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moodymisty · 2 years

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Thank you for the Din headcanons I couldn’t stop smiling while reading them😊. It’s been on my mind recently but how would The Bad Batch teach the Reader how to do what they were made to? Would they make good teachers? Would they want to teach the Reader at all? I have my own ideas but I’d love to know your opinions as well. Enjoy the rest of your day/evening!

Author's note: I'm glad you liked them! I was going to finish some fics ive had baking, but it seems my brain wanted to do this right away so, enjoy!

I hope someone likes my very specific characterizations of these boys lol

Hunter, Crosshair, Tech, Echo and Wrecker x Gn!Reader

✦ Tech ✦

Tech I feel like is the type of person who really, genuinely enjoys teaching people. He loves nothing more than to blab about something, and almost vibrates into another plane of existence at the idea of someone being interested in something he's interested in enough to actually want to learn from him.

It's just the way he teaches that sometimes ends up raising problems.

He tends to gloss over smaller steps he deems trivial assuming you know them, or goes far too fast for the average person to keep up with. But after he ends up becoming closer to you, Omega, or both of you, he begins to realize that no one else is wired the way he is and he needs to slow his brain down one or two notches.

It's admittedly hard for him to do; And it’s often the reason his brothers try to avoid getting stuck in that sort of situation with him. He's trying his best, just bear with him a bit and please don’t leave, because he’s really enjoying this.

He just sometimes forgets that not everyone knows the most efficient layout for a motherboard's electrical path, and glossed over that part. But if you stick with him you'll probably end up sitting around for hours chatting and working on something together.

He also tends to get extremely lovey dovey in these moments, so expect plenty of kisses to the temple and cheek when you do something right.

✦ Crosshair ✦

Depending on your preferred learning style, Crosshair would probably be the best, or worst teacher you could possibly have. And this is providing he even accepts your half joking request anyways; As for the first while you know him, the answer will undoubtedly be no.

It just takes a bit for him to warm up to the idea of you, like some sort of pouty, borderline feral loth cat. Once he is, he's more apt to the idea. And if anything, he may come to you, under the guise of showing off or sating your curiosity.

If you're someone who just wants someone to show you what to do, and then step back while you learn from your mistakes, he's your man.

He doesn't hover, but he'll point out if the butt of the rifle is not against your shoulder right so you don't get a nasty bruise. If you don’t listen, he’ll get a good chuckle out of it.

He largely sees trying to teach you something as an opportunity for you to be alone together, and to show you something he's good at. He just enjoys the act of actually having something to talk about he knows well, like the back of his hand. He secretly gets a little happy if you enjoy it too, but he doesn't exactly show it.

✦ Wrecker ✦

Wrecker has the best intentions, but sometimes they don’t turn out perfectly. He'd love nothing more than to teach you, but often times it turns from 'teaching' to 'lets do something fun that'll probably get us both in trouble'.

Working out turns into messing around and someone breaking something, bomb wiring turns into a situation where there's -for a split second- a fear you might blow everyone up; And loading the Marauder turns into you climbing around the storage compartments like a stowaway loth cat until you’re stuck and someone more lithe like Tech or Hunter has to help you out.

So while in theory Wrecker has a ton of things he'd love to show you, teach you, and do with you, most of the time that ends up not happening.

If anything it kind of works out in it's own way; You end up learning by doing and in the progress, Wrecker gets his own little explosive enthusiast who also looks adorable when there’s soot you accidentally rubbed on your face, and he tries to rub it off but only makes it worse.

✦ Hunter ✦

Hunter is honestly probably the best all-around teacher. He is patient enough and helpful, and provided it's not anything too dangerous (he’s already busted you and Wrecker trying to build flashbangs not once, not twice, but three times) he'll show you.

But while you'll never be able to do things on the level that he can thanks to his incredible senses, he can teach you all the little tricks he's learned; And ends up making you one hell of a tracker in the process. It ends up being a helpful set of skills to have, especially post Order-66.

He enjoys the walks in nature he takes with you while teaching you, listening to animals or tracking footprints, trying to learn the way animals(and people) move and the habits they have.

And, Hunter can't exactly help being a little prideful when he sees you are getting damn good at it, and know that he's the one that taught you.

✦ Echo ✦

Echo's someone who refuses your notion at teaching you at first under the pretense he thinks he would be an awful teacher.

This is something that's particularly true if he sees you as a gentler soul than he is; He's got that ARC Trooper discipline, and doesn't want to end up hurting your feelings.

He ends up finding a middle ground of you watching him, and injecting a bit of conversation every now and again.

But as time passes, Echo ends up slowly over time teaching you how to help with his cybernetics; And thus you end up learning about cybernetics in general.

It's normally Tech that does it, particularly any sort of upgrade and while Tech is great; There's something about you that’s much more soothing. Tech is, clinical to say the least, and working with particularly his legs is traumatic at times. He prefers teaching you how to do it, and feeling your more gentle touch and voice.

And as a side effect you end up getting quite good with the stuff, particularly problem solving; As Echo's enhancements are far from standard. And as such eventually Tech (abit grumpily) allows you to just handle everything for Echo apart from any emergencies or critical things.

And something that was once pretty hard for Echo actually turns into a bit of a teaching moment, as he points and guides your hands around masses of wires and metal.

'You're a great teacher' You say at one point, and then quickly laugh at how his face noticeably heats up.

#mywriting #tbb x reader #the bad batch x reader #hunter x reader #crosshair x reader #tech x reader #wrecker x reader #echo x reader

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straightfromthetorturedpoetsdept · 1 year

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So, the archer is like the perfect song to describe the autistic experience of unmasking for the first time imo. And that's basically what I'm going to write about in this post so here we go.

The first verse starting off with challenging herself on her desires, because of the effect that media has on her, is such an autistic coded line to me personally. "Combat, I'm ready for combat, I say I don't want that but what if I do?" Just perfectly describes how difficult it can be as an undiagnosed autistic person to figure out what aspects of your personality are real and which parts are for show.

Pairing that with "cruelty wins in the movies, ive got a hundred thrown out speeches I almost said to you" is such a great line to further my autistic analysis of this song because like idk this is just autism to me. Or rather, this is what it feels like to learn that I'm autistic and revisit my entire memory bank with this knowledge trying to figure out what I actually desire out of life. The admission here that you take your cues from movies can also be seen as an autistic admission of masking through popular media.

I know for me, once I started dating my current partner, I really had to unlearn a lot of unrealistic expectations I developed through watching TV as a child. Now that I know I'm autistic, I can see how those movie ideals affected the way I interact and behave. I also think that the tension here between what she says and what her thoughts are reveal a disconnect of not knowing who you truly are because you've been masking for so long that your entire personality is just what appeals to the broadest group of strangers.

Then we get into the core fear running throughout the song, "who could ever leave me darling, but who could stay?" Is such a HEARTBREAKING lyric. Like there are so many ways you can talk about this lyric but if you're viewing it through an autistic lens, this lyric really gets to the heart of the brokenness that many undiagnosed autistic adults feel.

You've crafted such an artifical version of yourself that is appealing to people that they're initially attracted to you, but the cost of keeping that mask up gets unrealistic and once it starts to slip and you should people your "true" colors, you start losing them. They can't stay, once they see who you really are.

I've felt this way my entire life, like I'm just an awful self-centered human being who is unlovable and fakes things for attention, and my compulsive lying as a kid was proof of that instead of proof that I was trying so hard to present an acceptable mask without even knowing that's what I was doing.

Then we get the second verse, where she explains why she feels like nobody could stay with her and she points to her desire to "search for your dark side," even if she's alright being in the present moment with people. She can't help but feel like people who are "too" nice are hiding something from her, which can be seen as another autistic feeling because so many of us do this esp undiagnosed adults!!

We don't value people who don't seem to want anything from us because it feels "too good to be true," and then she says "I cut off my nose just to spite my face and hate my reflection for years and years." This is another thing that undiagnosed autistic people can do, there is high comorbidity between autism and EDs for example. Like, she is saying here that she's so unhappy with herself that she punishes herself with her ED and this makes her feel like a bad person who "deserves to be alone." I think that this is something a lot of autistic people can relate to, in particular.

Then we get "I wake in the night, I pace like a ghost" which is something my autism has actually done to me before. Like, I've gone to bed anxious and that anxiety just compounds in my sleep until I wake up and pace through my house until I calm down. I'm not saying she's doing it cause she's autistic, but I am saying that my autistic ass relates to this lyric in this particular way. Especially this idea of walking up feeling like the room is on fire with invisible smoke, and the way that she repeats "help me hold onto you," which is such an honest admission of needing help to see the truth.

Like, the anxiety here and the desire she feels to not let it ruin her relationship to the point where she is asking her partner "help me hold onto you," because she knows she can't do it on her own because her thoughts are too dark to let her see the reality of their situation at times like this.

And then we get the most autistic part of the song to me, the bridge where she basically repeats the sentiment "they see right through me, I see right through me, do you see right through me?" This to me is like the epitome of the masked autistic experience. This is how I felt my entire life, this is how I looked for a connection my entire life, wanting someone to see who I am but dreading it at the same time because you don't want to be rejected for things you can't change about yourself.

Oh and then the part about "all the kings men couldn't put me together again" is how it feels to realize that you've been using sex and male approval to soothe the fear that you have that you're unlovable and then pairing it with "all of my enemies started out friends" is such a raw admission of feeling like you're the problem all the time, because you've made all your friends hate you.

The archer just hits all the fears I had as an undiagnosed autistic person and it transports me back to a time where I still felt that way and I didn't know that I'm actually pretty fucking normal and not broken at all and that's why even though I adore the song, it hurts way too much to stream consistently for me.

#the archer #autism #unmasking autism chronicles #taylor swift #personal #lyric analysis #song analysis

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trickstarbrave · 1 year

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omg okay that's adorable. more thoughts on obsidian and his mom if you have any more to give?

yknow i dont think i have any more ansa bits but i have his bio mom's info and other things. warning of spoilers

>current working name is vuriiaaz, which means dawn, essence, mercy

>scales were a mix of white and red but tbh i should just bite the bullet and draw her in dragon form

>supported alduin's right to rule tho not rly his tyranny. he kinda lost his marbles a little after his wife was murdered, as you do when ur a god. her perspective was akatosh's ability to rule was compromised, so. if you cant be king it goes to your firstborn (alduin) and also alduin as really strong, and if you're strong then you're right to dragons. this was also before they hooked up so it wasn't bias or power seeking (though that might have played a part in it if she was LMAO)

>duty was supposed to be preventing and fixing time wounds and dragon breaks as akatosh foresaw those being an issue. was supposed to be in charge of all the ladies doing that as he quickly realized some organization might be good for that. uhhhhh then she died. bet akatosh was mad abt that come the huge ass first era dragon break huh

>yknow i havent considered yet what killed her. like ive covered she was purposefully murdered but uhhhhh im working on that. uncle shenanigans are more funny to me so thats what i have in my brain all the time

>had her most loyal priests take the eggs individually to hide them away, fearing if they were altogether they would be found and destroyed. was right and most of the dragon priests over time were hunted down with the eggs destroyed.

>one hid away in a tomb though attempting to hatch the egg for an heir to alduin's reign. didnt work since alduin was MIA from the elder scroll and vuriiaaz was kinda not alive and one of the parents has to be around to hatch it

>dragon eggs are surprisingly hard to destroy so i think they had to be like. destroyed via magic

>pre-hatching the dragons are in a weird form of soul stasis. if not actively incubated they just kinda remain temporarily frozen. then start back up again once they are. this means there can be wildly different incubation periods ranging from like, months to decades, usually around a couple of years as dragons have shit to do.

>obsidian doesnt know why he doesn't have siblings. kinda bummed abt it. but could you imagine ansa juggling multiple dragon babies that would be hilarious they would burn down riften if she left them alone too long

>baby dragons stay little for a relatively decent amount of time. when theyre like, teenagers they are still half the size of big dragons. then their power starts to really grow as they master their thuum and they hit a massive growth spurt and become Big (adult) dragons. sometimes they can be stuck in their awkward teenage phase for decades or even centuries in theory but they wont get big until they learn and mature. this makes it in theory convenient to carry them around but ansa is probably gonna learn that convenient for a dragon is prob going to quickly become not convenient for a mortal.

>until dragons become adults they aren't given the same rights as adults. still have to listen to their parents, and are their parent's responsibility. if someone's kid offends someone higher up, it'll be their parents paying for it. dragons are strict on hierarchy after all. this also means little ones and teenagers can't seriously challenge anyone, not even other little younglings, though you will see them practicing with their voice or sometimes bullying younger ones

>typically dragons wait until all their babies grow up before having another clutch, if they wanna. there are exceptions like if a clutch is very small, a lot of dragons have died recently, etc. it's just hard to juggle like 5 kids with more on the way. though its not uncommon to wait until the first clutch is like, teenagers to try for another round of babies.

oh wait i have an ansa fact:

>has no memories before the age of 5. she isn't bothered by this whatsoever and thinks this is totally normal, to the horror and confusion of everyone else.

