#i guess i wanted to have some angst bc i was going through some stuff haha | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

your-gf-lucy · 6 months

Text

calm in chaos

this idea has been stuck in my head for a while so i decided to write it out also i think this is such a cute idea. everyone thank @m3ntallyunstable34 for telling me to write this i srsly would not have otherwise. also im unaware of the differences between panic attacks and anxiety attacks but I used to have panic attacks as a child bc of traumatic stuff so idk

pairing: theodore nott x gn!reader

warnings: panic attacks, angst (ish), fluff, hurt comfort, not proof read, my writing lol and that's about it

summary: you get reminded of some not so pleasant memories and the one person you never expected to even know of your existence helps you get through it.

call me crazy but i really like this one 🤭🤭

The attack wasn't a pleasant memory. Well, of course it wasn't. It fucked you up so bad that there wasn't a day that went by where you didn't see his face in your nightmares. He who almost killed you. He who lied to you. He who was called Voldemort.

Sure, being reminded of it always ruined your day, but the extremity of what happened today because of that memory fucked you up even more.

You were sitting down in the library doing your work until it had gotten dark. Your friends had left the library to go to their respective house parties. You couldn't be bothered to go what with all the assignments you had piled up that you had to work on. You were alone and it was quiet. Everything was alright. You were exhausted so you started to pack away. Everything was alright. You got up to walk to your dorm. Everything was alright.

And then it just wasn't.

You closed your eyes for a brief second and then you saw his face. And just like that all the concealed emotions were revealed.

Your body was racked with fear and the more you tried not to think about it, the more vivid the memories became. You tried to control them, tried to keep your emotions at bay but eventually, you stopped trying to fight it.

Your breathing became unsteady. Now was the worst possible time for a panic attack. All your friends were at parties and you had no one to help distract you.

Fuck.

You didn't have much time. You rushed up the stairs to the astronomy tower desperate for the slightest hint of fresh air. You stumbled into the astronomy tower just in time. Your breath was heavy, it was getting really hard to breathe.

Your body started shaking. The frozen air didn't help the shivering.

Fuck.

You really needed a friend, or even just a simple, pleasant distraction. You tried to breathe in, tried to calm yourself down but nothing seemed to help. You were going to give up.

You knew the panic attack would win. You knew he would win.

And just as you were about to give up, you felt a hand on yours.

"Hey, you okay?" you heard a voice from your left side. Turning to your left, you saw a tall body towering over you. Theodore Nott.

You knew him. Everyone knew him. Everyone wanted him. He didn't seem like the type of person to give anyone attention. Especially not you.

Yet here he was, your knight in shining armour. Talking to you. Looking at you. Caring for you.

It had been a long time since you had felt like someone cared for you. You had friends, sure, but you were never really close with them. You knew they'd leave you dead if it set them apart. You never felt as close to them as you felt with Theo at this moment. You'd never talked to him, but he was attractive and even you couldn't deny that..

You weren't even sure if he knew your name.

"Are you having a panic attack?" He repeated.

"Yeah, yeah- i- sorry- h-how do you know?" You said in between short breaths. You didn't want to be so vulnerable around him. You figured he'd make fun of you with his friends.

"Well you not being able to breathe is definitely a sign." Theo chuckled.

"Oh yeah, i guess" you smiled slightly.

"Okay, who's your least favourite professor?" Theo asked.

What? You were having a panic attack and he was concerned who your least favourite professor was? priorities

"Oh erm it's got to be umbridge." You replied.

"Oh my, that woman is a nightmare. Why do you hate her so much?" Theo continued.

"She's annoying. She likes to believe she's in power. That she's the best. But in reality, she's a stuck-up, irritating try-hard who is only a teacher so she can shout at children." You replied.

"Oh, I couldn't agree with you more," Theo replied. "Feeling better?"

You seemed to have been so occupied in insulting your defence against the dark arts teacher you seemed to have forgotten about your panic attack. Your breathing was now much more steady and your body didn't seem to shake as much.

He extended his hand to grasp yours, but before he could, you pressed yourself against his frame, embracing him tightly. Your body was racked with sobs. He was shocked at your response but quickly regained his composure and pulled you in even tighter.

"Shh" he whispered in your ear. "You'll be okay"

It was mostly quiet except for when he whispered comforting affirmations in your ear.

After a couple of minutes of you staying like this, your body completely stopped shaking and you felt stronger like it wasn't just you against the world anymore. It felt like you had someone who cared about you. Someone who was there for you. Someone who listened to you.

"Thank you. Really. I'm sure i would've passed out if it weren't for you." You smiled at him.

"It's alright." He replied.

"How did you know all this?" you asked

"What do you mean?" he questioned looking at you quizzically.

"You knew what to do when i had the panic attack. How?" you repeated.

"I have them. My mum taught me how to deal with them before she erm." Theo explained stopping abruptly at the end.

"Oh wow erm sorry"

"No you're good." He replied.

"Well thanks again, I owe you one." You said.

"No problem y/n." He replied.

He knew your name.

Theodore Fucking Nott knew your name.

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jennifer-jeong · 8 days

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[Fluff + Slight Angst] [Gojo Satoru x Reader] Kikufuku

GUESS WHO'S BACK FROM ROTTING DURING EXAMSSSSSS TAKE THIS DRAFT I FINISHED WHILE I WORK ON MY REQUESTS HEHEHEHEHEHE I WILL BE POSTING ALL MY STUFF SLOWLY MEHEEHEHHE

CONTENT

Going to get food everyday with Gojo bc he loves trying new places and he used to do it sm with geto and shoko ): Mostly fluff, some angst, gender neutral reader, implied crush, lots of mentions of food, ALL CHARACTERS ARE 18+

AUTHOUR NOTES

Note that I can’t remember where I got this idea from (it's been sitting in a document for months and I only just got around to it) but I might've read it from somewhere (maybe a tiktok?) so I’m sorry if I've stolen someone's idea, please lmk so I can give credit if this is the case!

Word Count: 477

Satoru is your typical happy go lucky guy on the outside. He’s always walking around as if there’s not a single thought running through his mind. He’ll buy his favorite mochi while all the passersby swoon at his handsome self. You met the man not more than a few months ago when you joined Jujutsu High as a fellow staff member and you’ve gotten quite close. He’d always ask you if you wanted to get food after work and most of the time you'd say yes. But, for the first few weeks, sometimes you’d be busy or not feeling up to going out to dinner with your co-worker you just met. That quickly changed though.

Satoru gets quite lonely when you aren’t there with him and you've noticed after getting to know him. He's not anything he shows on the outside. He’s alone. He’s suffering. But he’s still so sweet. A month or 2 after meeting him, you’ve made it a mission to always get food with him even if you’re busy. If it’s not in person, you’re at the very least video or audio calling him so he can show you the food and talk to you while you both eat. Gojo loves trying new places because it feels refreshing. It makes him feel young again and you support it because you know his youth was robbed from him. You know that he used to get food everyday with Suguru and Shoko because he told you about it. You know he misses them by the way he talks about it and he knows you know. But, ignorance is bliss right? You're both just trying to live ignorantly happily while simultaneously healing from your respective pasts. What else could you really do?

Yesterday was takoyaki and Thai milk tea for dessert. Today was coconut curry and ice cream filled taiyaki. Tomorrow, Satoru is thinking Beijing style duck or maybe K-BBQ? Carbonara? Peri Peri Chicken? Enchiladas? Shawarma??? You always laugh when he goes on a tangent of what he wants to eat and try with you. You tease him by adding more options to the list and he clenches his fists dramatically and squeezes his eyes shut under his blindfold while whining that he can’t pick and that there’s too much good food. You occasionally have to reassure him that you have time and that you’re not going anywhere. You never fail to notice the blush on his ears when you soothe him like that and he never fails to see your fidgety hands as you say the gentle words to him. He feels so lucky to have your company and you can confidently say the same, in your thoughts of course. You wouldn’t tell him that out loud and he also finds himself too scared to try. At least, not yet. Maybe one day, over some kikufuku.

Thank you for reading!

|| MASTERLIST<3 ||

#jjk x reader #reader x jjk #jujutsu kaisen x reader #gojo x reader #reader x gojo #gojo satoru x reader #satoru gojo x reader #gojo fluff #gojo satoru fluff #satoru gojo fluff #gojo comfort #j's silly ramblings

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lowkeyremi · 4 months

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Hey there! was looking through your stuff and realized you’ve never written about Iida before. So guess what? IM gonna be the change…

Could you possibly write a scenario of Iida going through the motions of proposing to the reader? How he’s super meticulous and everything has to go according to plan to where things just…don’t? lol.

But things work out anyways because of course it’s Tenya Iida.

You can do gender neutral or fem, I really don’t care. Thanks!

— lovelyiida ❤︎︎

Perfection t. iida x gn!reader

remi's note: hiiiii!!! i do need to branch out on who i write about don't i? lolll anyway i was super happy to see you requested. you're one of my fav writers on here and it's an honor to write for u!! this is such a cute idea too bc he's def an over thinker and needs everything to go 100% his way. also. wow. this was wayyyy longer than i intended for it to be <3

cw: fluff, slight angst in the beginning, things don't quite go as planned, tenya goes to his big bro for advice, silliness, a little bit of swearing.

He's tense of course, sitting in his office as the time ticks by. He wants to call his brother just one more time but he knows exactly what he's going to say, "Tenya, you're stressing this too much, they're going to say yes." Which is not what he wants to hear. He needs an absolute fool proof plan and then some.

As he's sitting there thinking his secretary walks in, she looks tired and Tenya pities making her stay a little after her shift finished. "Sir, don't you think it's about time for you to head out? I don't mean to intrude but your partner did get off of work about two hours ago, correct?" She asks looking at her watch.

Two hours? He looks back at the clock. His stomach drops automatically, you must be worried about him. Tenya's never more than an hour late from work, except on nights he tells you he'll be working late.

"Oh my, I suppose I should get home.. I didn't realize how much time has passed by." Truth is, he's not ready to go home. There are already about twenty five different failed scenarios he can think of at the top of his head.

The secretary notices this and she gives him a soft smile, "I'm sure they'll say yes, sir. You guys have been together for six years now and for as long as I've worked for you I haven't seen your partner's love waver." He should be comforted by her words but he's too caught up in his thoughts to feel any comfort.

