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darlingofvalyria · 8 months

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❝I am not a Valyrian Sex God.❞

part 03 | pucker up, buttercup

chapter summary:

[ The line of friendship dances in uncertain waters when you and Aemond play the fake dating game a little too well. Helaena reveals much more than meets the eye to Aegon, and vice versa. Oh, and Alys. Hi Alys! ]

[ 5,399 ] [ series masterlist ] | best friend's brother!aemond targaryen x f!reader, ft. cregan stark x f!reader & aemond targaryen x alys rivers,

contains— mostly fluff, a wee bit angsty, a little smutty - profanity, i swear a lot sorry too shhshs - no use of y/n - no gods, no kings, no betas.

a/n— thank you so much for the love this little fic is getting so far!! it truly warms my heart that you people enjoy my twisty, crackpot humour and my version of a modern au for these characters!! as much as i am grateful for george for making these characters and these stories, i have to say what propelled me to write is the beautiful community i found. truly, from the bottom of my heart. ❥ fandom is built on community. i would not have had the courage to start writing fanfiction again if not for ya'll. so thank you so much. for the consumers and the creators. you, us, are the beating heart of fandom. please take care of each other. + comment, reblog & like at will, mwa ♡

"Please tell me I haven't inhaled so much drugs in my system that I am hallucinating our— and I say this with a lot love, okay you know what? No. Our Nasty Little Bitch of A Grudge Holder we call, lovingly, a brother, is not dating the hottest friend you have? Hel? The hottest friend you told me if I ever came anywhere near, you'd rip me a new asshole? How is Aemond's asshole still intact?? Or does our brother just have a gaping fun-house slide down there? Hello? Hellooo, pay attention to meee. This is so rude, why didn't I call Daeron?"

"Because Daeron knows nothing and I know everything?" Hel snorts, finishing up re-naming Aemond's contact from CURRENT DUMB BRO to NASTY LITTLE BITCH OF A GRUDGE HOLDER, before turning to Aegon on her laptop.

Like she predicted, Aegon is already pouting, leaning back on what Helaena remembers is their grandfather's rum-coloured leather office chair. In his office. In Oldtown.

After a quick stint in Ibiza, it seems Helaena's brother had found himself back in the country, and worse— back in their grandfather's office. Without him in it.

"Grandpa's going to kill you." Helaena snorts. "How'd you even get inside his house?"

"This is not the first time I have been faced with a locked door, baby sister."

"You broke a window didn't you?"

"I really, really had to piss."

She rolls her eyes. Hard. "You are a boy. You can literally just pee anywhere."

Aegon flutters a gasp and a hand over his chest. "Excuse me? I may have a penis, but that does not mean I have to be uncouth. For shame, Helaena. Also disgusting. But that's not why I called." He steeples his fingers as he leans forward, pressing his elbows against the nice mahogany desk. "What the fuck is happening over there? I'll be there by tomorrow and I'd like to know what the fuck is happening before I start—" he wiggles his eyebrows salaciously, " — shaking things up."

A dark look crosses Helaena's usually amiable pretty face that has Aegon leaning back. "If you do anything— and I mean anything — to ruin what I have going on, Mother may help you for I certainly won't. The Stranger will look like an old friend, Egg, don't you fucking dare."

"What the fuck," Aegon exhales, wide-eyed and horrified. "Have you been watching M. Night Shyamalan movies again?"

"No," she lies. "I'm doing this for my OTP."

"Oh my god, you're the one who roped them together?" Aegon strangles a sigh. "Lae-lae, we've talked about this. No matter how much you think they're cute, Aemond—"

"— Aemond and Alys broke up."

"Then they'll be together again before the weekend's out." Aegon rolls his eyes. "It's Aemond."

"Not like this." Hel shakes her head. "I got her to agree, Egg. And they're like... Gods, the pictures don't do them justice. They're magnetic. They make plans at the apartment, Aemond is there all the time— my OTP is happening."

"You are playing god between two people you care about."

"What else am I supposed to do?! They're obviously so hot for each other, and now that Alys is out of the picture, and she's there, right in front of him, Egg, you should see how it is between them. The energy. It's crackling. They have inside jokes, they're so comfortable with each other, and I will have the most beautiful nephew and niece—"

"—Helaena Targaryen," Aegon admonishes with finality. Hel quiets. Often times, the siblings forget Aegon is quintessentially the oldest sibling. They had never been close to their father's actual firstborn— the age gap is wide and there's just... too much complicated family fissures in between that it feels awkward, even when they're relationship is okay, to interact or consider Rhaenyra anything past a cousin you see every other holiday because you have to, much less now that their father's dead — so Aegon is their big brother.

And though they see it in bits, in flung comet pieces that you see preciously once every few hundred years— the vibe of big brother grasps the edges and reminds the younger siblings.

Sure, he's a dick. Sure, he's a whore. Sure, he's their mother's least and most favourite headache— but Aegon is their big brother.

"You cannot play puppeteer like this. This can blow up in their faces. And they care for each other. Their friends. If this blows up in their faces, it is going to hurt."

"I know that," Helaena says quietly, pout pinched but face mostly cleared. "You don't think I don't know?"

"I think you've already outweighed your chances and your choosing a possibility."

Helaena looks truly scolded at that point, and it juts a guilt down Aegon's stomach. But Aegon likes you. Maybe not like in the way that his brother likes you— in that intense, possessive way he gets with people and things he care about because there are so few of them — but he likes you. And he loves Aemond on a bad day, and likes him on a good one.

And Aegon knows, as a superior power about crashing and burning, that this is going to hurt both of you in ways that he truly doesn't think Helaena understands.

Because he isn't blind (as his brother) (bad joke?) (probably) to what he sees in Aemond's gaze when it looks at you. Sure it's possessive, sure it's the same way he looks at most people he keeps close to his heart.

But he was the one who saw how Aemond looked at you before Alys came into the picture. Before it morphed into nothing but platonic; morphed close to how he looks at Helaena. In that soft, I'm So Glad This Person Exists I Would Kill Literally Everyone For Them.

Aegon always thought he looked at you like he wanted to devour you. Etch you into his skin until your shape is in red marks across white plane. He looked at you like I Would Kill Myself If You Asked.

It was the possibility of devotion dipped in insanity. Aemond had so few things, much less people, who so vocally, physically, and emotionally cared for him without addendums.

The only real reason he never did anything before was because you were Helaena's best friend. Helaena loved you. And he couldn't destroy that alongside the fact that you might leave his side.

And then Alys happened and that focal point moved.

Aegon knew his brother. Not as intensely, and maybe that's the reason he could see it. To see clearly past the intensity and recognise its edges. Aegon knew his brother in his marrow.

"When this crashes and burns—"

"If!" Helaena quips stubbornly. "If it crashes and burns. Come home. You'll see, Egg. Aemond just needs to see."

"And what if she doesn't reciprocate, Lae-lae? She's not hard to love, and this is Aemond." Even Helaena knows his feelings, once taken root in whatever form, can blossom.

Helaena smiles softly. "Come home. You'll see. I can see it. I've seen it. The possibility of them, and it's so pretty, Egg."

It's really not all that pretty, fake dating.

Maybe it could be, but Aemond Targaryen is such an ass.

"This is not like The Devil Wears Prada fashion montage," you grumble, pinching off the big, 60s, yellow sunglasses off your nose to glare pointedly at the man sat on lounge chair. "All the zippers and tugging— this is not as pretty! And I look ridiculous! I don't wear dresses like these, Aemy!"

"You don't look ridiculous, you look like my girlfriend." He makes his emphasis with an inch raised eyebrow and pouty lips twitching not to laugh. "That's the point, is it not?"

You make a drawl huff. It's not just that his words were right— that's what the past hour has been, roaming around all these big named fashion brands where the staff just knows Aemond Targaryen, if not just by him sauntering in with all the swagger of an asshole you'd walk the other side of the street to ignore, then by the flash of his black card (or three, 'cause what the fuck is money to Targaryens holy shit) — but the way he's sitting as he appraises every look he's chosen for you.

He's lax, as could be in his usually perfect posture, with his hips in the middle, and one leg braced down whilst the other is raised to his other thigh. A confident man's sitting position, with an arm over the length of the sofa, balancing a champagne a trying-to-suppress-her-giddiness staff gave him.

At your disapproved glare— down on your nose at him because you're standing over him, lording over him, as he's sitting down — and he's smirking up at you. As if the power dynamics don't shift by whoever is looming over the other.

Aemond doesn't need to stand to make you feel all fluttery with a smirk and a strong gaze against your body. His eyes gaze from the bottom of your heeled toes, slow, slow, slow, until it reached the top of your head.

Surely you've only imagined his gaze lingering on certain parts of you that now felt hot and tingly.

Surely.

"Plus," he continues with a hum. A sip of champagne. "Isn't this your idea?"

"Yes, but—"

"Didn't you tell me that I should prepare the kind of outfits that Aemond Targaryen's girlfriend would wear—"

"Yes, but I—"

He leans forward, taking pleasure in arguing with you, as he settles his elbows on his knees, pressing both of his feet flat on the tile. He's looking up, still, but his eyes are intense and the corner of his mouth is twitching from a grin he's trying to fight.

"And even when I told you that didn't matter, that whatever you wore would be fine, you insisted?"

"Because I thought it'd be fun!" you growl and he falls in faint, amused laughter. His eye is sparkling and there's a joy to him that makes you giddy. You truly have missed Aemond as you know him. "Because I wanted a fun dress-up montage, but nothing about this is fun! Why are you choosing so many goddamned zippers, and they're all so fucking tight?"

You plop beside him, stealing his champagne. Staff look away, trying not to ogle too much between you two. As you take sips of his drink, his hand, still over the sofa's arm, begin drawing idle circles on your exposed shoulders. It warms you and calms you down, melting further in the seat beside him.

"I liked the dresses," he finally murmurs. "The ones before this. The flowy fabric ones."

"Those are summer dresses," you say though don't know why.

"Hm," he hums. "You look pretty in them."

You look up at him and he's looking at you, a small smile on his face. The proximity is too near to be proper but not near enough if you're fake dating. You study his silver lashes and the scarred flesh.

"Thanks."

"We'll get them. Is that alright with you?"

You snort softly. "You're paying, Aemy. You can do whatever you want. Can't believe this is how your dates with Alys usually went."

Hatching plans meant unloading information about his former relationship with her. Going through their relationship so you could understand it better, better proportioned the good and the bad, and secretly, make him see the red flags that should jump out in clear, plastic red.

"Not at first." He's looking away now, but his finger is still drawing circles. There's a wistful tone to his voice, like seeing through a dream and a memory. "But when it got... bad, it seemed like the only time we weren't fighting was when we were in public. Almost subconsciously, whenever things got tensed, I'd offer to take us out. Do anything outside of our bubble. Money isn't an issue, and before Alys said she felt like a... cheap whore than a girlfriend, buying things for her, spending time looking through things to wear, to match almost, was safe."

"Gift Giving," you mutter with a nod. He turns.

"What was that?"

"A love language." He cocks his head. You sigh. "I mean it's stupid and not really theoretically accurate, but for fun, there's five types of love languages. People do this test thing and sort of box up the kind of love language you want to receive and what you give— but truly, in my opinion, a true kind of love demands all five for it to work."

He hums, intrigued. "And what are the five?"

"Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch, Acts of Service, Gift Giving. But, you know, all of those should be given by a partner, in increments they can do for you. There shouldn't be a boxed fixture of what your relationship could be."

You shrug, standing up and stretching. You don't see him looking at you in the way that he has been for the past few days, and he doesn't know the tingles and feelings you keep between a smile and a sigh.

"Love looks different for everyone but it should have the same concept."

"And what concept is that?"

You turn to him, smiling. "That if you truly love someone, you can try anything. Love doesn't demand things that you do for the simple reason that you love the person enough."

"Love can be complicated," he says, and he's not arguing, not really. He isn't begging for you to understand. He is simply saying.

"Love can," you agree. "As most things are complicated. But it doesn't have to hurt."

It's a boundary line, the way he blinks, remembering why you're here together, why he gets to touch you in intimate ways, why he gets to pay for clothes, why you spend this time with him. A jolt. A shock.

You don't press and he doesn't retreat. The line exists not just to remind, but to stabilise any projections. Any dangerous tones.

You simply smile, nodding at the time. "Dinner date, babycakes. We can't be late for reservations."

"We can be late for a few minutes," he says, remembering echoes of how Alys sometimes got late. It isn't really her fault; there are days when she's too busy at the law firm, too busy with a meeting or two, or still finishing up her makeup because she doesn't like going to dinner in her work clothes.

"Sure, but we're here together and I know how much you hate being late." You snort.

"I don't hate it."

"Sure, but you got that eye twitch you do when you're annoyed," you tease, tapping your own eye before you wink at him and skip away.

For the past few days since the bar incident, by your suggestion, you and Aemond had pour out the intricacies of how Aemond and Alys' relationship worked whilst hiding your true intention of making him see its faults and corners, and at the same time, continue on with the charade of dating him.

It's been a packed week or so, going to your shifts at the bar, meeting with Cregan once and a while (boy had been busy, and he found the entire thing with Aemond incredibly hilarious).

You answered no question mark in regards on who the hand was, only sent a winky face or a kiss blowing emoji. You continue to post minute representations of your no-longer-single status in brief intervals, making sure that you never name him. You never publicly give him a recognisable body.

But for those that knew, knew.

It really wasn't that hard. There were only so much pale, toned hands, so much body builds you can hide with your hand covering his general face that you can hide without people making smart guesses. There wasn't a lot of pale, toned people around you after all.

But in your refusal to name him, the question continues, and so does Alys silent observation of every post. The only story she had liked had been the very first one.

You often wonder what she thinks, before your mind is devoured once again with everything else.

To be fair, as often as you had both been seeing each other lately— and it has been the most often you have been seeing of him — there were still things outside of Aemond and Helaena plans. And Aemond still had UNI to focus on.