#ansa #skyrim #alduin #obsidian #my ocs

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myristicisms · 1 year

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Five songs that remind you of your muse;;

Zack Fair

i. Your Teeth In My Neck - Kali Uchis

Some people worship diamonds and pearls, silver and gold Just to hold it They'd give anything in the world Kill us all off They'd take our worth they pay us dirt Is it worth it? What do I do it for? I've been working so hard just to give you more Gotta get right What do you do it for? Rich man keeps getting richer, taking from the poor You gotta get right

ii. In Your Eyes - The Weeknd ft Doja Cat

You always try to hide the pain You always know just what to say I always look the other way I'm blind, I'm blind In your eyes You lie, but I don't let it define you Oh, define you I never lied When I cried for you And I know you cry too (Know you cry too) You're reading minds Just couldn't deny you do Always hard to say bye to you (And I taught myself to say)

iii. Safe And Sound - Capital Cities

I could lift you up I could show you what you want to see And take you where you want to be You could be my luck Even if the sky is falling down I know that we'll be safe and sound We're safe and sound I could fill your cup You know my river won't evaporate This world we still appreciate You could be my luck Even in a hurricane of frowns I know that we'll be safe and sound

iv. Caustic Prayer - Eidola

I've got a feeling you've been selling me out I never bought it I never wanted for you to be so cynical Your disposition is a foot in the grave We're never honest I never wanted for you to celebrate When you get led astray Talk to me discretely Keep your secrets close There's no one left to trust out here When you need them the most Do you believe everything you're told? Oh, a disciple I was built to walk this earth alone And learn how to forgive myself again You won't win With all your hate and all your lies It will come as no surprise when you get lost (when you get lost) Among (the weak) the weak When you're falling out of reach So tell me now Do you know what it is to fall And get right back up every time? Do you know how to let go?

Burn my effigy I will always stand on my two feet And be unafraid

v. Obsolete - Of Mice & Men

Another frozen frame, another glitch inside my consciousness So I pick my poison and just choke it down until I start to spin And while the world just slowly turns, I fade like fog into the sea While the mighty galleon burns around me, I slowly start to sink Maybe I'm not ready to be set free Maybe these shackles are what I need If you find the answers, come rescue me But I can't hold my breath So can you wake me from my sleep And show me now that this is just a dream? 'Cause I'm a whisper, once a scream And I'm afraid of what's in store for me Becoming obsolete

Tagged by;; @grieverled (ty bestie!!!!)

Tagging;; Anyone who wants to snatch!!

#MUSE;; Zack Fair #UNSPOKEN FREEDOMS;; DASH GAMES #TO BE A SOLDIER;; MUSINGS

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beesmygod · 2 years

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Hello, do u have any game recommendations for the steam winter sale? If not don’t worry. Have a nice day!

what a sweet question...my recommendations are going to suck so sorry ahead of time

dark souls remastered - $19.99 / dark souls 3 - $14.99 : you know what these are. i still think the remaster price is bullshit. that's a good price for 3 tho.

sekiro - $29.99 : this game took a long time to grow on me but man. it fucking rules.

fallout new vegas ultimate - $7.99 : the good bethesda game not made by bethesda. a steal for a game that i dropped a ton of time into over the years. for some reason it just kept pulling me back in! it's just kinda fun to explore, you know.

morrowind GOTY edition - $4.59 : god i love morrowind. uh, once i modded it to hell and back lol. the base game is not very playable. but once you fix all that shit my god its easily my favorite bethesda game. it has absolute faith in the player to fucking figure shit out and doesn't give you waypoints. instead you have to ask around and get directions! they have not and will never make a world this weird again. you ride around on giant insects and explore cities with bizarro architecture that's easy to get lost in. you meet living gods and dunmer who have gaping holes in their faces and empty skulls. the fauna are fucking dinosaurs. its so fucking good. AND everyone fucking HATES YOU LMFAO. EVERYONE. absolutely no one wants you to be the chosen one. its great.

oblivion GOTY edition deluxe - $5.99 : morrowind's much much dumber brother. hysterically bad at times. breaks in the funniest ways. install mods so it breaks more often. one time i walked into a village and everyone was t posing outside and slowly slid to the left through houses and barns and shit until they disappeared into a mountain. just wonderful.

dishonored definitive edition - $4.99 / dishonoured 2 deluxe bundle - $11.99 : extremely fun series where you get to teleport around and kill people. takes itself very seriously which makes it all the more charming lol. it feels good to play, you know.

opus magnum - $9.99 : i still havent finished this puzzle game because its hard but like. good hard. reminds me of the difficulty of 90s puzzle games that were geared toward adults.

two point hospital - $8.74 : this is just the base game bc the price for everything is completely out of pocket. this is a hospital sim game. run your hospital. hire your staff. build your rooms. try not to kill people. don't go bankrupt. good luck!

disco elysium - $17.99 : you know what this is.

girls like robots - $3.49 : a little puzzle game that scratches an itch ive been drastically trying to scratch. you can pick up and put down quickly. i like it

sunless sea - $6.45 : taking place in the world of the browser game "fallen london", you pilot a ship and manage your sanity, HP and food meters while out at sea. slowly reveal the map, find ways to make money by determining the best trade routes, and meddle in everyone's affairs. everyone's. the fellas at the salt lions will trade with you until the supply dries up and the fed-up postal workers have their own very insular culture that doesn't involve you and the polythreme causes all inanimate to become alive. all of them. pretty neat.

civ 6 anthology - $29.88 : ugghhhhhh 30 dollars?! in this economy?! damn you sid meiers and your stupid piecemeal dlc releases. you might as well get the full bundle bc the base game is unplayable. they shipped half a game. this pissed me off so much next time im pirating. good game tho.

pathologic 2 - $9.79 : maybe a little too close to reality right now but it is one of the best games ive ever played. feel free to play it on any difficulty option (this game is notorious for its perceived difficulty) but know that you're supposed to die and fail repeatedly. you cannot save them all. you won't save them all. maybe on the next playthrough, you can take what you've learned, try again.

planescape: torment - $5.99 : i played this ancient game this year and had an absolute blast with it lol. despite knowing nothing about the lore of the world, i managed to get sucked in to this really weird place the game dropped me in and quickly caught up on all the details.

sleeping dogs - $2.99 : neo-noir mystery set in hong kong. you play an undercover cop trying to infiltrate a gang so the game has you working both criminal stuff and police work at the same time. neat concept. funny on purpose at times. but my god the ending is disappointing lol. im telling you now to spare you the "that's it?!" feeling

saints row 4 game of the century edition - $4.99 : deeply stupid game. the johnny gat DLC is supposed to be terrible. the christmas one was a hoot. its mindless.

SOMA - $4.49 : philosophical horror game about consciousness. i dont know if there's a way to describe it without sounding pretentious. the way the player choices are utilized is the best way ive seen in a game so far since it reaches past the character youre playing to you, the player. highly recommend to play the mode where the monsters dont kill you. i fucking hate frictional games' gameplay. its wretched stuff. plus the monsters are pretty cool lol i liked looking at them

star wars knights of the old republic 1 & 2 - $3.49 : these games are worth exactly this much. the first one is one of the stupidest games ive ever played in my entire life and i dont think ive laughed so much. its like a b-movie in game form. its a riot, its just not good. the second one is made by obsidian and NEEDS!!! the patch!!!! to be a fully playable game. with the restored content its not half bad and the writing still drops into b-level territory delightfully.

#steam sale

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the-winter-spider · 2 years

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Love You More | Pt.6

Word Count: 1.7k

Warning: Swearing, talks of depression.

A/N: Ive never had a story planned like the way this one is, so its just an absolute breeze to write. In case theres any confusion this is a flashback part of the reader briefly during the couple months after Endgame + after Bucky told the reader he needed space.

Not Edited or proof read.

Masterlist (coming soon) | Masterpost

2023

You sat in the same spot you’ve been in since you got home from what you thought was your first real date with Bucky since the 1940s but you were so wrong. Disgustingly wrong.

You werent mad at him you could never be mad at him but god was your hesrt fucking shattered. You have no idea why you even bothered to get your hopes up anymore, especially after everything you’ve been through. How the hell did you not learn by now?

You were a mess and even that was an understatement you were a shell of a shell of a person you once were. Steve would have tried to talk some sense into you, try to reason with you about how the world needed you, and you’d reluctantly give him a nod, swallowing any and all feelings to the pits of your mind, turning into what he wanted, a soldier ready for a war.

Or, Tony would come by and first try to coax you out with humour. If he would even see a sliver of what he thought was a smile or a groan that sounded like it could be a laugh he’d consider that a win, and even though he tried so hard to be cool and collected because he had to be, he would let a sliver of that giant heart out and how could you say no to pushing through this for someone who wanted the best for everyone and only saw the best in you.

And Nat, would sit and wallow with you until you were done. She's there for you without doing too much but it was more than enough. She’d make sure you got off your ass and took care of yourself. She’d put you before the mission, before the avengers, before herself. And seeing her show you such love even if it was subtle and not in spoken words but actions, you’d be sure as hell to show her you accepted that love and got off your ass.

Your mind played out each scene. You felt the way Natasha would lean down in front of you, the way Tony would give you a shoulder squeeze pulling you in for a side hug, the way Steve’s voice would bounce off the walls. It's like you could see them, feel them, hear them but they of course weren't there.

None of them were here anymore. They were all gone, they all left. They’re all dead and not coming back.

Your eyes were focused on the TV playing in the background, well was playing in the background till you saw the ‘NEW CAPTAIN AMERICA’ flash across the screen and it most certainly wasn’t Sam.

You tried your best to get your ears to focus but you could only hear ringing, you pulled yourself back in just in time to hear the woman on TV talking about you and your family.

“Now that Steve Rogers, Tony Stark and Natasha Romanoff are gone, who do we have left to save us if something happens again?”

The male news anchor weighed in “We have Spider Man”

“He’s got to be just a kid, the Falcon — Sam Wilson gave up the shield that Steve Rogers gave to him, how can he be reliable after that”

“Y/N Y/L/N”

She scoffed “How can we rely on someone who falls off the edge of the world after The Winter Soldier breaks up with her? The video of her aggressively walking out of that restaurant went viral for a reason and it wasn't because of her being an Avenger but from the storm that followed, she should be locked up, someone with her capabilities she's too unpredictable, unsteady”

“Now Sally, don’t you think you're being a little too harsh on the girl? She lost her family while trying to help bring the rest of the worlds theres back”

“All I'm saying is when you're a human with super abilities you have a certain responsibility to uphold and she's just not doing that for me. I think the Avengers are over. I don't feel safe with people like them hiding right under our noses”

“Y/N i know you're in there, open up doll please” His voice was soft he was resting his forehead on the door. It had been almost a month since he last saw you. He walked by your apartment countless times. It was nowhere near his or near his therapist office but it was the only way he could feel close to you any more.

Especially when you wouldn’t answer his calls, you wouldn’t answer his texts and the only reason he figured out how to remotely do that was to reach out to you but he settled for listening to your voicemail the “Hi you’ve reached Y/N if you have this number odds are your probably in the compound with me and are too lazy to come find me” it would pause and you could hear Natasha in the background say “It was one time… okay maybe more than 10” then Steve and your laughter was heard before you continued “But if not i guess leave a message” then Tony shouted “She won't get back to you bye!” before the beep was heard.

But 4 weeks was far too long he had to know you were alright. Sam told him he stopped by 2 weeks ago and could hear the TV on, and see your shadow under the door but you weren’t answering him either. So Bucky was hoping this wasn’t about him telling you he needed time. He felt so stupid doing that, he talked about it with Steve after you left, the night Steve told the two of you he was going to stay.

Steve told him he was being stupid, that it wasn’t by chance all three of you were alive just like it wasn’t by chance when he went to collect the infinity stones with Tony he just so happened to hide in Peggy’s office. It wasnt by chance, it was simply fate.

Bucky knew he was being stupid, he knew everything Steve and you had done for him, to get him back to save him. All the sacrifices you made but it was just so easy for Steve to toss him and you to the side he was scared that once you realized he wasn’t the same Bucky anymore you’d do the same. But you also weren’t the same Y/N he fell in love with anymore and nothing scared him more than falling out of love with you.

What was a little more time he thought?

You stood there staring at the door, you could see his shadow from under the door frame. You felt like you were on fire, it was quite literally possible for you to set yourself on fire too and you would set yourself on fire if it meant Bucky was here to beg for you back with ring in hand.

“Please, it's about the shield about Steve. We need to get it back, back to where it belongs”

Burning.

“I'm done Buck” Your voice was hoarse, your throat scratchy, you're positive he wouldn’t have even heard it if it wasn't for the serum.

“What do you mean you're done?” He banged a little harder “Open the door, let's talk please”

“Go away, James. I don't want you here”

He scoffed “You're really going to do this? After everything Steve did for you?”

You winced, the glass cup in your hand shattering to the ground, water pooling around your feet. Putting out the fire that was burning in you momentarily.

It was silent for too long you didnt move, you stood there in the water, surrounded by glass shards.

“Y/N I didn’t — Im sorry” And he stood there a little longer, the floor creaked as he walked away.

“Bucky told me he came by” Sam paused hoping you’d say anything, he felt stupid talking to a door so he closed his eyes and pretended it was you “Y/N i know your hurting, i cant try to help you or to try and understand what your feeling unless you let me in. We dealt with loss and it hurts. I get that I do but we need to carry on for them, we need to pave the path for the future.”

You were laying on your couch watching your ceiling fan spinning around and around. It had been 12 weeks since Bucky stopped by, he didn't call, he didn't text. You were almost positive that this was Sam’s last effort in trying to coax you out but the truth was he wasn't Natasha, he wasn't Steve, he wasn’t Tony. And you weren't even you.

You wanted to try so bad for Sam, he was so good, he was light, he was airy, and god was he so easy to talk to. Maybe that was why you couldn’t bring yourself to talk to him because then everything would come bubbling over, who knows what would happen then. Sally, the news lady was right, you were unpredictable, unsteady and not safe to be around. You didnt even wanna be around you anymore.

“I’m not sure how much of the news you’ve seen but a lot has happened” Pause “Bucky and I are going to work again, who knows we might even become friends, he's going to help me with our family boat — We could use your help to, not just with the boat but to keep us from killing each other” He let out a small laugh “Ill text you where we’ll be, call me anytime y/n. Take care of yourself”

The floor started to creak, he was leaving. You tried to imagine what Sam looked like standing there, the truth was you forgot what he looked like, you forgot what they all looked like, they were burning memories fraying away. You’re sure you’d forget the sound of his voice in a couple weeks too, just like you did with all of them.

