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#it could be either hilarious or heartbreaking with no in-between

theidiotwhowritesthings · 7 months

Text

Take Care of You [9]

Sugar Daddy!Joel Miller x Female!Reader

Overall Warnings: slow burn, angst/comfort, power imbalance, age gap, possessive tendencies, eventual smut, #daddyissues, independent reader learns to let go and relax, emotionally constipated Joel Miller learns to be vulnerable; (more specific warnings to be added to individual chapters if necessary)

Chapter Word Count: 9,950

Mood board and borders by @saradika

Summary: You spent your entire adult life supporting yourself and barely getting by. It’s why a life of ease offered to you by a mysterious stranger sounded so foreign and unbelievable. Joel Miller, dressed in flannels that had seen better days, didn’t look like the kind who could promise you the world on a plate, but he seemed desperate to help out. All he asks is that you let him take care of you. That wouldn’t be so hard. Would it?

[a/n: we back, baby. and we also barely edited so if you catch a typo don't hate me. also this was supposed to end in a different spot but then i got carried away in the middle so i had to split it 🥴]

Chapter Specific Warnings: angst, heartbreak, binge drinking to ease emotional turmoil, mild violence, mentions of blood and injury

09: LET ME TAKE CARE OF YOU

"i still haven't figured out how to sit across from you, and not be madly in love with everything you do." ⏤ william c. hannon

Three years ago, Nima tried to convince you to go skydiving with her. She begged and she pleaded, but you told her ‘no’ on account of thinking she was a crazy person for wanting to jump out of a perfectly good plane. Which was hilarious now considering you were sitting beside Joel wanting to pull open the door and dive out. The irony was not lost on you.

The only reason you hadn’t gone scrambling for the door was because Joel was forced to take a work call a few minutes into the flight. He hadn’t moved away. Joel stayed right next to you with his arm behind you as he spoke, and every few moments he’d glance at you with a silent apology and shake his head. You’d reply with a tight lipped smile and go back to mindlessly scrolling through instagram.

Unfortunately the mindlessly scrolling was not so mindless. Since leaving Vegas, you had a high pitch ringing in the back of your mind like an endless, echoing siren. Married. A married man. Joel was⏤ Your teeth were clenched together so hard you wondered if Joel could hear them grinding against one another. Yesterday had been filled with so much anxiety, and you had managed to work through it by the end of the night. Mostly. But this was worse. This was so much worse.

Married?

Your throat suddenly felt tight, eyes stinging with unshed tears, and you hastily undid your seatbelt and stood. Joel glanced your way and you pointed to the back of the plane and mouthed the word ‘bathroom’ to him. He nodded with a soft smile, and you spun on your heel and practically sprinted to the tiny plane bathroom. You struggled to get the folding door shut and the stewardess who sat not far away stared at you in confusion. You gave her an awkward wave and finally got it latched.

“Fuck.” You shoved your face in your hands, leaning against the wall, and held back your tears. You were confused and frustrated, and you couldn’t even find relief in a good cry because Joel would spot it in a heartbeat no matter how much you tried to put yourself back together. The thought of confronting him about this right now was your worst nightmare. You hadn’t had the time to process any of the wild thoughts pinging around your head yet.

Your mind was at war with itself. On one hand, maybe you were being stupid and naive. For the last month and a half you’ve spent nearly every day with Joel and on the days you weren’t actively seeing him the two of you would talk either over a call or through text. You knew Yo-yo for 24 hours. Sure, she seemed nice and sincere, but what if Rosalind sent her to screw with you? For all you knew, Yo-yo had cruel intentions and was trying to drive a wedge between you and Joel. By taking her word you’d be playing right into that trap. What she said about the other sugar baby and about Joel being married? Maybe it was all fake and you’ve been stressing for no reason.

On the other hand, Joel didn’t kiss you. He didn’t kiss you because he wanted to ‘do right by you’. Joel asked for time. Was it because he needed to get a divorce? Worse. Was he married with absolutely no plans to get divorced and just buying time for something else?

God, if you kept up this line of thought you were gonna vomit. Quickly, you turned to the sink to splash a little cold water on your face in hopes it would help you get your shit together for the next thirty minutes. Half an hour and you’d be on the ground. But then what? It would be a miracle if you kept it together for thirty minutes let alone any longer.

You took in a long, slow breath and tried to clear your mind. When you felt steady enough, you stepped out of the bathroom. As tempting as it was to hide in there for the rest of the flight, it would probably be a red flag for Joel that something was wrong. You wandered back over to Joel and at your approach, and at the sight of you, he covered the bottom of his phone and whispered, “You alright?”

“Mhmm.” You nodded quickly and sat back down.

“I’m sorry. Jus’ another minute.”

You waved your hands at him as nonchalantly as you could and he went back to his call. You leaned back in the seat, phone in hand, and Joel readjusted his arm on the back of the seat so he could settle his hand on your shoulder. As he always did, his thumb was tracing circles on your shoulder. An action you always loved, but now an intrusive thought slammed into you⏤ does he do this with his wife? The question was so startling, so sickening, that you couldn’t bite back the nausea that rolled through your body. You jumped up so fast you nearly stumbled over your feet, and you scrambled for the bathroom.

Vaguely, you heard your name behind you, but you didn’t stop until you reached the toilet. You fell to your knees and threw up. The taste of acid in your mouth made you wince, but getting it all up did bring some relief. That relief was short lived though as you felt a large, warm hand settle on your back.

“Jesus, sugar.” He said in a soothing voice as he rubbed your back. “What’s goin’ on? Have you felt sick all mornin’?”

You spat into the toilet bowl, trying to get the taste of bile out of your mouth, before reaching out and flushing the toilet. You tried to stand, and Joel hooked his arm around you to help you up. He called out of the bathroom and a second later the stewardess brought in a cup of water and a ginger ale. Joel handed you the water and kept his hand rubbing up and down on your back.

“I’m⏤ I’m fine.” You shook your head and took a sip of water to swish and spit into the sink. “Really.”

“Obviously not.” Joel replied. “C’mon, let’s sit you down.”

“Joel…” You tried to argue, but he wasn’t hearing it. He kept an arm around you as he carefully led you back to the seat. He brought the bottle of ginger ale with you and the moment you finished the water he took the cup out of your hand to replace it with the soda. “I feel better now. It’s fine.”

“You’ve been off this mornin'. I was worried.” Joel lifted a hand to feel your forehead. It made sense that Joel picked up on your distress. He had always been so good at reading you. “You seemed fine when we first woke up. When exactly did you start feelin' sick?”

You took a sip of the ginger ale, “I…I don’t know. After breakfast maybe.” You lied. The sincerity in his eyes, the concern in his voice, it was both bringing you comfort and making you sick again all at once. You felt so stupid. Either you were freaking out over a lie a woman you barely knew told you or you were being tricked into feelings by a married man. Either way, you felt pathetic. “Your, um, your work call, Joel.”

Joel shook his head in response and didn’t even bother addressing the work call he stopped. He set a hand on the back of your neck and his thumb was lightly ghosting over your skin. You closed your eyes and took a slow breath in and out through your nose. “Tell me what I can do, sugar.”

“I⏤” You swallowed the lump in your throat. You forced your eyes open, finding Joel’s furrowed brow and worried gaze already on you, and it made you want to cry. You shook your head, “I, um, I think I just wanna lay down for a while. If that’s okay.”

“Course it’s okay.” He replied.

The seat the two of you were sharing wasn’t long enough for you to lay down without laying your head on Joel’s lap. You planned on moving to the other couch seats to lay down, but Joel’s hand was still on the back of your neck and he lightly began to guide you down. Too tired to even try and move, you settled your head on his thigh and curled your body up onto the rest of the seat.

In any other situation, this would be one of the most comfortable spots on Earth. Your head rested on his thick, firm thigh, and Joel’s hand traced where he could reach. Up and down your jawline and neck⏤ his thumb and forefinger would occasionally massage your earlobe. You tried to calm your racing thoughts. The truth was, you didn’t know the truth yet. It was a fact you kept repeating in your head in hopes it would numb the sharp pain of your worst fears, but those intrusive thoughts continued to pummel you.

“I’m so sorry, baby girl.” Joel murmured while his fingers dragged across your skin. “What a shitty way to end this weekend.” You hummed in agreement. This really was a shitty way to close out what started as one of the best weekends of your life.

Avoiding Joel made you realize how involved in your life he was. After landing in LA, Joel tried to drag you to a doctor and only conceded when you told him it was probably a 24 hour bug and you just wanted to sleep. He called you later that night to check in on you, and you managed to talk to him for a few minutes before lying about wanting to go to bed early. Come Monday morning, you went to work despite Joel texting you that you should stay home. Trying to focus at work was physically painful. Enough so that after the nightmare Monday had been, you left midway through the day today claiming to Henry that you didn’t feel well. It wasn’t even a full blown lie. You felt like shit.

Nima threw the folder of papers onto her desk and set her hands on her hips, “I’m gonna hit him with my car.”

“Please don’t.” You mumbled with your chin resting in your palm as you leaned on the other side of her desk. After leaving work, you came directly to Nima’s office. Going home and sitting on your couch, alone with your thoughts, would only make you ten times more miserable.

“No, actually, my car isn’t big enough. I’m gonna commandeer a bus and hit him with that.”

“I haven’t confirmed anything yet. For all I know, I’m being this pathetic over nothing.”

Nima snapped her hand up and pointed at you with a glare, “No. I will not have you shit talking yourself when the only person we should be shit talking is Joel Miller and his wife.”

You groaned and let your head fall to the desk. The words ‘Joel Miller and his wife’ made you viscerally ill. The time you spent not talking to Joel Monday night you spent stalking people on social media. You reached dead ends very quickly though since Joel didn’t have any social media whatsoever. The easiest solution was to just look Joel in the eyes and ask him for the truth, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. You wanted to know the truth, but you were scared to actually seek it out.

If you asked Joel for the truth, if you confronted him, then he’d give it to you.

What if the truth was something you didn’t want to hear?

“Alrighty, babe, real talk.” Nima said and you lifted your head, keeping your chin resting on the wood, and saw she had dropped down into her office chair. To meet your eye line, she held her chin on the desk across from you to mirror your position. “I can threaten and plot his demise all I want, but I know I’m not allowed to kill him until this is confirmed or denied.” She twisted her lips. “You deserve the truth.”

You pouted, “How am I supposed to ask him about this, Nima??”

Her eyebrows furrowed in concern, “If you did ask… How sure are you that he’d answer truthfully?”

You pushed up and leaned back in the chair. That was a good question, and with anyone else it would probably be a real concern. However, you weren’t worried about that. You truly, deep down, believed that if you confronted Joel about this he would give you the truth.

“I really think he would.” You answered. “Is that naive of me?”

“You know him better than I do.”

This entire situation made you question that. Did you know him? You knew he grew up in Austin. He had a younger brother, Tommy, and it was just them and his mom for most of his childhood. You knew he attended one year in college when his mom passed away⏤ cancer. Joel dropped out of college to take care of his brother and picked up a job in construction. That’s where he got his start. His first boss saw he had a knack for more than just the manual labor and trusted him with more and more until Joel was running sites for the man. At 27, Joel’s girlfriend of three months got pregnant. They planned to make it work, but she left when Sarah was two weeks old. You knew he adopted Ellie three years later. That he earned his bachelor’s degree in business at home through online classes while raising two young girls and working a full time job. That he started Miller Construction shortly after earning that degree, and it blew up from there.

You knew despite being a tough guy, he didn’t like horror movies.

You knew his favorite whiskey was Lagavulin⏤ neat.

The one thing you didn’t know was if he was married or not.

“I am going to suggest something,” Nima began, “And I want you to listen before you call me crazy.” You shot her confused look and she continued on. “I have this cousin.” You groaned and Nima chastised you to listen. It seemed like she had a cousin available for every situation that arose, and half the people she called cousin weren’t even technically related to her by blood. Anytime you asked her about it all she’d say was ‘Korean moms’ love to talk’, as if that clarified anything for you. “Seriously. He’s dating a private eye. With one text, we can get some answers.”

You shook your head, “Nima, that’s insane.”

“Is it?”

“Yes, hiring a private investigator is insane.”

“Look, it’ll get us reliable answers.” Nima argued. “The truth.”

You rolled the idea around in your head. It was literally the epitome of paranoid absurdity, but you were wondering if that’s the point you were at. Would it be better to find out this way? That way when you finally did confront Joel you wouldn’t be blind sided by the answer. Hell, if the answer turned out to be ‘no, he isn’t married’ then you can chalk up the last few days as time wasted and move on with your life. That being said, it did seem like an invasion of Joel’s privacy.

“That feels…” You paused, “Illegal?”

“It’s not illegal to hire a PI.” Nima countered then tilted her head. “I think. I’m not a lawyer, but people do it on TV all the time, right?”

“Well, that logic is foolproof.”

“I’m not gonna do it if you tell me you don’t want to do it.” Nima said firmly. She crossed her arms and gave a small little shrug. “But you have to do something. Either this or just call him right now and tell him the two of you need to talk.” There was a protective sincerity in her eyes that felt like a security blanket being settled on your shoulders. “I don’t want to see you get more attached to this guy just to be hurt. I don’t want him to lie to you.”

