#reduce weight how to do that in a healthy way | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

Visit Blog

Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.

Fun Fact

If you dial 1-866-584-6757, you can leave an audio post for your followers.

#reduce weight how to do that in a healthy way

4theitgirls · 5 months

Text

a beginners guide to pilates

🎀 what is pilates?

pilates is a form of strength training exercise that focuses on low to medium impact movements to improve muscle tone, stability, endurance, and mobility. pilates also focuses more on the smaller muscles of the body compared to traditional strength or weight training.

🎀 benefits of pilates

including the benefits that exercise generally brings, pilates:

improves mind-body connection and body control

improves active flexibility and mobility

works the core, improving stability

improves coordination and balance

reduces mental and physical stress

works muscles that can be neglected in our daily lives

treats and prevents body pain, including menstrual pain

teaches you how to pair your breath with your body

keeps the joints healthy without putting pressure on them

🎀 where to start

while you can absolutely start with studio or reformer classes, you can also do pilates routines on youtube! i recommend move with nicole and dansique fitness. if you want to get your cardio in as well, i absolutely recommend eleni fit. her workouts are some of the best i’ve ever tried!

🎀 personal tips

keep your core in mind. core strength is a major benefit of pilates because each movement requires at least a mild amount of core work to keep your body stable, so do your best to keep the engagement throughout.

start slow. pilates movements can take a while to fully understand and it can take a while to build the mind-body connection, so don’t push yourself too far in the beginning. your coordination will improve over time!

don’t underestimate it! while the movements are generally slower than other types of exercise, you will work your muscles just as much and in a way they may not have been worked before. sometimes i even find pilates more difficult than hiit or weights!

5K notes · View notes

morganitering · 5 months

Text

Because I'm the Weakest II: The Women Who Never Won

Pairings/character dynamics: Satosugu, Shoko and reader, Nanami and reader, implied shoko x utahime

Contains and warnings: DARK FIC/DEAD DOVE fem!reader, Suicidal ideation, rape aftermath, referenced rape (not written out in this chap), depression, alcohol abuse, misogyny & sexism, internalized sexism, sexual harassment on minors done by minors, victim blaming (thoughts), self harm, angst, hurt & comfort, I call noncon with the official word for it

Word count: ~9,6k

Summary: There's certain desperation when you try to keep your head above water. You were drowning and all you wanted to do was to forget, the weight on your shoulders unbearable. Despite the cards you were dealt with you found yourself among allies as the web of untold memories started to unfold.

A/N: Hey! Yall waited long for this, sorry about that. I have no idea how to tag this but I'll just do it somehow, bc this is a tricky chapter. Here yall get to dive deeper in the stuff that has gone down before the events that took place in 1st chap and get a hug from Shoko. This is hopefully the last installment of this. Read the tags carefully as always and make informed decisions based on that and take care of yourself. Shit can get heavy, but I'm trying to do this in good taste.

Read on ao3 part I

Shoko Ieiri had worked a long time with people who suffered. She had seen it all, limbs cut off, even the toughest of sorcerers reduced to crying messes as they practically had their innards falling to the floor. There’s something utterly horrifying watching a patient, no – a friend scream in pain when even her skills were not enough. Funerals came and went, the white sheet thrown over the deceased on the operation table in the same routine way she’d change her linens. Nothing really shocked her.

That’s what she liked to think.

Your visits have been more frequent. It started with bruises and sprained ankles. Then it was broken bones that soon turned to puncture wounds, your clothes sticky with deep red and dirt. When she asked about it, you laughed it off saying it’s nothing, just a silly little mishap, “I was too reckless in the heat of the moment.” But your eyes were empty, your words hollow like a dead tree. Of course Shoko did her job, without asking too much. You’re an adult and you’ll speak about it if you want to, right? Her job was to keep you alive. Your job was to exorcise curses.

Shoko and you had been close too, hanging out with the two men, but at some point in high school she had withdrawn from the group. Gojo and Geto had tried to keep in touch with her in adulthood, inviting her as well to spend time together as the four of them, but she had always declined, smoothly changing their relationship to acquaintances at best. She heard enough of the despicable men from you. The only times she was in direct contact with Gojo and Geto was work related and god how she hoped that it would stay that way. She’ll play that pretend game almost happily.

Shoko closed the office door the day turning to evening, sundown coloring the city in hues of orange and yellow. She held onto her little black purse, thankfully it was friday. A man stood on the long corridor, standing upright as if he did not belong here. He looked indifferent, almost bored.

“Nanami.”

“Ieiri.”

They greeted each other with a curt nod.

“So what brings you here? You seem healthy enough,” Shoko asked as they walked to the open parking lot, only a few cars in sight. The warm summer sun caressed her cheeks, wind making her long hair flow in waves.

“I think she’s going through something,” Nanami stated as a matter of fact talking about you. He and you had gone on missions together, but something about you wasn’t right. He had seen the way you clutch your weapon, throw yourself at the enemy recklessly almost as if you had a death wish. It’s like you waited for your end.

“No shit.” Shoko chuckled amused. It was as clear as a day if you just had eyes on yourself. “Why do you care?”

“I’ve seen enough people spiral to know where it leads. You’re a healer, can’t you help?” His voice was thoughtful, not betraying a hint of emotions.

“I can’t help a person who doesn’t want it,” Shoko said. “But I’ll try to figure something out.”

“And that is enough. Thank you.”

***

You hated meetings and rarely took part in them if you could avoid them. You had not met Gojo or Geto after the unfortunate night. If there were some work related things where there was a possibility to meet either of the men, you requested to be part of them remotely or that someone would just forward the key points. But after doing this for a few months Yaga had sent you a passive-aggressive email writing that it is absolutely mandatory for you to show yourself at least once in a while. You didn’t bother to answer him with anything other than a polite see you there.

Honestly you were tired. Your whole body ached in overexertion. Sleep escaped from you, ran a marathon around the block never stopping at your house, and every time you seemed to catch a break, hazy images you rather forbid being real filled your vision. Your eyebags told a story of exhaustion, your body shrinking in every possible way away. You went to see a doctor, not Shoko, just some normal practitioner from the private sector that you ended up paying yourself sick for.

The doctor gave you pills to help you with sleep. He asked you if you were stressed or going through some sorts of crisis. You answered with a diligent no and explained that you’ve always had issues with sleep, but you were otherwise okay. He looked at you, raising his eyebrow in suspicion, the glasses on his head hung on his nose by a thread. He decided to believe you as he wrote the prescription, but insisted you took home pamphlets about depression and crisis hotlines.

You tried the pills. You did fall asleep, but only after a panic attack wrecked through your body as the effect of the medication forced you into a deep slumber. The pills made you feel your pulse in your whole body. “It’s a quite strong product, previously used to treat psychosis, but nowadays it’s for patients with severe insomnia. Take it one hour before sleep. The effect might be really sudden.”

When you woke up you decided to throw them away. It’s better to not to sleep if it meant that you’d go free from the horrors of the night you had experienced.

The huge meeting table sprawled out horizontally and was able to sit around fifteen people in it. It had several small electric outlets for computers and tablets. Light poured in from the big windows, the blinds only halfway done. You stared at the weird scribbling on the white board that Principal Yaga was wiping furiously, muttering things about how students shouldn’t be let in this room under any circumstance since they can’t differentiate which markers are okay to use on it.

You exchanged pleasantries with him. The room was devoid of people since you were too early. You swung your leather bag on the back of the upholstered office chair and sat yourself down.

Shoko walked in and her face lit up a little bit when she saw you sitting there. It was subtle, you thought that you were maybe the only one who could differentiate that expression from her. She sat next to you, a faint hint of neroli wrapping you to its calming aroma.

Next came Meimei and then Utahime who came running to you two giving a happy hug to Shoko. They were so cute together, you thought to yourself as you fidgeted with your slightly too big shoes, constantly removing them and pushing them back to your feet. People don’t usually like small talk, but nonetheless the group chatted with each other. They had to, because it’s polite and you were coworkers. You thought that small talk was easy. The script of it was burnt to your brains for the rest of your life. You get to keep people at an arm's length and keep up appearances, so what’s there not to like?

A familiar blonde man stood in the doorway. You checked your phone for the time. Only five minutes before the official start. Yuki also appeared after Nanami.

“Hello,” he said and nodded at you as he sat himself next to you. Your whole body stiffened around him. It was hard to look him in the eyes and even harder to work missions with.

It was ten minutes past the official time when the meeting was supposed to start.

“Sorry we are late.” Two men marched in the room with confident strides and took their place in front of you facing you, that was sitting in between Nanami and Shoko, Utahime next to the doctor. Suguru sat down next to Yuki leaving a space for Satoru who had Meimei next to him.

Hearing Suguru’s voice made your skin crawl.

“It’s fine,” Yaga said and looked over his shoulder to look at the white screen he had pulled down earlier with only a blue screen reflecting on the fabric. “I can’t seem to get this work anyway,” he mumbled.

“Do you need help?” Suguru walked over to the man struggling over his laptop. “Have you checked the HDMI-cable?”

“Of course I have, I just don’t understand why it won't work. We have Ijichi remote today,” he muttered partially to himself.

“Let me.”

You sat fidgeting on your chair focusing on everything else than the two men and their presence that suffocated you. If you were a candle they’d be snuffing you out but not properly, no, that would be too kind. They’d always let enough air in so that you’d never be completely put out.

“Hello to you girls.. and Nanami,” Satoru flashed a playful grin at the four of you. Your head jerked involuntarily to look at the man. Thank god he has a habit of covering his eyes, but somehow that made him even worse.

“Hello. How are you?” Nanami nodded politely.

“I’m well. Hopefully the work isn’t stressing you out too much.” Satoru’s smile widened.

“Speaking of work, I’ve heard that you and her have started doing missions together,” Satoru nudged his head towards you as he spoke directly to Nanami. “I actually green lighted the idea of sorcerers working more together. It’s good to practice teamwork and I put in good words for the two of you, since you compliment each other with the techniques you have. ” Satoru moved his head to look your way as he drew out his words in a way that you’d be sure to catch the dual meaning.

The wall flashed a few times showing the computer screen and it’s default wallpaper for only a moment and after that went back to blue.

“An idea that I actually can get behind,” Nanami said agreeably.

Your eye twitched.

“Really? That was your doing?” You barely hid the anger of your voice. One more push and you’d pour your life savings on an amoral hitman, not that you’d believe that anyone could finish him off. It was a thought just for you so you could at least think about being mean in your own petty way.

“Not a fan of working in groups of two? How about in groups of three?”

“You fucking piece of-”

“Okay I think it’s working now,” Yaga put his hands together straightening himself properly. Suguru walked over to Satoru, slightly shaking his head before he sat down. You heard Utahime’s quiet “okayy..” whispered in the awkward silence.

“Unfortunately principal Gakuganji wasn’t able to make it today, he’s sick or something.”

You heard Gojo scoff audibly.

“Try to respect him.” Yaga shot a glare in the young teacher’s way.

“Ijichi and Nitta have gathered data about the hotspots of cursed activity,” he continued and opened up the window to teams only to be greeted by a tired looking black haired man in a suit. The background behind him was red, it looked like some type of wallpaper and small paintings covered the walls. You reckoned it was a hotel room. Or a motel, you really could not tell.

“Ijichi, do you hear me? Would you like to take over?” Yaga’s voice boomed louder as if he wasn’t already near his computer.

The grainy picture of the tired man smiling uncomfortably stayed still a little too long to be taken as a real time reaction to Yaga’s question.

“I hear you. Sorry, the connection here is a bit bad.” Ijichi’s voice echoed in the office room. The picture of a slideshow appeared on the wall, making Ijichi’s face smaller.

The map of Tokyo loomed on the wall as everyone stared at it intensely, more or less dozing off. Some parts of it had big red circles on them and Ijichi explained the way these places were having exceptionally heavy activity. He reckoned that partially the rise in activity tied to the sorcerers working more missions together leaving less people available. Ijichi also showed statistics comparing the effectiveness of sorcerers based in Tokyo and Kyoto.