“Almost forgot… we got the shield back”

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junko-and-riri-domain · 3 years

Text

exam season ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ ni-ki

“you aren't wasting my time, and you need rest. please, ___ this isn’t healthy.” riki pleaded, and he seemed so genuinely concerned for you. “I know we’re labelled as rivals all the time but I want to get to know you better. as someone who ranked 1 consistently, I wanted to meet the one person who managed to achieve the same thing."

you and nishimura riki are rivals under the same company. after all, being the same age and pretty much the same level of talent made you and him quite unstoppable. the company thought it’d be a good idea to let you two meet and get along, but it turned out to be quite the opposite ordeal. though, this always remained to be a respectful rivalry. nothing petty.

warnings : overworked reader, insecurities, fainting from exhaustion, hints at negative body image ( good ending )

note : this is also off the top of my head, please ignore any mistakes !

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ rest under the cut

what were you supposed to think?

you had to admit it to yourself though, similar age and practically same amount of skill in dance would mean that this unit would be pretty much unstoppable. it’s just ;; the unspoken consequences of young teamwork at play.

training for about half a year at belift, you’ve become quite popular among the trainees. they describe you as a dance prodigy. if you were going to be honest, it was kind of embarrassing. the spotlight was okay depending on the circumstances but, to be described as something so honorable made you feel like you weren’t worthy of it. on top of that, your vocals were always stable while practicing, making you stand out and always place #1 on exams.

and so you started to practice harder, with the same thought of

‘i have to prove that i’m worthy to be labeled as a prodigy, otherwise why else am i here?’

to ni-ki, you were always so hardworking. sometimes, he thought it was too much. he’d pass by the room you were practicing in during lunch breaks and he would see you dancing your heart out, sweat threatening to fall from your face. he could tell you were tired, but due to the rules, he wasn’t allowed to talk to you. he considered you his opponent in a way, but it wasn’t to the extent of ruining your workflow.

and to you, ni-ki seemed like a charming rival. the way he danced had always mesmerized you, his snaps and swift moves are always close to perfect. this motivated you to practice even harder, despite already achieving extreme skill. you often nitpicked on yourself and keep saying that you’re not doing something well enough, and that you’re not good enough and you have to try harder. you honestly thought he was kind of annoying. not only is he literally so tall, he's a dancing machine. everything that you wanted to be. ni-ki may have been your unspoken rival,

but overcoming your extreme feeling to be better than the previous day is your true rival.

coming home after training, you were always exhausted. as much water you drank, it never felt as if it quenched the thirst you brought upon yourself from working so hard. while doing homework you always zoned out, your concentration nowhere to be found. at some point, you even stopped messaging your friends as much as before, ignoring any notification that popped up and practicing till the sun peeked above the horizon.

this feeling of wanting to slip away into well-deserved rest never sat right with you.

'if I have time to do something, then I'll do it now. rest can wait.'

---

the week before, an exam was assigned to all the trainees. the exam was to be separated by gender, but you thought this was kind of dumb. and so what did you do? you asked the choreographer if you could take both of the choreographies instead of being categorized into one section.

"that's a great idea, ___! I'll allow it this once, since you always rank 1 anyways. in fact, why don't I ask riki if he wants to do an co-op exam with you? you guys are the same age right?"

all you could do was let out a hum and nod.

'nishimura riki... I hope I don't mess anything up.'

"he always ranks 1 in exams as well so I think it'd be perfect!" he continued, a bright smile flashed across his face at the realization of a great performance in development.

he walks off, and briskly walks to where riki usually practiced.

phew

you let out a breath you didn't even know you were holding. you've done many exams before but it had never been with another person. trying to convince yourself everything would be okay, your intrusive thoughts came in again.

'what if i embarass myself? what if I can't learn the choreo and mess everything up? what if he doesn't like m- wait. that doesn't even matter- ugh.'

you stood there for so long thinking to yourself about the future that one of the trainees had to tap you on the shoulder to make sure you didn't see medusa or something. repeating your little sorries and thank yous, you left the practice room and went on your way home.

you'd think that after weeks of non-stop overworking you'd hit your limit by now. the thing is, you never learn your lesson until you have to learn it the hard way. and that's exactly what's gonna happen.

---

back to the present, riki was currently doing a run-over of what he thinks you guys should do to make the choreography better. if there was one thing you and him had in common, it's that you always wanted to be ranked 1 through hard work.

however, you disagreed with some of the steps he created, and respectfully asked if you could show him what you were thinking of. in all honesty, riki was quite impressed. he'd never seen you dance up close since all he was able to do was take quick glances, but seeing you pour your heart into what you love and being absolutely great at it, it kind of gave him the feels.

yes. the feels. the butterflies. 🦋🦋🦋

though, in the next moment, butterflies was far from what he felt. his stomach did a full 180 and his face in such a shocked state as he watched your eyes roll back as your body practically shut down in front of him. he sped down to your side quickly and shouted for help, as he tried to shake you awake.

"please please wake up, I'm not sure if you'd wake up at all if you fell asleep so please..."

was the last faint thing you heard before slipping into unconsciousness.

---

beep , beep , beep

your eyes flutter open to reveal that you were in the nurse's office in the same building. to say you were relieved was an understatement, hospitals scared you a lot more since they'd have to call your parents.

looking around the dim room, it still resembled a hospital room, monitor, needles, riki, IV, wait. riki?

your eyes practically shot back to where he sat, head bowed down in an awkward position, closed eyes with phone in hands.

honestly speaking, it was kind of cute. but you knew it was uncomfortable. and you also felt SUPER guilty making him wait for you and practically ruining practice. he stirred a bit, easy to wake up due to the uncomfy position his neck was in.

in a couple of seconds you hear him ask, "___? you're awake?"

"riki.. what happened?"

"the trainer, our choreographer and the building's medical team were all here. they said that you were overworking yourself. not only that, you didn't eat, drink, or sleep enough. which I can only assume is because you're constantly practicing."

"... I'm guessing that has to be true then, if I'm already here. riki, I'm sorry."

"sorry for what?"

"for wasting your time. you didn't have to be tangled up in my mess if I wasn't an idiot and asked them for a different exam. we could'v-"

he cut you off, “you aren't wasting my time, and you need rest. please, ___ this isn’t healthy.” riki pleaded, and he seemed so genuinely concerned for you. “I know we’re labelled as rivals all the time but I want to get to know you better. as someone who ranked 1 consistently, I wanted to meet the one person who managed to achieve the same thing. you didn't disappoint me, you didn't waste my time, in fact, it was fun watching you disagree with the things I said. but then you fainted in front of me. I had no idea what to do, but thankfully Jungwon-hyung came in and helped me. but all that aside, your body needs rest. I've talked too much."

"it's okay, your voice seems to be making me sleepy anyways."

he didn't know whether to take that as a compliment or an insult.

you handed him a spare pillow from your bed though, so he'll just take it as a compliment for now.

he didn't know what took over him in the next few seconds but he slowly put his phone in his pocket and reached his hand out to you, his hand resting on the bed right next to your waistline. as if it was beckoning you, your hand gravitated towards his, and the warmth of his hand and his comforting presence was enough to lull you back to sleep.

---

all the trainees in the floor were gathered in practice room #1, awaiting the announcement to see who got rank 1.

of course, they were expecting you and riki, but not together at the same time.

"nishimura riki, ___ ___. rank #1"

you and riki looked at each other in excitement, you could do nothing but listen at the moment, but celebration was in order later.

celebration? oh did you mean cuddles, making sure you're rested well and eating okay, hand holding, and a whole lot of light-hearted teasing? yeah.

[end]

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ written by junko

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170 notes · View notes

yolkyeomie · 3 years

Text

Humanity of the Inhuman | Kim Sunwoo

summary — legends are meant for the wild fantasies of the dream world, but when one myth suddenly comes true, you find yourself tangled within its webs of reality.

word count — 5.9k words

pairing — sunwoo x female!reader (ft x juyeon)

genre —college au, gumiho au

disclaimer —!! light mentions of death, blood, and injury !! lol happy birthday to my favorite writing muse in the world, sunwoo :)

part I | part II | part III | part IV?

You close the door behind you, a deep sigh falling out your mouth as you try to recount the events from today. Though you didn’t get very much time to yourself before you were rudely interrupted by banging coming from you bathroom door and an irritated voice shouting at you. “Hey! I know you’re here, I heard the door open and close! Are you going to let me out now or what?”

You glanced down the hall that led to the bathroom and saw the yellow paper talisman stuck on the door, completely untouched since you had placed it there to keep the gumiho in one place. “Wow, it actually works.” You mumble to yourself, slowly approaching the door knowing that the boy inside was struggling to escape.

You didn’t know how effective the talisman would be since nine tails were said to be rather powerful beings but it was truly working wonders to keep him in one place. Maybe he wasn’t very strong in reality? “Hey fox boy! I’ve got some questions, if you answer at least one of them I’ll let you out.”

You could hear the boy scoff from the inside, probably in disbelief that he was being held hostage by a human with no power to their name. “Doesn’t that sound fair?” You continued, “your freedom for information that I want, good deal right?”

“I don’t think I’m understanding correctly,” the boy began, slamming his fist against the bathroom door one last time to try and break free. You jumped back on instinct, the gumiho’s strength shaking the door on its hinges. Yet the paper talisman stood strong and refused to budge, making it hard for you to not break a smile a few moments later at the gumiho’s struggle. “What information could you, a human, possibly need from a gumiho, huh? Are you trying to get yourself killed?”

“I’m curious,” you admit, sitting down in front of the door and watching the boy’s shadow underneath the small gap in the door. “I'm taking mythology as a fun little elective class and we were just beginning to learn the lore behind nine tailed foxes, I just wanna see which type of myths are true and fake.”

“And you had to lock me,” the door handle jiggled for a moment to show the gumiho’s distress, “in your bathroom to do this?”

“You tried to kill me! What else was I supposed to do?” You complained, frustrated with the boy despite not even being face to face with him. “I was lucky enough to have a talisman sitting in my house that my parents had gotten me weeks ago! If I didn’t push you in there and put the talisman on the door, you probably would have eaten my liver or something.”

“I wouldn’t have eaten your liver,” the boy argued, a loud thump hitting the door as he spoke. It didn’t sound like a punch, more like he had put his back on the door and leaned ups against it. “Even if I wanted to, you made the dumb decision of saving me so now I’m in debt to you.”

“What? I’m sorry, can you run that back for a second?” You questioned, scooting up toward the door eagerly at this new piece of information. “What do you mean you're in debt to me?”

“The other day, when you told me you had saved me after I was attacked? You’ve binded me to you for doing me that favor, leaving me in debt to you. I cannot harm you while I’m debt to you unless I repay you for it.”

The silence between the two of you let a cold shiver run down your spine, though you were too busy processing the information he had given you. “It’s kinda like… an honor code but for gumihos. It was put in place by higher spirits in hopes of lessening the attacks caused by us. It never really worked though, no one dares to approach a fox in fear of being eaten.”

“I’m guessing that’s how it was centuries ago or something…,” you snorted, crossing your arms as you reminisced upon you accidentally stumbling across his injured body.

“Because no one tried, the message never got passed down to the next generations,” he explained, “so it’s become a lost piece of our mythos. Honestly I would have liked to keep it that way as well, but here you are bringing this rule back to fruition. Either way, I’m not going to kill you until I repay you, so there’s no need to keep me in here anymore.”

“You promise you’re not going to jump out and eat my liver the moment I open the door?” You questioned him, getting off the ground as you spoke.

The other side of the door was quiet for a moment before the boy finally answered, “you have my word.”

Cautiously, you put one hand on the door handle and took the talisman within the other. With silent prayer to any otherworldly being that might be watching you and the gumiho from above, you snatched the talisman off of the door and braced yourself for the unforgiving claws of the nine tailed fox you had trapped in your bathroom.

Though all you were greeted by was the grateful smile of the boy you had rescued, a hint of mischief sparkling in his ever changing amber eyes before settling to a deep dark brown to blend in with the mortals of your world. “That wasn’t that hard was it? Now if you excuse me—“

Before you even had the chance to retaliate, the boy darted between you and the door like a quick breeze in the air. He was much faster than you had anticipated, though it should have been expected from a creature such as a nine tailed fox. “Wait, where are you going? I had questions to ask!”

The boy stopped in his tracks, struggling to comprehend where the exit to your home was. He may have been in your house, but the most he had seen was your living room and bathroom. He cursed under his breath for finding himself trapped in an unfamiliar surroundings once again. You watched as the gumiho let out a deep sigh of frustration, turning around to face you with an annoyed yet sweet smile on his face. “Of course… the questions. How could I forget! Tell me, what is it that a human wants to know about gumihos?”

You held up the talisman as a warning sign, not knowing if it still had any useful power to it but it was definitely enough to get the nine tailed fox on his best behavior. “First off, who are you? Or more like… what’s your name? And why were you bleeding to death in rain when I found you?”

“Asking for a lot already, aren’t you?” He mumbled, snorting to himself as he threw himself onto your small couch. “My name is Sunwoo and as you know I am a nine tailed fox. As to why I was bleeding in that alleyway… I was attacked, like I told you before.”

“Okay, Sunwoo, I get that you were attacked but why?” You continued to pester, your curiosity of the gumiho’s situation overtaking your thoughts. The more he tried to hide what was going on, the more curious you became. Though you shouldn’t get close thanks to Juyeon, who knew what he’d do to you if you got closer. “A small argument doesn’t just lead into nearly murdering a person! Or well… fox.”

“My apologies…” he trailed off, looking to you for information.

“Y/N,” you answered him, “it’s Y/N.”

“My apologies, Y/N, but that sort of information is classified,” Sunwoo shrugged, flinching slightly as you threatened him with the talisman, “I just don’t think you’d want to involve yourself in gumiho business. It’s not something a human should be sticking their nose into either way.”

