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kamil-a · 2 years

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GOWLANTHROPOLOGY, or “Winning At Gender”

DISCLAIMERS BEFORE WE START-

-i am not finished his route yet. this isnt a roundup of the character/route, this is mid-route impressions only.

-theres a lot of other things i could wander off to talking about but im trying really hard to limit my scope to one thing, for time and effort and brain capability and coherence’s sake.

first of all i want to establish something that anyone who even briefly interacts with this game probably knows very well. Im going to try to keep this to canon facts as much as possible without interpretation:

Alice is constantly comparing herself to the "perfect" (her word!) women that are her mother and sister.

both of these women are dead.

while she isnt able to access the knowledge that Lorina is dead, currently, she does openly talk with nightmare about how grief affects the way you talk about a person- only the good parts remain in your sight, theyre not there to offer their opinion anymore, etc.

okay, we're letting “my opinions” back in the room now!

so we see that, within the worldview of hnkna, the perfect woman is a dead woman. the “perfect” status that alice wants to achieve is impossible for her so long as she is alive because the perfect woman comes to exist at all by being eulogized.

“okay but kam we know this. where are you going with it. where are you gowling with it, even.”

lets get this down to a thesis statement. I tried really hard to make the text here blue, in honor of umineko, but it was destroying my other blockquotes etc that i put for ease of reading, so please just imagine that the bold text is blue (like in the umineko manga, i guess):

gowland badly wants to "win at being man" the same way alice badly wants to "win at being girl". however, while winning at girl is, within the worldview of this work, impossible, winning at man IS POSSIBLE within the worldview of the work and in fact we see other characters do it all the time.

as a product that needs to sell copies, winning at man HAS to be possible because this is a dating sim with a target audience of not just straight women but straight women who want a particular set of tropes to be in play. i’m not saying this as a value judgement just an observation- this game was made to appeal to a particular audience!

So as the route goes on, gowland keeps asking alice to affirm him on two things- first, if she can become "aware of him as a man". second, if she can "be wary around him" the way she can be "wary" of other men she knows.

brief interlude- until the game says it outright i am going to assume that the WRITERS think he is cis. EDIT: he is, in fact, cis, as ive been informed. but for a character who

1. (im not sure yet if he actively did this in game or if it was a writing decision that just goes unquestioned, but it IS changed) changed his role name from something female-gendered (duchess) to male-gendered (marquis), and

b. has a girls' first name he explicitly hates being called by ( because of the pun it makes with his last name, but still),

i headcanon that he is a trans man. and i think that this adds some more really interesting layers.

okay. back to masculinity.

lilich: gowland your GENDER lilich: babe does this horsie make me look masc lilich: i get the PLEASE GENDER AFFIRM ME BY DATING ME thing but you gotta do that when youre like, 16, and not a whole adult,

Alice repeatedly says that as she gets to know him he becomes someone he can “relax” around, someone who makes her feel peaceful and who she can talk to or not talk to about deep stuff as she wishes without pressure. and this makes him really depressed! and it’s something she tries to placate him about over the course of the route (YES babe the horsie DOES make you look masc, etc)

GOWLAND: “... Even this doesn’t make you wary of me?”

GOWLAND: “So even if I do this, you’re not aware of me...”

ALICE: (thinking) He hangs his head and I hurry to reassure him. When Gowland gets depressed, I somehow get incredibly flustered.

even when he suddenly kisses her, she says it made her feel "startled", but it didn’t make him seem like a dangerous or threatening presence to her. Shouldn’t this be good? Shouldn’t it be desireable if your crush feels relaxed in your presence, responds without fear to you kissing them? But...

GOWLAND: “As a man... For you to be so relaxed with me in this situation is difficult, so...”

this goes in circles until they get into a real fight about this where he says in return some things that make alice feel truly bad and he has to apologize for saying!

(That she’s a cold person, that he thinks she must’ve been a player back home- MUCH to unpack here but this is the gowland essay and we mustn’t wander too far or we’ll be here forever.)

but it becomes an issue in the first place because, as he keeps saying, over and over, this isnt the kind of thing "a man" wants to hear. I’m going to quote some fellow scholars (friends who watched me stream), now.

lilich: like i think there are ways to do it that would be really interesting to me lilich: but by the nature of this game its treated as like lilich: very normal and right that a man would feel this way lilich: which is not really great to me lilich: BUT ALSO SOME OF IT IS VERY FUNNY

lilich: my issue is not that hes trying to win at man or that he comes off as aggressive especially since he explicitly fails at being aggressive...my issue is that the wider narrative is like, yeah this is totally normal

skitazzu: I guess he wants to make her nervous like in the "I like you way" but it comes off aggressive skitazzu: and creepy

But now we have to ask, WHY is this masculinity within this setting? Why is this, specifically, what a perfect man is?

for easiness’ sake, i’m going to quote/paraphrase myself from yesterday-

the culture of man in this park is different from what he’s trying to be. the culture of man in this park is a HYUU HYUU guy*. we have seen this for ourselves with our very own eyes and ears, that a man in this culture, this territory, this country, is a HYUU HYUU guy.

He might be masculine when compared to the men where he lives, but not when compared to other roleholders.

*we see a scene with the local faceless guys and girls and theyre all full of pep and energy and have 24/7 customer service voices just as a local accent even when not at work and this guy goes HYUUUU HYUUUUUU and its a really hysterical bit of voice acting

for example, his behavior brought up a connection for a friend-scholar:

skitazzu: YOU KNOW WHAT skitazzu: IT GIVES ME skitazzu: TRYING TO BE LIKE ACE skitazzu: BUT he can never be ace

So this “wariness/awareness” he’s trying to reach is a standard not of being a man in the Amusement Park Territory. He wants to be a man in the style of (to look at the game level) roleholder men or (to look at the wider view) dating sim love interest men.

(i think looking at how vivaldi fits in as a love interest and roleholder woman who is treated differently by the game but still given moments of romantic aggression could be VERY interesting, but again, not the point of this essay. MOVING ON!)

august 12, 2022 edit - it’s been weighing on me for some time now that i quoted something that is Extremely Not About Silly Little Videogames for my silly little videogame essay. regardless of the association in my brain it seemed inappropriate to me and i’m deleting it.)

okay, now i’m going to quote a friend-scholar again. this blew my brain RIGHT open. i have nothing to add it says it all for itself.

EccentricIsopod: i think his angle is interesting within the context of this wonderland, where violence is so ubiquitous, physical power is kind of irrelevant, so winning at man leaves, interpersonal power or fear i guess, which as we've been saying, is a weird angle

and other love interests DO have alice being “wary”. other routes she could take DO include that element of romantic/sexual aggression, fear, jealousy (as a normal and expected emotion born of Being A Man With A Crush) and feeling of ownership to her, etc.

And because this is the desired trope, they embody it so it can be in the story.

So I think I’ll leave it here for now- In this worldview, you CAN “win at man”, and many men (men-y, hahhaaha) do.

Thanks for reading all this!

commentary on the gowland post:

thanks to friend-scholar @venhediss for this information!

re: the "you aren't aware of me as a man" thing, i always read this as "man" having the built-in suggestion of "potential sexual partner" because of how naturalized the role of sexuality is to a man vis a vis a woman. you see this same phrase in other japanese media; i guess the english equivalent is, you know, friendzoning or "like a brother to me". that's what gowland is upset about, i would think, is that alice's lack of wariness around him shows that she doesn't consider him as a potential sexual partner (he's "like a friend" or, in this case, more likely "like a father", but not like a (sexually interested and interesting) man). if she did, she would be more conscious of the fact that he could potentially be perceiving her sexually, and she would be more cautious and more on guard.

it is obviously shitty and patriarchal and it's rooted in an understanding that women are wary about/guard their bodies against men who they perceive as potential sexual partners, because a potential sexual partner is also a sexual threat.

the HYU HYU guys and the other goofy faceless are probably goofy, from a meta standpoint, to keep them from ever reaching that level of being recognized as potential partners - they're desexualized and perhaps, consequentially, demasculinized, because those two things are intertwined.

like i have a reason for thinking this, i've seen this like. i think the phrase is "otoko to shite ishiki wo suru" or something similar.

like i literally just googled 男として意識 and the first page is "how to make the girl you like be conscious of you as a man: 9 methods"

So essentially i want to clear up that a lot of this is based on me reading it literally as a man (gender) , and not realizing the expression it actually means. But i hope there were still things here worth reading and good thoughts for you to digest!

#hnkna #thoughtful honking

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theclassicalpoetess · 2 years

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THE POETS GUIDE: Making your Routines more Poetic (Night edition)

Hello my dears,

We all know how important it is to have an amazing end to the day, as it is important as how we start today. Here are some ideas and inspiration for making your night routines a little more poetic for poets and writers everywhere, featuring yours truely.

・⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ ☁☽*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ☾☁ ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ ・

Write poetry about the night: whether that be of the Moon, the Stars, the Night, or how quiet it is. Or you can talk about darkness and the gloom of the Earth.

Study your favourite topics: If, like me, and like to write poetry based on specific topics, research about it. For example, I love ancient poetry, so I study PDFs and websites based on ancient poetry and the ancient poets. I also like to study religious poems so I would occupy my time in that too. However, it would be wise to expand your horizon alit through your study.

Wear long coats: If it is cold, and gives the more academia vibe too. I have got an lovely blue coat that I love to wear around. But sometimes, I love to have my cozy heater on to keep the room cozy.

Study an new language: Greek and Latin are my personal favourites. Im currently going on both (no stress at all).

Light candles and an incense: Just so your room is more cozy. Especially some scented candles. I love Vanilla and Jasmine scented candles. However, if you are asthmatic, use water based sprays (I have got one with lavender on which I like to spray now and again).

Listen to Classical music: Nothing gets me going like some good classical music at night (Light Academia by day, Dark Academia by night honestly).

Read some poetry: Im currently reading the fine John Keats. Make friends with an ancient poet and take inspiration for their worldview of poetry.

Romanticize your day: be grateful about what has happened within the past 24 hours. Admire all the positive occurrences within the day. I like to go by; When you are grateful, life gives you more things to be grateful for.

Read. Thats It. Thats the idea.

Look outside into the beautiful night: The sky gives us so much during the night. The beautiful stars, the luminous Moon, the singing crickets. Study, be present and grateful. Also for inspiration. The night is too lovely to be missed.

Watch an movie that inspires you to write poems: I just did a poem based on (one of my) favourite characters of Angels and Demons (2009) (LINK). As much as that was not usually my type of topics to go upon, His character gave me so much to talk about. Find a character or story that you relate too and write something about them.

Study a new form of poetry: I am currently learning with layouts. Whilst the night is young, learn about new ways of writing poetry and add your own sparkle to it.

(If you are religious) Sing worship to the Gods and read poems that you created: No matter who you worship, im pretty sure saying a poem to them is much of a reward as praying to them. Also, give gratitude to the God/Goddess/Spirit for these past 24hours, and the following days ahead.

Self Care: Always, always put yourself first. Skincare, drink plenty of water, you know what you have to do.

Journal/Diary: Since we poets are so emotional, let us understand ourselves further by writing about our day. Notice what emotions came today and see if that can inspire you to make poetry.

Say Goodnight to the Sky and the Moon before you go to bed: They are your companions in night. They would love for you to have a goodnight sleep.

・⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ ☁☽*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ☾☁ ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ ・

My Personal Night Routine

Here is my personal night routine for anyone looking for a nice and relaxing night in:

Do some self-care and skin care

Light a few candles

Read/Study/Write

Pray and give gratitude (might do some 5min meditation)

Get change in comfortable clothing

Read

Sleep

・⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ ☁☽*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ☾☁ ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ ・

Personal Note From Me:

Somedays, you feel like not living up to your routine. And thats Ok.

Forgive yourself every time and recognise that you are human. You are the master of your own mind and body. If both agree on not doing something, acknowledge it.

Everyday is a chance for you to do better the next day.

Also, we all experience creativity blocks, in which prevents us from writing. Thats Ok too. One day in a dry desert is another day closer to an oasis. Always allow your mind to rest.

Take care of yourselves.

