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thankstothe · 5 months

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Some notes on Wilson's marriages/divorces, and how he met House:

• House didn't just meet a freshly divorced Wilson. He met barely married Wilson, who just got notified about his #1 divorce by a lawyer, not his wife

• Wilson walked around with papers on hand, long enough to give House a chance to sneak a peek. The same day he received the news. (there's a chance it was some sort of middle step in the divorce procedure, but "just served", checkmate your honor)

• House 100% knew that when he bailed him out. No, I don't have any concrete evidence besides "it's fucking House"

• House had Wilson observed the entire time to know he didn't open the papers. The divorce lawyer prob gave him an idea of what it is, and he was just marinating in the suffering juice

• House had to be nosy and stealthy when he checked the package Wilson clung to, he saw what's written on it

• They didn't actually talk at the conference itself, so House did it silently too

• There was a law firm address on the papers, and you couldn't just google shit then. House's had to remember it to investigate it further, or he already knew of the firm (or it said "BLAH LAW FIRM BLAH HERE'S YOUR DIVORCE PAPERS, LOSER", which is possible)

• Wilson likely opened them in a hotel room (or he looked at the package sadly/angrily there too), needed a drink, and House was at the bar

• House was watching Wilson at that conference, then at the bar, then meltdown over the song, then the whole fight and the mess, then the detention, and was like yeah I'll bail that

• "First words you ever said to me." This is when they first talked, Wilson was in jail and the one in need

• Ok alright, hear me out, if House didn't know what the papers were at the time of bailing. There are 2 paths for him to find out

• Wilson STILL had them on hand in jail

• Or Housey saw them at Wilson's hotel room. Yeah

• It's been over the decade since they've met and they both vividly remember the details of that drunk night (I get why for storytelling purposes. Still... Much to think about)

• That conference is either the last one, or one of the lasts, House attended. And that one was already boring to House without Wilson. 15 years prior to s06e06 "Known Unknowns", can't do the timeline magic I just eyeball it

• House also introduced Wilson to Cuddy pretty soon, since she was a witness to the levels of despair he was apparently in

• House might've pestered Cuddy to hire him, or she chose to do so herself (whenever she was dean). Maybe House chased away some poor oncologist to make an opening. Even if House isn't as obsessed with Wilson at the start of season 1, he's always plotting

• There's the brother thing too. Wilson still fresh out of med school, still divorcing, still guilty af and looking for the brother in Princeton, so he was happy to work there

• Prior to that, Wilson was working 2 jobs to support himself and Sam and was ready to follow her to Baltimore

• The divorce and meeting House happened in 1991, the same year USSR completely fell apart. Just thought I'll throw that in #educational

• Wilson was married, non-fraudulently, for 12 years total

• Marriage #1 has only lasted 1 year

• That means every marriage House was present for has lasted longer #math

• Wilson found a way to get fulfilled while in the marriage

• Now he's got a needy bitch with infinite problems and who will slurp any poison he has to siphon

• I'd argue House is what made Wilson bearable at home

• At the same time, House is what kept Wilson away from home, ultimately contributing to the divorce

• Wilson himself describes his marriages as crappy - he doesn't really need help destroying them. House still helps~✨

• Timeline gets wonky, but there couldn't have been much of a downtime between marriages, a couple of years max

• "Fell in love at the wedding" - whatever the fuck that means for Wilson

• Either Wilson met Sam through that wedding, and she also aimed to work in medicine - how they've connected. Or they went there as a couple, both being med students? Got high on emotions and jumped into marriage

• Wilson speedruns relationships once he's in them, so it could've gone "hey that was a nice wedding, how about we have our own?"

• He fucking sucks at proposals, his looks and general air of niceness carried him all 3 times, I will not be hearing any objections on the matter

• When Wilson talks to Cameron about cheating. He says, "I have (cheated). I always told them"

• "Them"

• It's could've been every marriage (#1, #2 and #3). If boy managed to sneak in cheating in his 1-year lightning marriage #1, while he was studying + 2 jobs (now I don't doubt his time management skills, but it's still a hassle. On the other hand, all that stress couldn't have been helping)

• Or it could be #1 and #2, or #1 and #3. But #3 is pretty much a certainty (he flirts with nurses on screen, House is also there), and it's "them", so why would he randomly stop in the middle? Don't think so

• What's most likely is - #2 and #3. When arguing with Sam (#1) again she didn't mention or allude to the cheating, her problem was that Wilson didn't communicate ANY emotions to her, she even admitted to House she made the most mistakes in that marriage, let's say there's some truth in that

• Wilson either didn't tell Sam about cheating, she didn't have a problem with it, or he lied to Cameron

• OR he didn't cheat on Sam

• He started to cheat after the first divorce AND his marriages started to last longer, which is funnier too

• He could've started cheating prior to House entering the picture, but much more likely - after. Divorce and/or House are the cause

• Speaking of. Meeting House is very tightly linked to the #1 divorce. Every time Wilson would think back on it, he would have to think about all the turmoil and getting bailed by House. And vice versa - every time he'd think back on meeting House...

• "I met someone who made me feel funny. And I didn't want to let that feeling go." Another Cameron talk. Ur honor, there's something on that wall

• btw, he is STILL married while meeting House, so if you hilson 1st-night-fuck truther, that meeting is his cheater origin story in a more practical sense. He then could've really meant all the marriages, but then he lied about telling Sam/Cameron, he might not count it since he's divorcing to tell Sam

• Ultimately, he's a huge liar, and I'm wasting my time. What I'm saying - nothing is really off the table with this guy in terms of hcs

• Aftermaths of #2 and #3 aren't really talked about like #1. It must've been really nuclear

• House says neither of them recovered from (#1) divorce to Wilson's face, Wilson doesn't contest that in any way. Even tho House didn't know Wilson before the divorce he usually right on the money with these things

• After the divorce #2 Wilson got 3 legged cat

• After failing to secure marriage #4 (#1 part 2) he got a diabetic cat

• Just like the thing he has with missing phone calls, after every divorce, consciously or not, he might expect a savior to bail him out

• After and during #3 he crashed at House's, then surfed hotels, then moved in with a dying patient, then Amber's, then House moved in with him (still Amber's)

• Maybe his wives kept taking properties in the divorce, and he just stopped getting them

• Man frankly didn't have a home for a while (HOMELESS BUT NOT HOUSELESS)

• Then Wilson finally commits and gets the place for himself and House, from Bonnie (#2)

• Wilson adamantly remains on good terms with his ex-wives (but not random exes. One helps House with a prank, House kept tabs bc of course)

• But Wilson thinks they hate him. Did he ever pay attention to them?

• While spending all the time with House, then cheating, telling his wives about it, Wilson gave them more attention and emotions to delay the divorce

• He also learned how not to get attached in marriage, to not get destroyed by the divorce (excellent gambit if you expect your marriage to fail)

• He has a better support system now too. Can't believe House is your support system, fucking lmao and ouch. Cuddy is his only other friend we see, maybe Stacy at some point (he kept in touch with after the incident)

• All his other friends and family we hear next to nothing about, at best they're surface level

• In season 5 he's only visited by the coworkers/House's team + Cuddy <- all that is pretty much House's tolerance circle

• House is pathetic, but Wilson is something else entirely

353 notes · View notes

egcdeath · 1 year

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cupid’s arrow

pairing: joel miller x reader

summary: you and joel have your first valentine’s day together. (part of the soccer parents alternate universe)

warnings: alternate universe: no apocalypse, established relationship, domesticity, so much fluff. be prepared to call your dentist.

word count: 7.5k

author’s note: happy extremely late valentine’s day!!! i tried to incorporate a little bit of all the requests i got for this fic, so special thank you to everyone who helped make this fic happen!!

technically the timelines don’t really line up from this fic and the l word (many i love you’s are uttered) but you know what. it’s valentine’s day. valentine’s day magic ✨

“So, what’s your Valentine’s Day plan this year?” Sarah asked on her otherwise quiet commute to school.

Joel drew his attention away from the road to glance at his daughter and smiled to himself, just the slightest bit. He always found it oddly endearing to see just how invested his and your daughter were into your relationship. At this point, it was no secret that Sarah and Chloe had worked hard to set you and him up a multitude of times, and Joel certainly wasn’t mad about it. If anything, he was grateful for your kids being nosy and sharp enough to know when to make a move when you and himself clearly could not.

“Well I want our first one to be a good one, so I booked a reservation at this really nice restaurant. Pretty expensive, pretty hard to get into, but she deserves the best,” Joel said with a deceptively nonchalant tone.

Joel couldn’t even lie—he was proud of himself. He couldn’t even remember the last time he had spent Valentine’s day with anyone other than his daughter, and he’d booked the reservation the moment that it was available. The restaurant really was notorious for being hard to get into on a non-holiday, let alone Valentine’s Day, so he was sure you would appreciate the subtle-yet-grand gesture.

“Dad,” Sarah began, her tone slightly apprehensive as if she were preparing to break bad news to him. “I know this is your first Valentine’s Day in forever, but a restaurant is just… it isn’t enough anymore.”

“What?” Joel asked, slightly taken aback. Given that he hadn’t had a serious relationship in some time, and was more than slightly insecure about his ability to be as good of a partner as you expected, hearing his daughter explain that a fancy dinner wasn’t enough in the modern dating scene was jarring at the least, and terrifying at the most.

“Don’t worry. You’re lucky that your daughter is full of ideas. We’re gonna give your woman a perfect Valentine’s day.”

At your daughter’s request, you were painting Chloe’s nails to match the upcoming holiday to the absolute best of your ability. You tried your best, but your hand-eye coordination wasn’t amazing, so the best of your ability ended up being a set of pink nails with one red finger–but your daughter was enjoying the process regardless.

“So mom,” Chloe began, fanning one hand as she attempted to speed up the process of drying her nails. “What’re you getting Joel for Valentine’s day?”

“I was thinking of taking him on a date to his favorite cafe. Something a little more relaxed,” you lightly dabbed some acetone where you’d gotten some polish on her skin.

“That’s sweet but… are you sure Joel wants that? I mean, you two always go there. It’s not particularly romantic.”

It wasn’t exactly shocking that you weren’t great with big romantic gestures. Nathan had been morally opposed to them, or too lazy for them, or something that ensured no one ever did anything romantic for you, and in return, you very rarely did anything romantic for him. Given that the last time you spent a Valentine’s Day (or anniversary… really any day that called for romance) with someone was with him, you weren’t even really sure where to start.

“Oh,” you thought aloud, trying to process the idea that small gestures wouldn’t really do justice to portray just how much you loved and appreciated your partner. “I guess you’re right.”

“Let me help you,” she insisted, excitedly grabbing onto your arm as her eyes lit up.

Well, it wasn’t like Chloe wasn’t good at these things. If it wasn’t for her and Sarah’s intervention, you and Joel never would’ve been together in the first place. It certainly wouldn’t kill you to let her help you out in this field.

“Okay, fine,” you agreed, playing up your reluctance.

“Yay!” she cheered. “This is gonna be so fun.”

You certainly hoped it would be.

On the morning of Valentine’s day, you were somewhat surprised when your alarm went off and you found Joel’s side of the bed to be both empty and cold.

Considering that your plan was to wake up early to leave a gift in the kitchen before Joel had the chance to get there, your Valentine’s Day plans weren’t off to the best start. You immediately rolled out of bed and suppressed the groan you wanted to let out at the sweet smell wafting up from the kitchen—both from anticipation of something delicious waiting for you, and the knowledge that your plan had been foiled.

After doing some rummaging through his closet, you managed to find the box of the coffee machine that you’d hidden, and hesitantly began your trek downstairs, knowing that your big reveal would be slightly less ideal. When you arrived in the kitchen, Joel was standing at the stove and diligently working on something. He glanced back at you, and a smile instantly formed on his lips at the sight of you—bed hair, old pajamas, and all.

“Good morning, gorgeous,” he greeted, setting his spatula down and coming over to give you a tight embrace. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” you said right back, relaxing into his hug despite the large box in your hands slightly obstructing it. “What’re you doing?”

“It’s a surprise,” Joel stated plainly, stepping back to look at what you were holding. “What’s this?”

“Your gift. I know you love coffee more than you love any person who’s in this house right now, so it’s time for you to get rid of your archaic machine. This is a Nespresso. Very modern and very good, or so I’ve heard,” you extended your hands to offer the box, which he gladly accepted

Joel examined it, the smile on his face not even faltering for a moment. With all this smiling, you were sure his cheeks would hurt by the end of the day. “Thank you so much. I can’t wait to use this,” he set down the box on the counter then gave you a peck. “Now, go back upstairs so I can finish working on your surprise.”

“Mm, sounds good,” you hummed, still fighting sleepiness as you retreated back up the stairs.

Well, your gift reveal may not have gone exactly the way you wanted it to, but you were pleased to see that Joel was still happy with what you gave him. Chloe would be proud.

“What is this?” Sarah asked, looking down at her plate of oddly shaped pink pancakes.

It was clear that this was what Joel had gotten up early to work on—Valentine’s Day themed pancakes. Although there was clearly an attempt at making what you could only assume were hearts, the pancakes came out as blobs more than anything else.

“…Hearts?” Joel suggested, sounding very unsure of his answer as he sipped his cup of coffee (made by his brand new machine).

“Dad…” Sarah trailed off, pushing around parts of her pancake.

“Are you gonna eat them or not?” Joel retorted, obviously a little less than enthusiastic about the reaction to the pancakes he’d gotten up early to work on, and worked quite hard on.

“I’m not gonna say no to breakfast.”

“I tried my best. It’s harder than it looks, okay?”

“They’re cute,” you interrupted. “It’s the thought that counts. I love them,” you hummed. The least you could do was support Joel in his romantic endeavors. Sure, the pancakes didn’t look amazing, but it really was a sweet gesture. And maybe they didn’t look the best, but they certainly tasted good.

Sarah didn’t exactly look like she believed you, and she glanced skeptically at Chloe, who was quietly giggling at the oddly shaped amoebas on her plate.

“I’m not an artist,” Joel explained, almost apologetically as your kids picked at their pancakes.

“We can tell,” Chloe murmured, earning herself a glare from you and a giggle from her friend.

“I never asked you to be one,” you assured. “It’s abstract. And it’s good enough for me.”

Joel quickly pecked your lips, eliciting a collective ‘ew!’ from the table.

“Alright, that’s enough from you two. Finish up quickly so we can get you to school on time,” you instructed.

The girls reluctantly agreed and finished up their abstract plates without much more protest or teasing before grabbing their last few items and heading off to the car.

“Did you actually like it? You can be honest with me,” Joel asked as you finished off your mug of coffee.

“I was being honest! I really did love it. It’s sweet that you put so much effort into doing something nice for me. Waking up all early, being in the kitchen all morning… I bet doing pancake art is pretty difficult.”

“It is, and you’d never guess that it is. The batter kinda just runs all over the place,” he explained, grabbing your empty dish and dropping it off at the sink. You got out of your seat and followed him over to where he stood, attempting to assure him that you really did enjoy the thoughtfulness of his gesture.

“Well, I love that you tried so hard to make something nice for me to wake up to,” you took a step closer to Joel, giving him a brief little peck to show your appreciation. “And I love you.” you leaned in for one slightly longer kiss and Joel’s hands softly cupped your cheeks as the kiss deepened.

