utterlyhopeful-fics

[utterlyhopeful-fics]

don't let me down | azriel x reader

summary: fifty beautiful years you and azriel had spent together, and fifty and more he had promised to you. but when azriel meets the mate he never thought he would, he’s left to grapple with making a decision that may hurt the one person he’d never imagine he could. 

warnings: cheating (ish? not really? for like, a very brief moment at the beginning!), major angst

wc: 3.1

a/n: i didn’t intend to make azriel a cheating bastard but i kind of did at the beginning </3 nothing descriptive or crazy, he just meets his mate and doesn’t tell for a few days 

-

He shouldn’t be here, he knows that much. Despite that recognition, the allusive Shadowsinger pushed the glass door open anyways. When a familiar bell chimes above the door, an unusual quickening of his heartbeat occurs. He needs to turn around and leave, his mind insists, but when his own shadows seem to betray his thoughts and push him to move forward, he listens. 

One step in front of the other, Azriel continues, until he finds himself face to face with the person he hasn’t been able to rid of since their first meeting. A person he knows isn’t you, a whisper of a doubt plagues him. This isn’t like him. He isn’t this person, he tells himself. But when the woman in front of him flashes a kind smile, the thought evaporates. 

“Hi,” her melodic voice reaches him. 

“Hi there,” his own gruff voice speaks, unable to stop the hint of a smile that graces the corner of his lips.  

-

Azriel stumbled into the cafe one evening by sheer obligation. 

It was some random, obscure mission. Rhysand never felt as though it was particularly necessary to dabble in the manners of the mortal world, but Feyre had some insatiable pregnancy craving. A treat from her past live that she used to enjoy long ago, before her family had lost their fortune. Despite the critically acclaimed chefs and magical conjurings of her High Lord husband, the woman had yet to be satisfied, claiming she needed the dessert from one specific family shop. 

By the looks of Rhysand when Azriel appeared at their doorstep in the middle of the night, he takes it his friend’s attempt at saying no to the woman who was having a particularly difficult second pregnancy did not go to well. Azriel set off within the next hour to the human lands. 

It was where he met her. Evelyn was her name. Evie was what she liked to be called. He swore his heart did somersaults when it rolled off her lips in introduction. 

The emotions left him floored at the time. Where was his self-control? In the moment, he returned to the thought of you, tucked in your shared bed, where he pressed a soft kiss to your head before slipping out the doors. But then, she had asked him for his name, and the word tumbled from his lips before he could process it. And from there, despite acquiring the pastries he was requested to retrieve, his feet stayed floored to the cool tiles of the bakery. Before he knew it, he had spent his entire day in there. From closing to opening, it was slow, and Azriel, unlike his usual-self, stayed to simply talk to the human woman. 

And at the end of the night, he walked her to her car. He thanked her, he recalls, for the food. She returned the sentiment, thanking him for the company. For a moment, the two of them stood there, staring at each other. It was dark out, the only light casted upon them now was the street lamp that was dangerously dim. She gave him one final smile, hand coming to rest on the bicep of his arm and it just…snapped. 

It shook him from the inside out, and a low gasp was let out. It was a warming sensation, spreading from his chest to the tips of his extremities and it was all-consuming of him. It was too much, he realized as he looked back up at her face, now scrunched in concern. 

Before she could ask him what was wrong, he fled. 

Miles away and miles away, his body screamed at him to turn back and go to her. His shadows pulled him backwards, but he refused, fighting against their force. His chest ached the further the distance grew, and his flying was sporadic as he failed to push the sound of her sweet laughter from his mind. Finally, he landed shakily at the front of your shared apartment door. The trek home was all but a blur to him, and now here he was, at his apartment. Your shared apartment. His home with you. 

“Oh Gods,” Azriel breathed. How could he forget about you? A sickening wave of nausea casted over him in that moment, and he hunched over to empty the contents of his stomach into the peonies you fuzzed over so much. 

Azriel couldn’t stand to face you that night.  

-

The next morning he had casted some excuse about how Rhysand had sent him on back to back missions and it had preoccupied his time longer than he expected. “I’m sorry, love,” he had said, tucking a small strand of hair behind your ear, gently caressing your cheek. 

But soon after, he kept disappearing. Day after day he would leave your bed early enough in the mornings that his side would be cold to your touch when you woke, and return in the dead of the night when you’ve long gone fallen asleep. 

“Work has been a lot,” he said the first time you asked, eyes shining with curiosity, and a tad bit of anger as well.  

“You know Rhys has been taking a step back, focusing on Feyre,” he reassured on the fourth night, when you stayed up to wait for his return. 

“It’ll be over soon, I promise,” he wrote on a note and left on your bedside on the sixth night when Mor told him how agonized you’ve been over his behavior. 

You weren’t sure how long you would’ve tolerated his behavior for before you would’ve lost it. Maybe a few weeks, you guess. Afterall, Azriel has been known to get himself into moods before. His past was complicated, the challenges of his trauma continue to haunt him despite the years that have come and gone. You knew better than anyone that sometimes Azriel just needed space. Sometimes he just needed to work it out of his system. 

How badly do you wish that that was the truth. 

-

The silence between the two of you was suffocating. Only the sound of ticking coming from the analog clock the two of you have hung above the fireplace mantel echoed throughout the room. But it’s not as if you hear it anyways. No, the roaring of blood rushing in your ears and your thunderous heartbeat are much too loud. 

The fabric of the plush sofa you and Azriel had picked out together after the first week of moving in together scratches against the back of your arms, irritating your skin. But you can’t move. You’re frozen, stuck in place. You don’t think you even remember how to breathe. 

You can only stare at the photo frame atop the coffee table. It’s an old picture, taken, Gods, too many years ago for you to even remember now. 40 years ago? You don’t know. You and Azriel beamed brightly at the camera, a twinkle in your eyes that have now since faded. You wonder if you knew then, what you do now, if you would’ve stayed.

“Please say something,” Azriel’s voice drifts across the room. His voice is small, quite unlike him, as he pleads for your response. 

You can’t stand to look at him. Throat dry, your voice light as you ask, “What am I to say?” Azriel shuffles uncomfortably, dropping the arms crossed over his chest as he pushes off the wall. You let out a quiet laugh. “You’ve…found your mate.” 

That’s where he’s been. While you’ve spent the last few nights, tossing and turning in your all too-big bed without him by your side, he was with…her. The realization makes you close your eyes, tears welling as your heart constricts tightly in your chest. He was with her. 

“What can we do?” The couch dips besides you as Azriel takes a seat. 

You scoff and turn your face away from him, tears shining brightly as the midafternoon sun shines into them through your large arched window. “‘What can we do?’” you repeat him mockingly, voice monotone. “I hadn’t realize this was a we decision, Azriel.” 

His troubled sigh reaches your ears, and when his tentative hand reaches out to touch your arm, you jerk away from him, continuing to refuse to meet his eye. He flinches at your cold behavior, but withdraws. After a moment, Azriel says with conviction, “You are my love.” You wipe the tear that falls. “We have been through the worst of it,” you feel him shake his head. “You are my partner in everything. I would lay my life down for you, and promised it to you. Of course this is a we decision, Y/n.” 

You refuse to reply. 

“Y/n, please,” Azriel begs, and you hear the crack in his voice. “I hadn’t expected this, I couldn’t have known. A choice is to be made here and I—”

“Oh, you’ve been making plenty choices,” you hiss at him. The decision to hide this, the decision to continue to see her, the decision to abandon you all these nights. Your hands begin to shake at the thought and more tears begin to fall, a mixture of anger and deep sadness. 

A week is nothing in the eyes of an immortal and yet, you know that deep down, these mere few days will continue to haunt you for the rest of your eternity. You will never move past this. 

When Azriel fails to conjur a response, you scoff and exit the room, no longer able to bear the weight of the conversation. 

-

Day bled into night, and night into day. 

You and Azriel have yet to exchange words since his initial confession, but he’s here, and he believes that it must count for something. 

In silence, the two of you begin to make the bed that you shared together the night before. The few inches of space you made sure to keep between the two of you as you laid in silence for hours felt like miles to Azriel. His heart longed to reach out and touch you, to hold you. Even his shadows began to miss your loving hands despite their traitorous thoughts only days before. But they both had no right. And so he stuck to watching your back all night, praying that you’d cave and turn around to face him. You didn’t. 

“Y/n…” he begins. You don’t even acknowledge him. The coexistence was killing him. “Hey,” he reaches over the bed to grab your hand that was agitatedly fluffing the pillows. His contact burns your skin, and you flinch away from him. You wonder where else he’s laid those hands, who he’s laid them on and suppress a shiver snaking up your spine.

Azriel shrinks back in understanding. He hates to do this, but Cassian has been covering for him for the past two weeks. Rhysand has become suspicious. With regret, he attempts to deliver with the most earnest tone he can. “I have to go to the House of Winds today. Rhys has been requesting my presence.” His chest aches at the manner in which you wince. He knows what must be going through your mind, and he insists, “I’ll be back in a few hours. I just need to check in with Rhy, that’s all.” 

Unsurprisingly, you don’t reply. 

“You know where to find me,” he promises, as if you’d believe him. 

-

Rhysand could not say a word in response to Azriel’s predicament, his eyes widening for a mere second before he entered into a moment of silence and a look of calculation overtook his features. Elbows on his desk, face in the palm of his hands, Rhys takes his time to just observe Azriel, who was beginning to grow uncomfortable with the unrelenting attention. 

Before Azriel could stand with irritation and yell at his friend to “forget it,” Rhysand finally speaks. 

“Well,” the High Lord states, leaning back in his chair with a look of humor on his face. “This certainly explains your absence.” His expression turns sympathetic as he takes in the lack of reception on Azriel’s face at his attempt at lightening the mood. “My instinct is to congratulate you, brother.” Rhys frowns at the way Az turns away. “But I understand your situation is…unique.” 

“I love Y/n,” Azriel persists. In an attempt to convince Rhysand or himself? Neither of them could truly tell. “And this other woman she…” the Shadowsinger sighs. “She’s just a human.” 

“Complicated indeed,” Rhys comments lightly, encouraging Azriel to continue. 

“I didn’t expect this to happen, Rhys,” Azriel explains gently. “I never imagined I’d…” he trails off, and though he hates to admit it, the sentence gleams with a sense of excitement, of hope. His companion could garner the same as he takes in Azriel’s words. 

“But I love Y/n,” he agonizes, hands dropping into the palms of his hands, his gaze finding the floor. 

Rhysand sighs. “Having a mate is…everything. It is unlike anything you could ever imagine,” his thoughts drift to Feyre, lips curling into a slight smile at the thought of his beautiful family. “It may not be what you expected, Az, but it is hardly a situation you can ignore. It’s fate.” Despite the advice not being what his friend hopes to hear, Rhysand felt an obligation to admit, “Love is rarely simple, Az. You have to make a choice now, for your future. What kind of love do you truly want?”

-

A year, Azriel requests. 356 days. 

He stands before you, stance stoic as though he is attempting to keep himself together, as if his words aren’t shredding you to your core. 

“What?” you let out breathlessly. It is all you can do, all that you can say in the face of such incredulity. 

“It’s only one year, that’s all I’m asking,” Azriel downplays the severity of what he’s asking, and you laugh utter disbelief. 

“Only?” you take a deep breath, willing yourself to curb the mix of anger and hurt swirling in your chest. “It is hardly a simply ask,” you seethe. 

He knows as much, he knows what an absolute slap in the face this is to you. But, “I need time,” Azriel pleads with you, hoping with every fiber in his being that any piece of you could understand. He knows it’s an unfair thought to have. 

A year is nothing to you and him, immortal beings meant to live until the end of time, but a year is much more to a human. Invaluable time for those who won’t even survive the length of your relationship with Azriel. Still, it was a cruel and purely selfish thought. Two things you would have never imagined the man before you to be. 

“The Mothers above have made a decision for me,” Azriel begins to explain. “One that you and I believed would never come into fruition and we made promises to each other on that basis.” You turn from him, beginning to walk away, unable to stand there and listen to him lecture you about what the Couldron has blessed him with. Azriel follows you, voice bleeding with desperation, “But things have changed.” 

The two of you move into the kitchen, and Az’s voice trails after you. “It changed and I need to know,” he grabs your arm, forcing you to turn around to face him, “I deserve to know!” 

Your chest heaves, tears lining your eyes as you will them not to fall. “Where is your loyalty?” you shout. “They call you the Shadowsinger, a man with strength that armys tremble in the face of, with power leaders of Pyrthian envy, and yet here you are,” you sneer at him. “Crumbling in the face of your own fate.” 

You rip your arm from Azriel, turning to grip the counter as you collect yourself. The thought of what he is asking of you truly settling in, and rage morphs into despair. Is this truly the extent of Azriel’s love? Were you truly this replaceable to him? 

Conflict and sorrow burns into the depths of Azriel’s core. He takes a step closer to you, hand coming to softly rest on your shoulder and you don’t have the strength to push him away. “Y/n, if I don’t do this, we’ll forever wonder.” His voice is just a whisper. “You deserve more than a love tainted with doubt and uncertainty. You deserve to be loved wholly. And I can’t promise you that without doing this.” 

Sobs begin to rack through you, unable to withstand it anymore. “How noble of you,” you laugh humorlessly. He prepares to utter apologies once more, but your shaky cries stops him. You stand, gently pushing him off of you. When you turn to face him, you’ve wiped all expression off your face, but your eyes shine with grief. “You want me to stand by, watch as you walk away, and wait for you as you love another? For my greater good, you say?” 

Azriel’s eyes mirror yours, and doubt flickers across his face for a moment, but you stop him before he speaks. 

“Don’t say another word.” You take a deep breathe, voice growing soft as you say, “Azriel if you choose to do this, I will not be here when you return.” 

“Y/n—” 

“I will not wait for you,” you say kindly, despite the ache in your chest. “But I will not ask you to stay. So the choice is yours, Az. What is it? Her or me?” 

In that moment, Azriel can do nothing but stand frozen, caught between the weight of two worlds. Hesitation grips him like a vice. What he believed to be the only resolution was now not an option at all. As he stares at you, the fear of losing you aches in him. 

You watch as his face scrunches in conflict, pain echoing in every line. Was the choice truly so difficult, you wonder. Did the years of passion and joy the two of you share compare lightly to the mere hours he spent with this human woman? The thought of not being enough for him haunts you. 