-thepoeticpegasus

・⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ ☁☽*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ☾☁ ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ ・

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crash-cinematic-universe · 3 years

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tiger lilies, self destructing, and richard siken

pairing: peter maximoff/reader

summary: to peter maximoff, love is an anomaly that scares him more than anything else. however, you might be able to help him overcome his fear.

warnings: language! but that’s about it. kind of cheesy at some points but yknow what im not lactose intolerant

notes: this is the monsterous fic thats been kicking my ass this past week (6.2k words babey!!!) i was originally going to add ~~steamy~~ section to this one but i decided against it to make it readable for those who don’t wanna see that kind of stuff. if you want me to separately publish that then just lmk!! (if any of yall wanna talk about richard siken to me then please do, his work is so good)

taglist: @stranger-names , @gooseyhouse , @parkersdarling

To Peter Maximoff, physical affection has always been a touchy subject-- no pun intended. His speed is a blessing, but also a bitter curse. He moves at the speed of sound, bouncing off the walls and tearing up the roads; he moves impossibly fast, and no one ever tries to catch up with him. People get tired of Peter rather quickly, not bothering to get attached to him when they know they can’t keep up.

That’s why it’s so jarringly startling when you decide to stick around. When faced with the grand decision of throwing in the towel and leaving Peter behind or sticking around and trying your best, you chose the latter. It was surprising, to say the least. Peter waited patiently for the distance between the two of you to start growing; he waited for the void you once filled to open up again. However, the void never emptied, and the distance never grew.

To anyone else, this would be a wonderful experience. Knowing that you wouldn’t be left behind or forgotten about would be comforting to anyone else in Peter’s position. However, this did the exact opposite for Peter. He wasn’t comforted or relaxed, on the contrary, he was always on edge. The future was cruel, and the mystery of it all felt like torture.

To quote the great Richard Silken, “Someone has to leave first. This is a very old story. There is no other version of this story.” Peter lived and breathed by this ideology, that everyone he loves would have to leave eventually, whether it be by their own volition or not. It was obvious that you didn’t plan on abandoning ship anytime soon, so Peter decided he’d take matters into his own hands. If you weren’t going to be the first one to walk away, then he’d be the one to run away from you. He soon came to learn that loneliness was at its most bitter when you’ve come to taste the sweetness of love.

Love was a strange, complicated beast that Peter Maximoff had never dealt with before. If he were to be completely honest, love scared him. It scared him more than dying scared him. To Peter, death was an escape. Death was the end of a tiring journey, it was safe and simple and easy. Love was the opposite, it was the mouth of a dragon and the edge of a blade. It was the beginning to something so fragile and powerful, something that could end in flames.

Peter realized he loved you on a summer afternoon. The sun was shining and you were in the shade. He sat down next to you, and within minutes Kurt and Ororo appeared at your side. They seemed so put together, so sure and strong. Peter felt out of place-- he felt as if he were standing outside of a cabin looking in through the window at your wonderful friendships. He watched with his nose pressed against the glass as you walked across the room and opened the cabin door to let him in.

Peter realized he was in love with you in the middle of the night. A thunderstorm raged outside the mansion walls and raindrops kept time as Peter walked down the hallway. You were sitting on the floor of the common room next to a dying fire, a book clenched tightly in your hands. For a moment, he just stood against a wall and watched you. As creepy as he felt, a part of him believed he’d ruin your night by making himself known. He was okay with being a fly on the wall if it meant he’d get to see you. Peter wondered if there was a world where he had the pleasure of knowing you, without you having the burden of knowing him.

Still, you saw him. And you knew him. And you waved him over with a smile. He felt the urge to run, to leave you here alone with yourself, but he stayed put. Then, one step at a time, he moved forward. He got closer and closer before he found himself standing at your feet.

“You’re welcome to stay,” you told him. He believed it. Peter sat down next to you, letting his shoulder brush against yours.

“What’re you reading?” He asked. Peter already knew what you were reading, he read the cover of the book the moment he sat down, but he still wanted to hear it from you.

“Crush by Richard Siken,”

“Oh. What’s it about?” Peter already knew what it was about. He’d read it at least fifty times.

“It’s kind of hard to explain. I’d much rather just read it to you and let you decide for yourself,” Peter’s stupid little heart lurched, and he almost cried at the thought. He held it together, though.

“That would be nice,” He said softly.

“Sorry about all the writing in the margins, I can’t help myself sometimes.” Peter scanned the sides of the pages, marveling at your notes. Some of them were reactions, littered with exclamation points and question marks and bold letters. Some of them were underlined phrases and little doodles-- most notably a little drawing of a chameleon on a tiger lily. He loved them.

“It’s okay. Literature is meant to be marked up-- what’s the point of reading if you don’t get to share the love?”

“That’s a good point,” You grinned. Then, the reading began, and you allowed Peter to rest his head on your shoulder as you read to him. Even though he’d heard the poems a billion times by now, they sounded brand new coming from you. He listened closely. You were arriving at his favorite part, “You are Jeff” section 24.

“You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won’t tell you that he loves you, but he loves you...” You read on, not noticing the way Peter’s eyes had shifted from the book you were holding to your face. Peter’s mind wanders, and he curses himself for missing the lines you were reading “... You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and you’re trying not to tell him that you love him, and you’re trying to choke down the feeling, and you’re trembling, but he reaches over and he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you’ve discovered something you didn’t even have a name for.”

Peter felt like he was going to cry. You kept reading and he kept looking. It was getting late, and Peter was getting tired. Your voice had softened and slowed, and the fire that was burning in the fireplace had all but died. Peter was the one that fell asleep first, and you followed closely after. Both of you had lingering smiles on your faces.

Intimacy is an odd thing, isn’t it? Thinking critically, intimacy is just vulnerability with more layers. It’s the closeness between people, it’s allowing yourself to connect with someone you care about. It’s stripping yourself down to muscle and bone and hoping the other person doesn’t let you bleed out. It’s a level of trust that is more than closing your eyes and falling backwards; it’s closing your eyes and letting them push you over the edge into the unknown, and trusting them enough to know you’ll be okay when you hit the ground.

It didn’t take long for Peter to realize that he had trouble with being intimate with other people. Too many times had trusted someone to push him over the edge, only to realize he’d be shattered when he hits the ground. After that, he decided intimacy was overrated. It’s not like anyone was going to have that kind of relationship with him, anyway.

Of course, then you came along and uprooted his entire worldview, like you had with everything else. He found himself thinking about you at every waking moment, which inevitably led to him… thinking about you at every waking moment, if you catch my drift. Sure, intimacy involves more than just physical intimacy, but Peter knows he can’t ignore the feeling that rises in his stomach whenever he’s around you. For the first year or so of your relationship, Peter became very familiar with the feeling of an ice-cold shower.

What Peter didn’t take into consideration was you. For some reason, Peter struggled to understand the fact that you were just as attracted to him as he was attracted to you. It was no secret that Peter was insecure, but he never really realized how much his insecurity affected his relationships. If he couldn’t love himself, how could anyone else? Peter is the only one who gets to see his persona in its truest form, and every time he has to avert his eyes. It’s safe to say his physical appearance has been the cause of very many painful-- and occasionally tear-filled-- sleepless nights.

He told you this. He told you everything. He told you about Erik, he told you about his childhood, he told you about everything he loved and hated and feared and yearned for. That ordeal alone was scary enough, knowing that at any moment you could decide you didn’t want to deal with him anymore, but as always, you stuck around. You told him everything. You told him about your family and your struggles. You told him about everything you loved and hated and feared and yearned for, and not once did Peter even think that he wanted to walk away. This is the kind of intimacy that, over the years, Peter had struggled with less and less.

Still, it was the sexual aspect of intimacy that freaked him out. It was a beast he’d never dealt with, a feat he’d never faced. That being said, as every day went by Peter became more and more… frustrated. He didn’t know how to approach the subject, so he'd just let the subject approach him and wing it.

And as he sat on his bed watching as you twirled around to Tears for Fears “Everybody Wants To Rule The World”, Peter realized he didn’t have much to worry about.

“Dance with me, dollface,” you laughed, reaching out for him. You looked like someone straight out of a movie, the lim blue light coming from Peter’s arcade machines illuminating a halo above your head. You put Molly Ringwald and Emilio Estevez to shame. Peter took your hand, grinning like an idiot as you twirled him around.

There he was, dancing in his mother’s basement with his favorite person in the entire world. He wasn’t a great dancer, and neither were you, but that didn’t matter. Peter was dreading this visit-- he hated the idea of being back in the basement that made him feel like a failure. But you assured him that you’d be there with him, and that getting to see his family would make it all worth it. His family isn’t what made it worth it, though.

“Brain Damage” by Pink Floyd came next, slower and a bit more somber, but still danceable. Your arms shifted to around his neck, pulling him closer than he already was. Somehow, you ended up with your back against the wall as the song came to a close. He kissed your forehead, then your cheek, then your lips.

“I love you,” Peter spoke softly. This was a small victory-- he’d been so scared of the mere idea of loving someone. You were the only one who got to hear his love confessions. They were for you, and for you only.

“I love you too,” Peter would never, ever get tired of hearing that. Knowing that you love him is enough to keep him going for a hundred years. And he knows the odds, he knows that love is rocky and painful as much as it is beautiful. He knows that love can feel sweet in the beginning and go sour overtime. He knows that first, second, third relationships don’t always work out. But he thinks this is going to work out. And Peter doesn’t think this will ever go sour. Maybe that’s his blissful ignorance talking, maybe he’s jinxing it, but at this moment, he doesn’t care. Right now he is at his happiest, at his most content.

“You wanna watch a movie?” You asked softly, pecking Peter on the cheek. He could feel the warmth radiating off of you, and Peter grinned. In an instant the tv across the room began playing the opening credits to the first movie that popped into his head.

“The Breakfast Club?” You questioned. Peter shrugged.

“What can I say, I’m a sucker for a good coming-of-age kind of movie,”

You sat against the headboard of Peter’s bed, allowing Peter to settle beside you. Your head rested on his shoulder, and he was quick to grab your hand. Peter loved the closeness. Over the past year, he’d come to realize he was a very affectionate person. Previously, Peter hadn’t known soft, physical love; the only time anyone would ever touch him would be as punishment or defense, not love. Love. Peter had gotten more comfortable with the idea of love, because when he thinks of love he thinks of you.

Every good story has a villain. A villain that you love to hate, or hate to love. A villain you can sympathize with, a villain you can’t excuse, a villain that the mere mention of makes you sick to your stomach. An unexpected villain. An obvious villain. A villain that’s just trying his goddamn best. Sometimes the villain is defeated, sometimes the villain changes their evil ways. Sometimes the villain dies and the crowd cheers.

Peter Maximoff never thought he’d be the villain of his own story. He tried his hardest to be a good person, but there was always that side of him that made him afraid. He was like an explosive; whenever someone got too close, he’d detonate and destroy everything around him. It was a self-defense tactic, albeit counterproductive.

It killed you to see him that way. He told you about the relationships he’d lost to himself. He told you about the abandonment and the loneliness. It broke your heart. He tried to distract himself, drowning himself in work so he’d never have the opportunity to ruin what he had with you. Peter Maximoff was a walnut tree; every time he planted his roots and began to grow, he’d kill anything that grew too close. However, the constant working started to wear Peter down.

It started with the late nights. He’d collapse next to you at four AM, knocking out the minute his head hit the pillow. Still, he’d be awake before you were, already scrambling around trying to complete various tasks. He was like a machine that was running from it’s problems. The late nights turned to all-nighters, and the few hours Peter managed to salvage set aside for sleep had shrunk to a few minutes at a time. He didn’t eat anything with even a hint of nutritional value. At this rate, he was going to work himself to death.

The worst part? Peter knew what he was doing. He wasn’t stupid. He just needed to shut up the little voice in his head that urged him to act out. The entirety of his childhood, Peter destroyed what he created. The need to be isolated, the feeling that he deserves to be alone spread throughout his body like a cancer. He locked himself away in the basement, trying desperately to stay out of everyone’s way so they wouldn’t shut him out. People tried to coerce him out of his cave, to pull him out of the bottomless pit he threw himself into. Peter saw them as the sirens trying to lure him into the ocean of loneliness, and he wasn’t going to fall for it. In his eyes, anyone who tried to help him were the villains of his amazing, heroic tale. Fortunately for him, one by one, they started to give up on helping him. They thought he was a lost cause; a fucking loser who was destined to wallow in his own self-pity until he died. At first, this was a triumph. He defeated them, he outwitted the sphinx and slayed the dragon. But a part of him hated himself for becoming the worst-case scenario that every parent feared their child would grow up to be.

