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saetoru · 3 months

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In light of this post, I think it’s time to discuss some very serious issues concerning dark content as well as what it can be a byproduct of.

Trigger Warnings: mentions of p*dophilia, EDs, SH, s*icide, mental illness. Read at your own risk and with an open mind.

TL;DR: Dark Content should not be cut up into more digestible pieces or used as morality fodder. People partake in DC for different reasons. Tag fiction appropriately, block and curate your own online experience. Stop using inflammatory verbiage to rally your attack against someone when there are real life consequences to the words that you use.

In the original post, dark content is described as “a fantastic tool for exploring taboos and emotions or experiences that aren’t often talked about openly” and that it “creates what is essentially a safe space for exploring things that are not typically done or seen in the real world, with the knowledge that writing or engaging with it does not necessarily mean condoning it”.

From this excerpt, OP understands the use, consumption, and creation of dark content and then blatantly accuses their target of being a p*dophile. “He is a p*dophile.” is one of the several direct quotes. I don’t understand how someone could post all of this “evidence” followed by that paragraph. This contradicts their sensationalized and polarizing arguments, but offers a way for the reader to compartmentalize the topics of DC into “good” and “bad”.

When speaking about dark content, especially with accusations as serious as these, language matters. And the language used in this post (pedophile, CP, groomer) is at best egregious and at worst intentional.

Let me be clear, works of fiction are not CP/CSAM. Calling works of fiction CP misconstrues the meaning of the term. One is a drawing, and one is a crime innacted on a child. Viewing this kind of artwork would be incredibly triggering for me, and if something like this came across my dash I would recoil and block the poster immediately. But there is not a child being abused here, and conflating the two is a dangerous game.

This is a good time to bring up a disorder that not many know about or are comfortable talking about. Does the accused creator suffer from it? I can’t say. But in a discussion like this, it’s worth mentioning to prove that not everybody with these thoughts is actually a predator.

POCD (p*dophilic obsessive-compulsive disorder) is defined as “a form of OCD involving an obsessive fear of being or becoming a pedophile. This type of OCD combines several common types of compulsions, including the fear of: acting violently against vulnerable people (harm OCD), being attracted to an inappropriate or wrong type of person (sexual orientation OCD or relationship OCD), breaking society’s moral codes (moral scrupulosity)” (Psych Central)

This isn’t something commonly talked about for obvious reasons. As someone who lives with POCD, let me start off by saying it is disturbing for us. It is gut-wrenching. Most of all, it is frightening.

You can read about it in articles, I’m sure, but I also want to give a firsthand look at what it can be like, just a tiny look into the cycle of thoughts one might have.

“You wanna fuck that kid.”

“Ew fuck what is wrong with you?”

“What would happen if you just went in there and touched his penis?”

“Oh god what if I actually do that?”

“I’m an awful person! Only an awful person would have that thought.”

“But I don’t actually want to do it. I would never.”

“But what if you did, though?”

“You should probably never leave your house again. Never be around kids. Just in case you touch them.”

“I don’t want to touch them, though!”

“But you had the thought, so you probably do on some level.”

And so on and so forth. This kind of thinking often leads to agoraphobia, s*icidal ideation, and/or attempted/completed s*icude.

Fictional characters are fictional characters. In this case they are literal lines on a screen or page. Nobody is getting hurt here, but someone could be coping with a condition. Someone could be reclaiming themselves and their own trauma. Someone could have been finding a safe place for themselves only for it to be ripped away.

Should topics that involve sexualizing minors be discussed between adults and minors? Not in a way that’s anything less than informative (telling them to know what to look for, etc.). Sharing creative works with one another could potentially fall under the ‘grooming’ category. But simply being friends with a minor does not mean you want to have sex with or hurt them. And finding a single example of someone having a minor in their following list is not indicative of a pattern of behavior.

Even if you have the fleeting, intrusive thought, doesn’t mean you want to take advantage of them. That is important for me to remind myself of every day, and is important for everyone else to hear too.

Do you know what the worst thing you can say to someone who has POCD? “You’re a p*dophile.” That would send me spiraling even further than I already do. Because the condition itself is a spiral—of self-loathing and disgust and helplessness. Why do I have these thoughts? Am I actually a bad person?

No. Because I know I would never act on any of it. I do what I can to remind myself that these thoughts are not actually who I am. But if someone or many someones came to me and told me relentlessly that I was a horrible monster, there would be doubt and depression and anger.

Let’s put it in slightly different terms that might be easier to understand; most people have had dreams or intrusive thoughts about having sex with a parent or sibling. It’s not something we actually want to act on, and we’re disturbed by the idea. That said, there is plenty of dark content on this website and others involving parental and sibling inc*st.

While I understand why one is more acceptable to depict between fictional characters, neither are acceptable in real life. They are both seen as taboo (and for good reason). However, neither are unsafe when it comes to fanart/fan fiction most of the time.

Can this sometimes be a predecessor to assault? Sure, but that’s usually not the case. Typically, if a creative outlet/fantasy progresses to something more serious, there are other troubling habits and behaviors that go along with it.

This post is not so much to defend the user mentioned in the original call-out post as much as it is to educate everyone on a very delicate subject. People want to say it’s entirely black and white when it isn’t. We all know assaulting a child—assaulting anyone—in any way is wrong. But this is fiction. This is not real. Nobody has been hurt, and nobody can say with 100% confidence that someone will end up physically harmed by this individual.

I understand wanting to warn people about predatory behavior, but an entire call-out post? These online spaces could have been the only outlet they had, a way to express themselves and work on their trauma. Instead they have been shamed over and over in the comments.

We don’t know everything this user has gone through. We don’t know what they’re projecting onto these—once again—fictional characters.

I assume the post was likely coming from a good place and not made simply to incite drama. But reading it and all the comments is so incredibly disheartening. Subjects like this result in knee-jerk reactions. Your instinct is to condemn, but have you thought further into the issue? Have you thought about the ‘why’? Have you thought about the kids in the world who aren’t getting hurt and exploited because there are resources to help people with these behaviors? Fanfiction and art can be one of those resources.

Or it could have been. Everyone is so worried about policing other people’s content that nowhere is safe anymore.

Bringing up the topics of sexualizing ED or SH within this post is quite frankly insane to me. But it is also concerning to me that the line between “good” and “bad” DC is blurring even further. As long as it is tagged appropriately (which every example of DC from the targeted blog has) who is to tell anyone that they cannot write/engage/view content about topics so profoundly personal? Having an ED, a history of SH, or any other mental health crisis is something that so many people hide. You’ve taken a person’s potential coping mechanisms and turned them into a morality debate.

Who cares if someone is writing/reading about SH or ED? Why does it matter to *you* if they are consuming this type of fiction? This same sentiment can be extended upwards as well, but pointing out someone’s interest in a topic you might not like after accusing them of p*dophilia? This accusation appears to be extending past “informative” and is veering into a personal attack.

I have been struggling with the intent vs impact of this post. The cynical part of me worries that this post is intended to attack, even if OP claims the opposite. Ultimately, intent matters less than impact. The impact of this is disastrous for one person accused, and another person OP dragged into the conversation by name for no reason other than that they were friends. The impact will reverberate far past two individuals, as I am sure OP is aware, and the idea of DC content as a moral failing will continue. It is not a moral failing, and, to quote OPs own words once again, “creates what is essentially a safe space for exploring things that are not typically done or seen in the real world, with the knowledge that writing or engaging with it does not necessarily mean condoning it.”

