#i never touched any other topic bc i did not have the facts or knowledge to touch upon them therefore those claims are still their own

[hopefullystillatheatrestudent]

this might be a weird thought but the way jensen performs masculinity (and i KNOW it’s a performance cause like, have you SEEN the mockumentary?) is just.... so inherently queer to me lmao

ok. okokokokokok. you asked for this. i have a LOT of thoughts on this. it’s gonna be under a cut because i’m gonna be annoying and psychoanalyse a celebrity i’ve never met(and hope i never do) but trust and believe when i tell you i know what i’m talking about so

you want my opinion? here goes. there is absolutely no way jensen ackles is straight. i hear you, ‘how do you know that he’s bi? that’s invasive and creepy’ but may i counter that point by saying how do you know he’s straight???? why is the default for everyone heterosexual? that’s a toxic mentality to have; ‘oh you don’t know for sure so just treat him like he’s 100% straight just in case’ like....what? heteronormativity drives me wild i’m sorry

and also, um, just to, um, prove my point that this man is decidedly not straight™(i really don’t want to do this but like it has to be said) we KNOW he’s not straight because his d*ck has spoken for itself around misha, like, four times. I HATE SAYING IT!!!!!!! but, um, straight men don’t get aroused by men. ...do i really need to explain myself further???? that’s what i thought(and don’t give me the ‘it could have been for unrelated reasons’ or ‘that wasn’t a boner!’ crap because um good lord yes it was and misha caused every single one so no it wasn’t a coincidence i’m gonna move on before i collapse into myself like a dying star)

anyway, on to the topic at hand which is jensen and his performative masculinity. and it’s a juicy one.

after the unconscious amount of hours i’ve put into watching and subconsciously judging jackles, i have come to the conclusion that like, 90% of how he presents himself and talks and even moves is an act. it’s a facade. it’s a shield. he is not that person. it actually seems exhausting, because he tries to compose himself in this macho, manly, confident and effortlessly cool way, but he’s not that person he desperately wishes he was and wants to be perceived as. he’s on guard every second, even the slightest tilt of his head is like, pre-meditated in some way? if i’m going FULL body language analyst mode, i’ve noticed he has a certain posture he always shifts himself into, and it’s very ‘pursed lips, stoic faced, gruff voiced, square-shoulder, broad and manly’ but, not to be rude jensen, it kind of reads as a little kid imitating the adults he thinks are cool? oof i am going IN huh(it’s out of love though i promise)

he is trying to be this person at every second:

because that’s who he wishes he was, because that’s how he gets validation from the people around him that he looks up to; straight white guys. but to me, who he presents himself to be at conventions is just as much of a performance as this whole eye of the tiger bit is.

oh i should mention i know his body language isn’t naturally like that because how he naturally carries himself is actually pretty flamboyant? like he seriously must be toning himself down HARD

examples:

there’s no tension in his body here as opposed to the eye of the tiger gif. i’d describe it as...generally loose and free? he’s at ease when he moves like that and you can see it.

oh and dude!!! DUDE!!!! how could i not mention the fucking SPECTACLE that is his voice??? jensen. i watched season one. i know where your voice naturally sits. THAT IS NOT WHAT YOU SOUND LIKE. and there have been so many accounts of fans visiting jensen in his trailer and being surprised that his real voice is two octaves higher. again, his performance of masculinity is all encompassing. he can’t even talk normally because, in his mind, that’s a chink in his armour.

and, like you said, anon, this whole smokes-and-mirrors gong show of ‘i am the cool texan man’ is inherently queer. who are you trying to impress??? guys??? that’s pretty gay dude.(btw: gay[honorary])

i feel like i’ve already read this man for filth but i have to keep going bc i have so much to say

ok next thing i’m gonna talk about is how jensen says one thing but everything else about him tells us the exact opposite. another HUGE element of performative masculinity, ONE THAT DEAN WINCHESTER IS A MASTER OF. have i mentioned how dean and jensen are like mirrors of each other when it comes to their sexuality and queer identity??? because it is fascinating how everything i say about jensen also directly applies to dean.

allow me to introduce the grumpy face™. as in, the face he glues on when he’s enjoying doing something but doesn’t want to let anyone know it. and it’s ALWAYS when he’s doing something that could be seen as unmanly in any way. (and when i say manly i mean the ‘ideal’ version of manhood that doesn’t really exist but that jensen seems to be striving for[and dean too])

prime example is this video he did with daneel. the grumpy face™ doesn’t budge the whole time as he’s like,,,,playing an instrument and acting like he doesn’t want to bc i guess that’s too girly??? but i also find this video fascinating because the joke IN it is kind of that they’re both poking fun at him for being so insecure about playing a freaking flute. because, i mean, he gets into it, but he wants you to think he is not.

also this picture.

what is this. i hate them. jensen is smushing himself into misha’s forehead but noooo his face is telling us ‘i hate this’ because CLEARLY he does. also misha’s so happy ew gross

he does that face in photo ops with misha ALL THE TIME but how many times has he also literally asked the con goers if he can also have those photos on his phone too? because of course he actually loves touching misha and is actually a sentimental fool but he tries so hard to hide it and fails so spectacularly.

oh and this. and of COURSE this. actually let’s talk about the hitch kiss for a hot minute because it’s a perfect example of exactly what i’m talking about

(he is so transparent guys. he tries so hard but he’s so obvious.)

1. misha was never supposed to be onstage with him. so it’s a boldface LIE and OBVIOUS PLOY TO GET MISHA TO KISS HIM when he says ‘they’d like us to make out now’. but of course the way he says it is ‘oh my god can you believe what these crazy panel people are making us do haha but i mean what they say goes amirite’. same energy as ‘oh my god did you just dare us to kiss rn???’ ‘....no i didn’t’ ‘oh my god i can’t believe you’d ask that haha but i can’t say no to a dare lol’ it’s the SAME THING

2. the fact that he was in the worst mood before misha came onstage and FAKE KISSING HIM made him feel...SO?? much better? like not just a little better a lot better like, again, that says a lot, because if they weren’t dating he would not be in a better mood if misha kissed his cheek unprompted. bc that cheek kiss wasn’t a joke it was a genuine sign of affection and AHHHH

3. after the kiss happens. you know, the one that jensen actively leans into and is smiling like an idiot the whole time through and is quite clearly having the time of his life during....he says ‘well, that was uncomfortable’. .......my guy. um. i don’t know how to tell you that i do in fact have eyes and you are NOT pulling the fast one you think you are

like i’m so sorry jensen but i have you pegged. it’s literally no use.

god there’s so many instances of him doing this with misha specifically. the whole ‘ew gross lol’ but then everything about him tells us the exact opposite. like this(i hate this. how dare he say ‘he has though, hasn’t he?’ LIKE THAT?????)

so yeah my point with that is he really wants us to think he is one thing when he is the antithesis of what he’s trying to be. he really likes those things that he talks down about, and everything he’s loudly projecting is all to hide how he really feels. he went to a gay bar with daneel, for crying out loud. he wants to play a role in drag. he’s queer and he likes it. pov: you’re jensen ackles train of thought: ‘ok so i really like this thing that people might make fun of me for or call me gay for liking so if i just say ‘lol as if’ and make a grossed-out face they will be FOOLED. i am a genius. hey misha wanna blow on my ear lol i meAN GROSS EW’

i have two more things i want to talk about when it comes to this topic so PLEASE bear with me anon this is why you took so long to answer clearly lmao

ok so we’re now going to go over my favorite hot take of all time. which is ‘how do we know dean’s performing masculinity? because sam isn’t.’ only replace dean with jensen and sam with jared and oh my god do we ever have a case

jared is as STRAIGHT as they come. he is secure in that knowledge. and that’s why he is perfectly comfortable treating misha like this:

and not try to scream ‘i am not enjoying doing this!!!!!!’ at us. because he doesn’t care what we think of his sexuality like jensen does(because he has nothing to hide whereas jensen DOES)

something i found the other day that no one has brought up but i SCREAMED upon finding it is this one clip THAT I CAN’T FIND OH GOD but i promise i’m not making it up. i can’t believe i can’t find it guys it is gold. i need need NEED to talk about it. and if anyone knows what i’m referencing and can apply links in any way i will love you forever but here’s what happens off the top of my head:

ok so i’m a bit too braindead to explain it perfectly but um basically it’s a j2 panel and someone brings up magic mike and i think jared says ‘yeah i didn’t watch it’ and then jensen says ‘all the way through’. stupid joke. whatever. the joke is that jared is gay for watching magic mike.

and then i literally kid you not. jared gets this like ‘jesus christ ok dude? lol’ look on his face and then goes ‘projecting much, mr. ackles?’ and jensen gets a guilty look on his face and walks away. and jared did not say it as a joke. he was being dead pan and earnest. and jensen knew it too, he knew he was projecting. i wish i could show you guys the clip i promise if i ever find it i’ll link it but IS THAT NOT SO DAMNING FOR JENSEN????? like come ON. also proves my point that when you compare how they feel about watching magic mike. jared doesn’t care bc watching it just doesn’t interest him, but he also thinks that just watching it in itself doesn’t make you gay. jensen however.......has a different mindset, clearly.

‘projecting much, mr. ackles?’ is actually a great title for my next and FINAL section(we’re almost there folks) which is how jensen projects his insecurites about his own sexuality and relationship with misha onto misha.

i hope by now we’ve all seen this video of jensen impersonating cas. it is a blatant microaggression on his part. and like obviously homophobic. it’s like in his mind if he makes fun of them for being gay it makes them both less gay somehow??? it’s self-deprecation in a way??? let’s just tell it like it is: that impression was just jensen’s overt internalized homophobia rearing it’s ugly head. he does it a LOT too when it comes to misha.

i mean:

and that whole mess where he’s making fun of misha for being a bottom in their panel in 2016? ‘so you’re saying, like with football terms, there’s a handler and there’s a receiver heheheehe’ jensen you’re not exempt from being gay just because you know football terms lmao

oh and his OTHER impression of misha where he mocks him for...bicycling...because it’s not a manly enough sport??? jensen NO ONE else has ever thought this hard in their lives about what constitutes as masculine enough to be a sport before. that’s all you bud. we don’t find those jokes nearly as funny as you do. you are reaching, sir

the good news is that misha thinks it’s hilarious and knows it’s projecting on jensen’s part and will tease him endlessly for it. many stories come to mind, like that one photo op story where they’re literally dressed in rainbow banners and pride stickers but when misha goes to hold his hand jensen said something like ‘no way’ and then misha stepped back, put his hands on his hips and went ‘that’s the part that’s too gay for you???’ and jensen LOST it

or when that whole underwear thing happened(messy messY MESSY BTW) and then a fan asked a question about what dean and cas would do in rome and misha just said ‘when in rome’ and jensen makes a face like ‘are you serious’ and then misha says ‘you can’t look at me like that anymore, because of what you did!!!!!!’

OH and that whole story about when misha suggested they put jensen in the closet for that cat video....yeah um

and then when jensen was asked to do bisexual finger guns for a photo op and the con goer said ‘he looks bisexual here’ and misha literally said ‘oh he definitely looks bisexual here. i would say he’s actually closer to the gay side of the spectrum’ so..um...make with that as you will

OH MY GOD i’m finally done. wow. WOW. that was a lot. i hope i’ve blown your minds. ty anon i really wanted to talk about this and i hope you’re happy with the outcome!!!!!!

#cockles ask #sexuality spec #jensen is bi #anti rps for ts #cockles #liz answers #ok i have to admit it is crazy i have retained all this info #i hope someone appreciates it #my analysis #mine

[celiastjms]

Okay, here it goes. Episode Four of Scenes from a Marriage and it’s been less than 24hrs and I have rewatched the episode what, five times? Some scenes I’ve rewatched more than that :’) and I just??? That fucking show, these fucking characters??? Spoilers ahead, behold! — and this is long, I apologize in advance!!!!

One of the two major takeaways from the episode is that they are BOTH so incredibly awful to and for each other, and that they bring out the FUCKING WORST in each other. The sadest part is that they cannot be with but also not without one another even if it means hurting each other. And — and this is absolutely fucking tragic, the other major takeaway is that they STILL haven’t learned to communicate with each other. It’s been ( roughly ) FOUR FUCKING YEARS!!! ( In the first episode Mira is not yet 40, so she’s still 39 and now she is 43 and a half so give or take four years have passed since the first episode ) And yet all they kept constantly doing throught the episode was to ACCUSE the OTHER of not listening and not being able to communicate. Like they BOTH are aware of the issue but neither attempts to work through it??

Wow, just wow.

Those two are just, I don’t even have the words???

Like, where the fuck do I even start???

Mira already dragged her feet about the divorce in Episode Three, she wasn’t willing and ready then and maybe she hadn’t noticed the why yet but she wasn’t ready for a divorce then and she sure as hell isn’t ready now, even if she struggles to admit that out loud once prompted by Jonathan.

Again, Jonathan’s calculating and cold side jumped out. Like the scene, with them on the couch?? With Mira asking if he would be able to marry her again and then getting all quiet after her “ We’re fucked ”, like Jonathan KNEW that she still wanted him, he knew that when he invited her into his arms and she happily curled against him and he knew that when he started touching her. He was the initiator and he went quite aggressive about it ( which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, pretty sure it came as a welcome surprise to Mira though ), he knew she wanted him and he very much wanted her.

Mira asking him to stay after, to not immediately go, showing herself vulnerable and at the same time content in his arms, man that was a glimpse into their sex-life during their marriage ( that gets expanded later on but more on that in a second ). She knew he’d rush to get up, NOT because he regrets what they did but because he feels the need to clean himself — now I don’t know if this is rooted in his religious upbringing and something he simply cannot shake or if it’s something else but either way it must be a fucking awful feeling to have your partner rush to clean himself after you just had sex. No doubt humiliating too in a way, so no wonder she asked him to stay and I wonder how often she had done that before, you know to have that kind of soft intimacy?

Their marriage was broken in so many ways & aspects. I know we only got to see the tip of the iceberg but holy fuck.

Mira telling him she got fired, or, asked to resign and going back to explain that it was bound to happen after she didn’t take the promotion and Jonathan getting defensive IMMEDIATELY, to the point where she HAS TO tell him she isn’t blaming him and that this isn’t what it is about is such a perfect example of them STILL not having learned to communicate with each other. I have no fucking clue how they got through the settlement conversations if all they do is either hear what they want to hear or only hear half of what the other says and then interprete it in a completely different direction because they didn’t listen to the rest. Like, it has been ( give or take ) FOUR FUCKING YEARS and they still haven’t learned to communicate.

No wonder they never fucking sorted through any issue they had prior to Mira cheating on him and leaving him since they just don’t know how to fucking communicate.

Okay back to Mira telling Jonathan she has lost her job. It fucking sucks. I can see where she is coming from, she gave them their all, she put her marriage on the line, the relationship with her daughter and how did they thank her for it? By asking her to resign when she no longer gave them their all but took time to work on her relationships and spend time with her daughter.

It’s a bit of a tragedy, that she wanted it all and for a split second she had it, only for her to lose it all in the end. Losing her job drives the point home that she has officially lost everything. I mean, sure, Mira escaped from her marriage into her career, because in her career she didn’t feel the need to make herself small in an effort not to emasculate anyone, which is how she felt in her relationship with Jonathan and while losing the life she had with Jonathan was bearable, at first at least, she still had her job, she still had the security of that. The knowledge that she was good at what she did and needed there, but now she has lost that too and is watching her life spinning out of control. ( She’ll probs get a nice settlement and will still be well off but still, it stings ) It takes her a little while to admit but she felt like she was being replaced by someone younger, by someone more fun which is why she takes such offense later when Jonathan mentions that they’re older ( we’ll get to that ). 

That no doubt hits hard and Jonathan takes THAT FUCKING MOMENT to tell her, no less than thirty minutes after they had sex, that he no longer feels anything for her? That he no longer cares? ( And later he even expects her to be happy for him? What the fuck man?? ) Like don’t get me wrong I understand where he comes from, because it is no doubt liberating to him to have reached that point — BUT fucking her to try and prove to himself he is okay without her? C’mon that’s a low fucking blow and to rub it in her face when she’s already on the ground isn’t much better.

I mean sure she asked, but what the fuck man?

It’s no fucking wonder that she lashes out. She’s hurt. He hurt her so she tries to hurt him in return. They truly do bring out the worst in each other. Also, I absolutely love that she calls him out, that she asks if he only fucked her to prove to himself he doesn’t love her anymore and the hilarious part is that Jonathan doesn’t even acknowledge it because he knows that she has a point.

She isn’t wrong when she calls him a narcissist and says he doesn’t give a fuck about how, what he says makes her feel. At the same time, I love that Jonathan has reached a point where he can meet Mira as an EQUAL — bc they both are fucking egocentric narcissists but also, because that is what she needs. Someone who is her equal, which I think Poli in many ways is, the fact that they’re fighting and going to couples counseling at least speaks for him being able to call her out on her BS which for the longest time Jonathan wasn’t able to ( but Poli isn’t Jonathan and he isn’t who Mira wants, yes yes we’ll get to that ) which is what I think he aims for when he tells her he has detached himself from her enough to still be able to enjoy her and her company but to no longer be as emotionally dependent as he once was. He just choses the wrong fucking moment??

It’s a given that Mira lashed out and tried to hurt him and she hit a fucking nerve, Jonathan wouldn’t have gone off the way he did, if she didn’t. I mean it fucking stings to be told that she wasn’t sexually fulfilled — as if he wouldn’t know that already since she cheated BUT STILL and that she felt the need to hide a part of herself and instead of acknowledging that and listening to what she says — or to communicate, how he chides her what, five minutes earlier? He goes on and talks right over her, aiming for the same topic but from a completely different angle.

They can’t fucking communicate.

And man, despite everything, Mira STILL can’t bring herself to sign the papers even though he told her pretty much directly that he no longer wants her?? It’s tragic that she realized now, where Jonathan is done, or claims to be at least, that she isn’t.

She NEVER was fully available to Poli, no matter how hard he tried and how much he wanted to have a relationship, a family with her because she was still too hung up on Jonathan, because she couldn’t let him go, because even though she cannot be with him, she cannot be without him. The worst part is that she realized that she rather holds on to Jonathan than to try and build a family with Poli when she went to couples counseling with him. When she did with Poli what Jonathan asked her to do before she grabbed her things and ran.

And all that Jonathan WANTS to hear is that because she got dumped ( and lost her job ) she comes back running to him. Which is not the fucking case, she says that Poli took longer to accept that the relationship was over. If anything, Mira left him and she left him because she rather gives up on a future with Poli than giving on Jonathan. And it’s sad that, she is honest and vulnerable in that moment because she truly opens up and reveals something of herself and all he chooses to hear ( which is understandable considering where they stand BUT STILL ) is that she got dumped and chooses to come running back to him when she has wanted to come back to him this entire time but she’d been too blind to see it or acknowledge it— even though IT WAS OBVIOUS as fuck. I mean she even tells him that she has zero desire for a fresh start, that she wants what she used to have and I don’t think she would want her job back and would want to live in the marriage the way they did before she cheated but she wants back what she and Jonathan once had, because she still loves him and she knows he still loves her.

Jonathan pushing Mira right after they had sex to sign the settlement drives home the point that he is seemingly done. You know, one last fuck, a nice dinner and that’s it. When in truth he pushes her to sign the papers because he tries to convince HIMSELF that it’s for the better. I mean he tells her he is ready to tear the settlement up instead of signing them, but at the same time he knows they need to sign it because at the point they’re at right now, they would no doubt destroy each other would they go back to each other.

What I thought was interesint, was that he signed the papers only after Mira did, which I thought the entire time he had already done and that he was only waiting for her to do the same. Funny, that he pushed her to do something he hadn’t done himself yet, right? Looks like Mira isn’t the only one still hung up on what they once had.

And god, when he tells her he wants another child and that he is thinking about doing it without the attachment of a relationship and Mira asks if he thought that she might want to give him another child?? Like?? Girl why would he? Why would he even consider you? I understand fully why he didn’t but I get too why she asked because SHE IS still very much hung up on Jonathan, she had just made that much clear with telling him she chose him over Poli and the fact that she is ready, in a heartbeat, to give him another child, which is what she had denied Poli just underlines that??

And then she takes offense when he points out that they aren’t young anymore because she takes it as an insult ( considering the day she had I understand that though ) and because the concept of HIM having a child WITHOUT HER whether or not a romantic relationship is involved is one she doesn’t like one fucking bit, which is why she lashes out the way she does.

They bring out the absolute fucking worst in each other and yet they can’t get away from one another. Can’t be without each other.

I’m not saying that they’re prone to violence, but Jonathan had manhandled her before, when he wouldn’t let her pack her own suit case and pushed her away. They truly bring out the worst in each other. Neither Mira’s nor Jonathan’s actions here are excusable. They BOTH are just fucking awful and they reach their breaking point in that moment. And it’s awful and it’s painful, and they still love one another, which is the worst fucking part.

Like when Jonathan leaves, he for a moment looks ready to turn around and go back, to not have things end that way. Even now, even after that, they still cannot let go of each other. They can’t with and they can’t without each other.

Jessica and Oscar delivered again. I have no fucking words. Their skill and talent is unmatched. That last scene broke me and knowing it was them without a stunt coordinator hits even harder because they just fucking went for it?? And delivered this?? My heart is still bleeding.

HONESTLY, there is so much more that I could say but this already got super long hdhfjdkskdhf ( I’m sorry!! ) I’ll probs make another post soon because I got so many thoughts BUT STILL. What the fuck was that episode??? It feels so final?? So, well and truly over that I have absolutely no fucking clue what to expect from the next and actual final episode?? I just know that I need it NOW even though I’m terrified as fuck.

#scenes from a marriage spoiler #scenes from a marriage #sfam #jessica chastain #oscar isaac #ʙᴜᴛ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ɪs ɴᴏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʟᴇғᴛ ᴛᴏ sᴀʏ — sfam meta #ɪ sᴇᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʜᴏᴛ ᴍᴇss ᴀɴᴅ ʀᴀɪsᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀ ᴅɪsᴀsᴛᴇʀ ʟᴇsʙɪᴀɴ — out #I'm sorry this got so fucking long #hence the read more fhgjfjks

[madamewriterofwrongs]

“Let’s share my coat, since you’re so cold.” For Buddie plz bc imagine the potential 💛🥺

So sorry about the long wait, my darling. I hope you enjoy <3

Hold My Hand When No One’s Looking

911/Buddie

Honestly, Eddie hadn’t noticed it right away. He and Buck were relatively the same size (though the other man was a bit wider in the chest and arms) and spent much of their day in uniforms. It also so happened that the two of them had similar styles when it came to their civilian clothing. There was a lot of denim and a lot of circle-necked shirts in their shared wardrobe.

He’d known that asking Buck to move in with him would mean surrendering to the fact that everything he owned would slowly become ‘theirs’. His favourite show became their late-night binge, his unhealthy snack choices mysteriously disappeared whenever Buck was left alone to babysit Christopher, and one time he swore that his toothbrush had been moved – though he’d never been able to prove it. But Eddie didn’t mind, not really. Buck had already stolen his heart, so he’d happily let him steal the rest of his life.

Telling Carla that very thing when she’d asked him about his mismatched socks had earned him a side-splitting laugh and a text to Buck, who later teased him mercilessly for the rest of the week.

He still had no regrets about letting him in.

Because that was what you did where there was love and trust. You didn’t mind sharing because you had someone who wanted to share with you in the first place.

He was even becoming better at opening up about personal things. He still struggled to admit when he was scared or upset about something because for so long, he’d understood that expressing his feelings wasn’t his job. Though he knew better now, it was still a monumental task for Eddie to share some anecdote about his childhood or speak up when Buck said something that struck an errant nerve.

But it was worth it, he vowed. It was worth it to try, and he didn’t mind sharing those things with Buck. He didn’t think he minded sharing anything with his partner.

That is to say: he was fine, until he searched through his closet one morning, scrambling to get to work on time because someone had hit the snooze button one too many times.

“Where is my grey sweatshirt?” He threw the pile of clothes from the closet floor to the bed. “Where are any of my sweatshirts?”

