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j0kers-light · 7 months

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Hi! I hope you are good, I don't know if the commissions are open, but if they are, could you do a Ledger!Joker x reader in which the reader tends to go party frequently, have an active and open sexuality, be reckless and have a sassy/funny attitude? (Reference: Tony Stark for example) if you don't want to, that's okay. I just never see female characters/readers like this, usually they are extremely good girls or have the serious Black Widow/bad girl personality, so it's always guys characters who get to be this way without being criticized about it.

I am very curious to know how she would interact and deal with J, since they would have some things in common but be very different and crash a lot at the same time.

Maybe J and the reader have a not serious relationship and they are just messing around, because they don't know how to deal with their feelings yet and are afraid of commitment, so there could be some kind of toxicity between them. J gets jealous of reader sleeping with other people and being so reckles when it comes to drink and stuff since he has found himself having to take care of her in bad situations plenty of times so it's his last straw.

It can lead to smutty angry/possesive sex and then go to some fluff at the end where they manage to communicate better and deal with their feelings at the end.

The plot was a suggestion but if you have a better plot idea in mind with that concept, you are free to change it if you end accepting the request. Thank you!! I love your stories and the way you portray Heath's Joker! ♡

His Lighthouse: Bad at Love (LedgerJoker x f!reader)

Bad at Love- Oneshot

Image credit

ANON I SWEAR I DID NOT NEGLECT THIS ASK! 🖤✨

August flipping 16th? I'm gonna crawl into a hole and sob cry. BUT wait hear me out! This was an honor to write. As you beautifully said, women are usually depicted as either a damsel in distress or a cut-throat killer. There's no medium for us. Nothing's wrong with that if done correctly, but the minute a female is open about her body (ya know the same way men are celebrated to do) we're labelled sluts and whores. 🙄 Imma try and avoid going on a rant. Moving on...

Heck yeah I will accept this request! And thank you for the kind words! I'm so happy to know you like my portrayal of Joker!

Let's get right into it! I took all your plot points and went to town! Song inspiration is Bad at Love by Halsey! Wow I stayed up too late editing this!! Later loves!

taglist:

@blackreaderatrisk @twinkledinkle @clemdango04 @l3ejm @tears-of-amber @what-an-angel @darthjokerisyourfather @thatsnoteii @dollster @cheetahspy @kaidennnnn @urdariingdoll @motivation-idontknowher @ins0mniac-whack @spaghettificationandpretzels @reneisance @alittlesmartcookie @ninacutebee16 @carydorse

Let me know if you wish to be added to the official His Lighthouse taglist! 🖤✨

Joker never was one for feelings. They clouded a person's judgement and made them weak; you made him weak. With your flashy personality, confident smirk, and no nonsense demeanor you tore down Joker's way of thinking and ruined him forever.

You knew he was dangerous, you didn't care. You knew the risk of falling into his bed and agreed wholeheartedly because you were only here for a good time, not a long time. If things got to dicey, you could pick up and move on.

Too bad that Joker fell hard and embarrassingly fast for you. He dreamed of a long time with you. These feelings he had for you, they made him weak but he was perfectly fine with that.

He just wished you would notice and take him seriously.

Joker met you in what would be considered the wrong place at the right time. Rather killing you off after you witnessed one of his criminal activities, you talked... er.. sucked.. your way out of a bullet through your head.

After that, Joker found himself gravitating towards you.

You had a penchant for winding up in bad places and even worse situations. Partying it up at a bash funded by Penguin. Narrowly avoiding being fatally drugged at a rave laced quite literally with Scarecrow's latest neurotoxicants. Almost dying of alcohol poisoning at one of Joker's clubs.

The list could go on and on but with every scenario, you did not care.

It was as if your life was just one big joke. You valued your life, make no mistake, but being in a life or death situation only got a careless laugh out of you. If you died, then you lived a wild life.

Joker was mesmerized by your idealism surrounding death, and it inspired him to offer you protection in exchange for...

"Haha!! Quit foolin' yourself. You just want to have sex with me! That made up protection crap is not necessary. Alright. Where and how do you want it?" You sighed. "I'm a star on my back but whatever suits your fancy."

You began stripping right then and there without a care if someone walked by. He invited you to one of his hideouts and you boldly came, having nothing to lose.

Joker didn't know what to say.

He never met a woman so open about her sexuality and especially one that could see right through his carefully thought out plans. He didn't say no and took you roughly on his desk with the door wide open.

Before Joker knew it, he slipped into a friends with benefits arrangement with you despite neither of you meeting the friends criteria.

He watched out for you anytime you went out to party (which was almost every night) and you paid him back with sex whenever he called.

You could care less about the loosely created agreement. The sex was phenomenal and you acquired a dark guardian angel.

A win is a win, too bad Joker didn't feel the same sentiment.

He wasn't a fool. He knew he wasn't the only one gracing your bed. You constantly rubbed in that fact by bringing men and women into your apartment, posting your conquests on social media, or the worst, extending an invitation for a threesome like it was tickets to a game.

"I don't think Chad, wait what?" Someone shouted at you in the background. "My bad.. Tyler here won't mind sharing." You laughed off Joker turning down your offer before ending the call. "Your loss babe."

It wasn't a loss in Joker's eyes. He didn't want to share.

You were a remarkable woman and he was an overly possessive male. You brought out that nasty trait in him.

Before you, Joker wasn't jealous. He would brush off the hookups he grew bored of but you? You.... you changed something in him. He kept coming back for more.

He wanted so much more with you.

Joker envied each partner you led up to your apartment. Each one got to experience a night with you that should have been his and his alone.

You were perfect for Joker but you made it abundantly clear that you and relationships were a no go.

"Ew commitment? One person for like forever? Ha! Couldn't be me. I like.... variety." You explained as you rolled over on top of J.

It was another late night hookup that progressed well into the pillow talk stage. Joker was glad to know this luxury was reserved only for him.

Others had to be content with just sex before you kicked them to the curb. Joker got the pleasure of sleeping over. Only he could see you in such a vulnerable state. Sleep and looking absolutely soft. You were unaware but you sucked your thumb in your sleep. It was little details like that which made J feel like he was special in your life.

Joker personally wasn't big on commitment but he could entertain the thought if it was with you. Why couldn't you see the potential here? You fit perfectly in his arms as if you were destined to be.

He lived to see your content smile as he held you close, both unconscious and wide awake.

He hummed and dragged his fingers down your spine until you stiffened and moved away. He inwardly sighed. Annnd he lost you. No matter what version he tried, you shut down any romantic advances he made.

During sex he would try and kiss you, you would turn your head and bite the pillow. He tried to hold your hand once and you gave him a bombastic side eye and told him to stop.

You didn't want soft and sweet.

"That's for stay at home wives who crave intimacy with their husbands." You said to Joker once. "They send him off to work with smitten eyes, not knowing he's on his way to see me. He craves raw, primal, hot sex— the kind his wife is terrified of. That's what I want. If you're not going to f__k me Joker, then get out."

He was afraid of offending you so like a love-smitten fool, he gave you what you wanted.

That night your happy moans as he pounded you into the mattress left a sour taste in his mouth.

You spoke your mind and didn't settle for less. It was a trait of yours that he loved to hate. You made Joker fantasize about coming to your apartment, sweeping you up into his arms and making loving to you.

Joker hated the scenario with every fiber of his being but the idea was on loop in his brain every time you were unavailable and he only had his fist for the night.

He jerked himself off to the thought of you on your back, hands enclosed with his as he kissed you softly and languidly rolled his hips into you.

"D-Don't stop, J... I love this." Even in his fantasy you sounded all wrong but it felt so right. A submissive version of you got him closer and closer to his peak night after lonely night.

For once he wanted to cum inside you rather than painting your stomach or back white. You didn't have to be degraded every time he had you.

You deserved to be treated better. He could treat you better. And like a flash of lightning, Joker realized.

He craved true intimacy with you.

You made him weak. You made him consider bestowing soft and gentle affections upon you in favor of his rough aggressive marking. Joker wanted to cradle the back of your head, not choke you near unconscious.

This had to stop, this toxic relationship he found himself in.

Joker had to get rid of you and these affectionate urges but you were in his bloodstream and he feared you would never leave. He began to loathe when his phone lit up with your contact.

U busy 2nite?😜

He was remiss to reply and he wished that he did. It would have saved him the chaos that soon followed. You were always at the wrong place at the right time.

Neo roped Joker into coming to the club tonight. The top trio noticed how down J was lately and assumed it had something to do with you.

You were like a bad drug and it was time Joker quit cold turkey. Exposing him to someone knew was the best remedy.

Joker wasn't one for public appearances but Neo swore up and down he could chill in the club's dark corner by the cages and people watch without being bothered. Joker still wasn't feeling it however the drinks flowed freely and it was something to do.

Frost became concerned since Joker wasn't a big drinker but the clown was knocking them back with hardly a wince. Frost wisely switched out the shots being sent to J's table with virgin drinks halfway into the night.

Joker could care less. He only agreed to come tonight to distract himself. He needed to get you out of his system.

His green eyes scanned the lively club trying to see the appeal of it all. You once said the too loud music rattled your bones and made you feel alive, possessed almost. You loved the hot humid air and the sultry sway of bodies of the crowd against your own.

It was all sensory. Joker hated it.

He heaved a sigh and waved off the umpteenth female who wormed their way to his booth. Couldn't they see he wanted to be alone?

He didn't want a female in his life if it wasn't you. Then his eyes caught something hypnotic dead center of the club.

Upon first glance, Joker would have never known it to be you, granted the dancer was a blonde but he seen your extensive wig collection. You had every color, texture, and length known to man. Turning yourself into a blonde was child's play and tonight you did just that.

You and your messy space buns defied gravity as you twirled and slid against a pole inside the metal cage.

Joker didn't know whether to look away or kill everyone for staring. He couldn't blame them.

Seeing a dark goddess like you dancing in ten inch heels and practically wearing nothing was truly a sight to see. Your 'outfit' consisted of drapes of silver-like reflective fabric, artistically tucked to cover your breast and pussy and leaving nothing to the imagination.

You were a walking gift just waiting for someone to unwrap. And your eyes lulled potential recipients your way. It was as if the club lights were programmed just for you as they highlighted your body in the best way.

Joker was shaking with pleasure? Anger? He wasn't quite sure. He growled and radioed to Neo. "Why.... is she.... here?"

The club owner's voice immediately sounded in Joker's ear, "Who?"

Joker wished his drinks were actually alcohol. Frost wasn't slick switching them out. "Y/n. In the uhh, dance cage thingy... literally f__king the pole."

Just to prove his point you jumped up and used only your core muscles to remain suspended in air. Your thighs glinted in the club lights and Joker knew you lathered them in that edible body glitter you loved so much. He hated how sticky it was on his tongue but it transformed you into a star dusted beauty so he couldn't complain that much.

"I didn't invite her! Wait. You sure that's Y/n?" You winked at your audience before flashing them a wide grin as you walked on air, escalating down the pole in a gravity drying spiral.

There was a brief pause before Neo's voice came back over. "D__n, yeah that's her.. Ahem. I uhh, if you want her gone just say the word Boss."

Joker didn't want to dampen your night but he was actively trying to purge you from his mind. Having you dangling right in his field of vision was not helping things.

Joker was about to order you out when a series of gunshot went off inside the club. The fun and jovial air turned into sheer pandemonium in seconds.

You stopped dancing and dropped to your feet to find cover and Joker was quick to spot the shooter aiming way too close in your direction. It only took a second for a seasoned expert to realize the shooter was deliberately aiming at you.

