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going-to-ikea-for-the-fries · 16 hours

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What would your headcanons be for the 141 in nursing homes? As in old ass man.

Maybe some extra characters as well? 👀

I'm splitting this up into 3 categories: Physical appearance, personality/behaviour, and overall shenanigans.

John Price

Went bald but still has a killer mustache and a ridiculous amount of body hair and yet all the hair he has left has gone grey. Is SOOO wrinkly. His eyes are hooded/droopy beyond fucking belief.

He's 100% a "Back in my day..." old man. Has def gone half-deaf. Is both a flight risk AND a fall risk but refuses to use his walker/zimmer frame. Is the first one up in the morning, before the staff even changed shifts (consequence of early rising all his life in the military)

Insists on being called 'Captain' by the staff, gives everyone the stink eye if he gets called 'John' or 'Mr.Price'. Sometimes still wakes up dreaming of Makarov and/or Shepherd and spends all day grumpy. Staff hates him.

Simon Riley

Does not go wrinkly. Instead, his skin gets taut and he loses weight and muscle, and becomes skinny/frail. Is VERY hunched over.

Has def lost most of his hearing as well. Is impossible to talk to. A conversation between him and Price spirals from a topic to the next because they misinterpret each other's words. Blasts his fave TV shows (The Price is Right) at top volume all hours of the day.

Has dementia or some other brain degenerative disease, which means he's often lost/confused... So it's not uncommon to see him walking around carrying a cane or umbrella like it's a rifle because he thinks he's still a soldier. Has scared the shit out of night staff by sneaking up behind them with a mask on (where did he get the bloody mask?) and nearly stabbing them with a syringe-like it was one of his knives.

Johnny MacTavish

Does not make it to a nursing home, he's already dead.

Kyle Garrick

Has gone grey but not that wrinkly. Still looks surprisingly good for his age. Is very charming. Wears colourful shirts (Hawaiian and not), and has a nice style... but still wears that stupid bloody hat of his. Has VERY bad hip pain from falling out of helicopters so much.

Is SOOO sweet and polite, and charms all the old ladies AND the nursing staff, every kid that comes visit other grandparents LOVES him. Is the least annoying senior at the nursing home. Also has terrible hearing. Spends his time shouting at Price and Simon to have a conversation.

Still gets taken to veteran/war remembrance days by his family and watches the parades and such... only to look at helicopters with disdain in his eyes and curses them out with a fist.

Alejandro Vargas

Has not gone grey but is a healthy salt-and-pepper. Still keeps his little stubble OR an anchor goatee. Wears glasses now, but they're those types that transition into sunglasses.

His hearing is ALSO shot. Has very shaky hands so he keeps dropping things, especially his pills. Talks crap about everyone with Rodolfo (they gossip in Spanish so no one can hear him.) Is never grumpy. Loves playing cornhole and pétanque.

Is 100% a cougar hunter. Has a silver-tongue and is still so attractive that he just seduces ALL the old ladies. Some of them were still married to their husbands (who were ALSO in the nursing home) and he STILL flirted with them.

Rodolfo Parra

Rudy has gone chubby, wears glasses, and still stays clean-shaven. Wears cardigans and corduroy trousers. Is on a wheelchair.

Is very polite. Spends his time reading in the garden, and likes tending to flowers. Loves a good gossip with Alejandro. Loves playing cards because it's the one game Alejandro cannot play, is very smug about it.

Falls asleep suddenly after meals. Hates Philip Graves with a fucking passion. Hates him so much he still wakes up dreaming about the betrayal in 2022 and gets MAD about it. Wheels himself to Alejandro's room every time and complains. "Pendejo de mierda, Graves."

#asks #moots #cod headcanons #crack headcanons #I promise it's crack #do not take this seriously #I will fill this out with the rest of them tomorrow

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zukos-other-missing-eyebrow · 2 days

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sokka the twice listener x zuko the enhypen listener

#idk bro #do you think zuko listens to ateez too #zuko is kinda enhypen coded im not too sure why #heart shaker is sokka's song #crack headcanon #crack headcanons #zukka #zuko #sokka #avatar #atla #avatar the last airbender #kpop #twice #enhypen

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thatonehomosexual79 · 2 days

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Everytime I remember my silly crack headcannon in ESMP 1 where GoodTimesWithScar in HermitCraft is Joey Graceffa’s brother biologically I laugh a little cus it’s apart if like my official au hc thing for ESMP1 and I love it there the best brothers ever and they have there own sad tramua filled back story with dead parents and being separated and never seeing each other again🫶 I could go on such a long ramble about my hc back story for ESMP 1 Joey🫶

Anyways Joey and Scar as brothers make them a duo👏

#goodtimeswithscar #joey graceffa #empires smp 1 #ESMP #hermitcraft #Headcannons #AU almost #crack headcanons

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chrollohearttags · 6 months

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that cabin eren look has changed the trajectory of my life and given me the stupidest idea ever lmfaogekgs! Just walk with me for a minute

content: musician au ofc, sexual references, reverb lore (?), ony, armin and connie being aggravating as hell lmfaooo, comedy them being big ass kids, ony using the n word (nb’s keep it cute)

📝: I’m reporting live from the ER so I need something to keep me entertained. 😭 this is so dumb, forgive me.

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰──── ───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰ ───

“Nah, tell them folks the full story! Go ahead.”

“Look at him getting embarrassed. He’s so cuteee.”

the sound of clicking keys and controllers rang out over the headsets, among the loud laughter and chatter coming from those wearing them. The four illustrious artists, EJ the Don, Armin Hammer, Prince Cee and Ony The God; forming the collective known as Dead Boys Society were normally coming together to perform their many hits, or even comprise music. But tonight? They had a whole other reason..or two rather!

“Tell your mama’s story, bitch. Ain’t nothing to talk about.”

on one of the very rare occasions that the gentleman accrued some free time, they decided to host a Twitch stream. Playing video games, previewing new music and just having a good time. That was until they decided to bring them out…the infamous photos.