#one more time encouraging you all to read thru the tags on this #lots of victims are sharing their 2 cents #very important to listen to victims. to people who work in cases like this. to people who are trying to educate you #thank you and goodbye 🫡#tw pedophilia #tw sexual assault #tw rape #tw incest #tw stepcest #tw eating disorders #tw self harm #tw noncon #tw csa

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saetoru · 3 months

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and before i part with you all once again i wanted to share that i have for the first time (and perhaps last time) 36 starred abyss

#that is all #goodbye runts #i miss you all 🫡#well sort of #i do miss you guys as a whole bc i did enjoy u all #but now that i’ve gotten out of the habit of using tumblr and of writing #honestly i have a lot of free time that i enjoy in ways more meaningful to me so that’s nice #tumblr was a nice era but now i’m in my corporate girlie era #actually corporate girlie era might be life throwing bricks at me #we will see #corporate wasn’t made for desi hijabi women lol </3 #N E WAYZ #pls drink the waters and be the safes and all that jazz #and rmr that my al haitham build SLAYS <3 #xoxo ur fav al haitham main <3 #slash neuvillette main #slash MIKOOOOO main altho she’s not meant to be a main dps but i MAKE her a main dps bc i know what my gf is capable of #she deserves to shine

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saetoru · 3 months

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one more thing that i have to say is that in the last few days, i have learned so many of the people i’ve grown to love and cherish on here (whether we speak anymore or not) are victims of csa. it breaks my heart to know so many of you understand this feeling and it breaks my heart even more that you have to see it all play out in this manner and i love you all dearly. i’m sorry that this platform has become vicious enough to make drama out of an experience that has robbed so many of us of simply enjoying our childhoods.

#it’s just so #like idk the words #tumblr discourse used to be plagiarism and being hurt over ppl telling u to read books #and now it’s become people deciding who they can call pedophiles and punishing anyone who doesn’t agree #there’s a certain line that needs to be drawn on the authority some of you feel you posses on an app #you’re not law enforcement #tw pedophilia

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saetoru · 3 months

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tw: mentions of pedophilia, sexual assault, rape, incest, self harm, eating disorders (dark content as a whole)

okay i have left this app but i do still hear through the grapevine about things that go on here from friends that i still talk to and. yeah. i highly suggest reading the original post, but i just had to weigh in on this topic because honestly as a csa victim myself, it’s increasingly difficult watching people make such heavy statements without ever understanding what it’s actually like being a victim/knowing an actual pedophile in real life.

the content ezra was engaging in must’ve disturbed a lot of you. me too, honestly. but i don’t think some of you are realizing just how serious of an accusation you’re making based on ART of all things—some victims (like myself) have to go the rest of our lives seeing the people that have assaulted us while having to pretend nothing happened. “they’re family.” “they would never.” “you were young you didn’t understand what happened.” “you’re hearing terms on the internet and applying it to blurred memories.” “you want attention.” “you don’t like __ and you want to punish them.” that’s the kind of stuff i’ve had to hear. but all while that’s being said, i’ve also had to hear “put on a shirt that covers more. __ is coming over.” “don’t sit in that position it’s provocative.” “that shows too much skin you’ll make people’s eyes wander.” no eight year old should have to consider let alone hear those things. but that’s the reality of predators—there are signs and behavioral patterns that you can see and acknowledge (or in my case, have people refuse to acknowledge). and a lot of times, they’re things that are a swept under the rug. not always—sometimes the most unexpected of people turn out to be vile, but again, you have to see for yourself with your own two eyes, someone clearly harm a real person to make this claim.

and of course, i can’t speak for ALL cases but i can certainly speak for my own. i’m sure some csa victims have felt strongly about shota content and its implications, but again, it is not logical to assign someone a heavy and irreversible claim based on fictional content. and it’s deeply troubling and unsettling that in this specific case, the clear signs that you have to witness in real time, in person, and in an actual face to face setting to actually know if someone is a pedophile have never been brought to light or proven, but art is apparently the only proof we need to label someone as heavy as that. perhaps user saintsugu DOES exhibit these tendencies in real life. perhaps they don’t. the point is you DONT know that yourself. you’ve never met this person. and while i am personally deeply disturbed by the art depicted, i can tell you firsthand that art is never, and will never, be enough to soundly prove someone is a pedophile. victims in real time who have solid proof (like i did) are often times told it’s not enough to even make people around them take them seriously. yet here multiple people are, fiercely labeling someone as something many of us have fought our whole lives to try and do. and it’s based on pixels. it’s a slap to the face to a lot of victims. it’s deeply disturbing that some of you have never witnessed or experienced anything close to csa and are loudly speaking over voices of individuals with personal experience. there are people on here who work with cases like these who are telling you that these reports with fiction and art are not valid, that sending reports in will take away from resources for REAL cases, and waste the time of those who can actually help children, and you all refuse to listen. when people have first hand experience and are telling you terms and facts and statistics that are proven, your first response should not be to argue back based on your personal emotions and feelings. your response should be to listen and understand the reality of these situations, what it takes to have a basis to a claim, and how in reality you can go about investigating/handling that.

most of you are not listening. not to real victims. not to real people with experience in working with cases about this. not to anyone but your own feelings and understandings and that’s very concerning.

dark content is always going to be dark. whether it’s depicting children being sexually assaulted, whether it’s being adults being sexually assaulted, whether it’s depicting self harm or eating disorders or incest or stepcest or whatever you can think of, it is DARK CONTENT. it is not acceptable in real life and most of us who participate in consuming/creating this content are aware of that. some people are not—some of these people partake in these situations in real life too, but you will never be able to use their fictional content to weed these people out and use their fictional content as proof of their real life activities. i can never, and would never, accuse anyone of incest or rape based on the incest and noncon fics they read or write. just because certain dark content is more digestible for YOU does not mean that you can draw the line for what’s morally correct regarding dark content. otherwise a lot of people would be drawing a lot of lines and none of us would be agreeing. it’s the age old argument of if you cannot handle it, you must curate this experience you have online for yourself.

fictional content and its creation/consumption is NEVER enough to make accusations about a persons activities in real life. some of you are only in agreement with this sentiment when it’s of convenience to you and the dark content you personally are comfortable creating and consuming. you do not get to draw the line of where it’s too much and where you can comfortably blur fictional interest bleeding into real life activities. otherwise, people have the right to make those assumptions about YOU and your own content, and i have a feeling a lot of you won’t enjoy being labeled as rapists or being accused of wanting to fuck your siblings.

and you should not have to be labeled or accused of those things. dark content is a way to fictionally explore topics without harming ANYONE. whether it’s for processing trauma, exploring darker topics for the purpose of a story, exploring for the purpose of pure curiosity, dark content will never harm an individual in real life so long as it’s appropriately tagged and warned.

there is a hypocritical aspect of labeling some dark content more acceptable than others—ultimately what some of you are inadvertently hinting at is that content like noncon and incest is on some moral hierarchy over pedophilia. i would never insinuate that a rape victim or incest victim has to count their blessings that at least they weren’t a pedophilia victim. i would argue they are all TERRIBLE things to happen to individuals on their own scales, and one does not outweigh the other. you cannot accept some dark content topics over others. it’s either a yes to dark content as a whole or a no—and a yes includes ALL topics. sure, some will disturb you more than others, and yes, some is far more difficult to stomach based on your personal emotions. that’s normal—depictions of these topics are supposed to make you feel that way if you do have a proper moral compass. but like i said, there is no scale to one thing being more acceptable than others, or that is very harmful to victims of all kinds of situations across the board.