He pulled himself out of his pit and back onto his feet, all by himself. It was hell on Earth, but he did it. That cancerous feeling of uselessness retracted back into itself, now residing in the place next to Peter’s heart. However, that horrifying fear of becoming a burden began to grow again, this time when Peter was in his mid-20s. He began to overcompensate, and that led him to where he was; always on the brink of collapse, running on nothing but coffee and twenty minutes of sleep. In return, Peter got to have friends. In his mind, that was fair. In your mind? Not even close.

You managed to catch him in his bedroom as he was in the midst of simultaneously scribbling in a notebook and reading an open novel. Peter Maximoff would always be the most beautiful person in the world in your eyes, but at that moment, he looked like hell. Your plan seemed foolproof, but then again, you weren’t sure what you were walking into. Lately, Peter didn’t seem like himself. Probably because of the lack of sleep.

“Peter?” He looked up at you, eyes half-lidded. “I got you something.”

“You did?” A sleepy smile was all he could muster, but that was google enough for you.

“I did. It’s to mark exactly three years since I first met you,” you sat down on his bed, placing the small wrapped book right next to you. Peter glanced at the calendar on the wall-- oh god, you were right. It’s been three years to the day and he forgot. He deserves the title of “World’s Worst Boyfriend”. Scott will probably be upset that he’s losing his title.

“What’re you up to?”

“Finishing up some old work I’ve been putting off,” he punctuated his sentence with a yawn. “Some of my old work and some of Hank’s, too.” “Why are you doing Hank’s work?”

“He seemed stressed about something, thought I might help clear his head,” The sentiment is sweet, you’ll give him that.

“Alright, well, can we talk for a minute?” Alarm bells went off in Peter’s brain. There has never, in the history of the universe, been a good conversation that started with ‘can we talk for a minute?’ or any of it’s cruel variants.

“Actually, I’m kind of busy right now, can this wait?” It was obvious that the answer to that was no, but still, he felt the need to ask.

“Not really, no. It’s important.” Peter saw the next few seconds playing out in his head. The inevitable had come to fruition; you realized that you could do better, and now you were cutting him loose. He couldn’t blame you, not really, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t going to rip him to shreds. He realized that whatever you brought for him was most likely a parting gift. How sweet.

“Oh. Alright.”

“Well, I’m going to give it to you straight,” you sighed. “I’m worried about you, Peter.”

Oh. He’s heard this speech before, he knows the spiel. He can vaguely recall a guidance counselor telling him the exact same thing before Peter decided to call him a slew of expletives. The tar pit in his chest began to grow.

“I’m fine.” This was a lie. The first lie in a long chain of lies that Peter was about to tell to you, his favorite person in the world. He loved you, but in that moment his vision clouded over. You weren’t the person he loved and cherished anymore, no, you were just another faceless blur that provided a temporary escape.

“Really? I feel like you’re pushing everyone away, you’re pushing me away.” Peter was becoming more and more irritated by the second.

“I told you, I’m fine. I’m not pushing you away.��

“Don’t lie to me,” your voice is firm and unwavering. “You don’t sleep, you almost never eat-- I don’t think I’ve seen you stand still for more than three minutes once in the past month--”

“That’s just how I am,” Peter huffs. He wanted this conversation to be over. “That’s not your problem.”

“Your wellbeing is my problem, Peter, that’s the whole point of being friends with someone. Even more so now, because you’re my partner and I care about you--”

“Then stop,” Peter rolled his eyes. He's more irritable than normal-- most likely because he hasn’t slept in days. He could almost feel the venomous arms of isolation creeping around him. It’s a sick pattern, he knows; every time someone gets close to him, he feels the need to self-destruct before they lose interest. Even now, even after all this time, Peter’s still powerless against the poison in his veins.

“What?” You’re losing your reserve and your stature. He can tell. You’re slouching and picking at the cuticles on your thumb. It’s almost as if he’s been shoved into the back seat, and is now being forced to watch as a stranger takes the wheel and crashes the car. So much frustration, so much hurt, and it’s all coming out right now, onto you. Peter already regrets this entire interaction, but still, he manages to spit acid.

“Stop caring. Just leave, I know you want to. I know every night, you lie awake and think about all the different ways you can leave me in the dust. Not that it would matter to me.” This is another lie. Your eyes flash with hurt, but you stay put. You know he’s just being an asshole because he’s exhausted and too stubborn to admit that you’re right. He’s egging you on intentionally, trying to get you to snap and walk away.

“Peter, god, I love you but sometimes you can be so...”

“So what? C’mon, be honest with me,” He huffed.

“Frustrating,” You surrendered. The poise you once held was gone. “I know it isn’t your fault-- I know you’ve trusted so many people so deeply and been betrayed or sold out and I know you’ve loved so many times and been thrown to the curb without a second thought. But I don’t know what I can do to convince you that I’m here for you, and that I love you. I’ve tried everything, and it feels like I’m talking to a brick wall. I want to make this work, but I need you to work with me.” It’s evident in your voice that you’re desperate. You’re just hoping you’ll get through to him, somehow. “I need you to want it as bad as I do-- hell, I need you to want it at all.” Here it comes--

“You ever think, maybe, I just don’t want you to be that person for me? I’ve spent my life being independent, my entire existence so far has been built around the fact that I’m going to end up alone. People come and people go-- people like you and Charles-- and they tell me they care. They tell me that they love me and that they're here for me. And then they get tired of me and they leave. I wish that you would just leave me the fuck alone and let me live in solitude,” There it was. The lie to end all lies. The words tasted awful coming out of his mouth, and the whole ordeal left his mouth tasting very… sour. Peter had to look away, he couldn’t look at the expression on your face.

“Fine. If that’s what you want.” Your eyes never met his, but you paused before you exited the room. “I know you’re probably just… I don’t know, going through something, but you’re being an asshole. Don’t talk to me until you’ve sorted your shit out. Enjoy your solitude.” You left the room impossibly fast, your fists clenched so tightly Peter feared that your nails would break the skin on your palms. He struggled to keep it together-- why the fuck did he do that?

Peter collapsed onto his bed, and it’s only then that he realized you left behind the gift you got him. A part of him thought he should return it to you, but the other part of him urged for it to be opened. He tore the wrapping paper off before he realized what he was doing. The hardcover book the wrapping paper concealed was handbound, the cover littered with your beautifully familiar handwriting. In big, bold letters The Best of Poetry in the Humble Opinion of Y/n L/n was scrawled at the top.

Peter vividly remembers a late night you spent talking to him. You told him about your favorite poems, outlining each and every little detail you loved about them. Some of them he’d read already, some of them he hadn’t, but all of them sounded like artwork coming from you. He opened the front cover, and you’d written something else on the inside.

“In the words of the wonderful Peter Maximoff, ‘What’s the point of reading if you don’t get to share the love?’. This is me, sharing the love.”

Carefully, Peter opened to a random page in the book. He saw the notes in the margins and the doodles and the exclamation points and before he knew it Peter was on the verge of tears. He was barely containing himself, and then he read a specific annotation you made.

He had opened to the first page of “The Worm King’s Lullaby”, one of your all-time favorites. A specific line was underlined, one that Peter was all too familiar with: “Someone has to leave first. This is a very old story. There is no other version of this story.” Beside it, you wrote:

“As much of a genius Mr. Siken is, I have to disagree with this. If you love someone enough, you’ll never leave them and they’ll never leave you. Even if they die, even if things don’t work out, you’ll always have a little part of them to carry with you. Carry this part of me with you, Peter. Not that I plan on leaving anytime soon.”

That was it. The floodgates broke. Everything that Peter had held back came pouring out-- the past 10 minutes finally caught up with him, and they hit him like a bus. He sat in the corner of his bedroom, his knees pulled up to his chest so tightly he thought his legs would snap. Peter wanted to rip all his hair out or punch a hole in the wall or hold his head underwater until he was nothing but an obituary and a headstone. His chest burned and the pit of despair inside his chest had overtaken his system, and he hated himself with a burning passion. Why did he do that? Why did he do that? Why the fuck did he do that?

Peter Maximoff had his breakdown in solitude, revealing in the fact that he was, undeniably, the villain of his own life.

As it turns out, ‘getting his shit together’ is much harder than Peter originally anticipated. He's trying, he really is, but it's hard. Especially without you there. Peter knows that he fucked up, and he knows that he needs to work for your forgiveness. And don’t worry, he’s going to work for it.

It had only been a week, but the entire mansion could tell that something was off. Life just wasn’t the same without the randomized gusts of wind that would knock people off their feet; no one had been seriously injured or had something stolen from them. The whirlwind that was mansion life, while still chaotic, lost it’s fun.

Charles tried to keep things running smoothly, but he was an old man and didn’t exactly understand you and Peter. People would knock on your door every now and then, but you didn’t answer. You were much too busy analyzing exactly how much of a bitch you were being-- realistically, the answer is 0%, but you didn’t see it that way. No, from your perspective, you saw Peter having a mental breakdown and you ditched him. Pretty shitty move.

What you didn’t realize was that Peter was doing the exact same thing, however, the blame falls mostly on his shoulders, and boy does he know it. He’s been scripting his grand apology, trying desperately to find the right words to express exactly how sorry he is. Peter was never very good with words-- it’s always too hard to know if you’re going to say the wrong thing and mess everything up. Although, it’s hard to see how the scenario could get any worse.

He made the executive decision to start with “I’m sorry”-- a solid start to any apology. Sure, he could stop there, but Peter realized that he’d probably need more to win back his partner. So, he managed to scribble down a few more lines on a tiny notecard he was supposed to use for studying. Oh, what a wondrous redemption arc this would be; Peter gets into a fight with his wonderful partner and ruins their relationship and then struggles to come up with a coherent apology.

“I’m sorry about what I said, that was shitty. I shouldn’t have said that.” Peter’s eyebrows furrowed in frustration. God, he was going to die alone, wasn’t he? Maybe this is the cruel punishment the world is dealing to him, the universe is deciding that Peter’s redemption arc would be better if it, well, didn’t exist. Even so, he isn’t planning on giving up or giving in just yet.

He scrapped what he had so far and started at the beginning once again. His 9th grade english teacher would tell him to write about what he knows, and though he doesn’t know much, he’s an expert when it comes to himself. Peter knows how he feels about you, he knows how sorry he is, and he knows that he really, really, really wants you to know that he didn’t mean a word he said about not wanting you. Peter knows about love, at least a little bit, and he realizes he’ll need more than just words.

His mind drifts to that night, years ago, in front of the fireplace. He vividly remembers a tiger lily and a chameleon scribbled in the margins of your book. Realistically, Peter couldn’t get his hands on a chameleon, but a tiger lily was a different story. In high school, Peter took a botany course because he thought it’d be easy. It wasn’t, it was boring as all hell, but it seems like his slacking paid off. He knew tiger lilies were indigenous to Asia, but they’d become quite common along New England-area roadways.

Peter grabbed his jacket and took off, tearing through the roads like his life depended on it. In less than 10 minutes, Peter found himself in the middle of New Hampshire drenched in rain. In hindsight, he probably should’ve checked the weather before leaving. Nevertheless, he takes off into the small wooded area that laid passed the road’s end. Dozens of mushrooms dotted the muddy ground and mossy rocks clouded his peripheral vision. The rain begins to lighten as he spots a bright orange tiger lily peeking through the remains of a tree stump. He sprints over to it.

The tiger lily is bloomed and beautiful and Peter can’t tear his eyes away from the wide array of speckles and splotches and color. It’s pristine, but some of the petals are torn or wilting. The roots stretch into the stump below it, and Peter leans closer. The stump is old and worn, fungi and bugs eat away at the base next to a large hole where a family of worms reside. The stump is ugly, sure, but it’s useful. It helps keep the bugs fed and keeps the worms warm. There’s a metaphor here somewhere, but Peter is too distracted to find it.