You were about to lose your mind, your body still pumping adrenaline after the conversation with Gojo. Everyone else seemed to be bored, oblivious to your struggle. Satoru had yawned at least three times in the last ten minutes, Shoko and Utahime were both interested in their nails. Even Suguru looked tired and he was pretty good at hiding his thoughts. The only ones who did not look outwardly dead inside were Yaga and Nanami.

“Thank you Ijichi for your hard work,” Yaga said and Ijichi nodded smiling. The pop up of the slideshow vanished from the screen leaving Ijichi’s face in a huge resolution looming onto the wall.

“We are going to take in account the effects of pairing up sorcerers. I’m not entirely in charge of how long this trial will take,” Yaga said. “Ieiri has this trial affected the health care aspect in any way?”

Shoko cleared her throat tapping open the ipad in front of her, her nails making a satisfying click click sound.

“The injuries have lessened,” she started. That’s good, you thought. “But the severity has increased,” she said with a serious face.

“Why is that?” Principal scrunched his eyebrows together.

“In my professional opinion it is due to people being more brazen when having a partner. This can be seen especially in lower grade sorcerers, who are prone to believing that they are invincible when someone backs them up.” Everyone had turned to look at the doctor who played with her hair idly as she spoke.

“And the second grade and up?”

“It happens less. But there are some, even first grade sorcerers, who are accident prone,” Shoko said and quickly looked at you, not long enough for others to pick up on that she was speaking about you.

Gojo’s phone rang in the middle of the conference. He left the room with an apology and never came back. Relief and anger ignited in you playing tug of war in your heart as your eyes followed him bitterly.

“I think this is all. I’ll send everyone the upcoming jobs, but if no one has anything to say, I think we can conclude this meeting here,” Yaga said, the choir of thank yous and goodbyes filling the room.

You stretched yourself, happy to be on your feet again.

“Hey, can we talk?” Nanami tried to get your attention.

You stood in the room that was quickly emptying out of people. Shoko awkwardly hung around in a small distance from you and Nanami, trying to pretend that she wasn’t listening to your conversation.

“I don’t entirely understand the conversation between you and Gojo, but if I have somehow disrespected you I offer my deepest apologies.” Nanami’s voice was soft. Your heart ached as you realized how bad your words must have appeared to him.

“I’m so sorry. It’s not about you. You’ve done nothing..” You trailed off as you saw the tall curse eating man walk outside with a sly smile on his lips.

“That’s a relief but if I may be so blunt, I have a hunch that there is something bothering you,” Nanami said.

You looked at him and chewed your lower lip nervously. This was all their fault. If they had not done what they did, you would not be in this position. The least they could have done is to keep the names of people you know out of their mouths.

“I’m sorry to leave you hanging like this, but can we finish this conversation later?” You hurried past him, only hearing Nanami mumble the word ‘sure’ like a kicked puppy and you said goodbye to Shoko agreeing on staying in touch with her.

The corridor was almost empty as you walked through the school building frantically searching for that bastard of a man. Your footsteps echoed on the wood as you arrived at a not so well known exit of the building. Geto stood in front of the dual doors, half heartedly pushing it open as he furiously wrote something on his phone.

You yelled out his name, but he did not bother to react to you. You closed in on the man that was still standing back towards you. Anger surged in you as adrenaline made you braver than what you normally would be. You were supposed to just grab the ends of his hair that were sprawled across his back, but in the heat of the moment your impulse control had another lapse as you kept on raising your hand. A fist closed around the bun that had been carefully crafted on his scalp and you dug your fingers around the hair tie and then yanked, hard.

“What the hell are you doing?!” He turned around stepping out of the doorway letting it close properly with a thump and he closed the distance between you for good. His eyes shot daggers at you.

“You did not pay attention to me.” You shook your hand out of the spare strands that were stuck on your palm and offered the small hair tie back to him.

“Well you got it now,” he hissed. “You can keep that as a souvenir. I don’t want anything that a filthy bitch like you has touched,” he said, the calm composure nowhere in sight.

A filthy bitch? Really? Then maybe you should break up with Satoru if this is your deal breaker.. That’s what you wanted to say, but you held back your tongue.

Geto took a deep breath, calming himself down, slipping on the mask that you were more used to seeing. He put his phone back in his pocket.

“What do you want?”

“You told me,” you started, tears threatening to flow over. “You told me that I can just leave and do whatever I want. Why do you keep tormenting me? Why do you let Gojo do what he does?” Your voice broke as you started crying openly. You hated it, it made you weak. No. You were weak.

“Firstly, I’m not his guardian. He can do what he wants.” He sounded like a smartass.

“Second of all, never. And I repeat. Never, lay a hand on me ever again, especially on my hair.” You rolled your eyes.

Of course it was the hair that ticked him off completely. It was his crown, the only thing he had ever been able to take care of besides Satoru. Suguru loved to flaunt himself as the calm one, the kind one, but the exterior had always had some cracks in it. No amount of paint was able to hide the rotten wall behind it.

“I can forgive your outburst at Satoru’s, but now that you’re in your right mind, you won’t get second chances.”

“I don’t want ‘second chances’. I want you to leave me the fuck alone so I can do my job,” you yelled at him.

“Lower your voice. Or do you want to air out all the dirty laundry for everyone?” Geto hushed you.

“It’s not my ‘laundry’, it’s fucking yours!” You roared and tears fell down your cheeks blurring your vision. Your face felt hot as it got wrapped in the wrath of your words.

Geto did not answer you, instead he chose to stare you down, not moving at all as if he was a statue. He looked like a child throwing a tantrum when things did not go his way, his face contorting to a sneer that could challenge any rich spoiled brat. You panted and wiped your face with the rough backside of your palm.

“Move.”

“Ladies first,” he snickered childishly and kicked open the heavy door with his foot as he stepped slightly to the side. God this man hangs out too much with Gojo.

As you left the school grounds barely holding your breakdown away, there was one figure in the corridors hugging the wall near the exit, clutching onto her purse.

***

SHOKO’S MEMORIES, 2006

“Truth or dare?” Satoru asked, popping the pink bubblegum in the air, sucking the sticky material back in his mouth to chew on loudly.

“Truth,” Shoko said, placing another cigarette in her mouth. She smoked especially heavily when she was drinking.

Satoru had managed to bring a whole six pack of beer to the picnic whereas Suguru had found a travel size vodka bottle from his parents. Shoko had brought a package of different berries and salty crackers with her.

“If you could have any technique in the world, which one would you have?” Satoru asked. He looked at the clear blue sky and the way the summer breeze pushed on the white clouds.

Shoko played with the corner of the blanket as she thought deeply about his question. She stared at the shoes she had placed on the grass and the manicure on her toes that Utahime had insisted on putting on her.

“I think I’d keep this one,” she smiled wistfully.

“Really? You wouldn’t want my powers?” Satoru looked at her tilting his head to the side. He spat out the chewing gum and placed it on the plastic lid that belonged to the packaging of berries. He did not like it when things ran out of flavor, always searching for something more.

“No. I don’t envy you at all. I just want a happy life and that’s all” Shoko answered his gaze, with a gentle smile. “Besides, I like the way I am and I suppose I can help people like this,” she added.

Satoru hummed. He was clearly dissatisfied with the answer.

He did not exactly know why.

“Satoru, that's sad. You should ask something fun,” Suguru pointed out and took a sip from the beer can.

The three of them sat on a grassy hill that had a pretty decent view of the city and the park below it. Shoko leaned against the huge tree behind her back. The cicadas were performing their own concert with the hum of motorways working as their orchestra.

“You figure out better questions then,” Satoru pouted, but wasn’t actually hurt.

“Isn’t it my turn to ask though?”

Shoko looked in the distance watching closely how a woman jogged with her shiba inu, her ponytail swishing in the same rhythm as the chord of her headphones. Both men nodded slightly out of sync.

“Satoru truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

“Who’s the hottest person you know?” Her eyes twinkled teasingly.

“Waka Inoue of course. She’s sexy as hell!” Satoru slapped his hand on his heart as if he was saluting.

“Really? You still have a crush on her?” Suguru questioned. It was his turn to pout. “Am I not enough?”

“Baby you’re plenty, but you can’t replace a huge rack,” Satoru’s voice was steady as if he was talking about the most important thing in the whole world.

“I can’t argue with that.” Suguru sighed defeatedly, his shoulders slumping down dramatically.

“Ugh. I shouldn’t have asked that. Both of you are so weird and gross about women,” Shoko grimaced regretting her decisions and lifted the cigarette to her mouth as if to cover the bad taste of Satoru’s words.

The man in sunglasses ignored the criticizing words. “Suguru. Truth or dare?”

“Dare.”

“I dare you to share this,” Satoru lifted up a huge strawberry. “Like in Lady and the Tramp with Shoko,” he referred to the scene where the two dogs shared a spaghetti meal, eventually kissing.

“That’s too small!” Shoko protested immediately, shaking her head. The idea of doing that with Suguru made her feel iffy.

“I’m game if she is,” Suguru said and offered his palm to Satoru who plopped the berry in his hands.

Shoko had a nervous giggle come out of her.

“C’mon, it’s just a game. You can always let go after like one bite. This is truth or dare afterall,” Satoru coaxed.

“Fine. But I won’t kiss you, not even a peck.” Shoko established her own rule and rolled her eyes. She put out the cigarette on the grass and left the butt there.

“We’ll see about that,” Suguru laughed and picked at the stem that got thrown over next to the chewed up gum.

He awkwardly came closer to the young female student and placed the bigger end between his lips. He looked silly, the red end peeking out of his mouth. Suguru attempted at mouthing the words ‘come closer’, but neither Satoru or Shoko understood his words but the context clue carried the point to Shoko.

She got on her knees sitting on top of her legs and straightened herself out. Suguru was way taller than her, even when he sat. Her face approached Suguru’s who had a pink tint on his cheeks from the alcohol he had drank.

She opened her mouth and barely bit down on the smaller end, her tongue touching the bumpy texture of the strawberry.

“Ready. Set. Go!” Satoru exclaimed, motioning finger guns happily. His gaze was completely glued on his two friends.

Suguru closed his eyes and he started to carefully nibble, closing dangerously on Shoko’s lips. She bit quickly, not really tasting anything and began to pull away in hopes of Suguru calling it quits too.

Unfortunately she wasn’t fast enough. The last bits of strawberry fell down on Shoko’s lap when Suguru pressed his lips against hers, a faint red trail dripping on her chin. She didn’t move and her eyes widened in shock. Shoko didn’t know what to do so she just held her hands on her lap.

Suguru pet gently behind the girl’s head kissing her motionless lips. His hand trailed down to her neck and all the way to her shoulder. Shoko felt the sweet taste in her mouth mixing with the alcohol, stranger’s saliva and nicotine as Suguru dragged his hand to the mound of her breast. The warmth emanating from his palm was enough to bring her back to reality and Shoko pushed the bigger guy off of her.

“Why did you do that?” she snapped and crossed her arms.

“Oh don’t get angry now. Have a drink and chill out.” Satoru sighed. He shuffled awkwardly and placed the almost empty tote bag on his lap and grabbed a new beer can from there. Shoko narrowed her eyes in suspicion, but did not want to make room for any weird thoughts that would imply even weirder things. “It’s just a joke.”

“This is not the first time you take jokes too far.”

Shoko looked away from the two boys, disappointment turning into an ache in her heart and wiped her chin clean from the strawberry. She slipped on the ballerinas laying on the ground.

“Seriously? You’re leaving because of this?” Suguru tilted his head, his voice defensive.

Shoko threw her cigarettes and lighter in her own purse checking the blanket for other stuff she had.

“Yeah, I am. I’m not having fun anymore.” Her voice was cold as she was attempting to hide the nervous tremble in her body and almost jumped up throwing the bag on her shoulder. She turned around, once again crossing her hands against her chest as if to protect herself and started walking.

“Hey! Don’t you want your blanket with you?” Satoru yelled after her. The two guys sat on the quilt completely bamboozled.

“Keep it! I don’t need it!”

She didn’t eat strawberries for the rest of the summer.

***

“Hey you really should sing this one!” Shoko laughed as she scrolled through the song list.

“Whaat? No that’s not even funny,” you laughed and slapped her arm gently.

