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vadlings · 4 months

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Represention of Autistic Frustration in Laios Dungeon Meshi

Like many other autistic people, I related strongly to Laios Touden while reading Dungeon Meshi. This post isn't going to spend time disputing whether he displays autistic traits or not—while I could do that, I want to focus on why specifically his portrayal struck a chord with me in a way the writing of most other autistic-coded characters has not.

Disclaimer: as the above suggests, this post is strongly informed by my own experiences as an autistic person, as well as the experiences of my neurodivergent friends with whom I have spoken about this subject. I want to clarify that in no way am I asserting my personal experience to be some Universal Autistic Experience. This post is about why Laios' character feels distinct and significant to me in regard to autistic representation, and while I'm at it, I do feel that I have interesting things to say about autistic representation in media generally. This also got a bit long, so I'm sticking it under a read more. Spoilers for up to the end of chapter 88 below.

The thing that stands out most to me in regard to Laios' characterisation is the open anger he displays when someone points out his inability to read other people. This comes up prominently in his interactions with "Shuro" (Toshiro Nakamoto):

The frustration pictured above (Laios continuing to physically tussle with Toshiro, using crude language toward him) becomes even more notable when you remember that this is Laios, who, outside of these interactions, is not easily fazed and often exists as a lighthearted contrast to the rest of the cast. Then we get to Laios' nightmare.

In Falin's words: "Nightmares love emotional wounds. Wounds you hold in your heart. Things that give you stress, or things that were traumatic for you. They aggravate memories like that and cause the dreamer to have terrible dreams." (chapter 42, page 10.) (damn. i'm properly citing for this post and everything.)

Thus, Laios' nightmare establishes an important fact: even if he is unable to recognise social blunders while he's making them, he's at least subconsciously aware that other people operate on a different wavelength to him, and that he's an outsider in many of his social circles (both past and present). His dream-father's disparaging words stress the impact this has had upon his ability to live up to the expectations set out for him, and we also get a panel of kids who smirk at him (presumably former bullies to some degree). Toshiro's appearance only hammers home how much Laios is still both humiliated and angered by his misunderstanding of their relationship.

I've thought a lot about anger as concomitant to the autistic experience. When autistic representation portrays ostracization, it's generally from an angle of the autistic character being upset at how conforming to neurotypical norms doesn't come easily to them; as a result, they express a desire to 'get better' at meeting neurotypical standards, a desire to become more 'normal' (whether the writing implies this is a good thing or not). In contrast, not once does Laios go, "I need to perform better in my social interactions, and try to care less about monsters, because that's what other people find weird." His frustration is directed outward rather than inward, and as a result, it's the people around him who are framed as nonsensical.

The Winged Lion starts delineating Laios' anger, and Laios' reaction is to think to himself, "It can sense all my thoughts, huh?" (chapter 88, page 16.) This is the scene that really resonated with me. I'm not saying I have never felt the desire to conform to neurotypical norms that is borne from insecurity, but primarily, I know that I don't want to work toward becoming 'normal'—I don't want to change myself for people who follow rules I find nonsensical. It's the difference between, "Oh god, why can't I get it," and, "WHY CAN'T YOU GET IT?" (phrasing here courtesy of my friend Miles @dogwoodbite). And for me personally, Dungeon Meshi is the first time I've seen this frustration and the resultant voluntary isolation from other people portrayed in media so candidly. Laios' anger is not downplayed or written to be easily palatable, either.

The culmination of Laios' frustrations in this scene wherein we learn that Laios has fantasised about "a pack of monsters attacking a village" drives home just how alienated he really feels. I need not go into his wish to become a monster himself, redolent of how many autistic people identify/have identified with non-humans to some degree as a result of a percieved disconnect from society (when I was younger, I wanted to be a robot. I still kind of do.)

Obviously, wishing death upon other people is a weighty thing, but the unfiltered nature of this page is what deeply resonated with me. The Winged Lion is laying Laios' deepest and most transgressive desires bare, and they are desires that are a product of lifelong ostracization by others (whether intentional or unintentional). This is the brand of anger I'm familiar with, and that my neurodivergent friends express being familiar with, but that I haven't seen portrayed in writing so explicitly before—in fact, it surprised me because most well-meaning autistic representation I've experienced veers toward infantilisation in trying make the autistic character's struggles easy for neurotypicals to sympathise with.

Let's also not neglect the symbolism inherent to Laios' daydream. "A pack of monsters attacking a village". Functionally, monsters are Laios' special interest—he percieves everything first and foremost through his passion for monsters. His daydream of monsters attacking—killing—humans, is fundamentally a daydream of the world he understands (monsters) overthrowing the world that is so illogical to him, that has repeatedly shunned him (other people). I joked to my friends that it's an autistic power fantasy, and it actually sort of is. And in it, his identity is aligned with that of the monsters, while his anger manifests in a palpable dissociation from the rest of humanity. This is one manga page. It's brief. It's also very, very raw to me. I think about it often.

To conclude, I love Laios Dungeon Meshi. This portrayal of open frustration in an autistic character meant a lot to me, and I hope I've sufficiently outlined why. Also, feel free to recommend media with autistic representation in the notes if you've read this far—I would really like to see if there is more of this nature. Thank you for reading. I'm very tired and should probably sleep now.

#dungeon meshi #dunmeshi #laios touden #shuro #toshiro nakamoto #the winged lion #autistic #autism #clay writes #i GUESS #this was so spur of the moment. im so busy right now i dont have time to be analysing laios touden #i wuont angry autistic rep..

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fumifooms · 3 months

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Laios Touden and autism; admiring the non-human

Do you think people exaggerate when they scream about Laios being autistic? Do you feel like it’s weird that so many people including autistics are so set on Laios, the problematic (but incredible and kind) king TM, being the most autistic that has ever autisticed? Why do we cheer on autistic people wanting to be monsters?? Isn’t that weird?

Well, of course it depends on the way it’s done, it can be done quite offensively, but long story short Kui blew it out of the park. The thing is, autistic people really do like monsters and animals and robots. Nonhuman does not mean subhuman, it just means Other. Feeling a connection with them has been shown to be an extremely common autistic experience for that very reason.

Because some people don’t understand why we autistic Tumblr Laios stans cheer “autism! Autism!” whenever he talks about monsters and feeling alienated to humans so! Here’s a post about how yes even research papers are analyzing the special connection we form with animals. I’m not even joking but Laios Touden & the mass cries of relatability with autistic people he gets and all the love for him could be used as study material and evidence for future papers because the link is that strong. Oh also I think it’s notable that being autistic and undiagnosed vs diagnosed makes a huge difference. In my experience as someone who was undiagnosed up until 18, it’s even more alienating to not know that there’s a reason why you’re different, being gaslit that you’re ‘normal’ and you just need to try harder and get with the program, etc. Personally when getting diagnosed I went through the 5 stages of grief because the thought of having been fundamentally different all your life (a difference which you will never be able to change) and mistreated for it when you weren’t “wrong” all along makes you unload all the anger and sadness and loneliness and sheer trauma you’ve built up over time. Like it’s world shattering.

So! Back to seeing dogs as family. Also I implore you to value experiential evidence when it comes to autism and other neurodivergences because brains are complicated and neurotypicals not being able to understand us well even with scientific research is like, a whole thing even though we’re right there speaking about how we feel and being right every time because the topic is literally us and how we experience the world.

Disclaimer for this whole post that, of course, no group is a monolith and everyone has different experiences or can diverge from the norm of the group, and that doesn’t diminish the validity of either side! Like, I know autistic people who have trauma with dogs and hate them. But, trends do happen, and in this case... Autism is very “My experiences with humans make me feel dehumanized in a bad and lonely way so instead I’ll dehumanize myself in a good and inspiring way”.

“I was treated like a failed human my entire life and you’re surprised that my response was to become a dog.” -Patricia Taxxon

It’s literally well recorded that autistic people relate to animals more than humans globally. With this post, besides spreading autistic Laios truthism and explaining why the portrayal hits so deep for so many, I want to show in what way this is a very specific experience and not looking at his character through an autistic lense really misses a lot of why he’s everything that he is. (Tacking allegedly onto here for legal reasons, different interpretations are valid etc etc /gen). This honestly isn’t super long though.