Joel finally pulled away, dropping his hands down from your cheeks to your hands so he could hold them. “As much as I’d like to kiss you all morning, we do have two kids waiting to be taken to school sitting in my backseat right now.”

“Unfortunately, you’re right,” you sighed. “Can we pick up where we left off when we get back?”

“Of course,” he agreed, beginning to lead you out the door.

Although your morning plans may have fallen through, your plan to pick up on your make-out session certainly did not, which was how you found yourselves waiting for the shower to warm up so you could hop in together and wash off the ever present scent of sweat and sex.

“It’s been too long since we last showered together,” you remarked, testing out the heat of the water with the palm of your hand before taking a step inside.

“It’s just that my shower is so small,” he explained, following you into the shower. “And we always end up thinking showering together is better than it actually is.”

“It is small, but I like being this close to you,” you countered, hugging him from behind. “We’re bonding. Don’t you like bonding with me?”

“I do, until one of us slips, and won’t stop talking about how they almost died for an entire day,” he set his hands on top of yours as you embraced him.

“That was once, Joel. One time!” you exclaimed, breaking away from your partner to reach for his shampoo.

“One time too many,” he responded.

Although ‘almost dying’ was a bit of an over-dramatization, it certainly wasn’t fun to fall in the shower. The day began as a slow Sunday morning at Joel’s place. Your daughter was at Nathan’s for the weekend, and Sarah had been at a sleepover with some friends. Given that the two of you had the house to yourselves, you certainly made the most of it before heading to the shower to clean yourselves up. Halfway through Joel assisting you in exfoliating your legs, you were met with the sound of a door opening and closing downstairs, making you practically leap out of your skin, and lose your balance, leading you to fall pretty hard. Joel helped you up and immediately began to take care of you, and granted you weren’t too badly injured, but you refused to let Joel forget the time you dramatically tripped in the shower because Sarah got home from her sleepover a little early.

“I can’t believe you’re treating me like this on Valentine’s Day,” you sighed, pouring some shampoo and reaching into his hair to massage his scalp. “We should probably break up.”

“I agree,” Joel practically sighed, relaxed from the way your fingers were working in his hair. “I think it’s for the best.”

“Okay, I’ll let the girls know when we get out of the shower. The parents that they worked so hard to set up are never going to see or speak to each other ever again,” you said the words very seriously, but the way you were massaging Joel’s scalp told a completely different story.

“Sounds like a plan,” Joel purred, letting you work your magic as you played with his hair. “You’re too good at this. Why don’t I let you do my hair more often?”

“Psht, you're preaching to the choir here,” you reached forward to rinse off your hands. “For the record, this is one of your Valentine’s gifts. Savor it while you can. Especially before we finalize our breakup.”

“I’m savoring,” he insisted.

You two took your time in the shower, truly enjoying an endeavor you didn’t often do with each other. By the time you finally stepped out, the water had dropped several degrees, and you were both becoming human prunes.

Just moments after Joel wrapped his towel around his hips, he had disappeared back into his room, leaving you peeking past the bathroom door to see what he was up to. It certainly wasn’t unheard of for one of you to get ready without the other, but you preferred to have his presence with you in that humid little bathroom.

Joel came back just a few moments later, slightly more dressed, and now wielding a flat, red box.

“I got you something,” he announced as he joined you at the sink, bashfully looking down at the item in his hands.

“Oh?” you said curiously, glancing at the box as Joel slowly opened it, revealing a thin, silver necklace with what looked like a small diamond attached to it.

“It’s a necklace,” he explained, beginning to lift the dainty accessory out of the box so that he could fully display it to you.

You were immediately taken aback by it, an involuntary, “It’s beautiful,” slipping from your lips.

“Can I put it on you?” Joel asked cautiously. You eagerly agreed, excited to have a little piece of Joel on you at all times. You turned around and lifted up the back of your hair so that he could gently wrap the necklace around your neck, and he fumbled a bit with the clasp until it was just right.

“I love it,” you expressed, observing it in the mirror and running a finger against the chain of the necklace as you fully took it in. “This is too nice.”

“Nothing is too nice for you, my love.”

“You are such a sap,” you laughed, leaning forward to get a good look at the accessory and fully admire its beauty.

“And you love that about me,” Joel punctuated his sentence with a kiss to your cheek, leading you to giggle like a schoolgirl.

“You’re right. I do. Thank you,” you said, still checking yourself out with your new piece of jewelry.

“Can I take you somewhere?” you asked, glancing over at your partner in the mirror as he reached for his toothbrush.

“Sure. Where?”

“It’s a surprise,” you said with a knowing smile.

“So, where are we going?” Joel asked as you drove, the sunglasses on your nose preventing him from getting a good read on you.

“What part of surprise do you not get?” you teased, glancing over at him with a smirk. “We’re almost there. Hold your horses.”

Eventually, you pulled up to a little strip of businesses, and grabbed Joel’s hand as you led him out of the car and through a door.

You two were instantly hit with the smell of fragranced oil and the sound of rain from a sound maker as you walked further into the dim location. It was clear to you that Joel was still more confused than anything else.

“Are you sure we’re in the right place?” Joel asked you in a whisper.

“Yes Joel, we are,” you laughed softly at his apprehension. To be fair, he didn’t have an idea of where he was or what you were making him do, but that didn’t make his nerves any less entertaining.

“And where exactly is that?” he followed up.

“We’re getting massages! C’mon,” you beckoned him to follow you up to a desk, where a bored-looking receptionist checked you in.

The two of you sat next to each other in the waiting room, waiting for your masseuses to prepare your room.

“What made you pick this?” Joel asked curiously.

“I dunno, you’re always telling me how sore you are after work. I thought maybe this would help your pain a little. It’s also very relaxing. You’re gonna love it and have a great time.”

There really weren’t too many problems you found that a nice massage at this salon couldn’t fix. When you found the time in your busy schedule to treat yourself to something nice and do a little self care, a deep tissue massage was always one of the first things you decided on doing. It was only a matter of time before you brought Joel along with you, and when you casually mentioned something about Joel to your masseuse, she did mention wanting to see him. Although, Chloe was the one to put the puzzle pieces together to you and suggest the couples’ massage.

“So you’ve done this before?” Joel questioned, still looking somewhere between a little cynical and a little trepidatious.

“Mhm,” you hummed, already imagining yourself getting every kink and bump in your back teased out.

“Walk me through it,” he suggested, seeming a little more comforted knowing that you had actually done this before.

“Well, we go in, they leave, and we strip down to our comfort level, then they just give us a nice deep tissue massage. It might feel a little uncomfortable at first, but it starts feeling pretty good pretty quickly.”

Joel’s expression circled back to slightly skeptical, his brow raised and eyes slightly squinted as he looked at you.

“Don’t make that face! You’re gonna love it. And I’m literally gonna be right next to you. When I called to book this, the receptionist said that the massage tables are so close together, we could hold hands the whole time if we wanted to.”

“Alright, fine. But if I hate it, I get to say that I told you so.”

“Okay, deal,” you agreed.

Your massage was going so well, you swore you were on a different planet. Sure, you didn’t have a very physically labor intensive job, but all the stress you'd accumulated over the last… however long always seemed to find itself stuck in your body. The massage was doing exactly what it needed to in terms of getting it out.

Joel groaned your name, his voice slightly distorted by his face being buried in the head pillow. “I take back everything I said.”

“I know,” you responded, far too gone to even really process what he was saying.

Walking out of that studio, you felt like a brand new person. Maybe that person was a little oily, but you felt like your body had gone under a complete transformation in just that hour.

“I can’t tell if I want to take a nap or run a marathon,” you exclaimed, stretching out your rejuvenated limbs.

“That was an amazing gift. Can we make this a V-Day tradition?” Joel asked, opening the car door for you.

“Hell yeah,” you agreed, getting into the passenger’s seat and breathing out a heavy sigh. “To think you thought you wouldn’t like it. Now I get to say I told you so.”

“Fair. I deserve it. That was life changing. I could marry you for thinking of that.”

Chloe actually thought of that, but Joel didn’t need to know that. For all you cared, he could keep thinking that you were the romantic genius.

“So what’s next on the agenda?”

“Just sit and wait. It’s a bit of a drive, so maybe you can get in that nap you wanted.”

You unsurprisingly slept like a rock after that massage. So much so, that you woke up to Joel softly saying your name and gently shaking your shoulder as he attempted to let you know that you’d arrived at your next destination.

When you opened your eyes, you were met with a an interesting looking building in front of you, one you’d seen in tourism handouts, but hadn’t yet visited for yourself—despite the many times you said you wanted to.

“Is this an art museum?” you asked aloud despite already knowing the answer.

Joel simply flashed you a toothy grin before popping out of the car, walking around it, and opening the door for you.

“I know you’ve been saying you want to come visit for a while,” he explained, slipping his hand into yours while you walked inside.

“I don’t know why I’m so surprised that you actually listen to me. Thank you,” you expressed.

You and Joel took your time walking around the museum, exploring the exhibits, reading the labels on pieces, and taking in all of the interesting and beautiful art. It was refreshing to come to a museum and not be rushed the whole time by an impatient daughter or disinterested spouse, and Joel expressing every now and then that despite being surrounded by so much beauty and artwork, you were the prettiest thing in the museum certainly enhanced your experience.

The two of you entered an exhibit that was obviously targeted towards children as you approached the end of the building, and your eyes immediately fell on a station that was clearly designed for kids to use. You walked towards it, and plopped down on one side of the tiny table before Joel sat down right across from you.

“Isn’t this for kids?” he asked you, his knees audibly creaking as he attempted to get comfortable on his tiny stool.

“Whatever. They’re all at school anyway. Or at least, they should be,” you grabbed a marker that was on your side of the divider, along with a piece of paper. “Wanna draw each other?”

“Haven’t we already established today that there’s not an artistic bone in my body?”

“C’mon, Joel,” you pleaded. “Please? As a Valentine’s Day gift?”

“Fine. Only because I love you. But you’re not allowed to laugh.”

“Swear,” you agreed despite knowing that it was more likely than not that you were going to laugh. While Joel reached for his own writing utensil and paper, you set your hand in front of the timer on the desk, giving you both five minutes to work on your portrait.

The man across from you focused deeply on his paper, looking pensively and seriously down at his paper and up at you every now and then rather than actually putting his marker to the paper.

After five minutes, the built-in alarm went off, and you both put your markers down, evaluating the work you had done.

“I don’t know if you want to see this. It’s really bad,” Joel confessed, awkwardly moving the paper out of your direct eyeline.

“It’s definitely not! Here, we’ll show each other at the same time. On the count of three?”

The two of you lifted your papers at the same time, and you involuntarily giggled when you looked at Joel’s. It was more or less an extremely basic stick figure with hearts around it. To be frank, your picture of Joel was basically the same.

“Hey, part of our agreement is that you wouldn’t laugh!” Joel said in between laughter of his own.

“Joel, you’re laughing too!” you giggled, the two of you progressively laughing harder until your stomachs were hurting. Eventually, you were able to catch your breath and collect yourself enough to get some actual words out. “Here, let’s swap. I wanna put this on my fridge.”

“Please don’t,” Joel gasped as he tried to catch his breath. “I don’t think I’ll ever live that down with our daughters.”

“Oh honey,” you responded, still fighting your fits of giggles. “That was the plan.”

After your museum date, you and Joel grabbed a quick lunch at a nearby cafe before heading back to the girls’ school to pick them up. You’d agreed to split up for the rest of the afternoon so that you had time to prepare for a nicer dinner in the evening.

It had been a long time since you’d dressed up like this. Although it was fun to get all dolled up, to put on a new matching set of lingerie under a new, formfitting dress, spend a good amount of time working on your makeup at your vanity, and take your time doing your hair, you couldn’t shake off the nervous feeling you were getting.

“Mom! Joel’s here!” Chloe yelled from your living room.

“You can let him in! I need to finish something up.”

You heard the familiar sound of conversation between Joel, Sarah, and Chloe while you finished up applying your lipstick, taking deep breaths as you did so. You just needed to see Joel, then you would feel better. To be quite honest, you were slightly intimidated by the restaurant he’d picked that night. Obviously you knew how exclusive and difficult to get in it was, but with how elite it was, part of you worried that you would stick out like a sore thumb.

But Joel had clearly worked so hard on making this night perfect for you, so you weren’t going to let a few nerves get you down. You grabbed your purse and headed downstairs, where your partner stood in your living room listening to your kids.

“Wow,” Joel said involuntarily when his eyes fell upon you. He immediately took a few steps towards you, setting a hand on your waist as he admired you.

“I don’t know why it always surprises me when I see how gross you guys are,” Chloe said, somewhere between a laugh and a cringe. “Okay, it’s time for you to get going. You don’t want to miss your reservation,” your daughter was practically pushing the two of you out the door, a little too enthusiastic to have the two of you gone. “Bye now!”

You finally were able to get a good look at Joel once you’d been shoved out of the door. He looked amazing in a well fitted suit, and a bouquet of red roses in hand.

“You look so handsome,” you gushed as you accepted his flowers. “How did I get so lucky?”

“I’ve been asking myself the same thing. I mean, you always look gorgeous, but you somehow found a way to look even more amazing.”

“Well thank you!” you giggled, letting Joel open the door to his car for you like the gentleman he was.

Joel sat down in the driver's seat, and began to head in the direction of the restaurant. Despite how late you were on the road, it seemed like traffic in the city was particularly bad. You and Joel kept up a light conversation, but the elephant in the room was clearly the traffic, and the fact that with every passing minute, the traffic only seemed to grow.

Your eyes flicked around in a cycle between the traffic ahead of you, your hot, but increasingly anxious date, and the clock on the dashboard. With just a few minutes until the time of your reservation, you finally piped up.

“Do you think we’re gonna make it on time?” you asked.

“I don’t know,” Joel answered quickly, his nerves quite obvious from the speed of his speech. He then followed it up with a slightly less agitated, “I hope so.”

“You know what? I’ll call and let them know we’re running late,” you suggested, reaching for your phone as if that would solve all issues.

That would make things better, right? You knew all that went into Joel getting this reservation, and you weren’t just gonna let it all slip away because of a little traffic.

You pressed your device to your ear and the phone rang once, then twice, then three times before you were informed by a robotic voice that the line was busy.

The scene of traffic didn’t seem to be getting any better either, with the cars in front of you essentially coming to a full stop every now and then. Time was quickly passing by, yet you weren’t making much progress distance-wise.

You called again to no avail, and attempted to maintain your composure. They would pick up soon enough, and you would get to your reservation on time, and you and Joel would have a lovely evening at that very fancy, exclusive restaurant.

Finally, someone on the other line picked up. You breathed out a sigh of relief as you were finally able to connect with an actual person, and attempt to explain your situation to them.

“We are aware of the car accident and the traffic jam it caused. However, regardless of external circumstances, our grace periods only last ten minutes. Unfortunately we’ve already given away your table to someone else on the waitlist. Our deepest and sincerest apologies.”

You looked over at Joel helplessly, disappointed to deliver the news about something he’d been so excited for for so long.