“Is it really not? Or are you just a bore?” Shoko taunted getting ready to put the song on.

“Can we sing something from this?” You pointed at the category called 2000’s hits.

“I’ll pick something at random and you’re just going to deal with it,” Shoko laughed clearly tipsy too after the multiple drinks you both had drank.

The disco ball was spinning around the small room painting the walls in hues of blue, red and green. Nanami sat on the couch nursing his whiskey as he stared off into space. The upbeat music filled the room, bass shaking the ground underneath your feet.

It was the first time going out after the events at Gojo’s house. Shoko had basically begged you to come with her to get shit faced complaining that she really needed someone to rant with. You told her that Utahime was right there and would probably love to listen to her, but she claimed that the woman from Kyoto had other plans for the weekend.

After arriving at the karaoke bar you had been taken back after seeing the stoic blonde man at the venue. You weighed the option of immediately leaving in your head, but your conscience did not allow you to do so, after leaving him so rudely hanging in the meeting. When the three of you had gotten your own private room you decided to immediately order shots and drinks with the only goal of getting absolutely black out drunk tonight despite having Nanami there.

It was honestly rare to see him after work as he had preferred to keep his distance. He was wearing the same clothing he always wore, dress shirt ironed, necktie perfectly hanging against his chest as if he was on the clock. You wouldn’t have been surprised if he were to whip out a cursed tool onto the bar table.

You clutched onto the microphone singing unevenly as you danced to the beat, half of the syllables disappearing to you being out of breath. Shoko cackled, almost folding over as she kept slapping her thigh eyes watering. She had drunk a few drinks less than you and she had been exceptionally happy even before drinking. Truthfully Shoko was quite a heavy drinker and she definitely should not have been as wasted as what she appeared to be.

Nanami stared at the both of you, raising the whiskey glass to his lips after checking his wrist watch.

“Come here! Sing with us!” You yelled to the mic only getting a slightly alarmed expression out of him as he shook his head.

“I think I’m okay with watching you two perform,” he said.

You pouted but kept on singing, your concentration skills nonexistent. You did not notice the way Shoko glared at him, nudging her head towards you as she pointed the microphone in her hand towards him.

Nanami cleared his throat under the threatening gaze and clumsily got up.

“Oh my god! Nanamiii!” You screamed the noise so high pitched that even the speakers were unable to handle it and you could see how Nanami cringed at the sound.

Shoko squinted her eyes and mouthed the word sing to Nanami. Shoko was not going to deal with you alone.

The combination of the pop song and Nanami’s voice made you giggle as you hurrayed him happily. He was not a bad singer by any means, but his voice did not fit the song choice. You wondered to yourself, why had you not gotten shitfaced earlier when you had all the good reasons to.

Shoko decided to take a small break sitting on the spot where Nanami had been earlier and inspected the brown liquid swishing in the glass. She stole a sip from it when Nanami wasn’t watching, not really caring about the fact that it wasn’t her drink.

You grabbed your drink from the table and drank from it and you kept on singing happily, almost jumping around. Nanami looked at you with a terrified expression when you moved side to side with the drink spilling on your hand, but you did not notice the wetness of it.

“Hey, put that down before you drop the glass,” Nanami said and gently tried to take the glass from you.

“No, I want to keep this,” a pout formed on your face but you still did what he told and turned around swiftly to place the drink on the counter. Your vision was blurry, the lights slightly too bright and you lost your balance tipping over the glass that was already safely on the table. You felt yourself starting to fall but a strong arm snaked around your waist to stabilize you.

The world felt like it was stopping when the arm around you changed into a tight rope that pressed around your ribcage. The karaoke room changed inch by inch to a vast room with a wall made of windows with a night view of the streets of Tokyo. The shattered drink turned into a broken light bulb on the floor. You felt a hot breath on your skin, but your body had gotten cold. It was as if you had been dunked into ice water, all the earlier excitement completely vanished. The disco ball spun around casting blue lights on the white haired man’s face that ogled you like a piece of meat. The imagery was so vivid and real in your mind that you reacted on instinct, elbowing the man behind you.

The rope vanished around you as the windows melted to the concrete floor, the shadows of city lights turned back to the tacky illumination of the disco ball. You felt the remnants of cursed energy fizzing out like a soda can as your eyes landed on Nanami, who was slightly hunched over holding onto his side the pain making him grimace. You had no idea how much force you had actually used, but probably quite a lot judging by the way Nanami was reacting.

Shoko stood there completely still, eyes filled to the brim with worry and confusion. Her lips were ajar and she gulped down wanting to say something, but she did not know what.

“My apologies. I didn't mean to touch you inappropriately,” Nanami managed to say. The music track played in the background, but it felt empty without a drunken voice guiding it. He was lucky to have good reflexes, instinctually protecting himself from the blow, otherwise Shoko would have had a patient off the clock.

“Uh,” Your mouth gaped at him hopelessly. He had done nothing wrong.

“I’ll go for a cigarette,” you blurted out and left the room hurriedly. The long hallway stretched in front of your eyes as you looked at the numbers on karaoke booths, only muted colors flashing through the slightly translucent doors. You leaned on the wall as you dragged your feet forward arriving at the front desk that thanked you for your time, but you did not pay attention to them and turned to your left to stare at the steep stairway.

The steps were made out of wood with a black paint that had started to chip away and the walls were pure red, too bright and intense for your eyes. You focused on the door in front of you and barely saw the red walls around it as they got covered by a dark cloud, your way of seeing more animalistic than human.The only thing in your mind was the need to get some fresh air as emotions threw you around like a shipwreck at the sea.

You pushed the door open and walked over to a bicycle stand choosing an empty spot where you plopped yourself on. You rocked yourself back and forth as you cried and gripped onto your skin painfully hoping that at least the physical sensation would put an end to your suffering. You started to be more aware of the familiar banging against your skull.

The door of the karaoke bar opened as Shoko walked outside, her face now serious, resembling more the woman she was at work than the friend giggling at drunk people's jokes.

“Hey. You forgot this inside.” She handed you your bag.

You wanted to answer something but you could not as the words got stuck to your throat. Your world flashed back and forth between sensations that you weren’t supposed to feel in this moment. The guilt and sadness ate you alive, nipping away from your vitals the more you tried to push them down.

Shoko placed a cigarette between her lips and lit it up and offered it to you. You took it gladly off her hands inhaling the sweet smoke, but you almost ended up suffocating on it as your nose was too stuffed to handle it. Even the menthol taste was unable to help you with this issue. Shoko opened the green box once more to get herself a smoke as well.

She took a drag out of it and watched your shuddering figure.

“I saw you in the hallway with Geto. Something happened at Gojo’s right?”

You lifted your head up mascara running on your cheeks. Had you not been in such a bad state her words would have shocked you.

“I can’t help you if you don’t want my help.” Shoko crouched down to your level. You stared at her face as she left out a puff of smoke that trailed around her face, the dark eye bags now more visible than ever.

You choked on your tears once more, now openly wailing on the pavement your fingers digging into the soft flesh of your arm. You dragged your nails across yourself leaving pink trails behind it, the soft tingle covering the areas you had just clawed at.

“I can’t do this anymore,” you cried, your words hard to decipher as your breath hitched. “I can’t keep on doing this. It’s all my fault. I’m so stupid,” you screamed snot falling onto your shirt.

“So fucking stupid!” You impulsively pressed the cigarette butt against your thigh melting the cloth away the stinging pain shocking you as your skin shed its layers against the fire.

You had no shame in your breakdown, frankly you did not even recognize the others that looked in your way speaking with hushed voices around you, as they tightened the grip on their partners hands. “That girl really needs to lay off the drinks,” someone had said loudly. Shoko had wanted to immediately pounce, but she held herself together. She knew that you needed her more.

“Don’t hurt yourself, when you want to hurt someone else,” her voice was just a whisper. “Can I touch you?” She asked not wanting to trigger you further. You nodded.

Shoko pulled you into a tight hug and you buried your face on her chest, holding onto her like it was the last thing keeping you afloat. You seeked comfort in her presence.

“I want to die.” You gripped onto her tighter. “I’m so weak.”

Shoko stroked your hair, her own eyes watering as she listened to you wordlessly. She felt your pain almost just as viscerally as you were experiencing them now.

“No matter… no matter what I do. I can’t escape them. I just want to be gone. I want to-”

Shoko shushed you and slipped her free hand into her pocket, digging out her phone. Almost ten minutes had gone by. She awkwardly opened her chat with Nanami trying to inform the man who was probably still sitting in their booth waiting for the two of you to come back.

A male voice disturbed the two of you. “Is everything okay?”

Shoko pressed her hand on your shoulder pushing herself up from the ground, she whispered to you to stay put, not that you really were in any condition to go anywhere.

“Good that you’re here. I was just about to text you. Can you get us a taxi?”

“Of course,” he said and opened the app punching in your address that Shoko forwarded to him. He looked so much older and out of place in the busy street.

This was the kind hearted and lovely Nanami that had forgiven you immediately, after you had punched him in the gut because you were fucked up in the head. The kind hearted and lovely Nanami that you couldn’t look in the eyes, because of a certain man whose name you felt like acid on the tip of your tongue. The thoughts in your head brought fresh tears to your eyes. You dangerously sailed in the deep waters of suicidal ideation, your tired hands opening the forbidden door.

“It’s going to arrive in five minutes,” Nanami hummed.

“I think you should go. I’ll handle this,” Shoko said, her voice full of pity. “I’ll keep you posted.”

Nanami nodded in agreement.

“For what it’s worth, take care of yourself too.” Nanami’s words were carefully chosen, anticipating that you weren’t the only one who needed a hug.

***

SHOKO’S MEMORIES, YEAR 2006

The beach was filled with people who enjoyed the way the sun spoiled them with its warmth. Shoko was sitting on a towel next to Mei Mei who applied generous amounts of sunscreen on her hand. They sat underneath a parasol that had been propped in the sand, covering them both from the direct sun. The brown haired girl watched as Utahime excitedly threw herself to the water. She had given up on trying to get Shoko and Mei Mei in the water as well.

“Mei Mei, don’t you have a lot of experience with boys?” Shoko almost whispered and hugged her legs. Her beach shawl swayed when the breeze decided to start playing with the huge piece of cloth.

“Are you trying to imply something?” Her voice was low and melodic but not at all accusatory.

“No, nothing like that. I just wanted to ask you something.” Shoko shook her head flustered. “Is it normal for a guy to kiss a girl without asking?”

Mei Mei burst into laughter. This was the question Shoko was getting all worked up for?

“Shoko,” Mei Mei’s eyes glimmered softly when she said the younger girl’s name with gentleness that reminded her of a mother tugging a child into bed. “I did not take you for being this innocent,” she teased.

“I’m not innocent,” the brown haired girl huffed with the unexpected blush decorating her cheeks.

“Did someone do that to you?” Mei Mei tilted her head curiously and offered the sunscreen bottle to Shoko who happily took it to her hands.

“If I tell you, will you promise that you won’t tell anyone?”

“If I’m honest, I don’t think I care enough to tattle. You got me curious now. Tell me,” she hummed as a smile curled on her lips.

“Well uh.. Suguru kind of kissed me when we were playing truth or dare with Satoru,” Shoko explained . She ran her hand between the warm sand, the grainy texture giving her something else to think about. “It was a stupid dare on Satoru’s part. Dunno why I accepted it.”

Shoko added that she did not want to kiss him under any circumstances but the boy had managed to go over her boundary with ease.

“That’s it?” Mei Mei asked, raising her eyebrow. She was almost bewildered at how tame the story was.

“Yeah.”

The blue haired woman scoffed.

“Guys think that girls like it when they take control and in a certain sense they are right. Maybe they got their eyes on you? Although, I did think that Suguru and Satoru were..” Mei Mei’s voice trailed off as she thought. “It doesn’t matter.” She concluded.

“If I were you. I’d go along with it.” Mei Mei suggested.

“No way. I don’t like them like that. Besides that’s not what I asked for your opinion on.”

“And?” Mei Mei turned her gaze on Shoko, her eyes hardening as she intensely stared at the younger girl. “Those two men are our generation’s strongest and you’re going to complain that one of them gave you a little kiss?”

