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astheworldfallsdown-writing · 1 year

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Chapter II - Move On

Bright white lights flashed on the crowd, filled with mostly older, scruffy looking men, but a few women appeared too, most being the wives of the men. They roared and clapped, looking upon the winner of tonight's Womens Brawler one on one match. Her cherry red hair was french braided back, but that was no match for her shaggy side bangs or baby hairs. At the start of a match, she looked like a million credits, well, for Greyslough. But by the end, she was as sweaty as a tourist on Tatooine, her makeup smudged, body red from the hits, and sometimes a bit of blood.

“Val! Val! Val!” The crowd chanted in unison as the redhead stood up from her knees.

“And the winner by pinfall… Valll!” The ring announcer spoke in the microphone, holding up Valerie’s arm by her wrist. She used her other to wipe the blood from her bottom lip.

After a few moments of glory, Valerie left the circular platform, walked up a small ramp and through a black curtain. A few men gave her a pat on the back as she walked by them, all proud of the match she had put on and the perseverance she displayed. It was against an opponent she had faced before, several times actually, but Valerie knew that the other girl had been training hard to win. And there was her opponent, sitting in the women's dressing room, removing the fighters tape from her hands and knuckles.

Valerie walked in and took a deep gulp from her water canister. She watched her remove the tape, waiting for her to look up. The girl finally got rid of the tape and held back her dark, curly hair, glancing at Valerie.

“I’m gonna get ya next time, I hope ya know.” She spoke in her thick Greyslough accent, shaking a finger at the Naboo native.

Valerie laughed, relieved to see her opponent and friend in a better mood than expected. “I don’t doubt it, you really have made great progress, Shina.”

Shina waves her hands. “Don’t you get started. There’ll be progress when I pin ya on that mat.” She stood and gave Valerie a gentle shove. “You got any plans then?”

“Come on, you know me.” Valerie walked towards the shower room. “The only plans I’ve got are heading home and getting a good rest.”

“Yeah after 2:00 am maybe.” Shina poked as Valerie ran the water cool. “How’s Mr McDavin doin’ anyway?”

Valerie stepped into the shower, closing the curtain behind her and sighed. In all honesty, things hadn’t been going so well for Shay, the man who saved her all those years ago. Last year he had suffered his second heart attack since Valerie had known him, and though this year he hadn’t had one, she could feel his weakness growing and his strength leaving. It pained her to sleep in the same house as him every night, sensing when he felt pain or discomfort, she wanted to help so badly but she had already done all she could.

“Things are how they are.” Valerie said curtly, rinsing the sweat off her toned body.

Shina felt sorry for her situation, not many people knew much about Valerie, that’s how she liked it, but Shina was her closest friend and she knew the pain Valerie came from.

“You know if you ever need anything, ya tell me, right?” Shina asked while applying some fresh berry body spray. “I’m nowheres from yer house, even if ya need a sleepover or somethin’.” She heard Valerie laugh quietly. “Ay I’m bein’ serious.”

The water shut off and Valerie took her towel to dry off. “I know, I’m just thinking of the last sleepover we had.” She said with a smile, stepping out of the shower stall with her towel wrapped around her like a strapless dress.

“That definitely was somethin’.” Shina said as a smile crept onto her face as well. “In my defense, Shay should know better than to keep his Chugger’s Chaw in the open when a couple of twenty three year old girls are hanging around lookin’ for some fun.”

“ “out in the open”” Valerie laughed. “It was literally in the bottom drawer of the side table, you were just snoopy.”

“Maybe, but we had a fun time.” Shina sipped on some sparkling water. “I’ll never forget that furious look on his face, ha, what a guy.” She zipped up her duffle bag and checked her com for any missed messages or calls. Valerie slipped on a black shirt with some old band’s logo on it, dark blue pants and her white leather boots. Shina placed her com in her back pocket. “Right well, I’m gonna have a drink with the guys, tell me when you’ve gotten home, k?”

Valerie nodded with a small smile. “Have fun out there loser.”

Shina flipped off Valerie as she left the room, Valerie laughed under her breath and pulled the tie off that kept her braid intact. Her red locks bounced as she ran her fingers through it, brushing out any potential knots. It was almost as if she had been to a beach, the sweat from the fight gave her hair nice curls, not nearly as tight as Shina’s though. Valerie liked to take a moment to herself after each match, regaining her energy and calming her mind. Becoming a brawler wasn’t the first thing that came to mind when Valerie would think about her future all those years ago, but it was the path she ended up taking. She sometimes wondered how things could’ve been differently if she had left GreySlough, if she had tried to continue her training to become a Jedi. But those thoughts were most times dropped and pushed to the furthest corner of her brain before she could give her head any chance to run wild with theories.

Brrrrr… Brrrr

Her com buzzed on the hardwood countertop. It was a couple seconds before she reached over and realized it was her preset alarm. She didn’t have an expensive com, not one that reflected messages into the air above it and displayed holograms, it was the cheapest but most efficient one she could get on the planet. “Shay’s night pills @ 11:00 pm” the screen read.

“Shit.” Valerie cursed under her breath while she scrambled to put her damp fighting gear in her backpack.

For the last couple years, Shay had been prescribed different sets of pills that were meant to be taken at different times of the day. They would help keep him healthy and keep his heart from going too fast, and though Valerie wasn’t his caretaker, she still took it upon herself to make sure he was as healthy and strong as he possibly could be. This was the man who practically saved her life all those years ago, she felt it was the least she could do.

Valerie finished packing her things away and zipped up her black sweater before shutting off the lights and closing the door. She slid a small silver key into the keyhole and turned it til she felt a click, trying to listen for the click would be no use considering the bar was still packed. The crowd continued to roar, invested in the final match of the night while she entered from the backstage. She smiled, looking around at the sea of familiar faces, all people who watched her evolve from a scared ex-padawan to the strongest woman in town, though they didn’t know she was a padawan. Shay felt it best to be kept a secret so no one bothered her about it, and because half the town was anti anything political. Greyslough was a neutral planet, it sometimes bothered Valerie to think about it, but she wasn’t about to try and change what hadn’t been broken. The Empire didn’t invade Greyslough because they didn’t see a point in it, nor did The First Order.

She was halfway through the venue before she glanced around, looking for her hearty opponent of the night. And there Shina was, sitting at the bar chatting and laughing with a few of her friends and probably some fans. Valerie watched her until they made eye contact, she waved goodbye to her friend and Shina held up her glass of beer to her with a smile. Then just as Valerie turned and began to walk to the exit, she heard someone call her.

“Val!” A man with short brown hair and tan skin waved his hand back and forth in an attempt to get her attention. Valerie stopped and watched him get through the crowd towards her. “Hey, your name’s Val, right?” He finally made it to her, he wore black pants and a brown leather jacket with black, horizontal stripes on the shoulders.

“Valerie, yeah.” She said, looking at the man who she did not recognize. Was he new here? Can’t be a tourist. She thought to herself

“Valerie, pleasure to meet you. You’re a very talented fighter.” The man spoke loudly over the crowd so she could hear his every word. She felt very suspicious and mildly uncomfortable, not knowing someone in this town wasn’t something she was used to.

“Thanks.” She said curtly. “Do you have family here or?”

“Oh no, no I don’t. Doing some scouting actually.” He said with a smile on his face, his friendliness making Valerie want to ditch this place as soon as she could.

“Scouting? Like for brawlers?” She asked and crossed her arms. There were in fact scouters for brawlers but they only visited Greyslough every 5 years, and never this well dressed.

“Well, not necessarily. You see, I’m with an organization who is looking to.. Expand. So I’m here looking to see if anyone here has what it takes.” He spoke carefully, Valerie nodded simply just to show she wasn’t ignoring him. “I think you have what it takes.”

“Oh wow.” Valerie said unenthusiastically. “Really? Thanks.” She slowly began to back up to the door. “I should get going. But thanks though.”

“No wait, please!” He said reaching out and grabbing her arm. “Seriously, we could really use someone like you.”

Valerie rolled her eyes and sighed. “I have no interest.”

He let go of her arm. “But I haven’t even told you what it is.”

Another sigh slipped out of her mouth. “Ok, I’ll bite.” She tilted her head at him, it was now or never.

“You ever heard of The Resistance?”

Valerie instantly smirked and turned away, walking straight to the door. She felt she had wasted her time enough, and she didn’t want to keep Shay waiting any longer. She was half way through the damp parking lot when she heard the man again calling to her.

“Valerie! Just give it some thought! My name is Isaac, I’ll be around!” He called from the bar door, Valerie lifted up a hand to acknowledge his words, though they really didn’t mean anything to her.

The Resistance was not something she had any interest in joining, though she didn’t keep up with any galaxy news, she knew they had more than enough support from within and from other planets. And on top of that, she wasn’t even sure if that man, ‘Isaac’, was even legit or just a drunk visitor experiencing their first brawler show. It didn't matter to her anyway, she just wanted to get home, check on Shay, and go to sleep.

The house was about a 15 minute walk from the bar and the rest of the ‘downtown’ strip, which was literally one clothing store and a grocery store. Valerie occasionally thought about opening up her own store there, selling imported gifts and goods, but it would be way too expensive to start up so she never went through with it. But she did miss all the little trinkets she used to collect. Sometimes Master Luke would take a group of padawans to a new planet for training, a new atmosphere to take in helped expand the mind and test skills in a different way. Valerie always made sure to buy at least something small wherever they visited. The one time they visited Kashyyyk she forgot to grab something, luckily one of her classmates had kept her in his mind and brought her back something when he visited. A small keychain, carved from the trees that grew on the planet and shaped like her star sign. It was one of the few things she still had from her past, hooked on to her keys to the bar back room and Shay’s house.

It was a habit of Valerie’s to knock on Shay’s front door before entering, he told her nearly every time for the first year she lived there that it was unnecessary but eventually gave up. She entered and closed the door behind her, noticing the light in the living room was on and she could hear the radio playing some folksy sound.

“Shay?” She called while taking her boots off.

“I’m in here, lass.” Called Shay from the living room. “How’d ya do tonight? I’m sorry I couldn’t make it but a certain gal wouldn’t let me leave the bloody house!”

Valerie shook her head at his sassy remark. “Because that certain gal knows you’d drink too much and have to carry you home.” She had no problem sassing him right back. “And it went well, I won.”

“Atta girl.” Shay sat on his favourite chair beside the window with the side table tucked close by. He turned the radio down slightly. “Shina get mad?”

Valerie took off her sweater and placed her bag down by the staircase. “No, not really.” She walked into the room and sat on the couch nearby. “She did good too, still needs some practice.”

“Ha.” Shay remarked. “As if that’ll help her beat ya.” He chuckled, making Valerie smile a bit. Shay was her number one fan from day one, and actually the reason why she joined the brawlers, he knew she’d be great at it and he wasn’t wrong.

“Oh, did you take your pills?” Valerie remembered and looked at him with focused eyes.

“Yes, yes, don’t worry Val. I knows I’m old but I’m not stupid, right.” Shay grumbled, he didn’t like how much she looked after him. Nothing would change his mind from seeing her as the young girl who had lost it all, after all these years he still felt the need to protect and provide for her. Even though she was the one making the money to support them now.

“I know. I just want to make sure.” Valerie held her hands up with innocence.

Shay took a drink from his glass of meiloorun juice, a bit of the red liquid dripping onto his graying beard. Valerie looked to the floor and played with her fingers, even though she acted like that apparent Resistance scouter didn’t matter to her, it started to cloud her head, she couldn’t put her finger on why exactly, but she began to feel things she hadn’t felt in years.

“What’s wrong?” Shay brought her back down from her head being in the clouds.

“Oh um…” She said quietly. “I don’t know. There was a guy at the bar tonight, said he was with The Resistance..” And right then and there, she regretted her words.

“The Resistance?!” Shay sat forward quickly. “Who was he? What did he want?”

Shay had brought up The Resistance several times throughout the years, he would sometimes suggest Valerie should leave Greyslough and go join. Valerie never listened to him of course, the thought of leaving the planet left her unsettled, and sometimes panicked.

“You know, never mind.” She said standing up from her seat.

“Valerie-” Shay began.

“No, I don’t even know if he actually was with The Resistance, he was probably just a drunk having his fun.” Valerie walked towards the stairs and picked up her belongings she had placed down. “It’s getting late anyway, you should get some sleep.”

“Valerie.” Shay started again, she stopped, one foot on the stairs. “This could be your chance.”

She hadn’t heard his voice this serious and bright, hopeful even, in years, or maybe ever.

Valerie turned to him slightly. “Shay, it's a chance I don’t want.”