You knew Nima only had your best interests in mind. Technically, Joel had given you no reason not to trust him. Half the time you thought on this topic you convinced yourself you were overreacting and being a pathetic, paranoid mess. Yo-yo, as nice and fun as she had been, was a virtual stranger to you. Her word shouldn’t trump Joel’s. You knew all of that, and you wanted to trust him. However, it felt like some broken part of you was looking for something to be wrong. Joel Miller was too good to be true. Why would someone like him be interested in someone like you? There had to be something else going on. According to your ex, you hadn’t even been worthy of him and Joel Miller was ten times the man he was.

“Okay, do it.” You blurted and hated yourself for doing so.

Nima held your gaze for a second, but you pushed to stand and crossed her office to her private bathroom. You took one of the paper towels, dampening it, and set it on the back of your neck in a poor attempt to ground yourself. For a while longer, you just stood there in front of the sink. Not staring at yourself, but staring forward at a singular spot as your thoughts raced. You needed a positive thought. Just one would do, and you were prepared to drag it out of your thick skull kicking and screaming if necessary.

“Everything is going to be okay.” You mumbled to yourself softly.

The whispered words did nothing for your anxiety. However, the memory of him did. You found comfort looking back at the soft moments spent with Joel and let yourself fall down that rabbit hole. The temporary peace was nice, but it didn't last. Finding strength you didn’t know you had today, you splashed your face one more time and then left the bathroom.

Your eyes immediately landed on Nima who stared back with wide eyes. Nima spoke first, “What?”

“What?” You repeated. “I didn’t say anything.”

“Oh, I thought you said something.” Nima flipped her phone over and settled her hand on top of it. You glanced from her face to her phone and back again. A look of misery flickered across her features. You tilted your head in question. “Are you hungry? I’m hungry.”

“Nima.” You crossed the room quickly. “Did they already text back??”

“No. Yes. Maybe?” Nima shook her head. “Not exactly.”

“Nima.”

She twisted her lips and drummed her nails against the plastic case of her phone. You shot her another look and she blew out a sigh. “He sent me a response, but it’s like half an answer. Half a report. We should wait until he can⏤”

“What did he say?”

“Apparently, he’s working on a case for someone else right now and had a database right in front of him so all he had to do was type in⏤”

“Nima, please.” You blurted. It felt like your heart was caught in your throat. You couldn’t breathe and you didn't feel coherent enough to string together a thought. Her hesitance was an answer in and of itself. You rubbed your throat, your other arm wrapping around your torso in a poor attempt to hold yourself together, and gasped. “Just say it.”

“He’s married, babe.” Nima mumbled. You knew the words had been coming, but they still overwhelmed you. The air left your lungs as if someone had gut punched you and you fell back into the seat in front of her desk. “He said he’d send me the certificate when he could, but he has to finish this job first. I’m so sorry. I am so, so sorry. I⏤”

Nima stopped herself from speaking as she came around her desk and wrapped an arm around your shoulders. You sat in her embrace for as long as your shattering mind could endure and then shook your head, “I need a drink. Drinks. Plural.”

“It’s three in the afternoon, babe.” Nima mumbled in concern. You shot her a dry look and she offered you a tight lipped smile. “Drinks it is! Let’s go. We can go back to my place and⏤”

“No.” You pushed to stand. “I wanna go out.”

“Oh… kay. Where?”

“Anywhere.” You turned and began to leave.

Nima was scrambling to gather her belongings into her strawberry shaped purse before rushing out after you. “Just one drink though. I hate being the voice of reason, but we should limit ourselves to one drink.”

One drink turned into two which turned into three which turned into twelve.

By 6 PM, you were borderline wasted. It was by no means the best decision you’ve ever made, but you couldn’t classify it as your worst considering that, for the first time since leaving Vegas, you didn’t feel sad or defeated. No, those blue emotions had turned into a burning shade of red. You had finally found your anger and all it took was copious amounts of alcohol.

“I mean, married?” You scoffed as you stood at the bar with Nima at your side. “That’s⏤ That’s illegal.” Nima nodded in agreement as she blindly tried to find the straw in her drink with her tongue. You reached out and pushed it toward her lips. “And worse than illegal! It’s fucking rude.”

“So rude.” Nima slurped at the last of her drink and all you could hear was the rattling of ice in her glass. She pulled away to slam the cup down and pointed at you⏤ her pink hair had been let down from the braid to messily rest around her shoulders. “You should get a new sugar daddy!” You stuck your tongue out in disgust and shook your head. “No! This is such a good idea.” Nima began to look around the bar. “Let’s find you a super hot, super not married sugar daddy.”

“I don’t want a new sugar daddy. I want another drink.” You leaned on the bar and waited for the bartender to look your way. Nima and you had bounced to a few bars. The two of you, back when you were sober, decided to start drinking in an area that had multiple bars all within walking distance. The one you were in now wasn’t familiar to you⏤ it wasn’t a place you and Nima had been to before. It was a bit too upscale for your liking. Sober you would not have been a fan. Drunk you? Loving it.

Nima was tapping on your shoulder rapidly and when you looked her way she was pointing across the bar to God knows who. “He looks like he wouldn’t marry someone without your permission.”

“That’s,” You shook your head, “not my situation.”

“Isn’t it?”

“I don’t know.” You shook your head and looked back toward the bartender who was busy with a group of women further down the bar. The sound of vibrating vaguely filled the air and you leaned closer to Nima who immediately wrapped her arms around you in a hug. “You’re vibrating.”

“You’re vibrating.”

You found her purse and opened it so you could rifle through it. It dawned on you then that somewhere around bar two and drink five you had shoved your phone in her purse for safe keeping. When you finally managed to pull it out, Joel’s face was flashing on the screen and you yelped in surprise. You tossed the phone onto the bar and held your face between your hands.

“Oh, no. Oh, no, no.” You shook your head and the vibration stopped. Joel’s picture disappeared and was replaced with a notification of a missed call that joined the notification telling you that you had unread messages. Your eyes snapped to Nima who was trying to drink out of her empty cup again. “Joel.”

“Bastard man.” Nima edited.

“Dinner.” You grimaced. “At 7. I’m supposed to get dinner with Joel at 7. It’s 6:35.”

Nima shook her head and crunched the ice she had shoveled into her mouth, “Bastard man can go to dinner with his wife tonight.”

You grimaced, “I hate all the words you just used.”

The bartender began to wander over and Nima turned to order more drinks. You picked up your phone and leaned against the bartop with your elbow. With a frown and furrowed brow, you opened your text messages. Every unread text was from Joel unsurprisingly. The first came in at 4:29 and it was a simple, ‘Hey sugar, I’m excited to see you tonight’. The next was almost exactly an hour later and it said, ‘Hope your day’s been alright. We still on for tonight?’. Finally, the most recent at 6:15, was just your name with a question mark.

You set the phone back down before the temptation to reply could overcome you. It only sat on the bartop for a second before it began to vibrate violently as another call came in. Joel’s face filled the screen and you felt a wave of sadness drag you under. The fact that you were mourning the lack of his presence to this degree was probably a sign you were doing this ‘sugar baby’ thing very wrong.

“Maybe I should answer it.” You voiced the thought aloud.

Nima caught it and gasped before slapping her hand on top of the still buzzing phone, “No, ma’am! You will not be doing that.” The bartender set two new drinks between the two of you. Nima pushed one in front of you and moved the straw to point directly at you. “Drink.”

You took a sip then spoke, “I don’t even know the whole story⏤” Nima pushed your face back to the straw so you took another long sip. “Maybe it’s a misunderstanding…” This time your lips found their way to the straw on their own accord and you took a sip that could be argued as dangerously long. “I need to talk to him. Confront him. Demand answers.”

“Yes. To all of that. Eventually.” Nima replied with a nod. She reached forward and bopped you on the nose with her finger. “But not tonight.”

“Why not?”

“Because I know one thing in life,” Nima held up the one finger she used to bop your nose, “You do not have serious conversations while drunk.”

You shook your head with a pout, “I thought you said you don’t like being the voice of reason.”

“If it means helping you, I’ll always lean toward reason, babe.”

The two of you went back to drinking. Your vibrating phone stopped and a few seconds passed before a notification for a voicemail popped up. You turned to Nima, “Can I listen to it? That’s not talking. That’s listening.”

Nima chewed on her straw slowly before bobbing her head in an affirmative nod, “I shall allow it.”

You picked up the phone to listen to the message he left you.

‘Hey, sugar.’ Joel’s voice rumbled over the line and you felt your chest physically ache at the sound. You closed your eyes in annoyance with yourself. If you hadn’t fallen so hard, so fast for this man you wouldn’t be in this scenario to begin with. ‘Gotta say I’m a little worried. Haven’t heard from ya all day. Gimme a call when ya get this.’

You groaned and set your head down on the bar. Guilt gnawed at you. It felt childish of you to be ghosting him like this, and that wasn’t your typical go to move. You had enough respect for the people in your life to address them when needed rather than hide behind voicemail. With the guilt was a swirling vortex of anger. You were angry at Joel for not being up front with you. You were angry at Yo-Yo for being the one to plant the initial doubt that started all this. You were angry at yourself most of all. Angry that you felt guilt at all, angry that you had foolishly placed so much trust in a man you barely knew, angry that despite everything there was still a part of you that craved his presence. You missed his touch and his voice. You missed those burning brown eyes and the way his very glance could melt you into a puddle.

“You okay, babe?” Nima’s voice asked softly. You shook your head without lifting it. “I’m sorry. I can break his knee caps if you want?”

“What?” You lifted your gaze.

“What?” She replied innocently.

The phone began to vibrate again startling you. He had just called so you didn’t expect him to call again, but then again you were supposed to be in your apartment waiting for him to pick you up for dinner. You pictured him standing at your door dressed up and holding a bouquet of flowers. Nausea rolled over you in waves, and you grabbed your mixed drink thinking it could cure your troubles.

A few minutes passed before another voicemail was left. You snatched your phone up and shoved it back into Nima’s purse so it would be out of your line of sight⏤ not even bothering to listen to the second voicemail. Tomorrow, you decided. Tomorrow you would confront Joel and have this difficult conversation. You both finished the drinks in front of you as the lively bar continued to thrive around you.

“Why is he married?” You asked suddenly. Nima must have known it wasn’t a question you expected an actual answer to as she stayed silent. You rested your face in your hands and sighed. With your eyes closed against your hands like this you began to feel dizzy. A sure sign that you should stop drinking. Nima rubbed your back soothingly and you dropped your hands to shoot her an appreciative glance. “You’re the best best friend a girl could ask for.”

“I know, babe. And you know what else I know?” Nima squished your cheeks together with a wide grin, “You deserve the universe in a gold hand basket, and any man who can’t see that or who would play games with your big, loving heart doesn’t deserve you.”

You laughed and Nima chuckled herself before letting go of your face to pick up her empty glass. Her tongue struggled to find the straw but once it did she tried to take a big gulp only to get drops and air. Nima pulled away from her straw and furrowed her brow, “Who finished my drink?”

With another laugh, you raised your hand to order two more drinks. At this point you’ve already had so much to drink, what would one more hurt? You knew the hangover tomorrow was going to be a bad one, but a part of you was looking forward to it. There would be no mourning Joel tomorrow if your head hurt too much to even think his name.

Nima successfully managed to distract you again as she drunkenly delved into a story you weren’t quite following, but you enjoyed the way she told it. A low whistle interrupted the moment of peace the two of you had found. You glanced past Nima to see two men in business suits wandering over. Nothing about them stood out to you. One was brunet and the other blond, but they both looked like they never grew out of the frat lifestyle on a college campus.

“We saw you two pretty ladies from over there and wanted to come and offer you our company.” The blond greeted smugly.

Nima turned in her seat to face him and waved her hand at him while taking a long sip of her drink until the ice rattled in the glass. Then she pulled the straw out of her mouth to finally speak with a shake of her head, “Sorry, we don’t speak english.”

“You just said that in English.” The blond chuckled.

“Sorry, sorry.” Nima waved her hand once more. “I don’t understand your accent.”

You snickered under your breath while chewing on your straw. The brunet stepped forward to stand side by side with the other and shook his head, “No need to be a bitch. We just wanted to talk.”

“Oh, you haven’t even begun to see bitchy yet.” Nima pointed her glass in their direction⏤ a bit of ice sloshing out with the exaggerated movement. “I can show you bitchy.” She reached back to swat at your arm. “Tell them, babe.”

“She can.” You nodded in agreement.

The blond set a hand on his friend’s shoulder and tugged him back, “Let’s just go, man.”

The brunet reluctantly let himself get dragged away, but he continued to stare at you and Nima the entire time. Nima spun in her seat and scoffed, “Where was I before I was interrupted by douchebag one and douchebag two?”

“I’m not gonna lie,” You shrugged, “I have no idea.”

“I’ll pick a place then.” Nima said and jumped into the middle of her story. “So, there I was covered head to toe in honey.”

Same as before, you really couldn’t keep track of her tale but it amused you all the same. The two of you chatted for another minute or two before a new face came across the two of you again. Nima had bounced in her seat, excited, and it knocked her strawberry shaped purse to the floor. Your phone clattered out. Before you could climb off the bar stool to grab it, a man passing knelt down and scooped it up. In one tanned hand he grabbed the purse and in the other your phone. The phone’s screen lit up and you swallowed at the sight of the multiple missed messages all from the same person.