"I can't do it tonight. I wanted to take them out for dinner and do it afterwards but it's too late tonight. I think I'll aim for this weekend." He sighs quietly. This is the 8th time he's failed to propose to you. He really has been trying, but it's so.. hard.

You're amazing in so many ways and such a kind hearted person. At the same time you can be strict and helpful. You're absolutely everything Tenya's wanted and needed in his life, so it's hard. He doesn't want to propose to you only for you to deny him.

These thoughts shouldn't consume him because he knows you love him. You've given him plenty of your firsts, and him the same. That ugly little voice in the back of his mind won't leave him alone though. It's the same voice that made him think avenging his brother for Stain's wrong doing was okay. The same voice that told him it was okay to dress up as a civilian in order to save Bakugo. The same voice that gets him into so much trouble.

"Good night, Ms. Suzuki." He says waving in her direction as he packs every thing in his brief case.

"Good night, Sir, you've got this." She says, and he sucks in a breath as her heels click away from his office.

Does he have this?

He doesn't remember much, doesn't even remember driving home. Yet here he is unlocking the door. Upon opening it he can see the soft glow of the TV in the living room. The smell of take out reaches his nose and he immediately relaxes.

"I'm home, baby." He says loud enough for you to hear. His eyes soften as you jump up off the couch to greet him.

"And where were you at mister?" There's a smirk covering your face and he opens his arms to embrace you in a hug.

"Work," he sighs before continuing, "I didn't notice the time until Ms. Suzuki mentioned it." He hears you click your tongue. He feels so at home with your arms wrapped around his neck.

"If you keep overworking that poor lady she might just quit." He smiles at your lecture.

"I know, I know. Tell me about your day? I'm not feeling too good." He says quietly.

"Sick?" You ask checking his forehead. He shakes his head 'no'.

"I just feel like shit right now." He slumps slightly. Your eyes soften and you lead him to the table for some dinner.

He listens to you talk about your promotion and how one of your co workers pulled you aside to tell you that you did not deserve your new position.

"Congratulations, my dear. I wish I could have bought you some flowers. I didn't receive your messages, because I had my personal phone off today. Also don't take their word to heart, they're just jealous of you." He picks up some noodles with his chopsticks.

"It's nothing to worry about Tenya, I promise. Also I know they were jealous but it's still hard to ignore. What about you? How was your day?" He wants to tell you, he really does. He wants to tell you about how much he's struggled to propose to you these last few weeks but he doesn't.

"Nothing really interesting happened today, just the usual." You can tell there's something he's not telling you but instead of prying you nod your head. If he wants to tell you he will.

It's been about four days since then and Tenya is sitting in his brother's home holding his nephew.

"Uncle Tenya?" The small child asks.

"Yes, Hachiro?" He looks just like his mother Tenya thinks. The only feature the little boy did get from Tensei was his red eyes.

"When will you marry [name]? I want a cousin." Tenya's first question is does he know how kids are made?

"Well, um. I'm not sure. I haven't asked them yet. What do you mean you want a cousin?" He asks the child to elaborate.

"Well I mean my mommy and daddy had me somehow so you and [name] can get me a cousin, right? I want someone to play with." He sounds sincere and it makes his heart tug a little bit. Hachiro is absolutely adorable.

"Don't bother your uncle with such questions, your friend is here for your playdate." Tensei says to Hachiro who immediately hops out of Tenya's lap to run down the stairs where his mother and best friend await him.

"That kid, he's something alright." Tensei chuckles sitting down with two cups of tea.

"Thank you for letting me come over on such short notice." Tenya's stressed because he believes tomorrow is the day he will actually ask the question.

"Of course, what's up little bro?" Tensei sips at his tea.

"I think tomorrow- tomorrow I'm going to do it. For real this time." His breathing becomes shaky and his brother's eyes light up.

"You can do it, Tenya. Let me tell you from experience, it won't be a perfect fairytale proposal but in the end it will work out. When I decided to marry Maria it was so awkward because I had to have our translator there to tell her what I was saying. Since then, I've been learning english. She loves to look back and laugh at our engagement though." He says with a smile.

Tenya thinks to the day his brother called him and told him that he asked Maria to marry him. Tenya asked him if he learned the phrase in english to which he responded with "um... our translator was there to tell her what I was saying and vice versa." He thought it was the silliest thing he'd ever heard.

"Basically my proposal can't be worse than yours?" Tenya asks with a smirk to which is brother playfully punches his shoulder.

"That is not what I said you little brat." The two break into laughter and Tenya feels much lighter.

"I've got to go get things set up." He responds standing up. His brother also stands up and the two hug each other.

"Call me and tell me how it goes afterward!" He nods and on the way out he tells his nephew and sister in law goodbye.

You were still at work by the time Tenya got home. He calls your favorite restaurant. In order to ask of a special request. He knows they don't do reservations but he wants to know if he can make an exception for this special moment.

"Sorry sir, we don't do reservations. It's a policy." The woman over the phone says and he's crushed.

Suddenly he has the idea to order out, "Can I call back tomorrow and place an order for pick up?"

"You most certainly can, Sir!" Her voice has no hatred just pure kindness.

"Alright, thank you. Goodbye." As soon as she says bye back to him he hangs up quickly forming a plan. He'll order your favorite food to go and set up a cute date at your favorite park, then when you're finished eating, the two of you will walk over to the water fountain you met at and he'll get down on one knee for you.

It's simple, he'd really love to go all out but he can't bear the stress of something potentially going wrong.

He hopes you'll like it.

He asked you to meet up at the park you used to frequent when you guys first started dating.

He's shaking slightly, while looking at the placement of the rose petals and candles. He'd sent a picture to his brother and Midoriya for assurance. Both told him it looked really good.

He's dressed in a blue button down and black slacks, not too fancy but not plain.

He sees you walk up to the table, a smile finds its way to your face and your eyes sparkle.

"What's all of this?" You ask. He helps you sit down on the wooden bench. You take in the beautifully set table. It's slightly windy but you don't mind.

"Um. I- i uh you know. Felt like we haven't been on a proper date in awhile so decided to set up a little something."

"Well you've out done yourself, baby. This looks so pretty." A little bit of stress is lifted off his shoulders. He's happy to hear you compliment his work.

The two of you eat your favorite food. You happen to notice another white box that sits closer to the end of the table.

"Ooooo, is that the cake I like from that place?" You ask pointing at the box. He nods quickly. His face flushes slightly when he sees you smile. It warms his heart.

"It is." You look into his red eyes trying to find the true meaning of this date, but your boyfriend is good at keeping his composure.

You won't give up much to his dismay, "This must be a very special dinner if you got me this cake." He shakes his head and shrugs.

"I promise it's nothing out of the ordinary." He calmly baits you into a different topic of some of your favorite foods which you go on about for twenty seven minutes. Yes, he was counting.

"Are you ready for cake?" He shouldn't even have to ask because he already knows the answer but he asks anyway.

"Of course I want cake! Can I cut it?" Tenya's calm demeanor drops right at that moment. He's starting to panic because he didn't bring a knife for the cake. It's only a minor inconvenience but still causes him to doubt himself.

"I'm guessing you didn't bring a knife, huh? It's alright, I'll cut it with the end of the fork!" You scooch over to grab the box, mouth watering at the thought of your favorite cake.

"You sure? I could run down to the nearest convenience store and-"

"Relax, honey, you're over thinking this. We won't die, I promise." Your words ground him. He takes deep breathes until he's calm again.

"Right. Sorry my love." The disappointment on his face causes you to frown.

"Aw come on, don't apologize. I promise it's fine." You cup his chin with your free hand and he leans into the touch with a small smile.

"Are we walking to the fountain? I'm stuffed, I don't wanna walk too far." He nods at your question. He's smiling like a teenaged boy and you're wondering what he's up too.

With your hands intertwined and the cool wind hitting your face, you feel content. There's no place on earth you'd rather be than right here.

The beautiful fountain where you met Tenya was close in sight. You could see the lights that were placed inside of it shining brightly.

There's a small thunk that reaches your ears and you turn around thinking you might have dropped something.

When you stop to turn around, you notice a small velvety box that had fallen to the ground.. it must be Tenya's.

"Tenya, wait. You dropped something." He turns around to see what it is and when he does all the color drains from his face.

"Fuck... fuck! The one time everything needs to be perfect I fuck it up." He says cursing himself. You realize what the box is and a giddy feeling takes over.

"Tenya, please calm down. It's okay I'll pretend I didn't see it." You say closing your eyes. It makes him chuckle a little bit to see you act so innocent.

"I appreciate the effort but the surprise is ruined..." He sighs and rubs his face roughly.

"Tenyaaaa. Were you going to take me where we first met and propose?" You ask with a wobbly smile.

"Mhm." You can tell he's upset over it being "ruined" but this is about the happiest day of your life. He's so sweet and thoughtful and knowing him he's probably been stressing this for a long time.

"My poor boyfriend stressing this moment, oh come here baby." You stretch your arms out for a hug and he doesn't hesitate to hug you back.

"Yes, by the way." You whisper into his ear and he scoffs playfully.

"I can I ask the question first?" You roll your eyes the stray tears falling onto his shirt.

"[name], I can't even lie I've been stressing this moment for the past couple of weeks. Let me tell you it has NOT been easy. I've consulted to my brother and Midoriya countless times in order to ensure a perfect proposal and if I'm being honest I should have taken Tensei's advice of 'it won't be perfect' it would have saved me a lot of stress.... but, would you do the honor of marrying me, being my equal, and staying with me through any and everything?" His voice is shaky and he's blushing so hard that you want a picture to show to everyone.

"Yes! Yes I will. WOOP WOOP. He likes it so he's about to put a ring on it!!!" You yell in excitement to no one in particular.

He's crying and laughing at how silly you are.

"I don't know what I was so afraid of."

"Me either!" You agree.

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words-like-water · 1 year

Text

You're My Angel

or the one where running errands with peter makes you realize your feelings for him.

wooo! first published story. it has not been betad so if you're looking to be a mutual/beta reader pleeeease hit me up

peter parker x fem!reader

word count: 2,700

warnings: none really. angst if you squint bc unrequited love that ends up requited

i don't like using y/n so peter and the reader call each other lots of nicknames.

nothing. nothing. nothing.

nothing in the fridge, nothing in the cabinets. no ingredients, barely any snacks. the only tangible things in my kitchen are a bottle of ketchup and multiple almost-rotten fruits. i slam the refrigerator door shut and lean against it with a sigh.

i guess next time i should stock up before a mission. living with my mom has its. we get along, and we don't get in each other's way; she's always at work and i'm always at "avenger club" as she likes to call it. however, being the only other person living here also means that if she doesn't buy groceries, it's my responsibility.

i'm contemplating using instacart for groceries when my phone rings in its spot on the counter. picking it up, a smile finds its way to my face as i see who's calling me.