Laden with the burden of a decision that would shape the rest of his life, Azreil voice cracks as he painfully states, “I need to know.”

The disappointment in your eyes weighs him down. Your heart that was once so tightly bound to his sinks in your chest, physically hurting you as you let out a soft exhale. As the two of you stare at each other, you cannot find any other words except, “Then I hope you find what you’re looking for, Azriel.” 

And despite the heaviness dragging you down, the two of you share a wistful smile that doesn’t meet either of your eyes. A quiet farewell, for a love you’ve both lost. 

-

taglist: @acourtofwhatthefuck @ljaneyx @navyblue-eternity @impossibelle @cozyw0rdz @evye47 @aroseinvelaris

[utterlyhopeful-fics]

Second choice

Pairing: Azriel x reader 

Plot: you thought you had a great relationship with Azriel until you find out he only accepted the mating bond between the two of you because Rhysand forbade him from being with Elain. Will Azriel fix your now fractured relationship or lose you for good.

A/n I’m thinking of turning this into a series if you guys like it.

This wasn’t happening. You weren’t supposed to know the reason why Azriel had accepted the mating bond between the two of you. Yet here you were, tears in your eyes as Azriel tried to explain and beg for your forgiveness simultaneously. “Do you even love me?” you asked while Rhysand and Cassian watched the scene unfolding before them.

“Of course I do,” Azriel replied, “I thank the cauldron every day that they made us mates.”

“Yet a year ago, you were questioning the cauldron's decision of making Elain and Lucien mates,” you wrapped your arms around your stomach and tried not to throw up at the revelation, “I- I can’t believe it. If Rhysand didn’t stop you, would you have kissed Elain? Would you have tried to pursue a relationship with her, even though she was Lucien’s mate and you were mine?”

Both Rhysand and Cassian want to yell at their brother to say no, but when Azriel doesn’t say anything right away, they know their brother is digging his own grave. “Thank you for your honesty,” you turned to Rhysand, “Can you please take me far away from here. I can’t stand the sight of Azriel right now.”

That caused Azriel to snap out of the trance he was in and begin begging for you to stay. “No, I wouldn’t have done any of that. I love you, please, don’t go,” Azriel begged, but Rhysand just walked over to you and winnowed you away.

Azriel’s shadows went wild the moment you were gone, and Cassian let out an exaggerated sigh. “You need to find a way to fix this mess,” Cassian just shook his head and disappeared, leaving Azriel alone in the room.

[utterlyhopeful-fics]

As a slut for angst today “tolerate it” has been stuck on a loop and now I am imaging an angsty fic where Az just slowly begins to forget about reader and she threatens to leave but he doesn’t take her seriously and is so utterly destroyed when he comes back home and she’s gone…

Like I feel like it’s on brand with him and his duty to his job and whatnot. Plus the lyrics are so him coded “while you were out building worlds where was I” / “took this dagger in me and removed it” LIKE HELLO???

(But I also love a good happy ending so I feel like if azzy groveled hard enough… 👀)

Tolerate it.

Summary: She is fed up.

•○●⛦●○•

A/n: ehehehehehe angsttttt yummy yummyyyy

Enjoy!

•○🌑○•

Y/n laughed at Feyre's pathetic attempts at skipping the large puddle on the ground accumulated due to the rains that had Velaris freezing overnight.

Feyre failed miserably, her boots and leggings getting wet from the splash that signalled her downfall against the watery enemy of hers. But Feyre was not fazed. She simply laughed alongside Y/n, her eyes crinkling as the two of them made their way back to the river house.

It was visible already now, Y/n could even make out the grains in the wood of the door as it opened, and her brother in laws, along with her mate, spilled out.

Y/n could see from the corner of her eyes as her sister lit up at seeing her mate, her husband and the father of her child. The moment his eyes met her, she took off, her arms spread as she ran up to him and threw her arms around his neck. Rhysand did not hold back either, clutching Feyre to her chest with as much enthusiasm as she held him.

It made Y/n smile.

Y/n then glanced behind the embracing couple to her mate, the overwhelming urge to hug him too and to claim him in front of anyone watching making her start walking towards him without even realising.

Which was reckless, as the moment he realised she was walking towards him to hug him? He took a step back.

Y/n knew that he hated being affectionate in front of others, but this was cruel.

So to not get embarrassed by his rejection, Y/n turned swiftly towards Cassian, her other brother in law, who stood not too far from where Azriel did, and hugged him instead.

Cassian, Mother bless his heart, did not even question it.

He wrapped his arms around Y/n and literally lifted her off the ground, cackling when Y/n's fist made contact with his shoulder over and over again as she demanded to be put down.

Y/n had to stop herself from thinking back to that day. She did not want to relive the pain she had felt, the sadness and anger.

Y/n watched his eyes fluttering, wondering if he was dreaming. Wondering who he was dreaming about.

It definitely was not her, that was for sure.

Y/n, feeing a little sadness taking root in her heart, returned to the portrait in her hands, questioning if it would even be worth it finishing it up when he sure as hell wouldn't even acknowledge it. Or her.

Y/n glanced at the paint supplies she had placed on the coffee table next to her, having wanted to capture a moment of him letting his guard down, of him being vulnerable using her best paints, knowing he would not care.

She guessed living for as long as he had, life and the small things didn't matter as much anymore. Maybe that was why he loved to go on the missions Rhysand, Y/n's brother in law, gave him.

It probably gave him the thrill nothing else did anymore.

With Y/n's sister just having given birth to the starlight of the court, Rhys had become more and more protective, sending his brothers and anyone and everyone at his disposal to check and report about every trivial thing that made his primal mate and father side get protective.

Slowly, Y/n reached for the brush that rested in the cup half filled with coloured water, deciding to finish the half done portrait. If he did not care... she did not now what she would do then, but she did know she was tired of being tolerated by him.

But what could she even do? It was not like she could just up and leave.

Y/n blinked.

Or... could she?

Y/n shook her head, as if to dislodge the though, and with a sigh, she let herself get lost in the soft skill of painting her sister had taught her long ago, when staying up and huddling under worn blankets was the only thing bringing any warmth.

Trying not to think about the fact that the last time she remembered him caring for her, genuinely caring for her, was only when the two had been in their early stages of relation ship and the mating bond was a very new experience to a newly made fae Y/n, she continued using the soft and strong, long and short strokes to finish up her latest masterpiece.

Of course, Y/n never would call herself a creator of masterpieces, but any and all art that included her perfect mate was destined to be a masterpiece.

Time lost its meaning, and all that mattered was capturing the perfect angle for his eyes, nose, lips, shoulder.

Nothing existed but Y/n, her art, and her muse.

Nothing existed but the soft rise and fall of his back as he lay sprawled on his stomach, the effortless way his wings draped across the whole bed, taking up space three wingless fae could have slept in.

Where Y/n would have slept in, on days when everything had been filled with stars and dreams, wrapped under his warm wing like it were a living blanket.

When he pretended he was nothing, absolutely nothing but her mate. Her husband. Not a spymaster, not a shadowsinger, not a brother. Just her mate, her lover.

Those days were far gone now.

•○🌑○•

Despite the fact that she knew he would most definitely not care, Y/n was excited.

And that was downplaying what she felt.

The wait was killing her, the amount of adrenaline in her bloodstream making her want to jump around to get rid of the energy that made her shiver, her limbs going cold and warm at the same time. She had to push her fists together and shove them between her thighs to keep them from shaking, which did not help at all.

So Y/n waited, her body clenched in anticipation as she stared at the doorway that led into the living room, a big grin on her face.

She glanced once at the sketchpad in front of her on the table, admiring her artwork for a moment.

She never liked whatever she made, always feeling like it lacked something. So for her to be excited to show off her art to her mate was a huge indication to how much she loved the portrait.

The familiar scuff of worn boots drew Y/n's attention, and she shot to her feet, pressing her fists to the back of her thighs.

It had become a habit of Azriel's, to purposefully make some noise before he stepped in view so as not to startle her with his appearance.

The action melted Y/n's heart every single time.

He stepped into view, as ethereal as the day Y/n had first seen him as a human, just as beautiful as he had looked that day as he tried to get comfortable on the small chair in the manor on the other side of the wall, just as loveable as that day when she had ended up losing her heart to the low born fae that should have intimated her.

He was fumbling with his armor, making sure it was all secured properly before he left for whatever mission Rhys assigned him for that day.

He glanced up just as he walked past Y/n to the kitchen counter, a small smile gracing his face before his attention was again diverted.

Y/n tried not to deflate at his lack of enthusiasm.

"Good morning love. Look-"

"Good morning Y/n." He cut her off, his voice void of emotions, as if he was tired of saying the same thing every morning and wanted to get it over with. He didn't even glance at Y/n as he said it, and Y/n pretended not to notice that he used her name instead of whatever endearing name he would have picked before.

"I will be on a scouting trip to Illyria, and after I have a meeting and dinner scheduled with Rhys and Cass, so I will be late coming home. Don't wait up."

Y/n's smile faded. "Don't wait up or stay out of my way?"

Azriel froze. "What?"

Y/n released a humourless laugh. "Nothing. Go have fun."

Azriel turned, giving her a hard look. "You know I would rather stay at home with you."

Doubtful.

Y/n so badly wanted to say it to his face, but she did not want to fight with him so early in the morning, so she sighed, smiled and nodded.

He started walking towards the door, and despite her anger, Y/n walked forward to kiss his cheek.

She did not miss how he recoiled.

Y/n masked the hurt before he could see it, and he gave her an awkward smile before he maneuvered to walk around her, careful not to brush against her.

Y/n watched him walk away, staring hard at the door even long after he'd left.

She then glanced at the portrait she had abandoned on the table, and, her heart hardening, turned away.

She was tired of having her love be tolerated, and she would not have it be that way anymore.

Either he accept her love the way it was, loud and clear, or he go find someone else.

And so, she turned, walked up the stairs to the bedchambers she shared with Azriel, and began to turn it back into just his bedchambers.

She would no longer be tolerated only because some godly entity thought she and him would make great, powerful kids and tied them together with a string.

She deserved to be cherished.

•○🌑○•

Taglist: @bubybubsters @eos-princess @nightless @harrystylesfan2686 @cassie6392 @kennedy-brooke @tele86 @miluiel1 @hnyclover @minnieoo @sidrapotter @piceous21 @mybestfriendmademe @saltedcoffeescotch @eve175

Azriel Taglist: @darthdumbasss @foreverrandomwritings @azrielsmate3 @celestialend

[utterlyhopeful-fics]

ACOTAR Masterlist

Azriel

Secret’s out

The orange peel theory

Off Limits

Rumor has it

Can you feel my heart breaking? Part two

His Hugs &lt;3

Hidden Family

Sisters Know Best

Her Touch

Damned if you do, Damned if you don’t

One Steps Forward, Two Steps Back

Begin Again

Jealousy, Jealousy

Confrontation

Jealous Mate

We’re going to be ok

Escaping Reality

Too Late (featuring Eris)

Training is in session

Cassian

Baby blues

Don’t go

Stay with me

Enchanted

Rhysand

Red

Not as it seems

Protecting his high lady

I think I wanna marry you

No one touches his high lady

Elain

Elain’s Lesbian Awakening

Mor

Seeing Red

Feysand x reader

Azriel x reader x Cassian

Two is better than one

[utterlyhopeful-fics]

Rumor has it

Pairing: Azriel x reader

Prompt: “Eyes on me baby.”

a/n this is an 18+ drabble. Also, my requests are open if you have any requests. I mainly write fluff and smut.

ACOTAR Masterlist

Was this actually happening? Were you actually having sex with Azriel in the bathroom at Rita’s? After weeks of you and Azriel shamelessly flirting, you found yourself having sex with the shadow singer against the wall.

You wanted to feel bad for the people on the other side of the door who were begging to be let in because they had to use the bathroom. It took Azriel threatening their lives for the people on the other side to finally stop complaining and quickly step away from the door. “That wasn’t nice Az” you warned. 

“Would you prefer we have an audience then?” Azriel replied; his scarred hands found themselves around your throat and lightly applied pressure. That move alone caused your eyes to roll to the back of your head. 

You were about to reply when he added: “I’m the only one who gets the privilege to see you like this.” Azriel let the hand that was wrapped around your throat slide down until it reached between your legs. His finger massaged your sensitive clit and finally triggered your orgasm.

“Eyes on me baby” Azriel ordered and, you obeyed him. “That’s it dove. Cauldron boil me; you feel so good”. Azriel gritted out as he felt you tightening around his cock. After a few more thrusts, Azriel finally finished inside you.

Azriel continued to thrust until his cock softened and finally pulled out. “I miss you inside me already,” you whimpered at Azriel’s action.

“Don’t worry y/n. We’ll continue this back home,” Azriel promised while you got dressed and made yourselves presentable again.

Everyone around you tried to avoid eye contact once you stepped out. You bit back a smile when Azriel playfully slapped your butt and told you he was going to grab the two of you a drink.

As soon as you sat down, Nesta started bombarding you with questions. “Is the rumor true?” Nesta asked.

You let out a sly smile: “A lady never tells,” you teased before adding “But I’m not a lady, so yes, it is so true”.

Nesta wanted to congratulate you, but just as she was, Azriel reappeared with drinks in his hands: “What are you ladies talking about?”.

“They’re talking about how big your dick is; by the way, Az, congratulations. Or should I be congratulating y/n for getting the pleasure of riding it?” Cassian replied and earned an eye roll from his mate.

“Trust me, Cass, I’m very honored to ride it. It truly is a work of art,” you responded while you stared into Azriel’s eyes.

Azriel growled at your statement: “Finish your drink now. We’re leaving”.

Your friends were about to tease Azriel for his order but didn’t get the chance to. As soon as you placed your empty glass on the table, Azriel swept you up and took you back home.

[utterlyhopeful-fics]

Can you feel my heart breaking? Part two

Pairing: Azriel x reader 

Plot: five months after Azriel discoveres you are his mate, the night court pays the day court a visit. What happens when Azriel discovers another male is making his intentions known that he wants to court you?

A/n I’m contemplating writing a part three (including smut) let me know if you guys are interested in it.

Part One

Acotar Masterlist

Send in Requests

It took everyone in the inner circle to physically stop Azriel from going after you when you left for the day court. After revealing that you already knew Azriel was your mate, Rhysand explained that you asked for some space. Azriel listened in horror as Rhysand detailed what you endured for the past year and a half. He couldn’t believe you bottled up all the pain you felt while you watched him love someone else.

