#does anyone else have this problem. i was literally experiencing it earlier today | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bubblesuga · 3 years

Text

Mahina || Part 1

Summary: Jungkook couldn't quite put his finger on it, but there was something drawing him to you. Like the moon tugs at the tides, he needed to be beside you. genre: smut, fluff, angst word count: 4,626 tags: idol!au, fantasy!au

When Jungkook awoke this morning, something was... different.

He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but the air in his room seemed to have shifted slightly. He felt lighter on his feet, a sudden bounce to his step while he pulled himself off of the bed and towards the bathroom.

He brushes his teeth as usual, carefully scrubbing his tongue and admiring his reflection in the mirror. The eyebrow piercing was a good edition, he thinks. It accentuates his high brow and sparkles underneath even the dimmest light. Spritzing himself with cologne, he opens the bathroom door just in time.

"Jungkook, I made breakfast! Hurry up!"

Smiling to himself, he trots down the stairs of the far too large penthouse he and his band mates bought a couple years ago. He doesn't mind sharing with 6 other people, though. Having grown up with no siblings, he enjoys the dynamics at play when he speaks to the members. They're all his brothers, co-workers, family... He couldn't have asked for a better turn out when it came to finding a career path.

Yoongi is standing in the kitchen when Jungkook walks in, the smell of pork and kimchi filling his nose. Thanking his hyung, he grabs a bowl and starts filling up.

"You seem happy this morning," Yoongi raises an eyebrow, "what's going on?"

"I don't know," Jungkook shrugs, "I just woke up in a really good mood. I feel like--" he takes a bit of his food, then speaks with his mouth full, "--something amazing is going to happen today."

"We just have rehearsals?" Yoongi's statement comes off as more of a question.

"Exactly." Jungkook says, continuing to munch on his food. Yoongi looks at the younger man and shakes his head, continuing to fry meat for the rest of the members.

"Hey, did Namjoon come home last night?" Seokjin asks as he walks into the kitchen. He takes a spot beside Jungkook on the counter, reaching into his bowl and grabbing a piece of pork belly. Jungkook attempts to push his hand away but Seokjin smacks it and grabs the meat anyway.

Yoongi shakes his head again, "Nah. He stayed at the studio last night, said something about a last minute inspiration."

Jungkook has noticed Namjoon's lack of attentiveness recently. It seems as though his head is always filled with potential themes and lyrics and beats, much more so than even in the early days of the band. He's curious about his inspiration as of late but Namjoon doesn't seem to want to give away his methods any time soon.

"He's been doing that a lot lately." Jungkook thinks outloud.

"More power to him," Seokjin says, "man works his ass off and it benefits all of us."

Yeah, it definitely does.

~*~*~

"5, 6, 7-"

Hoseok's counting is cut off by the music blasting again. It's the third run through of the new choreography, Jungkook is center and carefully watches the rest of his hyungs in the mirror. He moves to the left, following Hoseok's lead and smiling as he notices a mis-step on Jimin's part. Jimin throws his head back and yells, lifting his shirt up and wiping some of the sweat that's accumulated on his brow.

"It's okay, Jiminie," Hoseok sings, "this shit is hard."

Seokjin nods in agreement, "Yeah, what the hell happened to a laid back choreography for this come back?"

"It's the last one of the year. We gotta go out with a bang." Jungkook turns back to look at Namjoon, who chugs water in the corner of the room. "Speaking of big come backs, are you working on your mixtape?"

Namjoon laughs, "Nah, definitely not. I'm trying to get a couple more songs for the album."

"Don't we have like 14 tracks?" Taehyung speaks for the first time since rehearsal started.

"16 is better than 14." Namjoon smiles, listening to Hoseok as he calls everyone over again.

"One more time. 5, 6-"

It's then that the doors burst open and Hyun enters in. "And this is the rehearsal room containing the 7 men you will be photographing."

Jungkook's eyes travel to the person his manager is talking to, and he has to hold back a gasp. He feels the way his jaw drops, but he's unable to close his mouth while he looks at you. God, you're gorgeous. Your hair cascades down your back and your clothes cling to your body in all the right ways. Jungkook struggles to tear his eyes away, but once he sees your smile he realizes there's no way he can turn away. You're literally glowing, with god-like shining eyes. Who are you?

"Boys, this is _____. She's in charge of photography and will be around to film Bangtan Bombs, behind the scenes, or anything you all want filmed and made into content."

Jungkook repeats your name in his head five times. He whispers it to himself once while everyone else heads to you to shake your hand. Jungkook stands back, finally blinking his eyes.

You step forward after having shook the hands of everyone else, "And you're Jungkook," you smile again, "I like your tattoos. Glad you're finally willing to show them."

"T- tattoos..." Jungkook mutters pathetically as he takes your outstretched hand. You giggle, shaking his hand enthusiastically.

"Well, anyway. It was nice to meet you all. I'm excited to work closely with every one of you." your words are met with a chorus of 'same!' from everyone except for Jungkook.

Hyun puts a hand on your shoulder and leads you out of the room, continuing on the tour of the HYBE building. Jungkook stares after you, the doorway now long empty but he couldn't look away. You were, by far, the most beautiful woman he has ever come across. With your simple torn jeans and black t-shirt, he feels you could pull off anything you put on your body.

It's not until Yoongi speaks does Jungkook finally tear his eyes away, "Could you have been any creepier?"

"What?"

Jimin bursts into laughter, his frustration with the choreography long gone, "You were-" he takes a deep breath in between laughter, "you were staring at her like she was the last woman on the planet!"

"W- what?" Jungkook stammers.

Jimin doesn't respond, only laughing louder as he falls to the ground. Jungkook can see the hidden smirks of the rest of the members, turning his to look at everyone, "What the fuck just happened?"

"Love at first sight?" Taehyung suggests.

"More like love at first drool." Seokjin begins laughing before he even finishes his sentence, causing the rest of the members to groan at his joke.

Jungkook doesn't react to Seokjin though, as he turns to look back at the empty doorway. If love at first sight is a real thing, Jungkook just experienced it to the fullest extent.

~*~*~

Jungkook manages to continue the rest of rehearsal without a problem, except for the way his mind kept traveling back to you. Saying your name in his head again, he washes up in the gym showers. He thinks back to the way your skin seemed to be literally glowing to him, and your bright white teeth hypnotizing him.

Never in his life has he had such a short conversation with someone that had such an impact. He wants to learn everything about you, your passions, the music you like, the books you read. He hopes that you enjoy some of the same things he does, so he has an excuse to talk to you.

Though his interest in you is certainly piqued, he has to keep in mind that you are, essentially, his employee, and fantasizing about your employee is more than inappropriate.

Fantasizing might not be the right word, but he can't help and imagine conversations between the two of you. Your voice is so pretty, it's light but carries through the room. You make sure your presence is known, though with the way you shine you didn't have to try hard. He smiles to himself, closing his eyes and rinsing off the conditioner from hair. Then, he wonders what your hair looks like when it's wet.

Okay, Jungkook. That's enough.

He shakes the water off his head and wraps a towel around his body. Exiting the shower, he realizes he forgot his bag in the dance room and sighs. Checking the time on his phone, he realizes that it's after 9 pm. The odds of anyone other than the members being here is pretty slim so he can just walk his way to the rehearsal room and change in there, right?

Right.

Tightening the towel around his waist, he walks out of the gym bathroom and strolls down the hall. He scrolls through his phone while he walks, rounding the corner and hearing your voice.

"Thank you, Mr. Lee. I'm very excited to properly start tomorrow."

"We're excited to have you," Jungkook peeks his head around the corner and watches Hyun bow to you, "your work is incredible and I know Taehyung in particular loves your shooting style."

What? Taehyung knows her? Jungkook must have missed that earlier when he couldn't stop staring at you.

"Yeah! It still blows my mind that one of the bangtan boys followed my work," you let out a small, somewhat embarrassed giggle, "thank god for Instagram."

You and Hyun share a laugh, followed by a goodbye. Jungkook gasps as he sees you turn in his direction, rushing to a small doorway and pushing himself up against the wall. You can't see him like this, not already. He's nearly naked and he knows this towel isn't big enough to cover himself as well as he should in front of a stranger, so he holds his breath as your foot steps become closer... and closer... and-

"Hey Jungkook."

Fuck.

Jungkook exhales a breath and moves to tighten the towel around his waist even more. You're eyes are not scanning his body like he thought you would be. Of course, Jungkook knows that sounds cocky of him to say but he can't help but assume that that would be the outcome of this situation. Either way, his face still burns when your eyes meet his. Those gorgeous, glowing eyes.

"Were ya hiding?" you laugh, tilting your head to the side, and Jungkook realizes that he's still pressed up against the wall.

"I- I, uh-" come on Jungkook, get it together, "Sorry. I didn't want you to see me naked."

"Oh please. When humans are naked, they're at their purest forms. It's natural, there's nothing to be embarrassed about." you smile brightly, moving a hand to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear.

Jungkook raises an eyebrow. Your phrasing is odd, but he doesn't question it. Instead, he swallows, "You're right, but I'm sure you wouldn't have been okay with my dick just hangin' out. Neither would the security watching the cameras."

You laugh, a proper laugh that doesn't seem to be masked by something else, and Jungkook realizes it's melodic. A fine tune singing into his ears as one of the most beautiful songs he has ever heard. It's soft, breathy, and makes him want to make you laugh for the rest of eternity.

"Either way," you say after a moment, the hint of humor still in your voice, "nothing to be ashamed of. I'll see you tomorrow, Jungkook."

Jungkook tilts his head, watching you wave and waving back as you carry your feet towards the elevators.

~*~*~

The air was even lighter this morning, and Jungkook can't help but think you play a part in his bright mood.

Following the conversation yesterday, Jungkook walked with a grin on his face to grab his clothes. You're incredibly charismatic, an stark difference to Jungkook's usual shy and laid back personality. Despite your conversations together being minimal, Jungkook feels you and him are going to be close.

Jungkook hops out of bed and styles his hair carefully. Checking his phone as he brushes his teeth, he's received a text from Taehyung apologizing because he had already left. The house sounds still, he remembers Yoongi and Seokjin opted at staying at their respective apartments tonight, wanting to be a little closer to home. Namjoon probably stayed at the studio again and Jimin and Hoseok more than likely left with Taehyung. He shrugs, making a quick protein shake and grabbing a banana before heading out of the door.

As he drives to work, he makes note at how much more productive the members have been these days. Not that they never were, but the usual slump of exhaustion that follows months of continuous promotions, rehearsals, and recording doesn't seem to be hitting anyone this time around. Surely, the explanation is the high everyone is riding from the success of Butter and Permission To dance in the west. It's motivated everyone, including Jungkook himself.

He pulls into the parking garage, rides the elevator up to the 13th floor, and steps off only to be stopped by Hoseok.

"Jungkookie!" Hoseok wraps his arms around Jungkook's neck and squeezes him tight.

"Hoseokie!" Jungkook mocks, giving a pat to the older one's back. Hoseok pulls away with a chuckle, "I guess _____ is doing behind the scene shoots today. Something about wanting to catch us in our element."

"Oh? Like individual shoots?"

"Yeah," he smiles, "she's with Yoongi in his studio right now. She told me to tell everyone to choose a thing they do on a daily basis that might be interesting to see for ARMY."

"Should I work out?" Jungkook smirks. Hoseok rolls his eyes, patting Jungkook's pecs,

"You work out enough." Smiling, he begin walking towards the commons area,

"I'm almost to where I want to be." "Whatever Jungkook, you bully us enough already." Hoseok pats Jungkook's head and walks away, leaving Jungkook to sit on the couches for a moment.

He picks up his phone and scrolls through Weverse and Twitter for a moment. Despite not being as active as people wish he could be, he does keep up with what everyone is talking about. Currently he sees excitement about their online concert from last year coming to DVD, and "JUNGKOOK'S ABS" is trending.

Yeah, he's definitely going to work out for his behind the scenes.

Holding his phone up, he snaps a quick selfie and posts it to Twitter. Once a month seems to be a good formula.

"Jungkook?" Yoongi's voice enters the room, "She's gonna shoot with Namjoon then you."

"Ah," Jungkook stands, "time to get nice and sweaty for ARMY."

"You're such a freak." Yoongi laughs, watching Jungkook leave the room.

Jungkook begins on the treadmill, listening to music and trying not to think about the fact that you're going to be photographing him while he's working out. He feels somewhat dumb, being so incredibly invested in your opinions of him already, but like yesterday proved, there was something about you that drew him in.

He speeds up the treadmill, his calves burning and his breathing quickening while he runs. It's incredible, the feeling of absolute bliss he feels after a run. When his muscles ache and his chest feels clear, he feels most at peace. Though, peace isn't difficult to come across these days. Even with the sadness of not being able to perform live like he wants to, it's not as looming as it was before. It's incredibly exhilarating to wake up not feeling like the end is near. It happened so suddenly, he's not sure what changed.

At the beginning, when they had to cancel the tour and stay in Korea, Jungkook felt as though life was never going to be the same. It was dark for everyone. He remembers Jimin crying in the bathroom after the cancellation, which caused Jungkook to start crying as well. He scrolled through social media for hours, reading the anger and frustration at those who had to return their tickets. It pained him, to see such a bleak view of the fans he adored.

Now that it's been close to 2 years, Jungkook has learned to-- for lack of a better term-- live with it. He wakes up every day and tries his hardest to live, and that's all you can do when your passion in life is ripped away from you due to an ongoing worldwide pandemic.

The gym doors slide open and Jungkook looks in the mirror to see you.

You have a camera around your neck, Jungkook recognizes it as a Canon. You close the door behind you and stop him as Jungkook starts to slow down the treadmill.

"Pretend like I'm not even here." you nearly whisper, and Jungkook has to stop himself from choking on his spit. Your voice sounded almost sultry. He can't tell if that was his imagination or if it was intentional on your part.

Jungkook shakes his head, turning up the speed just a little bit more.

He hears the shutter on your camera clicking, the action setting in full effect as he runs. You move around him, being sure not to get yourself in the mirror of the shots. The only noises in the room are his breathing and the sounds of his feet hitting the runway. It's rough, his chest heaving the more he pushes himself, but he's more interested in the way you seem to float around the room, or the fact that your hands seem dwarfed by the large camera.

It makes him wonder what your hands would look like on him.

A necklace dangles from your neck, it's gold and shines under the lights of the gym. It falls gently into the crevice of your chest, what looks like a golden moon on the end of the chain.

Again, he wonders what your skin would feel like against his.

"You gotta stop looking at the camera." you giggle.

He didn't even realize his eyes were following you. Suddenly, it's like a wave of confidence washes over him. Confidence that he was not ready for.

He swallows, taking a deep breath, "I'm not looking at the camera." Why is he saying this?

"Yes you are," you grin, "I have like 7 pictures in a row of you looking directly at the camera."

"No," he shakes his head, "I'm looking at the person holding the camera." Shut up, Jungkook. Stop talking!

"Oh?" you laugh, "what's catching your eye?"

"The necklace." what the fuck? He basically admitted to staring at your tits!

"The necklace that's right in between my tits?"

He laughs, you snap a picture.

"I guess so, I'm sorry." The usual nervousness that he would feel at an admission like that is non-existent. He feels comfortable enough to talk to you like this, and judging by the way you smile, you're comfortable with it too.

"No need to be sorry," you snap another picture, "I know they draw attention."

Jungkook nods, "They certainly do."

"What do you like about them?"

The question throws Jungkook for a loop but he doesn't let that show.

"They're perky," he explains, stopping the treadmill, "and your shirts show off the perfect amount to leave some to the imagination."

"Ah, so you're imagining my tits?"

"Yes."

You smirk, walking away. For a moment, Jungkook is scared he said too much, but it's very quickly washed away by the sound of the lock turning. "So," you begin, "you're saying that if I took off my shirt, you wouldn't be opposed to looking at me?"

Jungkook shakes his head, "I also wouldn't be opposed to touching you."

"Well," you slip off your shirt, "I'm ready."

Jungkook feels his cock twitch in his gym shorts at the sight of your bra. Of your fucking bra.

Despite the blood rushing to his cock, he shakes his head, "Oh come on, darling. You know that's not enough for me."

"Your shirt first, buddy." your eyes follow Jungkook as he grips the hem of his shirt and pulls it off. Now that there's verbal consent, your eyes roam all over his torso. He's ripped, Jungkook knows this, but under your gaze he feels like a meal. Like he's about to get devoured by you, and he can't say he's not enjoying the idea.

You reach behind you, unhooking your bra and allowing it to fall to the ground.

Jungkook's eyes widen at sight, stepping closer to you and falling to his knees. He places his nose against your torso, inhaling your scent. The sensuality of the small gasp that left your mouth fueled Jungkook. He grabs your hands and pulls you down to his level, leaning down and pressing a kiss to your lips.

It's rough and heated, all teeth and tongue. He's not used to being this way, to feeling almost primal in his movements. He gnaws at your bottom lip, eliciting another moan from you. It's high pitched and nearly whiny, proving that you're suddenly filled with as much need as he is.

"I'm gonna fuck you," Jungkook states, "right here. Right now."

"Please." you toss your head back, falling onto the padded floors of the gym. Jungkook follows suit, kissing his way down your body until he reaches your navel. Again, he presses his nose into you and inhales, you smell so damn good.

He keeps smelling, inhaling your scent as he undoes the buttons of your jeans. The less clothing there, the stronger your scent becomes. He feels insatiable, nearly ripping off your panties to get to your center.

"Fuck, you're so wet already," Jungkook groans, his voice deep with want, with need. Taking a single finger up your slit, he draws it back and sucks your juices clean, "and you taste as good as you smell."

You stare up at him with hooded eyes, holding yourself up on your elbows and spreading your legs as wide as you can. "Now that you've had a taste you might as well finish it."

Jungkook doesn't need to be told twice, diving into your soaked folds with his tongue. He moves fast but also meticulously, being sure to take note of all the places that make you moan a little louder, sink a little deeper into him. Your hand reaches down and snakes its way through his hair, tugging at the roots.

At that point, Jungkook begins to kick off his shorts without pulling away.

"Fuck, I've always wanted to fuck you," you moan in between words, "you always look so good everywhere you go."

"Yeah?" Jungkook chuckles, "did you imagine fucking me before you got hired here?"

You nod, "I couldn't help it, I knew you'd be good."

As Jungkook manages to get his shorts off, he grips ahold of his aching member. Pulling up to his knees, his thumb doesn't stop rubbing harsh circles against your clit.

"That's hot," Jungkook breathes, "I've been wanting to take you since I first saw you."

"Then do it." you demand, and a flip switches in Jungkook's brain.

He pulls his fingers away from you and leans forward, "Taste yourself."

You don't hesitate to take his fingers into your mouth, Jungkook feeling your tongue dance across the pads of his fingers. Feeling himself twitch, he strokes himself for a little bit of relief while you suck.

"Taste good?" He questions.

"Delicious."

"Good girl." He murmurs, leaning down and connecting your lips with his again. As he does so, he runs the head of his cock against your slit, enjoying the gasp you let out every time he brushes against your clit. You feel so warm, so inviting. He can taste you so well, he wants nothing more than to dive in.

So he does.

Pressing into you slowly, he feels your warmth envelope him. Your legs wrap around his hips and guide him in all the way. When he slips all the way in, you both pull away for a moan.

"So fucking good. So tight." He moves his hips achingly slow, enjoying the noises of content leaving your lips. Your moans spur him on as your tightness engulfs him yet again. He leans down and presses a kiss to your neck, your hot skin nearly burning his lips, "I don't want to hurt you."

You shake your head, "You can't hurt me. I promise."

Jungkook isn't sure what takes over him at this point, but he feels his lips begin to thrust harshly into you. He doesn't process the rest of the world, the only thing that's certain is you. You're everything that he needs to focus on now, your whines, your moans, the feeling of your legs guiding him in and out of you. He wants to take you here over and over again until the end of time, and he's never felt that about anyone before in his life.

Your lips are beginning to bruise from the rough kisses he's been laying on you, so he takes a gentle approach and sucks on your jawline. Every few thrusts, he rests his forehead against yours. Then he moves again. Then rests.

"Tell me how good I feel." you whisper against his lips, breathy.

"Baby," Jungkook's brows knit together in pleasure, "you feel so good around me. So warm. I want to cum in you and fill you up so bad. Do-n't stop squeezing- fuck."