“Oh.” The man cleared his throat and straightened his stance. He was handsome with a kind face. Dark hair, a bit on the longer side, was messily pushed back and it matched the scruff on his upper lip and chin. The man wore a pink button up shirt, all the buttons undone, over a white t-shirt. “I suppose this is yours, miss?”

You begun to reach out, “Thanks⏤”

“Hold it!” Nima pointed at the man making his dark, brown eyes widen. “State your intentions, sir!”

“To…return your purse?” He lifted up the strawberry bag.

Nima narrowed her eyes at him and snatched it away, “Likely story.”

“Thank you.” You reached out and he handed the phone over to you. A glance down revealed four missed calls, two unheard voicemails, and five texts. You winced at the sight and set your phone face down on the bar. You were surprised to see the man still standing by your stools. “You…” You narrowed your eyes at him. “You look familiar. Have we met before?”

He chuckled and shook his head, “Afraid not, ma’am.”

It was sitting on the tip of your tongue, but your foggy brain just couldn’t quite grasp it. Nima snapped her fingers and pointed at him. “I got it. He’s that guy.” You lifted an eyebrow at her words and she nodded frantically. “Yeah, he’s that actor! You play in that one show with, like, the zombies or whatever, right?”

“Not at all.” He laughed with a shake of his head. “I ain’t no actor.”

“Well then, I’m out of guesses.” Nima grumbled. She tilted her head, looking him up and down once more, “You seem nice enough. Got a pretty face. You rich? You wanna be a sugar daddy? She’s in the market.”

You rolled your eyes, “Nima.”

“You’re in the market for a sugar daddy?” The man asked in shock. You could hardly blame the man for his confusion and disbelief. This was hardly a normal bar conversation. “Really?”

“No. She’s just drunk.”

“Irrelevant.” Nima argued.

You chuckled then introduced yourself and Nima. The man paused for a beat before nodding and offering you his hand. “Nice to meet you both. My name is Tommy.” It took a second to click, but once the name finally wormed its way through your mind your eyes widened. Tommy chuckled and answered your unspoken question, “Yeah. I am.”

Nima glanced between you two with a frown, “Hold on, I’m not following. You are what? You’ll be her new sugar daddy?”

“No way in hell.” Tommy grinned. “If I even thought 'bout it, my brother’d skin me alive.”

The look on Nima’s face stayed confused until you swallowed the lump in your throat and finally spoke, “It’s… Nima, this is Joel’s brother.”

Her face remained frozen before morphing into one of shock. She gasped, almost comically, and pointed at him. “Oh, fuck.” Her eyebrows furrowed into a glare. “You son of a bitch, your brother is a son of a bitch!”

Tommy didn’t pay her outburst any mind, but his eyes darted back to you. “I asked my brother to come out drinkin' with me tonight, but he said ‘no’ cause he had a date with you.” Tommy stuck his hands into his pockets. “Funny I’m findin' you here without him.”

“That’s because your brother is too busy with his wife to be with my girl!”

Tommy’s eyebrows furrowed in surprise and he glanced back to you, “He already told you about her?”

It was quite possibly the worst string of words you could have heard all day. Only in competition with Nima’s ‘He’s married, babe’. You felt nauseous and dizzy⏤ the breath stolen from you again. Nima was arguing with Tommy, you could hear her voice, but you couldn’t concretely understand a single word that was said. When you finally managed to get a handle on reality, you looked back to see things had fallen apart and more time than you realized had passed in your mental breakdown.

The blond and brunet from earlier, in the suits, had come back and were somehow arguing with Tommy and Nima now. You suddenly began to regret the last two drinks you had. Maybe if you had gone with a couple glasses of water instead you’d be able to puzzle out exactly what was going on right now.

“Get the hell outta here. They ain’t interested.” Tommy snapped.

“Just curious as to why we weren’t good enough for these bitches and you were.” The brunet slurred his words. Tommy stood a step in front of Nima who had slid off her bar stool to stand in front of you with her hands on her hips. “What’s so special about you, bub?”

“Ugh. How about the two of you run off to the bathroom and jack each other off, huh? Then leave us the fuck alone.” Nima sneered.

“Shut your damn mouth!”

The blond tried to push past Tommy toward Nima, but Tommy shoved him back immediately. He grabbed the guy by the collar. “You gonna charge at a woman like that? Fuckin' coward.” Tommy’s voice came out in a gravelly growl that reminded you so much of Joel that it was staggering. “You got a problem, you take it up with me.”

The next moment happened fast. The blond tried to swing out at Tommy so Tommy blocked it with his elbow before tackling the man to the ground. The brunet grabbed Nima and wrapped his arms around her. She howled in anger and squirmed in his arms trying to find purchase to hit him. The brunet spun so his back was to you and you slid off the stool. Without pause, without thought, you picked up your empty glass and smashed it to the back of the man’s head. He released Nima, crumpling to the ground with a groan, and any shred of a fight stopped⏤as did the entire bar.

Tommy was kneeling on the ground pinning the blond while Nima stood off to the side.

“Oh my God.” Nima squealed, amused.

“Oh my God.” Tommy blurted, impressed.

“Oh my God.” You gasped, shocked at your own action.

You were panting, damn near hyperventilating, as the brunet began to rise on shaky limbs. Other patrons nearby converged on the scene to help out and before you knew it you were being ushered off to the side where a few couches and seats sat in a lounge area.

“You’re such a badass.” Nima gushed from beside you. "How’s your hand??”

“Hurts.” You mumbled and stared down at the white cloth wrapped around your hand. Bright red was beginning to seep through. The consequences of smashing glass against the back of someone’s skull. Police had shown up and you knew Tommy was across the room talking to them. But still, your eyes stayed glued on your hand. The cuts weren’t terrible but they stung something awful.

“Babe?” You finally looked up and met Nima’s concerned eyes. She nodded, “You alright?”

You shot her a small smile, “Yeah. Are you okay? I can’t believe he grabbed you.”

“I’m fine.” Nima peeked at your hand then stood. “I’m gonna see if this bar has a real first aid kit we can use. Be right back.”

She jumped up and jogged over to the bar. You sunk in your seat with a sigh and leaned your head against the back of the couch. There had been something very sobering about smashing the glass against that guy’s head. The adrenaline and pain cleared any lingering fog from your previous drinks right out of your head. It left room for you to think about Joel. Meeting his brother certainly didn’t help. Tommy clapped one of the officer’s on the shoulder with a smile and they went separate ways. You lifted your head when you heard his footsteps draw near.

“Well, I spoke to the police.” Tommy stuck his hands into his pockets. “You’re not gonna get in trouble for the, you know, the glass. Won’t have to go downtown with ‘em.” You breathed a sigh of relief. Tommy held your gaze for a few more seconds before scrunching his nose and bobbing his head toward you. “And Joel is, uh, on his way.”

You covered your face with your good hand and groaned, “Can I please just be arrested instead?”

“Sorry, no can do.” Tommy sat down beside you. “You know, I didn’t say it earlier, but it’s nice to finally meet you. Joel never shuts up about you.”

“Please. Don’t.” You blurted. “I can’t… I can’t talk about him right now.”

Tommy nodded, “Right. I, uh, when I called him we didn’t talk much.” He laced his fingers together and rested his arms on his knees. “I mentioned you were hurt and things kind of spiraled from there. That’s probably for the best though. I don’t wanna get in between a lover’s quarrel⏤”

“I’m not his lover.” You snapped, and you hated the way your voice cracked. You shook your head, “Not if he’s married. Not…” The adrenaline was beginning to wear off and you were exhausted to your very bones. “This is so fucked up. I never should've agreed to…

Tommy didn’t immediately reply. He sighed, “I don’t know you, and I don’t got the exact details of what’s going on right now, but… I’m glad you agreed.” He turned and met your gaze with a tight smile. “Joel’s been… He’s been better. Joel was in a rut for a long time. So long that I kind of forgot he was in one. For a while, that was just Joel.” Tommy’s smile grew as he chuckled. “But ever since the two of you met, it’s like this weight has been lifted from his shoulders. We’ve all noticed it, and we’re all thankful.”

“He’s married.” You whispered. “And he didn’t tell me.”

Tommy rubbed the back of his neck, “I know, but it’s⏤ it’s not that simple.” He nervously chewed on his lower lip. “Can you just give him a chance to explain?” You flexed your hand and sucked in a sharp breath as pain lanced up your arm. “Consider it a favor for me.”

“A favor for you?” You snorted.

“Yeah. I kept you out of prison, remember?” Tommy joked.

You cracked a smile and Tommy’s smile widened in victory. Nima skipped back over and dropped into the seat on your other side. She pulled your hand into her lap and carefully unpeeled the cloth away. As Nima rewrapped your hand while Tommy criticized her technique and the two bickered over you. You couldn’t help but flex your hand when she finished.

“Come on, pinkie.” Tommy stood. “I’ll take you home.”

“Uh, I am not leaving my girl here alone.”

“Joel will be here soon.”

“Then I’m definitely not leaving her alone!”

You reached out to squeeze her wrist and gave her a reassuring nod, “I’ll be okay. Gotta talk to him eventually, right?”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t have to be right now.” Nima argued. You pulled her into a hug to reassure her once again. Maybe this was a bad idea, but you had just smashed a glass against a guy’s head so the degree of your bad ideas couldn't possibly get worse. Nima sighed and stood up too. “Okay. You’re sure you’re fine?”

Tommy clapped his hands. “Joel’s a few minutes away. But we can stay until he gets here if you want.”

“No.” You shook your head. The thought of being alone for a minute was kind of nice. “You guys go.” Your eyes locked onto Nima. “If you’re okay with him driving you.” You glanced at Tommy. “No offense.”

He held his hands up in surrender and shrugged nonchalantly. Nima nodded, “We survived a bar brawl together. We’re bonded.” She grinned and pulled her strawberry purse around her shoulders. “Plus, worse comes to worse, I can stab him.”

“You can what now?” Tommy questioned.

“You’ve already offered me a ride. It’s too late to back out now.”

“Fine, pinkie.” Tommy waved her to follow.

You watched them go and sunk in your seat. The sounds of the bar was decent background noise, but it wasn’t enough to drown out the noise in your head. You picked at the edges of the gauze wrapped around your hand. Your eyes felt heavy and if you weren’t careful you were going to pass out on this bar couch surrounded by strangers. It was the sound of a crash that startled you back into the moment, and when you looked up from your hand you realized the door had been thrown open hard enough to hit the wall. Joel stood in the doorway panicked and wild eyed. He wore a suit without the tie and his shirt was unbuttoned at the top.

You stayed silent, sinking further into your seat, and watched as Joel’s wide eyes scanned the room. His gaze finally landed on you, doing a double take, and when he realized where you were you saw his shoulders slump in relief. Joel jogged across the room until he was able to kneel down in front of you. Joel’s warm hands found your face, cupping it softly, as he sighed, “Sugar, what the hell is goin' on? Are you okay?” Joel’s eyes studied your face then glanced down at your hand. “Jesus, your hand. Tommy called me. Sugar, I⏤”

“I’m okay.” You whispered, throat growing tight, “I just wanna go home, Joel.”

Joel tensed and he nodded, “Yeah. Alright. Let’s get you home.”

The ride in the truck beside Joel may have been the most awkward and tense ride of your entire life. It was silent. The only sound coming from the road outside. Joel’s hands were white knuckled around the steering wheel. You assumed his tension had something to do with you ghosting him this evening. His truck pulled up outside your apartment complex and your alcohol soaked brain realized not only did you not have your keys but you also no longer had your phone. Both were sitting in Nima’s purse right now.

You opened the door fully prepared to sleep outside your apartment on the welcome mat like a lost dog, but Joel grasped you by the arm cautiously to hold you in place. “You got your key?” You twisted your lips knowing he wasn’t going to fall for a lie. “Where is your key?”

“With Nima.” You mumbled. “She has my phone too.”

Joel sighed and let go of you to instead grab the truck door and shut it. He buckled you back into the seat and began to drive once more. You wanted to ask where he was taking you, but none of the words would come out. You drowned in your indecision while picking at the bandage on your hand. Joel suddenly reached over and lightly pushed your hand away from the injury.

“Stop pickin' at it, sugar.”

“Where are we going?” You blurted.

Joel shifted in his seat, “My place.”

“I don’t wanna go to your place.” You mumbled.

“Don’t care.” Joel replied gruffly and you lifted your head to glare at his side profile.

The tone of his voice stirred something inside you, and you felt the dormant anger start to reawaken. It had gotten buried under everything that happened, but now it was back full fledged. You sat up, “Take me back. I want to go home.”

“You don’t have your key.”

“I don’t care.” You snapped. “Take me home, Joel!”

“You’re comin' to my place where I know you can safely sleep it off, 'nd then tomorrow we’ll figure out how to get ya back into your apartment. Understood?”

You scoffed, “Don’t talk down to me. I’m not a child, Joel.”

