#but she realizes it's slowly killing her apart and she needs to settle somewhere outside the city for good

[rosenfey]

I hear your nomad background I raise you wanda as the member of a traveling musical theater troupe instead. the head of the company is her mother, a fortune teller, who lives with wanda in a ditsy pink caravan as they ride across the desert to deliver performances at the edges of small towns and cities

#ambie.txt #oc: wanda van der valentine #wanda as the girl with a beautiful voice with a head full of dreaaams #trying to make it in the big city ;; #but she realizes it's slowly killing her apart and she needs to settle somewhere outside the city for good #ANYWAY yeah cyberpunk carnival??? musical theatre?? keeping the art alive and what not #I need to figure it out teehee but I'm having so much fun with her!!

[slipper007]

I can't imagine the pain.

Word Count: 3,262

TW: child loss, grief and grieving, discussion of death. See AO3 for complete tags.

Special thanks to @angelfishofthelord and @shirtlesscastiel who both asked for a part 2, as well as @featherasscas , who's reblogged part 1 more times than I can count

Companion to this, + also on AO3. [Masterpost]

Castiel stayed on the ground, broken, for what felt like hours, lacking the strength to look away from the devastation of his grief.

He stayed there so long that the Winchesters gave up hope. They mumbled something about Chuck and the end of all things, of the ghosts that Cas’ total grief had obliterated and how they might not have been all that was released. Castiel didn’t care. He didn’t have it in him to, and maybe the Winchesters saw that. Dean tried to touch his shoulder, maybe even offer an apology, but Castiel shot him a look that ended the conversation they had been dancing around for years. They left him in that graveyard with what was left of his son.

He almost prayed, but what could an angel do to reverse God’s will? No, he needed to do something else. He was desperate enough to try anything he thought would work.

Bargaining. Maybe he could strike up another deal. Whatever the price was, he would pay it happily. He would give his life in a heartbeat, just like before, if it would bring Jack back.

He reached out to Death directly.

He felt Billie’s presence before he saw them and slowly turned as they offered a laid back “Hey.”

“Bring him back.”

“Can’t.”

“Can’t or won’t?”

“Both,” Billie replied. They raised a brow as Castiel drew his blade. “Killing me again? That seems a little redundant.”

“If you won’t bring him back then maybe your replacement will.”

“Everything has its time, Castiel and everything dies.”

“And it wasn’t his time! His story isn’t done!”

“God said otherwise.”

“You’re going to let God do your job? Kill Jack and wreck the order?”

“God isn’t wrecking anything. Every story has different endings. This was one.”

“Then change it.”

“It’s already happened. It can’t be undone.” Billie’s voice was gentler than Castiel expected when they continued. “It’s not fair, or kind, or right, but it’s life. You need to make your peace with that.”

“No.” Billie’s brows drew together and if Castiel didn’t know better, he would think that it was from pity. Even as he spoke, he felt the tip of his angel blade drop. “I can’t accept this, he can’t be...”

“He is. And nothing you do will change that, regardless of what your time with the Winchesters has taught you.”

Castiel felt the lurching ill sensation rise up again.

“What if I go to the Empty directly?”

“Then you die. It keeps both you and Jack. But you know how the Empty works.”

“I still won’t get to see him...say anything...”

Billie touched his shoulder, a rare gesture of remorse from Death incarcerate. “He’s gone, Castiel, but he can live on in you.”

Castiel didn’t answer, and Death left him to grieve.

Even as time ticked by, Castiel was at a loss for what to do. In the dust, he drew the Enochian sigil to create a portal to Heaven, paid it enough attention that for a moment he could pretend Jack was sitting in the truck playing on his phone.

Castiel almost called his brothers and sisters down to open the portal, to take both Jack and him from the Earth, to let them rest for the first time in years. He wanted Jack to know the peace that used to exist in Heaven, the safety of the place he had once called home. More than that, he wanted to be at peace, to quell the anguish and anger writhing in his chest. It would be easier to go back to proper angelhood, forget what it was to feel.

Emotions had never brought him anything but trouble. They’d lost him his family, his home, his friends, his life…

Still, his tongue wouldn’t speak the words to bring his siblings down. He remembered how they’d treated Jack, and him. The angels had manipulated Jack just as the Winchesters had, and they would do so again if given the chance.

Even dead, Jack could still be used as a weapon. His body harbored the remains of not only nephil grace, but also that of the archangel Michael. Those were both cosmic; they would endure longer than his body.

As much as it sickened him, Castiel realized a hard truth.

Not only was Jack unable to come back, but it wasn’t enough to simply lay him to rest. His body needed to be destroyed so completely that he could never be manipulated again.

He only knew one person he could even start to trust with something like that.

“Hello, tweetie pie,” Rowena answered. “Is this a social call?”

“No, I need your help.”

“Now as much as I’d like to, I’m busy. Tell the Winchesters—”

“This isn’t for them,” he said, words coming out harsher than intended. He took a breath and added a gentler, “Please, this is important.”

“More important than—”

“Yes. Can you meet me at...” Castiel faltered. The Bunker wasn’t an option, and he certainly wasn’t going to stay where he was, surrounded by death, destruction, and his son’s wings scorched into the earth. “Uh…”

“I’ll need some time to tie things up in Nevada. Could you perhaps meet me halfway?

“Yes.” Castiel breathed a sigh of relief. “In Colorado? Grand Junction?”

“Alright,” Rowena agreed. “Now tell me what it is you need so I can prepare.”

“I need you to help me burn a body.” He risked a glance to Jack, feeling bile rise up. “So completely that he can’t come back.”

“Dearie—”

“I can’t talk more; I’ll see you tomorrow,” Castiel blurted, hanging up before what little control he had over his emotions could slip.

The drive was even harder than watching him die.

He talked and played music, anything to avoid the screaming silence, the way Jack was growing cold and stiff beside him. It didn’t work. His mind still repeated the horrified knowledge of “this was your child,” a broken record he feared would never stop.

Neither of them would recover from this.

He arrived after Rowena and nearly cried as she offered him a smile in her prim and proper way and asked if Jack would be joining them or staying in the car.

He didn’t know what gave it away. The unnatural stillness and silence of the car, one that he’d grappled with for hundreds of miles, perhaps. Maybe it was a witch’s intuition, since she’d seen enough over the last several hundred years. Maybe it was because he couldn’t answer her, or even look her in the eyes.

“Oh,” was all she said before embracing him. He couldn’t return it. He couldn’t tear his mind from the hug he had given Jack in the graveyard, how he hadn’t hugged back, how he’d kneeled rather than fight, and how he’d died even when Dean couldn’t go through with it. How it felt to hold Jack, limp and soundless in his arms.

The dam broke, and all that pain and grief and anger nearly brought him to his knees.

Rowena saw it: how broken he was, how broken he’d always been. He didn’t know who he was anymore if he wasn’t a father or an angel, yet he was neither anymore. What was he supposed to do now?

Maybe she understood that. She had suffered the loss of a loved one, too. She knew what it was to watch the world die around her, to lose herself for a time.

When Castiel was able to collect himself, pull the broken shards of his being back together, Rowena asked something that almost tore him apart again.

“Dearie, are you sure you want to…”

“I can’t bring him back. I talked to Death, and I can’t bring him back,” Castiel said softly. “I can’t have someone take advantage of what’s… left.”

“But something so permanent…”

“I would do it myself,” he offered, “but I seem to have fallen.”

Rowena gave him a strange look, the likes of which he hadn’t received in years, so he explained.

“I felt it. Something in me breaking. The emotion growing stronger. I don’t know how to describe it… It felt like when the angels fell. The same kind of desperation.”