To define an important term, anthropomorphism in the studies and in this post means to attribute human traits to the nonhuman, which not only includes anthro furry designs but also animals irl, inanimate objects, and animated media as opposed to live action, to humanize them and empathize with them.

Paper: https://www.liebertpub.com/doi/10.1089/aut.2019.0027

“Dogs taught me how to hunt and socialize and work in groups”, Laios having internalized body language... So real so real. I, too, make a great dog impression. And I want to emphase the part that it helps greatly develop a sense of emotions and relationships! For Laios, he didn’t get along with kids his age, it was him, Falin and the dogs against the world. Since it’s a group of dogs too, it taught him group dynamics and social hierarchies (like with Falin being considered as being below the dogs in authority according to the dogs rip), and the importance of group coordination when hunting.

For me, I cannot like, concisely explain just how much animals were important to me developmentally. I also grew up with dogs, but like I vividly remember encounters with like hamsters as well just radically shaping my understanding of boundaries, the importance of giving something space and the way you interact with them and respect their side of it. Unlike humans they don’t really mask how they feel, it’s direct cause-effect reaction and data gathering. There are no words involved, so the focus on having a perfect phrasing and tone is gone, leaving just pure interactions.

There’s also no reason to mask how you feel either, and you don’t have to feel silly over wanting to form a connection and it showing, what, is the dog gonna laugh at you because you obviously want to make friends with it? Toshiro or Kabru might, but dogs and cats will just tell you to fuck off and leave it there worst case scenario. I often say that I think one reason Marcille is special to Laios and he feels comfortable around her is because she emotes INTENSELY, she gestures, she puts her whole body into it, her facial expressions are pretty exaggerated and her ears even emote too- like with a dog’s ears!

I think there’s def also things to be said about how he gravitated towards Izutsumi at first, all excited, was eager to sleep in the same bed as her, but in the Izutsumi sleep rating chart we see they really just casual and chill so it’s not a Laios talking to Shuro deep into the night situation just a “I like sleeping besides animals” situation and that is enough to hype him up. I love how he pet her in the extra about why Chil let her sleep with him too. He’s just so transparently eager to befriend her, even if in the end they weren’t all that compatible and he accepted that.

There are honestly so many examples I could give for this. Like Grandin the famous cow lady.

More about autism & empathy:

https://www.spectrumnews.org/news/double-empathy-explained/ (Also mentions a study in which groups of autistic, allistic then a mixed group played a game of telephone and both singular groups had similar levels of information retention, but the mixed group was significantly worse. As an autistic person yeah duh, obviously autistic people are different from one another and can have plenty of interpersonal issues, but communicating with other neurodivergent people feels pretty intuitive and straightforward and comfortable. One of the reasons why neurodivergent people tend to naturally gravitate towards each other I suppose.)

^ Paper: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5932358/ For good, extensive summary of why we relate to animals so much you can go to the “anthromorphizing and asd” section of the paper. This paper extends to our widespread liking of cartoons and robots as well. Ok so this is a whole thing I won’t get into here but this is a big reason why a lot of autistic people are agender leaning as well. Genders and queerness in general is a lot about social constructs, and being queer is being marginal to these, not fitting into boxes or challenging those social norms and conventions. Queerplatonic relationships are a great example of this, where the framework of the relationship is platonic but the intangible nature of what it is exactly is the point, not familial not anything but everything at once too, just adoration, I like to say having pets is a bit like it as well, bc obvi it’s not romantic and often not fully familial, very platonic but also sooo much cuddling and adoration and kissing and whatnot that you wouldn’t typically do with a friend or family member. I’ll talk about qpr and labels another day though.

I got carried away but queerness in Dunmeshi is something I 100% want to make a big post on one day. Experiencing the world with different guidelines and not registering things to have the same boxes, sigh. Personally I also relate to Laios on a gender level, “cis by default because I don’t care all that much but if I were to dig deeper I’m probably otherkin and I want to be socially associated with traits of monsters and animalistic rather than man/woman” sighh hard to be a cryptid in this day and age. I wish we had a term like furry but for monsters, I want to be in the fantasy or folk tale genre ty, like changelings. Goshh changelings... You know, the irl myth where people said their neurodivergent kids were fairies’ children instead of human. Diminished physical sense of self means I see myself as some unknowable black void aesthetic wise, but like in a way that simultaneously makes me feel seen. Like becoming a monster, losing your sense of self but also somehow just being simplified and seen for what you are, it’s weird to try and explain. This post is more about relating to the nonhuman than about seeing yourself as such, but like connect the dots right, that IS an important point of Laios’ character. It’s because our brains literally work different than allistics which makes us feel as other, but also because of social ostracization and functioning in a different way than society at large, living in the margin of society, being weird and non-conforming.

Meanwhile, animals and social norms... Like ok, showing your neck and rolling on the ground to show that you’re friendly and harmless and play biting might not be proper. But have you considered that it’s also fun and feels very intuitive. Play with a dog in the dog’s way I promise it is so nice and freeing. Play tug of war and growl back when they growl. Hiss at your cat to tell them they do something wrong, engage with them on their level.

Autism made social life hard, but it made animals easy. Do you have anyyy idea how good it feels to mask all day every day and feel constantly misunderstood or like you’re doing a performance but then you can just, drop all of that in the company of animals and they understand you. They understand you. You form an understanding and rapport so easily.

And this whole thing with Laios is so explicit too, with the Winged Lion saying “You’re sick and tired of the human world”. Notice the choice of words. Sick and tired of the human world. Exhausted from the constraints, sick of the mind games. It really isn’t as much about loving monsters as it is about loving the nonhuman. Relating to them because you feel that you can actually understand how they work and think, and feeling like they could understand you back as well. Animals are safe.

Like I could go on about how Laios admiring even just demi-humans like orcs is because they’re socially seen as non-humans more than any true physical thing, that they’re not bound by human society and its rules and live with their own lifestyle. But it would deal myself 1000 points of psychic damage and I am not ready to cry today. It’s idealization 100%, and like, Laios DOES want to be treated as human, to be valued, but it feels like an unreachable thing meanwhile becoming a monster is instant gratification and freedom and a sense that now no one will be able to hurt you in a way that reaches you, never again shall you be defenseless, and then if people dehumanize you then that only strengthens your sense of identity as a monster and UGHH ugh ugh.

And like. This post is a mess at this point but if you want to kinda delve into the more “why” then I recommend this Patricia Taxxon video essay. It starts out on a very different topic, but it’s all about autism and finding comfort in the inhuman. Long story short is othering made us like this also animals are just simpler to intuitively get along with.

So when I post this

I mean it. I really mean it when I say he’s me. I have never felt so seen. So many conflicting emotions all wrapped so concisely yet so intangibly woven into the whole storyline so subtly.

Not being depicted as a monster of an human being for feeling/having felt that way?? The manga understands you. The world can understand you. Other humans can understand you. You can bond with them. You can. And I think that’s a big part of Dungeon Meshi too- Laios opening up to others about how he really is and his interests, and all the bumps on the way but how it was the only way to truly get to know each other and bond. With the climax being Laios confronting head on his complex with monsters and humans, and his monster-loving side and animalistic side being exactly what saves the whole world, what saves humanity. Because Laios does value his friends, does think humanity has beautiful sides to it, he wants to help it thrive and eat and become more accepting, carving out a kingdom for misfits and demi-humans. At the end of it, transforming into a monster and being free is a daydream fantasy, and the reality of it is that Laios does belong in the world as he is, and does receive and give out love.

If you enjoyed this you’ll probably like some of my other Laios analysis! Here’s an analysis of his succubus and what it says about his relationships with other humans. And here’s an analysis about his relationship with Shuro from his perspective.

#dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #laios touden #character analysis #i guess #dungeon meshi manga spoilers #spoilers #autistic laios touden #asd #autism representation #meta #draft so old it uses the old Tumblr post editor #it would be much better if i could put them side to side rip #i also wanna do an analysis trying to pin down his level of social awareness #i love that the monster story epic saga about misfits and your place in the world on an ecosystem level is just sooo autistic so perfect #this post has a weird structure but hopefully it can showcase some things and make ppl understand and others relate! I know we're out there #hiii therians how we feeling today. Brain chemistry is weird but ours is just wired different not broken #feeling self-conscious bc even with studies this is the equivalent of going 'trust me bro I get it' which usually doesn't go well with us #Humanity is beautiful <3333 Humans are social animals broski love yourself!!!

