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whatdoesshedotothem · 2 years

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Tuesday 23 December 1834

9 20

1 5

(go by the Lawton clocks) Breakfast at 10 20 – then sat talking till 12 – from 12 to 2 walked (about 2 miles) to see a poor man (James Shaw) confined to his bed those 30 weeks from having fallen into a hot saltpan – luncheon with Mr L- in his room (I not eating) then sat talking in M-‘s sitting room – out at 4, for 40 minutes – walked to the Lodge to see Mrs Grantham and a couple of neat new cottages near the Lodge and close to the canal – then sat talking in my dressing room till 5 40 – dressed – dinner at 6 10 – coffee – tea - read a little of the Globe of today – came upstairs at 10 ½ and M- sat with me ½ hour – sealed and gave her my letter written last night to A- (Shibden) to be put into the post office before 9am tomorrow – annoyed this morning to find I was too late for today’s post – the letters must be there at 9 and the mail goes at 10 Told π- she had never come to me to see if I was up this morning She said she would but thought I should not like it I was rather attendrie this morning particularly after our walk she told Mr Crewe had been with her at Scarbro’ glad I had not heard of it in York and that she herself was first to tell me of it he said he hoped to [see] her happy with the friend she liked best staying with her at Warmingham meaning to have me with them I asked

SH:7/ML/E/17/0128

if she did not think this speech plain enough she said it had not struck her much but at last owned it was pretty plain tho’ she still says she never was in love with him and wonders if she ever shall be I calmly said oh yes all that would come she told me Mr C- was very calm on that subject in telling her a story on a chère amie of Brooke Grevilles said but he and his friend could very well do without those domestic comforts she still persists that all the love is for me I led the conversation to A- said I really liked was more than comfortable and that whatever might be said money had nothing to do with it π- asked if it was true that she has three thousand a year I said no but our fortunes would be about equal and that we should have five thousand a year said I had thought of her the first thing after π-‘s break off I was thankful things were as they were for I was determined to have one and certainly could not have done better Charlotte said A- was not ladylike and she and Mrs Milne thought she would not be flattered if she saw her successor but that I could not do without money π- took all well said she thought I had done right and perhaps she herself was the cause of if they wondered Mr C- does not like Mrs Milne she behaved sarcastically and he expected better things after all the trouble he had taken about Hamlyn he wished π- to get her uncle and Lou to go to Geneva next summer π- to join them and then he and his two boys would join them all at Geneva and make a tour for with her uncle there could be nothing wron[g] I made no remark but this explained the passage she read from Lou’s letter that came today that with a little persuasion she thought her uncle might be got to go to Geneva tho’ she had preferred Scotland on account of not leaving her mother so far This proves π- had thought on the plan and seriously too perhaps she wished to sound me what will the world say? she protests she feels towards only as a brother well nous verrons I told her that but for him I might have acted differently said I read her last letter to A- but she did not understand it I had told all that was necessary but not quite all that is not of our connection nor did any know of this or ever would this seemed to satisfy her said I was not quite satisfied with her brother’s conduct about Clifton to his mother in paying with so much difficulty nor with his management with his wife and that he had latterly left A- ten day unvisited by him but this not to be named any more than the brandy and water drunk by Miss Bagshaw at Miss Bewley’s ----- π- has seemed low today at intervals it seems she does not now like Miss Wilbraham who has interfered with friendly society etc Mr C- says how worldly they all are and he cannot endure them somehow I do not like this π- says Mr C- was never conscious of his feelings towards till Mr L’s conduct to him at Mr Wood’s in 1831 I cannot quite understand π- she shews me she is still in love with me I might have her heretofore without much difficulty she says she is glad to see me but talks on the difference there is when my interest is hung on another peg I asked tonight if I was not as much attached and as affectionate as she wished me to be she made no answer I pressed her to say yes and she merely replied ‘yes you are very affectionate’ She has kissed me as warmly as she dared venture and has given me licence enough if I chose to take it but in answer ‘ do you love me’ my yes indeed I do bespoke nothing beyond friendship the fact is I am really indifferent to her but she would lead me astray if she could she will send a present to A- sorry I had proposed it as it was her own intention δ- and I very good friends But no more. Very fine frosty day - no use to look at my thermometer - my dressing room having a good fire in it - wrote all the above of today from 11 ½ to 12 ½ tonight.

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crystalstar8 · 3 years

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Knights of the Night (Epilogue)

Epilogue

Ch 1, ch 2, ch 3, ch 4, ch 5, ch 6, ch 7, ch 8, ch 9, ch 10, ch 11, ch 12, ch 13, ch 14, ch 15, ch 16, ch 17, ch 18, ch 19, ch 20, ch 21, ch 22, ch 23, epilogue

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29139240/chapters/71536491

pairing: Jungkook x oc

genre: vampire au, college au, twilight, romance

word count: 1,587

warnings: blood (obviously), kidnapping, child kidnapping, needles, France, human trafficking

notes: vampires, vampire au, college, college au, so many twilight references, blood, needles, kidnapping, children, homelessness, dance, ballet, flashbacks, romance, slow burn, probably no smut, idk yet tho, France, French things, attempted genocide, inaccurate French history, bisexual main character, @strawberriewithchocolate-blog @mozy-j @daechwitad-2 @zobadak @fallenstar-7

summary: Catalina starts college in a small town all the way across the country. She doesn’t know anyone and isn’t exactly looking for friends. She just wants to focus on dance. But when she meets fellow dance major, Jimin, and adventurous, fellow freshman, Jungkook, Catalina ends up discovering a whole new side to the small college town; one that is dangerous but oh so enticing...

Catalina took one last glance around her room before heading downstairs. She heard Jimin’s voice, which put a wide smile on her face. Him and Taehyung were back on time, which meant they’d be able to come with everyone that afternoon.

She ran down the stairs, taking them two at a time, before landing in the foyer. Taehyung and Jimin were taking their shoes off and setting their bags down, chatting with Hoseok and Namjoon. Catalina threw her arms around Jimin and asked him, “How was your trip?”

He pulled away and smiled wide, his eyes disappearing. “It was incredible. I’ll tell you all about it later.”

“I can’t wait,” Catalina said, smiling just as wide.

“We were gonna go to the beach later,” said Hoseok. “Do you want to go with us?”

“Sure! I think we’ll mostly just relax, though,” said Taehyung.

“Here, I’ll help you unpack so you can get yourselves settled before we go,” Hoseok said, following them back out the car. Catalina left the foyer and went into the kitchen. The kitchen was beautiful, so different from when she first came into this house. They had it remodeled, actually, they had a lot of the house remodeled. Everything was a bit more modern, but their antiques were mostly still around. Even Yoongi redid his bedroom, saying he didn’t want to sleep in a rat’s nest anymore. He made an incredible amount of money on the antiques in that room, the museums practically begging him to part with them.

The light was on in the kitchen when Catalina entered, which meant Jungkook was in there. Sure enough, he was standing in front of the fridge, staring into its contents with bleary eyes. His hair was a floof on top of his head and his pajamas were rumpled. Catalina came up behind him and wrapped her arms around him. She laid her head on his back and listened to the steady rhythm of his heart, something she’s become so very familiar with.

“What will you have for breakfast?” she asked. He grunted in response, shifting some containers around on the shelf. He finally chose a container of leftovers and cracked the lid to sniff it. He sniffed it three times before deciding it was edible and dumping it on a plate. While it was heating up, he turned and opened his arms, letting Catalina settle into him.

“Are you gonna surf today?” he asked.

“You asked me that yesterday,” Catalina said with a giggle.

“And you said no yesterday!” he said. She could feel his laughter in his chest where her head was resting.

“Maybe,” she said. “I heard the teaching process is very hands on.”

He chuckled and said, “Where did you hear that?”

“Hm, I don’t remember,” she said. The microwave beeped and Jungkook let Catalina go so he could grab his food. She pulled a blood bag out of the fridge and sat down with him at the dining table, sipping at her drink while he ate.

“What are you guys doing up so early?”

Yoongi wandered into the kitchen with messy hair and tired eyes.

“It’s beach day!” Jungkook said, much more awake now that he was eating. “You’re coming, right?”

“No.”

“Yoongi, you don’t have to swim or surf or anything,” said Catalina. “You can just sleep on the beach. Or drink wine on the beach. You need the fresh air, you’ve been at your piano for days. Plus, I think everyone would really like to spend some time with you.”

“When are you going?” he asked.

“We’re heading out around eleven,” said Catalina.

“Oh. I’ll think about it,” Yoongi said. “Are Taehyung and Jimin back yet?”

“Yes, they just walked in a little while ago,” said Catalina.

“Good,” he said. “I’m glad their flight wasn’t delayed.”

With that, he left the room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

During the drive to the beach, Catalina made sure to sit in the back of the Jeep with Jimin.

“So, tell me about the trip,” she said, a giddy smile on her face.

“Ah, it was perfect!” said Jimin. “I’ve never been to Arizona before so I didn’t really know what to expect about the weather or anything. It really is very dry there. The heat is like heat from an oven. And the places we saw were so beautiful. We camped in the Grand Canyon and… it was insane. The Grand Canyon is insane. Everything was so incredible. And at night, you could see the stars perfectly. When we camped in Death Valley, there was absolutely no light pollution for miles so the sky was amazing. We saw the Milky Way.”

“Oh wow,” Catalina sighed.

“You and Jungkook should go next summer,” said Jimin. “You’d love it.”

“Yeah, I would do that,” said Catalina. “That sounds like a lot of fun. We need to make up for our last trip.”

They sat in silence for a while before Jimin said, “I can’t believe we’re going to France in two weeks.”

“I know!” said Catalina. “I can’t believe it! This is something I’ve been waiting for my entire life and I’ll finally be able to do it!”

“Is your solo ready?” Jimin asked.

“I mean, as ready as it’ll ever be,” said Catalina. “You know how it is.”

Her and Jimin had both taken the winter semester off to recover from their transformations and to get used to their new bodies. Catalina used that time to choreograph a solo worthy of an audition in France. By now, the beginning of summer, she had perfected it as much as she could.

“I’m going to the studio to practice it tomorrow,” said Catalina. “You should come with me. You can help, or just watch. You haven’t seen it finished yet.”

“What time? I’m babysitting tomorrow,” said Jimin.

“Oh right! You’re doing that every Tuesday now, aren’t you?” said Catalina.

Jimin nodded and said, “Yep, Caleb’s sister has dance on Tuesdays, so I’ll just be there for a few hours.”

“Are you still gonna do that when classes start? You’re signing up for classes in the fall, right?” she asked.

“Yeah, I don’t want to fall behind any more than I am,” said Jimin.

“Me too,” said Catalina. Then she smiled and grabbed Hoseok’s shoulder over the driver’s seat. “And you’re starting classes with us too, aren’t you?”

He laughed and said, “I sure am!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The weather was perfect, and according to Jungkook, the water was ideal for beginner’s surfing. They got set up on a relatively empty patch of the beach. The family closest to them had a few kids, who were building a sandcastle near the water. It was Monday, so thankfully there weren’t too many other people there. Yoongi laid out a beach blanket and immediately laid down, covering his face with his sun hat. He was almost completely covered, with long sleeves and long pants. Catalina figured he was trying to protect his pasty white skin.

Jimmy K settled down beside Yoongi with a thick book. Catalina had assumed he would be surfing with them that day; he seemed like the type to surf. Jimin and Taehyung lathered themselves in sunscreen and took their spots near the cooler, relaxing and watching the fun just like they promised. After shedding her shorts and tank top to reveal her new white bikini, Catalina lathered herself in sunscreen, since she could already feel herself burning. Then she grabbed her board and met the others down by the water.

At some point, the family next to them left and they were left to themselves on their private stretch of beach.

Catalina, Namjoon, and Hoseok kept their eyes on Jungkook and Jin, who were teaching them the basics of how to surf. They all had boards, rented ones for the newbies, and Catalina was excited to get out on the water. With every glance at the ocean behind her, she felt nervousness twist in her stomach. She had to keep reminding herself that she wouldn’t drown and she wouldn’t get hurt. Her body was stronger than it used to be, which was something she still hadn’t completely gotten used to.

They were standing on their boards, Jin showing them how to position their feet. Jungkook went to each of them, giving them pointers or fixing their positions. He stepped onto Catalina’s board behind her and nudged her right foot forward a bit, hands on her bare waist.

“Just keep your knees bent and your legs spread a bit more,” he said. His bare chest was pressed up against her back.

“…And if you guys fall off, just let the current roll you until it’s settled, then come up,” Jin was saying. “But you guys won’t drown anyway, so no harm.”

“Right, no harm,” Jungkook said, his hand sliding down to her butt.

She giggled and turned around to face him.

“Did Hoseok get this treatment when you helped him?” she asked with a wide smile on her face.

“He would probably like that,” Jungkook said with a laugh. “But this is only reserved for my favorite students.”

“Ooh, so Namjoon got this too,” Catalina said, winding her arms over his bare shoulders. He threw his head back and laughed. This was her favorite song. The sounds of his laughter, the waves hitting the beach, The seagulls calling overhead, his heart beating in his chest.

Catalina leaned up to press her lips against his, the board wobbling in the sand beneath their feet.

She never wanted this song to end.

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tarithenurse · 4 years

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Skinny Dipping - Challenge

Pairing: Thor x fem!reader Contents: The title gives some away...but not all. Expect: pining, bit of insecurity, incredulity, some nudity and sexual details, mostly hinting at smutty thoughts, implied smut. Probably some grammar/spelling/writing errors too. A/N: This is my contribution to wonderful @firefly-in-darkness‘ Summer Challenge using the prompt “Skinny Dipping”. Technically not due ‘til the 2nd of September, but maaaan, it’s impossible to tell when the summer really is in this wet country. Was it last week when we had 15-20 degrees celcius? Is it a month from now? Or maybe we’ll have a heatwave in October. Who knows?! I don’t, so let’s create our own summer right now.

Skinny Dipping

... Reader ...

