#i love my online friends to death but the past few years have taught me everything is so much better with a varied diet as it were | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

whatifyoulivelikethat · 3 years

Text

weird, m | ksj

pairing(s): seokjin x reader

summary: Your roommate and best friend, Kim Seokjin, forgot to double-check the autofill information and shipped his package from the online sex shop with your name on it. Naturally, this ends with you tying him up and sucking his dick, and him tying you up with you riding him like a wild animal. Wait, what?

warnings: rated M (18+) for language; friends with benefits; crack (sorry, I can't be serious for more than two seconds when writing Seokjin); yes, reader usually fucks younger dudes XD; smut (fem reader, D/s dynamics (both switches), bondage, m-receiving oral, thigh riding, cowgirl, spanking); non-idol!BTS - just two best friends fucking for sexual exploration, don't mind them

technically a prequel to love roulette, m | myg yes, this is the explanation to that mysterious package, but is it really an explanation or rather an excuse to fuck WWH, you decide

“Seokjin, can I ask you something?”

“Hm?”

When Kim Seokjin looked at you, it was a bit like looking into the eyes someone much younger than you even though he wasn’t. He had that youth about him, the ‘here’s-to-never-growing-up’ sparkle in his large brown eyes, complete with parted lips in a small ‘o’ and, alright, yes, his Nintendo Switch in his hands.

“A long time ago, I asked you which way you think you lean, more dominant or more submissive, no?”

His handsome face flushed pink, slowly scooting away from you.

“Er… yeah, I remember…”

“What?”

“Huh?”

You poked him and he squeaked, slapping a hand over his side even though he was wearing a brown sweatshirt. Seokjin was always cold, even during the summer.

Your best friend was an odd character.

You chuckled. “Why are you being so awkward? I thought we were over this phase.”

Well, he should be. You had known Seokjin since elementary school and seen him, er, date was a strong word for what you both were doing in middle and high school, more like being bumbling messes and walking in on each other bonking classmates, but, hey, what mattered is that you both got better at it over the years.

It being sex.

Not romance.

You both still had only sketchy ideas about what romance was supposed to be.

“We are,” your best friend coughed, clearing his throat for absolutely no reason. “We are, I just…”

“Used my name for purchasing goods from an online sex shop?”

He choked and nearly flung his Switch. You caught it, swiftly placing it on the coffee table as you procured the cardboard box from behind your back, already open, address and name circled in thick black permanent marker on the rather inconspicuous package.

“W-What, that’s absurd, why would I ever–?”

You hummed pleasantly, sweeping the box away from his lanky limbs and his flailing hands. For someone who didn’t purchase goods from an online sex shop, he sure was interested in getting the box. He tumbled into your lap, and quickly scrambled back, black hair suddenly fluffed and wild from the movement.

“Something tells me you didn’t check the autocomplete form before clicking submit.”

You saw Seokjin choke on air.

He jerked away from you and fumbled with his phone beside him. You peeked over his broad shoulder and saw that he was scrolling through his emails like a madman, except Seokjin had a bad habit of never deleting any. He had maybe fifteen thousand unread emails to sort though.

“You don’t have to check. I am sure I didn’t order red cotton bondage rope and a leather flogger.”

Seokjin whipped his head around, face redder than a tomato, looking halfway between fainting and screaming.

You raised an eyebrow. “Is it for you or a mysterious imaginary girl that you’re dating?”

Now your best friend seemed to be contemplating holding his own breath until he passed out to avoid your questioning.

“I-It’s not for me!”

“Oooh, then who? You’re not an internet hookup kind of guy though… unless she was dumb enough to put her full name as her username, then she’s too airheaded to be a catfish–”

Seokjin flapped his hands, smacking you in your pajama-covered chest, sputtering. “No one! There’s no one! I just…!”

You caught one of his wrists, raising an eyebrow.

“Just?”

He froze.

Silence.

“… Seokjin?”

You left go of his hand. It stayed there, frozen in the air.

Ah, it seemed as if his soul left his body.

Rest in peace Kim Seokjin. You were the handsomest best friend one could ask for.

You prodded him in the side again and Seokjin doubled over, trying to cover his face with the large sleeves of his sweatshirt, long legs in black sweatpants curling up as if he could cocoon himself away from the conversation.

“Seokjin, you can be interested in whatever you want,” you snickered, placing the package next to his fetal positioned body. “I simply thought it was funny that you accidentally used my name. Although I wouldn’t use that flogger on a real person, only for posing in pictures. In any case, have fun being freaky by yourself and not for some mysterious woman you refuse to tell me about.”

You stood up, about to leave and give your best friend some space. You shouldn’t go too far teasing him after all.

“What do you mean?”

You stopped, looking back. Seokjin’s large brown eyes were peeking out of his splayed fingers, shifting awkwardly when you made eye contact. He cleared his throat. He was doing that a lot for someone who seemed perfectly healthy ten minutes ago, shrieking at himself for missing the ledge in his game and dying.

It had seemed like a good time to interrupt and embarrass him so you could save your eardrums.

He coughed and pointed to the box. “About the… um… whip… thingmabob…”

You cocked an eyebrow. “Isn’t it obvious?”

You marched over and opened the box, making Seokjin jolt and cover his red ears instinctively, but you ignored him, pulling out the black pleather flogger you had already unwrapped from the plastic – purely from thinking it was your own package, by the way, no other reason, surely not because you were mildly curious about what your best friend was into, nope – and you slapped the short three tails into your hand, wincing.

“This kind of cheap material is too plastic-like. If you use this on bare skin and hit too hard, you’re going to cut someone and I know you’re squeamish around blood, unless you secretly have a blood fetish too and have been a really good actor all this time–”

“How do you know that?”

You blinked at his question.

“What?”

Seokjin sat up, giving you a confused pout. “Why do you know something like that?”

Now it was your turn to shift your eyes around.

“Uh…”

Er… how to tell your best friend that the younger guy you were casually fucking for the past couple of weeks was, ah, rather knowledgeable about certain things, was, um, interested in teaching, uh, yeah, teaching…

Seokjin squinted at you suspiciously. “Is it that idol trainee that was here two nights ago when I was out drinking with Hose–”

You waved your hands very quickly, tossing the flog aside carelessly and slapping your thigh to silence Seokjin and his far too invasive questions. “Look. I just don’t want you to hurt anybody on accident, okay? Your rope choice was good though. You should always use an organic material for shibari, cotton, hemp, linen if you’re rich, but you’re a cheapskate, so–”

Your best friend narrowed his eyes into slits. “How much younger is that guy compared to you again? Hm? And what was his name? Ye–”

You slapped a hand over Seokjin’s mouth, smiling sweetly and dangerously, reaching into the box and pulling out the red cotton rope.

“I know a lot of knots now and I can tie a noose just for you, Seokjinnie.”

Your best friend, rightfully so, looked terrified.

“Now. Let’s talk about you, okay? Okay.”

You removed your hand and held onto the rope.

Seokjin gulped, but then shook his head vigorously, frowning. “What did you call it?” He was already moving past your death threat. Smart man.

“Call what?”

“Shi-something?”

“Shibari? Japanese rope tying?” You lifted the cotton cord in your hand. “Is that not what this is for?”

Seokjin blinked very rapidly.

You blinked back at him. Then it dawned onto you. “The diamond-y rope patterns where they’re all tied up and stuff.”

“Ah! Yeah! That!”

“You want that done to you?”

Seokjin jerked to one side. “What? No! To someone else. Maybe. No. What?”

You slowly placed the rope on his lap and scooted away.

“Uh… huh. Okay. Enjoy.”

“Wait,” he blurted.

“What?”

“CanIpracticeonyou?”

“Can you WHAT?” you echoed shrilly.

“Right, yeah, okay, never mind–”

“Seokjin.”

Your best friend choked on his own toothbrush and threw himself into the bathroom wall, colliding into the towel bar and howling in pain while simultaneously hacking up a lung.

“I’ve decided I am going to teach you some simple knots to prevent me from having to pick your naked ass up from the police station or hospital,” you said calmly as Seokjin half-died on the floor tangled in your mint green and his navy-blue bath towels. “And because I don’t want to have to cut some poor girl off your bedframe because you’ve blacked out running onto your door trying to find me.”

“I’ve never–” he wheezed.

“But you will if I don’t take precautions,” you cut in, grabbing your purple toothbrush and putting toothpaste on it as Seokjin attempted to collect himself off the ground. “Like that one time you ran into the window when that wasp was in the apartment.”

“That was a fucking wasp, you freaked out too!”

You started brushing your teeth. “Yeah, but I didn’t knock myself out and wake up with a fat bump on my forehead. That was you,” you gargled.

“Ack…”

“Anyway, I know a few things and I figured I would do a good deed and enlighten you.”

“Who taught you? Was it Ye–”

You jabbed Seokjin forcefully in the ribs and he immediately shut up because he choked on his toothbrush again.

“Why do you have scissors?”

“For cutting the rope.”

“Yeah, but why are they so big?”

“That’s what she said.”

Seokjin narrowed his eyes. “I hate you.”

“Cool, now I’m gonna tie you up. Give me your hands.”

You unwound the end from the bolt and frowned, nudging his knee with yours. You were both sitting on his bed, him cross legged and you on your knees because he was wearing black sweatpants and you were wearing no pants, just your usual large lavender pajama shirt with a pattern of yellow stars.

“Take off your sweatshirt. It’ll get in the way.”

“But I’m cold.”

“You won’t be because apparently this shit turns you on,” you snickered.

“Shut up, it does not. It’s the other way around,” Seokjin grumbled, yanking his chocolate brown sweatshirt over his head.

You paused.

“I thought you were more sub.”

Seokjin froze, head half-out of his sweatshirt. You waited. He didn’t move. You waited some more. He coughed and chucked the article of clothing aside, yanking his white t-shirt down and smoothing his hair, not looking at you.

You waited.

He smoothed his hair for a full two minutes.

“Um, anyway–”

You planted a hand on his knee and Seokjin tried to chop your hand away, only for you to snatch his wrist, so his other hand came up to stop you, but you wound the end of the rope around his wrist and bounced off his mattress, pinning your knees on top of his knees and making him squeak as he tumbled back into his pillows, bringing you with him. You had to jerk your head out of the way to avoid collision.

“My nuts!”

“I didn’t hit your precious nuts, you numbsku–”

Hang on.

You locked eyes with Seokjin under you, who gawked back at you, absolutely terrified.

“… You are still a sub.”

Seokjin winced. “Ugh, it’s just… I’m getting older, alright? I can change my mind…”

You could get off him. You could let it be. You totally could.

But were you going to?

No.

You straddled his abdomen and brought his hands to his chest with a big grin. Seokjin’s eyes turned into giant brown saucers. He looked ready to pass out and not from your weight because you weren’t putting much weight on him.

“W-W-What are y-you d-doing?!” he shrieked.

You rapped him in the forehead. “Teaching. Pay attention. Hands up.”

“You aren’t taking your rings off?”

He was referring to the three silver rings you wore on a daily basis – an onyx stone on your left middle finger, a goat-head shaped ring on your right thumb, and a skull with a jester hat on your right ring finger.

You raised an eyebrow. “Why do I need to take them off?”

He lifted his hands and gave you an exaggerated shrug in between your thighs. Come to think of it, Seokjin had a rather broad chest so you had to spread your legs pretty wide to accommodate and hover over him.

Precarious.

“Ah, perfect.”

Your best friend yelped as you wrapped the rope around his wrists, leaving the end sticking out between them, first focusing on loosely binding. He tried to break away, but you harshly squeezed his sides with your thighs, narrowing your eyes.

“Stop squirming.”

He froze at your cold tone, shifting his eyes awkwardly.

“Watch. Now.”

His eyes immediately snapped to your hands.

“Wrists together.” You nudged them so the inner parts of the wrists were touching. “A little space in the center,” you added, looping out the end of the rope. “I’m just teaching you how I learned it, there are a few ways, but the details are important so you don’t prevent loss of circulation,” you added seriously, waiting for him to nod before continuing. “So, wind it around a couple times, but don’t overlap. Four or five?”

“But I can still get out.”

You glared at him. Seokjin shut up and jammed his plush pink lips together, shaking his head rapidly as if to say, who me? I wasn’t talking!

“Turn it ninety degrees like this,” you demonstrated. “And start going perpendicular to and in between the wrists to create the binding. Line up each coil side by side. Mind the starting end here. Then…” You reached for the scissors and snipped the excess away, dropping the rope and scissors beside you on the bed. “You tie it off on the outside. I use a square knot, so this end over this end, and then retie it the opposite way. Try to break free.”

Seokjin frowned at the red rope around his wrists, twisting it this way and that, squirming underneath your legs. You put your hands on your waist triumphantly, nodding to yourself in pride. You did a good job! It looked neat and it was inescapable without tightening on any blood vessels to cause any dangerous loss of circulation.

Hang on.

Seokjin froze.

You froze.

You both looked down.

You smacked him in the cheek.

“Ow!”

“What are you looking there for?!”

“Why did you hit me? Why do you always resort to violence?!” Seokjin accused, jabbing you underneath your breasts with his bound hands. “What is going on down there?”

“Nothing! Stop moving!”

“No!”

“You–”

You closed your thighs around Seokjin’s waist and sat down on him, causing him to gasp, wind knocked out of him as his diaphragm was pushed up into his lungs, struggling with the rope between his wrists and resorting to slamming them down on the bed above his head. You growled as you towered over him. He started yelling, as he always did.

“Yah!”

You slapped your free hand over his mouth.

“Silence.”

He glared at you behind your palm, breathing hard. You sat on top of him, breathing just as hard. He was bigger, strong, yes, but not in the position of power and – being honest, after all – your best friend was never really out to fight you and win. He was more of a ‘I’m-going-to-be-stupidly-annoying-until-you-do-what-I-want’ type, which made him rather childish in some ways. You were more of the ‘I’m-gonna-beat-your-ass’ type.

In conclusion, it was a healthy friendship.

Seokjin started licking your palm and making crazy eyes at you.

Your eye twitched.

“Stop it.”

Unsurprisingly, he did not, in fact, stop it.

“I said, stop it.”

And you slid down, past the wet spot now on his t-shirt, planting your soaked panties on top of his crotch, grinding down, and, yup, Seokjin bucked and yelped, immediately stopping and seizing up as if he could hide the massive erection that you had been willing to ignore but he was being a little – nah, actually, an extra-large, supersized – shit and it was getting on your last nerve, so what better way to resolve a wordless argument (on his part, heh) then humping his hard-on?

You removed your hand and Seokjin had a brief moment to gasp your name before you slid the pads of your fingers onto his tongue, rubbing it roughly and making his eyes nearly bulge out of his head.

“I told you to stop, but you aren’t listening,” you snarled.

Seokjin whimpered, brown orbs glassy, pupils blown out.

You stilled.

Hold on a second.

You had a brief epiphany where you realized you were grinding on your best friend’s dick with him tied up and you were wetter than the Yellow Sea. This wasn’t some guy you picked up at the night market that won you that sleeping Pikachu at the claw machines, only to chat him up and end up with bed with a guy who was – ack, never mind his age – anyway, this was your best friend.

Kim Seokjin.

Oh shit, I’ve gone too far.

You let go, backing up. “S… Sorry, I–”

But then Seokjin’s plush lips closed around your fingers, sucking hard and you choked slightly, feeling his hips roll and the tip of his clothed erection hit your covered clit. He was glaring at you. You gasped as his teeth gently but firmly caught your two fingers. It did hurt, but only a little. Mostly it sent a rush of rather uncomfortable and mind-boggling arousal racing from your knuckles to your core, drenching your panties further.

“Don’t stop,” he mumbled around your fingers.

Don’t stop?

DON’T STOP?

His teeth let go, panting, staring into your eyes.

“Don’t make this weird,” Seokjin muttered, shifting his gaze. “Don’t make this weird, okay?”

His brown eyes flickered back to you. His bound hands were still over his head, black hair flaring out of his pillows, white t-shirt messed up, still trapped between your thighs. You paused, fingers slipping out of his lips, the pads trailing on his lower lip, turning it glossy with his saliva.

Your heart was racing fast.

He furrowed his dark brows and, for the first time, his serious expression made you think that perhaps, maybe, there was a side of him down there, the other side to the coin.

“I just…” Seokjin exhaled slowly, not looking away from you. “I trust you to do this. You’re capable and knowledgeable. I know you are. Word gets around with your, er, habits with younger guys…”

You felt your cheeks heat and you scratched your head awkwardly.

“Anyway, it’s fine if you wanna… er… get off. With me. Because I’m so handsome and all.”

You were thiiiiiiis close to leaving out of sheer embarrassment that instantly dissipated at Seokjin’s sudden unexpected self-compliment. Instead, your eye twitched and you squinted in annoyance.

Seokjin coughed, ears singeing bright red. “Unless you can’t, of course. Because it’s easy to fall in love with me, and that would be very bad considering I don’t want to marry you–”

“I don’t want to marry you either,” you snapped. “You’re ugly.”

Seokjin gasped dramatically, highly offended. “How dare you–!”

He abruptly sat up and you twisted back, only for his arms to swing over your head and sandwich you between his tied wrists and his chest, ramming you back onto his lap and his hard dick. You hissed and bit down your moan, not willing to admit it was mildly turning you on, because of course neither you or Seokjin hated each other – only in that classic way best friends hate and love each other at the same time – and, yeah, sure, you could admit Seokjin was handsome and cute and fun to be around, but he wasn’t the one, not that you knew what the one was supposed to feel like or knew if you would ever feel such an intense, romantic love, but you had this strange idea that the one for you would be someone who could understand you on a different level, and you didn’t have that with Seokjin even if you did talk all the time. You were quite sure the feeling was mutual and now, looking into his brown eyes with a scowl, you saw that the feeling was indeed mutual.

Also, Seokjin was an immature shithead.

A loveable, worldwide handsome, immature shithead. Redeemable.

Still.

You were horny.

And Seokjin was horny.

You weren’t going to date Seokjin ever, but your best friend was hot as hell and you could definitely bang him without any regrets.

“Let’s fuck,” he breathed into your face.

You raised an eyebrow.

“Don’t make it weird.”

Don’t make it weird, yeah, okaaay dude–

Your thoughts were suddenly cut off when Seokjin kissed you.

His forearms closed in behind your back and he pressed his bound wrists into your shoulder blades, pushing you into his solid chest and his embrace, taking your breath away. He always had good hugs, even if they were just to comfort you when your favorite flavor of ice lollys stopped being stocked at your local grocery store – still tragic to this day – and even when he was clinging onto you like a howling monkey because a cockroach was in the bathroom and he was screaming at you to kill it and nearly blowing out your eardrums, even then…

Now.

You closed your legs in around his hips and rolled your crotch into him, suddenly kissing him back.

He gasped into your mouth, your eyes half-opening, him gazing back at you, long lashes and dark eyebrows and glowing tan skin, holy shit, your best friend was handsome as fuck, why did other men even try when Kim Seokjin existed?

“Are you falling in love with me because I’m so handsome?” Seokjin teased, nipping at your lower lip.

Your eye twitched. Oh, yes, that’s right, because you’re annoying.

You shoved him and he yelped, clutching your back as you both fell onto the bed with a flump! You slid out from under his arms, skin prickling at Seokjin’s involuntary whine at your departure. Don’t make this weird, yeah, okay, don’t turn me on this much, dumbass, you are reminding me of… You pushed the thought away.

You didn’t want to think about other people when the person you were touching was right in front of you.

“What are you – yah!”

You gripped the waistband of his sweatpants and yanked down, exposing his underwear – bright blue, nice, nice – and his clothed erection, leaning in, hot breath ghosting over it, Seokjin jerking his arms about because he seemed undecided on either if he wanted to see or not see, but you let him deal with that in his own time, lowering your mouth, tongue extended, fingers splayed over his hips, silver rings glinting in his bedroom lights.

“You look like a demon,” you heard from above you.

You planted your tongue on the spot where the head of his cock would be and soaked it with saliva.

“F-Fuck!”

That shut him up real quick.

Your eyes drifted up, lapping slowly, barely stimulating the sensitive head through his underwear, closing your lips around it so the fabric clung wetly to the taut skin underneath. His cock swelled and twitched under your mouth; the action was mirrored by Seokjin’s jaw. He was clenching it along with his hands balled into fists, gasping for breath.

“O-Oh, f-fuck…!”

You were beginning to get the hint with each passing second of working your tongue around his rapidly hardening cock. Seokjin had put himself in the sub category when you asked back then because he liked to things being done for him. It was less about the mental aspect and more of the physical acts of service in his case. However, he wasn’t very good at articulating what he wanted and thus the natural pattern of someone just doing it led to, ah, exhibit A.

You currently parting your lips and letting your tongue snake out, coating the length with saliva.

But.

You could see it in his eyes, that burning intensity.

Maybe part of it was because it was you. He probably didn’t have those butterfly jitters of trying to woo a stranger or the nervousness of looking bad in the honeymoon phase of a relationship. There was already a level of comfort – and the ability to readily shit-talk each other at any moment – and so Seokjin was free to relax, even if it was a bizarre situation of sexual discovery.

“Take it off,” he growled.

Your fingers creeped up his sides, hooking over his boxer briefs. Slow, deliberate, kissing up his length, on the tightrope, dominant in your control, submissive in the action, raising your head so Seokjin could lift his hips, feathering kisses on the exposed skin and making him hiss and shudder, eyelids fluttering, slipping into subservience a little.

At the end of the day, who killed the unwanted bugs in your shared apartment?

Yeah, you.

“Oh, f… fucking shit…”

You tilted your head and ran your tongue up and down the length, licking up the sides and circling around the thick head, bordering on frustratingly soft, switching to wet, sloppy kisses when his hands raised, making him pause, gazing down at you curiously and attentively, entranced by the action. You ducked down, tongue slurping around his balls, lifting his cock, kissing, sucking, eyes closing, tip of your wet muscle drawing zig-zag patterns that soft skin.

Seokjin moaned your name.

A shiver of electricity went up your spine.

Alright, fine, you were getting turned on.

You wrapped your lips around his balls and enveloped them both with your mouth.

“Whoa!”

You opened your eyes to see Seokjin staring wide-eyed at you, hands straight up to stare at you between his upper arms. You almost laughed at the hilarious triangular-looking pose, but your mouth was currently full, so you restrained yourself.

“That’s possible?! You can put both nuts in your mouth at the same time?!”

Uh.

Where you supposed to respond with your cheeks stuffed with his nutties?

You hummed casually in response.

“A-Ah…!”

Seokjin gasped at the vibrations and the movement of your tongue slapping all over them, short, rapid licks all over his skin, watching him with a cocked eyebrow, but he didn’t even notice, hands dropping and moaning to the ceiling, his eyes closing and savoring the hot wet warmth and the power of your mouth, shivering as your hand slowly stroked his length in time with your tongue.

You let him bask in it before detaching and swallowing his cock.

“Gah!”

Seokjiinie, you thought wryly, we gotta work on your repertoire of sex sounds.

You spied him looking down at you, so you paused around the swollen head and slid your tongue out, circling and wrapping around his length while sucking on the tip and rubbing the back of your tongue along the underside.

Seokjin made a bunch of weird croaking noises that were, strangely, rather attractive. Okay, you could admit it. You were kind of a sucker for your best friend in the most platonic way possible… while in the middle of sucking his dick.

What?

He was handsome!

You began to bob your head up and down, tongue and lips descending, taking him deep so you kissed the base of his cock, head buried in your throat, waiting for him to glance down at you, hazy brown orbs under lush lashes, and you would peek your tongue out and lap at his balls, interrupting the tightness, causing him to swear and jerk his hips up, urging you to keep consistent speed and pace, all the while watching every single movement of your tongue. You kept this irregular pace, slow, then fast, then slow again when he looked at you, then fast when the ecstasy was too much and he closed his eyes, over and over. You could see that a battle was being waged Seokjin’s pretty head, between wanting to observe the lewdness of you licking his balls with his hard cock buried in your throat while also desperately needing to get to the fuck off.

“You… bitch… suck me off properly, fuck…”

You raised all the way so only the head was in your mouth and sucked, rubbing up and around it, swirling all over, teasing the slit and soaking the sensitive skin, rutting it against the roof of your mouth and Seokjin groaned, pressing his head back into the pillows, black hair covering his eyes, fists pressed to his chest.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, please, let me cum!”

His hips rammed up and you dug your nails into them, wincing as the head hit the top of your throat and slid down, cutting off your air, and then he began to thrust erratically, the position, inability to use his hands as leverage, and your resistance not letting him set up a good rhythm. You had to force him back down, popping your mouth off, snarling.

“I’m gonna gag if you do that! You want me to vomit on your dick or what?”

But all of a sudden Seokjin sat up again, grabbing your pajama shirt and yanking you to him, saliva dripping down your chin and then it was on his chin, a messy, savage kiss, ravenous need in his actions, pulling you to him, close, closer, you twisting and then gasping as he pushed one of your thighs down, planting your soaked panties on the exposed part of his thigh.

“Ah, Seok–”

He attacked your lips again with a light growl, sparks shooting across your skin, his thigh rising and bouncing you both on the bed, his legs still tangled in his pants and underwear but the effect was undeniable.

Seokjin was making you ride his thigh.

Whoa.

He bit your lower lip and sucked hard, your eyes fluttering closed, hips rocking, heat turning hotter, wet turning wetter, your sticky, sweet juices clinging to his upper thigh, your own pressed against his saliva-covered cock, wrapping your arms around him, close, closer, you thrusting your tongue in his mouth and him moaning before he did the same to you, starting a tug of war, rubbing harder against his skin, his muscle tensing against your covered clit, friction and wetness everywhere, too many clothes and no eye contact, one of your hands slipping into his black locks and tilting his head, deepening the kiss and inhaling his exhale, shuddering at the erotic nature of the moment.

He mumbled your name against your lips, still clutching your pajamas, stars bunched in his hands, fingertips pressed into the curve of your breasts.

“Can I try the rope tying now?” Seokjin whispered, voice gravelly and low.

“Excuse me?”

There was a ripped-open condom wrapper sitting on the bed.

“What?”

Your pajama shirt, bra, and panties were on the floor, along with Seokjin’s shirt, sweatpants, and underwear.

“Why are you – gah!”

You sucked in a breath as you sank down on his cock. Fuck, it was tight, tight as you lowered yourself onto his hips, Seokjin gasping and clutching the long length of red cotton rope that you had carefully untied from his wrists. You had even taken the extra step to massage them afterward, not that he needed it because of your careful work – good job, past you – but he appreciated it all the same, because deep down Kim Seokjin was a prince.

“Oh my God, you’re so tight, shit, shit, shit…”

You neglected to tell your best friend that you were both low-key proud of and turned on by your own ability to take dick without much foreplay. That little edge of tightness added just the right amount of spice of pain that amplified to the pleasure.

Okay.

And yes, you felt a special kind of glee as you witnessed Seokjin’s stunned shock and near passed-out expression from being inside you.

You held out your wrists and grinned. “Go ahead. Tie me up.”

Seokjin gawked at you like you had three heads.

You squeezed your breasts together with your upper arms, tilting your head with a devilish grin.

“God, you’re so hot, but you look crazy,” he wheezed.

Your grin dropped and your eye twitched. “Is that supposed to be a compliment or…?”

Seokjin shrugged, and moved your hands so they were in the better position for him. Much to your annoyance, he didn’t elaborate.

“Um, let’s see, you left a bit out to use as a tie and…”

You began to rock your hips.

“H-Hey!”

The side of your lips curved upward. “What? We’re multitasking.”

“We–?” Seokjin choked, gritting his teeth as you pulsed around his hard length, rolling your hips gently, adjusting until you found a comfortable spot so the head hit you in just the right spot, ah, yes, right there, spreading your fingers out over his chest, leaning your forehead against his, not quite going full force but a slow, deliberate rhythm that wasn’t going to make either of you cum, but, damn, did it feel good.

Seokjin shuddered, gasping your name.

“Tie me up, Seokjin,” you murmured back, caressing his skin.

His eyes darted up, saturated with lust, searching your eyes, and you gazed back.

You could be a real jerk right now.

His hot exhale washed over your lips, a shudder of nervousness.

But this was your best friend, and he was trusting you.

You tilted your head and kissed him softly, flush against his plush lips.

“Come on,” you nudged his nose lightly. “Do it.”

You viewed him from under your lashes. He shivered. Almost.

He needed only one more little push.

“Want you, Seokjinnie,” you breathed against his skin, hints of need and desperation in your voice.

A small smile danced on his lips, staring into your eyes.

You might have fallen for him a little bit in that moment.

“Okay.”

He kissed the side of your mouth, a teasing little peck, and you smirked, turning your head so you wouldn’t break the image you had created for him, but he was already looking down, busily occupied with your wrists, so you drew back, focusing instead on riding him, closing your eyes. You built a leisurely, pleasurable pace, leaning forward a bit to rub your clit against the base of his cock, sighing contentedly at the way he filled you, a wonderful, thick, satisfying girth that you could get used to, other than the fact that most of the time Seokjin drove you up the wall, but, hey, maybe if both of you reached a certain age and you were still single, maybe you could marry your best friend solely for having accessible dick…

“Ah! Perfect.”

You cracked open one eye.

And tried not to burst out laughing.

“Erm… well…” you coughed, tugging at the rope a little. It looked messy and rather hideous, parts overlapping and twisting awkwardly, but he had the… basic idea? It wasn’t like you were going to do anything dumb anyway, so it was pretty good for a first time.

Seokjin frowned. “I don’t know how you did it so neatly…”

“You line up the coils next to each other – ah!”

He seemed to think that was good enough and grabbed handfuls of your ass, causing you to tip forward and brace your hands against his chest, gasping as his hips thrust up into you, abrupt pleasure blooming up your core, sudden squelch of wetness between your joined hips.

“Come on,” he grunted, clenching his jaw, tone getting deeper and more dangerous with each word. “I have to get off, and now.”

He smacked his hands down on your ass and you almost whimpered.

Almost.

Seokjin drew back a little, giving you a strange look.

“W… What?” you managed to get out.

He tilted his head. “Do you like that?”

You almost said, no, of course not, but you stopped yourself, looking down at the red rope tied around your wrists, heat flaring in your cheeks, ass stinging slightly from his slap.

His cock twitched inside you.

Your eyes flickered up to him. A sly smirk danced on your lips.

“Yeah. I like the things you do to me.”

You saw Seokjin pause, brown eyes widening a little, black hair over his forehead.

You pushed him down on the bed. He gasped, but he was used to it now, gripping your ass and tipping his head back as you began to really ride him, waving your hips to ram his cock into your pussy, not even noticing the moan seeping from your lips, fuck, it was good, fulfilling and deep, your bound hands on his chest, fingers spread out and nails digging into his skin a little, but Seokjin seemed to be into it, his own nails sinking into your ass, pushing you down with every descent, hitting you harder, rougher, intensifying the pleasure, building onto it. Hot breath, warm skin, joined hips, loud slaps, rocking bedframe, your breasts bouncing with each thrust, gazing at each other through half-lidded eyes, not quite seeing each other but drowning in the gratification, the roughness, gasping sharply as his open palm smacked down on your ass again, making it bounce and jiggle in his hands, your core and thighs squeezing tighter, witnessing his tight hiss of desire, mesmerized by your sound so he did it again, spanking the other cheek, and you did it again, whimper creeping out, arousal consuming his handsome features, intoxicated by your reaction to his action so he did it again and again, hard, stinging slaps as you rode his stiff, quivering cock harder and faster, fuck, Seokjin must be incredibly turned on because he was so fucking hard, just so incredibly sexy how hard he was right now, even the pain was nothing but an injection of added carnal pleasure, throwing your head back and sinking your nails into his skin, fucking him recklessly, forgetting about hiding your moans, who the fuck cared, not you and not him because Seokjin too was crying out, the sinful sound of sex echoing off his bedroom walls, except instead of you in your bedroom putting headphones on to drown him out, you were in his bedroom, doing it, fucking the daylights out of him.

Alright.

You could see why girls wanted to date your best friend now.

Seokjin was a loud dork, but he had a great dick.

“F-Fuck, Seokjin, fuck!”

He had a similar response, although it was more a choked garble of your name mixed with, “Oh fuck, I’m gonna cum, fuck!”

You must really be drunk on his dick because even that turned you on and tipped you over the edge.

Your thighs tensed and you moaned deeply, tucking your chin down and spreading your palms onto his pecs, wrists straining against the cotton rope, a rapid torrent of adrenaline soaring through you and then you smacked your ass down onto Seokjin’s crotch, whining as you came in vicious pulses of pleasure, clenching around his jerking length and you realized Seokjin was clutching your ass, pinning it down so you couldn’t move, shooting his release into the condom, so much that you felt his cock shudder and throb inside you, head buried in your deepest, most pleasurable spot, you feeling all of him and him feeling all of you.

Holy shit.

You almost saw stars.

“Hah… wow… I guess I can’t blame younger dudes for wanting this pussy…”

Your eyes weren’t open but your eyebrow twitched in annoyance.

“Shut up, Seokjin.”

“Come on, man! Look what you did!” Seokjin barked accusingly, pointing to his chest with red indents of your rings.

“Excuse me? I’m the one who has scratches and a bruised ass!”

“You’ve marred my beautiful skin! I should fine you!”

“Where’s that fuckin’ whip – get your naked ass back here, Kim Seokjin!”

Hm, well, maybe you would find your true love some other time. Maybe try gambling?

masterpost

#seokjin x reader #seokjin x you #seokjin smut #bts smut #kim seokjin smut #kim seokjin x reader #kim seokjin x you

296 notes · View notes

nightswithkookmin · 3 years

Note

Hii, me again. 😅

Jungkook made a three syllable poem with "min yoongi" name. At the last name of "Gi" He made yoonmin. Is he try to expose that yoonmin is a thing/ or real??

Ahjumma.... why are you being like this?

What did I do to deserve this ghettory?😟 It's too early in the year to be this ghetto uno.

Don't be like that😒

You are asking me, Goldy- GOLDY of all shippers, if I think JEON JUNGKOOK is confirming his boyfriend of seven years and counting is in a relationship with another member within the same group...

Doing what exactly in that relationship??

Is JK cockholding? What's going on.

KWENCHANAYO?!

You think BTS will survive two members dating the same guy in the same group???

Never mind that it's Jeon Jungkook and Park freaking Jimin- Mr I'm greedy and Mr I don't share my friends.

Like make it make sense to me please😭

After everything we've been said on my blogs for months now, you still asking me this??

You are bold, I'll give you that.

Now tell me slowly and in coherent words why I shouldn't pull your hair and give you three quick punches to your throat- ninja style👀

Someone get her before I snap their neck💀

For the last time-

NEITHER 🤺OF🤺JIKOOK🤺 IS 🤺 WAS🤺 HAS🤺 HAD🤺 PURPORTS TO HAVE🤺 WOULD HAVE HAD🤺 COULD HAD HAD🤺 HAD HAD HAD🤺IS HAVING 🤺 ANY 🤺ROMANTIC🤺 FEELINGS🤺WHATSOEVER 🤺 DESIRE🤺CRAVING🤺 WET DREAMS🤺 YEARNING🤺 PASSION🤺ATTRACTION🤺 AMOROUS 🤺INTENT🤺TOWARDS🤺 ANY🤺🤺MEMBER🤺 IN🤺 BTS🤺BESIDES🤺 EACH🤺 OTHER🤺

GET🤺 OUT 🤺OF🤺 YOUR🤺 IMAGINATION🤺

If you are new to the shipping community I suggest you familiarize yourself with every ships dynamics or at least Jikooks- if multishipping isn't exactly your thing.

Jikook's entire dynamics is founded on JK teasing JM to death. It's their thing.

He's said he enjoys teasing Jimin because he loves Jimin's reaction to when he's being teased. In fact, the entire group have said same about Jimin.

Did you see JM's reaction to when JK called out the Yoonmin comment in the dynamite reaction VLive?

Did you see RMs reaction too?

He is trying Jimin with these Yoonmin jokes. He's gonna get stabbed. Lmho.

Jimin reacts strongly to when JK in particular teases him with ships, Yoonmin more recently. Yet he didn't seem to mind when V did it.

V used to be the biggest Yoonminer on the planet rooting for and encouraging certain interactions between Yoonmin. Lmho.

Jimin himself perpetuates Yoonmin as a ship.

It would be an insult on his intelligence for anyone to assume he didn't know exactly why people ship two people together or what interactions and moments is considered a moment in shipping sphere.

Statements like, why can't Suga hyung look me in the eye, why does he say I'm irreplaceable to him, insinuates something and he knows this.

Once upon a time, JK couldn't look you in the eyes too. Still can't sometimes.

Jimin has a presence and he has a hold on these men and he knows it.

He goes out of his way to create the impression he and Suga have a very close bond and dynamic- I'm sold on it. Lol.

'5 Jms? As expected. You'll fall in love with them' not sure if JM said the last bit in the BE.TS Vlive, yall check for me.

It's crazy then that he turns around to react the way he does when JK teases him with his ship with Suga.

It seems to me, Jimin knows the intent and energy behind such seemingly harmless jokes- JK can be petty and passive aggressive with these things. You'd think he is joking but deep down he would be pouting and throwing tantrums behind cams🤧

It's Jimin apologizing and looking like his spirit left his body as he sat on the edge of JK's bed in the new Jersey VLive for me.

He needs to free Jimin.

Talk of things I'm getting too old for- Let's talk about why he posted his version of the bridge in disease online🤧

Not to say he shouldn't have posted it. I support that he did wholeheartedly. Deadass found his groove since he started unbuttoning the front of his shirts in 2020.

He's reclaiming the spotlight, putting himself at the forefront unlike before where he'd resigned himself to a supportive role watching his hyungs be at the center of things.

Now he's been talking about that he wants have sexy dance performances like Jimin, write rap melodies for RM, share his own music, try on a solo career one day- we get it. You found yourself Mr I'm independent asserting myself yall better fuxk off but chilee not at the expense of Jimin! 🤺

I mean it's a broad spotlight and they both can share it but damn is someone changing drastically. Not sure if I should be proud or terrified.

It's great and amazing and I'm really truly happy with where he's at mentally and physically since 2020- it's a great sign, don't get me wrong. Significant improvement. His becoming is long over due but he didn't have to grab the spotlight from Jimin like that.

Jk vs JM isn't something I'm a fan of.

It's a shame it didn't work out? What do you mean JK. I'm sorry but Jimin's version is amazing too!😟

What the actual hell JK😭

Back it up. This is not how to Jikook🤺

On guard sir🤺 on guard🤺

Dude did Jimin dirty🤧🤧🤧🤧🤧

I need a refund😭😭😭😭

Here I was waiting for y'all to get on your Jikook agenda and post that first Jikook selca of the year and you are there shipping Jimin with your bandmate and thiefing his shine. Who taught you that?!😥

Y'all are competitive but y'all don't compete with eachother's shine! JIKOOK 101😭😭😭

You share it😥

Show me where in the books this new development falls under. Show me

You winging it and it's unconstitutional😟

I rebuke it in Jesus name!

Someone beam me up.

You got these 13 year olds coming in my DMs telling me you are not supportive of your man's career.

I don't have time for this shit.

SOMEONE BEAM ME UP! Kirk!

If you've watched their Be behind video, and you've seen Jin talk about how RM complained to him when Tae chose Suga's version over his version you'd know where JK is coming from or where I think he is coming from having JMs version chosen over his.

Watch their Be self interview on yt too.

He said there's a melody he worked on for RM and when Jhope thought he got snubbed he recommended he release it instead- to quench his artistic drive perhaps.

That is why he released this song. He did it for himself. Like he said, he won't put out a song unless he was confident about it.

Suga have said time and again how the music and melodies they create never go to waste because they can repurpose it like he did with Telepathy I think.

Even JK explained he was reserving the melody he made for RM for a future group song.

He could have repurposed this or something.

When Jin talked about V vs JM's Christmas song and kept repeating how much he preferred Jimin's song to Tae's because Jimin"s was bright and upbeat, he made sure to clarify he wasn't implying Tae's song was bad. He was just indicating preference.

I won't lie, I was happy he preferred my bias's song but it made my VMin heart ache a little.

V and JM made very different songs, they shouldn't be compared to eachother in that way.

I don't like competitions. And I don't like when two artists are pit against eachother- which is exactly what these two versions of the bridge is doing out here.

I will literally die if in an interview JM is asked about his part and JK isn't. I can't do this😭

Those saying JM's is better make me sick, and those saying JK's is better make me nauseous. They both great. Point blank purr.

What's even more heartbreaking is hearing how excited he really was to share that bit with Army. Dude's eyes was glistening and everything. His bunny smile! 😥

Thats what makes this very hard for me.

The JJK in me is overjoyed and excited that he is doing things that make him really happy. I'm proud of him.

But the PJM in me just😕

I even feel more guilty that I prefer JM's version this time around😭😭😭😭

I feel like I'm betraying JK🤧

I was so happy seeing JM recieve all the love and attention I know he deserves.

Then here comes his boyfriend

'Hold up what about me!' Lol.

Imagine if RM releases the version of Blue and grey he made for Tae and it turns out we prefer that to the version Tae chose💀

Imagine that.

This has been a recurring theme throughout late 2020 to date. Jk's been choosing authenticity and self interests and passions over anything else and I couldn't be more happy for him.

Like we discussed, he's been learning to compromise too lately, which is great.

But honey this is a red flag. Deadass.

To me anyways😏

I've been a strong advocate for a certain level of independence and detachment in Jikook's dynamics because they lowkey exhibited codependency tendencies in their dynamics which is great for us shippers but not so great in the long run for their relationship or them as individuals .

Maybe I'm thinking out loud and prematurely here. I mean we are only beginning to have intimate access to their raw unscripted selves.

I don't think it's not that much of a big deal. RM and JM have equally shared their own versions of fake love on the internet but it is an interesting development in their dynamic to me.

I remember how happy JM was about his version of fake love, and it remains to date one of my favorite beats even though he was just spewing nonsense on that track. Lol.

He was so excited when he shared it with JK and Jin. He said when he showed it to JK the first time, JK said he loved it very much- how loving and supportive is that!

More of this please. Thank you.

PMS is a bitch y'all🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Has me in my feels about this.

I'm pretty sure JM is the one that even encouraged him to share his part in the first place. Won't put it past him.

'Ya Jungkook, release your version too'

'Army will love it'

'Right but I don't want it to seem like- Goldy is crazy you know'

'Goldy who now?'

'What about the thirteen year old fans-'

'Aht aht aht Who cares about them.'

Lmho.

I mentioned a few times on here how I felt JM seemed to have been demanding 'space' and a little bit of breathing room in their dynamic which was causing a little bit of tension here and there middle 2019 through to March last year and it all sounds like drama and speculation but...

May be if I told y'all I am a witch and my analysis of their relationship is based on mediums, phantom whisperers, empathetic readings or tarot cards y'all will leave me alone?🤥

Y'all don't seem to have a problem with the witches and empaths who be doing the same shit I do out here😒

Like we are all 'reading' these mens!

There's nothing wrong with 'psychoanalytically' evaluating a ship you know? Chilee.

Imma call myself a witch if it will get y'all off my back😹😹😹😹

I mentioned JK equally embarking on his own journey to assert himself within the group and within the relationship due to this?

But damn I did not see this one coming.

This is a red flag for me. And no, it doesn't mean they are broken up or having issues in their relationship.

Jk's TMI indicates they still been spending a lot of time together.

This is just a sign there's too much independence in their dynamic now- if you know what I mean.

Relationships flourish based on how attached we are to people- too much attachment is a problem, too little attachment is equally bad.

Jikook have always had a problem with over attachment in their dynamics in my opinion, to the point it was lowkey unhealthy- the jealousy, not being able to 'act professionally' within a group and work environment, having problems with being separated however briefly, constantly wanting to be where the other is etc.

Less attachment isnt necessarily a bad thing either. It means less of all the 'toxic' aspects of their relationship that over attachment brings but too much of that too can trigger anxiousness and insecurity and resentment.

Especially if one of them hates change. Cough Jimin.

With that comes all the wild aspects of love such as possessiveness, jealousy and I know JM doesn't do too well in that department...

In my opinion, I see JM as having a problem when JK breathes down his neck emotionally speaking, and at the same time he has a problem when he is too emotionally distant.