my main point is not to defend ezra. i don’t know him nor do i care to know him. my main point is to shed light on how harmful many of you are being on a topic that is very serious and personal to a lot of people on here. some of you will never understand the deep horror and sickening feeling of pleading and pleading for people to see with their own two eyes what’s right there before them. yet somehow, an entire app’s worth of people are dropping everything to confidently label someone as something without spending so much as one minute with them. it’s disrespectful to so many victims to see something like art be the deciding factor of this when the hardcore evidence we might have will never be enough.

beyond that, you simply cannot prove pedophilia based on art. your emotions might tell you that someone engaging in this HAS to mean they find sexual gratification in it, but your emotions prove nothing. you simply do not KNOW that because you have not witnessed a real child be harmed by this individual. personal emotions and drawn conclusions based on them are not strong enough foundations to prove an accusation this heavy, and instead of wasting your time and energy into sending someone (and MANY other people too) that you have never met such vile and hateful speech, why don’t you educate yourself on the subject. really. by firstly starting on knowing what all the terms mean. by looking into the behaviors and traits and patterns. by looking into the statistics. by looking at what you can do to help children actually in this horrible situation. why don’t you see how you can properly give real children a voice and put an ounce of energy into HELPING people instead of graphically sending threats behind an anonymous button as if that will help anyone? the answer is because instead of caring about the OUTCOME of a real and horrific issue, you all value taking justice into your own hands based on your own rules and doing what you please over an issue you have personally deemed more important than others. and that solution consists of harassing individuals you’ve got zero REAL proof of deserving harassment. and by real proof, i mean proof that would stand in a courtroom. i think some of you have deviated so far from reality and the real world here in your online bubble, that you are genuinely unaware of what constitutes as real proof that would strongly support the claim you have made in the real world.

it’s gross. and like i said, it’s disrespectful to victims who have to face the trauma and reality of this stuff in real time. people who still struggle with processing what’s been done to them and know there will never be justice or even one person who believes them. people who don’t even realize what’s been done to them and don’t realize they’re victims. people who are currently in this situation and have no out. what a lot of you have made abundantly clear is that you don’t actually care about THOSE people, but your own personal feelings of disgust and discomfort based on the idea of their realities. you have effectively made a spectacle out of a topic, and you have done so in a manner that prioritizes your OWN feelings rather than the ones of those who are actually involved in a situation relating to this, and the actual measures needed to handle a situation of this degree.

and one last thing—call out posts and witch hunt behavior on tumblr has become increasingly normalized. regardless of your opinions of me, or others on this app, one thing that’s for certain is that a lot of you are becoming very complacent with driving off people and harassment of all kinds be normalized across this app. harassing innocent people for simply knowing others. harassing people for not speaking up on matters they don’t feel comfortable bringing up. harassing people for accusations given from people under reblog tags with zero evidence. harassing people because a blank, burner blog has popped up and claimed something as true just because they said so. with every new call out post and public discourse that is brought onto dash, more and more people are dragged in despite being uninvolved because people MAKE them involved. these call out posts might tell you it’s to bring to light something that’s actually important and should have light shed onto it, but that’s simply what they tell you to justify the outcome they know will occur. and that’s the snowball of public backlash, harassment, and added rumors. people who make public discourse posts know that the public opinion can be weaponized to compromise an individual of having any semblance of sanity on their own curated space. instead of taking matters into a private and confrontational manner to solve an issue they feel needs to be addressed, they choose to weaponize the fact that people WILL harass and send hate and create burner blogs to completely drive someone off. and i speak as someone from clear experience. if these call out posts were actually well intended, then things like my personal relationship and life wouldn’t be brought in as a source of clownery. things like who you’re friends with wouldn’t be brought up because everyone is well aware that said friend will also become a target to the viciousness. things like rumors that have zero basis apart from “i heard…” wouldn’t be thrown in. that’s what’s happening here, and that’s what happened to me, and that’s what happened to multiple other people.

you are all fostering an age of tumblr that steps outside of subtle subposts, petty drama, and gossip within circles. you are stepping out of an age where matters were privately handled. you are stepping into an age where people who have never met, talked, or interacted with a person can come on here, simply reblog a post, and add fuels to flames that completely take away someone’s space away in a community—and not only that, but you are giving space for people to harass other innocent individuals who have no part in it for simply knowing or interacting with someone, or not taking a stance and speaking up on the matter because you think they should. for now, you might think you’ve had the last laugh because people you dislike are leaving/being forced to leave. to you, that’s beyond your problem. but sooner or later, people you care about can also become potential targets. or even yourself. there are things like doxxing becoming even more normalized. private and sensitive messages being leaked. personal and private matters being shared. it’s very interesting to see the degree of cruelty that gets justified for the sake of bringing someone you have deemed guilty of something to “justice.” it’s interesting to see vicious and dehumanizing behavior be laughed off because you collectively dislike one person. things that no person should have to see said about themselves publicly on other people’s blogs are everywhere. people who have never spoken to the individuals under hot water are applauded for talking ill about those people. things that should not bleed into other individuals inboxes even when they specifically ask not to be dragged in are forced into their spaces. it’s exceptionally concerning that some of you have taken to share your grievances in a public manner knowing the consequences of them instead of attempting to privately handle the matter first. and it’s even more concerning that you are all becoming more and more involved in allowing it to happen.

more and more of your favorite writers and moots will continue to leave this app because of the hostility you are all enabling. it will get out of hand eventually. a lot of you don’t like me and will probably take this as something i’m saying out of pity for myself—but i have long let go of tumblr and my hobby of writing as a whole. i’m simply trying to show you the long term consequences of a certain trend that seems to be rapidly growing.

BUT. that’s not the important matter. the IMPORTANT matter is that pedophilia accusations are not something that you can take lightly. they are not something you can prove with whatever proof @/usersanon has provided. claims like this require real individuals to be harmed/be in potential harm to have substance to them, or an actual set of observed behaviors you have seen in REAL life, consisting of things that are outside of FICTIONAL characters.

some of you will disagree. and you will choose not to think critically about this matter, but that’s not my concern. my concern is to actually protect the peace of mind of victims such as myself, and to educate people on how to properly use the resources dedicated to protecting those that have gone through what we have. you are all not doing the favor that you think you’re doing to children or past victims of csa.

In light of this post, I think it’s time to discuss some very serious issues concerning dark content as well as what it can be a byproduct of.

Trigger Warnings: mentions of p*dophilia, EDs, SH, s*icide, mental illness. Read at your own risk and with an open mind.

You can read about it in articles, I’m sure, but I also want to give a firsthand look at what it can be like, just a tiny look into the cycle of thoughts one might have.

“You wanna fuck that kid.”

“Ew fuck what is wrong with you?”

“What would happen if you just went in there and touched his penis?”

“Oh god what if I actually do that?”

“I’m an awful person! Only an awful person would have that thought.”

“But I don’t actually want to do it. I would never.”

“But what if you did, though?”

“You should probably never leave your house again. Never be around kids. Just in case you touch them.”

“I don’t want to touch them, though!”

“But you had the thought, so you probably do on some level.”

