#see y’all in Game 7 where anxiety will be at an all time high

[robohintz]

Deserves first star for this, truly 😩✨

#did I make these gifs mostly for myself? yes! #see y’all in Game 7 where anxiety will be at an all time high #K’Andre Miller #Rangers lb #New York Rangers #nhl #hockey

[theseerasures]

Conspicuous Media Consumption, 2020

it’s that time of year again! *saddest toot from the party horn*

for those of you just joining us: it’s a “consume a different content every week for 48 weeks of the year” challenge. for a longer explanation, check out last year’s write-up here, and as always, feel free to pop in and ask questions about any and all of this content.

(same disclaimer as last year too: content for this project ONLY here, and not certain...*looks at my billion Sad Cop Lady posts*...hyperfixations.)

(man remember when i was big into X-Men comics earlier this year? better times than these, if only because no one's discoursing about Emma Frost’s woobie/war criminal ratio anymore--her w/w, if you will)

(...i swear at one point i didn’t exclusively like platinum blondes but alas)

Bitter Root (comic, 1 issue finished 1/1/2020): still very cool on a basic concept level, but runs into the Image Comics problem of just not having enough content to keep my interest beyond that. part of that is on me, for picking it up again BEFORE the second arc rolled out, but the first five issues didn’t really follow (or resolve) any cohesive story either, so...meh.

Immortal Hulk (comic, 3 trades finished 1/17/2020): still not gonna be something i care deeply about (maybe one of Bruce’s Hulksonas dyed his hair???), but i do want to give kudos to Al Ewing for sheer consistency in terms of sustaining this level of quality storytelling month by month for more than two years now. working with the dense archive of the Hulk mythos and managing to make it interesting and thoughtful is impressive even if i personally would not expend the same effort.

Disco Elysium (game, finished 1/18/2020): honestly i should have twigged onto what this year was gonna be like when the third thing i drew from the barrel was pure uncut Eastern European flavored depression. i faintly recall people ragging on it for being pretentiously cynical, but i actually thought its core slid more towards idealism than people give it credit for. also gratified that i haven’t heard anything about Robert Kurvitz using slave labor to finish it, which is a thing we have to say about our video games now!!! fun.

Watchmen (TV, 7 episodes finished 1/27/2020): i am a fool who wants to believe in Damon Lindelof and I WAS RIGHT!!! honestly still cannot believe that he pulled off this highwire act with such deft aplomb. might be my favorite TV this year, which is a pretty high bar given how much TV i ended up watching.

On a Sunbeam (comic, finished 2/1/2020): Tillie Walden rightly deserves all the praise for inventive queer storytelling, but i will say that on reread--since i first read this as a webcomic--there ARE some issues with pacing here that clearly come from the foibles of its original intended medium. still just excellent, even if after some plot significant haircuts i was having trouble telling a few folks apart.

Lazarus (comic, 1 trade finished 2/8/2020): it’s so good and i want moooooorrrreee--though obviously Rucka and Lark have the right to take all the time they need. the newer longer issues work really well with the epic prestige drama vibes of the story! i’m into it.

The Good Place (TV, 4 seasons finished 2/18/2020): i’m gonna be super honest: i actually wasn’t a big fan of the finale, nor the last season as a whole. it felt like all of Eleanor’s flaws vanished for a majority of the season, and the Chidi-centric episode where they tried to give a legible justification for why he’s Like This was...i didn’t care for it. still, it’s so good and unique on the WHOLE that we’ll literally never get anything like this ever again, and that counts for a lot.

The Old Republic (game, finished 2/21/2020): it’s an MMO so it will never actually Be Finished so long as the servers aren’t shut down, but i caught up on the content i’d missed in the intervening months. Onslaught thus far has mostly been...kinda bland tbh; going back to Imps vs. Rebs after all the shakeups in the previous expansions feels like a waste.

High Road (album, finished 2/22/2020): someone should tell Kesha not to say that word!! otherwise i was very happy with this album, and happy FOR her even though we don’t know each other. being able to find joy again in the same genre of music you made while you were being horrifically exploited is very cool.

Young Justice (TV, 13 episodes finished 2/28/2020): given how much the middle stuff dragged--STOP KILLING YOUR HIJABI CHARACTER IN HORRIFIC WAYS--i was...actually kinda mad by how the end managed to stick the landing anyway. the day being saved by Vic’s self-acceptance and Violet’s sublime compassion was A+, and even the Brion/Tara switchup was a pleasant surprise, though it relied on me caring about Brion MUCH MORE than i actually did.

Manic (album, finished 2/29/2020): do people still care for/about Halsey? i feel like even That One Song that was on every tumblr gifset ever has kinda faded into obscurity at this point. this album was...okay. i feel like people give Halsey a pass for extremely obvious lyrical turns that they wouldn’t for other folks because of her subject material--which is fine. not really my cup of tea, but i also listened to lots of Relient K this year, so that’s probably a good thing.

Jade Empire (game, 3/10/2020): the only 3D-era Bioware game that didn’t franchise out, and for good fucking reason!!! the Orientalism and appropriation really haven’t aged well, and even beyond that the story was...standard Bioware faire. even my usual “my wife’s a bitch i love her” Bioware type didn’t do it for me, and i just ended up romancing no one. it did make me think a lot about what level of cultural borrowing is accepted nowadays, and why: people still look fondly at Avatar and talk about how ~accurate and respectful it was, for example, despite it being staffed almost entirely by white folks, and the Orientalism ALL OVER the monk class in DND is still fine for some reason.

Alif the Unseen (book, finished 3/31/2020): interesting to have read this AFTER reading The Bird King last year, because it highlights how the intervening years have shifted G. Willow Wilson’s thematic interest and improved her craft. i’m actually quite fond of how her characterization work is rougher here--Alif is extremely flawed to the point of being insufferable, but it makes his development by the end more satisfying. Dina is also just good and i love her

Baldur’s Gate (2 games, finished 5/31/2020): well, having finally finished the series i’m happy to say that it...still doesn’t really do it for me, sorry. any awesome story moments were overshadowed by the EXCRUCIATING inventory management system and the combat (i still don’t know what a THAC0 is and at this point i’m afraid to find out). these games crucially lack the Home Base that later Bioware games were so good about, and that (coupled with the huge cast of characters you can drop off and never see again) really hurts the intimacy for me. by the time we finally did get one it was the Hell Dimension in Throne of Bhaal, and i was just...trying to get through it. (yes, i did just say that about one of the most beloved expansions ever to one of the most beloved games ever.) THIS particular iteration of “my wife’s a bitch i love her” was very good, but the game wouldn’t let me romance her :(

The Underground Railroad (book, finished 6/19/2020): honestly what is there even left to say at this point! it was exactly as good as every critic on the planet said it was, even with my usual aversion to hype. draining and horrifying in turns but still insistent upon a future for Black folks.

Steven Universe (6 seasons and a mooooooviiieeee, finished 7/11/2020): yes, i DID finish the show and almost immediately begin a rewatch. this series is now one of my top five most formative things, and the amount of love and respect i have for it is incalculable. that said: i once again did not love how the central conflict of Future was resolved (just the resolution--i loved the finale just fine). for all of Steven’s breakdown was built up, resolving it with “EVERYONE HUG HIM UNTIL HE CRIES” felt...cheap, especially since up until this point the show had been so good about treating trauma and mental illness with the respect and nuance it deserves. it made me wish some of the earlier, less substantial episodes had been cut so we could spend more time at the end.

What It Is (comic, finished 8/19/2020): y’all i love Lynda Barry SO MUCH. for the longest time i was worried that One Hundred Demons was more a lightning in a bottle situation but every book of hers i pick up makes me feel obscure emotions i didn’t even realize existed. the compassionate way she’s able to describe her child self and how weird and fucked up she was (and still is) is honestly aspirational.

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (TV, 5 seasons finished 9/26/2020): so here’s a reversal of what i’ve been complaining about with other shows: i was mostly lukewarm-to-warm about She-Ra, but the later seasons and the finale made me much more into it as a whole. more shows should improve in stakes and overall quality as they age tbh!! i still don’t actively love Catradora (my sole quibble with season 5 actually has to do with the way Adora kept backsliding as a character to make certain Plot/Relationship things happen), but i’m very happy for them nonetheless. i can certainly appreciate a show that will go for High Feeling over tight plot. dark horse standout moments: trees growing everywhere proving that Perfuma Was Right, and Hordak and Adora seeing each other--that weirdly intimate moment of recognition.

Fetch the Bolt Cutters (album, finished 10/7/2020): again i find myself not having much to say that no one else has said. it’s good! once again love it when an artist reclaims something they’d attached with negative affect (anxiety, depression, disordered eating) for better and brighter things.

Solutions and Other Problems (comic, finished 10/25/2020): i was very into Allie Brosh’s ambition with this book, which feels weird to say but i stand by it. it’s cool to see an artist try to make a new medium work for them instead of just sticking to what already works. not all the experimentation was 100% effective, but it was still delightful and occasionally devastating to read, so.

Legend of Zelda (3 games: Ocarina of Time, Majora’s Mask, Link Between Worlds, finished 11/1/2020): this was the third time i’d played Ocarina of Time, which made it the nice, comforting groove i settled into before Majora’s Mask blatted me in the face. i’m not usually a completionist Zelda person because...the gameplay in Zelda is bad, do not at me it just is, but i really felt like i HAD to be one for Majora’s Mask since the whole point is to get attached to the banalities of the town. i’m sure nobody’s surprised that i loved it, even if it gave me an existential crisis about how life goes on in the game for NPCs when you’re not there to save them from it, and there’s not enough time to save them all all the time (also not a surprise to anyone: Romani and Cremia gave Personal Feelings). Link Between Worlds...bad. not like in a “this is a bad story by every measurable gauge” way, but i was already struggling with the 2D playstyle shift enough that for the whole story to end with some “yes it’s v sad that Lorule is Like This but trying to steal Hyrule’s privilege is Even Worse Actually” noblesse oblige bullshit left a VERY poor taste in my mouth, this year of all years. i did audibly gasp when Ravio took off his mask, though. i’m currently playing Breath of the Wild in cautious increments; it’s the first time i’ve enjoyed early Zelda gameplay, but if they wanted fully voiced cutscenes i wish they got voice actors who...knew what words sound like.

folklore (album, finished 11/6/2020): my belief that Taylor Swift is Just Fine continues, i’m afraid. i LIKED this album, don’t get me wrong, and respect her constant drive to innovate, but i didn’t love it substantially more or less than any other Taylor Swift album. mostly i’m just tickled by how she thinks leaning into the indie aesthetic means borrowing Vita Sackville-West’s entire wardrobe, though i will admit to feeling Something when she swore in a song. i think it was like. savage vindication?? you go ahead and swear, Taylor Swift. you deserve it.

Shore (album, finished 11/19/2020): do people still care about the Fleet Foxes? i think there was some Drama with Josh Tillman a while back but i don’t remember where the discourse landed with who was being more problematic. it was nostalgic for me to listen to their new album--made me remember being an undergrad who exclusively listened to men who mumbled and played acoustic guitar all over again.

Star Wars (3 movies: original trilogy, finished 11/27/2020): there is So Much bad Star Wars these days that every time i rewatch the original trilogy i’m afraid that they will suddenly be bad, but guess what! they’re not. i love these children and their hot mess stories, i love that Lando doesn’t know how to say his best friend’s name. what stood out to me this time was the way Obi-Wan described the Force in A New Hope, which strongly implied that ANYONE can be Force Sensitive; that obviously faded with each subsequent movie, but part of me does wish they’d kept it.

X of Swords (comics, 22 issues finished 12/5/2020): i am enjoying Hickman’s X-lines!!! not so much here for the Grand Conspiracy or whatever, but the character work and highkey weirdness is fabulous--they FEEL like X-Men, despite all the shakeups in-universe. this crossover is a nice microcosm of all that: grandiloquently all over the place, but still full of cool standout moments and genuine hilarity. ILLYANA DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO SPELL MAGIC.

Fire Emblem (4 games: Sacred Stones, Path of Radiance, Radiant Dawn, Awakening, finished 12/14/2020): this was the thing that i was closest to giving up early on, but i ended up hyperfixating on it instead. that’s a credit to what the gameplay does to my lizard brain more than anything else, because the story and character writing is...insipid. it was very bizarre to witness this franchise blunder around with its animal-people racism allegory around the same time i was getting back into RWBY, and ITS animal-people racism allegory blunders. Awakening was the first time i felt anything for the franchise beyond “teehee red units disappear make exp bar go up and brain go ding,” so i’m excited for more mature storytelling in subsequent games (they MUST get better. they MUST). the child husbandry thing is...very bad tho, and Apotheosis being “challenging” entirely through the game changing all the rules is also bad.

once again no vidya games that came out this year--i’ll probably pick up Spiritfarer or Hades after the New Year, though (or maybe TLOU II! but probably not. sry Laura and Ashley). more TV and franchises this year, which made me feel In Touch with the Children but was also kinda exhausting. nothing was so egregiously terrible i dropped it without finishing! in a year like this that feels almost like an accomplishment

#conspicuous media consumption

[deancaskiss]

Positive 20 Questions Tag Game

1.) Name 4 fictional characters who showcase your personality the best, with explanations if you want.

- Tinkerbell (Peter Pan): I very much relate to her, because I also am possessive over the people I love and also need attention all the time or I die hahah. But also she’s sassy and spunky and goes after what she wants, and I love that. She’s persistent and determined and willing to take out anything in her path. And I think all of those things sum up me pretty damn well.

- Dean Winchester (Supernatural): not only have I seen the connection, but my sister and several friends have also told me how similar I am to Dean. The way I bottle things up and avoid dealing with my emotions. How I would die for the people I love because I care for them that strongly that I couldn’t bear to live in a world without them. I’m sarcastic and witty and sassy just like Dean is. Just like Dean, I put up a tough guy front and act like things don’t both me, but really I’m an emotional teddy bear who doesn’t know how to deal with all the things I feel. I also tell ridiculous and stupid jokes and puns and normal get eyerolls from my sister for it, but it’s totally worth it.

- Tony Stark (MCU): I could go on and on about how similar I am to Tony. From wearing my heart on my sleeve to trying to make the right decisions and screwing things up in the process. Just like Tony, I’m sarcastic and smart. But also like Tony, I have a ton of mental baggage. I struggle and suffer with anxiety and panic attacks, too. Just like Tony, there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for the people I love. And I hope, like Tony, I learn from my mistakes and try every day to be better and work harder. A lot of my mannerism is just like Tony, the way he uses sarcasm and wit and banter as a front to cover how vulnerable he is. I do the exact same thing. I’m no where near as smart as Tony is, but I’d like to think in difficult situations I let my brain switch into puzzle solving mode just like he does.

- Riley Poole (National Treasure): Riley is my smol bean. I swear he is me in male movie persona. Nerdy and sometimes a little slow on the uptake, but wicked smart in areas most people aren’t. Dedicated and loyal to my friends/family no matter what else is going on. Not always the main hero, but the relatable one everyone loves. Able to do things people don’t expect of me, and to do the things people do expect of me on top of that. Always in the background, working my ass of, just like Riley is. And always seeking the approval of my loved ones, just like Riley. Brave and smart and full of quippy one liners and great comebacks.

2.) Aesthetic?

-  pastel colors, flowers, hippie vibes, glitter and sparkles, sunsets

3.) Favorite musical/play? (If you’ve never seen a musical or play, one you’d be interested in seeing?

- The only musical I’ve ever seen is The Very Potter Musical (oops). I’m not really a musical or play kind of person. I much prefer movies and TV shows. But hey, I can still sing a ton of the songs from AVPM and said references to it so many times even my parents know them.

4.) What is the best compliment you’ve ever received?

- either “for some reason you remind me of Marilyn Monroe highkey” or it was this client I was working with as a vet tech assistant and she said to me “you are the best technician I have ever had work with my dog. You are going to be a wonderful and compassionate doctor and I’d love to be your client in the future” and y’all like she literally complimented me so much she even told my boss how much she adored me and my work ethic and I literally went into the back of the clinic and cried after she left because I’ve never felt so strongly that I’m meant to be in the veterinary field.

5.) How many times have you been in love?

- twice. Once was with the girl I had my first kiss with (actually there was many many kisses with her). She was my first love. I mean I really fell for her. She was a lot of firsts for me. And my first boyfriend. He led me on though and played me even though I fell for him and he knew that. So that sucked. 

6.) Embarrassing story or fact about yourself that makes you laugh now?

- When I was 9, I was running in the playground at school and tripped over this tree stump that was like kept there by the school for some reason (I can’t remember). But I tripped ad badly tore up my left hip. I mean like blood everywhere, massively bandages, the whole 9 yards. It healed over and there’s no scar now, but it was super embarrassing to trip over it in front of my entire class and to really badly hurt myself, and this was all like a month after I had just moved to the town and just started school. Way to make a fool out of myself from the very beginning.

7.) Favorite Disney/Pixar movie?

- Peter Pan. See my above answer about why I love Tinkerbell. Peter Pan is also my favorite because I love the idea of being able to escape some place and be young forever and forever free and happy. The idea of being able to just enjoy the simple things in life without the weight of the world on your shoulders.

8.) Favorite flower or plant?

-  Plumerias. They are just absolutely beautiful and they smell amazing and their colors are vibrant and beautiful and I just love them.

9.) What’s your favorite holiday?

- Christmas, without a doubt. My mum adores Christmas and she instilled that same love in me. The music, the lights, the decorations, the cheer, the happiness, the gift giving. All of it. It’s just such a happy time in my household and it’s what I look forward to all year because it’s just warmth and happiness radiating in my family.

10.) Name three things that made you laugh or smile this past week.

- @deanscastiel79 sending me messages every day to check on me and to see if I’m okay. Nothing makes me happier than someone noticing if I’m being quiet or if I’m MIA and checking on me and sending me things to make me smile.

- Just seeing the amount of likes and reblogs my destiel fics are getting. And the amount of followers I’ve gained since I started posting destiel fics. I’ve literally gained more than 25 followers in a couple weeks. It blows my mind. And seeing like the notes continue to climb on my fics and then having someone reach out to comment and personally message me to tell me how much they liked one of the fics I wrote. It makes me smile so much my cheeks hurt.

- My puppy, Rocket. He’s the biggest goofball in the world. But he’s so damn affectionate it’s unreal. The amount of love and cuddles and kisses he gives me almost hourly every single day literally fills my heart to bursting. On my worst days, he’s the only thing that can make me smile. He makes me feel loved.

11.) What song would you play to introduce yourself to someone?

- Rare by Selena Gomez. Because you know what? I am rare. I’m special and unique and proud of who I am. And maybe not everyone can see that, but that’s fine, because I can and will find people who do see that and who cherish me and treat me right. “I don’t have it all, I’m not claiming to, but I know that I’m special.” My favorite lyrics of the song. Because I know I don’t have it all, but I do have so much to offer the world, and I’m ready to share that with the right people.