You roll your eyes at his excuse, pointing to yourself as you exclaimed, “have you already forgotten? I am your savior and you’re in debt to me! I should at least know why the victim was keeping attacked in the first place don’t you think? Just think of it as… you repaying your debt to me now.”

“That’s not how that works.” The boy explained, slightly cringing at your actions as he watched you place yourself upon a pedestal to ring information out of him. “I’m in debt to you, yeah, but it means I quite literally owe my life to you. You saved my life, now under whatever circumstances that might occur, I will save yours.”

“Tell me why happened, Sunwoo,” you urged, a little more aggressively this time.

“I stole a fox bead from another gumiho.” He admitted, crossing his arms as he leaned back into the couch. You could almost feel Sunwoo’s hair on his skin rise as he recalled the events prior, trying to decide what he wanted to say and what he’d keep from you. “They had found me and attacked in an attempt to get it back and as a result, left me there to die when they thought they had retrieved it. Luckily for me, they took a fake instead.”

“Fox bead?” You questioned, trying to wrack your head around in an attempt to remember if you had heard of such a thing before. Though you’re not sure if your mythology class had gotten far enough into your gumiho lesson to cover it. “What is that, fox beads?”

“It’s a bead for foxes, everyone has one,” Sunwoo teased, though quickly adding the actual explanation before you could threaten him again, “it’s a bead that provides most of the power and future knowledge that a gumiho could ever ask for, making them one of the most popular beings alive. The only way to obtain this amount, though, is by absorbing the energy of a human.”

“By kissing them?” You questioned, and Sunwoo nodded his head in reply. “My god, I can’t believe he was actually right…” you realized, recalling the information that Juyeon had given you. Nine tailed foxes feed off of a human’s existence, but who would have known they gain more power as a result of taking an innocent human’s life.

Instinctively, you cover your mouth as defense against Sunwoo, not completely trusting the gumiho as he laughed at you. “Have you already forgotten, Y/N? You’re my savior, I owe my life to you. I can’t harm you until that debt has been paid off.”

“Why would you steal a fox bead if every gumiho has one? Just go fill up your own bead you… sicko…” you glare, the vivid image of the gumiho in front of you snatching the life out of humans prevalent in your mind.

“I stole it because the gumiho who had this specific one had almost filled it all.” Sunwoo explained, he held his hand out for you to see as a flash of light sparked in his palms, an object beginning to form within his grasp as his eyes turned the same amber yellow as before. You watched as a glowing bead appeared in his hands, the same color as his foxish eyes and making a light jingle sound every time it moved.

“This is…,” you mumbled, mesmerized by such a beautiful crystal being presented to you.

“The fox bead, the nearly completed fox bead.” Sunwoo nodded. “There hasn’t been a fox bead of this variety in many, many millennia. If the gumiho I stole this from gets his hands on this again and gives it the last bit of human energy it needs? All hell will break loose. That’s what I stole it, or was instructed to steal it. A fox bead of this strength cannot be destroyed by just any gumiho, but by a—”

“Shut up for a second,” you interrupted him, putting the talisman down as inching closer to the fox bead. As the object moved around in Sunwoo hands, the jingling continued to get louder and louder in your head. It got to the point where it finally clicked in your head as to why you were drawn to fox bead in the first place. “I’ve heard this before, the ringing… jingling sound it makes.”

“The fox bead?” Sunwoo questioned, his eyes shooting up to yours at an alarming speed. When you nodded your head his amber yellow eyes snapped back to the natural dark browns and the fox bead disappeared from his hands. “What do you mean you heard the fox bead?”

“Before I found you, I heard jingling. Like… bells or wind chimes or something like that. I followed it because I was curious and it led me straight to you.” You explained yourself, recalling the events rather easily. “And it happened again earlier today when I was on the phone with my friend. It led me outside of my room which brought me straight to where you were. I guess what I was hearing all along was the fox bead.”

“Y/N…” he mumbled, struggling to father his thoughts as he spoke. “Y/N, the fox bead doesn’t make any noise. Or at least, humans cannot hear the jingling of a fox bead unless they are the gumiho’s next target. And we already know it couldn’t have been me because I’m in debt to you.”

You thought to yourself for a moment before replying, “are you saying that the gumiho you stole from… he was planning on using my energy to complete his fox bead?”

II.

“Okay, I understand this is a serious situation, but is all of this really necessary?” You turned your wary gaze toward Sunwoo, fidgeting with the sleeves of your jacket as you watched the boy wander not too far behind you.

Despite your cautious tone, the gumiho was a lot more relaxed than you were. Dressed brand new clothes you had bought specifically for him the day before, Sunwoo took in his surroundings with his keen dark eyes in search of the gumiho that was targeting you. “Of course it’s necessary. If I leave you to your own devices, the gumiho targeting you may try to strike and you will be gone before anyone finds out what happened… if they find out what happened that is.”

You shouldn’t be feeling this anxious about everything. After all you are on your turf, the college campus, and you have a mythical nine tailed fox following your move. You're more safe here than you could be anywhere else. Maybe it’s the fact that you can’t believe any of this is actually happening, it feels like you're in some sort of twisted fairytale than reality if you had to be honest.

Seriously, nine tailed foxes? Fox beads? Being the final victim for the beast? None of that is believable if you were simply hearing it but here you are experiencing it all.

“Well, at least don’t stick around so close,” you scold him, shooing him as far away as you could. “What if I come into contact with the nine tailed fox, and he sees you? He thinks you’re dead after all!”

“Actually...” Sunwoo trailed off, trying to word his next sentence as gently as possible. “Not exactly…? I mean… maybe like a day or two ago he would have believed I’m dead but—”

You stop in your tracks immediately, spinning on your heel to face the gumiho with a furious glint in your eyes, “—What do you mean ‘but’, Sunwoo?”

“It doesn’t take long for a gumiho to realize when they have a fox bead that’s not theirs,” he explained leaning up against the wall and fiddling with his hair as he spoke. “It’s an innate ability we all have, the one that the gumiho took was mine and that thing is completely empty. It was enough to give me time to get out of the city but then…”

“I found you and we figured out that the nine tailed fox was coming for me.” You finished off, wanting to curse yourself for ever stopping for the boy in the first place. You almost wish you didn’t get yourself involved with the nine tailed foxes, almost. “What's the point in doing all of this then?”

“It’s so I can find out where exactly the gumiho is hiding and keep him from you,” Sunwoo grinned, “and then stall him just enough so that I take his fox bead and destroy it.”

You stared at him for a few moments more before letting out an intensely deep sigh. For some reason, the plan that Sunwoo had created didn’t seem very fool proof. But what could you do? After all, you were the human and he was the gumiho. He knew a lot more about nine tailed foxes then you could ever imagine. He, unfortunately, held your life in the palm of his hands.

“Well you can’t stay beside me all of time,” you hissed, finally approaching the room that held your mythology class. “I don’t think I really want to explain to my class how I found and saved a nine tailed fox right after we started the course for your mythos.”

“You can let me in, it’s fine!” He grinned, trying to weasel his way past you and into the class before you could catch him. “I want to know what humans learn about gumihos! You know, give them a few pointers and let them know what’s true and what’s not true.”

“Sunwoo, no!” You snapped, your hands wrapping around his shirt collar and pulling him back as hard as you could. He lurched backward and nearly tumbled to the ground, shocked by your sudden burst of strength. “Are you really trying to keep me safe or are you in cahoots with the other nine tailed fox, him?”

The boy frowned at your accusations, forcing himself back into his feet as he opened his mouth, “Y/N—“

“Y/N!” You turned your head with neck breaking speed to see Juyeon approaching you from down the hall, his gleeful and generous smile beaming down on you once he got your attention. In a panic you turned back to Sunwoo, wanting to give your last attempt at shooing him away before realizing he had disappeared within an instant. The last hint of the gumiho’s mere existence was the faint jingle of the fox bead he had stolen echoing in your ears, so at least you knew he was still around.

You spun on your heels to face Juyeon as relaxed as possible, anxiously fumbling with your hands as he stopped in front of you. “You’re rather early aren’t you? Who were you talking to?”

“I was on the phone,” you quickly responded, your mind running miles as you tried your best to give him an excuse, “with Kevin! He was just checking up on me after the whole… spirits in my house fiasco.”

“Oh, I remember you coming to me about that,” he nodded, nervously adjusting the bag slung over his shoulder. “Are you okay actually? You never gave me an update on the sounds you were hearing and it… worried me, I guess.”

You slowly begin to smile at Juyeon’s kindness, jokingly punching him in the shoulder as you said, “aw, how sweet! Checking up on your good ol’ school friend, huh?”

“School friend…,” he trailed off, hesitating for a moment before smiling at you with the tips of his ears burning a slight shade of red. “Of course I’m worried about my school buddy! Mythology isn't fun without you there with me after all.”

You pat his back in reassurance, “don’t worry, everything is fine for the most part. Though…,” you stopped, wondering how you could discreetly mention Sunwoo’s existence and his warning of you being hunted by a nine tailed fox to the boy. Did you need to tell him actually? None of that was actually of Juyeon’s concern. But… he did say he was worried about you.

“If I needed to go somewhere… somewhere away from my home…,” the jingling from the past few days echoed in your ears as you spoke to him. The fox bead, Sunwoo, was nearby again. You should finish this conversation as quickly as you could. “Would you open your dorm to me? Just for like a day or so! I wouldn’t overstay—“

“Of course!” He blurted, his eyes wide with glee but quickly glistening over with embarrassment. Juyeon cleared his throat as he tried to continue the conversation as normal as he possibly could. “I mean— uh— I’d be happy to, don’t worry. I’d have to clean up a lot and move Hyunjae out so he won’t bother you so just… make sure to give me a heads up, okay?”

You blinked once, then twice, then once more just in case you were seeing what you were seeing. After a few moments of awkward silence after the boy’s rambling, you grinned at him. “Why didn't you question me for not asking Kevin first?”

“I…,” Juyeon struggled to reply, his face flushing as he realized what he had done. “You’re my school friend, Y/N! I’m going to help you when I can, of course. What type of friend would I be if I didn’t?”

You couldn’t tell if the awkward silence between the two of you was because of Juyeon’s terrible lie or the fact that both of you were still astonished by what came out of his mouth. Though you didn’t have time to ponder on it any longer when the fox bead jingled in your ears again and the boy finally piped up, “I’m gonna go ahead and head inside now. See you, Y/N, in like… three minutes or something, I don’t know—“

“—I’m gonna make a call back to Kevin first,” you added on, finally gaining control over your body again as you pulled out your phone and gestured to it. “I’ll see you in a bit.”

He nodded a few more times than needed before skipping into the mythology class, not even daring to look back at you as he disappeared within the class. You couldn’t tell whether Juyeon’s genuinely just being his normal kind self to you or if his actions were motivated by something deeper, you honestly didn’t want to find out at the moment. Not when there was a gumiho out for your head at the moment.

“Alright, Sunwoo, you can come out now—“ your breath hitched as you felt a hand tug aggressively at your wrist, practically snatching you away from the doors to your mythology classroom and into a more secluded hallway.

When you looked up Sunwoo loomed over you, his dark eyes turning into its mystic amber yellow and his nails digging into your skin as his grip grew tighter and tighter. “Are you crazy?” He questioned, though the jingle of the fox bead he had stolen nearly drowned out his voice. “Why were you talking to him?”

“Juyeon?” You question, yanking your arm away from him and taking a giant step away from him. “He’s… he’s my friend, why would I not talk to him? I’ve been taking this class with him since the semester started. He’s a good guy, don’t worry about him.”

“He’s not some good guy, Y/N,” Sunwoo warned, holding out his fist for you to see. Curiously you watched as the fox bead began to form in the palm of his hand, gleaming a much brighter light and practically pulsing with the energy of humans trapped within it. For something so morbid, you sure found it beautiful. “Juyeon is a gumiho, why are you trusting him?”

“Huh?” You respond, unsure of whether or not you had actually heard him correctly. “I’m sorry, repeat that one more time for me.”

“Lee Juyeon,” Sunwoo answered, reciting his full name without you even needing to tell him, “is a gumiho, the very gumiho I stole this fox bead from. Juyeon is targeting you.”

III.

“Y/N!” Sunwoo yelled, banging his fist against the bathroom door like he had been doing for the past couple of days. He was in time out for telling such a ridiculous lie and assuming you’d believe him right off of the bat just because he was a mythical creature. “Y/N, why are you being like this? Can you at least talk to me again.”

You didn’t respond as you laid face first on your couch, struggling to block out the gumiho’s voice from your head. Did he really think you’d believe that Juyeon, the boy you’ve known for nearly the entire semester, was a gumiho? Nine tailed foxes may be master manipulators, but there were some lies that were outrageous enough for even the most simpleminded folk to see past.

“Y/N, you can’t keep me in here forever! Juyeon will come after you when least expect it and—“

“Shut up!” You finally snapped, grabbing a hold of one of the cheap decorative pillows laid across your couch and throwing it as hard as you physically could at the bathroom door. Though the pillow only made it halfway across the room before crashing to the ground without a sound, leaving your sigh of frustration to fill the gap left by the silence.

“I just… I don’t understand. You humans make no sense at all! Why is it so hard to accept the fact that Juyeon is a gumiho?” Sunwoo complained, forcing you to get off the couch and march your way toward the bathroom door. “You wanted to figure out why you heard the fox bead make noise and now you have your answer, Juyeon has been targeting you this entire time! Why are you defending him so hard—“

You snatched the talisman off the door and swung the door open with the ferocity of a tiger, taking the nine tailed fox off guard and watching him stare up at you with a wide eyed and frazzled expression. “Maybe I’m defending him so hard because I’ve been him much longer than I’ve known you! Juyeon has been nothing but… but sweet and kind to me all semester, he’s been looking out for me for who knows how long, and you just want me to believe that he’s out to take my life?”

