#so many people. my mom made a huge impact on the school system. so many ppl relied on her. she encouraged at least 2 ppl to get their | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

emersonfreepress · 3 years

Note

okay so is there content that you had planned for the ROs and story in general but then scrapped cause there wasn’t a good place in the story to stick it in? and if so, can you share what it was? 👀 👀 👀

yes, definitely. *rubs hands together* oh man, you done asked THE question today xD I can't wait to get into this 😁

Academics. I almost decided to have classes and grades be a minor part of gameplay, but the more time I spent designing it the more I realized I wanted nothing to do with it 😂 I haven’t really enjoyed academic gameplay in other interactive fiction because I 1) hate having to choose between studying and interacting with awesome characters, 2) have terrible short term memory, and 3) hate school in general!! So instead I just opted to have the MC be really good at school, point blank period so I could focus on social drama and relationships instead! 😆

Physical skills. I spent literal months crafting the catering scene around setting up stats for stamina/endurance, dexterity, and strength instead of just magnetism, confidence, and persuasion. They had their own backstories with the MC’s parents being overly invested sports parents instead and I think the background choices were like... martial arts, gymnastics, and track? But yeah, I ended up scrapping it all because I was spending hours on research about those individual sports so I could integrate them into the MC’s narrative organically but like... when I tried to think of what use they would be in the actual story, I came up blank. Best decision yet, esp since it means a lot less coding!

Skin tone customization. For one, I noticed that a lot of my favorite IFs don’t offer that customization and it hasn’t impacted my experience at all. For two, I originally realized I might as well not implement it since I am striving real hard not to introduce any customization that won’t actually be mentioned in interesting or meaningful ways in-story. I don’t think it’s really all that common for real life friends (esp in high school?) to comment or compliment each other’s skin and like... when it comes from someone who doesn’t share a similar complexion or ethnic background, that type of commentary gets... d i c e y. So then I wanted to be sensitive to that but what’s the pay-off? An RO mentioning how they love your skin tone once? Awkward sentences with the MC referring to their own skin color? Idk, just wasn’t vibing with it. I’m open to revisiting it in beta or something but for now it’s scrapped.

Singing, Rapping, and Gaming as Hobbies/Talents. I feel bad about scrapping these, honestly 😂 They’re great and I really wanted to incorporate them but it just came down to already having a lot of stuff to code. Plus, I know I can write the Hobbies/Talents I stuck with far better. And for Book 2 purposes, as well!

Leo. as @sourandflightypeaches asked me about a long while ago, I had to scrap an entire RO 😢 His name is Leo, he was the nephew of wealthy west African diplomats residing in Emerson, and I love him dearly! His backstory was largely based on my mother’s childhood and the circumstances she lived through after immigrating to America. and... ok, i’m about to go on one hell of a tangent so buckle up and bear with me if you can 😅

my intention with this story, aside from writing things that I personally enjoy (graphic violence, spooky woods, social drama, romance, conspiracies 😚), is to explore greed, wealth, and how the ways people and families interact with those two things influence young people and who they grow up to be. here i go sounding pretentious af 😝 and here’s where I apply a cut for those who want to preserve a little mystery to the main characters!

With Gabe, we’ve got someone who grew up with very little stability or financial security but who has found unscrupulous methods to gain status and money, with both noble and selfish motivations.

Kile has some of that childhood experience in common with Gabe, having been in the foster care system since infancy, but they lucked out when they were adopted into massive wealth by a caring, loving couple—a couple that uses their wealth and privilege to be far more lenient and protective of Kile than is actually reasonable or responsible.

Jack comes from a prestigious wealthy family on his dad’s side who he loves dearly but there’s no getting around the fact that they love him back as much as they despise his working class mom.

Jessie is a spoiled sweet heiress (being the baby of her family and the only girl) and while she lives blissfully ignorant of the harmful source and impact of her father's income and career, she bears the weight of the expectation to fulfill very traditional gender roles, including her behavior and appearance, but also extending to her career and life plans.

Rain's wealth led to them growing up sheltered and isolated but also extremely accommodated, giving them maximum freedom and opportunity to discover and develop their personal talents and interests. However, they have almost no positive relationship with their parents who have essentially decided to give up on a kid that couldn't be exactly the accessory they tried to mold them to be—both in terms of their identity and personality.

Rupan/Rohan, at their very core, rejects everything about conformity, self-importance, and excessive luxury—which means they have never, ever truly fit in with their peers. Going full non-conformist, however, has resulted in them becoming alienated from much of their family, as well, despite them all loving each other very much. Their history with false friends and betrayals has led them to over-indulge in their vices and reckless behavior to compensate for that isolation. Sometimes, they just get in over their head and many times, they know better. Every time, it's just that the feeling of finally belonging is utterly intoxicating.

Vivian/Vincent has two extremely successful parents who didn't inherit but instead built up their wealth and they aspire to be just like them, to a degree that is well and truly unhealthy. Their mother specifically is an over-achiever and applies mountainous pressure for them to follow in her footsteps, especially academically. Vi is completely capable of achieving what their mom expects of them, but they were already an extremely sensitive perfectionist so this has made them intensely critical of themself. This is a large part of why they are such a rigid, no-nonsense person and that in turn has made them one of the most disliked people among their peers—which is a huge personal failure to them since their father is a very well-liked and socially successful person in town.

And the Emersons are peak privilege: inherent high social status, brains, looks, charisma, athleticism, and massive wealth. They could never have been anything less than extremely popular, just by virtue of their last name and the nature of the town's social dynamics and politics. And they do enjoy that privilege (esp Curt lol). However, it should go without saying that being so high profile, even (or maybe especially) just in the isolated scope of your hometown, isn't always a boon. Their family's and their own perceived failings are widely discussed and privately mocked and/or celebrated. Real friends are scarce while fake ones and snakes are plentiful. Plus their dad is a gigantic dickhead who sees his kids as extensions of his own status and reputation and not much else. Public shortcomings make for an unbearable time at home and the world outside the estate is at once overly accommodating, full of assumptions, and even subtly hostile at times—all unrelated to their own actions or character.

And with the MC, I think the narrative will make it clear there are several ways that story can go. You start off with irresponsible parents that have lost their wealth due to their own mismanagement and material ambitions—how that affects any individual MC should differ based on choices and consequences!

So why bring any of that up when I was supposed to be talking about my cut OC? 😂😂

Leo was going to be the unwelcome recent addition to his uncle’s household, the son of a brother his aunt hates for (petty af) Reasons, and she took that resentment out on him directly by restricting his access to nearly every aspect of the family's wealth. Especially material goods and living conditions. He was basically treated like the help, tasked with playing nanny for his many younger cousins and burdened with doing the homework and providing academic cover for his dumb as rocks cousin in the same grade as you all. To sum it up, he was basically a victim of trafficking at the hands of his own family with his uncle out of town enough to feign ignorance to how bad his wife was treating his nephew and his aunt going out of her way to keep him busy, at home, and isolated. This is sadly a super common form of trafficking in Francophone African cultures (although I don't think most people view it as trafficking. and I’m sure the same is true of other cultures but I don’t want to speak outside of my purview). And like I mentioned above, it’s how my own mom's (and idek how many cousins') child/teenhood went.

It’s a perspective on modern wealth, privilege and greed that I really, really wanted to tell. I am confident in saying it hasn't been explored in interactive fiction yet (though correct me—and direct me 👀—if I'm wrong) and out of all the wealth/greed explorations I came up with, it's the one I have the closest personal ties to and the strongest feelings about. The characters and plans I had for it were detailed and I'm proud of them but at the end of the day... I just couldn't find a place for Leo in the story at large.

Leo was, in fact, the last main character I came up with, when I had already designed and fleshed out the larger story and started crafting the timeline of major events. I think the worst thing I could have done for a story and perspective that I care about this much is shove it into a plot that didn't have room for it at the very base level, regardless of how well the character or his story is written. Shoe-horned characters always stick out. I didn’t want to disservice Leo by having him be the character that did nothing or could be removed from the main plot without affecting it at all, y’know? That’s so much worse than just forgoing the indulgence, imo :((

ugh.... Leooooo 😭 I'm so sorry bb, I failed youuu 😥

#lovely anon #answered #hotmess #ok I am truly so sorry for going on and on like this #writing #ch design #ty for this question it was really nice to revisit this stuff 😃#and a nice reminder to not look back lol #scrapped

41 notes · View notes

awdawdawfaef · 3 years

Text

he must needs claim that they are not his brother’s

Grudgingly respected for his bowling and still ridiculed for the mismatch between his three triple centuries nike black tn 001 in Ranji Trophy and his ability with the bat. Coughing, sneezing) or direct physical contact with the patient or contamination of the environment by the patient, is unknown. The fact that there already a bit of history between the club it added motivation to gain ground on their division rivals who are hovering in the NHL basement with an 11 20 5 record and 27 points. Griff had let his beard grow out during the voyage, for the first time in many years, and to his surprise it had come in mostly red, though here and there ash showed amidst the fire. Save as jeans moda 2015 donna amazon many as you can.”. So did the first Cleon’s concubine. Little laws that go enforced increase bigger crimes. I am a lecturer like the majority of faculty batteria ai polimeri di litio amazon at the CSU we do not have tenure, yet make up over 75% of the new hires annually.. 13, Core Services Review Will Answer Questions, raises concerns that are not unique to any specific group. Also note the potential chaussure rando salomon homme decathlon damage to the pump finish. Clare, and the South have a right to claim the authority of Mrs. Burly and broad-shouldered, forty if he was a day, and maybe older. We know what so called liberal activists can do. I was informed that my going to school was my job. Harold Chandler was ousted at the company, then known as UnumProvident after a 1999 mega merger between Chattanooga based Provident and Unum of Portland, Maine. “So long as he wears the gem he is bound to me, blood and soul,” the red priestess said. Even Hodor felt it. Southwark had a population of 30,119 in 2011.. Stannis wants the Iron Throne for himself, but his brother’s children stand in his way, so he must needs claim that they are not his brother’s. And she said she's always happy to road test them. "We knew we had an objector to the retail area coming to the meeting tonight, so we decided to withdraw the request," said Tony Corallo, assistant vice president of facilities and campus planning.. We’ll make a dog of you instead. Randyll Tarly and Mace Tyrell had both brought armies to King’s Landing, whilst the best part of the strength of House Lannister remained in the riverlands, fast melting away. But the rest of the queen’s men were conspicuous in their absence. We offer Nike shoes like Air max series and Air Force ones sold at whole price. Some nights she heard talk of him, in the biciclete rusesti vechi taverns and brothels of the Ragman’s Harbor. The All Terrain model, available as a late 2008 model, features the Z71 off road package, heavy duty trailer package, 18 inch wheels, Rancho shocks, zara pantalon chino and myriad cosmetic enhancements. Brown stubble covered his sunken cheeks and receding chin, and strands of dirty hair hung across his eyes. Three months earlier she had written, "After the war I'd like to publish a book called The Secret Annex. Only if you play the game you stand a chance of winning, sitting there cursing your 'luck' having not played is fear twisting your melon, man.. Components of a cover letter always remain the same, you need to add a dash of creativity.. That's why zara pantalon chinomany leaders from around the world have made the Remarkable Leadership Learning System their choice as a one skill at a time, one month at a time approach to becoming a more confident and successful leader. "Reluctant to fire people, they opted for the easiest way out: increase taxes to keep paying them.". But selectors Mathews never willing select him, as seen during last 3 yrs, since axed from No1 spot, soon after

answear sandale copii

174 (12th MOM) in 2013.. The prisoner moved for baby nike trainersa new trial, upon the ground that the offence, if any, amounted only to manslaughter. "His factual understandings are distorted," Pincus said. A company commander in Korea, Harvey earned the Medal of Honor for his actions on March 9, 1951, near Taerni Dong, South Korea. Have anybody watched Rohit's effortless 4 sixes ! Simply superb. Forever remembered as the Freezer Bowl, it was the coldest game ever played in the NFL, as winds gusting up to 40 miles per hour made 9 below temperatures feel like 59 below. I took the subject from a comedy of Scribe’s. The boat is moving and I trying to tap dance and they had a SCUBA diver hiding on the boat in case I fell off.. The engines provide peppy performance and decent efficiency the new 1.0 litre turbo petrol being a particularly strong offering. Once an icicle long as a spear fell to shatter by his feet. As part of this plan, the impact of our network and fleet on CASM will continue to accelerate and provide access to revenue sources in the form of incremental new destinations and customers, who were previously Air Canada's access was limited.. “No? Oh, I recall. Wharton's aggressive focus on globalization included the creation of new international immersion programs for students and faculty. If you've been in this situation and were tempted to snag that hugely discounted, but size too big shoe, you're in luck. Though I said before pausing again, really only one thing I can do for him. This more subtle form of Chi, like our thoughts and emotions, are just as important as the food we eat. If you love the outdoors and crave an active lifestyle, this home is a breath of fresh air!". If this home is allowed to build higher, she argued, "any neighbor can say, 'Why can't I?. We stood behind yellow tape as firemen battled from four sides of the fire to rein it in. “‘One minute,’ he always says,

catalog cercei aur turcia

‘just one minute’ and, mind, he’ll stay on till midnight and then it’s too late to go there. "I think it's maybe hard to compare me to a lot of guys, especially recently. Possible treatments to deal with hip pain while walking are:. Airbus also announced that Synergy Aerospace, a Latin American company, has firmed up a previous $1.9 billion order for nine long haul A330 planes. His father is James Hart, who has been part of many theatrical ventures up and down the Fox River Valley and now Oshkosh, as artistic director of JuBriCoSa.. That's all it takes. When we have sex, he doesn't make eye contact or come even close to my face. Purdue (plus 101/2) at Illinois The Illini announced this week that it will spend $132 million on renovations for venerable Memorial Stadium. Since starting Tsunami, they've ridden plenty of swells and dips of life. She did not know how, no more than I did. I’ll be poor all my life. Anahitta Shroff Adajania, the girl of styling, fashion director of Vogue India and the genius behind Hrithik Roshan uber slick look in Dhoom 2 says: costume used to make do with whatever they could source from limited indigenous shops. Cersei cried out in pain. By 2015, the figure had dropped to 131 hours, a reduction of 15 hours or 10 percent. The film follows their footsteps on the way to attending an intensive weeklong adult ballet camp primarily filled with aspiring young dancers.At any age, walking into a dance studio can be intimidating: You're surrounded by mirrors to remind you of exactly how you look.

1 note · View note

eds-zebra-warrior · 3 years

Text

2021 Ehlers Danlos Society Awareness Month (Day 3 Prompt: Symptoms)

Unbeknownst to most people in the community and even many in the medical community as most medical personnel never learned about EDS in school or if they have were only taught the very most basic information about it but Ehlers Danlos Syndrome is a systemic condition and predisposes those with it to over 250 other conditions so it's not unusual for someone with EDS to have 20, 30 or even more other conditions caused by it which are called comorbid conditions or comorbidities.