12.) Name something that truly makes you feel peaceful even at your most stressed moments.

- I’m a Maladaptive Daydreamer. When I’m most stressed, I’ll let myself go into one of those daydreams until I feel calm again. I let those characters ground me. Either that, or spending some time with Rocket (my puppy mentioned earlier). Because there’s nothing that makes me feel better than puppy cuddles.

13.) What do you, did you, or would you study at college?

- For my undergraduate, I studied and got degrees in Biology and English (Concentration in Creative Writing) with a minor in Chemistry. I’m currently in grad/med school studying Veterinary Medicine and earning my DVM (Doctor of Veterinary Medicine).

14.) This is kind of a weird one, but which outfit of yours makes you feel most like yourself?

- It would either be high waisted shorts and a crop top/tank top/hippie shirt or a summer dress.

15.) What is a quote you live by?

- “Grateful for where I’m at. Excited about where I’m going” and “It always seems impossible until it’s done.”

16.) Name the funniest playlist name you have.

- My playlists don’t have weird names. I just have playlists for different artists. I have a playlist called “Soft Songs” for when I’m stressed or need music to sleep to. I had started a playlist called “Down and Dirty” for when I was writing smut fics and needed some inspiration, but the app on my phone wiped it and I was too lazy to remake it again. Maybe I will when I have some more time on my hands so I can have some inspiration to write some destiel smut fics.

17.) Make a reference to an inside joke you have with someone you love with zero context.

- “Why are you looking at me like that?” “Because you’re Skipper Sophie.”

18.) What is a message you would give your younger self if given the chance?

- Don’t let anyone tell you who you can and can’t be. There is always light at the end of the tunnel, and there is always people who will love and support you. And if your gut tells you something isn’t right, trust it.

19.) Who is your favorite family member? (If you have no good blood family members, feel free to mention someone in your found family)

- My sister. She’s the one person I can go and talk to about anything and everything. We can talk for hours. She always has my back. She boosts me up when I need it. She’s my inspiration and my support system. I don’t think I could live without her by my side. She’s my rock and I love her with everything in my heart and more.

20.) What’s a secret dream of yours?

- To publish a book. I know I’ve gone down the medical path as a career, but someday I would love to write my own novel and have it published.  

tagging: @deanscastiel79 @singingninja4 @themarvelavenger @seekinsideanimus @fadinglight123 @nonthebinary @pizzamanhedelivers @proudace @beatmetothesnitch @s-l-u-m-p-i-e @vcastiel

#random #me #about me #my life #positive 20 questions #20 questions #tag #tag game #tagged #things about me #facts about me #facts #describe yourself #questions about me #long answers #long questions #more than you probably ever wanted to know

[utterlyhopeful-fics]

Broken Edges- Part 6

I’M BACKK 😘🥳

The wait is over and Part 7 will be posted tomorrow afternoon! (I can GUARANTEE a fight..or two.) Feedback is always appreciated. As always, I hope y’all enjoy the next chapter. Let me know if you’d like to added to the tag list! 

Steve Rogers x Reader/Bruce Banner x Reader/Frank Castle x Reader

Word Count: 3.1k 

Warnings: language, general angsty angst, fluffy Bruce 

Catch up HERE

********************************************

        (The Next Morning)

Stirring from an inherent sleep, Y/N sensed a firm hardness pressed against her right cheek. She continued to further nuzzle herself deeper into its solemn comfort, calmness overtaking her sanity. Time seemed to transpire differently when locked in a technological jail cell. Her left leg was partially thrown over Frank’s as they lay entangled in one another as if they were any ordinary couple waking up on a late Saturday morning. 

Her lids remained darkened as a small moan escaped her lips accompanied by a tender stretch of her achy bones. Frank instinctively pulled her closer reluctant to let go. He couldn’t help but think he would definitely die a happy man if he got to hear that cute noise every damn day. His hand lightly gripped her chin tilting it upwards as they found each other. Fleeting, momentary peace.

Their noses on the cusp of brushing, their slightly chapped lips just mere inches away, Frank’s breath tickled a trail along her skin.  It was a transcendent moment for the pair as they internally debated on who would dare make the first move. Y/N’s gaze traveled towards his lips as she unknowingly licked hers wandering what he tasted like. Would it be a searing kiss made out of desperation or a slow lustful kiss to savor? Whichever one it was, Y/N couldn’t deny she craved his touch.

He cupped her jaw moving closer to his targeted destination. It was then she felt a fire spread in her belly causing her heart to ramp up speed. After seconds of contemplation, Frank leaned the rest of the way in delivering an earth-shattering kiss upon Y/N’s forgiving lips. Her hands perched at the base of his neck slightly tugging at the thick black hair that had grown out over the past couple months. He moaned in response deepening their kiss as Frank situated himself on top of Y/N, pushing his hips against hers, creating a delightful electricity between them. Now this is something Y/N could get used to.

Y/N wanted more, desired to be closer to Frank. Frank made her feel alive, like she wasn’t the broken woman Steve forced her to be. He pushed her to be her own true character, igniting the spirit Steve only wanted to extinguish. It felt brilliantly powerful to be noticed and appreciated, and Y/N was addicted. Without thinking, Y/N wrapped her legs around Frank’s hips pulling him in like a second layer of skin. God, this man drove her wild. But somewhere deeply enrooted in Y/N was cause for concern. 

She pushed the lingering thought as far away as humanly possible not wanting to think about him during her time with Frank. There was only one other man in their universe that made her feel complete, acknowledged, and understood; Bruce Banner. But she never got the courage to tell him instead burying her feelings in a secluded spot locked securely away. 

But that was a story for another day. She wasn’t sure what the future held for her at this point. What she did know was that she needed to make the best of what she was given; Frank. So, Y/N squeezed her eyes tighter hoping to shake any thought of Bruce away, unwilling to let it encroach on this exact moment, but that was always easier said than done.

Y/N pulled away from his kiss finding Frank’s predatory glance. The military forced him to be a man of control but around her he found it next to impossible to resist the brazen woman he’d grown to care for. With their husky pants intermingled; Frank risked to speak first.

“Tell me to stop and I will. But—you have to do it. I can’t think clearly with you sometimes.”

Before her mind even had a chance to form a coherent thought, her lips were responding; “Don’t, I want this. I want you, Castle.”

“Thank fucking God.”

She pulled him down again reigniting their enthusiasm, unable to wipe the smile that appeared during their kiss. But reality creepily slipped back into her conscious just as an alarm blared through the tiny space; its echo uncomfortably surrounded them thickening the available air. Frank shot up first putting a protective arm over Y/N as her fingers gripped his forearm in return. This was new.

A sudden buzz notified them that the door had been unlocked as an unseen figure stalked closer inwards. Y/N heard the peculiar tone before actually seeing him. His heavy German accent mingled with his well-spoken English. Who was this guy?

“So happy to finally meet your acquaintance Ms. Y/N. I’ve heard wonderful things about you. My father spoke very highly of you. My sincerest greetings.”

Another maniac with an accent. Awesome.

Frank’s eyes bounced between Y/N and the dangerous man who just made his grand entrance. A look of apprehension betrayed his brown orbs.

“Uh, hate to break up the compulsive obsession but who the hell are ya?”

“My name is Helmut Zemo. My father, Baron was the sole creator of everything that we now stand for. Don’t you think he’d quite proud, hmm?”

Zemo actually had the audacity to bow as if she were royalty. She was certainly no queen especially to such an anarchist bunch of crazies, but she had no other choice than to intently listen to the stranger in front of them. After all, they were Hydra’s current lab rats searching for an impossible end to their demented game.

“God, you really are a cocky son of a bitch.”

A shrewd smirk slithered across his lips; “Tsk tsk, Mr. Castle. They weren’t wrong about your…spirit?”

Frank and Y/N hazardously got off the bed, Frank keeping a towering determined stance. How did she never notice how tall Frank was until now?  With Frank looming over her, she moved to his side mimicking his posture before speaking.

“What the fuck do you want with us, Zemo? Do enlighten us.”

He snickered unable to contain the laughter tickling his throat; “Oh my my, you really are a feisty girl. We have great plans for you…. for the both of you. I would like your compliance but it is by no means required. Vrstehst du?” (Do you understand?)

“ты мудак.” (You’re an asshole.)

Frank whipped his head in Y/N’s direction; “Wait, you speak…Russian?”

“I’ll fill you in later Castle.” She squeezed his hand hoping to relay any sort of comfort.

Zemo’s shrewd voice reverberated; “That’s not all she does Mr. Punisher. That’s barely the tip of said iceberg for our beautiful girl. You are in for a treat my friend.”

Frank’s New York accent shined through in his times of nervousness bringing him back to the brave boy roaming the crooked streets; “Let’s get one thing straight out of the gate. We are NOT amigos so don’t play coy with me dipshit. That ain’t no plan of ours. What the hell is your endgame?”

Zemo loved baiting people especially those within his control; with no route of escapement. He thrived off the fear accumulating under the surface of their skin, the tremble of their tone, but his favorite, oh his favorite was when he forced the light to leave their eyes all hope being abandoned. This will be fun he thought.

“You two seem to be getting along swimmingly. I’ve been reviewing your records and we seem to have contrived the perfect genetic match. A phenomenal super goddess and ex-Marine forced vigilante. The perfect sob story if you ask me.”

Frank surveyed his odds of bulldozing his way out of this hellhole but upon counting the bodies surrounding him immediately recognized he was outnumbered. He needed Y/N in a place where they could utilize her powers, but that didn’t seem very plausible.

“Genetic match? What the fuck are you talking about, Zemo?”

“You’ll realize soon enough All in good time.” Guiding his eagle eye towards the hidden camera, Zemo simply smiled. He started his trek towards the door leaving his patients bewildered behind him with his hands clasped behind his back, his spine straight, and shoulders pointed. Authority my ass.

“Initiate Phase 1.”

Once again, the door bolted shut locking Y/N and Frank back into their designated room without any sign of answer coming their way. With the glass barrier back between them panic caressed through the stagnant air. Reeling from the minimal information given to them, Y/N was stunned into temporary silence. Frank’s attention was on the woman in front of him; “Fuck, Y/N. Where the fucking hell are your Avenger friends?”

         (Avengers Tower)

If someone were to ask Bruce Banner his favorite spot on planet Earth, he would gladly pick his lab until the end of time. Beakers and test tubes couldn’t talk back. For once in his forsaken days, he got to be in control, fully in charge if only for the briefest of moments. Procedures and mechanisms released him of his anxiety, overall calming his heart rate from escalating to the point of disaster. 

The newspapers got it all wrong about his pent-up aggression towards mankind. They forgot he was human himself. Though some found it easier to treat him as a science experiment, others decided on kindness and friendship. Y/N was one the fortunate few that didn’t manage to piss him off. Given her cruel upbringing, Tony prepared the team for the worst possible outcome, a deranged mutant finally freed from her own hell.

He remembered the way her blonde hair caught the sunshine on a perfect spring day when he watched her lost within her latest read, her clear aqua blue eyes meeting his as an equal, and how he felt electricity run threw his joints the first time his skin briskly touched hers. Nothing but a greeting yet somehow, he knew she was going to be phenomenal. Y/N adjusted to the high-tech superhero gig faster than he expected learning compassion and self-care since becoming her own woman. She never bothered with romance, or her appearance….at least that’s what he convinced himself of. It began with long nights chatting until dawn, two friends passing time with more than enjoyable conversation.

The Stark library was her clandestine fascination, Y/N worshiped divulging into a book lost in articulate words seemingly drawing her further from her own twisted reality. It was effortless to be around her and Bruce was addicted to her quiet and comforting nature. Not many people brought ease upon him. The couch was their second escape as it became routine to sneak away, propping her feet atop his thighs, stopping her glasses from slipping down the bridge of her slender nose as he pretended to not get distracted by her graceful actions. 

Y/N had this habit of biting just the edge of her lip when a story truly piqued her interest, her limbs tightening with anticipation as she unknowingly squeezed his triceps unable to tear herself away from the worn pages.

Countless nights were spent hidden away from the troubles of their world. Some sleepless and others occupied by gentle naps. One in particular stuck out more than others…

          (Flashback)

13 days. 13 agonizing days since he last saw Y/N, hugged her, and simply conversed with someone similar to his own IQ. Nick Fury had selected Cap and Y/N for an undercover mission in Russia. Incognito as a loving husband and wife on their honeymoon while trying to confiscate (insert cool piece of tech). In the past couple of weeks, Banner felt her pulling away, getting a little more out of reach every time, and he loathed it. Little moments at first; less time in the library, nightly talks dwindling, but the worst part was the body language Y/N aimed at Steve. 

Sly smiles here and there, a touch of the palm when no one was supposed to be looking, and Roger’s stupidly irritating smile that made Y/N blush every time he looked her way. Bruce was an idiot, it was just easier to remain oblivious, unaware of the changing atmosphere at the Tower.

Steve and Y/N had just landed the quinjet as Friday notified Stark and Banner of their successful arrival. They were all giggles and soft whispers upon approaching the dock like they had a secret only they knew about. Bruce side-eyed the lovebirds through the glass not wanting to show his true colors or annoyance. It was then that Steve drew Y/N into his chest pressing a passionate kiss upon her lips before looking around, noticing the room bare of any witnesses, or so they thought. 

He saw the foolish smile and glimmering light shine from Y/N’s ocean eyes before huffing and heading towards his hideout. Bruce knew she wasn’t coming tonight. It seems Y/N would have other nightly plans he’d rather not think of or else the Hulk was sure to make a scene. 

So, he numbly headed towards the elevator before clicking the 5th floor button clueless to the doors slamming shut. Bruce instinctively opened the library door and settled into a chair across from the couch. He wouldn’t dare sit there. It held far too many memories of what-ifs, almosts, and could’ve beens. If only he had the balls to tell her how he truly felt. Oh well.

It was half past twelve when Bruce was deterred by the low chime of the door informing him someone else had entered the room. Odd, he supposed. He thought he would get his sanctuary for another blissful night. As he gawked at the unknown presence, he immediately noticed who the intruder was; Y/N. His book snapped shut forgetting about marking his page as his feet found footing on the plush carpet. She hadn’t seen him yet. The door shut behind Y/N as her back rested against the wood frame before quietly sighing. 

Her appearance was disheveled, her blonde tendrils thrown into a sloppy bun as she wore an over-sized t-shirt that certainly didn’t belong to her. Steve’s. Her lips plump as if she had just left her lover’s bed in hopes of seeking him out, or so he wished. He stayed seated not wanting to draw additional attention to his strange behavior.

“Y/N- you’re…back.”

“Bruce, just the guy I was looking for.” She coyly smiled genuinely happy to see him.

“Ohhh, is that so? I figured you’d have other things to catch up on. It’s good to see you Y/N, really.”

Y/N walked over to their sofa before propping her elbows along the edge, resting her jaw in her palm. Her memories didn’t serve him justice. He was kind, handsome, and beyond attentive to her intellectual needs.

“I missed you. Steve isn’t big on reading…or talking much for that matter. It’s nice to see a simulating face.”

“Psh, I’m sure you managed just fine without me. You always do.” He tried to hide the disappointment seeping into his voice. The last thing he wanted to do was scare her away. Above all, Bruce reminded himself that he was her friend first regardless of his growing feelings.

“You made it back in one piece. I assume the mission went well?”

She chuckled, her fingers fidgeting in her lap unable to sit still; something was bothering her.

“Indeed. Steve is uh, quite the charmer. Almost too believable if I do say so myself.”

Bruce stood up suddenly catching Y/N off guard as he made his way back to the shelf to return his latest adventure. Out of his peripheral vision, Y/N began moving his direction closing the gap between them. With his back faced away from Y/N, he felt a small hand reach for his shoulder in a soothing manner. Y/N stood behind him as the silence lingered on. Before he could grasp what was happening, her arms encircled his waist as Y/N hid her face between his shoulder blades. Her touch brought calmness to his anxious mind; his muscles instantly relaxing as his own hand guided on top of her resting on his stomach.

She mumbled a modest “Hi.” before burrowing back into him. Bruce couldn’t conceal the blush that crept into his cheeks. He was merely glad she wasn’t able to see his reaction. No other words needed to be spoken, it was pure and simple. He steered her hands upwards as he kissed the indention by her thumb, directing her hands over his chest finally resting upon his beating heart. It was unspoken, mutual admiration both parties thrived off of. Y/N and Bruce just didn’t quite fully understand the significance of their unexpressed connection.

But that was the past, now he had the atrocious opportunity of living in the present with no Y/N in sight.

        (Present Day-Avengers Tower)

“Meeting dismissed. We are staying on alert until Y/N is found and brought back safely. I suggest you all be ready to go. Rogers and Banner, stay behind.”

Fury’s tone mixed with Tony’s eyes shooting daggers initiated an uncontrollable eye roll from the Hulk. This outta be good. As everyone else made their way towards the door, Steve huffed unsure of what was about to go down knowing it wasn’t good news.

Natasha was the last of the bunch remaining. Her hand grasped the knob in hopes of hightailing it out of the stuffy office before hearing Tony’s callous voice; “Ah ah, Romanoff. You seriously didn’t think you’d get off that easy, now did you?”

“I don’t see how this has any ties to me. I don’t know what—”

“What I’m talking about? Of course, you do my dear, you’re not that dull. Or did sleeping with Cap disable your inability to decipher between respectful decency?”

Nausea caught in Steve’s throat as his eyes met Natasha’s. Fuck.  Bruce lounged in his chair with a satisfied smirk; Steve had the sudden urge to punch him but withheld…at least temporarily.

Tony and Fury resembled two very pissed off individuals; each leader trying to top the other. Silence encapsulated the room, everyone stared at one another unsure of how to proceed with the events in place. So, Director Fury stepped up first; “Can anyone tell what the hell is going on with the lot of you? Wait a minute, don’t answer that. I already know some of you have already lost your damn minds.”

“Language.”

“Language my ass, Rogers. Since you so kindly volunteered to share first, please do so.”

His breath staggered, his jugular beginning to pound under his skin, sweat beaded across his dewy forehead. Sink or swim time.

--------

Tags:  @kaithezaftig @awesomefanficlover@marvelfansworld@sergeantjbuckybarnes @hista-girl @calwitch @silent-loucidity@flightofthefantasies @lovely-geek @shannon124 @hulksmashin-bannerpackin@siren-queen03 @heyiamthatbitch  @girls-inred @kielemarie @donner5822 @sophiria @iluvsumbucky@xstevenat @artemis-lana @bla-369 @itsallyscorner @jay-the-mothafuckin-gay @artemis-lana 

#steve rogers x reader #steve x reader #my writing #broken edges #avengers #avengers x reader #bruce banner x reader #frank castle x reader #mcu #avengers imagine #marvel #marvel imagine #fanfic #fanfiction #steve rogers x reader angst #bruce x reader #frank x reader #punisher #steve rogers imagine #mcu cast

[radioactivespidey]

So… what is the Ace Tower AU?