“My dear, you’re still an angel. You still have your powers.” She looked him up and down. “Maybe you’re not as powerful as you once were, and you’re a smidge weaker than last we saw each other, but you’re far from powerless.”

Castiel looked away, lost.

“Maybe you can’t do it because you don’t want to,” she offered gently.

“What I want is for him to come back. But he needs to be….” He couldn’t bring himself to say it.

Rowena nodded, understanding.

They found somewhere private, somewhere quiet outside the city. The trees stood tall and proud and vibrantly alive. A felled one became the pyre.

Castiel placed Jack on it, still wrapped in the trenchcoat.

The flames that swallowed him were brilliantly red, orange, and gold like the ochre rocks on the horizon.

It took hours, even with the help of magic. Castiel stood by Jack’s side for all of it, even long after the embers had cooled and all that was left was a small pile of ash and smudges of soot. Rowena collected it up in a jar as the sun rose, and Castiel took it in his hands.

It never should have ended like this.

The day carried on as if Castiel’s world hadn’t ended hours ago. He was grateful to Rowena for what she had done, but even sitting in her kitchen he was too lost in grief to thank her.

Standing by a whistling teapot, she finally asked, “Would you like to talk about the wee boy?”

“It hurts too much.” Castiel bit into his lip, hard. What did it say about him, that he could hardly even say Jack’s name? Shame bubbled up, hatred of himself swift to follow.

“It hurts because of how much you loved him.”

“I still love him.”

“Yes.”

The pair fell silent for a long while and Rowena set a cup of hot tea in front of Cas before settling into her own seat.

“Rowena…”

“Yes, tweetie pie?”

“When did losing Oscar stop hurting?”

Rowena bowed her head, and Castiel knew the answer.

“It didn’t,” she finally said. “Just as losing Fergus hasn’t stopped hurting.”

Castiel’s instinct was right. This was something he would never recover from, would he?

“It’s a different kind of hurt, with time,” Rowena offered. “It stops being so keen. You survive and you try to carry on without them, because that’s what they would have wanted.” She stared deep into her tea. “You learn to talk about them, and to them, even though they’re gone.”

Castiel nodded and held his tea closer. He couldn’t see that happening, not with how much it hurt, but she was right: he would survive. With Jack gone, his deal would never come due. Happiness wouldn’t kill him because he would never feel it again.

Rowena offered him a place to stay for a few weeks, but Castiel declined. He couldn’t stay there, not where the earth was scorched and the air still smelled faintly of smoke. Instead, Castiel drove for hours, not paying much attention to where he was going until he found himself parked outside of the Bunker.

It wasn’t where he wanted to be, not by a longshot, but he had something he needed to do. The door creaked as loudly as it always had, and Castiel was halfway across the library before a voice called out to him.

“Cas.”

Dean.

“I’m here for his things. Then I’ll be on my way.”

“Cas, hey. Stop for a moment, would you?”

Castiel did.

“Look, alright.” Dean walked over until they could look each other in the eye. “I’m not proud of how everything went down. And I’ve given what you said some thought. You’re right. It is our fault, but it’s Chuck’s, too, man. You gotta see that.”

“What I see is that you’re finding any excuse you can to get the blame off yourself.”

Dean’s eyes darkened.

“Chuck has been toying with us—”

“No, you made the decision to kill him, just as I made the decision not to. You told me to get onboard or walk away, and I left you and Chuck both of my own choice. Because you taught me that people and families and love are worth fighting for, and I was going to fight for him!” Castiel tried to keep the waver out of his voice as tears brimmed in his eyes. “Chuck couldn’t have changed that even if he’d tried.”

“Maybe he didn’t want to, huh? You think of that? Maybe he wants us divided.”

“You should have thought about that before you tried to execute him in front of me.”

“Cas—”

“You had a choice and you made the wrong one.”

Castiel left him there in the library and locked himself in Jack’s room. Almost instantly, it proved to be too much, and he slumped down against the door, sobbing.

The room was holding its breath, waiting for Jack to come home. A half-read book sat on the desk, a few stray papers underneath. A pile of clothes waited patiently to be returned to a drawer. The nightstand was bare save for a pencil. One good deed….

Castiel packed it all away. He hated himself for destroying the illusion, for leaving the room as empty as his chest felt, but what he was waiting for would never happen. Jack would never walk through that door again. The decoder ring in the drawer would never be used. Everything had fallen into ruin.

He managed to get the first box into his truck with no issues, no run-ins or confrontations. The second box was smaller, and he rested it on a hip as he closed the bedroom door for the last time.

This time, he wasn’t so lucky. Dean watched him cross the room and quietly said, “You’re not the only one grieving him.”

“It’s not the same, Dean. You never felt his soul. You never took the time to know him: you spent your time trying to make up for wanting him dead. Well, you got what you wanted.”

Dean flinched at that, but Castiel didn’t care. His son was nothing but ash and a box and a half of belongings. Anger flared again.

“You think angels can’t feel.” He laughed bitterly. “Even though I’ve proven that wrong. Did you think killing him wouldn’t kill me, too? As if I haven’t given more for him than you could possibly imagine. As much as you’ve given for Sam. My life. My happiness… I signed away my future in a heartbeat so that he could come back and I would do it again. I tried to do it again.”

If only it would have worked.

“Wait, what?”

“I made a deal to save him. When I’m happy, the Empty will take me forever.”

Dean gaped at him in horror.

“Cas, what’ve you done?”

“What I had to. What any father would do. Don’t give me that look. You’ve done worse for Sam.”

“And it’s always come back to bite me in the ass.”

“Well, I haven’t been happy in years, so don’t worry about the deal.”

“You shouldn’t have made it in the first place.”

“Oh, so now only you get to make deals to save the people you love? Only you get to cheat death time and time again while the rest of us suffer?” Castiel looked at him incredulously, anger seeping through him. “Do you know how many brothers I’ve lost? Sisters? Friends? Now Jack. Why can’t I save them? Why should they stay dead when you and your brother have been raised so many times?”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it. We would have figured it out without making the deal!”

“We didn’t have the time! If I hadn’t made the deal I would have lost him forever, right then and there. I couldn’t stand by and watch him die!”

It would have killed him. And it had.

“We would have figured it out,” Dean maintained. “Like we always do!”

Castiel shook his head. “Then you figure it out. If you bring him back, I’ll be back, but until then…” Castiel looked around the wide expanse of the Bunker with a strange longing. This had never been home, but it could have been, just as his friendship with the Winchesters could have been more. He was leaving behind an almost.

“Jack’s dead. Chuck’s gone. You and Sam have each other. I think it’s time for me to move on.”

“Cas, wait.”

As angry and tired as he was—as they both were—Castiel wanted to. A decade of comradeship, of camaraderie and pining, did that, made him reluctant to leave. Then he remembered standing between Dean and Jack, realizing that if that gun went off, he’d lose them both. He knew now that he’d lost them both long before that.

“Goodbye, Dean.”

It was years before they saw each other again.

It took longer than Castiel could ever admit to find peace.

He still ached for Jack to come back, felt the pain in every drawn breath, but Rowena was right. Billie was right. The anger lessened and the pain dulled. He missed his son but Jack would have wanted him to try to move on. He would have wanted Cas to be happy, despite the deal still hanging over his head even if Castiel couldn’t see it ever coming to fruition now. He owed it to Jack to try to be happy.

And he would. He had to. No matter how much it hurt, even if he still wanted nothing more than to bring him back or follow him in death. Jack survived through him, in his memories and his love. He couldn’t let what was left of his son go like that.