The buzzing of insects is overwhelming, at night the cicadas are the worst, and the only moment where there seems to be some sort of silence is in the middle of the day when the sun is at its highest, burning down on the already scorched grass. Not even the trees can grant much relief from the rays as the leaves have started shrivelling up after weeks and weeks of no rain.

“Why did...I...agree to this?!”

Your voice is raspy, dry from the exertion of running and the dust that’s constantly picked up with the lightest breeze or disturbance. At least you brought plenty of water – it’s just not enough to soothe the sensation of getting the liquids slowly squeezed out of you by an invisible force. You’re not wearing much (shorts and a tank top over your sports bra) but it’s too much and you’re soaked.

“I have faith in your prowess, my friend,” Thor smiles back to you.

The Asgardian is leisurely jogging a few meters up ahead, apparently unbothered by the extreme conditions and unknowingly adding to the frustration bubbling inside. Still it’s the sight of him that keeps you moving because the man really is endearing when he cheers you on and – oh boy – the look of him is enough to keep anyone moving: shirtless, his skin has tanned to contrast the rose golden hair and beard, and even if he isn’t worn out like you, the man still has pearls of sweat running down the perfectly sculpted muscles. Not that you ever would admit to thirsting for him.

Never going running with an Enhanced or whatever again!

Somehow – at the moment you can’t recall how – Thor had cajoled the you to follow him along a new path. A long path. You are used to running with Sam: together with Clint the three of you make up the completely human core of the Avengers while everyone else has something amazing going on. Well...maybe not Tony, but he refuses to go jogging like this. Smart man.

Pulling out a water bottle for the umpteenth time, it’s a brief relief to feel the lukewarm liquid running down your throat (both inside and outside) and one you make sure to use while you can.

“Tho-o-or,” you moan with a pout, “can’t you...like...make it rain or som’thin’?”

“That is not in my power, little one,” he laughs, smiling almost as brightly as the sun, “I can brew up thunder and lightning, yet the rain is not within my realm of command. But fret not, there is a stream not far ahead.”

... Thor ...

The air hangs heavily even here in the shadows of the only green vegetation left for miles. He has slowed to a walk, allowing [Y/N] to spare herself a bit, but now finds that her scent is filling his lungs and clouding his mind with the sweetness of her sweat and the saltiness of her breath...or is it the other way around? The words he had picked carefully days ago are gone. Dried up like the drops of water that had run from her lips, along the neck, over the collarbone before delving between her breasts and disappearing with his courage.

“Oh, Thor!” Her revitalized cry shakes the God back to reality and he finds that they have arrived at the once thundering river – the drought has reduced it to a lazy flow. “It looks so...so...yay!”

Hurrying to the river bank, she quickly sheds backpack, shoes and sock before wading out into the shallows where the stones are rounded from centuries of streaming water. He can see the rush of goosebumps spreading along her limbs.

“I’m glad you approve of this place for a few minutes of rest.”

“Few?!” Water splashes as she spins to confront him. “I’m not getting out ‘ntil I’m cooled down, sir! In fact -” Thor holds his breath as sparkles of mischievousness adorns her eyes –”I’m gonna enjoy this to the fullest.”

Nimble hands start to pull the top she’s wearing off. Thor’s gaze becomes fixed on the bared skin of her belly even as the abandoned fabric lands by his feet and his throat instantaneously dries when she reaches for the clasps of her intimates. I shan’t. Forcing himself to turn away, every instinct is trying to fight Thor’s upbringing each time a discarded clothing item flies past him.

One.

Two.

Three.

He shivers when realizing nothing can be left, the waves of excitement planting themselves in his groin to grow rapidly. A splash. A sigh – one he echoes unwillingly due to the images the sound conjures up.

“You’re just gonna stand and fry in the sun?”

“I...maybe you...” Why is this so hard? “It would be a shame to impose.”

“It’d be a shame to miss out on this, Thor.”

And I do not want to miss a thing. Like a siren’s call, she draws him in with simple orders sent skidding across the water’s surface from where [Y/N] has lowered all but her head below water. Clear eyes never leave his face as the Asgardian, self-conscious for once, frees himself from the restraints of his clothing and wades into the water. A shiver runs through his body as his sac meets the cool, clear stream before lapping around the entirety of his manhood.

“Ahhhhhh!” Thor sighs with delight, lost to the surroundings the moment he submerges to the neck.

Sweat and dust is lifted from the body, leaving him re-freshened, and he understands [Y/N]’s stubborn joy.

A small splash behind him indicates where she is. “Not bad, eh?”

“It is truly wondrous...” Still, it could be better. The thought throbs through his cock with a will of its own. “I...is this a normal custom for Midgardians?”

There’s a pause in her movements through the water and it’s as though the air stands still, like the world is holding its breath. “I think it might depend on where...different cultures you know.” She inhales deeply. “Here it’s generally not something anyone would do with random people or...or even...friends unless they’re...” The awkward tone in her voice dies as she tapers off into a groan.

Yet here we are. “Then I will not bring any shame on you.”

When there’s no answer, Thor peeps over his shoulder to see what’s going on only to find that [Y/N] has submerged fully. And stays submerged. Puzzlement grows into worry, and in a few swimming strokes the god hurries to her, carefully aiming through the blurring water for the woman’s arms and lifting her to breach the surface, making her splutter at the shock.

“[Y/N]?”

Still coughing, [Y/N] doesn’t pull away from him, not even as he brings her a bit closer to support her through the fit. Her skin...she is... Subtle, cooled by the water, and carrying a scent unlike any other her body leans back to fit against his chest, curve of her ass positioning perfectly against his pelvis to allow the cock to nestle between the butt cheeks – it isn’t until a tiny sigh slips between her lips that Thor realizes what he is doing but by then she’s already reached behind her to pull him closer.

... Reader ...

It’s a dream. Gotta be a dream. I probably drowned when I swallowed that water and now I’m dead and in some sort of heaven. The only problem with your theory is how strikingly real it all feels: Thor’s body (and certain parts thereof) are pressing hard and warm against you, his hands drifting from your shoulders to let him wrap his arms around your chest. Muscles bunch, cocooning and tempting, under the tanned skin.

“If you tell me no,” you whisper, too afraid of that to happen, “then I’ll stop.”

“And if you accept my yes,” the deep voice is husky as he nibbles at your ear, “then know you have all of me for as long as you wish. I’ll be yours.”

Maybe your heart just stopped beating. It doesn’t really matter because these seconds would be enough to fill you a lifetime. “Yes, please.” Twisting slightly in his arms, your lips finally brush against his and his stubble prickles teasingly. “That sounds perfect.”

Next second, his mouth kick starts your heart but steals your breath away.

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heartcravings · 4 years

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twenty questions tag

thank you @diamozi and @jongin-be-my-jagi for tagging me! sorry it took me so long to actually reply tho!

1. what do you prefer to be called name-wise?

sam

2. when is your birthday?

a little after winter’s solstice, 26th december.

3. where do you live?

portugal

4. three things you are doing right now?

hm, trying to have better routines (like sleeping and eating and drinking more water), be more focused on my thesis work (so that i can move on with my life) and also trying to draw more consistently because it really makes me happy.

5. four fandoms that have piqued your interest?

I don’t think I am a fan of anything else other than exo and even to them I am a lousy fan type of person. I just love what I love and that is that I guess.

6. how has the pandemic been treating you?

so-so? I was on a hard journey already and when it came it certainly didn’t help me. quite on the contrary, I felt like I regressed so much in my mental state, my motivation and concentration dropped and I developed a certain level of anxiety I wasn’t used to. but I feel like I had to go through these hardships to grow and learn more about myself. I’m slowly (very slowly!) getting back on horse and in control of my life. hopefully I'll continue to grow and steadily increase stability in my emotional/mental side. I hope it gets easier to find some happy too.

7. a song you can’t stop listening to right now?

last week I was working on my gluttony art and I listened to it a lot. today I listened to ending by yeule around 4 times? i'm not one to listen to the same music on loop all day, rather listen to it everyday instead. but sometimes some songs get to me and I can’t let them go right a way.

8. recommend a movie?

somehow I've been thinking of Little Forest: Summer/Autumn and Little Forest: Winter/Spring a lot lately. It’s a 2014 japanese adaptation of a manga and it is so wholesome. I definitely recommend for some peaceful time.

9. how old are you?

a little older than kim minseok (not by a lot, but still an 80s baby)

10. school, university, occupation, other?

finishing my phd.

11. do you prefer heat or cold?

cold, cold cold! (I can always dress warmer, hide under blankets or drink hot beverages!) 12. name one fact others may not know about you?

I got an email last weekend of a friend I first met in Transylvania 7 years ago. The total amount of time physically shared between us in the same space was around 6 weeks. We randomly met twice in the same year in our lives. 7 years without talking to each other or even following each other on social media. And he wrote me the most amazing letter last weekend. It’s really cool to know that the people who touch you deeply sometimes were touched back just as much.

13. are you shy?

I don’t think so? i open better in one on one relationships though. in group settings it depends:

. if I'm surrounded by people I don’t know at all, I'm friendly and quiet but I approach people first or show that I am open to be talked to and try to mingle and meet new people. . if I'm surrounded by my group of friends and they bring someone I don’t know to the group, I try to be kind and make them feel welcomed but I'm more quiet and observant. . if I'm surrounded by people I feel safe with, I'm just me: happy and silly if happy or quiet and observant if I need a little more energy to interact. . if there are people that I don’t feel comfortable with around me, my energy tends to drop significantly and I hide more. (pro at blending with the wall ^^)

but amongst all the scenarios I always tend to have my moments of solitude, being inside my own head, lost in thought, daydreams, etc. so if I'm suddenly quiet I'm probably noticing how you touch your ear lobe when you get nervous, or how your left eye has a little dot, or how the clouds look like bunnies right now, or how the light makes my cats hair shine in warm gold tones... you get it xD

14. preferred pronouns?

she/her due to the social norms I grew up with. but those are just labels right?

15. biggest pet peeve?

I don’t like saliva... not even my own? idk if this counts.

16. what is your favorite “dere” type?

oh idk, almost all of the ‘deres’ have their charm. but I think I relate more to dandere? i think i’m just a dandere (silent type) trying to be a kuudere (cool type) but ending up like bakadere (clumsy type) xD

17. rate your life 1-10, 1 being crappy and 10 being the best it could be:

since once upon a time it was already an 8 (saving the 9 and 10 for a the possibility of being better) I'd say right now it is a 5/6.

18. what’s your main blog?

this!

19. list your side blogs and what they’re used for:

hm, I had @100daystofinishmyphd but I haven’t used it at all. I have another recent one but it is (for now) a sort of secret dairy log, sry!

20. is there anything people need to know about you before becoming friends?

I'm very demanding with myself. I don’t judge others easily. I used to wear my heart out on my sleeve but life happens and now i hide it a lot more. once I love you, I love you forever. but I will still need time alone once in a while, so i tend to disappear sometimes.

I think everyone already did this but I'll tag: @byuns-coco @xiuminscheeks @thedeviousdo @delhyun @yeolville @kyungseokie @bacon-notbaekhyun-jaehyun-mingyu @bikeryeollie @hkynm @guardians-of-exo and everyone else who’d like to be a little closer with me! (of course you don’t need to do this, we can just talk on pm ^^)

#got tagged #20 questions #lovely mutuals ♡#long post

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jamesvanriemsdyk · 4 years

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50 questions ask game

thank u @girouxes for tagging me ily

1. What is the color of your hair brush?

it’s blue and white i think?

2. Name a food you never eat?

im literally not picky at all except with textures so like. i couldnt tell u rn but if i ate something i didnt like youd know immediately

3. Are you typically too warm or too cold?

i am always freezing fucking cold and i love it this way

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago?

swinging i think

5. Whats your favorite candy bar?

3 musketeers lmao

6. Have you ever been to a professional sports game?

oh god yes lmao like. several. hockey and woso and basketball and baseball too

7. What was the last thing you said out loud?

“he’s just an idiot little rat boy” about remy one of my guinea pigs

8. What is your favorite ice cream?

strawberry cheesecake specifically ben and jerry’s

9. What was the last thing you had to drink?

water

10. Do you like your wallet?\

yeah its fine? i probably need a new one soon tho this one has kinda been through it

11. What was the last thing you ate?

some goldfish

12. Did you buy any new clothes last weekend?

no. god i wish tho. still recovering from the mold thing lmao i have like. nothing

13. What was the last sporting event you watched?

stars vs bolts game 3 but i didnt finish it. game 7 vs the isles was the last one i watched all the way through

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn?

salt and light butter lmao

15. Who was the last person you sent a text to?

@pattersonluke

16. Ever go camping?

no actually although we do go to the mountains a lot

17. Do you take your vitamins?

yes because my body needs all the fucking help it can get

18. Do you regularly attend a place of worship?

FUCK NO LMAO I HAVE SO MUCH RELIGIOUS TRAUMA

19. Do you have a tan?

yeah i spent a lot of time outside this summer so im still tan from that

20. Do you prefer Chinese or pizza?

chinese just because theres more variety

21. Do you drink soda through a straw?

no what the fuck

22. What color socks do you usually wear?

i dont usually wear socks but if i am theres literally no consistency

23. Do you ever drive above the speed limit?

oh constantly lol oops

24. What terrifies you?

oh buddy. everything lmao.

25. Look to the left, what do you see?

my nolan jersey and my yellow corner table

26. What chore do you hate doing the most?

the fucking dishes

27. What do you think when you hear an Australian accent?

uh?? steve irwin tbh lmao that man had such an impact on my childhood

28. What’s your favorite soda?

i dont really drink soda? but sprite i guess

29. Do you go in fast food places or just hit the drive thru?

i do mobile orders lmao i dont wanna talk to ANYONE

30. What is your favorite number?

12!!!

31. Who’s the last person you talked to?

like. in person? my father. but over text kait again lmao

32. Favorite cut of beef?

i dont have an opinion on this?