So. The beginning to this AU is that Tony doesn’t actually die, the Infinity Gauntlet just takes a lot out of him.

Steve and Bucky get together, there’ll be more on both of these alternate endings in the next section.

And then the Avengers all kind of go their separate ways, and it’s truthfully a rather sad goodbye because they had bonded so much and they truly are a family.

So they’re apart for a couple months.

Until Tony finally, finally is able to go out in the world again. And he realizes he misses his family. Not Morgan and Pepper, but his family of a bunch of idiots who have laughed together, cried together, and fought together.

So. He buys a building.

He calls it Ace Tower and spends the next couple weeks designing it carefully and lovingly, and then he calls up the Avengers. And he asks them to move in with him.

He even chokes up a bit when he tells them how much he misses them, and then they’re all kind of sniffling and laughing into the phone with teary eyes and Scott is the first one to speak: “I think I speak for all of us when I say hell yeah.”

The next couple weeks are busy and insane, with the Avengers gradually moving in, showing up with boxes of stuff and their family behind them (Tony made it very, very clear that family was more than welcome) and huge smiles on their faces and each of them hugs Tony tight when they see him. And in three weeks they’re all there and they get a tour of the absolutely huge building with Pepper guiding them and you can hear kids laughing and wine glasses clinking and the soft murmur of significant others conversing and Tony just grins to himself and thinks- yeah. This is home.

Below is an image of what I like to think Ace Tower looks like- maybe a little fancier and shinier and it’s in the middle of nowhere, not surrounded by other buildings.

How do Endgame and Far From Home fit into this?

Literally everything in the MCU storyline up until Tony’s snap is the same. (Actually, that’s not true. I love Loki with my whole heart so let’s just say he’s still alive and it turns out he faked his death the whole time or something. This might not even be a headcanon, I have literally no idea if he’s still alive or not but his series makes it seem as if he is?? Who knows.) This whole AU starts with Tony not dying (yay!!). He does the snap and it takes a lot out of him and he goes unconscious, and everyone seriously thinks he’s going to die, but they manage to get him to a doctor in time and his severe wounds are treated.

So he is basically shoved into bedrest for weeks, and he heals and decides to retire from being Iron Man- he just wants to spend time with his family and friends.

Steve returns all the stones but comes back and as soon as he steps out of the portal he kisses Bucky, and the latter is shocked because he totally thought that Steve would spend the rest of his life with Peggy. But they both confess their love to each other literally right in front of everyone and it’s mushy and happy and they’d be lying if they said they didn’t cry.

That’s basically it for Endgame. FFH is about the same, but Tony isn’t dead, he just is not Iron Man anymore. This keeps the whole thing in FFH about who the next Iron Man is going to be, with Peter feeling pressured and missing Tony’s advice the whole time. Tony still gives EDITH to Peter (but would it be called EDITH if he’s not dead? ERITH? Even Retired I’m The Hero?) and Peter still makes the dumb mistake of giving the glasses to Mysterio, but it’s alright because it’s all resolved in the end. Basically right after FFH, maybe a couple weeks later, Tony asks the gang to move in.

We’re gonna pretend the mid-credit scene of FFH didn’t happen because… that is a major anxiety stressor. Or if it did happen, everything got fixed in a matter of hours. I’ve heard that this happens in the comics and Dr. Strange swoops in and somehow everything gets resolved and Peter’s identity is intact- I have no idea how true this is, but let’s say that it did happen for the sake of my sanity. I just. I worry over Peter, okay? He’s been through enough.

What headcanons and ships are in this AU?

The main ships are Peter/MJ and Steve/Bucky. There’s a little bit of Thor/Bruce (because it’s an absolutely underrated ship) but it’s not central at all. There is also Tony/Pepper, but that doesn’t count because it’s already canon. To be honest, none of these ships are that important to the AU, if you take them out it would still be about exactly the same, I just really like those ships.

The headcanons aren’t that many, it’s mostly just me desperately trying to make up for the queerbaiting/lack of LGBT+ rep in the MCU lmao. I am a fierce lover of trans + bi Peter, so that is included in the story, as well as Steve being bi, Bucky being gay or bi, Nat being lesbian (why do I love that so much?), etc. Just like the ships, they aren’t central or that important to the AU, I just enjoy envisioning the characters that way. I’m just really really really hoping Marvel gives Valkyrie a girlfriend, at least.

I also headcanon Bucky, Steve, and Peter to have PTSD and/or anxiety, as well as Tony of course. I just really need my mental health rep, y’all. Peter has been through so much, you cannot tell me he doesn’t have PTSD and anxiety because I’ll sigh extremely deeply. And it might come off this way, so I just want to say that I am not romanticizing mental illnesses, I just cope with them myself and having my favorite characters share some of that burden with me would be really cool. So. Yeah. I like to think that the four of them help each other out when they’re having depressive episodes or panic attacks or such.

But yeah. Those are most of the headcanons and such in this AU. I have quite a few minor ones but I am not going to waste anyone’s time by listing them. And if you want to hop on this “I hate the Endgame ending and since Marvel isn’t fixing it by God I’ll do it myself” bandwagon with me, feel free to come up with your own ships and headcanons. This AU was made to fill in all the gaps and come up with alternate endings for the characters. It’s a place to let your imagination run wild. If you want Natasha to run away and become a world-renowned chef, go for it, you know?

Ace Tower Layout:

It’s on this huge isolated field that has plenty of backyard space for stupid shenanigans, soccer goals and balls shoved up in one corner and ten barbecue grills and a vegetable garden that Bruce takes care of lovingly. There’s even a pool where a lot of crazy things happen.

There are ten floors, and there is a very helpful and speedy elevator to take them places. It is big and strong enough that Bruce doesn’t have to take the stairs, which he is very thankful for.

- Level 1: nothing much, just a sitting area and a scanner so only authorized people can pass through.

- Level 2: the labs, where all the nerds spend time. There’s plenty of high-tech gear and lab equipment to play around with and when Peter can’t sleep and wakes up with panic attacks he and Tony go down there and just tinker with things while Aunt May sits down with a good book and watches them with an incredibly fond smile on her face.

- Level 3: the gym and training room. There’s exercise equipment and also just a huge mat to spar and train. Natasha beats almost everyone who steps on that mat with her. Sometimes they have competitions where they’re allowed to fight dirty and use their powers and that is when it gets really chaotic.

- Level 4: the living room, it’s basically like a home theater and it’s stuffed with couches and pillows and blankets. They have a projector that shows the movie on an entire wall and they have movie nights with all the Avengers every Friday. A huge stack of board games is in one corner and there are five microwaves and hundreds of microwaveable popcorn packets and when someone brings in M&Ms all hell breaks loose.

- Level 5: the kitchen. Everyone has a kitchenette in their little apartment but they like spending time in the kitchen because there’s always someone there. It’s truly gigantic and sometimes they hold actual baking competitions, where they split into teams and have like three hours to make a giant wedding cake and it is insanely chaotic but by the end all of their stomachs hurt from laughing so much. They have dinner together every night, and it’s a time that they all look forward to.

- Level 6 and on are where the Avengers live. Each floor is separated into about 2-3 apartments (depending on how many people live on that floor), each one made especially for the person/family that lives there (Tony really outdid himself).

- Level 6: Apartment #1 is occupied by Scott, Hope, and Cassie (Cassie spends time with Jim and Maggie every two weeks, they are all a very happy family and Cassie loves Hope to death). Apartment #2 is occupied by Clint and his family. The two families actually get along very well.

- Level 7: Apartment #1 is occupied by Rhodey. Apartment #2 is occupied by Doctor Strange.

- Level 8: Apartment #1 is occupied by Steve and Bucky. Apartment #2 is occupied by Sam. Apartment #3 is occupied by Natasha. They absolutely love their floormates (is that even a word) and Sam and Bucky have the best rivalry with each other. They usually end up arm wrestling with Steve and Natasha watching in the background, the former with a look of horror and the latter with a huge smile on her face.

- Level 9: This level is kind of weird. Bruce almost has the entire floor to himself since he is a very big guy, but there is also a guest room section for when Thor and Loki decide to drop by (Loki and the people of Asgard never died OKAY they just relocated). Bruce is always super happy to see Thor and eventually he becomes good friends with Loki once he stops turning himself into a snake.

- Level 10: Apartment #1 is occupied by Tony, Pepper, and Morgan. Apartment #2 is occupied by May and Peter.

What am I going to do with this AU?

Honestly? I have no clue.

To be honest, chances are that this idea is not original at all and there about a hundred other variations of this exact same AU. If there are, I’m sorry, I didn’t know, I just want these characters to be happy.

I highly highly doubt that this AU will get attention anyway. The only reason why I’m making a Tumblr page for this is just to keep all my ideas in one place and to have a site to direct any friends to if they ask about this.

I might write some fics for this (shameless plug: my ao3 user is coffeebiscuits and I have only one MCU related fic up there [it’s Stucky- big surprise, right?] but I am working on others alright?) or maybe write even more headcanons. I might just never touch this AU again and revisit it in 5 years and cringe. We’ll see.

But- whether you are one of my poor friends that I dumped this AU on or some random person that stumbled upon this- if you have any ideas or suggestions for this AU or where to go with it, please please talk to me! Either on here or on insta, where I am @radioactivelatte (I gotta stop with this self promo). Just talk to me about any ideas, or just Marvel, or your day. I don’t know. My dm’s are always open, though.

So that’s it! That’s the basic information for this AU. I have a ton of headcanons and little storylines for this, and I might put them up here just for fun, who knows? Or if I ever write a fic that’s based on this, I’ll put a link for that up here as well.

Stick around for more news if you want. Or don’t. I don’t control you.

-ethan

#marvel #mcu #stucky #marvel au #mcu au #stucky au #marvel fic #mcu fic #stucky fic #petermj #spideychelle #thorbruce #thunderscience #marvel ships #mcu ships #mcu shitpost #endgame fix it #....anyway #this au is my baby #it took me so long to write #please give it love #sobs loudly #and by the way i do not text like this at ALL #i text like a gen z kid i just wanted this to look professional

[seouledbysisi]

Ambitious Dreams

Chapter Nine

Three weeks later

Nova sat in a waiting room. She looked around at the swollen bellies. She had actually coped with the pregnancy, might as well since she couldn’t change it and honestly she was bluffing about the abortion thing. Truth be told she didn’t believe in taking a life whether it was born or not. Her parents weren’t happy with her especially when she told them that she wasn’t giving up on her internship. She was going to ride it out as long as she could and if they couldn’t understand that then so be it! All of the pregnant women had a glow. A glow that she just didn’t have. The fathers even had a glow. She saddened a bit. Her child would never experience that type of happiness. Her child had irresponsible parents who hadn’t even planned on having her. The mother was striving to become a stylist. At least her father would be someone it could look up to. He was making a name for himself and was gaining success. A tear escaped her eye.

Nori looked over at her and squeezed her hand. “It’s going to be okay.” She gave her a small smile.

Nova nodded with a smile. “I know. I’m just second-guessing myself as usual.” She shrugged.

“Nova Chaplin?” A lady in a unicorn scrub called.

Nova took a deep breath and raised her hand. She looked to Nori. “Come with me?”

Nori looked over at the entrance door.

Ash had emerged. He was late but he was there. “I’m sorry I’m late.” He told her immediately.

Nova glared at Nori.

Nori raised her hands up. “I’m sorry I just thought he should be here.”

“I won’t go back there with you, I’m fine sitting here if you’d rather Nori go back. I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone.” Ash reassured.

Nova nodded. “Come on.” She said plainly.

Nori patted Ash’s shoulder. “She’s talking about you.” She smiled.

Ash looked up at her with grateful eyes. “Thank you.” He said and walked to the back with her.

They waited in the patient room. Not having said a word to one another.

The doctor finally came in with the nurse towing in behind her.

She and Nori had decided to go with a OB-GYN’s office in Hongdae because they had a doctor who was also fluent in English.

“First time parents?” The beautiful lady with coal black hair asked as she got her equipment ready.

Nova nodded. “Is it obvious?”

The doctor chuckled. “Very. You both are quiet as a mouse and you look nervous.”

Ash cleared his throat and repositioned in his seat. He had a lot to say and so many questions he wanted to ask but he’d better not push his luck. He was just thankful that she was allowing him this opportunity.

“I’m going to lie you back and we’ll get started. Nothing will hurt. The gel that goes on stomach will be very cold but that’s the gist of the discomfort.” She told her and squeezed the gel onto her belly.

Nova jumped at the contact. She stilled.

“You alright?” The doctor asked.

Nova nodded.

“How about you daddy?” She directed at Ash.

He laughed a bit. “I think I’m good.” He answered as he watched the screen. He could hear the monitor but no distinct sounds.

The doctor grinned. “You see that right there?”

Nova and Ash both nodded.

“Say hello to your baby.” She responded.

Nova felt something overwhelming. A feeling she had never felt before. Suddenly she couldn’t control her emotions and began to cry. “My baby.” She looked over at Ash with so much joy. “Your baby.”

He grabbed her hand and caressed it. “Our baby.” He grinned.

“And that noise is your baby’s heartbeat, you’re measuring at about ten weeks.”

“So when is she due?” Ash asked. He could already see himself going shopping for everything that the baby would need. He was itching to buy some things that same day.

The doctor smiled. “Around May 18.” She cleaned Nova’s stomach off and left out.

Ash clasped his hands together. He couldn’t wipe the smirk off of his face. He was happy. Yes, it was unexpected and the tension was high between him and Nova; but he honestly wouldn’t want to go through parenthood with anyone else. Nova was a great woman and he respected the hell out of her whether she believed that or not. He knew his child was in good hands with or without him and that made me him happy. “How do you feel? Is it okay for me to ask?”

She nodded. “I’ve come to terms with it. My parents are highly disappointed in me though.” She wrapped her arms around herself.

“I can imagine. My mother wasn’t the happiest but she said any help that we needed she was here for us. She just imagined a grandchild later in the future.”

Nova nodded. “Does she know that your child is only half Korean?” She giggled a bit.

“Yeah and she doesn’t care. She’s never cared about race and anything else like that. She just wants the baby to be healthy.” Ash smirked.

“Lucky me. My parents want me to come back to the states immediately.” She revealed.

Anxiety rose in his veins. “And are you?”

“That’s the main reason for their disappointment in me. They don’t think I can handle being a mother without them being around 24/7. I can’t just leave my internship. I’ve worked too hard to get where I am and if I’m ever going to be able to financially support my baby then I need this job. And I-“ she took a deep breath and paused. “I can’t just take the baby away from you either. No matter how I feel about you, our child doesn’t have anything to do with it and she deserves you.”

Ash nodded. “I know you don’t believe a word that comes out of my mouth anymore but I’m not just here for the baby, I’m here for you too.” He stood and helped her off of the examine table.

“Thanks.” She told him and headed back into the waiting room to find Nori.

Nori looked up from her phone. “So how’d it go?” She was excited.

“We’re due in May. The baby is healthy.” Nova told her.

Nori eyed Ash as they walked outside. “And how’s?”

“We’re straight, for the baby of course. We’ll be able to co-parent.” Nova told her plainly.

Ash waved. “I’ll see y’all later.” He got into his vehicle and sat in it for a while. He covered his face. He desperately wanted Nova back, more than ever now. She never was really his but she was closer to him than she is now. All over a dumb bet that was never really in play. He understand her standpoint though, and there was no way of proving his innocence.”

Nori pulled up to the studio. “I should’ve asked but you’re cool being here, right?”

Nova laughed. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Because you haven’t really been chilling with us all lately.”

“I just needed time to deal with. . .life.” They both got out of the vehicle and walked into the building.

The guys were all sitting around listening to Keem lay his verse down.

“That’s bae!” Nori squealed as she nodded her head to the music.

Nova smirked and sat on the couch next to Hash. Elle was sitting on the other side of him. “Y’all are getting closer and closer!” Nova stated with a smile.

Elle blushed. “Just a little.” She squeezed his arm. “So how’s baby Ash?” She asked in sincerity.

Nova rolled her eyes. “Baby Nova, you mean?”

Ash walked into the studio and found a seat in a far corner.

Nova stilled. “The baby is fine though. She will make her grand appearance in May!”

Changmo laughed. “So we’re betting on what the baby will be, right?” He regretted what he had said immediately when Nova’s facial expression turned sour.

“No more bets please!” Ash interrupted and rolled his eyes.

“I’m sorry, Nova. I wasn’t thinking when I said that. I really wasn’t.” Changmo apologized.

Nova put her hand up. “It’s not a big deal. It happened and I’m over it.” She lied. She wasn’t over it. Her feelings were still hurt. Every time she looked at Ash it reminded her. She wondered if everything had been a joke and he was just trying to make things right because there was a baby involved. What other guy would still be apologizing over and over for three weeks.

Marz got into the booth next. His lyrics captured everyone’s attention. You was killing me from the inside out.

Nova knew this relationship was toxic for him and Jangmi. They either needed therapy together or they needed to call it quits because it wasn’t healthy. They both were suffering a great loss and if they weren’t careful it was going to destroy their whole mental capacity.

Jangmi walked in with Lee.

The whole aura went dark. Everyone stayed quiet. The tension was so thick you could cut it.

“Ash, have you no respect for yourself?” Lee questioned.

Ash was knocked out of his trance. “What?!”

“You had such a bright future and you’ve tarnished it with being linked to that bitch for the rest of your life.” She pointed at Nova.

Ash looked up at her. He had enough of her drama and disrespectful actions. “Lee, why the fuck are you here? You’re like cancer that keeps spreading and spreading until it kills everyone. No one wants you here!”

She was startled at his words. “I’m just saying you can do better. What do you think your fans are going to say?”

He stood up towering over her. “Anyone who is a fan of mines will be a fan of my child. And if you say one more negative thing about Nova, we gonna have some problems!” He pushed past her and stormed off.

Nova stood up and followed him. “Ash?!” She ran down the hall trying to find him. He was sitting on one of the couches in an open common area. His leg was shaking. He was angry. “Ash, calm down.” She spoke softly.

He looked up at her. “Nova, I’m not in the mood and I don’t want to take my anger out on you. Just go back!”

She swallowed hard. She took a step back. “I just wanted to say thank you. . .for sticking up for me.” She turned to walk away.

He groaned. “I just wish there was some way we could go back in time, Nova! You have no idea how much I want you right now. How much I need you, right now! You think this is all a game and it’s not. My heart is ripping apart. The heart I worked so hard to put back together and it’s back, but worse! I know you’re hurt and you’re stubborn so you don’t want to hear all of this but I would never let someone down you like that. I just pray one day you’ll realize the truth.” He was angry, partially at Lee but more at Nova herself. Had she not shared all the moments they had with him? How could they all be fake? How could she walk around like nothing had ever happened?

Nova simply stared at him. He wouldn’t even look at her and she understood his frustration but if she hadn’t heard it for herself she would’ve never believed there was ever a bet but she heard them talking about it so how could she not believe it? She simply walked away. As she got closer to the studio suite she could see Marz sitting on the floor. She slid down the wall next to him.

