#i just feel like fucking shit. my anxiety hasn’t felt this bad in so long

[forlix]

i don’t know what the fuck to think or feel. heart feeling so heavy

#think i was clinging to the idea that the boys didn’t know or care about him personally and i still don’t want to think that’s the case but #if we’re being realistic they know. they have to know #and everyone in the comments preaching about how bin doesn’t know anything about p*th outside of music has to be new levels of delusional #they’re idols yeah. they’re also humans with access to the internet and we know damn well they read everything we say to them #chris is on fucking skz tiktok like. wake up #it’s like 50% the fact that it was posted in the first place that’s getting to me and 50% the ignorance and babying in the comments #i just feel like fucking shit. my anxiety hasn’t felt this bad in so long #*musings #don’t even think i’m capable of being impartial or coherent rn i just needed to get this off my chest somewhere #like it’s one thing to collab with him on a professional basis and another to post a selfie like you’re friends #wish this song didn’t exist to be so real

[stephstars08]

Anxiety With a Happy Ending

Zach Turner x Reader

Warnings: Anxiety, Adult Language, Jealousy, Mention of Vehicle Crash, Mention of Daddy Issues, Mention of Stealing Alcohol, Angst but with Fluff at the end, and Maybe Some Grammar Errors.

Description: Y/N has been trying to get in contact with her Best Friend who she secretly has feelings for all day but has gotten nothing. But, once she hears about what happened that morning her Anxiety takes over her entire body.

Word Count: 1,763

Author’s Note: Hello Everyone! My first Zach Turner one shot is finally here and I apologize if it’s a little short! I kinda lost inspiration towards the end. Sorry about the description being short too! I’m bad at writing descriptions because I’m scared I’m going to spoil too much.

Y/N was sitting in her last period of the day. As her teacher rambled on about a topic, she didn’t give a shit about she kept glancing down at her phone that was sitting right beside her textbook. Early this morning she had been texting her best friend Zach. She was trying her best to talk him out of cutting school with the bad girl of the school who is also a year older and one grade level up than them. Ever since he met the girl, he’s been acting out. Not that Y/N is surprised by him acting out because she knows he’s just trying to get his father’s attention, but she doesn’t want him to get into big trouble with not just his parents but with the school as well.

However, ever since she arrived at school, she hasn’t heard from him. The last text she received from him said that he got busted, so he will be at school, but she hasn’t seen him at all. They have about every class together and he hasn’t shown up to one of them.

Y/N has been trying her best to not worry, but every time she glances at her phone her nerves begin to pace. She glanced over to her left at the empty desk and chair where Zach sits. She felt her anxiety rising, so she took a deep breath to calm her nerves down.

She saw her phone light up, so she quickly picked up her phone. She was hoping it was a text from Zach, but it wasn’t. The number was unknown, but in the text, it read that it was from Mila, the girl Zach has been hanging out with. Mila told her to meet her outside of the school because she needs to talk with her which confused Y/N. How did Mila get her phone number and why does she want her to meet her at the front of the school. Y/N really didn’t want to meet up with Mila since she wants nothing to do with that bad influence, but then again, Mila might know where Zach is or have heard from him. She quickly sent Mila a text back letting her know that she will be there.

After Y/N hit the send button the bell rung signaling that the long school day was finally over. Y/N put her phone in the pocket of her sweatshirt and started to pack her stuff back into her book bag. She stood up from her chair grabbing her book bag off the floor and wrapped the straps over her shoulders. She walked out of the classroom and into the busy hallway.

Y/N decided to stop by her locker before she met up with Mila. She quickly opened her locker and put some of the books that were in her book bag into her locker since she didn’t need to take them home with her. After she was done, she closed her locker and zipped her book bag back up. Again, Y/N had to squeeze her way through the busy hallway to get to the front doors of the school. “Got to fucking love high school.” Y/N mumbled to herself with a roll of her eyes as she squeezed by people.

When she finally walked outside, she felt like she could finally breathe fresh air. She looked around till her eyes spotted Mila on the side street leaning on her motor bike. As Y/N walked closer to Mila she noticed the front over her bike was all banged up. “What the fuck took you so long?” Mila asked her in a nasty tone in her voice. “Oh, I’m sorry. Are you in a rush to go steal alcohol from the liquor store?” Y/N shot back which made Mila let out a harsh laugh. “I love how you think you know me.” Mila said as she folded her arms over her chest. “Are you in a bitchy mood because you crashed your bike into something?” Y/N asked in an annoyed tone. “I crashed my bike into the back of Zach’s dad’s car.” Mila told her which made Y/N’s heart rate speed up.

“So, you have seen Zach today.” Y/N said still annoyed. Did Zach lie to her saying he was really coming to school when in reality he wasn’t. “Yeah, for like a fucking minuet.” Mila told her crossing off Y/N’s theory. “What? What happened?” Y/N asked now confused, but her anxiety rising again. “I was just riding my bike down the street behind them when his dad just randomly slammed on his breaks making me crash into the back of his car.” Mila said explaining what happened this morning in annoyance in her voice. “Was everyone alright?” Y/N asked as her anxiety was taking over her body. “I don’t know. His dad just sped away.” Mila said with a shrug.

“That’s why I wanted you to meet up with me. I haven’t seen or spoken to Zach since that happened.” Mila added as she stood up straight. “No, I haven’t spoken to him since this morning, and I haven’t seen him.” Y/N answered her questions. “Great.” Mila said with a heavy sigh. “I have to walk past Zach’s house to get to mine, so I’ll see if he’s home.” Y/N told her trying to hide the worry that was rising in her veins. “Okay, can you text me an update.” Mila asked her.

Y/N did see some worry in Mila’s eyes which made her jealous. Is Y/N jealous of the type of person Mila is? Fuck no! Is she jealous of all the attention Zach has been giving Mila? Fuck yes! But is this the time to be petty towards Mila? No, that can wait. “Yeah.” Y/N answered with a nod and started her way down the sidewalk.

Y/N was able to keep her nerves on the down low all day till what Mila just told her. There’s no way that she can keep her anxiety levels down now. All she kept thinking about was Zach and if he is alright. She doesn’t know what she would do if something happened to him. Y/N hasn’t told anyone this, but she’s started to develop feelings for her brunette-haired best friend. That’s why she gets jealous when Zach spends most of his time with Mila.

When Y/N got to Zach’s house she felt her heart drop. There was nothing but police cars around the house and two officers were blocking the front door. “What the fuck is going on?” Y/N whispered to herself. She quickly ran down the sidewalk to her house that was just down the street. She ran up to her front door and unlocked the door. When she walked inside her house, she dropped her book bag down to the floor and pulled out her phone to call Zach. She really needed to talk to him and know what the fuck is going on. When Y/N put her phone to her ear the call went straight to his voicemail. “No, no, no.” Y/N said in complete panic taking her phone away from her ear. Before she could redial someone called her. It was Zach’s mom, so she quickly answered the call.

“Hello?” Y/N said after putting the phone up against her ear. “Y/N.” She heard Zach’s voice on the other line which made her heart rate skip a beat. “Zach! I’m so relieved to hear your voice.” Y/N said into the phone. “Come to the hospital.” She heard him say in a serious tone. “Zach, what’s going on?” Y/N said as her relief quickly melted away. “I’ll tell you when you get here.” She heard him tell her. Before she could say anything else he hung up. Y/N let out a heavy sigh as she called for a cab to take her to the hospital since her mom wasn’t going to be home from work till after five.

As Y/N waited for the cab outside her house she sent a text to her mom letting her know what’s going on. After she hit the send button the cab showed up. When she got into the back of the cab, she told the driver where to take her. During the car ride Y/N did all she could do to keep her nerves down, but she couldn’t. As she stared out the window all she kept thinking about was her phone call with Zach. She was finally so relieved to hear from him, but the way he was talking quickly drained that feeling out of her.

Y/N was so deep in her thoughts that she didn’t realize that the cab has arrived at the hospital. After she thanked and paid the driver she got out of the cab.

She took a deep breath and walked into the front doors of the emergency room of the hospital. Her eyes scanned the room till they finally landed on Zach who was sitting in the corner of the room by himself. “Zach!” Y/N called out to him as she quickly walked over to him. When he looked up, she noticed scratches on his face which made her heart ache. Zach stood up and gave her a big hug which she returned right away. “I’m so happy to see you.” Zach told her as he held her as close to him as he could. “Same here.” Y/N told him.

“Before I catch you up on what happened I need to tell you something really important.” Zach said pulling away, so he was looking at her, but he still had his arms around her. “What is it?” Y/N asked him as she stared into his brown eyes. Zach didn’t say anything. Instead, he connected his lips with hers which took her by surprise. She still returned the kiss, but she was still in shock that she was kissing her best friend. When they pulled away from each other’s lips they rested their foreheads against one another’s.

“After the scary and fucked up day I just had, I knew the first thing I had to do was tell you that I have feelings for you.” Zach told her taking both of her hands in his’s. “Well, I’m happy I get to tell you that I have feelings for you, too.” Y/N told him smiling for the first time today.

Zach smiled as again he leaned in and connected his lips with Y/N’s again both so happy to finally be with each other after a day that was filled with nothing but anxiety.

#zach turner #Zach Turner x reader #Zach Turner imagine #Zach Turner x you #Zach Turner one shot #Zach Turner x y/n #zach turner retribution #retribution #Zach Turner x fem!reader #jack champion #jack champion imagine #jack champion retribution #jack champion x reader #jack champion oneshot #Jack champion x you #jack champion x y/n #jack champion x fem reader #Jack champion Zach Turner #retribution Zach Turner #retribution Jack champion #jack champion angst #Jack champion fluff #Zach turner angst #Zach Turner fluff

[berylcups]

Pervert Alert! Perv! Illuso x Reader

CW: Slight body shame, food fetish, disordered eating, creepy behavior, pervert behavior, masturbation, slight degradation, toys, alcohol, drugs, porn, somnophilia, MINORS DNI

Notes: FINALLY!!! It’s done 😩 it sure took FOREVER! I hope everyone likes this one . I took a lot of time on it. It’s not perfect but I did my best and that’s all I can really ask for right? Please enjoy and I apologize for the very long wait! IRL work and IRL obligations had my hands full for a bit! I finally added in some sorbet and gelato too, I hope they don’t seem like 🌈gay stereotypes 🌈 since I’m trying to develop their personalities out still. All I know is Gel is slightly fem but very unstable! Sorbet…he’s a wildcard atm. Well enough rambling! Please enjoy my drabbles!

💜Beryl

Everyone is treated equally in the hitman team at least that’s what Risotto does. Yet he did warn you due to your appearance you may be subjected to some unwanted attention and that you need to be prepared to handle it. If it got too out of hand you could always come to him to get it straightened out but you were too stubborn to ask for help and…too shy.

Let’s address the elephant in the room, out of all of the 10 people, you were the only one who had a massive chest, curves, and some chubbiness. So due to the fact, you were self conscious.

You never liked eating in front of the men, but when the entire group was together Risotto wanted everyone around to share meals with. The comradery amongst the men was strong.

You just sat there at the table picking at your salad. You were avoiding your favorite bits- the cheese and the croutons and scooting them to the side of your plate with your fork.

“Y/N. Why are you picking at your food like that?” Prosciutto asked but it sounded more like a demand.

“Oh uh… I’m just not that hungry. “ you lied. You were self conscious about your weight as you gained another pound.

“Another diet???” Formaggio butted in. “You take the media way too seriously. Nobody here gives a shit how much you eat. Eating that rabbit food though… that ain’t gonna fill you up at all.” He pointed with his fork at your salad grimacing at the excessive greenery.

“For people who don’t seem to care, you guys are paying an awful lot of attention to what I’m eating…” you grumbled while stabbing at your food.

“You can’t avoid eating all carbs and fat or else you’ll become emaciated. It’s all important in a diet as long as it’s done within reason. Now eat some gnocchi.” Prosciutto said while putting a small portion on your plate.

“Eating instant noodles and fast food in your room is what the real issue is. You need real homemade nutritious food. You’re lucky my nonna is not still alive or else she’d strap you to the chair until you ate at least thirds or fourths.” He gently chastised.

“Ugh fine… geez.” You sighed as you took a forkful of gnocchi into your mouth. For some reason you still felt self conscious…like you were being watched.

For dinner it was a little quieter tonight. Normally there’s usually 1 or 2 arguments going on at once but the usual aggressor is awfully quiet. Illuso hasn’t said a word at all tonight. He was eating quietly for once in his life but he was watching you intently. You two locked eyes and he just smirks. You quickly averted your gaze, he’s pretty unpleasant most of the time and he’s making you uncomfortable. He whispered something to Formaggio and he chuckled.

“That’s just dirty man.” He said, sneaking a look over at you.

“I’m done.” You pushed your plate to the side feeling the anxiety in your gut taking away the rest of your appetite.

“You better have room for my strawberry cake!” Gelato chirped.

“He didn’t slave over a hot oven for nothing and I know it’s your favorite!” Sorbet added.

“For fuck sakes guys… stop making me fatter.” You sighed.

“Oh hush. Quit acting like being chubby is a bad thing.” Gelato brushed off your complaint and cut you a slice.

“But you know for AFABs it’s hard to —“ you whined.

“Uh uh uh~” he cut you off by waving the cake knife at you threateningly.

“Ok ok! Jesus! You’re right! Just put the knife down please!” You panicked.

You knew better than to argue further with the most mentally unstable couple in the group and took the piece. You took a good forkful of cake and it basically melted in your mouth.

“Oh my god.” You moaned. “This tastes even better than last time. What did you do?” You eagerly asked, you completely forgot about why you were so self conscious in the first place.

“A shit ton of butter.” Gelato says proudly. “Everything's better when you put extra butter in it.”

Illuso was getting a good show tonight. Watching you lick the whipped cream off your lips was making him hard. Thank god he wore plush baggy clothing or else it would give his arousal away. He loved seeing you pick the strawberry off the top of the piece of cake and let your soft lips wrap around the plump juicy berry as you bit into it. He really wanted to feed you himself and feel you lick the juices and cream off of his fingers. You had no clue that he wanted to blow your back out, you just assumed he was being his usual dickish self.

———————————————————————

It was about 3 am and all was quiet in the base.

You usually stay up at night working on the computer researching targets for clues. Tonight though you had some free time to play some Nintendo 64. You reached for your soda can to take a sip but empty… and your stomach? It was growling for its midnight snack.

Sigh…you hated leaving the safety of your room. You never knew who you would bump into. Everyone had weird hours when they were awake asleep or just out and about. But you needed to obey your nagging belly. You really should have eaten more at dinner.

You silently as possible walked down the creaky wooden steps to the kitchen to see a figure bent down being illuminated by the fridge light. Great… you weren’t alone. You tried to turn around to go back upstairs until you heard a familiar unpleasant voice.

“Where do you think you are going, Y/N?” It was Illuso. You could hear the smugness in his voice.

“ You clearly came down here for something so come over and get it.”

You just knew that he wanted to tease you and make you feel uncomfortable like he always does. You swallowed out of nerves and walked towards the fridge as he stepped aside.

“Oh… it’s time for your midnight snack isn’t it?” He chuckled.

“Gelato knew that you had a big sweet tooth so he saved you an extra piece of cake that has your name on it . It’s alllll the way back in the fridge though if you want to get it.”

“Oh… uh, thanks. That’s exactly what I’m in the mood for.” You said shyly.

You bent over and took a long look to find your piece of cake amongst all the clutter in the fridge. There was half eaten leftovers, a milk jug, condiments, lots of beer, and rotten old food that needed to be thrown out. While you were looking you felt something hard press up against your ass.

“Illuso… some personal space would be nice.” You said trying to not get irritated. That only adds fuel to fire when you get mad at him.

“Relax… I’m just looking for the whiskey above this clusterfuck of a fridge.” dismisses your comment.

You push the milk jug to the side and you finally find your coveted cake. You move back but your ass just presses up against his crotch. Your ass was as soft as he anticipated, regardless of the size he knew it feel like heaven up against his cock. Out of reflex he slightly grinds up against you, you can definitely feel him getting hard.

“Ugh! Illuso get out from behind me you pervert!” You hiss.

“Pervert?! I’m not the one who grinded their ass on me!” He defensively.

“You’re not fooling me asshole.” You spat. “ I was trying to move out but you were still BEHIND me.”

“Geez you need to go to bed because you are acting crazy. I may be a dick but I’d never sexually harass you!” He continued gaslighting you.

You just glared at him and took your cake with you back upstairs. You hid your red face, you had a heat growing in your lower belly from that brush up. “No! That was gross! Why is my body acting up like this?! I hate him!” You thought clearly in denial.

He watched as you stormed off and smirked. He had fun touching you inappropriately like that. He only wished it lasted longer so you could feel the full extent of his hardness inside the thin material of his lounge pants.

———————————————————————

It’s rare you get any alone time. When you do you take advantage of it. You haven’t had a partner since you put your abusive ex six feet under about 2 years ago. So when you’re feeling needy you have to rely on your favorite vibrator. You locked the door and closed the blinds just in case but you forgot not everyone needs a door or a window to come in and see what you’re doing. You completely forgot about the massive vanity mirror on top of your dresser that faces directly towards your bed. If only you were able to think clearly through your lust clouded mind to know about the mirror. Who knows what else he saw? But you didn’t think about that at the time when you pulled your panties to the side and pushed the vibrator in between your slick folds and into your eager hole.

“Too impatient to take your panties off? What an eager whore you are, Y/N. I wish you’d act like that around me.” He thought as he watched from the other side. He pulled his hard cock out and stroked it to you pleasuring yourself.

He timed his strokes with how you were thrusting the toy in and out. Every time you pulled it out it made a lewd squelching noise. Your cunt was drooling for more as you thrusted it faster and turned up the speed of the vibration. A generous wet spot was forming from where your needy cunt was weeping.

“Shit… that’s perfect. Keep fucking your greedy little pussy just like that.” He panted out as rubbed the precum leaking from his tip over his cock as makeshift lube.

Your mind wanders from fantasy to fantasy , slowly getting you closer to your goal of cumming. First it started off with your crush Prosciutto doing the filthiest things to you but you were starting to have intrusive thoughts about that night you bumped into illuso…with your ass.

“Why am I thinking about that?!” You thought with frustration. “I’m trying to cum, not gross myself out!” But the thoughts continued in vivid detail.

You were trying to steer yourself back to Prosciutto but he wasn’t cutting it. Your mind went to Illuso and that night but he was fucking you in front of the fridge. This turned you on more and you thrusted the toy in and out so fast your wrist began to cramp.

“That’s a good Y/N. Fuck that pussy hard and fast for me.” He growled as he furiously stroked his leaking cock.

“Ugh…fuck. I can’t believe this is going to make me cum. Damn you Illuso…” you moaned as you chased your orgasm. “Illuso! Fuck!” You felt the shockwaves of heat intensifying from the core of your body as you came.

“?!” Y/N was masturbating to him. He couldn’t believe it.

“Y/N! Y/N!” This drove him over the edge and came thick ropes all over his hand and on the mirror.

“Just you wait till I get my hands on you Y/N. I’m going to fuck you so hard you won’t walk straight for a month.” He thought watching your exhausted panting figure sprawled out on the bed.

You pulled out your vibrator and examined it. It was soaking wet and dripping in your own juices. You knew it definitely needed to be cleaned after that mess but you were too exhausted to move.

“I’ll clean it when I wake up…” you thought as you drifted off into deep sleep.

———————————————————————

Things after that eye opening masturbation session got a lot worse with Illusos behavior. He was always staring you down with a cocky grin and licking his lips.

He barely gave you any personal space. At meetings he would manspread on the sofa and pat on his lap.

“Need somewhere to sit? You can always come sit in my lap, you know. I won’t bite~.” He chuckled.

You couldn’t hide the blush tinting your cheeks.

“Ugh, Illuso quit being nasty and spreading your legs. Then I’d actually have room to sit but if you’re going to be gross about it then I’d rather just stand.” You spat while grimacing. You fought back a blush.

You leaned on the back of the chair Sorbet and Gelato were sitting on. They were the only two that you knew weren’t going to bother you…at least not in the way Illuso would.

Risotto was giving out missions from the boss and if he didn’t know better you couldn’t believe he’d have the audacity to pair you up with Illuso on a mission to Milano.

“Y/N… I think it’s best if Illuso accompanies you for this mission. This target is pretty unpredictable and you’ll need some back up.” He said.

“…” you said nothing, your eye twitched. The both of them noticed this, illuso smirked trying not to laugh and Risotto raised an eyebrow.

“Did you hear me Y/N?” He regained your attention.

“Uh… yeah! Sorry.” You were startled.

“Ok good. Well this should be no longer than 3 days.” He continued. He gave more details about what you would be doing but it went one ear and out the other. You were internally panicking due to the fact you were going to be stuck with a pervert for 3 days straight…a pervert you refused to admit that you liked-by yourself.

———————————————————————

The mission was grueling but you managed to kill the target. The only downside was you couldn’t have done it without Illuso so he was feeling pretty cocky that day. Now you’re back at the hotel but it was pretty much booked. The only room left was a honeymoon suite. Fuck.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” You were dumbfounded. “ There's literally no OTHER rooms?!”

“Don’t get pissy at me Y/N. Just be thankful we even got a room. All the other hotels nearby are booked too for some stupid ass event.” He grumbled.

Hopefully the room had a couch or something that you could sleep separately on…

When you get to the room it was very lavish and had a small kitchenette with a fully loaded mini bar when you first walked in and in the room was a massive king sized bed. The bathroom had a waterfall shower and jacuzzi tub. The place spared no expense for the honeymoon suites.

“Wow…” was all you could say. This was a stark contrast to what you two were used to back at base.

“You’re welcome.” Illuso said with a prideful grin as he made a beeline for the mini bar and grabbed the most expensive liquor available.

“Yeah yeah…” you brushed him off as you organized the pillows equally down the middle of the bed.

“What the hell are you doing?” He crinkled his eyebrows in confusion.

“Dividing the bed space duh. This is YOUR side and this is MINE. Go across the pillow barrier and I’m kicking you out and you’re sleeping on the floor.” You said while fluffing the pillows.

“Oh come on! That’s nowhere near enough room for me! I’m 3 times your size.” He bitched.

“Come near me in the bed and I’ll circumcise you.” You threatened making a scissoring sign with your fingers. “Now if you don’t mind I’m getting a shower. I smell like blood and sweat and it’s fucking disgusting.”

He held in crotch with an uneasy look. “Fine. Calm your tits. No need to bring my dick into this. Just don’t steal all the hot water.”

You knelt down in front of your suitcase and pulled out some pajamas, a fresh pair of underwear, and your shampoo, conditioner and body wash. “I’ll think about it… don’t drink all the booze. I want some too.”

“I’ll think about it~.”he teased, copying what you just said.

You narrowed your eyes and gave him the finger and stepped into the bathroom with your things.

He looked at the bed divided and scoffed as he sat on his side. “Like hell that’s gonna stop me.” He thought bitterly.

“I watch them all the time and they don’t even know it. Hell I could watch them right now…” he pondered as he turned on the TV. “They don’t do anything fun in the shower though and they definitely aren’t now that I’m here…” he clicked through the channels and found the premium channels.

“Oh what’s this?” He clicked through and found the cheesy ass porn channel. “Heheh. This is really bad but it’s better than nothing.”

The acting was super bad and the boobjob on the actress was faker than beachballs. Not that there’s anything wrong with fake tits…but they looked completely botched.

You finished up your shower. This was the best shower you ever had in your life! The water was nice and hot and had the right amp of pressure. It made you 100 times less grumpy than when you were coming in.

You came out to your suitcase and put your dirty clothes away.

“What are you watching?” You asked and looked up at the tv and grimaced.

“Eugh. Porn??? Really???.” You made fake gagging noises to exaggerate your disgust.

“Nothing good is on.” He shrugged his shoulders. “Besides it’s so bad it’s funny. You’re gagging sounded more realistic than that chick's gagging.”

You took a mini bottle of wine and your meds and took them in one swig. You unfolded the covers and went on to your side of the bed.

“Well I’m exhausted so I’m going to sleep now. So don’t wake me up unless our lives are in danger.” You warned him.

“Yeah yeah. Go to bed sleeping beauty. I’m staying up.” He said still watching the lewd show.

The mixture of the alcohol and medication put you into a deep sleep. He watched the rest of the porn but he was getting pretty bored with unrealistic effects. It kept his attention until he heard you softly snoring.

“Y/N?” He called out to you to gauge how deep in you were…no response.

He watched your chest rise and fall as you slept deeply. Dark thoughts were beginning to cloud his mind. It was you and him all by yourselves, with no one to interfere. He could finally bring his filthiest fantasy to life. He turned off the lights and removed his clothes.