And so on and so forth. This kind of thinking often leads to agoraphobia, s*icidal ideation, and/or attempted/completed s*icude.

We don’t know everything this user has gone through. We don’t know what they’re projecting onto these—once again—fictional characters.

Or it could have been. Everyone is so worried about policing other people’s content that nowhere is safe anymore.

#tw discourse #tw pedophilia #tw eating disorders #tw sexual assault #tw csa #tw rape #tw noncon #tw self harm #tw incest #tw stepcest #and with that i am gone again. it’s sad what this place has become and it’s sad that a lot of people i once looked up to feed into fosterin #an environment like this. tumblr is not what it used to be 4 years ago and it’s only going to get worse from here on out i think #it was more acceptable when it was petty drama. but bringing something as serious as this into the spotlight as some spectacle is so gross #so sickening and it makes me nauseous #it makes my younger self feel taken less seriously than ever and that’s heartbreaking

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saetoru · 4 months

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this blog is now archived !! find my MASTERLIST here !!

hi guys, and here’s a long overdue post that i wanted to take the time to make after collecting as many screenshots as i can for a lot of rumors that i think need to be addressed. before i do that, i wanted to apologize to all of my mutuals who ended up wrongfully harassed in their inboxes for simply knowing me—the irony of this issue being about bullying all the while people on this app have been simultaneously being genuinely awful to other writers who have zero involvement has been ridiculous.

i would’ve made this post sooner, but december was very busy—as you all know, i’ve been working with two separate companies for my capstone projects, and i had final presentations with boards to worry about. and then a cruise which was fun, but i was offline. now that i’ve finally had time to enjoy my break and collect my thoughts, i’d like to voice my own side to the discourse i’m sure you’ve all seen posted by @/garoujo, who is now @/gojoath.

first and foremost, i’ve been on tumblr for almost 4 years now, and while i may not have the brightest moments on here (no one will be spot-free in that amount of time), i’d like to think that if i actually went out of my way to vicious or bully people, this would’ve come to people’s attention a lot sooner. i’ve had a relatively large following across all 6 of my blogs in my time here, and while i don’t like to get into the metrics of my blogs, the reason i point this out is because i have willingly started my blog over 6 times. 3 of these were sfw blogs under my nickname tee, another 2 of which were my previous nsfw blogs under a different alias, and saetoru which is the current one, where i finally decided to combine my sfw and nsfw writing into one space. i just wanted to bring that up because i had quite a habit of leaving and restarting blogs before this one, and had i been obsessed with outperforming other writers in terms of follower counts, i would not have left the previous ones as often as i did.

that being said, i’ll also go through a timeline of events and how they’ve snowballed into an issue that is not as one-sided as most of you might think. i’ve been mutuals with emmie since my first blog, and i’d been mutuals with her through most of her blogs as well. we’ve never really had issues until her last blog @/garoujo, which she’d started after deactivating @/atsymu due to discourse regarding racism accusations. the reason why we had a falling out was because i felt that there were a series of odd coincidences that felt slightly purposeful, but i was still questioning whether or not i was looking too deeply into it to actually point any of it out.

admittedly, when i saw her first set of banners, i felt our layouts were a slight bit similar, but i really didn’t mind too much because i had been planning to change my banners anyway because i was bored of them. so i took that as an opportunity to do so. it just so happened that within a day or two of every time i changed my banners, hers would be changed too—i never said i owned the color gray, and i even fully acknowledge that the last two sets of banners, at first glance, wouldn’t be a red flag. because, like i said, i was more uncomfortable with the pattern of coincidences than the actual layouts. then i switched to my instagram theme, and not long after, i noticed her add instagram story visuals to her navi. again, no one ever said instagram was my original idea, and that no one else could use it, but it was an unsettling feeling having the same moot continuously make changes around the same time as you, and changes that are different enough that you can’t exactly point out an issue, but slightly similar enough that you can’t exactly ignore the slight oddness.

coincidentally, the same day, another blog (who i will not name bc they’re not very active anymore and are also not very relevant to this story) made the same theme as me and i was a bit peeved because this same blog is someone who has copied a few other things from me and a handful of other moots, so i made a subpost on my moots-only personal blog at the time. keep in mind, i made this post fully aware that emmie was on this blog because i didn’t intend for that post to seem like it was about her. but she reached out to me, and i explained to her the situation, and i even provided the relevant screenshots to show my points. i still considered her a decently good friend at the time, and even with the slightly off feelings, i was still adamant about brushing them off and considering them coincidences that perhaps i was being a bit too critical of.

it wasn’t until i woke up a few hours later after changing my theme and going to bed that i noticed she’d then fully switched to the insta theme. again, instagram is an app used by millions and, at one point, was a very popular theme used amongst most people on this app. i’m not entitled enough to believe i was the first person to do it, but like i said. there are just off vibes most of us will not help but feel when a series of coincidences continue to happen back to back to back by the same person.

there were, amongst these things, a number of other small touches that made me feel off. most of them i don’t remember by now or have screenshots of, so i won’t bother to go into all of them, but for reference, one example i’d also like to point out that i’d had the phrase “you’ve reached the hanmas” in my inbox when she was still on @/atsymu, and sometime after, her sfw blog @/loveatsu had the phrase “you’ve reached the miyas.” small things like this are not things i make an issue over and am more than capable of brushing aside, but like i have said and will continue to push firmly is that i felt there were multiple instances of emmie, in particular, making small tweaks to her blog shortly after me that made me feel were not all coincidentally similar. the issue was never themes or thinking i am the first or only person to do something a certain way, the issue has always been me countless times feeling that one particular individual is exhibiting a behavior that is persistent and uncomfortable no matter how minuscule the instances may be. maybe they were really just unfortunate coincidences that happened with poor timing, or maybe they weren’t. but i stand by the fact that anyone in my shoes would be valid to question the timing of each of these events over and over again.

i would also like to bring up kinktober (though this happened a while after the rest of what i will get into) because this was the first public discourse that emmie and i got into due to an anon’s claims of similarities between our posts. i had received an anon who told me “i think someone copied your kinktober masterlist” which i answered to ask if they could let me know who. they had come back to say it was garoujo, and i did not reply to the ask, instead, i made a post to vaguely tell the anon that i appreciate them letting me know, but i will just leave it be and continue on with my kinktober regardless of emmie’s mlist. i do think there were some vague similarities, but honestly not enough to really question it, so i figured a confrontation or issue was not necessary. a while later, several moots had messaged me to let me know they had received anonymous asks saying to “block @/garoujo she copied @/sakusins and she’ll copy you too” (or something along those lines, i don’t remember exactly.) i myself was very confused (and upset) by the situation because i did not, and still would not, want to be publicly name-dropped in other people’s inboxes over issues that do not involve them. unfortunately, it led to some not-very-kind asks to both of us, and while i am sorry she had to deal with that, it is not an apology from a sense of culpability. that situation was, and still is, entirely out of my control. i would not have seen the masterlist unless the anon had mentioned it, and i did not take part in having people send asks about her to other writers. especially not in a manner that was pretty much social suicide for me as well.