"You know, I often forget you're still in university," you say now, comfortably warm in Aemond's car. All fresh leather seat and crisp new car smell despite knowing that Aemond's had this unit now for at least a year. He maybe rich, but he knew what he liked and took care of them.

He shoots you a quizzical look before looking back at the road. The city is bathed in a gorgeous stream of oranges and pinks, tie-dying glass buildings and bustle of city roads. When you look at him, you smile softly at how pretty the light hits him.

"Why is that? Do I look that young?"

"Your vibe is so old man on a nine to three, cigar breaks by four, and whiskey sours by seven pm."

He makes a disgruntled sound at the back of his throat. You laugh. "I would like to think it's my altruistic classicism. A timeless endeavour."

"Sure, old man," you tease then sigh. "Reality is, I'm so much older than you. I'm hanging out with a child. On my free day. Is this what it means to reach low status?"

"I am not a child." His reply is sharp, cutting, almost offended.

"You're in college."

"And of legal age? You're only four years older."

"Oh, right."

"What?"

You smirk at his dark look. "You like 'em way older."

His face, much like his gaze, heats up. You're imaging it when the ride turns red, the car slows to a stop, and he is looking at your lips. Surely it was, because you got transfixed with the way his tongue darts out to wet his lips. A slow, tantalising movement.

It feels like an eternity stretched within three seconds. The light turns green and both of you turn away.

Well, there's been that. A few times. But it doesn't mean anything. Aemond is in that transition of trying to rid himself of bad habits, of being freshly single once again, and you know he and Alys get in on frequently. This had been a conversation a few days back, on a couch, smell of grease and pizza around the room while Murder She Wrote played in the background.

"Wait, wait, wait." You sat up, folding your legs underneath your butt, and giving Aemond your full attention with a little 'o' in your mouth.

"Wait!" Helaena calls playfully from her sway to the bathroom. "Imma pee!"

"Take care, my beloved!" you call back, before turning to Aemond with a big, Cheshire grin.

"Can we not dwell on it?" He's flustered but is trying not to show it, looking back to the TV as if he understood why there's a body on the plane.

But wine has been had, spilled and shared, and it's enough for you to grab that fluster and the topic, and smirked.

"No, no, we will talk about it. We shall! We must! Do you mean to tell me that by the end of it, most of the time, you two were just boning? Is Aemy, one of my favourite people in the world, a Valyrian Sex God?? Oh my god??"

"I am not a Valyrian Sex God."

"Okay, girly pop, please." You raised a hand in a 'talk to the hand' motion and he was smiling at you, entranced and frustrated. "Women talk, Aemy!"

There was a flush and Helaena came back. Wine did things to Helaena, and she was stumbling and giggling as she flopped behind you, turning around and encasing you in a koala hug.

"Women talk, baby bro." Helaena nodded sagely. "Even I try not to listen, they talk, alas."

"And Alys has said those hips—" You pointed a j'accuse finger at his hips, then his mouth. "—and that tongue has done things that can make the Maiden blush."

Helaena groaned behind you're back, a slew of 'ew's escaping her mouth. And you were still being playful, teasing, but Aemond was looking at you, though scarlet, with a deepened expression.

And at that moment, both of you were thinking the same thing.

His chin brushing your thighs, your sighs like music to his ears, and his tongue making you scream.

Warmth pooled, twin expressions share a gaze. Hunger, desire, shame.

The connection was destroyed when Helaena abruptly jolted and fell down the carpet. Because she was holding onto you, you got pulled with her.

"Are you okay??" Aemond asked.

Hel gasped. "I thought I saw Bobby. I think I squished Bobby."

You shook your head. "You didn't. Bobby is spry. Bobby knows to move away."

Aemond's confused face peered down at both of you. "Who's Bobby?"

"The local spider that lives here."

"Of course." And he smiled.

You smiled back.

Helaena giggled beside you but when you ask her, she only shook her head.

And the silence that lulls in the car is like both of you reaching the very same memory and having to sit through the stifle of that drunken interaction about his sex life. He coughs, you let out a breathy giggle.

"I should admit something," he says, parking the car in front of the restaurant. Dusk is settling, sunset in bright red and orange turning to a cool blue and pretty lavender— and when you turn to him after getting out of the car, coddling your jacket close to your body, he looks nervy. Apologetic, almost.

"What? What'd you do?"

He bites his bottom lip. "I know something about this restaurant."

"I would assume. You chose it." Your eyes narrow, giving the black-out floor to ceiling windows a look. The Painted Table is lit up in a scrawled font on top of it.

You step inside, not bothering to turn to his call of your name, and is submerged by the restaurant's vibe. It's a darkened place with meaningful lighting but a casual air, a bar on the side, and an upbeat jazzy music dancing in the air — it looks good. The place smelled delicious.

Nothing about it sparked familiarity to you, but the anticipation from that look of guilt on his face brought you to a high-strung, so when he calls your name again, just behind you, you turn.

"Is this where you had your first date with Alys?"

He shakes his head. "No. No, but—"

"Aemond?"

The voice is familiar, and you don't stop enough to think before you're turning to the low, clear voice that's just a hint of husky, and Alys' green eyes go wide at your appearance.

She's dressed nice, dressed to go out in a black dress dipping low and fabric tangled around her body to show off her curves. Her inky hair was swept to one side and her mouth was bloodred.

Alys Rivers, owner of Aemond's firsts. The woman he seemingly can't let go off.

You smile. It feels fake. "Oh. Hi Alys."

Her shock staves off into a genuine smile that makes you guilty. "Hi, my love. I see you two are together. Always attached at the hip. Dinner?"

Before you nod— or maybe strangle Aemond — he comes forward, taking your hand in the process and lacing it. He's looking at her as if he's setting a challenge when Alys' eyes fall on your intertwined hands.

"Yes," he says. "We are."

"Well... that's good. This place is great. I—" Someone calls her name, she turns back. You shoot Aemond a withering glare you hope conveys how much you're going to beat his ass after this. She turns back, smiling still. There's a pinch between her eyes but it's gone by the third blink. "Well, I have to go. I'll see you both soon, okay?" She turns to you, stepping forward, not minding the Targaryen beside you. "Especially you. We haven't hung out in a while."

"That's true, I've missed you, you crazy witch." And she laughs and you smile, because you genuinely consider Alys to be one of your friends. Not maybe as deeply as Helaena's, or as close, but Alys was an amazing person and you enjoy her company.

Plus, right now the one you're angry about it solely the man holding your hand.

Alys turns to Aemond, and he stiffens. Between them is a complicated look. So many things unsaid, before her smirk softens. "It's nice to see you too, Aemond."

And she turns away, walking back to her table, to her date, when you tug him with you to the bar. As you order a dry martini, he speaks. Calm and soft.

"You're mad at me."

"You knew she was going to be here." You turn to him, arching an eyebrow, hating the way your chest pangs. "You stalked her and brought us here because you wanted to use me."

He shifts, face crumples at the word 'use' and calls your name in a plead. "It's not like that."

You snort, taking a sip of your drink when it arrives. "Don't lie."

"Okay. Yes, I did. I... I made an impulsive decision because I wanted to see how she could go on a date as if we were nothing." Bitterness cripples his words, the smirk on his lips is ironic and darkened in hurt. Your heart hurts for him, but you can't give him a pass just like that. He hurt you too.

"You could've told me."

He raises an eyebrow. "You would be okay with this?"

Your own smile is ironic and darkened by hurt. "You're already using me, Aemy. That was the deal I agreed, for Hel. It would at least lick the wound to have been in the know, and not, you know, got shot in the face with it."

At the first part of your tirade, he looked like he wanted to argue with the using part, but the realisation weighs him because it is true. To him, he is using you. And it's a cheap shot on your part because you were also doing this for him, out of your own free will.

You sigh when he turns away, guilt dipping low.

"You're such a dumbass."

He hums in agreement.

You're aware of a gaze from the tables, somewhere in the ocean of jazz music and chatter, Alys is looking, and you kinda wanna make this good for him. You were already here after all.

Your hand reaches his jaw, sliding across his neck until you reach his nape and fingers tangle with the baby hairs there. His hair had been wrapped into a bun. Sleek and fluffy.

He turns to you, to your touch, in shock. "What are you—"

"Try not to look so surprised," you whisper, stepping close to him until your noses are bumping. "We're supposed to be dating."

And then you slant your mouth against his.

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saintslewis · 5 months

Text

❝ 𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐊 𝐌𝐘 𝐒𝐎𝐔𝐋 ❞

𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐀𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄: 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒 - 𝐋𝐇𝟒𝟒

pairing: sir lewis hamilton x fem!oc

summary: truly, nothing can break Nadia’s soul.

warnings: cussing, outfit descriptions, slight angst, typos, it’s a long one 😭 click on the links, i’m watching you 🤨

wc: 6.4k

saint’s team radio 🎀: don’t beat me up y’all! this took more than forever and i am really sorry. hopefully this chapter brings you guys joy 🤭 thank you so much for all the love on renaissance so far! 🥹 i also want y’all to know that Nadia is a thick babe, when she wears shorts or mini skirts/dresses, it’s mini!!! just wanted to remind y’all!!!!

pls like, comment and reblog! 🫶🏽

renaissance: the series masterlist • general masterlist

The thin white thread from the duvet cover couldn't be any longer as Nadia continued to pull on it, clicking her nails together in the process. Her buzzing phone sat on the bed in front of her with the voice of her mother pressing her about the past week.

"I'm sure it wasn't easy being the trophy wife this weekend, people were going crazy this side." Her mother chuckled from the other end.

"Ma, you haven't spoken to me since I signed on that dotted line, you haven't checked up on me yet this is what you have to say to me after nearly 3 weeks without contact?" Nadia said with a strain in her voice.

"Oh come on. I was just giving you time to adjust to that fame you've always wanted and for the love of all that is good, cover up more. Do not need to see more than what I've already seen." Thembi said, not understanding how much she was hurting her daughter.

Quietly wiping her tears with her wrist, she thought back to how much peace she had before she called her mother.

The journey from South Africa to the uk had been a tough one when Nadia was much younger. Although the mother daughter pair had gone through hardships, they were as close as they could be. Residing in South London at the time had been a rollercoaster, from trying to fit in with the other kids to adapting to the new culture around her, it became easier thanks to friends she made along the way.

Within a year and a half of moving countries, Thembi announced to her daughter that they would be moving in with a new man, her 'friend' for the time being all the way in Stevenage. Nadia saw her mother's entire personality change the second the last box was dropped off by the movers, a new demeanour being shown off to the neighbours and a less kind version of her was shown to Nadia.

Conversations were barely there, hugs were rarely given and reassurance was never enough as opposed to the affection she would previously receive from before the move. Wanting to keep the positives on the surface, Nadia decided to distract herself from her feelings and continued to go to school with her old friends even if it meant travelling distances just to get away from her mother.

As Nadia grew older, so did the sudden change of attitude from her mother, finding the need to comment on everything she found wrong with Nadia. In rebellion, the girl would wear whatever would make her happy, get the tattoos she felt she needed and not spending as much time with her mother as she did before. When university opened, she hurried to move out, already planning her life out and visited her home country to find comfort in her family back home, her cousin Rea becoming a younger sister to her.

However after uni, Thembi seeked therapy to better her relationship with her daughter. Happy to go back to the way it was before, their relationship became healthier and happier after years. What changed?

Sighing out, Nadia ignored her mother's harsh words. "When is Rea going to get there? You've cancelled her flight three times already."

"Only next week Thursday. Ooh tell me, has he bought you anything fancy yet?" Anyone could imagine the smug look on her mother's face as she asked the question.

"Bye mom. Greet James." Rolling her eyes, Nadia hung up and gently rubbed her eyes, getting rid of the tears with her knuckles. Texting Rea that she should rather move in with her, she let out a sigh at the thought of her mother's sudden phone call the day after the race.

Walking into the en-suite bathroom, she fixed up her light makeup with music playing from her phone. Lewis had texted her earlier that he would be going on a run, not too sure what Nadia would want to do during the day before their trip to Malibu. She blinked the tears back whilst tilting her head backward to avoid them falling once again.

The cold tiles of the bathroom were cooling off the high temperature of her body, mainly from all the emotions and the overall heat in Miami. All she wanted to do was leave Miami and curl up in her bed - her old bed. The one she would lay on after an incredibly long day of teaching high schoolers. The one that had her plushies that she was gifted by her students. The one where she could be lying in at that very moment but she decided to drive to her mom's house that fateful day.

Deactivating her social media accounts was a no go as instructed by Tia, saying the engagement was good and for her to keep it up, the public unfamiliar with the concept of a WAG speaking to people as if they've been friends for decades. Having not gone too far into the mean and hateful comments, Nadia gets chills just thinking about it. How she's perceived by the world now with her newfound fame. One she did not ask for but she was willing to help her new friend.

That's all he was. A friend. Right?

Not realising she had zoned out and begun picking on her old acne scars, she hadn't heard her hotel room door open, a slightly breathless Lewis stood in the bathroom doorframe watching her pick at her skin whilst looking at a specific tile.

"Nads?" He called out but the girl still hadn't heard anything. Wiggling his neon sneakers on his feet within her vision, she snapped out of it, her eyes widening at the sight of him there. "Oh, hi." She greeted, voice as soft as silk as she looked at the man once then back to the mirror to avoid eye contact. "Everything okay?" He asked, wiping his forehead for any sweat left.

Nadia nodded, packing up her mini makeup bag from the marble counter, jewellery jangling as she zipped it up. "Just woke up a little weird and hungry, that's all. Are you good?" She responded, giving a half smile and she finally maintained eye contact with him.

"Yeah. Yeah, the run was good and ready for the day." He answered, feeling her energy yet just not sure where to put it between sadness or anger. "Still very proud of P2 yesterday, it was insane to see that live." She added, the gold grills matching her jewellery perfectly. Very casually dressed with a tired look in her eyes.

"Nads, are you sure you're good? Have you had breakfast?" He moved to the side as he watched her leave the bathroom with heavy footsteps. "The heat is killing me, not used to such and I was going to wait til the plane for something. Got too nervous to order room service." She slightly chuckled to herself, feeling a slight twist in her stomach.