“Oh, you’re not?” Joel scoffed. His tone was angry and frustrated. “Cause you’re sure as hell actin' like one.” He shot a glare in your direction before focusing back on the road. “Are you outta your goddamn mind?! Do you know how worried I was?” You crossed your arms and stared out the passenger window. “I don’ hear from you all day long. You disappear on me with no explanation 'nd then I get a call from my baby brother that you’ve been in a bar fight? And that you’re hurt?!” You stayed silent and Joel scoffed. “And now I get the silent treatment? Very mature.”

“You don’t want to argue with me on what’s mature, Joel.” You said, head whipping back to glare at him.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean??”

“You’re a hypocrite!”

“Excuse me?”

You scoffed, “It’s not very mature for a married man to pay a sugar baby for attention.” Joel hit the brakes and the seat belt caught you as the truck screeched to a stop. You glanced out the window to see his truck had reached a neighborhood and the streets were mostly void of other vehicles. When you turned back to Joel, you found him staring at you in a mix of shock and horror. You shook your head, “What was I, Joel? Some kind of midlife crisis?”

Pain could be seen through the horror, and he reached out to grab your wrist again. “No. No, that’s not…” Joel’s voice was hoarse and broken. He whispered your name. “Please. That’s not what this is.”

You tugged your arm away from his grip. “I don’t wanna talk about this right now, Joel. Either start driving again or I’m gonna get out.”

Joel kept his hands to himself as he slowly went back to driving. As if the awkward silence hadn’t been painful before it was downright agonizing now. You were pressing your thumb into the wounds of your palm just to try and keep from crying. Joel pulled into the driveway a few minutes later, and you couldn’t even get your brain to collect a single feature of the house in front of you. Joel jumped out of the truck and you stayed frozen. The passenger door opened but Joel didn’t move to pull you out. He held the top of the door frame and a foot rested on the running board so he could lean in just marginally.

“Sugar…”

“Don’t, Joel.” You said firmly. “Don’t.”

“Please just let me⏤”

“Are you married?”

Joel’s face crumpled in agony and he hung his head, “It’s… It’s not that simple. Just let me⏤”

“It’s a yes or no question.” You shrugged and tried to ignore the tears welling up in your eyes.

Joel looked like he was on the verge of a panic attack. His eyes were squeezed shut, but he still refused to answer. You whispered his name. Finally, he lifted his gaze back to you and opened his mouth. His jaw hung open silently for a second before he could speak. “...Yes.”

You felt the tears lingering at the waterline drip down your cheeks and hastily began to wipe them away with your hands. Joel gasped and began to reach out but when you flinched he held back. He shook his head, “You’re bleedin'.”

The bandage around your hand was soaked with blood, probably from digging your thumb into the wounds, and when you felt your cheek with your fingertips they came back tinted red. You must have smeared it across your face.

“Sugar, let me… let me take you inside.” Joel murmured. “Please. I know you’re… upset, 'nd you have every reason to hate me right now, but… just let me get you inside.” His hand reached out for you once more, but he stopped himself. “You can leave in the mornin', but for tonight just⏤ just let me take care of you. Please.”

You gave a small nod. It felt weak of you, but you reassured yourself that you had little to no other option. Your hand hurt, your head ached, you were exhausted to your very being, and deep down you were torn between wanting to yell and scream or curl into a ball and cry. Joel took a few steps back to allow you to climb down yourself, but when you wavered his arms shot out to try and steady you. Joel herded you toward the front door without actually touching you.

Your eyebrows furrowed when you studied his front porch. The entire front of his house didn’t look like the typical rich LA style you were accustomed to seeing. In fact, his porch and front door reminded you of a quaint farmhouse. Joel unlocked his front door and held it open for you to walk in. Right inside the house, the foyer had an open style with a set of stairs pressed against the wall just up ahead. It opened straight into a large living room that evolved into a dining room with a matching open kitchen to the side. The entire back wall by the kitchen and dining area was made of glass but the back porch lights were off so you couldn’t see the view.

Joel tossed his keys into a bowl sitting on an accent table against the wall right by the door. You glanced over to a little bench built into the wall on the other side beneath a set of bay windows. The rest of his furniture from what you could see was modern and plain. You were drunk off alcohol and misery, but your brain was still able to take the time to note that Joel’s furniture didn’t match what you imagined him to have.

“C’mon.” Joel motioned you up the stairs. He followed after you and when you reached the top of the stairs he pointed to the left. You stepped into the master bedroom and Joel slid in past you moving straight toward the master bath. While he rooted around for something, you glanced around his room. There was a king sized bed sitting in the middle of the room covered in dark green sheets. A window sat on either side of the bed. The wall to the right was where the bathroom door and the closet door sat, but on the left was a single loveseat pushed against the wall. All the furniture was dark brown including the large dresser against the wall by the door and the smaller bedside drawers on either side of the bed under the windows. You drifted toward one of the bedside drawers where a photo was propped up. It was of Joel and two young girls. Joel had shown you enough pictures of Sarah and Ellie for you to recognize them, but in this photo all three of them were significantly younger.

The sound of a throat clearing made you look up to see Joel standing there with a first aid kit in hand. “Sit down for me?” You sat on the side of the bed and Joel sat beside you. He opened the kit then carefully unwrapped your hand. When he saw the three lines haphazardly cut into your palm he let out a soft hiss. “You hurtin' much?”

“It stings some.” You mumbled. He hummed in response and used an alcohol swab to clean up the cuts. Joel did so with soft touches and his eyes flickered to your features every second or so to check in on your status. You locked your jaw to bite back any sounds of pain that tried to slip out.

“They look bad, but I don’ think they’ll need stitches.” Joel thought out loud.

“Good.” You said. Joel grabbed some fresh gauze and began to wrap it around your hand. You studied his features as he focused so intently on the task at hand. His warm gaze was burned into your skin as his eyebrows furrowed in concentration. You had the urge to trace your fingers through the scruff along his jawline. When he finished, he lifted his gaze and his eyes locked with yours. The two of you stared at one another in tense silence. Pain and longing filled his brown eyes, and you wondered if it could somehow just be a reflection of your own. It made no sense for you to both be so miserable right now. “Where is she?”

Joel tensed, “What?”

“Where is your wife?” You asked more firmly.

“Are you sure you wanna get into this tonight?”

“I just want answers, Joel.” You sighed. “I need something. My mind has been a mess since we left Vegas.” Joel’s face crumpled as he closed his eyes with a sigh. “Yo-yo told me I wasn’t your first sugar baby and then she said you were married to your first sugar baby.” The words were falling out like pouring water now. “And then Nima has a cousin who has a cousin who has a friend or something that was able to find your marriage certificate⏤”

Joel murmured your name in reverence and opened his eyes. He shook his head. “I’m sorry. I should’ve told you from the start. That way there’d be no miscommunication or confusion. I meant to. But… I kept puttin' it off 'nd it got to the point where too much time had passed…” Joel hesitantly reached out for you and when you didn’t shy away he settled his hand on your arm. “I did have a sugar baby before you. It’s a… long story, but I am not married to her.”

Your eyebrows furrowed, “You didn’t marry her?”

“No. Absolutely not. She was… Like I said, it’s a long story.” Joel squeezed your arm. “One that I promise to tell you. In the mornin', when you’re not half drunk 'nd half hungover all at once.”

“Then who the hell are you married to, Joel?”

“I… I am technically still married to Celina.” Joel finally spat the words out. You shook your head in confusion. The name was foreign to you, but Joel heaved another sigh and added, “Sarah’s mom.”

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✨J.M. Masterlist✨

#joel miller #sugar daddy!joel miller x reader #sugar daddy!joel miller #tlou fanfiction #the last of us fanfiction #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #female reader #reader insert #take care of you

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recreationalfanfics · 1 year

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I love your writing, can you possibly do Yandere Loki and maybe Aphrodite with an Asexual Reader who’s not physically attracted by them, rather they tell them how they’re very ‘Ugly/Unattractive’ because of their personality (I’m Ace myself) how do you think they’ll react to Reader calling Thrud ‘Beautiful’ and the ‘True Maiden/Beauty in Heaven’ because Reader likes Thrud for her personality (I think it would be funny since I believe Loki knows he’s attractive, same for Aphrodite but to the extreme, and I definitely would find it hilarious for them to be knocked down a peg or two because Reader isn’t afraid to call them out on their bullshit and tell them they’re Ugly)

I ADORE Thrud, she’s so beautiful 😭 (She’s so pretty and cute, like HOW can anyone THINK she’s a monster??)

NO, YOU'RE SO RIGHT ABOUT THIS AND TY FOR THE THRUD REQUEST. LIKE, LOKI DEF KNOWS HE'S PRETTY BUT I KNOW WHERE MY LOYALTIES LIE AND HAS TO KNOW HIS PLACE WHEN IT COMES TO THRUD.

Yandere! Aphrodite + Yandere! Loki w an Ace! Darling who likes Thrud Better

Yandere! Aphrodite:

- As the Goddess of Love and Beauty, she is entitled to some degree to think that she's attractive so why wouldn't you fall for her?

- Despite how many times you try to tell her you're uncomfortable with it, she will try to seduce you but stops when you push her away or genuinely seem upset with her attempts.

- She either assumes that you're shy or that you are simply playing hard to get, which she enjoys for a while. You know Kokomi Teruhashi from Saiki K who simply can not accept the fact Saiki isn't interested in her? Literally how she acts.

- When you try to tell you aren't attracted to her, she doesn't really listen which finally causes you to snap and tell her that she's ugly. She laughs in your face and coos about how her darling has such an odd sense of humor.

- "No, I'm not joking! You may be pretty on the outside but I could never love anyone whose as ugly as you. Especially someone who can't respect my boundaries and choices!"

- And she is shocked for a bit...but then she is PISSED. YOU UNGRATEFUL WHELP, ARE YOU NOT AWARE OF HOW MANY MORTALS AND GODS WOULD LOVE TO BE IN YOUR SHOES!? TO BE ADORED BY HER THE WAY SHE ADORES YOU!

- She gets angry and yells at you. You knew she wouldn't be happy to hear it and her lashing out at you only proved your point about how truly ugly she was. You backed away from her as she tried to walk towards you, trying to grab you, but she was stopped by someone who stood between you two.

- "Hey! Leave them alone."

- "YOU FOOLISH VALKYRIE, YOU DARE STAND AGAINST A GODDESS!?"

- "If she's taking out her anger on a mortal she's been HARASSING since Ragnarok started, then yes!"

- She glares from Thrud, to you, to Thrud again. Then she turns around and walks off, trying to pick up the dignity she had as a Goddess after being brutally rejected by you. She sulks and rages and mopes for a few days, after all, HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY THINK SHE WAS UGLY!?

- When she's finally in her right state of mind, she tries to approach you again. Maybe she can apologize and change your mind about her! After all, she will admit that looking back she has been a bit touchy but she's so in love with you! Maybe if you saw that then you'd accept her. Oh, and there you are- Wait, why are you with Thrud??

- It turns out that while she was in heartbreak, you and the most muscular Valkyrie sister had grown quite close. Thrud protecting you from other God's, letting you sit on her shoulder and laughing as you talked about how much taller you felt. You looked so happy around her, why didn't you look that happy with Aphrodite!?

- Then you called her the True Beauty of Heaven and Aphrodite is once again sent into an outrage.

- HER? A BEAUTY? MEANWHILE, APHRODITE WAS UGLY!? THAT DIDN'T MAKE SENSE, (Y/N)!? HOW COULD YOU BE SO CRUEL TO HER!?

- From here, she honestly will do anything to keep you away from Thrud. She'll try to act nicer to you but she doesn't have the patience to keep it up for long, maybe she'll stage a little accident where Thrud can't save you but she can, or maybe...she'll just take you away♡

- It's your own fault for this, you know! She tried to love you gently but you simply wanted to be ungrateful.

Yandere! Loki:

- This man knows he's drop dead gorgeous and while it isn't the SOLE reason why he acts like a horrible God, he still thinks that because of his looks and "cute" antics that you'd at least fall for him.

- He is a bit more respectful of your boundaries than Aphrodite is...like, when it comes to seduction and stuff, he wouldn't really do much of that. I'll give him that much but that doesn't mean he doesn't make you feel uncomfortable or unsafe.

- You can feel his eyes burning into you, he doesn't really care enough to hide his prescence and he thinks its cute the way you glare at him and try to move away from him, as if he isn't gonna follow you♡

- He knows how you feel about him already. You've even called him Ugly or Unattractive for his personality before and his response is usually just him chuckling and telling you why you expected any different, after all, he is the God of Deciet and Mischief♡

- Lately, he hasn't seen you around as often and it's honestly been affecting his mood. He's more irritable and he's seething when he tries to look for you and you're not as your usual spots. He even broke into your room, expecting to scare you and catch you off gaurd.

- Only to see that a lot of your possessions where gone, which confused and frustrated him even more. Then he hears some other gods talking about you and how you were now living with one of the Valkyries, to which Loki grabbed them and threatened to kill them himself if they didn't tell him everything.

- You changed sides...You couldn't stand him so much that you changed sides and were now roommates with one of the Valkyries, he wasn't sure how he felt. Of course he was angry but he also couldn't really blame you. That didn't mean he had to like it, of course.

- Not only that but it was Thrud who had let you stay with her, noticing how uneasy and paranoid you were because of Loki and vowing to protect you from him. Yeah, maybe he liked to make you miserable and isolated and by his side but he highly doubted you needed protection from him.