Mei Mei’s melodic voice dropped lower as she showed her true feelings of distaste towards Shoko’s views.

“If I were you,” she started again, her voice tough and bitter. “I’d be securing my spot by their side and not planning to bring forth meaningless accusations over a game of truth or dare.”

Shoko was at loss with the things that were being said to her. Now that she thought about it, maybe it wasn’t the best idea to speak with Mei Mei.

“I did not say I was going to tell anyone,” her voice was squeaky like a little girl’s.

“But you thought about that right?” Shoko did not deny nor confirm the accusation.

Mei Mei’s face softened. “Shoko, you’re a smart girl. You should know better than to get shaken by two boys, especially when you so eagerly lead them on.“

“..I don’t lead them on.”

“Then stop meeting them in your spare time. If you do that, guys will think that you’re willing. You’re not a kid anymore, they do notice that you’re a woman now.”

She stayed quiet, Mei Mei’s words burning on her skin worse than the summer heat. She did not want guys thinking about her that way. She simply wanted to be their friend and the idea of boys and girls being unable to do that because of bodily differences made Shoko shudder.

“You want to help your friends, right?” Mei Mei asked when Utahime got out of the water.

Shoko nodded.

“Then become a doctor. That’s the best you can do to others with the technique you have.” Her words were probably meant to be comforting, but they made Shoko’s heart sink to the bottom of the ocean.

“Shookoo!” Utahime ran towards the two girls sitting on the beach towels.

“Are you willing to swim now?” Sand and water droplets clung onto her radiant skin that the younger girl admired silently. Shoko felt her heart skip a few times in her chest when Utahime offered her hand to her.

“Sure.” The shy smile stretched on Shoko’s lips.

“I’ll stay here. But you guys have fun.” Mei Mei announced as she opened the book next to her the pages slightly crumpled up.

Shoko did not really register Mei Mei’s voice anymore. She grabbed Utahime’s hand and the world slowly faded away around them.

****

Shoko went through the bathroom nimbly avoiding piles of clothing or takeout bags as she looked through your bathroom cupboard. She found a bag of half used cotton pads and a micelar water from the mess.

The taxi drive had felt like eternity. Your tears had dried before settling in the car and numbness had taken over. Shoko helped you to your bed and said that she’d come back soon, closing the door behind her giving you some space to change into something more comfortable.

The door opened. Shoko looked at you and sat on the bed. You were using a pillow as a support for your back. The night lamp’s warm color casted shadows around your puffy face. The woman shook the bottle in her hand and poured liquid on the white cotton pad and tilted your face towards hers.

She pressed the pad on your eyelid carefully letting the mixture soak through the heaps of makeup on your face. You sniffled sadly before speaking.

“I can do this on my own too.”

“I want to do this,” her voice was soft as she spoke the makeup remover leaving your skin slightly cold. You simply nodded and admired the way her hair framed her face.

“You know I’ve had my own bad experiences too,” Shoko said, her face turning to a slight frown. Her mind was sailing in memories that she had given up on trying to understand.

You were at a loss of words. You wanted to pry, but it felt invasive.

“With them? Really?” You heard yourself asking as you danced on the line of impropriety.

“Yeah,” Shoko hummed, “but we shouldn’t have this conversation yet. Maybe in the morning, but not now,” she tried to make her voice sound brighter, feel brighter as if it would fix everything.

“Okay,” you said. Maybe she’s right about this. Shoko discarded the dirty cotton pad, simply placing it on the bedside table. It was at its limits the whole thing turned into the color of your foundation with the small black streaks of your mascara on it, or what was left from it.

She held onto your face gently for a moment too long even after she was done. You opened your eyes to really look at her. She looked so sad and.. young? Yes young was the right word. She looked like a woman robbed out of something sacred. She had been so happy, so easy to excite in her youth, but now all she seemed to carry was baggage.

Your drunken mind wanted to close the distance, but something held you back. Maybe it was all the answers that were still being withheld by her, maybe it was the understanding that it’s not the right time yet.

“Can you stay the night?” you whispered. Shoko breathed in and opened her mouth to say something, but you were faster. “Please? Th-there’s some clothes you can borrow in my closet.”

She stayed quiet and you waited patiently.

“I’ll stay.”

You smiled weakly at her and muttered a gentle thank you. She shuffled up from the bed and walked over the closet you had pointed for her. You turned your back to her when you heard the rustling of clothing that she ended up piling up neatly on one of the spare chairs in your bedroom.

You fluffed up the pillow next to you and lifted up the blanket when she climbed in. You turned your back to her as you lay down on your side. Your hand searched the light switch and then the room was pitch black.

Shoko awkwardly came closer to you till your back was against hers and she played with your hair idly in the silence. The touch was friendly, your body slumping in relaxation almost immediately. It was nice to have someone there. You had gotten so used to being afraid of the nights.

“Good night,” she said, her voice hoarse.

“Night.”

***

You woke up alone with no trace of the woman in your room. She had gotten up earlier than you and dressed up back to the clothes she had in the bar. You hugged your plush blanket, almost burying your whole face underneath it, not ready to face the day.

Your head hurt and you felt nauseous. How is Shoko even able to do things? You wondered to yourself.

The faint knock on the bedroom door disrupted your thoughts as the door opened slightly.

“I made a sandwich for you and found some painkillers, if you want any,” she said and you heard her steps further away again.

You groaned and threw the blanket away from your body, the cold greeting you roughly.

Your kitchen had gotten miraculously cleaner, the multiple empty beer cans piled in a bag and the dishwasher hummed quietly. You stared at the brown table in front of you that had two sandwiches and glasses of water on it, hunger long gone from your body.

“You really should drink less.” Shoko picked up another empty can from the counter just to place it in the bag.

“Like you’re the one to talk.” You sat on the chair with its legs squeaking against the floor with your rough treatment.

You grabbed the pill bottle and rattled out two tablets that you threw in your mouth and drank barely enough water to chase them down.

“What do you remember?” Shoko asked and sat in front of you. She wasn’t feeling very hungry either.

“I remember punching Nanami and the talk we had before we fell asleep,” you mumbled, playing with the edges of the slightly crusty lettuce between your sandwich. You had meant to use it on a salad a few days ago, but you were too tired to cook for yourself. Even the simple things were hard. “What did I tell you?”

“Nothing. You were just crying.”

Oh. So it was like that.

“They assaulted me.” Your face was stern, emotions hidden behind a wall. The words felt weird. It was the first time you had actually said it out loud.

Shoko’s face widened from shock.

“They what?”

“Don’t make me repeat it,” you hissed.

“Sorry, I won’t.”

The silence felt unbearable and you stuffed your face full of bread just to do something.

“They did something similar when we were still in school.” Shoko ripped the hangnail painfully from her skin and pressed on the miniscule wound with one of her fingers.

You chewed the sandwich aggressively without tasting anything, the texture turning to mush in your mouth.

“Why didn’t you warn me?” Your words were way more accusatory than what you wanted.

Shoko turned her head to the side looking hurt by your sudden outburst. Her eyebrows scrunched together in pain as she looked for the perfect words, but there were none.

“You admired them. I didn’t want to take that away from you, and when I realized that I probably should have said..”

“Bullshit, Shoko. It’s been ten years. I deserved to know, you could have-”

“Stop blaming me for their shit!” she yelled. Shoko never yells.

You fell quiet. You reined in your anger, its hands still attempting to reach out to anything it could latch on. She was right. It’s not her burden to bear, but you still couldn’t help but feel powerless, when there could have theoretically been someone who could have told you to not go there.

“Sorry,” you simply said just to drop the topic. Shoko sighed defeatedly and pushed her head briefly against her hands. She understood the anger, she really did.

“They drugged me and then raped me together. I don’t remember a lot from it. I fought back – well attempted to,” your voice shook as you spoke.

The brown haired woman simply looked at you with silent empathy.

“Did you at least get one good punch in?”

Your lips curled into a downhearted smile. The memory of your feeble fight playing in your mind, the weakness and despair of it all, a futile attempt of a prey to preserve their life just one moment longer.

“Not a single one,” you laughed hollowly as one tear rolled on your cheek and your lips trembled. “But I did rip some hair out of Geto at the school,” you tried to brighten your voice and be brave.

Shoko’s eyes watered and she answered your smile with her own.

“Good.”

The almost happy expression faded from your face. Everything hurt, never had you ever thought to be in a situation like this where you were exchanging devastation with your friend like gifts on christmas.

“Why did you stay? Even Nanami left for a while, you could have done the same.” Your question was gentler this time.

Shoko pondered for a minute, not sure of her answer either.

“Because this is the only way I could help. I had you and Utahime and I didn’t want to leave you two behind. Besides what else was I supposed to do? I’ve been given a technique that can save many if I choose right. Had I left a lot more could have died because I wasn’t here — all because of what two men did,” she tried to put her thoughts together.

“There’s a reason why Utahime doesn’t like Gojo,” Shoko blurted out and played with her hair.

You took a careful sip of water as if you were trying to carefully dissect the different flavors of Shoko’s words.

“What do you mean? Did they do something to her as well?”

“No. I just mean that women know, you know? I think it’s in our blood to recognize danger. That’s one of the reasons she despises him. But this is just my thought, not an universal truth,” Shoko wondered out loud.

She breathed in once again as if the words she was about to speak were too painful.

“I think sometimes us women have to carry the atrocities of men. There’s no rhyme or reason why they do certain things. At least that’s what I’ve been telling myself. I never went through what you did, but I can’t say that I’m surprised,” she mused. “I’m sorry though. What you went through. It’s not right.”

Her brown eyes stared at you expectantly. You chewed on your lip nervously and tapped the empty plate with your nail, the small tinkle sound working as a metronome.

“No, it’s not,” you huffed. But it feels like it’s my fault. If I had not gone there, if I had not idolized them – loved them even. This wouldn’t have ended this way. It was easier to leave those words in your head.

“So what now?” You looked at Shoko, your eyes pleading, asking for answers, guidance, anything she would be able to provide to you. You knew there was nothing clear cut Shoko could say, but god how you wished that someone would know what to do.

Shoko shook her head in defeat as if telling you that she wasn’t able to point you on the right track like that.

“Whatever you want. You can stay or go, but you don’t have to carry it alone,” Shoko said, her face gentle. You could still draw out the remnants of the young girl from the year two thousand and six on her features. The lines were almost faded but they were still there.

You found kinship in her even if neither of you had shared the full story of what had happened. You weren’t there yet and you weren’t ready. Instead the two of you skirted around words unspoken finding solace of at least having someone who could understand. It was up to the both of you what to make out of the confessions of the past.

#tw: noncon #shoko ieiri x reader #ieiri shoko x reader #yandere gojo satoru #yandere geto suguru

309 notes · View notes

luveline · 1 year

Note

i am obsessed with your kisses before dinner au, do you think you can maybe write something about what it’s like when the new baby is born or maybe how the older kids reacted to becoming siblings if yk what i mean? absolutely no pressure and ily!!

baby number four comes back from the hospital and steve tries not to cry about it (he fails) | kisses before dinner universe

afab!fem!reader x dad!steve (tw ment labour + pregnancy)

Steve sits down beside you on the couch with Beth in his arms and tries to calm his racing heart. To think your new baby is finally here, right here, safe and healthy and home, makes him want to throw up. He won't, obviously, but if he's a little grey around the gills that's his business.

Avery sits on your other side quiet as a dormouse. As the oldest, she's experienced this twice before. She can't remember when Bethie came home because she'd been so young herself, and Steve suspects she might not fully remember meeting Dove for the first time either, but she remembers to be quiet and gentle, and that's all she really needs to do.

Steve had wanted to bring them to the hospital to see you as soon as the baby was born, but Robin, rightfully, encouraged him to wait. He agrees now, because after labour you hadn't looked yourself. You'd been tired and sick. "You're having the next one," you'd joked. He had laughed until he cried, emotional from seeing you screaming and sweaty, his hand reduced to mush. Steve had been beside himself. He loves his girls, but he doesn't love how they came into the world. Seeing you that way… he can't regret getting you pregnant, not when he has all these beautiful babies, but he feels something similar. He feels better now that you're home.