He gently picks the flower and spins on his heel, taking off once again. The rain makes it harder to run, but it’ll take a lot more than water to stop Peter. By the time Peter gets back to Xavier’s the flower is a little crushed, but it’s still somewhat pristine.

He has the flower, he has the apology, and now all he needs is courage. Thankfully, that courage comes quickly as he instinctively knocks on your bedroom door. He probably should’ve stopped to collect himself, but he was riding a wave of adrenaline that wouldn’t come back.

“Go away, Jean,” You called from inside. You sounded tired, and it made Peter sad.

“It’s-- uh-- it’s not Jean,” Peter can hear your hesitant footsteps approaching the door, and suddenly the courage he managed to build up drained. His hands are shaking by the time you open the door. You look up at him, and Peter looks back at you, and suddenly everything is much harder to do. He looks down at his feet.

“Hi.” Your voice is hoarse, but clear.

“Hi.” Peter’s voice is uneven and quiet. You stand there in silence for a minute before Peter pipes up again.

“So, uh, you’re probably still mad at me and I get that, but I just want you to hear me out. I-If that’s okay,” You nod slowly, and Peter takes a deep breath. He thinks about the written apology that sat in his coat pocket, and he makes the last-minute decision to forget about it. He’ll speak from the heart, or, whatever people in rom-coms do.

“I’m sorry. It was really shitty of me to get angry at you because you were worried about me-- although, I guess shitty is an understatement. Everything that I said about, yknow, not wanting you or Charles or anyone else around anymore wasn’t true. I need you guys, and I love you guys and it was unfair of me to push you away. Solitude really sucks. I guess I’m just not very good at navigating relationships,” He exhales, and his chest shudders. “I understand if you don’t want to be with me anymore, I just thought I should make it clear how I feel.” It’s only then that he remembers about the tiger lily in his hand. “Oh, and this is for you.”

“A tiger lily?” you smiled softly. “These are my favorite-- how did you know?”

“I’m just observant, I guess. You usually draw them when you’re bored, I figured you’d like to see one in person,” You gently took the tiger lily in your hand. The silence that hung in the air was deafening, and Peter realized that was probably a bad sign. His chest drops just a bit, and he takes a small step backwards.

“I guess I should probably leave you alone--” Peter can’t get very far, because you immediately jump forward and wrap your arms around him. Eyes wide and heart pounding, you can feel Peter’s arms lock around your waist.

“Thank you,” You whispered. “Please don’t go.” Peter was smiling so hard his cheeks ached, and a horrible weight had been lifted off his shoulders. The close-contact was refreshing; he didn’t realize how much he missed it until that moment. He was pretty sure he would never, ever let you go. Not again.

To Peter Maximoff, physical affection has always been a touchy subject-- that is, until you came along. You proved to him that he deserved physical affection, that his mutation and his personality and weirdo quirks didn’t make him lesser or unlovable. Peter Maximoff deserved love, and you were the one who never failed to love him.

You sat on a wooden chair in front of the fireplace, reading to the group of children sitting at your feet. The emotional lines of “Snow and Dirty Rain” fell from your lips, and with every turning syllable the small group would listen just a little bit closer. Peter did, too, desperately trying to hear every single word you said. Class was almost over, and once the students were dismissed you’d probably stop reading.

“I made this place for you. A place for you to love me. If this isn't a kingdom then I don't know what is,” Your eyes tore away from the page to look at the kids at your feet. They fell upon Peter, and a smile erupted on your face.

Peter vaguely recalls the twisted idea of love that he held as a teenager. He thought love was a dragon to be defeated, a battle that could be won or lost. It’s clear now that love is the opposite-- it isn’t a fight or a battle or a thing to be conquered. It’s more like a flower; it needs to be cherished and cared for in order to grow. Sometimes the flower wilts and dies, and that’s natural, but sometimes the flower lasts for a lifetime.

Love wasn’t a dragon or a knight, it didn’t have a hero or a villain; it was much more like a tiger lily and a tree stump.

#Evan Peters #peter maximoff #pietro maximoff #pietro maximoff x reader #peter maximoff x reader #wandavision #xmen fanfiction #xmen

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thecomfywriter · 3 years

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Questions / Ask game

Hey guys! I haven’t posted in a while because school so I decided to do something nice, fun and simple because why not. At first I was gonna do a “ask me a question from this list!” kinda thing until I realized none of y’all will do that LOL

So I was like screw it. I’ll answer my own questions 😎

Imma put the questions as bolded, so if you would like to, answer these questions yourself. Consider this me tagging you lol. Alright, let’s begin:

1) Why did you join tumblr?

because I honestly feel it’s the most inclusive of all social medias, and the most chill. you have a community for everything here, and the writing community here >>>

2) Tea or coffee?

tea, 100% i grew up on chai (because i’m punjabi lol) but chai is now more a comfort/culture tea. my staple tea is green tea, especially for writing or studying.

I tried coffee, and it did nothing to keep me awake. All it really did for me was take my appetite away and considering i am recovering from an ed...? yeah no.

3) Who’s your favourite author?

i don’t think I have one specific favourite, to be honest. But i feel like i’m betraying uncle rick by saying that LOL

Okay but in all seriousness, my favourite authors would be Rick Riordan, Khaled Hosseni, Lois Lowry, HOMBOI HOMER (yes he counts), Emily Bronte, and Kristen Britain

4) What books are on your favourites shelf?

Glad you asked! Or didn’t lol.

My favourites shelf is right beside my desk so I can look at it every day. It included the books (not in order):

A Sense of the Infinite (i have a lot of memories with this book. it was the first thing i was able to read again when i started recovering from my ed)

The Vampire Diaries: I’m a whore for Damon. I hate Stefan because of this inexplicable grudge I have had on him from the very beginning. I love Elena since she acc has a personality and it’s completely diva at first. The angst had me rolling

The Last Dragon: a book translated from italian that I read in my childhood. it was the first book i ever pulled an all-nighter for and i’m pretty sure it’s the reason why I love dragons so much. 10/10 recommend

The Giver: if I could say one book out of all of them is my favourite, it’s the giver. it changed my entire perspective on life and my entire worldview. it got me thinking so much and, god, i still get emotional and think about what an amazing and impactful book it was to me. and i love the adaption to the movie because it made the brilliant decision to add the music scene. i still listen to rosemary’s lullaby whenever i need a pick me up or feel like crying LOL

A Thousand Splendid Suns: the first book to ever make me ball my eyes out. it was 1 am, I had just reached part 4 of the book and I was crying so hard and loud, I had to hide in my closet to muffle my tears so my parents didn’t wake up. Wow, it was such a beautiful and well written book. 10/10 recommend. Khaled Hosseni only likes my heart after he shatters it

Wuthering Heights: I have never read a book more well written or with such elegant and descriptive and captivating english than this book. from the very first description of heathcliff’s suspicious brows that darkened shadows under his eyes, god, it inspired my writing style so much. plus, i’m a whore for emily bronte

the ILIAD: i will always like the iliad more than the odyssey. it just hits different. the epicness of the war. the meddling of the gods. the tragedy of achilles and the fear and glory from his wrath. achilles was the biggest piece of shit asshole ever, after agamemnon, but god he was such a drama queen, it was kind of fashionable. it was epic to see him be such a glorified warrior and he was so humanized by patroclus. by the way, patrochilles. if you disagree, i don’t understand you and i will fight you on your opinion. the man almost took a dagger to his heart the moment he found out patroclus died, like...

Percy Jackson is not on the favourites shelf for one reason and one reason only. He has his own shelf dedicated to him. :)

Also, Kristen Britain’s green rider has their own shelf too. with the pretty pastel horse covers. god i love them

5) What am I studying in school:

I’m a senior in highschool in Canada, first of all. Second of all, I am in the SHSM (Specialist High School Major Program) for healthcare. I’m applying to universities for health/life sciences but I wanna get an english degree too, sometime in the future

6) My favourite OC’s and why?

Evan.

You knew I was gonna say him LOL

Okay acc fr tho. lemme rank them.

Evan is first, then Amaka, then Caramel, Blaire, Faer, Vranks and Shadow. And I can’t forget about Yozar, of course, but he kinda counts with Evan.

Now lemme explain why.

Evan is charismatic. He’s brave. He’s resilient. He tries to make the best of every shitty situation that is thrown his way and despite all the shit that he goes through, he believes that he deserves better and so he works and trying to get to the end of the tunnel, where there is light and happiness waiting for him. he tries his best and enjoys the process, even if the results aren’t guaranteed or success. he’s charming, and humourous because he knows how to have a good laugh. he doesn’t take life to seriously and i admire him for it.

I made evan’s charavter when i was going through a rough patch of life, and I would put him in similar situations to my own just so I can see him persevere and survive. to teach myself that you can be brave and strong, and that you can make it out at the end of the day. evan’s character gives me hope.

Amaka was a character I made as a child. i grew up with her, creating her, writing her, watching her grow, adoring her. She was so realistic about life. Not overly cheerful or optimistic. Not a jokester for everything. She was a bit more serious toned. A bit more mature. A bit more quiet natured and sordid. Serene. She has this quiet beauty to her; always thinking, always pondering, always wanting to learn more.

She went through it rough too. And she took her time to make it out. She accepted it for what happened to her, and she let herself feel. to grieve. Amaka taught me friendship. She taught me maturity. She taught me how to process emotions. And she inspired so much of my knowledge-lust.

Caramel was the first female character I had ever made. I made her in complete defiance to every stereotype I had ever faced or heard about girls. I made her the strongest in her lot, not because she was a girl or she was quirky, but because she worked hard and was determined. She was a thief, and a bit rowdy. She knew how to have fun and was the life of the party. A flirt, a romantic. She didn’t fancy reading only because she didn’t think she was good at it, but the things that she was good at, she worked to excel. She was a mentor, despite her impatience. She grew as a person, and learned selflessness. She wasn’t a natural mother or an empathetic person at all really. She had to figure that out and learn, but she took the time and she did. Caramel felt real to me, because she had her strengths and her flaws, but she was amazing nonetheless because she always tried to be better. And she was fun. Caramel was the character that gave me pride in being a girl.

This post will get too long if I continue on, so I will cut it off here. But this was fun so I might do this again :)

Tag yourself and respond to these questions. I’m curious about all your responses!

@p-tchaikovsky @bottleofspilledink @pretend-im-normal @writingismydrugs @genuinewriting @adelinemwriting @amarantine-amirite

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afroggyfrog · 3 years

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SuperStraight

A brand new sexuality that is trending on twitter and being super popular.

Definition:

A superstraight person is someone attracted to members of the opposite gender who are not transexual.

This was created as a response to people who sometimes say things like this:

(source:BBC)

Let’s give a name to the people who insist that not being attracted to trans people makes you transphobic, since I’m not about to describe them every time i wanna bring them up, I’ll call them trans-incels because just like incels they resent people for not wanting to have sex with them.

It’s worth it to remember that trans-incels aren’t representative of all trans people. or even of a majority of them, if i were to bet, they are about as popular as actual incels.

In all the comment sections I checked the anti trans-incel side was a clear majority, and having searched for “superstraight” on youtube to see what people have to say, the first video on the list, from a trans man, is definetely anti trans-incel .

> If you don’t want to date a trans person that’s fine, and if somebody is trying to force you they’re just an asshole

-probably most trans people

From the perspective of a trans-incel (and how we’re all assuming too much)

Imagine a person.

Imagine the probability that they are racist.

Imagine that same person saying “i wouldn’t date a black person”

Has the probability increased at all? be honest, it hasn’t gone up to 100% (which would be the race-incel response) but it must have gone up by at least a little.

But why did it go up by a little? Because now the chance they’ll say something like “because blacks disgust me” has also gone up.

Now imagine being into internet drama (ew) and as a trans person, you’re especially interested in people being transphobic and you probably see transphobia every day because people like talking about it as much as anti-sjw(tm) people like to talk about the trans-incels.

If discussions about trans people only gets to you when it causes drama you’ll probably never see “i wouldn’t date trans men/women...” without having it be followed by “...because they’re not real men/women”.

And even though the whole point of being superstraight is to explain why people wouldn’t date trans men/women without calling them ‘not real men/women’ lets see what the original guy who started the whole superstraight meme has to say at second 15.

https://youtu.be/z8vQhkPnEE4

It’s like instead of throwing bait, they’re just throwing food.