Poor Elain started apologizing for being part of the reason you left and swore nothing ever happened between her and Azriel. Rhysand reassured her that you held no ill will towards her and you left to clear your head but that you would be back in a few months.

Rhysand begged Azriel to give you space while you process your emotions. “Rhys, please. I need to see her. I need to tell her that I know that I am her mate and that I want this mating bond.”

“No,” Rhysand said firmly: “You are also prohibited from traveling to the day court until she lets me know she’s ready”.

Azriel didn’t give up though, he sent out his spies into the day court and they gave him updates on your well-being. Every night they would report the same thing: you were fine, you were safe, and you were still staying with Helion despite your family living nearby. Over time, they would report that you were smiling more and having pleasant conversations with the people around the villages you would visit.

That brought a smile to the spymaster's face. He remembered how kind you were to everyone who crossed your path; even towards people who didn’t deserve your kindness.

One day though, one of Azriel’s spies informed him that there was a new general in the day court who had taken a liking towards you. They informed Azriel that this new general is actively seeking you out and gifting you small presents to win you over.

Panic started to take over Azriel’s body at the news. It never crossed his mind that someone else would try to court you while you were away. 

Azriel pleaded with Rhysand to visit the day court so he could see you. He told him what his spies had informed him and he was worried you might accept a courtship. Rhysand wanted to respect your wishes but he couldn’t bear to see his brother's desperate state anymore “ok, ok I’ll contact Helion and request if we can visit. But let me make one thing clear” Rhysand warned “You better hope whatever you have plan works out. I need y/n back home with us”.

Helion accepts Rhysand’s requests and extends an invitation to Rhysand and his inner circle to stay with him.

Azriel was on edge when they finally arrived at the day court and waited for you to come down and greet them. While they waited for you, Helion thanked Rhysand for sending you to him because in his words “you brought so much happiness to him and his people”.

Rhysand responded with “That’s why we love her so much. She’s like our own personal ball of sunshine. I don’t know what we would do without her.”

“You would survive” you teased and caught everyone’s attention “but it’s nice to know I make that much of an impact on you guys”.

Time seemed to stop for Azriel as he watched you make your way downstairs. That was until the unnamed general appeared by your side and whispered something in your ear. 

Jealousy surged through Azriel as he watched you playfully roll your eyes and giggle at whatever the general had said. “Control your anger,” Rhysand warned: “Do not jeopardize our alliance with the day court over his comments. Y/n has no interests in the general”.

Right at that moment you looked over at Azriel and sent him a concerning look. You were about to ask if something was wrong when Helion announced that it was time for dinner and guided everyone into the dining area.

Throughout dinner, Azriel couldn’t help but glance over at you. A smile appeared on his face as he took in your beauty. He couldn’t believe he completely overlooked you and was pining after the wrong female. He wanted to desperately tell you in front of everyone, especially in front of the general that had also been eye fucking you throughout dinner that he knew you were his mate.

He didn’t though. He knew it would be foolish to announce it in front of everyone and probably cause you to be embarrassed. He needed to do it when you were alone. 

Fortunately for him, that opportunity came sooner than he thought. “I’ll be right back, I need to use the washroom” you excused yourself and left the table. Azriel took the opportunity and excused himself as well before trailing after you.

Azriel patiently waited outside for you. His shadows went wild with excitement when you finally exited and quickly darted towards you. “Oh hello,” you squealed at the shadows running up and down your body.

“They missed you” Azriel explained and got your attention.

“Azriel” you whispered “what are you doing here? Why aren’t you eating with everyone else?”

“I needed to talk to you in private” Azriel replied and started making you feel nervous about what he might want to talk about. “Why didn’t you tell me you were my mate?” Azriel asked with desperation in his hazel eyes.

The question took you by surprise but you decided to answer it honestly: “Because you were in love with Elain,” you replied: “You were so in love that you questioned the cauldron's decision to make Lucien Elain's mate.” Azriel felt his heart stop at your explanation. He didn’t know that anyone heard his argument with Rhysand months ago about him thinking the cauldron made a mistake. “I thought if you found out I was your mate you would think the cauldron definitely made a mistake and that I was intended to be with Lucien and you with Elain. I just want you to be happy and if that means being with Elain then you have my blessing. But if you do proceed with courting her, I will be permanently moving to the day court.” You tried your hardest not to cry before continuing: “I can’t bear to be under the same roof when it happens”.

Sadness rippled through the bond and Azriel hated the fact that he was the reason behind it. “I don’t want Elain; I want you” Azriel pleaded. “I can’t live another second without you by my side.”

“It’s just the mating bond” you replied “It’ll fade away over time.”

“No it won’t” Azriel got closer and cupped your face “Do you need me to get on my knees for you? I’ll drop this instant if it means you forgive my actions. Listen, you don’t have to accept the mating bond right now if you don’t want to, but please allow me to show you how much I love you.”

Every part of you wanted to say no, you just got in a good place mentally and you didn’t want to have it destroyed again. Another part of you felt the desperation through the bond and wanted nothing more than to wrap your arms around Azriel. Letting out a shaky breath, you whispered: “Please don’t break my heart.”

Azriel took that as an invitation to lean in and kiss you. You felt yourself become one with Azriel as he deepened the kiss and started moving his hands up and down your body: “I’ll guard it with my life” Azriel replied; his lips hovering over your own “Thank you for trusting me with it”.

Just as Azriel was about to slip his hands under your dress, a loud cough caused you to pull away. Azriel looked over his shoulder and spotted the general glaring at the two of you: “My high lord is wondering if you will be joining us for dessert or are you two going to fuck instead.”

“Tell Helion that we will not be joining you guys,” you replied before looking up at Azriel: “Tell him that my mate and I are going to be in my room for the rest of the night.”

Azriel gave the general a wicked grin at your response before being pulled upstairs to your room. 

@willowpains

[utterlyhopeful-fics]

Too late

Pairing: Azriel x reader, Eris Vanserra x reader

Plot: you were Azriel's friends with benefits for the past five hundred years. Throughout that time, you developed feelings for him. Unfortunately, his heart belonged to Mor and then Elain shortly after. Will you allow yourself to suffer as he pines for another, or will you cut off your arrangement?

A/n I know I was supposed to write the other Azriel story but this idea popped up in my head and had to write it. Btw I’m accepting Eris Vanserra requests.

Warning: Straight-up angst (Sorry, not sorry).

Azriel has had dozens, if not hundreds, of lovers in the past five hundred years. Yet you were the one he loved to visit the most. It was mainly because you never begged him for anything more like his previous lovers. But just because you never asked him for anything more didn’t mean you didn’t want more than just sex.

You loved him so much, but you knew Azriel was in love with Mor. From whispers on the streets, they would say he would drop anything and anyone just so he could be with her. You often wondered if he would picture her while you two fucked. That, in turn, would cause your heart to break.

You thought for sure Mor would come around. Azriel was an attractive male, and any female would be a fool to reject him. You were proven when Azriel appeared at your door one night looking somber, saying he accepted the fact that he and Mor would be nothing more than friends. You were going to try and comfort him when he stocked over to you and pulled you into a passionate kiss. Every fiber of your body was telling you to pull away and turn him away. He was in a very vulnerable state, but as soon as his scared hands landed on your lower back, pulling you towards him, you gave in and let him have his way.

And he did, for six glorious months. Every night after finishing business for Rhysand, Azriel would appear at your door and stay until the early morning. You relished in the love and adoration Azriel would give you during sex that you thought he was starting to develop feelings for you.

Unfortunately, one night, he let it slip that he had been spending time with Elain for the past few months and hoped something might blossom between them. “Yes, I know she has a mate, but what if the cauldron was wrong. I mean, her two sisters were mated to my two brothers. I just feel like we’re meant to be together,” Azriel explained as he ran his fingers through your hair.

“You have a point,” you tried not to sound hurt at Azriel’s explanation, “You should go for it. Maybe she feels the same way.”

“I will, but first-” Azriel moved so he was on top of you again, “How about we continue what we started earlier.” You allowed yourself to enjoy this moment because you knew it was going to be the last time you would be together.

Since that night, you tried to avoid Azriel as much as possible. Always telling him you were busy or that you weren’t in the mood to do anything.

While he was hurt, Azriel understood and left you alone.

You didn’t see Azriel for three months. In that time, Azriel tried to get closer to Elain. He thought something might finally happen between them when she summoned him to her garden. 

Unfortunately, she called him to let him know she had accepted the mating bond with Lucien and was moving to the spring court. “I love him,” Elain explained, “I was scared about accepting the bond at first because I wanted to decide on my own who I wanted to love, but the more I spent time with him, the more I started genuinely falling in love with him. I’m telling you all of this because I know about your crush on me,” Azriel stiffened at Elain’s words, “I don’t feel the same way. I need you to know that I only ever seen you as a friend.”

“I understand,” Azriel muttered, “I hope you and your mate have a happy life together,” and left before Elain had a chance to respond.

Azriel needed to get away. He needed to go somewhere where he felt the safest, and that’s when he decided to go to your apartment. He knew there was a strong possibility that you might not be home, seeing as you weren't the last few times he tried to visit.

To his surprise, you opened the door after he knocked. “Azriel. What are you doing here?” you asked, placing your hand against your chest.

“I just needed to see you,” Azriel replied while he took in your appearance. Your hair was messy. Your cheeks were flush, and you were wearing a satin robe, “I-were you in the middle of something?”

“Yes, we were,” Azriel heard a familiar, irritating voice behind your door.

Azriel felt rage as he noticed the heir to the autumn court standing inside your apartment shirtless. “Why is he here? Why is he shirtless in your apartment?” Azriel needed to know even though he was dreading your response.

“You interrupted us in the middle of sex,” Eris stepped forward and placed his arm around your waist, “What do you want?”

Azriel tried to calm down as he tried to process what was happening, “How long has this been going on?”

“Two months,” you replied, “We met when I visited the autumn court for Rhysand, and we’ve been seeing each other ever since.”

“How come you haven’t said anything to anyone about you two,” Azriel asked as he grew angrier.

“We’ve kept it quiet because I don’t want my father finding out about her. As soon as he knows there’s going to be a target on her back and use her as leverage against me,” Eris answered for the both of you, “Do you wish for her to be used or harmed?”

Azriel found himself growing more and more frustrated with the scene that was in front of him. You and Eris? No. Anyone but him. “Can I speak to y/n in private?”

You looked over at Eris and gave a nod. Eris placed a gentle kiss on your lips before looking back at Azriel’s, “Don’t keep her too long.”

As soon as he was gone, Azriel reached out, and cupped your face, “Why him? Why Eris of all males? Why him?”

“Why not him?” you got out of his grasp, “He’s kind and caring and has made me his number one priority ever since we met.”

“Because of what he did to Mor,” Azriel argued.

You found yourself rolling your eyes at the sound of the female's name, “I’ve heard Eris’ point of view of the incident, and I’m more inclined to believe his version of events. Now, if we’re done talking-” 

“No, we’re not,” Azriel stopped you from closing your door, “Is he the reason you stopped seeing me? Has he isolated you from everyone? Tell me now so I can help you. I care about you too much-”

You let out a dry laugh at Azriel’s words, “You don’t care about me. You only cared about fucking me, and no, he isn’t isolating me from people. I still see my friends, and some have even met him. They approve of our relationship.”

“He doesn’t deserve you,” Azriel argued back, “You deserve someone who isn’t a snake, someone like-”

“Someone like you?” you now glared at the shadowsinger when you noticed his eyes soften at your words, “Unfortunately for you, I’m not in love with you anymore.”

Not anymore. Azriel froze at your words. You used to be in love with him, but not anymore. Azriel began to panic and tried to think of what to say to fix what he had unintentionally ruined.

Sadly, you just stared him down with nothing but hatred in your eyes, “Goodbye, Azriel,” With that, you slammed the door in Azriel’s face.

Azriel shuttered as he now felt a mating bond between the two of you. He cursed himself when he finally realized his mate was with him this entire time and realized he had damaged your relationship beyond repair.

@sleepylunarwolf @paankhaleyaar

[utterlyhopeful-fics]

Azriel x Reader: The Bond of a Century

An old request that I decided to revamp

Request prompt: Can I request an Azriel x reader where the mating bond snaps for Azriel but not the reader? Kind of like how Feyra didn’t know Rhys was her mate till she was told.

My prompt: A bond forgotten for over a century and a half makes its way back to the forefront. All of it starts with Rhys asking for a favor.

This is a fluffy, steamy, angst-ish fic

I hope you enjoy!!!! My requests are open!!!

____________________________

This was the last thing you thought you would be doing for Rhys. Out of all the things, this-this is what he chose for you to do. Rhys had a sick twisted mind that put you in a situation you had no desire of being in or a part of. You mentally cursed at the high lord, hating him in the moment even though he was your dearest friend. Elain scoured the city for certain pots for her plants, and certain seeds for her garden. Azriel right by her side and you trailing behind them. All you wanted to do was to go back to your home near the docks. It was the first home you had when you first moved from Dawn to Velaris less than a century ago, but with some convincing Rhys and Feyre were able to get you to stay at the town house. It was only then did her sisters arrive, and at some point you were put to the task of keeping an eye on Elain with the occasional visit of Az. Honestly you wished you could train with Nesta, but Cassian was chosen for that task. You wouldn’t have minded living in the house of wind-“ I think I need to go to Day Court or maybe Spring,Oh perhaps we go to Dawn instead. They must have better pots.” Elain speaks more to Azriel than she does you. You were eyeing the various shops, and the people delighted to be around you, each grinning and waving at you. Another beautiful thing about Velaris you’d come to love. People were kind here.

Azriel smiled softly at her “ Of course, if that’s what you want” his voice was tender and sweet. You fought the urge to roll your eyes, turning your attention elsewhere. You hated being there dealing with this shit, but Rhys insisted you tag along, “It’s good for the soul. Get some fresh air” with that insane cat-like smirk. Ooo you shoot daggers into your mind, a deep chuckle echoing in the background.

“ Yes that’s what I want, thank you Az” Elain returned the gesture.