"hiiii, angel!"

peter parker's voice pours from my phone's speakers. it's music to my ears. peter and i have known each other since he joined the avengers, two years after i had. we've been inseparable since that week in haiti, saving civilians from a freak tropical storm.

we had so much in common, from our love of legos to our protective sense for the people we care about. my friends like his friends, and vice versa. even my mom and may get along.

we're like peanut butter and jelly, chicken and waffles, and cookies and milk. we're great on our own, but together, we just make something amazing. wait, what?

i shake the ridiculous thought from my head as i remember i'm on the phone.

"what do you want, parker?" there's a playful accusatory tone in my voice as I cross my arms like he can see me.

"whatever do you mean? i can't just call my best friend because i want to talk to her?"

i roll my eyes and say, "peter, you only call me angel when you want something." and i know i'm right. he's called me angel ever since we went on a mission where i basically saved his life. he knows it strokes my ego.

"fine, you caught me. may's at this thing with some ladies she met at the library. i'm soooo bored."

"well you're in luck," i proclaim, pushing off of the fridge and walking down the hallway. "i need to run errands, you can come with me."

i hear something like plastic rustling on his end of the phone before he groans, "ew, errands? no thanks." his words are almost incoherent around a snack of some sort.

making it into my room, i drop my phone on the bed and start to change out of my sweats. "okay, stay at home and be bored out of your mind. and when i go to delmar's later don't ask me to bring you anything." i smirk at the commotion i hear from his side as i pull on a different shirt.

"delmar's? i'll be at your house in 10," he says loud and clear, then he hangs up.

I shake my head while messing with my hair a bit. not that i care what i look like in front of peter, i just like to be decent anytime i leave the house.

---

true to his word, peter knocked on my door 10 minutes later. his cheeks tinted red and his hair unruly.

"did you swing here?" i ask him, reaching up to comb through the curls until they lay somewhat flat. he leans down a bit and allows me to work, his hair like silk between my fingers.

"yeah, the sooner we do boring grown-up stuff, the sooner we can get sandwiches." he looks at me with a gleam in his eyes that never disappears.

i push his head away lightly as a grab my purse and keys. "you only wanna run errands with me so i'll buy you food? you're such a leech, parker." i say with fake hurt in my voice as i turn to lock the door.

"awww. that's not true, i'd run errands with you anytime, angel." he coos, and i have to force myself to remain standing as he runs his fingertips down my spine.

i narrow my eyes at him to hide the fact that i'm wracking my brain for possible explanations of why he could have done that. there had to be something on my shirt. that gesture was pure friendliness, right? and better question, why did it make my knees feel weak as toothpicks?

"whatever, liar." i laugh a little to keep my voice steady as i brush past him towards the elevator.

as we get in, he asks me what kind of errands i need to run. first, the library to return some books, then groceries. then we can get delmar's i assure him.

the walk from my apartment building to the library isn't long, and once i return the books, we head for the grocery store. between the destinations, we talk about school, different shows, and our secret "club," but only with codenames in case anyone is listening. we people watch and play games, and every now and then i feel peter's hand brush mine. only slightly, like it was an accident, i pray it was an accident.

we reach the grocery store, and like the gentleman he is, he grabs a basket while i look for the list in my purse.

"okay, first things first, cereal." i declare, walking in one direction. they had recently rearranged the layout of the store, but i was confident that i knew where i needed to go. i turn to say something to peter when i realize he's walking the opposite way.

"peter," i call for him, "where are you going?"

"...to..get..cereal?" he points out like i've just asked him the most obvious question.

"baby," i condescendingly say, "cereal's this way," i point in the direction i was originally going.

"no, sweetheart, cereal is this way." he juts his thumb in the direction he was going.

"alright, parker." i walk closer to him. "since you think you know everything, let's make it a game."

"okay," he smirks as he crosses his arms, "i'm listening." his tongue swiping across his bottom lip.

my eyes catch on his thick arms, straining against his sweatshirt. stupid spider. and i have to rip my eyes away from the motion at his lips to continue my thoughts. what is wrong with me today?

"for every item on the list," i fight to keep my eyes on his, "we'll make a bet about which side of the store it's on. whoever loses the most has to buy dinner."

he nods along to what i'm saying, seemingly contemplating, but i can already see the mischief in his eyes. "i'll play your game, but when you lose just know i'm ordering everything delmar's makes."

"oh please, be my guest," i nod along with him, "i just hope you've got enough cash to back yourself up."

in the next second, he's in my space. barely three inches away as my breath catches in my throat.

"so, cereal... lead the way."

---

i turn on my heels, speeding towards where i know the cereal is. he doesn't expect me to move so quickly, as he's still standing where i was a second ago. but he reacts, catching up to me slightly.

my heart is beating fast and hard, and i pray he can't hear it. i can't think for the life of me why he's acting like this. he can't like me. we're friends. that's how i know that peter is awkward. and he's shy, especially with girls that he likes. but he's not shy right now. he's being so forward. which means...

he doesn't like me, he's playing with me. this really is a game to him. he only calls me angel when he wants something.

i almost pass what i'm looking for in my scatterbrained state. "see," i motioned, "there it is, like i said."

i grab what i need and put it in the basket, barely looking at him, though i can feel his confusion at my change in emotion. i take the list, putting my initial next to the first item, and read off the second item to him. we place our bets, and head in his direction first. it turns out to be correct, so i check off the item and write his initial. we continue this for the rest of the items, but my mind begins to wander again.

i can't believe peter would mess with me like this. playing with my feelings. feelings that i didn't even know i had. i try to think about when they could have developed, and it dawns on me. as i watch him put bread in the basket, an item i was right about, i realize why today is different.

peter and i had never run errands together. being in such a domestic situation with someone i had come to care for so much made me realize just how much i like peter. of course, when i first met him, i thought he was attractive, but more so, i found him adorable. and he's funny, and he cares so much. and throughout the years he's done everything he can to make me happy. running errands with him made me think of the future. our future and how this could be us one day, making groceries for our apartment.

but it will never be us, because peter doesn't feel that way, and he's playing with me, and it hurts more than i can admit.

i don't hear whatever gloating statement he makes as he wins the next item, fruits and vegetables, and he notices. his face falls as he assesses what might be wrong, and i can feel my throat close at the thought of having this conversation. the universal, friendship-ending, i-like-you-why-don't-you-like-me-back conversation. i cough, clearing my face of any emotion except feigned annoyance.

"good job. you're in the lead by one. the last item is jam, and i think it's this way, so let's go."

i don't give him a chance to say anything as i take the basket, and head in the direction i indicated. i can feel him keeping his distance, but i don't bother to look behind me. it's good that he can feel his game ending. maybe we can go back to being regular friends after this. hopefully.

we reach the shelves filled with jellies, jams, syrups, and preserves. it's exactly where i thought it was, although a little high, and i mark my initials next to it. peter congratulates me quietly. i make no comment about how we're tied now, and i reach for it, just aching to hurry up and get out of this store and go home.

i can't reach it, not even on my tippy toes, so i step on the lowest shelf to give myself a boost. i feel my fingers graze the jar, and i almost have it when i hear peter.

"angel, you're gonna hurt yourself, just let me get it."

and it's a good thing that his hand is hovering over my lower back, waiting for permission. because hearing him call me that name, the one that doesn't sound the same anymore, makes me falter, and with my weight of center because of the basket, i slip off the shelf.

it's not that high off the ground, but in my distressed state, it startles me nonetheless. peter catches me, one arm on my back and one arm around my front. i'm sure he can feel my heavy breaths, my beating heart.

he takes the basket, sets it on the ground, and i can feel it before he says it. it takes everything in me not to cry. it's not enough.

"are you okay, angel?"

next thing i know, i'm angrily wiping tears from my face and pushing him away from me.

"stop it. stop calling me that," i say between deep breaths.

"okay. i'm sorry. i thought you liked it." he steps towards me, hands up, with an apologetic shrug.

he's right. and that's the problem.

"i do; i do like it. but not like this, not when you don't mean it." i see his brows furrow.

"wh-what do you mean, 'i don't mean it'?" i don't realize he's so close now, and as he places his hands gently on my arms, i don't stop him.

steadying myself, i gaze at my shoes. unable to look at him as i rip my heart out to put it on my sleeve.

"you only call me angel when you want something. but today was different, and i hadn't put two and two together until just now. when you brushed my back in front of my apartment, and when you kept touching my hand on our walk, and when you got in my space when we first got here, it all drove me insane. and you keep calling me angel, but it's different, and now i know why. because you're messing with me, peter parker. and it hurts because i really, really like you, but this is just a game to you. which hurts even more because i never thought that you would do something like this."

i finish my rambling in sniffles, and i wait with bated breath for him to laugh in my face.

"aw, baby," his hands cupping my face coax me to look at him. "do you know why i call you angel? hm?"

"because i saved your life," i sniffle and try to look back at the floor. but he holds me in place, dipping his head to keep eye contact with me.

"well yes, but also, because you're my angel. any time i hear you laugh, it makes my heart feel like it's gonna beat out of my chest. and you're so beautiful, all the time, it's like you're glowing. but most of all, just like an angel, you make my world a better place just by being in it."

it's easier for me to breathe now. and i don't think i've ever been happier than i am in this moment. i bet i look hysterical, covered in tears, and standing on the jelly aisle.

"if you really like me, why did you act like that, all bold and stuff?" I'm starting to calm down, "the peter parker i know is awkward when he likes a girl, always."

peter's cheeks go pink, and it's his turn to struggle to hold eye contact.

"i don't know, when i asked mr. stark what i should do about liking you, he told be to be bold because girls like that. i guess i didn't think about if that would work with you."

his thumbs caress back and forth against my cheeks absentmindedly.

"well, it doesn't work with me," i place my hands on his wrists, my thumbs mirroring his motion. "i want awkward peter parker."

his face is slowly inching towards mine, and this time i don't mind.