Jungkook abandons the pace he tried to keep and slams into you, pulling you on top of him and lifting you up and down on his cock. You let out a scream as he reaches a point he hasn't touched before, your cunt tightening exponentially around him.

He latches his mouth onto your nipples, the sensitive peaks hardening against his tongue. Your nails rake down his chest while you grind against him, your ass smacking against his thighs while he begins thrusting upward.

His hands grip your hips harshly, sure enough to leave bruises by his fingertips. He feels his orgasm approaching quickly, but he needs you to cum first. He need to feel you cum around him. "Fuck," he growls through clenched teeth, "cum. I need you to cum. Cum around me, please please please!"

"I'm gonna- I'm-" your sentence is cut off by your orgasm taking over, clenching deliciously around Jungkook and pushing him over the edge. His hips stutter and he releases into you, your warmth mixing with his as he collapses onto the ground. You're both silent for a while, your chests heaving as you try to calm down. Jungkook leans up, keeping you in a hug as your knees move to either side of his hips. Neither of you make a move to pull apart, Jungkook softening inside of you but the sensitivity feels so good.

He rests his chin on your shoulder, glancing behind you and towards the mirrors. On the inner edge of each of your shoulder blades, lay two large scars. They're old, pink in color now. Jungkook reaches a finger up to trace the scars but is stopped by a knock on the door.

"Hey, I'm ready when you are _____!" Jimin's voice sounds through the gym, muffled by the door.

"Shit." You whisper, "shit, shit, shit!"

You quickly pull off of him, beginning to slip your panties and bra back on.

Jungkook flinches at the sudden loss of warmth around him, looking down at his cock and seeing a mixture of his and your cum coating his thighs. "Don't you need to clean up?" he whispers.

"I'll stop by the bathroom on the way." you murmur, now fully dressed, "thank you for that, by the way." you wink, grabbing the back of his neck and pressing a hard kiss against him. Then, you're out the door.

Jungkook is left naked on the floor, confused, and wanting to ask why exactly you have asymmetrical scars on your back.

#bts x reader #jungkook x reader #jungkook x reader smut #jungkook x reader fluff #jungkook x reader angst #jeon jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook x you #jeon jungkook x reader smut #jungkook x you

163 notes · View notes

syndxlla · 3 years

Text

Part eleven of the More To Love series

Summary: You get a chance to reflect on who you are, where you are with your relationships, and what you really want in life with the help of your mother, the Queen of Corellia. You meet some new seemingly friends, who quickly prove you otherwise.

Word Count: 7.1k, NO USE OF ‘y/n’

Warnings: Non-consensual kiss, swearing, alcohol

Author’s note: i am LIVID. why tumblr only lets you have a certain amount of paragraphs in a post IDK! it’s dumb haha and the only reason i went over is because there is so much dialogue in this. BASICALLY. I am making the decision to go easy on myself. I know earlier today I said part 11 would be split into two, but i am going to just make the second half be part 12. SO. i made a new moodboard for this chapter! i hope you like it :).

i wanna say a big THANK YOU to @stinky-child for helping me edit this chapter and getting it out on time!

PART 12 WILL BE RELEASED THURSDAY, MAY 27TH AT 6pm PST, 9pm EST.

part ten

Koska escorted you back to your quarters, the castle corridors were finally starting to calm down a little bit, however, more and more special guests who would be staying in the palace over the weekend walked in and out of doors, most of them not paying any attention to you because of your drab attire. You hoped the knight made it to his meeting on time and dry. There was no way to know until tomorrow morning, however. Koska was silent as she walked behind you, her footsteps much lighter than the knight’s. Your hair was thick and frizzy from the effects of the elements, and you kept your face down out of a foreign sense of shame.

Keeping your face down can’t hide that sense of shame from everyone, however, and before you can make it to your room, you’re hearing a joyful gasp and footsteps pattering in your direction. You look up from your walk of shame to see someone very important to you, it’s not your Knight, it’s not even Soniee, no. It’s your mother, the Queen of Corellia. She’s accompanied by three Corellian guards and she’s wearing the most beautiful yellow gown you had ever seen. It was clearly a gift from Bo-Katan. You smiled brightly, relieved to see someone you love. It had only been a few weeks but it felt like an eternity. You had completely forgotten she would be coming to your engagement ball. You’ve been so preoccupied with the plans and teaching the Knight how to dance that it completely slipped your mind. Your mother had a wide smile on her face, too, and wore the traditional Corellian crown. You ran to her and embraced her fighting around the waist, something that was not appropriate for royalty in public like this but you couldn’t care less. You had been so emotionally confused over the last few weeks that there was nothing you needed more than a fulfilling hug from your parent. She hums with joy when you come into her arms, and she runs her slender fingers through your beautiful hair. You sigh of relief in her embrace.

“I had forgotten you were coming.” You admit, holding back tears of relief. She chuckles in response.

“You look a mess.” She replies and you’re the one to chuckle this time.

“I’ve had quite the day.” You smile, blushing as you remember who you spent it with. “Come, I have so much to tell you.” You pull away, holding her hands in yours and then leading her to the closest sitting room. You were finally starting to understand the layout of the Mandalorian palace, it only took two weeks. This room was the same blue as the royal color, you guide her to sit by you on the sofa, and Koska awkwardly follows. You look over to the handmaiden before standing and walking in her direction. “Lady Reeves, you are dismissed.” You nod while speaking in a regal tone, but after stating it, your voice hushes and you whisper to her, “Is he going to be alright?” You ask in reference to the Knight.

She nods once, “Even if he was late, he’s bound to duty by the Queen, he’ll be okay.” Your stomach twists.

“What does that even mean?” You ask, there is much he is not telling you.

Koska sighs, she seemed to regret saying that. “I’ll worry about him, you enjoy your time with your mother.” She nods to the Queen who was patiently awaiting your return. You smile a “thank you” and walk back to the Corellian Queen. When Koska closes the door finally, you slouch into the couch, feeling pure relief as you were alone with your kin.

“You look absolutely exhausted.” Your mother says.

“I am, life here is exhausting. There are so many rules, much more than back at home.” You awkwardly shrug.

“We miss you.”

“I miss you too, more than you know.” You were so homesick these days. “I had to spend four days learning all the rules and customs and I still take private lessons from the literal queen so I don’t embarrass her anymore.” You roll your eyes, knowing that you couldn’t express this arrogance to anyone else in the palace and taking advantage of the chance now.

“Oh, I'm sorry love, I worried that there might be a bit of a culture shock.” She takes your hand with hers, stroking the stop of it with her own cold hands.

“Is father here?” You ask, your eyes hopeful. That glimmer immediately fades when she sighs, her eyes leaving yours. “What? What’s wrong?”

“He’s not coming…”

“What? Why?”

“He’s… sick, I didn’t want to tell you but it’s your right to know. You would have eventually found out anyway.” She somberly explains.

“Is he okay?”

“Yes, we think so. But traveling and socializing in his condition was not realistic. We understand that rumors will start, but his health is necessary before an impending war.” She frowns, and you try not to let it upset you too much. “Enough of that, tell me about this place.” Her tone immediately flips.

You smile, “It’s so hot, much hotter than Corellia. I mean the heat is exhausting and the dresses are heavy and the tea parties are always outside and I always feel overheated.” You complain.

“Do you at least like the prince?” She asks. “Is he cute?”

Now you must choose if you’re going to lie, like you have for the last fortnight, or be truthful with the only person you feel that you can be. You sigh, and just look at her, defeated, hoping that would be enough to tell her.

She hums empathetically. “Oh dear.”

“Yeah…” You sigh, happy she understood and you didn’t have to make the decision of communication.

“Well, keep your head up, I didn’t really like your father all that much until we had you.” She chuckles.

“What?” You ask, your eyes showing surprise. “I had no idea…” You weren’t sure how much you liked that thought, your parents had always been an example of a couple you’d like to experience for yourself. “Why had you never told me?”

“There was no reason for you to know before now. The older you get, the more you’ll learn what you need to hear.” She explains. You supposed she was right. “And remember, it’s supposed to be a partnership—marriage that is— it’s not so bad if you work at it.”

“Well, he certainly likes being solo.” You humph. “He’s very kind, and it’s clear he cares for his kingdom but-“ You knew you weren’t being completely truthful with her.

“But what?”

You debated your next words. You wanted to tell her, more than anything you wanted your mother to know what was really going on, but you knew you couldn’t. You knew she wouldn’t understand. This marriage is a diplomatic solution to an oncoming war of her home kingdom. She wouldn’t understand the strife. “Nothing.” You feel untruthful to yourself, but you can’t do anything about it. “I just feel like I will be unhappy in our marriage.”

“Marriage isn’t supposed to make you happy.”

You hated that, it wasn’t the first time she had said it to you, either. When an arranged marriage was first brought up, she said it then for the first time. The other time she said it to you was about three weeks ago, just before you were going to leave Corellia and come to this ornate prison. It was your last attempt to try and get out of it, but she uttered those words and you had to live with it.

This time, you pulled your hand away from hers. “But what about love? I thought you loved my father!?”

“I do love him, but that didn’t happen for a long time, like I said, not until you were born.”

“So then what’s the reason for all this? For sending me here for a big ball and a fancy wedding if I am not supposed to love the man I’m sharing these parties with? How am I to enjoy marriage before children then?” You stand up on these words out of frustration. You hated feeling like your only purpose in this world is to bear children, to produce an heir.

“Love between royals is not a natural thing, it can’t just happen between any two people. There must be that connection there and it often isn’t developed for a while.” She chuckles. “What? Did you think you were going to live inside one of those fairytales your wet nurse used to tell you before you went to sleep?” She asks, looking up at you, surprised.

“What do you mean ‘between royals’?”

“We must do what’s best for our people, it’s selfish to marry for love when you are royalty.”

You feel defeated.

“No… No, there's so much more to love. Love is not selfish, in fact, I believe that loving someone with our hesitation and unconditionally is the most selfless act one could ever do.” Your voice raises just a bit. You meant every word you said.

“If you feel this way about love, then surely you must love the Prince. What’s the problem then? We’ve been preparing you for this reality for years, it’s not a new concept that you would not love immediately, I can only imagine you would feel so emotionally because you have those feelings for someone.”

Did you?

You consider what she was saying, your eyes trailing to the side as you thought. You supposed she was right, there would be no reason for you to feel so passionately about it if you hadn’t experienced it for yourself.

But you weren’t having that experience with Korkie, the hell you weren’t.

Did you love the Knight? You don’t know his name, you don’t know his face, you don’t know anything about him and yet you are starting to think that infatuation has grown into adoration. Your legs feel weak, and you have to slowly lower yourself onto the couch again, feeling woozy from the realization. How did you let it get so far? Your confused face turns to look at your mother’s, eyebrows furrowed and mouth slightly open.

“I sense you realized something you didn’t already know.”

You slowly nod your head. Unsure of how to react, you fiddle with your fingers, trying to gain your bearings again. You expect your mother to speak up but she never does.

Before the conversation continues, however, the door is pulled open and three Knights are walking in, a Butler steps in, “Her Majesty, The Queen.” He says before nodding and stepping away. Bo-Katan glides into the room, regal as ever. You and your mother stand up from where you sat, curtsying for your hostess.

“Your Majesty.” She takes your mother’s hand, both of them smiling and kissing one another on either cheek. “I trust your travels were comfortable?”

“Yes, your coachmen were very hospitable.” Your mother nods.

Korkie then enters the rooms with another young Prince who you hadn't met before. He was blonde, and skinny as a twig. He wore a white and gold ceremonial cloak that covered his right shoulder. You smile at Korkie out of Obligation, and he and the other prince bow to the women in the room.

“Princess!” Korkie cheers, “This is my cousin, Prince Hugo of Bespin.”

“A pleasure to meet you, Your Highness.” He takes your hand and kisses the top of it, his smile charming and blue eyes bright. You were flattered by the gesture, humming.

“The pleasure is mine.” You follow royal protocol. Then, another woman enters the room. She’s tall, an intricate headpiece adorns long, black hair and she has hypnotic, black eyes hidden by deep set, hooded eyes. She’s beautiful, with toned skin and red dots drawn under her lips making her stand out from everyone in the room.

“Ah, Her Majesty Queen Clarya of Naboo.” Bo-Katan introduces. The Elven Queen Ahsoka then enters the room, and everyone, even the Queens bow out of respect before the door is closed. The parlor is suddenly very full, and your intimate moment with your mother is lost entirely. You are suddenly very aware of your disheveled look, and try to run your fingers through your hair a few times.

“It’s lovely to finally meet you.” Clarya says, smiling. “I’ve heard so much about you.” Taking your hand and giving you a friendly squeeze.

“Oh… I’m afraid I haven’t heard much about you.” You apologize.

“No troubles, You are all the gossip among the other Kingdoms.” The eastern queen explains.

“Yes, It appears you are.” Korkie says, moving to stand by your side. “How wonderful that my beautiful wife-to-be is regarded so highly across the world.” He tries to take your hand but you pull it away, not necessarily meaning to, but it was a reflex that you failed to suppress after realizing you were in love with an entirely different man. He clears his throat, and the aura in the room is awkward, you aren’t sure what to do, so you just say the first thing to come out of your mouth.

“Have any of you gone to the beach? It’s lovely!” You awkwardly smile before walking over to the drink cart underneath a portrait of a Manda’lor of a past generation. You try to ignore all the people, feeling a little embarrassed that they were all seeing you dressed like this. You didn’t even think of what suspicion could be born out of that phrase.

“Oh yes, our sandy beaches are widely loved by all.” Bo-Katan takes a seat on the sofa in the place you had sat at just moments before, crossing her ankles under her gown. You shakily pour amber liquid into a crystal glass, your hand shaking as you bring it to your lips, taking a sip of the alcohol.

“Nothing like the Corellian beaches, I assume?” Your mother asks. “Our beaches are rocky and often frozen over.”

“Ah yes, but the Corellian ship fjords are lovely, what a wonderful exposure to culture you raised your daughter with!” Ahsoka sings.

“She turned out alright.” Your mother teases and everyone chuckles warmly. You turn around after drinking, and sheepishly smile. Gods you hope she meant that.

“Well, we are all very excited for the ball tomorrow.” Clarya says, “My assistant worked on a mask for hours the night before we left. It will be an extravagant sight to see everyone dressed so festively.”

“Of course, but we all know none of us can compare to the fashion and extravagance of the Naboolians.” Korkie hums. Everyone chuckles again. You nervously looked out to all of them, you had just made possibly the biggest mistake of your life and none of them paid any attention to you despite it. You had just shown Korkie your first and only sign of true disinterest the night before your engagement ball and you desperately wished you could go back in time and take his hand instead of denying the act of affection, even if you didn’t feel good about it.

“I think you will all be pleased to hear that it was the Princess who came up with the Masquerade idea.” Bo gestures to you. You smile with your teeth, trying to act normal and not like you were secretly dying inside. There is general amusement when that is said, and you can’t help but fidget with the crystal alcohol glass, wanting to leave the room and return to the comfortable embrace of the Knight on the beach.

“Beautiful and smart!” Korkie’s cousin laughs, putting emphasis on the ‘and’. “It’s not every day you find a woman like that!” Everyone laughs again, and this time you force out a faux chuckle to seem more involved in the eyes of the others. “You better hang onto her, Kork!” Korkie smiled at his cousin's words, looking over to you. You feel weak, not liking all the attention. If this much attention was making you feel this way, what would the ball with hundreds of guests tomorrow night be like?

“Yes but, I can’t seem to remember going to the beach with you?” Korkie asks, his diplomatic voice cutting through the laughter. You nervously laugh. He knew something was up. How could you be so careless?

“What? Did I say something about the beach?” You try to play it off cluelessly.

“Oh come on, we all know you aren’t that ditzy.” His cousin groans

“Your fiance asked you a question, dear.” Your mother prods.

“Yes, did you go to the beach sometime during your time here?” Bo-Katan is the one to ask this time, and your legs are starting to feel unsteady.

“It’s not a bad thing, we just want to know.” Korkie takes a step in your direction, making you feel closed in. “We all love the beach here and we are happy you have gotten the chance to enjoy it.” You sensed there was an undertone with his true meaning.

You weren’t sure if you believed him when he said this, “Is it hot in here?” You chuckle, “I think I’ll have another drink, would you like one, Korkie? You ask before turning around and pouring another glass of brandy. He can see how shaky your hand is as you try to fill the cup. He stands behind you, wrapping his arm around you and cupping your hand with his in an attempt to make the pouring more steady. The action startles you, and you flinch as a reaction, dropping the crystal glass in your hand. It was already partially full, and it falls down to the floor in slow motion, golden drink splashing out of it as glass shatters on impact, making a loud, crashing sound that sends shards out across the floor and leaves a puddle of alcohol to soak into the bottom hem of Koska’s sister’s dress. The women of the room gasp from shock, and Hugo walks quickly over to see the mess. You look down at the glass in shock of what you just did, your heart sinking and stomach churning. Lady Tano is the next one to walk over to you, taking you by the shoulders and guiding you to one of the arm chairs, helping you sit down. The room was deathly silent now, you could hear your pulse ringing through your ears. Ahsoka crouches before you, ruling your hand with hers and trying to comfort you from the unexpected shock. Korkies hands are balled into fists. Was he angry with you?

“No worries.” Hugo laughs, trying to be an entertainer, “Butler!” The Butler opens the door.

“Is everything alright?” He asks after bowing.

“Yes, we just made a little mess, would you be so kind as to clean it up?” Hugo walks Korkie, who seems to be just as shocked and embarrassed as you, over to another armchair. The butler snaps and then whistles and three young maids come in, each one getting on their hands and knees to pick up the pieces of glass.

“Princess?” Your mother says, “Do you have something you would like to say to the Manda’lor?” She awkwardly asks, clearly trying to make good from the situation, side-eying Bo.

Your pale face turns to look at Bo, who had that same disappointed frown that you always see on her.

“My deepest apologies, your Majesty.” You clear your throat before painfully looking over to where Korkie sat, his hand resting in his palm and expression down turned.

“Well!” Hugo takes the center of the room. “No use in sitting here in silence, mistakes happen! Right Auntie?” He says to Bo.

“Of course.” She smiles, physically accepting your apology with a reassuring nod.

“Lovely, would anyone like some music?” He asks.

“That would be lovely, Hugo.” Lady Tano says in her ethereal voice. He smiles and walks over to the baby grand piano in the corner of the room, the same baby grand that you played at for your Knight a few weeks ago.

“The Princess plays!” Your mother says, trying to alleviate any tension.

“She does?” Hugo makes direct eye contact with you. “Would you like to play a duet with me?”

“Hugo, she just-“ Ahsoka begins but is interrupted by your mother.

“Oh won’t you play for us Dear?” She asks, smiling.

“Please! I have wanted to hear you play since I was told you could.” Bo-Katan asks. It would be rude to decline a request from the Queen and the Host of the night.

You nod and stand up, that could be just the thing you need to feel better. You walk over to the piano, stopping just before Hugo.

“Bass or Soprano?” He asks, muttering so quietly that only you can hear it.

“Soprano.” You say. He pulls the bench out and sits first since he would be playing the lower part. You then sit next to him, your hands still slightly shaking.

“Do you know the ‘Dathomirian Waltz’?” He asks. You nod. “Lovely, key of D minor then, I’ll follow you.” He pulls his hands up to the keys, and you follow, taking two deep breaths, the first to calm your shaking hands, the second to conduct both of you in at the same time. Together you play a set of intricate chords, Hugo emphasizing on the bass notes, playing a complex scale that brought his left hand over his right several times. You carry the melody, playing just slightly louder than him and allowing yourself to fall into the trance of performing. Your hands finally quit shaking after a few phrases of the music, allowing it to soothe your nerves. Music has always done that for you. All of the nobles in the room smile, the Naboolian Queen sighing at the beauty of the complicated piece. You can’t keep the smile from pulling on your lips. Korkie’s cousin was very talented, much better than you. His hand brushed against yours several times and you couldn’t help yourself from thinking about the Knight when Hugo touches you.

This was something you would never get with him. You would never get to share a memorable moment with others, never get to rub hands against each other in front of three Queens, never get to look one another in the eye without shame or secrecy. The thoughts start to overcome your consciousness, causing you to play a sour note. No one seemed to notice, but you were more aware of it than you should have been.

A beautiful piece, carefully composed and rehearsed, performed with the intent to dazzle, the intent to impress. However there will always be the sour note, an incorrect chord that the audience might not hear but those giving the show will dwell on undoubtedly.