(this is a poorly made collage i know lol but i hit the picture limit bear with me here.)

i would also like to point out that i am not the only individual who has had issues with emmie and feels she had copied them. although i cannot disclose urls (they have been blocked out for privacy reasons) here are a few conversations i have had with my own mutuals, and i would wager there are more people whom i haven’t talked to who also feel this way. they might be small enough instances that sparking issues over them was not worth it to all of these people, therefore she has never heard from people herself about this issue, but the point does still stand that this claim about emmie is not one i alone make, and is one that i have heard countless times before. her never being approached by these individuals for the sake of peace doesn’t erase that they have been, and are, upset by these events, and it’s a habit that she seems to continually partake in. i would also like to link this post where she has been called out by another writer while she was still atsymu, which was posted while we were still friends. i’ve actually had a discussion with emmie about that post, and at the time, i had quickly skimmed the post and felt it was perhaps a reach, but after my own experiences, i went back to reread the post and considered perhaps there was validity to it, and that this might not be a one time occurrence. plagiarism in manners such as this will always have conflicting opinions, and it is hard to sometimes tell if something is a coincidence, a popular and overused idea, or something that has actually been copied. my point is that a number of people have all felt that perhaps there is a good chance this was not an accident, and please consider that so many instances of people feeling this way might suggest that there is a certain degree of validity to the claim.

at the beginning of all of this, when the masterlist banners had first started bothering me, i was upset, and i chose to vent to an ex-moot of mine who most of you would recognize as munsonsins. abby has deactivated a long while ago, but she’s relevant to this because i had chosen to vent to her at the time, and this is more or less what later caused this situation to escalate. at the time of venting to her, i knew she wasn’t mutuals with emmie because, as you can see, she’d told me as such.

one thing i would like to point out is that there were a handful of people i had vented to about my frustrations with emmie, but one thing i had always been mindful of was ensuring these were a) individuals who i considered close friends and not just random individuals, and b) were not friends or moots with emmie in the event that i accidentally made people who she cared about think lesser of her. had abby been mutuals with emmie, i would not have shared my feelings, and once again, i was not loose-lipped enough to just tell anyone because they’d listen. i told abby in particular because i had felt we were sufficiently close individuals who talked one-on-one and were able to vent to each other. a bit after i vented to her, though, she befriended emmie, which i had no such issues with because abby was/is her own person and is an adult who can interact freely and befriend whoever she wanted/wants to.

not long after that, on the night before eid (this detail is relevant in the future) an ex moot of mine @/kazuwhora reached out to me. if you guys remember, there was a discourse last year that was all over dash about how writers on this app should be open to criticism. a lot of people (including me and kc) were upset by that sentiment—which is still valid. please don’t give constructive criticism to writers without their explicit permission !! but regardless, kc sent me a screenshot of a mutual of mine who had posted their opinion on this discourse, and their point was clearly that while constructive criticism is important in some aspects, writers do not have to be subject to receiving it should they not want to. unfortunately, i felt as if kc misunderstood what this individual was trying to say, and i was trying to explain it to her, but we got into a small argument over how we interpreted the post. i felt some of the things she was saying about this individual were inappropriate, and i had made it clear that i was very fond of this person, and it made me uncomfortable to be having this discussion. regardless of whether she saw my interpretation of the post or not, i wanted to drop the discussion, especially because it was the night before eid. eid is the one holiday i celebrate, and there are traditions i quite enjoy the night before, and i didn’t want them to be spoiled with a poor mood over a silly argument. unfortunately, she wasn’t very willing to drop the topic, and it ended up making me upset. so i posted this screenshot to my moots only personal from the conversation that consisted of my messages only and said, “tonight i had to explain what a debate is.” it was petty, perhaps, but very harmless, seeing as there was no context given and no names/pfps to indicate who the person was.

truthfully, i had vented separately to cat, eris, and abby about this argument because i was friends with the three of them at the time, but needless to say, venting to your friends about arguments is a universal action, and i believe it is something all of us have partaken in.

eventually, i decided to softblock emmie because i felt it would be more comfortable for me on my blog to do so. after a bit, i was informed of a subpost that seemed like it couldn’t be about anyone other than me—to make things clear, emmie subposting me was not my concern. i did not hold it against her because she is more than entitled to have her own feelings and vents on her own blog, but the thing that did concern me was that it seemed slightly evident that she was aware of my feelings when i had never explicitly had a conversation with her. it made me question who would tell her, and as you may have guessed, the only person with whom i had shared my concerns who could also be in contact with emmie was abby.

at the time, eris had also voiced concerns that they had trusted abby with the ending of the plot for the diluc series they were planning, and coincidentally, one of abby’s friends had posted a fic idea eerily similar to their concept, to which abby had been commenting and reblogging more brainstormed ideas under. all of these ideas were very close to the plans eris had for their series plot, and understandably, they felt that it was not a mere coincidence that their entire plot was being brainstormed on dash by a person who was fully aware of their outline. i’d voiced my concerns with believing that abby may have also been sharing things i trusted her with, and as a result we both had made a few vague subposts that we liked from each other—a petty behavior, i will admit, but not something that i think is very out of the norm for a lot of people on this app. sometimes, we all just want to vent out our frustrations, and because we all more or less use tumblr as an outlet, these can sometimes be vaguely taken to dash. it’s not something that is ideally recommended (i’ve learned the hard way) but it’s also ?? not exactly something that only i’m guilty of, or is even a rare behavior. i think to shoot down one person for this behavior is quite frankly hypocritical. again, subposting isn’t a habit i would like to push as mature but it’s something i’d like to point out is very normal in this community, and is not something only i take part in. beyond that, i take to ensuring that whenever i do, i’m not explicitly exposing who i’m talking about in order to keep them out of unnecessary issues.

after this conversation with eris, it kind of solidified in my mind that i did not want to trust abby with any more personal vents, or information, and i had ultimately decided to soft block her too. i had also decided to take the opportunity to softblock kc as well because i figured i might as well just remove individuals who i felt made me uncomfortable. this is, again, my right to do so to curate my own space. not long after, cat, eris, and i had been softblocked/hardblocked by a number of moots, and we were a bit confused, until cat ended up having a conversation with kc. many accusations were made about all three of us, more specifically, about me to kc by abby because the two of them had been discussing that they’d both been softblocked by me recently.

the list of accusations we were told of is as follows:

me, cat, and eris have a “burn book” where we “blacklist people.” it’s important to note that every time this discourse resurfaces (this is now the fourth time), the “burn book” has fundamentally changed in its composition—it has changed from a discord server “burn book”, to a google doc “burn book”, to the current rumor that it was an entire blog that was used as a “burn book.” it is consistently changed to fit whatever narrative is trying to be pushed, and regardless, the rumor itself is entirely untrue and has been addressed multiple times. cat has had a tumblr theme, a collab theme, and a server theme all dedicated to the film mean girls. she simply had a channel that was to share the urls of minors to block for interacting with nsfw works, or people who were anti-dark content—this is something that i have seen in all servers i’ve been in during my time on tumblr, and is not a new concept for many of you either. it’s simply a precaution a lot of servers take to warn writers about potential minors to block, and potential anti-dark content harassers. the name of this channel happened to be “the burn book” because it was a mean girls themed server, so the name just fit. nowhere in this channel were other writers in the community “blacklisted” or spoken negatively of, and here are the screenshots of the channel. this was simply something abby had twisted in order to paint us negatively. here is the link to cat’s post addressing it for proof and explanation (i run out of pictures or i would include them myself.)

