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selfetishizing · 2 years

Text

a dream in charmeuse

loid forger/yor briar, anya forger & yor briar | T

mutual pining, romantic tension, date night, character study, femininity

A girl in waiting finally in motion.

Chapter 1/2 | AO3 | Next Chapter

Yor was seventeen when she bought her first tube of red lipstick.

It was an import from Hugaria—something she knew that she must have as a girl on the cusp of woman. The lipstick was a sleek black tube accented with a gold thorny pattern at the clasp. When you opened it, twisted the bottom, it sprouted just like the roses that twined around the iron fences of her family’s cottage. It smelled sweet like crushed childhood and slid like magnets across lips.

It was made for her.

The first time she laid eyes on it was on the cover of a fashion magazine that sold sex tips in bright yellow serif. A model, hair coiffed and blonde and perfect, posed on a leather tufted chaise, teasing hints of her sharp collarbones in her black mermaid dress. She leaned on a satin-gloved arm and weaned off of a pipe, clouds wrapping around her like a fluffy mink stole. Everything about her seemed to be dusted in pink and sparkle. Admiration or envy—Yor wasn't sure.

What initially caught Yor’s eye wasn’t the sugar-wisps of her hair, the lights of her eyes, or the scandal of her ivory-white skin. It was the bold maraschino pout of her lips shaped almost like a heart. To Yor, whose mind had—at that point—been filled only with ribbons and shrapnel and nursery rhymes, this introduced a fascinating new world within her reach. Suddenly, the thought of pointed manicures and high heels, fancy perfume bottles and diamond clutches entered her mind. She thought of the model: someone so far removed from her double-life, someone she ought to learn. She thought of her mother: someone she ought to become.

The rest comes in snapshots. Yor tucked the magazine under her arm as stood up from the settee she was sitting on. Carefully she traipsed around the maze of felled bodies at the tips of her toes, mumbling meek apologies whenever she accidentally stepped on brand-named watch faces or ruby-suffocated knuckles. She made her way to the gold-finished mirror by the exit and smiled to herself. With a finger, she swiped the blood off of her cheek and applied it to her chapped lips, popping her mouth once, twice. She held her blade between her pointer and middle fingers and took an imaginary puff, imitating that dream in charmeuse.

Sighing disappointedly, she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. The shade was much too deep for her liking.

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Yor had become what she sought out to be. She had all that seventeen-going-on-eighteen wanted: Yuri’s safety and education; glossy boots with red bottoms; her tailored dress; glitzy golds. The luxe weight dangling from her ears, the cool swish of silken fabric, the expensive clack of her heels—This was enough.

But times have changed. Just when Yor she had covergirl culture down to a tee, another dimension opened to her. Femininity took on motherhood, matrimony.

Yor liked to think that motherhood was something that came naturally to her. She had been a sister, best friend, a parent to Yuri. There wouldn’t be any surprises when it came with Anya— shocking surprises, at least. Raising a girl, after all, is a bit different from raising a boy. Instead of thick almanacs from secondhand stores and expensive stationery, it was toy pistols and plastic tiaras. No longer did she have to quiz herself on the insect facts presented to her at the wake of dawn. Spending time with a child now meant window shopping and living-room sparring matches, plush-toy tea parties and impromptu spy missions.

While she taught Anya uppercuts and tried-and-true platitudes, Anya taught her new graces, old normals. Whenever she had a day off, they’d skip down the city plaza hand-in-hand in matching attire with Bond in tow, following footprints of mommy-daughter dates she had long ago: sunny brunches on cobblestoned-cafés; the tangy smell of brightly colored nail lacquer; boutique windows and their opulent ensembles. They’d catch their reflection in the outline of mannequins, imaginations short-lived at the mere glance of a four-digit price tag. Days like these would always end with shopping bags filled with accessories and toys at her elbows, Anya and Bond sound asleep in her arms. Later, when they’re all gathered at the dining table, Loid would ask about their adventures and they’d just glance at each other and laugh— a secret between girls. As if a boy would understand!

Parenting, she had come to learn, was a beating, breathing legacy. A child is a culmination of your best and worst traits, the clipped wings of old hopes and dreams, and premonitions of a better future. Within the walls of the Forger household, a girl materialized through jelly makeup kits with too much glitter, refrigerator frescos held up with dental appointment magnets, Bondman paraphernalia, and peanut shells. When Yor looks at Anya’s doorframe and the marker tick-marks made there every so-and-so months, she feels a displaced pride swell within her.

Yor knows that this happiness is fleeting. Once Anya finds her red tube of lipstick, comfort will turn to ache—a yearning that even time won’t go away. Yor will have fulfilled her purpose. Anya will fondly look back on their time together like a photo album framed with pressed pansies when all has been said and done. The shadows will fully embrace Yor, remind her who she is.

In the end, she will always be those bits and pieces. She will be those bodies—fathers, mothers, husbands, wives, sons, daughters—she had taken from this world. She will be those web of lies. She will be the one to suffer, always her.

To be a woman was to be a martyr. It was only a matter of sin catching up; a matter of accepting them.

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Loid had asked her out again. Like the many times before, it was in the quiet violet-stained gaps of night between bedroom doors and veiled longings, guises hung and racked. Like the many times before, Yor still found a way to be flustered.

“They opened a new restaurant down on Sixth Street.” His voice, hushed and deep, tickled like clematis tendrils at her ears. They wound around neck, around the shell of her ear, in her hair, cradling her face gently. She tried to make her stare less obvious. “We should go. Just the two of us.”

The words poured down around her ankles and caught the frill hem of her nightgown. Shyly, she watched them rise—let the warmth pool up at her waist until she was wading in the silvery smooth of Loid’s rapt voice. Yor held her breath as the tides got higher; she pressed her back against her door, nails scratching against wood, holding on for dear life. Something undid within her and she closed her eyes, waiting for the frayed ends to tug and reveal itself. They never did.

Just the two of us.

Two of us, Yor and Yuri.

Two of us, Thorn Princess and Yor Briar.

Two of us, Briar and Forger—husband and wife, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish.

“Yor?” He drew in close, moving those prickly brambles out of his way to meet her again. Loid was so close that she could feel the ghosts of his hands reaching out to touch her, pull her to safety. Ready, able, Yor held onto her courage and looked at him. Milk moonlight carved his body sharp, settled in the ridges of his collarbones, the subtle dip of his lip, down the slope of his nose. His eyes came alive at twilight, cold and reptile, spiraling her into hypnosis. When they met Yor’s, electricity.

Her, painter of blood. Him, a rush. The routes in which it traveled, those spindly roads and branched forks that mapped all over her body, incandesced with such a deep, glowing red that it felt near-death, near-hell— heaven. Every fiber thrummed and caught flame and all she could do was endure like a witch at the pyre, letting it consume her. For him, she burned. She repented.

A keen silence overtook them, halved by a shaky sigh. Loid’s fingertips brushed against her wrist, faint as a tap from a Painted Lady’s wing. Almost immediately, he pulled back, putting the hand behind his neck like a thorn had stabbed it, like her fire licked his skin.

“That was abrupt of me,” he whispered.

It sounded almost like regret. Yor could have cried; there was a part of her that craved Loid’s concern, a shared madness. Instead, she bit her lip and nursed his lingering touch, pressing it down until it was as permanent as a scar.

“No need to give me an answer at this hour. We don’t even have to go tomorrow night if you’re not feeling up for it.” Loid tucked his nose into his shoulder, stepping back into the confines of his body. “It’s just been a few weeks since the last time—not that I’m counting! Long enough to raise suspicion, that’s all.”

“Then it’s settled. I’ll come home early tomorrow to get ready,” she said. Even she was surprised by her own composure. “Anya picked out the loveliest dress out for me the other day.”

Yor wasn’t quite sure why she had brought that up. It took her a moment to process and dissect her own mindset. Once she had examined it under scopes and centrifuged it in test tubes, it was clear. A sudden wildness possessed her. Her throat hung on a single vowel despite the many things racing through her mind. By the look on his face, she was sure that he had picked up on the implication as soon as it left her mouth. Nothing could stop the embarrassed tears from gathering at her waterline.

“I’m looking forward to seeing it.” When he smiled, he shone. One was all it took to starve the entire room of its crepuscular shadows. She wanted so much to bathe in that light, to forget her own insecurities. How generous of a man he was, Yor mused, to turn misspoken words to compliments. “It’s a date, then.”

“Date.” It tasted sweet on her tongue. She supped the word of all its nectar. “A date.”

Loid nodded. “Right.”

Yor, amusingly serious, pumped her fists. “R-Right!”

Chuckling, Loid bade her goodnight: “Sweet dreams, Yor.” It was one of those rare laughs that was pushed out with a single breath—one imbued with so much life , the kind that kissed the swells of your cheek. She sang a similar tune.

The particles in the air collided and bursted like supernovae, stardust falling on all of his edges. As he turned away to his quarters, they trailed behind him, tails of comets shooting down at her feet. Yor clasped her hands together and made three wishes: one for Yuri, one for Anya, one for Loid. All for happiness. One for true love.

With the closing click of Loid’s door, Yor slunk down against her’s and gasped for air. The twinkles, winking stars, his smile would not leave her. She slept amidst birthing planets.

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The dress that hung on her wardrobe glistened like a jewel. It was an emerald cocktail gown, a shiny viscose cool to the touch. Off-shoulder trim. Waist cinched with a neat bow. A neckline that plunged to dangerous levels—levels flesh was meant to pour into.

In short, it was gorgeous: an ambition that needed fulfillment, fulfillment that Yor convinced herself she could never achieve.

“How about this one instead?” Yor asked, presenting a comic-reading, lolly-sucking Anya with a safer option: a houndstooth skirt suit set. It blanketed inadequacies, hugged curves with mindfulness and familiarity.

Anya, lounging in front of the TV, looked up from her copy of Spy Wars to inspect Yor with narrowed eyes. Within a second, she rolled back onto her belly and began kicking her legs as she was doing before without a care in the world, a care for her own mother.

“W-Well?” Yor twirled around slowly, hands pointed out.

Anya grunted and chomped hard on her sucker. “S’alright, I guess.” Even the sugar rush could not animate her. What was it about kids and breaking their parents’ hearts so nonchalantly?

“You don’t like it.”

“Anya likes the green one!”

“I know you do. It’s just that Mama’s… Mama’s a little…”

It was never a problem before. The seemingly meaningless details about herself, the lines and bends, nicks and cuts, never crossed her mind. Yet, whenever she’s with Loid, they’re all she ever thinks about. Didn’t her chest jut out a little too much in that dress? Aren’t her muscles a bit too hard and toned? Her shoulders too squared? And her palms, so coarse and calloused… There was not a soft thing about her. She was all rough, marred, imperfected—nothing like the girls in the papers or films. Yor glanced down at herself and met only disappointment.

“Mama’s the prettiest girl in the whole entire oo-nee-verse!”

The patter of her small feet like drums of summer rain. The innocent tug on her skirt. Her gleaming, all-knowing eyes—bright, flickering—reflecting the depths of her soul, crystal. Yor saw facets of herself—girls she once was, girls she dreamt of becoming. They all stacked up on each other, afterimages superimposed to create Ego. She is an ethereal being, God and woman at once, living inside her, inside Anya. She called out Yor’s name, casted a spell. It made Yor believe, if even for a moment, that Anya’s words were true.

Kneeling down, she held Anya’s face in her palms, caressing her cheek with a thumb. “You, sweetling. You’re the prettiest.”

Anya grinned around the pulpy stick of her lollipop. “You’re second prettiest then!” Excitedly, she threw her arms around Yor, stood on tippy-toes, and whispered loudly in her ear: “Papa thinks so too.”

Yor flared red. “Does he now?”

“Yee-up!”

She hummed and gathered Anya into her arms, nurturing both girl and goddess.

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“My earliest memories are of my mother’s vanity. I’d watch her put on makeup or just sit, listening, just like you are now. Sometimes, it’d be stories from long ago that she’d speak into committed memory—stories about when she was young or in love. Other times, it would be things outside the door of her boudoir: fancy parties with laughter and jazz music and long glasses clinking, drinks fizzy with bubbles; sighs after a long day of work; silence.

“The silent days were always the best days, I think. That meant my mother was not home and I could play with all of her cosmetics. She had fancy bottles of perfume all lined up against her mirror from fullest to emptiest, and black tubes of lipstick arranged in the color of the rainbow.”

Yor’s vanity is curiously sparse compared to the scenes from girlhood. There laid her Hugarian crimson, inconspicuous against a smattering of fountain pens, loose change, and balled-up receipts. Having her own daughter there with her made it feel like a sacred ritual between past and present had been broken. Devoid of any character, any personality, and presence, it was as if no one sat there in the morning to brush knots out their hair or in the evening to powder themselves before midnight trysts. She left no mark of existence.

“My favorite thing to do was take the caps off the tubes and hold them in my fist, smelling each of them like flowers of a bouquet. I loved red best. Naturally, it was the one I’d always try on.”

Anya stared at Yor— May I?— in the mirror, somehow finding her one defining trait— a needle in a haystack. Yor nods, handing her her beloved lipstick. Anya eagerly pulled the top off, floral fragrance and possibility shooting up like a plume in her face.

“Ah! A rose! A rose!” exclaimed Anya, standing on the vanity stool to level with Yor’s face. Yor angled her head down and pouted her lips, letting Anya paint it for her. She popped her mouth, once, twice, inspecting the wobbly red circle in the mirror. Yor colored within the lines with a finger and rouged the apples of her cheeks with the excess, rouged Anya’s cheeks, her lips.

She didn’t wince at her reflection; instead, she had sought out traces of her mother’s features with faint longing. Fleetingly, she wondered if her mother had looked her best when she died. Did she care to prime her face that day? Curl her hair into rollers the night before? Surely, she had looked the beautiful woman Yor had always remembered to be. Death couldn't take the woman out of her. Yor wouldn't allow it to.

“My mother never let me wear makeup. It was always look, never touch. ‘A woman’s blade is not meant for a child,’ she’d say. ‘Beauty is for battle. It’s all we girls have in this world.’ And so I’ve lived my whole life with the idea that beauty was a weapon not to be pointed at others.” Anya’s hair was soft, so translucent that when sunlight seeped through it, it seemed to glow. Absently, Yor let it cascade into the spaces of her fingers. “But I learned something, Anya.”

“Huh?”

“Beauty can be sharp and tough, sure, but it can also be soft.”

“Soft as Bond’s fur?”

“Soft as Bond’s fur.” Both girls giggled, looking down at the snoring moat of white snuggling at their toes.