He’d moved to Washington, made a home of where Jack had been born and Kelly had died. Where he had burned. It was a little too empty, full of broken promises and loss and regret, as if it, too, struggled to let go. One day it would. Another family would come and clean it out, fill this home with love as it always should have been. Children would run out to the sand, oblivious of the ash mixed in, while their parents painted over Kelly’s mural and took down the pale yellow curtains that had reminded Cas of honey.

One day, all memory of Jack and the world his parents had tried to give him would be gone. But it wouldn’t be today.

Castiel made his way outside, stood where the rift had first appeared. If he looked closely, he could still see the imprint of wings in the earth. This was where he and Kelly had both burned.

Cautiously, Castiel looked to the sky, the twinkling lights of stars against an unpolluted sky. Jack loved space. He would have loved it here, able to see the stars every night without fail.

It was time to let go.

Gently, Castiel let the ash catch in the breeze, wander everywhere it liked and more until it was gone. Jack was gone.

Castiel swallowed hard and tilted his head back up to the sky, to the light of a thousand stars. If he looked hard enough, he could see the golden twinkle of Jack’s grace reflecting back, his eyes glowing against a sea of blue.

“Hello, Jack.”​ 

#cw death #tw child loss #supernatural #castiel #dean winchester #jack kline #dadstiel #spn fic #castiel fic #spncreatorsdaily #creativecaviar #tuserari #userdee #userstarry #usershey #userpris #rambleoncas #useralison #slipper007writes #rowena macleod #billie spn #nonbinary!billie #angst

[xcrystalzero]

all the things i believed

pairing: xiao x reader

summary: you've only seen the boy who lives in the apartment one over from yours a few times, but you knew the look of someone who wanted to seem intimidating when you saw one. so, why was his music taste so adorable?

alternatively, xiao thinks that the apartment walls are a lot thicker than they actually are and accidentally exposes the fact that he's not nearly as angsty as he wants everyone to believe.

note: soft xiao makes me way too happy. also, here is xiao's playlist! i recommend listening while you read :) if you guys like it, i'll make playlists for my fics more often!

"I'll miss you!" Your roommate had her arms wound tightly around your torso and it didn't seem like she planned on letting go any time soon. She was also squeezing just a tad too hard and it was starting to hurt.

Gingerly, you patted her on the shoulder, subtly attempting to pry her off of you with your other hand. "I'll miss you too... But remember, it's only two weeks and then you're back!"

That only served to make her pout even more as she finally pulled away "Two weeks is so long though! How am I going to survive without you and your brownies?"

"Hah, so you're really only worried about not having brownies huh?"

"You know that's not what I meant!" she whined, causing you to giggle slightly. Honestly though, there was no way anyone watching could possibly think that she would only be gone for two weeks. Your roommate had decided that she needed three full suitcases and the world's largest carry-on purse for her little trip, and you were honestly a little worried about it.

"Ahem..." Your bonding moment was promptly interrupted by a soft but very present voice directly behind you. Whirling around, you came face to face with a vaguely familiar figure.

It was the golden eyes that caught your attention first. Even in the strange fluorescent light of the hallway, they almost seemed to have a light of their own, a hypnotizing sort of gleam that you couldn't bring yourself to look away from. Of course, the rest of him was no less than stunning either. Dressed head to toe in black with his angular features and lean build, he was striking.

His eyes widened slightly as you turned towards him though they settled fairly quickly back into what you could only assume was his trademark glare.

"Just... trying to get through." His voice was gruff, but much softer than you had anticipated. Perhaps even gentle?

Oh yeah, that was how you knew him! Your schedules must have been somewhat similar since you were sure you passed him at least a few times a week. You had never talked but you were pretty sure you had seen him going into the unit one over from yours quite a few times.

So this was your neighbor huh? He was cute, if a little intimidating.

"Oh sorry!" your roommate chimed in. "We were just leaving, we'll get out of your way!" She began to scoot her bags to the side and you quickly joined in, wheeling one of the suitcases to the side, though you couldn't seem to keep your eyes off of the guy. Every time you looked away, it was as though your gaze was drawn back towards him by some unnatural force.

It helped that he seemed just as awkward with the whole thing as you did, alternating glancing between the you and your roommate, the floor, and his phone. As soon as there was enough space for him to squeeze by, he did, mumbling a quick thanks as he made his way down the hall, unlocking his door and disappearing into his apartment in what felt like a second.

After a moment of silence, your roommate piped up again. "He's cute!"

"He can probably still hear you!" you whacked her across the shoulder, causing her to pout in your direction again, though the teasing look never left her eyes.

"He's kind of your type too isn't he?" she all-but waggled her eyebrows in your direction to which you rolled your eyes.

"Aren't you already late for your flight"

"Oh shit!"

~~~

The apartment felt so strange when you were alone. Usually around this time of night, your roommate would have come banging on your door to join her for her late night rom-com marathon or to help her chose an outfit or the party she was going to. Tonight however, everything was quiet.

With a sigh, you slumped over onto your bed, scrolling aimlessly through your phone in hopes of finding some sort of entertainment.

That was when you heard it. The soft sound of an instrumental through the wall, slowly building in volume as you assumed whoever lived in that room turned up the volume.

"40 days and 40 nights... I waited for a girl like you to come and save my life..."

Aww cute, love songs! Had you been busy or doing literally anything else, you might have been annoyed, or at least a little worried about exactly how loud they had to be playing their music for you to be able to hear it. As things stood though, it was a welcome distraction.

"You were out of my league, all the things I believed, you were just the right kind yeah you were more than just a dream..."

Oh yeah, you knew this song too! There was a sort of second timbre to the sound and you wondered if the person playing the music was singing along as well.

Wait, who was playing that music. Judging by the sound, it was likely the unit one to your left where their wall joined with yours. The unit one to your left...

Multi-colored hair and golden eyes... The cute guy? Pulling yourself immediately up into a sitting position, you pressed yourself to the wall before immediately realizing how crazy you were acting.

He was just playing music, that wasn't anything weird.

"Romeo take me, somewhere we can be alone..."

Taylor Swift. He was playing Taylor Swift. At that, you started laughing. Wow, appearances really could be deceiving huh? You sighed as you leaned with your back against the wall, letting the vibrations from the music soak into your very being.

You were sure that you'd heard music coming from that unit before but he wasn't usually loud at all. Maybe something was different today? Maybe you'd ask him when you next saw him. And maybe, he'd actually want to talk to you when you did.

Or maybe not.

So for now, you let your head rest against the wall, letting the music and soft singing lull you into relaxation.

~~~

That was it, you despised public transportation. All you wanted was to get out of your apartment for one day and take your work to a nearby cafe. So of course, when you ran outside to catch the bus that came once every hour, the bus driver looked you straight in the eye as he closed the door right in front of you and drove off. And then for good measure, it started raining.

You sighed, burying your face in the backpack on your lap. If the bus app was right, which it rarely was, there was another bus you could take arriving in the next few minutes, so maybe this wouldn't be as awful as you thought.

The sound of footsteps entering the little bus stop booth got your mind off of your moping as you raised your head just enough to peer over at who it was that had just joined you.

Oh. Standing there, hood pulled up over his multi-toned hair and seemingly permanent scowl fixed on his lips, was your hot neighbor. Your hot neighbor with very interesting music taste if last night told you anything.

Since nothing could go right for you, the moment that you looked at him, he looked at you, meaning the two of you got to share a few agonizing seconds of awkward eye contact before he pointedly turned away with a soft "tsk". That being said, you were sure that you weren't imagining the slight tinge of shock you had seen in his gaze for a moment.

"You've got good timing, there's one coming in like 5 minutes." You had no idea how you had managed to get the words out without stuttering or blushing the moment he turned back to look at you.

