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#see? i'm so tied to my past and can't look forward; this is my problem
bosquedemel · 2 years
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when i stop to think about it i do kinda regret deleting my blog instead of just leaving it up inactive. mostly so i could go back and see what i was blogging about in the past years. not about my life but about fandoms and whatever people were talking about on this site at the time. see what tags i wrote. that whole blog spanned almost my whole 20s and while i didn’t use it as a journal often (and those posts i saved; almost 170 pages of it), i feel like it would be nice to just see what i was interested in, in a certain year and such. i mean i remember what but the blog was like a record of it. of course now that i can’t do that is when i think about doing it. typical
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nukaberries · 1 year
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Ahh im so happy to find a blog that writes new vegas! I got into it recently and its so fun! Sometimes i get tired of hearing the radio especially if im travelling way too much, so i just start singing any song that pops into my head or talk to the companions like they're real pfft
im also way too cheery for my own good lmao, game devs knew what they were doing when there was no push button for running, you know how many times i ran into mines and kept running 🧍🏽
I kinda wanna know how the companions would react to that? A Courier who practically bounces as they walk and if its not the radio or them talking to fill the silence, its them singing as they shoot radscorpions !! Couriers not half bad at singing either! They mostly sing quietly while walking the mojave for obvious reasons but on a night they feel especially safe, they'll be singing so well people will wonder why they're not making holotapes for mr new vegas to play (esp if they say the radio gets annoying at times)im sorry this is long im just excited to see a new vegas writer that hasnt left their blog 🤧
I'm SO late to this one, I'm so sorry! But I'm so glad you're enjoying New Vegas! It's tied with Red Dead Redemption 2 as one of my favourite video games! And I'm exactly the same when I play New Vegas, the radio's never off and I have no spatial awareness. I hope this was worth the wait!! (Sorry again lmao)
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Companions React to a Loud/Chatty Courier (Includes: Arcade, Boone, Cass, Lily, Raul and Veronica)
Arcade Gannon Admittedly, he's a little intimidated at first. He agrees to go with the Courier since there's no point in him sticking around Freeside where he's not helping anyone. He just doesn't realise he's taken up with the most obnoxious person in the West. He's not annoyed by any means, in fact, the singing is actually quite a nice change from the radio. The constant talking is a little overwhelming for him at first though, as someone whose trying his best to keep his past with the Enclave a secret. He knows the Courier means no harm, and he feels a little guilty having to shut down their questions about him, knowing that they only mean well. They do bring out a different side to him he didn't know he had and he sometimes finds himself humming along to either the radio or Six's singing.
Craig Boone At first, he's annoyed by the Courier, but it's not like he has anything better to do. They're his best chance at wiping out the Legion, even if their incessant talking and singing is a little too much for him. He doesn't have a problem with them, but he prefers silence to having to begrudgingly answer someone who talks at a million miles per hour. The only time he'll really voice his complaints is when he actually needs them to be quiet, such as if they're trying to stealthily take out enemies, thankfully the Courier seems to know when to turn off their radio and stop singing. Eventually, the constant chatter and the singing - that he'll never admit is actually enough to rival the radio songs - become background noise he learns to appreciate. He'll never join in with the Courier's singing, but he tries his best to answer their questions and respond to their comments.
Rose of Sharon Cassidy Cass is another one who can't stand the Courier's chatter and singing at first, however, she's more than willing to voice this. A few times, she actually hid the Courier's Pip-Boy while they slept, unfortunately for Cass, they'd already memorised all the lyrics to Johnny Guitar and sung that on repeat for most of the day. It was starting to reach the point where Cass was certain they were doing it on purpose. The singing she hated, but the talking? She didn't mind the talking. In fact, Cass actually looked forward to the talking, she often struggled to make friends, considering her problems with whiskey, so it was nice to just make conversation sometimes. Sure, she'd still keep trying to put an end to the singing, no matter how good it was, but the talking Cass could live with.
Lily Bowen The first time Lily started travelling with the Courier, she was thrilled. Everyone in Jacobstown took life a little too seriously and being with the Courier was a refreshing change for her. Unlike most of the other companions, Lily actually loves the singing and the talking. She'll even suggest that the Courier tries their hand at singing on the Strip, the Tops and the Atomic Wrangler are always looking for new acts after all. Lily will even try and sing along with them, before realising her voice doesn't exactly compliment or rival the Courier's, but so long as they encourage to join in, she always will. The talking is just as lovely for her, it's nice to know that the Courier still cares about their grandma, even if they are growing up so fast.
Raul Tejada Never in all his years of being alive has he met someone like the Courier. It was one thing that they managed to deal with Tabitha, but the fact that they did it with Radio New Vegas playing on full blast from their Pip-Boy? Raul wasn't sure whether to be impressed or absolutely terrified. He leans more towards the latter once he starts travelling with them, struggling to keep up with the Courier constantly asking him questions about where he's from and what his life was like before the war and how he turned ghoul. Like Arcade, Raul finds it overwhelming and eventually asks politely if the Courier can calm down a little with all the questions, thankful when they actually oblige. He learns to love the Courier in spite of their loud habits, even being happy to fix their Pip-Boy when it stops letting them connect to the radio stations. It's against his better judgement, but they seem grateful for it.
Veronica Santangelo She immediately bonds with the Courier over their love for Radio New Vegas. Veronica wishes she had her own Pip-Boy so she could listen to the radio in her own free time, since lugging a radio around the Mojave Desert doesn't seem like the best idea. She absolutely loves the Courier's singing too, insisting that they don't forget her once they make it big in some bar in New Reno. She also tries her best to be the Courier's backup singer when wandering the wasteland, however, she accidentally stumbles up on a lot of her lyrics and trying to pronounce "Agua Fria" at the start of Big Iron quickly becomes the bane of her existence. Veronica also loves to gossip with the Courier, about her love life - and the Courier's if they're willing to disclose it - and all her least favourite things about her commanding officers in the Brotherhood. Whenever she travels with Six, Veronica manages to get a lot of off her chest
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sunnylands-world · 1 year
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The jealous to your possessiveness
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Pairing: vampire draco x @b-bewley1979
Summary: you get jealous after a small party and accidentally trigger your possessive husband because of your jealousy and Draco fixes both those problems…
Word count:1,045
Warning: p in v with no protection, fingering, dirty talk, possessive Draco, bondage, use of magic, kinda Dom Draco, light face slapping, [reader has a name]
A/n: I was extremely busy but I promised I'd finish this for you today so hopefully you like it
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Brandy pov
I huffed, slamming the door behind me. I can't believe he'd just let that girl sit in his lap like I wasn't right there! Who does he think he is? I went to the kitchen, deciding to start dinner. Time past quickly as I looked down seeing my clothes were filthy, as my hand stirred the ingredients with frustration. Draco finally got home coming through the window before transforming back to his human form in front of me. I ranted and raved under my breath as I turned my back. "Surely you're not still mad about that silly girl," Draco says, taking a few steps forward.
"I am not mad at the girl i-" "was jealous" he finished with a small chuckle. I turned with my eyebrow raised, placing the bowl down with force as I glared at him in his black suit. "Is that what you think?," I let out a dry laugh. "No, I was mad you allowed it to happen!, You have no power over me.” I turned away whispering, "you're not the only one who has people chasing them you know" but I knew Draco would hear, he had heightened senses. I could feel him glaring at me. He hums before saying “You sure about that?” Then all of a sudden I hear his whispers. My eyes blink open and I'm in our bed only now I can't move my hands.
I look up seeing them tied groaning. "brandy…" my head snaps towards the direction of his voice. "repeat what you said earlier and this time don't mumble it, you know how much I hate it when you do that" he comes from the shadows, his reddened eyes being what I spot first. I rack my brain looking for whatever I'd said before. My eyes widened and I looked away fearfully. "Ahh, so you remember!" He says walking over to the bed. "You told me you wouldn't use magic on my Draco! You can't-" "you are in no position to make decisions and clearly you have forgotten what I taught you! So I'll take this as the opportunity to remind you, I'll ask you one more time what did you say before" he growls, a chill runs up my spine at how quickly his tone changed.
"That-that you weren't the only one who had people chasing them" I Mumbled. "And who is chasing you my love? Because I promise, when I find out who it is I will kill them and bring their head back to you as a reminder" he warns, his hand squeezes my breasts till a hiss leaves me. "Who do you belong to?" His hand cupped between my thighs and I let out a whine trying to buck into his touch. "Who do you belong to brandy?!" He asked again, snatching his hand away. "you, you! Please please!" I begged. He hums in approval, letting his fingers sliding throw my folds sending a blissful tingle over my skin. "Knew you'd be wet for me, you always are, aren't you" he asks and I nod, a small uh huh leaving me.
He nods fingers driving in, causing me to yelp in surprise. He chuckles, cramming the two long digits inside at a steady pace. My hands lock tightly around the rope biting into my skin as my chest heavies with his thrust. "You're so good for me brandy, don't know why you worried about anyone taking your place. No one can ever replace you" he says kissing the skin of my neck, his fingers curl caressing my spot, my head falls back with a cry at the simulation. His fingers pull back tortuously as he sucks them clean. "Draco please!" I Whimper bucking my hips.
"I'm only taking my clothes off you needy little thing" he teased, removing his suit unnecessarily slow. He seemed to get off on my desperation. When he's finally done pulling away the dark suit, he moves between my legs, cock free, leaking into his hand. He strokes himself, making me smirk at the effect I have on him. He brings his tip to my entrance, rubbing through my slick before pushing the head in and pulling it out with a sigh before quickly shoving himself in awaking the burning ache inside me. I wrap my legs around him, pulling his lips against mine.
He groans, teeth latching onto me. His sharp fangs draw blood that fills my mouth with the iron taste. He moans, his tongue slipping past my lips tasting the red liquid, lapping at the cut on my skin. He pulls back, rutting into me at a brutal pace. My tied hands tugging as my back arches, my breath hitching with the moans I let out with his thrust as the bed rocks with my body.
His hands come to my breasts, pinch at my hardened nipples. "Draco!" My vision goes in and out with my twitching body. If he slammed any harder I was sure the bed would break. The feeling between my legs was twisted with a burning sensation and greed but I was bare at his mercy, clenching down on him being the only way to fully engulf him enough to fill the lustful desire to take him and not the other way around. "Come back to me brandy. Tell me what you want, don't make me read your mind" he says, slapping lightly at my cheek. The slight sting only makes me wonder farther as my eyes roll. "I need to- fuck!"
The words falling short as my skin prickles with the approaching of my finish. Draco chuckled darkly as he slams harder, provoking screams from me that fill our room with the sound. His head falls, lips sucking, nipping and biting at my neck as his hips start to slowly push me to my release. My fingers claw at the palm of my hand as the earth shatters, leaving me to float. "That's it brandy, come for me." He breathes out while I grip him tightly, causing his movements to falter. He plunges deeper as he cums, filling me full while whispering sweet nothings against my skin. His breath slows as my legs fall open from exhaustion. "don't ever doubt my love for you"
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Request open 👐
Draco's lovers and requests:
@alexxavicry , @sarahthehuffpuff, @supercoffeeblogs , @thatwattpadobsessed , @kyracanwrite @animeloverfreak310 @imafangirl22 @amyclare04 @phildunphyisadilf @jac1ndaa
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misty-wisp · 1 year
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I see the opportunity to talk bout ttb, I jump at it. What I ABSOLUTELY love about your au is how well it connects with canon in ways that still makes it a unique au and not just, a what-if continuation of the canon story!
There's some loose ends tied for Sunny and at the same time, strings tangling up for the friends and we get to see their part in it too that they're still not ok but they're in the road to being okay, it's just that the road is horribly bumpy and filled with obstacles.
Will always adore the lil world building expansion, I still remember that scene where Sunny got lost on his first time in the city and I love how you wrote it like the way that it's so overwhelming, I love it!
And Monty, I love him a lot, I adore the dude so much that ttb aint ever complete without him. He is the best, even though it's only been like a few scenes with him. I just adore characters like him, he looks like the sweetest person to ever be with and I will protect him.
AND OF COURSE THE EVENTS IN HEADSPACE!!!!! MY ABSOLUTE FAVE! I love how it isn't just forgotten or it didn't just vanished or that it isn't crumbling in the way of a collapse but that it was forced into a timeskip in order to mirror and match Sunny's time. So instead of being stuck in the past, headspace is now also moving along at the same time as the present.
The changes of the headspace friends and how close they are to their real life counterparts AND OMORI!!!! MOST ESPECIALLY OMORI!!! I love how even though he now has a mind of his own, his mindset is still a mess and now it's Sunny's turn to help him and I still remember and love that bit where Mewo panicked cuz Omori appeared mechanical again, like he's sentient but there's still something going on and there may even still be a possibility of him reverting back and I will lose it if that does happen but like goddamn though cuz even after everything Omori is still not in the clear and then there's still more problems to solve especially with his friends and it's just!!!!!!!!!
It's a very very interesting and intriguing au that I'll always be looking forward to whatever is gonna happen next oh and oh and flower stranger <3 adorable snarky lil plant. I just absolutely love how well you owned the concept of continuing canon and created a really great au out of it.
It's like the iceberg pic! At the surface it seems like a simple lil au about Sunny's life in the city with his friends dealing with new problems and headspace changing but it is actually more than that and I really rwally love it because of it :D (also need to check for new chapters of it)
WAHHH....ARIA....i can't form any words this is the sweetest thing ;-;
i'm so glad you love my story so much fr! i put a lot of love and care into it and it makes me so happy to see that being reflected in readers' appreciation for it
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dreamingdarklyblog · 8 months
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Probably not hot
So something I've mentioned, but not really gone into any detail on, was my writing partner trying to "clear my head" so we could renegotiate how things were going to work going forward.
I was pretty nervous about this for a few reasons. Big among them was that past attempts at things like this haven't gone terribly well. See there's whatever things he's been playing with, conditioning, suggestions, whatever you want to call it. And things from a long time ago...
When we're talking about the current stuff, I didn't imaging any major issues. Sure there would be some kind of adjustment, and a lot of "processing" as I tried to reconcile my memories of what happened with other input. But I expected we would be able to "clean up" reasonably well.
It's the older stuff that gives me pause. I don't mean I expect to wake up and panic about "Oh my god, what have I been doing for years?!". That's just silly. But... Years back me and my hypnotist at the time spent like, a ridiculous amount of effort on conditioning. And some things really never went away. Some did, some faded a lot, and some faded a little, but there's a lot still there. Enough that after so long it becomes difficult for me to imagine what's "under" there, as it were.