“ Alright then I’ll let Rhys and Feyre know-“ You say as you pinched a flower petal between your thumb and index finger. You looked away from it then back at them. The two watched you with curiosity, you let go of the petal. It was no simple task, an easy reminder of what you needed to do and a simple approval came from Rhys. A gentle poke in your mind causes you to shake your head.“-Let's get this over with” You take steps towards them placing your hands on their arms you effortlessly winnow the three of you to Dawn. The landing was gentle and less sickening, the three of you placed in a Market, one that you were familiar with.. Elain squealed with excitement as she rushed over to an area where she had seen fresh flowers, a few shops down could be seen a pottery shop, the two of you already trailing her.

“ Look at this beautiful bouquet! Y/N? Should we get this for the town house?” She gestures to the bouquet filled with many vibrant colors, various shapes and sizes. You were stumped, she normally doesn’t ask you these questions most of the time they were directed at Az.

“They look lovely Elain, I’m sure they’ll fit anywhere you put them..” You replied not really sure how to respond. Honestly you’ve never really thought about what flowers you liked or didn’t . It wasn’t something that was ever given to you, nor something you found and immediately fell in love with. You didn’t have anything against anyone who knew what they liked, you just-never had the experience of looking forward to your own set of plants. Even when you first attempted gardening most of your plants and flowers died, you simply didn’t have the skill or the eye for it..but that was okay, though on rare occasions it was something you wished you had..

Elain smiles awkwardly “ Well, maybe we can get it, it might brighten up the home. Make it seem more natural..comfortable” She pulls out her coins, handing it to the shopkeeper. The three of you move further heading over to the pottery shop that she explained earlier how she wanted to visit. Your eyes searched the area, checking for predators, anyone who might cause harm to the high lady’s sister, before entering the shop. You had other plans that you needed to attend to while the two looked around, it was in the midst of Elains discussion, mostly to Azriel about the various styles of pottery, that you planned to sneak off. It was only then did a voice capture your attention from behind you.

“ Y/N, I must admit I never pegged as you someone who might be interested in pottery” Thesan, high lord of Dawn, speaks out, the entire shop haunting their work to bow at his presence. He waved his hand dismissing them easily back to work. Azriel positions himself so that he stands near you with Elain behind him, she peers her head out, trying to see who it was that spoke so elegantly. A small smile graces your features at that familiar voice you knew so well as you shifted to face Thesan, who was already grinning. Azriel didn’t miss it, taking note of it.

“What if I was?” You retorted,

“ Then that would be a surprise”

“I hate to burst your bubble High Lord but I’m here on business not for pleasure” You replied, the two of you sharing a small laugh together. Azriel forced his expression into neutrality, Elains eyes sparkled with curiosity and intrigue. Thesan looks behind you for a moment, taking in the Shadowsinger and the woman next to him.

“ Ouch, that one hurt Y/N, I see you brought friends, Shadowsinger” Thesan greets civilly no hate present.

“ Thesan,” Azriel gives a simple head nod in his direction, there was no need for malice, Thesan had always been a great friend of Rhys’s and now apparently yours. Though a feeling crept inside his chest, this odd feeling takes root, Azriel does his best to shove it away, especially with Elain right next to him..

“ And you must be Elain, one of the sisters of High Lady Night.”

“ Yes I am. It’s a pleasure to meet you” Elain smiles with a blush that creeps along her cheeks. She wasn’t sure how to respond being that a high lord, whom she never met knew she existed. The surrealness of the situation becomes a reality, the more she realizes how well known her sister is, how well known both of her sisters are including herself. A delighted yet astonishing experience for her, something she wasn’t used to yet.

“ Same to you, i hope you don’t mind if I borrow Y/N for a moment or two, there’s somethings I’d like to discuss” Thesan offered but secretly it was a meeting that needed to take place. You were in fact here on business, something that Rhys specifically shared with you and no one else. Dawn used to be your home, but when you were moved to Velaris, you became the seg way for Dawn and Night. Your job was to be the emissary for both sides, keeping the courts relationship in even better shape. You missed your home dearly at times, and you missed Thesan whom you were extremely close too, and who you cared about, even with this being only for business there was some pleasure that came out of it.

“ No of course not, I’m sure she could use a break from us, right Azriel?” Elain looks up to him but his eyes were trained on you and Thesan. You were ready to join him without so much as another word, it struck a nerve in him, why? What could possibly be the topic of conversation between you two? Why do you only need to speak with him? Surely Rhys would’ve told him what this meeting was about? Why hadn’t you come to him for advice or as a second set of ears? Why was the meeting a secret?-“Azriel?”Elain calls out to him, you were looking at him suspiciously, your eyebrows furrowed, your eyes flickering across every part of his face and bodily language. Azriel adjusts himself, shielding off whatever thoughts or feelings he harbored in the moment. He blinks, his eyes drift back to Elain then back to you and Thesan “ Go ahead, we’ll be here in the shop if you need us, we leave in about two hours”

“ Alright then I will have my men escort the two of you back to my palace.” Thesan replied, You eased the questioning look off your face, you shift back towards Thesan, the two of you walking out of the shop, the conversation immediately flowed. He could see the smile on your face, and yet again the melodic sound of laughter that left your lips. The high lords' guards remained in place while Azriel and Elain both continued their shopping. However, that didn’t stop him from taking one last look out the door.

When the two hours were up, Azriel and Elain were guided securely to the Palace where he’d find you and Thesan walking along the hall. Thesan stopped in his tracks grabbing your arm, it forces you to halt in place, your body halfway facing him. His mouth moves but Azriel can’t hear what he’s saying, he lifts a hand to your face gently swiping at your cheek. He removes his hand, pulling you gently into a tight embrace. Azriel could see the way you held onto him tightly, as if you dared to let go. The two of you stayed in that position for a few moments until you both eventually pulled away. Why were you crying? Were you hurting? Were they happy tears? Did he say something to you? What was it? There were too many emotions to pinpoint, Azriel’s chest continued to tighten at the emotions he felt. You left Thesans' side offering him one last smile, but that smile fades, when you approach them.

“It’s time, are you ready?” You ask softly, your demeanor changed, a bit relaxed but a heavy weight stays on your shoulders. You roll them back, adjusting yourself. Azriel watches you with such careful eyes, you paid no mind, your thoughts elsewhere.

“ Yes-“ Elain starts but her gaze flickers back and forth between you both. For Elain it was rather odd to see the two of you interact, when she had met you, your relationship with Azriel was already thin, you were distant with him compared to everyone else. Elain assumed that your relationship had always been like that, but now she wasn’t so sure..

“ Are you alright?” Azriel asks you, his hand twitches slightly, part of him restrains himself, the other yearned to reach out for you. But you were quick to recover, offering him a reassuring smile.

“ Yeah I’m fine, let’s go.” You placed your hands on both of them, winnowing them back to the town house. There Nuala and Cerridwen greeted the three of you. Nuala took the pots out of Elains hands, Cerridwen took the flowers and placed them in another vase. Elain begins gushing about the journey to Dawn, how gorgeous it was..You sighed exhausted leaving the space quietly to head to your own room. Azriel was about to follow you when Elain called for his help in the kitchen. Azriel hesitated staring up at the staircase. Why couldn’t he just talk to you? He’s a Shadowsinger, a spymaster, and he can pry details out of anyone but you. All he can feel is your emotions-your emotions... Elain had pulled Azriel from his thoughts as she hugged a pot to herself.

“Az? Are you coming?” She says as she waits for him to follow her to the garden. Again he hesitates but he feels a stirring in his chest. Azriel lifts up a hand instinctively touching it, a sharp sensation could be felt beneath his chest. It couldn’t be? Could it? Azriel’s eyes widen, Elain takes a breath “ I’ll be outside Az when you’re ready-“ Azriel moves his feet faster than his mind could process, he was out of the town house door, his wings pushing him off the ground shooting him into the sky, he needing some time to think..

___

The moons at its highest peak, your curtains flowing with gentle breeze that filtered through your bedroom. The candles and lights burnt out signaling that you were asleep, that was until you heard a creak in the floorboard, and the atmosphere changed, a darker presence filled the space. You were lying on your stomach, your hands slipping beneath the pillow as you grip the handle of the blade you’ve hidden beneath it. You felt the figure stop just before your bed frame, you could hear them bend down towards your face. As they reached for you, you swiftly reached out a free hand grabbing them, you flipped them onto the bed, rolling over pinning them down with your blade tucked against their neck in the most vulnerable area.

“ It’s only me” He whispers, the lights in the room reaching a dim hue, illuminating the area.

“ Jeez Az, I could’ve killed you” You replied tiredly, you pulled back the blade placing it on the end table. Azriel’s eyes followed your movement above him, your hips and legs straddling him, your hair in an unruly nature, from slumber. The candles hue amidst the room, caresses your face, your bare legs, your skin making it appear warm to the touch. You had worn a tunic that wasn’t yours, it hugged loosely around your body frame. The tunic looked oddly familiar to Azriel but then again he wasn’t so sure. All he wanted to do was rip whoevers tunic that belonged to, off of your body and replace it with his.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you-” He apologizes,”-I have one question I’d like to ask you” Azriel whispers, as he watches your facial expression twitch into a sleepy confusion.

“This couldn’t wait till morning?” You sighed as your hand moved to rub the sleep from your face. You remove yourself from him, you slip off the bed but not before Azriel caught your wrist. He shifts himself so that he sits up lifting himself off the bed. He towers over you, the candle's glowing light touches his features in a way that it could come off intimidating, but there was a more intimate, soft, texture that made him appear more angelic.

“ No I’m afraid not.” He admits.

You nod your head” What’s your question?”

“ How long have you known about the bond?”Azriel’s voice low, as if to test the waters but enough to plunge himself. He needed answers and after speaking with Rhys, it was his right.

“ What?” Your face dropped, your skin becoming clammy as nervousness passes through you, sleepiness evades you.

“ You heard me, answer the question” his eyes switch between both of yours, searching and evaluating. He tried to pinpoint every emotion you felt, he tried to feel you through, the only thing stopping him was- you.

“ It's not that simple-” You shook your head, pulling your wrist out of his hold. You weren’t prepared for this, you weren’t ready to unravel all that you worked so hard to ignore.

“ It is that simple” Azriel continued to pry, he didn’t need the bond to notice how uncomfortable and painful this topic was for you-it was news to him, he wanted the truth..no lies no games only the truth

“ No, it’s not. It’s complicated-“ You looked away from him moving to the other side of the room. You couldn't find the words to explain this situation, your reasoning. What if what you told him set him off? What if this ruins everything between your friendships? The alliance that has been created? So many thoughts and questions, never enough answers…but for Azriel you did have an answer to his question..

“ Complicated enough for you to leave.” It was then that feeling in your chest, it builds a thick pressure. A heavyweight on your shoulders, the air almost sucked out your lungs. “ Is that what you told Rhys when you were packing your bags?” You couldn’t breathe, Azriel’s footsteps followed you till he was right behind you. You faintly feel the pulse of his surprise and his anger, as if it was your own, but it had been so long since you’d tapped into the bond. You had spent a century ignoring it, shielding it, and now, it was muscle memory..

“ Don’t make me do this..” You whispered out, a silent plea to move on, to let this go.

“ You knew, and yet you decided not to tell me” His voice held a deep frustration, a deep want and need. He wasn’t going to give up, he had a way with finding out the truth..

“ That’s-not what happened..” You were again stumped with words, torn between giving in or lying, torn between running away or staying..

“ No? Then what happened?” He continues to look down at you, you refuse to meet his gaze. Azriel doesn’t take no for an answer moving towards the front. He stands in front of you. His smell, his faint emotions from the bond slowly consuming you. It surrounds you, his shadows dance along the edges of the room, waiting, watching, whispering.

“ Az-” You warned him, it was another weak attempt to fight him off. But he continued to poke, to pull, to pry, to grasp at anything you’d give him. You were tired, exhausted, hiding your emotions, your thoughts, your protected heart and mind bound to collapse, all secrets were meant to escape..

“ I want the truth, Y/N-”. You took a deep breath, your nerves running a mile a minute. His own anxiousness was replaced with a demanding thirst for the truth. A truth that belonged to him too. You’ve kept this wonderful secret to yourself, he watched as his own family found mates that paired well with them. Watching as their life finds the pieces to the puzzle it was missing. Deep down he wanted that very same thing. He felt as though he may not deserve it but he craved it, to be loved unconditionally… “-You owe me that much”

You sighed, your heart shattering, you gave in, you really hadn’t planned too but the look in his eyes-, “..Before Amarantha began her reign, Rhys made an offer to Thesan to let me stay in Velaris, as an emissary between the courts. It was then that I found out that we were mates… It was then that the deal was made.“

“All these years and you kept this to yourself, why?” His eyebrows furrowed.

“ Because I knew you were in love with Mor. I wasn’t going to take that from you. But I did wait for you, I waited a long time. But when it became an achingly slow desperation, I gave up. I practiced silencing the bond, so I couldn’t feel the emotions you felt when you were around other-women..romantically and lustily I mean. Then Elain came around and it was the same process. I’m exhausted, Azriel. I can’t keep doing this”

“ You didn’t bother to try! You’re running back home because you never thought to ask how I might’ve felt!” His jaw tenses, his head slightly tilted to the side, his frustration grows, at this notion of forcing the information out of you, when you should’ve let it happen, when you should’ve told him..

“ I didn’t because I wanted you to come to your own conclusion. I wanted it to be as natural as possible but you were so invested in Mor and Elain and I’m not one to take you away from that. But I also miss the people I care about, I miss my old home-It’s time for me to go-” You protested.

“ What does Rhys think of this?” Azriel jaw twitches.

“ He was the one who encouraged me to speak with Thesan-“

“ Is that what the discussion was between the two of you?” He presses.

“ Yes but-“ You attempt to defend yourself.

“ Y/N, what exactly did you say to him?” Azriel wanted every detail, every version of this story, of his story, of his mates-his mate.

“ I didn’t- I didn’t say anything. I asked if I could return home, and he told me that I should stay here, that if I truly wanted to come home then he’d considered it.” Your heart leaps into your throat, you swallow it back, the feeling collecting.

“ His answer wasn’t even a Yes” Azriel’s scoffs shaking his head, his hands on his hips as he looks at the floor and then away at the window.

“ Yes- but it’s my decision-“ You looked up at him, watching his movements carefully.

“ No it’s not, you’re not going back there.” He challenged, his eyes find their way back to yours.

“ You can’t decide that.” You tell him, the two of you hurting by the weight of your decision. Azriel’s own heart squeezes painfully, at how easy it was for you to say those words to him. You were his, he wasn’t going to let you just walk away, not without fighting for you.

