#if i start getting threats about my fandom opinions again i might lose my mind | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

arcadialedger · 3 years

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Please note that I am most likely leaving this platform. I am done being abused. But first? We need to have a discussion. A discussion about hate and bullying in fandom.

All online-- I encourage you to read my story below. Reblog and spread awareness. The Dragon Prince fandom especially -- I implore you read my words, every single one of them. The short of it is that I am done.

This all began with losing and being blocked by a friend because I shared something they disagreed with. I don’t care what you feel about my initial reaction to this (which I’ll explain below) -- I’ve apologized for not handling the situation correctly. But I will not be shamed for speaking my mind and standing up for myself.

Because no human being deserves to go through what I have endured since last summer.

Following the “callout” post made about me by one of, if not the largest blogs in this fandom, I received hundreds of threats, harassment messages, and death threats. Messages and posts telling me to kill myself were also prominent, on a multiple times a week basis for awhile.

Messages from people who were well aware I have struggled with being suicidal. Due to one of their favorite Dragon Prince blogs speaking out against me, they thought it was okay to suicide bait me.

And it worked. I already struggle with hating myself, am already insecure, and being flooded with these comments which, while I made mistakes, did nothing to deserve, drove me to try and take my own life after years of progress in my mental health.

Mind you, this is like a 200 follower to 4k follower power dynamic. Which yes, plays a role-- because when you have a large following and influence, you have power. Yet the person behind this had the gall to claim Tumblr clout isn’t real.

People blocking and condemning others instantly at your word? Is power. If people read your words and are influenced, or have their minds changed, or buy or don’t buy something, etc.-- you are an influencer. You have power. And when you’re one of the largest blogs in a fandom, you have a LOT of power.

So take responsibility.

I was hurt because I lost a friend who I had chatted with for months, did a podcast with, and was generally not only one of my favorite blogs but the center of my experience in the Dragon Prince. I may not have been perfect in my words, but when I was asked why I was quiet/ inactive, I explained how I was hurting, anonymously. I was understandably in pain and upset. I had been cut off for just having a different opinion on a matter, for thinking differently. Even though it was within their rights to block and do so, it felt wrong and it weighed on me.

Is that such a crime?

The callout post and previously described abuse followed, lasting for months until later in the year (this began in June, or around then). It also included screenshots of tweets, when this user does not have Tumblr, and they have stated to have screenshots stored up on their computer of my various posts and interactions. This is creepy behavior, and freaked me out. I felt like I was being stalked, “evidence” being filed away for the very purpose of being used against me.

I eventually talked things out with the blog per recommendation of my therapist, and thought all would be fine. For a little while, it was. I largely stayed off of Tumblr to heal. Once in awhile I would have a rough, tearful night because something reminded me of what I lost, but I would make it through. Overall, I was making progress.

Then? My Twitter got hacked by one of the people sending me hate. For what had turned out to be much. And after they tweeted some purposefully incriminating and bigoted things to make me look bad, I came home from a weekend in the mountains to a shitstorm.

Twitter has a love hate relationship for me and I barely opened the app unless actively chatting with a friend. So when I saw 700+ notifications, I was surprised. It had never happened before.

I began to scroll through, and when I saw what had happened, I ran to the bathroom and threw up.

I had lost over half of my followers and a solid 60% of previous Twitter mutuals had blocked me. But worst of all, I had hundreds of hate tweets directed at me replying to the hackers tweets. Messages had been sent in DMs and accounts blocked, followed, and unfollowed as well.

If you have never felt that loss of agency-- that sickening feeling of words you never said next to your profile-- be glad. Because it is traumatic. I value my words. I value what I have to say. And having that taken from me was worse than anything I had been through here on Tumblr, outside of the suicide baiting (the most direct attack to me and my emotions/ insecurities throughout this entire ordeal). Further, this hacker had clearly stalked my tweets based on some of their comments.

Hundreds of tweets bashing me, calling me aphobic slurs (knowing I am asexual mind you, as it was in my bio), making fun of my appearance and targeting all of the insecurities which lead to my first suicide attempt in high school, and taking/ editing images of my face and mocking them. This all culminated in a doxing threat-- a doxing threat which made me feel unsafe on a campus I had already been sexually assaulted on. I was once again, after starting the healing process, thrusted back into the darkest time of my life and spiraled into anxiety and depression. I cried a lot overwhelmed by it all, had difficulty sleeping, and felt sick. I started fall semester and couldn’t concentrate on school. I was a mess.

I had once again been condemned, this time for something I had no part in. I tried to example what happened but nobody listened. I had been hung without trial. People were understandably confused, and my entire reputation on the platform, and my page, became a mess of lies, misunderstandings, and more.

If you don’t know the feeling of already hating yourself and being insecure, and having these beliefs reinforced and spread by hundreds publicly across the internet? Of already feeling lonely and unwanted and having the one space you thought you had taken from you? Consider yourself lucky.

I had a lot of voice actors and creators following me-- accounts I interacted and greatly cherished my mutual with. A handful of them unfollowed, understandably. This online hate mob was sending messages to people demanding they unfollow me, including some of these creators. They had no idea what to make of this mess or what was real and true and just didn’t want to deal with it. Most of the others just stopped interacting with me. @aaronwaltke (tagging so those who don’t follow already click and do so, because he is absolutely fantastic-- he’s a writer for ToA) who had followed me on the platform, graciously wished me peace with the entire situation after I checked to make sure he had not been subjected to messages or hate, either from my hacker or other accounts. His was the greatest compassion I got on Twitter, before I ultimately ended up just having to delete.

I lost podcast deals because of this with Adrian Petriw, Aaron Ehasz, and Justin Richmond. I do not blame them one bit and would have done the same in the confusion not wanting to get dragged into anything.

Only to have one of the friends I lost who helped start this interview these very people on their own podcasts. A slap in the face. A zine I had bought to support them came to my door, with the front page proclaiming to “spread a narrative of love.”

I was never granted that chance. That compassion. I had the vultures sent after me with no mercy. And anyone who has been through online abuse and systemic harassment knows just how much it feels like they’re slowly but surely picking at your flesh ( a metaphor I used in one of my old, since deleted posts discussing the situation, and still find accurate), wearing you down until you have no strength left.

Make no mistake, my story is not a one off situation. Many share the same tale of abuse and being driven off of platforms that once gave them great joy. These attacks are coordinated, systemic, and common hobby for these people-- who largely claim to be loving and accepting of all. They are a cyberbullying phenomenon which has risen with the presence of fandom on the internet. And I want to make clear, with current discussions of “cancel culture”, I mean nothing political in that statement. Some might call my experience cancel culture, but I don’t.

It’s just bullying. It’s just hate. These people get off on ruining people’s lives.

And my life was greatly set back and ruined. I had a stain on my past in fandom I could never be rid of. I had to shut down my podcast, took time off of all social media, and most of what I had built, most of my growth, was taken from me while those who incited and/ or spread hate thrived and continued to grow and find success. That was the greatest sting of all.

I asked the one previous friend who hadn’t blocked me, but had just stopped interacting with me (which I understood and respected, and also greatly respected her perspective, help, and support though this situation in which she largely unfortunately ended up in the middle) for help after explaining everything, and got nothing. They didn’t seem to care, and just blocked me on all platforms. Once in awhile, I would find I was cut off from yet another old friend, or a blog that I had never interacted with before but clicked into, interested. It hurt being cut off, unable to fully interact with the fandom, but I could move on.

That pain would never go away, but I made clear I did not blame them for the actions of those who abused, harassed, and threatened me. I also made it clear they did not owe me anything, including unblocking.

I just wanted to move on peacefully, but those with the power to enable that did not wish to help. I slowly, when I felt ready, began to be more active on Tumblr again, and once again the hate started up.

Sometimes when I was hurting, I expressed my pain and loss to my followers just to reach out, because I was sad. I had no idea how to rebuild from all that had happened. This got me more hate an accusations of emotional manipulation and gaslighting. I had no idea what to do, and got trapped in a cycle of needing to talk about it, and getting hate and backlash, but not knowing where else I could turn.

My doxer came back into my asks, ultimately making me switch schools, and refueled the drama. Speaking up about this got me more backlash-- mostly accounts reblogging (one with tags saying “fuck you”, despite not knowing the full story, and commenting and then blocking me so I could do nothing to respond or get it off of my page. I deleted all posts of the matter, as requested by these people (who validly pointed out they were in the main fandom tags, which I hadn’t thought of and understood), and hoped to move on.

But it hasn’t stopped. I have been beaten down and emotionally bruised for months. I have had my life and safety threatened, my education and by extension life path altered, and lost work (podcast) opportunities due to this-- alongside the irreversible emotional damage from trauma and abuse. My mental health issues and insecurities-- which I have been very open about to destigmatize the subjects and encourage conversation-- were actively targeted to inflict the most pain possible.

And I can’t even talk about it, without enduring more hate and accusations of “playing the victim”.

Death threats, suicide baiting, doxing, months of bullying and harassment to the most vile degree, which a lot of these people don’t know about because they don’t even bother to read my words. Yet I’m playing the victim.

And the accusations of bigotry and being hateful hurt, because it couldn’t be further from what is in my heart. I believing in love and acceptance of all. I don’t know how many are religious here, but I found God after my first suicide attempt and that is what his word has taught me.

I’ve been through too much in life to tolerate this, for lack of a more eloquent term, bullshit. I know what abuse and victim blaming looks like when I see it. And in my 20 years of life, I have gone through too much: constant ridicule and bullying, suicide attempts, sexual assault, major spinal surgery, to just be stomped over and not stand up for my right to basis human decency.

I refuse to put up with this, so unless I get an apology and some semblance of justice for everything I have been through, I am leaving. I will not participate in a space run by hate and toxicity. I will never claim to be perfect, and I have apologized for my mistakes and wrongdoings. Now, hold those who did this accountable. If you’re reading this you know very well who it was, and I am not naming them for those who don’t. Because at the end of the day I still send nothing but love and wish no ill will towards them.

But I’ll be damned if I don’t expect accountability of one of the greatest influencers in the fandom for their complacency in abuse, threats, suicide baiting, and and absolute ruining of my life and online experience. They enabled this and were well aware they had the power to stop it-- to ask their followers to stop-- and did nothing. They didn’t care-- about a human’s life and well being.

@dragonprinceofficial, are you aware that this is what many of the fans of your show, which preaches love and an end to the cycle of vengeance, do to others? That this is happening in your space? If you stand at all by the values you preach, condemn it. @staffTumblr/ @supportTumblr-- shame on you for allowing this abuse to happen and ignoring my reports. Shame on you for permitting these people to operate in your platform and for being okay with hosting hate. People have been driven to suicide on your website-- I am one of the lucky ones.

If you care at all about humanity and stand against this behavior, reblog and spread awareness. Share my story so I may not happen to anyone else. Tag @dragonprinceofficial until they notice and speak out.

This is my story, and so many others. Make sure it doesn’t happen ever again. No human being deserves to be treated how I was. Everyone deserves compassion, decency, and respect. And everyone deserves a place in fandom. Do better. If you want to reach out to me DMs are open, as well as my email, which is attached to my account. Until this change happens and I am given the support/ help needed to safely function on this platform, this blog will not be active outside of that.

Thank you all of the many accounts who have supported me, and I am working on getting back to all who have reached out! Your love means the world. You know who you are, and I don’t want to tag in case people come after you for showing me kindness. I am sorry if this is goodbye, to all that have enjoyed my blog. I enjoyed it for a long time too. I loved sharing my passion for stories, culture, having a space where I could analyze and discuss my favorite things. I loved getting to share what I had to offer with the world, having fun and posting jokes with my unique sense of humor. I loved interacting with intelligent people/ fellow fans and discussing my favorite stories, offering each other new insights and growing together. I loved the many, many kind and wonderful people who reached out to me in a variety of ways and provided support and friendship.

In the end, it just isn’t worth all of this pain and trauma, and I know when to put my foot down. I don’t want pity, I don’t want apologizes, and I’m not a martyr. I just want my story to make a difference-- to spur positive change in fandom culture/ spaces. I will be tagging all fandoms in which I have seen this kind of abuse present as well, to reach as many as possible.

Be safe, and be kind.

- The Arcadia Ledger/ Ryn/ Katie, signing off.

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kiribakuhappiness · 3 years

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How do you deal with the hate comments you get?? (Not that I think the last ask was particularly hate or anything) but I never see hate stuff on your blog or in your comment sections either. I feel like I see tend to get them a lot abd sometimes I don't know how to handle them :( love your work!!! Sorry if this is rude to ask...

Not rude at all - but there's a lot to unpack here, so I’m really sorry if I ramble or go off on a few tangents in my answer!

The short answer is: I don't deal with hate comments.

The medium answer is: It depends on the type of 'hate' that I’m receiving.

The longer answer is this:

I have been really lucky (I think) to have been able to grow a little community on this blog of similar, like-minded people who enjoy the same things that I do (Tsundere characters, characters that can help show more representation in the Alphabet Mafia community, dumb boys who deserve to just be dumb boys, etc). I've rarely received any hate comments since my time here on Tumblr, and I think there's a lot of reasons for this.

1.) If someone comes rearing into my Ask box just LOOKING for a fight (ie, random death threats from Anons, homophobic comments, an obvious attempt to bait me into some kind of long-winded debate, etc) I simply just do not deal with it. Those people (especially Anons) are just looking for a reaction out of you. They want you to get upset, to post some long rambling defense, to be snarky and rude back to them, that's what they want.

But at the end of the day, I don't owe any of them a response. Hell, I don't owe anyone a response if I don't want to answer something.

But I answer Asks because I like talking with people, and getting all amped up and excited over the same things, that's part of the fun of creating and sharing that creative work online and being an active part of the fandom. I LOVE hearing from the people that follow this blog (even if I don't always get the chance to respond to all of them) because I know that they're happy or excited enough to hit that Ask button and send me a message, and that makes me feel good to know that I was able to get them so pumped up!

But those Anons aren't looking for that kind of connection. Most of the time, they’re not even looking to have a mature discussion, even if that’s how they come across at first. They're looking to hurt. To ridicule and make fun of, to make me and my followers feel bad or low. And, most of the time, the people who are sending that hate are young. So young. Like... way younger than what you might be picturing in your head right now.

So when I get the really bad hate - the hate that makes your skin feel hot, the hate that spikes your blood pressure, the hate that makes you start typing in a blind rage because you want to hurt them just as much as they've just hurt you - then they've already won. And I'll be damned if I let myself be led by the hand right into a losing battle.

So I simply do not engage. I don't reply with some snarky comment thinking I'm oh-so clever, I don’t reply in a holier-than-thou manner because I think I’m just so much better than them, and I don't reply with a long rambling post about why they're wrong and why they're childish and why they're hateful because that in itself is a hateful act, and I have far more important things to be spending my time and my energy on than fighting with a random on the internet and fueling that (quite frankly, pointless) hatred.

When I don't respond, the anon grows bored. Why send hateful things into someone's Asks if they aren’t even going to showcase it to all of their loyal followers? The reason you don't see hate on this blog is because I simply do not allow them to sink their roots into this soil. I pull them out like weeds and refuse to let them grow here.

I also don't respond because, while I may be able to take a death threat or a homophobic slur with gritted teeth and a roll of the eyes and keep on going about my day, some of my followers may not be mentally or psychologically equipped to see such rude backlash. They range from pre-teens to adults, and when they choose to follow me and my blog, I see it as a responsibility on my end to shield them from that unnecessary hatred. There's no need for them to see such toxicity, and so I act as a stubborn guard blocking the front gates. This temple is for relaxation, for laughter and excitement and love, and I'll protect it until the day that I decide to send that last post and go off to do something else with my life.

2.) Another reason that I believe that I don’t get much hate on this blog is because I don’t cross-platform my content. Does this lower the visibility of my work? Sure. I don’t have a Twitter, or a Youtube, or a TikTok, or an Instagram. This blog is just that - this blog on Tumblr, with a link to my AO3 for my writing. And while that limits my audience and perhaps bottlenecks my views, the safeguard it brings from distancing from toxic mindsets that tend to leak into the more problematic social media sites is well worth it, in my opinion.

I don’t write these stories for kudos and hits. I don’t write these stories to push out as much content as possible, to gain a following as quickly as I can, to reach the entirety of the fandom. I don’t want that. I want to write stories to get better at writing, I want to write about the boys because I crave more gay representation and quite frankly I am obsessed with Bakugou as a character and how much fun it is to write from a Tsundere mindset.

If other people happen to find my work and they like it too, then that’s so awesome! But the extent of my dedication to this blog is just that, my own dedication to something I love and something that brings me joy.

3.) The final reason that I think why I don’t get a lot of hate comments or hurtful asks is because I put a lot of pride and effort into my fics. When I write a piece of work that contains heavy levels of smut, I work really hard to make them realistic, to make the characters motives and emotions clear and concise, to showcase a healthy depiction of what it means to be sexually attracted to and/or engage in sexual activity with someone that a person cares very deeply about.

I see a lot of smut centered around the bnha fandom, and there’s nothing particularly wrong with that, in my opinion, but sometimes I do see things that I personally feel are a little tactless. They’re not handled well, or they promote toxic behaviors, or it really is incredibly self-indulgent and sometimes grossly ignorant.

However, just like with the hate that I sporadically receive in my Asks, it’s of my own personal belief that if I see something I don’t like or don’t agree with on the internet, then I simply do not engage with it. I don’t give it the attention that it so desperately wants to get out of people, I don’t give it a platform to grow on, I refuse to allow it to think that it has the upper hand anywhere in the situation.

I am entirely in control of the things that I promote on this blog, and I take that responsibility very seriously. It’s why I refuse to reblog art if it’s so obviously not being posted by the original artist (there are SEVERAL kiribaku blogs I have seen gaining popularity recently that simply post art from other artists without any credits or any permission). I have even seen several of my own mutuals reblogging art from those particular blogs, and so I find it incredibly important to be diligent in which accounts I reblog art from.

That being said - I’m not perfect. I’m a human being behind this account, a singular entity the runs the entirety of this blog, ever growing and learning and working every day to be better than I was the day before, and sometimes I make mistakes.

Sometimes I reblog stolen art, and need a follower to nudge me in my inbox and let me know that it’s stolen and where to find the original art, so that I can take the responsibility of deleting the stolen post and reblogging the original content to show support for the original artist. Sometimes I write something in a fic that (to me, from my own experiences) I might not consider to be harmful or inappropriate, but that might be damaging in a way that I may have never considered before because I had grown so used to receiving that kind of treatment myself that I fail to see its toxicity on my own, and so when people come to me with genuinely helpful constructive criticism, I feel it is my duty as a writer to be level-headed and humble enough to admit that perhaps what I have grown so accustomed to is just that - behavior I’ve simply grown accustomed to - and to then take a good hard look at that example and make a decision about whether I want to change it or not.

The important thing to remember is that we’re all entitled to our own opinions and feelings, but that we’re also individually responsible for the way that we react to these types of circumstances.

Becoming defensive, becoming enraged, becoming aggressive, becoming jaded - these things don’t do anything but make a situation worse.

That’s why I love Bakugou so. fucking. much. He IS all of those things. Defensive. Easy to anger. Inherently aggressive. And Horikoshi is teaching him through many trials and errors why those types of behaviors will be his inevitable downfall, why falling into the pit of ‘you hurt me, so I must hurt you back’ leads only to repeated failure and internal anguish, why you will forever be forced to run in place and can never continue to grow and move forward if you’re so busy ignoring the reality that we are all humans, that we are all flawed, that we all experience the same emotions, even if we don’t agree with them or think that they’re justified.

The reason I love Bakugou’s character so much is because he is so deeply flawed, he is told time and time again that he is the epitome of a villain, and yet he refuses to accept that. He refuses to believe that he is anything other than the greatest hero-to-be, and he’ll push his bruised ego and damaged pride aside time and time again to relearn what has already been so solidly ingrained into his being, to continuously be watching and listening and learning while still whole-heartedly remaining unabashedly true to himself, to know that he came to this amazing hero school and is being taught by these incredible heroes “not to learn what he can do, but to learn what he can’t do.”

So, to wrap up this entirely incoherent rambling mess of a response that you no doubt didn’t care to read about, I deal with hate the same way that I deal with everything else; circumstantially, and with as much empathy as I can possibly muster.

If it’s random hate just looking for attention and wanting to hurt, I refuse to give them a stable platform to stand on or an audience to be subjected to. I force them to go somewhere else, cause it’s no fun to hit someone over and over again who refuses to ever hit back. If it’s in regards to my fics, I think I work really hard to provide healthy representation work for this fandom, to showcase the characters in not only challenging situations but also how they can realistically overcome them, and to create an environment where love can be seen as just that, love.

Whether it’s with Bakugou and Kirishima learning how to recognize their own weaknesses and become better people because of them, or whether it’s with Bakugou and Hikaru discovering that experiencing love and relenting in trust doesn’t make them weak but in fact makes them infinitely stronger than they will ever consciously realize, the end result is always the same. I just want to share stories, hopefully ones with positive messages, that make people feel things and maybe might teach them a lesson or two along the way.

I hope this somewhat answered your question anon! Sorry it’s so long and jumbled but is anyone really surprised anymore? When you ask me a question like this, just know I am always going to go off on a long tangent :,D

If you’re ever experiencing a situation where you feel harassed or unsafe or you want advice on how to properly handle a situation, please feel free to reach out to me, and we can work together to try and come up with a mature, responsible solution!

Happy reading!! xx

#dealing with hate #there I go rambling again oops sorry ahaha #personal #asks

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alison-anonymous · 3 years

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I Want to Write a Mikayuu Series

Okay.

So um.

If you're reading this, HELLO. All of you long time ONS fans probably don't know me, but I'm Alison and I'm a hardcore Mikayuu, Mitsunoa, Gureshin, etc shipper. I've been in the ONS fandom for almost a year and dear god. The amount of people telling me that Mikayuu is queerbait is just making me really sad 😅 I'm a writer, and I'm the type of person who honestly feels like the author of a series should have the ability to choose how a story ends without influence of their readers. I mean, if it's their story, then it should be their ending, right? However, I also do have some qualms when it comes to how this "love triangle" between Yu, Mika, and Shinoa is being portrayed. This is entirely my personal opinion, but I feel like Shinoa seems to be forcing herself to love Yu. I honestly don't think she cares for him in a romantic way, but more of a very deep-rooted admiration or even envy that she's trying to convince herself to be romantic love. And Yu has said multiple times that he values Mika's life above his own, that he doesn't know what he would do without him if he were to die again (I mean the fact that he suffered seeing his best friend and potential lover die a first time was definitely scarring enough, PLEASE STOP TORTURING OUR POOR BABIES). And it's basically confirmed by now that when Mika said I love you in the manga, it was in the romantic sense. Even though I wish, I hope, I dream, and I pray that Mikayuu will become canon, I honestly can't say for certain what I think will happen. I think it could sway any way, with Mikayuu becoming canon, Yu and Shinoa becoming canon, or it being one of those ambiguous endings where it's heavily implied but nothing actually happens. And in order to make myself feel better when stuff like this happens, I tend to rewrite the entire story with the ending that I would have liked to see ;)

You're probably wondering where the hell this stranger is going with this. Well, I want to write a book. A series, actually.

One that's inspired by Seraph of the End.

Now, if you're interested in hearing me out, then feel free to keep reading. But if not, continue on with your scrolling, no hard feelings. But if you do, and I really hope that you do, give me a chance to explain.

I want to write a series inspired by Seraph of the End called Bloodsucker (working title, obviously). And this series is going to be a reimagination of ONS with an ending that I would have loved to see in the anime and manga. I plan to have three main characters (please keep in mind that I'm going to have name changes): Yuichiro, Mikaela, and a brand new character, Epic.

Now, I would begin this series a bit before the anime and I'm assuming the manga begins. I'd start with introducing our main three characters as they meet in the orphanage (yes, Epic would be a part of this orphanage as well) and how Epic and Yu try to make moves to run away only to be stopped by Mika and Akane.

I plan to include a scene between Epic and Akane where Epic tries to run out in the middle of the night only to be stopped by Akane, and this is what caused Epic to develop a crush on her (Epic is a girl btw). Then I would begin the whole shit with the vampires and how they set the world on fire and shit, but instead of the apocolypse, I'd make it so that most of the adults died in the fire while the kids were taken alive (because young blood is better and whatnot). This includes our little Hyakuya family. The directors would have tried to trade the kids lives for their own, and due to their selfishness, the vamps killed them and took the kids anyway.

This would begin my first story arc: the prewar.