“Laundry?” Buck called from the bathroom, poking his head out with a toothbrush still dangling from his lips.

“There’s no way I got every single one of my sweatshirts dirty since the last time I did the laundry.” As he continued his search, he could hear Buck rinse and spit before beginning his morning routine of styling his hair with way too much product for Eddie’s liking (though he’d never complain because it gave him a chance to play with his hair throughout the day until it was exactly to his preferences). Sure enough, he found a collection of clothes in the hamper that definitely resembled his but he did not remember wearing.

Though he did remember watching Buck spill ketchup on a grey sweater that looked suspiciously like his.

How had he not noticed before? How long had Buck just been taking clothes out of his closet? Why hadn’t he bothered to ask first? He would have been happy to share – well maybe not elated but he wouldn’t have minded – but for Buck to just take them without permission (and then get them dirty)? It bothered him more than he thought it should have.

He wants to wear your clothes, the untamed romantic portion of his brain swooned.

He’s stretching out your shirts without asking, the frantic portion grumbled as he searched for a wearable sweatshirt from the pile of clothes that had apparently become communal without his knowledge.

“Did you find it?” Buck reentered the bedroom, now looking much more put together than Eddie felt.

“I found something.” He grumbled as he threw the black shirt over his head, grimacing at the old clothes smell that lingered on the fabric. “When we get home, you’re doing laundry.”

Buck squawked as he threw on his own – clean – shirt. “Why do I have to do it?”

Because it’s your fault I don’t have any clothes to wear. If he’d had time, he might have launched into a lecture about why this small thing frustrated him so much. But alas, they were already running behind, so he silenced them both with a kiss.

“No complaints.” He gently ordered, smirking at the way Buck immediately melted under his touch. It was a nice reminder that the feeling of adoration was very much mutual between them.

“Okay.”

“Let’s go.” He smacked Buck on the behind as they stumbled out the bedroom door. “If we’re late again, Bobby will make us scrub the truck with a toothbrush. Again.”

After that morning, it was as though Eddie became hyperaware of how often Buck wore his clothes. At least twice per week, he’d find his favourite t-shirt in the back of his boyfriend’s closet, or search for several minutes only to discover someone else’s ass in his only clean jeans.

Once, he’d grabbed one of Buck’s pants in protest, but spent the entire day pulling at the inseam and ended up rolling the pantlegs just to avoid tripping.

And yet, when the boy with the giraffe legs wore his pants, it looked hot.

Did it look hot? Of course, Eddie had surrendered to his physical attraction to Buck long ago. Nearly anything that man wore would get him going. Was there something about seeing Buck in his clothes that made him look exceptionally appealing?

The day he pulled one of his nicer dress shirts over his head, only to find the sleeves had been completely stretched (and there were definitely a few seams missing) was the day he decided that no amount of sexiness would let him forgive Buck for stealing his clothes.

Maybe it was petty of him to start hiding his good clothes. And maybe it was immature to start separating their laundry – not to mention a waste of water – but at least he knew he’d have his own clean clothes to wear. It wasn’t like Buck was lacking for wardrobe. The man took up the majority of their shared closet with his selections. “Something for every occasion.” He’d told Eddie. Which made it all the more confusing that he would want to take from Eddie’s meager pile.

“Hey, Eddie, can I borrow your green long sleeve?” He asked as he searched the closet for the item without waiting for a reply. Of course, Eddie knew that he wouldn’t find the shirt amongst its brethren because he’d hidden it in a bin under the bed for this exact occasion.

At least he’s finally asking for permission. Too late for him, now.

“I don’t have a green long sleeve.” Eddie continued to dress with the picture of innocence masking his satisfied smirk.

“I’m sure you do.” Buck mumbled as he headed towards the dresser (also 70% Buckley). “I wore it to Bobby’s BBQ three weeks ago.”

“Oh, so he admits to wearing my clothes.” His mumbled sarcasm was intended to only pacify his own needs, but unfortunately, his boyfriend had excellent hearing at the most inconvenient of times.

“What do you mean ‘he admits’?”

Well, Eddie glanced at the alarm clock to confirm they had just enough time to get into their discussion, he might as well bring it up now instead of months in the future when it had grown into an even worse frustration and festered into every aspect of their relationship. Or they could nip it in the bud now.

Despite the topic of discussion, he was still surprised when he gave a long sigh and turned around only to find a very shirtless Buck standing before him. He was only momentarily distracted by the smooth lines and soft, exposed skin – he was only human – but he recovered with most of his dignity intact.

“You have so many clothes but you always wear mine. Why?”

Of course, Buck looked sheepishly adorable, and perhaps a little confused at the hostility being directed towards him. “I like your clothes. I didn’t think you minded.”

“Well I do mind. You keep stretching the fabric and then you get them dirty and I have nothing to wear.” Eddie was proud of his composure in the face such a stunned and sweetly wide-eyed expression.

“Oh, I-I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”

The logical portion of his brain knew very well that if Eddie simply told Buck that this was bothering him, he’d stop immediately. Why it took him so long to bring it up and then felt surprised by the outcome, he still wasn’t sure. One look at the sincerity on his boyfriend’s face and him reaching an arm to summon him to his side.

Buck took his hand immediately, letting himself stumble into Eddie’s embrace and throw his arms around his waist with practiced ease. This was comfortable. This, he could do: hold Buck close and tell him the truth.

“I don’t like that you didn’t ask me first if you could borrow my clothes. That bothers me more than a few ruined shirts (although, I’m still not letting you wear my green long sleeve. It’s one of my favourite shirts and I’d like to preserve some of the shape).” Buck opened his mouth to call out his lie from moments earlier but wisely closed it a moment later. “Just ask, okay?”

The man in his arms quickly nodded, a shy smile on his lips. “I’m sorry, you’re right. I’ll ask before borrowing your clothes again.”

He knew he was being too cheeky for his own good, but how could he resist those kissable lips? “I’m sorry, I’m what, now?” Buck scrunched his face, preparing to protest, silenced a moment later by Eddie pulling him just close enough for their lips to meet.

Kissing Buck had quickly become one of Eddie’s favourite past times. A quick peck at work, a long reunion after a long day, a sloppy smooch against the truck after one of them had consumed too much alcohol but they were both drunk on each other (and he’d wisely kept that particular nugget of poetry to himself, lest he face more ridicule). The largest change when taking the sidestep from ‘best friends’ to ‘lovers’ had been their level of physical contact, which had always been comfortably close. Now, there was no space between them. No barriers.

But they still had to wear their own clothes. That was where Eddie drew the line when it came to sharing their lives. It was an arbitrary line, to be sure, but it was one to which he held firm. As predicted, Buck was quick to respect the line and stick mostly to his own wardrobe. When he asked to borrow a dress shirt or shorts, he made a habit of coming up behind Eddie and wrapping his arms around his middle, gently murmuring his clothing request in Eddie’s ear like a salacious secret. Was it a dirty move? Absolutely. Did Eddie cave every single time? Without a doubt. Did he respect that his boyfriend exploited his weaknesses? Somehow, it made him love him more. He also respected that Buck didn’t abuse his super power for every clothing item. He accepted Eddie’s distaste for ill-fitting clothing and always turned to his wardrobe first.

Miraculously, many of Buck’s clothes started getting thrown in the donation hamper – almost as though he hadn’t worn them in months or years and no longer had need of them. Soon enough, their wardrobe had evened out and Eddie could actually mark the distinction between his and Buck’s side of the dresser.

Suddenly he could breathe again.

“It wasn’t about the clothes.” Eddie informed him one night as they lay in bed.

Of course, Buck propped up on his elbows to face Eddie despite the darkness. “What wasn’t?”

“The clothes borrowing thing.”

“The clothes borrowing things wasn’t about the clothes?” It was understandable to hear confusion in his voice.

“I brought it up to Frank the other day. And we talked about why it bothered me so much.”

“You said that I was stretching out your clothes (which I’m choosing to take as a compliment, by the way).” As a show of comfort, Eddie ran a hand under the sleeve of Buck’s night shirt, only to laugh when his boyfriend pulled away a moment later. “Why are your hands always so cold?”

“Not all of us are a furnace.” He gently reminded, knowing it would go completely unmarked by the human stove. “And while I am definitely not a fan of you stretching my shirts, it wasn’t actually about that.” One thing he loved about Buck from long before their romance began, was his ability to wait for Eddie to gather the courage to continue speaking. He rarely prompted or interjected when time stretched between them; he gave Eddie the space to find the words.

“It felt like I was losing a part of myself when I saw you in my clothes.” Surely, he could find more words than that. “When I look around this room – when I look around the house – I see us. I see you and Christopher making a pillow fort even though I told you not to take the cushions off the couch. I see me and my son trying to bake a cake for your birthday and actually making one that was edible.”

“Well”

“Are you going to tell Christopher that you hated the cake he made you?”

It was a cheap shot but it hit its mark every single time. “Wow.”

“I see you and me getting ready in the bathroom the first time I told you I loved you.”

It was one of his fondest memories, and one he would treasure forever; the day he’d been brushing his teeth beside Buck, staring at the man who’d come to mean so much to him, and the words tumbled out (along with a glob of foam) before he’d realized how true they were.

“We are all over this house and I love that. But my clothes? They were this thing that was just mine – one little thing I didn’t have to share. And when you took them without asking, it was like you were taking more than just my shirt. If that makes sense.” Clearly, he was out of practice with this sort of discussion (and he ever had this sort of discussion?) because the rambling was making him lightheaded.

“It does.” He could feel his boyfriend shift in the moonlight to something less than a hover, relaxing onto his shoulder so they both faced the ceiling but still felt connected to each other. “And I never meant to make you feel that way. I guess it was that cliched thing where I like smelling like you and having a piece of you with me all the time.” Eddie willed his beating heart to calm.

“Buck, we live and work together, how are you not sick of having me around?”

Another wonderful thing about dating Buck was his newfound ability to feel his eyes on him from across the room. Even in the middle of an emergency, he could look up and find Buck and know what they needed to do. When he was at his side, the stare was overwhelming.

“I will never get sick of you.” Buck’s voice was filled with more emotion than Eddie had words to describe and yet he knew exactly how he felt. “But I won’t wear your clothes anymore.”

His instinct was to protest, to concede to Buck and let him have whatever would make him happy. It had been his instinct for most of his life: make sacrifices so his loved ones would be happy.

You are allowed to have what you want. Buck will still be happy.

He found Buck’s lips in the darkness. “Thank you.”

--

The scene was a mess. One kitchen fire had spread to several houses before emergency services were even called – Buck admired that the neighbours had all tried to deal with the problem themselves; Eddie thought they were idiots for trying to douse the grease fire with water and then continue to pour water when the flames grew higher. It was a simple enough task to put out the flames and get everyone to safety but it left foam and shivering bodies and bits of debris scattered from the lawn to the street. The cleanup took longer than the rescue, completely unaided by the mid-day son beating down on the scene, melting both foam and firefighter with equal measure.

Mercifully, Bobby was the first to remove his jacket and throw it on the pavement so he could work with more ease, leading the way for his crew to strip off their heavy turnout gear and throw it in a pile. While their equipment wasn’t any less boiling to the touch, they were at least given this small reprieve while they continued to work.

And if Buck and Eddie were separately caught distractedly watching their boyfriend work in their form-fitting pants and sweat-soaked shirts, that was an added bonus of just doing their job.

Once they were finally in a position to leave (after doling a few lectures and congratulations to the civilians who’d tried really hard and only made things worse), the crew grabbed their coats from the pile and headed back to the trucks. Eddie would never admit it, but sometimes, he was distracted by the mere sight of Buck. The blond was teased constantly for his so-called ‘heart eyes’ whenever he thought no one was looking, but Eddie knew he was just as bad. It was difficult not to – considering his partner’s attractive physical features – but even to admire Buck’s enthusiasm and heart were unavoidable when he let himself enjoy a moment of peace.

Life since they’d begun their romance had been calm in a way Eddie never imagined his life to be – because there never really was a moment of calm, and yet it was the most serene he’d felt in a very long time. Every day was an adrenaline rush of emergency calls and worrying for his son. He still awoke with nightmares of the past and future reminding him that every one of his failings had consequences. His wounds still ached in the daylight and his life was constantly in peril. He still stumbled over milestones when it came to raising Christopher without the mother of his child, and no amount of forgiveness could completely erase the shame he felt in asking for help. But through it all, through every loss and victory both at work and at home, he didn’t feel alone. He had a partner in all things who loved his son and tried every day to be there for the two of them.

He wished he could say he wasn’t surprised at how well Buck fit into their domestic lives but it had never occurred to him to imagine it until he was asking his boyfriend of six months to move into his home because so many of his things were there anyways. The first morning he awoke to fresh coffee and the smoke alarm screeching in his ear, it somehow sealed his fate: he and Buck fit comically well together.

And the man knew him in a way no one had (not his wife, not parents, not any friend he’d ever had). He liked to think he knew Buck just as well but he enjoyed every time that he discovered something new about his partner. It sent a shiver of delight through his bones when he realized that he never wanted to stop learning about this man who made him feel happy.

He did, however, need to talk to Bobby about ordering a new jacket because his current one was much too big, especially in the shoulder area. Which was odd because he didn’t remember having that problem earlier. Of course, Eddie rolled his eyes, he must have grabbed the wrong coat – probably Buck’s – which would explain his sudden lack of stature. As he swung the offending item off his back, he searched for his partner in order to toss the coat in his face (as one does when one is hopelessly in love with a dork), only to stop short when he finally caught sight of him.

Whether by accident or design, Buck had grabbed Eddie’s coat and was proudly wearing it as he went about his normal duties, completely unaware that the sleeves were just a little too short, and the back was stretched a little too tightly. In fact, it was stretched taut in a manner that displayed the LAFD logo and bright stripes for all to see; and right underneath was Eddie’s last name. Four letters he’d seen all his life were suddenly given a different meaning.

‘Diaz’ had never been just his, it has always been something he shared: first with his family, and then Shannon, and then to Christopher the moment he held his son in his arms. He had been lectured by May once about the concept of ownership and the woman having to take the husband’s last name as though she belonged to him. He was well away of the history of name changes in marriages and significance in contemporary society of couples choosing different ways to express their commitment to one another. Call him old fashioned – and he knew that he was – but he had never seen Shannon taking his last name as a symbol of ownership; to Eddie, it meant that they were a family. A clan. Together in all things. There was a sense of pride in knowing that his name would live on when he was gone and that he was able to share this thing with the people he cared for most.  

As if it were nothing at all, there was Buck, walking around in public with the name Diaz on display. Anyone who didn’t know them might believe that was his name. What would Buck say if a stranger called him ‘Mr. Diaz’ or ‘Firefighter Diaz’? Would he blush and smile, would he vehemently correct them, would he brush it off but realize he didn’t want to be associated with that name ever again?

Did he want that? Did he want Buck associated with his last name? There was no guarantee when they got married that either of them would change their names. Maybe, they could hyphenate.

When they got married.

Eddie didn’t ask for his jacket back.

--

Later, when someone asked him how dinner went, Eddie would have no earthly idea what they even ordered. He remembered confirming with Buck that they had reservations for their anniversary dinner, he remembered Hen picking up Christopher for his overnight playdate, he remembered kissing Buck against the bathroom door when he emerged in his dress shirt and tie, he remembered driving to the restaurant too afraid to hold his boyfriend’s hand because his palms were suspiciously clammy.

It was just a dinner at a nicer restaurant to celebrate their anniversary together. They’d had one of these already and a million dates in between. Yet it sent his heart racing every time. Not only was he a fan of Buck when he dressed to the nines (he loved that man in everything and nothing, but the tight dress pants were a treat) but it was also a celebration of their time together. Of how far they’d come as a couple and as individuals. Going out in public came with a small amount of anxiety and guilt, of course, but they’d worked through every setback as partners and would continue to do so.

On their first official date, Eddie had called Buck at 3am to inform him that they could never see each other again because he was betraying his wife’s memory by moving on. Another time, they had run into one of Buck’s previous conquests who was alarmingly cavalier about their sex history but incredibly judgmental about Buck’s current situation. Introducing Buck to his parents was more than a little nerve-racking (though significantly better than meeting the Buckleys for the first time) but had turned out amiably enough when they saw how much Eddie and Christopher cared for the man – and more importantly, how much Buck cared about Christopher.

Christopher had been his saving grace in so many ways, not the least of which was figuring out how to introduce Buck at school functions. ‘Boyfriends’ was the term they used most often but it still felt juvenile whenever he said it out loud. ‘Lover’ had made both of them double over in laughter, and ‘special friend’ was off the table before it had left his mouth. Though he’d never said it out loud, Eddie was saying the term ‘Partner’ for a special occasion.

The first time Eddie had brought Buck to the afterschool pick up so his teachers could meet the other adult with special permission to care for Christopher, he’d stressed to the point of tearing a small hole in the steering wheel cover about what to call him.

And then Christopher had run into his best friend’s arms and introduced everyone to ‘His Buck’ as though that name was the only explanation anyone needed. But it did the trick. Everyone greeted him with kindness and respect and when one of the teachers asked Eddie if this was, indeed, ‘His Buck’, all he’d been able to do was blush and nod.

They’d overcome every little thing that life had thrown their way. They could get through one little dinner.

“You have been fidgety all night.” Buck teased through another mouthful of garlic bread. Or maybe they couldn’t. “What’s up with you?”

“Nothing is up with me.” He lied. “I’m just tired. Long shift.”

“Boring shift. Four false alarms, seven car accidents, and one heart attack. I would have killed for a house fire or even someone stuck in a tree.”

“How would they have gotten stuck in a tree?”

Buck shrugged, stuffing another loaf into his mouth. “Maybe they were skydiving but the wind picked up and they got carried away.”

They continued their hypothetical discussion (which turned to the topic of craziest saves, most disgusting encounters, and most obvious lies) until their shared appetizer arrived and he realized how at ease he felt despite his earlier tension. That was another miraculous thing about being with Buck. Without meaning to – for he did it far too often to be intentional – he could pull Eddie from whatever wave was threatening to pull him under and keep him company by just being himself. They would talk and laugh and find companionship with one another until suddenly, the waves had subsided.

“Where’s my phone?” Buck patted his entire body, despite only possessing two pockets in which he could fit his cell. Upon finding nothing, he concluded “I must have left it in the truck, I’m just going to go grab it.”

When Buck reached for Eddie’s jacket pocket, knowing the keys were always in the right, Eddie felt a new wave of panic suddenly submerge him and he shouted “Don’t touch that!” too loudly for anyone at the adjoining tables to misunderstand him.

The way his boyfriend instantly paled, told him that no one had misunderstood his harsh reaction. Buck released the jacket, letting it fall to the ground, but hesitated to grab it. A thousand curses and warning bells echoed through Eddie’s mind, knowing full well how far his partner’s mind could travel down a dangerous path before he ever reached him.

“I’m sorry, Eddie,” he sputtered. “I know we talked about the clothes thing, I just forgot.” Only then did he finally reach a hand to take the jacket on the tasteless restaurant carpet. “Can I grab-”

“No.” He snatched the offending object before Buck could finish his sentence; flinging it away with such force that the contents of his pockets spilt onto the floor. Another curse barely left his lips before both men were on their hands and knees, scrambling to retrieve the objects.

Buck found it first.

“What’s this?”

Eddie froze with a hand on his keys, eyes locked on his partner – his best friend – holding the small velvet box that had once been housed in his jacket pocket. Abandoning all else, Eddie crawled to meet Buck beside the table. He breathlessly watched the other man examine the box, feeling the edges with sharp anticipation

A voice that wasn’t his own whispered in the space between them “open it.” With medical gentility, Buck pulled open the lid and Eddie watched his expressions shift as understanding took hold.

He’d been so careful, to the point of paranoia, about picking out the perfect ring. There had been incognito browser searches, late-night chats with Hen about same-sex protocol (for which he repaid her with many cups of espresso), and one very anxious expedition to the jewelers to find the perfect one. And right at the finish line, he fumbled over his own two feet.

The only memory that mattered, though, was the look in Buck’s eyes when he saw the ring and realized what it symbolized to both of them. What Eddie was asking for wasn’t marriage: it was everything. A life of sharing their darkest selves and celebrating every triumph. Being both an individual and a pair in equal measure – partners in every sense. Respect and trust and joy would become home, security would be a given; everything was asked with that circle bonding them together.

“I’m sorry for grabbing your jacket.” Buck whispered when he finally looked away from the box in his shaking hands. The laugh that escaped Eddie was barely more than a cry of barely restrained tears but it brought a smile to both their faces.

“It’s okay.” Neither could look away now that they’d found each other in the silence. “Do you like it?”

“It’s nice. Did Maddie help you pick it out?”

“She offered when I went to ask for her blessing but this was all me.”

“You asked for her blessing? How traditional.”

“I’m a traditional kind of guy.”

“I know. Sophia told me what you did to her first boyfriend.”

“It was only meant to scare the guy. How was I to know he had asthma?”

“He was 15, you shouldn’t have done it anyway. I think it might be illegal now.”

“Oh my god.” Both men looked up at the waitress standing over them with their food in hand. “Will you ask him already?” A few chuckles from curious onlookers reminded them that they were still kneeling in the middle of a restaurant with Buck holding the ring he wasn’t meant to see yet.

The blush that crept on his partner’s face matched his own, but Eddie’s only focus was on fulfilling the server’s request.

“Marry me, Buck?”

His smile outshone the entire city of Los Angeles.

“Yes.”

As cheers erupted around them, Eddie scooted across the carpet to pull his fiancé into a kiss saturated with joy and laughter. His hands fairly shook as they clasped Buck’s cheeks to hold them steady but nothing else matter to him but that smile.

Slipping the engagement band onto his finger was prolonged by the trembling in both their hands but with time, he stared down at the circle, knowing it was finally where it belonged.

He only realized he had stared for too long when the waitress cleared her throat to grab their attention.

“If you folks wouldn’t mind taking your seats; these plates are kinda hot.” The men scrambled back into their booth, offering copious apologies to the woman who simply rolled her eyes and told them that dessert would be on the house. A handful of patrons offered their congratulations but Eddie rarely turned his attention away from the man across from him. Every time their eyes met for the rest of the night, he could feel the dopey-eyed grin that refused to melt away. He hoped it never did.

The evening had not gone the way he’d planned in any shape of the word but for years to come, he would relish in telling the story of their engagement, and of the full lives they shared together.

#cj writes things #softboiidiaz #love sunny #buddie #buddie fic #911 fox #911 fic #evan buckley #eddie diaz #established relationship #clothes sharing

[irrelevantwriter]

Acceptance

Pairing: (Dracula BBC) Count Dracula x OFC

Rating: SFW

Warnings: Language, some heavy petting, Dracula (bc he’s lethal to the panties and charming af)

Word Count: 6.4K

Summary: Part 1. Elena meets Count Dracula for a date. This is just the start of their journey together...a journey that Dracula intends to last a lifetime. 

AN: Here is a Dracula fic that no one asked for and yet here we are. If you’ve seen my blog, you’ve seen my recent fascination with BBC Dracula and since I cannot be managed, this is the product of such obsession. There are two other parts to this that I will be posting and there’s smut in those so have no fear, Daddy Dracula will be laying down the D bc he def fuuuucks. Enjoy and share with your friends! Feedback is that good shit.

*Check out part two: Decadence

*Unholy Splendor series masterlist 

*Masterlist in bio.

*******************

She pulled the black wool coat tighter around her body, attempting to shield herself from the chilly night air. The streets were still alive with activity, despite the cool temperatures. Every bar and restaurant she passed held the laughing, smiling faces of its patrons. The sight made her optimistic for her own evening.

Her heels clicked against the concrete of the sidewalk as she rounded the corner, dark eyes settling on the place she would be meeting her date. She felt the nerves in her stomach double, the anxiety of meeting someone new making her regret coming out. But one glance across the tables seated behind the glass and she relaxed slightly, eyes finding the man she was meeting in a dimly lit corner.