"oh yeah?," his eyes flicker to my lips before returning to mine. "i promise i'll go back to being awkward, right after this."

he presses his lips gently against mine, the salt from my dried tears present between us as i kiss him back. even though we were standing in the middle of a grocery store, it was the softest, most romantic experience i've ever had. i wouldn't change a thing. as his tongue brushed against my bottom lip, i had no choice but to regard the fact that we were in public.

"okay, tiger," i pulled back, reluctantly.

the pink in his cheeks deepened drastically.

"see," i move my hands to cup his face now, "there's my peter parker."

he turns my hand to kiss my palm, then the other. we separate long enough for him to grab the jam and place it in the basket, picking it up. then, he wraps his free arm around me and pulls me into his side.

"i know we tied, but will you still buy me dinner?", i ask as we walk towards the checkout line.

he laughs and kisses my temple, "yes angel, i'll buy you dinner."

#peter parker x reader #peter parker fluff #tom holland x reader #peter parker #tom holland #spider man x reader #spider man

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clonerightsagenda · 9 months

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Author's notes for Sick aka I ramble about my complex Disability Feelings

When you're sick, especially given the dominance of the medical model of disability, it's easy to view your body as a separate adversary, and this scenario takes it to the extreme of completely removing yourself from your body. I've talked before on this blog about my complicated feelings on magic disability cures - I don't like them in fiction; I'd like one myself in real life - and this is me contemplating 'what if'?

I do not like being sick. It is painful, time-consuming, expensive, and frequently embarrassing. I wish it had not happened to me. But being disabled is now a major part of my identity and experience - it's probably the first label I would list when thinking about the different facets that impact my life. Being disabled has made me more aware of disability justice issues and changed the way I relate to and rely on other people. In some ways that sucks - it's progressively taken over what I eat, where I work, where I live (which I also take to the extreme in this story with ambiguously literal possession) - but in other ways, I think the disability community often has a much better worldview than mainstream America. I'm glad I've become more aware of some of those perspectives and issues. And because disability has shaped so much of my life for the past... six? years, for good and for ill, it's hard for me to conceive of what my life would be like without it. How would I think about myself? What would I do? This is my new normal, like it or not. I don't remember what it's like to make a fist painlessly.

An added wrinkle is that autoimmunity is my body Trying Its Best. I make a lot of jokes about my body trying to kill me because that's how it shakes out (please, little guys in my blood, stop eating my bones) but autoimmunity is a trauma response. My body got clobbered by so many outside poisons that it can't recognize what a real threat is anymore. It's trying to protect me and doing a terrible job. It's another place where you can look at your body as an external adversary versus a system that your mind is also a part of. But also no matter how you look at it, I am still sick.

There's also some stuff in the piece about the helplessness that comes from being sick which (surprise!) I also have mixed feelings about. Because it sucks not having control over your body! I want to be supervising that shit. But also... I don't know how common this is, but there is a weird kind of comfort in being tucked in bed with someone else taking care of me. I even find going into surgery oddly relaxing because for a while my life will be someone else's problem.

At the same time I also worry that I'm using disability as an excuse. Am I begging off attending something because I really am tired or worried about exposure/overwork or do I just not want to go?

Finally we have Aro Angst because that's always on my mind. And it's extra on my mind in the context of disability because what if I get to the point where I can't take care of myself anymore? I don't have a romantic partner to help me or to provide health insurance if I can't work. I live near my parents and have passed up job opportunities that would take me further away. Most specifically for this story, even I find myself sometimes falling into the trap of assuming the ultimate endstate of closeness/intimacy would be romantic/sexual bc of cultural conditioning. It's annoying! So the character (Dani, I named her Danielle in a reference to the Daniel/the cooler Daniel meme) is still seeking the community, care, and closeness she experienced as part of the disabled community, and the messier weirder intimacy of feeling connected to her own body, but she's struggling with interpreting that through cultural norms of amatonormativity. Sometimes 'I want to be inside you/I want you inside me' is, shockingly, not a sex thing. Hence, toxic nonhorny clone makeouts. I guess???

Side note: I've mentioned this wrt pieces I've written with aromanticism that follow a similar pattern of taking something I am at least not too consciously dramatic about and making the MC a pathetic wet cat about it. I guess they are serving the purpose of Everyman in a medieval morality play here. They are crash test dummies I am flinging at walls to count the cracks. Not great character writing but that's not what this is about rn.

#kat writes #chronic illness blogging

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actualbird · 1 year

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woop i guess here i go− does it ever bother u how they don't really ever quite explain what's going on with luke's illness other than "aAAAH he'S sUDDENLY in PAIN!!1!1!" and some sort of nerve damage and what not... not that it doesn't make it any less sadder... BUT!!! sometime ago i looked up the symptoms of nerve damage and apparently it says stuffs like sharp pains (which we see happen often to luke through out) BUT ALSO numbness, tingling, loss of muscle strength, and suddenly dropping stuff??? so i'm just wondering if you have any headcanons on luke's illness? DO YOU THINK HE'S JUST IN CONSTANT STINGING PAIN, AND HIS PAIN KILLERS ARE SO STRONG IT JUST NUMBS HIS WHOLE BODY??? OR DO YOU THINK HE ALTERNATES BETWEEN FEELING NUMB AND SUDDEN SHARP PAINS??? this has been my personal hc ever since jfjsjd i'm sorry you could see i'm a luke stan cause all luke stans are angst enjoyers /hj i just wanted to share my brain rot to the world thank you

hi anon!!! first off, i deffo wanna say uve come to the right place both abt luke hcs (because im a luke enjoyer first, a human being second) AND thoughts about his illness

tho i wouldnt say im bothered by how they dont explain the symptoms of his illness much since narratively, i can see how this would be necessary to maintain a certain amount of suspense on the NXX drug

however, ur so right in bringing up those other symptoms, bc ive got a bunch of thoughts and feelings about this!!

for context, i also have a longtime undiagnosed-after-years-of-tests neurological condition, but it's not serious and more just a lifetime inconvenience. i experience muscle myoclonus, which means that at any time without warning, my legs, arms, or neck can suddenly jerk into movement and ive actually got a bunch of those symptoms u mention haha!

but enough about that! lemme go thruuuuu

some of my thoughts/hcs on luke's illness

wc: 1.7k

before i start, this is whole thing is going to be mixing fiction (tot's story) and fact (IRL information on certain illnesses, medications, etc). the fiction bit is important because while tot describes luke's condition and shows us its effects, does Not name what it is, and the whole thing is still shrouded in a lot of mystery. but the fact bit is important because there are real conditions out there that are similar to what luke has, based on what we know.

among them, Fibromyalgia seems like the closest real world condition to what luke has got, but since it's not outright stated in canon, i'll be making some stuff up. still, it's important to me to have like, a somewhat sensible system in making stuff up, which is why im laying down all this ground work jhvjdhsfd, and because in the hc portion of this post i'll be riffing off of some of my own experience

anyhoo, let's REALLY start with what we already Know

what we know of luke's illness thus far from all the available story information from the global server

key words in that above title are "global server", because im aware that main story episode 9 in the cn server looks like it'll give us more info on this, but i dont like to or want to spoil myself for tot's future main story. so i'll be working within global server parameters!

so heres everything we know (...or rather, what i was able to remember in the course of me writing this response HAHA), as its been outright said and confirmed in canon:

luke's condition is currently diagnosed as terminal

luke's condition mostly manifests in sudden pain episodes that happen randomly and without warning. these pain episodes are not described to be coming from any specific body part, just that it's pain in general.

these pain episodes happen without any external trigger (i.e. luke doesnt have a pain episode when somebody bumps into him suddenly, but he can have a pain episode out of nowhere just doing something as passive as sitting or standing)

immediately after a pain episode, he takes his meds

these meds are analgesics (painkillers) and he was prescribed them by his previous doctor (the one who was handling luke and his condition before aaron)

even now that aaron has taken over as luke's primary physician, luke still takes painkillers immediately after any pain episode to manage the pain

luke's condition was caused by the NXX drug. after a mission where his team was attacked with toxic gas, he was the only survivor and the medicine he was given was somehow contaminated with the NXX substance

the NXX drug causes damage to the central nervous system, and luke's condition is confirmed to be related to his nervous system because in SSR Under The Milky Way, he describes his condition very specifically with the lines "[The contaminant] caused irreversible damage to my nervous system." and "[I] will constantly suffer from intermittent nerve pain."

hcs on The Experience Of The Condition

the main physical symptom we see in canon is pretty clear: sudden and randomly occurring debilitating pain. i like to think it's of the stinging variety!! but dialed up to 10000000 because it's always shown to be intense enough that always luke reacts to the pain. and luke's pain tolerance is High. in personal story 4, he didnt even flinch when mc was stitching up his gash, but he did double over in pain, trembling and shaking, when he got hit with one of the pain episodes.

in addition to the pain though, i totally second the motion on the symptoms of numbness, tingling, loss of muscle strength (which then leads him to train more to compensate for any loss, because luke is a madman with low self worth and one of his skills is his physical strength so he needs to keep that up for as long as he can), and suddenly dropping stuff, the ones you mention. a

those are my thoughts on possible physical symptoms. but with a condition as heavy as this, there will be psychological/emotional ramifications too

because of how tot's canon shows luke experiencing the Pain Symptom, the pain itself is put front and center. but personally i also think that the fact this symptom occurs Randomly, Suddenly, and Without Warning is on the same level of "oh god why this" as the pain

in general, not being able to know when your body is going to start working against you really really sucks! you cant prevent it, you cant avoid it, and you cant see it coming. sure you Can prepare for its random eventuality through out the day, which is what luke does by carrying around his painkillers everywhere with him, but even then, that only alleviates the specific instance currently happening and not the overall trend of It'll Happen Again! When? Secret....

it's hugely frustrating. in my case with involuntary movement, eventually i tried to constantly and impossibly try to expect it so that when it does happen, i dont knock over glass to the floor or fall down the stairs

but always trying to expect something you cant predict causes tension and anxiety.

luke's condition is much more severe and painful than my quirk. so keeping a mental background program, so to speak, always running and looking out for a pain episode of his condition must suck bigtime.

because he'll basically always be bracing himself for pain, even when nothing is happening.