EDS is a genetic condition that affects the structure of connective tissue. There are multiple types of connective tissue but there are also multiple types of EDS so one or more types of connective tissue can be impacted. Connective tissue also makes up at least part of every part of the body so when your connective tissue is faulty and prone to damage that also means so is everywhere connective tissue is located including but not limited to the skin, cartilage, the brain, heart, lungs, GI system, liver, kidneys, bladder, Mesentery system which is the stringy organ that is around your abdominal organs that eases then and holds them in place, lymph nodes, lymph ducts, nerves, blood vessels, blood cells, nerves, bones, bone marrow, joints, tendons, ligaments, muscle sheathing, eyes, ears, nails, hair follicles, spinal cord, sweat glands, respiratory system etc. You name it, it contains connective tissue so anything can go wrong with any part of the body leaving many patients diagnosed with conditions such as conversion disorder, meaning that all of your symptoms are in your head and you're fine for years and more often, decades because we usually get diagnosed with a lot of these comorbidities before we finally find that one doctor who can put the pieces together and say, this isn't in your head, you have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and those other conditions are very real because EDS is what caused all of them.

Now that we have discussed comorbidities I have dealt with countless symptoms over my life. As a kid it started with chronic pain, migraine headaches, and issues resulting from a compromised immune system because I caught everything going around and usually more than once. I don't remember a holiday as a kid where I wasn't sick or hurt. I was extremely clumsy, unable to run correctly until high-school with the very extensive help of my gym teacher. I was always falling, rolling my ankle, and just in general looking awkward with my body movements. I had multiple gym teachers who would agree that there was something physically wrong with me long before I could get any doctors to listen to my mom or as an adult, myself. I had to take special reading and writing classes because even to this day I cannot hold a pencil well or write with control because my fingers are too hypermobile to control a pencil so my writing is often illegible. I had a very severe failure to thrive, also called juvenile dwarfism, not even growing an inch between the ages of 2 and 12. My parents were told when I was 2 years old that I would be 6’4’’because I was so tall as at one and two years old that people would criticize my mom for carrying me out in public thinking I was 4 or 5 years old when I was only a year or two years old. I was 3’2” from the age of 2 to the age of 12 and of course when I was 12 I was extremely short and was bullied for my size as well as my weight which increased due to inflammation from undiagnosed celiac disease. There were multiple incidences with medical personnel and social workers as a kid because I always had such severe bruising all over my body and they believed I was abused. I didn't lose my teeth, losing only one on my own and at the age of 8 my dentist began pulling out my teeth which left me with dental crowding and requiring braces which were removed prematurely. I dealt with Learning disabilities and have been in glasses since age 4. I would pass out all the time as a kid, starting at 8 years old.

Bullying was a huge issue for me as a kid because I was socially awkward showing signs of OCD as well as being more mature than my peers due to my medical experiences and history with my siblings that forced me to grow up more quickly. That combined with issues such as my clumsiness and height made me the perfect target for bullying. I got what I believe was my first Traumatic Brain Injury when I was 9 years old while hanging upside down on the monkey bars. My bully had another student who had Down Syndrome, climb to the top of the monkey bars and lift my legs so I fell off onto my head.

My second was in the 6th grade. The same bully would bully other kids to help her bully a bigger target of hers which was me. One day I was at my locker between classes. Our lockers were assigned in alphabetical order by last name, of course my bully's last name came right before mine so her locker was directly to the left of mine. My mom tried to get it changed but the school refused. She shoved me down between classes while I was exchanging my books and the two kids with the locker to the right of mine she had help her roll me onto my stomach on the ground, one sat on my butt and held my feet down, the other sat on my back and held my arms down under her feet. my bully yanked my head up so my forehead was on the floor of my locker and I was trying to get out so she had the girl on my back use one of her hands to hold my head down. My bully then kicked my locker door shut on my head over and over again and I went unconscious. There were two teachers in the hall at the time but they just waked into the classroom when it started. I woke up and the hall was empty. I went to the office and told them I needed them to call my mom, I needed to go home and explained what happened. They called my mom and instead of telling her the truth they told her she needed to pick me up because I was acting strange. She came and got me and found out what happened getting me treatment.

She then took me to the school a few days later since the doctor didn't want me to return for so long (I apologize I don't remember a lot from the two weeks following this so I'm going off what I was told so the exact time I was out of school, I believe was around two weeks but I'm not sure. Anyhow at the school, we met with the principal and office staff who denied any teachers were in the hall or that any of this happened. My mom demanded to see the recordings on the cameras as a hall came in at a T right behind my locker so that camera faced my locker as well as one at each end of the hall my locker was in. They tried to tell her all three cameras were broken. My mom wasn't buying it so they tried then saying the recordings were gone. they went round and round and the school flat out refused to show her the video. My mom demanded that the girl who did this be punished because she has been asking for the school to help me since I was in the first grade and this girl started bullying me but they always fail to do anything.

They tried to then give me an in school suspension which my mom refused to let them do. They still went behind her back when I returned and made me take peanut butter sandwiches to the kids in detention during my lunch as punishment because they were mad my mom came in to question the incident. They refused to punish my bully in any way and when my mom demanded to know why, they said her mom and grandmother graduated from the school so she has a lot of history with the school which years later we found out after me and 9 other kids that I know of and who knows how many others, ended up being pulled out of the same school because of her bullying that having history at the school actually turned out to mean, she was black and they would not punish her because of her color. At the end of the school year my mom pulled me out of the school not sure what to do since back then they didn't have any kind of free online schooling so pretty much everything costed money which is when my grandma stepped up and told my mom she would help because there was no way I would be going back to deal with more bullying.

I had a ton of intestinal issues having to start colonics at around 10 years old and get my first colonoscopy around the same time. As a teen I really went down hill, struggling to eat because I had very severe nausea and cramping pain upon eating which made many of my friends believe I was anorexic but I went years without being diagnosed with gastroparesis. I started having thyroid issues and finally diagnosed with food allergies at age 14, Chest pain, palpitations, arrhythmias and trouble breathing around age 15 and seizures and cardiac arrest events at age 17.

At age 19, right before starting college I lost the ability to walk with no reason why and was sent to physical therapy to learn to walk again. The hospital visits continued in college from the seizures, emergencies from my thyroid levels going sky high or bottoming out, I started having issues with low sugar, rectal bleeding and more GI and Muscular Skeletal issues that again came to the attention of a physical education professor I had in college. The cardiac arrests continued to happen and I got an emergency pacemaker put in at age 23. Also lost the ability to walk a second time and re learned during this time.

After graduating and starting working I really went down hill. My nerve pain got so bad I could hardly tolerate it and had a lot of issues with muscle spasticity. Passing out and dizzy spells got worse, seizure meds aren't working muscle weakness got again worse in my legs and I started literally wondering if I was dying, I had such severe fatigue that I slept every moment I wasn't working, bleed very badly during my period or with just mild trauma worrying my dentist so badly that he sent a letter to my doctor suggesting a possible bleeding disorder. I was going into shakes from low sugar and low sodium frequently but at the time had no idea why I would start shaking multiple times a day. Myoclonic epilepsy started and has progressively gotten worse, Dystonia started up, I started getting intestinal obstructions more often and more gastroparesis symptoms with the nausea and vomiting, sometimes cyclic vomiting. I developed a limp and went onto forearm crutches which eventually progressed to paralysis.

I have always had issues with dislocations of joints and spinal manifestations like scoliosis, Craniocervical and Atlantoaxial instability. I’m prone to non cancerous masses that could be cancerous one day including masses in my breasts, heals and between the vertebrates in my spine. My memory has deteriorated and I now have issues which I call temporary blindness when I turn my head a certain way which pinches my already compressed brainstem kinking it off so my vision is interrupted. With Systemic Mastocitosis I deal with allergic reaction type symptoms such as anaphylaxis, overproduction of mucus, coughing, hives, swelling, rashes, itching, hot flashes, flushing and more. I overheat and have hyperhidrosis. I have muscle spasms from the paralysis, dry mouth from the meds, in addition to the heart arrhythmias and trouble controlling my body temperature from the damage to my autonomic nervous system failure I have swelling of my abdomen, extreme thirst, bladder retention, abdominal cramping and more.

There are endless symptoms associated with EDS and it’s comorbidities which has a huge impact on your social life. You can't do the things you used to do and may come up with new hobbies and later deal with the grief associated with losing the ability to do those hobbies, in turn having to find new hobbies. You lose all or almost all of your friends because they don't like what you have become, the things you used to be able to do with them and no longer can, they don't understand if you need to cancel plans, when you lose the ability to drive they drop you cold because they don't want to pick you up many of us deal with the realization of how badly we wanted friends growing up due to our social awkwardness that resulted from our illness, time spent in the hospital, maturing more quickly, as well as the result of decades of medical abuse and neglect which in most of us has resulted in complex PTSD.

Almost all EDS patients are either on the Autism Spectrum, diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder which some associate with social awkwardness and also the intense need for us to please people meaning many EDS patients were known as extremely hard and dedicated workers when working or in school as well as very dedicated to friends and families. We basically give our friends the clothes off of our backs meaning that most of us unknowingly befriend people who use us and are in take take take relationships where we give everything we have into a friendship or relationship while the other person gives little back resulting in most of us losing all or almost every friend we had when we get sick and no longer have anything to give. When we are no longer able to do for others those people quickly jump ship leaving us with no friends. Most of us have this very similar personality type due to our history of growing up quickly along with the shared comorbidity of Autism, OCD, and Complex PTSD.

There are countless symptoms associated with EDS and they are different for each individual. Even in my case alone these are only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to symptoms I have experienced alone so EDS isn't an easy condition to live with physically or emotionally and the diagnosis can be quite the pill to swallow with little understanding from friends, sometimes family or even the medical community.

#MyEDSChallenge #MyHSDChallenge

2 notes · View notes

solarscholarsofmagick · 4 years

Text

Cosmic Love: An Astrologer’s Notes on Eclipses

Solar and lunar eclipses are spectacular events for those who enjoy watching the sky, but did you know that they also act as major triggers for life events? Essentially, a solar eclipse is a maxed-out new moon, while a lunar eclipse is a maxed-out full moon. For those of you who are familiar with the phases of the moon and their meanings, this means that a solar eclipse would signify a big new beginning, and a lunar eclipse would signify a majorly emotional ending.

Eclipses can trigger a huge number of happenings, good and bad. You can get an idea of what exactly will happen by looking at the house and sign placement of the eclipse and what it activates in your chart. Speaking of which, only eclipses that aspect your natal chart directly will impact you significantly. We all may feel the intensity of these astrological events but only those who have an aspected planet or point can truly feel the weight of the eclipse, in particular those with an aspected Sun, Midheaven, Ascendant, or Moon, as they are the most significant.

If you don’t already, begin tracking eclipses, specifically those that make close aspects to a natal planet or point, and see if anything happens around that time. Events may occur on the exact day of the eclipse, or they may be dragged out. For a solar eclipse, you can expect to feel the energy of the eclipse about 3 to 6 months beforehand, and it may last for well over a year afterwards, especially if the eclipse aspects one of the more important placements noted above. For a lunar eclipse, there’s a slightly shorter time frame of about 2 months before and after the eclipse for major events to take place. However, you may feel the effects of a lunar eclipse well beyond 2 months after the eclipse took place.

Eclipses run in cycles like the planets do, and they go through one family of signs at a time, based on the qualities (Cardinal, Fixed, Mutable). It takes about 7-8 years before a sign family will repeat itself, and roughly 19 years for an exact degree of a sign to repeat itself. This means that in the course of a year, there can be anywhere from four to six eclipses in the same sign family, with the potential to affect you significantly if any of these signs are emphasized in your natal chart.

Now let’s get into some examples of eclipse-triggered events. I’ve collected research on a handful of different people’s charts during different eclipses and they’ve all been affected in different ways. To start, I’ll use my family as an example.

On July 27th of 2018, there was a lunar eclipse at 4 degrees Aquarius, exactly conjunct to my brother’s natal Uranus. This triggered a major health crisis for my brother, as well as an emotional crisis as well. On the night of the eclipse, he was admitted to the hospital with severely high blood pressure and was going into kidney failure. Now, keep in mind that my brother was only 20 at the time – much too young to be dealing with these kinds of health problems! Mars was conjunct to the lunar eclipse as well, and transiting Uranus was making a square to his natal Uranus, further aggravating his condition. Uranus rules the nervous system, and the nervous system controls the blood pressure. Mars rules the blood, and Uranus was in Taurus, ruled by Venus, which rules the kidneys. All the stress on these planets from the lunar eclipse triggered my brother’s high blood pressure, which runs in our family on both sides. And because Uranus was involved, activating his 4th house of home and family, he felt a deep need for personal freedom as well. At the time, he was living with our parents and having many arguments with them. He had been planning to move out for a while, but this lunar eclipse solidified his decision with all the stress it caused him at home with our parents. Four days later, he was released from the hospital and the doctors had prescribed him medication for his blood pressure that he will be taking likely the rest of his life. This is the nature of an eclipse (causing life-changing events) and with Uranus involved, it was very unexpected and abrupt.

Rewind to a solar eclipse in March of 2006 in Aries, this one activating my mom’s natal Mars in her 12th house of hidden enemies. This was right around when my parents were fighting a lot and just before they got a divorce. This solar eclipse triggered many arguments between my parents, some even a bit violent. This event is pretty self-explanatory, with Mars being the most aggressive planet in its own sign, placed in the 12th house. This would translate to an abundance of anger and excessive arguments with a man in the native’s life, which is exactly what happened. My dad became an enemy to my mom, an enemy that she didn’t expect to discover when she married him. This eclipse also loosely activated my mom’s Neptune in her 7th house of marriage, dissolving the marriage over the next few years in court. On the other side of the story, the same eclipse activated my dad’s natal Pluto in Virgo in his 8th house of shared resources. Natally, Pluto here would point to a partner who is obsessed with money, and before the divorce, this might not have been the case, but after the eclipse triggered my dad’s natal Pluto, the fighting ended up being primarily over finances and child support. This eclipse triggered a series of court battles between my parents obsessively fighting over money. My dad ended up having to pay my mom a large amount of money in child support over a span of about 5 years. This same solar eclipse in March of 2006 also triggered my natal Sun by opposition, indicating the loss of a male figure in my life. This manifested for me as a temporary loss of my father, as he moved out and I saw him less often.

In my own experience, I’ve dealt with many significant eclipses. However, one stands out more than the rest. In November of 2013, I had just started school at University, when I met another student through a ride share group. This student seemed to be just another freshman guy starting school and didn’t pose any threat to me when we met. However, the eclipse on November 3rd that year triggered my Midheaven and Mars, bringing a major change in my life. Later that month, the student invited me to a party and I went. Being a college party, we were drinking and socializing, but as the night progressed, he started acting more and more possessive of me. I had barely known him a week or two, but he was acting like I was his property. He kept tipping my cup back, forcing drinks down my throat, and as a result, I lost consciousness later on in the night. He dragged me upstairs onto a bed and proceeded to climb on top of me to assault me. What’s interesting about this eclipse though, is that it was a solar eclipse in the sign of Scorpio, which rules obsessive behavior, taboos, and sex. Activating my Mars and Midheaven in my 11th house, this translates to me as a life-changing physical event (sexual assault) occurring in a social setting or related to a new acquaintance (11th house). Saturn was also involved with this eclipse, conjunct the eclipse by 2 degrees. Saturn implies a long-term effect, and in my case, I received an ongoing diagnosis of PTSD, and my depression was magnified during that year after the incident, as Saturn can cause major depression also.