He was seated against the wall, eyes scanning the bar with a keen interest. His mouth twitched and his fingers thrummed on the surface of the table. He seemed to enjoy people watching. She took a moment longer to observe him without his knowledge, hoping she’d gain something from it. He looked just like his pictures, perhaps even better in person. Perfectly coiffed hair, unblemished white skin, and an air of sophistication and style that made her shiver.

Count Dracula

That was his name. It was odd, but she liked it. It was new and stood out among the many Michael’s, John’s, and Paul’s she’d come to know. She watched as he shook his head at the waiter when offered a menu, apparently not interested in drinking. He adjusted the lapels of his black suit jacket as he leaned back in his chair, eyes never straying far from those around him. He kept off his phone or any other gadget, instead choosing to occupy his time with taking in his surroundings.

Another refreshing tidbit about the mysterious man.

So far she liked what she saw and the nerves for a possible train-wreck of a date soon turned into nerves that it could be a possible success instead.

The thought made her dig in her clutch for her mirror, suddenly self-conscious. She double-checked her makeup, ensuring her face was still pristinely painted. Her raven hair was a bit windblown, but it still held the curl she’d spent an hour trying to achieve. She shut the compact, pleased to see that all of her hard work hadn’t been erased by the elements. It had been drizzling off and on, the night bathed in a permanent haze. It was gloomy and not the best conditions for an outing, but she’d kept her plans anyway. A notion that seemed like a bad idea at the time, but now she found herself simmering with anticipation.

Eyes as dark and limitless as the sky found hers suddenly, startling her. A wave of heated embarrassment flushed through her at the thought of getting caught appraising her appearance. Dracula only smirked, somehow silently beckoning her towards him. She stepped forward into the entryway and let the warmth of the space wash over her. She made her way to the corner, aware that he watched her the entire time. It was intimidating, but not off-putting.

He stood as she approached, his frame much taller than she’d expected. Even in her heels he towered over her, the grace of a gentleman behind his movements. He extended a hand towards her and helped her maneuver the last few tables, finally reaching the empty chair across from him. His touch was cool and smooth, the sensation feeling odd against her own hand.

“Elena?” He asked in a devastatingly handsome accent. It was a question, but he already knew the answer.

“Dracula?” She returned in the same tone, smiling coyly up at him. He chuckled in response, his thumb moving over the top of her hand in a delicate arch. The action made an involuntary shiver travel up her spine. It was imperceptible, but she could swear that he caught the motion. His eyes and lips showed his amusement as he released her hand and pulled out her chair for her.

“It’s nice to finally meet you in the flesh.” He said, moving to help her with her coat. She laughed and nodded as his fingers grazed her shoulders, pulling the wool from her body and hanging it from the back of her chair. Even though she was fully covered, something about his touch made her feel naked. And it wasn’t a feeling she was opposed to, surprisingly.

“Likewise.” She agreed, settling into her seat. His scent filled her nostrils, the smell tingling her senses. It was a unique aroma. He smelled like the rainy night mixed with cologne and something else…something distinct but untraceable to her.

He helped her push in her chair and then seemed to glide back to his own. His all black ensemble was impeccably tailored to his body, the straight lines and creases of the smooth material making him appear statuesque, noble even. They made quite the pair. A couple dressed in black in a dark corner. The mystique of it was enthralling. Something she’d never experienced before on a first date, maybe even ever.

“If I can say, you are more exquisite in person.” His eyes danced over her face and down her covered neck, stopping at where her pulse was hidden beneath the turtle neck.

Elena averted her gaze down, suddenly bashful by his compliment. She was a grown woman, capable of living life without the validation of men, but sitting across from Dracula made her shy away like a school girl while silently begging for more. He was a man of old-fashion charm and she was eating it up like a starved animal. Her mind spoke through the haze, but the woman inside her who longed to be doted on spoke louder, preening for her suitor.

“Quite the flatterer I see…” She teased, crossing her legs. His eyes tracked the movement, licking his lips when he caught a glimpse of her bare flesh. She, in turn, followed him with her eyes, giving herself a moment to study his face. She found the subtle lines of his face beyond attractive, the stories they told speaking to his distinguished age.

“No flattery from me, my dear. I never tell a lie.” He said with a sly smile, inviting her to believe his words and hold his gaze.

So she did.

For the next two hours.

Conversation came easy, laughter was plentiful. She found Dracula to be quite intelligent, his views on various topics surprising her. He was rather interested in her and her life, the steady stream of questions proving so. He observed her, listening to her speak with a curiosity akin to that of a child’s. He was fascinated by her work, puzzled by the idea of someone being so comfortable around the dead. Being a medical examiner was her passion and she hadn’t mind talking about it. Most people were just as confused by her choice, but there was always an underlying tone of disgust. Dracula didn’t possess that. Instead, he seemed to be in awe of her, frightened and infatuated. A combination that pleased her.

“I’m gathering it’s about time for us to leave.” He announced, taking note of the now near empty establishment.

Elena agreed, aware that the staff was politely waiting for them to finish so that they could close up for the night. The time had passed quickly, almost as if they’d been in a vacuum. She couldn’t recall anyone or anything…just him. It had been only the two of them.

They both stood, him assisting her with her coat again as they made their way out. The air was crisp and cold, the droplets of fallen rain covering the streets. There was a fog that still lingered. The sight should’ve been menacing, the perfect setting for a horror story. But it held a quiet beauty that she now admired as she walked with Dracula. Neither of them seemed to be in a rush to end the evening, their unhurried steps a testament to the fact.

She craned her neck up to look at him as they walked, taking in the way he embraced the night. He didn’t even appear to be affected by the cold. His arm brushed hers and he looked down, meeting her stare. He stopped suddenly, turning to face her. She felt her pulse jump as he stepped closer, hovering so close and yet not close enough. His hand barely cradled her face, not giving her a chance to revel in it before he was moving, shifting a strand of hair off her forehead. His long fingers traced down her neck, his palm flattening against the black fabric of her turtleneck. The dress was perfect for both the freezing temperatures and the date. It encased her in a high neck, long sleeves, and a hem that stopped at her knees, the material molding to her curves like honey.

“Are you cold?” He whispered, apparently taking note of the way she shuddered. His stare cascaded over the open front of her coat, once again taking in her feminine form. His hand continued to soothe across her neck and collarbone, the barrier between their flesh doing nothing to ease the lustrous heat that now burned between them.

“No.” Elena replied softly, finding herself angling her neck towards him. His fingers dipped below the turtleneck, pulling the material down and exposing her skin. Her heartbeat quickened and her breathing accelerated as he bent down and burrowed his nose against her. He inhaled deeply, attempting to suffocate in her scent. His other hand rested at her hip, locking her against him.

“You smell divine.” He breathed, burying his face in the crook of her neck. Her long hair created a curtain around him as he trailed his lips across her, goosebumps appearing instantly.

She clung to his jacket, acutely aware that they were still standing in the middle of the street. She anticipated a car or person to interrupt them, but it never happened. Once again it was just the two of them. No one else existed and no one else mattered in that moment.

Suddenly, Dracula was gone. His touch disappeared from her body entirely, not even the ghost of it lingered. Elena blinked away the haze and found him with his back to her, his hand outstretched towards her slightly. She thought she heard a grunt of pain come from his lips, but she couldn’t be sure.

“Dracula, are you alright?” She asked, stepping forward. He faced her, his face devoid of any of the discomfort she’d thought she’d heard from him.

His eyes were glued to her neck, watching as if he was afraid of something. Elena looked down, catching a glimpse of gold. The necklace her father had given her peeked out from the turtleneck, the diamond cross she knew to be hanging from it still concealed by the fabric of her dress. She tucked it back in, patting the piece of jewelry affectionately. He seemed to ease at her actions, his body releasing the tension he’d become twisted by.

“I’m fine, my dear. I seemed to have been hit with an unexpected ache.” He pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers, smiling kindly down at her. He could see the slight traces of worry in her face and he stepped forward, tipping her chin up. “Nothing I haven’t dealt with before.”

She felt that rush again at his close proximity. His touch felt different this time though. Less sure, less aggressive. She found herself longing for the confidence of his previous touch, longing for the addictive pull that seared itself onto her skin. His thumb traced over her lips, his blackened orbs taking them in with a longing that matched her own.

“I’d like to see you again, Elena.” He confessed.

She smiled, letting her palms rest flat against his chest. “I’d like that.”

He was pleased with her response, letting his finger trace over her mouth one more time before pulling away.

“Are you alright to make the trip home?”

She nodded, fastening her coat. “My car’s parked just over there.” She pointed to the lot lit up by street lamps.

He followed her arm, nodding in approval. “Good. Can never be too careful at this time of night.”

Elena faltered at what to say next, hoping that there would be a next time. It was almost unexplainable how much she craved to be in his presence. She’d just met him, hardly knew the man and yet she found it difficult to part from him. It was a completely foreign feeling and something she wasn’t entirely sure how to manage.

“I had a wonderful time.”

“Me too.” She mirrored, tensing when he slowly leaned down into her personal space. She wondered if he was going to kiss her. The thought excited her, made the stirrings of arousal come around again.

Instead, Dracula planted a tender kiss to her forehead. His cool lips still managed to electrify her heated skin, the gesture barely a fraction of the intimacy she suddenly craved from him.

“Goodnight, my dear. I will be seeing you soon.”

“Goodnight, Dracula.” She whispered, stepping backwards in the direction of her car. He only watched her, eyes never leaving her as she passed through the darkness. She could feel his stare on her as she walked, the intensity making her feel scorched. His eyes burned her more than his touch did, his true thoughts somehow bleeding into his gaze and radiating onto her. She couldn’t read them, his thoughts, but she knew he wanted her. He wanted her in a way she’d never been desired before. She knew that much. And she knew she didn’t want to shy away from it either.

She took one last glance over her shoulder before she settled into her car. The man was gone, no trace of him left behind.

*****************************************************

Dracula growled as he drained the last vestiges of life from the woman, her alabaster complexion now stained crimson from the gaping hole in her neck. Her body finally held still, her twitching limbs now silenced. The strong pulse that had lured him in now ceased, the beat of her heart now belonging to him.

He wiped his mouth with a handkerchief, the aftertaste not as pleasing as he’d hoped. The entire meal had been done in hopes of satiating a hunger that had practically overwhelmed him. It was a feeling he hadn’t felt in quite some time. Elena’s scent, her alluring flavor had consumed him without having to break her beautiful skin. He’d been ready to take her there in the street, ready to make her his own. The sudden appearance of the crucifix around her neck had put a stop to his insatiable appetite. It was a test of his self-control and restraint, a feeling he hadn’t had to fight with in months. Since awakening in modern times, Dracula had to work hard on being in public. There was hardly a place that laid deserted anymore, even at night. People were always out and what was once an arena of solitude for him was now a buffet. It was quite an adjustment, but one he’d taken on and overcome.

Technology had allowed him to refine his hunting skills, to select his meals with a specificity that had been missing for centuries before. It both delighted and disappointed him. Some things were far too easy, including feeding. The woman he’d chosen tonight had been eager to have him accompany her home. He hadn’t done much beyond charming her, not seeking any redeemable qualities. This was just about satiating a thirst. Nothing more.

He stood up, leaving her drained body on the floor of her bedroom. She was young and beautiful, though nothing like the woman he’d spent a majority of his time with tonight. He found himself thinking fondly of her, the forbidden fruit. He realized how he could use this to his advantage, dangle the innocence in front of himself. It would be torture, but after hundreds of years he also knew that torture had a way of transforming into pleasure. And Dracula most definitely wanted to keep Elena around to fulfill that pleasure.

The streets were quiet as he walked home, full but not satisfied after his spontaneous feeding. He thought more on his sudden plan, a plan to unite Elena with him in eternity. She would make an astounding bride, one he could be proud of. That hadn’t been the original plan, but after bathing himself in her scent and aura, he wanted her by his side. Her ease with the undead intrigued him. A beauty who was in love with the beasts…it was a romantic idea. And it was one he hoped he could monopolize on. If he had it his way, Elena would knowingly give her consent, something he’d never had before. There was potential there and he was going to harvest it. He had nothing but time.

******************************************************************

“Make your way to the back. I’ll be here.”

Elena read the message as she walked up to the restaurant, though the place barely looked open. There were no lights on or neon sign to alert potential customers. It was a simple building with a painted on name across the top of the arched doorway.

Mezzanote

The windows were covered by what appeared to be heavy curtains, the smallest glimpse of orange light shining through a break in the fabric. She hesitated with entering the establishment, unsure of a place she’d never heard of. But she thought of the man she was meeting. They’d had a few dates in recent weeks and her attraction to him was getting stronger by the day. They hadn’t kissed yet, barely touching much at all, but it didn’t seem to matter. He consumed her, a constant presence in her thoughts and dreams. Especially in her dreams, ravaging her body in such a way that was too overpowering for her dormant mind and body. She’d wake up in a cold sweat, feeling the coolness wash over her as if he’d been in her room with her. She’d even gotten up to check her home, but found no evidence of him there, least not physically.

Elena shook herself from her thoughts and stepped forward, too infatuated with the man she’d come to know as Dracula to walk away. It felt like something had ensnared her, unwilling to let her be. She understood that her life was forever going to be changed after making this mysterious man’s acquaintance. It already had.

“Miss, may I take your coat?” The waiter asked as she walked through the door. He was an older gentleman with white hair, his smile kind as he extended a hand towards her.

“Oh, yes. Thank you.” She allowed him to help her remove it while she tried to take in the interior of the restaurant. Her eyes scanned the dark walls, portrait paintings of noblemen and women adorning the space. Large wooden tables with white table cloths sat empty and untouched. The entire place reminded her of another moment in time, perhaps even another century.

She was just about to ask about her date when she met his eyes across the room, the table in the far back. He stood and smiled upon seeing her, his hand beckoning her forward. Elena moved towards him, feeling like a fish on a hook as he brought her in. Her previous anxieties seemed to dissipate once she set eyes on him. All she cared about, all she was concerned with was Dracula.

“My dear Elena, you look ravishing.” He praised, hand reaching for hers instantly. She complied with his silent request, watching as he brought her hand to his mouth. He kept eye contact with her, kissing the back of her hand with a cold touch.

“Thank you. You look quite handsome yourself.”

“Now who’s the flatter?” He retorted with a sly grin and a wink. She laughed and allowed him to assist her in getting comfortable in her seat.

“Touché.”

His fingertips grazed her naked shoulders, before dancing in her hair. Elena melted into the touch, leaning back and into him. She closed her eyes, getting lost in the way he caressed her hair to one side, exposing her neck. The dress she’d chosen sat off-the-shoulder, the burgundy material encasing her breasts to reveal a hint of cleavage.

“I have something for you.” He whispered into her ear, eliciting a shiver. He moved around to his chair that sat across from her and took a seat, reaching into his coat pocket.

“You didn’t have to do that.” She said in surprise, a faint blush already blooming on her cheeks. She watched as he pulled out a black velvet box and slid it over the table cloth and to her. Her eyes widened slightly at the implication of what lay inside. Dracula only smiled in pleased silence as she lifted the lid, revealing a beautiful gold necklace with a diamond encrusted crescent moon and a star attached. It was stunning and looked to be quite expensive.

“Do you like it?” He asked after a moment, taking in her stunned silence.

“Its gorgeous.” She finally replied, running a delicate finger over the small pendant. He stood and came to her side, taking it from the box for her.

“May I?” He asked, gesturing to her neck. She nodded, scooping her hair up so that he could put it on her.

His cold hands felt amazing against her heated skin as he clasped the necklace. He let his hands linger a moment before he pulled them away and went back to his chair, his eyes never leaving the moon and star that now sat just above her cleavage. She stared down at the gift in awe, running her fingertips over it repeatedly.

“Magnificent.”

Elena smiled shyly back at him, the reverence in his voice not lost on her. “I-I don’t know what to say…thank you.” She stammered, still in disbelief at his generosity.

“You are quite welcome, my dear.” Dracula sent a charming smile her way, sending a rush of heat to her core. It wasn’t the first time the man had provoked such a carnal response from her body. It was becoming a common occurrence when in his company.

“Would you like something to drink?” The waiter broke the moment, addressing her as he gestured to the empty wine glass before her.

She noticed the deep red liquid that filled Dracula’s glass and she nodded, pointing to his beverage. “I’ll have what he’s having.”

A beat passed in which the waiter looked to Dracula, as if for approval. It was odd, but over before she could think much on it. Dracula nodded and waved his hand, wordlessly telling the man what he needed to know.

“Did you have any trouble finding the place?” He said once the waiter left them.

“No,  though I’m surprised I’ve never heard of it before. It’s so close to my home.” She said, taking in more of her surroundings as she did. More portraits of men and women of centuries passed decorated the walls, the occasional knick-knack breaking up the art. The entire restaurant was lowly lit, candles and matte bulbs being the only source of light. The place was completely empty aside from them.

“Are we the only ones here?”

“Yes.” He replied simply, gaze straying to her chest.

“Is that normal?”

Dracula leaned back in his chair. Even sitting down he towered over her. “I’ve known the owner for many years. I made an arrangement.” He replied casually.

“Do you always buy your dates expensive gifts and arrange intimate dinners in restaurants?” She arched a manicured brow at him in challenge, a playful smirk pulling at her lips.

“Absolutely not.” He said with a chuckle. He turned serious an instant later, ensuring their matching brown gazes were locked. “You are the exception.”

Elena felt that warmth that had settled inside her start to spread at his words. The man was enchanting. The atmosphere he created was grand, always tinted with mystique and soft intensity. It was indefinable and yet she couldn’t deny herself the possibility of trying to figure it out…figure him out.

“You look lost in thought.” Dracula commented, pulling her from her thoughts. The waiter came back with a bottle of red wine, filling her glass as she thanked him.

“Just trying to understand you.” She admitted, hoping the statement didn’t offend him.

He laughed instead, seemingly entertained by her words. “Understand me how?”

“Usually men who cater to women in such a way want something in return.” She was blunt, not bothering to be subtle as she openly questioned his motives. She sipped from her wine glass as he leant forward, his features unreadable.

“I’m not like the men of this generation, my dear. I’ll think you find that to be true as we get to know each other better.” He raised a finger to her lips, dabbing softly at the corner of her mouth where a drop of red wine sat.

She remained motionless, unwilling to break the spell. For whatever reason, she believed him. And so far, he was right. He was unlike any man she’d been with…any person for that matter.

“I can’t wait.” She whispered with a lick of her lips once he’d pulled away. The heat that exchanged between them across the table was palpable and Elena knew she was going to pursue this, no matter the outcome.

***************************************************************

Dracula laughed as he walked down the darkened street with Elena attached to his arm. They’d left the restaurant an hour ago, the remainder of their time spent walking the night as he escorted her home. He enjoyed talking to her. She was the kind of company he needed. He’d grown tired of having those around him that hung on his every word, their obsession with him no longer enjoyable. For the first time in hundreds of years, he longed for a challenge. He yearned for the intellectual debates, the matching of wits, and the subtle allure that Elena seemed to possess. It’d taken him many years and many lifetimes, but he felt as if he’d finally found the perfect mate.

His eyes caught the glint of the necklace he’d gifted her, his mouth salivating at the sight. The necklace had been a calculated move. They’d had dates since their first, and each time he’d been lucky enough to not be exposed to the cross she’d initially worn. He’d been pleased, but he knew he ran a risk each time, so he bought the necklace weeks ago. The necklace symbolized more than a means of protection from the symbol of purity he despised. It signified her becoming his, the dark now following her everywhere. And though she would wear his mark for a short time, her immortal body would be unmarred and pristine. The necklace would continue to mark her, continue to label her as a creature of the night with him. It was his parting gift. A symbol of his fondness for her.

He’d kept it in his pocket just in case, but hadn’t needed it. Tonight though, the gesture felt right as he watched her walk into the restaurant. She was a spectacular specimen and he was finding it more difficult to control himself the more they spent time together. Her scent was enough to make his eyes roll to the back of his head, her pulse strong enough that he could sometimes feel it echoing in his ears. He longed to deliver the kiss of a vampire to her, to place her in a cocoon of serenity. She’d beg him for more. They always did. And he was sure he’d be unable to deny such a plea from her lips.

“Here we are.” She announced suddenly, stopping at the stoop of a brick townhouse.

“Lovely.” He said as he appraised the well-kept yard, noting the smattering of potted plants and flowers. He gazed down at her, seeing the barely concealed nerves she possessed start to surface.

“Would you like to come in?” She finally asked, her teeth biting into her lip anxiously. He found the habit endearing because she had no idea just the kind of power she held over him.

“Of course.”

She nodded, leading him up the stairs as she removed her keys from her purse. He stood behind her, eyes shifting to the street for any lingering threats. The area was deserted. He could feel her body heat radiating onto him and he had to admit that he stepped a fraction of a step closer, letting it bathe him in a warmth he hadn’t felt in quite some time.

“Come in.” She said once she’d unlocked the door. He did so happily, stepping over the threshold as he took in her home. It was a nice place, clean and well-decorated. It had feminine touches, but nothing over the top. It embodied her spirit well.

Her scent was everywhere and it was making it hard for him to concentrate on anything else. He watched as she took off her coat and hung it on a hook. She gestured to his own and he did the same, handing it over to her. She grabbed his hand and led him further into her home, turning on lamps as she went.

“Would you like a drink?” She asked, making her way to the kitchen as she spoke.

“I’m alright. Thank you.” He replied. He assumed she would pour a glass of something for herself, but instead she grabbed a bottle of water. He was pleased by the choice, not one for tasting the bitterness of alcohol in one’s bloodstream. He’d noticed she hadn’t drank very much at the restaurant either.

“Please, have a seat.” She motioned to the sofa, coming around to join him. He did so, crossing his legs as she removed her heels and pulled her feet up, sitting close but not enough to be touching.

“Your home is charming. It suits you.”

“Thank you. I love it here.”

He listened to the way she spoke fondly of her abode, the sound brining a rare genuine smile to his face. He focused on the necklace still seated comfortably along her chest, the pendant rising and falling with her breaths. It was a mesmerizing thing to watch. He found he could sit and observe her breaths for hours if she’d let him. He wanted to reach out and touch her, really touch her. He’d held back on participating in any real physical contact for fear that he’d lose himself in the sensations. But now, he couldn’t stop himself. He wanted to test the boundaries he’d laid for himself. He wanted to see how far she’d let him go and how far he’d let himself take her.

“This also suits you nicely.” He remarked, lifting a hand to her cleavage and trailing it across the gold chain. He felt the flesh under his touch shiver, though she didn’t pull away. He took a step further and scooted closer, facing her fully now. She only looked on as he cradled her neck in his palm like he’d done so many times before, feeling her pulse start to race. The idea of her heart beating so fast made his pants feel tighter, his blood lust turning into lust of the flesh.

“Is this okay?” He asked, mouth near her ear as he nibbled at her lobe.

“Yes.” Elena breathed out, eyes closed in surrender. His hand trailed down her neck, stopping just short of her breasts before continuing on, palming the soft mounds with ease. She arched into his touch, a gasp leaving her lips as he caressed her.

“Is this?” He asked once again, feeling how pliable she already was under his touch. There was no trace of hesitation or tension in her limbs. And with his keen senses, he could practically smell her arousal, hear the blood starting to rush to the apex of her thighs, anticipating his entrance.

“Yes…” She moaned, angling her neck so that his mouth had better access. Dracula licked and sucked, his teeth barely grazing the surface, but he could still taste her. She was water to a man in the desert. She was the most delectable fruit and her blood was the nectar he needed to survive.

“Kiss me.” She softly demanded, fixing her black gaze on him. Her lips were parted, her breath coming out in quick pants. She was looking up at him through lashes that screamed of feminine innocence. It was a deadly combination and one he was not strong enough to say no to.

He moved in slowly, bringing her forward slightly as he connected their lips. His hands tangled in her hair, enjoying the way the soft tresses felt in his grasp. He kept the pace slow, almost gentle. He knew she’d be confused by the extreme effects, her mind and body suddenly shrouded in heaviness. He felt her relax more against his hold, but her lips still moved with his, her tongue daring his to join hers. So he did.

“Dracula,” She called when he’d pulled away. Her eyes were heavy, but not closed. Her brow was creased, confusion clear on her features. Her hands held onto the lapels of his suit jacket, keeping herself upright.