I don't mean anything super concerning like, I don't know, false memories, or anything. But went spent a long time on things like say, making it easier for me to drop. Conditioning certain responses. My uh.. Fixation on certain things. And I was somewhat worried that if he did manage to remove those, or bury them, or whatever, I might suddenly struggle to drop. Like a muscle that I haven't used in years or something.
As it turned out that was somewhat true? But I think it was more than my anxieties were getting in the way. We worked at it and eventually managed to get past the problem.
It was weird... Really weird. I think in the end he ended up "covering up" much of the old stuff rather than trying to remove it. So it was strange and difficult to process pretty much... everything? I think I talked about it before, how newer suggestions I imagine like some kind of assembly line, or flow chart? So this was dealing with older suggestions, things that are so worn in that they feel pretty natural. But at the last stage of the flow chart was an extra step saying "ignore all that". Which ends up being like a new suggestion all on it's own. Or it felt like it. So despite my head being "clear" it more felt like I had a lot of suggestions going on. Like a heavy processing load. To accomplish... Nothing. Like a bad process spinning its wheels and eating resources for no reason. It was pretty exhausting.
And I would slip up... Things would poke through. I'd have strange reactions I didn't expect, then sort of look at them detached like, "why did I do that?". Some of those were newer suggestions, some were old. But I would be talking about something serious and then find my hand in my lap, and not be able to figure out what it was doing there. Then lots of fragments would rush back. Each half memory tied to another half memory, filling in gaps. Remembering bits of conversations, of trances...
It was all in all a pretty emotionally/mentally draining experience. But we got through it. There were a few issues. Mostly in our different ways of thinking about things. Like a semantic argument but for thoughts? Not sure what to call that.
Anyway. We eventually finished with that. Pulled the blanket back off. And he started working on renewing what things he wanted to. I admit at times I'm still a little confused. I'm still remembering bits that I couldn't before, and at times it's like my brain, with it's rather shitty memory, can't decide if something is still active or not. Like I'm in a quantum state of versions of thoughts. Am I thinking/feeling this version? Or this version? Or both at once?
So yeah it can be a bit confusing if I stop to try to think about it.
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lonelyspire · 2 years
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On Thirteen's regeneration
Okay this is just me trying to put my thought in order and trying to figure out why this particular regeneration has felt so special and why it also feels like they didn't carry it all the way.
First things first, I'm not saying that the previous regenerations weren't special or emotional, but this one does stick out, and I think the main reason for that is how hopeful it feels. For literally every single regeneration except Thirteen's, we're seeing a Doctor at the end of their rope. Nine's is painful and melancholic after saving Rose and not getting to have more time with her. Ten's lost every single companion, he's incredibly lonely and probably thought he'd get more time to fix that before changing (i.e., 'I could do so much more'). Eleven's childlike sense of wonder has eroded and he has come to accept the things he was trying so hard to run away from (his difficult past, and subsequent refusal of being hurt again) but it makes him wistful. Twelve is so tired at the end of his run he spends an entire episode trying to stop regenerating because he can't bear it and when he finally does, it's half bitter. And Thirteen...well Thirteen looks like this
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She is welcoming the future with open hands! Having stepped out of her TARDIS to take in one last sunrise, she'll be damned if she doesn't enjoy it! She's joyous at the prospect of seeing new things, a joy that is only dimly overshadowed by her grief of not being the one to experience them. She's enthusiastic, and playful ('tag, ur it' sure, why don't you shoot me) and generally just hopeful for what's to come and that's such a nice, refreshing new take on the process of regeneration that has been pictured with very similar motifs every time until now.
I'm not saying her last scenes are not painful, or that she doesn't experience anguish because she does, and sure there is something to be said about forced positivity (the Doctor is prompt to do that), but all of these things sorts of fade into the background in the face of her enthusiasm and faith for the future! She's finally reconciled the grief and the love, the happy and the sad, and this episode insisted that she carries what she has seen and felt into the future with the upmost reverence for it all. And this acceptance changes so much!
This is reflected back by the process of regeneration itself: it's not a ticking bomb wreaking havoc in the TARDIS (10 to 11), it's not a blink-and-you-miss it kinda deal (11 to 12), it's not even a run to get her things in order (12 to 13). There's almost a peaceful quality to this regeneration. She surrenders herself to it, she's finally embraced the changing part of her nature, she welcomes it, and doesn't try to run. She breathes deeply and lets it take over.
and look. I do have my problems with how the ending tied other character's arcs and relationships. But Thirteen's regeneration is not one of them. Do I wish Yaz had been there to accompany her to the other side? Yes. But despite that, I think it was one of the loveliest regeneration out there, simply because she's so genuinely hopeful about it.
Which leads me to the main problem. What the hell is the point of portraying all of this painstaking process of learning to let go and accept that there are things you cannot change and learning that moments are finite but that doesn't make them less important if you suddenly put your character back to position A (LITERALLY). Like??? I am genuinely baffled that they shot themselves in the foot with this amount of conviction - how do you miss the themes you brought to screen and obliterate them by having the Doctor be one of his old faces again??? And I love Tennant, I do, but this literally makes no sense, both narratively and in terms of the continuity and the growth this area has tried to establish. No! Damn! Sense! The only way forward with Thirteen's arc was to see the real Fourteenth Doctor beginning anew without joyful optimism! This just feels like a cheap way out, instead of having the courage to carry the message they've been trying to communicate since the first season. ("everything ends and it's always sad, but everything begins again, too. And that's always happy"). Things do change, and it's fine because they should!
So yeah, here's my rant. Might have some other in stock lmao.
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filopay · 6 months
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AEGON MARTYNSON
twenty-six | he/him | 190 cm | half Dryad | Nord
Maybe You mean every word you say Can't help but think of yesterday And another who tied me down to lover boy rules Before this river Becomes an ocean Before you throw my heart back on the floor Oh baby I reconsider My foolish notion Well I need someone to hold me But I'll wait for something more I gotta have faith — George Michael
~ Excuse
Over time, he had gotten used to people staring at him in the streets. They had never seen a Dryad outside of Rania's forest, so it's only natural that they are curious. Even if he was only half-Dryad, his ears turned upwards instead of down.
When he was younger it had irritated him immensely at how often the children wanted to touch his ears. Yet he let them, seeing how happy it made them.
"Next one, please." He calls forward a young woman, a poncho over her shoulder, a hood above her head.
She smiles when she meets his gaze. "I've heard of the Dryad working for that unreasonable healer, but I'd never thought it to be true."
"I'm just helping out a good friend and Elora is one of the best healers I've met." He smiles too, meaning every word, "How can she help you today?"
"Ah." The woman stands on her tiptoes, since he was by far bigger than her, "What if I just came to see if the rumours are true?" She bats her eyelashes, "What if I want to invite you for a drink?"
"Then I'd be flattered." He says a bit sheepish, scratching the back of his head, "But I would have to decline, she still needs me here."
The woman pouts, "Not even if I ask very nicely?"
"Oh, well." He looks a little embarrassed now.
"I heard you give very good advice and I was hoping you could help me out with a problem of mine. It would mean alot to me." Her smiles was still bright, hopeful eyes awaiting his answer.
"I'm sure we can grab a drink after I finish-"
"Perfect!" She beams, cutting him off, "I'll meet you at the Mountain Inn, when the last sunlight vanishes behind the walls. I look forward to it."
Before he could reply, she was already skipping out of the clinic. Aegon let out a long sigh.
"You said you were done with dating."
"Ack!" He swung around, surprised to hear Elora suddenly stand behind him.
"That you wanted a break from it all." She speaks, not in the slightest bothered by his reaction.
"I- yes, I said that, but she looked so sad." He rubs the back of his head.
She stares at him. "So, you'd rather lead her on or in the end even date her, to prevent her from being unhappy?"
"I yes, I can see how you might think that…" he didnt had a good excuse, slumping his shoulders, "You're right. I'm a hopeless cause. She wanted my help, I can't possibly deny her that."
"I can see now why you've never been in a relationship longer than a week." She moves past him, collecting the papers gathered on the table next to him.
"I will explain it to her, just- I need time to think of the nicest way to do so."
She takes the pages, shifting through them. "There is no nice way to break someone's heart. It only gets worse the longer you wait."
He scatches his chin. "You seem to know alot about that."
"My mother tried to marry me off at any given moment." She turns to Aegon, "I turned them all down."
"Then you can help me! I mean, should she even ask to date me."
"It seems the whole town does. So the chances are pretty high. They see you as a price to win and you let them." Elora stares at him coldly, before turning the papers towards him. "And you forgot to fill out the records again, how do I know which tonic I gave to which patient?"
Aegons smile widened, not having heard her last words. "Then pretend to be my date and she will get the message."
"You're just looking for an excuse to not having to reject her yourself. I am busy."
"Oh, come on, Elora, you're always busy. I've been helping you by keeping the people as far away from you as possible. You don't have to speak to a single one of them. You like that, right? Can't you do me this one favour in return?"
She didn't appear moved at all, so he grabbed her arm, pouting, "What if I am not enough, doomed to forever be alone? Why not help me let her down easy, so before rejecting her, I can see if perhaps she is the right one for me. How else would I know?"
"She isn't." Elora says bluntly, ripping her arm free, "She came her on false pretense, you can't trust her."
Aegon frowns, "That's not a reason. You can't dismiss someone so quickly just because they made an excuse to see you. You need to get to know them first, spend time with them."
"I have no time and even if I did, I wouldn't want to support your frivolous pursues, because I can already tell they will quickly end."
"You make me sound like a heartbreaker." He smiles awkwardly.
She looks at him for a moment and he wonders what she was thinking, but then she just turns around.
"Wait, please. I need your help."
She looks back at him for a moment, halfway into her office. He tries his best at showing her his puppy-dog eyes and he'd been told, they work.
Then she takes a breath, an answer is nearing.
"No." And she closes the door in front of his face. He let his shoulders hang. Damn it.
[ words: yes ]
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casspurrjoybell-29 · 6 months
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Healing Ties - Chapter 46 - Part 1
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*Warning Adult Content*
Fanner had stayed up late into the night working on healing Yore, long past everyone else had gone to sleep, until Duran had briefly stirred awake and dragged him down, cuddling him like a teddy bear so that he had no choice but to rest.
Fanner might have worked all night if Duran hadn't done that.
He'd never been very good at focussing no matter what the consequences for failing were but he often found he had the opposite problem when it came to healing.
He wasn't very good at self monitoring and putting limits on himself.
Still, when Yore got up, stretched and experimentally rotated his hips without cringing from pain, it was all worth it.
"Better?" Fanner asked.
"Much," Yore said. "They still hurt a bit, but I physically did not have that range of movement in my hips before. Thank you."
"My tooth hurts," Harrison said. "Can you fix my tooth?"
Fanner beckoned him over.
"Show me."
"The long one here," Harrison said as he exposed his huge, sharp teeth, gesturing with a paw.
He immediately shut his mouth and shied away when Fanner leant in closer.
"Don't touch it."
"I won't. I'm just looking. Show me."
"Hmm," Harrison said but he bared his teeth again.
Fanner leant in once more to get a closer look.
The gum looked a little inflamed and the white of a new tooth pressed down from the gum-line.
"I'm not really an expert on... well, a lot of things but I think that's your adult canine growing in. You're not hurt."
"Yes I am. It hurts."
"Well... yes. You're not injured, though. The old tooth will fall out soon and the new tooth will grow in and then it won't hurt anymore."
"Why do I need a new tooth? My old tooth was fine until it started hurting."
"Your mouth is bigger than it was when you were a baby, so you need bigger teeth to fit in it."
Harrison made a grumbling sound and ran his tongue over his sore tooth but he didn't seem to have a rebuttal to that."
They ate the rest of the food from the bag for breakfast and then started out as they had the day before, with Harrison carrying Fanner and Duran.
Fanner knew from yesterday that trying to hold on while perched upon Harrison's shoulder would get more than a little uncomfortable after a while but to start with it wasn't bad at all.
Harrison, for all that he was a big scary beast of a monster, was actually quite cuddly.
Yore was back in wolf form and he was much more focussed on scouting and sniffing today.
They'd all feel better if they could catch up to the others.
Yore had assured them that Danya was fine and it seemed unlikely that had changed when he was with so many powerful allies but Fanner still wanted to see him for himself.
Besides, he was looking forward to the three of them finally being together again.
Lunch ended up being some big, ripe red tomatoes they found growing wild around a long collapsed wood cabin.
Harrison wanted to explore around the cabin and Duran decided to follow him around to stretch his legs, so Fanner took the opportunity to have a quiet moment alone with Yore while they ate their tomatoes.
Fanner sorted through the tomatoes he'd collected in the little hammock he'd formed using the bottom of his shirt.
"Do you think there will be a war? When the humans come, I mean. Will there be a proper battle?"
Yore swallowed his mouthful of tomato.
"It seems likely."
"I don't know much about wars but... that means people will die, doesn't it? On both sides. Even if our side wins, half of our people may be dead by the time it's over. That doesn't feel like winning."
"Nobody wins in war. At least nobody with any real blood in the game."
"You might die."
"Yes."
"And Danya, if he fights. Maybe even if he doesn't. They could come and just overwhelm us and kill everyone."
"I'll do everything I can to make sure you're safe, okay?"
Fanner shook his head.
"It's not about that. It's about... everything. Why can't they just leave us alone?"
"They don't like that the world is hostile to them, that they've been locked out of most of it. Maybe, as individuals, they would be capable of having a conversation, of seeing why things are the way they are and changing their minds. An army can't do that, though. An army can't be reasoned with. I always prefer diplomacy but sometimes you have to fight."
"It won't fix anything. They'll still hate us and we'll still hate them. Mages will still be slaves and humans will still be locked out of most of the world."
"I'm sorry things can't be different. You've just been going from one tough situation to another, which can't be easy. Trauma can at least help us to adapt to the particular struggles of the situation we're in but if the situation you're facing keeps changing, you're just collecting painful memories."
"Yes but... maybe some good ones now as well? Things are bad but they've also never been so good. I don't want to forget to be grateful for that, I'm just scared. I don't want to lose this."
Yore wrapped an arm around Fanner and hugged him close against his side.
"The humans have greater numbers than we anticipated. They brought in more men through the mountain pass. But, at the end of the day, they're just humans. There are many of them and they're not stupid but they can shoot us with guns or stab us with swords and that's about it. I don't know what exactly our plans will be but we have a few more tricks up our sleeves than that."