All the breath in Joker's body simply escaped him.

Without thinking, J rushed to your side and tackled you to the floor. Neo and Frost were arguing in his ear but Joker's only thought was you under him going into shock.

Your eyelashes were dusted with silver and chrome colored gems were glued onto your face like intergalactic freckles. You took the club's space night theme very seriously. You never fell short of a perfect club outfit.

In a different situation, Joker would have admired your ensemble properly but right now, the blue and purple strobe lights captured your coloured contacts rounded in fear.

"J.. that's.. That's my ex, Tyler! Why is he?" More pops went off in the background and Joker was pretty sure Frost and Neo were placing bets on who could neutralize the threat first.

Ten grand was a waste of money. Joker wanted this Tyler fellow dead free of charge after hearing your frightened words. Nothing like a bitter lover wanting to get even to dampen a night out.

J moved the two of you behind a wall before he went a step further and shielded you with his body. You were shaking too much to even notice.

There wasn't much protection this far into the club. Joker scanned the area for an exit but that would require walking into the spray of bullets and he would not risk your safety doing that. He spat out orders into his earpiece and he was confident that Neo and Frost would handle this.

For now, Joker turned his focus on you in his arms. "Y/n, doll, look at me. Hey!"

He never seen you so shaken up before. Gone was the reckless and sassy girl that told him where to shove it the first time he met you.

The girl in his arms was afraid and cowering like a baby.

Your stiletto nails bit into his arm but he waited until the strobe lights made another cycle to illuminate a hallway to his immediate right. Joker remembered it led towards the offices and seedy meeting rooms, and subsequently a back alleyway. It was now or never.

"C'mon baby. Let's go." Joker hauled you up to your feet and made a sprint for the hallway.

How you managed to keep up with him in your ridiculous high heels, Joker would study in detail later. The second he hit the back alley, he reported the all clear.

"We're out, me and uh..." J glanced down at you shivering in his arms. "Me and Doll are out."

Oddly Mac's voice sounded over the comms. "Copy. Wheels are nearby, you'll know it when ya see it. We got everything here. Go."

Joker didn't need to be told twice. He found the car with ease and helped you into the back with a gentleness that scared even himself. Hands fastened you into a seatbelt and you swore something tender made contact with your forehead, but it was gone before you could identify what. You were still in shock and weren't aware of anything around you.

You were just having fun like you always did. None of your past flings cared enough to hurt you before but you should've known that Tyler was different.

He was too enthusiastic about being FWB, too eager to stay in touch and when you tried to break things off– the man was too clingy in your opinion– his words haunted you.

"Tch, your reputation precedes you, slut. You just f__k em and keep it movin' but I'm not replaceable sweetheart. Yeah, you'll regret this b___h. I'll make sure of it."

You didn't think he'd try and kill you! Tonight was a harsh wake up call to how your playgirl actions affected others and you obviously couldn't handle it. You failed to stifle your sniffles and Joker wished he wasn't driving so he could hold and comfort you. That is, if you didn't push him away.

Joker made it to your apartment and got you situated. He'd been over so many times, he knew the layout better than his own hideouts. You didn't even bother questioning how J had a key. The less you knew, the better. You were just grateful that Joker took off your heels and got you a glass of water.

"Here uh drinK." You accepted the proffered glass mutely.

Your hands shook bringing it to your lips but you managed to drink it but not without hyperventilating immediately afterwards.

Joker rolled his eyes but bent down to your eye level to grab your face. Your gems were flaking off due to his thumbs rubbing your cheekbones in soothing circles.

"Look. At. Me. Breathe, doll... ya gotta breathe. See uhhh. Li-Ke this."

Joker exaggerated his breathing hoping you would copy and much to his delight you did– at least enough to calm down. Something in the motion caused you to snap out of your shock.

"Why are you helping me?" You mumbled.

J echoed your question with a bewildered expression. Why wouldn't he? He was more confused when you jerked your head towards the door.

"You can go. I'll.. um f__k you later." Usually Joker would accept future payments without a second thought however, he was tired of things being transactional with you. Sex wasn't all that he wanted from you.

"Go? I just. Are ya drunk or somethin' doll?" Joker asked. His grip on your face tightened but he would never hurt you. Not unless you asked him to.

"And if I am?" You playfully slurred out. It was common knowledge that you could hold your liquor better than ten men combined. You were mocking him and it was more salt to injury.

Joker stared into your unnatural sky blue eyes. The contacts you wore made it seem like he was talking to a completely different person.

He couldn't understand you and your flippant attitude. It wasn't healthy to brush off near death situations. You stared death in the eye plenty of times for a civilian but you shouldn't have to. You may not reciprocate but Joker cared deeply about your safety. He wasn't protecting you just for sex. He... cared about you.

However, expressing that aloud proved to be quite difficult.

"D__n it Y/n! You act like it's no big deal that you almost died tonight! IT. IS!"

You didn't like Joker raising his voice nor the way he continued to invade your personal space, His hands were too warm on your face and his lips too close to yours. You glanced at them briefly before cleaning your throat.

"Have you forgotten our 'agreement' Joker? You protect me, I spread my legs for you. Simple as that." You said while rolling your eyes. "You never complained before." You grumbled that part under your breath but he heard it clear as day.

Joker didn't know what motivated him to pull the plug but he was done playing games with you. He realized that nothing would come out of this relationship of sorts. You couldn't see what he saw.

"Mm. Then our uh agree-menT is over."

Your lower lip quivered when you felt Joker's hot breath fan over it. It was your turn to be confused. "What?"

Joker clicked his tongue as he let go of your face. Did he have to spell it out for you?

"You are... toxic. A sexy, addictive drug that's more harmful than go~od. You clear-ly don't need meeee when you can have the pick of Gotham to grace your bed. I thought that's all I wanted, a good time. And trust me doll you are very.. very good in the uh fun department but you opened my eyes. I want more."

Joker laughed sharply and patted your cheek, making you flinch. "But you can't handle more. You're stuck in a end-less loop of parties, sex and fleeting moments. There's no rhyme or reason, ya just do it because it's routine. You don't know anything else. You and I are much alike. We hurt people, but your method? Mmm, you leave deep nasty memories that'll never go away. You see, you leave behind glimpses of what could be before disappearing forever. You're an unattainable dream, Y/n. A sweet memory to reminisce on but nothing more."

His words left a bitter lump in the back of your throat. You heard this speech every time one of your lovers realized they deserved better. Joker was breaking things off and you should've been prepared.

They always left.

But you thought Joker was different. You wanted him to see past your party girl façade and save you for real.

"You're wrong.." You mumbled. You could explain if he gave you a chance but it was far too late. Joker turned away from your watery eyes lest he fall back into your manipulative web again.

"I'll uh see myself out." He began walking away and your mind just couldn't take it. You lost count of how many ex's walked out in like manner. Their names were just another blimp in your mind yet you couldn't allow Joker to join their ranks.

He was your guardian; he was supposed to save you!

"Joker?! Please..." Your voice cracked after saying his name again. "S-Stop! Walking!" You finally screeched.

Joker paused his stride and you went on a tangent.

"You're right! I'm toxic and I'm bad at love! I have a reputation in this town as prolific as yours! I party and I flirt and I break people's hearts and move on, all to save myself from heartache! When I fall, I fall hard and I always make the same mistakes. I'm not perfect. Heh.. my ex's will attest to that."

You stalled and didn't notice Joker arching an eyebrow at how you were talking mostly with your hands. Your nails were designed with mirrored chrome polish and more gems.

"If I keep things casual and keep people at arm's length, no one would see me for who I am. Someone desperate to be loved. And then I met you and thought– wow. 'He's gonna break my heart."

You startled J when you raised your head to look him dead in the eye.

"You had me under your spell from the very beginning Joker. I was scared you would break things off or worse– kill me, if I said I liked you. I didn't know what to do so I slipped into old habits. I made sure sex between us was strictly business. You kept me safe and I pretended that each time you took me I wasn't utterly infatuated with you. It worked.. until I saw you on the news with your ex. The blonde one."

Joker was speechless hearing you confess.

All this time you had feelings for him and he ruined his chances for a quick screw (that didn't mean anything) with his psychotic ex. Joker hated the tears that dotted your silver lashes but he didn't rush to wipe them away.

You still had some explaining to do.

"I was jealous! I mean.. you prefer blondes and I'm.. not. So.. ugh. Old habits! I just lost myself in anyone that wasn't you. I successfully pushed you away. You stopped answering my late night texts but I didn't want sex. I just.. wanted you." You sniffed.

It was quiet in your apartment until Joker ended the silence with his unique voice.

"Don'T say stuff ya don't mean doll." Joker uttered.

You could see his labored breathing by the rise and fall of his chest and there was a hungry look in his eyes. It made you emboldened.

If you were sober and perhaps not riding an adrenaline high, you wouldn't have blurted out your desires but you were a bold creature by nature. You loved living on the edge.

So you dropped a bomb that J was sorely unprepared for. "Kiss me."

Joker's eyes widened in shock. He barely heard your demand over the sound of his beating heart. Surely he was hallucinating. You were slowly standing to your feet, mighty and confident with each dainty step towards him.

He failed to turn on any lights when he arrived in your apartment. The moon's glow was your spotlight. You were a vision sauntering over to take what you asked for.

The two of you had never kissed before.

It was the only boundary you set up in this odd FWB situationship you and him agreed upon. In the beginning it didn't bother Joker but as time progressed, he longed to kiss your supple lips.

He yearned to learn the curve and experience the taste of them. Would you taste like your signature lip gloss or a unique flavor of your very own?

He couldn't look away from them now that you asked him to claim them. Your lips parted slowly, as if tempting him further and he almost whined.

"Don't tempt me.." He growled instead.

The only reason why he hadn't jumped on you was the distance you still kept from him. Joker could see a hesitant gleam in your eye even as you stopped to stand before him.

He exhaled the moment your hands rested on his chest.

"I'm not. I wanna know how it feels, J." You batted your quicksilver lashes and wetted those luscious lips of yours with your tongue. "It's.. it's been ages.."

A lesser man would have died on the spot. Joker was stronger. It only took him a few seconds to lean down to claim his long awaited prize. Joker grabbed both sides of your face and kissed you.

You whined when his teeth caught your lower lip and sank in. The sudden pain startled you but it was welcomed when Joker groaned in absolute bliss.

You kissed others in the past (hence your aversion to the act) but the way Joker claimed your mouth, you realized you've been doing it all wrong for years. With Joker it wasn't just mashing your mouths together and hoping for the best, no.

Kissing Joker was like a forbidden dance rediscovered by mankind.

You were drowning, he was on cloud nine. Your lips were soft and unsure whereas his scarred ones molded itself against yours in the most sinful way. When he moved, he guided you where to go. He smirked when he ran his tongue on the crease of your lips, asking for permission.

He didn't blame you for being hesitant but he did reward your bravery with each new sensation.

Joker sucked on your tongue, licked the roof of your mouth– giving a new definition to making out. It was eye opening.

You were a fast learner and Joker was glad when you jumped up and wrapped your arms and legs around him to deepen the kiss. He didn't waste a second carrying you both to your bedroom.

And the tango only got better. His lips broke away from you to travel the column of throat to nibble and lick at the perspiration collected there. You gasped and tugged at his hair noting it wasn't in its greasy state. You drew back to take Joker in.

The two of you locked eyes at the same time. He breathed in the same air you did and the lustful gaze you sent him went straight to his head.

If he didn't have you now, he'd go insane(r).