Like the Kingdom of Mandalore.

——————————————

“Rise and Shine your Highness!” A sing-songy voice calls out to you before pulling the long, draping curtains apart and letting the warm Mandalorian sun pour into the room. You groan and flip over onto your side, your body is still exhausted from yesterday evening and you would like to sleep in a little longer.

“Oh, don’t give us that.” A more brash voice groans and you recognize it as Koska’s. You can hear a number of other bodies file into the suite, maybe three or four. The handmaid's pull in the elven dress and a light breakfast. You can still smell the salt water on your forearm as you swing your hand over your eyes. You were not a morning person. Koska walks up to your bed before sitting on the edge of it, placing her tan hand on your shoulder. “We’ve let you sleep in long enough, we have to get you dressed and ready for tea with the Queens.”

“Queens?” You mumble, slurring the ‘s’ out.

“Yup, both Bo-Katan and your mother as well as the Queen of Naboo and Duchess of the Felucian mountain Kingdom are all eager to spend brunch with you in the Garden.” More guests arrived this morning while you were still sleeping, but it wasn’t until Koska explained to you about the women waiting for you that you remembered what day it was. You opened your eyes wide, flopping your arm onto the mattress beside you and looking up at her drowsily.

“The masquerade is today.” You say out of realization. She smirks and slowly nods her head. Soniee budges into your conversation, sitting on the opposite side of the bed.

“We have two dresses for you to wear today! This one,” She pulls forward a gown that isn’t quite as full and round as the dress for the ball, but is still a lovely dress with a pretty skirt and pearls embroidered into the bodice. “And of course the elf dress.” She nods to the pink and gold gown that sat on a sewing-bust, shimmering in the light. “We won’t get you into the ball gown until later tonight.” She hums.

“Now, we have to get you cleaned up, your hair is a mess.” Koska stands up and pulls the heavy down comforter from off of you. The loss of warmth elicits another sleepy groan from your lips and you stare up at the ladies in waiting frustratedly. “Up!” Koska’s serious voice commands and you’re scared enough of her that you jump up out of bed, pulling the nightgown sleeve up that has been slowly slipping down your shoulder and showing more and more skin. “That’s better.” Koska hums, “Let’s get you a bath, yeah?” She walks towards the bath room, opening the golden gilded doors and into the naturally-light room. You will always admire the beauty and effort put into the Mandalorian palace despite the internal battle with living here. You follow her into the room, still sleepy and walking slowly but eventually making it to the tub in the center of the room. The bath has already been drawn, which they must have done in your sleep (they’ve never done that before). You strip out of the cream-colored nightie and dip into the warm water. It smelled of lavender and honey and you allowed your muscles to relax into the bubbles. It was perfect, exactly what you needed to clear your racing and stressful mind. Your muscles were sore from yesterday and the warm water and flowery oils soaked them blissfully. You sigh at the sensation but before you can enjoy it anymore, Koska is dumping the warm water over your head, wetting it completely. It’s unexpected and you gasp from shock, your eyes glued shut to keep the water out of them. Damp hands come up from out of the water to wipe your eyes but then another dump of water is pouring over your head and you’re back at square one. Koska was a much harsher bather than Sonnie was.

All is forgiven however when she starts massaging your scalp, cleaning your hair. You relax back into the tub and enjoy the seawater and wind getting rinsed out. The other ladies come in, one on either side of the tub who files your nails, and Sonnie brings in a towel and silk robe. The other handmaiden works at your calloused feet with a pumice stone and you try not to let it tickle too much. It was true pampering and you loved every second of it. Usually there’s only one maiden to bathe you but five was divine. You assumed this was the treatment the Queen always received.

After you are properly cleaned, your Corellian tea is brought in and you’re left alone for as long as you like. You slowly sip on the purple shaded drink, waking up from it’s comforting properties. You sigh deeply, allowing the fragrant air to fill your lungs while you look out of the tall, narrow window in the center of the outside wall. You could not see the ocean from here, but instead the distant roofs of Keldabe. It was a beautiful summer day, there wasn’t a cloud in the sky and you could hear the birds who have nested in the nooks and crannies of the towers chirping. You knew you had a long day ahead of you, and you wanted to try and enjoy it as much as you could. You never really enjoyed the social aspect of royalty, and that’s all today will be, but you’re ready to brave it head on.

An hour passes before you are finally dressed in the first gown of the day. Your hair is braided back so that it will have a desirable wave for the ball tonight. You are snuggly tied into the pearled bodice of the dress, and you run your hands up and down the beading, allowing it to tickle your soft palms.

Koska pulls open the door, and you’re expecting to see the Knight standing there stoically as always, but he isn’t. The hallway is completely empty, in fact, and you can’t ignore the dreadful feeling that overcomes your body. Where was he?

You clear your throat, and look back at Koska, who was adjusting the skirt of your gown as you walked.

“Where is he?” You ask, your voice hushed almost to a whisper but not quite. There were a million possibilities behind his absence and not a single one of them was ideal. Koska lifts up from her crouched position, smoothing the front pleats of her dress.

“What?” She asks and you sigh out of frustration, there was absolutely no way she didn’t know what you were talking about but you had to be vague because of all the ladies in waiting listening in.

“Who will be accompanying me to the garden?” You say with a forceful tone, trying to prod at a deeper meaning to the question.

Luckily, Lady Reeves picks up on it, and she looks behind you. You felt like she was avoiding eye-contact and it only made you more stressed and confused. “I’ll be escorting you, Highness.” She nodded, moving a step forward and then taking the lead down the corridor. You follow hesitantly, and wait until you are far enough down the hall from the other ladies back in your suite to speak again.

“Don’t horseshit me.” You mutter behind her. She keeps her chin up high as usual. “He’s in trouble, isn’t he.”

Koska doesn’t answer.

“Koska, you promised me he would be okay.” You try not to let the emotion show through your tone but that was a challenge. You felt guilty for some reason. If he was in trouble, it would be entirely your fault. The words shake in your throat and maybe it’s the tight corset and the fact that you are descending the stairs but you’re out of breath and it’s hot, so hot.

“He’s fine, I swear to the stars.” She whispers, saying it straight forward instead of turning back at you in an attempt to stay calm and unsuspecting to watchful eyes.

“Well then why didn’t you tell me that?” You ask, twiddling your thumbs.

“I couldn’t… there’s more to it but-“

“But what? What could be so secretive that you have to keep it from your future queen?” You say through gritted teeth and immediately after, Koska is spinning around on the staircase and looking up at you with a furrowed brow. You felt like you were being scolded by an impatient tutor despite the fact that you out-ranked her.

“You don’t even want to be the Queen.” She says in a whisper-shout, starting to sound as angry and emotional as you were just moments before.

“You’re right, I don’t-“ You bite back.

“So why are you here, then?”

You aren’t sure how to answer, the obvious answer is for Corellia. You were promised something in return for your ability to produce an heir and look like a porcelain figurine on a high shelf. But you also knew it would make your family happy, and your Kingdom. You would be making them proud by marrying so rich. You made a promise.

But now you think you’re starting to stay for an entirely different and unethical reason. Something that is inherently a trap and you know it, and yet here you are, fussing over it at every change you have.

Koska rolls her eyes and scoffs before continuing down the stairs.

“Who spit in your porridge this morning?” You reply.

“You did.” She groans in response.

“I’m sorry, but what did I ever do to you?” You ask when you complete the steps down and start down another corridor, one section of the massive palace closer to your destination.

Koska is the one not to answer this time.

It infuriates you that everyone is keeping secrets from you, your entire experience in Mandalore feels built on deception and being left-out. And now, the two people who finally seemed to be on your side aren’t with you in one way or another on such a big day. Koska is angry with you for no reason and you have no idea where your knight is.

The rest of the walk to the Gardens is silent, and before you know it, you are plopped down on an uncomfortable wicker chair in the hot sun, sipping on lukewarm lemon tea and wondering how much longer you have to suffer. Your mother and Bo were giggling about something, the rest of the court buzzing with conversation and ignoring you as always. Was it possible that you were the problem? You ask yourself this after another sip of the tea, a lemon slice bumping up against your upper lip a few times. As you think, you hold the dainty cup against your mouth, losing yourself in thought without realization. Your pretty eyes stare down at the green grass of the Garden. The grass never gets green back home.

You start subconsciously bouncing your leg as you thought to yourself. Everyone seemed to ignore expect for Korkie and your Knight— who both want to fuck you. Maybe that was the only desirable thing about you. This wasn’t the first time you felt insecure about the relationship you have developed with the Knight. He’s so quiet, so different from you. Were you falling for a trick?

Was he?

Tea must have gone by fast because just before the pearls of your dress start to burn against your arms from the heat exposure, you’re excusing yourself and wandering back inside.

“Strange girl.” One of the noble ladies says to Bo when you walk away. You don’t hear it, you can’t hear anything except for your deafening thoughts.

“Are you sure she’s the one for your nephew?” Another asks. If you had known your mother was silent for all of this in fear of losing her reputation or even the deal between Corellia and Mandalore, you would have been furious.

“Well his father was an outcast, too.” One chuckles. “I guess you Kyrze’s attract the wallflowers.” A few hummed in amused response.

“Well his father wasn’t just an outcast, he was a downright scandal-“

“My sister loved him, and that is all that matters.” Bo interrupts. The laughter quickly dies out.

“Don’t tell me you believe in love, too.” One laughs.

“You aren’t married, what could you know of love?” The same one bo interrupted says.

“I do believe in love, which is why I am not married.” The Queen reiterates. “And I don’t think she’s the right fit for my Nephew, she’s too… outspoken. He needs someone who won’t outshine him.” They chuckle again, all do but your mother, who is still meekly silent.

“Well with the engagement Ball tonight, it is far too late to back out now.” One teases, and the laughter only grows.

Bo-Katan stares in the direction you left.

You huff down the hall, your arms folded and neck sweaty from the heat. You are looking back and forth, studying the layout of the hall in search of something. You’re looking for the smallest idea of where the knight could be but you aren’t very successful.

While all the fully armored guards of the Mandalorian palace are dressed identically, you are almost certain you would be able to spot your boy in a crowd of a thousand of them. You aren’t sure why, but there is something different about him, something that sticks out from the rest. Somehow you two were connected, and it made it so he was always plaguing your mind, even when you are with your literal fiance. Even when you are far away from him and have no clue where he is for the first time in two weeks.

Separation Anxiety.

You aren’t watching where you’re going, which makes you run into a tall, lanky boy. You yelp out in apologetic surprise, looking up at the person blocking your stressed search. A blonde boy flips around to look at you and you’re half expecting to see Korkie but it isn’t.

His Cousin, Hugo, looks down at you with his same charming smirk as always.

“Princess!” He bows.

“My apologies, Hugo!” You exclaim.

“Oh please, you are perfectly fine. You looked distressed? I hope It was not something I did?”

“Of course not!” You reassure, awkwardly smiling. “Uh- may i ask what you were doing in the center of the corridor?”

He chuckles, “Admiring this art.” He nods to an expansive, framed oil painting on the wall. It was of a tall man with a long face and alarming smirk. What stuck out to you, however, was that he held in both hands the same black sword from the royal portraits upstairs by the war room.

“The art is beautiful here.” You smile.

“Yes, my Aunt Satine worked hard to make it culturally rich.”

“Did you know her?”

“Yes, I am a bit older than Korkie, and I knew her for several years before she passed.”

“Are you… second in line?”

“I am.” He says with a classic amused smirk.

“So maybe you can answer a question for me, then.” You ask as you look up at the art. “What in the world is that?” You ask in reference to the blade.

“That, my foreign Princess, is the Dark Sword of Mandalore.”

“The what?” You cluelessly ask.

“A sacred weapon that the rightful ruler possesses, it’s rather powerful.”

“I’ve never seen anything like it before.” You look up at it in awe.

“Hah, yes. It is made of pure obsidian. The white is enchanted quartz veins. It is practically invincible, an elven Mand’alor forged it when he was just a boy.”

“What? There were Mandalorians who were part elf?” You ask, your eyes peeling off of the art and onto your companion.

He looks at you almost confused, “There is much you do not know about my Kingdom?”

“No… I’m afraid not.” You shamefully admit.

“Most don’t,” He shrugs and returns to the conversation unbothered, “It’s history is rather complicated.”

The two of you were quiet for a long time. Your eyes were glued to the stern face of the man in the portrait. You wondered who he was. Hugo is the first to speak up.

“You played beautifully last night.” You doubted he didn’t notice the incorrect notes and mistakes you made several times, maybe he was just being polite by ignoring them. You turn to look at him and smile kindly.

“As did you.” You return the compliment. He looks at you, and you must have been distracted by something other than him because you weren’t aware that his eyes were darting between your eyes and your lips.

Hugo forces a kiss on you.

Just like how Korkie did a few weeks ago in the library. It’s fast because you angrily pull away just as fast as he placed it on you.

“What?” You say like an idiot, looking up at him in shock.

“Oh come on, don’t tell me you don’t feel it?” He gets defensive immediately. The worst part is that it wasn’t even that bad of a kiss, much softer than Korkies, but nowhere as tender as the kisses the Knight would lay on you in the water or behind a closed door. Your entire body seemed to seize up, and you couldn’t get any words out. Not any words that you wanted to say. You just looked up at him, vulnerable and confused. He leans down to do it again but you’re able to turn your head to the side, keeping his lips off of you.

“I am… in love with another man.” You say, clearing your throat.

“You and I both know that isn’t my cousin.”

No use denying it at this point, “yes, but I am still engaged to him. I cannot just be disloyal to the future Mand’alor.” You mutter, embarrassed but trying to keep your cool. You knew you were lying, because you weren’t staying loyal to Korkie. No, you were outright cheating on him and you were falling in love with the boy you were cheating with. You were falling in love. You were very exposed, after all. Anyone could turn the corner or look through the windows and see you. It was different this time, however. Usually hiding your kisses are exciting, but that was only with the Knight. “Please,” You voice betrays you, and the emotional shake is heard through your clenched jaw, “Excuse me.” You push passed him frustratedly, making sure to shove him over a little with your shoulder. You angrily walk back to your room, finally getting there without help for the first time.

When you turned down the Corridor to your suite, you were hoping to see the beskar-clad boy who held you last night, but he still wasn’t there. You hold back emotional tears, but not seeing the one who brings the most comfort to you makes you break. Two crystal tears roll down your cheeks.

You have been taken advantage of too many times in this forsaken castle.

You pull open the door, the golden afternoon light reflecting warmly off of the gold-leafed furniture and decorations is a stark contrast from the bleak hallway. Your bed has been made, and things have been tidied up since you were in here last. You flop onto the mattress, your arms stretched out from your sides, looking up at the sheer canopy above where you lay.

Two hours pass. You think you fell asleep but you cannot remember. If you did, no dreams were had.

Soniee opens your door with trepidation after two soft knocks, “Princess, It is time to prepare for the ball.” Her voice is so timid. You twist your head to look at her, the other ladies from this morning were behind her. Koska was not with them.

You sit up from the bed, rubbing a crook in your neck from how you were laying...

—

authors note (again): i know this isn’t the best chapter ending but ya know... IT WASNT SUPPOSED TO BE

Anyways..... see you tomorrow? i guess? haha

Taglist: @remmysbounty @snow30285 @what-iwish-you-knew @softly-sad @carbonated-beverage @frogllady @baileys-corner @song-of-sea-and-sky @leaiorganas @weirdowithnobeardo @ginger-swag-rapunzel @bewitchedbodyandsol l @mograh @justavolcano @theokatz @lowkeytesss @hallway5 @dat-girl-in-corner @news4bees @istealyof00d @songofcosplay @waffles4lif3 @mcueveryday @310ra @thatonedindjarinfan @songofseraphine @callmekane @theelilbritt @bbwithaknife @firstofficerwiggles @jedi-jesi @ironbabey @minttchipp @bel-ppa @honey-hi @cp11 @venomous-ko @bbwithaknife @lunatic-sunsets @1800-fight-me @foundtheavacados @elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey @florenceivy @theanothersherlockian @spideysimpossiblegirl @mandomistress @floraandfrost @paradoxpictures @stinky-child

“if you are included in the taglist, you are expected to interact with the post you are tagged in (ex. reblogs, comments and notes), if I notice that you are not interacting with the applicable post, you will be removed from the taglist”

—

part twelve

183 notes · View notes

hoedorokishoto · 3 years

Text

Trust - Part 1

Shoto Todoroki x Reader

+ Minors DNI

| part | next

“You know, if you just stopped getting kicked in the head, I wouldn’t need to fix your gear all the time.” I said, my hands running over the smooth metal of Hitoshi’s voice modulator. Different from the first one I had made him 2 years ago; small changes being made to help your best friend become the best hero he could be.

“Maybe I miss hanging out with you. You are worth a swift kick to the head.” He said from behind me, walking around the room as he spoke. Looking at the various machines, weapons, and other projects I was working on in the workshop. I laughed at his response, shaking my head as I screwed the missing panel back into place.

“You flatter me.”

Hitoshi Shinso had been your best friend since before both of you were even born. Your dad and his parents, living next to each other since their early 20’s, experiencing drunken nights, sad days and the trials of parent hood together. So in turn you and Toshi had done everything together. First steps, first words and first days of school.

“I saw you and Mr Aizawa on TV.” I said beaming, the thought of him realising his dreams and making them a reality enough to make my heart soar.

“Oh yeah, it was pretty weird. Don’t think I’ll ever get used to it. Neither will Mr Aizawa.”

“Lucky you guys are so chatty.”

It was him who laughed this time, coming up next to me and hugging me into his side. I did miss him, his hero work and my support work taking up much of whatever spare time we had. Especially being 3rd years, our futures looming over us even more, having to make final decisions about our future. Gone were the days of dressing up as our favourite heroes and running around our homes catching our parents who pretended to be villains. Now all I seemed to think about where internship offers and upcoming exams, mathematic equations often overtaking my thoughts even in my dreams.

The gear didn’t need much fixing just a loose panel and a few scratches, something easy that I could fix in a matter of minutes.

“Good as new!” I said, holding up the voice modulator and admiring my handy work, then passing it back to Hitoshi.

“You’re the best Y/N, ramen is on me next time.” Hitoshi said, winking and taking the equipment from me. Placing it over his face and making the necessary adjustments.

The workshop was surprisingly quiet, usually filled with the noise of machines and steel clanging together. The music usually turned up to max volume as the other support course students worked on support gear for other heroes. Hatsume clearly wasn’t here because it had been a whole 3 hours with no explosions nearby.

“So how is Kaibara?” Toshi asked, quirking his purple eyebrow at me. I rolled my eyes at his question, stepping around him and back over to my tool bench.

“I don’t know, why don’t you ask him?”

“Well I only ask because you seem to know him a lot better than I do. Intimately I would say.”

“Ew, don’t say intimately. Are you 95 years old?” I said, faking chills and a look of disgust on my face.

Sen and I weren’t dating, I didn’t want to date him but the time we did spend together proved effective in helping relieve the everyday stress of living at UA and being a Hero Support student. The sex was good, and he was handsome, always considerate of me and never did anything I was uncomfortable with. The more I thought about it, the more perfect he seemed. He very well might be, but just not for me. There was never any substance behind my feelings for him beyond the attraction to sleep with him. If we did interact outside of the bedroom it was purely platonic, just friends and nothing more. As bad as it sounded, I was using him for personal benefit and nothing more.

"He talks about you a lot.”

I looked into his eyes and flipped my hair, a cocky grin overtaking my features.

“Well… what can I say?”

“Not like that you weirdo, he asks a lot of questions. He wants to know more about you.” Hitoshi laughed, slapping my arm, scratching the back of his neck.

“Do you guys not talk?”

“Why would we need to?” I asked, not quite understanding the question. My back to Hitoshi now, tidying my workstation as I waited for his answer. We knew what we needed to know about one another, our names, birthdays, and a few general things but beyond that it seemed irrelevant.

“I think he likes you.”

“Well I hope he does he puts his penis inside me Hitoshi.”

“You know that isn’t what I meant. He like likes you.”

I stilled; my back still turned towards my friend. My view of relationships was always clouded by indifference. I could blame it on the fact that my parents didn’t work out or I could blame it on my preferences, hell I could even blame it on my star sign. Whichever excuse I chose I always knew that deep down I knew that relationships would never work, and people were better off alone, if I didn’t fully give someone my heart there is no way that they could rip it out of my chest and step on it. I would never put myself in that situation.

