the fear of starting over
summary: sometimes staying in a toxic situation sounds safer than starting over.
word count: 6.2k
pairings: OOC!bucky x black!reader, OOC!bucky x natasha, tony x black!reader
warnings: THIS GETS SERIOUS SO PLEASE BEWARE- infidelity, manipulative behavior, emotional and physical abuse, relational PTSD
a/n: statistics show that people in abusive relationships try to leave at least SEVEN times before they actually leave.
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the fear of starting over (ii)
summary: bucky was making your life a living hell.
word count: 3.8k
pairings: OOC!bucky x black!reader; OOC!bucky x natasha, tony x black!reader, OOC!steve x black!reader
warnings: angst messy custody battle, manipulation, emotional and physical abuse, brief sedation
be sure you actually want to read this before continuing!!!
âââââââ
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the fear of starting over pt. iii
summary: sometimes you have to fight like hell to make sure youâre still alive.
word count: 6.8k
pairings: tony x black!reader ; OOC!dark!bucky x black!reader
warnings: kidnapping, abuse, weapons, swearing, mentions of marital rape, mentions of being impregnated from rape so please beware and make sure youâre 18+ and in the right mindset to read this!!!!
___________
âââ-
âââ-
âLove and abuse cannot coexist. Abuse and neglect are by definition, the opposite of nurturance and care⊠Too many of us need to cling to a notion of love that either makes abuse acceptable or at least makes it seem that whatever happened wasnât as bad⊠To begin by always thinking love as an action rather than a feeling is one way in which anyone using the word in this manner automatically assumes accountability and responsibilityâ
   -Bell Hooks in All about Love
âââ
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White Dodge Challenger
summary: a letter for Eddie that heâll never receive. Itâs time to cut the cord.
pairing: modern!eddie munson x black!reader
warnings: references to smut, unrequited love. this is a short one.
word count: 1.6k
I give no one permission to translate, copy or repost my work.
Dear Eddie,Â
Iâm not the same girl I was a few years ago. Iâm not that person that begged for your attention, though I crave it now, I wonât give you the pleasure of seeing me need you.
Iâve put on a few pounds, so, I had to let you know Iâm not that slim girl from five years ago, just in case that turned you off. Iâm not the girl that waited for you on my front door step, so you could finally take me back to your house, instead of an empty parking lot of the apartment complex you used to live in. While I liked being in your bed for the first time, I missed your White Dodge Challenger. While I enjoyed being a sweaty mess under you with Ridiculousness on the tv playing in the back, I missed the cloth upholstery of the back seat with your playlist playing in the background of your White Dodge Challenger.
Thought I had moved on until you came back in my life.
It started playful and I got those butterflies, those butterflies like I used to five years ago. I didnât want to give in but I had to, because you gave me wings, but what you didnât tell me was that they were wax and you melted them in the same breath. I was Icarus and you were the Sun. But I had to be near you and that cost me.
I fell. You watched. But you never caught me.
I was lonely when I ended up meeting you at a hotel, you messaged me saying you were there, and that you had the challenger so it would be easier for me to find you. I circled the building and when I saw it, I got those butterflies again.
You told me to come over into your car and we talked like years hadnât gone by. But you had matured, you had a beard but those eyes and that smile never changed. You finished rolling up and we searched and searched for a lighter until I mentioned I had one in my car. It was my favorite lighter. It was black and held in a decoden Kawaii case but you didnât judge, you found it cute.ï»ż
While smoking, you drove us to the dollar store right across the street, mentioning we needed water. I sat in your car while you went inside, relishing the fact I was back in that White Dodge Challenger. My stomach wouldnât calm down, I was back in your presence, my inner-teen couldnât express the joy that you wanted me again, even if it was only sexual. I should be sleeping, I have work at 5:30 am⊠but itâs 1:15 am and I canât sleep because I needed to write this.Â
I need this.
We got back to that hotel parking lot and we sat for a few more minutes just talking. I mentioned all of our past endeavors in the backseat of your White, Dodge Challenger and we laughed. We laughed because back then this was the only space we had to let our teenage hormones rage. But now that weâre adults and can walk right into that hotel, all I want is for you to take me in the backseat of your White, Dodge Challenger.
You said it was time to go in. My heart palpitated. But right as I turned away from you to reach for the door handle there was a soft
âWait,â
It was as if time started to move slowly.
I looked back at you to see what was wrong but what I turned to will forever be imprinted into my brain. You placed your hand on my cheek and kissed me like in one of those movies. I wanted to cry. You overwhelmed me with just a kiss. You consumed me like a wildfire to unsuspecting trees. You donât know just how much you mean to me, even if all I got out of our time knowing each other was sex, thatâs enough for me because at least that meant you wanted me, even if it was strictly without clothes, in the dark while I cry for more of you.
My legs were jelly. I couldnât catch my breath.
âYou okay?,â you grin at me and I just breathe deeply and canât help but give you that bashful giggle.
âI just need a minute,â I huffed with the brightest smile Iâd worn in days. The smile you expressed your admiration of every chance you could get.
You help me out of your car and we walk inside. Room 207⊠Iâll never forget. We cracked jokes walking up the steps and the jokes never stopped, even after unlocking the door to room 207.
We had more space but all I wanted was to be in the back seat of your White Dodge Challenger.
Why?
That may be a frequently asked question.
The reason I wanted to be back in your White Dodge Challenger was because I had no choice but to be close to you, limited space meant you wouldnât be too far from me.
But in this big clean room, youâre walking around teasing me and I just want to cry because I need you near me. I want to smell your cologne, I want to feel your Henley under my fingertips as I help you take it off, I want to see every detail of your chest tattoos, I want to hear your breathing as you kiss my temple.
Iâm sitting on the edge of the bed and youâre stalking toward me, youâre standing between my legs, your tall frame towering over me.
âEddie, please,â I whimper.
You answer my plea and your lips are attached to mine. Youâre grabbing at me as if Iâll run away.
I wonât ever run away from you.
I fell for you all over again in many ways that night. I didnât want to fall for you unless it was on the floor and while I was on my knees in front of you while you sat on the couch, eyes half lidded staring at me, I fell for you again. You gave me the worst case of butterflies. My hands shook when you looked at me, like when we were teens, but Iâm grown now and those feelings have swollen into something bigger. Like a zit filling with pus but hasnât come to a head. The pain is there and itâll be a while before it goes away. My feelings for you were invasive to the follicle that was my life, it was unhealthy and grew into a painful, annoying zit that just wouldnât go away.
It kept coming back.
I wanted you to hurt me that night, hurt me so I could forget all that I was going through and could feel owned, could feel wanted and desired.
I was never hurt though, not the way I wanted to be. I was hurt emotionally and I donât know why I was surprised, itâs a never ending cycle with you.ï»ż
Not a single slap you delivered to my face that night hurts as bad my heart does for having to end that cycle.
That zit is coming to a head.
And I wonât let it come back anymore.
When we were finished I walked out of that room with no aftercare, I donât think you even know what that is. But I thought I would be okay so, I walked to my car, watching you get in yours. Watching you leave in your White, Dodge Challenger.
I left my lighter in your car that night by accident but I was hoping it would at least be my ticket to see you again. We talked for days after that, you feeding me the idea Iâd see you again. But soon the replies stopped coming, and I entered a subdrop and spiraled.
I spiraled and you werenât even aware. Youâre not even aware that I see White, Dodge Challengers all over town and start having panic attacks because while I wish to see you again, I know it wouldnât be good for me.
Four months go by before Iâve had enough and reached out about at least getting my lighter back.
Of course thatâs what you respond to.
You left it in my mailbox that night, unsuspecting of the message you were about to receive.
A long message explaining to you the pain Iâve endured while knowing you for the past 11 years of my life. A long message explaining ways that would portray the fact that I love you without actually saying those three words.
A long message explaining that I could never hate you no matter how much I try, because trust me, Iâve tried.
A long message explaining that Iâve got to cut the cord, because how can I be happy in life when Iâm still emotionally tethered to you?
My stomach still drops when I see a White Dodge Challenger. The naive part of me wishing they were you while the logical part hopes itâs not, so I can heal.
I didnât want our last night together to be in a nice hotel room.
I wanted our last night to be at your old apartment complex in the backseat of your, well, you get it.
But alas, my wants were never met, and thatâs okay, because I think that annoying zit came to a head and itâs ready to be popped.
So I pop it and I block you with the mantra âout of sight and out of mindâ playing like a broken record in the back of my mind, everyday.
So now, itâs time to heal the pain the swelling brought on. Itâs time to tend to that tender spot and remove any further debris so the wound can close like it was never there.
Iâll heal and Iâll be okay.
And Iâll get to the point in life where I donât panic every time I see a White, Dodge Challenger.
--------------
tags: @blackreaders-assemble @mbaku-babygirl @babybubastis @honeyjasminetea @warmchick @valentinevirgo @persephones24 @dumbchick @micki-smiles @here-for-your-bullshit @disaster-rose @dumbchickwrites @pastelastronomy24 @baphomet-wears-gucci @buckybarnesplumwhore @valkryienymph @mariahthelioness29 @alyssaj23 @9daykrisr @missdforever @bitchacho25 @ijustrepost @suchababie @queenoftheworldisdead @beautiful-loserr @the2daily4scoop @jin0 @smoothy-ve @oh-nohoney @princess-toshii @sebbyslut @titty-teetee @ilovefanfic86 @topshopwhxre @berrybimbo @blkmorticia @empty-social-fuel-tank @tcddszn
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ARE YOU EVER GONNA FINISH LUXURY OF LOVING YOU??? IM BEGGINGđ§đŸââïžđ§đŸââïžđ§đŸââïž
YES I PLAN ON FINISHING EVERY SERIES I HAVE!! Iâm sorry I know itâs been a long time, life just gets in the way! I miss writing more frequently trust me! So many pieces are in my drafts I just have to find the time to finish them. Thank you for your support and understanding đ€
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Happy Birthday, Natđ„șđ€
just a minute
summary: a minute turned into never.
word count: 1.9k
pairing: natasha x black!reader
warnings: angst, death, grieving, timeline of events from endgame arenât exactly accurate for the sake of the fic.
a/n: Contrary to popular belief, the five stages of loss do not necessarily occur in any specific order. COMMENTS AND REBLOGS ARE ALWAYS APPRECIATED AND ENCOURAGED!
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You're baaaaaacccccckkkkk!!!!! I'm happy to see your name on my dash again, i hope you're doing good đ
(fka periodtcevans)
OMFG HIII YEEESS! Iâm glad to be back! Got some good things in store!!đ€
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Hey Bexie. Would you do a Drabble for Reid. Iâm feeling angsty and want to be all in my feels.
OU YES SEND ME AN IDEA đč
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Hi yâall! itâs good to be back. i just wanted to let you know that this is no longer strictly a marvel blog, im venturing out and writing for other fandoms that i am a part of, that way i donât allow my love for writing to fizzle out from writing for the same people constantly.
I now also write for:
Eddie Munson (Stranger Things)
Steve Harrington (Stranger Things)
Chase Collins (The Covenant)
Spencer Reid (Criminal Minds)
Kevin Atwater (Chicago PD)
this list will be added to every so often!
iâm not taking full fic requests right now but i am taking requests for drabbles, blurbs and headcanons! So feel free to flood my inbox đ€
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I knoooow Iâm sorry for breaking yâallâs heartsđđ„șđ€
Itâs Time
summary: itâs hard to accept the truth
pairings : eddie x Sinclair!reader
warnings: angst, grief, in denial about death, breaking down
a/n: I donât know if anyone did this concept for Eddie already but if they did Iâm not trying to copy anyone!đ€
ââââ
âHey, Y/N are you coming to Steveâs tonight?,â Dustin asked. Everyone has been tiptoeing around you since you all defeated Vecna and youâre not sure why. Sure some lives were lost but you still have Eddie and your little siblings and thatâs what matters most.
âUuuh I donât think so, I have some studying to do,â you give the freshman a smile, even with you smiling, Dustin looked at you like he had something to say, âIâll catch you all at lunch though, okay?â
âYeah!â He gave a weak smile and turned to walk over to his friends, seeing your younger brother.
âHow is she able to smile?,â
âI donât know, but Iâll take it as long as sheâs okay. She doesnât talk about that night,â Lucas shrugged, âLiterally the next day she woke up happy as ever asking Erica if they wanted to go on a shopping date,â
âWe all wear grief differently,â Max added in, âI drowned myself in music and isolation. At least sheâs trying to move forward and remain normal,â
Dustin frowned, knowing the pain youâre avoiding. He knows itâs going to build up and he doesnât want that for you. Dustin hasnât been able to sleep well since that night and everyone has just been able to move forward. He knows issues with the upside down have been a reoccurring issue, but something about this time around just stuck with him and no one else understands because theyâre in such a rush to move on and live normal lives.
âAvoiding grief isnât normal,â
âââ
âBaby why donât we go spend time with your friends?,â Eddie questioned. Mindlessly strumming his guitar, admiring the little frown you have on your face from focusing, âyouâve been studying super hard with no free time,â
âThe only free time I need is with you,â looking up at him and smiling, âI almost lost you that night,â
âYou almost lost all of us,â Eddie corrected.
âYeah but youâre the one I plan on spending the rest of my life with so that night solidified it that I need to be with you more, especially after your name was cleared,â
âThank God,â he huffed, setting his guitar back on the wall to come over to you, towering over you to give you a kiss on your cheek, âorange isnât my color and I donât think Iâd be able to survive not being with you all the time,â
âItâs okay, Iâd break you out,â you giggle and just stare at him. He looks much more tired than usual, everyone does but Eddie has been through a lot. Being blamed for murder, being in the run being attacked in the Upside Down and having to heal from that.
âCmon, letâs stop studying for tonight and go be with your friends,â he helped you stand up but you wrapped your arms around him bringing him down for a kiss.
âHow about we just stay in and talk about our plans to leave this hellhole,â
Eddie just smiled at you and you both got ready for bed, once you are, youâre wrapped in his arms and feel so safe.
âIâm thinking we should just go to California like you said before,â you started, right before all this Vecna bullshit you Eddie was actually starting to get the attention of record label executives and had many offers, he just couldnât figure out which deal to go for, then shit hit the fan.
But everything is fine now.
âWhy the change of heart?â
âI think weâll just thrive better there. You have your music, Iâll graduate with my cosmetology license so I donât have to go to college. We could be big out there, Eddie!â You signed dreamily.
âEddie and Y/N Munson. We could be big names in a big city,â you added. Eddie squeezed you tighter as you dreamed about your near future together.
âCalifornia it is. You sure youâre going to be able to leave this place behind? Your home?â
âHome is wherever you are, Eddieâ
âââ
Eddie had some deals to make and told you heâd meet you at school. When you pull up, Lucas wastes no time jumping out of the car to be with his friends and Erica jumped out walking over to her friends over at the middle school. Nancy pulled up beside you to drop Mike off and waved happily when she saw you. She hasnât seen you in a few days because you lock yourself away studying and spending time with Eddie.
You quickly get out of your car and get to her. She gets out and gives you a big hug, âIâve missed you!â She squeals.
âI miss you too! Sorry Iâve been busy studying for my cosmetology license so itâs been time consuming,â
She smiles and nods, happy that youâre at least keeping up with your grades in the midst of grief.
âTheyâre going to do a moment of silence for Chrissy today,â you let her know. She knows Chrissy was your best friend and she knows what itâs like to lose a best friend, so she empathizes, âItâs been a month since sheâs passedâ
âIâm glad theyâre doing that for her, Iâve seen the vigils for all those who were lost during that time. You let me know if you need anything okay? Any of us, weâre here,â
âI know, Nance and I love you guys for it. Iâll meet up with you guys after school,â
âSounds good, Iâll see you later,â
You two say your goodbyes and Nancy goes over to meet with Jonathan as you head into school, waving to your brotherâs friends who you have adopted as little siblings as well. Will and El are back so itâs good to see them finally have a normal life and school year.
You meet up with Robin as you two have lockers right beside each other. She sees you in your cheerleading uniform, white cardigan with a button that has Chrissyâs face on it. She doesnât want to bring it up, she knows youâre hurting.
âHey, how you holding up?,â She asks quietly. While you have been moving through life normally, you still havenât really been chatting much.
âIâm okay!! How are you?â You question, she looks exhausted, you all are. The school year ends in a few months so itâs crunch time.
âClasses are kicking my ass but Iâm hanging in there. We miss you, weâre going to Loverâs Lake after school for a bonfire if youâd like to come,â
You weigh your options, not knowing if you want to stay in with Eddie or go with them. You figured youâd take Eddieâs advice and hang out with your friends, heâd probably just go over Rickâs.
âI know the lake is still a sore spot but we figured we could give it a new history,â she adds.
âY-yeah,â you send a soft smile, âIâll be there after I stop by to see Chrissyâs family. Weâre having a memorial for her,â
âThatâs so sweet,â Robin gives you a hug and takes a deep breath, it seems like she needed this hug more than you did, âBe safe and weâll see you later okay? Weâll be at the lake at 6:30,â
âIâll be there,â
âââ
By the time lunch came you were finally able to see Eddie. You did tell Jonathan in third hour that you were going to sit with them at lunch but you hadnât seen Eddie since this morning. So, you took your lunch box and walked out to the clearing with the picnic table and he was sitting there, smiling at you.
Youâd never forget that smile, nor get sick of it.
âHey there, handsome,â you say softly as you walk closer.
âHey, sweets,â his big brown eyes looked at you like you hand painted all the stars in the universe.