Epic, Akane, Mika, and Yu would all be living under the vampires at this point along with the rest of the kids in their orphanage. I plan to include lots of moments of bonding that heavily imply Epic loves Akane even though she doesn't know it yet and Mika loves Yu, but Yu is fucking oblivious. The four begin to plot their escape, but while Mika and Akane (yes Akane too) are making deals with the vampires to help out with their family, Epic is constantly finding herself getting dragged along to visit Queen Krul. The pink haired vamp has a soft spot for her for some reason and often tells her that Epic and her family are "special" or sum shit. And she's super confused and semi grossed out. But none of the vamps ever dare to hurt her so she thinks it's fine. Then one day they all plot their escape and it's much more planned out and lengthy and less rushed than it is in the anime. Things almost seem to work out until the vampires stop them

And Mika and Akane DIE.

I know. I'm horrid.

Epic is standing here in shock as she watches the love of her life die before her and Mika BEGS for Yu to take Epic and run while they can. So while in the series only Yu survives, he obeys Mika and both him and Epic survive this. They're found by Guren (a new character I haven't come up with yet lol) and Yu is super protective over Epic, not wanting anyone to take the only piece of his family he has left (he's a fucking mess without Mika let's just be honest) and Guren ends up taking them under his wing.

Now we hit the second arc. Still with me?

The War.

Hold onto your hats everyone because this is where shit is about to get complicated. So I do plan to have a bit of a time skip into the current spot where Yu and Epic are attending school with Guren as their father figure and they've become very close. So close that Yu refuses to work with anyone else but her. They end up getting onto Shinoa Squad (obviously going to be completely different in my version) and they get put onto the battlefield. But here's the catch. Well, two catches.

Yu and Epic do have demon weapons. I do plan to try to incorporate that into this. BUT the backstory is different. I plan to make it so that the vampires obviously see the humans as fies. Insignificant things that are more playthings than threats. And they didn't want to have to deal with killing all of them, so they sent demons in their place to handle it. But the humans were able to form deals or "contracts" with the demons and therefore turned the vampires' own secret weapon against them.

Now, catch no. 2

So, Epic, Mika, and Yu aren't seraphs in this. But they are something else. I'm going to try to explain this as simply as I can, but each of them (besides Mika since he doesn't have a demon) have 3 souls inside their body:

Soul 1 is their current soul, the one that identifies as Mika or Epic or Yu.

Soul 2 is their demon soul, like what Asuramaru is to Yu.

And soul 3 is their archangel soul (I might change that name later on).

So I'm just going to come right out and say it. In this series, Epic is the villain.

Yes.

You read that right.

Epic is the villain. But she doesn't know that she is. These Soul 3s were reincarnated into the current bodies of Mika, Epic, and Ari (and I know that's not exactly how it works but screw logic this is just a fucking concept) from their lives centuries ago.

These souls existed way before vampires existed and Epic (or Essie) was very close friends with Yu (or Aytigin). Aytigin was in love with Haru (Mika) but for one reason or another, they couldn't be together. Essie wanted to do something, willing to do anything to make the two of them happy. So she made a deal that brought the vampires into creation so that Haru and Aytigin could be happy. She was willing to sacrifice everything that they stood for so that the two of them could be in love together.

She had good intentions, but of course Haru and Aytigin were furious because now the vampires were turning against the humans and they all basically died. Until they were reborn respectively, but unknowingly.

Now picking back up in the present, Yu and Epic are fighting in one of the main battles and the two are very confused when the vampires make a very deliberate attempt not to hurt Epic. They're unsure as to why, but Guren tells them not to worry about it.

Suspicious bastard.

Anyway, it's revealed finally that MIKA IS ALIVE

BUT HE'S ALSO DEAD

Yes he is a vampire. And Yu falls in love all over again upon seeing him, and after a bunch of struggling, Epic gets kidnapped. At first she gets strangled by Lacus and then she gets kidnapped by Ferid who doesn't kill her surprisingly.

Oh and uh... Ferid is nice in this. He's still a fucking creep, but he's a lot nicer than he is in the series. I plan to make Queen Krul or whoever I turn her into be the villain.

Anyway, they take Epic back to the vampire palace or whatever and Queen Krul and Epic are reunited! And Krul is the one who reveals to Epic exactly who she, Mika, and Yu are and this is what sparks Epic's fall to insanity.

I mean, she's the killer. She's the one who brought them into this world. She's responsible for every death the vampires cause.

I would go crazy too.

So, she manages to escape (partially thanks to Mika) and the two join Yu and the others again and it's revealed a second time exactly what is going on. And while no one actually blames Epic on the Shinoa Squad, that doesn't stop people like Kureto and even herself from blaming.

And this causes her demon to go haywire.

She begins losing her marbles, almost killing her teammates and trying to kill herself, all while the three begin to experience dreams or visions of their Soul 3s.

While all this shit is going on, there's heavy romance between Mika and Yu because these two lovers just got reunited and FUCK did they have glow ups but yes -

Oh. And there is another spark for Epic, even though she doesn't think she's worthy of love.

Okay. I'm just gonna say it.

Lacus falls in love with Epic. Yes. You read that correctly too.

I plan to make the two of them get trapped together at some point and they have to work together to escape. It's during this time that Epic realizes he's not all that bad and has some form of self control and he realizes that she's the most interesting thing he's ever met in this disgusting and boring life and damn do her eyes look pretty-

But yes. She forms a permanent alliance with him that he jokes about as marriage and they meet on other occassions too, but lol yes.

Anyway, blah blah blah, more fall to insanity, the Soul 3s take over their bodies on multiple occasions and there's a lot of bonding and fighting and Epic and Mika somehow manage to get some of the vampires on the human side.

And in the end, Epic and Yu basically sacifice themselves to save the human race and kill Queen Krul. It's a very rough ending I haven't quite perfected yet, but Yu has a moment like he did with the King of Salt. But though he inflicted a lot of damage, it's not enough. So while the team is worried about him, Epic takes this opportunity to fix her and Essie's mistakes.

She allows both Essie and her demon to take control of her body and dies on the battlefield. Queen Krul is eliminated. Most of the vampires are gone. The humans won.

Horray.

Epic is dead.

Kinda. Yu and Mika take her back home and this is the preview to the last arc where everyone's in the hospital and Epic's in a coma. Mika and Yu barely ever leave her side and it's only when Lacus of all people comes to visit that she fucking wakes up.

Okay. Are you still with me? Now come with me to the final arc.

The Post-War.

No my friend. It doesn't end there. Because Mika and Lacus are still vamps and life still sucks and I drank too much coffee this morning.

No it's not over yet.

So flash forward a couple years and Kureto and Crew are working as the heads of this city. Stuff is being rebuilt, people are settling down in homes, Lacus and some of the other "good" vampires find jobs, and Mika, Yu, and Epic get a house together (in case I didn't mention before, Epic is pansexual. She loved Akane dearly and I plan to include scenes where she sees her in her mind and dreams like Mikayuu so she's never truly gone, but she falls for Lacus too when he's not being a sadistic asshole). Things are going strangely when

BAM. Epic and Yu come up with a cure for vampirism.

How, you may ask? I don't fucking know, I haven't read about it in the manga yet but before we come up with an idea for it, imma say they came up with it through a spell. They share their findings with Guren and soon all vampires are being cured, most notably Mika, Lacus, and even Rene.

BUT and there's always a but, Kureto passes a new law claiming all vampires to be property. That any vampire or previous vampire or even vampire supporter/owner that tries to disobey these new laws is to be killed immediately. Now Epic and Yu are in jeopardy because their ex-vampires are in danger (Epic and Lacus have been hanging out a lot more and he's proven himself to be a decent guy. Contrary to popular belief, I headcanon him as not really knowing what to do when he actually cares about someone since he's been a heartless vamp for so long. So when he turns to Mika and begrudgingly asks him for LOVE ADVICE of all fucking things, Mika is ready to die). So basically, Mika and Lacus end up getting locked up along with the other ex-vamps (including Ferid which was a pain in the ass) and did I forget to mention that there's a proposal?

Oh yeah, Yu proposes to Mika and the blond still has yet to give him an actual answer because poor baby is still having a hard time accepting that Yu can love a "monster" like him.

But anyways, now Epic and Yu are furious and SHINOA SQUAD IS BACK IN BUSINESS. With the help of Guren and Shinya and everyone, they form a sort of rebellion and blah blah blah they manage to get Mika and Lacus and everyone out and blah blah blah they all get separated and Lacus begins to get INSANELY protective of Epic and ends up confessing his feelings to her before he nearly dies and blah blah blah did I forget to mention that I'm making Mitsunnoa and Kimizuki x Yoichi canon and blah blah blah.

Epic kisses Lacus as an instinct. Lacus kisses her again. Mika accepts Yu's proposal then almost dies AGAIN. I kill off some characters for emotional tugs and after a ton of more fighting and revenge and psychological breakings later, Kureto is killed. And Guren (or someone else haven't decided yet) is the new head of their city.

Epic, Mika, and Yu finally let Akane and the kids go. There's a lot of Shinoa Squad bonding but this is a summary so I haven't included much besides the main three. Epic and Lacus becomes canon. Mika and Yu get married. Guren and Shinya get married. Shinoa gets pregnant.

And everyone gets the FUCKING HAPPY ENDING THAT THEY ALL FUCKING DESERVE BECAUSE FUCK

I do plan to be slightly ruthless like the creator and include a lot of heartbreaking scenes, but it's going to be much different than ONS but I still want it to hold on to some core relationships.

I just want them to be happy. And I just want to make other people happy because fuck I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY

So. Yeah.

That's Bloodsucker...

So my question to you is... if I wrote this shit.

If I sat down and typed about 30 books roughly inspired by Seraph of the End and Mikayuu and Mitsunnoa and shit...

Would anyone read it?

♡ a.a.

#mikayuu #yuumika #mika x yuu #yuu x mika #owari no seraph #owari no straights #owari no serafu #seraph of the end #seraph of the gay #Mitsunnoa #i wanna write a book #reimagination #fml #send halp #lacus #new character #akane #what am i doing with my life

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sirescumbag · 3 years

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AA7 thoughts

So I just finished Spirit of Justice and then I heard about Ace Attorney 7 apparently in the works, so my brain decided this is the time to make up potential plot twists to be excited about that don’t actually exist. I know this is divergent from my usual fanart posting but here’s a very long text dump of some new stuff I’d be interested in seeing but will probably not happen because it is all very specific and caters to my own desires, probably not the fandom’s in general:

Phoenix is still there, but not as active as an acting defense attorney, though he’s still key to the plot (as a mentor, or to be used as emotional blackmail). He’s not playable (or if he is, it’s not for long), but more there as a plot point in a Maya sort of way (oh the turntables). This time, he’s the one under threat or danger. Instead of switching around from lawyer to lawyer, I think that Athena should undergo some more development as a main character this time around since Phoenix and Apollo have had their time to shine. The removal of Phoenix and being all alone, I think, would also be interesting in her character development

On that note, bring on the major character angst!! Having a big tragedy occur, with a fairly major character. Usually the tragedy pulled is a murder/death, but how about a different sort of tragedy-- a fate worse than death/on par with it to someone who is still alive? Someone is severely incapacitated, a psychological injury (classic old memory loss, or perhaps a genius who is reduced to a very limited mental capacity), coma, or even a temporary death (like with Petenshy, Edgeworth), or perhaps a kidnapping (not Maya this time, please). If it happens to a major character, it’ll have greater impact, BUT there’ll be fan riots if it’s not reversible. So have the tragedy with the character get resolved, but not in a deus ex machina way-- recovery is slow and angsty but filled with hope.

There’s often a focus on the past haunting you-- let’s try shifting this to the present! Building suspense on a case that is happening in real time-- I am fond of the idea of a serial killer on the loose in the present and the dread of suspense in present time throughout trials as they continue to kill and hinder key advances in solving the mystery.

Very often, there are personal ties in court-- both the prosecution and defense are tied together in some way in the past, resolving their own personal backstory. Instead of oneself, maybe let’s have some focus on a client instead? It might be interesting to see a lawyer get so deep into protecting a single client-- instead of a new client for every case, protecting a single person over multiple cases-- that they get roped into an outsider’s story instead. A little idea in my head is of playing around with maybe witness protection, or say (off the serial killer idea) someone is expected to be the next target for a murder and you are tasked with trying to protect them in real time (and then a tragedy happens to them that moves plot forward, bonus if players gets to build an emotional connection between you and the client).

In SOJ and DGS, the stakes were big on “saving the masses” and government reform-- the stakes can still be high, but instead of something lofty like reforming the world or community, instead it could focus on the relationships with the people immediately around you, protecting them, or just some good old self-preservation.

Newer characters like Athena being really fleshed out! Whether there are new or old characters, really build and explore the depth of their character beyond that of a plot point. Not just slapping on relationship labels that immediately trigger emotion but have no context beyond it (like the killing off “my best friend” Clay in DD, or the classic parental death). I thought the fleshing out of Dhurke and building an emotional relation to him in SOJ was a lot more effective in making it really feel like a tragedy than with Clay in DD.

For introducing any old characters, please show some personality changes due to age. Or, maybe! Even a 180 change from the personality from the original trilogy for intrigue-- what happened to the old person I knew (and have it be integral to the plot)? I know I griped about the old “ah That Event 5/7/10 years ago” past plot thing being used but I wouldn’t mind this being used as a part of plot development either

Maybe try to bridge the feeling of separation between the old trilogy and newer characters’ worlds by, instead of kind of sequestering them into their separate spheres of interaction to preserve nostalgia (like in Turnabout Time Traveler, where the old gang is all together in the same dynamic, Maya and Phoenix and Edgeworth, etc), have old trilogy characters interact with newer ones in significant ways and build their own unique bond. So, not just a passing mention where the old encounters the new, having the old interact with the new and build a bond through going through significant conflicts together (for example, this has already been mentioned but if Athena is the main focus of the next game, there could be an opportunity to explore this if she confronts Franziska in court!).

I know there’s already so many gimmicks added (Apollo’s perceive, Athena’s widget) but if there has to be something new added, instead of making it individual-specific, maybe have be similar to spirit channeling as a concept-- have it be a broad phenomenon in the world that plays a key part in causing a case, rather than a tool for discerning the truth of a case.

Or, if we’re sticking with the same gadgets/tricks, instead choosing to tamper more with the tools of the trade that were supposed to never lead you astray-- this has already been seen in DD, where Apollo’s bracelet led him to the wrong conclusion about Athena, and AA4, where evidence was tampered with. Perhaps instead of adding new gadgets, let’s manipulate, tamper with, lose, have it used against them in new ways!

The use of a civil case in SOJ was very much unexpected but in my opinion a very interesting one! Would be very interesting to see more in-fighting among the prosecutor group or within the defense attorney group and see how that moves the plot along. Messing more with the court system instead of adding new gadgets would also be interesting.

More threats during investigation, not just in court! Remember when von Karma tased you in the evidence room? Let’s have suspense in AND out of the courtroom.

I’m sure there’s plenty of interesting psychological phenomena that could be used to complicate court cases (for example, that use of Justice Minister Inga’s cognitive disorder in recognizing faces coming into play)!

Different approaches for moral ambiguity for clients using psychology-- we’ve seen this with defending clients who are actually guilty, or being blackmailed. I’d be interested in seeing a Jekyll and Hyde situation where 2 different sides of one person commit a crime, but one side is unaware of it-- and how a defense lawyer would handle this!

Exploring the plea for insanity in court! Double jeopardy! Escaped convicts! A murder whose trial to find a good jury has been delayed for a long time and is forced to find its resolution outside of court due to the murderer striking again!

Also, to pull in some stuff I read about elsewhere, after reading about moral psychology in Jonathan Haidt’s book The Righteous Mind and moral triggers that typically pull strong reactions (care, fairness, loyalty, authority, sanctity), I was also thinking about how ace attorney manages to build emotionally compelling cases in relation to this model. Ace Attorney imo so far has done pretty alright at hitting most of these triggers at some point to hype the emotion, but for the final case, it ends up being played in what I see as generally the same way (ex: character development starts from from my duty as a lawyer is my role as the defense/prosecutor into that of my duty is to find the truth, authority corrupt and that is bad, justice should be served fairly, I am loyal to my group of prosecutor/defense, also played with loyalty and betrayal in DD with Apollo and Athena splitting, also triggered sanctity a bit in SOJ with the religion, lots of other examples probably but that’s a few). I’d be interested in seeing these same moral triggers played upon in different manner for some variety! Maybe even pursuing some different themes than justice and truth and duty and all that jazz, but idk what else could be alright to explore cause the courts kinda embody all that and deviating to make a statement about other themes might not fit as well in the courts hmm

Also part 2, I wonder if there’ll be romantic undertone somewhere (or heavily implied) for any new or old major characters. Romantic love isn’t usually used with major characters as a plot point (usually platonic stuff, friendship, family, or duty to the truth is instead) but I’d think it’d be interesting if romance was used this time around as an emotional motivator to drive the plot

#ace attorney #ace attorney 7 #aa7 #i kind of wrote this all at once so it's probably really jumbled ahhhhfhhhh #basically i want that sweet major character angst #i might just end up making an AU with these ideas if they're not in AA7 because i want an excuse to see these in a plot hohohoh #anyway i'm trying not to have expectations but i got myself all excited anyway so here we are

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terrascookiejar-archive · 4 years

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Purple Yam canonically has PTSD

Hey I’ve been thinking a lot lately and want to offer an alternative take on a character the fandom seems to LOVE to Hate. Purple Yam Cookie.

Purple Yam Cookie’s rage comes from the fact that he is deeply traumatized.

Now a lot of people tend to take things about Purple Yam at face value, for a few reasons. But we’re not going to get into the race debacle or bigoted opinions here. We’re here to talk about the thing everyone overlooks, His Character.

And yes if you take time to actually read and consider what is in the game about Yam, you’d understand that a character was there.

Starting at the place where we learn the most about cookies initially, his story

Now there’s two very, VERY important takeaways from this story I want to bring up to all of you.

Purple Yam was baked in extreme temperatures again and again until the heat finally got to his head. Ever since, Purple Yam Cookie has been in an angered state (to say the least!) that’s why we advise being extremely cautious around him.

and

The Cookie (Purple Yam) claims that no one has suffered in the “flames of hell” more than him, but little does he know that - in fact - other Cookies went through the Witch’s oven too...

We know that Yam likes to talk a lot about “The Fiery Hell” and how we “Have No Idea How Hot it was In there”

I think the one thing we need to think about is the fact that Yam didn’t just go through the Oven ONCE. He went through it an UNKNOWN amount of times until it BROKE him MENTALLY.

Now trauma isn’t always someone becoming reclusive or someone becoming weak or depressed, etc. etc. The fact of the matter is everyone experiences trauma differently, and anger? Anger is a VERY common side effect of trauma. In fact a very, very common symptom of PTSD IS Anger!!

Now there’s a great article on PTSD and not just how but why Anger is a common side effects, from the US Department of Veteran Affairs (Because, well, PTSD is a common thing coming back from war)

Anger is often a large part of a survivor's response to trauma. It is a core piece of the survival response in human beings. Anger helps us cope with life's stresses by giving us energy to keep going in the face of trouble or blocks. (...) One way of thinking is that high levels of anger are related to a natural survival instinct. When faced with extreme threat, people often respond with anger. Anger can help a person survive by shifting his or her focus. The person focuses all of his or her attention, thought, and action toward survival. Anger is also a common response to events that seem unfair or in which you have been made a victim. Research shows that anger can be especially common if you have been betrayed by others. This may be most often seen in cases of trauma that involve exploitation or violence.

Now all these things we can attribute to Purple Yam in spades.

Purple Yam’s whole skill is based his anger, reaching a fever pitch and becoming “a tornado of rage.” It’s a trigger response, and when he reaches the end of his energy??? He gets blasts of rage that happen very rapidly, It’s a the end of his energy. This is his survival instinct.

And too, we need to identify the fact that Purple Yam seems to very much believe that no one has it worse than him. He might not be aware that other cookies have gone through what he has, though I think the most likely attribution is that he thinks his experience was worse because he was forced to experience it over and over again. You could say that others attributing the fact they went through the oven as well might make Yam believe they are challenging him by marginalizing what happened to him. In fact, everything is a challenge to him now.

Purple Yam is always looking for a fight. Always.

Fighting seems to be the one outlet for him to get all this rage out. This is the only way he can cope with his anger. The anger and rage that he was baked to his breaking point into having can only be satiated by fighting.

One could argue that losing to Dark Choco was SUCH a blow to his pride, because fighting is the only that makes Yam feel GOOD about what happened. Losing was the ultimate threat to who he IS and what DEFINES him at this point that he NEEDS to get it back. He NEEDS to find Dark Choco and RECLAIM the ONE thing that makes Yam happy and proud. His raw power as a fighter.

and this doesn’t just extends to fighting, his anger overtakes EVERYTHING.

Going back to the article, it illustrates my next point well.

In people with PTSD, their response to extreme threat can become "stuck." This may lead to responding to all stress in survival mode. If you have PTSD, you may be more likely to react to any stress with "full activation." You may react as if your life or self were threatened

Now Purple Yam is not great with any other emotions, he literally responds to ANYTHING from a threat to a COMPLIMENT with ANGER and INSTIGATION. Yam is literally so unable to cope with anything that’s not anger, that the stress of it turns itself around and back to being anger again.

Everything he can’t deal with his activating that survival instinct and turning back to anger. Which only adds to the destructive nature he gives off. Every little thing becomes as bad as his life being in danger, even if it’s small.

With this all established. There’s one more important thing I’d like to talk about. There’s more to Yam than his anger.

Yes Purple Yam has PTSD, Yes Purple Yam is very angry and anger is his one outlet to his trauma. However, like an actual Sweet Potato, there’s actually an inner sweetness to Yam beneath all the heat.

We need to remember that someone with any kind of Trauma isn’t just someone WITH trauma. They are someone

Very much brought upon symbolically, like many cookies, through his magic candy item.

This sweet potato might look scary with its sharp spikes, but it tastes like heaven. But who could be brave enough to try this thing in the beginning?

Scary with spikes, but something much nicer on the inside? Hmmm.

Now to round this out, how do I know that there’s potential for Yam to be something more that isn’t just defined by the anger that he uses to cope? Why the first guild adventure of course!!!

The first time we see Yam, he’s busted down the walls of... some place and meets Milk Cookie who, in Milk Cookie fashion, greets him with open arms thinking he’s here to join his guild.

Throughout the adventure, we see something NOBODY likes to talk about. A CHANGE IN YAM’S CHARACTER.

In the beginning, things are very tense between Milk and Yam once Milk finds out Yam wants to challenge Dark Choco! Milk Cookie doesn’t just easily let Purple Yam get away with the idea that he’s going to hurt the cleric’s mentor! So Milk cautiously follows from a distance whilst being threatened by Yam to stop following him.

That’s when they encounter a jellyworm and a fight ensues.

The next time we see these two, Yam is still questioning why Milk is following him. It can be assumed that not many cookies would stick around Yam up until his point. A lot of the tension that mired the beginning is gone, and Milk seems to be more trusting of Yam as a cookie. Perhaps after the encounter starting to realize that inner good that Yam has under the surface. While Yam has gone from threatening to mild annoyance at Milk’s refusal to leave him alone. Seemingly to only let Milk follow along because he won’t leave the Berserker alone.

After saving Purple Yam from a close call, Milk Cookie suggests that perhaps it would be better if the two work together. Purple Yam, though begrudgingly, agrees. Though when Milk Cookie frames it in the form of the challenge, Purple Yam is far more on board. Almost as if Milk Cookie has come to understand how Purple Yam’s mindset works and it can be attributed to a positive goal rather than a negative one.

Yam has gone from being hostile, being threatening, being mildly annoyed, to accepting help in the form of Milk Cookie to ultimately reach his goal. The two might have different goals in mind, but thanks to Milk Cookie’s patience and perseverance he’s managed to even get a cookie as stubborn as Purple Yam to work with him to make it to the end.

Now I’m not gonna say the obvious. However I will leave you with this thought. Someone is suffering heavily from trauma that results in episodes of anger, and someone comes into their life who doesn’t entirely get what’s going on, but wants to help. It might be met with animosity... yet with patience, perseverance, and understanding can come to help that person to cope. Thus allowing the one with PTSD room to open up and perhaps find outlets outside of anger. Gaining someone who, though might not always agree and have all the answers, can be one they can trust to help them.

Maybe there was always more to the first guild adventure than meets the eye.

#Purple Yam Cookie #Cookie Run #Cookie Run Ovenbreak #Cookie Run Discourse #Something to consider

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agentnico · 3 years

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Zack Snyder’s Justice League (2021) Review

It all started with Sonic’s teeth. Ever since fans successfully bullied a studio into reanimating their titular hedgehog character after the abomination shown in the first trailer, fans realised that rallying together (on Twitter) can make a difference. So you’d think it would mean we could all come together to restore world peace and get rid of racism, injustice, poverty, war and negativity of all kind? Nope, nope it does not. But at least we get a better version of a bad DC movie that came out in 2017. I mean, baby steps I guess.