Sunwoo blinked at your words before vigorously nodding his head, “yes, of course!”

An angry growl of frustration escaped your mouth, getting ready to slap the talisman back on the door and lock the nine tailed fox back inside. “Aren’t gumihos literally trickster spirits? I can’t believe I’ve believed everything that’s come out of your mouth so far. Who knows how many times you’ve already lied to me? Next thing I know you’re going to try and eat my livers when I least expect it!”

However the boy was much more sly and quicker than you could have ever been, so he easily slipped out of the way before you could do so, “I thought I already explained I’m not going to kill you? I physically cannot do so. I have an honor code to follow, genius!”

“How do I know that’s not a lie too, hm?” You questioned, crossing your arms like a child as you walked away from him. “You have no proof of this… this nine tailed fox honor code. How should I trust the words that come out your mouth, hm?”

Sunwoo frowned, the corners of his mouth going as low as they possibly could. “Do you like him or something? Suddenly all the trust we’ve built up has crumbled into nothingness, it’s really getting on my nerves.”

“I do not like Juyeon, he’s just a really good friend!” You shouted, retaliating sharply to the nine tailed fox. The boy nodded his head slowly, clearly not believing your words and rolling his eyes not long after. “But the stuff you’re saying? Unbelievable, this entire situation is unbelievable as is!”

“How do I make you believe what I say, without you accusing me of being a ‘master manipulator’?” Sunwoo mocked, though genuinely trying to find a solution to your disagreement. “I could tell you that I can’t lie to save my life, but you’d think that’s me trying to manipulate you or something again. You know, not all gumihos are good at lying! Some of us are—“

“Prove it,” you demanded, gesturing around your living room as you waited for him to respond. “Prove that you’re not going to harm me and prove that Juyeon is actually a nine tailed fox. I need cold hard facts and visual evidence before I can go on and trust you with my life again.”

“Y/N,” Sunwoo whined, trying to get you to let him off the hook just this one time. Yet you shook your head, sat down on the couch, and simply waited for him to somehow prove he wasn’t just being the stereotypical nine tailed fox she had been learning.

“Go on,” you urged him, “I’m waiting.”

The gumiho looked around in a frenzy, unsure of what exactly he could do to win your trust. You sat and watched him struggle, trying to wrack your own brain around why you had trusted Sunwoo so easily. Was it because you found him while he was injured and dying? But you should never trust strangers in the street anyway, whether they were at death’s door or not!

Maybe it was that cursed fox bead, it’s soft ring echoing in your ears and clouding your judgement each time you needed to make a decision. Were you even sure that the fox bead wasn’t actually his? He could have been lying about that whole situation too…

“I got it!” Sunwoo exclaimed, catching you off guard and shaking you from your thoughts. You look up to see the boy holding his hands out in front of him, his eyes beginning to shift into that familiar amber yellow and an object forming in his hands.

“Hey! No gumiho powers can be used!” You yelled, leaping up from your seat to stop him. Though the gumiho only stepped out of the way, raising his hands straight up so that you couldn’t reach him. “How do I know that it doesn’t amplify your ability to manipulate or not?”

“This can’t be done without the power of a gumiho in the first place,” he hissed, lowering his hands once the stolen fox bead finally materialized in his hands. “Do you want me to prove that I can’t harm you or what?”

You hesitate for a moment and a large smile begins to grow across Sunwoo’s face. “Then this is the only way I can prove it to you. I’ve told you once before that the fox bead is used to absorb human energy, so I’m going to use it on you to show that I genuinely cannot hurt you.”

“Use the fox bead on me…?” You repeat, letting his words slowly process before Juyeon’s words begin to blare through your head. “Wait… doesn’t that require like… kissing me? No, absolutely not! What if this is just a plow to kill me or something?”

“Y/N,” Sunwoo held the fox bead in his hands, it’s glow shining through the crevices of his hands as he spoke, “do you trust me?”

“No!” You quickly replied, “no, I do not!”

“Perfect, that’s the whole point of us doing this then!” He grinned, opening his mouth and dropping the fox bead in like a piece of candy. “It’ll be like two seconds, don’t worry! Well, it’ll feel like two seconds depending on whether or not the fox bead actually absorbs your energy...”

“Sunwoo!” You snap, finding yourself trapped behind the couch and the nine tailed fox in front of you. He took two enthusiastic steps forward before you put your hands in front of you, pushing him to arms length as you quickly spilled, “are you sure this is the way we have to do this? Can you figure out any other way?”

“No I can’t,” Sunwoo hissed between clenched teeth, urging you to put your hands down. “Can we please get this over with so that we can move on to other things? This will take like two seconds.”

“Ugh, fine!” You finally comply, tapping your lips and growling out, “let’s just… get this over with, if you end up actually killing me with this I will haunt you in the afterlife!”

The gumiho leaned in close, his hands hovering over your shoulders and his breath fanning across your face while the sparkle of the fox bead glistening in the corner of your eye. It gleamed in between the roof of his mouth and tongue before you no longer could catch sight of its glow, Sunwoo’s lips pressed fully onto yours without warning of his sudden roughness.

You yelp at his actions but it was entirely eaten up by the gumiho pressing his hands into you, engulfing the fleeting moment as quickly as he could. Somehow you found the strength to separate yourself from him, taking a moment to inhale just once and let out a “Sunwoo—“ before the boy dove right back in again.

He moved from your shoulders to cup your face in his hands while his weight pushed the both of you onto the couch below. You were practically drowning in the gumiho’s desires, too engrossed in Sunwoo’s kiss to notice the fox bead rolling out of his mouth into yours. Though the boy pulled back suddenly, breaking kiss and leaving the two of you breathless and in silence. If you didn’t have the willpower to hold yourself back, you probably would have pulled him back in again… how embarrassing.

His amber yellow eyes twinkled for a moment before shifting back into its illusion of a dark brown and he finally spoke to break the stillness of your home, “look to the sky, look to the land, and then look the people,” Sunwoo explained, having deep breaths after each sentence, “then swallow the fox bead.”

You didn’t get a chance to reply before the gumiho kissed you again, filling you up with the same adrenaline from not even a few seconds ago then retaking the fox bead from your mouth. You blinked a few times to bring yourself back to reality, wanting to ground yourself before speaking another word out your mouth, “why?”

“That’s how you defend yourself against a gumiho and destroy the fox bead all together.” Sunwoo responded, rising off of the couch and taking a few steps away from you. “The only reason you didn’t feel your energy being drained was because that wasn’t my fox bead and I am obligated to protect you, not harm you. You just need to know in case Juyeon takes his back and comes for you.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me instead of—,” you cut yourself off, covering your mouth with your hands and hoping desperately that Sunwoo didn’t catch the intense burning of your ears or beating of your heart, “instead of… showing... me...”

Sunwoo grinned, a grin so eerily similar to a real fox that you almost scoffed. “Because you thought I was manipulating you and wanted me to prove my innocence. Oh and don’t worry about me proving Juyeon is a gumiho, I’ve got something planned that will help.”

He stopped talking for a moment, licking his lips as you finally found the strength to sit upright on the couch and turned his piercing dark eyes toward you. “Of all the things, I didn’t expect you to taste like strawberries? How… interesting.”

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rogue-durin-16 · 3 years

Text

THINGS NEVER GO AS PLANNED (Part II/VII)

"candy floss"

Summary: After Fred's death, George and Y/n lean on each other to carry on. This wasn't the most brilliant idea, though; George was pretty much in love with the girl, and Y/n— well, she had been dating Fred prior to the Battle of Hogwarts.

Pairing: George Weasley x Reader

Genre: angst

Tags:

Suggested by: @crispykittywitch

Things never go as planned: @sarcasticallywitty15 @beautyschoo1dropout @s1ut4georgeweasley @leovaldez37 @missmulti @weasleywh0r3s

Permanent taglist: @elia-the-bibliophile @randomparanoid @karlthecat15722 @thebutchersdaughtersblog

Warnings: grief, feels, brief mention of Fred x Reader ig?

A/N: I decided to name the parts bc why the fuck not so keep an eye on the titles 👀. This story is based off this convo and these headcanons. If you wanna be tagged in the next parts tell me, and enjoy <3

Prologue :the aftermath

Part I : sleepless nights

Part III: shock therapy

Part IV: wrong name

Part V: the perfect excuse

Part VI: the downfall

Part VII: apart

Epilogue: I still love you

Rogue-durin-16 masterlist

The moment the last group of customers decided it was time to call it a day and exited the shop, I left the till counter and grabbed my wand from my pocket, instantly turning the sign in the door so it could be read from outside 'closed'.

A sigh escaped my lips as I leaned against the multicolored wooden rail.

I was drained.

The shop helped our minds to get distracted and stray from the grief, yes, but it was also exhausting.

We had been subconsciously overworking ourselves to the point where it was borderline self-destructive.

It didn't help that I was throwing myself into comforting George, either. I could not be blamed for doing that, though; he was broken.

A part of me, the rational one, knew he would pick up the pieces and build himself up again, it would just take a lot of time.

There was another part of me, though, that depressed, drained part, that was beginning to think he would never heal by himself —maybe he wouldn't heal at all— but still held onto the hope that, if I tried hard enough, I would be able to mend what had been broken in him.

A terrible idea, really, because I started to dismiss in its entirety my own miserable, damaged state.

And George, ever the caring, sensible one, would have noticed that; he would have made me realize I was not doing nearly as well as I thought, he would have talked some sense into me, but he wouldn't— he couldn't, because George was lost in an ocean of grief, trying so hard not to drown that he wasn't able to notice I was trying to aid him from my very own sinking boat.

It also seemed to be working; he was more animated, slept more soundly, and his smile was a bit brighter even —at least the one he had for me.

"Rough day?" My eyes, which I didn't know I had closed, fluttered open at George's voice.

"Very."

He walked to me with a tinge of guilt in his face. "You know we can switch places, right?" I had been working as the public face of the shop since we had reopened, and George had taken on the task of doing the paperwork and shippings instead, showing up from time to time to help me and to let people know there was still a Weasley running the business.

I had been the one to suggest this, since I knew George had compromised with reopening only because of me, and he was clearly not ready to put up a sociable, positive attitude for dozens of people every day.

"Nah, it's fine like this." I assured him with a reassuring smile.

He measured me with his eyes for a second; I couldn't really tell if he saw through me or not. "So I was preparing the today's shippings," he rocked a tiny purple basket I quickly recognised in front of me. "I found this in the back of the stockroom."

"Are those—?"

"Candy floss cupcakes, yes." A year and a half ago we had bought five baskets of candy floss cupcakes from Honeydukes per George's request in order to unsuccessfully try and implement them.

"Are they even edible anymore?" I couldn't help but laugh.

"I hope so?" He chuckled too, tearing the film covering the sweets. "Thought we might as well finish them."

My eyes travelled from the basket to him and viceversa before stating, "well I'm hungry so..."

"Same here." He was the first one to pull out a pastel colored cupcake, though he handed it to me. "Wanna get food poisoning together?" Laughing, I gave him a nod as he grabbed his own cupcake. "At the count of three?"

"One"

"Two"

"Three." We said in unison right before taking a bite of our respective madeleines.

I frowned at its surprisingly good flavour. "Am I delirious or are they actually edible?"

"Dunno," he shoved the rest of his cupcake into his mouth with a shrug. "maybe we're just starving."

"Go big or go home, I guess." I finished my cupcake before leaning on the basket to pick another one. My head snapped up with my brow quirked when I heard a soft chuckle. "What?"

"Nothing." George shook his head, motioning at the stairs. "Shall we sit down?" I followed his lead, sitting on the stairs and waiting for him, who had stepped towards the drinks aisle to grab a couple of juice bottles, to do the same.

We stayed there, eating and drinking in a comfortable silence until the basket was empty and our eyelids threatened to shut.

"I think we should head back to the flat." He spoke, leaving the half empty juice aside so he could stretch.

"I'm gonna learn how to cook." I stated, getting up. "We can't get by based on most likely expired sweets and whatever is in the Leaky Cauldron menu."

"Aight." He mimicked my actions, picking up the stuff we left on the stairs. "We will learn the basics tomorrow." He got behind me and began to gently push in the flat's direction. "But now we're gonna get some sleep, miss."

I would be lying if I said my heartbeat didn't pick up when his hands landed on my shoulder blades and made their way to rub both my arms reassuringly.

I would be lying if I denied I leaned back when he did that, letting myself get closer to his chest.

And I would definitely be lying if I said I didn't crave going back to my room so I could cuddle him all night.

One Week Later

"—right in the cauldron, love." I pointed at the cauldron besides me, giving a sweet smile to the kid in front of me, visibly going to be sick thanks to the free sample of Skiving Snackboxes.

"Y/n!" I spun around at the loud calling of my name above the shop's racket. I was able to discern a long, red mane flowing fast towards my position right on time for the owner to wrap her arms around me.

"Glad to see you too, Ginny." I laughed, trying not to lose balance due to her enthusiasm. "How come you're here?" I questioned, pulling away.

"We heard you were open." Harry walked up to me, appearing from behind the girl, "And thought we'd pay a visit to our friends, right?" Ginny nodded, looking around while Harry gave me a quick, yet comforting hug. "Where's George?"

I motioned up to the small office, redirecting the couple's eyes to the second floor. "Doing paperwork—AH!" I jolted when a pair of hands tickled my sides, my head snapping to see the towering ginger standing behind me. "Speaking of the devil."

"I thought I saw Gin through the window," George explained, his hands lingering on my waist for long enough to his sister to stare, before pulling Ginny into a tight hug. "And came down to check if she was distracting my employee."

"You got her all bored here, mate." Harry pointed out, a light joking tone in his voice.