abby also claimed that i was using this channel to talk poorly about kc and a handful of other moots. this is also false bc this server had several strangers (as it was cat’s server and i didn’t know all her moots), but it also had several of kc’s mutuals/friends in this server as well. i’m not so dense as to talk poorly about other writers publicly in a server, let alone a server i know has people who are friends with kc

now, this next part, emmie has conveniently painted out to be about me, as i apparently harassed and blacklisted people for liking itto from genshin impact, but i have been playing genshin for over a year on this app, and quite a large number of you are my own followers who see my rambles and my writing and i don’t have to explain that i have never written for itto, nor explicitly expressed an interest in him apart from perhaps one or two posts from back when i did his story quest. i never had, and still to this day, have no interest in the character itto. i’ve skipped his banner, i plan to skip his upcoming banners should they come, and i have never written for him, nor do i plan to write for him. this issue with itto is between eris and another individual, and i do not have the details to this, as i was new friends with eris at the time, and i’m no longer friends with eris as of current time. quite frankly, even if i knew the details, i wouldn’t go out of my way to share them because it has nothing to do with me. plain and simple.

as you can see, there were a number of rumors spread here to kc by abby, and as you can see, all of which led me to seem quite vicious in character. i’ve provided, to the best of my ability, screenshots and receipts of why each of these is quite drastically out of context and far from true to what abby has claimed.

i did in fact, after these events confront abby because i was genuinely appalled by the way she knowingly and purposely twisted things conveniently to villainize me. she expressed that she was upset and paranoid by the subposts that she figured were about her once i’d soft blocked her, so i apologized for the posts. she had conversations with both me and cat about the rumors she’d started, and she also apologized for them to both me and cat.

the rumors that emmie has claimed about me in her post, which she conveniently provided no evidence of, are all rumors that are more or less a result of my differences with abby and kc. unfortunately, despite cat trying her best to explain to kc the falseness of most of these rumors, she didn’t really believe them—which is her business. to each their own. i’m sure if i had been in kc’s shoes and in one night, someone i had considered a friend had been painted to do a series of nasty things behind my back, i also would not know what’s true and untrue, and she is entitled to piecing together what she believes is her truth. what’s not fair, however, is for emmie to have no involvement/understanding of these events apart from a twisted narrative she heard from one person and dog pile them into her claims of my behavior to further paint me as a villain. emmie is more than entitled to have her beliefs on my character based on her own experiences, which she has provided her own evidence of, but simply slapping an “and i heard she also….” does not necessarily make claims true, and is very manipulatively thrown into the post to add a list of things that make my character questionable to further validate her point.

not only this, but she has made a point to openly admit that she and her friends have collectively mocked me for my relationship with my ex-boyfriend, who they have apparently labeled as my “fake” boyfriend that i used to get attention on this app. quite plainly, i get enough attention on my blog that i don’t need a fake boyfriend to amp that up. but furthermore, i am a south asian, muslim individual. my parents are immigrants with very strict religious and cultural beliefs that i feel are very restricting at times, and though i love my family, i struggle with my identity quite a bit as i live in a very western culture that clashes quite a bit with my cultural norms. i do not get to freely explore my sexuality or even romantic life in general, unlike some of you. my parents have been kept in the dark about my relationship because them knowing about it is something that could quite literally create a rift between us, and i find it very insulting and almost suspicious that a white girl is making a mockery of my cultural struggles and my personal life. many of you are either desi or muslim or simply children of strict immigrant parents with quite stubborn traditional views. i’m sure plenty of you understand where i’m coming from when i say that i have to keep my relationship hidden from the majority of the people around me. tumblr is the one place i can anonymously share bits and pieces of my life without worrying about if it will literally cost me my relationship with my parents, so sometimes i may have overshared silly or pointless things, but that is because it’s my own way of being able to express myself and my relationship the way i have always wanted to. apart from that, dragging and making a joke out of someone’s personal life is quite unnecessary in this case. the issue is about tumblr discourse, and i find it very hypocritical that i am being labeled a bully when people, more specifically a white and privileged individual, is plain and simple mocking and poking fun at my personal life and situation that i have no control of. that is my piece on that. whether some of you believe i had a partner or not is not my business, nor do i have to go out of my way to show you evidence of my personal life. what i will say, however, is that there are a handful of close friends i have on this app who are involved in my personal life and have seen evidence of my love life through pictures and private stories on social media. quite frankly, these are the only individuals who i have to justify the validity of my personal life to, and it’s honestly quite violating for someone to stoop to dragging someone’s outside life into issues about tumblr. i extend a very genuine fuck you to every single one of you that have ridiculed my personal relationship and just know that you are extremely bold to consider yourselves above bullying when this is the type of behavior you admit to engaging in. individuals with complex familial relationships, and identity struggles between cultural norms, their ethnicities, and the western world are not your playground to make a joke out of. some of us have very real struggles, such as not being able to pursue careers in favor of arranged marriages, not being able to pursue actual relationships that mean something to us due to a lack of familial approval, being forced to bear children at young ages due to familial pressure, and so on. they are not laughing matters, and are a part of my reality. and before some of you get started—yes, it really is that serious. i have struggled my entire life with having white girls poke fun and tease at my cultural norms, and i refuse to allow another white and privileged individual who already has a record of racially related discourse walk away with once more poking fun at my personal struggles and not be called out for it. i hope you had a good, long, satisfying laugh emmie.

onto my next points based on claims @/anantaru has made about me. the main thing i’d like to really point out here is that anantaru and i have never, not even once, interacted to the extent of my knowledge. they claim that cat and i cannot stand it when people cross us in numbers and that we go through people’s likes in order to find minors and blank blogs to explain all the notes. a) i am very bad at checking for minors and blanks in my own notes, so this is not even a logical approach on my end, but b) this claim is made because cat made this post under the tags of a post going around last year that asked to hear unpopular ficblr opinions.

what cat means to articulate here is that sometimes, when she is scrolling on dash and interacting with moots and their shit/talk-posts, she peeks at profiles she sees in the notes and has happened to catch minors lurking. cat, firstly, has never followed anantaru, so they are not a “victim” to cat glancing at their likes, but secondly, this is not nearly as psychotic as it’s painted out to be. cat is not, and was not, jealous of other blog's notes. quite plainly, she’s not exactly a tiny blog either, and she’s only stumbled upon minors in the talks-posts of moots, including me. shit-posts/talks-posts are easy to notice minors lurking on, and while most people recognize that it’s quite impossible to catch every minor and ageless blog in writing posts with numerous notes, a simple shit-post on dash is more simple, and her unpopular opinion was simply that blogs that grow rapidly need to be better about catching those minors because they are susceptible to having more of them lurking. it’s a really harmless sentiment, and she’s gently reminded me as well on more than one occasion to be more responsible about my habit of being lazy when scouting for minors in my interactions.

this is not out of jealousy, nor is it some sick and twisted habit she has to “explain” why people get more notes than she might get. it’s also out of a place of concern for her own content ?? i myself and plenty of other large blogs reblog from mutuals, and they are well within their right to be concerned that perhaps minors are lurking on our pages and interacting with works we reblog from our mutuals. cat has voiced this concern to me before, also out of goodwill and simple concern for my content, her content, and minors in general. there is simply no need to twist it into her viciously looking down upon large blogs and their notes counts and claiming they’re “only because they don’t block minors.” admittedly, though, i do need to be better about catching minors, and i have always appreciated her trying to keep me in the habit of being responsible about it. more importantly, it was a small passing comment under a post of unpopular opinions, a lot of them were hot takes, and this is hardly a serious one to get so heated over.