Plot: Fuelled by his restored faith in humanity and inspired by Superman's selfless act, Bruce Wayne enlists newfound ally Diana Prince to face an even greater threat. Together, Batman and Wonder Woman work quickly to recruit a team to stand against this newly awakened enemy. Despite the formation of an unprecedented league of heroes -- Batman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Cyborg and the Flash -- it may be too late to save the planet from an assault of catastrophic proportions.

I recall my younger simpler self in 2017 at the early age of 20 soon to be 21, sitting down and watching the new Justice League film with zero to no expectations, as by that point the DC Extended Universe was a trainwreck and was a franchise that was literally falling apart before out unblinking red hay fever filled eyes. However, after watching Justice League I was baffled at the fact that I still managed to be disappointed after having zero expectations! With zero expectations this film took me into the minuses, and we all know I’m not great at mathematics so boy are we in the danger zone when we hit the minuses! Looking back at my review of the film back then, I used extreme yet fitting comments like “generic”, “predictable” “messy” and plain “dogsh*t”. Which is what it was. 2017′s Justice League is exactly how I’d imagine a dog’s poop would look if it was turned into an abstract film! It was truly abysmal. After that I thought I’d never have to talk about this film again. How wrong I was. But, in a rare turn of tables, I am glad that I was wrong...

A little history lesson first. Alright, settle down kids, settle down.... Rob, put the paper plane down, do not throw it, I said DON’T THROW IT! NO! Stop! Stupid child!! Headteacher’s office right now! Also, say hi to your mother for me, okay? I’m having brunch with her on Saturday and you better not be there as you should be doing your homework watching the 4 hour cut of Justice League and questioning your life choices!! Anyway, now let’s have ourselves a history lesson. The topic is - What In The Flying Fudge Happened Behind-The-Scenes Of Justice League For DUMMIES: Condensed Edition. A really condensed version as honestly none of us have the attention span to read loads and I’m probably losing the vast majority of you due to this overlong rambling session. So anyway, to the last couple of readers left, here we go! Following the success of Man of Steel, Warner Bros. gave Zack Snyder the reigns to oversee and create a DC cinematic universe to rival the success of Marvel. And so came Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice, which turned out to be a bit of a hodgepodge, receiving mixed to negative reviews and though was a box office success, earned diminishing results to what Warner Bros. originally anticipated. However, by the time Batman V Superman released, Zack Snyder was already hard at work on the big superhero team up film Justice League (which was meant to set up many characters and future films for the DCEU) with a lot of filming already underway, so Warner Bros. couldn’t particularly pump the breaks on it by that point, even though they evidently lost trust in the Snyder formula. To be honest, at that point I too lost trust in Snyder’s vision and the DCEU as a whole, but my opinion doesn’t class for a single dime, whilst the opinions of Warner Bros. executives make millions, so there aren’t any hard feelings on my behalf for them not enquiring on my thoughts. Anyway, midway through production Zack Snyder was hit with a family tragedy with his daughter committing suicide, so Snyder naturally had to depart the project to be with his family during this grieving time. Warner Bros. had the option to pause production and await for Snyder’s return, or progress at their own accord. Naturally they decided to do their own thing cause they are a business and want that dollar dollar bill baby!! So they hired Joss Whedon who was riding fresh off the success of two Avengers movies and obviously had experience in cinematic universes and such, to rework the Justice League movie by condensing it into a 2 hour film (from the over 4 hour material that Snyder shot) and reshoot scenes to fit the smaller runtime. So you cannot particularly blame Whedon for taking out so many great scenes as he had a contract to fulfil with Warner Bros, but then you look at the many forced jokes and unnecessary reshot scenes and you realise how self-indulgent Joss Whedon was during filming, as he basically was spitting on everything Snyder did and was trying to do his own thing. Low and behold, the mess that is the 2017 movie is created, where its the visions and creative minds of two director with evidently different styles clashing and not really mixing well at all, and as such we have a messy movie that doesn’t really make sense and is a bit of a middle finger to DC fans and honestly everyone and all. Also, there was that little aspect of Henry Cavill’s deformed upper lip due to the fact that during reshoots he had a moustache that he’d grown and was contractually obligated to have for his Mission Impossible role, so the visual effects team had to digitally remove it in post production and the result is, well, see for yourself...

Yes, they made the dashing handsome my-sexuality-questioning Henry Cavill look stupid, and that is UNFORGIVABLE. Funny, yes, very funny but unforgivable!! So for this and many other reasons the 2017 film turned out horribly. Then after that many months later, Zack Snyder and cast and crew members began teasing of this mythical version of the movie that was befit of Snyder’s original vision. You see, apparently before he left the project, Snyder actually filmed everything he wanted and it was only awaiting to be reworked with visual effects and edited properly, but then Whedon came in with his scissors and cut everything mercilessly with a cheeky grin and his ginger beard. Speaking of his ginger beard, is Joss Whedon Irish? Or has Irish roots? Honestly, I would Google it, but wait, I don’t think I really care. So anyway, Snyder still had all of his filmed scenes saved on his ridiculously oversized hard drive just waiting to be looked at again. This is where the fandom did its magic by creating a Twitter hashtag #ReleaseTheSnyderCut and began spam posting for Warner Bros. to let Zack Snyder release what he originally intended to. Honestly, who would have thunk it, but this actually worked!! Warner Bros. allowed this, and not only that, but gave Snyder an additional $70 million to finish up the visual effects as well as to film a couple of additional sequences and gave it the prestigious honour to debut it on HBO Max, so as to boost the subscriber rating on Warner Bros. new streaming service. And here we are.

Honestly, I thought seeing this Director’s Cut of sorts wouldn’t bring much to the table as I didn’t believe that a film that was so broken had originally been in any way good. After finishing this 4 hour Snyder vision I must admit though that I was pleasantly surprised. Completely baffled by the studio and Joss Whedon, but really happy for Zack Snyder. The guy was fighting for it and finally was able to accomplish and bring out his true original vision, and though Zack Snyder’s Justice League has its flaws, its so much better than what we got in 2017, and in fact is a soaring science fiction sci-fi epic that literally feels epic!! It takes time establishing the characters and every single plot point as well as building out this rich mythology of this world of the DC Extended Universe, and so as you move into the second half of the film, there’s a feeling of pay off. You actually care about the characters and understand the plot points and it doesn’t feel rushed. Its truly astounding that there are producers out there who thought it was a good idea to get rid of all of that and instead bring out whatever the heck Joss Whedon did with the 2017 version. Look, I quite enjoy Joss Whedon’s work, from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel to Cabin in the Woods and his work on Marvel, the guy obviously has a talent, but also he obviously does not belong to the dark and brooding style of DC. Zack Snyder on the other hand, though makes his mistakes, truly embraces the epic feel of the DC material. And it seems once you give Snyder enough time and space, he can actually bring out something like this:

The main characters are all given so much more to do, or at least those that got side-lined in the 2017 version are given more to do here. One of my complaints with the original was how pointless the League turns out to be. Basically in the theatrical version the main team all end up being useless and only once Superman shows up he saves everyone’s asses and literally does EVERYTHING. Might as well have called the film Man of Steel 2 (feat. Justice League). However in this new version, every main character serves a purpose. Well most of them do at least. Cyborg and Flash are much more compelling characters with more layers and backstory, and in fact are a prime reason to defeating the great evil in the end. You now understand why Cyborg actor Ray Fisher was pissed at Joss Whedon, as the guy literally got rid of his best stuff. Superman strikes a cool black suit and is still powerful, however as the finale shows, he isn’t all-powerful and does need the help of the rest of the team. Wonder Woman gets a lot more to do in this theatrical cut, and in fact this is probably Gal Gadot’s best performance as Wonder Woman and she really shows herself as a powerful female superhero! Aquaman’s role stays largely unchanged, however to be honest Jason Momoa’s character was one of the only ones who didn’t suffer in the theatrical cut. That’s unsurprising seeing as Jason Momoa is such a naturally cool dude! A big panda that is friendly in real life, but when necessary can turn into a roaring bear. To be honest, the only League member that ends up a bit pointless is actually Batman. He still serves a purpose in the film in that he’s the one who assembles the team, but otherwise the rest of the group is so overpowered compared to him that in the end you do kind of think that he doesn’t really belong there. Still, Ben Affleck is great in the role and it’s a shame we won’t see much of him past Flashpoint film that will be released in the next few years.

There are a lot of characters in this film and one can still say the movie is overstuffed, but also seeing as the movie was originally intended to spring board the DCEU properly, all these teases are actually welcome. There are an abundance of cameos, and to be honest so many characters are so well cast that you do end up wishing that Snyder was given the opportunity to make his entire Justice League planned trilogy, but nevertheless at least we have this. There are truly an abundance of cool appearances here, from the menacing villain Darkseid (played by Ray Porter) to Willem Dafoe doing what Dafoe does best, only in this case underwater and I’m certain that’s gonna span many comparison memes with The Lighthouse. Joe Morton as Cyborg’s dad is given a lot more to do here and in fact is pivotal towards building up Cyborg into the important character that he is. There’s also a cameo from Jared Leto’s Joker, who in some ways redeems himself after his appearance in Suicide Squad. Also, we need to talk about Steppenwolf, who’s the main baddie in this film. In the theatrical cut the guy was the most generic one-note villain who also looked like a PS2 character. It was honestly embarrassing the way he was animated. Luckily in this version he’s been put through enough Skyrim mods to looks much more intimidating and is also given a better motivation. As we find out, the reason he does what he does is because he wants to go home. He’s been banished and he simply wants to earn his place back home, so it’s actually kind of sweet. Steppenwolf is a sweetie. I mean, yeah, he wants to destroy half of the world to fulfil his dream, but hey, haven’t we all taken something extreme measures to get what we want?

The film is far from perfect though. At the end of the day, the movie is just about a guy hunting down a bunch of magical boxes. That was the premise of the theatrical cut and its the same here too. Yes, there is more substance and gravitas to the proceedings, but at the end of the day the story doesn’t really surprise much. And with the entire thing running at 4 hours, it is definitely too long and there is the element where there is simply too much in this thing. Also visually, though the movie has plenty of gorgeous shots and Zack Snyder’s signature slow motion sequences are on full display here, there are still many sequences where the CGI and green screen are super obvious and look really fake. That being said there’s still so much visual goodness in this, and also I have to mention Junkie XL’s new music score that does reiterate the epic feel of this movie, in comparison to Danny Elfman’s weak uninspiring notes in the theatrical cut.

Zack Snyder’s Justice League is a massive surprise and completely changes the perception of what we saw in the original 2017 theatrical cut. It’s a sprawling massive adventure that’s a dream come true for any comic book fan. It shows how vital film editing is, and how important it is to have a cohesive plan when making a movie. Gone too are the silly forced jokes, and though there is still some humour here, it feels more grounded and fit of the setting and scenario. This is Snyder’s vision through and through, and though at times it is clunky, it overall is incredible to behold, as it’s this one guy’s mind and his love for the DC lore. It’s a credible achievement, and I’m actually sentimentally happy for Snyder that he finally managed to complete this. He even during the credits dedicates this to his daughter Autumn that passed away, and I found that to be truly bittersweet. Justice has indeed been served.

Overall score: 7/10

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yandere-sins · 3 years

Text

Love

The time passed fast now, especially when you were busy.

Your ankles healed, strangely enough, well. Probably through the effort of getting real medical treatment once Rhys didn’t suspect you of acting up anymore. Sometimes, walking steps still gave you a hard time, but it passed eventually. You never had to experience the torture that was the basement, except for the few times a week you had to sort through the stock of wares that you stored down there.

It had been a year by then that you two started living in your new home. The days were filled with tending to the shop, the evenings with dinner, and enjoyment. Perhaps the most surprising thing to you was how well your store was going. You even had regulars who bought new houseplants or came by for a chat. You started learning their names, accepting cookies from them, and in return, hand out left-over baking or magazines.

You made new friends.

Rhys accepted you having a social life, despite always being with you when you were invited out. You never wholly lost the threat that he was, but his trust seemed to grow every day still. Suddenly, you had access to everything again, a phone, a laptop, your social contacts, going grocery shopping on your own. Knives to cut meat with.

Sure there were things to complain about, but you lived happier just not complaining. Rhys was happy, and so you were happy too. At least, the longer you told yourself that, the more you were able to believe it. What more could you have wanted, despite your life being this simple? Everything that was supposed to satisfy you was there. You lacked nothing. Rhys was like a mere shadow in the back of your mind now.

Or better said, he was the ring on your finger.

The marriage had been on a perfect, summer day by the sea. Everyone you loved had been with you, even though saying ‘yes’ had almost made you want to throw up back then. Some days were worse than others. Sometimes, it was just hard to accept it still. But most of them were good. You were safe, you were loved, you were happy.

Yes, happy. Happy.

Were you?

Now, a year later, you had gained back the reign over your thinking and body, stopped being so submissive and introverted. You could say what was on your mind and do what pleased you as long as he approved of it. There were barbeques to attend, coffees to drink, and a shop to tend to. Rhys was now your husband, but he was still trying his best to please you even after becoming that. The arguments were gone, the discussions over since you wouldn’t dare start any despite stating your opinions freely. He followed your instructions, and he still loved you deeply. Sex, too, had become enjoyable again.

Crazy, you thought. Crazy how life can change so much at all times if you stop fighting the inevitable.

Your eyes followed the man smiling softly as he browsed your wares. He was a regular. His name was Oskar. You liked him, he was very polite, oftentimes bashful when he spoke to you. But the smile he’d show and the spark in his eyes was the most sincere you had seen in a while. Despite only just moving here, he had become a regular, always buying this or that useless trinket on display.

Somehow, you thought he might have a different reason to come here than to actually shop.

“That’s all,” he confirmed to you at check-out, making barely any eye contact. He was just shy, you thought as you rang him up, telling him his total. “Actually…” he muttered as he handed you the money. Finally, you were allowed another glimpse into his hazel eyes, warm and comforting. They reminded you of someone, but you couldn’t wrap your mind around who. Someone you had tried to forget in the past.

“I wanted to ask if you’d like to have coffee sometime?”

Ah, you realized, it washing over you suddenly. By now, destroyed, put together again, and then married to the idiot that broke you in the first place, you wouldn’t have expected it. Expected someone else to actually come around and have any interest in you. But here Oskar was, wringing his hands and growing nervous with every second that you didn’t respond.

“Sure,” you said confidently, despite feeling almost dizzy, overwhelmed with the sudden spurt of emotions you felt. This almost felt new despite you knowing that you were very much capable of feeling other things besides your self-proclaimed happiness. Real happiness was like a drug, rushing through your veins immediately, getting you high. Someone being interested in you who you were also interested in, was an emotional rollercoaster that you had long tried to not drive for your own sake.

Using some wrapping paper, you jotted down your phone number, when suddenly, your mind drifted off. Now, it had been a long time since you thought about these things. Of a different life, different people around you. Doing what you wanted without the menace in the back of your head. Without having to think about the punishment, you’d receive if you did exactly what you wanted. But here someone was, unfamiliar with Rhys and, most importantly, uninfluenced by him. A person who cared for you, someone who actually tried to make an effort.

You blinked a few times before you proceeded to write down your number, adding the simple, delicate touch of a “Help me” beneath it. It was so subtle, you thought, it should be clear to anyone who saw it. Thus, you handed it to Oskar, his eyes shining up happily first before they darkened rapidly, staring at the paper in his hand.

Seconds passed, only the clock on the wall moving. You could watch his hand beginning to shake while you stood their unbudging. Oskar didn’t make any attempts to say or do anything. However, he began to look back and forth between you and the paper, and you felt your heart - your stone-hard, frozen over, completely undermined heart - beat a little faster at that.

So he understood. He really did understand.

Someone finally listened to you.

It was unfortunate that neither of you noticed Rhys come in from the back door, arm laying around your waist suddenly, making you flinch. That was the first mistake you made. It was way too obvious that you didn’t expect him. You were too lost in your mind to forget about Rhys, signaling him something was wrong. He kissed your cheek before greeting Oskar, who suddenly became nervous, quick to shove the paper from his hand into his pocket. Second mistake, Rhys’s eyes narrowed.

“What did you buy?” your husband asked, wanting to browse the goods. “O-Oh, nothing special!” Oskar quickly responded, reaching for the shopping bag before Rhys could.

“Really? Everything is special here, however…” Looking at you, Rhys waited before you hesitantly reciprocated his glance. You saw yourself reflecting in his eyes, looking like a punched dog already. Third mistake, your body language was just too submissive to lie to him. “We have better things in the basement, right, Babe?”

Gulping, you felt an instant wave of fear overcome you. The basement would never be a good place for you. “I’ve seen you around a few times, why don’t you come down with me and have a look at the goodies?” Rhys smiled at Oskar, putting on his kindest, most convincing grin. You were glad to see that Oskar was not stupid, looking at you first. But really, what could you do? There was no way to resist Rhys, and you didn’t want to experience the basement yourself when he was just so persistent on going there.

So you looked away, sealing another fate in favor of saving yourself.

“S-Sure,” Oskar mumbled. Perhaps, Rhys’s good acting was finally paying off. “Come on then,” he instructed, leading Oskar around the counter and opening the door for him. “Careful, it’s very dark,” Rhys chuckled as the man passed him. But instead of following right away, he took another moment to come up next to you, taking a deep breath. You waited for him to say something, to scold you, but he just breathed. All you could concentrate on where his breath and the clock on the wall, every second passing unnerving you more.

You lowered your head, gripping your left arm with your right hand as if you needed to put up a protective barrier in front of yourself. Only one of his hands reached to the small of your back, but you found no comfort as it merely lying there unmoving, Rhys towering next to you like a snake, waiting to jump and bite you to death any second now.

With his free hand, he reached for the drawer under the counter and in front of you. You moved away as he pulled it open, his hand always on your back like a threat. With the sound that only a very sharp, very beautiful blade would make when pulled out, he produced his favorite butcher knife, usually just there - if you believed him - for protective services.

“I love you,” Rhys mumbled, kissing the side of your forehead. “I do it because I love you. Don’t you ever forget that.”

You turned to him, slowly, desperate, and looked into these unnerving, yellow eyes of his, wondering how your life could have turned into this utter mess. A mess you even learned to accept. There was no telling how long you looked at him, but leaning into his direction, you kissed him, knowing it was on you now to soothe your lover’s mind, or it would be you who was going to receive the real punishment - worse than death - after he was done taking care of the ‘problem’ he had found.

“I love you more, Rhys.”

“I love you, most.”

♥

»»———————————— ♡ ————————————««

And we are done!

Thank you for joining 31 days of a boy turning into a yandere for you and the life you continue to live! And thanks to everyone who wasn’t interested in it at all but stuck around and bore with me this month. I am happy to return to my fandoms now but it felt good to do something on my own for a change, if that makes sense. Really helped not to lose my mind over having to write all kinds of requests like I struggled with before!

Thank you everyone for reading, hopefully you enjoyed the ride! Please let me know what you thought, I am very curious what your impressions were!

#Yantober #Yandere #Yandere Headcanons #Yandere Scenarios #Yandere Oneshot #yandere writing #yandere fanfiction #yandere oc #yandere x reader #yandere x darling #yandere x oc #yandere tw #Rhys #Rhys Aspen

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aahsokaatano · 3 years

Note

King I would love that essay about Changing Channels

Fjdjshjdhdjd thanks for reading my tags Jesse you're the real VIP here.

Okay SO "Changing Channels" is the 8th episode of the 5th season of Supernatural. I give this information bc it's important in looking at the context of the episode - now I've complained a LOT about how SPN is terrible at giving us canonical timeframes within the episodes (y'all i was SHOCKED to discover the first season is supposed to cover a little over a year's worth of time, I thought it was like... 4 or 5 months) so I can't say for sure how long before and after the other episodes happen in-universe around "Changing Channels" BUT

The episode before is "The Curious Case of Dean Winchester" where Dean and Bobby bet years of their lives in a game of poker with a witch. The episode after is "The Real Ghostbusters" where Sam and Dean end up at a fan convention for the in-universe Supernatural novels.

Why am I pointing this out? Because it's important, please, no audience participation, this is like a Brian David Gilbert panel.

[under a cut bc this got...... STUPID long. Who knew I still had this many opinions about SPN in 2020?]

Okay first of all I wanna talk about the cinnamon topography of this episode - I love the way the first 5 seasons are shot because you really feel the americana gothic horror aesthetic they were going for (I have a whole ‘nother rant about the first 5 seasons vs the last 10 but thats for another time). Everything is a little washed out and grey-toned, the camera angles generally serve to make Sam and Dean appear even taller than they actually are (larger than life - again, another post for another time), and there’s honestly a LOT of shots from the ‘monster’s’ perspective, which is really neat! I’ve said it before (on another blog - YES i have a dedicated spn rant blog, don’t @ me hdjfhfjfh) but the episode that really got me hooked on spn back in the day was the second one, about the w*ndigo. Yes, it’s a racist, culturally appropriating shitstorm, but the way its SHOT is fantastic. I’m honestly not a horror fan, but that episode could have easily relied on jumpscares and they DIDN’T and it was scary as all fucking hell and just - fuck okay getting off topic.

In “Changing Channels” we get that distinctive grey-washed tone in the beginning and the very end of the episode, but the middle? When they’re in TV Land? Everything is bright. Almost comically so, I mean - okay look at these two shots of Sam (apologies about the crappy phone pics, netflix won't let me screenshot)

This one is from the start of the episode, in the "real" police station

And this is from a little later in the "TV" hospital

Ignoring that my phone is washing him out a lot in both pics, you can still see the warmer tones in the hospital shot as compared to the cold greyness in the police station one

Okay, now look at this picture

Dean inside the Impala, and those warm tones are back. Why? Because even though Sam and Dean believe that they’re back in the “real” world, they aren’t - so instead of the grey-washed shots that we’re used to, its the bright and warm shots that we see in “TV Land”! So the viewers pick up, even if its just subconsciously, that the boys aren’t out of the woods yet - everything is still too bright to be the in-universe reality we’ve come to expect from SPN by season 5

Which is also why i love this shift so much

These shots are literally SECONDS apart. The first is in "TV Land" and the second is in the "real" world. I have some red strip lights behind my bed, which are reflecting off my laptop screen - notice how much brighter they seem in the second picture? That’s because literally all of the warm colors have been drained out of the shot. As soon as Gabriel snaps them all back into “reality,” things get so much colder.

Okay, so the second thing I want to talk about is some of the very pointed dialogue choices within the “shows” the Winchesters take part in. Not between Sam and Dan and Gabriel, but from the, for lack of a better term, NPCs within the shows.

In the hospital, Dr. Piccolo tells Sam that he is “the finest cerebrovascular neurosurgeon I have ever met - and I have met plenty! So that girl died on your table; it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anybody’s fault. Sometimes people just die.” Standard cheesy soap opera dialogue - but lemme just swap some words here and -

“You are the finest hunter I have ever met - and I have met plenty! So that girl died on your hunt; it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anybody’s fault. Sometimes people just die.”

Or even -

“You are the finest hunter I have ever met - and I have met plenty! So Jessica and Mary died above you; it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anybody’s fault [but Azazel’s]. Sometimes people just die.”

Keeping in mind that the NPCs are basically Gabriel’s mouthpieces, its easy to see why so many people ship Sabriel. I’d actually love to see a fic that explores them talking about this moment in particular later on and the kind of gentle forgiveness that Gabriel can give Sam... getting off topic again.

In an abrupt about-face, the herpes commercial (much meme’d within the fandom) is straight up Gabriel shaming Sam. Because if you replace “genital herpes” with “demon blood” it’s.... dark. And very intentional.

So that’s what I did! (I combined all spoken lines to make the message easier to read, rather than splitting them up across 3 speakers as in the episode)

“I’ve drank demon blood. I tried to be responsible... did I try. But now, after being forcibly detoxed, I fight my addiction every day to reduce the chances of passing back into that toxic mindset. Ask your loved ones about a demon blood intervention today. [...] I am doing all I can to slightly lessen the chance of drinking demon blood again. And that’s a good thing.”

Like... the subtext throughout this episode sure is. Something.

Okay this is getting ridiculously long so I wanna wrap up by talking about The Best Scene In The Whole Goddamn Show

I’m talking, of course, about Gabriel’s Confession

“Max,” you might be saying, “there are so many better scenes out there, even within the first five seasons!” and to that i say, again, no audience participation, please. Also, you’re WRONG and here’s why!

Gabriel’s confession hits every goddamn emotional chord that the fandom begged for on this show - fear, rage, grief, pain, guilt, and even, yes, absolution.

Okay, here’s the scene again for those of you who don’t think about it at least once a week like me

youtube

Now this video is missing some of the conversation, but most of it is there, enough for you to see what I’m talking about. Gabriel up to this point has been, essentially, a nameless antagonist - this is the third episode he appeared in, and before this, we didn’t even know he was going by Loki. He was just referred to as ‘The Trickster’. But here, not only do we get a name (a real name at that), but we also get a glimpse of his backstory and a hell of a lot of character development in less than 5 minutes. I mean, Sam didn’t get this much character development throughout the entirety of season 1! There’s a good reason Gabriel has been a fan-favorite for a very long time, and I think a big part of it is this particular scene.