"And you're the one supposed to help with that?" George rolled his eyes dramatically. "Pfft... What a world we live in." With the said, he gave the boy a side hug. I heard Harry murmur an 'We missed you' before they pulled away with a pat on the shoulder.

My gaze landed on the youngest Weasley, whose welled up eyes were trained on her older brother's half smile. I only averted my eyes and waited for her to discreetly wipe away the unspilled tears while Harry and George catched up.

By the letters she had sent me, I reckoned the last time she had been near George, he had been lifeless; seeing a glimpse of who was once one of the most cheerful, funny and charismatic people in her life, was probably poignant to Ginny.

I hadn't realized she had moved closer until I didn't hear her soft voice. "Thank you." I offered her a confused smile, though deep down I knew what she meant.

Two Days Later

George was having one of those days.

We both knew it was coming soon; it had to happen sooner rather than later, since he had been in a surprisingly good mood for almost a week. I suspected seeing Harry and Ginny had brought back the events of the Second of May.

I suggested to close the shop for the day, since he was unable to move out of bed; he refused to do so, but I convinced him to stay in the flat and rest —it was Tuesday, anyway; I wouldn't have to handle many customers.

Due to that, when I saw Hermione, Ron, Bill and Fleur entered the shop, it was understandable that I hadn't become the happiest person in the world.

I greeted them, there were hugs, kisses, and even a joke or two, and when Bill asked about George, I excused him without giving much detail.

They understood.

Fleur was the one to restart the conversation, lightening a bit before requesting a tour for the shop, since she had not yet been there.

It was when we reached the love potions that Hermione, using the fact that Fleur was very much interested in the product, held my hand and pulled me aside.

"So... how are you doing?" The frown in her face, the fact that she was whispering, the squeeze her hand gave mine, let me know she had read me the moment her eyes met mines.

I sighed with a shrug.

"You can tell me." Could I? "No one's asking you to put on a happy face, Y/n." The girl assured me, her eyes digging into mines. "It's not just George, we all lost—" she shook her head at her own words before correcting herself. "you lost him too."

I lost him too.

I bit my lower lip to stop it from quivering.

The memory of Fred's broken smile as his corpse laid on the stretcher, that memory that haunted my dreams, appeared vividly before my eyes.

My lips started to burn with the ghost of that kiss he gave me before we split up, him with Percy and me with George; it hadn't been meant to be a goodbye kiss. It was meant to be a good luck kiss.

I covered my mouth to muffle a sob, and Hermione's arms were quick to be wrapped around me, reassuringly rubbing my back.

GEORGE'S P. O. V.

I saw them entering from Y/n's balcony; I wasn't emotionally ready to face them all at the same time, but when I didn't see them exit, I figured Y/n hadn't been able to dismiss them.

I decided I owed to them all to bite the bullet, so I threw on a shirt and the first trousers I grabbed, cleaned up a bit and left the flat.

With a deep breath, I made it to the second floor and mentally prepared myself to go down to the first one.

As I began to climb down, though, I noticed Hermione and Y/n talking in private, closer than the others to the stairs.

I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but all my senses were automatically focused on Y/n whenever we were in the same room; she just stole me away from reality.

"You lost him too."

Hermione's words visibly triggered something on Y/n.

'Something', as if I didn't know what they had triggered, as if I didn't know what— who was on her mind.

I guess he was always on her mind, though.

What was left of my heart shattered in a million pieces when she broke down to tears —for several reasons—. "I miss him." She whispered in Hermione's shoulder. "I miss him so much."

If I had any tears left, I would have cried my eyes out right there. Had I been so selfish that I had disregarded how she was feeling? So blinded by the light and love and warmth she was constantly giving me that I had forgotten about her grief? Was I that bad of a person, that I would have rather live in the illusion that she had not lost the boy she was dating?

My mind told me I didn't want any of those questions answered.

"George!" As Ron yelled my name in surprise, Hermione and Y/n pulled away, the latter rubbing her eyes while both of my brothers jogged upstairs to hug me. "Ginny told us you're open—"

"But Y/n said you weren't feeling well." Bill finished, squeezing my shoulder. "We only stayed a little longer for Fleur to see the shop."

"Yeah, we'll come back tomorrow," Ron assured me. "So you can rest and..."

My brother's voice sounded further and further with each word; I felt myself drifting off, getting lost in my own mind and gravitating towards the same thought over and over.

She deserves better.

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my-reality-my-rules · 3 years

Note

hey! i haven't shifted yet but ive been acting like i know i will because ive read that when you do that ur basically manifesting and kinda putting urself there already. (whats ur opinion on that?) anyways I was wondering if once ive shifted once, does it become much easier to shift again? is it a practice makes perfect situation until you can do it on command or is it gonna be this hard everytime DX thank you sm!! <3

[thanks for this ask!]

yes!!! keep that attitude up, but remember to take breaks sometimes! i wholeheartedly agree with that idea, considering it's all about the mindset you have. it's alright to have fears, but you shouldn't let them stop you from believing.

as for your question, i can't speak for others, but it has for me. when i first actually shifted, i hadn't thought much about it. all i knew was that i simply wanted to—and it happened. it was also brief, but it affirmed that i was getting closer to my intended goals. and that feeling of accomplishment was what made it easier for me; the more of it you attain, the better you feel about yourself. the higher you are in the clouds, the more you'd feel invincible, in a way. i mean—of course, there'd come those times where you'd experience a low, where the high of the moment has finally worn off. but it's the fact that it happened at all that makes it worth it.

all other attempts after my first actual shifting session gradually became easier. it had been slow-going, in all honesty. I'm an impatient person, so more often than not i tried to rush it, justifying it by saying 'Fuck you universe, it's my time to shine, step aside you multifaceted whore,'. did that line of thinking work? well, eventually. though it probably wouldn't work every time, the fact remains that it did, and thinking about that gave me a little hope to cling onto.

there are a lot of people saying that you're shifting all the time, that it gets easier over the course of your journey, that you don't need much to simply be and shift. objectively, it's true—it really just depends on the outlook and the actions taken. subjectively, it's another matter entirely. the darker side to it is that it's not going to seem like that to the ones who have trouble shifting, especially to those who haven't even done it yet. it's incredibly difficult and frustrating to watch other people make it sound so effortless, to see them living out something so simple and yet so fucking intricate.

one of the things I've found out about this is because of, well, plain jealousy. I'd gotten so used to being compared to other people, both by myself and my family, that my mind just immediately measures the worth and validity of my experience compared to the ones i see or read about. it took me the better part of 2 months to come to terms with my envy. i had to learn how to accept myself and my journey for what it simply was, and let go of the things that held me back. it might not work for others, but I'm sharing this with you in the hopes that it could give you some insight.

in the end, again, the situation boils down to your mentality and the actions you take regarding it. if, for example, the doubt weighs heavily in your mind, and you do nothing but look at posts about it, then nothing's going to happen. you might see people try to give you the right motivation, but nothing's going to become an actuality unless you took the initiative to live it out. you can't learn your lessons in class by simply copying off a friend—you have to get up on your ass to really commit the topics to memory.

if you think it'll get easier, it will get easier. if not, then no. depending on your perspective, you'll make it or break it. whether you get it through practice or by mere command, it's the willpower that matters.

i hope this helps. happy shifting ❤️❤️

#shifting #shifting realities #reality shifting #desired reality #shift #Esther's shifting posts

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justice4harwin · 3 years

Text

Light's Corruption- Chapter IV

Pairing: The DarklingxAlina

Summary:With few friends at the Little Palace, Alina must work to win the favour of her fellow grisha and their commander, who makes her feel light headed every time she sees him.

After training in Os Alta for two years, the king grows tired of waiting and demands the Sun Summoner joins a western post near the Fjerdan border along with the rest of The Second Army to test her abilities.

Something happens. Suddenly, Alina wants blood to run down the rivers and those who stand in her and The Darkling’s way will be blinded by her light and swallowed by his shadows.

It won’t be pretty

Rating: 18+

Click here for chapter 3

Tags are in the comment section. If you dont wanna be there or wanna be added please let me know 😊

Anyways, I hope you like this one. I'm really excited over a particular scene 😏😏

Chapter 4: golden butterfly, black rose

Alina woke up with a new purpose: to observe and listen.

She hastily threw the blankets and sheets off of her and put on her kefta as she realized she might be late for breakfast.

Running down the stairs, hair a mess, the Sun Summoner smiled and greeted everyone on her path.

Some replied. Others just stared oddly.

She entered the hall to find that, as usual, Marie and Nadia had left a seat empty between them. Alina gingerly took it.

"Good morning!"

They gave her smiles as they reciprocated the greeting.

"You're in a good mood today." Nadia noticed, taking her spoon.

"I slept like a baby." she lied. She hadn't gotten that much sleep -Genya must've gotten even less- but she felt good that day.

Just the day before, she had been able to summon on her own for the first time, and she had to stay positive if she wanted to accomplish her new mission.

She engaged more in the chatter with the grisha women that day, venturing so far as to reply with questions of her own to get to know them better.

"I didn't know you had a brother, Nadia." she said, genuinely surprised as they made their way to Botkin's stables.

The woman nodded with a half-annoyed, half-endearing smile.

"He's grisha too. A few years younger, so he's still at school. His name's Adrik."

"Is he a Squaller too?"

Nadia confirmed that he was, because of course, the little rat had to copy everything about his older sister.

Alina laughed at that.

"The little girl seems very happy for someone who's about to get into a fight?" were the words with which Botkin received her.

Alina fought back the need to recoil. The only time she had won so far had been against Zoya, …if one could consider that a win given what happened right after.

"Maybe I'll be lucky today." she beamed at him.

Botkin seemed almost surprised.

"Positivity is fine, little girl, but you need to focus during a fight. But first." he clapped his hands twice, immediately getting all the attention. "Run around the lake. Twice. The last one to get back here will help the stable hands for the rest of the day."

Alina really ran like never before that day.

Her side hurt, and she almost felt like she wasn't getting enough air; but after the first half, her legs didn't burn so much anymore, and she felt almost as good as she did when walking.

"Damn, Starkov." she turned her head to see that Michail, a heartrender with a hard-shaped face and kind, green eyes, was easily keeping up with her. "When did you get this fast?"

"Practice." she said, a little breathless but feeling nice with the cold air slapping against her face. "Besides, I really don't wanna end up in the stables."

He laughed at that.

"That makes two of us. I hate those animals."

Alina frowned. She just didn't wanna clean up their shit, but other than that, she could find nothing wrong with horses.

"Why?"

"Those long faces," he said, gesturing over his own. "they're scary."

"You're scared of horses?!" she asked, disbelieving.

"Why don't you yell it a little louder?" he asked, looking around at the disperse group, but he was smirking. They weren't at the front, but they weren't slagging at the back either.

"Sorry." she leaned in. "I'll keep your secret if you help me not to be the last."

"I don't think you need my help," he laughed. "but sure."

She got knocked down on her ass by a short Inferni woman with dark blonde hair, but Alina laughed it off, hiding her embarrassment, and stretched out a hand. The Inferni rose an eyebrow and then helped her up.

"Thanks." she told her, dusting off the back of her kefta.

"For kicking your ass?"

"Hey, I think I did learn a thing or two." she winked. "Next time I'll be ready."

"Oh, so you want a rematch?" the woman asked, amused, as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"If you're up for it." Alina shrugged.

"Deal." they shook hands. "But it'll have to wait until we're done with him." she said, nodding towards Botkin, who was busy making rounds, watching the others. "I'm Natasha, by the way."

"Alina."

"Oh, I know. Everyone knows." she smiled once more before retreating to a small group of Inferni that had reunited by a corner.

As she passed by the lake in her usual route to Baghra's hut, Alina got startled by the damage she had done to the perfectly green grass. Gardeners were still at work getting rid of the black mass she had left in her path, going so far as to dig into the earth. They saw her passing and glanced up, some frightened, others definitely not amused.

"I am so sorry." she whispered frantically, before hurrying her steps.

"Don't let the heat out!" was all the greeting she got from the ancient woman.

Alina closed the door and hurried to the chair that awaited her. She was smiling.

"I don't think that will be a problem." she said, proud of herself.

She scoffed. "So I have heard. Show me." she said, hitting her in the arm with her cane.

"Ouch!"

With a nasty frown, Alina placed her palms in front of the others and called the light that she had rejected for so long. So eager to answer, her power rushed through and out of her, and she was almost puzzled by its intensity. She focused on keeping the orb small.

"Uh. Well, it took you long enough."

"A 'Congratulations' would be nice."

She got hit again. Her light wavered and then solidified again.

"Congratulations? What? Do you want a parade thrown in your honour as well? For what? Doing what you were supposed to do your entire life? Shut up and expand the orb. Make it encompass the entire place."

With deep breaths, both to concentrate and control her anger, Alina steadily expanded her light, making it fill the hut.

"Bend it to its shape."

Carefully, she tried to do as she was told.

"You were right, about being held back." she uttered as she tried to shape her light to blend in with the walls.

"I know." the woman said, petulant. "Now call it back and repeat until there is no effort to it."

Alina tried, and tried again, but as eager as her power was to explode, her body was eager for a long, long nap. There had been so much repression, so much denial for so many years, that it was as if the light wanted to just explode out of her body and consume it all.

It scared her a little, but she focused.

The Darkling had told her she was magnificent, Alina remembered, and he had made it sound like she was capable of anything.

The way his grey eyes shone with such intensity, like he wanted to engulf her into his arms and have her all to his own, the way in which his hand felt against hers, or how just even being next to him made her want to lean into and over him like a lazy, overly clingy cat.

She'd lay on top of him all day if she could.

Alina wondered what would've happened if Genya hadn't arrived at the moment she did. Would The Darkling had kissed her? What would his lips taste like? How would his beard feel against her skin? Just exactly how good was he with his tongue?

Alina blushed. The light flickered, as if excited at the mere idea of the man.