âI packed your favorite,â you sat down and opened your lunchbox handing him a bologna sandwich with pickles, mustard and pepper Jack cheese. He thanks you and waits for you to get all of your lunch out before eating, he always waited for you to start eating before he did.
âChrissyâs memorial is tonight,â you tell him.
âYeah I heard. I donât know if I should go. Even though my name is cleared I feel awful,â
âItâs okay, baby. Itâs something small so donât feel pressured, okay?â You reached over to squeeze his hands to comfort him, this entire situation has been traumatizing for everyone but especially Eddie.
âRobin also invited us down to Loverâs Lake if you wanna come but I know you probably have some deals to make, itâs a Friday night,â
âYeah me and Rick have a party to deal to so it might take a while,â
âDonât worry if you canât make it. I donât think Iâm gonna stay long anyway,â
âYeah Iâll probably get up with Steve and tell him I canât make it,â
A comfortable silence fell between you two as the both of you ate. You were the first to finish, you hadnât eaten breakfast this morning because you overslept. Eddieâs arms are just too comfortable, so itâs safe to say you were hungry.
âI love you,â you let him know. Adoring his smile lines, his frizzy hair, his hands, everything about him. You wear your favorite ring of his 24/7. It was the skull one, you always played with his hands and thatâs the ring you gravitated to.
âI love you more,â he stared at you with this longing, like he missed you and never wanted to let go.
The two of you sat and talked for the remainder of lunch. Cracking jokes and talking about movies and conspiracy theories. It was always fun like this, until the bell rang.
âUgh, booooo,â you huff packing up your belongings and trash from lunch.
âItâs okay, weâre done with classes soon so itâs okay,â
âYeah yeahâ you pout. He kisses your poked out lip, pushing it back to its normal position and smiles against your lip.
âYouâre just too cute. Iâll see you at the memorial okay?â
âYouâre coming?!â You smile brightly. You know Chrissy would want him there.
âOf course. For you and for her,â
âââ
The memorial was emotional as expected. No one batted an eye that Eddie was there and that was a relief to both of you. You had talked to Chrissyâs mom, even though she wasnât the best mother, that was still her daughter that is no longer here. Your cheer team performed a routine in Chrissyâs honor and the basketball team was there too. It was a short gathering, you were glad you two went.
You miss Chrissy more than words can describe. You canât take anymore loss.
âAll right, sweets. I gotta go meet Rick okay?,â he helps you get in your car and gives you a soft kiss before whispering âIâll see ya later. Iâll even bring you a surprise,â
âWell now I canât wait,â you laughed. You sat and made sure he got in his car okay and then you both went your different ways, honking at each other and waving as you two went opposite directions.
You went home and had dinner with your family. You were quiet, still emotional after the memorial.
âYou okay, Y/N? Youâve been very quiet lately,â
âYeah dad, just⊠I lost my best friend a month ago today. Still fresh,â you mutter.
Lucas and Erica make eye contact that you donât notice. Talking without using their mouths, they understood thereâs more going on that youâre not talking about and theyâre trying to be patient with you.
âWeâre having a gathering at Loverâs Lake. I can take the kids to hang with their friends. Weâll be home by 9,â
â9?!â Lucas exasperates
âItâs a Friday, Y/N!,â Erica rolls her eyes.
âWell Iâll be leaving at 8:45. I donât want to stay out all night,â
âYeah cause all youâll do is sulk in your room about-,â
âLucas!â Your mom reacts, wide eyes and glaring at your brother.
âItâs fine,â you tell her shaking your head. Youâre not even hungry anymore, âBe ready by 6:15 if you guys are going,â
âââ
You couldnât really enjoy the night without Eddie there. You were hoping he was safe and not getting in any fights or robbed since heâs making deals tonight. You just want him by your side so you know heâs safe.
âEarth to Y/N!â Steve shouts. Youâve been doing that a lot lately and they never mention it, but best believe they notice it. Before all of this went down, you didnât zone out like that. They know zoning out here and there is normal, but itâs a constant state of mind for you when youâre around them.
âYeah?â You snap out of it and look to see him across from you. Once youâre brought back to focus, you can feel the heat of the fire on your face, you can hear the wind rustling the leaves, you can hear the water rippling, you can feel them staring at you with concern.
âHave you decided what youâre going to do after we graduate?,â
âGoing to California,â you deadpan. There was no doubt in your mind about it.
âCalifornia?,â Robin screeches, âWhen the hell were you going to tell us?â
âI just decided it,â you shrugged, âEddie always talks about going there and making it big. So Iâm going to try and make it big,â
All of their eyes soften at your words and you donât know why.
âYou can make it big here,â Mike adds.
âIâd crash and burn if I stayed here,â you answer. Sulking once again. Thinking about all of those who were unfortunate, unsuspecting victims to the dark secrets of Hawkins. You donât want to stay here anymore. You need to move out and move on. Itâs time.
âBut family is here,â Erica said. Sure she was a little brat but sheâd miss you if you left, because she knows if you did⊠youâd never come back.
âPain.. is here,â you looked to her and take a sip of your drink, getting up and walking to the edge of the lake, staring out at the moonlit water. Your mind flashed to that night. You, Eddie, Nancy, Steve and Robin diving in through the gate, you all fought tooth and nail to get out, fighting against the creatures that lived there, even through the final battle.
A shiver runs down your back at that thought. You all made it out but at what cost? Now you barely sleep, barely eat, barely talk. All of this left a stain on your soul and it wonât come off, itâll be there forever.
That ache will never leave.
âââ
For the next few days you avoid the others. You havenât been wanting to hangout, youâve been staying at home, locking yourself away from your siblings in your room, making the plans for California with Eddie.
Itâs been a week since youâve talked to any of them. Avoiding them in the halls, at lunch, after school- you havenât even muttered a word to Lucas or Erica, they were more worried now than ever.
Nancy and Robin always tried to invite you out to the movie or out for milkshakes but you always declined. Dustin always tried to come to you about science things and what not but youâd just tell him youâd catch him later. Max would try to tell you she was there and she understands the pain of losing someone and to not shut yourself away.
Youâre not shutting yourself away though, youâre just focusing on yourself and your relationship. Mike and Will always tried to get you to join them at Hellfire Club but you denied them that satisfaction, leaving that to be Eddieâs thing, you never did understand D&D much so you gave up a while ago. El would come to you about girly things but you wouldnât engage much. Steve and Jonathan always invited you to smoke but you didnât have time for that- you had plans to make.
So itâs been a week of torture for them. You ignoring them and when they are finally face to face with you itâs like you donât see them. They even invited you to Maxâs tonight for a horror movie marathon but you declined, youâve had enough jumpscares to last a lifetime.
So instead, said you couldnât make it and planned a movie night with Eddie at his trailer. Wayne would be at work and you have a spare key, Wayne telling you youâre welcome over at any time. You brought snacks and drinks and his favorite pizza, BBQ chicken.
What you donât know is that Steve sees your car pull up at Eddieâs trailer.
âWhatâs Y/N doing?â He asks aloud.
âSheâs not here what are you talking about?â Lucas questions.
âYeah because sheâs over at Eddieâs,â the other come join him in the kitchen to watch you through the window struggling with all the items in your hand. They can hear you talking, but⊠no one is home? They know what Wayneâs truck looks like and he left an hour ago.
âI got your favorites! and I got that new comedy movie you were talking about,â
They donât know who you were talking to and majority of them got a sinking feeling in their stomach.
On the other side of Eddieâs trailer though, he had his arms wrapped around your waist, smothering you in kisses and muttering I love yous and I miss yous.
âHahaha okay okay! Iâm excited to see you too, handsome,â you kiss him deeply and pull away, just smiling. You were so glad you had someone like him in your life.
You get everything set up and you and Eddie are talking about your day when you hear a knock on the door.
âYou expecting anyone?â You ask him as you walk to the door
âOnly you, thatâs it,â
You open the door and see the others staring at you with questioning eyes and skeptical looks. Looks of pity and looks of concern.
âHey what are you guys doing here?,â you smile brightly and move aside to let them in.
âWe were going to ask you the same thing,â Dustin says.
âWell,â you look around you, smiling at everything put together, âWeâre about to have a movie night!â
âWe?â Robin looks between all of you, âour movie night is at Maxâs,â
âNot us, silly. Me and Eddie,â you say and thatâs when the room gets eerily quiet.
âY/N,â Steve mutters your name as if itâs a warning.
âWhat?,â you ask, eyes wide as you lick the barbecue sauce off your finger.
You really arenât acknowledging it.
âYouâre serious?â He gives an airy chuckle, this isnât funny he just doesnât understand.
âYes! Eddie wanted to see this movie so weâre watching. Right babe?â You turn to him and he nods, âSee?â
âY/N⊠Eddie is gone,â Max steps forward but you move around them all to finish setting up. You got the drink and your cups, setting them on the table.
They notice the two plates, two cups, two drinks.
âWhy are you talking about him as if heâs not standing right here?!â You snap, âHe saved your lives have some respect,â
You never raise your voice at any of them but their attitudes are pissing you off.
âBecause heâs not,â Lucas says, âY/N, you need to snap out of it and realize this is an unhealthy coping mechanism. Eddie died a month ago,â
âShut up!,â you scoff, you werenât believing their words not when Eddie was standing right beside you.
âHe mattered time too,â Dustin stepped in, getting real close, âWhat youâre experiencing is called bereavement hallucinations,â
âWhat are you trying to say? That Iâm crazy?!â Youâre angry now. How dare they come in here, making space for themselves and hurl these words at you?!
All of them realize your anger is just masking you being in denial.
âNo, what Iâm saying is youâre grieving and youâre trying to keep yourself together and this is how youâre doing it⊠but itâs not helping. Itâs going to hurt you more in the long run,â
âHeâs standing right..,â you look and heâs not there, âEddie?â
Your voice cracks and you look around to look for him but heâs not there. You run to his bedroom calling his name, âEddie, where did you go?â You call out, sadness bleeding into your tone.
âHeâs here. H-heâs still here. This isnât funny!,â you shout as you enter the living room again.
âThis isnât some joke,â Lucas says softly. He can see you cracking around the edges. Reality was seeping into the cracks and dripping down into your perception. You were starting to see the truth. âYouâre my big sister, Y/N. I canât stand seeing you like this,â
You close your eyes and use emotional tape to heal those cracks. Then you hear his voice again.
âIâm right here, baby,â he whispers and you calm down again, wiping your tears.
âCan you tell them to leave? Theyâre ruining our movie night,â you plead, looking over your shoulder.
But thereâs no one there. Not for them to see. They were watching you talk to a wall and they didnât know how to handle it. Their dearest friend was falling apart at the seams and they canât do anything to make it instantly better.
âY/N seriously,â Erica softly begs, âyouâre scaring me⊠a-and Iâve seen some freaky shit,â
âGet out!!,â you scream, âEddie tell them to leave!â
âY/N⊠maybe you should listen to them,â Eddie says softly. Heâd been wanting to say this. This part of your conscience, has been wanting to say this.
You snap your head to him and your demeanor softens
âN-no! No theyâre ruining everything!,â
âEddie is gone,â Dustin says.
âNo,â
âHe died in the upside down. You were there. You held him in your arms,â Robin adds. She knows how all of this went. She found you with his lifeless body, you werenât even crying, you were just talking to him. Holding him.
âNo! Youâre lying! He made it out, heâs been here the whole timeâ
âEddie died shortly after Chrissy did,â Max says sadly, âYou stayed there with his body for two days. We thought you were gone too,â
âWhy are you guys lying? Why are you doing this to me?â
âBecause youâre hurting yourself with these illusions,â Robin comes forwards. Thereâs so many of them here. Too many and all you want is Eddie.
âNo,â you wrap your arms around yourself, the smell of his hoodie engulfing you, âW-we were just talking the other day about moving to California, starting a family a-and⊠and,â
You turn to Eddie and heâs there but⊠not fully. It looks like heâs disappearing and you start to dry heave.
âYou were there for his funeral. You wouldnât leave his tombstone,â Nancy speaks up.
Theyâre all trying to snap you out of it. It may seem harsh but youâre hurting more when youâre doing this to yourself.
âHe was just playing guitar for me!â You sob. Hands flying over your ears to shut them up.
âHe died saving us all, he died for you,â Mike interjects.
âHe wouldnât leave me,â you shake your head, glaring at Mike, you turn to Eddie and shake your head even harder, âYou wouldnât leave me,â
âItâs okay,â Eddie nods and it makes your chest hurt. You can barely keep yourself up, stumbling backwards.
âHe didnât leave to hurt you, Y/N. Heâs a hero. He saved us and I know it hurts but youâre going to be okay,â Steve comes forward and grabs your wrists, but you fall and slip through his grasp, clenching at your chest.
âNo! No! Shut up, shut up, SHUT THE FUCK UP!!â Voice hoarse, eyes burning with tears.
Eddie comes over and kneels down to be to your level, lifting your chin up and giving you the softest kiss ever. It was a goodbye kiss.
âItâs time,â he says.
The scream that you let out is one that shakes the trailer. He disappears before your eyes and youâre so lightheaded you feel as though you could pass out.
âEddiiiiiee!!!,â calling for him wouldnât work. He wouldnât answer. Youâre hyperventilating and youâre crying out his name.
âHey, hey, itâs okay. Itâs going to be okay!,â Lucas rushes to you and engulfs you in a hug but it doesnât help, itâs not Eddieâs touch.
âNo please! Pl-please. This.. this is some sick joke!â You push him off. He doesnât take offense though. Your fairytale world is crashing around you and the debris is suffocating you.
âHeâs still h-here. Heâs st-still here,â
âNo, Y/N⊠heâs gone,â Dustin cries. Dustin is crying because he knows the pain of losing Eddie. The others are crying because theyâre seeing their sister and loved one have a completely emotional breakdown and itâs hurting them to not be able to fix it.
âYouâre l-lying,â you spit. Youâre violently shaking, choking on your own saliva as you cry. Your body is aching as youâre finally allowing grief to consume your body.
âY/N.â El comes forward to console you even if it wouldnât 100% help.
âW-we weâre just talking about California⊠w-were sup-supposed to be Eddie and Y/N MunsonâŠâ
You held on tight to your brother as he rocked you, Erica holding your hand.
Heâs gone⊠heâs never coming back.
And itâs time to move forward.
âââ
You finished packing the last of Eddieâs things that you wanted to bring with you. The last few months have been hard and itâs been even more difficult to keep your head above water but you did it.
You did it for him.
You were heading to California. You made sure to spend as much time with everyone as possible, making up for lost time. You slammed the trunk to your car shut and put your sunglasses on. You double checked everything , making sure you had all the important things. Your money, your cards.
Your license⊠the new license that had your new name on it. Y/N Munson.
Even if he wasnât here, heâs still with you.
You pull out of the trailer park driving past the sign. You take one last look in your rear view mirror and see the apparition of Eddie Munson blowing you a kiss and slowly waving. A deep sob escapes your lips as you move your eyes from the mirror, focusing forward.
This is what he would want.
You have to embrace your pain, that is the only place you can truly heal and find growth.
âââââ
IM CRYIIING I CRIED WRITING THIS OMFG đ I probably wonât be doing a tag list for this so please reblog, comment and like!!!
I love you all and will be coming back full force very soon đ€
tags: @blackreaders-assemble @mbaku-babygirl @babybubastis @honeyjasminetea @warmchick @valentinevirgo @persephones24 @dumbchick @micki-smiles @here-for-your-bullshit @dayasvalkyrie @xye-weirdo @disaster-rose @dumbchickwrites @pastelastronomy24 @baphomet-wears-gucci @buckybarnesplumwhore @valkryienymph @mariahthelioness29 @taylortheeshowpony @alyssaj23 @endlesslymedusa @areubeingserved @9daykrisr @missdforever @bitchacho25 @ijustrepost @suchababie @queenoftheworldisdead @beautiful-loserr @the2daily4scoop @jin0 @smoothy-ve @oh-nohoney @sambucky8 @princess-toshii @sebbyslut @titty-teetee @ilovefanfic86 @topshopwhxre @berrybimbo
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Itâs Time
summary: itâs hard to accept the truth
pairings : eddie x Sinclair!reader
warnings: angst, grief, in denial about death, breaking down
a/n: I donât know if anyone did this concept for Eddie already but if they did Iâm not trying to copy anyone!đ€
ââââ
âHey, Y/N are you coming to Steveâs tonight?,â Dustin asked. Everyone has been tiptoeing around you since you all defeated Vecna and youâre not sure why. Sure some lives were lost but you still have Eddie and your little siblings and thatâs what matters most.
âUuuh I donât think so, I have some studying to do,â you give the freshman a smile, even with you smiling, Dustin looked at you like he had something to say, âIâll catch you all at lunch though, okay?â
âYeah!â He gave a weak smile and turned to walk over to his friends, seeing your younger brother.
âHow is she able to smile?,â
âI donât know, but Iâll take it as long as sheâs okay. She doesnât talk about that night,â Lucas shrugged, âLiterally the next day she woke up happy as ever asking Erica if they wanted to go on a shopping date,â
âWe all wear grief differently,â Max added in, âI drowned myself in music and isolation. At least sheâs trying to move forward and remain normal,â
Dustin frowned, knowing the pain youâre avoiding. He knows itâs going to build up and he doesnât want that for you. Dustin hasnât been able to sleep well since that night and everyone has just been able to move forward. He knows issues with the upside down have been a reoccurring issue, but something about this time around just stuck with him and no one else understands because theyâre in such a rush to move on and live normal lives.