Not wanting to upset her, he just gave her a look with his eyebrows a little raised and that made her crack. "Oh my days, don't look at me like that. We can go for lunch or something, I don't know." She suggested, looking away from Lewis to avoid looking into his eyes.

"What if I was going to compliment your hair?" He joked and crossed his arms with a slight chuckle.

"Please, I know that look from anywhere. I give it to my kids all the time." Nadia said while rolling her eyes, a soft smile on display. "Now let me change. The room's got stuffy air so we need to take a step outside." She shooed him away as she walked into the bathroom once again and closed the door with a huge smile.

Left standing in awe of her, Lewis shook his head as he headed out of her hotel room to change up for their outing.

The cold granadilla slushy had been freezing up Nadia's hand but she couldn't care less, the heat in Miami unbearable to no end. The pair sat in the back of the Escalade on the way to any mall nearby where Nadia could get some sandals, her feet suffocated by her sneakers.

Tia had advised them to travel by their allocated security cars because the streets of Miami were still buzzing with F1 fans, hungover or sober, hunting around for any f1 drivers that were around.

"Not that it isn't weird, it is, but I have to live with the fact that the women I have dreamed of styling one day know I exist and Pharrell too! Like my colleagues are blowing up my phone like crazy." Nadia emphasised, the slushy swishing around in her hand as she was talking.

Lewis could watch her talk for hours, even more when she was excited about something. He had thought that this weekend would be too much for Nadia with all the attention on her much more than the Grand Prix itself but the way she handled everything from the instagram posts to the multitude of introductions was incredible to watch.

She was graceful but with a spunk to her, expressing her personality to the friend group but not yet to the f1 media, wanting to get a bit more comfortable in that vicinity with Lewis by her side. Already seeing how she could get when someone were to wrong Lewis, the man was certain that they will get through this fake marriage with ease and fun, gaining a friendship within it.

"So what's your biggest goal with being a stylist? I haven't seen your work yet but I feel like it's phenomenal." He asked, smiling once he saw her roll her eyes at him.

"Phenomenal is a stretch but I'm trying to get like Law Roach or even work with a fashion house to be honest. I always wanted a way to show my work but I just never knew how to." She shrugged, taking a sip of the slushy.

"How about you style me for a few events and for a race or two?" He suggested.

"And take Eric's job? Are you crazy?" She stared at him with widened eyes and furrowed eyebrows but all he did was chuckle. "It'll be fun plus Eric knows already, he's more than excited for it." Lewis continued smiling, Nadia stared at him before releasing a sigh.

"When do I start?" She shook her head in disbelief, not believing what just happened. "Friday but the main brief is that we're sitting courtside." And like clockwork, he gave her a smile that she couldn't resist.

"You're just so full of surprises, aren't you? Let me find out there's more events you're hiding from me." Nadia said squinting her eyes at him, his cheeks eventually hurting from smiling at her.

"A magician never tells his tricks."

"Yeah yeah, Hamilton." Nadia replied, shaking her head once more as she got her purse ready, seeing the Miami Fashion District come into her view.

Pulling the bottom of her dress down constantly, she looked around at all the luxury stores that were never ending.

This wasn't the norm for her, she was hoping to see a much cheaper alternative than what was in front of her but she had to remember who she was in that very moment. She felt safe with two security detail walking stealthily behind them, her hands staying at the hem of her sundress.

"Your dress is okay, don't have to worry." Lewis leaned a little closer to her shoulder to whisper, sending back a reassuring smile. All she responded with was to hold his ring-clad hand in sign of appreciation.

Reaching Gucci, Nadia's first thought were those platform sandals she had seen on social media and in that exact moment, her mind went to the comfort she had been wanting since she hadn't packed any open shoes. Pulling him towards the store, everything in that store went quiet.

Sale associates just stopped and stared whilst costumers began whispering and muttering to themselves. Immediately spotting the sandals from afar, they walked slowly towards the shoe section of Gucci, trying to ignore all the eyes on them. From her peripheral vision, she could see someone speed walking towards them, fixing her uniform and her appearance once she reached the couple.

"Hello, welcome to Gucci. I'm Roni and I'll be your sales associate today." The woman introduced herself, looking straight at Lewis as she did.

"Nice to meet you, Roni. I'm Nadia and really we just came for a quick visit, hopefully get a few things whilst we're here." Nadia had on a bright smile as she spoke, the worker's smile fading as she looked at Nadia.

"Of course," Roni said, licking her teeth. "Where would you like to start? Perhaps dresses. It is a hot day in Miami." Looking at Nadia up and down with the slightest hint of disgust shown on her face, the woman continued to smile in her face.

Taken aback by the tone of her voice, Nadia just smiled and averted her gaze back to the shoe section. "It truly is but I have to pass. I'm much more interested in the shoes right now." She said, still holding onto Lewis' arm, who was enjoying every moment of this. "Alright, let me go get some champagne for you guys, racing must be tough in this heat." Roni smiled, turning around to walk in a different direction.

As soon as she was out of earshot, Nadia sighed out as they sat on the large velvet green couch. "Is this the crap i have to deal with? Her eyes said it all." She complained, rolling her eyes and placing her purse down. Following suit, he sat next to her and did not keep a friendly distance between them, relaxing his arm behind her.

"Don't worry about her or anyone else for that matter. People will purposefully piss you off for their enjoyment so let's just have a good time and we'll get ice cream later." He advised, not bothering to look around the shop but had focused all his attention on Nadia.

"Stand on your promise, Hamilton. I don't play about my ice cream." She joked, both chuckling after a beat of silence. Eyeing the store, she saw a few pieces that she knew would look good on Lewis and a few on herself. This one particular top was screaming her name, the Gucci monogram sticking out but it had a level of class to it, already imagining outfits with it on.

"The top is quite nice, I don't know what you could match it with to make it work but it seems cool." Lewis said, staring at the same top, unaware that their heads were tilted the same way. "You think so?" Nadia pondered. "Well you can't not be stylish around me so." He shrugged jokingly, earning another laugh from her. "Okay whatever you say, pookie bear." She patted his knee, watching a completely different sales associate head their way with a tray of champagne.

"Hi, I'm Tracey, my colleague Roni just decided to not help a couple because she didn't like the wife. Crazy I think she's talking about the Hamiltons because they came in here the same time." The new associate rambled off, placing the tray onto the small table next to them.

Finally looking up, Tracey's breath hitched. "Oh shit, that's you guys. Oh god, I'm sorry for my words." The younger girl apologised, eyes widened at the couple who just smiled at her.

"It's okay, lovely to meet you Tracey." Nadia smiled, amused at her actions. "What can I do for you today?" Tracey asked.

After a rather pleasant sales interaction with Tracey voicing how much she loved the both of them as a couple and as individuals, there they stood at the counter waiting for their items to be fully scanned. Lewis was very content with the pieces that Nadia had picked out for him, confident that every single one was going to look tailor made. When it came down to payment, Lewis had no problem in swiping his card as Nadia dug through her purse to find hers.

"Thank you for spending your time with us here at Gucci, Mr and Mrs Hamilton." The lady at the till said, handing the the large green bags that felt so good in Nadia's hands.

"It was really fun and tell Roni we said goodbye." Nadia smiled wickedly as she waved and walked out of the store with Lewis laughing at her words right behind her. "Damn that felt good. Gotta keep it cute and classy until it's not." She smiles as they walk to a different shop.

LOS ANGELES

"I swear, the powder I used for my under eyes is just super cakey." Natalia complained as she walked down the plane stairs onto the asphalt, Nadia following close behind with her carry on bag on her shoulder.

The Californianian air was different from that of Miami, less humid but a little hotter. It was late in the afternoon when the group landed, greeted by a beautiful sunset behind the Los Angeles skyline. After the impromptu shopping session, the plane was already for takeoff so everyone had hurried to be in the air by lunchtime.

Taking the time to catch up with everyone, the group shared laughs and their stories from Miami although it was less than a week that they had spent in the eccentric city. There was a gnawing feeling in the pit of Nadia's stomach, unable to get the guilt of spending Lewis' money as if it was hers. Although he reassured her multiple times that he was more than okay getting her whatever she wanted, she still felt uneasy about it all.

The all too familiar Escalades were parked on the ground, Lewis waiting patiently for Nadia to get down so that they could go to their destination. Seeing her confused face as Natalia, Miles and Daniel waved goodbye to them as everyone went to their respective cars, Lewis then spoke up. "Everyone's going their places, we're going to our house."

Snapping her head to look at him in bewilderment, she almost stopped in her tracks just to recall what he had said. "Another one?!" She whisper yelled, not wanting anyone near them to hear. He nodded with a closed smile as they reached their car with all their luggage inside, all similar to when they landed in Miami.

The morning came quite quick as the rest of the day ended with Nadia yet again exploring a new home, almost screaming when she saw the garage full of cars she only wished she could drive and you can imagine the shock when Lewis told her that in hindsight, they're her cars. In his words, "I don't really like to drive as much so you can use them as freely as you want."

Climbing out of the huge bed of the even larger guest bedroom, Nadia was careful to not wipe her eyes too much because of her extensions. Stretching every limb on her body, she walked towards the bathroom to splash water on her face to fully wake her up. The birds were still chirping from beyond the closed curtains and the sun was shining through the slivers of the curtain, creating a peaceful aura throughout the room.

Her bonnet luckily stayed on through the night, grabbing her glasses from the night stand along with her phone, she walked out of the room with her fluffy slippers on her feet. The trip downstairs was quiet and the aroma of something sweet wafted through the air, making her wonder where Lewis was.

Reaching the last step, she saw something move in the corner of her eye. Rather small, the thing moved towards her with its feet patting against the floor. Looking in its direction, the first thing she saw was the droopy mouth belonging to the short dog and her heart almost stopped, the fear running through her body as she continued to stare at the dog.

"Oh my god, please don't come close." She whispered out loud, hoping the dog would listen. Nadia was frozen in her place and she was too afraid to look anywhere else in case the dog moved towards her. "I see you've met Roscoe. Hope he's been kind." Lewis' voice spoke from behind her, crouching down to pet the dog lovingly. The silence from Nadia was odd, he turned his head to see her frightened state as she didn't move her gaze from Roscoe.

"Nads? Nads? Okay, let's get Roscoe out of here." He called out then whispered to himself, carrying the dog out of the living room then hurrying back to Nadia.

"Well that was my dog, Roscoe. I'm sorry he scared you." With a worried expression on his face, Lewis placed his hands on her arms to snap her out of her frozen state. Finally making eye contact with him through her glass lenses, she spoke up. "I-it's okay. Just have to get used to seeing him." She nodded, wanting to end the awkwardness right there.

"Anyway, good morning. Did you eat yet?" She said, slightly smiling and making her way towards the marble kitchen island, the two plates on top of it were filled with stacks of waffles with a side of fruit next to it. "Uh no, waited for you to wake up so I just took a run in the meantime." He mentioned, following behind her and took his seat across from her.

In that very moment, her heart fluttered at his words. It was so simple yet so sweet of a gesture to do for her. "Thank you for that, Lew. Let's eat up then." She replied, a shy smile on her face as she felt his eyes on her. The two dug in to their breakfast that Lewis had made for them earlier in the morning, wanting the logistics of their relationship.

"So, I need to know how you feel about pda and how much you're willing to show to the public. We have to make this look real." Nadia said, biting down on a slice of apple. "I don't have an issue with it, just as you're comfortable with it." He responded. Just nodding along, she continued to eat the fruit.

"This is just so weird to me. Three weeks ago I would've been in my apartment trying to think how i'm gonna get groceries for the month and now i'm in Los fucking Angeles eating fruit with 5 cars sitting in the garage. It's crazy." She blurted out, everything now properly dawning on her as they sat down in peace.

"Life works in mysterious ways for sure, never thought I would be sitting in my kitchen with my wife on a Wednesday morning." He said, the smallest of chuckles escaping him. "You are very good with your words, sir. A lil too good." She joked, pointing the fork at him.

"What's the plan today? I don't think I can handle anything hectic." She asked, her accent changing when she said 'hectic' . Giving her a cocked eyebrow at the sudden change of accent, Nadia looked smug.

"A little history on me. I moved to the uk at 8 years old and this south african accent stuck with me for a while until I reached high school. By then my mother decided to send me back home with my aunt and cousin to complete high school that side then year 12, I went back for university. The slang and accent never left me along with the 6 languages I know." She explained, almost bursting into laughter after seeing his face morph from curiosity to shock.

"Six?!" He vocalised. "And counting, my kids don't call me Superwoman for nothing." Biting into another piece, she smiled as her phone vibrated multiple times. Looking at the name across the screen, she immediately sighed and got up off her seat and signalled that she would be back.

The school's name flashed across her screen as she walked into the familiar hallway towards the guest bedroom.

"Hello Ms Brown! I hope this doesn't disturb your holiday." Lisa, the headmaster of the school, greeted with such enthusiasm.

"Well, it slightly is but what does that matter. Anything you need? Has the parents evening been postponed?" She scratched her head as she held the phone up to her ear.

"Uh, no. There's something I wanted to discuss with you and I thought it would be great for a one on one. We as the school has noticed you are quite the star these days, bringing much more traction than what you get from school already." Lisa chuckled at the last sentence, seeming to quiet down when she realised Nadia wasn't laughing.

"Oh, yes Ms Crawford. This was a subject I had wanted to discuss with the rest of the staff when we get back from the holidays. Of course this isn't something minuscule, all the media attention has been quite intense." Nadia responded, watching as Roscoe walked closer to her and sat by her feet.

There was a beat of silence from the other end of the phone call. "That was what I wanted to actually talk to you about, Ms Brown-"

"Its Mrs Hamilton." Nadia corrected.

"Ah yes, my apologies Mrs Hamilton. As much as we do appreciate your ways of teaching here at our school, we as the board have been thinking of releasing you from your position as the history teacher. Now I know it's all sudden but we feel it's good for our school." Lisa announced, voice filled with pity.