“Okay, thank you,” you said, quickly hanging up. “I’m sorry,” was the first thing you said to Joel. “They gave our table away.”

“You’re joking,” he said almost flatly, clearly in disbelief that something he’d worked so hard to plan for had slipped through his fingers so easily, and over circumstances that were completely out of his control.

“I’m sorry. We were later than their grace period. But it’s okay! We can just go somewhere else. I’ve heard about a few good restaurants nearby?”

“It’s Valentine’s day. They’re all gonna be fully booked,” he sighed, defeat clear in his tone. “Should I just turn around?”

“No! Right now I’m hungry enough that I’d eat your shoe if you put it in front of me with some silverware. Just… take me anywhere. Maybe somewhere you like? Preferably without a long line?”

Joel fell silent as he thought for a moment, trying to come up with a location that he enjoyed that wouldn’t be particularly busy that evening. As he pondered, a light bulb seemed to go off in his mind, leading him to turn his vehicle around and begin to take you elsewhere.

Your heels clicked against the pavement as Joel took your hand and led you towards a food truck. The smoky aromas hitting your nose were nothing short of heavenly, and if Joel believed that it was good, you were definitely taking his word for it.

“Is that… Joel, is that you?” the man in the window asked in disbelief as the two of you approached.

“It is,” he confirmed, a bit shyly.

“Damn, man! I almost didn’t recognize you all dressed up! What’s the-“ his eyes fell upon you, and his face lit up as he put the pieces together. “Who’s this?”

Joel introduced you by name, and wrapped an arm around you subconsciously. “We’re just celebrating Valentine’s Day.”

“Well you picked the right spot. Nice to meet you, sweetheart. I’m Louis.”

“Hi Louis. You know Joel?” you asked, curious about the camaraderie the pair seemed to have.

“I practically watched him grow up, so yeah, I guess so,” he flashed the two of you a smile, the look he gave Joel slightly more knowing than the soft one he offered you. “What’re we ordering tonight?”

Joel looked at you and shrugged, giving you the go-ahead for anything. It wasn’t like he wasn’t planning on spending a whole mortgage and kidney worth on food at the restaurant you had a reservation at.

You ordered a few different things from his menu, led more by your eyes and nose than your stomach. Louis nodded as you spoke before calling something out to the people working by the grill, and maintaining his position at the window so he could talk to you two.

“Why haven’t I met your friend before, Joel?” Louis asked, teasing in his voice.

“Well, obviously I was waiting for the most romantic day of the year to bring her here,” he looked away from his family friend and back to you. “You know, most people say that bringing your partner here is basically like having a ring in your hand and dropping to one knee.”

“Oh?” you laughed. “I’m flattered. Are you proposing to me?”

“No, not yet,” Joel shot a wink at you, and you felt a slight warmth rise to your cheeks. Of course, he was joking, but if he asked you in that moment to marry him, you’d probably say yes.

“Depending on how good this is, I may be proposing to you, Louis,” you teased, deflecting from the fantasy of marrying your partner.

“Hey! No need for that. Joel’ll bring you to one of my barbecues this summer. I promise you’ll eat so much of my food that you’ll never even want to even think about it again. Right, Joel?”

“Correct. Why do you think it’s been so long since I’ve visited you last?”

“Oh, excuses, excuses,” Louis dismissed, glancing back over his shoulder at the employee preparing your food. “Well lovebirds, since it’s Valentine’s Day, how’d you meet?” he questioned curiously, leaning further onto the ledge so he could get a good look at you and Joel.

“Our kids played soccer together on the same team, so we met through arguing like, all the time,” you laughed, glancing over at Joel who seemed just the slightest bit embarrassed at your frankness of your unconventional meet-cute.

“It sounds kinda bad when you put it like that. We were basically flirt-arguing,” Joel attempted to explain.

“Maybe you were. I was just arguing. But eventually our girls became friends, and we were forced to spend more time together, and I realized he’s not half bad,” you were downplaying just how much you adored the man standing next to you for a bit of comedic effect, but the quick look the two of you shared seemed to communicate everything it needed to for Louis.

“You’re not too bad yourself,” Joel said, cracking an adoring half-smile at you.

“That is too damn sweet,” Louis expressed as he looked between the two of you. He had to do a bit of reading in between the lines, but it was clear to him that the two of you were a rather happy pair, as evidenced by your comfortable body language and the fond teasing. He was clearly quite pleased to see Joel as happy as he was with you. “As much as I’d like to chat and hear more, your order is unfortunately ready. We’ll catch up another time?”

Louis turned around to grab your boxes, and leaned back over the ledge to pass them to Joel.

“Of course. If I don’t get back around sometime soon, we’ll definitely be at one of your barbecues this summer.”

“Good,” Louis nodded. “And before you head back home, stop back over here. I’ll make Sarah her favorite, and something for your daughter too!” he offered you both.

Louis’ barbecue was no joke. You and Joel absolutely demolished everything that was ordered as you laid in the bed of his truck, sat on the blankets Joel had packed for a previous picnic and had never seemed to put back.

“Why hadn’t you brought me here sooner?” you asked, sauce on the edges of your lips. “I feel like a brand new person after this.”

Joel reached over, dabbing at your mouth with a napkin to clean up what you missed. “I told you, this is like serious engagement food. If I brought you here too early on, I might’ve scared you off by moving too fast,” he jokingly explained as he set down the napkin and dragged himself a little closer to you.

You playfully rolled your eyes at the explanation, but leaned onto Joel regardless. “Yeah, whatever,” you muttered, setting your head on his shoulder and looking up at the night sky.

“Do you remember that night when you helped me out with making the team dinner?” Joel seemingly asked out of the blue, wrapping an arm around your shoulder.

“I do,” you nodded, glancing away from the sky and instead looking at Joel. “We’re a pretty great team.”

“We are,” Joel agreed, pausing for a moment. “Do you remember when I asked you out for the first time?”

“Of course I do.”

“I was so nervous. I really liked you a lot, but I wasn’t completely sure you’d say yes, and I didn’t want to ruin the friendship we’d been working on, or make things awkward for the girls. I just kept looking at the sky so I wouldn’t see you and think about all of those things,” he confessed, looking to the sky as he spoke.

“Are you nervous now?” you asked, noticing him watch the stars above you.

“No,” he assured you. “It’s just really beautiful out here tonight. Really clear.”

You leaned in closer, practically sitting on the lap of the man next to you at that point, “Do you see anything good up there?”

“Yeah,” Joel answered, his words blowing a few strands of hair as he spoke.

“Show me?” you asked, curiously peering up at the sky to attempt to see what Joel might’ve been seeing.

“Of course,” he agreed. “Well that right there is the big dipper. And the little dipper, too.”

“Where?” you asked, despite seeing it clearly. You had stargazed with Joel a handful of times, and he always did this cute thing when he saw something that you couldn’t see—grabbing your hand and leaning into you while he pointed out the stars with your own fingers, essentially cuddling you as he did so. His knowledge of what he was looking for, the competency in his actions, and the proximity he kept with you always drove you a little bit wild, and you’d be a fool to turn down an opportunity of getting that side of him out.

Joel took the bait, not even realizing that it was bait. He gently guided your arm to point out the constellation, speaking quietly next to your ear as he narrated what he was seeing. It was taking everything in you not to jump his bones then and there as he helped you see each set of stars.

After a period of pointing out constellations to each other, the two of you finally seemed to run out of observations to make, leaving you quietly sharing space on the blanket laid out in the bed of Joel’s truck.

“This has been my favorite Valentine’s day ever,” you expressed, gazing up at the stars with far less effort than you’d had previously. “I do love spending the day with you, but you really went out of your way to make today sweet. I appreciate it.”

“Hey, I can’t take all the credit. You are the one who arranged that absolutely life changing massage, and the Nespresso machine was great too. I will definitely be using it all the time now.”

“You know, it’s so weird. I used to hate Valentine’s day. Dread it every year because I just knew I’d be disappointed. But you changed that for me. Maybe it’s all the stuff we got to do, but I honestly think I’d be happy doing laundry or something with you today, as long as it meant I’d get to be with you.”

You were thoroughly exhausted after your day of Valentine’s activities, paired with the digestion you were going through after all of that dangerously delicious barbecue you and Joel had consumed. It was safe to say that the ride back to your place was a quiet one, only filled with the occasional uncomfortable grunt or a comment reminiscing on how good your dinner was.

By the time you opened your door, you were shocked to find your living room completely uprooted and transformed into a massive pillow fort. Your daughters, who conveniently were sitting inside of the fort, didn’t seem to notice you as you came in, as they were far too caught up in the Hallmark movie they were watching. Eventually, the sound of feet shuffling caught their attention, and the pair were out of the fort in record time.

“Happy Valentine’s Day!” they both cheered, making jazz hands towards the fort.

“To commemorate your first date, we built you a new and improved pillow fort,” Sarah explained, as she continued to Vanna White their creation.

“This time, it’s big enough for all of us. You’ve had enough alone time today,” Chloe expressed. “Come, come! Are you ready for the tour?”

Your kids showed you the inside of the fort, and there honestly wasn’t much to see. However, it was still quite impressive that they’d managed to pull off putting together such a big fort in such a short period of time.

“But before we lay down, go change into pajamas. No one should be in a pillow fort in a suit. That’s just ridiculous,” Sarah remarked

“You heard the girl, go!” Chloe emphasized, herding you two upstairs without even giving you time to voice any sort of protest.

“You really went all out this year,” Joel gushed as he followed you into your bedroom.

Hearing him say that did make you feel a little guilty. Sure he didn’t need to know that Chloe had done most of the heavy lifting when it came to celebrating this holiday, but it felt wrong to keep things from him—even something as small as not coming up with original ideas.

“Joel, I have to tell you something,” you began hesitantly as he unzipped your dress.

“Oh no. Are you breaking up with me? Are you pregnant?” he glanced at you over your shoulder.

“No! And no, that’s just my food baby. It’s just that… basically everything I did for you today, Chloe helped me come up with. I was gonna get you a box of chocolates, show you this number,” you gestured at the lingerie revealed by your fallen dress, “then call it a day.”

“You wanna know the truth?” he asked before reaching into your dresser and tossing you a set of pajamas. “I needed Sarah’s help for almost everything today, too. Obviously it was a great day, but… I don’t need fancy things from you or huge romantic gestures, despite what our children might think. Your love alone is plenty.”

“Promise?” you asked, pulling on your pajama shirt.

“Swear.”

“Can we shake on doing a massage and getting barbecue next Valentine’s Day, nothing more and nothing less?”

“That sounds perfect,” Joel agreed, shaking your hand to drive in the point of your agreement. “Now let’s go check out that pillow fort.”

Chloe and Sarah snuggled against you as a new, cheesy rom-com played out on the television in front of you.

“So, how was your V-Day?” Chloe asked, looking between you and Joel mischievously. Obviously, the kids were curious about the fruits of their labor, and you genuinely could not blame them. With all the effort they’d put into making your day great, they deserved to know just how pleasant it was.

“It was amazing,” you confirmed, squeezing your daughter’s shoulder.

“We couldn’t have done it without you two,” Joel added, tossing a not-so-subtle wink at Sarah.

“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?” Sarah asked with a slightly uncomfortable laugh.

“It means that you two are hopeless romantics, and without your guys’ help, we would’ve had a painfully boring Valentine’s Day,” you explained.

“Can you blame us for wanting to help you two old farts out? You haven’t celebrated this holiday in like 200 years,” Chloe retorted.

“Nothing wrong with that,” you affirmed. “You guys are good eggs. Is it too late to ask you both to be my Valentine?”

“Yes,” Chloe deadpanned.

“Nope,” Sarah said, popping her ‘p’. “But only if you get us heart-shaped boxes of chocolate.”

“I think that can be arranged. Right, Joel?” you asked.

“Fine. I’ll pick up some discounted chocolates after work tomorrow,” Joel said it begrudgingly, but deep down you knew that his softie heart was bursting with love for your family.

“Thank you. Happy Valentine’s day, my lovely loves,” you expressed, pulling the girls next to you closer to emphasize your point.

“Ew, mom,” Chloe squealed, only egging you on to pepper her cheeks in kisses.

This had by far been your favorite Valentine’s Day, and it really wasn’t even close. When you were surrounded by your favorite people in the world, doing something ridiculously thoughtful and sentimental, there was no way you could ever ask for more.

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fluff #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us hbo #pedro pascal x reader

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ckret2 · 5 months

Text

Chapter 32 of human Bill is convinced he's the best prisoner ever and does not deserve this abuse from the Pines:

Bill gets his fingernails painted! 💅🌈✨ Look at his fingernails, I drew this week's picture just to show them off. They're fun.

Bill also gets bound to a magic poppet that can control his every move.

It's hilarious for Dipper and Mabel, but not for Bill.

The early morning still was broken by Stan's wails of despair.

At some point during the night, the egg-and-toilet-papering kids had come back to Stan's car.

And they'd brought rocks.

####

Bill woke up with a sheet tossed over him and a cupcake sitting on the window seat. The cupcake was pink with green frosting and decorated like a happy jack-o'-melon. It was sitting on top of a note:

"Sorry I didn't mention I had plans tonight! Robbie's mom made cupcakes for everyone so I grabbed you one. The music video's gonna be AMAZING! I'll show you when Robbie posts it!" Mabel had signed with a shooting star.

Bill decided he hadn't been mad at Mabel last night at all.

He battled gravity to heave himself vertical, trudged downstairs to the bathroom, stuck his face under the faucet until his mouth tasted less like sour sandpaper, agonizingly dragged himself back upstairs to his makeshift bed, and collapsed under the sheet to wait until his head stopped hammering.

####

Sprawled on the living room floor, Mabel said, "What should I draw?"

"Draw me." Bill was sitting cross-legged on the sofa, watching the news and nursing a glass of Mabel juice. In an effort to counteract the lingering queasiness from overdosing on sugar and chocolate, he'd spiked the juice with two ground-up Elderly 60+ Vitaman™ brand Man Vitamins (khaki flavor) stolen from a bottle that Ford had bought for Stan and that Stan forgot to take.

"Okay!" Mabel turned around and squinted up at Bill. "Strike a pose!"

"Not like this!" Bill shoved a hand in Mabel's face to force her to stop looking. "Draw me how I really look."

"Bill, that's illegal. Remember?" Mabel pointed at the TV. Bodacious T was reporting on a child who'd dressed up for Summerween as "that weird out-of-towner who bothered us last year, you know the one," and who, under the Never Mind All That Act, had been fined fifty pieces of candy. The child's mugshot showed his crying face, but blurred out his yellow costume.

"He'd be the coolest kid in town," Bill said, "if he wasn't such a crybaby in front of the cops. Draw me anyway."

"I don't wanna get arrested!"

"Do you see any cops?" Bill grinned. "Just don't sign your name, nobody will know it was you."

Mabel considered that. "I can sign it someone else's name." She pulled out a few crayons.

"That's what I'm talking about! Do anything you want forever and frame the innocent!"

"What do you want me to draw you doing?"

"The coolest thing you can think of."

Mabel considered that, and got to work.

The news was boring now. They were talking about the weather, and it wasn't even interesting weather. "So hey, you were gonna tell me about filming last night?"