All this is interesting to me.

Who do I need to talk to to give me more of Jikook interactions individually or jointly?

I want to see more of their interactions beyond the overly staged, dramatized fanservice and official content.

Spending a lot of time around eachother and eating each other's ramen- pun intended, does not reflect on how intimate you are.

Intimacy requires depth and depth requires attachment.

How you treat eachother's needs and goals, dreams and desires is equally indicative of the intimacy in your relationship.

That has always been one distinctive quality of Jikook's ship.

And so I wonder the thought process that went into this decision. I know JM wouldn't object to JK sharing things like these or doing things that make him happy even if it has the potential to impact his own shine in any way.

Jikook don't compete against eachother.

I keep saying this.

Remember when I said I found it sus that JK was lying there staring at JM with his hands in between his legs?

Did yall see what the run editors said when JM and JK went up against each in the pool?

'Jikook don't play by the rules'

Jimin had to push JK in the water to end whatever ancient sex ritual foreplay rooted in kamasutra they had going on. Bless him.

And in so doing, he lost to JK.

Whenever they go up against eachother, one of them intentionally lose even though they are both very competitive.

Isn't that why JK said he'd rather 5 Jms so he can watch them compete against eachother?

When JK first made that post, I felt it was out of pettiness or a move to 'humble' JM.

I thought of when he'd posted that photo of himself with a hickey after JM had 'dated' him during the JinMinKook live.

I rolled my eyes and asked, 'what yall gays up to this time?' Why you out here humbling your man?

Anywho chilee we will never know.

At ease.

Signed,

GOLDY

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atlas-of-a-human-soul · 4 years

Text

No strings attached (G.D./E.D.)

Summary: When his brother gets married, Grayson is there for his best friend who happens to be Ethan’s ex and the one who got away. However, when she suggests they start a no strings attached relationship with the sole purpose of having a baby together, Grayson is quick to accept for he had loved her his whole life and maybe...just maybe, she loves him too. And while she struggles to move on, remembering the twin who had broken her heart, Ethan complicates everything when he admits he still has feelings for her.

Warnings: angst, fluff, SMUT (unprotected sex), cheating, alcohol, swearing..

Word count: 18k+

"You came." It didn't feel like a statement, more like a gasp that passed his lips in a moment of weakness because seeing her had rattled his self-made gilded cage.

"Grayson insisted." Y/N forced a polite smile, but she couldn't fool Ethan. Not when he had taught her how to fake a smile because she was always too honest and wore her heart on her sleeve. She was too pure to be able to deceive people, so he showed her how and he never expected he'd be hit with a fake smile from her heavenly lips he loved to kiss.

"Oh." It's more of a sigh, a heaviness that pushes down on his chest and makes it harder for him to breathe. It’s been about ten years since they were truly alone and he never thought the next time they would find themselves alone would be in a barn right after he vowed to spend his life with another.

"Is there a reason you wanted to talk to me or are you here just to stare?" Her sharp tongue had caught him by surprise, but he didn't mean her harm, surely she knew that? He simply couldn't help himself once he saw her leave in need of solitude, his own need to speak to her too dire to resist the temptation.

"I'm not sure. I just...when I saw you, I felt my heart stop and everything I didn't want to remember came rushing back. I felt like I'm twenty again, standing in front of you with my heart in my hand and you breaking it all over again." The last thing he wanted was to start an argument, especially not one that's ten years old and something he should have left in the past. His conviction of that is confirmed when her impassive face slowly changes from disbelief, to frustration, to rage.

"I broke your heart?!" Control she tried to hold onto had dispersed as his words reopened wounds she tried hard to close for a decade and failed inevitably.

How can one move on from a man she considered to be the one? No one compares, even now as he's pushing her buttons on a day she felt herself shatter. Even when he had chosen another over her, time and time again, he couldn't let her go. He either loved her too much or not enough.

"You're so full of shit, Ethan. Always were." With a shake of her head, she couldn't do it. She couldn't stand there and rehash the painful past he had left her burdened with. She came for closure, not to be reminded of the cruel nature of their lover's death.

"Me? I'm full of shit?! I stood there, making an eternal vow to someone I always thought would be you, but it never happened! Kristina isn't you!" Shouting at her as she tries to pass him by and get as far away as possible, Ethan grabbed her wrist on instinct and pulled her back to face him. When he did that in the past, she'd always smile and kiss him, tell him all she ever wanted was to know he cares enough to fight for her and their argument would be over, but not this time. There was no room for forgiveness in her eyes and her hate for him was brighter than the fire she held for him before.

“Be honest. We could have worked out.” Her eyes narrow at him when his words grip her heart and mind, pulling her back to a time when she was such a fool for him. From the moment he first kissed her, she was slowly losing herself in him.

"And I'm to blame?" She scoffed, ripping her hand out of his hold with a scowl on her face. Rubbing her wrist to soothe the ache that couldn't compare to the real pain he's caused her, she draws in a short breath.

"You left to Australia to figure things out and disappeared for a month! You brought a girl with you halfway across the world, quarantined together! You started dating her before ever telling me we were finished and then I was expected to be your friend? Fuck that and fuck you." The darkness in her voice is easy to imagine festering inside her for years, yet Ethan never realized she saw it like that.

He could see the pain written in her teary eyes, on her slightly wrinkled forehead and in her trembling lips. He could see the anguish he caused her and yet he found himself torn to pieces by all the plans for the future he had for them that never came true. Years have gone by and somehow, by a cruel twist of fate, she had grown into an enchanting, gorgeous woman and he still had a weakness for her.

"I was at the airport, naive enough to think the online chatter were baseless rumors, but I saw you kiss her." Swallowing thickly, Y/N found it hard to breathe. "And I guess it was fate for you...after all, you did marry her today." She shrugs, wiping a tear before it even started its path down her cheek, likely her last stubborn act to protect her pride and flawless makeup.

"I wish I didn't. I...thought you'd call, or come. I left you a ticket to come for my birthday and you never did. I just thought you were done with me. I thought our time apart had turned into a break and she was there...she was good to me.” Running a hand through his hair, Ethan could hardly breathe with the way she looked at him, her presence is just as intoxicating now as it was back then.

“Why didn't you tell me? If you told me you cared, I'd have left her in a heartbeat, even today. Even now." Ethan sighs, leaning closer to the woman he should have fought for, the woman of his dreams and the one he had told his father was his soulmate. Perhaps it's his stubbornness or his pride that blinded him to her feelings that persisted for so long, but no matter what it was, he had no excuse. He should have fought for her.

"How convenient for you." But she wasn't forgiving now as she usually is and she had no more heart left to give this man who had gambled her trust away. Not after the damage he had caused and left her alone to deal with the rubble.

"Go back to your lovely wife, Ethan. She deserves a faithful husband." With a slight push of her palms against his chest, Y/N had done what she should have done long ago - she let Ethan go and finally, for the first time in forever, she could breathe fresh air again.

Her head hurt and the old scars burned, but as she walked away, her soul was made anew - light and open to new beginnings, something she avoided. She had pushed away every man that got too close, afraid to be hurt again. Now, she found herself ready to try again.

"Tired?" Grayson raised an eyebrow as he took one good look at her glistening eyes and realized how draining the day must have been for her. Every time he asked, he'd get the generic "I'm fine" answer and a smile he could see through, but he let her pretend if it meant she'd get through the day alive. He saw her wither, mourn for his brother for years and it pained him too much for it to be healthy, but he felt her pain personally.

"Exhausted." She mustered a real smile for her best friend, opening her arms wide to give him the biggest hug just for being him. She might have lost Grayson for a while when Ethan first broke her heart and it was mostly because she needed time to heal but they quickly found their way back to each other and despite them moving away in different parts of the country, the pair stayed in contact and always made sure to meet every few months if their lives took them away for longer periods of time.

"But I'm glad I came. It felt good to let the old grudges go." She tightens her hold on Grayson, her hands resting on his strong back as his muscles relax under her fingertips and she can only smile in content. She never felt as warm or safe like she did in his arms. He's always been the man that made her smile, even when she was going through hell. Happy or sad, angry or stressed, he was there to lighten the mood and she always appreciated him for it.

"Wanna have a movie night and get a bit drunk?" Grayson suggests, more than aware of her sudden burst of giggles at the thought of him drinking alcohol.

"You don't drink." She reminds him, continuing to chuckle, covering her mouth with her right hand, something Grayson hated. He always thought she had the most beautiful smile and yet, at some point, Y/N felt deeply insecure about it and it drove him mad because it deprived him of the most mesmerizing view.

"I'll drink a few with you. I'll even let you throw popcorn at every cheesy romance scene on TV." With a small smirk, Grayson pulled her closer to him, stealing a second hug for his soul, but to reassure her as well.

"Let's go." She mumbled into his shirt before separating, allowing Grayson to open her door as he always insisted. She appreciated the gesture more than he knew. Grayson is a perfect gentleman and she couldn’t help but question why he’s been single for so long. In fact, he never had a real relationship since they met.

Driving away to Y/N's hotel room, just to make sure no one comes looking for them at the Dolan house, the pair were unaware of wandering eyes of a drunk, desperate groom who felt his rage swell inside his chest with every beat of his bleeding heart.

They drove in silence, music filling the air to prevent any awkwardness although they never had those moments...unless the time Grayson walked in on a naked Y/N in the shower back when they first met at eighteen counts. Aside from a bruise he got from running into a wall instead of the door as he apologized profusely, Grayson found it hard to look at her at all without being flooded with inappropriate thoughts.

"Make yourself comfortable." She tells him the moment she walks into her hotel room, dropping her bag by the door, throwing her heels off within the next two steps. Her heels remained tossed close to the door, like a hazard Grayson was sure would make him sorry he didn't put them in the place neatly for her, but the moment he saw her unzip her dress and it fell to the floor around her sore feet, his brain no longer functioned properly.

With a single move of her fingers, she unhooked her bra as well, throwing it behind her with a loud exhale of relief and while she told Grayson to get comfortable, he could hardly move. Hell, he could hardly breathe as his heart picked up speed and his dick soon felt the accelerated blood flow as it twitched in his pants, aching for release.

She was quick to put on a loose shirt, leaving her with an almost covered ass and those curvy legs of hers available to his curious, hungry gaze that couldn’t ignore the lacy green panties she had on.

"I have a bottle of wine I wanted to gift the newlyweds, but fuck them. They're getting married and starting their life, they don't need quality wine! We do!" Rambling, she grabbed a few glasses that clinked as she carried them, placing them on the table before settling on the couch, only then noticing a very stiff looking Grayson who still stood by the door.

"Are you okay?" She tilts her head to the right with the slightest inkling of worry in her eyes, looking him over for signs he may need help - top to bottom, only to pause in the middle as his problem became evident.

Swallowing thickly, she bites her bottom lip as Grayson rubs the back of his neck nervously, ashamed of his current situation but she only chuckles, rolling her eyes.

"I'll take it as a compliment, now get out of those uncomfortable clothes and drink with me." She orders, opening the bottle with a slight pop before she pours herself a full glass and half a glass to her best friend. Better to pace him than have him drunk within an hour.

"If you're not here in a minute, I'll rip those clothes off you myself." Fixing her eyes on his situation once more, she raises a brow with her very own curiosity playing games with her mind. "With my teeth." She adds coyly, watching Grayson squirm, unable to ignore the red tint in his cheeks.

Quickly, Grayson takes her advice...or better yet, order, getting into nothing but his boxers, stumbling over her hazardously tossed shoes before sitting next to her.

"I don't have anything else to wear." He groans, too aware of his hard on being distinctly impossible to hide now, even as he placed both hands over it.

"I'll crank up the heat so you’re not cold. It's fine. We're friends. If you want to cover up, you can use the blanket, but I promise you I'm not insulted or anything. If I'm anything, it's horny and that won't be happening, so..." Trailing off, she shrugs with disappointment in her small smile and for the first time in forever, Grayson saw an opening. It's something he had held back on, but he didn't have it in him to keep denying himself the woman he had desired for so long he no longer found anyone else worthy of his time for more than one night.

Stature of limitations can't possibly be effective after one party is married, right? Besides, Ethan had simply gotten to her first when in fact, it was Grayson she first met.

"I wouldn't take that watch. It's a knockoff." Grayson couldn't help himself. Not only was the person in question drop dead gorgeous, she also picked up a watch he made a mistake on a year ago and it was a rather hefty check he gambled in the process.

"I'm aware. But thank you." She didn't look back, tired of men and their mansplaining, and definitely tired of men flirting. She wasn't exactly popular with guys she likes, but for some unknown reason, guys she didn't like had a tendency to be very persistent in winning her affections.

"So why buy it then?" However, Grayson was never one to give up and he had no intention of letting this woman go without asking her name first.

"Because my budget allows for a counterfeit, nothing more and I still want it to look fancy." At this point, Grayson knew he was the last person this girl wanted to talk to, but as he opens his mouth to apologize, she turns to him with grace he believed to be magical and her eyes met his.

As cliché it may be, Grayson thought time stopped...even if he was standing in the middle of a shop filled with clocks that could easily prove him wrong but he never felt it before - can a heart literally skip a beat when you meet the person you're meant to be with?

"What if I can give you a fancy, original watch and all you'd have to do is make me a dinner?"

Looking back, he saw how that might have made her feel like he's giving her an immoral offer, but at the time, she was desperate and he was handsome as hell. She saw it as a win and agreed with the widest, most beautiful smile - the first time he ever saw her smile and a sight she didn't cover up back then.

Little did he know Ethan would end up being there as well, crashing their date and soon enough, stealing her right under his nose.

So yes, maybe he didn't give a shit if Ethan is okay with it, this was finally his time to shine. If it's not too late considering she seems to be in love with Ethan even now after he betrayed her over and over again.

"Can you believe Ethan got married before us?" Already tipsy, Y/N chuckles in disbelief, leaning closer to Grayson as she holds her second glass of wine close to her chest. She wasn't much of a drinker either, but she needed some alcohol to get through the night.

"I mean, I always thought it would be you. He used to tell me he isn't fond of the idea of marriage but when we have kids and all that he'd be okay with us getting married." Taking a big chug, she nearly chokes on the wine, coughing as Grayson pats her back lightly. He used to think he’d be the first to get married too, but he gave up on the notion.

"Remember when we made that deal?" It suddenly dawned on her as Grayson reminded her of something she buried in the furthest parts of her mind.

"Before you and Ethan got together, we were sitting on the roof, watching the stars?" Grayson continues and she hums, acknowledging him.

"I said I'd marry you if we were thirty and single." She didn't expect the smile that appeared on her lips nor the honest emotion that took over. They were only eighteen when they made the deal after she and Ethan got into an argument about him buying her expensive gifts she had never asked for before they were even dating officially.

"We're almost thirty now." Stating, she turned completely to Grayson, her eyes taking in his naked torso before continuing.

"We don't have to get married or anything, but don't you want kids?"

Rubbing his forehead, Grayson couldn't help but feel he's too sober for this conversation.

Does he want kids? More than anything!

Did he think he'd be nearly thirty and alone? Never.

"Yes. I know where you're going with this and no. You're drunk, you're not thinking soundly so we can't go down that road." Grayson sighs, moving back to give her some space and create a little distance between them, but she quickly grabs his hand and holds him in place.

"I had two glasses of wine, don't be so dramatic.” Rolling her eyes at him before her face falls, Y/N sighs.

“Grayson, I can feel my biological clock ticking and my womb is crying for a baby to carry. I want this and I honestly can't imagine anyone I'd rather do it with than you. You are daddy material. I've always loved that about you." Taking his hand in hers, she inched closer with a slight smile pushing onto her face.

"We are best friends. We can't just have a baby and act nothing happened. IVF would be brutal anyway." Grayson is trying his best to be the voice of reason. He had a sip of wine, but not nearly enough to ignore that she might be doing this because she can't watch Ethan move on with his life in a very definite way and be happy for him.

Is he supposed to be her distraction from the pain?

"Who said anything about IVF? We could have sex, right here, right now. Repeat it a few times to be sure over the next week and that's all. After that, no sex or romantic feelings. We'd be co-parenting, and if we meet someone else along the way, we'll figure it out as we go."

And maybe he's had more than a sip, perhaps even a whole bottle if he's seriously considering her offer, but then again, he's drunk off her. He's in love with her and he has been for ten years and she's giving him a chance to have her, even if it's for a week, and a chance to be in her life for as long as they both live. Perhaps it's nothing compared to what he wished for, but it's undeniably everything in this particular moment where her bare thigh is rubbing against his and her palm is set on his arm, her eyes boring into his soul as her plump lips quiver with desire.

She's looking at him like she wants to do more than just make a baby - she's looking at him like a man she's passionately interested in and it's a look he's waited a lifetime to see in her eyes.

So, despite all reason and better judgement, Grayson smiles before pulling her onto his lap. "I'm in."

Resting her forehead on his, she draws in a shaky breath. "No strings attached?"

Reluctantly, he confirms. "No strings attached."

Little did they know they would be tangled in all the strings the moment their lips touch.

That first taste of his lips made her heart shiver, her hands shaky as his fill up with her ass, feeling him squeeze as his tongue swipes her bottom lip. Wasting no time, she grants him access, pushing down on his lap until his hard-on pressed against her inner thigh and she can't help the moan that passes her lips nor the brazen curiosity her hands indulge in. Her palms travel down his chest, her left one remaining on his neck as the right one continues on its journey to his hardened member, drawing in a deep breath as his hands move up to the small of her back, warm against her skin.

"So warm." She managed to mumble against his lips, her hand finally reaching his aching bulge, hastily palming him until he breaks their kiss, groaning with unrestrained desire and his control wavers.

"A-are you sure? We still have time to stop and just watch a movie." No matter how it pained him, Grayson couldn't go through with it without making sure she's not going to regret it. He didn't want to be the guy that used her in a vulnerable state and he never wanted to taint the friendship they had before he tasted her lips for the first time in his life. And just one taste of her was enough to mark him hers. He couldn't get enough.

Pausing, she cups his cheeks and bores her eyes in his, the clock ticking in the background only sound beside their strained breaths filling the silence. She couldn't believe he doubted her, although she understood why he's apprehensive.

For a moment, Y/N worried he may find her unattractive, or someone already tarnished due to her relationship with his brother and yet, when she looked into his chocolate brown eyes, Y/N only saw concern for her. He cares enough to handle blue balls if she's in any way doubtful of their unexpected actions. But then again, somehow, Y/N found it as anything but unexpected.

"Never been as sure as I am now."

Reconnecting their lips again, she found herself immersed in him, fully lost and consumed by no one but Grayson Dolan. His hands on her body, his tongue locked in an intense, fiery tango with hers, his penis already visible through his briefs and her own unquenchable desire and longing taking over as she pulls her shirt up, breaking the kiss long enough to pull it off her head and reveal her breasts - nipples hard and ready just as she is.

If there's anything she's sure of is that all her sense of self disappeared when his mouth captured her left breast, his hands slipping past her waistband, flicking her clit as soft moans betray her pleasurable need for him.

"I can't", she shuddered, breathing hard as his open mouthed kisses left a burning trail on her collarbone and she knew she was done for.

"Please, Gray." She struggled to keep herself sane as his fingers picked up speed and a scream erupted from deep inside her chest and he smirked against her neck. Sensitive, needy and ready to comply, she leaned her head on his shoulder while he worked his magic.

"Tell me. Tell me what you want." He teased her, slowly building her up to her first orgasm and he wanted her shaking and wet when he starts having his way with her. She would surely need it.

"You. I. I want you. Inside me. Take me, please." She pleaded, her eyes closed as he picks her up and moves toward the bed, her legs wrapped around him as she rubs herself against him for friction though he didn't stop his hands from making her moan. Try as she might, she couldn't hold them back.

Placing her on the mattress, he smirked before lowering his head to her thighs, gripping her lacy green panties with his teeth before ripping them in a single move. He craved to see them, but the satisfaction he got from tearing them off her was unparalleled.

"What?!" She didn't get to scold him for his lips have found their way onto her sensitive nerve bundle, sucking as his fingers delved inside where she needed him the most. Her hands weaved in his hair, pulling at the stray locks with quivering in her lower abdomen as her breathing became short, coming in gasps of pure ecstasy and her thighs trembled as Grayson's hands gripped her hips and kept her in place when she tried to move away. She pulled at his hair a little too hard, but Grayson didn't mind - loss of control means she's lost in the feelings he had provided her with, only fueling his unbelievable thirst for her solicited moans he only ever heard in his dreams or something close to them whenever she ate something she really liked.

He's relentless, unforgiving and a generous lover and while her mind is forming incoherent thoughts about all the unforgettable ways his tongue moves, all she can say is his name - fervently, unapologetically screaming his name as her orgasm makes her lose all control and instead of simply enjoying the entrancing beauty of the moment his name falls from her lips and her body shakes in his arms, Grayson frees his dick at last, nearly crying out once he pushes himself inside, catching the last wave of her clenching walls, enjoying how firmly her hands grip his arms as he slowly fills her up.

"You're so beautiful." He whispers in her ear as he pauses for her to adjust, slowly inching his way inside her until she's all full and even she can tell it will be a hot minute before he bottoms out.

“So, so perfect.”

Her mind is a little clearer, too aware of his wet lips at her jaw, littering her with kisses as his body weight presses her further into the mattress. She's hooking her leg around his waist, aiding him in his effort to bring her to a new orgasm once again, the new one hopefully fruitful for them both. Her arms fold around him, bringing him closer until his chest falls on hers, no room left between them - their hearts wildly beating fast, allowing them to feel every beat as Grayson lift his head up and their eyes meet again.

Sliding further inside, her mouth falls open as a sigh leaves her involuntarily, making him smirk vainly and the smugness in his eyes only made him more appealing.

It was impossible to ignore how intimate the moment is, how neither of them want to part. Had it been a simple 'let's have a baby' deal, it would have been all business, in and out in minutes, but this was all pleasure and they both knew it. And this was a first for both of them in a sense – their first time without condoms, feeling their partner without any barriers.

"Are you in?" She couldn't help but feel a little self-conscious, the liquid courage gone as he holds her in his embrace - bare in every sense of the word, but she trusts him with all her heart.

"Not yet." Grayson chuckles when her eyes widen at his statement, aware she's thinking about how big he is and how she's probably worried he wouldn't fit but as he adjusts and slides in further, finally bottomed out, he smirks when she gasp at the slight thrust. Pecking the left corner of her lips, their noses brush together as he whispers.

"Now I am." That's when he's moving, leisurely with confidence, building her back up only to stop and make her whimper and he couldn't help but feel proud he's managed to get her to ask for more...to ask for him.

"Gosh, you're such a tease!" She exclaimed, half out of her mind as her hands grip his ass to control his speed and depth and still, he's unmovable, cocky and yet too afraid of losing the reigns of himself. He can't act anymore, no pretense left.

This night has been everything he wanted for so long that he can't even hide it. It's in his eyes, on his lips, in the gentle touch of his fingertips on her skin and the strength of his arms around her, but the way he's taking his time and making every moment count for her? It's proof enough that this is more than a casual fuck.

"What's so wrong in never wanting this to end?"

But she can't hide it either, his words had undone the last of her restraints. He can see it in the way she pushes his matted hair back from his face to better look into his warm, loving eyes, in her genuine smiles, the way she pulls him close and won't let up or the way she says his name as if it's her favorite word.

Y/N realized she would never quite be able to forget the way he makes her feel after years of pushing down feelings she told herself are forbidden - that she had loved him first, before Ethan, before anyone else - terrified to remember, forbidden to forget.

She did it for Ethan, but now? She had no reason to hide.

And as the moment passed, urgency took over and Grayson no longer held back. Long, fast strokes replaced the slow, gentle ones and neither of them could think any longer. Forgoing everything, their moans and grunts and whimpers filled the room as Grayson pounded into her and while she loved when he was gentle with her, she couldn't get enough his rougher, harder way to get her to the finish line.

He gripped at every part of her he could get while she held onto him for dear life, her nails making marks as she finished first but he wasn't too far behind. Once he felt her walls clenching once again and the warmth enveloping him, he was faster, jerkier and insatiable. Biting into his shoulder as her orgasm shook loose all the feelings she kept hidden, Grayson finally came inside, filling her up as he laid on top of her, keeping his weight off with his elbows.

"Don't move." She whispered in his ear, her fingers playing with the hair at the back of her neck as he came down from his high, sweaty and pleasantly exhausted, but already craving the next time.

And even when he went limp inside, pulling out, Grayson’s head remained on her chest as she played with his hair, falling asleep to the sound of her heartbeat.

When morning came and her eyes opened, the night before was just a haze. An arm wrapped around her weights her down - it offers warmth, intimacy, a sense of belonging. It's there to remind her what she thought was just a dream - a deal she had made with her best friend that didn't have too much to do with the excuse she used but a genuine question she needed an answer to - what if she was always chasing the wrong brother?

After all, it was Grayson she met first, found handsome and sexy as hell enough to agree to cook him dinner in his own home. She wanted him to make a move so bad, to grab her and kiss her but he never did and Ethan wasn't shy about the attention he gave her. She was reluctant at first, holding off on agreeing to even a date with Ethan until she lost hope. So if Grayson didn't like her even though she had given him more than one chance to say or do something, Ethan did. She waited too long for him to stop her from going out with his twin.

He never did.

"Since you're vegan, I made you vegetable soup and pasta and a carrot cake, all vegan of course." She's perky, excited and a tad shy about the food she placed before him. The worry behind her eyes over his silence had alerted him to smile, widely and with heart.

"I love it." He exclaimed, making her give him a pointed look.

"You didn't even try it yet." She chuckled when he shrugged and started tasting everything.

"I love it and I tasted it all too!!" It was hard not to enjoy Grayson's company, it was all easy as breathing with him. Such a rare feeling in this world, yet one she promised herself would remain in her life in any shape or form.

And by the end of their dinner, it was already too late. Or so Grayson thought because the moment Ethan walked in and sat next to the girl he believed was on a date with, the atmosphere change had made Grayson dejected and he felt like the third wheel.

"Do you believe in love at first sight?" Ethan asked her and Grayson wanted to snort before shooing him away, especially when he saw Y/N look at his brother in disbelief.

"No." She replied, raising an eyebrow when Ethan suddenly stood up and left. Glancing at Grayson, Y/N silently wondered what the hell happened only to be interrupted when Ethan took the chair on her other side and flashed her a charming smile.

"What about second look?"

And when Y/N laughed out loud, first real laughter Grayson heard, it was for his brother, not him. Ethan was always the more charming one, the one who attracts girls without trying and soon after, he'd watch his brother take the only girl he ever wanted and he witnessed how he broke her heart as well.

But the night they just spent together reminded her of the sadness she felt when it became clear Grayson wouldn't be the brother she ends up with back then. She loved Ethan, still does, but it will never change that longing she always had for the younger Dolan.

Grayson felt her stir under his arm, his eyes fluttering open with a smile as he found his face is buried in her hair and the heavenly lilac scent invading his senses is hers. Memories of the night before had made his morning wood that much worse and while he wanted more than anything to just slide back in between her folds, he couldn't make things awkward in case she's changed her mind.

He still remembers when he found out she was going out with Ethan, not him, making him wonder if he was always just meant to be a bridge that binds them together. He wondered if he'd be able to watch them fall in love and maybe even get married, but it didn't feel like he has a choice.

"Can I talk to you about something?" He could tell she's serious and tormented about the subject at hand, confusing him from the start. It's only been three months since they met and she's become his favorite person within the first hour of knowing her but he feared she'd be bored of him soon and there wasn't much he couldn't handle, but that would definitely leave a mark.

"Sure." Instead of smiling, Grayson grimaced involuntarily, making her frown as she sat beside him, a little stiffer than she usually acts around him.

"It's about your brother." She started and Grayson groaned immediately.

"What did he do?!"

"He asked me out...again." She chuckled at the last bit, shyly looking at her fidgety hands in her lap, unable to meet his eyes.

"I'm thinking about accepting." She sighed, forcing herself to face Grayson, anticipating anger or a jealous fit, anything to prove he cares, yet all he did was swallow thickly, loud enough for her to hear as he scratched his forehead absentmindedly.

"Didn't realize you guys were getting so close." Grayson tried to remain calm, not to lash out because this girl is beautiful, funny, clever and while she's incredibly strong she seems painfully vulnerable and he didn't want to scare her.

"We're not, but he's persistent and I'm out of excuses." She shrugged, deciding not to tell him about the way Ethan makes her feel. It wasn't exactly the same as Grayson, but he was witty and charming and handsome and willing to actually love her and she couldn't wait around for Grayson to remove her from the friendzone forever.

"I'll tell him no if you can give me one reason not to do this." Hopeful, she placed her hand on his knee and waited for the youngest Dolan to speak up and claim her for himself. She waited for him to tell her he loves her and he never wants to be without her...hell, she'd settle for him saying he likes her, but he remained silent and Ethan arrived just in time.

"Hey." Ethan smiled widely, his arm outstretched as his hand opened for her to take and with a final glance, she turned to Grayson in anticipation of any action that would give her an excuse to stay. But nothing happened.

"Hey." She smiled back at Ethan, taking her hand from Grayson's knee and placing it in Ethan's hand reluctantly.

From that moment on, she promised herself to stop her silly fantasies about Grayson, to stop reading too much into his lingering looks or continuous touches and flirting and all the times he had made her heart skip a beat. She promised herself she'd give Ethan a chance and as she departed with him, she did not look back. And she wouldn't for the next ten years, but for Grayson that moment was different.

When her hand left his knee, the cold that settled in had left him craving that warmth for the next ten years - yearning for her touch as much as he does for a fresh breath of air, forever wondering what Ethan had that he didn't. And it wouldn't be the last time he sees them walking away together, the only difference is the distance between them as they do. With time, they grew closer, no longer simply walking side by side but they'd have their arms around one another, they'd kiss, or playfully push around or chase each other and laugh until they both cried. It happened slowly, but it took her away from him, piece by piece until she was truly happy with Ethan, her feelings real and her dreams changed to fit the man she's with.

"Morning." He whispered in her hair, careful just in case she's still asleep so he wouldn't wake her. However, the moment he speaks is pivotal for her, making her turn in his embrace a little too excitedly with a perky smile upon her lips.

"Morning." She smiles at him with glee, throwing her leg over him shamelessly as she brings herself closer to him.

"Woah. Thought you're not a morning person?" Grayson chuckles, his raspy morning voice making her horny all over again and she has trouble stopping herself from initiating anything again.

"Maybe I just had no one to be a morning person with." She challenges, but it only reminded her of Ethan, the grumpier twin that never liked mornings and could only ever be swayed into getting up earlier if she woke him up with kisses or possibly even morning sex.

"Interesting." Grayson raised his eyebrow, ignoring the implication of her words before his hand settled on her hip, finding his fingertips formed bruises.

"Fuck, did I do that?!” Pulling the covers off, Grayson scanned her body carefully with disgust for himself, ignoring her squeal. Despite being bold and freaky in the sheets the night before, Y/N couldn’t help the insecurities flooding her when Grayson got a good view of every single one of her imperfections under the unforgiving morning sun. She wondered if the disgust on his face is because of her belly rolls because she always struggled with her weight which also showed in the stretchmarks and cellulite some men found unappealing and she felt tears prick her eyes as his gaze lingered on certain parts of her body.

“I’m so sorry I hurt you. I swear I’ll be more careful next time.” Those words flew from his mouth before he had a chance to think of the implications. Next time means he wanted to be with her again, to take her as shamelessly as he did the night before but it also meant he was feeling guilty, maybe even remorseful.

“I’m not.” Interrupting his self-pity party, Y/N propped herself up on her elbows and smiled softly, her eyes taking his beauty in because as unforgiving as the morning sun may be on her, it’s definitely illuminating on him. The sun favors him for sure.

“I’m not sorry because you made me feel attractive, needed, loved. I’m not sorry because when you looked at me just now, it wasn’t because you wanted to see the weird moles I may have or the stretchmarks, but for possible signs you hurt me. When you only made me so, so happy.” Sitting up on her knees, her palms find their way onto his abs, trailing his skin with her thumbs as the rest of her fingers grab hold of him and pull him toward her.

“I’m your best friend and I might be carrying your child now. Trust me when I say that there isn’t anything I regret about last night. If anything, the bruises mean we had more fun than we anticipated.” She shrugs coyly, kinking an eyebrow until he finally bestows one smile upon her.

“It was more than just fun.” Grayson notes and she nods. She loved how his words disturbed the rhythm of her pulse. There was never a simple moment between the two of them, always carrying emotions too strong for them to ignore.

“I can tell. Your dick is sort of in my face.” She chuckles, glancing at his red tip already up for the job she absolutely hoped he’d take up.

Crimson cheeks that flushed with blood were enough for Y/N to realize Grayson feels too ashamed to ask so before he manages to say a single word, her tongue laps his tip and a strangled moan escapes him.

Smirking, a little braver, her hand wraps around his shaft, moving up and down with circular motion, her tongue teasing him as her best friend becomes undone, just as he did for her last night. She couldn’t help herself, desperate to hear his moans once again but to have him inside as well.

Pursing her lips slightly, she looks up with her doe eyes, moaning as she opens her mouth and lazily takes just the tip. She hollows out her cheeks around him, and he takes in a shaky breath. His breathing is fast, and she watches him as his eyes close and his head falls back, panting softly as she bobs her head up and down, trying to take as much as she can while moaning herself. Hearing him moan felt almost as good as sex.

“I can’t. You’re. Driving. Me. Crazy.” Grayson says between his shallow breaths, half thinking he should be looking for his inhaler instead of losing his patience. He teased her the night before and now she’s punishing him and he’s not ashamed to admit he doesn’t have it in him to persevere. So, when it feels like his heart will burst, Grayson pulls back before moving in on her without reserve.

“You think that was funny, don’t you?” His snappy attitude only makes it more amusing as she licks her lips and smiles, evident she had every intention of torturing him for a long period of time. Much longer than he could withstand.

“Next time you want to try that, make sure I’m tied down and unable to escape.” Grayson growls before pushing her back down on the mattress and she giggles because she got exactly what she wanted – for him to relinquish control and fuck her into the mattress like there’s no tomorrow.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” She winks as his lips hover above hers. He rubs his cock over her entrance, playing with the wetness, and she gasps and shudders when he rubs it over her clit.

“I’d be careful about starting games you can’t finish.” With that warning, he smiles arrogantly, and slowly pushes his head in. Kissing her hungrily, hard enough that she imagined he’d bruise her lips too.

She wasted no time in spreading her legs further to help him adjust. He slowly makes his way in, breaking the kiss only to let himself groan into the crook of her neck, pecking every inch of skin he could get close to. She was tighter than he anticipated, a little harder to penetrate than the night before but she was still willing as her patience resolved and she pushed herself up, switching their places.

A little wild and unexpected, but she made him fall hard. The view before him only made his breathing shallow, panting as she took it upon herself to impale herself fully until she cried out softly.

“Are you okay?” Grayson struggled to speak as his breath turned ragged, making her worry more.

“Should have trusted the speed you were going with.” She managed a smile for him, starting to move on top of him as his hands gripped her hips again and she whimpered when his fingers found their match on the bruises he left behind. However, as she moved, Grayson’s guidance became scarce and his grip weakened when his breathing got louder, enough to make her open her eyes and look at the stubborn man under her who valued pleasure over his ability to breathe.

“You need your inhaler.” She concluded, reaching over him to the nightstand he left it on last night since he needed it after they were done too.

Handing him the inhaler, Grayson took a few puffs before tossing it aside, flipping her back under him so quickly she squealed in surprise.

“Thanks, love. Now, let me have my way with you.” He thrusts fast inside her, pulling out halfway and pushing back into her, holding her hips with a strong grip. His strokes are getting more erratic, faster and harder than before. He pumps fast and hard, with reckless abandon for a few moments before his fingers make play with her clit, making her gasp and buck her hips up to meet every thrust he makes until it drove them to the edge of madness.

He grabs a fist full of the bedspread as he shudders, feeling her cum and scream his name pushing him over the edge as well, ending their insatiable desire for a little while – enough for them to eat something.

He plants kisses to the inside of her knees, and she giggles, pulling them away. He smiles at her, pulling himself up before collapsing beside her, both breathing heavily, happily exhausted as they stare at one another – sweaty, messy hair and lazy smiles on both their faces.

But then the phone rings, interrupting the moment of comfortable silence.

“Ignore it.” She urges him, but the incessant ringing is making them both nervous.

“What if something happened?” Grayson bites his bottom lip before reaching out to see who is calling, finding his mother’s name on the screen. After all, he didn’t come home at all and she had the right to worry about her son.

“Answer it.” Y/N encourages him, aware that she can’t hold him in that room indefinitely, though she wishes she could.

“Hello?” Y/N watched him nod, changing his facial expressions every few seconds.

“I stayed with Y/N. I really don’t want to come today.” Grayson rolls his eyes and Y/N slaps his arm for being rude, even if his mother couldn’t see him.

“No. I’m not. I don’t care.” Groaning, he tossed the phone aside, sitting up with his hands in his hair and a frown etched on his face.

“Everything alright?” Her voice is gentle, soothing, a comforting note in the mess his head’s in.

“Ethan and Kristina are having a lunch for close family and they want me to come and I really don’t want to go.” Grayson explains, sighing as Y/N drapes her arms around him, her hands clasping before him as she leans almost entirely on his back, her head resting on his shoulder as her face is turned to him, pecking his cheek.

“Go. He’s your brother. You should be there for him.” Y/N’s words make sense, but Grayson didn’t want to leave her alone. He didn’t want to spend a single minute away from her. Her touch kept him sane and the way her body fit his perfectly would haunt him whenever she wasn’t with him. He just knew it.

“Not without you. I…If we leave this room, it just feels…definite. Like, all the memories we made will have been for nothing and when that happens, you won’t be mine.” Swallowing thickly, Y/N understood perfectly what he means by that. In this moment, they’re in a protected bubble of their own and although they didn’t say it, it has nothing to do with the deal they made but actual feelings that had been long buried finally came to life. Leaving their bubble might make it all go away. She feared it too.

“If I agree to go…we need to talk first. Like…what are we going to tell them when I get pregnant?” She raised an eyebrow as his hands gripped hers, pulling them apart before swiftly pulling her under his arm and onto his lap.

“I want to say we dated. At least for a little while.” No. He wanted to ask her to date him now. He wanted to ask her to be his, but she said no strings attached and he had no right to go back on that unless she asked him to.

“Okay. But Ethan might be an issue. You two basically lived together.” She reminds him, trying to keep a faint smile present though she wished he’d just stop this nonsense and tell her he wants her.

Does he not feel the magnetic force they’ve been brought together with?

Does he not feel how they’re made for each other?

She wished she could go back and ignore the no strings attached clause in their little agreement because she wanted all of him, all the strings attached.

“We spent weeks apart. I’ll just say it felt awkward and we wanted to be low-key but the pregnancy caught us by surprise.” He’s making these lies up too quickly, too well for her to ignore and she can’t help but wonder how he became a good liar. The Grayson she remembers had always been easy to read but he felt different now.

“Okay.” She hums in response, struggling to ignore his penis brushing against her bare ass.

“I need a shower.” She states, noticing him wiggle his eyebrows. “What?”

“Wanna save some water and shower together?” And while he’s cheesy as hell, she couldn’t help but love it – love him.

“Mom, dad, this is Y/N. My girlfriend.” Y/N had been dreading this moment for months, ever since she realized Ethan is serious about her and his jokes about her meeting his parents were anything but jokes.

“You’re beautiful.” Cameron noted, furrowing her eyebrows before looking at Ethan. “How did you trick her into dating you?”

And while the day went off without a hitch, his parents loving her, Y/N couldn’t help but worry she didn’t really fit in. She worried they pretended to like her, for Ethan’s sake.

“She’s a great girl. Why are you so worried?” Y/N hid as she heard Ethan’s parents talk in hushed voices, realizing it’s about her and while it seemed she had the support of his father, his mother wasn’t as happy.

“She’s great. But I feel she’s more suited for Grayson that Ethan. That’s all.”

It’s been a very long time since the moment Y/N hid in the shed while she heard Ethan’s mother say she’s not confident she should be with her son. It was never that she didn’t like her, she just didn’t find her to be right for Ethan. She wondered how she accepted Kristina, if she ever thought she wasn’t the one for Ethan too. However, she remained grateful to his father for being her defender. He had faith in them and she still remembers Ethan telling him he would marry her one day.

But that never came to be and while it hurt yesterday, she felt at peace with that now. Grayson reminded her of things she forgot along the way and she couldn’t hold it against Lisa any longer because she was right – she wasn’t enough, she wasn’t the one for her son. But Grayson? She really hoped she would be.

“Ready?” Grayson’s voice broke her out of her trance, making her heart jump. Drawing in a deep breath, she nods before hooking her arm with Grayson’s.

However, when they got inside, they found there was no party at all.

“Ma?” Grayson called out for his mother but she wasn’t the one to appear.

“Our flight is earlier than expected.” Ethan leaned on the wall, eyeing the pair suspiciously. “The party is canceled. Mom went with Kris and Cam to buy some last minute necessities.”

Making brief eye contact, Y/N looked away swiftly to hide her true emotions. Ethan always said cheeky was good and allowed her the freedom to be herself. They laughed so much, even in the most inappropriate times, but of everything they ever did, it was looking in his eyes she loved the most. That's all they ever needed to connect, just them, just eyes, no words. So yes, she avoided his gaze like the plague.

“In that case, we should go.” Grayson clears the tension, hating how even after last night and that morning where he claimed her as his, Ethan could just look at her and she’d be lost to him.

“So soon?” Ethan quipped, pursing his lips because he felt something’s askew.

“Y/N’s going back to L.A. soon and I want to spend all the time we have together.” Grayson remarked, taking her hand in his before pulling her back with him, slowly but firmly.

“Have fun on your honeymoon. With your wife.” Grayson adds for good measure, reminding both Ethan and Y/N why it’s best they leave.

Taking her out of there, his hand on her lower back, Grayson made sure he was fast and he left no room for Ethan to make a play on her emotions.

“I’m fine.” She tells him before he has a chance to ask, basking in her glorious smile right after for she holds his hand tenderly and pulls him closer, her other hand grasping his shirt to pull him down and meet her brazen lips.

Without complaints, Grayson accepts her supple lips and closes his eyes to fully enjoy the moment, blind to more than one spectator for his mother, sister and sister in law arrived shortly as their kiss consumed them, but the pair paid no mind to the world around them as they parted and got into the car with one goal in mind – hotel room, no clothes and a lot of screaming and laughing for days to come.

Barely leaving the room, Grayson and Y/N enjoyed each other’s company. She had found herself happily nuzzled in his side regardless if it’s to steal a kiss, make him smile or simply to rest her head as they watch a movie. There appeared to be no limit to their attraction nor their need to taste each other. Grayson loved discovering every inch of her skin, as if he is mapping her body to commit to memory.

“Do you really have to go?” He whines, his face buried in between her breasts, leaving open mouth kisses along her sternum.

“I have a job to get back to. But you’re gonna be there in a month too and we’ll know if this worked or not by then.” She smiles as he huffs, playing with his hair – wrapping every lock around her fingertips.

“Don’t take the test before I come.” He pleads, but she agrees far too quickly.

“Unless I get symptoms, I won’t.” She sighs, looking up at the ceiling. “I wish I never had to leave this room.”

“Me too.” He whispers softly, looking up at her with adoration in his eyes. “I can’t wait to see you again.”

And while he said it would be a month when they parted with one last kiss at the airport, Grayson already started to scheme how to shorten that time and go see the woman he was convinced is pregnant with his baby. He felt it in his bones and he couldn’t wait for a full month.

So, he made different preparations instead – he made room for himself in the Los Angeles branch of the company he and Ethan ran from New Jersey, making sure he’d be there with her every step of the beautiful journey. And he had every intention of making her his, permanently, in that time as well.

Little did he know when he arrives there in twenty days, he’d find his Y/N on a date with someone else.