Ony, who was in full blown hysterics, falling out of his chair in laughter as he hoisted his phone to the camera. He could barely even be contained. “Look at this nigga, bro! You couldn’t tell him shit.” And the others followed suit. “Malibu’s Most Wanted looking ass.” Armin was just in hysterics, trying to cover his face. Eren, however was not as enthused! “Say sum’, Armin. I dare you and I’m going dead in your shit when I see you again.” “Don’t get mad at me because you were the mall whore. Getting passed around.” Which was so ironic coming from him! Because during the stream, the conversation of their previous lives and how they met came about. Ony divulged that he and Connie had known each other a long time and even went to school together. The pair played basketball as well. When they were seventeen, they began working at the Bayside Mall in a shoe store. Which is where they met EJ, who had just enrolled at their high school as well. The three became really close and eventually that they not only shared an affinity for sneakers but music also. They’d compose songs, make beats and mess around during their shift. When the three of them worked together, the store was packed to the brim, even with a line out the door. Due in part to their main attraction: the cute boy from Jersey with the green eyes and the voice of angel. At any given time, there would R&B and rap playing and he would know every word. Definitely a rarity in the urban area! Connie, who vividly remembered him wanting to be in the stock room but the manager insisting on Eren being on the floor. Thanks to Ony’s suggestion! Because of that, every girl from here to Opa Locka wanted a piece, even telling him they wanted his baby! It was utter chaos. “(Y/N), ma. I’m sorry but your man had hoes. In there serenading them girls and they used to eat that shit up. They loved him. He had like three baby mamas and four step kids before he left.” Rolling his eyes, Eren would take a sip of his drink and try to interject. Defending his honor because lord knows no one else would! “Nah, they were trying to exploit me. Pimping me out for corporate gain. Bunch of bastards.” And (y/n) was just enjoying this little storytime of your man. Exposing his younger self. So when Ony showed the photos of him in his uniform with a gold chain, a tapered fade and Nikes on, posing with his fingers up, you couldn’t help but to laugh. He was just as adorable then as he was now! It most certainly wasn’t his proudest moment. Hence why he loved having hair long now.

“A white boy with a fade singing Pretty Ricky and Trey Songz and you thought we wasn’t gon’ put that nigga front and center? That was our meal ticket. We had to do something.”

and you fell clean over, unable to hold it together! Along with the chat who was spamming a plethora of ‘LMAO’ ‘s and scrambled letters. A mess! “If it means anything, baby. I think you look handsome.” Squeezing his cheeks and cooing to him as consolation. And he was not trying to hear it.

“It don’t mean shit, but thank you, princess.”

He blocked everybody that night and refused to give you any dick for a week straight because of this lil’ escapade. 😭 “I thought shit was funny, what happened?”

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genshingorlsrevengeance · 3 months

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How would Navia react to her S/O giving her a fish.

(Genshin Impact) Navia's S/O gifting her a fish

...What?

Navia actually enjoys fishing!

When its her automatic rods doing it, anyway.

But she isn't afraid to get her hands dirty if her quarry is refusing to submit!

Part of her wants to blast the fish with her gun, but at S/O's insistence, she doesn't.

Meanwhile, she'd certainly be impressed by her S/O's skills since they just used a regular rod to catch them.

Doubly so when its a fish thats taller than the both of them.

(Navia) "Woah! Nice catch, S/O!"

One day, S/O brought her an absolutely massive catch just for her! While she was touched, it was already dead because it had been out of the water for so long.

On top of that, the fish was way too big for it to be used for dinner!

Navia wanted to decline, but couldn't from seeing how happy and proud S/O was.

(Navia) Where did they even get a fish this big...?

She brought it to her home, to which she quickly let the fish sit on her lawn for a few moments, going immediately to wash her hands.

(Navia) "Hm...Oh, I know! We can mount the fish on the wall!...Wait, this guy seems like he'd break the hinges off. Then I guess we should make a bigger wall!"

The size of the trophy and the tools required to hang it were absolutely massive, to the point it would probably take the wall with it.

So instead, she had a new idea! Hang it from the ceiling!

In which the rods snapped.

Failing all options, she knew how to honor S/O's catch.

(Navia) "FIRE!"

Upon her enemies did Navia unleash a massive fish that struck a bandit out of nowhere.

(Bandit) "GAH! W-What the he-DID YOU JUST FIRE A DAMN FISH AT ME!?"

(Navia) "What I'm hearing is you're wanting bullets instead! My pleasure!-"

(Bandit) "R-RETREAT!"

Navia now constantly refreezes the fish so she can use it as ammunition.

In which she lovingly named the fish after S/O.

#does this even count as an imagine?#crack headcanons #genshin impact imagines #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact headcanons #navia genshin impact #navia x reader #navia x you #navia x y/n

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eternal-kosmo-ghoul · 6 months

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AS MY TREAT I WANT THE MOST SILLY, GOOFY AAA HCS OF THE PAPA'S.

Like idk Copia used to have to wear earplugs because Terzo snores so loudly it's literally obnoxious or something like that.

“aww my middle finger likes you”

❤︎ synopsis — this is pure bullshittery and crack in its finest form with the papas. they can be a little crazy at times

pairing: all papa emeritus’ x gn!reader (can be platonic or romantic)

theme: crack ✦ , fluff ✿ (if you squint)

a/n: this is a toast to my bestie for being an absolute chad. i was high making these, enjoy.

cw: terzo is a warning enough on his own. that’s it.

▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆▆

➵ papa primo

he’s the oldest so he constantly has to deal with the shit from his psychopathic brothers

like— primo is basically THE mom friend, except he’s the mom for moe, larry and curly over here

(moe, larry and curly being secondo, terzo and copia)

he constantly had to hold back secondo from beating the shit out of terzo because terzo made fun of him for being bald

“I’M GONNA RIP OFF YOUR WEAVE—“ “SECONDO NO—“

bro unironically listens to weezer

like full out busting down a just dance move to this music

you once caught him dancing to it, and he stood there frozen like the man emoji

he told you to never speak of it again and you just nodded, trying to plague your mind of that horrendous image

primo cannot cook for shit too btw

you were once out and asked him to make something before you got home to the ministry

the minute you walked in the door, the kitchen stove was on fire and all of primo’s ghouls were running around and screaming in infernal about the fire

meanwhile, primo stood there not knowing what to do, looking like the man emoji AGAIN

it’s basically his trademark at this point

“…. primo what the absolute fuck—“ “it wasn’t me i swear.”