"Tada," Steve whispers in Beth's ear. "There's your baby sister."

"Another one?" you'd asked when you found out the gender, defeated but not really. You'll love whatever you're given. He loves that about you, and he feels the same. "Steve, come on."

"It's not my fault!" he'd insisted.

"She's really small," Bethie whispers back.

"You don't have to whisper, sweetheart," you say, your face flopped against the couch cushions. You're still sapped. "She has to get used to all your voices."

Bethie stands on Steve's leg and holds onto your shoulder. He grabs her waist in case she takes a spill, letting her peer down into your arms at the face of her new sister. Her lips part.

"I think," Steve says, squeezing gently, "we finally have another one who looks like mommy and you."

"I think so too," Avery says quietly.

"Yea?"

"She's got mom's nose."

"Little," you joke, giving Avery a playful nudge with your elbow. "I think so three."

You swap. Steve gets to hold his new baby and you make as much room as you can in your lap for the oldest two, wincing when someone's knee jabs your sore stomach. He's about to tell them to climb off of you when you wrap your arms around them, hiding your face in Avery's soft, silky hair. She got nearly everything from Steve, including how much she loves being cuddled, and she melts like butter in the sun at your touch.

"I missed you, mom," she says. "Please don't have more babies for a while."

You laugh. You all know Steve wants an army. You also know Steve wants what you want. You could never touch him again and he'd be okay with it, somehow. Safe to say, you won't be having any more babies for a while, if ever again.

"I missed you too. Three days without you is three too many. And don't worry, my love. Me and daddy aren't having anymore for a long, long time." You peek over Avery's shoulder and smile. "I wish we didn't make such pretty ones. Maybe I'd be less tempted."

"That's all you," Steve says.

Bethie slouches to rest her weight on Steve's arm. God, he'd missed his girls. He'd been hoping your time in the hospital would be quick considering you've had three before, though they've been varying degrees of difficulty, and almost always made you poorly. That hope had been struck down fast, and Steve had just done whatever it was he could do to keep you breathing and smiling. He must be good at it, because four babies and eight years later he can still make you laugh between pushes.

He's, pardon his language, fucking amazed at what you can do. And he's so in awe of his life, his family, his girls, he finds himself welling up for the tenth time today, the perfect tiny face of your newborn a blur in his eyes.

Bethie pats his arm as he sniffles.

"You want a hug?" she asks knowingly.

"Yeah," he says. "I do. Thanks, baby."

"I'm not the baby," she says, draping herself over his shoulder. He drops his face against hers and sniffles some more.

Dove wakes up a little while after that, and when she calls, "Mommy!" from her crib you're thrilled to be able to go get her. You're still kissing her when you reach the bottom of the stairs, your nose sliding over her chubby cheeks as you coo praises at her.

"I missed you so so much, my love," you say, softly and brightly, affection dripping from every syllable. "Mommy missed you sooooo much. You've been such a good girl for daddy and Aunt Robin, I know you have." You beam at her tiny dimples. She beams back. "You want to meet our lovely new baby?"

Steve doesn't get too cut up about his family anymore, but he can't imagine his mother ever holding him so tenderly. He thinks she must have, once. Or maybe she didn't. There's no way to know, he only remembers growing up with that spearing sense of loneliness heavy in all his bones.

Robin, his best friend in the entire world, had absolutely healed him. When he met you, he didn't have to worry about being enough or being too much, he'd just loved you. You'd filled those last cracks, and his daughter's pretty much erased any trace of them.

He's so lucky. He could cry again, but the tears give him a migraine and he needs to be right as rain for the nights to come.

You sit down. You smell familiar, and your smile curves under his ear as you drop a kiss against his wane skin.

"Are you alright, Stevie baby?" you ask softly, one part concerned and three parts fond. You know what he's thinking.

"I've never been better." He reaches out to comb a rogue strand of hair from Dove's face. "Are you ready to meet your new little sister?" he asks her.

Dove glares at him. He wouldn't expect anything less.

#kisses before dinner universe #kisses before dinner #steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x fem!reader #steve harrington x afab!reader #dad!steve harrington #dad!steve harrington x reader #stranger things x reader #stranger things fic #stranger things #steve harrington fic #steve harrington fanfiction #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington fluff #tw pregnancy #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington blurb #steve harrington drabble

913 notes · View notes

requiemfordreams · 11 months

Text

Some tips that helped me lose weight while having an ed and preventing dizziness, fatigue hair loss, and brain fog.

For some reason eating after 2pm has reduced my cravings alot.

Chewing sugar free gum helps alot. Most of them contain sorbitol for the sweet taste and consuming sorbitol in a large amounts can lead to it acting as a laxative.

Coffee. To keep you full and again another laxative. But it can only be had hot for it to work.

Dry fruits. They contain little to no calories and prevent you from feeling dizzy.

Some junk foods are considered empty caloric foods because they do not provide any sort of good calories that your body can use, which can lead to your body storing them. So if you can find a low empty calorie food, you can sometimes eat them to keep yourself full. I should note this might not work for some people but it has worked for me.

What also has worked for me is make the same lunch to take to school, which is really low cal and because it is my comfort food and it helps me not think about food and since I spend 9 hours at school, not counting the 40 mins it takes me to and fro from school, I'm able to spend an ample amount of time not eating and that works wonders

and if my parents asks me to eat, I just say I shared my friends' lunch and I'm full.

I m like to distract myself from eating everytime I have a craving by chugging alot of water, which is first good for your health and keeps your belly full for longer.

I take multivitamins to keep up with all the necessary nutrient needs.

I also drink like 30gms of protein powder with water to help with my muscles, and also because protein helps in losing calories.

Fruits. Especially watermelons. They are so full of water, a cup of watermelons contains 46 kcal and can make you feel full really fast and they are packed with the good kinds of carbohydrates, vitamin A, C, and B6, full of potassium and absolutely no fats or sodium.

Cucumbers. Again, water based with almost little to no calories to them.

If you are having hair loss problems, biotin is a great supplement for hair and so is protein.

Try as much as you can to make sure you're not alone too long. Because when nobody is there around you, you're more prone to giving into your urges. So if you see that in you, try being around as much people as possible.

Coconut water is a great drink to help balance your electrolytes and keep your nutrients to the level.

Coconut oil and if you're Indian, ghee is great for your hair because it makes your hair more healthy and strong. It would be best if you kept your hair oiled overnight before washing and not just a few hours.

If it helps, because it has worked with me, even though I look fat, I tell everyone around me about how little I eat or how healthy I eat. And sometimes if I have to eat with other people, I will only have half of the food I ordered and ask if anyone can finish it because I'm not used to having so much food. Or I already had such a big breakfast that this seems too much. The little lies, that make you feel accountable into not eating so much even when you're alone.

I like to avoid sodas and energy drinks even if they're diet soda or not, because they honestly have way too many calories that your body can retain.

Masturbating. It's weird but five mins of it can lead to losing 400kcals and that's worth a bit of something.

Studying. It doesn't feel like it but you use alot more calories when you're concentrating on your work.

Sitting up straight. The will of keeping your shoulders straight and your spine straight, it takes up alot of calories because your body is not used to you doing that.

Doing chores around the house that require you to be on your feet.

Drink alot of water. But not too much.

Make a habit of waking up at a certain time in the morning and sleeping at a certain time. This makes way for a more disciplined mind, and more will power and honestly, not only do you not get so much fatigue or dizziness, it cultivates good sleeping habit. Which is not only good for the body, it also helps you stay focused in classes.

There is a certain set of yoga called the suryanamaskar which promotes good cardiovascular health and if you do 12 sets of it everyday, helps in losing calories. And they are so simple and easy for you to do if you don't feel like you have much energy.

I don't have more but if I do, I'll reblog and add them.

#ed bllog #ed not ed sheeran #ed binging #ed journal #tw disordered eating #@n0r3xia #@na trigger #ed disorder

223 notes · View notes

saintmelangell · 5 days

Text

ed tw and discussions of weight/weight loss

i have recently been thinking about beginning to take my recovery more seriously: to be fully honest, i am approaching thirty, the cycles i go through are starting to take a really serious toll on my body as i lose my resiliency, but its kind of insane because the world around us literally engages in this constant sadistic abuse of women with eating disorders, lol. i know exactly why i have an eating disorder. i can date exactly when it started. but every time i have sought help for it professionals, the industry of fixing eating disorders, is more interested in getting me to eat, or getting me to a healthy weight (whether that is losing or gaining weight), getting me to be a functional participant in the very culture that is perpetuating my problem in the first place, than they are in inquiring why i starve myself. people, and especially people on tumblr, really do not like to have these conversations, but patriarchy is a system that makes your body reducible to labour value. your body is a marketplace. especially if you have a uterus, or you perform your gender in a way that traditionally approximates having a uterus. womanhood, with everything that it entails- from childbirth to sex to being thin to how we dress- is effectively a labour marketplace that we are forced to participate in on top of other forms of labour, like having a job or keeping a roof over your head. unfortunately the systems put in place to help people recover from eating disorders, and to treat mental health disorders too, participate readily in that marketplace in the sense that they are more interested in creating functional, viable workers and exploitable resources (worker suggests you are still seen as a person, a resource is just a thing to be used, which women's bodies are regardless of agab) than they are in healing people. they want bodies that are commodifiable in the marketplace, that work right and look right, not actualized people.

#this is absolutely not to say that the entire system of recovery is broken because its not. there are many wonderful individuals who want to #you should always always seek out help and support #but it does mean that you have to be careful about where you are getting that support and how that support is being offered #are you being treated as a person or as an object? are you being repaired or are you being healed? you are not a thing. you are a person #journal #ed tw

34 notes · View notes

royaipercabeth · 3 months

Text

"Honestly? Can we just go home?"

PJO one shot. In which Sally tries to cheer her veteran-of-two-wars son up with a day to be "normal" and as things tend to for the Jackson household, it goes terribly wrong. But happy ending!

Written from Sally's perspective because I, a grown adult, am terrified and fascinated by the fact that she knows her son is constantly in all these dangers and there's nothing she can do about it. Also because Sally Jackson is amazing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sally Jackson just wanted a relaxing day with her family. A casual day off, spent together, after they had lost so much time in the last few years. Instead, she got a front row seat to exactly how much weight the gods kept putting on her child.

They'd decided to come down the the pier, where she knew the salt air would lift her son Percy's spirits. He had been subdued since he'd come back from... wherever he was for the last several months. He hadn't shared everything, and the haunted look in his eyes told her she didn't want to know.

She figured he hadn't been able to be much of a teenager while he was away. So she'd talked to her husband, Paul. They were going to have a normal, healthy day out to remind him that he could be a normal, healthy teenager. Maybe chase away some of that darkness that hung around in his eyes.

It seemed to be working. Today he almost seemed like a typical kid, unburdened by anything greater than a report card or standardized testing. He was to her left, verbally jousting with her husband, who was to her right. He was relaxed--holding on to the handrail and leaning back, his hair swept into a deplorable mess by restless fingers and the ocean breeze, his blue T shirt loose and comfortable. His camp necklace was still around his neck--for once he hadn't taken it off when summer had ended. On his arm she saw the brand he'd come back with. She'd been tempted to get mad at him when she'd first seen it. He wasn't old enough for tattoos, demigod or not. But he'd explained that it wasn't exactly his choice, it was just how things were done in the place where he'd received it. Then she had gotten mad, but not at him.

As it was, no one except her seemed to notice. The Mist consistently obscured it. Even Paul sometimes had trouble remembering it was there.

Percy snorted a laugh behind her. "Wait so you're telling me the pigs run the place?" He said, with mock incredulousness, craning his neck to watch Paul's reaction.

Paul gave a humouring sigh. "Yes, and it's a representation--"

"--For how politicians should eat our food scraps?" Percy interrupted, with a mischievous grin. He watched Paul stifle a laugh. Misinterpreting literature had become his favorite way to rag on his stepfather. Paul liked playing along.