- Although protection was such a laughable word considering the fact that despite Thrud's muscular and giant build, he was more than confident all it would take was a simple flick of his wrist to end her.

- So he goes over to the Human's side to grab you and drag you back to him, everyone avoiding him as he walked to the Valkyrie's quarters with a dark and heavy aura that radiated with anger and bloodlust.

- He didn't have to walk too far since he heard you in the garden...talking with Thrud. He stormed over to you, yet he stopped in his tracks when he heard what you said to her.

- "Thrud, you truly are the most beautiful person in heaven." You sighed, making Thrud flustered but she smiled and shyly thanked you for the compliment.

- He...he feels something weird. It's in his chest. It feels like an ache of some sort? The word echoes in his mind as he clenches his chest and stares at the ground. He already knew he was attractive, even when you did call him ugly, and it didn't bother him. So why...Why does that hurt so much now? Beautiful. Why does he feel cold when he sees how joyful Thrud looks when you tell her that.

- That moment of sorrow passed by quickly and he's already enraged but he just walks over and hugs you from behind. Thrud gets up to try and hurt him but he just puts a blade on your neck and is all: "Thrud! What an unpleasant surprise! I'm sorry but we really must be going now! C'mon, (Y/n)!~ I've missed you terribly!" and Thrud is helpless because she doesn't know if he'll actually hurt you but when she tries to follow after, you just give her a sad smile of defeat...which breaks her heart.

- When he drags you back, he throws you roughly against the wall and pins you to it, using one arm to cage you and the other to roughly seize your chin. He looks at you, nothing short of furious but seeing how terrified you are of him at that moment, it makes him smile. So, he gently asks in a soft tone that lacked affection and tenderness, "Tell me I'm beautiful, (Y/n)."

- "...You're beautiful." You answer him, your eyes filled with terror. The smile on his face grows at your words, even if he forced you to say them, and he just pinches your cheek lovingly: "Oh, you're too cute to stay mad at~ Lucky you."

#Yandere Aphrodite x reader #Aphrodite ror #Yandere Aphrodite ror #yandere aphrodite snv #record of ragnarok #ror x reader #shuumatsu no valkyrie x reader #snv x reader #ror loki x reader #ror loki #snv loki #yandere record of ragnarok x reader #yandere shuumatsu no valkyrie #yandere loki ror #yandere loki snv #tw yandere #yandere

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bloodywings · 1 year

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Putting the "fun" in funeral

CW/TW: major character death!!! reader dies, talks of dying, talks of funeral, probably ooc Bakugou, angst with no comfort

Gender Neutral, plus size and POC friendly!!

I think that's all, please let me know if I missed anything!

Thanks for clicking, I hope you enjoy!

"Kat?" a soft whisper of a question fell from your lips, breaking the silence that had been in the room for far too long.

"Yeah?" Your boyfriend responds, you two hadn't spoken in a while, hence the silence. But how could you? The news you were just told would be enough to make both of your hearts drop. The impending silence was better than acknowledging the inevitable.

"When I die," you started. And with this, your lover felt his heart sink. You had just accepted it? He could feel a lump in his throat start. Death had been a thing that you feared, the inevitable but scary action kept you awake at night. And of course, your lover was always there to soothe your worries. Your fear of the unknown had taken a toll on you more times than either of you could count.

So to hear you, of all people, just accept this fate, was bone-chilling. "Can you make sure no one wears black at my funeral?" You asked. You could see your boyfriend's eyebrow raise at the request, so you explained "I mean, I'll already be dead, why wear black? It just kinda ruins the mood, y'know?" And to this, your lover let out a stiff chuckle. The conversation was serious, sure. But your logic was hilarious, and the blonde couldn't help the belly laugh that flowed from his lips.

And you soon joined in

"I mean seriously," you say between chuckles, "I'm already dead, I feel like black is doing too much. Have them wear pastels or some shit." You finish with a final chuckle Only to begin again after your lover says in between his own laughs. "Pastel? Are you fucking serious?" His face is beginning to turn red from how much he has laughed within the last few minutes.

"Hell yeah, have them put me in yellow, or something. But not a mustard yellow," and as you finish, Bakugou says it with you,"a pastel yellow!" and you both begin laughing again.

And as your boyfriend is punching your hospital bed in laughter, you can't help but smile. After a mission went bad, a long tear-filled trip to the hospital, before receiving heartbreaking news. You wouldn't be able to live outside the hospital. You'd be on a ventilator for the rest of your life. Barely being able to move on your own. With someone taking care of you.

Either that or they give you a week and pull the plug. You had a 25% chance of living after that. You were only 28, living a life on a ventilator until the day you died didn't sound like the best plan.

And so the second option seemed the best.

Of course, your lover had tried to talk you out of it

"I'll take care of you, you know I will, just please, don't do this" Katsuki begged. "I don't know if I could last without you." He whispered that last part.

"You say that now, but in a year or two, having to come home and take care of me is going to be absolutely shitty." You argued, standing your ground. "You're gonna wish they pulled the plug on me." You finished.

He hated this, he wasn't going to be able to get through to you. Your logical stubbornness was something that he loved. It was one of the main things that attracted him to you. But now that forgotten boomerang was coming back, and he wasn't going to be quick enough to catch it.

But when was Katsuki Bakugou ever known to give up?

Before he could continue his argument though, you did "You're only saying this now because you don't want to face the grief, but the actions of your stupid and selfish consequences are going to come back and bite you in the ass." You finished. The glare in your eyes and the tone in your voice told him that the conversation was over. That arguing was pointless.

And that's how you ended up in silence.

But now, as you're watching him belly laugh you couldn't help but smile. Sure, the thought of your impending death was making you want to sob, but you didn't want your last moments with the love of your life to be in tears.

You wanted him to look back on these memories and smile through the tears, laugh through the racking sobs that were impossible to control. You wanted a tear-filled smile to come when he thought of you. Not the fearful look on your face at the thought of death. And so you laughed with him, holding back tears.

And he did the same for you.

Whether you liked to admit it or not, Katsuki knew you like the back of his hand. He knew that your smile was to make him smile. And to answer that bright smile of yours with a scowl was too brutal.

Even for him.

And so he smiled with you, wanting to ease your worries about leaving him alone. The thought of losing you held him in a vice grip, choking him more and more. But he smiled for you.

And even a week later, when your time was up. He watched as you said your final words, surrounded by family and friends. Kirishima's arm wrapped around him, squeezing him every once in a while to ground him.

All of his friends, who had later become your friends were there. They had grown to love you almost as much as Katsuki did.

Almost, only because Katsuki would go to the ends of the earth for you. If you wanted him to all you had to do was set the timer. He'd call you when he got there. If you wanted a star, all you had to do was say when. He'd suit himself up and get to space for you. If you want your enemy's head on a platter, he'd say "medium or well done?"

He loved you with all that was in him, and as he watched the light leave your eyes, the air leaves your lungs, and the monitor you were connected to fall to an ear-deafening beep. He felt his heart sink into his chest.

A sob, so soft that you might not even hear it if the room wasn't so silent. And immediately the redhead holding him pulled him into a hug, tears streaming down his face as well.

He wanted to push Kirishima off, and walk out, but the stress and anticipation of your death had been weighing on him all week. He needed a shoulder to cry on. And with the rest of the people that he held deep in his heart surrounding him, he just might be okay.

And another dreadful week later was your funeral, you as well as the rest of his friends dressed in beautiful pastel colors. Nowhere near reflecting how they felt. The pastel was a huge contrast to the pain, guilt, and grief that was gnawing at them.

And you? You looked beautiful, in that pastel yellow outfit that Katsuki had picked out for you himself. Keeping your final wish deep in his heart.

Instead of 6 feet under with you.

A/n: Hii, so how was it? Please let me know in the comments! If you have any ways I can improve as a writer please let me know! (remember there is a difference between constructive criticism and being rude)

Notes and reblogs are appreciated

I hope you're having a good day! And if not, I hope tomorrow is better! bye darlings <3

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teufelsabbiss · 4 months

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Story-idea: Yue Qingyuan turns into a demon

Tianlang-Jun/Yue Qingyuan

Variation on the idea that humans can turn into demons when their heart demons get too strong.

A while after Shen Qingqiu and Luo Binghe married, Shen Qingqiu visits the sect again. Unfortunately, right at this time either someone brought back an artifact from a mission that reveals the original Shen Qingqiu was replaced by another soul or a seer is present who spills the information. This is obviously not good. After more questioning of either artifact or seer, the other peak-lords learn that Shen Yuan was unwittingly and unwillingly forced to live Shen Qingqiu's life.

And Yue Qingyuan finally breaks.

He's not angry at Shen Yuan, since he neither planned nor wanted this to happen and did a lot of good. But the sadness and despair Yue Qingyuan feels knowing Shen Jiu is gone and actually hated him to the end is too much. He already suffered through several traumatic, heartbreaking events and this time he stops trying to get a hold of himself. Despite the efforts of his fellow peak lords, his heart demons overwhelm him and he turns into a powerful demon. Even Xuan Su twists into a terrifying new shape.

Shen Yuan is convinced this means Yue Qingyuan will go on to attack and inflict horrible revenge fueled violence worthy of the PIDW protagonist on him and so obviously tries to bolt. He's not getting far, though. Big misunderstandings ensue yet again, because Yue Qingyuan very much demands his blood. But to Shen Yuan's eventual utter bafflement and relieve, Yue Qingyuan has no intention of killing or maiming him. He just wants a blood sample so that he can search for Shen Jiu's soul. Shen Yuan urges him that, if he does find the original goods, he absolutely has to explain to Shen Jiu why he couldn't save him from the Qiu's, because he's sure this would fix things between them.

Against everyone's protests, Yue Qingyuan declares he resigns his position in Cang Qiong. Then he leaves to find Shen Jiu.

His search leads him into the demon realm, where he by chance meets Tianlang-Jun, who is as nosy curious as usual. After hearing what happened, he offers to help. After all, this is highly interesting and, while Yue Qingyuan is truly strong, he knows next to nothing about the demon realm. They get along surprisingly well.

It doesn't take too long to find Shen Jiu. He reincarnated as a demon. (Depending on how long reincarnating takes and how much time has passed between the story events and now, I think he could be around 10 years at most.) Shen Jiu is yet again alone and struggling to survive. He does remember his past life, which helped him quite a bit, but his situation is still rather bad. Seeing Yue Qingyuan in demon form is a great shock to him.

Shen Yuan was right, though, knowing what really happened is mending things between them. It's a very tearful reunion. Yue Qingyuan finally has his little brother back.

Tianlang-Jun is happy to be around them. Two former humans with ample knowledge of human customs and art, now perfectly fine living in the demon realm where no one will dare oppose them having contact - what's not to love about this?

Tianlang-Jun and Yue Qingyuan get together after a while. Tianlang-Jun is not exactly a capable adoptive father. Good thing that Yue Qingyuan has that covered all the better and Shen Jiu doesn't really need it from anyone else anyway.

(Maybe they also find a demonic equivalent to the Sun-and-Moon-Dew-mushroom or another MacGuffin, so that Tianlang-Jun eventually doesn't have a problem with his demonic qi deteriorating his body if he isn't careful anymore.)

Imagine Shen Yuan accidentally stumbling over them after a few years and learning they are a weird, happy little family now. That reaction could be hilarious.

#svsss #story idea #writing prompt #yue qingyuan #tianlang jun #is there even an agreed on shipname for these two?#TianYue #lets go with that for now

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dolphin1812 · 8 months

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“Ten years later, with the love of Marius in her heart, she would have replied, "An insufferable pedant, you are quite right."”

I love that a Cosette fully in love with Marius (in the future) would be the first to mock him.

Tragically, this chapter specifies that Valjean is sad (which must mean he’s truly distressed, since being sad is one of his main characteristics). Still, Valjean is portrayed as the threat here (although Marius seems very incompetent in a hilarious way). His desire to keep Cosette’s love is, here, almost controlling. It frames love as a competition (or, too keep with the military metaphors, war) between him and Marius for Cosette, rather than a bind between each of them. His wish to be loved by Cosette is heartbreaking in that he doesn’t always process that she already loves him, but her love isn’t a reward, either. It’s a practice that they each choose to undertake because they care about each other.

Worst of all:

“Then his [Valjean’s] eyeballs were filled with a mournful and extraordinary brilliancy; he was no longer a man looking at a man, no longer an enemy looking at an enemy, he was a dog watching a robber.”

He basically hates Marius so much that he becomes Javert! Though unintentionally, Valjean’s wish to keep Marius away could limit Cosette’s freedom, trapping her like he was trapped before. He doesn’t, exactly; they do move, but he also goes back to the gardens with Cosette when he realizes she’s really upset. But it’s still not a good sign that he’s like a guard dog. That he’s idealizing the convent (which, though peaceful, was depicted as a supernatural cage full of decay) is also ominous, suggesting that he’s unintentionally replicating the prisons he’s used to.

#les mis letters #lm 4.3.7 #cosette #marius pontmercy #jean valjean

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darasideblog · 1 month

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Offloading thoughts on the whole Goshawk season of the White Vault because I need to put to word what didn't land for me with this season and I don't want to annoy my friends babbling about shit

It. Is. So. Slow.