while primo’s ghouls were still learning english, he once said “fuck you” to you in a very sarcastic way

but the ghouls thought it was how humans said “hello” in english

so they went around to the other siblings of sin, and sister imperator saying “fuck you” to them while leaving all those poor people offended and dumbfounded

you smacked the back of his head after that and forced him to apologize to his ghouls and to the siblings of sin (plus imperator of course)

and he gave the ghouls extra scritches too

primo also has the dad sneeze

like he can send another universe to the next tomorrow with his goofy ass sneeze

he once sneezed so loud he scared copia and caused him to bang his head on the wall

it was kinda funny tbh

anyways yeah note to self stay 10000 feet away from primo if he’s on the verge of sneezing

it’ll save your life

┅✦┅

➵ papa secondo

secondo has two moods

“oh my satan you’re all so stupid i literally hate you all” and “tee hee i’m a girly girl”

like ??? what’s this guy on???

this guy has the sass of a high school history teacher

like secondo’s being so deadass about whatever he’s saying but he’s always fucking saying it like—

“c’mon now, you literally have the style of a hairless roach 💅”

it confuses you a lot of the time, really

secondo has his moments where he’s sweet, but for the most part he’s pulling up the middle finger to everyone he sees

it’s a habit

someone could say hi to him in the nicest way possible and he’ll just grumble and flip them off

it’s not even that he’s trying to be mean, it’s a habit (a very bad habit)

you once got tired of it and smacked his hand, when he flipped you off. so it’s safe to say he no longer does it

at least to you

secondo is an absolute menace to his brothers

with primo he’s chill because he’s the eldest, but with the younger two he’s got no chill

definitely made copia cry at some point during his younger years

he later got his ass chewed out by you and primo, because no one makes copia cry

secondo’s literally so bossy it’s kinda funny

he’s always one flip flop away from smacking someone every time someone pisses him off

him and terzo are BEEFING all the time

and it’s over the stupidest shit too

“you’re stupid.” “well, you’re face is stupid” “you’re both stupid, end of the discussion.”

you once switched out all of his skull face paint for a pink barbie pallet

so secondo was walking around lookin’ like hello kitty emeritus and everyone was trying so hard not to laugh

even his ghouls were struggling too

“… secondo—“ “not. another. word.”

┅✦┅

➵ papa terzo

bro’s the fuckin’ definition of fruity

you thought secondo was girly pop?? wait ‘till you see terzo, he’s fucking extravagant

will literally show up in the grocery store lookin’ like a character ripped straight from criminal minds

like— he has to make a show EVERYWHERE he goes. he likes to stand out

terzo is also the type of man to wear skirts and dresses because he knows he’s hot shit and he devours every fit he puts together

he shows off that waist frfr

“… terzo what the fuck—“ “shut up you know i’m sexy and i’m going to show it.”

if you wear skirts or dresses he’ll definitely ask to borrow them

he definitely passed down his fruitiness to copia

and to his ghouls

he scams kids on adopt me and has a good laugh every time because he likes to see people get mad at him since he stole their hella expensive pet from them

primo told him to quit it because what kind of satanic pope scams poor little children on a roblox game?

as stylish as terzo is, he cannot do his hair and makeup to save his life

he’ll usually ask you to do it for him wherever he has to perform or do public events, which is why his face paint is simple compared to secondo and primo

it gives you two bonding time though and it’s cute

he once watched the pinkie pie smile hd video and was traumatized for a few days

like he straight up locked himself in his room and would not come out unless you convinced him to do so

during an after party after a concert ritual, he got so wasted and almost kissed omega

like you had to PRY this man off of the poor ghoul, while omega stood there unaffected (hehe tall buff demon boy)

terzo is the shortest emeritus and none of his brothers will let him live it down

ESPECIALLY copia, since he’s younger than him

terzo almost kicked him in the nuts because of that

but that definitely was a stab to his already massive ego

you reassured him that there’s nothing wrong with his height even though you found some of the jokes his brothers made funny

live laugh love terzo

┅✦┅

➵ papa copia

copia doesn’t know what he’s doing half of the time

like he’s just given a mic and he just wings a performance while the ghouls on stage are fucking around and going absolutely feral

out of all the papas, copia legitimately treats his ghouls like his own kids

he feels like he’s getting more grey hairs every time he has to stop swiss from fucking his own guitar, or sodo and phantom from fighting about cheese sticks

you sometimes help copia do ghoul-sitting and it’s just chaos. you’re literally their second parent

copia and you = parent duo for the era iv ghouls

he unironically owns a lot of funko pops

and he keeps the one of himself on a special pedestal in a glass case for safe keeping

though secondo almost once knocked over the case and he was three seconds away from smiting a bitch

you once were looking for copia because you wanted to ask him something and you found him in a ritual room

except the ritual was that he surrounded himself with a bunch of rat plushies and he was on his knees in front of a picture of a rat with a tiny crown

you were so confused, and he refuses to acknowledge what that was

“…. copia i—“ “you didn’t see anything.”

he fucking washes himself with dish soap and laundry detergent

this man is going around smelling like dawn dish soap and it’s so weird

it’s not that it even smells bad??? it just smells so interesting and strong you swear you’re in a fever dream

copia is an avid mitski fan

definitely cried his eyes out like a little bitch when he first listened to “the land is inhospitable and so are we” because he couldn’t get over how sad “my love mine all mine was”

radiates theater kid energy

but like— the kind of theater kid that is just passionate about theater and is very giddy when people ask about it

when he started his first meeting as papa he got so nervous that he straight up started the meeting with the word “mushroom”

like it’s so random ??? but it made the ghouls and you giggle so it somewhat worked out ??

copia is a little silly

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#ghost bc #ghost fanfiction #papa emeritus x reader #papa x reader #papa primo #papa secondo #papa terzo #papa copia #copia x reader #terzo x reader #primo x reader #secondo x reader #crack fic #crack headcanons #ghost bc crack #the band ghost #ghost x reader #ghost bc x reader

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h8ani · 7 months

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Tokyo Revengers Headcanons

Crack Edition: Moody GF On Her Period

Requested!