“ Why not? You’d already decided to keep this to yourself regardless of how I felt” He takes a step forward his arms falling back down to his side.

“ Azriel please listen to me-“ You tried to reason, you tried to find a way to break through, he wasn’t thinking straight, you weren’t thinking straight, neither one of you.

“ No you listen, all those years, all those centuries, you were my friend, and you were someone who loved me. Loved me enough to sacrifice what you felt so I could find happiness. In the depths of my mind I have fought and searched for you without realizing that you were here in front of me..I was too blind to see it. ” His hands flew to your face, your jaw, cupping it, his thumbs grazing your cheekbones. Your hands follow suit as your fingers grip his wrists. His shadows remove themselves from the dark corners of your room, shooting out to tangle around your wrists, not to pull your hands away but to hold you there in place. “ Please don’t run from me” He whispers, his forehead dipping down to rest on yours. His hands slide from your cheeks to the sides of your neck.

“ Az-I can’t stay” You replied quietly, your hands pulling at his wrists weakly at his. You both knew that you could take him down easily, but at this moment in time the two of you were struggling. The tension grew thick in the air. A sort of sharp feeling intensifies, the faded familiarity that was the bond, solidifies. You thought that you had successfully mastered the art of blocking the bond but no. Azriel must’ve truly accepted it, a different feeling takes over, Azriel hums at the feeling. You sucked in a breath.

“ You can’t leave without knowing I’ve accepted the bond” His nose brushes against yours. You shook your head once more, completely pushed Azriel away. Your hands fly to your head, your fingers tangling in your hairs. You wanted nothing more than to curl into yourself, this was too surreal, too overwhelming. You’d spent so long, alone, and working, on occasions waiting. Now you were uncertain, even more than you had been hours ago. Azriel could feel your indecisiveness, he just needed to bring you back to him.

Azriel followed you, he pulled your hands from your hair, one of them he placed on his chest, his heart beating beneath it, you couldn’t look at him. But you could feel the gentleness, the love that flowed through him into you. “ My heart, my soul belongs to you” he tries again. You could feel your body sag at the feeling of comfort. It was so intense and welcoming. You wanted to wrap yourself in it-but you fought it, you were so used to the fighting, the restraint, the self control. “Let go” His voice reaches into the depths of your mind, into your soul, calling out to you.

You placed your forehead on his chest, your hand leaving the area above his heart. Azriel’s wings moved to surround you, his shadows moved to get to you, tangling themselves in your hair, caressing your face and hands. They speak to you wishing you nothing but love and happiness. They bring you comfort, your eyes fluttering shut.

“ Y/N” Azriel calls out. You could feel his hands cupping your face once more tilting it upwards, his breath light. You could feel how close he was, Azriel was right there, all he needed to do-Az’s lips crashed down onto yours, so soft, and yet his kiss held all his desperation, his passion. He couldn’t hold back, not with you, not when he loved you so. You weren’t surprised, in fact you hadn’t realized how much you yearned for his touch, his kiss. Azriel turns his head to the side deepening the kiss, a quiet moan slips out. By the cauldron Azriel loved to hear that sound, he wanted to hear it again, and again, and again. For as long as he lived and breathed.

You were putty in his hands, the feeling of his touch, his thoughts, his emotions was putting you in overdrive. Your mind couldn’t comprehend nor catch up to the pace in which things were happening. Azriel lets go of your lips for a brief moment, allowing you a chance to breathe, a whimper and the need for air also escapes your lips. Azriel had to fight the urge to keep himself from taking you right then and there. You had the urge to let him do it, you placed your hands on his chest pushing him back a step. You couldn’t think with him in your space, Azriel wasn’t going to budge, but with the way you were so caught up and caught off guard, he let you take a second.

“Okay-“ You breathed out. Azriel’s eyes light up, a smile threatens to break out. “ I-um-“ You cleared your throat,”Uh-I-I accept the bond..” you whispered the last part. Azriel’s heart gave a squeeze of joy, his chest filled with lightness, with happiness and relief. All he had ever hoped for had finally come to fruition. A twinkle of mischief sparks in his eyes, a smirk finds its way onto his beautiful features.

“ What was that?” He asks, yet you squint your eyes at him, you know he heard, he knows he heard you, but he wanted you to say it again. “-I didn’t quite hear you” You bit the inside of your cheek still squinting at him. You sighed, your body began to relax, your facial expressions changing to that of a sheepishness. You were struggling to admit it, Azriel waited for you patiently.

“ I-“

“ Yes?”

“ Az” You raised your eyebrows at him, as if to say I’m trying here.

“ I’m sorry, please go on.” He encourages you.

You sighed as you tried again this time “ I accept the bond-” You are much more confident and certain. “I’ve loved you since I’ve known you. You were right, my heart and soul belongs to you-“Azriel couldn’t contain himself much longer as took you into his arms and spun you around. A victorious grin graced both of your features, and for once the weight of the world didn’t feel so heavy in your chests. You gave a light hearted giggle, your heart swooning. Azriel places you back on the ground. You smiled brightly, the twinkle reaching your eyes. “This is happening?” You asked out loud, you searched for clarification.

“ Yeah it is” Azriel let go grabbing your hand pulling you towards the window. You tilted your head to the side, a sweet smile on your lips, a playful yet teasing expression stretches onto Azriel’s face. “Do you trust me?” his hand extends outward.

“ Yes.” You lift your hand to place it into his, this time a new height sense fills both your bodies. The touch feels like a loving hum on your skin. Your minds, your souls, finally resting after all the searching that it had done. You place your hand in his, he guides you out of the window onto the terrace of the town house. You followed him blindly, willingly. Azriel stood taller in the moonlight, and the stars above shining, his shadows nowhere to be found, it was just him. “ Az wait- Elain-“

“She knows, and I’m sure she will be upset with me, but she has Lucien..She doesn’t need me.” He nods. You watch him closely, as you slowly lift a hand to caress his cheek, the touch sweet and warming. Azriel instinctively leans into your touch, turning his head slightly to kiss the palm of your hand.

“ I’m sorry” You whispered, you realized that you may have ruined a friendship for him, a little bit more than a friendship..

“ No I’m sorry” he replies as he takes you back into his arms, the sounds of the city's music playing amongst the trees, the flowers, the plants, the night sky seeming more inviting, more alive. All Azriel knew was in this moment in time he finally understood the accept of the bond, the waiting, the calling, you had always been there waiting for him, you gave him time, space, anything he needed to figure himself out..All those times he spent with other women- then it dawned on him, had you done the same? You chuckled upon feeling that jealous emotion. “ Who’s tunic are you wearing?”

“ Az, it’s yours”

“ What-“ You peel yourself out of his arms.

“ This tunic you let me borrow on a mission we had, remember? Court of nightmares? I was stuck in a brothel, I ended up fighting my way out, my clothes were completely shredded?” You offered bits and pieces of the memory, Azriel’s takes a moment to recollect and it hits him.

“ Yes I remember, you ate a bowl of soup that night at one of the hostels. You hated it,” He chuckled as he remembered the disgusted look on your face. You laughed alongside him. You moved to head back towards your room but Azriel was quick to catch your hand.

”Where are you going?”

“Um-to make you something, we still have to seal the bond.”

“ Not here”

“ Then where?” Azriel grins as he throws one of your arms around his neck, one catches your back the other catches your knees.

“ Somewhere private, where I can have you all to myself, no distractions, just you and me” He whispers to you, his face dipping closer to yours, you sucked in a small breath, the blood beneath your skin singing, practically humming. His arms tightened their hold on you pressing you as flush to him as possible. Azriel looks away and upwards towards the night sky, his wings strong as they help push the two of you off the ground. Excitement filled the air, the night, seemed sweeter, less stuffy, inviting. You guessed that Thesan was right for making you stay here, to reconsider, you were thankful that he pointed you back in the direction of your mate. Azriel was happy that his brother fought for his love, fought for him to find happiness. It was more than just two courts keeping a civil peace, it was about two souls that needed to find each other, even if it takes a century.

[utterlyhopeful-fics]

I feel like you’d enjoy this concept: but imagine rhett abott teaching you how to ride a bull, he’s got you on one of those stationary bulls or sitting behind you on a mechanical one

like hands on hips, telling them how to grind and not get thrown off, soft whispered praises of how good you’re doing as you rock back and forth ect. and he definitely gives you his hat to wear while you do it because you know what it means if a cowboy gives you his hat 👀 and he likes the idea of you wearing his

then later you apply what you learn to when you ride him

🤠 #saveahorserideacowboy

BESTIE. BESTIE.

You inspired me. Have a little drabble. As a treat.

Summary: Rhett teaches you the proper way to ride a bull (and him).

Pairing: Rhett Abbott x F!Reader

Word Count: 300

Warnings: Explicit, 18+ only. PIV sex and dirty talk.

You're naked except for Rhett's hat, hands planted on his chest to help you rise up and down on his length. He directs you to grind down on him, and swirl your hips, heightening both your pleasure.

"Good," he says, sounding strained. "Now you don't wanna to fall off when the bull is bucking," he continues. He plants his feet on the bed and thrusts into you hard enough to nearly unseat you. "Squeeze tight with your hips."

You do as he instructs, watching the way his eyes nearly roll back in his head. The two of you have been at this for a while, sweat-slicked and needy. You want to come, but he seems to have other plans, making you mimic the lesson he gave you on the mechanical bull earlier.

"Like that?" You ask, squeezing him with your thighs.

His only response is a low groan. You smile and rock forward. One of the hands on your hips slides up to cup your breast, squeezing gently before continuing northward to wrap around your throat. He pulls you down for a messy kiss and jerks up into you harshly. You gasp into his mouth, pleasure rushing through every muscle of your body as you come apart on his cock. Warmth floods your insides as he follows, moaning.

You press a kiss to the corner of his mouth and sit up with a happy sigh. His eyes are closed, and the hand that was gripping your hip tightly a minute ago now only has a loose hold on you.

"Did I tire the bull out?" You ask with a grin.

"Oh, darlin. This was just lesson one," he warns.

[utterlyhopeful-fics]

Can't Keep My Hands To Myself

Summary: Rhett’s a handsy drunk, not that you mind. Pairing: Rhett Abbott x F!Reader Word Count: 1.5K Rating: Explicit, 18+ only. Alcohol use, drunk and handsy Rhett, semi-public fingering, dirty talk, sexual touching, oral sex (m receiving) and unprotected PIV. A/N: Thank you @hoe-on-the-range, @callsign-phoenix and @topguncortez for looking this over. My girl Megan is responsible for the title. Please reblog and comment if you enjoyed it!

It’s late on a Saturday and the Handsome Gambler is brimming with the rodeo crowd. Spirits are high and liquor is flowing, the low croon of a country music singer crackling through the old speakers. The mix of red lighting and cigarette smoke casts a strange haze through the bar, making everything seem slightly out of focus. Or maybe that’s just the whiskey. You’re not usually a drinker, but Rhett’s persuasive, pressing shot after shot in your hand. You feel warm and tingly all over, settling into that space where you’re pleasantly buzzed and things feel perfect. Rhett’s a few drinks ahead of you, his blue eyes a little unfocused as he watches you.

“You and those sundresses,” he groans, running a hand up your thigh under your dress. He shifts closer, his hip connecting with yours in the booth you share. “Driving me crazy,” he mutters.

You sigh, eyes closing when his lips land on your neck. He tilts his head to reach that spot behind your ear that dissolves all rational thought and has you moaning softly.

“Rhett, I think, oh…” you trail off when the hand on your thigh urges your legs to part for him. He rubs you through your underwear insistently while he sucks hard on your skin. Even in your inebriated state, you know this isn’t a good idea, but it’s hard to find the words to protest when he’s making you feel so good. “Someone could see,” you pant.

“Let them fucking look,” he growls. “You're mine, they should know it.”

When he pulls away from your throat his pupils are dilated and his cheeks are flush. The hand between your thighs pushes aside your underwear to feel you without a barrier. He crashes his lips against yours, tongue delving into your mouth. You both groan when he slips a finger inside your cunt and tries to force a second one in.

You grasp his shirt, shifting forward. He takes your hand and pushes it down to his crotch where you can feel a bulge through his jeans. He directs you to squeeze him, making a low noise in his throat in response, bucking up into your hand.

"Come on, girl. I'm hurtin' here. Need you so fucking bad," he pants.

You whimper when he’s successful, a second finger sliding inside to join the first, and clench when he curls them both upward. You rock your hips forward, leg knocking the table hard enough to jostle it and rattle your drinks. The sound snaps you out of your stupor and your eyes fly open. You look around concerned but no one’s looking at the two of you tucked into the back of the bar. Rhett’s lost to the world, mouth back on your throat while he pumps his fingers into you and squeezes your hand over his clothed cock.

“We need to stop,” you whisper, pressing your lips together to keep in the moan he rips from your body when his thumb starts to circle your clit.

It’s only when you yank your hand away from him and push on his chest that he draws back, blinking at you. His mouth parts and his tongue runs over his bottom lip as he stares at you. You wrap a hand around his wrist and he gets the message, withdrawing his fingers.

“We should leave,” you tell him, arousal pooling in your underwear when he shamelessly sucks them clean while watching you.

“I’m not gonna make it home,” he says, leaning in close to kiss you. You can taste yourself on his tongue. “Need to be inside you, now,” he groans.

“Okay, okay,” you agree shakily, sitting up straighter in the booth. On your sweep of the bar, you spy the storeroom door slightly ajar at the other end of the room. One of the bartenders must have gotten sloppy. “Come on, I have an idea,” you say, tugging him to follow you.

He’s glued to your back as you make your way through the bar, grinding himself into your ass any chance he gets while his hands roam up and down your body. You may have been hidden before but as you push through the crowd you’re drawing some eyes. Heat rushes to your face when you make eye contact with one of the bartenders who raises a brow. Rhett doesn’t care and there’s no stopping him when he’s like this. The drunk, horny part of you doesn’t want him to. You’re getting even wetter thinking about him bending you over the deep freezer and making you come all over his cock.

You barely get the door shut before he’s on you, nearly tripping you in his haste to get you pinned to the wall. He yanks the strap of your dress down to expose your shoulder and drags his lips over your skin. You bury a hand in his hair, holding him to you. His erection presses into your stomach and you grasp at his back, needing him close.