âAvoiding grief isnât normal,â
âââ
âBaby why donât we go spend time with your friends?,â Eddie questioned. Mindlessly strumming his guitar, admiring the little frown you have on your face from focusing, âyouâve been studying super hard with no free time,â
âThe only free time I need is with you,â looking up at him and smiling, âI almost lost you that night,â
âYou almost lost all of us,â Eddie corrected.
âYeah but youâre the one I plan on spending the rest of my life with so that night solidified it that I need to be with you more, especially after your name was cleared,â
âThank God,â he huffed, setting his guitar back on the wall to come over to you, towering over you to give you a kiss on your cheek, âorange isnât my color and I donât think Iâd be able to survive not being with you all the time,â
âItâs okay, Iâd break you out,â you giggle and just stare at him. He looks much more tired than usual, everyone does but Eddie has been through a lot. Being blamed for murder, being in the run being attacked in the Upside Down and having to heal from that.
âCmon, letâs stop studying for tonight and go be with your friends,â he helped you stand up but you wrapped your arms around him bringing him down for a kiss.
âHow about we just stay in and talk about our plans to leave this hellhole,â
Eddie just smiled at you and you both got ready for bed, once you are, youâre wrapped in his arms and feel so safe.
âIâm thinking we should just go to California like you said before,â you started, right before all this Vecna bullshit you Eddie was actually starting to get the attention of record label executives and had many offers, he just couldnât figure out which deal to go for, then shit hit the fan.
But everything is fine now.
âWhy the change of heart?â
âI think weâll just thrive better there. You have your music, Iâll graduate with my cosmetology license so I donât have to go to college. We could be big out there, Eddie!â You signed dreamily.
âEddie and Y/N Munson. We could be big names in a big city,â you added. Eddie squeezed you tighter as you dreamed about your near future together.
âCalifornia it is. You sure youâre going to be able to leave this place behind? Your home?â
âHome is wherever you are, Eddieâ
âââ
Eddie had some deals to make and told you heâd meet you at school. When you pull up, Lucas wastes no time jumping out of the car to be with his friends and Erica jumped out walking over to her friends over at the middle school. Nancy pulled up beside you to drop Mike off and waved happily when she saw you. She hasnât seen you in a few days because you lock yourself away studying and spending time with Eddie.
You quickly get out of your car and get to her. She gets out and gives you a big hug, âIâve missed you!â She squeals.
âI miss you too! Sorry Iâve been busy studying for my cosmetology license so itâs been time consuming,â
She smiles and nods, happy that youâre at least keeping up with your grades in the midst of grief.
âTheyâre going to do a moment of silence for Chrissy today,â you let her know. She knows Chrissy was your best friend and she knows what itâs like to lose a best friend, so she empathizes, âItâs been a month since sheâs passedâ
âIâm glad theyâre doing that for her, Iâve seen the vigils for all those who were lost during that time. You let me know if you need anything okay? Any of us, weâre here,â
âI know, Nance and I love you guys for it. Iâll meet up with you guys after school,â
âSounds good, Iâll see you later,â
You two say your goodbyes and Nancy goes over to meet with Jonathan as you head into school, waving to your brotherâs friends who you have adopted as little siblings as well. Will and El are back so itâs good to see them finally have a normal life and school year.
You meet up with Robin as you two have lockers right beside each other. She sees you in your cheerleading uniform, white cardigan with a button that has Chrissyâs face on it. She doesnât want to bring it up, she knows youâre hurting.
âHey, how you holding up?,â She asks quietly. While you have been moving through life normally, you still havenât really been chatting much.
âIâm okay!! How are you?â You question, she looks exhausted, you all are. The school year ends in a few months so itâs crunch time.
âClasses are kicking my ass but Iâm hanging in there. We miss you, weâre going to Loverâs Lake after school for a bonfire if youâd like to come,â
You weigh your options, not knowing if you want to stay in with Eddie or go with them. You figured youâd take Eddieâs advice and hang out with your friends, heâd probably just go over Rickâs.
âI know the lake is still a sore spot but we figured we could give it a new history,â she adds.
âY-yeah,â you send a soft smile, âIâll be there after I stop by to see Chrissyâs family. Weâre having a memorial for her,â
âThatâs so sweet,â Robin gives you a hug and takes a deep breath, it seems like she needed this hug more than you did, âBe safe and weâll see you later okay? Weâll be at the lake at 6:30,â
âIâll be there,â
âââ
By the time lunch came you were finally able to see Eddie. You did tell Jonathan in third hour that you were going to sit with them at lunch but you hadnât seen Eddie since this morning. So, you took your lunch box and walked out to the clearing with the picnic table and he was sitting there, smiling at you.
Youâd never forget that smile, nor get sick of it.
âHey there, handsome,â you say softly as you walk closer.
âHey, sweets,â his big brown eyes looked at you like you hand painted all the stars in the universe.
âI packed your favorite,â you sat down and opened your lunchbox handing him a bologna sandwich with pickles, mustard and pepper Jack cheese. He thanks you and waits for you to get all of your lunch out before eating, he always waited for you to start eating before he did.
âChrissyâs memorial is tonight,â you tell him.
âYeah I heard. I donât know if I should go. Even though my name is cleared I feel awful,â
âItâs okay, baby. Itâs something small so donât feel pressured, okay?â You reached over to squeeze his hands to comfort him, this entire situation has been traumatizing for everyone but especially Eddie.
âRobin also invited us down to Loverâs Lake if you wanna come but I know you probably have some deals to make, itâs a Friday night,â
âYeah me and Rick have a party to deal to so it might take a while,â
âDonât worry if you canât make it. I donât think Iâm gonna stay long anyway,â
âYeah Iâll probably get up with Steve and tell him I canât make it,â
A comfortable silence fell between you two as the both of you ate. You were the first to finish, you hadnât eaten breakfast this morning because you overslept. Eddieâs arms are just too comfortable, so itâs safe to say you were hungry.
âI love you,â you let him know. Adoring his smile lines, his frizzy hair, his hands, everything about him. You wear your favorite ring of his 24/7. It was the skull one, you always played with his hands and thatâs the ring you gravitated to.
âI love you more,â he stared at you with this longing, like he missed you and never wanted to let go.
The two of you sat and talked for the remainder of lunch. Cracking jokes and talking about movies and conspiracy theories. It was always fun like this, until the bell rang.
âUgh, booooo,â you huff packing up your belongings and trash from lunch.
âItâs okay, weâre done with classes soon so itâs okay,â
âYeah yeahâ you pout. He kisses your poked out lip, pushing it back to its normal position and smiles against your lip.
âYouâre just too cute. Iâll see you at the memorial okay?â
âYouâre coming?!â You smile brightly. You know Chrissy would want him there.
âOf course. For you and for her,â
âââ
The memorial was emotional as expected. No one batted an eye that Eddie was there and that was a relief to both of you. You had talked to Chrissyâs mom, even though she wasnât the best mother, that was still her daughter that is no longer here. Your cheer team performed a routine in Chrissyâs honor and the basketball team was there too. It was a short gathering, you were glad you two went.
You miss Chrissy more than words can describe. You canât take anymore loss.
âAll right, sweets. I gotta go meet Rick okay?,â he helps you get in your car and gives you a soft kiss before whispering âIâll see ya later. Iâll even bring you a surprise,â
âWell now I canât wait,â you laughed. You sat and made sure he got in his car okay and then you both went your different ways, honking at each other and waving as you two went opposite directions.
You went home and had dinner with your family. You were quiet, still emotional after the memorial.
âYou okay, Y/N? Youâve been very quiet lately,â
âYeah dad, just⊠I lost my best friend a month ago today. Still fresh,â you mutter.
Lucas and Erica make eye contact that you donât notice. Talking without using their mouths, they understood thereâs more going on that youâre not talking about and theyâre trying to be patient with you.
âWeâre having a gathering at Loverâs Lake. I can take the kids to hang with their friends. Weâll be home by 9,â
â9?!â Lucas exasperates
âItâs a Friday, Y/N!,â Erica rolls her eyes.
âWell Iâll be leaving at 8:45. I donât want to stay out all night,â
âYeah cause all youâll do is sulk in your room about-,â
âLucas!â Your mom reacts, wide eyes and glaring at your brother.
âItâs fine,â you tell her shaking your head. Youâre not even hungry anymore, âBe ready by 6:15 if you guys are going,â
âââ
You couldnât really enjoy the night without Eddie there. You were hoping he was safe and not getting in any fights or robbed since heâs making deals tonight. You just want him by your side so you know heâs safe.
âEarth to Y/N!â Steve shouts. Youâve been doing that a lot lately and they never mention it, but best believe they notice it. Before all of this went down, you didnât zone out like that. They know zoning out here and there is normal, but itâs a constant state of mind for you when youâre around them.
âYeah?â You snap out of it and look to see him across from you. Once youâre brought back to focus, you can feel the heat of the fire on your face, you can hear the wind rustling the leaves, you can hear the water rippling, you can feel them staring at you with concern.
âHave you decided what youâre going to do after we graduate?,â
âGoing to California,â you deadpan. There was no doubt in your mind about it.
âCalifornia?,â Robin screeches, âWhen the hell were you going to tell us?â
âI just decided it,â you shrugged, âEddie always talks about going there and making it big. So Iâm going to try and make it big,â
All of their eyes soften at your words and you donât know why.
âYou can make it big here,â Mike adds.
âIâd crash and burn if I stayed here,â you answer. Sulking once again. Thinking about all of those who were unfortunate, unsuspecting victims to the dark secrets of Hawkins. You donât want to stay here anymore. You need to move out and move on. Itâs time.
âBut family is here,â Erica said. Sure she was a little brat but sheâd miss you if you left, because she knows if you did⊠youâd never come back.
âPain.. is here,â you looked to her and take a sip of your drink, getting up and walking to the edge of the lake, staring out at the moonlit water. Your mind flashed to that night. You, Eddie, Nancy, Steve and Robin diving in through the gate, you all fought tooth and nail to get out, fighting against the creatures that lived there, even through the final battle.
A shiver runs down your back at that thought. You all made it out but at what cost? Now you barely sleep, barely eat, barely talk. All of this left a stain on your soul and it wonât come off, itâll be there forever.
That ache will never leave.
âââ
For the next few days you avoid the others. You havenât been wanting to hangout, youâve been staying at home, locking yourself away from your siblings in your room, making the plans for California with Eddie.
Itâs been a week since youâve talked to any of them. Avoiding them in the halls, at lunch, after school- you havenât even muttered a word to Lucas or Erica, they were more worried now than ever.
Nancy and Robin always tried to invite you out to the movie or out for milkshakes but you always declined. Dustin always tried to come to you about science things and what not but youâd just tell him youâd catch him later. Max would try to tell you she was there and she understands the pain of losing someone and to not shut yourself away.
Youâre not shutting yourself away though, youâre just focusing on yourself and your relationship. Mike and Will always tried to get you to join them at Hellfire Club but you denied them that satisfaction, leaving that to be Eddieâs thing, you never did understand D&D much so you gave up a while ago. El would come to you about girly things but you wouldnât engage much. Steve and Jonathan always invited you to smoke but you didnât have time for that- you had plans to make.
So itâs been a week of torture for them. You ignoring them and when they are finally face to face with you itâs like you donât see them. They even invited you to Maxâs tonight for a horror movie marathon but you declined, youâve had enough jumpscares to last a lifetime.
So instead, said you couldnât make it and planned a movie night with Eddie at his trailer. Wayne would be at work and you have a spare key, Wayne telling you youâre welcome over at any time. You brought snacks and drinks and his favorite pizza, BBQ chicken.
What you donât know is that Steve sees your car pull up at Eddieâs trailer.
âWhatâs Y/N doing?â He asks aloud.
âSheâs not here what are you talking about?â Lucas questions.
âYeah because sheâs over at Eddieâs,â the other come join him in the kitchen to watch you through the window struggling with all the items in your hand. They can hear you talking, but⊠no one is home? They know what Wayneâs truck looks like and he left an hour ago.
âI got your favorites! and I got that new comedy movie you were talking about,â
They donât know who you were talking to and majority of them got a sinking feeling in their stomach.
On the other side of Eddieâs trailer though, he had his arms wrapped around your waist, smothering you in kisses and muttering I love yous and I miss yous.
âHahaha okay okay! Iâm excited to see you too, handsome,â you kiss him deeply and pull away, just smiling. You were so glad you had someone like him in your life.
You get everything set up and you and Eddie are talking about your day when you hear a knock on the door.
âYou expecting anyone?â You ask him as you walk to the door
âOnly you, thatâs it,â
You open the door and see the others staring at you with questioning eyes and skeptical looks. Looks of pity and looks of concern.
âHey what are you guys doing here?,â you smile brightly and move aside to let them in.
âWe were going to ask you the same thing,â Dustin says.
âWell,â you look around you, smiling at everything put together, âWeâre about to have a movie night!â
âWe?â Robin looks between all of you, âour movie night is at Maxâs,â
âNot us, silly. Me and Eddie,â you say and thatâs when the room gets eerily quiet.
âY/N,â Steve mutters your name as if itâs a warning.
âWhat?,â you ask, eyes wide as you lick the barbecue sauce off your finger.
You really arenât acknowledging it.
âYouâre serious?â He gives an airy chuckle, this isnât funny he just doesnât understand.
âYes! Eddie wanted to see this movie so weâre watching. Right babe?â You turn to him and he nods, âSee?â
âY/N⊠Eddie is gone,â Max steps forward but you move around them all to finish setting up. You got the drink and your cups, setting them on the table.
They notice the two plates, two cups, two drinks.
âWhy are you talking about him as if heâs not standing right here?!â You snap, âHe saved your lives have some respect,â
You never raise your voice at any of them but their attitudes are pissing you off.
âBecause heâs not,â Lucas says, âY/N, you need to snap out of it and realize this is an unhealthy coping mechanism. Eddie died a month ago,â
âShut up!,â you scoff, you werenât believing their words not when Eddie was standing right beside you.
âHe mattered time too,â Dustin stepped in, getting real close, âWhat youâre experiencing is called bereavement hallucinations,â
âWhat are you trying to say? That Iâm crazy?!â Youâre angry now. How dare they come in here, making space for themselves and hurl these words at you?!
All of them realize your anger is just masking you being in denial.
âNo, what Iâm saying is youâre grieving and youâre trying to keep yourself together and this is how youâre doing it⊠but itâs not helping. Itâs going to hurt you more in the long run,â
âHeâs standing right..,â you look and heâs not there, âEddie?â
Your voice cracks and you look around to look for him but heâs not there. You run to his bedroom calling his name, âEddie, where did you go?â You call out, sadness bleeding into your tone.
âHeâs here. H-heâs still here. This isnât funny!,â you shout as you enter the living room again.
âThis isnât some joke,â Lucas says softly. He can see you cracking around the edges. Reality was seeping into the cracks and dripping down into your perception. You were starting to see the truth. âYouâre my big sister, Y/N. I canât stand seeing you like this,â
You close your eyes and use emotional tape to heal those cracks. Then you hear his voice again.
âIâm right here, baby,â he whispers and you calm down again, wiping your tears.
âCan you tell them to leave? Theyâre ruining our movie night,â you plead, looking over your shoulder.
But thereâs no one there. Not for them to see. They were watching you talk to a wall and they didnât know how to handle it. Their dearest friend was falling apart at the seams and they canât do anything to make it instantly better.
âY/N seriously,â Erica softly begs, âyouâre scaring me⊠a-and Iâve seen some freaky shit,â
âGet out!!,â you scream, âEddie tell them to leave!â
âY/N⊠maybe you should listen to them,â Eddie says softly. Heâd been wanting to say this. This part of your conscience, has been wanting to say this.
You snap your head to him and your demeanor softens
âN-no! No theyâre ruining everything!,â
âEddie is gone,â Dustin says.
âNo,â
âHe died in the upside down. You were there. You held him in your arms,â Robin adds. She knows how all of this went. She found you with his lifeless body, you werenât even crying, you were just talking to him. Holding him.
âNo! Youâre lying! He made it out, heâs been here the whole timeâ
âEddie died shortly after Chrissy did,â Max says sadly, âYou stayed there with his body for two days. We thought you were gone too,â
âWhy are you guys lying? Why are you doing this to me?â
âBecause youâre hurting yourself with these illusions,â Robin comes forwards. Thereâs so many of them here. Too many and all you want is Eddie.
âNo,â you wrap your arms around yourself, the smell of his hoodie engulfing you, âW-we were just talking the other day about moving to California, starting a family a-and⊠and,â
You turn to Eddie and heâs there but⊠not fully. It looks like heâs disappearing and you start to dry heave.
âYou were there for his funeral. You wouldnât leave his tombstone,â Nancy speaks up.
Theyâre all trying to snap you out of it. It may seem harsh but youâre hurting more when youâre doing this to yourself.
âHe was just playing guitar for me!â You sob. Hands flying over your ears to shut them up.
âHe died saving us all, he died for you,â Mike interjects.
âHe wouldnât leave me,â you shake your head, glaring at Mike, you turn to Eddie and shake your head even harder, âYou wouldnât leave me,â
âItâs okay,â Eddie nods and it makes your chest hurt. You can barely keep yourself up, stumbling backwards.
âHe didnât leave to hurt you, Y/N. Heâs a hero. He saved us and I know it hurts but youâre going to be okay,â Steve comes forward and grabs your wrists, but you fall and slip through his grasp, clenching at your chest.
âNo! No! Shut up, shut up, SHUT THE FUCK UP!!â Voice hoarse, eyes burning with tears.