Fanner nodded.
It didn't make him feel much better but repeating what had already been said wouldn't help anyone.
There was nothing Yore could do to change the situation.
There was nothing any of them could do.
They set out again after they'd had their fill of the tomatoes and Yore continued his quest to find a scent.
Fanner wished he could run around with the grace of a wolf and help just by sniffing about.
Of course, Yore probably envied that Fanner got to sit around and be carried or at least he might if he were the type of person to waste time on such emotions or even to wish his responsibilities away.
It was a few hours later when Yore suddenly started sniffing around intently, dashing back and forth around a small area up ahead.
He stood up tall, ears perked and held eye contact with Fanner for a long moment before dashing off into the forest.
It was ten minutes before Fanner saw Yore again or... no.
That wasn't Yore weaving his way through the trees.
This wolf was a lighter colour, a little smaller and moved without the tension that Yore always held in his body.
A grey wolf followed up behind it and then, finally, Yore.
"Huh?" Harrison said. "More wolves?"
"Follow them," Fanner told him. "They'll lead us to the others."
"Hmm, the others," Harrison said as he headed towards the wolves.
"The humans will be with them, won't they?"
"I imagine so. Be nice to them, okay?"
"What if they're not nice to me? What if they have guns and they shoot at me?"
"They won't shoot at you. Not unless you attack someone. I promise."
"That's what my parents always said. You can't go near humans. They'll shoot you with a gun. And now there are humans and they're coming and they're shooting everything with guns, so..."
"Don't worry, Harrison," Duran said. "I have a knife now. If they try anything, I'll stab them. Now, admittedly, I've never used a knife before, but how hard can it be? You just put the pointy part into a fleshy bit and then you've committed a stabbing."
"Do you think you could actually stab someone?" Fanner asked. "I mean, not in terms of whether or not you would succeed, but... could you actually do it?"
"Yes," Duran said with a level of confidence that surprised Fanner.
"One thing I realised young is that being a Companion is about being whatever you need to be, doing whatever you have to do to survive. It's not about being meek and prim and proper and gentle. It's about being exactly what you need to be in the moment to make the best of a situation. I can dominate, I can submit and I'm pretty sure I could stab a man."
"Oh, okay," Fanner said. "I'm not sure if I could. I don't want to hurt anyone."
"Good. We need some gentle souls in this world."
"Even if I'm just being what I was taught to be?"
"Fanner, I can finally say this without it being mean. You have never been what you were taught to be. You failed and in the end that was a good thing."
Fanner shot him a smile.
"Okay. I'll leave the stabbing to you."
"That's all I ask."
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Text
Amongst the streets of what looked like to be Amphros City, but older a young ruffled up Eevee seemed to be the colored splotch amongst the black specs. Walking past was a Purugly on her cell phone, not even noticing the dozens of people she pushed along the way. As the Eevee going forth in the opposite direction of the Purugly pulled her hood up more and slid past the Purugly, she swiftly went into the Purugly's purse and pulled out a think wad of cash. "Jackpot," exclaimed the Eevee. Ruffling through every Pokeish. "Oh hold up Mari, let me just see how much I-" The Purugly turns around, glaring at the Eevee with her beat up hood down."Hey get back here with my cash you little demon!" The Eevee had begun running away, pushing past people on accident and on purpose. The Purugly ran as fast as she could in heels to an Archanine officer across the street. "Officer Jenny, officer Jenny! An Eevee snatches a wad of xash from my purse. Please you have to go after them!" Jenny: "On it ma'am!" Officer Jenny began to pursue the way the Purugly has said the Eevee went. Soon after officer Jenny has gotten closer to the Eevee, the hunt began getting more challenging. Jenny: "Hault in the name of the Amphros City Police Department!" Though the Eevee didn't listen and slid into an alley hurtleing over a 20ft high fence or so, hoping officer Jenny couldn't hurtle over. Though Jenny leisurely hurtled over with ease, and soon cornering the Eevee in the mitts if the darkened alley.Jenny: "It's over kid. Surrender now or face the qoncequences." Stepping forward Jenny had stepped on a crumpled up paper. She picked up the paper seeing it was a beaten up flyer of Miss. Teresa's Orphanage. Looking like someone had drawn a buck tooth on Miss. Teresa as well as an eyepatch. Jenny: "Let me guess? You ran away from this place huh? And your trying to make it out on the streets all by yourself?" The Eevee shook her head vigorously, while clenching the backpack which the stolen money was in. "Please don't make me go back. I'm begging you. I'd rather go to Juvie then go back there." Jenny: "Welp that's a first. But kid. I can't let you off the hook. I'm gonna have to take you back, and return the money you stole." "Miss. Teresa doesn't deserve money when she does squat. She makes us do all the work while she drinks away her problems. I ran away because I don't give squat to a tyrant such as she." officer Jenny bent down to the Eevee, taking the backpack back. Jenny: "Sounds ruff hun." "Ruff doesn't even begin. It's when my Mom tied me to one of the pillars of the front of the orphanage, that's the beginning of the torcher." Tears started to fall from her cheeks. "Torcher is when your forced to be somewhere it feels as jf nobody cares for wellness or health." Officer Jenny hugged the Eevee feeling remorse. Jenny: "Have a name kid?" Didi: "Didi. I don't have a last name." Jenny: "Well, Didi. I'd like to make a special offe to you. Promise me to stop stealing, and I'll take you far away from the orphanage, alright?" Didi squeezed Jenny finally feeling at home.
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arckyy · 2 years
Text
Lost.
Feeling lost everyday. But today it just got so much worse. I've constantly being chased by the demons in my mind. It's only a matter of time where i lose the battle and lose myself for good. I'm trying. I'm trying so damn fucking hard. Pushing everyone away to fight the most important battle of my fucking life. The battle that is a live or die situation. Live and continue living with the pain or die trying.
Always feeling lost but i keep forcing myself to get up and try again. Keep moving forward no matter what. I'm always watching my world fall apart and not do anything about it because everytime i do something about it, I fall even lower than i was before. It's hard to get these thoughts out of my head. I dont know why it's hard now. Hard to distract these thoughts from my mind. But let me tell you something about this particular someone. Someone who broke my barriers down like it was nothing. Someone that came and changed everything. Someone i owe my life to and i can't see her go no matter what. I will keep chasing her and even if she accepts me back, I'll still keep chasing her like we're still in our honeymoon period.
I belong with the one put on this Earth for me
Everybody has their someone, just gotta look and see
I'm screaming out, "Lord, help me, I've been lonely"
That's when you accept me, then you set me free
When i met dee, I've never felt so complete in my life before. Feels like i've just found the missing piece in my heart and learn to love someone again. It didn't last long though when i made the mistake of cutting ties with people that didn't fucking matter to me anymore. But i wish i would just leave it alone instead because i've lost that piece and there is no one else that can complete that puzzle except her.
Have you ever fallen head over heels for somebody
That made promises to give you the world? Um
I really hope they held you down
I really hope it was no lying
Cause when your heart breaks it feels like the world is gone
But if the love's real, you'd feel your soul roar like a lion
And you'd finally let bygones be bygones
Don't throw in the towel, I know it feels like you're the only one trying
You just gotta learn to live and love on
This hit me so fucking hard. She accepted me for who i was and set me free. I can never thank her enough. But i spiral back into the darkness. As much as i need her, She too is finding herself. I promised her. I wasn't lying about anything i said to her. But i have to understand that she's facing her own demons too. She too has her own problems. Like she said, If she were to ever love again, It'd be me. I'm waiting patiently while fixing myself to become better for her. I've learnt to love her scars. Love her flaws. Love everything that is wrong and things that she don't like about herself or me, I'll work towards it and make it right. There is nothing i can't do for her. It's not "i'll try" anymore. It's "I will do it because that's what's best for us". Now, I guess music is the only way i can communicate with her.
I feel like changing my number next week though. I'm just going to leave my past as it is and just change number without telling anyone but her. Fully committing my time and effort to her. If she wanted anything, There wont be "I'll think about it". It's "Okay, Whatever that makes you happy, I'll do it". What makes her happy, Is what makes me happy too. If anybody has a problem with what i do, I'll tell her and follow what she says because she knows what's best for me.
Thank God I finally found you
You put the light in my eyes when I'm around you
I'm too flawed to hold you down, but
Don't wanna be here alone
And I thank God I finally found you
I'll put the light in your eyes if I'm allowed to
I'm too flawed to hold you down, but
Don't let me be here alone
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boobchuy · 2 years
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Did you like the finale? I personally liked it, except for maybe a few things, but I’ve seen a lot of ppl saying they don’t like it on twt. I really like your art so I’m just curious lol
anon I'm gonna use this chance to brainvomit my thoughts about it I hope u dont mind but u gave me the opening so I MUST BITE IT LIKE A RABID DOG
but, tl;dr is that I loved the finale as a whole, w a few gripes here and there bc nothing is perfect and that's okay
To be more specific, here is me crying and rambling <3
Things that I liked :))
* first and foremost, this is the story that matt has had in his vision for years. this is what he wanted to do, what amphibia stands for, just a big metaphor for change, and just for that alone I love this finale to bits, and will hold it dear in my heart for many years to come.
* I got what I wanted and MORE, that is; rule of three anne dying. this has been something I've been looking forward to since I joined the fandom and saw a post abt how Marcy and Sasha almost died in season finales, and wondering whos turn it was next. just. The whump of it all, y'know. AND THE OUTCOME AND CONSEQUENCE, IS SO MUCH BIGGER AND BETTER TO EXPLORE THAN I COULDVE INITIALLY THOUGHT
I don't know about you but knowing that Anne's tied to this powerful entity, to see that scene of her talking with god, essentially, it just manages to scritch a really good part of my brain. There's just, so much to explore from that scene, and it was such a pleasant surprise even if it feels quite a bit sudden LOL. for all intents and purposes, the little kid in me is screaming that it's very very cool, and I can't wait to attempt and make it cooler. (Plus, the AUs of just this one scene can inspire are ENDLESSSSS, so excited to dig into it more)
* calamity trio fight scene. Need I say more. TJ hill I need the soundtrack of that it was so uplifting and cool and ughuh legend. You can tell the absolute fun and love that was put into it, from the character gestures, the expressions I fucking adore it so much. Easily the happiest part of the finale, a glimmer of light for how much the episode broke me :)
* ANDRIAS. andrias. Andrias... (Weeping). the reunion parallel. it broke me. and even though he's done a lot of bad things, and that's putting it lightly, I'm glad that he lived. I just can't help but feel sad for the kind of past he has, and I'm happy that he's given a chance to heal. that, along with the fact that just killing him off is the easy way out- make him do the work of trying to heal what he has destroyed; him being shown planting seeds and making things grow, with parts of his old friends attached on his person, it's a quiet, peaceful moment for him, and a very satisfying one for me.
* this is moreso a confession than me listing a pro. right up to the last few weeks of amphibia's finale, I had this really really really quiet fear in the back of my head that the plantars might get shoved aside in favor of calamity trio ToT, that's just the brain making up dumb problems, of course, and though as heartbreaking as it could be, I enjoyed that the show proved that wrong for me.
I fell in love with their characters, and the farewell scene with the plantars, it's so so so dear to my heart. Anne calling Polly her little sister, every word that hop pop said to Anne, the cut to sprig as he gripped his hat tight, tearing up. The way Anne's face was so scrunched up as she tried to comfort him. That last spranne hug, how it was animated so well, how heartfelt it was. God. I've been crying since I mentioned Polly while I typed this. That goodbye scene is everything, and even if people didn't like it for the sadness it caused, they shot it out of the park. Most emotional I've been in the show, tops.
* I went on a whole tangent about it on twitter yesterday, but Anne's death scene is equally as heart wrenching. I won't go over it like I did, but the two key moments that really broke me was when sprig and frobo brought her down, sprig was SMILING. trying to reassure himself and Anne that everything's gonna be okay, and there's this moment where he looks to the others as if saying 'its gonna be okay, right?', and the cut to Sasha and Marcy's heartbroken and horrified expressions. ITS JUST SO (pls excuse my language) FUCKING. FUCK FHCK FJCK. the the other moment, was Anne still managing to crack a joke and making her fam (AND MYSELF MIGHT I FUCKING ADD, HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME CRY LAUGH AS YOU DIE) laugh one last time before she turns into leaves
* the future time skip designs. *eats them*
my other feelings 👍;
* THIS MIGHT SEEM LIKE A CONTROVERSIAL OPINION. BUT. it felt, really off-putting and sad for me that Anne chose to be a herpetologist. IT FELT LIKE SHE WAS BEING STUCK IN THE PASTTTT, holding onto those memories for as long as she could. the strongest of feelings I've had w that has long since worn down as the hours went by, though. I want to believe that she eventually either grows to love this job genuinely for the sake of how happy it makes her, or she branches out more onto other things that aren't just related to frogs.
* I feelll like they could have done a better job tweaking sasharcys dialogue in the time skip. I don't mind that it was 10 years later, and IVE BEEN A FIRM BELIEVER ON SASHANNARCY GETTING SEPARATED SINCE THE VERY START, but, the part about how it's implied that once Marcy moved, they haven't kept in touch 😭??? hence her asking then on how Sasha and Anne have been doing only 10 years later??? I know we grow apart but I don't think it'd be that quick ... I think, I'll just chalk it up to them having not that much leeway on how to stir the conversation in that direction. Otherwise, sasharcys job careers make my heart feel full, they've really grown into themselves, into people that we didn't expect, and I think that that's wonderful.
* I don't really feel all that negative about the fact that the portal between worlds doesn't work anymore, mostly bc, I refuse to believe that it isn't possible ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
canon didn't even really imply there being one, but that didn't stop them from encouraging it a little bit. the stone guardian giving anne those last crumbs of power to go home is an orchard ripe for picking that says just how much more could be explored. And I wasn't as devastated because genuinely, I do believe there's a day where they will see each other again, whether that gets confirmed or not, it's something I'll hold to dear to myself til I eventually, move on from amphibia too.
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sery-chan-13 · 3 years
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Innocence
Niragi Suguru × Reader
So, this is something I was very excited to receive a request about!
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(Yall... please, the most adorable thing I've ever been requested to write-)
I absolutely loved the idea, as it's something I go through, and a few of my friends go through, although it might be a little different. (My friends as well as I  (ooh, exposing myself) have a little space(different from a sub space. It's age regression and not at all sexual or wrong. It's totally OK to do this) , and I usually take care of them and they take care of me through it, so I get the panic attacks and drops! What this person requested is probably quite different from that, so It's not the exact same thing. Also, keep in mind, everyone expiriences panic attacks differently, I'm going off of my personal experience with them.