He removed the annoying pillow barrier you put up and laid down beside you under the layers of blankets. He silently watched your peaceful expression as you slept. You looked so angelic, he couldn’t wait to corrupt you.

He lifted up your shirt to gain access to your breast. They were one of his favorite things about your body. He didn’t give 2 shits about the size, he just liked them because they were yours. He gently squeezed the soft flesh and then took a nipple into his mouth and sucked hard. As the soft peak became hard he gently grazed his teeth on it. This got a soft moan out of you only egging him on.

As he nipped and sucked on the sensitive bud his hand snaked down inside your pajama pants and petted your panty covered cunt. He rubbed between the folds and put extra pressure on the clit as he switched to the other tit and licked on it feverishly. He could feel a wet spot beginning to soak through your panties as you lightly panted.

“For someone who’s so uptight you’re pretty slutty letting me touch you like this.” He thought as he studied your changing facial features as you slept.

“You knew this was going to make you pass out. You want this don't you?” He whispered. “You wouldn’t of drank all that wine and take that medicine if you didn’t want this.” He pulled your pajama pants off and rubbed harder on your moist panty covered cunt.

“Look at how bad you want it. Your panties are getting soaked, lying whore. That’s okay because I love it when you’re a whore.” He kissed up your neck as he put his hand inside your panties and slid a finger through your slick folds.

“Mmmpth…lu…s…o..” you mumbled in your sleep.

The fact that you were thinking of him as you slept encouraged him to keep going and to escalate his behavior.

“That’s right sweetheart. I’m right here…” he purred as he nibbled on your soft earlobe. He teased your entrance with his finger. Your hips moved instinctively in response to the feeling. He chuckled and finally slipped a finger inside you.

“You’re not even awake and you’re still so demanding.” He snickered as he slowly fingered your unsatisfied cunt.

“Mmmpth…” you furrowed your brows and softly grunted out of frustration.

“Oh? 1 finger isn’t good enough for this slut? Are you really in any position to be demanding 2?” He asked with an amused tone. He gave in to your sleepy tantrum and inserted a 2nd finger into your greedy cunt.

He fingered you at a slow rough pace. Your body reacted dripping on to his hand and your face became fully flushed, as you panted harder.

“Mmmm~” you whined and turned your head to the side. You were slowly starting to wake up. You really didn’t want to, you were having the most pleasant wet dream.

“Il…lu..mmm” you whined again you slowly became aware of your surroundings as your eyes fluttered.

“Illuso..? W-what…what are you doing???” You tried to jump up but his weight kept you down on the bed.

“What do you think I’m doing Y/N? I know you want this.” He growled possessively as he brushed his fingers against your g-spot.

“Aaa~…I don’t want this!” You lied. “I hate you! You’re a selfish asshole!”

“You’re lying. Why were you saying my name in your sleep? Why were you saying my name when you were pleasuring yourself? Hmm?” He pulled his fingers out of your soaking wet cunt.

You pushed your thighs together for friction and whined from the loss of fullness. “I…I don’t know!” You lied again.

He held your thighs apart so you couldn’t get any stimulation. “You're not getting off until you're honest with me. And look me in the eyes Y/N while you tell me.” He said with a devilish smile.

Tears of frustration rolled down your cheeks. “Ok! Fine! I like you okay?! I pretend to hate you because I thought you’d never like me in the way I’d like you! Happy???” You cried out of frustration.

“See? That wasn’t so hard!” He pulled your panties down and you covered your face out of embarrassment.

“Hey now… don’t hide from me.” He chuckled, he thought your sudden shyness was cute. “I like you too, don't you know? Why do you think I tease you all the time?” He gently pulled your hands out of your face.

He leaned in and kissed and nibbled on your neck while he rubbed his cock in between your wet folds.

“Wait… I haven’t done this in a long time. Please be gentle?” You requested.

“Don’t worry I’m not going just yet… let’s just take our time.” He continued to slide his cock between your drooling cunt as he leaned down to give you a series of open mouth kisses. You reciprocated by grinding your cunt against his hard cock in time with his thrusts.

Feeling his cock brush up against your clit made you feel lightheaded from the pleasure. You wrapped your legs around his waist and slipped your tongue in his mouth. He gently sucked on it and kept rubbing his leaking cock up against your clit.

“Hah…I think I’m getting close…” you panted, drool was dribbling down the corner of your chin.

“Your body is just as impatient as you are.” He chuckled. “Hold on, I still got to fuck you first.” He kissed you once more and took a finger to wipe away the drool from your chin.

You closed your eyes and hid your face in your hands as he lined his cock up with your entrance.

“Hey now, no getting shy on me. I want you to see me split you open.” He moved your hands away and made you look down.

“Oh god…” you whined nervously, his cock was going to split you open. He was bigger than your ex and your toys. He was 8 inches uncut and very thick, very well groomed too. “Come on… there’s no way it’s gonna fit.” You panicked.

“Calm down, of course it’s gonna fit. You’re dripping wet! I’ll take it slow ok?” He rubbed your thighs in an attempt to comfort you.

“O-ok…go ahead then.”

He took his time and slowly penetrated you. There was a moderate sting but not unbearable. You watched as your fat cunt lips swallowed his massive cock.

“Ahhh…”you hissed in pain and bit your lip. He couldn’t help but groan from the tightness of your hole. “Shit…” he pushed himself all the way in. “You good?” He asked.

“Yeah…just kinda stings.” You whimpered. He settled for a minute letting you get used to the intrusion and then he pulled nearly out and thrusted back in.

“Hnng…” you groaned. You let him keep going and breathed deeply as you tried to relax your body as much as possible to ride out the pain. He kissed and nipped on your earlobe to help distract you from the pain as he thrusted slowly.

The pain stayed longer than you liked but it was fading quickly. You relaxed your muscles and felt him bury his length deeper into your sensitive cunt.

“Faster…please…”you panted.

He would have teased you about it but he was lost in your tightness and picked up the pace. You whined and panted and clinged to him digging your nails into his skin.

“Lulu~” you mewled as tears ran down your cheeks.

“That’s right sweetheart. Say my name.” He purred as he grabbed on to your waist and bounced you on his cock, thrusting as deep as he could.

“Too deep!” You whined as he brutalized your cunt.

“You can take it!” He groaned as he lifted your legs into the breeding position.

You whined as he fucked you like a rabid animal. You dragged your fingernails down his back and knew it was going to leave a nasty mark.

Your hips grinded up against his as he fucked you and he kissed you deeply and slipped his tongue into your mouth.

You sucked on his tongue and your mouths fought for dominance as you made out as you chased your climaxes.

You felt the heat in your cunt expand to the rest of your body and intensity. The knot in your belly was tightening and ready to snap.

“Fuck lulu~! I’m cumming!” You cried.

“That’s right-cum for me sweetheart!” He panted and rubbed on your clit to bring your orgasm closer.

“Illuso~!” You mewled as you clinged to him and arched your back. “Fuck!” You cried as you orgasmed.

“Y/N!” He groaned as he pulled out and came all over your chest and belly.

He rolled off of you and laid next to you holding you close.

“You know I’m covered in cum right?” You snickered.

“As long as it’s mine I don’t give a shit.” He chuckled as he reached over for a tissue off the nightstand as wiped you clean. “There. Better?”

“Much better.” You sighed contentedly as you nuzzled into his embrace. “So…now what?”

“What do you mean now what? You’re mine now. That means no more fawning over that tight ass Prosciutto.” He said rubbing on your side.

“Yeah…I know… but how are we gonna deal with the others?” You look up at him with concern.

“Heh… let’s keep the relationship between us and see how long it takes for one of us to slip up in front of the team or see if they are smart enough to catch on by themselves. I think it will be kinda funny.” He chuckled.

“Sounds like fun.” You snickered.

The team didn’t know for about 2 months… Illuso conveniently forgot that he can be seen in the mirror… All poor Ghiaccio wanted to do was to brush his teeth and in the mirror he gets a full hardcore pornographic scene of Illuso blowing your back out over the bathroom sink. Now the entire bathroom is in disarray…and frozen.

#jjba #la squadra #jjba part 5 #jjba x reader #la squadra x reader #minors dni #la squadra esecuzioni #jjba illuso x reader #jojo illuso x reader #illuso x reader #illuso

[mephinomaly]

[TL] PYSCHOBREAK/Chapter 12

[ This post uses Ois~su ♪ ]

Time: The next day, the day of live Flashback

Location: In a livehouse near Yumenosaki

Koga: ♪〜♪〜♪

(For fuck’s sake! I’ve been tricked…!)

(What happened t’Sakuma-senpai? Yesterday he was actin’ all cool and said he’d “do his best tomorrow”!?)

(And now he’s not even here!)

(The show’s started at the exact time we said it would! And we’re gonna have to perform without him!)

Adonis: ...

Kaoru: ...

Koga: (Gahhh? Adonis can’t help it- even though he looks strong he’s actually a quiet guy!)

(Think he’s got overwhelmed since it’s his first live ‘n his mind’s gone blank!)

(But Hakaze-senpai, that shallow playboy! He’s suppose t’be our senpai yet he’s got all flustered ‘n is actin’ like a total beginner!?)

(What happened to “I’m a reliable guy”?! Fuckin’ liar!)

(This is bad, we all fuckin’ suck! UNDEAD is the worst band ever!)

(Gah, what was I thinkin’!? ‘Course a band that hasn’t practised enough, hasn’t got enough of anythin’ ain’t just gonna get on stage ‘n blow everyone away!?)

(So this was obviously gonna happen. This isn’t a cartoon, no miracle is gonna suddenly save us~!)

(Fuck, shit, this is so embarrasin’!)

(If I could have the same talent Sakuma-senpai had, this wouldn’t be goin’ t’shit. Obviously this is my fault for bein’ weak ‘n immature!)

(I don’t wanna smear Sakuma-senpai’s amazin’ reputation!)

(That’s why I hate this! Someone’s gotta do somethin’! I’ve got to do somethin’...!)

Kaoru: Calm down~, Wan-chan. Relax, relaxxx ♪

Koga: HaaH!? I-i-if you’re so fuckin’ calm that means you ain’t got a fuckin’ clue what’s goin’ on!?

Kaoru: Nothing’s going to change if you panic, okay?

I’m sorry. I’m a poor excuse for a senpai… As you can probably tell, this is my first time on stage, so.

As I thought, actually being on stage is much different than watching from the sidelines.

I can’t breathe properly. The lights are too bright and too hot. I’m sweating and I feel gross. I can’t concentrate because my brain keeps thinking about random, irrelevant things.

It feels like my heart’s going haywire, and that my blood isn't circulating properly.

If I don’t hold out, I might break down… It’s scary, performing like this.

On stage too. I’m only now realising this.

Adonis: Me too… I’m sorry Oogami, I’m feeling really nervous right now.

A long time ago, I used to dance with my mother. She was a singer.

I had her by my side, I knew I could rely on her. I was young, innocent, and unafraid.

I was able to perform without deliberating about it, as if it was second nature. Maybe that was because I had my mother guiding me.

She made me shine. But now, she’s not here with me. My guiding light is not here.

I have to shine on my own.

My anxiety is through the roof, and I’m scared… I feel like a child lost in the dark.

Koga: I see. Can’t I be your guidin’ light?

Nevermind. Without Sakuma-senpai here… I can’t do anythin’.

Adonis: As for Sakuma-senpai… I noticed a moment ago, but isn’t he down there?

Koga: Huh?

Adonis: After talking to you two, I felt calmer and was able to properly take a look at my surroundings… Look, he’s in the audience waving a penlight around.

Rei: Kyah~☆

UNDEAD~♪ Fight, fight, do your best~♪

Koga: I thought he wasn’t gonna show, the hell’s he doin’ down there!?

Adonis: I’m not sure but now I feel strangely satisfied.

Kaoru: S-Sneaky Sakuma-san! You’re a part of UNDEAD, so get up here!

Rei: Ahaha. Yeah yeah. Didn’t expect you of all people to say that, Hakaze-kun. You seemed the most demotivated, and the one with no sense of family.

Kaoru: Okay whatever! Hurry up! If you don’t perform properly you won’t be able to afford to pay back the retaining fee!

Rei: Jeez, alright~. Guess there’s nothin’ I can do then, huh, Nobita-kun…[1] Without your mama here you get all anxious ‘n start cryin’ dontcha. Little baby ♪

Kaoru: …You probably don’t even know this, but that’s a sensitive topic for me, okay?

Don't treat me like I'm stupid.

—And I’m not a weak cry baby anymore.

♪〜♪〜♪

[ ☆ ]

nobita-kun is a doraemon character. He's depicted as lazy, doesn’t like thinking critically, acts childishly, and is pretty dense. Despite this, sometimes he has some redeeming qualities, like being kind and risking his life to save others. It's also implied that his poor grades are not because he’s stupid, but because he’s lazy

Chapter 11

Chapter 13

#ensemble stars #enstars #translation #undead climax #rei sakuma #adonis otogari #kaoru hakaze #koga oogami

[thebookewyrme]

So, here’s the thing. I haven’t always known I was non-binary, or even felt like Not A Woman. This realization is NEW. But what’s not new is feeling different, feeling out of place, and feeling like I didn’t fit properly in my own body. I’ve always hated my body, even when I was young and very conventionally attractive. I knew I was, because so many men wanted to fuck me that I learned how to weaponize my femininity to get what I wanted from them. But I still hated my body. But that’s ok, every woman hates her body, right?

I also always felt like I “wasn’t like other girls”. I thought this was from being raised in a very niche subculture for my formative years. Then I thought it was because I was a tomboy. Then I thought maybe I had just been boy-crazy and that’s why I wanted to be with the boys all the time (bonus points: this also helped hide my bisexuality from myself!) Then I got more into feminism, and I thought oh maybe I was just being brainwashed by a patriarchal culture that makes women compete with each other, so I should definitely throw away my feelings of “not like other girls”. And I found girls who understood me and liked me for my weirdness and didn’t judge me (jokes on me, they’re all butch or non-binary!). So I was hanging out with girls, so I wasn’t so different after all, right?

I didn’t think much of the longing for a penis. Penis envy is a thing with girls right? I mean, what little girl hasn’t wanted to pee standing up sometimes? And it was a vague want, mostly manifested by waiting to pee until I got in the shower so I could do it standing, no matter how bad I had to go. So, not really anything I could latch onto.

I don’t really have anything else. I’m 38, and I’ve just realized my gender. My realizations might continue. I don’t know, I’m really dumb on this introspection shit except as hindsight. It feels like this realization came out of nowhere, which is why it freaked me out and made me feel like a fraud just going with a Trend! But looking back, seeing the clues, I’m becoming more at peace. And all I hope is, people see my experiences and come to their own realizations sooner than I did, because waiting so long feels like so much wasted time.

Anyway, got a referral for top surgery from my physician, hopefully I can have a consultation soon. So it’s a good day, anxiety spikes aside.

#gender #genderqueer #nonbinary #nonbinary woman #transmasc #having a gender day

[ablognoonewillsee]

This blog is basically like a diary I guess and helps me process things a little better. And i’m really glad no one follows it because i don’t want to be perceived.

Anyway, this is something I actually will talk about to the person involved because it’s about my relationship. Or past relationships? Mostly my own anxiety and fear. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost six months now. And he’s really good to me and I think he’s good for me. I love him very very much. And I know that he loves me. We’re long distance, but I’m okay with that, because eventually it won’t be an LDR.

Except of course for my crippling anxiety and Ghosts of Relationships Past. I’ve never had a relationship last more than a few months. The longest being 11 months exactly and being dumped on the anniversary. Most recent was 3 months. Dumped over text when they lived in the same city as me. I’ve been really happy with my current boyfriend. But tonight the mental illness struck. I started thinking about if he finds me annoying or too clingy or too emotional. Or what if he gets bored with me? I am so in love with this man. He makes me laugh and I feel so special when I’m with him. But part of my brain whispers and says what if it’s all fake? What if he doesn’t feel this way and he’s just saying he loves me because he just pities me? I know I can be over dramatic and extremely emotional. I cry over the littlest and stupidest things. So my stupid anxiety brain is just replaying the scenario in my head that never happened of my boyfriend telling me…all that. The same things I’ve been told before. “I just don’t love you the way you love me.” or “It’s too much” or any variety of things that can and will break my heart.

I’ve always been obsessed with the idea of True Love and Happily Ever Afters. I want that Happily Ever After, but I’m not so foolish into thinking it’ll just happen. An HEA is something you work for. And I think I am. So why does my mental illness have to fuck things up and make me cry myself to sleep over shit that hasn’t happened? It’s not fair! Why can’t I just be Neurotypical and not have Anxiety and Depression and who knows what else? Why can’t my brain let me be happy in this perfectly good relationship I have? I’m going to ask for reassurance from him in the morning. But if I do, is that annoying? I mean it’s not that he doesn’t tell me he loves me because he does. Maybe it’s just my own insecurities resurfacing. Thinking I’m not good enough to be loved. Which is silly of course because everyone deserves love and kindness.

I had him here for a whole week. But it felt so short. And I miss sleeping next to him. I miss his kisses and seeing his smile in person, not just in photos. I miss holding his hand. I didn’t ever think I’d actually be dating him. I never planned on telling him how i felt until certain events happened one weekend and then I couldn’t keep my feelings in. And now I have him. And every time i get a notification on my phone i hope it’s him. And when it is him I smile. My ex-coworkers used to tease me about how much I blushed when talking about him or thinking about him. And I love him. This I know for certain. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be having this awful anxiety of him not loving me. So here I am. Crying myself to sleep over the man I love with a made up scenario I never want to think about. Hugging the little plushie he made me for Christmas. Trying to convince myself to stop thinking bad things.

I just hope everything goes well when I talk to him about all this.

[buckys-black-dress]

see through

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚　　˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

a/n: i dont have much to say other than that it's 1 am and i needed to get this out of my system. chapter 4 of play the game is underway, i promise. also, there will be a pov switch in this fic!

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. = POV change!

wc: 4.1k words

[ neighbor!bucky barnes x fem!reader ]

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚　　˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

-

Every Friday night, without fail, you saw the light filter into your apartment.

Notice how you said night?

Yeah, it was almost two in the morning, by the way.

And why was there light coming through the chiffon curtains you had hanging on the rod above your window?

(Great choice on your part, by the way.)

Well, because of your neighbor.

You've seen him a few times, actually. Usually on the street outside your buildings, or just out and about. Never spoke to him, though. He was quiet, kept to himself. Didn't seem very friendly or willing to exchange a greeting if he ever saw you.

But you never took it personally. Maybe he was having a bad day. Every time you saw him.

But that's besides the point. The point right now is that you can see the lights blaring in your room. From the apartment across from yours.

Should it even be possible for light to travel that far? I mean, we don't even live in the same building. You think to yourself as you watch the colors dance in the dark.

You debate getting up and yelling out your window to tell him to shut that shit off or to invest in some blackout curtains. You were tired of sacrificing your sleep every week.

But then you decided against it, because you quite frankly could not be bothered to get up from the warmth of your bed. You'd tough it out for the night, but the next time you saw him, you'd have a few words for him.

-

The next morning, it was almost ten when you woke up. You didn't have your shift at the coffee shop you worked at until three, so you took your time in making your way out of bed.

You noticed the curtains of your neighbor's apartment were still open, but you could see his figure moving across the room. He was clearly on the phone with someone, and he didn't look too happy. You wondered what could have him so angry at such an early time of the morning. He seemed like a person who could use someone to talk to, someone who he could vent to.

But before you let your thoughts get ahead of you, you turn away from the window, heading back into your kitchen to eat breakfast and get ready for the long day ahead of you.

-

"Hi, what can I get started for you today?" You ask as brightly as you can muster at the moment. You were halfway through your shift, another three hours until close.

"Uh, just a large black coffee." The gruff voice says, and it takes you a second until you look up and look closely.

It was him.

"O-okay, that'll be $3.27." You say, and he hands you a five dollar note before grumbling,

"Keep the change."

"Thanks, and your name?"

He gives you a look that's asking, 'what the fuck do you need my name for?'

"For the order." You try and salvage your dignity, because it feels like the stare shrunk you to a speck of dust.

"James."

That's all he all but growls before turning back to find a seat.

As your coworker takes over the cash register, you grab the biggest cup and fill it with his desired coffee.

You try to not think about it too much, but the anxiety you feel rising up inside you and just calling his name to give him his coffee feels absolutely ridiculous.

"Are you just gonna stare at the cup or give it to the customer?" The voice of your coworker, Jenna, rings in your ears and you look up at her, snapping out of the trance you were in.

"Sorry, I'm just a little out of it today, I guess."

"Everything alright?" She asks, and you nod.

"I'm fine, it's just... that's my neighbor." You nod your head towards where James is sat, in the corner by the window as he watches the raindrops run down the expanse of the glass.

"The one who doesn't let you sleep?"

"Yeah, but I don't think he'd take it too kindly if I tell him about that. He seems to have a lot on his own plate anyways," You explain, and she just nods.

"Well, that sucks, but you still need ta' give the guy his coffee." Jenna smiles and walks back to what she was doing before.

You gently slide out from your spot behind the counter and walk to his table.

"Here's your coffee, James. Enjoy, and- uh, let me know if you'd like anything else." You tell him while placing the steaming cup in front of him.

He murmurs a thank you that you barely catch, but you don't quite have the time to sit and wait for more of a reaction.

For the next several hours, James sits right where he was. He doesn't do anything in particular, either. He just watches outside, as the rain continues to pelt down on New York City, and as people come and go from where they were.

Eventually, about an hour left until close, you offer another cup of coffee.

"Do you want a refill? On the house." You ask gently, waiting to see if you'll get brushed off again.

"Uh... are you allowed to do stuff like that?" He asks, and you're a bit taken aback at the sudden concern.

"I don't think you should worry yourself too much, James. Free coffee's free coffee." You smile lightly, and grab the cup before filling it up without his confirmation. You could tell he wanted to say yes but didn't want to seem rude.

"You didn't have to..." He grumbles, and you simply shake your head.

"I know, but you've been here a while, and what kind of employee would I be if I let a customer sit here without any sustenance?" Your lips ply into a tiny smirk, trying to get him to loosen up a bit.

He seems so guarded, defensive. Like any moment, he's ready to run if need be, you inspect to yourself.

"You'd just be a regular employee, Y/N." He says, but the way he says your name makes a shiver run down your spine; and you can't tell if it's a good or bad one.

You unconsciously look down at your name tag, pinned to your black apron that's branded with the café's logo.

"Well, I felt like being nice. I hope you can deal." Your voice comes out short, but he knows you mean no harm.

As you walk back to the counter, you see a small smile playing on his lips, but he doesn't allow it to manifest on his face. You take that as a small victory for your last hour of work.

(bucky's pov).・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

The girl who works at this café is annoying.

But she's got a nice smile. And she's nice to me, Bucky thinks to himself.

He sips on the new coffee you'd just poured for him, without his consent, he thinks bitterly.

But it was a nice gesture.

Why can't you just take a nice gesture?

Because your brain's been scrambled eggs for 70 years. You don't know what to think about anything these days.

He watches you fiddle with the espresso maker, cleaning it with a rag, which you then dip into a bucket.

You look extremely familiar to him, but he can't exactly pin where he's seen you before.

Bucky closes his eyes for a moment, trying to recall where he'd seen you, but for a moment, he comes up with nothing.

Ever since he's been living back in the real world, he hasn't been outside too much.

He goes on the occasional walk, or goes to the tower to see Steve and Sam.

But other than that, he spends a lot of time in his Brooklyn apartment. He watches movies that Steve suggests, or he invites Steve and Sam over to have beer and watch TV with him.

He hates how lonely it gets, though.

Bucky wishes that he had someone.

Someone who could understand.

And don't get him wrong, he loves Sam and Steve. They fill in the gaps in his days, and they make them better.

Sometimes, thinking about having something to do that day is what makes it. He likes having something to do, something to plan for for when his friends come over.

But it feels like a teeny, tiny part of his life is missing. A person shaped-hole in his heart.

But Bucky doesn't spend too long thinking about it, or it'll send him into a spiral about failure and how he needs to 'push himself to get out there more.'

Or that's what his therapist says.

"Hey, we're about to close, and we usually throw the pastries out at the end of the day. Do you wanna take these home, by any chance?" Your voice rings in his ears, snapping him out of the impending slippery slope of his lack of love life.

He hesitates to answer for a second, looking at the brown paper bag pinched between your fingers.

Bucky can tell you were nervous when you spoke to him. He knew he made you uneasy, and it killed him inside.

He hated that. He just wanted to have a normal conversation with someone. But everyone seems to know who he is.

Who he was.

