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headinthestaticsky · 3 years

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The Dusk Calls for me: Jasper Hale x My OC Fleur Swan, Chapter 5

AUTHORS NOTES: None of the characters in Twilight belong to me. All rights go to Stephenie Meyer.

I recall your soul had a taste like Gardens, flowers, Warm Winds, Warm Winds By SZA FT. Isaiah Rashad

The ride to the hospital was a little hazy and disorientating but I had made it just fine. I was sitting in the hospital room while a nurse was checking my vitals. The double doors had burst open and I see my dad and Bella rushing over to me.

“Fleur, are you okay?” Dad asked. He then saw Tyler sitting on another bed next to me.

“You and I are gonna talk!”

“I’m fine dad calm down.”

“I’m sorry Fleur I really tried to stop.”

“I know it’s okay, I know you didn’t mean for any of this to happen.”

“No it sure as hell is not okay!”

“Dad, it wasn’t his fault really. Go easy on him.”

“I will not, you could’ve been killed, do you realize that?”

“I do dad but I wasn’t, I am fine. I just got a bump on the back of my head.”

“You boy can kiss your licenses goodbye.”

“Dad...”

The double doors opened again and I was met with a familiar face, Carlisle Cullen had entered the room.

“I heard one of the chiefs daughters was here. I got this one Jackie” He said smiling as he approached me.

“Oh doctor Cullen hello.” Dad said.

“Let’s see here Fleur, it seems you took quite a spill. How are you feeling?”

“Uh, my head is a little sore from when I hit the concrete but other than that I feel fine.”

“Look here for me, your vitals look good and you luckily enough don’t have a concussion but you might experience some disorientation from the adrenaline you had. I’m going to prescribe some pain pills please wait here for me to write that up for you. After that you’re good to go.”

“I’m so sorry Fleur I really am...” Tyler was soon interrupted by the curtains being pulled in front of his face.

“Great, thanks Dr.Cullen.”

“No problem.”

“You, this would’ve been a whole lot worse if Jasper didn’t get to her.” Bella said.

“Uh oh.” I thought to myself I knew someone would’ve seen him.

“Jasper? I like that boyfriend of yours more and more everyday. He’s your son right?” Dad said.

Carlisle looked up before looking back down quickly at my chart.

“Yeah he is his son dad, I mean he got to her so quickly is was amazing.” Bella continued.

“Oh, umm Bella... Could you tell Jasper I’m okay I’m sure he’s freaking out too.”

“Yeah, no problem.”

Bella turned and left, Carlisle must’ve been wrong, I had to be concussed. Bella being civil with me? What alternate universe did I enter just now?

POV Change: Bella’s POV

I went to go find Jasper not just for Fleur but, I was also curious how could he of gotten to her so quickly. He was across the lot from us something was going on with this family and I was going to find out what. I was just about to turn the corner when I heard Edward, Rosalie, and Jasper talking.

“This is really bad, 15 students saw what happened Jasper I understand why you did it of course but still.” Rosalie said

“You should’ve thought this through a bit better Jasper.” Edward added.

“Look I wasn’t going to let her get crushed to death by a van. I know you would’ve done the same thing for Bella.”

Edward just looked at him angrily. Carlisle ended the stare down quickly as he noticed I was listening from the corner.

“I think we should continue this in the my office.”

“Jasper, Edward, can I talk to you two?”

They both approached me, looking apprehensive as if they didn’t know what I was going to ask.

“Jasper first off, Fleur wanted to say that she was alright, she didn’t want you worrying about everything. Second h-how did you get over to her so fast?”

Before Jasper could answer, Edward had interjected.

“He was standing right next to her Bella.”

“No he was not, he was standing across the lot with you.”

Edward let out a soft laugh before continuing.

“You hit your head when Fleur pushed you out of the way, you must be confused.” Edward said.

“I know what I saw. Stop trying to make me out to be a liar!” I said getting angry

“And what exactly was that?” Edward asked.

Jasper just stood there, he wasn’t getting much of a chance to talk. It was hard to be around Bella. He was getting more thirsty at the minute but, he continued to stand there not knowing what to do.

“He stopped the van, he pushed it with his hand! Did you not see the dent he left in it?”

“Well no one’s going to believe so...”

“I wasn’t going to tell anybody. I just need to know the truth.”

“Can’t you just thank Jasper for saving your sister and get over it?” Edward said curtly.

I looked at Jasper and quickly said a “Thank you.” I then looked back at Edward.

“You aren’t going to let this go are you?”

“No, not at all.”

“Then I hope you enjoy disappointment.” Edward said before walking away, dragging Jasper along with him.

I scoffed before turning around going back to the hospital room. I would have to tell Fleur about this later... if she’d let me.

POV Change: Jasper

Once Bella was out of ear shot I smacked Edward on the back of the head.

“What the hell was that?” I asked

“What do you mean.”

“You wouldn’t even let me get a sentence in.”

“I was trying to save you... I could hear your thoughts. You weren’t coming up with something fast enough.”

“You didn’t exactly do a very good job on it! I mean c’mon Edward you said “no one’s going to believe you.” How much more suspicious can you get than that!”

“I’m sorry Jasper.”

“Sure you are.” I then stormed out of the hospital wanting to go back home.

POV Change: Fleur

“Here you are Fleur, there is your write up. I already notified your Pharmacy. They should be done in an hour.” Carlisle said

“Thank you Doctor, I appreciate it.”

“No problem, call me if you experience any bad side effects with the medication.”

“I will, have a good evening.”

Carlisle left soon after. Dad helped me up and carried my book bag and purse for me.

“Dad you don’t have to do that, I can carry my own stuff.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Who’s going to get my car, I left it at school.”

Bella had come back after talking to Jasper, she seemed confused about something.

“Oh uh, I’ll take you to school tomorrow, you can pick it up that way.” Bella suggested.

“Sure that sounds fine... are you okay with taking me tomorrow?”

“It’s not a problem.” She said... she had a slight smile on her face.

“Thanks.”

“I’m gonna drop you girls off at the house. I’ll get your medicine and then get something for dinner okay?”

“Yeah sounds good.” I said.

“Sure.” Bella said.

The drive was nice, quiet but, it wasn’t filled with tension. It was the most comfortable I had ever been around Bella. It felt strange the last time there relationship was like this was when the were 4. It seems like such a distant memory, but a fond one to her. As much as I tried to fight it, it hurt to always fight with her sister. Deep down, she loved her, and hoped Bella felt that way too. When we got back to the house I had started to head toward the door when Bella walked next to me.

“Hey, uh... do you mind talking to me tonight in your room?”

“I don’t mind at all.”

“Thanks, and uh... thanks for pushing me out of the way.”

“No problem.” I said.

It was 6 by the time dad had left again, I was up in my room wanting to finish that essay for English when a heard a soft knock on the door.

“Come in! It should be unlocked.” I said

Bella had come in, she looked nervous as if she didn’t know what to do.

“Umm, I have a lot to say, do you mind if I sit down?”

“Go ahead, I won’t stop you. Is something wrong?”

“How can you be so nice to me? After all the things I’ve done to you?” She asked.

“Hey I haven’t been completely innocent... I’ve said some pretty hurtful things to you too. It’d be insane to say I haven’t hurt you as much as you hurt me.” I said.

“I think I deserved them... I didn’t exactly stick up much for you when mom was... well you know.”

“I think we both need to let this 13 year grudge go... you have to admit, it’s exhausting.”

“Yeah, I agree.”

“Let’s start over shall we? I think it’s sad, we’re twin sisters and usually can’t stand being in the same room as each other.” I said

“Yeah, let’s start over...Geez it’s crazy... It feels like a weight has just fallen off my shoulders.” Bella replied.

“Me too.”

She then surprised me by pulling me in for a hug. Was it awkward? Of course it was but, it’s Bella she’s always been awkward.

“Is there anything else you wanted to talk about?”

“Yeah, uhh... do you remember much of what happened at the accident?”

“Uh oh.” I thought to myself for the second time today.

“I honestly don’t remember much after hitting my head. I blacked out for a bit. Why?” I lied easily.

“Uh... nothing it’s just Jasper seemed to have stopped the van with his bare hands.”

“Really?” I asked in fake shock.

“Yeah... he hasn’t done anything else like that before has it?”

“Not that I can think of.”

“Oh...”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Go for it.”

“What’s going on with you and Edward... Seems like there’s some tension there.”

“I honestly don’t know... one minute he’s nice to me and the next he’s snapping at me.”

“I think he likes you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I mean when I first started dating Jasper, he was the same way around me.”

“So what do I do?”

“Just let him get to know you, warm up to him a bit. You never know what can happen.”

“Thanks I will... I’ll leave you alone now.”

“Okay, come back up if you need anything else.”

“I will... and Fleur?”

“Yes?”

“Love you.”

I was shocked, I hadn’t heard her mutter those words to me in so long.

“Love you too.”

#jasper hale x oc #jasper hale #jasper hale x reader #emmett cullen #rosalie hale #esme cullen #carlisle cullen #edward cullen #bella swan #twilight #twilight saga

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unpopularwiththepopulace · 3 years

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Michael Riedel vs Bernadette Peters – the Broadway Battle of 2003 and beyond

My previous piece gives a fairly comprehensive look at Bernadette and Gypsy through the ages; though there is at least one aspect of the 2003 revival that warrants further discussion:

Namely, Michael Riedel.

Today’s essay question then: “Riedel – gossip columnist extraordinaire, the “Butcher of Broadway”, spited male vindictive over not getting a lunch date with Bernadette Peters, or puppet-like mouthpiece of theatre’s shadowed elite? Discuss.”

It’s matter retrievable in print, or even kept alive in apocryphal memory throughout the theatre community to this day that Riedel was responsible for a campaign of unrelenting and caustic defamation against Bernadette as Rose in Gypsy around the 2003 season.

While “tabloids may [have been] sniping and the Internet chat rooms chirping”, when looking back at the minutiae, none were more vocal, prolific or influential in colouring early judgment than the “chief vulture [of] Mr. Riedel, who had written a string of vitriolic columns in which he said from the start that Ms. Peters was miscast”.

He continued to find other complaints and regularly attack her in print over an extended period of time.

Why? We’ll get there. There are a few theories to suggest. Firstly, how and what.

Primary to establish is that it perhaps would be foolish to expect anything else of Riedel.

Also an author and radio and TV show host, Riedel is best known as the “vituperative and compulsively readable” theatre columnist at The New York Post.

He’s a man who thrives on controversy, decrying: “Gossip is life!”

The man who says, “I’m a wimp when it comes to physical violence, but give me a keyboard and I’ll kill ya.”

“Inflicting pain, for him, is a jokey thing. ‘Michael has this cruel streak and a lack of empathy,’ says Susan Haskins, his close friend and co-host.”

And inflicting pain is what he did with Bernadette, in a saga that has become one of the most talked about and enduring moments of his career.

From the beginning, then.

Riedel started work at The Post in 1998.

His first words on Bernadette? “Oddly miscast in the Ethel Merman role,” in August of that year on Annie Get Your Gun. It was a sentiment he would carry across to his second mention six months later (“a seemingly odd choice to play the robust Annie Oakley”), and also across to the heart of his vitriolic coverage on her next Merman role in Gypsy.

Negative coverage on Bernadette in Gypsy started in August 2002 when Riedel discussed the search for trying to find a new American producer for the show. It had initially been reported in late 2000 that a Gypsy revival with Bernadette was planned for London, before it was to transfer to Broadway. To begin with, Arthur Laurents was “eager to do Gypsy in London because it hadn't been seen in the West End since 1973”, and he “wanted to repeat [the] dreamlike triumph” he said Angela Lansbury’s production had been. But economic matters prevented this original plan, leaving the team looking for new producers in the US. Riedel suggested that Fran and Barry Wiessler step up as, “after all, they managed to sell the hell out of "Annie Get Your Gun," in which Peters…was also woefully miscast.”

He also quipped: “Industry joke: "Bernadette Peters in 'Gypsy'? Isn't she a little old to be playing Baby June?”, calling her “cutesy Peters” and again a “kewpie doll”.

Bernadette here seen side by side with the actual Baby June of the 2003 production – Kate Reinders.

Other publications to this point had discussed her “unusual” casting. Which was fairly self-evident. In contrast to being a surprising revelation that Bernadette Peters was not, in fact, Ethel Merman, this had been the intention from the start. Librettist Arthur “Laurents – whose idea it was to hire her – [said] going against type is exactly the point,” and Sam Mendes, as director, qualified “the tradition of battle axes in that role has been explored”.

It was Riedel who was the first to shift the focus from the obvious point that she was ‘differently cast’, to instead attach the negative prefix and intone that she was actually ‘MIS’ cast. According to him then, she was unsuitable, and would be unable to “carry the show, dramatically or vocally”. All before she had so much as sung a note or donned a stitch of her costume.

So no, it wasn’t then “the perception, widely held within the theater industry,” as he presented it, “that Peters is woefully miscast as Mama Rose”.

It was Riedel’s perception. And he took it, and ran with it, along with whatever else he could throw into the mix to drag both her and the show down for the next two years.

As to another indication of how one single columnist can influence opinion and warp wider perception, just look to Riedel’s assessment of the show’s first preview. It is typically known as Riedel’s forte to “[break] with Broadway convention, [where] he attends the first night of previews, and reports on the problems…before the critics have their say”. This gives him “clout” by way of mining “terrain that goes relatively uncovered elsewhere”, and it means subsequent journals are frequently looking to him from whom to take their lead – and quotes.

At Gypsy’s opening preview then, he reported visions of “Arthur Laurents [charging] up the aisle…on fire”, loudly and vocally expressing his dissatisfaction with the show as he then “read Fox [a producer] the riot act”. Despite the fact that this was “not true, according to Laurents,” the damage was already done, with the sentiment of trouble and tension being subsequently reprinted and distributed out to the public across many a regional paper.

News travels fast, bad news travels faster.

And news can be created at an ample rate, when in possession of one’s own regular periodical column. This recurring domain allowed plentiful opportunity for attack on Bernadette and Gypsy, and Riedel “began devoting nearly every column to the subject,” which amounted to weekly or even more frequent references.

As the show progressed beyond its first preview, Riedel brought in the next aspects of his smear-campaign – assailing Bernadette for missing performances through illness and accusing Ben Brantley, who reviewed the show positively in The New York Times, of unfair favouritism and “hyperbolic spin”.

The issue is not that Bernadette was not in fact ill or missing performances. She was. She had a diagnosis at first of “a cold and vocal strain”, that then progressed more seriously to a “respiratory infection” the following week, and was “told by her doctors that she needs to rest”. So rest she did.

The issue is the way in which Riedel depicted the situation and her absences via hyperbole and “insinuating she was shirking” responsibility. He went further than continual, repeated mentions and cruel article titles like “wilted Rose”, or “sick Rose losing bloom”, or “beloved but - ahem-cough-cough-ahem - vocally challenged and miscast star”. He went as far as the sensationalist and degrading action of putting “Peters' face on the side of a milk carton, the kind of advertisement typically used to recover lost children,” and asking readers to look out for “bee-stung lips, [a] high-pitched voice, [and a] kewpie doll figure”, who “may be clutching a box of tissues and a love letter from Ben Brantley”.

It was quantified in May of 2003 after the show had officially opened, that “out of the 39 performances "Gypsy" has played so far, [Bernadette] has missed six – an absence rate of 15 percent.”

As an interesting comparison, it was reported in The Times in February 2002 that “‘The Producers' stars Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick have performed together only eight times in last 43 performances due to scheduling problems and health concerns,” – an absence rate of 81%.

Did Riedel have anything nearly as ardent to say about the main male stars of the previous season’s hit missing such a rate of performances? Of course not.

Riedel arguably has a disproportionate rate for criticising female divas.

One need only heed his recommendations that certain women check into his illuminatingly named “Rosie's Rest Home for Broadway Divas.” Divos need not apply.

Not that he was unaware of this.

In 2004, Riedel would jovially lay out that “Liz Smith and I have developed a nice tag-team act: I bash fragile Broadway leading ladies who miss performances, and she rides to their rescue.”

Donna Murphy was the recipient of what he that year dubbed his “BERNADETTE PETERS ATTENDANCE AWARD”, when she began missing performances in “Wonderful Town”, due to “severe back and neck injuries and a series of colds and sinus infections”.

This speaks to his remarkably cavalier and joyful attitude with which he tears down shows and performers. “The more Mr. Riedel's work upsets people, the more he enjoys it.”

He knows he yields influence – it was recognised he had “eclipsed Ben Brantley as the single most discussed element in marketing meetings for Broadway shows” – and he delights in his capacity to lead shows to premature demises through his poison-tipped quill yielding.

When it was reported Gypsy would be closing earlier than had been planned, he made mention of “hop[ping] around on [its] grave” and debonairly applauding himself, “I suppose I can take some credit for bringing it down”.