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what-shitfuckery-is-this-ew · 4 months

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A Critique of Riordan's: Neurodivergency

tldr: Rick made ADHD and dyslexia superpowers in the books which fit the time he wrote the books, but it's not accepted now cause it diminishes neurodivergent struggle. At the same time he made autism coded characters the 'annoying' ones and had a very racist thing of having the only neurotypical be Frank.

He tried to fix it in the show. It worked for about 3 seconds.

TW: Ableism, Autism speaks mention, r slur, anti-schizo stuff.

This paragraph is useless so don't read if you don't want to: Sitting in my drafts are 3 different 'A critique of Riordan's' posts i made as i tried to redo my full critique of the Riordanverse with a little more positive feedback and a little less Rick Riordan is the devil spawn. I have decided to not do it in order because because i watched the show and i noticed some things which were iffy and others which were great. So yeah neurodivergency first. Enjoy and think Critically.

Books

Research and Diversity

The books were written in the early 2000s for Rick's son who has ADHD and dyslexia

As a result, it takes on a very "your ADHD and dyslexia is a superpower" message which were popular during the time, but we recognise now has delegitimised neurodivergent struggles

Also as a result, the books were very focused on his son's symptoms, and represented ADHD as a monolith which quickly turned into stereotypes (e.g jumpy, impatient and fast reflexes becoming the connecting feature of half-bloods)

It got so unresearched that at one point he said:

He also talks about coffee in a similar way, despite sugar and coffee not making us more hyperactive and instead making us sleepy. Unless all the scientists and people with ADHD are wrong i really don't know this works.

and also said this: "Leo was extremely ADHD even by demigod standards" Like what

But the worst part about the PJO books was that the neurodivergency was limited to the first book. Percy's ADHD and dyslexia magically vanish and honestly it's only really brought back up in HOO every now and then (not very well might i add)

Ways he could have improved:

He could have given other characters, like Annabeth, more diverse symptoms of ADHD. It wasn't that hard, For Annabeth recognise that she as a 'gifted kid' is more likely to have undiagnosed and so have to face the issues related to being undiagnosed and/or being both a gifted kid and having ADHD, and then also give her more symptoms common to girls like being really chatty or frequently daydreaming.

Continuing having ADHD (and dyslexia) as constant parts of the novels rather than throwaway lines. Build it into the characters actions and persona rather than add it on like an accessory

Research. Never stop researching. Always reach out to people with the disorders and ask them to help. Writing is nothing without research.

Get sensitivity readers

Grammar

This is really minor, but he keeps say ____ was ADHD, and like gramattically that's a no. I am not a disorder i am a person with a disorder . Note for autism, the prefered grammer is Autistic person (aka turn into adjective and describe, something we can't do with ADHD)

Nico and Leo

Making Leo and Nico the 2 characters who were annoying and unlikeable (to everyone else not to fans) was really weird cause these 2 characters were the autistic coded ones.

NOTE: I did see a post explaining it better in the past, and i will link it when/if i find it again.

Tyson and the R Slur

I genuinely think he tried to make the r-slur scene show that it was bad, but the way Percy reacted to it wasn't quite right. Especially for childrens books these things need to be really clear. So it was good to make a bad bully character who was hated say it, but he could have made it better by skipping Percy saying "He’s not r*tarded" and go straight to "I had to try really, really hard not to punch Sloan the face."

The scene was ok, it could have been better, but again these were written in the 2000s, we have to acknowledge that.

Percy and School

Now this is interesting because this is more recent. Percy tried really hard in school and was smart, it was part of his characterisation. But he never did well in school, because that's how his disability affected him (especially since it was the American school system which we all know is shit and even more shit for people with learning disabilities).

The problem stems from TSATS, where Percy is made out to skip school, and not try at all (feeds into people with ADHD do bad cause they don't try/are lazy)

credits to @aroaceleovaldez

Racism: Frank Zhang

Frank Zhang the only Asian member of the 7 has no form of neurodivergency, despite the rest of them all having. It must be a just coincidence that there's a stereotype that asians are really smart and good at maths and the fact that the rest of the Romans have dyscalculia/s.

It's not weird at all that the character instead has lactose intolerance, which is really common in East Asia unlike dyslexia, ADHD or dyscalculia, which has such a low rate of diagnosis because there is a large stigma behind the disorders and because white people don't think Asians can have learning disabilities/s. No not weird at all that the dude is described with symptoms of dyspraxia but Rick refuses to recognise he is not neurotypical/s

I'm stepping out of sarcasm speak to remind you that Asians with learning disabilities are significantly less likely to get diagnosed with anything because:

because their parents won't let them until they have no other choice (glares at my parents) because there's a massive stigma behind intellectual/learning/development disorders in these communities

When we do try to get diagnosed our claims are diminished because of racist stereotypes and the belief that booksmarts/giftedness = no learning disability. It means most psychologists and psychiatrists (who are usually white) think that all Asians are smart so they don't ever have any form of neurodivergency and we're left to struggle.

Schizo Rep

Octavian. Villain. Schizo. Again.

Do i even need to explain this?

Show

Not actually a specific disorder - Percy just has a learning disability

Interestly Percy's dyslexia is just never talked about, And even his ADHD is never mentioned by name. He's got a random learning disorder which isn't specified. At first i assumed it was still ADHD cause the books, but watching more, you realise they aren't actually focusing on what learning disorder he has and what he has to deal with as a result of that. It's just a generic learning disorder.

Which is weird because learning disorders are all different and we all face different things, even with the same disorder. So placing all learning disorders in the same group? not good. Don't know what i expected from disney, but it wasn't this.

Autism Speaks

So the show tried to acknowledge that Percy was constantly told he was special and heroic when he really wanted to have help for his issues and for people to recognise that he has problems and those are bad. It also represented less stereotypical adhd symptoms (though whether that's because the disorder is no longer adhd or whether they wanted more inattentive symptoms to be present, we'll never know)

but then it went ahead and used a broken puzzle metaphor for his neurodivergency?

Puzzle piece metaphors when talking about any form of neurodivergency are a no go because the creators of the metaphor literally want Autistic people dead.

I DON'T GIVE A SHIT THAT HE DOESN'T HAVE AUTISM, WE ARE NOT ALLIES TO THE AUTISM COMMUNITY IF WE USE THE LANGUAGE AUTISM SPEAKS CREATED

Not only that but a broken puzzle is not a good way to represent us anyways because NEURODIVERGENTS AREN'T BROKEN.

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villanerys · 7 months

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villanelle and autism

side notes before i begin:

some of these traits could also be explained by cluster b disorders, as she’s heavily bpd coded and canonically aspd, but i see her as both cluster b AND autistic.

also, please don’t say things like “YES she’s not a psychopath, she’s autistic instead” because she’s still very much aspd and i don’t want to take that away. i’ve seen a lot of people with aspd really identify with villanelle and say she portrays it well.

just scroll if you don’t agree, this is a harmless headcanon and i’m simply explaining why i have this headcanon, as well as why a lot of autistic people seem to relate to her (people get SO mad if you even insinuate a popular character might be autistic lol)

masking/mirroring

masking is a strategy used to hide neurodivergent traits in order to blend in with neurotypicals. this can include mirroring (mimicking others expressions/behaviors), or even entire persona changes.

in the very first scene villanelle carefully observes a man smiling then mimics his smile (1x01)

villanelle hears a woman laugh on the radio then mimics her laugh, later she reuses that same laugh with sebastian (1x02)

liked copying the statue people in the street (2x05)

often mimics konstantin and predicts what he’s going to say

can quickly switch personas, adopts different accents and dialects quickly, and reuses phrases that are said to her

taking things literally

when talking about villanelle anna says “she was quite literal” and goes on to describe how villanelle misinterpreted a joke so confidently that she killed someone because of it (1x07)

interprets the bible extremely literally in season 4

“i have children” “i don’t want your children” (1x05)

“sheep are happier than wolves” “you spend your time off surveying sheep?” (3x08)

took konstantin saying “do something normal” literally (1x02)