He dropped you on the bed and you bounced twice before coming to a rest in the center. You had yet to catch your balance when Joker crawled on the bed to hover above you.

You f__ked Joker numerous times but never did you feel so demure under him. Maybe because he knew your true feelings the atmosphere changed? Your heart was in your throat as he drank you in.

"Look at youuuuuu. A sweet little gift for me. All mine to mmm... unwrap." Joker murmured as his hands roamed over your exposed skin to find the knot that would reveal you to his gaze.

You squirmed with each playful caress and tug. "Is it here? Ah! Noooooo maybe... here?" He cooed.

"Joker.. don't tease!" You whined. J was smart and already examined your 'outfit' back at the club. His eagle eyes noted it all unraveled at your hips but where was the fun in removing it properly?

His dark chuckle made your eyes fly open, "Ohhh you poor thing. Who said I was teasin' ya yet?"

The material was reduced to shreds in Joker's strong grip. Your jaw dropped in disbelief as he cast the remains aside and smirked at your nude body finally accessible for him to fondle.

"That was custom made.." You mumbled. None of it mattered when Joker dove down and captured a pert nipple in his mouth.

You arched into the touch and combed your fingers into his hair. Each of your breasts were lathered in his spit and love and you twitched in need when Joker didn't advance lower. He kept a usual predictable path in bed but he wasn't sticking to it tonight. So of course you got a little testy.

You yanked his hair so he could lock eyes with you. His green eyes were so expressive. "Go lower!"

J just grinned at your sassiness and resumed licking and biting your breasts. He reveled in your frustrated groan until you tried reaching down to touch yourself. Now that was a big no no.

In a blink of an eye, Joker had seized your hands and pinned them above your head. You tried to break free but he just growled at you until you stopped.

"It's not nice to touch other people's things, Y/n. Keep your hands to yourself till I tell ya other-wise." He left open mouth kisses down your neck and ground his erection into your core. It wasn't fair that you were nude while he was still fully dressed.

Joker hadn't dressed up for the club's nightly theme but he looked delectable in all black.

You were staining his suit pants with each rock of your hips, not that he minded. He just angled himself better to stimulate you more. The friction of his pants brushed against your clit and you moaned out loud.

"Give me what I want Joker!"

Of course the idiot ignored you in favor of teasing you further with his warm hands. It amazed you how hot Joker's body temperature ran. He was like a furnace pining you to the bed.

Out of nowhere he smacked your thigh. You yelped at the sudden sting.

"That ain't how ya ask." His long fingernails dragged into the slope of your inner thighs and you sobbed. He was so close to where you wanted him, yet so far away.

You don't know how you managed to keep your hands put above your head with the constant writhing your body made on the bed sheets. Every fiber of your being was urging you to touch Joker.

You knew where this was going. Joker wanted you to beg.

You never caved before but tonight's events and spoken words had you desperate and ready to abandon all of your morals. You knew it and Joker knew it.

He also knew you were as stubborn as an ox.

"I want your cock!" Another slap rang out in the bedroom. This one was way too close to your clit and you choked back a moan. You were practically throbbing in need.

"Anngg wrong, doll. Try ooooooone more time." Joker slid his hands to your knees and parted your legs like the Red Sea.

The treasure that lay between them shined like gold. He stared like a dying man who found an oasis.

How could you be so wet when he had yet to touch you? He watched your opening clench around air as a trickle of juices dampened the sheets underneath you. As if he could quit this cold turkey. You were a treat wasted on lesser men.

Joker looked up from your sopping wet pussy when you finally cracked under pressure. He could hear the want in your high pitched whimper. "Please daddy! Please touch me! N-No more teasing!"

He was not expecting that.

You were in-tune with your sexuality and prowess in bed, it was a trait that Joker admired about you. He loved how you knew what you fancied and didn't, although he was wise to notice that you never relaxed and let him fully be in control.

There was always a piece of you that remained assertive during the exchange. Joker wanted to help you embrace being more submissive in bed but he never imagined that you would take the initiative yourself.

He faltered seeing you pout your lip in want. He wasn't sure if this was an act or a genuine desire that muddied your thinking.

Joker was gonna eat you out. His plan was to wring out as many orgasms from you until your mind crumbled into mush but something about hearing a strong, assertive woman like you whimper and call him daddy?

Joker snapped.

The chime of Joker's belt coming loose sent molten lava straight to your pussy and the sight of him fumbling to remove his clothes made some of your natural cocky attitude return. You snorted at his frantic movements but your smirk was smacked right off your face when Joker grabbed ahold of your jaw.

"Look. At. Me. That's it. Look at me when I slideeeee in deep."

Lord knows you tried but your eyes fell closed at the heavy weight of Joker's cock resting at your entrance. The feel of it there had you needy for more.

Joker had forced you into a dry spell by not answering your texts and calls. He was unavailable so you called up your past lovers to assist but they couldn't get you off like Joker could. It was frustrating to suffer through their attempts only to scream and kick them out when that big O alluded you.

Not being able to cum was an insult and a blow to your reputation, so you stopped seeing partners until you figured out the problem.

You hadn't cum in weeks going on a month but you had an answer to your problem. Joker ruined your mind, body, and soul and no one else would do.

You were crying tears of joy as Joker slotted his cock in between your puffy lips to lubricate himself.

In the same instance, his grip slid down from your jaw to your throat. He didn't squeeze too tight but just enough to get the message across.

"What did I just say, doll?"

You forgot you had closed your eyes against his instructions! You flung your eyes open to apologize however J snarled at the foreign color staring up at him. He wanted tonight to be perfect and your dumb icy blue contacts weren't meeting his idea of perfection. He spoke his thoughts aloud.

Joker tapped your temple. "Take these out. Now."

Basic hygiene didn't matter. You nodded and reached up to remove your contacts, flicking them somewhere off to the side. You'd mourn their loss later. You needed Joker's dick more.

Joker watched you blink a few times before fixing him with a timid look. He groaned seeing your natural e/c eyes, blown out in lust, staring at him.

His smile took your breath away.

"There's my girl. No one else's ya got that? This pussy is.. all mine now. If I catch ya giving it to someone else. Well." Joker shoved his dick into you in one smooth thrust.

You screamed at the sudden intrusion with tears dotting your eyes. Joker gave you no warning as he quickly pulled out before ramming his cock back in as deep as he could go.

"Haha.. I'll ahh yes, I'll kill 'em doll. No one. No one touches what's mine!" His eyes rolled back when your pussy squeezed tight around him.

You felt so good he swiftly lost himself to pleasure. His hands flew to the headboard for balance so as to not marr your beautiful skin with his vice-like grip. His neon eyes narrowed when you tried moving yours from above your head.

And so they stayed.

Each cant of his hips bullied his dick deeper and deeper into your pussy as he set a fast and rough pace. It was nothing different from any other late night booty call the two of you shared and you welcomed the pain his dick left inside your walls. It was no secret that you loved it rough and that's what made Joker stop moving all together.

Joker all but froze inside of you and you immediately protested with another frustrated wet sob of his name.

"Shush shush shush I know. I know." Joker hushed your hiccups with a mocking tone. "I want you to feel it sooooo we gotta go slow baby doll."

You let out a shaky moan as Joker began churning his dick in your pussy, unbearably slow. His hands let go of the headboard to grab a hold of your hands still positioned above your head.

He applauded you for listening to his instructions this long and kissed your forehead in gratitude.

You whimpered again when he laced his fingers with yours. "You feel that?" He asked. He stirred his dick deeper with a weak moan of his own.

"Yesssssss you're so deep, J!" You replied back.

He nodded listlessly and scanned your face in awe. You were cock drunk already and barely thinking straight. All those nights jerking off and daydreaming about you underneath him was finally coming true. It was better than he could ever fantasize. Until you just had to ruin it.

"Ah! Please f__k my pussy, J! I wanna cum.."

You were still defiant and that just wouldn't do. He sighed out, "No."

You cried out more pleas but Joker ignored each one to rest his weight completely on you. All the air in your lungs escaped you.

J was heavy in the best way; not too heavy where you couldn't breathe, but just enough to make your head swim. A dopey smile spread across your face.

Joker enjoyed it too since he could make you feel dainty and small like this. You deserved that. You didn't have to be strong all the time and especially not in bed with someone you cared for.

You wanted him and Joker would give you everything. All in due time. He shifted his hips and all but humped you.

Each roll of his hips was like a bolt of electricity to your clit. He filled you perfectly and it teetered on the verge of being too much. You didn't know how much more of this torture you could take.

Tears were running down your face and you knew you were drooling. You were so close to that blessed edge but still far from its reach. You were reduced to babbles when Joker's cockhead tapped against your cervix. "Ow ahh! Yes! Joker, please.. I'll be good just please... mmm! G-Go faster!"

"No. I– nghh.." Joker thrusted too sharply and it made the both of you moan out.

He took a second to catch his breath. He wanted this just as much as you, but he had to be patient. "I won't give in until you give me what I want."

"I don't know!!" You sobbed while squeezing Joker's hands. It was nothing compared to the death grip your pussy had around his cock. If he was going insane, he could only imagine how you were fairing.

So he took pity on you. How could he not when you looked so miserable underneath him?

He licked your tear stained face before whispering in your ear. "You don't know? Awww, you poor thing. I'll help ya. Say it. Tell me you're mine. The moment you do, f__k, I'm gonna breed you, doll." You gasped and Joker laughed at your stunned expression.

"Yeah, I'll turn ya into that smitten wife waiting at home for her husband. Don't ya want that? I know you secretly do, Y/n. Aren't ya tired of playing games, breaking hearts, makin' me so f__king jealous?!"

You clenched around his cock, hearing his words and the feeling made him falter.

Joker squeezed your hands tighter and dropped his head in the crook of your neck. This was torture for him too. You were wetter than you'd ever been and grinding into your pussy was driving him wild. He couldn't stop talking.

"Ahh you r-ruined me doll! I can't get you out of my he~aaad. Your eyes. Your smile... Those stupid funny jokes you make when ya think I ain't listening.. S__t, your pussy! I want it. I want it all. Give. It. To. Me." He bit your neck to stifle his groans.

You almost ruptured Joker's ears screaming so loud.

"Say. It." Each word was punctuated by hard thrusts into your cunt and you grew hoarse trying to fix your lips to voice J's desires.

You couldn't feel your toes anymore but somehow your legs were still wrapped around Joker's waist. It was maddening being dominated in such a way but a small part of you loved it.

You had grown tired of the same routine. Party, flirt, f__k, sleep, repeat.

The idea of submitting to Joker was somewhat appealing. You wouldn't be settling down in the traditional sense, he was The Joker after all, (as if he'd take responsibility if he actually knocked you up) but being content with one partner, to this outstanding man who was pinning you down and groaned in your ear— was making you crumble under peer pressure.

You might be bad at love but now was the perfect time to give it a try. And who knows. Joker might actually be the one that could finally fix you. You found the strength to give into his demands.

"I'm yours! Only yours Joker! Please take me! I want ahhhhhh!!!"

The rest of your sentence was irrelevant. Once you said his name, the last shrivel of his patience evaporated.

Joker folded your thighs up to your chest and delivered on his promise. He said your name like a forbidden secret and snapped his hips into yours with no intention of stopping. His thrusts were unyielding into your sopping wet pussy and your screams drowned out Joker's hushed declarations into your ear.

The weight of each vow grew too much to bear and you fell apart when Joker's dick stroked your g spot one time too many. You swore you fainted, the pleasure was so intense.

Joker watched your eyes roll back before your pussy sucked him in with frantic pulses.