And yet there's no tension whatsoever. Despite that the production value and voice actors are absolutely top notch as always. I have zero critique on that front, everyone's great.

I don't have any reason to root for these characters. At the start of the season I knew one thing about Iffy.

She's a nature photographer.

At the end of the season I know a whole two things about Iffy.

She's a nature photographer. And probably Casner's daughter.

Which is just dropped right at the end in such a abrupt way that I half expected to hear the 'dun dun' music that the Black Tapes used whenever they'd drop a revelation without really setting it up.

I don't mind the change of format, the found footage format worked great for season 1-3, but pretty obviously had gotten forced by season 5.

But if I the listener am no longer privy to the characters' inner thoughts, they need to externalize those thoughts. Within half of the first season you have a good grip on who the Svalbard team is, what they have left behind and want to get back to, which just makes it all the more heartbreaking when they get killed (or transformed). The season 3 expedition is a odd half and half in that the academics are pretty much just there, but Simon, Dragana, Maheer and Raimy get enough presence and dialogue between them for me to care about them.

There's none of that in Goshawk. I can honestly barely keep the sisters apart in my head because there's nothing beyond 'one has a injured leg' to really keep them separate. They don't talk about themselves, and neither do Iffy. Which makes sense for the first half, running from kidnappers in a blizzard doesn't leave room for much chit chat. But once they find shelter there should have been some room to get to know them. Even your shittiest action movie will let one soldier have a line about how much he misses his wife and baby at home, so you'll at least feel a little bit sorry for him when he inevitably gets shot or blown up.

Which really is the second major issue I think there is with this season: the narrative is split between two stories, in every episode.

The whole family stuff is... interesting, in that world building kind of way, but it adds absolutely nothing to the overall horror and survival story. It isn't really helped either that the stakes feels so hilariously low. Dís and her entire family is all acting like the sky is falling, and they're all about to die to various accidents because their protection is disappearing, when Ardna throws herself in front of a car to save a friend, and... walks away with what amounts to a bump on her head that just requires a couple of days in the hospital and off home she goes.

You could pretty much cut out half if not two thirds of the family side of the story, put it in the latter half of the season as a cut away, and ramp up the stakes to build some proper "Oh shit, something is up with this system that's been in place for centuries" feeling. Artifact showed there's plenty of creepy feelings to get when the guardians starts to mess with things, even while you're in the safety of civilization. But aside from the very last bits with one randomly showing up at Dís place and whispering to her, there's nothing really supernatural going on here either. Just a mother concerned for her daughter, which is all well and good but it's not a supernatural horror story.

So one story line feels like it's not really getting any room to establish its cast and do the whole supernatural horror thing, nor actually drop any 'oh, something is suspicious about our saviour' hints in regards to Jason, and the other is honestly taking up too much space with too little substance to it.

Honestly, I was hesitant about this season anyway, since I left season 5 feeling a little sour at how it felt like it just wanted to get rid of this particular story beat and start over, without really giving much payoff to the whole five season story line (and the miniseries' events), but I wanted to give Goshawk a fair shot.

And now I'm not sure if I'll even bother with the next season. Which sucks, I started listening to it shortly before season 2 dropped, and have eagerly awaited each season since then.

#the white vault #white vault #the white vault critical #IDK

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cheryybutter · 9 months

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I remember watching the show when it first came out. I had been invited to my classmates apartment to just hang out and they mentioned this new show on Prime Video. I didn't have prime at the time, so they offered to play the show on their TV and for us to watch it. I said why not and watch the first episode together.

I can't really remember what I felt whilst watching the show, except for the need to finish it as soon as possible. So when I got home, I immediately went on my favourite streaming website and watched every episode there was. I loved every bit of it, not the type where you get obsessed with it, but I have certainly have enjoyed it.

I told my friends about it and liked some fanart of it, but never really thought about it until the release of the second season. I knew there was going to be another season and I was so exited to watch it. Excepting for it to be another fun and adventurous plot where everything will be resolved in the end.

I was wrong.

It began great. The story was interesting, the mystery even more. The interactions between the characters was goofy and I liked the inclusion of new characters. It was all going great.

Until the ending was spoiled to me by accident. There weren't many details in the spoiler, but something big happened at the end and I was most defiantly not ready for it. Who knew, maybe the spoiler was wrong and there was an different ending. One the will either sunrise me or utterly disappoint me.

I fear disappointment the most, so I ended up avoiding the final episode the whole week. Anticipation building up in my body. I was getting restless, always wondering what was going to happen. Was it going to be good or bad? What will it mean for future seasons? Is there even going to be another season?! I couldn't handle it anymore.

So I devised a plan to re-watch the entire show, just to prepare myself for the inevitable. For two days I was just intensely watching the episode, analyzing every scene, trying to figure out what is going on between the two. And when I finally got the the season two final episode, I froze. I stare at the screen, contemplating life all over again, imagining what my life could be like afterwards. There was only one way to find out.

I click play.

At first it was exciting, everything was going well. The fights were silly and their reactions to everything were hilarious. It was going to be good. When the fight was resolved, I was full heartily expecting a happy ending for the main protagonists.

I knew what was going to happen between the two, immediately recognising the build up for it. I was happy. I said with joy "Oh they can finally be at peace and happy together."

I can't really spoil it for those who haven't watch it, but it wasn't what I was hoping for. The spoiler happened, but the context behind was heartbreaking. I was sobbing through out the entire scene, grieving something that could have been.

After the music stopped for the credits, seeing the sad looks on their face, I cried even more. I cried so much I got a headache. I did not feel good at all.

I left my chair and went on my small balcony, sat on a tiny children's chair and looked at the trees surrounding my home. I sat there and tried to process what I have just seen. Tried to figure out what was going to happen next. The amount of crying I did tired me out so much that I couldn't even do anything properly.

So I continued to sit there until it got too cold for me. I go back to my seat and try to distract myself 'til it was time for bed. I should have watched the episode before I went to bed. At least then I wouldn't have to suffer with this knowledge any longer than I had to now. But it was too late for that.

Now I shall go to sleep, hoping that tomorrow morning would be nicer to me.

#good omens #good omens 2 #ineffable husbands #aziraphale #crowley #fuck this show #i love it so much #my friend bought the book for me in germany bc they dont have them here where i love and i cant wait to read it #this is how i cope. instead of art i write my stupid thoughts down like it was some fanfic #but at least i didnt talk to myself about it for hours

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wh1zz3rbr0wn · 1 year

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me ranting on the marvin triolgy i unironically love the marvin trilogy so much?? in trousers makes no sense. esp the end song/ begginning depends on what like version ur listening too. i heard this theory that in trousers is actually marvin being hypnotised by mendle in therapy and it would make sense!! like it'd explain the inaccuracies between it and falsettos. Like Trina having two kids, as mentioned in your lips and me, 'the oldest drink wine the baby's wailing', while in falsettos Jason is the only child known. And in you gotta die sometime when whizzer says i dont smoke but in whizzer going down marvin says 'he takes me in his arms and he lights *another* cigarette.' Then i love how they re used im breaking down from in trousers and using it in the 2016 revival of it. imo it fits better in falsettos because you go more in depth about both trina and whizzer charaters. In trousers musicals actually is so bloody good??? like every song is great, my favourite song is marvin's giddy seizures. It highlights marvin's suicidal attempts and how it doesn't get noticed unless he acts out., then the whole thing just sounds so good. i wish the lesbians got more screen time though because theyre so radicial. every scene they're in they just light the stage up. I love how all the charaters are wrote. I would like to know if in high school ladies at 5 o'clock/ the r--e of mrs goldurg. are we meant to take that literally? im assuming we are because marvin says something along the lines of for my 14th birthday i was hoping you could show me the wonders of the bed. i think we would be, and if we are what the fuck? like i know marvin is an incredibly abusive person before about time but jesus christ. i didnt expect that. now i do adore that marvin's abusive behaviours are acknowledged and reprimanded unlike another musical that attempts to do something alike to falsettos, rent, where all characters have abusive behaviours. i wont dwell on the failures of rent too much because this isn't about rent. I have saw that 2004 college production amd i find it hilarious that in the thrill of first love that marvin drops whizzer, i hope that was scripted because that seems like such a Marvin behaviour. at the same time it would also be funny if it wasnt. either way i like it. anyway in marvin at the physiatrist, in the og off brodway cast, mendle says its queer mr marvin which is so funny to me. on the topic of the og off brodway cast, i find it fun how chip zien played both marvin and mendle in in trousers and march of the falsettos/falsettoland. marvin in in trousers and mendle in MotF/falsettoland respectably. I genuinely adore everything about falsettos. the openeing number is such a good opening song, i dont think ive heard a better one. Then my father's a homo always makes me laugh and i just love how jason doesn't hate his father for being gay, its how his homosexuality tore the family apart. Then this had better come to a stop is such agood number. i love how in the og of brodway run of it the late again sounds like yapping. then the way that trina and whizzer sort of bond over marvin's abusive tendencies is heartbreaking. A tight knit family reprise is a great song again. then the chess game, marvin my guy you know you agreed to let whizzer win cmon now. i never wanted to love you is heartbreaking. and the games i play makes me violently sob. march of the falsettos made no sense to me until i realised that it was a song to remind you that acts of affection are NOT masculine at all. i honestly dont get why act one didnt end with i never wanted to love you, but father to son is heartwarming compared to the previous songs. i love the second act so much. marvin has done everything to change himself yet the love of his life is stripped away from him. it is like a reminder that due to his past actions he can never like fully be a good person. he changed. he did im not putting that down, but his actions can always haunt him.

#falsettos #in trousers #just ranting #long rant #rant #musicals #the marvin trilogy

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weirdraccoon · 10 months

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#9 please! <3

aahhh! didn't expect any haha. hope this is good. I worked on it since you asked and almost finished it on the bus on my way back home. it's kinda similar to this morning's adopted dark lord au post when i was feeling like shit, but i feel better now, a little less useless haha.

anyway, warning for emotional hurt?

also, I took liberties with the workings of a boggart, and there are spoilers for my fic that's a work in progress(?)

Mc is my Slytherin MC, I used her name

9. MC is about to face a boggart in Defense Against the Dark Arts. Write what happens when their attempt at the banishing spell doesn't work.

What you fear

Ishbel had witnessed a lot in her seventeen years. As such, she knew fear and also survival. She didn’t pretend to be a brave Gryffindor but she didn’t have a particular fear either. Not like Puffskein Dunkein or Mr. Moon who knew what they were afraid of and could easily name it and avoid it.

That was the main reason she was curious about the boggart lesson.

She spent the first half of the class wondering what she was most afraid of.

Spiders? Nah. Death? Not really. Her boyfriends’ lifeless bodies? Hum.

While that could be heartbreaking and traumatic and probably triggering her to wholly turn dark, she didn’t think the boggart would pick that particular image.

And if it did, she wouldn’t be responsible for what she did to the creature.

Professor Hecat made them wait outside the classroom, claiming it to be a difficult lesson already, “there’s no need for an audience while facing your fears”. So, Ishbel, Sebastian, and Ominis rushed to sit on the sofa nearest to the classroom, laughing when Garreth and Leander fought for the couch on the other side.

Of the three of them, Ominis was first, and he came out with a troubled expression. Both his partners let out a sigh of relief when he said:

"I did it."

Sebastian kissed him, ignoring the catcalls from some of their classmates.

"I knew you would."

Ishbel grinned. She wouldn't prod, of course, and she was relieved that whatever Ominis saw he was able to repel.

Next was Sebastian, who also came out looking like he couldn't decide if he should grin at his accomplishment or be grim about whatever he saw.

"Guess neither of us knew what to expect?" Ominis asked.

"Not everyone's fear is as simple as a puffskein," Sebastian agreed. "Good luck, gorgeous."

Ishbel rolled her eyes at her extrovert boyfriend and squeezed the other's hand.

She walked into the classroom with unusual nerves. She felt anxious and couldn't yet imagine what she'd see.

How was she supposed to prepare a hilarious image if she didn't know what was supposed to change?

"Ready?" Professor Hecat asked with an encouraging smile. "No need to worry. I'll be here the whole time in case it goes wrong."

"Did any of the others fail yet?"

"Don't think about the others," Professor Hecat waved her off but also offered a small smile. "Between us, Mr. Hobhouse failed, and Mr. Prewett had to step back for a moment."

Ishbel winced.

"I'm ready," she breathed.

Professor Hecat flicked her wand, opening the wardrobe in the middle of the classroom.

Nothing stepped out.

Professor Hecat frowned, confused, but stayed where she was, out of the boggart's way, near enough to examine and interfere if needed.

"What a disappointment," a voice said from the wardrobe. "Is this what you have become? Is this what that school turned you into? You'd be much better if you'd stay with me."

Ishbel tensed. She knew that voice. She often had dreams- nightmares about the owner of that voice.

"Father," she whispered.

Was he her worst fear? Really?

Well, she could agree with one thing: what a disappointment.

However, out of the wardrobe didn't come her father. The boggart, probably sensing it wasn't having the expected reaction, changed before finally stepping out.

She stepped out.

Or a version of herself, one that wore her father's old colors and a twisted smile instead of her usual teasing smirk.