“Dear, I know you’re probably scared..”

“Shay.”

“But you’ve got to move on from here some day.”

“Shay!” She raised her voice, she never did, not at him. She quickly caught herself and breathed. “That’s enough of this. I’m sorry, but goodnight.”

She felt upset that she had yelled, but she just hated hearing him say those things. She went upstairs and to her bedroom without another word, not from her or Shay. The door shut behind her with a small push as she began to change into her sleep clothes. Her mind felt so scattered, she didn’t know what to do to calm it. She sat on her bed, head in her hands as she breathed slowly and deeply. The house grew quiet as the radio downstairs was turned off. It only made her feel guilty for speaking the way she did to Shay.

There wasn’t much that could be done anyways. Valerie laid down in her bed, using what small portion of the force she still felt to flick off her light. But she quickly shot up from her position and looked at her hand. This was the first time she had used the force in almost 5 years, and it was instinctual, she didn’t even realize she was using it til the light was off. The last thing she needed was another topic rushing around her mind. Maybe that was why her force instincts had kicked in, too much going on. The force worked in funny ways, sometimes it required lots of focus and a clear mind, sometimes it could be used like second nature.

She blew out from her mouth. “Keep it calm, Valerie.” She whispered to herself, picking up her Peglin plush and holding it. You’ll be fine with some rest. She thought before laying back down and closing her eyes for the night.

#star wars fanfiction #star wars ff #star wars oc #star wars #kylo ren #ben solo #ben solo fanfic #Ben solo lives #ben solo x oc

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rights-for-redshirts · 1 year

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If someone knows a Star wars ff about a Skywalker and a non-force sensitive called Sense and Sensitivity, please let me know

#Sw #Star wars #Star wars ff

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nobie · 28 days

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people also ask: how to acquire a clone boyfriend? [template/insp]

#if you saw this before no you didn't #star wars #captain rex #the clone wars #tcwedit #swedit #starwarsblr #starwarscolors #usergif #userbariss #usernik #tusercora #usersansa #userelio #userksena #tw flashing #cw guns #this better post to my tag ffs #myedits*

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anatee · 11 months

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A sweet way to go | Anakin x Reader Smut 18+

A sweet way to go | Anakin Skywalker x Reader Smut. 18+. MINORS DNI.

Content: Anakin x Female!Padawan!reader, L/C is lighstaber colour, like two curse words, smut: piv (unprotected), risky, in water at that?

Word count: 6.9K

The sun was beginning to set over the Jedi temple as Y/N was walking through its quiet corridors, heading for dinner. There was nothing unusual about her day as Yoda's Padawan, well, until she heard a familiar voice from one of the rooms.

Anakin Skywalker. Her friend of almost five years, a fellow Padawan, and a handsome guy at that, one of the best views you could stumble upon at the temple. She peeked into the room and was surprised to find Anakin standing there on the polished floor, speaking to a group of twenty-something younglings who were listening to him intently.

Y/N smiled to herself as she crossed her arms and leaned against the door frame, wishing to watch this for a little longer. It was nice to see Anakin like this, in a bit of a different role, smiling and laughing with the kids, still as goofy as he always was, but at the same time he had this aura of a responsible, skilled master around him, one that only made him that much more attractive. His longish hair and open robe were simply a cherry on top, probably her favourite parts of his appearance that day... And every other.

The Force quickly alerted Anakin that a familiar soul was nearby, and it wasn't long before he spotted Y/N in the door and smirked at her immediately.

"Seems like we have an observer," he said loudly, making all the younglings turn to her. "How long have you been there?"

"Oh, sorry, professor." She laughed. "Maybe I wanted to join the class, huh?" she added in a playful tone, making him chuckle.

Anakin simply could not stop himself. "Really? Don't tell me you finally decided to learn how to hold a lightsaber properly?"

She opened her mouth in disbelief as she heard that, then walked up to him to smack him on the arm.

"Don't do that, kids," she said quickly as some younglings reacted with laughter.

"You heard her, kids." Anakin grinned. "Do not smack each other, even if you're messing around." He shot Y/N a knowing look, a clear sign he said that not for the kids, but just to mess with her.

She leaned in a little to whisper into his ear. "I'll strangle you once they're gone."

Anakin gave her a sly smile. "Don't make promises you can't keep, Y/N."

There was something in the way he said it that made a shiver run down her spine. She wasn't sure what, but he just did something to her - however, she had to compose herself quickly.

"Oh? Wanna bet?" She cocked an eyebrow.

"You're on." He sniggered, then cleared his throat and turned to the younglings, speaking loudly. "Now, as I was saying before we got so rudely interrupted," he shot her a quick look, "there are many stances that can help you in a fight. Some are meant to help you keep balance, some are meant to defend you from being disarmed. Like this one."

Anakin demonstrated the stance, his moves sharp and precise, his muscles flexing as he did, and Y/N watched him just as carefully as the younglings did, if not more. When she caught herself doing that, she immediately shook her head.

"Oh, no, kids, he's doing it wrong. Let me show you."

"So that's how it's gonna be, huh?" Anakin raised an eyebrow, smiling cheekily.

"Why don't we show the kids the moves in action?" She crossed her arms on her chest, and the kids immediately started whispering amongst each other in excitement.

"Are you suggesting a duel?"

Y/N shrugged. "Just to show the kids what to do." She turned to the younglings. "Do you want to see?"

Cheers erupted among the younglings. They were more than eager to see two experienced Padawans demonstrate a duel for them, and some of them were already trying to predict a winner.

"Alright then. Let's do it," Anakin said to Y/N's delight - she knew he would never give up on a challenge, especially if he got to show off.

She removed her lightsaber from the belt around her waist and ignited it. The L/C glow painted her face as she held the weapon in front of herself.

"Don't worry, kids." She smiled at them sincerely, then turned to Anakin with a smirk. "Your professor will be unscathed."

Anakin smirked right back at her, igniting his own lightsaber and getting into position, his eyes never leaving hers. "It's not me I would be worried about."

They both forgot about the younglings as they started to duel. Neither of them really intended to hurt the other, but that did not mean there wasn't anything interesting to watch. The kids gasped and sometimes even yelled in awe as two Padawans wielded their weapons, blocking each other with precision, avoiding blows of their opponents with swift movements. At first it was hard to tell who had the upper hand; they were both skilled, and even though Anakin had the advantage of being taller and just bigger in general, Y/N was smaller and could move a bit quicker. The kids were cheering on them both, reacting almost to every move.

However, Anakin's strength - or maybe his smug smile that distracted her greatly - was what gave him the advantage. He disarmed Y/N, and the younglings gasped collectively as her lightsaber rolled over the polished floor. Anakin smirked as she stood in front of him, defenseless, and pointed his weapon at her heart.

"Do you yield, Padawan?" he asked, as cocky as one can be. Y/N already knew she wasn't going to hear the end of it.

"Fuck you," she mouthed so the younglings would not hear it, but her words were clear enough to him, causing him to chuckle.

"Is that all you got?" he whispered, then spoke louder. "Do you yield?" He kept his lightsaber pointed at her, trying not to laugh.

She let out a defeated sigh, then put her hands up.

"Okay, okay, I give up." She sighed again and Anakin lowered his lightsaber and turned it off, smiling as though he was the king of the world.

"Sometimes, children, even if you really don't want to... You have to admit defeat," she added towards the kids.

"And this is how we disarm opponents, younglings." Anakin smirked, then bowed in front of the kids dramatically, for what they gave him a round of applause. Y/N rolled her eyes, then used the Force to pull her lightsaber back to herself.

"These poor kids having to put up with you..." she said to him quietly, shaking her head as the younglings kept on clapping.

"Oh, they love me," he replied proudly. "Right kids? Is my class fun?"

The kids erupted in cheers, making Y/N sigh again as she knew Anakin was loving every second of it.

"Sure..."

"You're just jealous because I'm a better teacher. I understand." He put a hand on her shoulder in mock comfort. "Not everyone can be as great as I am."

For that, Anakin got himself another smack on his arm.

"Hey!" He laughed. "Just because I can take it doesn't mean you should keep doing it!"

Despite his words, he did not stop smiling for a second, and the younglings were starting to giggle, too. "Kids, don't do it unless you wanna get punished."

"And how are you going to punish me, huh?" Y/N whispered. "Put me in the corner?"

It was almost as if a fire glazed over Anakin's eyes as he smirked and replied quietly:

"You'd be surprised."

She swallowed. He did something to her again, it was clear by the tingling sensation overcoming her body. The feeling was so overwhelming she wondered if he could sense it through the Force.

"Well, this will be all for today, younglings." Anakin turned to the kids. "I hope you enjoyed the class and my victory. Now off to dinner!"

The moment the kids started filing out, Y/N smacked him on the arm again.

"Hey!" He looked offended and amused at the same time. "Now you're just being mean."

She shrugged, smirking. "Someone has to keep you in check, Skywalker."

He bit his lip. "Maybe I like you keeping me in check?"

She wondered if he saw the effect these words had on her, as she had to swallow to compose herself. Heat was beginning to spread onto her

cheeks anyway, making it all harder to reply.

"Cheeky bastard," she hissed. "You should be glad there's someone willing to sacrifice themselves for the job."

Anakin just grinned at her. "What are you up to now?"

She shrugged. "Dinner, I guess."

"Oh, right. It's that hour... I'll go with you then." He walked up to the door and bowed slightly. "Ladies first," he said just to tease her, and it worked.

She snorted as she walked out of the room. "Not you pretending to be a gentleman after literally pointing your lightsaber at my throat."

Anakin seemed completely unbothered at that. He chuckled as he followed her out of the room and then walked beside her through the corridor.

"Oh, excuse me, missy," he tried to poke her in the ribs, but she jumped to the side quickly, "but I believe it's you who suggested that duel."

"Just for the kids!" She laughed, but then got a bit more serious. "But in all seriousness, Anakin, I admire your work. These kids seemed to really like you. I would never take you for a teacher, but it seems like you're doing a good job."

"Thank you, Y/N, that means a lot. I really try to make it work for them, you know?

After dinner, which was not lacking constant banter, they both headed to their respective quarters with smiles on their faces.

Y/N began her next day at dawn. Master Yoda always strongly recommended meditation, especially after experiencing strong emotions, and she definitely had a hard time forgetting what Anakin made her feel the day before. On one hand, they teased each other like always, but on the other, she felt there was something else, something that never occurred to her before.

The meditation room was empty at that time of the day, allowing her to bathe in the morning sun. She sat crossed-legs in front of the large windows, allowing the rays to hug her body with pleasant warmth. She wasn't wearing her usual Jedi robe, just a white, tight tunic, allowing her to move swiftly.

The quietness of the empty room really helped her focus on her breathing, on communicating with the Force. With her eyes closed, she allowed herself to give into the meditation completely, taking slow, deep breaths. Peace was overcoming her entirely for quite some time, until...

The Force told her someone was there, in the room, somewhere behind her. A very familiar presence, one she knew so well she had no problem in sensing who it was. There went her efforts...

She smiled to herself, not opening her eyes. "Hmm... I'm sensing an idiot."

A familiar chuckle echoed in the spacious room. Anakin could not help himself; he also sensed her presence there while walking by the room and he didn't intend on losing the opportunity to tease her. The thing was, she was even faster to do it than him, and that may have been one of his favourite things about her.

"Is that so?" he replied innocently, slowly approaching her from behind. "And where is he?"

She smirked as the sound of his voice confirmed what the Force already told her. "There he is."

"Oh, so I'm an idiot?" he teased as he stood right behind her, close enough for his robes to brush against her back. It did cause some tingling in her, a pleasant sensation one could crave.

"Yeah, but I kind of like that," she admitted before she could even realise how it might have sounded. Anakin struck right back.

He smirked. "Lucky me. So are you into idiots?"

That question sent a shot of adrenaline through her entire body, one that made her quiver slightly. It was flat out flirting, no one could deny that, and it was the last thing she was supposed to be doing, the very thing she tried to protect herself from by meditation. Yet there he was, Anakin Skywalker, the very menace she could not refuse.

"Why, are you applying for the position of my crush or something?" she bit back, her tone playful, but there was some nervousness in the back of her head, even though she knew he would take it as a joke.

Her eyes were still closed, but she could sense him walk to stand in front of her, some of his body blocking the sunlight.

"Do I even need to apply? I'd say I win the auditions without doing that."

"Excuse me?"

"Tell me I'm wrong." He grinned. "I have many admirers, but..."

"Many admirers?" She smirked, keeping her eyes closed, which made it so much easier not to get charmed by his smile. "Are we talking about these younglings? Aged eight or something?”