“That sounds like his problem, not mine.” I said coldly, picking up my bag and heading to the door, hopefully hearing the end of this conversation.

“Ramen is on you remember. I’m hungry.”

Without another word I flicked off the light by the door and headed out of the workshop, Hitoshi picking up speed to walk beside me, not saying another word.

The walk back to UA was always killer, that dam hill being the bane of my existence for the last 3 years. The silence was almost deafening, I could feel Hitoshi holding something back. Wanting to say something, something about the conversation earlier no doubt.

“What is it?”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“I can feel you being gloomy, more so than usual. It’s irritating.”

Hitoshi sighed, rubbing his eyes with one of his hands. Shaking his head as he stopped.

“I want you to be happy! Is that so wrong? What’s wrong with Kaibara?”

“If you like him so much why don’t you date him.”

“I don’t want to make jokes!” He said, stepping past me, and continuing up the hill.

“Why is this so important to you? You’ve never really cared before.” I asked, jogging to catch up to him. He didn’t answer, he just linked our arms and continued up the hill. Pushing whatever he was feeling down and sealing it away.

“Denki is having a party in the 3A dorm this weekend. Wanna come?” Hitoshi asked changing the subject and tightening his arm around mine.

“Mr Aizawa is allowing that?”

“Yeah, apparently it will be good for us to blow off some steam before the school year really kicks off. His words not mine.”

He sensed my hesitation.

“Hatsume is going to be there, she even convinced IIda to go.” He said raising his eyebrows.

“Wow, that is impressive.” I said matter of factly, nodding my head. The class rep of the 3A was known for being a real stickler for the rules. Keeping everyone in order and always being the epitome of a model student. Bless his soul, but he wasn’t really the party type. The picture of him in that environment was enough to convince me to go.

“Please, who is going to help me stop Denki from being an idiot?”

“Literally any of his other friends?”

“Yeah but you are so pretty, and he is a simp.” Toshi said matter-of-factly.

“Fine, but if I don’t see Tenya do his little arm thing at least once then I’m gonna be so mad at you.” I said giggling and tightening his arms once more.

“I can guarantee it, it will be Denki and a party. It’s like you don’t even know him.”

Me and the rest of class 3H had been instructed to be at Ground Gamma for a joint training session between 3A and 3B, the hero support students were to observe and help with gear whenever needed. Taking notes on current gear and seeing where adjustments were needed. As the future heroes got better at handling their quirks and being in tense situations some fights ended with a lot of damage. Whether it be to the heroes themselves or their gear, that’s where we came in.

I always seemed to forget just how big the facilities at UA really were, most of the grounds built to look like entire blocks of actual cities. Ground Gamma was made up of various exposed pipes and machinery, the combination giving a labyrinth affect perfect for heroes to improve theirs fighting skills in tight spaces.

Watching them was impressive, just how far they had come in a few short years was a credit to just how hard they trained every day. I felt safe and content knowing that these people were going to be patrolling the city one day and keeping people safe.

“Hey stranger!” a voice yelled in the distance, Sero’s tall body coming into view as he walked closer to me. Denki and Toshi following closely behind.

“Afternoon.” I said, saluting the boys as they got closer, standing on either side of me examining the work bench and tools that we had set up before anyone else arrived.

“How is my favourite little nerd?” Denki asked, nudging my arm with his and hugging me.

“I’m good, excited to see you guys train today.”

“Aw babe, prepare to be amazed!” Denki said, winking at me, his arm still slung around my side.

“Y/N could watch me burp the alphabet and be more impressed.” Hitoshi said sarcastically.

“You guys are so harsh.” He replied, clutching his hand to his chest and feigning sadness.

The group laughed as I turned around and prepared for this afternoon’s events. Ready to take notes and sketch new designs. The students had started filling up the platform, sitting in the groups they had been assigned, discussing the best plans of attack depending on their quirks.

“Everyone gather around!”

“Today will be a bit different, after today’s exercise we will be assigning you with new support students based on where we think the heroes need improvement and previous projects from the support course students. We will also be looking at your scheduled internships and work studies and matching you based on that so we can get all heroes and their gear to the best they can be before graduation.” Mr Aizawa said, commanding the attention of everyone on the platform. He wore his usual nonchalant expression, hair down and hands in his pockets.

Everyone talked amongst themselves about the recently learned information. As of right now I worked on Bakugo, Uraraka and Hitoshi’s costumes and support gear. The first two hero costumes were my entrance exam task, getting a rough design, a file on both students and their quirks and having to design according to that. Now making adjusts when needed or wanted. The most recent addition was two earpieces for Bakugo to reduce the noise of his explosions but still allowing him to hear regular noise, so he didn’t lose any sense while fighting. In hopes that his explosions wouldn’t damage his hearing anymore than it already had.

New projects were always welcome, in hopes of keeping my grades high before graduation. Hero Agencies always quick to offer students internships based on good grades and successful support gear.

“So to get this started, give it your best and good luck!” Allmight finished, the first two groups of students heading to their assigned bases to start training.

The training finished, class A’s teams winning the most training battles and celebrating accordingly. Cheering and hugging each other. My notebook already full of notes and sketches for potential changes and brand-new designs.

“Everyone please look up at the screen and look at who you have been given as your support students. There will be no changing so no complaining.” Aizawa said, already walking off the platform. Probably to wrap himself up in his sleeping bag.

There in large blue writing was my name.

Y/N Nanase – Hitoshi Shinso, Katsuki Bakugo, Shoto Todoroki

I looked over at the student who was newly assigned to me, there Shoto Todoroki was in all his half and half glory. One blue eye and one dark grey already staring back at me.

#shoto todoroki #shoto x reader #mha x reader #bnha x reader #todoroki x reader #shoto smut

70 notes · View notes

adapembroke · 3 years

Text

Reading Tarot Like The High Priestess

My first exposure to the High Priestess in the movie The Mists of Avalon, a retelling of the myth of Arthur from the perspective of the women in the story. The character who most embodies the High Priestess in the first part of the film is the high priestess Vivian. She is powerful, mysterious, and magical. Like the Magician, the High Priestess is a master of all the elements, but, while the Magician’s magic comes from tools, Viviane and her priestesses use none. If they want to light a pile of sticks on fire, they uses their mind. If they want to lower the mists, their only tools are their hands. The source of the Magician’s power is external. Even if the Magician works with metaphors, the metaphors he uses are ones that have meaning in the outside world. Viviane and her priestesses find the source of their power internally. When a young priestess fails to light a pile of sticks on fire because she is distracted by visions of her brother, Viviane doesn’t tell her to get better at using her wand. She tells her to concentrate, to control her mind.

The power of the mind and intuition, this is the power of the High Priestess.

The High Priestess’s Magic is Intuition

How do you talk about intuition? It’s so different for everyone. Some people have a very physical experience of intuition. When they’re about to do something wrong, they literally feel it in their gut. Other people see colors or hear a skeptical grumbling noise from a guide. Some people just know things and have learned to trust that, even if they can’t give a reason. Some people are particularly adept at noticing signs and omens. Some people need tools to help them hear their intuition. They practice automatic writing or morning pages every morning, or they start their day with a Tarot reading, or are very particular about knowing what all of the astrological transits are and how they effect them.

All of these diverse ways of hearing from inner wisdom is beautiful, if you know what your style of intuition is, but it can be a nightmare for someone who is just starting to figure out how to work with intuition. You need intuition in order to know what your style of intuition is, and with so many options, it can be really difficult to figure out where and how to listen.

The dictionary is no help with this whatsoever. The word “intuition” comes from the Latin word intuit which means “contemplate,” which is a compound word of “to look” and “upon.” So, intuition is the thing you look at, but what are you looking at, exactly? Definitionally, intuition is like an onion. You try to get to the center of it and find nothing but air. The dictionary isn’t wrong. The messages of intuition may (or may not) be dramatic for the person experiencing them, but intuition is private, subjective. There is really nothing for anyone else to see.

Intuition relies on what the political theorist Hannah Arendt called “a silent dialogue between me and myself.” It is in this idea that we begin to get some insight into what intuition really is. It is a way of communicating with yourself. Arendt called this silent dialog “thinking,” but intuition is more than thinking. Thinking is communicating with your rational self. Intuition communicates with parts of yourself that have nothing to do with rationality at all, the sides of yourself that are a little closer to the animals and a little closer to the gods.

The first type of intuition, the animal side, is often called your “gut.” I call it the “animal side” because it’s the kind of intuition animals have. It’s the part of you that has an animal sense of people and places. It’s highly attuned to danger and safety, friend and foe. It’s the part of you that will not shut up about avoiding that stupid stairwell at work, even though you never run into anyone there, and taking it shaves five minutes off your walk to your bus. It’s the part of you that looks at someone you’ve never met and says, “That person is bad news.” Or it’s the part of you that’s kind of like a golden retriever, who meets someone for the first time and desperately, happily wants that person to be your friend.

The second type of intuition, the divine side, is what people usually mean when they say intuition. It’s a little bit ethereal and mysterious. It’s the part of you that knows this pendulum is for you and not that one. It’s the part of you that knows your friend really needs a hug, even though they haven’t said anything and everything about their body language says they’re fine. It’s not rational. There is no rational reason why the pendulum with the quartz stone and the moon handle is better for you than the amethyst stone with a quartz handle, but something in you knows, even before you try the pendulum, that one is for you, and the other one is not.

The more mystical expression of intuition has historically been associated with women. Some, even today, call this type of intuition “women’s intuition” and deny that people who aren’t women have access to this type of knowing at all. This is wrong. Intuition has nothing to do with estrogen or gender signaling. Everyone, regardless of their gender has intuition, but if you don’t identify as a woman, you may have a difficult time finding people in the media who use intuition to make decisions and look like you. Until this problem is fixed, sitting with the lack of representation can be, itself, a way of working with the high priestess.

The Dark Goddess

One of the High Priestess’s symbols is the moon. This marks her as a priestess of the Dark Goddesses. Dark Goddesses like Ceridwen, Hekate, and the Morrigan are comfortable with the darker side of human nature. Hekate is the goddess of witches who aren’t necessarily nice. Ceridwen is famous for her anger, and the Morrigan chooses those who are to be slain on the battlefield and eventually merged in the lore with the ban sidhe, the fairy monster who wails for the dead.

Why does the High Priestess come now in the Fool’s Journey? Why do we jump from the optimism of the Magician to a priestess of the goddesses of anger and death?

To answer that question, I’ll add another chapter to the story about Silicon Valley from “Reading Tarot Like The Magician.” In the beginning of the life of a technology startup, things look shiny and wonderful. You’re the Magician. You have this wonderful idea, and you know that no one else in the world has ever thought of anything like it. You feel like a genius. All you need to do is raise your hand on the right street in Palo Alto, and you know that all of the bankers are going to come running with their checkbooks begging you for the privilege of giving you cash.

You start to do the work. It goes well. You start to actually manifest some things in the world.

Then disaster strikes. You find out about a rival who came up with your idea six months earlier than you did. You make some appointments with bankers, and you feel like you’re speaking a foreign language when you talk to them, and they can’t understand what is so genius about your work. You learn that your idea isn’t actually that easy to implement. It’s hard work, and you’ve already quit your job, and you don’t own anything but your laptop and a box of frozen burritos. Your apartment is a tiny corner of somebody’s garage the size of a cubicle that you share with fifteen other startups.

You reach a dark night of the soul, and you come face to face with what kind of person you are when you’re miserable and under pressure. Ideally, you acknowledge your negative emotions. You figure out how you’re going to deal with being so angry, depressed, and jealous without causing anyone harm. At the very least, if you are going to keep going, you have to turn inward and face yourself. You need to connect with the part of yourself that wants to continue doing something difficult when so many things in the outer world—including rationality itself—seem to be against you. The part of us that stands between us and the darkness, between our rationality and the things we know that transcend rationality, this is the High Priestess.

Many people first encounter the High Priestess archetype during dark times in their lives. Until they go through those times, their lives simply don’t give them a reason to turn inward, and they have no reason to do the kind of intense contemplation that making friends with this archetype—and developing intuition—requires. If they come out of it, they will be more powerful and more intuitive and in more control of themselves than they’ve ever been, but like the High Priestess, they must do this work without tools.All they have are their will and their hands and their eyes and their gut.

With one exception.

The High Priestess’s Book

The High Priestess’s only tool is a book. Why this exception? The reason for this comes back to the dictionary definition of intuition, which is so deeply connected with “contemplation.”

Contemplation in most usages is just another word for thinking, but it also has a deeper meaning. In Druidry and some branches of Christianity, contemplation is a meditative act that is often assisted by reading sacred texts. This practice is sometimes called lectio divina, which translates as “divine reading.”

Divine reading is another gateway to developing intuition, one that is not quite as soul-tearing as the dark night of the soul. Engaging in that “silent dialog between me and myself” is difficult when you’re first starting out, and it can help to start by having a silent dialog between yourself and a book.

In divine reading, you turn your attention to a passage from a sacred text or poem, and after you’ve read it once, you go back and turn your attention to word or phrase or sentence that draws your attention. You don’t try to justify your decision rationally. You just go with the thing that stands out to you. And you think about the passage for a long time. If you think about it long enough, you find that you are, eventually, no longer dialoging with the book at all but dialoging with yourself. If you allow the dialog to go on long enough, you usually discover the reason why you chose that passage in the first place. Even if the reason for your choice remains mysterious, the decision to honor your intuition enough to act on it be an essential first step in learning to hear and work with your intuition.

The High Priestess in Divination

Like the Magician, the High Priestess is a beginner. She stands at the door of intuition. She accesses the waters of intuition behind her—and their attendant goddess—remotely, through the moon on her head and the book in her hands. Some come to her and ask her mediate between them and the Dark Goddess, but she knows there is only so much help they can get from the outside, and so she directs them back to their own wisdom.

As diviners, it is essential that we have a working relationship with intuition. Intuition tells us which cards to read or stones to throw. It guides us to the most important areas of a birth chart to focus on, and it tells us that this interpretation of a card is right and not that one, but there are times when intuition itself is the answer. There are times when a reading refuses to give answers and redirects our clients—or ourselves—to that deep inner knowing.

“Know yourself,” the High Priestess says. “Trust yourself.“

When you work with the High Priestess while doing divination, you are fundamentally alone. When you are learning her lessons, circumstances will conspire to make sure that you have a lot of alone time, or you may find yourself withdrawing into the darkness to commune with yourself. Don’t fight it. Darkness and quiet and solitude are necessary to begin to hear your own voice, and it is only after you have explored the dark corners of your soul that you can begin to hear the sides of yourself that rule your intuition and speak without words.

This post was originally published on Aquarius Moon Journal on 21 February 2020.

#witchblr #tarot

14 notes · View notes

basement-envy · 4 years

Text

Why Else

“Lister, since when do you wear turtlenecks?” inquires Rowan as he enters the kitchen, brows raised. Lister, not having heard him approach, jumps. Rowan’s eyebrows shoot up higher.

“Since today.“ he says defensively, “ Why? D’you have a problem with it? Aren’t you the one that threw a fit at that awards show last year when I wouldn’t wear one to match with you?” he says, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lip.

“First off, it was not a fit. I just wanted you to look presentable. Secondly, I seem to remember you saying something about rather wanting to die than look like me.”

“Well maybe...I’ve decided to listen to you, O god of fashion,” he jokes.

There was something off about him, Rowan realized. There was a wariness to his eyes and a tenseness in his shoulders. His face seems puffy and his eyes are rimmed with red. His smile seems forced. Rowan notices that his lips are chapped, which was strange because he was supposed to be preparing for an upcoming modeling job.

“You okay, mate?” Rowan sits down across from him at the breakfast table.

Lister looks up at him, “Of course. M’fine.” He says this too fast. He’s definitely been crying. It’s undeniable from up close. Lister seems to realize that he’s been found out, and averts his eyes.

“You know, If you need to talk about something, I’m here. So’s Jimmy.” Lister makes a pained noise in his throat. His hand comes up to rub his neck.

“Look, mate, we’ve all been messed up about what happen in August, especially Jimmy, but I can tell it’s as bad for you as it is for him.”

“I’m...” he pushes himself up from the chair, “fine.” He gives Rowan a watery smile. This seems a bit more genuine than the joking, but it still feels like he’s hiding something. He leaves to his room and Rowan notices a bruise peeking out from under his collar.

***

Lister collapses on his bed on the verge of tears. He should be happier now. He’d gotten part of what he’d been wanting for the last three years.

He thinks back to last night.

***

He’d been in his bed restless and craving a cigarette. His thoughts flitted from the lyrics of their new song to his new modeling contract to Jimmy Kaga-Ricci.

His thoughts had a way of always returning to Jimmy. He thought about how Jimmy’s hair looked after his latest haircut, shorter on the sides and shaggier on the top, but as soft as ever. He thought about his doe eyes and how they looked when he laughed. He thought about the way he’d laughed last week when Lister’d cracked a joke about Rowan’s crush on some girl at a party. The secret smile they’d shared at their friend’s horrid attempts at seducing her. Sometimes, when Lister thinks of the culmination of smiles and glances and secret looks, it’s almost seems like Jimmy could like him back.

But then he’d think of the disgusted look Jimmy had given him after Lister had drunkenly kissed him. The way he’d leaned back as far as he could, trapped between Lister and the sink. Jimmy loved him, he knew. But couldn’t in the way that Lister did. And so, he was back. Back to drowning in a whirlpool of self-pity until he could distract himself or fall asleep.

Ten minutes went by, and he’d managed to fall half-asleep when he heard a clang from the kitchen and then the wiring of the refrigerator’s ice dispenser. He levered himself out of bed and peeked out of his bedroom door. It was Jimmy, sitting at the table, chomping at some ice. This was a nervous habit for him.

“Jim?” Lister’s voice was gravelly. Jimmy looked up, startled.

“Oh! Sorry! Did I wake you?”

Lister shook his head. “S’fine. I was already awake. You good?” He looked at the cup of ice pointedly. Jimmy gives him a small smile and doesn’t respond.

Instead, he stands up and walks towards the bedrooms. “You wanna watch something? I’ve been meaning to show you this movie.” Lister probably should’ve commented on the fact that he was avoiding the question, but didn’t want to turn down the invitation to sit with him, in his bed, arms pressed against each other. God, he was a horrible person.

Later, they’re under the covers, Lister could feel Jimmy’s foot pressing against his calf, and his breath on his neck every time he laughed at the screen. He felt like he could quite literally pass out. Maybe catch up on all the sleep he’s been missing. This went for about twenty minutes, and then he realized that Jimmy was watching him.

“Are you?” Jimmy whispers.

“Hmm?“ Had Lister missed something he’d said?

“Erm...alright, I mean.” He was talking about what he’d asked him earlier. Lister turned to him. His face was illuminated by the screen. The shaggy bit of his hair had fallen into his eyes, and Lister had the urge to tuck it back behind his ear. He was so beautiful. “I mean you asked me earlier, but it seemed like you weren't okay either.” Moles doted his face like stars in a constellation.

“I...“ Lister’s voice cracked. He looked down at his lap and shook his head. Jimmy took a breath.

“Sometimes I think it’ll never get better. This...feeling of being trapped. That fate put us here and we’ll never be allowed to escape. I mean loved it at first, obviously. I mean we got to play our music and be heard and do it all together and the press and fame could get annoying, yeah, but it was outweighed by all of the good things.” His voice sounded so fragile. “But back in August, when everything was happening, when-when I climbed out of that window...God, I think if hadn’t done that, if I’d stayed and signed that contract, God, Lister I think I would have lost my mind.

When he was finished, Lister wrapped him in his arms. Let him bury his head in the crook of his neck. They stay like that for while breathing with each other, in and out.

Over his head, Lister whispers, “We’re kinda fucked up, aren’t we?” Jimmy let’s out a huff into his neck. “You know I’m here if you ever need anything?”

Jimmy slowly pulled back and Lister reeled from the loss. His hands were still on Lister’s shoulders and his eyebrows were drawn together as if he was trying to figure something out.

“Jimm-,” Before Lister could have asked what was wrong, Jimmy’s hands slid down to the collar of his shirt and pulled crashing their mouths together. At first, Lister couldn’t react. He couldn’t believe this was happening. He had spent countless nights for the past three years wishing this would happen. Slowly his eyes fluttered closed and he returned the kiss.