“Rhett,” you moan.

“Love my name on your lips,” he whispers, drawing back to look at you with a heady mix of desire and love. “Wanna hear you say it again. Come here, girl”

He steps back and leads you over to an empty table in the corner, a hand on your upper back urging you to bend over. He flips up the hem of your dress and guides your underwear down your legs before kicking your feet apart. The rough treatment sends a spike of desire straight between your legs. You whine and wiggle your ass, wanting him inside you. He answers your request with a chuckle and the low burr of his zipper. One big hand caresses the swell of your ass before moving up to grip your hip and hold you still. He impales you with one smooth thrust. Your toes curl in your boots and you moan entirely too loud.

Even drunk, Rhett’s quick to clamp a hand around your mouth.

“God, you want it bad too, dontcha?” he asks, breathing heavily in your ear. “That’s alright, I’ll always give you what you need.”

Your eyes nearly roll back in your head at the way he fucks you with deep, powerful thrusts. Filling you in the best way possible. Even with the way the table bites into your stomach and how he nearly takes you off your feet it feels good. You never want it to stop.

“Love this cunt,” Rhett pants.

His coarse language has you fluttering around him. You rise up on your elbows, pushing up until your back is pressed to his chest and then reach back to bury your fingers in his hair. When he thrusts into you sharply you tug hard on his hair. Rhett groans, fingers dropping to your clit. He rubs furiously and you quake, riding that rising wave that brings you closer and closer to the pleasure you seek.

You pull his hand away from your mouth and whisper, “Come inside me, Rhett.” You’re rewarded by the way his hips stutter and stall.

“My filthy girl,” he praises.

When he rolls your clit between two fingers you come with a cry, stilling in his arms and letting him fuck up into you how he wants. It isn’t long before he’s filling you with a warm rush of spend. You’re both breathing hard and you can feel your heart pumping frantically in your chest. The small room is warm and humid and smells like the both of you.

Rhett urges you to turn around. His face is red, hair a mess from your hands. He stares at you for a long moment, tongue against his teeth. “I want you to clean me up, and once we get home I’ll do the same for you,” he promises.

Your eyes drop to his cock, still hard and shiny with a combination of his cum and yours. A new kind of thrill snakes through your limbs when Rhett settles a hand on your shoulder and exerts enough pressure to drop you to your knees. Later you’ll blame the whiskey but in reality, you want this. You love how dirty you’re willing to get for the man you love.

At the first touch of your warm mouth on the tip of his cock he hisses, likely oversensitive. You swallow him down to the root, gazing up at him through your lashes. He looks awed, a hand resting on the back of your head. You hollow your cheeks and swirl your tongue, tasting your own tartness and his salty spend. When you pull off him with a wet pop his blue eyes are hazy with lust. A part of you wants to continue, half curious to see if you could make him come a second time but you know you’re pushing your luck the longer you stay. So instead, you tuck him back into his jeans and buckle his belt.

He hauls you up to meet his lips for a deep, possessive kiss.

“Best get us home,” he drawls. “Or I’m liable to lay you out on the bar and have my turn.”

[utterlyhopeful-fics]

Top Gun Masterlist

Jake "Hangman" Seresin

Flirting For Dummies  (Finished Series | Mature l 8.3K)

Turns out the crush you have on one of the pilots that frequents the Hard Deck isn’t quite so unrequited. You’re just bad at recognizing when someone’s flirting with you. Good thing Jake’s happy to help you understand how interested he really is.

Intoxicated (Explicit | 3.3K)

A drunken confession to your best friend leads to more than you expected.

Play Stupid Games, Win Stupid Prizes (Explicit | 950)

You give Hangman a special memory in the Top Gun rec room on the eve of his graduation.

If You Can’t Take the Heat (Explicit | 935) You mouth off at the Hard Deck and Jake reminds you who’s really in charge.

Lose Control (Explicit | 1K)

You’re determined to make Jake lose control.

Sweet Surrender (Explicit | 2.1K)

Jake’s given and taken orders a hundred times throughout his career but nothing compares to the moment he realizes you liked it. 

Dating Jake Seresin Musings (Mature)

Hangman's Thick Fingers (Explicit)

Orgasm Denial Kink with Jake (Explicit)

Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw

A Lesson in Patience (Explicit l 1.4K)

Your boyfriend wants to try something new. 

Take a Seat (Explicit | 845)

Rooster invites you to take a seat on his face. 

His Goofy Girl (Gen | 630)

You have an entertaining reaction to the anesthesia used for your wisdom tooth extraction, much to Rooster ‘s amusement and embarrassment.

Robert “Bob” Floyd

Eager to Please (Explicit l 400)

You learn pretty quickly that Bob is eager to please, but he still manages to surprise you with a request. 

Catch a Fallen Star (Mature l 350)

Mermaid!reader x Sailor!Bob. He's the only survivor from the ship that broke apart on the rocky shores of the island last night. Well, there were others, but your sisters took care of them all too eagerly.

Headcanons

The day Bob earns his call sign

A night of absolute devotion and attention with Bob

Natasha “Phoenix” Trace + Robert “Bob” Floyd

All The Right Moves (Gen l 1.8K)

Your day takes a turn for the better when you meet not one but two cute Navy Pilots at the hospital. 

Follow the Leader (Explicit l 883)

You and Bob love it when Phoenix takes charge.

Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw + Jake "Hangman" Seresin

Friendly Competition (Ongoing Series | Explicit | 2.8K)

Rooster and Hangman’s competition for your attention reaches a new level.

Sometimes All I Need Is You (Gen | 1.6K)

Hangman and Rooster comfort you after a difficult day.  

Night Drive (Explicit | 867)

Your reunion with Rooster gets interrupted by Hangman. 

Headcanons

Living with Rooster and Hangman 

♡Main Masterlist♡

Thank you @callsignhurricane for my beautiful headers!

[utterlyhopeful-fics]

A Lesson in Patience

Summary: Your boyfriend wants to try something new.

Pairing: Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw x F!Reader

Word Count: 1.4K

Ratings: Explicit, 18+ only. Oral sex (f receiving), unprotected PIV, teasing/edging, and cockwarming. 

A/N: This is smutty with a little fluff sprinkled in. Written in response to this ask. Reblogs and comments fuel the muse. 

The Navy’s intense demands on Rooster meant your time with him could be limited. Often sex was quick and dirty, each of you desperate for the other. Half the time you didn’t even make it to the bed. He’d ruck up your skirt and take you over the couch. Other times you fucked on the floor, but that usually came with a wisecrack about his bad knee after. 

Tonight is different. You’re enjoying an uninterrupted weekend together. Saturday morning you stroll through the farmers market and pick out food to make dinner at home. In the middle of cooking Rooster pulls you into his arms when an old Elvis song crackles across the speaker. He sways your bodies back and forth as he sings along barefoot with you in the kitchen. You get so distracted, laughing and belting out the lyrics that dinner nearly burns. Everything feels hazy and soft, a rare moment of true domesticity. You love every second of it. 

Keep reading

[utterlyhopeful-fics]

Play Stupid Games, Win Stupid Prizes

Summary: You give Hangman a special memory in the Top Gun rec room on the eve of his graduation.

Pairing: Jake “Hangman” Seresin x F!Reader

Word Count: 950

Rating: Explicit 18+ only. PWP, unprotected PIV, creampie, and semi-public sex. Hangman restrains the reader briefly and covers her mouth.

A/N: Thank you @mayhem24-7forever for looking this over and @whatblogisthis216 for the title. Based on this prompt.

You’re not supposed to be here. Sure, you were invited to tour the base with the other military families to celebrate your loved one’s graduation from Top Gun. Maybe even snap a photo sitting in their plane or wearing their helmet but you’re not doing any of those things right now. Instead, you’re in the rec room, bent over a very nice leather couch. Your underwear dangles from one ankle and the pretty dress you wore is flipped up over your waist, exposing your lower half.

Jake’s behind you, buried deep inside. Each hard thrust from him sends the couch skittering forward a few inches and pulls a long moan from your throat.

“Shhh darlin,” he warns, breath hot against your ear. “You get much louder and we’re gonna have company. You don’t want everyone to see you like this, do you?”

“No,” you gasp, your words turning into a wail when Jake grabs your hips and brings your body back forcefully to meet his thrust. God, he feels so good inside you. It’s a testament to how much you want him, how much you love him, that you're letting him do this to you in a semi-public place.

“Bad girl,” he chastises, placing one large hand over your mouth. His pace slows and you practically whine. “Give me your arms,” he instructs.

You immediately reach back and feel him grasp one hand and then the other, pinning them against your lower back. He shifts forward and your toes curl as he sinks even deeper. Then he doesn’t move for several seconds, giving you a moment to adjust to the new position. When you nod he starts again, setting a punishing pace and using his grip on your body to move you how he pleases. You pant against his palm and hear his answering groan when you flex your muscles and squeeze him tightly.

It’s hardly any time at all before that familiar swell of pleasure is rolling through your body in waves, you moan dampened by his palm. Behind you he curses and lets go of your wrists, the hand over your mouth disappearing. He plants a hand between your shoulder blades and pushes you down until your cheek meets cool leather. You know without looking back he’s watching where he disappears inside you.

"I'm gonna give you a little present," Jake pants, his rhythm slowing. “You can carry it around for the rest of the day for me.”

Your eyes close and your fingers curl into little fists as you feel him finish inside you. He gives a few more aborted thrusts and then stills completely. A moment later he settles his hands on your hips as he pulls out of you. He rubs his thumb over your skin and sighs.

“As much as I love staring at you like this, and honey I really do, we better rejoin the group.”

He helps you stand and tugs your dress down, giving you a nice long kiss after. You smile against his lips, about to reach down for your underwear when Rooster appears in the doorway. That sweet, sexy feeling immediately evaporates and Jake stiffen.

“No way,” Rooster says, walking towards you both with a finger pointing accusingly at your boyfriend. “I fucking knew you’d try to have sex in here.”

“What?” You sputter, hand pressed to your chest. “How dare you Rooster – I mean, what is wrong with you? Really?” You ask him, stepping away from Jake. Out of the corner of your eye, you spy your boyfriend surreptitiously kicking your underwear under the couch. “I know you pilots can get vulgar but Jake was just trying to show me your class photo.”

Your response seems to give Rooster pause. He looks questioningly between you and Jake, clearly trying to determine the best course of action. “I’m sorry. I must have misread the situation,” he says finally.

“You certainly did,” you tell him, lips pressed together in a rough approximation of disappointment.

“Yeah, my girlfriend is a classy girl, Bradshaw,” Jake says, curling an arm around your back.

It’s difficult to keep a straight face, especially when you feel a trickle of his cum slide down your leg. You press your thighs together.

"Can we get back to the tour or do you want to chaperon us?" You question him.

"No ma'am,” he says, looking at Jake, a muscle in his jaw jumping before he turns to you again. “I’m sorry for the misunderstanding."

“I think it’s Jake you really owe the apology to.”

You bite the inside of your cheek, trying not to laugh at the look on Rooster’s face. You know Jake’s having the time of his life right now.

“Well?” You prod.

“Sorry, Hangman,” Rooster mumbles, his lip twitching beneath his mustache.

You nod and pat Rooster on the shoulder as you pass. “That’s a good boy.”

You make it around the corner before Jake starts cracking up, a wide smile breaking across his handsome face. "Sweetheart, I didn’t think it was possible to love you any more," he says, pressing his lips against yours and backing you into the wall. "But I do."

You push at his chest and laugh. "No way mister, not again. You need to get my underwear back so we can finish the tour.”

Jake steps back and grins. “Return to the scene of the crime? No can do, darlin,” he says, shaking his head. “Besides, we gotta get a move on. We’re expected at the Hard Deck for celebratory drinks in 15 minutes.”

“Jacob Seresin, you come back here right now,” you demand but he only winks and turns away, hands in his pocket.

You’re gonna kill him.

✥

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[utterlyhopeful-fics]

Welcome Home, Rooster Bradshaw.

summary: It's been a long six months away from home for Bradley, and you're going to give him the welcome you both deserve.

a/n: ignore that this gif is from the offer, ok? It fits the vibe.

pairing: bradley bradshaw x reader

warnings/content: masturbation (m), facesitting, p in v, creampie, dirty talk, bradley's a vocal lover, praise kink.

word count: 3k

taglist: @nouis-bum @floydsmuse @mamachasesmayhem @avengersfan25 @jessicab1991 @atarmychick007 @b-bradshaw @djs8891 @fall-winter-heart97 @primroseluna @silversprings-mp3 @drxgxnslxyer @gardenavenue

Two more days.

Two more days until Bradley could see your face in person again. Two more days until he could be home and in his own space. 

Bradley let out a heavy, tired sigh, reaching his hand under his pillow. He pulled out the picture of you that he’d brought with him on deployment, tracing over your image with his fingers gently. The picture’s edges were becoming curled, worn from being tucked into flight helmets and under pillows, clutched in sweating, sometimes shaking palms, lips pressed to it in a tender kiss on occasion. He admired the photo, he’d taken it on a date you went on before he left. 

His dad’s well-loved Polaroid camera, left to him as a kid, in hand, he’d taken you to Mission Beach for the day, wanting to have the full tourist experience with you before he got shipped to the middle of the Pacific again. He found a store in Coronado that sold film for vintage cameras, building up a small stockpile for himself. He’d given you a full photoshoot that day — pictures snapped at every opportunity. Watching planes fly over head, playing games in the arcade, rides on the wooden rollercoaster, rock climbing, lunch dates, mini golf, and rock climbing. He’d snapped a couple of you in your sundress, smiling sweetly at him for the camera, your hair flowing in the warm Pacific breeze. 

This photo, however, was the one of you laughing on the beach, your baby blue two-piece swimsuit on, the high-waisted bottoms hugging your curves, the coordinating blue top cupping your breasts in a way that pushed them upever so slightly. He could practically hear your laugh whenever he looked at it, and it made his heartache that little bit more each time. 

“Fuck," he muttered to himself, sighing again as he looked around the bunk. 

Jake was on deck for the night, leaving Bradley with the shared space all to himself for at least a couple of hours. He laid back on his bed, tugging his grey sweatpants down off his hips. He spat into his free hand, using it to stroke his cock in a slow, steady pace, your photograph in his other hand, eyes fixed on your figure as he masturbated. 

Fuck, he missed you. 