He looked over at her. “To what do I owe this pleasure?”

She smiled. “I think we’re both lost. Maybe sitting here we can help each other be found.” She giggled a bit.

“Why are you so lost?” Marz asked.

Nova sighed. “Well I got a baby on the way by a guy who betted on sleeping with me, so now I’m all alone. And as much as I hate myself for admitting this, especially to you, he’s not even the one I originally liked.”

Marz looked over at her quickly. “Who’d you like?”

Nova rolled her eyes. “Can you believe I had my eyes on you?!” She laughed. “Until you treated me like I was some type of contagious disease, then I was just downright scared of you.”

Marz laughed. “I had to stay away from you.”

“Why?” She eyed him.

“Cause of Jangmi. She’s crazy.” He laughed. “She knew that you were catching my eye too and she used the-“ he coughed and took a deep breath. “The death of our child against me to keep me away from you.”

Nova shook her head. “She had nothing to worry about, I knew she was your girlfriend and I would never overstep boundaries. That’s not my style.”

“That’s the thing, she wasn’t worried about you. She was worried about me leaving her. She knows I’m not happy. Hell, she isn’t either but she’d rather keep me around to beat me up about the baby. It makes her feel better.” Marz closed his eyes.

Nova saddened a bit. They both were catching hell. His version was much worse though and she wished he didn’t have to go through it. “That’s really cruel of her. Have you thought about going to therapy?”

He nodded. “I have my first appointment next Tuesday.”

She smiled. “I’m happy for you. Are you scared?”

“I’m more scared of not getting any help. I feel like I’m losing all my sanity. I can’t live like this anymore. I’m too young and as much as I love her and wish this had never happened, we’ll never get past it being together.”

Nova nodded. “So you broke things off with her?”

“Yep and she slapped me.” He turned his face and his was bloodshot red.

“Damn! Well at least in time you’ll feel better. Maybe not on next Tuesday but the therapy will help. Bottling up feelings isn’t good.” Nova rubbed his thigh.

Marz smiled. “And so will you. I know you heard what you heard but I also know how Ash is with someone he really likes, maybe even loves. He loves hard. That’s what pissed me off so much, because he could have something that I couldn’t. You were an idea for me but for him you were reality and I hated it so I passively treated you like shit and that wasn’t fair.”

Nova’s breath hitched.

“And I know you probably think he’s sticking around for the baby but truth is even if that wasn’t a factor he’d be stuck to you like glue. That’s the type of guy he is.” Marz inhaled deeply. “Better than me, right?” He chuckled.

Nova stayed quiet for a moment. “We’re gonna make it thru this. Together. When you need someone to talk to. Maybe we can be real friends.”

“I think that would be nice. You might fuck around and be my best friend.” Marz said and nudged her with his arm a bit.

Nori sat on Hyoeun’s lap and winded her hips to the music.

“Don’t start nothing!” He told her in her ear.

She giggled. “That’s what I’m trying to do!” Her phone pinged back to back.

Where are you?

Are you busy?

I need you.

Hyoeun could see the messages. He sighed. They had never really spoken about each other exes but he could sense that these messages were ex material.

She texted back quickly. Is something wrong?

She carried along dancing on her new man, trying to forget about the messages but Harry was texting back faster than he had ever.

I miss you. I thought this would be better but it’s not. Can we talk?

Nori went back and forth in her head. Part of her wanted to hear what he had to say so she could shut his ass down. Karma was a bitch! But the other part wanted to just let the demons sleep and enjoy the bliss of Hyoeun for as long as she could. I’m busy. Maybe another time.

She placed her phone on do not disturb. The only ones who would need to contact her were in the building with her so it didn’t matter anyway.

#ambition #fanfic #kpop #stories #soft hours #kpop idols #leellamarz #ash island #changmo #keem hyoeun #the quiett #k hiphop #dok2 #seoul #hash swan #south korea

[bimbostudies]

fun might be a stretch here i’m not gonna lie, but ever since i started waking up at 5 am i’ve been a generally happier person!  i know this sounds like a nightmare but the mornings, i’ve noticed, are a space of so much potential.  especially if you’re in college, getting up early can be great because you can have a few hours to yourself before your roommate wakes up, and you can get a head start on your day and overall be more productive later on.  

convinced? great!  here’s how to do it, and some suggestions for what to do with all your extra time.  

THE NIGHT BEFORE

set an alarm: assuming your body doesn’t naturally wake up at 5 (if it does, rock on), an alarm is gonna be necessary.  but there are ways to do this to maximize impact. 

sleepyti.me: this website calculates the length of your sleep cycles and allows you to see when you’ll be in your lightest sleep (a.k.a., when it’ll be easiest to wake up). 

have roommates/living with family? perfect.  Get a loud alarm clock and set it up close to where your roommate sleeps.  Set that alarm for 5:01.  Set your phone alarm for 5:00.  (make sure the clocks are lined up).  when you wake up, you’re gonna jet on over to that other alarm as soon as you wake up, and the adrenaline is gonna wake you right up.  

If you don’t have a roommate, you can still utilize a similar system.  Set an alarm, and put it across the room. It’s gonna be a lot harder to hit snooze when you’ve already walked that far.  

make a to do list: listing out things you want to get done/need to get done the next morning are going to give you more motivation when you wake up.  while sleeping is gonna be tempting, psyching yourself up for the next day will help you get up.  Scroll down for an example of what I like to do when I get up early! 

this is gonna make me sound like a real caucasian suburban mom but I really really love pinterest for to do list inspo.  If you can find a specific recipe you wanna try for making breakfast that’s gonna be more exciting than just writing “breakfast���

I would also recommend setting out your outfit for tomorrow ! Looking at makeup looks you wanna try if you wear makeup!! If you don’t, that is wonderful and congratulations on being freed from the confines of human performance in that way I wish that was me so badly!  

generally, just do anything to get you excited about starting tomorrow.  hype yourself up bitch ur gonna look cute and have a great day !!!!!  

straighten up your space: take 15 minutes before bed to straighten up your room.  stack your books, put clothes in the hamper, and just generally declutter.   

I have adhd and I literally hate cleaning so much but I hate mess even more, so waking up to a neat room makes me feel less overwhelmed and more in control of my life

A lot of people clean in the morning, which is also valid, but if you’re telling yourself that you’re gonna do that because of procrastination, do not listen!  That voice is the devil

self care: this is a meaningless term at this point, but what I generally mean is make yourself feel fresh.  Take a shower, wash your face, brush your teeth, take a hot second to change into pajamas instead of sleeping in your clothes.  You’re gonna sleep better if you give yourself transition space to let your brain adjust to the fact that you’re going to sleep.     

drink a big ass glass of water right before you go to bed.  you’re gonna need to pee the next morning so badly that your body will literally not let you go back to sleep.  unpleasant? maybe.  but the hydration is good for you.   

sleep!  Honestly sleeping is one of the sexiest parts of the day and getting a good night’s rest is gonna be a real game changer.  I recommend shooting for at least 6 hours, but if you’re able to go to bed earlier, don’t just stay up because!  Get some rest

THE MORNING OF

once your alarm has gone off, get up and do not get back into bed.  I like to aim for at least 20 minutes of moving around before I even touch my bed again, but some people make their bed as soon as they get up to discourage going back to sleep.  Also a valid point.  

stretch!  Once you’re up, stretch your core by putting interlocking your fingers and raising your hands into the air.  This always feels so nice after just waking up 

head to the bathroom: if you have long hair, put it up. Otherwise, splash some cold water on your face, brush your teeth, do your skincare routine if you have one (i recommend having one!  Even if it’s just washing your face and putting on some cheap lotion from the beauty aisle of the grocery store).  It’ll help you get ~into the zone~

If you’re into it, work out!  i rarely work out, I’m not gonna lie to y’all, but I’ll occasionally go to the fitness center in my dorm.  If I’m feeling extra motivated, I’ll bring some notes or reading to look at while I’m on the elliptical/cycling machine/treadmill because exercising actually helps you process things better.  

yoga: yoga is a super nice workout in the morning because it doesn’t need to be super intensive.  It’s good if you’re feeling already awake, but I would avoid any routines that include corpse pose/child’s pose if you’re feeling a bit sleepy still.  

dance: dance is so nice!  There’s a barre in my workout facility, and I sometimes head to do a barre workout while I listen to some upbeat music.  I’m also a big fan of just dancing around in my room in the mornings, and I definitely did that more before I had a roommate lol 

running/walking: running and walking (especially with a pet!) is a great way to start the day!  It gets you outside into the cold, which will wake you up, and it can be pretty cathartic.  I don’t usually run in the mornings just because it’s dark this time of year and it can be kinda unsafe, but if you’re comfortable with going on a run or you live in an area that’s safe enough, it’s awesome!  Always take pepper spray and your phone though !  

easier alternatives: do ten jumping jacks, stars, or run in place for a minute.  Anything that gets your blood flowing is gonna make it easier to sleep.

ake your time getting ready!  now that you’re up early, you don’t have to rush around trying to get your makeup on on time, or throwing together an outfit in the two minutes you have before the bus comes.  Take your time.  Treat it like a ritual.  Get ready intentionally.  You’re going to feel more put together and you’re gonna feel like the stunner you are and that’s gonna make you feel more confident going into the day!  

make your bed: this is one of the best things to do in the morning because it’s low risk, high reward!  Making your bed takes like five minutes max, but when you get home your room is gonna look 300% neater and you’re gonna feel so much better.   

go over your schedule: finish any last minute things you’re gonna need for the day, whether that’s printing assignments, putting your name on your worksheet, or remembering to bring a specific book to class.   

pack your bag: related to the above, take the time to pack your bag.  Do you have your chargers? Your headphones? Your notebooks? Your pencil case?  Having time to do this thoughtfully instead of rushing is gonna make it less likely you forget something important! 

breakfast: for the love of god, eat breakfast.  If you’re up early, you have literally no excuse not to.  It can be as easy as some toast with jam or as complicated as apple cinnamon pancakes with two different side dishes.  Whatever it is, make something yummy to fuel you for the rest of your day.   

pack a lunch: making lunch at home will save you a lot of money which rocks, especially if you’re a college student supporting yourself.  It’s also a lot more convenient because you don’t need to spend time waiting in line for food or walking to a place to eat.   

get to school/wherever you need to be early: I know, at this point you might think I’m a lunatic but there are a lot of benefits to getting to school early, even if it means you have to wait in the parking lot for a bit. 

traffic is more manageable earlier in the morning: if you leave only when you absolutely have to, you’re gonna end up on the road at the same time as every clown and their mother, and it’s gonna take you a lot longer.  For example, in high school, if I left at 6:45 I would get to campus by 7:05.  But if I left by 7:15, I would get there a few minutes before 8.  Not sexy!  

Less anxiety! If you leave early, you’re guaranteed to get to class on time, without the heart attack of praying that the bus driver or the person in front of you on the freeway starts flooring it.  When you’re early, you have that time to yourself, and you don’t have to feel like you’re in a rush.  

once you’re there, find somewhere to hang out and read/get some work done!  I like to review any notes I took to prepare for a lecture the morning before to refresh myself.  It’s not necessary, but it helps!  

If you’re reading this and thinking gosh, what an absolute nerd! that’s fair.  You can spend this time on social media if you’d like, or reading, or listening to a podcast/audiobook!   

This is your time, you earned it.  And by the time your day starts, you’re gonna feel like you’ve already done so much that you’re ready to take on anything that gets thrown at you.   

okay I hope you all enjoyed this advice!  let me know if there’s any other master posts you’d like to see me do :)

#studyblr #studyspo #uniblr #study #study inspiration #inspo #kkaitstudies #heysareena #school #aesthetic #lookstudyblr #heypat #adelinestudiess #studying #masterpost #tips #study advice #college #learniqn #gloomstudy #universi-tea #heyharri #lookrylie #itshannyb #athenastudying #lawyerd #therobotstudies #* #*mastposts

[westcoastbroadway1443]

Be More Notes: my very long ramblings on BMC as I finally listen to the whole thing

Ok!  I’m finally doing it!  Now that the cast album is out I’m going to really give all of Be More Chill a listen, try to put the things that annoy me about the show aside, and give it a fair chance.  And have decided to do running commentary here for the nobody who gives a shit lol.  Going in I wanna say I’ve heard 4 full songs and random bits of other songs from the original soundtrack.  And I’ll be listening now to the OBC album plus watching a b**tlg, I’m not totally sure when it took place I just know Will Roland is in it so at the very least New York.  Keep in mind whatever I think of this show, if I end up hating it, if you like it you’re right.  My opinion in no way invalidated anybody else’s or is above anyone else’s in my eyes, frankly I don’t enjoy not liking things, it just means I don’t get to come to the party and that’s not fun.  So I might be poking fun at the show sometimes but if this speaks to you, that is fucking awesome!  Also I’m old now and I guess no longer the target audience for stuff like this.  

Spoilers for those who haven’t watched the show and don’t want to know stage stuff because I’ll be commenting on that.  This ended up being really long, eh.  

More Than Survive -ok this song I’ve heard before, and it both turned me off the show and also made me respect the hell out of it, because much like I give a salute to Black Mirror having the balls to make pig sex their pilot, I salute a musical that starts with jerking off -So far like Roland a little more than the previous guy.  From what I’ve gathered from clips, while that dude is hella talented and cute as a button I kind of buy Roland as a terrified, desperate, frustrated high school kid more   -Man I really do dig the hell out of the score and there is no denying this is catchy but some of these lyrics are so cringe -WHY IS A TEEN IN 2019 REFERENCING JOE PESCI?! -Ok I love the idea of a short bully calling somebody “tall ass” -I do like Jeremy’s body language better in this one. Also does he vocally remind anyone else of Max from Goofy Movie?  Maybe this song just reminds me  of “After Today” for no reason. -“super pimp” “mac daddy game”....OK!  I’m going to try not to list every time I cringe.  I just have questions -You don’t  want to be Clooney...high school child in 2019 is Clooney really your reference for cool?  Sorry I just struggle with this stuff because I keep hearing how this show is so in touch with kids these days but I just see:

-lol Michael came on and people went apseshit in the audience.  All my nitpicks aside I bet this room probably has some great energy. -..Michael the clerk at 7/11 doesn’t pour your slushie, it’s self serve.  Are you trying to seem cool to Jeremy right now? -Aah the boyfriend backpacks.  I know of this ship -Yeah Christine brings the flutes!!!  I was a flute player, we never get love -HAHA when Christine is doing her weird ass dance, in the recording I’m watching somebody right in front of the person recording just went “I don’t get this show”.  Like me too darlin, but you got 2 hours left so suck it up -Oh but sir, check the playbill.  The story is indeed about you -in summation this song kind of encapsulates everything I feel about this show, good performances and catchy as fuck and musically interesting and a lot of me asking “why”.

Play Rehearsal   -Well Christine is adorable -wow wait what?  wtf was that weird self harm comment???  Are we just gonna skip that??? -Ok I was a band kid in HS so I guess I don’t get this level of extra.  Band rehearsal is just tuning and then fucking around until somebody makes you play Bach -...is Christine ok??? -Ok I think at least for now I may hate her.  But I like that Jeremy likes her, likes her passion and such.  I approve of her conceptually!  I just don’t wanna be around her -I thought play rehearsal was gay, Rich?!  WHAT YOU DOIN AT PLAY REHEARSAL RICH?! -...I mean I’ve seen Romeo and Juliet as a zombie wasteland movie, I would watch Midsummer zombies

More Than Survive Reprise -”least I didn’t have a breakdown and have to go the nurse” Ok fair, I can relate to that high school experience -this set is kind of working for me, basic but fun and the floor is neat -I know high school bullies are a thing I guess? But I always just saw them in movies?  Now Middle School bullies were legit and terrible and I got the shit kicked out of me, but by HS I feel like everybody was too into their own shit to care much about anyone else??  Maybe that was just my school -Will Roland’s body language is real good in this show

The Squip Song -Oh!  Surprise Rich lisp. Creative way to show how this thing alters you -..ok now we know about Rich’s dick size.  I mean hon your short, maybe your penis is just proportionate?   -DO I DETECT SOME THEREMIN IN THIS ORCHESTRATION?!   Gimme all the theremin!   -Ok so the squip made him be an asshole?  Does he secretly want to be buddies with Jeremy? -Ok what the fuck are the people in the background doing here?!? -I know people ship Michael and Jeremy but I feel like Rich kinda wants to jump that tall ass??

Two Player Game -Ok the little sign for the game that came up was cute -These guys are kinda cute, even if I wish they’d tone down Michael’s “I’M QUIRKY!!  YOU GET IT?!?” shtick -That is accurate!  Y’all will be cool in college and I don’t see that brought up often -This is the first time I’ve found the choreography fun   -...why is this dad allergic to pants?? -ah.  Depression=no pants.  And now I get why Jeremy’s so desperate not to stay as he is.  Well points for making it not just about the girl -awww Michael is his bae -bro I’ve heard Loser Geek Whatever, you’re tellin lies right now to your buddy -LOL!  WTF IS THIS WINDOWS SCREENSAVER OF A VIDEO GAME?!? -oh wow dancin went off the rails here at the end

Squip Enters -Mountain Dew?  Well, better than Surge I guess.   -Ok the Ecto Cooler line legit made me laugh.  And I guess I could come down on the show for making Michael psyched about a drink that came out before he was born, but I have a pretty intense Crystal Pepsi obsession and that shit came out when I was maybe 4?  So I get it Michael, you go enjoy your liquid ghosts -well that squip thing doesn’t look fun -Oooooh Ok Keanu is like factory setting, alright I’ll accept this.  Though I will say this show would be 35% better if he was dressed like Keanu from Bill and Ted

Be More Chill Prt 1 -Hey stop shitting on Jeremy.  I think I kinda like him -wow Keanu, I didn’t think you’d be so mean -I mean everyone chanting “everything about you sucks” is just how peeps with anxiety feel constantly.  Eminem shirt ain’t gonna fix that -”Jerry-me” ok Will Roland is kind of making this work for me.   -Him repeating everything the squip said is a fun little sequence.  Like I dig this conceptually, scifi musicals are rare and can be neat - Lol the hate who they hate thing is pretty accurate

Do You Wanna Ride? -hey Jeremy what about Christiiiiine

Be More Chill Part 2 -the beginning of this song broke me a little.  Hey!  I’m feelin a thing! -this song is pretty fun!  It works!   -though the cast of like 10 people that just keep putting on different wigs make it feel like a high school play or a starkid production

Sync Up -ok so now I know I’m watching previews?  Because sync up isn’t here -I do think this song is a really good addition.  I mean it’s not like a stand out fantastic song but it does a good job getting across the themes and drives home the whole “everybody has problems” thing too which I like -Ok..dairy line was weird.  