“you are not a pumpkin, you a beautiful” (1x04)

kills gabriel because she thought he was genuinely asking to die when he was expressing how sad he was about his situation (2x01)

sensory seeking (& sensitivities)

touches and focuses on the texture of the liliana rizzari duvet, goes out of her way to ask the man she’s killing for the name of the duvet, later purchases it for herself and carefully feels the texture of it again (1x01)

generally touches and smells everything

“i want to smell her skin” (4x03) as well as her describing her ideal perfume in detail then asking eve and konstantin to smell her (3x03)

hates wearing crocs and other “non-nice” things, is very fixated on “nice” things like high quality clothes and food

makes people stroke her hair when she’s feeling upset (2x05 and 4x01)

bold fashion with a lot of colors/patterns/textures

seems to dislike most people hugging her

more up to interpretation, but she wore headphones in 3x04 and 3x05, once while she was having a meltdown on a train

struggles with social cues

includes coming off as blunt/rude, trouble navigating groups, and not interpreting situations correctly

how awkward and blunt she was at her wedding (3x01)

interacting with the church, especially in 4x02

doesn’t know how to react to displays of emotion (gabriel crying, benita crying, was confused and froze when her brother was being affectionate)

doesn’t understand why some people are upset with her (konstantin in s2, may in s4, eve at multiple points)

doesn’t understand that certain things will make people upset (being very blunt with gabriel then being put off when he starts crying)

struggles with understanding boundaries

doesn’t see authority figures as an authority (teasing and flirting with the prison guards, threatening konstantin, casually killing anton, doesn’t seem to understand consequences)

does not follow rules that don’t make sense to her

breaks into eve’s house expecting a normal dinner, doesn’t know how to calm eve down and ends up making her panic more (1x05)

didn’t understand why eve’s coworkers were acting scared of her (3x08)

is confused as to why sebastian laughs when she says she likes national anthems (1x02)

not understanding why her mom was laughing at her and that it was mocking “you always laugh at things that aren’t funny” “like you?” “yes” (3x05)

stimming

the repetitive performance of certain physical movements or vocalizations in order to self soothe or express emotion

big jumpy happy dance (3x04)

during cup game (3x05)

jumping and spinning on the heels of her boots by the train with rhian (3x08)

her copying noises she hears could be a type of vocal stim, echolalia

on the train ride at the end of 3x05

there are more examples but i can’t list them all since she generally bounces around a lot and has a lot of big movements

inappropriate/bizarre responses

yelling “this is so BORINGGG” while in an art museum (2x04)

“i mean i masturbate about you a lot” (1x08)

yelling “JUST DUNK ME” while getting baptized (4x01)

soooo many instances that again i can’t list them all…

alexithymia

alexithymia is the difficulty feeling or identifying emotions (or physical stressors like pain)

her whole aa meeting speech in 2x06 about how she feels nothing and the distress it causes (is extremely bored, hurts herself and it doesn’t hurt, just wants to feel something)

doesn’t know if she’s telling the truth or not (2x07), this could also be because of masking as too much masking can cause identity confusion, not knowing what you’re faking and what’s authentic

weakened sense of danger, even says “i don’t get scared” (2x08)

says she’s fine then immediately collapses (2x01)

other traits

meltdowns, especially at the end of 3x05 where she was wearing headphones and had increased stimming while crying

low empathy

attaches to and fixates on a specific person, obsession prone

REJECTION SENSITIVE DYSPHORIA

has always felt estranged and inherently different from others, “i’m not normal you know” (2x01)

detail oriented, notices things others don’t

bad at dancing/rhythm

exaggerated facial expressions

exaggerated speech

poor impulse control

differences in expressing emotions and communication

only comfortable with select people

perfectionism, hates working with a team and wants to do jobs alone (1x04, 3x02)

feels threatened when irina knows more languages than her, as languages are something villanelle is very interested in (1x08)

black and white thinking

#i’m also autistic btw :)#my posts #killing eve #villanelle #autism #actually autistic #i stayed up until 6 am typing this while half asleep it’s probably not great lol

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alostlittleriverlotus · 4 months

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not in a good mood cause my friend's boyfriend is dealing with his abusive mom. And after a recent issue they had of her verbally abusing him, he found out about narcissistic abuse and ow. Ow. Thing is, he's autistic/adhd and has BPD and DID. I just. I fucking hate how easy it is. He repeated that "autistic and adhd people attract narcissists."

NO!!!!! Luckily he's very open minded and chill and is trying to understand when my friend tells him. But still. The fact that someone with equally demonized disorders and BPD which can be very commonly comorbid with NPD and then demonizes narcissists cause of how widely available that information is hurts. Just...no. Just no.

That is how easily accessible the information on "narcissists" is. He learned about it that easily when that ableism stems from the same place as the rest of hatred of mental health. There are people that believe you can't be in a relationship with someone with ADHD without it being emotionally abusive. People think meltdowns from autistic people are intentional emotional abuse. There are people that still believe that stuff.

It is so important for the rest of the mentally ill to not fall into this hole of demonizing narcissists. That ableism stems from the same place that ableism against autistic people and depression and anxiety and all stem from.

Narcissism doesn't make someone more likely to abuse. They do not have unique patterns of abuse. It is just abuse. It is emotional abuse, verbal abuse, mental abuse. Just because someone that may have NPD is abusive does not make it narcissistic abuse. And also: if your abuser, especially if you are genetically related to them, has NPD then that raises the chance YOU would have NPD. It doesn't guarantee it, but personality disorders are a mix of trauma and genetics.

Anyone with any disorder can be abusive. People without disorders can be abusive. The majority of abusive people most likely don't have a personality disorder. It's the same as assuming that "all serial killers are schizophrenic" which is something my brother said to me recently. It's the same as believing all criminals are "psychopaths" when that just isn't true.

Anyone with or without disorder or neurodivergency has the ability to abuse and hurt others. A lot of the time, abusers may be just neurotypical. Narcissists aren't more likely to abuse than anyone else. Their disorder does not make them abusive. Any disorder can affect their treatment of someone.

I have dealt with many people who used their depression as a way to abuse me. It does not make it depression or depressive abuse. The disorder is irrelevant, the abuse is not.

If you lump in narcissists with abusers, you are lumping in other people that have been abused and traumatized with their abusers. I have been compared to a rapist, to a child sex offender, to a serial killer for being a narcissist. I have seen people saying to kill every narcissist since it would be better for people. I have been told I am lying about my abuse and actually my abusive ex boyfriend didn't abuse me, *I* abused *HIM.*

Narcissistic abuse does not exist. It is not a different or unique pattern. It is not "different than NPD cause the word narcissist existed before NPD" (when it is heavily associated with NPD and many resources say it is about NPD.) It is not a special type of abuse done by people with NPD. It is bullshit. You don't need "narcissistic abuse" to be able to understand your own abuse. Narcissists are not everywhere and looking to harm you. It keeps you scared and traumatized. It is not healing, it is not helping.

I'm just so upset cause my friend's BF is such a cool dude and I have faith he will learn over time, but it was so triggering. I split so fucking bad. So yes. Here's my rant and the reminder that: Narcissistic abuse is bullshit and just demonizes people with NPD and the mentally ill and people they often claim are narcissists aren't and are just privileged and entitled and shitty people and often have to do with more systemic problems that are normalized and accepted by society rather than, you know, icky mentally ill person.

Oh and btw. If you're gonna fight at all on this, just block me. Either you can listen and learn or not. If you're in the "not" section, just leave. You'll just be blocked anyway. Because I'm not here to have it justified why it's okay to say narcissists are abusive when I am literally a narcissist and this shit has literally worsened me to the point of wanting to die. Fuck off. We are mentally ill people. Some people with NPD being abusive does not make us all abusive. You would never say the same for any other disorder so why say it for us? If you wouldn't say it about autism, depression, OCD, or any other literal mental illness then do NOT say it about us. There are people out there who DO still say that about those disorders. Who DO believe that a disorder makes you inherently abusive. Is that who you want to side with? Cause it's the same fucking logic. Narcissistic abuse is purely pop psychology and popularized by the mainstream rather than even being a real term. Yes, psychologists and other professionals can be wrong and can be ableist too.

I've said my piece. Narcissists and anyone else demonized whether your disorder is widely demonized or not, I love you. A lot of disorders have become more infantilized rather than demonized these days, but there are people out there that still see every mentally ill person as evil. No matter what kind of ableism you face for your disorder, you deserve love and care and support, not to be treated more like an object than a person. And no matter what, no matter how good or bad, You. Deserve. Help. You deserve to be able to have access to help without any bullshit.