His premonition from the previous year’s Tony’s ceremony was both ominous and prescient, when he predicted the show’s failure to win any awards “could spell trouble at the box office”. He was right. It did. The 8.5 million dollar revival closed months before anticipated and failed to return a profit.

Multiple factors can be attributed to Gypsy’s poor success at the Tony’s, but it’s clear to say Riedel’s continual bashing leading up to the fated night throughout the voting period certainly didn’t help matters.

His suggestions to do with Bernadette’s performances were not helpful either.

After alleging Laurents as the director of the 1991 revival “practically beat a performance out of” Tyne Daly when she was struggling with the role, he proffers that to improve Bernadette’s success, “it may be time for [Laurents] to take up the switch and thrash one out of Peters”.

Great.

It was irresponsible and unrelenting commentary that did not go unnoticed.

His “ruthless heckling of beloved Broadway star Ms. Peters” was deemed in print “his most egregious stunt so far”.

Vividly, in person, Riedel was accosted at a party one night by Floria Lasky, the venerable showbiz lawyer, who “grab[bed] Riedel’s tie and jerk[ed] it, nooselike, scolding, ‘It was unfair, what you did to Bernadette’”.

Moreover, the wide-reaching influential hold Riedel occupied over the environment surrounding Gypsy was tangible in the fact his words spread beyond just average readers, and even unusually “started seeping into the reviews of New York's top critics”. Riedel himself, as the “chief vulture”, was indeed what Ben Brantley was referring to in his own New York Times review by stating how the production was “shadowed by vultures predicting disaster”.

Even more substantially, the “whole Peters-Riedel-Brantley episode” became its own enduring cultural reference – being converted into its very own “satiric cabaret piece, ‘Bernadette and the Butcher of Broadway’”. All three parties were featured, with Riedel characterised as the butcher, and it played Off-Broadway later in 2003 “to positive notices”.

But penitent for his sins and begging for absolution Riedel was not. “Riedel saw nothing but a great story and a great time,” and for many years after, he would continue to hark back to the matter in self-referential (almost reverential) and flippant ways.

In 2008 as Patti LuPone won her Tony for her turn as Rose in the subsequent revival, Riedel couldn’t help but jibe, “Not to rip open an old wound, but I'd love to know if Bernadette Peters was watching”. (He neglects also to mention that “Mendes’s Gypsy was seen by 100,000 more people than saw Laurents’s and grossed $6 million more”.)

More jibes are to be found in 2012 as he reported on the auction after Arthur Laurents’ funeral, or even as recently in 2019, as he asked, “Remember the outcry that greeted Sam Mendes’ Brechtian “Gypsy,” with Bernadette Peters, in 2003?”

As with in 2004 where he points to the “pack of jackals who have been snarling” about Bernadette’s failures, this brings up the canny knack Riedel has of offloading his views to bigger and detached third party sources – thus absolving himself of personal centrality, and thus culpability.

If there was an outcry, HE was its loudest contributor. If there were snarling jackals, HE was their leader.

Maybe Riedel’s third person detached approach to referencing matters was intended to be a humorous stylistic quirk for those in the know. Or maybe it was his way of expressing some inner turmoil over the event.

In some rare display of morality and emotional authenticity, Riedel would at one point admit “I find it kind of sad and pathetic that the high point of my life supposedly has been about beating up on Bernadette Peters”.

Fortunately for him then, a degree of absolution was eventually achieved in 2018, where Riedel visited Bernadette at her opening night in Hello Dolly in 2018, with the intention of ending their “15-year feud”. He “got down on one knee at Sardi’s and extended his hand,” with Bernadette reportedly yelling “Take a picture!” while he held his deferential and obsequious position on the floor.

So if eventually this “feud” has some kind of circular resolution and Riedel was glad it was over, why on earth did it begin in the first place?

One notion is that it was simply another day on the job. Riedel is a man who sees Broadway as “a game for rich people”. Positioned as an “an industry that brought in $720.9 million in the 2002-2003 season”, it is “not a fragile business”, he remarked. As such, he “[could not] fathom the point of donning kid gloves” in covering it, and reasoned the business as a whole was robust enough to weather a few hard knocks. “Thus, Riedel can coolly view Bernadette Peters as fair game, as opposed to, say, a national treasure”.

More to the point, he was a man in search of words. During the season in question, Riedel was “one of just three New York newspaper columnists covering the stage” – a “throwback to a bygone era when…Broadway gossipmeisters…such as Walter Winchell and Dorothy Kilgallen ruled”. Now at the time, as the “last of a great tabloid tradition”, Riedel presided over not just one but two columns a week at The Post. As a result, he was in need of content. “One of the reasons I've become more opinionated is I just have more space to fill,” he admitted. Robert Simonson hypothesises in his book ‘On Broadway Men, Still Wear Hats’ that Riedel may have consequently picked “the thrashing of Bernadette” as his main target simply because “it was a slow news cycle”. Options for ‘titillating’ and durable content were scarce elsewhere that season.

And after all, if Riedel would later cite Bernadette in an article concerning the Top 10 Powerhouses of Broadway in 2004, saying even despite a few knocks or bad shows, “she’ll bounce back” – surely there was no real damage done.

If her career wouldn’t be toppled by his continual public defamation and haranguing, what was the harm?

Feelings? Who cares about feelings or Bernadette’s extremely complex and personal history with the show stretching back to when she was a teenager.

It was just part of the territory, there was nothing personal in it.

Or was there?

Maybe there was something personal in Riedel’s campaign after all.

He makes a curious comment while discussing ‘A Raisin in the Sun’ in 2004. The then incoming star of the show, rapper P. Diddy, had invited Riedel to dinner, and he makes judgement that this was “a smart p.r. move”. Then he ponders, “you do have to wonder: If Bernadette Peters had broken bread with me this time last year, would her chorus boys have to be out there now working the TKTS line to keep "Gypsy" afloat?”

Might he be going as far to suggest that if Bernadette had indulged him in a meal, her show might not have suffered so, by way of him being more inclined to cover it with greater lenience?

It may seem that way, at least in considering how Riedel reviewed P. Diddy’s performance thus after their dinner: “Riedel pronounced himself impressed. ‘He could have forgotten his lines or had to be carried offstage. He didn’t do anything terrible, he didn’t do anything astonishing.’”

Seemingly all the rapper had to do was remember some words and remain physically onstage, and he sails through scot-free. That’s a rather different outcome, one could say, to being absolutely eviscerated for what became a Tony nominated effort at one of the appreciably hardest and most demanding musical theatre roles in existence.

Though perhaps it’s hard to tell if that was really his insinuation from just one isolated comment pertaining to lunch.

This argument might be fine, if it WAS the only isolated comment pertaining to wanting Bernadette to have lunch with him. But it isn’t. Riedel continues to make a further two references over protracted periods of time to the fact Bernadette hasn’t dined with him.

One begins to get the sense of him feeling desiring of or somewhat entitled to such a private lunch with the lady he’s verbally decimated for years, and a sense of bitter rejection that he hasn’t been granted one.

“If Tonya Pinkins doesn't win the Tony Award this year, I'll buy Bernadette Peters lunch,” he simpered, and later, “I invite Bernadette to be my guest for lunch at a restaurant of her choosing. She can reach me at The Post anytime she's hungry”.

The embittered columnist in this light takes on now the marred tinge of a small boy in the playground who doesn’t get to hold the hand of the girl he wants in front of his friends, so spends the next three years pushing her over in the sandpit in revenge.

Moreover, the last statement makes undeniable comment on Bernadette’s troubled relationship with food, body image and public eating.

So now not only so far has he insulted and mocked her physical appearance and played into all the usual trite shots calling her a “kewpie doll”; suggested Arthur Laurents violently hit her in order to elicit a better performance; continually publicly harassed her regarding a show that strikes close to the nerve with deep personal and psychological resonances due to her mother and childhood; but now he’s going for the low-blows of ridiculing her over her eating habits.

Flawless behaviour.

Maybe it’s far-fetched to suggest a man would have such a fragile ego to run a multi-year public defamation campaign after so little as not getting his hypothesised fantasy of a personal lunch date. But then again, this was the man who “left Johns Hopkins University after his first year because of a broken heart.” (“I was in love with her; she wasn't in love with me,” he said.)

And also the man described as “an insomniac who pops the occasional Ambien,” living in a “small one-bedroom” that is “single-guy sloppy”, who has “been living alone since a four-year romance ended in 1996”.

The man whose own best friend called “cruel” and with a “lack of empathy”.

The man whose own sister answered that “well, yes,” he’s always been mean; and after being picked on as a kid for “being the small guy and the intellectual”, he grew dependent on using “his verbal ability to beat someone” and put himself in positions of defensive impenetrability.

See, writing Riedel-esque, vindictive and provocative conjecture is no especially challenging or cerebral task.

Riedel may well see his approach to ‘journalism’ or reporting as “all fun and games”.

But I for one am not laughing.

One final aspect to address when considering Riedel’s reasoning for the depth of his coverage on Bernadette demands attention of how he gets his information. His own personal opinions and motivations aside, crucially he depends on insider providers for insider details. Perhaps somewhat alarmingly then, “leading Broadway producers themselves are among his sources”.

“Half of Broadway hates him. The other half leaks to him”, John Heilpern titled his 2012 Vanity Fair profile on Riedel.

As such, in frequently taking his lead from “theater folk, usually with an ax to grind”, Riedel acts as the mouthpiece to bring secretive backstage reports out front. High-up, influential characters are thus able to funnel their agendas into public view, while keeping their identities hidden.

Notably, it was raised in the above article that Riedel’s “merciless running story” regarding Bernadette in Gypsy “was fed by none other than its renowned librettist, Arthur Laurents—or, more precisely, by Laurents's lover”.

Contrary to the smiley picture below between members of the show’s creative team and it’s beloved star, it was no secret that Laurents did not like Mendes’ 2003 revival. Laurents told Riedel that “Sam did a terrible disservice to Bernadette and the play, and I wanted a Gypsy seen in New York that was good… You have to have musical theater in your bones, and Sam doesn't”. In fact, Laurents admitted the only reason his 2009 book ‘Mainly on Directing’ came into existence was because of how much he had to criticise about the show – it grew out of the extensive set of notes he gave Mendes.

Additionally, it was no secret that Laurents’ lover, Tom Hatcher, demonstrated both a desire and capacity to influence Arthur’s productions. As well as being the driving force for the 2009 Spanish-speaking reworking of West Side Story, Hatcher had intense investment in Gypsy specifically. Patti LuPone writes in her memoir, “From his deathbed, Tom had told Arthur, ‘You have to do Gypsy, and you have to do it with Patti’. It was one of his dying wishes”. Laurents himself, in corroboration of this, explained Tom’s reasoning – “he didn't want the Sam Mendes production to be New York's last memory of Gypsy”.

The allegation in Heilpern’s profile might be hard to prove from an outsider perspective. But given that neither were happy with Mendes’ production and both actively took steps to ensuring it would be superseded in memory, it is not completely implausible.

Overarchingly, as much as Riedel’s writing may benefit FROM insider sources, it is said he does not write in benefit OF them. For instance, although friends with Scott Rudin in 2004, an animated (nay threatening) warning from Mr Rudin asking Riedel to “back off” from “slamming” his show, Caroline or Change, seemingly “had no impact”.

That’s not to cite total impartiality or exemption from personal connections and higher up influences colouring his reports of shows. Theatre publicist John Barlow would describe that sometimes “if you ask Michael to kill [one of his pieces], he will, if it’s someone with whom he does business”.

But it would be remiss not to mention that his influences and sources stretch beyond just the big wigs. Amongst his other informants too are the more lowly, overlooked folk like “the stagehands, the ushers, chorus kids, house managers, and press agents… the guys who build sets in the Bronx”. Basically, for anyone who’ll talk, Riedel will listen.

“Michael Riedel doesn't work for the producers or the publicists; he works for the reader,” one publicist said. “Sometimes we're glad of that, sometimes we're not-but at the end of the day, that's the reality.”

Sometimes he’s nice, sometimes he’s not – but the world goes round.

Through all that’s been explored, it should be stated how painful and injurious it must be for individual performers or shows to fall upon the unmitigated, maiming force of being on the wrong side of Riedel’s favour. The way he approached coverage on Bernadette is deplorable from an emotional and personal standpoint. Some would argue that it was too far and crossed a line and was most definitely unfair. Others would say it was justified. It’s hard not to sound petulant as the former, or heartless as the latter.

While his actions may indeed be abrasively wounding in isolated (often plentiful) cases, it’s unreasonable to say Riedel’s intentions would be to cripple the Broadway industry as a whole. There are those who purport that Riedel in fact “keeps Broadway alive with his controversies”. His words may not always be ‘nice’ but it’s difficult to argue they're not engaging.

Many are quick to criticize or react impassionedly to him and his columns; but few are quick to stop reading them. And Riedel “knows that the most important thing is being well read”.

Hence it is understandable why Riedel is appraised as “the columnist Broadway loves to hate”. Through his enthralling and stimulating bag of linguistic and dramatic tricks, Riedel knows how to keep the readers coming back. “He’s lively, and he makes the theater seem like an interesting place,” one producer did reason.

“There are times when no one's going to care about Broadway if you don't have a gossip angle that focuses on the backstage drama,” opined George Rush, the Daily News gossip columnist who was once Riedel's boss.

Perhaps it is logically and principally then, if somewhat cynically, a matter of believing “it's just business” and knowing how to “play the game”.

As Riedel himself would rationalise, “It’s all an act. You gotta have a gimmick, as they say in Gypsy.”

It may not be pleasant, but in a world increasingly dependent on sensationalistic and clickbait-driven engagement, it’s probably not going to change any time soon.

Well then, if he can live with the toll of the position of moral tumult his column puts him in, so be it.

That he described his mind as being “constantly on the next deadline”, saying “I always think about the column”, and likening writing it to “standing under a windmill”, where “you dodge one blade, but there's always another one coming right behind it”, may be some indication that he can't. At least not wholly easily.

I’ll leave that to him to figure out. Off the record.

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yurtletheturtlehenderson · 3 years

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COSMIC - S1:E1; Chapter One, The Vanishing of Will Byers - [Pt. 3 - FINAL]

A Will Byers x Male!Reader Series

𝘖𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘢 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥'𝘴 𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘦, 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘨 𝘞𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘴 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘧𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨. 𝘏𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘨𝘳𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘶𝘥𝘥𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘶𝘥𝘥𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘣𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦, 𝘢 𝘨𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘱 𝘰𝘧 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥.

|| 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫'𝐬 𝐏𝐎𝐕 ||

The bell rang, signaling the end of class. The guys and I were quick to pack up our belongings before making a beeline for Mr. Clarke's desk, eager to see if the Heathkit came. All the while Mr. Clarke was reminding the already fleeting class of our homework assignment.

"Remember, finish chapter 12 and answer 12.3 on the difference between an experiment and other forms of science investigation. This will be on the test, which will cover chapters 10 through 12. It will be multiple choice with an essay section." His voice faltered towards the end of his sentence as he realized no one had been paying attention.

His head turned to us and he didn't seem too surprised to see us so eager. Mike couldn't take the wait any longer and spoke up on the behalf of all of us.

"So, did it come?"

Mr. Clarke looked solemn. "Sorry, guys," Our heads began to hang in disappointment at his words. "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but... It came!"

My face lit up with relief. We followed Mr. Clarke down the halls in anticipation. Mike got to the door first and eagerly threw it open, the rest of us close on his tail.

"Yes!"

Since Mike was the first through the door, naturally he dove for the desk chair as the rest of us scuttled over each other, each of trying to get a close look at it. Lucas and I seemed to have the same idea as we fiddled with the knobs on the Heathkit as Mr. Clarke addressed the new device we were all so eager to see.

"The Heathkit ham shack," The boys and I were in awe.

"Ain't she a beaut?" Mr. Clarke sighed. Dustin then spoke up. "I bet you could talk to New York on this thing."

"Think bigger." Said Mr. Clarke. I rose my eyebrow and looked to my teacher as I questioned, "California?"

"Bigger." 'No way.'

"Australia?" Mike pressed. We all turned out heads hopefully to Mr. Clarke as he responded with a smile and the shake of his head. We all exclaimed.

"Oh man," Lucas chuckled in excitement. "When Will sees this, he's totally gonna blow his shit." My smile faltered at the mention of Will, as Mr. Clarke scolds Lucas for his foul language. Lucas apologized turning back to the Heathkit, and I shake my head slightly trying to get my mind off of Will.

Lucas seems to have found the right settings on the dials based on the high pitch frequencies coming out of the Heathkit. Mike has the headphones on and begins to speak into the mic in an Australian accent.

"'Ello, this is Mike Wheela', president of Hawkins Middle AV Club."

Dustin then practically ripped the headphones off of Mike's head, a big goofy grin on his face as he placed them on his head. Mike was in a fit of giggles as he spoke. "What are you doing?" Dustin proceeded to do the exact same thing as Mike just moments ago.