and on a metaphorical level, being constantly braced for pain even when things are fine is something luke does A Lot. luke is always worried and preparing for worst case scenarios, luke is always trying to think ahead to have various backup plans to ensure people's safety, and luke seems more used to pain and bad things than he is prepared for happiness and good things.

bracing himself for pain gives luke a semblance of control over something that is terrifyingly out of his control completely. at least if hes always thinking about its inevitability, he'll have things that can help mediate its effects. but the price for that control is a constant tension and dread building inside of him every second, because hes always waiting for the other shoe to drop

my ideal hope for luke's story when a kind of treatment for his condition is found

i dont actually want for the condition to be completely cured. like, dont get me wrong, i obviously want the Terminal aspect of his condition treated because i love him and want him to live a long and happy life, but i dont want all of his symptoms gone. personally, i'd find it much more compelling narratively if his condition is treated and will no longer kill him in a few years, but still causes him pain that needs to be managed with meds and other treatments. and why i want this is because:

1 ) given the sheer struggle of his condition in the story thus far AND the fact that luke himself literally said the damage done to his nervous system is Irreversible, having a medical miracle like that happen feels a teensy bit like a deus ex machina to me. (sidenote: ofc, ur free to disagree with me! and feel free to disagree with this whole post in general, we've all got different opinions and thats chill)

2 ) in general with stories, i am less drawn to super neat resolutions and im more drawn to resolutions that are more like "and things werent perfect and they never will be, there will always be problems, but our characters will be okay and theyll keep getting better and better, and it's in this push and pull of struggle and learning and progress and getting through where their happiness lies"

ever since luke was a kid, even before he developed his condition, hes had the fear of being a burden to his loved ones. and when he does get his terminal condition, this fear is worsened and he starts to see his existence in other people's lives as a whole as a burden of pain and grief that isnt worth the trouble. and...i dunno, i just like the idea of him continuing to live but also continuing to have these problems that still spark fear inside of him and still take so much work to manage every day. and out of habit, he braces himself for pain, not just for the kind his condition gives him but from Life because Surely, His Loved Ones Will Get Tired Of All Of This, Of Him and The Problems He Comes With, Right?

but surprise surprise, they dont. because they care about him. because this should not and is not a dealbreaker for them continuing to care about him.

aaron creates treatment thats more on the preventative maintenance meds angle so luke doesnt have to just wait for a pain episode to pop up and then dry swallow painkillers every time. it's not infallible , but sometimes luke can have hours, even a whole a day sometimes where the pain hes bracing himself for doesnt come.

mc always reminds luke to take his meds whenever luke gets too busy or caught up in a case. he worries at first that it's an inconvenience to her for her to have to remember his routines for him just in case, but that worry becomes quieter as luke realizes she reminds him in the same tone as she says "good morning" or "have you had lunch yet? wanna join me?", just this casual and loving thing thats now integrated into both their lives

the team are always ready to help too in their own way. when luke gets a pain episode in hq, marius offers distraction in the form of idle chatter on (harmless) internal pax gossip while luke waits for his painkillers to dull down the stinging. when luke feels uncomfortable tingling crawling across his whole body while out with vyn, vyn subtly helps luke move from a crowded area to a quieter one where outside stimuli cant further overwhelm luke's senses. when it's a bad grip strength day and all luke wants to do is punch something and fuck his useless hands up even more, artem tells luke about custom silicone grips that exist for things like pens or knives or such and that they could look for some next time they go shopping.

it is not perfect. but luke's life, even with the pain, is still worth living. everybody is trying to help and eventually, luke learns how to start helping him self along with them too.

soooo yea theres my thoughts!! thanks for the ask, anon :D

#tears of themis #luke pearce #tot luke #xia yan #sorry this ask took forever for me to answer btw huhu...im always ded these days orz #asks #anon

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apenapaperandadoofus · 2 years

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OK OK OK

So listen: from what I remember (I read the manga like two weeks ago and it was during exams time so my memory is fuzzy) Operation Strix is supposed to be a peaceful way for Loid to talk to Donovan and put an end to the war- obviously through negotiation.

Now I assume that means that they will not put Donovan in harms way (example, just killing him instead- obviously that would be stupid for so many reasons but they do want peace)

BUT

A thing Loid said at the end of this week’s episode just- it destroyed me

At one point in the end he said something along the lines of “anyway if it comes to it there are plenty of ways to kill Donovan secretly/without anyone finding out”

And like I guess that’s just the last resort plan bUT IMAGINE LIKE

An au where there’s angst (bc I love breaking my heart :D)

So imagine; even though Anya and Damian become close, for some reason or other, let’s say Donovan decided to speed up the war’s process- anyway the thing is the spy agency finds no other solution than to kill him.

Afterwards the Forger family does stay together, we can say Loid got attached and they find out about their secrets etc etc so they move away, get new identities and leave.

Damian suddenly comes home to find his father dead, and him and his brother being questioned by da police or smth.

I don’t remember how old Demetrius is so we’re going to skip over that part but anyhow

Damian finds out about his father and he’s obviously mad but for drama reasons (and something I can strangely see happening to him if it came to it) he does a complete 180°. He obviously wants to impress his father, I mean iirc he says he wants to be like him and stuff- and anyway since he’s so young he gets so angry by this that he decides to avenge him. Yup you heard that right (all soap opera drama in here lmao)

Anyway since he’s so young and he doesn’t really understand why what his father wanted was yknow, wrong, he gets raised in a really military-ish ambient. He drops out of Eden and also moves somewhere else. NOW I want more drama (when do I not lol) SO even though Damian’s brother is full on set to cause war and havoc again, all Damian wants is to destroy the people that killed him (AKA WISE, aka Loid) but he doesn’t really get in his brother’s way.

Since he’s the second son he doesn’t get full control of his fathers company- that’s Demetrius’ job- b u t he can still be second in command (hey maybe even be a part of the police Yuri’s a part of? Maybe??? I think Yuri worked for Donovan aNYWAY) so Damian becomes business man by day, and spy/police officer (?) by NIGHT. He mostly focused on stealing info tho, he’s not really the one you call for action packed missions but mostly for more tactical stay in the shadows and steal info kinda ones.

Now- let’s go back a bit and talk about Anya.

She moves away and both Loid and Yor find out about her powers, along with a few higher ups at the agency. Loid obviously doesn’t let them touch his precious daughter, so they decide to recruit Anya as a spy, since her abilities are obviously an added plus.

Anya grows up learning from Loid and Yor how to fight and how to be a spy. She’s more of a fighter though, and becomes pretty amazing combat wise. (You see where I’m getting at pft Ying Yang y’all)

A few years down the line the Desmond company has grown again, and they find out that the new heir is trying to start up war again.

Anya, having already formed part of Operation Strix gets called into Operation Strix 2.0 (or smth I’m not good with names)

Anya gets sent back to where she used to live before and starts working for the Desmond’s company and gets tasked with getting near to one of the sons to get information about the war. Her main task: kill the remaining Desmonds and stop war (since they weren’t able to gain peace, they realized they should destroy all the Desmond’s, since the whole thing can happen again so it’s better to just nip it the bud) idk if I used it right English isn’t my main language aNYWAY

Damian was working overseas, and Anya somehow managed to get in kahoots with his brother (she went high up on the ladder quickly and they’re “friends”), who unlike Donovan is out and about in the open, making him an easy target for Anya.

While she’s getting to know ya boi DUN DUNNNN

Damian appears!!!

Now keep in mind Damian has only heard rumors about Anya’s family so he doesn’t know Loid was the one behind his fathers death- but he knows she had something to do with it.

So he starts off with Anya on the wrong foot (they meet somewhere in the company where Damian explodes, he is not happy with Anya and Anya ain’t taking any shit from him)

Like he is legitimately mad at her now, since he feels betrayed and hurt and he wants to hold her so badly but nO she had something to do with his father.

NOW for more drama, Demetrius comes to him and tells him, hey Anya might actually be a spy, I want you to get as close to her as you can and uncover all the secrets so we can finally get ahead on the war.

So Demetrius (who doesn’t know they met before) presents them to each other and tries to get them together so Damian can yknow, find out things about WISE.

So now Damian and Anya both are put in a situation where even though they don’t like each other, they gotta get close to the other one to find out things about the other party- and obviously fall in love because YES.

Now the thing is I think both Damian and Demetrius will get some info from some spies that there is an esper working for WISE and Damian figures out it’s Anya, which is why he’s able to keep her in the dark.

Anyway obviously that’s all I have for now lol I came up with it on the spot but like? Isn’t it good and angsty lmaoo

I also want to add Becky since we know the Blackwells are associated with the Desmond’s so either she’s also a spy or like information worker (like Frankie) or she can just be a regular worker. But she’s a bit mad at Anya for leaving her alone all of a sudden but they do get back into friendship mode quickly!

Also I want both Loid and Yor to have a little thing because like: imagine it’s Anya’s first solo mission- she’s a good spy but she’s always worked with her father.

So both Loid and Yor are proud parents but worried parents, so unbeknownst to Anya they FOLLOW her to see how she’s doing- they would never interfere with her mission obviously (she’s made it clear she will be mad at them if they do) they’ll just uh- push her in the right directions sometimes.

I also just find it funny for them to try and hide from Anya while she’s working- and since they know she can read minds now they can keep hidden from her a bit easier and i just find it hilarious for some reason these two going all the way to try and get Anya to not suspect them (which even if they go over the top ridiculous she never seems to figure it out-) also imagine a cute scene where she’s talking to an old man on a bench in the park when she’s all sad (and she doesn’t know it’s Loid) and she’s sad because she just wants to make her family proud and Loid gives her words of encouragement and is so proud but like also oops sir you’re not supposed to blow away your cover and PFtt it’s so cute!

Anyway might write it? Idk maybe? I mean classes are going easy so I could sneak writing a few chapters or two while in class 👀

So what do y’all think? Should something else be added on? Or any other ideas? Cuz idk I think it’s nice shshshs

#damianya #spy x family #anya x damian #spy x family anya #desmond damian #anya forger #spy x family loid #yor briar #loid forger #yor spy x family

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runicmagitek · 5 months

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stole this from @wingsyouburn because why not! Not going to tag anyone, but if you'd like to fill this out yourself, consider yourself tagged!!

How many works do you have on AO3? 384 :')

What's your total AO3 word count? 1,836,435

What fandoms do you write for? Yes.