33. Last song you listened too?

currently listening to peace by tswift

34. Last book you read?

red white and royal blue babey

35. Favorite day of the week?

sunday because the vibes are always immaculate. no i will not elaborate

36. Can you say the alphabet backwards?

yeah if i like put thought into it

37. How do you like your coffee?

i dont drink coffee any more lmao but i take my tea unsweetened

38. Favorite pair of shoes?

my sparkly shoes!!!!

39. Time you normally get up?

5am on the fucking dot lmao

40. Do you prefer sunrise or sunset?

sunrise because i like new beginnings

41. Describe your kitchen plates?

theyre like. cream colored with a gray ring around the edge

42. How many blankets on your bed?

including the sheet i have three (sheet, comforter, flyers blanket)

43. Describe your kitchen at the moment?

always messy and always full of dishes to do

44. Do you have a favorite alcoholic drink?

yeah lmao literally any wine or cider. i love fruit

45. Do you play cards?

my plans for the rest of the night are to play solitaire and watch jatp again lmao

46. What color is your car?

“ice blue”

47. Can you change a tire?

in theory lmao

48. Favorite state?

ive only ever lived in delaware lmao but probably pennsylvania for some reason

49. Favorite job you’ve ever had?

the one i have now tbh. i fucking HATE my bosses but i love my coworkers and i love my kids a lot and im super passionate about what i do so

50. Tagging: @softgrantaire @pattersonluke and @farfrombucky

#pls dont feel like u have to do this fjkghjf i just keep tagging yall because i cant think of anyone else to tag #tag games #j.txt #personal

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fictional-worlds-are-exquisite · 3 years

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agajsksns not gonna lie being 10 feet tall sounds awesome. i have no idea how tall that is because the only thing i know about feet (that sounds so wrong) is that google is telling me that i'm 5'6 (sorry to disappoint). which is. average height right? well it doesn't feel like it coz my best friends are giants. they're both 180+ cm tall and they constantly make fun of me for being short. but honestly i win because i can always make them reach things for me.

thank you! that's very sweet, i actually only saw your reply like 20 minutes before the new year so it was right on time! i loved writing to you and waiting to hear back as well, you're a really fun person to talk to!

i know you probably won't see this for a couple of weeks before going on holiday, but have fun!

i laughed really hard at the picture my brain conjured up when reading about you dropping the vampire act and starting to pretend to be a mouse, just straight up scurrying up to the houses on all fours in a bathrobe is hilarious. i'd pay to see that. and yeah! me either. the number of times i've gone outside at night is probably like 3. that's counting that time when i went for ice cream at 11pm to the store on the other side of the street in my pajamas and then had to turn back because it apparently closes at 10 pm. that was a pretty big disappointment

a halloween themed birthday party sounds awesome! it's sort of disappointing though that you can barely remember it. the only themed birthday party i had (or at least the only one that i remember) was princess themed because i was on my princess faze back then (i was 5 or 6 i think). i still remember the sheer joy i felt at being able to wear a long fancy dress. it was brilliant

oh yeah! i'm still slightly scared of blenders because of that time. now anytime i even put my fingers close to the blade i unplug it first. also i saw you got a blender? i think we have one that's similar to the one you described. so i have a couple of suggestions! i like to make banana "ice cream". you just cut up a banana into pieces and freeze it, (i have no idea how long it takes to freeze i just generally always have frozen bananas in my freezer) then you take them out, let them sit for 10 minutes (to not break the blender when you use it) and blend them. i sometimes add frozen berries or peanut butter too! depending on what i want that day. it's great, especially because i'm slightly lactose intolerant too and i absolutely love ice cream. you can also make smoothies as you said. i usually put in mine whatever fruit we have, generally apples, bananas and oranges or grapefruits. or if i'm making one for breakfast (which i know you can't, but this is just a generally more filling option i think?) i also add spinach. you can't really feel the taste but it's supposed to be good for you and it fills you up more (it does make the smoothie super green though!). but yeah i pretty much just mix and match anything i have! also: milkshakes. ice cream, berries (optional) and milk! super easy and my little cousins love it when they visit!

ohhh your grater also seems to be out to get you. i bet it's really painful if it actually falls on your feet, because like metal. on foot. ouch. especially if it hits you with a corner! and i would definitely also get surprised every time it happened no matter how many times it did! bifocal glasses do not sound fun either tho. i would constantly forget how to use them and probably would just get headache really fast too! i get a headache from my normal glasses when i wear them (i usually wear contacts) so bifocal ones would be even worse i bet.

exactly. i had no idea what "hot" means. i thought you were supposed to use it when you thought a person was aesthetically pleasing? or like you thought they look cute? i dunno. i used it a couple of times before i realised that was not what that meant and then i was just like uhhhh yeah i'm gonna delete that word from my vocab. yeah! i think that ace and probably aro too are pretty hard to figure out because it's the lack of something.

ahahsksns i can imagine tiny Lindsey waking up on Christmas morning and running to the window expecting snow in the middle of summer and it's so funny! i can't say anything though because we have this saying in lithuanian which is used essentially when someone does something unexpected and unusual for them so you say "it's gonna snow tomorrow". as in "wow, [name] did [something super unexpected from them], it must be snowing tomorrow" (because like those are equally unexpected things i guess? but it's said in winter too so it's just something you say whenever, i'm sorry it's hard to explain!) but yeah a figure of speech. and anytime i heard that, even in the middle of summer, the next morning i'd run to my window and look for snow and when there was none, i'd just stare accusatorily at my parents. like wow, i can't believe you lied/let someone lie to me

horse races sound fun, i've never been to one though! and a picnic luch sounds awesome! i love picnics but we have them very rarely, i definitely think we should have them more often

and yeah, i get that acid reflux more of an annoyance than a problem but still! i completely agree with you about peanut butter though. it's amazing, i could eat it everyday

I know exactly how tall 10 feet is purely because I’m 5 foot so two of me is 10 foot. I barely know feet but I got used to people being confused when I was like oh, I’m 155cm! so I learnt what my height was in feet but I can really only visualise heights when I put them into centimetres. Someone can be like I’m 6 foot! and that’s great but I don’t have the faintest idea how tall that actually is. 182cm on the other hand is easy. that’s just like one ruler above my height. I can picture that. 5 foot 6 is probably average but as a short person, I consider you tall. That really isn’t saying much at my height but still sdflshdfks. Biggest benefit of tall best friends is indeed making them reach high things though.

And now we’re almost three weeks into the new year. Time seems to be flying this year. This is a very late reply indeed sdfjhskdfs. I did see this before I left but didn’t have time to reply, thank you though! I did have lots of fun. I had some birds try to invade the unit up in Orewa and I had a dotterel (I think) follow me along the beach at Ngarimu Bay playing some sort of red light green light game with me (it only moved closer and started following me again when I looked away) and I think a blackbird started some sort of mating performance at me which was flattering but uhhhh I’m a bit of a big bird mate. Maybe choose someone else. there was also beaches and gorgeous views etc etc but birds, y’know. birds.

i would 100% do that for money with no regrets. on one hand I could get a job and contribute to society. on the other hand I could do that as my main income. not a hard choice. hire me by the hour to freak your family and friends out. i have no respect for myself i’ll do it to anyone for the right price. damn. only closed one hour earlier. that’s a massive disappointment. i was out at night willingly for my high school prom and for a creative writing night at my uni and inside a car if that counts when I think my family was travelling back from the south island when I was younger. So three times that come to mind. Oh. And if stupid camp burma trails count then add a few times to that but those were not night outings I did willingly.

I can barely remember most of my life, I just assume it happened and I wasn’t just planted here at 12 years old as an alien spy. Anything’s possible though. I remember my birthday cakes more than my birthday parties to be honest with you. My mum always made the cake and when I was young she’d make fun designs. A bee, a bat, a swimming pool and a cat come to me off the top of my head. They were mostly just sponge cats but she cut them and iced them expertly. A princess-themed party seems like a very fun type of party for kids who like that. Kids always seem very happy to dress up in pretty dresses and cool outfits to attend those kinds of parties. I can imagine the joy. I know my little cousin looooves that sort of thing, and her brother isn’t willing to be left out either

thank god you unplug it first now sdfjhsdf that’s incredibly reassuring. Ooo thank you for those suggestions!!! this is great!! I was wanting to try something with bananas and that sounds easy enough. I had an apple and feijoa smoothie while I was away on holiday and all I want is another one of those. So I’m very very very interested in trying out fruit smoothies now because they seem like they can be very very tasty. Spinach seems like such an odd thing to add but I’ve heard that several times now so clearly it’s a thing. I don’t think I’ve ever even had spinach. I’ll keep it in mind though. I suppose if I just try whatever fruit we have on hand eventually I’ll get something that tastes good. I have dairy free ice cream and dairy free milk so it seems like this could work out for me in a way where I’m not regretting my entire life. Normally when I go near a milkshake I regret the day I was born.

It isn’t a super heavy grater but I have intense survival instincts every now and then so it hasn’t actually hit my foot yet. I go diving in the other direction. But I think if it did I’d probably curse a few times before moving on with my life. I don’t think it’d be THAT bad. But I live in fear regardless. oh no. do your normal glasses have a slightly wrong prescription or is this just a thing that happens when you normally wear contacts,,, I’ve never worn contacts because I fear touching my squishy eyeball and also I think my shitty eyesight is too awkward for contacts so I have no idea if that’s a thing.

oh yes haha hot has been solidly deleted from my vocab for many years except in terms of temperature. It has a word that has never naturally come to mind and I’m sure it never will. It just seems weird when I use it.

I was a fool of a child and absolutely nothing has changed there! I mean I know how hemispheres work now but I’m still a dumbass at heart. Hahahahahaha oh nooooo. That’s incredible but oh noooo. I get what you mean by the saying though, that’d make a lot of sense here honestly since it never snows ever. Locally, at least.

i think horse races are just a form of betting and losing money that is frowned upon less than actual buildings based on gambling and such. I mean I only ever attended those ones, idk if all horse races are like that, but I know there was buying tickets for whatever horse you thought would win, and if they did you got money, if they didn’t you lost money. I don’t think it was a whole lot of money ? just like a few bucks ? but maybe you could choose to bet more ? I really don’t remember how it worked, I just remember accidentally finding a ticket on the ground and handing it in only to receive some money because the horse won. I think it was like 5 or 10 bucks which seemed like a LOT to my kid self. picnic lunches are fun though. my family keeps a tartan blanket in the back of the car that we use whenever we have picnics and also whenever we get takeaways (we put it in the middle of the lounge floor as the rest of my family eats fish and chips and I eat sushi, normally). But we don’t have as many as we used to. They are fun though.

can confirm i do eat peanut butter everyday and it goes brilliantly.

#orewa is up near auckland kinda #i mean it's part of auckland but it's. auckland is just too big ok it's weird cities are weird #ngarimu bay is harder to pin down even google maps won't recognise it #it'll take you to thornton bay which is the next bay over #it's not far from thames kinda near the coromandel idk there's no big city to identify the location with #if you don't know what burma trails are they are just an excuse to torture children #ok not exactly but i hated them they scared the shit out of me #you walk through the bush at night blindfolded following a rope trying to get to the end #and you have to navigate around trees and over rocks and such #and teachers and parents scare you because they're bastards and possums MAY run over you #anyway they were awful imo #i've explained this before but idk if it was to you or someone else sdfjsdf my memory is shocking #also i cannot have grapefruit anymore and this is a terrible shame #thank u medications that hate grapefruit :)#i've been eating a marshmallow leg while typing this it's alarming how much i've gotten through #i like that they're called santa legs like children who wants to eat santa???#is it cannibalism is santa portrayed as human #technicalities are important here #uhhhh i mean have a good day!!!#Anonymous

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jbbuckybarnes · 4 years

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Zerfall - 8/14

Pairing: Bucky x named!Reader (Agent Andromeda) Summary: After Hydra drops virus bombs in 7 major American cities in the height of summer, the team is locked in their emergency bunker for weeks. The virus commonly called the Summer Poison successfully brought the infrastructure to a halt in all big cities. When the virus slowly starts burning itself out SHIELD Agents and Avengers are sent out to bring back order into the cities and the international relationships. Not without hurdles. Warnings for this chapter: Pandemic, crime, canon typical violence, flirting, picturing killing as a positive thing, weird grammar. Not beta read. **Image credit goes to Ubisoft.

Zerfall Masterlist || M a s t e r l i s t

08:00 - Morgan Library, New York City “Wake up, Buckaroo. We have another library to occupy.” you shake him awake. “God, this feels like the 40s,” he grumbled rubbing his eyes. You cleared your throat, “Good morning, Sergeant Barnes,” you climbed on top of him, “Breakfast ends in 20 minutes.” His hair was ruined three seconds later with a giggle before he grabbed you in the middle of your escape. “Way better,” he grumbled into your hair. “You like it when women are soft and you can protect them. I read you like a book, Barnes.” you grinned. “I have a metal arm that’s shielding from bullets. Of course, I like to be protective, Agent.” he chuckled letting you go and made a run for the food.

“Davis? Bucky?” The two men looked up to you from their food before you sat down on their table. “There’s a lower building across from the library that you could take a sniper rifle to. Sounds like a job for you both. I’ll go front and some of the civilians come from Bryant Park.” “You’re right. She really is a badass.” Captain Davis mumbled over at Bucky. “She’s getting the shit done.” He shrugged looking over at you with a smirk. “I guess that’s an affirmative.” You smiled at both of them before starting to eat your soup. “It is, General Andromeda.” You got a wink back. “If I get the paygrade of a General by the end of this I could get used to being called by that title.” You grinned wide.

Two hours later, after you helped the settlement to change their interior around in a more strategic way in case of an attack, you finally wandered towards the Public Library in a group of about 20 people with rifles and vests. “Groups of three on each side entrance. Two with me. Barnes on that building. Davis on that one. Understood?” you looked up at the circle around you. “Understood.” Came back in a choir. “Showtime, guys.” You grinned, picking out the two people to come in through the front with you. A guy with military experience and a girl that grew up in a forest, being perfect with knives. “Everyone on position?” You asked over the communication devices. “One. On position.” “Two. On position.” “Three. On position.” You let EADA scan the entrance area. Quite a few guards. “Wait till we go for it. They might want to escape. If there is nobody after I gave the signal you can storm in.” you told them. You looked left and right to your partners for the mission and each of them nodded. “Going in.”