Eddie comes over and kneels down to be to your level, lifting your chin up and giving you the softest kiss ever. It was a goodbye kiss.
âItâs time,â he says.
The scream that you let out is one that shakes the trailer. He disappears before your eyes and youâre so lightheaded you feel as though you could pass out.
âEddiiiiiee!!!,â calling for him wouldnât work. He wouldnât answer. Youâre hyperventilating and youâre crying out his name.
âHey, hey, itâs okay. Itâs going to be okay!,â Lucas rushes to you and engulfs you in a hug but it doesnât help, itâs not Eddieâs touch.
âNo please! Pl-please. This.. this is some sick joke!â You push him off. He doesnât take offense though. Your fairytale world is crashing around you and the debris is suffocating you.
âHeâs still h-here. Heâs st-still here,â
âNo, Y/N⊠heâs gone,â Dustin cries. Dustin is crying because he knows the pain of losing Eddie. The others are crying because theyâre seeing their sister and loved one have a completely emotional breakdown and itâs hurting them to not be able to fix it.
âYouâre l-lying,â you spit. Youâre violently shaking, choking on your own saliva as you cry. Your body is aching as youâre finally allowing grief to consume your body.
âY/N.â El comes forward to console you even if it wouldnât 100% help.
âW-we weâre just talking about California⊠w-were sup-supposed to be Eddie and Y/N MunsonâŠâ
You held on tight to your brother as he rocked you, Erica holding your hand.
Heâs gone⊠heâs never coming back.
And itâs time to move forward.
âââ
You finished packing the last of Eddieâs things that you wanted to bring with you. The last few months have been hard and itâs been even more difficult to keep your head above water but you did it.
You did it for him.
You were heading to California. You made sure to spend as much time with everyone as possible, making up for lost time. You slammed the trunk to your car shut and put your sunglasses on. You double checked everything , making sure you had all the important things. Your money, your cards.
Your license⊠the new license that had your new name on it. Y/N Munson.
Even if he wasnât here, heâs still with you.
You pull out of the trailer park driving past the sign. You take one last look in your rear view mirror and see the apparition of Eddie Munson blowing you a kiss and slowly waving. A deep sob escapes your lips as you move your eyes from the mirror, focusing forward.
This is what he would want.
You have to embrace your pain, that is the only place you can truly heal and find growth.
âââââ
IM CRYIIING I CRIED WRITING THIS OMFG đ I probably wonât be doing a tag list for this so please reblog, comment and like!!!
I love you all and will be coming back full force very soon đ€
tags: @blackreaders-assemble @mbaku-babygirl @babybubastis @honeyjasminetea @warmchick @valentinevirgo @persephones24 @dumbchick @micki-smiles @here-for-your-bullshit @dayasvalkyrie @xye-weirdo @disaster-rose @dumbchickwrites @pastelastronomy24 @baphomet-wears-gucci @buckybarnesplumwhore @valkryienymph @mariahthelioness29 @taylortheeshowpony @alyssaj23 @endlesslymedusa @areubeingserved @9daykrisr @missdforever @bitchacho25 @ijustrepost @suchababie @queenoftheworldisdead @beautiful-loserr @the2daily4scoop @jin0 @smoothy-ve @oh-nohoney @sambucky8 @princess-toshii @sebbyslut @titty-teetee @ilovefanfic86 @topshopwhxre @berrybimbo
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Itâs Time
summary: itâs hard to accept the truth
pairings : eddie x Sinclair!reader
warnings: angst, grief, in denial about death, breaking down
a/n: I donât know if anyone did this concept for Eddie already but if they did Iâm not trying to copy anyone!đ€
ââââ
âHey, Y/N are you coming to Steveâs tonight?,â Dustin asked. Everyone has been tiptoeing around you since you all defeated Vecna and youâre not sure why. Sure some lives were lost but you still have Eddie and your little siblings and thatâs what matters most.
âUuuh I donât think so, I have some studying to do,â you give the freshman a smile, even with you smiling, Dustin looked at you like he had something to say, âIâll catch you all at lunch though, okay?â
âYeah!â He gave a weak smile and turned to walk over to his friends, seeing your younger brother.
âHow is she able to smile?,â
âI donât know, but Iâll take it as long as sheâs okay. She doesnât talk about that night,â Lucas shrugged, âLiterally the next day she woke up happy as ever asking Erica if they wanted to go on a shopping date,â
âWe all wear grief differently,â Max added in, âI drowned myself in music and isolation. At least sheâs trying to move forward and remain normal,â
Dustin frowned, knowing the pain youâre avoiding. He knows itâs going to build up and he doesnât want that for you. Dustin hasnât been able to sleep well since that night and everyone has just been able to move forward. He knows issues with the upside down have been a reoccurring issue, but something about this time around just stuck with him and no one else understands because theyâre in such a rush to move on and live normal lives.
âAvoiding grief isnât normal,â
âââ
âBaby why donât we go spend time with your friends?,â Eddie questioned. Mindlessly strumming his guitar, admiring the little frown you have on your face from focusing, âyouâve been studying super hard with no free time,â
âThe only free time I need is with you,â looking up at him and smiling, âI almost lost you that night,â
âYou almost lost all of us,â Eddie corrected.
âYeah but youâre the one I plan on spending the rest of my life with so that night solidified it that I need to be with you more, especially after your name was cleared,â
âThank God,â he huffed, setting his guitar back on the wall to come over to you, towering over you to give you a kiss on your cheek, âorange isnât my color and I donât think Iâd be able to survive not being with you all the time,â
âItâs okay, Iâd break you out,â you giggle and just stare at him. He looks much more tired than usual, everyone does but Eddie has been through a lot. Being blamed for murder, being in the run being attacked in the Upside Down and having to heal from that.
âCmon, letâs stop studying for tonight and go be with your friends,â he helped you stand up but you wrapped your arms around him bringing him down for a kiss.
âHow about we just stay in and talk about our plans to leave this hellhole,â
Eddie just smiled at you and you both got ready for bed, once you are, youâre wrapped in his arms and feel so safe.
âIâm thinking we should just go to California like you said before,â you started, right before all this Vecna bullshit you Eddie was actually starting to get the attention of record label executives and had many offers, he just couldnât figure out which deal to go for, then shit hit the fan.
But everything is fine now.
âWhy the change of heart?â
âI think weâll just thrive better there. You have your music, Iâll graduate with my cosmetology license so I donât have to go to college. We could be big out there, Eddie!â You signed dreamily.
âEddie and Y/N Munson. We could be big names in a big city,â you added. Eddie squeezed you tighter as you dreamed about your near future together.
âCalifornia it is. You sure youâre going to be able to leave this place behind? Your home?â
âHome is wherever you are, Eddieâ
âââ
Eddie had some deals to make and told you heâd meet you at school. When you pull up, Lucas wastes no time jumping out of the car to be with his friends and Erica jumped out walking over to her friends over at the middle school. Nancy pulled up beside you to drop Mike off and waved happily when she saw you. She hasnât seen you in a few days because you lock yourself away studying and spending time with Eddie.
You quickly get out of your car and get to her. She gets out and gives you a big hug, âIâve missed you!â She squeals.
âI miss you too! Sorry Iâve been busy studying for my cosmetology license so itâs been time consuming,â
She smiles and nods, happy that youâre at least keeping up with your grades in the midst of grief.
âTheyâre going to do a moment of silence for Chrissy today,â you let her know. She knows Chrissy was your best friend and she knows what itâs like to lose a best friend, so she empathizes, âItâs been a month since sheâs passedâ
âIâm glad theyâre doing that for her, Iâve seen the vigils for all those who were lost during that time. You let me know if you need anything okay? Any of us, weâre here,â
âI know, Nance and I love you guys for it. Iâll meet up with you guys after school,â
âSounds good, Iâll see you later,â
You two say your goodbyes and Nancy goes over to meet with Jonathan as you head into school, waving to your brotherâs friends who you have adopted as little siblings as well. Will and El are back so itâs good to see them finally have a normal life and school year.
You meet up with Robin as you two have lockers right beside each other. She sees you in your cheerleading uniform, white cardigan with a button that has Chrissyâs face on it. She doesnât want to bring it up, she knows youâre hurting.
âHey, how you holding up?,â She asks quietly. While you have been moving through life normally, you still havenât really been chatting much.
âIâm okay!! How are you?â You question, she looks exhausted, you all are. The school year ends in a few months so itâs crunch time.
âClasses are kicking my ass but Iâm hanging in there. We miss you, weâre going to Loverâs Lake after school for a bonfire if youâd like to come,â
You weigh your options, not knowing if you want to stay in with Eddie or go with them. You figured youâd take Eddieâs advice and hang out with your friends, heâd probably just go over Rickâs.
âI know the lake is still a sore spot but we figured we could give it a new history,â she adds.
âY-yeah,â you send a soft smile, âIâll be there after I stop by to see Chrissyâs family. Weâre having a memorial for her,â
âThatâs so sweet,â Robin gives you a hug and takes a deep breath, it seems like she needed this hug more than you did, âBe safe and weâll see you later okay? Weâll be at the lake at 6:30,â
âIâll be there,â
âââ
By the time lunch came you were finally able to see Eddie. You did tell Jonathan in third hour that you were going to sit with them at lunch but you hadnât seen Eddie since this morning. So, you took your lunch box and walked out to the clearing with the picnic table and he was sitting there, smiling at you.
Youâd never forget that smile, nor get sick of it.
âHey there, handsome,â you say softly as you walk closer.
âHey, sweets,â his big brown eyes looked at you like you hand painted all the stars in the universe.
âI packed your favorite,â you sat down and opened your lunchbox handing him a bologna sandwich with pickles, mustard and pepper Jack cheese. He thanks you and waits for you to get all of your lunch out before eating, he always waited for you to start eating before he did.
âChrissyâs memorial is tonight,â you tell him.
âYeah I heard. I donât know if I should go. Even though my name is cleared I feel awful,â
âItâs okay, baby. Itâs something small so donât feel pressured, okay?â You reached over to squeeze his hands to comfort him, this entire situation has been traumatizing for everyone but especially Eddie.
âRobin also invited us down to Loverâs Lake if you wanna come but I know you probably have some deals to make, itâs a Friday night,â
âYeah me and Rick have a party to deal to so it might take a while,â
âDonât worry if you canât make it. I donât think Iâm gonna stay long anyway,â
âYeah Iâll probably get up with Steve and tell him I canât make it,â
A comfortable silence fell between you two as the both of you ate. You were the first to finish, you hadnât eaten breakfast this morning because you overslept. Eddieâs arms are just too comfortable, so itâs safe to say you were hungry.
âI love you,â you let him know. Adoring his smile lines, his frizzy hair, his hands, everything about him. You wear your favorite ring of his 24/7. It was the skull one, you always played with his hands and thatâs the ring you gravitated to.
âI love you more,â he stared at you with this longing, like he missed you and never wanted to let go.
The two of you sat and talked for the remainder of lunch. Cracking jokes and talking about movies and conspiracy theories. It was always fun like this, until the bell rang.
âUgh, booooo,â you huff packing up your belongings and trash from lunch.
âItâs okay, weâre done with classes soon so itâs okay,â
âYeah yeahâ you pout. He kisses your poked out lip, pushing it back to its normal position and smiles against your lip.
âYouâre just too cute. Iâll see you at the memorial okay?â
âYouâre coming?!â You smile brightly. You know Chrissy would want him there.
âOf course. For you and for her,â
âââ
The memorial was emotional as expected. No one batted an eye that Eddie was there and that was a relief to both of you. You had talked to Chrissyâs mom, even though she wasnât the best mother, that was still her daughter that is no longer here. Your cheer team performed a routine in Chrissyâs honor and the basketball team was there too. It was a short gathering, you were glad you two went.
You miss Chrissy more than words can describe. You canât take anymore loss.
âAll right, sweets. I gotta go meet Rick okay?,â he helps you get in your car and gives you a soft kiss before whispering âIâll see ya later. Iâll even bring you a surprise,â
âWell now I canât wait,â you laughed. You sat and made sure he got in his car okay and then you both went your different ways, honking at each other and waving as you two went opposite directions.
You went home and had dinner with your family. You were quiet, still emotional after the memorial.
âYou okay, Y/N? Youâve been very quiet lately,â
âYeah dad, just⊠I lost my best friend a month ago today. Still fresh,â you mutter.
Lucas and Erica make eye contact that you donât notice. Talking without using their mouths, they understood thereâs more going on that youâre not talking about and theyâre trying to be patient with you.
âWeâre having a gathering at Loverâs Lake. I can take the kids to hang with their friends. Weâll be home by 9,â
â9?!â Lucas exasperates
âItâs a Friday, Y/N!,â Erica rolls her eyes.
âWell Iâll be leaving at 8:45. I donât want to stay out all night,â
âYeah cause all youâll do is sulk in your room about-,â
âLucas!â Your mom reacts, wide eyes and glaring at your brother.
âItâs fine,â you tell her shaking your head. Youâre not even hungry anymore, âBe ready by 6:15 if you guys are going,â
âââ
You couldnât really enjoy the night without Eddie there. You were hoping he was safe and not getting in any fights or robbed since heâs making deals tonight. You just want him by your side so you know heâs safe.
âEarth to Y/N!â Steve shouts. Youâve been doing that a lot lately and they never mention it, but best believe they notice it. Before all of this went down, you didnât zone out like that. They know zoning out here and there is normal, but itâs a constant state of mind for you when youâre around them.
âYeah?â You snap out of it and look to see him across from you. Once youâre brought back to focus, you can feel the heat of the fire on your face, you can hear the wind rustling the leaves, you can hear the water rippling, you can feel them staring at you with concern.
âHave you decided what youâre going to do after we graduate?,â
âGoing to California,â you deadpan. There was no doubt in your mind about it.
âCalifornia?,â Robin screeches, âWhen the hell were you going to tell us?â
âI just decided it,â you shrugged, âEddie always talks about going there and making it big. So Iâm going to try and make it big,â
All of their eyes soften at your words and you donât know why.
âYou can make it big here,â Mike adds.
âIâd crash and burn if I stayed here,â you answer. Sulking once again. Thinking about all of those who were unfortunate, unsuspecting victims to the dark secrets of Hawkins. You donât want to stay here anymore. You need to move out and move on. Itâs time.
âBut family is here,â Erica said. Sure she was a little brat but sheâd miss you if you left, because she knows if you did⊠youâd never come back.
âPain.. is here,â you looked to her and take a sip of your drink, getting up and walking to the edge of the lake, staring out at the moonlit water. Your mind flashed to that night. You, Eddie, Nancy, Steve and Robin diving in through the gate, you all fought tooth and nail to get out, fighting against the creatures that lived there, even through the final battle.
A shiver runs down your back at that thought. You all made it out but at what cost? Now you barely sleep, barely eat, barely talk. All of this left a stain on your soul and it wonât come off, itâll be there forever.
That ache will never leave.
âââ
For the next few days you avoid the others. You havenât been wanting to hangout, youâve been staying at home, locking yourself away from your siblings in your room, making the plans for California with Eddie.
Itâs been a week since youâve talked to any of them. Avoiding them in the halls, at lunch, after school- you havenât even muttered a word to Lucas or Erica, they were more worried now than ever.
Nancy and Robin always tried to invite you out to the movie or out for milkshakes but you always declined. Dustin always tried to come to you about science things and what not but youâd just tell him youâd catch him later. Max would try to tell you she was there and she understands the pain of losing someone and to not shut yourself away.
Youâre not shutting yourself away though, youâre just focusing on yourself and your relationship. Mike and Will always tried to get you to join them at Hellfire Club but you denied them that satisfaction, leaving that to be Eddieâs thing, you never did understand D&D much so you gave up a while ago. El would come to you about girly things but you wouldnât engage much. Steve and Jonathan always invited you to smoke but you didnât have time for that- you had plans to make.
So itâs been a week of torture for them. You ignoring them and when they are finally face to face with you itâs like you donât see them. They even invited you to Maxâs tonight for a horror movie marathon but you declined, youâve had enough jumpscares to last a lifetime.
So instead, said you couldnât make it and planned a movie night with Eddie at his trailer. Wayne would be at work and you have a spare key, Wayne telling you youâre welcome over at any time. You brought snacks and drinks and his favorite pizza, BBQ chicken.
What you donât know is that Steve sees your car pull up at Eddieâs trailer.
âWhatâs Y/N doing?â He asks aloud.
âSheâs not here what are you talking about?â Lucas questions.
âYeah because sheâs over at Eddieâs,â the other come join him in the kitchen to watch you through the window struggling with all the items in your hand. They can hear you talking, but⊠no one is home? They know what Wayneâs truck looks like and he left an hour ago.
âI got your favorites! and I got that new comedy movie you were talking about,â
They donât know who you were talking to and majority of them got a sinking feeling in their stomach.
On the other side of Eddieâs trailer though, he had his arms wrapped around your waist, smothering you in kisses and muttering I love yous and I miss yous.
âHahaha okay okay! Iâm excited to see you too, handsome,â you kiss him deeply and pull away, just smiling. You were so glad you had someone like him in your life.
You get everything set up and you and Eddie are talking about your day when you hear a knock on the door.
âYou expecting anyone?â You ask him as you walk to the door
âOnly you, thatâs it,â
You open the door and see the others staring at you with questioning eyes and skeptical looks. Looks of pity and looks of concern.
âHey what are you guys doing here?,â you smile brightly and move aside to let them in.
âWe were going to ask you the same thing,â Dustin says.