"Uh, what is it?" He croaks, unsure of what to say at your gesture.

"It's a few cookies and a chocolate croissant."

"Sure, I'll take 'em." Bucky simply answers, watching as you hand the bag over with a soft smile and watches you walk back.

You sweep up the floor and put up all the chairs, except for the one Bucky's sitting on. You leave his table alone, and bid farewell to your coworker who was scheduled to close with you.

Bucky doesn't know what drives him to do it, but he gets up after he sees you walk out the door, and follows you home.

Damn, if you like a girl, you usually ask for her number or somethin'. Not follow her home to make sure she's safe, you idiot. Bucky's inner voice speaks and sometimes, he wishes it would just shut up because he knows he has no game nowadays, but this is all he knows to do.

He realizes the way you're walking is familiar, and not at all of the way he was supposed to be going. That made him feel a little better, less like a creep. He's about half a block behind you, and when you turn onto the same street he lives on, he's really confused.

Did you know he was behind you? Are you trying to play a trick on him?

But before Bucky can speak up or say something, you walk right past his building, and into the one right next to it.

All of a sudden, images of you right on the street in front of your buildings flash through his head. He's seen you because you're his neighbor. Bucky's seen you right there, getting ready to start your run through the neighborhood, or probably on your way to work, now that he's seen where you work.

But he feels like there's somewhere else he's seen you; somewhere familiar.

He shakes his head, wondering why he's so caught up in you. He thought you were beautiful, but he feels a pull to you that he's never felt with anyone else before.

Bucky's hands move to unlock his door, sliding the key in and twisting the lock open.

He enters, staring at his dark apartment. It's moments like this, when he spends a long day alone, that he wishes there was someone.

Someone to come home to, to hug, to kiss, to share dinner with.

Some to fall asleep with at night. Someone to keep the terrors of the dark away.

But there was no one.

And then his mind thought back to you. Your hair, your face, your warm hands that touched his while you passed him the brown paper bag of treats.

Bucky wishes he was man enough to ask you out. Not even that, just to talk to you. Have a normal conversation, to get to know you.

But that wasn't in the cards for him anytime soon, he thinks.

For now, he focuses on taking things one at a time. And right now, all he wanted was a nice, warm shower and to get at least three hours of sleep tonight.

He's in his room, forgoing the lights for now, before he looks out his window.

For a moment, he believes his eyes are playing tricks on him.

There's absolutely no way that you are standing right there, right outside his window.

Well, in your own apartment, of course.

And there's absolutely no way in hell that Bucky is watching you undress right now.

As soon as you pull off your top, Bucky turns around before he could get more than a peek of your black lace bra, and he feels a burn in the pit of his stomach.

He can't tell if it's shame, guilt, or arousal.

(y/n's pov).・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

You couldn't stop thinking about James all day.

After yesterday, you wondered why you couldn't shake this feeling about him.

He'd made it quite clear that he's not a people person. Or maybe he just wasn't a you person.

But again, you tried to not take things too personally these days.

Sometimes, you wondered, though, as you looked through your bedroom window to his some nights.

You imagined what it would be like, watching one of those movies with him at night. Making dinner with him. Having coffee in the mornings before work, wondering what he did for a living.

You chastise yourself for your thoughts, thinking that you were crazy for these ideas you were coming up with out of nowhere.

As you pull off your clothes to get ready for bed, you feel the same emptiness fill your heart when your head hits the pillow, and another day has gone by where you're all alone.

-

The next day, your shift was at ten in the morning so you were up early.

You took your time in rolling out of bed. The warmth of your duvet was holding you down, and you couldn't help take a peek out your window.

You see that the room facing yours is finally housing a body in the bed. In all the time you'd been living across him, you've only seen him on the floor.

You feel a warm flutter at that. Whatever reason led him to actually sleep in the bed last night was, you hope you played a role in it.

-

You make your way to the café, and although walking in the rain wasn't ideal, you made it, somehow.

You clock in and head to the register, ready to take the millions of orders that come in through the day.

"Hi- oh! Welcome back. What can I get you?" Your tone of voice made it clear you were surprised, but was trying to not let it show.

"Uhm, just the same as yesterday, and... Can I get a chocolate croissant?" Bucky's gruff voice tells you.

You ring him up, wondering if you should say something about him being your neighbor. Although, he didn't seem too keen on looking you in the eye right now, and you wonder if you did something to make him uncomfortable yet again.

He seems to have this issue quite often.

Little do you know, this time, it isn't because of you or anything you did.

Well, nothing you did on purpose.

Nothing you were aware of at the time.

Anyways, you tell James to go take a seat and that you'd be right out with his order.

"Here you go, James," you place the plate and mug on the table, and this time, when you hear him say something, you turn around with furrowed brows.

"Sorry, I didn't catch what you said." You apologize, waiting for him to repeat himself.

"I- nevermind, it was stupid anyways. You probably have to get back to work." He mumbles while looking back down at his pastry.

"James, whatever it is, you can tell me." You offer with a kind smile. "I can come sit with you during my break, if you don't mind?" A hopeful smile crosses your face.

"Uh, I- yes, yeah, that would be nice." He struggles for a moment, but finally nods his head in confirmation along with his words.

"Alright, James. I get off in an hour for my break." You simply tell him with a soft grin, and you can practically feel his eyes burning into you as you walk away.

The blush creeping up your cheeks also stays there until the remainder of your shift.

-

As you plop in the chair across from James, you inspect him for a moment.

He was attractive, you'll admit.

Okay, he was more than attractive.

"So, James, where are you from?" You ask, your own cup of coffee in front of you on the table.

"Well, I'm Brooklyn born 'nd raised. Never was a time I didn't live here. You?" His lip twitches, looking out the window fondly.

"That's nice. I moved here when I was nine, so I guess I've been here a while. But no matter where I go, there's nowhere like home." You smile.

"There really isn't, huh? This place is irreplaceable." He gives you a crack of another smile, and you find yourself yearning for more from him. Just a tooth, something.

"Well, do you live around here?" You ask, deciding to play coy. You wanted to see what he'd say.

"Uh, yeah, actually. Over on DeKalb and Clinton." He clears his throat, the hint of a smile on his face melting right off.

"Huh, that's so funny. I live on those streets too." You grin, waiting to see his reaction.

"O-Oh really?" James doesn't really know what to say without giving away that he knows where you fucking live.

"Yeah, isn't that funny? Which building?" You're pressing, and you know he knows, but you're having your fun right now.

"T-the uhm... I live in the Washington." He's now making zero eye contact with you, and you're close to breaking.

"What a coincidence! I live in the Oakley!" You're in a fit of giggles when his face drops, you just can't help it anymore.

"James, can I tell you something?" You ask in a coquettish manner.

"Yeah, I suppose you'll tell me even if I say no." He gives a tight smile as a joke.

"I don't wanna sound like a creep, but I knew you lived in the Washington."

"Oh," James releases a breath of relief, "thank God. I knew you lived in the Oakley, but I didn't wanna sound like a stalker either." He says.

You laugh, sliding a hand on top of his resting on the table.

"Y'know, you do this really annoying thing where you leave your movies running on full brightness on your TV, and I can see it through my windows at night." You laugh at the incredulity of the situation.

"Oh... I never even thought of that. I'm sorry, Y/N." He looks genuinely remorseful, and now you feel bad for any bad thought you've had about the man that lives across from you.

"It's alright. No big deal." Your smile does a good job of convincing Bucky that you truly weren't bothered by his actions, but he still felt bad.

"Y'know, maybe I could make it up to you?" He asks, and you feel a blush moving up your chest. "Like, maybe over dinner?" His voice is timid, you can tell by the way he tilts his head down while speaking.

"James," you slide your hand into his this time, your smaller one resting in his large metal one. "I'd love to go out with you sometime."

Before he could react, you stood up from the chair.

"My break's over, but I get off at 3." You lean down and pull a pen from your apron, scribbling your number onto a napkin. "Here."

You walk away before he could say anything, but there's something about him this time that you notice.

He's blushing, too. And he's smiling. A bright, white, blinding smile.

You think of that smile throughout your whole shift, until you see he's still waiting for you when it's time to go.

"So, do you like Chinese or Italian better?" He asks with a crooked smile.

-

bonus scene:

six months later

You and Bucky are laid across your bed, the TV blaring a movie that neither of you are paying attention to. Your head is resting on his shoulder, leg thrown over both of his, and his hand running through your hair.

"You wanna know somethin' doll?" Bucky asks, and you feel his chest rumble under your head.

"Yeah, everything okay?" You ask while leaning up on your elbow to get a good look at him, trying to gauge his mood.

"Everything's okay, just remembered something." He laughs, his hand moving to hold your jaw in it. You shivered at the touch, but smiled fondly at the action.

"When I first saw you at the coffee shop, that first day when you gave the free coffee and pastries... I followed you home."

Your brows furrow and it's clear that you were confused as to why.

"I wanted to make sure you got home safe, and then it turned out that you lived right next to me. So I went up to my apartment and wondered what I'd done right in a past life to have you live right next to me, and then I saw you lived right across from me." His face was tipped upwards, like he was replaying that night in his head.

"You followed me home just to make sure I was safe?" You asked in disbelief that he did something so nice for you, when at the time you thought he hated you.

"Of course, sweetheart. It was dark out and there 're some real jerks out there, y'know." One corner of his mouth lifts up in a soft smirk. "Didn't want anything to happen to ya."

You lean down and press a kiss to the corner of his mouth, appreciating his gesture.

"I really thought you didn't like me back then, so this is a nice little secret you've been hiding from me." You giggle when he pulls you back in for a real kiss.

"Yeah, well, I don't think I could'a hated you if I tried, baby. You're too sweet. And at the time, I was still getting used to being out in the open without being a national security threat." You both laugh lightly, dropping your head down.

A moment passes where you bask in his words, letting them soak in. And then a thought hits you, and you can't help but become more curious. Now you need to know the answer.

"Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, hon." Now Bucky's brows are pulled together, and you reach up and smooth out the wrinkle with your thumb.

"Did you ever... see me doing anything in here? Like, I usually keep the curtains open, and even if they're closed, they're pretty see-through..." You trail off, giving him time to craft his response.

You have a feeling you know the answer, considering how he turns red like a tomato in an instant as words leave your lips.

"I... there was this one time, but I swear, I wasn't trying to peep on you or anything, it was the same day I followed you and I just so happened to look into your window, and you were getting undressed, but I swear, I turned away as soon as I saw what you were doing, baby-" He was rambling, trying to save himself from sounding like a complete creep after all he's just told you.

"Did you like it?" You ask, innocently, but he knew what you were trying to do.

"I-I- You were getting undressed, sweetheart, of course I liked it... are you kidding me?" Bucky's grasping for the words, trying to make you understand.

"Well... we could always recreate it, but maybe in the same apartment this time?" You cock your head to the side, your doe eyes stirring a feeling in his abdomen.

"I think that's an excellent idea, honey." Bucky's hands grasp your waist as you slide on top of his lap. "After all, I am a hands on learner."

-

fin. i hope you enjoyed!

#bucky barnes one shot #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes smut #bucky imagine #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky fic #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes reader insert #neighbor!bucky #bucky barnes au

[helliontherapscallion]

(Y/n) and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week: Thursday (Part 1)

Monday     Tuesday     Wednesday     Thursday (Part 2)     Friday     Saturday     Sunday

Spotify Playlist (collaborative)

Warnings: swearing, homophobia (f slurs and d slur), panic attacks, toxic friends, mentions of attempted suicide/getting told to kill yourself

Word count: 6,377

(A/N): ok, so I definitely got carried away with this, so I had to split Thursday into two parts. If I kept it in one part, it’d probs be like 10k-11k words long lmao

You woke up feeling strangely more refreshed than usual. Glancing at your clock, you saw that you actually woke up about thirty minutes before your alarm went off. You got a whopping twelve hours of sleep, a stark contrast from your recent sleep schedule consisting of no more than four hours a night. You felt like you could rule the world with how much energy you had. Sure, you felt anxiety pooling in your stomach like you usually did and you had a terrible dream about Haley rejecting you and getting completely outed to the entire school, but that did not stop you from throwing your covers off your bed and walking down the hall to the kitchen with the most confidence you’ve had since starting high school.

When you got to the kitchen, you saw a dead looking Uncle Schlatt slumped at the table chugging coffee and a chipper Philza trying to make conversation. Usually, you would’ve joined Schlatt in being dead inside, but today was different. You were filled to the brim with energy that you haven’t had in years. As you walked through the door, their heads turned towards you.

“Mornin Dad, mornin Uncle Schlatt!”

Your uncle merely grunted before going back to guzzling down his coffee. Your dad smiled at you, “well, looks like someone’s well rested.”

“Yeah, I got like twelve hours of sleep last night.”

“Glad to hear it, hun. You really needed it.”

“Glad to hear someone’s feeling well rested,” your uncle grumbled into his coffee. 

“Schlatt, don’t be such a downer all the time,” Philza rolled his eyes at your uncle. 

“Fuck you Phil, I’m a ball of fuckin sunshine. Ain’t that right, sweetheart?” 

“Yeah, Dad, I don’t know what you’re talkin about. Uncle Schlatt’s the heart and soul of this house. Even if he doesn’t live here.”

Schlatt gave a booming laugh, “suck it Phil. And that, (y/n), is why you’re my favorite niece.”

“At least I’m someone’s- wait. I’m your only niece.”

“Still my favorite niece!”

You grinned happily, that was better than nothing. “Love ya, Uncle Schlatt!”

Your uncle’s cocky grin turned more sincere and he diverted his full attention to you, “love ya too, kid.”

“Love each other quieter, you woke me up.” Wilbur’s tired voice complained as he walked into the room and slumped into his chair next to Schlatt. Schlatt clapped a hand onto his shoulder and rustled his hair.

“My man! How’s Sally, huh?”

Wilbur flushed red and started sputtering as Philza turned his confused gaze to his son. “Who’s Sally, Wilbur?”

You couldn’t leave your brother high and dry when he accepted you for being yourself so readily yesterday, so you quickly jumped in for him. “Sally’s just one of his friends at school. They’re job shadowing together for their project. Right, Wilbur?” You turned towards the flustered man with a somewhat forced smile and raised eyebrows. He looked at you with immense relief and nodded vigorously, his hair flopping onto his forehead. 

“Yes! We’re planning on job shadowing our band director, he said that it’d be a good idea if we want to major in music.” 

“Oh, why didn’t you tell me about her before! You should invite her over for dinner, I’d love to meet her!” Oh, your dad did not buy your terrible excuse for Wilbur, that man is like a bloodhound when it comes to sniffing out lies. Poor, poor Wilbur. 

Despite the blush remaining on his cheeks, Wilbur seemed to think that Philza actually bought his weak excuse. “I’ll invite her over soon. Does Friday night next week work?”

Philza grinned cheekily, “yes! I can’t believe you haven’t brought her over sooner if you’re close enough to job shadow with her!”

At this point, Schlatt’s face was cherry red with his almost failed attempt to hold in his laughter. “I’m not missin this. Me an’ Tubbs are comin over next Friday.” 

Wilbur still hasn’t noticed that they hadn’t bought it, you thought he was more perceptive than that. Eventually, Philza started to make breakfast and conversation lulled into a comfortable silence as everybody waited for Techno, Tommy, and Tubbo. Deciding to pull out your phone, you scrolled through your notifi- wait. Why did you have forty-two messages from Adrian and Sammy? Why did they make a groupchat with everyone except Annie? Furrowing your brows in confusion, you opened the group chat. What you read made your breathing catch in your chest and your skin blanch, it wasn’t a dream. Everything was real.

Sammy <3

(y/n) you fucking pervert

How could you do this to us????

Adrian <3

We’ve given you everything and yet you’re still a disgusting person. 

Fucking faggot

We thought we could fix you, but you’re broken

You’re always going to be

Sammy <3

And now, you’re gonna go to hell with all the other dykes and fairies.

It’ll probably be heaven for you, surrounded by perverts like yourself

You’re staying far away from Annie

Adrian <3

You’ve put her through so much shit and now this

We swear to god if you talk to her again we’re gonna make you wish you would’ve gone through with killing yourself freshman year

We’re leaking the pictures slut

You felt your anxiety melt away into betrayal. So they were yours and Haley’s stalkers? How dare they try to leak Haley’s pictures. They could leak yours, you didn’t give a shit if yours were leaked. You could learn to live with it, you always did after all the shit you put yourself through throughout the years, but Haley’s? She didn’t do anything. Even if her rejection was painful, you still deeply cared for her. She didn’t deserve that. You, however, did for not being normal. For making people around you uncomfortable with your presence. 

(Y/n)

That was you guys?????

Why the fuck would you do that

I trusted you 

All of you

Sammy <3

We trusted you too dyke

But you’re a two-faced bitch

And to think we actually thought you were our friend

Were you only friends with Ann and I so you could get into our pants?

I’m disgusted

You’re a fucking pervert.

Adrian <3

We shouldn’t have talked you out of suicide freshman year

You fucking deserve it

Make Annie’s life easier and just swan dive off a roof

You’ll be doing everyone a favor

(Y/n)

Listen, I don’t care if you leak my pictures.

Just don’t leak Haley’s

She has no part in this

I’ll leave you guys alone if you delete Haley’s pictures

Hell, I’ll do anything for you if you could release them after the final volleyball match today

It’s Haley’s time to shine and she deserves the attention as team captain

She’s worked so hard to get there all of high school and leaking my nudes would take the attention away from her

Let her have her moment

Sammy <3

For once she has a point

She probably manipulated the poor girl

Who knows what the fag would’ve done to her if we didn’t expose her

Adrian <3

Fine, we’ll delete Haley’s pictures and we’ll wait until after the game

But we’re leaking yours

You deserve it for what you did to Annie and Haley

“Kid, are you okay? You’re kinda pale over there buddy.”

Looking up from your phone, you saw everybody’s eyes on you. They each looked concerned, but Wilbur even more so. He was the only one in the room at the moment that knew about your panic attacks. He stood up from his spot and walked over to you with long strides.

“She just remembered the homework in stats that we forgot about. Techno asked us in the group chat about it, we were just about to go and see if he could help us.” 

“But Wilbur, I thought you took statistics last year.”

“No, that was algebra two, I’m taking stats this year,” that was a lie, he was in pre-calculus this year. “C’mon (y/n), lets go finish that assignment.” 

He grabbed your shoulder and hauled you into a stand before grabbing your hand and practically dragging you up the stairs and into Techno’s room. Said pink-haired teenager looked up angrily. “What’d I say about kno- (y/n)?”

Wilbur closed the door and locked it behind him. He dragged you over to Techno’s bed and sat you down on the edge before kneeling down to look you in the eyes.

“(Y/n), can I touch you? Is that alright?”

After you shakily nodded, he grabbed your hand and placed it over his chest. “Breathe with me.” Like yesterday, you tried to copy his movements, but it wasn’t working. Your panic attack was just getting worse by the minute. Techno pushed Wilbur aside and took his place kneeling in front of you and grabbing your hand, rubbing his thumb over your knuckles.

“(Y/n), can you tell me five things you can see around the room?”

When you didn’t move your wide eyes away from Techno’s face, he frowned and gently squeezed your hand. “You can get through this. What’re five things you can see around the room?”

You reluctantly tore your eyes away from his face and peered around the room. You hadn’t noticed that your blurred vision had tunneled until you realized that you couldn’t see anything in your peripheral vision. Your unseeing eyes flicked around the room. 

You tried to swallow, but you couldn’t do anything through the lump in your throat. With a shaky voice, you gasped out “I-I can’t breathe. I-”

“Deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth. Follow me.”

You tried to breathe with him, and you eventually got to the point where you could speak. Your eyes flicked around the room once again and slowly recognized your surroundings. 

“You… Wilbur… Desk… Window…”

“That’s good, just one more.”

Your eyes flicked around the room, “...Book.”

“Look back at me, you’re doing so good,” when you looked back at him, he had a small smile on his face. “Nice job. Now, four things you can feel. Can you do that for me?”

You shakily nodded and looked at your hands and around your surroundings. “Bed… Pants… You… Carpet.”

“Three things you can hear?”

“You… Birds… Breathing.”

“You’re almost there, I’m so proud of you. Two things you can smell?”

“Toast and… and burning?”

Despite his confusion about the sudden burning smell, he continued to smile at you. “Good, last one. One thing you can taste?”

You licked your lips before scrunching your nose slightly, “...snot.”

“Wilbur, can you go get her a few kleenexes and a glass of water?” Techno asked his brother without taking his eyes off you.

Wordlessly, he swiftly left the room. “Are you feeling better?”

You panted as you reached up to rub at your teary eyes, “yeah, how’d you know what to do?”

His smile turned slightly bashful, “I did some research last night. I’m glad I did, that was a bad panic attack. Can I- can I ask what caused it?”

You pulled out your phone and handed it to him, letting him scroll through the messages while you brought up your knees to your chest and rested your chin on your knees. You felt tired after that attack, however you had a little bit more energy than you usually did. Only a little bit more. It was probably because you slept for half the day and through the night yesterday. You watched your brother scroll through your texts with tired eyes. 

He was emotionless as he scrolled, making you somewhat scared about what his reaction would be. He probably hasn’t gotten to the whole “go kill yourself” or the stalking parts. Judging by his set jaw and labored breathing, he was pissed already and he didn’t even get to the bad parts yet.

In the middle of his scrolling, Wilbur came back with a box of tissues, a glass of water, and a plate of bacon, eggs, and toast. When you hardly moved to grab them, he sat on the bed beside you and handed you a tissue. After cleaning up, you took the glass of water and started to slowly sip at it. “Thanks, Wil.” 

He wrapped an arm around you and pulled you close to him. When he looked over Techno’s shoulder at your phone, you saw his eyebrows furrow. “Tech, what’s-”

He was interrupted as Techno shoved your phone into his hands and stood up to start pacing around his room. “Read it yourself.” He sounded more monotone than usual. He was absolutely furious.

You watched Wilbur’s face as he read through your messages. Unlike Technoblade, he looked furious. His eyes were set ablaze as his entire face turned an angry red. “(Y/n), what the absolute fuck? Why didn’t you tell us this was happening?”

Shrinking in on yourself and pulling your knees closer to your chest, you murmured out a small “sorry.” You saw him quickly turn his head to you as his face softened. He pulled you into a full hug.

“This isn’t your fault. None of it is, it’s all their fault,” he spat with disgust. “How’d they even get your nudes? Did you send them to anyone?”

You leaned your head against his shoulder, “that’s the thing, Wil. I’ve never taken nudes before. They took them through my window. I deserve it.”

You felt him freeze up and heard Techno pause his pacing to stomp over to you. He tore Wilbur’s arms off from you and held you out at arms length by your shoulders. He looked the most angry than you’ve ever seen him with his furious eyes burning into your own and his mouth set in a firm frown. It was terrifying to see him that angry.

“(Y/n), you don’t deserve a single fucking thing that’s happened to you. You were manipulated and gaslit by a group of self righteous assholes. You. Do. Not. Deserve. Anything. That. Happened. To. You. Do you understand me?” 

Despite your fears of him, you were determined to protect your friends. “But I do deserve it though. I was a bad friend to them. I tried so hard, but I couldn’t be a good friend to them when they were always helping me. I’m just not a good person in general. I deserve it for not being normal.”

“(Y/n)-”

“Technoblade, that’s enough.” Wilbur cut him off with a firm tone, putting a comforting hand on your arm.

“No it isn’t Wilbur. It’s not enough until she realizes how fucking toxic they are. What they’re doing is gaslighting. You’re in a psychology class, you should know what that is. Give me the definition of it. Now.”

“It’s when someone manipulates another person for their own personal gain… I’d know if I’m being gaslit, and I’m not. They’re just telling me the truth, they keep me in check. I could put more effort into my appearance and personality. I could stand to lose a couple of pounds.” “How do you not- ya know what? Listen. Just listen. That’s the definition of being gaslit. They’re constantly putting you down and making you self conscious about every. Little. Thing because they need to put someone down to fuel their own damaged egos and they laugh at you when you show that you’re hurt by their comments. That’s not a healthy friendship, (y/n). It’s toxic. 

“Real friends would never, and I mean never, do that to you. Real friends would never tell you that you looked like shit when you’re as beautiful as Aphrodite. Real friends would never out you to the entire school when you weren’t ready. Real friends would never tell you to lose weight because they wouldn’t care about what you look like. Real friends care about your well being and they look out for you. They love you for you.”

You fell silent as you contemplated his words. Were they really that toxic? You were planning on being a psychology major in college, so why didn’t you notice that they were actually always against you? You learned in your class that manipulative people are naturally cunning and sneaky, but you couldn’t help but feel stupid. You thought that they were helping you when they were clearly toxic. It was right under your nose and you didn’t even see the signs. What kind of psychology student were you if you couldn’t recognize the obvious signs of manipulation? 