"Oh, just admit that you're jealous, Y/N."

She took a moment before responding. Maybe she was. Maybe just a tiny bit. She knew he had admirers and at the same time, she could not blame them, he was very easy to be smitten with. But that definitely wasn't something she was going to admit.

She snorted. "I am very much unbothered, thank you very much."

"Mhm..."

She knew he was not buying it, but it was all a part of their little game they both absolutely adored.

"You really want me not to focus here. And here I thought I could meditate today." She shook her head, still keeping her eyes closed.

"Oh, am I distracting you?"

This was an understatement.

He stood directly in front of her, blocking the sunlight, then squatted so their faces were at the same level.

"Why don't you open your eyes for me?" he asked, smirking, almost as if he knew she could see his face through the Force.

"Because I don't want to get out of my meditation state."

"Oh, so if you saw me, you wouldn't be able to concentrate, huh? Can't blame you, I am quite charming after all..."

She sighed, feeling the cockiness radiate off him. "Does your ego still fit this temple or should we build it an extra room?"

He sniggered. "I'd say it's big, but it's for a reason. I am pretty awesome, after all."

"Oh? And what else is big about you, Skywalker?"

Risky. This question was risky, but she couldn't help herself. The urge to flirt with him was strong, and the fact that her eyes were still closed gave her more courage.

Anakin did feel the atmosphere in the room change slightly when she said that, but he did nothing to release the constantly growing tension between them - on the contrary, he was enjoying it.

She could not see him, but she knew there was a smug smile on his face in that very moment.

"My lightsaber is quite big."

Y/N coughed, trying not to look for any deeper meaning. "Is that so?"

"How long are you going to just sit there pretending you do not want to see me?"

She sighed again, refusing to open her eyes. "Obi-Wan must be a saint for putting up with you."

"Oh, come on." Anakin rolled his eyes. "Obi-Wan would be the last person to call a saint. He is very patient, but do not give him that much credit." He chuckled.

"But if he has you as his Padawan, he must be doing some sort of penance."

Through the Force she could see that Anakin rolled his eyes once more, making her snigger. He didn't reply, taking a moment to look over her body, enjoying how the tunic hugged her curves; it wasn't often he saw her without the robe, which hid all the best parts. He couldn't help but wonder what that tunic was covering, too.

"Does your silence mean I win?" She teased after a moment. "Can I continue my meditation in peace?"

He let out a sigh, one she did not quite like. "You really want me gone, huh?"

That was, of course, not the case, even if her meditation was ruined.

"You are welcome to join me," she said quickly, and he raised an eyebrow.

"You know I'm not the best at being silent," he said eventually with a small, somehow nervous laugh. "But if I can do it with you, I'm willing to try. Will you teach me?"

Finally, for the first time, Y/N smiled genuinely and opened her eyes. There he was, attractive as always, a meter in front of her, giving her a smile that could melt hearts.

"There we go. These beautiful eyes of yours." He beamed, and she swallowed quickly, so he wouldn't see the effect these words had on her.

"I think you could do with some meditation." She chuckled. "Sit in front of me then."

He obeyed eagerly and settled himself on the floor right in front of her, cross-legged. She didn't even think of telling him he should keep some distance; he sat as close as he could to her, their knees touching. She did not comment on that, but her body did react, sending a heatwave through her as the Force whirling in that small space between them seemed to be almost vibrating. These were definitely not good conditions for meditation.

She put her hands on his shoulders, almost absent-mindedly. "Sit up straight. Relax your shoulders a little."

He obeyed, and she could see he was truly listening. At that moment, it was difficult to stop herself from touching him just once more. Although it was unnecessary, she grabbed his wrists delicately and guided his hands onto his knees.

"Keep your hands here," she said softly, glancing at his face to look for any indication that he might have not liked the touch, but the smile on his face couldn't be missed. "And close your eyes." She brought her hands to his face as if to demonstrate, and that was quite the intimate touch. Anakin must have noticed that, too.

"Are you sure you need to do that? I can close them myself, you know."

A blush creeped onto her cheeks. She got lost for a moment there, she really did, but how could she not?

"Oh, sorry for trying to help you, Skywalker," she retorted to save herself. He smiled, and that was the last thing she saw before closing her eyes again, but that view stayed etched into her mind.

"Okay... And what now?"

"You breathe. You reach out. Nothing exists but you and the Force. I'm not here, the room is not here, the temple is not here... Deep, nice breaths."

"Alright," Anakin replied, genuinely wanting to listen to her advice. He was usually too reckless, too hotheaded for something like meditation, however, he was willing to learn - especially if it meant spending some time with her, one on one.

"Is there anything else I should do?"

"No blabbering." She chuckled. "Just focus on your breathing."

And so he did, trying to listen to her advice, truly enjoying that moment. However, it was hard to feel completely at peace when she was this close, their knees still touching, and the Force screaming at him that she was there. Her presence was soothing and exciting at the same time, making him feel things he knew the Jedi Council would not approve of. Fortunately, there was no Jedi Council in that room, nobody to judge his feelings... Unless Y/N sensed them.

It felt somehow intimate. Sitting there with her in complete peace and silence, breathing, the Force whirling around them, the rays of sunlight hugging their bodies... No words were spoken, but an invisible bond seemed to be forming between them, and Y/N noticed it too.

Anakin could not help it. Focus was never his strong suit, especially in her presence, and so he opened his eyes to look at her, enjoying her face from up close. She didn't seem to sense that and kept sitting there with nothing but peace on her face.

She really looked beautiful. Her face was relaxed completely, and he could see each and every detail of it like never before. He did miss her eyes - they were much prettier when open - but there was something else he could focus on, and that were her lips. Rosy, innocent, and just so kissable, although Anakin should not even think about it.

And yet he did.

"You're beautiful, Y/N," he said quietly, his tone warm, lacking any playfulness. He was sincere, there was no doubt about it.

Y/N was caught off guard so much she opened her eyes immediately. Anakin's voice was quiet, but in that vast, empty room, even the smallest whisper was noticeable. Her heart started pounding against her chest as she found his face much closer than before.

"Oh?" was all she could say as he looked at her, a smile dancing at the corners of his lips. "Do you... Really think so?" she asked, as she had to be sure.

"I have always thought so," he admitted loud and clear.

Anakin's voice echoed against the walls. Once it was gone, the room went dangerously quiet; the only sound they could hear was Y/N's heavy breathing. What was she supposed to do now, when he was staring at her lips, giving her a clear idea of what he wanted to do? The Force was pulling her towards him, not away.

Anakin couldn't stop himself. He's never been this close with her, and, as if it wasn't enough - alone. Her lips were irresistible, and so was the Force pulling him towards her. He felt dryness in his mouth he didn't expect to feel at that moment. It seemed ages before he even moved, but when he did, everything happened quickly. He leaned in even closer, a bare inch from her lips, and her heart began speeding up; it was the last thing she expected him to do. She could hear that pounding and became a bit scared of how close they were, yet did nothing to distance herself. It was a decision he made in a split second - before he could change his mind, before he could lose the courage, and before he could hear his Jedi conscience - he kissed her.

It was a short kiss, but full of so many emotions they had been both suppressing for a long time, emotions that finally reached its destination. For a moment, they were both overwhelmed by happiness, until the guilt started to kick in, and they pulled away reluctantly, as if someone was trying to disconnect two magnets constantly searching for the other.

For a moment, they both just stared at each other. Y/N's cheeks were flushed; she wondered if he could see that, but was that really what she should be worried about? They were breaking the Jedi Code they both swore to obey; that kiss confirmed to them they were both already attached to each other.

The silence seemed to be endless, before Y/N cleared her throat and finally spoke, trying to articulate any comprehensive noise in the state of complete shock.

"Anakin... I..."

"I know. We should not have." Her voice seemed to wake him up, as he let out a disappointed sigh. "But I can't help the way I feel. I listened to the Force."

She swallowed and looked down. "I did, too."

The silence devoured them after that. They were both conflicted, feeling guilty and euphoric at the same time. How were they supposed to ignore the pounding of their hearts, the only thing they could hear at that moment?

"We have to forget about this," she said finally, knowing this was the only reasonable option. But were they reasonable at all...?

"I know." He swallowed. "But... I don't think that will be possible."

Their eyes met again, and Y/N could not think about anything else other than how much she wanted to kiss him again, more confidently this time, to let herself notice the details the first kiss was too shocking to allow her to register... But she could not, just like him, as he almost had to use the Force itself to stop himself from leaning in again.

"I'm sensing Obi-Wan." Anakin sighed. "He's somewhere near. I'd better... I'd better go."

"Yeah..."

Neither of them wanted to part, but they knew that physical separation might have been the only answer to restrain their desires at that moment. They had to stop before they would do something they would regret.

The problem was, they did not regret that kiss.

Three long days passed without them seeing each other as Anakin was assigned some minor missions, but he didn't stop thinking about that kiss even for a second. Even Obi-Wan pointed out his Padawan seemed a bit less focused, but Skywalker quickly dismissed it. However, the tension between him and Y/N was more present than ever, even stronger than before that kiss. Now that he knew she was just as drawn to him as he was to her, keeping himself in check was agonising.

Y/N could barely handle her thoughts, too. That's what led her to the Jedi baths that one evening; she knew no one usually used them very late, and now, more than ever, she needed the hot water to relax her muscles - and maybe her emotions, too.

The baths were completely quiet that night. The air was humid and warm from the hot water kept in big pools, making it a bit harder to breathe once you entered. Spacious room dimly lit by a small light source in the corner enveloped anyone there in a calm, cosy atmosphere.

Y/N stood at the edge of the pool in just her robe and untied it, then let it fall to the floor. Completely naked, she slowly submerged herself in the hot water, allowing it to hug her muscle by muscle, until it covered her up to her collarbone. She sat there and took a deep breath, allowing the sweetly-scented foam to stick to her skin.

Every time she closed her eyes, her mind took her back to that moment. The kiss that made her body feel as though it was on fire, the kiss that she craved to experience at least once more. Would that be such a sin? To enjoy this rush of dopamine once more, the intimacy the Jedi were deprived of?

The silence of the room was only disturbed by the soft splashing sound every time she moved. She kept her eyes closed, breathing in and out steadily as if meditating, trying to trust the Force and wherever it was leading her thoughts to.

Her eyes flew open when both the Force, and the sound of the door opening alerted her that someone was near. She looked towards the entrance, and her eyes quickly confirmed what her heart already knew; it was him.

"Anakin?" she said in surprise, her voice echoing against the walls.

Seeing him now made her whole body tense despite the relaxing water. Thoughts of how to react or what to say flooded her mind completely; how were they supposed to act now? Like nothing happened?

"Hey, Y/N," he replied in such a tone that made her decide to play it cool. Act like nothing happened. Forget. That was what they were supposed to do, right?

She watched him come out of the darkness as he approached her; he was wearing just a robe and had a towel on his shoulder. He was there just for a bath, she told herself, although her heart made her think otherwise. She decided to do what she was best at - tease him, just to release a little of that tension.

"How come the baths are always empty... And when I decided to come, you're suddenly here too?"

Anakin chuckled softly. "I'd say the Force led me here."

He kept his eyes on her. They wandered to her shoulders and collarbone, his mind racing as it imagined what could be hidden below, underneath the foam. To say she looked beautiful to him was, no doubt, an understatement. Anakin wondered how much longer he could keep himself in control of his emotions, getting hot under the collar.

"How fortunate you can always say it's the Force," she teased, surprised how easy it was to do that despite the elephant in the room.

"I am a lucky guy, huh?" He smirked, then walked to the side of the pool, keeping a small distance from where she was sitting. "So... Can I join you?

Y/N swallowed hard. She did not know how to imagine both of them being in one room, so close to each other, naked. At the same time, she knew she would be a fool to say no. He was absolutely irresistible, especially while smiling like he was at the moment.

"Be my guest."

He gave her another small smile, then put his towel on the floor. His hands were just about to start untying his robe when his eyes locked with hers.

"I have to take my clothes off."

She chuckled. "Yes, that's how bathing usually works."

Anakin shook his head in disbelief. "When did you get this feisty, love?"

A shiver went through her entire body when he called her that, but she didn't let him see it. Instead, she bit back again.

"I was always like that, Ani. Maybe you need to be a bit more perceptive."

"Oh, I will be perceptive, trust me."

She cleared her throat as he noticed Anakin's eyes wander to where her chest was raising under the foam as her breathing became heavier.

"I will look away." She turned her head to the side. "You can take off that robe comfortably."

Anakin did not comment on that, for he could not find a good answer. On one hand, he was thankful, on the other... Would he really mind if she looked?