When he saw her hug another, his heart cracked and he felt his chest constrict. Grayson holds his breath behind pursed lips, his hands forming fists to stop the shaking. She wraps herself around him, too close for his liking and he can’t help but wonder if their time together really meant nothing to her at all. He had hoped she’d abolish the no strings rule, but he felt silly now. She’s gazing through her overly made-up eyes with her cloying vapidity, simpering softly until he tells a joke. Then she giggles like she's a child, slapping his chest playfully while Grayson is stuck in the background, watching her with someone new…or perhaps it’s someone old she never told him about.

He can't say anything about it, to do so will put their friendship at risk, and that is something he won't do. Friends like her don't come along too often. But then again, can he ever go back to just friends after he’s had her in every imaginable way? Friends don’t know how you taste and he knew every inch of her skin. He knew her.

Clearing his throat, Grayson decided not to be a bystander again. He would never sit back and watch her leave with another man again and if he has to, he will fight for her love. This won’t be history repeating itself – he vowed it before walking toward them in strides, to make sure the hug is the only intimacy they have time for.

“GRAYSON?!” Before he can even make his presence known, Y/N catches him from the corner of her eye as he approaches, pushing away the other guy in her excitement only to run straight for her best friend, jumping into his embrace unexpectedly enough to make Grayson stumble upon impact.

“OOf! Slow down, love.” Grayson’s jealousy subsides long enough for him to wrap his arms around her, pressing her closer until he can hardly breathe but air is the last thing he needs now. All he needs is her and that flowery scent of her beautiful hair as he’s once again buried in it.

“SHUT UP!” She yelled, making him wince because she quite literally screamed in his ear but he smiles nonetheless. “I missed you so much.” Whispering softly, she hugs him tighter and he’s certain his lungs are no longer able to expand but it feel so, so good to have her return the emotions he’s been carrying around. It was insufferable to be apart from her, but the feeling of having her back in his arms couldn’t be described by any earthly words.

“Should I go?” The stranger Grayson forgot about had spoken up, making Y/N’s eyes widen before her hold on Grayson relents and she’s stepping back a moment later with a shy smile upon her lips.

“Yeah. I think that’s best.” Pressing her lips together, she waves the man goodbye as he shakes his head in disbelief, turns on his heel and walks away and maybe it’s because Grayson expected an altercation or because he needed it for his own ego boost, but he was disappointed... And a little too happy he was her obvious choice.

“Come on.” Tugging him by his arm, Y/N drags Grayson inside and while she wanted to be the innocent best friend he’s used to, she couldn’t wait long before she had him alone.

“So, uh…Who is that guy?” Grayson didn’t waste time. While Y/N planned to toss her clothes aside and make his jaw drop, Grayson shrugged his jacket off and shoes next, starting up what she hoped he’d ignore. But then again, discretion was never his strong suit.

“Are you? Jealous?" She teased with a cocky smirk upon her rosy lips, drawing him near with every passing second. Rolling his eyes, he shakes his head. Would it be smart to come clean so soon?

"Maybe. It's just...weird." Gulping, Grayson pulls away, something he never imagined he'd do. Whenever she’s a part of the equation, he only ever saw himself being impossibly close to her but now? He couldn’t let her just blatantly ignore his concern.

"Why?" Her eyebrows furrowed as she frowned, praying she's hiding the hurt of rejection well enough not to be caught by him, the man who knows her best.

"Because you might be pregnant and I really want this pregnancy to be our time. To be just us." Pressing his lips together, Grayson drops his gaze, his mind made up though his heart isn't. "But if you want to date I won't stop you."

But she didn't want to. Not at all. She wanted Grayson and perhaps that's why she decided to tell a white lie.

“I never even kissed the guy. He’s got a thing for me, but he just walked me back after work. It’s nothing important.” But that wasn’t the lie she planned to tell.

"I lied. I took the test and it was negative." She promised him she'd wait for him and she did, but she can't risk losing him yet. She needs more nights lost in him, drunk on his cologne and sloppy kisses. She isn't ready to let him go.

"Oh. I guess we need to keep trying. If that's what you want?" Fighting a smile despite his initial disappointment, Grayson took one step closer as her encouraging smile warmed his insides.

"Guess we should. How about we resume here? Now?" The best relationships are often when people are not the same, yet complimentary, each bringing qualities that help the other. This felt like that – they had the important things in common but they have always been different enough to make their lives exciting. So when she cocks her head to the side, giving him access to her neck, Grayson is quick to respond and latch his lips just over her sweet spot, relishing in the moan it elicited.

But it didn’t stop that night. It felt like New Jersey all over again – every moment they could spend together was filled with romance, dates, stolen kisses in public and openly sensual kisses in private. He drove her mad with every touch while she put his worries at ease with every kiss. While she sought an adventure filled life he provides, he wanted a woman that made him giddy with every new sunrise by her side.

From their beach dates to the late night dancing barefoot in the kitchen, stargazing and dinners and movies, to driving around just screaming to their favorite songs like they’re teenagers again. They wasted so much time…So many years they could have been happy were gone, but neither would ever let another moment slip away. So they used the passing months wisely, catching up on everything.

“Can you come home?” She left the message on his voicemail, unintentionally calling her apartment home and to some degree it’s become one. Grayson never found a place to stay since he was renting the house he and Ethan used to live in and she never wanted him to. But today, she needed him. Though he told her he’s going to be in meetings all day, Y/N was hoping he’d see her message and drop everything.

Realizing how selfish her thoughts are, she shakes her head before sighing. Anxiously looking at the pregnancy test in her hand, she toys with the idea of taking it alone and surprising him with it later. She figured maybe it wasn’t really positive and she just ate something bad. Besides, she had some blood on her panties a few weeks ago and while it wasn’t a normal period, blood is blood. Right?

Luckily, she didn’t have to deliberate for long. They always joked about how Grayson could feel whenever she needed him but it always proved to be true. Even now, without even thinking twice about it, he had showed up for her with a box of chocolates she adored.

“What’s the emergency?” Grayson worried because every time he felt her distress in the past, he found her either heartbroken over a guy or there was a death in the family – even if that one time it was a pet fish she grieved for.

“Oh.” Swallowing thickly, Grayson found the reason before she uttered a single word. “Did you take it?” His curiosity was strong, but his furrowed eyebrows showed just how it put him on edge too. If she’s pregnant, does it mean they no longer need to sleep together?

Did it mean she was once again off limits? Deep down, they both hoped it would be a negative, just so they could keep up their no strings attached relationship without putting their friendship at risk but what’s the point?

Are they not past that stage? Neither of them has guts to ask. Not even Grayson, even though he’s always been great in communicating his feelings with her, if his actual feelings for her didn’t count.

“No. I wanted to do this with you. Plus, I threw up this morning…three times…because of chicken.” His eyes show the kind of gentle concern she’s unaccustomed to. He lays his hand lightly on her shoulder, and instead of flinching like she usually does with others, she’s soothed by it. He leaves his hand there and speaks with such a soft voice that his words calm her more by the way they are said than the actual words.

“I’m here. Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be there. Whatever you need.” It feels as if she’s wrapped in a blanket of his caring. How could she be scared of losing him when he’s never once left her side? How can she not consider her actions now when she could see how profoundly they affect him too? He’s always going to be the one. Perhaps it was Ethan for her teenage self, the woman she forced herself to be back then but it’s Grayson now…maybe it always was.

“I love you.” She whispers, terrified when his face falls and his eyes widen. She can feel the fear in her chest waiting to take over. Perhaps it only wants to protect her from more pain but there really isn't any danger. It sits there like an angry ball propelling her towards an anxiety she just doesn't need.

It’s Grayson, he won’t hurt her.

Or so she tells herself.

“I’m in love with you.” She clarifies, her lips quivering as she speaks and he can’t believe the words he waited his whole life to hear are finally spoken.

“I waited my whole life to hear that.” Grayson’s lips twitch as a smile creeps up on his face, removing the serious man he was moments before and he can’t help but giggle like a baby when she pecks his nose – quickly as if she’s suddenly shy before him, as if he doesn’t know her body, movements and even the slightest changes in her facial expressions. He’s always known her better than anyone.

“I love you too. So fucking much…for so long.” He admits, eyes filled with tears as she too starts to cry from happiness.

“And I’m pretty sure we’ll have a baby.” She adds, waving her hands before her face to stop her makeup from spilling down her cheeks, but her smile never falters. Her eyes hold so many emotions at once, but her smile has only one purpose – to make him forget about all the worries he carries with him in the outside world.

“Let’s find out!” She scrambles to her feet, running into the bathroom as he watches her in complete bliss, happiest he’s ever been. She’s closing the door slowly, teasingly, keeping her eyes on him all the way before they’re shut and he can’t help but laugh when he hears her open the tap, aware she’s got a shy bladder and him being able to hear her is making it harder for her to pee.

He finally had an inner happiness, one utterly independent of the outside world. She smiled like it burst from within instead of being worn like an obligation in the way others did and Grayson never felt as grateful as he did just now, aware her smile will be a permanent presence in his life.

“It’s done.” She walks out with a slight spring to her step, holding the stick in her hand and she couldn’t stop her impatient pacing around Grayson, not even when he tried to pull her down to the bed with him. All he wanted was to kiss her and calm her as she does for him, but she needed this freak out. He understood that.

Glancing down, she huffed before her mind registered what her eyes caught sight of. There was an explosion in her brain - the good sort, the type that carries more possibilities than she could be conscious of, but there were hundreds of ideas of the future in that buzz of electricity... she could feel it. It was the calling card of adventure, of paths awaiting her feet. Whatever was ahead could be a great challenge, and there could be tears, but it was her adventure to take and so she smiled. After all, she wouldn’t be alone.

“It’s a positive.” She let the stick fall as Grayson stood up with his own emotions bubbling to the surface, allowing him to sweep her off the feet. Littering her neck with kisses, Grayson spun them around as she squealed, holding on tight with her legs wrapped around his waist.

Had someone told her she’s be in love with a baby on road five months ago when she attended Ethan’s wedding, she’d laugh at them. Not too long ago, she felt herself break for his twin only to realize she was in love with the wrong twin all along.

That night was different. She always felt Grayson put his emotions in every kiss and every move whenever they had sex, but the tenderness of their emotions being out in the open with the happy news overflowing their senses, it didn’t feel like sex. For the first time in her life she understood what it means to make love – to truly love someone with every part of your soul. She always kept some of her heart and soul for herself in past relationships, even with Ethan, but Grayson stole every last bit of her and yet she felt complete, fulfilled like never before.

That night felt right. He felt right.

“What will you tell your mom? Ethan?” She trails her fingers up and down his chest as his hand remains over her lower abdomen, hesitant to move an inch away just in case he feels something even though he knew it wasn’t likely.

“That I love you and you love me and we made ourselves a little miracle.” Grayson takes her wandering hand in his free one, pulling the back of it to his lips. As he leaves a lasting kiss, she grins but the thought of telling people still made her reluctant to leave the bed.

“I’m scared. They might hate me.” She admits sheepishly, looking up at him only to see his frown deepen.

“Ethan is married and my mom loves you. Cameron misses you too. It’s going to be fine and if it isn’t, I won’t let them make you sad. I’ll protect you.” Pecking her nose to seal his promise, he narrows his eyes in thought.

“You know what? I’ll text them all in the family group chat!” Grayson jumps from the bed, using the momentary shock to get away from Y/N before she shrieks. “It’s gonna be painless! I’ll send them a photo of the positive test to prepare them!” His explanation made no sense at all, of course, but he was fast, too fast for her to stop him.

“THEY DON’T EVEN KNOW WE’RE A THING!” She screams, her head in her hands as she blinks fast, trying to understand why he’s doing this but it’s not hard to forget his continuous talks about wanting to be a dad their whole friendship. It was something to boast about for him, but she was mortified. She respected his mother and she felt it was something she should learn of in person, but he had a different idea.

“Fuck.” Grayson’s eyes widen, aware she’s right but it was too late. He had pressed sent before his mind could take responsibility and control over his body and it took exactly ten seconds for his phone to explode because not only did he send it, but he posted it online.

“Why are you pale? You’re literally changing shades!” Y/N jumped too, worried his mother was already freaking out on them but as she looked at his phone and the frantic attempt he made to hide what he’s trying to delete, she realized he had made the entire world freak out.

“GRAYSON BAILEY DOLAN!”

Within hours, their secret was out. Even if he wasn’t a YouTube star anymore, the fan base remained loyal and the photo from his Snapchat was everywhere.

“Shower and get ready while I book us tickets home. Your mom deserves a real explanation.” Y/N ordered as she put her hair up in a tail and he knew better than to argue. After the lecture she held for hours with several mutual freak outs, he knew it was better to be quiet and just be glad she’s not leaving his ass.

Kissing her temple, he was surprised she didn’t push him away as it was the first physical contact they made since his mistake spread worldwide.

“You’re letting me touch you?” It passed his lips without thinking, making her turn to him and her hands quickly found their way to his face, pulling him down to her lips. It was a short kiss, but a reassuring one.

“I’m not sure who you’ve dated but I love you and I’m not going to torture you, okay? You made a big fucking mistake but it’s not something I’d hold over your head. Just get ready.” As he disappeared in the bathroom and turned the shower on, Y/N planned to book tickets and get ready too, but fate had different plans when her bell rang in a few minutes and she opened the door only to have the shock of a lifetime.

Heart beating frantically, she tried to compose herself in order to hide just how upsetting it is to find him there without even calling first. She didn’t need him showing up at her doorstep now…had he done it eight years ago when they broke up after their two year long relationship, maybe then she’d be happy. Now? It was unsettling.

"Why are you here, Ethan?" She frowned, her eyes hard and her jaw set, no room for forgiveness in her but he had to try. Walking past her and inside, he licks her lips before opening his mouth again. He knew he had to choose his words carefully.

"I'm here for you." He could hardly speak, his mouth dry and his hands shaky, feeling like a teenager once again. She always made his insides turn with every look and every smile, but this felt different. She was his judge and jury and he sure as hell committed a crime against her.

"You have a wife, Ethan. You married the girl you told me not to worry about!" Y/N reminds him, memories of their undoing running through her mind.

"Oh, you're gonna kiss her?" Y/N gnawed on the inside of her cheek anxiously, aware this isn't exactly cheating, so why did it hurt? Why did it feel like betrayal? Whenever she looked at her photos, she envied her looks. She looked gorgeous, legs for miles and perfect smile Y/N admired but also envied. Ethan’s fans always made sure she knew how their thought her smile is hideous and after a time, Y/N believed them. She stopped smiling with her teeth, hiding it with her hand whenever she could, never aware of Grayson’s sorrow with every hidden smile. But this girl had the smile they’d like. It’s the first thought that haunted her.

"Just for the video. It's all pretend and she's not even my type, okay? I tried getting Grayson to do it, but he's adamant about being behind the camera. Babe, you have nothing to worry about." Brushing her hair back, tucking it behind her ear, Ethan cupped her cheek with a tenderness she had a weakness for. He had the ability to drive her crazy with such simple tricks and she hated him for it. But she loved the way he’d look at her with care, as if she was the only girl he could see.

And she was. Little did she know, Ethan never loved another like her. Not before her and not after, but at the time, he never imagined he’d ever have to look into eyes that weren’t Y/N’s. She had made him thankful for being alive, for every moment and memory they made together. Memories that would later torment him.

"You can even come to the set if it will make you feel better." Ethan offered but she refused instantly. If she’s so beautiful in the photos, Y/N couldn’t handle her in person. It would be too hard to see Ethan, the man she loves so much, locking lips with another, a girl more suitable for him as his mother said.

"I love you, but I can't trust myself not to go feral on her." Y/N chuckled, but she meant it. How do people do this so easily? How can you separate what’s real and what’s acting when you’re immersed in a scene and the other person? Would Ethan be able to? She was most afraid he’d fall in love with the leggy model and she’d be yesterday’s news like people speculated since they went public. Sure, they never specified which model but they sure as hell weren’t shy about shipping him with every woman in the world beside her.

A few months later

"Hawaii?" Not only is it her dream place to visit, but also a chance to be with Ethan and make beautiful memories, but timing was killing her. She wished to spend the mornings at the beach with Grayson and waking Ethan later when she’s all wet from the ocean and having sex in the shower after. She wanted to run wild in the nature surrounding them, to feel rain on her skin as he makes a declaration of his undying love. She wanted to watch the sun set in his embrace and go skinny dipping under the cloak of night.

"I really can't. My cousin is having that surgery and I'm the only family member around that can take care of her. Damn it." Letting out a frustrated sigh, she threw herself on the bed with a dramatic flare she picked up from him. If anything, it’s true that people in relationships appropriate each other’s behaviors.

"That sucks." Ethan followed her move, but he truly felt sad she wouldn't join the trip. After everything he's been through with his family and losing himself in the past year he finally started to see the light at the end of the tunnel yet she was never waiting for him there. He woke up one day, finally feeling better and saw the distance between them and he feared what it would turn into if they don't reconnect. He easily forgot all the months she didn’t leave his side and her listening to every rant he could produce or her forgiving him every time he snapped at her. She was always there, but his insecurities had started to flood him and he couldn’t help but wonder if she’s avoiding spending time with him. He wondered if she loved him at all or if she found him to be the safe option – routine.

"You won't be alone. Grayson is gonna be there." She tried to cheer him up, unaware of the real list of all the people that would be going as well.

"And everyone else from the video. Plus some other friends." Ethan listed but all she heard was that Kristina would be there. She hated how deep it cut whenever her name came up, especially after the video went public and EVERYONE loved Ethan and Kristina as a couple. They made edits, videos, tagging Y/N in too many of them for her to really see them all but she saw enough. They made sure she knew she wasn’t good enough and they’d never accept her fully. He was always too good for her. At least in their eyes.

It wasn’t easy spending a week without him, complete radio silence. Knowing he was with her made her blood boil and her imagination wasn’t merciful either. But when he returned to her, it was with a smile and thoughtful gifts. As always, she couldn’t stay mad at him.

Soon after, Ethan had come to her with yet another dream trip planned out.

"But all my finals are during that time. I might have a week off for Christmas and New Year's but I'm swamped."

"It's fine." Ethan shrugged, aware there's no reason to fight. "I'll send you a ticked if you change your mind."

"You'll have Grayson. It’s gonna be awesome." Pecking his cheek, she leaned on his shoulder, suppressing the hurt of his continued choices of trips she wanted to take at times he knew she'd be too busy. Maybe it was a way for him to distance himself from her as he had been a bit snappy with every time she couldn’t show up for some gathering. Sometimes, she wondered if he was aware she wasn’t handed the world on a silver platter – she had to work, study, and tend to her family and friends too. He was finally doing better and she was ecstatic for him, but she couldn’t be his whole world.

"Kristina will pick us up!" Grayson screamed from somewhere inside the house, involuntarily adding fuel to the fire.

"She's gonna be there?!" And all her worst insecurities had resurfaced. Not only is he leaving to a different continent for a month or so, but he’d be there with the girl the world wants him with and at a time they seem to be struggling. Does she trust him? Yes. Can she say she’s not afraid he might break her trust? No.

"She's Australian and she’s gonna be there. So yeah." Ethan shrugs, lost to how it infuriates his girlfriend. He never did see the warning signs nor the way his fans’ comments tore her down and slowly scrapped her confidence to nothing. He had watched her light go out without ever doing anything to keep it safe.

"Is there a reason you keep taking trips with her whenever you know I can't leave LA?" She crossed her arms, standing up as her anger bubbled to the surface and her jealousy began to show. Accusations thrown were proof enough their relationship is crumbling, loss of trust filling the cracks left by their lack of communication and as time went by, they allowed the cracks to grow too big.

"No, but you're gonna find one." He grumbled and she only chuckled in disbelief.

"Nice. Turn it against me. Make me out to be the bad guy."

"Look, I can't keep doing this. Your unfounded jealousy is driving me nuts and if you can't trust me, why are we together?" He raised his voice but kept his cool, noticing her arms fall at her sides. It’s exactly what she always feared…he’d find a reason to cast her aside. All she could think is when did he last cry because she was hurt, or come running because he thought she needed help? He used to be so attentive and she understood when he needed to be cared for after his loss but he never really cared for her after that. She became the one making efforts to heal him while her own heart and mind were breaking in the process.

"Are you ending this? Leaving me?" She stumbled over her words as her heartbreak sounded like an explosion inside, making her legs weak.

"I'm saying I need a break. To think. To remind myself why we fell in love in the first place. You were supposed to be the one who stood by me forever and instead you are so mentally fragile that you can't believe in me against the smallest of whispers. But I stand by my offer. I'll send you a ticked if you want one."

Looking back at it now, Ethan knew it was mostly his own insecurities and depression talking and he hung around Kristina so much at first because he felt like that's the only time Y/N shows she cares for him. He had no idea he'd fuck up so bad. He had no idea he was breaking her to the point of no return and that he’d lose her forever.

"I know. But say the word and I'll leave her. We can try again. We can be what we should have been back then!" The way he talks is through his entire body, using his hands, facial expressions, every tool he can use to convince her, make her fall for him again.

"Like the tickets you promised to send me back then? The ones I never got?" And then it dawned on Ethan. Grayson told him he'd handle it. He sabotaged them.

“I asked Grayson to do it…I thought you had them and just didn’t want to come.” Ethan leaned back on the wall for support, wondering why his brother would ever do that to him when he knew Y/N was his sun back then. And even after.

“Right. Nice excuse there.”

“I’m not lying!” Ethan exclaims, shaking his head. “I’m not even sure where he is, but when I find him, I’ll kick his ass before finding out who’s the poor sap that let him impregnate her.” Ethan’s jaw clenches as he takes a step toward Y/N who reacted on instinct when she stepped back, her eyes relaying uncertainty she feels and the slightest bit of fear once she feels the alcohol on his breath.

“Just stay there.” She’s shaky, her mind running with a thousand worries and none of them are giving her room to breathe. Placing a hand over her lower abdomen, she turns her body sideways to protect her unborn child. She didn’t think he’d hurt her in any way, but she didn’t know him as well as she used to and alcohol was never a peaceful companion.

“I just want to hold you.” Ethan croaks, stepping closer when Grayson finally shows up.

“Stay away from her.” Getting in between them, Grayson shields Y/N from Ethan, holding Ethan’s gaze long enough to allow her to slip aside and take a deep breath. While he’s still dripping wet with nothing but a towel hanging low on his hips, Grayson stood proudly before his girl.

“You’re here?” Ethan chuckles, but then his smile is erased when he takes a good look at them both. “You’re here.” He repeats, realizing the horrifying truth he guessed before but never quite believed it.

“Did you…did you impregnate the love of my life?” Eerily quiet, his tone is sharp and voice low, deep and rumbling as his anger clouds his vision.

“You mean the love of my life? You married your girl, Y/N’s always been mine. You took her from me and I wasted ten years of my life watching you take her heart before breaking it. I won’t ever hurt her like you did. Now get out and come talk to me when you’re sober.”

Nostrils flared, Ethan nods, gnawing at his bottom lip as he glances at Y/N and walks back. Hands in his pockets, he chuckles lowly before walking out, leaving the pair alone.

“Are you okay?” Grayson’s concerned voice quickly makes its way to her heart, allowing it to beat at a peaceful pace, once again with the one she loves.

“Yeah.” She manages before hugging him, hiding her face in his chest with new cloud of doubt in her mind…did Grayson really sabotage them?

Their flight was almost twelve hours later, missing the one she wanted to catch while they cuddled to calm down. It was mainly for her benefit and Grayson was happy to oblige.

She was quiet. When Grayson picked up their suitcase, she simply pecked his cheek as a thank you. When Grayson had to swerve to avoid a crash, wide-eyed as he asked her if she's okay, she placed her hand on his knee and nodded. When they sat for hours during their flight, she stared through the window and Grayson felt the lump in his throat grow with every passing minute.

Despite what she may think, Grayson heard a good deal of the conversation she held with his brother...the man she used to whisper I love you before him. Knowing Ethan wants her back and is willing to blow his entire marriage too had made Grayson revert back to the angry, doubtful, hesitant man he was when he first lost her to his brother and it hurt...it hurt that she chose Ethan who had his face but a vastly different personality. Grayson felt inadequate, unworthy, unlovable and to feel that way again, ten years later and when she's pregnant with HIS child? It was worse than before. Insufferable, absolutely soul-aching and tiresome.

Did she regret it now? Regret him and their unborn child? Did she hate him for not sending those tickets? Was she wondering what her life would be like if he had sent them?

Whether he wanted to or not, he certainly thought about it. Imagining them making up, staying together and getting married, his Y/N having his twin's children? It made him sick to his stomach. And frightened of the future, of the simmering fire in her mind as it uncovers every memory she has from that time.

And she did. For a moment, the thought of Ethan crossed her mind but she didn't linger too long on what could have been, rather on why. She wished she knew why Grayson did what he did back then and if he didn't intervene, would Ethan be sitting next to her instead? Maybe...but he isn't and she should ask Grayson for the truth but she knows he's insecure about her past with Ethan, even if he doesn't voice those concerns.

So, instead of rehashing the past, she gave herself time to get over it in order to protect Grayson from any hurt. She told him she loves him, she's carrying his child - isn't that enough to prove he's the one she wants?

"It's going to be fine." Grayson places his palm over the back of her hand that laid flat on her thigh. He could tell she's worried as her gaze fixed on the house he grew up in, overwhelmed with possible scrutiny she may face. He wouldn't let her take the heat.

Interlocking their fingers, he saw her lips quiver momentarily before she pressed them together, turning back to him with a reluctant nod.

"I know." Her heavenly voice eased his own anxiety, making him smile in return before their hands parted and they left the car.

And as they move inside, Grayson placed his hand on the small of her back, looking at her with admiration. He should be worried, but he can't find it in him to regret anything that happened between them in the past five months. The only thing he regrets is the time wasted they could have spent together.

However, the moment they walk in, their worry is replaced by utter surprise when they're met with a rather happy little group.

"Congratulations!"

Lisa, Cameron and her husband, Kristina and...Ethan, all clapped as Grayson and Y/N half embraced one another, Grayson's grip stronger to make sure she doesn't fall back in shock. He looks to Ethan for a moment, wondering how he got there so fast but decides to keep quiet. It's the best thing for everyone.

"Oh, wow!" Y/N exclaims, struggling to draw a proper breath as everyone cheers and though it's meant to ease her mind, it made her more confused.

"You know?" Grayson turns to his mother who nods, laughing.

"Since the wedding. We saw you two sneaking around!"

Cheeks red and eyes set on the floor, Y/N smiles awkwardly, finding it's even worse when they seem to be so accepting, especially after Ethan came to her door not too long ago, with an offer to leave his wife for her and now he had an arm around his wife's waist.

"Don't be so shy, you're giving me my first grandchild! Plus, you've been a part of the family for so long that I'm happy we are actually family!"

Going through motions, that's how it felt. Everyone's hugging her, kissing her, touching her stomach and all she can focus on is the unrelenting, piercing gaze of her former boyfriend. She'd glance around the room, simply to see if she's the only one that notices, but no one else picked up on the dynamic between her and Ethan. Even Grayson seemed oblivious.

"So, everyone is going off to bed." Grayson whispers in her ear, kissing her neck delicately as she smiles, leaning back into him.

"So, what do you suggest we do?" She raises an eyebrow, craning her neck to peck his Adam's apple, relinquishing control as he sways them lightly to the beat of their hearts.

"Maybe you could talk to me?" Ethan startles them, making their little moment end prematurely when Grayson really wanted to slow dance with her where he once saw his parents do the same. He thought it would be romantic, but he found himself ticked off instead.

"You need to stay in your lane, bro." Grayson warns, his face dark as he meets Ethan's longing stare - the one he wore since he met Y/N and he knew Ethan could see he was suffering yet he never cared, so why should he?

"I'll talk to you." Y/N, however, had a different idea. Perhaps it was time to talk, calmly without any bitterness inside her.

"You don't have to." Grayson reminds her, but she just nods, silent again as her lips touch upon his, barely long enough for him to feel anything before she walked away, outside where he feared he might lose her again.

He swore he'd never stand by and watch her walk away with Ethan or any other man again, but he found himself doing it once more.

"So, I'm not going to be the enemy forever?" Ethan leaned on the wall, his eyes alight with the lamp above his head.

"I'm here to close that chapter of our lives." She folds her arms over her chest, absentmindedly tapping her foot against the wet ground beneath her feet.

"Close? So it was open all this time?" Ethan's voice beckons her to respond, his regrets written on his face and he couldn't hide it at all. If he knew he had a chance at any point in time, he'd have taken it.

"Until I saw you get married, I had trouble letting you go." Y/N admits, looking back at the house and up at the room she and Grayson are meant to share is already illuminated by the lamp beside the bed.

"But not anymore. I love Grayson and I think a small part of me always did." Smiling, she looks back at Ethan who swallowed thickly, nodding with a heavy heart.

"Was any of it real? Did you ever love me or was I always the wrong brother? The one you settled for? Why does this hurt so much?" The way he bows his head, unable to look her in the eye is breaking her heart because once upon a time, Ethan really was her prince charming. It hurts to see him so consumed with the past they left behind long ago - the past that consumed her too, up until Grayson saved her from it.

"Because it was real. You stole my heart when I least expected it." The joy in her voice when she spoke about them made his heart break further and even the light her eyes held when she remembered the time he had made her so incredibly happy made him smile despite the pain.

"I loved you for a really long time, Ethan, but I can't lie and say that the main reason why I didn't say yes to you when you first asked me on a date wasn't Grayson. I buried those feelings for years and I fell in love with your beautiful soul and brilliant mind but you also broke my heart and damaged my ability to trust people and love. You found a really good woman, E. Maybe it's time you appreciate her and let me go." Pressing her lips together, she let out a heavy sigh as he kept his gaze steady on her, his eyes sparing no tears as they fall freely.

"Okay? You can love me and still let me go. Because I let you go. For good." And with that, she took a step back, walking back to the house and with every step she felt lighter, happier, while Ethan remained behind.

"You can get out now." Ethan spoke up once she entered the house, looking up at the roof where he heard his brother hiding. He always listened in to people talking as a kid, well...they did it together. He had a feeling Grayson wouldn't miss this talk.

Looking down, Grayson rolls his eyes, slowly moving himself down. He had to be careful or Y/N would kill him if he hurt his back. Maybe she'd kill him for being there at all. It occured to him she may see it as his lack of trust in her, but it was more about his fear of not being enough for her...thank maybe Ethan was still a fresh wound for her.

"You won. She chose you." Ethan says, kicking a rock with his hands in the front pockets of his sweatpants.

"I didn't doubt she would." Grayson shrugs, but he was never a good liar. Ethan could always read him.

"Riiight. Look, I'm sorry. I won't be doing any stupid shit anymore. I had my chance and I blew it and...Looking back at it, I was the one who stole her from you. Deep down, I knew you loved her but a part of me didn't care because I loved her too. I convinced myself she didn't feel the same for you but you two were always closer. She was so much like me, but she always found common ground with you. You made her laugh like I never could and if she's gotta be with someone else, I'm glad it's you."

Finally at peace, Grayson and Ethan parted ways that night as brothers once more. Ethan made his way to his wife, promising himself to show her love she deserves and Grayson? He went to his soulmate with arms wide open, a promise to be the best father he can be and if she allows, husband as well.

"How are you?" He whispers, his hand back on her stomach as she laid on her back beside him.

"Happy." She hums, letting out a heavy sigh.

"But?" Grayson knew that sigh and he knew her, she was holding out on him.

"I finally cut ties with Ethan, but I can't help myself...why didn't you send those tickets?" Looking up at him, she pondered if he'd tell her the truth but he had no reason to lie now, did he?

"Because he told me to send you tickets the same day I saw him kiss her for the first time. I didn't want you to come there and pick up on their shit only to be stuck in Australia for the holidays." Kissing her forehead, Grayson drew a shuddered breath.

"And maybe because I worried he'd find a way to convince you to forgive and forget." But Y/N felt this meant more. Did he think she'd do that this night too?

"You know I love you? Since you asked me to cook for you in return for a watch! And this...you and me and this miracle we made...it's everything." Turning to her side, she splayed her palm on his chest, over his heart.

"You gave me your heart Grayson and I plan to keep it safe for as long as I live."

"Marry me then."

He didn't expect her to agree, not ever let alone when he asked so spontaneously without a ring or a big romantic gesture. Her nails weren't done anyway to show off the ring as most girls seemed to like.

"Yes!" But she did. Enthusiastically so. Her lips smashed against his instantly, turning his brain to mush.

But that night was only the beginning of their relationship.

While their families wanted a big wedding, planning everything because Y/N only wanted the final word on the choices they make with an occasional “LET’S ELOPE” freak out, the pair spent time enjoying their love and the growing life inside Y/N.

"It's a girl." Y/N claimed, but Grayson didn't care as long as the baby is healthy. Ever since the first ultrasound when he heard a heartbeat, Grayson was impatient to meet the baby and became stubbornly overbearing with Y/N.

She didn’t mind…too much. She’d catch him staring at her as her belly grew, noticing how in awe he is of her, unaware he’s wondering how one so fragile and tiny could grow a human inside and actually bring it into the world. He wasn’t the type to sit back and let her deal with it – he got involved. Grayson listened to audio books on pregnancy, delivery and raising children every day while he built some of the things he wanted for the nursery, always when she was asleep.

They agreed to raise their family in Los Angeles, mainly because Grayson knows Y/N hates snow and the LA climate appealed to her more. But then again, he insisted he should have free reign on the nursery, building everything he can to make it special for their child.

With every passing month, he’d measure Y/N’s belly and note it, downloading an application that helped him keep up with the development.

“Sigh.”

“Did you just say sigh out loud?” Grayson couldn’t help but chuckle at his fiancé, smitten by her even though she was increasingly complaining of her looks – something he made sure to stop with unlimited compliments every day, loving her even when she was terrorizing him with pregnancy cravings and sleepless nights that came with her newly developed snoring problem. Grayson truly adored every part of this pregnancy, especially how horny she became.

“I’m bored.” Sheepishly, she puts her leg over Grayson’s, his hand reacting on instinct as it rubs up and down her calf, lightly massaging her aching muscles.

“The doctor told you to rest. So, you’ll do just that and I’ll be your slave as promised.” Grayson tried to reason with her so many times before, but every time he turned his back on her he’d find her up and about. She is stubborn, but very much ready to have the baby they decided not to find out the sex of.

“I know! But I want to take a walk and get ice cream and have reckless, rough sex without this huge stomach making it impossible. And I want a drink…so bad…but I want to breastfeed too! Oh, God, I didn’t think this through.” Hiding her face in the pillow…as much as she could without turning over on her stomach, Y/N cried out of pure frustration while Grayson rubbed her back and held her close.

Hormones in the last trimester weren’t as helpful as they were in the first two. She cried ten times a day, mostly over the silliest things like “The sun is so pretty” or “That shirt fits you so well” and even “Why do I have to pee again”. Regardless how silly it was, he’d never tell her. Her body is undergoing massive changes and all because she’s going to give him the greatest gift of all – a chance to be a father and start a family, to be a man he wanted to be.

But when her water broke just a couple of days later, neither of them were quite ready for it. While Grayson ran around the house, gathering things she’d need in the hospital he made a Pinterest board about, Y/N was trying to remind herself why she did this in the first place.

It’s all fun and games until the pain starts to set in.

“Oh, we should have gotten a surrogate.” She whined as he helped her in the car, thanking his lucky stars he had the keys at hand and didn’t forget them like Ethan teased him he would.

“You’re doing great, love!” He wanted to be calm and supportive, but even Grayson was screaming in a state of panic and he’d laugh if he didn’t find it quite tragic how he’s acting like a scared teen when he’s almost thirty.

“DON’T SCREAM AT ME!” However, he had to reel it in when she started to cry again, realizing he’s scaring her more. But as they got to the hospital and Y/N went straight to the delivery room, Grayson held her hand all the way through – constantly reminding her to breathe so the child could breathe too, guiding her as much as he could between the hand crushing squeezes she’d administer with every push.

Grayson felt like every fiber of his being was vibrating with anticipation. Adrenaline was coursing through his veins. His hands trembled and his eyes were wide. The moment he heard that first cry was also the moment he felt his life had begun and he never felt such gratitude to the universe that gave him Y/N, his soulmate, who was gracious enough to give him the love of his life. Or two other he’d get in the next four years – their rainbow babies - twins, a boy and a girl.

“You were right. It’s a girl.”

This world is quite astonishing, when you claw your way out of the mire of dysfunction. When you first look over the horizon and see nature without the haze of discontent and petulance. Without any filter, with the naked eye and mind open to the beauty of this world, amazement comes. When you see those simple things, when you can fall in love with the simplest things, everything gets so much better. The larger things become almost overwhelming, the sense of love so much stronger. It is then you realize that before you lived a half-life, greyed and without the warmth each human is born with.

Tags: @mendesficsxbombay @beinscorpio @peacedolantwins @godlydolans @dolandolll @heyits-claire @ethanhes

Their Rainbow Baby - deleted scene

#grayson dolan #ethan dolan #grayson dolan smut #grayson dolan x reader #ethan dolan x reader #grayson dolan angst #ethan dolan angst #grayson dolan fluff #grayson dolan fanfic #grayson dolan fanfiction #grayson dolan fic #grayson dolan imagine

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the-queer-observer · 3 years

Text

The TOXICITY of straight dating culture: Do you even realize what you teach?

A few months ago, a straight teenage girl explained her crush to me with the sentence “He’s so toxic.”

I know a 17-year-old girl with a little to no clue of how a non-toxic relationship should look like.

I started noticing a certain pattern online and in my real life too.

Now it’s a time for my first disclaimer: I am not straight myself. Nope. Not at all. Perhaps that’s why I see through it.

To this point, all I have done about this is that I have complained to some friends, got over it and went on with my life.

Today, a girl, no older than twelve, has told me about her crush on a “bad boy” and we talked about him for a second. He really did seem like what the definition of a bad boy is for tweens.

I snapped.

And here I am, writing my first tumblr post ever on this very topic.

I want to make clear, this is not an attack on those girls. This is an attack on the society, what it taught them and what it failed to teach.

The youngest girl and me, we talked about music. She said she liked “dramatic” songs and played me some of her favorites.

Disclaimer number two: I did know both the artists, but I don’t actually listen to them. The closest to mainstream music my playlists get is Take me to church by Hozier, the rest being a wide range of songs, interprets and genres from pop punk to death metal and everything in between.

I was actually surprised. One of the two artists she played for me was Billie Eilish. The beginning of the song went:

Don't be cautious, don't be kind

You committed, I'm your crime

Push my button anytime

You got your finger on the trigger

But your trigger finger's mine

The second song was by Maroon 5.

It was even worse:

So what you trying to do to me

It's like we can't stop, we're enemies

But we get along when I'm inside you, eh

You're like a drug that's killing me

I cut you out entirely

But I get so high when I'm inside you

Yeah you can start over you can run free

You can find other fish in the sea

You can pretend it's meant to be

But you can't stay away from me

I can still hear you making that sound

Taking me down rolling on the ground

You can pretend that it was me

But no, oh

I am not going to argue about whether it’s appropriate or whether she understands the lyrics the way I do. It doesn’t even matter. She understands the drama in the song. She understands it enough for me to be concerned.

There are other songs like that. There is a whole culture teaching pre-teen and teenage girls, that “they can’t get away”, romanticizing toxic people and toxic relationships, blurring the lines of consent and guess what? The girls believe it’s the way it’s supposed to be.

I texted my girlfriend and we spent some time looking for straight love-songs, celebrating healthy relationships. None of them were mainstream, but we found things like:

That the world is ugly

But you're beautiful to me

Are you thinking of me

Like I'm thinking of you

I would say I'm sorry, though

Though I really need to go

I just wanted you to know

I wanted you to know

I'm thinking of you every night, every day

(My Chemical romance)

And

Desperate for changing

Starving for truth

I'm closer to where I started

I'm chasing after you

I'm falling even more in love with you

Letting go of all I've held on to

I'm standing here until you make me move

I'm hanging by a moment here with you

Forgetting all I'm lacking

Completely incomplete

I'll take your invitation

You take all of me now

(Lifehouse)

First of all: Those are 4 extracts of songs, chosen by me to demonstrate my point and they may or may not reflect the reality, you (the reader) see: those two songs might be just an exception, but in that case this post is still not canceled, because there is enough of other correlations and causation for me to have a reason to write this.

Those songs are “dramatic”, but the drama shifts from the relationship itself and its toxicity to the circumstances and environment. My girlfriend even recommended a punk song called Ne touche pas moi (Do not touch me), which is entirely about consent.

I am not explicitly saying that the songs she played for me are bad. It’s not for me to decide.

But all Billie Eilish’ fans I ever met were in the age range between eleven and fourteen, so I am supposing that’s her target audience. As for Maroon 5, I have no idea. However, music influences us. The girl is old enough to know what kind of music she likes and wants to listen to and with the peer pressure going on there, her parents do not really have a say in what she listens to and they are not to be blamed for this.

It’s the culture.

Toxicity is not a positive trait to look for in a potential partner. Even if he is a good looking one.

Enough of music.

Do you know who the toxic crush was?

Draco Malfoy.

One of the most famous of all characters in media, famously portrayed by Tom Felton in the Harry Potter film series.

Disclaimer number four: I have a problem with the books and movies and I also have some issues with the author.

Still, I see a fandom celebrating the love of Severus Snape for Lilly Evans Potter. Except it’s not love and it’s not a crush either. It’s an obsession. One that has become so iconic, the word “Always” is one of the main symbols of Harry Potter.

It shouldn’t be.

It should have never happened.

Draco Malfoy is quite the same thing. He is a racist, a bully. He is raised to be one, sure... That’s not an excuse. He doesn’t actually have a canonical redemption arch (not counting the deleted scene from the last movie and the Cursed child). If he came up to Hermione, acknowledging his mistakes, apologizing for his behavior, then maybe. Perhaps... That’s another story though. My point is, Rowling fails to actually depict problematic characters as actually problematic, they are romanticized by her, the filmmakers, the fandom and the wider audience.

Girls are taught to be the ones to make the redemption arch happen, irl or in fiction. They are supposed to date whoever is into them, regardless of whether they like the person back, and it’s unbelievably often I see them crushing on villains and problematic people like Draco Malfoy, because they are taught, he would change for them or that they could change him.

Toxicity is not a positive trait to look for in a potential partner. Even if he is a good looking one.

Those together result in a complete lack of knowledge of how a healthy relationship should look like. That’s the case of the third girl I mentioned. Being best friends with both her and her current boyfriend, I had three points of view on their relationship. It’s only been the past few weeks, not more than two month it has shifted to a more positive, healthy relationship.

It’s not the girl’s fault. They learn what a healthy relationship is the hard way, mostly after going through a toxic one(s).

WHY?

The sentence: “I always fall for the bad guys.” lacks the essential: “because the society taught me to” part.

It’s so common.

It’s too common.

It’s not even that we wouldn’t talk about it: we do. But you celebrate it. And that is not okay and that is the reason I am typing this.

Disclaimer number 5: The gender roles in this post are based off of my observations. I do acknowledge the fact that girls can be and sometimes are the toxic person in the relationship and that the lesson boys are thought is no way better (more freeing perhaps, but not right either) . It might not be specific to the straight culture either, but again, my observations were.

I was about thirteen, when I figured out I was gay and I had to learn everything on my own. How the relationships should work out, what is healthy and what is not... I had to learn on my own because the society failed to teach me anything. I am yet to decide whether that’s better or worse than teaching the wrong one.

#lgbtq #spilled thoughts #punk #music #culture #society #feminist #teenagers #relationship #toxic is toxic #toxicity #gay girls #queer #random observations #harry potter #draco malfoy

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jeonggukingdom · 4 years

Text

✰ m a s t e r l i s t

[ All the stories linked in this masterlist are the fruit of my own imagination, don’t copy or re-post elsewhere without permission. ]

I crosspost all of my stories on AO3 and nowhere else so if you find them somewhere other than these two accounts, please report them to me, thank you. I do not allow reposting, not even with credits, and I don’t allow translations of my stories, especially if you never asked me permission to do so.

⟶ guilty as charged ⟶ ✘ ↳ established relationship!AU, FBI-agent!AU, dom!AU ⟶ one-shot ✪

« Your boyfriend works for the FBI and you have learned how to appease him when he comes back home tired and stressed from work. Tonight, though, when he enters and you immediately take on your submissive stance, you still have no idea what you are going to get. When he ties you to the chair and spreads your legs, though, you quickly realize you are in for a treat.»