A Guy I Could Kinda Be Into -Ok the weird girl fighting stuff about Jake is unpleasant and sort of unnecessary -a squip gives you a deep voice and the ability to kinda do accents.  Cool -ooo this is catchy, this is gonna make the spotify playlist -the goofy background hearts are cute.  I still don’t know why she’s into Jake or why she’s friends with Jeremy or if they should be together since legit the only thing she thinks they have in common is theater which he doesn’t care about..but this song is still cute -lol squips understand friend zone

Upgrade -DID THIS SHOW JUST KILL EMINEM?! -How did the squip know that?!  Does Eminem have a squip??  I mean it kinda makes sense.. -Don’t you see Jerbear?! The key to popularity is in this girl’s vagina!  Happy they cut the “I’ll tenderly guide you just take me inside you” thing, little creepy -Why did Jake make a kicking motion to illustrate cricket?  I’m like 85% sure Jake doesn’t know what cricket is... -the “feel all the feels” like is a little goofy but I really like the rewrite for this song, showing some depth of character.  Good job, show!  And I’m seeing some chemistry between these two, but I don’t know if I’m meant to? -Oh no!  The whole “you looked at me” thing from Brooke was so sweet and sad.  And the player two thing.  Yeah this OG version of this song can go fuck off, the rewrite is a really good tune.  I’ll admit the original maybe built up the horror a little, the squip sounds more threatening coming in at the end but I like where there going making this about everyone and not just Jeremy

Loser Geek Whatever -Squip blocked Michael??  You’re a dick, Keanu Reeves -I didn’t love this song when I first heard the single but hearing the version on the album and the stripped down piano version, I really really like it.  Gives me some of those old geek feels from back in the day -sort of surprise by how little is happening on stage though?  I sort of assumed something was happening as the song built?  But nope, just Will rocking his wee heart out -LOL!  What is Squip’s new outfit???

Halloween -Ah, it’s this show Big Fun.  This is a lot catchier than Big Fun though -I went to exactly one of these kinds of parties in HS, just replace Halloween with punks after a rock show and add a lot more drugs.  I didn’t hide in a bathroom but I did hide next to the stairs until my mom came and got me.  Memories!!  You know what this show is succeeding I suppose, it’s making me have HS feels -...is Jake dressed as Thomas Jefferson? -Jenna you’re too cute for that costume.  You should get to wear something sexy too!  Unless you just dig clowns in which case enjoy yourself hon -Ooooooh Prince, I get it -this is not this show’s fault at all but I struggle with dancing in shows.  I mean the title of my blog is The Girl Who Used to Hate Musicals because I did, and while I love them now extended dancing sequences still take me out of a show real fast.  I know I’m in the minority here -...what the fuck is that weird fuzzy thing with the big teeth -Hot damn!  Go Rich!  Dancin fool

Do You Wanna Hang? -I don’t like any part of this plot line... -Ok!  Didn’t realized she was dressed like a “sexy baby” so the diaper line sort of horrified me.  I mean it still does!  I just understand it now

Michael in the Bathroom -hey the bathtub!  Ok I know enough to know what happens now -Jeremy why you gotta be so mean -I mean what is there to say, great song.  I wondered if they’d change anything for the new recording and I dig the arrangement, especially the stripped down acoustic guitar and piano parts!! Also as a lady who maybe once or twice since discovering this song has gotten tipsy and sung it karaoke-like, appreciate the slower and the higher.  It’s not a lot, just a bit, but makes it less of a struggle to match.  Thanks bro!

A Guy That I’d Kinda Be Into (Reprise) -Finally!  They’re both giant doofs but I see some connection!  And I mean my roommate and I have noises we always make at each other like a call and response, so I gets it -He asked it!  So proud.  Rejected but proud of the boy, and rejected for good reasons

The Smartphone Hour -Heard part of this song before.  Really like this Jenna more than original Jenna, her performance was a little much for me -This is one of those songs where I really do feel like I’m watching a HS original production..but a good one?  Maybe cause I haven’t seen something like this on Broadway, but that’s a good thing.  Always good to see new kinds of things on Broadway -lol what is the middle of this song?!  I feel like I’m suddenly watching a cheer squad or like a John Waters inspired musical, which from what little I know of Joe Iconis I think he’d be cool with that comparison

The Pants Song -Jeremy don’t be mean to your dad! -Yipes is this the Break in a Glove or Dead Gay Son of BMC?? -....yeah it totally is -”Do you love him??” Has Jeremy’s dad finally given up on finding a girl in Jeremy’s room? -Ok ok I’m gettin the ship

The Pitiful Children -So squip just looks like this now, I thought maybe he was just being fancy for Halloween -Hot damn Jenna!  Why were we savin that voice?! -I feel like I’m missing something with these weird hand motions the squip is always, do they actually mean something? -goosestepping...alright.  Oh no Jeremy did the hand motions, I think that means a thing

The Play -Jeremy is being so creepy but he means well?  I guess?   -lol using the play to spread the squips is pretty clever -wtf red mountain dew?  Really?  You know what fuck it, discontinued drinks for the win.  Maybe my saved bottles of Crystal Pepsi will stop an apocalypse one day! -Michael’s entrance was cute, and hey he just happens to have code red.  I wish ecto cooler was what shut it off. -The glitching voice is crazy when Jeremy is fighting Michael and I love the way Jeremy is sort of bobbing up and down in fighting stance like a video game character,  Fun touch -squip is making Jeremy go all Idle Hands! -I prefer the recording version of the guys making up, the whole “I just wanted to be liked” “I just wanted to be seen” thing -the squip has to be so extra even in death

Voices in My Head -hey lispy Rich is back!  And bi now I guess? -Oh is that why people think Michael/Jeremy are a thing?  The squip blocked Rich’s bi thoughts from him and it blocked Michael from Jeremy’s vision?  I mean it would be an interesting story, I’d take it. -This might be my favorite song and I don’t really know why, I don’t super love that Jeremy still gets Christine in the end but I just love how this song sounds -I’ve never heard a character wearing pants get an applause? -improved lyrics in the Broadway version, and since it got more into the popular kids as people you can kinda see why they’d still stay friend with Jeremy -”I’ll throw you a rope home slice if you need some dope advice” like is this parody?  What is this??  Well..still my fav song despite this line.  A line they liked so much it’s the one original popular kid line they kept in the new version??? -don’t know if I see much future for these two, but Jeremy’s reaction to the kiss was cute -”Of the voices in my head the loudest one is mine” is my favorite line of the show -lol Rich’s little sneak hug.  I feel like Rich always wanted to be friends with Jeremy?  Or had a crush on him and that’s why his squip made him beat Jeremy up?  Is this pairing a thing?

Final thoughts:  This was so stupid long, nobody read this but that’s ok!  It was fun to take notes anyway.  Listening to it all, I liked it more than I thought I would, especially with the lyric changes.  I don’t know if I would like it as much if it wasn’t Will Roland, the dude just really made this character likable when he could very easily not be.  Some of the lines still bug me, there’s still a lot of cringe here but there’s also a lot of good stuff.  This show introduced me to Joe Iconis and I’m slowly falling in love with him from his other work and CANNOT WAIT for Broadway Bounty Hunter because that sounds so like my jam.  Overall I do get why people like this show, especially younger people because you can relate to the characters but maybe you want something a little peppier than DEH.   I don’t think this is a soundtrack I’m going to ever listen to all the way through, but I’m for sure grabbing a handful of songs and sticking them on my musical play list.  And when this thing goes on tour and ends up in LA, I think it would probably be worth checking out if I can, looks like a fun watch.  Though with all the young fans and internet fans if they’re smart they’re gonna record this bitch.

#Be More Chill #BMC #joe iconis #Will Roland #musicals #musical review #jess babbles about a thing

[aflockofwildgeese]

A Get-to-Know-Me Tag Game! I am sorry in advance!

I was tagged by @ellayouneedtostudy ! Hey there! You seem like a super cool human and you are such a frickin talented artist! Anyways, time for a super long post!

Nickname: None (Mary isn’t the easiest name to nickname)

Zodiac: Cancer 

Height: 5′6

Hogwarts House: Hufflepuff!

Last Thing I Googled: mla citation format (you would think an English major finishing her second year would have that memorized but NOPE)

Fave Musicians: Not counting musical theatre artists, probably Fall Out Boy, Hozier, dodie, P!ATD, Queen, MCR, Fleetwood Mac, and Paramore

Song Stuck In My Head: Right now it’s One Thousand and One Nights from Twisted, this morning it was To Noise Making by Hozier, for the past few days it was the original funky French version of ABC Cafe/Red and Black from Les Miserables

Following: exactly 200

Followers: 35 (what are y’all doing??)

Do You Get Asks?: Every once in a while

Regular Amount Of Sleep: Usually around 7 hours, but it varies greatly

Lucky Number: I don’t really have one, but guess I’ll go with 7?

What Are You Wearing?: a black sleeveless top with orangish/yellow flowers on it and jean shorts because it is 104 degrees and I hate everything

Dream Job: Hmm, I would say either an editor for novels or something on the creative behind-the-scenes side of theatre (like writing and directing), but I am particularly unqualified for the latter lol

Dream Trip: I don’t feel like I have a single dream trip, I think really just any trip abroad with (a) friend(s) cuz I’m a sappy Hufflepuff who wants to see the world but doesn’t really care exactly where she goes as long as the people I care about are with me

Do You Play Any Instruments?:Not anymore, sadly. I played violin and piano for several years each but fell out of practice when my depression and anxiety worsened, although trying to relearn them is one of my goals for the future

Do You Speak Any Other Languages?: Sadly no, I took Spanish in high school and one class in college, but I never use it so I can only speak a tiny bit and understand a mediocre amount

Fave songs: Oh god, that’s such a hard question... Uh, if I include favorites from musicals this isn’t going to end so I’ll just a few non-musical theatre songs that come to mind as either current or all-time favorites are To Noise Making and also Be by Hozier, I Will Follow You Into the Dark by Death Cab for Cutie, Don’t Stop Me Now and Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen, Waterloo by ABBA, Last Hope by Paramore, Save Rock And Roll by Fall Out Boy, Organs by Of Monsters and Men

Random Fact: I am a big fan of the SCU (Sharknado Cinematic Universe). In a world of pretention and cringe culture, few things make me happier than purposefully terrible, batshit crazy media that gets made just because why the fuck not. Tbh the epitome of poetic cinema

Aesthetic: aw man I’m terrible at this but... old books, rainy days, alternating between wearing lots of black or bright colors and florals depending on the day, hazelnut coffee, sending memes and animal pics to friends, suppressing the urge to sing along when listening to musicals in your earbuds on the bus, ugly scribbles in the margins of a notebook

Cats or Dogs: I hate this question because I love both SO MUCH but my standard answer is that I would probably rather have a dog if I had to choose only one as a pet

Tagging: I am officially tagging @alexaplaygirlslikegirls because she’s the only one I know is ok being tagged in stuff, but if you see this and want to do it, consider yourself tagged!

BTW I know I was tagged by 2 people in a similar thing a while ago, and I’m sorry I never got around to it, I meant to but just forgot!

#long post #ask game #i am sorry i am such a boring person lol #i am subjecting you all to this because i am procrastinating so i apologize for the selfishness

[kylorenpunk]

Do them all. Suffer as I did 😂

Bitch I told you this was our friendship. We force each other to answer all the questions. 

1. selfie

Well… I wasn’t dubbed Selfie Queen for nothing… 

This one is interesting bc I have zero makeup on. The most recent ones are too blurry. A lot of my fav selfies are full faces of makeup tho. 

2. what would you name your future kids?

I feel like that’s a decision for both parents but I really like the names Felicity, Isabella and Dimitri. Yes, all of them are names from various franchises I enjoyed throughout the years. Be glad I’m out of my phase where I thought Vladimir was a good name. 

3. do you miss anyone?

I miss all my friends I don’t get to see frequently. Love all of y’all and hope y’all are doing well in life! 

4. what are you looking forward to?

Fucking graduating. Jesus Christ it’s taken me five damn years. 

5. is there anyone who can always make you smile?

From my club it’s Chris, Yara and Josephine. Also my entire friend group from back home. Honestly I love my friends so much. 

6. is it hard for you to get over someone?

I feel like every situation is different so that’s a tough question to answer. 

7. what was your life like last year?

I honestly don’t remember much from December of last year. It was a good time though. 

8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?

I’m an emotional bitch. I’ll cry over anything. I cried over fucking Mulan the other day. 

9. who did you last see in person?

My parents and brother. Earlier in the day my club. 

10. are you good at hiding your feelings?

I’m shit at it. My face gives away everything. The other day my professor was going into her inspiration porn narrative and I just gave her a cold dead look the entire time. 

11. are you listening to music right now?

No but I have the Hamilton soundtrack stuck in my head right now since that’s what I was last listening to. If you haven’t heard it I highly suggest it. Man I wanna see it so badly. 

12. what is something you want right now?

Sleep but I’m trying not to throw off my sleep schedule right now and am waiting a bit before going to bed. I only got three hours of sleep last night so that’s fun. 

13. how do you feel right now?

Kinda tired. Relieved that I got two service projects in a row done today. It’s been a long weekend. 

14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?

My friend Sebastian hugged me when I dropped him off. I guess that counts. 

15. personality description

I’m a makeup loving nerd who enjoys sitting in pajamas watching anime and superheros as much as she enjoys swatching EVERY lipstick in Sephora. According to my friends I can’t go 5 seconds without mentioning how old I feel and my love for Dungeons and Dragons. I’m also an asshole. (Wow this sounds like a 12 year old writing this)

16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?

Yeah tons of times. It’s bitten me in the ass. Oh well live and learn I guess? 

17. opinion on insecurities.

Everyone has them? If they say they don’t then they are lying. Mine is mainly related to my appearance or how I speak. 

18. do you miss how thing were a year ago?

I miss how things were in the beginning of this year. It started off strong then kinda turned into a shit show. 

19. have you ever been to New York?

No but it’s my top thing on my bucket list. My friends and I are highly considering a trip. 

20. what is your favourite song at the moment?

Of all time: Get Low by Lil Jon 

Currently: “Told You So” by Little Mix (If you haven’t heard their new album I highly suggest it if you love girl groups that preach women empowerment) 

21. age and birthday?

22 - June 21st (She’s a Cancer)

22. description of crush.

I don’t have a hardcore crush right now. More like 5 second crushes that are over the second they do something I don’t like. 

Edit: Currently “celebrity?” crush is Nathan Sharp. I am seriously considering dropping $55 to see him at a convention this month. 

23. fear(s)

Heights, something terrible happening to my loved ones, wild snakes, and the usual common anxiety fears 

24. height

Five foot three inches. I’m short. Yes I know it’s not that short but tall people like to put me in the short category anyway. 

25. role model

My mom’s coworker who was my internship supervisor. She has a doctorate’s in what I want to do and is amazing at what she does. The amount of knowledge and experience that women has is incredible. She is also extremely funny and knows how to teach with a sense of humor which I appreciate. 

26. idol(s)

Celebrity idols? I don’t really idolize celebrities bc humans are humans and have flaws. 

27. things i hate

Immaturity, intolerance of differences, demeaning slurs, The Last Jedi, and the new Fantastic Beasts movie 

28. i’ll love you if…

Play with my hair, are kind to my friends and family, share common interests, show an interest in what I have to say, basically respect me and those close to me and we’re good 

29. favourite film(s)

Hairspray, High School Musical, The Greatest Showman, Stardust, The Harry Potter series, Avengers, Guardians of the Galaxy

30. favourite tv show(s)

Jane the Virgin, Naruto (fuck off I hate myself too ok), the first three seasons of Arrow before it turned to shit

31. 3 random facts

I’m not artistically talented but I genuinely enjoy makeup and creating looks

I have a nonverbal brother with autism and he’s my favorite person ever

I completely programmed my brother’s communication device by myself 

32. are your friends mainly girls or guys?

Now my friends are mainly girls but when I lived in Tampa 90% of my friends over there were guys (Hi Mason). I’m going to say that’s bc of us all playing video games in the Delta lounge (RIP Dirty D). But yeah now it’s mainly girls and 80% of my dude friends are gay. 

33. something you want to learn

Sign Language. Ice skating. Hairstyling. Fashion (I’m trying to be better about putting clothes together). Also I’m down to learn more about makeup and techniques 

34. most embarrassing moment

Either farting while doing an air guitar in front of my entire girl scout troop

or signing to my friend that I liked her friend at a party and his brother repeated what I had signed out loud in front of everyone

wait. No. When I F U C K E D  up in front a super hot guy while volunteering and then chose an 18 year old jock as my wingman. 18 year olds are dumbasses. Don’t use them as wingmen. Fuck you Khaled. 

35. favourite subject

In grade school I think it was English or History. It really all depended on the year. 

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?

VISIT NEW YORK 

Hike the Smokey Mountains 

Visit Europe 

37. favourite actor/actress

Chris Evans (especially when he is trying to fight orange president on twitter) 

Also Mark Hamill is perfect 

38. favourite comedian(s)

I don’t watch comedians often. I guess the Fluffy guy? 

39. favourite sport(s)

The only time I give a shit about sports is when my university is undefeated or playing my first university in football. Or the soccer world cup if it’s on. However I appreciate the skill it takes to do a sport. 

40. favourite memory

San Antonio. It was my first time traveling without family and it was the greatest time. It was such a cool city 

41. relationship status 

Single - I take my sweet ass time 

42. favourite book(s)

Eragon (No, I haven’t finished the entire series. No, I don’t want spoilers bc I will do it eventually.) 

43. favourite song ever

“Get Low” by Lil Jon 

“Look Through My Eyes” by Phil Collins 

44. age you get mistaken for

Last year I got mistaken twice in a row within an hour for a middle schooler. I was 21 at at that time. During my internship one of the parents asked me if I had any kids. I’m either mistaken as a parent or as a 13-15 year old. There is no in between.  

45. how you found out about your idol

N/A since I don’t have an idol

46. what my last text message says

“lmao it’s alright” to Joey but the previous one is more funny “thankfully no one threw up this time” in regards to my friend’s party last night

47. turn ons

Well I aint about to talk about my sex life so let’s go with personality 

Common interests such as superheros or anime, charismatic, easy to get along with, common goals in life, cares about their loved ones, has passion, and someone I can hold an intellectual conversation with 

48. turn offs

rudeness, immaturity, inattentiveness, bad tempers, superiority complex, not being genuine, judging others, treating people like objects, and general lack of care for others or themselves

49. where i want to be right now

Back in the smokey mountains in a cabin watching movies and anime

50. favourite picture of your idol

N/A 

51. starsign

She’s an emotional Cancer

52. something i’m talented at

Apparently I’m good with kids      Makeup too I guess? 