I’ve observed my friend’s charts and their life events related to eclipses as well. In June of 2012, there was a lunar eclipse in Sagittarius, directly triggering one of my friend’s natal Mercury and Uranus. On the other end, the Sun was also activating his Chiron. This was the day his brother died in a car accident when he was hit by a drunk driver. Mercury rules siblings and Uranus rules unexpected events and accidents. As you can imagine, Pluto was transiting his 8th house, activating his North Node in a trine and his South Node in a sextile as well.

Someone I knew even was imprisoned after a series of eclipses activated his natal Sun and Moon in Libra as well as his Mercury in Scorpio. It was deserved- think justice- as Libra is a fair-minded air sign and rules judges. Uranus was also involved in the eclipse, conjunct the Sun, indicating a loss of freedom. Pluto was squaring his Sun exactly at the time too.

On a more positive note, eclipses can trigger very positive changes as well! In another friend’s chart, I’ve seen a solar eclipse activate her Venus in her 1st house (Leo) in a conjunction by 2 degrees and her Midheaven exactly by trine in her 9th house (Aries). She was rewarded with a new job teaching young children in China- this is her Midheaven being activated in the 9th house of distant travels, and the eclipse is coming from her 1st house of Leo, the sign of children. She even made a significant connection to one of the students who made a noticeable first impression on her second day there. The student ended up being one of her best students!

Sometimes there can be large amounts of money involved when a solar eclipse activates specific houses. One friend of mine inherited $100,000 from his grandmother when she passed, right around the time of a lunar eclipse that activated his natal Saturn (grandparents) in his 2nd house of finance, from the 11th house of large amounts of money. The Sun was activating his 5th house of fun and pleasures, so as a result, he went on a major drug/alcohol/stripper binge (Neptune was squaring his natal Moon at the time as well) where he encountered many fake friends who used him for his money. The 11th house is friends and acquaintances as well as huge dream amounts of cash, and his 11th house falls in Scorpio, so there was definitely manipulative behavior involved.

There are many other kinds of events that eclipses can trigger as well. Depending on the planets, houses, and signs involved, there may be marriages, engagements, pregnancies, divorces, promotions, traveling, moving homes, major health issues or improvements, surgeries, educational developments, major accomplishments… The list goes on! Just think big, though, as that seems to be the theme with eclipses. During my research, I asked each of my friends what the most significant time or moment in their life was, and almost every single one of them had an eclipse as their first answer. They recalled the exact month and year, some even the date, and it came immediately to mind. When I went to check the dates of that year’s eclipses and compare them to their natal charts, sure enough, there was an eclipse activating something in their chart.

So next time you hear of or get to witness an eclipse, no matter where it is in the world (as these cosmic events affect all of us), think to yourself what in your life might change or be disrupted. What might evolve or take action? Or even better, consult your natal chart and try to figure out exactly what will happen, guided by your intuition!

Please consider supporting us by viewing the original post on our website, here!

#astrology #witchblr #witch #witchcraft #witches of color #witches of tumblr #wiccablr #wicca #wiccan #wiccans of color #wiccans of tumblr #pagan #paganism #pagans of color #pagans of tumblr #occult #paranormal #spiritual #spirituality

82 notes · View notes

femmesfollesnebraska · 3 years

Text

Artist feature: Helena Baka

Artist Helena Baka shares with LFF about her inspiration as an artist through trauma, experiences, identity, femininity and more. All images and text (c) Helena Baka, helenabaka.com.

Where are you from and how did you get into art?

I’m from Elmwood Park, Illinois, but I’m currently living in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Both of my parents were born and raised in Albania and immigrated from there before I was born, a few years after the collapse of communism. I’ve loved art since I was a child – I used to draw princesses, my favorite television show characters, Sanrio characters, and self-portraits. This was probably because both of my parents were artists - my father is a painter, and my mom used to make little angel Christmas ornaments and draw mermaids for my sister and me (although she stopped doing that very early on once she became a paralegal). All my life I had been surrounded by my dad’s oil painting landscapes of Albania hanging on the walls of our home, so I think I wanted to be just as good as him.

It’s been hard to be upfront about this, but my mom committed suicide when I was only 16 years old, and that was really the beginning of my painting practice because I started to draw inspiration from my traumas, dreams and experiences after that. Now, my work is motivated by my cultural identity and the distance I’ve experienced with my Albanian culture while growing up American. Lots of my current work shines on aspects of my identity, both relating to culture and femininity. I also have been exploring the relationship between sculpture and painting in my work because I’m fascinated with how bending the rules of traditional sculpture and/or painting can possibly make either of those fall into either category.

I have a few impetuses for creating; much of it derives from the need to tell my story, to use my practice as a form of therapy, to take risks and experiment with both familiar and unfamiliar mediums, and to educate my audience on whatever topic evokes strong emotions from me.

Tell me about your most recent exhibit.

4th Midwest Open at Woman Made Gallery in Chicago is the upcoming show I’m featured in, and I’m really excited for it because it’s going to be filled with so many different types of work featuring many artists of diverse backgrounds. It’s a chance to showcase the voices of women and nonbinary people in a space that is not male-dominated, which I think is so important because spaces like these are rare to find in the art world.

I hope when people see my work, it can spark some curiosity and self-education of what and where Albania is, and that it’s not just some impoverished Eastern European country that never made it into the footnotes of western history textbooks. My work touches on themes of loss, displacement, and frustration with one’s identity, as well as learning to accept and embrace who you are; that it’s okay not to fit into the mold of who or what you’re “supposed” to be. So, I hope at the end of the day, anyone who views my work can see a little bit of themselves in it, too. Most importantly, I want to be the Albanian woman artist role model that I never got to see growing up.

Does collaboration play a role in your work?

Although I have always worked independently in the studio, I’ve found collaboration beneficial to my practice through exposure of others’ ideas and methods of production. Being in my last year of art school toward my BFA, I have grown used to surrounding myself in an environment of plenty of working artists, and that alone inspires me to create, too. I think the act of critiques and even showing in-progress work has been a collaboration between me and whoever is critiquing my work, because most of the time I’ll come out of it with fresh ideas handed to me by another person. It works the same way vice-versa.

I once had my first ceramic sculpture fall apart in the kiln, and through a collaborative effort of mending it with my friend who was very familiar with working with plaster, my sculpture was repaired and I gained new insight toward this specific material and potential future uses in my practice. My work could never have progressed the way it has without the exposure of different ideas, methods and materials that other artists use.

What do you think about making work right now with the current political climate?

The political climate we’re living in right now has brought on so much outstanding work that has been made by BIPOC creators. Through the darkness of the pandemic, a corrupt, unfitting president in office, systemic racism, police brutality, and all of the tragic deaths we’ve experienced in 2020 from these events, one of the few instances of light the world gained out of these tragedies was the art made by black folx and BIPOC. From music to writing to visual art, BIPOC’s voices have been uplifted and encouraged on every accessible platform, and I continue to see more and more spaces made exclusively for these communities in the art world. Art really makes a difference in impacting our ways of thinking and beliefs, and I believe that if we continue to make BIPOC creators and voices a priority after Black Lives Matter is no longer a trending topic, there could be huge changes in the art world that provide even bigger opportunities for BIPOC creators, such as solo/group exhibitions, publications, grants and rewards, and leadership positions, if not more.

Is feminism relevant to your work?

Absolutely! I would categorize much of my work as feminist pieces because it discuss the contrasting distance and pride not only between myself and my cultural identity, but with my female identity as well that has been challenged and taken advantage of throughout all my life by others. Sexism, misogyny perpetuated by both men and women, double standards, and body image dysphoria as a consequence of these things have all been themes I’ve had to work through in my life and practice.

I can’t speak for every womxn or nonbinary person, but most who are or have once been feminine presenting in their lives have experienced a hypersexualization of themselves and their bodies through the media, culture, and the overall tainted perspective of the patriarchy we’ve been trained to look through. Instead, my work inevitably sees through the lens of the female gaze, where there is no objectification or negativity associated with the female/feminine body or experience, and instead the viewer is presented with this sort of chaotic, distortion of the faces and bodies of my characters, who are often abstract depictions of self-portraits.

What’s the best advice you have received about being an artist?

Strive to make work better than the last and only compete with yourself. Never measure your talents and successes to someone else's.

helenabaka.com

instagram: @artbug666.

Les Femmes Folles is a volunteer organization founded in 2011 with the mission to support and promote women in all forms, styles and levels of art from around the world with the online journal, print annuals, exhibitions and events; originally inspired by artist Wanda Ewing and her curated exhibit by the name Les Femmes Folles (Wild Women). LFF was created and is curated by Sally Brown Deskins. LFF Books is a micro-feminist press that publishes 1-2 books per year by the creators of Les Femmes Folles including the award-winning Intimates & Fools (Laura Madeline Wiseman, 2014) , The Hunger of the Cheeky Sisters: Ten Tales (Laura Madeline Wiseman/Lauren Rinaldi, 2015 and Mes Predices (catalog of art/writing by Marie Peter Toltz, 2017). Other titles include Les Femmes Folles: The Women 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015 and 2016 available on blurb.com, including art, poetry and interview excerpts from women artists. A portion of the proceeds from LFF books and products benefit the University of Nebraska-Omaha’s Wanda Ewing Scholarship Fund.

Submissions always open! - Check out the 10th anniversary call here:

https://femmesfollesnebraska.tumblr.com/callforart-writing

#feminsitart #contemporaryart #womenartists #womanmadegallery

5 notes · View notes

allisondraste · 4 years

Text

on writing kiddos

Hi, hello there, it’s me again back with the first bit of meta in a really long time. I’ve been incredibly distracted with school as well as my longfic, which was actually the inspiration for this post. Just to provide some context, I write a story that spans the lives of my two protagonists from the time they are young children, all the way to their mid twenties, highlighting pivotal moments in their childhood that have had some lasting impact on their present day selves, and as such, I have spent quite a lot of time writing from the perspective of precocious kids and moody teens.

Fortunately, I love kids, and I’ve had years of experience in both being a big sister and working professionally with kids as both a childcare worker and a therapist. I’ve gotten to spend a lot of time around kiddos and learn the inner workings of their amazing, rapidly developing brains, and so I’m here to share some of the things I’ve learned AND how it can be applied in a writing situation. I know that lots of people have apprehensions when writing kids, and so I hope that my anecdotal tips will be helpful to someone out there.

I’ll drop the rest behind a handy dandy read more to spare your all’s feeds. ;D

Age and Cognitive Development

When we write adult characters, part of getting their characterization pinned down is understanding how they think, and the same thing applies to kiddos! Cognitive and socio-emotional development are long-researched topics, so there are a multitude of varying theories, and it can be quite complex to break down into neat categories that apply to all kids. In fact, all kids develop at different rates, despite following the same general trajectory.

Generally speaking, children start out understanding the world primarily through their senses, reflexes, and movements (interactions with the environment), and end with a fairly complex system of abstraction and understanding of hypotheticals. (Note that these development ranges are based upon those who are neurotypical and neurodiverse characters would not necessarily have the same markers, so if anyone has any specific tips for writing neurodiverse kids and would like to chime in, please feel free to do so!)

0-2 years - highly sensory/motor based, lots of reflexes; learn the difference between self and environment and differences between objects. Emotions develop more rapidly, beginning with anger, disgust, fear, surprise, happiness, and gradually developing more and more complicated feelings. Even at 2 years old, they are likely to not have a solid grasp on labeling the ways they are feeling, and things are mostly behavioral and reflexive.

2-7 years - children begin to understand symbols and develop language, beginning with the basics and progressing to fairly complex thoughts. Children between these ages think in a very concrete fashion and are highly reliant upon objects, but they do begin to pretend and roleplay. Children around these ages are egocentric and usually struggle to take the perspective of others. However, they begin to develop the ability to identify and express their feelings and thoughts simply, but struggle to understand the thoughts and feelings of others.

Mommy had a scrunched up face when she looked a the mess in the house. Billy didn’t really know why her face did that sometimes. (approx 4ish)

7 - 11(ish) - Development of perspective-taking and concrete problem-solving. Thoughts gradually become more complex and holistic, though children at this stage of development take things literally, and at face-value. They typically can understand their own feelings and infer the feelings of others from facial expressions, body language, etc., although they may be inaccurate in their assumptions.

Mommy’s face scrunched up when she looked at the mess Billy made in the floor. It was the same face she made when Daddy didn’t take his shoes off before stepping on the carpet. It usually meant mommy was annoyed (Approx. 7-8)

Mom’s face wrinkled when she looked at the mess Billy had left in the floor. He began to pick his things up so she wouldn’t fuss at him. (Approx 10 or 11)

11+ - The ability to think in the abstract and understand hypotheticals begins to develop around age 11, however, it’s different for everyone. Children and teens usually start to have rather complex thoughts and make inferences based on subtle cues. They’re able to manipulate information mentally and come to develop their own opinions and conclusions.

Billy’s mother wasn’t even home yet, and he could already see the look on her face she would have when she saw the mess on the floor. He hurredly began to scrub the stain from the rug. He was going to be in so much trouble. He knew it.

Teenagerdom - Most teens have all the complex thoughts and emotions that adults have, but often have less experience and/or ability to cope with and regulate those thoughts and feelings. Many teens are stuck in this place of being expected to behave in an adult way, while still being treated as a child. It’s a rough time. Not to mention, teenagers experience a re-emergence of egocentrism that takes the form of “Everyone is watching and judging me all the time,” and also “Nobody has ever experienced what I am experiencing and if they have experienced it, then they haven’t experienced it to this degree.” That all settles down with cognitive maturation and experiences; however, the experiences of teenagers often extend well into the 20s.

Examining the mess on the floor, Billy knew that his mother was going to kill him. Murder. She’d chew him up and spit him back out, never to see the light of day again. It was the end. Unless of course he could scrub the stubborn stain from the rug. This had to be the worst thing that could have possibly happened.

Personal Experience and Intelligence

As I mentioned above, those age ranges are broad, general “this is sort of what should be happening when,” but they’re more guidelines rather than hard and fast rules. When writing children, it is helpful to consider the personal experiences a child has had in their lives up to that point as well as their intelligence. Those are not the measure of a person (even a little one), but they make a huge difference in the rate at which a child matures and interacts with the world. Generally kids who have more difficult upbringings and those who end up parenting themselves and/or caring for siblings, often seem older than they really are, particularly in regard to their behavior.

Just to provide some examples for reference, the children that I write in my story are mostly nobles who have relatively comfortable, safe, and happy childhoods. My Cousland, Liss, is generally a carefree, impulsive, emotional, messy, privileged child, and so I modeled her development more closely in line with the “guidelines.” Nathaniel is also a noble, but he’s more thoughtful, and has kind of been placed into a parental role in that his dad is emotionally abusive at the very least, and after his mother dies, he is the rock that his siblings stand on, and at that point in time, he is only 10. He has to grow up a lot faster than he may have had to otherwise. As a very strong counterpoint, there are other characters who do not have any environmental privileges during their childhood. A very good portrayal of this sort of thing is this comparison of Isabela and Hawke’s respective upbringings.