Warnings: past trauma, panic attacks, swearing, mentions of death, blood, let me know if I missed any!
You had been put into this world. A desolate one. It looked like your home of Tokyo, but it wasn't. There weren't  any people, and it was empty. It was like a giant prison... except bigger. In your opinion, it was a prison, and no one was around to judge you, so it was. You had been quite scared waking up, not knowing what was going on. Wandering around the new Tokyo, you felt a feeling of dread. You were alone. How you hated being alone.
At night, however, things changed. One of the advertisement boards in the middle of Tokyo lit up, pointing towards a place and the words 'way to the game arena' sprawled across it. You just followed the light up sign, and ended up at a skating rink.
Your eyes lit up at the sight. There were pretty colors, flashing lights, and popular music was playing in the background. You swayed on your heels, back and forth, unsure of what to do next before seeing a table with phones. On the same table was a sign that read 'One for each player.' What did they mean by player? You didn't know. You picked up a phone, and it turned on. The screen read something about facial recognition. You stared in awe at it, thinking it was cool. You were so immersed with the phone, you didn't notice other people come in. When you did, you were a bit intimidated. You didn't know why you were here. It dawned on you in a moment, and you started to fidget with the edge of your skirt. You saw two people who looked nicer than the rest, and decided to aproach them.
"Hi! Um... I'm sorry to bother you,  but do you know what's going on? I just woke up here..." you explained, looking at them. It was a boy and a girl. The girl had short, dark hair, and was wearing black spandex with a colorful pullover that was unzipped a bit to where you could see the black sports bra under. She was so pretty in your eyes. The boy had dark hair, his bangs falling into his face. He was wearing a t-shirt, and shorts. They looked at each other, and back to you. "It's a game," the girl said. You smiled. "A game? I like games what kind of game?" You asked. "It's not... it's not normal games. They're more difficult... and dangerous," the boy explained. You were confused. "My name is (Y/N). What's your's?" You asked. "I'm Arisu and this is Usagi," he introduced. "I like your names," you said cheerfully. The phone pinged, and you jumped slightly.
'Registration closed. 8 players. Difficulty 4 of spades. Game 'Roll Away'. All players will put on the roller skates. They can't be taken off once put on. There will be different challenges in the rink. It might be dodging something, getting chased by something, or other obstacles. Clear Condition: You can not take off the roller skates through the duration of the game. Doing that will result in immediate death. The way to win is to dodge the object or things and pass the challenges. Game start in 10 minutes' (this is the dumbest game concept I've come up with, I apologize in advance)
"Here, stick with us, and we'll try to make sure you don't get hurt, alright?" Usagi said, placing her hand on your shoulder. "Ok! Thank you Usagi-Chan! Thank you Arisu-Kun!" You chirped, bowing your head in gratitude. They smiled to eachother, one thought clear and present in their heads. They had to protect you. Something they didn't say about a lot of people, but something was different about you.
That's how they took you to the beach. At first, you were scared. You didn't know anyone there, there was people staring at you, and there were some that had weapons. Your eyes had so much to focus on, and it was so overwhelming. Your first thought was to focus on something shiny. You liked shiny things. The problem was, there was to many shiny things to focus on. The windows, guns, swords, accents on the wall, hell, everything might as well been shiny. You stayed still, sitting up as straight as you could, playing with the sleeves of the sweatshirt you had on. "So she's basically useless?" One of the people there said. You frowned at the words. "No, no, she's very capable. I think she'd do well in club games. And she doesn't require a high rank right now. Just for a her to be safe," Arisu said, protecting your from their words. "Alright. Just inform her of everything. Niragi, why don't you take her to get a wristband and to her room?" The man, who you had learned to be Hatter suggested, although he knew it was a command. Usagi gripped onto your shoulder softly. "I'll go with. Just because I feel she is my responsibility as well," Usagi said. In reality, she was worried of what he'd do to you. She didn't trust Niragi, and from the short amount of time she had known you, noticed you to be more trusting and innocent than most. You smiled widely, and looked up at Usagi. "Let's go then."
You walked in the middle of both people. Usagi, looking forward most of the time, holding your hand to guide you around, and Niragi. That's what Hatter had called him anyways. He was rather tall, longish hair with half tied back. He had piercing on his nose and brow. Shiny pieces of metal which you found yourself staring at constantly. There was a gun slung over his shoulder, which scared you. "Here we are," he said, opening the door to what you assumed to be a storage room. He handed you a bracelet. You played with the stretchy cord, stretching out and back in, being entertained by it. Usagi grabbed your hand, and gently slid it on. "Don't take it off, ok?" She said softly. You nodded. "What is she? A damn kid?" Niragi scoffed. "No. Be nice. People have different situations, and you have no right to judge," Usagi repremanded him, her tone strong. He rolled his eyes. "Ok, there's three rules at the Beach. 1, you have to wear a bathing suit, 2 all card go to Hatter, 3 death to the traitors," he said. "Mmm... death? What do you mean by that?" You asked. You knew what death was, you just wanted to make sure he wasn't threatening you. "Death means death. We catch you planning to leave, or keeping your cards, you die. Simple as that," Niragi stated. "Ah... oki! Usagi-Chan, I think I'll be ok with out you for now. Thank you!" You chirped. Usagi shook her head. "I'm not leaving you alone with him," she stated, glaring at him. You felt hands grab your waist, and pull you back. It was Niragi. For whatever reason, you felt safe. He was bigger than you, and most likely stronger, and it made you feel safe. You shrunk into him, liking the feeling. "Yeah, Usagi-Chan... Let her have fun," he mocked, sticking out his tongue. Usagi could hear the hidden meaning behind his words. But, to her surprise, you didn't. Were you that innocent? "I'll be fine. Tell Arisu-Kun thank you again for me though... You guys really helped me through that game," you smiled. Usagi nodded her head, and against her better judgement, left. "Ok, just you and me now sweetheart," Niragi sighed, leading you around. You rushed to catch up with him, and grabbed his hand. He flinched, pulling his hand away. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" He asked, scrunching his face in disgust at the contact. " 'M sorry... Didn't want to get lost. I don't like being alone," you apologized, looking down, and swinging your leg back and forth. 'Damn it... She's cute... NOnononono, backtrack, hold up, not cute. She's fucking annoying. There we go. That sounds better. Not at all cute. Annoying.' He sighed, remembering the way Usagi had spoken to you, "It's fine. Just don't go doing that, ok?"  You nodded excitedly, walking besides him.
"Ok, and this room is the one Hatter told me to take you to. The two people you were with live on the next floor up. No I don't know what room, neither do I care. They'll tell you, most likely. Bye," he said after leading you to your room door. "Niragi... thank you!" You said, smiling. "What?" He questioned, turning around to face you. "Thank you. Really, I would have gotten lost without you. I hope to see you soon!" You repeated, skipping into your room. He stared at the spot you just stood in, in shock. 'She's odd. But interesting. Is her innocence an act? Or is she just like that?' He thought as he walked off. You hadn't made any sort of shy or disgusted expressions when he talked to you. Especially when he used more risqué remarks. You just smiled or laughed as if you didn't understand the meaning behind his words. You were definitely interesting to say the least.
"We're really sorry we couldn't find another one for you... It's just the rules here, ok?" Arisu apologized. They had to find a swimsuit for you to wear, and they had found a white one. It wasn't horrible, just showed a lot. "You're allowed to wear a cover up though. Or like a sweater," Usage suggested. You nodded, rushing to the bathroom where you had changed. You grabbed the fluffy zip up hoodie you had on before you changed. You slipped it on over your body, and smiled. "Much better," you chirped. They laughed slightly. Arisu couldn't help but feel warm and fuzzy when you were around. Not in a romantic way, but more in a protective way. He didn't want anyone to harm you. Usagi felt the same. "Can I go walk around?" You asked, playing with your hair. They nodded. " You don't have to ask for permission. You can do what you want," Usagi said. You nodded, saying goodbye, and leaving the room.
You hummed as you walked around, looking at all the people walking around. You nodded your head to whatever rythym was going on in your head. There were so many things to focus on, it felt like your head was going to explode. You shut your eyes for a bit and kept walking. Bad idea.
"Oi, you damn brat! Watch where you're going!" Someone shouted at you. You had bumped into them, falling to the ground. " 'M sorry! Didn't mean to!" You squeaked out. You heard them laugh, and you opened your eyes. "Whatever. And stop talking like that. What are you? A ba-" they were cut off by a snicker. "Really? You have the right to say that?" You recognized the voice from earlier. It was Niragi. You looked up to see Niragi pointing his gun at the people bothering you. "What? She talks like a fucking baby. And acts like one. Is she your little play thing?" The person taunted. Niragi scowled. "I'm only letting you go right now because Aguni doesn't let us kill in front of others. Be glad I'm letting you off right now," Niragi threatened. They all rushed away, seeing as their bravery was only for show. Niragi looked down to you on the floor. "You good?" He asked. You nodded, getting yourself off the floor. "Thank you once again, Niragi," you said, your attention on the floor. He couldn't help but notice your nature. You were innocent, childish, and playful. So different from all the other girls here. It was annoying, but also... cute. He was so lost in thought, he almost didn't feel you standing next to him and grabbing his arm. "What are you doing? We talked about this," he stated, trying to pull his arm away, watching as you nuzzled into him. "You're warm... and I like this feeling... I don't know what it is, but it's nice," you muttered. He pulled you around, back to his room, ignoring the stares he was getting.
He opened the door, and walked in, shutting it behind you two. "Where are we?" You asked, looking up at him. "Guess," were his only words. You basically beamed up at him. "Ooh, like a game! Umm... I don't know... tell me?" You chirped, placing a finger on your lip. He sighed, basically throwing himself on his bed. "You're annoying, you know that right?" He said. You frowned, twiddling your fingers. "Don't get offended by that. I have questions I want answered, come here," he stated, the commanding tone in his voice obvious. You stood straighter, and walked over by him. He looked up st you, confused. "Sit,'' was the only word that left his lips. You did so, sitting up straight. "So... is this an act? Your whole innocence thing?" He questioned, motioning to you. You tilted your head in confusion. "No? It's just... me," you responded. He hummed to acknowledge he heard you. Your hands kept looking for something to do, and you impulsively put one of your hands on his head. He moved away, grabbing your wrists, putting them to your body. "Hands to yourself princess," he said, a bored tone present. You shook your head, your hair swaying and bouncing with you. He laughed at the sight as you pouted. "Don't wanna. I like the feeling I get when I touch you or when you touch me," you said, your fingers being able to lightly touch his hand. "What feeling?" He asked. "I don't know what it's called... I just like it," you responded. "Well explain it," he said. "Mm... I feel really warm and protected. And... safe..." you responded, feeling his hands leave your wrists. After feeling his hands leave your wrist, you looked up at him. You crawled next to him squirming from happiness. "Oi, stop it," he scolded, grabbing your shoulders to keep you still. You pouted, looking up at him. "Then can I pet you?" You asked. "What am I? A damn dog?" He spat. "I like dogs. Dogs are cute. You're cute. But you're not a dog. Good boys deserve pets. You're a good boy, so... you deserve pets," you rambled, patting the top of his head softly. He look at you as you did so. He dropped back onto his bed. "I'm tired, so I'm going to sleep before tonight's patrol. Don't kill me," he yawned, closing his eyes, falling asleep almost immediately.
When he woke up, he heard humming. He opened his eyes slowly, and saw you curled up on the end of his bed, humming. "Hello?" He questioned. You turned so fast, he swears you gave yourself whiplash. "Niragi you're up!" You chirped. He sighed. 'Who gave her the right to be so damn cute... this isn't fair on me right now.' He nodded, and got up. He looked into the mirror on the dresser, noticing his hair was tied back. He went to take it out, but soon saw it was braided. "Did you... braid my hair?" He questioned. Now, he wasn't mad, and he didn't hate it. He just wanted to know why. "Yeah. Sorry," you said, looking down. "I- forget it. Why?" He asked. Your eyes lost their spark for a second. "um... uh... I... I just wanted to," you said shakily. "Tell me why. I can see through that lie," he stated, taking his hair out of the braid. "Umm... I... I don't think you'd care, it's nothing," you deflected. "Look, if I'm asking, it means I want to know. So say it," he said, turning to face you. "Ok... I was just alone in my thoughts, and I decided to braid your hair. It made me feel less... anxious. My sister used to always ask for me to braid her hair. So she could look just like our mom... and she did look just like out mom," you explained, tears filling your eyes.
You didn't like talking about your sister because of what had happened to her. Your mother had died when you were 9, your sister was just a baby. She looked exactly like your mom. And due to circumstances, you were never able to be a kid. You had to be an adult at a young age. You never got to be childish. So, you did it more when you grew up. Your sister... Your sister didn't really care all that much. She acted like a kid, and got to be a kid. You made sure of it. Some things just couldn't be helped though. She had died after a car accident. You all went to get some groceries. It had been a great night, and you three had gotten ice cream. On the way back, a drunk driver had hit the car. Your father lived and yourself lived, but he blamed himself for it. He tried, he really really tried to be a good father to you, but it wasn't enough. Somehow, you could never seem to win.
"I'm sorry, I don't really like talking about her, can I talk about something else?" you said, quickly wiping the tears away. He could tell you didn't want to talk about. It made him want know more, but for whatever reason, he left it. "My patrol starts I'm a few minutes. So you'll have to find someone else to bother," he said, fixing his hair again. "But I don't wanna go around anyone else. Wanna be around you," you pouted, walking to his side. He stared down in shock. No one has ever wanted to around him out of their own free will. "Look, just... go to your room, and if I remember to go, I'll go and visit for a bit."
That's how it started. You would constantly be around him, rambling about your newest topic. He didn't respond a lot, just listened, throwing the occasional sigh of you being annoying. It didn't bother you anymore, because something told you if he actually found you annoying, you wouldn't be alive right now.
"Hey hey hey (N/N)!" Kuina greeted with a smile. "Kuina! You're back!" You giggled, running over. She hugged you, spinning you around. "How's my favorite human?" She asked, setting you down. "I'm ok... How was your game?" You asked, walking around with her. She led you down to where all the cars came in. "Hatter put me in charge of checking to make sure no one keeps their cards today. Help me out?" She asked as soon as you got there. You nodded, and stood by her.