The more you see “...because they’re not real men/women” the more likely you are to expect it, and as someone who subscribes to people posting drama 24/7 you’ll see that hundreds of times until you end up answering ...

the probability that the person who says ‘i wouldn’t date trans men/women’ to be transphobic is 100%

...and even if they don’t follow up with something transphobic it’s always easier to imagine they’re just hiding it rather than to change your whole worldview on the spot.

And if you think “why do they even predict transphobia before its spoken”, well, this might sound crazy to you, but everyone is assuming things all the time, our whole perception of reality is nothing but a hallucination that our brain comes up with using not only stimulus from the world but also assumptions.

There’s a blind spot on each 1 of your eyes, your brain simply fills it in without you knowing, it also adds color to the edge of your vision and makes the whole thing less blurry.

When someone says “i won’t date trans people” some people will simply fill in the blanks, they’ll assume every bit of info about who you are what you believe in what your personality is from just a sentence, because the brain is literally designed for it.

IQ tests are just patterns where a spot is blanked out and you’re supposed to fill it in, your intelligence is measured by your ability to fill in the blanks, and low intelligence people will just make mistakes more often, but everyone smart or dumb will constantly make assumptions about everything, and dumb people will be proven wrong about their assumptions more often.

And this happens all the time even when you’re not talking about politics or having a fight.

Someone talking about the earth being curved? well, every time I saw someone do that they called it a sphere so let me just fill in the blanks.

Someone saying they wouldn’t date trans women? well, every time I see screenshots of people saying that in my drama facebook group i see them being transphobic, so let me just fill in the blanks

That’s just how incels operate.

Building legitimacy

Have you ever noticed that every sexual preference eventually gets assigned a flag, on that note, why does every country have a flag?

If you ask a regular person to guess why their country has a flag you’ll get something related to aesthetics, our flags represent our country.

For example Romania and Hungary:

In school we are taught that each colour on our flag has a different meaning, I searched on google and everyone disagrees on what they mean but as an example.

Liberty (sky-blue), Justice (field yellow), Fraternity (blood red)

Outside of school I was taught by my grandma that the Hungarian flag, much like the Romanian flag, also has a meaning.

The green represents a wide field of green grass, the white represents a white dog playing on the field of grass, rolling around on his back, and the red represents his red dog cock.

Both of these meanings are pretty much just something that a Romanian randomly came up with so i don’t think most people know why countries have flags.

Flags originate from war, that way the armies know not to attack their own allies when they see they carry the same flag, having an army grants you true legitimacy because you can just beat people up into believing you’re legitimate, so countries with no armies probably still had flags because it would be really hard to pretend you have an army otherwise.

Nowadays every country has a flag even if war is illegal, simply because every country has been using one for so long that it became convention. If you don’t follow convention you will be seen as illegitimate. It’s an unwritten rule, but a rule nonetheless, that you need a flag, and much like not following written rules makes you illegitimate (and illegal) so does not following unwritten rules.

And sexualities having their own flags and names probably feels like an even stronger convention than countries having flags for some people.

It’s very often brought up that you have to feel “valid” (which more or less means “legitimate”)

I still don’t know why, but it’s apparent that people need to be reassured that their sexuality is “valid” and then there’s also this:

Why does a sexual preference have to be distinct from a sexuality? I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure the only difference between the two is legitimacy, to confirm to the conventions of flags and labels.

Q: So why do superstraights get a label and a flag and copy everything that LGBT people do, like tweets talking about how valid their followers are or using the word bigot etc

A: Because to get true legitimacy you need to copy the conventions.

The cargo cult

(wikipedia) Some primitive tribes of people would look at colonists from the civilised world and notice that after they’d built some plane lanes, the planes would come bringing cargo full of valuable stuff.

The tribesmen have made the observation that planes land if you build lanes for them to land on, they made the hypothesis that building the lanes causes the planes to come, and like scientists, they set out to test it.

They made lanes, they made fake planes, they tried to copy everything that the colonists did hoping it would be enough.

Superstraight is a lot like a cargo cult of sexualities, they have a flag, they have a label, they call everyone bigots all the time.

This is the first pic I sent before cropping it.

Because, like a cargo cultist who does not see the plane factories from the colonists homelands, the superstraight person does not see the LGBT community from outside his filter bubble, the filter bubble where only the most obnoxious people like the trans-incels can get through.

So when the superstraight person who thinks every LGBT person is just an obnoxious incel tries to “fit in” with the LGBT, they will act like an obnoxious incel, and when everyone is angry at him, he thinks to himself “they've all proven themselves hypocrites! i baited them so hard! i won!!!”

Even tho there’s a bunch of LGBT people from the comment sections I read who don’t even know the trans-incels even exist, because their filters simply don’t show them the same things you superstraight people are shown.

It gets worse

There’s some people who are so cocky and think they’re so much smarter than the LGBT community that they can just sneak in the nazi SS symbol into their flag and not just fuck up the bait completely.

hehe Schutzstaffel fla- wait! you cant call me a nazi! this is just another sexuality you hypocriteeeee

But this is also just a minority of the people who get superstraight trending, its so popular that I’m pretty sure most of the people getting it to trend are actual normies who wouldn’t even recognise the SS symbol and who have never been to 4chan.

Speaking of 4chan

Of course people don’t think superstraight is legitimate when you have 4chan taking credit for it.

They pick up on all the superficial customs like the flag the label the speech patterns and think “this is their, logic, im using it against them, and they’re all mad because of this alone and not just because a we’re comparing ourselves to the Schutzstaffel”

In a turing test a computer attempts to pass as a human.

In the ideological turing test a human tries to pass as someone of a different ideology.

Are people afraid of passing the ideological turing test? do they think if they can think like the enemy, then they’ll become the enemy? there was no need for people on 4chan to talk so openly about superstraight being a ruse, there was no need to make nazi memes with it, there is no need to post “we used their logic against them”, to constantly tell “yes this is all a lie”.

And yet people have to constantly break character and expose superstraight for being a fake sexuality, why? what’s even the point of it then?

What it could have been

Imagine a world in which instead of making a cargo cult sexuality and just delegitimizing it yourself with all the actual nazi symbolism, you were able to cancel trans-incels.

Imagine if they were able to say things like “the trans-incels are trying to create a new rape culture in which superstraight people are coerced into having sex with transexual people” with a straight face

Imagine if they even tried to coin the term “trans-incels”, since incels are hated by progressives for misogyny and are often associated with 4chan.

Imagine if they could get people banned for hate-speech against the superstraight

Imagine if they had the balls to denounce the people amongst them trying to delegitimise superstraight with their nazi SS and obvious parodying of the points that aren’t taken seriously by anyone who doesn’t call themselves anti-sjw.

Maybe then there’d be some divide between “pro-superstraight” and “anti-superstraight” instead of everyone who’s not anti-trans agreeing that superstraights aren’t legit.

Maybe they’d be able to get some people canceled, there’s been at least one actual celebrity (India Willoughby) who is a trans-incel, they could have canceled her! but nobody is even trying.

And oh how much “applying their own logic against them” would have been true if as a response to “but not all trans people are calling you transphobic for having a sexual preference!” you dusted off the “not all men are like that” memes that was popular with feminists.

If they would go on the offensive, cancelling people, spreading trans-incel screenshots to everyone who says they’ve never seen one, mocking people who stand up against them the way feminists used to and say “nOt aLl TrANs pEopLe aRE liKE THat” to anyone who says “not all trans people are like that”, to tell them that “silence is violence” and to make them cancel eachother.

Imagine how much more effective that would have been.

In the end this isn’t gonna make a difference, it will be forgotten, maybe in a couple months, or a year, or a week, some people are angry today because a counterculture hashtag is trending, but they’ll forget about it too, maybe a couple dozen people will permanently have superstraight on their twitter bios, but really, nothing interesting is gonna come out of it, and if someone tries to make something like whitesexual/blacksexual/asiansexual etc a thing the well will have already been poisoned by superstraight.

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battleshell · 4 years

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THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm. tagged by: @dansiere whom im care tagging: extremely informative meme for ppl who have lots of cross-over interactions, i encourage u to steal it from me anyway BUT @sternenteile @twelvians @stellamris @grandtales

My muse is: canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless / complicated

Is your character popular in the fandom? YES / NO. [ he is a very, very minor NPC that i’ve essentially wrested from the game with my grubby hands; Gerson is a merchant NPC found in Waterfall, the third area of the game focused with water themes. he has less than 100 lines of dialogue (but jam-packed full of info) and doesn’t even have an overworld sprite. although noted to have a history with multiple major characters, it’s not often i’ve seen him be the main focus of any fanfics or art pieces. ]

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK. [ put that faaaaaaaar away from me please tyty ]

Is your character considered strong in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK. [ i personally believe that Gerson is a strong and potentially powerful monster with fighting capability that could rival some of the stronger Monsters in the Underground due to his background as a fighter during the Human-Monster War, but since has waned in both reputation and fighting skill. we never fight him in game and as such, will never see how he compares numerically, but it’s clear from his dialogue that he knows how to fight professionally/cleverly and would have given a hard challenge. ]

Are they underrated? YES / NO / IDK. [ i mentioned before that Gerson has ties with lots of major characters - I hardly see it being put into action or talked about! i also have a soft spot for elder/older characters in general since they seem to be overlooked in favor for younger characters that carry the action of plots - which I understand and totally get, but I still like to put these characters out there for the sake of it ]

Were they relevant for the main story? YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main character? YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG. [ he was a funny merchant dude that said “wahaha” a whole bunch of times and carried a magnifying glass; sure he and Frisk would have been good friends after the golden ending but most people have forgotten about their interaction with Gerson once out of Waterfall ]

Are they widely known in their world? YES / NO. [ as one of the older if not oldest Monsters in the Underground, or from his reputation as the “Hammer of Justice” from wartime. he is also a historian and is noted to have written a few of the books in the Librarby. definitely known in the Underground, but probably only in that community ]

How’s their reputation? GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL. [ as mentioned before, a benefactor to the community and maybe even a sagely figure. a source of wisdom (even if cheeky) and a person of stability ]

How strictly do you follow canon? — ehhhhhhhhhh both extremely canon compliant and then hands off the wheel, let jesus drive me away~ i only have so much canon material to work with so i have milked as much as offered to me, then went off to forge my own path in order to patch up the missing holes then add a few sprinkles. the base of the character is all there, but if you really want to get invested with him (or me) then we have a lot to walk through.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals. — old tortoise (NOT TURTLE) guy sells knick-knacks and cracks jokes, knows everyone’s dirty secrets but thinks they’re just funny to think about them than use them. an elder in the community who has stories to tell and lessons to teach, who has lived through half of recorded history and now spends his time just trying to make things around him interesting. a war veteran who protects his community and understands the horror of the world, but keeps eyes looking into the future even in the face of grimness itself. plays the accordion and harmonica, could probably square dance if he knew what that was. will call you kiddo.

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?). — little to no motivation to find a passion for himself that would benefit or service just himself; his entire sense of worth comes from servicing others in some way (being a soldier and protecting people; recording history in order to teach future generations; maintaining a shop in order to literally service others) and lack of action due to decrepitude in old age. close-minded compared to other Monsters, as he doesn’t actually take to think of humans or outsiders kindly; judgmental to the point of being racist. proud and dislikes being one-upped that it could lead to pettiness, and despite his positive outlooks, very pessimistic worldview.

What inspired you to rp your muse? — funfact: Gerson is my first tumblr RP muse ever, and since i was worried about duplicate anxiety when i first started i specifically wrote him since he was a smaller character with less attention - i’ve since learned i have no anxiety about it so it’s no longer a problem, but what keeps me going today is the challenge of writing someone so different from me. the elder aesthetic along with homely, almost cottagecore kind of vibe is also appealing, and the humor that comes with gerson is a joy to write out.

What keeps your inspiration going? — reading literature, music, artwork, pinterest, replaying the game, and doing little hobbies that would embody the character (collecting or sewing, for example) are things i can do by myself, but with other people i have the most drive when i can have friendly and nonpersonal arguments/debates about character motives or about source material like what made a character act like this or that, or about really anything as long as it makes me seriously think about characters critically and force me to recognize flaws.