“I look at you in the morning, in your pajamas or in your uniform; at night cozied up with Bond as you murmur in your sleep, and it makes me smile. I look at your Papa; I look at his hands and the burns there as he’s dicing vegetables; I look at him and the wrinkles between his brows as he counts coupons or folds laundry, and my heart flutters. I look at you two together and it makes me glad… Glad that I could be a part of it. That I could truly understand what it means to be beautiful.”

Anya is still growing, muddying her soles in the garden of youth. She will have her whole life to freely navigate the meaning of womanhood through its love and its losses. It is a comfort to know she will have all of that time, those experiences that Yor never got to have because youth had always meant carnage and rigor mortis.

The zig-zagged lace connecting spies, whistleblowers, sympathizers, and benefactors tied and knotted the suffocating corset that shaped Thorn Princess—the phantom femme fatale with an apathetic sense of justice. Murder for world peace. How ironic.

Often, she pondered who she would have been if her parents hadn't passed so suddenly, so tragically. What would femininity mean then? What righteous path would she have walked? The wildest possibilities ran with blushed heels in her mind, kicking up grass blades and soil. Whatever she does in those universes and realities, she hopes that she is as content as she is now. She prayed that those paths, no matter how difficult, no matter how meandering and obfuscating, always lead to Anya and Loid.

To kindness. Always kindness.

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“I’m home!”

Yor had mentally prepared to hear those two words for the better part of an hour before his arrival. Now that Loid was finally here, the palpitations she had tried to keep under control since last night returned tenfold. Her chest pounded with the force of split atoms. She was sure he could feel it reverb from her chambers all the way to the living room.

“Mama! Mama! He’s home! He’s home!” repeated Anya elatedly, jumping up and down on Yor’s bed. Having played dress-up right before Loid’s arrival, Anya was in high spirits. In a plastic tiara and tulle dress of her own, Anya did what all five-year-olds did best and boasted. Anya boasted loud, she boasted proud. She scrambled to her dear father, bouncy and utterly pink, leaving golden shimmer in her wake. Bond followed her trail with a wagging tail, feet skittering like typekeys against the floor. “Look Papa! Me an’ Bond’re fairies! I yank tooths at night. Bond’s got wings!”

“Wow! Did you make them?”

“Yup! Like it?” She could see Loid bending down to touch the jagged construction paper wings stuck onto Bond’s back with tape and Anya swatting his hand away. It eased her nerves.

“That’s very clever of you, Anya. I do.” Yor took one last glance at herself in the mirror, tucking an errant strand of hair away from her face. She had let her hair down. It’d be easy to hide behind a curtain of black if she took any wrong turns tonight. “You look so charming in your costume. I reckon Yor helped you with it?” A pause, and then: “Say, is she ready to go?”

“Mama’s zipper’s stuck.”

Yor audibly shrieked, sensing an empty betrayal. It wasn't that she told Anya not to tell Loid; she just didn’t think it would be a possible point of conversation. The plan was that she’d cover her back with a shawl since Anya could not fully zip the gown up. With the not-so-secret secret out, Yor felt a self-conscious void begin to suck her back in.

No. She would not have it. Not tonight.

Acting accordingly, she snatched her purse and satin wrap from her bed and stepped out of her room, anxiety melting to resolve. She stepped out, sheer stockings sliding as she clumsily slipped into black pumps.

“Welcome home, Loid!” Yor hopped on one foot, fitting the backing with little success. “Sorry for the wait,” she huffed, soon regretting her choice of distraction. She was sure she looked like some strange one-woman balancing act as she stood on a leg, pivoting slightly toward the right as she struggled to fit into the sole.

Somewhere along the way, her torso lurched forward before her feet could land. All the oxygen in her had pushed out, enveloping her entire body as a cushion for the inevitable crash. Yor positioned her hands in front of her face, preparing for impact.

Jonquil stems rattled in their vase. Petals flitted. Negative spaces pieced together, clicked into place. What once was apart overlaid: man and woman, reality and dream.

Everything went white. She resented the way her chest heaved against his, cursed the way they shared the same tempo. It was as if their wavelengths had finally caught up to each other and allowed them this one transient slip. It felt like destiny.

This moment will never come again, she realized. Yor wanted so badly to cultivate that warmth, there, fastened on her waist and splayed out between the undone zip teeth of her gown. Selfishness is measured in seconds. Yor had a handful. She used her time wisely: memorized the spiral patterns of his fingertips over her bare skin, let the sinews unwind and stitch into her flesh until they were seamed into one fabric. Strains of sandalwood wrapped around their ankles and shoulders, built a home out of twisted torsos, latched limbs—a home where she could grow old, spend the rest of her days in. Yor didn’t dare look up at him, as looking would break the rune they were so fortunately afforded.

She didn’t want it to end. Not so soon, at least.

And so she waited for nature to run its course. Anya will reverse the charm with a quip. Loid will untangle from her, make ruin out of daydreams. Yor will act as the flustered maiden despite being ice cold from the loss of Loid on her body. This was routine.

She waited and waited while Loid hissed and smoldered. Any minute now . Static crackled. The radiator whistled. Princess Honey, rescued—tune in next week! Fingers slid. Laughter tunneled up and down the hall. Lips sighed. Steam pipes clunked. Doors slammed. Hearts thump-thumped, thump-thumped. Hands ticked, they held. Yor prayed: Any minute now.

“Yor.” She screwed her eyes shut and gripped the lapels of his suit jacket tight. Yor would be good. She resisted that primal urge to jerk her arm, kick her leg. “Yor?” She would be good.

Yor craned her head upward and peered through a kaleidoscope. One Loid, three Loids, five—every single one of them peering into her, beyond her. Her lips parted as she traced the movement of Loid’s hand on her back, brazenly turning skin into gilt down the bend of her spine. She tried her very hardest not to gasp.

“It’d be best if you turned around,” he started, cool as ever, “so I can zip your dress up.”

The rose pigment was awashed with the frigid splash of reality. The fabric she had been clutching with her claws had crumpled. She smoothed away the creases and apologized, drawing dreaded, familiar distance. She twisted her heel and faced the opposite of Loid, both to compose herself and prepare for it to happen all over again. Her head was ducked down as though she had done something that warranted remorse. Perhaps it was hoping for too much. Expecting.

He swept the raven cape over her shoulder, exposing the rigid and taut muscles that she wanted so desperately to hide. Yor inspected the ceramic flower pot in front of her and followed its patterns away from the apartment, from Loid, from herself.

“I’m afraid your cooking is beginning to show on me,” she whispered, stating any flaws before he could get the chance to. “It’s too delicious.”

The glazed figure shook with mirth. “You flatter me,” said Loid, retracing his path down her backside. A friendly gesture, nothing more. Fronds, butterflies, paisleys. “Even if that were true, I’d still like you just the same.”

The dress closed. Her chest split open, exploded with astrals, bon bons, rainbows, and doily. She inhaled, waited fifteen pulses, exhaled.

Yor found it funny. Here she was—here they were—enacting trifles known to every married couple. This was less than kisses, hugs, laced hands, tangled sheets. And yet, this was the very thing that did Yor in.

Something in the air shifted. A church bell went off in the amphitheater of her mind and Yor knew that there was no coming back. Not after this.

She mourned her mother. If only she had paid better attention. Maybe then she’d know what to do about the dull ache in her chest and the unspoken confessions that plagued her, echoing like hymns in an empty cathedral. Her heart trilled suites of unfettered emotion, ballads of confession, odes to forever.

The doorbell rang. “Ah. Looks like Frankie’s here.”

She looked for prophecies in stained glass and listened carefully to its lull.

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The moon appliquéd on the velvet of the night sky, sequins dotting along its expanse. Townhouse lights dwindled as mothers kissed their cherub-cheeked darlings goodnight, soon replaced with orange lamppost glow. For each shop sign that overturned, a bar door opened and tankards clanged jovially to celebrate another day gone.

After hours were for gin and tonics, for rest. Yor and Loid strolled by these vignettes in the evening chill, peering through glass with twinkling eyes at these warm displays of civilization: scraggly cats stretched over faded welcome mats; fresh-faced university students scrawling in leatherbound notebook, cups of tea gone cold; secretaries cooing at sweating beer bottles; an elderly man dipping madeleines in espresso.

Conversation had long past them, but they had each other. Silence cropped verbenas and bellflowers, populating their world of two with wonder and fancy. Loid tucked them behind her ear and made her feel gorgeous in the night.

The first time, Loid gazed at her and she played it off as if something in her direction held his attention. The second time wasn’t so sneaky. Yor had been playing this game too. She’d steal glances and admire the understated makings of Loid in secrecy: the fine white wisp of his eyelashes that flitted the angel kisses dusting his cheekbones; the effortless exhaustion that haloed blue eyes; the fuzz on his upper lip that reminded Yor of the juiciest peach. Parched, she swallowed hard. Loid had caught her, or perhaps she had caught him. They caught each other; lost to captivation.

“Anya… That cheeky girl,” mumbled Loid under his breath, following the pointed tips of his shoes now with furrowed brows. “So that was why.”

“Why what?” she asked, focusing on matching her stride with Loid’s. Left, right. Left, right.

“She kept pestering me about trivial things. Limes. Ferns. Cucumbers. Kiwis.”

“I don’t really follow.”

Cirruses wreathed their heads as the stillness broke. “Green is my favorite color.”

Yor, never knowing when to quit, had the last laugh. A blush stained all of his handsome features and bled onto her. “Believe me when I say I had no idea.” She strayed further and farther away from the garden they tended with accidental brushes and palpable tension. A storm descended in the space between them. A crack of thunder. A split of lightning. Torn leaves twisted in the wind. Raindrops embellished her skin—a cuirass of roped diamonds that shielded the fragile cage of her rattling heart.

“It’s a stunning dress, Yor.” Loid parted the gray clouds and pulled back into the honeyed dregs of a late-summer sun. Yor’s defenses melted under its familiar grasp. “Forgive me. I can’t seem to take my eyes off of you.”

It registered after twenty counts. Then, she flowered with dizzying rapture.

Yor racked her mind to find the right things to say to him—she knew she ought to say something—but the sentences would not form. When she’d open her mouth, bubbles would come ballooning out instead, swallowing her whole. She floated on fortuity, on chance, and tried not to burst either one.

“Thank you.” Yor fisted the skirt of her dress as she lifted higher and higher into the stratosphere. She didn’t mean to be so curt—there were many happy emotions she wanted to express, but she wasn’t as cunning as Loid. Wasn’t as articulate. Affection was conveyed through hands weaving through spun hair, arms wrapped around another, lips on eyelids; was reserved for younger brothers and dear daughters. To do such things with a man seemed almost unfathomable to Yor, but right now, she wanted nothing more than to touch and be touched.

When the stars aligned on the downbeat of their hearts, when their shoulders brushed and when the arc of their arms swung down at a point of convergence, when she heard those bells chime once more, Yor seized the moment. She hooked her pinky to his.

“Just for now. Please,” she whispered shakily with shut eyes. Loid didn’t recoil from her touch. “You can always let go.”

He was quiet; Yor half-expected him to justify the sudden skinship under the pretense of their fake marriage or to untie altogether. Instead, Loid moved to lace their fingers, intertwined. He squeezed. There was such a sincerity in that innocent act that made them gaze into the hazy horizon and hope that they would never reach their destination. It took the rivulets under his skin, the life pulsing in her palm to understand reciprocation—requitals left unsaid.

And so they clung to each other—vagabonds in search of lost girlhoods and abandoned homes.

#my writing #fic #loidyor #twiyor #sxf #spy x family #sxf fics #loid forger #yor briar #anya forger #header is going out by norman rockwell :-)

50 notes · View notes

tiredassmage · 1 year

Note

18,19, and 23 from the ship asks for the lovely Oliver and Cee for some smuggy au love 👀

wwwww, yesss, yesssss, I could give them my entire heart. ;_;

from a list of ship asks

18. How do they care for each other when one of them is wounded/sick?

Oliver tends to be stubborn about such “mild inconveniences” as a little cold, but Cee is the type to want to curl up in his lap with the tissues and make him watch holofilms with her for hours until she falls asleep on him. Or inevitably suffers because now she’s added someone else’s body heat to her already-existant troubles. She tends to stubbornly suffer through it anyway because she wants his company, and how could he tell her no when she's like this?

She’s the one that fusses over him in return over the little things because the big things can hit hard. She hasn’t exactly had anyone to fuss over prior to bonding with her crew in the smuggler story, so she’s very protective of their hodgepodge found family. Thankfully for her, Oli generally has good enough sense to admit defeat to her care when things are more serious (though once he's feeling better, he's still probably a bit eager to be back on his feet). And some of his care in return is to simply be there for her. She doesn’t like to say that she’s in over her head, but she’s thought it for a very long time. Even becoming a smuggler in the first place hadn’t been her ideal - more so the consequence of circumstances - so she wasn’t particularly keen to do this whole… take over the underworld bit. They can get into some very hairy situations and it can be rightly terrifying. Sticking together is a good reminder that they made it and they can rely on one another.

Both of them have had to do a lot of dealing with things on their own in their lives, so they do what they can to be the reminder that things aren’t like that anymore when the other needs it.

19. Do they wear each other's clothes/jewelry?

Cee is absolutely not above getting draped in Oli’s jackets. They’re definitely a bit big on her given that she maybe only comes to his shoulders when they’re standing level together, but that’s part of the charm. She’s absolutely comandeered one of his older tees as pajamas. Neither of them are complaining. And neither of them are particularly keen on jewelry given the amount of time they spend on the Prancer and often finding themselves in the thick of a blaster fire, but I think they would still do wedding bands. Anything dangly they’d probably worry about getting caught somewhere.

23. What are the defining characteristics of their relationship?

I think my favorite is their very casual intimacy. They really don’t think twice about holding hands or trading a quick kiss as they pass down the hallway. It’s very easy for Cee to lean back against his chest with his arms draped around her when they’re hanging with the crew or waiting in line somewhere. Cee also absolutely adores when he picks her up and spins her for a kiss. Sometimes its just being in the same room - Cee usually reading and Oliver often continuing to plot for work.

They put a lot of effort into being able to trust each other and it pays off.

Both of them come to the table with their own reservations about getting close with people. Oli, of course, defected to the SIS from Imperial Intelligence and that comes with its own whole set of issues that ultimately does cause a brief tension between them when it tumbles out because Cee’s also not really had much in the way of ability to trust and rely on others.

She didn’t want any of this trouble with Rogun. She wasn’t really that interested in becoming famous on some old treasure. So, when all of that happens anyway and she finds herself in a sort of precarious “benefits really take out the choice” matter in accepting Senator Dodonna’s initial privateering deal and one of her contacts for the job is a Republic spy, you can imagine how that might feel unnerving. While she accepts him on the crew with minimal circling around the issue, it does still linger on her mind.