“The kiss of a vampire has an opioid effect. It’ll wear off soon.” He informed her, pushing a strand of hair off her face.

“Vampire?” She asked, eyes searching his face.

“Yes, my dear. I am a vampire.”

He studied her face closely. Her reaction was slow, but visible. She blinked rapidly, straightening her back as she tried to disconnect herself from him. He easily overpowered her lethargic limbs, keeping her in his arms. She didn’t put up a struggle, though that could’ve been the lingering effects of the kiss still.

“A real vampire? Like you suck blood?”

He chuckled at her questions. Her face was scrunched into an adorable expression as she fought to clear her head against the fog.

“Yes, that is part of it.” He supplied, letting his finger dance along the trim of her dress and the delicious dip of her cleavage. She accepted the touch, settling into his arms once again.

“What’s the other parts?” She dared to ask. Her boldness was attractive, her will strong like her beating heart.

“I’m going to taste you.” He whispered against her lips, catching the delicate moan she released. “Drink you over time. Make you last.” He touched his lips to hers again, but didn’t try to progress the kiss any further. He needed her to remain somewhat coherent. “And then I’m going to make you my bride.”

Elena stared at him for a long moment, her palms flat against his chest. The moment that recognition hit her, he could see it splashed across her features, her eyes going to his unmoving chest.

“You’re not breathing…” There was panic in her tone while her hands searched his upper torso for that elusive thrum of life. “There’s no heartbeat either.”

“I told you, my dear. I’m a vampire. We possess no such thing.” He soothed, enjoying the frantic touch of her hands on his body too much. “You’ll get used to it.”

“Used to it? You aren’t going to kill me?” She asked dazed. It was clear that the sudden revelation and the haze of his kiss still had a hold on her. But even with it all, she wasn’t panicking. Her pulse remained steady. And what he found most interesting of all was that her aroused state only heightened, her aroma practically eclipsing her natural scent.

“Oh, my darling Elena…I’m going to give you life.” He assured her, tapping on the flesh of her neck. “Will you let me do that?”

He could see the reluctance in her face, see the real fear that lived beneath the surface. He wasn’t surprised by it. But she was a different pedigree than the mortals he’d propositioned before. And he knew she’d join him. He’d have it no other way.

“Will it hurt?”

Dracula grinned at her, pleased with her gradual acceptance. “No, I won’t let it.” He said as he bent down to the crook of her neck and moved the chain of her necklace up and out of the way. “You give your consent then? Give your consent for me to take a part of you and carry it with me forever?”

Her agreeance was an important factor to him. It made the blood of those taste so much better, their flavor tailored just for him. It was the addiction he’d been seeking for years and only one in every hundred years seem to materialize. He was going to savor Elena, savor every aspect of her. And then, when she had joined him in eternity, he was going to have her fully.

“Yes.”

He growled and felt the beast start to take hold. The predator began to emerge as his eyes became laser-focused on her pulsing neck, his fangs appearing as saliva filled his mouth. He embedded himself into the smoothness of her flesh, feeling the overwhelming spill of iron splash his tongue and lips. She tasted better than he’d imagined. She was sweet and savory, tickling his taste buds and fueling his insatiable appetite. The immediate gratification hit his insides, sending him soaring with adrenaline. She became one with him as he lapped at her, careful not to overdo it. She tangled her fingers in his hair, tugging at the strands as his lips pulled from her. A moan penetrated the air, the sound like the finest symphony he’d ever heard.

He reunited with her in the place he’d sent her, the red tinted sky illuminating the dead trees that surrounded them. She looked frightened and he immediately reached for her hands, soothing her with his touch.

“Am I dead?” She asked, eyes trying to take in her surroundings.

“No, my dear. You’re with me.” He cradled her cheek, forcing her to meet his gaze. She seemed to calm at his touch, her lips lifting in a slight smile.

“You’re drinking my blood.” Her eyes rolled into the back of her head slightly, her body leaning heavily into his.

“Yes.” He confirmed, caressing her cheek and coercing her to open her eyes. “Are you in pain?” He asked, searching her features for any sign of discomfort.

“No. It feels…amazing.”

Dracula grinned as she blinked up at him, her words making him feel more alive than he had in the past five hundred years.

“Come, darling…” He reached for her hand, pulling her gently with him. “I’ve got so much more in store for my future bride.”

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[thedeaditeslayer]

The Cool Side of My Pillow Interview: A Trip Inside the Mind of Bruce Campbell.

When you mention the name Bruce Campbell, the first thing that readily springs to most people’s minds is the boomstick toting, chainsaw-wielding final guy of the Evil Dead franchise, Ash Williams. However, for some of his fans, he will be forever linked with the Harvard educated, resourceful bounty hunter, Brisco County, Jr. Then, of course, there will be those devotees of Burn Notice that will be quick to let you know that Sam Axe, the ex-Navy Seal with a love of Mojitos and Tommy Bahama shirts is their guy because we all know, “Chuck Finley is forever.” For those of you that have never had the pleasure of watching the inventive spy show, Chuck was Sam’s alias that he would use as a cover on certain operations. The mere fact that Bruce Campbell is a part of three vastly different fandoms says quite a bit about his ability as an actor as well as his likeability quotient.

A headliner on the convention circuit for years, the minute he is announced as a guest, tickets go flying out the door and venues sell out. Campbell understands what the people want and he is more than willing to give it to them which is why most promoters clamor to book him. His Q & A sessions are legendary and audiences love the way he sarcastically banters with them. In addition to being an accomplished actor, director and producer, Bruce is also a New York Times bestselling author with four books under his belt. If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of a B-Movie Actor, Hail to the Chin: Further Confessions of a B-Movie Actor, Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way and his soon to be released, The Cool Side of My Pillow.

His latest book is a collection of essays or as he would say, “rants.” This venture is unlike any of the previous mentioned titles and perhaps his most personal effort to date. In a sense, you get to take a trip inside Campbell’s mind. He expresses his feelings and opinions on a variety of topics from current events and social media to his code of ethics. I was fortunate enough to chat with Bruce about The Cool Side of My Pillow, and his future projects. After reading his book, you come away with the knowledge of how genuine and thoughtful he is which is refreshing in this day and age.

Diabolique: What I like so much about The Cool Side of My Pillow is your honesty. Your writing style makes the reader feel as if they are having an intimate conversation with you. You don’t hold anything back. There are certain aspects in the book which made me feel a tad uncomfortable because you shared some information that was deeply personal, in my mind. I don’t know if I would have included some of the things that you did.

BC: Oh, sure. You always have to decide where you stop. Where is the line? For me, it depends on the type of book. It depends on the type of subject matter. Every project is different.

Diabolique: Were some of the subjects you tackled cathartic for you?

BC: I don’t normally do that sort of stuff. I’m happy to share if I feel something is useful. In the chapter, “What Are You On?” I’m not ragging on people who have habits. I have habits that was the point. There are very few people that just go through their daily life without jacking themselves up, knocking themselves down, knocking themselves out, you know? So, its kind of amazing. The human condition fascinates me.

Diabolique: “A Little Effort Goes a Long Way” is one of my favorite segments. A tale of hard work, ingenuity and perseverance. Which is key to succeeding in the entertainment industry. Where does your drive come from? Some people can pinpoint it to relatives, a mentor…

BC: I do attribute some of it to the Detroit metro area. A lot of my buddies worked on the line, they worked in the factories, it was a great summer job that paid really good money. In Detroit, it was weird. There weren’t a lot of discussions about hopes and dreams. But I could see things happen incrementally that encouraged us. My grandfather worked for ALCOA Aluminum for over 40 years. Would he want to do that job? Was it his favorite job? He wouldn’t even know; it was his only job. He had that job for his whole adult life. My dad wanted to be a painter. I call him a “go betweener” because he didn’t do exactly what he wanted to do but he didn’t do what he didn’t want to do. He got into advertising because it was sort of creative but it wasn’t creative enough so he got into community theater which was more creative. That filled a very strong niche for him and so he kind of straddled the line and then I came along. He allowed me to pretty much do whatever the hell I wanted to do in whatever industry I wanted. He was the first investor in Evil Dead. So, I benefited from the transition of ONLY having drive. Meaning, you just go to work, it doesn’t matter what the job is. The next generation is, “Well, the job kinda matters.” My generation is, “The job matters a hundred percent,” because it determines what you’ve decided to do with your life. So, I am grateful for having enough drive but grateful for being injected with enough freedom of thought to then do my own thing. Partly the drive is the Midwest because you put a tie on, put your sport coat on and you go to work. Get your briefcase, shine your shoes and off you go.

Diabolique: Do you think it is important if you want to be in the arts to have a benefactor? Not necessarily monetarily but someone who encourages you like your dad?

BC: Well, my mom did sort of amateur writing so she was sympathetic at least to that side of the arts. She liked that creative side. My dad was way more interested in acting. So, I saw him in plays and stuff. I definitely benefitted because I had a sensibility that was similar to my dad. My two older brothers could give a shit about acting. They never touched it. I think my dad saw, “Hey, the young guy likes acting just like me.” That was probably an advantage.

Diabolique: Another thing about that particular section that is fascinating to note is your resourcefulness. The anecdote that you recount about having to come up with a way to deliver newspapers in a horrendous snowstorm and the lengths that you went to just to do your job is inspiring. I feel like that isn’t something that would be done by the younger generation, these days.

BC: We were pre-slackers and again, this isn’t to sound like a crabby, old guy on a hill shouting down about the great old days, at that time there were no other options. Our boss dropped off these papers at the top of a hill. That was as far as his van could go. He dumped the whole thing on me and my brother. We delivered them together (the resolution involved Bruce donning hockey skates and a toboggan). So, we thought okay. There was no option of saying, “Dude, I can’t do it. They’re just not going to get their papers today.” That would be the current response. You would wait until the roads were plowed, like that night, and then you would get your damn paper the next day and you’d end up getting two papers. It wasn’t an option. There was nothing in my upbringing that said, you can tell your boss, no. Now, if I thought it would have been very dangerous or life threatening, I probably would have said, no but short of that, there was a slightly different mentality in the air. You did what you were fucking told, for the most part which is a little bit different now.

Diabolique: “The Princess Di Factor” was a thought-provoking chapter because you talk about the click-baiting, disinformation and too much information that occurs on social media. Some of your peers have their PR reps handle their feeds but you are very present in yours. Do you think someone who is interested in getting into show business has to obtain “influencer” status?

BC: I think there is certainly pressure to do it. The old actors when they were doing a film could get away with telling the local studio, “By the way, I don’t do social media.” They say, “I’ve never done it. I don’t have a Twitter feed. I’m not starting now.” They can get away with it. But a younger thespian has a website and at least two or three social media platforms. I think its important to get a distinction of what are using them for? Facebook is all mercenary. Whenever I post, its just for a link to get tickets. I just do that to keep the account warm but I won’t add to it. That one is really inflammatory. They are finally starting to take the misinformation down. It should just be illegal. The stats are mind boggling. Something like 65% of the people who refuse to do social distancing and stuff like that get their information from YouTube. Its not news sources. Its like the Wild West. I think it needs to be settled. I would introduce journalistic standards and practices where by if you tell a little white lie, you get yanked and if you get fact checked and the facts say you’re wrong, that gets yanked.

Diabolique: At the beginning of your book, you discuss the toll of COVID-19 isolation and changes to the convention and motion picture industries. After presenting the Ashland Independent Film Festival awards virtually, do you think conventions might go that route in the future? San Diego Comic Con has gone entirely online which is surprising. Galaxy Con is another.

BC: If we don’t straighten this out, yeah. Sports are going to be weird for a while. Large venues are just going to be strange. How are you going to figure out the San Diego Comic Con? How are they going to make people feel comfortable jamming 125,000 people over a four-day period into that convention center which is already elbow to elbow and unhealthy? I don’t know. I’ve talked to promoters about a bunch of different things. I’m doing a Drive-In tour. Also, some theaters have opened up again so I am going to encourage and reward that so I have added five theater dates for later this summer: Austin, Dallas, Houston, Oklahoma City and San Antonio. I’m getting back out on the road. This is not a tour year at all but when I heard that drive-ins were making a comeback, I thought let me be part of that. Some of them are struggling to open and I want to help. I’m tired of being on the sidelines. I want to get back into it. Drive-ins are perfect. You’ve got your distance. I can go up to cars and hassle them and there’s no problem. I can shine my flashlight in the cars, see if people are having sex, there’s a lot of fun stuff we can do. I want to be the first guy they meet when they come into the place to park. I want to be the guy that parks everybody. It’s time. Everyone wants to feel normal again. Eat the meatloaf sandwich. Going to the drive-in is the oldest meatloaf sandwich you could ever eat. Bring the hooch. Hide it under the seat. Bring a cooler, bring your reefer…

Diabolique: In The Cool Side of My Pillow, you mentioned that you were going to attend San Diego Comic Con, New York Comic Con and the 2020 Electronics Expo which were all canceled due to the pandemic. Were you going to promote the Evil Dead game?

BC: That’s what I was going to do. That’s what I was going to those conventions for.

Diabolique: What’s the status on it?

BC: I have been looking at and approving a bunch of new stuff. They are full-fledged, full bore into it. I think they are talking 2021 for an actual release. Its rolling along, looking great. It got delayed because of the nightmare of video games. Platforms change and evolve. You look at somebody else’s games and go, “Shit! We have to change everything now.” We have to stay current. I have to finish doing the voice work.

Diabolique: I know you are aware of all the rumors surrounding potential work in the future. You even mentioned in your book that you had a few offers. Is there a possibility that you might show up in Doctor Strange 2 and Mall Rats 2?

BC: The Kevin Smith thing could happen if it all winds up together but we haven’t had serious conversations about it. For Dr. Strange, everyone is at the mercy of what Marvel is going to do and this backlog of movies they’re going to do now. So, I think it won’t be until 2021. Marvel has to figure this all out. They have to figure out what movies they are going to do next, what movies they are going to delay, what movies they are going to shit can, what movies they are going to advance and speed up…the marketplace is ever fluid.

Diabolique: Do you have a release date in mind for The Cool Side of My Pillow?

BC: I have to say summer. We’re blasting away. We’re finishing graphics and photos and all that. We’re doing some legal crap. I’m starting a publishing company too. Tartan Media is going to release it. It will be my Campbell clan logo. It will be just to put things out. Movies, TV shows, whatever. That’s the new shingle.

Diabolique: Is there anything else on the horizon?

BC: Because the book isn’t going through Simon & Schuster, they’ll kind of have to find it where they find it. I’ll tweet about it. It will hopefully be available later this summer through Audible. I am going to do the audio book myself within the next two weeks because I want the e-book and the audiobook to come out at the same time. That way it gives you a choice. I want this to be a summer read.

Diabolique: Any updates on Bruce vs Frankenstein?

BC:  With Bruce vs Frankenstein, I talked with Mike Richardson, who is my partner on this and we’re going to start with a graphic novel. So, I am going to adapt the screenplay. We’re going to put that out first so people in the industry can get a better sense of it. Mike has been selling a lot of projects to Netflix and he said that’s kind of the way to go with his material and fantasy stuff so he suggested we do that first. We’ll get a great artist, sell it in comic book form, people can totally see it and as a director, its kind of like doing storyboards. It’s a tremendous amount of extra prep that I can do just by going through it because I actually have to think about pages, panels and descriptions. It’s a format that’s not my normal format. Screenplay format, I can fart, I got that down. This is different with the way it looks on the page so it will be a very interesting translation process.

Diabolique: Are you doing any projects outside of Tartan Media?

BC: There’s this movie, 18 ½. It’s directed by Dan Mirvish. He’s with Slamdance. The story is about the missing minutes of the Nixon tapes and what happened to those minutes. Originally, I got hired to play a character in the movie and I couldn’t do it for a number of reasons and then the guy came back and asked if I would play Nixon.

Diabolique: So, the audience will just hear you?

BC: Yes. Apparently, it’s this 18-minute-long fight scene where you will hear Nixon in the background. Ted Raimi comes into play Alexander Haig and Jon Cryer is playing Haldeman. We did all these sessions over Zoom and we each recorded them separately (saying this in Nixon’s voice) having our conversations. They will put it all together and put it in the background.

Diabolique: Anything new to report on Evil Dead?  

BC: The official name is Evil Dead Rise. We’re getting a new draft in. I don’t think anything will happen until 2021. Full bore ahead, we’re very excited about it. A whole, new ballgame. No more cabin in the woods.

#Bruce Campbell #The Cool Side of my Pillow

[trepidatious]

(   natalia  dyer  &  alexandra daddario   )   bopping  along  to  vanilla twilight  by  owl city  is  vienna schuyler  ,  the  twenty-one  year  old  cisfemale  thrown  back  to  their  sports journalism  days  with  none  of  her  memories  .  voted  most  likely  to  break  into  area  51  ,  vienna  was  known  for  being  passionate  &  bashful  ,  go  figures  you’d  always  find  them  on  the  ice  rink  ,  but  grew  up  to  be  tranquil  &  withdrawn  .   ✎   kaya  ,  22  ,  she/her  ,  pst  . 

P A R A L L E L S

mia thermapolis ( princess diaries ) , hyuuga hinata ( naruto ) , casey carlyle ( ice princess ) , amy antsler ( booksmart ) , nadine franklin ( the edge of seventeen )

T R O P E S

shrinking violet , grew a spine , adorkable , homeschooled kid , geek , she is all grown up , extreme doormat , the confidant , eyes always averted , nice girl , shy finger twiddling

1 9 8 8 - 2 0 1 0

          born in albany, new york to philip and danielle schuyler, the schuyler twins had been the center of their parents’ world from the moment they took their very first breath. they never had to want for anything and their childhood was often spent in upstate new york, visiting a family cabin during the holidays. it was those winter adventures that inspired vienna to pick up her first pair of skates, wanting to join the teens who’d she see skating across a frozen lake. at first she stumbled through, barely being able to keep herself upright, but by the end of the holidays she had mastered how to glide across the frozen landscape. after that it was only a matter of time before she started begging for lessons which inevitably lead to small competitions and private coaching.

          after developing a familiar routine on and off the ice, her parents getting transferred to bellevue, washington caused the schuyler family to move across the country and a seed of doubt to be placed in vienna’s head. while at first apprehensive that her ice skating career would never get to see the light of day, her nerves were quick to dissipate once she joined a local rink and continued her budding career as a skater. homeschooled so she could have time for her private coaching, vienna never got to socialize with others her age, often sticking to the sidelines and offering shy smiles to her fellow competitors. instead her downtime was spent alone, although sometimes in the company of her twin, as she binged movie franchises from star wars to lord of the rings.

             by the time she was a freshmen in high school, most of her summers were spent in san diego for a weekend, attending comic con whenever the dates didn’t coincide with her skating life. socially inept with no skills other than skating, vienna’s parents made it a point for her to attend a university like them, not believing that their daughter’s skating career would be enough to keep her afloat despite the success of her international junior career. vienna found herself reluctantly agreeing, being too timid to argue and chose to join rvu knowing her old coach from new york had moved down to california.

            a wallflower entering university, attempting to make friends and being in a school setting had felt like a rug being pulled right from under her. in her classes she was hardly acknowledged, only having her presence known whenever she was paired up for a group project. without the private tutor she was used to having her whole life, class settings were often spent with her lost in thought, filling her mind with daydreams of the future and random thoughts about whatever film she had watched the night prior. even when confronted outside of class, she’d often have a soft tone with whoever she was talking to, her eyes cast down as if she was only a few minutes away from stuttering. when you did notice her, it wasn’t uncommon to find a beginning of a blush forming on her face, a nervous smile becoming her default expression whenever interacting with someone.

            stretched thin with her studies and unable to qualify for the 2009 u.s. nationals championship, it was common knowledge within the skating community that vienna would still continue training during the current cycle of competitions instead of participating. skipping most of the major international competitions, she instead put her energy and skills into having a set of polished routines ready for the 2011 circuit. but with her degree being in sports broadcasting, espn had invited her to be a co-commentator for the 2009 world championships held in los angeles. with the conversation being about a topic she knew like the back of her hand, her commentary came fluidly and her usually bashful nature was nowhere to be seen as she observed the performances before her. with that attempt successful, it was no surprise that she was invited to vancouver to once again commentate on the competition.

2 0 1 0 - 2 0 2 0

            graduating from rom valley university in 2010, she became a paid intern at espn, attending different competitions whenever she wasn’t competing in them. the internship only lasted a year, with her putting her broadcast career on pause to focus full-time on the 2014 olympic circuit. the next few years passed by in a breeze with her getting silver at the 2013 u.s. nationals and sixth place in the world championship, earning the united states a third spot in the olympics. during the 2014 u.s. championships, vienna placed first in the short and free programs, winning the national title and securing a spot on the u.s. olympic team. the rest of her career followed similarly, with her once again competing and placing in world’s as well as winning a bronze team medal in the 2018 olympics.

            before the throwback to 2010 happened, vienna had taken another pause in her competitive career, having suffered a stress fracture that put her out of commission. however, as a now internationally decorated medalist, she found herself returning to her broadcast roots, once again commentating at the different competitions and being interviewed on numerous talk shows. throughout her years post-graduation, she had kept in touch with a few people but for the most has kept to herself, preferring her own company over any amount of people. now able to turn on her charisma in situations non-related to skating, she had found herself content with where she was in life, with her days of smiling bashfully at the ground long gone, instead being replaced with confidence.

Q U I C K  F A C T S

unfortunately she’s one of the few who DOES NOT remember anything after 2010

all the self-growth and confidence she developed post-graduation??? long gone and home girl doesn’t even realize it sdfghj

definitely still a bashful mess who is avoiding eye contact whenever possible but hey, she’s definitely approachable and currently lacks the ability to be rude to anyone

doesn’t realize the whole marvel cinematic universe becomes as big and major as it is now so if anyone spoils anything she’d either think they’re an oracle of sorts or a secret writer for the mcu

she’s the biggest nerd and fan girl like i saw a few actors/oscar winners on the taken list and if any of your muses were a part of a marvel, lord of the rings, star wars, etc ( if it was at comic con then consider her a fan tbh ) she would have lost her shit being like “i went to school with this person omg” or “my friend is the scarlet witch!!!”

knows random facts about the stars and outer space and probably used to tweet at nasa a lot

her favorite barbie movie is the rapunzel one solely bc homegirl is staring and singing about the stars sdfghjk

probably asked her acting friends to be an extra in whatever movie they’re in

she says it as a joke but one of those “ get me in the movie. jk.... unless ????”

believes aliens are real and probably talked about it in 2010 and in 2020

like her theories about area 51??? and the government???? she could talk about them for days tbh

avoids drugs like the plague. will not even be anywhere where there’s weed smoke bc she’s scared it’ll pop up on her drug test bc she’s a paranoid dumb lil bean

probably doesn’t really drink that often but when she does it’s tito’s vodka

big nerd who speaks sindarin, can read aurebesh, and can somewhat speak togruta despite the limited amount of words that are known

named after the billy joel song and proud of it

ANYWAYS PLS PLOT WITH ME !!!!! my discord is medieval 4loko gang#5402 but feel free to hmu on here <3

i have a stats page here and wc page here !!!

but also come check out her pinterest board here

#again:intro #honestly?? i hate this #but what can u do dfghjk

[violet-sabres]

Some quick observations re: TROS and some "reylo"musings (spoilers)

- the editing removed A LOT of emotional pay-offs for so many scenes. The decorations and actors change quickly, a bit randomly - in fact it takes a while before this movie finds its tempo and footing. Something weighty happens and no reflection is allowed even in briefest sketch of a reaction. Next scene. Next scene-

- Poe, Finn, Rose and two new female characters were absolutely robbed. Both by the ungodly pace of this movie (there is much potential for scenes that could mean much much more in the whole storyline. As is, they are discarded as soon as they happen). The bond between Finn and Poe got severed in the beginning with some awkward finnrey moments and strange jealousy (was that what it was???) from Poe. I say either carry out the finnrey thread (which was also beautiful actually, though Finn deserves so much better than how she treats him in TROS...) or finnpoe, something which JJ himself built up. Rose should be given an independent arc with no romance involved, or a love interest of her own.