He lost it too and rammed his cock as far back as he could before emptying everything that he had inside of you. There was just so much to give and judging by your legs spazzing, you took every last drop like a pro. He was floating on the fact that you let him cum inside.

This had to be a dream but your broken moan confirmed this was very much real. You were trying to say his name.

Joker panted and helped lower your legs before rolling the two of you so you could rest on his chest.

Not once did he let you go, not even you jerked back to consciousness, hiccupping. You tried pulling away but Joker wasn't having it.

"Stop. Moving. Ahh lemme stay where I belong." He lazily thrusted up to return back to his original position. You whimpered at the full feeling. Cuddling was.... kinda nice.

You hummed and nuzzled up closer in Joker's arms. "You know normal couples just ask, 'will you be mine? Not bust a nut into their partners."

Joker chuckled hearing your funny personality coming out to play. You were slowly turning back to normal.

He kissed your forehead, sighing. "Mm, I'm noT. Normal. But.. yes. You're mine if that's what you're asking. Annnnd it works both ways."

You peeked at him with hooded eyes. "You're mine too?"

Joker groaned your name and you both felt when his dick twitched inside your pussy.

"Whaddya think, doll? He ahh likes the sound of thaT." You slapped his chest and J rolled his eyes.

Of course you noticed him dodging the question. He sighed and swept a strand of your hair off your forehead. The blonde wig was pretty but he longed for your natural curls that lie underneath.

"Yes, Y/n. You have me. And not just for the night.. but until ya no longer want me. Mkay?" He bopped you on the nose.

"I might keep you forever." You warned.

You squealed in delight when Joker flipped you over onto your back with a mischievous grin. "Sounds like a plannnn but let's see if you can, uhh, survive the night, yeah?"

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infiniteko · 3 months

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Hi, how are you doing?

One of the things that I think has caused these discussions that we are seeing in the last few days (you know the ones) is people thinking that you don't want to answer clearly what the anons ask (as if you were hiding a secret) because your answers sometimes sound as "vague" and "confusing".

My question is: you can't answer in a more "specific" way because that would imply the use of more words and even the use of dual concepts. Then you would be against the philosophy that you yourselves are trying to teach. That's why you have to stick to explaining in the simplest and most objective way possible, being careful not to use dual concepts?

My question was probably very confusing 😅

I'll try to give an example: you say "drop all the labels, so you can find the only real thing: the 'Self' " and then an anon asks "ok, but how do I drop the labels?" and you respond "there is no how to, you just do it".

In this case, this answer was not clear enough, because the anon was probably expecting some kind of "method" on "how to", so he and other people who read the answer may think that you are refusing to answer. But what I see, in this example at least, is that there is no way to explain "how to drop the labels", the words are not enough to explain, and if you were to use more words, you would end up falling into duality, which is controversial, so you need to stick to responding in the "least dual way possible." Am I correct of viewing this way?

(Sorry if it's hard to understand my question, english not being my native language doesn't help much 🥲 feel free to not respond if you find too confusing)

I definitely understand what you're trying to ask or say and I kind of agree with it. [long text ahead]

Here's the thing, when I first stumbled across Advaita Vedanta, it was from Swami Sarvapriyananda

and I literally cannot answer "how do I go within" questions because it is not something that can be explained, just how your actual Being cannot be explained because words are limited. There is only a certain amount of things you can say but that's not even enough to explain it. If I called myself "Awareness™️", and "Awareness™️" only, on one hand it's a good hint to the direction of what I am but actually, it is not who I really(!) Am. Because what you are cannot be put into words and this whole "don't label this and that as good or bad" is just a hint(!!). A lot of people think that not labeling something is part of a method but it's not. What I always meant and have clarified as so, was that by not labeling something as good or bad you just see it as it is. You see it as something that is just happening nothing else and whatever is just happening is nothing but "You".

Those that say it's too "vague" or that are angry and then start ranting about how vague I am on other accounts, don't fully understand anything. Because when I learned about it from Swami Sarvapriyananda, I didn't ask how to go within or what to do next or how do I get my "desires" and everything. None of us ran from one account to another for weeks just to get the same answers. All it truly takes is yourself and people don't understand that. If I would post something like "this is a how to go within explanation" or whatever, I would be telling lies because there is no "how to" go within or even worse, "how to BE". You just are, you just are yourself, you just notice yourself. There is no explanation to it because it cannot be put into words and it's something a lot of people overlook. They think that I'm gatekeeping the truth or that I don't want to help. But if I would be gatekeeping the truth or if I didn't want to help then why the hell would I even make this account? Why would I even be here? The simple answer to why can't I just explain it is because there is literally no explanation. It is something you have to do by yourself and you have to notice by yourself. You can read as much as you want to. If you don't sit down with yourself and just notice your own being BY YOURSELF,

every single word you have ever read is useless. Because why are you reading if you're not using it

or pondering on it. What is the point in gathering endless amount of information without using it? That's something a lot of people don't notice that they are literally taking one post after another without even deeply taking in what is being said or sitting down and understanding what is being said and then notice it themselves. I cannot explain direct experience to you. Direct experience is just direct experience of yourself and it is something that you are always doing, you just have to notice that you are doing it. If you see someone trying to explain what direct experience or "how to go within" is

they're far from actuality because words are far from the truth. It is not something that can be put into words and it is not something that needs a manual. You cannot put rules or limitations like a how-to tutorial onto a direct experience it is, again, something you have to notice by yourself and if you are incapable of doing that (which is impossible by the way, you just think that you are incapable) then there's nothing I can do because pointers are pointers. Swami Sarvapriyananda, Rupert Spira, Being_is_IT, Realitywarpingg (no concepts), Robert Adams, Fred Davis, etc are just a few accounts + of course scriptures from Tibetan Buddhism and the actual(!) philosophy Advaita Vedanta (NOT Tumblr's version), none of them give you a how-to tutorial, none of them explain in detail how to do something.

They just give you hints because it is literally all that can be given.

You cannot explain direct experience, you cannot put it into words. I mean, think for a minute. If "THAT" experience and can really be put into words, don't you think that someone would have done it a long time ago? We did not come up with ND. A lot of people who are new to non-dualism think that non-dualism is something that originated from tumblr by previous large account and

it's some type of method to get your desires or whatever and that's false. It's an ancient l philosophy, not a tumblr trend. Honestly, it's just funny. The AV-philosophy is a hint to what you are and by knowing yourself there is nothing else that can be done because you are "Ultimate Reality", "Absolute Authority", "Infinite Beingness".

What else is there to get if "THAT" is all there is? :')

#ask

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infiniteorangethethird · 3 months

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I've been wanting to put my thoughts abt my experiences as a loveless aroapl into words for a while now, and finally I got the chance to sit down and actually write out all my ideas. Obligatory I don't speak for the entire community and these are just my personal experiences; long post ahead.

First of all, there could be many different meanings to the label loveless, depending on who is the one using it. To me, loveless means that I literally do not experience love, that I do not experience the emotions other people seem to define as love. I do experience strong emotions (though some loveless ppl might not, which is also completely valid), but I identify none of them as love.

The reason I've decided to use the loveless label for myself is because after watching people around me for a long while, I've come to the conclusion that I just simply don't feel the same way about other ppl as they do. I hear my friends talk about how much they missed me after we don't see each other for a while, about how much they wish we had more free time so that we could meet more frequently. I see my long-distance friends with whom we only get to see each other once a year desperately trying to find a time we are all free so that we could meet. I get invited to outings with friends before we even have a plan of what we want to do bc to them, the fact that we're spending time together is more important than what we're actually doing.

Thing is, I do enjoy spending time with people. There are a lot of things, activities, that are more fun (or just straight up made possible) if done with others instead of alone. I also enjoy the safety having a network of people around you can give. But at the same time, I've never really felt any pull towards specific people. I enjoy spending time with people in general, but my interest is a lot more directed at the activities we do together and the general concept of not doing it alone instead of the people involved. At the end of the day I don't care much about who those people are, so long as they are decent and aren't actively ruining the experience.

That isn't to say I'm an asshole to them, though. I know very well that friendships (and relationships in general) require a certain level of care in both directions, usually involving spending time together, and just generally being there for the other. I do want my friends to be happy, I do want to make them happy, but it's not really out of an emotional desire to make them specifically happy, rather a more general inner drive to be good to people. I will put in the effort to socialize, to spend time with people, to listen to them and be there for them emotionally bc I know that's what it takes to maintain a relationship, but it's always going to be somewhat impersonal and more I do out of duty than out of an emotional drive to get closer to them.

And yet, the fact that the general population does seem to have this emotional drive while I never felt anything like it made me feel for the longest time that there was something wrong with me. That not feeling the correct way about my friends is making me somehow evil for tricking them into thinking I was actually their friend, and not some kind of monster who was just using their kindness against them - and it's hard not to feel that way. We live in a society that assumes and constantly reinforces the idea that not only is love the purest emotion, but also the only thing a relationship can be based on. Any relationship that doesn't have love at its core is worthless or meaningless, and if you deliberately enter a relationship as a loveless person you are a bad person and the relationship is inherently toxic. It doesn't matter what you actually do, or what feelings might motivate it - if it's not out of love, it's bad.

In this framework, being loveless means no matter how hard you try, you will just never be enough. It isn't enough to be kind or generous or caring, you MUST love the other, and if they find out you don't, there's a really good chance they will take it as a personal attack and break contact with you, even if before they called you their best friend.

It was this pressure that made me pick up the loveless label. For too long have I felt like I wasn't doing enough, like I was missing something, like I wasn't trying hard enough to feel love. I kept beating myself up over not feeling the correct emotions, but unsurprisingly, this did not make me more capable of love. It just made me hate myself for the way I existed. But the moment I accepted myself as loveless? All of that pressure was gone. I learnt that emotions don't inherently make an action morally better or worse, and that at the end of the day, it doesn't matter what you feel so long as you do the right thing. People don't actually see your emotions, only your actions.

Of course, I still struggle with making and keeping friends. Turns out it is rather difficult to maintain a relationship when you don't have an innate drive towards people; then put on that extra layer of autism and low empathy and you got a recipe for disaster. Still, that doesn't mean I don't try, because I do want to be around people, and I do want those people to be happy to be around me, even if it means I have to put in the extra effort to connect with them that to most ppl comes naturally.

I know this turned out to be pretty long but I wanted to elaborate on these thoughts to give them justice as best as I could. Loveless is still a label most people either don't know or are very confused about, and I just hope I could shed some light on the experience for those who are still unfamiliar with it.

I'm open to answering (good faith) questions, but please remember that I am still just one guy and can't speak on behalf of the whole community.

(Other loveless ppl, feel free to add on your own experiences as well, I'd love to hear about them!)