"That's good..." Yup, that was an expected response, and yet, you really just wanted him to keep talking. So this was the end of your story with the gorgeous emo boy next door. Relegated to exchanging conversation about public transportation and nothing more. It was really the wasted potential here that was killing you. So many cute interactions that would just never happen. Ah if only the bus would come so that you wouldn't have to wallow in your despair any longer.

"I... thought you were leaving yesterday?"

Oh? You whirled around way too quickly to face the man, causing his eyes to widen as he shifted away instinctually.

"Oh, I was just helping my roommate move all of her stuff," you managed to get out, summoning what you hoped was a non-nervous smile to your lips.

"Those were all her bags?" he seemed horrified, enough so that you couldn't hold back your laughter.

"I said the same thing! She's kind of insane sometimes but I love her..." Well, it was no or never. "I'm [name] by the way!" You smiled and extended a hand out towards the boy.

He regarded you for a moment with a look you couldn't put into words. After what felt like an eternity however, he gently took your hand in his own, holding it for barely a moment before pulling back again. "Xiao."

Xiao. There was a strange sense of relief that came with this new knowledge. Know that you knew his name, was it couth to ask him what his favorite Taylor Swift song was? Probably not. But there was a chance that you might literally never be able to talk to him again... Meh, it was as you were thinking before right? Now or never.

"Hi Xiao. I liked your playlist last night by the way." The words came out more effortlessly than you had thought they would, carefree and teasing.

You were a little bit surprised though when you glanced back over at Xiao, only to find him eyes blown wide as a deep red spread quickly across his cheeks. "Y-You!"

"Honestly a pretty good curation! If a little unexpected..." You had no idea what it was about this guy but he really brought the snarky, teasing part of you out. Maybe it was the fact that while he usually looked cold and intimidating, blushing, embarrassed Xiao was strangely adorable.

"I thought you left!" Xiao blurted out. "I mean... There were so many bags... And your roommate said that you guys were leaving..."

You stared blankly at him for a moment before immediately dissolving into peals of laughter. Xiao had the gall to pretend to be offended for a moment before he looked away with a soft huff. "What..."

"You know, I kind of thought you were scary at first," you managed between giggles. "I guess not though!"

"Ugh, you're insufferable." Xiao rolled his eyes though you were sure that you saw the slightest hint of a smile as he did. "Why were you listening through the walls anyway?"

"Xiao, it was literally so loud."

"It wasn't that bad!"

"And I think I heard some singing too! Say, you in a band? Do you guys usually just write love songs?"

"I was not singing!"