You jumped over the car you were hiding behind and throwing a bomb with that momentum to land right in the entrance area. “Two gone,” you whispered before getting out your two pistols while the bomb exploded. The second it went up in flames you ran to the next best cover and landed a few good head and torso shots from there. “Wait on my signa-” You were choked from behind. “Whatcha gonna do now, sweetie?” A dark voice chuckled. You yanked your head to the side and felt blood on your cheek shortly after together with a thud behind you. Bucky. “Thanks, partner.” You grinned. “It’s what I’m here for. Always watching your six.” He smiled through his scope. “That sounds like a pick-up line about my ass.” You giggled. “That’s a talk for after the apocalypse, darling.” You got rid of 4 more guards. Your two partners of 3. Bucky and Davis of 5. “Storm in.” you called out kicking in the door that was mildly damaged from the bomb. Head, torso, head, torso, shin, head. You aimed up at staircases and made your way through the rest of the building. “You good? How many?” you asked the others. “Everyone dead. 3.” “Same here. 4.” “Two here.” “Skim through the entire building and make sure nobody is hiding,” you mumbled into the ear piece, suddenly hearing footsteps. In a matter of seconds you got out of your cover and shot the person sneaking up on you in the shoulder, after making sure it wasn’t someone friendly you landed another shot into the head. “Scum,” you grumbled, kicking him before ripping the dog tag off of him. You put your wrist to your mouth, “Eda, scan for important things. Electronics, important books to keep in an extra space, anything.” “There is a computer still up and running in the front row.” Came back shortly after. “Good.” After hacking your way through the computer without much information recovered you finally stepped out of the building again, seeing a guard still securing the front. “Wanted to keep that one for you.” You heard Bucky in your ear piece and smiled before sneaking up on the man and sticking a knife into his throat. There was a lip bite and a suppressed groan behind the sniper scope. He shouldn’t be turned on by this. He really shouldn’t. “Everything is cleared.” EADA informed you. “You can move in, Captain.” “You’re really something else, Agent Andromeda.” “I know.” You winked up to where he was positioned.

“God, I love that my favorite sauce comes in glasses. Apocalypse proof food.” You smiled over the pot of pasta that was cooking. You had made Steve’s floor of the building into your little area after the mission went well and you had reported to the others about the day. “Something that isn’t soup and veggies is the thing I’m personally more excited about, but sure.” He chuckled while nudging you. “I really don’t know how I keep doing all of this without getting stressed out by it, you know?” You smiled up at him while pouring the sauce into a pot. “Yeah. Guess you have a good motivation behind it.” His hand was on the small of your back. “Well, it’s pretty simple. I thrive on killing bad people.” You shrugged. “That is a little dark, but valid.” He scrunched his nose.

There were tiny lights throughout the city, but the sky was beautiful again. Not a single cloud. You had snatched yourself blankets and sat down on the deck overlooking the city. “I wish New York had days every year where all the lights would just stay off. I remember when the skyline had like 4 or 5 skyscrapers and you could still see the stars well in Queens.” “You took girls on dates there, huh?” You grinned over. “Yeah.” He smiled up. “Definitely better than going to the movies,” you commented before shoving the next fork of pasta into your mouth. “I just like the wonder in other people’s eyes when they stare up that the sky.” He said a little dreamy and you looked over at him with the softest expression imaginable.

“So, Rockefeller Center and Times Square tomorrow?” You asked after finishing your dinner. “Two control points in a day?” He asked back surprised. “Those are both open spaces tho. Come on, Bucky. We are Avengers and we know the faster we get that done, the better the snowball effect will continue.” You grabbed his shoulder. “Guess you’re right, Ann.” He gave you a lopsided smile. “C’mon. Let’s have a good night of sleep here and kill some of those bastards tomorrow to get your hometown back on track.” You gave a cheeky grin. “Don’t have to tell me twice, darling.” He said standing up and looking down at you for a second.

The next day was filled with two missions and a few more civilians fighting with you on the missions. You’d finally given them hope to get their town back. The Times Square area was full of food resources and antiseptic equipment. To your surprise the reinforcements for that base were not very intense and you had the base in two hours. “Build a few walls around it, have people in the houses looking down before eventually building outlook platforms.” You told the ones staying behind to hold the post. “The rest? We’re going shopping...kinda.” You chuckled.

The Rockefeller Center was a little bit harder, but still a 3 hour takeover with Bucky and Captain Davis on your side. “This is going to be a little bit harder to reinforce, but I’m sure you can find a few ways and a minigun to put there.” You pointed at a good spot and got salutes back. “Damn, I need a break now. And you need a bandaid for that cut.” You pointed up at Bucky. “That’s gone by the time you found one,” he said grabbing you closer on the walk out of the area. “Can I have some of that supersoldier healing?” You chuckled putting your arm around his back. “If I could give that to others, I would.” He laughed. “Let’s go home and watch something from Tony’s Blu-Ray collection.” You looked up. “How about...Star Wars?” He suggested. “Ugh, fine.” You rolled your eyes playfully and got a pinch into your side through the vest.

You started really appreciating the perks of this tower having power in the middle of all of this happening. You had the luxury to not only help friendly people with supplies, but you were able to live normally outside of your intense day job. “Rogue One is just the best.” Bucky mumbled with Chips in his mouth. “It’s badass.” You gave him a fond smile and he stopped in his tracks, eyes innocently going up. “You can have the rest, dork.” You laughed, boxing his arm. “If Steve would see this he’d give us the biggest monologue in history.” He grinned. “You’re eating on the couch and watching Star Wars in the middle of the apocalypse!” You said imitating his frowning face. “Imagine that in small and how hard it was to not roll my eyes every minute of every day.” He shook his head. “Small Steve would be a really great activist nowadays, I assume,” you said tucking the blanket around you tighter. “Yeah, probably. Turned into an idiot with a frisbee instead. Can’t blame him, he’s still a good friend.” He shrugged. “Vibranium arms are definitely better than vibranium frisbees.” You chuckled. “Ya think?” He held his arm out slightly before giving you a fake mad glare and a fist formed towards you. “You act all tough most of the time but I know that it’s just a front. You’re a softie.” You giggled taking his hand and felt the hand turn around and grab your hand. “Guess I like to scare people with my image.” he grinned. “Well, you’re not that anymore. You’re soft Bucky, killing the bad guys.” You smiled at him. “Yeah.” He stared back at you with shimmering eyes for a while. “Another movie?” You mumbled and got a nod back.

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spidney · 3 years

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questions to get to know me a little better

Pls don't unfollow me, I've been forced to do it by my wife

1. What do you prefer to be called name wise? My name: Sidney. Or any insults that I you can think of, all these are terms of endearment.

2. When is your birthday? December 4th.

3. Where do you live? Baguette land.

4. Three things I am doing right now? Reading a fanfic, trying not to fall asleep, daydreaming.

5. Four fandoms that have piqued my interest: piqued my interest as in, I just am approaching it while I don't partake in any way or like, I'm actually a part of it? If the latter: Marvel, Hannibal, Kingsman and Assassin's Creed fandoms.

6. How has the pandemic been treating you? Honestly it did not change anything in my life. I'm still a hermit and I've been able to write a damn lot during quarantine after not writing a thing for a year. I already live away from my family (by choice) so not seeing them is all the same than before the pandemic. I'm careful, even found a new job. So, I can't complain.

7. Song(s) I can’t stop listening to: if you knew me you'd know I listen to the same 6 bands and artists for the last decades so it's just the very same cycle all over again every few months. I'm back to listening to Evanescence lately so the song I can't stop listening to is "The Other Side" bc it's been giving me major inspiration for my long fic.

8. Recommend a movie: I'm gonna try to be original for once and say Late Night.

9. How old are you? Freshly turned 23 last week. Feel like 93 tho.

10. School, university, occupation? Once upon a time, a french girl was working in a bakery...

11. Do you prefer heat or cold? I WANT TO FEEL THE COLD SEEP INTO MY BONES ANY DAY OF THE WEEK RATHER THAN FEEL SUMMER HEAT MAKING ME SWEAT LIKE A ROASTED PIG.

12. Name one fact others may not know about you? I can only fall asleep on my left side. Idk why, I fall asleep in the same position every night.

13. Are you shy? No, just a very selective person.

14. Preferred pronouns: She/her.

15. Biggest pet peeves: When my wife insults British people.

16. What is your favorite “dere” type? Hmm no idea what that question means.

17. Rate your life 1-10? It's not all so bad. I worked hard to be where I am and to be able to do what I do, so I'd say a 6 or even a 7.

18. What is your main blog? This one!

19. List all your side blog and what they’re for: I have a writing blog that I just created a few days ago, it's still very much empty and I have to work on it. And I want to keep it private, so, sorry.

20. Is there anything people should know before becoming friends with you? I get bored very quickly, of people, of things in general... So if I stay friends with you, if I took a liking in you, it means you are special. I don't do acquaintances, there's just no in-between. You're either no one, or you're a friend, period.

Not to be "my wife this" or "my wife that" but it's her fault I did that tumblr question thingie so y'all can file a complain directly to her, love u @sfseiz.

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incensuous · 4 years

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50 questions you’ve never been asked

tagged by @queencestqueen thanks :)! tagging @ladysansana, @taaco-twin-time, @anisiscon, and anyone else interested!!! pls tag me so i can see

1. What is the color of your hairbrush? i have a few but 1 brown boar bristle, 1 pink tangle teezer, 1 white/rose gold round brush. i never brush my hair :-)

2. Name of the food you never eat? probs that fermented fish the swedish have

3. Are you typically to warm or too cold? TOO HOT, i yearn for the cold

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? playing rakuen

5. What is your favorite candy bar? probs milka, but if i have to eat american candy, a crunch bar

6. Have you ever been to a professional sports event? nah

7. What is that last thing you said out loud? something to my mom? about saving up for a house </3

8. What is your favorite ice cream? matcha or ube

9. What is the last thing you had to drink? chai latte

10. Do you like your wallet? yes and no it’s a sentimental one i got from when i went to germany to visit my friend studying abroad. maybe around a year after using it, some of the threads started coming loose which disappointed me. and the plastic cardholder insert is falling apart.

11. What was the last thing you ate? my mama’s lobster bisque <3

12. Did you buy any new clothes last weekend? no, but i have a TON of stuff to return

13. The last sporting event you watched? not a clue.

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? salted and buttered

15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to? my bff

16. Ever go camping? actually no! i want to try it once, but let’s be real, i’d hate it

17. Do you take vitamins? no, even tho im a pharmacist, i dont really believe in that stuff tbh

18. Do you go to church every Sunday? nope

19. Do you have a tan? lmao no

20. Do you prefer Chinese food or pizza? chinese food.....and also real chinese food

21. Do you drink your soda with a straw? no, i try not to use straws if i can

22. What color socks do you usually wear? black

23. Do you ever drive above the speed limit? i dont drive, so i dont :’)

24. What terrifies you? being rude accidentally, losing people i care about

25. Look to your left, what do you see? ..........my embarrassing mountain of shoes......... and my leftover bday balloon my family got me

26. What chore do you hate? cleaning the bathroom

27. What do you think when you hear an Australian accent? crOIKEY, yEAHR?

28. What’s your favorite soda? diet coke lmao

29. Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thru? i hate the drive thru, but i’d prefer to just order thru the app and pick up :-)

30. Who’s the last person you talked to? in person, my mama

31. Favorite cut of beef? filet mignon

32. Last song you listened to? music-wise the soundtrack to Rakuen, otherwise i think it was queen of disaster - lana del rey

33. Last book you read? oof it’s been a while since i actually finished a book. ender’s game maybe like 1.5 years ago? still have under the pendulum sun in my ipad oops

34. Favorite day of the week? saturdays, OR sundays on a 3 day weekend. unfortunately working tmr so :/

35. Can you say the alphabet backwards? lmao no, i’m just dumb

36. How do you like your coffee? not-coffee, as a frappe lmao

37. Favorite pair of shoes? really wish i had more shoes i like, right now i have these comfy white pointed flats

38. The time you normally go to bed? anywhere from 12am-3am lol

39. The time you normally get up? depends, anywhere from 4:45am - 8am, on the weekend 9-10am

40. What do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? sunset!!

41. How many blankets on your bed? three

42. Describe your kitchen plates. ... white, mismatched

43. Do you have a favorite alcoholic beverage? not really, but maybe something very fruity lmao

44. Do you play cards? no, i never really learned so idk any card games :(

45. What color is your car? dont have one :)

46. Can you change a tire? LMAO no

47. Your favorite province? ???

48. Favorite job you ever had? that’s hard, i dont ... like working so not sure if i have a favorite. maybe my first one as a summer intern. my coworkers were nice and it never felt toxic.

49. How did you get your biggest scar? i got hit by a car at 13 yo and broke my right leg, i have some scars on my knee and my ankle from where they had to insert some hardware

50. What did you do today that made someone else happy? not sure if i made anyone happy. i’d hope i did, but not sure

#mine #text #personal #tag #this was long id be shocked if anyone actually reads this #what if i made an incest shipping tag #would anyone be interested

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astoryofej · 4 years

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Quarantine Tag

Thanks for the tag @cancerbiophd! It’s fun seeing what everyone else has been up to.

1. Are you staying home from work/school? I’m home from school and lab, but I’m still going into clinic a couple days a week. Patient intake is almost down to zero at clinic, and there’s only a couple people in clinic working at a time, so I feel pretty okay about it.

2. If you’re staying home, who’s there with you? My roommate is here. We’re both in grad school, so we’ve both been home.

3. Do you have pets to keep you company? Noooo :’(

4. Who do you miss the most? My family and my boyfriend. I have seen my boyfriend, both after we were isolated for a month, so we felt it was okay to see each other. But I haven’t seen any of my family.

5. When was the last time you left home? This morning to grab breakfast.

6. What was the last thing you bought? Breakfast this morning, and then groceries on Thursday. I’m buying new running shoes soon tho.