"'Ello, this is Dustin, and this is the secretary and treasurer of Hawkins Middle AV Club. Do you eat kangaroos for breakfast?" I giggle, shaking my head thinking about the poor confused soul who is stuck listening to the boys ramble on. As Lucas grabs for the headphones, I turn around so I'm facing Mr. Clarke, and I give a polite, yet warm smile. "Thank you."

"You're very welcome Mr. Henderson," He returned the smile, seeming appreciative of the fact that at least one of us said 'Thank you'. He has always been a great teacher, and I don't think anybody ever really appreciates or even thanks him very much. I can't imagine how frustrating it can be as a teacher. I laugh to myself at the sight of my friends playfully fighting over who gets to use it next, when our fun gets cut short at the sound of a knock on the door. We all turn our heads to see the Principle walk in, a couple of men behind him.

"Sorry to interrupt, but, uh, may I borrow Y/N, Michael, Lucas, and Dustin?" To say my stomach dropped would be an understatement as I got a better look at the men out in the hallway and realized it was the Chief and one of his officers.

My mouth ran dry.

'Will.'

The four of were seated on the couch in the Principal's office, Chief Hopper, and officer Callahan - I believe his name was - seated in chairs opposite us. I was seated between Mike and Dustin, I kept my mouth shut unless told otherwise, and my hands have woven together in my lap, much too afraid to do otherwise. The boys, on the other hand, were freaking out and all trying to speak at once. I tried nudging them warningly with my elbows but they just ignored me. It seemed I had made the right choice in being quiet, as Hopper seemed to have gotten impatient almost immediately.

"Okay, okay, okay. One at a time all right? You." He points Mike. Mike shakes his head. "You said he takes what?"

"Mirkwood."

"Mirkwood." His face scrunched up in confusion.

"Yes," I croaked involuntarily, wanting to explain to him that it is just our name for road.

"Have you ever heard of Mirkwood?" He turned to the officer.

"I have not. That sounds made up to me." The officer replied. This timid, awkward man gave me the impression he was more of a 'Yes-man' and knew nothing about what he was doing.

"No, it's from Lord of the Rings."

'Oh, here we go.' I think to myself, sighing.

"Well, The Hobbit."

Mike and I look at each other, knowing what's happening.

"It doesn't matter." Lucas retorted.

"Knock it off!" I warn, trying my best to throw my whisper across the couch without drawing attention to myself.

"He asked!" Dustin nearly shouted.

"Guys!" I hissed.

"'He asked'" Lucas mimicking Dustin, not even listening to me.

I looked over at Mike for help but he is already checked out.

They continue talking over each other in a childish manner and the chief leans forward trying to silence them.

"Hey, hey, hey!" They quieted down finally. "What'd I just say? One at a damn time. You." He nodded to me. He seemed to tolerate just Mike and me.

"Mirkwood, as Mike was saying. It is a real road. It's just the name that's made up, it's what we call it. It's where Cornwallis and Kerley meet." I finish.

He seems satisfied, finally having a straightforward answer. He leans back in his chair, talking now to Callahan.

"Yeah, all right, I think I know that—"

"We can show you, if you want." Mike offered hopefully, cutting the chief off mid-sentence.

"I said that I know it!"

"We can help look."

"Yeah" Dustin added hopefully.

"No."

And just like that, the boys begin to talk over each other once again. Knowing better than to waste my breath trying to shut them up, I sit back once again, hands in my lap waiting for the Chief to continue.

"No," He says loud enough to quiet the boys. "After school, you are to all go home. Immediately. That means no biking around looking for your friend, no investigating, no nonsense. This isn't some Lord of the Rings book."

"The Hobbit."

"Shut up!" Lucas gave Dustin a swat on the arm.

Dustin reached over and hit Lucas back, knocking me and Mike back in the process. I roll my eyes in annoyance, and fight every urge I have not to shout at them.

"Hey!"

Mike finally snaps. "Stop it!"

They continue hitting each other and Hopper finally leans over and says quietly, in an irritated tone. "Do I make myself clear?"

I was the only one paying attention so based on his tired, lowered voice and his eyes on me, I could tell he was just talking to me at this point.

I shook my head. "Yes," I mutter.

He nodded his head at me in thanks. All the while, the boys were still bickering. Hopper's gaze landed on the boys, and he stood up and walked forward towards us. The way his tall frame towered over us was overwhelming, and enough to shut the boys up. In a deep, intimidating voice, he repeated his words, slowly.

"Do I make myself... clear?" The boys nod their heads in fear, their necks craning up to meet his eyes.

"Yes, sir."

"Yeah."

"Yes."

⊹ ⊹ ⊹

I've been laying in my bed, staring at the ceiling for about thirty minutes, give or take a few. I had managed to do all of my school work, including my project that wasn't due for another week and a half, read three books — granted, they were fairly short — and I was still left with nothing to do but worry about Will. The fact that I'm not allowed to help is driving me crazy, even though I keep trying to tell myself the adults are better equipped to deal with this stuff. My thoughts are interrupted by the crackling of the walkie-talkie that was sitting on my dresser. Since our mom couldn't afford two walkie-talkies, Dustin and I share one. I usually have it though so I can talk to Will.

The voice coming through sounded like Mike. Rather than getting my hopes up I just decided to stay put, staring at my ceiling, listening in.

"Lucas, do you copy? It's Mike. Lucas? Over."

"Hey, it's Lucas."

"I know it's you. And say 'over' when you're done talking so I know when you're done. Over." I roll my eyes and smile.

"I'm done. Over." I chuckle at this.

"I'm worried about Will. Over." My smile quickly falls.

I can hear Lucas sigh. "Yeah. This is crazy. Over."

"I was thinking..." Now I was really paying attention. "Will could've cast Protection last night, but he didn't. He cast fireball. Over." I sat up slowly, my eyebrows furrowed at the walkie.

"What's your point? Over."

"My point is... he could've played it safe, but he didn't. He put himself in danger to help the party. Over." A bittersweet smile flutters across my face briefly at this.

"Meet me in ten. Over and out."

'To hell with adults.' I tell myself. I leap off my bed and grab the walkie, knowing they'll still be able to hear me.

"Forgetting someone? Over."

"Y/n? Over." It was Mike.

"Don't worry, I'll let Dustin know. Over and out."

I retract the walkie before shoving it into my bag and heading for Dustin's room.

⊹ ⊹ ⊹

Once I had caught Dustin up on everything, the four of us had met up and we are now currently riding down Mirkwood. The thought of my best friend disappearing right here, exactly 24 hours ago was enough to give me chills.

"Ah, man. This is it." Lucas broke the silence as we approached the barrier closing off the path where his bike was supposedly found. We all came to a stop.

For a brief moment, the woods were lit up by lighting in the distance as thunder bellowed across the sky. Dustin looked up at the blanket of clouds above the trees, his voice shaking.

"Hey, guys. You feel that?" He was obviously referring to the rain that fell on his face. I roll my eyes. "I think maybe we should go back."

"No!" Mike and I said simultaneously.

"We're not going back. Just stay close." Mike and Lucas continued on into woods. I was eager to follow them but not without trying to reassure my brother.

"Dustin, he's right. Look, I know you're scared right now, okay? I'm scared too, but can you even imagine how scared Will must be? We have to do this. For Will." I didn't wait for a reply and ran to catch up with Mike and Lucas.

Knowing my brother, he would rather stay in a group than split up. Sure enough, he gave in.

"Hey, guys, wait up!" He said, dropping his bike. "Wait up!"

We started walking again, and as we did it I could feel the rain start to soak my neck and shoulders. I pulled my hood up over my head, turning on my flashlight and set off into the night, eager to find my friend.

⊹ ⊹ ⊹

The thunder rumbled, and as we ventured deeper into the forest I could feel the light drizzle of rain evolving into a steady downpour.

"WILL!"

"WILL!" I cried.

"Byers!" Lucas yelled.

Dustin tried a different approach. "I've got your X-Men 134!"

Our flashlights were hardly making a difference at this point. Dustin spoke up again. "Guys, I really think we should turn back."

"Seriously, Dustin?" Lucas exclaimed. "You wanna be a baby, then go home already!"

"I'm just being realistic Lucas!"

"No, you're just being a big sissy."

"Did you ever think Will went missing because he ran into something bad? And we're going to the exact same spot where he was last seen? And we have no weapons or anything?"

I start to slow down once I heard something in the bushes.

"Dustin, shut up." Mike spoke up.

'Okay, thankfully, Mike must have heard it too.'

"I'm just saying, does that seem smart to you?"

"Dustin!" I snap. "Zip it!"

Now the rustling was loud and clear.

"Did you guys hear that?" Mike asks.

I just shake my head, looking around for the source of the noise. The rustling is louder than ever and we all turn in the direction it came from. All our flashlights pointed in that direction. Then we heard it again. It was right behind us. We whipped around to find a girl, with a buzz cut, wearing nothing but 'Benny's Burgers' tee t-shirt. We all stood there, mouths agape at this girl, shivering and cowering in fear.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

❥ Let me know if you would like to be added to or removed from the taglist! ❥

#you'll float queue #stranger things #will byers x reader #reader insert #cosmic #m!cosmic #y/n henderson #will byers #dustin henderson #lucas sinclair #mike wheeler #eleven #el hopper #stranger things x reader #stranger things x male!reader #x male!reader #the vanishing of will byers

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thesimperiuscurse · 3 years

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08.04

It’s The Kingston Legacy’s sixth anniversary, so here’s a throwback post to celebrate! Last month I forced myself to reread the entire legacy, and while I stopped, clicked off the tab, and emitted a soundless scream of pure cringe numerous times (I wish I was kidding)—the past generations are actually not as terrible as I remember. I think enough time has passed for me to detach myself from the childish storytelling and look back in nostalgia.

Thank you to my fellow Wordpress writers who have come along the journey, some for many years now, through every high and low. It’s astounding how much has changed in the legacy from when I was 15, and 21. Follow me down the (very) long memory lane, as I reminiscence about each story and my perspective on them now ❤

Generation 1 — Fern (2015)

To my shock, I found myself genuinely enjoying Fern’s story. I think this was because the first generation was purely me commentating on gameplay, and not trying to write a story (that’s when the cringe began). I was inspired by one of the original stories, Alice and Kev, to make a homeless sim and document her struggle for a better life: Fern, a snobby aspiring writer. Reading this, a huge wave of nostalgia hit me, and it reminded me of how wonderful Sims 3 gameplay is. Although I’m long past it now, there’s real heart and life in the design. I think it speaks about the rich personalities and quirks that I could write a whole life story off it. It was super fun making Fern camp out at Old Pier Beach, stealing from townie picnics and roasting apples on the fire, finding little ways to scrounge money, giving her a makeover in the salon, watching the townie dramas unfold around her. Although she faced homelessness two times and a shitty first husband (yeah, fuck off, Xander), Fern grew into a strong and independent yet sweet and gentle character, in love with the ocean like her great-granddaughter comes to be.

I never actually addressed this, but she (and her love Christopher) passed away in the story between the end of Gen 3 and start of Gen 4. It just felt weird to make it a big deal because they never died in game—still ‘alive’ and well, scattered across different backup saves and the bin.

Generation 2 — Briar (2015)

Briar’s story was strange, because it was half gameplay and half story, which meant that there were things that just did not... make... sense. She was quite an ‘unreliable’ character to follow because of her Insane trait. The plot revolved around her as a fresh detective, investigating supernatural phenomena in Sunset Valley. Her character arc was almost the opposite to her mother’s: a naive, optimistic, silly girl hardening through trauma into a cold and ruthless police chief. Ash’s death was the one moment I felt true sadness in this legacy, because he did really die. Imagine me actually getting emotional over my characters, lmao. Wild.

Also, Max is OP. To this day he is one of the best male characters in my legacy, a healthy and supportive best friend (to husband) in stark contrast to the following generation.

Fallen Angels — Cherry (2016-2019)

Yes. It’s this generation. Square the fuck up, Cherry. I will fight her any day. Old readers will know of my pure hatred for this story. It’s been about two years since it thankfully ended. My verdict now?

It’s not quite as horrifically shitty, Gabriel and Lilith being a lot nicer than I remembered (Gabriel’s only a bit of a dick at the start), but it still has glaring problems, such as the pacing and clumsy handling of sensitive topics. The story would have been far nicer if it focused less on Cherry and Luc’s relationship and their respective issues, more on the found family and her relationship with Gabriel (which was rushed due to me despising the story by that point). During the first chapters, I was cringing spectacularly at the combination of Luc’s initial jackass behaviour and Cherry’s whining. Toxic as FUCK. I had to skip 3.8 and 3.9 entirely. These two (because of my own shameful mistake) tainted the generation in my eyes, and even though all of the characters grew from their toxicity, I can’t really see past that guilt to the better parts of the story.

Jade has been telling me for years that this story isn’t all bad, and upon forcing myself to reread, I can see what you mean. I’m sorry LOL. Something that pleasantly surprised me was the writing quality (just the prose, not the actual story mechanics... lmfao), and Raphael, who made me smile every time he appeared. Every single careless, sarcastic line of his was a banger. The pictures are something else I like, too. Many of them stand up to the best ones in En Pointe—the fiery, gritty, industrial tones of Bridgeport just hits different. The world was rich and immersive, which is missing at the moment in En Pointe because of me being too lazy to build a proper Los Angeles world, but Act III is set in Boroughsburg so I’m excited to get back into the city scenes. 17 year old me wasn’t mature enough to tackle dark themes, but at least the visuals for them were nice, I guess. The atmosphere of the story I really enjoy. It’s just the toxic characters and way-too-angsty moments that ruin the whole thing for me.

En Pointe — Evangeline (2019-)

And here we are now! The early chapters are kinda painful to read because 1) Mako looked so ugly and 2) the dialogue was so clumsy and generic. I sighed in relief when Chapter 5 came around, because it was then both of those aspects really began to improve. Eva’s voice was simple, with her punchy remarks, much less romantic and descriptive than Cherry, so it was interesting to see her voice becoming more complex and layered as I more understood her character. Also, me visibly struggling with the natural lighting and only getting a handle on it 7 chapters later has me shaking my head.

I’m already beginning to identify issues with the story, mostly with character arcs and pacing. It’s a strange combination of fast pacing (spanning half a year in 8 chapters) and Eva becoming surprisingly comfortable with Mako’s touch due to their unusual pas de deux circumstances. It’s curious how real life time actually played into the pacing of the story—because of the slow publishing schedule, less time has passed in the story as real life, so it’s almost as if the time jumps were made up by real life time, making the jumps feel not too strange. Reading consecutively, however, Evako’s relationship growth doesn’t feel slow burn... a little underdeveloped, in a way, despite their lengthy conversations. I think that’s because of Mako being such a reserved and mysterious character, and that I’ve unconsciously come to rely on Tumblr to give more depth to the characters/relationships. Luckily, pretty much everyone who comments on the story also follows me here, so this dual-platform storytelling is okay, I suppose. I want to post more of #Mishako since there just isn’t enough time to explore their bromance in the story!

At the moment I’m not happy with the story, but it’s fine. I’m learning. There’s more than half the story to go, which means plenty of time to reflect upon the issues and improve. I’m really looking forward to Eva and Mako’s character arcs in Act III. At the moment their relationship is based on their natural chemistry and respect for each other, and since they are yet to face trials their bond isn’t super deep, but Evako are still my favourite couple in the legacy thus far, and feel much more real than any character I’ve written before. It’s been very interesting for my aro ass (and being way more logical than emotional) to figure out a dynamic that is actually compelling to me, because most of the time when I look at romance I’m just like 😐🤨 I’m liking it so far but we shall see how everything unfolds, because I have barely any idea what’s going to happen beyond Act II, lmfao.

That’s it for my incredibly long throwback! I hope it was at least nice for the OG readers, and interesting for anyone else who managed to battle through this essay, haha. This family has been an integral part of me growing up, as a person and writer and artist (what I’ve developed in visuals I apply to architecture), learning a great deal of awareness about real life through story research, which is pretty cool now that I think about it. I’m aiming to finish En Pointe by the end of 2022. I’m excited for what unexpected changes are to come!

#wordpress is being annoying like tumblr right now #they're trying to sneakily integrate the new site design into the old #pretty sure a lot of people don't like the new one #why can't i view media by month #now i have to scroll through a million pictures to find old ones #why is it selecting several when i just want to open one pic #fuck youuu #anyway #very busy week #lilaremonn #thesimperiuscurse

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mk-wizard · 3 years

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Rescue Bots and Decepticons: Opinions?

Hello, TF-Fans! Today, this essay is an answer to the question that the lovely @petrichornial and my most popular “asker” right now. How would the Rescue Bots and Team view factions and Decepticons in general. Before I get into this, I am well aware that recently in Rescue Bots Academy, the issue of good Decepticons was addressed and very nicely might I add, but ultimately, in order for them to accepted into society, they had to convert to Autobot which is kind of the norm. Also, I want to point out that the way humans view factions is significantly different from the way Autobots view factions not just because of life experiences, but also because of cultural reasons.

