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#daily diary
assril · 6 hours ago
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8 more
It makes me sad though
If she doesn't change her mind
I won't see her again
There are so many thoughts regarding her
Good, bad
Same with feelings
But I am in charge
And I control what I do
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rainbowduckduck · 7 hours ago
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Yooooooooooo day 8
So today...
I recited a poem today. It may not sound like a big deal but for me it is. You see my reaction to stressful situations is usually: shaking, talking fast and way too much, fever and sometimes fainting. A got a pretty good grade so it wasn't that bad but I had to take a nap afterwards.
Also in my computer science class we where learning about a Fibonacci number and it reminded me of a video essay(?) that I listened to not to long ago about Junji Ito's(?) work, and more particularly Uzumaki because spirals. And it had me thinking because if you think about it so many things are actually spirals and we don't even notice it.
I found a new obsession and it's listing to those long video analysis about horror related stuff. Like not podcasts but like those hour or two videos about horror games, films, mangas/books/ect and args. It's just fascinating and kinda relaxing.
Yep so that's it
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Today you get a picture of Munchkin. A very cool bread of cats with short legs. They can't jump very high but they be zooming.
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sl3rps · 12 hours ago
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Have you ever thought about the fact that everyone has something deep and meaningful, but in reality it's actually meaningless. Yeah bro me neither fuck that shit shahahalsh
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The prettiest place (Ngwenya Lodge in South Africa). I'm so glad we got to spend the week here. It's been awesome.
We saw elephants all week and the river was always occupied, by crocodiles and hippos mostly but also these reaaaallly loud ducks who never stopped quacking. It was a little piece of paradise.
We were being extremely Covid-focused of course even with us being allowed to go there. We only went outside our little chalet for food. The rest of our time was spent sitting on the balcony watching the scenery and making friends with the blue tailed skinks.
I also started reading Circe by Madeline Miller, and it's amazing. 10/10 would recommend
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oddweeb · 18 hours ago
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Hello everyone.
Break ups are the worst. I feel so bad. I can't eat I can't do anything 😓
I hope it will pass.
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heavenlyseoul · 22 hours ago
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I was having a really great day until I visited my sisters. Why is it my family, my sisters, doesn’t understand me? My aunt and I are both empaths and the outcasts of the family. We are the “weird ones” the “odd balls”. Well, who are you to say so? What gives you the right to determine what is weird or normal? I know I may not be for some people but it hurts to be mocked by my own sisters but at the same time, I feel sorry that they do not see the world the way I do. I try not to take it too personal because it’s their journey and lessons to learn. I’m just thankful to have my aunt and my best friend who has become a major part of my life these last three years. I am what I am and I won’t apologize for that.
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conversationswithourself · 22 hours ago
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Day 155
16-04-2021
Still plugging away at my self-care. Took a fabulous bubble bath last night. I was feeling real down yesterday. Feeling a little better this morning tho. Maybe that's the answer. Take more baths XD lol It's not a bad idea tho.
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Take care of yourself beautiful people.
TW; death, Camus philosophy
I'm ok btw. I'm not feeling s*icidal. Frankly it's because of this philosophy that I've been able to make progress.e will" (MS, 55). In short, he recommends a life without consolation, but instead one characterized by lucidity and by acute consciousness of and rebellion against its mortality and its limits.
Source from https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/camus/
I think about this when I struggle with depression and s*icidal ideation.
To me it speaks to the idea that if I am alive, I choose to LIVE, to really live! It does no good to dwell on things I can not change.
I'm ok btw. I'm not feeling s*icidal. Fankly it's because of this philosophy that I've been able to make progress.
I'll say it again, take care of yourself beautiful people. You are loved. You have value. You create your own journey, your own meaning.
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girlitsokaytobesad · 23 hours ago
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here you can find my diary entries. it gets personal and may be triggering at times.
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rainbowduckduck · a day ago
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So today....