- Rose's infatuation with Finn is never touched. Rose herself is absolutely erased - she is a statist, providing some dialogue with absolutely no weight behind it. JJ treated her terribly - it was his privilege and responsibility to utilize whatever he got from Johnson as he saw fit; but throwing away her potential only underlines the racist sidelining he did to all characters of colour.

- the heteronormativity I can't understand - Finn and Poe are JJs babies after all (and yeah, I know - shareholders...). Why tease hetero relationships for both and STILL leave even them hanging?? Like, he discarded Rose bc first of all racism, second - Johnson's 'leftovers' I guess? Unacceptable. The lady of Poe's was sketched boldly - but still sketched. Her inclusion wouldn't feel so random if Poe wasn't shown to be this randomly emotional abt her all of a sudden. Why now? It felt a bit forced and this is a shame bc she (and Janah, omg Janah...) is super cool. I'd love to read and see way more about all of them.

- Finn and Janah - wonderful rapport, so much empathy and loyalty, they are wonderful together. I definitely could see them together as well - so many threads to explore! There was so much potential to embed meaningful relationships for Finn into the plot. Janah is one of those that felt quite right but deserved more still. She deserves a story of her own. Not for the first time it is a secondary character of colour who carries so much potential and substance and gets sidelined. I dont mind Kylo content btw - but this series was shown to concentrate on 3 people and a villain. Keep to this proportion or perish I say. They didnt keep them and the movie feels unfairly skewed towards the force dyad of Rey and Ren. Hence, robbed. We were robbed of much of quality content here.

- the implication/suggestion that Finn may be Force sensitive held so much promise. I love Finn and Boyega played him with so much passion and dignity. He grew into leadership without pretense or drama, was competent and knowledgeable about the inner workings of the Fleet and found hope he was struggling for. Honestly the problem here is that his prominence was teased to be greater than the actual time and the weight of scenes he was given. This movie should be longer, scene order less abrupt and random - so the characters that were shown to matter in the first part could matter here as well.

- JEDI FINN please. The potential of it was teased - they should scrap some of the scenes and build those kinds of plot points more thoroughly. Finn's arc should be more - but that doesn't mean Boyega played it any other than magnificently. He got what he was given and made it his. I hate that this still means it was not as much as he and Poe deserved it. Same with Rose.

- galactic generals (*husbands) Poe and Finn. It could be marriage, it should be - Isaac played a man in love. I enjoyed this new romantic angle with the spice smuggler lady as well - but it required more buildup. As it was, it made for an awkward and frankly homophobic ersatz for finnpoe plotline of the first and even second movie. I hate wasting the potential of new characters in the movie, and this is what happened here. Also Poe's smuggling past - no previous setup that felt offensive to many bc of its randomness and no previous grounds in existing media. Felt like unnecessary sensationalism here.

- Rey is complicated here. I didnt like her attitude towards Finn and wished for more appreciation of their own idiosyncracies between them. Finn deserved his love (whether romantic or platonic) to be recognized. It was lacking here.

- I loved the fight scenes, the dialogues with Ren that should begin in TFA if they wished for the romance to be acceptably wet up. Driver is so fucking physical and huge, a bit awkward and very strong. To me it was attractive - but to me Kylo always lacked the threat in him when it came to Rey; I know this isnt so for others and respect that.

- Choreography is super effective here, the body work of Rey and Ren is wonderful.

- lighting, the sith locations were one of my favourites

- the creatures - while in the background, theybwere lovely. They made for lusher world out there.

- Palps was eh. Needed for the ending setup, ultimately fell a bit flat. The twist re his endgame would feel better if the whole scene didnt play this fucking quickly.

- the death (you know whose...) is quick and abrupt, passing fleetingly with no real depth or importance. They are rushing to another scene so quickly they forget that if you love somebody enough to accept them fully, this person's death tends to leave some kind of impression. As it is, Rey is hardly the first character robbed of emotional engagement in TROS.

- sigh. Ren. I love to hate him and hate to enjoy him still. Also feeling like a hypocrite bc would I enjoy him if not for my prefernce for how Driver looks like? Would anyone who I respect a bit more than his most fanatical reylo fans? I have no answer really.

I've never seen a character ripped into shreds from so many angles. For incels and dudebros he is a pussy (a lot of girls I know also mentioned that). He is supposedly not cruel enough, not awesome like Vader, whatever.

For others he is a genocidal criminal, and that he is. You can't sidestep Tuanul or his passivity in front of Star Destroyer wiping out whole planets. He is implicated in this genocide - and that scene where he is supposedly mutely watching it from the distance falls flat if its intention was to show he wasn't entirely behind Hux's agenda. He still never stopped him. So yeah, it is obvious that for many he is absolutely undeserving of any empathy, much less a romance plotline with movie's heroine. Especially when the first scenes setting it up were so messed up.

Now I hate the word reylo and I'd rather choke than call myself that. But I did enjoy their enmity and idk love?? towards each other? It should be plotted more consequently and I believe if JJ didn't muck it in tfa people would be a lot less opposed to the whole villain x heroine thing. Nobody opposes it bc of that - it's the torture bed and it's the "whatever I want" line that made so many recoil. It's the absolute lack of coherence at a time where more self awareness was needed from the director of the very first part in the series.

I believe there is a kind of generational divide on topic of their romance. Youve got gen z "antis" who argue about the abuse (and have a lot of good point more reylos should think hard and long about) - and mostly adult to older women (this includes older milennials also!) who grew up steeped in gothic romanticism that, up to gen z growing up, was a dominant romance paradigm in the West.

Youve got your Wuthering Hills, your Pride and Prejudice and Beauty and the Beast. I hate it. I absolutely abhor it, and the more the reylo fandom hammered their whole relationship from this angle, the more I was distancing myself. I believe the whole genre is steeped in toxic masculinity and yes, you can look at reylo from this angle as well - and I understand that when you saw those scenes from TFA, and didn't feel convinced by entirely paradoxal romance teasers (bc JJ mixed them both in equal measure, and thus killed wide enthusiasm for reylo for good) then what happened in TLJ and TROS must look like the embracing toxic hetero romance in entirety. And to some degree it is - entirely by JJs fault. The other elements that you mightve ignored in tfa suddenly get amplified in tlj, in tros and youre left wondering why the hell Kylo Ren could ever be seen as romanceable?

But the thing is, while the analogy of angry white male pursuing a pure young woman seems fitting, it doesnt work for me here. I also acknowledge that it may be in part bc I'm used to the gothic paradigm, attracted to Driver as Ren and feeling safe and assured that Rey would stay herself despite whatever he wanted from her (and she did in my opinion, she never caved even when she loved him). Kylo is white, and he is aggressive - he is a villain, he tortures and hurts Poe and Finn and plays psychological games with Rey, he shouts a lot and is very physical, which in itself looks threatening.

All those could end up somewhat accepted bc he is a villain - people will accept the consequent villain, or paradoxical one done with self- awareness on side of their creator. JJ was absolutely unaware of what a mess he did I bet - the worst elements that crossed "reylo" off the list for so many people I'd argue were first sown by JJ himself in paradoxical chase of I tease this-now I don't. Here's what I mean.

It was JJ who put Rey on that horizontal torture bed, even when Poe's was upright. It was JJ who had Ren say those gross words abt taking what he wanted. It was also JJ who irreaponsibly and paradoxically played with symbolism normally reserved for gothic princes DESPITE the gross elements he himself planted - the mask going off to reveal a goofy Disney prince, the crouching so as not to scare her, the freaking bridal carry, the humanizing via showing Ren's vulnerability. I actually hated some of those scenes - I loved the face reveal no lie, but what followed was unacceptable. Why style your villain this lush and vulnerable when you're shooting your own foot a few minutes after, with dialogue that had whole groups of young women discard him as trash? Why not polish your villain with more self awareness so that the ground for the romance is understood and cautiously accapted?

So youve got an internally cracked TFA that for some was obviously teasing reylo but for others made it unacceptable forever. This is one hell of a difficult mix to continue with and I believe if JJ was given the 2nd part to work with, perhaps he might be able to somehow work with Ren so that TLJ wouldnt feel like slap to the face to those who saw mostly the worst parts of Ren that JJ himself designed. Perhaps he would also polish the romance teasers or got rid of them altogether, idk. TROS shows that while he was eager to discard anything that Johnson had put into motion, he chose to leave reylo content still. This is really paradoxical to me, today as it was back then.

Now reylo isnt super mainstream - if he got rid of it, it would surely anger a lot of people but also satisfy an equal amount of others. Yet he chose not to and I'd argue it is because he planned for reylo to happen from the beginning, just in a shitty way we first witnessed in the worst scenes of TFA.

I'll also argue another point - if Johnson was given the saga from the beginning, reylo wouldnt be nearly as much hated and regarded as abusive for so many. It is this particular humanization of Kylo that was criticized by so many that would protect the 1st part from that torture bed, and from taking whatever Kylo wanted. As it was, when all this sudden humanity followed JJs paradoxical mess, only opposition could come bc it kind of must - it looked for many as woobifying somebody who was already irredeemable. The irony is that JJ probably never planned for this - maybe he thought he could pull this off, somehow work out the agreement between ugly Kylo and Kylo worthy of Rey. Johnson just put a fat line between TFA and his own vision, and irresponsibly ignored all the ugly heritage that should be better worked on if he ever hoped to rectify JJs paradoxes. He didnt do this and thus the mess.

I dont know if it would ever be possible though. Perhaps theres been a shift in ethics, in aesthetics even, so big that for the gen Z this kind of relationship is unacceptable. I dont see anything bad in this - even if I enjoyed a lot of reylo's potential, there will be better content, better romances done by those kids who despise reylo now as well. Meanwhile I plan to stay on this weird pole stuck deep into my ass between reylo enthusiast and haters bc I cant for shit choose a side fully.

Bc I dont see the abuse this clear cut - but am also unsure how much of it is my cultural baggage, the history of normalizing toxic masculinity etc. I bet it's both to some degree, like with all gothic romance genre, - and that there wouldnt be this whole rift at the heart of tfa without toxic masculinity normalization at all. Without it there would be no torture bed and no threats. And the irony is that Johnson would probably see to that better. But not as good as a woman behind the camera to begin with - if you want a heroine at its heart that is.

Like, you can see JJs initial vision as pretty homogenous - the bed, the words, and ignore all the paradoxical romance symbolism in there. You can also look at it as fractured and absolutely lacking coherence, and fish for the elements youd like to stay in next parts. I welcomed Johnson bc he took the best in Kylo and left JJs mess behind. This is also the very reason youre gonna hate the TLJ if TFA felt coherent for you. Bc you cant ignore that which felt threatening and cruel and very much obvious.

I have no easy recipe at dealing with this saga. I cant throw my weight behind reylo fully, ever, but will cautiously accept the potential it could have should it be more coherently written. I love so much of art and those fics that are in line with my wishes towards how Ren should be done from.the beginning.

When I was considering what to.think abt all that, back in the beginning, I didnt want for Rey to cater to emotional demands and baggage of an aggressive male, and I believe she actually doesnt - time and time again she asserts herself, maybe messily but she has the right to her anger and pain so the messy it has to be. She is shown to hope for him becoming better - and isnt manipulated or groomed to do so, and if loneliness was the only reason to stick to him then any other person would suffice, which isnt the case. She is loyal to the cause to the end and happily carries on despite Ren dying, even if it's clear she loved him. She is her own woman and the magnitude of his emotions, the physicality of his behaviour hardly influence her - she neither cowers before Kylo nor caters to him, ever. I love her for this, actually.

So there you have it, my messy thoughts on both TROS and 'reylo' dynamics. I cant say Im satisfied with both. There could be more, Ren could be fleshed out better in the beginning. The potential of so many characters was left undeveloped. I dont feel satiafaction even with elements I loved abt reylo bc there is no counterpart in other aspects I hoped to see developed. I wanted Rey to have more time with Finn, for Finn to have more time with Poe, for Rose to matter in tros as well. I wanted more of Rey and Leia, and for Ren to have more coherence to his character. Ultimately I got crumbs and some bits unable to be stomached.

Go and watch tros, stay in the place of engaging with this series that feels best to you, closest to your needs abd perceptions. Tros will not satisfy anyone in full, also bc of editing and the pacing - which is terrible. Reylo will either frustrate you or frustrate you for entirely different reasons. Dont take JJs shit, dont take Johnson's. Take from the saga whatever works for you.

I dont think it's possible to fully embrace reylo, without reservations. There are grounds for the so called antis to point out the toxic masculinity and potential for abuse. There are tropes suggesting romance despite this still, all in just TFA. It was a mess from the very beginning and it's normal people took sides.

I'm just glad it's finally over.

#tros spoilers #sw spoilers #return of jedi spoilers #reylo

[atsixesandcevans]

you keep me holding on

Summary: The nights were always the hardest. 

Pairing: Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago

Word count: 2.8k

Warnings: angst, fluff, mentions of suicide, Jake having a hard time in prison and literally the most cliché ending ever

A/N: so I originally posted this to AO3 like 2 years ago and honestly I completely forgot about it until today when i went to cross-post my past works here... it starts off canon-divergent and then becomes convergent bc s5e2 came out so. Title comes from Holding On by Simple Plan. Hope you enjoy :)

Read on AO3

The nights were always the hardest.

During the day, he could distract himself – with books, basketball, increasingly disturbing conversations with Caleb – but during the night, all he had were his thoughts, disturbed only by the echoed screams of another inmate’s nightmare, the uneasy squeak of the mattress springs underneath him, the rhythmic thud-thud-thud of the guard’s boots on concrete as he patrols the cells.

And nights like these, the nights after visiting day, were the worst of all.

Prolonged periods – three weeks to be exact – without Amy here meant that Jake could develop coping strategies; the pictures on his cell wall, the endless lists of what he’ll do when he finally gets out of here, but on visiting day…

Jake had thought that those days would be a relief, a sort of respite from his invasive thoughts, and they are – until Amy leaves. Because when she leaves, the deep-set sense of longing he feels is increased tenfold, and the twenty-second touching time allowed is suddenly nowhere near enough, and instead of thinking about the endless possibilities of what he could do when he gets out, he thinks about the endless things he can no longer do, didn’t get the chance – and now may not ever get the chance – to do.

His longing is helped by the recent addition of Jake’s illegal phone, but even with that, one of them has to end the conversation; whether it’s Amy being called away for a case, or Jake being summoned for mealtimes, their conversations are never enough and always disjointed and sporadic and tainted with certain tenseness and apprehension stemming from the overarching fear – fear of being caught, fear of being targeted by the countless prisoners that Jake himself had put away, fear of never catching Hawkins and having to spend a full fifteen years apart with only hour-long visits once every three weeks.

It’s these fears that Jake finds invading his thoughts late every night, on visiting days in particular, but it’s also everything Jake misses. Trivial things, mostly, like Die Hard and orange soda and Sal’s Pizza, but it’s the other things that dominate his mind. The way Amy’s skin feels against his, how safe he felt in her arms, even down to just how much he loves her, in ways he’s never loved anyone else before, and the way he’s so sure of how much she loves him, despite everything. Despite the separations, the difficulties and the differences they’ve managed to overcome, there’s also the milestones they’ve reached and things they’ve achieved, that they’ve achieved together.

What he wouldn’t do just to be together with her again, just to be near her, to feel her warmth radiating beside him as they watch Friends and Grey’s Anatomy reruns on TV late into the night, or to be sat at his desk at the precinct and glance up at her sat opposite him, the brand-new ‘Sgt. Amy Santiago’ name plaque sat pride of place next to the phone, only to find her already looking at him, an almost shy smile gracing her lips, one he returns, cheeks remaining warm with absolute contentedness even as he goes back to doing his work, safe in the knowledge that he has her, and she has him, and that that was all he needed to keep him grounded.

Sometime around his fourth month in prison, the night before Amy’s sixth visit, Jake had had a Bad Night.

He doesn’t use the mental capital letters lightly – after all, as far as he’s concerned, every night in prison is a bad night. But this particular night was Bad. Everything that could happen during a nine-hour period in a prison did happen, each event seemingly worse than the one before including, but not limited to, his phone being found, confiscated and destroyed by the guard on duty, another inmate hanging himself, and a fight in the cafeteria which the cop in Jake had tried to break up, but ended up being dragged into.

He tried to be happy and cheerful as he usually was when visiting time rolled around, but he just couldn’t muster the energy, and the bruised cheek and split lip made it hard to form any kind of convincing smile.

Amy noticed this change in him – of course she noticed, she’s an amazing detective-slash-genius, not even detective RightAllTheTime can fool her into thinking everything is just hunky dory and exactly how they ought to be. In any case, Amy tried her best to keep the conversation light and away from heavy topics like death and the overarching, boundless topics of Guilty On All Charges and Fifteen Years In Prison, and Jake loved her even more for it – if that was even possible at this point – but Jake just didn’t have it in him.

The visiting period ended just the same as it had every other time; they hugged for as long as the guard would allow, gave each other watery smiles full of longing, and reluctantly parted ways; Jake back to his cell or the yard or the library or whatever he was doing before going to see Amy, and Amy back to her car, where she would sit for five, ten, sometimes fifteen minutes, trying not to cry, and traying even harder to make her muscles move in the way she needed them to in order to leave the prison car park and drive away. Away from him, back to her – their, it was still theirs, she refused to believe otherwise – empty apartment, that was once just as empty, but was suddenly full of life and love and happiness but has now returned to its original state, except she has another person’s things there now, another life living there with her. There were still sneakers and shirts and hoodies strewn everywhere but without him there, it all seemed pointless.

And so, she did what she does when she needs to channel her emotions; she wrote them down. More specifically, she wrote them down in a letter – to Jake. Unlike other occasions, though, she didn’t go back and re-read and edit it to make it as concise and elevated as she could possibly make it. No, she wrote it, folded the paper and sealed it immediately in an envelope which she left on the side table next to the front door, telling herself she’d give it to Jake the next time she visited.

Two days later, they caught Hawkins.

She – and apparently the rest of the squad – had absolutely no idea how Captain Holt knew all that stuff about the pig-rearing but she had to admit, it was a damn smart plan.

Amy could see how she would have idolised Hawkins, just as Rosa had. You know, if she hadn’t framed her boyfriend and her best friend for crimes they didn’t commit and left them with a 15-year prison sentence and become the one person Amy hated more than anyone else on the entire planet.

The Welcome Back celebration at Shaw’s lasted well into the night and when they stumbled home to their apartment in the early hours of the morning, the letter sat forgotten on top of the table, despite them bumping into it and each other repeatedly, refusing to let go of each other out of… what? Relief, at being able to finally touch each other again? Or fear, that they’ll only be ripped apart again, perhaps in a manner even worse than six months undercover, an indefinite amount of time in WitSec, or the prospected fifteen years of only being able to see each other for an hour every three weeks, watched carefully by guards making sure they don’t exceed their touching time?

They remained touching for the entirety of the next day, made infinitely easier by the fact that they had been given the day off and hardly left their bed. They did everything they had both been craving for the months he had been away; they hugged, they kissed, they talked, they loved, and left the world of jail and cells and gangs far beyond the walls of their bedroom.

It was around midday when Jake found the letter.

Amy was dozing, and he felt his stomach rumble, so had gotten up, pulling on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt and wandering into the kitchen, praying that Amy had kept hold of some orange soda and gummy bears, pleased when he found both in the cupboard that was kept exclusively for Jake’s junk food. He was stood in the kitchen, munching and drinking, enjoying the feeling of just being there, being home, when he spotted the creamy white envelope against the deep brown of the dresser. Overcome with curiosity, he went over to see what it was, stopping short when he saw his own name on the front. With a quick glance over his shoulder to check Amy wasn’t up yet, he carefully peeled the flap open and removed the letter from inside to find Amy’s handwriting covering the neatly-folded paper.

 Dear Jake,

 I’m not sure what the purpose of this is. I guess I’m just feeling so much, and this is the best way I know how to unload all of that feeling.

 One of the things that I hoped and prayed prison wouldn’t take away from you was your liveliness and optimism of life. It was fine for the first few months, then something… changed. Something happened. I don’t know what it was, or why it was, but one visiting day you were your usual self – more tired and run-down, sure, but still you – then the next, you weren’t. You were exhausted, you were banged up… you were struggling. And that made me sad, to see that Jake, my Jake, had had his light taken from him.

Jake felt a small pang of guilt. No one has the right to make her sad. Especially him, who made a silent promise to himself that he would never do that.

 Now, before you try to tell me that you’re sorry, that you didn’t mean to make me sad, that you should’ve tried harder to seem normal that day… don’t. Because it’s not your fault. It’s Hawkins’. It’s prison’s. It’s whoever’s fight you were trying to break up.

He could still feel the dull ache in his ribs where they’d kicked him, the sting of his lip that had nearly completely healed now. Yet that fight feels like a distant memory now.

 That’s why I’m writing this. To tell you that none of it is your fault, that we’re going to get you out, that we’ve been working tirelessly to get you home and back to us. Back to me.

And it worked, they did it, they brought him and Rosa home. He knew they could do it, but still felt shocked when the warden came and told him they’d caught Hawkins. That he could go home.

 Just, hang on in there, okay? Just hold on. We’ll get you out, and we can get things back on track.

 I love you. So, so much.

 Amy xx

His mind wandered to the small, seemingly insignificant velvet-covered box hidden away in the toe of one of his sneakers, somewhere Amy wouldn’t find it, and thought about that their life would be like now if he hadn’t been sent to prison, if they hadn’t have been split apart once again.

Get things back on track.

He knew exactly how to do just that.

Almost two weeks later, everything was finalised.

He and Amy had both managed to get the day off work after spending several days and nights at the precinct working on a particularly tough case that they had finally managed to crack, bringing down a small drug cartel with it.

Jake convinced Amy to agree to go out for dinner, as a ‘celebration’ for solving the case, but refused to tell her where, claiming it to be a surprise.

At exactly 6:55, five minutes before their reservation, they pulled up outside the restaurant, and recognition washed over Amy at the sight of the red awning lit by warm lights; Bouche Manger. AKA the location of their undercover date that ended in two undercover kisses and, eventually, the for realz one the day after.

“Jake, why did you bring us here?” Amy asked, slightly disbelieving, slightly nostalgic.

“Well, I figured that last time we were here, we didn’t exactly get to enjoy it… being undercover and all. Also we gotta get accustomed to French cuisine if we’re gonna take that trip to Paris,” Jake replied with a smile and a wink, before hopping out of the car and running round to the passenger side to open the door for Amy.

They waited at the hostess stand, just as they had before, but this time, the way Amy held Jake’s arm and kissed him on the cheek were for real. They weren’t acting anymore.

They were seated at a two-person table in a different part of the restaurant than before, in a slightly more secluded corner with candles and champagne sat waiting for them on the table.

Conversation and mood remained light throughout the meal, and once they had washed everything down with the last of the champagne and were leaving the restaurant, Jake suggested that they take a walk; the night air was cool but not cold, and the sky was clear, showing various constellations.

They wandered at a comfortable pace for around half an hour, and Amy was about to suggest that they start to head back towards the restaurant when they rounded a corner to another area that was vaguely familiar; a park, at the centre of which was the tree they had hid behind to spy on Augustine when he made the drop. Except, ow the bushes and trees surrounding it were dotted with slowly twinkling fairy lights and lanterns, the grassy floor sprinkled with rose petals.

Amy stared in wonderment at the scene, but when she turned to question Jake, he was on one knee at the base of the tree, something small and cube-like grasped in his hand, rendering Amy frozen.

“Amy Santiago,” Jake started, with a nervous smile. “Ames. I’ve never been good with words or emotions, you know that, but… there are so many things I want to tell you, things I’ve wanted to tell you for god knows how long. Things I thought I wouldn’t ever get the chance to tell you. You are the most… incredible woman, smart, beautiful, and so much better than me that I still constantly ask myself what the hell you’re still doing with me, what you see in me, and I’ve never been able to figure it out, so I began thinking of all the reasons I’m with you.

You make me a better person, both in terms of how I act but also in the things you’ve taught me. Like all that useless grammar stuff you’ve taught me?” they both laughed at this, and Amy’s eyes began to water.