#loveless #loveless aro #loveless aromantic #aromantic #aro #arospec #loveless aplatonic #loveless apl #aplatonic #aplspec #queer stuff #lgbtq

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redstringraven · 5 months

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alright, so after a thorough replay of the space-arc and a slightly less thorough comb of the invasion-arc here're some loose observations and thoughts regarding triceraton tattoos. i'm not touching triceratons featured in fast forward because... i don't have interest in that fjkldjks. my apologies.

this is mostly for myself, but you're of course more than welcome to use it as a resource, reference, whatever tickles your fancy. if i missed something, feel free to tell me!

there does seem to be some pattern with rank, so i'm gonna start with "low-rank" and make my way up the ladder.

citizens

we don't get to see a lot of triceraton citizens, and basically all of them are background fodder save for zed and raz (the games commentators). from what i can tell, none of them have tattoos on neither their eyes nor their arms--on the ones with bare arms, anyway. it's probably safe to assume they don't have them on their chests because those seem all-star specific.

rebellion

this is where the tattoo thing gets a bit weird--as in, i don't know if they're actually facepaint that can be removed, or if these are all citizens or green soldiers who've not earned their military tattoo yet. traximus still has his tattoo, but none of his rebellion soldiers have the ones we'll later see on every soldier as well as prison guards. it's definitely possible citizens joined the rebellion, but trax had also mentioned in the arena that he still had friends in the ranks. are they not there? did they remove their tattoos? am i over-analyzing a cartoon beyond what the creators considered? (it's that one).

you can click on the screenshot to make it a little bigger but the bottom-left shot shows an actual solder beside a rebellion soldier, the former's tattoo is barely visible but there. their concept art doesn't have a tattoo, and i didn't see any in-show who had one... but, i did more skim through the invasion-arc, so it's possible i missed one. lemmie know if i'm wrong.

prison guards

all prison guards seem to have a single, thick red-line tattoo over their right eye. the ends point toward the backs of their heads. not much to talk about here. the two in the second-to-bottom-left screenshot are missing theirs, but i'm going to assume this is an animation error.

--also, sidebar, i don't think the blue ""tattoos"" prisoners have are remotely the same type of thing, so i don't think that'd apply to my confusion over none of the rebellion soldiers having tattoos.

soldiers

here's once again where the definition of 'tattoo' gets a little blurry, because if tattoos are a sign of rank and then your rank changes... what do. maybe since triceratons already have advanced technology--and tough skin--they have... a solid form of tattoo removal. again, though, i don't think their tattoos are the same as the ""tattoos"" prisoners receive, so i doubt they'd just peel off?? if that were possible, you'd also think they would have removed traximus's tattoo after he was thrown into the games as another way to shame/derank him, too.

so, your basic and most common soldier seems to have two narrow maroon lines over their right eye. the ends do not point in any direction, they're just lines. they're thin enough that they can be very hard to see if the camera's at a distance, but they're still there--just hard to capture in a screenshot partially due to the quality i'm working with.

next is an ensign soldier, which is basically a low-ranking officer. i think we only see one of these guys (he's leading the group who find the turtles as stowaways at the beginning of s2ep3, the big house). his tattoos are once again over the right eye, maroon/purple, thicker than a soldier's tattoo, and the peak of the outer-most line has a point. for a moment, i thought that maybe you'd build on the tattoo as you ranked, but traximus and mozar are gonna kind of throw that theory out the window when we get to them.

there's also this guy from s2ep5, triceraton wars. he's labeled as "strike team leader" on his concept art, and getting a visible shot of his tattoo in-show is very frustrating and not helped by the fact it looks like they goofed his color palette, too. his tattoo is over the right eye (like the previous soldiers), red, and it's a curved line with ends that hook toward the front of his face. it's the most similar to traximus's tattoo that we see.

...also, this episode eludes to the fact that "slag" is a triceraton swear word, as zanramon uses it both as an exclamation of frustration and calls the strike team "slag brains". he could also just be calling them all stony waste matter, tho, so. do with that what you will.

there's also THESE GUYS from the invasion-arc in s3, and they confuse me because the invasion-arc not only introduces this new uniform design i don't see anywhere in the concept art that i've collected, but these soldiers have like. no tattoos. and it can't be an animation error because their lack of tattoo was consistent for any wearing this suit design. monza ram steals this suit from one of the soldiers, and looted soldier who reports back to zanramon later doesn't have a tattoo.

i wonder if these guys are like... more engineers than they are soldiers. we mostly see them in the docking bay or in the control room where the boys learn don's location on the homeworld. they're just armed because they'd stand in the way of anyone attempting to infiltrate the homeworld (or escape it), but i don't think i saw any of them leave the vessel itself.

gruell

gruell is an odd one because he has the same maroon tattoos as your common soldier--two narrow lines over the right eye--but he additionally has a tattoo on his right arm. it's of course possible that other soldiers also have this tattoo and that it's just hidden by their sleeves, but if tattoos are a show of rank or status you'd think it'd be somewhere more visible? maybe arm tattoos are additional signals of status when soldiers are in their civvies or something.

regardless, gruell's arm tattoo is the only of its kind we see: it appears to be red ink: an upright triangle that breaks into two longer lines where the top line hooks up toward the triangle and the bottom line hooks down toward another triangle, albeit this one is upsidedown. i'm not sure if this is meant to be an abstract design with the usual triceraton fondness of triangles and jagged lines, or if's maybe a representation of a bi-ringed planet? homeworld before they blew it up oopsie-doopsy? who knows.

monza ram + the all-stars

okay, if there are ANY anomalies on this list, it's these guys. none of them have anything resembling the soldier nor prison guard tattoos we've previously seen.

monza ram is the most unique; he doesn't seem to have any body tattoos, but he does have two thick red tattoos (or one big tattoo?) that rises from his jaw on both sides of his face and breaks into two spikes, one ending before it reaches his eye and the other 'cutting through' the eye and peaking on his brow. it covers the back third of his face, right in front of where his frill starts.

the other three all-stars have a much more narrow tattoo on either side of their face that looks like a jagged scratch, another narrow tattoo across the backs of their necks, then an extremely long one that seems to wrap diagonally around their back and end on their pecks. this is the only instance of tattoos that aren't maroon or red, too, as one all-star has blue tattoos and another has brown.

we unfortunately don't really know anything about the all-stars, just that they seem to be separate from the gladiator slaves, are undefeated (before the turtles), and after they lost their first fight zanramon had them imprisoned, where traximus would later free and recruit them. none of them have soldier tattoos. i know the triceratons love battle, so i wonder if they're more like the career tributes in the hunger games. they volunteered to be gladiators rather than were made to be them. eh. *shrugs*

commander mozar

title revoked because i said so, mozar is frustrating because he doesn't have an eye tattoo that we can see. those marks under his eye-patch are more likely from the injury that cost him his eye since they're a darker color than his skin tone, but where shit gets tricky is that traximus was a commanding officer before he was gladiator'd. so, it's possible that mozar has a tattoo identical to trax's under that eye-patch, and we just can't see it.

important to note, however, that his right eye--the eye where all other soldiers have had a tattoo--is bare. that's where the whole... building on your tattoo as you rank up theory kind of falls to the wayside. he technically SHOULD have one, but he doesn't.

he also has an arm tattoo, but it's on his left arm. again--he might also have one on his right arm, but it's sleeved. his left arm is only visible because his prosthetics must require a shorter sleeve. the tattoo on his arm is red: the top piece is a crescent shape lying on its side so it opens upward, then a long line that dips into a crescent shape so it frames the crescent above it, and finally an upsidedown triangle under the lowest point of the middle curve. this is much more of an abstract design than gruell's, idk what this could be.

traximus

as with mozar, traximus complicates the ranking up theory because he also lacks any tattoos on his right eye; his tattoo is on his left eye, and it appears to be reddish, zig-zagging down from his horn, across his brow, down over his eye, back along his cheek and then down to the corner of his mouth.

he doesn't have an arm tattoo on his right arm like gruell does, and if he has a tattoo on his left arm like mozar, it's covered by either his commanding officer sleeve or his gladiator armor. if mozar's tattoo has any connection to his ranking as a commander, it's possible trax has it, too. we just never get the chance to see it. pity.

the council

the council is a main indication that tattoos might be less a show of social status and more military or warrior specific, because none of the council members have visible tattoos (ignore mozar, he forgot to wear pink last wednesday idk why he's sitting with us). kind of helps me lean a bit more into my engineer theory from earlier.

prime leader (zanramon)

no visible tattoos. none whatsoever. pathetic. let's be real, he'd probably start crying before the needle even grazed his skin.

if you've made it to the end: thank you ONCE AGAIN for coming along with me on one of my dives into triceraton bullshittery. i'm sorry, i will do it again.

#tmnt 2003 #tmnt 2k3 #triceratons #;hannah's meta #;triceratons #[ space dinosaurs go brrrrr ]

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austinswhitewolf · 8 months

Text

Welcome Home

Hello everyone! It has been a long while since I have posted anything. I went on vacation and then had a bout of writers block. I'm slowly easing back into writing now and this was what helped me back. Hope you like it. I love the concept of shifters. <3

Austin had been gone for a good solid two months filming while you had stayed home, not being able to get away from work to travel with him. It had been extremely hard for the both of you, not normally being away from each other this long. Being shifters, you were always touching each other in some way when out and in public. People had started to label that as you being clingy but Austin had shut that down almost instantly, making a rare instagram post about how much he loved you and that is all that mattered.

You would normally go to the airport to pick him up when he was gone for shorter amounts of time. But with him being gone so long this time, you both had decided that you would wait at home for him. It would be way too public for how much the two of you would need each other's touch.

The only thing that had kept you sane was his scent all around the house, wearing his sweatshirts to bed and shirts around the house. Austin had taken one of your scarves as well as a few of your sweatshirts. Your scent had permeated every fiber of the scarf. You periodically saw pap pictures of him leaving set or out and about in his free time with your scarf around his neck, though it worked well since it was the middle of winter.

You were baking while waiting, trying to keep yourself busy so not to think about Austin being home today. The entire kitchen smelled of baked goods as they were cooling on the island. One of Austin’s soft fluffy sweatshirts was hanging off your shoulders, his scent wafting around you.

As you reached forwards to turn the oven off, you felt a light push to the back of your head. Just as your head tilted forwards slightly, Austin nuzzled his nose and forehead along to the side of your head. His arms slid around your waist as you felt him breathe you in. Your eyes slid shut immediately at the movement from him. The entire world fell away in that moment. A deep rumble filled the air, and you could feel it against your back. This pulled a reciprocal purr from you. Austin turned you around and pulled you against him firmly. You buried your face in his neck, nuzzling just under his jaw where his scent was strongest. It was intoxicating to you, your hands curling into him, not wanting any space between you. Scooping you up into his arms, it was only moments before you were in your bedroom and he was placing you down onto the bed. Just barely peeling you off him, he was quick to shed his jeans, jacket and shirt. You let out a soft whine when he pulled away but when you saw what he was doing, you kicked off your lounge pants and his sweatshirt as well. Before you could think, Austin had crawled up the bed to you, curling his long body around you and nuzzling into your neck taking deep pulls of your scent into his lungs.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You didn’t know what time it was, just that it was dark outside when you woke up having to use the bathroom. It took a few minutes to extricate yourself from Austin’s arms slowly enough to not wake him up.

As you walked into the bathroom, you smiled at how his scent covered you. Sure you were both sticky and happily sore, but he was back home with you. In only the few minutes it took you in the bathroom, Austin had shifted forms and his large lean golden body filled up half of the California king bed. His soft silky mane was sticking up in every direction. Warmth filled your heart at the image in front of you. Sliding back into bed, you gently slid under and between his front legs. His paws were the size of your face. A soft almost giggle slid from your lips as he stretched, having felt your movement against him. Austin cracked an eye open at the noise and let out a large yawn right in your face while curling his front leg around you to pull you tighter against him. Another soft laugh left you at this though when he moved his head back and licked up the entire side of your face you let out a noise of indignation. A happy chuff left him before his rumbling purr filled the room.