On one hand, you were filled with betrayal. But on the other hand, you felt molten hot anger overwhelm and swirl around your entire body like a cyclone absolutely decimating everything in its path with its violent winds hurling in a blind rage anything and everything without a care of the outcome. You felt the burning hatred of a thousand suns rise up from deep within your being, filling you with a hatred that you didn’t know you were capable of. 

They fucked up your entire life, not you. They were the ones with the ugly personalities, not you. They were the ones that needed to improve themselves, not you. They were bad friends, not you. They laughed at the pain they brought upon you purposefully. They completely humiliated you. They betrayed your trust. They took pictures of you without your consent. They fucked up your relationship with Haley. They violated Haley. They fucking stole her dignity from her with those disgusting pictures they took of her. They were truly vile creatures undeserving of any mercy. Not that you were actually considering being merciful, that would be too good for them. They deserved everything you were going to throw at them. You were going to rise like a phoenix from the ashes of your past self. 

You felt yourself practically vibrate with fury as you held Technoblade’s intense gaze with one of your own. “Those bastards fucking used me for years. Literal years and I thought they were there for me,” you gave a sardonic laugh, your voice shaking with anger. “I-I’m gonna fuckin kill them the next time I see their sorry asses. Make them feel what it’s like to get tossed out of a car. Make them feel what it’s like to constantly get beaten down.”

Techno’s hands gripped your shoulders in a vice grip as his eyes sparked with a crazed delight and he grinned widely at you, “that’s the spirit! You’re gonna rain hellfire upon them, beat their asses (y/n)! Fuck em up! FUCK! EM! UP!”

Wilbur, always thinking about potential consequences and the voice of reason, spoke up with hesitance. “As much as I love that you’re finally realizing that they’re toxic as hell and want revenge, you’d have to wait at least until tomorrow. If you did it today, you wouldn’t be allowed to go to finals. Besides, I don’t think that you should even fight them. You would be out- wait. They’re the ones that opened the car door and fucked up your back?” Seeing you nod, his face darkened in anger. “...(Y/n), you’re gonna fuck em up as soon as you can tomorrow. We’ll back you up if they try to gang up on you, we aren’t eighteen yet, so it’s still legal. ”

“YES, SUCCUMB TO THE ANARCHY! WE’RE GONNA FUCK EM UP!”

“YOU ARE NOT FUCKING ANYONE UP ANYTIME SOON, TECHNOBLADE.” Philza’s voice boomed from behind the closed door. Said door swung open to reveal your father’s angry form and your uncle’s intrigued, slightly proud form.

You three stared at the two for a while with gaping mouths, your previous intensity substantially diminuendos into a quiet shock. No one fucks with an angry Dadza. Techno was the quickest to get over the shock. “...How long were you standing there?”

Your father sneered. “Well, long enough to hear that you three are going to fight someone! Why the hell would you do that?” 

Your brothers looked at you in a silent question. Shaking your head, you answered in a small voice, “there’s just some people messing with me at school. They were just worried about me. We weren’t gonna actually fight someone, they were just talking about how it’d be nice to get some revenge for me. I was just about to tell them that I could handle myself and we didn’t need to fight.”

Immediately, your dad’s stiff stance relaxed slightly as his eyes pierced into your own, searching them to see if you’re lying to him or not. You felt a cold sweat drip down the back of your head at the intensity of his gaze, you hated when he did that. It always made you feel like he was staring right at your soul. Eventually, his gaze softened.

“Why didn’t you tell me? I could’ve helped you through it.”

“I didn’t want to bother you. Plus, it’s nothing I can’t handle by myself.”

“But you looked really panicked earlier hun. Are you sure you can-”

“I just forgot about my stats homework until this morning and I thought I wouldn’t be able to get it done in time, but I did! No worries,” you spoke a little faster than usual. You prayed that he wouldn’t see through your lie. 

“...Alright. Just let me know if it gets to be too much for you and I can talk with your principal about it. Now go eat something and get ready, you only have,” he glanced at the clock on the wall, “an hour before you have to be at school. Hurry up or you’re going to be late.”

Your dad turned around and walked down the hallway away from the room. Schlatt, however, loomed in the doorway for a while before he came into the room and closed the door behind him. You three watched him warily as he eyed you and your brothers.

“...Ya know, I approve,” after seeing your confused looks, he chuckled and spoke again. “I approve of you three fuckin em up. I heard part of your conversation, and those snot nosed brats deserve it for what they did to my favorite niece.”

You three stared at him with shock, making him laugh at you. “Close your mouths, you’re gonna catch flies.” He paused for a second before leaning towards you and whispering “now, you didn’t hear it from me, but the key to a good punch is following through with it. Don’t hesitate. Don’t tuck your thumb in, that’ll break it. Make sure you center your hit on your index and middle fingers, they are the strongest points of the hand. If you need to, go for the eyes, nose, and groin.”

“I-thank you Uncle Schlatt. I really appreciate it. Just- please don’t tell dad?”

“Of course not! I mean, if you don’t fuck em up enough I will. (Y/n), when you’re done, I want details.”

You saluted sarcastically, “yessir, will do!”

He gave a boisterous laugh, “you better. Now go get ready.” 

As he was about to walk out of the room, he suddenly paused and his hand shot to his pants pocket. He pulled something out before putting it into your hand and turning again to walk out of the room. “This is from Tubbo and Tommy. They were worried about you.” In your hand laid three of your favorite candies. You felt your heart swell at their innocent, caring natures. They were honestly some of the sweetest kids you’ve ever met. 

“Well boys, you get first pics!” You held out the candy to them.

Wilbur looked at you with knitted eyebrows, “but they gave those to you.”

“I wouldn’t have gotten through that panic attack without you guys helping me, so take this as a temporary thank you.” You watched as they glanced at each other before reaching out to grab a piece of candy.

“Alright, I’m gonna go get ready, you guys can take the bathroom before me. Love you guys!”

You went into your room and made sure your curtains were closed before turning to your closet. Humming in thought, you picked out a white button up and the nicest sweater you owned. You put on the collared button up then slipped the sweater on over it so that the collar poked out of the neck. You smiled at yourself in the mirror, feeling more confident in yourself than you’ve felt since you started hanging out with them. Fuck them, they always lied to you. You looked great in anything you put on. You felt elated and basked in the spectacular feeling of being able to like what you wore. 

While you waited for your brothers to leave the bathroom, you pulled out your phone and scrolled through your contacts before you stopped on one: Haley’s. The girl that stole your heart and relentlessly stomped on it until it was a red puddle at her feet. Despite the pain, you still loved her. She was your everything. Your thumb hovered over her icon, contemplating on texting her. You had to tell her that she didn’t have to worry about her pictures anymore. 

(Y/n)

Haley

I know you don’t want to talk to me, but I have good news

You don’t have to worry about your pics anymore

I took care of it.

You don’t have to reply to this

Just know that I took care of it and you don’t have to worry about it anymore.

You sat on your bed staring at your phone screen waiting for her to open your messages. You stared at the ‘delivered’ icon at the bottom of your message, waiting for it to say ‘read’. You stared for about ten minutes before you gave up, putting your phone in your pocket and standing up with a sigh. She would see it eventually. Just as you reached your door, you felt a vibration in your pocket. You whipped out your phone and smiled at Haley’s face on your screen. She was calling you. 

Taking a deep breath to calm yourself down, you clicked the answer button, “hey Hales.”

“(Y/n), what’d you do?”

“I took care of it. That’s all you have to know.”

“I think I should know more. What’d you do?”

You paused for a moment before you hesitantly said, “I asked them to delete your pictures and they have to, it’s part of our deal.”

“...You found out who they were?”

“Yeah, but that’s not important. You don’t have to worry about it.”

“(Y/n), don’t tell me what to worry about. Who are they?”

“...Fine, it was Adrian Schnieder, Annie Lockhart, and Sammy McConnor. Ya know, you’re scary when you’re mad Hales. Remind me not to get on your bad side again.”

“It was them? You hang out around them all the time, I thought you were good friends. Why would they do that?”

Even though she couldn’t see you, you shrugged. “I dunno. I think they were just jealous. They’re assholes and I can’t believe I haven’t noticed it a lot sooner. I’m sorry they put you through that, you didn’t deserve what they did to you.”

“God (y/n),” she sighed out, you imagined that she was running a hand through her hair. “I can’t imagine how much that hurt you. You four were really close.”

“I know, but it was a long time coming. Like I said, I should’ve noticed that it was them. They’ve always been toxic as hell.”

“How’d you find out? What happened?”

“Did you hear about what they did to me yesterday?”

“Should I? If you’re not comfortable talking about it, that’s totally okay. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t wanna.”

“No, it’s fine. You’re gonna hear about it eventually, shit spreads like wildfire at Klinkver. Long story short, they outed me to the entire school and thought that I was only friends with them to get in their pants. They basically told me to kill myself,” you added nonchalantly. “But that’s not the important part about this. They told me that they were the people that took those pictures of you.”

“...(Y/n), how could you say that’s not important! They fucked up your life and all you care about is my pictures? What’d they say they’d do with yours?”

“I asked them to not leak them until after the match tonight so you could have the spotlight. You deserve it after all the hard work you’ve put in to get team captain. Zuri was hard to beat and you deserve the recognition for that.”

You heard her take a deep breath through her nose, “(y/n), for once in your life care about yourself over others. You’re gonna be exposed to the entire school and it bothers me that you’re being so nonchalant about that.”

“They’ve put me through worse. Besides,” you wove a hand in the air, “it’ll all blow over sooner or later when another person gets their nudes leaked. You remember how fast people forgot about Marlene’s nudes when May’s got leaked like a week later.”

“Still, it’s degrading to have people see you like that. No matter how fast they get over it, it doesn’t change the fact that they’ve seen you. You can’t come back from that sweetheart.”

You felt your heart skip a beat at the nickname. Even if she called almost everybody that, you felt special. “I don’t care if people see my boobs, it wasn’t even a clear picture anyways. It was hella blurry.”

Your door swung open for the second time today. There stood Tommy, his eyes peering innocently at you. “Dad wanted me to tell you to hurry up.”

You smiled at him, “thank you buddy. Let him know I’ll be down in a minute. Oh, and thank you for the candy, it really made me happy.”

He beamed brightly before he sprinted down the stairs. “Was that Tommy? Is he gonna be at the match tonight?”

“Of course, he and Tubbo are our team’s mascots after all. They would never miss a game, especially our final match.”

“I can’t wait to see them, but we need to talk about this. It’s more serious than you paint it as. How are you not pissed at those dumbasses? You trusted them and they betrayed you.”

“Oh, believe me I’m furious. Heh, I’m actually kinda shaking right now because of how pissed I am. But for now, I’m just gonna imagine their faces on the ball so I can keep my mind off them until tomorrow.”

“...Please don’t tell me you’re gonna do something stupid tomorrow.”

“I wouldn’t call it stupid per se, they deserve it for what they put you through. It’s more getting justice than being stupid.”

“(Y/n), I swear to god if you start a fight just to get back at them for me, I’m gonna slap you. Think about yourself every once and a while, they put you through so much. If you feel comfortable, you’re gonna tell me everything they did to you tonight on the bus coming home.”

“So we’re gonna sit together?” You tried and failed to stomp the hopeful tone from your voice.

Her laugh sounded angelic in your ear, “of course we are silly, you’re my best friend. I gotta go, my dad’s calling me. I’ll talk to you later!”

“See ya!” When you hung up, you danced around your room with joy. You- no, they- didn’t ruin your friendship with Haley after all! Oh, you felt like your heart was going to burst out of your chest with joy. Even if she didn’t like you like you adored her, you still cherished your friendship. Looking back, Haley and the team always had your back, they genuinely cared about you. They were perhaps the only ones you would fully trust in the future. 

“(Y/N), HURRY UP YOU’RE GONNA BE LATE!” Tommy’s voice outside your door shook you from your happy dance. “Coming!”

You ran to the bathroom and hastily went through your routine. Despite your rushing, you tried your best to look presentable. You were going to prove those snakes wrong, you were beautiful no matter what you wore or how you looked.

After running down the stairs with your bag, your dad stopped you before you could run out the door with your keys. “You look nice today hun.”

“Thanks Dad, I just wanted to dress up a bit for finals today. I’m honestly really pumped to play tonight.”

“That’s good,” he smiled at you before pulling you into a quick hug. “Just take it easy today, you need to save your energy for the match tonight... Listen, I don’t know what happened to you this morning and I don’t know exactly what’s going on in your life right now, but just know that I’m always gonna be here for you. Whether you need help with homework, advice, or if you want me to beat up someone else’s dad for you,” he chuckled, “I’ll do it.” 

You closed your eyes and leaned into his touch, happy with the contact. You two stood in the hall for a moment before he pulled away and told you to leave for school. 

The drive to the school was uneventful with your brothers mainly holding up the conversation. As you pulled into the parking lot, you realized that you needed to catch up on two full days of stats homework.

“Hey Tech?” He hummed, looking over to you.

“Sorry, but would I be able to maybe copy your stats notes from Tuesday?”

“Yeah, I’ll give em to you so you can copy it before school starts. We’d have to go to Mr. Mullins for yesterday’s notes though. We can just ask him about it before school starts.”

As you pulled into a space and moved to leave the car, a hand stopped you. “(Y/n), if any of those two-faced bitches bother you at all, let us know. Don’t deal with this on your own, we’re here for you,” Wilbur said genuinely.

“Yeah, if they say anything bad about you, it’s on sight.”

You laughed, “thanks guys, I’ll let you guys know if they do anything. We gotta get going though if Tech and I wanna get those notes done.”

In the school, you and Techno successfully got your notes done before the first bell rang. The rest of class went by without a hitch with you actually somewhat understanding mostly everything being taught. You even got a question right when you were called on! Turns out not feeling weighed down by toxic people helps a lot with concentration.

The only block you were dreading was the second block. You were sure that if you even glanced at Annie and Adrian, you’d go apeshit on them. Luckily for them, they didn’t show up to class today. They were probably comforting Annie after you “manipulated” her, you thought with an eye roll. Today was just another work day, so you pulled out your laptop and opened Google Docs. You saw Annie’s and Adrian’s unfinished and you were slapped in the face with inspiration. 

They were still expecting you to finish their essays, so you were gonna finish them alright. You were going to completely rewrite their essays all about how they were terrible homophobes and how LGBT+ people are always facing some form of discrimination amongst their peers, complete with attached screenshots of them calling you slurs over text. You’d even write a little note at the beginning that would tell your teacher that they didn’t write this, but they made you write it so you deserved the credit for it. You didn’t care that this would take a while, the satisfaction that you would get would be worth it. This was going to completely screw up their grades, this essay was worth twenty five percent of your overall grade. Mr. Todd was really laid back, so he only had a few rules in the classroom. First was to respect your classmate’s time and work, second was to clean up after yourselves, and third (“the most important one” he said on the first day of school) was that he would never tolerate racism, sexism, transphobia, or homophobia in his classroom. Your masterpieces you were writing would definitely earn them a failing grade, a good scolding from Mr. Todd, and maybe a visit to the principal’s office. This would be first in a long line of gifts you have in mind for them. 

At lunch, you were slightly stumped as to where you should sit. You didn’t really know anybody in your lunch period, so you just sat at the empty table Adrian, Annie, and Sammy left for you today and ate while working on your masterpieces. Finding sources was extremely easy for you, you remembered doing extensive research about discrimination when you first found out that you weren’t the straight girl you thought you were. Luckily for you, you still had the old Google Doc full of sources you wanted to save for later. Thank you, freshman you. 

Third and fourth block went by relatively quickly, you completely finished the work in both classes with plenty of time left for you to continue typing up the essays. You had gotten Adrian’s completely done and Annie’s thesis written. Oh, revenge is sweet. You weren’t even done with what you had in store for them. 

You had their parent’s phone numbers and you got Adrian’s boss’ number from Marlene, who worked with him as a waitress. Annie’s parents were total sweethearts that would be absolutely fuming if you showed them what she said to you. You weren’t sure about Adrian’s or Sammy’s parents, but you were going to send them screenshots anyways. If Adrian’s parents were as bigoted as he was, you still had his boss to fall back on. You could email the screenshots to the principal and the athletic director so that you could have something to rely on if Sammy’s parents had the same beliefs as she did. She valued cross country more than everything, so you could fuck that up for her. Revenge never tasted so sweet to you before, it felt like you were high with how giddy you were. Techno and Wilbur were going to love this. 

Taglist (comment if you want to be added):

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@a-simp-for-block-people  @goldenstarofthunderclan  @laura--444  @sylumarts  @faceache111  @auroraskyfall  @kusuinko  @http-issaclahey  @angelic-scent  @multifandomgirl94  @mirios-sunflower  @lifestylesleep  @altwitchtrash  @queenbouncingjelly  @eieminia  @livie-bug82108  @cheybaee  @demure--daisy  @midnight-storm  @moonbaejpeg  @kiinokochii  @miavfx  @vilbur-s00t

#sbi x reader #sleepy bois x reader #sleepy bois inc x reader #philza x reader #jschlatt x reader #technoblade x reaer #wilbur soot x reader #tubbo x reader #tommyinnit x reader #mcyt #mcyt x reader #high school AU #sister reader #platonic #platonic fanfiction #x reader #toxic friends #panic attacks #revenge #tw: swearing #tw: panic attack #tw: homophobia #tw: f slur #tw: d slur #tw: toxic friendship #tw: attempted suicide #tw: bullying

[harleysarchive]

Among You and Me - Corpse x Reader Oneshot (part 2)

Fandom: Corpse, youtubers Warning: Profanity, a lot of swear words, fluffiness, quite long Pairing: Corpse x f!reader Summary: You and Corpse continues with your conversations and it makes you realize that you have feelings for each other. 

Requested

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After Corpse had followed you on instagram the two of you talked like nonstop for days. It almost felt like you had known him for years. You had the same humor and he talked about some horror stories he wanted to do and you thought they sounded cool - but not wanting to admit that they scared you as well. You talked about school and how stressed out you were for the essays and exams that were coming up soon.

“I have an exam next Wednesday so I will be off the internet the whole day :(“ you wrote and buried your head in your pillow. 

“That sucks big time.”

“It doesss.”

“Wait… Then you will miss my upcoming stream that day :(“

Shit, you thought. You really wanted to see his stream but right now you don’t have time for it. Which sucks even more than school.

“Probably, I’m sorry :(“ you said and locked your phone to get ready for school.

Corpse POV.

I read the message she sent again and didn’t know what to answer. My brain was so tired so it had problems with coming up with coherent replies. I was not prepared for how the feeling of hurt and sadness that came with that response.

Why did I react like this, of course she has other stuff to do than to watch my stream…

But I couldn’t shake the hurt feeling from my chest. Even though we only had talked for a couple of days it felt like we had known each other for longer than that. She felt like a close friend almost. And when she was with me on my streams, it reduced my anxiety and my nervousness to know that she was watching, somehow it eased my nerves a lot.

Why do I need you there with me to feel safe? he thought to himself and started to type in a response.

“It’s okay, nail those exams for me ;)” he hit send. Thoughts fucking exams that is keeping you away from my stream.

Wait, wait, where the fuck did that thought come from? 

I shook my head, trying to think about something else. I pressed on (Y/N)’s profile on instagram and started to go through her feed. There were some selfies, some pictures of nature and different places where she had been. Some pictures with friends and some with her family. I stopped on a specific selfie of her. She looked so beautiful on it, all I could do was to admire it - and her. Then I did something I thought I’d never do. I took a screenshot of the photo and saved it as my background on my phone.

I will never meet her so this won’t do any harm, I told myself before I fell asleep.

Your POV.

You threw your bag at the couch and fell down face first in the bed. School was killing you at the moment and it wasn’t better with the essays that were piling up on your schedule. You groaned into the pillow and then took up your phone, one message from instagram. You opened it and it was from Corpse. Your heart made a little extra jump everytime you saw the name appear, and that he had answered you. You smiled and read the text. 

“It’s okay, nail those exams for me ;)”

“I will try my best to ace them, just for you ;)” you felt bold writing the last part. But what the hell right? 

You hit send and waited for him to respond. He was probably asleep now, knowing his weird sleeping schedule. Not wanting to wait the whole day - it would drive you nuts and also give you thoughts like “what if I’m annoying or disturbing him?” “what if my message woke him up and he’ll get mad and never want to talk to me again?” “what if…” you know?

You opened your texted book and tried your hardest to study, but it was hard when your mind was constantly wanders away to Corpse - the man that has been on your mind all the time lately and you didn’t mind it really. 

Is it possible to fall in love with someone that you haven’t met? you thought. Because if it is so, then I’m fucked...

Corpse POV.

I must’ve slept for more than three hours for the first time in weeks because I almost didn’t feel dead. I looked over at my phone and I had two messages. One from Dave checking up on me and one from (Y/N). I checked (Y/N)’s message first.

“I will try my best to ace them, just for you ;)”

I got a warm feeling on my chest reading the last part, just for you. I liked that. I liked that a lot actually, more than I liked to admit to myself. I looked at my background picture and there she was smiling at me. Even though it was just a picture from instagram it felt like she smiled at me. And only to me. Some confidence sparked inside of me and I messaged her again.

“Can I get your number?”

Your POV.

You had taken a break from your studying and were watching Mark, Bob, Wade and Sean playing Phasmophobia. It was hilarious to watch. Your phone lit up and you had gotten a message from Corpse on instagram. 

“Can I get your number?”

You stared at the message, he wanted your number. Your thumbs were typing but were shaking so bad, all this kinds of emotions can’t be good for you. 

“Of course!” you typed and then wrote down your number to him. You hit send and bit nervously on your nails. Not long after you got a message from an unknown number.

Hey is this (Y/N)?

Yes is it! Corpse?

Oh thank god! I was nervous I had typed in it wrong and were messaging some weirdo.

You smiled at the two of you continued your conversations throughout the evening.

Some days later it was Wednesday and you had one of your exams. You were a little bit nervous but not a lot. You had tried your best to study, even with obvious distractions, and you had got some informations in your brain. 

Wish me luck on my exam! you send to Corpse, knowing fully that he was sleeping, it was early in the morning, or perhaps he hasn’t even gone to bed yet. Yoy got a ding on your phone.

Good luck (Y/N), not that you need it you are a smart girl. But I know that you are going to kill it 🖤

The heart in the end made your heart jump. 

How am I suppose to consentrate when he sends me stuff like that? 

The exam went like a dream, you knew all the answers to all the questions and it went by fast. You felt pleased with yourself and looked at the clock and it was just before noon. Corpse livestream had just begun!

If I grab a quick lunch I can get home before it is over! you thought to yourself and walked as fast as you could towards the school cafeteria and then straight home.

You made it just in the middle of the stream, they were playing Among Us and Corpse were super nervous. You felt bad for him because you knew that he was great at the game. He didn’t have to be so hard on himself. An idea popped up in your head. You donated 10$ to his stream and wrote:

“You are doing great Corpse and my exam went great ;) much love (Y/N)” 

Now you were just waiting to see if he will notice the message. 

Corpse POV.

My hands were shaking so bad, more than usual. It was normal for me to be nervous before and during a stream but today my nerves were going crazy. I was making rookie mistakes as a impostor, like wtf I am supposed to be the number one impostor here. 

Fuck I wish my hands would stop shaking so bad, why am I so nervous? Well I knew the answer to the question but I didn’t want to admit it to myself. (Y/N) wasn’t here watch and it sucked so bad. I felt lonely and anxious. I looked over at the chat and was that I had recieved a donation with a message.

“”You are doing great Corpse and my exam went great ;) much love (Y/N)” Why thank you-... Wait a minute, (Y/N)?” my voiced cracked at the end of the sentence and I am sure someone caughed up with my surprised and overly excited tone. I took up my phone and texted her fast.

Please tell me that was you who wrote that.

I waited and I saw the three dots going of, not helping with my anxiety one bit.

Yes it was me, I finished much earlier with my exam than I anticipated, so I hurried home to see your stream. 

My heart became all warm over her message and I didn’t even notice that I had held my breath before I let out a huge sigh. She hurried home to watch me. My hands were shaking but not over my nervousness, but from excitement and, i don’t know happiness maybe. Three dots appeared again on the screen.

I couldn’t leave you alone when I know how nervous you get when you’re streaming.

Fuck... That sentence made me fall over the edge, if I haven’t already. I am falling for (Y/N) and I haven’t even met her... 

Yet.