“Do you know what kept me going when I was undercover, in Florida, and in jail?” Amy shook her head slightly and Jake gave her a watery smile full to the brim with adoration. “It was you. The thought of you was what got me through each day in hell, the thought of coming home to you, even when we were just friends. You kept me holding on.

“We’ve been separated more than our fair share of times, and I don’t want to risk that happening again. All I’ve wanted since I got out was to do what I’ve wanted to do for months now.” He finally tore his eyes away from Amy’s and looked down at the box in his hands, opening it to reveal a delicate silver band with in-set jewels that glittered in the warm flickering light of the lanterns. Amy couldn’t help the small gasp that escaped her lips at the sight of it, one hand going to her mouth in a futile attempt to stifle it.

“Amy Santiago,” Jake’s voice cracked a little with emotion and the strength it was taking not to cry. “I love you more than I have ever loved anything or anyone in my life, and I want to spend the rest of my life loving you. Will you marry me?”

All Amy could do was nod, pulling Jake to his feet so she could kiss him, hug him, both finally letting their emotions run free down their faces. Amy felt Jake smiling into the kiss and they pulled away, laughing, while Jake slid the ring over Amy’s knuckle; a perfect fit.

Their lives were finally back on track, and neither could be happier that they’d held on to each other through everything.

The fact was, they made each other better. And even after all this time, he was hers and she was his, and they kept each other holding on.

#jake x amy #jake peralta x amy santiago #jake/amy #jake peralta/amy santiago #peraltiago #peraltiago fanfiction #brooklyn nine nine #b99 #brooklyn nine nine fanfic #peraltiago fanfic #you keep me holding on #beth writes #my fic

[trouvelle]

Time’s Up

A/N: Happy happy happy birthday, @mintchocolateleaves!! This one’s for you boo. I tried to cook it up as fast as I could, to get it posted before the day ends but alas... it’s past midnight and all the magic is gone. Nevertheless, enjoy this one! This isn’t for Emogust though, bc sadly it fits none of the prompts. An AU where Conan is back as Shinichi (Black Org is no more, and stuff and stuff). 

The day is eventually going to come. 

Shinichi knows. He knows that day will come, yet his mind forces itself to erase the thoughts of it. Instead, it’s filled with nothing but false, desperate hope with the image of a beaten, stitched up heart. Shinichi knows. He knows.

His finger plays with the brown hair that he loves touching so much. The smell is intoxicating. Alluring. It’s a smell that belongs to only one person. That one person that means the world to him. That one person that is strikingly similar to a goddess, as she is simply divine and beautifully crafted like an angel. He plants a kiss on her, inhaling the heavenly scent that flutters his heart.

The girl whose head is comfortably resting on his lap lets out a chuckle, voice deep with a texture that makes it one in a million. The girl whose eyes are filled with such powerful emotions that Shinichi couldn’t even describe. Love, he decides. Love, kindness, sincerity, grace, worry, passion, generosity.

Every day Ran makes Shinichi wonder. How someone could always keep a warm, serene smile on her face. Every day, she baffles him.

He wonders why she chooses to stay with him, after years of hiding the truth from her, making her worry, putting her through all the torment. If she’s willing to put his past behind them, then so can he. He can do the same for her and for himself.

They never talk about their lives before he returned as Kudo Shinichi. Only once did she ask for an explanation, and it’s immediately after he revealed himself. He told her everything; about how he’s Conan all along, how Haibara Ai (who’s now around their age) is also another victim of the Organization, how he couldn’t have done it without Hattori and Kaito KID’s help. She’s forgiven him, as always. She can never stay angry at him. She also never wanted to broach the topic ever again.

One time he catches her say, “Remember that haunted inn we went to with Hattori-kun and Kazuha-chan?” when the inn is featured on the television. However, she drops the conversation right after that, the silence reminding him that she was still unwilling to talk.

One thing remains the same, though. 

“I’ll always protect you,” Shinichi whispers. Ran smiles. She knows.

Φ

It’s spring. It’s that time where love sprouts everywhere. It’s that time where flowers bloom beautifully, birds singing their songs and grass turns greener than before. It’s that time where the cherry blossoms bloom, drawing tons of couples towards them like a magnet, wanting them to enjoy the romantic vibe.

There’s this one place. There’s this spot with a lone, abandoned cherry blossom tree. It’s not so far in the small woods behind Teitan High.

Thus, during a break at school, they go to the cherry blossom tree whose grace is only for their eyes. Ran intertwines her fingers with Shinichi’s, showing her loveable smile, the smile that he loves so much.

“I love you,” Shinichi says. He blushes. “With all my heart.”

"I love you too," Ran mutters, looking up at him shyly. "With all my heart."

Φ

It’s that time again, when Ran feels that suffocating feeling in her chest. Her breath hitches, gasping for air while droplets of sweat trail down from her temple towards her chin. It’s those times when Shinichi loses his cool and panic, calling the hospital immediately after each time it happens, each time getting worse and worse.

It hurts him even more that whenever Ran faints, she has no knowledge of what happened before. Almost as if she suffers from a very minor amnesia, yet Shinichi never dares to tell her. He always puts on his practiced smile, saying, “You are just here for a check-up. They had to temporarily put you to sleep, that’s all.”

Ran, naively nods, easily accepting those words. 

Φ

Shinichi has been visiting Osaka more and more often lately. He knows his bond with Hattori has undoubted deepen after everything that has happened. Seriously, he would’ve been a dead man had Hattori not been there to save him.

What he didn’t expect was that he’s going to rely so much on Kazuha as well.

He has been telling Kazuha about what’s been happening to Ran. At first it’s only to update her about Ran’s condition. Shinichi soon finds that he actually enjoys talking to her. To Hattori’s credit, his girl is very insightful and perceptive. Sometimes Shinichi calls her in the middle of the night just to ask her if she has anything to offer him. A handful of times, Hattori is the one to answer his calls.

“We’re NOT doing anything,” he always insists, “Kazuha just fell asleep while studying.”

Shinichi responds with a snort. “Keep that up and you’re gonna get a serious case of blue balls.”

They end up talking too, until Ran stirs in her sleep and Shinichi has to hang up in fear that he might wake her up.

Φ

There are times where Shinichi forgot how nigh Ran’s time is. The moment their lips are locked into a deep kiss, his mind turns blank, concentrating on the now, never thinking of the past or the future. He loves when the familiar, warm hands trace down his sides to his hip bones, tender fingers sliding south until it reaches the spot that makes his body ache for more. He moans out her name each time she sends Shinichi to ecstasy in such sweet, passionate love making. It’s the moment after, with Ran collapsing next to him on the soft mattress and instantly cuddling against the boy, arms protectively wrapped around his body while nuzzling his neck.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” Ran whispers. “I can’t imagine life without you.”

Φ

Shinichi has tried to contact Kaito Kid—whose real identity he and Hattori found out to be Kuroba Kaito, just a kid around their age. But he insists that he’d come to Shinichi when his time is suitable, when he’s accomplished his own goal.

When they finally set up a meeting, Shinichi did ask him, straight to the point: “Have you used the Pandora Gem?”

Kaito’s eyes betray his confident body gestures. “Are you interested in using it?”

Shinichi offers no reply, his only response is his unfaltering stare at the magician. He runs a hand through his hair, a sigh escaping his lips. “I know you’ve found it, and I know you’ve used it.”

Φ

Shinichi walks on the sidewalk, two plastic bags filled with the needed groceries which bump against his legs with each step he takes. He fiddles with his keys as soon as he reaches their apartment. He opens their front door, stepping in with the bags in his hands, happily announcing he is back with a huge grin on his face.

The house is silent, however. Pressure is felt, and Shinichi feels slight numbness in his legs as he enters the living room, eyes widening at the sight of Ran on the ground. Crystal droplets fall immediately, the sound of items falling and rolling on the ground, voice cracks echoing in the room, the only thing coming out from his throat being none other than the name Ran.

Φ

It all happens so fast. Shinichi is promised at least a year more. One year. A year that they will fill with nothing but happiness, that only she can give effortlessly. The sounds of rushed doctors heading towards wherever ring in his ears. Shinichi can only blindly follow them, attempting to wake Ran up with trembling hands and bottom lip.

Ran, Ran, Ran, is all he says.

Ran, Ran, Ran, he keeps on calling, but her face remains the same: lifeless, pale, drained.

Shinichi has never felt so scared, so afraid. He swears he saw a quick, impossible glance of the colour black. The black that Shinichi has feared to acknowledge so many times in his dreams. The black that is the hollow colour of the long robe that belongs to Death, who is perhaps forcing an implausible grin on his literal skin and meatless face.

“No,” Shinichi whispers, furiously shaking his head as he is forced to stay behind when doctors go past certain doors. He falls to his knees, clutching his hair tightly 

No.

Φ

Shinichi has always had his suspicion about Kazuha’s sensitivity towards the supernatural spectrum of the world. If her handcrafted omamori isn’t enough proof, there’s also the fact that she could actually see spirits. A gift from my grandmother, she explains. 

Kazuha has also further said about how Death is real. Another reason why she hates being in a crime scene for too long, she confides in him. Death is always present, always ready to transport the souls of poor victims. Kazuha doesn’t like to look at Death. According to her, Death reeks of hollowness and hopelessness, among other things. 

Shinichi never quite understands her stories and explanations. He believes in science. He doesn’t believe in such things. He believes in what he can see. He doesn’t believe in what the paranormal and supernatural.

This time, he’s sure Death is definitely calling. Death stands there with arms wide open, wanting to welcome Ran and wanting him to see her lifeless body. Shinichi knows Death is patiently waiting in the dark corners of the sickly colored hospital, it being nothing more than an empty white and some hues of probably blue or yellow. Shinichi doesn’t care.

It’s then when a doctor comes out of what Shinichi calls ‘Doors of Death’. The doctor shows him nothing more but a pity look, his mask hiding any signs of lip movement to warn Shinichi of the hurtful words that are about to come out.

Many doctors and nurses walk by them, and some patients in wheelchairs possibly exploring the area or finding their way out to the exit. All of them spare glances at the man who shouts at the doctor, on his knees once again and hands clutched together in a fist, begging.

Φ

Heiji and Kazuha rush to the hospital as fast as they possibly could. Shinichi staggers towards them, his head shaking continuously. “There’s no time.”

“Time’s up.”

Φ

Ran slowly opens her eyes, frowning at the blinding light of white after being out for what felt like an eternity, shielding them with her hand. She is all by herself. She is in a bed, a transparent tube connected and held secured by a thin, white bandage on her left forearm.

Her confused gaze travels from the dull wall in front of her to the window where she can see the outside world, the sky blue and a few clouds present.

Where am I? She wonders. The sound of a constant beeping echo in her ears, and a doctor soon appears in front of her.

“Congratulations, Ran,” he smiles at her. “You barely survived, but you managed.”

Ran frowns even more. “Barely? What do you mean? What happened?”

The doctor’s smile falters, just a little bit. His eyes are tired, dark circles clearly visible and wrinkles showing. “You had a fatal heart attack, Ran,” he starts. “You’ve always had a weak heart condition which seemed to be accelerating in intensity within the past year.”

“You were found unconscious at home. A young man immediately called, and just in time as well.”

“Shinichi?” Ran gasps. “You mean Shinichi?” She sits up, not caring if she is allowed to or not. “What… where is he?”

“Shinichi… he’s headed out somewhere.” Ran’s expression gradually softens at those words. The doctor then hands her tape. “Here,” he whispers. “He told me to give this to you.”

As soon as the small device left the man’s hands, he calmly makes his way out. Confused and curious, Ran rapidly untangles the earphones, pressing the Play button to play the message that is left in it by Shinichi’s voice. Ran smiles, only for it to completely disappear with each word she hears.

Φ

Time is passing by slowly, almost too slowly. Ran tightly squeezes the tape, holding it against her chest as she lies down, numbly shifting on her side, facing towards the window that holds her away from freedom. She slowly opens her mouth, lips trembling and eyes glazed with tears that allow themselves to roll down over the bridge of her nose and her cheek. She feels a painful lump in her throat. A lump that makes swallowing so, so hard. Her head starts to ache, eyebrows finally furrow together after processing what she just read, gritting her teeth and softly shaking her head in denial.

She finally lost it when she heard soft sobs coming from outside her room. She finally lets out a scream, clutching onto her hair and wetting her face with her tears, curling into a ball as agony took full control over her. With loud and hitched sobs, she whispers ‘no’ over and over again.

Φ

The doctor hears the cries coming out of the room. His back leaning against the space next to its respective door, hallways filled with nothing but an eerie silence and a vast emptiness. He quietly turns around, letting his forehead rest against the cold barrier and let his own tears spill. His own heart aches, wanting to rip it out, if only he could.

His nails scratches the walls, hands eventually curling up into a fist and screamed silently, gasping for air as he lets out choked sobs. 

Φ

Ran,

I’m guessing you already know the truth by now. 

I’ve kept you away from the truth, again. Once more, I’ve kept away a secret from you that you deserved to know, yet I always decided to keep my door shut. Not because I think you’re better off not knowing, but it’s ‘cause I never had the guts to. I can’t lose you. Not now, not ever. 

Nothing can come close to describing the happiness I felt whenever you woke up. Who was there to blame for the condition of your heart? I thought I could be your donor, so long as you can continue to wake up. I wish we could have more time together.

I was told that you have a long way to go. At least a year, was what they said. They over-calculated. My biggest mistake was trusting their words. 

Don’t look for me. This time—I promise you—I’m not on a long and deadly case. I’m not shrunken into a grade-schooler either! I’m just... just refer to me as your guardian from now on. Guardian angel, if you wanna push it that way, but Kazuha said guardian angels are not actually angels. 

What you need to know is that I’ve beaten Death. You’ll live, and that’s all that matters to me. I’m always here for you and I’ll always protect you. 

Ran, you know I love you. I always have, and I always will.

Φ

Shinichi told her that he has no choice. He has even looked for the Pandora Gem and actually knows where it is. The current owner of the gem is also willing to lend it to him.

It’s Kaito Kid, he confesses to Kazuha. And Kaito did warn him about the effects of using the gem.

Shinichi knows that Ran wouldn’t want it.

Kazuha has been thinking about this for a long time, hard. She knows if she was to do it, if she could even pull it through, if it would even succeed—Ran is never going to forgive her. But when she puts herself in Shinichi’s shoes, she knows she would do it for Heiji in a heartbeat. Part of her believes that if the situation was reversed, Ran would want to do the same for Shinichi. 

But Shinichi has already had his mind made up. Kazuha looks at him, the boy who has been growing closer to her lately, who she talks to even more than Ran or Sonoko these days. Kazuha stares at him, and he stares back at her through his cloudy eyes.

In the end, he doesn’t even know if he was putting Ran’s happiness first or his own.

#I started writing this with the intention of doing fluff but haha idk what went wrong in my head #enjoy reading this #also i think y'all can guess who the doctor at the end is without me clarifying it #if this is too confusing then owo you can draw your own conclusion #DCMK #Detective Conan #Kudo Shinichi #Mouri Ran #Kuroba Kaito #Kaitou KID #Hattori Heiji #Toyama Kazuha #ShinRan #HeiKazu #ShinKazu #Shinichi x Ran #fic

[sunriseskog]

comethru- Auston Matthews

Request: n/a this was entirely self induglent bc im sad and ive had comethru by Jermey Zucker stuck in my head for weeks

Word Count: 2,267

Warnings: cursing, angst, dudes being assholes, mentions of tr*ding auston

A/N: ive been on hiatus for a long ass time so any feedback is more than welcome!!!! also i am fully aware that i used this gift for my last post but its hot and i dont care

It had been a little over a month since Auston left. No… that’s not quite right. It had been a little over a month since Auston left Toronto. It had been just barely under a month since you had left Auston.

You weren’t entirely sure who the trade surprised more, but you did know for a fact that it had had a far greater effect on you than it had on Auston.

He had remained optimistic in the beginning. After all, Buffalo is barely a 2-hour drive on a bad day. On a good day, he could probably make it in an hour and a half. But the two of you had quickly reached the conclusion that either of you driving 4+ hours a day wasn’t practical, and it wasn’t fair to whoever drew the short end of the stick, pun intended. You knew he would never ask you to move for him, hell even moving in together had been a stretch for you, but you also knew that there was an unspoken expectation that eventually the both of you would relocate closer to the arena.

Before he had even reached the border, you had managed to convince yourself that this short distance relationship would cripple your relationship before you could even begin filling out the US immigration forms to move with him, let alone actually convince yourself to do it. So you backed off. You knew that trying to exhaust what was left of the relationship would only end up destroying you the both of you more than was necessary, so you let go. You knew it wouldn’t take him long to pick up on the fact that you were becoming distant, taking longer to respond to texts, barely calling him back and conveniently timing your responses with the specific intention of him not being able to pick up. You may have been stupid, but you sure as hell weren’t subtle. You knew that as long you were the bad guy in the scenario, it wouldn’t take him nearly as long to get over you, and as long as you remained in control of the situation, you knew that you’d come out of the tail end of things perfectly fine.

And you were. You were absolutely, positively fine. But that was all you were. You weren’t good or great or doing well, you were just… fine. You were off-kilter, sure, but you were surviving, and that was honestly all you had come to ask of yourself. You were sure that the other shoe would drop soon enough, you had ridden the high and now you were at the plateau, but the comedown seemed to always be lurking around the corner.

One too many sleepless nights in a row had come to significantly impact your sleeping schedule. It had gotten to the point where your boss had come to expect your work day to end at 5 am instead of 5 pm. It was nice, though. To see the city when it felt like no one else could. To have your whole day to yourself, even though it was technically night. Everything was much quieter, and there were moments where it felt like you might be the only person in the entire city to be awake, and you wouldn’t have it any other way. You rarely interacted with anyone, you didn’t even wake up until hours after the last of your coworkers had left the building, and every errand you had to run could be completed via the self-checkout of the 24 hr supermarket a few blocks away from your apartment building. You weren’t lonely by any means, you just so happened to be alone.

Except on game nights. You were never alone on game nights. Luckily, there weren’t very many Toronto residents that enjoyed watching one of their franchise players play in a different teams jersey, but you still couldn’t help but punish yourself by watching his games whenever they were on at the sports bar you frequented. You told yourself that as long as someone else put the game on, and as long as you left with someone new before the game was over, then it wasn’t nearly as pathetic as it seemed.

An issue arose the first time Toronto played the Sabres. You hadn’t checked the schedule, you just knew that there was a game. You also knew that if you were ever alone when a game was on you would curl up with far too much ice cream and a borderline dangerous amount of rum, neither of which were ideal. Immediately upon entering the bar, you knew that it was far too crowded for there to not be a Leafs game on, it was nowhere near baseball season, and the sea of blue jerseys couldn’t be for any other team. An involuntary wince consumed your face as Auston’s name reached your ears, it seemed like every congregation of fans in the entire establishment were talking about him, and a cursory glance at the nearest screen confirmed your fears.

The bad news was that if you stayed, you would have to watch Auston play, which was bound to be painful for any Leafs fan, but this one would hurt you just a little more than all the others— the knowledge that he was just across the city weighed heavily on your shoulders as you pushed through the crowd to find an empty stool somewhere. The worse news was that there was no way in hell a single guy in here would be willing to leave before the game was over, so you’d either have to watch all of it and then fuck the feelings away, or go home and watch all of it and probably end up crying for a majority of the third period. The former seemed like a more viable option at the time.

Now, though? You wished you had just gone home. Because it turns out you were wrong, there was a dude at the bar who was willing to leave before the end, as it would turn out, he was ready to leave before the second period was halfway through. That should have been your first red flag.

In your defense, you had a lot of other shit going on, and your brain was far too preoccupied coping with the stress that the game was bringing to consider the fact that the nice guy who had been paying for your drinks might not turn out to be that nice after all.

On the cab ride back to your apartment, you found out that his name was Sam and he was a lifelong Leafs fan. The two of you bonded over having grown up around hockey without actually playing it, and you even shared a cigarette at the entrance of your building’s lobby. It wasn’t until the two of you stepped into your living room that things took a turn for the worse.

The framed and signed Matthews jersey on the mantle had been more of a joke than anything else, all of your friends thought it was funny while the two of you were together, and you hadn’t had anyone over since the breakup, so you hadn’t found a reason to convince yourself to take it down. The look of disgust on Sam’s face as soon as he laid eyes on it would have been a fairly convincing reason if you actually gave a shit what he thought about you.

“That’s borderline sacrilege,” he commented, gesturing towards the display. You shot him an incredulous look, waiting for him to give any indication that he was making a joke.

“What?” You questioned, not really confused, just wanting to clarify if he was saying. What you thought he was saying.

“You can’t seriously call yourself a leafs fan and still support that guy! He’s a traitor,” He asserted. His over passionate gesturing indicated that he was genuinely this invested in the topic, which should have been your second red flag.

“I mean c’mon, (Y/N),” He continued. “You’re not stupid, are you?”

You couldn’t help but scoff at how pretentious and condescending he was being, without seeming to realize that he was acting like an absolute prick.

“I can assure you, Samuel,” You drawled sarcastically. “I am anything but stupid, but you have got to be absolutely moronic if you genuinely believe that I’m going to let you fuck me after speaking to me like I'm a goddamn child. Your kinks are your business but that's not really my style,” you sneered as you moved towards the doorway in order to invite him to throw himself out so you didn’t have to bother touching him any more than you already had.

“Now why don’t you get the fuck out of my house, dick head,” You spoke as your lip curled and your brow quirked, gesturing through the doorway to drive the point through his thick skull.

“Gladly,” He scoffed, slamming his shoulder into yours as he stepped past you. “Not like I’d want to fuck a whore like you anyways!” He shouted over his should as he started towards the stairs.

“Open your mouth that wide again and I’m gonna have to ask you to chortle my cock, Samuel” You responded, giving a middle finger to his back for your own satisfaction. You had never been one to censor your insults, and over the years they had become more and more lewd. This, of course, had never really presented itself as a problem until you caught the eye of your neighbor as you turned to storm back inside of your apartment. You couldn’t help but wince apologetically at the old woman, giving her a repentant head nod as you shuffled back inside.

You let your back hit the inside of the door, sliding roughly down until your tailbone hit the hardwood floor beneath your feet. Of course, the first substantial interaction you had in over a month would turn out to be a spectacular disaster. And of course, it was because of Auston. Realistically, you knew it wasn’t his fault, you just really really needed someone else to blame right now. You carded your fingers through your scalp roughly, and let out an elongated groan in the hopes that it would satisfy the overwhelming urge that you had had to scream at the top of your lungs for the past month or so.

As you stared at your own intertwined fingers in an attempt to calm yourself down, you couldn’t help but notice that your fingers were shaking. This wasn’t a recent development by any means, but this was the first time that you had noticed it being this aggressive. It usually only happened when you had coffee, which was why you had abstained from it for a majority of your life. As you looked back on what your routine had become, you realized that through all the late nights and later mornings, you had been popping caffeine pills and ordering espressos far more than the ‘one-time thing’ you told yourself it was. The realization that your life had done a complete 180 in the span of 5 weeks began to weigh on you, and it seemed like your mind was consumed entirely by flurries of memories of bad habits you had fallen back into and the lifeless moments you had spent floundering, convincing yourself that you were fine on your own, despite the fact that that was anything but the truth.

It didn’t take very long to find his contact picture in your recent messages. You hadn’t had much of a reason to talk to that many people lately. It took longer to open up the message thread, trying to prepare yourself to view the unbearably awkward finality of your most recent messages to each other. The preview underneath his name only served as a painful reminder that the last time he had texted you was to say that he loved you. And you hadn’t said it back.