"Now excuse my manners, Ms Crawford, but I would like to know who all decided to quote on quote, fire me. Furthermore, when signing the work contract, you personally had assured me that you would stand behind your teachers through it all. Am I correct?" She started, standing up straight with Roscoe following suit.

"You are correct however this would ruin the reputation of the school and our relationships with other schools in the district. It truly pains us to do so." With the same false pity tone, Lisa spoke.

"I hope you do realise that we are about to start the second term of the school year after these two weeks and I do not appreciate the current dismissal you are going through with just solely because I married a prominent figure. Neither do I wish to leave my flourishing students because the board does not agree with my marriage." Nadia indicated.

"Not to mention prior to this conversation, no one had contacted me in regards to a possible sacking. So I would like for you and the rest of the board to rethink your approach on this matter. I do not accept this and this issue can be taken to court if you prefer to continue with this. And through a phone call? Really?" With that, Nadia knew she had won upon hearing the sigh on the other side of the phone.

With a few moments passing by, Lisa sighed out. "You are correct about this, I do apologise. See you after the holidays then, Mrs Hamilton." And with that, the headmaster said her goodbyes in defeat.

Crouching down to pet Roscoe, she held his face in her hands. "We fucking did that, boy. Thanks for being there, you not so bad after all." She smiled at the happy dog, standing up straight to back downstairs to finish her breakfast.

"And? What was that?" Lewis spoke up, putting his phone down next to his fruit bowl.

"These bitches tried to fire me so I said no. Can't get rid of their only history teacher." She wiggled her shoulders with the biggest smile on her face, biting down on the remaining fruits.

"And your dog's cool. Sat with me the whole time."

"Damn. Remind me to never get on your bad side. Let's get celebratory croissants?" Lewis giggled, taking both of their plates to wash them off.

"You read my mind, Sir!"

Standing in front of the open garage door, Nadia stared at the two cars in front of her. The sun in the courtyard was hitting her back but she didn't mind, as long as she continued to look at the cars.

Lewis' words rang in her head, unable to shake off the fact that technically, these were her cars as well. The Urus was very tempting to drive but she knew she didn't trust herself with that type of speed yet. The Mercedes GLE however, looked so classy and seemed like a joy to drive.

The decision took so long that she didn't notice that Lewis was taking pictures of the scene in front of him, his wife stuck between choosing cars to drive on the sunny streets of LA. "Can I drive today?" She asked once realising that he was next to her, wearing a comfortable outfit.

"You can drive whenever you want." He smiled, handing her the keys of the suv he knew she was going to pick. "Okay, cute. You'll be my passenger prince." She smiled, pinching his cheek then happily walked towards the driver's side.

Just sighing in content, he walked to the passenger's side, hopping in to see Nadia exploring the interior of the car, matching that of the black exterior. "This shit is huge." She muttered to herself as she leaned over to look at the backseats and all its intricate details.

"And before you say anything pookie bear, Tia made me do an international license when we didn't see each other. So you're safe driving with me." She reassured, putting her now blonde hair behind her ears.

"I think i like this passenger prince business." He expressed, already making himself in the seat, pushing it back and relaxing.

"Let me search up a bakery and we'll be on our way." Nadia started the car up and was geeked by the roar of the car.

And on their way they were. Blasting Beyoncé as Lewis suggested they go to a vegan bakery in Malibu, the two sang both old and new songs during the drive. Barely through her hip hop playlist, she found parking in front of the surprisingly popular bakery.

"Now you know I don't play about Beyoncé. I did not expect this place to be busy right now." Nadia pointed out, fixing the sunglasses on her head. "You'd be shocked at the amount of vegan people in Malibu alone. If you want, I can go in by myself and get the treats." He offered, unbuckling his seatbelt and holding his phone in his hand.

"We're going in together, I do not look this cute to sit in the car." She flipped her hair, dramatically exiting the car, making him laugh quite loud at her antics. Holding his hand out, Lewis connected his with Nadia's, feeling a chill when he felt her ring touch his skin. He led the way into the bakery, the sweet smell of the treats was a bit of a treat in itself.

Gasping at the baked goods on display, she didn't hesitate to greet and place an order, mouth salivating at the sight of the treats. Once Lewis also made his order, Nadia brought out her card to pay, wanting to test that it actually worked and it definitely did.

Enjoying the chocolate doughnuts in the bakery, the two laughed at the whole ordeal of the phone call this morning. "I've never had a good relationship with this new headmaster at all. She has been on my case since she joined two years ago." Nadia informed, drinking a bit of her pink lemonade.

"The courage of just saying no is so endearing to hear. Can't believe she wanted to sack you in the middle of a term. Again, the courage is so cool, Nads." He complimented her and he watched as her shoulders started to rise as a way of blushing.

"Thanks, pookie bear. Means a lot. So where to from here?" She asked, ignoring his gaze on her the whole time.

"We've got lunch with friends of mine, then home time." He said so calmly, not noticing Nadia's eyes widening at the information.

"I'm not dressed for lunch with your friends, Lew! Could've warned a girl first." She stressed, looking down at her outfit. "Wanted you to be comfortable the whole day hence I didn't tell you our plans today." He showed his full smile, wanting so badly to laugh at her facial expression.

"You are so lucky you're sitting across me right now or else I would've bitten you." She rolled her eyes at his giggles.

Within a matter of time, the Mercedes suv entered through the high black gates of their destination with a press of a button on the intercom outside. Nadia drove in the driveway quite slowly, unfamiliar with her surroundings as she saw a cars parked in the courtyard. The sound of the waves crashing could be heard when stepping out of the car.

"Damn your friend's got bank." She commented, opening the backseat door to get her purse. "And by the sea too? I just know it's a different world here." She added, closing her door and locked the car when she saw Lewis walk closer to her with a smirk on his face.

"Yeah, Bey and Jay wanted serenity next to the sea." He said, looking back at Nadia who was frozen in her tracks.

"Did you just fucking say Bey and Jay?!" She whisper yelled as she pulled Lewis closer to her. He nodded with the same expression he had from before. "Are you fucking crazy? I can't meet Beyoncé, Lewis! I'm not ready!" Nadia's stress levels were sky high as she held onto his arm tighter, standing by the car.

"Wanted to tell you earlier but when you started playing her music in the car, just knew I had to surprise you." He smiled. "Look, if it makes it any better, she's excited to meet you as well." Lewis told her and if her eyes couldn't get any wider, she looked behind her husband's broad arm to see the woman of the hour walk towards them.

"There you two are! We were scared y'all weren't coming no more!" The happy southern voice rang through the courtyard and Nadia was scared shitless. "My goodness, Lewis! She's a beauty. Hi, I'm Beyoncé." The woman introduced herself to Nadia and she quickly snapped out of it once she realised her favourite artist was speaking directly to her.

"Hello, I'm Nadia." She managed to speak up as Beyoncé extended her hand out to shake hers. Surprisingly enough, Nadia's hands weren't sweaty neither did she stutter over her words like she thought she would. The woman went on to greet Lewis with a side hug then invited them inside.

"It was so lovely meeting you guys, a full circle moment on my end." Nadia smiled, holding onto her purse and onto Rumi's hand, the little girl so interested in everything that has to do with Nadia. "No, it was our pleasure to host you guys. My God, a couple I never saw coming. Y'all welcome back here anytime." Beyoncé said, the group of 4 walking towards the front door and into the courtyard once again.

"We'll definitely take you up on that offer, thank you for inviting us into your lovely home. Better get home before it gets too dark." Nadia replied, leaning into the hug between her and Bey whilst looking at the sunset over the horizon.

"We'll catch y'all in Paris." Jay Z smiled with a toothpick in his mouth. He dapped Lewis up as everyone said their goodbyes after a successful lunch. Now sitting in the passenger seat, Nadia held her head in her hands as he swiftly drove out the long driveway.

"I just met Beyoncé, I don't think you understand the damage you just did." She turned to Lewis, who kept the same smile as before. "And that is?" "I'm never going to stop talking about it."

"I'm glad you're happy. Saw an opportunity and I ran for it." He voiced, patting her thigh before putting his hand back on the steering wheel. "Remind me to give you the biggest hug when we get home." She smiled, becoming comfortable in the seat, not knowing how much Lewis' heart raced after hearing her refer to the house as home.

FRIDAY

"Stay still! I need my vision to come to life." Nadia ordered, holding his face in her hands. There were two different earrings on his ears and she was trying to decide which better suited the outfit. "Okay, wear the first pair then go to the mirror and tell me what you think." She requested, standing back to let him look at his outfit.

"Oh this is really good. Ooh, this outfit is good." He admired his outfit in the mirror, impressed by her styling and how she kept it simple yet so him.

"Glad you love it. Let me go get changed so that we won't be late." She rushed, almost running out of his room to hers, luckily her hair and makeup was done. Nadia quickly put on her outfit and made sure to take pictures in the big mirror in the closet.

Soothing over her top, she then places her sunglasses on her head and spritz her perfume for the last time before stepping out the room. At the same time, Lewis stepped out of his room and glanced at her outfit before doing a double take.

Everything sat so perfectly, the outfit had really simple colours that weren’t too loud but her silhouette accentuated it all. Both outfits complimented each other greatly whilst showing their own style individually. “Wow.” He blurted out, hoping that she didn’t hear that.

“Damn I did good.” She muttered to herself as she looked at him as well, very proud of her styling.

“You ready to go?” Lewis asked, finally focusing on her face and fidgeting with his rings. “Yeah, yeah.” She said in a light voice, carefully walking towards the stairs then feeling his hand slip into hers to help her downstairs.

“Remember, this isn’t real,Nadia.”

“Remember, this isn’t real, Lewis.”

nadiahamilton • 15 min ago “great day to be a lakers fan”

dividers by: @cafekitsune

nadia’s faceclaim: @/unclewaffles on ig!

all pictures are from ig and pinterest!

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#saint writes #lewis hamilton x oc #lewis hamilton fanfics #lewis hamilton imagine #lewis hamilton x black reader #lewis hamilton fanfic #lewis hamilton fic #f1 x oc #f1 x black!reader #f1 fic #renaissance: the series

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yuri-is-online · 2 months

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Hey, remember the soulmate au by tiyoin(?) I recently read your post abt idia and Leona reacting to yuu being their mates, but I wanna take it a step further since I saw idias line abt the family curse (this has yandere implications so if it's not your cup of tea please feel free to just ignore, nothing is outright mentioned tho)

What if yuu has a family curse similar to the aishi family in yandere simulator? (It's been years since I touched the game so if the lore changed I'm basing it off of 2018 ish lore, just with my own twist) basically yes, yuu CAN feel emotions, they're just muted and barely there. Given the right conditions (like falling in love or spending time with friends) and/or antidepressants they'll basically be like any other person, without them it's like a less severe version of the aishi women pre-falling in love

So, afab ppl born in yuus family, once falling in love, start losing their sanities and adopt yandere like behavior (stalking, increasing rage and jealousy, willingness to murder, etc) unfortunately this means they usually die young (20s or 30s) how quickly/young they die is based on their willpower (resisting the urges) and when/if they fall in love (so someone falling in love for the first time in their 40s and having insane willpower, caving in 20 years later in their 60s has more luck than a 16 year old falling in love and caving in almost immediately). Unfortunately everyone is a carrier, men carry the gene and can pass it to their daughters, but it only presents in the women/afab ppl, so transfems won't be affected but transmascs will.

What if yuu fell in love already (in their own world) and has just been doing a really REALLY good job at Resisting The Urges™️. Like, sometimes they slip up and cave in to anger or get ridiculously jealous, but they try their hardest to tamp down the feelings. Yuu has sworn off falling in love (again) and has given up their dream of having a big family bc of the curse, they're even distancing themselves from their object of affection in an attempt to "be normal again" at the cost of their own sanity.

So yuu gets transported to twst, and without their darling, they have the chance to be normal again, assuming they can get past the initial panic frenzy. Then the soul bond is revealed and they just go "nope. Not this shit again" and spouts cryptic messages about a family curse and swearing off love. I'm pretty sure most of the boys would feel a bit hurt by that lmao

This is mostly made for idia since his segment is what sparked the idea in the first place, but which characters from most to least likely do you think would try to pursue mc and figure out the truth to leave them alone and try to move on? I personally can't see someone like kalim giving up on both but I think the octatrio would try to look for the truth but be 50/50 on pursuing yuu or dropping them like a hot potato. Idia I think would try to relate to yuu and try to pursue them, but I think he'd probably be a bit put off once yuu starts dropping hints about the curse (he's a weeb so it won't take long for him and maybe Ortho to put 2+2 together and figure out the curse)

tiyon's soulmate au can be found here, their first post inspired some asks, which led to my own soulbound au the rules of which can be found here. Please support tiyon and interact with their soulmate au! They're a very creative blog and deserve the attention~ give them some reblogs!

so. uh. I got this ask when I first woke up and 1) very happy to hear from you Rose, always lovely to get a new ask and 2) yandere? sim? has lore? I did not think people actually played the game? help. i've fallen and misplaced my life alert. As a rule I don't really write for a Yuu who is just x character from y game/anime (it is in my rules) so while I was at work realizing I might be old I was trying to think of a way to do this that wasn't just yan sim (I wanted something properly gn) and I think I've got something? I am currently beating away the desire to info dump on you about the myth of Sigurd and Brunhilde (i could scream about that for hours oh god oh please i have written an actual au for that but efkjbekjrgbjrthnytrh) So here is the basic idea:

Yuu ran afoul of a witch in their world and was appropriately cursed. Given the myth I was inspired by I don't think Yuu did anything bad, but they still made the witch mad so they got cursed to lose all reason should they ever fall in love.

"You will be thine own destruction!" Cackles the witch and Yuu, who is actually normal unlike trey this person takes a deep breath and resigns themselves to researching a way to minimize the effects and maybe break it? They don't know they thought magic was fake until they thought they were just doing a favor for someone but turns out they pissed off Baba fucking Yaga.

They start to isolate themselves since they notice the curse starting to eat at them when they are around anyone the love; they consider going back to the witch and asking for further clarification but they can't seem to find them anywhere so they take some deep breaths and do their best to just be normal.