53. 5 things that make me happy

friends, family, nerdy shit, makeup and Kakashi

54. something thats worrying me at the moment

Some shit happened last night that has me worried for some friends but I’m sure they’ll figure it out 

55. tumblr friends

A shit ton of y’all I know IRL. I won’t tag y’all bc that’s annoying af 

Joey’s my only internet friend @earthschampion (answer my text bitch) 

56. favourite food(s)

pasta, empanadas, crab rangoons, taziki sauce 

57. favourite animal(s)

Meerkats and koala bears

58. description of my best friend

K @burnitstronger: realest damn friend you will ever have. Will tell you how it is and provide never ending love and support. Never understands my dumbass shenanigans but loves me anyway. Love you boo 

J : Will also tell you how it is and forces you to watch Naruto and ruin your damn life. Will happily go with you to eat junk food after class. Will fight anyone who wrongs you and is def still plotting revenge on all my ex’s. Stans Loona

M: Will scream at you in Leo in a frightening but loving way. Has the best damn fashion sense I have ever seen. Is the friend that comes by when I need her to and brings a shit ton of snacks and love (J does this as well).

59. why i joined tumblr

I was bored on fourth of July in 2012 and my friends kept telling me that this website would be fun. Also the avengers “fandom” from back then 

60. ask me anything you want

I would say I’m sorry Mason but I enjoy making all my friends suffer. Make sure to give him a follow bc he’s cool. @masonjar828

#ask #me #yikes this took a long ass time

[typicalmidnight]

100 Questions

1.) Name Kaleea

2.) Where are you from? Canada

3.) How old are you? 13

4.) Do you have any siblings? yes, a younger brother

5.) Pets? an aquatic frog (i kinda hate it tho)

6.) Describe yourself um smart, funnyish, sarcastic 24/7

7.) What do you do for fun? read, watch youtube and netflix, sing

8.) Do you have a job? What do you do? nope i just go to school

9.) Have you had other jobs? i used to babysit?

10.) What’s your favorite memory? i have no freaking idea

11.) What is one thing you regret? so many things

12.) What is one thing you wish you would’ve done, but didn’t? tried out for my school musical

13.) One thing about yourself you wish you could change my hair cause i cut it and regret it so much

14.) What do you love about yourself? my singing voice

15.) Who inspires you? brooke sanchez, zendaya, emma watson, idk who else

16.) Do you collect anything? no?? i don’t think so lol

17.) Do you have any fears? SPIDERS

18.) Is there anything that annoys you about your job? uh homework?? lol

19.) Can you tell us a secret about yourself? 

20.) How about another secret? :)

21.) Favorite band? One Direction

22.) What music are you currently listening to? well currently as i’m writing this, i’m listening to Eyes Wide Open by Sabrina Carpenter. but in general lots of oldish pop from 2012-2016/17

23.) Do you have a favorite song? i don’t think so

24.) Do you have a favorite movie? ooooooh ummmm spiderman: homecoming at the moment i think

25.)What’s your favorite color? purpleeee

26.) What’s your favorite place you’ve ever been to? cuba!

27.) Ever broken a promise? i mean probably, small ones tho. wait actually tho this girl that i don’t really like told me her crush and made me promise not to tell anyone but i broke that one soooooo that was a mess. regret that a lot.

28.) Do you have a favorite book? harry potter and the deathly hallows

29.) What’s your favorite school subject? language (english)

30.) Least favorite school subject? GYM

31.) What’s your favorite food? sushi

32.) How about least favorite food? so many i have no idea

33.) What’s your favorite Holiday? Christmas!!!!

34.) What makes you mad? ahhhh so much but usually my brother

35.) What makes you happy? peter parker, reading, harry potter, brooke sanchez, music

36.) Do you have a favorite scent? no, but if i had to pick i would say vanilla

38.) Do you have a favorite TV show? uhhhhh full house maybe?

39.) Can you share an extremely embarrassing moment? once i punched my crush in the face by accident...

40.) When is a time you were extremely irritated? a few weeks ago i was under a lot of stress and my friend stole my earbuds but when she said she took them she seemed like she was lying and my anxiety levels were really high (i have diagnosed anxiety okay i’m not just saying that) and she was really stressing out and i was super mad at her. that’s long sorry. also super random.

41.) Is there anybody you hate? millie bobby brown (sorry y’all that like her) and this kid in my class.

42.) What do you look for in a person? a strong personality, funny, outgoing, nice, someone i can relate too

43.) How’s the weather? sucky it’s coldddd and even tho it’s winter there’s no snow even tho i’m in CANADA and like we usually get snow but there isn’t any so that’s making me kinda mad

44.) Are you currently in school? not at the moment, but yes, i do go to school

45.) What is your goal in life? to become a professional singer maybe??

46.) Is there something you should be doing, but keep putting off? homework, cleaning my room

47.) Ever been to a concert? yes, i saw johnny orlando and mackezie ziegler, and hayden summerall, brooke butler, and johnny orlando again

48.) What was the last movie you saw in theater? fantastic beasts: the crimes of grindelwald

49.) What was the last book you read? mockingjay (hunger games trilogy)

50.) What is your favorite season? fall

51.) Do you prefer it to be hot or cold? cold i guess but i hate both

52.) Do you prefer the sun, the rain, or snow? sun, but not too hot

53.) If you could go anywhere, where would you go? paris maybe

54.) Any current travel plans? nah but i wanna go to vidcon. i might go to flordia tho possibly to go to playlist live.

55.) Do you prefer day or night? idk

56.) Are you an introvert or extrovert? in👏tro👏vert👏

57.) What is something not many people know about you? i write fics, and i actually really love writing (nobody i know in real life knows this i don’t think)

58.) Where are you right now? my living room

59.) Look in front of you. What do you see? a blanket

60.) If you could meet one person, alive or dead, who would it be? does peter parker count?

61.) Would you rather look into your future, or fix something from your past? i honestly have no idea

62.) If you could sit down with anyone in the world, and talk to them for an hour, who would you like to speak with? zendaya

63.) What was the first CD you ever owned? i don’t own any

64.) What was the first CD you ever purchased with your own money? noneee

65.) If you own any Vinyls, which was your first? um none!

66.) How many CDs do you own? 0. nobody uses cds!

67.) What relaxes you? music

68.) Do you have any talents? singing?? idk sometimes i think i’m good at it, and others i think i’m terrible

69.) If you could give yourself the ability to do anything, what would it be? like a superpower?? um be a witch like hermione granger but without a wand. or combat my anxiety and ask out my crush (he would prob say no tho i’m pretty sure he doesn’t like me back)

70.) Favorite candy? gummies

71.) Is anything bothering you right now? i’m going to a new school soon i think and i’m hella nervous

72.) Are you happy with where you are in life right now? not really, the reason i’m going to a new school is actually because of my anxiety, so i’m upset with myself for letting it take this much control over me.

73.) Is there anyone you regret ever associating with? none that i can think of

74.) Do you have a favorite memory from your childhood? uh well one time i was eating ice cream in front of my tv when i was really little. that was fun.

75.) What is your least favorite memory from your childhood. when i was 3 i had a dream cookie monster was in my basement and he was trying to eat me. that traumatized me for years.

76.) Favorite memory of your parents? idk i have terrible memory i’m sorry

77.) Do you have a least favorite memory of your parents? again, terrible memory

78.) How is your relationship with your parents? um i’m closer with my mom than my dad, but there’s other stuff i shouldn’t get into on the internet

79.) What’s your family like? good? idk

80.) Are you clean or messy? messyyyy even tho i hate messiness

81.) What is your most recent purchase? books

82.) What’s the most amount of money you’ve spent at once? i have no idea

83.) What are you saving up for? vidcon tickets

84.) How much money do you have to your name currently? a lot? idk

85.) Have you ever done anything last minute? EVERYTHING

86.) What’s the furthest in advance you’ve planned something? nothing i’m terrible at planning

87.) Are you an introvert or Extrovert? you already asked this?? in👏tro👏vert👏

88.) What’s the latest you’ve ever been out of your house? 5 am?? maybe??? i have no idea

89.) Cats or Dogs? D👏O👏G👏S👏 (i’m not against cats, just not a cat person)

90.) How long have you gone without sleep? like the longest? 22 hours i think. currently tho like 5 hours i woke up late cause i’m sick

91.) What were you like as a child? shyyyyy but also very loud if i was comfortable

92.) What do you miss from your childhood? the innocence you have when you’re a child, and not having drama all the time

93.) Do you have a favorite memory from work? i don’t workkkkkkk. but from school, we went on a trip to Washington DC and that was cool.

94.) What’s the scariest thing that’s ever happened to you? I almost got hit by a car once? (but like i almost did no joke my friend saved me tho) (happens to be the same friend who stole my earbuds)

95.) What’s a bad habit that you have? biting my nails oof

96.) What are your plans for the summer? uhhhhhhhh

97.) What was the last thing that made you happy? writing these answers

98.) What was the last picture you took on your phone? screenshot of the new spider-man trailer!!!

99.) Who was the last person you texted and why? my friends, because i was super excited about the new trailer

100.) Send me your own questions in the ask box!

#lovely about

[i-want-to-be-manhandled]

more trans ramblings (tramblings?) - to T or not to T, that is the question

so i’m writing this so i have some thoughts to show my therapist next week instead of scouring my brain for them but im posting it on the internet instead of keeping it in a word document or some shit cause i need some of y’all to relate and i’m already way too personal on here anyways. and also at this point this is my personal blog too, i’ve given up entirely on keeping it just for video games. tl;dr: please tell me i am not the only one with stupid amounts of doubt going against the stupid amounts of evidence that i am very transgender. 

tw: long post, doubts, testosterone/hrt effects discussed in detail, (don’t read this if you know me irl and haven’t personally talked with me about being trans? otherwise go ahead), nsfw cause we’re talking about genitals but mostly towards the end of the second to last paragraph (i’ll strike the nsfw stuff), mention of rape but no discussion of it happening, lemme know if i missed anything

so as my last transpost said im very excited for my hysto that im nowhere near getting but im flip-flopping as to whether or not i want to go on t. i know i can get it fairly quickly if i decide i do want it. there’s a trans health clinic in walking distance from where i am moving in 23 days, i have 3 therapists who will write me a letter of recommendation for testosterone, and my mother even found me the trans health clinic so she’ll try to find me somewhere else to go if they don’t take me in for some reason. (having a supportive mom is great i don’t miss her crying about how hard it is to have a trans kid in january and february.) and i’ve looked thoroughly at the effects of testosterone and have sorted them into pros, neutrals, and cons. (posting it here again mostly bc i need to do it but i also need some of yall to relate and/or validate me and/or answer my weird questions)

pros:

voice drop. im so tired of having a squeaky voice which is exacerbated by me always being anxious, and my sister has a deeper voice than me and always tries to sing ridiculously low parts to stretch it for some reason which makes me feel insecure. and apparently my voice is “always squeaky” according to my dad and like? shit man i pass until i talk that’s just the tea. 

i dont even care if i have a super deep voice, i actually think i’d rather be a solid tenor because that’s the vocal range of most of my favorite songs, but i want to sound like a man when i talk and not an 8 year old girl

side note apparently a lot of trans guys have male “internal voices” but mine just sounds like how i sound when i talk because i’m a very literal person and that’s why it took me forever to figure out i was trans and not having a male internal voice makes me dysphoric sometimes and even doubt that i’m trans at all... that’s dumb af i know it’s just my literal personality type not me actually being a girl

more muscle. i dont work out as it is right now but if i knew i’d see results the way i want them then i probably would. also im getting ripped during the school year anyways bc i walk everywhere with a 15-20 pound backpack strapped to me so i’m at least gonna look semi muscular which is what i want anyways. please give me strength quite literally i can barely lift bro

bottom growth. ik it’s still not going to be ~enough~ or whatever but i’d have... something? that would be nice. 

side note would packers start to be uncomfortable with something there bc i wonder about that sometimes. not that mine is super uncomfortable now or anything (i just haven’t figured out how to make it sit right) but i wonder about that

NO PERIODS NO PERIODS NO PERIODS NO PERIODS NO PERIODS

if im one of those guys whose periods dont stop on t i am actually going to perform a hysto on myself

fat shifting from hips, thighs and butt to my stomach. i don’t care if i have stomach chub or not, but i DO care that my hips are Like That and my things are Really Girly and i have a fucking Girl Butt TM like please just let me Not Have These Problems

having a more angular face. doesn’t happen to everyone per se but because of my facial structure as it is and also what my dad looked like when he was my age, i probably will get this change. i have actively wished for this since i was 13 and didn’t even know dysphoria was a word. hopefully it makes my lips a little thinner too or at least more masculine.

veins becoming more prominent. i have this one pic of me where it looks like i have Guy Arms and i just wanna look like that all the time ya know

lookin like a dude and passing? that counts right

neutrals:

facial hair. i know a lot of trans guys want this but i’ve never wanted one. i just want a jawline to cut a bitch tbh i’m never having more than stubble except the beard imma wear to my high school reunion

body hair. this is more of a pro-neutral ig bc i want it on my arms and legs but would prefer not to have a lot on my chest and stomach. fortunately i dont think my dad has a whole lot but i’m a pretty hairy afab person as it is i just dont wanna be a werewolf lmao

hair loss at temples. i just don’t care about my hairline enough for this to really bother me. maybe i will when it happens but *shrug*

scents of sweat/bo/urine changing? idk i feel like it will be weird, maybe gross if it turns out bad but honestly i don’t really care what i smell like as long as i don’t smell like a dumpster fire? i shower it’s fine lmao

rougher skin? i dont know if i’d like having rougher skin but i also dont like being an uwu soft boi so

acne. nobody wants it but like... i already have stress-acne right now and don’t really give a shit because i hate how my face looks anyways. not that i want a fuckton of acne because nobody does but im not gonna cry myself to sleep over it ya feel? it’s an annoyance but not really a con

cons:

increase in sex drive. not to be nsfw but masturbating is a chore as it is. it hasn’t been fun since i realized i had crippling bottom dysphoria and even then i can’t get off unless i’m completely distracted from my body (either through porn or being too tired to care). also i have like a 2% chance of ever having a partner so i really dont wanna have to deal with having the sex drive of a 12 year old boy when im 19, single, depressed, and dysphoric. im not even asexual but this is the worst con

emotional changes. yall know at this point i dont have the best temper, and i dont want t to exacerbate that. now, some of my friends have said that t has made them much calmer and actually less irritable, but the rest of my friends said t makes them angry. i have poor anger management and i know it. i don’t need it made worse. it’ll fuck my life up for real

increase in appetite. listen i have gastritis, ibs and acid reflux i cannot afford to be needing to eat more than i currently do

so as yall can see i have a fair number of all 3: 8 pros, 6 neutrals, and 3 cons. and what’s more, all of the cons are things that don’t have anything to do with my appearance (which my therapist and i noticed during our session a couple weeks ago and really made me think i should go on t). so then the answer should be clear: i should go on t, right? deal with having a fucked high sex drive and be pissed off because of it but finally be able to see my reflection in the mirror. so it should be obvious. what the hell am i waiting for?

the main reason i’m hesitant is i’m afraid i’ll want to detransition. even though i KNOW it rarely happens and the women who do thought they were trans because of unaddressed traumas relating to being female or have a personality disorder. i have neither of those things: the only female-related trauma i have is being slut shamed by my mom for wearing tank tops and any shirt that wasn’t a crew neck and one guy saying he’d rape me in 9th grade because he thought rape and sex were the same thing (for his sake i hope he’s grown the fuck up!! i’m not traumatized from this i just made my teacher not let him sit next to me in class and told him to stop talking to me. sadly this is the most sexual attention i’ve ever gotten), and the only mental illnesses i have are depression and anxiety (unless we’re counting dysphoria, which i definitely have). i also sometimes feel like i discovered it too late: i didn’t say “i’m not a girl” until i was 14, refused to explore my gender until i was 17, and didn’t fully accept i was trans until i was 18. and other dumb shit: i never tried to pee standing up so im not really trans even though i didn’t know what a penis was until i was like 9, ive caught myself twice recently wishing for longer hair which made me feel feminine and gross and dysphoric (even though i know hair length =/= gender??), and im not in danger of suicide if i don’t get testosterone and top surgery RiGhT nOw. the prospect of me detransitioning isn’t likely, when you look at all the facts, but the prospect makes me anxious because everything makes me anxious. i am the poster boy for anxiety. and yes, i know i would have said that even when i accepted that i was technically the poster girl but i would have said poster boy anyways because it was “gender neutral” and didn’t rub me the wrong way like poster girl would have. same reason i insisted on being a dude instead of dudette and only described myself with words that didn’t have a female equivalent in french class even if it wasn’t true. so what the hell am i waiting for.

like i know i shouldn’t be doubting at this point because it’s so, so obvious that i’m trans. just because i didn’t try to pee standing up when i was little or ask why i didn’t have a penis doesn’t mean i’m not a guy. i logically know this. like when i was 11 and i insisted to myself i had a male brain but knew i shouldn’t say that out loud because that was weird and i wanted to be a normal girl who didn’t have a weird male brain, and when i was 7 and at my friend sarah’s house and her room was super pink and girly and i literally thought the sentence “is this what i’m supposed to be like?” and when i was 14 and cut my hair into the Typical Queer Girl Pixie Cut and my hair was just??? gone like i wanted it to be when i was 9 and ended up with a bowl cut instead, and instead of looking in the mirror and thinking i looked like an owl when i was 9 i smiled at how “androgynous” (masculine) i looked, and when i was 11 and only hung out with boys at summer camp and they treated me like one of them and the girls were really mean to me but it was the best summer i’d ever had, and when i was 15 and my friend chris joked that i was the “guy” in my lesbian relationship and i was so fucking happy, and when i was 15 and starving myself because i loved my “angular” figure and jaw,  and when i was 16 and wearing a dress to winter formal because my ex met me in one and i wanted to be cute for him but i picked the dress that looked like a suit because it looked very “queer” (masculine), and when i was 14 and literally went “hmmm im gonna bind my chest just because i wanna know what it would look like” and it made me so euphoric and i knew in that instant i wasn’t a girl but repressed it for 3+ years because dealing with it would just be too hard, and when i was 11 and knew it was going to be my last day going to school without a bra on and just being so ashamed even though i wanted breasts so i’d be a normal girl, and when i was 16 and wearing that backwards snapback all the time and my friend said it was what tops did and i was so happy that nobody would consider me a bottom or whatever stupid shit because i couldn’t imagine myself being penetrated ever in my cisgender gay life, and when i was 16-17 and scouring the lesbian section of pornhub for pov/strap-on videos bc i wanted to know what it would look like to fuck a girl with a dick without watching straight porn because i’m 100% a gay female because the word lesbian is too girly im not a trans guy or anything haha, and when i was 14-and-onwards wondering why it felt so empty between my legs and why it felt like i was supposed to have a dick lmao im totally a girl though haha, and when i was 15 and had to google how to masturbate bc i couldn’t figure it out naturally and still felt like i was doing it wrong, and when i was 15 and looked at my vagina in the pocket mirror i got from selling like 30 boxes of girl scout cookies in 2007 and my first thought was “that is not my body,” and when i was 16 and actually very upset that i couldn’t ejaculate when i orgasmed. trans who? what the fucking hell am i waiting for

seriously. i was 7 and looking at my 2nd grade yearbook photo thinking “that doesn’t look like me,” and i was 13 and looking in the mirror saying “that doesn’t look like me,” and i went through all of my adolescence waiting for “puberty to turn me into a girl” and then i was 17 and done with puberty and crying because my body was still wrong. i can’t believe how hard i tried throughout my whole adolescence to be some facet of “normal girl” so i wouldn’t get bullied and be dateless forever and thinking “puberty hasn’t turned me into a girl yet” and not stopping to think about what i was if i wasn’t a girl until puberty was done, i realized it wasn’t going to happen, and it was too damn late for me. now i’m 19 and don’t leave the house without either a binder or a sports bra/baggy layers combo and i’d wear my packer everywhere if i could figure out how to get it to sit right (and also get it past my parents lmao).  like if anyone else rattled off that list of trans shit i wouldn’t question them for a second. but because it’s me and i’m like “what if i’m transwashing my memories? what if i’m gaslighting myself?” i’m still not on testosterone and please validate me. tell me other trans people doubt themselves, no matter how obvious it is that they’re trans. tell me it’s okay to doubt hrt, even though you know it will be so much more likely to help you. tell me it’s okay to be afraid of detransitioning, even though it’s okay if i DO decide to detransition and it’s so unlikely anyways considering all the evidence of Me Not Being A Fucking Girl.

if you read this all the way to the end here’s an awkward hug and some brain bleach im not even drunk or high i can’t even blame substances for this behavior 

#kieran screams into the void #to t or not to t #that is the question #i think i should go on t after rereading this post #but im still a lil skeptical bc of that anxiety ya know #also pls laugh your ass off at my dumb high school self #im here to provide the most quality entertainment #it took me 3 hours to type this

[heckin-harrington]

87 question tag!