7. Is quarantine driving you insane or are you relaxed? Um, I’m not really going insane yet, I’m very introverted and a natural homebody, so being home isn’t bothering me. But I do feel hella guilty when I’m not doing anything productive because I have all this time to do things.

8. Are you a homebody? Yes. Like, massive homebody.

9. What movies have you watched recently? I’ve done like three different Harry Potter marathons, I’ve done an avengers marathon, random parts of Star Wars, I’ve watched Upward, Secret life of pets 2, Far From Home, MIB (2019), and random other ones I can’t remember

10. An event that you were looking forward to that got cancelled? Basketball. All basketball. All baseball. The Olympics. Wimbledon. I miss sports so much 😭Also I had tickets to see Les Mis with my mom, that got cancelled at the beginning of quarantine.

11. What’s the worse thing you’ve had to cancel? I personally haven’t had to cancel anything. But I have things coming up in the summer that will likely be cancelled.

12. What’s the best thing you’ve had to cancel? I haven’t had anything that I wanted to cancel. However, my professors have been very accommodating and they’ve been giving extensions on assignments so that’s good.

13. Do you have any new hobbies? That’s cute

14. What are you out of? Ice cream. And Clorox wipes

15. What music are you listening to? I’m...not actually. I seem to only listen to podcasts these days it seems.

16. What shows are you watching? A LOT. So, I binged all of Kims Convenience, designated survivor, little fires everywhere, started Defending Jacob yesterday, and I’m now watching with Brooklyn 99. I need to catch up with Outlander. Oh, and I guess my normal weekly shows—911, Greys, Station 19, HTGAWM, Blue Bloods.

17. What are you reading? My mcat books lol. And my biochem book. And fanfiction, a lot of fanfiction.

18. What are you doing for self care? Keeping a structure and a schedule. Getting outside as much as I can. Seeking validation in the form of good grades and positive approval from professors lol

19. Are you exercising? I’m trying to run or walk everyday. And I’m getting back into yoga.

20. How’s your toilet paper supply? Lol, it’s good! I had actually done a grocery run before quarantine started, just my normal grocery run, and picked up TP as per usual, and then somehow snagged a last pack at target when I got back from spring break, so we’re good.

21. Have you made any changes to your hair during quarantine? I actually got a haircut in late February, right before spring break and quarantine started here, so I don’t need a cut. The dystopian novels were right about the hairstyles tho, my hair has been in a braid for almost the entire time lol. I haven’t touched a straightener or hairdryer in what feels like months.

I’m a couple days behind, so I’m not sure who has or hasn’t done something like this, so please feel free to take this as your tag to do this!

#ej speaks #journal #quarantine diary

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szappan · 5 years

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tag time, thank you!

Hello, I hope you’re all having a nice day. The things I was tagged in have clumped up so I thought I could just do them all now. Thank you to everyone who tagged me!!!

1. Diana @britneyshakespeare (thank you so much!!)

Rules: tag people you’d like to get to know better! (reading this i felt like one of those crying cats, im so honoured seriously thank you)

Top 10 songs I can’t stop listening to: this is actually very well-timed because i can actually name these and also @sastrugie tagged me in a similar one, thank you:

You Ain’t Going Nowhere - Bob Dylan

Atlantis - Donovan

All La Glory - The Band

Moondance - Van Morrison

Šlechtici - Golden Kids

Not Enough - FUR

Leave Her, Johnny - George Sneez

Be Bop A Lula - Gene Vincent

Series Of Dreams - Bob Dylan

Márti Dala - Pásztor Anna & Kiss Tibi

Favorite color(s): all but orange on its own. orange paired with something else is fine. it’s amazing if it’s obnoxious.

Favorite ships: two white cats they’re husband and wife, the coconut lorikeets in denver zoo and merthur

Lipstick or chapstick: neh

Last Movie: my brother and i watched Thor: Ragnarök again last week, I think that was it. I’ve been really trying to watch more movies lately, especially considering how it’s the primary art source of the era (not really but it is kinda.. what)

Currently Reading: Winnie the Pooh

i’ll tag everyone at the end of this, thank you!

2. thank you @smittyjaws and @savoy-brown-shoe for this tag from ages ago!

the point is that i shuffle my music library and list the first ten that come up

A 67-es Út - Republic

Death Of A Clowd - The Kinks (look at this babie)

Feel A Whole Lot Better - Tom Petty

Somebody To Love - Queen

Paintbox - Pink Floyd

Piano Concerto No. 1 - Tchaikovsky

No Time To Think - Bob Dylan

The Diary Of Horace Wimp - ELO

The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down - The Band

Oh! Darling - The Beatles

thank u!

3. thank you @thenesmith for this here very 7 questions tag! i love the format you did this in by the way and also @britneyshakespeare too!!

Relationship status: i’m not in a romantic relationship with anyone

Favourite colour: see above but i also realized that i really like that blue that my corduroy shirt is, it’s like light but strong and muted at the same time

Lipstick or chapstick?: no thank you

Top three ships: yuh

Last song I listened to: I’m listening to Help! by the Beatles, thank you youtube autoplay

Spell out your name with song titles: W - Wonderboy - The Kinks I - I Love My Shirt - Donovan L - Lod’ Do Neznáma - Tublatanka E - Everyday - Buddy Holly S - Summer ‘68- Pink Floyd

4. Thank you, Diana @britneyshakespeare yet again!

15 questions, 15 mutuals

Are you named after someone? I am not.

When was the last time you cried? Two days ago on the way home on the bus because I was thinking of a song that made me cry

Do you have kids? no thankfully

Do you use sarcasm a lot? I try not to

What’s the first thing you notice about people? Well, I guess at first glance I see how they look, but behaviour-vise I tend to notice how aware they are of their surroundings

What’s your eye colour? You know that post telling hazel-eyed people to shut up? Brownish-green. Totally green if the lights are right. Totally brown when the lights are not right etc

Scary movie or happy ending? Both can be good, especially combined

Any special talents? I can bend my left thumb in a way that it looks like my hand is broken

Where were you born? Right in the middle of Budapest in a hospital

What are your hobbies? Reading, drawing whatever i can, i guess music, ruining various pieces of clothing with various techniques, putting whatever spices i see in whatever dish i’m making, being gentle with my cat

Do you have any pets? cat

What sport do you/have you played? I used to swim a lot, even tried synchronized swimming for a year or two, then gymnastics when I was littol, then I took up karate and broke my arm three months in so I quit, I tried ballet too this year but that’s over now and I also did yoga for a few months so yeah these are the official ones

How tall are you? 5′4″? 164 cm?

Favourite subject in school? I don’t dislike any of them. I like English a lot tho

Dream job? shepherd. but a lot of people told me that i have potential to better the world and i want to do that too somehow but also if i could just focus on getting through each day not by making money but by making bread or yes, herding sheep, i would do that too.

thank you!!

5. thank you @thenesmith again! this is to post gifs of my top 5 favourite movies. (currently)

1. Spider-man: Homecoming

2. The Road To El Dorado

3. Labyrinth

4. The Rutles - All You Need Is Cash

5. idk Back to the Future

wuh

6. thank you, @siliconpine!

20 songs tag game

A song you like with a color in the title || Crimson and Clover - Tommy James & The Shondells

A song you like with a number in the title || Fourth Time Around - Bob Dylan

A song that reminds you of summertime || Mary Jane’s Last Dance - Tom Petty (obvi)

A song that reminds you of someone you’d rather forget || i dont think theres a song such as this because i dont like forgetting people

A song that needs to be played LOUD || Birthday - The Beatles

A song that makes you wanna dance || anything pink floyd because i came to the conclusion that you cant dance to pink floyd so i always want to prove myself wrong

A song that makes you happy || Happiness Runs - Donovan

A song that you never get tired of || Ophelia - The Band

A song that you would love played at your wedding || Light A Roman Candle With Me - fun.

A song that is a cover by another artist || Dream A Little Dream Of Me - The Mamas & the Papas

A song that you have sung as a duet at karaoke || none sadly

A song that makes you think about life || It’s Alright Ma (I’m Only Bleeding) - Bob Dylan

A favorite song with a person’s name in the title || Maxine - Traveling Wilburys

A song that you think everybody should listen to || It’s Nice To Be Nice - Pugwash

A song by a band you wish were still together || See My Friends - The Kinks

A song by an artist no longer living || Rock & Roll Suicide - David Bowie

A song that makes you want to fall in love || I Got You Babe - Sonny and Cher

A song that breaks your heart || You’re Gonna Make Me Lonesome When You Go - Bob Dylan

A song that you remember from your childhood || Egy bogár - Cseh Tamás

A song that reminds you of yourself || Friends To Go - Paul McCartney

thank you so much!

7. again by @siliconpine!! thank you so much

A This or That Tag Game

Honey and lemon or milk and sugar // musicals or plays // lemonade or iced tea // strawberries or raspberries // winter or summer // beaches or forests // diners or cafés // unicorns or dragons // gemstones or crystals // hummingbirds or owls // fireworks or sparklers // brunch or happy hour what // sweet or sour no // Rome or Amsterdam // classic or modern art // sushi or ramen// sun or moon // polka dots or stripes // macaroons or croissants// glitter or matte // Degas or Seurat // aquariums or planetariums // road trip or camping trip not a fan of either // coloring books or watercolor // fairy lights or candles

thank you!! i think this is it!

thank YOU if you got this far in, and I’ll tag @vanillatumbleweedscoffee @stars-in-my-damn-eyes @sneez @fancybasementfestival @kipland00 @dreameramongwildflowers @punkslap @rhapsody-under-pressure and everyone who i tagged before and anyone who wants to to do any of these tags as they see fit and if they’re in the mood or have enought time or are just looking for something to do

#tags #long post #i hope the break works

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regular-lord-reckoner · 5 years

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had just...a real shitty day yesterday

real shitty

i guess it really started sunday?

my mood pretty much just tanked and i was really stressed out and irritable

part of that had to do with me trying to get everything prepared for my classes monday, but i think it’s also just...bad brain in general

my mom helped me put together almost 200 goodie bags for my students since i had my last class with them yesterday and i like to try to give my kids something on the last day

on top of that i had to make sure i had all my paperwork and stuff i needed because we were only going to be doing surveys, no official lesson or anything so that whole ordeal was just kind of...a lot

and in general like...going to those groups is tough. it’s two schools that are like 10 minutes apart from one another and i go to one school at 8 am to do three classes back to back and then i drive over to the other to do my last four over the course of a few hours with just two short breaks crammed in there and even tho it goes by pretty fast that way, it’s still just...a lot (the recurring thought i’ve had on sundays now is “boy, i’d really rather get kicked in the teeth than have to go to work tomorrow!!”)

like i said, that’s nearly 200 kids to see in one day, so that means i have to be On for that many people, including all the teachers and other staff i interact with

and just...right fucking away, class one, i was like, “So guys, this is going to be our last lesson together” and some kids...cheered.

like...okay. ouch. it’s not the first time i’ve ever gotten that reaction in my history of doing lessons and some kids have straight up H A T E D my ass, but it never feels good to basically be told to your face, “Yay, can’t wait until you’re finally gone!” but i just kinda shook it off and kept going.

the next two classes after that were better, but i kept having to ask for kids to please stop talking while i was talking and to not work ahead of me on the survey and it’s just...frustrating to have to repeat yourself over and over and over and over and over and ask please guys, please we’re almost done. please just bear with me. over and over and over and over again. but they’re kids, so i stay patient and just bear with it

by the time i got to the second school, however...christ

there’s this one class in particular that just the entire fucking time has been an absolute nightmare and it sucks, because i could tell there were kids in there who wanted to participate and liked the lessons and stuff, but just...constant talking. constant.

and not just a kid or two, like almost the entire fucking class the entire time and i’m almost having to yell over them just to be heard which, of course, means that i have to end up repeating myself and instructions over and over and over and over again.

eventually i got the point where i was like, “guys, i’m going to be honest with you, i’ve brought goodie bags for everyone, but i’ve had to ask you multiple times now to please be quiet, so if we can’t do that i’m not going to give them out” (something the teacher in the room backed me up on)

and i even said, “i hate to do that, but i don’t think it’s fair to give you guys a reward when we can’t follow the rules”.

this led to a few of the kids being just...ridiculously disrespectful to my face and telling me to just leave, get out, that they don’t care, etc.

and like...listen. i get it.

i get part of why i’m doing this is that these kids have behavioral issues and likely it’s for some type of reason and i try as best as i can to be empathetic and not take it personally

but at the same time it also just makes me feel like a massive failure that i wasn’t able to help like...at all.

that this was our last lesson and i’ve got kids acting like that and saying that shit to my face. it sucks. it really, really sucks.

and again, i know it’s not likely personal. there’s nothing i’ve done in the entire time i’ve been there that’s warranted that kind of disrespect.

but it’s already hard enough for me to put myself in front of a classroom of like 20 some odd kids and to be treated like shit when all i’m trying to do is help

it’s already shitty enough knowing that some of the ones who “like” me only do so because i sometimes bring candy and that’s all they really care about.

and i get it, like...school’s school and lessons on empathy and anger management aren’t the most exciting things in the world (especially because i feel like i just wasn’t able to find any super interesting activities to go along with my lesson that wouldn’t have been incredibly disruptive and distracting from the point).

but again it just...takes the wind out of your sails a little bit.

that said, i still left goodie bags for that class, i just left them with the teacher and let her decide who should get one and who shouldn’t because i didn’t want to punish the entire class for some shit just a couple of kids did, but at the same time i also didn’t want to cause any more problems.