My power went out so I missed few classes. What else, I had to write two tests and than I went to sleep because I felt like shit. I woke up like 2 hours ago just to study a bit and do my homework. And now I'm going back to sleep.
Yeah sorry for this being so short but I just feel sick today (I'm writing this as if anyone will ever see it heh. What a blessing to be stupid)
And no animal today because I don't know which to choose.
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deepkriti · a day ago
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I am so tired with this life...with this day. But I also don't want to sleep.
-dkg
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deepkriti · a day ago
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He asked me, "Are you okay?"
I said nothing.
It's like I was sucked out of all my strength.. that my legs have been washed off my muscles. It's like I will never be able to stand again, ever.
How to tell him that, without breaking his heart too.
So, I said nothing.
-dkg
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deepkriti · a day ago
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I cried and cried
Till I couldn't
My tears are dried
and my eyes burn
But more than anything else
My heart breaks into pieces
They pierce my soul
From time to time
Making me bleed
for years to come.
-dkg
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April 15, 2021
Well so, I am jam - fucking - packed from today till the end of this month. But on the bright side, today, my mother and aunt left to another state and it’s just me and tannu for a few days - 2 or 3 days only. I got 0 uni work done today and I have to start tomorrow with all the work I have due for this week and the next. Trying to complete these assignments and find an internship and simultaneously prepare for my finals is all just so stressful and I want to bang my head on the wall. Next year, around this time, I’ll be running around for my dissertations and applying for my masters, and hopefully I get somewhere. 
11:18 PM
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First message. I feel like I buy a lotery ticket.  I need this place, need to feel alive. 
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angryrainbowdash · a day ago
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In a bakery shop. Ellie's Diary. April 16, 2012.
!Caution! The diaries are from 2012/13, don't take it very seriously. I was just goofy and naive and brutally honest in diaries. This is just my writing fantasy. This is fiction. But a lot of things are modeled on my life.
8:35 p.m.
As always, it was quite hard at school. However, a certain situation happened in the bakery. I stood in the line for bread and waited patiently. I let the old woman and the lady with a toddler pass. Suddenly a blonde woman pushed in, claiming that she "must buy bread" even though bread was sticking out of the bag. I told her not to lie and she snapped back, "get off you bitch."I told her to shut up because she acting like a bridge shit and not be in the line.She spat on my shoes and said, "You will regret it, teen." A woman with tousled hair came. She came over and it turned out that she was blonde woman sister and sincerely apologizes.I let her go and just nodded.
After shopping, I went home and as usual, brother Adam, (6 years old, brown hair, green eyes) and Sally (5 five years old, blond hair, blue eyes) are they playing family game (something like that). Mom slices vegetables and repeats German modal verbs aloud. My stepfather is sitting in front of the TV watching a rugby match.
Such typical life! I wouldn't say that. How much would I give for a piece of normal life.
Let me start what exactly is going on. 7 years ago my real dad had an accident and is in a coma. Mom found someone - my stepfather with whom she has 2 children. Sally is my stepsister also Adam. My aunt and her husband moved in with three cats. I am going crazy!
It got terribly cramped. Half the family eats breakfast on the couch and the other half at the table. And mom spends half the day cleaning and the rest at work.
My stepfather works overtime in a corporation so he doesn't do much at home. My aunt and her husband walk around town all day long. He doesn't even know how to cook, he just heats food in the microwave or Chinese soups. Besides the fact that she is at home, she is knitting.
As for today, after supper (Marmite sandwiches), I did my homework. But probably the worst English. I was supposed to write an essay about my parent. I chose mum. My stepfather doesn't do much at home.
12 p.m.
I just finished my homework. I was wrong the math was terrible. The tasks with the function were quite difficult. It's raining and snowing outside. Mom is watching a soap opera and my stepfather has locked himself in a room with an extra job. The siblings go crazy playing with paints. Mum and her stepfather are arguing almost all the time about money, time, work and even vacuum cleaner bags. It goes off scale. I'm getting ready to meet Scarlet soon, my mother won't even notice that I'm even more my stepfather. Aunt and her husband are frolicking in their room. I'll throw up in a moment.