"Right then..."

Anakin began slowly untying his robe as Y/N did everything in her mind not to look. But with the corner of her eye, she could see just a bit of that toned, perfect body she had dreamed of; Maker, if she could just...

Completely naked, he stood there for a moment, as if pondering what to do now. Eventually, he slowly lowered himself into the bath, a safe distance of around a meter away from her.

She looked up finally. The foam was covering him up to his nipples, but it still left uncovered enough of his body for her to stare at. She tried to remain composure, but with every passing moment it was beginning harder and harder to ignore how attractive she found him.

Y/N wondered what to say in order to make the situation a bit less tense. She coughed loudly, then took a deep breath.

"Well... How did your latest missions go? Anything out of the ordinary?"

Anakin seemed surprised by the question, but he quickly recovered.

"No, just some usual escorts. Everything went smoothly."

"Good to hear."

The conversation was extremely awkward, and Anakin had enough of it even after just these few words. He decided to cut to the chase.

"And I've been thinking about you all the time."

She took a deep breath. She knew she shouldn't be surprised, as she had been nothing but thinking about him, too, yet him saying it out loud made her heart race, just as much as his earlier appearance.

"Y/N, tell me... Do you regret what happened?"

Anakin asked directly.

"Of course I don't," she blurted out, "I... I only wish we could do it again. But I know we shouldn't."

"We shouldn't, yes, I know that, too." He swallowed, then looked her up and down. "But I can't control myself right now, Y/N. Not when we're here like this and you..." His eyes focused on where the foam began covering her body as he let his imagination run wild again. "You look breathtaking."

"Anakin..."

She only heard water splashing as he moved closer to her. They both almost shivered as their naked arms touched, and so did more of their bodies underneath the water. It could be lethal, that touch, more dangerous than any weapon in this galaxy.

"Why can't we do it again? Would this be such a crime?"

He leaned in just a little, yet enough to make her feel hotter, and it had nothing to do with the water. Force was whirling around them again, seemingly pushing them towards each other, yet Y/N tried to resist... One last time.

"Our Masters would not like that," she whispered in such a tone that let Anakin know she already made up her mind... To his benefit.

"Yes, they wouldn't," he said quietly, cupping her face with his hand and caressing her cheek gently with his thumb. He looked into her eyes, both affection and desire glowing in his own ss he asked:

"But would you?"

Only a soft sigh managed to escape her lips before Anakin captured them with his own. There it was, the dream, the trance, the absolute bliss of kissing him again. It could have been real fire flowing through her veins when her hands wandered to his hair, tugging on it desperately in an attempt to bring him even closer. She could die right there and then, fulfilled.

The baths, the temple, the whole galaxy seemed to be fading away as Anakin's other hand landed on her back. His fingers caressed her bare skin with undeniable need, exploring mindlessly as his head was clouded with the taste of her lips, soft, sweet, irresistible.

The idea of getting caught didn't even cross Anakin's mind at that moment. His focus was on her and only on her, on that body he was ready to worship.

They pulled away after what seemed like an eternity, but still stayed close, their foreheads leaning against each other.

"I want you," Anakin whispered, his hand moving from her cheek to her nape almost possesively. "I want you so bad, Y/N."

These words were enough to make her forget any doubts she might have had about this, as they could have got caught... But did anything really matter then? Anything other than Anakin, his smile, his large hands on her body, his eyes piercing through her?

"I want you too," she whispered back, and soon found herself pressed against the edge of the pool as Anakin's lips met with hers again.

He kept one hand on her nape as he allowed the other to wander, giving her goosebumps as he went. Eventually, he began massaging her thigh underneath the water, slowly but surely moving towards her abdomen.

Lips were not enough for Anakin at that moment. Drunk on desire, he began planting kissing down her jaw, then slowly reached her neck, allowing himself to taste it in ways more than one. The moment he decided to go for just a soft bite, the quietest of moans escaped her lips, echoing loudly in the empty room along with the splashing of the water.

"I could listen to this all night," he whispered, hot breath blowing against her neck and adding to the sensation.

"What if someone hears?" she said in a rush as she caught herself willing to give him many more sounds to enjoy.

"Then they will meet with my lightsaber..." he replied as his kiss became more and more feverish, and she could not even find the strength to argue, dizzy with the pleasure all of this was bringing her.

Slowly but surely, with endless enthusiasm, he began planting passionate kisses down her collarbone. He wanted to go even further, but the foam stopped him.

"Can I?" he rasped out, breathless from the constant kisses.

"Yes," she panted.

Having receieved the permission, Anakin grabbed her by the hips and lifted her slightly in the pool, uncovering her breasts. He took a moment to take in the sight, one that made his heart pound even faster. She expected to feel shy, but for some reason, she did not - she wanted him to see all of this.

He began kissing her further down, his hands on her hips to keep her steady. But he couldn't forget about the view, about the curves he had just uncovered, and let himself lose control. His mouth found one of her nipples, and he licked it just barely in order to see her reaction.

She gasped, a shiver going down her spine. "Anakin..."

"You liked it?"

"Yes..."

"Then I won't stop." He smirked, as he gave her one more lick, one that made him feel drunk. "You're addicting."

His mouth took care of her first nipple, then the other, pulling a few moans out of her as they hardened. She put her hands on the edge of the bath to keep herself steady as his lips and tongue worked wonders on the sensitive body. She craved him, all of him, and just his mouth was beginning to not be enough.

He felt her hips buckle under his hands, so he took that as a clear sign she wanted to go further just as much as he did. He stopped kissing her, gave one last glance at the closed door that could be opened at any time, then decided to fuck it again.

"I want to take you, right now," he whispered into her ear, sending fire through her body.

"Then do that," she rasped in response, almost

taking him by surprise at how eager she sounded.

He sat down, then pulled her onto his lap in the water, the splashing sounds mixing with their panting. She ran her hands down his chest, slowly, as if trying to remember each and every muscle she only could look at before...

And then her hands reached between his legs, this time getting a groan out of him. Their eyes locked and they kissed hungrily once more, before Y/N positioned herself... And slowly took him in, all of him, her clit throbbing.

The new sensation made them both pull away to gasp for air. She needed a moment to adjust to his size, then steadied herself by grabbing his shoulders.

"They would kill us for this," she breathed out eventually, thinking how there was no escape now... No turning back.

"But what a sweet way to go," he whispered, his smirk sending a wave of excitement through her. She was ready for whatever he had in store for her.

His hands were back on her hips, digging into them to keep her in place.

"I've never wanted anything else more," he said huskily, leaning his forehead against hers. "You... I want you, Y/N."

"It doesn't get any closer to having me, Anakin," she replied quickly, giving him a clear sign that now they could both move.

And so he did, slowly at first, before they both found their pace. Splashing of the water echoed against the room as they moved against each other. Anakin seemed to get off on the ability to fill her up completely, pushing his hips as far into her as he could. And it seemed to do the trick, pulling a moan after moan out of her while his mouth went back to her neck.

The amount of sensations was overwhelming for her; his hands strong on her hips, his teeth just barely grazing the tender skin on her neck, him dragging his cock with all the force he could master, all of their breathing and water splashing echoing in her head... And, as if that were not enough, there was the constant rush of adrenaline coming with the thought that they might get caught at any given moment. She knew he could send her over the edge easily...

"You feel... So good..." she moaned out, rocking her hips to meet his. She threw her head back, allowing him more access to her neck as he continued the absolute mania of licking, sucking and biting.

Suddenly, she heard him let out a loud groan, the grip on her hips loosening when he moved them down to grab her butt.

"I'm..." was the only thing he managed to get out before two powerful pumps that felt like tearing her apart, and soon, he filled her to the brim, breathing heavily in pleasure.

Anakin did not even cool down before his hand wandered under the water, straight to her clit, and he began rubbing it quickly just to bring her to the edge that much faster. A gasp, a moan, and a few rocks later her nails left trails of red on his back when her walls clenched around his cock.

She cried out in pleasure as the orgasm rocked through her, allowing her to experience emotions she never even thought possible. They both stopped moving, and she fell onto his shoulder, trying to catch a breath while the last moments of bliss faded away.

How could feeling so good be such a sin...?

"Well, now... Now I'm definitely not forgetting about this," Anakin admitted, planting the softest of smooches on her head, so different from the hungry kisses that now marked her body. "But I'm afraid Obi-Wan might sense my thoughts about this from a mile away."

She laughed to herself, then raised her head to give him one last longing kiss on the lips.

"Well, how did you say it... What a sweet way to go."

#anakin #anakin skywalker #skywalker #anakin x reader #anakin skywalker x reader #anakin skywalker smut #anakin smut #star wars #star wars smut #fanfiction #fanfic #ff #smut #jedi

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falconfeather23435 · 2 months

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Can we talk about how legendary Wolffe’s entrance was though? Like, the writers knew what they were doing when they had him appear at the end of ep6 like that, with the turn & everything

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synthwwavve · 1 year

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what if we made sustained homoerotic eye contact while reigniting the great forge of mandalore 😳 and we were both women 😳 just kidding.... haha... unless?.. .

#bo-katan kryze #the armorer #nitearmor #armorkatan #barmorer #my art #fuck i was trying to reupload this so it wouldn't be blurry but nothing i do ever makes my art not upload shitty ffs #the mandalorian #star wars #synthart

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phantom-of-the-501st · 1 year

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Me when someone says they don't like Echo

#i'm kidding #have whatever opinion you want #although kinda not kidding #because i will judge your taste #i am going to have so much fun with picture #perfect reaction material #star wars #the bad batch #the bad batch season 2 spoilers #the bad batch spoilers #tbb spoilers #echo #arc trooper echo #tbb echo #with this picture not with picture ffs #i can't be bothered to go back and change that now #oh well

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prahacat · 9 days

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theory on the fluidity of minds and souls

The first three acts of Asajj’s life. A how-to on finding yourself. Experimental prose, 1k words | Read on ao3

How to be a Jedi

(1) Don’t listen to the old man.

(2) Child, he says, don’t cry. Here on Rattatak, we are Jedi the best we can. Here’s how to be a temple to each other: brush the red dust from your face before you go to sleep. Brush the dust from his face too. Share the dirty water without flinching, like trusting him comes natural and easy to you. Teach him what to eat, cook for him stews of insects and herbs and if he won’t eat those, tell him you’re sorry, this is all you have. This is all anyone has. Sit and guard the fire while he sleeps; trust him to guard you while you do the same. When you move up north, don’t light a fire at night so the warlords won’t spot you.

(3) Learn to be kind.

(4) When they kill him

don’t rage

grieve

but don’t rage, don’t let it consume you

How to be a Sith

(1) Don’t listen to the old man.

(2) All men are liars. So are the women, so is everyone, but the men are more dangerous to you, especially the older ones. Never let him know (he knows anyway). Forget. Never look back. Don’t cry when he throws lightning at you; when you’re alone again, press your fingers against your temples to relieve the headache. Make the silence your friend. Ask questions, but don’t ask too many or the wrong ones; his anger will teach you which are the wrong ones. Watch out for his anger, but learn to watch out for his sharp-edged smiles too. If he offers you food or a weapon, take it; if he gives you a name, hunt them down. If he offers you a glass of wine, sit and drink and look for the lesson: which tool is he trying to shape you into? A blade, a shadow, a shield, a smoke bomb? Be grateful for what you have because he is offering you more power than he offered anyone else, because he thinks you can take the lessons and not fail, the way so many others did.

So this is how you will live: be wary of cups you haven’t filled yourself. Hide daggers everywhere: in your boots, under the folded cloak you use as a makeshift pillow, in your dreams. Keep the holoproj next to your bedroll, make sure it’s always charged, make sure it’s never muted. Here’s a list of essential things you need to have at hand at all times: spare energy cores for your saber, medpacs and bactaspray, stimcaf and sleeptabs, protein wafers in an osmosis pack in case you can’t swallow anything. It’s better not to stare at the stars for too long when you’re traveling. Navigation is all they’re good for. Be grateful for what you have. It’s really all you need: a place for the pain to go and a place to come home to. It doesn’t matter if they’re the same place, and if one day you should catch him pressing his fingers against his temples, pretend you didn’t see. Go skewer some boys instead. There’s that Jedi again: flirt, tease, smile at him with your dewberry-colored lips and painted eyes, so he knows you want to be here, you enjoy what you are. And if you suspect or know that he too has a list of essential things, and that his list is the same as yours, the same as everyone’s these days, don’t let on.

(3) Never forget to hate yourself.

(4) Don’t fall for the blade, it’s not your friend; it will take away everything you own. It’s very simple. He won’t protect you. You can’t protect them. Always expect betrayal; always expect loss.