Being human and North American ones meaning they are very accustomed to people so vastly different, I think the Burns family would be very chill when it comes to different factions. While they would proceed with caution around Decepticons, their way thinking especially the logical and noble Chief Burns would be that the Decepticons Autobots were at war with the terrorists which isn’t wrong. If a Decepticons means no harm, I think they would be cool with it. To them, being different is natural and nothing to fear and being of a different nation, colour, race, etc. is just what a person is and has no impact on their character or morals. So I think the idea of a person being forced to convert to be accepted even if they have no criminal record and their way of life is harmless is cruel and unjust. Heck, I could picture them even being vocal about how unfair such a requirement is.

The heat is on though and the bag becomes mixed when it comes to the bots though because they are all varying shades of not trusting to trusting.

Chase is a very lawful Autobot who rigidly believes the law is absolute and the Autobot way is just as absolute meaning his views on factions would be in the most traditional light and he would be the hardest to convince otherwise. His view is that all bots would be better off being Autobots and a Decepticons having to convert to accepted is just the way things are. In his mind, converting is an act of abiding by the law and loyalty to Cybertron. This is not because he is prejudice or because he’s a bad bot. He isn’t. He is a classic case of a person being raised from birth to think a certain way because it is the “right” way and you can only be a good person if you think this way. In other words, Chase’s actions and views towards factions comes from a place of being misguided or rather, being guided with a view on the world that doesn’t make any sense. Heck, even in history, we have seen many cultures and religious groups be taught to think in such a way to ensure that they don’t stray. Trying to tell a person like Chase who was groomed to think like this that their way is in fact flawed is a shock and it is going to met with a lot of resistance, but with time and effort, I do believe is capable of having his mind changed because like I said, he’s not a bad bot. He is a good bot who was bad ideas like “Autobots good and perfect”, “all other factions wrong”, “Decepticons bad and always wrong” and “all Transformers are only most good and right when Autobots”. This would take a while though and sadly, a lot of arguments and full on fights would happen before he would see the light.

Then you have Heatwave who is not as rigid and would be cool with most factions who are not Autobot, but because of the war, he would probably have some amount of prejudice behaviour towards Decepticons. Again, not because he is bad, but in his case, because the Autobots just came out of a war. I imagine many Autobots would develop some amount of xenophobia and question if a Decepticon has any business among Autobots. Knowing Heatwave, I also imagine he wouldn’t be very nice and in fact, be outright rude to a Decepticon who refused to convert even if they were clean. In his mind, why would someone want to wear the insignia of the bad guys? However, because his xenophobia would only be from trauma, can be cured, and if anything, I think Heatwave would even start seeing the error in the Autobot ways.

Then we have Blades who to be fair is kind of afraid of everything and anyone he doesn’t know, but underneath that, he has a curious and open minded side of which he does like to learn about different cultures and even practices their rituals. Just look at how much he loves Earth movies, storytelling, games and pioneer lad activities. While he has never said, his actions tell us that he sees you as a good person if your customs involve doing things that make the world better or bring happiness to people. I think this mindset definitely extends to different factions which includes Decepticons though in the case of that faction, he would initially be afraid to admit it because he does worry how other Autobots see him. I also want to point out that Blades is an Autobot who can fly which is something you don’t see very often, but among Decepticons, this is common meaning he would find more bots like him in that faction than his own. And not just because of his helicopter mode. As much as I love the Autobots, one of the many problematic things about the Autobot way is that it is inflexible. If you’re an Autobot, you have to live like one to a tee. yes, it’s gotten better over the years, but stigma is still there on Cybertron. This wouldn’t stop Blades from being true to spark and admitting his true views and going with them.

Finally, you Boulder who would be the most tolerant of the four. It is no secret that he is unconditionally kind to everyone and looks at everything in a positive light at first glance. Even with the war, I think he would be the most open to good Decepticons and other factions, and even be for them keeping their factions while living among Autobots. After all, when living on Earth, no one told them to go human to live among humans because it was accepted that they could only be what they are. Doesn’t the same logic apply to everyone? I should also bring up that Boulder always came across as the most progressive among the four and at the risk of sounding bold, the one who I can easily picture questioning the Autobot ways namely the rigid and absolute practices. I can even picture him being at odds with many of his colleagues who don’t agree with him to the point where maybe, just maybe he would even leave for a while. Boulder is not the kind of person to side or condone hate or dominance over another person over anything. I would even go as far as saying that he would start encouraging Wedge to getting back his Decepticonhood because he is a good person as he is and doesn’t need to prove it by changing his identity. I mean, why punish the whole faction over what specific terrorists did?

Anyway, this is all just my opinion and I want to hear what you think. Thanks for reading and as always, stay safe.

-MK_Wizard

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kohakhearts · 3 years

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[bdg buy my bed voice] hey uh why do you think harry's borderline

honestly this feels like a threat thanks so much. man i'm just saying but if you ever need me to guess your identity in the future this is definitely the way to do it because i sure do associate that song with you 100% JKDHFJGKDJSHFJDK

but! anyway!!! i have so so many reasons for this and absolutely self-projection is chief amongst them but!! i do actually think it fits well with the text. actually, i don't know if i've ever like...seen a character who gives me bigger bpd vibes than harry james potter like ik a lot of people talk about characters like anakin and elsa and those are very valid but when i say harry makes me feel #seen...lmao.

tangentially related, but with characters like this i really feel like it's just...interesting to look at the circumstances of their creation. obviously, their creators weren't coding them as borderlines (well, most likely, in any case), but characters who wind up reading this way often do seem to have some form of severe childhood trauma, which tells me that, you know, for most of us our understanding of psychology leads to a very basic sense of "these Bad Things cause x traits" wherein x is "borderline," but no one's actively searching up borderline traits, because people who don't have them or know someone who does or work in the field probably can't just say what those are off the tops of their heads. and even then i wouldn't say in the case of people who are aware of what they are that it's overly deliberate; just look at me and adrienne lmao. and again - there's a character with severe childhood trauma.

so my primary argument regarding that is that, like, these characters are wholly defined by their trauma. they don't know it. maybe their creators don't even realize it. and it doesn't change their roles in the story, either. in terms of how characters are created, i think that a lot of times we "don't know" things about our own characters because our subconscious understanding of our own psychology is at play when we're writing them. that means readers who do have a more conscious awareness of it might pick up on parts of that and interpret it a different way than we intended when writing (or even than other readers). 50% of writing, i think, is reading - and this is why. readers' individual experiences are absolutely the thing most informing their understanding of a text, right after the actual words on a page.

all that being said, let's talk about harry!! i have lots to say here, so i've put everything under the cut. i did write a fic about this last year, which doesn’t lay everything out like i did here but does cite a lot of the same reasons and explores them within his actual character! amazingly, it is longer than this massive essay, but i won’t lie: it’s a close thing.

to preface, i have bpd. apparently it's not exactly lacking in severity, either. i guess i'm considering "high-functioning," but realistically i just learned really young that outwardly showing emotions = bad and happened to internalize it in such a way that even into adulthood i was more "freeze" or "fawn" than "fight." i don't think this applies to harry, but there's also the factor of his age.

i know it's a spicy take, but i do think there's a good reason why teenagers aren't supposed to be diagnosed with pds. honestly, i do even see where the whole "diagnosing an adult but not telling them about it" thing comes form too, especially with borderline. i mean...it's super easy to meld our whole personalities with the disordered part of it. however! i also think age is pretty arbitrary, and that if teenagers are displaying symptoms then there's a good chance they're not going to just "go away" once they grow up, and some dbt will do good sooner rather than later. the sole reason i think it's good to be cautious about this is because of this symptom manifestation. it'd just be stupid to say that every teenager thinks, feels, and acts the way people with bpd do. and very concerning, actually, because it's definitely not true. but they are still in the process of self-discovery and everything, so! telling them you absolutely have this highly stigmatized disorder of the personality isn't really the move (in my opinion, but hey! i get it! i really wanted a diagnosis as a teen too never mind that it made me feel horrible when my psychiatrist said he ~suspected~ i had it as an adult lmfao). all this is irrelevant, because harry isn't a real person. bpd most often develops in childhood. i think anyone who disagrees with that is totally fooling themselves.

on a side note, i've seen a lot of people say harry seems adhd as hell over the years LMAO. i would honestly agree. as it turns out, something like 1/3 of people with bpd had comorbid adhd. emotional dysregulation is the big commonality for sure.

so, what i said above, about childhood trauma. i firmly believe that harry's character is shaped by his upbringing. i do not think his character would be recognizable removed from it. it's why i could never write a wbwl/no voldemort/lily and/or james are alive au (i have an old wip of a james lives au actually, and i'd love to flesh it out and try it again (i started it when i was 12 or 13 i think), but i'd have to do a whole lot of thinking on this point first LOL). and anyone who knows me knows i love dad snape, but as much as i enjoy content of him raising harry, i struggle to imagine a scenario where harry can retain his personality as we know it in the canon if removed from the dursleys' care at an exceptionally young age. same goes for remus and sirius, or the weasleys.

the details of harry's childhood are honestly a bit vague, though. a lot of the worst details are mentioned fleetingly, and not brought up again. here's what we do know (childhood being inclusive of his (particularly young) teenage years):

"harry was used to spiders, because the cupboard under the stairs was full of them, and that was where he slept." (ps ch2)

"dudley's favourite punch-bag was harry, but he often couldn't catch him. harry didn't look it, but he was very fast." (ps ch2)

"...harry had always been small and skinny for his age. he looked even smaller and skinnier than he really was because all he had to wear were old clothes of dudley's and dudley was about four times bigger than he was." (ps ch2)

[same paragraph^] "he wore round glasses held together with a lot of sellotape because of all the times dudley had punched him on the nose." (ps ch2)

"don't ask questions - that was the first rule for a quiet life with the dursleys." (ps ch2)

"every year [on dudley's birthday] harry was left behind with mrs figg [...]. harry hated it there." (ps ch2)

"the dursleys often spoke about harry like this, as though he wasn't there - or rather, as though he was something very nasty that couldn't understand them, like a slug." (ps ch2)

also noteworthy here is that when harry suggests they leave him behind, petunia says no because she doesn't want to come back to "find the house in ruins," and as soon as they say harry will have to come with them dudley starts to cry, saying he doesn't want harry to come because he "always spoils everything." he's faking it, and knows harry knows it, since he grins at him.

prior to this, petunia had told him she wanted him to cook bacon, but we see him cooking bacon and eggs? there's no indication that she helps him here other than setting the frying pan on the stove before he comes into the kitchen. during the course of this meal, harry begins eating faster out of fear that dudley will have a temper tantrum over his birthday gifts "in case dudley turned the table over."

"but uncle vernon didn't believe him [when he said 'i'm not going to do anything' before going to the zoo]. no one ever did." (ps ch2)

"next morning, however, he had got up to find his hair exactly as it had been before aunt petunia had sheared it off. he had been given a week in his cupboard for this, even though he had tried to explain that he couldn't explain how it had grown back so quickly." (ps ch2)

"...he'd got in terrible trouble for being found on the roof of the school kitchens. dudley's gang had been chasing him as usual [...]. the dursleys had received a very angry letter from harry's headmistress telling them harry had been climbing school buildings. but all he'd tried to do (as he shouted at uncle vernon through the locked door of his cupboard) was jump behind the big bins outside the kitchen doors." (ps ch2)

"[vernon] liked to complain about things: people at work, harry, the council, harry, the bank and harry were just a few of his favourite subjects." (ps ch2)

"if there was one thing the dursleys hated even more than his asking questions, it was his talking about anything acting in a way it shouldn't, no matter if it was in a dream or even a cartoon - they seemed to think he might get dangerous ideas." (ps ch2)

"he was careful to to walk a little way apart from the dursleys so that dudley and piers [...] wouldn't fall back on their favourite hobby of hitting him." (ps ch2)

dudley punches harry in the ribs and knocks him to the floor at the zoo (i.e. in a very public setting LMAO). no one seems shocked or bothered by this.

vernon says when they get back "go - cupboard - stay - no meals," which is a punishment harry seems to have been through before: "he didn't know what time it was and he couldn't be sure the dursleys were asleep yet. until they were, he couldn't risk sneaking to the kitchen for some food." (ps ch2)

"he'd lived with the dursleys almost ten years, ten miserable years [...] he couldn't remember being in the car when his parents had died. sometimes, when he strained his memory during long hours in his cupboard, he came up with a strange vision: a blinding flash of green and a burning pain in his forehead." (ps ch2)

[same paragraph^^] "he couldn't remember his parents at all. his aunt and uncle never spoke about them, and of course he was forbidden to ask questions. there were no photographs of them in the house." (ps ch2)

"when he had been younger, harry had dreamed and dreamed of some unknown relation coming to take him away, but it had never happened; the dursleys were his only family." (ps ch2)

"at school, harry had no one. everybody knew that dudley's gang hated that odd harry potter [...] and nobody liked to disagree with dudley's gang." (ps ch2)

"by the time he was allowed out of his cupboard again [after dudley's birthday, june 23rd], the summer holidays had started," (ps ch3) don't know how long this is for, but presumably longer than a week (as it was apparently his "longest punishment" ever).

"the rest of [dudley's friends] were all quite happy to join in dudley's favourite sport: harry hunting." (ps ch3)

"no one, ever, in his whole life, had written to him. who would? he had no friends, no other relatives." (ps ch3)

when harry gets his first hogwarts letter, vernon says, "didn't we swear when we took him in we'd stamp out that dangerous nonsense?" (ps ch3)

"unce vernon did something he had never done before; he visited harry in his cupboard." (ps ch3) (note: in the second chapter, he does say that his only visitor to the cupboard is petunia.)

vernon moves harry up to dudley's second bedroom because he thinks wizards are spying on them; they have only received one letter at this point, and he seems to believe they won't receive any others if this one isn't returned.

"he shouted at harry for about half an hour and then told him to go make a cup of tea." (ps ch3)

"his birthdays weren't exactly fun - last year, the dursleys had given him a coat-hanger and a pair of uncle vernon's old socks." (ps ch3)

in the hut, they make harry sleep on the floor; he doesn't seem to expect anything else, nor does he fight for anything else (although when they're trying to eavesdrop on petunia and vernon, he and dudley fight for the better listening position! harry presumably gets punched in the face then, though; his glasses are broken again at the end of the scuffle).

when hagrid says he must know all about hogwarts, harry says no, and then immediately says "sorry" when hagrid looks shocked about this.

from vernon after harry finds out he's a wizard: "i accept there's something strange about you, probably nothing a good beating woudn't have cured - and as for all this about your parents, well, they were weirdos, no denying it, and the world's better off without them in my opinion," (ps ch4)

"he'd spent his life being clouted by dudley and bullied by aunt petunia and uncle vernon; if he was really a wizard, why hadn't they been turned into warty toads every time they'd tried to lock him in his cupboard? if he'd once defeated the greatest sorcerer in the world, how come dudley had always been able to kick him around like a football?" (ps ch4)

"the dursleys couldn't have known about [how much money is in harry's vault] or they'd have had it from him faster than blinking. how often ha they complained how much harry cost them to keep?" (ps ch5)

"aunt petunia and uncle vernon didn't shut harry in his cupboard, force him to do anything or shout at him - in fact, they didn't speak to him at all. [...] although this was an improvement in many ways, it became a bit depressing after a while." (ps ch6)

"uncle vernon dumped harry's trunk on to a trolley and wheeled it in to the station for him. harry thought this was strangely kind until..." (ps ch6)

when they leave him at the train station, they're all laughing. presumably, though, they must go back later to find he's not there, because they obviously know somehow that he got to hogwarts(?). i think harry sends them a letter at some point before christmas but i can't remember the details and don't want to read for them lol.

"he didn't know where he was going to - but it had to be better than what he was leaving behind." (ps ch6)

when ron asks, he only describes his relatives as "horrible."

"he had never had money for sweets with the dursleys." (ps ch6)

"[harry] had never had anything to share before, or, indeed, anyone to share it with."

harry is surprised that he has christmas gifts, though he has presumably gotten gifts for his own friends(?)

hermione is uncertain when she tells harry to have a good summer, because she was "shocked that anyone could be so unpleasant" (ps ch17) wrt vernon.