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letters-to-lgbt-kids · 2 years

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My dear lgbt+ kids,

Many years ago I watched a documentary about interabled couples (meaning that one partner is disabled, the other one isn't).

They interviewed multiple couples and asked how they met, what their friends and family think of the relationship, things like that. I don't remember most of it (I can't even tell you if it was an actual movie-length documentary or just a short piece in the local news) but there was one story that always stuck with me:

An autistic man had a crush on a woman he regularly saw at his doctor's office. So he decided to write her a letter. He wrote down a detailed description (if I recall correctly it was multiple pages long) of how their relationship could look like: date ideas that would be safe and enjoyable for him, situations in which he may require her support or help, possible communication struggles they may face and ideas on how to deal with them etc. The next time he saw her at the doctor's office, he handed her the letter. She read it, smiled and said "This says you can't go dancing with me because loud music overwhelms you. But I really love dancing. Could we dance at home if you are in control of the music volume?". He said "Yes" and she said "Okay, then let's do that"... and they have been a happy couple ever since.

I love that story. Honestly, I wish someone would come up to me and hand me a letter like that!

There are so many unspoken rules in the dating world that (neurotypical) people oftentimes just expect you to know and understand - especially the whole "be mysterious, play hard to get, don't scare people off by being too honest" stuff can be really confusing! His letter feels like an antidote to that. He clearly communicated his individual set of "rules" (boundaries, needs, wants). It may be my autism speaking, but this sounds like the ideal way to start a relationship for me: they were both on the same page from the get-go rather than having to guess what the other one wants.

As someone who has been rejected for being too honest and talking about boundaries too early, it feels comforting to me to know that someone did exactly that and was so successful with it.

I mentioned this old story to a friend a few days ago - and they didn't think it was cute. In fact, they were shocked and disgusted by it. That sounds incredibly toxic, they said. You can't just hand your partner a set of rules at the beginning of the relationship and demand they stick to them forever. Those things need to be an ongoing conversation that both partners get to contribute to. Love isn't a business contract that one person writes and the other just signs off on. Treating it like one is a red flag. And quite frankly, they'd feel super creeped out if a quasi-stranger wrote multiple pages about a relationship they didn't even agree to yet!

And you know what? I absolutely believe that my friend is right - and I also believe that I am right. It could be cute and it could be a red flag.

This goes for all kinds of relationships but it's especially important for those of us who have unique or less common "rules"/needs (which could be because you are neurodivergent, disabled or chronically ill but also be lgbt+-related, e.g because you are ace or aro): Doing things differently is not by default toxic - and not by default wholesome, either.

That letter could be a great starting point for healthy ongoing communication in a relationship... and it could also be toxic if it is used as a binding contract that doesn't allow any further conversation.

Apart from a few obvious exceptions, we can't really make a definite list of things that are always good or always toxic when it comes to dating/relationships - we need to think of things in context. And that goes for the "standard route" as well as for more unique approaches.

With all my love,

Your Tumblr Dad

(P.S: For the record, I'm sure that the couple in the documentary does have ongoing, healthy communication!)

#I think it's unlikely that any of you know the documentary since it was so long ago - but if it seems familiar I'd love to know the title!#lgbt #lgbt+

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ghosts-stim-too · 1 month

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I headcanon Sebastian from stardew valley as autistic. I do not think his character was written with the intent of being autistic, I think he can be read that way.

While he's not the only villager who is more of a loner, he's the only one who has friends that he has a clear disinterest in hanging out with- Penny being very shy but regularly tutoring Jas and Vincent and possibly avoids other due to her family life, and Shane being antisocial due to his mental health and drinking problems. He has a line of dialogue apologising because he doesn't know what else to say and while this happens to everyone in real life I think it's significant in a game where you can only talk to characters once a day and they have limited dialogue they can give you, implying that he's extremely awkward and possibly struggles with communication

He shows a strong preference for rainy days which could allude to sensory issues with bright sunny days, as does him living in a basement- no windows, isolated from the rest of the house so therefore quieter. This could explain why Robin has put him in the basement despite building the house from the ground up and could have easily made him a room upstairs. (I will note that he doesn't like his room at I think he says it makes him depressed at some point, though this could be a "the least worst option" sort of situation".) Demetrius' general dislike of him and his issues with Maru could be caused by autism too. It could also help explain why Sebastian has so much resentment for Maru, as she has something that he will never have; a neurotypical brain and being generally outgoing and well liked.

not to mention it's common for autistic people to remain living at home older than their allistic peers do, potentially he might not be able to care for himself well enough to be able to move out. He also doesn't hold a traditional job, having chosen not to go to college because he prefers his freelance work behind the safety of a screen. there's also a line of dialogue during a festival which says something to the effect of taking a break from all the people that I belive is in the fair?

Obviously these traits are being examined in a vacuum, if he was a real person and this was the information I was given I would say maybe but likely not, however as deep as the characters are they are still story tools designed to give the impression of real humans that are likeable and relatable. There's likely a number of different neurodivergencies that he could fall under based on the traits he was given and depending on if the player is neurodivegent themselves and how they veiw the world

however he's my favourite character so therefore he's autistic BC I said so >:))

#olly talks #autistic Sebastian #sebastian stardew valley #stardew valley #autistic headcanon #actually autistic

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gwydion-aacblog · 1 year

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really relate more with physical disability and cripple communities than ever could abled neurodivergent ones .

do have physical disability stuff too , and " neurotypical cripple " is myth - but even without those points , those communities better understand experiences than neurodivergent communities that run most by people with lower support needs , who can talk and work and learn things right , who not have daily motor problems big enough to need help , etc etc .

people in those communities always hate gwydion . year after year would try make friends and talk with people , but even these " no judge " communities would laugh and bite back , because do things wrong . things that come very natural when brain work right , just in " different way " , compare to when have actual damage at heart of problems .

could talk about problems eat , problems clean , problems just pick up and carry things sometimes . and no one would be nice . because those " childish " problems . those people take anger from others to heart and say " yes , that is worth laugh " not " maybe that is cruel , when laugh at people with problems . "

many times would try settle in communities and talk only for people say " no , not allow here " - and no one would say why . have reputation , but did not understand why or what even that was , let alone how change . because everyone assume fully aware about problems , that understand in same way , and choose break rules choose be annoy . when even now as adult still not really understand shit and just try best not hurt people . but can not , even tiny little bit , pretend like anything close to " normal " unlike others .

physical disability communities understand some of disability problems better , and , many also understand what like for people to kick out and shun , even if reasons different .

#disability #neurodivergent #community #actuallyautistic

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sepublic · 1 year

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Very old post I’ve had in my drafts, but I’ll finally say it:

You know, I’m getting tired of the trash takes that Luz in Episode 1 was somehow a stereotypical ‘weirdo’ of the ‘I’m not like other girls’ variety, because...

She wasn’t? Throughout that episode she never had an issue with any other ‘normal’ kids, her conflict was only with adults in charge, and she never tried to take her anger out on anyone. Luz was just unhappy about being able to express her interests. The one time she’s up against a ‘other girl’ it’s with Amity in Episode 3 and that’s only because Amity bullies Willow for having bad grades; And even then, Luz still goes out of her way to make amends with Amity the very next episode and is clearly unhappy about getting her in trouble with the principal earlier. And I get that it’s important to be against the whole ‘Not like other girls’ mentality, but at the same time...

As an autistic individual who gets a lot of autistic vibes from Luz, I really relate to her loneliness as a kid. It’s something that resonates a lot with me, so it feels pretty patronizing to hear other people act like there is no actual issue for Luz, that it’s all just exaggerated? That her interests are actually mainstream nowadays, because they’re not? I don’t remember taxidermy or friendliness with spiders to the point of letting them crawl over you being a ‘mainstream’ interest. Let’s be real- With how many people on this site say dumb stuff like “Liking [insert media] isn’t a personality,” and considering Luz’s hyper-fixation on Azura, it low-key gives off ableist vibes.

The whole point of Episode 1 was that it was okay to be weird, and then Episode 2 immediately follows afterwards by noting that being weird also doesn’t make you better than others, either. The whole point is that being weird is a perfectly natural, normal thing...