There was a strange warmth in your chest as the two of you went back and forth. So things could go right for you after all?

~~~

Sadly, you and Xiao hadn't been going the same way, so when his bus came - before yours you might add - the two of you had parted ways. The sun had been going down when you made your way back home, satisfied with a productive day, though the memory of your conversation with Xiao was still taking up a lot more headspace than you would have liked.

So this is what it was like to simp for a guy? You weren't sure you liked it.

Setting down the takeout you had picked up on the counter, you crashed onto your living room couch with a low groan. Sleep would be nice right about now, but also, you had to eat and shower and clean...

"I wonder what Xiao's doing?" The thought appeared in your head suddenly and you almost smacked yourself right then and there. Why were you always thinking about him? You'd literally spoken to the guy once, and it wasn't anything special! Just some teasing and his little retorts... And his cute blush... And his little smile... And the way he pretended to be annoyed when he was clearly enjoying it... Wow, this was worse than you thought.

"CAN YOU FEEL MY HEART?"

You yelped, jumping up in your seat at the sudden noise, coming once again from the wall separating you and Xiao's units. You paused for a moment but before you could stop yourself, you were back up on your feet, making your way over and banging against the wall.

"You're not fooling anyone Xiao!" you yelled, not sure if he could even hear you. Apparently he could since the music stopped as quickly as it had started. There was a moment of silence as you pressed your ear to the wall, waiting for his next move. What you did not expect was to hear sound in the other direction. A knock on your door.

Confused, you made your way over, unlocking the door and pulling it open to reveal, Xiao? He was still wearing his giant black hoodie, though the glare was missing.

"Did you run out of sugar or something? Or fake angsty songs to play?" you questioned with a grin.

As expected, he let out a soft huff, turning his head away in fake exasperation. "You're a menace."

"So what I'm hearing is that you want me to send in a noise complaint!"

"You idiot... I'm just here to-" For whatever reason, he was blushing again.

"Here to?" you prompted, wondering if you should invite him in or offer him water or something. He was tugging at the collar of his hoodie too...

"J-Just here to say that if you're going to sit there listening through the walls, you might as well just come over..."

Did you hear that right? You stared at him for a moment longer, blinking slowly. This was probably a dream right? You were so tired when you got home that you fell asleep and now you were dreaming.

"I mean, you don't have to if you don't want to..." Or maybe not.

"You know, normal people just invite people over without pretending to be edgy right?"

"Shut it, are you coming or not?"

"Yeah yeah I'm coming. Oh yeah, I got takeout, I'll bring it. It's from that new place down the street, Wangshu Inn. Have you ever had Almond Tofu before?"

"... you're unbelievable."

note: i want a hot neighbor like xiao... i did have a hot neighbor who i did hit on, but then i found out that he had a girlfriend so i stopped... but xiao would be better.

#genshin impact #genshin impact fic #genshin impact au #genshin au #modern au #xiao #xiao genshin impact #xiao x reader #xiao genshin x reader #alatus

[galactic-magick]

As Long As I’m With You: Agnes/Agatha Harkness x Reader

Request: Hi, can you please do where Agnes (a villain) saves fem reader's life because she has feelings for her? In the end they end up together // also took some ideas from this request

Summary: You’re accused of witchcraft in your village, and a mysterious beautiful witch comes to your aid.

Words: 2200+

Warnings: fem reader, Agatha is low key evil so she hurts some people, a swear word, reader has an angsty past

Author’s Notes: This can be read as either a standalone fic or as a prequel to my other fic “Spell Practice.” I took quite a lot of creative liberty with this, hopefully that’s alright. Also disclaimer I am in no way a history expert so even though this is set in like the 1500s-1600s it’s probably very inaccurate, but it’s fanfic so anything goes right?

Taglist: @nyx-aira​ @midnight-lestrange​ @thestrangeundoing​ @thegayances @sleep-deprived-athlete @dr-robotnik-said-hella​ @fallingfor-fics @p-nymph​ @thelanawinterrs @sunproud​ (if your tag didn’t work it might be bc your blog isn’t searchable so make sure that’s on so you’re notified of future fics!)

-

-

-

You had no idea how much your life would change when you left your house that day.

It started out with a simple run to the market and the garden to get what you needed for supper that night, a job that almost always falls to you. You don’t necessarily mind getting away from your family and talking to some people in town, but it’s clear that your family doesn’t want you in the house as much as possible either.

It’s gotten to the point where they’re just looking for a reason to get rid of you. You’re a disappointment, after all. You refuse to marry in order to help your family’s status, even though you’ve gotten a couple offers. You counter your parent’s rules and ideas every chance you get, no matter how much they tell you you’re crazy. They belittle you constantly, saying your dreams are worth nothing and you’ll have to be dependent on them forever if you never submit to the role in society you’re supposed to.

Obviously bullying you out of their lives wasn’t working, so they’ve moved on to spreading rumors about you and setting you up for crimes. None have worked yet, of course, but every day you fear they’ll get too close.

Until you get burned at the stake, though, they’ve given you basically every responsibility of the house. You do all the shopping, cooking, and farming, as well as taking care of your younger siblings. You wonder what they’d do without you, despite how much they seem to want you gone.

As you’re buying a few crops and eggs from your neighbors, you swear you see something move. You turn around and see a little boy floating in the air, screaming.

You drop everything in your arms and reach up to him, trying to grab him and help him down, but he keeps flailing, and his screams start to feel directed at you.

“Hey! It’s okay! Let me help you!” you hold your hand up, speaking as calmly as you can. “I’m not going to hurt you,”

“WITCH!” a man yells as he sees you. “SHE’S A WITCH!”

Everyone around turns and watches you.

“No! No! I’m not the one doing this! I’m trying to help!”

“Let him down and maybe we’ll wait to kill you til tomorrow!” someone else demands.

A couple people march towards you to grab you, and all you can think to do is start running.

You race out of the center of town into the trees, and about five men chase after you. You keep going until it feels like your legs are going to give out and you can barely breathe, but they keep coming.

“Please! Please stop! It wasn’t me I swear!” you cry. “I don’t know what was happening!”

“Shut up, girl,” one grunts. “Your father always said there was something wrong with you, makes sense that you’re a witch!”

“What’s so wrong about witches?” a female voice calls.

You and the men spin around, trying to figure out where it came from.

Before you can blink there’s purple smoke surrounding you, and the men are thrown against the trees. They’re knocked unconscious instantly, but you remain standing and untouched.

“Who are you?” you ask, your voice quivering.

“Don’t be afraid, my dear,” the smoke starts to fade and you can make out her silhouette, then eventually her face. “I’m here to help you,”

She’s beautiful. You’ve never seen someone that immediately feels so friendly, so different in all the best ways.

“It’s alright to stare, I know I’m quite a sight,” she laughs. “I’m Agatha,”

“I’m Y/N,”

“Ah, yes, I’m pretty sure I’ve heard of you,” she smiles. “Everyone in the village can barely stand you,”

“Thanks…?” you’re not sure how to respond, especially after all that just happened. “Wait, if you live in my village, why have I never seen you? And how come you’ve never gotten caught using magic?”

“Memory spells, of course,” she shrugs. “Now, let’s get you somewhere safe, alright?”

You nod, and she wraps an arm around you. She takes you deep into the forest until you reach a small house, the glimmer of the fire peering through the windows.

You settle down on a chair while she makes some tea and food. She offers you a blanket and hands you the cup and plate, sitting down across from you.

“So how long have you been practicing magic?” she asks.

“Oh…I…well actually I don’t know how to use any magic,”

“Really? Why were the witch hunters after you then?”

“I was set up, I think,” you say. “There was a little boy floating in the air, and since I was near him they thought it was me. But I wasn’t doing anything,”

“Well,” Agatha sips her tea. “Sometimes magic can manifest itself subconsciously. Maybe you were doing it but didn’t realize it. It’s quite common,”

“But…how would I have magical powers? I’ve never learned it from anywhere,”

“Some people are just born with the gift,” she grins.

You exhale, thinking over what she said. Could it be true? You’ve been a witch all your life without even knowing it?

 -

 That night, Agatha conjures another bed for you to sleep in. But even though she made it as comfortable as she possibly could, you can’t get a wink of sleep.

You lift off the blanket and wrap it tightly around you, getting up slowly and quietly. You walk outside and sit against a tree, looking up at the stars.

You’re sure your family has heard the news by now. Their disappointment of a daughter is finally gone, accused of witchcraft. It seems that the foreseeable future will be spent with Agatha, the only safe person you have.

You wonder just how much she already knows about you. She mentioned she’s heard people gossiping about you all the time in town, yet she still saved you after hearing all those negative things.

Why is that?

“Can’t sleep?”

You jump at her voice, and she chuckles a bit at your reaction.

“Sorry,” you sigh. “I just have a lot to think about from today, I guess,”

“No worries,” she sits down beside you. “So do I,”

“Agatha,” you say. “Why did you save me?”