"ever since harry had come home for the summer holidays, uncle vernon had been treating him like a bomb that might go off at any moment." (cos ch1)

"all harry's spellbooks, his wand, robes, cauldron and top-of-the-range nimbus two thousand broomstick had been locked in a cupboard under the stairs by uncle vernon the instant harry had come home. what did the durseys care if harry lost his place on the house quidditch team [or] went back to school without any of his homework done? [...] uncle vernon had even padlocked harry's owl, hedwig, inside her cage, to stop her carrying messages to anyone in the wizarding world." (cos ch1)

"he knew it was only their terror that he might turn them all into dung beetles that stopped them from locking him in the cupboard under the stairs with his wand and broomstick." (cos ch1)

"...aunt petunia knew he hadn't really done magic, but he still had to duck as she aimed a heavy blow at his head with the soapy frying pan. then she gave him work to do, with the promise he wouldn't eat again until he'd finished." (cos ch1)

harry is given "two slices of bread and a lump of cheese" (cos ch1) for supper even after doing all that petunia asked him to ^, including manual labour outside in the garden.

he compares his living situation to dobby's, saying "and i thought i was hard-done-by staying here for another four weeks" when dobby says he's literally a slave lmao. then when dobby says he shouldn't go back to hogwarts, he says, "but i've got to go back [...] it's all that's keeping me going. you don't know what it's like here. i don't belong here." (cos ch2)

when vernon comes up, his threat is "one more sound and you'll wish you'd never been born, boy!" which actually has harry shaking (weird show of fear from a kid who in this same book faces a basilisk, imo), then he says to dobby, "see what it's like here? [... hogwarts is] the only place i've got - well, i think i've got friends." (cos ch2)

he seems (rightfully, i think; any kid would be lmao) genuinely terrified by dobby's threat with the pudding. he says, "please...they'll kill me." (cos ch2)

vernon says "just our nephew - very disturbed" to their guests and "promised harry he would flay him to within an inch of his life when the masons had left." and of course, after harry gets his warning from the ministry: "well, i've got news for you, boy... i'm locking you up...you're never going back to that school...never...and if you try and magic yourself out - they'll expel you!" (cos ch2)

"the following morning he paid a man to fit bars on harry's window. he himself fitted a cat-flap in the bedroom door, so that small amounts of food could be pushed inside three times a day. they let harry out to use the bathroom morning and evening. otherwise, he was locked in his room around the clock." and "three days later the dursleys were showing no sign of relenting [...] "the way things were going, he'd probably starve to death anyway." (cos ch2)

"harry, whose insides were aching with hunger, jumped off his bed and seized [a bowl of tinned soup]. the soup was stone cold, but he drank half of it in one gulp" and he gives the rest to hedwig. (cos ch2)

he wonders, quite genuinely, if he's going to die, and if anyone will rescue him if he doesn't show up at hogwarts in four weeks.

vernon tries to use brute force to keep him inside the house (pulls him by his ankle).

"it was difficult not to feel jealous of ron when he thought of the dursleys and what sort of welcome he could expect next time he turned up in privet drive." (cos ch5)

harry tells ron "the dursleys haven't given me pocket money for about six years." (cos ch5)

[the dursleys] had sent harry a toothpick and a note telling him to find out whether he'd be able to stay at hogwarts for the summer holidays, too." (cos ch12)

hermione asks "your aunt and uncle will be proud, though, won't they? [...] when they hear what you did this year?" to which harry responds "proud? [...] are you mad? all those time i could've died, and i didn't manage it? they'll be furious..." (cos ch18)

"for one thing, he hated the summer holidays more than any other time of the year. for another, he really wanted to do his homework, but was forced to do it in secret, in the dead of night." (poa ch1)

"yet another unusual thing about harry was how little he looked forward to his birthdays. he had never received a birthday card in his life. the dursleys had completely ignored his last two birthdays, and he had no reason to suppose they would remember this one." (poa ch1)

"[aunt marge] didn't often stay in privet drive [...] but each of her visits stood out horribly vividly in harry's memory. / at dudley's fifth birthday party, aunt marge had whacked harry around the shins with her walking stick to stop him beating dudley at musical statues. [...] she had turned up at christmas with a computerised robot for dudley and a box of dog biscuits for harry. [...] harry had accidentally trodden on the paw of her favourite dog. ripper had chased harry into the garden and up a tree, and aunt marge had refused to call him off until past midnight. the memory of this incident still brought tears of laughter to dudleys eyes." (poa ch2)

"watching harry being bullied by uncle vernon was dudley's favourite form of entertainment." (poa ch2)

vernon gives harry a false story to tell marge, that he goes to a school called st brutus's secure centre for incurably criminal boys. when harry says he'll stick to the story if vernon signs his hogsmeade form, vernon threatens to beat him but he points out that wouldn't make marge forget anything he said about magic.

"harry was bursting to say he'd rather live in an orphanage than with the dursleys." (poa ch2)

marge tells petunia to write to harry's supposed school because they're clearly "not beating him hard enough."

and, duh, harry runs away. he says "i've had enough" and tbh he's probably talking about marge specifically, but it's not really clear. could be a General statement lol. (poa ch2)

"aunt petunia always insisted that dudley was a very gifted boy whose teachers didn't understand him [...] they also skated over the accusations of bullying." (gof ch3)

"aunt petunia seemed to feel that the best way to keep up dudley's morale was to at make sure that he did, at least, get more to eat than harry." (gof ch3)

"allowing harry to go would make harry happy, something uncle vernon had struggled against for thirteen years. on the other hand, allowing harry to disappear to the weasleys' for the rest of the summer would get rid of him two weeks earlier than anyone could have hoped, and uncle vernon hated having harry in the house." (gof ch3)

"'you stand there, in the clothes petunia and i have put on your ungrateful back -' / 'only after dudley finished with them,' said harry coldly. [...] / 'i will not be spoken to like that!' said uncle vernon, trembling with rage. / but harry wasn't going to stand for this. gone were the days when he had been forced to take every single one of the dursleys' stupid rules." (gof ch3)

arthur makes the dursleys say good-bye to harry, even though harry tells him "it doesn't matter. [...] honestly, i don't care." (gof ch4)

"he had no memory of ever being hugged like this, as though by a mother." (gof ch36)

"...he had barely staggered upright when two large purple hands reached through the open window and closed tightly around his throat." (ootp ch1) worth noting that vernon stops strangling harry because "some invisible force seemed to have surged through his nephew."

mrs figg says about all the times he was brought to her house, "the dursleys would never have let you come if they'd thought you enjoyed it." (ootp ch2)

they want to throw harry out after the dementor attack. before this, harry planned to run away (again).

they leave him in the house and tell him he can't touch anything or "steal food from the fridge" and vernon says he's locking the bedroom door.

before his hearing, harry asks sirius if he gets expelled from hogwarts if he can come live with him.

"he knew how it felt to be humiliated in the middle of a circle of onlookers, knew exactly how snape had felt as his father had taunted him," (ootp ch28)

i'm going to come back to this chapter later, but! chapter 37, the lost prophecy, they talk about the dursleys quite a bit actually. harry has two lines that stick out to me: 1) "she doesn't love me. [...] she doesn't give a damn -" (about petunia) and 2) "people don't like being locked up! [...] you did it to me all last summer -" but like. gestures to above. harry has a lot of experience being locked up, and it's not something dumbledore did to him (directly, in any case).

the order of the phoenix threatens the dursleys at the end of ootp, talking about how they'll know if they're "mistreating" harry.

other than the scene at the beginning of hbp where dumbledore says, essentially, that the dursleys raised harry better than dudley by not spoiling him (really), i don't remember much in this one and i'm not about to dig too deep to find anything haha.

dh though! i'd have to put like all of chapter 3 here lmao. again, someone says something to the dursleys for not saying good-bye to harry. harry says "they think i'm a waste of space, actually, but i'm used to -"

"this was their first encounter with the fact that a full stomach meant good spirits [...]. harry was the least surprised by this, because he had suffered periods of near starvation at the dursleys'. (dh ch15)

this is not, by any means, an exhaustive list - just everything i remembered well enough to track the specific instances of down. and it's a lot longer than i thought it would be so sorry about that but! the tl;dr here is that harry was often locked up, withheld meals, treated as (an albeit ungrateful) charity case, and felt as early as age 10 that he was not loved - by anyone. exceptionally, i'd like to point out too how many people seemed to have known about it and did nothing. otherwise, it's noteworthy to me that his relatives told other people he was insane or a criminal. and it's definitely important that harry didn't know anything about his parents, except for a lie about the circumstances of their death, until he was 11 years old. but he'd been dreaming about it, presumably his whole life.

i don't think i need to "prove" that harry has childhood trauma, or was abused. it's pretty clear, as far as i'm concerned. as bad as starving a child and strangling him and threatening to beat him is, the thing that is especially important to be here i think is the fact that harry doesn't know he's loved. and this is pretty apparent even at the beginning of cos, when he thinks ron and hermione must not care for him as much as he cares for them because they aren't sending him any letters (never mind that he obviously hasn't been to send them any!). but it crops up in a lot of other places too: his surprise at getting gifts (which lessens over the years, understandably); how he spends all of his fifth year, pretty much, not going to dumbledore about anything because he feels like dumbledore doesn't care, or thinks something is wrong with him; how touched he is by molly saying she's "as good as" his mother. just to name a few!

the other part of this is that harry doesn't know he's wanted, which is, i think, even bigger. one of the chief symptoms of bpd is fear of abandonment. in my opinion, harry has a lot of this - but what he does is push other people away before they can leave him. he does it to hermione in poa over the firebolt, he does it to ron in gof and again in dh, he does it ginny in hbp, he does it to all the weasleys after arthur is attacked, and he does it to remus in dh. he feels lost when sirius says "james would have..." about him going to hogsmeade to see harry and he faces a lot of guilt after he and ron fly the car to hogwarts, thinking how horrible he was after the weasleys had treated him so well.

something that ties into this is another common thing with bpd, which is paranoia. harry's actually really cognizant of people talking behind his back. we see it in cos, then again in gof, then again in ootp, and especially, i think, in dh - when he's sure ron and hermione are talking behind his back (and tbh, they probably are) and he just assumes he knows what they're thinking (and it's nothing good about him; in fact, he seems under the impression here that they don't want to be doing this anymore, now that they know he hasn't got a "real" plan).

all of this leads to unstable relationships. perhaps the biggest red flag of them all, right? these are relationships involving a lot of fighting, miscommunication, or "on and off" periods. harry spends a lot of time yelling at people, and that's not exclusive to his fifth year. other than this, though, he's quick to get really...cold? and nasty? one moment that sticks out to me is in gof, he throws one of the badges at ron's head and says "there you go, something for you to wear [at the first task]. you might even have a scar now, if you're lucky. ...that's what you want, isn't it?" after he's just been shouting at ron for interrupting his conversation with sirius (which he refuses to tell ron about), when all ron was doing was checking to see what he was doing. and this scene ends with this line: "he strode across the room towards the stairs; he half-expected ron to stop him, he would even have liked ron to throw a punch at him..." and we see this with dudley a lot too, that harry really likes to...goad him into violence. and then there's, of course, in ootp, the bit where harry gets banned from quidditch because he couldn't control his temper and physically attacked draco.

interestingly, the only people he doesn't ever really yell at are the dursleys (except for marge). which is especially interesting because we know they spent a lot of time yelling at him. mostly, though, he’s short, cold, and sardonic with them. he’s kind of passive aggressive, really. but, then, this makes a lot of sense - he was a child, and he got in trouble - serious trouble - for doing much of anything. removed from the dursleys, he's able to push a lot of boundaries, see how far he can go without consequences. i don't think this is exclusive to his temper, either; there's also the fact that harry is not a very morally "good" person. i think this is most largely evidenced by two spells: the cruciatus curse and sectumsempra.

i actually find the chapter "sectumsempra" quite disturbing. like, there's one brief moment where harry's very disgusted with what he did, but it's...very brief. harry never stops to feel sorry for what he did to draco. this is important. he's not upset that he almost killed someone. he's upset because the figure he'd been idealizing (this is also important to my point; i'll come back to this) through the half-blood prince's textbook turned out to know a very dark and nasty spell. he's quick to rationalize this, too. he's very insistent that the half-blood prince can't have been a bad person - after all, he's been really helpful to harry! what else is he upset about here? he's upset that he got caught. he outright tells snape he doesn't think he deserves the detentions he's assigned. he's more outwardly horrified by having to miss the last quidditch game of the season that his near murder of a classmate. and, of course - he can't be too put-off by the spell, because he uses it multiple times, and not just on the inferi. he tries to use it on snape, in fact - following two failed attempts to cast the cruciatus curse on him.

in ootp, when he tries to cast the cruciatus on bellatrix, he says he has to mean it. we don't see him ever manage to cast it in hbp, but he does successfully do so in dh, when amycus carrow spits on mcgonagall. this is...absolutely baffling to me. unlike bellatrix and snape, this guy didn't even kill anyone. he just...disrespected harry's teacher. and he tortures him? and says "i see what bellatrix meant [...] you need to really mean it." this from the same kid who refuses to cast the killing curse, even against the man who murdered his parents. he's also able to cast the imperius curse with no issues at all. and we know sectumsempra is very dark magic. harry is very capable of casting dark magic, and seems to derive genuine satisfaction from hurting people. it's not awesome to say "this is good proof for him being borderline," because obviously we don't want to hurt people, but it does point to the fact that harry's moral compass isn't very well-aligned, and he doesn't even realize it - largely, i would think, because he uses these spells on “bad” people (i.e. death eaters).

all of this suggests something that we see a lot otherwise, which is that harry is a very black and white thinker. it's interesting, because there is a recurring theme of, like, there's more than just black and white. and we know even that harry, snape, and dumbledore, in particular, are all pretty morally grey but are the people who ultimately have the largest hand in ending the war. harry's inability to see nuance, however, is not just present in the fact that he doesn't mind torturing people (but certainly would never kill someone!). when he hates people, he does so fiercely. if he loves them, then he's wholly dedicated to them. he doesn’t do much in moderation, either. he’s very quick to assume the worst about things (the second task is a good example of this). any time he feels sympathy, or anger, or anything like that for another person, it goes away very quickly, which leads me to another big facet of this black/white pattern, which is splitting. harry actually does this a lot, i think? his feelings towards dumbledore in ootp and dh absolutely oscillate hard between idealization and devaluation. but the person he does this most to is ron, which makes a lot of sense, because ron is his most important person - that's why he was taken in the second task! this first pops up in gof:

ch19 - “at this moment he hated everything about ron” / ch20 - “but harry didn’t care, he wouldn’t have cared if karkaroff had given him zero; ron’s indignation on his behalf was worth about a hundred points to him."

and then there's a similar thing in dh:

ch16 - "harry felt a corrosive hatred towards ron; something had broken between them...” / ch19 - “the subject of ron’s departure seemed to rise like a wall between them. and yet he was here. he had returned. he had just saved harry’s life."

his idealization patterns are pretty significant too. he idealizes dumbledore and sirius, for sure. after his death, he seems to really put snape on a pedestal as well? and he unknowingly idealizes snape, in the form of the half-blood prince (this is also interesting, because snape is given a lot of effeminate qualities through this, even as harry insists he’s sure the half-blood prince isn’t a woman LOL). this one is big, i think, because he sees the half-blood prince as someone who has been helping him, and so he’s absolutely certain that he can’t have put a dark spell in the book because he invented it and/or wanted others to use it. harry is largely seen to disregard authority, but he treats this book like gospel because it gives him helpful directions. this, paired with the fact that the people he probably idealizes the most are lily and james, says a lot about his lack of reliable adults imo? and while he's shown that james is imperfect, lily remains fixed in his mind as someone with no flaws, who loved him dearly, who died for him. harry doesn't get that most parents would die for their children, because he didn't grow up with adults who cared for him. what does he know about lily, other than that petunia hated her, snape loved her, and she died for him?

this, amongst other things, tells me that harry really desperately wants a parental figure. he seeks it out in sirius, who can't be that for him because the circumstances won't allow it, and even dumbledore says they had a bit more of a brotherly relationship. he doesn't find it in remus - and ironically tells remus to leave him and go back to be with his own son so he won't grow up like harry did, which is honestly...a pretty shitty thing to say, not gonna lie, but my opinions on remus and tonks and teddy are irrelevant to this particular subject so. i digress. he doesn't get it from dumbledore, or from mcgonagall. he wants it from molly and arthur, but he definitely knows, all along, that as much as they've done for him, they are ron's parents. not his. and he certainly doesn't get it from petunia or vernon.

harry is impulsive, and reckless, and cares little for his own safety. i don't think i need to cite anything here. pretty much all seven books are just...harry doing impulsive and dangerous things because he thinks it's the right thing to do. he almost dies so many times, and he hardly seems fazed by it. mostly, he's bothered by what happens to other people - he's bothered by what happens to other people because of him. this is obvious in a few scenes, where he tries to do things alone. there's the guilt he feels after they go to the hall of prophecies, because people got hurt, even though none of them blame him for it at all. then there's the fact that he breaks up with ginny (and i'm going to circle back to this one too, but for a different reason) because it's too unsafe for her to be with him. and, of course, that he tries to make ron and hermione leave (more than once), because it's too dangerous and he never wanted them to get hurt. but it's okay if he, harry, gets hurt. he forgives dumbledore for raising him to die, with little to no hesitation, largely because dumbledore proves to him that he did care all along. cared about harry. loved him. that's all he ever wanted.