"Oh yeah!" Mabel said. "Did I mention the part where the dead rose from their graves?"

Bill muted the TV. "And I missed it?"

Robbie had decided the cemetery at his place would be more atmospheric than the trick-or-treater-filled streets (and less likely to have their shots ruined by passersby that didn't appreciate the depth of Robbie's lyrics). It went great, until the vibrations of angsty rock-and-roll stirred the slumbering corpses and they clawed their way from their graves. It turned out Gravity Falls had been having off-and-on invasions of the undead for the past year, ever since somebody decided to reanimate every corpse in town for fun, Bill.

"You can't prove it was me, I'm not the only one who knows how to raise the dead!" Bill laughed. "Hey—you're not drawing this body, are you? You said you wouldn't."

"I'm not, I promise!"

"Then why do you keep staring at me?"

"Um."

"Let me see!"

"No! Don't ruin the surprise!" Mabel picked up a glitter pen with feathers glued to the end and waved them in Bill's face. "And no cheating with your eye-bleeding psychic magic!"

Bill smacked the pen away. "Fine! So what did you do with the zombies? Feed one of the teens to them?"

"No! I chewed like four packs of gum me and Dipper got from the weird homeless dentist and made a fake baby brain. We used it as bait to lead them into an open grave," Mabel said. "And then we realized we could use the brain to train them to do tricks! So now we have dancing zombies in the music video. They actually learned the choreography pretty easily."

"Makes sense," Bill said. "I did fill the space where their souls should be with an insatiable hunger to party."

Mabel grinned. "I thought you said they weren't your fault."

"If they're good at dancing, I'm taking credit!"

"They were pretty good—especially considering how many limbs they were missing," Mabel said. "I'll show you when Robbie's finished editing the video."

"And I'll get to see you playing a creepy ghost kid, right?"

"Yeah! We were the greatest ghosts ever! Check it out, we were like—" Mabel fixed Bill with a dead-eyed slack-jawed stare and whisper-sang, "'We're the things that you have lost. Childhood joy, dead as a ghost.'"

"Chills."

"Dipper tried so hard to get in character as a ghost that he completely zoned out for a minute! When we shook him out of it, he said he felt like he had an out-of-body experience!"

####

At his computer, Robbie clicked play on a clip of the twins standing side-by-side in front of the cemetery gate. As they sang the chorus, Dipper's face went still; and then a spectral gray form rose out of his head, still singing in sync with Mabel.

"Whoa," Robbie said. "Sick. I'm keeping that in."

####

"So, it turns out my bro is an expert method actor," Mabel boasted.

Bill thought back to Dipper drifting up and down the stairs in the middle of the night. "Yep. Sounds like he's got quite a talent."

Mabel set down her crayons and held out a paper. "Okay—what do you think?"

Bill accepted the drawing. "Am I riding on the back of a rocket ship?"

"Like a bucking bronco! See the rocket flames doing a loop?"

"Sure do. Why am I holding a fish bowl?"

"It's like a cowboy waving his hat, but, you're in space. So that's your astronaut helmet."

"It's beautiful," Bill said intensely. "It's the best thing I've ever seen."

"Aw, really? Thanks!"

"When I take over the universe, I'm rearranging the constellations to look like this."

"Don't do that, though."

"Fine, but I'm hanging it up in my throne room." Bill set down his empty glass so he could hold the picture with both hands, beaming at it as proudly as though he'd made it himself. Big change from his lukewarm reception of her house drawing yesterday. She should draw Bill more often. Being a good artist meant understanding what your audience wanted.

Unfortunately, now that she'd finished her drawing, she didn't have anything to distract her from staring at Bill. And she'd taken about as much of seeing him as she could stand. "Bill. I say this with non-judgmental love. But you look sooo terrible."

"Yeah, I know. I think I'm shaped about as nicely as a human could ask for," he pantomimed drawing a triangle in front of his torso, "but let's be real, there's only so much you can do when you're working with a human bone structure. And there's way too much neck—"

"No! Bill, your body is beautiful just the way it is, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I meant your hair looks awful."

Bill had taken a shower yesterday morning, emerged with his hair all wet and tangled, and done absolutely nothing to detangle it. And then, with it still half damp and totally disheveled, he'd shoved it under a cheap acrylic wig for the rest of the night. And then he'd fallen asleep on the floor still wearing the wig.

And now, with the wig removed, his hair looked like a bird had plucked out half a scarecrow's straw brains and made a nest out of it.

"It sure does," Bill said, with the slightly forlorn air of someone complaining about a war in a far-off country over which one had no power.

"So brush it!"

"No. Never. You can't make me."

"Why not? I thought you wanted to keep your hair all triangly!"

"Not enough to touch it. Either it'll figure out how to straighten out on its own or it won't, I'm not messing with it. I've got enough going on in my life today." By which he meant he had the last lingering traces of a hangover, which was a valid excuse to get out of all social, moral, and aesthetic obligations.

Mabel groaned in frustration. "I can't take looking at it anymore! If you won't brush it, can I?"

Bill gave her a skeptical look; but then he flung his hands out dismissively. "Sure, why not? If it bothers you so much. Have at it."

"I'll be right back!"

She got her brush from upstairs and a spray bottle from the kitchen, and directed Bill to sit on the floor so she could get on the couch behind him. After making such a fuss about brushing his hair, Bill was surprisingly well-behaved with somebody else brushing it for him. He didn't even complain when Mabel accidentally yanked on some nasty snarls a little harder than she meant to.

"I feel like a corpse getting prettied up for my funeral," Bill said. "Grooming each other is how humans bond, isn't it? This is one of your little social rituals? If all you wanted was to make sure we're still friends after you ditched me last night, you could have just asked."

Mabel shoved her foot between Bill's shoulder blades. Wise guy. She joked, "Yeah! We're bonding now! After this we're gonna paint each other's fingernails and talk about what kind of boys we like."

"I want rainbow spiral fingernails."

Mabel really should be used to this—but she still kept getting surprised that Bill was interested in the stuff she liked. And not even in a patronizing sure-I'll-play-along way. He'd turned to look at her. There was a gleam in his eyes. He really wanted rainbow spiral fingernails.

And now she wanted rainbow spiral fingernails, too. "Fine! But look forward until I finish your hair." One way or another, Mabel vowed, she would reform Bill into a proper good guy—even if she had to drag him there kicking and screaming. Fun dress-up partners were hard to find, and she couldn't afford to lose Bill.

####

Soos wandered to the living room to find somewhere to hang up his and Melody's "Best Couple Cosplay" award, but stopped in the doorway.

Bill, Mabel, and Waddles were sitting on the floor, watching some kind of cartoon psychedelic fairy princess lecture a spider on the importance of colors, with a bowl of popcorn between them. Bill and Mabel both had bright multicolor fingernails and were eating the popcorn with chopsticks to avoid touching their nails. There was more popcorn on the floor than in the bowl. Waddles had taken no such cares to avoid dragging his freshly painted hooves through the carpet.

"Truth or dare," Bill said.

"Dare!"

"Dare you to assassinate the..." Bill trailed off. "I can't have the mayor assassinated, he runs Rainbow Club. And the sheriff and deputy invited me... There aren't a lot of public officials in this dumb town, are there?"

"I'm not killing anybody, Bill. Truth."

"Fine, coward. What's your favorite toxic fume fragrance?"

"That's easy! Gasoline!"

"Hey, mine too! At least on this planet. It smells like—you know that smell that heralds the coming of rain? Gasoline is the smell that heralds a really fun time."

"Yeah! Like going on a road trip!"

Bill paused. "Right! I was... I was definitely thinking about road trips. That's exactly what I meant."

Mabel added, "And it looks so cool when there's a little bit spilled in a parking spot—"

"The rainbow puddles! Yes! Big fan of the rainbow puddles—"

"I love parking lot rainbow puddles! It's like surprise happiness in the most boring place on the planet!"

Soos mumbled, "Girl talk," decided to hang his award up later, and left.

####

Dipper heard the bedroom door open and Mabel call, "Hey Dipper!"

"Hey." He didn't look up from his journal, where he was documenting last night's zombie adventures. "Oh, hey, bad news—Wendy said she got a text from Robbie, it sounds like all the footage from the cemetery last night is ruined?"

"Aww! What? But we worked so hard to train those zombies!"

"Yeah, it's just static. But everything we shot outside the gates is fine. I wonder if it's something supernatural that interferes with electronics?"

"Something supernatural? In the cemetery? Full of zombies? What are the odds of that!" Mabel laughed. "But heyyy, I've got some good news!"

"What?"

Mabel stuck a hairbrush full of gold hair between Dipper's face and his journal. "I got a replacement for the Bill hair sample we gave Pacifica!" She grinned and whispered, "Wanna make a poppet?"

####

It would have been really cool if the first full moon of summer vacation had come on Summerween. But the calendar gods were unkind that year, and instead, it came the next day, on June 23.

Which worked out, in the end, since it meant they didn't have any scheduling conflicts on the one night they could make a poppet.

They had the ritual space set up in their bedroom—a chalk star drawn on the floor with a black candle at each point—and the doll representing Bill—which Mabel had upgraded with button eyes and a miniature version of his favorite knit hoodie. They collected all the shed blonde strands off Mabel's hairbrush, wrapped them around the doll's neck, and tied them on. They set the doll in the center of the star; Bartholomew talked them through the ritual; the flames on the candles leaped a foot in the air, turned a pale blue, and then went out; and the binding ritual was complete. The doll was now connected to Bill Cipher.

"Weird," Bartholomew said. "Usually the flames turn black. I've never seen them turn blue before."

Dipper said, "That's not a problem, is it?"

"No, no. I've just never used the binding ritual on an alien before! I guess it works a little different!"

Dipper picked up the doll and eyed it skeptically. "Mabel, I know we said we're saving this for emergencies only, but—maybe we should test it out just to make sure it actually works?"

"I guess we should," Mabel said, grimacing. "Just—don't do anything that'd hurt him. Okay?"

Yeah, Dipper should've expected that. Whether he liked it or not, Mabel didn't just see Bill as her weird experiment in criminal rehabilitation—she saw him as her friend. He sighed. "Okay. But is it fine if we do something that would embarrass him?"

Mabel shrugged. "I don't see why not!"

####

As they crept from their room, Mabel whispered, "What if we stick him in a box and shake it up? And then tell him there was an earthquake!"

"I thought you were the one who didn't want to hurt him."

"Oh right."

Bill wasn't on his cushions under the window, so they crept downstairs. Halfway down, Dipper stopped, putting a hand on Mabel's arm. Bill was sitting at the kitchen table, chin in his hand, staring out the window.

"This is perfect," he whispered. "He's completely vulnerable. He's got his back to us, he's looking at the moonlight—even if he turns around, he won't see us because his eyes will have to readjust to the dark."

"I don't know if his eyes need to adjust," Mabel said. "Have you ever noticed he never turns the lights on when he goes into a room?"

Dipper considered that. He hadn't noticed—but now that Mabel mentioned it, Bill did have a tendency to lurk in the dark. "Well—okay, but he's still not looking at us. Let's see how this works..." He studied the doll; then turned it around and gently brushed a finger through its yarn hair.

For a moment, nothing happened; and then Bill swatted at the back of his head and looked around, as if he was trying to find what had touched him.

"I think it's working," Dipper hissed.

"Are you sure? What if there's actually a fly in the kitchen?"

Could be. "Let me see if it can control him."

"Careful—"

Dipper grabbed one of the doll's arms and tentatively lifted it.

Bill's arm shot up. He stared at it in bafflement. "Wh...?"

Mabel bit her lip. Dipper waved the doll's arm.

Bill's arm waved. After a pause, he tentatively asked, "Hello?" As if he thought maybe his arm was waving at someone and he should play along with it.

Mabel and Dipper clapped their hands over their mouths, fighting to keep their giggles quiet. Mabel elbowed Dipper, "Hey Dipper Dipper Dipper, get him to stand up, let me control his legs, I have the best idea—"

Bill knocked over his chair and had to flail his arms for balance as he abruptly jerked to his feet. He looked around, eyes wide and wild, an edge of panic to his voice as he hollered, "WHAT'S GOING ON!"

Dipper held the doll out to Mabel. "Okay hurry!" Mabel took it by the legs—

—and Bill started doing the cancan. He shrieked. "WHAT?!"

Dipper shoved his shirt over his mouth to muffle his hysterics. Mabel was letting little wheezy squeaks out through her nose. Bill's voice was almost an octave higher as he screamed, "WHEN I FIND OUT WHO'S BEHIND THIS, I'M GONNA SHRED YOU—" and they both got so close to bursting laughing out loud that they had to pause to punch each other's shoulders for self control.

Still holding one of the doll's legs up, Mabel hissed, "Dipper do you remember the bottle dance. Where they crouch down with bottles on their heads. Can we—can we get a tiny bottle for the doll—"

Bill was failing both arms to avoid falling with one foot held in the air. He grabbed the counter for balance. And then, with a grunt of effort, he wrenched his foot down and stomped it to the ground.

The doll's leg yanked out of Mabel's hand.

Dipper and Mabel fell silent, staring at the doll. They looked at each other. Mabel whispered, "It shouldn't be able to do that, right?"

They looked at Bill.

Bill's face was burning red, and he was so far past fury that his expression was perfectly blank. His eyes were huge, and round, and pointed straight at them.

They bolted up the stairs.

Bill charged after them.

They screamed in terror. They weren't loud enough to drown out Bill: "WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU BRATS—"

Mabel grabbed Dipper's arm. "Dipper, do something!"

"Uhh—!" He tossed the doll in the air and caught it.

They heard an alarmed yelp as Bill was launched in the air and then a crash as he landed on the stairs again.

They scrambled into their room and slammed the door. "Safe!" Mabel said.

"Yeah," Dipper said, panting for breath. "Can't get us here."

The doll's head twisted 180 degrees to stare up at them.

They yelped. Dipper tossed the doll to Mabel. Mabel held it out at arm's length, threw it in her nightstand's drawer, and slammed it. It tried to open again and she leaned against it with her full body weight. "Dipper, the duct tape! In my craft supplies!"

"Which craft supplies?!"

The tiny knocking inside the drawer was echoed by the pounding at the door, accompanied by a string of creative death threats: "—and when I'm finished the coroner won't know which corpse was which! I'll make a belt out of your spinal columns—!"

"We didn't do anything," Mabel shouted, "it wasn't our fault!" She took the duct tape from Dipper and frantically wrapped it around the night stand. Dipper added, "It was someone else! And we'll never do it again—"

Sleepy and muffled, Soos's voice drifted through the door, "Dudes? What's all the hubbub?"

Dipper and Mabel gasped, "Soos!" "Save us!"

His voice the perfect tone of righteous indignation, Bill declared, "I'm being assaulted, that's what!"

Stan's voice joined in from downstairs: "BILL! If you don't leave those kids alone I'll cave your nose in!"

"THEY'RE THE AGGRESSORS," Bill screamed, half hysterical. "They are! I'm the victim here! I'm being victimized!"

Stan shouted, "Kids, good work! Bill, you can go to—" He grumbled as he self-censored, "—sleep! Shut up and go to sleep!"