She had kissed a few people before, but him, there was something about him that told her that if he should kiss her only once, she'd spend the rest of her life running after the very same sensation and more.

"Dreaming about your dark prince again?"

She looked at Baghra.

"What?" looking around, she noticed that her light had expanded farther than the hut and she was glowing.

Alina snapped her hands, and everything was dark again. Her fingers tingled with power, her eyelids closed with exhaustion.

"I-I wasn't-" she blinked rapidly, trying to adjust to the new environment.

"Stupid, stupid girl. You need to focus on your task."

"I'd concentrate better if I wasn't being hit every five min-OUCH!"

"Do not make excuses with me. You are lazy, easily distracted, you do not know what you are getting yourse-"

"You know, for someone who's supposed to be such a great teacher, I've still got to see some actual teaching." Alina snapped. "All you do is yell at me, hit me and belittle me; yet one conversation with The General I can finally summon." the brunette spat, each word more angrier than the previous one. "So don't try to blame me for your shortcomings."

Baghra was silent, nostrils flaring. When it looked like she might raise her cane and hit Alina right in the head with it, she opened her thin lips instead:

"Out." she uttered, almost inaudible. "Out! And do not come back!"

"Gladly!"

Alina stood up and marched for the door, her steps almost as loud as the insults the old woman was throwing after her.

"Stupid girl! Unconscious! Just another pawn of his! You never learn! Lazy! Stupid! Blind!"

It was a good thing the old crone couldn't see the tears of frustration and shame in her eyes.

She was on her way back to the Little Palace, trying to decide if she should bathe or go to the library first.

Baghra’s words still rang in her head.

Maybe, if she was quick, really quick with her bath,...but then again, she was getting too used to such a luxury, that once in there it was quite difficult to leave unless the water turned cold.

But if she went to the library, she’d be there until the words blurred and her eyes burned.

On the other hand, there were other grisha in the library, and she couldn’t afford to walk in there smelling like-

"Alina?"

General Kirigan's smooth voice had her turning on her heels, hand still massaging the spot on her arm Baghra's cane had so harshly landed. She had managed to hold back the tears, but the woman's word still stung.

"Moi Soverennyi." She greeted but forgot to bow.

He looked at her arm.

"How was your lesson?"

"I spent months with her and nothing; five minutes with you and I can summon." She basically spat, still bitter at Baghra's harsh words. "I think that speaks for itself."

He smiled, almost.

"Give the old woman some credit. She is good at what she does."

"Terrorizing isn't teaching." she replied, and then, with her head high, added: "She didn't get me to summon."

"No." The Darkling agreed, taking a step towards her. All engulfed in his black cloak, he almost seemed to float. "You did it. It was all you." He said it with such reverence that her breath became shallow.

She didn't look away from his eyes. The storms swirling in there were magnetic. There was so much going on in there at the moment, yet it all sped up through those grey orbs so fast she couldn't make sense of it.

"Why don't you teach me?" The words slipped from her tongue before she could think better of it.

He rose an eyebrow, taking another predatory step towards her.

"I serve the King. I run an entire army. I do not have the time to train everyone personally, nor would I want anyone to think they are favoured above others."

He was so close to her now, she had to crane her neck to look up.

"You once said there was no one else like us; who could be a better teacher?"

In truth, she also wanted to see him more often. Glimpses as he passed through the Little Palace or left Os Alta, and the occasional conversation weren't enough for her.

"You flatter me, Miss Starkov."

"I only state my opinion." she took a step, shortening the distance, like he was a magnet calling for her.

Mirth shone in his eyes. It made her smile.

"I will be going away for a few weeks." At this, her smile fell, and his formed as he tilted her chin up with his gloved fingers.

Alina stared up into his eyes, dark with something.

"I'll miss you." She whispered, foolishly, without thought.

"Will you?" He asked, almost perplexed for a moment.

She found herself nodding.

"I know we don't get much chance to talk, but I like talking to you." She confessed, a knot in her throat. "You understand all,...this." she flickered her fingers and a tiny orb of light formed above her hand.

His eyes followed suit, almost fascinated, like he still couldn't quite believe her power was real. And when he looked at her, it was like he couldn't believe she was real.

His hand rose and shadows swallowed her light. Alina watched them dance, entranced by his power, and noticed it taking shape.

"For you." The Darkling said, handing her a black rose, from the base of its steam to the very last petal. "To remember me by while I am gone."

Disbelieving, she reached out and gasped as she touched the shadow. There was a little bit of gold in there, her own power hidden within, shimmering weakly here and there.

"I don't have anything to give you." She said, lamenting.

He leaned down, his beard rough against her soft cheek.

"Trust me, Alina," he whispered, her name on his lips against her ear making her tremble. "I could not forget you if I tried."

There was the whisper of a kiss against her cheek that seemed to linger for the longest moment, …and then he was leaving, cloak flipping behind him as he left the sun Summoner holding onto a small piece of shadow and a piece of her heart gone with him.

Click here for chapter Five

#shadow and bone #alina starkov #the Darkling #darklina #alina x aleksander #darkling x alina #fanfic #shadow and bone fanfic

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deliciously-yeeted · 3 years

Text

I was in desperate need of some beel fluff, so i wrote some. As one does. Uh, ive never done this,(posting fanfic, i normally jus write small things for myself tbh😅) before so please have mercy lol

I hope ya like it though, it put a smile on my face so im hoping it does the same for you♡

____________________________

You started filling the hem of your shirt with snacks, as many as you could fit in the scrunched up fabric that is, a tired but playful grin on your lips, as you thought over what you planned to do, mentally prepping yourself.

Normally, you're not so bold about seeking out comfort and such, feeling shy about showing vulnerability...but today, ugh, today had you particularly worn down. You needed something, affection preferably. You'd settle for a warm bath and some melatonin if you had to. Though, you really didnt want too.

You were tired of self soothing all the time. And Asmos care packages could only help so much. But you knew how to make it all magically better. There was only one option in times like these .

You worked quickly, excitement bouncing around in your gut, making your hands a little shaky.

Having grabbed all you could you carry, you practically dashed from the kitchen. Your mind set on finding a certain big demon. Last you heard, he was headed to his room for a bit. You hoped he was still there.

When you finally reached his bedroom door, you found yourself in a tad bit of a pickle. Your eyebrows furrowed, the realization that you wouldn't be able to open the door making you frown at the closed door briefly. You cursed yourself slightly, for not thinking that far ahead. You forgot in all your excitement.

Briefly you considered trying to use you feet before dropping the idea. Guess you've got no choice.

Dang it! You felt kinda bummed that you'd be losing the element of surprise, but the grin soon returned, thinking about seeing Beel always you happy, regardless of the circumstances.

"Beeeeellllllllllll!" You called out, letting a bit of a whine into your voice, hey, who knows? Maybe it'd get him in front of you faster?? He tended to be on the slower side of answering his door, sometimes he simply didnt hear it. Especially if he was working out or watching tv.

Apparently, whining his name did not speed him up:(

You were about to call out again, worried he hadn't heard you, when the door clicked open. The mere sound making you feel slightly giddy. Your eyes snapping up to meet his briefly. You soaked in as many details of him as you could, without just straight ogling him, before flicking your eyes back up to meet his.

"Y/n?" He seemed pleasantly surprised, dressed in a black tank top and grey sweats (you were happy to see him wearing them, because while he looked like a whole ass meal in them, it also meant he had no plans of leaving the house tonight).

His eyes were quick to find the odd lumps wrapped up in your shirt, as well as the bit of tummy peaking out. The position you held your shirt in had caused the bottom of your stomach to show, something you had worried about on the way here, anxious about a different brother catching a glimpse of you. You could feel his stare burn against your skin, he was about to say something, but then his nose twitched, and his eyes fixed on your bundle of snacks instead.

Not that you minded his staring your stomach, not with Beel.

The others...maybe.

Your tummy was one of his favorite parts about you, he's hands finding their way under your shirt to touch and squeeze the soft flesh more often than not. Always gentle and non intrusive. I think he'd full on cry if he accidentally upset you somehow tbh.

Boy had absolutely no shame about it, once he learned you didnt mind much.

Especially when you seemed to be a bit shy about showing your stomach, with the others, or just in general. He made sure to let you know how much he loved your squish. Be it at RAD or just casually in the house.

The only person who ever raised a fuss over it was Mammon, although, he tended to fuss over everything you did anyways;; His protests did absolutely nothing to deter you or Beel, much to his dismay.

Sometimes, if Beel was hungry and needed a distraction or a quick 'pick me up', he'd scoop you up and just shove his face into your tummy. (Much like what I do with my cat when I'm bored and/or sad) Then he'd just hold you there until he absolutely had to let you down.

Relishing in the feel of your softness and you heart racing under your skin, fluttering so delicately under his lips, pressing his face against you was an instant mood lifter for him.

You loved it, a surprised but delighted laugh always ripping from your chest, almost subconsciously. You couldn't hide your happiness in his affections, not that you would want to (thats a lie, you cant help but be embarrassed at the end of the day by the intensive joy you felt whenever you looked at him). Which only seemed to motivate him even more, and soon each time he scooped you up, he'd kiss all over your tummy, making you giggle because it tickled, before hugging you close with a small sigh.

"I brought snacks, and some cuddles. So uhm, can I nap on you for a bit? 'M tired. Unless your busy or something..." you beam up at him, starting to hesitate toward the end, suddenly a little unsure.

"Pretty please?? I wont bug ya, I promise." You plead, pulling your best puppy dog eyes, shifting from one foot to the other nervously. His eyes widened as his brain processed what you said, and the cute sight in front of him. If he was being honest, it made his brain stop for a split second.

He chuckled at you and lifted you up by the back of your knees, holding you carefully to his chest, mindful of your full shirt. A small startled squeak coming from you as he did so, a sound he never got tired of hearing.

You glanced in the room as he closed to door, he had papers sprawled over the small coffee table in the middle of the room, and a few (you spotted more in the trash bin in the corner) empty food wrappers around his work space. He plopped down in front of the table again, taking only a few steps to reach it. You were kind of jealous, your short legs never being a fair match against his. Luckily he enjoyed carrying you, which solved that issue right quick.

"You can keep me company while I finish my homework." He says, shifting you into his lap and keeping a loose hold on your lower stomach, fingers splaying out to get a small feel of your exposed skin. Glancing around, you dont see belphies mop of hair in his bed, he was probably sleeping in the attic or the observatory, you quietly hum to yourself, abit happy to have Beel all to yourself for the moment. Shifting forward, Beels hands refusing to let you go and setting on your waist, you hold your shirt above the edge of the table, and let the snacks spill from your shirt before smoothing the garment back down, missing Beels frown as he looses sight of your tummy. Quickly moving to organize the snacks a bit, so that they were within reach and not scattered all over his papers and in the way.

"Thank you, your the bestest!!" You say, the dull ache in your arms more than worth the effort in your opinion.

You tilted your head back so you can look up at him. Making eye contact with him made your brain kinda just...mush. Your hands slowly squeezing his on your waist, lifting them so you move a bit.

You tore you gaze from his, before turning around and wrapping your arms around his nack and your legs around his torso,(like a koala in his opinion).

Scooting as close as you could get away with, (your not as stealthy as you give yourself credit for, he knows, he just too nice to tease you for it, and he doesn't want you to stop), so you could snuggle up to him and be comfy at the same time. Which wasn't all that hard to do with him, being the teddy bear he is.

Your eyes glazed over slightly, and you were distracted as you mind pulled your attention away.

Ah, you were in pure bliss, you could die happy like this~

You had grabbed plenty of snacks, being sure to vary in your choices, knowing Beel would like to have options, and hoping to be able to buy some extra time with him and a cute Beel smile as a reward for your effort. Tho, youd do it anyways.

Not that you'd ever admit to that. Nuh uh, no way. Unless he asked nicely, you'd give in embarrassingly fast if he ever did, the realization making your face heat up.

But...

Embarrassment be damned, youd never tell Beel 'No'.

He looks down at you, face going all blushy and soft at your slightly dazed and flushed expression. Your thoughts getting the best of you for a moment. Shaking your head slightly and letting out a resigned sigh.

"Of course you can," you snap out of it when he speaks up, looking up at him, quick to give him your full attention. "I love when you cuddle up with me, it helps me focus a bit. You didn't have to bribe me, though, as long as its you, my cuddles come free-" wrapping his arms around your shoulders, giving you a snug hug, he moves to continue. "Not that I'm complaining-" you cut him off, feeling slightly guilty about it. You were already flustered, and his sweet words weren't helping your predicament one bit. That was until your eyes actually focus on his face, oh sweet hell, hes so precious!!! Your heart thumps nearly painfully for a moment, nerves biting into your thoughts.

Your face was definitely beat red now, you could feel it at the tips of your ears even. Yet you refused to move, your eyes locked on his. A rare occurrence, one you could tell he was basking in, his eyes were glued to your face, studying it. His flush deepening slightly.

Squishing his cheeks and "shushing" him gently. Your basically cooing at him, to tired suddenly to care much about how your words or actions came off. The nervousness slipping away from your voice and movements. "Its not a bribe hun, I just felt like seeing you smile before I fell asleep on you. Heh, your smile is my goodluck charm for good dreams, ya know?" You tiredly rub his cheek with your thumb, eyes lit up happily and content. Giving him a small breathless laugh at the end.

He really did calm you down, your mind slowing down as the excitement started to fade, a fact you became overly aware of quite suddenly, your eyes feeling quite heavy now that you felt safe.

You yawned, your weariness catching up to you.

Beels quick to notice, taking note of the bags under your eyes. Dont worry, he'll make sure you get some good sleep, no bad dreams were gonna plague you on his watch. He glances over at the snacks you brought, unbelievably happy. Seeing you so cutely curled up to him, the fact that you brought him as much food as you could carry(a sight he nearly died from when he saw it) and your sweet sweet words, it definitely warmed his heart to say in the least.