A/N: Upon many requests, here is part two! It made me so happy to see all the comments on my first oneshot and how well recieved it got. Thank you all so freaking much! :D

Tags:

@annshit @artist-bby @polahorvat @wibblytimey @sadlysober @usuie12 @lunaruss @yeolliedokai @fanworrior @kirislut @deathcompass @pillowjj @simonsbluee @reddeserths  

#corpse husband #corpse #corpse husband x reader #corpse x reader #corpse_husband #corpse_husband x reader #corpse imagine #corpse imagines #imagine #imagines #harleysarchive #youtuber imagine #youtuber x reader #youtuber imagines

[k3rm1e]

heyo!! i was wondering if you would mind writing hc’s for a reader who just had a major accomplishment but their parents don’t really congratulate them or anything, and then philza celebrates with them instead and tells reader how proud he is. i kinda want some dadza comfort rn :’) anyway, thank you sm!! have a great day <3

accomplishments

heyo!! i was wondering if you would mind writing hc’s for a reader who just had a major accomplishment but their parents don’t really congratulate them or anything, and then philza celebrates with them instead and tells reader how proud he is. i kinda want some dadza comfort rn :’) anyway, thank you sm!! have a great day <3

hello anon! i’m sorry i took a while to answer this. i went a bit off track with this and got A LOT more angsty, so i’m really sorry about that. If you want me to make a much more fluffier or mellowed-out version, i’d be happy to. please, read the trigger warnings before reading this.

i don’t plan on writing more angst-y things like this, especially not this angsty, so don’t worry. once again, please, if you would like me to rewrite this into a less emotional version i’d be happy to

cw: swearing

tw: talk of god and the church, slight manipulation, repetition of words

accomplishments:

  holy shit. you were in disbelief. a state of shock. one million twitch followers. one. million. followers. you were silent. shock can have many effects on a person. some scream and laugh out of joy, or a misplaced sense of mania. others cry, because they cannot handle it. some remain confused, because their brains are unable to conceptualize the event. you were silent.

  what should you do? would a “thank you” tweet be good enough or would it come off as insincere? should you wait to stream? or would that make people feel you didn’t care because you took so long? through the anxiety you could feel the true realization that you now had one million followers. like a truck, you were hit with the most excited feeling ever. getting up, you jumped around your room. you spun and jumped and cheered and whooped and yelled and smiled and danced and were overflowing with joy, with the acknowledgement that you had done it, you had really fucking done it. 

  opening the window above your desk, without a single fuck, you screamed. “WHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! FUCK YEAH!!!!!!” let’s just hope your neighbors don’t wake up.

  you stayed up all night, celebrating. tweeting out a thank you, you received congratulations from your fans and friends while you talked with the people in your discord vcs.

  in the morning, your mother and father had woken up. with a newfound determination, you ran downstairs. streaming was your passion and you wanted to tell the world what you had done. but, because of limitations, your mother was your metaphorical world.

  “mom! mom! mom! mother, mother, mumther!!” you shouted, dashing down the stairs, tripping over your feet. stupid wood flooring and slidy socks.

  from your place at the bottom of the stairs, you heard her sigh, “yes, sweetie?”

  you bounded over to her, setting your arms on the kitchen counter. from the hallway you could see your dad, who was sitting on the couch drinking his sunday morning coffee. “mom! guess what?” without giving her time to respond, you shouted, “i hit one million follows on twitch! one freaking million!”.

  your mother didn’t seem as enthusiastic as you. “is that why you were causing such a ruckus last night? and, watch your mouth, even though ‘freaking’ isn’t a ‘true’ curse, i don’t want you swearing. especially not on the lord’s day. i couldn’t fathom going to church everyday, only to allow you to have a mouth like that.” she continued to stare at her work papers.

  “oh, uh, okay mother. dad? did you hear me? i hit one million on twitch.” you awkwardly turned your head over to your father.

  “she’s right, you know that, don’t you sweetie?” your father stood up, and made his way into the kitchen. “language like that, it’s shameful. surely, we don’t need you to have a private session with father paulson, do we?” your dad stood next to your mother, rubbing her back as he stared at you.

  “no, no, of course not. um, i’m gonna go upstairs now.” you turned around, wishing you could simply disappear.

  “without breakfast? are you truly that upset with us? we can’t have you ending up like those people, committing sinful acts and going to hell. god would never forgive you. we’re already taking a risk allowing you to stream, putting yourself out there.”

  both your mother and father stared at you. your blood felt like ice in your veins. the white walls of your house seemed so much brighter, yet duller at the same time. everything felt a white-pure-pink-orange. your breathing got uneasy. choppy. in, out, out, in, in, in, out, in, in, out, out for different increments of time. 5, 3, 2, 7, 10, 9, 6, 4, 1, 6, 8, seconds, over and over and over.

  “we just wanna protect you, dear. we love you, don’t you get that?” your mother stared at you.

  you felt like a scene in those movies. the ones that directly cater to teens who thought their lives were shit when in reality they just hadn’t grown up enough to make sense of something yet. were you one of those teens? or is this actually wrong. you don’t think it is, but you don’t talk to others about this. family matters stay in the family was a common phrase repeated in your household. the church was family, they could know. your mother and father, they could know. others, they must not know, never know.

  “of course, mother, father.” you wanted to force yourself to speak, but syllables were incapable of getting past your lips. your mouth was full of peanut butter from the sandwiches served in your elementary school cafeteria. but, the partly frozen chocolate milk always washed it down. “of course. i love you guys too. love you.” you smiled, a disgusting smile that felt violating to exist on your face, violating, violating, violating.

  you dashed up the stairs, to your room, up, up, up. running in, you wanted to slam the door, scream out the window, puch your pillow, smash your pc, cry, whatever you could do to get out your emotions. but instead, you lightly shut your door and slowly walked over to your desk chair to see who was online. you would go live later. it was only 5 AM, after all. they could wait. at least, you hoped they could.

  opening discord, just to see what everyone was doing, you saw philza minecraft was online. you went over and messaged him, ‘phil. philza. philza minecraft. vc please?’ in response, you received a short, ‘sure m8, gimme a minute’ you waited, until you heard the noise confirming he had joined.

  “good morning phil.” your energy from before had receded back into the confines of your chest. the prior excitement was gone and replaced with a feeling of fatigue.

  “morning mate, how are you? congrats on the one mill!” phil sounded excited, happy for you. you smiled, chuckling a bit.

  “i’m alright man, just tired. how are you? and, thanks for the congrats.” you smiled, feeling the fatigue set in.

  “i’m good. but you, you don’t sound very good. couldn’t sleep, could ya’? that was how i was when i hit one mill. way too excited to sleep.”

  “yeah. yeah, i’m just tired.” you were getting a bit too tired to talk. the day had barely started, and yet the full-body emotional exhaustion had set.

  “‘just tired’? the hell happened kid?” phil’s voice sounded concerned. fuck. the last thing you wanted to do was worry him. he had his own life and you had already caused enough trouble today.

  “it’s nothing big phil, seriously. just my parents.” there, a slight bit of information. family matters still within the family, just a few words.

  “they being shitbirds? or are you lying, and something big did happen?” he was being inquisitive, which was dangerous. questions were dangerous.

  “no, why would i lie?” his inquisitiveness would continue, you knew. so you spilled the metaphorical beans. “they just, just weren’t as supportive as i’d wished they were when i told them. i was really psyched, y’know? and them, just sort of, not giving a shit? i don’t know man, it just feels bad.”

  “i get you. it’s shit, when people don’t care about your accomplishments. my parents never really saw streaming as a true profession in the beginning, which led to shit like you describing. i promise it gets better though, even if it feels like shit now. and, for what it’s worth, i’m proud of you.”

  “it’s fine phil, you don’t need to try to make me feel better. i’m okay, seriously.” you didn’t need or want his pity. accepting it would feel patronizing.

  “no, you need to understand that i’m not fucking around. one million is a big fuckin’ thing, especially for you who hasn’t been streaming all that long to achieve. it’s fucking amazing, mate. be proud of yourself, for christ’s sake.” his fake anger chimed through your headphones. even though you were being berated, you still felt better.

  “thank you, phil. i needed that.”

  “your welcome, mate. and look, anytime your parents are being shit, don’t try to hold it all in. call me, or wil, or someone, okay? don’t hold that shit in.”

  you fake sighed, just to piss him off. “okayyyyyy….”

  “good. now, go take a nap or some shit. i love you, kid.”

  “love you too, dadza.” this time, your words didn’t feel forced. the smile on your face wasn’t violating, but an invitation to better times. it would be alright. okay.

#mcyt x reader #mcyt x reader angst #philza x reader

[backtobackbakubabe]

Speak Easy

Bakugo x Reader , Dabi x Reader

Reader has a siren quirk and has spent the past several years of her life as a captive being experimented on by "heroes" Now that she's out she needs protection and safe place to heal. Who will be the one to put her pieces back together?

Words: 2738

Masterlist

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You tried and failed to lift your head. This should alarm you, but it was something you had unfortunately gotten used to over the past… how long had you been here? You couldn’t even say. Maybe a year, give or take? But it honestly felt like a lifetime. You could hardly remember your life before. Back when you had a life, friends, family, a promising future. Now you were nothing more than property to some secret fucked up government funded hell.

You spent most days in a drugged-out haze. They liked to remind you that it was your own fault. All you had to do was cooperate, now you had to face the consequences of your stubbornness. But those hazy days were by the far the best. Those days it was easy to let the darkness take you and dream about what your life would be like if you hadn’t ended up here. You can still see the soft smile of Todoroki as he helped you study. You could feel the warmth of Kirishima’s hugs. You could hear the quit mumbling of Midoriya as he scribbled in one of his many notebooks. You could smell the most intoxicating mix of smoke and caramel as you and Bakugo trained. You wondered what your friends where up to now. Did they miss you? Did they still think about you?

The other days though… they sucked. They were filled with needles and experiments. Always forcing you to use your quirk on some poor helpless person. Always trying to find a way to use your quirk without your permission.

Compliance was key. Just do what they ask, when they ask, and do it right. Any kind of mistake whether it was intentional or not was seen as insubordination. At first you tried to be sneaky about it, thinking that if anything they would just punish you. But you soon found out that they not only punished you, but the person you were meant to be using your quirk on. It was better for everyone to just submit.

You’ve always hated your quirk. People tended to avoid you, scared of what you had the potential to do. No one understood that just because you had the ability to do something, didn’t mean you were likely to do it. It wasn’t until you got to UA and finally made some friends that you started to appreciate you quirk.

They called you Siren… like the mythical creature. You could control and manipulate people using the five senses. If they looked you in the eyes you could see into their head, and their private thoughts. You could hypnotize them with just your voice. You could paralyze them if they tasted your blood. Your smell…. was quite the aphrodisiac. As for skin to skin contact, it helped you share and feel emotions and sometimes even pain.

None of that mattered if you didn’t activate your quirk though. You could live your life just like everyone else. You didn’t just walk around every day controlling people like puppets. It didn’t stop the fear that festered in the hearts of the public though. Your biggest mistake was deciding you wanted to be a hero. You wanted so badly to prove to everyone that you weren’t the monster they thought you were.

You could have lived your life off the radar. But once you took part in the sports festival there was no chance at that. Civilians complained about how you had a villains quirk, how you shouldn’t be allowed to walk the streets unsupervised, let alone be given a hero license.

So, when there was only one agency willing to give you a job after graduation you jumped on it. They told you, they planned to utilize you in most recon and interrogation missions. Which made perfect sense given your skill set. They were going to train you to be the perfect spy.

At first it was normal for you to be gone for weeks or months at a time, with no contact with your friends. They understood you had top secret stuff to handle and always looked forward to hearing your stories when you got back. But the longer you worked there, the sketchier the missions got. Tracking bad guys turned into tailing fellow heroes. Interrogating criminals turned into “persuading” politicians. The last straw though… they had asked you to start sleeping with targets. The ultimate honey pot.

You started to be more vocal about your disapproval. You should have known better.

Now this is your life. Strapped to a bed, drugged up, and used as they pleased. You almost always had on a blindfold and gag. Except for when you had to “work” you lived your life in darkness, you lived your life in silence, you lived your life in solitude.

Your neck itched and bled under your collar. The humiliating thing was what kept you under their control. It acted as a shock collar, a tracking device, and it also monitored and recorded all of your vitals. They have to keep you alive after all.

You heard the familiar buzz of the electric lock on your door, signaling that someone was about to walk in. You felt anxiety bubble up inside you. Just remember the rules. Just behave and you’ll be fine.

You could hear quick quiet footsteps step into the room and your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. After all the time you’ve spent here you had gotten really good at telling everyone apart by the sounds of their footsteps.

“Shit, what did they do to you?”

You felt tears well up and your hands began to shake. You’d know that voice anywhere, even if it sounded strained and emotional. It was Bakugo.

Warm hands pulled your blindfold off, quickly followed by your gag. Your hands jerked in their restraints as you tried to reach for him.

“Hey, its okay we’re here now. But you need to calm down. Your heart beats all over the place. They’ll know something’s up.” His hand smoothed your dirty hair out of your face. You could see the pain and disgust painted on his face.

You wanted to say something. To thank him. Anything. But you were in shock. You were also terrified this was a trick. What if they were testing you? So, you just stared at him with glossy eyes as he continued to free you.

He made quick work of the rest of your restraints, leaving only the heinous collar. He gave you a sympathetic look. “This is going to hurt, and I’m really sorry about that. But I have to get it off before we leave.” He cupped your cheeks in his hands, “Are you ready?”

Without breaking eyes contact you nodded silently. This was the first time someone has willingly made eye contact with you in months. You could almost drown in his vermillion eyes.

His hands moved from your cheeks to the collar on your neck, “One… Two…” Without waiting for three, as impatient as ever, he set off several small explosions that busted the bulky metal collar to pieces, but not without burning a thick ring around your neck.

You winced in pain, but you still made no sound. It was like there was still some part of you that was scared to break the rules. To speak without permission. Before you could even start to think about how messed up you were, Bakugo was scooping you up. He sprinted through the door and was racing down the halls. You wondered why there were no alarms going off. This seemed to easy. This had to be a trap, or maybe a dream. You felt yourself start to shake in his arms.

One of his hands wound through your hair. “Hey it’s okay. We’re almost out. The others are waiting for us. I just need you to keep your shit together for a little while longer okay.”

Before you knew it, he was kicking a door down and all the sudden you were outside. You gasped as you felt the cold rain hit your skin. You blinked in surprise at how bright it was, despite the fact that the sun was hardly even up yet.

A van screeched to a halt in front of you and the door slid open just in time for Bakugo to jump in. “WE’RE GOOD! GET US OUT OF HERE!”

The door slammed shut and the Van lurched forward.

You were now sitting in Bakugo’s lap clinging to his shirt as silent tears slid down your cheeks. You could hear the voices of Todoroki and Kirishima coming from the front of the van, but you couldn’t understand what they were saying. You just clung tighter to Bakugo and continued to sob.

“I don’t know. She hasn’t said a word since I found her. I think she’s in shock.” His fingers tangled in your hair while the other hand rubbed circles on your back.

At some point you must have cried yourself to sleep. When you woke up you were in clean clothes, curled up on a soft couch.

You could hear voices coming from somewhere behind you.

“I know I don’t like it either, but we don’t really have any other options. We have no idea who’s on what side. Outside of the people here right now, who can we honestly say we trust enough to protect her?” You had never heard Midoriya sounds so rough and defeated. “She’s in no condition to look after herself and we can’t help. Not right now.”

You could hear pacing behind the couch, “You weren’t there. You didn’t see what they were doing to her. It was…. Sick a-and twisted. I say we take them down and ask questions later.” Bakugo only stuttered when he felt helpless, which wasn’t often.

“Bakugo you know we can’t do that. They may borderline evil, but officially on paper they are heroes. It’s a hero agency after all. If we attack that makes us villains, best case vigilantes. Both of which result in us ending up in Tartarus.”

“Okay and? You’re trying to hand her over to villains anyway!” You kept your eyes closed as Bakugo leaned over and pulled a blanket over you.

“I don’t know if I would consider my brother a villain. At least not anymore.” Todoroki sounded tired. “Ever since we… reunited… we’ve had a don’t ask don’t tell policy. But I keep tabs anyway. He’s still shady, but he’s not working with villains anymore. If anything, we have more in common now than before. He’s my brother but he’s also a dick. He doesn’t really care about heroes and villains anymore. He just doesn’t like people in general.”

You stiffened. Were they talking about Dabi? Why would they trust him? Wasn’t he one of the villains that kidnapped Bakugo?

“You say he doesn’t like people, so why do think he’ll even help?” Bakugo was making his way around to sit on the end of the couch, gently moving your feet into his lap. He seemed to calm down once his hand found your calf.

It was quite for a while before Todoroki sighed, “Because unlike the rest of you… my brother and I know what it feels like to be an experiment. He won’t let anything happen to her. Villain or hero, he doesn’t care. He has no rules or code of ethics to follow. He’s our best option here Bakugo and you know it.”

You couldn’t take this anymore. All these guys sitting around deciding your future as if you weren’t sitting right here.

You slowly sat up, pulling your legs away from Bakugo. You blinked as you looked around the small room. Todoroki and Midoriya were sitting as a large wooden table that was littered with files and paper.

You blushed when you realized everyone was looking at you now, yet the silence persisted. Were they waiting on you to say something? You cleared your throat and winced at how dry it was. “Oi! Get her some fucking water, would you?”

You nodded your head in thanks as Midoriya handed you a bottle of water before taking a seat on the floor in front of you. “Listen y/n. None of us can even begin to try and understand what you’ve been through the past few years. It might be a while before you are ready and that’s okay. But when you are, please know we are here to listen and help in any way we can. Any information you can give us on what happened, what they are doing there, will be helpful in making sure we take them down.”

You nodded as your grip tightened on the water bottle. They wanted information. But what information could you possibly have that could be helpful. You spent almost the entire time drugged, blind, and chained to a bed. Your heart began the thud against your chest at the memories.

Bakugo was quick to scoot over. He didn’t touch you, but he wanted you to know he was there. “Hey it’s okay. Like he said. No one’s asking you to say anything right now.”

Todoroki grabbed something off of the table in front of him before strolling over to hand it to you. “Here. I noticed you are having some difficulty speaking. Given what you’ve been through it’s not really a surprise. So, you can use this to get your thoughts out. Whether they be private or not. It might be good to just get things off of your chest.”

Again, you nodded as you took the leather-bound notebook from Todoroki. You flipped to the first page and traced the empty lines with you hand. You opened your mouth to say thank you but were shocked to find that you couldn’t make yourself do it. You hadn’t been allowed to speak in the labs. Not unless given permission, which was hardly ever.

You glanced around to the other men, gesturing with you hand that you needed something to write with. Of course, Midoriya, Mr. Takes notes on everything had several pencils in his pocket.

You wrote the following:

Thank you. For everything. I didn’t think anyone was coming for me. I don’t know why I can’t speak, but it’s probably because of the rules.

Bakugo read over your shoulder as you attempted to show the other two men. “Rules? What rules?”

You sighed and gripped your pencil tighter to the point of almost breaking.

I will not look anyone in the eyes without permission.

I will not speak unless spoken to.

I will not touch anything, or anyone without consent.

I will do as I am told without resistance.

I will remember this is the consequence of my actions.

You turned the notebook so they could see and you could feel the tension rising in the room. You almost jumped out of your skin when Todoroki’s phone chimed.

He quickly walked away to answer it, giving Midoriya a nervous look as he did.

You turned to look at the angry man sitting next to you. His eyebrows furrowed and his fists were clinched. Finally, his eyes left the notebook and met yours. “Hey I just… I just want you to know I’m sorry.” You gave him a confused look, but he pushed on not waiting for you to question him. “I’m sorry it took me so long to realize something was wrong. I’m sorry I couldn’t find you sooner…I- fuck- I’m so sorry this happened to you.”

You went to put your hand on his shoulder but paused right before you made contact. He growled as he gripped you hand and put it on his shoulder for you. “You aren’t there anymore y/n. There’s no more rules.” His fingers found your chin as he guided you to look at him. Your eyes widened and you gulped. “I don’t know how much of that conversation you heard earlier. But I promise I’m not going to let anything happen to you. I’ll check in with you as often as I can. If Todoroki says we can trust him… then I guess we’ll just have to trust Todoroki.”

You tried your best to give him a reassuring smile, but in all honesty it felt more like a grimace.

Todoroki walked back in shoving his phone in his pocket. “Okay he’s on his way. We have probably about fifteen minutes. Let’s get ready to move.”

#bakugo #bakugo katsuki #bakugo x reader #bakugo x y/n #mha #my hero acadamy #dabi bnha #dabi x reader

[24hlevi]

Happier

Part 2 of “She No Longer Needs Me”

Mikasa Ackermann X Fem!Reader

Annie Leonhart X Fem!Reader

Genre: Angst, Slight Fluff

Summary: After finally overcoming her heartbreak, Y/n finds new true love with Annie. When Mikasa finds out after she realized she was wrong about Eren, Y/n has already chosen Annie. Just like she chose Eren.

Word Count: 2.9k

A/N: Italics means flashbacks, so i combined 3 requests into 1 so i hope that’s alright

Season 4 Ep 1-8 and Manga Spoilers !!

It had been almost a year since you had last talked to Mikasa and Armin, since you already didn’t like talking to Eren. Yes, you stopped talking to Armin as well once you found out that he had lied to you about Mikasa and Eren’s relationship. You just couldn’t believe that one of your best friends who was always so sweet to you would lie about something like cheating. Truthfully, you didn’t want to believe it. The feeling of betrayal still rested inside of you despite getting over everything. But it wasn’t all just you that you had to help get over it all. 

You had decided to stay back from going back on the front lines after everything, not even wanting to see any of the trio’s faces while on the battlefield because you knew you would probably get eaten by a titan from lack of focus. You stayed back at the HQ and got to get to know other Scouts and even a few of the others from different regiments. 

During that time while you were stuck at the HQ, you had often visited Annie, despite her still being in her crystal that she had built around herself. You talked to her, not knowing if she could even hear you, but you didn’t care. You two had talked quite a bit while in the Cadet Corps before finding out she was the Female Titan, but even then you could care less because you saw who she really was, which was not what everyone made her out to be. You talked about everything that would happen, including your heartbreak that Mikasa had caused because you knew she wouldn’t reply and that you wouldn’t be judged for anything you would say. 

One day, you were sitting on the ground in front of Annie who was still stuck in the crystal, talking to her like usual when the unbelievable happened. 

“You know, Hitch is so annoying sometimes. Always asking me what I talk to you about.” You grumbled out, looking at the ground. You looked up and at the girl in front of you and let out a small sigh, “When will you ever come out of there, Annie?”

You got no response, as usual. You stood up from your spot and dusted off your pants, looking at Annie, “Well. Whenever you wanna stop being stuck in that crystal, I’ll be here.” You smiled slightly. 

You turned around and were about to start walking towards the door when you heard something crack. Turning your head around slowly, your eyes widened upon seeing the crystal beginning to crack open. “Oh shit, Oh shit, Oh shit.” You said quickly, looking around frantically. 

When the crystal fully broke apart, all you could do was stare in shock. Annie opened her eyes and glanced around before her eyes landed on you, “Y/n?” 

“Oh my god, you’re alive!” You exclaimed, rushing up to the girl. “Are you okay?” 

“Yes, I’m alive. And I’m fine.” Annie replied, taking a step forward and looking around. “Where are we?”

“Underneath the HQ, where you’ve been for the past 4 years.” You answered. 

“Oh.” That was all that left her mouth as she looked back at you. “You know, I heard everything you said.” 

You looked at her with even wider eyes than before as your jaw dropped, “What?!”

“This whole time I’ve heard everything.” The blonde girl said nonchalantly. “You should really get better friends.” 

“Gee, thanks. Like I don’t know that already.” You rolled your eyes, crossing your arms over your chest. 

“So, what’s going to happen to me now?” Annie asked you. 

“Well, I’ll probably have to ask Hi-” “Y/n times up- HOLY SHIT!” Hitch cut you off when she walked inside the room and saw Annie, looking at you both in shock. “You didn’t tell me she got out?!”

“I was about to if you wouldn’t have interrupted.” You sighed. 

You didn’t notice that Annie wasn’t even looking at Hitch, but instead was looking at you. But Hitch noticed and she looked between you two for a few seconds before nodding, “Right, I’ll leave you two to it for a bit. But at supper, I’ll have to come back because I’ll need to tell Commander Nile.” She smiled at you two, winking at you before walking out the door. 

You had no clue why Hitch let you and Annie talk for pretty much the rest of the day until supper, but you decided to not question it. But when you would go to visit Annie after she got out of the crystal, Hitch wouldn’t even let you ask her, she would just say to go in before you even opened your mouth, which you thought was also odd. 