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice? YES / NO / I SINCERELY HOPE I DO? [ unfortunately i’m not a tortoise monster who lived for probably centuries if not decades older than myself, but i enjoy writing older characters and hope that other ppl see the potential gerson has like i do ]

Do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO / SORT OF? [ you know when you have a concept and in your own mind you can see it clearly, without fuzziness or confusion, but you can’t seem to put it clearly into words without it turning into an essay because you need to connect all the other points that’s in the single concept you envisioned? yea. ]

Do you sometimes write drabbles? YES / NO [ bro i should.. ]

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day? YES / NO [ hmu if you got pinterest and i’ll give u tons and tons of boards ]

Are you confident in your portrayal? YES / NO / SORT OF? [ this is unfair to answer as (AFAIK) i am the only person writing Gerson in... any capacity. despite that i like to think i bring out the humorous side of him, and show ppl that he and other NPCs are tons of potentials and shouldn’t be overlooked because they aren’t popular ]

Are you confident in your writing? YES / NO. [ i always believed my style and my skill in not only PSDs or aesthetics, but analysis or understanding was always a bit plain, without much flourish or complexity. while that is appealing on its own and has its own merits, i can’t help but feel i can always push myself to do a little more, add a little flavor, or paint an image that could only be done in writing. although i am doing enough to get the job done, i’m searching for a certain voice of writing that i like and want to integrate into creative writing in order to make it more personalized and more engaging. ]

Are you a sensitive person? YES / NO. / SORTA. [ i despise pussyfooting and will often tell ppl straight up if i have a problem with them or something about them; straightforwardness, honesty, and integrity are some of my core values and that includes being harsh if it comes to it in order to keep order ]

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal? — assuming it’s rooted in goodwill or from a point of analysis, absolutely! it’s one of the direct sources for growth and getting better at any craft, but as Tumblr loves to be.... jumpy, i’m always cautious when its not from someone i know.

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character? — YEA BUDDYYYYY

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why? — absolutely, i thrive off friendly discourse as i mentioned.

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it? — if we don’t discuss it as above, in lit any other case i’d say “well there are other blogs to follow” but since i’m like 99% sure i’m the only gerson blog that isn’t applicable lmao; the point still stands that everyone has the freedom to write a character as they wish. there are valid reasons to dislike a portayal but not a lot of valid reasons to attack someone for it - with the exception of ppl being gross. stop that, nasty.

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it? — strangely. it’s not my job to make people like a character, you either like them or not. if you dislike them for unreasonable points then, to leave in the previous response, “clowns will be clowns, no matter what you do. I just don’t get why you would follow someone if you hate their character to begin with.”

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors? — of course, as long as it’s polite and all that jazz!

Do you think you are easy going as a mun? — depends on the meaning - i like making new friends and i find it easy to talk to new people, be it about roleplay or other things like organizing video game play sessions. however, i also have on multiple occasions have approached ppl privately saying “this is annoying/this is problematic/this is inappropriate, stop” and been met with general disdain for voicing such so Who Knows..... (tm). at least on a private level. here, publicly, i’m pretty relaxed! memes and jokes are abound. as long as a person can be mature and responsible for their actions we can vibe, yo.

#definitely plan to link this in rules or something #as a guide for newcomers #what a nice meme!#* verbatim ⟐ meme.

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callingallcars · 4 years

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...I'm scared. Are we actually going to have a war?

i have my own opinions on this, and im still in school learning how to interpret situations like this. I will aslo say, being from a western country and only in my third year of learning, while i try to expand my worldview as much as i can, it’s still limited. so if anyone with a more broadened sense of whats going on wants to add to this i encourage you to.

from what i can tell it is an escalated conflict at the moment, but if theres a few things im sure of its that the amount of wars between states (i think thats the proper translation of interétatique) ((sorry theres going to be a few phrases in here that are confusing because i only know them in french)) has declined rapidly since the end of WWII, and intrastate wars (within one state, think civil war) are much more commonplace, because war is fucking expensive as shit and the less other states (countries) have to get involved the better is is for their own economies (think war profiteering companies like Lockheed Martin being based in Canada and the US instead of within conflict zones in the middle east, even tho that’s where they sell them to) like the US hasn’t even paid for the last war they participated in. The likelihood that the US wants to put themselves even way further in debt and stretch their military even thinner is likely small.

i also know that a lot of people are anxious about the Russian and Chinese government’s involvement and whether or not they would back the Iranian forces. As it is with my point above, it really comes down to economics, and while the Chinese economy is massive and powerful, it pretty much depends solely on exports, which includes Canada and the US as main contributors. Canada itself imports (buys) 3-5x the amount of goods from China than we export (sell), 58 BILLION USD in 2018. i personally am not convinced that any government ever would be willing to lose that much profit in exported goods, even before u add the deficit that war would cost them.

I think maybe a proxy war in Iraq is unfortunately likely. I think the Iranian government has done some horrible things to its own citizens that we should also be way more concerned about. and I think we should remember that if you’re in a Western country ur chance of being “drafted” (forced to become a soldier) is definitely incredibly low, i think thats just dumb memes on twitter. I think we really need to remember that the people who will suffer most from this are innocent citizens in these countries in the Middle East.

and if anyone drops a comment or an ask thats even vaguely racist, islamophobic, xenophobic, white-nationalist/neo-liberalist-sounding etc, because ive already unfortunately started to see them on twitter, ill come to ur house and dropkick you, capiche?

I encourage you to check out not just news sources, but as well if u have an account with an educational institution of any degree, you should be able to get into peer reviewed and academically backed journals and books and articles on Databases like JSTOR, ResearchGate, ProQuest etc.

Honestly im still down for the count from the surgery, so I can spend all day doing research and trying my best to answer questions and point people to resources if anyone wants.

#tw war #tw surgery #tw conflict #war #conflict #surgery

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draw-you-coward · 5 years

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Hi! How is everyone? I wanted to talk about the Scions. Specifically, the Archons. Major spoilers for Shadowbringers!

I think what really helped me come to these conclusions was seeing all of them actively work together. specifically, seeing urianger in a context where he’s an actual character and not a deus ex machina! (side note: he’s honestly amazing in this expansion and i. love him??) I hope they keep this dynamic whenever it’s realistically possible!

So mostly, I want to talk about how the scions individually react to possibly groundbreaking events that have the possibility of changing their worldview. im speaking mostly about emet-selch’s “hydaelyn and zodiark were the first beings akin to primals” revelation. or more specifically, their separate reactions to that revelation. i think it’s very telling on how they each individually digest information. we, the players, may arrive to our own conclusions at our own pace, but we have to remember that for these characters, this is their world. their world view, being shattered. they all, to some degree, react negatively. they just show it differently, even if it’s not all that obvious.

i think that shadowbringers overall did a very good job of establishing their individual character dynamics, or more importantly, the idea that their major strength is also their major weakness.

let’s start with thancred. right away, his major flaw is apparent. in fact, a lot of people have gotten (rightfully) mad at him for it, although i think when he gets over himself and turns it around, it’s a lot more subtle. but i digress. with thancred, what he does with information he doesnt like is look at it, says “okay, i dont like that,” shoves it to the back of his mind to not think about, and tries to focus on whatever he wants to focus on in the immediate present. of course, it manages to bleed through regardless, and that’s where his doubts come from. and because he refuses to confront them head-on to deal with them, he has a very difficult time letting them go.

the actual first time when this comes to mind for me isn’t with ryne, it’s with the word of the mother in 3.X. (yes, it’s there with lahabrea too, but executed in a less clean manner, and people have already talked about that to death.) what he first sees is minfilia, the girl he’s attempted to look after primarily because of a sense of guilt, the girl who means the world to him, and whom he feels like, we know now, that he has never been sufficient enough for. (that theme of him feeling like he isn’t good enough is repeated multiple times with him, and it makes me wonder if it’s because of his manner of thinking.) but minfilia’s different now, in a strange and new and maybe not altogether comfortable way, and she’s drifting away from him now, and he can’t catch up to her to make up for all his regrets. he realizes this, realizes what’s going on, very, very quickly. in fact, i’d say that out of all of them, thancred is the one who is the quickest on the uptake. but he shoves his logical side away, and reacts emotionally, because he doesn’t want to acknowledge what he knows is true. in shadowbringers he does the same thing; he acknowledges minfilia’s words, and it is clear that he dwells on them despite himself, but he wants to react emotionally, in the moment. he is a very, despite his apparent distance, emotional person.

when he finally begins to get over himself accept the situation, it is in the tone of someone who is moving on from the loss of a loved one. he talks about how they met, how she grew up, what she liked. this is because he’s finally coming to terms with what he knew this entire time: that the real minfilia, his minfilia, died in that tunnel. the version of her that he is clinging onto in heavensward, in shadowbringers, is not her and all she used to be. it is not the “word of the mother” or the “oracle of light” or whatever she has turned into. it is but “minfilia,” but a memory, and he’s finally let it go enough to see it as such.

woo! okay. so moving on to how this works out for him in the best. honestly i dont think people acknowledge this enough, but he displays it time and time again? thancred is the one that is best equipped to deal with the present. to confront problems head-on without worrying about what may or may not happen, and without getting lost in the possibility of failure. he is by far the scion with the best ability to keep a level head. this is most apparent, to me, in aumarot. everyone one else is confused and lowkey freaking out or what have you, and thancred is the only one who has decided that no, what they really need at the moment is not to panic. what they need is calm, and confidence. and he is that. and you know what? he was right. and i think for me at least, he’s the biggest reason why I calmed down some at that point in the story.

next: y’shtola! I have less to say about the other scions, mostly because i wasn’t following their character arcs as closely or at all, but I do love them still!

y’shtola is the one who most visibly is struggling to handle emet-selch’s revelation. (you can talk to her now, at the time of the quest, or check your quest journal for confirmation of this). where thancred realizes things in a far more round-about manner--that is to say, figures them out, shoves them to the back of his mind, and tries not to think about them--she takes them by the horns and tries to confront them head-on. this gives her, in a way, tunnel vision. she is the loudest about her opinion, and the most direct. when emet-selch makes them by association question hydaelyn, she is the one who speaks up to defend her and their belief system. she is stubborn. it takes her a while to eat through something enough to 100% accept it.

but because of this, her conviction and belief in anything is strong. when she truly believes in something, she believes in it the most. she is the strength when the storm is finally over and she’s had time to build herself up. she isn’t afraid to force other characters to see the flaws in the way they are viewing things, or confront them when she knows she is in the right. yes, she can be harsh sometimes, but she is sorely needed. someone has to be sure of something here! in this way, she too is comforting. when thancred is calm, you know something is bad. when yshtola is calm, you know that whatever you have to worry about is surmountable.

urianger! my poor often-shafted elf giraffe man. he’s the one i had the most trouble puzzling out, so i may be completely wrong! but i’ll try my best :>

urianger is the one who has had this constant theme of showing up at the last moment to present something that he has thoroughly and completely thought about so he can be entirely certain of it. urianger’s way of dealing with things is to listen, listen some more, maybe go digging, and finally, only come to a conclusion when he knows every bit of information he can. he’s willing to work with ascians, he’s willing to go double-dipping in terms of sides, he’s willing to risk his friends’ trust. he is willing to take a long, long time to achieve a goal and know things only in full, and he has the patience to do so. he has the patience to deal with thancred in shadowbringers, to listen to what the exarch tells him to do, to bear with the whole plan, even as he sees things objectively keep getting worse. he’s not easy to rile up, he sees things as a whole instead of in parts... all of this really makes him a good teacher! it makes him a kind man. but.

he waits a little too long. what happens when you finally kill vauthry and emet-selch ruins everything? urianger’s carefully-laid plans go awry. suddenly, everything has gone wrong and he has no backup, because he never thought to make one. he has such conviction that his passivity is for the best that he stands by, barely intervenes, and decides to let things run their course even when warning signs are flashing in front of him. when things go wrong he fumbles, and doesn’t know what to do, because he isn’t used to that happening. up until shb, he’s taught himself that the path of inaction and support is the best one to take, and i am glad that he is finally being confronted with the realities of that. even with thancred and ryne; he can clearly see that their initial dynamic isn’t healthy, but he does absolutely nothing active about it. in the end, it is his very opposite force--entropy, chance--that fixes things with them. it’s interesting he became an astrologian, i think, because divination is something so abstract and vague that it allows him to stay in his comfort zone of not doing much to change things. fate is a fickle mistress, yes, but he leans a little too heavily on how things should be that he fails to see that everything in the present is in flux; that it is, in fact, dependent on the uncertain.

okay, that’s it! i think the three of them complement each other nicely with their respective strengths and weaknesses, and that’s why i hope they’ll keep that dynamic in the future! of course, if you disagree or want to correct me, please feel free; this is purely my own opinion, and i am very much putting myself in a position to be (respectfully) disagreed with by posting this. on the other hand, if you want to elaborate on something or add something, please also feel free! i’d love to hear your thoughts.

nae

#ffxiv #urianger augurelt #thancred waters #y'shtola rhul #urianger #thancred #y'shtola #shadowbringers spoilers #hhhhhhhh #discussion

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ofrevas-a · 5 years

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ALANARI’S RP PLOTTING CHEAT SHEET.