He loved that you actually came to find him, just so you could cuddle. His adoration for you is bottomless, just like his hunger.

So, Beel wraps you inna big bear hug, pulling you closer and peppering the top of your head and face with kisses. He gives you a big grin, his eyes sparkling happily. "Nap, I'll wake you up when I'm done and we can hangout till dinner."

You tiredly nod, relaxing against him.

Grabbing a baggy of chips, he smooches your forehead, before tucking your face under his chin so he could munch, and see his work(not like that was much of an issue, beels a big boy after all👀), without completely covering the top of your head in crumbs (you'd told him you didn't mind, especially since he always ruffled your hair to get then out, and you loved that...but he still feels bad about it and tries to avoid it to some extent) and being able to rest his chin on top your head was just the cherry on top for him.

💗Happy beel mode activated💗

Sighing happily, you close your eyes. Beels cuddles making all your stress melt away, just like they always did. Slowly, you start to drift off, listening to the soft scratch of his pen as he starts to work and his deep breathing, letting it lull you into sleep.

I dont know why my brain wanted me to got all out on this. I literally jus couldn't stop tweaking with it. Imma post if before i decide to change it. Imma just conveniently forget i wrote this now, maybe ill like it more after a week or two... :/ also if theres any spelling or grammar issues plz tell me, its like 2am rn so im sure i missed something

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the-weeping-fox · 4 years

Text

you save yourself.

I'll save myself this time around.

i had a feeling id hear from you on my birthday.

i thought id get a call or text though. so not winning big on that bet.

it still shakes me pretty bad.

i wonder if you knew how obsessed I was with you.

i know you have an idea, but i don't think you'll ever really know.

nothing scary. just... an overabundance of love and affection. you were my air. i wanted to breathe you in.

thought I smelled you for a second the other day when I was cleaning out my room.

its hard. I miss my best friend. I miss the love of my life.

heard your sister got engaged. bout time.

i wonder... if things never went sideways with us.. would we be married now? im sure we would've come around.

but i think thats a silly thought.. i think we were always sideways. even in the beginning. fighting and begging you to date me. christ.

hard memories and harder feelings.

lots of things have been happening to me and for me. things I wish you could share in. places I see your shadow.

waiting to schedule therapy till after my move. been processing alone. its hard. even with people who care. im trying to let go of the anger.

im really angry you hurt me. no matter how you slice it, you put me through some really awful things.

I would tell you that I had a theory that as someone got older, they would learn how to feel another Feeling simultaneously. Like, if you were 30, you could potentially feel 30 Feelings at once. Maybe some overlapping, maybe some individual.

I say this, because I feel like this is how my feelings towards you are built. I have this structure of Love and Friendship that we originally built, through fun sex and taking care of each other. But then these other really horrible feelings of Betrayal and Angry due to.. everything that happened.

I just... i was your sweet boy and you lied and hurt me. Ill never understand. I feel like a kicked Kitten. I try and put logic to it, but it just hurts me more.. trying to make sense of it. trying to put your shoes on and see it from your eyes... hurts. i don't know if ill ever understand how you could it and live with yourself.

i had some part in all of it too. i don't want to spend my life as a victim. i put so much love and faith into you. and the one thing I needed... you couldn't do.

i remember you telling me.. that sometimes I needed to just sit down and say, "you'll be okay. I love you. we'll figure it out and be okay." and that's what I needed. i was so lost in my own sadness and anger that I couldn't tell you I needed it.. but that was it. i needed to see your heart again.

anyways. i don't really want to harp on old shit. i do it 24/7 in my own head as it is.

you deleted your tumblr. never ceases to make my heart ache. but you reached out on my birthday. its.. a strange and potentially painful move. you know your number isn't blocked. so there's still a distance you want to keep. I've come to my own conclusion that it was a Bait. I responded on my old Tumblr... but after spending days pouring over the hint of a response.. i realized how gross that was and is.

I hard-loved you. I loved you with a ferocity I have never shared for anyone else. you were my one and only. I wanted to drink you in. I've had a painful time quitting you. I watched our videos... a lot. I wish i had made 1,000 more. I think i gave up trusting you somewhere along the road.

but... dangling that message.. that "but..." was... awful. I dont know if it was an open invitation to contact you or.. what. but it was.. it sucked. I would have rather had a phonecall or text or something. i don't know. I guess tumblr was the only place we could actually communicate, so maybe this was the best avenue.

I miss you. A lot. All this time and silence gives a lot of perspective. I miss your voice. i miss your smell. I miss your body. I miss your snores.

But another point of perspective is that you gave up our life. You sold that house. You got a new place that you wouldn't reveal the address to. You got new friends. You were walking away from me and us for a long time.

I get why. You spent a lot of time as the quiet girlfriend, waiting for me to tell you what I needed. but read that last sentence aloud. I was hurt. I was damaged. I wasn't going to ever be able to tell you what I needed. I needed your heart to call out to me, and it was the one thing you wouldn't do.

I hope Mittens is doing well. I cry when I think about her not being in my life. I hope I get to see her again before.. well. before anything happens to anyone.

Anyways. after I left my response to your Tumblr message... i... stopped checking it. You might have even responded. I won't know though. I probably won't know until our anniversary. I'll be there, by the way. Ill be in the spot where we figured it all out the first time. Probably get lunch and spend the day in that parking lot. I know you're not the emotional type like that, haha. Id be shocked. floored probably. might even hear me actually gasp.

...

I wouldve been a really good quarantine boyfriend. I really wonder what you think of me. what you honestly think. I mean.. it has to mean something that you left a message for me. Maybe you can't get our memories out of your head either. Im sorry if you thought I might have been trying to use you for sex or something near the end there. I wonder if that's how I came off. It wasn't how I meant to. Sex was just.. a really straight forward expression of our love and.. always felt safe and good with you. Ive had a lot of trouble trying to make that connection with anyone else. They aren't you and... i need to figure that out.

Things with Kat never came to fruition. she didnt really liked that i was too fucked up over you, haha. that would probably make your evil little heart jump. You beat Katherine in my mind. Maybe that can put how I feel about you in perspective.

I also wonder about letting you know about this blog? Maybe. Maybe as an anniversary present. But I cant imagine you want anything to do with me anymore. I really tried to salt the Earth when you left. I could feel how addicted I was to you. I had to for my own good. I wasn't strong enough to quit you.

shit. i still don't think I am. I dont even know if ill be able to move on. I dont want to. I miss you. I want to try and use my angry to curve that feeling, but love is stronger than hate. it always wins out.

so I guess I'll just keep pretending that you had my kid in some alternate universe and cry to my new friends about how some blonde girl shattered my heart.

I hope... youre okay. I think i mean that. its hard in here.

#breakup #secret blog #pennyveronica #Spotify

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vegafiction · 6 years

Note

Hey there! Thanks for the Voltron Bad Things Happen bingo ficlets. Would you be able to do an Isolation for Lance? It seems like the thing that would suck the most for him. Maybe he's lost in the wilderness on a dangerous world and has to wait for the rest of the team to find him. Doesn't have to be shippy, but I'm cool with klance if that's you're preference (that was the only ship I noticed was in the tags).

Count: ~1.2kPairing: N/AChara(s): LanceFandom: VoltronPrompt: IsolationWarning(s): None

So, I didn’t add a ship in this. It’s mostly Lance-centric, none of the other Paladins show up because I was interested in exploring his mental deterioration as a result of prolonged isolation. I made a note on Ao3 about it so I’ll include it here: Lance’s perception of Red in this is skewed by prolonged isolation and constant stress from having to survive on an alien planet. It’s up to you to believe whether or not Red’s decision here was the right one.

I feel like this could have been way better but I’m not going to force my brain to push out anything else this late at night. >_

Get your own card @badthingshappenbingo

Ko-Fi | Ao3 | Masterlist | Request

He tore through the forest as fast as his legs could carry him. He was mindful of the upturned roots or the low hanging branches that whipped past his face or just barely grazed his cheek, but he couldn’t afford to slow down. He clutched his damaged gun close to his chest, his breathing harsh as he forced his legs to pump faster. The loud roar of the creatures behind him carried through the sky. They didn’t sound close, but they weren’t far enough for him to rest.

Lance jumped off a small ledge and slid down the muddy wall until the momentum bounced him off the wall. He stumbled into a small creek, splashing and spraying water all along the length of his sore legs. He continued running.

He didn’t stop until the planet’s three moons drifted into the sky. He slid down another hill then, finally, collapsed safely inside a cave opening.

He gasped for air, feeling his lungs and body burn from the strenuous effort of trying to survive in a world that desperately wanted to kill him.

There were dragons on this planet – large, impressive, dangerous beasts who took one sent of Lance and decided he was something they would have for dinner. In other circumstances, Lance would have been in awe. They were gorgeous creatures, ancient and mystical, but terribly temperamental and vicious. He’d encounter a few who had been friendly to him; a very small herd he wished he had stayed close to. Their alpha had been the one to save him from the ravenous wolves Lance had accidentally stumbled upon, but most of the dragons on this planet were quite unfriendly.

Some of them had even managed to break his bayard.

Lance rolled onto his back with a pained groan. His muscles screamed in protest with every movement he made, but lying there, so close to the entrance of the cave, would give him away. He forced himself to his knees and crawled further into the cave.

Deep inside, Lance allowed himself to collapse onto the makeshift bed he had fastened from the leaves of the trees and other fibers. He dropped his damaged bayard beside him and turned to the wall.

Lines were etched into the solid rock. There were four lined together as neatly as possible with another slashing diagonally across. Lance picked up a sharpened rock from the ground and scratched a new line beside the others. There were six lines now.

He sighed.

“It’s been thirteen quintants since I’ve been on this planet,” he said to the silence, eyeing the tally marks. His eyes trailed upward toward the ceiling. A sense of dread washed over him. “I really hope I don’t have to fill up this whole wall.”

He tossed the rock aside and, with much discomfort, rose to his feet. He gathered wood and tinder from the far corner and tossed them into the fire pit. He lit a fire through the sparking of rocks then shuffled around the cave for his supply of food.

His first few days surviving alone on this planet had been… unpleasant. He’d gone hungry for three days before he finally managed to kill a few of the smaller beasts. He learned the hard way what berries were edible and which ones were poisonous. (He’d been lucky the poisonous berries were not potent.)

Finding the cave alone had been a blessing. Everything else was pure survival instinct.

“You know, I bet if the others were here, they’d be really impressed.” He grinned to the fire. It flickered and crackled in response. “I know right? I bet they never would expect me to survive out here on my own, but hah! I managed to survive thirteen quintants with just my bayard!”

At the mention of the broken weapon, Lance felt his good mood grow somber.

The flames sizzled.

“It’s my fault. I should’ve been more aware of where the dragons were.” Just like it’s my fault I’m here in the first place.

He propped a berry into his mouth and chewed.

Are they even looking for you? It’s been thirteen days.

“I’m sure they’re looking. They probably… they probably can’t find Red’s coordinates. Once they find him, they’ll find me.”

But you’re nowhere near the Red Lion. Even if they find it, they won’t find you.

Lance shifted uncomfortably in his place, suddenly burdened by the harsh reality that was the Red Lion.

Why hadn’t the Red Lion activated on its own? Whenever Keith was in danger, the lion would act on its own volition and yet, when Lance had been faced with a life or death situation, the giant, mechanical lion had just… remained frozen. It was as though he were unfazed by the fact that Lance’s life was on the line. Like Lance’s life held no importance in the lion’s eyes because he simply was not Keith.

Lance’s brows furrowed as realization dawned on him.

That had to be it. That had to be the reason why. He was not Keith. He wasn’t the skilled fighter pilot Red had chosen at the beginning of their unwanted adventure. Lance was just… Lance, a bottom of the barrel cargo pilot who barely scraped by in the Garrison.

He wasn’t some cool, edgy half-human, half-galra fighter. He wasn’t Keith. He could never be Keith, and maybe… that was why Red had chosen to remain frozen. They were just complete opposites.

Where Lance failed, Keith excelled. He’d been chosen by Red, deemed the only one who could control the lion’s unruly nature. Then, he’d been chosen by the Black Lion as their new leader in Shiro’s absence. And even when he’d willingly gave away the position back to Shiro upon his return, the Black Lion still chose him as their leader. It still obeyed his every command, just like Red, just like the others do.

Maybe Red saw something in him that it doesn’t see in you. Said the voice in his head. Or maybe it sees exactly who you really are: a rotten kid from Cuba and unworthy of being a Paladin.

Lance stared blankly into the flickering flames. He felt the heat of the fire caress his skin, warming his cold, exhausted body. He hadn’t realized he’d been shivering until then.

He tossed another piece of wood into the flames.

“Sometimes I wonder if Blue only chose me to get to Allura.” Suddenly, he chuckled. “Imagine that? A lion using me to get to a girl. I guess that can still happen out in space.” He laid back onto his hands, eyes unseeing. “Maybe I’m exactly where I need to be? Blue doesn’t need me anymore. I’m not worthy to pilot the Black Lion and Red just doesn’t seem to like me. Maybe this was my destiny the whole time, getting stuck on an alien planet, far away from home.”

Tears welled in his eyes, but he refused to shed them.

At least you won’t be a burden to them anymore.

“Yeah, I guess that’s true.”

He rubbed his weary eyes with the heel of his palms as a yawned ripped itself from his throat. He crawled back to his pile of leaves and curled onto his side, facing the flames. A part of him wondered if he should snuff it out, it seemed dangerous to fall asleep with an open flame. Yet, he chose not to move. He remained where he laid, watching the fire dance among the shadows until his vision blurred into darkness and the only thing left in his mind was the fuzzy visage of the Red Lion.

#nada writes #long post #badthingshappenbingo #langst #vld lance #vld #voltron legednary defender #fanfiction #anonymous

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