Because here, we get to see Gabriel being vulnerable. And we even see Dean show a little vulnerability, as he can empathize being the third party to explosive arguments between the two people who mean everything to him.

I mean... okay, it will never see the light of day, but I wrote a little bit of a Reverse ‘Verse fic (because I’m a sucker for Reverse ‘Verse) and this was the scene I started with. Not s1e1, not even the resurrection in s4e1, but this scene. Because this scene, more than any other, is critical to the way not only Gabriel’s (first) arc plays out, but also to how Sam and Dean conduct themselves for the rest of the season (and maybe a bit beyond, it’s been a hot minute since I watched s6 and later). Dean is angry but determined, he has a point to make, he is going to save Sammy and if he can’t do that, then he’s going to damn well die trying. But Sam... it’s after this episode that we start really seeing how bone-achingly tired Sam is. It’s after this conversation - where one of the other archangels, one of the few beings who can truly understand how powerful Michael and Lucifer are - says that there’s no other way around this that Sam seems to start inching towards giving in. Saying yes.

Sure, in the actual episode, he seems outraged by the idea, practically scoffs at it - “you want us to say yes to those sons of bitches?” - but it’s after this where Sam really seems run down.

I mean, look at the episodes before and after (HAH you thought I forgot about that first point I made at the very beginning of this post! I did, briefly, but I’ve circled back to it, thanks for being understanding). In “The Curious Case of Dean Winchester,” Sam behaves much as he did since the start of s4, which is to say, ‘annoying little know-it-all brother tossed into the middle of the apocalypse and just trying his best’ and it works well for the mad scramble for any scrap of information that’s happening in s4/early s5.

But in “The Real Ghostbusters” it’s different. This is another funny meta episode - except, while Sam and Dean are technically aware of the joke, they aren’t as amused by it as the audience is. And it’s not because of the ghosts. It’s because they’re just... done. Especially Sam. Dean has that nice little moment with the cosplayers at the end of the episode, but Sam... threatens to shoot Chuck. Sam ‘goes darkside’ more often than pretty much any other character in the show, but that moment is different. It’s a flat promise, not a threat. He’s not being an asshole, like he is after losing his soul. He’s just... done. And it’s obvious to see.

Gabriel’s confession is the turning point for Sam in s5, and it informs a lot of his behavior through the rest of s5, and possibly beyond! Like I said, I haven’t watched past s5 in a very long time, so I don’t feel confident enough to analyze that specific sort of character line, but I feel confident in saying that hearing one of the most powerful beings in the universe basically say “it doesn’t matter what you do - your destiny is unavoidable” and then he’s proven right (Sam says yes to Lucifer, and Dean eventually does say yes to Michael down the line!)... like, that’s really gotta fuck up your world view that was built on free will and throwing off the shackles of fate. Sam managed to avoid his ‘destiny’ in s2... but then it turns out that that wasn’t ever his destiny. Lucifer was his destiny.

Talk about an obscured view of the inner self.

#thebisexualmandalorian #jesse #max answers #spn #naturally super #changing channels #im having some THOUGHTS yall

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amwritingmeta · 4 years

Text

End of S15 Spec: Is Cas Returning to Heaven?

My dearlings, my sweetlings, my buttery, Scottish shortbreads -

We’re in times of great turmoil right now and my only way to relax myself out of the need to check my Twitter feed every other minute and retweet all the inspiring or infuriating or educational stuff that’s coming at me left, right and centre, is to write. I started working on this piece of spec a little while back, after talking to @waywardliliana (hey girl hey) and last week I felt inspired to start writing this spec-meta-hopes-and-wishes-whathaveyou, so here we are.

This spec was actually brought on by Liliana telling me a prevailing theory in fandom right now (or a few weeks back) which is that Cas is going to die in 15x18.

As far as I understand it from Liliana, this theory is based on the fact that Jensen and Misha were talking at VegasCon about having shot a heavy scene just the two of them (and quite possibly with Alex) before heading off to the con, and this scene is taking place sometime during 15x18.

That’s literally all I know, but that’s what I’m basing this spec on: something heavy happening between Dean and Cas in 15x18 as per “confirmed” by the actors themselves.

So, off the cuff: I don’t think Cas is going to die.

Mostly due to narrative reasons, because I can’t see how him dying would service the story they’ve built for him this season whatsoever (let’s not forget about his deal with the Empty) (and I’ll dig deeper into that) nor how it would play into his individual arc as a whole, but also because it’s too repetitive.

We’ve seen him die an angel death, we don’t need to see it again, nor would it be as impactful as Cas’ death at the end of S12 (and beginning of S7) where both instances can be looked at as serving to push Dean into a state of grief, where we got the chance to feel the loss and absence of Cas through how it affected Dean. Yeah? (yes!)

It’s always been beautifully handled, to be honest. Dean losing faith (and most starkly his faith in himself) when losing Cas. It happened in the S7 greif arc, and it happened in an even more condensed and pointed way in S13.

Because in S13, unlike in S7, Dean is no longer forcing a smile and pretending he’s okay. Instead, he’s wearing his anger like the armour it is, while telling Sam he’s fine, which Sam sees through very easily, and we do too, because of course he’s not fine. Until we finally get Dean admiting he needs Sam to keep the faith, because right now Dean can’t believe in a damn thing.

*mh mh good*

(it even happened to some extent in S15 after Cas left) (though then he was more in the I don’t give a fuck anymore mood) (once Cas comes back who is it that suddenly cracks the case of how to fight God wide open?) (yup) (our Dean that’s who)

So what would Cas dying bring to Dean’s individual arc this time around?

What would Cas dying mean for Cas’ individual arc?

Cas has died specifically to underpin Dean’s progression (or rather, to show us where that progression needs to take him) (and to give us a gorgeous underlining of how Cas is Dean’s happiness because of Dean’s attitude change when Cas comes back in S13) (hey-oh!) and Cas has died specifically to allow for his own rebirth, to push him into a new stage in his own progression toward self-actualisation, so killing him at the end of his journey would mean… he ends up in the Empty?

But the tying up of the dangling loose end that is Cas’ deal with the Empty needs to be linked directly to Cas giving himself permission to be happy.

I will dig deeper into this, but I doubt we’re getting him permitting himself to be happy in 15x18, because looking at this show’s narrative structure as it’s always been used before: either this moment needs to be linked back to his individual arc and his growing sense of identity, or it needs to be tied to Dean (because no enormous turning point for either character happens without it affecting the other) and neither of these are, to me, entirely viable.

That said, I mostly don’t see Cas ever going back to the Empty based in what I see the Empty as symbolically representative of, which is Cas’ Shadow, his unconscious, and Cas returning to its dwelling is a symbolical statement of defeat. He can’t fight the Empty, he can’t destroy the Empty, not while he is in the place where the Empty has the upper hand completely. Cas ending up in the Empty means his Shadow has won, there will be no integration, no self-actualisation, and Cas’ journey ends on a tragic note indeed.

Is that a fair reward for someone who has just overcome his fear of happiness? Because when the Empty shows to claim Cas, we’ll know that this is exactly what has happened, and it’s an incredibly important moment for Cas’ progression, signaling self-acceptance and self-love, daring to allow himself to feel that happiness, and, or so I would hope, doing so in clear defiance of the Empty’s lingering threat.

Because Cas feeling that strong in himself that he actually permits himself the happiness of the moment, knowing full well that it means the Empty will show, and feeling ready to face it head on (I mean, I have a loophole in mind, but I’ll get to that), it would be gigantically symbolic of how he’s crossing that threshold he’s been stood on for so long, no longer letting any of his fears rule him, no longer feeling any doubt or mistrust in himself.

*gah*

Cas actually being claimed right after his happiest moment and ending up in the Empty is not a fair reward, and Cas will not be narratively punished for reaching the climax of his progression.

So, no, I simply do not believe he’s set to die.

More on the Empty and all that happiness goodness as we go along.

Now, the following thoughts are based in my reading of this narrative, so let’s proceed with caution and I’m handing out salt for you to sprinkle all over this piece of pure speculation. Sprinkle it at will, please!

Let’s begin with my main speculation for the final few episodes of S15, which is:

Cas’ powers are fully restored and he goes back to Heaven.

How would this happen? I would suggest that, as we’re witnessing Jack begin to come into his full power (he’s already levelled up from archangel), growing ever more sure of himself in the process, we may get to witness the full extent and wonder of that power, and what better way to showcase the budding culmination of them, than through Jack mending Cas’ broken wings?

Of course, this is mere conjecture. There are a multitude of ways that Cas might end up powered up. Even God could play a role. Suggesting Jack is the source of this transformation is merely to create a foundation for the scenario, and it’s also fitting, as Jack has served to bring Cas a great deal of faith in his own capabilities, so Jack would serve well to give Cas the final push toward self-realisation, and Cas may very well need to remember what being whole as an angel feels like, to gain perspective on how to answer the ever-lingering questions of who he is and who he wants to be.

The biggest questions on the table for me, if this were to happen, are:

Would we get a heartfelt goodbye between Dean and Cas in 15x18 (heavy stuff), where their respective role in the other’s growth comes to a conclusion, and they take the lessons learned and carry on alone, but fulfilled, and grateful for having known each other, leading to a series ending where Cas stays in Heaven?

Or—>

Would we get to witness that heartfelt goodbye between Dean and Cas, but then, instead of staying in Heaven, would we get Cas, fully powered, gain the perspective he needs of who he truly is and who he wants to be, leading to a series ending where Cas chooses to become human, returning to Earth and all the shenanigans of a hunter life?

And finally —>

Is there a middle ground here?

There’s an old narrative question that comes to mind, posed to Cas in S9 (you know of which I speak), which is an articulation of Castiel’s deepest internal conflict, serving as motor for the character journey he’s pushed onto through meeting, and saving, Dean Winchester.

Two years ago I wrote an essay based around this question, and now, at the very end, I’m going to pose it again, and build the following meta analysis and speculation around what my answers to the above questions are, and why.

Angel or Man?

One straightforward question.

And yet, Cas’ identity crisis has been with him from the very start of S4, and this question has been at the back of his mind, grating away, causing confusion and erroding his sense of self, because he’s loyal to everyone but himself (perfectly mirroring Dean) and that dual loyalty - Heaven and Dean (humanity) - has always been the baseline for why he can’t answer this straightforward question for himself.

Since S13, when he got himself out of the clutches of the Empty and chose to return to Earth, there’s been, to my mind, a heavy subtextual hinting at Cas having made an actual and very real choice of where he wants to belong - no longer waiting to be told he belongs there, the way he’s shown to be throughout S12 - and this real choice of where he wants to belong comes after we’ve gotten to witness his declaration of love towards Dean and the Winchesters, Cas telling them they’re his family in 12x12, so it fits nicely with his internal progression.

It fits especially nicely when considering the Empty as a symbolic representative of Cas’ Shadow (Carl Jung for the win).

Because Cas standing up to his unconscious fears and telling them to release him makes a double underlining for why Cas, from 13x04 and onward, has been shown to be growing into his sense of belonging, leading to him finding clarity of where to draw the line for himself, without worrying about outside opinion; this moving into a sense of real self-worth reaching a culmination in him standing up for himself to Dean in 15x03.

In fact, Cas standing up for himself was an enormous internal turning point for him, and brought on an enormous internal turning point for Dean, which may hopefully lead to clarity for him as well, and healing, as Cas putting his foot down forced Dean to finally be the one to name the feeling that usually overrides everything else: his anger.

(many secondary characters have tried to bring this awareness as they’ve pointed this out to him) (dark!Kaia especially) (but it took Cas’ righteous anger and distancing for Dean to finally be forced into a position to admit it to himself) (and through it, admit his lack of control over it) (huuuuge step in his movement toward much needed self-insight) (being honest with yourself is the first step!)

*gah*

Now, if Cas has been shown to choose where he wants to belong, for himself: Earth; then throughout S13 and into S14 he was still shown to be heavily reliant on his core trait of loyalty in order to have a pronounced direction, because, to me, his purpose throughout these two seasons leading into S15 still needed to be dictated by where he could apply his sense of duty.

Once he returned from the Empty, it was made perfectly clear that his sense of duty had gone from Heaven, to Humanity.

Not only is this shown through how Cas states, more than once, that he willed himself back to Earth in order to fulfull his promise to Kelly Kline and protect her son, but it’s also given to us in how he uses his angelic powers for torture, once of his own accord, and then (horrifyingly) under the orders of Dean: Cas no longer serves Heaven, he serves Man. (more specifically Dean)

However horrifying - because he shouldn’t be taking orders at all, and he shouldn’t use his powers as a weapon like that - this shift is necessary to underline Cas’ evolving relationship with Heaven, which had its first nail driven into its coffin with Naomi, when she forced Cas to slaughter all those Deans, and its final nail given to us through Cas killing Duma, Cas showing us that he is now refusing to allow Heaven to exact any authority over him and, intriguingly enough for where we’re at now, rather choosing to deplete the needed Heavenly power source in order to kill a would-be oppressor, rather than see Heaven fall back into its previous totalitarian mode of regime.

Cas learning lessons in humanity and wanting to take them to Heaven to fix his home has been part of his arc since the end of S5, to rather disastrous effect, since he was ill-equipped to properly understand and incorporate lessons only half-learned.

Through him breaking away from Dean and leaving the bunker in 15x03, Cas showed independence in a way he never has before.

Of course, he’s always been the one to leave at a moment’s notice or disappear without so much as a by-your-leave, but this was a confrontation, tied directly to Dean’s inability to listen and to forgive.

It’s Cas refusing to be taken for granted, and this shows us how the biggest lesson the narrative has been trying to teach him is finally beginning to take proper hold, because refusing to be taken for granted means that his self-worth is at a point where he’s able to expect more for himself, because he knows he deserves better.

And, or so this meta writer would argue, because he knows Dean is better than how he’s behaving, and Cas is fed up with enabling Dean’s self-righteousness. *headcanon*

So, Cas is now equipped with a lot of the tools needed to bring actual balance to Heaven, to bring strong, good leadership that doesn’t look at human beings as something to scrape off the sole of their shoe. He has a stronger understanding of why humans human, and a sense of compassion that doesn’t cause doubt or confusion, but leaves him secure in his own viewpoint.

That said, we still have him identifying himself as a “thing” in the latter part of S14, which is something that leaves us without the actual answer to the above question, because even towards the end of S14 we have Cas unable to label himself as either or.

In fact, I would say that labeling himself a “thing” alongside Jack - a nephilim who is of Heaven, Earth and Hell - speaks to some amount of identity confusion.

So then.

Let’s ponder the final episodes - keeping in mind we’re just having some fun speculating - and consider the possibilities surrounding the final destination of Cas’ character journey, as well as how the possible outcomes affect his relationship with Dean.

Castiel, Angel of the Lord

Scenario the First —> Cas’ powers are fully restored and…

We get a heartfelt goodbye between Dean and Cas in 15x18 (heavy stuff), where their respective role in the other’s growth comes to a conclusion, and they take the lessons learned and carry on alone, but fulfilled, and grateful for having known each other, leading to a series ending where Cas stays in Heaven.

I mean, it’s emotionally neat, to be honest, because if we leave Destiel to the side and look at the plain text, Dean and Cas’ bond can be tied to their respective individual journeys through how Cas represents Faith to Dean, and Dean represents Humanity to Cas.

They are each other’s most repressed sides manifested, and they are an externalisation of each other’s internal compass, pointing them to the internal work they need to do to be able to reach self-actualisation through acknowledging, accepting and embracing what the other represents to them.

For Dean, it’s learning to have faith in himself, to trust, and in so doing, letting go of his need for control, tied directly to that anger of his.

For Cas, it’s facing and fully accepting the innate humanity he’s always displayed, trusting in it and having no reason to question, doubt or fear it.

So if we get a series ending where Dean is finally having pronounced faith (in himself, not in a higher power) (which is why God as the Big Bad is especially fitting like omfg), and this faith allowing him to tap into his sense of trust (in others rather than himself, but also this extended trust being possible thanks to his newfound trust in himself) and this sense of trust brings about some much needed inner peace, then Cas’ role in Dean’s arc has been fulfilled.

And if we have Cas bringing his accrued understanding and internalised humanity (trusting that his sense of compassion is a strength, not a weakness) back to Heaven in order to bring about actual balance and finally mending what he himself has played a large part in breaking apart, then that would fit with Cas’ overall arc and the lessons Dean, as a role model, was meant to teach will be implemented.

Neat.

Except.

Except for the fact that, if Cas goes fully-fledged angel, returns to Heaven and the series ends on him staying there, these three narratively unsatisfactory points hold true:

He will still, when dead, be bound for the Empty

He will be giving up his family

He will, end of the day, be embracing duty over freedom

Yeah, we need to talk about these three unsatisfactory points, fam.

1. The Empty

Ah, yes, here we go.

The lay of the land is that Cas made a deal with the Empty to save Jack. I wrote a long meta on this so I won’t go into too much detail, save to say that it’s a deal that left Cas promised to the Empty, with the twist that the Empty won’t claim Cas before he gives himself permission to be happy.

Yeah. Ouch much?

I’ve already argued my point for why I doubt Cas will die, but what would happen in a scenario where Cas returns to Heaven fully-fledged, meant to remain there for the rest of his… existence?

I would suppose there would needs be a reckoning between the Empty and Cas before Cas commits to this return, because since they planted the Empty lording its deal with Cas over Cas’ head as recently as 15x13, I have a hard time seeing the writers solving this plot point with anything less than us seeing Cas relaxing into a moment of happiness-permission.

That said, let’s say they do. Let’s say there’s a flick-of-the-wrist solution. I don’t think there will be, but for the sake of argument. And by flick-of-the-wrist I mean we get the Empty showing up in a moment where Cas is truly happy, but the Empty’s appearance doesn’t hold sway thanks to some external force: Jack or Death herself, rather than an internal triumph linked entirely to his individual arc, or in any way linked back to Dean.

(and though some may argue against the love story being canonically viable) (though I’d argue that it is) (the fact that Dean and Cas share a profound bond and a different dynamic to Sam and Cas, and even Dean and Sam, is canonically established) (through both grief!arcs for Dean) (and through Cas choosing to leave in S15 having everything to do with Dean and absolutely nothing to do with Sam)

Solving the deal with the Empty is fairly easily done, even though the flick-of-the-wrist solution won’t be as satisfactory for most of us who know Cas and root for him, and even if the flick-of-the-wrist moment could conceivably come with someone powerful enough (like Jack or even Death, who, though she won’t do hands on interference, seems to have made a promise to the Empty that it will get to go back to sleep once all is said and done) (but, as we know, Billie speaks in riddles), despite the viable characters possibly powerful enough to destroy the Empty, actually destroying it immediately feels, to me, like too big of a cop out and I doubt the writers would even consider it.

Again, this is very much based in my reading of the Empty as Cas’ Shadow, and Cas’ Shadow shouldn’t be destroyed.

For it all to symbolically line up, the Empty should be symbolically integrated.

(the way Michael - Dean’s Shadow representative - wasn’t destroyed, but instead had his essence swallowed down by Jack, becoming a part of him instead, and all that symbolic toxic masculinity poison inside Jack leading to all sorts of narrative repercussions, needing to be levelled out by Jack growing enough to retrieve his soul and return his own internal equilibrium) (which, in turn, is highly symbolic on so many levels) (but enough digression)

Based on this, once the battles are won and God has been defeated, the Empty would remain. So even though the deal is dealt with through whatever means it’s dealt with: that dark, vast, nothing would be the place where angels who die go to suffer a restless, horrific sleep.

For eternity.

And that’s my first argument for why I personally do not want Cas to remain an angel past the conclusion of the show: the Empty looms as victor and will eventually get to claim Cas, even if Cas gets out of the deal he’s made.

I mean, how likely is it that Cas doesn’t face death at some point, really? He’s pretty prone to dying, especially dying for what he believes to be right.

Digression into The Middle Ground as it should be tied in here:

The Middle Ground

Scenario the Third —>

Is there a middle ground here?

Now, here’s a bit of a rub, because way I see it, exploring if there’s a possibility of Cas ending up neither fully-fledged nor human needs to be based in the assumption that Cas isn’t getting his powers back at all.

Which means that, in this middle ground scenario, whatever exchange that occurs between Dean and Cas in 15x18 has nothing to do with them.

For example, the heavy scene that Jensen and Misha were talking about Dean and Cas suffering through could have to do with Jack, though if something terrible is going to happen to Jack or if Jack is going to sacrifice himself for the greater good, I have a hard time seeing Sam not being present.

However, for arguments sake…

In this scenario, where Cas doesn’t power up, we should thirdly assume that we’re left with there being no reason for Cas to choose a human life either.

He simply remains in the same shape and form in which he currently is.

The same shape and form that he’s held since S9, when he suited back up after the human!Cas arc and readied himself for war, necessarily and formidably and to his emotional detriment for many years as it brought on his darkest arc (Lucifer possession).

This choice was a narrative necessity, because human!Cas was already growing into his own skin by 9x09, and it’s made perfectly clear why Cas had to go through it all, because he had to face his fear of being useless without his powers, and unaccepted as an equal and nothing more than expendable with them.

So, would the middle ground scenario - keeping him as is, with all the character progression intact and him, clearly, set to grow and evolve beyond the series’ ending - be narratively satisfactory?

And by narratively satisfactory I mean that this scenario:

ties up loose ends

justifies the obstacles Cas has had to overcome in order to get to where he is in his progression

leaves us with a good understanding of what the future holds for him, judging from where he’s at in his arc at the conclusion of the narrative

I’ll get back to this, but for now I’ll reiterate how Cas remaining an angel in any shape or form, be it the one he’s had for many a season, or a new and powered up version, still means, as per our narrative, that he’s going to have to spend eternity in the Empty.

So, no.

To me - not satisfactory.

Now for the second point up for discussion, should the series end with Cas becoming fully-fledged and returning to Heaven to stay there —>

(while bearing in mind that this is all conjecture and based in my reading of this narrative) (don’t forget them pinches of salt, my loves)

2. Giving Up His Family

Would he have to give up his family, though? If he goes fully-fledged and returns to Heaven to lead in any capacity, doesn’t that just mean that he’ll hear Dean’s prayers and return as often as he can? Which, if their previous track record is anything to go by, would be often. It’s not like this is an ending, right?

Well.

I think it has to be for the narrative to actually have a conclusion.

They could half-ass it and leave the ending open to interpretation, sure; but the question as it stands to be answered is for Castiel to choose between being an angel and being a man, and narratively the half-assed answer is how he’s been living for the majority of his journey.

He has, since S9, been sincerely stuck between these two modes of existing, one foot in Heaven and the other out of it, and for a lot of his progression, this half-assed state of existence has meant horribly broken wings and thinking himself only useful as a weapon.

The narrative itself has pushed for Cas’ internal conflict to be centered on how to honestly answer the question of what his true identity is, and the only way for him to answer it honestly is to gain perspective enough so that he’s able to take a long hard look at who he wants to be.

Due to this, Cas’ internal conflict, since S4, has been circling Cas’ avoidance of being honest with himself. (perfectly mirroring Dean)

So for the narrative to end on the answer being angel, only for Cas to continue to be allowed to half-ass it (because it would be too sad to watch him make a choice that means giving up his family) leaves his journey, and all those hard-learned lessons, coming across as rather pointless.

He was stuck half-assing it for all these years because he hadn’t found the needed perspective to answer the question honestly, so if his honest answer is angel and this honest answer is meant to bring self-actualisation and a step toward real internal balance (or internal completion, if you will) then leaving him in a half-assing it state as the narrative concludes is unsatisfactory.

Let’s look again at the ways to narratively satisfactorily end Cas’ journey:

tying up loose ends

justifying the obstacles Cas has had to overcome in order to get to where he is in his progression

leaving us with a good understanding of what the future holds for him, judging from where he’s at in his arc at the conclusion of the narrative

The answer is yes to all of these points if Cas becomes a fully-fledged angel and STAYS in Heaven, with no detours to Earth, because angels aren’t meant to walk the Earth, and it was them walking the Earth after staying away for two thousand years that really started this whole roller coaster ride of destruction and mayhem, right? Right.

Castiel making peace with his past and accepting the fact that he was never meant to live an earthbound existence, taking all the good things humanity has taught him, and fully embracing his own innate humanity in order to take away the fear and indoctrination of Heaven, would make for a satisfactory ending to his individual arc.

At least the superficial reading of it.

And I’m not about the superficial reading of it.

And of course I don’t want this for Cas. But looking at it from a purely narrative viewpoint, I can see how this could work.

It just means that Cas would have to recognise his ties to Dean for what they are (in this scenario): a teachable moment. And Cas has learned his lessons. And he’ll always be grateful, but it’s time for him to let go.