You weren’t sure if he was going to respond, hell you went sure he was even going to read it. For all you knew it was entirely within the realm of possibility that he had blocked you a while ago. You knew exactly what to say, surprisingly, that wasn’t the hard part. Of the few letters that you typed, the closer you got to reaching out to him again seemed to calm you down more and more. By the time you tacked on the question mark at the end, your fingers had stopped trembling for there first time in what you could assume had been at least a couple of weeks. You let your phone drop to the floor as soon as you hit send, either he would be here within the hour or his response wouldn’t be worth reading. Those were the only options on the table. Either he was going to come and the two of you were going to get to be okay for a little while, or it truly was the end. If that was the case then you really didn’t want to see what he had to say. You heard your phone vibrate from where it laid just a couple feet away, and as much as the desire consumed you, you couldn’t bring yourself to move to see what it said. So you sat there, and waited to see if you would be able to hear those oh so familiar footsteps ascending your staircase again, responding to your oh so familiar request.

‘come thru?’

#i am literally begging you to tell me what you think #auston matthews #auston matthews imagine #Toronto Maple Leafs #nhl imagine #hockey imagine #imagines #imagine

[antiadvil]

Sand Dollars and a Shiny Rock

summary: Dan and Phil go on vacation, Phil tries to propose, things go terribly wrong, but also kind of right.

rating: PG13 bc I’m paranoid

wc: 2k

notes: written for the @phanfictionevents telephone thing. @bucketofphan wrote the first part, @allbymyshelf wrote the second, and I wrote the last one! I would just like to say that this was actually really hard so please be gentle with me. but it is kind of cool. the prompt definitely had something to do with proposal and maybe something to do with vacation

ao3

“Dan, it's time to wake up!” 

Dan groaned and rolled over onto the empty side of the bed, making Phil laugh. It was obvious that he was awake but he just didn't want to get up out of their bed, which Phil could totally understand. They had just spent what seemed like forever on a plane only to land in California and immediately get lost trying to find their rental home. By the time both of them finally got in the house and in the master bedroom they were exhausted so Dan decided to just call it a night.

It was no longer night though and Phil had a whole beach day for them planned. They were only on the beach for one day though before heading back off to spend time with friends and film some collabs that their fans had been asking for for a while so getting up and ready was Phil's number one priority. 

Phil moved over to his side of the bed where Dan had rolled himself to. He couldn't help but smile at how his boyfriend had gotten himself tangled in the blankets just so he wouldn't have to leave the bed. But Phil wasn't having any of it that morning, grabbing Dan's ankles and pulling him closer to the end of the bed. 

“Baby please get up. I have a whole day planned for us and it's already past 10.” 

Dan grunted what Phil thought sounded like a no and wiggled his way back up onto the bed. Phil rolled his eyes at his boyfriend’s antics, backing away. 

“That's fine then, don't get up. I'm sure I'll run into Sam the Surfer somewhere and me and him can just hang out.” 

He smirked and turned away, heading over to where they had put their suitcases last night. He opened Dan's and pulled out the new swimsuit that Dan had got before their trip. It was quite plain, just a nice dark blue, but if Dan liked it then Phil liked it.

Phil made sure to grab the shirt that was paired with it as well along with the pair of shoes Dan had brought along to go on the beach. He placed the outfit on the end of the bed and smiled to himself when he noticed his favorite brown curls peeking out from under the covers. 

“I'm gonna go make some coffee. Come say hi when you're dressed.” 

And with that Phil disappeared through the doorway. He could hear Dan get out of the bed as he entered the kitchen and a sudden wave of nerves crashed over him. Sam the Surfer was a bit of a sore topic between the two, meaning that he was only ever brought up as leverage or because the fans wanted to know something. He hoped Dan wasn't too mad at him. 

Phil had just found the coffee they had brought with them when Dan stepped into the room. He cleared his throat, grabbing Phil's attention. Phil stood up and looked at his boyfriend, a smile spreading across his face. 

“You look great babe.” He took a few steps to Dan and grabbed Dan's hand. Dan smiled back at him and lent down slightly to kiss Phil's forehead. 

“Why don't we go out for breakfast and then head to the beach?” Dan suggested, sleep still clouding his eyes. 

“Yeah, okay, that sounds great.” 

Phil let Dan lead him towards the door, breaking away from his love long enough to slip Dan's present into his pocket. All he could hope for now is that the waves didn't knock the ring out. 

-----

Phil stepped out the door and locked it behind them, before interlacing his fingers with Dan’s and walking towards a small cafe for breakfast. Their rental house was near the beach and a pleasantly salty breeze kept the air cool. Well, cool for June in California.

Phil resisted the urge to hurry Dan along too much, they were on vacation after all. But given how Dan still hadn’t really woken up, they spent their sweet time meandering towards the cafe. Phil didn’t mind too much, the view was beautiful and the air was clean and fresh. Plus, they had time to get acquainted with the area near their rental house while not being incredibly lost.

The cafe was a cute little place that felt very homey, probably due to the slightly bossy grandmother who seated them. By the way she ordered the employees around it appeared as though she owned the place. 

Once seated, and when he was absolutely sure she was out of range, Phil whispered, “I swear she smacked my ass with that hand towel because I was moving too slowly.”

Dan sofly snorted,”Of course she did Phil, the weird ones always pick you don’t they?”

“What? I can’t help it!” Phil protested, searching for at least a decent defense. “At least I have plenty of fun stories to tell at parties, Mr. I-Have-No-Friends-

And-I-Never-Leave-The-House.”

“Phil.” Dan said flatly, “When was the last time you even went to a party? Let alone one that needed weird person magnet stories” 

Phil sighed, ”Touchè. But for the record, you only get this one because it’s your birthday and I love you. So savor this moment because it won’t happen again for quite a while.”

Dan smiled and picked up his menu, playfully throwing a, “Sure, Lester. You believe that.” across the table.

“Hey!” Phil said halfheartedly, while also grabbing his menu and flipping through it. After a considerable amount of time waffling (ha!) between waffles and pancakes, he finally convinced Dan to get the waffles while he got the pancakes so that they could split.

The food smelled delicious, and once served Phil was eager to dig in, though not before making sure that he and Dan got half each of the waffles and pancakes. They were heavenly when drenched in syrup, and Phil could swear he was having an out of body experience.

Phil had such an out of body experience in fact, that apparently he forgot how to drink coffee, and the next time he went to take a sip he spilled half the cup on his shirt and pants. That brought him back to his body so fast he probably got mental whiplash.

“Crap!” He quietly hissed while pulling napkins out of the dispenser and furiously dabbing at his clothes. Dan took a moment to snicker at Phil’s classic display of clumsiness before deigning to help out. Of course he went straight for the pants, this was Dan we were talking about after all.

Phil, terrified Dan would feel the lump in his pocket, swatted his hand out of the way and joked quietly enough only Dan could hear, “Trying to feel me up, eh? Next time maybe not in public, please.” 

Dan slid back to a comfortable position in his seat and his half smile was accompanied by a quirked eyebrow, “Worth a shot though, it is my birthday after all.” 

Phil chuckled, “I’m starting to wonder if knowing your birthdate is privileged knowledge, reserved only for people who won’t abuse the power.”

“Maybe,” Dan shrugged, “But birthdays wouldn’t be as fun then.”

“Depends,” Phil mused. 

Before he could continue that train of thought, Dan interrupted him, “Do you want to go back to the house to change before we head to the beach?”

“No thanks, the ocean’ll clean me just fine”

“You sure? I don’t think caffeine is good for fish.”

“Um, how do you know that caffeine is bad for fish. For all you know, they could love it, who doesn’t like extra energy?”

What ensued was a debate on whether or not caffeine was good for animals that lasted them through the rest of breakfast and partway down to the beach. In the midst of their lively discussion Phil smiled to himself, today was perfect. He couldn’t ask for a better day to propose.

-----

The beach was surprisingly empty for such a nice day. Phil decided not to question it. He set up their towels a careful distance away from the sea- not so close that he’d have to move them when the tide came in, but not so far that they’d have to walk a foot more than necessary to reach the ocean. He rummaged through their bag, but came up empty handed.

“Hey, Dan?” he asked.

“Hmm?” Dan was already halfway to the waves.

“Did you remember to pack the sunscreen?”

Dan froze. “We can go back.”

“No, it’s okay.”

“Are you sure? I really don’t want a replay of the skin fic.”

Phil cringed. “Dan!”

“Sorry. But really, Phil, we should go back. You know how we both burn. I don’t want to have a sunburn for the rest of vacation.”

“What time is it?” Phil asked, then immediately regretted it. 

Dan frowned. “Just past noon, why? Does it matter what time it is?”

“No, no!” Phil rushed to protest. “It’s just, let’s just stay here for a while. We won’t get sunburned in just half an hour and afterwards we can get lunch and stop by the house.”

Dan raised his eyebrows. “You’re being weird, but okay.”

“I’m not being weird,” Phil insisted. “You’re being weird.”

“Babe, seriously, it’s your skin cancer. It’s fine. You’re making this weirder. Just stop.”

Phil stopped. Then realized his dilemma.

He couldn’t go in the water. The risk that the ring would be dislodged from his disturbingly shallow pocket was too high. He had been hoping Dan would be content with a short walk on the beach, or wandering through ankle deep water, but Dan was already waist deep and still swimming out.

Phil glanced at Dan, checking that he wasn’t looking, before slipping the ring out of his pocket and into their bag.

He quickly caught up with Dan, who had swam out just past where his feet could touch and was treading water. From there, they spent more time than they probably should splashing each other, dunking each other, and just floating, letting the waves carry their bodies.

After what felt like hours (but was hopefully actually only one or two), they decided to head back to shore.

Dan smirked. “Race you?” Before Phil could complain that he was farther out than Dan, Dan was off. Phil panicked, remembering the ring in the bag. He swam as quickly as he could, but Dan still beat him.

Dan ran back to their towels, laughing. “That’s what you get for all those All or Nothings.”

“Hey,” Phil panted.

Dan reached for the bag. “Please tell me we remembered the water. I’m actually going to die of thirst.”

For the second time in half a minute, Phil panicked. He rushed for Dan and jumped, tackling him. They landed in the sand. “What the hell?” Dan asked, but he was laughing.

Phil took the opportunity to lean down and kiss him. Dan leaned into him, and Phil savored the taste of his mouth, the slight curl of his lips, before pulling away.

“What was that for, Mr. But-We’re-In-Public?” Dan laughed.

“You’re just really cute,” Phil mumbled.

“You’re really cute too, but I’m still going to die of thirst.” Dan reached for the bag again, and this time Phil could do nothing but watch helplessly as Dan opened the bag and the ring spilled out.

There was an awful moment of silence before Dan said, so quietly Phil could barely hear, “Oh.”

Phil froze.

“I-” Dan’s voice was so soft. “I didn’t know.” Dan’s face suddenly morphed to concern. “Are you okay?”

Phil touched his face and realized he was crying. “I…”

Dan picked up the ring, staring at it. “Wait- sorry, is that why you wanted to know what time it was?”

Phil sniffled. “I had a surprise planned and everything. Martyn was helping me set it up.”

Dan patted Phil’s back, looking horrified. “I had no idea.”

“It’s okay,” Phil reassured Dan through his tears.

“The answer is yes,” Dan said, still patting Phil’s back.

Phil started crying harder.

“I am so sorry,” Dan said.

“No,” Phil managed, “Happy tears.”

Dan gave up on patting Phil’s back and gathered him into a hug. “It wouldn’t be very us if something didn’t go terribly wrong, would it?”

“I guess not,” Phil said, muffled by Dan’s shoulder.

Dan pulled back and slipped the ring on his finger. “Now how about we head back and you can show me your surprise?”

“It’s not really a surprise anymore.”

Dan stood and offered Phil a hand up. “I’ll pretend it is.”

As they walked back towards their rental house and Phil’s surprise, they left their hands interlaced.

#phanfic #phanfiction #phan #my writing

[ask-svt-hearteu]

Vampire! Joshua

Genre/Warnings: fluff, historically incorrect probably, mentions of religion that are purely because of this supernatural au, cursing

Word Count: 2278

A/N: surprise :p i was kinda feeling inspired bc this is a superior concept sorry it’s not a request :( but i really hope you guys like this! it’s been a minute since i’ve written something, i hope i portrayed joshua correctly too - admin seri

1800s poster church boy

until he fell in love 

or so he thought 

he was strumming his guitar at choir practice 

sitting at the side while the nun yelled at the girls, a usual day at the church

and he looked up at the sound of the doors opening and saw her

immediately he’s fascinated by things he’s never cared about before 

it was like just the flutter of her lashes made him swoon

poor unsuspecting Joshua Hong, didn’t he know what compulsion was 

for a month after, people said he changed 

he quit choir and began chasing after this one girl 

as were many other men, as they were all too blinded by the compulsion to realize, him included 

but she liked him best, it was the only explanation, because why else would she

he remembers that night, dressed in a tux as her date to one of the many balls she was invited too

being pulled into one of the many secluded rooms by the tug of her nimble fingers on his tie 

feeling the soft touch of her lips 

feeling the pain of her teeth sinking into his bottom lip

she seemed to take great amusement in watching him pull back in horror 

she bit down on her own lip, hard

he watched, horrified as the blood dripped from her lips while she smirked

and she kissed him again in his frozen state

next thing he knew he was laying on his bed with a terribly sore neck 

left with only a short, vivid scene of her baring her fangs and wrapping her hands around his neck 

she was gone and so was the compulsion

he looked into the mirror, ran his hands over the puncture wounds on his neck, and hissed at the pain of a new set of teeth growing

it didn’t take long for him to realize he needed to escape town 

it also didn’t take long for him to meet another vampire

Choi Seungcheol offered him an understanding smile and handed him a ring 

from then on, he was with Seventeen 

becoming a vampire killed any belief Joshua had in god

he was even the ‘I've read the entire bible five’ type, but then again what else was there really to do

there wasn’t much he could say about the topic now, the evidence was clear 

however, his knowledge made him the absolute perfect candidate for his role in Seventeen

because where there’s a small, close-knit town, there’s a church

prominent members of the community reside in the church 

and they know all the dirty secrets

all he was to do was wiggle his way into the church slowly as the young, pleasant man offering to play the guitar during mass 

getting along with all the kids

become the major’s kid favorite 

shaking hands with the major as he grins ‘shyly’ when the major dotes on how much the kid loves him 

sly, sly Joshua 

his job, primarily, is to make sure none of the town leaders catch on to the recent rise in animal deaths 

and that no other vampires left any loose ends or some people suspicious

and especially make sure as hell there aren’t any vampire hunters

so he’s at choir practice with a guitar at his side, smiling softly at the nostalgic sight of the kids singing

til he smells a familiar scent in the air and turns to see Jun

“What are you going here?”

smiling brightly, Junhui points, “the kid my girl babysits gets to play this weekend” 

“she’s adorable” Joshua looks to the little girl standing next to the piano bouncing on the balls of her feet 

“yeah I am,” Jun’s girlfriend buts in cheekily, “thanks Josh” 

he hums nonchalantly, “no problem” 

while the three of them settle to watch the practice, Jun leans in and whispers, “so any updates?” 

“one lady, she’s on the council and is always asks me about our living situation whenever we talk. it’s obvious she’s skeptical. I overheard her talking about the deer Vernon forgot to bury last week too”

“are you going to compel her to stop?” 

he shakes his head, “no, she’s been so adamant, it’ll be too suspicious if she suddenly stops caring” 

“what are we going to do?” 

he shrugs and gives a reassuring smile, “I’ll figure it out” 

later that evening, he finds himself at a council member’s dinner party 

the amount of dinner parties Joshua has been to is astonishing, it really felt like they had nothing better to do with their lives 

so in his dress shirt and slacks, he greets everyone with a shake of the hand or a polite hug

secretly wanting to just down ten glasses of champagne because that’s how utterly unlikable the council members are

managing to escape, he finds himself in one of the many hallways of the mansion and spots a lone figure 

Joshua watches as you examine the picture frames in close detail, as if you were looking as to see what color shoes each person was wearing 

slowly, he takes light steps towards you, standing behind to take a look at the frames himself 

you feel a strange sensation, like that unexplainable feeling that you’re being watched

so you turn your head

“Jesus fuck!” 

you stumble a couple steps away from him

how could you not even hear his footsteps

despite your loud exclamation, he remains cool and only smirks 

“saying God’s name in vain?” he shakes his head mockingly 

you huff, gathering your composure, “I wouldn’t be if you weren’t being so creepy” 

seeing him simply shrug and turn back to the frames, you scowl

“who even cares about that anyways,” you mutter under your breath

“never said I did,” he smiles at you calmly

a very unmannerly snort rises from you, “geez you just keep getting creepier and creepier” 

he chuckles, “Joshua Hong, nice you meet you. you can call me Josh.”

how he hasn’t been the slightest put off by your unfriendliness, you don’t know

“Y/N L/N” 

for the first time, you take him in, finally noticing how insanely handsome he is

in fact, he seems perfect

seeing as you let a little bit of your guard down, Joshua asks, “so tell me about the pictures”

“if you really want to know, Joshua“ you tease, emphasizing the ‘ua’, “this is my family” 

he looks at your impassive expression, noticing the way your tone becomes lifeless when you talk about them 

“this is your house?” 

you smile bitterly, “yeah, it’s nice right?” 

shaking his head he exhales, “I don’t know seems kind of lonely” 

you eye him with a look of surprise and he laughs 

“I live with twelve other guys and I think that’s the only way you could fill a house like this” 

seeing you crack a smile, he grins triumphantly 

“twelve guys? that’s an odd arrangement” 

“it works” 

lifting his finger, Joshua points to one of the pictures, “where’s this at?” 

“the woods just outside of town, that’s my family and the major’s family camping, we go every year” 

finally getting to what he came here for, Joshua says, “you guys probably heard of all the animal deaths in the forest then huh” 

you sigh dramatically, “not you too, seems like the whole council is obsessed with it these days” 

“oh?” 

oh fuck

the chances of this town knowing about vampire seems very high

in a town where a couple families have been in control since forever, those families passed down the secrets

he’d have to ask Wonwoo for more history

“I can’t believe my parents are making me join the council, I don’t know what about turning twenty-one suddenly allows me to handle city politics” 

he makes a note of that and chuckles, “mmm yeah, seems more like a clubbing night instead of an inauguration”

you reach and nudge his arm naturally, “that’s what i’m saying!” 

“another thing also,” Joshua raises his brows amused and tilts his head towards the champagne glass in your hand

“what are you a saint,” you can’t help but smile, “okay holy one, take it from me” 

he almost bursts into laughter at the irony

simply just clinking your glass with his, his eyes sparkle with a playful gleam, “cheers” 

after getting your number, which you will never admit you happily gave him, you both start to talk

from daily conversations simply about each others day 

to both of you dying when the conversation leads somewhere completely random 

you honestly just think, like wow, when has your adult dating life ever been this successful 

but Joshua, when he first found out about you and your family, his only thought was how useful the information you had could be 

though he’s being honest with himself, you had him since that dinner party

not head over heels compulsion type of attraction

just your tough snarky demeanor, no doubt because of the way you were raised 

and the way it fell into a giggly mess meshed with sarcastic comebacks as if you weren’t just laughing your head off

and even if you pretend to be cold-hearted sometimes, you’re the first one to give someone directions or to pick up their fallen papers 

“clearly you like her” Jeonghan laughs, entertained by his close friend’s struggle

“I know that much” he chortles, “Y/n likes me too” 

“and you haven’t made a move because? there’s only so many coffee runs and choir practices you guys can use as an excuse” 

Joshua stares into the moon from his spot on the rooftop, realizing it must’ve past midnight by now 

“today is Y/n’s birthday, they’re going to tell her today” 

“well didn’t she invite you to her dinner party?” 

his lips twitch remembering you ranting about it to him, complaining about the formalities of it all, how you really didn’t want all the council members and their snotty kids, no matter how cute, at your twenty-first birthday

you had reached over and tapped his arm, letting your hand graze against him, “looks like it’s your job to make it worthwhile” 

arriving at your mansion, he’s dressed in his best suit and clutching a bouquet of flowers

he can smell your distinct perfume getting closer and closer to the door and smiles softly when you pause in front for a few moments

you’re feeling just as nervous as he is

“Josh” you greet, finally taken to calling him by his nickname

“you look lovely” he says warmly

he reaches for your hand, bringing it up his lips tenderly and presses a kiss

eyes never leaving his, you breathe deeply

“old-fashioned” you mumble, hoping your twenty-one year old self isn’t seriously blushing right now

“i prefer romantic but you’re the birthday girl” 

you glare at him playfully, “hey only i’m allowed to be cheeky today” 

he lets you lead him around the house, pointing out all the elaborate decorations your parents had set up

he really tries his best to pay attention, but the entire time all he can focus on is how he’s going to break the news of being a vampire to you

for a moment he even thought he could hear his heartbeat but stupid, his heart doesn’t beat

you ended up giving him a tour of the entire house with the pool as your last stop

grabbing his hand, successfully sending sparks up his arm, you lead him outside

he doesn’t let go 

“at least the weather is pretty today” you hum, purposely not talking about your hand in his

“looks like the guests are starting to come” 

you both can hear the sound of guests chattering and expensive cars beeping

“just let me be alone with someone a like for a moment” 

before he can show you any type of reaction you let out a tiny giggle, and use your intertwined hands to tug him closer to you

“do you like me too?” your eyes hold a teasing glint, already knowing the answer

“yes, i do like you” Joshua says firmly

you become serious at his sincere and determined expression 

“so what have we been waiting for?” 

Joshua sighs, unknowingly gripping your hand tighter

“I feel like I should tell you something first, and if it doesn’t work, I need you to forget it” 

“okay”

there were other ways where this could’ve gone smoother, but this information never is smooth anyways

“I’m a vampire”

he watches you cautiously, hoping he wouldn’t have to compel you to forget, because that would really mess with his heart

your serious expression falls into a blank one and he almost isn’t sure that it’s you gripping his hand tighter or the other way around

you let out a shaky laugh, “since when were you so dramatic” 

“what-” 

you cut him off, “that was a bit easier to process than i thought” 

 “than you thought?“ he questions incredulously

“Josh, I found out about vampires when I was 16. I was a pretty sneaky teen so do you know how funny it was for me to pretend this was new information this morning to my parents?” you grin mischievously, ignoring his dumbfounded expression

“so what about me?” 

“you Joshua Hong,” you tap him on the nose, “aren’t as subtle as you think, I’m just smarter than you I guess” 

recovering from his surprise he smirks, “all this time, I was worried about you feeling betrayed, but now I do” 

he pulls you closer, letting the hand not holding yours fall on your waist 

you roll your eyes and stare up at him, realizing how utterly smitten you are with him

“just kiss me already, and please no fangs” 

The Seventeen Vampire AU Series:

| Mingyu | Junhui | Seungcheol | Joshua |

MASTERLIST

#joshua hong #joshua #seventeen #joshua scenarios #seventeen scenarios #vampire joshua #vampire seventeen #joshua au #svt #svt scenarios #svt imagines #joshua imagines #seventeen imagines #joshua fluff #seventeen fluff #ask svt hearteu #hong jisoo #kpop seventeen #kpop svt

[alien-bodies]

Oversharing Time!!!

(i just made that title up that’s not the official title I’m just Like That)

Ok so @frogyell​ tagged my main account (I am BLEST) but that’s for Refined Star Trek Content and this one’s for excellent moodboard content and garbage so here’s the garbage!!! I’m putting it under a cut bc it manipulates your brain to want to read through 85 fuckin facts about me more wow I love science

rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people.

1. last drink: Water! off to a great start

2. last phone call: my local Hot Topic. I feel like I should also mention I work there. But if you don’t know that and steal my phone you’ll see I have a contact named Hot Topic

3. last text message: Google sent me a verification code, but the last one I sent was to my brother it says “k”

4. last song you listened to: It’s called The Horror Of Your Love by Ludo, if I had to delete all but one song on my 121-song Best Enemies playlist I’d keep this one it’s Peak and kinda has vore but it’s metaphorical. metavoreical, if you will

5. time you cried: during my latest EMDR sesh! I was in Wales and everything it was a Lot I got ice cream after

6. dated someone twice? Big No

7. kissed someone and regretted it? Not really?

8. been cheated on? my ex had 16 anime dating sims downloaded at one point while we were dating does that count

9. lost someone special? yea

10. been depressed? hella

11. gotten drunk and thrown up? I’ve been drunk 1 time and it was when I was playing English handbells at my dad’s church’s wassail night but I did not throw up no

fave colors

12. Black

13. Lavendar

14. Light blue

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends? Hell Yell!!