⟶ longing in Tokyo ⟶ ✘☀︎ ↳ established relationship!AU ⟶ one-shot

« It has been just two weeks. Two bloody weeks of nothing but text messages and phone calls and, quite frankly, Namjoon can’t simply take it anymore. He needs you. And it’s exactly that firing desire that prompts him to call you in the middle of the night in the hopes of quenching his unyielding desire for you once and for all.»

⟶ coming soon

⟶ love in the times of movies and duvets [feat. Jungkook] ⟶ ✘ ↳ exhibitionists!AU, three-some!AU ⟶ one-shot

« At the annual reunion at your friend’s house for an Harry Potter movie marathon rewatch, things get spicy between you and your boyfriend Jeongguk while everyone else is asleep. Or so you thought. When you catch Yoongi staring at you with one of his hands on his crotch, you can’t help but invite him in on the fun for a night none of you three will ever forget. »

⟶ to the beat of my heart ⟶ ✘ ↳ dancer!AU ⟶ one-shot ✪

« When you walk into the studio that Sunday afternoon, all you expect is a lonely and chill practice session but, a few hours later, your programs are shattered in thousand pieces by the unexpected presence of Jung Hoseok. And nothing could have prepared you for what he had in store for you. »

⟶ the bride of Ashmedai ⟶ ✘☀︎☁︎ ↳ demon!AU ⟶ one-shot

« You were born with only one purpose to fulfill: sacrifice your life to a Prince of Hell and save your entire lineage from eternal damnation. When blood trickled from your hand that night you were ready for doom or even worse, death. What you didn’t expect was for you to find gentle eyes of molten chocolate waiting for you and a wanton tongue welcoming you home. » ↳ alternatively: the prince of lust has a thing for cunnilingus and, apparently, so do you.

⟶ under the spell of a demon’s touch ⟶ ✘☀︎☁︎ ↳ incubus!AU ⟶ one-shot ✪

« You had believed, for your entire life, that creatures of the underworld were only a myth but you were proven wrong by the existence of Jimin. He is, according to his definition, a smaller type of Fae called Incubus. A creature of sex. Someone that can only live and strive as long as his sexual appetite is satiated every day. And Incubi are known in all of their myths to be insatiable and ravenous creatures. »

⟶ salacious propositions ⟶ ✘ ↳ phone-sex-operators!AU ⟶ one-shot

« You had been friends for years now and you were quite accustomed to the crazy ideas of Kim Taehyung but when he proposed to you a summer of working as phone-sex operators you had your doubts. Still, you indulged him and one day, passing in front of his door, you hear him. Next thing you know, you’re asking him to watch him as he works and well, from a call to being sprawled on his bed the step is ridiculously short. »

⟶ dick on the go ⟶ ✘☀︎★ ↳ friends!AU ⟶ one-shot ✪

« It was all shits and giggles when you and Taehyung were desperate seniors in High School, having no idea what to do with your lives, wondering if you’d ever find a decent job or even graduate in the first place. It is not so funny anymore when you come home from the big city to enjoy your vacation time and you find his sex-shop right in front of the house you grew up in when you were a kid. “If nothing works out I’m just gonna open a sex shop and call it something obnoxious like ‘Dick on the Go’ or something with a stupid zucchini logo flashing on top of the building.” He had said one time. Shit, you had no idea he actually meant it. »

⟶ across a lifetime ⟶ ✘☀︎ ☁︎ ↳ time-travel!AU, criminals!AU, sci-fi ⟶ one-shot

« In your world only a few rules exist: don’t reveal your true identity to anyone, kill or be killed and, most importantly, do not get caught. It only takes a few moments for the scale to be tipped to the wrong side, for the fine equilibrium to be easily ruptured by an inexplicable turn of events and for you to lose the only person that ever mattered to you. With the love of your life lost in the distant past, you are left with only one option: get caught.»

⟶ the shower experiment ⟶ ✘☀︎ ↳ newlyweds!AU ⟶ drabble

« You thought being on a honeymoon was not only about the sex but also about the cities and making memories together and taking pictures for everyone to see. Instead, you have been stuck in your hotel room and your infaticable husband has no intention of leaving anytime soon. The next room to conquer? The bathroom and, more precisely, the shower. »

⟶ the sea watcher ⟶ ☁︎✘ ☀︎ ↳ pirate!AU, witch!AU ⟶ one-shot ✪

« They call the women of your kind “The Sea Watchers.” Born under the favor of the Gods, your kind was bestowed with the power to bend air and water to your will. And with that power, you are set on saving the lives of your brother and your lover, Jeon Jeongguk. Two years have passed since you last saw either of them but you kept your promise, you have waited for him to return and now, all that is left to find out is if he has waited for you too. »

⟶ your every wish is my command ⟶ ✘☀︎★ ↳ genie!AU ⟶ one-shot ✪

« It’s Friday night and everyone you know in a 12 miles radius seems to be out and about dancing or drinking their lives away. Bored out of your mind you decide to call out the Genie that happened to fell in your hands a month prior to this very night. You just want some company, somebody to talk to and entertain you but things take a spicy turn when you accidentally make your very first wish and it’s a rather impious one. »

⟶ house of cards ⟶ ☁︎✘ ↳ apocalypse!AU, zombie!AU ⟶ one-shot

«What does safe mean when you are chased by zombie, when every corner you turn could be the last one for you? What do words like home and future mean when you’re always on the run and every moment could be your last? They mean nothing and everything at the same time and Jeongguk is all of the above. He is your safe haven, he is your home and he is your future. But things like that crumble easily in your world. »

⟶ split at the seams ⟶ ☁︎✘☀︎ ↳ dystopian!AU « Life in the Outskirts is not easy or grand and waking up every morning is both a blessing and a curse. On the verge of the breaking point, Jeongguk turns to the only thing out there able to save you: The Ring. So that first night, when he came home battered and bruised holding more money in one hand that you had seen in quite some time, you knew trouble would quickly follow. But if there’s something that life has taught you it’s this: as long as you and Jeongguk are together, nothing can stop you. »

⟶ splinters of love ⟶ ☁︎✘☀︎★ ↳ a collection of drabbles (one for each day of April) based on prompts by an online prompts’ generator site.

#!masterlist

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nametags · 4 years

Text

But her emails...

I aim to be a woman of integrity. I’ve sat on the content I’m about to share for almost 6 years in part because it originally was a private conversation between me and a friend. A friend who happens to be a lead singer of a band, but a friend none the less. However the way people have been speaking about him and what’s been going on in the world lately, I couldn’t let this stay hidden anymore.

I’m tired of people claiming that because Patrick no longer uses social media (and hasn’t for damn near five years at this point) that somehow he doesn’t ��care” or isn’t doing anything right now to help the Black Lives Matter movement. I’m also incredibly tired of people ignoring/belittling the fact that Pete Wentz is a biracial/black man in America. You really do not want the social media person in charge of Patrick’s account tweeting things out. It would be hollow and fake.

Below is both a transcript of the conversation I had with Patrick on 12/06/2014, a follow up message he sent to me 08/25/2015, and the accompanying screenshots. Unfortunately I do not have the tweet(s) that prompted me to contact him in the first place nor can I find screenshots of them to provide that context. An image of me and my younger brother Jacob when we met the band at Boys of Zummer will also be attached to demonstrate one of the people I was concerned about in my original email.

The only redactions made were my personal email address and the name of a friend I referenced. Patrick deleted his email account at some point between late 2016 and early 2017. It’s only left in these screenshots as proof for those who knew the address before to see these were legitimate messages. I hope the content reveals not only where his heart lies not only then but where it is now.

Allison White: So I caught the insanity way late, but it's a tricky spot to be in with what's going on. For most of my life, I didn't even identify with half of my race. I was raised with my mom's side of the family and it just didn't click for me. It really hasn't been until teen years and onward that I've opened my eyes to it all. And with that, I began to grow wary of authority in a way. Like I still believe that people go into law enforcement for the right reasons. The few times I have dealt with police officers personally I haven't been concerned, but I have noticed in the past few years that when I spot a police car on the road or an officer just out in public somewhere is if I look "white enough" or do I actually look like an adult who belongs in whatever space I am in. I know Trayvon Martin was murdered by a vigilante and not an actual officer of the law, but that was when I first started to fear for my little brothers. I knew both of them were the sort of young men that could get targeted and most likely justice would not be found for them. And then there comes this summer. With both the Mike Brown and Eric Garner cases coming back with no indictment, it makes it feel as if it's just open season for black people to be hunted by cops. Which is hurtful for the cops who are actually in it to protect and serve, and every citizen who now has to wonder if they are next. I hope that your cousin is doing alright. I hope that people aren't making his job harder right now. Just I know for me right now with all that's going on I am definitely on the side of the protesters.

Patrick Stump: Brief for now; I'm sorry in all that you didn't notice that I'm squarely on the side of the protestors too. That's a failure of my wording

PS: The problem is that I so poorly expressed myself, people thought I was balancing the empathy to be spread across the black community and cops. That's a mistake on my part. I'm angry.

I'm angry that Mike Brown's case didn't yield enough evidence to indict. But that case was a very complicated one...Brown had just (allegedly) committed a violent crime and information was murky. As sure as I was that Wilson straight up murdered the Brown, I understood the limitations of the american Justice system given how little evidence there was. That's the unfortunate reality of justice is that it needs to be just. It needs to be 100%. We can't go in with "I know in my heart." And so that case pissed me off, but I understood it.

With Eric Garner however, this just feels so flagrant. By no accounts was he violent, wasn't he doing anything that could even be misconstrued as life-threatening enough to even imagine defending the usage of deadly force. He was cooperating and they choked him to death on camera. That's fucked up. I'm pissed. I tried to be polite and sit back and not say anything, but I'm pissed.

However, my reason for discussing the side of the police as well is that human beings are complicated. When we boil people down to simplistic stereotypes, when we create a narrative of "Us VS them," we lose sight of the humanity of it all. You can't reason with a "Them." You can only reason with a person and it works better when you remember they're people.

I don't believe in enemies. I'm not religious but I love the way Jesus preached "Love thy enemy." That's hugely influential to me. Hugely important. That's the empathy I mean.

The other night I was holding my son and I thought to myself about a black girl I used to date. And how, we could have had a kid together. Maybe a little boy. And how, that boy could (by no action of his own) be killed just for the color of his skin. Like, I've heard and read words like that before, but to actually connect with it (on as small a scale as that) was horrifying. Gutting. For a little moment I thought, all this joy and all this beauty and somewhere, someone's having a black baby boy, loving him and feeling all the same things I feel for my son. But I wondered if in between their tired diaper changes and their burpings, if they were saying a silent prayer "I hope you don't get killed by a cop." If they say it constantly because they know how possible it is. Or even if he lives to be a 100, what black man won't have an unjust run in with the law? Not to make it exclusively a male issue but seriously, how many black men are in prison right now in America? That's a disgusting thing. The young parent of a young black boy probably considers that and that's maybe the most depressing thing I've ever tried to understood. That's a horrifying thing. There really still is a racial divide in this country, and to not be black is to not say those little prayers. We live in a supposedly free country. What about the pursuit of happiness? Who's defending the right of that little black baby boy born somewhere in America to just be an adorable little baby without any pretense? And when that baby grows up, who's defending his right to walk down a residential sidewalk and not expect to get pulled over and frisked? Maybe worse?

So I'm angry. Just plain angry. But I didn't want to offend anyone so I expressed my anger in the lightest way I could think of.

I'm not sorry for having an opinion, I'm sorry I explained it so poorly that you didn't know what it was.

AW: All of this is hard, and there is so much anger. You shouldn't ever be sorry for your opinions, and I am pretty sure you yourself have told people only be sorry for how you express your opinions. I wasn't upset with you or what you said, I just felt compelled to share that for me there's a knee jerk reaction to the image/idea of police and why. This whole situation has been tough and it's been inspiring watching people across this country let their anger show and demonstrate in the streets against it. It makes me wish I was brave enough to take part in it out in the streets and not just online.

I hope this collective anger and protest leads to real change. That in 2014 we are able to do the things they were aiming for in 1964. I mean recently the full letter the FBI sent to MLK to urge him into suicide was released and it just highlights the divide between how much has and has not changed. There's a lot of value in what religion is supposed to teach. Love thy enemy, love thy neighbor. True love and care for those around you is a great thing and certainly something I'd hope people identified with.

The past nearly seven years there has been this push for hope and change. Maybe the country is finally reaching a point to make it happen?

PS: I have a funny feeling this is civil rights part 2. I'm proud of the protests. I'm so grateful our generation is angry about something it should be angry about for a change.

AW: An argument can be made that our generation (or just post baby boomer generations in general) have been taught and fed nonsense to keep us compliant, but that veers into a territory that I am not completely sure or comfortable with. Overall I do think that this is heading a direction that the powers that be are not ready for in the slightest.

PS: Where did I go wrong? What do people think I said? They're so mad at me, and none of the people have said anything I didn't mean. I'm not getting angry right-wing stuff, people are just calling me a racist. What did I say that was racist? What do I think that's racist?

AW: There's a strong immediate reaction right now of if you sound slightly in favor of the officers that did wrong that you are racist. The swift reaction and need to dogpile on is kind of crazy. I think people took the initial comment to mean "not all cops!!!!" In the same vein as "not all men!!!" and that's where the rage is coming from.

AW: Just to be clear, those who matter know you're not racist. You have shown both in your words and actions where your beliefs lie. I don't know how to calm the masses right now because at least for the time being its not going to get through :(

AW: You could try a blog entry on tumblr?

PS: Nah, I think I've done enough damage for one lifetime. I think I'll keep it to myself but I appreciate your talking it through with me.

AW: No problem. I am always willing to be a sounding board for that stuff if you need it.

PS: I re-read my stuff; "I support our police," is the worst things said. I meant "I support the idea of police and the need for a police force we can trust on a national level," not "I support the police in NYC who are killing people and attacking protestors." That sucks.

AW: If you wanna try to clarify now you can. At least in your Google alert it only had one mention of he mess and it was a tumblr user supporting/defending you.

PS: There's no fixing it. The Internet is unforgiving I think and the reality is, I said that. I didn't mean it in the way that it so obviously sounds, but I said that. So I deserve everything I get.

AW: It will most likely go easier if you let it ride out instead of trying to go out and fight it. That just gives the "he doth protest too much" air about it. Hopefully the energy behind letting you know you said something like that will dissipate sooner rather than later. And that it won't get big enough for someone to write a story about it.

PS: Yeah. It'll sound like back-pedaling and glad-handing. Anyway, thanks for talking it through!

AW: You're very welcome! Thank you for hearing out my side of it this morning.

PS: I never would've ignored your side.

AW: Which is very much appreciated

AW: I say that because in the past two weeks I have lost a handful of friends because of all of what's going on and them being unable to understand how and why their words hurt me.

PS: Well that's awful and unfair

AW: It was but they were all from the "when I look at you I don't see black, I just see Ally" camp and then would go on to say things about stereotypes and "thugs"

PS: Yeah. Thug. "Oh that's so ghetto." Bullshit.

AW: When someone says "thug" it's always clear they wanna say the n word

PS: Or even if they're the kind of "Well meaning," person who knows enough not to say that word, they mean the same thing

PS: "Not like you. You're good"

PS: White America just needs to know what it doesn't know

PS: Or rather, understand that there are things they (we) will never understand. Not from a first person perspective.

AW: It always makes me want to scream. The erasure of identity so then the people known to them stay safe. It reminds me of something I witnessed the other day. My friend [REDACTED] from junior high is now an established lawyer. Needless to say he has been keeping up very much with the recent events. He made a post about it and one of his friends commented with "I wish you would go back to being my friend [REDACTED] and not my black friend [REDACTED]." Mind you there's no denying [REDACTED] is a black man. He can't pass in the slightest so the comment shocked and saddened me. Thankfully [REDACTED] handled it with poise and grace.

PS: If you have to say you have a "black friend," then you probably don't. That's fucked. I guess I just genuinely didn't imagine how pervasive this stuff really is. Like, Pete and Joe and I have been talking a lot today. I was under the misapprehension that we grew up in a decently inclusive area. Just come to find out, nobody used those words around me. The whole time they were heckling kids like Joe and Pete. I thought racism was this thing that doesn't happen here. It's scary how much it's come out post Obama's election. Elected officials sending out mass e-mails of pictures of watermelons. I just didn't get it. Ignorance is bliss.

AW: It knows how to hide in plain sight, which is a lot of the problem. People are taught "don't be racist!!!!" Without being told exactly what racism is. People (myself included at times) aren't aware of words/phrases/ideas have nefarious ties until too late.

PS: I think we get too caught up on words and not enough on what they imply. "Thug," means a prepackaged idea of a black male. It instantly limits his perceived intelligence, his perceived trustworthiness, his perceived value to society, and his perceived prospects in life. That's so fucked. We expect black men to go to prison. Not be doctors and lawyers. When a black man is a doctor or lawyer, we treat him like such a cool novelty. When a black woman asserts herself, she's so "Sassy." "You go girl."

These little words and phrases feel harmless. They never were

AW: Those are the positives. Usually assertive black women are angry, mean. It's so fucked all around.

AW: I really owe Pete for helping me be informed on Ferguson. He tweeted the hashtag the night the protests started in August and it helped me dive in. I am sure tumblr would have got me to it eventually, but seeing it from day one was a definite help.

PS: You know part of my problem? I'm just not brave enough to say what I think. I'm just scared of offending people. Pete's not. He doesn't care. That's powerful

AW: It takes a lot to just put it out there. I am not sure if I had the amount of eyes on me that you do that I would be so "fuck you I will do/say what I want" as I am. Hell I become such a shadow of myself when at work with how quiet and polite I am. I mean I am still pierced and tatted with short hair so visually I say a lot, but then I watch my speech to make us for it.

(Follow up on 8/25/2015)

Patrick Stump: That is amazing and I'm very flattered. By the way; Been thinking about our conversation from a year ago a lot. The takeaway is this: Saying "All lives matter," and "Not all cops," while literally true are contextually horrendous. Really awful. In retrospect I feel pretty awful about saying both. Specifically because "All lives matter," can carry a lot of implications. Who's lives? I meant by it that Latinos and Muslims are also unreasonably targeted/mistreated/murdered by cops. But is it as systematic or blatant as it is with darker skinned Americans? Not remotely. Furthermore, as a white man, I just need to remember how fucking easy I have it. It's easy for me to preach peace and unflinching patience when I've NEVER been a victim of the War On Drugs or the aftermath of straight up slavery. So there's a lot to think about in terms of what I, a white guy, have to say and do about the situation. But not a lot I have to say about the way it feels to be oppressed to the point of feeling like less than a citizen of this country. I shouldn't have spoken about it because I don't/can't know. Well-meaning white folks get to talk about policy changes and do everything we can to help, otherwise we should get the fuck out of the way. I'm sorry, really REALLY sorry to the world that I ever said either of those things. It's more than "Fuck the police." It's "Fuck this whole system." And as aware as I'd been, I hadn't realized how complacent in it I was. Anyway, disgusted I said what I said. Sorry to the whole world for being part of the problem

#text #fall out boy #patrick stump #black lives matter

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starbuckie · 4 years

Text

Some Quarantine Lovin’ Chapter Five: Love is a Many Splendored Thing

Marvel Highschool! AU

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Warnings: Obscene amounts of fluff, kissing, swearing, kinda a lot of angst

Description: Bucky Barnes is absolutely, no doubt about it, in love with Y/N L/N. He’s loved her since the day he laid eyes on her in the third grade. He loved her when he had his own girlfriend, and when he was barely friends with her for a whole summer. And of course, in his freshman year, they are now stuck together. In a house. During a worldwide quarantine. This should be fun.

**WARNING: MENTIONS OF DEATH, CAR CRASH, MENTIONS OF ABUSE, AND INJURY IN THIS CHAPTER**

Words: 5,207 words

A/N: Hey guys! We’re almost at the end of this series, and I’m a little sad. This was my first ever fic, so it’s always gonna be my baby. This chapter deals with death, mentions of abuse, and a car crash, so if you didn’t see my warning above, and you are triggered by any of these things, please do not read because I don’t want to upset any of you. However, if you do read and find something offensive, please please contact me and I will do my best to fix it, and I don’t mean any harm at all, and am sorry in advance. Also, I listened to this “howlos” playlist while writing this and it is an absolute masterpiece. Moving on from that, thank you so much to my beta @transparentfestivaltiger as always, and thank you for reading!

(also seb looks like a freakin’ baby here)

Things didn’t change as much as Bucky thought they would after he and Y/N confessed to each other. They still had the same sweet friendship from before, but now they could sneak in a kiss or two, and there were a lot more heated glances and affection.

As soon as Y/N’s parents had come home that evening, they knew exactly what had happened. Of course, Mary and Charlie L/N had known that the pair of best friends liked each other: it had been obvious since the third grade. Though Y/N and Bucky may have not realized it that early, they had practically been an old married couple since the beginning of their friendship. Now that they were in a “relationship”(or as much of one as they could be in while quarantined together), they weren’t allowed to sleep in the same room together, and they were watched a lot closer. While Bucky blushed and apologized every time Y/N’s parents caught them kissing, Y/N laughed. She knew her parents were happy for her, and frankly, it was adorable to see Bucky turn into a bumbling mess.

It had only been two weeks into quarantine when they had kissed, so they unfortunately still had to go to classes. Of course, no one else knew about it but their friends, but Bucky wanted to yell it to the world, thus having him proclaim, “I kissed Y/N L/N!” in their physics class, which disturbed Mr. Fury, but he congratulated them nonetheless. Yeah, there was non stop teasing from their classmates after that.

The weeks kept rolling by, and soon enough, they had a week off of school for spring break, when Bucky took his best girl on a date. The two claimed to be in a relationship, but after Sam pointed out that Bucky had never actually asked Y/N out on a first date, he panicked. With the help of her parents, he managed to pull off a date at Prospect Park, right by the big lake. Bucky had insisted on being a “proper gentleman” like his mama has taught him, and went so far as to pick Y/N up from the front door, which her parents swore was the cutest thing they had ever seen. He made his mom’s old pumpkin pancake recipe, and they had breakfast for lunch, sitting in the grass, just talking for hours, and trying to refrain from removing their masks so they could make out with each other. Once it had finally hit evening, they walked hand in hand on the way back to her house and spent the rest of the night watching movies and cuddling.

After that, the duo wanted to spend the rest of spring break catching up on sleep that they had missed, but Y/N’s mom forced them to wake up at eight in the morning every day that week to get exercise. Neither of them were pleased. However, as much as they disliked the exercise, it gave them a chance to be alone. Y/N and Bucky went on tons of walks around Brooklyn, strolling down memory lane as they found someplace that they had forgotten about from when they were younger. It was nice for the two of them to just talk about their futures and how much the virus would affect it.

Spring break was unwillingly coming to an end, but Mr. L/N refused to let either one of the students be seen in online classes until they had cut their hair. Sure, it was only mid-April, but Bucky’s hair had turned into a messy flop of brown hair that fell just past his ears. While Y/N opted to cut her hair herself(which resulted in a choppy, uneven cut that Bucky and her family made fun of), Bucky asked Y/N to cut it for him.

“Are you sure, Buck?” She chided. “You saw how mine came out, and you make fun of it, yet you still ask me to do it?”

The messy-haired boy sat in a chair in the bathtub, in just his boxers, holding a spray bottle of water. “Y/N, your hair may look like shit,” he grinned at her face of mock offense, “But I trust you completely with mine. Plus, you’ll actually be looking at it while you cut.”

“I was looking when I did my hair!” Y/N argued.

Bucky laughed at her exasperation. “If you were looking in the mirror while cutting that, it makes it so much more sad.” She scoffed at his witty comeback and snipped off a piece of his hair. “Hey, give me a warning!”

“Sorry, baby,” she giggled. “Are you ready now?” With a deep exhale and nod of his head, Y/N took the spray bottle from his hands and began to dampen his hair. It didn’t take too long, just a few quick snips by the base of his neck, and she considered it done, and a hell of a lot less scruffy looking. She had spent her last day of break looking at styles and instructions on how to cut hair on Pinterest, and while she knew she wasn’t a professional, she thought she did pretty damn well.

“Okay, Buck, you can look now.” Y/N handed him a small compact mirror, and he dramatically squeezed his eyes shut. Rolling her eyes at his reaction, she said, “Come on, quit being a drama queen. I think you look very handsome.”

Finally, Bucky opened his eyes and looked at his shorter cut. She was right, it didn’t look too bad, and he looked less “homeless” as her father had called it. Running a hand through his freshly cut hair, he grinned, but stopped after taking in her words. “Was I not handsome before, doll?” He wore a small frown on his face, which Y/N kissed off.

“Buck, you’re always handsome, don’t be silly.”

He smirked and pulled her onto his lap. “I know.”

She leaned her head down on his shoulder and whispered, “Cocky bastard.” He delivered a pinch to her hip, which made her yelp. Grinning, he kissed her and she turned in his lap to straddle him. Her hands slipped into his freshly cut hair and tugged, making him moan a little into her parted lips. During their make out, however, they didn’t hear the footsteps of Mrs. L/N, and only looked up when they heard her groan.

“Good lord, can you two not keep your hands off of each other for five goddamn seconds?” Y/N quickly got up from Bucky’s lap under her mom’s careful watch. “Ria is on the phone, right now, but I’ll tell her to call back.”

At the mention of her older sister, Y/N jumped out of the bathtub. “No! No, I'm here, let me talk to her!” She scrambled to get to the phone, but slipped on the bath mat and landed on the tile with an “oof”. Bucky, being the protective boyfriend he was, immediately got up and ran to her.

“Are you okay, doll?” Her nose was a little red from bumping it on the ground, but she grinned nonetheless. Ria’s laughter could be heard over the phone, and her mom was trying very hard to stifle her laughter. With a quick nod, she took Bucky’s hand and got up.

“I’m great! Ria, you’re a little shit.” The girl stalked over to the phone and started talking and squabbling animatedly with her sister on the call.

Bucky and Mrs. L/N took one look at each other and started cracking up together. She pulled him into a hug, and whispered, “You make her so happy, Bucky. Thank you so much.”

He looked up to this mother figure of his and shook his head. “No. Thank you, Mrs. L/N, for being so happy for us. To be honest, I didn’t think you or Mr. L/N would be too happy ‘cuz of my father.”

The older woman frowned at Bucky and looked at him dead in the eyes. “You have nothing to feel guilty about, Bucky. Your father doesn’t define you as a person and trust me, James, you are the best kid that I know. You take good care of your little sister and all who you love, and every day I think about how lucky your mother was that she got to have a kid like you.”

Bucky’s eyes started to fill with tears, but he managed to whisper out a “thank you” with a croaky voice. Dropping a kiss to his forehead, Mrs. L/N walked away, leaving him with a sad smile on his face until Y/N popped her head back into the bathroom.

“Buck! Ria wants to talk to us both! She misses you a ton.” He wiped the tears from his eyes, which Y/N noticed, but didn’t mention, and went to grab his hand to walk to her bedroom and talk to Ria.

School started again the next day, leaving the six students in their friend group complaining and nearly on the verge of crying within the first two classes. They didn’t have finals this year, but teachers still assigned them “tests”, which really were the same thing with a different name.

As it grew closer and closer to the end of the year, it became hotter and hotter, Y/N and Bucky becoming sweaty messes in their study rooms. One particular early May afternoon, Y/N sat in her bedroom, waiting for her play rehearsal to start. This year, they were (going) to put on a production of Steve Martin’s Picasso at the Lapin Agile. She was cast as Freddy, the local Parisian bartender, so she was working on her accent with her lines from her script.

“Yeah, well, we're all writers, aren't we? He's a writer that hasn't been published, and I'm a writer who hasn't written anything.” Y/N spoke loudly. From behind her, she heard a booming laugh.

Bucky stood in her doorway, grinning, no shirt on due to the blaring hot weather. “If that was your French accent, then you definitely need to keep working on it.”

He walked into the room, swooping down to place a kiss on Y/N’s awaiting lips. His arms would’ve wrapped themselves around her shoulders, but she quickly pushed him back. Chucking at his frowning expression, she said, “It is way too hot to be hugging me right now, but we can settle for a romantic high five.”

“A what?”

She sighed like it was the most obvious thing. “Well, as much as I would love to, I cannot hug you right now because it’s too hot. What I can offer you, however, is a romantic high five. A high five that says, we’re not just friends, but we’ve been dating for about a month and it’s not just platonic.”

Amused expression on his face, he plopped himself down on her bed. “And how would one share a ‘romantic high five’ with their ridiculously beautiful girlfriend?” Grinning, she walked over to him and gave him a high five while kissing him. He smiled against her lips, and asked, “Like that?”

With one more peck, she sat back in her seat and picked up her phone. “Exactly like that.” They were fools who were completely, and utterly in love with each other, though neither of them had said it to the other yet. Lovesick smiles painted on their faces, they both sat staring at each other until Mrs. L/N suddenly broke into the room, wide eyes teary and a frown on her face. Both of the kids looked to each other, then at the mom.

“Mom, what is it?” It was concerning for Y/N to see her mom in this panicked state, considering that her mom was well put together, and she had only seen her break down on a few occasions.

She turned to Bucky, and with a small voice, said, “It's your father, Bucky. He’s gotten into a crash.”

Silence.

That was all that was left in the room. When Bucky’s heartbeat stopped pounding, he could hear his harsh breathing and see Y/N in front of him, her hand covering his heart. “James, can you hear me? You passed out.” Her hand moved to his cheek to wipe off tears he hadn’t even known were falling. “My mom’s getting Becca into the car so we can go to the hospital, though I told her you might not want to go right now. He’s going to be in surgery for the next few hours, but it’s whatever you need, okay, James? Whatever you need.”

He sat up, grabbing Y/N’s hands and squeezing on to them tight. “I want to go.” Though Bucky was worried, he pulled himself together on the outside. Goddamn it, Barnes, he thought, pull yourself the fuck together. He knew he was being too harsh on himself, but it was part of his nature, and he couldn’t get rid of the nagging voice in his head telling him to do better. “I’ll go put a shirt on and meet you guys in the car. Do your parents have masks?” Y/N nodded, tears in her eyes, and placed a featherlight kiss to his forehead before he left.

He grabbed a hoodie from the guest room, and turned to leave, but saw Becca’s baby animal book. It had been his before, something his mom would read to him to calm him down, and he saw it as his comfort object. Snagging it from the bedside table, he ran through the halls and out the door, where he saw Mr. and Mrs. L/N sitting in the front, and Y/N waiting for him with the car door open on the left side. He and Y/N climbed into the back seat and strapped themselves in, trapping Becca in her car seat in between the two teens.

Becca’s pretty blue eyes were teary, and she whimpered quietly, almost as if she knew what was going on around her. She was just one year old, still so innocent, and wasn’t even aware that her father never looked after her, or beat her mother before she had died giving birth to her. Bucky grabbed onto her foot softly, an action that consoled Becca’s quiet cries.

The car rumbled beneath them, and Y/N looked over to Bucky on the other side of the car. His face was stoic, staring out of the window with a sheen of calm surrounding him. His eyes weren’t teary anymore, but she could see the storm that was brewing beneath them. She knew that he was worrying a lot, his thoughts probably a jumbled mess of negativity, and underlying guilt. It wasn’t his fault, not even close, but she knew for a fact he was blaming himself anyway. She reached over to lay her palm over the hand that was holding Becca’s foot, and Bucky looked over to Y/N’s eyes, and gave her a small, sad smile.

The rest of the car ride was silent, Y/N’s parents choosing to say nothing, knowing that Bucky didn’t want to talk. He would always get closed off with his emotions during hard times, and it took him a very long time to open up about his feelings. When the New York-Presbyterian Brooklyn Methodist Hospital came into view, Bucky’s heart started to beat at an alarming rate.

“Y/N, Bucky, how about we drop you off at the front, okay? Tell them that you are his son, they’ll help you.” Y/N’s mom was facing them, trying to remain calm. Bucky nodded, and when they pulled up to the front, the two students worked together to get Becca out of her seat and jump out of the car. Y/N hoisted the small baby up onto her hip as Bucky grabbed her hand and led them inside the doors.

The light was an unnatural blinding white, and people surrounded the waiting room with masks on. There were people sleeping, people tapping their feet nervously, and people looking like they would love nothing more than to get out of the room. Briskly, the two marched up to the reception desk. Surprisingly, it was Bucky who spoke up.

“Excuse me, ma’am, my name is James Barnes, I’m the son of George Barnes, and I believe he’s in surgery right now. His contacts are the same for all of us, and I think you called a Mary L/N to inform us of the accident.”

The pretty blonde at the desk looked surprised at the straightforward greeting from the young boy, but she just adjusted her mask over her nose a bit more and nodded. After a few seconds of typing, she turned to the side and grabbed a file of paperwork. “Hi James, my name is Tina, and I’m a nurse here. Your dad is going to be in surgery for about an hour more I believe, but here’s the paperwork that you or Mrs. L/N are going to need to fill out. If you have any questions, you can come ask me.”

With a quick thank you to Tina, the three children went to go sit in the back of the waiting room, where a small cluster of seats stood. Y/N texted her mom to let her parents know that they had made it inside quickly while Bucky started filling out the forms. “Wait, Y/N, can you ask your mom to bring the book that’s sitting in the backseat?”

He knew it was trivial, but he really needed that book. Y/N could see the pleading in his eyes, and nodded without question. She would have to ask him later. “Of course, James.” She always called him James during serious moments, knowing that it was what his mom called him, and it soothed him a lot. He continued to fill out the information he knew on the papers. About ten minutes later, Mr. and Mrs. L/N came in, masks on and book in hand from the parking lot. There was only one seat left, so Mr. L/N let his wife sit as he stood and looked around the area.

It was surprisingly very quiet for the next hour and a half. Bucky had finished the paperwork with the help of Mrs. L/N within thirty minutes, but he spent the rest of his time assuring Steve’s family he was okay on a phone call and reading the baby book to Becca over and over again.

“Not a hot dog; my hot dog.” Bucky spoke in a higher pitched voice than normal. He was always gentle with his little sister, wanting her to know that he was a calming, caring presence in comparison to his loud father. Becca pointed to the pigeon holding a hot dog on the page, giggling and spouting nonsensical baby gurgles.

Y/N smiled at the two, and closed her eyes while listening to Bucky read the children’s book. Though he had read it numerous times in their time in the waiting room, his soothing voice just lulled her to sleep even more. She hummed a song under her breath, and let sleep take over her.

“Mary L/N! Is there a Mary L/N in here?” A nurse dressed in baby blue scrubs and a mask entered the waiting room and Bucky shot out of his chair. Y/N rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and brought Becca closer to her chest. As Y/N’s mom raised her hand, the nurse walked towards them. “Can I talk to you alone please?”

Bucky and Y/N looked at each other with confusion written on their faces, but Mrs. L/N answered the kind nurse before Bucky could open his mouth. “Of course, lead the way.”

He knew what this meant. There was no other reason that the nurse would ask to speak to the parent alone, and his heartbeat started speeding up again. A lump rose in his throat, and he was barely able to say, “Can I hold my sister please?” Y/N nodded, knowing what the nurse and her mom were talking about as well. She handed the now quiet baby over to his shaking hands, and looked into his eyes.

They didn’t even shed a tear.

Bucky could barely remember walking down the white hallways, turning the corner, taking deep breaths and holding onto Mrs. L/N’s hand. Y/N and her dad weren’t allowed in, as they were trying to keep as low of a number as possible inside the room, so he didn’t have the comfort of his girlfriend being there with him as he faced one of his greatest fears.

The room was quiet when they entered, another nurse and a doctor standing at the foot of the bed where George Barnes lay. His eyes were shut from what Bucky could see, but his head was bruised and covered in a bandage, most likely covering a shaved head and gaudy scars. “He was drunk, James, he didn’t have control, and the other car didn’t see him either. He had serious trauma to the head, and a broken wrist when he entered surgery. George was in critical condition when he was brought in, but he died in surgery. I’m sorry.”

Bucky managed to nod numbly and look down at his dad. He didn’t know what to say to him. “We’ll give you a few minutes alone.” The nurses and doctor shuffled out of the room and Mrs. L/N placed a hand on the boy’s shoulder.

“Do you want me to leave, James?” Again, he softly nodded without a word and didn’t look up as her footsteps echoed away in the empty room. Bucky secured his arms around Becca better as he walked over to take his father’s cold hand.

Bucky could only hear his heartbeat, as all the monitors were off. Even his little sister was quiet, her small squirms nonexistent. He took a few deep breaths through his mouth,and let them out through his nose. His blue eyes focused on his father’s hands, ones that used to bring him so much pain and suffering, that now laid limp and still. Finally, Bucky let out the three words that he had never heard back from his father.

“I love you.” Pause. Becca started moving around again, but he shushed her gently. “I think that’s all that needs to be said. Goodbye.”

He placed a soft kiss on his dad’s temple, and left quickly. As soon as he opened the door, he pushed past all the people waiting for them to be done and made his way back to Y/N in the waiting room. He could hear the doctor calling his name after, but Mrs. L/N must have stopped him because he stopped hearing it after a while. Y/N stood up when she saw Bucky, but he silently grabbed her hand and led them outside. Glancing over her shoulder, she shooed her dad away, and followed him outside.

She didn’t speak until they were back in the car. They had walked around for a while, realizing they didn’t know where it was. Settling into their seats, Y/N took the bottle of hand sanitizer from the front seat cup holder and squeezed some into both of their hands. “Are you okay, James?”

He looked at her with a straight face. “Yeah.” She frowned with his short answer, but she knew he wasn’t telling the whole truth.

“Bucky, you know it’s okay to cry, it’s just me here. It’s okay to let your emotions out sometimes. You can talk to me, like always.” She reached over to take his hand, but he moved it away. She knew it was just part of what he was feeling, but she couldn’t help but to feel hurt either way.

“I don’t need to let my emotions out, I’m fine,” he responded in a clipped voice. Y/N nodded softly and placed her hand on Becca’s foot, wondering what had happened. Sure, Bucky had had times where he wouldn’t talk to anyone, but eventually she would always be able to get to the bottom of it and support him. This new, closed off feeling from him was different for her, and she didn’t know what had gone wrong. It was quiet for the next twenty minutes as they waited for Y/N’s parents, and even then they barely spoke. As soon as they got back to the house in Brooklyn Heights, Bucky took Becca and immediately went to their room. Y/N let out a dejected sigh and started to head to her room to email the director of her play, when her mom stopped her.

“Honey, give him some time, okay? He’s just lost his father, and I know that he doesn’t like to talk about his feelings, but it’s different now. Both of his parents have passed, and it’s a really big change for him.” She brought her daughter into a hug and dropped a kiss on her cheek before retiring to her room. Y/N walked into her room, flopping on her bed, quiet tears for her boyfriend rolling down her face.

Bucky didn’t attend dinner that night, which was okay with the rest of them. Y/N was still having a hard time not going to his room and smothering him in sweet nothings and hugs, but she understood that he needed time to process the past few hours. Her mom was right: it was a huge change. He was now orphaned, and only fifteen. Eventually, he’d need new guardians, and none of his close family was alive, and his other relatives from Romania probably had no clue he existed.

At around one in the morning, when Y/N’s parents had fallen asleep, Y/N crept out of her room quietly to check on Bucky. The door creaked a bit when it opened, giving her a view of her boyfriend sitting cross-legged on the bed, shoulders shaking from his silent sobs. He looked up upon hearing the door open, and wiped his tears off as fast as he could. “Hey, doll.”

She didn’t say anything but simply pushed him back down onto the bed gently and wrapped her arms around him. It took a few seconds, but the tears started falling again, his crying quiet. Y/N just held him for a few minutes, as he let out his tears, and rubbed his chest soothingly. When he was done, he kissed her gently and said, “Thank you.” It took another few moments, but he started talking soon enough. “I shouldn’t be sad. Right? I mean, he’s the man who hit me and my ma relentlessly, and all my life has been nothing but hell because of him. I should be fucking celebrating right now. Right?”

His watery blue eyes stared into hers, and she sighed, taking Bucky’s hands and bringing them to a sitting position. “I think it makes sense.” Y/N whispered.

Makes sense? It made no sense to him. “How can you say that?” He questioned incredulously. “This man treated us like shit, he blamed Becca for my mom’s death, he would hit me, tell me I’m not good enough,and I still worked my ass off for him. He didn’t love us! And after all the shit he put us through, put me through, why do I still care? Why do I still love him? It doesn't make sense.” Hot tears slipped down his face again, as he whispered, “It doesn’t make sense.”

He started to cry again, and Y/N pulled his head into the crook of her neck as his arms latched like vices around her torso. Running her fingers through his short brown hair, she said, “It may not make sense to you, but no matter what, as horrible as he was, that man is still your father. What he did to you was evil, pure evil, it truly was, but I can understand why after everything you’ve been through, you still love him. It doesn’t make you less of a man or weak. It makes you stronger, and I can’t be more proud of the person you’ve become since I met you. You have nothing to feel sorry for, James Buchanan Barnes. This is not your fault. None of this is.”

She moved her lips to his, and they moved against each other languidly. “I love you, James.”

His eyes opened, and hers watered up at her confession. “I love you too, Y/N.” They brought their lips together again, her thumbs rubbing small circles onto his cheekbones as they breathed each other in. When they finally pulled away, Bucky had the smallest of smiles playing across his lips. “Thank you, Y/N.”

Y/N made sure Bucky was staring at her directly, and she spoke with a firm voice. “Whatever comes next, we’ll get through it together. I promise, James.” Pressing his lips against hers one more time, he grabbed his phone off the stand and started to swipe through it. “Are you okay, Buck? You need anything? We can talk more if you need.”

Opening Spotify, he opened his “Slow Dance with Y/N” playlist. “I Can’t Believe That You’re In Love With Me” by Billie Holiday started playing, and Y/N knew exactly what he was doing. Bucky had had the playlist since the sixth grade, when he first bought his phone with the money he earned from babysitting, and the pair had danced to it numerous times before he had started dating Dot. But he didn’t even play that with her. No, this one was for his best girl, no matter what. Y/N was too special to share with anyone. Offering her his left hand with a shy grin, Y/N smiled big with an eye roll and graciously accepted it.

“Oldies music again, Bucky?” She was teasing him, and he knew it as well. Y/N absolutely adored this playlist, that he made just for the two of them, with her entire heart. Pulling her flush against his chest, his right hand coming to rest on her waist, he kissed her hair lightly.

“Well, you have always called me old fashioned, sweetheart.” He twirled her around, her giggling as they danced around the room. Becca slept soundly in the crib and the moonlight illuminated their faces. “I think this song fits in well right now.”

Y/N sighed, letting her eyes close. “It really does.” After a few seconds, she remembered her previous question that had gone unanswered and asked again. “Are you sure you don’t want to talk about anything else, Buck?”

“I think I’m done, doll. I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Just wanna dance with you.”

And he did, softly dancing barefoot, with the occasional twirl, until falling asleep hours later. When Y/N’s parents came to check in on them the next morning, they smiled seeing their daughter and the boy she loved so dearly wrapped around each other, quiet snores escaping the both of them.

TAGLIST

@transparentfestivaltiger @barnesjamcs @kitkatd7 @adorkably

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #374

“doctor, doctor, won’t you please prescribe me something? / a day in the life of someone else...”