When you decided to confront Hitch about the odd things she was doing, she blatantly told you that Annie had obviously liked you. 

“Y/n, are you that stupid?” Hitch asked you. “Obviously I’m doing it because Annie likes you!”

You stared at the girl in front of you with shock, “You’re joking.” 

“Oh my god, you are that stupid.” Hitch sighed, rubbing her two temples with her fingers. “Okay look. Obviously, I knew Annie when we were both starting in the Military Police before she did that crystal thing but she talked about you a lot, so I know she likes you. And after you coming here every day just to talk to someone who wouldn’t reply to you, I’d say you do as well.” 

“What?! I don’t like her!” You argued with the blonde. You didn’t want to admit it, but you had begun to feel something about Annie that wasn’t just friendly. But after what happened with Mikasa, you were scared that it was going to happen again, and you didn’t want to go through that much pain again.

“You clearly do.” Hitch rolled her eyes at you. She then grabbed your shoulders and looked you dead in the eyes. “Y/n, I can guess that you’re scared of going into a new relationship because of what happened with Mikasa, but Annie isn’t a bad person and we both know that. So I say to shoot your shot.” 

After that talk, you had realized that you did in fact have a crush on the titan shifter. So what did you do? 

You walked down the stairs that led to the dungeon where there were a few cells for the people the military had decided to keep locked up if they were a danger. You had decided that today would be the day that you would tell Annie what you felt, and you hoped that it wouldn’t end badly because you did not want to deal with another tragic heartbreak.

You held the keys in your hand since it didn’t take long to convince Hitch to help you get them once you explained to her why.

You made your way to the last cell where Annie was at and you saw her sitting on the worn-out mattress. You knocked your knuckles on one of the bars and the blonde looked up immediately before speaking, “Hello, Y/n.” 

“Hey, Annie.” You smiled a bit, unlocking the cell door with the keys in your hand. 

Annie noticed rather quickly that you were unlocking the door and she raised an eyebrow, looking at you, “What are you doing?”

You opened the door and walked inside the small cell, “Oh, well I may or may not have gotten Hitch’s help to get me these keys so I could actually talk to you without bars between us.” You chuckled lightly, trying to fight off the anxiety that was rushing through your body. 

“Oh.” That was all that came out of Annie’s mouth, and she looked back at the mattress. 

“You okay?” You asked, “You look out of it.” 

“I’m fine.” The blonde replied with no emotion evident in her voice. 

You looked at the girl quietly with confusion. She hasn’t acted like this since the first day she came out of the crystal, and you didn’t know what to do. You took a deep breath and walked towards her, stopping in front of the bed, “There’s a specific reason why I’m here, Annie. And I really don’t want to fuck up so can you please just look at me?” 

Annie complied and looked up and at you and she easily caught on that you were nervous. “You okay?” She asked you.

You nodded quickly, “Yeah, I’m okay. Anyways I need to tell you something.” 

The blonde nodded, already knowing what you were going to say just from how nervous you looked and how you spoke. “Okay.” 

“Okay so there may be a small possibility that uh well I guess I uhm have feelings for yo-” You were cut off by feeling a pair of lips smashed against your own. Your eyes widened at the sudden action but when Annie cupped your face with her hands you relaxed into her touch and kissed back.

Annie pulled away and rested her forehead against yours, “I have feelings for you too.”

You and Annie had then started dating from that moment on. With only Hitch knowing since you knew you would get a severe punishment for being with the Female Titan. You two would spend all your time with one another and make the most out of Annie being stuck on the dungeon, but it was nice since it was usually just you two in there. You would bring her all her meals along with your own so you both could eat together and she didn’t complain one bit. 

You walked down the hallways and made your way to where Hitch was standing in front of the door that led down to the dungeon. When Hitch turned her head and saw you she smiled, “Ah, Y/n! Coming back to see your girl, I assume?” 

“What else would I be doing?” You chuckled lightly. 

“Very true.” Hitch nodded with a laugh before opening the door and tossing you the keys to the cells, “Dungeon’s all yours.” 

“Thanks, Hitch.” You patted her shoulder as you walked by, making your way down the stairs. You walked to the last cell and smiled when you saw Annie, you unlocked the cell door and walked inside resulting in Annie looking up and smiling once she saw it was you. 

She got up off the bed and walked over to you, hugging you and putting her head in the crook of your neck, “Hi, love.” 

“What’s this for?” You asked with a chuckle, wrapping your arms around her slim waist. 

“I just missed you.” Annie mumbled into your neck, taking in your scent that she loved. 

Feeling her hot breath hit your neck made a shiver run down your back as you smiled still, “Awe my baby missed me?” 

A blush spread on Annie’s face as she just nodded, not wanting to show her flustered face. 

You let out another chuckle and pulled away from the hug, walking over to the small bed and laying down on it and holding your arms out wide for her. The girl smiled and laid down next to you, wrapping her arms around you and laying her head on your chest, and  tangling your legs. You ran your hand through her blonde hair softly, laying there in complete silence and peace. 

“Y/n?” Annie spoke quietly. 

“Yeah?” You replied, glancing down at her. 

“I love you.” She said to you. 

“I love you too, Annie.” You kissed her forehead.

...

Mikasa practically ran throughout the whole HQ trying to find you. She had searched everywhere and she didn’t know where else you could possibly be. She spotted Hitch and quickly rushed towards her.

“Hitch. Tell me where Y/n is.” Mikasa demanded, looking at the blonde girl with a look of worry and urgency.

Hitch’s eyes widened and she quickly shook her head, “I can’t tell you that, Mikasa.” 

Mikasa glared harshly at the girl and grabbed the collar of her shirt, pulling her towards herself, “Hitch. Tell me.”

“She’sinthedungeon!” Hitch said so fast it sounded like it was all one word. “But don’t get pissed about what you might see.” She added afterward. 

“The hell do you mean ‘don’t get pissed’?” Mikasa let go of Hitch but her glare remained.

“Just find out for yourself. I really don’t want to be the one to tell you.” Hitch said before walking away at a fast pace. 

Mikasa stared at Hitch walking away with confusion before opening the door to the stairs that would lead down to the dungeon. She made her way down the stairs and begun to walk past the cells, looking inside each one to find you. The raven-haired girl continued to walk until she ended up at the last cell and the sight she saw made her boil over the edge upon seeing you with Annie on the small bed, cuddling. “What. The. Fuck.” Mikasa spat out angrily. To say she was angry would be an understatement, she was beyond angry, she was fuming to see you with the one girl she thought would never break out of the crystal. Even worse, the enemy. 

You shot up when you heard Mikasa’s voice and Annie did the same, “What the fuck do you want, Ackermann?” The blonde snapped. 

“What the hell is this?” Mikasa gestured to you two. “I’m risking my life to take down the enemy and you’re what, dating one now?” She glared at you. 

“She is not an enemy.” You retorted. 

“You know damn well she is.” Mikasa snarled. 

“Says the one who’s on Eren’s side when he’s a psychopath and we all know it.” Annie got off the bed and walked towards Mikasa. “So what, you’re upset that your ex has found someone better than you?”

Mikasa opened her mouth to reply but you had gotten up and walked up to the cell bars beside Annie and you set your hand on her shoulder, speaking before the raven-haired girl could get the chance, “It’s fine, baby. Let me handle this, please.” 

The blonde girl let out a sigh but nodded anyway, “Fine.”

You looked back at Mikasa who was looking at you two with a mix of anger and what seemed to be a hint of sadness, “Look, Mikasa. I don’t know what you want, but don’t come in here and talk to me for the first time in almost a year and start shit with my girlfriend.” You told her. 

Mikasa looked at you with shock before looking down, “I know I messed up. But you have to understand, you were right about Eren. He...He started a war with the Marleyans. And Sasha is...she’s gone.” The girl said quietly.

Your eyes widened when you heard her words about Sasha and anger quickly rushed through you, “Sasha is dead? Let me guess, It was Eren’s fault. And I bet none of you did anything to stop it from happening.” You spat at her. “How could you let Sasha fucking die?!”

“Yes, it was Eren’s fault. He told us to come and help him, and we did. But some kids who are warrior candidates climbed aboard using our ODM gear and shot Sahsa. We tried to stop the bleeding...But more and more poured out as we tried to bandage her up. She died on the airship.” Mikasa’s tone didn’t change as it was still quiet and filled with sadness and regret. 

“Warrior candidates?” You questioned. “You mean you pissed off the best of the best and didn’t expect them to seek revenge?”

Mikasa shook her head slowly, “Everyone thought we had won, at least that battle.” She looked up and back at you, “But you have to listen to me, I know I was wrong. I shouldn’t have done any of the things that I did to you that hurt in the past, and I regret it. But you have to realize you’ll only get yourself killed if you’re with her.” 

You rolled your eyes at her words and shook your head, “No Mikasa, you have to realize that you chose Eren over me. You have to live with that decision. I’ve moved on.” 

“You fell for the enemy,” Mikasa argued. “You know it’s bound to happen that she’ll betray you.”

“Just like you betrayed me?” You shot back at her. 

Mikasa fell silent and looked back at the ground, not responding after that for a few moments. She looked back at you with tears in her eyes, “I’m sorry.”

“If you were really sorry you wouldn’t be telling me that Annie would hurt me like you did. Just leave us alone, Mikasa.” You sighed at the end. 

The girl looked between you and Annie, before nodding, “I’ll leave you alone if that’s what you want.” She took a step away from the cell bars before continuing, “I just want you to know that I really am sorry. And so is Armin.” A tear fell down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away with her hand before turning and walking away from the both of you. 

You wouldn’t know it, but Mikasa had just gotten her heart broken just like Eren did to her, only worse and she didn’t even know why. She thought she had moved on from you, but after seeing you with a new lover, it made her heart clench. She felt an immense amount of jealousy, but she knew that you weren’t hers anymore, and you never would be again. 

#attack on titan #aot #shingkei no kyojin #snk #aot x reader #attack on titan x reader #snk x reader #mikasa ackerman #mikasa ackerman x reader #annie leonhart #annie leonhart x reader

[mello-jello]

CAN I REQURST LRBI SYAIGN I LOBE YOU TO HANEG FOR THE FIRDY ITME?? 🌻🌻🤲🤲💨

ILOBEYOUSOMIHXTHATIAMVEINGSOFTFORYOU,PLEASEANYHTIGNYOUWRITEORDRAWAREABSOLTELYAMAZING,HABEANICEDSYBRO

I LOBE YUO MOON BRO 🌻

Okay… Okay, it’s okay. It’s just Levi, there’s no need to be afraid.

Hange’s parents were out for the night and they had given her permission to have Levi over for the first time, unsupervised. They would be completely alone. Hange wanted to finally tell him. She wanted to tell him that she’d slowly come to realize she saw him as more than a friend. More than a best friend.

But she had to admit to herself that she was nervous as hell.

The school year had come to an end and next year would be their last in highschool. So much was going to change. They would each be deciding their futures: where to go to college and what for. There was a nervous thought in the back of Hange’s mind, that grew more incessant as time went on. “What if we never see each other again?”

No, stop it!

She internally squashed the intrusive thoughts in her mind.

We’ve gone over this! Levi has been there since before I can remember.

She had looked at it from every angle, analysed every little detail. There’s no way Levi didn’t love her back. The evidence was plain as day. Hange was allowed to break Levi’s rules. She was allowed to touch him, she was allowed to share his food, she was allowed to push his buttons farther than anyone else. And on top of all that, Levi still chooses to hang out with her. If he was just being polite when she was around, he wouldn’t actively seek her out in the cafeteria. He wouldn’t have asked to be lab partners, and he wouldn’t have accepted her invitation for tonight.

He also wouldn’t have kissed her the other day.

Right, that’s right. We’ve already come to that conclusion, no need to second guess ourselves now.

Who’s “we”?

Never mind that now, we’re on a mission.

“We” again, huh?

Oh I get it, this boy is literally driving me crazy!

Us.

Stop it!

Hange checked herself in the mirror for the hundredth time that evening. She never cared before, but somehow she did tonight. She wanted everything to be perfect and go exactly according to plan. Levi would come in, they’d chat a bit, sit on the couch and maybe watch Netflix. Hange would make sure to brush up against Levi’s arm. Then, Hange would turn to him, sweep his hair out of his eyes and look into them as she said it. She was going to say I love you and demand a response.

Oh yes, she thought to herself. She would be cool and confident and this was going to be romantic as shit.

She heard a familiar knock on the door. She took one more deep breath and nodded to her reflection. Okay.

She opened the door to see Levi standing with his backpack casually slung on one shoulder.

“Hey Levi!” She exclaimed a little too excitedly than she would have liked.

“Hey,” he said, nonchalantly crossing the threshold of her apartment.

Hange’s smile was replaced with a scowl. UGH.

Levi kicked his shoes off and neatly placed them on the mat. “Well, shall we?” he gestured to the living room.

“Right! Come on in,” Hange led the way as if Levi hadn’t been to her place hundreds of times. She sat down on the couch, expecting Levi to take the spot beside her. But Levi opted instead to take the chair at the end of the coffee table. Hange’s mind was reeling.

OH MY FUCK-WHY IS HE LIKE THIS?

WHY CAN’T THIS BE EASY?

Levi, you dense fuck, I love you so much

SO TELL HIM

I will!

Levi placed this backpack between his legs and unzipped. He pulled out a small square container and placed it on the table.

“My mom made us brownies,” he stated plainly, opening the lid for Hange to see. They were cut into little heart shapes.

Hange gasped at the aroma: they were fresh. “Mmmm, thank you Kuchel!”

Levi paused for a moment, as if deep in thought. Hange stared back, not knowing what to do.

“I’ll uh… get us some plates,” Levi stood up and made his way to the kitchen. Once he was out of sight, Hange slumped back onto the couch. She was such a bad host.

It’s okay, he just knows where everything is, this is fine. It wouldn’t be the first time.

Hange rubbed her palms on her knees, suddenly aware of how warm she was. She swallowed hard.

Get it together!

I’m trying!

Levi returned with two small plates and two tall glasses of milk. He silently placed them in front of Hange, and much to her delight, he sat on the couch beside her.

Oh thank goodness!

The plan was back on track. Hange did her best to hide her smile. They watched a random show together, and each time Hange leaned forward to grab a snack, she made sure she leaned back ever so slightly closer and closer to Levi. He didn’t seem to mind. The episode was coming to a close and now was the perfect time.

Oh shit, my hand is sticky. No! How am I supposed to sweep his hair back now?

Maybe he won’t notice?

This is Levi, we’re talking about, of course he’ll notice!

Shit, you’re right.

“Hey, Hange-”

“I’ll be right back!”

They spoke at the same time, Hange launching upwards and out of the room. She went to the kitchen to wash her hands. The cool water helped her feel less clammy. She poured herself a glass of ice cold water and chugged the whole thing. Resting her arms on the counter, she took a few more deep breaths to collect herself. She refilled her glass and poured a second one to bring to Levi.

When she returned to the living room, Levi was gone. Her heart sank.

Oh no, we weirded him out!

Calm down, his stuff is still here, he’s just in the bathroom.

Oh yeah!

She sat back down and waited for Levi before resuming the show. She sat in complete silence, just trying to stop sweating.

He returned and to Hange’s absolute horror, he sat on the very end of the couch, much further than before. Great, all that progress during the last episode, wasted. Clearing her throat, she reached for the remote.

“Hange, can we talk?” Levi’s voice sounded small and uncharacteristically nervous.

“Uh, sure absolutely,” she answered, putting the remote back down and turning to face him, giving her undivided attention. The look on his face twisted her guts. He looked pensive, apprehensive, and like he was about to tell her he didn’t feel the same way.

“Listen, I was talking to my mom about love, and we got talking about different types of love; familial, romantic, platonic, etc and while there are different types, there is certainly a spectrum…”

Hange starred, unblinking and completely bewildered. Levi had never said this many words in one breath before. He was looking everywhere but at Hange. She stopped listening to his words and just started sinking in her own thoughts of doubt.

This was so stupid.

She braced herself for rejection. Levi was rambling on way too long. She guessed he didn’t want to lose their friendship either, but there would be no going back after this.

“... and so after that, I realized...” he looked directly at her now, pulling her back from her reverie. He took one shuddering breath. “... I love you, Hange. I always have.”

Oh. OH!

Her jaw fell open as she processed his words. She was caught up between the disappointment of not getting to say it first, and the relief of knowing he felt the same. What does she do now? Kiss him? Make a joke? She should definitely do something, right? He was getting worried because Hange hasn’t moved.

Tell him you love him back, you idiot!

She blinked and remembered how to breathe. “I love you too!” She blurted out.

Levi’s face washed over with relief and he let out a nervous laugh-something Hange hadn’t seen on him before. She also laughed as the tension in the room dissipated.

Levi’s face turned a bright pink and he looked up to the ceiling. “Why was this so hard?” He asked nobody in particular.

Hange crawled across the couch, closing the gap between them. She sheepishly admitted, “I’ve been freaking out all day!”

“Same here!” Levi reached out, and cupped Hange’s face in his hands. He stroked her cheek with his thumb as he searched her eyes. “Although, I have no idea why,” he murmured before pressing his lips on hers.

It was the best kiss of Hange’s life. All the stress, anxiety, and doubt melted away with it. She loved him, and he loved her, and that was all that mattered at the moment. His lips on hers, pressing deeper and more passionately than she’d ever experienced before, awoke a strange feeling from within. It was warm and welcoming and she never wanted it to go away.

Alas, they were both humans that needed oxygen, and so they broke off their kiss for a moment to breathe.

“I love you, Levi,” she repeated, a little more confidently this time.

“I love you, too,” he whispered, before kissing her again.

#levihan #levihan fanfiction #levihan modern au #i lobe you too bro #i was so tempted to actually put lobe in there somewhere #hope you like it moon

[uhhhitsgray]

Desire Chapter Ⅲ

↳ Table of Contents ↳ Chapter Ⅱ: Emotional Rollercoaster

Chapter Ⅲ: I'm Dreaming, Right?

“So, you remember how you asked if I knew what Eren looked like?” You take a sip of your drink sitting across the table from Hitch. 

It’s been a few days since Eren sent you that picture of him, and you wanted to share with Hitch excitement racing through your blood waiting for her answer. 

Hitch insisted that she took you out to lunch as a ‘I hope you’re feeling better’ after your anxiety attack the other day. Though you told her you felt fine, you even felt fine that evening but she insisted and you weren’t going to tell her no. 

“Yeah, I remember, why?” A big cheesy grin is on her face. 

“Well we were talking the other night, and I was trying to guess what he looked like. Cause Hitch,” You pause, “let me just say, he looks nothing like I thought he was going to.” You smile back at her. 

She raises an eyebrow, “Considering you’re smiling I’m assuming it’s a good thing?” 

You nod your head, pulling your phone out of your bag. “Well let me seeeeeeee!” She impatiently says as you pull up the picture of him. 

Your eyes get wide again as you pull up the picture, smiling as you turn your phone towards her. Her mouth drops open, shock written all over her face. 

“You’re joking right?” She laughs. 

“Unless he’s catfishing me, this is him.” Hitch continues to stare at your screen. 

In the picture that he sent you he has a low cut t-shirt on, tattoo underneath his collar bones that read “Yeager”. Muscular arms hugging his shirt sleeves as more tattoos cover both arms. His ears were pierced and he had black studs in, his long hair in a low bun with pieces pulled out around the side of his face and on the back of his neck. Nails painted black, with a piercing set of green eyes. 

He was stunning to say the least. 

“Girl..” Hitch trails off, raising an eyebrow to you. “He’s single right?” 

You and her both laugh together, “I have no idea, I haven’t asked yet. It also really hasn’t gotten brought up either.” 

She slowly nods her head, “Yeah, you should find out.” 

“Hitch, he’s way out of my league, come on. Do you see him?” 

“And have you seen yourself?” She scoffs at you. “Has he seen you yet?” 

“I did send him a picture once he sent me his and his response was ‘Oh wow’” You put your phone back into your bag. 

I’m just gonna leave out the whole him calling me princess part.. 

I’m not gonna do it..

“Oh come on, he says that and you still think you’re out of his league?” 

“Maybe he was just being nice. That’s all he said.” Your hand is rubbing the back of your neck, slightly embarrassed. You didn’t think he meant anything bad by it but he also didn’t outright say you looked good, but I guess you didn’t either. 

You sigh, “I don’t know, maybe he just didn’t know what else to say.” “What did you say when you saw that picture?” She puts a fork full of food in her mouth. 

“Well,” You laugh, “I said ‘Oh’ and then said ‘Oh shit’”. You smack your palm up to your face. 

“You’re kidding right? Y/n where is your game sis? Look at him!” Hitch almost sounds annoyed by your childish reaction, you honestly couldn’t blame her. 

“I clearly have none left.” You look down at the table and laugh. 

“Have you talked with him since, like over voice chat?” 

You pick at the food in front of you, “No. I’ve been kind of scared to honestly. Nothing bad.” You pause, letting out a sigh. “I don’t know Hitch. The night that he sent me that we were literally flirting with each other, and it was fun but now I’m scared. I haven’t gotten close to someone in a romantic way, if it even goes that far, since Charley.” 

“I know, and I get it. But you can’t think that every man you have some type of attraction to is going to end up like fuck face Charley.” Hitch’s eyes are flicking between yours. “He could end up being the best relationship you’ve ever had.” She smiles. 

“I know, but I just have a lot of baggage from Charley still and I don’t want to have to put someone through that shit.” 

“Anyone who cares about you, will always be there next to your side. Through thick and thin type shit and you know that.” Hitch leans across the table, and thumbs away a tear that has slipped from your eye. 

You knew she was right, she always was. But Charley just ruined your mindset for every relationship after him. You tried so hard to change your way of thinking, you knew others weren’t like him but the same few words kept coming to mind when you got close to people making you close off almost immediately. 

You nod to your friend, a silent ‘I know’ is given to her. Your mind wandered back to Eren saying ‘princess’ to you, no matter the context, it made your heart flutter and you couldn’t ignore that. 

Your cheeks are a bright shade of pink, as you look at your friend who is raising an eyebrow to you. She smiles, “What are you blushing over?” 

A smile making its way across your face, “So he may or may not have called me princess.” 

Girl, I did it.. 

Hitch’s mouth falls open, as she leans back into her chair, “He called you princess?” Asking as if she didn’t hear you the first time, you nod your head. “And, please share, what was the context?” 

“It was when I was trying to guess what he looked like, and I was jokingly pouting because I guess wrong twice and he said, ‘Princess didn’t get her way so she’s just done playing the game?’” You take a breath in, feeling those butterflies again, “And Hitch, I swear I was not expecting that to come out of his mouth.” 

Hitch’s face still in shock, “Uh, yeah I wouldn’t have either. Kind of hot though.” She looks down at the table. 

“Girl, I don’t even know what context he meant it in. Like was he just joking? Or?” Your cheeks are still pink. 

She shrugs her shoulders, “Now you really need to find out if he’s single. Why would he call you that if it didn’t mean anything?” She laughs.

“But like, how do I even say anything to him about it? What if he doesn’t feel the same and I end up looking like an idiot.” You nervously laugh. 

“You said he works with Armin right?” You nod, “Well maybe say something to Armin and see if he knows anything. Guys talk about that type of shit.” Hitch laughs. 

“Yeah, maybe I’ll say something to Armin.”

You hear the ding in your headset as you had waited for Armin to join your voice channel to have your normal Friday evening catch up time. 

“Armin, my guy! I’ve missed you!” 

“Hey! I’ve missed you too, I feel like it’s been way too long.” 

Armin had something come up last Friday, so you guys weren’t able to catch up and though it was only a week of not chatting with your best friend it felt like a lot longer. 

“Yeah it feels like it’s been a while honestly.” You pull up your spotify playlist, and find some chill music to listen to. 

“How's your big website project going? Eren told me it’s been a little wild for you.” You smile, it’s kind of cute that Eren shared that with Armin. 

“Yeah it really has. It’s had it’s up and down days honestly, but recently it’s been going well.” 

“That’s good to hear at least, hopefully it just keeps going smoothly for you guys. So,” Your friend pauses. 

“So.” You smile, knowing what he’s going to say next.

“You and Eren, huh? Didn’t know you two were talking that much out of the few times we’ve chatted together.” He lets out a small laugh. 

“Yeeaahhhhhh. We’ve really been talking a lot recently. It’s been nice, I don’t know Armin, he just makes me feel a level of comfort that I haven’t felt for a long time.” 

“Like since Charley long time?” Armin seeming genuinely interested in your answer. 