Yeah, like I said, I don’t want this for Cas or for Cas and Dean, but I can see it as viable. More viable than Cas half-assing it as a fully-fledged angel, because that leaves a much bigger narrative exclamation point for me in that it basically invalidates the necessity for his broken wings and rebellion as part of his character growth.

If he’s going to land back exactly where he started, then he should’ve been able to get there fully-fledged. But, of course, he couldn’t get there fully-fledged because the writers couldn’t work him into the narrative if he was powered up.

He was always too powerful an ally to the very breakable brothers, and if he’d been fully-fledged throughout, it would’ve messed up our sense of the stakes.

But now, should he be allowed to half-ass it as fully-fledged once the narrative has ended, his brokeness, which has always been so essential to his progression, will come across much less as an integral part of that, and all the more like nothing but a narrative necessity, rather than a way to structure and explore Cas’ needs as a character for internal growth that have always, so beautifully, mirrored Dean’s needs.

Of course, if Cas were to choose to go back (forever), then there’s the highly satisfactory tie-back potential of a goodbye between Cas and Dean linking right back to the end of S8, giving us the gravitas of the “ET goes home” moment in full regalia.

It would be heartbreaking af, but for it to hold that gravitas, ET really has to get on that spaceship and go off home forever this time. You know?

In my book, it would be the tragedy to end all tragedies. *please no*

3. Duty over Freedom

This is a big one for me.

It’s a big one because the overarching and driving themes of our narrative have always had to do with —>

identity (and self-worth)

family (and loyalty)

freedom of choice (and duty)

And the constant push and pull of these three thematic threads decrees the ups and downs of Cas’ progression, as well as Dean’s, because of the way that their deeply rooted view on duty is directed at everything and everyone but themselves, and this view on duty is informed by their sense of loyalty, and that sense of loyalty is all askew due to their lack of self-worth.

Sam has this same duty-triggered sense of loyalty as well, though in a slightly different guise, because though Dean and Cas have both been messed up by their respective fathers’ indoctrination into soldierdome (the root of the root of their view on duty) Sam’s sense of duty is to his father figure, which is Dean.

Sam may have rejected feeling any sense of duty towards John, but the codependency has ensured that Sam is still stuck in the same pattern, has learned it, one might say, through looking up to Dean and, to my mind, knowing the sacrifices Dean has always made, putting Sam first, no matter what, and the codependency has held due to Sam’s diminished self-worth after every choice he made during his time with Ruby.

Defeating the devil and saving the world, in spite of those choices, wasn’t enough to heal the trauma he inflicted on his own self-perception, and his trust began to seep out of him with every new situation lobbied at him where control was taken away from him. So he handed that control over to Dean. And let him lead. Because it was just easier.

(I love this show so much) (the threading is so breathtaking)

Now, back to Cas —>

The narrative has worked to teach Cas a lesson.

The lesson of choice.

But making choices without having the self-worth to trust your innate instincts, as well as having an understanding of your own morals and boundaries, is a recipe for disaster.

As the narrative has shown us, time and again.

Each horrific choice Cas has made has been pushing for him to gain enough self-insight that he’ll learn from his mistakes, and grow.

And he has.

There is the darker side of duty, the one where one does what one has to, where one makes the bad deal, where fear is allowed to govern one’s sense of direction, and old patterns are easier to remain in than forging new ones.

This is the sense of duty all of our main characters seem set to break away from.

But, of course, their core traits are also informed by their deeply felt need to protect innocent life, to step in where they know they’re the only ones who can actually make a difference, to take responsibility for ensuring the safety of people who are in harms way.

Yah, this sense of duty (the one that makes them into actual heroes) is informed by the good side to loyalty.

What they need to break away from is following old patterns blindly, without asking themselves what they actually want, and without much planning or hope for the future.

So if the scenario we get is the one that gives us Castiel, Angel of the Lord, where he goes back to Heaven at the end of the series, with all the bells and whistles that comes along with that, allowing Cas to actually bring about some sense of peace and order and fix his home, then we still get the unsatisfactory ingredient of Cas reverting back to old patterns, because we have this stated:

You listen to me. Look, thank you. Thank you. Knowing you… It’s been the best part of my life, and the things we’ve shared together - they have changed me. You’re my family. I love you. I love all of you.

We have it narratively stated through dialogue that Cas:

considers his time on Earth the best part of his “life” (a very human thing for an angel to say btw)

that what he’s shared with the Winchesters has changed him (and we’ve seen that manifested in all of the choices he’s made throughout S13-15 where he stopped serving Heaven, began serving Man only to, by beginning of S15, start to serve himself, listening to his own wants and needs and setting clear boundaries for how he expects to be treated)

that he considers the Winchesters - and, of course, this now includes Jack - as his family

and he loves them

He loves them. One might say that his heart is, symbolically, earthbound.

Back to the bulletpoint overview of how to narratively satisfactorily end Cas’ journey and, keeping in mind the three points discussed above of what remaining an angel at the end of his journey would actually mean for Cas as a character, we ask ourselves:

Does him remaining an angel satisfactorily tie up loose ends?

Does him remaining an angel justify the obstacles he’s had to overcome in order to get to where he is in his progression?

Does him remaining an angel leave us with a good understanding of what the future holds for him, judging from where he’s at in his arc at the conclusion of the narrative?

For me, it’s a pretty big and hella bold-lettered no to the first two, and a meh to the third one, because yes, we’ll get a good idea of what a Heavenbound Cas might do with his existence, but it’s not a satisfactory yes, because of all the already mentioned reasons.

He’ll have answered the identity question by choosing Angel as his reply, but that reply nullifies so much of the emotional growth he’s done over the years, and goes against the multitude of narrative statements given to us of where he feels he belongs.

So, nothing else to do but to discuss the second possible scenario on our checklist, right?

Yaaaaassss indeed. Not going to lie. I’m partial to this one. Pardon me if my love for the human!Cas arc shines through. (it glitters and sparkles)

So Very, Very Human

Scenario the Second —> Cas’ powers are fully restored and…

We get to witness that heartfelt goodbye between Dean and Cas, but then, instead of staying in Heaven, we get Cas, fully powered, gaining the perspective he needs of who he truly is and who he wants to be, leading to a series ending where Cas chooses to become human, returning to Earth and all the shenanigans of a hunter life.

My main reason for standing so firmly behind the idea of Castiel cutting out his grace and choosing a human life is anchored in the three thematic tentpoles of this narrative’s push for character progression.

As already mentioned, they are:

identity (and self-worth)

family (and loyalty)

freedom of choice (and duty)

The in-between state Cas has been hovering in since Dean’s death at the end of S9, an in-between state that won’t be satisfactorily concluded (as per my above argumentation against it) through him becoming a fully-fledged powered up angel of the lord warrior of Heaven again, would be satisfactorily concluded should he choose, for himself, that where he wants to be, where he belongs, is with his family.

He belongs on Earth.

And the foremost reason for why he belongs on Earth isn’t actually based in the fact that it’s where those he loves are, it runs deeper than that, because in order for Cas to feel whole, in order for him to feel, as the narrative has put it more than once in the last few seasons, complete, he needs to accept what his true form is, he needs to open up to what the narrative has tried to teach him and show him, for all these years, that it is, and that true form is human.

Do we need him to feel whole? There are plenty of broken people in this world, right? Why can’t Cas be representative of someone who has found his place, regardless of whether he’s all fixed up? Perhaps he keeps his broken wings and still changes his attitude from feeling like he’s a “thing” to thinking of himself as simply himself?

Perhaps he already is doing exactly that?

This line of questioning brings us back to —>

The Middle Ground

Let’s reiterate Scenario the Third: based in the assumption that Cas isn’t getting his powers back at all, and we’re left with there being no reason for Cas to choose a human life either. He simply remains in the same shape and form that he’s more or less held since S9.

Now, I’ll ask it again: would the middle ground scenario - keeping him as is, with all the character progression intact and him, clearly, set up to grow and evolve beyond the series’ ending - be narratively satisfactory?

Does it tie up loose ends?

Does it justify the obstacles Cas has had to overcome in order to get to where he is in his progression?

Does it leave us with a good understanding of what the future holds for him, judging from where he’s at in his arc at the conclusion of the narrative?

Well, let’s see.

Does Cas remaining as he has been - broken wings and all - tie up loose ends?

Loose ends for Cas would be the fact that Heaven is falling apart; the deal with the Empty; answering that overarching question of Angel or Man? (no longer considering himself an in between thing); claiming the place where he belongs (a Cas is Back in Town moment); displaying a healthy sense of duty (shield rather than weapon) and narratively being rewarded for Big Lessons Learned.

Loose End: Heaven is Falling Apart —>

As mentioned, Cas has tried to fix his home since end of S5, where he declared that was he was going to do to a grief stricken Dean, and left (oh Cas)

Cas’ first attempt was to bring what he’d learned about free will to Heaven, trying to teach it to the angels, discovering, to his great despair, that it’s like trying to teach poetry to fish, but, again, I would argue that Cas wasn’t fully equipped to act the teacher, and because he forced himself into the role, seeing no other way to beat Raphael than to push for the type of rebellion he learned how to stage through his time with Dean, it ended with Cas’ confused sense of identity manifesting in him morphing into the figure he’d hoped could save them all: God.

Rather than believing he was enough, he could see no other choice but to become something else entirely, something that went against everything he truly believes to his core to be right, turning him into something violent and discompassionate, pushing him to finally admit the error in his choice, only to have it be too late, and that choice ending up setting the Leviathan loose on the world while he died in that lake, paying the ultimate price for his mistakes.

This part of Cas’ backstory, the deep failure, the shame, the guilt that came with it, has been underpinning Cas’ lack of self-worth and, more importantly, his lack of self-trust ever since he came back in 7x17.

This is why Heaven now sitting on the brink of collapse is tied so specifically to his character journey and why it’s an important loose end that is in need of tying up, not only plot wise, but as part of a narrative statement clarifying Cas’ progression.

How so?

Because there should be good reason - whether Cas stays on Earth as is, or whether he makes the choice to become human - for him to feel at peace with that choice, and especially if Cas is to stay as is - broken wings and all - there’s even more reason for us to understand that he’s no longer in-between Heaven and Earth: he’s able to let Heaven go.

So if Heaven is no longer crying out for him to, out of sheer narrative necessity, stay dutifully tied to that sense of guilt and shame that his previous failures have placed in him, keeping him feeling ever so responsible for his birthplace, making it rather impossible for him to actually weigh what he truly wants for himself, then once Heaven is balanced out, what we might get to witness is Cas able to definitively let Heaven go. Cas making one final choice of remaining on Earth, and making it for himself.

Saving Heaven from this threat of continued errosion is most easily accomplished through two narrative tools that are already established in the narrative:

Jack using his powers to help restore this balance

or an archangel returning to Heaven and restoring a semblence of it’s former glory (Michael might change his mind...for example)

Both these things can happen without Cas being fully-fledged, nor does he need to be human, he can stay just as he’s been and Heaven can still find balance.

One could even see how Heaven actually being balanced out at the end of the series and Cas being allowed to breathe again could be structured into serving as his narrative reward for Big Lessons Learned. Because there should be a reward at the end of Cas’ journey. He’s literally been to Hell and back.

The thing is that for that reward to be apparent to us, we need to see the moment where he truly earns it, a moment that establishes that he’s not only aware of what the narrative has been pushing for him to learn, but the Big Lessons are internalised and his journey has worked to evolve him.

The simplest way of showing these Big Lessons Learned to the audience and clarifying this moment of Cas earning his reward, is by giving us a sense of Cas choosing.

Why?

Because the narrative, as already offered, is based in the theme of Freedom of Choice, and ideally Cas’ choice would tie directly in with the other two overarching themes of identity and family.

Which lands us in this question: What exactly would Cas be shown to choose should he remain as is?

Because, to my mind, Cas remaining as he is makes it pretty difficult to show him making any sort of choice, since he is literally just staying as he has been, especially as he has been since he made that choice back in 13x04 of returning from the Empty to Earth, being sent back in his old vessel.

See, he’s already chosen where he wants to belong, and S15, if anything, has underlined this choice having been made, through Cas’ confrontation with Dean, Cas leaving the bunker because of Dean, and then returning, before Dean apologised, because Dean being a dickhead no longer interferes with Cas’ sense of self: he knows where he belongs.

(and without him returning nothing will change) *slow eye-brow raise*

And it may not have been an overt Cas is Back in Town moment, but it came damn close.

So, then, what choice does he need to make?

For me, the choice isn’t where to belong, because the answer has been given to us through his actions since S13, but especially throughout S15, but rather the choice still ahead of him is how to belong.

And lest we forget, should Cas choose to belong on Earth as an angel, he will still, by all accounts, be headed for the Empty once all is said and done, Because at the end of it all, the Empty will (most likely) get to go back to sleep. I cannot see it going bye-bye.

So the fact remains that, even if there’s some way out of Cas’ current Empty deal, there’s nowhere else for Cas to go when he dies.

And after everything he’s been through (and as per the romantic in me) shouldn’t he get to go to Heaven, and shouldn’t it be a shared Heaven, one where his soulmate resides? I would argue with my last breath that the answer is yes.

But, my loves, there’s only one way for him to get there.

Oh, let me add that I don’t believe Cas still has his soul, because then he wouldn’t have gone so completely to the Empty after his angel death. Honestly, I like it better that way, because the humanity of humans is often professed to reside with their soul, but Cas is a statement of how one’s humanity is actually tied to one’s choices, giving us an excellent example of how it doesn’t matter what you are, it matters what you do.

Jack’s choices, for example, may have become heavily influenced by him losing his soul and his ability to feel fully, but most of his mistakes were brought on because of the lack of guidance he suffered. WWWD was not a very good piece of advice, and had Dean been the one to take on the responsibility (which he couldn’t, because of his suspicion rooted in all his own fears, but if he had) then the outcome would’ve most likely been a different one.

I’ll leave the How Cas Can Get Into Heaven topic for now, and focus us back on the loose ends, because the one that sticks out the most - at least to me - is how, if Cas were to remain as he is, neither getting his wings back nor choosing to become human, we will not get an actual answer to the narratively posed question of Angel or Man?

Loose End: The Question of His True Identity

Cas remaining as is, isn’t a final choice.

It may be an acceptance of how he has to remain broken and somewhat stuck in-between if he’s to live on Earth and be with his human family, but it’s not a choice, not really, not this late in the game.

For me, this isn’t a deal breaker (in fact, no scenario really is because I in no way expect all of this to be hitting the spot to a T anyway) but it would be highly unsatisfactory.

Why is it so important to get a definitive answer to the Angel or Man question? After all, it was posed six seasons ago and perhaps the narrative has actually moved on from it?

Yes, this is absolutely a good point and a possibility at that, and, again, I am in no way deluded enough to think that all of this speculation will hit on what we’ll actually get with even the slightest precision, but for my own sake (which is really why I’m outlining all these thoughts yeah?) I want to push for why I still feel, to my core, that leaving Cas with broken wings, even if he finds self-worth and self-actualisation in that half-state, there is something deeply unsatisfactory in the loose end of not actually answering the question of which side to him - the angelic or the human - that actually brings him the most happiness.

(I almost wrote “which side to him actually sparks joy”) (but no) (I mean kinda yes he should Marie Kondo his insides) (we all should do that once in a while) (them mean thoughts and them self-destructive impulses?) (yeah they can go) (anyway…)

Not giving us a definitive answer to the question of identity is especially dissatisfying as the narrative, for over ten years of character journey, has shown us how miserable it makes Cas to not be earthbound. In fact, the one time he made the choice to go back to Heaven and close the gates behind him forever in order to save humanity, the narrative said nope, don’t think so - and brought him right back to humanity. By making him human.

I will concede to this being my interpretation of Cas’ journey, because nowhere in canon is this stated, but way I see it, Cas has been transitioning from angel to human since the second he touched Dean in Hell.

And it’s not a desire placed there by Dean, it’s something Cas has carried within himself, a curiosity, and a seedling of doubt, ever since he came off the assembly line with a crack in his chassis.

Gripping Dean tight and raising him from perdition merely served to give Cas’ already existing curiosity, and doubt, something to actually focus on. Something to focus on so hard that all the brainwashing done by Heaven couldn’t keep it at bay anymore, because it’s part of who Cas truly is to question authority, to seek free will, to not be used as a weapon, but to step in and act the shield of his own volition.

Which brings us back to the second scenario, which I’m now going to expand on —>

So Very, Very Human (again)

Remember those three tentpoles of this narrative’s push for character progression?

identity (and self-worth)

family (and loyalty)

freedom of choice (and sense of duty)

And what were all those loose ends in need of being tied up?

Heaven is falling apart

The deal with the Empty

Answering that overarching question of Angel or Man? (no longer considering himself an in between thing)

Claiming the place where he belongs (a Cas is Back in Town moment)

Displaying a healthy sense of duty (shield rather than weapon)

Narratively being rewarded for Big Lessons Learned

I am not saying Cas has to become human in order for his journey to conclude 100% satisfactorily, thus spake the lords of storytelling; I am open to (no I mean it sincerely) whatever is headed our way, whatever the writers choose as an ending that is satisfactory to them, I will accept it, whatever guise it takes, yeah?

This is simply my personal preference for what would be the most satisfactory to me, and I’m making that statement now, because I’m about to go headfirst into outlining exactly why. Thanks for sticking with me this far. You’re awesome. *heart eyes*

Okay.

Human!Cas.

Before we look ahead, I’d like us to look back, all the way back to S9 and the human!Cas arc, because I’d like to explain, briefly, why I put down the need for a Cas is Back in Town moment amidst those loose ends.

You see, when Cas first experienced mortality, we all know it started rough. It started with him feeling lost and being all alone and getting himself killed and then it continued with him believing he’d finally come home to roost in the bunker, only to be inexplicably thrown out, by Dean, and then Cas went on to find himself a human persona (Steve) and learning to mimick other humans and doing simply what he figured was expected of him, and then Dean came into town and because Dean encouraged Cas to get in on the case, Cas was brought into a situation where he had no choice but to face the fear of getting himself killed again, only this time he’d probably stay dead - a fear that had been festering like a terrible festering festerer - and once he’d done that, he was able to finally admit to himself that “Steve” wasn’t anything but an armour and he dropped that armour and then we got the Cas is back in town moment of 9x09 fame.

So.

It would be awesome for him to have another Cas is Back in Town moment.

Why, exactly?

Because that’s the moment in the human!Cas arc when we are shown, unequivocally, that Cas’ sense of identity is flourishing. He is choosing to insert himself into the investigation, even though the last time we saw Cas, it was when he was told by Dean Touchstone for all Things Human Winchester to go and live his life, basically having it explained to him, by his foremost role model for what humanity is, that life, and specifically this newfound life of Cas’, should be lived away from dangerous things.

Cas being back in town, and happy and proud to be so, is all about Cas embracing his innate need to protect, even if that means risking his own life, and choosing a hunter life for himself, finding his way back to the people he loves by being entirely honest with himself about who he is and who he wants to be, not allowing fear to rule him.

He follows his heart, you might say. (go on, you know you wanna say it)

And yes, out of narrative necessity - because Cas can’t see how he can help save/heal Sam or stave off the brewing war as a human - Cas then chooses to swallow stolen grace and get his powers back, which, btw, brings about the most heartbreaking phone exchange between Dean and Cas ever. Ow. My damn heart.

So then, that’s the human!Cas arc in brief, and the core reason for why I feel so very strongly that Cas - who screwed himself by swallowing that grace, unable to see how he could possibly be useful in the fight as a human, even though he displays a stronger sense of self as a human than he ever has as an angel - would be happiest, at the end of his journey, if he were to end it on making the choice to become human, to live a mortal life, with his family, on Earth.

And, yes, then, rather than spending eternity in the dread Empty, getting to go to Heaven with the man he goddamn well loves, innit?

Ah, but there’s more. Oh, yes.

1. Identity

In ways that remaining an angel narratively simply cannot provide, Cas choosing to become human would cement the end of his transitioning period and would be the final marker for those Big Lessons Learned.

The Big Lessons presented to him throughout the narrative, meant to bring him to a point of growth in his progression where he can finally and honestly and without hesitation answer the questions Who am I? and Who do I want to be? ie. What do I want?

And, yes, if the answer to these questions were: Human. and To live a long and happy life. then this would also answer the question of what Cas’ true identity is, ie. it would provide the conclusive reply to the Angel or Man? query.

And yes, of course, so would the reply Angel, but as I’ve attempted to demonstrate through my above argumentation, replying Angel still comes with dangling loose ends.

I would also argue that Cas’ happiest moment could be, and even should be, tied to his moment of self-actualisation, his moment of finally being honest with himself, not only honest about where he truly belongs, but how he wants to belong there.

He’s been missing that PB&J, but he has never believed that he would be of any use in the fight if he doesn’t have his powers. He’s been unable to actually see himself as part of the Winchester clan if he doesn’t have something to bring to the table, because the last time he tried, he was left with what he saw as no other choice but to admit defeat and swallow that stolen grace, so that he could power back up and feel ready, feel less vulnerable, find those old, worn patterns and take comfort from them.

To have Cas restored to full strength - because I do believe it would be a beautiful moment, not just for Cas, but for Jack as well, and if Dean is there, then it would be an all around gorgeous moment of healing - to then have Cas, with all his powers, finally admit that he doesn’t want them, because he doesn’t need them anymore, they’re not as much a part of him as they’re a helpful side effect to being an angel, and he doesn’t belong in Heaven, he doesn’t want to be in Heaven, and he may not know exactly what a human life will entail - he has an inkling, since his stint as a human, but there’s still so much he’s never experienced - he just knows he wants it.

And this would all be brain-crackling, full of satisfaction and tying up of many loose ends, as well as underlining the actual necessity for Cas’ journey through all of the Big Lessons Learned. *feels*

There could be stakes added here, tying back to S8 and the closing of the gates. To bring about balance, perhaps the gates of Heaven and Hell need to close for good? Ie. there’ll be no more angels and demons walking the Earth. So the choice for Cas wouldn’t be an in between one, it would be an either or. Stay in Heaven forever and remain an angel, or go back to Earth, but go back as a human.

It fits the narrative if anything like this were to happen - Cas being confronted with an ultimatum that forces clarity - because Cas isn’t contemplating cutting out his grace. Not yet. He’s safe within the status quo and sees no reason to question it, not even with the Empty popping up to remind him of their deal.

Aw, yes, let’s explore how the Empty so neatly ties in with Cas’ fear of happiness. (perfectly mirroring Dean)

Now, remember, I’m looking at this with the Empty as representative of Cas’ Shadow, which, in Carl Jung terms means the Empty is a manifestation of Cas’ unconscious.

The Shadow, made up of repressed thoughts, desires and feelings, doesn’t trust that anything will ever be okay or that anything good will last - it’s up to oneself to consciously strive to dare to believe in such things, and conquer one’s unconscious fears, because if our fears are allowed to influence and rule us, then real happiness will be difficult to accept as lasting, and the emotional roller coaster will feel safer than actually standing still in a balanced frame of mind.

The Shadow is in charge of that roller coaster. It’s not really as menacing as it’s made out to be through the Empty, but it is still a side to oneself that one has to face, accept and integrate in order to find that balanced from of mind.

Looking at it from this point of view - and I do - the Shadow telling Cas to keep fearing that moment of happiness — because it won’t last, it will mean he’s bound for the Empty, and a horrifying eternal non-sleep, with no peace in sight — is a manipulative tactic to keep Cas from striving toward self-actualisation and integration.

Because if he does reach self-actualisation, if he balances himself out and gets a moment of perfect internal clarity, where there’s no need for fear, where he’s been able to be honest with himself and honestly LOVE himself in the process, then that moment of self-actualisation will allow him to see his Shadow clearly, and integrate it through acceptance of his own flaws - that shame and guilt and all of that fear of failure will begin to be healed, and his Shadow will have no more emotional buttons to push in order to keep Cas cowed, mistrusting of himself, and defeated.

His conscious self (ego) will no longer be ruled by his unconscious (shadow).

So how does Cas actually beat the deal?

I mean, from that above reading, I would say that a very effective way for him to break the deal is to stop fearing that moment of happiness, and by no longer allowing his fear to rule him, being able to reach his moment of self-actualisation, and the moment of integration.

Cas choosing to become human would be a moment of honesty, of self-insight, of acceptance. It would be a moment of deep, deep self-actualisation. A moment of real internal peace, followed, I would say, by a moment of true happiness.

So let me paint you a detailed spec scenario, because it demonstrates why I am so behind this idea, not that I think this is The Scenario, but because it simply makes sense and ticks all the boxes for satisfaction that are at the back of my head.

Fully-fledged Cas is in Heaven (which is balanced out thanks to Jack/Michael/Death or whatever constellation is created to Fix It) and Cas is now faced with the option to stay an angel, or to go back to Earth a human.