Percy drew forward, now leaning on the rail instead of away from it. His green eyes twinkled with humour. "Mom, can you imagine? All that food waste reduced by--"

But he looked over her shoulder, and the joke died. His smile faded, his brows sank, his jaw and shoulders squared. He shoved a hand in his pocket, where she knew he kept his magic pen/sword. In an instant, he had transformed from happy go lucky teen to war-worn demigod.

"Percy--?" She said.

He didn't look at her, instead staring at something at the end of the pier. She followed his line of sight. There, on the end of the pier, stood a tall man in a leather duster and red wraparound shades, with--were those flames?--sticking out from where the eyes should have been. He looked rather out of place against everyone else's T shirt and jeans, but no one seemed to even notice. Seeing him, she felt like she needed to punch something, but Paul interrupted that thought.

"Is something wrong," Paul murmured at her side, trying to assess the sudden tone shift. He couldn't see through the Mist like her and Percy, but he could see them, and they'd both just frozen in place. Sally looked sidelong at Percy. His face, his stance, was all a mix of apprehension and anger.

She looked back at the man in leather and answered her husband.

"I don't know. There's someone over there. He looks human but powerful. I don't know who he is."

The man seemed to be waiting for Percy to begin the conversation. Percy drew his sword and stepped out into the middle of the pier, away from Sally and Paul. He also waited, forcing the other man to start the conversation.

The man snapped his fingers, and the crowd on the pier moved away as though bewitched. Percy didn't move, so neither did Sally. She caught Paul on the chest and kept him there too, though his eyes flicked nervously between the man, Percy and her. She wasn't sure what he saw, but it probably wasn't good.

The last few mortals trickled off the pier and the man finally spoke.

"Perseus Jackson," he said, spitting the name out like it was a bunch of bad grapes. "Son of the sea god. My least favorite mortal. You are certainly making a name for yourself."

"What do you want?" Percy demanded, and Sally was startled to hear such command in his voice.

"Oh it's not what I want, kid. It's what Olympus wants."

Percy raised his eyebrows briefly. "Oh, so you can suddenly see past the end of your nose?"

Sally swallowed her laugh. She wasn't 100% sure who this guy was, but he was definitely immortal. She could sense his aura of power. Yet even at him, Percy was mouthing off. Maybe he wasn't as worn down as she'd thought. Then again, maybe he was using wit to hide his real feelings. She didn't have time to wonder, because the flames around the man's glasses flared up brightly and he stepped forward.

"If it were up to me, Jackson, you'd be dead. You are my least favorite demigod."

"Well, good, because the feeling's mutual."

"You want a fight, kid?"

Percy tightened his grip on his sword. Sally realized that the water around them was slowly rising. It was nearly level with the pier.

"I beat you once, Ares. I can do it again."

She stared at Percy, mouth open. Partly because he was goading the god of war into a fight, partly because he'd apparently done this before, and partly because for the first time in her experience of seeing through the Mist, she saw Percy's aura of power, radiating off of him like the tide. This was her son.

The water was above the railings now. It did not spill over. It simply rose silently, fencing in the confrontation. Towards the shore, it tapered off, but behind the god at the end, it peaked. Ares glanced at the rising water, and for a second she thought he almost looked nervous.

"Nice show, kid. But we both know that in a death match, I'd win. So instead, I'll settle for a little manners. Isn't that your mother right there? Didn't she teach you better?"

Sally immediately registered the god's veiled threat. She swallowed. She hadn't stayed to get in the way. She just... didn't want to lose sight of Percy, so soon after getting him back.

Percy blinked once, then lowered his chin and the tip of his sword. "What does Olympus want?" He said, still demanding, but in a softer tone.

"Beats me."

Percy's head retracted slightly.

"But you've been summoned to the throne room. Tomorrow morning. Show up. Or don't, and I'll get the pleasure of dragging you there." Percy raised his sword again. The water was above their heads--ten, twelve feet high. "And because you've been an insolent punk, I'm not gonna help you with those two back there." The god pointed to behind Percy, and began to glow.

"Don't look!" Shouted Percy, and the water crashed down around them. Sally shut her eyes, and pushed Paul's head down so he didn't stare at whatever godly power might leak through the Mist.

When she opened her eyes, she made two realizations. First, that she and Paul were both dry, despite the wall of water. Second, that Percy was already in combat with two monsters that had appeared on the shore side of the pier. She only managed not to scream because she'd grown used to seeing beasts like this over the years of seeing through the Mist. These two must have been what Ares said he wasn't going to help with.

Paul caught her eye and raised both eyebrows, as if to say, 'what is going on?' She put a hand on his arm to reassure without drawing the monsters' attention. The last thing Percy needed was for her to make herself a target again.

Percy was holding off both monsters with his sword, backing his way towards the oceanside railing where Ares had just been. He thrust, parried, and rolled around their claws and maw so fast she could barely follow the movement. They had backed him against the railing when one of them grazed his abdomen.

Despite her intention, she squeaked in fear at seeing him injured.

The near monster turned and saw her and Paul, seemingly for the first time. It--he?--began to waddle over.

"No." She heard Percy growl as he clutched his stomach, and the sheer venom in his voice made the hair on her neck stand on end, despite that she was in no danger from him. It sounded so unlike him. The monster lumbered over, but all her instincts were trained on Percy as the dangerous one.

A fist of water rose from the side and snatched the monster, slamming him into the railing, and then flicking him over and into the sea beyond.

In that moment, which must have taken a lot of concentration, she saw the other monster lunge at Percy. He met it with his bare hands, and they tumbled over the railing. She heard a terrible splash as they broke the surface twenty feet below.

Paul and she stared at the end of the pier. Then they ran to the railing and looked over.

They could see nothing. No bubbles, no underwater movement. Not even a jellyfish.

She held her breath.

She knew he could breathe underwater. He'd told her that, even demonstrated anytime they visited a beach, though it usually lead to a warning from the lifeguard, if there was one.

But watching an eerily still ocean after seeing him go over, locked in combat with a monster.... It was one thing to see him show off his ability, and another to see him depend on it.

She backed away from the edge and sat down on one of the benches that filled the center of the pier's ocean end. Paul sat beside her.

"He'll be all right," he said, taking her hand. She knew it was as much for himself as for her. At least she had seen what had happened.

They sat there for over an hour, scanning the waves and shoreline every few minutes for any sign of Percy's return. The crowd trickled back onto the pier, and soon it was as though nothing had happened.

Please. Sally thought. Please come back. Please don't be swept off into another quest or godly errand.

She had seen this happen so many times. They started what was supposed to be a normal day, only for something to go drastically wrong, and Percy would be gone for weeks, sometimes months.

Not today. I just got him back. Not today.

Finally she could stand it no longer. She rummaged in her bag.

"What are you looking for?" Paul asked when her search became frantic.

"Matches! The matches I always keep in here!"

Paul winced. "Oh honey, I think you used them last night to light that candle. They're probably in our room."

She fixed Paul with a desperate, shattered look. She knew he was right. "No! Paul, I need fire. I need a way to make fire!"

He held up his hand in a placating gesture and reached behind him with the other. "Hang on. Hang on. Maybe I have something in my wallet."

He had one match.

She struck it against the bench and cupped her hands around it, protecting it from the sea wind. Carefully she held the flame against the blue-frosted cinnamon roll she'd been intending to surprise Percy with. It didn't want to light, but she insisted.

"Sally--"

The frosting caught the blaze and she picked it up, then rushed to the side and threw it as far out into the ocean as she could.

"POSEIDON!" She called out. The people milling to either side alternately ignored her, or looked at her like she was a crazy, raving lunatic. She did not care. "Bring Percy back!"

Paul came up to her side. She continued shouting to the waves. "Do not let him be swept off into another quest, or errand, or--he needs a break. Do you not see that? He is tired. Your son is tired. Bring. Him. Back."

She gripped the railing until her knuckles went white. Paul simply stood with her. The crowd gave them a wide berth.

They both kept scanning the shore and the waves, but no dark hair popped up. The wildlife had returned, and the crowd was aweing over the glimpse of some dolphins, but still no sign of Percy.

Finally Paul tugged on her arm. "C'mon, it's almost noon. Let's get something to eat. We can come back."

"No," she said.

He gave her a worried look. "Sally--" She knew he didn't want Percy to be gone any more than she did. He was just worried about her.

"I'm afraid if I leave, then Poseidon will think I'll take no for an answer," she said.

Paul pursed his lips. "Is this why you always keep matches?"

"Yes."

"When was the last time he answered you?"

She opened her mouth, then thought better of it. "A long time ago. But he will listen this time. He will."

Her husband shifted his weight. "All right, we'll stay til sundown. If nothing by then, we go home and... I-message Chiron? Don't you still have a drachma?" He met her eye as if to ask if that was a viable plan. She nodded. "I'll go get us some food," he said.

He came back with hotdogs and fries slathered with slimy cheese, and two Cokes. "They didn't have any blue," he joked. Sally felt tears prick the corners of her eyes but smiled anyway.

Seagulls begged for their food. The crowd came and went around them. They still got up every quarter of an hour or so to scan, and Paul walked along the beach in case Percy washed up out of sight. But they found nothing. As the sun grew lower and lower over the city behind them, so did their expectations.

Finally the pier was quiet. The sun hadn't set, but it was behind the buildings, and the sky was a glaring orange, like a highway safety cone. The shadows had grown long, making everything look ghostly in the warm light.

They saw two officers moving towards the pier to lock the gate at the shore end. One of them pointed out to where they were sitting, and his partner leaned back, clearly displeased that the pier was not vacant.

"They're going to lock up," said Paul. "That's our cue. We should go."

Sally blinked back her tears. She really thought--it was silly, but something had really made her think that if she sat here, Poseidon might listen.

Paul looked around, doing one more quick scan of the area. "Sally, I know you want to stay, but you have to face the likelihood--" He stopped, staring over the side. "There," he said, pointing down on the beach. "There! That's him, isn't it?"

Sally rushed to the side.

Down on the beach, a teenager with dark hair was wading in through the surf, with surprising ease. He held a glowing sword in his hand, and even more odd, he looked bone dry.

"Yes!" Sally exclaimed. She could cry. It was so good to see him. "PERCY!" She called to him.

Percy had been scanning the horizon, no doubt trying to figure out where he'd come ashore, but at hearing his name, his attention snapped to the pier. Sally waved frantically and rushed down the stairs to the beach, past the two officers who were trying to figure out where this kid had just come from.

Percy capped his sword and put it into his pocket, ascending the stairs as Sally descended. They met in the middle and she repressed the urge to smother him in a hug. His shirt was torn and he had a bruise on his left arm, but otherwise he looked the same as when he'd left them.

He winced at the orange sky behind her. "Sorry to keep you waiting," he said, shoulders stooped from exhaustion.

"Oh, Percy," she said, and put a hand on the back of his neck, which she could do easily even though he was a step below her. "I'm just glad to have you back."

"Yeah..." he looked away sheepishly. "I didn't realize those guys were amphibious. Last time I fought them--well nevermind. Tyson showed up and we sent them packing."

Tyson. That must have been Poseidon's way of answering.

"That's wonderful," Sally said, and she meant it.

"Ma'am." Behind them, the officers had detained Paul from the stairs, and were now motioning for Percy and her to come up, so they could lock the pier.

Together they climbed the stairs. Paul clapped Percy on the back as they walked towards the parking lot.

"I guess we won't have a beach day," said Sally as they walked.

"Yeah just my luck," muttered Percy.

"But there are still lots of lovely little shops open," proffered Sally. "We could look around, find someplace to eat--"

"Mom." Percy paused a few paces behind. "Honestly? Can we just go home?"

"Of course." She smiled at him, watching his expression as it flickered between happy and haunted and finally settled on exhausted. "I think we've got some frozen pizza. Or I can probably make blue pancakes."

Percy smiled, a mischievous grin that reached all the way to his eyes.

"Yeah. That'd be nice."

They were in the middle of a parking lot, but on impulse, she hugged him. Hopefully no drivers would turn them into a mother and son blue pancake. She felt the tension go out of him as she held him, and in a moment he embraced her back. With her face over his shoulder, she mouthed 'thank you' towards the sea.