âWell,â you look around you, smiling at everything put together, âWeâre about to have a movie night!â
âWe?â Robin looks between all of you, âour movie night is at Maxâs,â
âNot us, silly. Me and Eddie,â you say and thatâs when the room gets eerily quiet.
âY/N,â Steve mutters your name as if itâs a warning.
âWhat?,â you ask, eyes wide as you lick the barbecue sauce off your finger.
You really arenât acknowledging it.
âYouâre serious?â He gives an airy chuckle, this isnât funny he just doesnât understand.
âYes! Eddie wanted to see this movie so weâre watching. Right babe?â You turn to him and he nods, âSee?â
âY/N⊠Eddie is gone,â Max steps forward but you move around them all to finish setting up. You got the drink and your cups, setting them on the table.
They notice the two plates, two cups, two drinks.
âWhy are you talking about him as if heâs not standing right here?!â You snap, âHe saved your lives have some respect,â
You never raise your voice at any of them but their attitudes are pissing you off.
âBecause heâs not,â Lucas says, âY/N, you need to snap out of it and realize this is an unhealthy coping mechanism. Eddie died a month ago,â
âShut up!,â you scoff, you werenât believing their words not when Eddie was standing right beside you.
âHe mattered time too,â Dustin stepped in, getting real close, âWhat youâre experiencing is called bereavement hallucinations,â
âWhat are you trying to say? That Iâm crazy?!â Youâre angry now. How dare they come in here, making space for themselves and hurl these words at you?!
All of them realize your anger is just masking you being in denial.
âNo, what Iâm saying is youâre grieving and youâre trying to keep yourself together and this is how youâre doing it⊠but itâs not helping. Itâs going to hurt you more in the long run,â
âHeâs standing right..,â you look and heâs not there, âEddie?â
Your voice cracks and you look around to look for him but heâs not there. You run to his bedroom calling his name, âEddie, where did you go?â You call out, sadness bleeding into your tone.
âHeâs here. H-heâs still here. This isnât funny!,â you shout as you enter the living room again.
âThis isnât some joke,â Lucas says softly. He can see you cracking around the edges. Reality was seeping into the cracks and dripping down into your perception. You were starting to see the truth. âYouâre my big sister, Y/N. I canât stand seeing you like this,â
You close your eyes and use emotional tape to heal those cracks. Then you hear his voice again.
âIâm right here, baby,â he whispers and you calm down again, wiping your tears.
âCan you tell them to leave? Theyâre ruining our movie night,â you plead, looking over your shoulder.
But thereâs no one there. Not for them to see. They were watching you talk to a wall and they didnât know how to handle it. Their dearest friend was falling apart at the seams and they canât do anything to make it instantly better.
âY/N seriously,â Erica softly begs, âyouâre scaring me⊠a-and Iâve seen some freaky shit,â
âGet out!!,â you scream, âEddie tell them to leave!â
âY/N⊠maybe you should listen to them,â Eddie says softly. Heâd been wanting to say this. This part of your conscience, has been wanting to say this.
You snap your head to him and your demeanor softens
âN-no! No theyâre ruining everything!,â
âEddie is gone,â Dustin says.
âNo,â
âHe died in the upside down. You were there. You held him in your arms,â Robin adds. She knows how all of this went. She found you with his lifeless body, you werenât even crying, you were just talking to him. Holding him.
âNo! Youâre lying! He made it out, heâs been here the whole timeâ
âEddie died shortly after Chrissy did,â Max says sadly, âYou stayed there with his body for two days. We thought you were gone too,â
âWhy are you guys lying? Why are you doing this to me?â
âBecause youâre hurting yourself with these illusions,â Robin comes forwards. Thereâs so many of them here. Too many and all you want is Eddie.
âNo,â you wrap your arms around yourself, the smell of his hoodie engulfing you, âW-we were just talking the other day about moving to California, starting a family a-and⊠and,â
You turn to Eddie and heâs there but⊠not fully. It looks like heâs disappearing and you start to dry heave.
âYou were there for his funeral. You wouldnât leave his tombstone,â Nancy speaks up.
Theyâre all trying to snap you out of it. It may seem harsh but youâre hurting more when youâre doing this to yourself.
âHe was just playing guitar for me!â You sob. Hands flying over your ears to shut them up.
âHe died saving us all, he died for you,â Mike interjects.
âHe wouldnât leave me,â you shake your head, glaring at Mike, you turn to Eddie and shake your head even harder, âYou wouldnât leave me,â
âItâs okay,â Eddie nods and it makes your chest hurt. You can barely keep yourself up, stumbling backwards.
âHe didnât leave to hurt you, Y/N. Heâs a hero. He saved us and I know it hurts but youâre going to be okay,â Steve comes forward and grabs your wrists, but you fall and slip through his grasp, clenching at your chest.
âNo! No! Shut up, shut up, SHUT THE FUCK UP!!â Voice hoarse, eyes burning with tears.
Eddie comes over and kneels down to be to your level, lifting your chin up and giving you the softest kiss ever. It was a goodbye kiss.
âItâs time,â he says.
The scream that you let out is one that shakes the trailer. He disappears before your eyes and youâre so lightheaded you feel as though you could pass out.
âEddiiiiiee!!!,â calling for him wouldnât work. He wouldnât answer. Youâre hyperventilating and youâre crying out his name.
âHey, hey, itâs okay. Itâs going to be okay!,â Lucas rushes to you and engulfs you in a hug but it doesnât help, itâs not Eddieâs touch.
âNo please! Pl-please. This.. this is some sick joke!â You push him off. He doesnât take offense though. Your fairytale world is crashing around you and the debris is suffocating you.
âHeâs still h-here. Heâs st-still here,â
âNo, Y/N⊠heâs gone,â Dustin cries. Dustin is crying because he knows the pain of losing Eddie. The others are crying because theyâre seeing their sister and loved one have a completely emotional breakdown and itâs hurting them to not be able to fix it.
âYouâre l-lying,â you spit. Youâre violently shaking, choking on your own saliva as you cry. Your body is aching as youâre finally allowing grief to consume your body.
âY/N.â El comes forward to console you even if it wouldnât 100% help.
âW-we weâre just talking about California⊠w-were sup-supposed to be Eddie and Y/N MunsonâŠâ
You held on tight to your brother as he rocked you, Erica holding your hand.
Heâs gone⊠heâs never coming back.
And itâs time to move forward.
âââ
You finished packing the last of Eddieâs things that you wanted to bring with you. The last few months have been hard and itâs been even more difficult to keep your head above water but you did it.
You did it for him.
You were heading to California. You made sure to spend as much time with everyone as possible, making up for lost time. You slammed the trunk to your car shut and put your sunglasses on. You double checked everything , making sure you had all the important things. Your money, your cards.
Your license⊠the new license that had your new name on it. Y/N Munson.
Even if he wasnât here, heâs still with you.
You pull out of the trailer park driving past the sign. You take one last look in your rear view mirror and see the apparition of Eddie Munson blowing you a kiss and slowly waving. A deep sob escapes your lips as you move your eyes from the mirror, focusing forward.
This is what he would want.
You have to embrace your pain, that is the only place you can truly heal and find growth.
âââââ
IM CRYIIING I CRIED WRITING THIS OMFG đ I probably wonât be doing a tag list for this so please reblog, comment and like!!!
I love you all and will be coming back full force very soon đ€
tags: @blackreaders-assemble @mbaku-babygirl @babybubastis @honeyjasminetea @warmchick @valentinevirgo @persephones24 @dumbchick @micki-smiles @here-for-your-bullshit @dayasvalkyrie @xye-weirdo @disaster-rose @dumbchickwrites @pastelastronomy24 @baphomet-wears-gucci @buckybarnesplumwhore @valkryienymph @mariahthelioness29 @taylortheeshowpony @alyssaj23 @endlesslymedusa @areubeingserved @9daykrisr @missdforever @bitchacho25 @ijustrepost @suchababie @queenoftheworldisdead @beautiful-loserr @the2daily4scoop @jin0 @smoothy-ve @oh-nohoney @sambucky8 @princess-toshii @sebbyslut @titty-teetee @ilovefanfic86 @topshopwhxre @berrybimbo
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Itâs Time
summary: itâs hard to accept the truth
pairings : eddie x Sinclair!reader
warnings: angst, grief, in denial about death, breaking down
a/n: I donât know if anyone did this concept for Eddie already but if they did Iâm not trying to copy anyone!đ€
ââââ
âHey, Y/N are you coming to Steveâs tonight?,â Dustin asked. Everyone has been tiptoeing around you since you all defeated Vecna and youâre not sure why. Sure some lives were lost but you still have Eddie and your little siblings and thatâs what matters most.
âUuuh I donât think so, I have some studying to do,â you give the freshman a smile, even with you smiling, Dustin looked at you like he had something to say, âIâll catch you all at lunch though, okay?â
âYeah!â He gave a weak smile and turned to walk over to his friends, seeing your younger brother.
âHow is she able to smile?,â
âI donât know, but Iâll take it as long as sheâs okay. She doesnât talk about that night,â Lucas shrugged, âLiterally the next day she woke up happy as ever asking Erica if they wanted to go on a shopping date,â
âWe all wear grief differently,â Max added in, âI drowned myself in music and isolation. At least sheâs trying to move forward and remain normal,â
Dustin frowned, knowing the pain youâre avoiding. He knows itâs going to build up and he doesnât want that for you. Dustin hasnât been able to sleep well since that night and everyone has just been able to move forward. He knows issues with the upside down have been a reoccurring issue, but something about this time around just stuck with him and no one else understands because theyâre in such a rush to move on and live normal lives.
âAvoiding grief isnât normal,â
âââ
âBaby why donât we go spend time with your friends?,â Eddie questioned. Mindlessly strumming his guitar, admiring the little frown you have on your face from focusing, âyouâve been studying super hard with no free time,â
âThe only free time I need is with you,â looking up at him and smiling, âI almost lost you that night,â
âYou almost lost all of us,â Eddie corrected.
âYeah but youâre the one I plan on spending the rest of my life with so that night solidified it that I need to be with you more, especially after your name was cleared,â
âThank God,â he huffed, setting his guitar back on the wall to come over to you, towering over you to give you a kiss on your cheek, âorange isnât my color and I donât think Iâd be able to survive not being with you all the time,â
âItâs okay, Iâd break you out,â you giggle and just stare at him. He looks much more tired than usual, everyone does but Eddie has been through a lot. Being blamed for murder, being in the run being attacked in the Upside Down and having to heal from that.
âCmon, letâs stop studying for tonight and go be with your friends,â he helped you stand up but you wrapped your arms around him bringing him down for a kiss.
âHow about we just stay in and talk about our plans to leave this hellhole,â
Eddie just smiled at you and you both got ready for bed, once you are, youâre wrapped in his arms and feel so safe.
âIâm thinking we should just go to California like you said before,â you started, right before all this Vecna bullshit you Eddie was actually starting to get the attention of record label executives and had many offers, he just couldnât figure out which deal to go for, then shit hit the fan.
But everything is fine now.
âWhy the change of heart?â
âI think weâll just thrive better there. You have your music, Iâll graduate with my cosmetology license so I donât have to go to college. We could be big out there, Eddie!â You signed dreamily.
âEddie and Y/N Munson. We could be big names in a big city,â you added. Eddie squeezed you tighter as you dreamed about your near future together.
âCalifornia it is. You sure youâre going to be able to leave this place behind? Your home?â
âHome is wherever you are, Eddieâ
âââ
Eddie had some deals to make and told you heâd meet you at school. When you pull up, Lucas wastes no time jumping out of the car to be with his friends and Erica jumped out walking over to her friends over at the middle school. Nancy pulled up beside you to drop Mike off and waved happily when she saw you. She hasnât seen you in a few days because you lock yourself away studying and spending time with Eddie.
You quickly get out of your car and get to her. She gets out and gives you a big hug, âIâve missed you!â She squeals.
âI miss you too! Sorry Iâve been busy studying for my cosmetology license so itâs been time consuming,â
She smiles and nods, happy that youâre at least keeping up with your grades in the midst of grief.
âTheyâre going to do a moment of silence for Chrissy today,â you let her know. She knows Chrissy was your best friend and she knows what itâs like to lose a best friend, so she empathizes, âItâs been a month since sheâs passedâ
âIâm glad theyâre doing that for her, Iâve seen the vigils for all those who were lost during that time. You let me know if you need anything okay? Any of us, weâre here,â
âI know, Nance and I love you guys for it. Iâll meet up with you guys after school,â
âSounds good, Iâll see you later,â
You two say your goodbyes and Nancy goes over to meet with Jonathan as you head into school, waving to your brotherâs friends who you have adopted as little siblings as well. Will and El are back so itâs good to see them finally have a normal life and school year.
You meet up with Robin as you two have lockers right beside each other. She sees you in your cheerleading uniform, white cardigan with a button that has Chrissyâs face on it. She doesnât want to bring it up, she knows youâre hurting.
âHey, how you holding up?,â She asks quietly. While you have been moving through life normally, you still havenât really been chatting much.
âIâm okay!! How are you?â You question, she looks exhausted, you all are. The school year ends in a few months so itâs crunch time.
âClasses are kicking my ass but Iâm hanging in there. We miss you, weâre going to Loverâs Lake after school for a bonfire if youâd like to come,â
You weigh your options, not knowing if you want to stay in with Eddie or go with them. You figured youâd take Eddieâs advice and hang out with your friends, heâd probably just go over Rickâs.
âI know the lake is still a sore spot but we figured we could give it a new history,â she adds.
âY-yeah,â you send a soft smile, âIâll be there after I stop by to see Chrissyâs family. Weâre having a memorial for her,â
âThatâs so sweet,â Robin gives you a hug and takes a deep breath, it seems like she needed this hug more than you did, âBe safe and weâll see you later okay? Weâll be at the lake at 6:30,â
âIâll be there,â
âââ
By the time lunch came you were finally able to see Eddie. You did tell Jonathan in third hour that you were going to sit with them at lunch but you hadnât seen Eddie since this morning. So, you took your lunch box and walked out to the clearing with the picnic table and he was sitting there, smiling at you.
Youâd never forget that smile, nor get sick of it.
âHey there, handsome,â you say softly as you walk closer.
âHey, sweets,â his big brown eyes looked at you like you hand painted all the stars in the universe.
âI packed your favorite,â you sat down and opened your lunchbox handing him a bologna sandwich with pickles, mustard and pepper Jack cheese. He thanks you and waits for you to get all of your lunch out before eating, he always waited for you to start eating before he did.
âChrissyâs memorial is tonight,â you tell him.
âYeah I heard. I donât know if I should go. Even though my name is cleared I feel awful,â
âItâs okay, baby. Itâs something small so donât feel pressured, okay?â You reached over to squeeze his hands to comfort him, this entire situation has been traumatizing for everyone but especially Eddie.
âRobin also invited us down to Loverâs Lake if you wanna come but I know you probably have some deals to make, itâs a Friday night,â
âYeah me and Rick have a party to deal to so it might take a while,â
âDonât worry if you canât make it. I donât think Iâm gonna stay long anyway,â
âYeah Iâll probably get up with Steve and tell him I canât make it,â
A comfortable silence fell between you two as the both of you ate. You were the first to finish, you hadnât eaten breakfast this morning because you overslept. Eddieâs arms are just too comfortable, so itâs safe to say you were hungry.
âI love you,â you let him know. Adoring his smile lines, his frizzy hair, his hands, everything about him. You wear your favorite ring of his 24/7. It was the skull one, you always played with his hands and thatâs the ring you gravitated to.
âI love you more,â he stared at you with this longing, like he missed you and never wanted to let go.
The two of you sat and talked for the remainder of lunch. Cracking jokes and talking about movies and conspiracy theories. It was always fun like this, until the bell rang.
âUgh, booooo,â you huff packing up your belongings and trash from lunch.
âItâs okay, weâre done with classes soon so itâs okay,â
âYeah yeahâ you pout. He kisses your poked out lip, pushing it back to its normal position and smiles against your lip.
âYouâre just too cute. Iâll see you at the memorial okay?â
âYouâre coming?!â You smile brightly. You know Chrissy would want him there.
âOf course. For you and for her,â
âââ
The memorial was emotional as expected. No one batted an eye that Eddie was there and that was a relief to both of you. You had talked to Chrissyâs mom, even though she wasnât the best mother, that was still her daughter that is no longer here. Your cheer team performed a routine in Chrissyâs honor and the basketball team was there too. It was a short gathering, you were glad you two went.
You miss Chrissy more than words can describe. You canât take anymore loss.
âAll right, sweets. I gotta go meet Rick okay?,â he helps you get in your car and gives you a soft kiss before whispering âIâll see ya later. Iâll even bring you a surprise,â
âWell now I canât wait,â you laughed. You sat and made sure he got in his car okay and then you both went your different ways, honking at each other and waving as you two went opposite directions.
You went home and had dinner with your family. You were quiet, still emotional after the memorial.
âYou okay, Y/N? Youâve been very quiet lately,â
âYeah dad, just⊠I lost my best friend a month ago today. Still fresh,â you mutter.
Lucas and Erica make eye contact that you donât notice. Talking without using their mouths, they understood thereâs more going on that youâre not talking about and theyâre trying to be patient with you.
âWeâre having a gathering at Loverâs Lake. I can take the kids to hang with their friends. Weâll be home by 9,â
â9?!â Lucas exasperates
âItâs a Friday, Y/N!,â Erica rolls her eyes.