“Us witches have to stick together. I saw you were in trouble, so I saved you,”

“But you knew, didn’t you? You’ve known I was a witch long before this, didn’t you?”

“I had my suspicions,” she agrees. “Whenever I heard people talk about you, I figured you weren’t like everyone else. But I didn’t know for sure until today,”

“I wish you had taken me before,” you huff, a few tears falling down your cheeks. “It’s been so bad, Agatha, feeling worthless just because you’re different, everyone hates you…”

She pulls you into her shoulder, letting you cry into it, “I know, dear, I know,”

 -

 It takes you a while to come to terms with your potential powers, but as soon as you’re ready Agatha begins to teach you how to use them. You spend your days studying her spell books and practicing simple spells, most of which you fail at.

She encourages you as much as possible, explaining to you that magic is not something you can learn overnight, sometimes not even over years. She tells you that she’s actually thousands of years old (a surprise to you due to her stunning looks) and she’s been practicing for much of that time, and there’s still some spells she hasn’t mastered.

Your impatience still gets the better of you most days, though. You can’t imagine waiting several centuries to get something to work, if you get it to work at all.

One day you’re sitting at the table, trying out a simple transfiguration spell. You wave your hand repeatedly at a potato, hoping to turn it into an apple. It doesn’t even wobble, not even a single spark, but you’ve been sitting here for hours and don’t want to give up just yet.

You nearly fall asleep from exhaustion when all of a sudden it happens. It works.

There’s an apple in front of you. Not a potato, an apple.

“Holy shit!” you scream. “Agatha! I did it!”

You run over to her and point at your small accomplishment.

“Look at you go, darling!” she smiles, hugging you. “At this rate you’ll be changing rocks into cats before you’re 200!”

You laugh, “Oh come on, this is literally just one of the beginner spells,”

“So what? That’s where everybody starts,”

You break out in giddy excitement again, jumping up and down a bit and looking back and forth just to make sure your creation is still there.

Without thinking, you kiss Agatha quickly on the lips.

She stares at you, mouth open.

Before you can apologize, she grabs your face and kisses you hard. She’s everything you’d imagined and more, soft and warm but with a spark you can’t ignore.

When you finally break apart, her hands linger, brushing across your features and in your hair, “I’ve been waiting to do that,”

 -

 Things change after that, but in only the best ways.

Agatha isn’t just your mentor anymore, the only friend who came to your aid.

She’s your everything now, a soulmate, your home.

You tell her all about your life, and she tells you all about hers. As she has significantly more stories to tell, you’ll fall asleep many nights to her whispering all the legends she lived through that no one else knows are true.

She makes you laugh every day, and makes sure you always know how much she cares about you. There’s only so much you can do in your hidden home in the woods, but with magic the possibilities are endless and she’s never short of romantic ideas.

Tonight you find yourself lying your head in her lap while she plays with your hair, close to the fire so you can watch the little shows she creates with the flames.

“What about love?” you ask.

“What about it?”

“Out of all the stories you’ve told me, you’ve never mentioned being in love before,”

“Well,” she sighs. “That’s because I haven’t been,”

“Why not?”

“It’s just never appealed to me,” she says. “Until I met you,”

“Oh,” you grin, looking up at her.

She leans down to kiss you, but you’re broken apart by a loud noise outside.

You shoot up, looking at Agatha in pure panic. Your heart races as the noise gets louder and louder, eventually leading to shouting and knocks at the door.

“WE FOUND YOU!” a booming voice yells.

“Aggie?” you whisper. Everything crumbles around you. Your perfect, happy life, now about to be stolen from you. You have no idea how they found you, if you are about to be dead, if you’ll be able to defend yourself at all.

She kisses you and stands up, “Stay here. I’ll take care of it,”

With a fling of her fingers the door flies open, and the torches the townspeople are holding are burnt out. She smirks, purple smoke covering the area as she goes through them one by one, some just throwing to the side and others suffering a painful death.

She turns their own weapons against them, their own people against them, and makes them regret everything they’ve ever done.

When she returns to you, you’re still in so much shock and panic you couldn’t tell exactly what she was doing.

“Did you…kill all of them?”

“They got what they deserved for threatening us,” she says nonchalantly. “But we’re not safe here anymore. It’s time to find somewhere new,”

“Okay,” you nod as she pulls you against her. “As long as I’m with you,”

“I’ll always protect you, even when you learn enough to protect yourself,” she kisses your forehead. “Always and forever,”

 APPROXIMATELY FOUR CENTURIES LATER

 “I’m back, darling!” Agatha calls, shutting the door behind her.

“How’d it go?” you run to her, grabbing her hands.

“Splendid, that poor Wanda already loves her new neighbor!”

“Wow,” you giggle. “You know I must say, this whole living in a sitcom thing isn’t that bad, you look gorgeous in that 50s dress,”

“Oh darling, somehow after all this time you still flatter me,” she pretends to fan herself. “I have to go back over real quick, alright? Gotta give her this spicy magazine,” she holds her hand up in the air and magically forms one in her grasp.

“Ah! Be sure to get some ideas to use on me when you get back,” she laugh.

“Oh I will honey,” she winks, kissing you before going out the door.

You settle on the couch, looking around at your home. Out of all the places you’ve moved to together, this was by far the weirdest. There’s no color, and everyone besides you and Agatha and Wanda are under some kind of mind control.

You never imagined that day all those years ago would bring you here, spending your life with a beautiful witch and being her partner in all things, even sinister ones. But you wouldn’t have it any other way, and you know this strange town will only bring you more opportunities to practice your magic and help Agatha with her plans.

#agatha harkness #wandavision #agatha harkness x reader #agnes x reader #wandavision spoilers #wandavision x reader

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

Mind the Gap: Two

Shang- Chi woke up alone in your narrow bed and lay there for a long moment looking at the ceiling. There are plastic stars and dozens upon dozens painstakingly handwritten lines of poetry and little quotes. He wondered how you’d gotten them up there. And he wondered if you kept them because they comforted you. Or inspired you.

It was… weird seeing the parts of yourself you’d tried to hide for so long. The instruments, the books, the crystals. The way the room was flooded with colored light as the sun hit the stained glass. He thoughts of your drab little apartment. The orderliness of it. How minimalist it was. This felt better. Somehow all the missing pieces that gave him any doubts at all made more sense.

He looked at the photos. Little, frozen, out of context moments. People he didn’t recognize. Until he got to the end. Kai in Uniform and holding you, smiling while your chubby dimpled hands cover your mouth. You couldn’t have been more than 5 or 6. All puppy fat and big smiles. That made him feel warm. It was nice knowing that you hadn’t just sprung up somewhere fully formed. And that Kai, for all his unbothered attitude really did love you.

Behind him, he heard footsteps and whirled around to face the door. He wasn’t sure if it was you or not. But. He didn’t want to be caught snooping. So when Katy stuck her head around the door, he exhaled slowly. “There’s breakfast downstairs,” she said quietly, “You okay?”

“Better,” he said after a long second. “I just-”

“I know,” she said. “Her Godmother said she almost died and then-”

“And then she woke up,” he finished.

“And heard someone talking in her head, which- what?”

Shang-Chi made a soft noise that even he didn’t know the meaning of. Last night, he still hadn’t pressed on you for answers. You’d been so disoriented and tired that it didn’t seem quite fair to probe something that obviously caused that much pain. Even as he held you, you’d cried in your sleep, your hands fisted around handfuls of his shirt. And now he didn’t wonder why he frequently found you either awake and working or asleep somewhere else. You talked. Alternating between defiance and begging. It hurt. It tore at him like sharp pointed teeth. It still hurt even in the bright light of day. And he wondered if you couldn’t remember or if- if the Archive wouldn’t let you remember.

“Let’s go eat,” Katy prompted, linking her arm through his. “Lea said Y/N may not be back for hours… Something about everything being a little “off” after she loses a day or two of time.”

He nodded and reluctantly allowed himself to be dragged away from the pictures. His stomach making most of the decision for him. He wasn’t sure what food was down there but it smelled amazing. And he realized that he’d not eaten anything since breakfast the previous day.

In the kitchen, he pauses for a second to take in all the details he hadn’t noticed before. Too worried about you being alone in the bedroom in the attic. Bundles of herbs are hanging to dry. Everything is copper and scrubbed oak work surfaces. The windows are open and the smells from the garden and wet earth from the rain the day before mingle pleasantly with all the pastry smells and warm coffee. It’s comfortable in a way that isn’t manufactured for the house guests. It’s a working room. One that operates the same way year round. And Shang-Chi wondered what happened to keep you away.

Even as your Godmother, Grandmother and assorted cousins quickly ply them all with breakfast and hospitality, he can’t help but feel a little… Overwhelmed. Everyone is just so friendly and warm. No one questions them. No one is apprehensive. And as the talk flies around the table, it’s quickly apparent that you come by your humor and broody tendencies honestly. Your grandmother likes to fuss and she likes guests. She especially likes having ALL of her grandkids at home which he’s given to understand is rare.