The thing is - he was right. Neither of them particularly had a choice about Dodonna pulling the right strings to have him reassigned. And they realize both of them don’t really have a whole lot going for them outside of each other. They balance each other out well because they can share in that experience. They understand it. Neither of them likes to be pulled around by the nose and used as a gear in the greater machine, but they’ve been there, been through it nonetheless. It’s why Corellia hits them both as hard as it does.

But they also don’t want to spend the rest of their lives worrying about all of those very real consequences that might shorten their time. Honestly, the fact that they go through so much relatively early on I think just reaffirms things that much stronger and faster. They’re something tangible they want to fight for and protect - not just an ideal or orders or whatever else it might’ve been.

More nights curled up together on the couch watching holoflims with Cee falling asleep against his shoulder or Oliver nodding off halfway through because it’s comforting with her under his arm.

#answered #vs: king and lionheart [smuggler!tyr]#i am so soft for them...#swtor ocs

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brooklynislandgirl · 1 year

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@ronmanmob {{xx}}

From the outside in, there might be more Horlicks nights than might be seemly. Some might argue that there are made up reasons for the too-long wakefulness, that they are cheating themselves out of sleep. Those people are only looking in from outside, are utterly myopic. They do not live with the every day reasons why she or Ron cannot find rest, when the mind is a buzzing hive of grief or anxious energy or a half a dozen other things. And sometimes, sitting round the table in robes and pyjamas, or sometimes just tee-shirts and boxers ~Ron's all the way around and sometimes she thinks she sees a sparkle once in a while in his eyes when she dons them~ or whatever makes them feel comfortable in terms of temperature and textures are concerned. Despite neither of them ever needing to lift a finger in their life, capable of hiring a staff that would befit the estates of royals, Ron and Beth are not the kind of people to take advantage of their situation. He opens the pub daily baring his poorly days or the odd wild hare that has him taking her away from the city, or out with his brother, attending to their other affairs. Those last times are the ones that she is usually keen to stay at home. It isn't that she doesn't enjoy some of the Kray Brothers' fine establishments, but the less time she spends around Reg the better. So after the forty-eight hour week she's put into the hospital and twice that put into the pubs and clubs, this is their moment. Their chance to check in with one another and reconnect. She isn't ashamed to admit she needs that. That she needs Ron. He is the force that keeps her grounded and holds her aloft. She hopes that it is the same for him. She doesn't mind those moments where instead of words he offers her what they call wingdings: nonsequitors, starts and stops, hand gestures and verbiage with no actual shape and purpose. Those are the things she loves more than she can tell him and she doesn't know why it should be so. Maybe it feels a little like a verbal kiss. An embrace she can lose herself in and gives her a chance to catch up with all that is said around it. She sits across from him, one sock-covered foot braced on either side of his own, a compromise she makes with herself when she'd much rather have them in his lap, head tilted affectionately. She doesn't see the dark depths of his gaze but rather watches his mouth as is her wont. She grins when he refreshes himself with his drink. Hers is mostly pulling double duty by warming her fingers as she keeps them wrapped around the cup. She isn't really prepared for his confession though she could, if asked by anyone else, tell them somewhat the same. The walls that may exist between them are so thin as to be made of glass. In ways she cannot explain to anyone who doesn't struggle within the world like she and Ron do. She knows that in many ways he has it worse off when strictly speaking of symptoms, emotionally they often fight similar but separate battles. But if Ron could be seen as a tank, unmistakeable in shape or form when the struggle became words, then Beth is a master spy. Most of the time she can pass for perfectly typical, perfectly normal as long as all she needs to do is look pretty and laugh at the appropriate time. And yet, they seem to understand one another better than any one else, he doesn't lie. There isn't the same exhaustion that could be heard in her brother's repeated pleading and nor the frigidity that comes from Reg's distance. His want for Ron to be the way he was before, an impossible and terribly painful dream. There isn't fear. Beth knows that is the name of one of his demons. He tells her of the way his mum and aunties were before. The double loss of Rose and his diagnosis has left a trench between his family and himself. Reg thrives on the terror a flat affect can have on those uninitiated. Ron's broad shoulders and his stocky frame paired with that less than strictly focused mien, the whispers of immense violence turns into something else. Something she's seen with her own eyes that Reg often weaponizes, without realising that it has a second and more insidious effect; it dehumanises his brother, turns the bright and beautiful soul she knows who loves dogs and has the softest spot for children into a unfeeling thing. Paints Ron with the brush the rest of the world already sees as justifiable. Does more damage than the disease, and feeds the phobia of every one who has to wear that diagnosis as a sort of scarlet letter. It's disgusting, and nothing about Ron's twin makes her want to flay him to the bone for it. What she doesn't understand is the why. Violet is far kinder in many ways than the Admiral. But Beth isn't blind. She sees the way Reg is doted on with love and respect, with a certain kind of admiration. As if the way he treats his wife ~like rubbish best left on the curb for the trash-men to come collect at best, and at worst...she's absolutely certain he's threatened to lay hands on the woman who is almost as small as Beth and a lot less confident~ but it is vastly different than the way she is with her youngest. Ron is coddled, yes. But aimlessly. She doesn't get quite as close. There are layers of worry in her eyes, anxious lines around her mouth and eyes when she tries to hold conversations with him. That arms-length wears on Ron until he starts to fray. She might argue with him on Pat. Big Pat Connolly is a dear man, gentle giant, a stalwart friend and champion of Ron's and she knows without a doubt or a problem with it that the man's the keeper of more secrets than she can imagine. The same could be said about Jayden Morgan, her own best friend. There might be things between them that she and Ron have forgotten, or missed details of, a hundred innumerable moments. She doesn't mind that. Ron needs a brother the same way she needs a sister, and their friends are hanai siblings. His next truth is one that hurts. She can empathise with this sliver of his inner-self. She's been honest with him about her own frailties, has built on its back some of their support of one another but she doesn't and more importantly won't speak of her own experiences. The thin faint scars along her forearms. The reason why sparks and lightning scare her into burying her face in his arm or back or chest. She has lied too, to her doctors, and only half confides in her therapist. She doesn't trust a single one of them to not be on the Admiral's payroll. Waiting to throw her under the bus for the slightest thing. She doesn't have words but nods as he speaks, reaching out and laying her hand on the table between them should he want the contact. But her heart breaks the way he says that softly. In that tone, which isn't really one, though the attendant gestures and glances do provide depth and shades, she sees a side of Ron she isn't used to. The longing for his most loved relative. Being separated unto eternity. When all your world hinged on someone and then...they were no longer there. She would give anything for one more minute with her brother. To hear his voice even if he was nagging, to hear his laugh deep and full-throated. To feel his arms around her while she dug a space for herself in his chest. Worse, she'd actually tried. Something Ron doesn't need to know. "I don' t'ink ya mad," she says finally. Of course she doesn't. "Wheddah part of ya illness or mebbe some consideration from source of all goodness...I'm glad she come an' see ya. Dat you get ya moments wi' her." She won't say she's envious, she doesn't honestly feel that way nor is she sure she could pay the exacting price that Ron does for every single moment he gains to his benefit. It would be more than disengenious for her to say so. But something that hits her hard enough to nearly steal her breath is how he talks of the changes in abstract. How that makes so much sense and provides her with the words she'd never been able to find to express how it feels, deep down. Doors between him and the universe opening. Beth has never heard silence. From time immemorial everything has been loud and she's heard every sound that isn't there, all the ones that are magnified to a point that she cannot make sense of words, of her own thoughts some times until they become too dark and too bitter inside of her head. To the point she doesn't even want to be part of that infinite chorus any longer. She squirrels the words away unil such a time when wintery deprivation make them needed. "Jus' because someone who love ya is gone from wha' mos' people can see an' hear, taste an' touch, don't mean..." Her turn to shrug, knowing he can most likely fill in the space. Her eyes sweep the rims of her lower lids and the hand on the table comes up to the side of her nose. Knuckle brushes the tip once, twice. "Mebbe...mebbe she one of ya beddah angels now, yeah?"

#ronmanmob #A Fighter By His Trade|Ron Kray #Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters|Ron and Beth #London Calling|Legend verse #Cedra Court Moments #Honourable Mention: Jayden Morgan #Honourable Mention: Pat Connolly #mental health tw #Paranoid Schizophrenia tw #Bipolar Disorder tw #Audio Processing Disorder tw #Black Dog tw

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loosesodamarble · 1 year

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Hello, Soda!! ♡ I'm glad that you're doing amazingly and that you'll have more free time now!! I hope you'll be able to have more fun and rest! ✧( •⌄• )

Also, congratulations on 300+ followers!! ٩(◦'꒳'◦)۶ You very much deserve it and earned it, I'm proud of you!! ♡

- ghost anon

FUN AND REST! Those are the greatest goals in life!/lh

I have so much catching up to do right now. Sleep. Season 2 of KnY. I think season 6 of BNHA. (le gasp) I CAN FINALLY WATCH SPY X FAMILY! YEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!

Tee hee! I'm excited for the 300 follower event! I know I shouldn't really care about follower count. But I do. Because it means that I get to make a silly big deal about fulfilling requests and giving some love to some lovely people who just happen to like my blog. 💖

I'm glad you think I've earned it, Ghost Anon. And if whatever the event turns out to be interests you, maybe you'll make a request. But we won't know for a while now~! 😆

Thanks again for dropping in. Always appreciated, Ghost Anon.

#questions from the ask box #ghost anon #soda asides #i'm gonna be rotting in front of my computer screen for the next few months while anime is poured directly into my fangirl brain

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rares-posts · 2 years

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Tag 9 People You Want To Get To Know Better

@smyx thank you for tagging me. ❤️

Favorite color: shades of purple is my usual go to but it's whatever my brain decides is soothing to look at.

Currently reading: I did open some not me fics on ao3 today to read. Actual books that I bought and started recently are

Book Lovers by Emily Henry (I like the mc a lot so far)

On earth we're briefly gorgeous by Ocean Vuong (very beautifully written, I get close to tears at various points while reading even tho I just started)

Last Song: I've been alternating between the album 'emails I can't send' by sabrina carpenter and various songs of 'the amazing devil' this week. With some dodie, sleeping at last and Orla Gartland thrown in. Plus a dash of the album 'your city gave me asthma' by Wilbur soot.

Literally rn while typing I'm listening to "Secret Worlds" by the amazing devil on loop.

And later I know I'll be listening to "already over" and "tornado warnings" by sabrina carpenter to vibe to as well as write the toddblack fic I'm slowly working on.

Last Series: God I don't remember.. probably spy x family, sasaki to miyano, and not me. I watched a bunch of stuff like gifted, tol, I'm tee me too between watching not me.

Last movie: pretty sure it was 'everything everywhere all at once.' (Yes I cried while watching)

Currently working on: WELL, TRYING to work on the following fics:

Seanwhite Fae au ch4 aka untie these strings

Toddblack one shot pre canon

Seanwhite au exes to lovers

Seanwhitenamo one shot

Boarding school au not me

Widow x florist seanwhite

Am I succeeding? Highly debatable.

Everyone I'd tag from the server has already been tagged I think so I won't tag anyone, feel free to take part if u wanna do it❣️

This was fun :3

#bopping to nonsense by sabrina carpenter by the time i ended writing lol.

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newtypezaku · 2 years

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P-P-P-Power Rankings!!

Love After World Domination (Last: 1): Desumi and Haru Pink Gelato went from love rivals to friends while Fudo failed at buying Starbucks.

Spy X Family (Last: 2): Loid's plan to get through the interview was derailed when an asshole lobbed real insults at his fake family.

Aoashi (Last: 3): Aoi recognized the gap between his soccer and going pro, but put together a dazzling attack that convinced the coaches.

I'm Quitting Heroing (Last: 5): Leo was summoned by Echidna for... a nomikai, during which Leo was convinced that he should be helping her.

Tiger & Bunny 2 (Last: 6): Blue Rose and Tiger's super secret cheer-up-a-fan plan was interpreted by Ryan as horrible betrayal.

LoGH: Die Neue These (Last: 4): Reinhard's closest allies worried about the apparent recklessness of the Geiersburg warp operation.

Birdie Wing (Last: 7): Eve failed to make her tee time with Aoi because she was roped into fighting a mafia land war by proxy.

Dragon Quest: Dai's Adventure (Last: 8): Avan unveiled the results of his training while Hyunckel stayed behind to draw aggro.

Aiming for eight each week cuz eighters gonna eight. [Full Watch List]

#zaku rankings

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saetoru · 2 years

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ill give u one in 24 hours 🙈

#tee watches spy * family #<< thats the tag bc i dont wanna be in the actual tags by accident #dfgrthj

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swan-of-sunrise · 3 years

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Spellbinding (Chapter Nineteen)

Summary: A normal mission quickly goes south when (Y/N) loses control of her magic, and she makes a life-altering decision.

Pairing: Loki X Reader

Word Count: 4.8k

Warnings/Disclaimers: None

A/N: I’m back, and I brought a whole ton of angst with me! I hope that you enjoy!

Chapter Nineteen April 11th, 2016 Rome, Italy (Previous Chapter)

“The conquest had to be done, (Y/N)…I did it for us, for our family…we shall begin a new and glorious dynasty, more powerful than anything else the Nine Realms has ever seen!”

“(Y/N)? Everything all right, darling?”

The familiar voice pulled (Y/N) out of her thoughts, and she quickly glanced over at Loki with a smile. “I’m fine, Loki, just lost in thought. Has the target been spotted yet?”

Her fiancé shook his head, moving forward to stand beside her at the window of their hotel room. “No, not yet, I was merely wondering what you were thinking so deeply about.” His face broke out into a mischievous smirk. “Could it be that you were re-living the rather…extensive events of last evening?”

(Y/N) began to smile despite herself, vivid memories of the events in question immediately springing to mind as she coyly asked, “And if I was?”

“Well, then, it would seem that great minds really do think alike.” Ducking his head down, Loki softly trailed his lips along her neck before pulling the collar of her uniform down to press a final kiss on the dark bruise he’d placed there the night before; she bit back her moan at the sensation, and she felt him smirk against her skin. “We’ll have to celebrate our mission’s success when we return home; champagne, chocolates, perhaps even a soothing bubble bath for two. How does that sound?”

“It sounds like you two need to focus up and stop traumatizing me.”

Cringing in embarrassment, (Y/N) pulled away from a bemused Loki and held up a hand to the comm link in her ear. “Sorry, Nat. And you too, Steve.”