#percy jackson #percy jackson fanfic #pjo #hoo #sally jackson #paul blofis #sort of #poseidon #percy jackson and the olympians #heroes of olympus #sorta #this is my first fanfic go easy #also I haven't finished HOO yet so I realize Ares might not work like that anymore but I needed someone Percy would 100% fight instantly

21 notes · View notes

genericpuff · 11 months

Note

hey! I’m not sure if you’ve seen this yet, but in regards to RS’s awful layer management, I bring you this from the waybacksmythe insta account!

I’m 99% sure that she’s taught herself to work in this manner for a VERY long time. I mean, there’s barely anything in the main layers that have even MORE layers clipped to them

insanity

yooo thank you for this!

Honestly, I don't think it's that bad when it comes to illustration work, it comes down to just being "use whatever amount of layers you need", and it's clear it worked for her older art. It would be fine for comics as well, but most people naturally opt to reduce the layers they use because it just makes things, well, faster, and less complicated. Not to mention if her layer management is part of the reason her file sizes are ending up absurdly huge, then ??? It seems like a no brainer to reduce them. Esp considering so many of the layers in LO from what I've seen in screenshots just seem so pointless, like hyper-micromanaging levels of pointless.

That said, I think there are a lot of things she's taught herself to do that she just hasn't bothered to unlearn, like she thinks she works "better" doing things this way. Her "time management techniques" that result in her and her team always crunching through the weight of the next deadline, her layering structure, how she manages her assistants, the list goes on. It's like when you're so used to doing something one way, you're convinced it has to be working because otherwise, why would you be doing it that way? It's always "worked" for you up until now, so why change? It's why it's hounded into art students especially to step outside of their comfort zone and try new things because it's only through trying new things that you may learn you've been making things way harder for yourself than you need to.

This might be a bit too psychoanalytical, but we were talking about this very subject in the Discord the other day, and it came up that it's like when someone who's struggling with untreated depression or ADHD says, "I don't want to be medicated, it'll take away my spark!" but their spark is literally not showering for a week and eating nothing but toast and mold growing on the dishes in the sink.

In this case, it feels like Rachel's going "I don't want to change, it'll ruin my work!" but her work is literally already falling apart because she's been sticking to these same work methods that are clearly not working for her.

It makes me think of that one old reel where she talks about how she tried something new that didn't work out and became frustrated over the "lost time".

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Rachel Smythe (@usedbandaid)

instagram

And I do agree with the advice that she's giving in this video, artists should give themselves the space and time to figure things out, to make mistakes, because it's not lost time, it's time you're spending to try. That time will pass anyways, so use it how you like.

But unfortunately I don't think Rachel is actually good at applying this advice because she hasn't set herself up for success. She's always constantly on an immediate deadline because she never sets herself up with proper buffers. She never made herself a plan in the narrative to get this far so she's constantly jumping between plot points to give herself time to figure out how to resolve them. She can't give herself that free time to figure her shit out because she's constantly wringing out the time she has available to her. Look no further than how much time she traditionally spends on social media, AFAIK it's just her running it meaning she's spending all this time browsing and retweeting that she could be spending getting her ducks in a row.

None of this is to say she isn't allowed to have free time, I think it would be great if she could be an Originals creator who could also manage having a healthy work life balance, god knows so many creators don't get to do that. But it's not free time if you're spending it under the weight of deadlines that are literally a week away. It's just distracting yourself.

Of course, that's all speculative, so I'm not gonna continue on much longer with this train of thought, it's just the impression I get because it's clear she values her time but doesn't know how to manage it properly. I feel that all too well as someone who also struggles with ADHD.

#lore olympus critical #lo critical #antiloreolympus #anti lore olympus #ama #ask me anything #anon ama #anon ask me anything

63 notes · View notes

donniesexceptionalmind · 10 months

Note

Heya!

What do you do when your stressed? I feel like people really dont talk about YOU as much!

if you want I can also tell you what I do when im stressed!

-Vixen

How considerate of you to think of me, @theyvixen /g

I have LOTS of tools to use when I'm stressed, I just...

Simply do not use them sometimes.

I will add everything I SHOULD do when stressed, regardless of the underlying causes to do not stretch my post - it will be long anyway...

✨️ My ways of HEALTHY stress coping: THE MASTER LIST ✨️

Stimming, fidgeting, anything that uses my senses to help me with my focus

Touching spikey objects (Raph's shell, I do have pressure rings & balls) to ground myself - friendly reminder that it can become a self-injuring stim if you're not careful enough & that's NOT a healthy way of coping (I know they're effective in the specific situation)

Chirping & churring, Echolalia, aka vocal stimming to calm myself down or keep myself grounded

Chewing gum

Tuning out bright lights with sunglasses & unwanted, complex noises with my headphones (Mikey gifted me galaxy-themed ear defenders for at home!!!!)

Reducing verbal communication to text or sign language

Taking a break from the situation that's stressful or leaving entirely

Listening to music, stim dance to it & sing along to release tension

If I am to concentrate: meditation

Watching my favourite movies & shows or clips of them if I am able to

Screaming into a pillow

Deep pressure from Raph or my weighted blanket

Writing my thoughts out (paper or phone, mostly phone, though)

Running (like the exercise)

Thinking of my special interests, e.g. citing facts in my head, favourite lines, ...

Hydrating & eating something to get energy (sometimes I'm just dehydrated & in need of food)

Talk to Mikey

Dissociating

Seek comfort in Nardo (which is just me sticking to him)

This list is probably very incomplete, but that was all I was able to remember at the moment.

Apologies.

Me whenever my brothers ask if I have done active meltdown/ shutdown prevention:

Please share your ways of coping with stress! I'd love to read them & find new ways!

Thank you for the lovely inbox, I appreciate it!

#donnie speaks #donnie answers #donnies exceptional mind #turtle net #stress coping #stress #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt #rottmnt donnie #autistic donatello #rise autistic donnie #rottmnt autistic donnie #autistic donnie

50 notes · View notes

heyitssashag · 2 months

Text

It’s been a busy few days and the fatigue has been brutal.

I finished this book, yesterday:

It was good. A quick read. I also liked the fact he referred to big (often well-known) studies. I’m so tired of reading books where people use tiny, out-dated, obscure studies to back up their health-related claims.

“A study of 12 people in 1974 who ate 17 grapefruits a day, bathed in mustard and did handstands every morning cured their migraines in 3 days.” …I’m obviously being sarcastic but some of the studies quoted are ridiculous and completely self serving.

Anyway, this book was a bit repetitive but the author was trying to drive home the message that a clean, vegan diet is beneficial for hormone balancing. It also says to reduce all fats (even healthy ones like olive oil, nut butters or avocados). I think he says this mostly because hormones are stored in body fat and he said the most effective way to balance hormones is to be a healthy body weight. Added saturated fats *may* cause weight gain (depending how much you eat).

I am a healthy body weight but I need more energy. Menopause (and cancer) has been an asshole. My cancer is also hormone positive. So… today is my second day of eating vegan. It’s going well. I’m on my 4th cycle of chemotherapy and normally I would have had gastrointestinal issues by now but I don’t. I think it was the dairy. I was eating a lot of yogurt (especially in the evening) as I thought it would help with gut health but now I know it made it worse. I also ate quite a bit of cheese. Plus, I added a lot of cream in my coffee. Now, I just stopped drinking it. Having herbal tea instead. The book tells you to try out the vegan diet for 3 weeks as you should start feeling better and labs should start improving. So I will try it. Diets are like medications where there’s no “one size fits all”. Just have to try different ones to see what helps and works for you.

I’ve also started reading The Metabolic Approach to Cancer. It’s got a ton of info and is pretty dry. I’m not sure what I think of it yet. Of course, one of the things it talks about is the keto diet. Personally, I don’t think that it works for most cancers. It may for some. Who knows, maybe I’ll try it at some point but I was advised against it as it can trigger a rapidly low mood (especially in the beginning). I’m generally open to anything that’ll potentially make me feel better, not worse.

Why am I reading these books? I know that going on medications is only part of the puzzle piece. I have to make sure I get enough exercise, sleep, water, rest as well as fun/joy and laughter. Nutrition is a huge part though. Can’t really expect to function like a normal human being if you’re fuelling with the wrong foods. That often takes some trial and error. I’ve been vegan before a few times and felt good on it. Then I’d get lazy and fall off the wagon. So I’ll see how this time goes. I’ve got (easy) meals planned out for the week and all the groceries were delivered. Trying to set myself up for success.

The kid is also doing well on their gluten-free diet. They said they’re feeling way better (no longer bloated or constipated) and are sticking with it. I’m so glad they’re getting results so fast. I’ve also noticed their mood is changing in a positive way, too.

Tomorrow, I have an appointment with my favourite counsellor. I’ve also got a butt-load of paperwork to get through along with follow up phone calls and emails to make. I made an extensive to-do list and hope to get everything ticked off ✔️ by the end of the month. I love ticking things off. It’s a great dopamine hit.

#metastatic breast cancer #fitblr #nutrition #life update #blogging on my blog

12 notes · View notes

futurebird · 7 months

Text

Dieting Myth: "if you diet too long your 'metabolism' will slow down"

Now it *is* true that if you go on a diet and lose 30lbs (and don't change your activity level) you'll find you burn fewer calories daily. But, I think people are overlooking the obvious reason why. Imagine carrying a 30 pound weight around all day. That'd be like... well, it's extra exercise.

The main reason you need fewer calories after loosing weight is because you weigh less. But this isn't the only factor at play.

The human body is very adaptable and only maintains just enough muscle mass to accomplish the tasks that you do regularly. "Use it or loose it" is very real.

I learned this lesson the hard way after spending 3 weeks confined to a bed due to a very bad leg fracture two years ago. After just three weeks not using my legs nearly all the muscle was gone. The first time I tried to stand with assistance I passed out! Blacked right out like a 19th century lady on a fainting couch.

I was appalled and impressed at how quickly my body had determined that all my leg muscle wasn't needed. This also happens when you lose weight. If you weigh less you need less muscle to move your body. So your muscle mass will decrease.

The major players that determine how many calories you burn each day are:

weight

muscle mass

activity level

Any diet will reduce the first two if you don't change the last one. That's the main reason people report "metabolism slowing"

There is a fourth effect. But it only applies to extreme diets. If your diet is too strict it will make you tired. You won't want to move very much. You will fidget less, get up less often. All three categories end up decreased. But, a diet so strict it makes you tired probably isn't healthy. Extreme low calories will also starve your brain of sugar, which you need to be able to think. Your thinking will be cloudy and you probably will even lack the energy to think very hard about anything.

You have to still live while you are on a diet. (For those with EDs, this right here could be your "problem" you aren't even eating enough to keep going day to day. And I know just saying it isn't going to cure your ED, but you don't deserve to be treated so badly and should stop treating yourself so badly. Or at least understand the real reason why you can't make the number go down anymore. You are dying. I hope your thinking isn't too cloudy to notice. Seriously.)

There also probably are differences in metabolism related to how the body uses calories, that vary from person to person & can change over your life. This is what most people think "slowed metabolism" means. A change in the fundamental efficiency of the body. But this really isn't the *main* factor in why people who loose weight end up discovering they don't need to eat as much to stay at their new weight. If you run the numbers on muscle mass, weight etc... it tends to explain everything.

Happily, if you have lost weight becoming more active can be easier. (depends on where you start and end, naturally) Really, this is one of the few good reasons to decide to loose weight (provided you can do so safely) IMO.

#diets #metabolism #fat loss #weight loss #ED #tw restrictive ed #muscle #body #body image #weight #ed #food #metabolic health #lose weight #metabolism slowing #slow metabolism #diet plateau #weight loss plateau

20 notes · View notes

shadycreatordefendor · 2 months

Text

WEIGHT LOSS TIPS THAT ACTUALLY WORK :

Drink water ( I know you heard it many times but IT WORKS) -> Drink A glass or two first thing in the morning and before sleep + at least 2 L a day ( depends on many things but don't over drink)

Eat smaller portions : remember calories in vs calories out so even if you eat junk food in small portions and less than your TDD you can lose weight but it's not healthy and not sustainable long term

Eat healthy : vegetables and fruits contain fiber and a lot of water and nutrients so they can help you lose it and actually glow up too ! But there are nuts and fruits high in calories so always track it !! No sugary drinks , No Starbucks huge lattes with +500 cals , No fruit juices ( bad for insulin) No fizzy drinks , No alcohol ( for faster results)

Move your body : it doesn't matter, walk , run , do cardio at home , even 15 minutes of workout are a must even if you don't see progress at first keep doing it ! DISCIPLINE PLEASE ! also cleaning and moving around the house can help too so be active as much as you can !