Both intelligence and life experiences can lead to a quicker rate of cognitive development and maturation in some cases, that does not mean that they are “grown up” or in anyway done developing. Even the brightest kids, even the kids who have faced unbelievable adversity are still kids and they often still experience impulsivity, emotion dysregulation, and other things that one might not see in adults with the same experiences. Furthermore, some kids may not even experience advanced development, instead regressing from the lack of social support and modeling from attachment figures.

Basically, nothing is hard and fast.

Personality

The next thing I wanted to touch upon is personality. I think there is a tendency to portray all kids as Standard Kids (which I have endearingly coined Standard Kid Syndrome). It is all well and good if the intention is just to show a Standard Kid; however, if you really want to dig deep into a character, into who that child is, it’s so important to consider personality traits. From birth, children have dispositions, and as they grow and learn more about themselves and the world, those dispositions become personality. Personality traits should shine through very early on! Kids can be open to experience or rigid and anxious, they can be introverted or extroverted, they can be impulsive or restrained, they can be aggressive, meek, funny, serious, meticulous, silly, cool, gruff, grumpy, snarky, sassy, nerdy, quirky, shy, friendly, withdrawn, and so on and so forth. Children are new humans; they are not incomplete humans.

The Kid Voice

When writing from the point of view of a child, all of the things discussed above factor into word choice. Just like writing adult characters, the way a kid talks in dialogue, or narrates even, is influenced by a blend of so many different things. Young kids’ descriptions are going to have simpler sentence structures and words. They may introspect less and observe more. They may express themselves through their bodies and actions more. They may have trouble describing what they’re feeling, or understanding what they’re seeing. Teens may describe things more dramatically and intensely than similar adults would. They may not. What is important is considering the mix of traits and experiences they have in relation to cognitive development. It’s really no different from writing any other character. It just takes research and planning to get in The Zone.

TL;DR

- Understanding how kids think is a good starting point to writing kids

- Personal experiences, intelligence, and the interaction of qualities can influence how a child thinks in a multitude of ways

- Kids have personalities! They’re not blank slates that have yet to be filled. They are whole people, and it’s good to give proper care to show those unique, wonderful little minds that they have

- It’s not so much different than writing adults! It just takes some time spent looking through a different lens!

- This is not a comprehensive reference by any means, so please feel free to chime in!

#writing reference #meta #long post #kids #it is the night #and i must sleep now #yikes #the things i do to get a meta idea out of my head

142 notes · View notes

andromeda-sapphire · 4 years

Text

Eclipses in Astrology:

(EDIT: This is an article I wrote for my old blog back in 2018.)

Solar and lunar eclipses are spectacular events for those who enjoy watching the sky, but did you know that they also act as major triggers for life events? Essentially, a solar eclipse is a maxed out new moon, while a lunar eclipse is a maxed out full moon. So for those of you who are familiar with the phases of the moon and their meanings, this means that a solar eclipse would signify a big new beginning, and a lunar eclipse would signify a majorly emotional ending.

Eclipses can trigger a huge number of happenings, good and bad. You can get an idea of what exactly it is that will happen by looking at the house and sign placement of the eclipse and what it activates in your chart. Speaking of! Only eclipses that aspect your natal chart directly will impact you significantly. We all may feel the intensity of these astrological events but only those who have an aspected planet or point can truly feel the weight of the eclipse, in particular those with an aspected Sun, Midheaven, Ascendant or Moon, as they are the most significant.

If you don't already, begin tracking eclipses, specifically those that make close aspects to a natal planet or point, and see if anything happens around that time. Events may occur on the exact day of the eclipse, or they may be dragged out. For a solar eclipse, you can expect to feel the energy of the eclipse about 3 to 6 months beforehand, and it may last for well over a year afterwards, especially if the eclipse aspects one of the more important placements noted above. For a lunar eclipse, there's a slightly shorter time frame of about 2 months before and after the eclipse for major events to take place. However, you may feel the effects of a lunar eclipse well beyond 2 months after the eclipse took place.

Now let's get into some examples of eclipse-triggered events. I've collected research on a handful of different people's charts during different eclipses and they've all been affected in different ways. To start, I'll use my family as an example.

On July 27 of 2018, there was a lunar eclipse at 4 degrees Aquarius, exactly conjunct my brother's natal Uranus. This triggered a major health crisis for my brother, as well as an emotional crisis as well. On the night of the eclipse, he was admitted to the hospital with severely high blood pressure, and was going into kidney failure. Now, keep in mind my brother was only 20 at the time - much too young to be dealing with these kinds of health problems! Mars was conjunct the lunar eclipse as well, and transiting Uranus was making a square to his natal Uranus, further aggravating his condition. Uranus rules the nervous system, and the nervous system controls the blood pressure. Mars rules the blood, and Uranus was in Taurus, ruled by Venus which rules the kidneys. All the stress on these planets from the lunar eclipse triggered my brother's high blood pressure, which runs in our family on both sides. And because Uranus was involved, activating his 4th house of home and family, he felt a deep need for personal freedom as well. At the time he was living with our parents, and was having many arguments with them. He had been planning to move out for a while, but this lunar eclipse solidified his decision with all the stress it caused him at home with our parents. Four days later, he was released from the hospital and the doctors had prescribed him medication for his blood pressure that he will be taking likely the rest of his life. This is the nature of an eclipse, causing life-changing events, and with Uranus involved, it was very unexpected and abrupt.

Rewind to a solar eclipse in March of 2006 in Aries, this one activating my mom's natal Mars in her 12th house of hidden enemies. This was right around when my parents were fighting a lot and just before they got a divorce. This solar eclipse triggered many arguments between my parents, some even got a bit violent. This event is pretty self-explanatory, with Mars being the most aggressive planet in its own sign, placed in the 12th house. This would translate to an abundance of anger and excessive arguments with a man in the native’s life, which is exactly what happened. My dad became an enemy to my mom, an enemy that she didn't expect to discover when she married him. This eclipse also loosely activated my mom's Neptune in her 7th house of marriage, dissolving the marriage over the next few years in court. On the other side of the story, the same eclipse activated my dad's natal Pluto in Virgo in his 8th house of shared resources. Natally, Pluto here would point to a partner who is obsessed with money, and before the divorce, this might not have been the case, but after the eclipse triggered my dad's natal Pluto, the fighting ended up being primarily over finances and child support. This eclipse triggered a series of court battles between my parents, obsessively fighting over money. My dad ended up having to pay my mom a large amount of money in child support over a span of about 5 years. This same solar eclipse in March of 2006 also triggered my natal Sun by opposition, indicating the loss of a male figure in my life. This manifested for me as a temporary loss of my father, as he moved out and I saw him less often.

In my own experience, I've dealt with many significant eclipses. However, one stands out more than the rest. In November of 2013, I had just started school at University, when I met another student through a ride share group. This student seemed to be just another freshman guy starting school and didn't pose any threat to me when we met. However, the eclipse on November 3 that year triggered my Midheaven and Mars, bringing a major change in my life. Later that month, the student invited me to a party, and I went. Being a college party, we were drinking and socializing, but as the night progressed, he started acting more and more possessive of me. I had barely known him a week or two, but he was acting like I was his property. He kept tipping my cup back, forcing drinks down my throat, and as a result, I lost consciousness later on in the night. He dragged me upstairs onto a bed and proceeded to climb on top of me and assault me. What's interesting about this eclipse though, is that it was a solar eclipse in the sign of Scorpio, which rules obsessive behavior, taboos and sex. Activating my Mars and Midheaven in my 11th house, this translates to me as a life-changing physical event (sexual assault) occurring in a social setting or related to a new acquaintance (11th house). Saturn was also involved with this eclipse, conjunct the eclipse by 2 degrees. Saturn implies a long-term or chronic effect, and in my case, I received an ongoing diagnosis of PTSD. Also, my depression was magnified during that year after the incident, as Saturn can cause major depression.

I've observed my friend's charts and their life events related to eclipses as well. In June of 2012, there was a lunar eclipse in Sagittarius, directly triggering one of my friend's natal Mercury and Uranus. On the other end, the Sun was also activating his Chiron. This was the day his brother died in a car accident. A drunk driver hit him. Mercury rules siblings and Uranus rules unexpected events and accidents. As you can imagine, Pluto was transiting his 8th house, activating his North Node in a trine and his South Node in a sextile as well.

Someone I knew even was imprisoned after a series of eclipses activated his natal Sun and Moon in Libra as well as his Mercury, Jupiter & Venus in Scorpio. He has this Scorpio stellium in his 12th house, and Saturn was closely conjunct the first lunar eclipse in Scorpio (which triggered his Mercury) to set off this series of events. This Saturn conjunction to his natal Mercury represents a loss of freedom indicated as a consequence for impulsive actions (Mars was opposite the lunar eclipse, also triggering his Mercury in a hard aspect). It was deserved, think justice, as the next year and a half while he faced imprisonment in court, the eclipses were activating his Libra Moon, Sun and then Midheaven. Libra is a fair-minded air sign and rules judges. Pluto was squaring his Sun exactly at the time too, and Mars joined in on that square on the day he was convicted.

On a more positive note, eclipses can trigger very positive changes as well! In another friend's chart, I've seen a solar eclipse activate her Venus in her 1st house (Leo) in a conjunction by 2 degrees and her Midheaven exactly by trine in her 9th house (Aries). She was rewarded with a new job teaching young children in China - this is her Midheaven being activated in the 9th house of distant travels, and the eclipse is coming from her 1st house of Leo, the sign of children. She even made a significant connection to one of the students who made a noticeable first impression on her second day there. The student ended up being one of her best students!

There are many other kinds of events that eclipses can trigger as well. Depending on the planets, houses and signs involved, there may be marriages or engagements, pregnancies, divorces, promotions, traveling, moving homes, major health issues or improvements, surgeries, educational developments, major accomplishments... The list goes on! Just think big though, as that seems to be the theme with eclipses. During my research, I asked each of my friends what the most significant time or moment in their life was, and almost every single one of them had an eclipse as their first answer. They recalled the exact month and year, some even the date, and it came immediately to mind. When I went to check the dates of that year’s eclipses and compare them to their natal charts, sure enough, there was an eclipse activating something in their chart.

So next time you hear of or get to witness an eclipse, no matter where it is in the world, as these cosmic events affect all of us, think to yourself what in your life might change or be disrupted. What might evolve or take action. Or even better, consult your natal chart and try and figure out exactly what will happen, guided by your intuition!

I hope you enjoyed this article!

Check out my Ko-Fi below to leave me a tip!

ko-fi.com/andromeda_sapphire

#eclipses #solar eclipse #eclipse #lunar eclipse #astrology #astrology blog #astrology readings #astro witch #cosmic witch #witchblr #witch #blog #me #mine #astrologer

39 notes · View notes

brooke-the-poet · 5 years

Text

The Fantasy Adventure Trope and Autistics.

Currently I am fascinated with narrative framing. The structure of a story and how that gives us the meanings that we draw from it.

What I have noticed is that neurodivergent consciousness isn't taken into consideration very often. In fact many narratives, especially in children's literature and films have a gaslighting affect when it comes to the experiences of neurodivergent children.

Children who are different are portrayed as having an overactive imagination, big emotions or too reserved, shy, afraid, a little adult, low impulse control, not very social, bullied at school and are ignored by adults.

This jumble of traits pretty much fits most neurodivergents. But just enough so that they are endearing and don't seem "too weird".

Unfortunately many children are thought of in the same vein as the biblical prodigal son. Disabilities and difficulties are seen as trials to be fixed, or to fix "us" as if we need some form of chastising.

That our ways are wrong and we choose to bring difficulty on ourselves by not ignoring the things everyone else ignores and doing what everyone else does.

People expect neurodivergent children to be doormats and when they are shoved into that role they naturally become distressed and hide or rebel.

Such children then go on a magic adventure, where they learn about who they are as a person and then return home better off than when they left, able to cope and function better in their world.

That's a very general idea of the plots of most magic adventures. And there's nothing wrong with that, if indeed that is what is occurring.

But too often it is not. Most of these narratives portray the child as in need of a rude awakening, again with the prodigal image, spoiled, lack of discipline, bad attitude, needing to burn off energy, needing confidence, needing change over all.

And how this occurs is through what is known as exposure therapy. A theorized technique where non-biological anxiety is reduced through exposure to the source of the anxiety.

This does not work on neurodivergents nor many with trauma related conditions. It only serves to burn out energy and destroy our nervous systems and peace of mind if we had any to begin with.

The adventure supposedly leads the child to become used to physical stress, work and decision making. It assumes that the child has had no trauma or stress before this. That their difficulties came from being uncooperative with adults. What it comes down to is that it is the child that needs to change, not their world.

And what that means for the neurodivergent child whose experience of the world can not change through a change in attitude, is that they are made to feel flawed, that unlike the "good" children in those stories, they are bad.

Which leads them to hiding their difficulties and masking. And if they are autistic, the feeling of being nonhuman increases significantly.

*On a side note: Fantasy gives neurodivergent traits to majority non-human characters. I really do enjoy fantasy but the characters I related to most were the non-humans or the villain, and both.

There are a lot of non-human characters that should just have been human. When only "make believe" species have your sensitivity and traits, it makes it very hard for people to take you seriously. That's a whole other article though.*

Back to narrative:

Two examples come to mind. The German novel "The Neverending Story" by Michael Ende and and the Japanese film "Spirited Away" by Hayao Miyazaki.

These were big impact stories, I'm only going to cover 3 items from each.

Someone with more energy can dig in deeper. Also if the plots sound really similar to you, children going off into fantasy worlds and receiving help from dragons, it is because Michael Ende loved Japan and was inspired by Japanese folklore.

His second wife is Japanese and his stories became huge in Japan where he toured and gave lectures and was honoured with his own museum shortly before he passed away.

First, The Never Ending Story.

Yes, the story with Bastian, Atreyu, the child-like empress and my personal favourite, Falcor the luck dragon. Who doesn't love the ending of the film version where he scares the shit out of those bullies as he chases them into the dumpster?

There are a lot of very good things in this story, Bastian fits completely the profile of the neurodivergent child,but for those who have read the book there are some glaring details, and Yes, I know all the other interpretations and cultural symbolism going on.

But I'm looking at these from an autistic perspective, being as personal and literal as possible. Because that is how I viewed them and many others will, as a kid and teenager.

1. Despite Bastian's trauma from school and his mom's death it is up to him to fix his emotionally shut down father.

There's a new term for this, emotional incest. Google that. Emotionally Bastian has a lot going on,he and his father should really be seeing a therapist.

This topic can be controversial as it crosses into many cultural expectations of what a family is and the required roles within a family. There are various levels of toxicity that can occur in parent child relationships that result in anger later on in the child. But a parent relying on a child for emotional support is seen as the most benign.

One could say that is traditionally what children are for. From the outside pushing back at this role looks like "modern selfishness" but the inside reality is that the stress placed on a child who needs support and understanding themselves is damaging. When suppressing growth for a parent, the child does not learn to become an emotionally healthy adult.