Does someone have a crush on you but you don’t feel the same way? No. Who do you feel most beautiful around? No one. What’s one makeup item you cannot live without? I could live without any makeup. What’s the most expensive thing you own? My snake, I think. Or my laptop, idr. Are you more of a book person or a TV person? Book. Relationship status? Single. What color are most of your clothes? Black. Did you french kiss before you were 16? No, I was 16. Last song you listened to? "The Heretic Anthem" by Slipknot. Would you ever go back to any of your past relationships? Yes. What’s your favorite thing about life? That's a big question. I guess seeing acts of mass love and kindness, reminders that we're all in this together through all hardships. Who pays for the first date? Whoever asked the other person out, imo. Who has always been there for you? My mom. Have you ever written on a wall? No, at least not to my memory. Do you play any computer games, if so, what ones? I think anyone who reads these by now knows, haha. I don't much play anything else. I prefer console games. What would you name a baby boy if you had one? Probably Damien or Victor. What would you name a baby girl if you had one? Alessandra, no questions asked. What lyric means the most to you? I mean there's tons, but the first one that came to mind is "for such a little thing, you sure are in your own way" from "Get Up" by Mother Mother. Like in the big picture, we humans are so so so minuscule, but with brains that are too complicated for our own good. It's my own head that creates so many obstacles for me. Who is the smartest person you know? Probably my friend Girt. Have your parents ever been to jail? No. Do you share a bed with anyone? My cat, haha. Does it flatter you when guys open doors for you? It's flattering if anyone does, not just guys. Do you enjoy taking naps? Yeah. That's like part of my daily routine. If your friend asked you to hold their drugs, would you? Nope. Is there anyone you try to be a good influence for? My nieces and nephew, but I don't feel like I am. I'm a poor example of an adult. Do you own a pair of fishnets? No, but I have a pair of fingerless fishnet gloves. Which do you prefer: french toast, bagels, pancakes, waffles, bacon or cereal? All are great, but french toast. Yes or no: eyebrow piercings? I'd actually have one if I didn't have glasses. I think I'd look weird with one as I look now. When I say "The Beatles," what is the first song that comes to mind? "Hey, Jude." In your opinion, what is the very worst type of weather? Extremely hot and humid. You can only listen to one band for the rest of your life, who do you pick? Ozzy Osbourne, of course. Can you snap with both of your hands? Yeah, but it's harder with my left. What is something that you had to learn the hard way? For some people, promises don't mean shit. If you could re-paint your bedroom, what color would you paint it? Maybe like a light peach. When was the last time you got butterflies? I think not since Sara told me I look really pretty in eyeliner. ;_; <3 When was the last time you felt like your heart was actually breaking? There was this one time I was listening to "The Ghost of You" by MCR a while after finding out about Jason's mom's death and I just like... broke. When’s the last time you were in a line? When I was getting my second COVID shot. Do you trust the media? HA! Fuck no. If you could kill off one species of animal, which would it be? At first I was appalled by this question, but like... do wasps serve a purpose? Of all fauna, they annoy me the most. I mean bees are already endangered enough, and they prey on them. They don't pollinate, so like... why are you here. I may be mistaken and they have a valuable role, in which case I take all this back. Who’d you last say I love you to? My mom. What’s the most overpaid job in your opinion? I have on idea. Most jobs are underpaid. What’s the last thing you wrote down? I was doing some paperwork at the TMS office on my first day there. When’s the last time you heard a gunshot? I don’t know. What are you looking forward to? Now that my tattoo (which looks fucking stunning, by the way) is out of the way, I can focus on other things. I'm particularly looking forward to hopefully seeing the results of TMS manifest (which should take 3-4 weeks). It sounds horrible, but I'm also keenly awaiting this dog we're stuck with to go somewhere... The person who gave her to my sister to give my mom won't take the dog back, and we can't find another option that doesn't risk her being euthanized, which we absolutely do not want. We just don't know what to do, but she's driving Mom and me INSANE. Do you listen to online radio stations? No. Have you ever done something sexual that you regret? No. Have you ever said anything to the last person you kissed that you regret? Multiple things. Have you ever ate so much you puked? Ugh, no. That sounds awful. Do you care about what others think of your physical appearance? Very much, sadly. Would you rather eat cookies or brownies? I gotta say brownies. Which YouTuber have you learned the most from? I mean, this depends on the subject. From Mark, I've learned most about life and how (I think) to be a good person, but there's a lot of pet channels I watch that have taught me loads about proper husbandry. This answer just depends on what knowledge you're talkin' about. Who would you want to be the flower girl at your wedding? Probably a niece. Do you want to be married within the next ten years? It'd be nice. Do you feel like your life is too fast-paced, or do you wish it were busier? Ugh, I wish it was busier. My days are a COMPLETE, routine drag. What are some hobbies which you want to pick up? I want to just be more artsy. I wanna draw and write more, and I'd love love love to be in healthy enough shape to handle going on walks with my camera. There are sometimes I miss editing videos, too. I'm unsure about completely new hobbies. Does anyone encourage you to go after your dreams? My family and a few friends. Oh, and definitely my psychiatrist. What group are you most active in on Facebook? None, really. I mostly just observe. Are you ashamed of anything? A number of things. Primarily not having a job at my age or even being in school. What were your favorite Disney rides as a kid? I loved Splash Mountain, I think it was called. What were your favorite rides at Cedar Point? Never been. What are some places you want to visit that you’ve never been? South Africa, Alaska, Canada, Yellowstone National Park, Bahamas, Venice, Rome... What are some places that you’ve been that you’d like to go to again? Disney World, Chicago, and this one super clear lake I swam in once a few hours away that I don't recall the name of. Have you ever owned a succulent? No. While they're pretty, I've never been much of a plant person. Do you support small businesses? I REALLY want to start doing that more when I have the option to buy my own stuff/have my own income. As someone who wants to be a freelance photographer, I get it. Starting an independent business is hard as hell. If a brand were to sponsor you, which brand(s) would you prefer? Uhhh I dunno. Have you read the entire Bible? No. Do you make bucket lists for each season? No. That does sound kinda fun, though. How old were you when you first dyed your hair? I have no idea. Do you dye your hair regularly? No. :/ I desperately want to, though. It's just not something we can afford to spare cash on. What is the most comfortable type of pants, in your opinion? Pajama pants? haha Do you think you could ever be famous? No. I'm way too boring and don't want to be anyway. What are some jobs you’ve had in the past? Sales associate, cashier, and deli worker. None lasted long whatsoever. What are some jobs you want to or would like to have? List five. FIVE? I don't know. I just know I want to be a photographer. Well, being an artist or poet would be very cool. And a reptile breeder, maybe tarantulas, too, but that makes me kinda nervous with JUST how many babies they have. What are some jobs you have considered? In rough order from youth to now: paleontologist, vet, movie director, game designer, author/poet, artist, music video editor, wildlife biologist, photographer... Maybe there's more that just aren't coming to me. Are you thankful for social media, or do you wish it didn’t exist? Depends on the day for me, but I'm generally thankful for it so I can keep up with the lives of people who are important to me. It's just that it's a breeding ground for self-doubt and rampant comparisons that can easily depress me when I see some people are "further ahead" and more "established" than me. What are some of the best medications you’ve ever had? The combined efforts of Latuda and Lamictal saved my life. What was a video you watched over and over as a kid? There were lots of movies, like The Lion King, a certain Barney one when I was very young, and I watched Finding Nemo like crazy. Do you know a lot of people who were loving, and then turned cold? Jason????????????????? Is that you??????????????????????????????????????????? Do you own anything plaid? Ha, what a coincidence, I'm wearing my red plaid pj pants. Are you good at remembering names? Definitely not. Have the cops ever gotten on to you for anything before? No. What email thingy do you use? (yahoo, gmail, rock) ... Rock? lol anyway my main is Hotmail, but I inevitably have a gmail to have a YouTube account. What game system(s) do you own? PS2, Wii, Nintendo DS Lite, and a GameBoy Advance. Are you any good at Guitar Hero? I used to be; I played most songs on Expert, then some really tough ones on Hard. I was soooooo addicted to those games. I remember when I got the first one for Christmas, I literally played it all day. Have you ever played Call of Duty? Nah, not my jam. What is your favorite/most visited website? YouTube. Is your bed comfortable? Sure. I've definitely had way worse. Do you have a garage? No. Fun fact, I've never lived in a house with one. Should you be doing anything right now? What? There's a number of things I could be doing that are definitely more productive, like finishing decorating my damn room. Do doctors or dentists make you more nervous? Not really. I only ever get nervous to hear my weight at the doctor's. Did you ever think you were about to die before? I don't quite know. When I ODed, it was more like I didn't care if I did. Have you ever really had a near death experience? Was it cool? "Was it cool." Literally fuck off. I guess you could technically consider my OD a "near death experience," especially given how many pills I took, yet I somehow experienced almost no ill symptoms. Maybe because we got to the ER for fluids quickly enough, idk. I'm just glad I didn't die. What is your favorite kind of weather? Snowy! Like a steady snowfall of large flakes with no breeze and total silence. *chef's kiss* Ever tasted beer? Ugh, no. Just the smell makes me sick. It was my dad's drink of choice when he was an alcoholic so I just have a very negative association with it. Have you ever seen a dead body? Yes, at an open-casket wake. Ever poured salt on a slug? As kids, my sisters and I would get our parents to do it because they grossed us out. So, so cruel. I still have this weird but pretty extreme phobia of them, but I wouldn't torture the things like that.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''don't let me get me'' by p!nk

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stupidsexyfandom · 4 years

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Armistice

@helsa-summer-event

Rated T // Drama, Modern AU

The gang engage in a classic beat-the-heat activity for people who don’t have central air: going to the movies.

Written for Prompt #5 of Helsa Summer: We’re cool in the summer.

“Come to the movies with me and Kristoff.”

“I thought you said it was too hot to do anything?” Hans smiled against the phone. He had long ceased to be surprised by Anna calling him up out of the blue to hang out, despite their messy breakup a year before. What he was not expecting was to be invited on a movie date with her new boyfriend. Something else had to be going on.

“I meant that it was too hot to do anything else. The theaters are air-conditioned, and the matinee tickets are cheap. Plus, I hear they have those deluxe reclining seats.” Anna acted oblivious to his probing. It was more likely that she was deliberately avoiding his unasked question.

“Don’t you have any other friends?” He kept his tone light and teasing.

“Well, yeah, but they’re all couples, and I don’t want Elsa to be uncomfortable. I don’t want her thinking this is a date thing.” Ah, there it was. Translation: Kristoff and I want to participate in the storied summer tradition of making out like teenagers in the dark, and I don’t want Elsa to see. Other couples would surely tip her off.

Hans sighed overdramatically and said, with faux grandiosity, “Fine. I will chaperone the chaperone while you and Kristoff get up to whatever it is you kids get up to these days. All I ask in return is a simple cone of Carvel ice cream, given to me at a prearranged time after the showing.”

“Thanks, gramps. You know, it’s a real wonder that you’re my only single friend.” He could hear Anna giggling through her sarcasm.

“Wonder no longer, for the truth is that I am simply too cool for all of you.”

“Sure, whatever you have to tell yourself. We’re seeing the latest Star Wars. Meet us in the parking lot at 4.”

It really is too hot to do anything else, thought Hans as he walked across the parking lot. Heat radiated up from the asphalt, the air shimmering with humidity. He saw the others standing by Kristoff’s truck, looking ready to wilt. Anna and Kristoff were dressed casually, seemingly taking their not-a-date act seriously. Elsa looked overdressed in comparison, out of place in her sleeveless button-up.

“Hey, Hans,” Anna called to him. He raised a hand in greeting. Kristoff gave him a friendly nod, while Elsa made no acknowledgement that she had even seen him.

“Hey, guys. I hope I haven’t kept you waiting?”

“No, we just got here,” said Anna, “Let’s go inside, I can’t stand to be out here any longer.”

They purchased their tickets and made their way to the appointed theater. Kristoff filed into their row first, then Anna, then Hans. Elsa sat next to him at the end of the row. Almost as soon as they had sat down, the lights dimmed.

As the trailers played, Hans was keenly aware of Elsa next to him. She perched on the edge of her seat, ignoring the reclining function. Hans figured he had better do the same so she could not look past him to the end of the row. She seemed ill at ease. Even in the darkness, he could see her white hands fidgeting out of the corner of his eye. He wondered if she was ever able to relax. Beside him, Kristoff had already pulled Anna into his lap. Their attention was clearly not on the screen. It seemed to Hans this rather defeated the purpose of coming to the movie theater to cool down, but what did he know?

Just after the opening crawl, he heard Elsa hiss, “I’m getting popcorn.” She stood up abruptly. Hans did the same, attempting to shield Kristoff and Anna from view. The sudden movement filled his vision with white. Let it never be said that he did not take his role of chaperone seriously. He followed her out of the theater.

When they reached the lobby, Elsa did not join the concessions line. Instead she kept walking out onto the sidewalk. The sun beat down on them, and Hans was instantly too hot. She whirled to face him, looking irritated.

“Look, I don’t need a babysitter!”

“A babysitter?” Hans feigned innocence.

“I know Anna wasn’t expecting me to say yes when she asked me to come. She thinks that just because I’ve never has a boyfriend, I don’t know what she and Kristoff are up to. I know, and I don’t care. But I do care that you keep hanging around my sister. How dare you, after what you did to her?”

Ah, he should have figured. Anna had never been one to hold a grudge. She may have given him a whopper of a black eye, but they had managed to awkwardly patch up their differences. It might even be said that they were now friends. Elsa was a different story. She had always come off as restrained, but Hans had suspected that a quiet intensity lay beneath the surface. The thrill of being proven right paled in comparison to the discomfort of being the recipient of her ire.

“Anna invited me here. We’ve worked things out.”

“Unfortunately for both of us, Westergaard, Anna is a far better person than I will ever be. That’s why you need to stay away from her!” A few wisps of hair had escaped from Elsa’s updo. They glowed golden in the light of the late afternoon sun. It struck him that she was very beautiful when she was angry, but he pushed the thought away. For one thing, Elsa was always beautiful. For another, that information was really, really not helpful or relevant right then.

“I’m sorry about what I did to her— to both of you. I can’t tell you how sorry I am. But all I can do is try to be better and to leave the past in the past. I hope you can give me that chance.”

“This isn’t about me. I can leave behind your petty games. I can leave behind the way you tried to snipe that internship out from under me. I can even forget how you spread rumors that I was having a nervous breakdown and should be ejected from the program.” Hans wanted to retort that the rumors had mostly been spread by Duke Weselton, and anyway, wasn’t the nervous breakdown thing true? But the past year had taught him that sometimes the snappiest response was not the best one. Half the battle of becoming a nicer person was just keeping his mouth shut.

Instead he said, “But you did get that internship. All I got was academic probation, which I’ve only now been removed from. I’m sorry that I hurt you, but I don’t know what else I can do.”

“I told you, I’m over it. But I can’t leave behind the way you used my sister because you thought our name would further your career. I can’t forget how cruel you were when you dumped her. And I’ll never forget how you left her at that party afterwards, drunk and alone. She could have died! Thank God Kristoff was there. He had to take her to the ER!” Elsa’s voice had risen, the tension between them as palpable as the humid air. Hans felt his own temper coming to a boil. His flaw in arguments had always been escalating to match the other person.

“I didn’t realize it was her first college party, and I certainly didn’t realize she had drunk so much! Yes, I shouldn’t have said those things to her. But it’s not like I was her only reason to get wasted. You never did her any good. She was so lonely because you were never around! She was always telling me how you never answered her calls. She invited you that night, and for once she thought you were really going to come. But you weren’t there!” Hans regretted the words as soon as they were out of his mouth. If half of not being a jerk was shutting up, the other half was taking responsibility for his own actions, and he had just blown both in one shot. Elsa stared up at him with such anguish in her eyes that it almost hurt to look at her. She reacted like an injured wildcat.

“You say that like it makes you any better! Yeah, I may be barely holding it together, and I may be failing Anna in every way that matters! But at least I’m not an asshole like you!” She looked close to the breaking point both physically and emotionally, as if she might collapse at any moment. Hans fought the sudden urge to reach out and comfort her. She might seem helpless in the moment, but he knew she would sooner bite off his head than cry on his shoulder.

“Elsa, I didn’t mean—” But her pain had been replaced by cold fury.

“Save it, Westergaard. I need to cool down. Here’s what’s going to happen. I will leave Anna and Kristoff to their covert activities, and I suggest you do the same. But first, I’m going inside for fifteen seconds to splash some water on my face. When I come back out, you had better not be here.” Elsa’s voice was cool and sharp as ice.

“Don’t you at least want to see the rest of the movie?” said Hans, although he was certain this situation was beyond saving. Elsa gave a harsh laugh.

“Hardly. I read the spoilers online, and I have no desire to watch Kylo Ren get redeemed on the big screen.”

“So you don’t believe in redemption? Not even for love?”

“People don’t change, Westergaard. Not through love, and not through death. Some things can never be forgiven.” And then she was gone, the theater door slammed shut in his face.

Hans did not want to see what would happen if he ignored her directive, so he walked to the grocery store next door. Through the front window, he watched Elsa emerge from the theater and storm into the Carvel across the parking lot. She sat at the counter with only a water, her head in her hands. After watching her for a few minutes, he decided to kill time until the movie ended. He walked up and down every aisle, fantasizing about climbing into a freezer case. The air conditioning and the familiar surroundings eventually calmed him down.

When he felt enough time had passed, he made his way back to the cinema. He slipped into the back row of the theater to catch the tail end of the movie. As the credits rolled, he met up with Anna and Kristoff outside the door to the lobby.

“Did you guys like the movie?” he asked, “What did you think of the part where they revealed Palpatine was merely a puppet controlled by Obi-wan Kenobi?”

“It was great,” said Kristoff at the same time as Anna said, “Palpatine was in this movie?” They stared at him blankly until he started laughing.

“Oh, the looks on your faces! Speaking of which, Kristoff, you’ve got a little something…” He gestured vaguely at his face. Kristoff wiped away a smear of lip gloss as Anna giggled.

“Where’s Elsa?” she asked, “I thought you were together?”

“She’s at Carvel. I’m afraid we had a bit of a blowout. I’m not exactly her favorite person. I’d better take a raincheck on that ice cream; I don’t think she wants to see me right now.”

“Oh no! I’d better go make sure she’s all right. I’m sorry about the ice cream, Hans. Next time!” She raced out of the theater, Kristoff trailing behind her. Hans watched through the window as they comforted Elsa. Although he remained in the cinema, his mind drifted back to the earlier argument. Christ, he really had behaved like an ass. By the time the trio had finished their ice cream, he realized he had been standing there too long. He made his way towards the door.

“Excuse me, sir!” He turned. One of the cinema employees was approaching him, waving something in her hand.

“Your girlfriend left these in the rest room.”

“She’s not my…” But Hans shut his mouth when he saw the medicine bottle he had been handed. As he read the name of the drug, several things dropped into place. He thought he understood now why she seemed so anxious all the time, why she rarely went out, why she didn’t answer her sister’s calls.

They met the next day on neutral ground, in the movie theater parking lot. The weather was cool and gray after the rain the night before. Elsa was already there when Hans pulled in, standing next to her car. There was still something stiff and formal about her appearance, but today it was softened by the voluminous braid over her shoulder. She looked as if she hadn’t slept.

“Give it to me,” she said as soon as he stepped out of the car. He produced the bottle from his pocket and handed it over. She snatched it from his grasp as if she were afraid he was going to pull it away at any moment.

“What do you want? Money? I can’t give you much, Anna will be suspicious if I withdraw from our trust account. Academic help? I can’t write your papers; they’ll know my writing style. But I can proofread and do your literature review. Or is it pull you want? I can speak to the dean, get the probation taken off your transcript. I’ll say I made it all up. Or I can talk to the board of my father’s company, I’m sure they’ll have a job offer for you. I’ll do anything you want, so long as you don’t tell anybody. Well, almost anything.” She wrapped her arms around her chest, protecting herself from some imagined fate. Hans was baffled.

“What? I don’t want any of that.”

“So you’re just going to tell everybody? My boss, the dean, my advisor? You won’t even give me a chance to buy your silence?”

“No, I’m not going to tell anybody,” he insisted. Did she seriously think he was about to blackmail her?

“Right, because I’m willing to cooperate. But you have to tell me what it is you want.” Her eyes were pleading, and she fidgeted anxiously with her hands.

“Elsa, I promise I’m not trying to blackmail you.”

“You’re not?” Her fidgeting stopped abruptly.

“No! God, no. What made you think that?”

“Your text. It was a bit cryptic.” She seemed more relaxed now, almost bordering on exhausted.

“I wasn’t sure if Anna knew, so I didn’t want to be specific.” In all the times they had discussed her sister, Anna had never mentioned Elsa’s illness. Considering how much she talked about her, Hans found it unlikely that it just never came up.

“I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions. I know it sounds paranoid, but I just couldn’t stop thinking about the rumors last time. I couldn’t go through that again. And I was so certain that you hated me enough, especially after yesterday.”

“I don’t hate you. I never hated you” Hans leaned against his car, waiting for her answer. After a few moments, she leaned next to him.

“You were right yesterday,” she said, “I’ve never done Anna any good. I couldn’t even protect her from you. You know, when you started dating, I saw the red flags. I thought, ‘What’s this grad student doing with a freshman?’ But I ignored it. I thought that you might be a more stable presence in her life. I thought that even if there was something up with you, it couldn’t be worse than me.”

“Look how that turned out,” said Hans wryly. They stood silently for what could have been a split second or an eternity.

“Anna doesn’t know,” said Elsa suddenly.

“Hm?”

“You said you weren’t sure if she knew. She doesn’t.”

“Don’t you think you should tell her?”

“I don’t know how. That night in the ER, I was so scared. I thought I was going to lose her. And I realized something had to change. If something happened, I couldn’t live with myself knowing that I had spent my whole life pushing her away. She’s all I have, and I love her dearly. It’s been hard this past year. I’ve been trying to let her in, but I don’t know how to do it without hurting her. And I don’t know if she can ever forgive me for what’s already happened. I wasn’t there when she needed me most.”

“I think we can agree,” said Hans, “that I have turned out to cause Anna far more harm than you have. But you’ve seen how readily she has forgiven me. If she can do that, I’m sure you won’t have any trouble. After all, she loves you.”

“I hope you’re right.” Hans reached out tentatively and patted her shoulder. She stiffened momentarily, but then she relaxed into the touch.

“Anyway,” he said, “you are not an asshole like me.” Elsa seemed surprised to find herself laughing, and Hans found himself joining in.

When she had pulled away from the car, Elsa said, “You know this doesn’t make us friends.”

“I would never dare to suggest such a thing. All I ask is this: truce?”

“Truce,” she replied decisively.

“Well,” he said, straightening up, “in honor of our newly-signed armistice agreement, I propose we go see a movie.”

“All right,” she agreed, “but only if we get ice cream afterwards.”

“Well, Elsa, what did you think? Did it make a case for the redemptive power of love?”

“I will concede that love is powerful enough to motivate change for the better. But change isn’t instantaneous. Redemption is a long process. You have to work for it, and it has to be earned time and time again. Death is just a lazy shorthand, and it’s bad writing.”

“You want to talk bad writing, what about my man General Hux? The guy just switched sides in the third act with no warning. The foreshadowing was nonexistent because they were too intent on fooling the audience. It was just a plot twist for the sake of a plot twist, more for shock value than because it added anything to the story. That’s bad writing.”

“I don’t know, I kind of liked him.”

“Either you’re saying that to be contrary or you just have a thing for redheads.”

“I am not being contrary!”

“So you like redheads, then?”

“I don’t!”

“You answered too quickly.”

“I didn’t!”

“Yes, you did.”

“Look, are we getting ice cream or not?”

***

Author’s Note: Modern AU is something I thought I would never write. But I did say I was apologizing today. Unfortunately, this did not turn out as light and fluffy as I had hoped. Some apology, huh? At least you got some Star Wars references out of it. Thank you all so much for reading! <3

#helsa #helsasummerevent #helsasummerevent2020 #frozen #hans #elsa #mentions of hanna #mentions of kristanna #star wars references #modern au #fanfic

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d-l-dare · 3 years

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“The Shoemaker’s Wife”

Some say love is meant to be broken. It's made to be tested and pushed to its very limit. Sometimes it's good to see how strong your bond is. Is it flimsy and can fall apart at the slightest gust of wind, or is it strong enough to survive a tornado? Of course sometimes love can be a wall that is built up around you, only to find that it was fake the entire time.

Making shoes is something that has been going on in my family for generations. My father taught me just as his father before him. He taught me everything from the best materials to use for the best comfort, to stitching them in a way that will make them last longer. And ever since his unfortunate passing, he gave me all his tools and materials for making shoes.

In his memory and our family's honor, I opened up a shoe store where every shoe inside was custom made by me. It doesn't take too long to make each shoe. And my wife helps me a lot with the stitching so we can increase the stock every week.

I love my wife. She's about as into the craft of creating shoes as I am. Granted, she used to help make shirts and shorts for her parents as a kid. She and I actually met at a crafts shop. I was in there to buy materials and I left with a stolen heart. We'd been talking and sharing our crafts every day until eventually we got married.

Not a day goes by that I don't tell my wife I love her. I even surprise her with shoes I know she'll love on her birthdays and anniversaries.

Of course I haven't been able to do much lately because my health isn't exactly in the best possible shape. I've been relying on her more and more to help with the shoes for the store. That was, before we had to close it down. We couldn't afford to keep the lights running with all the medical bills piling up.

As I became sicker and sicker, I couldn't help but notice she was going out more often, leaving me home alone. I didn't know what she was out there doing but I trusted her.

One day while she was gone I made her a pair of shoes in secret. She had no idea I was making them, but I knew everything she loved in shoes, from her favorite colors to her preferred level of softness in the shoes. It's a project I'd been working on for a few weeks at this point.

Finally, they were finished. And just in time for her birthday. I wrapped them up while she was gone, and waited in the living room until she came back. But as I waited longer and longer, I became worried. I tried calling and texting her, saying I have a surprise for her when she gets home. I stayed up and waited but I never saw her come back. When I fell asleep on the couch that night, it was the last time I'd fall into a slumber, for I was not going to be waking up the next morning.

*** I came home after taking some time away with a friend. I hated seeing my husband like that, and I needed a break from making all these shoes. Since we shut the store down, he's been making shoes with me and selling them online to help pay for his medical treatments.

I walked through the door and staggered back when I saw my husband slumped over on the couch. He wasn't breathing. I called an ambulance to come get him. He can't die on me.

In between sobs, I noticed a box cradled in his hands. There was a card on it that read 'Happy Birthday'. Had he stayed up all night to give this to me? This just made me cry harder. I felt terrible for not coming home sooner.

After the ambulance came and took him away, I opened his gift. It was a beautiful, sparking black pair of platform shoes. I put my hand on the inside, it was some kind of soft cushion like material. I was in love with them.

A few days had passed since the passing of my husband. His funeral was scheduled for next week. I was absolutely torn up about his death since I was the one responsible for it. I'd had reoccurring nightmares of him asking me why I didn't come home. There wasn't an easy way to tell him, so I never did.

I got in my car with my shoes on he'd made for me. I always wear them to honor his memory.

Some time later, I arrived at my best friend's house. He was a really good looking guy that treated me better than anyone ever had. He listened to me and knew exactly how I liked things. And he was the best at comforting me, especially now that my husband was gone.

I came in and sat next to him on his couch. He held me close and tight, letting me cry on his shoulder.

"It's the first time I've seen you since the incident," he said. "What happened when you left?"

"Hun," I started. "After I got home from what we did together, he was waiting for me to come home. He'd stayed up all night for me. I didn't have my phone on to see all the missed calls and texts from him. It's all my fault." I sobbed even harder onto his shoulder. I could feel my tears soaking through his shirt.

"Babe, you did nothing wrong," he assured me. "I'm the one that pushed you into staying late. I kissed you first."

I pushed myself back from him. I didn't even want to think about that night. I hated what I did, especially because of what followed when I came home. He had been so sick that he hadn't been able to touch me like that in months. I couldn't help myself.

I suddenly felt myself stand up and turn toward the door. What was happening? "Where are you going?" he asked.

I tried as hard as I could to tell him, but all that came out was, "I'm sorry I have to go."

I felt my hand jerk up and turn the knob and head outside. I walked down the porch and past my car. Where were my legs taking me?

I tried as hard as I could to stop myself but my body wouldn't comply. I walked and walked until I heard the horn of a train. The train tracks were right in front of me. I hoped that I would walk past them, but instead I stopped and faced where the train was supposed to be coming from. I tried as hard as I could to jerk my legs away from the tracks but they wouldn't budge. All I could do was wait for the train.

*** "What do you think happened here, boss?" I asked the officer standing next to me. We were overlooking a dead body that had splattered all over train tracks.

"It looks like a suicide," he replied. "The tags on those shoes say 'Happy Birthday' and the inscription of that shoe store that was here a few years back. I think it might have been the wife that was dead.

"You think she killed herself after her husband died?" I asked. He nodded.

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acourtofsnakes · 3 years

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Planets, Mars, Uranus, Neptune, Auriga, Capricornus, Cygnus, Libra, Scorpius, Neutron, Red Dwarf, Protostar. Sorry I know it's a lot, I'm curious about you.

Ooooohhhh do not be sorry. I adore these!!

Planets - if you could go anywhere, where would you go?

Ooooooo.... I would absolutely love to go to Canada. I’ve always been obsessed with it, and loved everything about it. I’d love to see all the forests and mountains and try all the food.

I’d also love to go to Oregon, and walk through the gorgeous wildlife.

Mars - If you could change one thing about yourself, what would you change?

I’d like to have more confidence in myself. To stop focussing and stressing about the little things and to believe in myself more. I have random moments but then I doubt them.

Uranus- What would you say is your greatest achievement?

Umm... maybe plucking up the courage to open my own online shop, selling what I love to make

Neptune - Describe yourself in one sentence

A chaotic dreamer with an obsessive personality. (?)

Auriga - If you could pick one villain from any media, who would you rather have to face and why?

Oooohh, that’s a hard one. I’m gonna have to say the Darkling from Shadow and Bone though. I know he’s a villain, but I adore him with all my heart, and I just think going up against him would be so terrifying and exhilarating. He’s just so magnetic and powerful, I think it would be an experience

Capricornus - What’s a song lyric you can relate to?

“Every face along the boulevard

Is a dreamer just like you

You looked at death in a tarot card

And you saw what you had to do” - Dying In LA, Panic! At The Disco

Cygnus - If you could go back to any time period for a couple of days, when/where would you go?

Without a doubt, the 20’s. 20’s New York for sure. I just adore everything about the 20’s - the glamour, the frivolity, the jazz - all of it.

Libra - If you could talk to your past self, what would you tell yourself?

To hold on. Eventually the storm will pass and it will get better, slowly but surely.

Scorpius - If you had to pick someone to betray you, who would you pick?

Oooo... well. I did actually get betrayed by my best friend a few years ago. It completely blindsided me for a while but taught me to always be a little cautious, and to always trust my instinct.

-Neutron - Are you more of a leader or a follower?

I would say follower. Sometimes I have/wanted to lead, but in the end, I can’t handle the pressure.

-Red dwarf - What’s your favourite smell? What smell makes you feel the most comfortable?

Both of these are absolutely without a doubt, the smell of the air when there’s a really heavy rainfall, and the smell of new books.

-Protostar - Give a random fact about yourself

I absolutely despise halloumi. I cannot stand the rubbery texture, the metallic taste, or the fact it squeaks. Food should not squeak.

#asks

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peace-coast-island · 3 years

Text

Diary of a Junebug

At the Drumbeats Festival!

Guess which camp had the honor of hosting the Drumbeats Festival? Actually, it was kind of a last minute thing. Sunny’s camp was originally going to do it but scheduling conflicts happened and since my camp’s the nearest, they decided to move it here. First the Happy Floral Festival and now this? It’s been a lucky year!

So for the past week Isabelle, Katie, Daisy Jane, and I have been working hard to get things ready for the festivities. Since we’ve had experience with the Happy Floral Festival, preparation was a lot less daunting this time around. I’ll admit, it was tight, but we managed to get it done.

Because things were a bit hectic due to last minute changes, we had help from some of the performers who arrived early. To my surprise, there were some familiar faces at the festival. One of them happens to be Hawk, the last of the BFF Squad who finally made it to the camp! His sister Paloma is one of the performers along with her partner Phoebe in a duo called Lo-Pheebs, which is a play on lo-fi. What a cool name! I’ve only met Paloma a handful of times and she’s always fun to hang around with. Phoebe perfectly compliments her in personality as they’re chill and laid back while Paloma’s enthusiastic and playfully aggressive.

Another familiar face were the Thornton bros. Ever since the entourage officially disbanded I haven’t seen much of Josh and Lake, and even less of Demetri. Shortly after leaving the entourage, Josh became Lo-Pheeb’s manager, which was unexpected but turned out to be a good fit for him. Meanwhile Lake’s been focusing on his acting career as well as trying to become an influencer and Demetri’s studying at Seashore Path while working at Kitchen Cove on the weekends. In short, they’ve all been super busy to the point that they rarely saw each other anymore, which was surprising to me as all three are super close.

The Drumbeats Festival is a music festival where all kinds of artists come together to perform. It has an indie, folk rock, lo-fi vibe that makes you feel chill and pumped up at the same time. I wasn’t familiar with many of the artists so it was great listening to and discovering new music. Lo-Pheebs is definitely on top of my list of new artists to check out!

Lo-Pheebs became a thing over a year ago, shortly after Paloma’s band Out of Sight disbanded. She met Phoebe while on tour a few years back and they became friends, later partners. Lake was the one who suggested Josh become their manager because he felt that his brother needed someone to boss around that wasn’t him or Demetri. Josh is the type of guy who can go a little overboard when it comes to being supportive, something his brothers know all too well. Paloma’s similar in that way too so that’s why they get along so well. At least Phoebe’s there to balance them out as they’re good at handling conflict and helping others see the bigger picture, something that Josh and Paloma admit they’re working on.

This year was supposed to be a busy one for Lo-Pheebs as they were finally breaking into the charts. The festival was actually their first performance in months as they decided to take some time off touring after finishing a major one earlier this year. Josh had to leave abruptly towards the end of their last tour when Lake was badly hurt while on vacation. Also, in between tour stops, Paloma was helping Hawk in Crescent Moon and Phoebe had their own family stuff to deal with. So with everything being so hectic, the duo decided to postpone their next tour and focus on studio work, resulting in their first EP, Bring Down the Beats.

Now that Lake’s almost fully recovered, Josh is slowly getting back into the swing of things. It’s good to see Lake again, especially since he almost died in a freak accident. So naturally his brothers are a bit overprotective of him, making sure that he doesn’t exert himself and such. He can’t run around and explore with his bros, but he’s perfectly content hanging around the camp and taking pics to post online. Honestly, I’m surprised that he doesn’t have more followers.

Hawk and Demetri are an unlikely duo I never saw coming. In a way, they’re kinda like Paloma and Phoebe - the enthusiastic and easily excited one and the chill and quiet one. They’re both into computers and tech stuff - Demetri’s a self taught hacker and Hawk likes to build stuff. Them building something together is either genius or dangerous - let’s be honest, if anyone were to accidentally build a killer robot, it’ll probably be them. Still, I’m interested in a collaboration between the two just to see what they can come up with.

In between setting up for the festival, we also took the time to hang out at the camp. Hawk was going to meet up with Paloma and Phoebe at the festival so when he heard that it was being moved to the camp, he decided to drop by early. So Paloma, Phoebe, Josh, Lake, and Demetri tagged along as they too wanted to help out and spend a couple days at the camp. When we weren’t doing festival prep, we went fishing, bug catching, swimming, cloud gazing, seashell hunting, and foraging - all the fun outdoorsy stuff that one does while camping. It was also a good way to wind back from the stress of setting up a festival, which we definitely needed.

The Drumbeats Festival was a blast! Like I said, I’ve discovered a bunch of new artists to check out. I also learned a lot about drums, which was unexpected, but now that I think about it, the festival is called Drumbeats for a reason. Who knew that drums can be so interesting? Some of the stands are interactive - not only you learn about different kinds of drums, you also get to play with them!

There’s nothing more perfect than a fun festival under a starry night. Hawk says he’s been into constellations lately, especially now that he has a newfound appreciation for them after spending a couple months out in space. It’s cute seeing him and Celeste gush over stars and galaxies!

We got to see the Starstruck Nebula, something that only shows up once in a blue moon so that was super amazing! The books were right, words can’t accurately describe how it looks. The closest I can come up with is like a rainbow kaleidoscope made up of stardust and flames, which probably doesn’t make sense now that I think about it. Now I can cross off another thing from my bucket list!

While messing around with drum tracks, Josh and I got to talking about the future. By that, we mean Hawk, Paloma, Lake, and their significant others. Paloma’s with Phoebe, Hawk with Kat, and now Lake and Tom are a thing. According to Josh, it was kinda a will they, won’t they relationship - though it was a surprise that they ended up together. Lake did say his near death experience caused him reevaluate some things and they spent a lot of time together while he was recovering so it makes sense.

As for Hawk and Kat, there’s been talk of an engagement in the near future. AJ, Elara, and Micah have mentioned it - Micah being fully convinced that a conversation he overheard between his sister and dad has to do with Kat seeking advice on proposing. Devi, Leyla, Tulippa, Misty, and DT have speculated on it as well. So far, nothing from Kat and Hawk themselves so it’s still all up in the air. Let’s just say that when one of them finally pops the question, we’ve got the champagne bottles ready.

Josh also talked a bit about Lake’s ordeal and how it shook him and his brothers up. For a while, before the accident, things were rocky between the two brothers. Most of the time it was minor, petty disagreements, usually involving one of Josh’s schemes gone wrong. They still don’t always see eye to eye, but things were really bad around the time between the entourage disbanding and the accident. And in the middle of all that was Demetri, who was trying to keep the peace as he hates it when his brothers fight, especially when they try to drag him into the conflict.

When everything came to a crashing halt, Josh had to come to terms with some hard truths. The main ones being that he can’t fix everything and that sometimes it’s not okay. Being the oldest and having practically raised his brothers by himself, he’s super protective of them. So it’s understandable why Lake and Demetri sometimes feel smothered by him. He’s been working on giving his bros space and their bond has grown stronger since then.

I’ll admit, sometimes while catching up with Josh I wonder if this is the same guy I met at Rave’s party (it was a weird time and no, I will not elaborate), but not in a bad way. Of course, he’s still the same happy go lucky, playful, and easily excitable goofball we all know and love - now with a touch of emotional maturity. He and his brothers don’t always have it easy so it’s good to hear that things are getting better. Seeing the three of them together not only reminds me of their close bond - something I always admired about them - but also how much they’ve been through.

I’m glad that Josh is finally able to find some peace for himself. Being out on the road with Lo-Pheebs really helped him find a purpose outside of his bros and in return, Lake and Demetri can live their own lives without worrying about leaving Josh behind.

After having a busy week, there’s nothing more rewarding than a night full of fun festivities! On a side note, Lo-Pheebs is on the roster for Concert in the Stars, so the camp will be a stop on their tour, which is set to begin in a couple months. Lake and I are making plans for him and his brothers to spend a weekend at the camp during an event. Also, Hawk and I are also making plans for a BFF Squad camping adventure. So there’s a lot to look forward to in the future.

#animal crossing #animal crossing pocket camp #Diary of a Junebug #headcanon ramble

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zebraljb · 4 years

Text

Stuff you didn’t wanna know about me

A little survey type thing from @velvet-of-the-night. Some of the questions were quite interesting, but there are 40 of them, so behind the cut they go, because I know I HATE having to scroll scroll scroll through a post.

1. Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie:

I am not ashamed to admit that Gone With the Wind is my favorite movie AND my favorite book, and I am NOT going into some sort of political discussion here. I don’t exactly remember the first time I saw it, I was in my early teens, but I remember seeing it in the theater after they had restored it. I was shocked at the vibrant colors and the beauty of the fabrics. I was amazed at how the female actors had to maneuver around in those giant dresses, and I was inspired yet again to overcome everything in my path.

2. Talk about your first kiss:

I honestly don’t remember it.

3. Talk about the person you’ve had the most intensely romantic feelings for:

I had a bit of a summer fling when I was 35…he was 25, we met online, the sex was amazing, and I became obsessed with him. It was a blessing and a curse. I learned a lot about myself that summer, what I want, what I can have, and how I need to learn to control my emotions a bit better. And here’s a fun tip: he reached out to me maybe two years ago to inform me he realized he was trans and is now in the midst of all the surgical/medication processes.

4. Talk about the thing you regret most so far:

My current marriage.

5. Talk about the beset birthday you’ve had

6. Talk about the worst birthday you’ve had:

I can’t think of one that was better/worse than all the others.

7. Talk about your biggest insecurity:

Talking too much and irritating those around me.

8. Talk about the thing you are most proud of: Learning to say no to people, although I’m still crap at it.

9. Talk about the little things on your body that you like the most:

Hmm…that is difficult. Maybe my eyes?

10. Talk about the biggest fight you’ve had:

I’ve had arguments but never a physical fight.

11. Talk about the best dream you’ve ever had:

I can’t pick just one but I have a recurrent dream over the past few years where I am friends with a celebrity but more than friends, however, he usually wants to keep it on the down low, which is frustrating but I don’t care because I’m WITH him. So far I’ve had that dream about Taron Egerton (repeatedly), Nick Carter from the Backstreet Boys, and someone else but I can’t remember who it is.

13. Talk about the first time you had sex:

It was disappointing. Basically that’s it.

14. Talk about a vacation:

I was fortunate enough to spend three days in Hong Kong in December 1996, just months before it reverted completely to Chinese rule. It was such a contradiction between West and East. Beautiful.

15. Talk about the time you were most content in life:

Hmm…

16. Talk about the best party you’ve ever been to:

I taught English in South Korea from August 1996 to August 1997. I remember the ex-pats had a party at someone’s house, just all the Americans, Canadians, Australians hanging out and having fun…it was the first time I ever stayed out all night.

17. Talk about someone you want to be friends with:

There are a few people in the fandom that I have reached out to but don’t seem interested in making a connection, so I will just be very happy and thankful for the wonderful friends I already have.

18. Talk about something that happened in elementary school:

This happened…I was in first grade and it was happening 20 miles from my house. We had to evacuate to my grandmother’s house 30 miles away. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three_Mile_Island_accident

19. Talk about something that happened in middle school:

I found out what it was like to be bullied.

20. Talk about something that happened in high school:

I found out what it was like to be bullied even worse.

21. Talk about the time you had to turn someone down:

I don’t think I ever turned anyone down because I wasn’t asked out very much.

22. Talk about your worst fear:

If we’re talking basic fear…sharks. 100%.

23. Talk about a time someone turned you down:

OMG I was in college and I commuted to a local college and so there were a lot of older students. I was like 20 or whatever and crushed so hard on this like 30something year old guy in my one class…I asked him to a movie and he very sweetly and politely turned me down.

24. Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot:

My dad and I were not close, he was a jerk to me almost the entire time I knew him, and then on his deathbed he told me he loved me and that he was sorry he hadn’t shown it more.

25. Talk about an ex-best friend:

She felt that it was okay to say something horrible and desert me the day after my mother (my real best friend) passed away.

26. Talk about things you do when you’re sick:

Watch tv & drink tea

27. Talk about your favorite part of someone else’s body:

I am a mushy pile of goo over a man’s hands if they are strong and big. SEE MARK STRONG’S HANDS OMFG.

28. Talk about your fetishes:

Sorry, a lady’s got to have SOME secrets!

29. Talk about what turns you on:

Intelligence and a sense of humor.

30. Talk about what turns you off:

Someone who drinks too much.

31. Talk about what you think death is like.

32. Talk about a place you remember from your childhood:

My grandmother’s house.

33. Talk about what you do when you are sad:

Reach out to friends, and write. Writing helps so much. Also rereading favorite stories.

34. Talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured:

At one time I would have said when my back went out, but then I had a tooth break, with pain shooting up into my face. Worst pain ever.

35. Talk about things you wish you could stop doing:

Eating junk when I’m not hungry.

36. Talk about your guilty pleasures:

Bad movies. Seriously, I will stop whatever I’m doing to watch Top Secret, Real Genius, or Spiceworld.

37. Talk about someone you thought you were in love with:

See #3.

38. Talk about songs that remind you of certain people:

I have far too many.

39. Talk about things you wish you’d known earlier:

That I can get by on my own.

40. Talk about the end of something in your life…hmmm.

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omi-ohmyimagination · 5 years

Text

Undercover (1/3)

Part: 1 (of 3)

Themes: Mature, CEO AU, Spy, Mafia, Fluff, Angst, Smut, Romance, Mention of suicide, Sexual harassment, Violence, Optional Bias x Female Reader

Word count: 31,636

Description: Your whole life is full of lies, secrets and shady people. Only one thing is sure - when money is involved, nothing else matters. Anything goes. But when you meet your new target - unreachable, cold and damaged man, so painfully similar to you, things start to look a little bit different. What if you don’t want to live undercover anymore?