87 random questions

I was tagged by @steveharringtonofficial ♥︎ thank you my friend!

I’m tagging: @mileven-353 @lovelydacre and anyone else who wants to do this! (ofc, don’t feel pressured to)

-

1. Where do you live? Texas

2. One cool item you own? A bracelet from an African Bushman tribe :)

3. Moon or stars? stars

4. Places you’d like to travel to? back to Africa, Japan, and Australia

5. Favourite song? The Only Reason - 5sos or High Enough - Damn Yankees

6. Do you have any fears? lowkey the dark, heIGHTS, roaches

7. Do you feel different than you did last year? eh, slightly worse slightly better ???

8. What is your race? white

9. Pet peeves? people my age who call me pet names bc they’re ‘older’ than me, people who think they’re the shit, just negative humans in general

10. Any siblings? one sister, two stepbrothers, and two half brothers

11. Are you a gamer? i wouldn’t consider myself a gamer but i love me some horror games and Crasj Bandicoot

12. Sexual orientation? i hate labels and i just like nice people so i’m just here :)

13. Does a broken mirror mean bad luck? eh

14. What do you feel is your mental age? maybe a little older than i am now (16) but not much, maybe 18 or so

15. How old were you when you started dating? 15 but nothin’s happened bc it gives me hella anxiety

16. Where do you do most of your online shopping? amazon or hottopic

17. Favourite animal? cheetah !!

18. What’s one film from the 2000s that you like? all my fav movies are from the 80s but i love all of the Disney Channel Original movies and ofc the HSM trilogy

19. What’s your favourite scary movie? IT bc it’s the only horror movie i’ve ever seen :,)

20. Fun fact about yourself? i’m on the autism spectrum :) i have asperger’s syndrome

21. Shoe size? 8

22. Which fictional character(s) do you relate to the most? Hermione Granger, bc i’m a huge book worm/nerd and Steve Harrington, bc i act all macho and confident but my self esteem is low but i would protect my friends at all costs

23. Where do you see yourself living in ten years? hopefully Africa working with cheetahs or San Diego working at the safari park there

24. Ever wore clothes that were just wayyy too tight? yup yup yup, theatre perks

25. What’s on your mind? my dream from last night... oh how i wish i was still sleeping to carry it on

26. Are you religious? yeah, but not a bible thumper

27. How tall are you? 5’3”

28. Favourite band? 5sos always and Def Leppard

29. Do you remember 2009? I was 8 so no, not really

30. Cats or dogs? cats

31. Fruit or vegetables? fruits

32. Do you want to get married? not currently but everyone says i’ll change my mind

33. Do you want children? no but again ^^ but if I were, I’d want a son

34. Flamingos or peacocks? flamingos

35. What superpower do you wish you had? teleportation or time travel

36. Are you a germ freak? to an extent

37. Did swearing baby, ghost car, or ghost caught on tape scare you as a kid? what???

38. Do you prefer sweet or salty? both

39. Tea or coffee? coffee

40. Are you superstitious? depends

41. Do you like stripes? yeah i guess, i don’t wear ‘em tho

42. Favourite shows as a kid? Blues Clues, Dora, Bindi the Jungle Girl, or Power Rangers: Jungle Fury

43. Favourite shows growing up? all the good Disney Channel shows

44. Favourite musical? Rock of Ages

45. Favourite movie? Monsters Inc. or any 80s movie

46. Birthday? September 30

47. Are you a grammar Nazi? sometimes

48. Ever gotten drunk? nope

49. Do you have a carrier bag? yes

50. What would you do if you were the opposite gender for a day? good lord, i have no clue. probably play with my hair (like style it ‘n such) and sing all the good guy songs from musicals

51. If you were the opposite gender what would you change your name to? apparently if I was a guy my name would’ve been Seamus (aye Irish squad where y’all at) but I’ve always liked the name Tristian

52. What song is stuck in your head? the Stranger Things rap... *sigh* leTS GO BACK TO INDIANA—

53. Celebrity crush? Michael Clifford, Joe Keery, and Dacre Montgomery hULLO

54. If you could live in a non-English speaking country, where would it be? Namibia (i have a fascination with Africa y’all)

55. Are you a good dancer? hA NO

56. Have any allergies? tree nuts

57. Any bad habits? i bite my nails and procrastinate like there’s no tomorrow

58. Ever broke a bone? nope but i have busted open my head twice

59. Are you a city or country person? city

60. Do you like your home country? yeah, America is pretty snazzy

61. Sunflowers or daisies? sunflowers

62. Tulips or roses? roses

63. Oak or maple? maple

64. Disney or Nickelodeon? Disney with a splash of Nickelodeon (iCarly, Victorious, and Drake & Josh were my SHIT)

65. WYR be obese or anorexic? obese

66. WYR be over 6 feet or under 5 feet? under 5 feet

67. Rubies or sapphires? sapphires

68. Are you stubborn? yes

69. Have you been in scouts/Girl Scouts? Yup! Currently an Ambassador Girl Scout :)

70. What type of music do you listen to? 80s hairband, pop-punk, emo, a lot of stuff actually

71. Favourite vine? “welcome to t-t-t-t-target!! *airhorns*” and sO MANY MORE

72. Beaches or castles? beaches

73. Pick the closest book to you, and write the line for page 36, line 16: “When they get to me, I cop a plea that I wasn’t in control of the car, that I was scared and pleading for the guy to stop.” -Mindhunter, John Douglas

74. Anyone in the same room as you right now? in the car with my stepdad

75. Which is worse; throwing up or diharreah? throwing up, i cry when i do... it’s a mess

76. Butterflies or lady bugs? lady bugs!

77. Do you say “K” when you’re not mad? nope, i just say it on a daily basis

78. How do you react when purposely scare you? i scream... then slap

79. Most overrated celebrity? beyonce or the kardashians

80. Do you have a globe in your room? nope

81. Do you have a dream catcher in your room? nope, I used to

82. What do you see when you look out your window? my neighbor’s house or if i look out my closet window, the street and coldesac

83. Have you been on an airplane? yup, many a times

84. Do you believe in aliens? obviously

85. Do you believe in ghosts? yES

86. Do you believe in God? yeah

87. Do you believe in yourself? haha nope

#jen answers #heckin harrington asks #87 question tag

[womenofcolor15]

Kanye West Says God DELIVERT Him From Sex & Porn Addiction, Hits Fashion Gala With Sexy-Dressed Kim After Spat Over Her Look + Ye’s Not Looking For Black Twitter’s Validation

Kanye West had a busy night last night as he was gearing up to drop his new album, Jesus Is King. Find out what he was up to with his wife Kim Kardashian West, plus what he said about God delivering him from porn addiction, his response to backlash he received about his wife's sexy attire, asking everyone who worked on Jesus Is King to abstain from premarital sex, and not giving a **** what Black Twitter thinks.

Kanye West was BUSY last night.

Before popping up on “Jimmy Kimmel Live!,” Ye and his wife Kim Kardashian West made their way to the 2019 FGI Night Of Stars Gala at Cipriani Wall Street in NYC. The couple mixed and mingled throughout the night, rubbing elbows with Martha Stewart.

“They seemed to really enjoy her,” an eyewitness told Us Weekly. “Kanye and Kim had huge smiles on their faces. Martha then took a photo with them.”

Before the release of his much-delayed religious album, Jesus Is King, Ye sat down for a lengthy interview with Beats 1’s Zane Lowe on Apple Music where he responded to the backlash he received for comments he made about his wife's “too sexy” appearance. Here’s some backstory…

On the October 13th episode of “Keeping Up With The Kardashians,” Kanye & Kim got into a heated discussion about Kim’s Met Gala corset dress – which took 8-months to make.

“I went through this transition where being a rapper, looking at all these girls and looking at my wife, like, ‘Oh my girl needs to be just like the other girls showing their body off,'” he said. “I didn’t realize that that was affecting my soul and my spirit as someone who is married and the father of now … about to be four kids,” he told Kim. "A corset is a form of underwear. It's hot. It's like, it's hot for who though?"

"The night before [the Met Gala] you're going to come in here and say you're not into the corset look? You're giving me really bad anxiety, Kim responded. "I don't need any more negative energy."

“You are my wife and it affects me when pictures are too sexy," the rapper said to his wife. 

The "KUWTK" star popped back with the perfect response (we can’t believe we’re saying this):

“You built me up to be this sexy person and confidence and all this, and just because you’re on a journey and transformation doesn’t mean I’m in the same spot with you,” she said.

Ye wasn't feeling her response, so he got up and stormed out of the room.

Watch it go down below:

  Kanye West tells Kim K that he gets affected when her pictures are “too sexy” pic.twitter.com/WjQ43VRwWY

— DatPiff (@DatPiff) October 14, 2019

  The fact he’s telling her to NOT dress sexy despite that being the main reason he married and EMPHASIZED it more once he did is …interesting. You’ll recall how he had Kim overly sexualized in his videos and spreads of his. And he also had her throw out her entire wardrobe and bought every piece of clothing for her. Needless to say, folks were going in on Kanye and now he’s responding.

“I suffer and I appreciate the suffering because we can feel a little bit of what Jesus experienced, but I suffer on social media,” Kanye explained [at the 43:10-minute mark]. “There are other married men that I know are happy to hear me say 'Oh, I'm suffering.'”

“Social media prompts women, in particular, to put out content that they wouldn’t in the past,” he continued. “When I was younger and I wanted to see something like that I had to pay someone who was older … Now I have friends who have kids who are just out of grammar schoo, high school and it’s readily available.”

Isn't this what he made his wife do?

He talked about how he thought he was influencing the culture, but it was really the culture influencing him - his words.

"I thought I was the god of culture but really culture was my god . . . What is a culture today? What are some of the major things that it includes and all of the major points of what might make the culture?" he said. "Taking a knee at a football game, wearing expensive clothes, rapping about—just rap, period—making money from rap, making money from basketball, buying jewelry. Using social media is a very major part of the culture. To be down with or part of the culture, you have to use social media. None of these things that you need to be involved in order to be down with the culture are owned by black people. So who designed the culture?"

He said social media is like the modern-day cigarette.

The “God Is” rapper got real about his struggles with porn addiction and how it started at a very early age.

“Playboy was my gateway into full-blown pornography addiction. My dad had a Playboy left out at age 5, and it’s affected almost every choice I made for the rest of my life,” he shared. From age 5 to now, having to kick the habit. And it just presents itself in the open, like it’s OK. And I stand up and say, you know, it’s not OK.”

“That Playboy that I found when I was 5 years old was written all over the moment that I was at the MTV Awards with the Timberlands, the Balmain jeans -- before people were rocking Balmain jeans and the Hennessy bottle,” West said [at the 29-minute mark].

“My mom had passed a year before, and I said, ‘Some people drown themselves in drugs. And I drown myself in my addiction.’ Sex. That’s what fed the ego, too. Money, clothes, cars, accolades, social media, paparazzi photos, going to Paris fashion week, all of that.”

As he continues on his spiritual journey, he wanted everyone who worked on his Jesus Is King album to abstain from premarital sex, which is one of the ten commandments, and to fast.

"There were times where I was asking people to fast during the album. There were times when I was asking people not to have premarital sex while they were working on the album," he said. "There's times when I went to people who were working on other projects to just focus on this [his album]."

Hmm...if you were on Yeezy's team would follow suit?

The Chi-town rapper said he's living for God and plans on spreading the gospel just like he did with the sinful things he used to partake in.

"Now that I’m in service to Christ, my job is to spread the gospel, to let people know what Jesus has done for me. I’ve spread a lot of things," he said in the interview. "There was a time I was letting you know what high fashion had done for me, I was letting you know what the Hennessy had done for me, but now I’m letting you know what Jesus has done for me, and in that I’m no longer a slave, I’m a son now, a son of God. I’m free."

"The most space that I had to think is when I went to the hospital. One of the things that happened when I went to the hospital is I started reading the Bible and I started writing and copying out Bible verses and a person came to my house that wasn’t a Christian and told me come over, and 30 minutes later I was in handcuffs headed to the hospital. Now this person very well may have saved my life because when you’re in an episode you could jump off the side of a balcony you can stab your eye out you can do a lot of things when you’re ramped up like that, but one of the things that people do now is they try to discriminate against my mind and my thoughts because of that moment."

He gives all credit to the Lord for his transition:

“With God, I’ve been able to beat things that had a full control of me,” he said.

Oh, and he wouldn't be Ye if he didn't stroke his own ego heavy:

"I am unquestionably, undoubtedly the greatest human artist of all time. It's just a fact."

He sounds like his homie Trump.

At one point, he talked about becoming president of the United States.

”Every one of these guys that are founders now have to look me eye-to-eye. Every founder on the planet. There will be a time when I will be president of the United States. And I will remember, I will forgive, but I will remember every founder who didn’t have the capacity to understand culturally what we were doing.”

When asked if he's running in 2024, he said he's working on some things.

Peep his full interview below:

In another interview...

  “I’m not looking for your validation I’m only looking for God’s validation I don’t care about what black Twitter got to say...” @kanyewest x @BigBoy interview here https://t.co/rJNPLJPpXe #JesusIsKing @BBNcrew pic.twitter.com/iLcEmfizc4

— REAL 92.3 LA (@Real923LA) October 25, 2019

  Kanye West continued his "I'm now a Christian or whatever will get me the most followers and profit" tour with Power 92.3's Big Boy where he talked about mental health, finding God, his new album and more. They got on the topic about validation and the rapper made it clear he doesn't care what Black Twitter thinks about what he's doing. When asked about if he cares what White Twitter thinks, he's mood changed totally. Peep the clip above.

Below are few more clips from their interview:

  “Waaaake UP Mr.West wake up culture everybody think they so woke...Hip Hop ain’t ever been about following rules” @kanyewest x @BigBoy interview at 7:20am @BBNcrew tune in! #JesusIsKing pic.twitter.com/A8oEbQbDuK

— REAL 92.3 LA (@Real923LA) October 25, 2019

    Big Boy: Are you afraid of losing your audience Ye? @BigBoy

Kanye: I told you I’m only afraid of GOD, I’m afraid of my daddy, God. @kanyewest

Full interview @ 7:20am @BBNcrew tune in!#JesusIsKing pic.twitter.com/KPn9nczPdk

— REAL 92.3 LA (@Real923LA) October 25, 2019

    “I rather deal with somebody that call me an N-word to my face” @kanyewest on slavery his support for Trump & finding freedom. Tune in at 7:30am @BBNcrew @BigBoy #JesusIsKing pic.twitter.com/rEJlFJttDB

— REAL 92.3 LA (@Real923LA) October 25, 2019

    “Last year y’all try to tell me who I’m suppose to vote for because I’m black now this year white liberals are trying to tell me who to vote for because I’m Christian” @kanyewest interview at 7:30am @BBNcrew @BigBoy #JesusIsKing full article here https://t.co/LrvT9FuSZW pic.twitter.com/uoWbngg6HH

— REAL 92.3 LA (@Real923LA) October 25, 2019

  Check out the full interview below with the man who calls himself "the most taented human alive":

    EXTRAS:

1. Felicity Huffman was released from prison today, three days earlier than her 14-day sentence. STORY

Photos: Getty/Instar

[Read More ...] source http://theybf.com/2019/10/25/kanye-west-says-god-delivered-him-from-porn-addiction-asked-%E2%80%98jesus-is-king-team-to-not-ha

[skollwolf]

we’re doing one of these folks

WAS TAGGED BY: @mogblin (+ @benthicpressure kinda)

TAGGING: look if y’all wanna do this thing then I am tagging you go go go (it’s nearly midnight and I’m doing this sleepily, tagging people is effort)

RULES: ANSWER THESE 85 STATEMENTS AND TAG some folks i guess

THE LAST:

1. DRINK: choco milk

2. PHONE CALL: probably Ris @blazingfirecrotch when she was trying to tell me she got lost in the parking lot next to mine 3. TEXT MESSAGE: Cal probably? idk 4. SONG YOU LISTENED TO: uhh I’m going to have to plead guilty to having just listened to taylor swift’s new music video because it was so fuckin bad, so that song 5. TIME YOU CRIED: magnus wanted to make her proud folks

6. DATED SOMEONE TWICE: nope 7. KISSED SOMEONE AND REGRETTED IT: i too was once sixteen.  so. 8. BEEN CHEATED ON: nope 9. LOST SOMEONE SPECIAL: yes 10. BEEN DEPRESSED: haha...yeah 11. GOTTEN DRUNK AND THROWN UP: see also: i was once sixteen.