Jimmy surged forward and had Lister leaning back against the headboard. His hands came up and tangled themselves in his hair. After what felt like hours, they pulled back for air.

Jimmy was fully seated in Lister’s lap. Their foreheads were pressed together and their lips were slick. They panted against each other. Lister wasn’t as experienced as people seemed to think he was, but he had done this enough times that it shouldn’t have felt as completely new as it did. But, it was Jimmy, so of course it did.

“I-“ Jimmy cut him off again, tongue slipping into his mouth. He groaned.

It occurred to him that this didn’t mean as much to Jimmy as it did to him and that he could just be the nearest person who was willing. But he couldn’t bring himself to stop.

***

Lister had woken up to a cold bed. His and Jimmy’s clothes had been folded and set on the desk. Jimmy’s keys were gone. Jimmy was gone.

Why had he thought that this was anything other than a meaningless hook up? Why had he let himself believe that Jimmy could feel the same way?

Why else would anyone want to be around him than to get with him? He was Lister Bird.

Right there, in Jimmy’s bed, filled with the bittersweet memories of the things that had happen last night, Lister had broken down in tears.

#bicci #rowan omondi #lister bird #jimmy kaga ricci #jister?#fic #fanfic #fanfiction #iwbft #i was born for this #alice oseman #osemanverse #though i'd try my hand at some fanfiction #there is a criminally low amount of content on the bicci tag #angst #like annnggst #my writing

96 notes · View notes

unordinaryquotes · 4 years

Text

UnOrdinary Chapter 173 Review

Get ready for a lot of rants

-First thing we start off with is John being a dumbass. When will this man ever learn to read social cues.

-Then he keeps denying it even after Sera’s clearly done with this bullshit. Get over your good guy act when you keep acting like a child.

-You’re literally doing it right now. You are screaming at her at the top of your lungs while she’s trying to have an intervention with you. Only narcissistic people or children would act like this. John can not handle a single flaw of his being pointed out

-Then we get the first forceful grab, and this one’s by the shoulders which makes it harder for Sera to escape and easier for John to hurt her. He acts innocent but his actions prove just what a piece of shit he is

-Now I’d maybe understand John’s outbursts if Seraphina was being cryptic or if her words could be taken in a negative way, but they can’t. She wants to help him, work through it with him. This is all astounding because he was the one who hurt her by lying. She didn’t need to do this, but she wants too.

-Then the scary John panel shows up and I was screaming. This is a “in the right” guy, right John stans. That man definitely knows what’s best for the school. If he can’t control his temper in a conversation, how is this man ever gonna bring about a “cripple revolution”

-And just like what Sera says in the next panel, THERE ARE NO SIDES. I’m so tired of John and everyone else talking about sides in this damn series. There are times where a person is right, and sometimes when they’re wrong. Arlo was wrong in the past, and John is wrong now. The whole side talk is irrelevant anyway because it’s not just a few people in this confrontation, THE ENTIRE SCHOOL IS PART OF IT. The moment you start dragging in bystanders is when sides break down.

-Also this man keeps preaching about trust, but like?? You’re the one who lied first dumbass. This man is literally too stupid to function.

-Also John is such a selfish asshole. He’s proven what a shitty world they live in (but everyone knew that already so really he did nothing). So why keep it going? Just because? Is your petty revenge that important to you that you’ll let low tiers be hunted down, allow Sera to be hurt by her own peers. But then turn around and say you’re helping her because you have a watchdog on her? Textbook levels on abuse right here folks.

-Again, proving that John never really cared about them. He’s not helping them or giving them a voice, he’s destroying them not just from above, but also from inside. No kid should be terrified of having to go to school. No kid should have to think “Man, I sure hope I don’t get beat up in the halls today. Possibly by someone I know”

-And another unwanted grab, this time by the hand. All so Sera can’t escape. Also you can tell he’s putting force into these grabs. Y’all ever get grabbed like that? I have, and it fucking hurts, but it’s also one of the most terrifying things I’ve ever experienced.

-New Bostin was how long ago? Quit feeling sorry for yourself

-Arlo beat you up how long ago? Quit feeling sorry for yourself

-Shut the fuck up John. You spent almost a fourth of the panel time in this chapter for your triggered flashbacks. Yes, what happened at New Bostin was traumatizing (I’d say more to Claire than you but eh). But you’re just gonna sit there and say that when Sera got tracked, jumped, stabbed, lost her ability, and was ALMOST KIDNAPPED that she should just get over it and that all her problems are in her head? You are a hypocrite John.

-This panel fucking hurts. She’s crying, one thing a friend shouldn’t do is make another one cry and then not apologize. Also, she is the one defending herself? You aren’t doing anything, in fact, she had to teach herself to fight. You didn’t teach her anything at the start. Elaine was more supportive in that front than you were.

-Also Sera does have a right to say these things. SHES BEEN THROUGH THIS BEFORE. She still remembers when she was an arrogant god tier who bullied others and ignored those in need. She remembers learning to humble herself and become a better person and rehabilitate. She’s not exactly like you, but she does have a say in the matter.

-2nd best panel in the chapter. John isn’t here right now. John is living in the past and in his head. He doesn’t care what happens to Sera, to low tiers, to anyone. If it doesn’t affect him, it doesn’t matter. He doesn’t realize just how much he’s hurting others (unless he takes time to bask in beating there skull in) because he can’t empathize with others.

-And this is the third strike. He refuses to let her go, clearly holding on with force. And the whole “You’re not going anywhere until I’m done talking” is a way for abusers to continue to emotionally damage their victims. If you make them feel like shit enough then maybe they’ll stop challenging you. Maybe if you tell them how everything is there fault, they’ll stop blaming you. John is an abuser, and deserves to burn in a hole.

-People might say Sera’s in the wrong for this, but I commend her. She was stuck in a room, alone, with John grabbing onto her forcefully and yelling at her. John has hurt her a total of three times in this chapter (three times more than should be allowed) he deserves it.

-Also notice how it parallels the John slapping Claire moment. Back when John did it, he was holding on to a Claire who couldn’t fight back, and he slapped her. Now the formerly defenseless girl he projects onto Sera finally fought back and refused to take his abuse anymore. This time, she’s the one slapping him, and it’s not to hurt, but to escape.

-THE FUCKING AUDACITY OF THIS MAN!!!!!

-“dID yOU JuSt HiT mE???” He says while he earlier he forcefully grabbed onto her twice and yelled right in her face.

-John needs to be expelled at best and jailed at worse. He’s a danger to everyone. This fucking dickbag can’t seem to understand that rules apply to him. It’s fine when the Royals get a taste of their own medicine but the moment he does it’s unfair and an outrage.

-Also I’m terrified for next chapter. Sera’s a decent fighter, but she can’t match him in a real battle right now. Not to mention how ruthless he is.

I want John to burn in a fiery hellscape. Only then will I finally know true peace. Also I want Arlo and Remi back, #letarlosmile

#unordinary #unordinary john #unordinary seraphina

58 notes · View notes

thelazyhermits · 4 years

Text

Haunting Memories

Here’s that Fortune angst I promised. I hope y’all enjoy it! XD

Once again, you’re back in the fighting ring. This time you’re up against a large man with a mutant Quirk that gives him the appearance and abilities of a rhinoceros.

That means he’s not only strong but incredibly thick-skinned. To say you’re nervous about this match would be a complete understatement.

While you are definitely faster than him and will be able to predict his movements thanks to your Quirk, that can only get you so far. Just like with some of your past opponents, the only chance you have of winning is by wearing him out to the point that he can no longer move. Although, something tells you that this feat will be much harder with this particular opponent.

Most likely, it’s because you could tell he was being serious when he was taunting you yesterday about defeating you. He claimed that your usual cheap tricks wouldn’t work on him and that no matter what you throw his way he will be the victor.

Of course, that wasn’t the first time you heard words like that from an opponent. However, unlike previous opponents, this man has the power to back up his words. His past matches were proof of that.

In addition to claiming that he’d be the victor, your opponent said he’d beat you down until you couldn’t move anymore. According to him, the pain you’ll experience at his hands is going to be worse than anything you’ve ever experienced.

So, you think your nervousness is perfectly understandable. You do not want to experience whatever kind of pain the rhino Quirk user has in store for you.

That’s why you’ll have to push yourself to your limits to ensure that doesn’t happen. No matter what it takes, you will not allow your opponent to prevail.

It’s at that moment the sound of a bell ringing reaches your ears. However, rather than signal the start of the match, the bell becomes a harbinger for a much more horrific nightmare.

All you can do is stare with large, horror-filled eyes as your opponent literally explodes, covering the surrounding area with blood and gore. Naturally, due to your close proximity to the explosion, you get covered in blood.

Dimly, you’re aware of the screams coming from the crowd as you slowly look down to examine your trembling, blood-covered hands. You don’t know how long you remain in that position, too shocked to do anything else.

You’re eventually drawn out of your stupor by a hauntingly familiar voice. “Ah~ As expected of my beloved Prophet, you even look beautiful covered in blood. Although, I think that it’s a waste that you’re covered in the blood of a fool so far below you, don’t you agree?”

Immediately, your gaze moves to focus on the speaker who’s standing right outside the fighting ring, and you see bright, acid green eyes staring back at you and a large grin that sends shivers down your spine. Pure terror washes over you as your heart beats rapidly in your chest.

The only thing you want to do now is run, but you can’t. Your body remains frozen in place, so unfortunately for you, there’s only one thing you can do in this situation.

You scream.

Your eyes fly open as you jolt into a sitting position. Immediately, one of your hands flies to cover your mouth to prevent yourself from releasing the scream building up in your throat.

Shivers rack your body as your heart pounds a mile a minute. Tears spring to your eyes and quickly cascade down your cheeks before you can even think to stop them.

Rather than try to fight back against the surge of emotions that’s overwhelming you, you just give in to it and spend the next several minutes crying into your knees after pulling them to your chest. Miraculously, you manage to avoid making a lot of noise since the last thing you want is to wake Eri and have her see you in such a pitiful state.

Even though there’s nothing you want more than to forget about that horrible nightmare, you can’t stop yourself from thinking about it. As much as you’d like to write it off as just a bad dream, you know that it’s a memory from your life as a cage fighter.

Somehow, you ended up in a match where your opponent suddenly died due to exploding. Unfortunately for you, you can’t remember how that explosion occurred. Obviously, you didn’t do it, and it couldn’t have been the fault of the rhino Quirk user.

So, whose fault was it?

Immediately, your thoughts turn to the person with acid green eyes that seemed like they could look right through you. As soon as you do that, your trembling increases, which is definitely not a good sign since this is the kind of reaction you had after you had that vision of Mumei following the USJ attack.

Deciding it would be in your best interest to stop thinking about the memory, you do your best to clear your mind as you slowly move to climb out of your bed. You know there’s no way you’ll be able to go to sleep on your own after such a horrible nightmare, so that means a trip to Aizawa’s apartment is in order.

So, that’s exactly where you head. However, before you can, you have to make a stop at your bathroom since you suddenly have the overwhelming urge to wash your hands.

For some reason, even though you know it was just a memory, your hands still feel like they’re covered in blood, and you desperately want to get rid of that horrible sensation.

As a result, you end up spending several minutes roughly washing your hands in a desperate attempt to get them “clean”. Even when your hands start turning red, you don’t stop washing them until the sticky sensation you feel finally fades.

Once you’re finally satisfied, you leave your room and take a moment to stop by Eri’s room, wanting to make sure she’s still sleeping in her room. Once you’re sure she’s fine, you take the elevator to go downstairs.

Much to your surprise, shortly after you exit the elevator, you notice that the lights in the kitchen are on. Either someone forgot to turn the lights off before heading to bed, or one of your students is up despite it being the middle of the night.

While a part of you wants to see if someone else is awake, you’re also reluctant since you know you must look like a mess considering all the crying you did earlier, even though you did wash your face while you were taking care of your hands.

Just as you’re thinking you should just head straight to Aizawa’s apartment before anyone can see you, a pajama-clad Todoroki appears in the kitchen doorway.

Once you see him, you immediately realize what’s going on. The stoic boy has a penchant for sneaking sweets in the middle of the night, so he’s obviously going after the fruit tarts you made earlier today.

The thought of Todoroki pilfering fruit tarts causes the corners of your lips to quirk upwards. Leave it to your student to put a smile on your face without even trying.

As you’re thinking that, Todoroki moves to approach you. Rather than make a comment defending his actions like he usually does when he gets caught in the act of stealing sweets, the taller boy remains strangely quiet for some reason.

It’s when he comes to a stop before you that you realize why. Now that he’s closer, you can make out the clear concern in his eyes and the small frown resting on his lips. “Are you alright, Sensei?”

Your first impulse is to tell him that you’re fine, but that would be a lie. And you’re sure that he’d know that. While the last thing you want to do is lie to your student, you also don’t want to tell him about your nightmare since that would mean reliving it which is the last thing you want to do.

Of course, your brain has to choose that moment to betray you by bringing scenes from that nightmare to the forefront of your mind. When that happens, tears immediately prick your eyes as your breath hitches.

Todoroki’s eyes widen slightly after seeing your reaction. However, rather than question you about it, the stoic boy moves closer to you before outstretching his arms.

He doesn’t move to hug you since he’s not sure if that’s what you want right now, but he wants you to know that the offer is available to you. It’s obvious from his soft expression and the worried gleam in his eyes that he just wants to help you in any way he can.

As much as you hate the idea of him seeing you in such a pitiful state, his offer is too tempting to resist. When more horrible memories flash in your mind, you quickly move to embrace the younger boy, hugging him as tightly as you can as you bury your face in his shoulder.

Immediately, his arms wrap around you and hold you close. Remaining silent, Todoroki uses one of his hands to gently stroke your back in hopes of providing more comfort to you.

For awhile, the two of you remain in that position. Eventually, after you calm down and feel less like crying, you break the silence. “Thank you, Todoroki. I really needed that.”

His arms give you a gentle squeeze. “I’m glad I could help. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

A small smile forms on your lips as you pull away from him so you can meet his gaze. “No, it’s alright. You don’t have to do anything else. I’m sure after your midnight snack run that you’d like to head to bed and get some more sleep rather than stay up with me.”

Rather than release his hold on you like you expect, Todoroki tightens his grip on you, catching you off guard. Your surprise only grows when you see the small pout he’s now sporting. “So, you’re going to see Aizawa-sensei instead?”

Once your shock fades, the meaning behind his words register, causing your heart to melt. To think he’d actually get jealous of the fact that you always go to Aizawa for comfort when you have nightmares.

The corners of your lips lift higher as you move to softly tussle his two-toned locks. “It’s not because I prefer him over you. I just don’t want to bother you with my problems. It doesn’t seem right for a teacher to burden her students, especially over something as trivial as a nightmare.”

Todoroki frowns, “Anything that upsets you this much isn’t trivial, and you’re not burdening me. You always help me when I have problems, so it’s only right I do the same. That’s what people do when they care about someone, right?”

Warmth blossoms in your chest at his words. “That’s true.”

With a sigh, you press your forehead against his shoulder. “In that case, could you keep me company for a while? I don’t really feel like sleeping right now.”

He softly pats your back. “Of course. Would you like to sit down on the couch, or do you want to do some stress baking?”

An amused huff passes your lips at his question. “You know me so well. I could definitely benefit from some stress baking.”

After the two of you finally pull apart, Todoroki pulls out his phone, catching you by surprise since you weren’t expecting him to have it on hand. Maybe he likes to browse the internet while he snacks. “I’ll invite the others, so they can join us. I’m sure they wouldn’t want to be left out.”

Before you can tell him that that’s not necessary since you don’t want to wake any of the sleeping students, you notice that he’s sending the message to a group chat called “Y/N-sensei Protection Squad”, and you can’t help but snort in response. “Protection Squad, huh? Who all is in that group?”

Once he hits the send button, Todoroki replies, “Everyone in the class is a part of the squad, but this particular group chat is just for the members who are familiar with your past.”

Your eyes grow large. “Wait a minute. Then, that means…”

Shortly after those words leave your mouth, Bakugou, Midoriya, and Kirishima come storming out of the staircase near the elevators. While the latter two are wearing worried expressions, the former is scowling and looks like he’s ready to fight, making you wonder what exactly Todoroki typed in his message since you never got around to reading it due to being distracted by the group chat name.

Midoriya and Kirishima immediately run over to you while Bakugou observes his surroundings as if searching for an enemy he needs to fight. After giving you a quick once over, Midoriya frowns worriedly. “Are you okay, Sensei? Todoroki-kun said you needed our help. Did something happen?”

Kirishima dons a similar expression. “He said it was an emergency so it must be really bad. Whatever it is, we’ll do everything we can to help! You can count on us, Sensei!”

As expected of the sunshine children, the two boys do not disappoint. Unable to help yourself, you pull them both into a hug, making Midoriya flush while the redhead quickly moves to reciprocate the embrace. “I’m alright. I just had a nightmare and didn’t want to go back to sleep. Todoroki thought having more company would help me. I’m sorry for worrying you.”

While they both sigh in relief after hearing that you’re okay, Bakugou glares at Todoroki. “You bastard....Don’t go saying it’s a fucking emergency when it isn’t! You wanna die?!”

The stoic boy just tilts his head. “It’s not like I lied. Just see for yourself.”

His words puzzle you, but before you can question Todoroki about them, Bakugou suddenly stomps toward you, catching you by surprise. As you release your hold on Midoriya and Kirishima, the blond comes to a stop in front of you and studies your face for the next several seconds.

When he finally pulls his gaze away from you, Bakugou turns to look at Todoroki again. “I’ll let you live to see tomorrow. Be grateful, you bastard.”

Stoic expression never faltering, Todoroki just blinks, “Thanks.”

As you snort at the exchange, Kirishima grins at you. “So, what do you wanna do, Sensei? Make a pillow fort?”

At the words “pillow fort”, Todoroki’s eyes brighten. “Yes.”

Bakugou scowls, “What you want doesn’t fucking matter, Half-and-Half. This is about Sensei, remember?”

A smile forms on your lips. “A pillow fort sounds like a great idea, but first, I’d like to do a little stress baking. Any requests?”

Immediately, Todoroki and Kirishima reel off what they like while Midoriya shyly mentions a dessert he hasn’t had in awhile. Bakugou just rolls his eyes before saying that he refuses to bake anything super sweet.

In the end, you decide to make multiple desserts, so everyone will be happy. Not only that, it ensures that you’ll be able to keep yourself busy for awhile, meaning you’ll be able to avoid thinking about your horrible nightmare.

It’s not just the baking itself that keeps you distracted, however. The whole time you’re in the kitchen, the students take turns keeping you engaged in fun conversations.

Kirishima tells you about a movie he went to see recently with Tetsutetsu that, according to him, was the definition of manliness. Midoriya brings up what he’s recently added to his hero notebook and how he’d like your opinion on some of the observations he made regarding his classmates.

Every now and then, Todoroki chimes in with a pun or a meme, making you laugh every time. While he mostly remains silent except for the times he snaps at the others for making careless mistakes with their baking, Bakugou does eventually start talking to you about his training regimen which he’s considering adding onto and wants your input on much to your surprise.

Considering how much fun you’re having with your students, it’s like your nightmare didn’t even happen. While your eyes and hands are still red, it would be hard for anyone to think anything is wrong after seeing the large smile you’re now sporting.

Just goes to show that no foe is a match for your students, not even the haunting memories of a past best left forgotten.

#TABF #TABF post scene #my writing #todoroki shouto #midoriya izuku #kirishima eijirou #bakugou katsuki #I expect lots of screaming over this lol XD #if you're wondering if fortune will ever tell them about the nightmare #it will happen eventually #but for now she'd rather not talk about it #even to aizawa #kirishima was the one who created the protection squad group chat #that chat is just used if they're worried about fortune #and think something is going on related to her past #otherwise they just use the class group chat #since everyone is in the fortune protection squad haha #shinsou isn't in the group chat kirishima made at this point in time #but he'll be added soon enough #that's why he doesn't appear #cause you know he would if he knew she was in trouble #y'all can ask questions about the memory in this drabble #but I can't promise I'll answer everything ;)

86 notes · View notes

frossen-fantasi · 4 years

Text

Part 2 of 4 - The Reckoning

As always, this charades game was hosted by Sven the reindeer.

There was tension between the sisters, which seemed to go unnoticed by Kristoff, but it was commented upon with quick, sly remarks by Olaf.