Outside there’s the sound of horses and incoherent masculine whooping sounds after a while and She smiles, “I wondered if they’d be back before lunch.”

Shang-Chi watched out the window over her shoulder and she chuckled, “I don’t know how neither of them has never broken their necks jumping that back fence… It used to take years off my life watching them do it when they were small.”

“Daredevils, huh?”

She half shrugged, “It was almost impossible to keep either of them in the house… Wild things.” But there was more fondness than heat in her voice even as she shook her head. “Though their father being what he is, it’s no small wonder.”

He’s only half listening now as he watched you dismount from the horse you’d been riding. Your hair is messy and windblown and there’s color in your face and the careless half smile. There’s a warmth that spreads through his chest, even as his heart skips a beat.

You pause in the kitchen, looking surprised to find people there and glance at the clock frowning before checking your watch. Almost like you aren’t sure which one to believe. “Sit, Eat,” Lea scolds, pressing a mug into your hands and gesturing at an empty chair.

“I don’t think I can,” you say hesitantly.

The taller woman cradles your face in her hands for a second and turns your head to the side to inspect the still fading bruises, “Is it better or worse than it was?”

“It depends on how long I’m out for,” you say after a moment. “It still takes at least a day. But sometimes a week or more.”

“And everything else?”

“The only thing that feels right is being outside.”

Shang-Chi watches Lea and Kai trade worried looks while you studiously look at the mug in your hands after Lea lets you go and deposits you in a chair. “Try any way,” she said softly, setting a plate down in front of you gently. There’s not much on it. A little fruit, some fresh bread and some ham. But even from where he’s standing Shang-Chi can see some of the color leave your face.

“I should call the Aunts and tell them we’re going to cancel the party…” your grandmother said after watching you try to pick at the fruit before giving up and trying a bit of bread.

“I’ll be fine,” you sigh, “It’s just some nausea from getting smacked in the head hell knows how many times and the usual disorientation from not being in the same timezone as everyone else.”

“Smacked in the head?” Katy asked over her mug.

“I made my phone call. The last thing I remember is getting pistol whipped before I was yanked out of the driver’s seat… You would think, given that the Archive lives in my head it would do more to prevent head trauma but… Nah. Who needs grey matter?”

“Driver’s seat?” she asked, wincing.

“It the easiest way I’ve ever found to explain it. This is a meat mech and I don’t always get to drive… The Archive has two main objectives. Protecting the vessel that houses it AND protecting the balance of the universe by preserving knowledge… Anything that interferes with those goals is typically dealt with with extreme prejudice.”

“Typically?” This time it was Wenwu who asked and you half turn that direction and shrug, honestly grateful to not have to pretend to eat.

“Archives have never had their own physical body. By their own account and every corroborating account I’ve ever found they’re… spirits for lack of a better word. A manifestation of desperation. Probably resulting from things like the destruction of the Library of Alexandria and so forth… So they don’t really have any moral quandaries. Not the way a physical entity might.” You sigh and tilt your head, popping your neck to try and relieve some of the discomfort.

“So how-”

“I was the most powerful person in the room when a previous vessel died,” you say exhaling slowly.

“You were a kid,” Shang-Chi said taking the vacant seat on your right.

“It’s- Atypical- according to the Archive for them to inhabit children… Their ability to complete their task can be hindered somewhat by the physical ability of a vessel. But. I had the potential, I guess. So here we are.”

“That was a very coherent explanation,” Kai said mildly.

“Getting out for a while helped make some space to think,” you say shrugging again, “And i did promise an explanation.”

“Space?” Katy asked, frowning.

“Imagine putting all my books into Shang-Chi’s apartment then trying to find something,” you snort. “It takes effort. And a little time. And some shuffling around.”

“Hey!” he protested, throwing one arm over the back of your chair to tug you closer.

“It’s not my fault you live in a literal shoebox.”

“It’s not my fault you’re a nerd,” he chuckles, kissing the side of your head gently.

_________________

You stand on the dock watching the sunlight on the water and sink gratefully onto the warm wood. For a person as introverted as you are, being bombarded on all sides all the time is… Overwhelming. You can hear the people in the distance. The talking and laughing and general ruckus. It’s familiar. But right now you’d kill for silence.

And you aren’t sure but, you think that the Archive might have similar feelings. That in itself is a blessing. You’re tired. Your body is sore. And all you want is to crawl back into your bed.

“You okay?”

You half turn to look up at Shang- Chi and smile a little. “Just tired,” you assure him.

“Are you always… this way?” He doesn’t really know how to put it. Or if you really want company. But, he settles behind you and pulls you against his chest.

“Tired? Yeah. The Archive doesn’t sleep. It interferes with the mission. Which means I’m more often than not awake the entire time… Unless it affects the performance of the vessel. Then I can sleep.”

He doesn’t really know what to say to that. So he doesn’t say anything. Gratified when you don’t pull away he pulls you a little closer and kisses the side of your head.

And not for the first time, you thank whatever gods might be listening for people who understand silence.

Shang-chi isn’t sure when you fall asleep. But when he hears the quiet little snores from your head being in a slightly weird angle, he smiles a little and adjusts you carefully to be laying more securely against his chest. It gives him some time to think.

For the years that he spent dancing around you as you started as a friend of Katy’s, he’d felt a pain. A sense that something was too raw to touch. It had made you feel familiar. It made you feel like a kindred spirit. A twin flame. Even as you both tried to hold back, to love people without letting them see the ugly things you kept hidden. Even as you’d tried to build a relationship on secrets. But now? This moment sitting in the sunshine on the dock with you snoring on his shoulder, it feels more intimate than any time he’d ever managed to get you naked. For you to be this comfortable with him… Not to belittle the sanctity of a drunk make out after a duet at karaoke but… It felt like progress. Real progress. He could see the person you were under all the secrets and little white lies. And somehow, it wasn’t very far from what he already knew.

Footsteps on the dock behind him make him half turn, careful not to jostle you awake. He’s not surprised to see Kai standing there. “Is she asleep?”

He nodded, reluctant to talk in case you weren’t as deeply asleep as you seemed.

“Good,” Kai said relaxing a little. “Listen, Grandma is going to turn this into a party… It’s Charity season and Y/N hasn’t been home for anything in… a while. So the aunts and subsequently all the kids are on their way. If you can I’d carry her into the house and put her back to bed. Once the kids learn she’s here there’s not going to be any more sleeping.”

When Kai noticed him frowning the other man smiled a little. “She means well. After… Everything happened Grandma just didn’t want her to be treated like a leper.” You stir sleepily and both men wince reflexively, “Can you-”

“I got her,” Shang-Chi answered, reluctant to let you go. Not even to Kai.

And to his credit, Shang-Chi thought, Kai let him go past without much more than a nod.

#shang chi #Shang-Chi x reader #fluff #mild angst #magic #family #hurt/comfort

[invisibleanonymousmonsters]

Non-Sequential [Ch. 29]

Pairing: Pre-Serum Steve Rogers/Steve Rogers x Reader

One night, Steve Rogers met a beautiful dame named Y/N. He hadn’t intended on letting her get away. But fate had other ideas. Y/N appeared and disappeared in his life so hauntingly that Steve started to wonder if she was an angel meant to watch over him.

Word Count: 2,500

Chapter 28

The next 5 years simultaneously felt like they were moving too fast and too slowly.

Steve wondered if there would be limited visits from Y/N or if this was the rest of his life: just holding onto the past and praying that the next time she would stay for good.

But he knew that would never happen.

She would always leave.

Steve felt like he had returned to his teenage years when Y/N had first started visiting him. But watching her go now hurt a 100 times worse than back then. During that time, he hadn’t acknowledged that he loved her. He didn’t know what it was like to fully have her. 

What he would give to regain that naivety. He didn’t know how much longer he could handle such torture.

When Y/N did visit the present, Steve tried to seize it as much as he could. He tried to act normal, wait for Y/N to ask the questions so he could figure out what she knew and what she didn’t. By some miracle, she always knew about the snap.

Steve felt lucky, he wouldn’t know how to handle her naivety to how she would die. Nat always told him he was a terrible liar. He could only assume lying to the woman he loved would be even worse.

Steve was sitting at his window, staring out at Brooklyn. There was a steaming cup of coffee in his hand and he was waiting for it to cool down. The sun had just rose past the horizon. Most of the city was still sleeping. He started to enjoy watching it slowly wake up. It was one of the very few joys he found these days.

“Steve?” Her voice whispered from behind him.

He jumped at the sound, shooting to his feet and turning around.

In the process, he spilled some of the coffee on his hand and bare feet.

He hissed at the burn.

“Oh, shit. I’m so sorry!” Y/N rushed forward.

Steve was both so surprised to see her and feel the boiling liquid on his skin that he didn’t realize Y/N was still completely naked.