All was fine, till one of the last groups came in, speeding. You watched nervously, hoping nothing bad happened. You felt the world around you move in slowmotion, and the air in your lungs get shorter everytime you breathed. You heard the tires screech, and Kuina's voice was somewhere in the background. You felt like you couldn't breath, you felt the cold stone wall behind you and you slid down it. Tears rolled down your face, and you scratched at your arms unknowingly. You felt people trying to touch you, and you kicked or hit them away.
"Someone get help! Arisu, Usagi!" Kuina yelled at them. They had come outside, hearing a commotion. They tried to touch you, or get closer, but you wouldn't let them. Blood came out of the scratches you had made on yourself. "Who else can help her?! Think quick, please!" Arisu panicked. You were crying and scratching at yourself. They could hear you muttering 'no' and 'can't lose them again' over and over under your breath. Anytime someone tried to get close to you, you would kick or hit them. "Get Niragi," Usagi said. "What no I'm not going to-" Kuina started to argue. "Do you have any other ideas?! Go get Niragi before she hurts herself more! Now!" Usagi shouted. The panicky feeling was in everyone. Kuina quickly looked over at you, and nodded. This wasn't about who she did and didn't like. It was about making sure you were ok. Kuina ran off, going to look for Niragi. "Usagi, you go look for him as well. You're faster than me, I'll kept on eye on her," Arisu said. Usagi nodded, running off.
You were still crying, your nails tearing into your skin, crescent marks left behind, and trails of crimson dripping down. People were still trying to help, but we're crowded all around you. You couldn't breath, air couldn't get into your lungs. The people all around you looked like they were closing in around you. A flashback of the moment the other car hit you flooded your brain. Your sister's cut off scream. Her blood soaked shirt, the pieces of glass embedded into her skin. The pain you felt when you called out for her, but she didn't answer.
"Chishiya! Chishiya! Have you seen Niragi?" Kuina yelled after the short boy. He turned around. "Why would I care ab-" Chishiya started. "Chishiya, not now. It's (Y/N). Please, just- do you know or not?" Kuina interrupted, taking in shaky breaths. He shook his head. "Last Boss might know he's over there. If not Aguni," Chishiya said. Kuina nodded, running over to the aforementioned man.
Eventually, she found him on the roof. 'He's always on the damn roof' Kuina thought. "Niragi! Don't ask questions, just come with me!" Kuina yelled at him. He turned with a face that read 'no'. "Why should I-" he started. "It's (Y/N), please just- she- come with me," Kuina stumbled over her words. It had been at least 6 minutes. He tried not to show any emotion, but looked around and nodded. He walked quickly besides her as they made their way back.
"Found him!" Kuina shouted. Arisu turned to them and nodded. "Just go over to her," Arisu said. Niragi walked over, and everyone around you, immediately parted. "Go away," he threatened. Everyone left, and he was able to see what was happening. Your previously white swimsuit was now stained with red. Your arms were marked up with scratches and crescent shaped wounds. "Hey, (Y/N), it's me... calm down... breath," he whispered, so only you could hear. He kneeled in front of you, and got gradually closer. You didn't push him away, nor did you pit up a fight against him. The feeling of being safe and protected that you only got around Niragi appeared. The warm feeling spread over you, making you calm down a bit. You were able to breath a bit now, and you whimpered about something he didn't quite hear. Arisu and Kuina sighed in relief, seeing as he was able to get close to you. He grabbed your hands, taking them away from your arms. You took a shaky breath. "N-niragi?" You questioned. "Mhm... just calm down for now," he said. Arisu and Kuina looked at eachother and nodded, deciding to leave. Niragi had it under control.
You grabbed onto Niragi, and held onto him tightly. He heard you sniffle and say an apology into his neck. "Don't apologize for that. Are you ok-ish now?" He asked. He felt you nod. "Ok, well, we need to clean you up. And you can tell me what happened later, ok?"
He had carried you up to his room, cleaning up the blood on your body. "Sorry... I'm sorry," you apologized again, as he bandaged up your arms. "Stop apologizing, it's pissing me off," he stated. You frowned with a shaky sigh. "I... I didn't mean that. I'm sorry," he apologized, sitting besides you. You snuggled up into him. He was going to scold you, but decided against it, seeing as he rather liked the feeling. He always had. "Niragi... you forgot to do something," you muttered. "And what's that princess?" He asked. "Kiss it better?" You asked, looking at him with the puppy dog eyes. He felt his face get hot, and cursed himself. He rolled his eyes giving in, "Fine." You gave him your arm, and he kissed over the bandages. You giggled slightly. "Tickles," you laughed. He couldn't help but laugh. You smiled, "Niragi... Can I help you feel better?" You asked. "What? I'm not hurt though," he said, confused by your words. "Ok, fine... maybe it's not to make you feel better... just wanna give you a kiss. I really really really like you," you admitted, blushing slightly. He froze up for a second, before smirking. "Go ahead then. I really really really really like you too."
So... how was that? Um...bi may have gone overboard, but I am all for soft Niragi hours even if he's OOC, it's called 'I'm sad, he's my comfort character.' Umm... yeah... cool!
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jojotichakorn · 3 years
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my thoughts and opinions on "lovely writer": criticizing the critic
tw for discussions of age gaps, rape, and sex
before i turn into the mean and constantly dissatisfied archer that we all know and hate, i just want to say that i liked this show. i think it's great, actually! gene and sib are appropriately cute, the premise is nice, and the attempt at criticizing the industry is... well, an attempt, which is better than nothing. moreover, "lovely writer" came with gifts because it gave me my new favorite character, so you can't go telling me i'm trying to completely obliterate it or something.
besides, this specific post isn't going to get into analyzing the show as a whole anyway. i won't be talking about any irrelevant plot points, cinematography, sound design, or anything like that, though i could probably write a post just as long as this one about that side of things as well. however, i am here to specifically look at the problematic things that were both criticized by the show and included in the show without any criticism. i'm going to talk about the more serious side of things here, which means i'm going to get serious. and i'm going to be harsh. very harsh.
gene and nubsib: yes's and no's
overall, the relationship between gene and sib was a fair attempt at showing something complex, yet ultimately quite healthy, which i appreciate. there were some things i was especially glad about. the fact that sib dated other people before settling on getting together with gene, for example, makes the whole situation a little less codependent. however, as much as this show prides itself on not wanting to romanticize problematic relationships, there are at least two major problems with genesib.
the age gap (and why it was not needed)
i've tried my very best to give this entire concept the benefit of the doubt. at first, i was convincing myself that they were simply close childhood friends, then i was trying my best to believe that even though sib did have a sort of crush on gene (which sometimes happens to little children), gene only saw him as his younger brother, but eventually, the show gave me no choice, but to deem the entire storyline problematic, because they did their best to romanticize that relationship - from gene's dad seeing the "early signs" to the counting and kissing the cheek turning to counting and full-on lip-locking in the last episode.
i could go into how this could all easily be mended if little sib was shown as kind of obsessed with his older friend, but gene was shown as not being anywhere near interested in the kid. but the real question is - why was the age gap needed at all?
i've researched the age of the boys during the flashbacks to the best of my ability and it seems that gene is 11 and sib is 6 or 7. if sib was the same age as gene (or maybe just one year younger, but not any more than that), not only would none of it feel weird, it would also be quite appropriate to explore that first glimpse of romantic feelings some of us experience exactly around that age. i don't think it's necessary for sib to be much younger than gene (children can be just as impressionable at 11 as they are at 7, and as for gene being surprisingly nice and helpful and the other kids not wanting to play with sib, he could have easily been - for example - bullied by his peers instead, which would have the same effect).
moving forward to the present, i don't think the lack of an age gap would affect the storyline that much either. even if they desperately needed sib to be a university student, they could have that one-year difference i've talked about before, which is not as significant. sib could be in his last year of uni, while gene could have easily written his very first novel during his university years, which would actually make more sense (since that guaranteed him employment and freedom to write after he finished uni; and i would rather believe that he had time to write his first novel in-between classes than in-between shifts at work, which he would surely need to have if he started writing after finishing university).
so that brings me back to my initial question - why was it needed? and much like the show often does, i will leave this one up for your interpretation because i do not have any sensible answers myself.
the issue with sex and consent
"but archer!" - i hear you exclaim - "lovely writer is known for explicitly denouncing rape romanticization in bls, how could there possibly be any problems with consent here?" and i hear you, my dear reader. and you aren't incorrect, "lovely writer" is indeed very explicit at calling out bls for having rape scenes (and i do appreciate that). however, as i'm sure you know, there are different ways in which consent can be taken from a person, and there are different non-consensual acts that someone might perform. for example, there are many different forms of coercion, such as the person being persuaded until they feel like they have no other choice, but to say yes. touching someone or kissing someone without asking for permission are also non-consensual acts. i can go on and on, there are many examples outside of what so many people consider rape.
now, what if i tell you that though there (thank the gods) has been no rape present in "lovely writer", not all scenes with gene and sib are consensual? well, that's what i'm telling you because it's the truth. both the first kissing scene and the scene where gene and sib "try out different poses" have clear coercion in them. the entire "joke" of the scene before gene and sib's first time is literally built upon the concept of "a person is trying to run away from someone, who wants to have sex with them" and it is NOT funny. the later reveal of gene actually looking up how to have sex seems to be there on purpose, to show that everything that's happened is "ok" because gene was thinking about it. as a sensible person, i will only accept actual enthusiastic consent and not someone possibly maybe probably considering it. not to mention that right before having sex, sib asks gene one last time if he is sure, which is great, except it is immediately followed by "i'm not going to let you change your mind anymore", which - daily reminder - you are allowed to stop having sex at any point during the act if you start feeling uncomfortable with it. that's absolutely normal.
now the problem that we seem to run into here is that "lovely writer" appears to think that it's ok to push someone to the limit until they either finally agree or confidently and loudly disagree. the drama has repeatedly shown us that actually forcing someone to have sex is not ok; however, persuading and otherwise coercing someone, as well as taking an approximate guess of them wanting to have sex based on some marginally related factors, is ok. i would like to once again remind everyone that all of that is not ok.
one more issue i want to bring up in connection with sex is something i wish was common knowledge: it is NOT supposed to hurt during your first time. whether you are planning to have vaginal or anal sex for the first time, it should not hurt. and if it does, something has definitely gone wrong and you need to stop. you are not supposed to experience any pain or discomfort during sex, including your first time (outside of desired and therefore intentionally inflicted pain, but that's not what i'm talking about here). i have seen this misconception brought up many times in bls along with the other person "thanking the person who got hurt for bearing the pain to bring them pleasure" and absolutely none of that is normal. stop. please, just... stop.
criticism of the BL industry
there are certainly quite a few things i liked about the way "lovely writer" criticized the many problems that surround bls. i think they dealt especially well with the fan aspect. the breaches of privacy that are considered normal, the toxicity of social media that encourages people to comment on other people's personal life, harass and stalk them - all of that was shown in its full glory (or rather horror) and clearly condemned. it was also interesting to see how easily everyone around sib fell into the routine of having to hide genesib's relationship, just because "that's what's supposed to be done in these situations" - even tum did that without thinking twice.
however, i have not spent the past three years hating gmm for a show trying to criticize the industry not to focus on criticizing the production company and everyone professionally involved with the making of bls. don't get me wrong - they didn't completely overlook that side of things, but i found the way they approached it dissatisfying.
like yes, tum fights with his sister (aka sib's manager) and calls her out for her terrible actions, and the publisher (bua) eventually apologizes for what she did, but all of that feels a bit too... personal. i do not care about these individual stories. i care about you saying that the whole system is broken because it very much is. i wanted manner of death but with the bl industry, and instead, i got an "uwu the fans are demanding we do this, and our hands our tied" (which is a lie) and "uwu i'm just trying to make money" (which i mean... if you feel ok milking even more money than you already have by doing something unethical and immoral, then be my guest, but also go fuck yourself). besides that, i didn't see any criticism of tabloids or exploitative celebrities either (both of which we had examples of in the show), and that was kind of disappointing.
coming back to the fans for a moment, i also think that the criticism of real people shipping was entirely unsuccessful. we basically mostly got an "oh, what if this person's partner thinks they are actually dating", which... if a bunch of people on the internet who do not know your boyfriend personally and make all their judgments from screenshots and their imagination can convince you that your boyfriend is cheating, i've got some bad news for you and also a number for a therapist. partly i know why it was so complicated for them to get into it properly - the issue with real people shipping is an issue of privacy, boundaries, the perception of celebrities, acceptable interests, and many other complex topics. however, it's better to not criticize something than to criticize it badly and inaccurately (because the latter usually leads to even more encouragement of whatever you were attempting to criticize).
aey: the flamboyant villain
aey certainly starts as a promisingly complex character, but the farther we go from his backstory and his family, the less complex and the more evil he gets. eventually, the trauma he goes through is no longer enough to give him a get-out-of-jail-free card, and he loses all remaining sympathy after sexually harassing gene and pretending to drug sib. and i did start this post by saying that i am not to analyze any plot points or characters from the show here; however, i'm saying all this to prove a point that aey is a clear villain in the show. this is further cemented by the fact that by the end of the show he loses the only two people who cared about him, and the very last moment with him in the show is literally just him crying for about 3 minutes. there was no redemption arc, no pity, no revenge - he was left alone and broken, clearly punished by the narrative. and i've got a bone to pick here as well.
one of the first things that we find out about aey is that he is gay, and quite openly so. he is repeatedly described as very feminine by many characters, he flirts with men, he talks about being good in bed, and his entire character is built upon being gay (half of it directly, and the other half due to the fact that his entire backstory and therefore personality is also built upon the fact that he is gay). he is - for the lack of a better term - the gayest character in the show and the only one who is loud about being gay not because he is in love but simply because it is a part of him and he doesn't want to hide it. and he is the villain. not the disgusting publisher or the terrible manager - no, this guy was specifically chosen to ruin everyone's lives. and i can't say i'm particularly happy about that. *british voice* seems a bit homophobic love
not quite queer enough
as i said, aey is openly gay. gene and sib also eventually say that they are gay, gene's father teep is queer, so are tiffy and mhok. but it just doesn't seem to come up as much as it would in real life. the only time anyone has a problem with any of the characters being queer is when we deal with the parents. but knowing actual queer thai actors in real life, we are all aware how hard it can be for them, but it has not come up even once for aey, gene or sib (with genesib only being a problem because they are a "non-shippable couple"). being queer is far from being a non-issue in the industry, and i found it incredibly weird that it was never brought up (and i would also prefer if they brought that up instead of showing the unaccepting parents plot for the millionth time).