Ok but real answer? Current active ones are FF, Fire Emblem, and 13 Sentinels. I'll bounce around tho, depending on what inspires me. Like I always dip in and out of any video game fandom.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos? 1) Sweet Dreams (Witch from Mercury, sulemio) 2) Finally, Beautiful Stranger (FFVII, aerti) 3) Wings of Valor and Compassion (Overwatch, pharmercy) 4) Give Them Something to Talk About (TLOU2, Dina/Ellie) 5) No Safety in Desire (BotW, Urbosa/Zelda)

It does please me that my top fics are all femslash HSKDJAJD

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? I definitely try my best to!! Unless it's very rude or makes me uncomfortable in some way, then I either don't comment on those specific bits or just ignore it altogether. I've had a handful of people make very backhanded remarks and I try to give them the benefit of the doubt, but it's really awkward when an absolute stranger treats me with too much familiarity just bc we share the same ship.

What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Probably Limbo? It does not have a happy ending and ends on a very horrifying note. What Becomes of Practice also comes to mind, seeing that the main character goes through hell and ends up dying, though IS reunited with her father in the afterlife 😭

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? God I really don't know. I'm more of an angst writer, so a lot of those happy endings are prefaced with a lot of pain lolsob so I feel pretty much any of my angst with a happy ending fics can qualify for this!! Tho I have received a ton of comments about how fluffy and cozy Finally, Beautiful Stranger's ending was, so I'll pick that one!!

Do you get hate on fics? Not regularly, but it has happened. I've gotten "ew this is gross" remarks on just writing about gay people. I've gotten weird comments about a brief nightmare scene in a fix-it fic, despite tagging for it, bc "she's suffered enough, why would you do this". And more recently, I've gotten some "this doesn't make sense, why would this character ever be depressed/angry" bc I guess female characters who are conveyed as bubbly in the source material aren't allowed to experience any range emotion outside of that and shame on me for wanting to explore darker themes, like recovering from trauma and depression. Bonus points when the male pov character does way more fucked up stuff and no readers call him out on it (sorry, I'm still very bitter about this)

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Hell yeah! All my smut, even my attempts at pwp, always incorporate feelings and more often than not gain a plot along the way. I can't help it. I love the build-up and tension leading to the main event. I need to give my readers blue balls, I guess fjlahdskdh

Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? Not really. I'm more of an AU person than anything. Even going through my fics, the only proper crossover I've written was If You Had Life Eternal, but even that is like, reimagining Warcraft characters in the Diablo universe and that's kinda it.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? SADLY YES >:/ thankfully, it was removed from FFN, but I really hated that someone copy-pasted my fic and just changed the character names to fit their ship.

Have you ever had a fic translated? I have!! Several times!

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Nope. The closest I've come is like, sharing ideas on a single continuity with someone else and then writing it out on my own. I do like collaborative stuff with people I trust, but I don't want to co-write anything lolsob

What's your all-time favorite ship? EVER????? It varies from fandom to fandom, even year to year. Celes/Setzer will always have a special place in my heart, even if I don't write for them as often anymore. But right now, keinatsu is dominating my life and I don't see any light at the end of the tunnel.

What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? God, so many. I have my one Setzer fic that I posted the first chapter, managed to write the second one two years later, and then…. did fuck all with it. Also remembering the Darill/Maria/Setzer longfic I wrote and even did an initial editing pass, but that's now rotting on my laptop. It got a bit too personal at one point and I don't know if I'll ever share it :/ oh and that one Overwatch longfic I got 80k~ into and then abandoned bc the fandom was shitty and I didn't want to invest any more time in it

What are your writing strengths? Dialogue, describing scenery, evoking all kinds of emotions.

What are your writing weaknesses? jfc I'm incapable of shutting up and keeping things short

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? I guess it depends? Like I used French in Darkness/Starlight for Jidoorian and the only times Setzer spoke in that was when he was open about his feelings, but didn't want Celes to know. But if the reader translated those parts, they could get more insight as to where his headspace was at. But normally, I would want things written out in a way that's understandable to the audience. If there's a phrase or whatever in a different language, I try to italicize it, but that's it.

First fandom you wrote for? Vividly remember writing about my self-insert OC in a post-canon FFVII/Sailor Moon crossover that lived in spiral-bound notebooks at the age of 11. But the first fandom I actually posted something for online was Metal Gear Solid back in like… 2001???? It was forever ago lolsob

Favorite fic you've ever written? This changes over time, but I'm still very proud of What Leads You Here. I put a lot of work into it and am so happy I could share it with the fandom and even happier that a ton of folks enjoyed it!!

#runic rambles #meme thing #my writing

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mightbewriting · 6 months

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20 questions for fic writers

thank you @eveningstruggle for the opportunity to procrastinate this morning!

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 32

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 696,261

3. What fandoms do you write for? hp: mostly dramione, but with a whole heaping of miscellaneous other ships

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Wait and Hope

Season Pass (To This Ass)

Beginning and End

A Season For Setting Fires

Lie With Me

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

once upon a time i responded to all of them bc i'm so stupidly grateful that anyone decides to read my work. and i've made some of my best fandom friends through comments. but over time the mental load (replying starts to feel weirdly disingenuous bc of the repetitive nature?? trying not to constantly repeat myself was a wildly unexpected amount of work) and the time commitment (so surprisingly high??) made it such that it was a decision between responding to comments or getting more writing done. i picked being able to actually write new stuff. these days i feel deeply self conscious about replying bc i do it so rarely, and when i do (especially if someone has been leaving the most lovely, thoughtful, regular comments) i feel like more often than not it seems to scare them off?? but i read all of them, i swoon, and i appreciate them more than folks could ever possibly know. there are comments i've gotten that have saved me from scrapping projects, that have turned my whole mindset around on a bad writing day. precious gems, every last one of them.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

hmmmm. probably Intimate Transactions, mostly bc i see people reading it as un-hea surprisingly often. i intended it as hea, with the ending representing a new beginning for both of them, but i concede that i left it just open enough at the end for folks to interpret it as them going their separate ways. both readings are valid, i just didn't intend for it to be read as quite so angsty at the end lol.

whenever i get around to finishing it, Thirty-Seven Years will have the angstiest ending just bc it's canon compliant and...well, the canon story is a bit of a tragedy. but we're not there yet lol.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

lol the vast majority of them. aside from Thirty-Seven Years, as mentioned above, i think everything i write as mightbewriting is hea. i prefer a happy ending, especially one that's hard won. so even if something is incredibly angsty (looking at you A Season for Setting Fires), my preference is almost always to have that angst earn us a happy ending.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

sure do

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i do, and whatever kind fits the story? i guess? sometimes that's more smutty smut, sometimes that's more romantic introspective smut. just depends on the story i'm telling.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

nope

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

at this point, i've lost track of how many times. twice in the last month at least.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

i have! it's SO cool that we have so many people in this fandom able to translate works and make them accessible to a whole new demographic of readers!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

once, accidentally lol.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

dramione

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i'm a compulsive project finisher, though i certainly wish my pace could be what it once was.

16. What are your writing strengths?

imagery, pacing, realistic dialogue, and economy of words.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

idk how to describe this but like...luxuriating in a story more? i'm often so succinct in my 'every word must serve a purpose' ways that i miss opportunities to better set a scene and indulge in the little things that flesh out a world and its characters.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

is this a contentious thing? i see it on things like this a lot and i have literally zero opinions about it. like, you do you. i think i've done this before? still have no strong opinions about it lol.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

🤐

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

this really depends on the day, i think. i couldn't possibly pick a definitive favorite from all my babies.

tagging literally anyone out there who wishes to do this! i think i'm pretty late to the game so if you haven't been tagged and want to play, go for it!

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ashes-writing · 2 years

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I know he doesn’t have a sister in canon but could you please do headcanons for Steve Harrington crushing on his younger sister’s friend? Doesn’t need to be nsfw but I certainly won’t object 😇

Ooh yeah, certainly. I love the idea of this, btw. Thank you for sending me this!! I hope you like this, I really had fun doing it. I really couldn't think of too many NSFW things for this and I felt like it lent more to fluff, so I hope that's okay?

tag list babes || req rules / fandoms+characters;reqs open || got a req or a ? || stranger things masterlist

Warnings ;

Steve and reader are of age, btw. Just before anyone says anything. Everyone is age of consent. even though this one is fluffy/safe. Wait, there is one thing use of nicknames daddy / baby girl, but mostly in jest.

Tag List ;

@aurumbelis

@allelitesmut

@aries-arcade

@cole22ann

@ebonybloom

@heyaitsklaudia

@hcloangcls

@hoeshii

@icequeen1371

@krys-orion

@letsbedragonstogether

@louderfortheback

@musichealsscars

@secretsicanthideanymore

@scoobiessnacks

@thechoiceslookgrimm

@untitledarea - these are all the names on my stranger things taglist. if you'd like to be added, please click the link at the top of the post.

-- First of all, he's probably going to tease them a little. Just a little banter and bickering back and forth, I can kind of see a lot of "Little girl" and "Okay, old man" between the two of them. He'll tell her to go play with toys and she'll tell him to turn up his damn hearing aid. It's done in affection, of course. But he does this as both a defense mechanism (bc all the angst and pain he's been through, iykyk) and to make it not obvious that he does like her.

-- Very protective. Like.. I hc that if he had siblings he'd be a very protective and involved big brother anyway. But now that there's his sister and this girl he's so caught up in, he's always lingering, always quick to step in if they ask for or need him. Will help them when they're a little tipsy and out somewhere, he is always present, watching them like a hawk. And he's real quick to let strange guys who come up to the reader in question that her -and his sister, by default, are with him and the strange guy/person can fuck right off, esp if they're doing anything particularly creepy.

-- I think when they did become friends (it'd take a while, tbh? I feel like with Steve, it takes him some time to warm to people.. again, the issues with his absentee parents) they'd be the kind of friends that flirt and don't realize it.Personal space does not exist with either of them. They're always touching, always standing entirely too close. If they're watching tv, nine times out of ten, her head is on his leg or his head is on hers. People actually assume they're dating long before they actually become a thing.