He shut his eyes, picturing you as he continued to stroke himself, seeing the facial expression you made whenever you rode him, eyes shut with ecstasy, tits bouncing up and down, hips moving, hands pressed to his chest. The mental image alone was almost enough to drive him over the brink. He let out a deep grunt as he finished, your name escaping him in a soft moan. 

Two days couldn’t come soon enough. 

When he finally got home, Bradley was exhausted. The time difference had caused him more jet lag than it usually did, not that he was sleeping well without you to begin with. He never did. He’d landed earlier than anticipated, coming home a day before he was expected. He unlaced his standard issue boots, kicking them off at the door before heading directly to the laundry room. Stripping clean from his uniform, he tossed it into the washing machine, desperate for a shower and fresh, comfortable clothes.

With a dry towel wrapped around his waist, he bounded up the wooden stairs to the main bathroom. He dropped the towel as he turned the shower on, sighing happily as he stepped into the warm water, letting it wash over him for a minute, enjoying one of the first comforts of being home for the first time in six months. 

Stepping out of the tower, he quickly dried himself off and wrapped his towel back around his waist before heading down the hall to the bedroom. Everything was neatly pulled together — freshly laundered sheets on the bed that still smelled like your favourite detergent, his clothes neatly put away for him, fresh flowers sat in a vase on your nightstand, and a new book sat on his, with a note card placed on top. 

B, I saw this the other day at that cute little bookstore on Orange Ave. It made me think of you. I thought you’d like to read it now that you’ll have a little down time. - Love, your girl. Xo

Bradley felt his heart swell as he read your neatly printed note. He picked the book up, scanning the cover with a soft smile before setting it back down. A true crime book about a case in a podcast he’d mentioned in one of his emails home — it was perfect. God, you were perfect.

He tugged a clean white t-shirt over his head before reaching into his dresser for clean boxer briefs and a pair of well-loved denim shorts that were beginning to fray around the cuffs from being worn so frequently. Bradley looked out the bedroom window at the landscape, happy to finally be home. He’d missed all the little things while he was gone — the palm trees, the smell of those little laundry scent beads you swore by, your coordinating body wash, shampoo and conditioner that you insisted on buying for him when you’d learned he’d been coasting through life for 37 years with a 3-in-1 bottle — almost as much as he’d missed you. 

Downstairs in the kitchen, he got to work crafting himself the sandwich to top all sandwiches. He was starving, and after months of bland, unexciting meals on board an aircraft carrier, all he wanted was comfort food. With his turkey club piled high and a glass bottle of Coke from Mexico in hand, he settled into his favourite chair and began to enjoy himself until you came home from work.

When you did come home, you heard the faint sound of voices coming from the back of the house. You dropped your bag at the front door, running through the house so quickly, you’d forgotten to take your shoes off. In the living room sat Bradley, in his favourite, well-loved chair, dozing as sports highlights played in the background, a plate with remnants of a sandwich and a half-finished bottle of Coke sat on the table beside him. 

You leaned in, pressing your lips to his forehead as you stroked his curls, breathing in the smell of his shampoo. He was finally home.

Bradley’s eyes fluttered open, a smile forming on his lips as he wrapped his arms tightly around you, his nose pressed to your neck as you settled into his lap. 

“Missed you,” he murmured against your skin, peppering you with kisses.

“Missed you more, B,” you echoed as you raked your fingers through his hair. 

“God, I missed you so much, honey. This might have been the hardest trip away from you yet.” 

Bradley’s hands rested firmly on your hips as his lips wandered down your neck to your collarbone. He mumbled against your skin, shoving the strap of your tank top down off of your shoulder. His teeth grazed at your exposed, sun kissed skin, causing you to let out a gasp. 

“Bradley!” you squealed, laughing as his deep brown eyes looked at you, taking in the sight of your face again. 

“Mhmm, I missed that laugh of yours,” he hummed, his large hands moving to cup your breasts. “I’ve missed these tits of yours too.”

“I bet you have, were Jake’s not doing it for you?” you teased.

Bradley scoffed as he pulled your tank top off over your head, tossing it off to somewhere in the void across the room. With one hand snaked around your back, he unfastened your bra in one fluid motion, discarding it to the floor. He grinned at you before pressing his mouth back to your collarbone, thumbs tracing circles over your nipples as they pebbled at his touch.

“No, one’s could do it for me like yours do, honey, you know that. Look at you. So pretty for me. My girl’s always looking pretty, ain’t she?” he purred between kisses to your breasts. 

“Bradley,” you laughed, shaking your head, “This is what you want now that you’re finally home?”

“I’ve been wantin’ this since about two hours after I left, six months without you has been torture. I contemplated quitting when I came home. I thought about faking an injury so they’d discharge me. I tried thinking up a thousand ways to come home early — all of them bad.” He nodded, as he looked up at you, hands still cupping your tits. 

“Mhmm, you thought about quitting for me? That’s not the Bradley Bradshaw I know.”

“I swear, honey, this time…this time was harder than usual.”

“Well, I’m all yours now,” you nodded, your hand stroking his cheek. 

Bradley hummed to himself, tilting his head to the side as he thought for a minute. He looked at you, watching as you bit your lower lip. The sight of you alone after so much time apart was enough to make him hard, but now it was becoming unbearable. He needed you. He craved you. 

“Upstairs, now,” he urged, nodding his head as you got off his lap.

You grinned to yourself as you headed up the stairs, walking just slowly enough to your bedroom so Bradley could catch the way your hips swayed with every step, your taut ass bouncing with each movement. It was enough to drive any man insane, but Bradley could barely contain himself. 

Fuck, he missed you.

He pushed you on to the bed, crawling on all fours as he hovered over your body with a wide grin plastered to his face. You placed a hand on his chest, steadying him as your smile faltered for a second. You held your breath for a moment before exhaling, nodding slowly as Bradley sat back on his knees for a minute. 

“Go easy on me, big guy, it’s been a long six months, I’m out of practice,” you teased, grinning at him.

“Shoot, honey, I thought you were gonna tell me you didn’t want me to-never mind, I’ll go easy on ya. I always do, don’t I?”

“Roo, you do the exact opposite of going easy.” You grinned, rolling your eyes at Bradley. 

Bradley repositioned himself over your body, smirking as he took in the sight of you again. His lips began trailing down your abdomen your shorts, sending chills running up and down your spine with every breathy kiss, every drag of his mustache against your skin. With a skillful hand, he popped the button on your shorts open, sitting up as he pulled them off of you. He hooked two fingers into the crotch of your lace trimmed underwear, shoving them out of the way as he ducked his head between your thighs. Feather-light kisses dotted your inner thighs before his mouth found your core. He flattened his tongue against your slit, running it up your folds slowly as he savoured everything he’d missed for the last six months. 

“Just as pretty as I remember it, fuck.”

His fingers spread your folds apart, giving him better access to your clit. The tip of his tongue traced shapes along it, pressing varying degrees of pressure into you, the tip of his nose pressing into your puffy cunt, swollen from how badly you’d been wanting him for the last six months. He mumbled something against your skin, his lips vibrating against your clit as he pressed another kiss to you. He sat himself up fully, smirking at you.

“Get up, pretty girl, I have an idea.”

You let out a whine in protest, sitting up on the bed as Bradley now laid down on his back. Shooting him a look, you raised your palms in protest, shaking your head at him.

“Bradley, you seriously stopped so I would give it to you instead?”

“What? No,” Bradley laughed, shaking his head as he gestured to his face. “Take a seat.”

“You want me to…?”

Bradley lifted his head up off the pillow, giving you a lustful stare, his eyebrows knitting together as he nodded his head. “Did I stutter? Take. A. Seat.”

You rolled your eyes, giving your head a shake as you slipped out of your underwear, dropping them to the floor. Climbing back on to the bed, you hovered yourself above Bradley’s mouth, looking down at him as you chewed on your lip. He shook his head, his mustache tickling at your inner thigh as he kissed up your leg. In one swift motion, he gripped your thighs tightly, pulling you down until his lips were directly under your dripping core, smirking as he murmured against your skin again. 

“That’s my girl. I’ve missed this pussy so fuckin’ much.” He grunts, nodding his head slightly as he buries his tongue into you, nose pressed to your clit. 

“Bradley!” you whimper, your eyes fluttering shut as you reached down, fingers tugging on his dark curls.

Bradley’s tongue worked into you at a breakneck speed, so fast that you wondered how he was able to breathe. His hands gripped your thighs tightly, blunt fingernails digging into your soft skin as he held you in place. His mouth worked on you relentlessly, refusing to let up until he had you a screaming, crying, pretty little mess, just how he (and you) liked it. 

“Bradley, Bradley, Bradley,” you babbled, unable to say anything other than his name as his tongue fucked into you. 

He grunted into your cunt again, mumbling words of praise into your skin. “Tastes so fuckin’ sweet, honey, so fuckin’ sweet.” He growled before delving his tongue into you again.

Your thighs began to shudder and shake, spasming as you felt your orgasm hit you harder than ever before. You shut your eyes, tears stinging as Bradley continued, not breaking his rhythm once as you came, his tongue quickly lapping at your arousal hungrily. He moved his mouth up to your clit, kissing at it with a couple of powerful sucks before pulling his mouth away. He let go of your thighs, a couple of darker marks forming on your skin from where he got carried away, gripping you a little too tightly. You got up, sitting on the bed, panting as you tried to find your mental clarity again. 

Bradley rolled onto his side and surveyed your thigh, pressing gentle kisses to the darkened marks on your skin in apology. Once you found your words again, his big brown eyes looked up at you from where he was laying on the bed. 

“Roo,” you nodded, placing a hand on his cheek, “I missed you so much.”

“I missed ya too, honey. Ain’t done with ya yet though.”

With that, Bradley quickly shimmied out of his denim shorts and boxers, kicking them off clumsily. He crawled across the bed, finding the spot between your thighs. His hands smoothed over your legs, lifting them up and hoisting them up onto his shoulders. You curved your knees around him as he aligned his hardened cock with your entrance, easing into you with a soft groan. 

“That’s my girl, taking me so well. You missed this cock, didn’t you? Missed me fillin’ ya up, huh, pretty girl?” He purred, pausing as he felt your walls stretching around him. 

“Yes, baby,” you nodded, whining as he stretched you. 

God, he was right. You did miss him. You missed him more than you wanted to let on, you missed his presence, his voice, the silly things he’d do that pissed you off, you missed the way he made love to you, passionate and caring, full of praise, making it his life’s mission to make you feel good. He took it as seriously as his work - calculated movements, using the same precision and laser-focus he did in the air.

Your eyelids fluttered shut again as you felt him pull out of you, pushing himself back into you again with a powerful thrust of his hips. Bradley tutted his tongue against the roof of his mouth, refusing to move again. “Nuh-uh, baby girl, keep those pretty eyes on me. Want you lookin’ at me when I fuck you, got it?”

You nodded dumbly as he pounded into your entrance again, making your head spin as your walls clenched around him. He began thrusting into you, starting slowly as he found his rhythm again, savouring every movement, every inch of you that he’d missed over the last six months. Bradley gently pressed his palm into your pubic bone as he thrusted harder, faster into you, the sensation heightening with the added pressure he was giving. You could tell by the knot turning in your stomach that it wasn’t going to be long before you were coming for him again, and if Bradley had his way, it wouldn’t be the last time you did tonight. 

“Feelin’ so fuckin’ good, pretty girl. That’s my girl. That’s my pretty girl,” he praised, his confident demeanor melting away, leaving Bradley a pussy drunk, babbling mess, unable to say anything other than your praises, repeating your name over and over as if it was a spoken prayer.

“‘M not gonna last, honey,” Bradley shook his head as he moaned breathlessly.

Fuck.

His breath hitched in his throat as his hips slowed, stilling as he came inside of you. Bradley let out the deepest grunt you’d ever heard — the past six months of missing you drawing out of him along with it. Ducking his head down as he tried to catch his breath, his curls slicked and stuck to his forehead with sweat, he panted heavily, gently letting your legs go as you dropped them back down to the bed. He looked up at you, deep brown eyes fixed on your features as he nodded breathlessly.

“Fuck, I missed you, honey. I missed this, and you, and home.”

“Welcome home, Rooster. Welcome home.”

[utterlyhopeful-fics]

[utterlyhopeful-fics]

gone. | 2

Pairing: Azriel x fem reader

Word Count: 3.2K

Warnings: Slight angst, unrequited love, fluff, reconciliation, kind of miscommunication.

Summary: Sometimes it take's heartbreak to move on.

<< Previous Part

The voice beckoned to him like a siren's call, pulling Azriel through the familiar halls of the house in a daze. His shadows moved with urgency, some darting ahead while others tugged at their master, urging him to quicken his pace.

There was a small part of him that knew why they were behaving in such a way, but there was a sinking feeling that came with that revelation. 

Azriel felt as though he had forgotten how to breathe when he finally laid eyes on you.

Of course it was your melodic voice that had drawn him.

Caught in a bear hug by Cassian, you were lifted off the ground and spun around amidst the joyful chaos of your friends who had gathered in the foyer of the River House to greet you. You had returned at last. Your laughter rippled through the house, filling it with a warmth that had been dearly missed.

Six months had passed.

Six agonising months. 182 days.

Azriel had been counting every single one since the moment you departed after Solstice.

The day after your departure, Rhys had declared that you had been sent on an urgent undercover mission to the continent. It was a mission originally briefed for both you and Azriel, but in the span of mere hours since your last interaction with the Shadowsinger, the plan had shifted. To Azriel's dismay, Rhys had approved your solo assignment.

Azriel had argued vehemently with Rhys that day, his frustration boiling over until he was blue in the face. But Rhys remained steadfast, unwilling to change his decision or disclose your whereabouts. Azriel knew deep down that you had been sent alone because of him, that you had chosen a means to escape from the pain he had caused you, and the weight of that knowledge only added to his self-hatred.

After you left him in the library that night, Azriel had desperately searched for you, his heart heavy with regret. He wanted to speak with you, to mend the fractured pieces of your friendship. But despite his efforts, you remained elusive, slipping through his fingers like mist.

Even his shadows, loyal companions that they were, failed to locate you. Always returning empty-handed. It was as though you had vanished into the night, leaving Azriel to grapple with his own turmoil alone. He knew his shadows wouldn't divulge your whereabouts even if they found you; their allegiance to you had always been unwavering.

Their disobedience was a punishment he deserved. You didn’t owe him anything more than you had already shared. You had already revealed your heart to him.