A/N - I hope 4 headcanons was enough! Feel free to request again! PSA this is my first headcanon so bare with me

Credits! The dividers were made by @benkeibear if you’re ever in need of any borders or dividers :)

𝙈𝙞𝙠𝙚𝙮 𝙎𝙖𝙣𝙤

This man will do everything in his power to NOT piss you off

For someone as dangerous and terrifying as he is

Hearing the slam of the front door has his knees buckling

The house being a mess was a constant argument with you two and the last thing he needs is the demon coming out of you

The house is spotless

Laundry folded and put away

Breakfast, lunch & dinner made to perfection just for you

You have this man feeling pressure from the moment he wakes up when he hears you groan in pain from your cramps

He’s scrubbing the counter tops one morning focused on cleaning when he turns around and flinches so hard he slips once he sees you

“Why’d you fall?”

“Floors looked dirty, needed to clean ‘em…”

𝙈𝙞𝙩𝙨𝙪𝙮𝙖 𝙏𝙖𝙠𝙖𝙨𝙝𝙞

Mans has your period symptoms and remedies down to a T

Your cravings are no joke

Hangry AF

24/7

No breaks in between at all

All of Toman fears your time of the month and they only know it’s time when they see Mitsuya carrying a bag of snacks with him

While he’s in his meetings you have the bag to yourself

But when everyone is conversing and you catch Smiley joking around with you and you don’t find it funny at all

That boy swore he saw his last day

That is until Mitsuya comes by and hands you a bag of your favorite chips

Anger diminished

Crisis averted

Smiley can live to see another day

You turn to look for another snack when you see a pack of cookies waiting for you on the steps of the shrine

Then a few more steps and you see a drink

And then more snacks

And more

What you’ll think of as a treasure hunt to find all of your snacks is actually Mitsuya leaving a bunch of snacks for you to distract you

All of Toman is in his debt for this

𝙃𝙖𝙣𝙢𝙖 𝙎𝙝𝙪𝙟𝙞

He actually likes your cranky side

Mainly because he actually doesn’t bother you and it’s everyone else that has to watch out for you

You’re fairly okay when it comes to your period

You can do things and move around, so that didn’t stop you from asking Hanma to go to the farmers market with you

You make it through the entire trip without flipping out on anyone

That is until Hanma is paying for the groceries and items you two found when he hears a loud thump and a groan come from behind him

He turns to see you beating a grown man with a single pineapple

Where you found another he doesn’t know because the one you picked out was in his bag

He just watches you destroy the pineapple against the defenseless man because man, it was a sight to see

He only picks you up once he hears the man make a sexist comment

Hanma saw your eyes dart to the broom display a few feet away and he could only imagine what you were planning to do with those

𝙍𝙖𝙣 𝙃𝙖𝙞𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙞

Ran is probably the worst one to be around on your period

He thinks everything is just so funny

You’re overly emotional? He laughs

Because “Why are you crying at the chef boyardee commercial?”

“He found his way back home! He was left behind!”

He finds you most amusing when your anger spikes

Because why is his sweet little girlfriend turning into a demon of the night

You were snapping at him, snapping at his brother, you even snapped at the poor couch pillows going as far as chucking it across the room causing a glass to break

After that Ran’s eyes locked on his brother who was behind you with a cross necklace hanging from his hand and a squirt bottle

Rindou began chanting “Begone Satan!” while spritzing you with the squirt bottle

Let’s just say the necklace was now broken and Rindou was soaked, bottle now empty

Ran just sat back and watched while his brother now believed that the devil was in fact inside of you

#tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers headcanons #tokrev #tokrev headcanons #mikey sano #Mikey Sano headcanons #mitsuya takashi #Mitsuya Takashi headcanons #takashi mitsuya #hanma shuji #shuji hanma #Hanma Shuji headcanons #ran haitani #ran Haitani headcanons #sky gives head(canons)#crack headcanons #tokyo revengers crack

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missmrvee · 8 months

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I love all the "mumza met dadza on the battlefield of war" or some other cool creative way they met.

but wouldn't it be funny if she randomly saw him and went "oh he's cute, too bad he is in fact mortal" 100 years pass and she sees him again "oh he looks familiar, oh well" another 100 years "wait a damn minute--"

she was wrong, he is in fact an old old crow /aff

#mumza #dadza philza #dsmp #dsmp headcanon #crack headcanons #mumza and dadza

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trashyvanillabean · 2 months

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Yanqing, when he’s being a Cloud Knight, is seen by some people as this cocky little lad (he tried to fight two Stellaron Hunters and the reincarnation of a former Vidyadhara High Elder) with the energy and passion of a hyper puppy trying to please his favorite person (Jing Yuan).

Yanqing, when he’s off the clock or acting as Jing Yuan’s retainer and despite how cute he can be, has one of those “resting b*tch faces” while thinking that somehow effortlessly terrifies onlookers because he looks like he can, WILL, and probably is planning to murder someone in cold blood—

—when really, he’s just thinking about housekeeping.

Cloud Knight #1: 😱 “Wh— Why does the Lieutenant look so angry…!?”

Cloud Knight #2: 😰 “I don’t know! I’ve never seen him make that face before!”

Cloud Knight #3: 😨 “Did someone piss him off…? Must have been that one guy at Cloudford during the Stellaron crisis…”

Cloud Knight #4: 😓 “No, no I’m pretty sure it has to do with the Stellaron Hunters.”

Cloud Knight #1: “Is he thinking about revenge…!?”

Cloud Knight #2: “Hey hey hey you can’t go making assumptions like that!”

Yanqing: “Hm…” (What should I cook for dinner tonight…?)

#vanille throws out the garbage #honkai star rail #yanqing #crack headcanons #<- probably #my headcanons #headcanons

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marvelmaniac715 · 2 months

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Crack Hatchetfield Head Canon: ALL of the Lords in Black have huge crushes on Paul and the reason they keep invading Hatchetfield is so that they can ‘accidentally’ bump into him and have a Legally Blonde Elle Woods at Harvard “Oh my god Warner, I totally forgot that you go here” moment.