and on any other day i probably wouldn’t have taken it so hard and would have been able to shake it off a little easier, but because of where my mental state was already at it was just...tough

on top of that, i’m trying to get in touch with someone from my old work to see about doing some part time helping out over the summer because the other reason i want to find a new job is that this position i’m in is only a 10 month position which means i don’t get to work in june and july and thus...won’t be getting paid

and with all the medical shit i’ve had going on that’s just...not gonna happen, i’m afraid

the only reason i’m not just quitting right now and finding a new job is because i’ve already committed to a trip out of the country in july and i just don’t know where on earth i could get hired and already have a week’s worth of pto in order to do that

still, i am......less than enthused about having to go back to somewhere i really thought i’d never have to be again

y’know, the place where towards the end there i was having to lock myself in the bathroom and sob my eyes out for a few minutes before washing my face in the sink and going back out to sit at the front desk so i could check some more patients in while also trying to do 3 other people’s jobs at the same fucking time.

not to mention i...hate a lot of people who work there and have already had to talk to one i ESPECIALLY can’t stand on the phone when i was trying to get in touch with one of my old managers so...y’know. that’s gonna be a lot of fun for me. love that for me. because by the sound of it, i’ll be having to work with her again and i just...hate.

it’s also frustrating because i’m just waiting now for someone to give me a call to tell me what i need to do to get put into basically a pool of people that the company will call on whenever they need someone to fill in wherever and if there’s one thing i really fucking hate it’s waiting around for someone to call me when i have absolutely no idea when that’ll be

especially because when i talked to my manager on monday and she passed the info off to whoever’s supposed to be calling me she said i’d probably hear from her that same day so knowing that i’d be out most of the day i gave her my cell phone number, but whenever i’m at home i don’t have cell service so i’m like...shit, i hope she hasn’t tried to call me when i’ve been here at home

i texted my manager and let her know about the cell service thing and gave her my home number to pass along to said person who’s supposed to be calling me since i should be home all day tomorrow but still i’m just like...can i go ahead and get something set up or figure out what i’m supposed to do? because i hate feeling like i have to wait by the phone

but....yeah. needless to say, too, when i’m in sort of the worst of my mental shit i tend to be very, very mean to myself and about the only thing typically i’ve been able to hold onto is like, “well, i may be useless and suck at absolutely everything and ugly and boring and and and but at least i’m a good worker bee...” (which I KNOW isn’t something i should hang my hat on, I KNOW but it’s...all i feel like i have sometimes)

and so naturally whenever i feel like i’ve dropped the ball or done a bad job or i just...suck at what i’m doing i take it really, really, really hard and it puts me in an even worse place

but i tried as best as i could to hold myself together and rationalize with myself to calm down. mostly i just distracted myself and zoned out and i did end up crying real big at like 4 am (because of COURSE i had trouble sleeping) and that kinda helped i guess? idk

i did have a dream where i saw my sister again and i’ve had dreams like this before where she’s just...back? and it’s like i know she shouldn’t be, i know what’s happened and it doesn’t make sense, but that part of my brain that’s been waiting to find out this has all been a horrible, horrible prank i guess holds out hope for something like this and she’ll just magically reappear and everything will be okay again

and she’s always really happy and doesn’t seem to want to talk about why she did what she did, she just wants to hang out and i’m fine with that too, but in this dream she was like “we can watch some movies and i’ll answer all your questions” and i just started sobbing and hugging her saying that’s all i ever wanted and so...needless to say waking up from that dream and realizing it was just that wasn’t great either, but in a way it’s also just kinda...nice to see her again, i guess

i’d like to think that’s actually her visiting me in my dreams, but i’m not sure. i think i just had her on my mind.

when i was driving home yesterday and already trying not to cry a song came on shuffle that reminds me of her so much and i did end up crying by that point, but i was pretty much at home, so i wasn’t in any danger or anything

i dunno what’s going on with like...the planets or the universe in general, but i feel like basically everyone i saw on social media yesterday was just having a real rough one, so i dunno what’s up with that but today’s been better, at least

i had my rowdy boys group for the last time today even though i normally see them on thursdays i was afraid my doctor’s appointment would run over into our usual time so the guidance counselor was nice enough to let me come today instead so if nothing else like...i’m done teaching for the year !!! (and hopefully for like...ever if i play my cards right)

on top of that i’m also a little anxious about said doctor’s appointment because i should be finding out what our next plan of action is since the last surgery was a failure

i’m hoping for lithotripsy because i think my other alternative is them doing surgery via going through my back and i...............hate how that sounds, but i guess we’ll see. hopefully. i know they’re going to do another x-ray (yay, ANOTHER bill !!) but i’m hoping i can get scheduled for...whatever they’re gonna do that day

this whole situation has just been....obnoxious as fuck and i’m ready for it to be over and done with. it’s been like...two months of this shit if you count the weeks i kept running a high fever and nobody could figure out why.

i’m pretty sure i went to the ER on april 5th i wanna say? i’ve had a stent in me ever since then. i can count on one hand the number of times since then i’ve been able to pee without some kind of pain afterwards. i hate that i’m gonna have to pay for a surgery that was useless!! and that i have so many bills period!! and we’re still.not.done!

and no, it’s not like i’m in absolute agony all day long, but i still just want to go back to normal. it’s bad enough i’ve had constant allergy bullshit happening for about a month as well, like...this too, huh?

idk. i feel at this point like i’m just whining and whining and whining, but there’s just a lot of bad shit happening now all at once and it’s just a lot to deal with and i know rationally i’ll get through it and things will settle down and fall into place but getting to that point is tough at the moment

because while allllllll of this is happening there’s also some really stupid drama going on with my mom’s side of the family (specifically with her sisters) and we’ve somehow gotten dragged into it and the whole thing’s just a giant goddamn mess and is so fucking needless but there’s nothing we can really do because it’s not our issue, all we tried to do was help.

but because everyone is fucking incapable of being an adult and just saying what they really mean or communicating period it has to be this giant ugly thing right now where everyone else is allowed to beat up on people who aren’t directly involved and you can’t call anyone out on it or it’ll just make shit worse, but in a few months probably everyone will just act like nothing happened and everything’s supposed to go back to normal

but...whatever.

at this point i’m just telling myself an amended version of Justin’s tweet post election like... I’m just going to wake up and keep trying to do good in this world and nobody gets to vote on that. Nobody gets to have a say on that, not even me.

My mental health has been pretty abysmal over the past few months, maybe even longer by this point, and i’m fighting as best as i can and pulling myself out of every rut i fall into but some days it’s just really hard

i know the best thing i could do for myself right now is to start seeing a therapist, but here again...with everything else going on i’m really not sure taking on an expense like that is something i want to get into right now and for once this isn’t an excuse

i know i find a million and one reasons to not to do this, but right now i just have too much shit going on and too many balls up in the air i just...need to put a pin in that (and i know mental health should come first, but i do need to give myself a little credit here like...i’ve been dealing with this since i was at least 8. i’ve managed for 20 years, postponing this a few months isn’t going to kill me. especially because, not to be too morbid or anything, but.... even when i do really, really want to die i can’t do that to my parents. i just can’t. losing one kid to that was bad enough, i’d absolutely destroy them if i did it, too so before anyone encourages me to just make an appointment anyway trust me, i know myself, i can carry this weight a little bit longer)

i already have a list of other doctor’s appointments i need to go to after i get all this other shit sorted out as well so again, the timing just...could not be fucking worse, but i am finally at that point where i know i need to and i want to

i want to get better. i really do.

despite how miserable i’ve been and how bad things have been i guess if nothing else it’s pushed me up against the wall to where i’ve realized i can’t keep doing this and since i’ve already established dying isn’t an option i need to figure out how to be okay with being here

and the shitty part is...that’s on me. it’s not up to someone else, it’s not up to some time in my life where i’ll wake up and suddenly be okay, i have to do the hard work and there’s still a big part of me that doesn’t want to because that’s going to involve going through my trauma and BOY DO I NOT WANNA DO THAT but like...i need to

i’m almost 30 and i’m not saying “ohmygod, that’s so old!!” but like... i already didn’t plan on living this long anyway, but now that i’ve committed to it i’d really like to meet that milestone with at least a little bit more of a grip on myself (especially because i hear your 30s can actually be a pretty cool time if you let them, idk)

i also just want to maybe enjoy life? like truly??

it’s not that i haven’t had good experiences or made wonderful memories, don’t get me wrong, but...in a lot of ways i just haven’t participated in my own life and i’ve actively held myself back and kept myself down

i don’t let myself pursue anything that could possibly make me feel good about myself and like i’ve accomplished something because i bully myself into quitting or second guessing myself to the point where i’m an absolute mess and can’t enjoy myself

i don’t...like that. i don’t want to do that anymore. i want to be able to try things, to pick up a hobby or two, to find out i’m good at something or at least work at something until i’m good at it.

i want to meet more people and build new relationships and not even necessarily at this point looking for something romantic (because i need to get myself in a better place before i could even seriously consider pursuing that) but overall i just...i want to live my life for a change. i’m so tired of feeling like i don’t deserve it or i’m not worthy of it. i’m so tired of holding myself back and constantly tearing myself apart over every little thing and for no fucking reason. i’m tired of hating myself.

so...yeah.

this turned out to be a much longer rant than i intended but like i said there’s...a lot going on with me right now and i feel like i just need to get all of that out.

i think things are eventually going to be okay and i keep telling myself that maybe this is all just one of those times when things are really, really awful right before they get really, really good.

oftentimes with big change, especially positive change, you’ll find yourself going through a period of just...absolute garbage and shit and i’m hoping this is just one of those times and that pretty soon things will turn around.

for now i’m just trying my best to focus on all that i have to be grateful for because i know not every aspect of my life is complete shit so i’m trying to surround myself with that for now and keep my focus there until things settle down and i can get my footing again.

if you’ve read this far thank you, really. i know i’ve done a lot of bitching and complaining and i know it’s not just doing so for the sake of it, but like i said before, i know a lot of people are going through rough times right now as well so if you’re one of those people i just want you to know that you’re not alone and that things will get better for you, too. i don’t know when specifically, but i promise that they will even if it feels hopeless right now. try not to give up. try to hang in there. focus on the good things and the things you have to look forward to. and most of all, try to be kind to yourself as best as you can. i know better than anyone that that’s easier said than done, but still try. <3

#personal life ramblings #nothing serious just gonna vent for a sec #as always thank you for coming to my ted talk

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starchild--27 · 5 years

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85 questions

I was tagged by @kafkascupcake . This will be fun, so thanks ^^

rules: answer 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people

last

1. drink – water with lemon flavour

2. phone call - my hair dresser (if i ignore the fact that i accidently called my dad a few momnets ago when i wanted to look up my last phone call - ofc this had to happen xD)

3. text message - i told some kid from my spanish class tht we didn’t have spanish class last week

4. song you listened to – Californiacation by Red Hot Chili Peppers

5. time you cried - three days ago i think, but i waas at the verge of crying yesterday evening

6. dated someone twice? – nope. i never dated anyone

7. kissed someone and regretted it – nope

8. been cheated on – no

9. lost someone special – i’m so grateful to say that i never lost anyone in my life and i am so afraid of the day this will happen to me

10. been depressed - kind of. i have my depressed moments but everyone has at some point

11. gotten drunk and thrown up – never, i’m not drinking much

fave colours

12. navy blue

13. black

14. metallic shades of basically every colour

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends – i’m always careful with the word friend when it comes to my real life, but let’s say i got to know some people better that have been around for a longer time but i never really interacted with. on the internet things are a little different, so i can say i’ve interacted with a lot of people here and i can’t help but treat them as friends

16. fallen out of love – not in the last year

17. laughed until you cried - multiple times xD

18. found out someone was talking about you – i really don’t know and i hate that i can’t say this wouldn’t bother me because i really want to know what people think of me - just to be able to understand why they treat me how they do.

19. met someone who changed you - oh, i really don’t know. i think i didn’t change that much in the last 365 days

20. found out who your friends are – it was a little more than a year ago, but yes i did.

21. kissed someone on your Facebook friends list – i don’t even have facebook

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl – since i don’t have facebook i’ll do this for instagram and there it is probably a minority since i follow countless art pages, celebrities, fanpages, animal pages, political pages, people i don’t know in real life, …

23. do you have any pets - yes - a black cat with the name Black Pearl, which we gave him before i even knew about the song by EXO ^^ his name referred to the ship from Pirates of the Carribbean first xD

24. do you want to change your name – i did in the past, because my name is very rare where i live. but i started to like it after some time. the great thing is that it’s meaning differs since no one really knows it’s true origin.

25. what did you do for your last birthday - i invited my two best friends but one happened to be sick at that day (ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ) so we were only two but it was great anyway. since i was born the day after walpurgis night we went to the bonfire and spent some time there

26. what time did you wake up today – 7 am but i slept in again and got at 11:20

27. what were you doing at midnight last night – reading or sleeping, i don’t know for sure

28. what is something you can’t wait for – vacation with my family and the summer holidays in general (school was … much in the last weeks.)

30. what are you listening to right now – the sound of me slamming my fingers on my laptop’s keyboard while writing this lol

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom – i did, in fact to more than one

32. something that gets on your nerves – that i have to go to school for one more year (i hate this place wholeheartedly) but i don’t know what to do with my life after graduating

33. most visited website - tumblr and youtube

34. hair color – my natural hair colour is brown but i dye it ginger red and i love it

35. long or short hair – pretty long actually, but i have curls so it’s pretty hard to notice how long

36. do you have a crush on someone - if we ignore my celebrity crushes then … i don’t know…probably no. i’m not sure about this one boy though but…yeah, i don’t really know him that well and i probably only like the idea i have of how he could be. (this is btw so typical for me xD)

37. what do you like about yourself – don’t get me wrong, i know it sounds tragical and sad, but i don’t have something i like 100% about myself. i am used to it though because i’ve been this way since forever, having high standards for me (and for others probably too, which is very unfair from me) but the closest to 100% is my talent for music.