Such an almost continuous stream of words rolled out of his mouth that no one really seemed to follow them, with perhaps the exception of the reindeer Sven who at times looked down at him with curiousity or irritation - with an obvious attraction to that big carrot.

Kristoff acted out sliding a ring onto a hand, self-hugging, and two people angrily pointing fingers at each other quarreling. Anna guessed “sisters,” which Olaf noticed. It wasn’t guessed correctly by anyone, but turned out to be “Marriage.”

Olaf bounded out in front of everyone, laughed and pulled a slip of paper. Quickly he ran around shaking a hand-branch at them. The little snowman was joyfully bouncy and acted out like he was one, then two people talking to each other, switching quickly from side-to-side. He pointed to Elsa’s hand, next the floor, then jumped straight up and down. Lots of wildly random guesses totally missed the mark, and no one got Olaf’s answer, which was “Breaking the ice.”

Elsa elegantly placed her first draw back into the basket, being stared at by Sven shaking his head in disapproval. For her second draw, Elsa made heart-shaped motions in the air with her hands, which Olaf guessed correctly as “Love.”

Anna started out making the same love-symbol by shaping her hands and body, but went on to holding hands, hopping up and down, making a silly duck face, and twirling around, holding out her arms and letting her skirt swing to a hoop, which turned out to be “Sisters.”

And so went their game on into the night, until it was Olaf’s bedtime - and for that reason it was also everyone else’s.

Elsa still had the parents’ bedroom as her own, so that was where she went, but it wasn’t long before Anna joined her, in a very cute nightgown with a big bow on it.

Elsa noticed the nightgown Anna was wearing. She flustered and blushed profusely.

“Wow, Anna. You look, great.”

She wasn’t sure if she should put her gaze on Anna’s beloved face, that darling nightgown, or the lovely bow slightly loose around her cleavage. Stop staring! she thought. That’s why she ended up scanning up and down between her face and the dress. Hum… is it the nightgown? This realization struck her like electricity passing through her body.

The last time she saw Anna in nightwear... it was usually something cute and comfy. But her style and Elsa’s were a little different. This one was a little more wide-neck, a little bit more… coquette fashion.

“Found something you like?” Anna’s tone was almost teasing.

“I – where in the world did you find that nightgown?” Elsa looked away, pretending to smoothen out the bedsheet. Anna shrugged and got under the covers.

“A lady gave it to me as a gift. She said it’s for my husband to be. I don’t know why she said that. Do you like it? This bow can literally be untied.

Come here.”

Anna lifted the covers and gestured for Elsa to get under them along with her.

“I see. It’s for Kristoff then.” Elsa’s jaw was set and frost crawled from her hands. She laid her head on her pillow, keeping her distance from Anna.

Anna giggled, “I’m just teasing, but I’m glad you like it. You’re always wearing beautiful gowns and dresses.” There was a brief pause and Elsa could see the shift in her sister’s eyes. They looked forlorn. “You look good in everything.”

Elsa could feel her face warm. Luckily it was dim enough in the room that Anna couldn’t notice… she hoped.

“You always look lovely yourself, Anna.”

Anna’s gaze still hinted sadness, but this soon washed away as she playfully replied “Oh please.”

“Tell me more –” she said in a dramatically gaudy tone, her eyes widening with a curious intensity, making a dramatic pose out from the sheets. Elsa laughed holding her hand to her mouth, and shook her head. Anna decided to scoot closer, remembering how it is to be with her sister and not the fifth spirit who was never home. “Mmm, your smile is always so bright, no matter what you put on, your smile always shines like a sunflower.” Anna smiled and shifted again, getting comfortable as if a child listening intently to a story.

Elsa laid her head down on a pillow again, meeting with Anna’s eye, eyes to eyes now. “And there are your eyes,” the older sister said, quieting and deepening her voice, “Anyone who sees them knows how gentle yet strong you are.” Anna breathed in, and her smile slightly loosened as her full attention was on Elsa. Her eyes did sparkle with joy. Elsa made the mistake of glancing down when she noticed Anna’s chest rise. That damn bow… she looked back up, “Freckles.”

Elsa swiftly recovered her composure, “Yours… “ Elsa paused, suddenly without realizing her own hand was grazing Anna’s cheek. “They’re like little stars kissed all over your face, or how autumn leaves look when they fall.” Elsa felt herself trailing off, as if wanting to say more, but nothing came. She mumbled into silence. The freckles that had hypnotized her and bewitched her hand to them, she now noticed, were washed with a warm pink. She looked back at Anna, who was blushing. She was blushing?… oh…

Anna tilted her head down, nervously playing with her fingers. The words from Elsa’s tender lips were too sweet, they made her heart beat. She wondered if Elsa could hear the rhythm pulsating under her skin, feeling hot air breathing on her hair. Anna looked up and met Elsa’s bright blue eyes. Elsa was gazing at her. Elsa reached over and placed a finger outstretched under her sister’s chin, then leaned in while pulling her face closer. Her heart was pumping her blood so rapidly that she felt dizzy like she was going to explode. She jerked away.

“S… So, are you going to tell me what you were thinking about when you made that ice barrier earlier today?”

“I don’t know, Anna, I… “ the Queen regally turned her head to the side and pursed her lips, making a profile that reminded Anna of a painting of a goddess. “I wanted to ride in here and make you so happy... make sure that you would be mine.”

I’m yours. You’ll be mine. Anna was no stranger to these sentences. She had read hundreds of thousands of novels in those void years without Elsa’s company. Countless times she had imagined her Prince Charming would come for her and save her from the emptiness. She was always the energetic one, bright, optimistic, fun and chatty. The description of Anna of Arendelle – and she couldn’t deny it. Ironically, people seemed to forget that light always comes with shadow. How many nights she felt so lonely in the grand library, reading her book alone, wondering if she would ever have a chance to meet The One? She imagined kissing the love of her life, the love who was hers, the one who would never leave her alone. So, if her sister said so, does that mean she would be the one holding her hand, loving her unconditionally, kissing her… She was shocked. She imagined her sister kissing her. Even more to her surprise, she didn’t feel at all against this idea.

However, there was a slight problem if she wanted to pursue Elsa. Kristoff.

She was engaged to the guy, and even now she couldn’t believe she even said yes. Did she really love him, really? More than she loved Elsa?

No, thought Anna, no.

Her love for Elsa was immeasurable. But then, why did she say yes to the second guy who proposed to her? Now that Anna thought about it, she felt heartbroken. She remembered the heavy grief of when she believed Elsa had gone too far and drowned.

Then the elated happiness of the moment she saw Elsa galloping towards her and then so gracefully unmounted from the water horse, and their eyes locked again.

She was so ecstatic and then Kristoff proposed, and she said yes because how could she say no in a moment of such unprecedented happiness. It was an extreme situation, and she said yes, but mostly she was happy about Elsa’s return - it was not really because of Kristoff that she was so overjoyed.

Dread crept onto Anna’s chest. Had she made a mistake for the second time?

It had been months since the forest was freed, and yet the idea of marriage with Kristoff had not crossed Anna’s mind very much, besides wondering if she actually should. Maybe this was because now she was Queen and had a lot of duties, but then again she could have someone do the planning. She frowned, which did not go unnoticed by Elsa. “Anna? Are you okay? Look, I’m so sorry for saying weird things like that. Please forget I said it,” she expressed in a bit of a panic.

“Elsa, we need to talk,” Anna uttered with a seriousness. Elsa looked at her, patiently waiting for her to continue.

“When you said you want me to be yours, do you really mean it?”

Elsa panicked more. She wasn’t sure why she said that. All the abnormal feelings that she experienced today for the first time in forever. The excitement she felt on her way to Arendelle, the warmth she perceived when Anna was hugging her, the anger she lashed out when Anna was leaving her alone there, the pain and bitterness she went through when she saw Kristoff kissing her cute little Anna. With Anna, it was always joyfulness and love. That was why she didn’t quite understand those negative feelings in her today. She was riding an emotional roller coaster, all different types of feelings were exaggerated. Not that she was really a master of concealing her emotions, but years of practice should have made her better than this.

Uncertain as she was, she still nodded yes.

“So, before we talk, I want you to kiss me.” Anna spoke out firmly.

Elsa’s mind was reeling.

Anna asked her to kiss her. Kiss Anna, her sister, her sister toward whom she was having a not-so-sisterly feeling. “W-What? A-Anna! What in Skadi’s name… What?!” Elsa gaped as her heart beat erratically, as if it was about to explode inside her. Her usual pale cheeks were dusted with shades of red. Her breathing became labored.

“I need you to kiss me. Now.” Anna almost pleaded, and moved into Elsa’s personal space. Little hands behind her back, she stretched up onto her toes toward Elsa’s mouth in expectation.

Elsa recoiled as Anna advanced. Her powers started to go haywire as the entire expanse of wall near them covered with frost. No Anna, No. Elsa was not ready for this. Nowhere near ready for such intimacy between them, especially as she was still trying to figure out her feelings. What if Anna wanted something more than simply being sisters? Would that intrude between her and Kristoff?

Elsa pressed her hands against Anna’s shoulders, holding her back. “Anna.” Her mind swirled with all the possibilities of how this could play out, and if this was what she chose, how it would affect their relationship, with everyone. What if she denied Anna, and Anna, embarrassed, would no longer want to see her? What if she was just confusing her happiness with, with this?! What if – “Elsa” the small quiet voice silenced Elsa’s running thoughts. She brought her worried eyes to her sister’s.

She could feel something swelling behind Anna’s calm expression. Something desperate, fighting and wild. But Anna was taming it. “I need to know… if this is what… I want, and if you can decide…” Elsa held her breath, “if you want it too, or if you want to leave.” A sober sadness washed over them both. Frost was still plastered over the wall behind Elsa, and time seemed to stop.

For the first time in a long time, Elsa herself felt frozen. The air was still and chilled from her powers, but this same air soon would be filled with Anna’s warm breaths as she again drew closer to her sister. Elsa wished she could freeze time itself to hold it still, but her eyes led her in another way as they trailed to Anna’s cute freckles, then her soft lips, the same color as Elsa’s own.

“Anna, I still love you as a sister,” Elsa thought, unable to pull the words into being. Their heads rested on the other now.

“But… “

Nose to nose

“But for some reason, I… “

The space between them became undeniably close.

“I don’t want you to stop this either.”

Elsa could no longer feel the tight pounding in her heart, lost by the soft warmth of Anna’s lips on hers. It was warm and felt more like home than she ever would have expected. Well, she never would have expected this. Anna’s flowery scent was making Elsa let go of a breath she had not realized she had been holding for so long.

Anna’s kiss was not tantalizing nor greedy, it was warm and gentle… purely honest and sweet. The frost slowly began to melt away from the wall behind them. Hands that had held and clenched Anna’s shoulders now began to loosen their grip. Elsa had a choice to make now. Anna was ready and waiting for her to decide.

“Open your eyes, Elsa,” Anna said sincerely. Elsa didn’t realize she had her eyes shut tightly when they kissed. Slowly she opened her eyelids, and all her sensation gradually came back to her.

Candlelight reflected on Anna’s face. Anna was gazing at her like there was nothing else in the world.

Anna used her thumb to stroke Elsa’s lip gently. With a soft but warm smile, she muttered “How do you feel?”

“I feel like you were made for me.”

“Well, we are two sides of the same bridge,” Anna glanced down, tucking hair behind her ear. She looked back at Elsa with a sideways glance, “Right?”

Elsa gushed and felt blissfully happy. Somehow now in balance. She petted her sister’s arm and let her know “I love you.” “I love you more!” was the quick response.

They held both hands to hands, and gazed into each other’s eyes. Anna giggled, and Elsa giggled too.

Then Elsa picked up a pillow, squished it a bit, and challenged her sister to a pillow fight. “Are you up for it, Anna?”

#ContStory

8 notes · View notes

lovemesomesurveys · 4 years

Text

● Name something you lost or gave away that can never be replaced. A lot of time wasted. “I wasted my time...” ● What 5 websites do you visit often, and why? Tumblr, YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, and Pinterest. ● Name a totally useless possession and how you came to acquire it. Some would consider knickknacks and collectibles and stuff useless, and I mean yeah they just sit on a shelf, but I like stuff like that. ● What music album would be used for a movie about your life? I don’t know. ● List your bad habits and/or addictions and what you have tried to rid yourself of them. I got a lot of bad habits. As for addictions, caffeine and my pain medicine. I don’t abuse it, I take it as prescribed, but after so long your body develops a dependency. I remember several years ago I tried to cut out caffeine. It lasted a couple days, I think. haha. The headaches are no joke.

● If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be, and what would you do if later on you changed your mind? There’s a long list of things I’d want to change, but I mean if I could have good health (mentally and physically) that would make a big difference. I think some other changes would follow. I can’t imagine I’d ever change my mind about that. ● What are your religious beliefs? Have they changed, or have they always stayed the same? I’m a Christian now. Up until 4 years ago I was atheist and then agnostic. ● When was your last food craving, and what did you crave? I’ve been wanting Doritos tacos from Taco Bell lately. ● Who was your first crush and what made them special? This kid named Philip when I was in 3rd grade. He was a grade or two above me. He and I were turning the jump rope for people during this event my elementary school had every year called, Jump Rope for Heart. It was to get people active and raise awareness. Anyway, he was across from me holding the other end of the rope and I just thought he was cute haha. ● Name your most cherished childhood memory. I have a lot of those. I loved my childhood. It wasn’t without struggle or obstacles, but for some reason those things aren’t what stand out the most. I was a strong, resilient kid. Kid me would be so ashamed of how weak I am now. ● Turn to an entry in your journal or diary from a year or more ago. What has changed and what has stayed the same since then? I don’t feel like looking back on old surveys right now. ● What is one thing nobody knows about you because nobody ever cared to ask? Hmm. ● Robert Frost write a poem titled The Road Not Taken. Name a road you’ve always wanted to travel. Where do you hope it takes you, and what might you see on the way? Wait, literally or metaphorically? I mean, metaphorically I’d like to take the road that takes me to working on myself and leading to some happiness and success. That’d be nice. ● Name one thing you always wanted to do, but haven’t. What has prevented you from doing it? Uhh there’s a lot of things. I feel like I’ve wasted so much time in my life each passing year. I’m just wasting away. I want to just...live. Travel more. Do something with my life. My physical health has been a contributing factor, but ultimately it’s me. It’s my mental health. That affects me more than anything else. ● Write about your first kiss. Was it everything you wished or hoped it would be? It happened behind the drama department at my high school. It unexpected and awkward, but it was my first kiss so it was all I knew. I was so giddy about having had my first kiss it didn’t matter haha. ● What was the worst mistake or decision you have ever made in life? What could you have done differently? Oh jeez. I have a lot of regrets. One that weighs heavily on me in recent years relates to my health. I’m very stubborn. I should have taken better care of myself. I should have neglected certain things. Some things don’t just go away, they get worse. And here I am, still not taking care of myself like I should be. Each passing year... ● What song was stuck in your head recently, and what were you doing at the time that made you think of it? I Love Me by Demi Lovato. I just really like the song.

● Write about something you now know that you wish you knew earlier in life. How could this knowledge have helped you? Just going back to the big thing that’s been weighing heavily on my mind these past few years that I talked about up there. ● Write about your greatest fear. Death, losing loved ones, never getting better/getting worse, and never doing anything with my life. ● Name one thing you feel brings out the good in people. Hmm. ● Describe a time in your life when everything turned out fine, despite the odds. I mean, there have been some times where things turned out to be not as bad as I thought they would be. ● If you invented a device that could fix one problem you are facing right now, would you use it? What problem would you like to solve? I’ve talked about it enough. ● Write about the last time you spoke to your best friend. What did you talk about? Last night when my mom got home from work. She was just telling me about stuff that happened at work and the latest Coronavirus news. It’s a wild time right now. All the cancellations of events, school campuses closing, and empty shelfs because people are stockpiling on hand sanitizer, face masks, and toilet paper. Italy is quarantined. I’ve never witnessed anything like this. ● Describe a time you felt alone. I feel that way a lot. I don’t spend a lot of time physically alone, but I still feel alone a lot. ● Name something you found; what was it and where did you find it? Uhh earlier I found a new ASMR channel on YouTube to watch haha. ● What’s on your calendar for tomorrow? I have a doctor appointment. ● What is the most annoying sound you have ever heard? Eating sounds make my skin crawl. ● Describe your first job. I’ve never had one. ● What is the one thing you cannot live without? Besides oxygen, food, and water; my family. And coffee. That doesn’t get lumped into food or water, coffee gets its own honorable mention. ● Quote the nicest thing anyone has ever said about you. Lane said I was strong, beautiful, brave, and rocked red hair like nobody’s business. :D ● Are you afraid of the dark? Why or why not? I can’t sleep if it’s completely dark or quiet, which is why I sleep with the TV on. I’d be scared if the electricity went out and it was dark if I was home alone. I wouldn’t go anywhere alone at night. Even with with someone I’m heightened alert. ● Describe the longest amount of time you have ever been away from home. A week. ● Write about a recent adventure or travels. I went to Disneyland for a few days last month. It was awesome. ● Who did you idolize growing up? My mom and grandma. And some celebrities at the time that were around my age like Hilary Duff. ● Name a celebrity or famous person you wish would take you out on a date. Alexander Skarsgard. ● Describe your daily routine when you get out of bed in the morning. Take my medicine, use the restroom, have coffee. ● Name one thing you have always been good at doing. Jumping to the worst case scenarios. ● What is your favorite season, and why? Fall and winter. I love the weather, the clothes, the scents, the holidays, and just the coziness of it all. ● What was the title of the last book you read? I’m currently reading, “The Girl That Vanished” by A.J. Rivers. It’s the sequel to, “The Girl in Cabin 13.” ● List your biggest regrets. I talked about one of them already. That’s enough for today. ● Have you ever seen a ghost? No. ● Describe your note-taking style and habits. Bullet points, underlining, asterisks, and highlighting. ● Do you believe that we are all here for a reason? What might the reason be? Yes. You have to figure that out for yourself, we all have a different purpose. I’m still trying to figure mine out. ● What comes to mind when someone uses the phrase prolonging the magic? I’ve never heard that phrase. ● Have you ever done something just to feel the danger, or to feel alive? Drinking, smoking weed, and taking a ride in a truck at night on a backroad at night near a levee. That was scary, but definitely an adrenaline rush. ● What is your favorite cliché? Actions speak louder than words. ● What are all your thoughts on god? I believe in God. ● How do rainy days make you feel? I love rainy days. I do the same things I do any other day, but it’s just cozy. The sound is relaxing. ● What is the most amount of money you have had at one time? A couple grand. ● Write a celebrity crush list. Alexander Skarsgard. ● What is the most amazing thing you have ever seen, heard, or experienced? I couldn’t pick just one thing. ● What effect does music have on you? It can perk me up, it can give me a little energy if I need to clean, it can make me sad, it can make me zone out, it can make me relax. ● What did you learn today? What did you learn yesterday? Uhhh. ● What 5 traits do people first notice when they meet you for the first time? I’m sure the very first thing they notice is I’m in a wheelchair. Then probably how thin I am. Then perhaps my hair and my black rimmed glasses. Maybe my freckles. ● Have you ever carved your name or initials into a tree or stone? No. ● Does Never Never Land really exist? No, sadly. “Cause Neverland is home, to lost boys like me...” ● Where is a great place to get breakfast? This local place that’s known more for their burgers, fries, and shakes, but actually have bomb breakfast, too. I love their country gravy. ● List 3 things that went right (or wrong) today. It’s only 2 in the morning, but so far I had ramen, I’m finishing up my Starbucks Doubleshot energy drink, and I’m watching/listening to an ASMR video. Not a bad start, but we’ll see how the rest of the day goes... I have a doctor appointment later that I’m not looking forward to. Afterwards my mom and I are going grocery shopping and I’ll probably pick up Wingstop on the way home. It’s been hot lately and I’ve had a nagging headache the past couple days, so I hope that isn’t the case today. ● What is the best method of travel, and in what ways have you traveled? Car and plane. ● If you could give the world just one thing, what would it be? Peace. ● What were your best and worst subjects in school or college? English throughout school, with the addition of psychology in college. My worst was always math. I struggled with science, too. Philosophy was really fucking hard. ● Describe the most outrageous thing anyone has dared you to do. I haven't really been dared to do anything too outrageous. ● Ice cream: chocolate, vanilla, or strawberry? Strawberry, but vanilla is good as well. ● What historical events happened the year you were born? Ted Bundy was electrocuted. ● Pick up a random object that has special meaning to you and describe it in as much detail as possible. I’m on my bed and there’s 2 giraffe stuffed animals, one is a big squishy one. I love all my giraffe stuffed animals, which there are a LOT of. ● Write about a recent visit to a museum or art gallery. I visited a Walt Disney museum a couple years ago. It was really cool. ● What food items do you consider staples in a well-balanced diet? I’m the wrong person to ask about well balanced diets. Well balanced for me is Wingstop, ramen, this pizza from my favorite local pizza place, scrambled eggs, and coffee. haha. ● Describe your feelings in regards to an issue in todays society, and what would be done to fix it. I talked about the coronavirus, which is a big issue and hot topic currently, and my feelings to it already. ● If you had only one wish, what would you wish for? Cures for all diseases. ● If you could tell the world just one thing, what would you say? Wash your hands! ● Share a dirty little secret about yourself (or someone else). Nah. ● Have you ever gone skinny dipping? Noooo. ● Name something you would like to devote more time to seeing or doing. I need to devote time to taking care of myself and taking some necessary steps. ● What is the name of your favorite book, magazine, or publication? I have too many favorite books. ● Describe your first car. I’ve never had my own car. I don’t drive. ● Thunderstorms… Inspiring or scary? I love them.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

4 notes · View notes

art-of-slither · 5 years

Text

The Felix Felicis Factor Pt. 2

When we last left our examination of Dr. Richard Wiseman's fabulous book The Luck Factor, we talked about how Lucky Poeple have a knack for Maximising their Chance Opportunities.