"You can go jump in the bottomless pit, Stanley Pines! I'll tear you all apart with my teeth if I have to! NOBODY in this stupid junk heap of a shack is getting any sleep until I get my—"

From just outside the attic door, Stan roared, "BILL!"

There was a dull thud as Bill leaned against their door; a lot less shouty, he quickly said, "I'm going to bed, I'm going to bed, I'm going to bed."

"That's what I thought," Stan snapped. The kids heard his footsteps retreating downstairs. Soos said, "Um... night," and his door shut. After a moment, there was the creak of footsteps retreating from the attic door.

Dipper and Mabel slowly, softly snuck across the room to the door, and pressed their ears to the crack. No sound.

They stayed there for several minutes, barely breathing, listening to the silence.

Finally, Mabel pulled away and looked at Dipper. They both nodded, and Dipper opened the door a crack to check if the coast was clear.

Bill's eye stared in. "Hey, kids!"

They yelled. Dipper tried to slam the door; but Bill had already shoved his hand through. Fingernails painted with neon colors and black spirals clawed at the doorframe. He shouldered through the gap in the door, and then he was in the room, smiling much too wide and eyes fixed on them like helicopter spotlights on two wanted criminals. There was blood on his teeth. "Wow! Playing with poppets?"

Dipper upturned his suitcase and held it up like a shield. Mabel pointed a can of spray paint at Bill's face. Bill took a step closer and they took a step back.

"Pretty advanced trick for a couple of children your age," Bill said conversationally. "Not bad, not bad at all. Heck, I'm impressed you pulled it off! Although you didn't make a very smart choice of test subject." He stomped a foot twice.

Something in the nightstand thudded twice. The twins jumped. Bill laughed at them.

Mentally cursing himself for having flinched, Dipper straightened his back and glared at Bill. "You're just mad you got jerked around like a puppet! What's the matter, Bill—you can dish it but you can't take it?" Mabel looked at Dipper like he was crazy.

Bill's indulgent smile cracked, dropping into a snarl of rage. He shifted his weight toward them. Mabel dropped into a judo stance and Dipper sucked in a breath to shout for Stan.

Before anyone could launch a full attack, Mabel took a shaky breath in, forced a nervous smile, and said, "Bill, hey..." (His eyes snapped to her face like a predator that just heard a twig snap.) "This was—just a funny prank, and we're all cool? Right?"

"Mabel," Dipper muttered. "Shhh!"

But Mabel kept looking at Bill. "Right? Buddies?" She held up her arm, showing Bill her friendship bracelet.

Bill stopped and rocked back on his heels. He gave Mabel a long, hard look—like he was seriously considering whether to accept the reality she was inventing. "Yeah. Real funny." Smiling through grit teeth, he said, "You know—it's been a while since I've had my energy strung between two vessels. I didn't even know what that experience felt like for a human! Very interesting. Educational. And it was nice to feel weightless again for a second. Even if the landing was a little rough." He licked the blood off his teeth. One of the teeth shifted. "So—thanks so much for spicing up a boring night. It's been a real blast. Hasn't it." He stared at them like he expected an answer—and possibly like he planned to strangle whoever answered first.

Dipper and Mabel exchanged a look. Dipper shook his head slightly. Mabel looked Bill in the eyes again. "Yeah! Big blast. So, you're not... mad. Right? Nobody's mad!"

Bill stared her down for a moment longer; and then said, "Sure, kid! It's all fun and games!" He forced a laugh—and then another, longer one, hahhh, like he was exhaling all his rage. And just like that, he was back to normal. "I'll admit it—for a second there, you almost got me good! Not bad at all." He held out his hand insistently. "And now the game's over, so you're gonna give me that toy so I can neutralize it. Aren't you?"

Dipper bit his lip, looking past Bill toward the stairs. He could yell for Stan; there was no way Bill could kill them before reinforcements got here—

Mabel elbowed Dipper's side and whispered, "We can't keep it."

And she was right. Now that Bill knew about the doll, he'd be spending all his time plotting how to get past them to take it, and they wouldn't have a second's peace. Either he got it now, or he got it later. Bill wouldn't rest until the doll was out of their hands.

Because he was terrified of it. Why wouldn't he be?

"Yeah," Dipper sighed. "Game over."

"I'll get it." Mabel peeled just enough duct tape off the night stand to wiggle it open a crack and try to squeeze her fingers in. Bill stretched his hand toward Mabel, and the doll stretched an arm out of the drawer. Mabel flinched in surprise, but grabbed the arm and yanked the doll free.

"Ow." Bill grabbed his shoulder and rolled it gingerly. "Careful, kid, are you trying to dislocate my arm? I don't mind popping it back in, but eventually that socket's gonna wear out."

"Sorry! It was a tight squeeze." She held the doll over Dipper's suitcase shield. "Here."

Bill snatched it from her hand. "Thanks a million, star girl." He favored them both with his most nearly-charming, far-too-wide smile. "Good night, kiddos. Have sweet dreams."

"You too," Mabel said weakly.

Bill left. Dipper shut the door. He and Mabel both heaved a sigh of relief.

From the loft over the attic, Bartholomew called, "Is he gone?"

"What are you doing up there?" Mabel asked. "Barty-mew-mew the scaredy-cat."

"I'm not fighting that guy, I'm porcelain and he's crazy."

Dipper flopped on his bed and stared at the ceiling. "Welp. I'm gonna have nightmares about Bill chasing me up the stairs."

Mabel sat on her own bed. "He just wanted to terrify us. And to keep us from seeing we'd terrified him." She fingered the star beads on her friendship bracelet. "He wouldn't have hurt us, I'm sure of it."

"Wh—seriously? You don't think Bill—"

"I know! But he's changed a tiny bit! He'd hurt anyone else, but he won't hurt us," Mabel said. "Or—well, me, at least. But I think he'll leave you alone too if I'm with you!"

Dipper pushed himself up on his elbows to look at her. "If he'd caught us on the stairs, do you really think he wouldn't have tried to tear us apart?"

Mabel considered that; and then reluctantly admitted, "He wouldn't hurt me as long as he remembers he doesn't want to hurt me."

"Yeah, well. I wouldn't count on him remembering when he's mad." Dipper slid under his covers and rolled over. "Barty, can you get the lights?"

"Sure, one second." All the lights and lamps in the room flickered ominously; and then, with a sinister pop, snapped off without being touched.

"Thanks, man."

Mabel didn't climb into bed. She was staring at her fingernails. She'd painted them the same colors as Bill's; but she'd used a black marker to draw spirals on his, and he'd drawn stars and sloppy tiger stripes on hers. In the dark, the colors were all faded.

This time, just once, maybe she and Dipper were the bad guys. He might disagree—he'd actually been puppeted, maybe he saw this differently from Mabel—but that probably didn't make it okay to do it back to Bill just for fun. They should've saved the poppet for an emergency. And the cancan, she decided, was definitely too much.

She smoothed out her covers; then she pulled up her knees to her chest, hugged them, and stared thoughtfully down at Bill's face in the middle of her zodiac blanket.

####

In the dark and quiet of the downstairs bathroom, Bill sat cross-legged on the toilet lid. He held the doll in his cupped hands. Soon, he'd disassemble it—but not yet. Tonight, it was his tool. He shut his eyes and focused on it.

There was the thinnest thread of energy, channeled through his shed hair, connecting this doll to him. He studied the thread, feeling it in his mind, exploring it, strengthening it—until he could almost feel it tugging on him.

And then he started psychically groping for similar connections.

He set the doll on the floor, on top of the drawing Mabel had given him.

His other eyes—the billions of depictions of his face scattered across this planet—weren't meant to be used in this dimension. They were designed like windows he could peer through from the Nightmare Realm; here on Earth, he was on the wrong side of the windows to see through them. And he wouldn't be surprised if the Axolotl had somehow found a way to blindfold them on top of that—after all, he seemed to have done the same to most of Bill's other abilities.

But Bill was resourceful, he was stubborn, and he didn't have anything better to do.

He focused all his energy on trying to feel the drawing the same way he felt the doll, searching for a connection between this body and that face—and he searched, and searched, and searched.

He wasn't sure how long he tried. At least a couple of hours. Straining, straining—for nothing. His head hurt.

What was the difference? The doll was shaped like him, the drawing was shaped like him. What did the doll have that the drawing didn't?

The hair. A bit of his flesh.

Bill knelt over the picture, studying it in the dark. He opened an eye wide, wiped a fingertip across the surface of his eyeball to collect his tears, and pressed it to the drawing's eye.

He could feel a thread of energy stringing from his eye to the paper.

He climbed back on the toilet lid, shut his eyes, and focused on that thread. With an effort that threatened to split his head in two, he pried open his inner eye. And then he was staring up at his own human form from the drawing on the floor.

His body was shaking. His head was throbbing. He wobbled dizzily on the toilet; and as he saw himself topple off, his trance broke, the vision disappeared, and he blacked out. White spots burst behind his eyes.

When he next opened an eye, the room was spinning. He shut his eye. It was several minutes before he could sit up without being sick. He leaned against the wall and let the sweat on his forehead and cheek soak the old wallpaper.

The white spots he'd seen as he passed out were his distant all-seeing eyes.

He'd done something tonight. That was good. But there was no way he was seeing through any other pictures like that. He needed something he could focus his power through, like an antenna.

He needed gold.

####

(Last chapter of the year!! If you enjoyed, I'd love to hear y'all's thoughts & comments! Thanks!)

#bill cipher #human bill cipher #gravity falls #gravity falls fanart #gravity falls fic #fanart #my art #my writing #bill goldilocks cipher

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everythingacotarbxm1012 · 1 month

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Nightmares & Dreams

Summary - Cassian just needed some physical contact to help him sleep.

A/N - Friendly reminder that canon cassian does like physical contact. Also, it’s short but I just needed to get something out there so here it is! 620 words.

*Don’t repost or translate my work without my permission. *These characters and world do not belong to me.

🌌✨🌌

Cassian was known for many things. To the entirety of Prythian he was an Illyrian, a warrior, a General––Lord of Bloodshed. To his family he was a brother, a friend, a jokester, and a poor diplomat, who went to Rita’s for the drinks, not the dancing.

His life was really rather simple. Get up, train, train some more, maybe make a few visits required of him. Eat, sleep. The sleep was less predictable. Somehow there was this magic belief that he was so strong and he really only suffered injuries. His work came with more than physical consequence.

Cassian had injured and killed countless people during his lifetime. When the carriage was over he often found himself vomiting, sometimes mourning his victims––the guilt pumping through his veins. Guilt that chased him even when he slept. He had become used to the lack of sleep. It wasn’t uncommon for Cassian to wake up two or three times throughout the night from his nightmares. Flashes of death all around him, and then he was suddenly sitting up in his bed, in a cold sweat.

Cassian had also grown used to the following hour of lying awake, unable to get himself to fall back asleep. That hour alone with his thoughts, the images from the nightmares flashing before him. Then there were some mornings when he didn’t try to fall back asleep. Those were the mornings that people took him as a dedicated warrior who rose extra early to train, not a general running from his nightmares.

Then you entered the picture. For the number of times he had been to Rita’s Cassian questioned how you had never caught his eye. A beautiful female Illyrian freely dancing on the floor amongst others, lost in the music.

“Cassian! Cassian! Did you… oh–” Mor said before realizing Cassian was already heading for you. She subtly smirked to herself.

Somehow between the many bodies and loud music, Cassian managed to find himself in an intimate conversation, one that flowed effortlessly. The following night Cassian found himself at Rita’s again, but unlike past nights he didn’t head straight to the bar.

“She’s over there,” Mor said with a grin, pointing towards where you were dancing.

Cassian didn’t respond, making his way to you––his reputation parting the crowd for him. It happened again. Hours of conversation only this time Cassian found you in his bed that night. It felt like he had barely fallen asleep when he was plagued with a nightmare.

He stood in the middle of a field, everyone dead around him and then he saw Rhys, Feyre. Cassian turned his head to see Az and Mor. Nesta’s body over Elain’s, protecting her sister until her last breath. Then he was down in the library again and he was being dragged away down, down, down.

But for the first time something called to him, to pull him away from the Bryaxis. “General? General?! Cassian!”

Everything blurred around him and suddenly was back in bed…next to you. Cassian glanced over to you, his chest rising and falling rapidly.

“Cassian,” you could see the panic in his eyes and without a second you wrapped the Lord of Bloodshed in your arms.

Cassian didn’t protest, a fuzzy feeling filling his body. He adored physical contact. He clung to you like you were a lifeline, his arms tightly around your middle until his heartbeat slowed and for the first time in his life it didn’t take an hour to find sleep, only half that time. Just before Cassian completely drifted off he felt a tug at his chest, a feeling he had waited for all his life, a feeling that told him you were his dream.

#cassian x reader #cassian acotar x reader #feyre x rhysand #cassian acotar #reader #feyre archeron #rhysand acotar #azriel acotar #mor acotar #bryaxis #nesta archeron #elain archeron #acotar fanfic #acotar fanfiction #acotar oneshot

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laramcelino · 1 month

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My head is wrapped on Nalu baby's soo...

Headcanons about the children of the canon couples in Fairy Tail ✨✨

or at least the ones closer to canon, I'm watching your teasing Mashima

Nalu

Get angry with me all you can, but they don't have a lot of children, oddly enough Nasha is one of the few in the guild who were planned.

Natsu is totally a girls daddy, it's the vibe.

They have Nasha after getting married, she is the spitting personality of Natsu, but learned to like books like Lucy.

They had some false alarms and when it really happened the pregnancy was hard for Lucy and the baby.

They got scared to try again, and Lucy was brokenhearted because she knew Natsu would want more despite him constantly saying that Nasha would be more than enough.

After at least two years they end up adopting a baby boy they rescued on a mission.

The boy is almost as chaotic as Nasha, but is more calculating than his impulsive sister.

The two fight a lot, Lucy is the rigid parent who makes them stop, Natsu is the one wrapped around their fingers, and gets scolded together.

Despite fighting, the kids are very close, play together all the time and protect each other a lot.

When the kids are sad and wanna talk about it they go to Lucy, when they just wanna be held they go to Natsu.

Both times when the kids arrived the spirits were very eager to meet then but waited, except for Aquarius, she used her own energy, and brought gifts, but she also said they were very ugly.

Even though Natsu and Lucy don't have other kids, they would be parental figures to any lonely children who come across their life, and are the favorite uncle and aunt for most of the guild kids.

Gruvia

They have three at max, none planned as Gray was insecure about being a parent.

Gray cried at every single birth.

Juvia is a boys mother and is very jealous of all her kids.

Gray is the parent who puts then on tracks, and so he receives all the hate.

Greige was born months before Nasha, and has the shy nature of his mother .

The middle child is a girl, and if they have a third one would be a boy.

The girl is the princess of the house and is very spoiled, she has Gray infinite devotion.

Gajevy

Those two have at least five. None was planned.

As in the twin trouble novel Asuka seems to be at her mid/late teens, and the twins look six at most, I believe they are not the firsts but the second to born (I couldn't read the full novel to know more).

The first one is a girl, definitely born to defy Gajeel in every possible way, going further enough to ask Natsu some Dragon slayer tricks.