When they end up in Twisted Wonderland, and start feeling... weird. And it only gets worse when Crowley speculates that they might have been brought to Twisted Wonderland because they posses a soulbond.

And Yuu immediately freaks out because they don't want to kill anyone.

Now as for your question for who would try to pursue Yuu vs just leave them... well I don't really like writing un reciprocated feelings so I hesitate to say any of the cast would drop Yuu. In my au it isn't possible for soulbonds to not be reciprocated, and they are already sort of seen as a curse by mages so this... complication might not be normal but it isn't unexpected if that makes sense. Which would probably make Yuu swearing off love hurt even worse.

Kalim wouldn't want to abandon Yuu. Not ever, no matter how much of a danger they could be to him. Hell, he's willing to forgive people who are trying to poison him on the off chance they might regret it. But he is the heir of House Al-Asim, and I could see his dad paying someone to take Yuu out to keep his son safe. Something Jamil sees coming from a mile away and has to just keep quiet about. Something I can see Jamil feeling bad about, he might not like Kalim but you didn't ask for anything that happened to you. And yet the Asim's took your life from you anyway.

Have to disagree about the octatrio just a bit. Floyd would be into this. And so would Jade. But especially Floyd, oh hee hee ha ha his soul mate wants to kill him? Say less he is on his way to get his ass eat beat with an engagement ring in hand. Both he and Jade would be a little disappointed when the curse is broken and you aren't actively trying to kill him anymore... maybe you could try and poison him huh? Like old times?

I wrote 20 paper pages of soulbond au stuff for Azul so I will try to be brief here but... I don't think this situation would be one that made him try to break the bond. He has... complicated feelings about soulbonds already. If anything I could see him thinking he deserves this.

Now Idia. He's complicated. Pre-overblot he has given up on the concept of breaking his own curse, and I could see him feeling the same way about yours. Ortho on the other hand... even before he gets his soul he wants to help. After the overblot I can see Idia pursuing Yuu determined to find the truth and save them. Not that he wouldn't interact with them before that, he's a bit nihilistic so I can see him just making a bunch of jokes about the situation or promising to let Yuu kill him "after this next round." Or just straight up asking them to when he has to hit pity in one of his gachas. It's just cringe enough that it snaps Yuu out of the curse fog for long enough for the two of them to be normal around each other. And by normal I mean incredibly awkward

Anyway that's all I've got. Thank you for the ask ♡

#<3 asks #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #soulbound au #no clue what to call this version of ayuu uh #tw yandere #yandere twst #bonus idea: there was a magicless version of the twst boy in Yuu's world they had been dating and ended up killing due to the curse before #they realized what the witch meant #so yuu already knows that said boy is their soulmate they've held his heart in their hands before #literally c:

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fluffysucker · 10 months

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5. The ways you say my name.

Bucky Barnes x Reader (AU)

A/N: Written in Third POV. No use of Y/N. However, the reader is referred to as a female.

I didn't specify anything about the reader's work/job, so it can fit everybody.

I hope you are enjoying the story so far. I'm so excited for you to read this chapter and the upcoming ones.

Likes, comments, reblogs are VERY VERY highly appreciated. Opinions really matter to me

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

Days passed. And days turned into weeks, and weeks became months. Time moved. However, for you, it was moving so fast and yet so slowly.

Having the kids for five days a week all by yourself turned out to be a bigger challenge than you thought. There was always something that had to be done from the moment they woke up until they went to bed. You wondered how long the day was. It felt like two hours for you at most. Your appreciation for single mothers increases by the day.

Then came the weekends. And the house would be so quiet. No loud cartoons. No mess lying around. No school homework. No one is asking for stuff. No one shouts Mommy every five seconds. Your house was no longer home at the weekends. Time would move painfully slowly. Leaving you to yourself. You always tried to make plans with Natasha or Sharon. It didn't always work, leaving you with yet another downside of the split. Loneliness.

It made it a little easier knowing the kids counted the days until the end of the week so they could spend as much time with their dad as they could. Bucky was by no means an absent father. On weekdays, he would call at least twice a day and sometimes show up at the house to see them. The kids would be so happy.

You started to understand why so many people stayed in their marriage just for the kids. Their big smile alone was worth it.

However, this couldn't be the case for you and Bucky.

True to your words, you were great co-parents. Doing your duties to the fullest. When it came to kids, you and Bucky were doing it right. You were communicating well. Keeping the other updated and aware of anything regarding the kids. You had no problem showing up together for important school events, practices, or other kids' birthday parties. Theo's birthday was three weeks ago. You and Bucky planned it all without a minor inconvenience. And the party was amazing. You even let Bucky stay over that day upon Theo's request. In the guest room.

Because once the kids were not involved, you were strangers. Keeping the conversations light and small. Mainly checking the other's wellbeing.

Bucky was in awe of this. He was fully prepared when he showed up to pick the kids up the weekend following your confrontation to have you so cold and short towards him. And he deserved it.

Except you weren't. You were still the sweet and nice person you always were. Inviting him in and offering a drink. Asking about his plans for the weekend. It was like nothing ever happened.

He understood later. You were going to be the best version of yourself possible for Lily and Theo. They didn't deserve parents who couldn't be civilized. It's already hard enough on the six- and four-year-old's, so he followed in your footsteps. And you're doing great.

But sometimes he could see your act falling. Your eyes showing the truth. You were far from fine. You were still hurting from it all. You were begging for a cure for the pain. But never to him. Not anymore.

Bucky wasn't doing that well either. When he wasn't a father, who was he? He used to be your husband. Now he wasn't. And wasn't that what he wanted? To find out who he was when he wasn't yours.

The infamous fuckboy and successful businessman, but nobody believed he would be a family man. Was that what Bucky wanted? Absolutely not. It didn't sound right anymore.

Then what did he want? Why did he damage his life for uncertainty and unclarity?

This was why you always encouraged him to communicate his feelings and share his fears. Because look what happened when he didn't.

Bucky knew the way like the back of his hand. He used to pick you up so much back then. So much.

As Bucky was about to walk into your usual spot, he found you already leaving.

"Bucky. Hi." It never failed to amaze him how nice you were to him. Even when the kids weren't around.

"Everything is okay?" He shouldn't be surprised. You would only expect him to be here for something.

"Yes. I know the kids are spending the day at Becca's. I was wondering if it would be okay if I picked them up and had them over." Bucky was missing the kids extra this week. Maybe not just them.

"Of course. I have a meeting right now. I'll call you once it's over, and we can meet at the house to pick up their stuff." Bucky couldn't help but smile. Being a successful woman and an amazing mother was something you excelled at. It always filled him with pride and happiness.

Before he could say anything, a voice interrupted both of you.

"Ready to go, dear?" Standing behind you was what could only be described as a god of a man. More than 6'3" tall. Muscles unbelievably massive. Fluffy brown hair. Light blue eyes. Features perfectly sculptured. Along with a very expensive-looking suit complimenting him in all the right places. And a voice matching his vibe. Deep and strong.

To say the man was extremely handsome would barely be enough.

He came to stand behind you, resting his hand on the small of your back.

"Yes. Just a minute." You replied, looking comfortable with his presence and his touch.

"So it should be done by five; we can meet then?" You turned to Bucky to confirm your plan.

However, Bucky was staring at the stranger's hand, sliding to your waist, moving you smoothly and slightly so people passing wouldn't brush into you.

Who the hell was this guy?

He snapped out of it and nodded, ensuring it worked for him.

"I'm sorry, let me introduce you." You spoke

"This is our new business partner, Thor Odinson." A new guy then.

"Thor, this is James. My kids' father."

Bucky could swear he heard his heart break into pieces. Your words cut deeper than all his scars.

It was the first time you didn't introduce him as your husband. Bucky never thought it would hurt so much.

He was your man once. Now he is James.

He has no one else to blame.

Bucky swelled the pit in his chest and acknowledged the man standing with a simple nod, which Thor returned.

"Did you check everything?" You turned to Thor slightly, so now his hand was almost wrapped around your waist.

"Stop worrying, my dear. You will do great." Thor spoke softly to you.

Bucky was never one for self-control. The sight in front of him was pushing the limit. He could feel the heat rushing through his body. He hoped it wasn't clear on his face.

You walked away after promising to call him once you were done. You and Thor started talking, and he immediately noticed the man keeping you on the less busy side of the pavement, furthest away from cars.

Who the hell was this man? Why was he touching you like this? Why was he calling you pet names? Why was he doing everything Bucky was supposed to do? And why were you so comfortable with him?

"I mean. If he is just a business partner. Why so close?"

Bucky has been pacing around nonstop in Rebecca's living room since he arrived at her house.

"So let me get this straight." Rebecca finally spoke, fed up with her brother's tactics.

"You saw your ex-wife, who is single, with a hot man doing nothing more than being friendly." She recapped the story that had been eating him alive.

"You didn't see it." This was the only thing he could say to defend his crazy behavior.

"And she is working with him on the weekend. Why?. Aren't the weekdays enough?" Bucky tried so hard to keep it to himself when he showed up at your house, as you agreed. He almost felt the steam coming out of his ear like a cartoon character when you told him you would be busy this weekend, working on the new deal and working with Thor.

"Bucky.."

"I mean, what if he is a creep?. What if he is a serial killer?"

"Or what if he falls in love with her?" Bucky stopped abruptly in his place, looking at his sister.

"He is spending so much time with her. It won't take him long to see the wonderful person she is. So he will ask her out, and what will stop her from saying yes? Nothing." The vivid scenario Rebecca drew was actually Bucky's nightmare.

"Isn't that what you are really afraid of?" Rebecca looked at her brother with all seriousness.

"You realized she is in the market again. She is fair game. And suddenly, you're mad." Bucky looked like a kid who got caught eating candy after midnight.

"Well, let me tell you, Bucky, you are full of shit." Leave it to Rebecca Barnes to give her brother a piece of her mind.

"That woman isn't your toy. You can't choose to love her one day and leave her the next."

"I don't know what you were expecting, but she deserves to move on. To get back on her feet. And you don't even deserve to be jealous. You chose this." And she wasn't going to sugarcoat it.

"That woman was the best thing to have ever happened to you."

It was time for Bucky to have a reality check.

"Do you have any idea how much people warned her about you? Advised her against dating you? They told her you would only hurt her. That you would leave her once you got bored, like you did with every other woman. But she didn't care and chose you."

"She loved you with all her heart and even more. She stayed loyal and kind to you. And what did you do? You proved them right." Rebecca couldn't hide the disappointment in her voice.

"And when?. After she let her guard down and believed it wasn't going to happen, you, in fact, did change. After she had built a whole life with you. A house. A career. Kids. A family. And you still left. For what? Nobody can know."

"I don't know either."

Rebecca looked at her brother, confused, as he sat down next to her on the couch.

"I don't know what happened. I got in my head. I looked back at what my life was like and what it was like now. I let my mind trick me into thinking this is not me. I only ever changed for her. I only did these things because she wanted them, not because I wanted them. That I never wanted this life. The wife. The kids. The white picket fence It's not me."

Bucky couldn't pinpoint the exact moment it happened, but he could remember the dark thoughts filling his head. Deceiving him into missing the playboy he once was. The man who was praised for his many affairs. The one he thought he should have always been.

"And it didn't stop there. I started thinking she was going to see it all. The truth. My truth. A man questioning his life choices. His family. Our Home. A man she deserves so much better than him. So she was going to hate me." Bucky wasn't an insecure man. However, he was never able to shake the fear of him not being enough for you. Of never being good enough for you.

So, with an assumed longing for an old version of himself, his fears were on overdrive.

"So I returned to my roots. Self-destruction." It was an old habit implemented so deep in him. It stopped gradually and almost disappeared after he met you. But with a mess in his head that he couldn't control, he retrieved to the old coping mechanism.

"I stayed longer at work. I hung out with Steve or Sam more than I should have. I took on any work trip I could. And when I'm at home, I'm either at my office or with the kids. I would call off dates before even planning. Our bedroom became so silent. It doesn't take a genius to see what I was doing." Bucky would never find a strong explanation for his behavior. He was blinded by his doubts. Blinded by what could only be described as a mental crisis.

"And she tried. She tried so hard to know what was happening. She could read me like an open book. She knew my mind was playing games with me. She reached out and beyond to know what game it was this time." A sad smile formed on Bucky's face. He recalled every time you begged him, in so many different ways, to talk to you. You wanted to know what was bothering him. What was driving him away from you.

"I could see it in her eyes. She tried to deny it. To deny what was happening. She didn't want it to be true. She didn't want to believe the game was so cruel this time that she was a victim as well. That I couldn't share my worries. That I really retrieved to my old self. I was shutting down on myself. I was shutting her out." Bucky could remember the look in your eyes when you started to realize what was going on. That you were the cause of this wavering. That he was shutting you down so he could find a way to let you down slowly.

"I saw all her calls for help, and I didn't do anything." This had a whole different meaning now that he knew about your baby. It was a new torment that nobody prepared him for.

"And what could I do? Tell her I'm questioning myself, our family, and our home. Tell her my fear that she always deserved better than me was getting too loud." Bucky couldn't find a way to tell you that the demon on his shoulder was taking over.

"I let myself think that it would be better if I left. If I didn't wake up every day and think this life is not meant for me, I should give up. Admit I can't commit anymore." The perplexity Bucky found himself in was overwhelming. So he gave up. He took the route that seemed the easiest at the time, unknowingly to him, it would lead to distressing cycle of pain and regret.

"I thought I would get back to my old ways. Nights out. Travelling. A different woman every night. A free man." An illusion the evil part of his brain built for him. An illusion he thought he must follow.

"But you still wanted to be part of the kids' lives?" Rebecca couldn't keep the question in for long.

"I thought I could be the fun dad who only sees his kids on weekends and vacations. I would have her carry all the responsibilities. " He wasn't ashamed to tell his sister how low he had fallen. How far his mind betrayed him.

"But I couldn't. I would wake up, think of them, and wait until I could call them. I would count the minutes until I could have them. I want to know everything about them." After ruining everything, his demons failed to make him a bad father.