i’d also like to point out that anantaru has claimed we blocked them for being a gatekeeper and because we’re jealous of their notes. 💀. a) i am very grateful and very happy with the level of interaction i get on my writing, as more people than i imagine leave me countless comments and reblogs. i have never had an issue with comparing my interaction with that of other writers because i have always been abundantly content with the interaction i get. i have no other comment on this other than cat and i blocked anantaru at the same time because we happened to see a post of theirs reblogged onto our dash that made a joke that we felt was a bit insensitive to/alluded to SA—i’m sure it wasn’t meant to be taken that way, but it made us uncomfortable regardless. while we are both dark content supporters, and i myself have read more than one fic that includes noncon in particular, it doesn’t mean we have to like/enjoy everything related to it and we simply decided to block them. i’m not going to bring this post up bc it’s simply not important. they are an adult who is more than entitled to make jokes on their blog and cat and i do not have to like them !! we simply did what we were well within our rights to do, and that’s blocking them.

there’s more they go on to say about receiving hate asks and that apparently it’s because of our “group of friends.” cat and i don’t have a group of friends. i don’t have any group chats with her besides the one with her boyfriend because i get along with him sometimes as well, and we used to play genshin together a lot when i was in low ar. not that i have to explain my friendships here, but i quite literally do not have a group of people to “send after�� anantaru because people are well aware of my close friends, who i text with my personal phone number. i’ve posted silly screenshots of convos on my blog multiple times, and none of these friends overlap because i do not have a “group” of friends, just individual friends who i talk to one on one. cat is not friends with my other friends, and my other friends are not friends with her. there are no inner circles that conspire together to send anyone hate because i “tell them to.” and if there are screenshots of me explicitly encouraging someone to send hate on anon, i would love to see it. if i had sent my anons after anantaru, it would have to be a public post, and i’m sure if there were a post of such nature, it would have been brought to light by now. they have also claimed they were given multiple urls of mine to block. i only have ONE writing blog, @/saetoru, and the only other two that are still up are archived blogs @/hanmine and @/katsuphilia, which are side blogs attached to saetoru and have been inactive for several months. there are however, multiple individuals on this app who also go by the name “tee,” and perhaps we have unfortunately been mixed up as the same person, but the only blog i have is saetoru, so there is no other active blog they have blocked me from that belonged to me and was able to harass them.

not only that, but anantaru has claimed that one person off anon sent them hate with a kaeya url which they insinuate to be me. once again, you are all more than aware of my history of urls, and many of you have all been here to see them. i’ve never once had a kaeya url, nor have i ever been particularly interested in kaeya outside of a small number of posts on a rare occasion. my genshin favorites have always been characters from sumeru and, at one point diluc, and once again i don’t have to ?? explain my selfships to you all ?? but literally, i have nothing to do with a kaeya blog or kaeya account, and im unsure why it’s being thrown into my name. quite frankly, i’m not sure what their moot has told them we have said about them, but the only conversations cat and i have ever had about anantaru was that one about the noncon joke, and that’s it. outside of that, there is literally no evidence of us speaking about this person because it simply doesn’t exist.

i implore you all to, instead of starting public discourse over things you hear, confirm them first. had anantaru reached out to me or cat and expressed that they are upset that we are supposedly spreading false rumors about them gatekeeping, then whatever misunderstanding it might have been could have been cleared. i would like to also point out that it is not above bullying when you simply dump numerous accusations that you have heard through half whispers from moots and provide 0 evidence for them. i am perfectly aware of why emmie may consider herself to have issues with me, but i have never had an encounter with anantaru, and truthfully, i’ve never actually even read their writing before. my main (and pretty much only) experience with them is seeing the joke i saw reblogged onto my dash, and as i stated earlier, the only thing i did for that was block and move one.

and lastly, the other point i’d like to make is that numerous blogs who i have been objectively very kind to have come out to take the opportunity to stomp on my character and reputation. for example, tumblr user @/osaemu, who used to follow me and interact with me quite often. i have always been excited to interact with her because she was really supportive of my gojo writing, and at one point, i had a small area of concern with her using the same exact title as me for a gojo fic. below are screenshots of our conversation regarding the titles.

i am quite confident that this is a very polite interaction, and i was very clear that i didn’t think that her writing elements, including gojo’s parent dynamics and his dynamics with the reader, were copied or even something that i felt she needed to change. i pointed them out as a way of indicating that between these parallels and between the fact that i know she reads my rb! gojo series, i find it difficult to believe that our fic titles being exactly the same is a coincidence, and it made me uncomfortable—my concern was not how she wrote gojo’s parents or his dynamic with reader. i never accused her of stealing ideas that were mine alone to use, all i simply wanted to do was shed light on the fact that based on these parallels, i figured the names being the same was a touch difficult for me to brush aside as a chance similarity. i was very clear to outline that i know these dynamics and themes in writing are generic, and that people can pull inspo from them because i have done the same thing. my only concern was the title, which i politely asked her to change, and she agreed. case closed. i have been, again objectively, quite kind to osaemu, and i had no intentions of blocking her like a moot had suggested because i felt it was a very silly issue to block over since she was very lovely to me.

i did, however, block her because she posted one-paragraph posts with multiple characters tagged. that’s not a crime on her end, and i’m certainly not here to police her posts in the tags, but as me and plenty of other people on this app have voiced multiple times, it is a bit irritating and feels like spam to see posts of these kinds in the tags so i blocked her. this is a very popular opinion and i refuse to be considered problematic for it. i am not here to police what constitutes an appropriate post to tag x reader tags on, and while i have made posts simply sharing my opinion on what i feel should and should not be tagged, osaemu is more than welcome to post whatever she feels she would like to into the tags. i do, however, block anyone who i come across who makes those kinds of posts because i simply don’t like them, and i don’t like seeing them. i don’t owe an explanation for why i block anyone, but seeing as i have been painted as some bitch for doing so, here is my reasoning. quite a lot of people agree on this sentiment, and to each their own, but i don’t enjoy seeing those posts. i did also unblock her at one point, as she mentioned. this is simply because a mutual of mine had voiced that they felt someone had copied the concept of their drabble, and i was helping them word a message to send, so i went back to this exact conversation to look back on what i said because it was a similar situation. as you know, blocking someone hides their dms from your dm list, so i had intended to temporarily unblock her just to see how i worded my message to help formulate a message for a mutual. there were no screenshots sent, i simply wanted to jog my memory of my points, that’s all. i did forget to block her again for a bit but eventually did, and that’s the extent of our interactions. i don’t recall posts telling people that i condone sending anons with death threats like she has claimed, and if she could point out the particular posts i have made where i encourage people to send anon death threats on my behalf, i would be more than happy to clear them up, or address them.

i have admittedly, on a few occasions said in my responses to anon hate itself, the phrase “kys” out of frustration, and there are i’m sure conflicting opinions on that, but i do not regularly use this phrase in my vocabulary. i have been on the receiving end of graphic sexual and violent asks in my inbox regarding me, my teenage sister, and my mother, during my time on here, and sometimes out of frustration i have said less than dignified things, but this is not a constant behavior, and frankly, i think once people make graphic, violent, and inappropriate comments about my 16 year old sister, saying “kys” in response is not the greater of the two evils. it is a tad bit hypocritical to expect benevolence from me to an anonymous hate ask just because there is “another person” at the end of the screen when they have not extended the same sentiment to me.