For many neurodivergents this can look like carer abuse, infantalisation, a parent guilt tripping for all the work they do for the child. Expecting full loyalty to a parent with punishments imposed for perceived infractions.

Demanding all of a child's time. Not allowing friends, becoming jealous of online friends, hobbies, and anything that takes their attention away from the parent.

Given that as adults many disabled neurodivergents rely on their parents for support, these relationships remain complex and complicated.

2. Spending too much time in your inner world makes you less human.

For those not familiar with the second half of this book, for every wish and fantasy Bastian lives out he loses his memory and humanity. WTH?

As someone who has memory and dissociation issues this really freaked me out and made me question whether or not my dissociation, frequent need to retreat and loss of self at times was due to me being a bad, selfish person like the townspeople in the book.

Autistics and other neurodivergents have rich inner worlds that are just as real as what is going on outside them.

They are a part of this world as nature, and it is there that we often find and preserve our sense of self instead of getting lost in a sea of others.

Without them we would lose ourselves. Our humanity should never be equated with how much we outwardly participate.

3. Bastian wasn't capable of being loved before his journey.

When Bastian loses his humanity he nearly kills Atreyu but is stopped. He repents by working hard in a mountain, as a miner where he loses the last of himself, including his name in order to learn selfless love.

Hard stare. Really? Neurodivergents tend to be born selfless it seems, and we have really hard times creating boundaries for ourselves in how much we will give others and are much too open to manipulation because of it.

In my mind Bastian is already doing far too much emotional labour for a child to sustain and shouldn't be required to have to work on top of that for love to be given him.

More messages towards us about being selfless only harms us and makes us feel guilty for not draining ourselves dry for others.

Reiterating again, that Esoterica and symbolism, metaphors etc...are my special interest, I know what the esoteric symbolism of all this is but most children will not and Will take this aspect literally.

Overall none of his physical issues such as Body positivity, the school and bully situation nor any other issues were addressed. His real fear was part of his "overactive imagination" that he had to overcome.

This gaslights many neurological disabilities and experiences with the world, where synesthesia, sensory processing differences and executive Dysfunction are labelled imaginary and trauma around them is exasperated.

Spirited Away

This is the film that inspired this. Because I loved this. Miyazaki truly knows how to capture the soul of nature.

Some back story about anime you truly need to know before we move on.

If you're autistic, and fan of Anno Hideki creator of Evangelion, also a fellow autistic, who also worked with studio Ghibli, then you probably know what he means when he stated that anime and manga are an inherently autistic medium.

Paraphrasing Anno:

Your goal is to reach out and connect with others deeply and emotionally.

The main way this is achieved is having the emotional interior of people reversed, showing every emotion externally.

In anime all the huge feelings, trauma and anxiety that usually go on inside someone are shown on the outside. This makes it really relatable and easy to connect emotionally to the characters.

Big secret though, non-neurodivergents assume a lot of the emotions are exaggerated and the trials and stages the characters go through are metaphors.

If you are neurodivergent, you know they are not. Many things are literally what is happening to us on the inside, how certain things feel.

I'll give examples when I talk about Spirited Away, but if you are further curious, Google Newtypes from the Mobile Suit Gundam saga and Evangelion.

This unique feature and style, of emotions began in the Tokugawa Era as a form of non-violent rebellion against the imposed socially rigid caste system and militarism of the era that saw creativity as superfluous.

Anything different, mysterious, unknown, imaginative and emotional did not meet the new "social norms" of the shogunate era and were rejected.

Artists and writers, the creative castes, started making woodblock prints of fantasy scenes and stories in a style now known as manga.

They kept Non-linear, neurodivergent thought and ways of being alive during that violent time period when many creators were imprisoned.

Ok, with that on to Spirited Away. I'm going to focus on Autistic masking. Masking plays a huge role in this story.

Briefly, the plot is: 10 year old Chihiro, on the way to her new home is spirited away with her parents. Going against her instincts she follows them into what turns out to be the holiday and pleasure district of the gods.

Her parents eat the god's food, turn into pigs and Chihiro must then sell herself to the onsen ( bath house) in order to work off the debts of her parents and save them.

The main characters that I personally relate with in this piece are Haku, the dragon boy/river god, the Faceless Spirit/Noh Face and the witch Zeneba.

So again, 3 things.

1. Masking, Chihiro is The Mask.

Chihiro, the cool, collected,lovely mixture of innocence and maturity is the mask that many autistic women grew up wearing in order to handle trauma. Be strong, brave and stoic for the sake of others. This is one set of strong messages that the film puts out.

In the bridge scene where Haku and Chihiro, under an invisibility spell, cross the bridge to the bathhouse; in order to cross without being seen Chihiro must hold her breath.

That is what Autistic masking literally feels like, the fear of being seen, caught and punished for who we are and the sharp pain of inhaled breath held, for too long, and slow suffocation.

Chihiro's journey will feel familiar to many young autistics who are learning about themselves and the people around them and how they fit into the social structures here. Chihiro is a foreigner and awkwardly trying to stay out of trouble.

There isn't a structure that fits her. She's scolded and hindered for simply existing in that space not meant for her. But she has a task to complete, so she has to figure out a way to make things work.

Being survival, task and mission oriented is a strong point of being Autistic. It's part of our ability to be perseverant.

It can be so strong that your mind creates different ways of being to hide and protect the most sensitive parts of itself, to protect the parts that are different.

Chihiro's final line in the film is:

"Don't worry, I think I can handle it."

She's resolute in her maintaining a stoic mask, which is implied as part of growing up. This message is toxic to Autistics

For a lot of us Autistics this line recalls childhood trauma and masking. The exact phrase we would say to "make things work" for ourselves. Suppressing our needs in order to appear mature and keep our parents and those around us comfortable.

If the bathhouse is supposed to represent life and the social- economic reality, then it's the same reality so many face, forced to change and pretend they fit into society. This message about masking feels at odds with the "re-discovering your true self" message that we get with Haku.

The river dragon spirit, Haku literally represents what masking your true self can look like. Under Yubaba he loses sense of his true nature, physically grows pale and steely eyed. He isn't conscious of the spell Yubaba has placed in him. Masking isn't conscious to a lot of Autistics either.

As an apprentice Haku carries out orders no matter what the danger is to himself. Putting ourselves in harm's way and being abused without us knowing is an outcome of masking. When masking we are in the position of copying others feeling very much like "apprentice non-autistics".

We want to please in order to survive and feel adequate with others. In the scene when Haku is bleeding to death and Yubaba kicks him into the incinerator to be disposed of, that unfortunately is a real emotional outcome to many abusive relationships built through masking. Relationships fail once we burn out.

In order to show his true nature, Haku actively fights inside himself when helping Chihiro. He plays double agent throughout the film. And then has to be saved from himself by Chihiro.

Do I need to be saved from myself?

Do I seem as cold and distant as Haku?

Am I and my masking setting a bad example, a burden to seemingly purer people like Chihiro who haven't quite learned to mask yet?

These questions flitter and linger for a long time. There's a pang of sadness in them.

It's an extremely complicated issue which is further complicated when navigating personal boundaries and what is felt to be personally owed to others, it changes with each situation.

During the train scene when Chihiro is given time to process her predicament you can literally see her mentally forming her mask, the mask that's prepared to take responsibility for others mistakes.

It's the same mask we create to carry the burden of being social and appropriate when no one else is, the mask that self blames and takes up energy. Chihiro takes responsibility for everything.

There is again that message of sacrificing your well being for others that is pushed. She is the only one actively trying to save both her parents and Haku.

Being a heroine doesn't have to be about saving others, or being responsible for them, especially when they are capable of finding their own solutions. There are so many different ways to show love and support.

It isn't about being selfish and just taking care of yourself, for many Autistics and those with multiple disabilities, caring for others in this manner isn't an option but feeling guilty for not doing this is a constant to many.

Who this message is being directed to, needs to change. It should not be directed at vulnerable girls or any children who will worry and have anxiety about themselves.

The reality of many situations where change is needed from someone in authority, parent or any other institution is that it fails to occur. Children or other exploited parties are made responsible for that failure.

If an Autistic fails to fit in, it's never societies fault, the burden of change and guilt is always put on the autistic. And in order to shoulder it, masking occurs. How long is she going to be able to keep up that tough girl facade?

2. Home

In the opening of the film Chihiro is upset at what would honestly be devastating for someone who relies on "their world" to make sense of who they are. Moving, no home to return to. This concept literally is played out with Haku and Noh Face.

Haku's river is destroyed, because of this he loses his identity and falls prey to those who would enslave him. An identity that changes with physical environment is common. Some autistics, like myself, unconsciously build an identity or mask that fits specifically to our environment.

Environment becomes routine along with all of the sensory stimulus and sensitivity, our bodies physically bond to what is comfortable to us. And when that changes, so does a whole persona or personality mask.

When it is an unexpected and forced change, it is traumatizing. In my own experience, I've moved 10 times in a single year at the age of 14. Only 4 years older than Chihiro.

That caused a shutdown that I'm still experiencing the effects of 20 years later. Losing those connections is never a matter of letting go and moving on. They are grieved and must be processed at length.

On the way out of the forest Chihiro's father notices how quiet she is, both parents finally are paying attention to the emotional reality of their child. If they had listened and paid attention to her intuition, warnings and signs of trauma, in the beginning, their predicament would not have occurred. They might not have even moved in the first place.

"A new home and school, it is a bit scary," her father says. To which Chihiro replies that she can now handle it.

Chihiro, suppressing her original concern and the trauma of her experience, now gaslights herself, after she's gone through the process of learning how to perform emotional and mental labour for others through masking as an act of love.

An act of love, that's how mainstream society positions suppressing the needs of the disabled. You're told if you love your parents, your family, don't cause problems, don't cause trouble.

Oh, your having trouble at school, at work, at home? Disabilities are framed as trouble in this manner, the same way one speaks of a misdemeanor or crime. It subtlety shifts feelings of fault and blame onto the disabled. When it comes to Autistics the way we understand our self and our experience of the environment is often blamed as the cause of troubles.

For us the Non-autistic world is assaulting both physically and emotionally. It's a mess of social and psychological mind games and head traps that make us chronically ill. We have to create our own environments to dwell and recover in each night.

For a large proportion of us, we experience time and space Non-linearly. Which means events are not chronological, they don't neatly line up in our minds.

Our experience of the world is like the concepts of Ukiyo and Yugen. Transience, ethereal and profound depth of feeling. Events, people, places float in and out with moments of deep joy and sadness to help us make sense of time.

Miyazaki makes full use of this narrative tradition in his storytelling with vast spaces and characters who on the surface are only loosely associated with each other yet deeply connected.

In our world connection is not linear, nor emotions. Associative thinking leads us to make broad connections in ways that branch out and lead us to discoveries that seem impossible or were unknown to many because the right associations couldn't be made in their linear minds.

Non-linear emotions mean that we don't process events as they happen. It's too much to take in, emotions float in us, incubating until they are ready to be understood. The moment this happens is usually triggered by seemingly unconnected events but to which our minds have made connections to, enough to bring us to full circle. Different mental processing times mean reactions and effects come later, long after expected.

3. Noh face. Portraying other as grotesque.

The best for last.

Noh face as in the Noh theatre, because the mask they wear, delights and troubles in it's accurate yet disturbing qualities. The spirit does not speak except to make pleading utterances. The faceless spirit is sad, mysterious, interesting,terrifying and revolting all at once.

When it is invited into the bathhouse it begins to eat several of the workers and gains the ability to speak and their personality traits.

It is one of the most grotesque and extreme moments in the film. It can make you squirm. But it's also the most literal example of what it can be like to mask.

There is a certain type of masking that occurs for autistics who also experience dissociation, derealisation and depersonalisation.

It's the least understood and most vital to understand; this is how the brain involuntarily forces command or auto-pilot, for survival in situations it deems life threatening.

When around other people these autistics physically feel themselves absorb the energy, the personalities, emotions and desires of other people, so much so that it overwhelms their mind/ soul, their identity and sense of who they are.

They can lose track of where they are and what they say and do ; literally becoming "drunk" on other people, acting erratically or hyper with a loss of inhibition.

They may do and say things they wouldn't have before and never would alone, when caught in the energy of the crowd or moment. And often they can't quite remember what occurred until afterwards. It's an uncomfortable and frightening experience to not be in control, to feel like a slave to others wills .

With this type of masking the autistic may be aware of it or might not be, but they are not in control of when it happens or with who. It occurs on a daily basis this absorption of personas and others traits. It's chaotic inside, an ever changing kaleidoscope of thoughts and feelings that are almost never your own.

Physically, after socialising, especially if it's from a party, when this type of autistic is alone, people hangover sets in.

People hangovers, even though I don't drink that's the best definition I have of it, you feel ill enough that you vomit; as you would expect with all of this swirling chaos.

The only way to end it is to sleep it off as you psychologically purge all the fragments of others out. This is another physical sensation as you feel yourself emptying and regaining control. This process can feel like being scrubbed raw, internally.

This masking isn't done out of "loneliness" as is the reason given by the Noh Face. But having no one to understand and going through this alone, does build up and can increase the feelings of desperation to have a stable self.

In the scene when Chihiro gives the Noh face the expectorant, and they vomit just as Haku did, as all the people they consumed left, they returned to their original small form, no longer able to speak.

Chihiro, in that scene is the only one with boundaries, she masks her fear and listens, using her knowledge to give the Noh Face what they really need. She presents a kind, calm and stable force that counters chaos.

It's no wonder the Noh Face wants to absorb her. She's the ultimate mask that it can then have to feel whole and interact with others finally.

But it still would not be their own.

On a side note, it is for this very reason that Noh Face is finally paired with the witch Zaneba, whose line "hmmm, what else can we mess with?" is my favourite. Zaneba sees the structure of the bathhouse and wants to disrupt it.

Due to the chaos occurring inside these type of autistics, instead of trying to order life in a structured or "tidy" way, they impose chaos externally. As long as it is their chaos, this ordered chaos approach is effective in coping with life.

Roles, duties and tasks bring about more structure than superficial order as in the bathhouse. If there's a specific function and purpose that is clear, it makes it easier to not mask, which is why the noh face is able to remain calm.

At the end of the day Zaneba and Noh Face retreat to their quiet home, where function and roles are simple. Personally that's where I'd like to stay, if I were Chihiro I wouldn't have returned.

That's a final point, the "fantasy" world is always made out to be lesser than our shared reality. But is it really? Our inner worlds are what make it possible to survive in the outer world. It's where we process and draw strength to combat the hostility we encounter daily.

They aren't something you abandon in childhood, but a necessary life skill that develops further with age. The fantasy retreat is vital for rest and reclamation of self from society. Not something to be left behind.

So there you have it. My rough autistic sense on what messages an autistic/neurodivergent might take away from popular story narratives and elements in children's fiction and film.

33 notes · View notes

trustyourgutblog · 5 years

Text

❁ Intro. Q&A with S&C ❁

❁ What is your favorite type of movement?