âWell Iâll be leaving at 8:45. I donât want to stay out all night,â
âYeah cause all youâll do is sulk in your room about-,â
âLucas!â Your mom reacts, wide eyes and glaring at your brother.
âItâs fine,â you tell her shaking your head. Youâre not even hungry anymore, âBe ready by 6:15 if you guys are going,â
âââ
You couldnât really enjoy the night without Eddie there. You were hoping he was safe and not getting in any fights or robbed since heâs making deals tonight. You just want him by your side so you know heâs safe.
âEarth to Y/N!â Steve shouts. Youâve been doing that a lot lately and they never mention it, but best believe they notice it. Before all of this went down, you didnât zone out like that. They know zoning out here and there is normal, but itâs a constant state of mind for you when youâre around them.
âYeah?â You snap out of it and look to see him across from you. Once youâre brought back to focus, you can feel the heat of the fire on your face, you can hear the wind rustling the leaves, you can hear the water rippling, you can feel them staring at you with concern.
âHave you decided what youâre going to do after we graduate?,â
âGoing to California,â you deadpan. There was no doubt in your mind about it.
âCalifornia?,â Robin screeches, âWhen the hell were you going to tell us?â
âI just decided it,â you shrugged, âEddie always talks about going there and making it big. So Iâm going to try and make it big,â
All of their eyes soften at your words and you donât know why.
âYou can make it big here,â Mike adds.
âIâd crash and burn if I stayed here,â you answer. Sulking once again. Thinking about all of those who were unfortunate, unsuspecting victims to the dark secrets of Hawkins. You donât want to stay here anymore. You need to move out and move on. Itâs time.
âBut family is here,â Erica said. Sure she was a little brat but sheâd miss you if you left, because she knows if you did⊠youâd never come back.
âPain.. is here,â you looked to her and take a sip of your drink, getting up and walking to the edge of the lake, staring out at the moonlit water. Your mind flashed to that night. You, Eddie, Nancy, Steve and Robin diving in through the gate, you all fought tooth and nail to get out, fighting against the creatures that lived there, even through the final battle.
A shiver runs down your back at that thought. You all made it out but at what cost? Now you barely sleep, barely eat, barely talk. All of this left a stain on your soul and it wonât come off, itâll be there forever.
That ache will never leave.
âââ
For the next few days you avoid the others. You havenât been wanting to hangout, youâve been staying at home, locking yourself away from your siblings in your room, making the plans for California with Eddie.
Itâs been a week since youâve talked to any of them. Avoiding them in the halls, at lunch, after school- you havenât even muttered a word to Lucas or Erica, they were more worried now than ever.
Nancy and Robin always tried to invite you out to the movie or out for milkshakes but you always declined. Dustin always tried to come to you about science things and what not but youâd just tell him youâd catch him later. Max would try to tell you she was there and she understands the pain of losing someone and to not shut yourself away.
Youâre not shutting yourself away though, youâre just focusing on yourself and your relationship. Mike and Will always tried to get you to join them at Hellfire Club but you denied them that satisfaction, leaving that to be Eddieâs thing, you never did understand D&D much so you gave up a while ago. El would come to you about girly things but you wouldnât engage much. Steve and Jonathan always invited you to smoke but you didnât have time for that- you had plans to make.
So itâs been a week of torture for them. You ignoring them and when they are finally face to face with you itâs like you donât see them. They even invited you to Maxâs tonight for a horror movie marathon but you declined, youâve had enough jumpscares to last a lifetime.
So instead, said you couldnât make it and planned a movie night with Eddie at his trailer. Wayne would be at work and you have a spare key, Wayne telling you youâre welcome over at any time. You brought snacks and drinks and his favorite pizza, BBQ chicken.
What you donât know is that Steve sees your car pull up at Eddieâs trailer.
âWhatâs Y/N doing?â He asks aloud.
âSheâs not here what are you talking about?â Lucas questions.
âYeah because sheâs over at Eddieâs,â the other come join him in the kitchen to watch you through the window struggling with all the items in your hand. They can hear you talking, but⊠no one is home? They know what Wayneâs truck looks like and he left an hour ago.
âI got your favorites! and I got that new comedy movie you were talking about,â
They donât know who you were talking to and majority of them got a sinking feeling in their stomach.
On the other side of Eddieâs trailer though, he had his arms wrapped around your waist, smothering you in kisses and muttering I love yous and I miss yous.
âHahaha okay okay! Iâm excited to see you too, handsome,â you kiss him deeply and pull away, just smiling. You were so glad you had someone like him in your life.
You get everything set up and you and Eddie are talking about your day when you hear a knock on the door.
âYou expecting anyone?â You ask him as you walk to the door
âOnly you, thatâs it,â
You open the door and see the others staring at you with questioning eyes and skeptical looks. Looks of pity and looks of concern.
âHey what are you guys doing here?,â you smile brightly and move aside to let them in.
âWe were going to ask you the same thing,â Dustin says.
âWell,â you look around you, smiling at everything put together, âWeâre about to have a movie night!â
âWe?â Robin looks between all of you, âour movie night is at Maxâs,â
âNot us, silly. Me and Eddie,â you say and thatâs when the room gets eerily quiet.
âY/N,â Steve mutters your name as if itâs a warning.
âWhat?,â you ask, eyes wide as you lick the barbecue sauce off your finger.
You really arenât acknowledging it.
âYouâre serious?â He gives an airy chuckle, this isnât funny he just doesnât understand.
âYes! Eddie wanted to see this movie so weâre watching. Right babe?â You turn to him and he nods, âSee?â
âY/N⊠Eddie is gone,â Max steps forward but you move around them all to finish setting up. You got the drink and your cups, setting them on the table.
They notice the two plates, two cups, two drinks.
âWhy are you talking about him as if heâs not standing right here?!â You snap, âHe saved your lives have some respect,â
You never raise your voice at any of them but their attitudes are pissing you off.
âBecause heâs not,â Lucas says, âY/N, you need to snap out of it and realize this is an unhealthy coping mechanism. Eddie died a month ago,â
âShut up!,â you scoff, you werenât believing their words not when Eddie was standing right beside you.
âHe mattered time too,â Dustin stepped in, getting real close, âWhat youâre experiencing is called bereavement hallucinations,â
âWhat are you trying to say? That Iâm crazy?!â Youâre angry now. How dare they come in here, making space for themselves and hurl these words at you?!
All of them realize your anger is just masking you being in denial.
âNo, what Iâm saying is youâre grieving and youâre trying to keep yourself together and this is how youâre doing it⊠but itâs not helping. Itâs going to hurt you more in the long run,â
âHeâs standing right..,â you look and heâs not there, âEddie?â
Your voice cracks and you look around to look for him but heâs not there. You run to his bedroom calling his name, âEddie, where did you go?â You call out, sadness bleeding into your tone.
âHeâs here. H-heâs still here. This isnât funny!,â you shout as you enter the living room again.
âThis isnât some joke,â Lucas says softly. He can see you cracking around the edges. Reality was seeping into the cracks and dripping down into your perception. You were starting to see the truth. âYouâre my big sister, Y/N. I canât stand seeing you like this,â
You close your eyes and use emotional tape to heal those cracks. Then you hear his voice again.
âIâm right here, baby,â he whispers and you calm down again, wiping your tears.
âCan you tell them to leave? Theyâre ruining our movie night,â you plead, looking over your shoulder.
But thereâs no one there. Not for them to see. They were watching you talk to a wall and they didnât know how to handle it. Their dearest friend was falling apart at the seams and they canât do anything to make it instantly better.
âY/N seriously,â Erica softly begs, âyouâre scaring me⊠a-and Iâve seen some freaky shit,â
âGet out!!,â you scream, âEddie tell them to leave!â
âY/N⊠maybe you should listen to them,â Eddie says softly. Heâd been wanting to say this. This part of your conscience, has been wanting to say this.
You snap your head to him and your demeanor softens
âN-no! No theyâre ruining everything!,â
âEddie is gone,â Dustin says.
âNo,â
âHe died in the upside down. You were there. You held him in your arms,â Robin adds. She knows how all of this went. She found you with his lifeless body, you werenât even crying, you were just talking to him. Holding him.
âNo! Youâre lying! He made it out, heâs been here the whole timeâ
âEddie died shortly after Chrissy did,â Max says sadly, âYou stayed there with his body for two days. We thought you were gone too,â
âWhy are you guys lying? Why are you doing this to me?â
âBecause youâre hurting yourself with these illusions,â Robin comes forwards. Thereâs so many of them here. Too many and all you want is Eddie.
âNo,â you wrap your arms around yourself, the smell of his hoodie engulfing you, âW-we were just talking the other day about moving to California, starting a family a-and⊠and,â
You turn to Eddie and heâs there but⊠not fully. It looks like heâs disappearing and you start to dry heave.
âYou were there for his funeral. You wouldnât leave his tombstone,â Nancy speaks up.
Theyâre all trying to snap you out of it. It may seem harsh but youâre hurting more when youâre doing this to yourself.
âHe was just playing guitar for me!â You sob. Hands flying over your ears to shut them up.
âHe died saving us all, he died for you,â Mike interjects.
âHe wouldnât leave me,â you shake your head, glaring at Mike, you turn to Eddie and shake your head even harder, âYou wouldnât leave me,â
âItâs okay,â Eddie nods and it makes your chest hurt. You can barely keep yourself up, stumbling backwards.
âHe didnât leave to hurt you, Y/N. Heâs a hero. He saved us and I know it hurts but youâre going to be okay,â Steve comes forward and grabs your wrists, but you fall and slip through his grasp, clenching at your chest.
âNo! No! Shut up, shut up, SHUT THE FUCK UP!!â Voice hoarse, eyes burning with tears.
Eddie comes over and kneels down to be to your level, lifting your chin up and giving you the softest kiss ever. It was a goodbye kiss.
âItâs time,â he says.
The scream that you let out is one that shakes the trailer. He disappears before your eyes and youâre so lightheaded you feel as though you could pass out.
âEddiiiiiee!!!,â calling for him wouldnât work. He wouldnât answer. Youâre hyperventilating and youâre crying out his name.
âHey, hey, itâs okay. Itâs going to be okay!,â Lucas rushes to you and engulfs you in a hug but it doesnât help, itâs not Eddieâs touch.
âNo please! Pl-please. This.. this is some sick joke!â You push him off. He doesnât take offense though. Your fairytale world is crashing around you and the debris is suffocating you.
âHeâs still h-here. Heâs st-still here,â
âNo, Y/N⊠heâs gone,â Dustin cries. Dustin is crying because he knows the pain of losing Eddie. The others are crying because theyâre seeing their sister and loved one have a completely emotional breakdown and itâs hurting them to not be able to fix it.
âYouâre l-lying,â you spit. Youâre violently shaking, choking on your own saliva as you cry. Your body is aching as youâre finally allowing grief to consume your body.
âY/N.â El comes forward to console you even if it wouldnât 100% help.
âW-we weâre just talking about California⊠w-were sup-supposed to be Eddie and Y/N MunsonâŠâ
You held on tight to your brother as he rocked you, Erica holding your hand.
Heâs gone⊠heâs never coming back.
And itâs time to move forward.
âââ
You finished packing the last of Eddieâs things that you wanted to bring with you. The last few months have been hard and itâs been even more difficult to keep your head above water but you did it.
You did it for him.
You were heading to California. You made sure to spend as much time with everyone as possible, making up for lost time. You slammed the trunk to your car shut and put your sunglasses on. You double checked everything , making sure you had all the important things. Your money, your cards.
Your license⊠the new license that had your new name on it. Y/N Munson.
Even if he wasnât here, heâs still with you.
You pull out of the trailer park driving past the sign. You take one last look in your rear view mirror and see the apparition of Eddie Munson blowing you a kiss and slowly waving. A deep sob escapes your lips as you move your eyes from the mirror, focusing forward.
This is what he would want.
You have to embrace your pain, that is the only place you can truly heal and find growth.
âââââ
IM CRYIIING I CRIED WRITING THIS OMFG đ I probably wonât be doing a tag list for this so please reblog, comment and like!!!
I love you all and will be coming back full force very soon đ€
tags: @blackreaders-assemble @mbaku-babygirl @babybubastis @honeyjasminetea @warmchick @valentinevirgo @persephones24 @dumbchick @micki-smiles @here-for-your-bullshit @dayasvalkyrie @xye-weirdo @disaster-rose @dumbchickwrites @pastelastronomy24 @baphomet-wears-gucci @buckybarnesplumwhore @valkryienymph @mariahthelioness29 @taylortheeshowpony @alyssaj23 @endlesslymedusa @areubeingserved @9daykrisr @missdforever @bitchacho25 @ijustrepost @suchababie @queenoftheworldisdead @beautiful-loserr @the2daily4scoop @jin0 @smoothy-ve @oh-nohoney @sambucky8 @princess-toshii @sebbyslut @titty-teetee @ilovefanfic86 @topshopwhxre @berrybimbo
249 notes
·
View notes
Itâs Time
summary: itâs hard to accept the truth
pairings : eddie x Sinclair!reader
warnings: angst, grief, in denial about death, breaking down
a/n: I donât know if anyone did this concept for Eddie already but if they did Iâm not trying to copy anyone!đ€
ââââ
âHey, Y/N are you coming to Steveâs tonight?,â Dustin asked. Everyone has been tiptoeing around you since you all defeated Vecna and youâre not sure why. Sure some lives were lost but you still have Eddie and your little siblings and thatâs what matters most.
âUuuh I donât think so, I have some studying to do,â you give the freshman a smile, even with you smiling, Dustin looked at you like he had something to say, âIâll catch you all at lunch though, okay?â
âYeah!â He gave a weak smile and turned to walk over to his friends, seeing your younger brother.
âHow is she able to smile?,â
âI donât know, but Iâll take it as long as sheâs okay. She doesnât talk about that night,â Lucas shrugged, âLiterally the next day she woke up happy as ever asking Erica if they wanted to go on a shopping date,â
âWe all wear grief differently,â Max added in, âI drowned myself in music and isolation. At least sheâs trying to move forward and remain normal,â
Dustin frowned, knowing the pain youâre avoiding. He knows itâs going to build up and he doesnât want that for you. Dustin hasnât been able to sleep well since that night and everyone has just been able to move forward. He knows issues with the upside down have been a reoccurring issue, but something about this time around just stuck with him and no one else understands because theyâre in such a rush to move on and live normal lives.
âAvoiding grief isnât normal,â
âââ
âBaby why donât we go spend time with your friends?,â Eddie questioned. Mindlessly strumming his guitar, admiring the little frown you have on your face from focusing, âyouâve been studying super hard with no free time,â
âThe only free time I need is with you,â looking up at him and smiling, âI almost lost you that night,â
âYou almost lost all of us,â Eddie corrected.
âYeah but youâre the one I plan on spending the rest of my life with so that night solidified it that I need to be with you more, especially after your name was cleared,â
âThank God,â he huffed, setting his guitar back on the wall to come over to you, towering over you to give you a kiss on your cheek, âorange isnât my color and I donât think Iâd be able to survive not being with you all the time,â
âItâs okay, Iâd break you out,â you giggle and just stare at him. He looks much more tired than usual, everyone does but Eddie has been through a lot. Being blamed for murder, being in the run being attacked in the Upside Down and having to heal from that.
âCmon, letâs stop studying for tonight and go be with your friends,â he helped you stand up but you wrapped your arms around him bringing him down for a kiss.
âHow about we just stay in and talk about our plans to leave this hellhole,â
Eddie just smiled at you and you both got ready for bed, once you are, youâre wrapped in his arms and feel so safe.
âIâm thinking we should just go to California like you said before,â you started, right before all this Vecna bullshit you Eddie was actually starting to get the attention of record label executives and had many offers, he just couldnât figure out which deal to go for, then shit hit the fan.
But everything is fine now.
âWhy the change of heart?â
âI think weâll just thrive better there. You have your music, Iâll graduate with my cosmetology license so I donât have to go to college. We could be big out there, Eddie!â You signed dreamily.
âEddie and Y/N Munson. We could be big names in a big city,â you added. Eddie squeezed you tighter as you dreamed about your near future together.
âCalifornia it is. You sure youâre going to be able to leave this place behind? Your home?â
âHome is wherever you are, Eddieâ
âââ
Eddie had some deals to make and told you heâd meet you at school. When you pull up, Lucas wastes no time jumping out of the car to be with his friends and Erica jumped out walking over to her friends over at the middle school. Nancy pulled up beside you to drop Mike off and waved happily when she saw you. She hasnât seen you in a few days because you lock yourself away studying and spending time with Eddie.
You quickly get out of your car and get to her. She gets out and gives you a big hug, âIâve missed you!â She squeals.
âI miss you too! Sorry Iâve been busy studying for my cosmetology license so itâs been time consuming,â
She smiles and nods, happy that youâre at least keeping up with your grades in the midst of grief.
âTheyâre going to do a moment of silence for Chrissy today,â you let her know. She knows Chrissy was your best friend and she knows what itâs like to lose a best friend, so she empathizes, âItâs been a month since sheâs passedâ
âIâm glad theyâre doing that for her, Iâve seen the vigils for all those who were lost during that time. You let me know if you need anything okay? Any of us, weâre here,â
âI know, Nance and I love you guys for it. Iâll meet up with you guys after school,â
âSounds good, Iâll see you later,â
You two say your goodbyes and Nancy goes over to meet with Jonathan as you head into school, waving to your brotherâs friends who you have adopted as little siblings as well. Will and El are back so itâs good to see them finally have a normal life and school year.