"It turns out that old me isn't what I want anymore." Bucky finally admitted the truth. The truth is that he let insecurity and a messed-up thought win.

"But that makes it look like..."

"I only couldn't commit to her. That I don't love her."

Because you didn't know he planned to withdraw from the three of you, it appears now that he only left you.

"Truth is.."

"The truth is, I love her more than anything. She owns my heart and soul. She is the reason for everything good that has ever happened to me. Because she used to silence my demons. She was my antidote."

"It kills me that I ended up only hurting her. My sweet girl."

Bucky couldn't keep the tears from falling, so he let them fall on his face. He finally admitted what had been happening inside of him for so long. And he wasn't proud of it.

"Oh, Bucky." Rebecca couldn't find it in herself to watch her brother be so vulnerable.

"I didn't mean to hurt her, I swear." His voice was so small, just like how he felt.

"I really thought it would be better for the both of us if I left. I guess that is why they always say, Let the wife make the decisions." Bucky laughed through the tears. Maybe if he really did open up to you, you would still be his.

"Mistakes happen, Bucky. Some are more expensive than others." Maybe it was the justice of the universe for Bucky to live in regret for the pain he caused you.

"And there is only one thing you can do now." Bucky turned his full attention to Rebecca, needing the advice and the help.

"Move on."

Taglist: @lethallyprotected @almosttoopizza @ragingrainbowshipl @dexter99 @xdarkcreaturex @nash-dara @paarthurnax59 @mishkatelwarriorgoddess @unaxv @missmielyhoran @wintermischief @kandis-mom

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perpetuallypottytraining · 2 months

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(im the anon that said regression is not nsfw)

oh okay i get it kind of :thumbs_up:

do u talk abt potty training stuff on ur main age regression acc too or is it just this one? cuz if u do i might follow idk hehe

okay, I thiiiink these are the same person? Probably? Unclear. I'll answer both here, for clarity.

1 - No, I don't talk about potty training stuff on my main, not anymore. I moved those posts here a couple of years ago. The only content that's there are maybe some reblogs from other regressors.

2 - Okay, first of all, age regressors did NOT come up with those terms, nor do they have exclusive rights to use them. Those terms have been used by people for, like, ever. Parents calling their kids "little ones", family members calling out "littles, come over here!" to refer to any younger members, the obvious origins of "mom" and "dad" and their variants, and "caregivers" being tied to both people who care for babies, children, the elderly, and those with disabilities.

If anything, age players have more rights to the terms "littles" and "caregiver" in the context that we're using on this site. They're the ones who originated/popularized them. I know this because I was here, on this site, in 2016, when age regressors decided to split off from the sfw age play community, and there was legitimately tons of discourse about who had the "right" to those terms.

(who here remembers the chire and the other handful of communities that attempted to exclude anyone who liked the parental nicknames and the usage of the word "little" in their regression? I do. god, do I remember. this is the main reason that a lot of old regression blogs specify that they're "community free regression")

Second, I... don't? Tag anything here as ageplay? Everything here is just tagged with omo tags, then with assorted organizational tags - there is nothing here tagged with agere or ageplay - just posts that use the very vague term of "little" and the other term of "caregiver" within the post itself.

(which, I just feel the need to repeat, is a word that even normies use!! my own parents, aunts, and uncles call me and my cousins littles!!! Outside of that, "Littles" is a shared community term!! Littles and Caregivers, as we use them, originated from Dominant Daddy/Mommy and Little Boy/Little Girl - it's the gender neutral version!! Cg/L! Regressors are the ones who decided to keep it!! Because it's vague!! That's intentional!!)

But, yeah, you're allowed to feel your feelings, and, honestly, the fact that you're uncomfortable with the "playing grown-up" tag is something that I anticipated when I made that tag - that it might make people uncomfortable! But, I've been working on making my own boundaries and enforcing them, while not immediately catering to make other people comfortable at the detriment of my own comfort/space.

This is my blog. People didn't like when I put non-sexual omo on my agere blog because it helped me regress. That's okay, and even I became uncomfortable with it after a while, so! I made this blog! It's not my agere blog. It's my soft omo blog. It's nsfw and for adults only. And, only just recently, I decided to take advantage of those two facts and put some other nsfw posts here. I do not want to make yet another sideblog for the handful of "icky" posts I'd like to reblog, especially when this blog is already here.

A nice thing about Tumblr is that tags are now blockable, so if, for some reason, you wanted to follow me still, you'd still be able too view all my other posts while excluding that specific tag. Or you can block me, if you wanted to - you curate your own online experience, and I'll hold no ill will towards you for making sure that you're comfortable and safe.

As for saying thats someone can't be both an age regressor and an age player? Literally what are you talking out????? Huh???? Do you think that adults can't age regress and slip into the mindset of a child while also being capable of, while in adult headspace, in a consensual relationship, roleplay as a child for sexual gratification??? Those are two different things!!! Ageplay is roleplay, and as such, one is capable of adult things! Agere is someone slipping into the headspace of a child!! Healthy communication with one's partner makes it clear what's okay in one headspace and what's okay in the other!!!

I'm not even an ageplayer and even I know that it's possible to do both 😭😭😭 and I just read fanfiction and people's actual blogs!!

As for your sign off, um. Okay? I don't even interact with a.geredips posts and blogs.... even if they're very relevant to me and my regression! Not even with my main!! (I'm also very shy and timid and a bit scared to interact) And, on my main, if people who follow me start breaking people's DNI, I literally softblock or block them - if they can't follow people's boundaries, then they can't interact! I'm just one blog, and I doubt that if anyone wanted to demonize age regressors, they need any help from me - people who deliberately mistag are probably more than enough tbh.

Ageplay and age regression, like it or not, was cut from the same cloth - a cloth made out of a gradient from black to white, with shades of grey all in between. Like a baby blanket! Black/ageplay and ABDL on one side, white/agere on the other, with you and me and my friends and mutuals somewhere in the middle, all spread out across!

Plenty of adults don't think anyone should return to the comfort of childhood things, and look at the whole blanket with scorn and disgust. Cutting off more and more of the blanket, because you think that my grey isn't as palatable as your grey, is not going to change these people's minds. Both of us live in the grey zone, and I personally think that by accepting more of the grey, our baby blanket will be strong enough to handle anything - even and especially people who think our blanket should be torn to shreds.

#im not even an ageplayer.........#i just thought that those posts were Really well written!#ah well.#asks #long post

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adarkrainbow · 8 days

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As I have been reblogging and looking back at Sleeping Beauty stuff around the Internet, I realized the thing that is bothering me a bit... When it comes to the you know "original" format of Sleeping Beauty.

Everywhere on the Internet you have these posts and videos and whatnot about "The dark truth behind Sleeping Beauty" or "The Horrifying Origins of Sleeping Beauty!", and they all refer to the fact that in the "original" version of the tale, she got raped in her sleep. This is the "dark fact" everybody LOVES to spread around and talk about. Except... Except the version they refer to is Basile's "Sun, Moon and Thalia".

Why does that matter? I'll explain.

Everybody depicts "Sun, Moon and Thalia" as this sort of dark, horrifying tale of a grim and gruesome crime. They will have in their video a dark background, and creepy illustrations, and they will take an ominous horror movie voice and whatnot.

But there's a big problem with that. Basile's stories were all except serious. They were humoristic tales. Or more precisely, they were farcical stories. Farces. There's a reason its "twin compilation", Straparola's fairytale collection, is called "Facetious Nights". So the very idea of presenting these stories as if they were meant to be taken seriously is completely misreading the story's tone. Yes there was a rape - but if you extract this from the entire context and storytelling, you make this tale sound like something it is absolutely not.

"Sun, Moon and Thalia" is not meant to be a horror story. It was not meant to be read as "serious" story. It has nothing to do with either the Grimm or Perrault fairytales. The entirety of the "Pentamerone" is basically a folk-sex comedy. If such a thing can exist.

Every fairytale of the Pentamerone is opened by a small recap of the story announcing what it will be about - and already from the get-go the very two lines opening this recap give the humoristic nature of the tale away. "Thalia dies because of a splinter". I mean come on - the joke is obvious. A girl gets a splinter, she dies. And if this wasn't enough the rest of the sentence can be translated as following: "she is left in a room where the son of the king penetrates and makes her two children". The choice of the word "penetrate" is to highlight the pun in the original line where the prince entering Thalia's bedroom and the prince entering Thalia's body is resumed in one same verb.

For more breakdown of the jokes of the story, see below the cut:

As I said before from the get-go the "curse" is treated as a joke. You have this king that summons scholars to make his daughter's horoscope, right? And what does it say. "She is in great danger... BECAUSE OF A SPLINTER!". This is literaly the killer rabbit of the Monty Pythons.

In this story, what does the little old woman that offered the princess the spindle does, once the princess falls dead? (Because she is dead in this version, a magical death, but dead still). Does she warns everybody and cries for help as in Perrault's version? No! "She was quick to find back the stairs [from which she came in]" and she runs as fast away as she can without warning everybody, because she's not going to get into trouble because of some random girl that wanted to see how to spin.

The whole arrival of the prince is very, VERY unprincely and part of the joke. (Well it is a king here but I'm going to call him "prince" so as to not lose people). So he is hunting, right, and his hunting falcon enters the countryside building in which the king locked up his daughter's corpse. The prince wants to get back his bird, so he knocks - because he believes the house is inhabited. And since nobody answers and he REALLY wants his bird back, he fetches a ladder and is forced to climb up a window like a vulgar thief. And he is royalty, remember.

What is the prince's first interaction with the dead Thalia? Believing she is asleep, he starts talking to her. And since she doesn't answer he kind of shakes her around in trying to wake her up. And then suddenly, realizing she kind of looks good (an that she is visibly not alive anymore), he "does his little business" and promptly puts her back where he found her and leaves. Because he is, like most men in the Pentamerone a stupid horny dog without much morals that has the most sudden and bizarre bursts of sexual desire. Cause again the Pentamerone is a sex comedy.

In fact, in the story of "Sun, Moon and Thalia", the prince is MEANT to come off as quite stupid. He is stupid. First off he didn't get that Thalia was dead when he saw her. Then, as soon as he leaves the funeral-house, it is said he "forgot all about this adventure". Like literaly, he forgets all about it - and only suddenly remembers it randomly when Thalia wakes up. (The narration itself highlights the randomness of the events - the fact the prince remembers Thalia is random and for no reason, and in the same way there are two fairies that randomly appear out of nowhere to take care of the two babies and we are never explained anything about them - they even frighten poor awakened Thalia because she doesn't know who brings her magically food every day). When he sees back Thalia, he is all joyful and happy and he is like "Let's start a family! I'm a dad, woohoo!" ; and then the narration drops the bomb that nothing had foreshadowed: "Now, his wife was waiting for him back at the palace." The randomness of dropping the fact he has a wife is meant to be the joke, since we were led to believe he was a bachelor. But given the prince's tendency to forgetfulness it is very likely that he simply forgot he had a wife.

More of the prince's obvious stupidity and air-headedness. On one side how he betrays Thalia and her children's names to his wife - because he just can't stop repeating and singing their names out loud, day and night, even when eating or sleeping, due to how silly-happy he is. On the other, the reason why he is absent while his wife tortures Thalia: he got angry at a comment of hers, and because he was furious, he literaly had to go to ANOTHER LAND just to vent his anger. Literaly, he leaves his palace and moves to another of his domain just because he got pissy. And why did he get pissy? Because his wife kept ironically singing to him "Eat, because what you eat belongs to you" when she served him his "children" - and the stupid prince, unable to understand what she meant, literaly answers "Of course it belongs to me: I'm the bread-winner of the family, while you're doing nothing and bringing nothing to the house". [Which by the way, highlights the fact that in this couple, the wife is depicted as profiting off the king's wealth and power].

Speaking of the dinner around the fake "children": this meal is another sex joke. Because the two of them, the wife and husband, are "panting with desire" around the dishes, and keep singing stuff like "Oh that's good, oh that's good!" and "Come on, eat, come on eat!" making it all an erotic scene. A ridiculous, grotesque, perverse erotic scene around what one character believes to be a cannibalistic meal, while the other just very loudly appreciates good meat.

When the queen tries to have Thalia killed, Thalia tries to defend herself by the fact she didn't know of the queen's existence, and that any sexual thing that happened between her and the prince was in her sleep - which the queen of course does not believe because of how ridiculous it all seems. I mean you catch who you believe is your husband's lasting extra-marital mistress and what is her excuse? "Oh no you see, he made me my kids when I was asleep. Well kind of dead. I didn't know. No he did not wake me up. I didn't wake up either when the kids were born. I'm a really deep sleeper. And it was because of a splinter you see..." Literaly, imagine yourself in the place of the jealous queen hearing all that.

Thalia gains time on her execution by asking the permission to remove her clothes, and the queen accepts, but as a joke she accepts out of greed because she literaly wants to take back Thalia's dress and jewels for herself. And each time Thalia removes a piece of her clothes, she screams. She screams in hope of alerting the prince. But since the prince is far away, he doesn't hear until the very last scream. Meaning that Thalia literaly strips herself in front of the queen, while screaming every time she takes off a piece of clothing, to visibly no effect (which must leave the poor queen quite confused), and it is only when Thalia gets naked and pushes the final scream that the prince suddenly arrive. You can imagine Thalia going: "FINALLY! I've been screaming for hours now!" (especially when you consider how much pieces of clothing princesses wore at the time).

Literaly one of the threats the prince gives to his wife is "Get ready to go fatten up the broccolli". As a metaphor for being dead and buried underground. Tip-top manly threat. In fact the prince is here quite proficient in ridiculous poetic metaphors: when the cook reveals he saved his children, the prince says "Get ready to move out of the small kitchen of my castle to the vast kitchen of my heart."

And of course the final "moral" of the story is also part of the entire farcical joke that is this story. "People who are lucky receive good fortune, even in their sleep". You literaly have a girl who is randomly raped in her sleep and gives birth to children in her dead-sleep, and then is almost murdered by the rapist' wife... And THAT'S the moral of the story? If you take it all literaly, then you are a fool. Or at least Basile would have called you a fool.