all of that being said, jumping on the trend to trample on someone while you have the opportunity to because you’re bitter they blocked you is also no better than bullying. apart from blocking osaemu, I have taken careful steps to always be respectful to her due to the very kind comments she’s left on my writing. leaving nice comments on my writing is deeply appreciated and welcome, but that doesn’t mean i have to subject myself to seeing posts i do not want to see on my dash on my phone. i pay for the phone bill, so i will cater my phone to show me what i want to see, and if that includes blocking a few people, i am allowed to do that !! i should not have to apologize for or be crucified for blocking someone and their feelings being hurt over it.

not only this, but several of you have somehow started a rumor that i am 26 or even pushing 30. that’s nowhere close to the truth. i’m 21, soon to be 22, and i have stated multiple times i am an undergraduate college student. of course, there is no timeline to college, and people of all ages complete their undergrad degrees, but i have made it a point to vent about my concerns numerous times that i am very stressed about taking extra classes every semester to compensate for changing my major late because i want to graduate on time. my graduation year is 2024 (as would make sense seeing as i will be 22 years old), and if you don’t believe me, i have celebrated my bday on april 12th of every year this blog has been active. you’re more than welcome to check my archive to see if that’s true, and for further reference, here is a picture i have sent to mods of servers i am in to be accepted. (note that my url used to be hanmas before saetoru.)

although there is no shame in being 26 or pushing 30, the reason why i wanted to address this is that i wanted to point out that yet another rumor has been fiercely pushed on my name and has been believed to be the truth. no one has to walk away from reading this post assuming that i’m a saint and i have never done anything wrong or that i have been faultless in differences i’ve had with other people. but a lot, if not all, of these claims are exaggerated with 0 evidence, and people have just run with claiming them as true. i physically cannot deny a large majority of these rumors with evidence or screenshots because half of them are made by people i have never interacted with or talked to, and i cannot produce evidence for interactions that never happened. i have seen blank, burner blogs post stories of their experiences with me, one in particular that claims i dm’d them to tell them their hanma fic was breathtaking before i harassed them about their theme, boyfriend, and parents. a) i do not dm anyone to compliment their fics because i am simply too shy to do that. i would have only reblogged the fic with comments if i enjoyed it. b) again, there is no evidence on their part, and i cannot dispel this story with evidence of my own because evidence of conversations that never took place does not exist. and c) i would like to think i do not come across as dense enough to attack someone in their dm’s viciously about their boyfriend and parents openly with my account, where they could easily spread the proof around if it had actually happened. i am not responsible for people’s internet literacy, and if people believe every story that is shared with not even a small piece of proof that it took place, i cannot do anything besides simply urge you all to formulate your opinions based on what you see, not based on what you hear.

i would also like to end things off with an apology to all of you—mainly because there was no reason for so many of you to be dragged into something that did not involve you and also because there are very disturbing and important issues going on right now in real-time in the world that are affecting a lot of people. i never want to be involved in something that takes attention off of important discussions such as genocide, and while many of you like to claim i am deflecting, i think it is quite telling that some people have posted nothing about something this important but have made multiple posts regarding discourse. i did not feel it was appropriate at that time to focus on discourse, and i still do not think so, but i wanted to leave off with my own statement.

i would also like to apologize if i have ever come across as unkind during an experience with me; it is never my intention to be that way purposely. i have a habit of being petty sometimes and can be a bit short-tempered, and it’s something i work on. with as large of a following as i have, sometimes it’s better not to say anything at all than say it—however vaguely it might be. i hope some of you who also have larger followings keep that in mind so that you can avoid discourse erupting into something grand scale. please vent to people you trust and be wary of having a habit to subpost. but mainly, please remember that people trusting you with their feelings and troubles is not something you should take pride in spreading. there is nothing to be proud of about sharing people's private socials, urls, and conversations. while i am not always able to keep my temper under wraps, and while i have had my fair share of petty moments, i, to the best of my ability, have always made sure that i don’t come across as intentionally cruel or mean, nor have i purposely broken someone’s trust. sometimes i have retaliated back a bit fiercely, but i stand by the fact that i never purposely chased or drove anyone off, mocked or belittled them, or sent people over to dislike/hate them. i have at times vented to those who i believe are people i can trust, sure—but this is something we as people are all guilty of. there’s no way any of us can hold one person more accountable than others for partaking in closeted conversations that are never meant to get back to people and hurt them.

i genuinely loved, and still love, writing very much, and i have always appreciated every ask, every reblog, and every comment. writing is a hobby i am greatly passionate about, and it’s always a hobby i was very excited to share with people on here because i don’t get to share it with people irl. i don’t willingly tell people irl that i enjoy making elaborate plots about anime characters, and i have always been very excited to share that hobby with you all, whether you are a reader or writer. i’ve read fanfiction for a very long time before i ever decided to try my hand at writing it, and i would never want to knock other people down simply because they “surpassed” me. i enjoy finding writers to read from, especially those who write better than me, because they are where i draw the most inspiration and motivation from. the moots i look up to most are moots who are in my opinion, far stronger writers than me, and moots who i always firmly believe deserve much more reach than i do on their stories because they’re far more fleshed out and in-depth than anything i can produce. and i am proud of them !! and even those of you who feel you are stuck not getting as much reach as you would hope, i am proud also of all of you for picking up a google doc or pen and writing and trying, whether you choose to share it or not. i will always strongly encourage you all to try your hand at writing if you have ever considered it because i have genuinely built such a better sense of self-esteem when being able to incorporate pieces of myself in my stories and express parts of who i am—i think some of you might really enjoy the catharsis that writing brings, and if you ever debate on trying it out, please do !! you might become really passionate about it.

anyway, this post is abysmally long. none of it is to clear my name in hopes that i will be “un-canceled” (LOL) because i have decided saetoru is long overdue to be put to rest. i hope you can all, at the very least, allow other writers some peace and stop harassing them in their inboxes for knowing me (because that is also bullying and very ironic of you), and i hope you all got some sort of understanding of where i am coming from. if you think poorly of me, that’s okay. i have an opinion of myself, and the close people who surround me, that i am confident in, and while i may not have always handled things in the brightest of manners, i am well aware of what my intentions have always been.

i’m deeply grateful to all 41k of you, and thank you for reading my works and allowing me to write for you !! thank you for all the very, very kind asks that i never got a chance to fully answer each one of, and thank you especially for all the supportive comments and love on the writing i’ve posted. they might be silly fics you read once and moved on from, but they’re all pieces of me, my life, and things that are important to me, and as cringe and cheesy as it sounds, it means quite literally everything to me when people read them and take away something from them.

also, as a parting gift, i will be posting the nerd gojo, ex-convict geto, and a marriage rb! gojo fic to my ao3 (also saetoru) for those of you who have been patiently awaiting those wips to enjoy. please (a little more patiently) keep your eyes peeled for those <3 i will no longer be posting or active on saetoru, and in the event that i keep writing, it will be posted on my ao3, so you all will know where to find me !!

so for the last time, i love you my little runts !! wishing you all the best, and goodbye to my lil saetoru bestees.

mwah !!

— tee <3

ps. i also have turned off reblogs for this post and limited replies to people i follow only. a lot of you will jump to say that it’s simply because i am “hiding,” but it is solely because i have said my piece and i intend to move on. thank you and have a lovely day shawtee ✌🏽

#thanks to all my mutuals who have reached out !! i love you all #and i will miss you tons !!

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