And when that day comes

—it will inevitably come—

remember your grief and how it was a dull, useless knife to you.

How to be a ???

How to figure out what who you are

(1) Stay alone.

(2) Boil the water before you use it for soup. Strain it and collect the pulp, the gritty dark things you don’t know how to name. Everything tastes like ashes and dust, that’s all you know. Buy some soap and scrub your hands. If you wake with a start in the middle of the night, pressure crushing your chest and your breathing quick and ragged in the quiet of your room, remember to inhale, count to four, exhale, count to four. Lie still and watch the darkness shed from the light. In the morning, roam the markets, buy something against the headache, something to hide your face, something to scrub your hands. When you walk through the streets, pull your hood low. Tell the spice dealers to leave you alone, always stop after one glass of whiskey, tell the men at the corner to fuck off. There will be days when you wake in unfamiliar places; at least try not to have two of them in a row if you can help it. Watch the sunrise. Tell no-one about your past (they know anyway; probably). Always expect betrayal, always expect loss. Forget. Never look back.

(3) Learn to be kind again.

(4) Get some credits, buy a saber; any saber you can find, as long as it’s still alive. Hold it in your hand, gently, feel the worn hilt that has passed through other hands. Were they cruel? Were they kind? Maybe. Did they protect, did they kill? Who knows. It doesn’t matter to you.

Here’s what you need to do to make this saber yours:

calibrate the focusing ring, install a strong core, toss away the parts you don’t need, polish the metal often, swing the saber daily, trust your hand again, close your eyes, listen, be patient, feel how your crystal talks to you, feel it resonate, feel it hum, learn a new language.

Yellow is a good color.

It’s going to take a long time.

#asajj ventress #ventress #star wars fanfiction #pls help me i'm so emotional abt her. i had to write something #no tbb spoilers here #unless you didn't know about the saber #my ff #prahacat writes

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light-yaers · 2 years

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Right Where You Left Me: Chapter Three

Fic Masterpost | AO3

Warnings: swearing, alcohol, implied sexual content, flirting, eventual sexual content/smut, 18+

Find the chapter list here

Word Count: 6.4k

Chapter Three

The anxiety eats away at you every day, up until try outs. You study and attend lectures with Heidi, you read until 4am, you wake up worried. Sometimes, you find yourself looking at your phone as if waiting for something; for time to stop, for the clock to change, for you to be shoved into your fourteen-year-old sleeping body as if this was all some horrible dream.

You see Poe a few times around campus, but it’s minimal. Honestly, if you weren’t already aware of his existence, you probably wouldn’t have noticed him in the bustling halls or the giant cafeteria or reading textbooks on the bleachers when suddenly lacrosse practice starts.

That’d happened two days after Snap’s party, and you’d all but fled before Poe could even approach you. Snap had waved, though. You’d waved back as fast as you could before grabbing your things and getting the fuck off the field.

It still felt odd, knowing that he was here.

It felt surreal.

God, if you could have it your way, you never would have seen the man again just to make both of your lives easier. A blissful existence away from the torment of your shared childhood trauma—

But no; nowhe lives ten minutes away from you all over again.

And you still can’t talk about it properly. A lump the size of fucking Jupiter still pops up in both of your throats as soon as that silence trickles over you, where you’re both left with that nagging part of your brains that’s yelling TALK TO EACH OTHER.

“Couples therapy could work?” Heidi suggests in the library, and you snort so loud you garner some head turns to your table. “What!” she whispers harshly. “It could work,”

“Shut the fuck up,” you blurt out in spluttering whispers, almost crying with laughter over your book notes.

“You guys talked though, right?”

“Define talked?” you reply quietly, flipping through the thick and rubbery pages of your poem anthology.

“Said words to each other about things that you needed to talk about after seven years?” she muttered quickly.

“If that’s what that means then sure, we talked. Sort of,” you reply.

“Sort of? Only you and Poe could sort of talk to each other—,”

“Hey,” you whisper harshly, as Heidi’s voice raises ever so slightly in volume; enough for other tables to hear. “The library is not exactly a prime location for having this conversation, is it?”

Heidi smiles at you deviously. “That’s exactly what you and Dameron say to each other when you get close to talking,”

You lob the anthology at her without any hesitation. The two of you promptly leave the library after.

“If I lose library privileges because of you, prepare to feel my fucking wrath,” you threaten her outside, as the two of you bound down the stairs with giggles on your lips.

“You’re cute when you threaten me,” Heidi sends you a smug smile.

You only have enough energy to roll your eyes at her, before the clock tower strikes six o’clock in the evening. Your heart drops into your stomach—an hour to go until try outs. Heidi sees your expression falter and takes a reassuring step closer to you.

“Don’t stress, girl. He’s not worth it,” she says smartly. “Besides—he was the one that practically begged you to try out for his team,”

“That’s the part that makes me feel even more stressed, funnily enough,” you let out, as the two of you stroll around campus in the beginnings of the autumn sunset. “What if he’s playing me?”

Heidi immediately snorts. “Poe Dameron is not capable of playing anyone when it comes to lacrosse. Women? Sure, he’s a dickhead. This is his game, girl. He wouldn’t fuck it up for anyone, especially not himself,”

“What if he invited me to try out just so he can humiliate me?”

Heidi’s expression turns thoughtfully sad when the words leave your mouth. She turns her gaze to the walkway ahead of her, taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly as you continue to stroll in silence.

You’d never seen Heidi so... silent. Quietly picking the correct words to use, taking her time to sound out the sentence in her mind before her mouth actually said it.

“You really don’t see what I see, do you?” she says finally, and you don’t know how to react to something that sounds so serious.

“I don’t know what you mean,” you let out lowly, swallowing back some anxiety that had made its way up your throat. Heidi looks down at the ground, at a loss for words. You stop abruptly on the walkway, confused. “Heidi?”

She lifts her head up and sighs. “It’s nothing. It doesn’t matter,”

“Hey—,” you begin, but she cuts you off when she turns to you with a smile and places her hands on your shoulders comfortably.

“Enough Poe talk,” she says quickly, beaming at you like sunshine. “Go and kick his ass on the field,”

“You’re not coming?” you say sadly.

“Closed practice, girl. Always is for try outs,”

It was oddly sad when Heidi left, leaving you on your own in the centre of campus. The lacrosse field was behind the cafeteria, so you strolled there while you had the time. The entire walk you felt sick—that empty feeling in the bottom of your stomach where you might need to eat, but the thought of food also made you want to vomit.

The sunset loomed over the field warmly, but all you felt inside was a bitter cold that you knew you wouldn’t be able to shake until you had a stick in your hands and boots on your feet.

The changing rooms were standard—pasty cinder block walls and a smell that reminds you of chlorine, despite the pool being on the other side of campus. They’re empty, much to your delight. There will be others soon, other girls and women and men all mixed together on a muddy field, shouting and aiming at each other for fun.

Was this fun? Was it ever?

Poe had always been a major reason you’d enjoyed the sport growing up, but after he left, he ended up taking a portion of that passion with him. You still watched games when you could, still loved going to live matches, but there was a certain shine that no longer surrounded lacrosse in your mind—

Until now, maybe.

You drop your bag to the floor and rummage through it clumsily, picking out some shorts, a sports bra and a shirt. You don’t have lacrosse boots anymore, just running trainers, but they’ll have to do for now.

You strip in silence, rhythmically folding your clothes before shoving the sports bra over your head and squishing your breasts into it. Whoever invented the sports bra was a saint in your eyes—comfort, sometimes stylish, giving you the ability to run up and down the stairs without your ladies falling out.

You drop your trousers, ready to jump into some shorts when the changing room door bursts open—

“... and so, I said to her; I have a stick, you have a vodka and lemonade, who do you think is going to win?” the first woman inside was saying, right before three others followed her into the room. You panicked and froze as the main girl stopped abruptly. “Oh,” she let out bouncily. “You’re Poe’s friend,”

Poe’s friend.

You chuckle awkwardly while pulling up the shorts quickly, almost stumbling over your own feet. She comes forward with a harsh face—stern eyes, black as night hair. Even though she’s shorter than you, she intimidates you beyond belief for someone you’ve only just met.

“I’m—” you start, but she cuts you off as everyone else files into the changing room.

“Poe’s friend, I know,” she repeats, stopping when she’s face to face with you. “I’m Jessika,” she sticks out her hand abruptly, you take it clumsily. “He told us a friend of his would be trying out—,”

“We’re not...” you cut over her, hating the way the words sound on your tongue. “We just know each other,” you pull your hand away. Jessika ties up her hair with furrowed brows, swinging her bag down onto the floor next to yours.

“Oh?” she lets out. “Is there some beef here that I’m missing?”

“You were that drunk girl at the start of the semester, right?” a voice cuts through from the other side of the room. She’s blonde; petite yet tall; massive fucking eyes. You swallow uncomfortably.

“Oh!” Jessika exclaims. “That was you? The mystery person that Poe swung over his shoulder and up to his room, huh?”

“It’s not like that,” you say lowly, stuffing your neatly folded clothes into your bag in subtle anger.

“He missed our date because of you,” the blonde girl adds, sending you a stare that can only mean the entire ordeal pissed her off.

I had a date.

Oh, don’t let me ruin a momentous night of uncomfortable car sex, Poe.

You grimace slightly, sending her an apologetic look, despite how uncomfortable and almost angry you feel. “Sorry about that,” you say. The blonde shrugs.

“Whatever. He never asked to reschedule, anyway,”

“His loss,” another girl chimes in, before the room fell into an awkward kind of silence once more. Just the shuffling of feet, the folding of clothes and the brushing of hair was heard. You slumped down on a bench, pulling on some socks before putting on your trainers.

Jessika slowly migrates back to the other girls, some of which look nervous. At a guess, you’d say they’re all friends— but still newbies who thought they’d give lacrosse a try.

It’s now that you start to doubt yourself.

The anxiety creeps in, like a fly shimmying through a window. Silently, until there’s an incessant buzzing that travels around the room, until it eventually settles around your head. You haven’t played lacrosse in fucking years—not properly. Throwing and catching a ball with a stick occasionally is not the same as staying in shape.

You haven’t played with a team since you played a charity match at age 17; haven’t had proper field boots since 16; haven’t played alongside Poe since 14...

God—this is a bad fucking idea—

“Okay, ladies!” Jessika erupts, clacking forward on the studs of her boots. “Let’s go out there and show them what you’re made of!”

Your brain short-circuits on the way outside. The sun sets over the trees on the edge of campus as you make your way to the field. The boys are already there, jumping on the spot and stretching on the floor.

Your eyes immediately found his—hazel, deep, staring off into space before he caught the sight of you. The smallest of smiles stuck onto his lips, just for a second, before it disappeared into thin air once more. Poe stuck out like a sore thumb out of the rest of the team and those trying out. It was like he had a sticker on his forehead that screamed I’m the fucking Captain.

“Okay!” he yells enthusiastically as everyone gathers around. “Welcome to lacrosse try outs. If this if your first time, line up over there,” he points to the right. You shuffle yourself over to where he points, followed by two more girls and almost ten men.

Jessika stays by Poe with her arms crossed, eyeing everyone up as if they’re a steak she’s about to cut into.

“Jess and I will act as judges while you do a series of drills and penalties. We only have space for three on the starting team and four subs. That means that five of you aren’t gonna make it this string,” some of the lads at the back started muttering under their breath as Poe spoke, no doubt about what was at stake.

All you could dare to focus on was his nose while he was talking, not knowing how to keep eye contact with him in this scenario; or any scenario currently.

He had a big nose. Always had. When he was younger it made his face look smaller, but now it fit in with the rest of his features and razor-sharp jaw. He was just... grown. It was still something you were innately coming to terms with whenever you looked at him.

“Alright—let’s go!” Poe announces with a clap, and then you’re off.

The first twenty minutes of drills and sprints almost wipe you out, but you eventually get into a rhythm. Your body stops and starts with the ease of a car engine, burning your lungs and making your limbs and muscles scream with every push and jump and pump.

But it feels nice. It feels familiar and different at the same time. The static lull of pushing forward when you know you’re almost at breaking point, the way your bones ache every time you stop moving, the pounding of your heart beneath your ribcage that only tells you one thing—

You’re alive. You’re tired and you’re pushing, and Poe is watching your every move, but you’re fucking alive.

It’s a great feeling.

When you complete their circuit in under three minutes, Jessika turns to Poe and whispers something in his ear. He smiles smally and ducks his head down, as if he doesn’t want anyone to see the expression he just made.