38. want any piercings? – only at my ears

39. blood type – A positive

40. nicknames – the most common nickname for my name is Selmi but hardly anyone except for my mom and my sister calls me like that anymore. other than that i have the feeling my friends and i don’t have nicknames but more like pet names for each other. like, i was called “Flauschebausch” (in english “Fluffpuff”) not that long ago (it referred to my hair). i would also count “squirrel”, “the stars” and all that stuff as nicknames but we don’t really call each other often like that in person xD

41. relationship status - single

42. zodiac - Taurus (but most of the stuff people say about tauruses are not 100% true for me)

43. pronouns - she/her

44. fave tv shows – lately i finished Game Of Thrones and i liked it so damn much, especially the ending (i really don’t get why it was so hated, but i’ll not explain further - i don’t want to write an essay here xD). i also enjoy watching Gilmore Girls from time to time, but hardly anyone in my generation knows it. and since i read it at @kafkascupcake ‘s post for this tag i just remembered how much i liked Memories of the Alhambra too (gosh, how i waited for every episode to air … i still remember this impatient feeling so well)

45. tattoos – i’m not allowed to have any yet but i’m thinking about getting smaller ones later since i think tattoos are pretty. buuuuut i’m also afraid because i can’t really imagine the pain

46. right or left handed - right

47. ever had surgery – yeah. unspectecular story tho.

48. piercings - only earrings but one of my friends and i plan on getting helix piercings soon (originally this was planned to be done before last christmas but we never found time)

49. sport – no no no no no. i hate it. i always did. i did some horse riding in my childhood but that’s it. i’m just not able to coordinate my body so a fail at basically every kind of sport. and i am easily frustrated when i fail at something so i never really tried to ace sports.

50. vacation – my last vacation was when i visited Berlin with my two best friends and m next vacation will be in Denmark with my family

51. trainers – Converse Chucks, always and forever

more general

52. eating – i used to be a very picky eater but it gets better with every year. lately i really like spicy food. but i also have a terrible sweet tooth. i am surprised how i am still like super slim …

53. drinking – a trait i inherited from my dad: i love milk. but i also like juices, tea, coffee (with milk ofc xD) and plain water too

54. i’m about to watch – Avengers Endgame. like today. in 2 hrs.

55. waiting for – my train ride to the next bigger city for seeing endgame. and for me getting an idea what i want to do with my life

56. want – to travel and to make music. my two passions

57. get married – i don’t think it’s necessary for a happy relationship but it depends on the person. to be honest, i like the thought of getting married but i totally understand if someone doesn’t like it.

58. career – the biggest question mark in my life rn

which is better

59. hugs or kisses - hugs. i can’t even explain why. but hugs.

60. lips or eyes - i thinj i look at the eyes first. but i am damned if a person has beautiful lips too

61. shorter or taller – taller

62. older or younger - not important

63. nice arms or stomach – yeah ofc stomachs are great. but let’s be real here: i’m a swooning bitch for nice arms.

64. hookup or relationship – relationship. i am a hopeless romantic

65. troublemaker or hesitant - i am an overthinker, which makes me the epitome of hesitant.

have you ever

66. kissed a stranger – never kissed anyone lol

67. drank hard liquor – only mixed with juice

68. lost glasses - yeah. wasn’t cool.bc without glasses i am literally blind

69. turned someone down - kind of.

70. sex on first date - no

71. broken someone’s heart – i hope not.

72. had your heart broken – yip. my first heavy crush was not that happy. but i am over it since the guy was and still is a jerk and i don’t even know why i fell for him anymore

73. been arrested - no

74. cried when someone died - yes

75. fallen for a friend – never

do you believe in

76. yourself – depends on the situation.

77. miracles - there are moments in which i do

78. love at first sight - yes

79. santa claus - no

80. kiss on a first date – yeah.. i think itmight happen xD

81. angels - who knows? it would be great though.

other

82. best friend’s name - deer of the sun @swiftfeatherscorner and cat of the moon @fille-de-janvier xD i don’t know if they’d like to have their real names published here but here you ahve their tumblrs

83. eye color - i looked it up someday and it’s called glasz - a strange mix between green, blue and grey with some golden dots and marks. depends on the lightning which colour is stronger.

84. fave movie – impossible to tell.

85. fave actor – also impossible to tell. there are so many good actors in this world

i’m not even sure if 20 people will read this so i’ll just tag everyone who has time to answer 85 questions xD

#tag game

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dreamingbrownie · 5 years

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Tagging games #5

I’ve been tagged by @fandom-glazed and wanted to do this anyway, so here we go! Tagging anyone who wants to do this ^__^ 1. what’s your favorite way to dress? Black all the way. I’m a fancy goth on the inside and trying (but most likely failing) on the outside. 2. If you could change anything about yourself, what would it be? Not to be so voulnerable to the people that mean a lot to me would be nice. Not getting attached so fucking fast. 3. What movie/game/etc. helps you calm down? I tend to love movies reducing me to a sobbing mess, so that doesn’t count as calming me down, does it? As for a series, I’m all for Merlin BBC at the moment which I watch unfrequently with @fandom-glazed on Netflix and usually laugh my ass off at Arthur and Merlin’s antics. :D 4. What does your room smell like? Dust, nailpolish, some tea and the slightly burnt smell of my old heaters. 5. Do you like to organize? Hell fucking no. I’m an ADD person, nope, I don’t. 6. What kind of music would you listen to if you could only choose one? German rock / gothic rock. Unheilig, Staubkind, Blutengel, Lord of the Lost, Letzte Instanz, that kind of thing. Not that either of those bands would ring a bell with most of tumblr users, I assume. 7. What song is your aesthetic? Oh man, making me choose there is mean. Ghost Love Score by Nightwish, Stand my ground by Within Temptation, Morgana by Lord of the Lost. Hard and heavy. 8. What color do you think goes best with your personality? Crimson like my hair right now, probably. 9. Do you believe in auras? Nope. 10. What do you wish you hated, but actually like? Ballet. To wish for having been introduced to how to ruin your body in the most beautiful way as a child is kind of unhealthy. 11. Vague about your crush(es) Valentin Winter / van Porcelain. That man. Go to his tumblr @valentinvanporcelaine and dare ask me again why I’m addicted to his aesthetics. 12. Is there someone you have mixed feelings towards? Yep. Not talking about specific people in my personal life here tho. 13. Talk about an AU or story you came up with Oh boy, here we go. If you get me started on my vampire novels, we’ll be here all day and I won’t even be half way finished. I adore my own characters to a decree that might be weird, I ship some of them and the main gay pair Count Louis and his life long best friend and personal vassal Chris, later Knight of Alderton, to death and writing anything with those two idiots in love soothes me so much. The main trilogy (A shimmer of Red, Black and Silver respectively) is huge (as in 200k for the first, 140k for the second and 110k as of yet for the unfinished third) but not finished yet, I’m almost there and would have been a year ago if I’d just get my arse out of the Fantastic Beasts Fandom and saunter off to writing my own stuff again. Unfortunately, Albus and Gellert own my ass at the moment and I’m overflowing with plotbunnies that won’t go away on their own. I know my mind. I need to write them all down before I get any peace at all. Lol. 14. Do you like makeup? No, not really, I like sharp-winged-eyeliner though. 15. Do you prefer space or the ocean? Ocean all the way. Space is fascinating and I’m a massive nerd for SpaceX because their projects are so promising for the future of mankind, but standing at the shore, being able to breathe properly again (asthma kid here, hi) and cry from sheer relief of hearing the waves crash against the cliff or roll onto the beach again is my life blood. I’ll have that next week again. Fucking finally. The sea soothes me so, so much and I suffer from constant longing for distance. We have a very fitting word for the feeling in German. Fernweh. Roughly translated to “I want to get far away from here so much it hurts.” Yeah, that’s the German language right there for you. 16. If you could pick any planet besides earth, where would you live? Pandora, probably. You know, three meters tall blue humanoids, a captivating nature, trees large enough to be a bother for the planet’s rotation, probably? Yeah. I’d like that very much. 17. What form of government do you like the most? (capitalism, socialism, etc.) I’m quite content with the German system of Social economy. Pure capitalism, socialism and communism are shit, don’t work in the long run and should just be abolished altogether. 18. What animal would you keep as a pet, if you could? Give me a black cat, please 19. What do you think our purpose is in the universe? To find our place between the stars, become a multi planetary species and to develop a way that’s not as destructive to the planet we inhabit. There’s a beautiful sentence that sums it all up in Interstellar from Cooper: “We might have been born on earth, but we don’t have to die here.” 20. Do you believe in god(s)? Nope. Atheist all the way. Before anyone misunderstands me, though: believe whatever you want to, I don’t judge people for their religion, it’s just so not my tea. 21. Is there a song you can’t handle listening to, even though you like it? Yep. Chasing cars by Snow Patrol. 22. What ex do you miss the most, if you have one? Mean question. I only have an ex-girlfriend and sometimes I miss her gentleness and how instantly she saw right through me, but she replaced me, we’ve been done for a bit more than five years now and I’m over her. :) 23. Do you like soft, fluffy blankets or rough/smooth blankets? Soft, fluffy blankets all the way. 24. What is your favorite thing to learn about? History. What do you think I’d study that for? :D 25. What country’s history do you find the most interesting? Man, that’s a mean one again. I’m pretty solid on English history, but I don’t know the first thing about Asian history altogether because german schools don’t teach that and we’ve got a different subject for Asian culture in university so it’s not included in my must-do-schedule too, but I’d like to learn more about it soon. 26. What do you think about genderbent ____ (insert someone here) Nope, noping right out, nopedinopenope, not my tea. At all. 27. What breakup was the hardest, if you had one? The one I had was... bad. Not talking about that here any further tho. 28. Do you have someone where you can’t decide if you like them romantically or just as a friend? A couple of weeks ago, my answer would have been yes, but I’ve got that all sorted out now. Not dwelling on it, though. It doesn’t matter. 29. What do you think about tumblr discourse? Ughhh. Exhausting most of the time. I loved the metas in the Sherlock fandom before it all fell apart and I like Fantastic Beasts metas, but people get so emotional so fast that normal discussions are all but impossible here. 30. What instrument do you wish you could master? Piano. Still salty that I’ve been forced to stop that as a child. 31. How easy is it for you to be honest? Very. I’m a very honest person and I’m shite at lying. 32. Do you have any strange interests? Fandoms, probably? xD I find fossils infinetely fascinating, anything conserning dragons (that sounds strange in context, I’m well aware that they don’t exist) and the way stars are born in large nebulas is something poetic to me. 33. Do you have any strange fears? Strange? I dunno, I’ve just about ran out of the kitched screaming at the top of my lungs when a fucking spider dropped ON MY HEAD yesterday evening, you tell me if that’s strange. Drowning would suck a lot, I guess. Anything that makes you suffocate. Nope. 34. What food do you binge on when you’re lazy? Toast with something on it. I did that in exam week last week, not because I’m lazy but because I just did not have the time or the nerves for cooking. 35. When you get angry, how do you show it? I go all quiet and drill my posture to absolute perfection until it hurts. You’ll notice when I’m mad. Seldom happens, though, I’m hard to offend. 36. Do you have any impulsive movements? (twitches, ticks, flapping, etc.) Picking fingers. Bad habit that I’m trying to get rid of. 37. What do you listen to music on? YouTube and Spotify on the PC, used my phone a massive lot for that during the summer too but now with all the layers of jackets and coats and such it’s a bit hard to stuff my large phone anywhere. 38. Are you left brained or right brained? Uhhhh what? I’m right handed, but I don’t think I have any tendencies otherwise. 39. Earbuds or headphones? Earbuds. 40. Do you like light blankets or heavy blankets? Light blankets for around the flat, heavy in bed. I’d like to be able to breathe.

#tagging games #tagging games part five #not hp

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midcing · 6 years

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okay so i have some New Kids.... they are all trash but some of them are trying their best which should honestly count for something imho... i’ll probably bring some more muses in at some point during this week bc i legit have 25 apps in my drafts right now and i just didn’t apply for all at once bc didn’t want to overwhelm myself... honestly tho? i want all the plots.... so like... pls like this and i’ll im you or come to me throwing ideas at my face so we plot and have some connections and threads ?? love my new trash sons pls ?? thanks !

JAMES WEST looks an awful lot like CHARLIE WEBER. HE is THIRTY NINE and while they’re LOGICAL, they have a tendency to get pretty CONTRARY. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to POLARIZE by TWENTYONEPILOTS.

inspired by ;; frank delfino from htgawm, walter white from breaking bad and jaime lannister from game of thrones.

a lawyer

has 2 daughters.

would probably start a war for both of them if they asked him to.

thinks his daughters are angels who can do no wrong. if he saw them murdering someone in front of him, he would probably come up with a reason why they were doing it and defend them which isn’t great bc they are both like wild kids who are not actual angels ( wc ?? anyone ?? i’m trash for families ngl )

sketchy morals at best? ? doesn’t think of himself as someone who would do anything wrong but if something wrong is being done for his benefit he is sure as hell not gonna stop it

got into an ivy league school because his father - criminal known for money laundering, corruption, and fraud - donated a huge sum of money to the college. will die pretending he got in on his own merit

the older brother of my character mark west bc i love families sue me

would probably google ‘how to know if i am a dilf’

says thing like ‘lit’ and ‘on fleek’ to relate to the youth

pretends everything is fine until it blows up in his face

wants to much ! a perfect life, a perfect house, a perfect family, a perfect wife, a perfect job ! pretty good ? nah. not good enough for james west. scratch that and start again. everything must be 10/10

wants to be everybody’s dad even tho he isn’t a great dad to his two kids

will make your life choices for you if you let him

will bail you out of jail but only if he is allowed to give you a 3 hour lecture on Responsibility

will logic his way out of moral conundrums

the kind of person that turns a blind eye to corruption if it benefits him in some way

tries his best, which really honestly can only be said about 5% of my characters, so i would give him some credit

if you ask him a question he doesn’t want to answer he will just straight up ignore the question and change the subject

feels guilty about the way his helps criminals and does wrong stuff for his benefit and the benefit of the people he loves but also doesn’t try to change

aesthetics — watching the sunset through the office window, loud alarms playing an hour later than it should, unrecognizable reflection in the mirror, child laughter and the heavy feeling of stress in your chest, hushed whispers of assertions amidst a crowd, old wedding rings saved away after the divorce, big houses and empty space, thousand dollar watches, the smell of jail permanently stuck to a three piece suit, painfully happy memories, ignoring the way guilt makes it hard to breath, arguing in a favor of a guilty party.