You sigh, it almost seems sad when he says it like that but it was true, “Yeah, since Charley honestly.” Granted, your whole relationship with Charley wasn’t awful. The first few months were great, actually. He seemed to care for you, wanted to show you love and even made you feel loved. He made you feel comfortable, like you could completely be yourself around him and he wouldn’t judge you. Then it all went downhill, everything you shared was made fun of and used against you.. It going downhill was an understatement. The relationship crashed, and fell and it seemed like you couldn’t escape. 

“Well, that seems like a good thing to me. So why does it seem like you don’t think so?” 

You pause for a second to think of your response, “I don’t know. I feel like always using Charley as an excuse for this shit just gets old, right? But like, I can’t shake all the shit he’s said when it comes to getting close to someone like this, or possibly opening up to have something more.” Your eyes are slightly watering, sniffling. 

“Well (y/n), if it makes you feel any better he does talk about you a lot. He told me about your game of guessing what he looked like, and how shocked you were when you saw a picture of him.” He laughs. 

You laugh back, “Oh my god, well yeah! He was nothing like what I was expecting.” 

“Yeah he told me that you thought he’d have blonde hair.” He snorts.

You slap your hand to your forehead, cringing at yourself, “Yeeaaahhhhhhhhh.” You laugh. 

“I think there are some type of feelings there with you two. Whether you’re comfortable taking it more than just friends is up to you. But I think he has more than just friends feelings.”     

Your heart skips a few beats, “You think so?” 

Armin lets out a laugh, “Oh yeah, he talks way too much about you for it to just be friends I think.” 

Your cheeks flushed just thinking about him talking about you with Armin. “I’m too scared to say anything though.” You laugh. 

“Well, if you think I’m saying something you’re wrong.” Armin laughs. 

Dammit. 

There goes that idea. 

“Wow. My best friend isn’t going to be my wingman like that, I see how it is.” You tease. 

“Hey now! You know I’d be your wingman, but not for something like this. That is not something I want to be in the middle of.” 

“Honestly, that’s fair.” You laugh. “I think I’d rather find out in person if I ever got the balls to ask him, ya know?” 

“Sounds like you need to make a trip out to Washington then. Just don’t forget about me.” He giggles. 

“I could never forget about you Armin, you’re my best pal.” You smile to yourself, “Plus I can see if Annie wants to come with me and then you’d get to see her too!” 

“I think I’d like that. Do you want to tell Eren that you’re coming, or more of a surprise type thing?” 

“Uhm,” You pause, “Think I’d rather be a surprise. In the case that something bad does happen, then he doesn’t know that I’m here.” You laugh. 

“Oh come on, I don’t think it’ll go wrong.” Armin states, giving you a small boost of confidence.

It’s been a few days since you chatted with Armin about going to Washington. You’d set up all the plans with Annie and Armin, and had just finished booking the plane tickets. Annie offered to drive, but you did not want to drive from Arizona to Washington, that sounded like too much driving for your liking. Finishing up the final plans in your group chat with Armin and Annie.  

You: Okay, so we’re going to be leaving this coming saturday. Flight says it’s about 3 hours, then I figured annie and i could stay till that following saturday if thats fine with you armin.

Bestie Armin: yeah that works for me, i have one meeting on that tuesday that i can’t miss but other than that im taking the whole week off.

You: okay, thats fine. Sound good annniieee? :)

Anns: that works for me :) and you still haven’t told eren? Though we’re gonna be there for a full week? You want to spend time with him right?

You: i haven’t really talked to him that much this week.. Been kind of nervous lol. Maybe i should say something so if he wants to take some time off then he has plenty of notice.

Anns: well if he’s anything like what armin’s told me, then i think he’d really appreciate it. Specially if something happens with you two, then you two can really spend some time together. Not often that we’re out in washington.

Bestie Armin: annie’s kind of right y/n lol

You: yeah, i guess so. Ill say something to him.

Bestie Armin: let us know how it goes pls :) 

Anns: yes please do :)

Great. 

I have an audience waiting for me. 

Guess I really gotta say something, huh. 

You close out of your texts, nervously opening up your discord to message Eren. 

You: hey ren, just wanted to stop by and tell you that armin’s girlfriend and I will be heading up to washington this saturday. Wasn’t sure if you wanted to meet up, either all of us, or just you and me? 

You: or both is fine too. Whatever works for you. 

Oh fuck. 

Dude, autocorrect. 

You: eren * sorry, autocorrect being a dick lol. 

You see Eren’s name popup on the bottom of the messages, your heart rate picking up a bit waiting for his response. 

Eren: hmm.. ren..  Not usually into those types of nicknames but i kind of like it. 

Well fuck, I didn’t meant to give it to you that way. 

But if you like it.. 

Ren.. it is kind of cute. 

Eren: but call me whatever you want ;) 

Boy please.. 

Dear god don’t say that.. 

Eren: that sounds awesome though, i’d love to meet up with you honestly. We can first meet with armin and his girlfriend there if that makes you more comfortable :) assuming you two are flying here? 

You: i really appreciate that! But yeah we’re flying and armin is going to pick us up at the airport. We’re gonna have lunch with armin once we get there, and then every day after that we’re free to meetup and then we can hangout and what not :) 

You: other than the lunch with armin when we land we don’t have any real plans either, cause i wasn’t sure if you’d want to meet up or not and they left the plans pretty open for me lol 

Eren: wait lol 

Eren: did you think that i might have not wanted to meet you?

You: well i wasn’t too sure since we haven’t talked for a few days, and i didn’t want to just assume that you wanted to meet me is all.. 

Eren: sweetheart, i’d want to meet you either way. 

Eren: i know you’re probably nervous and overthinking it, but it’s fine. I’d love to meet you, always :)               

He just called me sweetheart.. 

I really do need to figure out if he has feelings. 

Your heart is beating out of your chest. You felt like someone experiencing a crush for the first time, a silly smile on your face as you responded to him. 

You: yeah i know, i literally overthink everything so you have that to worry about as my friend - sorry lol. 

You: plus i get to see you in person and make sure i wasn’t being catfished the other day lmao. 

Eren: i - 

Eren: what would i get out of sending you a fake picture of myself, considering i met you through your best friend lol 

You: maybe you just wanted me to fall in love with you by sending that picture, i dont know  

Eren: did it work though? 

You had to read that message a few times, making sure you read that right. 

How do I even respond? 

Wouldn’t say I fell in love but I felt somethinnngggg. 

You take a screenshot, changing over to your texts and sending it to Hitch.

You: HITCH - what the fuck do i say to thatttttt. Helloooo.

You wait a few minutes, setting your phone face down on your desk. Too nervous about what she would say, and how you’d respond to Eren to even want to look at your phone. You got up from your desk, heading to the kitchen for some water. 

Beanie was laying in her normal spot allowing for the sun to shine on her. You went over and gave her a small pet, waking her and she let out a small meow. “You’re so cute, ya know that?” You say to the cat as if she could understand you. You hear your phone ding in the other room, as you swiftly walk back into the office, water in hand.

Bestiiieee:  if there's ever a time to just say it, absolutely fucking now is the time!!!

Bestiiieee: he 100% likes you btw. Who says that and doesn't have feelings? You'll be fine :)

You:fuck, guess you're right

You swap back over to your discord to message Eren back. Your heart feels as if it could explode with how nervous you are. 

You: sooooo about that 

You: that was something I wanted to talk to you about in person if we met.. but you're already bringing it up soo. 

Eren: ah, so you do have some feelings there, huh? 

Why'd he say it like that? 

He continues to type for several more seconds. Nausea washes over you as you wait, closing your hands digging your nails into your palms once again. 

Finally his message appears, and you let out a sigh reading it. 

Eren: that was also something that i wanted to talk to you about because i feel like there’s mutual feelings on both sides. I think we get along really well, and i really enjoy your company. You make things simple and simple has not been something I’ve had in a long time. 

Eren: plus, you’re beautiful. 

Eren: we can talk more in depth when we meet, but just know the feelings are there for me too.

Ohmyfuck. 

No way, right? He has to be joking. 

You: wait. You feel the same too??? 

Eren: why would i lie about that?  

You: cause you’re totally out of my league lol.. 

Eren: i could say the same about you. 

The feelings that wash over you could make you cry right now. A mixture of happiness and nervousness. You would have been fine just admiring from afar, but the fact that he said the feelings are mutual? This is some cruel dream right? 

You: well fuck - wasn’t expecting this lol 

You: im glad you feel the same honestly, wow. I’m just shocked i guess, ren. 

You: we can 100% talk about it more in person too. 

Eren: hhmm, you called me ren again. It’s cute. 

Eren: but lets plan to chat in person about it more :) 

You slump back into your chair at your desk, a childish grin across your face. “Wow, are we really gonna do this?” You ask yourself. Your mind flashes back to Charley again, as if your brain knows the perfect time to let those memories resurface. But you push them to the back of your mind. You deserved to be happy in that way again, deserved to feel loved and you knew that. The smile comes back to your face, “I think we’re gonna do this.”

As usual the days leading up to something you’re excited for are drawn out painfully slow. But luckily, it’s Friday evening and you’re finishing packing for your AM flight. Everything was fully set in stone, Annie was coming to your place tomorrow morning, and you guys were taking an Uber to the airport so no one's car was left there since you two would be gone for a full week.

You were facetiming with Hitch as you finished packing, and she was helping you decide your outfits for the week. A mix of cute, comfy and a few sexier outfits since you didn’t know what all you guys were getting into but you knew you wanted to go to the club at least once while you were there. Also wanting an outfit for every occasion. 

“I am actually so nervous to meet him, Hitch!” You sigh as you start folding your clothes and cramming them into your suitcase. After you and Eren had talked that day, you called her and filled her in right away. She was happy for you, trying to keep giving you the small bits of confidence that you needed. 

“Yeah I know, I think it’s pretty normal to feel nervous in this situation. But I’m sure it’ll go great, plus you’ll have Armin and Annie there and neither of them will let anything bad happen to you.” She pauses, “Plus, if he does anything to hurt you I’ll personally beat his ass.” She snorts. 

“You think you can take him, then?” You laugh, grabbing a piece of jewelry off your dresser. 

“If I need to, I absolutely will. No one hurts my girl. What jewelry you grabbing there? Lemme see.” 

“I love you.” You laugh as you turn around and show her what you were grabbing. “You think these will look good? Simple, should work with most of my outfits I think.” 

You see Hitch nod her head, “Yeah I think so. Love you too. But please just be careful, not just with Eren but in general. People are fucking scary man.” 

“You’re telling me. But I know, I’ll be safe I promise.” 

“You best keep me in the loop with you and Eren if anything happens, or just in general.” She giggles. 

“You’ll be the first to know, duh.” You laugh.

“Ugh.” You groan out as your alarm wakes you the next morning. Lazily grabbing your phone off your night stand and turning your alarm off. Beanie at the foot of your bed as usual, you frown slightly as this will be the longest you’ll be without your cat since you adopted her. But it’ll be worth it, you tell yourself. 

You get out of your bed, walking to the bathroom to wash your face and brush your teeth. You slip out of your pjs to put comfy flight clothes on that look no different than your pjs, laughing to yourself as you take a once over in the mirror. 

You completely finished packing yesterday other than the morning essentials, that you just finished packing up. You grab your suitcase, giving Beanie a kiss as you look around the room mentally making sure you have everything. 

“Okay, one last thing.” You open your junk drawer in the kitchen, grabbing paper and pen to write down Beanie’s feeding schedule for your mom as she was nice enough to stay here for the week to watch over her, and keep an eye on the apartment. 

You sigh as you sit down on your bar stool looking through your phone as you wait for Annie to show up.

Anns: imma stop for coffee real quick cause i’m early, you want anything?

You: hmm. Yes, coffee always sounds good :)

You message her your normal order, and go back to social media scrolling. 

Fuck, I am so nervous to meet him. 

I don’t even know if I’m seeing him today either. 

Get a grip girlie. 

You bite your thumb nail as a thought crosses your mind. 

Should I tell him I’m excited to see him? Or is that being too much? 

As if your mind decided without any other thought you find yourself opening discord to message Eren. 

You: good morning :) 

You: just wanted to let you know that i’m really excited to meet you, though i’m also so fucking nervouse but thats ok. I’ll let you know when we land. 

As you hit send you hear a knock on your door, “Coming!” You yell as you walk over to the door unlocking it, seeing Annie standing there looking as sleepy as you with two coffees in her hand. 

She smiles, “Here ya go girl.” She hands you your coffee as you step to the side to let her in your apartment. 

You take a sip of your coffee, and a warm smile moves across your face. “Hmm. This is good. So Annie, are you excited to see Armin?” You smile at the girl.

Annie plops down on the bar stool next to you, smiling, “Yeah I am, it's been way too long.” 

You giggle, “Let me make sure I leave you two alone for a few nights then.” You playfully hit her shoulder, her face going beat red. 

She looks down, “If you could honestly.” She giggles.

You laugh, “Well of course I would. I wouldn’t be up your guys asses the whole trip. Come on now.” 

She looks at you and takes a sip of her coffee, “Plus you have other people to see anyways.” She winks at you. 

Your face now a shade of red, “Yeah, true. I hope it goes okay honestly.” 

She offers you a sweet smile, “I think it’ll go better than okay honestly.” She squeezes your arm, looking down at her phone as it chimes, “You ready to go though? Just got the notification that the Uber is here.” She waves her phone. 

“It’s now or never, right?” You stand off the stool and grab your bags heading out the door with Annie, locking your apartment behind you.

Though the flight was only about three hours, those three hours felt like a lifetime almost. Between being anxious about seeing Armin in God only knows how many months, and to be meeting Eren for the first time? Your nervous were a fucking mess, to say the least. 

Annie had fallen asleep after the plane left the ground, which just left you to fiddle on your phone the whole time. You did bring headphones so you had been trying to relax by listening to one of your favorite playlists. Beating your thumb against your thigh in timing with the music that played through your headset. 

It also didn’t help that Eren hasn’t messaged you back, though you didn’t expect him to, you just would have thought he would have already. 

You sigh to yourself, almost annoyed that you’re getting that upset about him not messaging you back. But before you mind wanders too long the pilot comes over the intercom and states the plane will be landing in five minutes. 

You nudge Annie’s shoulder to wake her up. When you see her sleepy eyes look at you, you smile, “Planes landing in about five minutes.” 

She nods, “Okay, did you say anything to Armin?” She stretches. 

“I will right now.” You smile unlocking your phone, heading to discord to message him. 

You: annie and i will be landing in about 5 mins :) 

Armin: sounds good, i’m already here - didn’t wanna be late :) 

You smile and look at Annie, “He says he’s already here.” You look out the plane window, and to no surprise it’s raining outside. You did have to admit that it looked pretty outside. 

After the plane lands, and everyone is cleared to leave you and Annie shuffle down the aisle heading into the airport. Luckily the baggage claim wasn’t too busy, and you two were able to find your suitcases easily. 

You grab the handle of your suitcase, pulling the strap over your head of another bag you brought looking at Annie, “Well, you ready?” 

“I think so. I’m a little nervous to see Armin honestly.” She looks at you. 

You grab her arm, giving it a light squeeze, “I know, I’m sure he’s gonna be happy to see you though.” 

She nods, letting out a nervous sigh, “Let's go.” 

You nod, taking her hand in yours as you walk through the airport looking for the blonde through the crowd as others wait. 

“Annie, I see Armin!” You squeeze her hand in excitement. “Armin!” You let go of your friend's hand, waving in the direction of the blonde to get his attention. 

A big smile makes his way across his face as he sees you two, waving back as he jogs over to you and Annie. 

He lets out a small grunt as Annie jumps up onto his hips taking him in for a hug and kiss. Armin has happiness written all over his face. He gives Annie one more kiss, “Hi babe. Good to see you too.” He smiles at his girlfriend as she jumps down from his hips. 

Armin looks at you, “Is my best friend going to give me a hug, or not?” He smiles at you, opening up his arms. You nod as you wrap your arms around his torso, smiling. It’s been way too long since you’ve seen him. Tears prick your eyes as you move away from the hug, wiping the corner of your eyes as you look at your friend. 

“Oh shit.” You laugh, wiping more tears away. 

Armin hugs you again, “Why are you crying, idiot?” He laughs. 

You move away from his hug, punching his arm, “Cause I missed you, you asshole.” You laugh. 

“Fair enough. I missed you both.” He squeezes you and Annie into a hug. 

“You guys ready? I’m starving honestly” Armin looks between you and his girlfriend, smiling. 

“Ugh, please get me out of here. You know I don’t like crowds and this place is crowded.” You laugh looking at your friends. 

“Well let's go then.” Annie smiles at you, hooking her arm around yours as you two follow behind Armin.

After snaking your way through the airport crowds for far too long, you three have finally made it to Armin’s car. “We can put everything in the trunk, it should all fit.” He laughs as he eyes you and Annies luggage that you brought. Though you two were only staying for a week, someone could easily mistake that you were moving with how much stuff was brought. 

“God, you two are only staying for a week right?” Armin chuckles, rearranging Annie and your luggage for the third time “You aren’t moving out here right?” 

“A girls gotta be prepared for every occasion, Armin.” You tease, as you and Annie help him move the stuff around. “I think we can put some of the smaller bags in the back seat, should be room if Annie sits up front.” You grab the smaller bags, opening the back door and putting them on the back seat. 

You hear the trunk shut, “Yeah that works, everything fits now.” Armin sarcastically says. 

“Can we go get food now?” Annie asks, looking between you two smiling. 

I nod to her, and Armin leans in and kisses her forehead, “Yes we can go now.” 

Once settled in the car Armin suggested a hole in the wall type restaurant as he calls it for lunch, convincing you and Annie by saying it was some of the best food he’s had in his life. 

“Hole in the wall?” You laugh. 

“Never heard someone call a restaurant that before? Looks boring on the outside, wouldn’t even think to go in. But you go in, and it’s something else - looks and food wise.” He smiles at you. 

You nod, “I gotcha, but I guess Annie and I will be the judge of how the food is then, huh?” 

Armin shifts the rear view mirror so he is able to see you, “I guess so.” He smiles, continuing, “Did you ever set anything up with Eren?” 

Your heart beat picking up pace at the sound of his name, “We talked about meeting and stuff, but I haven’t heard from him yet today,” You look down, fidgeting with the seat belt that laid across your lap, “I messaged him this morning telling him I was excited to see him, and whatnot. But, he hasn’t messaged me back yet.” A sad smile laying on your face. 

You hear Armin hum in response, his attention at the road trying to navigate through the airport. “I wouldn’t worry about it too much (y/n), he’s good for his word. If he said you two will meet I’m sure it’ll happen. Something may have come up at work.” He tries to reassure you, but it just makes your mind wander and more nervous. 

You had no reason to expect anything from him, he was just a little crush not like he was your boyfriend or anything. Something could have come up, and that was fine, you just figured he would have said something by now, considering you messaged him almost five hours ago now. 

You sigh, “Yeah, guess you’re right.” 

Armin clears his throat, changing the subject knowing your mind was going a million miles a minute about this whole Eren thing. “How was your guy's flight?” He looked to Annie then back at you through the mirror again. 

Annie shrugged, “Not sure ask (y/n), I slept the whole time.” She giggles. 

You smile, trying to push your thoughts about Eren to the back of your mind, “Really smooth honestly. Lines were a bit long, but expected. The flight was good though, pretty normal I’d say.” 

“That’s good to hear, glad it wasn’t bad for you guys.” Armin states, finally getting out of the airport and onto a main road heading to your destination. 

Your two friends up front start talking, but you end up tuning them out as you press your head against the window. You had heard your phone go off a few times since being up this morning, but none of the notifications were from the person you really wanted to hear from. 

You’re overreacting. 

It’s fine, you know Armin is right.  

I legit cannot shake the feeling that I did something wrong. 

Girl.. there you are blaming yourself again, and for what? 

You did nothing wrong. 

You sigh to yourself looking at the buildings that pass trying to get yourself out of this shit mood you put yourself in. This was supposed to be a happy day, you got to see your friend that you haven’t seen in months, and get to spend a whole week here! You shouldn’t be in a bad mood at all.  

You lost track of time as your mind was in a numb state, until you felt a hand on your knee pulling your attention back to the present. “Hey, we’re here. You okay?” You look down to see Annie’s hand on you, you smile back, “Yeah, sorry I’m good. Let's go get some food.” You state while unbuckling your seat belt, getting out of the car before any more questions can be asked. 

You check your phone before putting it in your back pocket, no notifications worth checking. 

It’s fine, just let it go. 

You turn around to watch your friends get out of the car, a concerned look on Armin's face but you offer him a small smile to try to convince him that you’re fine. “So what type of food is here, Armin? Since you said it was the best.” You force out a small laugh, changing the subject off of you. 

Annie squeezes your arm as she stands next to you as you two wait for Armin to make his way around the car. You knew that they both knew something was up, but luckily they’ve been friends with you long enough that they won’t push for the answers if you don’t want to talk about them. 

“Well,” Armin says, as he stands on the other side of Annie holding her hand, “You’ll find out soon enough, right?” He laughs. 

You roll your eyes to your friend jokingly, “Okay, okay. Fair enough I suppose.” 

Armin takes a few steps forward, opening the door for you and Annie to walk through as you both thank him. Once stepping foot inside the atmosphere is cozy in a way. Walls that were half white with canvas pictures hanging from them, and the bottom half a dark gray - almost black but a few shades lighter. Beautiful gold lights hung from the ceiling, with wooden tables spaced out throughout the area, plants throughout the area adding just a nice touch of green where needed.  

“Wow.” You look at Armin, he was right. It was something else on the inside, simply beautiful. “This place is so pretty, shit.” You giggle. You look over to Annie who seems just as surprised as you. 

Armin laughs at you two as he walks up to the host, stating there were three of us and requesting for a booth if they had any. The host nodded, and walked us back to the booth as requested. You three thanked the man as he walked away. 

As you three sat talking to each other, and catching up you catch yourself looking around the restaurant still just amazed about the esthetic. You take a deep breath in, allowing for yourself to relax, smiling at your friends.  

“Annie, how’s work been for you?” 

“It’s been good, busy. Getting everything in line to move out here in a few months.” She smiles at you. 

You nod, “Hm, are you gonna be able to work remote once you move out here?” You look over at Armin, who has the cheesiest grin you’ve ever seen on his face. You knew he was happy to hear that she was finally moving out there soon. 

“They were a little on the fence about it, but said I could so that’s one less stress once I move out here. Which is nice.” She smiles at Armin. 

Armin opens his mouth to say something, but is interrupted by his phone ringing. He looks down at the screen, points his index finger up, “One sec, I need to take this.” Before you or Annie could respond he’s already standing out of the booth walking away from you two. 

You raise an eyebrow to Annie, as she looks past you watching him walk away. “Weirrrddddd. He’s not usually someone to do that.” 

Annie looks back to you, and shrugs, “Yeah, I have no idea. Maybe it was important.” 

“So Eren,” Annie raises an eyebrow to you, “I heard you saw what he looks like.” 

Your face flush, giggling, “Yeah, he sent me a picture last week. Have you seen him?” 

Your friend shakes her head no, “Armin hasn’t shown me.” 

You look down to your bag, “You want to see?” 

Annie leans across the table, “Yes, show me!” 

“Okay, okay!” You giggle, as you pull your phone out of your bag, finding the picture and showing her.

Already knowing Annie, you knew that he wasn’t her type at all, she was tried and true to men that looked like Armin. Blonde and blue eyes were her weak points for sure. But the reaction on her face was anything but expected. 

Her eyes widened, mouth opening looking back at you, “That’s Eren?” She whistles sitting back in her seat. “You’re lucky.” She laughs, continuing, “You two would be cute together.” 

Your face feels redder the longer she talks about him, “Oh I don’t know, you think?” 

Her eyes glance behind you for a split second, looking back at you, “Girl, yes. Come on now, give yourself some credit.” 

You’re still looking at the picture on your phone, as you hear a somewhat familiar voice speaking as they sit down in the seat next to you. 

“What are you giving yourself credit for?” The voice says, you dart your eyes across the table to see Armin sitting next to Annie, both of them smiling. You look to your left, a shocked look on your face as you recognize the face that sits next to you. 

He looks down at your phone in your lap, smiling at you, “Who’s that good looking dude?” 

You blink, realizing that the picture on your phone is the man sitting in front of you. 

Am I dreaming? 

Eren is literally sitting next to me. 

What the fuck. 

He looks even better in person than the pictures. 

How that’s possible I have no idea.   

You blush, looking at your phone smiling back at him, “I think it’s you.”