#team starkid #starkid #hatchetfield #hatchetverse #the hatchetfield series #lords in black #the lords in black #paul matthews #head canon #headcanons #fan theory #crack headcanons

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going-to-ikea-for-the-fries · 13 hours

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saw ur grower or shower hcs,,,, as an extension to that, what would their sizes be? (sry if u’ve alr done size hcs,,,,if u have can u link them to this ask pls)

Gonna kill two birds with one stone and say both size and hair :)

Grower:

Simon Riley : 8 inches, decently thick + buzzes the hair down real short but does not shave it all off :).

Kyle Garrick : 8.5 inches, average thickness + shaves completely.

John Price : 6.5 inches, definitely the thickest in this category + trims his bush.

Alejandro Vargas : 7.5 inches, thin but VERY curved upward + does not shave, does not trim, the man's been rocking the same bush since he first started growing it in puberty.

Alex Keller : 7 inches, average thickness + buzzes it down like Simon does, right after he's done trimming his mustache :).

Shower:

Johnny MacTavish : 5.5 inches, THICK, thick, thick, beats everyone + does NOT shave on the field... but shaves it all off at home :).

Rodolfo Parra : 5 inches, average thickness + shaves it off fully just like Kyle and only ever lets it grow a little before he's shaving it off again.

Philip Graves : 4 inches, but he's the second thickest in this category + shaves it all clean off because if his face is shaven, so will his balls be.

#asks #moots #cod headcanons #crack headcanons #i promise this is crack #y'all need jesus #or therapy

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diagonal-queen · 10 months

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omg what if i requested...

okay okay imagine: [character] taking a bath with you and its all cute but GOD DAMN WHY DO YOU HAVE SO MANY RUBBER DUCKS? like yalls are taking a bath and you just pull out the rubber ducks and dump them in the bath djfbdjdj YES SFW I WE DONT TOLERATE NSFW HERE

characters: ranpo, dazai, chuuya, poe, atsushi, [your favorites] SEPARATE! if you dont wanna do em all you can just do poe and ranpo lol also you can insert blue lock characters if you want to 👍

i want isagi so bad frfr ALSO HONKAI STAR RAIL CAELUS WHY ISNT ANYONE TALKING ABOUT HIM LIKE HELLO??? TRASH CAN BOYFRIEND??? HES SO HOT TOO? I WANT HIM TOO FRFR

i hope youre having a good day i am indeed alive!!

- nia

A NIA REQUESTTTTTTTTTTTT OMG YES

Rubber duckie, you're the one~

♡ pairing: Ranpo Edogawa, Dazai Osamu, Chuuya Nakahara, Edgar Allan Poe, Atsushi Nakajima, Mykola Hohol, Tecchou Suehiro x gn!Reader

♡ synopsis: You bring rubber ducks into the bath.

♡ cw: Swearing, nudity I guess??? It's not NSFW lmao but gotta cover my bases

note: HELLO NIA. I want you to know that I AM gonna be doing a BLLK version of this some time after I've finished this one. Also I don't know much about Honkai Star Rail but isn't Caelus basically like that game's equivalent of Aether from Genshin? I'm uncultured T-T These are just crack hcs lol uh yeah apologies for errors and I hope you enjoy x

Ranpo:

Bold of you to assume this mf didn't bring his own rubber ducks

The bathtub is overcome with your shared aquatic fowl. You two are having an absolute field day in there (and not like a regular field day, but like a Magic School Bus field day)

Maybe they have a war or something. Or maybe they establish a peace agreement and the two leaders of your different duck nations get married to form a union

You guys end up staying in the tub until the water is freezing

Honestly though, you probably benefitted from having a little while to both just indulge in childish behaviour without any judgement or consequences. And it was super fun so no regrets

After the first time you guys decide to start having shared baths every now and then when things get too stressful at work, so you could blow off steam in a harmless and fun way

But you two don't tell anybody. I mean Ranpo still brings rubber ducks to public bathhouses because he's just like that but nobody else ever finds out the true extent of your duck-related shenanigans

10/10 would recommend bubble bath rubber duck therapy w/ autistic manchild 👍

Dazai:

He didn't expect it, but he likes it!

Dazai probably never washes himself ever so he was already quite on board with the idea of having a bath with you (he gets to see you nakey and have clean hair for once? Like what a win)

Also I reckon he's the kinda guy who really enjoys bubble baths and plays with them and gets the bathroom all messy with the bubbles (me too Dazai)

So he was pretty hyped for this. But then you dump like fifty rubber ducks into the bath and NOW IT'S TIME TO GET FUNKY

Dazai has definitely never played with them before. He's amused with the way they float, with the fact that they make noise when you squeeze them, their big stupid eyes and everything about them

He initially wants to question why you have so many of them or where you got them from but then he just as quickly decides that he doesn't really wanna know the answer

Is he as invested in the ducks as you are? No, but he's very curious about them and finds it nice that you enjoy them so much

Probably wraps one in bandages and gives it to you so you're always thinking of him or smth 💀 (it's cute though)

Chuuya:

If Chuuya has run you a bath he probably intended for it to be romantic and relaxing

And then you bringed in the duckies

After a quick discussion you two do compromise on a romantic bath. With rubber ducks. And it honestly ends up being more perfect than either of you expected

He'd have been willing to just let you do your thing though because he just wants you to be happy but mans works too hard to pass up an opportunity to relax in the bath with you

So what ends up happening is you two just cuddle in the bath and talk about life and romance and stuff, and there's also ducks floating there, entirely out of place

Like Chuuya would have pulled out all the stops. Candles and wine and stuff, so like a pretty mature scene that does not accommodate for rubber ducks, and yet there they are

But he thinks it's really cute how into the ducks you are so he lets you keep them around

He would definitely buy you more rubber ducks in the future just to see you smile. Chuuya is down so bad for you 😌

Poe:

He's probably never even seen a rubber duck in his 1800s gothic anxietycore life

You might honestly have to explain what they are. He's like 'and they don't do anything? You just have them there for company?' and you're like 'yeah!' and he's just like

Poe would find one singular duck of yours and latch onto it. That one is his duck now and he would keep it nearby because it reminds him of you

Overall though he doesn't really get on board with it. Like after the first two minutes when the novelty fades he's like '...can we please remove them' lol