He makes the choice - meaning his moment of true happiness. *identity based*

The Empty appears.

But the thing is, Cas now knows what he’s found for himself by making this choice - a loophole.

He cuts out his grace doubly triumphant: he gets to go home, and the Empty has no hold over him anymore.

He is not for the Empty - he is human, and when he dies, he will go to Heaven.

It’s not about taking anything away from him or saying that he’s not fine just as he is, it’s building on the narrative push for him to accept himself, just as he’s always been, and stop fighting it, stop questioning it, stop worrying that he won’t be enough without his powers, that he won’t be able to contribute, that he won’t be looked at the same, because, in the end, when it comes to self-actualisation, all that matters is what you think and what you know to be your truth.

Self-actualisation is about your acceptance of yourself, it’s about your ability to love yourself through that acceptance, and it, in turn, opening you up to receiving love, knowing, to your core, that you are lovable and deserve to be loved.

With this scenario comes a Big Lessons Learned moment that sets Cas up for a reward.

And what should it be?

2. Family

As already mentioned, we know who Cas considers to be his family: Dean, Sam and Jack.

If Jack doesn’t end up sacrificing himself for the greater good (which I feel is more plausible a death than any other), then his human side would, most likely, keep him on Earth.

And then there’s Sam. Dear Sam. Who’s a friend in need and a friend, indeed.

Lastly, there’s Dean. And the depth of what Dean means for Cas, and what Dean narratively has meant for Cas’ progression, is pretty much impossible to overlook.

I know I already brought this up, but I think it’s important to note, because whether we get a textual pronounciation and conclusion to the subtextual love story between Dean and Cas, or whether it’s kept in subtext and merely strongly hinted at, the fact of the matter is that they matter to one another, more so than anyone else have ever mattered to them and this would, of course, provide the tragedy of a goodbye, should a goodbye be required, and the ending be tragic, but it also pushes on the very real fact of how a reward, in any guise, would most easily be tied to what they’ve narratively (and very canonically) have meant for one another.

Yes, when I say they matter more to each other than anyone else, this means even Sam for Dean, because Sam isn’t the character in the narrative put there to help push for Dean’s progression - Cas is.

To put it plainly: the codependency is the placeholder, highlighting the progression that’s needed to reach self-actualisation. The trust and healthy challenges Dean shares with Cas is the opposite, underlining the fears he needs to face, and where he should get to emotionally, once he has reached self-actualisation.

Cas’ relationship with Dean - and how Dean was a role model in all things human, at least up until the moment Cas stated there was nothing left to say and stepped out of that bunker, because he’d learned what he could and he had no interest in learning how to be so unforgiving, which was a Big Lesson, since it takes the label of teacher off Dean and allows him to be entirely something else - could easily serve as a satisfactory conclusion and statement of Cas having incorporated all the lessons of the narrative, especially since so many of them tie directly back to Dean.

Cas embracing his own humanity, for himself, without worrying about what that humanity might mean for anyone else, and believing himself deserving of love due to letting go of all those old fears, thanks to him reaching a point of self-actualisation, would mean that he would stop waiting for Dean to make a move, and might very well make that move himself.

Personally I’m doubtful it will be textual, but what stronger statement could the writers make of who ends up with whom than to end the series on Sam with Eileen, and Cas returning from Heaven, human, and giving us something very akin to that Cas is Back in Town moment (even if it’s only in spirit)?

It would serve to let us know that, of course, Cas isn’t fearful of his mortality this time around. He’s empowered by it. And him returning to the bunker, to his family, to the life, to Dean, signals to us how he’s very ready to get back to it all, including going out hunting (with Dean).

Simple. Neat. Non-explicit, and yet undeniable.

Aka closure.

The good kind. You know? The one that leaves you exhilarated and dancing around your room laughing with joy at how amazing all the subsequent fanfiction will most likely be, exploring all of their post-series finale shen-an-i-gans?? Yeah, that good kind.

*head exploding*

Most of all, for the people out there who, like me, are thirsty for satisfaction, they will remain Team Free Will (hopefully 2.0), they will remain a family, they will remain.

There may be new dynamics to work with, but they will still be them and they will remain as close as they ever were, with the promise of them all growing even closer, following each other’s continued progression as they all move into a new phase in their lives. But together.

3. Freedom of Choice

Cas choosing to become human would effectively demonstrate to us how he’s leaving behind the yoke of his previous sense of duty.

Instead of praying for guidance, or relying on external forces to dictate what his actions should be, he’ll still be doing what has to be done, but he’ll be doing it purely reliant on his own personal view of the world and his place in it.

This would be a rather remarkable way to address how so many of his choices have been made under duress, either because he’s been manipulated into them without having the wherewithal to see through the manipulation (Crowley, Metatron, Lucifer) or because he’s simply felt lost, mistrusting his inner compass and unable to follow any gut instinct that would’ve otherwise been able to guide him.

In making the choice to become human, Cas would cast off his past, shake it off, as it were, and move into his future, free to take it as it comes in a way we’ve only seen him be once before. (as a human)

I suppose my hope is for our love story to grow into the text before the end, but I’m also very aware that we’re rapidly moving towards the 11th hour, and I doubt we’ll get a last-minute confirmation or the show ending on a kiss between them, because this show isn’t about them.

What’s important to remember, however, is that the fear of happiness runs deep in Dean as well, and Cas has been shown to provide Dean with a source of happiness that he doesn’t get from anyone else, so if Dean’s journey is to end on a high note, and he’s to face his fear of true happiness and believe he deserves to be loved and the reward being… not linked to Cas in any way? I have a very hard time seeing that happening. So, I have faith.

What I hope for, more than anything at this point, is for an ending definitive enough that we don’t have to wonder and we don’t have to make it up for ourselves.

An ending that is open enough that we know they will continue on, something for us to build on, and we most likely and most happily will build on it for ages to come, no matter what we get (at least I will), but still, an ending, a conclusion, a statement.

Closure.

*for the love of Ash’s hair*

To Summarise

Here endeth my long speculation and gentle argumentation for Cas to choose humanity at the end of our remarkable narrative.

To give a brief overview of the points I’ve tried to make (hopefully I’ve succeeded in making them) (whether you agree or not is a different matter) —>

In 15x18 Cas makes the choice to return to Heaven to act as commander of the (handful? or will Jack be able to make more as his powers grow without, you know, transforming human souls?) of angels still there and make a concerted effort to defend Heaven, while Dean, Sam and Jack rally the troops on Earth, and Rowena rally the armies of Hell (please!)

He gets his powers back because the choice is the right one to make as he narratively needs the perspective in order to truly decide who he is and who he wants to be, and the reward for that right choice is that he doesn’t have to face the final battle with broken wings

There’s an ET goes home callback that makes us all fucking cry when Dean and Cas say their goodbyes, Dean being supportive af because that would be awesome, showing his progression

All the while, Dean wishes, fervently, that Cas would just stay, and at some point it would be doubly awesome for him to vocalise this

There is the possibility that everyone understands that if they win this war with God, and things start going back to “normal”, the best thing for everyone would be for the gates of Heaven and of Hell to close, but this might also be something that’s realised once the war is won

(of course it will be won) (thank fuck)

So, either Dean and Cas’ goodbye makes us cry because there’s the understanding that Cas won’t be able to just flit back and forth between Heaven and Earth as he pleases and so it’s really goodbye

Or it makes us cry because it’s still the end of them, as Cas is bound for Heaven again, and their relationship seems to be reverting to S4 status like N-O P-L-E-A-S-E

But because the gates of Heaven are closing (or not) Cas is pushed into making this choice for himself, and naw, he’s not going to stay in Heaven

The moment he makes the choice to return to Earth as a human, the Empty shows up to claim him

But the loophole allows Cas to tell the Empty to fuck right off as Cas (or another angel) cuts out his grace and he falls back to Earth. (in his human vessel) (if Metatron can do it, then an archangel such as Mike or even someone like Naomi, if she comes back on the board, can do it) (eh?)

Cas reunites with the gang, Sam and Eileen are lovey dovey, Dean and Cas are happy for them, and either they part ways here, Sam staying with Eileen, Dean and Cas heading out to Baby, or they stay together, a family unit, with Jack as well, of course, and it’s not like everything is perfect and they’re surrounded by a white picket fence and there are butterflies fluttering, because there’s still evil in the world that needs to be hunted and fought and they’ll always have work to do, but we see them together and we just know they’ll be alright.

All is peace.

And we are done.

FADE TO BLACK.

Buh-LIEVE me, this detail spec is not what we’re getting and I know it isn’t, but I wanted to write it out to explain what I got in my head, why it felt viable to me, and why the worry that they’ll give Cas his wings back and pack him off to Heaven and leave him there made me feel the need to write down why that is just not a good idea. (!!)

Do I actually believe they would ever do that?

I actually don’t. But, by that same token, I don’t know they wouldn’t. And to calm myself, I had to write out why I actually don’t think they would. Because narratively I cannot see how it would ever actually work that he becomes fully-fledged and goes away. You know?

Either he’ll remain as he is, and the Empty, and the sad parts that come with him not actually self-actualising before our eyes will simply be what it is, and I’ll accept it as it is, yeah?

Or he’ll become human.

He won’t die again. I just do not believe he will. But hey, I’ve been wrong before! That’s partly the fun of this. It’s always so satisfying when you get it even in the ballpark of close to what we actually get on the show. Mh mh goodness.

What’s interesting to me, though, is the whole callback to S8 idea that hasn’t really left me alone since it got in my head, because it would be so lovely and so heartbreaking and so poignant. For Dean to be put in a situation where he supports Cas’ choices and does so without hesitation, but where he also ends up being compelled to say something, to tell Cas he wishes Cas could stay, or hopes Cas will come back or anything that just speaks to how Dean has let Cas disappear one too many times without properly expressing how, maybe, Dean would rather Cas stuck around.

It would, of course, tie back to the prayer, and to how Dean was absolutely ready to look Cas in the eyes, even though there were less then three minutes left on that ticking clock, and tell Cas what he’d felt compelled to say when he thought he was losing him again. There was no need for Dean to repeat it in purgatory, but maybe that was foreshadowing for what’s yet to come.

Even with the impossibility of Cas actually staying, because they have a war to win and Cas is needed elsewhere, it would be lovely if this is the moment Dean makes it clear that, under different circumstances, Dean would have preferred it that Cas stayed.

And for Cas to, instead of having humanity thrust upon him, the way it was in S8 when Metatron tricked him and cut out his grace, getting to choose it this time, and choose it for himself.

The ET goes home moment would reflect S8 kind of perfectly, but with an actually happy outcome, hinting at a new human!Cas arc and, for me, that would be as good as textual Destiel because they’re on fire in the human!Cas arc. Like, they are moving towards something actual and tangible, the way they’re flirting with each other in that bar. I don’t think there is a more endearing or adorable moment than Cas drinking his beer and paying Dean a compliment and giving him a wink. And Dean then returning the flirtation.

Um. Yes, please.

By the way, let me make it absolutely clear that there’s no doubt in my mind that the culmination of the love story in no way is relying on Cas becoming human. This isn’t a They Both Have to Be Human to be Together argument, because Dean has been in love with Cas for a long time, long before the human!Cas arc. It doesn’t matter what form Cas takes, to Dean Cas is Cas.

The question is one of obstacles. We ask ourselves: what’s been stopping them from actually being together this whole time?

To me, all the choices that the characters make throughout S9 is an enormous turning point for all of them, but especially Dean and Cas during the beginning of the season, as their choices give us so much of what they need to do, what aspects of themselves they have to address, if they’re ever to find their way out of self-destruction and self-doubt, and into self-worth, paving the way for them being able to believe they deserve the love that the other has been proffering for all these years, and actually seeing it in its true light, accepting it, trusting it, and returning it without any inhibition.

Add to that the already mentioned shared struggle, as Cas and Dean have always had a deeply rooted fear of happiness, and we can all see the obstacles they’ve had to overcome to get to a place where they can share a healthy relationship.

They have had to build that healthy relationship with themselves first, and the reward at the end: happiness and love. *fingers so damn crossed though*

It really would be beyond amazing if we have it textualised, however subtle it may be, by the end of the series, that they are each other’s happiness, and that, without the other, there’s not much happiness to be had. There’s moving on and there’s not giving up and there’s finding purpose outside this one relationship, of course, but a long and happy life?

Not so much.

To me, this is a fact that has been covertly explored throughout the entirety of their joint arc, because whenever one of them disappears out of the other’s orbit, their progression pretty much crashes to an absolute halt, or even undergoes serious regression. I talked about that in that other long-ass meta I mentioned, so if you’re hungry for more…

I digress.

My final point, really, is that getting to witness Dean letting Cas go, supporting him returning to Heaven, and Cas rightly feeling compelled to fullfil his duty, because it will lead to him being granted the choice of who he truly wants to be, would be mind-blowing. And if it all leads to an underlining of how Dean is taking the narrative lesson of easing up on his need for control, learning to let go and trusting that it will be alright in the end, which then leads to the love of his life returning to him, and Dean, finally, understanding that this is what Cas always does - he may up and leave, but he also always returns.

Only, this time Cas is staying…

I mean. Right? Anything like this. Anything even in the vicinity of this. Oh my God. I’ll be dancing.

I’m intrigued by the fact that Cas is subtly set up as a blindspot for Chuck the Writer, who’s first draft when at Becky’s house doesn’t even mention Cas. I have a feeling Cas will be a pivotal ingredient in them winning this stand-off, as he’s proven himself to be already, throughout S15.

And I’m intrigued by the phrase that has occurred at least twice in our narrative since end of S14: I had to die to get what I want.

Could Cas almost cutting out his “life force” and bringing himself to the brink of “death” (angelic, as it were) be foreshadowing for how his angelic side has to die in order for him to get what he wants?

I guess we shall simply have to wait and see, eh?

End of the day, it’s a question of legacy. And I’m just very curious to see what sort of legacy the writers room are gearing up to leave us with. I have every faith - all the faith - that no matter what we get, it’s going to be

s p e c t a c u l a r.

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arcadialedger · 3 years

Text

How Catra and Zuko have been saving me lately: A (sort of) meta

A very long, personal post under the cut. This is really important to me, and I could really use some support, so if you could take the time to read and reblog that would be greatly appreciated. I just want to reach out.

Once again, please PLEASE read. I really need help.

Recently, I’ve found myself desperately latching onto the characters of Zuko and Catra, as many have in the past. To put it simply, I’m in one of the most difficult times of my life right now.

I’m transferring colleges because I was doxed by an online hate mob (long story) , and in general because I just didn’t belong at my old school. I went to three different high schools, moved around a whole bunch, and I don’t really belong anywhere. All of my friends are far away, my parents are busy working and I’m alone.

I just feel like I’m wandering aimlessly in darkness, unloved and unsure where to go. I’m faced with making a huge decision about my future with this transfer, and I’m terrified. Terrified I won’t make the right choice, and terrified it won’t be the newfound happiness I so desperately need it to be. But most of all, I’m terrified of being unwanted and alone again, wherever I go.

I’m used to not being wanted. I’m 4’10, not thin, and have been tossed aside because of my appearance my entire life. I’m 20 years old and haven’t been kissed (how pathetic is that). I moved schools and stayed in my room depressed because I never got to lay down roots and establish a foundation. Hell, I never even got to live as a teenager. I’m just behind and broken.

I was hoping Tumblr would be my place, where I could write and analyze and showcase my talents. Be wanted for once. For a while, it looked like it might be. Then a friend blocked me and made a callout post, due to me having a different opinion on a sensitive matter, and a domino effect began. I lost more friends and half of the fandom we’re both in blocked me seemingly at their word. I had featured this friend on an episode of my podcast at, had many fond memories chatting with them, and even bought a zine to support them. The loss hurt, and I was cut off from one of the few things I had. It was all taken away from me. My growth halted as I dealt with months of online abuse: including death threats, suicide baiting (these people knowing I’ve struggled with being suicidal), aphobic slurs (knowing I’m ace), mocking and editing images of my face. My Twitter was hacked, I lost podcast deals with creatives who my friends who blocked me and started all of this went on to interview because of said hacking, and I was threatened to be doxed. I suffered blow after blow while the people who hurt me grew and were rewarded, allowed a place here, and this continues to this day. The damage remains. I have to self reblog a whole bunch to get my content remotely seen in the algorithm.

Because my entire life, it feels I’ve never been allowed a win. I’ve never been allowed to have and keep anything good. I’m short and ugly, talentless with nothing to give to the world, my family has no money so I haven’t gotten to travel or experience a lot of things. I’ve spent my entire life envious of the “hot skinny girls” who’ve been wanted and dating since high school, who live in McMansions and get to go on vacations.

When I work to make good content on Tumblr and build a following talking about what I’m passionate about? It’s taken from me. When I work hard to get into my old college’s honors program and earn a trip to Greece which I could otherwise never afford, a global pandemic comes along and makes sure I don’t get that kind of positive experience in life.

I’m used to it all, being worn down and unwanted and losing. I’ve gone my entire life behind, lesser, and not enough.

And that’s why I’m so scared. I have a big decision to make, I’m at my own crossroads, and I desperately need all of this to come together for me this year. I’ve gone so long without happiness and love. I need this to be the light at the end of the tunnel, newfound happiness. I need to find newfound happiness. All I want is to escape the darkness, find peace of mind and function day to day doing the things I love without being stressed.

So when I see Zuko— so angry at the world for being given the short stick, abused, and never making things easy, and Catra— driven mad by comparison and feeling as though the world takes away everything from her? Gosh, I feel it so hard.

Because that’s just what I do. I get angry at the world for making things so hard for me. I compare. I feel like the world just takes and takes and never gives me a win. And so I’m never happy. I feel their pain and loneliness so deeply, and I’m terrified that I’m the villain because of it. I cry at the anguish and self loathing in their eyes because I have been there. I AM there.

Like Zuko comparing to Azula, I feel lesser because the world has constantly told me I am so. I feel cheated and given the short end of the stick, as though life has it out for me. I get angry and lash out from my pain.I’m desperate for validation from people who can never give it to me. I’m so scarred from my past, I can’t believe I have a future.

Like Catra, I’m always left behind. I’m lonely and driven mad by the unfairness of the world. It takes and takes until I’ve lost it all, but it never gives. I’m so afraid of losing anyone and anything else, I refuse to let anyone in. Because why would I deserve love? There’s nobody who wants me, no purpose for me on this world. I’m nothing, just constantly chasing an impossible goal of perfection to justify my existence.

“You drive them away, wildcat”

Yeah, I know their hurt. I know what it all feels like. To be that broken, that insecure, that left behind and unwanted. The punching bag of fate. These characters suffering is so much of my own.

And that’s why they’re the only thing to give me hope.

Seeing them be where I am now, and where they end up, I allow myself to believe that maybe, just maybe, that can be my future. That I’ll get a happy ending. It gives me the courage to believe that what I’m so desperately striving for can happen.

Zuko standing up to his father and forging his own path in life, which leads him to a better place as he finds his destiny and happiness after so many years of torment. We both have scars-- if he can overcome his, why can’t I?

Catra, after so many years of struggle, taking agency over her life back from those to abused her, and finally learning to accept the love of those around her. Opening up to pain and rejection and ultimately being forgiven. Catra felt so lonely, unable to see the love around her-- maybe I’ve been doing the same thing. Maybe I’ll find the strength to take my life into my own hands and find my own love.

It’s so empowering, a flicker of light in what feels like eternal darkness. I am so worn out and broken. I’ve never had love, or learned to love myself. In the real world, it is find to find hope.

It is only in these characters, who have felt my pain and found their way to a better place, that I find comfort.

I am one of so many who have been touched by these characters arcs, and they are one of the purest examples of why stories are important. Why the emotions narrative can evoke are important. It is not only escapism, it opens up a door to critical self introspection that can make a real difference in our lives. It holds up a black mirror of our lives, providing an outside view of our deepest, darkest emotions and struggles which can be so hard to understand when they’re inside.

These characters, and their stories: insecurity, abuse, doubt, comparison, chasing validation, just wanting to find your purpose in life and happiness-- they are the stories of life, stripped down to it’s rawest emotions.

There is power in redemption. There is power in rising from the bottom.

As I said in my last post about Catra and Zuko:

“Their stories: being angry at the world, driven mad by comparison and a need for validation, making wrong choices, processing trauma, needing help but being too scared to open up and accept it, feeling as though they don’t deserve love or forgiveness, fighting to restore and maintain valued relationships, convincing themselves they’ve lost it all, feeling conflicted or confused, realizing what they thought they wanted isn’t fulfilling and hasn’t brought happiness, escaping years of mental conditioning which told them they were worthless, not seeing the love they have right before them, constantly fighting uphill for a life which seems to throw everything it can at them… Well, isn’t that just the most human story of all? And so their redemptions give us hope.”

I have been so lost and lonely for so long, and now I’m at a crossroads. I’m so scared to believe that this change, this new path, can lead to a better place, but these characters? They give me strength to. They give me faith.

This has been a rambling post of feelings, and I am thankful to anyone who has read this far. I’m just so tired of feeling this way, and needed to reach out and share this. If you are also feeling this way, know you are not alone. You are so very far from alone.

I just really don’t want to feel unwanted and unloved, like I don’t belong, anymore. I want to have a place here. I probably sound desperate because I feel that way. I don’t know how else to cry out for help other than sharing this.

If anyone wants to message or send asks about this, please feel free to do so. I want, and very much need, to talk.

#personal #personal post #zuko #long post #catra #meta #avatar: the last airbender #avatar #she ra and the princesses of power #she ra #a:tla #atla #spop #mental health

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psycheswritings · 4 years

Note

Hi! I was looking at the kiss prompt list and what about a Moving Around While Kissing, Stumbling Over Things, Pushing Each Other Back Against The Wall with forbidden kiss where Tommy and OC get caught by the Shelby brothers? 🥰 I love your writing!

Title: Caught

Fandom: Peaky Blinders

Pairing: Thomas Shelby x Reader

Warnings: Swearing, there is a little threat in there somewhere, kissing, age gap, maybe some bad writing. I think that covers it all.

Word Count: 939 (apparently I got a little carried away)

Author’s Note: Here we are, back with another completed request. I am very glad that you like my writing, darling, that means a lot. Hope this one is of your liking. I made it into a reader insert, hope you don’t mind. Thanks for requesting. Happy reading!

Request are still open (for Peaky Blinders and Supernatural but if you want something from another fandom let me know, I might try it, who knows)

(Y/N) = Your Name | (Y/N/N) = Your Nickname | (Y/E/C) = Your Eye Color

Prompts from this list:

41. Forbidden kiss

58. Moving Around While Kissing, Stumbling Over Things, Pushing Each Other Back Against The Wall/Onto The Bed

A part of him knew that he should feel guilty, he really should, but there was no denying her when her lips were moving against his like she needed him more than air itself. They were walking blindly backwards, stumbling over furniture, trying to make as little noise as possible so they wouldn’t get caught, yet in the heat of the moment neither of them seemed to care that much.

Tommy felt his back hit the wall and (Y/N) seemed content with the arrangement because she pressed herself into his body making him lose any willpower of backing away from her. She moved her lips from his to leave a trail of kisses from his sharp jaw to his neck and the gangster couldn’t stop himself from let his head fall back, leaning in the wall, as he got lost onto the feeling.

“You’re a little temptress.” He felt her smiling against his skin and was quick to invert their positions, fingers digging into the flesh of her waist as he looked at the (Y/E/C) of her eyes.

“And you love it.” She smirked at him before pulling him by the lapels of his jacket to another kiss, which he more than happily reciprocated. Tommy hadn’t felt this way in a long time - this brazen desire that made it seem like he was a young man again, running and hiding from his own family with a girl far younger than him, the girl that his cousin called best friend.

“So this is what you’re doing when you disappear from us.” They must have been too lost in each other to not have noticed his brothers entering the room.

“Or better, who he is doing.” John corrected his older brother. The couple parted ways, looking at each other for a moment, the question obvious into Tommy’s eyes, to which (Y/N) just nodded. Then he turned to look at his brothers, the young woman’s hand in his.

“And you two couldn’t keep yourselves from going after us like two old gossips.”

“Ah, fuck off. You’re the one who is sneaking out with our cousin’s best friend.” The younger Shelby scoffed, making (Y/N) roll her eyes. “By the way, does Michael know you’re fucking one of his cousins, (Y/N/N)?”

“Just so you know, Michael is not my keeper and as far as I know I can fuck whoever I want.” He clearly wasn’t expecting her blunt answer and that earned him a fit of laughter from Arthur.

“Fucking hell, always knew that this one got a temper!” Tommy recognized a hint of pride on his older brother’s face.

“Where did you learn to talk like that?”

“Same place you learned how to stick your nose into things that are none of your business.” Tommy didn’t hide his smirk this time when John became as red as a tomato and Arthur laughed out loud again. “And if you even think about telling him I will personally cut your balls off, Shelby. Now, get out you two. You already got what you wanted here, fuck off.” The two men left, Arthur mocking his younger brother on the way but the couple wasn’t listen to them anymore.