Count calories ! Keep tracking! I am not saying do this out of obsession but if you never did you should try to at least get familiar with foods and see how much they are calories wise. You'll be surprised tho , this will help you make fast progress

Calculate your TDEE OR bmr and say what you need based on activity, you can reduce more but do not go under bmr it's really not sustainable and you won't be able to move much

Be patient: every body is different so if you know you will stop trying to lose weight when you don't see progress just don't see your weight or don't look in the mirror , eventually your clothes will get loose and you will notice and that'll keep you going !

It's a lifestyle: the mentality of eating junk as a normal day food and healthy food as a special event such as a diet is dead now. Junk food is not gonna help you in any way long term so take care of yourself and create a healthy routine it's your body ! Wake up !

String mindset: you have to believe in yourself and always have a vision , keep that healthy skinny/fit/ whatever version you want in your head and it will keep you going

Fuxk motivation : again you do this out if discipline don't follow your feelings!

Subliminals : listen to weight loss subliminals they do help . I have a YouTube channel myself dedicated for that so if you want to check it out its in my bio ( I'm just trying to help if you don't want to that's totally fine the other tips help as well)

So that's what I have to say out of my experience with diets and trying to lose weight. Those are golden advice please apply and tell me your results ^^ love ya and good luck

9 notes · View notes

nevarroes · 2 months

Note

knowing that cas had the lifespan of a devil and that gortash not only has a human lifespan but one that has been drastically reduced by his morbid obesity -

how would cas react to gortash’s death? would he feel guilt or just find a way to resurrect him into another race? ie reincarnation spells as that would give a possibility for longer life. im curious what cas’s feelings on gortash’s far shortened lifespan are.

especially since it’s mainly casim’s fault you know?

hmm I talked about Gortash‘s potential death and how Cas would deal with a few times (here is the last time I remember) but it doesn‘t have much to do with his lifespan or him dying of obesity-related causes because Cas is… quite literally making sure he‘s fine

little excursion with health cw I suppose but for context Cas didn‘t care much for his health when they first started off but through and with the whole feeding and weight gain thing Cas did slowly admit (to himself) that it wasn‘t actually to cause him harm and that he does care for him. So… as it went on Cas was actually looking specifically into infernal magic nd alchemy concerning the topic since you know, I doubt it's something that never came up as an end of some infernal contract or even just for some devil lord himself. anyways nowadays Cas pretty much forces someone from his old organization to supply him with infernal potions that makes sure Gortash doesn't have any type of major issues that would cause his death. It's a big risk for him considering he shouldn't be in contact with anyone from the Nine Hells at all but I mean he does it for Gortash obviously.

So generally they don't approach the fetish in any type of healthy way but Gortash is alright as long as he stays with Cas. In a way this is just another part of their control/power dynamic and something that Gortash is willingly letting Cas control at the end of the day. But I suppose to get back to the actual questions if Gortash were to die in any way that allowed for resurrection Cas would do it of course, Cas would literally sell his soul again just as much as the other way around if neccessary😖 There's no real worry about his lifespan because of what I talked about, but there is the worry of Gortash being mortal and dying way sooner than Cas to begin with but you know... they are not making it to that point to begin with aside from in this little old age thought experiment au👎

#blakemail #health #cw health #gortcas lore #Cas is playing the whole potion stuff as a control thing sometimes u know. jealousy/possessiveness talks that go in the direction of #“who else will do this for you if you leave me” but Cas thought abt it and literally made sure to have a supply of them in case he dies #so u know i say it's part of a powerplay thing but if anything that's. the less important fact its moreso that Cas genuinely tries to care #in a fucked up way I suppose because he causes this but this is still Gortcas we are talking about

17 notes · View notes

bluiex · 2 years

Note

Hello! It's the 'Vamp Scar dancing with Hunter Grian but not really anon' again! I'm here again, this time with another little thing about these two's relationship! Today I give you Grian getting taken care of after a few other hunters beat him up when they (rightly) think he's abandoning their oath of killing all vampires, but don't do any actual investigating and take it into their own hands. And how Scar does not like anyone hurting his Grian :)

~~~~

Scar had gotten used to Grian being around. He had gotten used to someone alive sharing his space. He had gotten used to the sound of a heart beating not to far away. He had gotten used to the warm weight that often presses against him. He had gotten used to how his bed dips and creaks as someone else crawls in to cuddle.

He had gotten used to to their smell sticking to everything. The rooms, his sheets, his clothes...He had truly gotten used to them.

He didn't think he had to get used to open wounds and their blood soaked bandages.

"em sorry Scar..." Grian says, only semi-lucid after taking more than the recommended amount of pain killers.

"And why are you apologizing?" He asks, wincing a little as another grotesque looking wound appears after unwrapping the cloth binding their arm. "It's not like asked to have five of your 'colleagues' to beat you within an inch of your life."

"I know...that this must be really...real difficult for you. With all the...blood and mess I'm making. I'm getting...blood all over your tile and tub."

"It's alright Gri. You just try to relax as I turn the water on and try to get you cleaned up."

He watches them nod their head before he tosses the red cloth bandage into the bin with the other ones. He hates seeing all those bandages, with the red almost overtaking the fabric and only leaving a white edge as a reminder to what it once looked like. He hates how torn to pieces their clothes were, reduced to nothing more then hole ridden rags. He hates how they seem to have been stripped of all possessions on their person, their weapons, their phone, and even their wallet nowhere to be found...

He hates how broken their body looks, how their limbs seem be so limp, how once healthy skin is slit open and irritated and likely to be bruised, how shallow their breathing is, how vacant their eyes look, how dirt sticks to their hair and is smudged way to close to too many open and still bleeding wounds, how it looks like they are so close to death and are just waiting for the Grim Reaper to walk through the door...

And he hates how the people who did this had walked away with nothing happening to them.

"I'm going to turn the facet on. You tell me if it's too hot or cold, okay?"

"Okay..."

~~~~

Scar carefully rests a bundled up sleeping Grian on the bed, carefully brushing hair out of the way to kiss their forehead.

"I'm going to spoil you so much during your recovery..." He murmurs against their skin. "I'm going to spoil so much you won't remember how life was before."

Grian makes a low noise before turning their head and resting their cheek on a pillow. He carefully runs his fingers through their hair, still wet even after him trying to dry it with a towel.

"I'm going to spoil you because you deserve it after coming so close to death. I'm going to spoil you because it's unfair what happened to you."

He slowly moves his hand down their face, gently brushing a thumb along their bottom lip, unfortunately split in two places.

"I'm going to spoil you because despite everything, you still chose to be with me. You still chose to be mine."

He gently and carefully presses a kiss to their lips, pushing down anger as he tastes blood.

"And I am to hunt the people who did this to you. And I am going to kill them."

Grian lets out a low hum, like they heard him and like the idea.

WAAAH ANON THIS IS A LOVELY FEIST- This is amazing. thank you for this. SO well written!!! I felt like I could feel Scar;s emotions and just wanted to beat the crap out of those guys too *chefs kiss*

#bluie gets an ask poggers #scarian #scarian vampire hunter au #scarian ficlet #QUEUED POST

129 notes · View notes

do-you-have-a-flag · 2 months

Text

i'm not looking for advice from anyone who isn't a professional i seek out myself (in the process) but i wanted to just find a straight forward list/reference guides for foods that fit certain nutritional criteria and it is SO HARD to find something that isn't combined with a bunch of lifestyle stuff

like, i have no interest in diet culture, i'm looking to alter my PERSONAL diet and to do that i need just basic info

what i am NOT looking for is: combining nutritional info with calorie counting, specific exercise regiments, diet recipes, irrelevant dietary info

while these are varyingly useful to many people they are not what i specifically need, because i am not interested in fast weight loss i am interested in something i can maintain long term

and i KNOW the best way to do that is to start from what i am already doing and build positive momentum

i don't want to start by cutting out foods and substituting in things i don't normally eat, that's just combining a loss of something familiar with the risk of not liking or being bad at cooking something new.

so i am starting by reducing some foods or preparing them differently, the only substitutions i am making is based on time not food type as a lot of the less healthy things i eat i eat out of time/MONEY convenience.

I am starting by changing preparation style, i am prioritising pre-planning over last minute convenience, i am picking more of what i make myself, i am reducing the frequency of certain ingredients, I am cooking for myself rather than whatever my parents have made, i am switching some ingredients i like for other ingredients i like.

I don't actually eat all that poorly but the biggest pitfall i have to watch for is convenience (some call it laziness but that's a needlessly negative spin on a grander issue of limited energy and resources) . speedy preparation and eating based on what is already cooked or ready to snack is where the actual foods i need to cut out are. I don't actually have to cut anything dramatic as of yet and I already like experimenting with recipes.

there is no need to switch to boring or bland food, I wanna focus on more conscious cooking rather than limiting options.

and while the exercise i do participate in is good i'm far too infrequent with it so motivation/consistency is the name of the game there

and it's hard because there's so much to filter out when I just want like... here's a filter you can search by food item to check against various nutritional qualities. when i want a guide on how to safely do certain low impact variations on exercise for days when i can't go take a 5 hour hike.

I don't want specific recipes, i don't wan't lifestyle motivation, i don't want diet culture or fitness culture. i want common sense guidelines so i can work with what i have and be safe about it until i am able to get personalised advice from a reliable professional source.

i don't even have specific goals because i don't wanna get fixated on numbers, my goals are like "get the one number from your blood test you were warned about to within healthy range" and "find a cardio/strength based exercise routine that you can maintain without getting bored"

like, major respect to people whose hobby is fitness or nutrition, i'm not looking for a hobby i am looking for the health equivalent of background music, something i can integrate into my daily life and enjoy while still going about my regular activities.

#my mum this morning literally like: when you lose weight your appetite will also decrease #like mother you have missed my point #whatever working on that #also she was like: what are you going to have for lunch there's no food in the house #mother we got the groceries.... yesterday.......#anyway i will be making a curry because we do in fact have food in the house hfjkdfghjdhfgd

11 notes · View notes

just-somedude · 4 months

Note

hi i have a fitness related question!! first of all thank u for being so helpful and reading through all the asks and taking time to answer them- that’s really really kind<33 besides from hiking several times a week i am also doing workouts every second day or so. and while i do feel better, stronger and more flexible, i don’t exactly “tone up” yk? i started to workout again after gaining weight due to mental issues but i’m stuck right before the finishing line. Any tips on how to tone up a little and lose that little bit of last jiggle, especially at the legs? i am a girl btw and i eat plant based :) thanks for ur answer and have a great day <33

I'm happy to help, I enjoy seeing people healthy and reaching their goals :)

"toning up" in the way most people use the term, means to lose fat while maintaining/building muscle. The way to do that is by keeping your activity levels high, which you seem to do well, and eating lots of protein while reducing intake in some way. You need to burn more energy than you consume, which will cause your body to eat away at it's fat stores as a source of energy, therefore causing you to "tone".

All of this takes time, it may not happen a week from now but if you're consistent, within a couple of months the differences will be there. Unfortunately there's no way to spot reduce fat, the body will get rid of it wherever it decides to, so you can't lose fat in specific parts like your legs, it happens overall.

It sounds like you're already doing the right things, but if you feel you've plateaud, change something up. Eat slightly less, or move a little bit more. Focus on having fun with it, not restricting yourself to specifc foods because they're "bad", eat what you want in moderation and keep doing it because you enjoy it, not because you have to.

#asks #fitness stuff

8 notes · View notes

Last Seen Blogs

amongwolves-xiv

Ssima of the Mol Tribe

buygenericmedicin-blog

Buygenericmedicin

vtopica

Utópica

klinesears62

The Journey of Dogan 330

abstractpainters

Abstractpainters