Today we'll have a look into Dr. Wiseman's second luck principle which states that "Lucky People listen to their lucky hunches".

Do you remember when Harry took a sip of Felix Felicis and suddenly he knew, he just happened to know what to do, where to go, what to say, how to act, and such and such that he ended up achieving the mission Dumbledore gave him?

Well! Turns out that Rowling was right on the money, that I was not crazy and delusional, and that there might be something deeper inside what we call Intuition.

Dr. Wiseman explains Intuition

Apparently, what we call Intuition is just our brains picking out stuff and patterns we are familiar with. Things that remind us of something else calls us, we feel pushed to them, we picked them up unconsciously. So pur brain keeps making connections until it offers us clues. This is but an interpretation of it. It doesn't explain how sometimes you just know something happened that occured far away, for example. But it does explain why you feel a pull towards an option that tend to be the correct answer or choice: your brain caught whiff of the subtle hints and you feel the pull towards what's right.

Again, I think Gratitude helps you enhance your Intuition. It did for me once!

Lucky People:

They listen to their gut feeling and hunches. Dr Wiseman present cases of people that suffer "chronic bad luck". Every single time, said person would confess that they had a hunch about something, but decided to ignore it every time and ended up in terrible situations. Dr Wiseman tells us that "Without realising it, we all prefer things that we have seen before". This is the basis of our hunches, we all have them, but Lucky people follow them and act upon them with conviction every time. Gratitude: I think gratitude relaxes you enough to listen to your truest hunches. After the magic I experienced during my late teens went out with a whimper, I tried unsuccessfuly following my intuition. That led me into bad decisions until I just stopped trusting my intuition altogether. But now I think that gratitude helps with relaxing you, gives you confidence, writes a new script for your brain to follow like a hound dog no matter where your are to reach for all good stuff: things you brain now knowd tjey will bring you happiness and give you a reason to keep feeling grateful. This leads me to the second lucky habit that Dr Wiseman writes about...

They take steps to boost intuition. Dr Wiseman swears by meditation, which is a well-known good practice for anyone, regardless of their objectives. It is also not for every one. Nevertheless, what meditation ultimately does is reigning in your monkey brain, to sooth it and stop it from jumping all over the place. In time, your brain stops being filled to the brim with worries and useless thoughts and helps you notice opportunities and act on your hunches. Gratitude: I did not meditated during High School, I just walked from home to school and viceversa feeling Gratitude and appreciation all the time. I stand by what I said earlier: that gratitude calms you down enough, brakes the spell of anxiety that traps you inside your own mind and finally (sometimes literally) lets you smell the roses, take in the good stuff that is right in front of you, the good that happened and the good that is waiting for you at your destination. Once in your destination you just don't have time for petty problems, negative chatter, negative gossip, you are just there savoring the good that present to you all day. So when it comes down to listening to that helpful voice inside you, there is no interference and the connection is made.

Thanks for reading my stuff! There are still two more luck principles to discuss and I will get to them pretty soon.

Til next time!

#GratitudeMagic #grattitude #gratitude #law of attraction #laws of universe #magick #pop culture magick #magic #witchlife #witchcraft #witchblr #witches #baby witch #witchythings #lumos

11 notes · View notes

thebellwitchblog · 6 years

Text

Some Things I Feel the Need to Address in Fandom

Hello there! I’ve been in fandom for a long time and as such have witnessed it evolve into what it is today. I wasn’t around during the times when people feared Anne Rice and her lawyers, but I did pop into the scene soon after when the horror was still fresh in everyone’s minds, and I’ve been around in some capacity ever since. Fandom has always always had problems that needed addressing, and that’s what I intend to do in this post. Yes, there are plenty of posts just like this one floating around Tumblr and other sites where fandom gathers, even in the author’s notes of fanfiction where disclaimers once stood.

All fandoms across the board have the same problems, some more so than others, but the same general themes show up. Of course depending on the canon material there are more problems of certain types than others, but really most problems stem from one thing: People are trying to police how others experience fandom.

What do I mean by this? Well, simply put, select people are trying to decide what is and isn’t acceptable for other people to do in fandom. This goes beyond educating about polite ways to interact with each other and straight into deciding what is or isn’t okay to headcanon or ship.

The major problem with this is that fandom arose from people that were passionate about some creative work or another and wanted to share this passion with others, even if they didn’t agree on certain aspects what bound them together was their shared love for the source material. There have always been ship wars and discourse in the communities, but here within the last few years, particularly here on Tumblr, these have gotten out of hand.

It is perfectly fine to disagree about who should be paired together, to disagree over headcanons and how characters should be remade. It’s okay to disagree, but once disagreements become demonization and a toxic us vs them ideology then fandom becomes a dangerous place. I’ve witnessed all out vicious wars on here over things like shipping a 17 year old with someone in their mid-20s. This isn’t okay.

Fanon is literally anything you want it to be. That’s why it isn’t canon. Fanon is taking the canon and changing it up as much as you would like until it’s perfectly suited for you. Do you ship these two characters? Great now they’re together in your fanon. Do you think this character gives off major ace vibes? Well guess what! They’re ace! In your fanon. Your fanon does not under any circumstances get to invalidate someone else’s. Let me repeat that one more time, but bolded. Your fanon does not, under any circumstances, get to invalidate someone else’s.

So far I’ve talked in really general terms, but now I’m going to address some more specific things I’ve seen. Again, these aren’t about any specific fandom, but specific problems I’ve seen people fighting over in multiple fandoms.

Shipping minors with adults. This is, not gonna lie, a very very iffy area and it comes up a lot. Whether or not this is okay is dependent on the age gap. NOT the age gap in the canon work, but rather the age gap in your fanon. What do I mean by this? Well, let’s say a character in canon is 21 and you’re wanting to draw them with another character that’s maybe 15 in canon. How could this be made remotely okay? Easy! Age up the younger or de-age the older enough that they’re within an acceptable age gap. This sort of stuff has existed in fandom since the dawn of fandom. It’s really nothing new. Note: This is not pedophilia! Pedophilia, by definition, is a chronophilia (sexual attraction to individuals within a specific stage of life), and mental illness, characterized by the sexual attraction to pre-pubescent children, which the DSM-5 includes up to age 13, by adults. Even without changing the ages, a 15 year old being shipped with a 21 year old is not pedophilia. It is Hebephilia or, more likely, Ephebophilia depending on whether the 15 year old is experiencing puberty or just after it and what definition of the two you reference as these have not been formally included as a mental illness as of yet and thus do not have an agreed upon age range, but regardless 14 and 15 year olds do not fall in the range of pedophilia.

Shipping canonically non-het characters in het relationships. This is what we’ve been doing all along with cishet characters this entire time, guys. Literally probably 90% of slash/femslash (oh geez are these terms even used anymore? I think I’m showing my age) is two canonically heterosexual characters being shipped in a pretty gay relationship. Granted this usually happens because there wasn’t a lot of representation, but now that representation is growing it’s to be expected that people are going to do the same with the LGBT characters. This goes right back to what I touched on earlier in this post- let everyone experience fandom like they want. Note: It is not homophobic to ship a non-het character with someone of the opposite gender just like it’s not heterophobic to ship two het characters in a gay relationship. This especially goes for characters that we don’t know their sexuality specifically we just know that they’re non-het.

Feeling like the creators of the source work owe you something. This one isn’t something you see outright stated a lot, but it’s evident in how people act towards animation studios, authors, etc. Whenever something doesn’t go how people want it to in the canon, then people practically riot and threaten the creators- even the voice actors and actors will get hate from fans when they don’t have any, or very minimal, control over where the story goes. Yes, you can get upset over what happens in the canon and get worked up, but when it gets to threats and absolute chaos? Especially when it’s just a rumor? That’s not okay anymore. That’s when it gets toxic. We have headcanons and fanon for a reason. It’s there so that if the canon material goes completely opposite of what you’d like you can still have that perfect ending. That’s a large part of why we have fanworks.

Other Problematic Ships. Policing ships isn’t always due to age gaps. I’ve witnessed it with canonically abusive characters a lot, for instance. Regardless of why a ship is “problematic” there is no excuse for telling someone they cannot ship it. Not only does this fall back to the whole “Let everyone experience fandom how they want” ideology I’ve brought up on multiple occasions throughout this post, but also they can interpret this ship however they want. People disregard canon a lot in fandom, so why is this any different? More often than not the character isn’t abusive in their fanon no matter what the canon might say. Even if the character is still abusive in the ship, that doesn’t mean they’re not allowed to ship it. I’ve talked to some people where these ships were an honest to god coping mechanism for them after they got out of an abusive relationship. Note: This does not make it okay to romanticize abuse.

These next few points aren’t specific to fandom but instead Tumblr as a whole that are a huge problem in fandom as well.

Echochambers. Tumblr, and social media in general, is notorious for this. People surround themselves with like-minded people and block anyone that even slightly differs from their opinions. Why is this a bad thing? Because when we’re surrounded by the same viewpoints our viewpoint narrows. A lot. And misinformation spreads faster and is harder to get rid of. Not to mention other problems such as nurturing an us vs them ideology. Things get blown out of proportion, people become unable to cope with opposition, and it’s just not a good time for anyone involved.

Callout Culture. Callout posts are so so so common that it is honestly overwhelming. If you’ve been on this site and actively posting for any length of time, you’ve probably been called out by someone for some perceived crime against humanity. Whether or not you actually committed this crime, or if this “crime” is actually worth the backlash, you’re now blacklisted by a varying number of people depending on how many followers the person has. Congratulations! Crimes can be, but are certainly not limited to: - reblogging a post from someone you didn’t know was some vile creature in human clothing (whether they actually are one or not doesn’t matter. What matters is they’re considered one). - you used a term you had no earthly idea was a slur. No slap on the wrist for you, you’re going straight to the gallows. - posting fanart of a ship someone considers problematic (see two prime examples above!) Why is Callout Culture such a problem? It demonizes and turns entire communities against someone for minor mistakes or entirely bogus reasons in the first place. If someone makes a mistake they shouldn’t be blacklisted immediately; they should be informed of why what they did was wrong first and foremost and given the chance to change.

Holding Grudges. Please. I am begging you. Let. People. Grow. If someone says something years ago and then not only apologizes but proves they’ve changed? Let it go and move on. What is the point in insisting that people need to widen their views if you won’t let them live down a mistake they made beforehand? If they change then reward their efforts instead of holding their mistakes over their head. This goes for actors and actresses, directors, producers, people here on Tumblr, etc.

I could keep going and bring up even more problems, but honestly I’m tired. It’s time to wrap this up. tl;dr stop acting like you own fandom and let people do what they want. Let people ship what they want, headcannon what they want, etc etc etc. Fandom belongs to everyone and canon material belongs to the actual creator, not you. The only thing you own is the stuff that you make. Mind your own business, stay in your lane, and let things go every now and then. You’ll be a lot happier, I promise.

99 notes · View notes

ghoulstars · 6 years

Text

im only posting this bc i desperately need to exorcise this thought somewhere bc it wont fucking leave me alone

those of you who know me personally or follow my instagram know about this but for those of you who dont: in a horrible turn of events, our plan to put down our geriatric yellow labrador retriever dixie was unfortunately and unexpectedly doubled today to having to put down our 3 year old engam bulldog, bean, as well

when we got him in mid december, 2015 he was barely out of puppyhood, we found him wandering around near the highway at our local gas station with a collar and no tag, trying to jump into two out-of-towner girls’ car. my stepdad intervened bc they couldnt take bean with them obviously, and brought him home instead.

we put up lost dog flyers everywhere all over our very small city, in an attempt to maybe see if someone would indeed come forward for their dog. we knew he wasnt just a stray because of his collar.

almost right off the bat, we were told by a woman who worked at the gas station that there was a man who lived in the trailer park just across the road, located behind the pancake diner. you can see it from the gas station parking lot. she told us that he had a lot of dogs that he typically kept chained up outside in poor conditions, and beat them regularly. to us? it seemed totally reasonable that that must’ve been where bean came from, given the fact he was a dog and we found him literally less than 50 feet away from where this fucking man lived.

no one came forward to claim bean. we kept those flyers up for months, we only put them up to begin with knowing he may have been thrown out by (or escaped from) this disgusting man just because there was the possibility that it wasn’t his dog, but someone else’s. as well as the potential for legal intervention if this fabled abuser found out we had technically stolen his dog (and full disclosure, fuck him for what he does, i hope all his dogs get stolen like they need to be, i myself was not fond of the idea of just giving the dog back to this creep if he was indeed the owner but i was only 16 at the time so there wasnt much i could do)

with no one claiming bean, after those months passed, we decided that he was ours now. flyers were taken down, we gave him his collar and nametag, to be real he’d already been named by us in the first few days we had him. he was going to be ours no matter what; my mother always told me its a rule that if you name a stray, and do it quick before anyone can object to keeping it, it’s yours now. that’s your pet, with it’s new name.

so we carried on with our lives, now having not just one dog, but two. it was a bit iffy with my stepfather keeping bean since we didnt technically need to manage two dogs at the time, but we still did it anyways because we loved him, the little bean man.

but here’s where my problem lies and this is why im writing this now: as time went on and we continued to have bean as our pet, some stuff about the original suggestion that he belonged to an abusive older man who lived in close proximity to where we found bean wasnt adding up

due to dixie’s failing body, she would sometimes lose control of her bowels inside the house, which was becoming unacceptable when she stayed in overnight. so, she stayed outside. she and bean bonded, so they stayed outside together too. (and for clarity here, i know what some of you might want to say, but we knew very early on that bulldogs do not do well with heat or isolation. we also know that dixie probably shouldve been put down years ago, but here’s the trouble: my stepfather would not let us euthanize her. she is his dog technically, and the thought hurt him so much that he would not agree to it for YEARS. dixie and bean were too attached to separate them for long periods of time like they would be if we kept bean inside mostly and her outside mostly; that would’ve been cruel in its own special way. we put pools out for bean and visited with both dogs for as much as we could outside, bathed them, put fans out for them in the summer. our only option to give bean the main love and care he needed was, and of course we had other reasons to do this, to put dixie down, which was where we thought we were finally going to be by tomorrow, but thats not what happened, as you can tell)

as to be expected, bean sometimes found his way inside, mostly by applying his american bulldog traits to memorizing when unfamiliar guests would come over and bolt in the house. he did this enough times and very recently we were letting him stay inside instead of taking him back out, and all of these experiences combined, we noticed something: bean was housebroken. he was out of practice with it, and did not know very well how to communicate that he needed to go outside to use the bathroom, but he did know what to do. he would run to the door if he had to go, not always making it, but still, he was housebroken. he only marked furniture once while inside, in his entire lifespan thus far. that was a red flag to us, but especially my mother, who realized this skill of beans directly contradicted the statement that he was probably kept outside, chained up, starved, and beaten by the trailer park guy. not to mention, bean came to us in nearly perfect condition to begin with, just skinny. no patches of fur gone, he was the opposite of skittish and aggressive, no bruises, nothing. just a loving, bouncy, stupid bulldog mix

this, im not sure if im correct about this, but it stands out enough to me that i feel its worth mentioning: bean is not a mutt of any kind, and his breed contradicts those types of breeds most people who abuse animals come to own; usually large breeds, breeds inaccurately known for aggression, and breeds used by abusers to make aggressive bc they know the fighting power of these dogs (pitbulls, american bulldogs, etc). bean is an engam bulldog (english/american mix), which is a very obscure mixed breed dog to begin with and especially obscure where i live, and as we all know english bulldogs are short, stout, fat little things that can basically do no harm whatsoever. they also have a history of inbreeding to look how they do. i know this man may have just seen ‘bulldog’ and snagged him thinking he’d be aggressive, but that does not sit right with me for two other reasons: bean’s conformation (body structure) and coloration. there is nothing about bean that suggests he was bred to be used for fighting, or that he’s a true mutt, or anything of the sort. his body type literally resembles that of show dogs, and his fur coloration is highly unusual because he’s blue. obviously not literally blue but the type of blue-grey you can find in animals, typically seen in cats. bean’s coloration is almost NEVER found in ANY breed of bulldog, it is INCREDIBLY rare that he looks like this. his condition in which we found him, his housebrokenness, his color and his body formation lead, in me and my family’s opinion, to an alternative opinion: he belonged to someone that got him because they wanted a dog as a pet, not to beat, and they either bred him themselves or bought him (probably from a pet store or breeder) for his color and conformation.

but why would they dump a dog this valuable? my mom said this to me earlier, sobbing after she returned from the vet today, and this is my whole reason for writing this insane fucking novel of a post: whoever dumped bean threw out a sick puppy, and on purpose.

bean hasnt been injured or contracted an unvaccinated illness or anything like that. he had been experiencing extreme stomach distension for the past month, whereas he was losing weight everywhere else on his body. he had also been vomiting. but he wasnt depressed, or lethargic. maybe his personality was a little off but not so much it was horribly noticeable, and at that, he was still eating regularly everyday. we came to the conclusion he had parasites, though ive always been terrified something more serious was going on (i dont get listened to though).

as it turns out, i was right. mom took him in today, the day before dixie was set to be put down, for his deworming pills. what she got instead was a diagnosis of possible lung cancer. his blood work was normal, which is unusual in animals with cancer, but he still had nodules on his lungs that highly resembled cancer. his heart was also severely enlarged due to heartworms, and his stomach was so distended because it was full of fluid and blood. they did send his blood off for labs, but even if his lungs were fine, he was going to die anyway (they got a second opinion from another practice and they also agree it was probably cancerous). he has a 15% survival rate for only the very first heartworm treatment, which will cost $500. nothing lives very long with an enlarged heart to begin with. we don’t have that money, and for a treatment that will definitely kill him? i dont even know why he has so much blood and fluid in his digestive tract. bean, a dog who is only 3 or 4 years old, has an enlarged heart, lung tumors and fluid/blood all in his abdomen. the vet was apparently stunned that a dog this young could have this many potentially (and one definitely) fatal health problem(s).

i now fully believe that whoever owned him before knew he had all these issues, or that he was going to develop them. i think it makes sense. i also think they’re cheap, cruel fucks who didnt want to shell out that much money to take care of him, or pay to take him to a shelter/sanctuary, and so what did they do? they did what many people these days very regularly do when their new pet has become undesirable: they fucking dumped him on the side of the road and booked it. took his nametag off and everything, to make him look like a stray. they left him for some well meaning, animal loving family like mine to find him, not know anything about these preexisting health issues, and assume he’s healthy enough; maybe just needs a few more vaccinations and a worm and flea treatment. he showed no signs of lung cancer or heart problems in all his life up until this past month, and he’s still so young. i will even go as far as to say that he himself may be severely inbred, which could be the cause of these health issues. given his specific posture and color, and that he’s a bulldog, it’d make sense. it seems like he came from some kind of breeder to begin with anyway.

so now that ive said that and got it all out of the way, i want to leave an open letter to the hypothetical cunt that did this to us and bean:

i hope god fucking strikes you down where you stand. i hope every single day of your miserable fucking life, you think about where he ended up, if he’s still alive, if anyone found him, if he ever got hit by a car or died alone of cancer and heart failure in a field somewhere. i hope you feel guilt for leaving him knowing he’d develop cancer and that he had heart worms, and knowing you did it BECAUSE of that. i hope you never fucking forget about the fact that you threw an INNOCENT LITTLE PUPPY out on the highway because you just didnt want to have anything to do with his illnesses, and i hope one day you find out what you did to us and this innocent little boy. he’s such a good fucking dog, he is so patient, kind, loving and gentle, and when he has bursts of energy to play he fucking goes, and now he has to die barely halfway through his lifespan because of your fucking negligence. he is laying outside on the porch right now, uncomfortable with fluids and blood backing up his intestines, coughing and huffing just to try and breathe. at the very least, if he were taken to the right shelter, he couldve been fucking cared for and given treatments to extend his life as much as possible, or at least given hospice care for however long he could live, which has now been shortened to 3 or 4 years. if you yourself knew this dog was inbred or you inbred him yourself, fuck you. i hope you get run over by a fucking truck. this breed can live from 12-16 years, that’s a LONG time for a dog like him, and you had to fucking ruin it all because of your own fucking preferences; you wanted the perfect dog. and you could’ve had him if you’d grown a fucking heart and actually gave a shit about animals beyond how they look aesthetically; as well, if you fucking actually gave a shit about your animals HEALTH and wanted to maintain it instead of apparently assuming he’d just be fine and healthy with all his vaccinations and that’d be the end of it. you do not deserve to own an animal if you dont even want to acknowledge it will sometimes need medical care, how fucking heartless are you? we never had enough money to take care of dixie’s failing health, and we always knew it’d be better to put her down, but my stepdad kept refusing. you had enough money to fucking breed or buy a blue show-quality engam bulldog and you still wouldnt fucking care for him after you found out what problems he had. fuck you. eat shit and die. i hope you never find peace from the guilt of knowing you fucking killed what became our dog because you’re selfish. my mother is physically sick with grief. i am physically sick with grief. i feel so bad that it’s as if i have the fucking flu. i was trying to talk with my mother about this situation earlier and i had to rush to leave because i felt like i was about to throw up if i didnt. everyone in this house has cried so much today it’s disgusting.

the only thing good about this is that bean came along for dixie when she needed him most, and became her helper and provider, giving her company and being a literal post to lean on for when she couldnt see where she was going. they’re going over the rainbow bridge tomorrow morning together, and in a way, this is probably the best outcome. at least bean wont have to grieve. dixie can see her old companion again (who died from a ruptured tumor in 2014) and bean can meet him, and they can all play and be together in that field in the sky.

my family will never have another dog again because of this pain this has caused us.