And it feels patronizing to act like the writers are neurotypical adults who are trying to be hip by pretending they know what the ‘weirdo’ experience is like or whatever, because the creator herself has professed to having used dead animals as a drawing reference because it was her only way of getting them to stay still (which is a BIG neurodivergent mood to me). It feels almost insulting when people are like, “LOL Luz thinks she’s weird, she’s really not!” when there are plenty of people on this site and in real life who would totally criticize Luz for ‘treating Azura as a personality’. And personally speaking, there’s still a lot of stigma towards autistic individuals, so seeing someone like Luz display a lot of neurodivergent vibes and having people act almost like she’s just doing things for ‘attention’ or that she totally wouldn’t be treated as different in real life just feels... Disingenuous.

Like, I feel that it’s important to not have a ‘Not like other girls’ mentality, but at the same time I feel that issue is separate from the whole issue of being neurodivergent and not fitting in as a result. The former is a form of misogyny, and the other is genuine loneliness over not being neurotypical. Like yeah, you’re not better than anyone else just because you’re ‘lonely’... But you’re still lonely nevertheless. We’re talking about an issue of misogyny VS ableism, and Luz’s situation just feels a lot closer to the latter, so it feels dismissive to just pretend it’s the former.

#I've had this stored for just shy of THREE years because I guess I was too afraid to speak my mind #But you know what this show validated and confirmed what I said and the way some people treat Luz's character certainly does too #the owl house #luz noceda #rant

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odetomymind · 26 days

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I don't know who needs to hear this but two things can be true at once. Self-diagnosis is important because we all self-diagnose in a way before getting an official confirmation, some people don't have access to the proper healthcare to get diagnosed, some people live in countries that have much more stigma around mental health than the west. When you spend your whole life feeling like a non-human, you know something's different you just need to figure out what.

But at the same time, the way social media has started taking adhd/autism has quirky trends that means you have superpowers and diagnosing random strangers on the internet based on one singular information is absolutely harmful. "Oh this person has a specific interest? Must be autism" some people just are passionate. A vast majority of adhd/autism symptoms not only overlap but also are at first glance common things that even neurotypicals do. And reducing very serious symptoms that complicate our existence, we end up with oversimplification and do more harm to neurodivergent awareness than it could do any good to it. It's the exact same thing neurotypicals have done to ocd, and no one seems to be alarmed about it.

And more than once I've seen self diagnosed people focus on "low needs" autistic people or quirky loud and fun ADHDer because those people are like the people with anxiety on 2014 Tumblr. They want to be special and not like the others and take one part of their personality and turn it into a misdiagnose. And again, it does so much harm to neurodivergent awareness. I haven't forgotten how with all the things that could have been criticised about the Good Doctor, you guys decided to turn a very real depiction of a meltdown into a meme. And just because the show doesn't represent the way autism shows up in you or your acquaintances, doesn't mean it represents no one.

Self-diagnosis is important to many people who need to understand themselves but don't have access to the related professionals in order to be officially diagnosed. But I'll be damned if I don't point out what's wrong about how widespread it is on social media.

#txt #adhd #autism #social commentary #neurodivergence #if I hear autism/adhd is a superpower one more time I'll get jail time

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mclennonlgbt · 2 years

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Paul's alleged neurodiversity, and how did it affect his relationship with John?

EDIT: After receiving some comments, I understood I oversimplified that issue. Probably John was also a ND person because this is a really broad term. But my point still stands: I think the main reason of John's rejection was that Paul wasn't able to distinguish between different types of attraction and couldn't communicate it in the way that was clear to John.

Disclaimer: Everything I say in this post is my opinion only. I don't insist that it has to be absolutely true. Also, I'm not going to diagnose someone remotely! What I'm going to do here is a fan analysis of my favorite musicians rather than a PhD thesis.

So, I was listening to Another Kind of Mind podcast, more specifically - Episode 5 of their Pizza and Fairytales series. The hosts express a hypothesis that I immediately found credible: maybe Paul is neurodivergent? Here is the speculation material: Paul is one of the most prolific and productive songwriters of the second half of the 20th century (a reference to music being his special interest); very often he gives the impression that he is masking his various reactions, feelings, as if he is wearing armor - masking is a very common practice among neurodivergent people, especially if the family expected them to "behave normally" (which was the case with Paul); the hosts also pointed his nervous tics, his synesthesia and the fact that some of his patterns of behavior are as rigid as telling the same stories over and over again.

Again - it's not diagnosis, it's just guessing, speculating. From my perspective, as a non-neurotypical person, I can say that this theory makes a lot of sense.

But how does all of this relate to McLennon? Well, here's my interpretation: Lennon was neurotypical (EDIT: he probably wasn't but IMO he had more "neurotypical" concept of love and affection than Paul), so he could make a clear distinction between platonic and romantic attraction. Consequently, he was aware that he was in love with McCartney and expected a reaction from him.

And Paul is perhaps non-neurotypical. I know from experience (mine and some other people - this is anecdotal evidence, not reliable research) that often neudivergent persons either do not distinguish between platonic and romantic love, or they do not care too much about the difference, or they merge into one. Or they have some other types of attractions (understanding them and translating them into the language of the neurotypical world can be a daunting or even impossible task). So McCartney might not really know what Lennon expected from him + might not know / still don't know what he exactly felt about Lennon? I mean, I'm sure he felt and feel love, but can he distinguish the type? He wanted to be John's best friend and songwriting partner - and nothing else/more, or did he need to be in a romantic relationship with him? Or maybe he needed something else? The first difficulty is understanding what you are feeling. The second is to communicate it to the other person. In my view John wasn't overly understanding, especially on a delicate and vulnerable matter such as feelings, because he was terrified of rejection.

Here's how I imagine their interaction in India:

JOHN: I'm in love with you, do you want to be with me?

PAUL:

*inside: Hmmm, what exactly is the difference between brotherly and romantic love? How is friendship different from a romantic relationship, especially in our case? Let me analyze all my 25 types of attraction...

*outside: lack of unambiguous reaction

JOHN: Oh, so you're rejecting me, right? Okay! Then fuck off! I'm going to get Yoko and we will parade with our love and relationship so hard that maybe it will finally provoke you to some kind of reaction, fucking prick!

This is the interpretation in which I believe the most today. But I'd love to hear your thoughts! No ableism allowed.

#john lennon #paul mccartney #mclennon #lennon mccartney #the beatles #neurodivergent

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xxlovelynovaxx · 11 months

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Thinking about something:

I have variable functioning. Using functioning here because that's how I experience it.

In particular, I struggle with both visual and auditory processing. At the best of times, I can watch videos. Unless I am hyperfocused though, I usually have to watch even TV shows in 20 minute chunks. Videos on the internet that are over three minutes? Basically not happening most of the time.

I'd also like to note that my low functioning days can be the upper extent of someone else's given capabilities ever.

I'm going to use a personal example here to make my point.

I NEED video descriptions for videos on bad days. Not "it's more convenient", not "it's helpful", but as in "I literally am INCAPABLE of watching the video and getting ANY of the visual or auditory information out of it". Sure, I can stare at the screen, but there will be crickets chirping in my mind and afterward I could not tell you anything about it's content.

Again, I'd like to emphasize that for some neurodivergent people, this is ALWAYS true.

So why do I bring this up?

I'd like to talk about the curb cut effect within disabled communities, and mind body dualism.

Here's the thing: People often treat the curb cut effect for other disabled people as if it's functionally the same as the curb cut effect for abled people. They act as though if you're not the main group(s) an accessibility tool was designed for, that you don't NEED it, especially if it was designed for a physical disability and you need it for reasons related to neurodivergence.

This I think also stems from both the stigma of neurodivergence as either "high-functioning" neurotypical-passing or completely unable to care for oneself. More even than that, though, I think it stems from the idea that if the issue is in your brain, you are capable of "overcoming" it and doing the thing in question without the accessibility tool. It becomes "if you can function at all, you're high functioning, and if you're high functioning, you're capable of doing the thing".

(As an aside, don't get me STARTED on the whole "you're not who this was intended for and therefore don't need it" thing that sometimes happens even between solely physical disabilities. Just as an example, there are so many different reasons that someone might need a wheelchair other than paralysis (hi! ambulatory wheelchair user here) and some people without paralysis are even still non-ambulatory wheelchair users.)