S: I struggled with movement for a long time. Exercise was categorized as a chore in my brain growing up. I had parents who LOVED running, yet running always made me feel like I was dying. I discovered yoga in late high school. Last year, I completely fell in love with a studio that incorporates HIIT, core, and heat to create a dynamic workout. I'm obsessed! It's my therapy, workout, community, and whole heart in one. I also love that yoga is a competition against yourself - constantly bettering your own practice, rather than focused on competition against others.

C: Growing up I was always active and involved in sports like basketball and track. I’ve ALWAYS hated the running aspect, but every now and then I’ll go for a jog outside if it’s nice out. Now that I get to choose my workouts, I enjoy a combination of lifting, yoga, and HIIT workouts. My workout split typically looks like 4 days of lifting and HIIT and 1-2 days of yoga. On rest days, I always start my mornings with a short yoga flow or light stretching. I also enjoy the hot yoga classes that S talked about above! Hot yoga is what brought us together :).

❁ What is your favorite way to de-stress?

S: Oh god. Anything alone. Seriously. I am extroverted until I hit my limit and once I hit that limit it is a hard crash. I recently moved to a really friendly neighborhood and have loved riding my bike to the library, curling up in my hammock, and reading a great book while listening to some instrumental tunes.

C: So many different ways! As a social worker, in order to be effective, I have to be on top of my self-care at all times. Journaling, meditation, yoga, reading, walking, and playing with my dogs and cats are some of my favorite ways to de-stress. I also find that using ear seeds helps when I’m experiencing high levels of stress or anxiety. Stay tuned for more ear seed info. in later blog posts!

❁ What is your favorite self-care strategy?

S: I need to be organized. I like knowing what food I'm going to eat the next day, having everything written out and color-coded in my planner, etc. I do really well when everything is put in its place and prepped for the next day - to a fault. I tend to deal with my high maintenance personality with obsessive organization because it is the type of self-care that directly combats my ADHD brain and keeps me functioning.

C: In addition to the ways that I de-stress above, I find a sense of calm in my weekly routine. At the beginning of the week, I enjoy cooking and meal prepping lunches for work, cleaning, and journaling my goals and intentions for the week. I have a Panda Planner that I like to use to stay organized. I also feel my best when I’m taking care of myself (i.e. focusing on eating well, being active, and maintaining my beauty/skincare routine).

❁ What are your health passions?

S: I have been on and off vegan for 6 years. I decided to start it back up at the beginning of this year, and 99% of the time I follow veganism. That's a HUGE passion of mine. I also recently started cycle syncing and I can't shut up about it!! I'm so excited to see what benefits it will provide. I'm a RYT200 yoga teacher with certifications in trauma-informed, children's, and teen yoga - I'm particularly passionate about incorporating vulnerability and mental health aspects into my practice. Lastly, I struggle with physical health (Endometriosis diagnosis) and mental health (GAD - Generalized Anxiety Disorder & ADD - Attention Deficit Disorder diagnosis), this has been a huge journey for me over the past two years. I am currently at a point where I manage these diagnoses really well naturally and it's important to me.

C: GUT HEALTH, GUT HEALTH, GUT HEALTH! That is what inspired the name for this blog! I find that my gut health impacts my skin, moods, weight, energy level, and my overall well-being. I was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease and IBD in 2016 and have been focused on healing myself with a combination of Western Medicine-based medication, nutrition and journaling food sensitivities, vitamin supplements, movement, and strategies to improve my mental health. Don’t get me wrong - I’m very passionate about mental health in general as I’m a practicing therapist, however, I tend to get burnt out on focusing on mental health only as it is often difficult for my consumers to incorporate a holistic approach. I am also passionate about movement and working on my fitness, as Fergie would say. There’s something uplifting about accomplishing a new fitness goal whether it’s increasing my weights in lifting or holding a headstand in yoga (still working on that one lol).

❁ What led you to wholistic wellness?

S: I had parents who made a huge lifestyle change right after my freshman year of high school. As a family, we went vegan cold turkey (or is it cold tofurkey? pls laugh) and my Mom poured her heart and soul into researching natural alternatives. I have had my own battle with balancing traditional medicine with more holistic results. I very strongly believe in wholistic approaches - I'm not against medication by any means, but I believe it's so so important to treat the whole person and that there is no "one size fits all" approach.

C: Growing up, I didn’t think there was anything particularly “unhealthy” about my lifestyle, but reflecting back as an adult, I can definitely say that we were not a household that was focused on optimal nutrition. We drank gallons of milk and Sunny D and ate maybe a serving of canned vegetables per day. We were active, so no one in my family was overweight, but I think my parents were just raising us on foods that they grew up on (that and canning became all the rage in the 90’s). I would say that I became passionate about holistic approaches to my health shortly after I was diagnosed with Crohn’s and was trying to learn to manage my symptoms. I had a lot of inflammation in 2016 and was prescribed a low dosage of steroids until my doctor prescribed immunosuppressants to keep my immune system from attacking my colon. I began focusing on more holistic approaches when I noticed that medication alone wasn’t making me feel 100%. Sure, it stopped my active inflammation, however, I was still struggling with stomach cramping, diarrhea, and chronic fatigue. About 1 year after I was diagnosed, my husband and I moved to a larger area where I had access to more specialized medical providers. My new gastroenterologist (GI) referred me to a nutritionist who helped me to learn to identify my food sensitivities. She also referred me to a behavioral health psychologist who provided me with an outlet for my stress and anxiety. I began to learn that I was holding chronic tension in my stomach whenever I was stressed or anxious about something. That’s when I began to understand the importance of holistic health.

❁ What is your personal social media?

S: @sarahlhively on Instagram

C: @cassandruh_dee on Instagram

❁ What kind of posts can I expect to see on this blog?

S: I'm really excited to talk about managing mental health naturally (particularly anxiety), possible book recommendations, self-care, and healthy meal prepping while on a broke college student’s budget.

C: I look forward to sharing my personal experiences with navigating my chronic health issues, nutrition, FODMAPs, gut health, mental health, the gut-brain connection, fitness/movement, and self-care.

❁ Why social work?

S: It's nice to not have this question followed up by "you know you'd make much more money as _______. Is it too late to change your major?" But for real. I started college as a special education major, quickly realized I'd rather do pretty much anything other than write lesson plans, and switched to being a WGST major. I expected to be able to get a job doing advocacy work with a particular focus on LGBTQ+ & women issues. I soon realized the WGST track is for students who eventually want to do research and social work was more what I was looking for. I never looked back. The multiple directions a social work degree can be taken in, the continually changing cases, the advocacy, vulnerability, and seeking justice for people all capture my heart.

C: I have always been passionate about having a career centered around helping people. I became interested in therapy after having a particularly negative experience with a therapist that my dad sent me to when I was getting caught in the middle of my parent’s divorce and I experienced some trauma. I originally pursued psychology, however, fell into social work when I figured out that there are so many different opportunities available for MSWs. I truly love my job and feel grateful to be compensated (FYI times have changed and not all social workers make next to nothing - thank the universe) for serving the children and families on my caseload

#wellness #holistic #vegan #health #health & fitness #nutrition #self healing #mental health #social work #yoga #movement #guthealth #chronic disease

10 notes · View notes

theywereroommatesss · 5 years

Note

childhood headcanons for snake and ace?

//sorry this took such a long time to get out, my life has been hectic as fuck!!//

Snake:

Grew up as an only child with his mother in a small NY apartment. He and his mom were very close, quiet people, and a lot of his time was spent alone, entertaining himself and staying out of the way when he could. His mom taught him a lot about housekeeping, which was good because as a single parent, she had to leave him on his own for extended periods of time from a fairly young age. As such, Snake was always a very independent and self-sufficient child, and this would serve him well when he left home abruptly in his early teens.

Snake was never a particularly healthy child. He seemed to succumb to colds and general feelings of malaise more often than his peers. He’s always had a strong aversion to cold temperatures, something that Ace used to tease him about since it made his nickname that much more fitting. Now that it impacts his health more severely the joke has been dropped entirely.

Art has always been one of Snake’s greatest passions. He doodled religiously in school and collected pencils, erasers, markers, and any other art related paraphernalia he could get his small hands on. The margins of his homework were always filled with intricate lineart. Flowers, scales, and mandala patterns were his favourite things, and by the time he reached highschool his teachers had finally given up on reprimanding him for making a mess of his work. His hands (despite his best efforts to keep them clean) almost always had an ink stain or two. It was a wonder he never ruined any of his clothes.

Snake was the first addition to Ace’s eventual gang of friends, and helped with the “recruitment” of the other members over time. Coming off as softer and perhaps more personable than Ace, he was a valuable asset in encouraging others to join with the promise of brotherhood and safety in numbers. While Ace offered the strength and security of a leader, Snake presented himself as a support system and something of a counsellor to the people in his life, so the role of the gang’s matriarch was a natural fit for him. He was always the first to hone in on his friends’ changes in mood and could always be depended on to offer a shoulder to cry on or a listening and sympathetic ear.

In contrast to his friends, Snake is the cleanest and most well kept of the gang. He has always taken a lot of pride in his appearance and would often be found preening himself whenever appropriate; before bed, before school, before any sort of social interaction. He insisted on growing his hair out when he was very small, and as soon as it was long enough his mother taught him to braid it for himself. He would keep it tied back like that more often than not, glad to have a method of keeping his hair clean and out of his face. He got called a girl a lot for this, but for some reason that never seemed to bother him much…

Snake’s favourite foods growing up were onigiri and honey crackers.

Ace:

The second oldest of five kids, Ace grew up in a townhouse with his siblings, parents, and nonna. The Coppola household was a place of raucous noise; always bustling with family squeezed into spaces just tight enough to verge on uncomfortable. There wasn’t much room for privacy or quiet self reflection, and something always seemed to be happening at any given time. As a result, Ace learned to speak his mind and speak to be heard from a very young age to ensure his voice didn’t get drowned out by the cacophony. The concept of an inside voice was something that Snake and others had to introduce him to. To this day, he still hasn’t quite mastered the art of matching the tone of a room, and he struggles to keep himself from speaking over others. On the plus side, this made for fairly effective leadership (if you speak loudly enough, people have little choice other than to listen).

Ace didn’t make note of many health problems when he was a child, but that wasn’t for lack of them. There were a handful of concerns he had, it was just that being part of such a large family made it difficult for him to speak up about them. Once he started school, it didn’t take long for him to start experiencing near constant headaches during classes, accompanied with plenty of fidgeting and squinting. Far things appeared blurry and vague, distractions loomed ever present around every corner. If anyone had been paying attention, the co-morbid diagnosis of nearsightedness and possible adhd might have been presented to him much more quickly, unfortunately that just wasn’t to be. It wouldn’t be until years later, in his 20s, that Ace would finally get a prescription for eyeglasses and anxiety medication. In the meantime, a pair of well worn aviator shades given to him by his older brother, Tony, helped dim lights enough for him to dull the headaches and find his focus (a little bit, at least).

Music was a huge part of Ace’s childhood. His father had an extensive collection of rock records and cassettes, and it wasn’t uncommon for post-dinner family time to consist of chilling out in the family room with some tunes on in the background and soft conversation. They were some of the only times when his family could be trusted to hush up a bit, if only to let the music speak for itself. When Tony brought home a guitar one year, they tried playing it together all summer; plucking away clumsily along with Tony’s favourite albums. In the end, Ace actually showed more promise than Tony did, and he inherited Tony’s guitar a few years later. When things got rough as Ace grew up, he would often tuck himself away in the solitude of Tony’s room and play until his fingers felt raw from the effort. It was one of the things that kept him going, more than anything else.

Ace was always well suited for a leader role, so it was easy for him to assume the same position in his gang. He did a lot of babysitting at home for his younger brothers and it taught him a lot about taking responsibility and initiative for the happiness, safety, and well-being of those around him (occasionally to his own personal detriment). He would kill for his Boys (or at the very least, maim if need be). It wasn’t uncommon for his fervor to get him into more trouble than it was worth…

Ace’s favourite foods growing up were slurpees (anything but lime), cheese crackers, and his nonna’s homemade bolognese.

#anonymous #ooc: this took so fucking long i want to die #snake ppg #snace #ace ppg #ace d copular #ace coppola #sanford d ingleberry #ppg #ggg #gangreen gang #double slimes #ooc #ask blog

52 notes · View notes

soulvomit · 5 years

Text

I feel like one of the things that's getting unpacked in my analysis and personal narrative around the 80s and 90s, is that so much liberal white culture was basically white middle class/aspirationalist culture with superficially progressive values. (Not on the whole, everywhere. But this is the culture "liberalism" is often used to describe, by both wings.)

The main thing was the receding of counterculture and the rise of lifestyle liberalism: a focus in a lot of superficially progressive thought on how progressive environments allowed for more individualism and more freedom of self-actualization and self-expression for *privileged* people.

They recognized "normie culture" as a problem, but their main praxis was around their experience of this culture as individuals, and how mainstream white culture was oppressive to their personal freedoms.

So it makes sense that any feminism that came out of this, would serve the same ends.

So many 1960s-1990s feminist men recognized toxic masculinity, but saw toxic masculinity as a system of responsibilities and obligations that didn't have any other components. The main thing for them was that life after the sexual revolution was more fun, and that feminism let them off the hook for having to pay the bills on it.

To not be uncharitable, there is a lot about the environment of the collapsing middle social strata, because many low-education-requiring middle income jobs disappeared in the 70s and 80s (this is the other side of the "slacker culture" equation, my generation were the canaries in the coal mine that collapsed upon yours.)

But the environment in which many in my generation came up, in middle class and affluent liberal environments, was the kind of self-improvement/personal freedom/enjoyment liberalism that I'm describing. I remember claiming to be "traditional" and hiding behind my Jewish identity as a teenager just to escape being bullied by liberal-identified men. Traditionalist men often acted more respectful, just a tiny little bit, on the condition that they believed I was actually a virgin, or good at playing "respectability politics." I wasn't good at that.

This is the environment that probably produced a big spike in neo-traditionalism, because this kind of a culture was not sustainable in the long run without a strong middle class base to support it. People have been sick of it for a long time, and without the middle class, what we saw now are the behaviors of the most privileged people (who have always enjoyed more personal and sexual liberties) where these behaviors stood out in sharp relief.

What's happened in my worlds is that the people who were not already actually marginalized, who were along for the ride until the party ended, jumped off of the liberal train and many went full trad and or right wing. Some who are old school liberals now identify as libertarian.

But what we had in the 80s and 90s were white, middle class and affluent liberals who didn't want to deal with the genuinely marginalized, and had zero analysis or unpacking around that, and had zero analysis whatsoever around actual intercultural etiquette, but found that progressive spaces made their own individual lives more personally enjoyable. They got to enjoy a bigger array of consumer choices and enjoy a broader range of lifestyles which were still restricted to other people.

In short, liberal culture ended up leveraging the gains of radical or socially progressive movements to gain *more* privilege and *more* hegemonic cultural capital, as in the post-60s world, so many things became de-radicalized for non-marginalized people that remained radicalized or restricted for everyone else.

There is a whole analysis here about why 90s/Aughts edgelord humor was treated like protected speech: because privileged liberalism was generally treated like a social environment or set of lifestyle choices to begin with. Even in the 50s, it's not like someone could just say anything at all in any public space. Progressivism at some point came to be conflated with lifestyle liberalism.