Again, people tend to forget that when it comes to literary fairytales (but also a lot of folk-fairytales) there is a TONE that is important. It is the brothers Grimm and other collectors after them that imposed the idea that fairytales were meant to be read "seriously". A lot, LOT of fairytales were originally humoristic - even going into dark humor or sex comedy. And whenever you go by Straparola or Basile, you HAVE to look at them under the angle of a joke or humor, and search for the puns and caricatures and ridiculousness within these tales. Because these books were meant to be read as such. They are like Rabelais' Gargantua or Shakespeare's comedies. You can of course reinterpret them as "serious" tales... But it won't remove the fact the original was humoristic.

#sleeping beauty #dark fairytale #thalia the sun and the moon #sun moon and thalia #thalia sun and moon #basile #pentamerone #italian fairytales #fairytale history #humoristic fairytale #sex jokes #sexuality in fairytales

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adambja · 11 months

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THIS TOPIC MIGHT NOT BE THAT GOOD FOR SOME PEOPLE WITH CULTURE DIFFERENCES AND I TOTALLY RESPECT THAT!

when you see this post reblog it so it can reach the highest amount of people because this is something that will make people succeed and get more success stories in this community which is actually what we all want we want to be limitless so go ahead I am limitless I am full of limitlessness and I am pure consciousness and nothing can stop me from already having what I want now just like the past nothing could stop me so NOW

LET'S TALK ABOUT masturbating beliefs and the most common things and why and what and how to change them and how to decide what you want and how to stop the OLD PROGRAMMING FROM COMING BACK (if you do the same habits you did before changing your beliefs) it's your base when actually IT ISN'T YOUR BASE YOU CHOOSE YOUR OWN BASE YOU CAN ALWAYS CHANGE YOUR OWN BASE BELIEFS NO MATTER WHAT NOTHING IS OUT OF MY CONTROL I AM IN FULL CONTROL OF EVERYTHING IN MY REALITY

when you see this post reblog it so it can reach the highest amount of people because this is something that will make people succeed and get more success stories this will literally ease your worry because your worries don't manifest from now

Look first of all

Don't over masturbate cause it's somehow harmful

Masturbating is self-pleasure it has a lot of good uses when it comes to manifesting which is the O method which is so good it always happens instantly you can use it to wake up in your void state everyday and be aware in it also if you worked on your self-concept and then masturbated you still have the self-concept you worked on

For Example.

I am still worthy while/after masturbating

I am still shameless while/after masturbating

My chakras are still aligned and open while/after masturbating

I am still confident while/after masturbating

Masturbating makes me shameless

Masturbating makes me confident and comfortable

Masturbating opens my chakras forever

Masturbating healed my chakras forever

The sexual energy is so high it's so pure that also you can manifest with it which is the O Method you can try it it's just amazing

Even after masturbating for me i don't have to wait to get better I always get better instantly after a good sleep and masturbating makes me comfortable completely

Even masturbating doesn't give me orgasm headache it makes me feel like floating around and out of the body completely

Remember I can control masturbating instantly if I don't want to then I don't want to period it's my choice it's my life and it's what I want

Now about the old programming and how to get rid of it if you are doing a specific habit from your past and it makes you feel like you had that old self-concept when actually you really don't have that old self-concept anymore but it's just a version of you that is there waiting for you to let it go and move on from it and just decide your new story (which will be your current story) with that habit then move on from the old one it's just about something you didn't change your way of thinking about so it made you feel like "oh this old self-concept is back" and when you find a new habit you find that "oh my actual new self-concept that I worked on is still here" and you get that feeling back again when actually it was just there the whole time you just have to change your story with that specific old habit you had before you changed your self-concept

THE POINT WAS JUST CHANGE THE STORY THAT'S CONNECTED TO THE OLD HABIT YOU DID BEFORE IT WON'T TAKE TIME ITS JUST 3 DAYS OF PROGRAMMING THEN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT WITH IT YOU WILL LITERALLY PERSIST into the new story automatically after those 3 days TRY SATS 2 3

All you need is 3 days or even way less it's enough and LET ME GIVE YOU A REMINDER YOU already have that new story even before those 3 days but what I mean is persist for 3 days just make a foundation for this new story to build it up after the 3 days and I am not gonna repeat it again because I made it clear many times

ANOTHER REMINDER: repeat the new story as much as you like but don't identify yourself with the old one anymore cause it isn't you anymore if you want to write on a paper "I am not ____" "this isn't who I am anymore" then just burn the paper let it go forever it's okay do it once then persist in the new story you chose and make it as your current truth because THIS IS YOUR NEW TRUTH AND YOUR NEW REALITY that's it guys enjoy!!

you shift to another reality with every thought and every feeling with that thought and it's just incredible how are we and how the subconscious mind is it's just incredible look how limitless I am look how limitless we are if we just allow ourselves to be open to limitlessness because that's already who I am and who we are

So shifting is just simple it happens within seconds

And I saw people talking about the 3d as if it's the old story BRUH or YOUR ENEMY??? please are you FCKING SERIOUS?

GUYS GIRLS

Just assume the 3d is already your friend the 3d isn't your enemy

Just assume that the 3d is just what you want it to be

Just assume that the 3d is the story that you want it to be

Just assume that the 3d is literally your new story and your new truth and even your desired reality and not even eventually it's instant baby time doesn't really exist the 3d already changed to your dream life you don't need to do anything just calm down and enjoy the ride

The concept of the LAW OF ASSUMPTIONS IS assume that you already have what you want and it already happened as you wanted it to be and that's it period

Assume that it's already easy to believe anything you want to believe

Assume that it's already easy to be happy

Assume that it's already easy to be in the void state/desired reality

Assume that you already feel good about yourself

Assume that it's easy to detach from anything or anyone

Assume that worries don't exist

Assume that worries don't manifest

Assume it as that you already have it and that it already happened as you wanted and sit be comfortable meditate

BREATHE GUYS BREATHE

Start yoga or meditate it's just to calm you down so you can move on to your next chapter

Now all I can say is you choose what you want to be by assuming that you already have it and just living and not having to worry anymore because worries don't exist period

Now go choose any reality you want nothing is stopping you from it

Have a great day/night y'all ✨🫶🏻❤️

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andtheirmoonlight · 9 months

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The new ‘strategy’ is depressing, but I’d have accepted it for lack of anything better — if only the new desktop version wasn't there. The new desktop interface is unusable and anxiety-inducing, and I don’t think we’re getting the old one back. I’d be happy to be wrong about it, but.

For now, I open tumblr and I want to leave right away. It’s unusable for a multitude of reasons. It looks like twitter. So the question is ... is there anywhere left to go? To go, as in, one’s populated social media of choice. People from twitter and reddit did a go to here. Tumblr was the last. Everything else had already succumbed to capitalism and The Algorithm, but even if I looked past The Algorithm for a second; facebook sucks, and the Parents are there and they’re eldritch; I avoid instagram like the plague, among other things I prefer to eat my food asap and I don’t want to share any pictures publicly; twitter is nothing but pointless hatred, one can’t be social there without suicidal thoughts creeping up in minutes; mastodon is a wasteland etc etc. Where do I go where it’s okay, where there’s a lot of people, where I don’t need to show my real face or real name, where an app is not a must, where the things that people share are in chronological order, where there’s no pressure and no clout-chaser-induced crap..?

Popularity is conformity, and I thought that tumblr existed specifically for people who aren’t interested in conforming, yet now there’s this ‘update’ that directly states: psych, lol!

You might say, go be social on discord, but I’m fandomless. I’m fandomless, but I do want to see what my mutuals are obsessing over and be like ‘wohoo! good for you!’ on occasion. I want to have mutuals, so to speak. I want to have the means to find more mutuals. I want to be social. With people who live on the other side of the world, and I can check how they’re doing and how their various niche interests are doing. And I want to be able to poke random strangers with reblogs and ask ‘r u fren?’. I want to post my sad little jokes too. I want to be able to curate my own experiences. I also want to have something to just scroll and read and poke hearts on, yes — when I have no energy and brainpower to read books (although I read at every opportunity). But uuh, do you read books in doctors’ waiting rooms or under IVs? I doubt it. I bet you, too, read through odd tags of odd things. So where do I go?

If your answer is ‘outside lol’ — joke’s on you, I go there every day, and not even/only for vexing things, but just on walks and for game nights and date nights and falafel. We go on aimless walks every day. Atm we live in a very walkable country with a lot of nice touchable grass, and that’s not what I mean. Yes, I get that it’s healthy and all, but I am not exactly a healthy or particularly outgoing person, and outside is definitely not somewhere I can go to poke random people who are happy about being poked, or to potentially befriend someone from the other side of the world— and I want to. So where do I go?

I’m pretty sure that it’s a rhetorical question, and that the only place left for me to go is gooseberry grove (which is code for ‘my head’).

The internet has gotten so lonely.

#we're going to go where everybody knows everybody #tumblr desktop #tumblr update #immigration adjacent #tumblr problems #tumblr changes #atmposts

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honestlywtfisgoingon · 2 years

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When You Weren’t Looking — pt. 7/?

PROFESSOR!OBI-WAN KENOBI x READER

PART 6

an au where you and you literature professor realize you both have things to learn about love, and yourselves, outside of class. (as we all know, this can only be done through a big scoop of angst and a smutty cherry on top)

description: we finally learn what that phone call obi-wan made was all about, but he’s gonna have to do more than make a phone call if he doesn’t want to lose you

warnings: language, everyone is straight up not having a good time at some point

a/n: i just started college so schedule has been rough but we’re back, and believe it or not, for the last 4 chapters i’ve actually struggled bc i haven’t written in a long time and i’m finally getting in the groove, so my style is actually pretty diff (at least imo, i think it’s better idk) also i am living for the confrontation and i already have the next few chapters written and they get real good…

words: 4,164

reblogs + feedback welcome :)

You had gone to the library with the intention of studying, but the good mood you had woken up with persuaded you to spend some time finding something to read for your own pleasure and nothing more, no gritty assignment attached to the words. Dragging your hand along the shelves, you felt the spines of the new books, hard and glossy, promising you crisp pages and a fresh smell. It didn’t matter where you went, but none of those quite captivated you much like the older ones. You continued to peruse, instinctually making your way to the back of the library. The soft, cloth-bound spines of well-loved books told you that you had arrived, almost welcoming you into their stories.

With older books, you enjoyed the connection you imagined with its past readers; whoever bent the edge of this page, spilled on that one, wore out the cover, or whether multiple people were part of the progression. The smell of the new books was amazing, yes, but you didn’t exactly have much of a connection with the printing press that came before you.

At the end of the better half of an hour, you had found six or seven books that appealed to you. Ready to go back to your table and enjoy them, you stacked all of them up in your arms. Your little journey wasn't even halfway completed before you crashed into someone who was rounding the same corner you were. The old and rather delicate books lay strewn across the floor. Your focus should have been gathering them and assessing the damage, but it was stolen by the freshwater blue eyes hovering just above you. Hints of silvery grey ran through them, something you hadn’t noticed before. You thought it made them even more beautiful.

“Bollocks!” Professor Kenobi huffed, just before he realized exactly who was underneath him. He, a grown man, had never in his life experienced petrification of this caliber before. His eyes went impossibly wide as he stared down at you. He had imagined you in this exact position last night but under very different circumstances. The shame he felt then was nothing compared to what he felt now.

I’m going to die. This is it. I’m prepared to meet my maker.

You were silent, eyes as wide as his as you held your breath, recollecting your version of events from last night. The arms currently holding him up would’ve been wrapped around you, pulling you flush to him. A furious blush erupted on your face, fearing that he would somehow read your mind and expose you to further embarrassment… if that was even possible.

Why are your eyes open? If you close them, maybe he won’t see you.

“I, um…hello there,” it took him a second to speak, his voice having been lost in shock. When he finally found it, he felt as though he might choke on the words that were being forced out of his dry throat. If you asked, he would blame his struggle on the warm and sweet smell of your hair, the menthol chapstick swept over your lips that he could almost taste, or the smooth expanse of your neck, which he immediately designated as a perfect space for him to fill with kisses. You had effectively taken over his senses.

If these were to be my last moments, would it truly be so bad?

“Obi-Wan—“ you opened your eyes, still processing the experience of being in such close proximity with him. Even through your mortification, you couldn't help but notice the red in his beard, the perfect slope of his nose, or the creases in the outer corners of his eyes that only deepened when he laughed. Of all your observations, the one you loved the most was how he smelled: warm, woody, and crisp, like a mix of fresh forest earth still coated in dew, tea made from the spice and sweetness of cloves, and sheets still holding the heat from the dryer. the scent filled your nose and felt like a comforting embrace. Scent was supposed to be the sense most directly related to memory, and you found yourself imagining moments so clearly that you could've confused them as past events. But no, they weren't memories, just more fantasies created by someone who dearly wanted the man above them.

As you broke away from your false recollections, you remembered the real thoughts you had: thoughts about what you would do if you were to see him again, deciding that you would once again act aloof or give him a piece of your mind. Yet, out of all the responses you could’ve given, the only one that managed to get out successfully was: “did you just say bollocks?”

Your rather unexpected inquiry caught him off-guard, but he relaxed at the fact that your first words were not full of loathing. He only looked away with a sheepish smile. Here he had been thinking that he would never be able to look you in the eye again after he came to the thought of you, but you had lessened his anxieties considerably, something only you seemed to be able to do. Just hearing your voice again, even if it was a little teasing, reminded him that he was safe with you, something he had never really felt with another person before.

“I did,” slowly coming out of his trance, he removed himself from you, although he would’ve been content to lay there with you for a little longer. You shared the same sentiment. It may have shown in the slight frown you adopted once the warmth of his skin left you. “Are you offended?” he joked, smiling as he offered his hand to you. Taking it, he lifted you off the ground. What may have looked like a minor interaction to others was a very successful milestone, at least to the both of you. Before he let your hand go, you noticed how much larger they were than yours. He really could hold your entire face in one of his palms if he wanted.