“That’s okay, (Y/N). I think Nat and I had it a little easier than Thor did last week.”

“Yeah, the poor guy actually walked in on-”

“All right, can we all please stop talking about this now?” Loki practically pleaded, his earlier amusement gone at the mention of ‘The Incident,’ as he and (Y/N) had begun calling it. “Is it time to move onto Phase Two yet?”

Through their comms, (Y/N) detected the spy’s smirk as she answered, “Yeah, you might as well; this guy’s not gonna show himself until we give him a reason to. What do you think, Cap?”

“I agree. Let’s move onto Phase Two.”

Loki leaned down to press a chaste kiss to her lips before straightening and backing away from her. His body shimmered as a green-tinted illusion formed and solidified, revealing an entirely-new person standing before her; the man was slightly shorter than her fiancé, with dark blonde curls and clear-blue eyes, and he was dressed casually in a pair of jeans, a tee shirt and a leather jacket. Others would be easily fooled by his illusion but (Y/N) knew better; no matter what form he took, Loki always had that recognizable glint in his eyes.

Her fiancé held out his arms and did a slow spin. “How do I look?”

“Exceptionally ordinary.” (Y/N) flashed him a smile and watched as he left their hotel room, turning back to the window with a small sigh. She appreciated all the distractions that Loki provided her, but lately her mind always seemed to travel back to her reoccurring nightmares. Probably because of that bad news you got last week, she silently reasoned as her frown deepened. After studying (Y/N)’s genetic makeup for several months, Doctor Cho had come to the conclusion that there was no scientific way to remove her Alf Seidr, as the magical ability was ingrained within her DNA; and then, the doctor revealed that the strange metallic cuff that the unknown assailant had placed on her arm to suppress her magic had somehow gone missing. It seems that I’m stuck with this volatile magic for life, she thought to herself, feeling her anxiety beginning to rise at the very idea.

“I’ve got eyes on the target.” Steve’s voice in her ear shook her out of her ruminations. “Loki, move in. Nat, start evacuating the square but be discreet; I don’t want this guy getting spooked. (Y/N), stand by.”

(Y/N) peeked through the curtains covering the window and watched a disguised Loki cross the busy street towards a large bank; he was loosely followed by Steve, who was dressed casually in street clothes with a baseball cap pulled low over his brow. Her eyes followed her fiancé’s movements as he walked up the steps of the bank and entered the building, the super soldier trailing close behind. “Nat, do you have eyes on them?”

“Negative, they just entered the bank. Remember, we can’t apprehend the target until we’re sure he’s in possession of the Chitauri guns.”

“I know, it’s just…I have a bad feeling about all this.”

Agitated, (Y/N) subconsciously summoned a ball of swirling magic in her palm as she closed her eyes and took a calming deep breath. The spy’s whispered assurances that everything would be all right suddenly cut off in her ear and she frowned in concern, bringing her free hand up to her comm link. “Nat? Do you read me, Nat?”

(Y/N) opened her eyes and gasped in alarm; she was no longer standing in a hotel room across the street from the bank, but instead she was standing alone in the middle of a vast battlefield. The skies above were reddish-orange and filled with dark billowing clouds of ashy smoke. When she glanced down, she immediately saw all carnage; bloody corpses of Alfheimian men and women littered the field and she covered her mouth in horror at the stomach-churning sight of the butchered Light Elves.

“The conquest had to be done, (Y/N),” A woman’s voice called out to (Y/N) but when she whirled around to face her, she saw no one. “I did it for us, for our family. Your father and I will soon rule Alfheim and Midgard and with you, a child of both realms, we shall begin a new and glorious dynasty, more powerful than anything else the Nine Realms has ever seen!”

Screams of terror echoed throughout the battlefield and (Y/N) clamped her hands over her ears to block them out. The ground beneath her began to shake and as she watched with widened eyes, it began to split open and humanoid-shaped creatures began clawing their way out of the fissures; terrified, (Y/N) squeezed her eyes closed and just as a clawed hand wrapped around her ankle…

“…(Y/N), do you copy?! (Y/N)!”

Eyes flying open, (Y/N) staggered back and gasped for air, completely disoriented and confused by what had just happened; she was back in the hotel room and as she glanced down at her hand, she watched in shock as the scarlet-tinged magic shifted back to purple and faded away into nothing. It was like my nightmares but worse, she thought as her erratic breathing continued, almost as if my magic is what caused the hallucination.

“(Y/N)! (Y/N)!”

She hurriedly brought a hand up to her comm link and stammered out, “C-copy, Nat, what’s wrong?”

“The target just detonated some sort of bomb outside the bank and he’s getting away! Didn’t you see it go off?!”

Ignoring the spy’s incredulous words, (Y/N) wrenched the window curtain back only to see the vast destruction on the street below; the steps of the bank had been completely destroyed, as had all the shopfronts alongside it, and first responders were already beginning to arrive on the scene. “Which direction did he go?”

“North, he’s in a black SUV; I’m helping clear people out of the rubble, Loki and Steve are already in pursuit but they need backup now!”

Without another word, (Y/N) threw open the window and leapt off the balcony of the hotel room, summoning her magic and using it to propel herself up and through the skies. Looking past the scene of destruction in the direction Natasha had given her, she quickly spotted a fleeing black SUV weaving through the traffic on the street; several car lengths away was a blue truck that seemed to be giving chase to their target, so she flew after it, her cloak whipping in the wind as she did.

In no time, she landed down hard onto the bed of the speeding truck and planted her boots to help stabilize her. The passenger-side door opened and Loki, now looking like his usual self and dressed in his Asgardian battle armor, easily maneuvered himself so that he was standing right beside her. “Local law enforcement is currently blockading streets so we can force him away from the city!”

(Y/N) nodded, holding tight to the roof of the truck as Steve whipped around a corner. “And what about the Chitauri guns?”

“They’re highly volatile,” Loki hurriedly explained, one hand gripping the edge of the truck’s roof while the other held her steady by the small of her back. “Any exposure to a significant energy source could possibly set them off, so using our magic to retrieve them is out of the question! I-”

The back window of the black SUV shattered and a blast from a Chitauri gun shot out of it directly towards them. Acting on instinct, (Y/N) threw up her hand and quickly created a purple-tinted magical force field around their vehicle, watching as the blast bounced off and hit the stone railing of the bridge they were crossing. A chunk of the stone railing disintegrated upon contact and she swore under her breath. “This isn’t working! We need something that’ll absorb the blasts, not deflect them, or else we might harm civilians!”

Loki’s expression morphed into one of resolution. “I’ll create an illusion to mask your presence while you fly over to disable their vehicle. I can absorb the blasts until you’re successful; a Chitauri weapon shouldn’t seriously harm a Frost Giant-”

“No, Loki, you can’t take that chance!”

“There’s no time to argue!” Her fiancé turned his attention to the comm link in his ear. “Did you catch all that, you two?” Once Steve and Natasha confirmed that they’d heard the plan, he turned back to her and she felt the magic of his illusion beginning to form. “I’ll be fine, (Y/N), just go!”

Giving him one last glance, (Y/N) used her magic to launch herself through the air once again, looking down just in time to see their target fire off another blast and see it hit Loki directly in the chest. While the target fired off another blast, she flew down beside the car and grabbed the edge of the roof, using the momentum to kick the passenger-side window in and land directly on the empty seat. The target, a man who looked to be in his mid-thirties, quickly overcame his shock and started to aim the Chitauri gun at her but she backhanded it out of his grasp and sent it flying into the backseat. He threw a punch and she dodged, taking advantage of his attack to elbow him in the face and slam her foot down on the brakes; unfortunately, that was right when the disoriented man beside her wrenched the steering wheel to the left.

The car violently swerved on the road before flipping over and while it was in midair, (Y/N) thought fast; she grabbed the target by the arm and used their combined weight to slam down in the passenger-side door. The door ripped off its hinges and they crashed onto the street below, the jolting force of the impact causing them to tumble off the broken door and down the street. She came to a stop after several yards, letting out a groan of pain as she began to sit up; glancing over, she watched as the overturned SUV skidded to a stop and breathed a small sigh of relief when she spotted no fire in the wreckage.

However, her sense of relief was short-lived as she glanced over to see the target standing beside the heap of mangled metal, a modified Chitauri gun in one hand and a glowing Chitauri bomb in the other. That’s not good, she thought with dread, slowly getting to her feet and holding her hands out in a placating way as the man called out, “Stay back!” Out of the corner of her eye, she watched Loki and Steve skid to a stop beside her; her heart leapt in her throat when she noticed the way her fiancé was limping and clutching his wounded chest. “You take one more step and you’re dead!”

“All right, let’s all just calm down,” Steve calmly spoke, unfazed by the Chitauri gun that was now aimed directly at his unprotected torso. “You don’t want to do this-”

“Don’t talk to me like you know me! You don’t know anything!”

(Y/N) nodded, taking a cautious step forward and ignoring Loki’s quiet warning. “You’re right. We don’t know you or why you’re dealing in stolen weapons but we can help you. Just set the gun and the bomb down, then we’ll talk.”

The man’s frightened expression suddenly shifted into a cruel smile as he met her gaze. “Talk? Like how your parents talked to their terrified subjects before butchering them in cold blood?” Something was definitely wrong; the man’s eyes were strangely unfocused as he hurled his taunts at her and it might’ve been her imagination, but her vision had slowly begun to redden. However, none of that prevented a feeling of intense anger from slowly rising within her. “Does your lover know how much of a monster you truly are? How your magic’s been corrupting you from the moment you first came into it?” His mocking smirk widened. “Perhaps I should be merciful and kill him before you get the chance to!”

The next few moments almost seemed to happen in slow motion. The man aimed the Chitauri gun in Loki’s direction and fired; with an enraged ‘NO!’ (Y/N) stopped the blast of pure energy dead in its tracks with her now-scarlet magic, sharply twisting her wrist and sending the blast straight back at the man. It hit him square in the chest, knocking him straight into the wreckage of the SUV and as her fury overwhelmed her, she instantly willed her magic to detonate all the Chitauri weapons within the mangled car.

All three of them were thrown back by the force of the blinding explosion. (Y/N) landed harshly on the street and before she could do anything, Steve grabbed her arm and dragged her up onto her feet, a furious expression on his face. “(Y/N), why the hell did you do that?!”

“Let her go, Rogers!” Loki growled, his green eyes flashing dangerously as he wrapped a hand around the super-soldier’s arm that was holding her in place. “Now!”

Steve was unfazed as he gave her a small shake. “Answer me!”

“I was defending Loki! He was trying to kill him to hurt me!” (Y/N) shouted at him, only growing angrier as he stared unmoving at her. “You heard what he said about my mother, what he said about me! And you saw how close that blast came from hitting Loki!”

Steve released her arm and took a step back, his now-weary eyes flicking over to Loki; her fiancé’s face was pale and his expression could only be described as dumbfounded. “(Y/N), the target was lowering his weapons…he was surrendering.”

(Y/N) froze. “N-no, he wasn’t, he was talking about my parents and-”

“He was laying down the weapons when you used your Alf Seidr to hurl him back and then, you…you detonated all of the Chitauri weapons…” Loki’s uneasy expression deepened when she began shaking her head. “Your magic was scarlet, (Y/N), and your eyes…your eyes were, too…”

As she blinked in confusion, (Y/N) was acutely aware of the flurry of activity surrounding them. Steve was talking fast into his comm link, a troubled look on his face, and when she looked past him she couldn’t stifle her horrified gasp; the buildings surrounding them were on fire and residents were quickly being evacuated onto the street. The remnants of the SUV were ablaze and as she watched, the limp form of their target was being pulled away from the wreck by two other people. That was when she realized that her vision was crystal-clear once again and not tinted with the mysterious reddening glow.

“I…” With widened eyes, (Y/N) met Loki’s speechless expression and choked out through her tears, “I think I’m losing my mind, Loki…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Silence. Over the past two days, (Y/N) had grown to detest the silence, the dead-quiet air only punctuated by the sound of her steady breathing; in the silence, her only companions had been her intrusive, all-consuming thoughts and no matter which meditation techniques she’d tried, they refused to go away. But no matter how much she hated the silence, it was a hundred times better than looking her teammates in the eyes and seeing the shifting emotions within them; sympathy, anger, pity, fear…she couldn’t stand knowing that they were judging her for her horrific actions so the moment that the Quinjet had arrived at the tower, she’d locked herself away in her bedroom and hadn’t spoken to any of them since. They’d all respected her privacy and left her alone…all except Loki. Her fiancé had tried everything he could to coax her into talking to him about the incident but as well-meaning as his efforts were, (Y/N) couldn’t bring herself to. So, he’d stationed himself in her suite’s living room and made sure none of the others tried bothering her, but she knew she didn’t deserve his kindness after what she’d done in Italy.

According to J.A.R.V.I.S., (Y/N)’s reckless actions had resulted in forty-eight people being taken to the hospital; thirty of them had been released after being treated for various minor injuries, twelve were in stable condition but six were still in critical condition, including their target. The investigation into the incident had revealed that the target, Daniel Wyatt, had turned to selling stolen Chitauri weapons in a desperate attempt to pay off his family’s debts. And, just as with Antoine Garmenia three months earlier, Wyatt’s background gave absolutely no reason to believe he had a connection to Alfheim or her family.

My magic did exactly what I was afraid it would do, (Y/N) thought as she buried her head in her pillow. The nightmares, the hallucinations…a part of herself had been telling her that her magic would corrupt her but she hadn’t listened; at first, she tried to find a way to get rid of her magic and when that didn’t work, she naïvely believed that just because she was a decent person she could control the immense power raging within her, but…she failed spectacularly.

The sound of muffled voices pulled (Y/N) out of her ruminations; easing out of bed, she padded across the bedroom and slowly opened the door to see Loki and Sam deep in conversation by the door of her suite. Loki’s agitated expression and the tension in Sam’s shoulders made her frown in concern but before she could say anything, both men turned to her with unconvincing masks of calm on their faces.

“Darling, I’m sorry that we disturbed you.” Loki flashed her the briefest of smiles. “Everything’s fine, Wilson was only checking in-”

“Please don’t lie to me, Loki. What’s wrong?”

Sam took a step forward, briefly glancing over at Loki before answering. “The U.N. council finished analyzing all the security footage and cell phone videos, and they want you held accountable for what they view as an unprovoked attack. Fury managed to convince them to wait until a psychological evaluation can be performed to…to take further disciplinary action.” She wordlessly nodded and he sighed. “Look, (Y/L/N), we all believe you. Everyone in the tower knows that you’d never consciously do something like that, but maybe…it might do a little good to talk to us about it. We don’t judge each other for our worst mistakes.”