The twins are much more level headed than the firstborn, but Yajee is more impulsive than Jutla.

The fourth and fifth kids are the mischief ones, doing mess and troubling Levy, they also have different magic from their parents.

The fourth and fifth are closer to Natsu and Lucy's boy due to age closeness. When the three are quiet for too long it means they are making some trouble.

Both Gajeel and Levy are good at controlling their kids, but Gajeel does it by being strict and Levy does by tricking the kids, it works better with the more hot-headed ones.

All their kids know that Gajeel is soft-hearted about them getting hurt, so if they do trouble they come crying for him first, because if Levy learns she will be angry, and an angry Levy is a scary one.

Jerza

They only have one child

They are both scared of having children, cus of their bad childhood, Jellal never interacted much with kids and Erza tends to scare them.

Both are very protective.

Their son was an accident that happened on their honey moon.

Was a happy accident though.

He is very smart and takes after Jellal more, being closer to Erza on the aspect of being a good leader.

He is closer to age to the oldest of Gajeel and Levy, so the duo control the kids brawls in the guild hall.

The boy is also very independent from a young age, and Jellal is always scared of not being present enough for him.

Erza tries to be subtle but she loves to say how proud she is of her boy.

As Erza gets older she takes after Makarov when she becomes the master and develops a kind of motherly feeling to the younger generations of the guild, so subtlety she gets a lot of kids.

CobraxKinana

Have only one boy, who very fiercely loves Fairy Tail.

They have him some years after their wedding, the kid would be closer to the twins age.

Cobra didn't want kids, as they make much noise, but accepts because of Kinana, so he would be one of few planned ones.

She is a very dedicated mother, and the type who only stopped working when was due to labor, and returned very early on too.

Kinana would come to work with the baby wrapped in cloth like a kangaroo and it was the sweetest sight at the guild.

Elfgreen

They have two, I don't care gender.

In a very cartoonist way one is the spitting image and personality of Elfman, and the other of Evergreen.

Evergreen loves to brag about how awesome and handsome her kids are.

She also likes to dress up then, uncle Bixlow likes too.

Elfman engages in any stupid ideas the kids have.

Both kids are scared of Laxus, and he got offended by it.

Mira spoils her nephews/nices a lot, but none the parents have the guts to ask her to stop, so anytime the kids wants something and the parents don't give, they run to aunty Mira.

As the kids grew Elfman and Ever become the type of parents that the kids ask them to grow up.

Bonus:

Characters I believe would be a single parent, either by adoption, having a child without contacting or knowing the father, or the child simply appears years later (like Cana to Gildarts).

Cana: adopted.

Bixlow: simply appeared, no one questions who the mom is, just how the kid will survive .

Laki: def don't know the father.

Lyon: appeared.

Kagura: adopted two girls from Mermaid Heel.

Hibiki: adopted, but everyone suspects the blood relation.

#fairy tail #fairy tail 100 years quest #fairy tail headcanons #gruvia #Nalu #gajevy #jerza #CobraxKinana #elfgreen #No Loke is not on the list #the greatest womanizer knows how to keep it safe

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sloanesallow · 2 months

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Big Brained

There's nothing wrong with being feral for one's husband, right? Sloane can't help it, especially when Sebastian shows off that big, sexy brain of his. ✨Sebastian Sallow x F!MC Tags: NSFW! MDNI! Sexual content, oral sex (m receiving), exactly one spank, and some Sebastian dirty talk. 2.5k words [Read on Wattpad] - [Read on Ao3] - [tumblr masterlist] Reblogs, comments, and kudos are always appreciated! ✨

The last place Sloane wants to be is the Ministry of Magic.

She has managed to avoid a permanent place at Whitehall, despite Minister Spavin’s constant and personal invitations for her to join their ranks. Her answer is always no—she does not want a career in the wizarding world’s government, preferring her freedom and whatever anonymity she has left. Unfortunately, the same could not be said for her husband, who is technically under their employment, contracted to work as a curse-breaker with the Department of Magical Law Enforcement.

At twenty, Sebastian is young, but incredibly talented, and one of the Auror’s greatest assets. He is usually in some far-off destination, exploring ancient tombs and collecting artifacts with a rag-tag crew, helping to chase down Dark Wizards and undo any havoc caused. Sloane travels with the group as an unofficial healer, treating mysterious and mundane wounds while researching remedies both magical and muggle. They are a dynamic duo of sorts, and the Ministry knows that the Sallows are a package deal, the bond inseparable—unbreakable.

After spending the last three months in the Austrian wilderness, they are back in London to receive a new assignment. Sloane spends the morning checking in on their dusty flat and shares a few cups of tea with Poppy in the local shoppe before venturing back to the second floor to find Sebastian. Even though he is rarely in-office, the Aurors keep a room clear for his use, tucked away from the hustle and bustle of what she calls the ‘bull-pen’.

Sloane can hear a few familiar voices as she approaches the open door, peeking her head in to see Sebastian in the middle of a fervent discussion with two of the officers who accompanied them in Salzburg. The other men don’t seem to notice her presence, but her husband acknowledges her entrance with a quick glance, the corner of his mouth twitching up before he refocuses his attention.

“Have the scouts reported back?”

“Yes, sir,” Jeffries, the older and more skeptical Auror replies. Sir—Sloane sees the subtle pride in Sebastian’s expression, even if the title causes her to bite back a laugh. Jeffries continues, “the rumors about increased activities on the Nordic coast are true. Intelligence suggests a small, but powerful group of heretics are attempting to locate bloodrunes, magic the Ministry hasn’t encountered in…centuries.”

That you know of, Sloane muses to herself as she idly peruses the nearby bookshelf, overflowing much like the shelves at home.

“Bloodrunes require significant power to activate,” Sebastian states, not bothering to specify if this knowledge is based on first-hand experience or not. He leans over the map spread out across the desk and traces a finger along the supposed site. “There are probably laylines that can be disrupted, but I won’t speculate until I see the area for myself.”

“Perhaps we should wait before sending a team—”

“Wait for what, exactly?” Sebastian interjects, raising an eyebrow in challenge. He straightens his posture and crosses his arms. “A blood sacrifice? Neither of you studied ancient magical tribes, so I won’t fault you for your ignorance, but the last time runes like these were activated, it triggered a tidal wave that destroyed the sea walls along the Nordic coast. Thousands of people were killed.”

Sloane glances up from the book she is pretending to read and feels only a little shame for ogling her husband when he is in the middle of an important conversation. But she enjoys watching Sebastian showcase his intelligence—he’s always been a little cocky, and rightfully so—he won’t back down when he knows he is right. With his coat discarded and sleeves pinned up, she can see the way the muscles in his arms flex as he waits for either man to respond.

“Alright, Sallow, you win,” the other Auror, Bartie, sighs. The red-headed Weasley is a few years older than her and Sebastian but is far more trusting than the rest of the old guard. “What do you need from us?”

Sebastian shrugs, trying not to smirk when he gets his way. “Whomever the department can spare, really. Preferably those who are proficient in more than just defensive magic. A liaison for the local communities as well, to safeguard them from harm.”

“Should I contact St. Mungos—”

“That won’t be necessary,” Sebastian waves off Jenkins’ inquiry. It should be known by now that the only healer needed is Mrs. Sallow—Sloane. The Aurors give curt nods and Sebastian flicks his gaze to where she is standing. “Now, if you’ll excuse me gentlemen, but I believe my wife has been waiting long enough.”

She smiles somewhat bashfully as the two men finally notice her just as they are being shooed out of the room. Jeffries is indifferent, but Bartie offers a polite smile and wave before leaving.

“Looks like we’re off on another adventure, sweetheart,” Sebastian says when they are alone, re-crossing his arms as he leans back against the desk. Sloane is already swiftly crossing the room, practically launching herself onto him as she swallows his surprised laughter in a kiss. He quickly hooks his arms around her waist, holding her steady as she presses up on her toes to meet his height the best she can.

“Mmm—hello,” he manages, pulling away with a breathless grin. “You’re certainly in a mood.”

“Yes, sir,” she simply replies, catching the glimmer of excitement that passes through his coffee-colored eyes. Sloane touches her heels back to the floor, smoothing her hands across his shoulders and chest, playing with the straps of his suspenders. “Is that so bad?”

“Not at all,” Sebastian hastily shakes his head and gives her hips an appreciative squeeze. “I’m usually the needy one, is all.”

“Well, I can’t help it when you show off,” she explains, undoing the first two buttons of his shirt. “I love your big brain.”

Sebastian’s brows twitch up at the word big, but before he can make a lewd comment she palms the front of his pants, and he croaks instead. He recovers quickly, hands snapping up to firmly cradle her face as he captures her lips in a kiss that speaks volumes of his hunger for her. Sloane matches his enthusiasm, tugging at his suspenders until they are hanging at his sides. As she flicks open the clasps of his trousers, he fumbles for his wand, muttering the necessary spells against her lips to slam shut the door, waiting for the audible click of the lock before tossing it aside.

It isn’t very often that Sloane is in control, and she takes full advantage of catching him off guard, not-so-gently pushing him back until he topples into the cushioned armchair with an oof. He watches her with a mesmerized expression, shifting to accommodate as she kneels between his spread legs. She continues with removing his trousers, pulling them down along with his underwear until the fabric pools around his ankles.

Sloane wastes no time, finding satisfaction in the way Sebastian’s breath hitches as she wraps one hand around the base of his cock, already hard from her teasing. She leisurely strokes him, pushing up his shirt so she can trail a path of wet kisses across his navel, hipbone, and thighs. Her thumb brushes over the sensitive head, spreading the gathering of pre-come as he shudders, breathing already labored. With a coy glance up through her lashes, she slowly takes him into the warmth of her mouth.

Sebastian’s fingers quickly thread into her hair, tugging at the ash-blonde strands as her lips slide down his length until she feels him against the back of her throat. She sucks in to create a perfect seal, repeating the up and down motion a few times before leaning back to swirl her tongue around the tip.

“F—fuck…” Sebastian groans, his head lulling back. Sloane steadily increases her pace, humming until the vibration prompts him to slide open his eyes to watch her head bob in his lap. Her fingers continue to stroke where her lips can’t reach, her other hand softly fondling his sac in a way that has his hips bucking up involuntarily.

She keeps her eyes on his face as it contorts with pleasure, brows furrowed deeply as he resists the urge to unravel too quickly. It’s thrilling for her to see him at her mercy, incoherent murmurs of praise falling from his lips as she eagerly coaxes him to the edge. His grip tightens in her hair, pressing against the nape of her neck, a telltale sign he’s close.

“Slo—Sloane,” he gasps, voice strained. “I—oh, fuck—I’m—”

The rest of his sentence dissolves into a strangled moan, his body tensing and cock twitching against her tongue as he spills his release. Sloane swallows it all, remembering to breathe through her nose as she takes every last drop he has to offer. Sebastian slumps back, in a daze as Sloane pulls away with a wet pop and self-satisfied smirk. There’s a lopsided grin on his face as he silently admires her, affectionately sweeping the hair from her face before brushing the pad of his thumb across her wet lips.

Even though Sloane can feel the slick of her arousal within her undergarments, she is content enough to wait until they return to their London flat for reciprocation. Seeing Sebastian so boneless and completely sated is satisfaction enough. She slides her hands across his thighs, gently massaging the remaining tension away.

“Ready to go home?” she asks, already imagining the evening ahead. A long bath, a hearty meal, and the comfort of their marital bed—not that they’ll be doing much sleeping.

Sebastian gradually sits up and Sloane pushes herself to stand, ready to help him right his trousers and gather his belongings so they can leave before more Aurors—or heaven forbid the Minister himself—stops by for another chat. But Sebastian shakes his head and the devilish gleam in his eyes is all the warning she has before his hands are on her, spinning her around to bend her over the desk.

“Seb!” the protest dies on her tongue as he hoists up her skirts, tucking them around her waist. Sloane sucks in a breath as he cups her, fingers pressing firm against the dampness of her knickers. He makes an appreciative sound, applying more pressure where she needs it the most, but just as she pushes back against his touch it’s gone, and all she can do is whimper at the loss.

“Don’t worry, darling,” Sebastian coos, peeling the delicate fabric away to expose her naked flesh. “I’ll take care of you.”

She lets out a surprised squeak when he playfully smacks her bare bottom, even more heat pooling in her gut as her legs tremble. Sebastian huffs a soft chuckle, this time smoothing the skin over with a gentle touch.

“More?” he asks, the deep timbre of his voice causing her to shiver.

She nods, barely remembering to speak, “yes.”

“Yes…?”

Sloane flushes—even after all these years, Sebastian can so easily fluster her. “Y—yes, sir.”

“Good girl.”

Perhaps some lingering naivety makes her believe he’ll simply take her like this, but no, her husband clearly has other plans for her. His hands slide up the back of her thighs until his thumbs are spreading her open, teasing her silken folds and entrance.

“Is this what I do to you?” he rasps, sliding two fingers through her arousal before slowly sinking them into her as she lets out a shuddering sigh. The way she flexes around him as he leisurely pumps in and out betrays just how impatient she is for his offer of pleasure. When she lifts her hips to meet his ministrations, Sebastian presses his free hand to her lower back, keeping her still.

“I said I’d take care of you,” his voice is gruffer than before, and she bites back a whine when he removes his fingers. “Do you want me to stop?”

“No,” she breathes, shaking her head. A part of her realizes this is Sebastian’s way of showing her who is really in charge, now.

“Do you want to come around my fingers?”

Sloane shakes her head again, fighting the urge to squeeze her thighs together for the slightest ounce of relief.

“No?” Sebastian feigns surprise, amused by her startled moan when he slips his fingers back inside her anyways. “My, my…you are needy today, aren’t you?”

All she can do is moan, disrupting the parchment on the desk as she grasps for purchase.

“Well,” he says in a sigh, curling his fingers to press against the spot that makes her vision blurry with stars. “You’ll have to use your words, my love. Tell me what you need.”

Sloane bites down a little harder on her bottom lip, her entire body now hot and prickled with goosebumps. She used to hate when he prompted her like this, attempting to coax filthy words from her lips and make her beg. But she really is too indigent right now to care, glancing over her shoulder to meet his wicked expression.

“Sebastian, I swear to God, if you don’t—”

“Isn’t it a sin to swear to God?” he muses, acting as if he isn’t knuckle-deep inside her. “My Sloane is much more polite than that.”

Insufferable tease—she huffs in frustration, but the warm swirl in her gut is a stark reminder that she loves it, loves him.

“Please,” she starts, deeply exhaling. “Shut up and fuck me.”

Sebastian tries to hide his delight but fails, laughing as he shifts to properly stand behind her, nudging her stance a little wider so they are properly aligned. “As my lady wishes.”

There is little teasing after that, Sebastian nudging his hardened-again cock against her before snapping forward to fill her in one fluid stroke. Her sharp gasp is drowned out by his deep groan and it’s very clear neither will last very long. Almost immediately, he sets a quick pace, the friction an agonizingly wonderful burn. Sloane can feel her legs shaking, straining as she stands on the very tip of her toes, Sebastian holding her up by the waist and hips to meet his thrusts.

“That’s it,” he grunts, not bothering to keep any sort of rhythm. He folds his body over hers, his free hand grasping her right wrist, pinning it to the desk as he bares his weight down. “Just like that.”