OMI’s note: Woah, here it is - first part of Undercover. Fixed and obviously in new form. Some parts stayed the same, some are changed in a very slight way, some more. Overall, it looks better in my opinion and I hope you guys will enjoy it. Before I leave you with this long text, I just want to say that writing second part might take a bit of time, so I will probably upload something else in the meantime. So yeah, I hope you will like this “new” Undercover.

Before you entered a building hidden in a dark alley, you looked around to make sure that no one saw you. You pushed heavy metal door and immediately blinked because of a bright light.

“Geez, Sam, change these fucking bulbs. How do you even work here,” you said, protecting your eyes with the hand. You came closer to a huge desk in the corner of a room and sat on it. Sam looked up from papers that he was reading and flashed charming smile at you. His black hair fell on his glasses and you lazily pushed them up. He was handsome, you couldn't deny it, handsome nerd who didn't really know anything other than his work, and who should have probably chill sometimes. However, it was too weird to get involve in any type of relationship other than the one you already had. You liked him as a friend, and ruining it with one-time sex wasn't something you wanted to do.

“I got used to it. Besides, you come here once or twice in a month so you can handle them,” he laughed, nudging your thigh with his elbow. “I got something for you.”

“I'm sure you do, you wouldn't call me if there was no new work.”

“True. Here, this is a full file about your new target and his company,” he said, handing you pretty thick folder.

“Damn, there's a lot.”

“He's quite... famous,” he paused for a moment and looked at papers in your hand. His voice was laced with hesitation and, in some weird way, it made you anxious. “Well, go into boss' office. He wants to tell you all the details about his plan. He should be here in ten minutes.”

“You're throwing me out already? I thought you missed me.”

“Yeah, yeah, I did, but I also have a lot of things to do and, knowing you, you won't shut up.”

“Rude,” you whined, hitting his shoulder. He chased you out with a smile on his lips, so you got up lazily and headed to the other room.

When you entered it, suffocating smell of lilies hit your nose instantly. You shuddered in disgust. Whenever you came here, you always wondered why Kyo liked it so much. You asked him about it a few times, but he never gave you a clear answer. For you, it wasn't even close to being pleasant, it reminded you of funerals, and that was something you hated more than anything.

You fell on a chair and hid your nose in a t-shirt. Uh, Kyo, you better move your ass before I suffocate here.

You looked around bored but there was nothing interesting - white walls, closets full of papers and big mahogany desk at the center. Empty as always. Kyo loved to keep his surrounding clean, at least that was what he told you once. You sighed and decided to open the file that Sam gave you a few minutes ago. You gasped shocked when you saw the name written at the first page.

“Fucking B/N B/L/N,” you half screamed, sitting straight. You flipped through the pages in disbelief. “What the fuck? Are you in your right state of mind, you bastard?”

That must have been a joke. Kyo wanted you to spy on one of the richest businessmen in the whole country, which was more than unbelievable for you. You couldn't even imagine how you were supposed to do this, that guy was probably with bodyguards all the time. You hoped that it was some kind of mistake.

The door suddenly opened and you lifted your gaze. Kyo smiled, which made wrinkles around his eyes deepened, “Long time no see, Y/N.”

“What is this,” you said, raising the file in the air.

“So you already know who is your next target.” Kyo sat on his leather chair and smiled even more.

“My target? I will be their fucking target, if they find out that I'm spying on him!”

“They won't, Y/N. I prepared perfect plan and I can guarantee that you will be safe. Don't worry.” You looked at him suspiciously. You didn't doubt him, he always did great job but... you were a bit uneasy. No matter what, this case seemed harder than everything you did combined. “I kept an eye on him for some time now. I was waiting for a perfect timing to finally make a move and an opportunity came two days ago. He's desperately looking for a personal assistant and you, my dear, have the best qualifications for this job.”

You chuckled amused, “Me?”

“Of course. Why? Didn't you work for the richest man in Japan a year ago?” Kyo looked at you surprised.

“What are you... oh no, you didn't.” You sat there with opened mouth, utterly shocked. In the past he faked your identity a few times, but it was always something minor like name or date of birth, he never did anything more than this. Especially not something involving outsiders. “What if they contact him?”

“He will tell them, and I'm quoting, oh yes, she was excellent in her job, I've never worked with someone this competent; such a shame that she came back to her homeland. Believe me, it wasn't hard to convince him to cooperate.”

“You threatened him?” Your eyes widened in shock.

“You shouldn't worry about it. The point is that he will say what I want him to say.”

You ran hand through your hair in frustration. “Okay fine, but what if it doesn't work out? What if they choose someone else?”

“It will work out. I checked every girl that applied, and they are nowhere near your achievements. In two days you will be B/N's assistant and you will begin to spy on him. I don't know, you can gain his trust somehow, become his friend or some shit, and then he will tell you all his secrets. From what I've heard, he only acts tough, but actually he's easy to manipulate. And you're the champ of manipulation, my dear.”

“It's risky as fuck, Kyo. If he finds out, he will kill me, let's be honest.”

“Don't be so dramatic. How many times did you escape the death already?”

You looked at him with squinted eyes. “Many. Too many for my age. But this situation is different.”

“It just another job, Y/N,” he said, shaking his head in annoyance.

You sighed, knowing that there was no point in arguing with him. If Kyo wanted something, he got it. Whatever the cost. “And what are we looking for exactly?”

“I can't really tell you.”

“What,” you gasped. Kyo never hid anything from you, especially if it was about the case you were working on. That was something new, and you didn't like it.

“All you need to know is that we have information that he's making illegal transactions. And we need to put an end to this. I'm counting on you, Y/N.”

Every time you stopped your car at the traffic lights, your gaze wandered to the folder placed on the passenger seat. It was obviously only your imagination but you could have sworn that it was surrounded by a black smoke. Almost like a bad omen.

You laughed. There was probably no reason to worry so much about it, but so far life taught you to doubt everything and everyone. Especially when they tried to hide something from you. And Kyo was definitely doing this.

When you parked outside your apartment complex, you grabbed the folder and almost ran to your flat. You were curious what information Kyo was able to gather, and how your new life looked like.

It was a long process. Every new case took a lot of time to learn about, and this one wasn't different. However, there was less about B/N himself than you expected. Pages and pages about the company's history, its purpose, and stuff that bored the hell out of you.

Information about B/N were mostly general, and you were almost a hundred percent sure that you could have found them online. Doesn't keep people around – even his own family, doesn't engage in relationships, cold, harsh, determined. The most typical characteristics of a CEO. But there was also a note left by Kyo, the one he mentioned during your meeting: acts tough but is easy to manipulate; even the slightest trace of challenge keeps him interested.

And that was all you needed.

You stepped out of your car in front of a huge glass building. You looked up and gasped amazed. From a far it didn't look so massive, but up close it was enormous, you couldn't even see the highest floor. You took a deep breath, straightened up your gray pencil skirt and moved to the entrance. You tried to recall once again every achievement and information about your life before you reached a reception.

An older woman in white dress looked at you and smiled friendly. “Hello, how can I help you, miss?”

“Yes, hello,” you said slightly nervous, “I'm here for a job interview for a position of Mr. B/L/N's assistant.”

“Oh yes, okay. You need to go on the left here and there is a room number fifteen. You will find it easily, there are quite a few girls there already,” she replied. “But firstly, can I get your name?”

“Y/N Y/L/N”

“Thank you so much. I wish you good luck.”

You bowed lightly and moved in given direction. There was, indeed, rather big group of women. All dressed in formal skirts or dresses, some older than you were expecting but all visibly nervous. You, on the other hand, weren't nervous, you were terrified. Your hands were sweating and trembling uncontrollably.

You looked around, taking a better glance at the women's faces. All of them seemed to be from rather wealthy families, dressed in designer clothes, and with perfectly done make-ups. You chuckled mad. They had no reason to be so anxious, the worst that could have happened to them was leaving this place without a job. And even if this happened, their fathers would have probably patted their heads and gave them a position in their own companies. You on the other hand, could end up in jail, in the best scenario, if something went wrong.

The door opened and a girl with shiny eyes left the room.

“How was it? Any better,” other asked.

“No, it was... terrible,” she said. She was trembling and it was obvious that she would start crying soon. “He asked me so many things, some of them rather weird. And he judged my answers so rudely. Even if they want me to work here, I would never accept their offer.” You would have felt sorry for her, if she didn't sound so bossy about it. She was young, probably younger than you, and looking at her reaction, she probably never was in situation like this. In contrast to her, during your whole life you met so many aggressive, vulgar and insolent people that the guy in the room was most likely nothing compared to them. Your only wish was not to be exposed.

It took longer than you've expected. After another hour there was only few women left, others marched out of the building with heads raised high, discouraged by the job interview. You were sitting there amazed because Kyo's plan started to look reasonable now. Somehow he must have known what type of women would be here and how demanding the interview would be.

If only they wouldn't find out that you're a scammer, you have won.

The last girl left the office and tall man appeared behind her. He was dressed in tailored suit, and his black hair was slicked back. He was handsome but also looked cold and strict. He seemed like someone who had no barriers, and would ask you about every intimate detail of your life. And that was probably right, judging from conversations you heard in the past two hours.

“Y/N Y/L/N,” he said in a low voice, looking around.

You got up. “It's me.”

“Come in, please.” He moved inside the room and stand beside the table, extending his arm. “I'm Jiho Park, vice-ceo and person responsible for B/N's personal crew. Please sit.” You sat across him and tried to look professional. “Miss Y/L/N, I checked your qualifications and I must say, they are pretty impressive. I didn't think that someone with such experience will come here today,” he continued impressed. “To be honest, it's actually beyond my expectations.”

All your dark thoughts left you immediately after his words, they didn't suspect anything and it looked like they wanted you to work for them. You noted in your mind to congratulate Kyo for creating your new life.

“I have only a few questions for you. Some of them might be rather personal but I hope you understand.” He waited for your approval, and when you nodded, he asked, “Can you tell me if you're involved in any relationship?”

“No, I'm not and answering your next question, I'm not planning to be in the near future. I want to focus on my career now.”

“Good,” he said and wrote something on a piece of paper he held in his hand. “So I assume that you don't have children, right?”

“That's correct. In fact, I don't want to have them at all.”

“I see. And was there anything you found hard to do while working for Mr. Aki?”

“Besides my fear of not understanding Japanese,” you joked, remembering Kyo's words. “Not really. I learn rather quickly and I know how to adjust to my boss' lifestyle and schedule.”

“And can you tell me why you left that work?” You looked at Jiho with wide eyes. Oh. My. God. Kyo, you dumbass. You forgot the most important thing. Your heart sped. It wasn't happening. How did he come up with useless stories from your life but forgot something so important? You tried to regain your composure and stop your trembling fingers.

“I...,” you stuttered. You had no other choice as to expose the piece of your true life. It wasn't something you liked to talk about, fuck, it was the one thing you wished you would never have to talk about again, but there was no time to come up with something good in this situation. “My mother tried to commit suicide and someone needed to be close to her. I couldn't count for my alcoholic father so there was no other choice for me. I was supposed to come back to Japan but unfortunately, she did it again. Successfully this time. It was really hard for me.” You felt tears in corners of your eyes. You tried to wipe them away secretly but failed. Jiho handed you a tissue which you gladly accepted. “I'm sorry, it's still hurts.”

“No, it's okay. I should be sorry for bringing painful memories,” he said with blank expression. “I think we can finish now. I don't really want to torture you here, miss. Please wait outside, I will inform you about the results in half an hour.”

You left the room with a bow and quickly got out of the building, ignoring looks and questions from women waiting outside. You searched your bag with trembling hands and pulled out pack of cigarettes. You lit up one and inhaled deeply. I will fucking kill you, Kyo. That was the only thing about your life that you hated talking about. Your mother's topic was too painful to bring up. After so many years, it hurt the same. The fact that she decided to end her miserable life with alcoholic and abusive husband and left you - twelve years old child with him made you more than mad. She ran away from pain, constant fighting and poverty and left it all to you to deal with. You were just a child - lonely, hurt, unloved. It was unbelievably hard to survive. You hated your father from the moment you understood what an evil man he was. And then your mother killed herself and even though you understood her, you hated her for what she did, too. You had no one, you were alone on this planet.

You threw the rest of the cigarette in the bin and sprayed perfume all over yourself. You entered the building and stopped in the lobby where you could still see the door you left some time ago. You didn't want to listen to all the questions from the rest of the girls. It was the first and the last time you ever saw them, they didn't matter to you and you didn't want to explain yourself to them. You looked up and spotted Jiho with another man. He was standing with his back to you but you could clearly see that he was more muscular and a bit taller than Jiho. You nodded your head slightly when your eyes met with Jiho's.

And then the other man turned around and you froze. It was him. B/N. He looked at you with piercing eyes, making you shuddered. You were amazed, he looked better than on the photos, almost like a sculpture made by God himself. His facial features seemed so sharp that it was unbelievable, slightly longer hair was a little messy and suit hugged his body perfectly, highlighting its athletic form. He was attractive. Even more - he was damn sexy. You looked into each others eyes for a few seconds, then he said something to Jiho and disappeared in an elevator behind him.

You released a breath that you held and glanced at Jiho again. He smiled softly at you and moved to the stairs. You followed his every move with your eyes and when he stood in front of you, you clenched your teeth in anticipation.

“Congratulation, Miss Y/N. You got this job.”

You were bored. Well, bored was a bit of an understatement. Since you got accepted into the company a week ago you spent all your time with Anna - B/N's secretary, who introduced you to company's structure, your duties and all those not-so-interesting aspects of being a personal assistant. As for you, simple you need to do whatever B/N's wants you to do would be enough, you were not particularly interested in company's history, which you already knew thanks to Kyo, and what B/N liked or didn't like.

B/N. Since that day when you entered his company for the first time, you didn't see him again. It bothered you more than you wished it would. You were wasting your time here, literally risking your life, and he didn't show up even once.

And Kyo wasn't helping at all. He made it even worse. After you pointed out his small mistake, as he called it, he nagged you every single day. He was weirdly demanding, as never before, and when you asked him about the reason behind it, he yelled at you, telling you that you should have focus on your work. With each passing day it felt more and more suspicious but you couldn't figure out why exactly.

"B/N starts his day at 10am and you're obliged to greet him and present him his schedule as soon as you see him. I'm preparing this so you don't need to worry about it. Clear," Anna asked once again, interrupting your thoughts.

You rolled your eyes. "You're telling me this for the fifth time today. Anna, I'm not stupid, I know how it works - I do whatever he wants."

She sighed. "I know, Y/N. I'm just stressed, that's all."

"Why? I should be the stressed one."

"And I don't know why you're not," she snapped, hanging her head low. "Sorry. You know, he's very demanding and you're not the first one to get this position. There were a lot of girls before you and they didn't last longer than a week. And I'm the one who's doing this job after they ran off crying! I can't keep up with everything."

Oh no. Don't open up to me. We will never be friends. I gonna vanish as soon as I get what I want.

"Do I look like those girls to you? I can handle a lot, believe me."

Anna looked at you with hope in her eyes. She smiled softly and stood up suddenly, clapping her hands. "I hope I can trust you, Y/N. For now, we're done with boring stuff. Today's gonna be your first day with B/N. Here," she said, handing you a piece of paper. "This is his schedule for today, read it - especially those additional notes I've left for you, I will be doing this for some time to help you. He will be here in fifteen minutes so go down and wait for him at the reception."

You blinked a few times confused. Just a minute before she was almost crying and now she was sending you off. She seemed convinced that you're not going to betray her and in some way it hurt you. She was nice, maybe even too nice. She was actually the first person in a long time that was kind to you. It felt unfamiliar but pleasantly at the same time. It was hard to admit but deep down you knew that hurting her, would hurt you a bit too.

You took B/N's schedule from her and got into the elevator. Ride down was long, and you took that time to read the plan over and over again. Ten minutes later you had B/N's schedule memorized perfectly. Two hours of preparing, few hours of meeting and lastly dinner with guy called Lee. For a second you were disappointed, nothing in Anna's notes seemed like it could be something suspicious but then you thought of an opportunity to finally look into his office, and smile danced on your lips. For the past week, Anna was constantly around you, and even though B/N wasn't in his office, you had no chance to sneak there.

"So you're here," someone said in a deep, husky voice. You looked up and saw B/N in another perfectly tailored suit. His hair was pushed back, head tilted to the side and arms folded. He was looking at you, trying to appear disinterested but you noticed a gleam of interest in his eyes. It was the first time you saw him from this close and you had to admit – he was indeed hella attractive.

You raised one eyebrow. "I was supposed to be here? I don't know what's so weird about it."

"Well, I thought you will quit after like three days? Too many duties or something." He leaned in your direction so close that you felt his hot breath on your face. He smirked when you didn't flinch, and then reached his arm behind you, pressing the button to call the elevator. He looked you straight in to the eyes as if challenging you.

"Maybe you should stop thinking," you said with a fake smile, moving even closer to him. His smirk disappeared from his face, and he slightly squinted his eyes. He tried so hard to hide his shock but it was useless. He was about to say something when the elevator opened and a group of people got out of it. He stepped aside and greeted them back rather harshly. You walked inside quickly and looked at him. "Are you coming?"

He didn't answer and followed you, closing the door right in front of someone's face.

"You have a meeting at noon and then a dinner with Mr. Lee at 4pm. So, we have something around two hours to prepare for it. Anna left all the documents on your desk. She said you need to read it and decide if you agree with all the statements included there." You looked at B/N and caught him staring at you. "What? Is something unclear?"

"Your attitude," he said, now visibly stunned.

"Well, I'm probably not your typical assistant. Let's say that I'm kind of special."

He was confused. From the moment he saw your face, he was almost a hundred percent sure that you were only a pretty face. Your experience? Probably gained through bed, nothing more. But now you were explaining to him pros and cons of the transaction he was about to sign and you unexpectedly looked like you knew what you were talking about. And that situation in front of the elevator? None of the girls before you were this cheeky and confident. He was amazed and kinda mad. It made him feel smaller. No one ever mocked him like that, no one was brave enough to do it.

And then, there were you. Apparently not just a pretty face.

You put the papers down and stood up to move around a little bit. You were pissed. Almost two hours and nothing out of normal. Simple, legal contract with similar company. You were hoping to get a chance to look into other stuff inside B/N's office while he studied this deal, but apparently he was an idiot. Or maybe he wanted to test you. You didn't know, and didn't really care.

You sighed loudly and looked at the clock. "You should get up and go to the conference room, meeting's gonna start in ten minutes. I noted everything we talked about if you forget something." B/N glanced at you and nodded. You noticed that his tie was a little bit crooked so you moved in his direction and bent down to fix it. He looked at you confused. "Try to look professional," you mumbled, too focused on your task to register another man walking into the room.

You heard someone's clearing their throat. You looked up and saw Jiho with raised eyebrows.

"Am I disturbing you?"

"In what," you asked without thinking.

"I'm not sure, Y/N," he said, looking at you and then at B/N. You turned your head and met B/N's wide eyes just a few centimeters from yours.

"Oh this. I'm trying to fix his tie. Wait..." You let go of the silky material and folded your arms. "What were you thinking?"

"Nothing in particular."

"Jesus Christ, you both should stop thinking." Jiho tilted his head intrigued. "Don't worry about it. As regards the meeting, we looked at every damn point in these documents. I wrote notes beside the points that are questionable and should be discussed. Also, remember that you both have meeting with Mr. Lee at 4pm at restaurant called Rose-something. Doesn't really matter, your driver knows the address. Good luck, I will be with Anna, I guess," you said with a smile and left the room.

"What the fuck," Jiho asked confused.

"I have no idea." B/N was looking at the closed door amazed. He still felt hot where your fingers accidentally touched his skin. He tried to brush it off, but he couldn't deceive his own body. It was just a simple touch, and yet he felt it in his abdomen. "She's pissing me off, man. I thought she's another stupid girl but no. She's too confident, and she's challenging me. Me, for fuck's sake! Can you believe it?"

Jiho laughed. "Sounds familiar to me.”

“Don't fuck with me.”

“I wouldn't dare. But you need to watch out for her, you know that right?”

“Yeah, I do. She's gonna be a pain in the ass. She already irritates me, and I was with her for two hours.”

“I feel like it can be quite funny,” Jiho smirked, dodging a pen that B/N threw at him.

"Shut up. Mark my words Jiho, I'm gonna break her. I'm gonna make her life look like a fucking nightmare."

After B/N left his office with Jiho next to him, smile formed on your lips. And when Anna said she was going for lunch, you were practically jumping from happiness. Finally, you had a chance to sneak into B/N's office. You've waited for this whole week, week full of Kyo's nagging and screams.

Knowing that there were no cameras on this floor, you marched into your desired destination, whistling under your nose. You sat on B/N's chair, sighing deeply.

“What can you possible hide here, loser,” you mumbled, opening one of the drawers. You quickly searched through its content, checking if there was no secret compartment. You did the same with the rest of them, and to your disappointment, you found nothing. Every damn paper was useless, and definitely didn't contain anything illegal.

That was not what you were looking for.

Irritated, you left his office and wrote quick message to Kyo, informing him that you found nothing in B/N's stuff, and asking him if there was a different place to search.

The answer you received was not something you've expected.

His mind.

You lived through hell. Your life was a constant fight, either with memories or people around you. Until now, you thought that there was nothing more that could make you so stressed and tensed. And yet, there you were. Third week in your search and no result. Not even the smallest suspicious thing about B/N. You were done already, done with playing good little assistant, done with listening to Kyo's accusations and weird ideas, done with this whole fucked up situation.

That was why you made plans for the night. For the first time in a long time. You needed some relief, and you needed it fast.

This day seemed to be especially long, longer than usual. You were looking at papers that Anna gave you but you didn't absorb any of the information. You tried to focus, you did, but your mind was somewhere else. You were thinking of your date. You were so excited to leave the office and finally got laid that nothing else mattered. Mere fact that you found someone this fast - someone incredibly hot, by the way - was exciting. Those days you were like a slave: trapped in the company for long hours, following B/N like a shadow, and being at his beck and call. That was nothing like how you've imagined this job - you thought that after almost a month of working for him, you would have enough material to ruin him. Not really. It was almost like there was nothing to find on him. But then why would you be there, spying on him?

You glanced at your phone for the thousandth time to check the hour.

“You're really impatient today,” Anna blurted finally.

“Hm? Oh yeah, that's because I have plans.”

Anna leaned her head on interlocked fingers. “What kind of plans made you this worked up?”

“I might get finally laid tonight,” you answered with a smile.

“Well, that explain a lot,” she laughed. “Is he nice?”

“Nice is a bit of understatement.”

You were about to describe how hot the guy was when B/N stood in front of both of you. You didn't even notice when he left the elevator but as soon as you glanced at him, the grip on the pen you were holding tightened.

“I want you to do reports of my two last meetings, Y/N.”

“Okay, I will do them tomorrow,” you mumbled, not looking at him.

“No,” he hissed. “I want them on my desk tomorrow morning.”

You raised your gaze. “That's not... possible. I can't do this today. I have...”

“Do I look like I care? If I don't have them in the morning, you're fired,” he announced and left you in disbelief.

You hit your head on the desk with a groan.

“This fucker.”

The company was almost dead when you returned from the shop. You were horny, that was a fact but you wouldn't dare to risk your mission just because of this. You smiled sadly to the security guard and headed to your desk. When you plopped down on the chair, you took your phone out and wrote quick apology to the guy you were supposed to meet.

At the back of your head there was a thought that B/N did it on purpose. When you thought about that whole situation you could have sworn that he must have heard you, and decided to ruin your plans. He was that kind of man - he would probably do everything to ruin your mood. And maybe even your life. But was he so different from you? You were doing exactly the same.

You started reading the overview of one of the meetings when your phone rang. Without looking at the screen, you answered it. “Yes?”

“Y/N, nice to finally fucking hear you.”

“What do you want, Kyo,” you asked annoyed.

“And what I might want? Information, for fuck's sake. You didn't report me anything since last week.”

“Because there's nothing to report. Nothing's happening here. Or at least - nothing shady. It's so boring that I might throw up from boredom soon. Right now, I'm stuck with some fucking reports because B/N is a pain in the ass. You know where I was supposed to be? In a bed. With a dick inside me! Not in the office!” You were close to screaming. It was all Kyo's fault. All.

Bitterness welled up in you in a past few days and you couldn't deal with it anymore. You felt similar only once - when your mother killed herself and left you alone. You were lost, confused and lonely. You wandered around the town for days, hungry and cold, without any hope. And then Kyo found you. You ran away from him but eventually came back, he was the only one who offered you help. Oh, if only you knew back then how much his help cost. Sometimes you wished that you never met him. There wouldn't be any problems if you were dead.

But your relationship with him was never this bad. Since the day one he acted in a weird way, yelling at you every time he called you. He wasn't like this before. There was certainly something about this case that made him so mad, and you were ready to find out what was it.

“Oh, so you're doing reports. About what?” He ignored your outburst completely as if he didn't really care about your feelings. Maybe he didn't.

“About nothing. Stupid meetings he had yesterday.”

“And you didn't tell me about them. I send you a message and you ignored it.”

“That's because you're writing to me every day,” you shouted. “If I had anything interesting to tell you, I would call you. But I have nothing. Zero. I'm starting to think that this is some kind of sick game. This guy seems clean, Kyo. I can't find anything.”

“Maybe you fucked up,” he said.

Your grip on the phone tightened. “What the hell does it mean?”

“Exactly what you think. Maybe he knows that you're spying on him, maybe you're not this good.”

“Don't make me laugh, if that's the case, you're the one who should be blamed for this. After all, you were the one who created my life. If there's anything suspicious, that's on you,” you muttered through the clenched teeth. “You're pissing me off right now, so get lost.”

You were mad, bewildered and most importantly, disappointed. It wasn't like you could call Kyo your family, but he was close to you. You were ready to risk your miserable life for him, which you were basically doing, and it seemed that he didn't really care about you. He was nothing more than a burden to you right now. He turned into a completely different person, and that fact scared you.

When B/N entered the company, he was almost entirely sure that you didn't listen to him yesterday. He was ready to fire you. And he would do that with pleasure. He tried so many things, so many dirty tricks to discourage you, and no matter what, you stayed with him. Sometimes he thought that you might have been a masochist, you were okay with pretty much everything.

He got out of the elevator, and to his surprise, he saw you sleeping with your head on the desk.

“What is happening here,” he asked Anna as soon as he approached both of you.

“I found her like that. The security guard told me she spent whole night working.”

B/N looked at you stunned. Your hair was tangled, clothes wrinkled, and you still held pen in your hand. He wasn't prepared for that, he could have expected everything from you but not this. You were always dissatisfied with everything, you hated him, and he could have sworn that you wanted to quit this job. And yet, you obeyed him again, even if that meant interference in your personal life.

“Sent her to me when she wakes up,” he said, still looking at you.

He sat on his chair and closed his eyes. Feeling of annoyance washed over him. You irritated him, that was the truth, but he couldn't deny the fact that you turned him on. You were pretty, always dressed in tight pencil skirts, with cheeky smile on beautiful lips that he wanted to wipe off roughly. Even your attitude toward him was alluring. No other woman in his life made such snappy comments about him, no women resisted his person for so long. You were a true mystery for him, and with each passing day, he wanted to learn more and more about you.

If he thought about it, he was quite similar to you. You were both tied up by work, without a lot of free time to meet your needs. Idea of hooking up with you crossed his mind, but he dismissed it as fast as it appeared. He wasn't that crazy yet. He never slept with his subordinates, he never even thought about it, yet you made him this desperate. And he hated it.

Quiet knock on the door interrupted his thoughts.

“Yes?”

“It's me,” you yawned, rubbing your eyes with a hand and smudging your mascara in the process. Somehow, it looked adorable for him. “I have those damn reports you wanted.” You put stack of papers on his desk and yawned once again.

“You were here all night?”

“And how does it look to you? Yep, I was. And I'm sore as hell, those chairs are really uncomfortable.”

“Go home,” he said without thinking. He blinked a few times, shocked at his own words.

You raised your gaze completely dumbfounded. “Are you trying to say that I'm fired? What the heck? I did what you asked, what are you...”

“That's not what I meant,” he stood up rapidly, suddenly scared that you could leave. “I just want you to go home and get some rest. That's all.” His voice became almost inaudible at the end of the sentence. He couldn't believe that he said that, normally he wasn't like this.

You were staring at him in silence, and he didn't know what to do. It was something new for him, he didn't act nicely on daily basis. Honestly, he didn't act nicely at all. Especially towards you.

“You want me to rest today?”

“Yeah, and you better get out of here before I change my mind.”

You leaned in his direction with curiosity in your eyes. “You sure you're not the one that should get some time off?”

“Y/N. Get. Out.”

“Okay, okay. Thanks... I guess.”

He watched you as you were leaving his office, and when the door closed behind you, he dropped down on his chair again.

He was crazy.

You made him crazy.

You weren't sure what happened but you gladly accepted B/N's offer. Not because you were tired - you handled far worse things - but because you needed some time to understand the situation you were in. Maybe if your mind wasn't filled with the memory of conversation with Kyo, you would have thought more about B/N's behavior. But that wasn't important for you now, you didn't care about him that much. He was just a pawn in Kyo's game.

You took your phone out and dialed first number on your contact list.

Almost immediately you heard man's voice. “What's up, sweety?”

“I'm on my way to you, Markus. You need to help me.”

“Sure, I'm waiting.”

When you entered a code to Markus' house, and stepped inside, scent of food filled your nose right away. You moved your body in the direction of his office where you found Markus, sitting in his usual spot - in front of two big computer screens.

“Hey bro,” you began, grabbing a slice of pizza from the table.

“Hey. Wait a moment, okay?”

“Mhm,” you mumbled with mouth full of dough. You dragged a stool from the corner and sat beside the man. He was furiously typing something on the keyboard, looking with squinted eyes at the green text on the screen. You've known him almost your whole life, watched so many times how he worked, yet you still didn't understand a thing. He tried to explain to you, step by step, how he hacks into people's files but it still didn't make any sense to you.

But it didn't really matter. You had your own ways to find information.

“Gotcha,” he laughed and turned to you. “So, what's going on?”

“Well,” you swallowed the last bit of pizza and wiped your mouth with the back of your hand, “I need you to hack into Kyo's computer.”

In a flash he became serious. “What?”

You sighed deeply. “You know that I'm spying on B/N but the thing is, there's nothing on this guy. I can't find any proof that he's involved in any kind of illegal stuff. I even feel a bit bad about doing this, and that's something. In addition, Kyo's mad at me for everything. He wants me to report every damn thing about B/N. And I don't see any sense in this! Something's off, bro. I feel it and I want to know what is going on.”

“That's gonna be risky.”

“I know but... I can't... yeah, I feel like I can't trust Kyo anymore.”

You were late, and that made B/N furious. He was spinning in his chair, waiting for you to finally arrive. He gave you a day off, that was true, but it was only one day. He couldn't believe you had the nerve to test his patience like that. Maybe he was nice yesterday but that was a one-time situation. At least that was what he hoped for. He still didn't understand why he has acted like that. He didn't have soft heart, it wasn't the case. It was only a fleeting kindness. That's how he explained it to himself.

The door suddenly opened without a knock.

“Sorry for being late,” you squeaked when you entered his office. You tried to fix your skirt stealthily, but B/N didn't miss that small move.

“Why weren't you on time?”

“I was kinda busy last night,” you answered straight away.

His hand closed into a fist. “You were busy. With what?”

“That's not really your business.”

“Ha,” he scoffed. “Get on with the job already or I will kick you out.”

You blinked a few times, turned around without a word, and bumped into Jiho who was standing behind you. “Sorry,” you murmured and left the room, leaving the two men alone.

“You argued again.” It sounded more like a statement, not a question. Jiho sat on the chair across and took his jacket off. “What happened this time?”

B/N took a deep breath, closing his eyes. “I've never met someone this insolent.”

Jiho laughed loudly. “Really? Because I did.”

“Don't push your luck, man. I'm not in the mood. I gave her day off to rest, right? But she came late today because she was “busy” last night. Busy, my ass. She was probably fucking some random dude.”

“You know, this counts as being busy.” B/N shoot him a glare full of rage, his jaw was clenched and hands clutched tightly on the armrests. “Why are you even this mad? It's not like she's yours or anything. She's just your assistant, not your wife, she can do whatever she wants.”

B/N frowned. Jiho was right - you were nothing more than his subordinate, yet the thought of you with another man made his blood boil. He wasn't sure why, it wasn't like he felt anything to you. Besides sexual attraction - he couldn't deny this. Was it because he was possessive? Maybe. Or maybe he just didn't understand his own feelings.

Another sigh left his mouth. “I need to give her a lesson.”

“Geez, B/N, what lesson? Let the girl fuck whoever she wants. It's none of your business. And by the way, maybe you should focus more on today's banquet.” Sly smile appeared on B/N's lips when a wild idea crossed his mind. “What now?”

“That's not a bad advice,” he said, grinning. Jiho looked at him puzzled. “Maybe she should go with me.”

“And why is that?”

“Oh you know, Sheng will be there. If she's so thirsty for a dick, she will love his company.” He wasn't paying attention to Jiho anymore, he was too focused on searching for the most expensive dress shops in the area. He knew where to find clothes for himself, but he had never bought anything for a woman. There was simply no occasion for this and the fact that he needed to do this in that time was ridiculous for him.

Jiho groaned disgusted. “He's a fucking creep man, you really hate her this much?”

“I don't hate her, she annoys the fuck out of me. There's a difference.”

“Don't you think it's a little too much? She's hot, he will be all over her all the time.”

B/N looked up from his phone. Was it too much? He wanted to annoy you, nothing more. In his twisted mind, he was convinced you deserved a lesson.

“Come on, Sheng is not that stupid, he will just spit some gross jokes and that's all.”

“I wouldn't be so sure about this. No matter what, keep an eye on her. Just in case.”

B/N scoffed. “Now you're talking?”

“I may not trust her but I don't wish her anything bad.”

“You're coming with me today,” B/N announced when he entered his office after the meeting.

You turned around and asked confused, “What?”

“I said...”

“I know what you said but I don't understand why you want me to accompany you at that banquet.”

“Well, maybe because you're my assistant?” He sat on his chair and looked at you from head to toe. “We need better clothes for you.”

“Excuse me, but what's wrong with the one I have now?”

He didn't answer you but instead he pushed button on his phone and after one signal he directed Anna to prepare car for him. He stood up and headed to the door.

“Follow me.”

The ride was unpleasantly silent. You sat beside him, nibbling on your nail. Changes in his attitude confused the hell out of you. He was mad, you were sure about this, but the reason why was a mystery for you. It was like a world was laughing at you - you had your own problems, there was no need for another one. And yet it arrived. Your life wasn't easy even once but the events of past weeks tested your patience like nothing ever.

The car stopped in front of a huge building and B/N got out of it, without looking at you. You followed him, and shyly entered the luxurious shop.

There weren't a lot of things that made you uncomfortable, but this was definitely one of them. Quick look at the nearest price tag made you flinch instantly. You've never experienced wealthy life, it was unattainable for you from your first day at this world. And to tell the truth, you despised rich people. You have quite a few encounters with them in the past and all of them were sleazy, full of themselves and thought that if they had money, they had everything. You couldn't really find any bigger joy in money, and you didn't understand how some could.

“Do we really have to be here,” you mumbled finally, rubbing your shoulders.

B/N turned around and looked at you. Confusion in his eyes was too noticeable. You felt bad that you showed him this side of you but you couldn't fight embarrassment that washed over you. You felt out of place, almost like an alien. You lowered your gaze.

“What's wrong with you now,” he asked, coming closer to you.

“I... I just don't like places like this,” you stammered.

He was silent for a few seconds but then your annoying boss came back. “Do I look like I care?”

B/N's head was spinning with excess thoughts. He was looking at all the dresses around him, but he didn't really see them. From time to time, he glanced at you, standing awkwardly in the corner, and he couldn't believe it was you. This cheeky, confident girl was gone just because of some expensive clothes. It was unbelievable for him. Was there a reason behind your embarrassment? Did something happen to you before? Much to his annoyance, those questions didn't want to leave his head. He wanted so badly to know why your attitude changed so drastically.

However, the fact that he thought about canceling his plan was even more unthinkable. When he looked at you, so vulnerable, he almost felt sick of his twisted mind. He didn't know why but at that moment he felt the urge to hug you. He had to stop himself from doing something stupid, so instead he focused his mind on why he brought you here.

Suddenly something caught his gaze. There it was - a perfect dress. He moved closer to the rack and touched red silky material. The dress was backless, with a really thin straps and quite a huge low-cut. Just the thought of you in it made him hot. His hand twitched when he reached for it.

“Try this one,” he said, handing you the beautiful piece. You took it from him with a grimace of dissatisfaction and disappeared in a fitting room. He sat on a sofa across the mirror and fixed the collar of his shirt.

When you stood in front of him again, his breath got stuck in his throat. It was a lot more than he imagined. Thin fabric hugged you perfectly, highlighting all your curves insanely. Your breasts were exposed a little too much, but he was too mesmerized to complain. You looked... gorgeous. And even this description wasn't enough. Red was definitely your color, and he wished there was a possibility to see you in this more often.

“Turn around.” His voice was hoarse, but he didn't care if you noticed. You obeyed him without a word and that only aroused him even more. The cut on your back was so low that he was able to see the hem of your lacy undies. Sweat started to form on his forehead, he felt extremely hot and it bothered him. It never happened to him, he never felt so horny just by looking at a woman in a revealing dress. He put hand on his thigh, discreetly trying to adjust his hardening dick. “We will take this one,” he said, when the worker approached you.

“Isn't it too much,” you asked, averting his gaze.

“No.” It was his only answer. There wasn't other option for him, he wanted you to wear that dress regularly. And preferably, only for him. He didn't know how to persuade you to do this, but he was desperate to make it happen.

Sitting beside you, dressed in that sexy piece, in the car was the hardest thing he ever endured in his whole life. He wanted to touch you, feel your hot skin under his fingertips, made you moan for him. He kept his eyes on you, observing your every little move - how your chest raised and fell with each breath, how your legs moved in an attempt to sit more comfortable, how you brushed your hair out of your sight. He couldn't stop himself. His mind was flooding him with different imagines of how would you look and sound when he dicked you down.

You turned your head slightly and glanced at him annoyed. “What?”

“Nothing.”

“So why are you staring at me all the fucking time? Are you regretting taking me with you?”

“Why would I?”

You lowered your gaze and raised an eyebrow a little. “I not sure but I guess it will be quite uncomfortable for you to wander around people with an erection, don't you think?” He took a quick peek at his dick and cursed. So it was visible. He felt the tightness in this area, but he didn't think that it was so prominent. He tried to fix his pants but without success. “Maybe I should help you,” you offered, moving closer to him. He tensed instantly, watching how you put your hand on his thigh dangerously close his boner. “Should I?”

He studied your face for a moment. He wasn't sure if you were serious or not, your expression was emotionless. Did he want it? Oh, he did, but he didn't want to give in to your seduction. He wanted to show you that he was stronger than he appeared at that moment, even though it wasn't true.

He was about to decline your offer when your fingers brushed his clothed dick. He hissed unintentionally.

You burst into laughter. “You wish.”

He grabbed your wrist and pulled you so close that he felt your breath on his face. “You're gonna regret this. Don't fucking play with me, kitten.” Your eyes winded in shock but you didn't move. You stayed like this for a few seconds before he pushed you and got out of the car. He furiously tugged at his pants and covered his crotch area with jacket. “Come,” he snapped through clenched teeth when you joined him. He put his hand on your lower back and guided you inside the luxury restaurant.

He was done playing your little game, it was time for his plan. He couldn't take your presence any longer. You challenged him once again, but this time it was too much for him. He was boiling with anger when he scanned the crowd, looking for Sheng. When he noticed him, he nodded and moved in his direction.

As soon as the man spotted you, his eyes filled with lust. “Hello B/N. And hello to you, gorgeous. Who is it?”

“This is Y/N, my assistant,” he answered with a fake smile.

“Nice choice, man. I bet she's quite useful.” B/N wanted to throw up. He hated this guy to the core. He loathed every aspect of Sheng's being, he was disgusted by his every word. But there was one thing he hated even more at this moment, and it was your attitude.

“Can you keep her company for a second? I need to talk to someone real quick.” B/N didn't wait for any response. He moved his body as far away from you as possible. Fend for yourself, you little bitch.

He lost sight of you long ago but it didn't bother him that much. Somewhere at the back of his head he was hearing Jiho's voice over and over again, but he tried to ignore it. He took a small sip of his champagne, pleased with the company of a girl, whose name he already forgot. She wasn't as pretty as you, but at least she was simpler. A few sweet words, and he had her wrapped around his finger. It was so easy - she was obedient, horny and willing to fuck. That was all he really needed. And that was exactly how it should have been.

She touched his arm and whispered something, but he didn't hear her. His attention switched from her to the conversation of two men behind him.

“This guy's disgusting. You saw how much he drooled over that poor girl? I hope she escaped from him.”

“I don't think she did, I saw him following her with that creepy smile.”

B/N instantly pushed the girl and shoved through the crowd. He was sure they were talking about you and he felt rage spreading all over his body. He was furious - not only at Sheng but also at himself. Why was he so stubborn? He knowingly left you in creep's hands just because you made him mad. He was so stupid... After all, it wasn't only your fault.

If anything happened to you, he would have blamed himself for this for the rest of his life.

When he was close to the restroom area he heard your voice - mix of annoyance and a bit of fear.

“I told you to leave me alone, for fuck's sake.”

B/N's moves became faster, he was ready to rip Sheng's head off.

“Oh come on, sweetheart. Let's play a little bit.”

His hand closed into a fist.

“Get your fucking dirty hands off of me!”

His fist met the side of Sheng's head with so much power that he himself hissed from pain. Sheng flew on the floor with a groan.

B/N glanced at you with concern. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah... I... I'm fine,” you assured, stunned.

B/N looked at the motionless body on the ground. “Geez, this piece of shit pisses me off. Come, I'm gonna drop you home.”

You followed B/N to his car absolutely confused. Firstly, he left you with some fucked up idiot, and then he appeared out of nowhere and knocked the guy down. Changes of his character were so drastic that you started to question his sanity. Was he normally like that? You tried to remember how he acted when you met him for the first time. He was distant, extremely cold and harsh. But something definitely changed. He became... more protective, in a twisted way.

But the thing that shocked you the most was the fact that he didn't try to hide that you turned him on anymore. You noticed a few times that he had a hard-on when you were around but today he didn't even try to brush it off, like he always did. Maybe he was even willing to take your offer seriously. He always seemed like he had full control of himself, yet he lost his composure a few times because of you.

Maybe Kyo was right, maybe B/N wasn't as tough as he wished to be seen as.

“We arrived already, you know,” he laughed suddenly. You turned your head rapidly. It was the first time you heard his laugh and you must have admitted - it was a beautiful sound. You wished he would do that more often.

You studied his face for a second, when you noticed a bit of blood on his cheek. You looked down. “You've injured yourself,” you said, grabbing his hand. He took a sharp breath when you touched his knuckles. “Come upstairs, I will clean this.”

“There's no need.” He tried to free himself but you pushed your fingers onto his wound. He hissed from pain.

“Upstairs, I said.”

He was sitting on the edge of your bathtub with rolled sleeves, while you were looking for something to disinfect his hand with. It was like he was in some kind of trance, admiring your every move with squinted eyes. He felt things he never felt and couldn't even name.

“Ha, found you, you fucker,” you squeaked, grabbing a little bottle from the drawer. He laughed. You looked like a small child after they unwrapped a present. So innocent. You looked at him amazed. “I... it will hurt a bit.”

He nodded, his eyes still on you. You came closer and knelt down, taking his hand in yours. He stopped breathing, not because of the pain, but because of your position. His mind got flooded with inappropriate images, and his mouth became dry suddenly.