Swallowing the lump in her throat, (Y/N) met Sam’s concerned eyes and shook her head. “I-I can’t, Sam.” She turned away from the two men to stare out the window, listening as Sam mumbled a brief goodbye to Loki before leaving. The door of the suite closed behind him and the suite was eerily quiet for several long moments.

“You cannot go on blaming yourself for something you had no control over,” Loki softly spoke, the sound of his footsteps growing louder as he continued on. “Darling, what happened in Rome wasn’t your-”

“Stop lying to me, Loki, please!” (Y/N) whirled around to face him, her frustration and guilt finally reaching its breaking point. “You think that lying will make me feel better but it doesn’t! It was my magic that caused that explosion, my magic that landed forty-eight people in the hospital!” She wrapped her arms tight around her torso as her eyes began prickling with unshed tears. “It was my responsibility as an Avenger to keep my magic under control, to only use it to help others, and I failed; I couldn’t stop my magic from corrupting me and now…now I’m the same monster my mother was.” (Y/N) hurried back to her bedroom, slamming the door behind her and dropping down to sit with her back against it as a wave of fresh tears streamed down her cheeks.

There was a gentle knock on the door. “(Y/N). (Y/N), please don’t shut me out. You don’t have to go through this alone.” She wrapped her arms around her knees and leaned her head back, barely making out Loki’s sigh through the closed door. “Not long ago, you helped me to realize that my heritage didn’t make me a monster. Please let me help you to do the same…if you won’t talk to the others then at least confide in me-”

“Stay away from me, Loki!” After several moments of silence, (Y/N) heard his footsteps retreat and the door of her suite close, and she finally released the sobs she’d been suppressing. Her eyes squeezed shut in pain as she cried, hating herself for pushing Loki away but knowing that it was all to keep him safe from her.

As her sobs began to subside, a tingling sensation on the back of her neck made (Y/N) flutter her eyes open and slowly raise her head in confusion, and her gaze was instantly drawn to the reddish glow emanating underneath the closed door of her closet. Frowning, she got to her feet and cautiously approached the closet, hesitating a moment before grasping the handle and opening the door. Tucked behind her pairs of boots on the floor of the closet was a glowing red leather-bound book, the book King Tarian had gifted her on Asgard.

(Y/N) had only tried reading the book once, on the evening they’d returned from their trip to Asgard, and after experiencing one of the worst nightmares she’d ever had, she hid the book in her closet and hadn’t touched it since. But in that moment, while her fear and pain were at their most intense, she reached for the book without hesitation; hoisting it into her arms, she carried it over to the bed and sat before opening it to the page she’d previously marked.

Just as she remembered, the page was filled with graphic descriptions of the actions of her parents, but she didn’t shrink away from the words; it was almost as if her mind was on autopilot when she began flicking through the pages. She finally stopped on a page that depicted an illustration of a jagged blue-colored stone and her fingers trailed beneath the writing surrounding it as she read aloud:

“After claiming the throne of Alfheim as her own Layeia took possession of the realm’s most sacred artifact, the Fjӧlkyngi Steinn, fearing that an enemy would utilize its power to rob her of her destructive Alf Seidr. The artifact was returned to King Tarian upon the tyrant’s death…”

Before she’d even finished reading, (Y/N) had grabbed her cell phone and searched the internet for an Old Norse translation website; she typed in the name of the artifact and nodded once she saw the results. “‘Magic Stone.’” She summoned her magic to her fingers – hardly noticing that it was still a bright shade of red – and held them above the open book. “How do I use the Fjӧlkyngi Steinn?”

An invisible wind rustled the pages of the book and (Y/N) grimly watched their progress, her jaw set in determination as she continued reading and formulated a plan.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Around midnight, once she knew that her fellow teammates were fast asleep, (Y/N) crept out of her suite and made her way to the stairwell. She’d donned her uniform and fastened her sword to her waist as a precaution, since she had no idea what to expect when she reached the other realm, and while she’d dressed she was acutely aware that it would be the last time she’d ever put it on; her act of desertion after such a public incident wouldn’t go unpunished upon her return, and if her sentence wasn’t imprisonment than it would surely be expulsion from the Avengers.

“So be it,” (Y/N) spoke lowly under her breath as she stepped out onto the tower’s protruding helipad and walked to stand in the center. “If removing my magic will protect the people I love, then so be it.” Closing her eyes, she took a deep calming breath to center her mind before summoning her magic into the palms of her hands. The air around her hummed with energy and with her eyes still closed, she recalled what had been written down in her book. “‘Only the most powerful brand of Alf Seidr may open a doorway to the realm of Alfheim…’”

(Y/N) was about to begin the spell but the sound of the stairwell door being thrown open broke her concentration. “(Y/N)!” Her eyes flew open and she spun around to see Loki, his emerald-green eyes filled with a mixture of confusion and panic. “(Y/N), what are you doing?!”

“What needs to be done to keep you all safe.” She replied, heart clenching in her chest as she looked into her fiancé’s pleading face. “Please don’t try and stop me, Loki. This is my choice.”

“What, running away? I speak from experience when I say that running from your problems won’t do anything to solve them.” Loki took a slow step forward, raising a placating hand out towards her as he continued. “We can work through all of this together, darling, you needn’t carry this burden alone.”

While Loki spoke, (Y/N) calculated her next move; she knew that he’d do everything in his power to stop her from leaving, and she also knew that her magic was no match for his centuries of training and experience. So, she took a page out of Natasha’s book and forced herself to begin tearing up, choking out, “But I hurt people…”

Loki’s expression immediately softened and he strode forward to stand in front of her, gently cupping her face in his large hands. “So have I and yet you’ve always been by my side. You’re not alone in this, (Y/N), I swear that you’re not.”

Surging forward, (Y/N) captured his lips in a desperate kiss that served as both a distraction and a goodbye, for what she was about to do next would surely mean the end of their relationship. Loki predictably began kissing her back and just as his hands moved to rest on her hips, she brought hers up to either side of his head and sent streams of scarlet-colored magic straight into his mind, using all of her concentration to bend it to her will.

“I’m sorry, Loki, I’m so sorry…” (Y/N) sobbed, pulling away from him and crying real tears when she noticed his glowing red eyes and blank expression; after everything he’d gone through in his past, forcibly taking control of his mind was the worst thing she could ever do to him. I don’t deserve his love, she silently anguished, not after how I’ve just hurt him. Reaching down, her fingers trembled as she slipped off her engagement ring and tucked it into his pocket. “I’ll love you forever, sweetheart.”

The effort to control Loki’s mind was beginning to drain her energy so with a heavy heart, (Y/N) turned away from him and closed her tear-filled eyes once again; following the instructions in the book, she brought her hands up before her and imagined in her mind’s eye that her fingers were wrapping around the edges of a curtain. The air surrounding her hummed with energy and while her arms shook with effort, she slowly pulled her hands apart and opened her eyes to see a swirling red portal before her.

Without a single backwards glance at the man she loved, (Y/N) squared her shoulders and stepped through the portal to Alfheim.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: Oof, that was heavy...I just wanted you guys to know that I’ll be changing the update schedule for this fic from every week to every other week, I like having the extra time to work on this story so I think every other week will work better for me! Thank you guys for understanding and I’ll see you in two weeks!

Thank you all so much for reading and commenting! I’ve created a Spotify playlist inspired by this series, and I’ll be updating it every time I upload a new chapter. Enjoy!

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2wx8TZwpDN0l33tES3W3Nk

Chapter Twenty

Spellbinding Masterlist

Tagging: @nexiva @ravenclawbitch426 @cminr @confusedfandomwriter @momc95 @nickkie1129 @austynparksandpizza @brooke0297 @destructivebliss @outoftheregular @ladydmalfoy @itscomplicatedx @0-artemis @vivloki

#spellbinding #loki x reader #loki odinson x reader #loki laufeyson x reader #loki #loki odinson #loki laufeyson #steve rogers #captain america #natasha romanoff #black widow #sam wilson #falcon #marvel cinematic universe

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3mmafr0st · 3 years

Text

Remember Me - Bucky Barnes x Reader

Bucky Barnes x Reader Word Count: 3.5k (This is the longest thing I’ve ever written in one siting I think

Next Part->

Warnings: SMUT and everything that comes with it, Talk of death and murder, violence, guns, brainwashing

A/N: I had a really good time writing this so if you want this to be a series then say so because I will! Also I had to manually space this whole thing so sorry if the format is kinda weird

I hated that chair. It made me forget things, made me forget him. It never worked completely, I fought too hard, fought to remember him. Our last mission was one that I would fight the hardest I ever have to remember.

The minute I walked through the threshold, I saw him. If the black muzzle-like mask identical to mine, and the darkness in his eyes wasn't enough, then the silvery left arm with a familiar red star on the shoulder similar to the one on my knee sealed the deal. My body immediately relaxed the moment I saw him, but I didn’t know why. I wracked my brain for answers to the question. What was his name? Sadly, yet another thing that I couldn’t remember. Then again, I couldn't remember my own name, never mind someone else's. He looked me in the eyes and I could feel something in his stare, but I didn’t dwell on it, instead sitting myself down next to him to prepare myself for the briefing.

The two of us settled into our hotel room. The room was nice, the standard one bedroom with a bathroom connected and an attached balcony. The balcony overlooked the street, across from a well known cafe that the target frequented. The two of us were meant to stay at the hotel until one of us got the shot, and by one of us, they meant Soldat. We weren’t told who the target was, just a face and location. I didn't know why they sent me on this mission. I did have the eyes of a hawk, which might have been why, but I had no experience with long distance killing. He, Soldat, was the expert. The two of us sat on the balcony, as he fiddled with the gun, making sure that it was just the way he wanted it. I watched the cafe, searching for the target. The two of us sat like that for a while, I was his eyes, but he was my trigger, in more than one way. Every time my eyes would drift over to him, a memory resurfaced, another mission that we were on in the past, or fleeting moments that I didn’t quite understand. It wasn't much at all, but it was something. He surprised me when he talked first.

“How much do you remember?” I quickly checked my person and the area around me. “Don’t worry, I've already scanned the area for bugs.”

“I have bits and pieces of old missions, but that’s it, nothing solid.: I had thought about lying, telling him that I didn't remember anything to save face, but the minute I looked into his eyes, I just knew I couldn't keep anything from him. I didn't know why, but just looking at him made me want to tell every single thing about me. “What about you?”

“Maybe it's because they’ve been doing it for so long that I’ve built up a tolerance or something like that, but the last few times it's gotten weaker and weaker.” I felt something, some sort of feeling that sat in my heart that I didn’t quite understand.

“Do you want to talk about it? If you don't, I get it, but then again it's not like we have anything else to do for a while.” He took a second to gather his thoughts, longer than expected. It worried me, what happened?“It was a reconnaissance mission, the two of us were sent as a couple, two oil tycoons that had shady business dealings. The middle gets fuzzy, but I remember something happened between us and that’s why we were sent to the chair, for extra conditioning.” What the hell did ‘something’ mean? I felt my heart race, my stomach twisting in knots. This was going to be a tough mission.

It had been 4 long and strenuous days, with a regular schedule of waking up an hour before the cafe opened, and then staking out together on the balcony until closing, when we finally got to do what we wanted like eating and sleeping.

The heat of his body had become familiar to me in the past few days. I always woke up first, his arm always slung over me, having done it in his sleep, and every morning I would move the arm and get myself ready before he would wake up.

The two of us met up on the balcony as the cafe opened, and that's when I spotted him, the target. I looked down at the photo to double check, and there was no doubt in my mind that it was him. I tapped Soldat’s knee with my metal one and pointed to the target on the ground.

“He’s here,” I whispered. Once he got a clear view of the target, I heard two almost silent puffs of air, and the man fell to the ground, dead. Although the man sitting beside me intrigued me to no end, he was terrifying at the same time. The fact that I knew the second shot was only a precautionary measure and the fact that both of us could kill each other if we tried hard enough was enough of an idea to scare the hell out of me for some reason. At the same time though, it was sort of invigorating, to have someone who gets it, who understands what I’ve been through.

“I’m going to take a shower,” He said gruffly, and quickly packed up the gun and headed off to the bathroom. I sighed, disappointed that he was in that much of a hurry to leave me. I looked out onto the chaos that was happening. The “police” had arrived, but in reality, they were false officers, agents of Hydra sent to differ and obscure the investigation like normal. The man laced dead on the pavement, and I couldn’t help but let my mind wander, who was this man, was he a good person, or bad? Did he have a family? The thoughts pushed me even deeper. Who were we anyway? When were either of us born, what are our names, do we have families?

It was all too much to bear at that moment, so I decided the best course of action would be to get in some comfortable clothes, namely the large tee shirt that was given to me as pajamas, and relax. I slid the glass door open, the cold and dry processed air of the hotel room hit me. I pulled the shirt out of my bag and changed into just the shirt and panties. I flooded onto the bed as hard as I could, metal hitting against the wood of the bed. It was so comfortable for the time that I was alone. I spread myself out on the bed, rolling around in the blankets and for a brief moment, just enjoyed myself. The feeling of cotton sheets against my leg made me smile contently, the cool of the metal contrasting with the warmth of the bed. The whole thing made me feel like I was off in another world, the life I would have had without Hydra.

Maybe I really was in my own world, because as I rolled to lay flat on my back, and opened my eyes there he was. He simply stood at the door of the bathroom, only a towel around his body, looking at me with a masked expression, hiding any reactions he might have had. I immediately sat upright on the side of the bed, a blush starting to creep up over my face.

“You know, if I was an enemy combatant, you would be dead right now.” His face didn’t change, but he took a step closer to me, making me want to look down. It wasn’t just the fact that he had caught me in such a vulnerable position state, it was his too. Throughout the entire mission, and any mission that I had glimpses of, he had always stayed as dressed as possible, never even taking his shirt off before bed. I could see every muscle across the wide expanse of his chest all the way down to where his hips began to create a v-shape. The sight was almost mouthwatering and I honestly didn’t know how to handle the sight. He was a good spy, he could tell that I was clearly uncomfortable. I stared harder at the ground from my seat on the side of the bed, as he stepped even further towards me, settling right in front of me.

“What’s wrong, you’re upset?” He’s slightly confused but I still hid from his gaze. I felt his hand underneath my jaw, tilting my chin up so I was forced to look up at him.

The moment his skin hit mine, images, events began to flood my brain, his smile, the two of us together laughing, our hands intertwined. His hand moved back in shock, and stepped back a little. At that moment I knew that the same thing had happened to him.