FRANK HAMILTON looks an awful lot like DAVID HARBOUR. HE is FORTY ONE and while they’re DEVOTED, they have a tendency to get pretty UNPRINCIPLED. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to SEDATED by HOZIER.

inspired by ;; hank from detroit become human and chief hopper from stranger things

tw: gambbling, alcoholism

a mess trying to pass for a functioning human being

he is a dirty cop that accepts bribes to let people off the hook and gets money from gangs to look the other way when he knows they will be doing something wrong somewhere bc he truly cannot bring himself to care

honestly i have no excuses for his behavior

has a huge problem with gambling.

born in kola. lived in kola for almost 30 years. moved out after his marriage fell apart, but has recently moved back

the kind of human being who thinks blood and gasoline are sexy

the kind of person that goes All Fucking Out for things and then when things don’t turn out exactly how he expected them to he makes a fuss about it and goes like “why did i even bother?”

will call you out on your bullshit and then act like people just throw shit at other’s face like that. stare you in the eye after exposing you and ask ‘what?’

says stuff like ‘i might be a shitty person but at least i’m upfront about it’ and ‘i prefer not to get involved in people’s lives.’

there is no such thing as a acquaintances. frank either loves you with all his heart and would kill a man for you OR he hates you and the fact that you are able to talk annoys him

you’ve heard of overachivers ?? well frank is here to present you A True Underachiever. he tries to do the bare minimum amount of work possible

the personification of /r/notmyjob

would probably go to an underground fighting ring for fun

channels his unhappiness into unhealthy habits. drinks too much, smokes too much. doesn’t do anything to change the fact that he is unhappy

gambled his marriage away by which i mean he gambled everything owned away and kept trying to find excuses for it until she was done and left . he still loves her but he feels like shit and he doesn’t wanna drag her back into his shitty life ( wc ? pls ? )

moved away from kola when his marriage ended and went to las vegas. lived there until he got in dept there too and he couldn’t find anywhere else to play then came back to kola

at some point was wide-eyed and hopeful and interested in helping people but slowly became unhappy with how he didn’t go anywhere, didn’t become better, greater, didn’t do more and then slowly things just went to shit

aesthetics — casual cruelty in the name of honesty, cigarette buds collecting on an old ashtray, crumbled dollar bills found between couch cushions, falling asleep at three o’clock and waking up the next day, bloody knuckles, handcuffs and police siren, the smell of alcohol in your breath at ten in the morning, unironed shirts and old cologne, knowing something is wrong but doing it anyway, ignored calls from concerned family members, remembering you have to do something just as it is too late to do it, the thrill in heartbeat when you land a punch in someone’s face, drunk steps stumbling out of the bar, begging people for one more chance.

SEBASTIAN “BASH” VANCOOP looks an awful lot like LIAM PAYNE. HE is TWENTY TWO and while they’re CHARMING, they have a tendency to get pretty SELFISH. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to PLAY ME LIKE A VIOLIN by JEREMY.

inspired by ;; hakeem lyon from empire and aaron burr from hamilton

that one sort of famous person that is always shirtless in other famous’ people instagram stories

treats people like things he can use and drop when he gets tired of

fake af. will say he likes you and then shit talk about you behind your back

that one person that goes ‘ooooooooooh you are gonna let them talk like that about you ?? ’ when other people are fighting

only wears prada chanel and gucci

can actually be really nice if you get to know him but how ? when there are three hundred walls up ??

thinks people are gonna take advantage of him or make fun of him so he just doesn’t trust anyone. can’t get betrayed if you never let anyone in right ??

doesn’t understand internet culture

was born in an insanely rich family. his father was a famous movie producer and his mother was a famous movie star. picture like spielberg as his dad and kate winslet as his mom

hates when people say like ‘Oh So You Are [ ]’s son?’

the first movie he was ever in was when he was about 5

he was in a bunch of movies from ages 5 to 12 but it was never really anything big. he was just the main character’s kid or that one kid that doesn’t get much screen time in movies like goonies

he never really liked acting but what else woUld he do ?? look at his family !! look at his legacy !! [ cue ‘wait for it’ from the hamilton soundtrack playing in the background ]

when he was 20 his father produced and directed a movie in which he stared. it was like his first Real role in hollywood action blockbuster. before the movie was out there was this whole hype about him and his dad working together and wow it’ll be awesome but it pretty much bombed. picture like After Earth bomb. everyone shit talking about him and the movie and how dumb it is on youtube bomb. the movie doesn’t get money to pay for itself bomb.

despite the fact that his parents said it didn’t matter. it was just a bad movie. everyone making fun of him and people shit talking about how he didn’t have his parents’ talent got to him real bad. he stopped acting all together.

his parents keep telling him to Do Something but he just doesn’t

is living in kola bc LA is a dumb of reminder of everything he thinks he did wrong

aesthetics — the blinding lights of camera flashes, the light feeling of being drunk, loud songs blaring through club speakers, interviews stopped halfway through, rude comments and anger, crowded parties in expensive summer homes, the overwhelming feeling in your chest when someone gets too close to fast, feigned charm and stranger’s company, running out of things to say after you have known someone for a while, wasted champagne dripping off a tilted bottle and loud laughter coming from the other room, the slow but continues pain in your heart that reminds you you are disappointment.

MATTHEW “MATTEO” DECKER looks an awful lot like JON BERNTHAL. HE is FORTY TWO and while they’re WILLFUL, they have a tendency to get pretty BLUNT. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to SEVEN NATION ARMY by THE WHITE STRIPES.

inspired by ;; frank castle from daredevil, frank castle from the punshiner, frank castle from the born comics series. ( they are three different people, fight me ) seeley booth from bones in season five

tw: alcoholism, ptsd, mention of army, and war

former us marine

mostly goes by decker. his family used to calls him matteo but when other people do it it’s like .. “no”

you have been heard of resting bitch face ? matteo is here to show you the resting i fucking hate you face

swears too much like Wayy too much

he can be honestly really fucking soft i’m ngl but then you gotta be that one person that breaks down walls and again ? who has the time for that ? in the twenty first century?

wants to take care of everyone but pretends he is not interested in people bc he “Knows” everyone is gonna die or leave so there is no fucking point

actually just pretends he isn’t The Absolute Softest for everyone and tries to keep them all at arm's length but then people say ‘hi’ and are nice to him and he is like ‘Fuck me now i like them’

can actually laugh and make jokes which is Impressive imo

but then goes back to being bitter and angry at life

too straight up about things : could heavenly benefit from learning how to read social cues

you have to Tell him things if you want him to understand it. you can’t go around dropping hints. he won’t get it.

drinks his coffee black and without sugar

enlisted when he was eighteen bc patriotism and american dream and red white and blue stars but then that slowly stopped being the point. then he was just doing it bc He had been doing that for years what else would he do ? and then at some point he just saw too much … and then when he was discharged he just Never came back

after he came back he couldn’t find a job and he didn’t know what else to do and he slowly started getting involved with shady stuff and now he sells drugs to pay the bills

disappointed in who he is right now.

he is honestly Trying his very best.

aesthetics — punching a wall until your hands stings and your chest doesn’t anymore, the pleasant light feeling of holding back laughter, completed tasks and unachievable peace of mind, low chatter in dive bars in dark parts of town, questioning your belief system, roadside motels and failing neon lights, moonlight coming through the bedroom window, leaving the morning after, combat boots, loud honking cars and shaky hands, fighting the urge to shove someone away when you feel their touch against your skin, quiet places and pleasant loneliness, old dusty books and rock music, waking up multiple times in the middle of the night, whiskey mixed with coffee

OCTAVIANUS BRUNO GENTILLE looks an awful lot like FRANCOIS ARNAUD. HE is THIRTY SIX and while they’re ROMANTIC, they have a tendency to get pretty UNREALISTIC. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to SOMEONE NEW by HOZIER.

inspired by ;; jay gatsby from the great gatsby, romeo from romeo and juliet, tom hansen from (500) days of summer, a slam poem i saw on youtube once

tw: bullying, mention of learning disabilities and stutter

romanticized every bad thing that happened in his life.

will romanticize every bad thing that ever happened in your life.

the kind of person that says “things happen for a reason…”

goes by his middle name. honestly thinks his first name is the Most Stupid Thing In The World if you call him octavianus he’ll be legit annoyed. kids used to make fun of him at school all that jazz. just call bruno

he is legit in love with italian culture and history. his father was italian and he just highkey Cannot Shut Up About It

art history professor in kola’s college

the kind of professor that just loves what he is doing… you know when the professor like kinda looks excited that he is talking or sharing knowledge or just talking about shit they truly like ? that is bruno

a nerd but pretends he isn’t

could not do a one night stand without catching feelings if his life depended on it

loves people too much too fast with all his heart

there is an argument to be made for him not actually falling in love with people and just with the idea of love that he made up in his mind but let’s get to that when we get to that

will spend the entire lesson arguing with one student about how inaction in our current political climate is just as harmful as supporting people who are doing harm when he was supposed to be talking about impressionism or something like that

thinks people have a soulmate and he is just trying to find his

100% not only Shows up to slam poetry sessions but Helps organize them

real political. the type of person that rallies when things are wrong and gets others to do it

has too many exes

posts pictures with his current girl/boyfriends on instagram and then doesn’t delete them when they break up bc ‘that’s who i was at that moment’

can recite poetry for you in italian but do not let him trick you. he’ll only be around for the honeymoon phase of the relationship then he’ll be like wow this isn’t perfect. time to end it

loves art !! all type of art !! is terrible at all of it : writing, panting, photography. but he loves it and he does it despite being bad and he tells people to do what they love !! and follow their dreams !!

his parents got a divorce when he was 7 and it was pretty bad. his dad was italian and moved back to italy shortly after. his mother was from kola and he stayed with her.

it was as if his world had fallen apart at that. bruno had never even seen his parents fight and then one day his father just moves out to Another Country he was pretty lost and confused

bruno moved back and forth between italy and the u.s. throughout most of his childhood and adolescence. never spending a lot of time in one place.

though his parents tried to remain friends after the divorce for his sake it never really worked out. his father wanted his mom back while his mother moved on and got married again.

growing up, he had a lot of trouble with accents and language. his father used to speak only italian at home. and his mother used to speak only english.

he developed a learning disability and a stutter after his parents got divorced

kids in school used to make fun of him. the way he talked and his name specially.

doesn’t stutter anymore but when he is talking about something that is hard to talk about, he talks really slowly to make sure the words come out properly

aesthetics — ukulele songs playing softly in a room with echo, piano recitals with ten people in the audience, walking around aimlessly, kissing greek statues, being happy that you are sad because it means that you are alive, cheering on others success, lacking ambition and living the present, old songs hummed in the shower, waking up early and staying in bed until 10am, cuddling under warm blankets, failing in love with a stranger, laughing loudly with new friends, white wine, beautiful paintings in an empty museum, admiring something for way too long,

ANTHONY MILLER looks an awful lot like JOSH DALLAS. HE is THIRTY NINE and while they’re PATIENT, they have a tendency to get pretty SELF-RIGHTEOUS. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to JACKIE AND WILSON by HOZIER.

inspired by ;; prince charming from once upon a time, ned stark from game of thrones, bob belcher from bob’s burgers

tw: cancer

cannot talk about his feelings . cannot accept his own mistakes . cannot show weakness . at any point. no matter the subject . cannot let anyone take care of him.

Must be the best at all times for everyone and take care of everyone

self-care is a myth anthony does not believe in

works too much

he needs glasses to read stuff but he pretends he doesn’t so he does that squinting and pulling things close to his face thing. at which point you would probably ask ‘anthony if you don’t want to wear glasses wouldn’t it be easier ? to just ? wear contact lenses ?’ and yes it would it definitely would but anthony likes to make things harder for himself

slow to anger but he has that temper that you literally cannot see coming. he looks serious and stoic and then wow thunderfucking storms breaking chairs and stuff

loves beers and american football

the type of person that says this generation is lost

might smoke too much but he doesn’t talk about that

he doesn’t talk about anything actually

although i love him with all my heart. i would not rec

there is a right way to do stuff and anthony as the holder of all the knowledge and morality Must tell you about it

rarely ever smiles bUT when he does ? smiles like a prince. if we had a royal verse he’d be the king of the entire universe honestly.

he was a oldest child in a family of 7. his parents were super wealthy and he was the One favorite child who both parents used to love and cherish and cheer on.

he got his high school sweetheart pregnant. his parents didn’t want him to marry her bc she was Poor and Not up to standards but he chose love over his family and got disowned for that. hasn’t talked to his family since

his dream life was always to have the perfect picket fence house and american dream type of family. it was supposed to be him, his wife, his son and maybe some day he would have a daughter and it would Be great

he and his wife had a son and they named him hendrix bc she loved rock and jimi hendrix and he loved the name even tho he never liked rock. but honestly ? he was so weak for her he would have loved the name lkgjdflajf if she suggested it

a few months after their first son was born tho she was diagnosed with cancer and a few months later she passed away

after that he raised his son by himself. he really threw himself into it. spent most of his life focused on it and work and now his son is going to college and he doesn’t know what to do with himself

the only person he ever Truly dated was his wife and then he just focused on his son and raising him so he never really allowed himself to date bc then he would have to introduce someone else to his son’s life and all that … sO anthony is usually all cool and fine and then you show romantic interest in him and there is like a visible shift ya know? like he goes from anthony to a truly profoundly awkward person trying to pretend it’s cool

aesthetics — organized work tables, color coded to-do lists, trying your very best at all times, mental exhaustion showing through physical symptoms, dad jokes and laughing by yourself, the smell of new books, comfort found in old libraries, forgetting your reading glasses at home, losing your temper and breaking something, old family photos lost somewhere in the attic, pushing someone else on a swing, sundays afternoons lost at the park, working extra hours instead of going home, cold breeze and hugging yourself to your jacket, trying to explain to someone why they are wrong when they don’t want to listen

#fckit:intro #okay i know some of those got really big but i have already played all of them somewhere else at some point so like #i had already developed them a bit

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