#austin butler #austin butler fanfiction #austin butler fic #austin butler imagine #austin butler fandom #austin butler fanfic #austin butler story #austin butler fluff #austin butler love #austin butler fan fiction #austin butler x you #austin butler x reader #austin butler one shot #austin butler lion shifter #austin butler shifter #austin butler lion

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lonelyseasoning-numero-uno · 4 days

Text

video game concepts/headcanons

very long post

if i continue w/ this, each character will get a link to start the "game" which would be a choose your own adventure

but it'd take forever because I'd have to script interactions and junk plus potentially making a soc version, then maybe collaborate with someone to get the Shepard stuff done (I know nothing about them and don't want to butcher their characters)

Recommended that you grab a piece of paper to calculate money, happiness, relationship points, etc. You may also get a spinner for chance if you’d rather not select (some decisions will be labeled, some will be numbered so it’s just chance either way) Recommended for free play (fighting): Dally. Recommended for free play (quests and playtime): Darry- warning, very difficult. Not recommended: Steve (due to his lack of ‘screen time’, I have less of a grasp on his character and could not be as in depth and remain faithful to his character) First of all, choose your path: Greaser edition

Benefits: you have tuff hair

Choose a greaser:

Dallas

Benefits: he has fought a lot, and you may use the ability to see an opponent’s weakness(es) if you are calm enough (number of times this is able to be done is based on difficulty). He may be able to bluff his way out of a fight (can be done with or without gone, more or less likely with gun depending on the opponent)- impossible on hard difficulty. Drawbacks: has many enemies, you will be attacked OFTEN. Rare chance for you to be taken to detention center for someone else’s crime because of your record. You have a meter that shows your level of anger (occasionally glitches to see sadness/other emotions bar underneath), that can be used for upgrades (not purchased by cash) or if it gets too high you die (like the end of the actual book..) Extra: you have many interactions with Tim, can be turned into fights if you wish.

Side quests/minigames:

Avoid Tim

Go see Tim

Bartend

Poker

Pool

Keep an eye on Johnny and Pony

Steal (can be successful or unsuccessful)

Lie game w/ fuzz (or truth and getting out of crime you didn’t do)- related to memory games, logical (you must state an alibi based on all the things you’ve done)

Darry

Benefits: he has the largest default number for attack points, and most enemies leave him alone due to his reputation and large stature. Drawbacks: you have life or death quests like Steve, but you have to do them for 3 people. You also have a vinaigrette effect on your screen that may consume it. This is due to you being overworked, and the only way to make it go away is to skip a day of work. (this will lose you 10 dollars.. dangerous). Another thing with this effect- when fighting enemies, you may miss a turn because you are too tired to go fast enough. (if an enemy sees you tired without you hiding, they will attack on sight) Also, if Soda or Pony catches you without you using the function to hide your exhaustion, you will be forced to skip work or argue. (if you lose enough relationship w/ them, PB will run away, and Soda will be sad and not talk to you.)

Side Quests/minigames:

Mostly explained tbh

The disguise/hide function

Work

Check Pony’s homework

Bake chocolate cake

Budgeting (will effect a lot of gameplay)

Grocery shopping (must have needs met, and if you meet wants, happiness boost for PB and Soda)

Cleaning for social worker

Keeping from crying until you are in your room (if you lose, there is a false game over screen that you must click through. Then, you will see a screen where you and your brothers are hugging)

Soda

Benefits: charm/charisma function (+10 friendship/relationship points on any interaction). On normal mode, Steve has a 30% chance to spawn during fights and help you. Drawbacks: you have a ton of side quests related to comforting others, and during these, you must multitask and push down your own feelings (a button will be dedicated to this). You also have to play meditator, in which you essentially help both sides play tug of war, evening things out and making each side see the other one. If you fail, Pony runs away and you don’t have a game over, but the world becomes duller (actually, the colors change for real) and during every interaction you must push your feelings down. If you are caught, you have to talk your way out of it. (only allows wins, required for story.. forced lose when PB gets back)

Extra: smile function (just for funsies)

Side quests/minigames:

Meditator (tug of war w/ logic and emotion)

Push feelings down

Write letter to Sandy

Make Darry laugh

Work

Clean the house

Bake cake

Dye food

Two-Bit

Benefits: you can say something funny/off the wall enough to distract opponents and escape (only works sometimes). You also are more likely to not be caught in the steal minigame than anyone else. Drawbacks: if you go into a store, you are forced to play the steal minigame which can cause a game over if lost (unless Dallas takes the blame, rare chance- playing off of a book event where Two-Bit smashed windows and he took the blame). If Dallas does take the blame and goes to jail, if the event is set off where PB and Johnny run away, you have to help them instead (you are closest to PB other than Soda and Johnny). Along with this, you are drunk often, so you may be taken by surprise more in fights. Due to your drunkenness, you also can’t work and have to borrow money for upgrades by doing tasks for other greasers. (upgrades that are beyond food, Two-Bit’s switchblade, and drink cannot be stolen).

Side quests/minigames:

Stealing (specifically the blade, but anything)

Randomized tasks from other greasers

Looking for PB and J

Johnny

Benefits: you are willing to kill to keep yourself and others safe, meaning you die the least in battles (I had to give him something, okay). You also have great survival skills and can live without help for however long is necessary. (he’s on his own a lot soooo). Drawbacks- people target you because you look weak and small. You have to play the minigame “watch” often.

Side quests/minigames:

Watch- you have to look at your surroundings closely, everytime you go anywhere.

Start a fire

Cigarette run

Steal (likely win, you are stealthy)

Listen/comfort (PB)

School

Ponyboy

Benefits: call (able to call a nearby greaser once every three to five fights, depending on difficulty you selected). Intelligence (if you read, you may gain knowledge that can help you anywhere in the game). Drawbacks: you are small, so you must complete extra minigames to win with strategy or use call. You have your head in the clouds, so you may get surprise attacks more often, and you have the chance to receive timed tasks late and suffer the consequences if they are not done on time. You also can escalate fights because of your sass, which can trigger you running away w/ Johnny (basically what happened to Bob in the book will happen). Extra: you get more interactions with Johnny, Two-Bit, and Sodapop, but less with Steve and Darry. Based on the choices you make, Dallas interactions vary. Curly is optional, but you can interact with him more than any other character can.

Sidequests/minigames

Cigarette run

Get stuff for chocolate cake

Go to the library

Do something stupid with Curly

Avoid Darry

Do homework

Keep worry at bay

Homework

Avoid socs (forced loss)

Make cake!

Track (possible forced loss because of smoking)

Strategy minigames

Reading

Steve

Benefits: you have the most money (due to being kicked out and paid) and can purchase upgrades easier. Soda has a 30% chance (on normal mode) to show up during battles. Drawbacks: you get kicked out sometimes and have extra quests that are life or death (depending on how long you play, you may gain a tolerance and be less affected by needs, depending on your selected difficulty). You have to do extra quests to keep your anger down, or you may be hurt by reckless fighting or hurt your friends

Sidequests/minigames:

Survive the night (2 modes of completion)

Go to work/school

Drag Races

Evie

Pay attention! (School)

Break up/stay together (Evie and Steve fight)

Try not to lose your shit (any character around him, may lose or may not)

Poker

Mess with Pony

Upgrades

You can buy cigarettes, which will boost happiness 20% per time used (5 uses)- 3$(only bought twice)

You can buy a soda, thirst decreases 50%- 1.50$ (bought 5 times)

Chips are the same but for hunger

Paper (specific to PB)- 1$, infinite times (used to write story, you have to buy these as you complete story mode)

Gone With The Wind- 5$ (one time buy) required for Story Mode, but can be used for extra interactions with Johnny/PB in free play

Cake ingredients (unspecified)- 3$, once cooked, increase happiness by 50% and hunger decreases 10%

Two-Bit’s switchblade (for Two-Bit in freeplay. If you actually pay for it and don’t steal it, you will get a funny message regarding the strange occurrence)

Upgrades (emotion meter, some available to all characters, some not)

+10 strength- 50 points (available to everyone except PB and Johnny- I want you to feel their size/build and difference from other greasers)

+5 strength- 40 points (for PB and Johnny)

+extra life (90 points, risky to get this high- only for Darry, Dallas, and Steve)

+10 hp/ grit- 45 points (+20 for Johnny, same price)

+get another character’s special ability- 90 points (everyone)

+get another character’s special ability and one of their drawbacks (you can’t choose which drawback)- 70 points (everyone)

Relationship meter

You may create romantic relationships, but only approved ones (I’m sorry but this fandom has ethically questionable relationships and I’d rather not)

Or friendships

Any romantic builders will be labeled with hearts to minimize confusion. You may turn romance off.

#ponyboy curtis #johnny cade #dallas winston #the outsiders #sodapop curtis #darry curtis #the outsiders headcanons #headcanons #two bit mathews #steve randle

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outsiders-chooseyourownadventure · 4 days

Text

video game concepts/headcanons

very long post (separate blog because I don't want to clog up my main)

if i continue w/ this, each character will get a link here to start the "game" which would be a choose your own adventure

Benefits: you have tuff hair

Choose a greaser:

Dallas

Side quests/minigames:

Avoid Tim

Go see Tim

Bartend

Poker

Pool

Keep an eye on Johnny and Pony

Steal (can be successful or unsuccessful)

Lie game w/ fuzz (or truth and getting out of crime you didn’t do)- related to memory games, logical (you must state an alibi based on all the things you’ve done)

Darry

Side Quests/minigames:

Mostly explained tbh

The disguise/hide function

Work

Check Pony’s homework

Bake chocolate cake

Budgeting (will effect a lot of gameplay)

Grocery shopping (must have needs met, and if you meet wants, happiness boost for PB and Soda)

Cleaning for social worker

Keeping from crying until you are in your room (if you lose, there is a false game over screen that you must click through. Then, you will see a screen where you and your brothers are hugging)

Soda

Extra: smile function (just for funsies)

Side quests/minigames:

Meditator (tug of war w/ logic and emotion)

Push feelings down

Write letter to Sandy

Make Darry laugh

Work

Clean the house

Bake cake

Dye food

Two-Bit

Side quests/minigames:

Stealing (specifically the blade, but anything)

Randomized tasks from other greasers

Looking for PB and J

Johnny

Side quests/minigames:

Watch- you have to look at your surroundings closely, everytime you go anywhere.

Start a fire

Cigarette run

Steal (likely win, you are stealthy)

Listen/comfort (PB)

School

Ponyboy

Sidequests/minigames

Cigarette run

Get stuff for chocolate cake

Go to the library

Do something stupid with Curly

Avoid Darry

Do homework

Keep worry at bay

Homework

Avoid socs (forced loss)

Make cake!

Track (possible forced loss because of smoking)

Strategy minigames

Reading

Steve

Sidequests/minigames:

Survive the night (2 modes of completion)

Go to work/school

Drag Races

Evie

Pay attention! (School)

Break up/stay together (Evie and Steve fight)

Try not to lose your shit (any character around him, may lose or may not)

Poker

Mess with Pony

Upgrades

You can buy cigarettes, which will boost happiness 20% per time used (5 uses)- 3$(only bought twice)

You can buy a soda, thirst decreases 50%- 1.50$ (bought 5 times)

Chips are the same but for hunger

Paper (specific to PB)- 1$, infinite times (used to write story, you have to buy these as you complete story mode)

Gone With The Wind- 5$ (one time buy) required for Story Mode, but can be used for extra interactions with Johnny/PB in free play

Cake ingredients (unspecified)- 3$, once cooked, increase happiness by 50% and hunger decreases 10%

Two-Bit’s switchblade (for Two-Bit in freeplay. If you actually pay for it and don’t steal it, you will get a funny message regarding the strange occurrence)

Upgrades (emotion meter, some available to all characters, some not)

+10 strength- 50 points (available to everyone except PB and Johnny- I want you to feel their size/build and difference from other greasers)

+5 strength- 40 points (for PB and Johnny)

+extra life (90 points, risky to get this high- only for Darry, Dallas, and Steve)

+10 hp/ grit- 45 points (+20 for Johnny, same price)

+get another character’s special ability- 90 points (everyone)

+get another character’s special ability and one of their drawbacks (you can’t choose which drawback)- 70 points (everyone)

Relationship meter

You may create romantic relationships, but only approved ones (I’m sorry but this fandom has ethically questionable relationships and I’d rather not)

Or friendships

Any romantic builders will be labeled with hearts to minimize confusion. You may turn romance off.