Your gaze was focused on his fingers, skin hotter than he had imagined. He felt completely defeated. “Done. I can't put a band aid on it so...” you started but stopped in the middle of the sentence when your eyes met his. He noticed how your cheeks reddened, and how you bit on your lower lip. He wanted nothing more than to lower his head and kiss you. He wanted to be the one to abuse your lips. He moved slightly, but you stood up before he even had a chance to feel your breath on his face. “You should go now, B/N.”

Your mind was one big mess. Memory of yesterday's situation inside your bathroom was as fresh as if it happened minutes ago. You remembered very clearly the look in his eyes, and you were sure yours was the same, you remembered the heat of his skin on yours, his breath fanning your face. You couldn't deny it anymore, you desired him. And it was more than clear that he wanted you, too. And that was a huge problem.

However, the biggest problem was that you invited B/N into your house in the first place. His injury wasn't even close to things you saw before, shit, it was almost non-existent, and yet you couldn't leave him like that. Maybe you had a soft heart after all.

Now you were sitting on the bed with your phone in the hand, hesitant about what you were planning to do.

You started this job to ruin him, to turn his luxurious life into a horror, and probably close him behind the bars, not to actually fell for his charms. You were supposed to be his nightmare. Nothing more. But he made you feel things you didn't feel for a long time. For the first time in years, or maybe even in your whole life, you started to desire not only man's body but also his attention and... heart.

The worst thing was that you didn't understand why you wanted him so badly. He did quite a few things that would probably scare any sane person away. But he had something in him that pulled you so hard that you were ready to let those words and actions slide away. He was almost impossible to resist. He was constantly in your head, your mind provided you scenarios that were rather scary. You couldn't allow yourself to fall in love with him, that was not an option, and you needed to remember that.

With that in mind, you dialed Anna's number. That was the best thing to do for now. “Hey Anna, um- I... I need a day off. Can you pass it to B/N,” you said when she answered finally. You felt bad giving her that task. She would definitely get yelled at, but you couldn't do it yourself. The sound of B/N's voice would change your mind, you were painfully aware of that.

“Something happened? You don't sound good.”

“Well no... I mean, yes... kind of?”

“What's going on, Y/N?”

“I just... I don't feel well, you know? Please, just tell him I won't come today.”

“He won't be pleased with it. Since the early morning, he was nagging me to sent you to him as soon as you come to the office. He wanted to talk about something important or... I don't know. He was pretty weird. But I can't, and I don't want to force you to anything.”

“Thank you. I will see you tomorrow?” It wasn't really a statement. You weren't sure if you would come or not. You needed space and time to think about everything, and his presence wasn't helping at all.

Even though, you didn't trust Kyo anymore, it wasn't like you were going to ditch your mission. You wanted to know what B/N possibly hid and why Kyo so desperately wanted those information. Or, if there was really nothing on B/N, you wanted to find out who and why was trying to end him. You just needed to come up with different, smarter plan. Maybe getting closer to him wasn't the worst idea, you would get to know not only his secrets but his body and time would be at your disposal.

And that, wouldn't be too bad.

But what would happen later? You would disappear into thin air, without any explanation, without anything really, but all feelings and memories would stay with you for the rest of your life. Were few weeks or months with him worth remembering them till your last days? Were you ready for such sacrifice?

Your phone suddenly started buzzing, interrupting your thoughts. Without looking at the screen, you picked it up.

“Yes?”

“Y/N, what's going on?” B/N's voice was laced with worry.

Your grip on the phone tightened. “I'm not in the best state. I need to rest a bit,” you answered quietly. His call was the last thing you needed right now. You could have imagined him, sitting in his chair with slightly messy hair and raised eyebrows. He was probably in another perfectly tailored suit that made him look so tempting. You shook your head, trying to focus on something else. To focus on anything beside him.

“Is it because of what happened yesterday?” Now he sounded even gentler. He was obviously worried, making your heart skip a beat. You wanted to feel his arms around you so badly now.

“No, absolutely not,” you answered. No matter what you couldn't let him know that that situation affected you in any way. He shouldn't know how much power he had over you.

He sighed. “I'm sorry that I left you alone at that damn party. It was stupid. If you want, if it will make you feel better, I can turn Sheng's life into a real hell.”

“What? No, I already forgot about that. Besides, it wouldn't be the first time that something like this happened to me.” You bit your tongue immediately after the last sentence left your mouth. You said that without thinking, without even realizing what you just did. Opening up to him was the worst thing you could have done. “Forget I said that. I don't know why I did it.”

“What do you mean forget it? You were sexually assaulted before? What the fuck,” he raised his voice shocked. “Why are you so chill about it?” You could almost see how he straightened in his chair, how his muscle tensed.

“B/N, it was long ago and... well, I don't need to explain it to you.”

“Are you kidding me? You know how much power I have, I can make anyone pay for what they did, I can...”

“Stop it. I don't even remember who those people were. Plus, why would you do this? Why do you care?”

“Because...fuck.” He sounded annoyed and angry. It was kind of... sweet that he cared about you so much, even if he didn't want to admit to it. “If you don't want, then okay. But if it's not because of Sheng, why can't you come today? Is it about what happened later?”

Your heart sped up. “No. Why are you so stubborn? I want to rest, that's it. Can't you understand that? Just go with your day and leave me alone for some time.” You ended the call angrily, throwing the phone on the bed.

Why? Why the fuck he started to care about you? He was making everything so hard. Something changed... he changed. You didn't give him any reason to like you, let alone to be so concerned about you. You were a pain in the ass, to say the least. So why he suddenly became so worried about you?

You sneaked into Markus' house and took your shoes off. “Bro, are you here?”

“Yeah. Take a bottle of water from kitchen with you.”

You entered the small room and stopped in your track. The inside was so messy that you couldn't put your foot anywhere. Markus was always busy but that couldn't be excused. Empty bottles of water, dirty paper plates and pizza boxes were scattered around everywhere. How could he live like that?

“Hey, can you be a little bit cleaner? It's not that hard to take out the trash, you know,” you yelled, kicking your way to the other side of kitchen.

“I'm kinda busy, Y/N. And that's your fault, by the way. If you want, you can clean it up.”

“Sure and what else,” you mocked, annoyed. The truth was that you would probably do it anyway. It wouldn't be the first time. Besides, he had a point. He was doing research for you without anything in return and you could do at least that for him. In fact, cleaning his house was like a currency in your friendship – he was looking for things for you, and in return you were making his place fit for living.

You took a full bottle from the floor and headed to Markus' office. “Here.”

“Thanks.”

You sat on a stool and looked at one of the screens. “How's work?”

He sighed, leaning in the chair. “Not as good as I would like to. Kyo is not stupid, I knew that, but it seems that his little pet Sammy is actually a lot smarter than I thought. He did pretty good job, Kyo's files are strongly secured and I need a lot more time to break those algorithms.”

“Can I help you somehow?”

“Not with this, we both know you have no idea what I'm doing here,” he laughed. “But you can cook something. I haven't eaten anything besides pizza for... a week?”

“Jesus, didn't I tell you to stop with all this unhealthy food?”

“Quit nagging, you're not my mother,” he said with a cheeky smile. You hit his head playfully and got up.

Cooking with what Markus had in his fridge wasn't an easy task but you finally managed to do something edible. You also cleaned his whole house and pleased with results, you came back to him. He quickly digged into the food with content sigh.

You took a better look at him. He was slimmer than before, and dark circles reached nearly to half of his cheeks. He was spending definitely too much time on this. You felt terrible because of this. He was ready to do anything to help you, even if that meant not taking care of himself.

Markus glanced at you, and opened his mouth to say something, but he was cut off by your ringing phone. You looked at the screen and declined the call immediately.

“Who was that?”

“B/N. I really don't want to talk to him right now.”

“Anything happened?”

“Actually, yes. You could say that we had a moment yesterday.” Markus choked and looked at you suspiciously. “Not in a way that you think. In short, he took me to a business party where some dude stuck to me for the whole night. Mind you, he was disgusting, and B/N left me with him all alone. But then he hit him, injured his hand because of it, I invited him to my house to take care of it and... I don't know, the atmosphere... It was pretty intense. And today he's calling me nonstop because I took day off.”

“You didn't want to be around him.”

“Yeah. I'm fucked, man. I'm so confused, I don't know what I'm feeling. On the one hand, I want to be close to him but on the other, I want to avoid him as much as I can. What am I suppose to do?”

Your phone buzzed again. Annoyed, you looked at the screen and rolled your eyes. Wasn't he tired of calling? What did he even want from you at this point?

“Answer it, maybe it's something important,” Markus said with troubled expression.

You hesitated for a moment but finally picked it up. “B/N, can you stop already?” The other end of the line was silent. You could only heard his fast, erratic breath and some weird slow music. “B/N?”

“What are you doing to me, Y/N? Why am I doing things I wouldn't normally do?”

You looked at Markus with confusion written all over your face. “Are you drunk?”

“Yeah,” he mumbled.

“Where are you?” You stood up, ready to pick him up. He definitely had too much alcohol. You knew he could drink a lot, he was good at it. But if he brought himself to such state, it meant that he crossed his limit.

And it seemed like it was your fault.

He laughed loudly. “What? Are you gonna come and save me? Why should I explain myself to you if you didn't want to do the same?”

“B/N, where the fuck are you?”

“Find me.”

And with that he ended the call. You tried to reach him a few more times, but he ignored you. You groaned. “Markus, can you track him?”

Half hour later you entered richly looking bar. It was full of man in suits and girls with few or none clothes on. You were in places like this before, and every time was like a torture for you. They were all the same, the same pits of despair for wealthy, horny men.

You searched the inside with a glance, wanting nothing more than to leave as quickly as possible, and noticed B/N at the corner. On the table, he was sitting by, stood around four empty bottles and girl in dress shorter than you ever saw, was kissing B/N's neck. He wasn't even looking at her, visibly unsatisfied with her company.

But you merely noticed it. You clenched your hands in to fists, ready to hit someone. Anyone really. The fact that she had her arms wrapped around him made you boil with anger.

You moved into his direction, and as soon as you reached him, you dragged the girl from him. “Out,” you commanded with anger in voice. B/N looked at you puzzled. His eyes were glossy, and skin pinkish. He was drunker than you expected.

“Find yourself someone else, girl,” she said, trying to push you away.

You grabbed her wrist and spun her around. “I said, get the fuck out of here. Your pretty little face won't be this pretty anymore if you don't listen to me. I won't repeat myself,” you gritted through clenched teeth. She broke out of your grip and with mad expression on her face, she left. You turned around and crossed your arms. B/N was looking at you amazed. “Get up, we are leaving.”

“How did you find me,” he stammered.

“You want me to drag you from here? Because I definitely can. Move your ass, you drunkard.” Without looking behind you, you headed to the door.

When you sat in your car, your hands gripped the wheel madly. What was he even doing? Was he really this upset with you? He was acting like a teenager, not like a well-known CEO, and it made you question everything you learned about him up to now.

He joined you second later and obediently fastened his seat belt. You glanced at him and noticed how carefully he was watching you. He probably didn't expect you to come this fast. Hell, he probably didn't expect you to come at all.

During the whole way to his apartment neither of you said anything. Few times he opened his mouth as if to say something, but he closed them as soon as he looked at you. You wanted to scream at him, to make him understand how dumb were his actions. He couldn't be this stupid. Drinking almost till he lost consciousness, fooling around with a random girl. It wasn't what prosperous businessman should do on weekdays.

You stopped your car in the parking lot of his apartment's complex and turned the engine off. You looked at him with daggers in your eyes.

“Get out and sleep it off,” you gritted through your teeth, but he didn't even flinch.

“Can you come with me?”

You blinked a few times, amused with his bluntness. “What?”

“I... I don't think I can make it alone. The whole world is spinning.”

You sighed, exhausted. Going into his house wasn't your dream right now. You were extremely mad at him, but still some part of you cared for him too much to leave him alone now. Again...

You knew it was a bad idea however, you got out of your car and help him stand on his feet. He staggered and your arm instinctively wrapped around him. He was close, too close. You felt his hot, stinking of alcohol breath on your cheek. Your whole body tensed.

You dragged him to an elevator and pushed him inside. He stumbled, losing the last bits of balance he had in him. He leaned forward, crushing you between him and a cold metal surface. His hands grabbed your hips in an attempt to steady himself. You sucked the breath harshly. Your skin burnt like crazy and your head was spinning with the feeling of B/N's proximity.

You put your hands on his torso and pushed him lightly. “B/N move, I need to select the floor.” His grip on you tightened. Without looking at a panel, he pushed one of the buttons with his elbow and put his head on your shoulder. You held your breath startled. His lips were dangerously close to your neck, and you stupidly wished he would put them on you. “What are you doing?”

“I'm not sure,” he laughed. His breath tickled your skin, sending shivers down your spine. “I just want you closer.”

“You're drunk, you're talking crazy.”

“Maybe. But it feels nice.” Your heart was racing. It felt nice, but it was so wrong at the same time.

When his mouth touched your sensitive skin, the door opened and you left the lift as fast as you could. B/N lurched forward and groaned dissatisfied.

“Keys,” you ordered, extending your arm.

He smirked, coming closer to you. “I have them in the pocket of my jeans. I can't pull them out.”

You looked at him annoyed and grabbed him by the belt. You pushed your hand into his front pocket and mentally slap yourself in an attempt to slow your heart down. His pants were extremely tight and you had problems with moving your fingers. You felt B/N's eyes on you, observing your every move with heavy breath. When you finally grabbed the keys and pulled your hand out, you accidentally brushed against B/N's hardening dick. He moaned shamelessly. Your whole body tensed again, and you needed to take a deep breath to calm yourself. With reddening cheeks you turned around and opened the door to his apartment, trying to ignore how much you wanted to jump him.

His apartment was bigger than you expected. It was filled with modern and richly looking furniture, everything was neat and clean, and it smelled like a mix of B/N's perfume and the man himself. Now, even breathing was hard.

You glanced over your shoulder. “You're inside, so I will go now.”

B/N blocked your way. “Can you stay a little longer,” he pleaded.

“For what?”

“Just stay for ten fucking minutes, can't you do this? Is someone waiting for you?”

You sighed and headed to the kitchen. You grabbed a glass, filled it with water and went to his bedroom, expecting him to follow you. You set the glass on the table beside the huge bed, leaned against it and looked at B/N. He was struggling with buttons of his suit, and with roll of your eyes, you came closer to him. You pushed his hands away and helped him took it off. You hesitated for a moment but finally removed his shirt too. His body was deliciously fit and lightly tanned. Every muscle was highly visible and tempting. You wanted to trace your hands over his skin, find every mark on it, and kiss every centimeter of him. But you needed to be the responsible one.

B/N's fingers closed around your wrist. “I kinda like it.”

“Stop it. Take your pants off and go to the bed.”

“Oh and it's getting better.”

You shook your head and stepped aside. You took a look around his bedroom. It was frighteningly empty, no photos, no decorations, nothing. It looked exactly like your room. From what you've heard, he wasn't close with his family, so the reason behind this emptiness was also similar. Maybe he resembled you more than you initially thought.

You heard the squeak of his bed, so you turned to him.

“Can I go now?”

“Jesus Christ, why are you in such a hurry?”

“Okay, okay, fine,” you groaned and sat on the floor beside the nightstand. B/N rolled on his side and set his eyes on you. “If you don't want me to go, maybe instead you want to tell me why did you drink so much?”

He was silent for a few minutes before he answered slowly, “You pissed me off this morning and... I don't know, I was mad at you... at me, and it kinda just happened.”

“And why would you be mad at me? I wanted one day off. One day.”

“You didn't want to tell me what was going on, and I was... worried. Don't look at me like that, I know it sounds weird, but I can't really explain it.”

You traced your fingers on his arm without thinking. His words pulled at the strings in your heart that you didn't even know existed. He could act as if he had no emotions, but his drunk self was brutally honest, telling you things you were scared to hear. The truth was that even if he didn't want to admit it, or maybe he didn't understand it yet, he was falling for you.

And that scared the hell out of you because you started to feel the same.

You never really experienced something like this. It was so new to you. Caring about someone that way, wanting to be with them and receiving the same from that person was nice. But deep down you couldn't convince yourself that love was something for you. No one ever loved you, and until now, you were sure that that was how it should have been. Was it even useful to change it now?

You opened your mouth to say that you really need to leave but you closed them when you noticed that B/N fell asleep already. His breath was slow and rhythmic, lips slightly parted, hair covered his closed eyes and fingers laced together with yours. He looked so peaceful, so beautiful.

You moved closer and traced your digits over his face. “What are we going to do now, B/N?”

You took his keys, hoping he would think he left them somewhere and headed to the security guard situated by the entrance of the building.

“Hey, I'm Y/N. I'm B/N's assistant. Can you please do something for me?”

The old man looked at you with a friendly smile. “How can I help you, miss?”

“Can you check on B/N tomorrow morning? He drank too much and I'm kind of scared that something may happen to him in sleep. I know I shouldn't leave him alone but I can't really stay here. I would be so grateful.”

“It's gonna be weird, but sure. What should I say to him?”

“Whatever you want. But don't mention I was here, please.”

You got in the car and leaned your head on the steering wheel, defeated.

Annoying sound of doorbell woke B/N up. He opened his eyes carefully but closed them as soon as the sunlight blinded him. His head was heavy and it throbbed with pain. Everything was too bright and too loud. He wasn't sure where he was but quick check of his surroundings told him he was in his own bed.

How the hell he ended up here?

He couldn't remember single thing from yesterday. All he knew was that he got mad at you and went to drink. Everything that happened later was a mystery for him. Did he do anything weird? Did he hook up with someone? Who brought him here?

The doorbell rang again. He stood up with a groan and noticed a glass of water on the bedside. Did he put it here? He downed it and headed to the door.

He was confused. No one ever visited him... besides girls he invited himself. Was it one of them? “Coming,” he yelled when the sound of bell filled his ears one more time. He wanted to throw up because of it. Every step required a lot more strength than normally.

“Good morning, sir. Sorry for interrupting you so early but I wanted to tell you that there's been a suspicious man who sniffed around our building, so you should be careful,” said the older man. From what B/N remembered he was one of the security guards. He had no idea what was his name, not that it was important for him.

“Okay, I will remember this.” He was about to close the door, when he thought about something. “Hey, you were here all night?”

“Yes, why are you asking?”

“Do you perhaps know how I got here,” he asked with hope.

The man tensed and scratched his head, averting B/N's gaze. “Well...”

“Yes,” B/N insisted, looking at the man suspiciously.

“Well... some girl brought you here.”

“And what did she look like?”

“I don't remember clearly, sorry.”

B/N sighed. “That's fine, thanks.” He closed the door and leaned on them. So he was with a girl yesterday. Who was it? Why didn't she stayed with him? He had some bits of memories, memories of someone undressing him, but it was so faint that he couldn't tell if those were real or if it was just a dream.

What really happened last night?

And why, for fuck's sake, he was this horny from the early morning?

He came back to his room and grabbed his phone. The thing he was about to do... he wasn't sure if it was a good idea, but he needed some relief. And he needed it as fast as possible.

With a weird feeling, something too similar to betrayal, he called Anna.

You entered the office extremely late. You didn't know what to expect. Was B/N already there? Was he okay? Did he remember anything from yesterday? You yourself couldn't sleep at all. Your mind was full of thoughts about him and the situation you were in. You were scared of your own feelings, and didn't know what to do with all of this anymore.

You said hello to Anna and headed to B/N's office.

“He's not there,” Anna informed you.

You turned around to look at her, suddenly worried. “Something happened?”

“I don't think so. He called me earlier and said that he will be out today because he has a remarkably important thing to do. For me, it was bullshit. Yesterday he was worse than normally, and he got out of the office pretty quickly, so I assume that he drank too much. Nothing to worry about.”

He was fine and that was the only thing that mattered to you.

You looked at the clock on your phone. Fifteen more minutes and you would be free. It was so boring without B/N, the only thing you did was stroll around the company aimlessly and talked with people about nothing important. You tried to keep your mind occupied with things other than B/N but it was hard. What was he doing? What was that thing he needed to do? You thought whether you should call him or not but finally decided not to. There wasn't really a need and you didn't want to look like you were worried about him.

You slowly got up from your chair and gathered all your belongings.

“I'm gonna go, Anna. I'm bored and there is no reason for me to be here any longer,” you said.

“Okay. I will see you tomorrow,” she answered without looking at you. You were about to step into the elevator when she yelled, “Y/N! You picked up B/N's suit from tailor, right?”

You spun on your heel with fear in your eyes, “Holy shit. He's gonna kill me.”

“He probably will. Here,” Anna threw a key in your direction. You caught it with confusion written all over your face. “It's a spare key to his apartment. Just in case.”

You thanked her, even though you didn't really need it, and rushed into the elevator. You hit the button with fist and leaned your head on the cold surface of the huge mirror inside. After all the things that happened you actually forgot about your duties as the assistant. Maybe he was nicer to you, but he definitely still cared about his job and appearance. He never showed up at meetings in the same clothes. The change in his feelings towards you wouldn't really matter in that case.

The ride was rather short and you were extremely glad for it. You parked on the pavement, jumped out of your car and sped to the luxury store. Middle-aged woman behind a counter looked at you suspiciously. You tried to catch your breath before standing straight.

“Hello, I'm here to pick Mr. B/L/N suit.”

“Oh, right.” Her voice was moderately calm but you picked trace of irritation in it. “I was waiting the whole day, miss.”

“I'm so sorry, it was such a busy day at work. I couldn't make it earlier,” you lied.

Woman eyed you up and down and her eyes softened a little bit. “It's okay, I understand. It's probably hard to work for such demanding young man,” she laughed.

“Only sometimes,” you smiled softly, taking a bag with suit from her. “Thank you so much and once again, I'm really sorry for the inconvenience. Goodbye.”

You left the store and rolled eyes. Hard? That's a huge understatement.

You hanged the suit over your arm and moved towards B/N's apartment. It wasn't far from the shop and some walk seemed like a good idea to clear your head a bit. You prayed under your nose that the thing he needed to do involved going out, and he wouldn't be at home because that would probably mean scolding.

You sighed. You weren't sure if you were ready to meet him after previous night. You were scared but on the other hand, you wished he would be at home. It was still hard to admit it but you really missed his face, his voice, the way he looked at you.

You approached his building complex and said hello to a different security guard this time. He bowed his head and let you in after you introduced yourself. You pulled out keys and slowly opened the door. The inside was peaceful and quiet. You exhaled. He was out. You kicked your shoes off, put your bag on the table in the kitchen and headed into his bedroom.

You definitely weren't ready for what you saw.

B/N was lying in his bed... with a girl between his legs. She was sucking him off with the most unpleasant sound you ever heard. You were sure she didn't know what she was doing. And his face confirmed your assumptions - he covered his eyes with hand but you saw his bored expression.

You were shocked, to say the least. So, that was the thing he needed to take care off. Remarkably important thing. Fucking jerk. And you were worried about him all day. For no reason. You should have known better. All those changes in him? Those sincere words from yesterday? It was a bullshit. He didn't change at all, he didn't care about you. And you fell for that.

Feeling of betrayal clamped around your heart. If anything started to bloom between the two of you, now it was gone. Like everything else in your life.

You pulled yourself together and cleared your throat, “B/N?”

His eyes snapped open and he looked directly at you. The girl raised her head with drool all over her chin unmoved. You chuckled, scanning his body slowly and staring a little too long at his thick half hard cock. It was pathetic. She was terrible, and she didn't even care. The thought of you on her place crossed your mind and you blinked shocked. It wasn't the time for thoughts like this.

“What are you doing here?” B/N asked with guilt in his eyes. Quit acting, you fucker.

You glanced at him with fake smile, “I brought you your suit. Sorry for the delay.”

“That's okay. Hang it in the wardrobe.”

“Sure thing.”

As soon as you stepped into the closet, you heard his moans. You stopped abruptly and took a sharp breath. What the fuck, B/N? Just a few seconds ago you were bored and now she suddenly knows how to make you feel this good? Sounds he was producing made you clenched your shaky thighs together, your core burned more and more with every moan that left his lips. You shut your eyes and tried to calm your racing heart and erratic breath. Oh god, you're doing this on purpose. You hung the suit with shaky hands and leaned against a dresser. Calm down, Y/N, calm down. It's not like you never heard man moan. Heck, you were the reason they made those sounds in the first place! He's doing this just to make fun of you, just to make you aware that you're stupidly naive.

You couldn't control your feelings. You were angry, disappointed and wronged but no matter what sounds that were escaping his lips aroused you, and you hated yourself for this. You felt the wetness gathering on the fabric of your underwear and it was becoming uncomfortable. There was no point in staying there any longer. You took deep breath and left the wardrobe, trying to appear more confident than you were.

You stopped with a hand on the door. “I put the suit on the left. I want to remind you that you have a meeting at eight tomorrow so please, don't play for too long... boss,” you said with blank expression, staring directly into his eyes. Before you closed the door, you heard him swear.

“Are you crazy,” the girl screamed, coughing hysterically.

You laughed, feeling almost dead inside.

She was useless. He didn't feel anything even though she had her lips around his cock for what seemed like an hour now. He didn't go to work today and invited her to his house to finally relieve some pressure that built in him but it was no use. He felt even worse than before. She didn't know what she was doing, and he started to think that he should throw her out. It wasn't a good idea after all. She wasn't you...

He was about to stop her and throw her out when he heard your voice. “B/N?”

His eyes opened so fast that his vision got blurred. It wasn't his imagination, you were standing there, looking at his body. His cock twitched a little, and he swore in his head. Your eyes ignited the flame in his body that the girl between his legs couldn't do for such a long time. He just needed you around to get hard.

“What are you doing here?” The first thing he noticed when he regained his composure was the harsh look in your eyes. You were mad, it was obvious to him. He felt the guilt building up in him even more.

“I brought you your suit. Sorry for the delay.”

“That's okay. Hang it in the wardrobe.” Wild idea crossed his mind. Maybe it wasn't that bad that you came here. He needed you to get rid of this annoying feeling of dissatisfaction. And if he couldn't have you directly, your presence would be enough. It wouldn't be the same, but he couldn't count on more.

“Sure thing.” He focused on the way your hips sway from side to side when you moved to the wardrobe, and he pushed the girl back onto his dick. She started to suck him again with the same slow pace but this time it felt different. Now his eyes were on your back. He was imagining your plump lips around him instead, he tried to picture you in her position with your hair all over your redden face and drool dripping from your chin.

Loud moan left his parted lips. He wanted you, he wanted you so badly right now. He was ready to throw this girl out of his house if you only said one word. He didn't care about her at all, his mind was occupied with you and it felt so perfect. He saw how your legs trembled and it drove him closer to his climax. He was affecting you the same way you affected him. You could say and do whatever you wanted but you still desired him.

You turned around and he quickly looked away. “I put the suit on the left. I want to remind you that you have a meeting at eight tomorrow so please” you stared into his eyes with blank expression, but your gaze held so much power that he almost lose it, he loved that, “don't play for too long... boss.” He couldn't control himself anymore. As soon as you finished your sentence he came hard, filling the girl's mouth with his seed. Echo of the word “boss” rang inside his head, tormenting him. He never knew that it would arouse him but when it left your pretty lips he lost every bit of control he had. It was a bit embarrassing that he came so fast but it doesn't really matter at that moment. He finally got what he wanted.

“Are you crazy,” the girl screamed, coughing hysterically. He didn't pay any attention to her, trying to catch his breath after long-awaited climax. “I told you that I don't want you to finish inside my mouth! It's gross. Jesus, now you need to do something for me, too,” she smiled sweetly while tracing her fingers on his leg.

“Get out,” he said.

“What?”

“I said, get the fuck out,” he repeated irritated.

“Don't you think I need something in return for the favor?”

“I didn't come thanks to you. You, in fact, were terrible. It was because of her,” he pushed her to the other side of the bed and turned around. “Take your clothes and get out.”

“You son of a bitch,” she yelled, grabbed her belongings and run out of the room.

He closed eyes slowly and imagined you next to him - exhausted, sweaty and his...

You threw yourself on your sofa and groaned loudly. “Fuck you, B/N,” you yelled into the ceiling frustrated. Your whole body, every muscle inside you burnt with anger and desire.

That was why you never engaged yourself in love. Being this vulnerable because of someone, always brought you pain. It made you weak and miserable. You should have learned already that depending on other people was the worst thing to do. They were always only pretending to care. Just as your own parents.

You ran your hand through your hair irritated. You definitely weren't sane. Why the hell you couldn't push his image out of your head? How could you be still attracted to the man that deceived you?

You couldn't concentrate because of the burning feeling in your abdomen. Flustered, you squeezed your thighs together to get some friction. When you moved your hand down, you told yourself over and over again that you were doing this just to get rid of that feeling. Not because of your mind, flashing you image of his sweaty body. Not because of his sweet moans, echoing in your ears.

Your fingers brushed past your wet folds and you pushed them inside you with a low groan. With every move of your hand you were more and more mad. It wasn't enough, it simply didn't feel right.

With heavy feeling of hate, you tried to imagine his lips on your neck, sucking and kissing your hot skin, his long fingers moving inside you, his deep voice saying dirty things right into your ear.

“B/N.” Long moan left your lips shamelessly. You felt dirty. You were nothing to him and yet, there you were, pleasing yourself to the thought of him. How low could you fall?

You digged nails into your thigh hardly, when you finally reached your high.

When a guy from an accounting department, whose name you forgot, told you that the team have planned to go to the party after work and you should join them, you eagerly agreed. Events of recent days became too hard to handle for you and you desperately needed some time to relax and forget, even for a few minutes, about B/N. For the past few days your head was full of extreme thoughts. You weren't sure if you still wanted to continue your task, if you wanted to stay around B/N any longer. You were hurt, and the fact that he acted like nothing happened at first was even more upsetting. He finally noticed the change in your attitude but it seemed that it wasn't something he cared about.

That was why you agreed to join the team that Friday night. That, and because you didn’t even remember when was the last time you went out, not to mention the last time you had sex. And you needed it more than ever. Because of the memory of that night, which you couldn't push out of your head, you were terribly tensed and needy. Even though, you felt terrible about it, that was your reality.

And when you learned that he was probably going too, you felt the need to make him angry, you wanted him to feel what you felt that day you had caught him with another girl. You wished he would really come, see you with someone else and go beyond his limits. You wanted him to boil with anger, to suffer.

“You got this, Y/N. It’s gonna be fine,” you said to yourself. You finished applying red lipstick and took last glance at your image in the mirror. You looked sexy, your black tight mini dress hugged your body in all right places, highlighting the fact that you didn’t wear a bra. Your hair fell back over your shoulders in perfect curls and your makeup was minimal except for bright red lipstick. You smiled to yourself, grabbed a bag from the bed and headed out from your apartment.

When you walked out of a cab right in front of a club, loud sensual music hit your ears. Small groups of drunk people were standing by the entrance, some laughing, some kissing. The inside of the club was extremely hot, smelled like alcohol, weed and sweaty bodies. Dim light and smoke were creating mysterious and arousing atmosphere. People were dancing close to each other, grinding on strangers shamelessly.

You missed such places. There was a time in your life when you spent night after night in clubs like this one, drinking and fooling around with men. It was your way to blow off steam. But since you started your mission that was rare. You spent most of your time at the office with B/N or at Markus’ house, searching for any clues that could help you understand the whole situation you were in. Today was your long-awaited time to relax.

“Y/N,” you heard someone from the left calling your name, so you turned in that direction. You saw a few people from work, sitting on a red couch. You didn’t remember their names except for Anna’s. You smiled at them and sat beside her.

“Beer? Cocktail,” asked guy in a white shirt. You remembered him from somewhere but you weren’t sure where he exactly worked. He was handsome but your plan was to hook up with someone who wouldn’t lose their job because of it.

“Vodka, a lot of vodka,” you said with a grin.

Hour later you lost count of how much you had drunk. You felt dizzy and extremely hot. You didn't have such good time in months. However, there was no sign of B/N and you didn’t really want to wait any longer for him. He probably decided to not come. You started scanning the dance floor, looking for someone suitable for the night. No one really caught your attention until you saw a guy standing by the bar. He was looking at you hungrily, sipping slowly on his whiskey. His tight white button shirt was slightly open, revealing tanned body, his hair were messy and you imagined running your fingers through them. Heat between your legs became unbearable.

You got up with intention to come closer to him but Anna’s hand grabbed your wrist. You turned to her with question on your face.

“You sure you can go anywhere in that state,” she asked. You only nodded your head, scared that she would sense the need in your voice. “Don’t you want to wait for boss?”

You shrugged, yanking your hand from her grip. You looked at the guy again. He was closer now, slowly swaying his body to the rhythm. Wait for boss? For what? Fuck him.

You approached the guy with a smirk on your lips. “Hey,” you said, linking your arms around his neck.

“Hey pretty.” His hands landed on your ass and pulled you close to him. He lowered his head to your neck, kissing and sucking on your skin roughly. You moaned loudly, grinding on his half hard dick, and he squeezed your butt in response. You felt wave of heat in your core, you couldn’t wait any longer, you needed some relief.

You grabbed his hair, pulled his head up and smashed your lips with his. The kiss was rough and needy. One of his hands traveled under the hem of your dress and touched your pussy through panties. You felt him smirk into the kiss when he felt how wet you were.

“Bathroom,” you mumbled between shaky breaths.

He swung you around and guided you to the closed area. His arm around your waist sent shivers down your spine. It didn't feel as good as you wanted, but he was better than nothing.

You kissed him again once the door to the bathroom closed with a quiet click. You run your fingers through his already messy hair, tugging it strongly. He lifted the hem of your dress up to your belly button and shoved his hand into your underwear. You groaned, throwing your head back and giving him access to your neck. He sucked at it again, leaving marks on the sensitive skin. He pushed his erection into your thigh, pinching your swollen pussy at the same time. You screamed in pain and pleasure.

You definitely needed it. You were sure you wouldn't remember his face tomorrow morning but that annoying feeling of dissatisfaction would be gone. And that was what you wanted. Screw B/N for now. Screw him and his fucking game.

The guy was about to push one of his fingers inside you when the door swung open, and he flew into the other side of the room…

He didn’t know why he was doing that exactly. He never went with his employees to party. Moreover, he never visited such filthy and unpleasant places like this bar. He preferred more elegant places with the same amount of horny girls ready to satisfy him. Now he felt disgusted and wanted to leave as soon as the smell of sweat hit his nose. How someone could enjoy something like this?

He looked around and noticed his secretary surrounded by people who he probably should have recognized. He didn’t even bother to recall their names, it was useless for him. He was here just to see you, just to observe how you acted in such environment. Maybe he even hoped that you would change your attitude towards him. After that… incident that happened in his bedroom, you became so cold, so distant, so… practical. You stopped arguing with him, you were doing all your tasks without a word and that made him furious.

He hated it, he hated every second of time spent with you. And it was all his fault. Just when he thought that the things started to look a bit different in his life, that maybe there was a chance and a reason to change his behavior, he fucking ruined it. All because of his stupid mind.

He came closer to the sofa and sat on the edge of it.

“Oh, look who’s here,” shouted a girl with short blond hair. She was clearly drunk as fuck, her eyes were foggy, and she spoke in irritating high-pitched voice. Her comment brought all eyes on him, making him kinda uncomfortable. “Boss, do you want to drink something?”

He looked at them with pity and finally realized that you weren’t there. “I’m not in the mood.”

“Sad,” she giggled and emptied shot of vodka.

B/N looked around, searching for you. He was mad at himself that he agreed to come here. He didn’t like those people, he couldn’t even drink. After the last time, there was no chance he would pour any alcohol in his system for a while.

He sighed and looked at keys in his hands ready to leave. What was the point of being around those people if you weren’t here?

“Boss?” He raised his head and glanced at his secretary. “Are you looking for Y/N?”

He twitched, shocked by her question. Was it that obvious? No, no one seemed to care, they were deep in other conversations, and they didn’t pay any attention to the both of them. Fuck.

“Why would I?”

“I don’t know, it was just a question,” she said while tracing her fingers on the edge of the glass. Something was off, he felt it.

“Just a question? Why did you ask that, huh,” he was mad. He didn’t like the idea of someone knowing that you were on his mind. Especially people who didn’t mean anything to him.

“Well, I thought you would ask about her since we told you she will come. I’m assuming that you agreed just because of this. After all, she’s the closest to you from all of us.” He exhaled slowly. She didn’t suspect anything after all.

He smiled to himself. “That’s true. So” he leaned towards her a little bit, “she didn’t come?”

“Oh no, she came.” He looked at her confused. Corners of her lips twitched. “I guess she’s with that hot guy that was looking at her all night. And I think she will definitely come more than once tonight” she giggled at her own joke.

B/N grabbed her by her shoulders. She whined at his sudden action. “Where the fuck is she?”

“How would I know? I'm not her guardian. Maybe bathroom?” He stood up abruptly and headed in given direction.

He gritted his teeth. Mad wasn’t even close to what he felt at this moment, he wanted to punch someone. Anyone, he didn’t care. He didn’t even understand completely why the thought of you with someone else made him this angry, but it did. He couldn't stand that someone could touch you, make you feel good. Fuck. Did you feel the same when you saw him that night?

He heard your lewd scream when he grabbed bathroom door’s knob. He pushed it quickly and saw you, head thrown back, eyes closed, mouth opened in pleasure and hand of a random guy in your underwear.

Without thinking, B/N punch him in the face, making him fly into the wall. He whined loudly and sank on the floor.

B/N looked at you with fury in his eyes…

Your eyes snapped open and you saw B/N in front of you. He was shaking with anger, his breath was fast and heavy, and his gaze was scarier than you've seen before.

You glanced at the unconscious guy who just seconds ago was about to fuck you. “What are you doing,” you screamed at B/N. You yanked your dress down and tried to come closer to his victim but B/N grabbed your hand and pushed you against the wall. “What?!”

“What,” he growled. “What am I doing? What the fuck are you doing?!”

“That’s non of your business, you jerk! I can do whatever I want! And I wanted to fuck him! Besides, you did the same! Am I not allow to?!”

The whole time you were trying to free yourself from his grip, but he was too strong for you. You attempted to kick him but in one second he grabbed both of your wrists in one hand, pinned them to the wall and caught your leg before you hit him. You cursed under your nose.

That was exactly what you wanted, you made him mad, he probably felt just like you. At least he looked like that. But you didn’t expect him to act this violent. You didn’t know he would take this so seriously.

You were about to scream at him again, but he suddenly kissed you.

You gasped shocked. His lips were much softer and sweeter than the guy’s on the floor, but they were much more greedy. You couldn’t lie, you loved the feeling of his mouth. You closed your eyes and thoughtlessly gave in the kiss. He made you a lot hornier. You felt the dampness inside your underwear more prominent than before. You wanted him, didn’t matter where or what will happen later, even what he did to you before wasn't important now, you just needed him. You moaned when his hand moved higher, touching your butt.

He broke the kiss and stared at you. You knew how you were looking, mouth opened, eyes hooded with desire and full of plea. He didn’t say anything, but he interlocked your fingers and pulled you out of the bathroom, leaving unconscious guy on the floor. He quickly crossed the dance floor and left the bar with you behind him. He opened his car and pushed you inside.

He was driving fast, definitely faster than he should have. He didn’t open his mouth during the ride even once. He looked extremely sexy with his clenched jaw and hands gripping the wheel strongly. But you were unsure, you didn’t know what he was planning. What if he wanted to drop you in your house?

Nah B/N, you’re not leaving me like this now.

Your intoxicated mind took action before you even thought about it carefully. Still looking directly at him, you slid hand down your body and you touched yourself through thin material of your panties. Quiet moan left your lips and brought B/N’s attention to you. He scanned your body, bringing more fire to your core. He clenched the wheel even tighter and sped more.

You knew you won.

When he pulled over to the parking in front of his apartment, you took out hand from your underwear. You wanted to open the door but he stopped you. He brought your fingers between his lips and suck your juices from them. His mouth was hot and his tongue… oh god, you imagined it on your pussy, slightly rough and definitely skilled. You moaned and yanked your hand back. One more minute and you were ready to fuck him in his expensive car.

He was faster than you, he opened door on your side and took you in his arms. You gasped loudly but quickly pushed your shock aside and you put your mouth on his neck, kissing and licking his hot skin. He growled and squeezed you tighter. You didn’t even notice when he entered his apartment. He stormed to his bedroom and threw you on the bed. You sat and took your heels off of your feet. Waiting eagerly for his next move, you moved on all fours and slowly licked your dry lips. He was looking at you and you were sure that after all he still wasn’t able to make up his mind. It was clear to you that he was torn between fucking you and leaving you there untouched.

“B/N,” you said in the most seductive way, “you can’t leave me now. Not when I want you so badly. I want you to fuck me. Rough. Please, boss.”

He was hesitant for a few seconds, but he finally grabbed you by your hair and brought you to his lips, “As you wish, kitten.”

He kissed you even harder than in the club. You felt intoxicated by his touch and smell, you needed him more than air at that moment. Your fingers found buttons of his shirt and you clumsily tried to undo it. He pushed you and ripped his shirt open. Sound of buttons hitting the floor made you gasped. B/N pinned you to the bed and yanked the front of your dress down, revealing your bare breast. Groan left his lips. His eyes on you made you hot, you wanted him to just fuck you, use you, whatever, you needed him inside you.

You were about to say this when his lips attacked your right nipple. You threw your head back, moaning loudly. His tongue swirled around it skillfully and then bit it harshly. Your hand flew into his hair and grabbed it. You felt him smirk into your skin, and then he repeated his action. Your mind was completely blank, there was only him, nothing else mattered. His every touch made you more desperate than you’ve ever been.

He released you and stood up. You looked at him confused. “Take off your clothes. Completely.” You obediently followed, throwing your dress and panties on the floor. “Good. On your knees,” he said while undoing his belt and taking off his jeans and underwear. You finally saw him completely naked in his full glory right in front of you. Your mouth watered at the sight of his cock. You licked your lips and looked up at him. “What are you waiting for? Suck.”

You grabbed his cock in your hand and gave it first lick, collecting precum from its tip. You hummed eagerly and took him fully in your mouth. He was hot, veiny and tasted insanely. You glanced at him when you started bobbing your head on his length, his eyes were closed, and he was breathing through clenched teeth. You couldn’t wait any longer, you needed some type of relief so you touched your wet folds. Shaky breath left your lips.

“Don’t even try,” B/N warned you, “Hands on your thighs.” His voice was deep, angry and filled with arousal. He grabbed your hair, wrap them around his hand and roughly yanked you on his dick. You choked, eyes widening at his violence. He started to fuck your mouth so aggressively that tears started to gather at the corner of your eyes, smearing your mascara all over your face. Saliva mixed with his salty precum dripped from your chin on the floor. You were so close to your high, you felt that tingly sensation build up inside your abdomen, and he wasn't even touching you. But then he stopped and pulled you on your feet. He licked your chin, looking straight into your eyes. “You want me, kitten?”

“Yes, boss.” Your voice was nothing more but a pleading whisper.

“I don’t think so. Try to convince me. What do you want from me?”

You swallowed impatiently. “I want you to fuck me, to use my body however you want to. Mark me, hit me, choke me, whatever, I just want your dick inside me, please,” you whined, touching his firm abs. “Please boss, please I…”

He didn’t let you finish, instead he pushed you on the bed again. “Get on all fours.”

His hand touched your butt and disappeared immediately just to land harshly on one of your cheeks seconds later. You moaned from pain and pleasure. He repeated it a few times, each one stronger than the previous. Your ass hurt as hell and you were sure that you will have problems with sitting tomorrow. But you didn’t care. You also didn’t care that your juices oozed from you down on the silk bed sheets, probably ruining them.

He hit you a few more time, but finally, after what seemed like an eternity, you felt his cock between your folds.

“B/N,” his name left your lips as a long whine and you felt him throb inside you. His moves were quick but steady, he filled you perfectly. Tears rolled down on your face, you were so sensitive, so close to your climax. You were sure that you wouldn’t last long. B/N grabbed your throat, squeezed it and brought you closer so that you were pressed to his chest.

“Are you going to cum for me like a good girl?” You nod slightly, unable to produce any words. His other hand traveled down to your clit and started rubbing it quickly. You couldn’t take it anymore.

Climax hit you so hard that you lost your vision, white spots danced in front of your eyes and you didn’t even hear your own weak scream. You were sure that if he wasn’t holding you, you would collapse. You never experienced something like this, it was the hardest orgasm you’ve ever had. You wanted nothing more than to lay on the soft bed and fall asleep.