And your heart wasn’t something he ever imagined being worthy of.

So he pleaded with his shadows then, if they wouldn’t tell him where you were that they must promise to keep you safe.

And with that several tendrils left him, not hesitating with their duty.

Though the end of your mission was anticipated, the exact date of your return remained uncertain. Due to the covert nature of your assignment, communication had been scarce. Yet, every now and then, a note bearing your unmistakable perfect handwriting would appear in the dining room.

Safe. It would reassure.

And for a brief moment your family would ease from their worries, Azriel though, remained on edge, his concerns never truly leaving.

Frozen in place, Azriel watched as tears of joy flowed freely from his family's eyes, overwhelmed by your homecoming. Despite the trials you had undoubtedly faced, you appeared radiant, a sun-kissed glow gracing your skin that perhaps spoke subtly of where you may have been stationed on your journey.

Azriel’s eyes slowly moved over your features, his gaze taking in every inch of you. Devouring this moment and saving it somewhere deep in his mind, because this version of you he didn’t deserve. He felt unworthy of the sight before him, fearing that you would never want to share this radiant version of yourself with him.

His throat tightened as your face turned to him, catching him lurking with his shadows in the corner. His companions that had accompanied you through your time away, quickly returned to their master, fluttering quickly to be amongst the others, seeking approval that they’d done their job. That they’d kept you safe.

But Azriel couldn’t even bask in their return as he stared at you. Azriel was terrified, terrified of what expression would bore your face when you saw him. He had caused you so much pain, surely you detested him? But instead your expression became bright and your smile spread wider at the sight of him.

Azriel dared not trust his heart to continue beating if your expression had reflected true hatred. It was a fear that had haunted his every dream since the day you departed, a relentless torment that gripped him. So when your expression softened into that smile that reached your eyes he felt himself slump in relief.

In the six months of your absence, something within him had changed. Your confession, with your absence, had lifted a veil that had clouded his vision for far too long.

With you no longer by his side, Azriel had felt the void you left behind keenly. He had always held you in the highest regard, placing you on a pedestal that he believed himself unworthy to approach. There were times he had even considered himself unworthy of your friendship, which was why he cherished you so dearly. But your confession to him, had shattered the barriers he had erected, revealing how the depth of his own self-worth had brought blindness to himself.

And in turn, caused you so much pain.

“Azriel.” You smiled softly, tilting your head as you took in your best friend. Despite the turmoil churning within him, he couldn't help but feel a flicker of hope stir in his chest at the sight of you.

You’re not sure you’d seen him look so broken in all your centuries of knowing him, and there was a twang of guilt that surged through your chest. With two quick strides you moved to him, knowing he was too respectful to cross that boundary himself. 

Your arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him into a warm embrace.

For a moment, he simply allowed himself to bask in the comfort of your presence, the familiar scent of you filling his senses and calming the anxiety raging within him. It took a while for him to trust his movements, before he let his arms wrap around your back, fully sinking into your warmth and hold.

His heartbeat was loud, fast and fluttering. Concern filled the outer corners of your mind as you felt your friend's composure falter, how rare it was to see him this way.

Drawing back gently, you met the gaze of your friend. His eyes, a mesmerising hazel, held a sadness within them that made your heart ache. His long lashes fluttered with each blink, and his jaw was pulled tightly as if not trusting himself to speak.

You couldn’t help but indulge in his beauty for a moment, as sad as he may have looked. Azriel had always looked like he’d been carved by the gods, so painstakingly beautiful. It had been so easy to fall for this face, and you had to be careful to not do it again.

When you left, things had reached a breaking point. It felt less like a departure and more like an escape—a desperate bid to flee from the shattered remnants of your heart and friendship. True, the mission loomed ahead, a joint task that was supposed to be with Azriel, and was still a month away. But facing him, working side by side after his rejection, seemed an unimaginable task. So you made the choice to run, to seize control for yourself.

So you ran away that night. Stealing the reports from Rhys’s office was a risky move, but it felt like the only option. You had to do this alone. You had sent a mental message to Rhys of your choice, he didn’t once force you to return. Despite your actions being so unlike yourself, perhaps it was the raw vulnerability he had witnessed in the hallway that night that steered his hand in giving you this control. Instead, Rhys supported your decision, expecting you to stay in touch and made you promise you would let them know if you needed help.

But that time and space was exactly what you needed. Those six months became a transformation. At first, the weight of your heart was heavy. The bitterness of rejection, a constant companion, thoughts of Azriel and Elain often haunted your daydreaming and nights. 

Yet, with time, you found comfort in solitude. You had learned to embrace the stillness, confront the pain and eventually allow yourself the space to heal. Your day-to-day tasks of stealth, stalking and slaughtering was also a welcomed distraction, but in the midst of some close encounters it really did give you a new perspective.

That even though your romantic feelings towards Azriel may have been rejected, you still refused to let that fracture your friendship. You realised you would much rather suffer a little, to ensure your friends happiness even if that wasn’t with you.

Sacrificing your own desires for Azriel felt like a small price to pay.

For Azriel deserved nothing less than that. Out of all your family, your brooding friend truly deserved the most. And if Elain was the key to his happiness, then you would embrace her presence in his life, even as it stirred heartbreak within you.

And instead you would be grateful for the parts of him you did get to have– his laughter, his counsel, his friendship.

Because a life without Azriel, wasn’t a life you wanted to live.

Azriel found himself captivated by your gaze, drawn into the depths of your eyes after so long apart. There was a sadness etched into his features that caused your brows to furrow sympathetically. With a tender hand, you reached out, your hand finding its way to his cheek. The gentle pressure of your touch– something he had longed for so deeply in these months apart, made his eyes close briefly, a shaky exhale escaping his lips in response.

“Hey, don’t look at me like that” you whispered, pulling a soft smile onto your lips hoping your optimism in this would give him the reassurance he needed. It dawned on you then, the toll your abrupt departure and heartfelt confession might have taken on him. How you should have known he would spiral into self-blame. 

Azriel's throat tightened with emotion as he struggled to find the right words to express his own feelings. "Gods, I have missed you," he finally whispered, his voice laced with a softness as he met your gaze, his hands were on your waist now and he was completely lost in you. 

Lost in that beautiful glowing smile you had so kindly shared with him.

He needed to speak with you, needed to apologise, needed to try and repair the damage he had unknowingly caused. Explain to you how he was the foolish one, admit he had been blind not only to you but his own feelings. But before he could even phantom how he would express all that, Mor was quick to tug you away.

“How come he gets that kind of welcome? I want more of you!” Mor whined, her tone teasing as she looped her arm around yours.

It was clear Rhys had kept to your word on not sharing your true reason for a hasty escape. No, that was something between you and Azriel only.

And even though your family had noticed a shift with Azriel during your absence, they chalked it up to only missing you. 

❊

Your reunion with your family was filled with laughter and chatter as they eagerly filled you in on everything you had missed during your absence. 6 months to Fae, in the grand scheme of things was such a small amount of time, but your life, your family dynamic was so different now that you felt as though you had missed so much. They seemed to take turns vying for your attention, each craving a moment in your company. Mor was the first to claim her spot, promptly sprawling across your lap, her hair cascading around her as she regaled you with tales of the latest gossip from Rita’s.

Next came Nyx, rousing from his nap to claim his turn on your lap. As you held him, a mixture of joy and sadness swirled within you, struck by how rapidly he was growing and how much you felt you had missed. Then it was Cassian's turn, settling on the floor between your legs with his wings spread awkwardly to either side of your chair. Apparently, you were the only one who could braid his hair gently enough, as Nesta was too harsh he had told you before sending his mate a glare which she ignored with an eye roll.

Your fingers moved with practised ease as they threaded through his locks, weaving them into two neat plaits while the voices of your family filled the room. Amidst the chatter, one name struck a chord within you, causing you to momentarily freeze.

“So yeah, Elain moved in with Lucien about four months ago,” Feyre continued, unaware of the effect her words had on you. “They’re living in Day Court now, but I’ll make sure to send word to her about your return. She’ll be so happy to know you’re back.”

Your gaze involuntarily drifted towards the Shadowsinger, who had been silent since your arrival but now fixed his intense stare on you. Confusion swirled within you. While you were aware of Lucien and Elain's bond, and you couldn't deny the strength of any mating bond, you couldn't shake the feeling that there was something more between her and Azriel.

Wasn’t there?

If there wasn’t, what had you walked in on all those months ago?

"I swear they’ll be tying the knot soon, absolutely besotted with each other," Feyre exclaimed with a radiant smile.

"That's wonderful news, Fey. I'm genuinely happy for them. Perhaps we should plan a trip to visit them in Day soon," you suggested.

"Oh, count me in!" Mor chimed in enthusiastically. "And a chance to see Helion again wouldn't hurt," she added with a playful purr, eliciting an eye roll from you as you finished braiding Cassian's hair.

“Get the chance to have any fun on your trip?” Mor continued, shooting you a teasing look.

“Trip?” You scoffed. “It was a high-stakes mission, not some holiday.”

“No time for any kind of fun at all then?” She pouted. You knew exactly what she was implying.

You hesitated for a moment, you could feel his eyes on you. As if anticipating your answer. Azriel’s gaze hadn’t left you since you’d arrived, and if you didn’t know him so well you might have considered it unsettling. 

But you hadn't had any fun. As Mor liked to call it. Not that there hadn't been a few opportunities to seek the warmth of someones bed, but the calling to do so never came.

“No fun for me.” You ignored his gaze, tilting your head “Sadly.” you added. 

“Shame, I was really hoping for some juicy insights of your escapades.” Mor sang.

The conversation veered toward planning a long-overdue night out at Rita’s, and you let your friends debate whether it should be exclusively a girls' night, with Cassian humorously advocating for his inclusion.

Seizing a moment while your friends were engrossed in their discussion, you quietly rose from your seat and made your way toward the Shadowsinger, who observed you with an unreadable expression. Offering him a gentle smile, you gestured for him to follow you out of the room.

Your departure went unnoticed by the rest of your family, a testament to your usual stealthy movements. There was a reason you and Azriel were usually paired together on missions, always so silent and unseen. But, you felt a sense of urgency in having this conversation with Azriel, especially after six long months.

Out in the garden, the setting sun bathed the surroundings in a golden hue, casting warm light over the grass and flowers. You noticed here Elain's absence more, the garden not as vibrant without her green-fingered touch.

You settled onto a bench, closing your eyes momentarily to bask in the sun's rays kissing your face. Azriel could have just stayed in that moment indefinitely, captured by the soft expression on your face that basked under the sunlight. He moved quietly beside you, the proximity of you was something he had missed and it was taking every control he had not to hug you again.

And was it only a hug he wanted?

Either way he still felt unworthy of your touch.

“I think we should probably talk…” you chuckled sheepishly, suddenly feeling slightly awkward but you faced him, and he replied with a nod.

There were words brewing inside Azriel, thoughts and feelings he had only recently come to terms with in your absence. But before he could find the courage to speak, you surprised him with an unexpected apology.

“I’m really sorry Az.”

Azriel began to shake his head. He was confused, you had nothing to be sorry for.

“Az, please, let me say my piece,” you insisted, your hands finding his on his lap. Your touch sent a shiver down his spine as your thumb traced over the scars on his hands. “It was unfair of me. I’ve realised that now. The position I put you in.”

Azriel shook his head gently, but you pressed on, your gaze drifting to the sky as you cringed a little when reflecting on your confession you had dramatically spilled to Azriel all those months ago. “The expectations I had for you, expecting you to return my feelings when I had never even made my affection clear—it was unfair.”

“Y/n…” Azriel murmured softly, disbelief colouring his voice.

“It’s my fault for not being honest,” you continued, a self-deprecating laugh escaping your lips. “How can I expect someone to return my feelings if I don’t make them known? So silly of me, really.”

You squeezed his hands gently, and Azriel felt a tug at his heart as he listened to your words. “And I realised when I was away that it was okay if you didn’t feel the same. If you wanted someone else. Whether that be Elain…” You trailed off, acknowledging that perhaps that wasn't to be Azriel's fate anymore. “Or someone else entirely. As long as they made you happy.”

“Because truly, that’s all I want. And it’s genuinely what you deserve.”

Azriel was at a loss for words, his mind racing. This wasn’t how he had expected this conversation to go. No, he thought it would be a chance for him to be honest, but as he looked at you, so radiant and at peace he couldn’t bring himself to selfishly express his deepest desires.

Didn’t dare to disrupt the healing you had clearly worked so hard on.

“You’re so wonderful, Azriel,” you beamed, holding his hands tightly. “So wonderful that I’m just grateful for a part of you. This part of you—the part where we’re best friends.”

“So what do you say Az, best friends again?”

He saw it then, the slight fear in your eyes that he might reject this too. So he buried whatever feelings had creeped up these past months, assuring himself too that even just a small part of you was all he needed.

“Always.” A smile spread on his lips gently, and he watched as the shaky breath you’d been keeping in left your lips. You laughed softly before pouncing on the Shadowsinger, hugging him tightly.

This would be enough, he told himself.

This was all you needed, you told yourself.

Who would have guessed you'd both become a pair of liars.

Final Part >> Coming soon

a/n: oh wait sorry, was this the second part you wanted...wait no, you wanted them to get together??....hmmm you might just have to wait and see ;) but I promise I'll try give you the resolution you want! - Lottie

Forever tags: @sleepylunarwolf @daily-dose-of-sass@alittlelostalittlefound-blog@milswrites@amberlynn98@marscardigan @illyrianbitch

[utterlyhopeful-fics]

pairing: jake ‘hangman’ seresin x f!pilot!reader

fucking jake seresin was the last thing you thought you’d find yourself doing—so far down on the list of things you should do, while number one on the list of things you shouldn’t do—that you didn’t think you’d have to remind yourself why getting entangled into your fellow pilots world of cocky grins and cheap shots was a bad idea. but call yourself cliché because you can’t seem to stay away from him, no matter how annoying or good with his tongue he is.

readers call sign: sweets

content warnings: explicit sexual content, enemies with benefits, angst, unprotected piv, praise kink, dirty talk, jealousy, cocky hangman, porn with plot.

✶ inspo tag | top gun masterlist | playlist

CHAPTER INDEX

exception

coveted façade

veracious

cruise control

green light

currently accepting headcanon/drabble requests and discussions for this series, feel free to send something in!