-- So affectionate, oh my god. So affectionate. To a point where his sister actually does mention that she thinks he likes him and he's stuttering, blushing, an actual mess. He tries to back off and he just can't. Which, of course, leads to baby sis teasing him even more over it and Steve, grouchily telling her to knock it the fuck off. But eventually, he sits her down and tells her like... "Hey.. I do like her a lot. Help?" and his sister definitely does this. Goes above and beyond to play matchmaker, fuck yes.

--- It's over the top, I swear. I can see like... Lots of "oops, my car's being a shit again, guess we call big brother or we walk home?" whenever it's her and the friend in question. Lots of "I'm sick, can't go. But Steve totally wants to see the same movie, you're friends with him, go with him!" and stuff like that.

-- I feel like if/when they get together, the playful teasing continues. We know he'll call himself daddy, "See "Steve's her daddy now" lol" and I feel like he'd probably slip up and call her baby girl on occasion in bed. But when he figures out she likes it -if she does, oh boy.. He's slipping up on her in crowds, hands on her hips when he's ready to leave somewhere and in that sleepy low voice against her ear he's all like "Daddy's tired, baby girl. Let's get outta here."

-- they totally buy each other joke gifts pertaining to the one or two years in between their ages because it's their thing. A cane for Steve one year on his birthday and a pacifier for her on hers, OH.. and for some reason, I firmly believe that when he hits a big milestone birthday (let's say 29 or 30) reader, being a cute little smartass, bakes him a cake and has the whole "over the hill, grandpa" theme going on with it. I feel like there's laughter and him chasing her with the black icing on his fingertip to smear on her nose when he catches her. It's just so v. cute. V.cute.

#steve harrington #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington fanfiction #steve harrington headcanons #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x fem!reader

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coolestwriterartistthatsucks · 1 month

Text

How the Batboys View Food (HCs)

(A/N: BIG OL TRIGGER WARNING. I’ve been writing other stuff on other blogs but I wanted you to dump this here cause writer is struggling with food :3 and I see a lot of ways that the batboys could have the same mindsets. So this is a lot of me projecting but also just drabbling. Pretty angsty I guess in some parts, enjoy. If you’re struggling with eating or self-image, feel free to reach out to me bb, my dms are open <3)

TRIGGER WARNINGS: eating disorders, unhealthy views of food, anxiety, food insecurity, angst, writer lowkey projecting, this shit is probably VERY decently triggering so be warned please please please, my feelings will not be hurt if you skip

Let me reiterate that THESE ARE NOT HEALTHY VIEWS OF FOOD. Many of the thoughts portrayed are HOW THEY THINK of food, not ways you SHOULD or COULD think of food. It’s cathartic to see them through the light of my own issues, I wanted to share. Love you all.

————————

Bruce Wayne

Probably one of the healthiest views of food

He grew up without ever having food insecurity AT ALL bc he’s so so rich

But he has been starving before when he worked with the League of Shadows, which means he knows the feeling.

All it is is unpleasant to him, though

He’s trained to be able to deal with it, so I think Alfred definitely has to make sure he’s eating

But he’s not doing it on purpose.

He understands EDs, and he takes them super seriously, but he’s never struggled with that, really.

He might go through phases of body dysmorphia because of wanting to be as physically adept as he can be, but I don’t think that would have to do with restricting food very much.

Again, Alfred lets him know when he’s doing too much

I think he likes good food, but he’s been so spoiled in that sense that it’s not really a big priority to him

Dick Grayson

Writer projecting on Dick Grayson pt 1/many

Ok so Dick was raised in the circus, being a child athlete (acrobat)

Obviously his parents were super wholesome, they weren’t much of a root of any problem

But having comments on your physical performance, being stuck in a tight ass leotard, thinking so much about your body at a young age, all of these lead to some type of problems.

Writer is 100% not projecting their ballet childhood

Poor little Dick watched the Strongman talk about his food intake and protein and calories and he thought “wow, I should do that to be strong too”

Cue guilt around food

Dick sees food, at least for the first part of his life, as an obstacle

The less he can get of it, the more strong he can be

He kind of sees it as something to be counted, measured (Dick is wrong, reader, eat your burger and enjoy it >:()

He doesn’t actually starve himself to a point that he starts to get skinny, but he restricts himself to have peak performance

It’s just that his mindset about it is so bad

One time Alfred cooks dinner and Dick is having a bad day (Robin or young Nightwing days). He steps in and just-

“… I had a burger for lunch” said Dick, looking frozen in place.

Bruce just chuckles, not noticing his discomfort. “Hey, that’s fine. You can jog it off tomorrow. Plus, you could do to put some weight on, yknow?”

“No, I… I can’t. I’m at my limit. I wasn’t gonna eat dinner,” Dick tries to explain, picking at his thumb nervously.

“… What do you mean your limit?”

“I uh… diet” Dick says, though his heart is quickening.

…

“Are you counting calories, Dick?”

Long conversation ensues

That might be super ooc, you get the idea

Bruce does not STAND for it

Dick recovers while Jason’s a kid.

He might have a relapse when Jason dies, just out of grief

But he gets over it

He can’t ever get rid of that voice that tells him that what he’s consuming is numbers

But he’s started fostering one that tells him how delicious that goddamn hotdog is, which is pretty cool

Jason Todd

Poor baby :((((

He grew up poor, so food insecurity was probably definitely present

Plus his mom wasn’t super into taking care of his needs

So he grew to subconsciously see food as fuel, but in a less healthy way.

He learned to measure how much he was able to run on, what gave him the most energy rather than what was good for him or tasty

All of this was for survival until he showed up at the manor

At first he was ecstatic about having more food security

And he was never one to turn down food

But out of habit he kind of never got food for himself on purpose unless he REALLY needed it

The type of kid to say “but I don’t need lunch, I had breakfast.”

Which is valid in some cases depending on whatever, but the subconscious thing that was nagging him was the small fear that still lived in him of someday not being able to live in that same security he’s grown to know

Bruce has to make sure he eats, because he’ll always eat what he’s offered without a second thought. He just won’t feed himself

Jason is 100% convinced he’s fine, he just doesn’t need it.

He does, in fact, need three meals a day with his highly active twelve year old boy self smh

When he comes back as Red Hood, he still kind of carries that with him, but he’s more willing to eat now.

I think dying kind of made him realize that he doesn’t want to miss out on anything or hold himself back

Plus he has a lot more muscle to feed now

If it makes sense, he just kind of doesn’t think of food much at all now

Much like Bruce

Tim Drake

Ugly sobbing :3

Writer projecting pt 2

Tim, Tim, Tim, neglected Tim :(

He views food very much as something earned

He enjoys his junk food or whatever, but he feels like if he’s not doing good enough he doesn’t deserve to eat at all

Nervous wreck he is, this happens often

Doesn’t do well on a mission? No dinner.

Not doing well in a class? Not eating till he fixes that grade.

Bruce finds out and almost passes out cause WHY ARE ALL THESE KIDS HAVING THESE ISSUES

It’s because writer is projecting, sorry Bruce

Bruce helps him through it a lot

Cheat code: if you go through a significant amount of effort to make him food he can’t turn it down

Or if you buy it for him

It’s an anxiety and bargaining thing for him, but he’s a tough boy he gets thru it 💪💪💪

Damian Wayne

Hot take but the league actually has pretty healthy standards on eating

They need to be efficient, yeah, but they recognize that to do that they need FOOD

He might be a little skittish around like processed food or new foods though

Has a thing for texture

Overall one of the healthier views on it though, and everyone else is watching him like a hawk to make sure it fucking stays that way

#tw ed diet #tw ed but not sheeran #tw ana trigger #tw food #dick grayson #bruce wayne #jason todd #tim drake #damian wayne #batfam #batboys #angst #dc

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jeonqkooks · 1 month

Note

Ofc we still want to read your stuff! I've reread Strictly Platonic so many times, its such a comfort fic for me. And I love OBS and can't wait for more of that story to unfold. Also you definitely do not suck at writing smut fwiw, but I am also happy to read a fic without it if you feel like you need a break from writing it.

What are you feeling like writing lately? There are lots of summaries of your WIPs on your ML that sound so interesting, but not sure what's most recently inspiring you. I just love the way you develop your characters and how you write angst especially, I always feel the pain in your fics so deep in my heart.

:(( honestly i have a really bad habit that i think often facilitates my own downward spiral. whenever i’m stumped, i don’t turn to myself or my past fics for inspo but i look at other people and then i start comparing myself to them and think “why can’t i write like that” and it just makes it so much worse 🥴 i have a specific list of writers whose fics i would reread whenever i’m in a block and now that i’m in another fandom, the list doubled in size and it’s just a whole thing askdhfkdl

the past few months i’ve been posting a lot of short, fluffy-ish drabbles over at @withleeknow but now i want to get back into writing stuff with more substance. thank you for mentioning the angst 🥺 i personally think that’s what i’m the most decent at writing. sometimes when i’m feeling emo i don’t even write it down in a journal, i just open a fic doc and pour it all out there so i guess a lot of the stuff you see in my fics comes directly from me and not as something written just for the characters yk :))

a lot of the unpublished fics that you see on my mlist are partially written, idk why i just never got around to finishing them. but i’m trying to go through them one by one bc i don’t want to abandon them, and also to try and pump some life back into the blog maybe

idek if this makes sense but yeah that’s kinda where we are rn. thank you for the message i appreciate it 🥺

#💌#anon #answered

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carpisuns · 1 year

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hello! i saw your tags on that ''if you would be so kind as to reblog this if you feel insecure about your writing skills'' post, and i just wanted to say that i love your writing SO much!!! like.. all of your fics that ive read are so good!!!!!!!! whether youre aiming for a more silly, goofy vibe or heart-shattering angst you do it so well and im amazed at your talent!

''tell me something i dont know'' is one of my all time favourite fics and i remember how much i enjoyed reading it (and crying my eyes out at 2 am adjahsf), and ''where roses bloom'' absolutely broke my heart in the best way possible!! And i loved your collab fic with botherkupo, ''two idiots and a hamster'' SO much, i seriously had to try very hard not to laugh ahdjskdhf. OH and im not in the toh fandom, but i did read ''The Death-Defying Flirting Methods of Captain Willow Park'' and i really really enjoyed it!! like i said, you write both angst, humor and romance so well and your writing is such a beautiful mix of everything!