Want new-and-exciting plots for your character? Long to reach out to more of your followers, but don’t know where to start? Fear not! Fill out this form and give your RP partners both present and future all the of juicy jumping off points they need to help you get your characters acquainted.

Be sure to tag the players whose characters YOU want more cues to interact with, andrepost, don’t reblog! Feel free to add or remove sections as you see fit. Template here.

Mun Name: Nixe

OOC Contact: Tumblr IMs or Discord (mutuals only, preferred method)

Who the heck is my muse anyway:

Alanari is an exiled, raised-Dalish elf whose role in their main verse is the Herald, and later, Inquisitor. They were a scout with the benefit of middling magical talent, though they’re undertrained according to most standards.

Points of interest:

Alanari was exiled from their clan prior to the Conclave, and reactions from Dalish who know of their ‘crime’ can range from sympathy to hostility. Those who don’t have reason to know may make assumptions, and depending on their closeness, Alanari may correct them.

They’re an elvhen apostate who is initially suspected of murdering the highest-ranking human religious leader in Thedas, and even once their innocence is proven, distrust likely lingers.

At some point after the end of the main game, they’re openly in a relationship with an elf hailing from Tevinter. Whoops, more distrust.

They’re openly disdainful of nobility as a whole, without distinctions made for character or behavior. Their good opinion is hard-earned.

Not long after the first attempt to seal the Breach, Alanari attempts to flee Haven, only to be discovered and coaxed back by Solas.

They use their anger at the injustices committed by the world around them as a shield; to those who don’t care to look deeper, that anger is all they hold, and rather ineffectual, if also annoying.

What they’ve been up to recently:

They interrupt a ritual and get thrown into the Fade for it, then wake up to find they’re being blamed for events and deaths they can’t recall. They’re reluctant to stay when just about everyone around frightens them, and need encouragement to do so.

Eventually, they’re too involved to simply walk away (without being caught again), and soon after an enemy finally shows his face. It’s at this point that there’s no turning back, the responsibility outweighs their fear.

(following Trespasser)

They leave Orlais to return to the Marches, and their immediate goal is to warn other clans of an increased threat: not Solas himself, necessarily, but any who might fear what he might do and seek to remove his potential allies.

Secondary to this (but not in terms of less importance) is protecting what refugees they can from others who might prey upon them, from bandits to slavers. Humans (and Vashoth) are sent on their way once safe, and elves are given an offer of a life where they need not exist in fear.

Thirdly, they learn what they can about the magic which still lingers in forgotten corners of the world. They have no intention of opposing the veil’s removal, but seek to protect the elves as a whole from the aftereffects.

Where to find them:

Anywhere Corypheus is a threat, and where there are rifts. This canonically ranges as far north as Kirkwall, but I would be interested in the possibility of them even further from the epicenter, say, Rivain (given the PC can contact a seer there to help Cole) or even Antiva. Interestingly, a ship bound for Antiva on the night the Breach formed came into contact with a legendary ship once it had docked, one which appeared to be manned by spirits.

Additionally, a letter found during Trespasser states that at least one rift was present in Antiva City, and was closed in the spring preceding the Exalted Council.

Within Skyhold, they can be found in their tower, the sparring ring, the barns, and the forge, where it’s not quiet, but where they can have a moment to breathe (and being there reminds them of their father).

(post-Trespasser)

Hasmal

Ventus just before and during the Qunari attack

abandoned elvhen temples

(with even more plotting) in the paths built between eluvians

roaming the Marches and Nevarra

Current plans:

To keep Corypheus from conquering Thedas. A magister from a time when elves, no matter their origin, were even worse off than in modern day, gaining more power is unacceptable.

(post-trespasser) They finally walk away from the inquisition and all the power it’d given them, in order to live and chase their own desires without restriction.

finding and rescuing refugees

hunting slavers

learning all they can about the nature and formation of the Veil, as well as possible outcomes of it being removed

exploring undisturbed temples, hoping to find artifacts and lingering magic they can put to use protecting the elves under their protection

Desired interactions:

Arguments regarding the far-reaching decisions they make. One which comes to mind first is the aftermath of the Wardens being banished. Something I’d like to explore is the decision being temporary and is rescinded once Corypheus is out of the picture and thus no longer able to seize direct control of Warden mages, which is something that frightened Alanari immensely.

Threads with Briala’s other agents, whether canon or OC.

Plotted interactions following the conclusion of trespasser. Alanari leaves Orlais, but they don’t exactly turn into a hermit, they’re active in the Free Marches and sometimes sneak into Tevinter. Possibilities I’m especially interested in are those where they’ve never met, and so your muse wouldn’t recognize them immediately, though there’s also room for them to realize given basic knowledge of what had happened to Alana during Trespasser.

Offered interactions:

Devout Andrastian muses making assumptions about them based on popular rumor, whether those involve them personally, or the Dalish as a whole, and whether said devout muse is willing to be corrected or not. If the latter, there’s the potential for negative relationship-building.

Also regarding Andrastians: muses who believe wholeheartedly that Alanari’s god-touched, and either having that affirmed or discouraged based on who they are or the actions they take.

Comparing differences in magic backgrounds and even just how there are little-referenced distinctions between elvhen and human senses and talents.

In the case of another elf holding political power, Alanari coming to face that anyone is capable of subjugation, and the worldview changes which might stem from that realization. Trespasser builds on this theme, with the inquisitor taking control of events in ways that only hurt their reputation and ultimately forced a drastic change.

Anything else?:

I prefer at least a little plotting, no matter the verse. In their main, it’s less of an issue (they can go just about anywhere and have access to most world leaders), but in others, I need to establish reasons for there to be interactions, since Alanari is up to things which necessitate some secrecy.

Tagged by: @theharellan over a year ago. oops

Tagging: um. @magistersblade @burnpast @aniente (your choice!)

#slavery cw #long post ts #wishlist;

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seidrstuff · 5 years

Text

Happy 2019!

I've decided to do a post a month about the gods and maybe another one about other magic/issues/tidbits in the Norse worldview.

Before I get into all of that, this first post is a sort of miscellaneous "This is the grain of salt you should be applying to anything I write".

1. I have been a Norse worldview practitioner for 30+ years. That means I believe I know what I am talking about. HOWEVER, what I believe/have experienced is not "gospel". If anything I write here doesn't have that important factor of truthiness for you, don't use it.

2. I have read many primary sources on the historical Norse world (The Poetic and Prose Eddas, several of the sagas, contemporary writings by other historians about the Norse or Germanic people), as well as several secondary sources analyzing primary sources and works by other practitioners. I'm not as steeped in the lore as many Heathens, but I'm not a Heathen, rather Heathen adjacent. I use some practices that are outside of conventional Heathen practice. If anything I write here strikes you as contradicting some obscure bit of lore, I'm probably not making that choice because I am ignorant of that lore, but because it doesn't fit with my unproven personal gnosis (UPG).

3. I am speaking for myself and only for myself, not a community. While I will reference work by people I respect, I do not claim to speak for them or any other person. These definitions or observations are mine, based on years of experience, the study of sources and UPG. If I reference someone else's work, I will cite it.

4. I am a seidworker. Seidhr or seidr or seid or seithr or seith is a type of magic/energy work referenced historically in Iron Age Scandinavia, but there are indications that it was practiced earlier in history. Seid encompasses many practices commonly attributed to shamanic practitioners, such as weather-working, affecting people's thoughts/emotions/perceptions and spirit journeying. In the primary sources, there are stories of people using seidr to cause storms at sea, divination and change shape.

5. The historical accounts of seid practice are written with a bias against it, as magic practiced by women and submissive men. This is not a point of view I subscribe to. One of the quickest ways to get banned and/or the sharp side of my tongue is to come at me with Viking douchebro "seid is for the weak" or "seid is black magic" attitude. Seriously, don't do it. I'm willing to discuss the historical attitude, but I am not willing to get abused by idiots.

6. Often Christianized, as the Anglo Saxon healing charms as part of the various Reconstructionist movements, seid has been studied and reconstructed in various ways by various groups in the last 30 years. While seid shares a skill set with other paganisms, most specifically shamanism, the worldview, the cosmology, is Norse, with the Nine Worlds, the World Tree, the gods and goddess of the Germanic world and the spirits they recognized. To be clear, seid is closer to sorcery than shamanism in my practice.

7. There is a fine line between reconstruction and reenactment. I am not a strict reconstructionist. I am more of a revivalist, taking old ideas and using/transforming them for my here and now. As we do not live in medieval Scandinavia, some things must change to be relevant. And for those of us in the United States, the spirits of land, water, and sky are different here than the ones that live in Europe.

These spirits of place are just as important to seid practice as the gods or our ancestors and that practice is fraught/complicated by our settler narratives and genocidal colonialism. Part of my practice is reconciliation and reparation.

I'm sure more things will come up that I need to disclaim, but I'm going to go with this for now.

***

I plan to structure these posts with the lore first, which often starts with a story, then the filter, which is my UPG about the topic, then a list of sources for you to study further.

I am always open to questions, whether on a post or DM. Please, please, please question everything that crosses your sightline.

Sources:

The Poetic Edda by Snorri Sturlson trans.Carolyne Larrington (I like Larrington's translation better than Hollander's, I believe she reproduces the poetry better)

Norse Mythology by Neil Gaiman (I have other sources, but this one is my very, very favorite retelling in the spirit, rather than the facts, of what I believe)

Saga of Erik the Red Chapter Four

Nine Worlds of Seid-Magic by Jenny Blain (as much as I love this book, it has a problematic section on neo-shamanism. There is an important series of conversations that are happening in the seid community about cultural appropriation and the use of the term shamanism. This is one area where I will get it wrong because I’m still learning on this topic)

Trance-Portation: Learning to Navigate the Inner World by Diana Paxson

There are many other sources and I will add them as we go on.

And as always, your mileage will most certainly vary.

#seidr #norse polytheism

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foolgobi65 · 6 years

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What’s the deal with padmavati?

this is going to be a long long post im so sorry in advance.... to start off with, im a diaspora kid raised in a dominant caste hindu family, and i just finished watching this movie in hindi which is not a language i understand well so if i didnt catch some things im so sorry and please feel free to add more.

im basically going to separate the movie from the news event, and go further into why its both a bad movie and a bigoted one. the rest of this is under the cut

ok! padmavati/padmaavat (they had to change the name) as a movie and as a general News Item is .... a fucking disaster.

in terms of the news, the karni sena which is a hindu nationalist (terrorist) group decided that this movie was an affront to their ancestors and dishonored their “queen” padmavati. Padmavati is the character in a Sufi poem called the Padmavat, and thus did not actually exist. There was talk of some dream sequence where she got with Khilji, the antagonist but most people are pretty sure it doesnt exist. The Karni Sena and their ilk has turned to rioting since the Indian Supreme Court ruled that the movie should be allowed to play, and their latest act of Rajput Valor has been attacking schoolchildren to show India the true glory of their caste. Before the movie came out there was a bounty on Deepika Padukone’s nose, her head, the director Bhansali’s head, and threats by Rajput women to commit jauhar (burn themselves alive).

All of this, notably, without a great deal of interference and sometimes the tacit encouragement of the BJP government in power both within the provinces that are affected as well nationally.