same goes for the lack of conversation around queer people on set. i think we all have a wonderful example of how much better a bl can get simply when it involves a queer director and/or screenwriter (gods bless p'aof), gay actors, etc. i also thought it was a missed opportunity that gene being a gay man writing a bl novel was never highlighted. if anything, everyone made a big deal out of him being a man writing a bl - never mind that he is a gay man that is far more qualified to write bls than a straight woman.
in conclusion, there are simply not enough queer issues talked about here for a show that is about queer people facing difficulties while making a queer drama.
tiffy and tum: the good, the bad, and the ugly
overall, tiffy and tum are quite cool. outside of my own personal feelings, i really liked the clear reversal of gender roles they have going on: he knows lots about make-up, she knows nothing about it, he knows how to sew, she knows how to repair a car, etc.
tiffy is also a nice addition to the precious few queer girls we have in bls. however, the way her being bi is executed... it isn't great. when she first talks about dating girls to tum, she says things like "even though i look like this" (implying queer girls have a certain look?) and "maybe it seemed normal because i was at an all-girls school" (which wtf does that even mean?). i think the worst thing, though, was when she assumed tum was gay. my best guess is she thought so because she initially thought that tum and gene were a couple; however, she should be the first person to know that just because he likes men, it doesn't mean that he doesn't like women or any other gender. even though there was nothing explicitly leading me to make this conclusion, this whole thing did kind of feel like the old "flipping the switch" stereotype (meaning, she used to like women, but now she likes men, and both of them can't happen simultaneously).
make it make sense
i think i've never been more confused in my entire life than when i found out that the director of "lovely writer" also happens to be the director of "th*arnt*pe". and if at first, i was asking a lot of questions about this peculiar individual, who went from working on the worst rape-romanticizing show we have ever had to a show that explicitly states that rape is not normal. but the more i thought about it, the less i was interested in him, and the more i was interested in whoever made the decision to hire him. there are dozens of different directors that have worked specifically on bls, and even more that haven't. yet out of all those, you decided to choose this one. the dude, who before your show has only directed the show with the biggest rape-y vibes. that casts a particular kind of shade on the entire show that i simply do not like.
conclusion
at the end of the day, i think what "lovely writer" tried to do was very interesting. it succeeded in some ways and failed in others. frankly, i think this show could have easily been made better if someone queer was involved in making it. that's always true, but especially so, when we try to talk about the issues of making a queer drama. either way, it's certainly a good start to this conversation; however - as i said - i'm still waiting for my manner of death but with the bl industry. this was unfortunately not it.
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tuiccim · 4 years
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Santi (Part 3)
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Pairing: Bucky X Reader
Words: 4538
Warnings: Fluff, flirt, Smut
Summary: While the team is still gone on their mission, you (Santi) and Bucky get called on for your own. 
Santi Masterlist
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You managed a few hours of sleep. When you wake up you see the knife dried with some of your blood on the nightstand. You slip on some shorts and take the knife with you to the kitchen, wash it, and then start making coffee.
"Good morning." You hear from behind. You turn to see Bucky in a tank and grey sweatpants looking rested.
"Good morning. How did you sleep after…?" You leave the question unfinished.
"Best I've slept in a while. A long while. Took a lot of effort to get out of bed." He smiles and your heart flip flops. He looks so content.
"I'm glad."
"What about you? You seem like you're still tired."
"I'm good. I've never really been able to sleep well." You shrug. Bucky notices his knife on the counter, picks it up and looks at it, then looks at you. You raise an eyebrow, "Thought you'd want it back."
"Yeah. It's my favorite." He twirls it in his hand.
"I figured. Being under your pillow and all." You smirk, "Boys and their toys."
"I stabbed you." You hear the sadness in his voice.
"Buck, it's fine. I'm fine. And that stays between us."
He looks at you but his face is still sad.
"Besides," you continue, "Nat's been telling me I needed a good stabbing lately. Course, I don't think that's exactly what she had in mind." You laugh darkly. 
Bucky's face is unreadable as you turn to pull two mugs down for coffee. When you turn back around you are blocked by a wall of Bucky. You look up into his stern face. "It was just a joke, Bucky. You can laugh."
"Why'd you pull away last night?"
You knew exactly what he meant but something in you wanted to be coy, "I didn't. What do you mean?"
"Fine. Why'd you pull up, then? Kissed my forehead."
You bit your lip, "I… you...I had just imbued you. It can be confusing. For everyone."
"I wasn't confused." Bucky was staring a hole through you and at that moment his eyes flickered to your mouth for just a moment. 
"But I was." You said quickly, "I wasn't sure if it was the emotional high or the fear from the nightmare. My empathic abilities have wreaked havoc in the past. I want to be sure a kiss is about me, not just the heat of the moment. And I...I couldn't tell."
"What about right now?" He says. Those blue eyes challenging you while still remaining soft. You could scarcely breathe. Bucky had moved closer and closer as you had talked. There was barely an inch between your bodies. His face hovered just above yours.
FRIDAY chimes in, "Agent Delarosa." 
You take a deep breath. "You're timing sucks, FRIDAY." Santi says, keeping eye contact with Bucky
"My apologies. Priority One communication."
Separating yourself from Bucky, you smooth your hair before saying, "On screen."
Maria Hill's image appears, "Agent Delarosa. Sergeant Barnes."
"Agent Hill." You say suspiciously, knowing only one reason could be behind a call from her. You had a grudging respect for Maria but the two of you had never been overly friendly.
Hill begins immediately, "A top priority mission has come up. We believe we've found a Hydra base containing operations intel. Security looks minor. The two of you should be able to clear it. I've sent the information to you. Good luck."
You glance back at Bucky who nods affirmation of acceptance. "Yeah, sure. We'll go. Sounds like fun." You say sarcastically to Hill. 
"Is there a problem, Agent?"
"Captain Rogers is gonna be pissed."
"Can't be helped. Check in. 36 hours"
"You got it, kid."
"Ag…"
"FRIDAY, Screen off." You cut Hill off. Doesn't hurt to remind her you have 20 years more experience occasionally. You turn to Bucky, grabbing him by the tank, you pull him flush against you. Looking up into his incredibly blue eyes you say, “Conversation to be continued?”
“Yeah, Doll.”
“Good. We've got a mission. Suit up. Quinjet, 20 minutes."
"You're kinda hot when you're all business." Bucky surprises you by saying. 
“Only kinda?” You say with a smirk before heading to your room to change. 
15 minutes later you board the quinjet. Bucky is already there and has begun preflight. You stow your gear and head towards the cockpit. Bucky looks up and gives you a slow once over. He’s not seen you in your tactical gear before which include a tight suit, boots, holster with guns at your hips and a selection of knives. You give a slow turn to ensure he gets a full view. 
“Do I pass muster, Sergeant Barnes?” You say with hands on hips.
Bucky’s eyes say it all but his gravelly voice is even more telling. “Definitely hot when you're all business."
You let out a small giggle. "Let's hit it."
Once in the air and the autopilot set, Bucky relaxes in his chair. You look over to find him staring at you. "Nervous?" You say.
He rolls his shoulders, "I'm…I'm not sure."
"I'm always a little nervous." You say looking at your tablet. "Hopefully, the intel is right. It doesn't look like more than half a dozen guards. The base is small." 
"Do you have a schematic?"
"Yeah. Looks like our best point of entry is to go through this side door. It leads to the center of the base and connects to the main corridors."
"What is the main target?"
"Computer system at the center of the base. Then a general sweep for any unknowns. We should be able to turn and burn. Probably beat the team back. Speaking of, I should call Steve. He's gonna flip."
Bucky gives you a look that clearly says better you than me. You dial Steve saying under your breath "Don't pick up, don't pick up, don't pick up." Bucky chuckles as Steve picks up on the third ring. 
"Hey, Santi."
"Hey, Steve. How's the mission going?"
"So far, so good. We are still on track to be home tomorrow. How is Bucky doing?"
"Hey Buck, Steve wants to know how you're doing." 
"Tell the punk I'm fine." Bucky grumbles good naturedly.
"He says he's fine, punk." You laugh.
"Sounds like the jerk." Steve says.
"Yeah, so, gotta call from Hill."
"What? Why?" You can hear Steve's mind go into overdrive 
"Quick mission. We are heading to grab some intel." You breeze.
"What!?!" Steve's voice is hard.
"I heard that all the way over here." Bucky smirks from the cockpit.
"Yeah, he's heartbroken that I'm taking your virginity on this one." You sass to Bucky and hear Steve practically choke through the phone. 
"Santi!" Steve says in his aggravated tone. "Why did you accept?"
"Oh, yeah, like there was a way to turn it down. Plus, Barnes is the one that accepted." You say.
"Me?" Bucky reacts.
"You nodded. It's all your fault" You call to Bucky before turning back to the phone, "He takes full responsibility, Steve. Steve?...Steve I can hear you pulling your hair out over the phone. Stop!"
"What's the mission?" Steve asks.
"Don't worry I'm taking it easy on the first timer over here." You say grinning.
Bucky pipes up, "Hardly my first mission, Santi."
"I'll be gentle with him, Steve. I know how hard the first time back in the saddle can be. I'll return him without a scratch." You give Bucky a shit eating grin while he shakes his head.
"Santi!" Steve's aggravated voice.
"Small base. Turn and burn. Intel sweep. No biggie. Chill. I got your boy. I'll check in tomorrow. Bye."
"Be safe." Steve grouses.
"You got it, Cap." Ending the call, you turn to Bucky. "That wasn't so bad."
"That mouth of yours." Bucky chuckles.
"What about it?" You say innocently.
Bucky looks at your smile for a minute before his eyes flicker up to yours. "It's gonna get you into some dangerous situations."
"Oh but it gets me out of so many. What can I say? I have a very limber tongue." You say with a knowing grin. 
"I look forward to testing that out." Bucky shifts in his chair. 
"Uncomfortable?" Your eyes linger on his thick thighs.
"Let's just say the space is getting a little tight in here."
You chuckle, "Well, as much as I would love to continue this conversation we best get back to work. We need to go over everything and agree on tactics."
"You got it, Doll." Bucky shifts again in his seat but turns his attention to the tablet you're holding. Two hours later you're in the back of the quinjet triple checking the supplies. Finding everything in order you head back to the cockpit. "How are we looking?" 
"Closing in." Bucky says.
"You've got the landing coordinates in?"
"Yes."
"Is stealth ready?"
Bucky eyes you, remaining silent.
"Sorry." You say taking a deep breath. "I start to get keyed up and tend to micromanage."
"It's cute, Doll. Everything's ready. Is it me making you nervous?"
"No." You say with a shake of your head.
"Because I know we've never worked together before."
"It's not that. It's just me. I'm always like this before a mission. I'll mellow out by the time we get there." You flash him a nervous smile while bouncing on the balls of your feet. Might as well let him see your quirks now. "You should have seen me the first time I was on mission with Clint and Natasha. They were like a well oiled machine together and here I am a bundle of nerves. I think Nat might have tied me to a chair if Clint hadn't been there. Nat will tell you the story at some point but she says before we got there it was like I'd never been on a mission before and it wasn't until after we landed she saw the seasoned vet come out." 
"Well, we're almost there. It’s a trek to the base once we set down."
"Everything's ready." You felt the quinjet adjust trajectory and knew it must be approaching the landing space. Bucky turns back to the controls and watches as the jet approaches a clearing in the heavily wooded area. As soon as you land you both begin securing the jet and then carefully step out onto the terrain. After ensuring the area is secure Bucky nods his head in the direction you need to move and you follow.
After a while you spot the base and make out the entrance you had indicated on the schematic. One guard stood sentry by the post. Looking over to Bucky you see him take aim at the guard with his sidearm but you hold up your hand with a slight shake of your head. Instead you take out a small taser disc he immediately recognizes. However, Bucky looks at you, shakes his head and motions with the firearm. You stare at each other for a minute. A battle of wills going on before you fling the disc at the camera over the door. The guard looks up surprised and Bucky takes his shot. Together, you carefully make your way to the door. 
"Thought we should get rid of the camera before the guard." You smile slyly at him.
"I was going to take them both out with one shot." He grins at you for just a moment. 
"Right." You say while rolling your eyes.
Bucky hauls the guard up and places his thumb on the door scanner. It flashes green allowing your entrance. Inside it's quiet and dim. You take the lead and slowly make your way down the hall. Nearing the main corridors you spot another camera and fling a second disc at it. You round the corner and find yourself suddenly flying through the air slamming your right shoulder into the opposite wall. You fall to the ground stunned. The behemoth that threw you looks down at you but suddenly drops as a bullet tears through his skull.
"Santi, are you alright?"
"Fuck. Are there any more coming?" You struggle to your feet.
"No. Are you alright?" Bucky says insistently. 
"My shoulders dislocated. I need you to put it back in place." You grimace as your arm dangles.
"Shit." Bucky eyes your arm. 
"I'll be fine. Just gotta get it back in." You grab one of your knives and bite down on the grip. Nodding to Bucky, he takes your arm and expertly snaps it into place. You internalize your scream as much as possible. After a few moments you take the knife from your mouth and put it back in place, breathing heavily. Bucky has one arm holding out his gun to protect you and another holding you steady as your breathing returns to normal. "Fuck, that hurts everytime."
"Shit, I'm sorry." Bucky says.
"It's fine. It'll be completely healed in another minute." Rolling your shoulder, you wince and grab your gun. "Two down. Let's go."
Bucky nods and takes point. You make quick work of the remaining guards but remain on alert. When you enter the center of the base you cross quickly to the computer bank and begin work. 
"Know what you're doing?" Bucky jokes.
"Vaffanculo." You smirk.
"The mouth on you." He laughs.
"This is gonna take a few." You murmur as you work through the intel. Bucky remains vigilant while examining the rest of the room. 
"Got it." You say pulling the thumb drive from the port. You click through the security feed to see if any threats or areas of interest pop up. "Bucky, there's something in storage. Off the southwest corridor." 
"Let's go." He says. Both moving quickly you head to the storage room and find it lined with boxes. Bucky breaks the first one open and you look inside.
"This is all Chitauri weapons and armor." 
"You sound disappointed." Bucky says.
"Would've preferred something interesting." You shrug.
"What should we do with it?" Bucky asks. 
"Destroy it." You say. "We'll hit the base from the quinjet. Take the whole thing out."
"You sure?" He says.