Sloane whimpers her approval, the warmth of him holding her down a comfort she never expected to enjoy or need. He ruts his hips against hers until they are both frantically crying out, core fluttering around him as he spills again, this time deep inside her heat.

It takes several moments for them to float back down to reality, Sloane sighing as Sebastian rests himself a little more comfortably across her back. He nestles his nose against her neck, affectionately sweeping through her sweat-matted hair as he presses a few lazy kisses to the shell of her ear.

He repeats her earlier ask with a breathless chuckle, “ready to go home?”

She hums her agreement, the two unhurried as they fix their appearances and attempt to tidy up any mess. As they leave the offices hand-in-hand, Sloane thinks to herself that maybe, just maybe, the Ministry of Magic isn’t so bad after all.

#hogwarts legacy #sebastian sallow #hogwarts legacy fanfic #sebastian sallow x mc #sebastian sallow x f!mc #sebastian sallow fanfic #sebastian sallow smut #fanfic

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george-weasleys-girl · 8 months

Note

Ahhh I’m tired of seeing people writing Fred as an aggressive dom. Isnt bad but i’m tired, so can i request a sub Fred?

Not hard, more like a needy Fred after a hard day working or the next morning after a hard day, the reader takes care of him at night and in the morning.... Well, you know✨

with the prompt "I can't focus with your damn hand in my, ah - ooh... " I’m leaving the shame to see you participating in the kinktober (if u cant let me know)

Ooh, I love this! Thank you for sending it in💕

On Your Knees

18+ only

Fred Weasley x fem!reader

Warnings: smut, cunninilingus, oral sex (male receiving), edging, intercourse

~•~

Fred Weasley co-owned Weasley Wizarding Wheezes, the most successful magical joke shop in recent history, with his twin George.

All day, every day, he was in charge. Making decisions, giving orders, and being responsible.

So, the last thing Fred wanted to do when he got home was be in charge. Especially on George's day off when he alone was responsible for keeping the shop running smoothly.

~•~

"I can't focus with your damn hand in my, ah - ooh..." Fred groaned as he attempted to finish up the last bit of paperwork for the evening.

"Good," Y/N mummered in his ear as she leaned over the back of his chair with her hand down his trousers, stroking his hardening cock. "You're down to just signing a few things anyway. She ran her thumb around his sensitive tip, sending shivers of pleasure down his spine before abruptly pulling away, illiciting a desperate whine from him.

"Finish up," Y/N ordered and sucked his precum from her fingers. "Then meet me in the apartment." With that she turned and waltzed out the door.

~•~

Less than fifteen minutes later, Fred stood naked before his fully clothed wife. A warm fire crackled in the fireplace, and a massive faux fur blanket lay nearby.

"On your knees," she commanded.

A small smile appeared on his face, and he did as he was told.

"You know what to do," she grinned.

"Yes," he said and began pushing up her dress. The scent of her cunt went straight to his throbbing cock. Y/N glanced down and smirked. "Mmm, you look so hot when you're oozing precum everywhere."

His cock twitched in response and he hurriedly pulled her panties down, helping her to step out of them. "Now, be a good boy and make me feel good," she purred. "Then I'll make you cum so hard people on the opposite end of Diagon Alley will need to light up a cigarette afterward."

Fred didn't have to be told twice, parting her folds, he went straight to work and licked the entirety of her pussy with one long stroke, before circling her swollen clit with his tongue.

"Oh fuck, that's so fucking good," Y/N moaned and threw head back. Happy with her praise, he shoved two fingers inside her while alternating between licking and sucking her sensitive nub. Her hands went straight to his hair, holding him in place as her legs began to shake.

"Yes, right there," she urged him on, her moans filling the room.

Fred felt her tighten around his fingers. He knew she was close and shoved a third finger in, angling them toward her g-spot. That's all it took to push her over the edge. He slid his free arm around her, holding her steady as she quivered and shook, while he happily lapped up every bit of her pleasure.

"You did so good, my good boy," Y/N smiled down at him. "Lie down now. It's time for your reward." Fred grinned and lay back on the blankets.

Y/N followed him down, hovering over him on her hands and knees. She kissed him long and deep. Then she proceeded to move down his body, kissing and licking, drawing soft moans from her husband's lips.

"Would you like me to suck your cock, sweet boy?" She asked, just inches away from his twitching member.

"Yes, please," he begged, bucking his hips up.

"You're so adorable when you're desperate," Y/N smirks and leans down to tease him, swirling her tongue around his sensitive tip.

"Oh fuck," he groaned and writhed under her. He uncontrollably thrust upward, pushing his cock deeper into her mouth. Y/N sat up immediately. "You know the rules. Be a good boy, and don't move," she said. "This will be your only warning."

Fred nods and stills himself. Y/N smiled and took him into her mouth again, slowly working her way down until he hit the back of her throat. A loud moan fell from his lips, but he didn't move. She began to work him, bobbing her head up and down, giving the tip a teasing swirl every time she reached the top. Her husband clawed at the blanket, his back arching as a series of groans and whimpers escaped his open mouth.

"I'm gonna cum," he grunted.

Y/N pulled off of him. "Not yet, you aren't."

"Please," he begged.

"Patience, my sweet boy," Y/N shook her head and began to stroke him. Excruciatingly slow at first."

"F-faster, please," he could barely get the words out.

Y/N ignored his pleas, continuing her slow pace. "You know, I can't decide whether I want to see how far you can spurt or if I want you to fill me up," she mused. "Do you have a preference?"

"N-no," he stuttered. "Just n-need to cum."

Without a word, she increased her pace, her free hand sliding down to cup his balls. "Oh God," Fred moaned and threw his head back.

Y/N smiled down at the beautiful sight. "So close, aren't you?"

By now, Fred had lost all ability to speak and just nodded his head vigorously.

"Too bad," she let his cock drop unceremoniously onto his stomach.

"D-did I do something wrong?" Fred whimpered.

"Not at all, sweet boy," she smiled. "You were perfect. A little too perfect, actually. And now I'm horny again." She positioned herself above his cock. "I want your cum to fill me up."

Fred didn't have time to answer before she slammed down, taking all of him inside her, all at once. This time she didn't hold back, fucking him hard and fast. Her moans matched his, as she watched his face contort in pleasure. She knew he wouldn't last long. But, that was ok. Neither would she.

Her pussy clenched around him. "Cum for me, baby," she ordered. With one long moan of raw ecstasy, he squeezed his eyes tight and emptied himself deep within her, the pulsing of his cock tipping her over the edge moments later.

Y/N collapsed beside him, and he shifted to lay his head on her breasts. "Feel better?" she asked, her voice still breathless.

"Beyond better," he smiled up at her. "I think the folks down the street are lighting up that cigarette now."

~•~

@milivanili99 @fancy-pantaloons @turvi @zvummyummy @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy @georgie-weasley @nighttimemoonlover @jsjcue @wzrd-wheezes @fredweasleyyyyy @hufflepuffie @alexistonks @anvaaryn @samshifts @asuperconfusedgirl @superduckmilkshake @mysticsheepsoul @gemofthenight @1lellykins @junerprsh @sierraluvz @wolfkill16 @smallsweetvanillabean @costheticbabe @charmedfandomgal @hanne-montana @rhunew @greenapplegrass @lizzytrees @spididerman @Havenater1920 @jelloangela @whotfskai @netflix-addict @lunacurlclaw

#fred weasley #fred weasley smut #fred weasley x reader #fred weasley x fem!reader #fred weasley x y/n #fred weasley x you

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internalscream1ng · 2 months

Text

Meister + Weapons Head canons TWST EDITION ✨

I heard the opening to the intro of the anime in 2024 and was like "omg" I used to be so hyper fixated (but never read the manga, I think I might this year) But now of recently I am highly fixated onto Twisted Wonderland! And I wanted to combine the two and give out my personal head canons of the characters either being meisters or weapons if they went to DWMA than NRC!

Heartslabyul

Riddle - Riddle would definitely be a meister! With being the dorm leader and all, he was definitely raised to be a fitted meister and the best of the academy! He would definitely probably be the type to try and follow in his mother's steps due to his past with her. But even though he trips up, he doesn't give up.

Trey - Trey seems like he would be a weapon. Just the vibes he gives off, he seems like the type who would try and support his meister (this case being Riddle) to the best of his ability. Trey weapons form would definitely be some sort of scythe. Something fitting for Riddle to hold of course.

Ace - 100% a weapon. I just want to see someone use him to whack someone. And he would be used as some sort of sword. There ain't much I can add onto this about him.

Deuce - He would at first be a rebel and refuse to become a meister. But knowing how his mother was worried about him, he promised to become the best meister that there is and maybe become one to protect his mother. He studies hard to become the best and will train whenever he can get his weapon to train with him! (Looking at you Ace!)

Cater - He is the only one in his family that is probably a weapon. But he masked himself as a meister so others couldn't tell about it.

Savanaclaw

Leona - He is a meister, his whole family is meisters in the Kingscholar family. Their weapons are paid well for serving them. He isn't one who will fight duels, but he does when it is important and when needed.

Ruggie - I'll keep this one brief! Ruggie would be a weapon, he tries to say he was a meister right ar orientation but Leona was quick to call his bluff. He is Leona's weapon for the money, and also, didn't we all play twst? We know how close the two are so I have no doubt that Ruggie would be Leona's weapon.

Jack - He would be some type of meister. He watched Leona's spelldrive tournament and if, a hard IF, Leona ended up competing (maybe against Malleus if anything) It would have sparked Jack to be like Leona. But after chapter 2 , he will work on being a meister that is good for him.

Octavinelle

Since the three are pretty much paired up together! I'm going to keep both Azul and the twins into this one to make it easy on me to type!

Azul would be a meister and the twins would be weapons.

I wanted to keep the thought of the meme "mafia fishes" in thoughts when thinking of them. That being said, I can only imagine Jade and Floyd being some type of weapons of guns!

Why do I think this? Come on!

Death the Kid and the Thompson's sisters!? The trio of them and the trio for Twst should be fitting!

Jade and Floyd being weapons for their meister, Azul!

Definitely might be a strange way to find out when swimming in the water and suddenly your find turned into some sort of weapon!

Scarabia

Kalim - Kalim would be a meister, but it isn't something he would take seriously, but that doesn't mean he doesn't know when to get serious. In all honesty, he might be the one you wouldn't want to cross due to the fact that his family is full of meisters and the Viper family is filled with weapons.

Jamil - Unfortunately for him, he would still have to serve Kalim even after moving away from home and into the school. He is willing to fulfill his duties in his family to protect the Al-Asim's (Kalim's family) son and will go as far to using his own body. Also, he is the only yelling at Kalim if he doesn't take using him seriously! I would like to see him be some sort of magic staff!

Pomefiore

Vil - Meister. Hands down, he would be so beautiful while fighting. He will move so gracefully! I actually had a hard time thinking about this, because I didn't want to make it obvious about him being a meister and Rook a weapon! But also, he will definitely try and model Epel into being a meister like him, while also fully supporting his style of using his weapon.

Rook - He is Vil's weapon like said before. I also like to think before they realized they were each other's meister and weapon, when Rook was in Savanaclsw he wanted to try and be used by Vil first hand. He transformed into a weapon best suited for Vil, I am not so sure what kind of weapon he would be and what would Vil use.

Epel - He fights back so hard when Vil tries to model him to be like him. He is thankful for the few sons but he wishes to fight in his own style. He does well, but he hasn't figured out his fighting form yet which causes him to trip up often.

Ignihyde

So like what I did for Octavinelle, I am going to put Idia and Ortno together.

It all started when they were younger and found out that Idia was a meister and his weapon being Ortho, they were best of friends, best brothers ever! More than just bonding over video games... However, it led to an incident where Ortho died while the two fought the monsters who had escaped after trying to sneak out.

With guilt, Idia made O. R. T. H. O, an AI weapon that is like the robot we see of Ortho now, his body can transform without magic, and while he still feels the connection of being his brother's weapon, Idia has guilt about what happened that day, and refuses to ever use O. R. T. H. O to fight his battles ever again.

It causes damage for them being meister / weapon but it's a bit of an angst idea for thinking of them!

Diasomnia

Malleus - A meister, one of the strongest from his family. He trained under Lilia for many reasons. He uses both Silver and Sebek to keep his guards close

Sebek and Silver - Both being guards for Malleus, they are his weapons too to protect the young prince. Both sworn to even use their bodies off needed to protect him.

Lilia - A meister, he fought in a war and definitely used Baul to become victorious!

Bonus: I wouldn't get descriptive here! I am just going to say if I think the Staff, RSA, and Rollo are weapons and meisters

Crowley - Meister

Crewel - Meister

Trein - Meister

Sam - Weapon

Vargas - Weapon

Neige - Meister

Chenya - Weapon - used by Neige 100%

Rollo - Meister

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throneofsapphics · 9 months

Note

ugh your writing is just 🤌✨

would you be willing to write peoplepleaser!reader x poly!feysand?

cancel it

Feysand x Reader

Summary: Feyre and Rhys ‘convince’ reader to take a night off

Warnings: none that I can think of

A/N: you’re too kind! thank you for the request, sorry it took so long!

‘You do too much,” Feyre said, her fingers working magic on your shoulders. Starfall was coming around and you took a few too many orders. You’d barely slept the last week, only stopping when absolutely necessary. Magic helped with some parts of the gowns, but you always insisted your work was best done by hand.

“She’s right,” Rhys’s smooth voice filled the room.

You set down the piece you’d been working on with an exasperated sigh. “I can’t cancel any orders.”

“Why not?” He slid into the chair across from you, propping an ankle on his knee, fingers interlaced behind his head.

“Starfall is a week away.”

“Plenty of time to find something else,” Feyre mused. You moaned as she hit a particularly sore spot, ignoring Rhys’s raised brows. “Money isn’t an issue.”

You’d had this disagreement. “It’s not for the money, I enjoy it.”

“Even though it’s driving you into the ground,” Rhys countered, “that doesn’t seem enjoyable.” You felt a gentle tap against your walls, and lowered them slightly. He showed you his perspective - the dark circles under your eyes, bruised hands, messy hair, and pushed him out.

Ignoring him, you turned to Feyre instead, “I still have four left, and a re-do. It’s only another week. I’ll be fine.”

“A what?” Rhys said shortly, and you turned to see his sharp eyes. Feyre’s hands paused briefly, before continuing.

“One lady did not like the one made for her daughter.” Your throat bobbed, your heart beating a little faster at the memory. That was a particularly horrible encounter, one that almost left you in tears as she tore the dress in front of you.

Based on Rhys’s expression, he’d seen the memory flashing through your mind. “Cancel her order.” A muscle in his jaw twitched, it wasn’t a question.

“I -”

“Yes you can, and will.” You frowned at him but his expression was unyielding.

“I’ll send the message if you don’t.” Feyre’s fingers pressed against your cheek, drawing your attention to her. Her eyes were softer, but just as firm - just as unyielding.

A flicker of amusement ran through you at the thought of that bitch receiving a letter from her High Lady. “I’ll send it,” you sighed.