This mess meant that the movie released about 2 months after it was supposed to, and created this idea that to watch it was to support free speech.

padmavaavat as a MOVIE is also a giant fucking mess.

it’s got a ridiculously regressive worldview, and the movie so far is casteist, sexist, islamophobic and homophobic. it is also a poorly written, plotted, and edited movie.

casteist: it glorifies the dominant rajput caste, does not include anyone from outside that caste at all, will not fucking shut up about rajput valor when its clear in the present that rajput valor and values has led to a lot of shitty things. within the movie the rajputs basically constantly lose yet are still somehow portrayed as winners. their biggest victory comes from padmavati, who is from Singhal (sri lanka) and uses her intelligence instead of just fronting about her “rajput values.” Also historically the rajputs didnt become winners until they surrendered to the mughals and became commanders of the mughal army. they’re huge losers who are trying to rewrite history because theyre a pathetic martial caste known for hundreds of their women burning themselves alive when the men lose a batttle.

sexist: the whole concept of jauhar is based on the idea that a woman’s chastity is more important than their life. 11 year old girls, pregnant women, it doesnt matter. A rajput woman cannot be allowed to live if there is even a glimmer of doubt that she may be touched by a man. Within this, she doesn’t even have the dignity to choose to die, and must ask permission beforehand from her husband. Are there women who might have wanted to live? Who knows? They’re all dead now, coerced into burning themselves alive. I’d also like to add that the movie never addresses the fate of the /non/ rajput women, which highlights a huge issue of caste and how it affects gender dynamics of hindu women. Dominant caste women are considered pure, and so they must die to preserve this purity. Other women are ignored -- if they are taken as slaves, it doesnt matter because the real victory is that khilji couldnt take the Rajput women.

Islamophobic: the entire movie exists to highlight the differences between the “perverse” “dark” “dank” “dirty” “insane” “cheating” “evil” Muslim, and the “clean” “light” “honorable” “pure” Hindu. The colors, the scenery, the food, and of course the characters themselves, all serve this insidious idea that Muslims are the savage invader, in India to plunder everything beautiful about it, especially its dominant caste women. By all nominal accounts, Khilji was a conqueror, and he acted like many conquerors did -- including, I might add, many “hindu” conquerors. If he was crueler than other conquerors, that is of course because of who he was as a person and not because of his religion. Khilji’s wife played by Aditi Rao hydari might have been the only actually good muslim character and even then she’s portrayed as the islamophobic victim muslim wife, trapped in a horrific marriage with a savage. There’s more to be said but like ... the foundation of this movie is the idea of a primordial culture clash which of course doesnt actually exist

homophobic: malik kafur is khilji’s eunuch slave general and he’s portrayed as being in love with khilji. its one sided, and theres one homophobic comment by the rajputs at some point. khilji maybe could be seen as reciprocating a little but tbh its all just to further this idea that khilji and co are savage, foreign (muslim) perversions. a few scenes directly contrast malik and khilji v padmavati and ratan and clearly, the hindu heterosexual couple is meant to be the good, pure, holy one. i will say malik/khilji was the only pair i was really rooting for, and this was an almost 3 hour movie meant to center on padmavati/ratan.

bhansali also lowkey exotified sri lanka and made it seem as like .. some foreign place with lots of buddha statues and like ... shes this strange jungle princess??? i appreciate the mention of buddhism in sri lanka/south india but i dont think she was shown to be buddhist so .... yikes. also it was 7 minutes but it was weird. he cant do anything right.

special shoutout to the absolutely horrific jauhar scene for valorizing and glorifying hundreds of dominant caste women killing themselves because their king is too incompetent to win in single combat. the way khilji wins is btw a pathetic attempt by bhansali to make his victory actually ratan’s victory even tho ratan is a huge loser who cheats on his first wife, drones on about his honor to the point where i want to kill him myself, has the military sense of a guppy fish, and is visibly proud that the love of his life wants to burn herself alive for him.

also SPECIAL shoutout to the end positioning of the battle between the rajputs and khilji as a “dharma yudh” or a war of righteousness. it is compared to rama v ravana, and the kurkshetra war and khilji v rajput is said to be the third war of righteousness, akin to these religious struggles. khilji is directly compared to ravana. its ridiculous. its dangerous. its horrific. of course the victory of truth in this instance is that the women khilji covets (only the dominant caste ones ofc) are burned to death. to position khilji (whose army carries flags that look EXactly like the pakistani flag) as the essence of pure evil, and the fight against him a righteous war of religion in this especially islamophobic time is disgusting. the writers should be ashamed.

As a movie, the dialogues which i admit i didnt fully understand are apparently overwrought, sappy and ridiculous.

the plot was too much, there were a bunch of plot points that could have been cut to make a better movie.

i was never convinced of the central love pair because there really wasnt anything about them that made me feel the other was worth being their one and only love. the falling in love process was rushed to the point that i think it should have been cut out altogether and the movie should have started with padmavati established as his queen.

the treatment of ratan’s first wife was horrific -- shes basically sidelined and is jealous a few times and then kills herself along with everyone in the fire. just ... bad writing all around.

the editing overall was bad. the editing of ghoomar to make the karni sena happy was atrocious.

i hated ratan, i liked padmavati for like 30 minutes maybe when she’s in charge of the kingdom and is smart, i liked khilji despite the ways he was villanized, i liked aditi rao hydari as khilji’s wife, i liked malik kafur. the visuals were fine but the battles looked weird.

overall its a shitty bigoted movie that people are watching because the movie itself is like ... soft bigotry and portrays a bigoted worldview but the karni sena hindu rajput terrorists are stupid and decided to throw a fit and stone schoolchildren. it became some free speech victory to go watch a movie that espouses the same worldview as the ones trying to shut it down bc 2018 sucks.

sorry for the long rambly reply, if you have any more questions feel free to ask! if anyone has more to add please do -- like i said theres stuff that i might not have caught given my privileged worldview

#padmaavat #padmavati #bollywood #crypticlance

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grumpyangeladvice · 7 years

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am i the only one who gets bothered when people are like “all your feelings are valid! all your memories are valid! no one is wrong! OwO🌸” bc like.............. it is extremely likely that some of the people who claim to be angels and have memories are just using that as a coping mechanism and convincing themselves that they have memories when they don’t, and that is ok i guess but like im just sayin

On the one hand, I understand that it’s good to let people know that their experiences and feelings are valid. There are a lot of people who legitimately need that kind of encouragement, and it’s good that they’re able to get it. On the other hand, I know exactly where you’re coming from, though I’ve got a bit different view on the situation.

(Due to the excessive length of this ramble, I’ve decided to put the bulk of it under the cut. Warning: Wall of text.)

From what I’ve been able to gather (admittedly, it’s not much, but it’s what I have to work with), the biggest reason someone in this community would want to fake having memories is the need to fit in. Let’s be honest, a lot of this community puts way too much stock into having memories and discussing them. If you don’t have any memories to share, it’s easy to feel disconnected from things, and like you don’t really belong. Faking (or forcing) memories is a fairly direct way of being able to engage with that part of the community, and as a result, feel like you’re a part of things.

With that said, I have a lot of issues with people faking (or trying to force) memories, especially because by repeating those false memories, a person can convince themselves they’re true. That makes it harder to dig up actual memories, and helps encourage the misinformation problem this community has going on. (See the string of posts starting with [this] for how I feel about the misinformation part specifically.) It also adds to the problem of people feeling isolated because they don’t have memories to share, and thus encourages more faked memories.

There’s also the point you bring up about the idea that “no one is wrong” when it comes to memories and such. If I had to guess, that whole idea stems from two (largely unrelated) things. The first is the desire to avoid offending anyone, or hurting anyone’s feelings. If no one’s memories are wrong, everyone gets to be equally valid, and no one has to feel bad about things. There’s some problems with that whole arrangement that I’ll get into in a bit here.

The second issue is one that reflects an ongoing problem in the metaphysical community as a whole: a blatant misunderstanding of theoretical physics. In this case, it’s specifically the Many Worlds theory of quantum mechanics. (Why is it always quantum mechanics?) The version that gets thrown around says that there’s infinitely many parallel universes where anything can be possible, because something something infinity, or some nonsense like that. The actual theory is more complex than that, but I’m gonna try providing an explanation as best I understand it. (Note that I have no formal education in physics, including quantum mechanics. I’ve just read a lot and seen some well done television programs on these subjects.)

Many Worlds theory basically says that for every event that can go multiple ways, each of those outcomes occurs simultaneously, with each one branching off into a “parallel universe” (using the term fairly loosely here) where that outcome is the one that “actually” happened. Our limited perception of the universe means that we can only follow one of those paths, however, and as a result we only experience one of those universes. There’s plenty more to it, and there’s a lot of math involved (this is physics, after all), but that covers the part we need to touch on for this ramble.

Now, Many Worlds isn’t widely accepted. There’s actually a lot of debate about it, and evidence in both directions. The important part to take away from this, however, is that Many Worlds does not cover wildly different versions of reality, at least not in reasonable proximity. Sure, there might be a universe where earth developed an atmosphere with a different composition that resulted in a purple sky instead of a blue one, but there’s billions of years between now and then, and the branches are going to be separated by countless other branches along the way.

Combine that with Occam’s Razor, and the simple result is this: If two people have contradictory memories of something from the High Angelic Period, one of them is probably wrong. It might be their mis-remembering something (because memory is rarely perfect), they might be mistaken about something, they might be just making things up to fit in... Whatever the case may be, one of those two people is probably wrong, and this community has some major issues accepting they can be wrong.

Which brings me back to the problem with trying to please everyone. When you’re dealing with metaphysics of any kind, you need to be willing to question just about everything. (This is also good advice for life, but that’s a separate rant.) If someone tells you that the only way to talk to “God” is through them, you question why they’re the only way to do it. If someone tells you that it’s dangerous and/or irresponsible to channel large quantities of energy without invoking a higher power, you question why you need a higher power to do your work for you. (Protip: You generally don’t, if you actually learn to do the work properly to begin with.) Question everything. Ask why things work the way they do. Ask why you feel like doing things a particular way is best. Ask if your memories of past lives are real, or if they’re a figment of your imagination. Because sometimes, what you thought was Absolute Truth turns out to be wrong.

By trying to please everyone, you remove the ability for people to encourage that questioning. Sometimes, you need someone from outside of your worldview to say, “That doesn’t make any goddamn sense. The hell are you thinking?” It forces you to examine your beliefs and figure out if they’re actually right. A lot of the time, you’ll find that your beliefs are right (for you, at least), and that reaffirms your faith. Sometimes, though, you take that hard look at things and realize you need to reassess things. Maybe you realize you can just ring up God on your own, without someone else to pass the message along. Maybe you realize you don’t need higher powers to get things done. Maybe you realize Michael wasn’t a soft smol bean, and was an obedient soldier fulfilling the will of a jealous and angry bastard with a desperate need to assert dominance. (Yes, I am bitter. I am very bitter.)

Sometimes, you need to look someone dead in the eye (metaphorically, in the case of online interaction) and tell them, “I think you’re wrong.” And when that happens, the response shouldn’t be, “Everyone’s valid, no one is wrong, uwu.” It should be more along the lines of either, “I’ve reassessed my beliefs, and I know I am not wrong,” or, “You’re right. I might be wrong about things, and I’m going to work on figuring that out.” I know that it sucks to be wrong about things, but the only way to learn is to accept when you don’t actually know something.

I hate to put it like this, but I can’t think of a better way to phrase this: In a lot of very important ways, this community needs to grow up. I know there are a lot of kids in the community, but I’m damn sure there’s a fair number of adults around who aren’t helping things any. I know there are a lot of people who don’t take us seriously, and a big part of that is that we don’t take ourselves seriously. Start questioning things, both your own shit and other’s. Break up echo chambers and start letting conflicting opinions cross your view. Accept that sometimes, those conflicting opinions are right.

Sure, everyone is valid, but that’s because they’re human beings who deserve respect and kindness, just like everyone else. Not all memories are valid. Some are tainted by pop culture (rants on that are [here] and [here]). Some are faked to try to fit in. Some are just plain wrong. The sooner we start accepting that, the sooner we can start getting a clear image of what actually happened, and start growing as a community.

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