“Huddle up,” he announces after an hour, and everyone gathers round, huffing and puffing and ready to absolutely collapse; but you know this tactic. They’re only just getting started. “Squat, sit,” he says, gesturing to the ground. Some people fully crumple—you’re almost one of them. “Good moves out there. Jess and I have been watching and, wow, there’s potential here. Really great, guys,”

He's playing good cop.

“But,” Jess chimes in, peering down at everyone as she stands above Poe. “There’s still work to be done. Lots of fucking work,”

She’s playing bad cop.

“Which is why, we’re going to play a game,”

“A game?” one of the guys at the back lets out, wheezing slightly as he speaks.

“A game,” Poe repeats his words, as a mischievous smile appears on his pretty boy face.

Oh no.

“Strip tag,” he says finally, and the audible groan you let out makes everyone turn to you immediately. Poe’s eyes find yours in an instant, but his smile is still there. If anything it gets bigger. “Is there a problem?” he says, perking a brow at you.

You don’t know what comes over you, but all of a sudden your mind is completely clear. “Oh no, nothing’s wrong,” you let out, pulling a stray strand of hair behind your ear. “I was waiting for when we’d all be forced into playing a convoluted game at the expense of those who over worked themselves in the first half,”

Jessika is speechless when she looks down at her Captain, but Poe lets out one static laugh.

“You sound like you’ve done this before,” he lets out.

“A long time ago,” you reply sternly, reminding him that this buddy-buddy act isn’t going to work on you at all.

“Then why don’t you start us off,” he says, and you’re too stubborn and angry and tired all at once to back down from his obvious challenge.

“Fine,” you agree.

“Fine,” he repeats.

There’s probably nothing more embarrassing than being a grown woman, playing tag, and having to chase people you don’t know around a field. Poe and Jessika join in when they see the laughs and smiles everyone dons, and luckily for you it’s not long until you tag someone.

The poor guy stops and takes off his shirt awkwardly, but Poe yells out a “Look at that oncoming six pack!” comment that makes him chuckle instantly. With every person tagged, everyone chants and cheers when they have to strip off a piece of clothing, and running in between breaks everyone out in a happy sweat.

You’ll hand it to Poe and Jessika—you’d misjudged their methods. But this; this stupid game between adults; was bringing everyone together faster than you could have ever imagined.

When Poe gets caught, the whoops go off the charts. The Captain gives up gracefully, before whipping his shirt off and throwing it behind his shoulder without a care. He scans the field, picking his next target while everyone cowers in fake fear.

A snort escapes your lips at the sight of him—serious, shirtless, looking like some sort of caveman ready to hunt. His stare meets you then, and you know you’ve fucked up.

“Poe,” you let out, stepping back slowly as he begins treading towards you. “No,” you say sternly, but it only acts as his motive.

He sprints at you full pelt, and all you can do is attempt to run away. It’s useless though, you didn’t need to properly know Poe to know that he could outrun you. Everyone laughs as his palm eventually places itself in the centre of your back. You slow down, defeated, as he huffs and puffs in subtle laughter.

“Go on, then,” he splutters out, hands on his knees. You breathe deeply as you grab the hem of your shirt and pull it over your head. It’s not a big deal—sports bras cover everything up—it’s just the fact that you and Poe are now face to face, bare chest to almost bare chest.

“You run fast,” is all you can say as your shirt drops to the floor.

“I’m bigger than I used to be,” he says lowly, and you could have sworn his eyes fucking glinted before he ran off in the opposite direction once more.

You continue running, continue chasing, until everyone’s been tapped at least once. Poe avoids getting hit another three times, slaloming out of the way of people as their lungs start to give way.

When you get caught a second time, you take off your shoe in a huff and pull off your sock quickly. “The shorts stay on,” you say, laughing through your nose. Your cheeks are burning, your chest hurting, your legs ready to give in.

“One more turn!” Jessika yells, and now you know what you must do. Poe got you once, it was your turn to get him. He’s tuckered out, you can tell. His brow is drenched in sweat and his chest is glistening as it heaves. He’s tired—which makes him a perfect target.

When he catches your eye it’s like he knows what you’re about to do. You start sprinting immediately, heading straight for him with your hand outstretched. You half expect him to run, to at least try, but it’s like he’s been waiting for this—

He stays still, peering down at you knowingly as you slow and send him a quizzical look. He just smiles, and you gently press your palm to his chest.

“You’re it,” you say, timidly from the unexpectedness of him just accepting that you caught him.

“Damn,” is all he says, and he’s already undoing the strings of his shorts. Chortles and oooo’s traverse the field. Jessika lets out a wolf whistle when Poe drops his shorts to the floor, fully exposing himself in his boxers to his future teammates.

You take a haste step back, not knowing what to think of the entire situation. He’s staring at you, not intensely, but intentionally, as he steps out of his shorts and picks them up swiftly. He whacks them over his shoulder in defeat, standing up straight as you try not to look there.

It’s not that you want to, it’s just... present. The urge to take in his entire form is inescapable when you’re face to face with him. All muscles and tan skin and curls covered in spots of sweat.

God, he knows what he’s doing. He must know.

Is this him showing off? Or is it something else?

You gulp in air when you realise you’ve been stood, frozen, for the entire time it took him to strip. You don’t want him to notice though, so you let out a sarcastic “Comfortable?” to him.

His grin is enough to stake you through the heart. “There’s a nice breeze,”

You let out a guttural chuckle, turning away and strolling back to the rest of the team while looking at the floor. There’s a fire invading your cheeks and you don’t know why—you don’t want to know why.

Bastard.

“Right!” Jessika takes over, as everyone collects their lost items of clothing from the field. Poe saunters over to her at the edge of the field, all too happy to be prancing around in his boxers and boots. “Well done, guys. Really well done,”

“Fixtures will be posted outside the sports office next week,” Poe cuts in, and just like that it’s finished. You allow yourself to drop to the floor and pull off your trainers. After two hours of running around without studs, your calves are killing you. You still only don one sock, the other being lost on the field somewhere.

Leaning back, you look at the world above you. Clouds dot the ever-darkening sky and your heartbeat is running circles around your nervous-system. It’s a good feeling though, oddly soothing, despite the pain in your limbs and the obvious aches that you’ll have tomorrow.

You’re shot out of your gentle cool-down by a sock hitting you in the face.

“Forgot this,” Poe says, coming into view and peering down at you. From this angle, it’s impossible not to gawk. He’s put his shorts back on, but his shirt is still nowhere to be seen. He has such long legs, the kind where you can see a clear line between his calves and thighs. His chest heaves gently as he continues to catch his breath, and from here you can see the outline of his pectorals.

You look away quickly, not wanting him to notice your scanning gaze, but your eye catches his left ankle. A small tattoo peaks out over his sock, no bigger than a quarter. “What’s this?” you chide, prompting him to drop to the floor and join you.

Sitting up, you run your fingers through your damp hair.

“Tattoo,” he replies. You let out a scoff.

“Oh, I just thought it was a really big mole,” you let out sarcastically. Poe pulls down his sock as you lean back on your hands. He twists his ankle towards you, so you can see it fully.

“The moon,” you say gently, as your eyes traverse the ink under his skin. It’s small, but detailed. Easily identifiable as a full moon, with all its craters and shading on one side. You have the urge to reach out and run your fingers over it, but you bite it away.

Poe looks at you while you take in the design, eyes scuttling over your sweat dotted brow and your raggedy looking hair, but your eyes are glinting with something that he hadn’t seen since you’d reunited— fun, maybe? Comfortability? A sense of belonging.

“Why the moon?” you finally question, and Poe sucks in a breath.

He’s doing that look again, the one where he’s deciding about whether or not to lie. The cogs in his brain whir and splutter while you wait for an answer, but this time you didn’t want him to lie. You want him say what it truly means, because that’ll mean you’re slightly less than strangers. That’ll mean you know something real about him after so long.

“It’s just cool,” he says, and there’s a certain aura of disappointment in his voice that you can immediately pinpoint.

Not disappointment at your question, but disappointment because he can’t tell you the truth. Not yet, maybe not ever, but definitely not now.

You shoot him a sad look, not meaning to be so exposing about the blow that you feel towards his response.

Why did you lie, Poe? Why did you lie again?

“Cool,” you let out, trying to be as blunt as possible, but the upset in your voice is so prominent that you wish you’d said fuck all. You stand then, trying to act nonchalant as you dangle your trainers from your fingers and stuff your sock into one of your shoes.

When you start to walk away, you spot Poe’s shirt two meters to your right. You detour quickly and pick it up, choosing to throw it casually at the back of his head. He flinches as it hits him, but you’re already strolling away when you say “Forgot this,” with your back turned.

He doesn’t reply, just stays sitting on the field as the dew starts to settle and the moon starts to be visible over the treeline.

You’re the last to leave the changing rooms, taking your time as you run a brush through your dishevelled hair and wash your face at one of the sinks. You could shower here, but none of the other girls have and honestly you can’t think of anything worse than washing up in a university changing room. The very thought irks you.

But still, you allow yourself to relax as you gather your gear and slip on your clean clothes over your very not clean skin. You try not to think about him, about Poe, but it’s impossible to bat away the incessant questions that race through your mind.

His behaviour during try-outs, his decision to lie to your face again afterwards.

He frustrates you to oblivion. You don’t know where the fuck you stand and both of you are incapable of actually talking about it. You want to know if you’re cool, if you’re destined to only be half-strangers to each other for your remaining years at college and beyond, if you’re—God forbid—almost friends again.

If there was one thing Poe always did, it was complicating things beyond belief.

Slinging your bag over your shoulder, you leave the fluorescent lightbulbs of the changing rooms and shove open the door—just to shit yourself. You jump back immediately and let out a small squeal when your eyes register him.

Poe’s stood directly outside the door, hand outstretched as he was about to knock and enter, and your heart has just catapulted out of your chest and into the palm of his fucking hand.

“Ffffucking hell—,” you whisper shakily, clutching at your chest as you realise he is not a serial killer that’s come to murder you while you changed alone.

“Fuck—sorry, sorry, sorry,” he steps back immediately, putting his hands up as if he’s got a gun to his chest. “Bad timing,”

“Bad fucking timing, Poe,” you breathe out, but it comes out with a chuckle of relief.

“I was just checking if you—,” he coughs. “If you wanted to walk back together?”

You squint at him subtly. “My dorm is the other side of campus to the frats,”

“I’m visiting a friend that way,”

A friend.

“Okay,” you say, but Poe doesn’t register it as an answer. You have to nod at him and repeat “Okay, Poe,” for him to understand. He smiles to himself as the two of you leave the changing room doorframe and step in line together, headed for your building a fifteen-minute walk away.

You think he’s going to talk first, but that thought quickly fizzles away when you realise he’s intentionally looking at everything but the side of your face. You force yourself to make conversation.

“Jessika is nice,” you spout from nowhere.

“She’s a keeper, for sure. Fast, good tactics, great player,”

“Nice person?” you urge. He raises his brows.

“Yeah—at times. She’s definitely stony and cold, but she can be nice once you get to know her. She dates Snap, did you know?”

Imagining Jessika and Snap together makes you scoff without meaning to. If Snap is the human embodiment of a golden retriever; Jessika is a German shepherd or a Rottweiler. Poe smiles at your abrupt scoff.

“I know, they’re very different,”

“Ying and Yang, I guess,”

“Opposites attract, definitely,”

“Not always,” you argue. “But sometimes, yes. People always talk about having something in common with their significant other, but if you had everything in common, wouldn’t it get boring?”

“Maybe,” Poe replies. “Or maybe not. You could bond even more through those shared interests,”

“I don’t know,” you keep up your side of the argument, but you’re not sure where the words are even coming from. It’s not like you think in depth about could-be relationships in your spare time. “Maybe both is good,”

“Both?” Poe indulges you.

“Having things in common, but also having things that only you’re into. Then, I don’t know, you could introduce each other to those worlds,”

Poe’s silent for a few seconds. “That’s... nice. That sounds pretty good, actually,”

“Yeah,”

It’s not awkward, so to speak, just an awkward subject for conversation that then turns into a tension filled silence between the two of you. You’re both older, have both been through your fair share of heartbreaks and has-beens and maybe-this-could-have-been-more things.

You can sense Poe’s mind trying to pinpoint where to go from here.

“Did you ever find anyone?” he asks suddenly, as the two of you pass the library, where Heidi wished you luck just hours before. “Like, a boyfriend, or a girlfriend, or—whoever,”

Maybe it was your turn to lie. You could tell him you had a string of exes, all of whom still wanted you. You could tell him that you’re talking to people right now and seeing what’ll happen; but there’s a part of you that feels sick lying about this.