You meet up with Robin as you two have lockers right beside each other. She sees you in your cheerleading uniform, white cardigan with a button that has Chrissyâs face on it. She doesnât want to bring it up, she knows youâre hurting.
âHey, how you holding up?,â She asks quietly. While you have been moving through life normally, you still havenât really been chatting much.
âIâm okay!! How are you?â You question, she looks exhausted, you all are. The school year ends in a few months so itâs crunch time.
âClasses are kicking my ass but Iâm hanging in there. We miss you, weâre going to Loverâs Lake after school for a bonfire if youâd like to come,â
You weigh your options, not knowing if you want to stay in with Eddie or go with them. You figured youâd take Eddieâs advice and hang out with your friends, heâd probably just go over Rickâs.
âI know the lake is still a sore spot but we figured we could give it a new history,â she adds.
âY-yeah,â you send a soft smile, âIâll be there after I stop by to see Chrissyâs family. Weâre having a memorial for her,â
âThatâs so sweet,â Robin gives you a hug and takes a deep breath, it seems like she needed this hug more than you did, âBe safe and weâll see you later okay? Weâll be at the lake at 6:30,â
âIâll be there,â
âââ
By the time lunch came you were finally able to see Eddie. You did tell Jonathan in third hour that you were going to sit with them at lunch but you hadnât seen Eddie since this morning. So, you took your lunch box and walked out to the clearing with the picnic table and he was sitting there, smiling at you.
Youâd never forget that smile, nor get sick of it.
âHey there, handsome,â you say softly as you walk closer.
âHey, sweets,â his big brown eyes looked at you like you hand painted all the stars in the universe.
âI packed your favorite,â you sat down and opened your lunchbox handing him a bologna sandwich with pickles, mustard and pepper Jack cheese. He thanks you and waits for you to get all of your lunch out before eating, he always waited for you to start eating before he did.
âChrissyâs memorial is tonight,â you tell him.
âYeah I heard. I donât know if I should go. Even though my name is cleared I feel awful,â
âItâs okay, baby. Itâs something small so donât feel pressured, okay?â You reached over to squeeze his hands to comfort him, this entire situation has been traumatizing for everyone but especially Eddie.
âRobin also invited us down to Loverâs Lake if you wanna come but I know you probably have some deals to make, itâs a Friday night,â
âYeah me and Rick have a party to deal to so it might take a while,â
âDonât worry if you canât make it. I donât think Iâm gonna stay long anyway,â
âYeah Iâll probably get up with Steve and tell him I canât make it,â
A comfortable silence fell between you two as the both of you ate. You were the first to finish, you hadnât eaten breakfast this morning because you overslept. Eddieâs arms are just too comfortable, so itâs safe to say you were hungry.
âI love you,â you let him know. Adoring his smile lines, his frizzy hair, his hands, everything about him. You wear your favorite ring of his 24/7. It was the skull one, you always played with his hands and thatâs the ring you gravitated to.
âI love you more,â he stared at you with this longing, like he missed you and never wanted to let go.
The two of you sat and talked for the remainder of lunch. Cracking jokes and talking about movies and conspiracy theories. It was always fun like this, until the bell rang.
âUgh, booooo,â you huff packing up your belongings and trash from lunch.
âItâs okay, weâre done with classes soon so itâs okay,â
âYeah yeahâ you pout. He kisses your poked out lip, pushing it back to its normal position and smiles against your lip.
âYouâre just too cute. Iâll see you at the memorial okay?â
âYouâre coming?!â You smile brightly. You know Chrissy would want him there.
âOf course. For you and for her,â
âââ
The memorial was emotional as expected. No one batted an eye that Eddie was there and that was a relief to both of you. You had talked to Chrissyâs mom, even though she wasnât the best mother, that was still her daughter that is no longer here. Your cheer team performed a routine in Chrissyâs honor and the basketball team was there too. It was a short gathering, you were glad you two went.
You miss Chrissy more than words can describe. You canât take anymore loss.
âAll right, sweets. I gotta go meet Rick okay?,â he helps you get in your car and gives you a soft kiss before whispering âIâll see ya later. Iâll even bring you a surprise,â
âWell now I canât wait,â you laughed. You sat and made sure he got in his car okay and then you both went your different ways, honking at each other and waving as you two went opposite directions.
You went home and had dinner with your family. You were quiet, still emotional after the memorial.
âYou okay, Y/N? Youâve been very quiet lately,â
âYeah dad, just⊠I lost my best friend a month ago today. Still fresh,â you mutter.
Lucas and Erica make eye contact that you donât notice. Talking without using their mouths, they understood thereâs more going on that youâre not talking about and theyâre trying to be patient with you.
âWeâre having a gathering at Loverâs Lake. I can take the kids to hang with their friends. Weâll be home by 9,â
â9?!â Lucas exasperates
âItâs a Friday, Y/N!,â Erica rolls her eyes.
âWell Iâll be leaving at 8:45. I donât want to stay out all night,â
âYeah cause all youâll do is sulk in your room about-,â
âLucas!â Your mom reacts, wide eyes and glaring at your brother.
âItâs fine,â you tell her shaking your head. Youâre not even hungry anymore, âBe ready by 6:15 if you guys are going,â
âââ
You couldnât really enjoy the night without Eddie there. You were hoping he was safe and not getting in any fights or robbed since heâs making deals tonight. You just want him by your side so you know heâs safe.
âEarth to Y/N!â Steve shouts. Youâve been doing that a lot lately and they never mention it, but best believe they notice it. Before all of this went down, you didnât zone out like that. They know zoning out here and there is normal, but itâs a constant state of mind for you when youâre around them.
âYeah?â You snap out of it and look to see him across from you. Once youâre brought back to focus, you can feel the heat of the fire on your face, you can hear the wind rustling the leaves, you can hear the water rippling, you can feel them staring at you with concern.
âHave you decided what youâre going to do after we graduate?,â
âGoing to California,â you deadpan. There was no doubt in your mind about it.
âCalifornia?,â Robin screeches, âWhen the hell were you going to tell us?â
âI just decided it,â you shrugged, âEddie always talks about going there and making it big. So Iâm going to try and make it big,â
All of their eyes soften at your words and you donât know why.
âYou can make it big here,â Mike adds.
âIâd crash and burn if I stayed here,â you answer. Sulking once again. Thinking about all of those who were unfortunate, unsuspecting victims to the dark secrets of Hawkins. You donât want to stay here anymore. You need to move out and move on. Itâs time.
âBut family is here,â Erica said. Sure she was a little brat but sheâd miss you if you left, because she knows if you did⊠youâd never come back.
âPain.. is here,â you looked to her and take a sip of your drink, getting up and walking to the edge of the lake, staring out at the moonlit water. Your mind flashed to that night. You, Eddie, Nancy, Steve and Robin diving in through the gate, you all fought tooth and nail to get out, fighting against the creatures that lived there, even through the final battle.
A shiver runs down your back at that thought. You all made it out but at what cost? Now you barely sleep, barely eat, barely talk. All of this left a stain on your soul and it wonât come off, itâll be there forever.
That ache will never leave.
âââ
For the next few days you avoid the others. You havenât been wanting to hangout, youâve been staying at home, locking yourself away from your siblings in your room, making the plans for California with Eddie.
Itâs been a week since youâve talked to any of them. Avoiding them in the halls, at lunch, after school- you havenât even muttered a word to Lucas or Erica, they were more worried now than ever.
Nancy and Robin always tried to invite you out to the movie or out for milkshakes but you always declined. Dustin always tried to come to you about science things and what not but youâd just tell him youâd catch him later. Max would try to tell you she was there and she understands the pain of losing someone and to not shut yourself away.
Youâre not shutting yourself away though, youâre just focusing on yourself and your relationship. Mike and Will always tried to get you to join them at Hellfire Club but you denied them that satisfaction, leaving that to be Eddieâs thing, you never did understand D&D much so you gave up a while ago. El would come to you about girly things but you wouldnât engage much. Steve and Jonathan always invited you to smoke but you didnât have time for that- you had plans to make.
So itâs been a week of torture for them. You ignoring them and when they are finally face to face with you itâs like you donât see them. They even invited you to Maxâs tonight for a horror movie marathon but you declined, youâve had enough jumpscares to last a lifetime.
So instead, said you couldnât make it and planned a movie night with Eddie at his trailer. Wayne would be at work and you have a spare key, Wayne telling you youâre welcome over at any time. You brought snacks and drinks and his favorite pizza, BBQ chicken.
What you donât know is that Steve sees your car pull up at Eddieâs trailer.
âWhatâs Y/N doing?â He asks aloud.
âSheâs not here what are you talking about?â Lucas questions.
âYeah because sheâs over at Eddieâs,â the other come join him in the kitchen to watch you through the window struggling with all the items in your hand. They can hear you talking, but⊠no one is home? They know what Wayneâs truck looks like and he left an hour ago.
âI got your favorites! and I got that new comedy movie you were talking about,â
They donât know who you were talking to and majority of them got a sinking feeling in their stomach.
On the other side of Eddieâs trailer though, he had his arms wrapped around your waist, smothering you in kisses and muttering I love yous and I miss yous.
âHahaha okay okay! Iâm excited to see you too, handsome,â you kiss him deeply and pull away, just smiling. You were so glad you had someone like him in your life.
You get everything set up and you and Eddie are talking about your day when you hear a knock on the door.
âYou expecting anyone?â You ask him as you walk to the door
âOnly you, thatâs it,â
You open the door and see the others staring at you with questioning eyes and skeptical looks. Looks of pity and looks of concern.
âHey what are you guys doing here?,â you smile brightly and move aside to let them in.
âWe were going to ask you the same thing,â Dustin says.
âWell,â you look around you, smiling at everything put together, âWeâre about to have a movie night!â
âWe?â Robin looks between all of you, âour movie night is at Maxâs,â
âNot us, silly. Me and Eddie,â you say and thatâs when the room gets eerily quiet.
âY/N,â Steve mutters your name as if itâs a warning.
âWhat?,â you ask, eyes wide as you lick the barbecue sauce off your finger.
You really arenât acknowledging it.
âYouâre serious?â He gives an airy chuckle, this isnât funny he just doesnât understand.
âYes! Eddie wanted to see this movie so weâre watching. Right babe?â You turn to him and he nods, âSee?â
âY/N⊠Eddie is gone,â Max steps forward but you move around them all to finish setting up. You got the drink and your cups, setting them on the table.
They notice the two plates, two cups, two drinks.
âWhy are you talking about him as if heâs not standing right here?!â You snap, âHe saved your lives have some respect,â
You never raise your voice at any of them but their attitudes are pissing you off.
âBecause heâs not,â Lucas says, âY/N, you need to snap out of it and realize this is an unhealthy coping mechanism. Eddie died a month ago,â
âShut up!,â you scoff, you werenât believing their words not when Eddie was standing right beside you.
âHe mattered time too,â Dustin stepped in, getting real close, âWhat youâre experiencing is called bereavement hallucinations,â
âWhat are you trying to say? That Iâm crazy?!â Youâre angry now. How dare they come in here, making space for themselves and hurl these words at you?!
All of them realize your anger is just masking you being in denial.
âNo, what Iâm saying is youâre grieving and youâre trying to keep yourself together and this is how youâre doing it⊠but itâs not helping. Itâs going to hurt you more in the long run,â
âHeâs standing right..,â you look and heâs not there, âEddie?â
Your voice cracks and you look around to look for him but heâs not there. You run to his bedroom calling his name, âEddie, where did you go?â You call out, sadness bleeding into your tone.
âHeâs here. H-heâs still here. This isnât funny!,â you shout as you enter the living room again.
âThis isnât some joke,â Lucas says softly. He can see you cracking around the edges. Reality was seeping into the cracks and dripping down into your perception. You were starting to see the truth. âYouâre my big sister, Y/N. I canât stand seeing you like this,â
You close your eyes and use emotional tape to heal those cracks. Then you hear his voice again.
âIâm right here, baby,â he whispers and you calm down again, wiping your tears.
âCan you tell them to leave? Theyâre ruining our movie night,â you plead, looking over your shoulder.
But thereâs no one there. Not for them to see. They were watching you talk to a wall and they didnât know how to handle it. Their dearest friend was falling apart at the seams and they canât do anything to make it instantly better.
âY/N seriously,â Erica softly begs, âyouâre scaring me⊠a-and Iâve seen some freaky shit,â
âGet out!!,â you scream, âEddie tell them to leave!â
âY/N⊠maybe you should listen to them,â Eddie says softly. Heâd been wanting to say this. This part of your conscience, has been wanting to say this.
You snap your head to him and your demeanor softens
âN-no! No theyâre ruining everything!,â
âEddie is gone,â Dustin says.
âNo,â
âHe died in the upside down. You were there. You held him in your arms,â Robin adds. She knows how all of this went. She found you with his lifeless body, you werenât even crying, you were just talking to him. Holding him.
âNo! Youâre lying! He made it out, heâs been here the whole timeâ
âEddie died shortly after Chrissy did,â Max says sadly, âYou stayed there with his body for two days. We thought you were gone too,â
âWhy are you guys lying? Why are you doing this to me?â
âBecause youâre hurting yourself with these illusions,â Robin comes forwards. Thereâs so many of them here. Too many and all you want is Eddie.
âNo,â you wrap your arms around yourself, the smell of his hoodie engulfing you, âW-we were just talking the other day about moving to California, starting a family a-and⊠and,â
You turn to Eddie and heâs there but⊠not fully. It looks like heâs disappearing and you start to dry heave.
âYou were there for his funeral. You wouldnât leave his tombstone,â Nancy speaks up.
Theyâre all trying to snap you out of it. It may seem harsh but youâre hurting more when youâre doing this to yourself.
âHe was just playing guitar for me!â You sob. Hands flying over your ears to shut them up.
âHe died saving us all, he died for you,â Mike interjects.
âHe wouldnât leave me,â you shake your head, glaring at Mike, you turn to Eddie and shake your head even harder, âYou wouldnât leave me,â
âItâs okay,â Eddie nods and it makes your chest hurt. You can barely keep yourself up, stumbling backwards.
âHe didnât leave to hurt you, Y/N. Heâs a hero. He saved us and I know it hurts but youâre going to be okay,â Steve comes forward and grabs your wrists, but you fall and slip through his grasp, clenching at your chest.
âNo! No! Shut up, shut up, SHUT THE FUCK UP!!â Voice hoarse, eyes burning with tears.
Eddie comes over and kneels down to be to your level, lifting your chin up and giving you the softest kiss ever. It was a goodbye kiss.
âItâs time,â he says.
The scream that you let out is one that shakes the trailer. He disappears before your eyes and youâre so lightheaded you feel as though you could pass out.
âEddiiiiiee!!!,â calling for him wouldnât work. He wouldnât answer. Youâre hyperventilating and youâre crying out his name.
âHey, hey, itâs okay. Itâs going to be okay!,â Lucas rushes to you and engulfs you in a hug but it doesnât help, itâs not Eddieâs touch.
âNo please! Pl-please. This.. this is some sick joke!â You push him off. He doesnât take offense though. Your fairytale world is crashing around you and the debris is suffocating you.
âHeâs still h-here. Heâs st-still here,â
âNo, Y/N⊠heâs gone,â Dustin cries. Dustin is crying because he knows the pain of losing Eddie. The others are crying because theyâre seeing their sister and loved one have a completely emotional breakdown and itâs hurting them to not be able to fix it.
âYouâre l-lying,â you spit. Youâre violently shaking, choking on your own saliva as you cry. Your body is aching as youâre finally allowing grief to consume your body.
âY/N.â El comes forward to console you even if it wouldnât 100% help.
âW-we weâre just talking about California⊠w-were sup-supposed to be Eddie and Y/N MunsonâŠâ
You held on tight to your brother as he rocked you, Erica holding your hand.
Heâs gone⊠heâs never coming back.
And itâs time to move forward.
âââ
You finished packing the last of Eddieâs things that you wanted to bring with you. The last few months have been hard and itâs been even more difficult to keep your head above water but you did it.
You did it for him.
You were heading to California. You made sure to spend as much time with everyone as possible, making up for lost time. You slammed the trunk to your car shut and put your sunglasses on. You double checked everything , making sure you had all the important things. Your money, your cards.
Your license⊠the new license that had your new name on it. Y/N Munson.
Even if he wasnât here, heâs still with you.
You pull out of the trailer park driving past the sign. You take one last look in your rear view mirror and see the apparition of Eddie Munson blowing you a kiss and slowly waving. A deep sob escapes your lips as you move your eyes from the mirror, focusing forward.
This is what he would want.
You have to embrace your pain, that is the only place you can truly heal and find growth.
âââââ
IM CRYIIING I CRIED WRITING THIS OMFG đ I probably wonât be doing a tag list for this so please reblog, comment and like!!!