“Did you just remember too?” I nodded, and he sat down on the bed next to me, trying to process.“What did you see?”

“The two of us, old missions, I don’t quite understand” My voice caught in my throat as an idea hit me. It was a bit of a long shot, but maybe, just maybe, it could work. “What if we’re triggering each other?”

“That makes sense, but why?”

“Maybe if we do more, we’ll find out.” My voice wavered, worried that he wouldn’t agree, that he would reject the idea immediately. Instead, he simply said nothing, looking at me intensely. Slowly, his hand cupped my cheek, his eyes scanning mine for any hint of regret or hesitation. Tentatively, he leaned in, my eyes fluttering closed as our lips finally met.

It was like an explosion, our lips moulded together perfectly as images and memories began to appear in my head. We had done this before, so many times before. I grasped onto him, trying to find something to anchor me. I threaded my hands in his still-damp hair, as his arm wrapped around my waist pulling me impossibly closer. The contact made me gasp, and he deepened the kiss, our tongues dancing together as more and more visions hit me. Other missions where this exact same set of events continued to happen over and over again. It was the strongest sense of deja vu that I had ever felt.

His body began to press closer to me, pushing me down into the bed. I finally broke the kiss so I could breathe. I looked up at him, his eyes had almost lost all of their blue, leaving only dark pits behind. I quickly pulled the large tee over my head with his elf, and his eyes followed to my chest. It was like I could read his mind, and I knew what he was trying to do. Although that sounded amazing, I had a different plan in mind.

Using my superstrength, I flipped the two of us over so he was the one lying with his legs dangled over the edge of the bed. His eyes met mine, and I couldn’t help but smirk as I raked my nails over his chest, eliciting a quiet groan from his lips. God, I never wanted him to stop making those sounds, I just wanted to make him feel good. I had no idea how the towel stayed around his waist, but it had. Kneeling down, I slowly undid the towel. It was huge to say the least. For a minute, I wondered how the hell I was going to get the whole thing in my mouth, but the minute the thought occurred, it was followed by memories of doing exactly that. I didn’t want to tease him, but I just couldn't help but enjoy the view in front of me, watch his chest heave, his body beginning to glisten with sweat, his dick resting on his stomach, going a little past his navel. The only words I could use to describe him in this very moment was perfect.

My hand rested on his stomach. I felt the muscles in his abdomen tense as my tongue hit his cock, licking one long strip up the shaft, before bringing the head into my mouth. I felt his hand wrap itself into my hair, pulling me even farther onto his dick. I slacked my jaw and hollowed my cheeks as best as possible as I slowly sank farther and farther until my nose hit the base of his dick. The groan he made as his cock hit the back of my throat made me begin to squeeze down around nothing, my panties already ruined at this point. I waited there for a minute, trying to make sure I would be ok for what happened next.

He immediately took control the minute I began to relinquish it, rutting his hips up and into my mouth, pushing my head down onto his dick. I looked up at him, watching as his head flew back, his mouth parted and groans and moans spilling from his mouth. His thrusts started shallow and slow, but began to pick up pace, as I could feel him get closer and closer, his moans louder and louder. His hips began to stutter, and I felt his cock twitch in my mouth.

“Fuck, Y/N.” His hips slammed forward into my mouth, as I felt him spilling into my mouth. I pulled myself up, and swallowed.

Y/N, I knew what it had to be, but I was still in awe and shock. I hadn’t heard that in forever. I must have remembered some time along and told him, archived in his memories. I couldn’t help but hope that this would help me go even deeper into my past. My name had been lost to me for so long, it was nice to finally have an inkling as to who I was.

My eyes locked with his, as he sat up, pulling me up to my feet. He wasted no time, pulling me down on the bed and rolling me on my back.

Our lips met, the kiss passionate, and yet soft and gentle. He moved lower and lower, kissing his way down my body. I closed my eyes, simply enjoying the way that his mouth felt on me, but gasped as he latched onto my nipple, swirling around the peak while rolling the other in his metal fingers. I moaned out at the different sensations, but I pulled his head up, so he could look me in the eyes.

“Please, I need you inside me,” I was out of breath, but he got the point. My body was already clenching around nothing and couldn’t wait any longer. A smirk spread over his face, his ego starting to form, a personality that I had never seen before, but his face jogged more and more memories. His fingers trailed down to my core, trailing his fingers through, collecting my wetness in his fingers. I gasped at the feeling of finally being touched, some sort of relief.

“Fuck, doll, all this for me?”

“Only you, no one else.” My rambles were cut off, a moan ripping through my throat as he pressed down on my clit, rubbing rough circles on the bud. His hand trailed downward, and eased two fingers into me, making sure I was ready for him. He pushed in and out a few times, before pulling them out of me, taking them into his own mouth. His face looked like he was eating the best thing he’d ever tasted.

My eyes were glued to him as he began to line himself up, bringing the tip of his cock up and down my pussy, just enjoying the way he looked standing like that. Slowly, he pushed into me, easing his way in until I felt his thighs hit my ass, my legs wrapping around his hips, trying to keep him in this place as I moaned out, the feeling of being so so full filling my senses. His dick snugly hit that special spot inside of me, causing my head to spin with pleasure.

He waited until he knew that I was absolutely ok, before pulling out just as slowly as he went in, almost completely out, before quickly slamming his hips back in, making me scream out. He kept a fast and brutal pace, no longer being able to control himself.

“Fuck, I didn’t know how much I missed this, doll. You’re squeezing my cock so good.” His words only made me clamp down more, egging me on. I bit down on my lip hard, but he leaned down and began to kiss me, pulling my lip out from between my lips. He broke the kiss, settling his face near my ear. “Don’t you dare stop makin’ those noises.”

I could feel my stomach begin to tighten, the familiar knot forming in my abdomen as he kept hitting the spot inside of me perfectly. He must have noticed I was trying to hold off for him

“Cum for me doll, I’m right behind you.” His thumb pressed against my clit and I was done for, my vision going black, as my body shook under him, as I felt his cum inside of me, filling me up.

A word, a name bubbled up to the front of my tongue, overflowing and pushing its way out of my mouth. “Bucky!”

I couldn't see for a minute, my vision cloudy and hazy, but I felt him slip out of me. I whined at the empty feeling in me, as he got up and went to the bathroom. A minute later, he came back, washcloth in hand. Silently, he cleaned me up, before casting the small towel aside, settling on the bed next to me.

“I missed you,Y/N”

“I missed you too, Bucky” The name felt right, the right sounds that fit perfectly with the way he looked and acted. His face softened, as the memories of the two of us hung heavy in the air.

“I know this might be a bit far, but I hate doing this,”

“Me too, doll. I want to remember you.”

“I say when they put us in the chair this time, we fight for the memories, and next mission, we run like hell.”

“That sounds like a perfect idea”

I had thought it out coming back to the facility, how they wouldn’t be able to overpower both of us at the same time, so if we gave no indication that we could remember again, they wouldn’t have any worry. The only problem was where the hell we were supposed to go. I was pretty sure that the facility was in America, the plane that we took was over a large body of water as we came back, and all of the people at the hotel had French accents, or spoke the language. I had no clue who I was, besides my name, and my love for Bucky, but damn if I wasn’t going to find out where the hell we came from.

I was strapped down to the chair, my limbs bound in tight leather to the seat, with a piece in my mouth, and the clamps on my head. They turned the machine on, and pain shot through every part of my body. I felt the memories wanting to fade away, but I shut my eyes, trying to push myself, will myself to remember. The pain was unbearable, so instead I made myself a room. A little room in my head where I would stay with my best memories away from the pain. The room had walls and doors made out of the metal in my leg, a metal I’ve never seen anyone break. I stood in the room, going through the memories, through everything that had ever happened between Bucky and I.

Finally, the machine eased off of its power, and my body relaxed, relieved that the torture was finally over. I searched my mind, and found my little room, intact. I wanted to jump up and down, celebrate my success over the machine that had been the bane of my existence for as long as I could remember, but I couldn't. I stayed strong faced, and yet blank, as I heard the door open and out walked the man, the one they called Pierce. He was our handler.

“Mission Report”

“The two of us arrived at the hotel, we waited for four days until the target arrived, which was when we executed the mission and were extracted.” My voice was monotone and dull, the way I would sound normally after I had been fully wiped, with only memories of how to maim, kill, and spy.

“Very good, you may go to your room now, you have a new mission for tomorrow.” His words were cold, and two of the people who worked here grabbed either of my arms, leading me to the place that I was left to sleep. I looked up at the ceiling, thoughts swirling through my head, did Bucky make it out ok? What did he remember? I could help with that though, the memories would come back. But that was just a part of this. We were going to get out of this hell hole, and no one could stop us.

219 notes · View notes

binunus · 3 years

Text

college bf!jinjin

a/n yes yes yes 100x yes, here's the next installment of the college bf!astro series hehe, hope you enjoy it love 😙

{request: Would it be possible to get a college boyfriend Jinjin too?? I super loved the Bin one you did!!!! Thank you in advance 💜}

→ genre: fluff, smut

→ word count: 3k

_________________________________________

alright theydies

jinwoo–like everyone else in astro–makes me hella hard and soft at the same time so this is gonna be fun

major: music engineer technology

i saw that one ddoca where he was directing all the members for his song and just !!! grr bark bark

literally a fucking sweetie

one of the kindest people you will ever meet in your life

his face is so gentle, especially when he smiles

and then you hear his voice and you're like woah why is it so deep and raspy hey

and then he laughs or giggles and you're like ahh that looks more like you hehe

roommates with university famous dancer!rocky bc i love rap line

such a good roommate and hyung omg

will always make sure rocky eats dinner or takes a shower before going to bed even though he’s exhausted from dance practice or whatever

always shows off how talented rocky (and the rest of the boys) is

very chill

which is a bit of a surprise to everyone bc one of his best friends is literally myungjun

anyway, how do you two meet??

you're a vocal performance major

coincidentally, the same major as myungjun

oh god so you can bet he really played matchmaker for you two

you and myungjun were doing a duet together for one of your final projects during your second year

and you two were joking around like

damn, we should record this, we sound pretty fire

*cue myungjun immediately calling jinjin*

mj: ARE YOU AT THE STUDIO?? ARE YOU FREE RIGHT NOW??

jin: hyung why are you yelling it's literally 6 pm

anyway, it was spontaneous but you and myungjun end up going to one of the recording studios in the music building where jinwoo very often frequents at

you're like a bit shy, like wtf myungjun you didn't tell me that your friend was cute?? you would have worn something better than sweats and a tank

jin's so nice ugh, just imagine him smiling at you as he introduces himself

literally you melted

his fit? bucket hat, glasses, shorts and a tee

it was so casual, but why did he look so cute??

myungjun convinces jinwoo to let you guys record in the studio

it took him just 10 minutes to set up the equipment and everything

you were just looking at him like ooo looks so professional

sksksk im gross

myungjun goes first bc you were nervous

and yeah duh he was a natural, but you couldn't help but admire jinwoo in his prime

he looked so attractive in the producer chair just like instructing mj in the booth

he didn't even know what kind of song you guys were singing, but he directed him so smoothly so that the best parts of myungjun's voice came out

mj joking around: why's your mouth open, y/n? amazed at my voice?

you roll your eyes: sure if that's what you want to believe

your thoughts: ah haha i was totally not oogling your best friend myungjun, totally not

and then it was your turn to go in the booth

you don't know why, but you were hella nervous singing in front of them–or more so, in front of jinwoo

which is dumb bc you're literally a vocal performance major, you sing in front of strangers all the damn time

but you really wanted to impress him for some reason??

okay, you had no reason to be nervous because as soon as you opened your mouth?? jinnie?? literally awestruck

he's heard a lot of singers, obviously bc he's had to record so many of them

but you?? your voice?? a literal siren for him–but in a good way!

your singing entranced him

and then you looked out of the booth to see him just staring at you and your throat went dry

your voice cracked, you've never felt more embarrassed in your life

you: ah! oh my God I'm so sorry, that was horrendous

myungjun's laughing at you, what a nice duet partner

but jin just smiles bc you're whining and hiding your face in your hands

you were so cute??

jinwoo: it's okay y/n, you were doing really good. let's try that again, okay?

he was so sweet about it, ugh you were blushing

you end up recording again, and this time you made the smart decision to close your eyes and just try and focus on the lyrics

and shit, if jinjin wasn’t already a bit interested in you before, he definitely was now

because the way you looked completely immersed in the song and lyrics

his heart skipped like ten miles i dont know

myungjun just knew from the way jinwoo was staring at you

you didn’t get his number from the first meeting

bitch you were too shy, you just squeaked out a “thank you, hope myungjun and I weren’t too much of a bother”

jin: hyung’s always a bother, but you were totally fine

mj: hey!

anyway you leave with a bit of regret, like you should have at least gotten his snapchat or social media or something

or make a dumb excuse to try and see him again

ah but mj was already ten steps ahead of you and jinjin ;)

when you get back to your apartment, there’s a text from myungjun like

“come back to jinwoo’s studio tomorrow for the final mix of our duet”

you immediately jump at the opportunity: okay! what time?

damn could you be any more obvious??

this time you actually tried to look cute, like you were going to see jinwoo again, you couldn’t look like a rat

you get to the studio at the time myungjun told you and you’re like?? oh it’s just jinwoo here?? maybe myungjun’s running a bit late??

jinwoo: oh hey y/n! wasn’t expecting to see you again so soon

you: ???? myungjun told me to come here to listen to the final mix...

jinwoo being shy: he didn’t tell me about that haha

you’re embarrassed, about to turn on your heel and book it

maybe also thinking of murdering myungjun on the way back to your place

but then jinwoo grabs your wrist before you could leave

and you literally felt a spark at his touch, it made you jump a little bit

jin: you can stay if you want–I mean, you came all this way already, I’d be a bit of jerk if I just make you leave

you: I-uh-don’t wanna intrude

he just shakes his head with a smile: you’re not, don’t worry. besides, I’m actually working on your song right now, you can tell me what you think

and that’s how you end up hanging out with jinwoo alone in the studio

you were obviously very awkward and nervous at first

what do you say to him? should you ask him questions? what if you’re bothering him? god you don’t want to sound like an idiot

jinwoo noticed your nervousness––and yes he was nervous too, but he just hid it better than you

he hands you a pair of headphones: here, listen to what I have done so far

you’re like pleasantly surprised??? you and myungjun sound so professional?? like damn put this out on spotify or something

you’re smiling and jinwoo just feels like a huge sense of relief like phew okay you like it so far

and then you two just get to talking while he’s still mixing

you ask him how he got into music and his major and all that fun stuff

you find out that jin’s always loved music and the actual producing aspect of it, he hopes to be a music producer one day and he just flirts with you like