and i think this all speaks to the fact that harry fundamentally does not value his own life. and that's not really any wonder, i mean - just look at how he was raised! dudley was a perfect child, and he was a no-good, ungrateful freak. dudley did everything right, and he did everything wrong, even though dudley was the one throwing temper tantrums and he was punished for things he had no control over. and for his most foundational childhood years, he didn't even know why. harry's willing to risk his life to save one 12-year-old girl. he's willing to risk his life to save his school rival (whom he nearly killed a year before this). and, of course, he's willing to die for the greater good. is it hard for him? sure! but to me harry seems like someone who is very passively suicidal, maybe without even realizing it. as early as cos, he thinks that dying "isn't so bad," and is clearly at peace with the thought that he would die in the chamber before fawkes's tears healed him. yeah. 12 years old. and then he just moves on, like that didn't happen at all. i’ve done all my basic training in suicide prevention and mental health first aid, never mind my own experiences in that corner. before harry walks to his death, he is literally showing every red flag for suicide possible. he doesn’t want to talk to his friends because he’s afraid then he wouldn’t have the “strength” to do it. he tells himself it’s better for everyone, especially his loved ones, if he dies, in order to prevent himself from approaching anyone. he tells neville about nagini to pass on the responsibility to someone as it was passed on to him by dumbledore. he tells neville he’s fine, and not to worry about him, but look out for ron and hermione, essentially. he’s at peace with his decision, believing it is the best thing for everyone. he doesn’t want to die, but i think a common misconception people have about suicide in general is that these people want to die, when in fact they more likely want to stop living, and there is a very big difference between these two things. suicidality presents somewhat differently for borderlines, who are often described as “chronically suicidal,” and are more prone to impulsive attempts. this isn’t the first time harry has made peace with dying. this isn’t the first time he’s thought it was bound to happen anyway, because he’s been living on borrowed time all along. along with the sense of borrowed time is the idea that harry lives for one purpose, and one purpose alone; it’s okay for him to die, as long as it ensures voldemort does too. he absolutely sees his life like this. even before he ever learned the prophecy, in my opinion.

aside from his extremes in these respects, there’s also his extremes between explosive anger and utter apathy. my favourite chapter for sure is the lost prophecy. it’s absolutely fascinating to me. it feels like there are a lot of layers in it. and i think it’s the place where we see best how affected harry is by everything he’s been through, and how he will continue to be affected. i would argue that his grief for sirius in this chapter is paralleled with a grief for his “inner child.” very importantly, the main focus of this chapter winds up being dumbledore’s plan - harry’s life, which has always been in dumbledore’s control. harry starts out in this chapter very quiet, squirming with guilt. just as quickly he begins yelling and throwing things at dumbledore. almost immediately, he gets quiet again and tries to flee, and when this is unsuccessful goes back to yelling. he rides this particular wave the entire time. he is very apathetic about the prophecy, though! when he asks if it means that one of them will have to kill the other, and dumbledore says yes, he just kind of...takes that. i wrote some of my thoughts about this chapter out here if you want to read about it at length, because there’s a lot that is relevant here but would take to long to get into lol.

and there’s one more facet of unstable relationships that i think is worth bringing up, and that’s his romantic relationships. harry is very obsessive, and kind of clingy. it’s why a lot of us wind up feeling kind of weird about his relationship with ginny. it seems like his feelings are very intense and kind of come out of nowhere. when they’re on the run in dh, there’s a point where he thinks he misses ginny more than he misses hogwarts, the only place he ever called home. uh...yeah. i doubt that, honestly. he says when they break up that his time with her felt like “something out of another person’s life.” we know from how they get together that the feelings there are intense. when he breaks up with ginny, he can’t bear to stay near her because he thinks he would take it back, since he doesn’t really want to break up with her. this absolutely screams “leaving someone so they can’t leave me first” to me. realistically, breaking up does virtually nothing to protect her, when his feelings for her don’t go away.

another good example of his obsessive personality is his obsession with draco malfoy. this isn’t about romance, obviously, but it does show really well how singular-minded he can get about people when he thinks he knows something about them (and is another good example of the fact that he is a paranoid thinker; he turns out to be right about this, but everyone else is quick to say he’s paranoid, in such a way that suggests they’ve observed him as being paranoid before this). this works in the opposite way, too; when he fights with ron, he pretty much acts as if ron doesn’t even exist. in this case, he knows ron left, or doesn’t trust him anymore, or hates him, so he just endeavours to erase him entirely. he barely speaks his name at all if he can avoid it after he leaves in dh. again, extremes.

another romance thing is cho. harry is very interested in cho, until she returns his feelings. and this is pretty classic borderline behaviour, honestly. he’s very awkward with her and largely oblivious to her feelings. he doesn’t get close to her, at all. after sirius dies, he just...doesn’t talk to her again. from huge passion to intense apathy. he doesn’t seem particularly upset that their relationship doesn’t work out.

and there is, of course, his self-image. his identity. he struggles with this from the very beginning, and it’s obviously exacerbated by the fact that a piece of voldemort is literally attached to him. he struggles with thinking he doesn’t really belong in gryffindor in cos, and actually really despairs about it, wondering if the hat had made a mistake and he was more of a slytherin after all. he believes in multiple instances that he is a dark wizard, possessed, or deep down a bad person, like tom riddle. other people assure him he isn’t. he has no idea of this himself, though. he values being like his father, and is very upset to learn that his father was a bully, especially because he himself was a victim of bullying, i would think. he only ever considers one career, and doesn’t seem to really “consider” it at all, actually. it also seems very logical for him to stay on a path to become an auror as long as voldemort is alive. i can’t see her doing it after voldemort is dead, honestly. related to this, he is so uncaring about his extracurricular subjects that he just signs up for the exact same ones ron does. and, of course, he has a difficult time believing he’s a wizard, and again thinks that there must somehow have been a mistake.

my last big point is that harry deals with a lot of guilt. some of it is extremely misplaced. there are some things (like using sectumsempra on draco) that he ought to feel guilty for, but doesn’t appear to dwell on it much. he also has a tendency to project his guilt on to other people. like how he blames snape for sirius’s death, and i’d argue he does the same thing with dumbledore’s death (again, on snape. obviously snape did kill him, but only after harry has just force-fed him poison). in this same vein, he often seems under the impression that he is somehow the thing causing the people around him to suffer. whether that’s a matter of being somehow “dark,” or just that his life is clearly dangerous, it doesn’t matter - he isn’t blaming voldemort for this. he’s blaming himself.

so! there are nine symptoms of bpd. here i think we’ve got 1) explosive anger, 2) a pattern of unstable relationships (largely defined by a pattern of idealization and devaluation/a lot of “push-pull”), 3) impulsive behaviour, 4) massive and rapid mood swings, 5) unstable sense of self, 6) suicidal thoughts, threats, or actions, 7) a chronic feeling of emptiness (apathy), 8) fear of abandonment, 9) paranoia. i can see all of this stemming from his childhood environment, easily. other things that aren’t dsm symptoms but are common include those feelings of guilt, and a high comorbidity with ptsd (which harry also meets the criteria for, much of it even before ootp).

#answered #anon #*meta #harry potter and the borderline personality disorder #literally the stand-in title for that fic lmfao #hjp #harry potter #ive thought about this so much. you have no idea #sorry if there are typos. i tried #there was so much here i started off strong but i was wearing out by the end LMAO #if anyone ever wants to hear my thoughts on a specific Thing i am always happy to talk about harry

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laur-rants · 3 years

Text

Schrodinger’s Game Theory: The Fate of Daud

Ever come up with a theory, and then halfway through creating it, the evidence changes and so you’re stuck with a lot of well-put-together ideas but nowhere to go with it?

Anyway, I did that with Daud. Lol.

I just rediscovered a whole ass rant in my drafts (which is now in the link above for private viewing and judgement PLS read it, if you’re missing some context to this post) that I clearly spent a lot of time and energy on, where I came to the conclusion that Daud in Death of the Outsider is actually a imposter/doppelganger, and it was because of the writing from the book contrasted the writing in DotO so poorly, that I came to believe this. I was like, VERY convinced prior to Billie’s book coming out that this was, in fact, a viable game theory. !00%. There was a chance that out there, somewhere, Daud was still stuck in his mind, and needed someone to come rescue him. Stranger things have happened to explain characters coming back from the dead in a video game, okay?

Somewhere along the line, though, it stopped being game theory and was more like, a fan idea. I had collected enough evidence to come to the conclusion that my theory wasn’t sound. That, and Billie’s book released, and there’s no way I could argue that. Instead, imposter!Daud moved to Fan Theory, something I could fictionally, write about, put into an AU.

But... Just because it’s probably not true in the scheme of the game doesn’t stop me from thinking about it, from wanting to talk and share those ideas with others. Even if, at the end of the day, they hold no water and it wouldn't matter because, well. If Billie’s book is to be considered post-DotO canon, then there’s no reason to believe my theory would hold weight. It wouldnt matter, because Daud well, he was left for dead either way. Nobody was coming to rescue him. I’m sure there’s plenty of questions people have in response to this, the most chief one being

“If its not Daud how is he in the Void talking to the Outsider and Billie at the end of DotO??”

And my usual response is: the end of Return of Daud saw Daud becoming trapped within his own mind, through a trap laid by witches from the very beginning of the book. That meant, even if his physical body was still, well, physical, he was trapped inside his mind.

I proposed that out of survival, well, a sliver of his mind would hole itself up in the Void, maybe even be stuck there (this is not so uncommon as it appears; think of what happened to Jessamine in the Heart). Once the spell on his mind and the Outsider were gone, the sliver could return back to his mind. And he’d still be alive.

From a gamer perspective, looking at the mechanics of the game, and everything else, it makes sense. I’m sure some people would say this theory would ‘cheapen Daud’s death’ and I would refute that by simply saying ‘all of DotO cheapened Daud’s death, and despite being a playable character in the franchise he dies unceremoniously off screen and we just take Billie’s word for his death to heart.’ Nothing cheapens a death faster in my head than ‘time to renege on this character’s entire past arch and have him die off-screen.’ His death was ruined far before they went into the Void. If anything, this would give Daud a change to explain himself.

But I digress. I actually did do a stupid amount of research on this. And what it all really boils down to is that there was bad writing involved in DotO when it came to timeline consistency and quality checkers not checking for that, + the book having been rewritten like, twice, to keep up with what Arkane was changing in DotO in real time.

That’s post marked 9/25/18. I’ve had this theory sitting around for a long time. I enjoyed it. I find it compelling. But ultimately, it was me trying to save Daud, in my mind. Would it be cool for the witches to have stolen Daud, replaced him with a dummy body Eyeless/Envisioned, given that dummy body his memories, and then, when it had outlived it’s usefulness of sending Billie astray, the magic broke and it perished? Hell yeah it would have been cool. and honestly, according to the books, it was a viable option! They could do all those things. You can’t tell me that

Billie can steal faces,

Emily can create copies and

They witches had access to a gemstone that can make prisoners of their own mind/see the thoughts of others,

and NOT immediately think that they’d try and replicate one of the strongest Marked to ever live. The one that TRAPPED DELILAH, no less. And because the witches messed with Daud’s dreams at the beginning of the book (it’s subtle, but its there, its like, you see it on the reread sort of thing), that’s the whole reason he thinks the Outsider is supposed to die, so of course the double would fervently believe the singular obsession that brought Daud into a trap in the first place...

I’m digressing again. Anyway.

What does this mean for Dear old Daud?

It means Daud canonically died, and it was shitty and poorly written and I’ll be salty about that until the day I die because some schmuck on twitter wrote one singular essay and Harvey Smith decided ‘you. you’re the one who needs to write this story’ and then we got Corvosider fanfic in a Dishonored game and I wanted to die. It doesn’t help that this writer was notoriously pretentious and shit-stirring in the fandom at-large BEFORE their hiring-- anyway, this isn’t a salt piece on that. I AM SALTY ABOUT IT, but I’m not the person to discuss it at length. Just know that that’s why some of the narrative decisions in DotO are so out of fucking whack, and we all have to deal with it.

MOVING ON....

There is still... a very slim chance. To save Daud.

Realistically speaking, this chance will never occur. It’s clear and obvious that Arkane has no plans on returning to the Dishonored universe, so despite all these loose ends that Arkane left and all these pieces that need to be picked up and all this lore that’s been reneged on, there’s really not much of a chance that we’ll see, say, Billie, return in a game that is specifically designed to save the timelines. Which, honestly, would be fucking baller. I want a game where I play as Billie, where the shattered timespace of Dunwall is saved by her capable hand, and Emily is free to rule for decades without having to fear that the Isles will fall into the Void like it’s Deimos falling into Hell in DOOM. We KNOW the timelines are saved because we KNOW that Emily has a long and Just (or unjust, if you went high chaos lol) Rule over the kingdom. That can’t happen if, just three years down the line, Billy is running all over the place trying to make sure time doesn’t break at the seams.

But that’s the thing, isn’t it? Because of how Daud meets Billie in RoD, we know that a Billie three years into the future (’YOUR future,’ she tells him) is trying to save his life. There are other timelines she’s saved already, for sure. Including saving Daud in the past, saving Corvo and Emily in the past, saving Granny Rags in the past -- basically, saving all the Marked from coming to an untimely end. And then, after all that, she goes back in time and tries to save Daud, tries to save him from being poisoned by witch magic and falling into a trap that is triggered when he touches her Future version of the Twin-bladed Knife. She goes through a sort of Groundhog Day scenario, where she confesses that she’s tried hundreds of times to save him, and she couldn’t save that Daud.

But why show us Billie failing to save Daud, if she was destined for failure? Because, eventually, she must succeed.

And therein lies Daud’s (potential) salvation. Is it realizing the other Daud is an imposter? Well... let’s think of it this way. Is the Billie who regained her arm and eye an ‘imposter’ where the ‘real’ Billie is in a timeline where she lost those body parts? Is the Aramis Stilton who went mad in the basement of his mansion the imposter? Or is it the one that Emily saved and was able to keep lucid? These people aren’t ‘imposters’ to their timelines, but they kind of are to the timelines that are saved. Which means DotO could be an entirely separate ‘timeline’, one that we manage to play through and see the ending of. But the ‘true timeline’ may never be known. But at least, we know it happens, and we have Billie to thank for that.

FIN.

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su-univeralai · 3 years

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GOOODDDD MORRNNNNIINNNGGGGG SUU 💛

I am here for your essay. Or yknow, just any dunebaby facts that you can spare.

*heavy breathing* oh no, she's come for my OCs exactly like she said she would.

lolol Ok, I've got bios on 9 out of 10 of my kids so far, but I wrote a quick blurb about them so hopefully you can't figure out who I didn't start until now lol. The older 4 (which 3/4 are legit characters in LOK, but tweaked to my liking) are grown-ass adults while the other 6 are probably between 14-21. So, our beloved Taang parents have been popping kids out from when they were 18 or 19 to 39 or 40 years old.

At some point I'll make a family tree for you, since most of the older dunebabies have their own families and that can be confusing. Some have more information than others, but more will be added on each of them as time goes on. I just haven't figured them out yet.

Also, gonna put a cut here, because it's a long post and I know not everyone wants to see my OCs lol.

Ok Onto the Dunebabies from oldest to youngest:

Gyatso (M) Airbender, 35: Named after Aang’s father figure, Gyatso is Toph and Aang’s first born and first of several airbending children. He has a knack for the art and excelled quickly with mastering it, narrowly falling short of beating Aang’s record of mastering airbending at 13. As he got older and his parents continued having children, he became like a father figure to the younger ones. That’s the best part about having tons of kids, right? At some point the older ones raise the younger ones and the parents can just have fun. Once Tiao Wu turned 13, Gyatso and his own wife, boyfriend, and kids moved away from home and resided in the Western Air Temple with some Air Acolytes.

Lin (F) Earthbender, 32: Lin is a straight arrow, always following the rules. Sometimes Toph’s jokes that her first born daughter is actually Katara’s because wasn’t as goofy as Gyatso and Tenzin. As kids, Lin and Tenzin butted heads like no other. They may have had a year or two when they got along, but that was when Lin was training to be a police officer and Tenzin was always out because he was dating Pema. They constantly bicker at family gatherings, but make a mean team when they spar against the other next gen kids. Their twin telepathy (yes, they are twins in my universe) comes into play and they are undefeatable. That is until the triplets becomes masters in their own right. While Lin is a talented earthbender and metalbender, she struggled with picking it up (perhaps because of Toph’s hardcore teaching style). She responded to a “more gentle approach” as Katara would say, and Aang helped her learn the basics until she was ready to take on Toph’s more intense lessons. Lin is definitely closer with Aang than she is with Toph, but goes to mom if something needs to be done quickly and under wraps. Lin works long hours as chief of the police force in republic city, so she doesn’t have much time for romance. When she finds a spare moment for intimacy, she frequents a bar that accepts everyone. She brought Songa with her before her little sis fell in love with (insert steambaby daughter name here).