3 FAVOURITE COLOURS:

12. blue 13. black 14.  probably like...grey

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. MADE NEW FRIENDS: yup 16. FALLEN OUT OF LOVE: never 17. LAUGHED UNTIL YOU CRIED: the fictional character of taako exists and means everything to me so like...probably 18. FOUND OUT SOMEONE WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU: i guess at work sort of?  but that was just a generally bad work environment and not aimed at me in specific 19. MET SOMEONE WHO CHANGED YOU: I don’t think so.  I’m pretty settled in myself right now I guess?  Like I feel like I’m kind of getting to be the adult I wanted to be, and other, new friends can slot into that but not necessarily change me easily.  I’m mostly changing myself i think.  anyway it’s midnight. 20. FOUND OUT WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE: i already know 21. KISSED SOMEONE ON YOUR FACEBOOK LIST: insofar as my fiance is on my facebook friends list and is the only person i kiss at this point in my life, yes

GENERAL:

22. HOW MANY OF YOUR FACEBOOK FRIENDS DO YOU KNOW IN REAL LIFE: 100% 23. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS: i have a small baby son named Sterling who’s a dumb cat and he means the world to me. 24. DO YOU WANT TO CHANGE YOUR NAME: i would like to alter my legal name so that it’s...actually my name, yes. 25. WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOUR LAST BIRTHDAY: uhh i think my family came to visit? i kinda lost track of my birthday this year seeing as i proposed to my then-boyfriend-now-fiance several days before my birthday 26. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP: 6am by accident whoops 27. WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT MIDNIGHT LAST NIGHT: discussing danganronpa i think? 28. NAME SOMETHING YOU CAN’T WAIT FOR: actually having my new job clear me to work on site, marrying the goob, the dragon age series in generally to feed my need for more dorian  29. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR MOM: a few months ago i think? 31. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW: nothing but i have a song off the moana soundtrack stuck in my head so probably that’s up next 32. HAVE YOU EVER TALKED TO A PERSON NAMED TOM: i worked with one all of this past year 33. SOMETHING THAT IS GETTING ON YOUR NERVES: fuckin work being ambiguous about my on-site start date like jesus please stop feeding my anxiety disorder like this

34. MOST VISITED WEBSITE: tumblr, youtube and ao3 are probably all in contention

35. HAIR COLOUR: medium brown i guess 36. LONG OR SHORT HAIR: one side is considerably shorter than the other but both sides are too fuckin long right now.  and by too fuckin long i mean it reaches my shoulders and that’s illegal 37. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON SOMEONE: i’m going to marry some guy so i sincerely hope so 38. WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: the work i’ve put into being a good adult, and am still putting in. 39. PIERCINGS: my ear piercings refuse to close despite my best efforts so that i guess 40. BLOOD TYPE: i’ve literally been told this like eight million times and forget it each and every time 41. NICKNAME: jay, jules, jaj 42. RELATIONSHIP STATUS: super engaged.  engayged. 43. ZODIAC: aries

44. PRONOUNS: he/him 45. FAVOURITE TV SHOW: uhhh uh uh sense8 steven universe and brooklyn 99 tho like i’m a season behind on all of those oops

46. TATTOOS: i’ve got plans but no actual tattoos atm 47. RIGHT OR LEFT HANDED: right 48. SURGERY: a fuckin bunch of teeth out over the years.  so many teeth.  you could reassemble half of a human mouth out of the combo of baby and adult teeth that i’ve had removed, and it would be very creepy 50. SPORT: karate and fencing back in the day, football or hockey if i’m watching on tv 51. VACATION: we went to new hampshire not that long ago 52. PAIR OF TRAINERS: if this is about shoes then my combat boots are always my fave, i guess

MORE GENERAL:

53. EATING: just had some fucking maple syrup and brown sugar oatmeal and i am content.  if this is about favorite foods, then anything american-chinese food is good by me 54. DRINKING: still choco milk 55. I’M ABOUT TO: sleep 56. WAITING FOR: job stuff. 57. WANT: to play @benthicpressure’s d&d campaign i waaaant it 58. GET MARRIED: yeah! soon ideally! 59. CAREER: the dream is video game streaming/writing fiction but like realistically anything that makes a living?  working as a pa maybe. 60. HUGS OR KISSES: both but the latter only from uno human 61. LIPS OR EYES: eyes 62. SHORTER OR TALLER: if this is a romantic thing, then yes, my partner is significantly taller than me, and yes, it is immensely helpful when things are on high shelves 63. OLDER OR YOUNGER: i’d say older generally but like my partner is very slightly younger than me so eh 64. NICE ARMS OR NICE STOMACH: arms 65. HOOK UP OR RELATIONSHIP: the latter 66. TROUBLEMAKER OR HESITANT: depends on my mood and where i am i guess.

HAVE YOU EVER:

67. KISSED A STRANGER: ye 68. DRANK HARD LIQUOR: ye 69. LOST GLASSES/CONTACT LENSES: oh god ye 70. TURNED SOMEONE DOWN: uh not formally, no.  i don’t think i’ve ever been asked out in as many words in my life.  i did gently let down a few people who were dancing around asking i guess 71. SEX ON THE FIRST DATE: even when i was sixteen sex and dating were things i did that were distinct experiences, and without any overlap.  and once i combined the two we did not have sex on the first date and that was hopefully my last first date so like...nah i guess 72. BROKEN SOMEONE’S HEART: no one ever told me if i did.  i had some messy breakups but i don’t think it hit heartbreak level for either my partners or myself 73. HAD YOUR HEART BROKEN: yup 74. BEEN ARRESTED: nope 75. CRIED WHEN SOMEONE DIED: ....yes of course 76. FALLEN FOR A FRIEND: yeah.  pretty much exclusively, like...isn’t everyone you love a friend first?

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

77. YOURSELF: makes the handwavy motion

78. MIRACLES: nope 79. LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT: only for cute animals otherwise...no, that’s not how i understand love. 80. SANTA CLAUS: i’m not only a full grown adult but also a jew 81. KISS ON THE FIRST DATE: yep i have done that 82. ANGELS: i mean the torah tells me my ancestors wrassled ‘em so

OTHER:

84. EYE COLOUR: brown/black 85. FAVOURITE MOVIE: look i will fight anyone who makes me pick just one favorite

#ask meme #long post

[imascientistofmusic]

Im a huge fucking nerd

final LYRICS FOR ENDOLPHINS AND MC FOUCAULT EP Welcome to Kirby’s Memeland (MILLIPEDES FOR THE MOLEMEN) Got it so hot y'all give me standing ovations while I'm spamming the squat[1] like my whole family's Croatian if my dad's Jackie Chan[2] am I Hispanic or Asian? please understaånd this equation ()[3] me no panic just blazing at any random location i’m your romantic liaison killa Beys in formation[4] the doctor's[5] now handling patients I put the wots in tarnations[6] I put the spots on dalmatians I move the block with my cadence Now time just stops when i say shit But the beat goes on cause i made it Alex Strong[7] in the paint and Singing So Long[8] to fake friends We can roll out the Save ends[9] Y'all kittens tryin my patience I need to find an oasis Pass me that blunt and i'll face it Why y'all stuntin so basic? Im kinda something like LASIK[10] take your quirk and erase it[11] If there's something to say then I'm Malcolm Little and Dakin[12] Welcome to Kirbys Memeland[13] Im a giant herbing with green hands[14] Defiantly serving up steamed hams[15] Yo shuhei hold up i got remands[16] Misery[17] in the moment Missouri in the mornings[18] Mysteries in the motions Miss her seas in this ocean[19] (oh shit) ALL AT ONCE (HOW HARD JAMES HARDIN GOES WHEN HE GOES HARD IN THE PAINT) One day i’ll kill all the white men take back the land we’re missin[20] Im Diego's street art and they're banksy's vandalisms[21] Like the second coming of yeezus[22] and he's risen Built a religion for giant robots[23] called it animism[24] My flow is so fucking preposterous Patrol the land rarer than rhinoceroses[25] Get your heads out the sand yall lookin like ostriches Didn't kill the cat[26] but we checked it into hospice I know yr feeling that and baby one i got this My boys swing the bats like my last name was ausmus[27] Best rappers who aren't black you know i top the list prophets foretold my path (my birth) it was an (heavenly) auspice Imagine how hard james hardin[28] goes when he goes hard in the paint Well i go harder than that On my level you ain't I'm smart as The Bat[29] I'm like double your rank I just started to rap But the devil remains In the details im valued retail theyre resale[30] i'll continue my never ending quest to impress you[31] I’m obsessed with the things that pens do Allah bless this mess because i swear i intend to Decompress and recollect about fucked things that friends[32] do Parenthetically my memes are better than y’all’s Im aesthetically[33] hiding in vectors too small Interjecting my dreams while dissenting all leans[34] Exquisitely dining on minds here at the end of all things [35] We bout those movers and shakers We bustin loose of the matrix[36] I get my fruit at bodegas Im bound to move to NEW VEGAS[37] Matthew McConaughey (HARRY AND THE HUMAN CENTIPEDES) Another space time anomaly[38] An Interstellar[39] odyssey Alright alright alright Im Mathew McConaughey Im unfuckingstoppable the impossible possible The whole world's my hospital not a gd thing is inoperable[40] Credentials are laudable Essentially i got it all Took a look at the d And then called an audible[41] Obliterate any Obstacle Precipitate like waterfalls Instigate a kinder cause Evicerate a haunted ghoul[42] When i fucks with physics the laws get more lax my words carry weight like the world's biggest snorlax[43] Come at me son yr gonna need more VATS[44] carried this town[45] for So Long[46] im getting a sore back their love for me like a tree to the Lorax[47] My lyrics paint pictures so i call them a Rorschach[48] my bones are telling me bad weathers on the forecast a storm is rolling in this is the calm before that Past five centuries all of them regrettable[49] Just like entropy i am inevitable[50] I was meant to leave my head it was full Fundamentally i'm so far ahead of these fools Down five hennessy's trying just to deaden this pulse[51] Iron sentry's lining the edge of the mall[52] 100% dying to dismantle this wall[53] Johnny five empathy no disassemble this bot[54] Quintessentially im X at the head of this school[55] Intermittently you slept in my bed it was cool incidentally we had sex in the end of the pool Human centipede[56] that ass it was my edible[57] G.O.A.T. (NIETZSCHE DIDN’T KILL GOD, I DID) Like JD[58] I’m the GOAT[59] Billy[60] hashtag Swag[61]gert[62] Worlds most accurate fact checking rapper This is a game to me Chutes and ladders[63] Here's where the bangers[64] be girl you know i had ‘er My flow the yangtze[65] i spit venom black adders[66] Opposite of banksy[67] or some bullshit “all lives matter”[68] Fuck the president[69] that dude cant get any badder[70] Cooking up some poppy tea[71] mix it up like cake batter HEY DON'T LOOK AWAY DON'T LET IT GROW ON YOU IT'S NOT OK Engrave the following on my headstone: “They[72] died getting head stoned peepin Tombstone[73] While eatin a tombstone pizza[74]" I’ve gone full blown nietzsche[75] said hello to the abyss "it was good to meet ya"[76] Behind this mask's a terrifying creature[77] Who would gladly cook you up and eat ya Every track i’m on mc foucault's the feature Threat level dragon[78] when im hittin the road again Like shang tsun out here looking for some souls to bend[79] Other rappers words are last years memes im so over them Like neil in the 80s its the weight of the world im shoulderin'[80] Tho ive been there once couldnt tell you where denver starts and boulder ends[81] Rockin california fishes like them pennsylvania colder pens[82] I spit fire like dylon[83] and i left the studio smolderin Sitch is Dire like sylons you used to know as older friends[84] Minds expired with prions[85] when i take theirs skulls and open em Im entirely high on the spirit taking time up and folding it[86] unlike battery acid im so hella caustic[87] Such flattering assets with a tongue so toxic Made saturn's rings spin on a cosmic cross stitch My staggering spit it god agnostic[88] [1] “Why do Slavs squat?” is a satirical catchphrase associated with imageboards and forums discussing Eastern European people and cultures http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/why-do-slavs-squat-slav-squat [2] My dad and jackie chan are aging to look like the same person [3] I use medical marijuana to treat anxiety [4] Beyonce - Formation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WDZJPJV__bQ [5] My initials are DRB and so many folks call me Doctor or Doctor B [6] “What in Tarnation?” is a rhetorical question meaning “what in damnation?”, which is often associated with Americans living in the Southern United States expressing incredulous bewilderment. http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/what-in-tarnation [7] Drummer of Endolphins and one of the progenitors of this particular beat [8] So Long is my queerpop band SoLongNaota.Bandcamp.com [9] A saving throw in D&D http://dnd4.wikia.com/wiki/Saving_throw [10] Corrective laser eye surgery [11] Boku No Hero Academia character Shota Aizawa “eraser head” who’s special power is erasing others’ special powers http://bokunoheroacademia.wikia.com/wiki/Shota_Aizawa [12] Church of The Three Cats is at the corner of Malcolm X (born Malcolm Little) and Dakin in Lansing, Michigan [13] Gamboy title Kirby’s Dreamland but with memes [14] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Green_Giant but with Weed [15] Simpsons shitpost classic http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/steamed-hams [16] Once I beat magic the gathering hall of famer Shuhei Nakamura in a Grand Prix with a timely remand [17] The first Endolphins release was called North of Misery as a nod to their being in Iowa [18] In 2015 I toured with Endolphins and had two amazing mornings in St Louis, s/o to KPAX and calcifer [19] Sometimes you meet someone who forever changes the way you think about things like water, and then you drown in thoughts never actually able to grasp anything completely again [20] im native as fuck http://www.corteidh.or.cr/tablas/24777.pdf [21] Artist Diego Rivera vs Banksy [22] Kanye West's ego messiah and eponymous album [23] giant robot anime trope for example: neon genesis evangelion, flcl, gundam... [24] Animism but with Anime https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Animism [25] Rhino’s are near extinct everywhere https://www.savetherhino.org/rhino_info/rhino_population_figures [26] Slang for giving a person with a vagina multiple orgasms [27] Detroit Tigers skipper Brad Ausmus [28] James Hardin is a professional basketball Superstar [29] Comic book protagonist Batman [30] Price you get for selling an item new (retail) vs used (resale) [31] A certain person who since i have met has inspired most of my creative endeavors [32] See directly above [33] in a way that gives pleasure through beauty [34] biases [35] Comic book character Galactus, Eater of Worlds https://marvel.com/universe/Galactus [36] 1999 science fiction film The Matrix [37] 2010 video game Fallout: New Vegas [38] My favorite Star Trek trope [39] My favorite Matthew McConaughey film [40] See note #5 [41] In american football a quarterback will notice something about the defense and change the play at the line of scrimmage, this is called an audible [42] These are hearthstone cards [43] Snorlax is a very large and heavy pokemon that can only be moved by playing a special flute [44] Vault-tec assisted targeting system in Fallout video game franchise, the more skill points one has the more they can do in combat before an enemy reacts [45] I have been a pillar of the diy community in lansing michigan for 20 years [46] So Long Naota/Collective see note #8 [47] Dr Seuss character who is the protector of nature [48] The Rorschach test is a psychological test in which subjects' perceptions of inkblots are recorded and then analyzed using psychological interpretation, complex algorithms, or both. [49] Since Europeans have arrived on the shores of North and South America they have brought only misery and genocide [50] The second law of thermodynamics requires that, in general, the total entropy of any system can't decrease other than by increasing the entropy of some other system. Hence, in a system isolated from its environment, the entropy of that system tends not to decrease. [51] Drinking is a mostly self destructive behavior for myself and I tend to only do it when i wish to self harm [52] Episode 3 of the 1997 anime Beserk [53] Fuck borders fuck walls freedom is not possible when they exist [54] 1986 film Short Circuit about a robot that gains sentience and learns of death the term for which is dissassemble [55] Professor Xavier from the X-Men comics who runs a school for Mutants [56] 2009 Dutch body horror film Human Centipede tells the story of people sewn mouth to ass [57] Analingus [58] The Mountain Goats frontman John Darnielle or JD aka thrashkitten member of the sooper swag project [59] GOAT (Greatest Of All Time) is a term used in hip hop to talk about the best rappers ever [60] A billy is a male goat [61] #swag is a song by rapper GMCFOSHO who is a friend of mine [62] Jimmy Swaggert was a televangelist who was defrocked for multiple prostitution scandals [63] Chutes and Ladders is a metaphor for life. As such, it is arguably the most philosophical of all children's board games. Based on the ancient Indian game Snakes and Ladders. The historic version had root in morality lessons, where a player's progression up the board represented a life journey complicated by virtues (ladders) and vices (snakes). [64] Banger is a term for a particularly moving composition [65] The Yangtze is the longest river in Asia and the third-longest in the world. The river is the longest in the world to flow entirely within one country. [66] A venomous snake that lives in europe and east asia, also a nod to the lyric earlier about chutes and ladders (snakes and ladders) [67] “Some have criticised the "obviousness" of Banksy's work, and accused it of being "anarchy-lite" geared towards a middle class "hipster" audience.” [68] A slogan used to silence the #blacklivesmatter movement [69] Donald Trump [70] 1998 Arcade game Bad Dudes vs Dragon Ninja later ported to the Nintendo Entertainment System known widely for its intro cut scene in which the protagonists are asked if they are bad enough dudes to save the president [71] Poppy tea is any herbal tea infusion brewed from poppy straw or seeds of several species of poppy. For the purpose of the tea, dried pods are more commonly used than the pods of the live flower. The walls of the dried pods contain opiate alkaloids, primarily consisting of morphine. [72] I am non-binary and use they/them pronouns [73] 1993 Western Tombstone starring kurt russel and val kilmer [74] Very cheap frozen pizzas of dubious quality [75] Nietzsche claimed the death of God would eventually lead to the loss of any universal perspective on things, and along with it any coherent sense of objective truth [76] Nietzsche once said: “Beware that, when fighting monsters, you yourself do not become a monster... for when you gaze long into the abyss. The abyss gazes also into you.” [77] Nietzsche also said: “All great things must first wear terrifying and monstrous masks in order to inscribe themselves on the hearts of humanity.” [78] 2015 Anime and Manga One Punch Man’s shout out to Neon Genesis Evangelion describing a monster that is a threat to multiple cities [79] 1992 Arcade Fighing game Mortal Combat’s main villain who stole people's souls [80] Neil Young's sleeper Weight of The World from his amazing foray into new wave on his criminally unheralded album Landing on Water [81] I visited colorado for the first time on tour with Endolphins and tho enjoyable it was mostly mountains and urban sprawl and legal weed [82] The 2016 battle for Lord Stanley’s cup between NHL’s Pittsburgh Penguins and [83] Chappell show sketch about Dylon who thought he was the GOAT because “dylon spit hot fire” [84] Battlestar Galactica plot twist [85]Kuru is a very rare, incurable neurodegenerative disorder that was prevalent among the Fore people of Papua New Guinea. Kuru is caused by the transmission of abnormally folded prion proteins, which leads to symptoms such as tremors, loss of coordination, and neurodegeneration. Most people who develop it are cannibals [86] The quantum physics theory of time travel [87] Acids are corrosive and bases are caustic [88] God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. How shall we comfort ourselves, the murderers of all murderers? What was holiest and mightiest of all that the world has yet owned has bled to death under our knives: who will wipe this blood off us? What water is there for us to clean ourselves? What festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we have to invent? Is not the greatness of this deed too great for us? Must we ourselves not become gods simply to appear worthy of it? — Nietzsche, The Gay Science, Section 125,