#personal #probably dont delete this #dont open this if youre sensitive to animal cruelty and death please #and vulgar descriptions of internal illness in dogs #and emetophobia #dont rb

3 notes · View notes

surveys-at-your-service · 6 years

Text

Survey #154

“the wind is screaming, it’s screaming your name; it sounds like fear.”

What is your opinion on sex without emotional commitment? nononononoNONONONO. Last time you puked from drinking? Never. What books, if any, have made you cry? Johnny Got His Gun, Old Yeller, The Outsiders (I think; I know the movie did), The Notebook, uhhh others, I'm sure. Does it get annoying when somebody says they’ll call you, but doesn’t? It depends on the person, but honestly, almost never. I hate talking on the phone. What is your favorite simple ice-cream flavor? Usually vanilla, but sometimes I'm all about chocolate, especially if I can't put chocolate syrup on it. When was the last time you slept on the floor? Jeez, probably when me and Jason did at my house. I've slept on an inflatable mattress since, but I'm guessing you mean literally on the floor with blankets and such. If you could eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? I dunno. I doubt it really, but don't potatoes have all the nutrients you actually need to survive? If so, then probably that, but otherwise, uh. I dunno, I'd get tired of things or die 'cuz I'm not getting what I need. I could say shakes, but I consider those drinks. Have you ever given someone oral sex? Yeah, fucking hated it. I'm bi, yes, but visually, penises are disgusting to me. I don't want it in my mouth. I only ever really did it to make him happy. I'm open to trying it with a girl, but who knows if I'd like it. What's your favorite lyric from the last song you listened to? "Hey, hey, NRA, how many kids did you kill today?" ("Shelter In Place" by Otep) Are you friends with someone that has a baby? My best friend does. How many different towns/cities have you lived in? Three. Have you ever had a kinky dream about a celebrity? No. How many pets do you have? Would you like any more? Six, and I kinda want another snake to breed with Venus when she's big enough. I want to keep at least one of the babies to help with Sara's snake breeding passion. Is there a song you can’t stop listening to atm? Oh yeesh, yeah. I've fallen in love with Powerwolf recently and thus play a number of their songs repeatedly. How many bedrooms does your home have? Two. How many times do you use a bath towel before washing it? Once. Annoys the hell out of Mom but like, I feel like there may be leftover germs I'm getting off + maybe dead skin 'cuz my skin in dry as fuck??? What time do you usually eat dinner? This can vary from 6:00 to like almost 9:00. I can't cook and Mom works late, so. I'll make my own microwavable things if I can't wait for her to make something. Do you know any narcissists? Jason????? Dillon????? dat u???????? Have you ever been falsely accused of something serious? I don't believe so? In which were you happiest: elementary, middle, or high school? Elementary. What was your favorite thing to do as a little kid? Video games. You can bring back one dead pet to life. Which one? Cali, for Mom. She misses her so much. Rock, paper, or scissors? I think I usually do scissors. Who was the last person to ask you out? Girt. What are your favorite pajamas you have? My purple, black, and white Jack Skellington ones ahhh What’s your least favorite ice-cream flavor? Strawberry is disgusting. Do you prefer it when it gets darker earlier? NOOOOO. This is totally inverted from how it used to be, but I'm more likely to feel down when it's dark. Are there a lot of cookbooks in your house, or just a few? Or maybe none at all? Mom has tons she never uses. Who are your godparents? I don't think I have any. Can you touch your nose with your tongue? No. What brand is your toothpaste? Crest. Are you currently broken out? No. What was the last hotel you stayed at? I dunno. Do you have a favorite NASCAR driver? No. Eyeliner. Yes or no? If I wear makeup, that's the bare minimum. What’s the hardest decision you’ve ever had to make? Let Jason go or continue to let what we had ruin my life. Where is the last beach you went to? Myrtle Beach, NC. Have you ever been rock climbing? Nah, not interested. Have you ever played Gamecube? No. What has been the biggest event for you to overcome? Recovery. It changed me for the better so much. Do you have a favorite pet? No one can beat Teddy. I doubt any pet ever will. When someone drops something do you immediately go and pick it up for them? If I’m close, unless they're already reaching for it, yes. Could you call your best friend right now and tell them your biggest secret, and trust them to keep it? HAHAHAHA NO tbh. I love her, but she tells people everything. Have you ever played Wii Fit? Yup. Everyday one summer, lost 40 pounds, got in great shape. Have you ever touched a caterpillar? Yeah, loved picking up the ordinary ones as a kid. Is there a YouTube channel whose videos you always watch? I will watch literally any video Mark makes. How often do you feel lonely? This is like. Almost a daily struggle. Do you struggle with depression? I'm diagnosed with it, but it's well-controlled now! While in a relationship, do you ever think about its possible end? I worry about it BADLY. Even in my current one where I feel completely secure, I have some spans of "what if" anxiety. What is the worst treatment you’ve had to put up with from someone else? Ummmm. I dunno. What’s the longest you’ve gone without eating? 24 hours, probs. Do you like watching music videos? No. I just care about the music. Which, if any, drug have you ever abused? None. Do you know your mail (wo)man? No. Honestly, are you often high-maintenance/hard to please? No. Are there any flags flying outside at your home? No. Will you vote in the next presidential election? If the remaining candidates don't fucking suck, yes. Tell me about someone that you know dislikes you. What do you think is about you they don’t like? The one person I know doesn't is my best friend's mom, but I can't tell you exactly why. There's no telling what Colleen told her after our fight, but. Colleen has told me her mom thinks I could "hurt" her son somehow. I was fucking livid. I adore that boy and would do anything to protect him. Oh yeah, know she mentioned I was a bad influence, too. But hey, the hate is mutual, I've never been able to stand her. Tell me about something you’re afraid of. Why does it frighten you? Getting heartbroken again. Last time tore me the fuck apart, I seriously don't know if I could do it again. Worst pain I have ever experienced. Is there someone you could hang out with all the time, without ever getting bored of them? Sara <3 Have you ever liked someone else when you already had a boyfriend/girlfriend? What happened? Yup, first high school crush Sebastian. And nothing really happened; he was taken (though I'm pretty sure he had at least mild feelings for me too), though it was at a complicated point. Then I met Jason. What mountain ranges have you seen? The Appalachians. Where would you most like to go in your state, etc that you haven’t been? THERE'S AN ABANDONED WIZARD OF OZ-THEMED PARK IN THE WEST AND I WANNA VISIT. Have you ever seen or touched an iceberg? No. Where was the most remote location you’ve ever been to? I dunno. What is your most unhealthy habit? Not exercising? Has your house ever been damaged in a storm? A tree fell on our old house during a hurricane. It didn't cause severe damage or anything, though. What’s the least amount you’ve weighed since reaching your full height? ~118. Hilarious. Do you think it’s cruel to keep an animal in a cage while you’re away? Depends on the size of the cage and how long they're staying in there. Are you scared of reptiles? Not at all. Does death scare you? Not that much. Do you use a comb or brush? Comb now that my hair's short. When you were younger, did you ever do that exclamation point that looked like an upside down triangle and had a really big dot? No. What kind of relationship do you have with the last person you kissed? She's my girlfriend. Are there things in your life that you’ll never be able to get over? If I could get over my breakup, I can get over anything. Have you ever turned to smoking or drinking to solve a problem? New Years of 2017 I actually did try to get drunk for that purpose. Would you mind dating someone significantly shorter than you? No. What’s on your bedside table? Yeesh, a lot. A fan, a basket with all my meds in it, sketchbook, notebook, my folder full of things from Holly Hill as well as my therapy homework folder. There's other miscellaneous stuff too. How much money would it take to get you to give up the Internet for one year? This is pathetic, but probably like... no amount. My life sadly revolves around it, just about. What are some things on your holiday wishlist? Always tattoo money lmao. But I'd really love a drawing tablet, but a decent quality one. Can't have both. Who accompanied you to your first concert? Jason, Mom, and Nicole. What’s the temperature outside? Phone says 79. Gonna get to 90, though. Have you ever been in detention? Yes, too many tardies getting to school. Do you wear black to look skinnier? Not for that reason, but it's a plus lol. Do you have scars on your wrists? You can barely see them, but they're there. How about anywhere else? Yeah, quite a few. Do you post things on Facebook that are personal? No. Has the last person you kissed ever taken their shirt off in front of you? Just to change it. Would you ever get in the passenger seat of a car with someone who’s been drinking? Fuck that. What is a topic you definitely don’t want to talk about with anyone? How I'm 99% sure I lost my virginity. What is the craziest hairstyle and color you’ve had? Style, probably what I had before this where I had short hair on most of my left side and it faded to long. Color, purple. What was your first gaming console? Original PlayStation. Which fictional villain is your favorite? Um obviously Darkiplier???????? What’s the last thing you’ve made with your hands? Hm. Dunno. Which hair color would you never want to have? Yellow. Who’s the last person you talked to about sex? Sara. What is the wallpaper on your phone? My lock screen is a heavy reminder that I am still straight as fuck for Mark, home screen is my favorite pic of me and Sara. What was the last thing you wrote down? Stuff at the tattoo/piercing parlor to get my tongue done. What is your least favorite color? Puke green or olive. What’s the most boring sport to watch? Golf. Sara, don't tell your dad I said that.

#survey #quiz #questions #random

4 notes · View notes

itskrystyna · 7 years

Text

100 Truths

Thanks to the ‘on this day’ function on Facebook, I just discovered that it’s been 7 years since I did this tag! Pretty crazy, but after reading it through I thought it would be cool to do it again at age 23 as a lottt of my answers have changed since then and are a lot more interesting.

What was your:

1. Last beverage: Water 2. Last phone call: My dad asking if everyone was home haha 3. Last text message: It was to and from Anthea, we were talking about Christmas and asked each other to name one thing that we are thankful for. 4. Last song you listened to: A double bass version of Canon in D that my brother sent me 5. Last time you cried: Like 15 minutes ago to my brother and sister. We were talking about friendships and how they change as you age, and I opened up about a friend issue that I am currently dealing with.

Have you ever:

6. Got back with someone you've broken up with: No, but as of right now I’m not completely opposed to the idea as long as certain circumstances could one day be on our side. 7. Been cheated on: Not that I know of. 8. Kissed someone & regretted it: No. I’m not particularly happy about the person I had my first kiss with, but in the moment I knew I wanted it so I don’t regret it. 9. Lost someone special: Yes 10. Been depressed: Yes 11. Been drunk and threw up: No

List 3 favourite colours

12. Green 13. Purple 14. Blue

This year have you (2017)

15. Made a new friend: Yes. Temporary friends, but friends nonetheless. 16. Fallen out of love: No. At one point I believed I did, but I’ve come to accept that ultimately I have not. 17. Laughed until you cried: Yes, I can’t remember why but it was definitely with my brother and/or sister. 18. Met someone who changed you: There was definitely someone who changed me this year, but I haven’t been changed by anyone I met this year. 19. Found out who your true friends were: I am still learning, but I know there is at least one who will stick by me till the end. 20. Found out someone was talking about you: Not in the larger sense 21. Kissed anyone on your Facebook friend's list: Yes, two 22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: Most of them except for some family in the Philippines and a couple of online friends and people I met in online communities 23. How many kids do you want?: Ideally 2, a boy and a girl, but I’d try for a third if the first two are the same sex. 24. Do you have any pets?: No 25. Do you want to change your name: No 26. What did you do for your last birthday?: Stayed home. I’ll admit I was kind of in a bad mood on my birthday last week. 27. What time did you wake up today?: 12pm lol my brother woke me up before leaving home 28. What were you doing at midnight last night?: Watching youtube videos in my room till about 3am... I was in a bad head space last night, but I switched to studying a bit of Chinese before bed in attempt to counteract the unproductivity. 29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: I literally cannot wait for this year to end and to go back to school man, no one understands. 30. Last time you saw your Mother: About half an hour ago to say goodnight before she went to sleep 31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life?: I am very grateful for everything I’ve been through since it’s all taught me very valuable life lessons and I would not be the person I am today otherwise, but I guess I just wish that I could have learned a few lessons sooner so I could be ahead in certain aspects of my life and not feel like I’m behind everyone else. I know that life is not a race and that everyone learns and accomplishes things at their own pace, but it’s impossible not to feel that way sometimes although I am working on accepting that all I can do now is look forward, plan for the future and enjoy every moment as best as I can. 32. What are you listening to right now: Some gentle harp music coming from my brother’s laptop. He’s working in my room right now and I let him play whatever he wants :P 34. Who is getting on your nerves now: At this moment nobody! But I suppose you can say that a situation with a friend is really bothering me right now. 36. Whats your real name: Krystyna Kobos 37. Nicknames: Krabs, Tyna, and Ate (if that’s even considered a nickname rather than a title of respect) 39. Zodiac sign: Scorpio sun, Aquarius moon, Virgo rising 40. Male or female?: Female 41. Primary School?: St. Leo 42. Secondary School?: Father John Redmond 43. High school/college?: Ryerson University, YorkU for 3 weeks, and Humber College starting in January! 44. Hair color: Brown 45. Long or short: Medium-ish on the longer side 46. Height: 5′4 47. Do you have a crush on someone? Not crushing, but still in recovery from a heartbreak 48: What do you like about yourself?: I made a list of things I love about myself in my ‘wreck this journal’ type book a few days ago! But one physical thing I like about myself is my big eyes, and one non-physical thing I like is my emotional self awareness and that I allow myself to feel. 49. Piercings: Ears 50: Tattoos: Most probably never 51. Righty or Lefty: Righty

First:

52. First surgery: None 53. First piercing: Ears 54. First best friend: Alyssa in junior kindergarten although I barely remember her, so I will say Jodi in SK. And even though we don’t communicate regularly anymore we still keep in touch and see each other from time to time. 55. First sport you joined: None, although I remember in second or third grade there was a girls soccer tryout meeting at recess and every girl in my grade went for some reason, so I joined them because I didn’t want to be outside alone with all the boys. I never went to another sports meeting after that. 56. First vacation: Philippines 2011! 57. First pair of trainers: Like, shoes? I don’t know lol

Right Now:

58. Eating: Nothing 59. Drinking: I took a sip of water after reading this question 60. I'm about to: Answer the next question and I need to go to bed soon 61. Listening to: Still the harp music coming from my brother’s laptop 62. Waiting for: SCHOOL TO START. Also Christmas. 63. I'm feeling: Relaxed and reflective. I’m in good spirits tonight.

Your Future:

64. Want kids?: Yes 65. Get married?: Yes 66. Career: Yikes, well I recently made the huge decision to drop out of teachers college. Once I go back to school in January I will be on my way to becoming a mental health counselor, and to be completely honest I feel so much more excited to continue education for this reason than I ever did before. 67. Lips or eyes: Eyes 68. Hugs or kisses: Both, although I am not much of a hugger in my everyday life with friends/family and I really enjoy kisses with a significant other. But tender hugs are wonderful too. 69. Shorter or taller: Taller 70. Older or Younger: Older 71. Romantic or spontaneous: Spontaneous romantic moments 72. Nice stomach or nice arms: Arms 73. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive 74. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship

Have you ever:

75. Kissed a stranger: No, unless you count a prolonged tinder relationship in which I didn’t truly know all of the person before I kissed them 76. Drank hard Liquor: I don’t really know what defines liquor as hard but I have knocked out and fallen asleep after drinking a bit too much wine (clearly I don’t drink much) 77. Lost glasses/contacts: No 78. Sex on first date: No 79. Broken someone's heart: Yes... I absolutely hated it but I had to do it for myself. 80. Been arrested: No 81. Punched someone: Yes, my brother and Anthea 82. Cried when someone died: Yes 83. Fallen for a friend: Yes, but nothing lasting

Do you believe in:

84. Yourself: I am growing to more and more. 85. Love at first sight: I believe in a moment 86. Heaven: I’m not opposed to the idea of a heaven or an afterlife. I’m comfortable with simply not knowing until we experience our own death, even though it drives me completely insane when I think about it too much. 87. Santa Claus: No 88. Kiss on the first date: A little peck on the lips is fine by me 89. Angels: I believe that invisible spirits exist among us 90. God: I believe that there is one. I believe in the universe and that there’s a part of it inside every living thing on earth and anywhere else that life exists.

Answer Truthfully:

91. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: No 92. Did you sing today?: Maybe just a little singsong, a little humming 93. Did something illegal?: Other than illegally download music, nothing that I can think of 94. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?: I would probably just go back to April of this year (2017) and face going to the doctor to take care of the rash above my lip earlier on. It sounds like such a tiny little problem but it got so out of hand that I spiraled into a depression I’ve never experienced before, and even though I’ve gotten much better since then I am still living in the consequence of it. But then again, if that didn’t happen then the sequence of events afterwards never would have happened, and even though I still wish I never had to go through all the suffering as well as the heartbreak I suffered as result of it, I probably would have not yet learned the most important lesson of my life to this date. 95. The moment you would choose to relive?: That one week in February this year. Our time together was much too short and I would do anything to experience it all over again. 96. Are you afraid of falling in love?: I would normally say no, but now I can understand why people would say yes. However I still stand by no even though I’m afraid of having my feelings this past year nullified...even though that sounds completely irrational. It know that doesn’t make sense, but it does. 97. When was the last time you lied?: Today? Yesterday? I don’t really make big lies, just little strings of white lies. 98. Are you usually late, early or right on time?: Late D: 99. Would you give your life to save someone else's?: Yes, if I cared about them enough 100. Are you afraid of posting this as 100 truths?: Not at all.

#personal #100 truths

1 note · View note