16. fallen out of love? k i n d a ? ?

17. laughed until you cried? oh absolutely

18. found out someone was talking about you? OH BOY YUP YUP

19. met someone who changed you? yes! she managed to physically alter my hippocampus without touching it how fuckign whack is that

20. found out who your friends are? It’s always the same miraculous group chat

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list? sure have

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl? I keep it nice and refined so all of them. My old account is another story

23. do you have any pets? one beautiful and talented cat named Moriarty. A good description is she’s got puppy software on cat hardware.

24. do you want to change your name? listen I’ve been through 4.5 of these fuckers, I like Nate, I’m Quite Finished

25. what did you do for your last birthday? invited 2 pals over, I remember one of them suddenly whipped out I Am The Doctor and the Dr Who theme on the piano out of fuckin nowhere and I was like “Daniel what the hell you’re so talented” and then I hardcore dissociated the rest of the day

26. what time did you wake up today? 10:00

27. what were you doing at midnight last night? chatting w @houseofoakdown​ and also editing my monstrosity of a fanfiction

28. what is something you cant wait for? Going back to school! then I can graduate in my pajamas and eat creamed corn in celebration

30. what are you listening to right now? the same goddamn playlist, this one’s called Battle Cry by The Family Crest, i cri erytiem

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom? probably???

32. something thats getting on your nerves? my brother vaping in the bathroom with the fan on at 12:30am

33. most visited website: tungle dot hell

34. hair color: I started out blonde af now I’m less blonde but still blonde.

35. long or short hair: short

36. do you have a crush on someone: :[] yes

37. what do you like about yourself: i’m hella smart, my moodboards are bangin, my writing is cool af, I’m well-hydrated at all times

38. want any piercings? Big No

39. blood type: A+!!!!! thats me!!!!!

40. nicknames: my brother calls me a goon sometimes

41. relationship status: im married to my laptop

42. zodiac: I was born on the last day of Taurus so I’m a definite Taurus/Gemini power combo

43. pronouns: they/them, tho in some places I use he/him bc The Dysphoria got hog wild enough I decided to pretend to be a trans guy so ppl would take me seriously, but I’m moving more towards they/them everywhere now. 

44. fave tv shows: Dr Fuck, Sherlock (I’m armed with a pitchfork and an arsenal of beefed up tv & film knowledge come on fight me), DOWNTON ABBEY

45. tattoos: in August I will get a bee on my right arm and probably a Secret Word in Gallifreyan on my left it’ll say fuck

46. right or left handed: one time I was bored in grade 10 and tried to make myself ambidextrous but that was a hassle so I’m firmly right handed. Except in archery.

47. ever had surgery: got all 4 wisom teeth out not long ago! I still need to squirt water in my gum holes so I get all the mushy food out :{

48. piercings: I used to have my ears pierced but they’re grown tf over now!

49. sport: first of all what the hell is this question looking for second of all I have a red belt (which is 2 below black belt) in Taekwondo. I really need to do that again hhhhhh

50. vacation: i went to England and France in the summer with my family as a “””grad trip”””, it was lots of fun but my collection of sensory issues extended to chomping and I dissociated so intensely in The Louvre my mom told me to go back outside so I wrote fanfiction while listening to 21 Pilots and chatting w my imaginary friends and it took me like 18 hours to process I’d seen The Mona Lisa with mine own 2 eyes. Also the plane was delayed twice bc we used Air Canada for some godforsaken reason and I had 0 hours of sleep when I went to the Sherlock Holmes museum and I started talkin to this bust of Sherlock Holmes and then I hadn’t eaten enough and we were walking to this bookstore and I said “I need food!” and my dad said “We’ll get it AFTER” then I shouted “I’M GONNA DIE” so I got a BLT from Tesco. 

51. trainers: h

more general

52. eating: the last thing I ate was chocolate chips straight out of the bag

53. drinking: I got another cup of water

54. im about to watch: my entire fanfiction to take 3000 notes on consistency. and by watch I mean read

55. waiting for: my brother (not vaping) to get out of the bathroom so I can PEE

56. want: Orphan Black to be on Netflix so I can actually binge watch it then call my grandma about it

57. get married: idk I didn’t think I was a get married person but since realizing I’m a lesbian it seems like a good idea!

58. career: nurse and a writer. I might just move to London and work double time to write enough scripts I have some street cred then pitch a TV adaptation of Faction Paradox to the BBC and win

which is better

59. hugs or kisses: hugs bc it means my friends are in my vicinity not Toronto

60. lips or eyes: uh. eyes???????????

61. shorter or taller: i’m 5′3″ and I would love a tol partner

62. older or younger: i don’t think I care

63. nice arms or stomach: what fresh hell does this mean. I’d like a nice stomach free of gastrointestinal issues and acid reflux. not that I have either of those but just in case

64. hookup or relationship: I have 300 many self-esteem issues so imma say relationship

65. troublemaker or hesitant: AU where I don’t have anxiety and I’m a trouble maker

have you ever

66. kissed a stranger: noop

67. drank hard liquor: I PUT RUM IN THE WASSAIL HELL YEAH also once someone bought me a shot at a queer dance thing bc it was payday and my friend told me to gulp the WHOLE SHOT and then the lemonade so I don’t barf and I was like “brah this is too high-stakes” so I poured the vodka in the lemonade and took sips and everyone stared at me

68. lost glasses: in grade 6 and then my mom threatened to make me wear one of those granny glasses chains so I never lost them again

69. turned someone down: ya this kid Cyrus used to chase me around in grade 5 and I’d run away always he was weird af one time he made out with a folder right in front of me in the middle of class

70. sex on first date: probs not at this point but I’m not opposed to the general idea when I’m less w h a c k e d  u p

71. broken someones heart: Not that I know of?

72. had your heart broken: c o n s i s t e n t l y in the most fricked up ways god

73. been arrested: no but once I booed at the police bc the local nazis (yeah) were gonna have a rally so we had a counter-rally and I dropped in but there were no nazis except one old dude in a MAGA hat showed up 2 hours late lmao

74. cried when someone died: oui

75. fallen for a friend: Big Lesbian Mood

do you believe in

76. yourself: YA BB

77. miracles: not as such

78. love at first sight: nah

79. santa claus: I wasn’t allowed to believe in Santa as a child bc he was “too much like God” sad

80. kiss on a first date: ye!

81. angels: big no

other

82. best friend’s name: I don’t exactly have a proper best friend but I’m goin with Liam

83. eye colour: blue/grey

84. fave movie: either The Force Awakens (bc I love bb8 and I’m gay 4 Rey) or Interstellar shut up

85. fave actor: uh idk let’s go with my brother

WOW THAT WAS LONG JEE🅱️US. I’m tagging @houseofoakdown @spoonietimelordy @gemvictorfromtheponyverse @spockswhales @raesand and that exhausts the ppl I know but you’re all worth quadruple in my heart 💖

#Open For Sicc Facts Abt Me #ianposting

[tangerinewrites]

DAY 7: TAEHYUNG

11/7/2020 

wc: 1725

note: yes this is a day late i skipped yesterday bc i was busy but i got myself back on track 

The year was 2005 and young Kim Taehyung finally discovers his magic for the first time. After having to wait the last ten years of his life for it to develop, his wishes of it coming into effect have finally come true. No longer did he have to depend on his grandfather to do anything magic related. Having grown up with the knowledge of how he was born to have this passed down to him, he is finally relieved to know that he isn’t just a regular human boy like how his grandfather didn’t want him to be.

He gets it on his birthday and his grandfather looks at him with a big, excited smile. “Are you excited?” he asks the younger curiously. “This is the first time you get to experience your abilities ever! We can even go searching for a familiar, if you want. I know you’ve asked me about it before, so I thought I should bring it up now.”

Taehyung giggles and nods his head. “You remembered,” he answers with a soft smile. “I’m good! I might get a familiar another day. Maybe next year, as a gift for my first anniversary of having magic.”

“You silly boy,” his grandfather chuckles, tugging on the little child’s cheek. After he says this, he stands up and walks off to somewhere. “Well, I did get you a present anyway,” he says, Taehyung assuming it’s his reason for going off to somewhere else for a short while. “I’m sure you’ll like it, Taehyungie.”

“Oh! Grandpa, you didn’t have to!” The ten year old called out from where he sat. “My magic coming to me on my birthday is already a gift enough!”

“Shh! I don’t want to hear it!” his grandfather silences him immediately as he returns to the room with a wrapped rectangle-ish box in his hands. “Do you like the wrapper? I know we don’t celebrate it, but it’s Christmas themed!”

Taehyung laughs before he grabs the box from him. “I love it, Grandpa. Can I open it?”

“Of course you can, boy! You don’t need to ask me if you need to do something or not,” the grandpa replies roughly, earning a laugh from the child before he unwraps the gift quickly, opening it to reveal a book that was practically glowing after he touched it. Taehyung looks at the book in awe as he fully unwraps it, turning it over to the front to see what the title of it was.

He looks up at his grandfather with a smile on his face. “You got me my first spell book? Oh, thank you grandpa! Thank you!” he gushes happily to the elder. He opens his arms wide, properly inquiring the old man if he could give him a hug. The old man sighs before he opens his arms wide for the young boy, a big smile appearing on his face as he runs over to him and gives him a hug. After a good, warm embrace, Taehyung pulls away with a grin and goes back to looking through the book with curiosity. “Can I try some spells in it now?”

“Maybe later on in the day,” his grandfather advises him. “It’s late and you need a lot of energy to do some spells. Plus, I’m very tired and don’t want to teach you if I am not fully awake.”

The ten year old sighs and pouts, but he nods his head anyways. “Okay, grandpa,” he responds. “Even though I’m excited, you’re right on how I should probably wait.”

“Thanks, Taehyung,” the old man says with a smile. “Well, if you have any questions, let me know now. I’m about to go to sleep in a few minutes, and I do not want your questions to go unanswered.”

Taehyung thinks long and hard for a few seconds. “Well… there is one question that I have.”

“Oh? And what could it be?” his grandfather asks with a smile. Though he loves his grandfather and knows he means well, he couldn’t help but hesitate with asking the question. The reason why is because the question isn’t exactly something he hasn’t asked before, but has never been able to get a clear answer from him about it. So a part of him wonders if he will get the same results that he did last time. And if he did, how disappointed would be in the result?

Still, it was worth a shot. “Grandpa, can you please tell me what happened to my parents?”

As soon as Taehyung asks that question, the old man’s smile immediately turns into a frown. “Taehyung, you know I can’t tell you that.”

The ten-year-old is frustrated by his response. That’s the thing. He didn’t know why his own grandfather can’t tell him about what happened to his parents. All he knew of them was the fact that the both of them cared about him enough to leave him on his grandfather’s doorstep. So the fact that the man wouldn’t tell him any more than that was more than frustrating.

“But whyyy?” he whines to the old man. “I’m ten years old and I’m finally able to become a mage just like them! Shouldn’t I be able to know what happened to them?”

His grandfather stands up from his seat, wanting to leave this conversation for some reason. The fact that he shows that makes Taehyung feel hurt, as it was easy to tell that this was not a conversation that the old man did not want to speak further on. “I’m going to rest, Taehyung,” he responds in a cold tone that makes the little boy frown. “Please do not ask me any questions about this anymore.”

And he leaves to his room in silence, Taehyung looking down at his feet feeling guilty for even bringing the topic up.

“Jerry, can you guess how old I’m turning this year?”

Years have passed since Taehyung’s tenth birthday and he is much more wiser now. The year was 2016 and he was very much still a college student, to his dismay. However, he was luckily almost finished with his degree and only needed a few more stressful semesters left. And it’s been officially nine years since he had his mouse familiar, who’s yet to have a human form.

“I don’t know. You tell me, Taehyungie,” she squeaks, making the boy shake his head. The two of them were practically like siblings. It made things easier with the fact that Taehyung couldn’t exactly comfortably talk to anyone else but her. Even recently, he feels as if he was distancing himself from his old best friend. But he doesn’t say anything about that to Jimin. He didn’t want to bother him, especially with the fact that he was going through a lot right now.

“You’re so annoying,” he says with a sigh before he shakes his head. “I’ve had you since I was eleven and you don’t even know how old I am ?”

“Are you old enough to be able to drink?” the mouse asks.

“Yes, Jerry. I havc been able to drink since last year.”

“Hm… then you must be… 21?”

Taehyung gives an obnoxious clap. “Wow! Good job, buddy! How long did that take you?” he asks, trying to emphasize his widening eyes. “Seriously, you’re so amazing, Jerry. It’s the fact that you’re essentially my life-bound magic pet and you can’t even remember how old I am.”

“I am NOT your pet! I am your FAMILIAR! Not your magical pet, you fool!” Jerry huffs angrily at home. “Goodness gracious! Can I simply care abut the fact that you have not died yet despite all the events that have happened recently?”

And though Taehyung wants to argue with his friend more, he decides against it. She’s got a point, after all. With what was happening between all supernatural creatures versus the hunters, he didn’t really want to think about what could happen in the future as a result. Especially with the fact that the Jung Hoseok, who he used to consider a close friend of his, was involved. It was distressing for everyone, but he feels as if it could be more distressing for other people than himself.

But he still sighs and nods. “No, I guess you’re right for being as upset as you are,” he responds. All of a sudden, he’s reminded of an idea he has. “Hey… can I ask you a question, Jerry?”

"Oh boy,” she says immediately, making Taehyung pout immediately. “Kidding, kidding,” she says later as a defense. “What are you thinking of?”

“I’m thinking of finally knowing what the hell happened to my parents,” he responds with a proud smile. As if that was something to be proud about.

“And how are you going to try and find out about that?” Jerry asks him curiously, wondering if she was going to regret hearing what he had planned or not.

“Well, I made sure to get access to the magical libraries to get some advanced spells, since I feel like this would be a little advanced,” he starts off his explanation. “And with that, I would try to find a way to make a dream that’s like… a vision of the past.”

Jerry listens to him and takes a few seconds of silence to let it sit with her. When she does, she looks up at him with a perplexed look. “Wait. Are you serious?”

“More serious than I’ve ever been, Jerry,” he responds with a confident nod.

“But what if you regret seeing what the vision has to share with you?”

“Will I really regret it if I finally get the answers that I’ve been wondering for the last twenty one years of my life?” he asks her.

It was impossible to convince him otherwise and she recognizes this, sighing afterwards. “Taehyung, I won’t say no to your decision. But, perhaps there was a reason why your grandpa didn’t tell you. Are you sure you’re willing to find the truth, no matter how painful it might be?”

“Yes, Jerry. I swear that I’m willing to find out,” he responds with a confident nod. And he feels more sure of himself than anything.

So, with defeat, his mouse sighs. “Suit yourself,” she answers. “I guess I will be by your side when you sleep tonight, then.”

#( * MTM:U - TAEHYUNG ) #( * IT'S MAGIC WHEN YOU'RE HERE WITH ME ) #( * NANO! )

[hua-fei-hua]

Extra Notes: Music of the Moment Ch. 7

chapter can be read on ao3 or ff.net

i chose king of anything by sara bareilles bc idk man

i was just like “you know who’s a good artist? SARA BAREILLES. i’m gonna see if i can name any chapters after her songs”

for real tho, since the chapter is abt kaminari lamenting his failures w/o considering the fact that he doesn’t actually know jirou all that well makes him come off as presumptuous and entitled when really of course she’d turn him down!

it also pairs well w/“queen of the night” when it comes to titles bc heh king n queen

something i like to address in longer soulmate aus (of which moment is the only one that’s gotten far enough to be published) is that soulmates aren’t always necessarily going to find each other

sometimes it’s circumstance, sometimes you’re born at the wrong time, sometimes it just doesn’t happen

this is why it’s considered normal to be dating in my soulmate aus; there’s really no point to waiting around for the perfect person who might not even arrive

at the same time, ace/aro representation is important to me as an ace person, so platonic soulmates are a thing too

i actually have worldbuilding written down around their culture’s views on soulmates and how they came to be interpreted as such, but that will be covered w/in the fic itself eventually so i’ll stop here

denki’s response of “tradition?” to the question “why do you think people date” is actually referencing that worldbuilding, which i guess just foreshadows the fact that it’ll be elaborated on later

“i thought for sure it was foolproof” “i guess that makes the two of you clowns” is probably the most scathing roast i’ve come up with in forever and i am so proud of it

do you all believe me now when i say that i’m a roastmaster

was kaminari being weird w/the talking hands bit? yeah definitely

but he’s also a stupid teenage boy who fantasizes a lot so i’d argue it’s in character

there’s not much in terms of extra notes for this chapter bc the setting’s not band, and i’ve never been to a school dance, so none of this is drawn from my life

this was the chapter where i gave up on trying to censor the characters and just decided to let them all say fuck

like, last chapter? that was mostly bakugou. that’s justified. i just gave up here and let them all say fuck

“what happens when you assume things / they make an ass out of u and me” i don’t know if that’s smth a lot of people have heard before, but it’s smth that one of the english teachers in my middle school would say to kids when they made assumptions abt audience knowledge/assume the audience can bridge their logic in their essays

mina’s rant at denki abt how not everyone sees him as much as he thinks they do is lowkey me @ other people i know. you guys probably know people like that too lol

this chapter being more abt mina lecturing denki abt entitlement than kaminari lamenting his rejection was actually a bit of a happy accident, since i picked chapter titles based off of short chapter summaries

i’m really glad i did tho bc the friend zone and male entitlement are not topics i usually touch upon in my writing, and while luckily, they’re not things i’ve ever had to personally deal with, i have read women’s horror stories and have Opinions

can you imagine how much worse entitled men might be in a world where you can actually find your soulmate tho like that is a terrifying thought lemme just address that w/in the universe lol

“shipping’s no fun if you only go for what everyone thinks is gonna be canon” is indeed a fandom reference

“just talk to her when you see the chance” since chronologically, this chapter comes right before chapter six, this explains why kaminari kept going up to jirou and trying to keep her company at the homecoming game

short chapter, short notes post! feel free to leave your responses/further questions in my askbox~

next chapter should be out next friday

#hua's vanity #w/o you Bb #Bb notes: music of the moment #Bb notes: perfect harmony

[complexedandfruity]

ok y’all maybe don’t reblog & feel free to scroll past but if i didn’t think my m*m was a narcissist before i definitely do now bc holy shit, i’m gonna pop this under a read more bc idk how long this’ll get & it feels weird ? to talk about online like this but yeah haha

ok so my mom is going back to school to actually finish a degree (which, like, go her bc that shit isn’t easy at any age let alone when you’re 40) & rn she’s in the 2nd of 3 college algebra classes that are required for her program & she’s taking them all in a row to get them done & over with. my sisters & i have been helping her through it, bc we’ve actually taken a math class in this century & mostly remember how to do things & on top of being the 40-year-old freshman my mom is dyslexic af & doesn’t have a math brain & all that fun stuff. you’d think it’d be totally fine, right?

haha

while i’m the kind of person that has been all but conditioned into not asking for help, my mom will ask for help at the first sign of trouble. & since the dynamic between us is so willy wonky & she is so much Like That™ (see my “my mom is problematic tag” for tip of iceberg), me “helping” her is primarily doing the problem for her, either in my head to check her work because she’s been on the same section for over an hour & is frustrated to the point that heads are about to start rolling unless she gets this next problem right & can finally move on or on paper so she can see what the hell she needs to do because holy shit this shit is explained in a language not even traditional college kids who are used to hearing stuff like this can understand. the number of times i have silently taught myself something just to turn around and attempt to explain it to her are staggering.

bc here’s the thing y’all. i may have a math brain. i may have a bachelor's degree in mechanical engineering from a really, really good school (something i will continue to brag about). i may have taken 6 semesters of math classes in pursuit of that degree. but you know what kind of classes i didn’t take? teaching classes! not a single one!! bc i decided at age 10 that i didn’t want to be a teacher!!! i am not equipped with the skills & tools necessary to teach algebra to a dyslexic 40-year-old freshman who is also my mother!! & that’s okay!! bc that’s not my job!!!

but onto the point of this post: what happened yesterday

my mom is inside working on hw at the kitchen table. i’m out in the backyard, vibing at a picnic table we have out there & facetiming with melanie bc two years prior had been the concert where we met in person for the first time & we were being sappy af. at one point my mom comes out to ask me a question, which i could answer pretty quick & it was all good.

a little while later, she comes back out. she’s starting a new section, topic, whatever ya wanna call it, & it was similar to what she was doing before but it was like a different way of doing it. i hadn’t seen it before, but there was an example that walked you through how to do it, so ya girl learned. melanie is vibing on facetime, literally the most patient person on the planet & the greatest friend i could ask for. once i understand, i try to start explaining.

i feel the need to mention that i was a touch intoxicated (on the tail-end of my first hard cider of the day), which was known to my mother bc the nearly empty bottle was sitting on the picnic table in front of me. this would not be the first time i’ve helped her with math while intoxicated. it will not be the last (unless i magically never help her with math again, which hahahahaha fat chance). there’s a chance i was on my second drink, but i’m pretty sure it was my first. idk for sure (monkey brain memory), but either way i was a little gone but not that far.

i walk my mom through the steps once. she gets parts of it (like i said, it’s similar to what she was doing before) but overall still doesn’t get it which, like, fair. i go through it again. after a 3rd time, there’s a small thing she’s stuck on that isn’t part of the overall technique. then she starts asking me why she has to do this, why it works like that, why is there a -1. i try answering her why questions, but she keeps asking the exact same questions. she’s fixated on why -2 divided by 2 is -1. she thinks it should be 0. the amount of flagrant disregard for the basic laws of algebra & math in general, & the fact that i apparently can’t possibly know these things that she doesn’t know, really gets to me. she asks me why one more time, & i finally lose it.

i say (& this is paraphrased bc my memory is absolute shit), “because i have a bachelor’s degree in mechanical engineering from [insert school name] & took 6 semesters of math while i was there & know what i’m talking about when it comes to math, that’s why!” in this weird, high-pitched yell that was trying really hard not to be a yell bc we were outside & also bc i was a daughter yelling at their mother & also also bc i was intoxicated & trying so desperately to act like i wasn’t.

there was this moment of silence where we just looked at each other. i was trying not to laugh, bc my go-to when there’s even a little stress or tension in any situation is humor & my brain was jumping right to “this is the most absurd situation you have ever been in in your entire life. you just had to yell at your mother about math. remember when she taught you the real long division bc the school was teaching you some shitty confusing way to do it? remember when she taught you about fractions two years before the school did? & now she’s doubting your math knowledge. she’s been telling everybody & their brother on social media how proud she is of you graduating college, & you just had to remind her that you’re the one with the bachelor’s degree. not her. all because she thinks she knows more than you. holy shit. you can’t make this shit up.”

after she was done staring at me, i shit y’all not, she shrunk. she made herself small. she rolled her shoulders forward, & hung her head, & reached forward with this little dinosaur arm to grab her scratch paper from in front of me. she physically victimized herself bc i had yelled at her, & i fell for it. an apology started rolling off my tongue before i could even think to make it stop, which i’m sure is exactly what she wanted. she grabbed all her stuff & went back inside, & she soon stopped doing hw for the night.

but y’all, maybe it’s bc i’ve never really yelled or been at all, yanno, confrontational about her behavior, but i’ve never seen her switch her behavior that aggressively to get what she wants before. i’ve seen smaller doses of things that point to narcissistic behavior in the past, but never anything like this. nothing ever this glaring. my only qualm with my reaction, & i know this isn’t my fault especially since this is the first time it’s happened this aggressively to me & i only really recognized what happened after the fact, is that i played into it. i gave her what she wanted. at least i know what to expect in the future & can be prepared for the next time this eventually happens, at any scale, so i won’t play into it & give her what she wants.

also i’m not gonna like tag this with anything other than the tag for my mom’s sketchy shit ? idk why i’m feeling so weird about this like 4 people are gonna see this probably & there’s like an almost zero chance of anyone near her seeing it so i’m just being weird for nothing but idk i’d rather be too cautious than not cautious enough ya know??

#my mom is problematic