#the outsiders #choose your own adventure #big project #darry curtis #ponyboy curtis #dallas winston #two bit mathews #steve randle #johnny cade #sodapop curtis

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canumoveurseatup-no · 2 years

Text

It’s Time

summary: it’s hard to accept the truth

pairings : eddie x Sinclair!reader

warnings: angst, grief, in denial about death, breaking down

a/n: I don’t know if anyone did this concept for Eddie already but if they did I’m not trying to copy anyone!🤍

————

“Hey, Y/N are you coming to Steve’s tonight?,” Dustin asked. Everyone has been tiptoeing around you since you all defeated Vecna and you’re not sure why. Sure some lives were lost but you still have Eddie and your little siblings and that’s what matters most.

“Uuuh I don’t think so, I have some studying to do,” you give the freshman a smile, even with you smiling, Dustin looked at you like he had something to say, “I’ll catch you all at lunch though, okay?”

“Yeah!” He gave a weak smile and turned to walk over to his friends, seeing your younger brother.

“How is she able to smile?,”

“I don’t know, but I’ll take it as long as she’s okay. She doesn’t talk about that night,” Lucas shrugged, “Literally the next day she woke up happy as ever asking Erica if they wanted to go on a shopping date,”

“We all wear grief differently,” Max added in, “I drowned myself in music and isolation. At least she’s trying to move forward and remain normal,”

Dustin frowned, knowing the pain you’re avoiding. He knows it’s going to build up and he doesn’t want that for you. Dustin hasn’t been able to sleep well since that night and everyone has just been able to move forward. He knows issues with the upside down have been a reoccurring issue, but something about this time around just stuck with him and no one else understands because they’re in such a rush to move on and live normal lives.

“Avoiding grief isn’t normal,”

———

“Baby why don’t we go spend time with your friends?,” Eddie questioned. Mindlessly strumming his guitar, admiring the little frown you have on your face from focusing, “you’ve been studying super hard with no free time,”

“The only free time I need is with you,” looking up at him and smiling, “I almost lost you that night,”

“You almost lost all of us,” Eddie corrected.

“Yeah but you’re the one I plan on spending the rest of my life with so that night solidified it that I need to be with you more, especially after your name was cleared,”

“Thank God,” he huffed, setting his guitar back on the wall to come over to you, towering over you to give you a kiss on your cheek, “orange isn’t my color and I don’t think I’d be able to survive not being with you all the time,”

“It’s okay, I’d break you out,” you giggle and just stare at him. He looks much more tired than usual, everyone does but Eddie has been through a lot. Being blamed for murder, being in the run being attacked in the Upside Down and having to heal from that.

“Cmon, let’s stop studying for tonight and go be with your friends,” he helped you stand up but you wrapped your arms around him bringing him down for a kiss.

“How about we just stay in and talk about our plans to leave this hellhole,”

Eddie just smiled at you and you both got ready for bed, once you are, you’re wrapped in his arms and feel so safe.

“I’m thinking we should just go to California like you said before,” you started, right before all this Vecna bullshit you Eddie was actually starting to get the attention of record label executives and had many offers, he just couldn’t figure out which deal to go for, then shit hit the fan.

But everything is fine now.

“Why the change of heart?”

“I think we’ll just thrive better there. You have your music, I’ll graduate with my cosmetology license so I don’t have to go to college. We could be big out there, Eddie!” You signed dreamily.

“Eddie and Y/N Munson. We could be big names in a big city,” you added. Eddie squeezed you tighter as you dreamed about your near future together.

“California it is. You sure you’re going to be able to leave this place behind? Your home?”

“Home is wherever you are, Eddie”

———

Eddie had some deals to make and told you he’d meet you at school. When you pull up, Lucas wastes no time jumping out of the car to be with his friends and Erica jumped out walking over to her friends over at the middle school. Nancy pulled up beside you to drop Mike off and waved happily when she saw you. She hasn’t seen you in a few days because you lock yourself away studying and spending time with Eddie.

You quickly get out of your car and get to her. She gets out and gives you a big hug, “I’ve missed you!” She squeals.

“I miss you too! Sorry I’ve been busy studying for my cosmetology license so it’s been time consuming,”

She smiles and nods, happy that you’re at least keeping up with your grades in the midst of grief.

“They’re going to do a moment of silence for Chrissy today,” you let her know. She knows Chrissy was your best friend and she knows what it’s like to lose a best friend, so she empathizes, “It’s been a month since she’s passed”

“I’m glad they’re doing that for her, I’ve seen the vigils for all those who were lost during that time. You let me know if you need anything okay? Any of us, we’re here,”

“I know, Nance and I love you guys for it. I’ll meet up with you guys after school,”

“Sounds good, I’ll see you later,”

You two say your goodbyes and Nancy goes over to meet with Jonathan as you head into school, waving to your brother’s friends who you have adopted as little siblings as well. Will and El are back so it’s good to see them finally have a normal life and school year.

You meet up with Robin as you two have lockers right beside each other. She sees you in your cheerleading uniform, white cardigan with a button that has Chrissy’s face on it. She doesn’t want to bring it up, she knows you’re hurting.

“Hey, how you holding up?,” She asks quietly. While you have been moving through life normally, you still haven’t really been chatting much.

“I’m okay!! How are you?” You question, she looks exhausted, you all are. The school year ends in a few months so it’s crunch time.

“Classes are kicking my ass but I’m hanging in there. We miss you, we’re going to Lover’s Lake after school for a bonfire if you’d like to come,”

You weigh your options, not knowing if you want to stay in with Eddie or go with them. You figured you’d take Eddie’s advice and hang out with your friends, he’d probably just go over Rick’s.

“I know the lake is still a sore spot but we figured we could give it a new history,” she adds.

“Y-yeah,” you send a soft smile, “I’ll be there after I stop by to see Chrissy’s family. We’re having a memorial for her,”

“That’s so sweet,” Robin gives you a hug and takes a deep breath, it seems like she needed this hug more than you did, “Be safe and we’ll see you later okay? We’ll be at the lake at 6:30,”

“I’ll be there,”

———

By the time lunch came you were finally able to see Eddie. You did tell Jonathan in third hour that you were going to sit with them at lunch but you hadn’t seen Eddie since this morning. So, you took your lunch box and walked out to the clearing with the picnic table and he was sitting there, smiling at you.

You’d never forget that smile, nor get sick of it.

“Hey there, handsome,” you say softly as you walk closer.

“Hey, sweets,” his big brown eyes looked at you like you hand painted all the stars in the universe.

“I packed your favorite,” you sat down and opened your lunchbox handing him a bologna sandwich with pickles, mustard and pepper Jack cheese. He thanks you and waits for you to get all of your lunch out before eating, he always waited for you to start eating before he did.

“Chrissy’s memorial is tonight,” you tell him.

“Yeah I heard. I don’t know if I should go. Even though my name is cleared I feel awful,”

“It’s okay, baby. It’s something small so don’t feel pressured, okay?” You reached over to squeeze his hands to comfort him, this entire situation has been traumatizing for everyone but especially Eddie.

“Robin also invited us down to Lover’s Lake if you wanna come but I know you probably have some deals to make, it’s a Friday night,”

“Yeah me and Rick have a party to deal to so it might take a while,”

“Don’t worry if you can’t make it. I don’t think I’m gonna stay long anyway,”

“Yeah I’ll probably get up with Steve and tell him I can’t make it,”

A comfortable silence fell between you two as the both of you ate. You were the first to finish, you hadn’t eaten breakfast this morning because you overslept. Eddie’s arms are just too comfortable, so it’s safe to say you were hungry.

“I love you,” you let him know. Adoring his smile lines, his frizzy hair, his hands, everything about him. You wear your favorite ring of his 24/7. It was the skull one, you always played with his hands and that’s the ring you gravitated to.

“I love you more,” he stared at you with this longing, like he missed you and never wanted to let go.

The two of you sat and talked for the remainder of lunch. Cracking jokes and talking about movies and conspiracy theories. It was always fun like this, until the bell rang.

“Ugh, booooo,” you huff packing up your belongings and trash from lunch.

“It’s okay, we’re done with classes soon so it’s okay,”

“Yeah yeah” you pout. He kisses your poked out lip, pushing it back to its normal position and smiles against your lip.

“You’re just too cute. I’ll see you at the memorial okay?”

“You’re coming?!” You smile brightly. You know Chrissy would want him there.

“Of course. For you and for her,”

———

The memorial was emotional as expected. No one batted an eye that Eddie was there and that was a relief to both of you. You had talked to Chrissy’s mom, even though she wasn’t the best mother, that was still her daughter that is no longer here. Your cheer team performed a routine in Chrissy’s honor and the basketball team was there too. It was a short gathering, you were glad you two went.

You miss Chrissy more than words can describe. You can’t take anymore loss.

“All right, sweets. I gotta go meet Rick okay?,” he helps you get in your car and gives you a soft kiss before whispering “I’ll see ya later. I’ll even bring you a surprise,”

“Well now I can’t wait,” you laughed. You sat and made sure he got in his car okay and then you both went your different ways, honking at each other and waving as you two went opposite directions.

You went home and had dinner with your family. You were quiet, still emotional after the memorial.

“You okay, Y/N? You’ve been very quiet lately,”

“Yeah dad, just… I lost my best friend a month ago today. Still fresh,” you mutter.

Lucas and Erica make eye contact that you don’t notice. Talking without using their mouths, they understood there’s more going on that you’re not talking about and they’re trying to be patient with you.

“We’re having a gathering at Lover’s Lake. I can take the kids to hang with their friends. We’ll be home by 9,”

“9?!” Lucas exasperates

“It’s a Friday, Y/N!,” Erica rolls her eyes.

“Well I’ll be leaving at 8:45. I don’t want to stay out all night,”

“Yeah cause all you’ll do is sulk in your room about-,”

“Lucas!” Your mom reacts, wide eyes and glaring at your brother.

“It’s fine,” you tell her shaking your head. You’re not even hungry anymore, “Be ready by 6:15 if you guys are going,”

———

You couldn’t really enjoy the night without Eddie there. You were hoping he was safe and not getting in any fights or robbed since he’s making deals tonight. You just want him by your side so you know he’s safe.

“Earth to Y/N!” Steve shouts. You’ve been doing that a lot lately and they never mention it, but best believe they notice it. Before all of this went down, you didn’t zone out like that. They know zoning out here and there is normal, but it’s a constant state of mind for you when you’re around them.

“Yeah?” You snap out of it and look to see him across from you. Once you’re brought back to focus, you can feel the heat of the fire on your face, you can hear the wind rustling the leaves, you can hear the water rippling, you can feel them staring at you with concern.

“Have you decided what you’re going to do after we graduate?,”

“Going to California,” you deadpan. There was no doubt in your mind about it.

“California?,” Robin screeches, “When the hell were you going to tell us?”

“I just decided it,” you shrugged, “Eddie always talks about going there and making it big. So I’m going to try and make it big,”

All of their eyes soften at your words and you don’t know why.