If you say yes then the bath then continues on exactly as expected. It's nice but Poe's a little insecure and shy (cuddle him pls)

If you say no then he's just gonna learn to deal with them. This man doesn't have the balls to set boundaries with you (ME TOO POE)

That being said, if Karl likes the ducks? ...oh boy he's straight up going to purchase an avalanche of them

It's really up to you whether or not the ducks catch on or not, Poe's just along for the ride whether or not he wants to be

Atsushi:

Help him

They didn't have rubber ducks in the orphanage, and Atsushi probably hasn't had a proper nice long bath in years. He did not want nor expect a horde of rubber ducks

But Atsushi loves you so much that he's willing to look past it. And the duckies actually grow on him by the time you guys get out the bath

He's always seen bathing as just that. A way to clean. But you're determined to introduce him to the wonders of bathtime and make up for the childhood he wasn't allowed to have

He mostly just goes along with you and doesn't really match your energy, but he absolutely loves seeing you so excited about the ducks

He would definitely like the idea of baths being a cute couply thing for you guys to do though so whether or not you got your ducks with you is honestly irrelevant

But you do. And so he accepts them as a part of being with you. In sickness and health or whatever idk nobody loves me lmao

Just make sure that you give Atsushi as much attention as you give to the ducks okay?

Mykola:

Mykola has literally never been happier in his entire life

This was the moment when he realised that you were the one for him. His soulmate, his one and only

He doesn't care how many ducks there are, he just cares that there's ducks. And that you're the one who bought them into the bathtub.

The pair of you wreak havoc on the bathroom. Like with Ranpo, y'all were just being a little playful. You and Mykola straight up destroy the whole room

You two spend hours in there coming up with names, extended backstories and lore of each rubber duck and it gets so complicated so fast

He would also give each one of them a different voice while you guys are messing around. Theatre kid moment

You've now given him the idea to just randomly present you with rubber ducks at any time, regardless of the scenario. Your collection grows tenfold due to this bastard and Fyodor is not pleased about it. Not when Mykola is interrupting DOA meetings with fucking ducks

The poor repair guys you hire to fix the bathroom...they're so confused T-T

Tecchou:

Straight up just does not react. This shit is a regular Tuesday for him

LET'S NOT PRETEND THAT HE DOESN'T OWN RUBBER DUCKS BECAUSE HE LITERALLY DOES I SAID SO

And he just lets them float there in the bath and pays no mind to them. Doesn't play with them, talk to them or whatever. It's just nice to have some silent, non-judgemental company sometimes

Tecchou doesn't strike me as someone who would suggest that you two take a bath together, so it was most likely your idea. He went along with it because relaxing in a steamy room with you sounded nice, but in reality you just wanted to show him the ducks

And though he might have seemed disinterested he was so happy to know that you and him had a similar interest

You two are so good for each other that way <3 (good = autistic I guess, because Tecchou is canon autism I decided)

So while you play with the ducks or whatever he just sits there content and watches you do so with a little smile. Probably calls you cute at some point entirely catching you offguard

You two make it a regular thing, but Jouno probably finds out somehow and it's just a whole other can of worms I won't go into rn

Taglist~ ♡ @gettinshiggywithit, @fedyushka, @flower-of-darkness, @bejeweledgirl

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viviennevermillion · 1 year

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I like to believe that when you enter Malleus' castle, at first it looks like a really elegant and slightly intimidating place. It's a big gothic castle on the tallest mountain in the area and the only way to get up there is flying or using a staircase that was probably made in hell and destined to destroy the bones in your legs. If we ever get a Briar Valley event I can just see Malleus looking at his guests and going "oh well you guys don't have any wings and I don't have brooms ready so I'm going to accompany you as we walk the stairs together :)". Bonus if it's Idia and Azul.

The walls inside the castle are cold, ancient stone and there's all sorts of expensive carpets and curtains in the hallways. The place is lit up by chandeliers and candle holders and otherwise the only light source is the frequent lightning outside. It has this mystical fantasy charm.

But the more time you spend in there the more you realize that the Draconias are fucking insane.

First off, all offices in the castle have the exact same layout and it makes you feel like you're walking into the same room just decorated differently. The windows are are always behind the desk and facing east even when there should be a fucking wall there because there's another room right next to it. Magic.

There's a statue that talks but got on everyone's nerves so hard that the Draconia family regretted putting it in the castle. It's unfortunately such an architectural fuck-up that it functions as a pillar that would make an entire wing of the castle collapse if removed so they decided to just tape its mouth shut.

The treasure hall contains a glass showcase and Maleficia is like "this is a weapon our most treasured warrior Lilia Vanrouge used to decide the course of a battle long ago that saved all of our people" and it's just a wooden stake that still has some dried blood on it and you're like "tf did he kill with this? A vampire?"

There's a secret treasure hall inside of the regular treasure hall and the entrance only opens when you collect parts of a clock from different rooms all over the palace and place it into the large grandfather clock in the treasure hall. The Draconia family and Lilia are the only ones who know this mechanism but it's completely useless because they can just teleport in and out of it regardless. For some unexplained reason they repeatedly forget this and do the super complicated mechanism anyway.

The bookshelves in Maleficias office contain the entire "Draconia Chronicles" where each family member just documented their life experiences and there's Malleus' weird af great granduncle Malgus Draconia who just writes about how he climbed into the piano in the music hall once and met the god of death who gave him a treasure map of the Scalding Sands and sent him on a wild goose chase after a "long lost treasure stolen from Briar Valley" and all he came back with was a weird tree he could supposedly communicate with and a small bust that is most definitely cursed but everyone conveniently ignores the way it makes the castle distort sometimes.

They're just like "oh yeah this happens sometimes no biggie"

The castle has all sorts of hidden passages and one of them leads to a path in a cave that splits in two. One of the paths leads to what Malleus calls "the catacombs" and never elaborates on but you can hear creepy singing coming from it. The other leads inside the mountain to the Draconia family's dragon hoard. Listen. I need you to understand that every member of the Draconia family had a dragon hoard full of jewels and gold. You enter Maleficias' and it's like you're in Kalim's treasure vault. And then you enter Malleus' dragon hoard. And it's just the weirdest fucking place you've ever seen. Because Malleus has a very different definition of what he considers a treasure so you got golden goblets and gemstones lying around right next to parts of GaoGao Dragon-kun he replaced, a macaroni necklace Lilia taught him to make when he was like 7 and some rocks he found at the side of the road when he snuck out of the castle. It's a big pile of everything Malleus has ever owned and especially received from others and whenever he sulks, he just climbs on top of it and lays down.