I wonder how good it would feel if he used them to pin me down while he–

“Oh, um,” he bent down quickly to pick up your books of choice that littered the ground. You crouched to help him, but he put up a hand to stop you. “No, please, let me,” he told you. It was kind of him, but you weren’t just going to let him pick up everything on his own, especially when they were your books. It was when you put your hand on a book that he stopped you once again, placing his over yours. You made eye contact as he insisted once more, “Darling, please, it’s the least I could do,” You rose as he collected the last of them. Perhaps it was something he felt he was called to do as a gentleman. Regardless, you realized how much you missed hearing him refer to you as darling. It rolled off his tongue so sweetly, making your heart beat just a little faster each time he said the word. You didn’t care about acting like you didn’t anymore, and you didn’t feel scared. Somehow, when it came down to just the two of you together, it all seemed so natural and simple again; like everything just fell into place once more.

“Where are you sitting?” Obi-Wan asked, carrying all of the books in his arms. You reached to take them from him, but he pulled away. “Where are you sitting?” he said with an arched brow. you knew that if you asked again he would probably give you the books, but he genuinely seemed like he wanted to help you, and you found yourself appreciating him deeply for it, so you pointed to the table adjacent to you, tucked away in the very corner. He nodded and you both made your way over, Obi-Wan setting your books down next to your datapad and textbooks which were already laid out.

It was after you had pulled out your chair and taken a seat that you realized this was the end of your very brief interaction, and you couldn’t help but be saddened by it. He stood next to you, opening his mouth presumably to say his goodbyes…but it closed, then opened, then closed again. The professor seemed to be at a loss for words.

How could he not be? He wanted so badly to continue this moment, hoping to mend what he had done. With an exasperated sigh, he gave up trying to form the right sentences and simply sat down next to you. You watched his actions, recognizing the same feeling you got when he decided to shut you out. Before he could continue to hurt you further, you spoke.

“Professor please, you were clear enough before,” you said flatly, covering up the apprehensiveness in your voice. He knew your meaning, and once again felt deep regret.

“No no, I would like to…apologize,” he was quick to soothe your fear that he was going to make you relive that conversation. Your brows raised in surprise. “I’m sorry. So very sorry my dear one,” he said those words with such care, not wanting to leave even the littlest piece of room for you to doubt them. He looked down at the floor, “I regret my words the day I sent you from my office far more than the words I said at the bar. I know it wasn’t just the words too I…I’ve been so cold to you,” His eyes flicked back up to yours, his head still lowered penitently.

“Thank you for saying that. It means a lot to me. very much so, and—” you pressed your lips together for a moment, almost scared to say give him the forgiveness he was pleading for.

what if he doesn’t mean it? just wants me to help clear his conscience? he pushed me away first, so maybe I should keep him at arm's distance…

And there it was: that connection that told you it was ok, that you wouldn’t regret it, that he meant every word. You remembered why you were drawn to him in the first place: he listened to you and responded with intention. Maybe it was your turn to do the same for him. It wasn’t that what he did was ok, it was because you didn’t wish for him to continue to carry the guilt with him, as most good people do, and Obi-Wan was a good man.

“—and I forgive you,” you said softly. He beamed up at you, and you were tempted to place your hand on his cheek to let him know you truly meant it, that you were going to allow him to still be close to you. You didn’t let yourself, realizing that he was still your teacher, that even if you allowed him, you could never get close in that way. you didn’t dwell on that though, and continued, still not having asked your most important question: “But why?”

“I was immature, and embarrassed,” with every word he had to lower his pride. He wasn’t supposed to feel such things, he was someone who people looked up to, didn’t expect to act that way, and admitting it would mean he failed them; but with you all you required of him was honesty, and your expectations mattered to him far more than anyone else’s. It took a lot of strength for him to tell you as much, but it was worth it to confess, “I am a grown man and yet I still need affirmation, and I desperately wanted yours,” you blushed at the thought of him thinking so highly of you. “and when I felt like I lost it by acting like a total drunken idiot, I reacted poorly, which was even more idiotic,” he rolled his eyes at himself and you were happy to see the less serious side of Obi-Wan once more.

“Far more idiotic,” you both chuckled. “But it’s not bad to need affirmation, it’s human. What matters more is where you’re looking for it, and never doubt that you have mine,” there was so much admiration in the way that he looked at you. In his eyes, you were nothing short of an angel.

Honest, kind, understanding… there’s no one like her. Even her heart is beautiful.

“Thank you, y/n. it seems like you have more to teach me,” you laughed lightly, and it was at that moment that he realized he wanted to keep hearing it again and again; to be the one to make you laugh mornings and nights. Seeing you like this again was making him reconsider taking the risk.

“What are friends for?” you said in a bright tone, shrugging. You were content with your choice of words, deciding that to be friends was best. Even after this conversation, your heart would still be in the process of healing, haunted by the thought that he could just change his mind again. It would hurt far less to fear a friend leaving than a lover, at least that’s what you reasoned, so you would try viewing him in a platonic light, and only in a platonic light. Another valid point was that if you were simply cordial and uninvolved, he would just flow into your life, not take it up. You were confident in your thought process, both very practical and precautionary, and you patted yourself on the back for it. Obi-Wan could not be counted quite as content as you were.

“And I am happy to have you as one of mine,” his smile was fighting against the small grimace he wanted to let out after your statement. This battle in both his heart and mind was getting tiresome, and just when he was deciding that maybe he was on the wrong side…

Friends. Exactly what you had wanted before isn’t it? And yet it hurts to hear her say it.

He could not complain though, as being your friend was still a highly valued position in his eyes, and he was grateful for your lives to once again be connected.

“Professor, y/n,”

A moment with Obi-Wan. A moment with him, that’s all I ask.

Didn’t I make arrangements for you not to be around her?

You knew the cause for your dropping your smile so immediately and Obi-Wan knew his, but the two of you were clueless about the other’s. The fact both of you had reason to dislike Ferus’ presence right now was a surprise and one that would definitely be pondered later.

You doubted that Obi-Wan’s had anything to do with you, but in reality, he desperately hoped that you couldn’t see that it was. He was afraid that if you recognized his jealousy, it would only paint him as childish in your eyes, especially when he had just apologized for behaving so. Things changed a little when he realized you were obviously unhappy about the situation as well. He became more concerned over what offense Ferus had committed in order to warrant such a cold greeting on your end. He had enough faith in you to assume it was justly deserved, and the poor boy had once again earned another mark against him in Kenobi’s book, still unaware that he had a first. Mingled with the protective spark Obi-Wan had for you, he was ready to defend you should you ask it.

“Can I steal y/n away for a moment?” There was a hesitation in his request that indicated he might have sensed how unwelcome it was. It would actually be impressive if he didn’t…considering the harsh stare from you that he was met with.

Obi-Wan wanted to stay by your side, but he knew he had to play his part as your professor with no attachments at all. “Of course, you may, Mr. Olin,” he responded with all the cordiality he could muster.

“No you may not,” You suddenly spoke just as Obi-Wan was about to rise from his chair. He was more than happy to settle back in.

“y/n—“

“I’m busy, Ferus,” you responded bluntly.

“I just want to say sorry,” your back straightened in surprise. Two men were apologizing to you today and you were used to the men in your life apologizing, well, never. You would have enjoyed it more if it weren’t for the fact that they have to fuck up first just to have a reason to.

You gave Obi-Wan an apologetic look, signaling for him to leave. He didn’t like it, but he pursed his lips and nodded to you anyway. You watched him walk away and began once he exited the building completely.

“Look,” you sighed, “I’m not mad. I just really didn’t appreciate it.”

“Yes but—“

“Yes but what?”

“I’m sorry, but you don’t understand,”

“But I don’t understand?”

How dare he? What excuse could there be that made some of it my fault for not understanding?

You were planning not to make a big deal out of this, but no matter the issue, if he was gonna pin it on you too, like hell you were gonna let that happen. you raised your voice a little loudly, Madame Jocasta shushing you. You gathered your things quickly and strode out of the library. “what could I possibly not understand?” you said harshly, not even bothering to look at him as he trailed behind you.

“There are some things that you don’t know, and it’s just…it’s hard,” You raised your brow even further. Ferus went rigid. “You know what? you wouldn’t understand,”

“How did you not understand when I was clear about being just friends? And then your apology comes with an excuse attached?!”

“You don’t even kno–” Ferus raised his voice.

“y/n, what’s wrong?” Anakin rushed to your side.

“Stay out of this Skywalker,” Ferus glared at the new arrival.

Anakin just looked at you, asking silently if you wanted him to leave. You were going to tell him to go but when Ferus beat you to it, you changed your mind and told Anakin to stay for that reason only. It was a little petty to do something just to spite Ferus, but, well, fuck that.

“If y/n’s in it, I’m in it, and I’m telling you to leave it now Ferus,” Anakin’s loyalty was showing so clearly, and you saw how real of a friend he was. It was a bond that was invaluable to you.

“Always in the way, Skywalker,” Ferus turned to leave, “and you know what? I finally got the recognition I deserved. I earned it, unlike you.”

“What do you mean?” you both looked at each other and then back at Ferus. Your reaction was of genuine confusion and curiosity, past hostility.

“Kenobi spoke to Professor Mundi. Got me a position as his TA and into his program; and you thought you were his favorite, huh?” Ferus had a smug smile as he walked off, no doubt feeling like he had won, even though the battle he was fighting didn't really exist. He just hated Anakin because he got what Ferus felt entitled to. You held the same loyalty Anakin had just shown he had for you, and it made Ferus’ mindset even more sickening than it usually would be.

“I don't understand.” you shifted your attention to Anakin, “like I heard what he said, but I don't get it.”

“I’ve gotta ask Obi-Wan about this,” he said, just as perplexed. When he started to walk away, you started to go with him, but he stopped, giving you a look that he wanted to do this on his own, no doubt because Ferus had made this a problem with him first. You nodded and patted him on the shoulder, releasing him to seek out your professor by himself.

As per usual, Anakin made no effort to enter subtly once he got to Obi-Wan’s office. His teacher was well-accustomed to his habits by now and didn't even look up from his desk. The heavy steps and the sound of the door closing loudly when he pushed it back with too much accidental force, was just another “hello” to him by now. The only difference today was that the steps were quicker and more urgent.

“Why would you help him? why would you get him that position with Professor Mundi?” Anakin asked, both in concern and alarm. There was no way this decision made sense.

Obi-Wan didn't need him to clarify who he was talking about, although he did wonder how he found out. “You said he was bitter, so I gave Professor Mundi a call a while back. I thought that maybe this would clear the bad blood between you two,” he said with a casual wave of his hand.

“Since when did you care? leave the blood. this isn’t like you!” Anakin wasn’t angry, just frustrated, and part of him felt mildly betrayed. Obi-Wan gave Ferus, the person who’s been on his ass for how long, exactly what he wanted. “There’s some other reason I know it,”

“No there's not,” the other man denied.

“The only reason Ferus popped up is because of y/n” Anakin was beginning to piece things together for himself, but he wanted Obi-Wan to be the one to come clean with it.

“Well, I can’t help who he associates with,”

“Oh yes, you can. What does he get out of this?”

“Just some credit,” Obi-Wan hummed.

“Actually,” Anakin pushed harder.

“He’ll still get credit for the assignments that I said he can be exempt from while he spends time helping Professor Mundi; and we’ll both write him a glowing recommendation,”

“‘exempt from’ as in exempt from the group project,” it was presented as a statement rather than a question. “And he’ll be with Professor Mundi most days after class now so you'll know where he is, and it’s not with y/n,” Obi-Wan ran a hand over his face. There was no point in continuing to try and lie to Anakin, he was caught.

“I know you’re not mad about it though, he did cross a line with you,” Anakin felt a little accomplished now that he had finally broken down his professor, but more than that, he was touched by his words. Obi-Wan cared about both of you and had been listening to Anakin all along. He had been waiting for this moment, excited to finally shit talk about Ferus with Obi-Wan.

“So you agree he’s been a dick all along!”

“Anakin, you know I would never say that…out loud,”

“You do!”

“You’re not going to get me to say it out loud,” Obi-Wan kept an unbothered face, but Anakin didn’t miss the twinkle in his eye. “but he crossed a line with you and y/n and that’s not okay,”

“So does this mean you’re going after her?” the younger man raised his voice excitedly.

“No it does not,” Obi-Wan said firmly. Anakin looked dumbfounded. Here his professor was, so obviously head over heels, but willing to do anything but actually go for it.

“Did you ever think that you could lose her?”

“What?”

“That you could lose her. Taking Ferus out of the picture doesn’t mean she’ll stay. She could move on just fine without him,”

He could see genuine fear in Obi-Wan. Anakin had the same fear with Padme. He was scared that if he waited to tell Padme how he felt, he might lose his chance. If her feelings went unencouraged and unrequited, would they last long enough for him to finally build up the guts? He didn’t even want to think about that possibility again.

Obi-Wan’s mind was reeling. But no, that was a risk he wasn’t willing to take. He made progress today, and he wasn’t headstrong like Anakin. All he wanted was for you to be in his life, and he was content with that.

“I talked to her today. We’ve decided to be friends,”

“And friends is what you want?”

Obi-Wan pursed his lips. Maybe he wasn’t so content.

“I— there’s nothing else for me to do,”

“Talk to her,”

“It's not right,” Obi-Wan was holding his head in his hand, speaking frustratedly at the desk.

“Talk. To. Her,”

“I don’t even know what to say. I don’t even know how I feel,” he threw up his hands in exasperation.

“You don’t have to know,” Anakin moved around to place his hand on Obi-Wan’s shoulder, “ If you try, it’ll come out naturally. She’ll get it”

“And what if she doesn’t feel the same?” The TA was starting to see the vulnerability in his Professor.

“What if she does? How long do you think she’s gonna feel the same if you keep her waiting?” Anakin put a clock on it now, and Obi-Wan felt the pressure.

“I—I have a lot to think about,”