But B/N wasn’t finished yet. He slammed into you harder and you screamed again. You were so overstimulated that his every move brought pain. You tried to free yourself and proposed to suck him off, but he only tightened his grip on your neck. You gasped for air and shut your eyes, unable to think anymore. His moves became sloppier, and he finally came with a loud moan. His hot seed filled you, bringing you to another orgasm.

Then there was only darkness…

He finally came. He was more than satisfied but the fact that this was probably the best sex and the hardest orgasm he ever had kinda terrified him. Maybe, just maybe, somewhere at the back of his mind such thought existed, but he didn’t want to admit it. You were intoxicating, that was certain. Your every move, every sound messed with his head, and he wasn’t sure if it was something good or bad. He didn’t really know what to think about it at all.

He loosened the grip on your throat. “Are you okay?”

You didn’t give him any response, so he looked at you with concern. Your head was laid on his shoulder, eyes closed and chest raising slowly. He smiled to himself.

Slowly, he put you on the bed and headed to the bathroom to get a towel. He carefully cleaned you from his cum and put blanket over your naked body. He laid next to you amazed. He had sex so many times but it never happened, no single women lost consciousness because of him. And no other women made him feel so satisfied, so… complete.

He gently touched your face. “You’re more dangerous than I thought, Y/N.”

He brought you to his chest and slowly fell asleep, breathing in your sweet scent...

Terrible headache woke you up in the morning. Sunlight that came through the window made you squeeze your eyes shut. Your throat was extremely sore and when you rolled on your side, sharp pain radiated from your ass. You whined, trying to remember what happened yesterday. Your memories were fogged, some unclear bits that didn't make any sense.

Something moved on your left and you snapped your eyes in this direction.

Then it hit you.

“Oh fuck.” You sat on the bed, blanket fell off of you, revealing your naked body. “Oh shit, shit, shit.” You quickly got up, trying not to wake B/N up, gathered your clothes from the floor and put them on in a hurry. What the fuck, Y/N? What have you done?

It wasn’t suppose to happen. You wanted to get laid but not with him… especially not with him, not after what he did. What were you thinking? Were you even thinking at all? Now being around him, would be even harder. Thought about leaving all this shit crossed your mind, but you didn't have time to think about it. You needed to get out of B/N's house. Fast.

You looked at him before leaving his bedroom. In the sunlight he looked like an angel but his messy hair and slightly opened mouth brought memories of the previous night. He was far from an angel.

You couldn’t stop yourself and before you registered what you were doing, you kissed him delicately. “I hope you won’t remember that, B/N.”

When he woke up, he was ready to brush your hair and inhale your scent. It was hard for him to fully understand that. He just felt the need to do that.

When he turned around to where you were supposed to lie and realized that you’re gone, he sat straight confused. He looked around, there was no trace of you in his room, all your belongings were gone, the side of the bed where you were lying yesterday was cold. He cursed under his breath. What the fuck? Last night you were begging him to fuck you, to use your body however he wanted, and now when you satisfied your needs you were gone? No “thank you”, no “forget about it”, nothing. You just left him naked and alone. It wasn’t going to work with him.

He clenched his jaw and headed into the shower. He needed to think. It wasn’t like he never done something like this, of course he was leaving women’s houses when he was finished with them, it was normal for him. But someone leaving him? It never happened and it made him furious. Did that sex mean nothing to you? You definitely wanted it and you enjoyed it as much as he did. And yet, you left without a word. Was that your plan? Did you want to use him and disappear, so he would feel like every woman he had? Or... maybe you wanted him to feel the same as you felt a few days ago.

He banged his head on the wall, cold water running down his face. His feelings confused him. He didn’t understand your motifs, not to mention your feelings, which he didn’t like. He wanted to know clearly whether you felt something for him or not. He needed to know this. Even though, he was still reluctant to admit it, the thought of you not caring about what happened yesterday upset him.

Because deep down, he cared about it.

B/N entered the company, ignoring people who greeted him. He wasn’t in the mood, he just wanted to ask you if you remember anything from previous night, and if you at least felt good. He opened his office and saw you leaning against his desk and explaining something to Jiho. You were wearing pencil skirt and turtleneck. When you turned to look at him, blush creeped on your cheeks and you lowered your gaze. You definitely remembered.

“B/N, good to finally see you. You know you’re late, right?” Jiho was clearly irritated. B/N sat on his chair and focused his gaze on you. You shifted uncomfortable. “You have meeting in an hour and you didn’t even read what Anna had prepared for you,” he continued. “I asked Y/N to prepare shorter version of the files. Familiarize yourself with them. Y/N will help you.”

“What,” she squeaked. “I think you will do better than me.”

“Oh I know but I have other things to do. I’m counting on you, Y/N,” he said and left the office.

Uncomfortable silence fell over both of you. You took a deep breath and looked up. Your teeth tightened on your lower lip. B/N wanted to grab you and pull your mouth into the kiss, he wanted to be the one to bite your lips.

“So…” he started.

“I’m going to briefly explain to you what your meeting will be about, boss,” you cut him off. He blinked a few times confused. It was the last thing he wanted to do with you right now.

“I think we have something to discus.”

“Yeah and it’s content of your meeting, boss.”

“Y/N.”

“No. As Jiho said, you have a meeting in an hour and you need to be prepared for it. You can’t risk loosing this connection. We can talk about whatever you want after the conference but I think it won’t be necessary.” Your tone made him clenched his fist. So you wanted to forget about yesterday’s night? It really meant nothing to you.

Next half an hour he spent learning useless information just to please you. He was looking at you the whole time, trying to understand what you were thinking. It was difficult for him, it was the best sex he ever had, and he was sure it was the same for you, yet you decided to not talk about this, to forget everything. He refused to let this happen, he wanted to repeat that night again and again.

"Okay, I think that’s all I can tell you. I will escort you to the meeting room and leave these files with you. You will definitely make it work,” you said finally.

He stood up and followed you to the elevator. You didn't talk, you didn't even spare a glance at him, making him more anxious than he already was. When the door closed themselves, he didn't hesitate. Without thinking, he pushed an emergency button. Elevator stopped between floors with a loud scraping sound.

“What the fuck B/N,” you yelled. You tried to push the button again, but he pinned you to the wall with his body.

“We are going to talk about yesterday’s night, whether you like it or not, Y/N,” he groaned into your ear. Your breath stopped in your throat and he noticed it. “Why did you leave without a word?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, really,” he mocked you, shoving his hand under your skirt. You shuddered when his slander fingers touched your core. “I’m sure you perfectly know what I’m talking about. Look how wet you are right now. And I barely touched you. You remember feeling of my cock inside you, right? Come on, Y/N, I know you want me.”

“You know nothing, B/N,” you whispered between moans. His fingers curled inside you, hitting your sensitive spot. You threw your head back. “Oh fuck.” His lips attacked your jaw, kissing it sloppily.

“I don’t think so. I definitely know how to make you feel good, kitten.” He removed his fingers and yanked your panties off of you. He unbuckled his jeans, picked you up and order you to wrap your legs around him. You obeyed and connected your lips together again. He entered you fast with a low groan. You were squeezing him tightly, and he felt like he was in heaven. It was perfect. Why the hell you wanted to forget about it?

Your arms wrapped around his neck and fingers tangled themselves in his hair. Sounds that were leaving your parted lips, brought him so close to his orgasm that he was ashamed of himself. “Come on, kitten, cum for me. I’m sure you want that.”

Your legs squeezed around him, bringing him even closer. You were purring into his ear with content.

“B/N… oh my god,” you moaned right after you came around him, pulling hardly on his hair. Your lewd moans brought him to his release shortly after you. He pushed inside you a few more times and didn’t pull out immediately. He stayed in the same position for a few more minutes, trying to catch his breath. He enjoyed your warmth too much for his liking.

“Don’t even try to ignore what happened yesterday and now, Y/N. I want this to happen regularly. And I know you want that, too,” he said. You nodded slowly, still unable to talk. He put you down, reached for your underwear and helped you put them on. He looked at you, foggy eyes, erratic breath and wrinkled clothes. You definitely looked like you just got fucked. He kissed the top of your head and push the emergency button. Elevator moved again. “Maybe you should cover your face with hair or something cause when someone sees you, they will know what just happened. Besides, I want to be the only one to have the privilege to see you like this.”

He smirked, pleased with the blush that appeared on your cheeks.

After what happened in the elevator, you had no chance to talk with B/N. You waited for him, still too shocked with what happened, but he was at the meeting for so long that Anna finally decided to drag you out of the company. You protested, telling her that you need to talk to him, but she wasn't listening.

That was why the next morning you were running from the parking lot with flushed cheeks, hoping that you would be faster than B/N at the office. You were more than excited to see him again. It was only few hours since you saw him last time but there was something thrilling about approaching meeting. The memories of his hands on your body, his lips on your forehead were as fresh as the morning sun, and they set your expectations for today high.

Every part of your body tingled with anticipation and excitation. No matter how much you wanted to calm yourself down, it was hard. Yes, there was a small voice at the back of your head, trying to convince you that this whole situation is bad and you shouldn't engage yourself into it after all but you were ready to ignore it. For now, at least.

There was still no solid reason for you to stop all of this. All of his words and touches were done unconsciously, he for sure didn't know what he was feeling, and as long as he didn't understand it, it was fine to go along with his... proposition. He seemed too naive to figure it out alone, and you had no intention to help him with that.

“Good morning Anna,” you sang, leaning on her desk. “Is B/N in his office?”

She looked at you with a soft smile. “Hey, no, he's not here yet.” She brought herself closer to you. “I didn't have a chance to ask you earlier. How it went with this guy?”

“What guy?” You squinted your eyes in confusion.

“Come on, the one from the bar.”

“Oh...” You scratched your neck, slightly uncomfortable. Memories of that night flooded your mind, and non of them included the guy she was referring to. You weren't even sure anymore how he looked. “Well, it didn't work out.”

Anna patted your hand placed on her desk. “Was it because of B/N? If yes, then I'm sorry. I told him...”

“Hey, chill,” you interrupted her. “I didn't say I've come back home alone.” You smirked at her.

“So?” You tilted your head in question. “Are you going to tell me more about it,” she asked with curiosity in her eyes.

“About what?” Anna jumped in her chair with a scream, and you turned your head rapidly, meeting B/N's gaze. He was standing so close that you felt his warmth on the side of your body and even hotter breath on your cheek. His eyes scanned your face, and slowly slid down to the low-cut of your dress. His hungry stare lingered there for a few seconds, making you grip the edge of Anna's desk harder, and then he turned to her. “What was so interesting that you didn't even notice me?”

Anna cleared her throat. “I- we...”

“Yes,” he insisted.

You leaned toward him, taking hold of yourself again. “What? Did that hurt your pride,” you asked playfully. He looked at you with squinted eyes and clenched jaw. If you saw him like this a few days ago, you would have said that he wanted to hit you. Now? Maybe he wanted it too but in completely different situation.

“Y/N.” His voice was laced with warning, and you were ready to push him even further. He tilted his head to the side, and then corner of his mouth twitched. He probably sensed what you were doing and it both excited and scared you. Were you really this easy to read? “To my office, now.”

Anna stood up. “Boss, we...”

“It's fine, I can take it,” you said with a shrug, following B/N. The moment she couldn't hear you, you added just for him, “I already did.”

As soon as you stepped into B/N's office and closed the door, he pinned you to them, trapping you between the cold surface and his hot body. His hands squeezed your hips painfully, making you flinch. He smirked, pleased with your reaction.

“Back to being cheeky?” He put his mouth on your neck and sucked harshly on sensitive skin. You bit on your lips, trying to suppress the moan.

“I don't know what you're talking about,” you gasped.

B/N backed away. “Okay then.” He moved to his chair and sat on it with a smirk plastered to his lips. “What is today's schedule?”

You looked at him with wide eyes. Your breath was uneven, and heart pounded furiously in your chest. Ghost of his touch still lingered on your body. You didn't understand what just happened. “I- why did you stop?”

“I don't know what you're talking about,” he mocked you.

With a groan, you approached him, put your hands on the armrests and lowered yourself a bit. “Don't fuck with me.”

“I thought you want me to,” he laughed.

Your jaw dropped in shock, and it wasn't just because of his words. He seemed a bit more... relaxed. Playful. You never saw him joking and that new side of him pulled you even harder to him. When you met him, it didn't cross your mind that he was capable of smiling, not to mention joking. And now he was smiling at you, in a sweet way almost, and it made your heart skip a beat once again. It was dangerous and scary, you knew it, but it was also nice, and you couldn't bring yourself to stop his little game yet.

Without thinking, you traced your fingers from his temple to the jaw. He watched you carefully with half-closed eyes. “Y/N?” You jerked your hand away, frightened by your own actions. You scolded yourself mentally for that moment of weakness. “Are you okay?”

His eyes scanned your face again. His brows were raised in question. He tried to look unmoved, but you knew he was concerned. Somehow, it was easier to read him now, as if he unconsciously decided to open up to you.

“Yeah, why wouldn't I?” You tried to step aside, scared of your emotions, but B/N pulled you closer. You lost your balance and landed on his knees. “Whoa, what?”

B/N moved his head closer to your neck, and placed a kiss on the spot he abused earlier. You hissed in pain. “I'm back to what I was doing.” His tongue slid over your skin, leaving wet trail in the process. He grabbed the hem of your dress, trying to pull it higher.

“Wait, are you serious?”

“You thought that I'm joking,” he asked without looking at you, too focused on leaving kisses all over your neck.

“No- well, maybe... hold on, we can't do it here.” You tried to stand up, but he held you in place, wrapping his arm around your waist.

“We can, and we will. I wanted to fuck you in my office from the first time I've seen you. The image of you bend over my desk haunted me for days, kitten. You're not going to run now.” His hand moved down under your dress, and he dragged one of his fingers on your clothed clit. You shuddered under his touch, leaning your head back on his shoulder. “You can't tell me you don't want it. Your actually wetter than I thought.”

“I've never said I don't want it,” you whined. “I simply don't want anyone to see us.”

His mouth was back at your neck, and he moved your undies to the side, sliding his fingers through your folds painfully slow. Your back arched, and shaky breath left your parted lips.

“Why do you care?”

“Can you shut u-,” loud moan cut you in the middle, when B/N pushed his fingers into you. You grabbed his forearm, not entirely sure for what reason. You wanted him to stop, but at the same time to go faster. He pumped his digits into you, curling them at the most perfect angle. You rolled your hips, earning a low groan from B/N. Just then you realized he was already hard and it hit you that he probably wanted it even before he entered the building.

You weren't sure how and when that happened but in one swift move he brought you to your feet, pushed you over his desk and leaned on your body. His hard dick brushed over your ass, and he hissed again. Your face was laying flat on the cold wood, cooling your feverish body a bit. You glanced around just in time to notice how B/N hastily undid his zipper and pulled out his reddened cock. He lifted his eyes and met your hungry gaze. With a smirk, he started sliding his hand up and down his length.

Although the view was mesmerizing, you wanted to feel him, to touch him, to have him inside you. And preferably, you wanted it as soon as possible. You turned to him, wrapped your fingers around his and tightened his grip. He took a sharp breath, leaning toward you.

“I want you, boss,” you purred in his ear.

His eyes snapped open. He wrapped his other arm around you and pulled you up, sitting you on the desk. He shook your hand off and stood between your legs eagerly. Your eyes didn't leave his, when he pushed your undies aside and slid in you. Your head flew backward, and long moan escaped your lips.

“Eyes on me,” he gritted through clenched teeth. His hand wrapped around your throat, squeezing it. Your breath got stuck in your lungs, and your vision got blurry. B/N groaned loudly. “Fuck, if only you could see yourself now, kitten.”

You gasped for air. You couldn't make any sound, you couldn't move, you were at his mercy, and it brought you even closer to the climax. The fact that he could do whatever he wanted with you made your head spin. With desire, but also with fear.

B/N loosened the grip on your throat and leaned closer. His lips were inches away from yours, when the door behind you flew open.

“B/N, do you rememb-,” Jiho said but cut himself as soon as he noticed the scene in front of his eyes. B/N looked at him angrily, not stopping his movements. You tried to free yourself, but he tightened his fingers on your neck once again, making you whine pathetically. Your whole face burned with embarrassment but you couldn't do anything. The burning feeling in your abdomen was dangerously close to spread through your body and you weakly patted B/N's hand to let him know. You didn't want to come while Jiho was watching.

B/N glanced at you, and without breaking eye-contact with you, he growled, “I'm busy now.”

“I can see.”

“Jiho, get the fuck out of here. Now.” It was hard for him to talk, his voice was strained and his moves became erratic. He was as close as you, and even though, he didn't care about Jiho seeing him in this state, he couldn't let his friend to see you like this.

You didn't hear Jiho's answer but as soon as the door clicked, your whole body trembled in ecstasy. Your vision darkened and you slapped B/N's hand a few times, scared that you could pass out. His arm fell on the desk, and he moaned a little too loud, reaching his high, too. He pressed his forehead on your shoulder, breathing hardly.

You dragged your fingers through his hair and yanked them hardly, lifting his head. “What was that, B/N,” you hissed.

“Hm,” he murmured dreamily.

“Why didn't you stop when Jiho...”

“There was no need.”

“No need?” You pushed him away, flinching at the loss of contact. “You fucking jerk.”

B/N grabbed the back of your neck, pulling you closer. You gasped, shocked. “Watch your mouth, kitten. Jiho is my friend. Besides, he saw me like this already.”

“But he didn't see me,” you mumbled. “Fuck.”

“Hey,” he lowered his gaze, “he saw nothing, only your back. I wouldn't let him enjoy this view.”

You took a deep breath. “It's embarrassing.”

B/N smiled sweetly and placed a kiss on your temple. “It's okay. Don't worry that pretty head of yours.” He dragged his fingers down your spine. “I would love to stay like this longer, but he's probably behind those damn door.”

“Yeah.” You took a step back and glanced at him. You bit your lips, trying to suppress the smile. “Maybe you should dress up first?”

B/N insisted that you should stay during his conversation with Jiho but you refused more times than it was necessary. He walked with you to the door, and before he opened them, he connected his lips with yours in a quick kiss. His hand slowly ran down your waist, smoothing your dress in the process.

“Prepare the documents for today's meeting. I will meet you at the conference room, okay?”

“Sure,” you said, and with rosy cheeks you left his office, averting Jiho's gaze.

B/N looked at his friend, annoyed. Without a word he moved back to his desk and sat on it with folded arms. Jiho followed him, smirk plastered to his mouth. He dropped down onto the chair, and nudged B/N's foot. “What?”

“I thought you wanted to ruin her life.”

“I still want to do it, man, but maybe... in a different way.”

Jiho laughed. “That's kinda funny, you know? You were all about how she's annoying, and she drives you crazy, and now you fuck her on your own desk. What's the difference now, huh?”

B/N stood up and turned to the big window. That was a good question. Something changed, and he still wasn't sure what exactly. “Honestly?”

“And how do you think?”

“I don't know,” he groaned. “It's just... yeah, she annoys me and stuff, but she pulls me to her in a weird way. And,” he brushed fingers through his hair, “fuck man, after I got a taste of her body, I can't forget about it. I dream about her, I want to touch her, wreck her... I just want her around me all the time. And I know what I've said earlier but... I'm not sure if this wasn't what I wanted from the beginning.”

Jiho was silent for some time but when he spoke up again, B/N froze in place. “Everything's cool but what about her past? She lied to us, and we still don't know why. Yes, she didn't do anything suspicious yet, but we can't be sure.”

“I do remember this,” he gritted through clenched teeth.

He felt like idiot because of this whole situation. Even though, he was aware that you were hiding something from him, he hired you. He knew, and yet he still wanted you around all the time. He tried to convince Jiho, and maybe even himself, that it was because he wanted to find out what were your motifs, but the truth was, he was simply interested in you. Even before the job interview, they found missing pieces in the background information you've provided them. There was something odd about it but no matter how hard they tried to look for any clue, they couldn't find anything other than what you've given them. It was almost like someone cleverly hid everything about you for some reason.

What made B/N even more anxious was the fact that he did and said a lot of terrible things to you, and you still stayed. He was sure that you had some hidden agenda in being his assistant, but he couldn't figure out what it could be.

And the fact that you were okay with every fucked up thing he did, scared the hell out of him. What have happened to you before you came to his company that you even were fine with Sheng's behavior?

“You remember, and yet you're falling for her,” Jiho said out of nowhere, interrupting his thoughts.

B/N turned rapidly. “Are you fucking kidding me? Me? Falling for someone?”

“That's how it looks to me, B/N, and it worries me. No matter what you think, I want you to find someone who will put up with your shit and will love you unconditionally, but I'm not sure if she's the best candidate.”

“I don't go in for love and relationships, Jiho. It's the same with her, I'm all in for her body and that's it,” he groaned annoyed, not sure if he himself believed that anymore.

“I hope you mean it.”

Silence fell over both of them and he winced. “What did you come here for in the first place,” he asked, trying to change the topic. In a very long time he didn't feel like this, judged and uncomfortable under someone's gaze, and he definitely didn't miss it. He wanted this feeling to pass as quickly as possible. Of course, he didn't blame Jiho for this, he was just worried about him and B/N appreciated it. But the thought of other people noticing some kind of change in him, irritated the hell out of him.

“Oh, yeah. I wanted to ask you if you remember that you're supposed to meet your family on Saturday.”

B/N groaned again. “No, I didn't but you just fucking reminded me of this.”

“You haven't seen them in a long time, man, you should go.”

“And I was perfectly okay with this,” he sighed, sitting in his chair.

It wasn't like he didn't like them... he hated them. Especially his stepmother and her fucked up son. They've made his life a living hell for so many years. There was no chance he would ever forgive them for what they did to him, for how their words and actions shaped him in to a person he was now. Even mention of them made him clenched his hands into fists.

“Then do it for your father.”

“I will think about it.”

After Jiho left his office, B/N had to force himself to do the same with all the strength he had in him. His head was full of thoughts, confusing him more than anything ever. Out of nowhere everything became complicated. And he was... scared. Scared that, in fact, something had changed. Scared that he couldn't understand why it happened exactly.

As soon as he left the elevator, he saw you and the guy he was having the meeting with, chatting casually. You were smiling and you looked like you enjoyed the conversation. Much to B/N's dissatisfaction. However hard he tried to remember, he never saw you so relaxed and comfortable around him. With him you always seemed careful and maybe even tensed, and the realization of this made him angrier than he already was.

“I must say, miss, that I'm kind of jealous of your boss.”

“And why is that,” you asked, laughing.

“Well, I hope you won't be mad at me for saying this, but I would love to have such a beauty as my assistant. It probably would make my day a lot better.”

You opened your mouth but before any sound left them, B/N put his hand on the small of your back, pressing it hardly into you. You turned your head, trying not to show any sign of pain on your face. B/N looked at you shortly with cold gaze and switched his attention to the man. “Oh it sure does make my day better, Kim.”

“You're pretty lucky. You know,” he said, glancing at you with a playful smile, “if you ever got tired of him, I would definitely find a place for you in my company.”

B/N pulled you closer to him. His jaw was clenched, and eyes deadly serious. He never liked Kim but at that moment he wanted to rip his head off. “Don't make me laugh. Even in your wildest dreams she won't spread her legs for you.”

You gasped shocked, jumping away from him. It seemed like you wanted to say something but eventually you stayed silent. They didn't even pay attention to you anymore.

“Are you sure about it?”

“You bet. Only I can have this pleasure,” B/N said with a smirk.

Kim glanced at you. “I stand by what I said, miss.”

“How about we talk on another day, Kim? If you stay here any longer, I don't know what I will do.”

“Like the old days, huh? Send me an email regarding new date.” He moved past B/N and stopped near you. “Remember what I said,” he winked at you with a smile.

B/N exhaled slowly, hanging his head low. Anger boiled inside him, making his heart speed. Why the fuck all the people around him wanted you for themselves? He finally found something... someone who made his days better and everyone wanted to steal you from him.

He raised his eyes, meeting your angry gaze.

You stormed in to the conference room, pulling confused B/N with you. You pushed him towards the wall, and with rage in your eyes you pointed the finger at the door. “What the fuck did you do just now? Is today a day to embarrass me or are you just stupid?”

“Y/N,” he warned, taking step forward.

“No, shut up.” You massaged your temple, trying to gather your thoughts. You weren't even that mad about what he said, or even what he did earlier in his office. The fact that he was clearly jealous made your blood boiled. It wasn't supposed to be like that. You thought that the chance of him seriously falling for you was small, but with each action he proved you wrong. He was already too deep with his feelings. And that was dangerous. “Why did you do it?”

“What exactly?”

“Don't play dumb, B/N. You were marking your territory as if we were in a relationship. News flesh, we are not, and don't forget that.”

He gritted his teeth. “I know this.”

“So why are you so jealous,” you shouted. “You did the same at the club. I'm not your damn property, we are just fucking, nothing more.” You ran your hand through hair annoyed to the core. You wanted him to get closer to you, to open up but not exactly this way, you didn't want him to fall in love with you. Not when you knew how it all would end. Sooner or later you would disappear from his life and you both would be left hurt if those feelings got any stronger.

“I'm not jealous, Y/N, I just don't like to share.”

You took a better look at him, he was extremely tensed, and his hands were clenched into fists. Even if he wanted to hide it, you saw how they tremble lightly, and you weren't sure if it was because he was this angry or if he was confused and overwhelmed with his own emotions. Either way there was no point in talking to him any longer. You were certain that he would try to calm you down or say something sweet that would melt your stupid heart, and you couldn't let that happen.

You sighed deeply. “Sure. You know what? Let's keep it professional for some time because it looks like too much sex gets you all confused.”

“Are you serious,” he asked, blinking in shock.

“Dead serious, boss,” you said, and hastily left the room, not giving him a chance to change your mind.

Ignoring B/N and focusing only on your work as his assistant wasn't an easy thing to do from the very beginning, and now... it was even harder. You tried to be as professional as possible, only do what was required from you, but B/N constantly reminded you of the uncertain status of your relationship. He was looking at you, and only you, whenever you were around, his hands reached for you even if it was just for the smallest touch, and he couldn't stop talking about how much you and this situation annoyed him. He reminded you at least once an hour how badly he wanted to go back to your deal.

You tried your hardest to resist him. It was both irritating and saddening. As much as you wanted to go back to how your relationship looked before, it wasn't possible. Deep down, even if you didn't want to admit it, you knew that you both were already too deep into each other and there was no really turning back now. You wished that you could stop it from developing even more but you weren't sure if it was still possible.

Dread was looming over you all the time. There was definitely no happy ending to it, you felt it in your bones.

As soon as you entered the office after the weekend, you knew, you just knew, that something would happen. The atmosphere was heavier than usual, even Anna seemed to be more uncomfortable than you've ever seen her. You sat on your chair and glanced at her suspiciously. She ignored you, too focused on the files in front of her.

“Anna,” you spoke up confused.

She glanced at you, surprised. “Oh, Y/N, hey. I didn't see you.”

“Yeah, I know. Something happened?”

“I'm sure it did,” she sighed, leaning in her chair. “You definitely noticed that B/N is acting... strangely for a few days now. Fuck, it's not possible not to notice, you'd have to be blind not to see it. But today... I- I'm kind of worried about him. He came into the company, looking so fucking depressed, he didn't want anything from me, said basically nothing beside cancel my meeting today and locked himself in his office. He seems so down, I've never seen him like this, it's not like him at all.”

You looked at the door to B/N's office sadly.

It wasn't suppose to happen. None of it. You thought that after so much time, you would be out of this place already. You were sure you would leave this whole mess behind you, without regrets and, most importantly, without such strong feelings towards B/N. You had no plan to fall in love with him, and you were definitely on such track. Hatred was the only thing you were supposed to feel. And it should have been the same for him.

“Y/N, can you... you know, talk to him,” Anna asked with hope in her voice.

“I don't think it's a good idea.”

“Just try. You're closer to him than any other person in this company.” You opened your mouth to protest but Anna shushed you. “If not for him, then do it for me. I can't take this anymore.”

You took a deep breath. If only it was as easy as you think.

“Please, Y/N,” she begged.

“Fuck... okay, I can try but I can't guarantee anything,” you said, standing up. With heavy heart and trembling hands you approached his office. You knocked on the door but you didn't hear any answer. Hesitantly, you came inside and frozen instantly. Papers were scattered all around the room and among them, on the floor, B/N was sitting with head hidden in his hands. You came closer to him and knelt. “Hey, B/N, are you okay?”

He raised his head slowly and looked at you with sad eyes. Dark circles on his face were bigger than you've ever saw on him, his clothes were wrinkled and it looked like he didn't shave for, at least, three days. It wasn't like him. He seemed fragile and broken, and that hurt you more than anything. “What are you doing to me, Y/N,” he said weakly.

You sat across him and took a deep breath. “I'm not doing anything to you. It's all in your head.”

“Sure,” he laughed. “I knew you would say something like this. What else could I expect from you, huh?”

“What?”

“Come on, I'm sure you feel the same as me, but for some fucking reason you deny it all the time.”

You rolled your eyes annoyed. “Like you? That means what exactly?”

“I don't know, I can't describe it, but I'm sure that there is something. Something that pulls me closer to you. Something that I can't resist.” He extended his hand, trying to reach you but you moved back. He laughed again. “See?”

Your heart was racing furiously. He was right. He was so damn right, but you couldn't tell him this. You weren't doing this just for your peace of mind but also for him. You didn't want him to suffer later on. Actually, that was the last thing you wanted. “B/N, it's all...”

“In my head, right,” he interrupted you. “Quit the bullshit already. We both know you're trying to convince yourself, not me.”

You stood up abruptly. Your hands were trembling in frustration. “B/N... for fuck's sake, get your shit together. I don't need to convince myself because I know that the only thing between us is sex. Nothing more. You should finally see this too, you're only making yourself look more pathetic.”

“So it's my fault now,” he hissed, getting on his feet, too.

“After all, it was you who proposed this deal.”

“Yeah, right. But you eagerly agreed to it. Oh, and don't forget that you begged me to fuck you that night when we left the club.”

“I was fucking drunk and horny,” you yelled. “It didn't matter. Should I remind you that I was ready to sleep with someone else? No, wait, it won't fit in your narrative, right?”

You could have sworn that you saw like all his strength left his body. He leaned against his desk, turning his head the other way. “Why are you doing this,” he asked quietly. Cold hand of pain squeezed your heart painfully. Seeing him like this was hard, and you were sure that any more minute spent there would end up in your defeat.

“B/N, listen to yourself. Stop overthinking it and just listen to what you're saying,” you sighed, turned around without second glance at him and left his office before tears rolled down your cheeks.

He watched as you were leaving his office and, as much as he wanted to go after you, he stopped himself. His head was spinning with too many thoughts. Was he wrong about your relationship? Did you really feel nothing? That's how it looked like. That was the only logical answer to your coldness during this conversation that he could come up with. You seemed not affected at all by this situation, you were still as beautiful and lively as always.

And he was the opposite. For the past few days he couldn't sleep, eat, and there was no room in his head for caring about his looks. He just didn't care. The only thing that he was constantly thinking about was you, and only you.

There was no point in denying it anymore, he fell for you. He was terrified by that thought but that was the truth. For the first time in his life he finally felt alive, even if that lasted only two days. There was something in you that made him feel things he didn't know he could experience. He always thought that love wasn't for him, after all even his family wasn't capable of loving him. He never experienced it, or simply didn't remember. But that wasn't the point.

The point was that he didn't know that he was able to love anyone.

And now that he miraculously found someone who woke up those feelings in him, he was left alone with all of this. Left in fear and confusion.

You leaned against the door with closed eyes and heavy breath. It was too late to save him from pain now. It was okay for you, you got used to feeling broken and alone but the thought of him feeling the same hurt you more than anything. You really tried to prevent this but B/N was probably in love with you long before he'd proposed that deal. And now there was nothing you could do. You could avoid him, ignore him, tell him every awful thing you could come up with, but there was no use in doing this.

There was only one thing you could do but you didn't have the strength to do it yet. Leaving him, leaving all this mess behind you, was probably the best thing you could do, but you wanted to be selfish for once. You wanted to spend some more time with him, even if that meant just looking at him from afar. Even if that meant that you would need to disappear from, not only his life, but lives of other people around you... Markus, Anna, and especially Kyo.

Just few more days and you would leave. As far as possible.

You wiped the tears from your face and approached Anna. She looked up at you and when she noticed your reddened eyes, she sighed. “It didn't work out?”

“No. I would even say that I made it worse.”

“Oh fuck. What happened to him?”

“I- I don't know.” You glanced at the door to his office with guilt. You knew all to well what happened, after all it was your fault.

Before you had a chance to turn around, the door opened and B/N came out of the room. He looked even worse than just a few minutes before. He seemed smaller... weaker. It was as if all the hope he had in him before your conversation was gone now. Your heart stopped at the sight and the only thing you wanted was to take him in your embrace and tell him that it would be alright. But that would be a lie, and you didn't want to deceive him even more.

He looked at you sadly and passed by you without a word. Anxious, you grabbed his arm, making him turn around. His eyes landed on your hand tightly wrapped around his and you could see on his face how hard it was for him to not react.

“Where are you going,” you asked.

“Home, or bar, I don't know. I can't be here any longer.”

“Boss,” Anna started. “Is everything all right? Are you okay?”

B/N laughed sadly. “Do I look like I'm okay? Shit, I'm far from being okay.”

“Can we talk once more,” you proposed, ready to give in. You couldn't look at him in this state anymore. It was too hard.

“No, we can't. There's nothing to talk about, Y/N.”

You tried to stop him, you really did, but he yanked his arm away and disappeared in the elevator, leaving you with heart shattered into pieces.

You felt like this once, and you prayed to all gods that you would not feel it ever again. It was too similar to what you experienced in your childhood, being left alone with no hope, no positive emotions. The only thing existing in your broken heart was sadness and loneliness. Fuck, maybe what you felt right now was even worse. Back then, there was no guilt in you, but now it filled every part of your body in the most painful way.

You called B/N many times during that day, but he never picked up. At some point he finally turned his phone off, leaving you without any way to track him. You were more than worried. Seeing how badly he was dealing with this, you feared that he would do something stupid. And you couldn't stop thinking about what would happen later... when you leave. If he was so depressed with you still around him, how would he react to the situation where he couldn't see you anymore?

When you finally left the company and got to your apartment, you couldn't deal with your thoughts and emotions any longer. Rain that was falling on you heavily, was mixing with your bitter tears, and making you even colder than you were.

You got on your floor and frozen immediately. Your breath got stuck in your throat and the bag you held in your hand fell on the floor. “B/N?”

He looked at you with slightly reddened eyes and leant against the door more. “Hey.” His voice was hoarse and filled with so much pain that you couldn't bear it.

“What are you doing here?”

He sighed deeply. “You know, I wanted to drink, to get wasted until I lost consciousness but I had no strength to deal with people. I never really had, but... it's harder today. Every time I got caught in my thoughts, I saw your face, I could fucking smell your fragrance. So I came here. I don't even know how it happened,” he laughed. “I was thinking about you and suddenly I was here. That's fucked up, right?”

You came closer to him, and just then you noticed how much he trembled. His clothes were wet, sticking to every part of his body. “You shouldn't be here.”

“Yeah, I know but I couldn't help myself. I can't deal with this anymore. Is it so wrong that I want you close? Is it, Y/N?”

You extended your hand and slowly brushed through his wet hair. He closed his eyes, leaning in your touch. You were weak, maybe weaker than him actually. Of course, there was a part of you that wanted to push him away from you but it was small. Definitely too small, taking into consideration what you were going to do.

“B/N, get up.”

“I don't want to leave. Don't make me, please,” he begged. He grabbed your hand in his and squeezed it harder than necessary.

“I want you to move out of the way, so we can go into my apartment.”

In no time he was on his feet, standing so close to you that you could feel how his chest was raising and falling with each breath. “You really mean it?”

“Yeah, I do. I can't look at you in this state,” you said, opening the door for both of you. You got inside and headed straight to the bathroom to get two towels. When you came back, B/N was standing in your living room, looking strangely at every empty shelve. You threw one of the towels at him. “Here, dry yourself a bit. I'm gonna look for something for you to wear. Even though it's going to be hard.”

You didn't even notice that he followed you to your bedroom. Only when you turned around with pair of too big sweatpants in hands, you saw him. He was standing at the entrance with hope in his eyes, making your insides burnt.

“Why can't you look at me,” he asked.

“What?”

“You said you can't look at me in this state, why?”

You handed him the pants. “Change into this, and we will talk, okay?” He nodded but didn't move. “B/N, really. You will get sick if you stay in those wet clothes. I promise you, we will talk.”

He smiled. “You don't have any shirt for me, do you?”

“Not really, I will give a blanket or some shit, sorry.” You quickly grabbed something for you to change into and headed to the bathroom, leaving B/N in your room.

You weren't sure what you were doing, your only plan was to invite him to your house and let him warm up a bit. The rest was up to the fate, whatever was about to happen... you were ready to take it. You were scared, yes, but there was no return now.

“Are you okay with black tea,” you yelled, taking two cups from the shelf.

“Yeah,” he answered, and you almost dropped the cups, startled by the proximity of B/N's voice. You turned your head and saw him standing by the table with only sweatpants on. Your heart skipped a beat when you saw his beautiful body again. He was still as perfect as you remembered him. Your cheeks started to burn, so you moved back to your previous position, trying to hide it.

“There's... um- there's a blanket on the sofa. And... well, you can stay there, I will join you in a few minutes.” There was something about that situation that made you weirdly embarrassed. You saw B/N naked already, not only without a shirt, he was at your house before, and yet you were feeling more nervous than ever. Was it because now you were aware of the feelings between the two of you?

With cups in trembling hands you came to the livingroom and sat next to B/N on the sofa. He was wrapped tightly in the blanket, and as soon as you put the cups down, he grabbed one and took small sip of the tea. “Thanks.”

It was awkward. The silence that surrounded you, was suffocating you, but you didn't know what to say. You weren't sure were to start that conversation, but on the other hand, you couldn't sit like this any longer. You were more than uncomfortable.

“So,” B/N started finally. “Can you answer my previous question?”

You glanced at him, gnawing on your bottom lip. “I... well, you looked terribly, and you had wet clothes on. You know, I didn't want you to get sick.”

“That's all?”

“And what else did you expect?”

B/N put his cup down and turned in his place so that he was facing you. His knee was touching your thigh, spreading heat all over your skin. “Can we be... honest with each other, Y/N?”

You tightened your fingers around the mug. Honest? I wish I could be honest. “But that's what I felt like. I was just worried you would get sick.”

“So you were worried about me,” he said, smiling softly.

“That's what you wanted to hear?”

“Yeah.”

It was so weird to see him so relaxed and happy. He acted as if he was completely different person now. It was a nice change, you couldn't deny it, but it would probably be better for both of you, if he was still the same cold man from before.

“Do you...,” he mumbled, looking at your hands, “do you really believe in what you said to me at my office? You know, do you think that what I feel is just my imagination?”

You sighed. “I don't know. I- I'm too confused with all of this. For a long time you acted as if you hated me, and suddenly... suddenly, you started to be nicer and stuff. I didn't expect you to be like this, I didn't expect any change. I heard that you have no feelings... no heart even, that you don't care about people, so your behavior now messes with my head.”

“It's not like you're the only one who's confused. I don't really understand my emotions. I've never felt like this. You know, worrying about someone, wanting to be close to them... it's new to me and I'm not sure what does it mean.”

You glanced at him, he was averting your gaze, too focused on his own hands. He did look extremely disoriented and bothered by this whole situation. He was acting like a small child, learning about new emotions, and trying to understand them. You wanted to tell him what it meant but... there was still part of you that was too terrified of what would come after this. It was better that he didn't realize he was in love with you. Maybe he would never figure this out and when you finally leave, he would forget about you.

But you didn't have the strength to end it yet. For now, even if it was just for few more days, you wanted him around... you wanted to feel loved for the first time in your life.

You placed your hand on his neck and leant towards him. His eyes scanned your face in confusion. “I'm not sure about any of this, B/N, but I can't push you away anymore. You were so depressed for the past few days that I couldn't even look at you. I don't want that.”

He locked his eyes with yours for a second, and then he kissed you.

You wrapped your arms around B/N's neck automatically. You missed him, you missed the touch and warmth of his body on you. It was something you definitely craved more than anything else. His hands squeezed your hips lightly, and he pulled you closer, sitting you on his lap. Your bodies were pressed together, and the only thing separating you from his skin was your thin t-shirt. You wanted to get rid of it, to finally feel him properly.

You moved back a bit, breathing heavily. Your hands were shaking when you grabbed your shirt and took it off. Just as quickly you removed your bra and clung to B/N, throwing your hands around his neck again. Feeling of his hot skin on yours was probably one of the best feelings you've ever experienced. It made your whole body tingle in a really wonderful way, and you were sure you would miss it later on.

B/N's hand slid over your back in a gentle way, and his fingers got tangled in your hair. He pulled you closer and kissed your forehead. “You're so damn beautiful.” Your eyes widened at his words and you tried to hide your face in the crook of his neck, too embarrassed and scared, but he kept you in place. “Nuh-uh, I want to see your face, kitten. I really missed this view.”

“You saw me every day,” you mumbled.

“Yeah, but not like this,” he said with a smile and kissed you. His lips weren't as persistent as usually. Hell, he was so gentle that it shocked you to the core. His touch was light as a feather, almost as if he was scared he could have hurt you.

His hands traveled down your waist, landing on your hips. He massaged the skin just above where your sweatpants ended, making you shiver in his arms. His mouth left yours, and he put them on your neck, leaving delicate kisses all over it. He wasn't rushing anything. It seemed like he wanted to savor every second of it, to extend it as much as possible.

It felt amazing, yes, but you were too impatient. You missed him more than you've expected. You rolled your hips against him, gaining a low moan from him. His head dropped down on your shoulder and his breath got uneven. He tried to stop you but he didn't have enough strength to do it. He only squeezed your hips tighter and enjoyed your movements. When the hardness of his dick got more prominent, you couldn't take it any longer. You stood up, confusing B/N.

“What...” he started but shut up when you took your pants off. His eyes darkened and he licked his lips. You came back at your previous spot and rolled your hips again. This time moan left your lips.

You wanted him, you wanted him more than ever. Your hand reached into his pants and wrapped around his length, giving it a few slow strokes and collecting precum from its tip. B/N's head flew back in ecstasy. His moans were the only thing you could hear, and you loved it. You loved every little sound that was leaving his lips. You pulled his dick out of the pants and then slowly licked your fingers, looking directly into B/N's eyes. He hardly swallowed at the sight.

You put your lips on his ear, moving your whole body closer to his. His length brushed over your core and you shuddered. “B/N,” you whispered, dragging your tongue on his earlobe, “can you fuck me already?”

He looked at you. His eyes were filled with hunger and something else, something you couldn't really name. He wrapped his arm around your waist and lifted you a bit. “I'm not gonna fuck you this time, kitten.”

“You...” you began, but he lowered you on his dick, shutting you up. Your head hit his chest and your fingers tighten around his bicep. Your mind went blank automatically, the only thing you could have focus on was the feeling of him inside you. That heavenly feeling of his closeness you missed so much.

But there was something different now. It all felt differently. B/N's thrusts were slow and careful, his hand stroked your hair softly, and his lips were pressed to the side of your head. There was no sign of his previous roughness. This time he was handling your body with affection, care and... love. No one ever touched you like this, no one ever was as gentle as him. It felt new, breathtakingly even, filling your heart with emotions so strong that it almost hurt.

You raised your head and locked your eyes with his. He was looking at you as if you were the prettiest woman on the planet, as if you were the only one he ever wanted. Unable to handle all of this, you kissed him.

B/N pushed the hair out of your face, and traced his fingers on your temple. You looked so peacefully like this, your lips were parted lightly and eyelashes cast a delicate shadow on your cheeks. It was the first time he saw you deep in sleep this close, and he loved it. He didn't mind seeing you like this often. Hell, he wished he could do it every day.

He lowered himself and kissed your forehead carefully. “Stay with me, Y/N.”

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