“Good,” Rhys stood, rounding the table and extending a hand towards you. “Let’s go write it now.” You placed your hand in his, and he gently tugged you to your feet, guiding you right to his office.

“And you’re taking the night off.” Feyre said from behind you.

#acotar x reader #poly!feysand x reader #poly!feysand x y/n #feysand x reader #feysand x y/n #feyre archeron x y/n #feyre archeron x reader #rhysand x y/n #rhysand x reader #acotar fic #acotar imagine

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dungeon-strugglers · 1 year

Text

✨New item!✨ Wishbone Wondrous item, very rare

This goose furcula has been enchanted and engraved with powerful runes of fate. As an action, two creatures may each pull one side of the wishbone to break it in two. The creature that breaks away the larger portion of bone is granted one use of the wish spell. The other creature immediately dies, and its soul is consumed when the wish is used. To determine which creature dies and which gets the wish, they must choose evens or odds before breaking the wishbone, and then roll a die. Once the wishbone is broken, it loses its magic.

Henrietta ran home, taking a narrow deer path that wove through brambles and under grasping branches. It was long past dusk. Her mother was certainly going to be cross with her for playing in the forest after dark. Nevertheless, little Henrietta was grinning broadly. She had made friends with a strange woman in the woods who gave her a gift: a wishbone! The small forked bone was grasped in her hand, proof that she hadn’t imagined the encounter. According to the old lady, she would need to break the bone with another person before she could make her wish. Luckily, her brother Henry was outside gathering kindling when Henrietta arrived. He didn’t believe her story about the ugly green woman or the wish, but eventually agreed to participate. She was going to wish for a pet dog, one that could talk and dance, or maybe fly, she hadn’t decided yet. Henry said he would wish for endless kindling, so he could be done with his chores already. They each grabbed one end of the wishbone and pulled-

- 🖌🎨 Like our work? Consider supporting us on Patreon and gain access to the hi-resolution art for over 170 magic items, item cards and card packs, beautiful creature art and stat blocks, and setting pdfs with narrative hooks and unique lore!🧙‍♂️

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rascalentertainments · 12 days

Text

Wish Granted 🌟👩🏾🎶 (Wish Reimagined)

Chapter 1: Once Upon A Time...

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

We open up our story with the Disney 100th anniversary logo:

youtube

Then it transitions to the Walt Disney Productions title with the overture from Snow White playing, followed by the casts of the story and the people who worked together to create it. The next shot brings us a message from Walt himself, leftover from his very first movie.

(They had the AUDACITY to leave that out!? Shows how grateful they are...)

It fades to black and shows the camera panning over to a fancy 3D storybook with the title "Wish Granted" on the cover, and it slowly opens up, turning to the first couple of pages.

The narration begins with a young woman's voice reading in a calm, yet cheerful voice.

Once upon a time, in a land…pretty far away, there was a kingdom off the coast of the Iberian Peninsula. A Kingdom full of magic, dreams and wonder, Rosas.

The book then turns a page to show two pictures, one portraying a man, a woman and a lynx. The other showing a large kingdom near the sea.

In this kingdom ruled by King Magnifico and Queen Amaya, Rosas is a safe place for people all over the world. No matter where a person is from, they will have a safe and happy life. However.....

The book flips to the next page, showing Magnifico taking a wish from a citizen. On the first page, the woman his happily giving it to him, but on the second, she looks incredibly sad, gently clutching her chest with sorrow.

When you arrive, you must give your greatest wish to the king in exchange to live there. The cost of it leaves with you with an empty feeling inside, never being able to fill the hole in your heart until the king grants it himself.

The book flips to another page showing a girl in purple, a yellow glowing person, their pet goat looking upwards and the shadowy figure of the royals holding the wishes in their hands.

This is a story about a girl, a star, a goat, a kingdom and a wish. This is a story about how anyone can make their wishes come true....

The camera then zooms in on the next page, transitions into 2D as it goes directly into the storybook.

We see few boats crossing the sea, making their way towards Rosas. A little redheaded girl is taking a look at the approaching kingdom. "Look, mommy! Is that it? Is that our new home?" she asked enthusiastically, pointing ahead. Her mother joined her and nodded as a smile crept across her face. "Yes, dear. That's Rosas." she said with hope in her eyes as they approach the new land.

Speaking of the new land, one of the citizens is seen at the port. A teen boy with collar length blonde hair, was waiting to greet them. The biggest thing that stood out to him was the red tunic and yellow scarf around his neck. The boy was waving a flag with the symbol of Ross' embroided on it, signaling them to the port.

The teen took a deep breath and started pacing back and forth, talking to himself. "All right, Flazino. You can do this. You've done this dozens of times. Just pretend you're not sending them to their possible suffering....I've got a bad feeling about it."

Flazino heard the people approaching and quickly slapped on a smile. He spun around and greeted the newcomers with open arms.

"Haha! Hola, Shalom, Salam! Welcome to your new home! You're going to love it here, especially our magnificent rulers! Everyone ready?"

The travelers cheer in agreement and follow the boy through the gates of the kingdom.

🎵 Welcome to Rosas 🎵🌹

Flazino

Magnifico

Amaya

Group singing

Oh, Welcome to Rosas, an amazing kingdom. Where the possibilities are more than you can fathom!

(Flazino signals for the crowd to follow him as they pass through the gates)

There's no other place just as full of surprise, Where your dreams and your reality can collide!

(He passes by a man who's juggling 10 balls at once, hinting that his wish was to be the best juggler in the kingdom)

The most magical place on Earth, where most wondrous ideas give birth! You want to make dreams your come true? Well, have I got good news for you!

(He gives a wink and other residents start appear around him for the chorus)

(The background characters- I mean the Rosas citizens who haven't had their life force drained yet start to dance)

'Cause here in the city of Rosas (Oh, ah-ah)

You can turn all your wanting to wishing No what-ifs, ands or buts Oh, here in the city of Rosas (Oh, ah-ah) It's unlikely that you’ll be unhappy No need to make a fuss

(Flazino lifts the little girl onto his shoulders as they continue) A home for me (Me) For you (You) And all of us (Us) Thе city of Rosas

(He leads the group over to a small theater showing little muppets of Magnifico and Amaya. The following moments and dancing scenes are also a reference to the "Topsy Turvy" song number from the Hunchback of Notre Dame. Love that movie)

So like, we have this king named Magnifico

(He points to muppet versions of the royals, with the Magnifico one holding his scepter high)

He built Rosas many years ago

(the background has a little cardboard replica of the kingdom rising behind it.)

With lightning for hands and eyes that can glow

(He raises his hands creepily and jokingly to the child, but she gasps in fear)

No, no, no, I'm just kidding! But he is powerful! They're just like us with a twist.

(He ruffles her hair playfully)

So much power, too much to list! (Oh, wow!) The magic exists, And there you have it, poof, there's your wish! Oh and, hey did I mention when you turn eighteen? You get to give your wish in a ceremony And he keeps them safe, every wish he acquires (Wish he acquires) And once a month he grants someone’s greatest desire (Greatest desire)

(The puppets show the King taking a tiny blue orb from a puppet citizen, then it dances around as if it just won a million dollars) It could be you someday, or you, even you! Oh, I can't wait! (He points to three different people on each "you", with a couple them looking doubtful)

(A man asks) Does it hurt? (the girls asks) Do you cry?

(Before Flazino can reply, Magnifico just pops in in front of him, the boy giving a look that says "Where the he'll did you come from!?") Oh, no, and you won't even miss it when you say "goodbye"

(He holds the note on "bye" to show off his singing, while Flazino rolls his eyes in annoyance)

(Then Amaya jumps in to take over part of the final chorus) 'Cause here in the city of Rosas (Oh, ah-ah) You can turn all your wanting to wishing

No what-ifs ands or buts,

Oh, here in the city of Rosas (Oh, ah-ah) It's unlikely that you’ll be unhappy

No need to make a fuss

(The royals take this chours proudly singing, while Sabor stands with a sly smile as he basks in all the attention they're getting. Flazino is visually annoyed and rolls his eyes. He then tries to look for an opening so he can finish the song)

A home for me (Me)

For you (You)

And all of us (Us)

The city of Rosas

(Flazino quickly steps in front of the royals during "And all of us" to try and finish the song, then Magnifico steps in front of him and blocks him with his cape. During the final line, He then raises his hands to the sky and releases an explosion of fireworks and it decorates the area in magical sparkles)

As sparkles and rose petals shower the audience, applause echoes throughout the stadium. The newcomers were chatting and cheering amongst each other. Flazino was used to this part, its practically pure dopamine when people first arrive and hear one man can grant people's desires. This whole song their idea in the first place, and he's performed it a hundred times. You'd think they at least let him sing the propaganda song!

"I can't wait to get my wish granted now!"

"There's so much I want to ask for!"

"They're such a beautiful couple!"

The little redhead girl from earlier was especially excited. "I'm gonna wish for something real big when I grow up! I want to bring everyone I can here so they can be happy like us!" She giggled and continued to clap her hands.

Flazino's smile faded hearing this. This kid was going to grow up and loose her happiness in the blink of an eye.

Magnifico could see the boy's expression change and cleared his throat. "Well now, I suppose that's enough excitement for you today. We've made good work making our new friends feel welcome." He said sternly.

The boy quickly changed his demeanor. "O-oh. T-thank you, your high-"

He was interrupted by the sudden appearance of a lynx inches away from his face. The feline had a rather angry look on his face. Though he's usually like that when he's has to deal with anyone but his beloved owner. He was being carried by his arms by the Queen.

"Now that all that noise is finished. "You can make yourself useful by giving Sabor here his breakfast." She demanded. "Poor dear must be starving. Aren't you?" she cooed.

Sabor purred....and licked his mouth as he looked Flazino as if he was the breakfast himself. That's definitely not a good sign.

"Uh....yeah, I'll get right on that." The boy responded as he gingerly picked up the lynx and did his best to carry him in arms. He was only a couple years old, but he weighed as much as a full grown goat. That are the boy wasn't all that strong. "How much can you eat anyway?" Sabor grunted in offense.

"That's a good apprentice! Run along, now!" Magnifico slightly mocked the boy as he left. In a low voice he mumbled. "Peasant boy."

Flazino stopped walking for a moment and looked behind him. He saw the two royals eating up the praise and attention they were getting from the people. The newcomers were enamored with them while the longtime citizens gently clapped, but not nearly as enthusiastically. In fact, they seemed a little sleepy, some with half lidded eyelids.

The boy felt a sharp pain on his shoulder, which made him come back to his senses. Sabor had scratched his shoulder to remind him of his obviously more important meal. (Can you say "spoiled"?)

"Yeah, yeah, I get it. I'll get Dhalia to make your breakfast." He mumbled as he walked down from the stage and away from the crowd.

We crossfade to outside the Kingdom, as hours pass and day turns to night. Its been a long, stressful day for Flazino, especially when most of tasks were just basic chores, going on errands and maybe learn some magic from Magnifico, if he decided he was ready. Its all become the norm. But there was one thing he was able to do without the watchful eye of the king.

"About that time of month again?" asked a girl as she brought Flazino a horse. The sorcerers' apprentice gathered his bags for his trip and gave the girl a nod. "You got it Bazema. Those mushrooms take a whole month to grow, and you know much the king loves those." He gently patted the horse on the snout then proceed to mount it. He pulled up the hood over to seemingly cover his head from the chill air.

"Would you mind finding some herbs while you're there? Just a few things like parsley, rosemary and thyme." she asked softly.

"Sure thing." the boy said with a smile. He signed the horse to start walking towards the gate.

"Are you sure those bag aren't too heavy for you?" Bazeema asked, looking worried about the weight it could put both his back and the horse's.

Flazino waved a hand as he continued forward, not looking back. "No need to worry, I'm not helpless." he called to her, with a laugh.

He quietly passed through the gates. Looking in all directions to make sure no one else was nearby. Once the coast was clear. The boy said in a low voice, "I'm far from helpless." He tightened the reins and made the horse transition from a gallop to a run.

The horse reacted and took off at a great speed. Flazino traveled further and further forward until Ross was no longer visible. He traveled for about an hour, passing a giant obnoxious sign of the smug king pointing to the kingdom with a sign that read: "To Rosas: Where all your wishes will come true".

The trees became a blur as he ran through the forest like a ghost. He finally reached the deepest part of the woods, were many branches of trees overlapped each other, as if blocking something from entering.

Flazino reached into one of his bags and pulled out a small green vial, that glowed brightly in his hands. He uncorked the vial and whispered to it in latin: "Ineo."

He threw the liquid at the branch's and waited. The branches started to shake, startling the horse. Flazino patted him on the head. "Easy, Achilles. Nothing to be scared off." ,he comforted the animal. Magnifico may not have taught him much magic like he wished for, but the boy watched and learned whenever the King performed his spells. It payed off rather well for him.

The branches slowly opened up, revealing an entrance to a hidden village within the forest itself.

The trees closed off the entrance behind him as Flazino slowly entered the safe haven for those who fled from the Royal's tyranny. This was the Hamlet.

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OH MY GOD, ITS FINALLY DONE! CHAPTER 1 IS HERE AND DONE! AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

Would you believe that this took over a week to do this? This wasn't meant to be that long, but the way I write, everything plays out like a movie, so that's why its a bit longer. 😅 I also chose this way to start it because a majority of rewrites usually start with Asha in some way, so I wanted to do a bit of a twist and start it off through Flazino instead and then lead to Asha.

Another fun thing is that while I haven't read all the rewrites out there (I don't have all that time, unfortunately), but I rarely see Flazino used, if at all. So it was like I was given a clean slate to work with. Plus some people figured out he was helping the Hamlet in the deleted scenes and was the original Sorcerers' Apprentice, which gave me inspiration for this. He's like a double agent in this telling, and he'll be important to the story later on. The design I had in mind for him was a reference to Arthur from The Sword in the Stone, with a bit of Jim Lake from Troll hunters mixed in. Sooooo imagine he's voiced by Josh Keaton, he's a good VA for these types of roles (As you can tell, I may have gotten attached to this guy, lol 😅) So he'll be getting his own bio later on.

And how about those royals, huh? THEY ARE TOTAL GLORY HOGS! 😂 They're incredibly narcissistic in this version, but most people see it as charming and don't catch on. Plus I wanted them to have have the classic Disney broadway sequence during the song, cause I think the movie would've benefited from it. (Flazino is more like a jester to them than an apprentice, hence the Clopin reference.) They put on smiles, act nice and give you the Hollywood treatment, but its all just to get those wishes. There is no redeeming them here, they're villains. Straight up.

Also, BIG thank you to @signed-sapphire for helping me with rewriting the Rosas song too! They gave me a great guide to making new lyrics and it really worked out! And for everyone who took the time to read to this point! You earned a big hug! 😊

It'll be a while before chapter 2, cause I want to finish Kingdom of Wishes first,in case I get more ideas. But for now, feel free to ask any questions on my rewrite and leave as many comments as you want!

Thanks for reading!

@wings-of-sapphire. @oh-shtars @chillwildwave @tumblingdownthefoxden @uva124 @emptyblog7 @emillyverse @mythartist21 @kstarsarts @spectator-zee @gracebethartacc @your-ne1ghbor @kenihewa @lazytitans-world

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