Tenzin (M) Airbender, 32: Tbh Tenzin still marries Pema and has his four kids, like in LOK. Lol. Unlike the show, with the weight of the whole air nation not on his shoulders, Tenzin was not a serious kid. He played pai sho with the white lotus members and roughed it up with Lin. Tenzin had a difficult time mastering airbending, though. He lacked the spiritual connection that his father and brother easily had. He blamed being stuck with an earthbender in the womb for 9 months at his lack of skill with airbending. His masters airbending at 21 and is pumped to finally get his tattoos. Since Pema is an air acolyte, I'm saying that her parents were also acolytes, and she and Tenzin met as kids and got along really well. They started dating at 16. Tenzin wanted to wait to get his arrows before proposing to her, so they date for 5 long years as Pema cheered him on in the grueling training. Tenzin and Pema eventually move to the Northern Air Temple and kept Teo company.

Suyin (F) Earthbender, 26: Suyin was a troublemaker when she was a kid, always pranking her siblings. She spent way too much time with Sokka. At least that’s what Toph says. Her teenage years, that’s when things became dicey. With Lin on the streets as a cop and Su committing petty crimes, the two were bound to cross paths. After Lin brought her in for whay must have been the thousandth time and Toph had to bail her out, Toph sent her to the her old stomping ground: the Earth Rumble 6. Toph still had her ear in the stadium and stayed in touch with The Boulder, and she thought it’d do her some good to get beat up by other earthbenders. Su stayed with her grandparents and got the structure she needed and got her act together. She got pounded by her opponents the first few years, but she slowly moved her way up the food chain and eventually held her mother’s old title as champion. Once she turned 18, she left to travel the world, meeting up with Kya (can't decide if Kya will be a steambaby or a Sukka baby. Is there a cut name for Sukka babies?). Along the way she met Bataar and fell in love with him and together build zaofu and have all their kids from LOK.

Songa (F) Airbender, 21: The oldest of the triplets to be born. Songa is a calm spirit, she reminds Aang of Yangchen with her way of keeping the peace in their large family. She’s a true romantic like her father and catches the attention of a lot of men, but alas, her heart is won over by one of Katara and Zuko’s daughters, (insert steambaby name here lol). She sees the best in everyone and trusts a little too easily. Watch out though, if you get on her bad side or betray her trust one too many times, her mother’s sass and tongue come out and no one wants to be hit by her earthbending styled airbending. Songa is a talented bender and has a tendency to use her airbending like an earthbender, facing things head on. She can seemlessly switch between styles, but she'd prefer to take her opponents on directly.

Kera (F) Nonbender, 21: Kera is the heart of the triplets. She’s passionate like a firebender and meets conflict head-on like her mom. Being the first non-bender didn’t feel great coming from the lineage of the Avatar and Toph Beifond, strongest earthbender in the world and metalbender originator, but she found peace in being a non-bender when hearing all the stories of Sokka, Suki, Mai, Ty Lee, Teo, and their many other friends taking down bender and non-benders alike. Kera begged her parents to live in the Fire Nation to study under Mai and Ty Lee. Aang and Toph didn’t have any problems with her going, but Zuko and Katara did, fearing she (being a dunebaby) would cause mayhem in the palace. Only after swearing to Zuko that she wouldn’t make a mess did the Fire Lord allow her stay with them. During her time there, she mastered Mai and Ty Lee’s techniques and trained under the Yuyan archers. When she came home, she could beat the other two thirds of her triplets easily. Only when she teams up with the other two, can they take down Lin and Tenzin.

Choekyi (M) Airbender, 21: The last of the triplets to come be birthed. Choekyi is a free spirit, much like his father. He enjoys traveling and meeting new people. As a child (and an adult) he is easily excited and is a very charismatic guy, which gets him far with the ladies in his teens and early twenties. He’s never scared of trying new things, sometimes to his detriment, as he gets hurt a lot for someone light on his toes. His preferred method of transportation is air scooter. Choekyi gets along with Uncle Sokka the most, with his never ending jokes and letting him learn how to throw a boomerang even though he’s a bender. Choekyi spends some time in the swamp with the swamp benders just because he finds them to be hilarious and interesting. This is where he connects with his spirituality and returns to excel in airbending, and earns his tattoos.

Songa and Kera are idenitcal twins, so no one (beside Toph and Choekyi) can tell them apart until Songa earns her arrows. Choekyi looks similar to them, as he is their triplet, but since he came from a different egg, he turns out to be much taller than his sisters. Just imagine Toph's face when she feels three freakin' heartbeats along with hers. Idk if that's scientifically sound, but it's my universe, so I can say what I want lol.

Gyun (M) Nonbender, 18: He's a very musical guy. Gyun means music, but it can also mean germ or bacteria. So his older siblings make fun of him when he’s young. While his bending siblings practice and spar, he masters most musical instruments and even becomes a skilled singer. He’s a favorite of Uncle Iroh’s and spends time with him playing music and perfecting his tea making when he’s not training with Master Piandao and mastering different types of sword fighting styles. Gyun is a lover, not a fighter, and is recruited as the youngest member of the national opera company. He rises in fame, without having to reveal his high ranking connections to his family members. Gyun is a true renaissance man (you know if the renaissance existed back then). He looks up to all of his siblings and soaks in all the stories and advice his can get to perfect the art of storytelling and acting.

MeiLin (F) Nonbender, 17: MeiLin may be one of the youngest, but she’s definitely the sassiest of the bunch. With the personality like her mother, it’s no wonder she’s a bosslady even from a young age. She doesn’t take shit from anyone. While she’s the beauty of the dunebabies (but who really isn’t attractive in this family?) and can hold her poise better than any royal, from the tender age of three, she’s wanted to become the fiercest fighter in the world. After a lot of convincing, Toph and Aang let her train with Aunt Suki and learn how to fight like a Kyoshi Warrior. After she masters that, She begs her parents to send her to the Fire Nation to study under Mai and Ty Lee. By the time she’s 14, she’s already mastered the art of dagger throwing, chi blocking, and the Kyoshi warriors fighting style. Aang isn’t too pleased that she fights in tournaments like Toph did, but Toph watches every match she can get! MeiLin asks her to bet on her and they split the wealth at the end. Lin wants her youngest sister to join the police force when she turns 18, but MeiLin isn't sure she wants to enforce the law like Lin.

Tiao Wu (M) Earthbender, 14: The baby of the family, and loves it. Unlike MeiLin, Tiao Wu is a homebody and a huge mama’s boy, though really isn’t a mama’s boy in the Beifong Family? Like his name suggests, he’s a great dancer and for an earthbender, he sure is light on his toes. While Gyatso is called Twinkletoes Jr, Tiao Wu is known as the Fancy Dancer. Literally. That’s the stage name he chose for his bending dance competitions. When he’s not dancing or hanging out with Toph, he’s studying his cousin’s bending forms, wanting to incorporate it into his repertoire. Tiao Wu is also close to Aang, as he showed an early talent to be one with the spirits. As a six year old, he would meditate next to Aang and beat the freakin’ Avatar, master of all four elements and bridge between the physical and spiritual world, to the Spirit World. He’s also known to be the only human who is allowed to visit Wong Si Tong’s library there.

ALRIGHT Joy, here are some basic facts about my dunebabies universe. If you or anyone else wants to send me asks so I can more deeply construct their personalities, feel free!

#I did it Joy!!#thanks for the ask #my asks are open #ask me about my dunebabies #eventually i'll create steambabies and other next gen #but her now only dunebabies #who's your favorite?#can you guess who I didn't have a backstory for yet?#you and stitch should be proud of me #ignore the fact that I haven't looked at my wips in months #i mean what?#I definitely am working my wips #👀

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softrozene · 3 years

Note

Thank you for reblogging that "on anon hate" piece. 🥺 It's something I'm scared of and I know that's silly 😅 and uh can you share how you get over anon hate? I could use any advice and thanks if you answer I hope your back feels better!!!!!!

Warnings: Dealing with anon hate and slight mention of mental illness/su*cide.

Of course, Hon, and thank you! It also is not silly at all! I used to have that fear on my old blog, and it did end up happening (as it does time from time here) so I can give you tips and whatnot.

First, let me address the problem that I have been seeing while I have been lurking. These past few days I have noticed an increase in anon hate or anon asks that try to pass off being good, but you can tell they are just condescending. It hurts to see that especially in the One Piece fandom where I have seen nothing but support aside from the occasional anon that gets unruly- But when that happens we all come together to defend that writer. That is what a good fandom is.

So, these few bad anons are trying to stir something up and it does work unfortunately and that is something I can’t stand. Especially when they go to blogs and harassing the writer in THAT writer’s safe space. Like hot damn, they are shitty people to do that.

These Past Few Days:

Of course, in one of the instances, I saw these past few days one of the “bad anon” was purely miscommunication and they apologized to that writer since. The other bad anon to a different writer was purely a total jerk since they were able to successfully hurt the writer mentally.

The anon function is meant for a lot of good things such as shy people, people wanting to give constructive criticism, those who do not want their blogs to be known by many people, people who get overwhelmed, people who want to spread love without it being a big deal (even though it is. Your hearts are big for that and everyone loves you for that pure intention).

The anon function is not meant for hate- That is abusing the anon function.

I, personally, use the anon function for my mutuals when I get anxiety when requesting something or just wanting to tell them how much they mean to me- When people use the anon function for that, such as their anxiety/they are just shy and whatnot I see them as hella brave for doing so. In this case, you are brave <3

HOWEVER- When people decide to use the anon function to send hate: That is literally the lowest thing you can do in not only my eyes but other people. You are sending hate knowing that it may not trace back to you. So, congrats if you do this- You are a coward.

As for whatever reason, someone wants to send hate, in the cases, I saw recently it was because the writers were wanting to open up to more fandoms. Fuck those anons who made the writers change their minds. It is not the anon’s blog- It is the writer’s. They are allowed to do whatever the hell they want without anyone’s permission. It is their safe space.

If you as an anon- Feel so obligated to send a writer or any other person your opinion on their blog saying you do not like something they wrote, you don’t care for this or that, or in your eyes, they are taking too long on your request, and you spam them with hurtful words ON THEIR BLOG, NOT YOURS- I really hope you can find peace one day because that ain’t it chief.

How fucking dare you try to hurt someone in their own safe space.

Those who have sent hate:

I genuinely hope you find a better thing to do with your life. I hope your words do not affect the person they reached. I have not a clue why anyone sends hate and it still bothers me today that they do but if you have any bit of empathy think of not just the person who you send hate to but the people that love them.

You could be the last thing that makes them go over a dark edge.

You have no idea what the person you send hate to is going through.

That person you sent hate to can have mental illnesses that makes them think whatever you say is true and seriously you are the biggest asshole on the planet if you wanted that to happen.

That person can be suicidal. (Of course, to some jerks who believe others will not act because of something on the internet, they have things outside in their real lives that make them feel that way. Your words can just be a breaking point.)

They could be clinging onto a shred of a will to live- Do not be that jerk that ruins it. Karma does bite back.

Words do hurt others and no matter how silly you may think it is- Words do have an impact.

Let me say that again because there are jerks who don’t believe that: You may think it is silly, but words do have an impact.

Now for the question, this lovely anon asked- How do you deal with anon hate?

Anon hate is going to happen, unfortunately- Especially to those who do not deserve it at all, and I despise that so much.

Personally, for me, it honestly still bothers me from time to time, but I have grown to get past it with multiple methods, so I hope these help.

Report and block them.

This is the top recommendation that I suggest. I have been sticking to this one without mercy for this blog and it has worked wonders. Anons who send hate are trying to get a reaction out of you so the easiest thing to get them to knock it off and move on with their lives is to report them for harassing you and blocking them. You can block anon asks by the three dots (I believe it’s been a while lol).

Bad anons thrive on attention. Just do not give a reaction and they will stop eventually.

Laugh it off

My actual first anon hate on this blog made me laugh so hard because they told me to off myself, but they misspelled it terribly. Yeah, it stung but it was more funny than hurtful to me. So if their message are hurtful remember that these people are abusing the anon function- A cowardly act and that makes it even funnier since they don’t want to deal with any consequences based on their behavior. In other words: They are childish.

If they are relentless then that usually means they are obsessed with you which is not healthy. (Lowkey recommend they see a therapist.)

Just call them out on having a crush on you and if they continue to harass you- Most likely denying it as hateful anons do, then you can safely say that yes, they have a crush on you (I used to do this on an old blog and when I tell ya it gets them mad lol)- This method works to just laughing it off so eventually you can grow to ignore them.

If you absolutely have to answer it- Tag your friends/mutuals or make sure they can see it so they can defend you. They are your support system

In this fandom- I always see so much support when it comes to getting hate so I know that it will happen. I can’t vouch for other fandoms/places of tumblr though.

Take the option to be on anon on your blog away- They go quiet really fast

Seriously- If it is bothering you please just take the anon function away until you feel comfortable enough to allow anons back on. You may feel sad for the good anons but they will understand why you did so. After this, please seek your support system if you need to vent about that bad anon.

My favorite other option that you can do while mixing it with these other options is to continue being you out of spite. Show them that no one can change you.

For my fellow sensitive people: Our subconscious minds think everything is true. It will hear or see one thing and it has no filter so it will go: Oh yeah- That is 100% correct- Even whatever you just read from the anon. For those who get hurt by anon hate and have a mental illness like me- I also suggest trying to rewire your brain with positive affirmations so it will be easier to realize that whatever the anon says is not true at all. It may take a while or may not be for everyone but it can help.

Overall?

It sucks but the best thing to do is to ignore, block, and continue on with your day spreading love and knowing you are a good person compared to them.

Maybe one day they can learn to love themselves and stop hating others (if the bad anon claim they do love themselves and can continue to be that way that just means they are extremely toxic and narcissistic and definitely will not switch their away around any time soon) but in the meantime be the bigger person than them (or have badass friends who don’t care and will fight to the death for you- For legal reasons that is a joke).

You have many options but just know that anon hate does not set your whole mood. That they may get off on sending hate but that is what their whole hobby is. While yours can be sending love- Your whole world does not consist of being on tumblr. It may be a safe space for you but remember you can also start anew if you need to. Do not let some silly hateful anon ruin your mood or make you afraid to go online. Do not give them that power.

Now on a much happier ending note, remember that these bad anons do not care about you if they are sending hate. However, there are people who go out of their way to tell you that they adore your content/your blog. They care and I think it is beautiful that they show it and come together to help others when needed.

This turned into an essay oops (1712 words yo)- Anyway, I hope that this helps you anon and I hope that it helps anyone else who may come across it. No matter what just remember you are loved.

#rozereplies #important #I hope this helps!

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master-sass-blast · 3 years

Text

Winter Stay-cation.

*insert pithy quip here*

Summary: A massive squall hits New York City. The snow, combined with a deep freeze, brings the city that never sleeps to a standstill once the police issue travel bans. Fortunately, you and Piotr know how to keep yourselves entertained during your impromptu stay-cation.

Pairing(s): Piotr Rasputin x Reader, Nathan Summers x Wade Wilson, and Ellie Phimister x Yukio.

Rating: G for fluff.

Word Count: 3.4k.

Set after “It’s Truly Magical.”

A/N: The movie quote from Day Five is from Alfred Hitchcock’s “Rear Window.”

Taglist: @marvel-is-perfection, @chromecutie, @girl-obsessed-with-things, @super-darkcloudstudent, @dandyqueen, @leo-writer

“—continuing into the middle of next week, if not longer. Expect heavy snowfall and temperatures below freezing, with windchill taking things below zero over the weekend.”

“Good grief.” You shake your head as you watch the weather report on the morning news. “It doesn’t get that cold when I fly full speed.”

Piotr, your husband, hands you a cup of coffee and shrugs. “January is ugly month.”

You smirk into your mug. “Bet this doesn’t compare to Siberian winters.”

“Not really,” he admits with a chuckle.

“The Chief of New York City’s Fire Department has issued a statement reminding residents to be careful when using their fireplaces and to monitor children and pets.”

“Yeah, yeah,” you quip, “Don’t use fireworks as kindling, we got it.”

Piotr snorts.

“In addition, the Police Department has issued a travel advisory in light of the predicted precipitation and sub-zero temperatures. All none-essential travel is restricted until the cold snap passes.”

“Groovy. Tell that to half the city.”

Piotr grins, shakes his head again, then turns the TV off. “Looks like we will have to keep ourselves occupied here this week.”

You cast a disparaging glance outside –where the snow is already up to Piotr’s knees—then say, “Like we were going anywhere else.”