I love you all and will be coming back full force very soon đ€
tags: @blackreaders-assemble @mbaku-babygirl @babybubastis @honeyjasminetea @warmchick @valentinevirgo @persephones24 @dumbchick @micki-smiles @here-for-your-bullshit @dayasvalkyrie @xye-weirdo @disaster-rose @dumbchickwrites @pastelastronomy24 @baphomet-wears-gucci @buckybarnesplumwhore @valkryienymph @mariahthelioness29 @taylortheeshowpony @alyssaj23 @endlesslymedusa @areubeingserved @9daykrisr @missdforever @bitchacho25 @ijustrepost @suchababie @queenoftheworldisdead @beautiful-loserr @the2daily4scoop @jin0 @smoothy-ve @oh-nohoney @sambucky8 @princess-toshii @sebbyslut @titty-teetee @ilovefanfic86 @topshopwhxre @berrybimbo
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THANK YOU SO MUCH! The series is almost complete, you can find my masterlist for it a few posts down. Itâs titled âListening Party Masterlistââ€ïžđ„°
front row seats
part two to listening party - please read warnings before continuing to read, donât read if any of those warnings bother you.
summary: why listen when they can just watch? and maybe even... participate?
pairing: bruce x black!reader (18+ as always), avengers x black!reader 18+
wc: 3k (did this on mobile so sorry for no âkeep readingâ tan)
warnings: NASTY NASTY NASTY!! Please be 18+!! age gap, exhibitionism (fuckin in front of the team), voyeurism (the team watching you get fucked), creampie yet again, crying kink again (bc iâm a submissive whore and love it when ppl make me cry during sex), choking, daddy kink, crude language, squirting, masturbation, rough sex, subspace, toe sucking (not a fan of it but wanted to try writing it lmao), oral (male and female both receiving), anal play, orgy tendencies
a/n: just noticed i reached 3000+?! wow, it still amazes me that i even have followers at all and lovely people who appreciate my work. i hope yâall know i mean it when i say i love yâall bc youâre encouraging a passion of mine, thank you so much!
âââââââ
âOkay but before you head off to fuck the night away...can we watch this time?,â Tony was not afraid to be blunt. He said what everyone else was thinking
âTony, you canât just ask people to watch them go at it!.â Steve was completely appalled by Tonyâs actions but he was hoping deep down you and Bruce said yes
âWell everyoneâs thinking it! My âlistening partyâ file is filling up. I demand front row seats,â
âOkay.â You and Bruce look at each other and just shrug. Theyâve heard enough to make a whole playlist- might as well give them a mental visual download.
Samâs eyes widen and he sits up straight in his chair, âWoah, seriously?,â
âWeâre comfortable enough with ourselves to put on a show,â Bruceâs hand rubbed circles on your back which had you leaning into him.
Bucky was the first to stand up, rubbing his hands together, ready to get this show on the road. âWell slather butter on my ass and call me a turkey, this is great!,â
You snickered and shook your head, taking Bruceâs hand to lead him to the bedroom, âBarnes, donât ever say that again,â
âââââ
âBut I want that seat!,â
âNo, I sat here first!,â
âNatasha, mooooove,â Tony stomped his foot like a child before just deciding to take the chair from under her and sitting in it. This would give him a perfect view of all angles.
âIâm gonna find your listening file and delete it all!,â
âYou wouldnât dare!,â
âWould yâall sit down and shut up!,â Sam had taken a seat by the window that way heâd have a good side profile view of you. Thor sat with a beer in his hand beside Wanda at the left corner of the bed, Bucky and Steve sat beside each other by the closet, they were farthest away, but the view was still perfect, Natasha, Clint and Tony sat at the foot of the bed, lined up like three musketeers.
The bickering stopped when they heard a sweet whimper fall past your lips. Your back was against Bruceâs chest and you held a body wand against your sensitive clit, Bruce kissing your shoulders and neck while twisting, pinching and tugging your nipples.
âWant you to get your pussy nice and wet for everyone, okay dove?,â
Your hips buck up into the head of the wand as you turned the vibrations up, ây-yes Daddy,â
âOh she kills me with that,â Tony sighs to himself. If only you were calling him that. Tony wanted you so bad, more than anyone else if he did say so himself.
âKeep playing with that pussy, baby. Get yourself all slippery and creamy for us,â
Your hands shook as the realization hit that you were actually being watched. It not only terrified you but turned you on all in the same breath.
âOh sheâs about cum already, I can smell it on her. Itâs delicious,â Thor takes a swig from his beer and cleared his throat while his eyes remained glued to your glistening heat.
âIs he right, dove? You about to cum?,â Bruce pinched your nipples harder making your moans fall on their ears like a beautiful symphony.
âGonna cum,â you confirm.
He flicked the switch higher and your legs shook harder as you fought your body to keep the wand against your clit. You were easily overstimulated but you loved it due to the euphoria subspace brings in the midst of it.
âGonna be a good girl and show them how cute you look when you cum?,â
Everyone was still surprised with the way Bruce talked to you. So encouraging yet sweetly nasty.
They all had their eyes glued on you. Not sure whether to keep their eyes on your pussy or your facial expressions, an internal conflict they all had to fight because both were sinfully enticing.
Bruceâs hands pin your thighs down as you threw the toy to the side once you started to cum. Their jaws dropped when they saw gushes of clear fluid coming from you. Your body convulsing as gush after gush came. Squirting right at the foot of the bed where the three sat.
âOh Jesus,â Sam whispered to himself
âThis... is why I wanted a front row seat,â Tony pointed to the wetness on your comforter.
âI can die happy after seeing that,â Wanda whimpered.
Right along with Wanda, you whimpered as well as Bruce wrapped a hand around your throat and fingers entering your soaking pussy. The wetness was explicit as it made sloppy noises while he finger fucked you. You couldnât catch your breath with him choking you, you didnât want to.
âHarder, Daddy!,â wanting it all. You moved against his fingers and clasped your hands over his to get him to squeeze your throat harder. You wanted your pulse to pound like ceremonial drums.
Steve was entranced with the way your eyes fluttered. So genuine and overtaken with pleasure, he watched the way your little toes curled, you were about to cum again.
âWho wants to finish her off?,â
âMe!,â Thor shot straight up and moved across the bed. Everyone groaning at themselves for being too enthralled in you to realize what Bruce asked.
He removed his fingers and held them to his side
âCan I taste her then?,â Wanda asked, eyeing Bruceâs dripping fingers, she was parched and only you could quench her thirst.
Thor pushed two of his thick fingers deep in you. Seemingly already knowing how to make you explode.
âYouâre so warm,â Thor sighed to himself. Tony was jealous. He wanted to touch you or taste you. Hell all of them did, but Tony? He was willing to fight for it, as childish as that might seem. You were like a siren and he was a sailor falling for your song.
Thor moved to the side so everyone could see him pushing you to the edge. Wanda looked you right in your eyes as she sucked you off Bruceâs fingers and it happened again, your eyes couldnât stay open, it sounded like you had water in your ears as you let out a moan that could put wolves howling at the moon to shame.
âYes, Donât stop, little dove,â Thor encouraged. You were about to clamp your thighs shut but Bruce wasnât having it.
âBe a good girl and keep that pussy on display,â
Tears began running down your cheeks already, a little smile showing on your lips as you began coming down.
âSheâs a cryer? Theyâre my favorite,â Clint groaned to himself. He loved pushing his lovers the edge of ecstasy, he loved pushing them over that hill to get their minds blank, cumming so hard they cry.
He wanted to make you cry.
Thor retracted from you but not before placing a kiss on your cheek, âYou really are a good girl,â
He took his seat by Wanda and sucked on a finger to experience your essence. It was like drinking sweet, refreshing cranberry juice on a hot day. He let Wanda suck you off his other finger and you shook at the actions.
You didnât have time to comprehend it though before Bruce moved from behind you to position himself between your legs, knelt at the foot of the bed, right at Tonyâs feet. Bruce pulled you closer until his nose nudged your clit and he laced his fingers with yours.
âYou hungry?,â You teased. Bruce was a sucker for eating you out. He made sure to every time, he relished in your taste.
âAlways,â you felt his wet warm tongue graze your clit and your nails dug into his hands. You were dripping, two orgasms prior, you couldnât help it. Your legs were raised and toes curled as he buried his face in you.
Your toes brushed Tonyâs legs and it sent blood rushing to the head of his cock. Your coral painted toes looked beautiful against your brown skin. He took your foot in his hand and massaged it watching you before taking his next bold step and sucking your first two toes in his mouth.
Your breath hitched and you sat up on your elbows, eyes wide, watching him suck on your toes like a fudge pop before it melted. It was a sensation you never felt before but damn it had you giving Bruce more arousal suck up.
âDaddy you eat my pussy so. fucking. gooood!,â your head fell back against the bed and you fucked yourself onto his tongue, âEspecially while Daddy Tony sucks on my toes,â
Bruce has no idea what was going on behind his back but he gauged your reaction, realizing you must like whatever his best friend is doing to you, even if itâs new.
Tony kisses up and down your calf while massaging the soles of your foot. You were pushed to another orgasm when Bruce sucked and nipped at your clit and Tony sucked your pretty, clean toes back in his mouth. You looked him right in the eyes as you came. More tears rushing to your eyes and falling down your hot cheeks as you came with a loud cry.
âFuck!,â youâre left panting and dazed. Bruce crawls over you and kisses the shell of your ear before whispering,
âBeen dying to see you get sloppy while sucking another cock... so pick one,â
Youâre in shock. This went from everyone wanting to watch to everyone getting a go at you. But hey, you werenât complaining. Not like they all werenât pining after you.
âSammy,â you huff in a confident breath, âI want Sammy,â you said loudly.
He heard his name and his eyes widened like deer in head lights, âSammy what?,â
âI want you to fuck my mouth,â
âYou sure?,â
He knew you and Bruce didnât have a label but shit you might as well. He didnât want to cross boundaries.
âI let a literal God finger fuck her and Tony sucked her toes,â Bruce sat up off the bed and motioned for Sam to take his spot. He undid his pants in a flash and you got right to business. Your face in his lap, ass up in the air, everyone wanted to either eat you or fuck you.
âNat?,â Bruce said from behind her. She didnât even look at him, she was too into the way you were gagging, too into the way spit dripped down your chin. Sam was having a field day and he was about to cum easily.
âYeah?.â
âGo ahead and get a taste,â
She crawled on the bed toward your waiting pussy, your inner thighs were shiny from your pussy dripping cum. You felt her tongue on your thighs and it was much softer than Bruceâs, it tickled almost. She moved her tongue against like you were a melting scoop of ice cream ready to fall off the cone.
Then she went for the gold and it had you gagging more on Sam, he didnât even have time to warn you that he was cumming. He felt bad that it shot straight down your throat but you swallowed it welcomly. You could tell he had a balanced diet just by the taste and you loved it.
Natasha position herself right under you so you were sitting on her face. You were so caught up in the feeling of her tongue that you didnât even hear Bruce tell Bucky to get a taste too. Bucky was a major ass kinda guy. Everyone knew he loved your ass, so it didnât surprise anyone when he straddled Natasha amd his tongue met hers as he licked from your clit all the way to your ass.
âYou guys are killing me,â you had your head hung low and a pillow clenched tight in your fists. Sam finally stood up, his legs still feeling like jelly, went back to his chair to enjoy you lose your sanity.
âShe likes sucking fingers, do your best,â he slapped Steve on the shoulder and when you felt his strong hand gripping your face you fell apart.
âOpen up, dove,â
You followed the Captainâs rules and happily sucked his thumb while he palmed himself through his lounge pants. He loved the way your lips wrapped around his finger. Sucking like your life depended on it. Then he removed his thumb and thrusted his middle and finger in, making you gag just to see those pretty tears. Your gagging caused your walls to tremble around Natashaâs fingers and the way she moaned against you had you leaning into Steveâs fingers more. Then you felt a cool, slick metal finger push through your tight ring of muscle and it had you rearing back from Steveâs fingers to face plants in a pillow as you cum again.
âOh keep cumming for me, Dove,â Nat didnât hesitate to slurp you up like the last remaining bit of a slushee. Buckyâs finger felt so good in you and he kissed your cheeks. Your body fell limp and everyone pulled back from you.
âDaddy I need you,â you really just needed him in your guts right now.
Bruce realized the only one who didnât get anything out of you was Clint, but in all honestly Clint was fine with just watching right now, another chance would arise.
Bruce came back over to you cradling your body in his before moving you on your hands and knees so you faced the team.
âYou okay? Whatâs your color?,â his hands soothes over your hot body and he easily calmed you down.
âHot pink,â
Hot pink meant you were great and right on the edge of subspace. You felt the tip of his cock brush against your clit, collecting some of your juices on him.
âFuck, look at you. You like it when I let the team have turns with you knowing theyâve been wanting you?,â
He didnât even let you answer before plunging in deep. A deep gasp from you filled the room.
âYou liked feeling someone elseâs mouth on your pussy? Someone elseâs finger in your ass, dove?,â
âOh my God,â You bit your lip and let your head fall on the bed until you felt someoneâs hand lift your face. It was Tony.
âBe a good girl for us and keep that head up, yeah?,â
âAnswer him,â Steve commented
âY-Yes yes!!,â
Wave after wave of tingles had your stomach coiling as Bruce had your hips in a tight grip, getting as deep as he can. He was so deep he hit your cervix, it hurt a bit, but it was a good hurt that had you ready to cum and maybe black out from so many orgasms.
âYou liked having another heavy dick in your throat didnât you? You liked feeling a Godâs fingers deep in your greedy cunt didnât you, dove? You love people relishing in your fucking taste? Huh? Is that why youâre so fucking soaked for daddy?,â
Your vision was a blur of tears, Tony moved his hand to your throat and squeezed, making you gasp. He loved feeling like he had power, âAnswer your daddy,â
âYes, yes I love it!,â your squeal echoes in the room and You have everyone either clenching their thighs or palming themselves to the point of blowing one.
âOh, oh God, Daddy harder, I need it harder,â you begged, body ready to fall limp. You never could trust your strength in this moment because you did fall limp and Bruce laid right into you, fingers finding their way into your hair as he tugged.
âC-Clint,â you called out for him, âSmack me, please,â
Tony scooted back so Clint could kneel in front of you like a knight to a Queen.
âYouâre so fucking pretty when you cry and beg,â he whispered, holding your cheek so gently but the slap he delivered didnât match at all.
âM-more!,â
âSheâs deep in it now,â Wanda whines, she could always tell when you were in subspace. Each time Clint slapped you, your pussy clenched Bruce tight, ready to milk him dry.
âFuck, dove,â Bruce keeled into your ear, âYouâre gonna make me cum baby,â
Bruce kissed all over your shoulders, spread your legs wide so he could see your pussy taking him in, he loved the way your ass cheeks and thick thighs rippled with each thrust he made.
âYou let them touch you but whose good girl are you?,â
âYours, Daddy. Only yours!,â you sobbed, âonly your good girl, daddy,â hiccuping and ready to cum.
âCum for me baby, be a good girl and let go,â
He kissed your wet cheek softly and for some reason that action pushed you over the edge.
You raise up in your palms and rear your ass back against him to hold him perfectly at that angle. The team shivers at the way your eyes roll back into your head, it puts a demon possession to shame. Youâre whining and whimpering and shivering.
âI want you to cum in me, daddy. Pl-please,â you groan as he spanks your ass. He flips you over and pins your hands by your head. Your mouth is wide open in a silent scream as you see his eyes and neck turning green.
It should scare you, but it just has you opening your legs wider.
âYes daddy!! Donât stop, donât stop, please donât stop,â
He just about hulks out as he cums with a sexy roar that almost deafens you. Youâre staring up at him with a teary smile until you cover your face and let out a wail.
âFuck! Th-thank you so much,â
He removed your hands from your face and kisses your tears away. Loving the salty taste they leave on his lips, âyouâre such a good girl.â He calms you down with sweet words and a nice bath while the others set his room up the way it was before. He soothes you into a nap and goes to find the others once he hears your gentle snores.
âMy glasses recorded everything, can I keep it or is that too much,â Tony sat with a glass of scotch and a bulge in his pants.
âThatâs a Y/N question,â he shrugs, âSheâll probably want to watch it with you,â
The others still sit around dazed that all of that really happened. Samâs legs are still twitching, Natasha, Thor, Bucky and Wanda can still taste you on their tongues and they can only hope to get more.
âHow would you feel about...,â Clint shrugged, âEach of us having our own little solo fun with little dove?,â
ââââââââ
should i make a listening party series where everyone gets their turn?đ lmk please
PLEASE COMMENT AND REBLOG!!!
tags- @blackreaders-assemble @vozit @yournonlocalpoc @retroxvailles @xye-weirdo @spideys-wife @here-for-your-bullshit @crawlingnightmares @hisxblackxqueen @dumbchick @warmchick @valentinevirgo @veryhellshdia @chonisberonica @mbaku-babygirl @kamahriii @siriuslycollins @eratotalles @motherhyuckerdude @valkyriesnymph @valynsia @the-carter-mob-don @blackmissfrizzle @flowersbound @zombz78 @beautifulbashfulblackqueen @prettyjewel93 @freddiedijon @michaels-endtime
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Hi! I was wondering if you can tag me in the next part of the listening party series. (Only if you want to) I came across Wandaâs part first and then I went to your Masterlist to find the other parts. It was stressful but I managed and I canât wait for whosever next!
The series frl got me like:
OF COOOUUUURSE! Thank you for your support! Iâm hoping it wonât be too much longer on Steveâs part! I started this series over a year ago and things just keep getting in the way to slow down completion đ
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YES I WILL! đ„° Steveâs part is in the works! Iâm currently moving and have two jobs one of which Iâm a manager so sitting down to finish it has been hard and Iâm so sorry for the delay!đâ€ïž
Listening Party Masterlist
MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!! THIS IS AN 18+ BLOG!
Yes, I know⊠Finally, right? I figured putting each individual part on my regular masterlist would be okay but I suppose not. So, since plenty have asked, here is a Listening Party Masterlist.
For those who are new to this series. It is a Bruce x black!reader series where they are together and him and reader both allow everyone to take turns with her (everything is consensual). There are different kinks involved so please make sure to read the warnings on each part, thank you!
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Keep reading
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