It’s not worth it.

“No,” you say simply. “A few dead talking stages in high school,” you shrug, trying to play it off as normal. “But no. Nothing long lasting...” you pause, letting out a long breath. “Nothing you could call love,”

You don’t even know why you brought up love, but it’s too late now and Poe lets out one singular “Oh,”

Oh, God.

“What about you?” you ask quickly, trying to change the subject onto him.

“Oh,” he says again, readying himself by stuffing his hands in his pockets and shrugging all the same. “I’m sort of the same. Nothing long lasting. I’ve had a few girlfriends though—,”

“From what Heidi’s told me you’ve had many,” you butt in.

“Don’t listen to a fucking word that girl has to say,” he says strongly, but there’s a smile on his lips as the words tumble out. “She’s a gossip-monger and a shit stirrer,”

“She’s brilliant,” you argue.

“Being brilliant doesn’t stop you from being a giant, gaping asshole—”

“Hey!” you yell, but as the two of you combust into chuckles it’s incredibly clear that the adoration you both feel for Heidi is prevalent. “Still though,” you start, after your giggles disperse. “You’ve had girlfriends,”

“Doesn’t really feel like it,” Poe admits, and you find yourself turning to look at his side profile. His eyes are on the floor, his feet scuffing over the patio stones as the two of you go in and out of darkness beneath the campus streetlamps. “Wasn’t love or anything like that,”

“What were they then?” you ask, softening your tone as you feel a jolt cut through the conversation topic. You knew Poe well enough from the past to know when he was about to talk seriously about his feelings.

“I don’t know,” he says, letting out a huff in an attempt to play it off as nothing. When he turns to your stare and looks in your eye, the small smile on his mouth doesn’t look unbothered; it looks sad.

Really fucking sad.

“Distractions,” he lets out. “Attempts at feeling something real for someone. Yada, yada, yada,” he lets out a subtly shaken breath when he faces front once more. “They weren’t important,”

“The relationships? Or the girls?” you continue, even though you can tell Poe is ready to drop the subject. His face immediately drops.

“The girls? You think I’d say the girls themselves were unimportant?” he accuses you suddenly, and the dynamic switches. You panic.

“N—no, of course not. I just wanted clarification—,”

“The relationships weren’t important. The girls were all... lovely. Beautiful, nice, fun,” he cuts over you, and you gulp down the want to argue as he all but scolds you for even asking such a question. It wasn’t any indication on him, you just wanted to know what he’d meant.

There was a part of you that wanted to ask if you’d count within those relationships that he didn’t deem important. Was your friendship meaningful to him? Had he meant it while growing up? Or were you simply another one of his girls that were beautiful, nice and fun—yet he’d still thrown you away.

It’s a thought that you can’t bat away, even though you know your friendship wasn’t anything like an actual relationship.

“Stop thinking that,” Poe says sternly, and you’re torn from your thoughts.

“Thinking what?” you hit back with bluntly.

“Thinking that I think us growing up together was unimportant,”

Well—fucking hell—he can read minds now.

You immediately let out a scoff, furrowing your brows in sudden anger at the fact he’d fucking guessed what you were thinking. “I wasn’t thinking that,” you lie.

“And you’re still a terrible liar,” he says.

“I’m not lying,” you lie, again. Now you’re even.

“Yes, you are,” his tone makes you want to explode, but your brain fires words at your mouth instead.

“And do you think you’re a better liar, Poe?” you spout suddenly, stopping on the pathway towards your dormitory building abruptly. Poe halts next to you, peering down at you with a gaze of subtle but rising anger.

“What the hell are you saying?” he lets out, as if he can’t be bothered to continue the conversation anymore.

“You lied to me the day you left my flat, the morning after I got shitfaced,” you admit. “That face you pull,” you stop, trying to express your own rendition of his stupid fucking lying indicators. “The zoned-out eyes, the jutted out lower lip—,”

“You look into things waaaay too fucking much—,” he tries to cut over you, but you ket out an abrupt shush! in his face. He flinches back immediately, shooting you a squinted and shocked look. “Did you just fucking shush me?”

“You lied, Poe. I don’t know what about, something about what happened on the fucking lawn or something—,”

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re crazy?” he attempts to butt in again, but you simply keep talking.

“You lied to me tonight, Poe,” you say strongly, and his sudden silence is enough of an answer that you need. He lowers his gaze to the floor, almost as if he’s given up. You can see the defeat on his forehead. “You didn’t tell me the meaning of your tattoo, and honestly—I don’t fucking care— but it was just... that look,”

That look. Like a deer in headlights. The cogs whirring in his brain. The wonder about whether to say the truth or hold it back, for whatever reason he sees fit.

When he catches your eye once more, you step back; frowning as a sullen sadness cascades down your face. “I’ve always hated that look,” you whisper, just loud enough for him to hear, but even if you’d thought it he would have known what you were saying.

Why is it, if the two of you spend any extended time together, that things always get so sad?

It’s like you both go through the five stages of grief throughout the time you’re alone. Sadness, anger, bargaining, depression—acceptance.

Will either of you ever reach acceptance?

“Is it always gonna be like this?” Poe whispers in response. You gulp away the want to wrap your arms around his shoulders, or punch him in the face. Your feelings are like you’re trying to catch rain water with a basketball net. “The tiniest semblance of normal, before we get angry and sad all over again?” he adds.

He’s right. He sums it all up so well. That’s exactly what your conversations and time together is like, now.

The saddest part of it all is that the only thing you can fathom replying is—

“I don’t know,” you swallow uncomfortably.

He steps forward suddenly, and for a split moment you think he’s going to encase you in a hug. You think he’s going to hold you the way he did last week, when you swayed to music and both calmed down from the fight beforehand. You’d lost count how many times he’d made you mad or upset in this tiny amount of time since you’d been reunited.

He was probably the same towards you; not knowing the exact number; not caring to try and count all the fucking times.

“I got the tattoo because it reminds me that everyone sees the same moon as me, even if they’re far away from me,” he says suddenly, keeping his eyes on yours. You want to look away, to stare beyond his shoulder or at the floor, but something’s holding you in place. “It tells me that whenever I look at the moon, the next day someone far off will be looking at the same sky, the same stars, the same moon that I looked at the night before,”

God, is he talking about you? Is he straight up saying that he got his tattoo because it keeps you connected to him?

No. Don’t be fucking ridiculous.

You swallow, flicking your eyes across his face. “Why didn’t you just tell me that?” you whisper.

All Poe can do is shrug, letting out a vulnerable chuckle afterwards.

“I don’t fucking know,” he admits. “I honestly don’t fucking know,” he repeats, before letting out another chuckle from the sheer fuckery that comes alongside every private talk, every conversation, every fucking interaction that you have together.

You want to ask him about the lawn, outside his frat, but you can’t get the words out. This moment here—this subtle expression of vulnerability and actual honesty—it’s so rare that you don’t want to fuck it up. You don’t want to mess this up and go back to ground zero again.

A thought hits you then, something light-hearted. You smile.

“It’s also because you like space, isn’t it?” the tattoo. Poe lets out a long breath, his grin growing until it’s across his entire jaw.

“I fucking love space,”

There’s the Poe you once knew.

Tag List: @noctem-vincere @browneyes-issac @theidiotsincontrol @harrys-tittie @leithatnight @iridian-darkbloom @angellicpraises @philiasoul

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leftcolornacho · 4 months

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I didn't touch my fanfic in like a month or more

I started writing it really spontaneously and it was kind of a mistake because now I think I could do it much better

I have better understanding of characters and story as a whole

(Btw isn't it amazing that we create a character and yet we don't know everything about them and we're meeting them as we write the story)

And I wrote just three chapters so ofc not everything's said and done but the thought that it's imperfect is do demotivatingggggggg

Somebody give me a reason to continue writing (when I find time 🥴)

#star wars #star wars rebels #fanfic writing #swr #sw #fanfic #star wars ff

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ineffablejaymee · 1 year

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codywan fanfiction writers will tag their works as fluff/no angst, pull readers into false sense of security, proceed to write the most heart wrenching, mutual pining and a seemingly happy ending

and then the last scene will be cody handing obiwan his lightsaber on utapau

#or they something among the lines of 'after the war'#are they emjoying this #my pain #can i be happy #why do you think im reading ff #LET ME BE HAPPY #cruel #we still eat it up #star wars #clone wars #obiwan kenobi #star wars clone wars #commander cody #codywan

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astheworldfallsdown-writing · 1 year

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Chapter I - You Can’t Truly Be Gone

A cold, heavy rain fell on the red-neon lit bar sign, a staple in the town of Greyslough, on the planet Calyzen. It was a small planet that wasn’t heard of very often, floating cozily on the outer rim, far from any politics and destruction. Grassy hills and long lakes made the planet what it was, a thick layer of gloom laid on the planet but that didn’t stop the citizens from having a good time.

Every weekend the local bar doubled as a fight space, Calyzen brawlers all came and competed, not for any titles or anything fancy, just for the love of the crowd. It was mostly men that participated in such events, but around 7 years ago a young girl showed up and began training right away. She had to prove herself tough enough to take on the rough life of a brawler, but she surprised everyone and was deemed worthy. This girl was Valerie Sorveya, but her brawler name was just Val, some even called her Victorious Val which both embarrassed her and humored her.

Valerie was just 22 when she arrived on Greyslough, she was scared and alone, brought in by a delivery ship operator, Shay, who knew little about her. The first time they met was when Shay was on a regular route, picking up supplies from Naboo as well as other planets. But on his way to the lush planet, he got a call from Jedi Master Luke Skywalker, requesting that he pick up Luke’s cargo and drop it off on the way to his next stop. Shay had a great deal of respect for the Skywalkers, so of course he accepted, little did he know that this ‘cargo’ was a young girl with braided, dark brown hair, padawan cloak, and eyes bloodshot from crying, it was Valerie. He wasn’t the type of man to ask questions, he wanted to get the job done and have that be all, and Valerie remained quiet for the entirety of the ride. The only problem was that when Shay brought her to Luke’s requested drop-off point on Yavin 4, everything was either burned to ash or on fire, no one was on the planet at all. Shay watched the distraught brunette fall to her knees when she saw the destruction, the pain in her eyes was unlike anything he had ever seen. Shay contacted Luke several times and heard nothing, but he knew he couldn’t leave her there alone.

“Do you want me to take you back to Naboo?” Shay asked her, keeping some space from her.

She mustered up the courage to speak. “But I-...I’m supposed to be here.”

“But hon, there’s nothing here, I’m sorry, I don’t know what happened.” Shay got on one knee beside her, placing a hand on her shoulder gently.

Valerie looked at him. “Death, so much death.” Her eyes then focused back on the scene of black and red.

Shay shrugged his shoulders slightly, she wasn’t wrong but what was he supposed to say back? He thought for a moment before speaking. “Let’s get you back to your home.”

“I don’t have a home.” Valerie looked at Shay again, her voice grew a bit more clear. “It was Naboo, but my parents both died just days ago. I wasn’t supposed to come back here for another month but I requested Luke to end my break early, I couldn’t bear being there any longer.” Shay didn’t know what to say. “So I’m sorry sir, but I have nowhere to go now, and I have no way of paying for your service.”

Shay shook his head. “Don’t you worry about that right now. You’ve been through a lot, n’ I don’t normally do this… Well, I don’t normally deliver people actually.. But listen kid, if you’re willing, I’ll take you back t’ my home and we can get your situation sorted out, how does that sound?” Shay knew he needed to help her, it was the right thing to do and this girl needed any help she could get.

Valerie took several moments, the gears turning in her head as she tried to think of her options. She couldn't deny that his idea was the best one, though she didn’t exactly want to go to a new planet with a strange, somewhat scruffy looking man, he did seem to genuinely care for her though they hadn’t even exchanged names. “Where is your home?” She finally asked in a breathy voice, her tiredness was starting to affect her speech.

“Oh I live in GreySlough.” He said. She seemed confused, which didn’t surprise him. “It’s a great little planet, do you like rain?”

She laughed under her breath. “I actually do.” This made Shay smile.

“I’m Shay, Shay McDavin” He held his gloved hand out.

Valerie accepted and met her hand with his. “I’m Valerie, Valerie Sorveya. I was training here.”

“You was training with Luke Skywalker?” Shay said in amazement. “You’ll have to tell me about it on the ship, c’mon, let’s get a move on. Late schedule’s means less credits for food.” Shay helped Valerie stand and began walking to the ship. Before he got in, he turned and saw her standing there, lost in the sight of destruction again. “Valerie?” He called her.