When Malleus first came to NRC, Lilia and Silver had to convince him that he definitely does NOT need to bring his entire dragon hoard.

"But Lilia, how am I supposed to feel at home in this school if I don't at least bring this 7 feet tall GaoGao Dragon-kun statue I commissioned for my last birthday?"

He was pouting and Lilia was just gesturing wildly like "I don't know how to make this clear to you but this will not fit in your room-"

Speaking of Malleus' quarters....oh boi. Malleus' room at NRC is a temporary residence and thus looks relatively normal but Malleus' room at his castle is a 200 year old testimony to his complete and utter boredom while being locked in the castle for most of his life and it looks exactly like that. The interior design is elegant and princely but there's a whole pin board full of hyper realistic drawings of Malleus and GaoGao Dragon-kun and Lilia flying through the sky over Briar Valley and eating ice cream together and he has Twst Lightning McQueen bedsheets. He doesn't know who Lightning McQueen is, he's never seen the movie, Lilia got these for him 5 years ago from the mall in Shaftlands and Malleus thinks it's another foreign treasure given to him by his guardian. Lilia has also never seen the movie and doesn't know who Lightning McQueen is.

There's a corner where the walls and floor are basically charcoal because it's where Malleus practiced breathing fire as a kid. They've offered renovating it like over 50 times by now but Malleus keeps insisting he "likes it that way because it reminds him of an abandoned building"

There's several stringed instruments including one Malleus just utterly ruined in an attempt to "create his own version of a violin" where he tried to replace the strings with spinning wheel thread.

There are stone equivalents of action figures of the Great Seven and one plastic figurine of GaoGao Dragon-kun from the Twst version of a Happy Meal 12 years ago and a spreadsheet with the tarot readings Malleus made for them. He has a handmade tarot deck where every card is just designed with drawings of thorns and lightning. The Tower looks "accidentally" like one of the towers of his castle.

The wall over his desk has a chalk attempt of Malleus trying to play tic tac toe against himself and failing.

One corner of the room has a pile of gold and jewels he sits on when he doesn't feel like going to the dragon hoard right now.

#twisted wonderland #malleus draconia #malleus #malleus draconia headcanons #crack headcanons #shitpost

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chrollohearttags · 4 months

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ace trying to be all romantic one night, calling himself wooing (y/n) after a date night by lighting candles, setting up for a massage..you know, the works. Until he takes one too many glasses of alcohol..now he’s dancing around the bedroom naked like a drunk wine aunt to ‘turn you on with his sexy dance moves’ and he accidentally bumps over one of the candles. Now your brand new carpet has a giant burn hole in it………..now you have to explain to the rest of your fire company why and how two experienced firefighters almost set their whole apartment ablaze and more importantly…….why Ace’s dick is out. They just make sure the scene is safe, leave without a word and give y’all the silent treatment for the next week. They’ve seen enough. And now he’s sleeping in the hallway because you can’t deal with him.

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unibeartoon · 4 months

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You heard of death from pibtlw and dark from oatd being related headcannon

I bring you dreams being the reincarnated version of the wishing star

#meme #crack #crack headcanons #orion and the dark dreams #dreams oatd #oatd dreams #oatd #orion and the dark

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animezinglife · 3 months

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ACOTAR Headcanons - Gym AU Edition

Some just-for-fun and weirdly specific headcanons based on my own very regular observations.

Feyre: Feyre is actually pretty typical in terms of gymgoing, who tends to fall into her own zone once she has her playlist up and running. She usually starts on the treadmill and people watches before fully getting into her own zone and opting for intuitive workouts that feel right for her at the time rather than going for strict programs or plans. She doesn't sweat. She glistens. She keeps her attire pretty practical with classic, neutral leggings and a tank top. Often shows up with Rhys even though they separate to do their own thing. Honestly, everyone kind of just likes Feyre even if they don't really know her.

Elain: The Soft Gym Girl™ aesthetic incarnate and the social butterfly who makes friends with everyone in her group fitness classes. Is adored by all the older ladies who work out there and knows them all on a first-name basis, and they bond over gardening. Always has her yoga mat and shows up in paler colors and can fearlessly rock a white 'fit, often with a light wrap sweater or cardigan over her workout clothes. She somehow still always looks put-together and perfect after a workout, a low ponytail with curls/waves still intact and hint of color on her cheeks that makes it look more like she's blushing and less like she's just worked out for an hour. Don't underestimate her, though: she can hold her own in any group fitness class and loves the way they leave her feeling.

Nesta: Don't Talk to Me™. Grandmaster of the RBF, who pulls her hair back tightly in a neat, low bun or severe braid so that no strands stray from their place. She will glare at anyone who tries to speak to her/distract her and will usually completely ignore anyone who makes that attempt without even taking off her headphones. Also looks crazy hot despite it all and opts for sleek, plainer, dark outfits (usually matching sets) in cuts that show off her lean, strong form. Only shows up when she feels like it but somehow doesn't lose strength or stamina.

Amren: The Small But Mighty™, who like Nesta falls a little more into the RBF category but also gains a lot of attention by the absolutely stupid amount of weight she moves for her small stature. She's also the one you never quite know what you'll see doing: she might be deadlifting the weight of two Cassians, or she might be pulling some calisthenics in the corner. Nobody knows much about her. Nobody asks. Has been witnessed talking to Nesta; so far the only time the regulars have seen the former smile.

Mor: Bold Gear Girl. She has no fear when it comes to her wardrobe and will wear anything from unforgiving red leggings, to a bodysuit, to a one-strap sports bra. She knows she looks good and isn't afraid to flaunt what she's got, but she also gets in her zone and can keep up with the best of them in just about any type of exercise. She likes taking classes with others and absolutely kills it in Zumba, but she'll just as easily kill it in kickboxing. Also much stronger than her feminine, curvy frame gives away. When that belt goes on (and it's definitely pink), it's game time.