***

Day One

There’s an upside to when the “deep freeze” hits. It’s already winter break, meaning there’s no coordinating classes, figuring out how to pick up students that don’t live at the mansion, or having to get up at the balls-ugly hours of the early morning in the stupid, frigid cold.

The two of you wake up at your leisure, around nine o’clock. You laze around in bed for a bit, snuggling and chatting and smooching, then head downstairs for breakfast. You wind up setting up shop at the dining room table, catching up on grading and filling out end of the semester report cards.

“Can you check these for me?” Piotr asks, handing you a stack of essays from his art classes. “I already made content-based marks; I am just not sure about English grammar.”

“Fun fact: most native English speakers aren’t sure about their grammar, either,” you joke with a smirk.

Piotr snorts, then checks his computer clock before standing. “Is about lunchtime. I was thinking soup and sandwiches?”

You nod. “Sounds tasty.”

“Would you like anything in particular?”

“Surprise me.” You make a contented hum when Piotr leans over the table to kiss you, then smile as you watch him head to the kitchen.

You really are the world’s luckiest woman (a sentiment you feel even more keenly when he comes back with a fresh cup of hot cider for you).

***

Day Two

“We should clean.”

The two of you are sitting on the couch. Your laptops sit on the coffee table, displaying the completed efforts of uploading grades to the online gradebook that the school uses. Two mugs that once contained coffee sit next to either laptop.

You look up at Piotr. You’re tucked against his side, head leaning on his shoulder while his fingers trace designs on the sleeve of your sweater (which is technically his sweater, but that’s neither here nor there). “Huh?”

“We should clean,” he repeats as he scrubs at his face with his free hand. “House could use it.”

You crane your neck to look over his shoulder. “We don’t really have that many dirty dishes.”

Piotr snorts, then raises an eyebrow at you. “When was last time we vacuumed? Or deep cleaned bathrooms? Or washed windows?”

“We can see out the windows just fine!”

Piotr grins and shakes his head. He stands, holding his hand out to you. “Come on, myshka. Clean home, clean mind.”

“I’ll have you know that my mind is nothing but dirty, and I’m offended that you would dare insinuate otherwise.”

Piotr laughs and helps you up. “We can start upstairs and work our way down.”

***

Cleaning with Piotr isn’t so bad. He carries his fair share of the workload, does things to their proper doneness, and is a firm supporter of blasting tunes while cleaning.

“Take! Me! On!” You bounce up and down in time with the beat while you clean the sliding glass doors in your bedroom that lead out to the balcony. “I’ll… be… gone! In a day or two!”

Behind you, Piotr laughs. He’s hauling out a trashbag from the bathroom –no doubt filled with the sheer amount of crumpled paper towels it takes to get the place sanitary again. “I see you are enjoying yourself.”

“Absolutely not. I’m suffering endlessly. I’m going to die any minute now.” And then, to prove you point, you flop to the floor dramatically (taking care to use your powers to cushion your landing).

Piotr lets out a choked gasp, then clutches at his chest. “You keep scared me!”

You look up at him and laugh. “You know I can catch myself! You’ve seen me do that before!”

“Changes nothing!” He lets out a ragged breath, hand still pressed over his heart. “I could have heart attack.”

You giggle, then lift yourself off the floor with a swirl of wind. You land nimbly on your toes before him and wrap your arms around his waist. “Aw, now who’s being dramatic?”

“I fail to see how concern for your well-being is dramatic!”

You suppress a grin, opting to pop up on the balls of your feet and kiss him instead. “I’m very sorry I scared you, baby.”

“Is okay.” He kisses you gently, then gazes down at you with a rueful smile on his lips. “What am I going to do with you, myshka?”

“Dance with me?” You flash him an impish smile, then start bouncing in time to the music again.

Piotr chuckles, then takes your hands in his and bops along with you.

The two of you dance around the room –well, as much as what you’re doing can be called dancing. You sing the lyrics of the song to each other, not sticking to any particular key or tempo.

You laugh when Piotr lifts you into his arms, bridal style, then squeal in delight when he spins the two of you around.

It’s perfect.

***

Day Three

You wake up to the sound of Piotr’s phone chirping –because, even on vacation, he still keeps a daily morning alarm.

He groans as he comes to, then laughs when you roll over him and shut off his alarm for him. “Well, good morning to you, too.”

You set his phone back on his nightstand, then straddle his hips and plant your hands against his brawny chest. “You’re not making me clean today.”

Piotr smirks up at you, bushy eyebrow raising in challenge. “Oh?”

“We’re spending today in this bed,” you continue. “Just you” –you tap his chest—“and me, and as few clothes as possible. Sound good?”

He pretends to mull it over, even has he takes off the shirt he’d been sleeping in. “Are we allowed bathroom and meal breaks?”

“I’ll allow it.”

“Ah, very generous. Thank you, benevolent myshka.”

“You’re very welcome.” You giggle when he grins –then let out a delighted yelp when he rolls suddenly, pinning you between him and the bed. You sigh as he kisses you, eyes fluttering shut. You arms wind around his neck, holding him against you while his hands smooth down your body.

***

Day Four

Cabin fever starts setting in between the third and fourth day. There’s only so many chores you can do, only so many papers you can grade (and you’re out of papers to grade, which doesn’t help your case), only so much sex you can have before you’re gonna start losing your mind.

Fortunately, Piotr is well-attuned to you and your mental states –meaning he notices that you’re getting twitchy before you dip into pyromania to keep yourself entertained.

“We should do something fun today,” he says during breakfast. He spreads some sour cream over his plate of blinis, then adds cottage cheese and sausage meat. “Perhaps play some video games. Ellie has been pestering me to play some multi-people games with her and Yukio.”

“Could be fun,” you say before stuffing your mouth full with Nutella-covered blini. You swallow, then ask, “What did she want to play?”

“Ah… she had two. I think… Falling Guys and Among Us?”

A slow, wicked grin stretches across your place. Fuck yeah. “Let her know we’re in.”

***

Piotr, unfortunately, turns out to be none too good at Fall Guys.

“No!” He wails, then flops back against the couch when he gets thrown off a platform and into the slime. “I could not run away!”

“You have to anticipate the enemy’s movements,” Ellie says over Discord. She’s already qualified and is spectating you and Yukio. “Predict their strategy, then counter.”

“I think it is less strategy and more ‘giant hands do not play nice with tiny controller,’” Piotr grumbles good-naturedly.

“Or maybe you got your butt kicked like a scrub,” Ellie fires back.

“I never contested that,” Piotr chuckles.

“Alright,” you say, eyes glued on your pink and yellow striped player. “I’m almost there, there’s plenty of slots left –no, you fucking pigeon! Let me go!”

“Language,” Piotr murmurs between bouts of laughter.

“It’s always a pigeon!” Ellie groans. “Fucking skyrats.”

“Language, NTW.”

You qualify for the next round (no thanks to the damn pigeon, who qualifies, too). Egg Scramble is next, and you wind up facing off against Ellie and Yukio for the win.

“Damn it!” There’s the sound of something hitting the floor –most likely Ellie throwing her controller—when she and Yukio get booted out. “Yellow always loses!”

“Is that it?” you ask while the loading screen plays. “Are we at the final round yet?”

“There’ll be one more,” Yukio says. “To finish whittling down the competitors.”

Sure enough, there’s a round of Tip-Toe –which you get through by the skin of your teeth—and then you and eight other players are sent to the finale.

“Okay, Hex-A-Gone. You’ll want to just hop from tile to tile,” Ellie advises you while the level loads. “It makes the tiles last longer.”

“Don’t be afraid to drop a couple levels at first,” Yukio adds. “You can carve out one of the lower levels, meaning anyone that falls above you will have further to go and will be more likely to get out.”

“I appreciate it, but don’t expect any miracles,” you say, laughing self-deprecatingly.

Piotr kisses the top of your head. “You can do this, myshka.”

You follow the girls’ advice; you let yourself drop down two levels, then start hopping from tile to tile to start carving out the platform.

“One guy’s already out!” Ellie announces. “You’ve got this!”

“Shit! I fell!”

“That’s okay,” Yukio reassures you. “Find a decent mass of tiles and hop, don’t run. Make them last.”

“The pigeon grabbed another player,” Piotr marvels, shaking his head.

“Yeah, well, they both died, so fat lot of good it did them,” Ellie mutters.

You keep going, bounce from brightly colored hexagon to brightly colored hexagon.

“Only four left!” Ellie lets out a whoop. “Holy shit, you’re gonna make it!”

“Don’t jinx me!” you laugh as you dodge another player’s attempt to grab you. “Don’t jinx me!”

“Three left –two! It’s just you and one other guy!”

“You’ve got this, Y/N!” Yukio cheers.

You dive for a clump of tiles –and miss. “No!” You groan, then laugh as your character plummets into the pink slime. “Damn. I’m never going to do that good ever again.”

Piotr wraps an arm around your shoulders in a conciliatory hug. “You did wonderful job, myshka.”

“He’s right. That was really good. The winner fell a few seconds after you, so it was basically a coin toss as to who was gonna get the crown,” Ellie says while the winner’s animation plays on screen.

“Yeah! Great job!” Yukio congratulates you.

“Wanna do another round?” Ellie asks as she flicks between skins and accessories for her avatar.

Yukio laughs lightly. “Baby, we were going to get lunch.”

“Oh, right.”

“Perhaps we can try other game after lunch,” Piotr suggests. “‘Fall Guys’ is okay, but makes me too dizzy.”

“Yeah, sure. Text me when you guys are done eating.”

***

Among Us doesn’t go much better for Piotr, if only because he doesn’t adhere to the strategy of the game. He does his tasks without fail –which usually leaves him alone, and thus a prime target for killing or pinning a murder on. He’s also a terrible liar, which makes it easy to tell when he is the impostor.

You laugh as Piotr’s little red spaceman goes floating into space. “I honestly feel bad.”

“I don’t,” Wade says (he and Nate hopped on the Discord call when Yukio sent them an invite). “Pay for some acting classes, Chrome Dome! Give us a challenge, at least.”

Piotr starts grumbling in Russian, but it gets cut off when the round starts up again.

(You all still wind up losing because Nate’s the other impostor and racks up bodies like nobody’s business.)

“I’m still waiting for when Ellie and Dad get the impostor role together,” you comment as the defeat screen flashes on your laptop screen.

“What, so we all die in five minutes?” Wade grumbles. “So we can suffer the agony of betrayal and not honoring trust again?”

“It’s just a game, Wade,” Nate sighs. “And I apologized already.”

“Is our relationship ‘just a game’ to you, Natey? I gave you an alibi –and then you shanked me in the shower like rejected prison bitch!”

“Language, Wade,” your husband pipes up, voice world-weary. “Please.”

You all start another round once Wade calms down –which, admittedly, takes a while and a great deal of coaxing from Nathan. You grin when you see that you’re an impostor alongside Yukio –then giggle to yourself when a plan pops into your mind.

You start stalking Piotr around the map. You fake doing tasks alongside him, acting as his shadow as he treks around the map. On the corner of your screen, you watch your kill timer wind down, then wait for the right moment once it runs out, and—

Downstairs, in his art studio, your husband lets out an indignant scream when your character murders his.

You fall back onto the bed and cackle.

***

Day Five

The squall rages on outside. The world is practically buried in snow. It’s a sea of white outside your bedroom windows, blinding and sterile.

You peer at the swaths of snow blanketing every inch of ground, every tree branch, and every shrub, then nestle further under the blankets. “Ugh. I don’t even want to get out of bed today.”

Piotr chuckles, then wraps an arm around your waist. “How come?”

“Have you seen what it’s like outside? It’s disgusting!”

“I thought you liked snow.”

“I do. That’s how you know it’s bad.” You sigh as you eye the fat, fluffy flakes falling from the sky. “I wish I could, like, go outside. Go to a store or something. Leave the house.”

“Is not safe to drive yet.”

“I know, I know.” You sigh. “Is it bad that I miss the color green?”

“Nyet. Is normal.”

You smile, just a little, when Piotr kisses the back of your head. You roll over to face him. “Can we build a blanket fort today?”

He raises an eyebrow. “What… here? In bedroom?”

“Yeah. We can make it look all pretty, and snuggle in bed, and watch movies, and have sex…”

“Bozhe ty moi.” Piotr snorts, then takes a moment to study your face, your eyes. “You really want blanket fort?”

“Kind of, yeah. I just… I want something new to look at.”

The corner of his mouth turns up in a soft smile. He presses his lips against your forehead. “Alright, myshka. Let’s make fort.”

***

“When a man and a woman see each other and like each other, they ought to come together. Wham. Like a couple of taxis on Broadway.”

You let out a content, relaxed sigh, then wriggle closer to Piotr.

The fort, admittedly, is simple –but you don’t mind. While you were taking a shower, Piotr assembled the whole thing, just to give you a little surprise.

He’d brought up a couple floor lamps from the main floor, then clipped some fairy lights to them before draping the largest quilt in the house over top to make the room. He’d pinned some throw blankets to either side of the quilt to make the sides, then made the bed and assembled the pillows so the two of you could have a nice, cozy, comfy den to watch movies in.

The recurring, delighted thought of ‘he made it for me; he made it for me because he knew I wanted one’ loops around in your brain like a bumblebee drunk on fermented crab apples. You grin, then loop your arms around Piotr’s neck and kiss his cheek.

He grins, cheeks flushing ever so slightly. “What was that for?”

“You made me a blanket fort.”

“You asked for one.”

“Yeah, but you made it for me. You could’ve just waited until we could both work on it.”

He shrugs, lips curving into a soft, pleased smile. “I wanted to see look on face. You were very happy.”

“Correction: I am very happy.” You kiss the tip of his nose, then his lips. “I love you, Piotr.”

“And I love you, Y/N.”

***

Day Six

You know it’s bad when you wake up before Piotr.

You look over at your husband, who’s still slumbering away next to you –and sawing some logs, no less—then out at the winter hellscape outside, and decide there’s only one thing for it.

You’re channeling your inner Great British Bake Off contestant and demolishing the kitchen.

***

Piotr comes downstairs around ten in the morning –which is a miraculous amount of sleep in time for him—but by then, the damage has already been done.

There’s a cake cooling on the counter (you’d found a box of cake mix in the back of the pantry and decided to use it as a warm-up. The mixer is working overtime on a double batch of sugar cookies –plus there’s already chocolate chip cookie dough chilling in the fridge.

You look up from the cookbook you’d been perusing –you were thinking pie next—and flash your husband a slightly sheepish grin as he gapes at the kitchen. “Uh… good morning?”

“Myshka…”

“I made cake.”

“I can see that.” Piotr drops his heads into his hands and makes a noise somewhere between a groan and a laugh. “Why?”

“Because being trapped inside is stressing me out and I want to cope by eating my weight in desserts.”

Piotr sighs, then lifts his head. He eyes the mixer, then the increasingly sheepish expression on your face. “How much is that?”

“In the bowl or in the fridge?”

“Bozhe ty moi.”

“Look, the way I see it, we can share—”

“You have that much correct. We do not need five million cookies.”

“Excuse you, I’m only making three million. Also, do you know where the lard is?”

Piotr’s face scrunches up. “Lard? Why—”

“I wanna make pie.”

He pinches the bridge of his nose. “We already have cake. And goodness knows how many kinds of cookies.”

“But those aren’t pie.” You smile impishly at him. “Plus, like, pie has fruit, so it’s good for you. You like fruit. Think about how good it’ll be to eat something with fruit after all the cake, and the cookies…”

“Or I could just eat fruit.” He sighs, resigned and slightly frustrated, when you bat your eyelashes at him. “I will check pantry.”

***

Day Seven

“—as of today, authorities are lifting the ban on nonessential travel—”

“Yes!” You launch yourself into the air, twirling around and pumping your fists before landing lightly on the couch once more. “Finally!”

Piotr laughs and shakes his head. “What, is staying inside with me so terrible?”

“Absolutely not.” You crawl across the couch and into his lap, then give him a loud smooch. “I have enjoyed every single day of your company. However, you’ve got about fifteen minutes before I start repainting the walls out of sheer boredom.”

Piotr bursts into raucous guffaws. He puts a hand over his eyes, shoulders and stomach shaking with each laugh. He sighs, wiping tears of mirth from his eyes as minute giggles slip past his lips. “Well, we do need to restock on food. And flour and butter, since someone decided to open bakery yesterday.”

You pointedly ignore the pies and full cookie jar sitting on the kitchen counter. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

He snorts, then pats your thigh. “Get dressed, myshka. We will go shopping.”

“Fuck yeah!” You zip up the stairs.

Downstairs, you can hear Piotr start laughing again.

#sass writes #piotr rasputin x reader #colossus x reader #nathan summers x wade wilson #negasonic teenage warhead x yukio #heavy on the fluff #because this year has been a shitload of angst #and quite frankly im done with it #deadpool fanfiction #x men fanfiction

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