"Standard order for finds like this. We don't want it and we don't want anyone else to have it." You head out the door and Bucky follows. Back at the quinjet, Bucky fires everything up while you set coordinates for the base destruction. The quinjet lifts off and once you reach a fair distance you see the base become a ball of fire.
"Turn and burn." You say as you and Bucky watch it for a moment. Bucky sets the autopilot and you both sit back in the pilot chairs to relax for a few minutes. You turn to him, "Congrats on your first mission."
"How's the shoulder?" He asks.
"Did something happen to my shoulder?" You ask mockingly.
"You heal but it still hurts, huh?" Bucky looks over at you.
"Yup." You say quietly.
"Is there anything you can't heal?"
"Not that I've found yet. I've been shot, stabbed, poisoned. Even took a bullet to the heart and still healed." You shrug. "Never been shot in the head though. That might be the one thing that can end me. I don't know." 
"Let's not test it out." Bucky raises an eyebrow at you.
You laugh, "Not planning on it. I'm starving. You want some food?"
"Yeah. That'd be great."
You head to the back of the quinjet to rummage around for the protein bars and two plums you had thrown in your pack. Bucky smiled as you handed him two of the bars and a plum. 
"Sorry it's not a nicer dinner." You say as you take your seat again.
"It'll work for now. Maybe I can take you to a nicer dinner?" Bucky blushes a bit as he looks over at you.
"You asking me on a date?" You smile at him.
"Yeah, Doll. You accepting?"
"Yes, sir, Sergeant. I'd be delighted." You grin at him.
"Steve said the team will be back tomorrow?"
"Yeah."
"How about the next day?" Bucky cocks an eyebrow.
"I like the way you think, Sargeant. Give time for everyone to debrief and settle." Good God, looking at the man was making you hot. You question if you've ever been as attracted to someone. Not jumping him was gonna be hard. Your tongue darts out to moisten your lips and you bite down on your lower lip as you look into his eyes.
"Doll, don't do that."
"What?" 
He just stares at your mouth for a minute.
You smile wickedly. "This?" You repeat the action and he groans."Why, Sergeant, are you having impure thoughts about me?"
"Doll, I've been having impure thoughts about you since I saw you bite into that plum when we first met."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
"Good. Me, too."
"Really?"
Quickly, you maneuver yourself onto your knees in your seat and, leaning over the console, pull Bucky in for a kiss. Your mouths meld and tongues dance as fire rips through both of you. When you manage to pull away, you're both breathless for a minute. "Really, really." You whisper against his lips.
"That mouth of yours is gonna be the death of me."
You grin, "Don't worry I know mouth to mouth." You both chuckle as you pull together for another kiss. 
After a minute you pull away and sit back down with a stupid grin on your face. Looking at him you're a little scared of the feelings welling up in you and whether Bucky was feeling the same way. You had gone from 0 to 100 quickly. Was it too fast? The old temptation to slip into his mind and decipher his emotions was strong and you had to fight it. It wasn’t right. Not without his consent. It was a violation. You didn’t care when it came to the enemy, but it was a matter of trust when it came to friends. He was staring out the windshield as you sat there pondering and studying his profile. He is so beautiful. Take it as it comes, Santi, you remind yourself. 
“You gonna fall asleep on me? “ You joke. 
“I’m a little too worked up to sleep.” He says with a wink. 
“We have a little over an hour left til we’re back. I’m gonna try to get the mission report done if you have no objections.”
“Doing the paperwork for the mission? Nope, not gonna object at all.” He grins. 
You laugh, “You’ll still have to read and sign it.”
“No problem.”
You get to work and by the time the jet is descending Bucky has reviewed and signed off on the report. He jokingly comments on your omission of your shoulder dislocation and glowing description of his work. 
“I figured I’d make you look good since it was your first mission as an Avenger.” You smirk.
Once the jet lands, you grab your gear. Going over to the console on the wall, you insert the thumb drive and upload the intel that was gathered. 
“F.R.I.D.A.Y., call Maria Hill please.” You say. 
“Yes, Agent Delarosa.” F.R.I.D.A.Y. responds. 
“Hill.” Maria’s face is on screen. 
“Hey, kid!” You smirk.
“Agent Delarosa.” Maria deadpans.
“Intel is uploaded. Mission report is filed. That must be a record.” 
“Good work, Agent, Sergeant.” Hill nods at both of you. 
“Seriously? That’s all you got? Come on, Hill, you gave us 36 hours and we finished in less than a third of the time. Gimme a little love. You know you want to.” You sass Hill and despite herself you see a little smile form. 
“Maybe next time. If you stop referring to me as kid.” Maria sasses back. 
“You should have more respect for your elders, young lady.” You blow her a kiss and wink as you say, “F.R.I.D.A.Y., screen off.”
Bucky looks as if he is holding back laughter. You smile at him, “Okay. I’m ready to get out of this gear, have a shower, and find some real food. How about you?” 
“My shower or yours?” Bucky raises an eyebrow. 
“Nice try.” You smirk as you head to the elevator. 
“You’re breaking my heart, Doll.” Bucky smirks back. 
Forty-five minutes later you meet Bucky in the kitchen and together make a quick dinner. After eating, you both settle on the couch.
“Whatcha wanna watch?” You ask.
“Something funny?” He says.
You smile, “I was thinking the same thing. Have you ever seen Bad Boys? It’s a mix of comedy and action.”
“Sounds good to me.”
You start the movie and within minutes Bucky has grabbed you by the waist to pull you to him. You lean into him and curl your fingers around his metal ones. It feels so right and easy. Bucky seems to love the movie. He laughs and enjoys the action sequences. Occasionally, he murmurs a question in your ear about different references. You had to pause for a minute to explain to him about the show Cops and the song Bad Boys. He seems to appreciate your willingness to explain and patience. When the movie ends, you look over at Bucky to find him staring at you. 
“What?” You say smiling. He doesn’t answer but leans in for a kiss. You respond immediately. His lips are so soft and you lose yourself in the feel of them. He shifts closer to you and you feel his hand on your waist pulling you in. Your tongues seek each other almost desperately. Arching into him, he groans. When you finally separate moments later you are both breathless and staring into each other's eyes. 
Bucky is the first to speak, “You know you’re pretty amazing?”
“Yeah? You’re pretty amazing, too.” You press a soft kiss to his lips. Standing up, you hold your hand out to him and he follows you to the elevator. As you hit the button for your floor, you say, “The team will be back tomorrow.”
“Yeah.”
“Wanna have a sleepover on our last night alone?” You look at him feeling nervous and bite your lower lip. 
The elevator doors open and Bucky backs you into the hallway wall. “What did I tell you about biting your lip like that?”
“Do it whenever I want to get my way?” You smile at him. 
He kisses you. A hard stamp on the lips. “It’s, um, it’s been awhile since i’ve had a sleepover.”
“I’ll go easy on ya.” 
“Not too easy, Doll.”
You lead Bucky to your room and pull him in for a kiss as you back both of you to the bed. He brings his hands up to cup your face and pulls away to look into your eyes. "Are you sure, Doll?"
Wordlessly, you lift your arms up so he can easily remove your shirt. He tosses it to the side and pulls his own off. Gently, he lays you back on the bed and melds his mouth to yours. Your hands travel over his hard chest feeling the muscles ripple before making their way to his waist where you pull his body even closer to you. He groans into your mouth as he lifts you slightly to unfasten your bra and slip it off your arms. You lay back with your arms above your head as he stares down at you. 
"You're gorgeous, Doll. All of you." He says before lowering his head to take a nipple into his mouth. You suck in a breath as he lavishes attention on your breasts. 
"Ohhhh...Bucky," you whisper as he slowly moves his hands to the waistband of your leggings and pauses, "yes."
He pulls your leggings and panties off as you reach to undo his pants. Pushing his pants down his legs he is already hard and you’ve barely touched him. You put a hand to his chest and push him down onto the bed. You devour him with your eyes and slowly slide hands down to his cock. He hisses with jaw clenched when you touch him. Unable to resist, you wrap your lips around his head and swirl your tongue. His hands go to your hair as he urges you on. You take him as deep as you can and listen to his moans as you work your tongue against him. Wrapping one hand around his base to work him and using the other to palm his balls, you continue to work him. 
“Fuck, Doll. That mouth of yours.” Bucky groans as he gently pulls you away and devours your mouth with his. His hand trails down your body and he presses against your core feeling the slickness. “So wet for me already.” he says as he presses kisses along your neck. His fingers slide across your slick folds skimming your clit before moving down to press a finger into you. Your breath hitches and you whimper at the sensation. Encouraged, Bucky adds a second finger while using his thumb to press your clit. 
“Bucky.” You moan his name as his lips wrap around your nipple. 
“Doll, want inside you so bad.” Bucky says,, “Can’t wait.”
“Yes.” You say quickly.  Bucky removes his fingers and rolls himself on top of you with a searing kiss. You feel him line up with your entrance and then agonizingly slow he pushes in. 
“I thought your mouth was going to kill me, but you're so tight. So wet.” Bucky groans.
You slide your hands to his ass and press him forward encouraging him on. “Feels so good, Bucky.” 
Once he fully buries himself he stills for a moment pressing his forehead to yours. “You okay?”
“So fucking okay.” You wrap your legs around him and encourage him to move. He begins to slowly work himself in and out. Each thrust nearly takes your breath away. You feel the pleasure coiling inside of you. “Harder.” you whisper to Bucky and it’s as if he needed the permission to let go. His hips begin to slam into you. “Yes, yes.” You can’t stop the moans escaping your lips. Bucky’s fingers dig into your sides as he continues thrusting. 
“You’re so perfect, Doll. So fucking perfect. I’m so close.” Bucky groans into your ear as he fastens his lips to the side of your neck. His words propel you over the edge. Your body clenches around his cock and you cry out his name. His hips stutter as he reaches his own release with a moan. 
Bucky rolls to his side and pulls you to him pressing a kiss to your temple. 
“Was I gentle enough?” you tease. 
“No, I think you broke me.” He laughs. “That was uh, the first time in a while for me. I didn’t mean to be in such a hurry but you got me so worked up, Doll.”
“Hey.” You kiss him. “I didn’t mind. You got me all worked up, too.”
“How long before I can get you worked up again?” He asks, nuzzling your ear. 
“You just say the word, Sergeant.”
“Now.” 
“Thank God.” You push him up against the headboard and straddle him. He seals his mouth to yours. Feeling his already growing arousal against you, you know you're in for a long, satisfying night.
Part 4
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TBHK theory: is Tsukasa really the "abuser"? + the meaning of the ropes
So I know that it is a common belief in the fandom that Hanako was abused by someone close to him since he did say that "he forgives it". And since he forgives it, it's obvious that it must be someone important to him, right? And that someone is most likely Tsukasa... or is it?
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The reason why we think that is because of Hanako's reactions to when he runs into Tsukasa. So I guess a lot of us just assumed that he reacted that way because he's scared of Tsukasa. But I think that rather being scared of Tsukasa, he's scared of himself. Remember when he jumped on Yashiro after Tsukasa first showed up? I can't find the post anymore but I do remember someone saying that reenacting a past traumatic experience is a common way to "deal" with it. Thus he jumped on Yashiro to emulate that because seeing Tsukasa made him remember when he killed him. Which is why he's always so uncomfortable around Tsukasa: because it makes him think of a traumatic event. Not necessarily because Tsukasa was the "abuser".
We also have this image:
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Which makes us think that Tsukasa might be the abuser because Hanako is bound by ropes while a shadow that looks like Hanako is saying something in his ear. A common idea here, is that the shadow is Tsukasa, however I'm not sure about that. If it really is Tsukasa, then why does he not have the patch on his right cheek? It might just be me, but besides the clothes, I think that the obvious way to tell Hanako and Tsukasa apart is the patches they have on their cheeks. Hanako's is on his left cheek and Tsukasa's is on the right. But as we can see the shadow doesn't have Tsukasa's patch. If the shadow does have a patch then it's on the side that we can't see: the left side, the same as Hanako's.
Thus, I think that this shadow might, or might not be a metaphoric representation of Hanako himself, fucking himself over and tying himself town out of guilt because he killed his brother. Hanako is blaming himself. After all, we can also see the knife being bound as a way to remind himself of what he did.
Oh, and let's talk about the ropes.
Another belief is that maybe Hanako was abused with ropes, that Tsukasa may have been into... bondage?? And he did that to his twin brother?? This doesn't sound right, doesn't it?
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Tsuchigomori says: "you're always covered in cuts and bruises" but there's no mention of ropes. I mean, I'm only assuming here, but if the abuser really did use ropes then wouldn't they be easy to see? Tsuchigomori also says that it happens every single day so all the bruises he has on his body must always be fresh/recent, right? I would guess that rope bruises are really easy to identify whether you're a nurse or a normal person.
But then... What the hell do the ropes mean?! Well I have an easy answer to give: those ropes are a recurring theme in TBHK.
Almost all of the covers of the volumes have ropes on them and even side art from Aida.
Look at this:
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So there could be 2 different explanations for this:
1) Aida likes drawing ropes
2) Ropes are a metaphor for something
I think it's obviously answer n°2.
Maybe what I'm going to say sounds super obvious, but I feel like ropes are a way to show us that all of those characters are "bound" together. Their stories and lives are all tied together since they're all important characters in the story and they're the ones to move the plot forward.
We can see it especially here:
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The rope is tied to Hanako's pinky finger, and most times, in Japanese culture they call that the "red string of fate". Basically, you're tied to someone else. Which is most times your soulmate. That whole rope thing means that all of those characters' fates are tied to eachother.
But now the last point: if I don't think that the abuser is Tsukasa and that the rope doesn't mean that Hanako was abused with ropes then what the hell does this all mean? Who's the abuser?
Well to be honest... I don't know.
I think the obvious answer here would be their parents. I mean, we know nothing about them. Where are they?? Could Hanako and Tsukasa be orphans?
Maybe they were abused in the orphanage, after all, it's common knowledge that Japanese orphanages are shit. (Or at least they were shittier back then, maybe now it's better but I'm not a specialist in the subject.)
Also, isn't it weird how we always saw past Hanako but never past Tsukasa? Why? Why haven't we seen him yet? Maybe because Tsukasa was abused even more than Hanako.
Let me explain: we got this whole explanation
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This is in chapter 46 when Amane was talking about Scorpius and Antares, and how they're actually twin stars but that one of the 2 is brighter than the other so you can only see one of them. (Sorry for the quality of the image, I can't find better.)