“You have a mouth like a sailor, don’t you?” Tommy pulled her to him, holding her close by the waist.

“Watch your words, Mr. Shelby, or you won’t be kissing this mouth again.” She was smirking at him, one eyebrow raised, hands resting on his chest so he leaned in to her, brushing their noses.

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“Wouldn’t I?” She challenged putting some distance between their faces and it was his time to raise and eyebrow at her - damn, she was good at this games.

“I don’t want to take my chances on that.” He quickly pulled her into another kiss, she smiled into the kiss, melting into him. When he pulled back, Tommy rested his forehead against hers. “Well, I guess the cat is out of the bag now. Despite your very proficient threat, I doubt that John will keep his mouth shut for long. We might have to start thinking about a way to tell the others. Specially Michael.”

“He already knows.” (Y/N) said casually, making him retreat from her a little.

“He what?” She laughed, giving him a brief peck on the lips.

“Michael knows, has for some time.” Michael knew about them. That was something he certainly wasn’t expecting but she didn’t looked all that preoccupied by it.

“And?” There was a hint of insecurity in his question - Thomas had never been a man that let other people’s opinion bother him, not when he had grew up hearing people calling him and his family all kinds of things because of their heritage. However, when (Y/N) appeared into their lives - young, fierce and beautiful - and Michael recognized his long lost best friend from the times when he was still called Henry, Tommy had to hold himself back. She was younger than him, full of life and dreams and he didn’t wanted to ruin that for her. Little did he know that she had plans of her own for him.

“And he knows he is not my keeper, Thomas.” There was no mistaking the warning in her words. “We are friends, he trusts me to make my own choices as much as I trust him.”

“Good. Good.” He murmured, looking her in the eyes before talking again. “Because I don’t intend to give up on you.” Tommy sealed their lips again, taking his time to savour the moment. No, he certainly wasn’t giving up on her.

#peaky blinders #peaky blinders imagine #peaky blinders fanfic #thomas shelby #thomas shelby imagine #thomas shelby fanfic #thomas shelby x reader #tommy shelby #tommy shelby imagine #tommy shelby fanfic #tommy shelby x reader #reader insert #my writings #psycheswritings #anon request #kiss prompt list #answered asks #answered requests

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tanzaniiite · 4 years

Text

valid // kirishima x reader

prompt: "Why are you crying?” “…I wish I knew”

requests: OPEN

warnings: some good ole angst (my favorite) with a dash of fluff

word count: 2,412

a/n: can’t believe this is my first time writing for BNHA and i’ve been in the fandom for like forever. anyways i want to write more so requests are open.

I don’t have any rules or anything like that yet but i’ll probably develop some as time goes on.

___

Today was one of your extremely rare days off and although you wanted to sleep the day away… you couldn’t. Even though you had made it into the hero course, you felt so out of place with everyone. Their quirks were just amazing, how could someone as average as you top that? Your quirk was simple, telekinesis. You could pick up shit with your mind and that’s it. If you overexert your quirk, you got headaches and sometimes migraines, not a fun time. Ever since your quirk first manifested, you always felt confident with it but now you weren’t so sure. But there was no use sulking over it, you just had to work twice as hard to catch up with everyone else.

You walked into the dorms after having a somewhat lengthly gym session, originally you planned on staying for about a half and hour. But that 30 minutes slowly turned into 2 hours without you noticing. Now you were sore, sweaty and tired. You wanted nothing more than to just flop on your bed and sleep for the rest of the day but once again, you couldn’t. You promised Kirishima that you would help him with the most recent math chapter. Turns out Bakugou whacking him over the head wasn’t the best teaching method, huh, who would’ve knew? You walked past your friends in the common room, waving slightly. “Wow Y/n, you went to the gym on an off day? Man I wish I had your determination” Uraraka commented, noticing your work out clothes. Your other friends nodded and hummed in agreement. You smiled sheepishly and scratched the back of your head, “It’s honestly nothing, just a simple workout. I’m trying to improve on my upper body strength” You explained, your cheeks flushed slightly from the sudden attention drawn to you. Iida looked to you and started chopping the air, “I admire your will to work on your weaknesses, especially on your day off. Well done, Y/n! We all should follow Y/n’s example and dedication to become the best versions of ourselves-“ He stated, slipping into one of his ramblings causing everyone in the common room to groan.

You giggled slightly and walked into the kitchen, Bakugou was there sitting on a stool scrolling through his phone aimlessly. “Hey Bakugou” You greeted, making your way to the fridge and opening it. He grunted in response, not looking up from his phone. You drunk from you water bottle in silence as you pondered on where Kirishima might be. You noticed he wasn’t in the common room with his usual friend group and he wasn’t with Bakugou, which was weird because he didn’t seem like the type to keep to himself. ‘Gee, I hope he’s not sick or anything’ You thought, as you finished your water. “Um, Bakugou? By any chance, have you seen Kiri?” You asked, trying your best to not provoke the hothead. Bakugou rolled his eyes, “How the fuck would I know where Shitty Hair is?” He scoffed, finally looking up at you. You shifted under his obvious glare, “Okay, a simple yes or no would’ve sufficed” You replied, walking out the kitchen ignoring the ash blonde’s threats as you made your way to the showers.

After your shower, you changed into more comfortable clothing before making you way to Kirishima’s room. You had all your books and materials you needed, prepared to teach Kiri some math. You had even went as far as to bring your whiteboard, in hopes to help him understand the material a little better. You rapped your fist on his door, standing back waiting for him to open it. After a minute, you knocked again. No response, huh that’s weird. You pressed you ear against the door trying to hear any movement. Turns out the door is too thick for you to actually hear anything. You hated to just walk in without permission but you knew he was in there. Kaminari told you he had saw him walk in there a few minutes ago. After mentally battling with yourself for a minute or two, you finally decided to open the door.

You smiled as you saw Kirishima sitting at his desk, looking at his textbook. Your smiled faltered as you noticed how much distress he seemed to be in. Upon further inspection, he was clutching at his hair and trembling slightly. You put your stuff down on the floor and slowly walked towards him. He didn’t even notice you were in the room yet, you touched his shoulder gently. “Kirish-“ You started, eyes widening as he jumped from your touch. His head snapped up towards you before turning away and wiping his face, mumbling something along the lines of “I’m sorry”. Even though you only caught a glimpse of his face, it was still heart wrenching. His face was flushed, tears in his eyes and the most heartbreaking expression on his face. It was so different from what you normally saw from him, he looked a totally different person.

Kirishima sniffed and finally turned back to you, his eyes dry and a smile adorning his face. It was like he wasn’t crying and trembling a minute ago. But because you knew that smile on his face was forced as hell, the frown on yours didn’t disperse. “So, what can I do for you Y/n?” Kirishsima asked, bringing you back from your thoughts. His voice was back to it’s normal bubbly self but you could hear the tremble in his words. It was obvious that he wanted to forget the scene that just happened but you didn’t. “We have a study session, I’m helping you with the recent chapter. Remember?” You say, gesturing to your books that you placed on the floor by the door. Kirishima looked at your books and nodded, “Yeah, I totally forgot. We can get started if you’d like” He stated, getting up to get his notebook and other stuff.

You couldn’t focus on what the hell you were trying to teach the redhead. You kept stumbling on your words or losing your train of thought. Your mind kept wandering back to earlier, you were conflicted. You wanted to ask Kirishima about what happened earlier but you also wanted to respect his wishes and forget about it. But on one hand, it wasn’t healthy for him to keep his feelings bottled up but on the other hand, was it any of your business? Kirishima was your friend and you want to help him, but does he even want your help? He probably had someone to talk about this stuff, so what use would you be? You sighed loudly, gaining the attention of your friend. As he looked at you, he noticed your furrowed eyebrows. He guessed you were trying to figure out how to explain to him the next part of the chapter but expelled that thought when he saw that you were just staring at the front cover of the textbook.

“Hey Y/n?” He asked, watching you cautiously. You hummed in response, still staring at nothing. “Are you alright?” The redhead pressed, putting his pencil down. You looked up at him and nodded slightly, “Yeah, um how are those practice problems coming along?” You asked, changing the subject as you ran your fingers through your hair. “I think I’m doing pretty good, I would’ve never pegged you to be a math kind of girl but I actually understand what’s going on? It’s crazy” He laughed, as he gestured to the problems written in his notebook. You stared in awe, you honestly had no idea how Kirishima could be so composed and back to his usual self when less than hour ago he was just crying. Was he always like this and you just hadn’t noticed? Did he always hide his true feelings? Wow, what a shitty friend you’ve been, to not even get the suspicion that something was wrong. “Seriously Y/n, what’s wrong? You’re worrying me” Kiri stated, looking at you with concerned eyes.

You let out a dry laugh, “You’re worried about me? I’m worried about you Kiri. I know you want to forget what happened when I first walked in, but I’m sorry I don’t feel like a good friend just letting something like that go unnoticed” You replied, looking at the redhead. Kirishima looked taken aback before sighing. “I should’ve known you wouldn’t have let that go” He muttered, looking up at the ceiling. “Kiri you don’t have to tell me anything, but I need you to know that I’m here for you. Whether you just want my opinion on something or if you just want me to listen” You explained, taking his hands into yours. The redhead, looked at your hands that were now holding his. Your hands were so small compared to his, and much softer might he add. His lips trembled slightly before he covered his mouth with his hand in an attempt to muffle the whimper that left his lips. You squeezed his other hand sympathetically, your thumb brushing over his knuckles gently.

Kirishima tried to choke back a sob but failed, after that the tears just kept coming. You moved closer to him and hugged him tightly, he hugged you back just as tight, his face buried in the crook of your neck as he cried. As you comforted him slightly, you couldn’t help but feel guilty. How long has he been holding his feelings in like this? After what seemed like a good 20 minutes of Kiri crying, he seemed to calm down. Now his head was leaning on your chest while he stared at nothing in particular, his hands clutching your shirt slightly. The redhead was still visibly upset, and as much as he wanted to stop, the tears were still falling silently from his eyes. You didn’t want to break the silence but you think it would be helpful for Kirishima to talk about his feelings, of course you didn’t want to force him so you tried to coax it out of him.

You rubbed his shoulders gently, prompting him to sit up on his own. You felt his body heat leave with him and you shivered slightly. Kirishima had his head down, tears still welling in his eyes as he sniffed occasionally. “Hey.. Kiri? You don’t have to answer this but… why are you crying?” You asked gently, passing him a tissue so he could blow his nose. He took the tissue, mumbling a small “thanks” before blowing his nose and grimacing at the noise. You didn’t ask the question again, knowing that he heard you the first time. Instead you sat next to him patiently, waiting for him to answer. “Honestly… I wish I knew” He stated, smiling weakly wiping his eyes again. You blinked in confusion, surely he had to know why he was upset, that just didn’t make sense. Kirishima noticed your confused expression before he explained. “I mean, obviously, I know why but- it’s just so stupid. I shouldn’t be being such a baby about it-“ He said, laughing dryly and rubbing the back of his neck.

“Stop. Stop belittling your feelings, whatever you’re feeling.. it’s valid Kiri” You declared, grabbing his hands once again, and looking into his ruby colored eyes. “… Y/n please. You’re gonna make me cry again” He said, looking away from you. You chuckled slightly, now holding his warm tear-stained cheek in your hand.

“It’s okay to cry Kiri”

“You sound like my mom”

“Is that good?”

“Yeah, she’s the smartest person I know”

You felt you heart swell, this boy was just too precious. You wanted to crush whatever dark thoughts that were clouding his mind. The redhead sighed, before looking back at you, “I’m honestly not sure what triggered this. I guess it really started when I woke up. You know when you have those days when you just feel like shit? Like you’re doing something wrong or that you’re just not good enough?” He asked rhetorically. You nodded slightly, listening intently. “Well today was one of those days. They happen more often than I’d like to admit but it is what is. I spent most of the day in my room only leaving for a snack or the bathroom. Then I remembered about our study session so I figured I would try to get a head start and at least try to understand the material. And… that’s when it really started. I was stuck on a stupid problem and I was so frustrated. I just couldn’t take it and I started bawling like a baby” He finished, looking at you for any sign of boredom or disgust but he was only met with look of sympathy.

“Oh Kiri..”

“I know, it’s dumb”

“Dude, what did I just say?”

You narrowed your eyes at the redhead before holding his face in your hands. “Stop. Belittling. Your. Feelings.” You said, breaking it down. It literally broke your heart that he thought his feelings were dumb and not valid. Kirishima looked at you with sad eyes, “And I guess the real reason I started crying was because.. who wants a dumb hero? When you or Bakugou explain this work to me, you guys make it sound so simple and I can’t help but think.. is there something wrong with me? A-And who wants a hero that can’t do basic math? Or a hero that has low marks? What if I-“ He rambled. You interrupted him with your lips crashing into his. The redhead’s eye widen slightly before he melted into the kiss and pulled you closer to him. Your hands went to his neck, and his hands snaked around your waist. When you finally pulled away for air, you giggled at Kirishima’s pout. He smiled slightly at you, “Can you do that every time I start to spiral?” The redhead asked, leaning his forehead on yours. “Sure, but you don’t need to spiral for me to kiss you” You replied, smiling. Kirishima tilted your face until you guys were centimeters apart, before kissing your soft lips once more.

Bonus!

“Ugh, there’s dry snot on your shirt. That’s so gross, sorry”

“It’s okay, I don’t care about snot. I’ll just change”

“Take one of my shirts!”

“Oh no, that’s okay”

“Please I insist”

“Alright, I’ll wear you shirt. And Kiri?”

“Hm?”

“Please talk to me whenever you’re feeling down, ‘kay?”

…

“I will”

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stabletwooriginals · 3 years

Text

CHAPTER TWO: Equestrian Wasteland

Panic attack! A surprising, yet well described reaction LittlePip has to the vastness of the great outdoors. The little ghost story about the outside just being a black void also comes back one final time.

The prospect of finding Velvet shrinking dramatically phases LittlePip surprisingly little. Instead she just kinda starts looking for her by seeking a high vantage point. This pro-active attitude and little time spent on feeling sorry for herself is endearing, as well. I think this is gonna change at certain points, considering all the stuff that is going to happen to her. But maybe I'm confusing my memories with Project Horizons, in which the main character spends quite some time feeling sorry for herself. (And considering what happens to her, I don't really blame her.)

I love the light emitted by a terminal described as "the soft green glow of a poisoned apple". Horse gonna think of apples.

LittlePip remarks on the sturdiness of the StableTec terminals, looking new while everything around it decayed in some form. I think this actually has a (horrifying) explanation in lore. But we won't get to it for a while.

On it, we get a message from Velvet asking, or rather pleading the reader not to look for her. LittlePip's enthusiasm is curbed by it, but not her plan. While she is considering her options she gets distracted by a light in the distance. So, uh, the issue that Velvet doesn’t want to return just gets shoved to the back row until it has to be confronted again at a later date. Seeing as finding Velvet is the bigger issue anyway, that's not very hard to accept for now, at least.

Oh and there is a encrypted message on there too. We don't learn anything useful about it and LittlePip downloads it for the heck of it. In my opinion, a weird place to stick this beat, as it draws attention only to get pushed aside immediately again and the payoff it has at the end of the chapter brings a minor revelation at best. This information could have been given later as well.

Now I was forced to admit how foalish that vision was.

Reading FoE made me realize they say "foalish" in the original show too. At least in season 1, which is all that existed during the time FoE was being written. Isn't that wild? Discord gets a mention very late into the story, otherwise all the world building is propped up on lore that existed *before* the fandom really reached it's peak!

And LittlePip runs straight into a slaver trap. I appreciate the effort to have her not recognize the shotgun and how the details of the situation slowly unravel until the dreaded clarification "They're slavers, you idiot". Makes it relatable that she fell for their trap.

Thinking about the slavers LittlePip mentions her "repertoire of colorful metaphors". Interesting to tell us about it instead of letting us see for ourselves later. Because, well, she undoubtedly does have quite the repertoire of colorful metaphors.

I absolutely love that the description of the music the Spritebots makes captures the song Pinkie Pie uses in the episode "Swarm of the Century" to remove the Parasprites perfectly. Even the first time reading I had that song in my head at this point.

LittlePip being a swift learner is yet another endearing trait on display when she sees one of the slavers fire his shotgun at the Spritebot and notices how the weapon works. Let's hope there is some kind of fight soon where she gets to implement this newfound knowledge!

I wonder why the raiders decided to attack the slavers. The slavers clearly didn't anticipate this and I doubt LittlePip or Montgomery Jack (the other slave) are such evidently high-tier cargo worth stealing. But hey, I got my wish for a fight and establishing LittlePip's talent with a bobby pin and screwdriver to unlock her shackles is already paying off too.

This kinda leads into a larger question of what raiders are and what they want, but I'll save that for later. Once we met a lot more of them.

Well, seeing how the raiders are beating them up, that probably wasn't why they started the fight either. Also, like with the slavers before, they throw in a threat of sexual violence against LittlePip that feels kinda cheap to me. Like, yo, enslaving her and/or threatening to kill her apparently isn't enough to paint them as bad guys? I understand that this is mainly a taste thing, as some people don't mind a story that is painted this dark this casually. I just feel like the story would not lose it's tone without them, while being more upsetting than it needs to be with them. At least here, in Chapter Two.

LittlePip’s first fight is awesome. It's scary, it's fast and has a few surprises. The biggest one probably being that the question of killing others hasn't come up yet. If we are familiar with Fallout (at least 3 and onward) this shouldn't be a hard question to answer, but LittlePip tries to avoid it here.

Montgomery, like a more experienced Fallout player however, finishes the raider off and starts to loot them. Showing LittlePip the ropes of the game. How nice of him. Then he robs her. That's not how I play Fallout, but the games pride themselves with their choice of options, I guess.

That he instructs LittlePip to check the bodies, she therefore has to puke into the river because of it and sees Montgomery's shotgun reflected in the water behind her head is just great dramatic storytelling. I can just see the movie version of this in my minds eye.

However, LittlePip actually manages to get out of this with a little luck in finding the raiders shotgun next to her (which is a combat shotgun, unlike the regular one the slaver had and Montgomery is holding now) and by packing everything she learned about the two weapons into a convincing argument. Making her win the fight before it started, which is just genuinely bad-ass.

Finally LittlePip makes it into Ponyville -- pursued by a sniper. Can't catch a break!

No, she or he could just wait until I came out.

Something that might not be very noticeable yet is how FoE has kind of a inverted societal structure when it comes to gender. MLP had this too, to a degree, as it was targeting young girls. Here, we can see it transform the order pronouns are used in a common phrase. It might read as a typo or error but we will see that female characters tend to enjoy higher privileges and hold the highest positions of power. Of course that would affect their language as much as other phrases are transformed due to them being horses. See: "What the hay?"

A pile of torn-up cloth rotted in a corner, smelling foul, like ponies had urinated on it repeatedly.

Nooo, Rarity's work and art :(

Finally, we get to read the encrypted message from earlier. It's Applebloom’s final words to Sweetie Belle, letting us realize that at least some of the Apple Family has been in Stable Two when it closed and it's first Overmare was Sweetie Belle, Rarity's younger sister. That’s cool to know, but doesn’t affect much of our understanding of anything yet.

Level Up! New Perk: Horse Sense. As we saw, LittlePip is a swift learner. I usually feel like whatever LittlePip learned in the chapter influences the perk she receives at the end. But shouldn't a perk only affect her after she got it? The allusions to RPG mechanics kinda fall apart a little bit when you think too hard about them.

Since they are a "Footnote" I'll just imagine that LittlePip leveled up and received the perk sometime *during* the chapter. Ah, now the world is right again.

#fallout equestria #my little pony #fan fiction #reading #reread #littlepip #ponyville

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autumn-foxfire · 4 years

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"(I just hope Hori realises he doesn’t have to throw away the old one, especially when he’s gone through so much trouble to show that people can change.)" YES THAT RIGHT THERE!!! and don't worry, a lot of people don't like the OFA/AFO plotline, but I've been really starting to question what it is now. Because everyone uses it to refer to the battle between good vs evil and I'm like? Okay, but what about the mechanics of the quirk, what about knowing more about the vestiges? (1/5)

The history between the two brothers, more worldbuilding on their era, the first ofa holders name? Am I just thinking wrong, does the fandom use that plotline only for Deku fighting Shigaraki and gaining more percentage? To me, OFA/AFO plotline also includes whatever schemes AFO is up to, everything surrounding him and his criminal empire, the doctor and his Nomu, the technology and quirk singularity, AFO thought it was a real problem because he had multiple quirks, and so does OFA? (2/5)

Is AFO technically a holder of the quirk since he held the stockpile quirk he gave to his brother. Did that stockpile quirk take something from his own power and pass it on too? I have questions on how the battles with the vestiges went down. You can't trust the guy? He's just sitting there in Tartarus, but plotting something. He's shown up in Shigaraki's dream, what's going on??? In Deku's too? (3/5)

And OFA! Katsuki was nice enough to tell us that it's like AFO's power, just how connected are these two quirks. Why did AFO want it, what does Ujiko mean when he says OFA didn't behave how AFO saw fit??? Now Endeavor the last guy anyone would want to know about OFA might be told about it, how would Shoto react if he found out. Aizawa? Some people think Endeavor's gonna take a bullet for Deku to protect OFA, after his 'secure a future for them' realization. (4/5)

What happens when people start noticing Deku has a lot of quirks that can't be passed off as his 'original.' What if he lands on the Commission's radar, for being like the Nomu or AFO. (If not him, then Eri.) If the dad for one theory is true then what. What happens when the quirk is complete, will it disappear will both OFA/AFO still be there by the end of the series? This plotline just seems to be going places. And All Might! If he dies will Deku meet him again within One for all? (5/5)

First off, I don’t mind people writing paragraphs in my ask box because they’re interesting! And you’ve brought up some good points!!

I guess the fact that people aren’t sure if AfO’s history is going to play a part in the AfO/OfA battle is an issue with the plotline itself.

I am curious about the legacy of AfO and the effect of his presence in society before the rise of All Might and what impact he had on the creation of the current era considering that All Might and the other users of OfA kept his presence a secret from everyone. (Which is a big issue in my opinion and I hope people do end up getting upset that such a major threat against the world was hidden from them for ‘their safety’.)

I think the fandom uses it to refer to the Deku vs Shigaraki fight because that’s all we’ve been seeing recently. The last time we’ve saw the vestiges was when Deku unlocked black whip right? And now we’ve only had snippets of OfA’s voice talking to Deku and maybe AfO talking to Shigaraki?

We barely know anything about AfO except his last name is Shigaraki, he’s a megalomaniac with a brother complex, his quirk is OP (and doesn’t make much sense but that’s an argument for another day), and for some reason he wanted a successor even before his fight with All Might left him injured. We don’t know why he does the things he does but I have a feeling we’re going to find out over the next couple of chapters (or at least get a glimpse into his plan) through the voice Shigaraki keeps hearing.

I’m curious about how linked AfO and OfA are too. Did AfO accidently transfer some of his own quirk’s power when he gave his brother the stockpiling quirk? Or was it even accidental? We just don’t know anything for sure (and maybe that’s the point)

I want the OfA reveal to happen soon personally because I think it’s very irresponsible of Deku and All Might to keep it hidden when all of the other heroes are already involved in the battle. Not only are there characters that could help Deku master his quirk (Mirio could teach him how to use the ‘weaker’ ones more effectively and Shouto could help him wield two different quirks at the same time for example), a lot of people have been injured or died over this secret and I think it’s time the truth came out. Especially if someone does end up losing their quirk to protect it.

(God if All Might does end up dying, Deku seeing him one last time with the vestiges would be heartbreaking T-T, imagine if it’s the last time he’s using the power too so it’s the only time he’ll be able to speak to his mentor and hero ever again)

Who knows what Horikoshi is planning in the end?

TECHNICALLY PART 6 IM SORRY THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ONE ASK BOX LONG I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW I WAS JUST RAMBLING YOU DON'T ACTUALLY NEED TO TRY AND RESPOND TO ANY OF IT. I'm just sling-shotting from one place to another, don't worry about it.

Trust me, I didn’t really mind as you can see ;)

#bnha #bnha meta #this is long!!#I'm sorry #I kinda rambled too #Anonymous

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joyofcrime-elinorhigh · 4 years

Text

Hello everybody, my name is JoyofCrimeArt, and legacy can be an fascinating thing in regard to animation. Since cartoons are made with the intent of being seen years or even decades after they're created, it can be interesting to see how the general consensus people have about a series can change over time. One day you can be on top of the world, and your series is loved by critics and audiences alike. But then, something happens. Sometimes it's a specific episode. Other times a season. Maybe it's a controversy within the fandom. But whatever it is, something happens that causes peoples opinions to turn. And suddenly your show has gone from being universally praised to becoming much more divisive. And when something like that happens, it can be hard to recover. It happened to Steven Universe. It happened to Rick and Morty. And it happened to Star vs. the Forces of Evil.