To restrict what would otherwise be a huge topic, because I want to narrow the focus on gender and dating in the 80s and early 90s, the thing is that 80s pop feminism 100% focused on the self-actualization goals of privileged women, and there were lots of constructions of feminism that primarily benefited cis het men, and there was still quite a "swinging singles" culture left over from the 60s and 70s that Boomers were hanging out in. (My mom, who separated from my dad in 1987 and remarried in 1992, could tell you all about it.)

I went all over the place in this post but hopefully there is some kind of point to it. I mean to go on to talk about the culture of 80s and 90s hetero dating, the total joke of my coming out bi in the early 90s (believe it or not, it got a *bit* better!), and I also mean to talk about "codependency culture" and the impact it had on middle class social spaces. The thing is, this whole topic just has so much to unpack and so many interrelated moving parts.

#80s life

6 notes · View notes

hazzabeeforlou · 5 years

Text

11 questions

Yes I did this a bit ago but @helloamhere (thank you, ily, have fun bussing around Europe, did that once, had to follow apple maps to know where to get off ‘cause I speak ZERO German...) tagged me and I’m an anxious mess waiting for medical news today so WHY NOT!

Rules: answer 11 questions then pose 11 of your own.

1. What do you think fanfic does better than published fiction (if anything?)

Okay obvious answer and not very high brow, but SMUT. You will not see me perusing the gay aisles of Barnes and Noble romance novels :) For various reasons :)

2. What do you think it does worse

I think (maybe it’s just this fandom) overall it’s quite a bit more sanitary than novels, both in morality and subject matter. I hate to think what the purity police would say about some of the books I’ve read... especially the old ones? But then I usually come here looking for fluff and happiness too so perhaps that’s just the major draw of fanfic, idk.

3. What’s something another fandom has or does that you wish your fandom had or did?

To be honest I’m not well versed in other fandoms, but I’m going to go with I wish this fandom didn’t have constant infighting. Seriously in all my born days I have never seen a group of people claim such a similar goal and yet devour each other so viciously. Hence I usually avoid anything incredibly explosive or triggering here; I deal with and confront radical people (religious extremists, right wing extremists) in my everyday life and I cannot bring myself to turn my escapism into that same vortex of endless arguing, though I appreciate and support those who fight the fight. I often have very sharp opinions and fall to one side or the other of the fault line, but I draw a personal boundary at a point.

4. Do you consider yourself a “fandom” type of person in general, or committed to only one, and if so, tell me more about what this means to you.

I have been a HUGE fandom person my entire life, though this is the first time I’ve ever been in a community for it. Star Wars and Narnia consumed most of my adolescence, along with Lord of the Rings. I briefly dabbled in Dr. Who and Merlin (as one does) but because I didn't read HP until nearly the end of college, I kindof missed out on that one. Basically anything geeky or fantasy driven I have always loved, and I can’t really explain how I ended up here? But this is the only fandom I’m active in socially. The power of HL I guess...

5. I’m trying to get through writing a first draft right now and it’s a slog. How do you stay motivated for long projects, writing or otherwise?

Ah. A call out question! Like any good Aries, I love starting new things! And then letting them to languish unfinished. I have, however, trained in classical music, and thus I’ve programmed myself to just keep doing the thing because pieces take months and months and months to perfect and if you can’t stick with a project, you go nowhere. I also operate on a reward system, as in writing is the reward for practicing, then when I’m sick of words I go back to music, and so the turn tables. I have learned to ignore (I’m great at ostrich-ing) the crushing self doubt of creativity and just bulldoze ahead and do the thing, which results in very messy first drafts and often bad habits in my musical technique and a tendency to overplay, which wastes energy, but rehearsals wait for no one. I also thrive on last minute deadlines!

6. Tell me about what you read as a kid. Favorite book? Or if you weren’t into reading then, favorite TV show, etc?

I HAVE SO MANY. Narnia was my first love. I also adored George MacDonald (At The Back of the North Wind is a fucking masterpiece). My mom hardly let me read Redwall (see: hints of magic) but when she caved I devoured all of those. Anne of Green Gables. American Girl stuff (lots of it, yes Josefina and Kaya were my faves). I read far too many Star Wars expanded universe novels (New Jedi Order shaped me as a person, esp Traitor). I remember reading all the Eragon series, though these were dubiously approved... and I read various classics, as one is supposed to. In high school I printed out the entire Beowulf in Old English, got a CD of a dude reading it, and proceeded to memorize the first several lines. I can still recite Anglo Saxon but I have no clue what it means (see: I’m a good mimic). Everything non-Christian-magic-related I read during or after college, sigh.

7. Have your tastes changed?

This sounds bad but not really. I rarely read non fiction, oops. Biographies are a slog for me. I dislike historical fiction and I don’t have a good reason for that. I do love a good mystery, but usually not in book form (audio or visual Agatha Christie is my mana). I do adore socio-policial books, though (The Better Angels of our Nature a good example) or books doing a deep dive into a historical topic. These days I enjoy a good satire more than much else, and since I started on Terry Pratchett in 2016 I haven’t looked back.

8. I’ll steal your question above--tell me about a fic that changed you, or became a “touchstone” fic that you go back to!!

I didn’t read fics period when I entered the fandom, and stubbornly maintained that for a while, but the fic that changed my mind was (Take Me Home) Country Roads by @a-writerwrites (Awriterwrites). I read it during a drive through the very parts of the USA it’s set in, and I couldn’t put it down, spotty internet be damned. From there @horsegirlharry birthed me into the gay 1D world, though I can’t for the life of me remember which of hers I first read! (Does it matter? They’re all so beautiful...)

9. Tell me about a WIP, if applicable. How’s it going?? It sounds great.

I’m plodding along on The Garden, it’s going well, but urgency isn’t a priority. It’s going to be one of those things that I finish and then go in and make matter because right now my ideas are half formed and I know I’ll eventually know where I’m going but it’s a case of blind trust in instinct at this point!

10. What’s your favorite place to read and sitting position?

Like a true gay I cannot sit normally in a chair, coupled with my pain issues means I’m usually draped over the back of something with a cushy lumbar support, massive pillow, or propped sideways lying down. I love reading outside, but have a tendency to attract bugs, also I’m very light sensitive so my eyes hate the sun, especially if I’m reading from a screen.

11. Do you feel like fic reading and writing is social for you? E.g. do you share with friends (in or outside of fandom), or are you a lone wolf seeking out your fics in the dead of night??

I LOVE the social aspect of fic reading and writing within fandom! I have shared PITS with only two real life friends though; I am very tight lipped about the fact that I write fic. People are cruel and musicians are judgmental arseholes and if I prefer to spend my days dreaming up love stories for my OTP instead of pouring over scores, that’s my fucking business.

Alright, 11 from me (I wanted to include artists too so!!):

1. Are you a start small-work larger type creator, or map everything out then attend to detail?

2. What style of art/writing has most influenced your creative choices? (Genre, time period, muse)

3. How long have you been writing/arting? Is this something you knew you’d do your whole life?

4. What is your favorite thing about creating for your fandom? (reception, excitement, newness, etc.)

5. Have you met any recent creative goals that you’re really proud of?

6. What is your creative baby; what work do you want stamped on your proverbial gravestone as I MADE THIS (or have you made it yet?)

7. Do outside forces (politics, culture, hegemonies) play into your creations? Do you intentionally or subconsciously subvert norms or explore ideas?

8. Your creative mind is a garden. Describe what kind it would be and what it would contain (i.e. rock garden, palace garden, wildflowers, rose... etc.)

9. Do you believe that creative art has power and if so, how do you hope yours impacts others?

10. I’m double stealing this question: what’s a fic or fan art that changed your life or was a touchstone for you?

11. If you could pick any hero of yours to read/look at your creations, who would it be and why?

TOTALLY only if you want to, but @13ways-of-looking @twopoppies @alienfuckeronmain @prettytruthsandlies @pattern-pals @newleafover @disgruntledkittenface @lesbianiconharrystyles @lululawrence

#writing stuff #about me

11 notes · View notes

enneagramspam · 5 years

Text

VERONICA SAWYER

6w7

“I wish you'd come with me-“

In response to a question asked over on r/enneafiction.

Veronica’s Six core is exploited at every turn throughout Heathers, the Musical and the clashing of her loyalty to her ideals with the desire to feel safe and secure ultimately results in an abrupt and extreme disintegration over the course of the show.

Basic Fear: Of being without support and guidance / Basic Desire: To have security and support

“I wanted someone strong who could protect me…”

Veronica wants, more than anything else, for someone to have her back in a world she perceives as dangerous and frightening. This is made abundantly clear in Fight For Me, the song where she falls in love with JD after seeing him defend himself. The repeated lyric; “I would fight for you // If you would fight for me,” is the most obvious example- the world itself might remain unsafe, but the potential security to be found in another person is a huge draw for her (“Could you carry me through no man's land?”).

This isn’t the first instance of Veronica’s safety seeking behaviour, however- it’s present as early as Beautiful, when she asks the Heathers; “Um. Let me sit at your table, at lunch. Just once. No talking necessary. If people think that you guys tolerate me, then they'll leave me alone…” Veronica isn’t interested in spending time with the Heathers for the sake of popularity or self-affirmation- it’s as a shield. Beautiful also sees her scrambling out of the way of anyone who might pose a threat (“Oh, sorry!” // “Aah, nothing!”), except, notably, when Martha is the one being threatened, where the first glimpse of a counterphobic Veronica emerges; “Pick that up right now … I wanna know what gives you the right to pick on my friend.” Sixes are loyal to their friends, but also to their beliefs- Veronica has a strong sense of justice and a conviction that things can become better again;

“But I know, I know...

Life can be beautiful

I pray, I pray

For a better way

We were kind before;

We can be kind once more

We can be beautiful..,”

Ultimately, it’s her loyalty to this ideal, and her ability to function counterphobically to defend and preserve it, that saves her and the school as a whole, allowing her to confront JD with the conviction that “his solution is a lie,” despite his repeated attempts to exploit her loyalty; “Please don’t leave me alone, // You were all I could trust.”

Everything comes to a head at the end of Act One. After the events of Blue leave Veronica feeling particularly defenseless, she does what a disintegrated Six is wont to, and latches onto her only source of security; JD. “You’re not alone,” he tells her, an offer of the security she is seeking, but can’t seem to find anywhere else. Veronica finds herself drawing strength from the relationship; “We’re what killed the dinosaurs, // We’re the asteroid that’s overdue,” and ultimately venerates it to religious significance, following JD’s lead; “Our love is God.” But the fantascism of these statements, and the undercurrent of violence present from the beginning of the song, betray her disintegration, and the brutality that is about to ensue. Veronica reacts with horror when she discovers that JD has in fact, murdered Kurt and Ram instead of just knocking them out as he promised, (“What the fuck have you done?”) but he remains her only source of safety, even in a world that he has just made a lot more dangerous- he is still completely loyal to her; “...I worship you // I'd trade my life for yours.” Veronica finds herself, more afraid than ever, but with no other source of potential safety, she continues to answer JD, “Our love is God,” despite the fear plain on her face, and doesn’t try to leave his embrace- letting go would mean facing her basic fear, and being without support and guidance.

Seventeen is her attempt to make their relationship into a true source of sanctuary for the pair of them, appealing to JD’s own strength of loyalty (“Can’t we be seventeen? // That’s all I want to do.”). As a Six, she is unable to make a convincing statement without acknowledging all their past pain; “Fine we’re damaged,” and the truth of more in their future, “People hurt us … And you’re right, that really blows.” The song exemplifies her Seven wing- she suggests shallow distractions from the pain, chilli fries, prom night, shopping for summer clothes- but ultimately what she is offering JD is her presence by his side; “Don’t stop looking in my eyes.” The song is filled with offers and promises of and appeals to both their senses of loyalty; “I wanna be with you,” “Your love’s too good to lose,” “Hold me tighter,” etc. Ultimately, the conclusion; “I’ll stay if I’m what you choose // If I am what you choose // ‘Cause you’re the one I choose.” sums up Veronica’s tendency towards loyalty, but also need for it, perfectly.

Disintegration to 3:

“Dreams are coming true // When people laugh but not at you!”

What drives many Sixes to disintegrate is a belief that they are not equipped to protect themselves. Veronica’s initial disintegration occurs when she joins the Heathers as a direct result of this belief- by Candy Store, she has become image-conscious enough to sabotage Martha’s popularity in order to maintain her own (and thus her own safety.) Big Fun makes it clear that this strategy, though unhealthy, is working for her, (“I'm not alone! I'm not afraid!”) and she spirals further into it.

When disintegrated, Sixes lash out- they divide the world into “them and us,” and can be driven to sabotage the “them,” in order to protect themselves. As she disintegrates further, Veronica briefly embodies an unhealthy Three’s arrogance- taken in by JD’s sweeping promises in Our Love is God- “We can start and finish wars…” and enthusiastic to play judge and jury to Kurt and Ram- but critically, not executioner. The murder is a shock to her system, and ironically, allows her to see the flaws in their previous arrogance; “We’re not “special”, we’re not “different” // We don’t choose who lives or dies.”

Integration to 9:

“Listen up folks, // War is over.”

There isn’t much opportunity for Veronica to integrate, but Seventeen (Reprise) offers us a glimpse- while as a Six, Veronica can’t put her fears aside completely; “We're all damaged, we're all frightened // We're all freaks but that's alright,” this song has a far more optimistic tone from Veronica than anything else in the whole show; “We’ll endure it, we’ll survive it.” Like a healthy Nine, she shows a willingness to let go of unproductive conflicts (“We are done with acting evil // We will lay our weapons down”,) and relationships alike, (“If no one loves me now // Someday somebody will.”) Enneagram institute describes Nines at their best as; “indomitable and all-embracing, they are able to bring people together and heal conflicts,” and that’s a perfect description of what this song is all about; “Brand new sheriff’s come to town.”

Childhood Wound: They lost faith they would be protected.

““But the sky's gonna hurt when it falls, // So you better start building some walls…”

There’s an underlying pattern in Heathers, like in many teen dramas, of adults who are essentially untrustworthy- either helpless or unwilling to lend a hand to the kids they should be responsible for. This is arguably such a pervasive theme because it lends the teenagers more agency in the plot and gives their struggles more credibility, but in Heathers, this trope is in fact a depiction of a lack of empathy from adults who truly don’t take teenagers seriously, or are in fact outright abusive or neglectful.

In Beautiful, teachers objectify Veronica, or only recognise her once she is important enough to be seen with the Heathers. Outside of her, Kurt and Ram’s fathers’ are demonstrably abusive, and their sons perpetuate that cycle of abuse by taking it out on their schoolmates. They only repent only in My Dead Gay Son- too late. Ms Fleming is apathetic towards the students whose mental health she is supposed to prioritise from her first appearance- trying to impose a detention on Heather Duke even as she vomits from her eating disorder right in front of her. In Shine A Light, her advice to the students is facile, and her motivation is more about performing for the cameras than actually making a positive impact. Altogether, Veronica lives in a world where adults simply can’t be depended upon for help or sanctuary. Her verse in Dead Girl Walking (Reprise), directed at JD, encompasses all this;

“I wish your mom had been a little stronger

I wish she stayed around a little longer

I wish your dad were good!