With video descriptions, I've had people basically say "your eyes work, so the description is just a nice bonus, I NEED it". And I want to scream "my eyes work, but my brain? the part that actually processes and gives meaning to the visual noise around me? fucking DOESN'T". On my worst days I would not be able to get out of the way of a SPEEDING CAR because it would take so long for my brain to recognize it as such and then further label it as a danger and THEN push me to react.

And I'm not going to say "oh, imagine if someone said 'just use [disabled body part], it's POSSIBLE for you to do so'," because I know people absolutely do that. In particular, I'm willing to bet people with low vision/who are legally blind with very limited vision and people who are hard of hearing both (video descriptions also being necessary for D/deaf and HoH folks when the videos themselves are uncaptioned) experience this to the extreme - and even blind with no vision and who are D/deaf do as well - because ableists are ignorant assholes.

My point is that it's not any more okay to do with neurodivergence.

I'd also like to add that even if someone CAN access something without the accommodation, that kind of dismissiveness is still shitty. Yeah, I CAN buy groceries without a mobility aid, but by the time I finish I will be sweating, shaking, about to pass out, in a shit ton of pain especially in my back and the soles of my feet, and will spend the next few days having a POTS and fibro flareup - to the extent that I will not be able to put weight on my feet without it feeling like I'm standing on knives. Even then I can still technically walk, but again, on KNIVES.

And yeah, on good days, I CAN watch the video instead of reading the description, where even other neurodivergent people might not be able to. But I still can't do so without consequences. A three minute video will mean not absorbing part of the information, getting exhausted, and often contributing to overstimulation and potentially leading to a meltdown.

A ten minute video can quite literally use up all my spoons for the day. Keep in mind I already have so few due to executive dysfunction specifically that I struggle with tasks as basic as "starting rice to cook in the rice cooker" and "gathering my meds to take them" and "taking my T" (which I literally haven't done since I finally got it refilled for that reason, despite the crippling* dysphoria) and "doing even the most basic of house cleaning or hygiene tasks such as vacuuming or brushing my teeth".

A video can use all of those spoons and quite honestly then some, leaving me unable to take care of myself. I have not eaten for entire days at a time because I literally am not able to make food due to not having spoons. When it's a choice between putting that effort in to watch a video and, y'know, being able to function at the most basic level, the end result is going to be the same as when I am incapable of watching the video at all: I'm not going to watch it.

That's still major consequences.

But for many people, my being able to do it at all, even some of the time, means I can do it perfectly, always - which you may recognize as just textbook ableism. This not only ignores the times I can't do it at all, but gets extrapolated into "anyone with your same diagnosis can do it" even for those that can't, at all, ever.

The brain is just an organ. There are neurological disabilities that make the brain unable to do certain things just like there are physical disabilities that make the body unable to do certain things (also, not all physical disabilities are even a complete and/or constant inability, some fluctuate or are permanently hard-but-not-technically-impossible, like my pain/grocery example above. Neurodivergence doesn't mean "an ailment of the spiritmind, divorced from the body, and able to be overridden by an effort of will".

So stop being ableist about other disabled people benefitting from, using, and NEEDING a particular accommodation. It's one thing to acknowledge that there are given cases where someone's need is greater, but it's another thing entirely to speak over and erase the people for whom the need is just as great, just because you don't believe them based on the diagnosis they have. Don't make broad, sweeping, and broad generalizations about which DIAGNOSES actually need a given thing, and instead actually listen to and trust PEOPLE when they say they need it as much as you.

*While I think gatekeeping the word is bullshit anyway, I'm physically disabled myself. If you have a problem with me using any form of the word cripple as I see fit, you can suck this crip's salty shriveled nutsack and cry about it.

#as a note the reason I am able to use visual descriptions at all #is because my visual processing is better than my auditory #but also because nonmoving text is SO MUCH EASIER to process than moving video #literally movement is so hard #and videos are EITHER heavy on speaking audio OR with a lot of movement #not to mention color oh my fucking god white text on a grey background is so hugely different from the massive amount of color in videos #I could go on and on #I also don't actually know if video descriptions were intended more for low vision and blindness or for d/Deaf/HoH ppl or both #I included the note though because I think a lot of people assume only the first and don't even realize the second #anyway yeah don't do this

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centuriantalevevo · 2 years

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Eyo so-

Since I have ADHD and Mysta has ADHD it's self projecting time!!!

Mysta Rias and Reader with ADHD

Mysta wasn't surprised when you told him- actually the entirety of Luxiem- Shoto already knew.

Mysta just had a feeling... Something was definitely off about you unlike the others- like him!

Everyone got an answer one way while you got the same answer doing it a whole different way- like how did you even get that?! Only Mysta can truly understand that feeling-

He wasn't too good at catching himself when he went of track but he was good at catching you straying away from the original subject.

It's why he felt so comfortable just talking around you. With a lot of people, I always tried to stay overly conscious about what he was saying, he didn't wanna stray away into 5 subjects at once and throw everyone off... that happened a lot. No one was able to keep up- but with you, he could go through 5 subjects in 1 minute and you could keep up the ENTIRE time, even going ahead of him.

It mostly was brought up when Luca asked.

"Oh, ya! I have ADHD!"

"Oh shit, really? Mysta does too I think," Vox comments, "For some reason I had a hunch you were neurodivergent in some way..." Mysta said

But with that came the struggles. But struggles both of you could relate to, so it didn't feel as lonely.

Both of you had a tendency to talk over others on accident. The impulsivity that comes with ADHD causes this. Yeah, yeah, neurotypical people do this too, but not nearly as much. For ADHD, it can affect personal relationships, just like any other symptom of ADHD.

Both of you have a small ass attention span, and you commend Mysta for people able to play the whole game of The Quarry, or Minecraft for even 5 minutes on his own. You loved games with puzzles and stuff, like Madison since it was horror... but you had a small amount of patience and even less for focus so for finding the damn green safe passcode, you opted for looking it up on Google over actually finding it-

You and Mysta help each other with getting work done- usually it seems like Mysta's the one doing the reminding. Hell sometimes he'll stream while you're in VC with him since you were doing something like homework. If he heard what sounded like you going off track, he was instantly nudging you back to your work until you got it done. You did the same for him. If he had some shit to do but was procrastinating, you'd push him back on track.

Hyperactive episodes are wild when you got 2 people with ADHD in the room-

You two will rage at the faking disorder cringe compilations for HOURS... you two will MALD over people who fake ADHD so much Jesus christ-

"NO- IF YOUR GIRLFRIEND HAS ADHD I'M MORE THAN 110% SURE SHE WON'T GET HYPER ON COFFEE!!" "Yeah!!"

"THAT'S WHY SHIT LIKE ADDERALL AND VYVANSE CALM US DOWN BUT MAKES ANYONE WHO DOESNT HAVE ADHD HYper- I physically can not get a sugar rush- I've never had a sugar rush in my life!!" "Exactly! Caffeine doesn't do shit to us... like if she were to have something similar to ADHD then you mean ADD... because people with ADD get hyper from shit like Adderall. It has the opposite affect on people without ADHD!" "That's why it's so addicting too!"

Mysta would gladly listen to you ramble about your hyperfixations, obviously jumping in with a comment here or there.

You'd do the same, and if you both shared the same hyperfixation at that moment? Oh boy... silence doesn't exist-

You're both patient with each other.

You know you have to get work done but Mysta won't shut the fuck up about something, you get his attention and gently remind him you need to get something done before the hyperfocus wears off- he understands and fucks off to do something else for a little bit until you're done. If you're rambling off about whatever the fuck, the does the same.

"I'm sorry but I gotta get this done! I'll talk to you and listen in a little okay? I love you!~"

But oh jesus christ what is a clean room honestly-

Organization? What??

Organizer? I hardly even know 'er-

Both of your rooms are a death trap.

Who's is worse? We don't know. We can't tell. We're too afraid to get close to either person's room door.

But sometimes you band together with that hyperfocus mentality currently affecting you and get y'all's rooms cleaned one by one...

But it ain't staying like that for long...

It's fucked up in a week max

Usually in 2 days it's back to the way it was. Honestly what was the point? We don't know- but "Hey! I found my Miku pop figure I was looking for!!"