“hey maybe one day you can sing my songs on stage”

and you’re like ??? me???

jin: you have one of the best voices I’ve ever heard, it would be an honor for me

ugh jinwoo stop im blushing

you two end up ordering food and eating at the studio bc he promised himself that he wouldn’t leave until he finished your duet and you didn’t wanna leave him alone tf

you and jinwoo exchange numbers this time hehe

before you leave, he’s like “this was nice y/n, you should come over and keep me company more often :) if...you want of course”

you: i’d be happy to! just text me any time :)

internally you’re screaming like yes !!

you can bet that you start spending a lot of your free time with jinwoo in the music studio

sometimes it’s just you two

sometimes myungjun and their other friends make appearances too

and that’s how you get introduced to their friend group

myungjun to either of you: you’re spending a lot of time with jin/yn lately ;)

about a month after meeting each other, jinwoo asks you out on a date

with the encouragement of astro

it was all expected let’s be honest

cliche first date at the movies, but like you both loved it

wouldn’t be surprised if astro was spying on you two, sitting like a couple rows behind and watching your every move

but shhh if they did, you and jinwoo didn’t notice

the transition from liking each other → going on dates → making it exclusive went so smoothly

you and jin were hooked on each other after the first couple meetings that it just seemed so right

myungjun will never stop saying that he’s the reason why you two are in a relationship

you and the other boys grow very fond with each other–particularly sanha

and that was important for jinwoo bc the guys are like his family and it’s basically a dream for him that his partner and friends are close too

sanha is his child do not @ me

so by osmosis, sanha becomes like your baby too

the two of you literally coddle sanha, it’s cute okay

they all go to you and jin for relationship advice sksksk

bc to them, you two just seem so made for each other :’)

the !! sweetest !! most perfect !! boyfriend

will walk you to class in the morning even if his class is all the way across campus

and you’re like: jinwoo it’s okay, i can see you after this class, you might get late!

jin being pouty: i just wanna spend more time with you :(

im in love with jinjin

loves holding your hand, even when you two are in the studio and he’s mixing something for class or just for fun, he’s still holding your hand

whenever he makes a composition, you’re the first person he shows

really values what you think of his work

vice versa, when you have a song you need to sing, you always ask him to listen to you first

you don’t sugarcoat with each other when it comes to music

will ask you to sing literally all the time

jinwoo gives the best hugs :’)

it’s just so comforting, one of his hands strokes your hair, while the other one rubs your lower back

you know what kind of picture im creating?? yeah

ooooof baby you go with him when he gets his tattoos

you hold his hand through it the entire time even though he probably didn’t feel much pain from it

and like his big ass chest tattoo??? are you drooling??? 1000%

when jinwoo realizes that you get ??? turned on?? by his tattoos, you bet he begins to walk around shirtless in your apartment

is this my transition to down and dirty? yes it is

your first time with him was mmm rough and it’s all thanks to that chest tattoo

you and jinwoo have been steamy before, like makeout sessions and dry humping, and oral (both receiving), but the actual action of fucking? y’all haven’t done it before that night

ofc he’s being a little tease and walking around shirtless

he was always touching you though, not explicitly, but like say you were washing the dishes, he would walk past you and brush his hand passed your waist and he’d whisper in your ear like: sorry baby excuse me

and like he’s done this the whole day so just at one point you lose it and literally push him against the wall and start making out with him

ah he knew you were gonna crack

and god you were so turned on at this point that you were not having any of that soft shit, like you needed him to fuck you asap

jinwoo fucks you so hard your first time together that you couldn’t walk the next day

hehe

oh boy he likes to bite

yes he’s the sweetest, but in the bedroom?? lowkey a bit of a masochist

it’s okay bc you don’t mind a little bit of pain ;)

daddy!! kink!! i dont make the rules

will call you baby girl/boy

he’s the dom, like will very rarely let you dom him

very private with your sex life, you won’t catch him teasing you in public with other people around

and if you try, like say if you whisper daddy in his ear or something while you are hanging out with the guys, oof it’s gonna be a rough night for you

alright but studio sex

has he recorded your moans before?? or you two having sex in the booth?? yes

debatably, studio sex happens more than bedroom sex, but that’s only because most of jinwoo’s time is literally in the music building

jinwoo dirty talk !! with his sexy ass raspy voice !!

ugh jin moaning in your ear what a good girl/good boy you are for him while he’s just fucking you

will slightly degrade you?? like yes you are his cocksleeve

but he also praises you a lot during sex too

ooh you better hope you don’t have a gag reflex bc he’s all into throat fucking

favorite position is actually missionary, believe it or not

he loves seeing you come undone for him

eye contact during sex?? yes

like he will make sure you’re looking at him when you cum, periodt

favorite place to cum is your face oops

also very much into cockwarming

most of the time, your sessions are rough just bc your vibes are like that

but when they’re soft and slow?? and like making love??

literally the most passionate man ever

jin makes it all about you and your pleasure when he’s being gentle

after care is full of kisses and cuddles and I love yous

always makes sure you drink water after having sex

stay hydrated kids

and jinwoo’s back to being the bestest boyfriend :’)

first i love you was when you two were in bed together

you both just woke up and were cuddling

jin was watching the video you sent him of you practicing this one song for an upcoming performance

and you were still drowsy, so you were literally drifting in and out of sleep while he was listening to your video

and jinwoo was just awestruck, he’s always been in love with your voice from the get go, but the way you executed this song? even though it was just practice? his chest was constricting

you’re like mumbling when the video stops: i still need to work more on the bridge, my tone gets a bit flat during it, right?

and he just smiles softly at you even though your eyes are closed and you can’t see him

he thought it was perfect already, you were perfect already

and he just calls your name: y/n

you: hmm??

jin: I love you

and suddenly you’re awake and meeting his eyes

they were so genuine and serious and full of love, you don’t even hesitate to say it back

honestly not the jealous type, he’s so patient and trusting and knows that you’re crazy about only him

will constantly reassure you about any of your insecurities: body, voice, school, your relationship, anything

jinwoo just has such a calming aura around him that you can’t help but feel like, as long as he’s by your side everything will be okay

the two of you have many deep talks together, especially at night before going to sleep, it’s what makes your relationship so solid

jinwoo just knew that he wanted to marry you, even early on into your relationship

there was no one that supported him more in his dreams, no one that he’s ever truly felt connected with, no one that he’s shared all his deepest fears with than you

and like after a year of dating like he couldn’t picture a future without you in it

he’s a romantic :’)

shortly before graduating, he makes a song about you and he’s actually singing in it

ugh main vocal jinjin rise

and he shows it to you in the music studio where you first met

and it’s about how much he loves you and admires you and treasures you

basically a proposal but not really

and you’re so touched, like literally moved to tears because it was so beautiful

and lowkey he was cringing at hearing his singing voice but you still loved it nonetheless

and afterwards, jinwoo was like: I wanna spend the rest of my life with you y/n, I’m not asking you to marry me right now, obviously I’ll propose to you in a better way in the future, but I’m serious about you and I can’t imagine being with anyone else.

you jump into his lap and kiss him and just keep saying I love you in between kisses

and jinwoo’s all smiley and giggly like: do you feel the same??

and you hit his arm all jokingly, yes of course you do

you just sit on his lap and he’s hugging you while the two of you are listening to more of his projects and jinwoo’s just thinking like wow I love this person so much

maybe the two of you do owe it to myungjun for playing matchmaker

i guess mj can be the best man at your wedding

y’all this was so soft??

but yes jinnie’s the best bf/husband material out there

im in love with him

_________________________________________________

2-8-21

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xsugarysweetsx · 3 years

Text

𝒞𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓉𝑒𝓇 5

A/N: I may have made a twilight reference but I do like their concept of vampire abilities

Warnings; language; Levi having feelings??;

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“Ugh..no..p..please no..No..NO!“ you spring up in bed panting in a sweat. Just a nightmare, another nightmare. This was only the 3rd day you had been there but the nightmares never gave you a break. The next thing that happened was footsteps running into your room. Your door swings open with Hanji holding a book in hand, Levi was in a fighting stance. They only saw you disheveled from your previous nightmare

“S-sorry guys it was just a stupid nightmare...I’m okay“ you reassure them moving the hair from your face

“The hell were you going to do with a book?“ Levi asks looking at Hanji

“You know maybe, knock some sense into them“ she looked around the room hoping for a laugh from her corny joke. You had to give it to her, she always tried to lighten things up “Hehe, anyway enough bad jokes we need you for something really quick”

“Oh sure“ getting up from the bed you grab a sweater and throw it on over your tank top. Following them you realize it was about 2 am, the forest was quiet and the house’s atmosphere was cool against your skin.

“So what do you need me to do?“ you ask as Hanji opens the front door

“Well, Levi here is our spy and we need to know the exact location of where Zeke can be. You’ll also need some info from the underground” grabbing a coat from the hall closet she gives it to you “Only you know where it is so you’ll have to go with Levi.“

“Only problem is the bastard’s got a couple of goons and the last thing we need is for them or him to pick up your scent. So throw the jacket on“ taking your sweater off you put on the black jacket. It smelled of lemon and detergent, it was nice. Next thing you knew Levi squatted slightly in front of you “Come on we don’t have all night, the sun will come up soon and that’s the last thing I need“

“Right“ hesitantly you take a hold of his shoulders. His hands find the back of your knees and hoist you up on to his back

“Alright, you both have 4 hours to locate and try and get any information you can. Good luck” and just like that, you were off. For someone who was his height, he was strong. He swiftly jumps onto lower tree branches, as to not be too far from the ground. Being up so high and on his back made you hold on to him tighter

“Relax I won’t drop you,” he said hoisting you a bit higher on his hips “now which direction did you run from?”

“I...think it was that way” you point to the northwest of where you stood. Jumping from one tee to the next he barely made a sound. With the occasional rustle of leaves, he was a quiet as a bird. Soon a broken-down roof comes into view. Going into a tree with more leaves he sets you down for a moment. You still hold on to his shoulder for balance

“This shit place it?” He asked

“Yeah this is it...” you confirm

“For the most part, we know where the monkey lives.” Facing you he looks you dead in the eyes “We have to go somewhere and I need you to stay close to me and try not to draw attention. Got it?”

You give him a sharp nod, getting back on his back you hold on tight as you fall back to the ground. He continues his way on the ground, you so happened to have gotten a whiff of his scent which was exact to the one on the jacket. That’s when you had started to notice the way he was built. There wasn’t much skin to see but you could tell he was well built just by the feel of his shoulders.

You would be lying if you said he unattractive, you could feel your cheeks heating at the thoughts, but right now wasn’t the time. It was a bit awkward so you struck up a conversation

“So um, what’s this underground place anyway?“ you ask

“Think of it as a place where vampires can roam around during the day. They can get their blood fills, party, gamble, anything a human can do aside from being in the sun.“ coming to what looked like a cave entrance he puts you down “Remember what I said, keep a low profile, and stay close to me. We’re going to see someone who might know the answers to all this shit.“

Upon entering the cave it was almost like a whole city in there. Buzzing with chatter and the smell of blood filled the air, it almost made you nauseous. Your hand stayed locked in his elbow as you let him lead you through the crowd.

Looking around vampires were much closer to humans than how they were always described as. Not all of them were pale, or mysterious or walked around in capes and dressed like goths. Huh, maybe you should make the next vampire film.

“We’re almost there“ he makes a turn to an alleyway and came to a lonely door “Listen this old man has some screws missing, just stay close.“ knocking on the door there was silence then some low cursing as the door swung open. A tall man with a bit of stubble on his chin, and with the same sharp grey eyes.

“Well look who came, and you brought a little lady with you too“ he smirked and looked your way

“Shut it old man I just need some information“ Levi sneered. They seemed to know each other well

“The hell would I know about humans mixing in with vampires, “ he said leaning against the doorway “I’ve been around for a while runt, I can spot a human in any crowd.“

“That’s exactly why we need to talk, Kenny.“ damn was he that good that he could tell you were human? Moving aside he lets you both into his small home, it was mostly covered in alcohol bottles, and much dirtier than it should be. Nonetheless, he pulls out a chair and sits down ready for questions.

“What do you know about hybrids?” he said trying not to touch anything in the home

“What? Thinking about having kids with the lady here“ he motioned to you

“No, some bastard wants to make them by force and we don’t know what he’s planning, “ he said crossing his arms

“Ah Levi, always playing the hero huh?“ he chuckles and leans further back into the chair “Well, we Ackermans used to part of hybrids some of the family were hybrids themselves. Having the ability to walk in daylight gave them the up hand. They fed anytime they wanted, healed easily, on top of that they had fewer weaknesses. But people started abusing power, women died..“

“Abusing power?“ you questioned and he nodded

“Some people wanted to dominate any other race, just a world of vampires and hybrids. It came to a point only certain women with a certain blood type could bear the kids and live after it.“ he explains further “So now it’s a bit taboo to have or be a hybrid, knowing the history.“ the beeping of Levi’s watch started going off. Sunrise was coming soon, you had to leave before it was too late.

Nudging through the crowd he’s practically carrying you just to be faster. Emerging from the cave the smallest specks of light could be seen lighting up the sky. It was honestly beautiful, but it was deadly for him, so no time to stop and admire. Luckily Levi was as fast as he was strong and you made it in no time. As soon as he stepped inside you waited just a moment to see the sunrise

“Hey Levi?“ you called

“What is it?“ he asked from the inside out

“You wanna see the sunset?“ you ask him. Walking inside you find some lose cardboard and take him outside

“The hell are you doing?!” he asked not trusting your idea for a damn minute

“Just trust me, I won’t let you burn” you reassure him. He rolls his eyes but still takes your hand and you lead him outside. You set the board up at a certain angle to give him shade and for him to see. As soon as the sun came up he was almost hypnotized.

“Beautiful huh?” You ask as you watch his face in amusement. You didn’t have to know much about him to know, he’s had a rough life. The sun rose higher into the sky which was your cue to get him inside. Covering him with the jacket you take him inside, unharmed.

There was a bit of silence between you both. As you took your shoes off and made your way to the stairs he speaks up

“Thank you.” He said bluntly “....for coming with me..” he sounded almost strained. Maybe he was thanking you for the little sunrise show, you just smile and respond

“Of course Levi,” you said with a smile “I’m um...going to go and shower real quick alright, you should rest up” you leave making your way up the stairs leaving him in the hall.