“You can make it big here,” Mike adds.

“I’d crash and burn if I stayed here,” you answer. Sulking once again. Thinking about all of those who were unfortunate, unsuspecting victims to the dark secrets of Hawkins. You don’t want to stay here anymore. You need to move out and move on. It’s time.

“But family is here,” Erica said. Sure she was a little brat but she’d miss you if you left, because she knows if you did… you’d never come back.

“Pain.. is here,” you looked to her and take a sip of your drink, getting up and walking to the edge of the lake, staring out at the moonlit water. Your mind flashed to that night. You, Eddie, Nancy, Steve and Robin diving in through the gate, you all fought tooth and nail to get out, fighting against the creatures that lived there, even through the final battle.

A shiver runs down your back at that thought. You all made it out but at what cost? Now you barely sleep, barely eat, barely talk. All of this left a stain on your soul and it won’t come off, it’ll be there forever.

That ache will never leave.

———

For the next few days you avoid the others. You haven’t been wanting to hangout, you’ve been staying at home, locking yourself away from your siblings in your room, making the plans for California with Eddie.

It’s been a week since you’ve talked to any of them. Avoiding them in the halls, at lunch, after school- you haven’t even muttered a word to Lucas or Erica, they were more worried now than ever.

Nancy and Robin always tried to invite you out to the movie or out for milkshakes but you always declined. Dustin always tried to come to you about science things and what not but you’d just tell him you’d catch him later. Max would try to tell you she was there and she understands the pain of losing someone and to not shut yourself away.

You’re not shutting yourself away though, you’re just focusing on yourself and your relationship. Mike and Will always tried to get you to join them at Hellfire Club but you denied them that satisfaction, leaving that to be Eddie’s thing, you never did understand D&D much so you gave up a while ago. El would come to you about girly things but you wouldn’t engage much. Steve and Jonathan always invited you to smoke but you didn’t have time for that- you had plans to make.

So it’s been a week of torture for them. You ignoring them and when they are finally face to face with you it’s like you don’t see them. They even invited you to Max’s tonight for a horror movie marathon but you declined, you’ve had enough jumpscares to last a lifetime.

So instead, said you couldn’t make it and planned a movie night with Eddie at his trailer. Wayne would be at work and you have a spare key, Wayne telling you you’re welcome over at any time. You brought snacks and drinks and his favorite pizza, BBQ chicken.

What you don’t know is that Steve sees your car pull up at Eddie’s trailer.

“What’s Y/N doing?” He asks aloud.

“She’s not here what are you talking about?” Lucas questions.

“Yeah because she’s over at Eddie’s,” the other come join him in the kitchen to watch you through the window struggling with all the items in your hand. They can hear you talking, but… no one is home? They know what Wayne’s truck looks like and he left an hour ago.

“I got your favorites! and I got that new comedy movie you were talking about,”

They don’t know who you were talking to and majority of them got a sinking feeling in their stomach.

On the other side of Eddie’s trailer though, he had his arms wrapped around your waist, smothering you in kisses and muttering I love yous and I miss yous.

“Hahaha okay okay! I’m excited to see you too, handsome,” you kiss him deeply and pull away, just smiling. You were so glad you had someone like him in your life.

You get everything set up and you and Eddie are talking about your day when you hear a knock on the door.

“You expecting anyone?” You ask him as you walk to the door

“Only you, that’s it,”

You open the door and see the others staring at you with questioning eyes and skeptical looks. Looks of pity and looks of concern.

“Hey what are you guys doing here?,” you smile brightly and move aside to let them in.

“We were going to ask you the same thing,” Dustin says.

“Well,” you look around you, smiling at everything put together, “We’re about to have a movie night!”

“We?” Robin looks between all of you, “our movie night is at Max’s,”

“Not us, silly. Me and Eddie,” you say and that’s when the room gets eerily quiet.

“Y/N,” Steve mutters your name as if it’s a warning.

“What?,” you ask, eyes wide as you lick the barbecue sauce off your finger.

You really aren’t acknowledging it.

“You’re serious?” He gives an airy chuckle, this isn’t funny he just doesn’t understand.

“Yes! Eddie wanted to see this movie so we’re watching. Right babe?” You turn to him and he nods, “See?”

“Y/N… Eddie is gone,” Max steps forward but you move around them all to finish setting up. You got the drink and your cups, setting them on the table.

They notice the two plates, two cups, two drinks.

“Why are you talking about him as if he’s not standing right here?!” You snap, “He saved your lives have some respect,”

You never raise your voice at any of them but their attitudes are pissing you off.

“Because he’s not,” Lucas says, “Y/N, you need to snap out of it and realize this is an unhealthy coping mechanism. Eddie died a month ago,”

“Shut up!,” you scoff, you weren’t believing their words not when Eddie was standing right beside you.

“He mattered time too,” Dustin stepped in, getting real close, “What you’re experiencing is called bereavement hallucinations,”

“What are you trying to say? That I’m crazy?!” You’re angry now. How dare they come in here, making space for themselves and hurl these words at you?!

All of them realize your anger is just masking you being in denial.

“No, what I’m saying is you’re grieving and you’re trying to keep yourself together and this is how you’re doing it… but it’s not helping. It’s going to hurt you more in the long run,”

“He’s standing right..,” you look and he’s not there, “Eddie?”

Your voice cracks and you look around to look for him but he’s not there. You run to his bedroom calling his name, “Eddie, where did you go?” You call out, sadness bleeding into your tone.

“He’s here. H-he’s still here. This isn’t funny!,” you shout as you enter the living room again.

“This isn’t some joke,” Lucas says softly. He can see you cracking around the edges. Reality was seeping into the cracks and dripping down into your perception. You were starting to see the truth. “You’re my big sister, Y/N. I can’t stand seeing you like this,”

You close your eyes and use emotional tape to heal those cracks. Then you hear his voice again.

“I’m right here, baby,” he whispers and you calm down again, wiping your tears.

“Can you tell them to leave? They’re ruining our movie night,” you plead, looking over your shoulder.

But there’s no one there. Not for them to see. They were watching you talk to a wall and they didn’t know how to handle it. Their dearest friend was falling apart at the seams and they can’t do anything to make it instantly better.

“Y/N seriously,” Erica softly begs, “you’re scaring me… a-and I’ve seen some freaky shit,”

“Get out!!,” you scream, “Eddie tell them to leave!”

“Y/N… maybe you should listen to them,” Eddie says softly. He’d been wanting to say this. This part of your conscience, has been wanting to say this.

You snap your head to him and your demeanor softens

“N-no! No they’re ruining everything!,”

“Eddie is gone,” Dustin says.

“No,”

“He died in the upside down. You were there. You held him in your arms,” Robin adds. She knows how all of this went. She found you with his lifeless body, you weren’t even crying, you were just talking to him. Holding him.

“No! You’re lying! He made it out, he’s been here the whole time”

“Eddie died shortly after Chrissy did,” Max says sadly, “You stayed there with his body for two days. We thought you were gone too,”

“Why are you guys lying? Why are you doing this to me?”

“Because you’re hurting yourself with these illusions,” Robin comes forwards. There’s so many of them here. Too many and all you want is Eddie.

“No,” you wrap your arms around yourself, the smell of his hoodie engulfing you, “W-we were just talking the other day about moving to California, starting a family a-and… and,”

You turn to Eddie and he’s there but… not fully. It looks like he’s disappearing and you start to dry heave.

“You were there for his funeral. You wouldn’t leave his tombstone,” Nancy speaks up.

They’re all trying to snap you out of it. It may seem harsh but you’re hurting more when you’re doing this to yourself.

“He was just playing guitar for me!” You sob. Hands flying over your ears to shut them up.

“He died saving us all, he died for you,” Mike interjects.

“He wouldn’t leave me,” you shake your head, glaring at Mike, you turn to Eddie and shake your head even harder, “You wouldn’t leave me,”

“It’s okay,” Eddie nods and it makes your chest hurt. You can barely keep yourself up, stumbling backwards.

“He didn’t leave to hurt you, Y/N. He’s a hero. He saved us and I know it hurts but you’re going to be okay,” Steve comes forward and grabs your wrists, but you fall and slip through his grasp, clenching at your chest.

“No! No! Shut up, shut up, SHUT THE FUCK UP!!” Voice hoarse, eyes burning with tears.

Eddie comes over and kneels down to be to your level, lifting your chin up and giving you the softest kiss ever. It was a goodbye kiss.

“It’s time,” he says.

The scream that you let out is one that shakes the trailer. He disappears before your eyes and you’re so lightheaded you feel as though you could pass out.

“Eddiiiiiee!!!,” calling for him wouldn’t work. He wouldn’t answer. You’re hyperventilating and you’re crying out his name.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. It’s going to be okay!,” Lucas rushes to you and engulfs you in a hug but it doesn’t help, it’s not Eddie’s touch.

“No please! Pl-please. This.. this is some sick joke!” You push him off. He doesn’t take offense though. Your fairytale world is crashing around you and the debris is suffocating you.

“He’s still h-here. He’s st-still here,”

“No, Y/N… he’s gone,” Dustin cries. Dustin is crying because he knows the pain of losing Eddie. The others are crying because they’re seeing their sister and loved one have a completely emotional breakdown and it’s hurting them to not be able to fix it.

“You’re l-lying,” you spit. You’re violently shaking, choking on your own saliva as you cry. Your body is aching as you’re finally allowing grief to consume your body.

“Y/N.” El comes forward to console you even if it wouldn’t 100% help.

“W-we we’re just talking about California… w-were sup-supposed to be Eddie and Y/N Munson…”

You held on tight to your brother as he rocked you, Erica holding your hand.

He’s gone… he’s never coming back.

And it’s time to move forward.

———

You finished packing the last of Eddie’s things that you wanted to bring with you. The last few months have been hard and it’s been even more difficult to keep your head above water but you did it.

You did it for him.

You were heading to California. You made sure to spend as much time with everyone as possible, making up for lost time. You slammed the trunk to your car shut and put your sunglasses on. You double checked everything , making sure you had all the important things. Your money, your cards.

Your license… the new license that had your new name on it. Y/N Munson.

Even if he wasn’t here, he’s still with you.

You pull out of the trailer park driving past the sign. You take one last look in your rear view mirror and see the apparition of Eddie Munson blowing you a kiss and slowly waving. A deep sob escapes your lips as you move your eyes from the mirror, focusing forward.

This is what he would want.

You have to embrace your pain, that is the only place you can truly heal and find growth.

—————

IM CRYIIING I CRIED WRITING THIS OMFG 😭 I probably won’t be doing a tag list for this so please reblog, comment and like!!!

I love you all and will be coming back full force very soon 🤍

tags: @blackreaders-assemble @mbaku-babygirl @babybubastis @honeyjasminetea @warmchick @valentinevirgo @persephones24 @dumbchick @micki-smiles @here-for-your-bullshit @dayasvalkyrie @xye-weirdo @disaster-rose @dumbchickwrites @pastelastronomy24 @baphomet-wears-gucci @buckybarnesplumwhore @valkryienymph @mariahthelioness29 @taylortheeshowpony @alyssaj23 @endlesslymedusa @areubeingserved @9daykrisr @missdforever @bitchacho25 @ijustrepost @suchababie @queenoftheworldisdead @beautiful-loserr @the2daily4scoop @jin0 @smoothy-ve @oh-nohoney @sambucky8 @princess-toshii @sebbyslut @titty-teetee @ilovefanfic86 @topshopwhxre @berrybimbo

#eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson angst #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x black!reader #sinclair!reader #stranger things angst #stranger things fanfiction

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