Created by Daron Nefcy, Star vs. The Forces of Evil premiered on the Disney Channel and Disney XD in 2015, and quickly became one of the hot cartoons that everybody was talking about. It makes sense, as it came outright around the time where more continuity based fantasy series were really starting to take off, so it's natural that it became a hit. While the series was generally well regarded upon its debut, as time went on the series became much more of a "love it or hate it" type of show. And while that's not too uncommon for any show that amounts a large flowing, what makes Star vs. so interesting is that it seems like nobody can seemingly agree when the show got bad, if it did at all. Some people say the quality dipped after the first season. Others say the third. Some say the fourth. Others say that the show was good until the finale. And some say that the show was solid throughout. This divide among fans is why I feel confident calling Star vs. The Forces of Evil one of the most divisive shows of the 2010's, even if the debate around it isn't nearly volatile as other series. But now that the series has ran its course I have to ask, does it hold up? Did the show really go down hill, or is the hate undeserved? That's what I'm here to find out.

I feel like I'm in an interesting place to talk about this series because, while I tend to try to keep up with all the big name animated show coming out, I actually didn't watch most of Star as it was running. I watched the first season until my family cut cable right before the finale of season one (You know, around the time people started to care about the show.) And only caught up with the show in the last year or so while doing research for my "Top 30 Cartoons of the Decade" list. So I went into the series mostly blind with the exception of a few spoilers. I just felt like this was important to point out as I feel it may have an effect on my view of the show.

Also, while I usually try to go spoiler free when I do a general overview of a series, for this review I may have to go into some spoiler territory. Since this series features an ever changing status quo, as well as a lot of major characters who aren't introduced until late in the series' run, doing this review completely spoiler free would be difficult. So I'm going to be doing this review under the assumption that anybody reading this has already seen the show, and are just curious to hear my take on it, or don't care about being spoiled. So if you wanna go in blind I suggest you sign out now.

But to everyone else, let's dive in and talk about Star vs. the Forces of Evil.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8hJ5ecrpp8k

Star vs. The Forces of Evil stars (He, get it. I'm funny.) Star Butterfly. A princess from the dimension of Mewni who, upon her fourteenth birthday is given a wand of unbelievable magical power. However, after causing nothing but trouble with her new found powers in her world her parents decide to ship her off to Earth, where she can be somebody else's problem. There she befriends a human boy named Marco Diaz and the series mainly follow these two as they go on all sorts of magical adventures as they battle all sorts of evil monsters and ne'er-do-well who want to take the wand and use its power for themselves. Or at least that's how the series goes at first. As the series goes on it begins to focus more on the world building, as Star and Marco discover that the kingdom of Mewni isn't as great as they first believed, and are forced to battle political corruption, conspiracy within the royal family, and the generation spanning systemic racism against monster kind.

The best place to start when talking about the show are the characters. Lets start with the main leads.

We got Star, your typical fun-loving, ditzy, hyperactive action girl. Which seems to be a common trend in Disney Channel cartoons now that I think about it. But she does enough to stand on her own. She's a fun character, and an overall good lead for the series. I admit that her bratty nature and general stupidity could turn some people off, and there are times where it can get a little annoying, but I never minded it all that much. I think that's kinda suppose to be the point of her character. She's a royal, and spent her whole life with a silver spoon in her mouth. So it makes sense she would be a bit selfish and be unaware of the world around her. And she does improve over the course of the series, as she begins to take her job as a princess more seriously and spends much of the series actively fighting against monster prejudice. Though I'd be lying if some of these less desirable elements of her character don't continue to pop up every now and again, even later in the series and especially in the last couple of episodes. Also she's kinda a sociopath. Like especially early on in the show there are like...a lot of casualties to Star's antics. I'm kinda surprised Disney let them get away with that.

Also, can I just say that I am sick and tired of people asking "When is Disney going to include their first LGBTQ+ princess, completely ignoring the fact that Star is bisexual as fu*k. Like, come on now!

Marco is also a good lead. He's a neurotic, responsible, karate student who often acts as the straight man to Star's antics. However, I like the fact that he's not a total stick in the mud. Sure he's more cautious than Star is but he's still capable of getting in on the adventures as well. He comes across as a realistic teen with his own set of flaws. Namely his insecure nature and general social awkwardness. I also like that due to his expertise with karate he's able to hold his own in a fight even without magic. He always feels like Star's equal and never like a sidekick. He and Star have a great dynamic in general, and the two play off each other well. They contrast with each other and It feels like the two really cover each other's flaws. And it's kinda refreshing seeing two characters who are so different manage to genuinely get along with each other.

But of course, we also have the forces of evil that the shows title so clearly mentioned. Each season focuses on a different villain, and something that I really like is how all four major villains are introduced relatively early on. So the show doesn't suffer from that "Dragon Ball Z" type thing where it's like "Haha! I know you just defeated the villain, but now's there's an even BIGGER villain who we just haven't happened to mention until now!" They've always around in the world, and many of them even start out as joke villains only to become more serious later down the line. And they manage to do that in a way that feels very believable.

The best example of this is the shows first villain, Ludo. Who upon introduction is portrayed as a completely comedic villain who Star could easily take in a fight. But things change when a new more serious villain, Toffee, usurps him as the season one antagonist. Stealing his castle and army in the process. Come season two and Ludo is left alone, having lost everything, and is forced to toughen up in order to get back what he once had. He builds a new army, stronger than his first. He finds a new castle to form his base in, and becomes a genuine threat to our cast. Scrappy underdogs villains who lost everything might be one of my favorite tropes in fiction. Other examples of this trope used effectively would be Peridot in Steven Universe and Jamack in Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeast. However, while those shows use this trope as an opportunity to have these villains go through a redemption arc, Star goes the other way and uses it as an opportunity to make a character become more of a threat. That said, he never loses the comedic charm that made his fun to watch in the first place. Part of me honestly kinda wish that Ludo stayed the main villain of season two, instead of being usurped Toffee yet again. That said, the episode "Princess Quasar Caterpillar and the Magic Bell" does a good job giving his arc a satisfying conclusion.

Speaking of antagonist, let's talk about Tom Lucitor. Star's demon ex-boyfriend. While not a season spanning villain like Ludo or Toffee, he has several appearances early on as a recurring antagonist only to go down the more traditional "redemption arc" route later on. And I just want to say upfront, Tom is one of my favorite characters. Not in the show, but in fiction in general. It would of been so easy to make Tom your generic "toxic boyfriend" arch-type but even early on it's made clear that even though he's an antagonist, he isn't pure evil. His love for Star is genuine, but the problem is that he hasn't earned it. He tries to improve himself and become a better person but his own anger issues and jealousy keeps getting in the way. Specifically jealousy of Marco because he seems him as a romantic threat. But as time goes on, he does become better. He learns that he and Marco have a lot in common and eventually accepts that he can't make Star love him, and lets her have her space. And that, ironically, causes Star to becoming willing to open up to him again. They become friends and eventually get back together. But what I like is that while he has gone through efforts to improve and work through his problems, they still persist throughout the series. He's still very insecure and is looking for constant approval from Star. He still is jealous of how close Star and Marco are even though he has become friends with both of them. And it's shown several time that Tom tends to put his own problems above the problems of others. It shows that even though he wants to change and is willing to change, that doesn't mean that change come easy. It takes time and can be a long process. These are realistic character flaws that make Tom such a more complex and relatable character in my eyes. I relate a lot to Tom with his desire and constant struggle to improve as a person, and I feel like it's a struggle that's easy for a lot of people to relate to. Also...he's just such an edgy dork. He's...he is good boi.

Another fantastic character is Eclipsa. Introduced about halfway into the series, Eclipsa was a former Queen of Mewni who was imprisoned in crystal due to dabbling in dark magic and for running away from her arranged marriage and marring the King of the Monster, Globgor. The show builds up mentions of Eclipsa early on, with characters talking about how evil and dangerous she was. Eventually she becomes free from her prison (cause lets be real, whenever there's a villain sealed away somewhere you KNOW they're going to get out.) But surprisingly, when we see her she actually doesn't seem that evil. She's polite, kind, and is even willing to go through the proper legal channels to prove that she isn't as bad as people say she is. She is an excellent example of a morally ambiguous character cause for the first several episodes we the audience don't really know if she is actually a good person who's just been judged too harshly by society or if she is actually evil and this is all an act. As even as the show goes on and it becomes clear that Eclipsa is a good person at heart they still manage to keep the audience guessing. Much like Star, Eclipsa can be kinda selfish and impulsive, making her a bit of a loose cannon. Despite the shows title "Star vs. The Forces of Evil" Eclipsa goes to emulate one of the shows major themes. That life isn't that black and white.

The show deals a lot with shades of gray when it comes to its characters, as all characters have there own motives and backstories and relations with each other that can make them either allies or enemies depending on the circumstances. An example of this is the Magical High Commission, a group that monitors magic across all the dimensions. throughout the series it is shown that they stand on the side of Mewni. So in season two when Mewni is being conquered by Ludo and Toffee they're good guys. But just like most most people in Mewni they hate monsters and believe that Eclipsa is evil. Making them antagonist in seasons three and four. Their motives stay the same, but their role in the series changes.

However despite my praise not all the characters are great. In fact the show can be kinda hit or miss with their cast. The characters that are great are really great, but then you get characters like...

(Art by JelloApocolypse)

You know what, I have to be honest. I kinda like Pony Head. I know a lot of people say she's annoying and selfish and contributes next to nothing to the plot...and they're right. But I also just kinda like her. I think what makes her more bearable to me is that she's kinda disliked in-universe. Even Star, who is Pony Head's best friend, often times get sick of her crap. Real talk though, can we all agree that Pony Head is basically just a discount Lumpy Space Princess from Adventure Time? Like, they're nearly the exact same character.

A character who I don't like as much though is Glossaryck, the magical spirit guide that lives in Star's spell book. I never really got his deal. Sometimes it seems like he likes Star and genuinely wants to help her become a better magic user, while other times it doesn't seem like he really cares. He dies in the beginning of season three only to come back a few episodes later acting like a wild animal and yelling "Globgor" over and over again without any explanation as to how or why. Than at the end of season three it's revealed that it was all an act and he was fine the whole time. Like...why? We later learn that is a highly recognized historical figure in Mewni. Why is he yelling his name? And why does nobody question why he's doing this? I can buy that Star and Marco might not know who Globgor is but most everybody else seems to. I keep expecting that moment for his motivations to click. Where it's revealed how everything he's done was all an elaborate ploy to help Star or something, but it never really happens. Though my opinion of him does slightly increase in season four, but that's just because Keith David took over the role of voice actor. And adding Keith David can make anything better.

Some characters can even change in quality between seasons. Janna is this edgy punk girl who joins the main cast in season two as a new friend to Star and Marco. I liked her well enough in season two even if some of her more abrasive elements could be somewhat obnoxious. She's more or less absent for most of season three. Then come season four she returns and I found her more annoying. I don't know if her character got worse or if it was just the fact that her character didn't work as well in later episodes after the show had become more dramatic. But near the end of the season, they give her some long overdue character growth. Not a lot, but some. And I found myself liking her more.

There are other characters in the series as well, and they tend to vary. Star's mom, Moon is a BAMF and I like Buff Frog a lot. Jacki and Kelly are fine characters, though I admit there's not that much to them outside of being love interests for Marco, though they still have there own personalities. King River's kinda annoying but I've seen worse examples of the "dumb dad" trope and Alan Tudyk gives a great performance.

And since I don't have time to go over my thoughts on EVER character in this series, I'll do what ever online review does when they don't have time for nuance. Create a tier list!

If It's not apparent by now, the characters in this show run the gambit. With the best ones being some of my favorite characters of all time, and the worse one's just being generally annoying. However, if there's one thing that this show excels at is not painting things as black and white. No character is evil without a reason and all the heroic characters have un-heroic flaws to their characters with unique motivations that make sense for their characters. (For the most part anyway.)

The shows animation is also really good. Featuring thick outlines and a lot of nice coloring on the characters. (Even if some of the background colors can be a bit drab at times.) Most of the first season is done in flash, but it's good flash, which does well to accentuate the character expressions and the fluid action scenes. Part way through season one though the show's animation changes to more traditional animation. I think there is a bit of a divide on which style people consider to be better, but I personally prefer the look of the later seasons. The bouncy look of the early season one episodes look good, but I don't know how well that would of worked in the more dramatic and somber moments that happen later on.

I also appreciate the world building. The first two seasons are set mostly on Earth in the town of Echo Creek, but the last two seasons changes things up and focus much more on Mewni, allowing us to explore both settings. I know some people don't like the change as it resulted in several of the characters introduced earlier being written out of the show but I never really minded that. I think Mewni and the cast of characters who inhabit it are on the whole more interesting than the people of Echo Creek. (I mean does anybody really miss Sensei Brantley?) Plus the change in setting allows us to get a bit of a role reversal with Marco being the fish out of water, and Star having to show him how her world operates. And even if you do prefer the Earth setting we still cut back to it on occasion. And when you add it all up the total series runtime between the two setting is fairly evenly.

I like how characters can kinda come and go in this series, as it shows that the world doesn't revolve around Star and Marco. And it allows the writers to see which characters people gravitate to and focus on them while keeping less interesting characters out of the way. It also allows for character arcs to actually have conclusions, without the need for them to be drawn out just for the sake of keeping characters around longer.

Let's talk about themes for a moment. Specifically the main theme of prejudice and systemic racism in the show. It's handled...okay. It's kinda standard stuff and it doesn't go super complex on the issue, but for what it is it works though. That being said the show can be a bit confusing in terms of what counts as "monsters" and what are just regular races in this world. Which can make the metaphor a little muddled. I get that the idea is that there is no difference, and that monsters are only deemed as bad as an excuse for mewmans to justify their mistreatment of them, but it can still be confusing as to who's oppressed and who isn't and to what extent. I feel it would be even more confusing for a younger children watching who might not understand all the nuances of this stuff. However, the way the show tackles this isn't bad either. And the fact that the show tackles this element at all is admirable.

But who cares about systemic racism! That's not the real reason people are watching this show! We all know that everybody is really here for the shipping!

Yeah, as the series went on the shipping seems to become a much more major element within the series. So much so that to many the increased focus on the shipping is often cited as one of the main elements that caused the show to go down hill. However I never really minded it. I mean Star vs. has always been a bit of a love letter to the shojo/magical girl genre and romance is a very important element to those types of shows. So it makes sense that it would be used here. And I think it's used pretty well here overall. These are just kids struggling through these types of feelings for the first time, So it makes a lot of the stupid decisions that they make feel a lot more believable. But if this kind of thing isn't your cup of tea, it might end up bothering you. Because they do devote a good amount of time on it.

But you're probably wondering, who do I ship? Am I team Starco or team TomStar? And honestly, while shipping has never been something I've ever gotten too invested in, if I had to pick I would probably have to say team Starco. Which may be surprising as I previously went on and on about how Tom was one of my favorite characters of all time. But this is the way I see it. Tom's whole arc is about learning how to get over his jealousy and controlling nature regarding his relationship with Star. And it's shown that even after he's dating Star, and has everything he thought he wanted, he still couldn't fully get over his hangups. Even though he loves Star and Star loves him, it's clear that the relationship still isn't exactly the most healthy. And it's clear that they are going in different directions in their lives. Tom knows what he wants. To be with Star. But Star doesn't know what she wants. Not all relationships have to end because one person does something wrong or because one of the parties involved is a bad person. Sometimes two people just aren't compatible in that kind of way. And seeing Tom be the one to break up with Star shows just how far he's come as a character. Plus, like I said earlier, Star and Marco have great chemistry. And I do genuinely see them working as a romantic couple, beyond the fact that there the two main leads.

Besides, StarTom is technically incest so....

*record scratch!*

Oh wait, you didn't know about that.? Yeah, according to the official "Star vs. the Forces of Evil Magic Book of Spells" Star's Great Great Great Grandmother Rhina Butterfly was in a relationship with John Roachley, a second cousin to the Lucitor's. Now granted that would mean that Star and Tom aren't THAT related. But still. Incest none the less. Not that it even matters anyway since all of the Mewmans are descended from like five random people!

Seriously, this is some Ishigami Village levels of incest we got going on here.

But despite how heated the flames wars can be, I think we can all agree that Tomco is the best ship anyway. Like come on now.

So yeah, even the shipping elements didn't bother me. To be completely honest, while the show did have some problems here or there, I found myself enjoying the show well into the fourth season. But I knew it was coming. Since I was watching the show months after the series had concluded, I had heard things about the finale. A finale that figuratively "cleaved" the fan base. But in order to talk about the finale we have to go a few episodes back and talk about the episodes leading up to it. Obviously spoilers ahead.

To briefly recap, at this point in the series Eclipsa had become Queen of Mewni along with her husband Globgor after Star relinquished the crown to her. And many of the Mewmans are upset by Eclipsa's new "pro-monster" policies had left to live with the former Queen Moon. Meanwhile Mina Loveberry, a legendary monster fighter from generations far gone, had begun building up an army to invade Eclipsa's castle and take Mewni back from the monsters. A lot of people I hear don't like Mina as a final villain, but honestly I was surprised by how threatening they were able to make her despite how goofy she is. And her backstory about basically being a magically altered super solider driven to the point of insanity really helped to make her sympathetic. (Like I said, in this show everyone is painted with shades of gray. Even genocidal lunatics.) She invades with a Solarian Knight, a giant magic powered mech and it takes all of our heroes working together to barely defeat it. Until it is revealed that it was only one of many. It's an amazing twist that really leaves you wondering "How are or heroes going to get out of this one." Up to this point I was digging this final arc. But that's when I finally got to it.

To me, the moment where Star vs. the Forces of Evil got bad was the moment it was revealed that Moon was working with Mina to reclaim the thrown from Eclipsa.

It just doesn't fit Moons's character to do this. While it is shown throughout the season that Moon does not agree with Eclipsa more extreme policies, It was still shown that while Moon may be against Star's decision to give the crown to Eclipsa, she acknowledges that since Star was queen at the time and was within her right as queen to decide what was best for the kingdom. And in previous episodes she seemed generally happy not having the responsibility that comes with being queen anymore. But now she suddenly wants her kingdom back? If she wanted it back, all she had to do was say so from the start. At the start of the season most Mewmans still hate Eclipsa. It would not be that hard to stage a coup if she really wanted, especially since the magic high commission and all of Mewni would be on her side. Why would she work with Mina, who Moon knows is insane and racist even by Moons standard? Sure Moon and Eclipsa definitely don't see eye to eye on a lot of things but Moon still wouldn't want her dead, and Moon knows that Mina wants to kill her. I know she thought she could control Mina's army but that's still a big risk. It seems uncharacteristically reckless for a character as intelligent as Moon to make these choices.

So then, after it turns out that Moon can't control Mina's army, our heroes are basically screwed and are forced to hide out in a special tavern located at the edge of the universe to wait things out while Mina begins rounding up all the monsters in Mewni. They are all trying to figure out a plan on how to possibly defeat Mina's army when Star suddenly goes on a rant about how magic is bad. And this idea had been brought up a few times in the series, but overall had never really been portrayed as a major aspect. But suddenly the show treats this as if it's all the magics fault, and that everything would be better if it was gone. And that's when Star comes up with the genius plan to use go to the magic dimension to destroy all the magic. Thus making Mina's forces useless. And while I admit that yes, they are very much been pushed to a wall here, this has to be one of the most overkill ideas they could of possibly think of!

Now, I've seen a lot of people online saying that by doing this, Star would be committing mass murder on a multiverse scale, potentially destroying many universes. And I think that is a bit of a reach. From what we see in the series, it seems to me at least that magic is kinda a rare thing in the universe. That's why so many villains are trying to steal the magic wand away from Star. And I see very little implying that there are whole universes that are reliant on magic outside of Mewni. THAT SAID THOUGH, this would result in the deaths of a lot of innocent people. But Star really only seems concerned with the fact that once magic is destroyed, all people who come from parallel universes will return to their home universe, meaning she won't be able to stay with Marco. Which makes Star seem beyond selfish and generally pretty horrible.

Hekapoo, one of the high commission members, despite being made of magic and knowing that she will die from this, is totally on board for this plan because plot. And our heroes travel to the magic dimension to destroy all the magic. Which they do. Defeating Mina's forces and leaving her powerless. She still manages to escape however because nobody decides to actually, you know, try to arrest the person who just committed a political coup and nearly whipped out an entire race. They just let her walk off, because she's powerless now. I mean what's the worse she could possibly do, right?

So yeah, Mina is defeated, but everybody is sent back to their home dimensions. But somehow, through the power of love I guess, the universes of Earth and Mewni begin to merge. Thus allowing Star and Marco to be together. Happy ending, I guess? I don't know. Like Star and Marco being together is treated as a good thing. But we also see humans screaming as there world have now been overrun by monsters. Is this suppose to be a joke? A bittersweet ending? I'm not really sure.

In concept the idea of a universe merge is actually a pretty interesting idea. As it feels like a natural progression of the shows themes of racial tolerance and mutual understanding. Now that we've gotten semi-tolerance between monsters and mewmans we could now have an arc about trying to bridge the cultural gaps between the humans and the mewmans. Plus it would be a good way to appease both the people who enjoyed the earlier seasons focus on Echo Creek, and fans of the later seasons who preferred the stories set on Mewni. It's not a bad idea, but it needed to A.) be set up better and B.) needed more time to be fleshed out. I get that it's designed to be a sequel hook, but it's not like this is something that the series had been building up to to the point where we the audience can put together what happens next. As is, it's just weird.

So yeah, the last couple of episodes of Star vs. where a total mess. It's fitting that the finale to Star happened to come out the same day as the finale of Game of Thrones. While I'm not going to act like there weren't some parts I liked or some good ideas sprinkled throughout, this finale was pretty bad. How do you have a show that preaches acceptance and equality and end it with a genocide?! But hey, genocidal problems call for genocidal solutions am I right?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Ufmrn7BCuA

My God, It's Dragon Ball Super all over again.

And the worse part is that the series didn't have to end this way. Cause the show actually had a pretty good episode about half way through the season, "Cornonation" which would of acted as a great series finale! With the series ending with Eclipsa as Queen and ruling with Globgor by her side, with the mewmans finally accepting monster kind. You'd have to change a few things, like rap up Mina's plot and put Star and Marco together, but other than that it could of really worked. Admirably it may end up feeling more like a finale for Mewne as oppose to a finale for Star but it would thematically fit with the message of the series. Or if you really wanna keep this finale more in tack just don't have Star destroy the magic. Just have Star, Moon, and Eclipsa go off and do the one thing the three of them had never tried doing. Working together. And have them defeat Mina the old fashion way. They even allude to this idea in the tavern episode before Star goes on her whole "We gotta destroy the magic" kick.

It is a bit ironic to think that a show that's whole message is about unity could end up being so divisive with it audience. I genuinely believe that had the show ended on a better note, people would look back on the show more fondly. Despite the flaws. To the people who don't like Star vs. The Forces of Evil, I can understand where you are coming from. Even if you ignore the finale there are things to not like. A lot of things aren't very well explained and the show has its fair bit of plot holes. The series can be repetitive with its frequent shipping and "racism is bad" episodes. And some of the characters can be a bit annoying, including our main lead at times.

That being said though, I have to say, I can't bring myself to hate this show.

I don't know what it is, but I just found myself getting really invested into this series. Maybe it was due to me hearing so much bad things about the later seasons that I had low expectations, and while that may be part of it I don't think that's the whole reason. When you watch as many cartoons as I have, and for as long as I have, it becomes harder for things to impress you. Sometimes it can feel like your just checking shows off of a box, which is something that I've been trying to improve upon. But watching this show, it brought me back to the way I felt back in the early 2010's when I first started getting into these types of series. For all of Star's flaws, and trust me there are many flaws, it felt like it was doing something unique. Like it was in it's own little world that wasn't quiet Adventure Time and not quiet Steven Universe. And the series stuck with me after I finished watching it, which is surprisingly kinda rare. It's why I became interested in doing this review in the first place.

Star vs. the Forces of Evil is a flawed show. Very flawed. But I'd rather have a flawed show that's unique than a perfect show that's something I've seen a million times. And while I may not be a fan of how it ended, I don't think that should completely take away from all the good that this show has to offer. This show isn't going to be for everybody, and If you somehow made it this far into the review without seeing the show than I hope I've said enough to help you figure out if this show is right for you. But for me, despite everything, the series still has it's magic.

What did you think of Star vs. the Forces of Evil? I really genuinely want to know on this one. Did it go downhill and if so than when? Leave those thoughts in the comments down bellow. Please fav, follow, and comment if you liked the review. And have a great day.

#Star vs The Forces of Evil

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