A/N: heellooo! i hope you guys enjoy this chapter, it has a ton of dialog so hopefully it's ok! really enjoyed writing this one :) thank you for all the love on these stories i really do appreciate it <3 thanks for reading and ill see yall in the next chapter :)

#aot fanfiction #eren aot #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #eren yeager #eren jeagar #eren yeager x you #eren yeager x reader #eren x y/n #modern setting #alternate universe #friends to lovers #strangers to lovers

[criminalmindzjunkie]

I Carry Your Heart With Me (Part One)

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Summary: Spencer and the reader are reunited for the first time in fifteen years. 

A/N: Very excited to get the ball rolling on this one. I hope you all enjoy it! Message me if you would like to be added to the taglist.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Content Warnings: swearing

Word Count: 4.5k

“I cannot believe you talked me into this,” Damien mutters from the passenger seat, his icy blue eyes wide with fright. He pulls his gaze away just long enough to point at a lone cow grazing to the left of the road. “Look! That cow is just like… standing there. No fence around him or anything. What’s stopping him from stampeding into us the second we get out of this car?”

Damien sounds so genuinely horrified that you almost feel bad for laughing. Almost.

“I don’t think that’s going to be a problem, Dee. Besides, that cow didn’t even look up when we drove past. We’re not even on its radar.”

“Oh, yeah? Ever heard of a little thing called mad cow disease?” Damien persists, in typical dramatic flair. You roll your eyes at him and he curses underneath his breath. “You know, when I agreed to go with you to this wedding, I pictured something more akin to a five-star resort with a minibar and a heated pool. Not rogue livestock and shitty cellphone reception.”

“You didn’t agree to anything – you practically begged me to take you with me.”

Damien waves his hand, dismissive, his eyes still roaming over the pasture. “Because I wanted an excuse to take a week off work. This is not the controlled environment I expected.”  

“If you don’t quit complaining, I won’t hesitate to push you out of the car and leave you here with the cow,” you retort. In your periphery you’re able to make out Damien raising his middle finger to you. Rude.

You chuckle and fix your attention back on the dirt road. You’re driving almost painfully slowly, because the very idea of having to pay extra for damages to this already astronomically expensive rental car makes you feel nauseated. Despite your efforts, the car is covered entirely in dust. Its once pristine, white paint job has transformed into a muddy color.

There goes my deposit.

You shake your head at the thought. You had more pressing matters to concern yourself with; i.e., the fact that you were approximately five minutes away from coming face to face with the one person you swore you’d never speak to again. Two months seemed like ample time to prepare yourself in theory, but now that it is no longer some far-off thing, you know that your attempts at preparing yourself were in vain. With each day you crossed off the calendar leading to your departure date, your anxiety grew and grew until you worried your poor heart would give out under the stress. Getting onto the plane bound for Montana felt like the proverbial nail in the coffin, and a hefty dose of Dramamine was the only thing that kept you from spiraling as the plane ascended into the air. You slept through the entirety of the trip and, much to Damien’s chagrin, there is a sizeable puddle of drool on his left shoulder to prove it.

The lengthy nap helped. The tight band constricting your chest had loosened, and you pulled out onto the highway feeling refreshed and rejuvenated. You had Damien by your side and five vacation days to enjoy. Your best friend was getting married to the love of her life, and you were hellbent on standing by her side through it all. Spencer Reid can kiss your ass, as far as you are concerned. No way is he going to ruin this for you.

You are still very much clinging your take-no-shit mentality when you breach a hill and the ranch comes into view, effectively expelling every single positive thought from your head. Aforementioned anxiety reappears in full-force and you stomp down on the breaks.

“Fuck, I don’t think I can do this,” you squeak out, casting a look at Damien, whose eyes are trained on the sprawling expanse of the house ahead of you. “We can still turn around – no, we should turn around. There is no version of this that won’t end in me getting embarrassingly drunk and crying in front of everyone. I’m turning around.”

Damien’s hand on yours, strong and steady, is the only thing that keeps you from whipping the car around and retreating with your tail between your legs. His fingers pry your white knuckled grip off of the wheel slowly, his thumb rubbing reassuring circles across your skin. Its sweet and so overwhelmingly gentle that you’re a bit stunned. You glance at him in a silent question, as if to ask who are you, and what have you done with my friend?

He gets the message loud and clear, because of course he does. Damien fixes you with a smile, grip tightening on your hand.

“I’ve seen you hold your own against some of the biggest names in journalism on an almost daily basis – looking damn sexy while you do it, might I add,” Damien chuckles, and you can’t help but give a weak laugh of your own. Damien’s smile grows at this, and he continues, “If you can handle your business against those conniving pricks, I’ve no doubt that you can tough it out for this. You’re not the type of woman that lets some guy dictate what she does or doesn’t do. And you sure as hell aren’t the type of woman that would let some guy rob her of the opportunity to stand by her best friend on the most important day of her life. As the person who probably knows you better than anyone else on the planet, my opinion of you is pretty rock-solid, if I do say so myself. So, unless I’ve completely overestimated the extent of your badassery, I suggest you rethink that plan. What do you say?”

You avert your eyes and swallow against the lump in your throat.

“Spencer’s not just some guy. For a long time, I was convinced that he was the guy,” you whisper. The car is silent, save for the quiet crooning voice of George Michael flowing through the speakers. Damien squeezes your hand, prompting you to continue. You blink up at him with wet lashes, lips pulled into a sad smile. “Have you ever been in love?”

Damien shakes his head and rubs his thumb along the top of your hand. “I can’t say that I have, babe. Haven’t been that lucky.”

You let out a shaky breath and bring your other hand up to wipe at your eyes.

“Maybe you’re better off. I’ve only been in love once,” you gesture to your pitiful appearance and choke out a wet laugh. “Look where that got me. He fucking crushed me, and fifteen years later I’m still broken up about it. It’s pathetic.”

Damien frowns and shifts in his seat so that he’s fully facing you.

“I don’t want to hear you say that self-deprecating shit again. You were hurt by someone you gave your heart to, and I can only imagine how devastating that must feel. Being upset about seeing him again does not make you pathetic. The fact that you’re here, about to spend a week with the guy just so you can be there for Cassidy, is pretty damn admirable as far as I��m concerned.” Damien ends his monologue by pulling you into a tight hug, and you couldn’t be more thankful that he’d come with you. Not only was he a secret sweetheart, he also gave the very best hugs.

By the time he releases you, the tension in your chest has eased significantly. You nod once, and Damien’s rewards you with a smile.

“I am pretty cool, aren’t I?”

Damien snorts rather unattractively and rolls his eyes.

“I take back everything. You suck, and I don’t know why I bother with you, you narcissist.”

Now that the mood has lifted significantly, you reluctantly press your foot against the gas pedal.

“Too late. No takesies backsies,” you singsong. “You think I’m sexy and badass, and I’m never going to let you forget it.”

Damien mutters something undoubtably snarky underneath his breath, but it’s drowned out by the sound of gravel crunching underneath the tires. That, and the sound of your blood roaring in your ears as you inch further down the driveway.

The house, a beautiful log cabin with stone accents along the underside, is massive. Standing at two stories tall with a large wraparound porch and more than a dozen large windows, it’s a far cry from the modest little cabin in the mountains that Cassidy had made it out to be. Even Damien is slack jawed at the sight of it, sitting pretty against a back drop of rolling mountains, and you can’t help but feel a little smug.

“Still want to complain about that five-star resort?”

Damien shakes his head dazedly, “I retract my earlier complaint.”

All too soon, you roll to a stop and put the car in park. Several other cars are parked haphazardly in the grass around you, and that annoying voice inside your head wonders which one belongs to Spencer. It’s not that you care – you totally don’t – it’s just that you are kind of hoping that he hasn’t arrived yet. A few hours to acclimate to the environment before having to deal with him would be nice.

“You’ve got this, babe,” Damien murmurs. “And I’ll be with you the whole time, just in case you need a reminder.”

You flash Damien a nervous smile.

“You’re a really good friend, Dee. I’m really glad that you’re here,” you say, before narrowing your eyes at him. “If you tell anyone I said that, I’ll deny it.”

Damien snorts and pushes open the door.

“Get your sassy ass out of the car. I’m ready to mingle.”

As soon as you set foot on the porch, the front door flies open and a flash of curly red hair precedes a collision that nearly sends you flying back into the railing. Ecstatic squeals rip through the otherwise serene evening air and two boney arms envelop you into a tight hug.

“I cannot believe you’re actually here,” Cassidy laughs as she squeezes you tight. Her enthusiasm has you joining in, the two of you laughing happily and pulling back to examine one another. Cassidy places a sloppy kiss to both of your cheeks before throwing an arm over your shoulder. “I fully expected you to just blow off the whole thing, if I’m being honest.”

You cast at Damien, who’s watching on with an amused grin on his face.

“Believe me, she tried.”

Cassidy turns her attention to Damien and extends her free hand.

“I take it you’re the infamous Damien that I’ve been trading emails with?”

Your eyebrows scrunch together in confusion, “Wait, what? The two of you have been emailing?”

Damien accepts Cassidy’s hand and gives it a firm shake, all while smiling smugly.

“Yep. Me and Ms. Cassidy go way back.”

“I mean, that’s cool, I guess, but why?”

Cassidy and Damien share a look, both of them shrugging.

“Mainly to talk about you,” Cassidy admits, not even bothering to look apologetic. When you frown up at her she waves her hand dismissively at you. “All good things, I promise. Don’t worry your pretty little head about it.” Cassidy punctuates her words with a patronizing pat on your shoulder.

“I knew letting you two meet was a bad idea,” you grumble.

Cassidy simply drops her arms from its place on your shoulder in favor of tugging on your hand.

“Come on, sour puss. I want you to meet my husband. He’s a real sweetie – you’re gonna love him.”

A flash of white-hot panic shoots down your spine and you dig your heels into the floor.

“Wait,” you squeak out, eyes wide. “Is… Is he here yet?”

Cassidy’s eyes shine mischievously, briefly flitting up to Damien before returning to you.

“He is. And you’ll be happy to know that pictures do not do the Good Doctor any justice.”

Salt, meet wound.

“Don’t know why you’re telling me that,” you mutter.

“Denial is not just a river in Egypt, my friend,” Cassidy singsongs as she begins tugging you forward. For someone so tiny, she makes easy work of forcing you through the threshold.

The foyer is just as impressive as you expect it to be – beautiful cedar walls and a grand staircase that leads to the second floor. If you weren’t horribly on edge at the current moment, you would definitely comment on the fact that the foyer alone is probably larger than your entire apartment, but you’re too busy scanning the immediate area for tall skinny white guys with stupidly curly brown hair to comment on the grandiosity.

Cassidy leads the two of you to double doors to the right, and just as she’s about to push them open, the shrill ring of your cellphone offers you an out.

You slip your hand from Cassidy’s grip and give her a faux apologetic look.

“I should probably take this – it might be work.”

Damien narrows his eyes at you. “I thought you left your work phone at home.”

You ignore him and begin taking a few steps backwards, “Is there somewhere private I can go?”

An indiscernible look flashes across Cassidy’s face and then her lips pull up into a sugary sweet smile. “Follow the hallway to the very end. Leads to the back porch,” she says. “No need to rush. Take all the time you need!”

Okay, weird, you think to yourself, but the idea of putting off the inevitable for a few extra moments is too tempting to pass up, so you continue your retreat. You make it to the back door in record time and let out a relieved breath as you bring the phone to your ear.

“Hi, mom.”

“Hi, baby. I was just calling to make sure the two of you got there safely.”

You push open the back door and the breathtaking view of the ranch prompts you to take pause; sprawling fields and rolling hills as far as the eye can see, grazing livestock congregating near a lazy stream at the far end of the property, and several horses running across the expanse of the left field. It was wonderfully serene and vastly different from the bustling rat-race that was New York.

You smile to yourself when a loud moo rips through the otherwise quiet ranch. I could get used to this.

“Yeah, we made it,” you murmur into the receiver. “You would love this place, Mom. It’s probably the prettiest place I’ve ever been. I’ll send you a picture when I hang up.”

“How’s Cassidy? Still a little spit-fire, I assume?”

You lean against the railing and let out a snort, “Oh, absolutely. Don’t think that’ll ever change.”

“I’d hope not,” your mother hums. “How does Damien like the ranch?”

“He’s not exactly a fan of the livestock,” you chuckle. “Damien’s never even seen a real cow before. City boy through and through, that one.”

You and your mother share a laugh that dissolves into a comfortable silence. Comfortable, until the telltale clearing of your mother’s throat warns you of the impending inquisition.

“So,” your mother begins. “Are you going to tell me how it went, or are you going to leave an old woman wondering? “

You sigh and run a hand through your hair. “Fortunately, I have yet to run into him. I may or may not be hiding out on the back porch as we speak in an attempt to avoid just that.”

“Y/N,” your mother chastises. “Prolonging the inevitable isn’t going to make this any easier.”

“I know, I know. I’ll go in there soon. It’s just a lot, you know? I needed to take a breather, first.” Just until my hands stop shaking. Or until Cassidy comes hunting for me. Whichever comes first.

“I know, baby,” your mother coos. “I’m proud of you for trying. Just don’t drag things out, okay? You’ll only make yourself sick with nerves.” Unfortunately, that ship has sailed. The rolling in your stomach can attest to that.

           You laugh a humorless laugh, “I don’t know, Mom. You always like to remind me how stubborn I am. I’m sure if I put my mind to it, I can just avoid him for the entire week.”

           A tiny movement at the very corner of your vision and a loud creak makes you whip your head around, and what you see has your heart falling to your ass.

Spencer Reid, looking absolutely stunning in a pair of khaki dress pants and a white cable-knit sweater, sits in a porch swing with wide eyes and a book clutched tightly in his hands. Soft, caramel-colored curls frame his face and a five o’clock shadow runs the length of his jaw, adding a bit of grown-up flare to his otherwise boyish features.

He looks every bit as beautiful as he did on the day he broke your heart.

--

Spencer knows that he should have spoken up as soon as you walked onto the porch. It was immediately obvious that you hadn’t seen him, and he swears he’s one second away from clearing his throat and launching into the introduction he’d been planning for the last sixty days. But the words die on his tongue as he drinks in the sight of you.

You’re so close to him for the first time in years and it’s more than a little bit dizzying. And yeah, he’s used his very limited knowledge of how the internet works to Google you on more than one occasion, but the version of you leaning against the porch railing is a far cry from the pixelized one. A light breeze rolling through the air lifts your hair away from your face, and Spencer’s breath catches in his throat as he surveys every perfect inch, from the curl of your lashes to the smattering of freckles on your nose. He indulges himself, eyes settling on your cherry red lips, fascinated by the way they move as you talk on the phone. Spencer is intimately familiar with those lips – can recall the way they felt pressed against his own. The years spent apart have done nothing to dull the memories. He’s not entirely sure if that’s a good or a bad thing.

It amazes him how you’ve somehow managed to change a lot, but also not at all. You stand before him as an oxymoron personified, and it’s a lot for Spencer’s poor heart to take in. Your hair is a bit lighter than he remembers, as well as a little longer, but it still looks just as soft and he can recall with startling clarity how it felt when he used to run his fingers through it. You have a few more laugh lines than you did, as well as a scar on your left elbow that hadn’t been there before, but everything else about you is so painfully familiar that Spencer could almost pretend that no time had passed – that he still knows your body as well as he once did.

Spencer knows this isn’t true. Every seven years, the body resets; old cells destroyed and replaced with new ones. You’ve both spent enough time apart that your bodies have reset twice over. You’re as much of a stranger to him as he is to you.

Spencer positively abhors the thought.

The sound of your laughter pulls him from the depths of his mind, and while the laugh isn’t warm or inviting in the slightest, he relishes it. What was once one of his favorite sounds has existed in his head as only a memory for far too long. Hearing it in person is jarring in the best of ways.  

The euphoria he feels dies a horrible death when you speak again.

“I don’t know, Mom. You always like to remind me how stubborn I am. I’m sure if I put my mind to it, I can just avoid him for the entire week.”

Fucking ouch.

Spencer cringes hard, too hard, because the porch swing screeches out an angry creak and you whip around and holy shit, have your eyes always been that entrancing?

He watches as your entire body goes rigid, tensed as if you’re about to bolt. You blink hard, eyebrows drawn together to form an adorably bewildered expression as you assess him. Spencer hopes he doesn’t look too disheveled. He hadn’t even thought to freshen up after his trip, an oversight that he’s regretting terribly as your eyes flit over him.

Spencer isn’t sure why, but he stands up. Maybe it has something to do with feeling vulnerable. Maybe he just wants to close the distance. The two steps he takes towards you support the latter. He’s thankful that you don’t move away, but the blank expression on your face worries him.

The two of you stand five feet apart, but you feel worlds away. Spencer refrains from speaking for as long as he can stand, which is only about thirty seconds.

“Hi.”

Your lips part, and Spencer holds his breath.

“Hi.”

More silence. Spencer gulps.

“It’s good to see you,” he says, cautious. The last thing he wants to do is fuck up within the first five minutes. Unfortunately, his brain and his mouth seem to have some sort of disconnect, and Spencer continues against his better judgment. “It’s been a while.”

It’s been a while? That’s seriously the best I can come up with?

Spencer contemplates drowning himself in the nearby stream.

“It certainly has.”

“Five-thousand, five-hundred and seventeen days.” And roughly thirty-six and a half hours, but who’s counting?

Muted noises flow out of your phone speaker and you pull your eyes away from Spencer. He’s both relieved and devastated.

“Yeah, Mom, I’m fine. I just ran into someone. I’ll call you back later, okay?”

Spencer agonizes over the fact that he’s been reduced to someone while you and your mother exchange goodbyes. You’re smiling when you look up at him again, but Spencer’s seen what a genuine smile of yours looks like, and this isn’t it.

“I didn’t see you sitting there. My apologies.” Your formality makes the situation all the more excruciating.

Spencer lets out a nervous laugh, “I suppose avoiding me is out of the question now, huh?”

It’s hard to tell who’s more horrified by the words that tumble from his mouth, you or Spencer. A fierce flush spreads across your cheeks. It’s the first crack in your otherwise calm and collected exterior thus far and Spencer relishes in it. Maybe you’re not as unaffected by him as you seem.

“I… I’m sorry you had to hear that,” you stammer, blinking up at him with guilty eyes. “That wasn’t very kind of me.”

“Don’t worry about it. I can’t say that I’m undeserving of your anger,” Spencer whispers so quietly that he worries you don’t hear him over the gentle flow of the stream. The hardness that returns to your eyes lets him know that you heard every word.

You clear your throat, signaling your unwillingness to discuss that particularly painful topic. “You’re still partial to Cummings, I see.” You gesture to the book clutched tightly against his chest.

Now, it’s Spencer’s turn to blush. The book in his hands, tattered and worn from years of use, is incriminating. The two of you both know what lies just beneath the binding. The fact that Spencer has it with him now makes him think that he might as well be wearing a t-shirt that reads, I’M STILL NOT OVER YOU.

Spencer raises a hand to scratch at the back of his neck. “Oh, yeah. Old habits die hard, I guess.” His eyes scour your face for a sign of anything that might clue him in to you feeling the same way. A flicker of something dances across your face, but it’s gone so quickly that he can’t be sure if he imagined it. He forces a nervous smile. “If I remember correctly, he was your favorite.” It’s a shitty attempt at a joke.

You exhale a shaky breath and to his absolute horror, your lower lip begins to wobble. He wishes he could reach up and pluck his words from where they hang heavy in the air.

“Not anymore,” you murmur, and fuck if that doesn’t absolutely wreck him.

Spencer shouldn’t ask, but he can’t help himself. “Oh. Why not?”

He holds his breath, anxiously anticipating your next words. You seem to be battling with yourself, mouth opening and closing several times. Spencer is content to wait as long as it takes for you to answer, but the universe is much more impatient than he.

The door leading onto the porch swings open and out walks an honest to God Abercrombie and Fitch model. Or at least, a man who meets the qualifications and then some. Long, flowing blonde hair and a crisp white dress shirt makes Spencer’s unruly brown mop and dumpy sweater look pitiful in comparison. Spencer frowns.

“Sweetheart, you’ve been out here for like ten minutes,” the man chastises as he closes the distance between you and him. Spencer watches him wrap his arm around your shoulders and pull you to him like someone might watch a car wreck happen; with equal parts horror and morbid curiosity. “You can’t hide out forever.”

All traces of rigidity leave your body and you melt into the man’s side. It happens in such a way that screams familiarity, as if the pet name hadn’t already driven that point home. The awful, gut-wrenching realization slams home and Spencer has to fight to keep his knees from buckling.

“Uh, sorry,” you mumble, before nodding your head in Spencer’s direction. “Damien, this is Spencer Reid.”

The man’s – Damien’s - eyes go almost comically wide as they settle on Spencer’s dejected frame, before schooling into a cool indifference. He offers him a polite smile that’s a little tight around the edges, but doesn’t outstretch his hand.

“Ah, Spencer. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Spencer swallows hard to keep himself from barking out a crazed laugh. He’s heard of me! That’s certainly something, considering the fact that no one thought it necessary to tell Spencer that you have a –

Spencer’s eyes dart down to your left hand. Thankfully, mercifully, your ring finger is bare.

“Uh, y-yeah. It’s nice to meet you.” The words burn as they roll off his tongue.

Damien nods at him before turning back to you. There’s an unmistakable fondness in the way he looks at you as he speaks. “Cassidy wants everyone back inside. They’re about to serve dinner.”

You smile up at him, not even casting a parting glance at Spencer before Damien leads you back inside. Spencer stands there long after the door closes behind the two of you.

The book feels heavy in his hands.

-

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[scientia-rex]

I had a doctor’s appointment today to cut off a weird mole. I’m 99% sure this one will come back as benign, because I’ve had it for as long as I can remember, but there’s this thing happening in my head right now that’s probably ACTUALLY a combination of the like 80 stressors I’m under but how my brain READS it is “this is cancer, and also your doctor doesn’t like you and thinks you’re a bad person and you hurt her feelings.” Which I’m also FAIRLY sure is not how it went down, but I feel like burrowing into a hole and waiting to die.

Having the first path read on the last one come back as melanoma REALLY fucked with me. And then Dad sent a text yesterday that Mom is now obsessed with our new house and wants to come visit. And I’m like….. the COVID case rate now is worse than it was when you refused to visit for my residency graduation last year. Also, when I texted you I thought I had melanoma, you left me on read.

I do not want them to visit. I’m not saying I’m done with them, but I am saying I’m tired of the two people whose love I most want having long ago decided that I don’t deserve it. I’m not sure either of them are capable of love the way I would characterize it, and I don’t know why. Childhood trauma seems to be a big part of it. Their parents all sucked, just in different ways.

When I think about being a childhood, I remember being rejected by my parents over and over again. There were good times. Dad would read me a bedtime story every night. When I felt ignored I could say “I’m feeling under-attended” and they would pay attention to me. There were deliberate, conscious things that they did to TRY to be good parents. But the constant threat of violence, even though it was never realized, and the delicate dance of trying to avoid Dad’s anger outbursts, and Mom’s inevitable harassed sigh when I interrupted her reading… all the missed events, all the times they leaned on me for emotional support rather than the other way around, all the times they hid things from me rather than talk about them. I couldn’t express any opinion without being told why I was wrong, and that I was too young and foolish to know better, and that was so relentless and intense that I have a really dumb story about it.

When I was 18, my sister had moved back home after running away for a couple of years. She’s 3.5 years older than me. We drove the hour and a half to the nearest city with a mall. (The big city is another half an hour away.) We stopped at a store, I want to say Target, on the way back for snacks.

She asked what I wanted. I tentatively said a box of Golden Grahams. She said sure and grabbed it off the shelf. I cried. I was so used to people asking my opinion and then telling me I was wrong and stupid that just being allowed to choose a snack for myself was a kindness.

“Why did you have debilitating anxiety for so long?”

Well, let me introduce you to my parents, brilliant people with fucked-up childhoods who thought they should have kids because that’s what people did, rather than because they had a deep desire to parent.

Anyway. I’m not having kids. I may foster eventually, once I’ve got my own shit more together, but I don’t want to have my own. I know myself. I know I want time to myself. I can so easily imagine myself reacting the same way she did to emotional neediness: exasperation. Clinical, detached observation and assessment. Failure to meet the needs at hand.

I don’t think we’re doomed to become our parents. I know people with shit parents who are wonderful parents themselves. But I also don’t think I’m cut out to have kids, and I don’t feel the need to punish a child the way I was punished, for having the gall to exist and need things.

The lidocaine hasn’t worn off yet. I’m fairly comfortable. The blisters from gardening too aggressively hurt worse than the biopsy site.

I don’t want my parents to visit. I love them, and they’ve disappointed me so many times. It’s like being visited by ghosts now. They keep trying to push the same buttons they installed during my childhood, and it’s both tedious and painful.