I should explain who Scarlet is. Scarlet is a goth, her mom is an ex-porn star and her dad is a bartender. Right after my dad had an accident and fell into a coma, I met Scarlet. Her sister died in a bungee jumping. Her mother developed alcoholism. But she quickly got up and took care of Scarlet. Its concept is different. My parents don't pay attention to me. Even my half-siblings. Scarlet's mom gives her a lot of freedom and supports her in her choices.
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nemesis1745 · a day ago
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Casi una semana pasó de la última entrada. Como siempre no tengo muchas novedades. Pero ya estoy mas encaminado con mi tesis, ojalá para fin de año esté todo listo.
Tolkien dice que la Fantasía no puede quedar atrapada en una red de palabras; porque una de sus cualidades es la de ser indescriptible, aunque no imperceptible. En momentos como estos los mejor es aferrarnos a la fantasía, darnos el lujo y la posibilidad de viajar por mundos en los que todo puede estar mejor que en el nuestro y mejorar nuestro ánimo. Mundos en los que podemos descender al mismísimo centro de la tierra o al pico de la montaña mas alta sobre alguna criatura de nuestra propia imaginación. Esto mueve nuestros sentimientos mas internos, lo que fuimos de niños y lo que podemos ser ahora.
Aunque sigo en el loop de sentirme inútil, sin un futuro cierto, me siento un poco mejor. He estado hablando con personas que se encuentran en una situación similar a la mía. Estamos todos en la misma situación de bajón, desosiego e incertidumbre de lo que vaya a pasar con la pandemia. Si estas en la misma situación no dudes en escribirme.
Saludos.
R.
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Day 154
15-04-2021
I've been feeling crappy lately.
i'm supposed to be work. don't really feel like it tho.. balhgg
...
hurray for spacing out for 3 hours
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linus-malmqvist · 2 days ago
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31 Mars 2021 Onsdag Trying to sparse out what is causing tiredness Pollen, anti Pollen pills, stress? Surprised when my tired body woke up during the evening run. Flat text.
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I’m trying to be a better person. I’m trying to be more patient and understanding but I feel like I am failing horribly. I find myself naturally doing bad things or thinking bad thoughts. I hate it. I’ve been trying to really look at myself and my flaws, the things I need to fix and work on. I’ve been told by crushes, classmates and friends that I am “mean”. Though at times I enjoyed my reputation as such, I never actually thought of myself as actually being a mean person. I always told myself that it was just a front to protect myself. But I’ve been noticing things about myself. They are quick, thoughts of ill will towards people for things that I feel they deserve punish on.
“Well so what, it’s not like you’re actually doing those bad things to people”. You’re right where I agree there, I have to so agree as to why it’s bad for me to do that. I formally renounced my Christian faith in September 2020. Since, I have tried to follow what has always called to me, magic. Witchcraft. Though I know the practice is nothing like the books and movies that I love, I still have learned and am trying to follow “What you put out into the universe is what you receive back”. If I’m going around wishing bad things on others then it’s no wonder bad things are always happening to me.
I have a long way to go but I guess it’s good that I’m a step into the right direction.
Fasting again, counting calories. Frustrated because I’m constantly off and on my period right now. Scale still says after 175lbs and I feel like I’m starving most days. I have plans for this weekend, I hope I can finish my project in time so that I can enjoy my plans thoroughly.
Today I am thankful for the opportunities I have had in life. I didn’t act on most due to depression and wanting to be dead but now that I made it this far I hope I can start to actually live life, as cliche as that sounds.
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assril · 2 days ago
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10 days left
Do I think that she'll come back?
Not really
Do I feel so?
Hope is always with me
Despite anything
Besides
It's hard to find someone so close to your Anima
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