pls, you guys are going to make me cry from the warm welcome on this platform. I've been struggling with my place in the space of roleplay on x. A few of my friends have wanted me to come here for ages, as that other setting isn't friendly to my style of writing outside the few partners I have.
Thank you so much my loves. It means the world to me! I hope we can all write! I'm so excited to be here now. Initially, I was such an anxious bean to write. Thank you.
The fact that as a nearly 27 year old woman, I can tell the anxious and depressed teenagers I work with that not only does it get better, but THEY get better, is wonderful. It doesn't fix their issues, it just gives them a view of a future where things have improved.
As a nearly 27 year old woman who's going through her first 'real' heartbreak and breakup, still lives at home, is terrified to try dating or exploration of sexualities and being more open, does not have a full time job or the ability to move out without moving so far away I'd have to quiet my part time entertainment job, has no clue if she'll ever fall in love again or get married or adopt kids and is still struggling with PTSD from stuff that happened in school, work, life and my own untreated for years mental state... Yeah I want the 37 year old me to reach out and show that it'll all get better and I will get better.
But 37 year old me isn't here yet, nor is 27 year old me. 26 year old me, at least, is trying to make better changes.
Yes, I have lost someone I thought I'd marry. It's sad. I miss her. I miss us. I am so happy she's moved on to bigger and better things and I am so sad it didn't go the way I so badly wanted. But one day, I think I'll be with someone who I love and who loves me back, in that intimate way I loved her. We'll geek over special interests, crave each others company without NEEDING it, help each other to keep being our best selves and live our own lives whist living a life together. She will hold me close and I'll feel at home. And I'll look on this experience as a sad but, as something that at least showed me that I can feel love. And that love I did feel was amazing.
Yes I am not in a career and I'm afraid of GETTING that career and not liking it. But I'm also lucky that I like my current weekend entertain work a lot, and it's shown me WAY more skills that I didn't know I even had! I wrote a god damn book. I'm still looking for a publisher but holy shit I wrote an entire book. And I want to write more! I might have freelance coming up and in April I'll be recording my audio drama, which will help me apply to voice based things. YES, it's not a career yet, but I'm so much more qualified than I used to be!
Yes I still live at home. Because fucking hell I have had a ROUGH 20s. I was so mentally unstable for so long and had no idea. I was genuinely ready to kill myself several times. And that's hard to admit. I'm autistic and have ADHD! I need legit help with things others don't! I look high functioning because of my socialising abilities but I can't keep my space clean. I can't do paperwork. I can't remember to talk to people without alarm set reminders. My OCD still rules so much of my life, my PTSD age regressed me. I'm only just learning to experience anger and jealousy without beating myself up.
Yes. It's hard to believe anyone likes me. I feel so unlikable and boring and annoying. And I know that's almost certainly not true. I have friends. I have new friends. I have a... sort of crush, maybe. I have family that love me. I have people asking to hang out.
I worry all the time I'm a selfish and evil and cruel and fake person. I want to become a better person and work on my flaws, but also the level of bad I feel is probably because of my OCD.
17 year old me thought she was a murderer. Spoiler. I wasn't. I was mentally unwell and suffering with OCD that gave me intrusive thoughts.
I know some of my changes are good. I've started feeling that autistic euphoria from a special interest again. Today I drove home from a gig, and the sky kept producing the most 'shaped' clouds. My heart went glowy. I have missed feeling glowy.
One day 37 year old me will be very happy 26 going on 27 year old me tried her best.
I am NOT letting another homie fall into the
"you feel like an outcast in the group chat so you close yourself off because you dont know what else to do and then that starts conflict you cant undo because the other people dont understand how you are feeling"
hole IM SAVING EVERYONE FROM EXPERIENCING THE PAIN I DID
NO NO NO you're not allowed to do that. You cannot play with my hair and say its soft and it looks cute right now motherfucker I'm trying to get over you
tired of people on tiktok acting like BPD and HPD are the ‘good cluster b disorders’ or the ‘victim cluster b’s’ meanwhile NPD and ASPD are the ‘evil mean abusive cluster b’s’
stfu.
we’re in the same cluster for a reason, you can’t support some whilst demonising the others.
Reminders this Sexual Assault Awareness Month that your assault(s) are valid even if:
Your loved ones don’t believe you
Your assaulter was your lover/partner
You “didn’t fight back”
You were intoxicated
You originally consented
You had consensual sex with them in the past
You waited to speak out
You’ve never spoken out
You didn’t realize it was assault until later in life
You didn’t speak out until later in life
You didn’t go to police
You still haven’t told anyone
You were a child
You were a teenager
You were an adult
You both were children
You were wearing “provocative” clothes
You flirted with them
You pretended to like it
Penetration wasn’t involved
You “gave up” on fighting
You’re scared to tell someone
You can’t talk about it
You can talk about it, but don’t want to
The police didn’t believe you
Your “friends” didn’t/don’t believe you
You still had consensual sex with them after it happened
You never developed any mental illness/trauma-related symptoms from it
The person(s) stopped
The person(s) apologized
You thought it was consensual at the time
No one else was assaulted by them
You initiated the encounter
You orgasmed
You showed signs of arousal
You never were given an apology
Your assaulter refuses to say it was assault
Your assaulter was a family member
Your assaulter was a friend
You feel like it was your fault
You feel like you could’ve stopped it
You’re a girl
You’re a boy
You’re trans
You’re nonbinary, gender-fluid, etc.
You were bigger than them
You were stronger than them
If it was “only” once
If it happened multiple times
If you didn’t act on a bad feeling before the assault happened
If you could have escaped
If speaking out will “ruin their life”
If “it was just a mistake”
If you were warned
If it was an affair
If they were never punished
If they were punished, but it doesn’t feel like enough
There is no right or wrong way to be assaulted. There is no real or fake way to be assaulted. There is no type of assault that “isn’t that bad.” There is no assault that is your fault. You didn’t deserve it. It wasn’t okay. I believe you. I believe in you.