This snapped her out of her fixed gaze. She turned her back slowly to the fires, walking away from what was meant to be her future, her life. Her face remained solemnly sad as she got into the ship and sat in the back seat. Shay reached back and took her hand in his.

“I promise things are gonna be alright. I always get the job done.” He gave her hand a small squeeze before letting go and starting up the ship.

After a few hours and a few stops along the way, Valerie had spoken only every now and then about Naboo, about her training, and asked questions about the planet they were heading to. Shay enjoyed having someone with him on the trips, they usually got lonely but after 40 years in the business, he was used to it. They finally arrived on GreySlough, rain dripping down the ship's windows and rusty panels. Valerie swallowed quietly and got out of the ship, her backpack secured on her shoulders as she followed Shay down the dirt road lit up by tall white lamps. They really weren’t very bright, all the buildings were very dark and looked somewhat abandoned.

“I’ll tell ya this right now, it isn’t much” Shay spoke as he walked up the wet wooden steps to an old brick house. “But it’s kept me dry all these years, so I think you’ll find it suitable. Then again, yer from Naboo.” He laughed, unlocking the doors with a slim key.

It was definitely a lot more old fashioned and run down than what she was used to. But her home on Naboo was usually described just like that. It was only a small cabin by the lake, not any kind of fancy city build, no porcelain or hand embroidered curtains like most others had, but she didn’t mind. This home was still very different, though who was she to become picky after losing essentially everything she had?

Shay showed her to her room, it was mostly empty, but there were a couple dusty boxes, a tall lamp and a spare mattress. Valerie put down her bag while Shay searched the closet for extra pillows and bedding. She walked towards the window, she was glad her bedroom was on the second floor, being up high was something she loved.

“What’s that over there?” Valerie asked. She noticed a bright red sign a few streets over but couldn't make out the text through the pouring rain and droplets hugging the window’s glass.

“That is the town’s entertainment center.” Shay said with a small chuckle as he stood up from making up the bed for her, she was too distracted to realize he had done that for her. “It’s a bar. But each weekend we have these town brawlers that fight over there.”

“Brawlers? Like.. they fight each other?” Valerie asked in a confused tone.

“Yep, but don’t worry, they’re all good sports, at least most of them.” Shay stepped towards the doorway. “I’ll take ya one day. But anyways, I know you’re probably tired so I’ll let ya go. I will be gone early in the morning but not for too long. If you’re up before I’m back, feel free to make yourself at home, you saw the kitchen on your way in right?”

Valerie nodded and leaned down to her bed. “I did. And Shay, thank you, truly.” She ran her hands on the blanket, it wasn’t very soft but that’s really how Valerie liked it, things that were too plush always bothered her skin.

“No need to thank me, hon. You’ve been through enough for one day. Just try to rest up.” Shay reached for the doorknob. “Goodnight.”

Valerie nodded to him as he shut the door. She took a glance around the room before reaching into her backpack and pulling out a medium sized plush toy of an Ice Peglin, a species that lived only on extremely cold planets, swimming and living off of fish. It was her favorite animal and her mother had made her this plush when she was just a baby.

She let out a small sigh and placed her plush on the bed. Her heart began to pound slowly and her emotions all reached her at once. Valerie was good at keeping her true emotions unknown from most, the exceptions being her mother and a classmate of hers. But this was all too much, everything was gone, everyone was gone. It was a dark day in the galaxy for everyone, but especially for Valerie. She began to slowly hyperventilate and tears streamed down her chiseled cheeks before she reached into her bag again, digging through for something. She pulled out a small device and unraveled a wire with two earpieces hung at the end of it. With the press of a button on the device, music began playing in the earpieces, Valerie put them in her ears and closed her eyes, hand over her mouth. Music was something she grew up surrounded by since her mother was a Nabooan musician. It calmed her from a place deep within her. Her breaths slowed, but the tears didn’t stop. She allowed herself to cry for around 10 minutes before wiping them away and changing into some sleep clothes, an old shirt and shorts. She had pictured her night very differently. She expected to be curled up in the arms of the man she cared so deeply for as he would have comforted her over her loss. It would have been in secret of course, Luke couldn’t know what was happening among his own students, his own nephew.

Valerie laid down in the bed, looking up at the ceiling with cracked white paint. One arm holding her plush close, the other on her heart, feeling to see if it had slowed down from her small panic attack.

“Ben.” She sighed. The tears began again, she saw no use in stopping them. This was what real, true, raw pain felt like. And she never expected to feel it over such things.

How will I keep going if you’re gone? She thought to herself.

The rest of the night was quiet, the rain pattering on the window helped ground her. Deep breathes filled the room as she put the music device away and curled back into bed. Her blanket met her shoulders and she turned towards the wall. Sleep was something she both feared in this moment, but also provided her comfort. She was scared to sleep because she saw it as making the day more real, like adding a period at the end of the sentence. But her comfort was just from her curiosity, would she go to sleep and then wake up on Yavin 4? She wondered if she had passed out on Naboo and was having a terrible dream. This wasn’t the case. And this was how she spent most nights for at least the first year on GreySlough.

You can’t truly be gone, Ben.

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stevestevesstuff · 1 year

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We are meant to be expendable | Captain Rex x jedi!reader

Summary: you get hurt during a mission while saving Rex and some of his brothers.

Warnings: angst, bomb going of, mentions of injury, shitty ending lol

"What the kriff were you thinking? You could have gotten yourself killed out there!"

Rex was mad, really mad. You did not have to concentrate on the lingering feeling of the force to know that.

"Please Rex, could you lower your voice a little? My head is killing me..."

"It would not hurt that much if you didnt throw yourself infront of a BOMB!"

During the mission to free a planet from seperatist forces, you and a few men from the 501st got cornered and caught in the middle of a crossfire. While the troopers tried to shoot as many, as they called them, clankers as possible and you deflecting blaster shots as fast and precise as you could, you noticed one of the droids holding something. It was definitely NOT a blaster, but from the distance, you were not sure what it could be.

As you looked again, that particular droid was gone.

It must have been your mind playing games on you. After all, this situation you were in was quite stressful and chaotic.

The fight continued for a few more minutes, blaster shots were exchanged and your concentration slowly but surely left you alone. Suddenly, you felt something hit the ground right next to Rex, Fives and Echo.

From that moment on, everything happened in slow motion.

You looked over to them, then at the round thing laying on the ground next to them. It was a bomb.

While still deflecting some shots, you ran as fast as you could to reach them in time. You tried to warn them about the danger, but your shouts were swallowed by the thundering sounds of the ongoing battle. As your last solution, you force pushed them out of the way and tried to get infront of them to keep them safe from the coming explosion.

This action earned you confusing looks from the ARC troopers and your captain, but there was no time for you to notice. The moment you stepped infront of your men, the bomb went of. In a matter of mere seconds, the explosion hit everything and everyone around you. The troopers were send flying through the air and you were flying with them.

The moment you could sense the ground underneath you, your head hit something hard. Then, everything went black

The only thing you could hear was a loud and already annoying ringing sound right in your ears.

You were still feeling too weak to open your eyes but still tried to find some orientation without them. Obviously you couldnt.

The ringing in your ears plus the thundering beating of your heart hindered you from hearing anything around you. After a few seconds, you gave up and tried to concentrate on your body and on how it was feeling.

Your hand.

Your right hand to be more specific.

It felt heavier then your left one.

You concentrated a bit more on that heavy feeling on your hand until you could make out the fact, why it was heavier.

Someone was holding it.

Pretty tightly that is.

With the last bit of strength left in your body, you forced yourself to open your eyes.

You were met with a bright and blinding light that made you close your eyes immediately again.

You waited a little until you tried again, this time, way slower.

You let out an unvoluntarily groan as your eyes started hurting from the light. But, you were able to keep them open.

The moment that groan left your mouth, you could feel the grip on your hand tighten and someone stirring right next to you.

As you tried to make your eyes familiar with the light and your surroundings, you could hear a faint voice.

"General? General are you alright? Medic! We need a medic! Shes awake!"

Rex. Rex was with you. You would recognise that voice anytime, even with an irritating ringing in your ears.

You moved your head in his direction and tried to sit up in your bed, but a crushing pain in your head made you lie down again.

"Woah, slow there, General."

Your eyes found Rex's face. The look of concern painted over his features. His eyes were blown wide, his eyebrows furrowed a little. But hidden underneath was a sliver of relief, or maybe a big sliver.

"Wha...what happened?", you managed to croax out.

"You...you jumped infront of a bomb. You saved us, General."

Before you could answer, Kix came rushing down the aisle of the medbay with a Med-droid following close behind.

They checked your vitals, your eyes and ears, then asked you some questions you barely remember.

Everything happened under the watchfull eyes of your Captain, which in the meantime let go of your hand. If he didnt, his brother would be nagging him about it for a long time.

After Kix was finished, he gave you some quick infos about what would happen next.

You were on bed rest for at least 2 weeks, you insisted that you wouldn't need them, but right in that moment, your head betrayed you and started hurting a little more. You let out yet another groan, then Kix left, giving you a 'I told you so' look.

Once you were alone, you moved your head in the direction of Rex, who was already looking at you with a look you could not quite figure out. A shaky breath left his lips as he opened them to say something.

"What were you thinking...?"

"What?"

It was a whisper which you couldnt understand due to the still present ringing in your ears.

"What the KRIFF were you thinking!"

You flinched a little. You have never, NEVER, seen him so angry.

"You could have gotten yourself killed!"

""Please Rex, could you lower your voice a little? My head is killing me..."

"It would not hurt that much if you didnt throw yourself infront of a BOMB!"

You wanted to answer, to get back at him with a snaky remark, but you couldnt. He left you literally speechless. Was he angry because you safed him and his brothers from their definite death?

"Wha...what was i supposed to do? Let you get blown up?"

"YES! Kriff...you are not supposed to put your life on the line for someone like us...for someone like me..."

The last part was barely above a whisper. He turned his head away so he wouldnt have to look at you.

This took you aback. What was he talking about? Was he serious?

"What do you mean with 'people like me'?"

You gave him some time to answer, but as he still hasnt looked at you nor said a word, you lifted your arm slowly to caress his cheek.

At first he stiffened at the unfamiliar feeling of your hand on his cheek, but after mere seconds, he leaned his head against you touch, fully submerging in the warmth of it.

"Rex, talk to me. What did you mean?"

He inhaled sharply as he turned his head around to look at you again.

"What i meant is...we are clones, sir. We were bread for this exact purpose, to serve in battle. We were also bread to die, as harsh as it sounds. One of us dies, a few thousand are coming to take his place. You on the other had...your life is way more worthy as mine will ever be. As i said, we are clones...we are meant to be expendable."

Once again, the captain has left you speechless. Thats what he was thinking about himself? About his brothers?

No.

No one thinks about themselves that way. It was drilled into their minds. Not only by the Kaminoans, but also by your fellow jedi and politicians.

You were so lost in your thoughts that you didnt even notice, that Rex was about to leave. A small panic rose inside of you. You couldnt let him go after what he just said to you.

"Rex! Wait! What are you doing?...please stay..."

You mustered some strengh to sit up and still reach his arm in time. The pain that shot through your body was screaming at you to lay back down, but as you met the captains teary eyes, it was forgotten.

You pulled him back to sit down in the chair next to you again. But as he was sat, you still did not let go of his arm. Instead, you moved your hand towards his and held it.

"I...I dont know how you must be feeling about...about the thing you just told me. I cant imagine it, but to me, your life is just as valuable as any other. I dont care if you are a clone or a jedi or...or even a droid. You have feelings, you have a personality. Your life is important. Your...your life is everything to me..."

As Rex heard the last sentence, his eyes snapped towards yours. It seemed like he didn't believe you at first, but the longer he looked into your eyes, he noticed the truth and honesty behind your words.

"You dont have to say anything but...I feel like its time to speak my mind. I woud do it again. One hundred percent. I would jump infront of a hundred bombs, just to know you are safe and ALIVE. That doesn'tjust apply to you, but also your brothers. But...especially to you..."

You smiled slightly as you said the last words.

By the looks of it, the captain infront of you was dumbfounded. It took him a minute to process your words, but as he let them go through is head, he realised what you meant. At least he hoped so.

He searched your face for anything that told him otherwise, though he couldnt find it. Your eyes screamed sincerity, there was nothing that could deny that.

With your hand still in his, he leaned forward. He was just inches from your face, you could feel his breath on your lips.

"Just so you know...I would do the same for you, General."

He looked at your lips, then back into your eyes as if he was asking for consent. You nodded slightly and with that, his lips connected with yours.

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