This is obviously a metaphor for Amane and Tsukasa. So what does it all mean?
Well, long story short: I think that Tsukasa wasn't allowed to go to school while Amane was.
If my orphanage theory is correct, then I would guess that the orphanage had funding issues (I mean, it's a problem even to this day and not only in Japan. Orphanages being short on money because the governement doesn't care enough to help abandoned kids is ocurrent.)
So I don't find that hard to believe that the orphanage might've been like "Fuck it! Let' send the older twin brother to school and the younger one can stay here. We can't afford to send all of our children to school after all." I mean it's weird, right? That in the flashback Tsuchigomori didn't even mention Tsukasa. If Tsukasa was really going to school and was the abuser then wouldn't Tsuchigomori be like "oh, it's weird how your twin brother doesn't have any bruises while you do. Is he the one to do this?"
But no. There is absolutely no mention of Tsukasa whatsoever. Which is really, really weird. I had twins in my classroom throughout elementary school and middle school and they were always put in the same classroom. So if Tsukasa really did go to school I would guess that they would not only be in the same classroom, but also Tsuchigomori would bring him up.
Thus while Amane was in school, Tsukasa was the one being abused, and that's why he's so fucked in the head. Because Tsukasa was actually the one getting most of the beatings, the cuts and the bruises.
Of course, school in Japan lasts longer than in the west with the clubs and all. But I would guess that Amane didn't join a club because he wanted to get back as quickly as possible to help his brother. That's why Amane didn't have any friends. Because he would always rush to the orphanage after school.
I think, Amane being the caring big brother he is, he would take the abuse instead of Tsukasa when he was "home" to protect him as much as he could, but since he was at school most of the time, Tsukasa was the one taking most of the beatings.
And since Amane was going to school, I would guess that they went "easier" on him so the teachers wouldn't call the cops on them. That's also why Amane decided "not to go anywhere anymore."
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Because whenever he's away from his brother, Tsukasa gets hurt. Amane decided to throw his dream away to protect Tsukasa from the abusers.
And so, that is also why I think that Tsukasa has a mental illness. That's why he's so much more emotionally unstable than Amane. Hanako has obviously problems too, but Tsukasa is the one who got the short end of the stick.
I would guess, Tsukasa may be a sociopath at this point. A current belief, is that sociopaths like to hurt animals/kill them to feel something. When someone is abused, what the brain does is to "repress" emotions to feel less pain. That's how different mental illnesses get born.
For example, "dissociating" to feel like you're not you, to believe that it's someone else who's suffering right now your brain tries to make you believe that you're "out" of your body.
Dissociative personality disorder makes you develop multiple personalities inside yourself so you can switch between them and feel like you're safe while another personality is taking the abuse for you.
And then, of course, sociopathy, your brain "turns off" your emotions for you to stay "sane" but funnily enough, in the long run it makes you insane since you can't feel emotions in normal situations anymore.
A lot of mental illnesses come from traumatic experiences, they're defensive mechanisms after all. Mental illnesses are your brain trying to protect you from excessive pain...
This got dark real quick, sorry.
Anyway, this whole theory started with a thought I had: "Why would a sibling, not to mention a TWIN, abuse his brother?"
The conclusion I came to is: they wouldn't.
I'm not saying that it's definitely impossible at a 100% but I always found that weird how everyone thinks that a twin sibling would abuse his other sibling. Especially since twins are so close.
And to end it all...
I think that what went down with the Yugi siblings is that, one day they decided to end it all. They couldn't take the suffering anymore so they decided to kill themselves.
But right at the end, Tsukasa's emotions finally kicked in and he got scared at the last moment. And so, he begged Amane to finish the job. Amane then got traumatized from killing his brother and he ran to the girls' bathroom and hung himself out of guilt. Or maybe he also stabbed himself like Tsukasa? Who knows.
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purplerose244 · 4 years
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Thoughts journal about Season 13!! 💪💪 (1/4)
Phew, I actually made it to the English release without spoilers! 🤩 I do know general things about little plots for the ninja, hopefully nothing major! Finally, the Cole season we've all been waiting for, with Rock Mom and possibly plenty of our Earth baby development! COLE IN THE SPOTLIGHT AT LAST!! 🖤🖤
Well, I know I'll be shooting rainbows from my eyeballs if I see even one Nexo Knights reference! For the rest I don't really know what will happen, I'm curious! 🤔
It's the 6th of July, and here we go!!
GENERAL THOUGHTS
Is it just me or the dialogues sounds better? More built up, funnier, cohesive just like in the earliest seasons of Ninjago? Maybe it's just me but I'm really appreciating 🤷‍♀️
It also doesn't feel that rushed anymore! Which was my biggest problem in Prime Empire really. The episodes seem to me like fragments of a nice movie, not a too long story forced into 11 minutes. I'm very happy with the quality so far, I feel good about this for now! 👍
No matter what season it is, you can count on The Fold to make an AMAZING intro!! Freaking awesome, it was epic and very final battle like 👌👌 I WANT THE FULL VERSION ASAP!!!
SHINTARO
I do appreciate we are not forgetting about the adventures we had until now, it feels like from season 11 forward we are building a new backstory of. But they still show stuff from the very first seasons so I'm happy anyway 😍
Pff, Cole plays Prime Empire right after being trapped in it. And Lloyd joins in! YES!! Maybe there is hope for a season without greenie being traumatized! 👍👍
Also he's doing laundry because I DON'T WANNA DO THE DISHES NO MORE~ 😎
The chicken is back 😂 The constant reference to the movie we are all kinda attached to a this point (well I am, LOOK AT THE LITTLE HAT 💕💕)
Is it me being a "I've rewatched this show way too much" type of fan to feel that Nya saying that Jay using Spinjitzu for chores will get Wu mad might be a reference to how the guys had cleaned the very first Destiny Bounty with that? You think that Wu found out and got crazy mad? That would be kinda cool 😂😂
Okay, poor sensei and all, but he's kinda right 😅 I like Wu, I really do, but Aspheera was a problem kinda because of him, they all going to another dangerous realm could have been dealt a lot better if he hadn't been so on edge and in Prime Empire he freaking got kidnapped by NORMAL PEOPLE. Maybe he is getting old 🤷‍♀️
At last, he has returned...
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THE ONE AND ONLY RULER OF NINJAGO, THE POSTMAN!!! 💜💜💜 Was he missing since March of the Oni? I can't remember if he was around for the Aspheera part 🤔
Soooo, not to be that person, but a secret group of royals asking the ninja to meet them in a place that was never open for outsiders before then? Kinda... feels familiar... *SoG flashbacks* 😰
Okay, not the biggest fan of Misako, but her scolding Wu was kinda fun 🤣 Needed to change the animation for her to get a bit of personality apparently 😉
Ah, you left Pixal behind to let her do... chores. Well, if you guys are happy 😒
Ninja babies all excited ❤💚💙🖤🤍💦 Also I'm excited because there is FINALLY a white heart between the emoji! I didn't notice it until now, I just need a gray/maroon heart now 😍
Jay screaming NOT MADE UP cracked me up so much 😂😂 Gosh I love my bluebell
A bit of action scene, nice, nice, also Cole going full buddy mode to save Jay gives me my beautiful Bruise vibes 💙🖤💙🖤
Well hello Brian
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Looking good 💕💕 The designs are rocking in season 12 and 13, I cannot tell it enough! Super super cool
Overall nice episode, seemed more nicely focused than usual, I don't know if it's just me. I'm happy anyway 😁
Ooohhhh, so the sails were ripped off by the bats, and they were flying thanks to the soldier guys with wings. It makes sense, I was confused by the trailer, now there's the answer!
IN THE DARK
Okay, Vania introduction, I wonder what kind of princess we will get after last ti-
Vania: I'm such a big fan of you, I was the one that insisted at having you here! 🤩
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... besides the fact that she sounds and looks absolutely ADORABLE, I'm kinda with Lloyd about feeling suspicious... because that's exactly how Harumi introduced herself back then 😅 And away it goes, the possibility of Lloyd spending a season without feeling disturbed or traumatized...
Ah, there we go, Cole and Vania. Soft looks, instant attention and... that's it? Idk, Jay and Nya's meeting had that one very awkward color question (💙❤💙❤), Kai literally heard romantic music while looking at Sky (❤🧡❤🧡), Lloyd was being mocked all the way by the guys as he looked at Harumi (💚😰💚😰). This one seems a bit weak? I don't mind it actually, I'm actually a bit curious about how it will develop since it started like this 🤷‍♀️
References to Hiroshi's Labyrinth and the Tournament of Elements, my fangirl heart is happy 😍 Is it too much thinking that the maze was a reference to Shadow of Ronin, since they all went there in the game while in the show only Lloyd was at the Labyrinth? Idk 🤷‍♀️
JAY SAYING COLE IS HIS BEST FRIEND, YES!! YES!! FINALLY, HAVEN'T HEARD IT SINCE SKYBOUND!!! BROTP IS BACK 🖤💙🖤💙 Also Jay confused that Vania is interested in Cole, pff, you clearly don't know the fandom 😂
But it is a bit fishy, does she knows stuff? Now I'm into it...
Lloyd sneaking in, that was creepy 🤣 And ninja like, of course
I kinda like how this is going, Cole straight up saying dude, I just met her, calm down. Like, I do understand green bean and I'm kinda on his side, but still 🤷‍♀️
Cole: I'm not just gonna jump on the lovesick wagon like you weirdos, geez
"It felt like a cloud of warm contentment." I'm gonna use this whenever someone asks me why have I been in my bed all day 😎
I know they all believed Cole was just dreaming the purple guy, but honestly they could have just said "Cole, we had flaming snakes raining on Ninjago a few weeks ago, what are you so worked up about?". But yeah, ROCK MOM FINALLY!!! I wanna know more!! 😍😍😍
Mr Sparkles 😂😂 So cute
Vania is cool for now, she is basically the innocent Harumi without a scarring tragedy from her past changing her into a vengeful villain... yeah 😅
Did Cole notice that she talks a lot and loud, kinda like Jay? Is that why he seemed a bit annoyed? 😂😂
For now they don't seem that annoyingly into each other, they look chill, no major lovesick moment or anything. I like it, I don't know if this ship will be super important or something, but at least I'm happy they are dealing with it in a different way 👍
With all these creatures chained up and a crazy dude making them work, Cole must have one HECK of a flashback from back in Chen's island 😵
Okay, I get the drama, I get the lair which is
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Legit cool, with that nice Underworld vibe, but really? A wood door with ropes behind a lava fall? Security measures who? 😂😂
So Skull dude is the bad guy, and has a mask. People with masks means big reveal at some point. I like dudes with masks 😗
Aaaahhh, figures it was too easy being in a literal mine with the power of Earth. They really can't keep their powers for more than five seconds now can they 😂😂
But this seems interesting, is it connected with the burst thing they said in the trailer? Or even Cole's mom? Is this Skull Sorcerer connected to her? I HAVE QUESTIONS PEOPLE!!!
I am legit enjoying this 👌 They are building up questions and I do hope we'll get a good flashback moment with Rock mom... or even finding out if something else happened to her... EXCITED 🤩🤩
So to be the main ninja of a season lately you have to be either without powers (Kai Fire Chapter) or trapped in an unknown place (Zane Ice Chapter and Jay Prime Empire). Cole got them both 😅
IT REALLY IS ROCKY'S SEASON FINALLY 😎😎
WORST RESCUE EVER
Mm, the king is being weird, what's up with this mountain thing? Does he know who the Skull Sorcerer is? QUESTIONS
So Vania keeps being extremely adorable, I think I really like her character 💕 We'll see what will happen with her, how she will interact with the others, especially Lloyd since he seems very suspicious... can't really blame him 😅
Kai ready to argue with a king because one of his friend is in danger, THAT'S MY FLAME BABE ❤❤❤
Okay, the conflict between the two tribes, I read about this in some plots of the season. Not sure how that will play, but
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I did laughed at this 😂 Sorry Mole
Okay, seriously, have we not learned anything from letting Kai come up with a plan? The notoriously bad planner Kai? The think before talking Kai? The let's follow the sun because yes Kai? I love him to dead but really, it was meant to go bad right away even if the title wasn't that 😅😅😅
AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO GOT EMOTIONAL AT COLE'S NINJA-GO WHILE DOING SPINJITZU?? 😭😭 They don't say it that much anymore before spinning, it kinda hit my tornado shaped heart 🖤🖤
I expected at least a comment about them being similar to the Skulkin, too bad. Not fundamental though, I'm really enjoying this so far 👍
Well, all of the ninja are trapped now 😅 Is Wu going to come for the rescue? Is Vania? I know they will be separated and will all go on separated quests, and I'm kinda more looking forward to it now. Let's see what happens!! 🤩
THE TWO BLADES
Considering how big of a fan Vania seems to be of the ninja, I bet she had those figures way before this moment 😂
Wooooo, hearing someone addressing Cole as the leader, does this count as a major throwback to pilots and season 1? I would make it count 😍
Okay here Vania does seem into Cole, we'll see how that plays out 🤷‍♀️
Ooooooooohhhhhh, vengestone! This actually make more sense than the last two times they were left without powers 😅 We never actually saw where that material came from, and here there's an actual mine full of it! Very cool, I like this! Big question is, what does Skull dude need all this vengestone for? 🤔🤔
Okay, the legends fits, sounds good enough but... she? SHE?!? WAS THAT ROCK MOM??? She was clearly a ninja and she did spinjitzu!! I didn't even considered the possibility, I only saw Misako, Doubloon and Aspheera knowing Spinjitzu before!! An actual mom?? THAT WOULD BE EPIC!! 🖤
Pff, these tribes are a bunch of idiots, I actually like them 😂 I like them better than the rats of Prime Empire that's for sure, but maybe that's just me 🤔
Aww, this Mino creature is cure! Cole did pretty good with him, does he remind him of Rocky? ☹
Nice, this I was waiting for! Cole and Lloyd together, leaders collaboration 💚🖤💚🖤 It didn't last much, but I think there will be more of it? I HOPE SO!!!
So the blades must be somewhere hidden, if they really have been taken by the Skull Sorcerer. I mean, even in Prime Empire they thought for sure Unagami was Dyer, so I wouldn't jump on it right away 🤔
There we go, the divided team! I knew about Kai and Zane stuck together, I remember stuff not too promising about Nya having to fight for Jay, but I'm honestly really enjoying the season so far! I like the pace and it doesn't seem as rushed as before! I hope we get to some good plot twists and backstories soon!! 🤩🤩
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