Ishbel knew, theoretically, that boggarts could read the mind. Kind of. That's how they knew your worst fear. However, she often forgot that boggarts could also plant things in your mind. Sounds. Fake memories.

Especially if the victim was weak, or weakened enough by what they showed at the beginning.

Ishbel, taken back, let herself open to a mental attack.

Her mind was full of images of blood and torture and her ancient magic causing death and destruction. She saw herself standing next to the man that practically kidnapped her and trained her as his weapon. She saw Ominis and Sebastian hating her because she was evil and dark and tainted and she didn't care because all she needed was her father and her father wanted the world and power and she'd give it to him no matter what.

“You disappoint everyone who knows you. What would Professor Fig say? He died knowing you made the wrong decision. He expected better of you. And you let him down. You let everyone down. Including yourself.”

"Ishbel!" Professor Hecat pushed her behind her, and Ishbel blinked, coming out of the trance she was in, still hearing the echo of her own voice.

She noticed her nose was bleeding and the boggart was now a silly puppet with strings in place of arms.

Professor Hecat was watching her carefully.

"That was… unusual," she observed. "Seems like this boggart was holding back with your classmates. Why it acted like that with you, I don't know."

Ishbel knew. Ishbel knew that ever since she took it for herself, creatures, artifacts and even some spells had a weird effect on her. The magic was calling them. Tempting them to bond and take and become one with the energy they were essentially made of.

"Go," Professor Hecat nodded to the door. "I'll find another way to grade you. Or maybe you could try again later? Come see me when you're ready."

Ishbel nodded numbly and walked out of the room.

She ignored her boyfriends' calls, making her way to the Undercroft in silence.

"Ishbel, what-

Ominis interrupted Sebastian with an elbow to the ribs. He approached Ishbel slowly, his wand pulsing slower than usual as if calming her.

"What do you need?" Ominis asked softly.

Sebastian, still rubbing his ribs, stood next to Ominis, waiting for her instructions with an impatient air around him.

Ishbel kept silent, enjoying the sight of her serene boyfriend next to her energetic boyfriend. They were so very different but also so much alike.

And they loved her.

Didn't they?

"Just," she spoke and flinched at hearing how her voice cracked. "Hold me."

Sebastian jumped to action as soon as the words left her mouth. In a blink, she found herself on the sofa she transfigured a year before. Sebastian pulled her onto his lap and wrapped his arms around her body, making her practically lay on his chest.

Ominis sighed before following at a slower pace. He sat next to them, taking one of her hands in his and kissing her knuckles and her fingers.

“I don’t know what happened in there,” he said suddenly, voice calm and reassuring. “What you saw. But just know that I am very proud of you.”

Her breath hitched, and Sebastian tightened his hold around her.

“You’re incredible, darling,” Sebastian whispered. “You make us both proud.”

Ishbel let a couple of tears fall, burying her face in Sebastian’s shirt. She tried to tell herself that the boggart lied. That it was simply doing what it did best. That it showed her fear and not reality.

But its voice- her voice was still echoing inside her mind, calling her worthless.

#hogwarts legacy #hogwarts legacy fanfic #hogwarts legacy mc #hogwarts legacy oc #ominis gaunt #sebastian sallow #sebastian sallow x mc x ominis gaunt #emotional hurt/comfort #sadder than planned #i like torturing the characters #psychological torture?

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mocacheezy · 1 year

Text

Moca watches: TF Earthspark

🚗 🚗 🚗 🚗 🚗 🚗 🚗 🚗 🚗 🚗 🚗 🚗 🚗 🚗 🚗

(ep. 11 -14)

Ep. 11 - Hashtag: Oops

Hashtag pointing out that the barn is the only spot that has WiFi before running after Twitch made me chuckle. Nice to see the problems from the first first episode with Robby remains the same XD

Once again FOOD IN THE VEHICLE

I love the way the root mode changes, she looks so pretty!

The memes. *WHEEZE* ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US, the HACKER VOICE I AM LAUGHING, SHE IS GREAT

NIGHTSHADE SWEETIE 😭 They did great they are so awesome just *screams*

The size difference between big sis Twitch, big bro Thrash and the other Terrans is just so cute and cool. Twitch is barely the size of Hashtag's torso 😭

I also expected Dot to freak out more over the altmode.

Also WHAT THE FUCK?!?! IS THAT STARSCREAM?! IS IT SOUNDWAVE?!?! Do these G.H.O.S.T. bitches not keep track over who got detained?!

I am pretty sure there would be BIG CAUSE FOR ALARM IF THEY SUDDENLY HAVE STARSCREAM JAILED WHEN THERE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SOUNDWAVE THERE

I am just really fucking confused like WHAT IS THIS?!?!????

Ep. 12 - Outtakes

The amount of second hand embarrasment. Camera footage is hell and I stand by that.

Also Jawbreaker is... So cute and so dense and just wants a straightforward answer

Still tho he didn't have to insult Bee like that (even if he didn't mean to). His social skills will require some work

I appreciate Hashtag's enhusiasm but the second hand embarrasment for Jawbreaker is killing me

Also I am p sure that camera is either getting broken by Megs, or Elita and he will escort these two back home.

Also Optimus avoiding cleaning duty is just hilarious and I love it

"EXCUSE ME? RESPECTED ELI-" NO I CANNOT LISTEN I CANNOT WATCH THIS I AM NOT GOING TO SURVIVE THIS, POOR JAWBREAKER

WE GET TO HEAR HOW MEGS GOT HIS ALTMODE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Were it not for the fact it would make him sad I would die for Jawbreaker.

Elita-1 had workout routines that are too intense for Optimus. I fucking love this.

T-Cog 101 : CLASSIFIED

"When I feel it in my spark you'll be the first to know"

I swear this show gieves me the warm fuzzies, like there really isn't a need to choose something right away. It's just such a nice message

Ep. 13 - Missed Connection

Nightshade is a mad scientist in making

YO TARANTULASSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Very different interaction than what I expected but honestly? I like it. I'm all here for Dad 2.0 Wheeljack and Science Uncle Tarantulas

ALSO NIGHTSHADE HAS AN ALTMODE NOW AND IT LOOKS SO COOL AAAAAAA

I also really adore the way Tarantulas is animated. His mouthpiece especially, and just movement in general is so cool

I ALSO adored the fact that I was waiting for a betrayal but there was none!

There was no "You foolish protoform I used you for my gain!". Nope, this spider is just tired and wants to live a different life. And he enjoys Nightshade's company and wants to protect them.

And he does end up protecting all of them!

Again, I did not expect this at all, but I enjoyed it immensly

Ep. 14 - Security Protocols

Twitch is so, so worried it breaks my heart

Breakdown and Bee were buddies

Breakdown SACRIFICED HIMSELF SO BEE COULD ESCAPE AND GO INTO HIDING

Also the two of them are like bros, like siblings and BREAKDOWN DID-

Goth dammit THE GUY WAS ON SCREEN FOR ONLY A FEW MOMENTS AND YET I HAVE SO MANY FEELS

And the reaction of the Malto family is just heartbreaking

#moca screeches #moca watches #transformers earthspark #earthspark spoilers #tfe spoilers #this show is so good I love it #continuing it tommorow though because NOPE not binging this time!

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skel-skell · 2 years

Text

ep of 4 of interview with a vampire was beautifully heartbreaking.

SPOILERS AHEAD —>

let’s start with one thing…. we have an unreliable narrator.

louis’s recollection is something that needs is one separate analysis so bare with me.

let’s talk about the gist of this episode:

lestat’s promiscuity is a retaliation to louis’ moral compass. louis goes — “enjoy yourself. it’s the purpose of living,” after lestat begins to fool around the with singer. we should also consider how reminiscent louis’ words are to lestat who implied the same thing at the start of the episode “i made you so you could enjoy yourself.” but here, louis isnt enjoying himself (but we also know lestat isn’t either). they can never meet in the middle these two. of course, lestat was not going to be a hundred percent forthcoming to louis’ abstinence of human blood but louis at least was under the assumption that lestat would somewhat accept his wishes because lestat loves him. but we know lestat and we know that was never going to work.

we watch and we know that these despite their love, louis and lestat are polar opposites and each choice they make upsets the other. in response to these choices, they lash out and loathe each other but they also pine for each other, hence why they keep coming back for more.

moving in, it’s ridiculous the way louis and lestat make each other jealous.

they know they belong to one another but once again, we see every time they are about act on something terrible that they know will hurt the other, they always look at each other. i think what really makes their relationship is that sense of rebellion between them which goes back to these conflicting differences they have. for example, lestat, in fewer words, implied he liked pussy and in turn, told louis as i long as he got some, louis could do what he pleases with other males. louis takes him on this offer and yet, they both become angry with each other. they have this obsession to piss each other off as if when they reunite again, they’re relationship will become stronger.

ALSO, LESTAT IS SO JEALOUS, IT’S HILARIOUS.

he saw that louis had a little fun with an old flame, an old lover, and immediately his response is that he’s done with the singer and that what transpired between her and him meant nothing, his word, “tedious”. it’s as if he doesn’t want anybody to have louis which kinda goes back to that sense of ownership he has over him. lestat made louis and he believes louis belongs to him, his promiscuity belongs to him, his heart, his lust, everything. to watch louis give away that worship that he promised lestat in that church, that companionship, that devotion, is crushing. it hurts him even though he allowed it to be. he pines for louis and his differences, though annoying, he’d rather it and him than nothing at all; that’s why he follows him into the woods and listens to louis fornicate with jonah.

lestat also does not like being on the back burner when it comes to his lover. lestat loves to be the center of attention whether it be good or bad. we see this when asks louis to have a night out to which louis responds that he’s going to see his family. the camera pans for split second on lestat’s face and the subtle shift of his jaw right before he grits softly, “fine.” we know lestat is envious, ANGRY that he’s not being worshipped, not in the way he was in episode 1. and lestat pretends everything is fine only to retaliate and bring a bunch of army boys so louis can fuck since he has a type. we see lestat’s jealousy and his pettiness. most importantly, we see his regretfulness. and instead of apologizing, he antagonizes louis. he projects his problems negatively though he claims louis and him have such “good communication”.

by the end of the ep, their relationship is failing miserably.

it’s not sustainable.

……enter claudia.

#louis de pointe du lac #amc interview with the vampire #amctv #amcplus #interview with the vampire #iwtv cast #iwtv #iwtv 2022 #lestat de lioncourt #sam reid #jacob anderson #itwv amc

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epickiya722 · 2 years

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REACTIONS TO EPISODE 3 - ONE'S JUSTICE (... like the game?!)

That is a joke, folks. If I get "This chapter came before the game" or some other stupid reply I'm deleting it and blocking you. It is a JOKE.

Still salty from... nevermind...

You all know the drill, my reactions are genuine and played for laughs! Don't take them too seriously. Some of you need to be told this for anything, honestly.

Before we get into the episode, folks!

Look, I am aware that because of what happened some people hate Hawks and love Twice, and vice versa. Personally, I'm pretty neutral on the situation for the fact that it can be interpreted in many different ways so therefore I'm 🤷🏿‍♀️. I don't hate either character.

With that, it's been MONTHS since I got any message in my inbox of any hero or villain slander and I would love to keep it that way.

I already made a post about how I think it's very stupid that people have to choose sides because others insist they do. If you like Hawks, you like Hawks. If you like Twice, you like Twice. Let it be.

Harassing people over who their favorite character is because you hate the character is by far one of the stupidest, most pathetic thing you can do in this fandom and in other fandoms. Just don't interact with that person and call it a day!

LAST EPISODE'S REACTIONS!

NOW TO THE REACTIONS!!

I won't lie, I wasn't expecting a recap again but I'm glad they replayed that scene when Eraser Head tripped the Doctor.

Intro a banger as always!

When Re-Destro stressed out! 🤣 Man's went from 🙂 to 😠 and the delivery was *chef's kiss*. HILARIOUS!

Edgeshot coming in with the killer move. "Move, you die. Try me, bitch." Okay, he didn't say that. Still though! I love Edgeshot.

"It's called Electrification?" What if Kaminari called it something else?! Huh?! Like Wattz?!

I forgot how acrobatic Midnight is... GO, QUEEN!! THAT FLIP!

If Curious hadn't died, I'm sure an interview between her and Midnight would be a fun one.

"Stay still and have a nice nap." Again, GO, QUEEN! Second, Midnight really out here "Take your ass to sleep" on people when you think about it! XD

KAMUI WOODS!!!

YES, MUDMAN REPRESENT 1B!!! REPRESENT!!

SHEMAGE, YES!! CLASS 1B, REPRESENT!!!

For anyone new, yes, I love 1B just as much as I love 1A.

*Shows Twice and Hawks* Hello Darkness my old friend...

Skeptic grinding his teeth was funny to me. He's like so irritated. Drop your hair care routine, my guy.

Twice was so scared and Hawks looks like an absolute menace! *shivers*

You know what, I love Twice, I do. But Hawks had a point about his quirk. If the cards were played right in the villains' hands sooner, Japan could have already be in absolute chaos. Luckily, Twice's clones are actually easy to wipe out with large attacks and well, Twice is Twice. Seriously, how can you hate the guy?

Just saying, even though Hawks looks downright scary... that shot of him staring out through the darkness has meme potential.