“I see you’re warming up to her“ Erwin says coming from a different room “that’s good, you’ve needed the interaction for some time now“

“Tch, I don’t have any time for that“ he scoffed as he made his way to the stairs

“you did at one point“ he mumbled to the raven-haired man, making him stop for a moment. Without turning he said

“...maybe I did...but not anymore“ and continued on his way up. Walking down the hallway he could hear your conversation with Hanji. The door was slightly open and he saw you sitting on a chair fresh out of the shower. Your hair was still wet, and your skin dewy. You may have been giving her information but at the same time, you had a gentle smile on your face.

For the past 3 days, this was the first time he saw a genuine smile.

“Hanji...do you..will Zeke find me here? Will he..“ even with all the hope in the world you were still afraid

“Y/N“ Hanji took your hand “I know it’s a lot to take in right now but, with Levi here I’m pretty sure Zeke won’t even step foot in here.“ she smiles with a yawn

“Thanks, Hanji...you should rest“ before you could spot him, Levi leaves to his room. Closing the door he huffs as he leans against the door and stares at the ceiling. He pushes himself off and walks over to the small nightstand and opens the first drawer, pulling out something. He gazes at the picture in hand, not wanting to look at it much longer he outs it back and closes the drawer.

He falls with a sigh on to his bed and says to himself

“The hell is happening to me?”

...

You cleaned up around the house while everyone else slept. Your friends crossed your mind. Sasha taking you out to restaurants, Eren telling you some weird stories, Christa just being the sweetheart that she was. It made you chuckle a bit, but you wondered what they thought of you being gone. You missed Mochi too, his adorable face waking you up every morning.

But, this was better for you and the people you cared for. The less they were involved the fewer people will get hurt. For whatever reason Levi popped in your head. The way he was looking at the sunset, almost like a child looking at stars for the first time. It made you just a bit sad that he never saw something so simple yet so amazing. Next thing you knew a giggle escapes your lips along with a smile

“...oh god Y/N, no.” You murmur to yourself “you shouldn’t now, especially him, he could never...” your head and heart were saying two different things. Yet, you couldn’t at least not in this situation.

<><><><>

“I’m telling you he’s gone insane!“ one man whispered

“I have to agree with you...at first it was a good idea abut now I think he’s going too far-“

“Too far huh?“ a deeper voice enters making the two previous men jump

“N-no it’s nothing like that we-we were-“

“patience is virtue “ Zeke simply says “but so is madness. Without it, can I achieve what I am after?“ he said as he lit a cigarette and took a puff. “you both can wait for your reward right? Unless you want to be one of my labrats. Understand?“

“Y-yes, sir.......”

“Besides, what's one sacrifice for our goal huh?” He chuckled looking at a picture of a certain brunette in his hand. Just how much worse can things get?

<><><><>

Taglist: @mysteriousmagicx @kameko-ko @jin-mowi @mystic-starlove @chronic-claire-universe @shrimp1026 @captainchrisstan @givemea-dam-break @actual-trash-goblin @leiaausmus @sugarysweets-appreciation-blog @levisfilm @kingdoms--night--star @leviiiiiiiii @dilirx @super-peace-fangirl @ultimateelitepenguin @happygalaxymilkshake @lola2001 @sillykawa @queenofcurse @fanfictionreaderholic @notgoodforlife @deludedimagines @xcityretro

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zaptap · 3 years

Photo

ive made a few of these bingo sheets and theyre fun so i decided to make one not just for e3 but also JUST for splatoon 3 (not just for e3 but for like the whole lifetime of the game). also heres my updated list of characters id like to see in smash, ordered generally by which id like more and/or think are the most realistic

since min min got in i took out helix, and since i couldnt decide whether to add in waluigi or madeline i added another row (realistically i dont think any indies are getting in but i threw some in anyway). also i was like “oh yeah maybe theyd put in a gen viii pokemon” so i threw in hatterene since thats one of my favorites.

also as for waluigi (and shovel knight for that matter) i think it would be nice to see an assist trophy get in just to break that rule. also i remember being super surprised he wasnt in brawl (back then i thought he and wario were equally important) and even though that was based on a wrong impression ive still felt like he should be in there ever since

notes about the bingos under the cut

really is about time for those n64 games, especially now that mario is dead so theyre free to release sm64 on it. game boy games would be nice sometime too

would also make sense to include banjo-kazooie in that, nintendos had a good relationship with microsoft lately and the total absence of anything banjo-kazooie on the switch is odd since it’s a dlc character (every other one has a game on switch they can use for cross-marketing, even if joker’s took a while) and i think the best explanation for that would be that theyre holding off for the nso n64 app (this is easiest from a technical standpoint because all they have to do is make a deal to use the roms)

when are they putting octolings in mk8d

xenoblade chronicles x is one of the only wii u games left that they could port (aside from ones that wouldnt make much sense like splatoon and ssb4) so i guess that might as well happen sometime. also monolith soft might be doing something else besides helping with splatoon 3

im not ready for metroid prime 4 (im over halfway through mp2 and therefore the trilogy as a whole) but it’s been a while, they might show it and it could even come out this year

hal apparently recently hinted at a new kirby game or something

the upgraded switch is obviously going to be called the Nintendo Switch ͥ since they already did the ds lite so theyre clearly naming everything in the family after the ds family, theres absolutely no flaw in this logic. idk if theyre showing it, but unlike 2019 they didnt say they werent showing new hardware (just that they were showing software, which could be taken as denying rumors, but they sometimes specify when certain things arent being shown)

metroid prime trilogy also might come this year. would make sense to release it before mp4 since not everyone is going to buy a wii u to get it (and at this point that doesnt get nintendo any money since they stopped making them)

where is detective pikachu 2. i hope it has the blue pikachu from that first tease they gave us in like 2014 (2013? that was a loooong time ago idk)

they said this was MOSTLY 2021 so i am absolutely getting my hopes up for splatoon 2

the two sinnoh games could likely be there

would be super cool if oddity came to switch. and almost as ironic as megalovania getting into smash

we havent seen the botw sequel for a couple years so we’re kind of due for an update on that

it’s ace attorney’s 20th anniversary this year so maybe theyre doing something. theyre already porting those games though so idk. maybe he’s getting in smash

whats with that watermelon mario render

i held off on watching a playthrough for ndrv3 on the off chance it came to switch and i could play a dangan ronpa game for real for once but it’s now been 4 years and we just passed the 10th anniversary of the series (albeit during a pandemic when i wouldnt expect them to have done anything) so it would be cool to see the series come to switch. i think if it still doesnt after this though i’ll just watch the playthrough, 4 years is long enough. amazed ive avoided spoilers this long, i still know next to nothing about the game

im about done with acnh but im still waiting on those splatoon items. and i ran out of storage in february so i need more of that too

nintendo did stuff for zelda’s 30th anniversary so i doubt theyre forgetting the 35th. maybe wwhd/tphd ports, idk

been a couple years since fire emblem, intelligent systems is probably up to something besides planning yet another paper mario spinoff

miyamoto forgot pikmin 4 in the oven 6 years ago and it got burnt to a crisp and thats why it hasnt come out yet because he had to start over

and splatoon

the inklings scared daft punk into quitting so now that theres no competition in the robot musician scene they should have a daft punk style group

i waited and waited and neither of my top two splatoon stages (flounder and d’alfonsino) came back in splatoon 2 so i hope just because splatoon 3 isnt in inkopolis doesnt mean they still wont return

would be sick as hell if there was a real hide and seek mode instead of just sticking to your own rules in private battles. havent played that since 2015 but it was super fun

show us the effects of the chaos world

i wanted mc craig to have a song in octo expansion and they didnt deliver. heres another chance

splatnet 3 baby

cant wait for nogami to do a funny 3 pose

abxy came back for splatoon 2.... am i gonna be that lucky again...?

salmon run doesnt make sense if youre friends with a smallfry but they could either change the story context (you just fight “evil” salmonids?) or replace it with an equally fun co-op mode

amiibo!!! i think i said this before but they should label them by weapons if these cephalopods dont have genders, would make more sense (the gendered ones had different weapons anyway)

returning characters!!!! would like to see everyone have a role of some kind

maybe #GearForAll wasnt successful in getting the emperor/spy/mecha gear, but perhaps theyll at least consider not making that stuff exclusive this time around

squid girl gear should be back. and they should call it a dress instead of a tunic because its a dress. and theres no gender now anyway

as ive said before... TRIPLIES!! you hold one in each hand and another in your mouth. and you can spin around like the tasmanian devil

remove splatfest tee annoyances: you should have a prompt at the end of a splatfest to pay to scrub your tee (to make sure you get the chunks) also it should be on a neutral brand so you dont end up with an overabundance of ink resistance up (or whatever else)

better online and cloud saves would certainly justify having a second splatoon game on the same console, as much as im loving that it exists

hopefully theres a global testfire again

sooner or later the workers will rise up and kill mr grizz

remember in splatoon 1 where if you had squid beatz (via the amiibo) you could “play” it in the lobby and change the music? then you were stuck listening to only bubble bath in splatoon 2? why did they take that option away they should bring it back

looking at those apartment buildings in the trailer i think it would be cool if you had your own room and could decorate it

an octavio redemption arc would be fun to see. in the manga he stole the zapfish because the octarians had an energy crisis, and in the end they worked out a deal to share the electricity

#nintendo direct #e3 #e3 2021 #splatoon 3 #splatoon #ssbu

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mostly-marvel-musings · 3 years

Text

We were on a break - Chapter 3

A/N: This chapter has been sitting in the drafts for months now, and finally I’ve made some progress so yay! Hope you guys like it, feedback’s very much appreciated.

Pairing: Tony Stark x Reader

Warning: Strong language, angst, some fluff.

Word count: 906

Series Taglist – @shipatheart @tone-stark @thevanishedillusion @loveisallyouneed1125 @kaestatic @lieswithoutfairytales @booktease21 @panicattheeverywherekid @taina-eny @infirebaby @buttercandy16

Tony Stark Taglist - @raspberrymama @ladyeliot @boop-le-snoot @make-a-memory-drink-it-up @loveisallyouneed1125 @ownsmyheart @anthonyjanthony666 @downeyreads

Everything Taglist – @godofplumsandthunder @ladyacrasia @agustdowney @swaggysposts @littlegasps @little-baby-vixen @another-stark-sub @supraveng @kahlanmars @marvelgirl7 @disappointmentofthefam @pandaxnienke @tom-hlover @just-the-hiddles @fyreball66

Series Masterlist

…

“Look at all this Stark stuff you’ve got lying around. You have to get rid of this crap (Y/L/N).” Ward stated bluntly, scanning through your clothes and stuff you had lined up for packing.

“It’s not crap Ward.” You snapped snatching Tony’s T-shirt you always slept in from his hands, a little annoyed hearing his tone. He had invited himself over to your apartment to ‘help’ you get packing for your mission, only so far he had only managed to piss you off.

Sure Ward was one of your close friends but, he was being unnecessarily nosy at this point and you were irritated. Excusing yourself to get some water, you stomped out of your bedroom, with Grant following closely behind, noticing how upset you got. If only you had the guts to shoo him away directly.

“Look I’m sorry I was being rude but you know I’m right. You can’t move on with his belongings lying around.” He said, softly this time placing his hand over yours making you look up to find his face a bit too close to yours, making you uncomfortable.

“I’m only trying to help you move on (Y/N).”

Stepping away from him, you stormed back in your bedroom, hoping he’d get the idea that he was no longer welcome and leave you alone. No matter how awkward that encounter had been, you knew deep down Grant had a point, you weren’t supposed to cling onto Tony’s memories but when was that stuff ever easy?

His shirt was the last item left to pack, after much contemplation, you stuffed it inside your luggage, it was super comfy after all.

The plane ride to Seychelles consisted of you avoiding Ward at all costs and him trying to find ways to get you alone. Lucky for you, Agent Hill had sent Clint along for the mission, last minute welcome changes allowing you to keep busy with him to prevent Ward’s advances.

…

It was one of those uneventful afternoons when you’d found yourself going through Tony’s extensive accessories closet, watches you knew added up to a couple million dollars alone, sunglasses that he so pompously fashioned at every given occasion. You picked up the ones that had a red tint glass and put them on along with a matching tie that you draped over your tee before marching your ass out to the bedroom to check your avatar in the full-length mirror.

“Tony Stark - genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist. Well, ex-playboy. I’m with (Y/N) (Y/L/N) now.” You tried your best impression of the man, quite pleased with the enactment before FRIDAY’s voice nearly made you scream.

“Fucking hell FRIDAY!”

Apologies Miss (Y/L/N), Boss has requested your presence in the lab and he insists you keep his tie and sunglasses on.

Of course he’d spied on you at the moment you wished he hadn’t. You made your way down to his lab nevertheless, heart racing at the thought of what Tony might say about your shenanigans.

Tony picked up the red tinted glasses you’d once wore as a joke, that memory of your ‘eventful’ afternoon in his lab fresh in his mind as he got dressed to leave for Oslo for new leads on Ultron. He’d asked Natasha about you in hopes that she would reveal your whereabouts if he coaxed her enough, the spy was nothing but adamant though.

Everything that happened after Tony created Ultron, the visions that Wanda Maximoff planted in his mind - the Avengers all of them dead, because of him, all because he didn’t save them instead turned out to be the reason the team was divided and the world fell apart. It made him realize you’d been right all along and he’d been too stubborn and focused on creating something that turned out to be his doom, ‘typical Stark move’ as you called it. Technically it wasn’t the first time Tony had managed to royally fuck something up, only this time the magnitude of its repercussions was huge.

He had made him his mind to find you and make up right after sorting the whole Ultron situation out, if that was even possible. Given the current predicaments, it seemed like a distant dream. Still he wasn’t going to leave any stone unturned, he’d do his best to apologize, to get you to talk to him by any means necessary. Tony needed you now more than ever, he just hoped with everything in him that you still needed him too.

…

The salty balmy setting in Seychelles instantly lifted your spirits. Pristine blue waters with matching skies, white sands and stunning beaches, this definitely felt more of a vacation and less of a mission. The change of scenery you always wanted was just granted to you, albeit your mind couldn’t help but imagine visiting this wonderful place with the love of your life one day.

You and the team were residing in the same luxury resort Leeds was at with his family, The Four Seasons Resorts at Desroches Island and according to intel given by Hill, he was laying low until next week when a big event was planned in honor of his 50th birthday – which also happened to be the day his biggest deal with Hydra was going down. That meant you had some time to conjure up an effective plan to get his attention and time to unwind, the wheels turning in your head suggested you could do both.

Tags are open! If you wish to be tagged in future chapters, send me an ask or DM ;))

#tony stark x reader #tony stark series #we were on a break #tony stark angst #agents of shield #tony x you #grant ward #tony stark fanfiction #tags are open

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