I wish grown-ups understood!

I wish we’d met before

They convinced you life is war!”

From Yo Girl, we know the situation applies not just to Veronica’s schoolmates, but her, too. The intertwining of her parent’s empty reassurances; “Your problems seem like life and death! // I promise, they’re not!” with the chorus’ building, ominous reminder of the very real threat of JD drawing closer and closer, “Guess who’s climbing the stairs? // Guess who’s picking the lock?” shows that her parents aren’t equipped to protect her. Childhood wounds only have to be felt- a Six can perceive themselves as vulnerable when this isn’t the truth of the situation. It’s notable that despite the present danger, she simply answers, “You wouldn’t understand,” and works to protect herself (“Veronica’s trying to keep him out, now,”) and again, doesn’t ask anyone for help during Dead Girl Walking (Reprise). All of Veronica’s experiences have clearly built her into a Six who feels she has no-one left to trust.

w7:

“Let's be normal, see bad movies // Sneak a beer and watch tv,”

Veronica often deals with her issues by retreating, shutting her eyes to the unpleasant realities of what’s going on around her, with varying success; “Dream of ivy-covered walls and smoky French cafés // Fight the urge to strike a match and set this dump ablaze!” Her conflation of her own ideals of kindness and inner beauty with the physical beauty she achieves as a result of the Heathers’ makeover is arguably made easier by her Seven wing- “When you’re beautiful // It’s a beautiful frickin’ day!”- when she fakes Heather Chandler’s suicide note, she as much confesses this; “Believe it or not, I knew about fear ... I hid behind smiles and crazy hot clothes,” although she doesn’t admit this is partly confessional. This isn’t the only instance of Veronica’s unwillingness to confront unpleasant truths in favour of happier distractions- trying to undo what’s happened with JD with chilli fries and dancing seems another example, as does her behaviour in Dead Girl Walking, wherein she opts to distract herself from her anxieties not just by returning to her source of security, (“In here it’s beautiful,”) but with seeking baser pleasure to drown out any pain; “Make this whole town disappear!”

#Veronica Sawyer #6w7 #Type 6 #Heathers the Musical #enneagram

16 notes · View notes

archangelakira · 5 years

Text

MHM

So May is Mental Health Month? Not something that ever really concerned me until recently. That being said, I think it has a much larger impact on me now given that I have begun the road to recovery from my own mental health issues. And if my story can help even one person then it's worth sharing.

Anxiety is no joke. I always had a manageable case of social anxiety growing up. You know, I was the kid that didn't really have many friends in school. I preferred to read rather than socialize. I hated being called on during class, presentations made my hands sweat profusely and made my stomach do backflips. I would hold on to a gum wrapper throughout an entire class just because I didn't want to be the center of attention when I got up to throw it away. I would suppress coughs or sneezes because I didn't like drawing attention to myself. School dances were a nightmare but for some reason I insisted on maintaining a sense of normalcy and... well, everyone else was going.

None of these things ever affected my daily life. Did they make me uncomfortable? Sure. Did I replay something stupid I said 10,000 times in my head and come up with a million better ways to have said it? Absolutely! But not once do I recall ever having an anxiety attack as a result. Although I'm sure those presentations brought me pretty close more than once.

Today is a different story. Today I fight off anxiety attacks a few times a week. What changed? Was there a turning point in my life? Did things just build up over time and eventually tip the scales? Was there some sort of traumatic event? Yep. That's it. That one, right there. Traumatic event. Flashback incoming:

Here's the thing, I had very few constant support systems in my life. Mom died at an early age. I had my dad, of course. And my brother. Had my best friend in the entire world that I had known since we were five! Gosh, she's a life saver. Probably more than she will ever know. Then I had my relationship. My other half. My S.O. We met in 2005 when we were 17 years old working a summer job at our local movie theater. Started dating in October of that year. Moved in together in December of the next year. We were the proud parents of two doggos. We spent 12 years of our lives together. Until it all came crashing down at once.

It took a only one session of speaking with a specialist for them to clearly define what had happened to me. PTSD. I always associated it with veterans and the like. People that experience extremely horrific situations on a regular level. But I guess everyone has their breaking point. So pretty much it was one loss on top of another that pushed me past mine. My best friend moved across the country. Not a huge loss... I still talk to her regularly. But part of my support system and really the only social life I had was chipped away. My dad died. Another chip. Lost my childhood home. One more chip. And then the big one. My whole world was shaken up when I lost my significant other. Then the fur babies. Things just piled up all within a short time period and I buckled under the weight of it.

I guess it started in the summer of 2017. That's when I felt my world begin to really fall apart. Bestie had recently moved. I came home from work one night and the S.O. was asleep, snoring lightly. I hung up my purse and took off my shoes. I went to wake him up when I realized that he wasn't snoring. He was gasping for air. His eyes were rolled back in his head and he couldn't breathe. To say I freaked out was an understatement. I called my brother who lived very close and he came over and asked if he had any history of night terrors. No. Seizures? Nope. So he helped me roll my boyfriend over just to eliminate the chance of choking on vomit. That's when we saw the lighter. And the aluminum foil. And the charred remains of some drug. We continued trying to wake him. I called his 'friend' that he had been spending so much time with lately. He couldn't tell me what the substance was, only that I shouldn't call an ambulance. He would come out of it, this friend assured me, and I wouldn't want authorities to find drugs in my home. What a dumb thing to believe but I was naive. Okay, so what now??? My brother and I started to carry him to my car so could make the short trip to the ER. We got about halfway through the house and my boyfriend just snapped out of it. Just popped up like nothing was wrong. Started asking us what was going on. I broke down crying on the floor. I told him if he ever did anything like that again it was over between us.

October of 2017 my dad is hospitalized. His organs are shutting down and he's on life support. For two weeks I drive an hour and a half each way every day to be at his side. Early November he passes away. I'm heartbroken but I've been through this before so I know I will recover. The funeral passes quickly this time. I guess I wasn't dreading it as much as mom's. Thanksgiving and Christmas come and go. I had moved back in with my father when he started to get sick. He left no will and the medical bills are substantial. My brother and I prepare to lose the home we grew up in. In the process of packing things I notice that my significant other is missing quite frequently. Spending the night at friends' places. Taking my vehicle.

After about a five day stretch in February of not hearing from him, having no idea who he is with, where he is, what he's doing, if he's even alive, I get on his computer to see if I can get in contact with his friends through Facebook. He hasn't replied to my texts or messages. He won't answer my calls. So I open his laptop and sign in. The first string of messages I see are to a woman named Angel. I know I shouldn't open it. I know I don't want to see whatever is in there. But I'd also like some peace of mind. After looking through months of lewd photos and videos sent between them I pick up my phone and text my best friend. I warn her to be prepared for an onslaught of ugly crying as I'm about to end my 12 year relationship.

The next message I send is to him after 10 phone calls at 4am on February 28, 2018:

You have until noon to bring my car back to me or I will report it stolen.

He calls back in less than 30 minutes. He's in the driveway before 8am. We make arrangements for him to stay in the guest room until he finds a place to live or until the bank forecloses because I'm not heartless and don't want him to be homeless. I find a place to move into shortly after and start a new chapter in my life.

A new chapter filled with insomnia, an eating disorder, depression and anxiety. See, somehow, after all that my brain decided that it was my fault the relationship failed. Because when I asked him why he did it he said he was bored. And in my mind that meant he was bored of me. I was boring. So I began to use negative self talk as a coping mechanism. I hid the breakup from my family, friends, and colleagues for months. I was ashamed. I stopped eating because my depression told me he didn't want me because I was fat. I went from 170 to 130 pounds in less than two months. I stopped sleeping because I couldn't turn off the negative thoughts. I started to have anxiety attacks when the thoughts became overwhelming. I would go to Angel's profile and look at her picture and berate myself for not being as pretty as her, or as fit, or as intriguing. I would wonder why I wasn't enough. I would clench my fists so tight my fingernails cut into the palms of my hands. My heartbeat would start racing. I would start to hyperventilate and feel sick. It got so bad that a friend from work had to tell me to go talk to someone. He knew something was up and I honestly don't know if I would be here today if he had not intervened.

So now the insomnia is under control. Most nights, anyway. I still have an episode here and there but it's no where near what it was. I started eating again and I'm maintaining a healthy 155ish pounds. The depression is significantly reduced. I'm only battling the anxiety attacks now. A few months after that friend from work suggested I speak to a specialist, we started dating. Now my anxiety attacks are mostly a fear of losing him. It usually starts with something simple, like him finding out about some insecurity that I have and then it snowballs into negative self talk then, ultimately, me convincing myself that he doesn't want to be with me either. That I'll screw up this relationship too. As if the last one was my fault. Rational me knows that I'm lucky to have an amazing, caring, understanding guy in my life. Rational me knows that the negative thoughts are ridiculous and that even if this one 'gets bored' too it wouldn't be the end of the world. Anxiety attack me is irrational. Anxiety attack me feels like everything is spiraling out of control and it IS the end of the world. Luckily, the attacks are fewer with each passing day and it doesn't feel like an endless cycle anymore. For the first time in almost a year it feels like there might actually be an end to these vicious moments. I am healing.

3 notes · View notes

francesmelchor-blog · 5 years

Text

I want to create a world where mental health and self-care is a priority. Where boys can safely be emotional and girls can be tough without judgement. I want to teach students to take care of themselves and reach for their dreams when their cultural beliefs say otherwise. It’s hard making a change in a world where we lack empathy and are not willing to change perspective. In a world where women are considered inferior to men, where cultural differences can result in arguments, I want to create change by teaching children to be more empathetic and understanding of everyone regardless of their identity. The best way for me to create this type of world, or even get closer to creating it would be by impacting those who will be our future: our children. As a school counselor, I would ensure children understand that they need to take care of their mental health and I would teach them to be more empathetic to change our world completely.

Given that there are several stigmas associated with the terms “mental health” and “self-care” that can have a negative impact on everyone, school counselors are crucial in teaching students and families to change this perception and be more accepting of new concepts. I will teach young students and their families that taking care of one’s mental health doesn’t mean you have to have anxiety or depression to reach out for help -- it could be something less severe but still important such as stress or lack of sleep. On the other hand, I would also encourage families and young students to be more accepting and understanding of mental health illnesses that are more severe such as depression and anxiety.

Early identification of any mental health issues and proper care can make a huge difference on the lives of those dealing with those issues. Simply acknowledging mental health issues during a person’s childhood can prevent bigger problems from occurring once they become adults. In other words, if we focus on taking care of ourselves at a younger age, we can have a more peaceful world where violence is decreased, stereotypes are vanishing, and empathy is increasing.

Stereotypes and stigma. Each of us is raised in a very different environment surrounded by people with a variety of views and beliefs. The environment in which a child grows up in will always have an impact on the person they grow up to be and will shape their views and beliefs. Many times, children will grow up to adopt the views of their parents, family members, and friends, including ingrained cultural beliefs that may cause harm or prevent children from succeeding in life, their careers, and/or school.

There are stereotypes that we grow up with and can’t simply shake off unless we are taught to do so. One of the more popular stereotypes is that of genders: the expression “boys will be boys” which is often used to normalize the aggressiveness of boys and essentially claims that certain actions are exclusively linked to masculinity and only apply to boys. This expression also puts a restriction on how much emotion a “boy” can show. Thus, resulting in boys getting penalized when they are “too emotional”. On the other hand, girls are limited to being “emotional, kind, and caring” so they are expected to care for others and be emotional, resulting in getting scolded when they don’t act in that manner. In other cases, cultural beliefs prevent children of any gender from showing emotions.

I grew up having to put up a strong front even when things at home became really rough. When my older brother was physically and emotionally abusing my siblings, mom, and me, I had to bottle it all up and act normal in school. When my mom was hospitalized and my siblings and I had nobody to take care of us, I had to continue going to school and acting like everything was fine. I rarely cried, asked for help, or even reflected on what was happening at home. All of this, because I grew up in a Mexican household where crying and showing emotions were seen as weaknesses regardless of gender. Yet, it was expected of me to be hopeless and emotional at the time because of the stereotypes associated with being a girl.

Had I learned that being emotional and receiving professional help from a therapist was okay regardless of my family’s cultural beliefs, I would have taken better care of my mental health and overall wellbeing. This would have allowed me to flourish and thrive earlier in my life. This would have allowed me to be more self aware and confident with who I am. Today, I have defied all sorts of cultural expectations by seeking out professional help from a therapist, by showing emotions when I need to express myself whether it be as a result of something positive or negative. I have blossomed. I often reflect on what helped me become more open about my emotions and more willing to seek help and I owe it all to mentors from college. Having so much support during my toughest hardships shaped me to become a better version of me.

Mentors are a huge reason for my succeeding and graduating from UCLA. When it felt like my biggest inspiration – my mom – was not there for me, I turned to mentors at UCLA and a college access non-profit for support, motivation, and reassurance. During my biggest adversities, they pushed me to seek professional support from the Counseling and Psychological Services at UCLA. When I was not mentally well to make decisions that would benefit me, my mentors stepped in to help me make the correct choices. I was emotionally challenged in ways I never imagined – I was forced to learn to advocate for myself and my emotional well-being, something I had never done before. Trepidatiously, I learned not to be embarrassed for seeking mental health services, sharing personal problems, and letting out years worth of repressed emotions. I felt lucky to have mentors who showed me the importance of mental health regardless of ingrained cultural beliefs.

Mentors have been such a pivotal part of my life and educational and professional accomplishments. Attending institutions that were not meant for a first-generation low-income Latina like myself comes with a lot of difficulties and mental health issues. I struggled academically due to coming from an underserved high school and being unprepared. Coming from schools where almost 100% of students were people of color, I struggled socially because of the culture shock that I experienced. All of this added to family problems at home including homelessness, only made my undergraduate experience more challenging. Yet, having mentors that provided me with much needed support helped me overcome each and every single one of those hardships. Having a mentor that will support me through another major transition will be a crucial part in ensuring my success at Harvard this coming Fall. I will be moving away from my family for the first time ever, and to top it off, I will be on the opposite side of the country. My support system will be far and out and I will be facing many new challenges stepping outside of my comfort zone. Having a mentor who will constantly check in on me and ensure that I’m taking care of my mental health while also thriving in this educational setting will be one of the most beneficial experiences for me to have in the long run.

I will also greatly benefit from the Toptal Scholarship, which would bring great relief given that finances have always been a hardship growing up. One year of attendance at Harvard costs approximately $80,000 a year, for which I would have to take out more than $60,000 in loans. The Toptal Scholarship will give me the opportunity to focus more on my education by giving me a huge financial relief. I want to dedicate my 100% to my masters program to ensure that I am fully ready to support K-12 students and providing them with the necessary resources to succeed in life, their careers, and any educational setting. Having to worry about money once again would prevent me from giving Harvard my complete attention as I would be overwhelmed with the debt that I would be accumulating while simultaneously trying to work as much as possible. I would greatly appreciate having a mentor to once again provide me unconditional support and encouragement as I navigate another institution not created for me as well as receive the financial support.

2 notes · View notes