I cried a little when Twice started to break down. HE CARES FOR HIS FRIENDS! HE CARES!! He blames himself for the Overhaul deal, and not once have I recalled the others in the LOV actually blame him which is so heartwarming and heartbreaking.

He thought it would be too sad had he not been welcoming to Hawks.

"You were just unlucky." Well, DAMN!

That's the thing with these characters. No character is really too good or too bad. Some of the villains show "heroic" traits. Some of the heroes show "villainous" traits. That's why I say we shouldn't have to choose which side we're on because it's not all black and white.

"You're a good person." Oooh, and there goes my feels. 😭😭😭

Okay, thanks to the Hawks and Twice scene, I had whiplash when it went to the other heroes because uh... what the hell is that??

VAST HYBRID: CHIMERA CENTAUR!!! LET'S GO, SUNEATER!!! YOU'RE DOING GREAT, SWEETIE!

"So cool! Say it again!" "Leave me alone!" Oh, Suneater!... relatable...

DARK SHADOW!!

FATAXI! I love how Tokoyami is just sitting there. Tiny little guy. Like even compared to his classmates, he's short.

"I'll become an even stronger hero." Yes. I believe in you, my goth bird son!

Oh! Twice got a half time cut title card! First villain, too, for this season! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

Oooh... nope, nope, nope. I refuse to cry. I refuse... and the tears are coming... 😭😭😭

"... to protect everyone's happiness!" DAMN IT!! HOW CAN YOU NOT CARE A LITTLE?! HE JUST WANTS HAPPINESS!! HE WANTS HIS FRIENDS TO HAVE HAPPINESS!! THIS IS SO FUCKING UNFAIR!

"Twice, you did nothing wrong." See? Dabi cares!!!

Okay, the whole Dabi & Twice vs Hawks scene, still in my feels! So intense! That blue is BEAUTIFUL!

BUT! How did Dabi know his name... probably did his own research, I don't recall. Maybe Skeptic with his nosy ass.

As sad as that scene is... that poo line got a chuckle out of me. I forgot about that line!

Toga's reaction is just... I just got up. I need to lay back down.

WOW!! They made basically a tribute to Twice in the ending song! Anybody else notice?!

Overall Opinion? MY FEELINGS ARE HURT!! I'M CRYING, YOU'RE CRYING, WE'RE ALL CRYING!! COMPOSED THE MUSIC FOR THIS EPISODE DESERVES AN AWARD, DAMN IT!!! THE POWER IN THAT MUSIC! CLAP IT UP FOR THE CAST AND ANIMATORS! Seriously, can we appreciate them at least?!

As much as people complain about BONES, same energy should go into at least complimenting the creative team. Like Twice's VA, Daichi Endou, fabulous performance! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

Excited to see what more goes down in the next episode!! "INHERITANCE" LET'S GOOOO!!!

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bookaddict24-7 · 10 months

Photo

REVIEWS OF THE WEEK!

Books I’ve read so far in 2023!

Friend me on Goodreads here to follow my more up to date reading journey for the year!

___

58. I Dare You by Ilsa Madden-Mills--⭐️⭐️⭐️

I have a confession to make: I had to read the synopsis to remember what this book was about. LOL. This was quick and cute. I liked the mystery aspect of her not knowing who it was that was texting her, even though it was very obvious. That's all I'm going to say about that because honestly...I forget most of the rest that isn't a spoiler. I remember the major spoiler. But to be honest, I started reading the sequel today and I couldn't even remember some of the major plot points that were brought up in the second book. Oops. This book was a blur. I blame my craving for a sports romance.

___

59. Under Locke by Mariana Zapata--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

He was my boss, my brother’s friend, a Widower, an ex-felon, and a man I’d seen casually with a handful of women. But he was everything that gripped me, both the good and the bad. Worst case scenario if things turned awkward between us, I could go somewhere else. I’d gotten over epic heartbreak before, one more wouldn’t kill me. After moving to Austin following six months of unemployment back home, Iris Taylor knows she should be glad to have landed a job so quickly... even if the business is owned by a member of the same motorcycle club her estranged father used to belong to. Except Dex Locke might just be the biggest jerk she’s ever met. He’s rude, impatient and doesn’t know how to tell time. And the last thing they ever expected was each other. But it was either the strip club or the tattoo shop. … she should have chosen the strip club.

___

60. Dead Until Dark by Charlaine Harris--⭐️⭐️⭐️

Re-read May 2023: My friends and I are doing a re-read of this series (and maybe I'll actually finish reading this series.) The re-read of the first book went as expected: hilariously dated and Sookie's sass will always be memorable. Don't even get me started on Bill's "sOoKiE". I dare you to read that in a regular voice LOL. Will hopefully continue this re-read!

___

61. All Rhodes Lead Here by Mariana Zapata--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Okay, pretty sure this is my new favourite Zapata book (only potentially second to THE WALL OF WINNIPEG AND ME, simply because of nostalgia's sake.) Have I mentioned, ever, how much I love slow burns? How about Zapata's signature gift of giving us the swooniest and grumpiest romance stories of all time? Well, let me tell you--I'm the biggest slut for her writing because It. Is. So. Good. and addicting. Rhodes is a grumpy and older single dad living in a tiny mountainous town who is very reluctant to rent his garage apartment to the protagonist. The level of distrust that he has for our MC is, of course, something key in Zapata books. But what I love about these love interests (which I have discussed in detail with my friends) is how we watch them slowly melt. We watch them go from the coldest bastards in town to the meltiest of cinnamon rolls and I LOVE IT. This was one of those books that made me want the story to never end. I loved the MC's relationship with the LI's son and the complex relationship between everyone. I have a soft spot for an MC who is restarting her life in a place where people, especially the LI, underestimates her. This book gave me that, but it also gave me the most coziest of reads. I loved everything about it. This was classic Zapata and I was such a sucker for it. If you like slow burns, grumpy older men, and an MC who is determined to live her best life, then I think you might like this one. In any case, I think Zapata should be on every romance reader's TBR!

___

62. The Best Thing by Mariana Zapata--⭐️⭐️⭐️.5

I'm usually going to love Zapata books--even if this one wasn't a favourite. I loved the trope of the secret baby and the sexy and rugged rugby-playing love interest. I played rugby in high school, so I definitely had some flashbacks while I read this, LOL. Okay, so like I said, I loved the trope of the secret baby since I'm one of those heathens who enjoys a good surprise pregnancy tropes. But I wasn't a huge fan of how Zapata spent more than one chapter leading us into the reveal (also, this is not a spoiler because if you look up this trope, it literally is one of the first books recommended). I think if I had gone into this without knowing that not-so-secret twist, I would have liked that stretching out of suspense a bit more. But let's be honest: I would have probably guessed it, anyway. Remember--I'm a heathen. THE BEST THING felt very different from Zapata's other romance novels--maybe because this felt more like Mariana Zapate Lite™️. There wasn't a slow burn romance, the MC was different enough to give the whole narrative a different feel, and the main trope was a second chance romance. I'm one of those people who will never complain that Zapata's novels feel "formulaic" because, please, give me all of it. Formula away, baby! But I think these changes in the status quo when it comes to Zapata's type of books made this stand out a lot. This isn't a bad thing, it's just different. As a result, the story was enjoyable and it had cute moments, but it just...didn't feel like a Zapata book. For me, it kind of lacked that certain spark that makes me swoon over the love interest (even though he was very sweet). It felt like she forgave him so quickly and then suddenly, he was just there? We get an explanation, but I don't know if someone who proclaims to be feisty would really forgive so easily. Must be the Taurus in me. This wasn't a favourite, but knowing me, I'll read this in five years and declare past me "wildly blind" for not realizing the magnificence of this story.

___

63. Luna & the Lie by Mariana Zapata--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.5

Re-read in May 2023: Listen, this is apparently my Zapata month. Ugh, before I even put this in as a re-read, I got all giddy thinking about this gruff older love interest. I've definitely reached that point in my life where I extra appreciate those older men with the grey streaks in their hair. Yum. I loved that Luna is one of those women who has fought really hard for everything she has and who finally let's someone in to share her burdens with her. Even if its this tatted up older man who sounds so...ugh...on the audiobook when he says "Remember me?" Excuse me while I go fan myself. Go, Luna, girl. Get your man.

___

Have you read any of these books? Let me know your thoughts!

___

Happy reading!

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dr-lizortecho · 1 year

Note

In the grand scheme of things, I think I figured out how to make Tyler Lockwood a Mexican of Color without doing too much hurt in canon:

Carol Lockwood isn't his biological mother.

It's the age-old stereotypical trope of the rich guy sleeping with the maid. She's Mexican (possibly an immigrant), needs a job, had a tryst with Richard Lockwood, got pregnant, and when she told him it was either: get money and go away or let him adopt the baby.

It doesn't change the significance of Tyler and Carol's relationship (look at Elena's love for Miranda). It would be another parallel between the Lockwoods and Gilberts. It just means there's another woman out there who is technically Tyler's family that is either dead or (knowing Tyler's mindset) left alone for her safety.

yeah, this could hypothetically work. However, personally it’s not something I’m worried about twisting canon for, because Michael Trevino auditioned for and was cast as a white character.

Though the very little we know about Richard Lockwood would support him as the kind to cheat, I mean, he was the kind of father who delivered the news to his son that the sister of his best friend’s body was uncovered while sounding annoyed and not giving him a moment to process the information. The only slack I cut him in this arena is he was probably completely unaware that Tyler and Vickie had a “romantic” connection, and deeper feelings would be arising.

The only thing I’d argue doesn’t fully match up, is Carol. Because in the start of the series she’s not a nice person, she views people as below her. Referring to the Donovan’s as trash. Something I am sure would run deep in her feelings about any woman Richard could have cheated with (also, multiple women faking pregnancies in the same town and same year is hilarious, and exactly on brand 🤣). So yes, Carol would grow to love Tyler and not view him as trash because he had Lockwood blood (and one could argue her feelings on the Donovan’s as trash could have been solidified by Richard cheating). However, I’d believe her and Tyler’s relationship would have been more rocky and stilted to begin with, not the steady and clinging thing that came pre-built into the series (I mean abuse victims tend to have strange attachment styles, but theirs were heartbreaking)

#sorry this took so long #I’m like sooooo exhausted from the Holidays #tvd #the vampire diaries #Tyler Lockwood #Carol Lockwood #Richard ‘Duck’ Lockwood #also wouldn’t it be angsty if Jer calling Tyler Dick originated as a joke about his dad?

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asleepandawake · 2 years

Text

6.03.2022 - 4:50 PM [AWAKE]

I woke up early today with no dreams to remember. My new FWB stayed up with me until the sun arose, and as we tried to fall asleep, the noise in the world outside my room kept me from falling into a deep sleep. I can't recall if anything we talked about last night was of any importance, but it was what I would call a "nice distraction." Sex, talk, T.V. on in the background, snacking... distraction. She's very nice and kind. I feel horrendous though, as my friend Stephen told me that this girl reminds him of my ex. I didn't see it at first, but I guess after that statement I can.

"I'm not saying you're looking for your ex in her, but she seems familiar to you, and I guess that's good. Just know I saw how you acted when your ex did what she did. So, I don't know." That's what he told me.

Am I trying to replace my ex-partner? With someone else similar? I don't know. But distraction is nice. I'll take it.

When I woke up, my FWB had to leave. Something about dog sitting, she said. The loneliness settled back in quickly and I decided it was time for a drink early in the afternoon, so I banged my fists against my roommates door and woke her up and forced her to come out with me.

There's a lot of bars in this town, but only a few I like. My favorite is the bar I work at. As we arrive, I see my ex-partners car parked close to the entrance. I know she's inside and I can't face her. I should be the better person, put on a smiling face, show that nothing's wrong, have a facade of "I'm doing okay." But I can't. If I see my ex-partner I know it won't end well for either of us. My roommate and I head out to a different bar with my tail between my legs. I am ashamed.

The new bar is completely empty in the early afternoon. One bartender and just the two of us, my roommate and myself. All of the screens we can see are playing '90s Disney Cartoons, which I find hilariously fitting for me as I feel like a child in this moment, running from my problems. My roommate and I take two shots of whiskey back to back. I order a beer, which I never do. I think I'm looking for change in the small things. I'm not sure I'm a fan of Coors Lite, but it's not terrible. Plus, it's cheap, and I am broke after the breakup.

My roommate gets a phone call from a family member and disappears outside for several minutes. It is not good news. It is something more devastating than what I am going through. Heartbreak and heartache aren't always caused by a partner in your life. Heartbreak and heartache comes in many forms. When my roommate returns to her seat, I can see the heartache in her eyes. We are now both in a state of complete devestation we cannot avoid or hide. We take two more shots. We both begin to cry, silently, seperately, and together.

I am thinking of my ex-partner. I wish she could see me crying in the same way that some people wish they could attend their own funeral. I want her to see me without her knowing that I know. How complicated, this emotion is. How selfish, this emotion is.

I turned to my roommate at this exact moment and felt even more selfish. I buy us both one more shot and we go home. We now live in a house of grief.

#awake entry #awake #diary #journal #story #writing #write #diary entry #personal #me #mine #true #romance #breakup #breakups #emotional #drinking #heartbreak #heartache

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