With impulsivity comes great spending habits lmao-

Between the two you MIGHT be better-

If you exclude thr 100 dollars you spent using Christmas to get Xiao when you lost his 50/50 to Diluc

But you are bad about spending small amounts of money on the stupidest shut you find online or in somewhere like Walmart or Target-

Only like 4 dollars but still-

You when to Walmart with the intent on getting groceries but came back with toys that you for distracted by, 2 gallons of Milo's Sweet Tea (or unsweetened if you're uncultured- fuck unsweet tea, this post was made by the sweet tea gang-), candy, some random ass kids art supplies, the kids gummy vitamins, and more random candy you got at the check out counter... as well as McDonald's.

"(Y/n) that's... that's not groceries.." "technically it IS groceries!-" "not the ones we needed though! You can nOT be trusted!" "YoU CAN'T EITHER-"

Y'all spent the next like 3 hours playing with Legos and shit bro-

Mysta on his way to try and clean his room but ended up finding some old pictures and stuff he forgot about.. you walked in and ended up joining him.

Please anything but the actual task I have to do-

When you have conversations and go from topic A to topic 10 in 5 minutes people ask how and then proceed to be amazed at how you do mental gymnastics all the way from how the conversation began to how it finished flawlessly and Mysta's just there like "yep... sounds about right"

How do you even remember what our conversation what about?!-

.... ssshhhh... don't question the ways of the neurodivergents...

ADHD isn't fun, but it can be more bearable when someone who can relate is around to talk about it and you help each other through it.

#halo; random shit #Halo; VTubers #luxiem #anycolor #nijisanji en #nijisanji #nijien #mysta rias #mysta rias x reader

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beevean · 11 months

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And another thing!!!! (My mind is occupied by this topic a lot this morning lol) The people who put those headcanons on the characters only focus on the Fun UwU Quirky parts of being neurodivergent. The amount of times I've seen stories or art of the tremendous drawbacks having such neurodivergencies brings with it can be counted on one hand. It's always the "omg Sonic is so hyperactive he's totes ADHD he likes running and struggles to sit still!!" in a So Cute So Silly So Relatable way, never the "you cannot get anything done despite mentally SCREAMING at yourself to get up and do your tasks, you think everyone in your life can't stand you, you insert your foot in your mouth every time you speak, you can't finish a task to save your life" way. It truly makes me wonder how people who give every single character a Fun Quirky So Silly neurodivergency think, especially when they only focus on the endearing parts.

"If "neurotypicalness" is associated ... can have a personality too." It's exactly this! Why would I want to go around saying I'm straight if everyone immediately declares me a boring bigot because of that? Why would I tell anyone I'm not sure if I'm neurodivergent or neurotypical if the latter will immediately make me come off as someone with zero interests who is a dick to anyone even slightly off what is considered "the norm"? I wouldn't say people stating these things are directly harmful, especially because in real life people simply do not think and act like on Tumblr, but I do firmly believe that it is simply hurtful for people who fall in the 'bad' categories. (But then again, I am also firmly convinced that Tumblr has a general mindset of "They hurt us first so now we get to hurt them back, for justice!!!", completely ignoring they have no idea who the recipients are in their daily life and what they stand for, so...)

Also I was actually thinking the other day of the Sonic Chest Fur theory, and... Sample size of four people. Good job, y'all! I honestly think that claiming that you can give your Forces Avatar chest fur regardless of gender is a more solid claim about how chest fur is not male-exclusive than stating that Sonic is Totes Trans because he lacks it. And also, that argument has never stopped anyone from headcanoning Shadow and Silver as trans.... I'm curious what would happen if you brought up the Sonic Has No Chest Fur argument to state those two cannot be, were it not that I think it'd be equal to throwing a bomb straight into a hornet's nest.

I don't know what else to add, we're on the same page 😂

There is definitely a tendency to cutesify autism and ADHD here. I have neither, so I'd rather not insist too much and leave others to speak out, but even I know that both come with massive challenges. That's why they're called disorders! They don't have to be life-debilitating ofc, they're not curses, but I can imagine how some ND people might be irritated by others, especially fellow NDs, simply ignoring their struggles because they're not appealing. Ngl I'd find a realistic portrayal of Sonic with ADHD much more refreshing than the usual "hehe he's hyperactive he's just like me fr fr <3"

(at least, when I see people headcanon a character as for example having BPD, they do acknowledge the difficulties that come with the disorder)

And yes, I do realize that Tumblr is not real life. Apparently 90% of people here are both ND and LGBT+, the complete opposite of real life. I get it. I don't want to come off as "wanting to be oppressed so bad" or whatever, at this point I'm too old to care. But still, young people are being shaped on Tumblr and especially on its nastier little sibling Twitter, and I don't want teens to internalize that cishet NT people are boring shells of human beings at best and asshole bigots at worst.

Personally I'd sooner headcanon that Shadow and Silver are a different kind of hedgehog compared to Sonic - they both have fur and eye markings, plus a similar eye shape, it's interesting. I also have... opinions on how generally trans Sonic is portrayed, but eh, I think I'm being problematic enough :V

#sonic the hedgehog #important #i didn't know about the chest fur in forces!#the avatar can also crossdress without issue #forces secretly based

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writingquestionsanswered · 2 years

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Hello. I'm a fairly new follower of your blog, and it's incredibly helpful, thank you!

Out of curiosity, do you have any tips for neurodivergent writers and/or writers who struggle with burnout/other mental illness but still want to write?

Cheers! :]

Tips for Neurodivergent Writers

Welcome to the blog! I do have some tips for neurodivergent writers!

Embrace Your Neurodivergence! Being ND isn't easy, but having a brain that marches to its own beat can also be pretty amazing. But trying to force yourself to march anything but your own unique beat will probably result more in frustration than anything productive. So, listen to that unique beat and follow it where it takes you. Listen to what it's trying to say. Follow your gut. If something isn't working for you, it's totally okay. Try something else. Do what you can to be productive in ways that work for you, but adjust your expectations, be gentle with yourself, and don't give yourself a hard time when you don't meet your goals. ♥

Always Try New Things to See What Works. Now is a pretty amazing time to be a writer, whether you're neurodivergent or neurotypical. There are so many amazing writing-related programs, apps, tools, web sites, guides, blogs/vlogs, podcasts, books, methods, and theories available out there. And they're all created by people with various ideas, needs, and beliefs, so you'll almost always find things that work well for you personally. Keep yourself open to trying these kinds of things when they come your way, because you never know when a cool new writing app might be the thing you've been waiting for, or when you'll find a writing vlogger who really speaks to you, or when you read about a writing method that just makes sense. ♥

Let Your Process Be Fluid If It Wants to Be. Sometimes ND writers find a writing process that always works for them, and sticking to this routine every time is what keeps them productive. But for a lot of ND writers, there's never going to be one process that always works. You might need a different process on different days or for different projects, or you might need to cobble together different bits from different processes. Sometimes, you just have to ask what's going to work best for yourself that day, and then do it. ♥

Find An Outlining Method That Works For You. Even if your overall writing process needs to change frequently, one place where you might find routine to be useful is in how you outline. Outlines can be a great way for ND writers to stay on track, because if you get distracted for a few minutes, hours, or even days or weeks, you can always see exactly where you left off and where you need to go next. Some ND writers like beginning to end summaries, others like chapter by chapter summaries, still others like scene lists. And, you really may find that what works for you with one project doesn't work with another one. But if you can find one that works for * this * project and stick with it, you might be better able to keep moving forward. (But if outlines don't work for you, that's okay, too!) ♥

Do Everything You Can to Eliminate Distraction. Distraction is every writer's enemy, but that goes doubly so for ND writers. The things that compete for the NT writer's attention compete six times as hard for the ND writer's attention. So, anything you can do to eliminate distraction is great. Many ND writers find it's best to put their phone on silent or airplane mode (or just take it out of the room), use an app to limit what web sites they can visit, avoid listening to music with lyrics, and write in a place where there's not a lot of visual stimulation--or it's stuff they can easily ignore. It can also be helpful to ask housemates not to bother you, and to make sure you have something to drink and maybe a snack before you sit down to write.

Are you a neurodivergent writer with some personal tips you want to share? Feel free to reply or reblog with your tips, and I'll add them in below! ♥

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