Youre one of my fav writers on here, and i think that no matter what your goals are for writing, they definetely leave a big impact on your readers- your fics have made me laugh, cry and quite frankly im obsessed with them! I know insecurities dont simply Vanish from one ask lol, but i hope you know how much you and your fics (AND your art and just. in general youre such a nice person) mean to me, and all your other readers! <3333333

I kept this in my inbox for a bit bc it’s just so kind and I didn’t know how to respond 🥺 and then I started answering but didn’t finished and saved it in my drafts and forgot SHSJSK anyway. Thank you so so much!!!!

i reblogged that post kind of in solidarity with other writers cause i know insecurity is something everyone deals with. it’s weird because I feel like at all times I’m simultaneously confident and insecure about my writing lol. I have enough experience/training that I know I can like put together sentences and paragraphs lol but I still fret over pacing and style and characterization and stuff like that a lot. the insecurities make me feel kind of silly bc I feel like at this point i should be over them!!! but I can’t help worrying about how my work will be received by the audience. i am always at least a little nervous to post something new, and sometimes I am very nervous! Cause I just don’t know if it’s gonna land the way I intended.

And the most frustrating part for me is when I read something REALLY good and sometimes feel like pouty and jealous I guess lol going “ugh I could never write like that! I should just give up!” I feel like such a baby!! but I get over it quickly and I’m sure I’m not the only one who falls victim to Pouty Little Binch syndrome. (I mean I hope I’m not the only one or that would be extra pitiful 😂)

Anyway it helps me to remind myself that it’s a good thing that I don’t write the same way my fav writers write! we all have our own ways of thinking and expressing ourselves, and even when we take inspiration from someone else, the Us-ness of our work is always gonna come through. If that makes sense. like if my fav writer is So-and-So, it’s really awesome and cool to enjoy the So-and-So-ness of their work and break down why I enjoy it so much and even incorporate some So-and-So-type flavors in my own writing, but at the end of the day my writing will always be full of carpisuns-ness and that’s cool too! I just think as creators we are so close to our own work and we’re so in the weeds about it that we don’t get a clear view of it like a reader does when they’re coming to it fresh, and that makes us sometimes judge it unkindly. More often than not, your work is better than you think it is. Sometimes when a creator I admire feels down about their work I just wish I could let them borrow my eyes and see it how I see it, because it’s really amazing and makes me feel so much!!

Anyway, I probably got off topic lol but I just wanted to shout out to all the writers who are feeling down about their work. You are doing amazing sweetie!! Better than you think. Dont stop writing.

this is seriously such a kind message and it means so much to me that you would take the time out of your day to write this! 🥺💜 people like you who go out of their way to make others feel good are such a treasure. Im glad you enjoyed those fics!! And that u even read one of my toh fics when you’re not in the fandom? aaaa I’m honored! Blowing u kisses

#anon #ask #nice things

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nachosncheeze · 1 year

Note

Fanfic Writer Ask Game

📚 & 🏷️

📚 Is there a fanfic or fanfic writer you recommend?

Definitely! It depends on what you are looking for, so here's a few of my faves in a couple different categories:

***Edit: I'm adding a cut bc it's just occurred to me to mention, anyone new who's not done the series but is seeing this - I do have a spoiler-safe fics list that Scotti and I were working on at one point, so if there's a specific season you're looking for, but not wanting to know what twists come after (or if you're looking for fic for a specific episode or event), feel free to inbox me and I'll send some links. :)

Below this cut there are descriptions that spoil all sorts of things, so.....***

For Jeller, everything by @indelibleevidence is outstanding. I'm gonna start out saying probably a majority of it has passages that are NSFW so if you're a minor or not into that, tread lightly. I'm currently revisiting Remember to Forgive, which has late-season 3 Weller suffering amnesia that takes him mentally back to early season 2; you know, when he couldn't stand to be in the same room as his wife. The angst! It's a fave and totally my jam, I could probably quote it. Torture Without You is... well. Read it. Amazing. I'm a big Remi fan, and here you will also find one of our two Reller champions: the Damaged Goods series is so dark (also very NSFW) but soooo good.

@idealisticrealism is another that everyone should definitely read, imo. The Fire is basically my favorite one-shot ever, and she's our other Reller champion - as complete AUs go I can not possibly overstate my love for From the Ashes and Into Flames. I could literally quote them both to you.

@gypsyscarfwoman is responsible for my other favorite one-shot, Nothing Can Come Between Us, which is Jeller after season 2, but from Sarah Weller's POV. It's just a tiny bit angsty but fluffy and sweet. I love the way she describes the interactions between Jeller as viewed by a concerned third party. There's also Shelter From Your Storm, which is another season 2 AU except that post compound raid there's legitimate concern Nas might throw Jane under the bus and let the CIA have her, so Weller fake marries her to legitimize and protect her.

@ladyriot recently did a lovely retelling of s2 but as a Jane/Patterson slow burn. The way they low key agonize over each other is tragic, but the ending is so sweet without being completely saccharine, and it's definitely worth a look.

I haven't read much Zapatterson but @narvaldetierra is actively writing them. I read Remembers from September and No Good Deed Goes Unpunished a while ago, and I'm excited to reread them soon and then keep working through this ship 😁

Dylan Cruca is worth checking out if you want a bit of season 2/3 Jeller canon divergence/extra scenes, or Jeller/Reller AUs - I thought their post-season 1 AU ended up being a particularly interesting twist - but they're not for everyone.

I could go on but I'll end with one that's basically the fic equivalent to a playlist of Sad Songs to Sob To: Silence Speaks by lochness20, in which Jane's black site escape attempt fails, and when they find her, she is in a REALLY bad state. Warning that it's pretty dark and brutal and tw for suicidal thoughts and an eventual very graphic murder.

🏷 Is there a tag you like to search for when looking for fanfics to read?

I don't really look for specific tags; it's not a huge fandom so there's not a ton of room to be choosy. I can say that straight whump isn't my thing, nor is pure domestic stuff, and I generally steer clear of pregnancy/kidfic unless there's some other compelling plot alongside the kids. I guess I basically love angst most of all 😍

Thank you for the ask!! :D It's always fun to revisit some faves. 💕

I'm trying to find my mojo and inspiration to start creating again, and I find these memes are a really good exercise to think critically about my ideas and hopefully get the juices flowing. If anyone else is curious, please check here and consider sending me an ask!

I've also recently done a WIP ask meme, which you can find here if you'd like a peek at what I've been working on before the words left me. :)

#blindspot #ask meme #writer ask meme #blindspot fanfic

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thompsborn · 6 months

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!! the return of harley “daddy issues” keener (or is it mostly new angst? or mostly, like, physical?)

okay i love all these anons but also i am trying So Hard to not spoil things omg. please send more but also if i lowkey spoil something eventuallly it’s not my fault !! it actually definitely is entirely my fault but shhh

but anyways, kind of and also kind of not?

so like, in to build a family harley and peter are teenagers, but not like homeward bound. they’re high schoolers still, yk? they’re younger and haven’t gone through all the things that homeward bound harley and peter have gone through. i only bring up tbaf because obviously harley has Daddy Issues™ in tbaf. even before the second fic when his dad dies and he has to deal with that—in the first fic there’s a part where harley reminds his sister of their dad bc of how he left to go to new york and it’s this whole moment, yk? but he’s younger in tbaf and since tbaf is like not at all canon compliant to the mcu, they’ve gone through a lot less in comparison to hb, yk?

i say all that because while daddy issues are an ongoing lifelong thing for homeward bound harley, they aren’t as detrimental or as Big as they are in tbaf or other fics i’ve written where that comes up. hb harley is still effected by his daddy issues but he’s 18, he’s in college, he died for 5 years and came back to find out tony died, he has some family stuff that will be further explored and explained in the sequel with his mom and sister, and now also he has peter and the knowledge that peter is spider-man and the heaviness that comes with peter’s tragedies and past as well.

it’s a heaviness he’s okay with, don’t get me wrong, he’s more than happy to be there for peter and to learn these things and has been curious about peter since the first time peter walked into late night (again, will be explained more in the sequel!) but it’s heavy nonetheless, you know?

essentially, in the grand scheme of things, while he’s still impacted by his daddy issues, he also just… doesnt care anymore? like not caring doesn’t erase the impact but also he barely thinks of his dad and when he does he doesnt feel angry or upset or any of the things he felt in the past about his dad leaving, he just… doesnt care. he’s been through so much at this point that it’s just Another Thing. he’s desensitized to it to the point that like, why does it matter? it doesn’t.

there’s a part in hb, i can’t remember which chapter but it’s a small texting segment in one of the chapters where harry talks about him harley and peter making a no dad’s club for funsies and in that text convo harley mentions that he has a dad he just doesnt know where he is and doesn’t care enough to find out.

also, to answer that last part—it’s new angst that includes physical stuff! there’s gonna be… a lot lmao. i have a lot of things planned for this series, a lot of ideas taken from various comics, from the movies, from the games, etc. i’m even planning to read through plotlines for some of the animated series to see if there’s any additional ideas to draw from there.

but like, think of it this way, i guess: harley cares. a LOT. like some of his remaining daddy issues have developed in the form of being a bit slow to trust new people, but like he’s mentioned in the fic, once he chooses to care about someone, he is ALL IN. he is COMMITTED. and now that he knows about peter being spidey and is actively choosing to be involved in that, his instincts and his heart are going to want to do anything and everything he can to help.

okay actually sorry this answer is SO long BUT i remembered something i had harley say and i went back and looked and in chapter three he tells peter “my Mama says I have the heart of a protector” and THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT IM TRYING TO CONVEY HERE LMAO so THAT is who he is at heart yk?

and peter is gonna be in a lot of dangerous situations as spidey, and as the series goes on people connected to him are going to be in danger because of spidey, and essentially like…. a lot of emotions and a lot of angst and a lot of potential for getting hurt, yk?

i need to stop here because i keep almost saying fuck it and giving an example that is definitely a spoiler but yeah. take that as you will (:

#parkner #homeward bound fic #also like……. ok this definitely leans more into heavy spoiler territory but like #the newest spidey game right? very good very fun to play i plan to play it multiple more times #but some aspects of it have helped to inspire ideas i already had but werent sure how to implement #such as. potentially. a symbiote related plot line.#i haven’t decided for sure tbh because if that kind of plot were to happen it wouldnt be until the 3rd or 4th fic #but just….. ideas. i have them. and they include harley obvious as he is one of the main characters.#but if that storyline happens harley angst would definitely be a big thing there lmao

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