Rhys: Despite being called "out of shape" by Cassian and Azriel, Rhys is anything but. Like Feyre, he tends to not stand out too much aside from his looks and presence, but definitely still gets noticed for his beauty and sensuality by all the women (and a few men). Definitely dressed head-to-toe in name brand gear that fits his body beautifully to the point of being sinful. The Pretty One™ that's caused at least one gym girlie to walk into a wall or trip over something while trying to watch him. Often shows up with Feyre even though they separate to do their own thing. Has big Married Man and Loyal energy. Wears his wedding ring through every single workout. Silently judges really bad gym 'fits with Feyre. The old ladies who work out there are convinced he's the guy from their sexy billionaire romance novels and they absolutely talk fantasies about him over lunch afterwards.

Cassian: The Fit Pro™. The Trainer, unofficial or otherwise who has the training and education to know exactly how to train his body and others' to maximize both efficiency and benefits. This man is Strong™. He's also built a social media following and has accidentally become something like an influencer because of his funny, easygoing personality and wicked smile. May or may not be hypped up on pre-workout. He will program the perfect workout to meet his friends' goals but is also excellent at improvising. Always willing to train his friends. Unironically and completely intentionally wearing The Sweatpants™. The only man brave enough to ask Nesta how many reps she has left or crazy enough to do so while grinning. Will not do yoga or Zumba. Is convinced both would cause him irreparable injury. Surprisingly agile and quick with rock climbing despite his size. Cannot be left unsupervised for too long. Is universally loved by all of the old ladies and hugs them. The old men really like him too and like to share "back in my day" stories when they used to lift a lot more weight, too. Got kicked out of Planet Fitness.

Azriel: The Strong and Silent Walking Sin™, who always has his headphones on, is always wearing all black, and considers muscle-up ring dips a normal part of his warm-up. This man shows up in layers of black gym gear and is peak V-shape aesthetic, with the kind of shoulder-waist ratio that makes other guys simultaneously jealous and question their sexuality. Nobody knows much of anything about him, but he never misses a workout and he's too many people's gym crush. When that hoodie/pump cover comes off, it's all over. Hits the mat with MMA guys or Cassian on occasion and forces a submission with the former fast. He always knows more about you than you know about him and has probably somehow overheard every conversation you never wanted him to.

Lucien: Simultaneously the Endurance Guy™ and the Social Butterfly™ with a well-rounded, smart training plan. Sure, he's not as big as Cassian or as intense as Azriel, but he's also no slouch when it comes to strength training and is regularly underestimated in it despite his strong, fit body. King of bodyweight exercises with crazy stamina. He's the guy who will overlap you ten times over on the track without breaking a sweat while you're dying. He isn't as quickly noticed when he walks in, but the ones who notice him do so thoroughly. Aesthetics are his middle name. Will kick your ass in a Spartan--only Azriel and Cassian can really compete with him there. Lucien's top of the line in terms of speed and overall agility. Knows everybody's business, but keeps it to himself. Will tease you a little, but will also help you out if you have a question. Likes to wrap things up by lounging by the pool during the warm seasons. Seems like he's spent a lot of time outdoors. Can also handle the rock wall and bouldering like a pro. The old ladies absolutely adore him and keep trying to set him up with their granddaughters.

Tamlin: Pretty, But Distant. Tamlin keeps to himself and focuses mostly on strength training through weightlifting. He's strong as hell but isn't necessarily pushing himself too hard for a new PR. Never asks for a spotter and takes a few seconds too many switching through songs on his playlist. He does genuinely look good, but currently isn't putting off the vibe of someone you could get close to. Not quite getting those revenge reps from his messy breakup in yet, but he's getting there. Raises an eyebrow and stares at grunters with a look of mild annoyance, then ends up moving far more weight with ease and in silence. Unclear if this is out of pettiness or not (but it's low-key funny af).

Ianthe: The Influencer™ with a full face of makeup, a one-strapped sports bra, and the up-the-ass bike shorts trying to get the perfect selfie. Is sitting on the equipment far too long and is starting to annoy people. Spends more time finding the perfect lighting, walking around the gym trying to pick up men, and somehow always being at the front of the weight room doing hip thrusts or bent-over rows with 2 lb. dumbbells. Makes eye contact on the hip abductor.

Jurian: Slightly loud and a little competitive, but also can usually back up his talk and what he's able to accomplish. This guy occasionally disappears at random, but is overall consistent and somehow knows everybody's business (and will bring it up). Probably the one grunting at the same amount of weight Amren's deadlifting.

Tarquin: The Fish™. This man is in the pool at 5:00 a.m. every day and swims a number of laps so smoothly and quickly that Ryan Lochte is nearly able to construct a coherent sentence. When he's not in the pool, he's quietly drifting around the weight room and resistance machines. King of the lat pull-downs. He's pretty sensible overall and doesn't stand out too much outside of the pool even though he looks amazing. Also a popular choice among the old lady crowd. Had to kick Cassian out of Planet Fitness.

Varian: Amren's shadow and designated spotter even though she doesn't need one. Nobody's entirely sure what he does. He kind of just hangs out.

Helion: Gym Daddy™. Helion brings as much knowledge to the floor as he brings swagger. It's hard not to notice him and he's strong af, but somehow makes everything he does look easy and like he's not even trying. Has definitely messed with Cassian at one point or another by "easily" moving a close-to-max weight while carrying on a conversation. Somehow makes everything look slightly sexual even if unintentionally. Keeps thorough records of his training sessions and almost always has a small notebook or notepad with him to do so.

Thesan: The Machines Guy. Thesan likes a workout where he can focus and get into his own zone, and he likes to do so a bit more quietly and on his own time. He's not competitive. He's just here for his health, but is polite if approached. He's fit but isn't the heavy lifter or endurance guy that some of the others are. Pretty generally well-liked; isn't sure how to answer the sweet old ladies' comments about them "having a granddaughter!" for him but is polite about it anyway.

Sorry, I don't know Eris, Emerie, Vassa, etc. enough yet to include them, so feel free to add on!

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