“I’m fine. It’s OK.” He tried to tell her, only looking into her eyes.

One time Sam asked about the binding nudity that came with Y/N’s time traveling. He asked about it in a way that wasn’t really a question, but like he clearly wanted Steve to comment on it.

“Just so we’re clear, you’re asking what I think about my girlfriend being forced to be naked when she’s also forced to time travel at any given moment to a place she doesn’t know? Did I get that right?” He’d said it with the classic Steve Rogers sass.

But Sam got the point and never brought it up again.

Y/N’s nudity wasn’t something sexualized by Steve. He’d grown used to it. He assumed most people saw their naked wives and girlfriends, and only linked it to sex. But all it did for Steve was remind him of Y/N’s vulnerability.

Her skin was unprotected from the elements. That’s why she had almost frozen to death during the first time she ever traveled.

Her skin attracted unwanted attention. Steve would never forget when Y/N appeared at his military camp, standing innocently in front of an army that hadn’t felt a woman’s touch or seen a female body in months. He didn’t like to think what could’ve happened if Bucky hadn’t been there to look out for her.

Her skin reminded Steve that even though she didn’t don a uniform, there was still something about her that forced her to be different from the world – just like him.

Now her skin told Steve that she was much younger. 

There was no scar from getting shot during the Battle at the Triskelion, a scar on her abdomen from the medical team at the compound digging out a bullet. Then there were the scars that should’ve been scattered across her skin from when she was tortured by Hydra. Thanks to Wakandan medicine, they were almost invisible. But Steve was familiar enough with Y/N’s body that he could still just barely point them out. Those were nowhere to be seen either.

Which meant that the Y/N standing in front of Steve was from a much younger time.

“Did we…did we break up?” Y/N’s lip trembled as her eyes filled with tears.

Steve stepped forward. “What? Why would you think that?”

Her eyes looked around the room. “None of my stuff is here. It doesn’t even look like I live here.”

But it was true. There was hardly any personality to his Brooklyn apartment. Anyone that knew Y/N would expect her apartment to be filled with warmth, and the perfect lighting, and everything that made a home intimate and charming.

“Steve, did we break up?” Y/N’s voice shook as she repeated the question.

Tears were streaming down her cheeks and Steve couldn’t handle it anymore.

He closed the distance between them and pulled her into his body.

“Hey, hey, hey,” he muttered. “It’s OK. We didn’t break up.”

At least he didn’t technically have to lie about that.

She pulled away from being tucked into his body to look at his face. “What is this place?” It was still obvious she didn’t exist in this space.

“We just bought it,” Steve was quick on his feet. “It came furnished and we haven’t moved all of our stuff in yet.”

Y/N seemed to believe him. “Where am I?”

“You’re away on a freelance job.”

She nodded, processing the new information.

“Would you like some clothes?” He asked her gently.

Y/N laughed lightly, apparently having forgotten that she was fully naked. 

She sniffled, trying to clear her nose and nodded.

A few minutes later, Y/N was in Steve’s sweats, sitting at his kitchen island with her own coffee cupped between her palms.

“I’m sorry – again – that I scared you into spilling coffee on yourself,” she winced.

Steve chuckled. “Y/N, believe it or not, I’ve suffered much worse injuries than hot coffee burns.”

“Right,” she smiled. “You’ve just casually been shot a few times and survived a plan crash.”

He quirked an eyebrow. “Amongst other things.”

“Amongst other things,” Y/N agreed and repeated back.

A peaceful silence settled between them.

Y/N’s eyes narrowed. “You know, I don’t believe you.”

“About the hot coffee?”

“About us not being broken up,” Y/N confirmed.

Steve just tightened his jaw. He didn’t know how much more he could lie to her.

Y/N slowly stood up and closed the distance between them. When she was in his space, she carefully reached up to brush his cheek with her thumb.

“Your eyes… they’re so sad. And they get even sadder every time you look at me.”

“We’re on a break,” Steve quickly told her. He hoped a half lie would save him.

Y/N nodded. And he knew that she believed that one.

She opened her mouth to ask more.

“Please, don’t ask me to say more about it,” Steve begged.

Y/N just nodded.

But then she stepped even closer to him. “Do you miss me?” She whispered as her gaze flickered down to his lips.

Steve’s chest hurt from the question alone. Present and future Y/N had never prepared him for having interactions like this.

He just nodded his head, knowing that if he tried to say actual words then he’d just let out some pathetic whimper.

Y/N leaned even closer. Her gaze flickered to his, silently asking him if he wanted her to stop.

But Steve didn’t have that sort of self control.

So Y/N kissed him.

And he felt her surprise when he responded with a hunger she didn’t expect.

Without hesitation, he pulled her closer. But it still wasn’t enough. Then his hands slid down the outside of her thighs and then gripped the back of them. He scooped her up and pulled her hips to his waist, holding her there until she realized she needed to wrap her legs around him. But it still wasn’t enough.

He pulled away from the kiss. “Do you want me to stop?” His words struggled while he also tried to catch his breath.

Y/N gave him a shy smile and shook her head before giving him a sweet and precise peck on the lips.

“No, I don’t.” Then she laughed, “But maybe we could move this to the bedroom.”

Even if she wasn’t his in this time period, Y/N still knew what Steve needed. And she was more than willing to give it to him. 

——————————

Steve always got this guilty feeling after sleeping with a version of Y/N that wasn’t her present self. No matter how many times Y/N told him it wasn’t, Steve could always convince a part of his mind to believe he had cheated.

Y/N had fallen asleep so quickly. It didn’t matter that she was out of her time. She always felt safe with Steve.

Meanwhile, Steve wouldn’t allow himself a second of sleep. He wasn’t going to waste a moment with Y/N by not being awake. How could he?

Instead he held her naked body against his chest. He switched back and forth between tracing the line of her spine to thumbing circles on her shoulder.

The more time he spent without Y/N in his present, the harder it was to watch her other selves leave him.

He glanced at the clock on his nightstand and sighed. He had to go to his group therapy in a few hours.

If Y/N was still here by then, he’d skip it. Lie and tell them he was sick. 

Those sessions made him feel like a mockery anyway. At least once a week, he sat in a circle and told people they needed to move on with their lives. Meanwhile, he was still in a relationship with his dead girlfriend. She was a ghost that haunted him. He lectured other people how to live their lives in a post-snap world when he couldn’t go a minute without hoping a future or past Y/N would visit him soon.

Steve was taken out of his thoughts when Y/N stirred next to him.

She wasn’t waking up; she was leaving. 

He saw her body start to fade.

There was nothing he hated seeing more than watching Y/N travel.

Was she going back to her own present? Was she going somewhere else? Would she be safe? Would this be one of her trips where she got hurt or almost killed?

And then, just like that, Y/N was gone. And Steve was alone once again.

Steve hoped his sheets would smell like her for longer than they did last time.

He should probably shower before he went to group, but he didn’t want to lose the feeling of her on his skin. He just wanted it to linger, if that was even possible.

That’s when he decided he needed more than a talk with a group of strangers. He needed a friend – a real friend – who knew what he was actually going through.

——————-

Steve hated going to the compound since the snap.

It was like going to a haunted house.

He never knew what memories would be resurrected when he visited.

Sometimes it was just the way the sun lit the room for a second or he’d catch a certain smell, then he was suddenly thrust into a memory linked to Y/N.

Steve found Nat in tears. 

It was subtle, but it still broke his heart to see her upset. She was the strongest of them all. If she couldn’t hold it together, that’s when the rest of them truly knew how bad things really were.

“Ya know, I’d offer to cook you dinner, but you seem pretty miserable already.”

“You here to do your laundry?” She teased, trying to hide that she’d lost her composure for even a second.

“And to see a friend,” he added.

“Clearly your friend is fine.”

“What if your friend is the one that’s not?” He offered.

Her forced smirk faltered. “She show up today?”

Steve sighed and nodded. “She thought we broke up. It took one look around my apartment to know she didn’t live there.”

“You’re a terrible liar, so I could only imagine how that went.”

“Well, I eventually got her to believe we were just on a break, instead of telling her that she was…”

“Dead?” Nat offered.

Steve’s jaw just tightened at the word. He moved to sit across from her.

“It’s the first time she didn’t know about it. And now I’m wondering if I prefer the version of her that doesn’t know what's going to happen to her.”

Nat just hummed, understanding what he meant.

Steve’s eyes glazed over as he thought about it. “How was she able to just live every day knowing what was going to happen?”

“She had to learn to accept what she couldn’t control awhile ago, Steve. She didn’t have any other choice.”

“Why couldn’t she tell me?” He thought aloud, frustration clear in his voice.

“Because she knew you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You would’ve made yourself crazy trying to stop what you couldn’t. Nothing else would’ve mattered...including her.” Nat sighed. “Maybe she just wanted to embrace what little time she had with you. She can ignore the ticking of a time bomb, but not you.”

Steve knew Nat was right.

Suddenly, there was a ping and a hologram appeared in front of Nat.

She pressed a few buttons in the air and a video played out.

Next thing they knew, Scott Lang was fumbling his words at the front gate’s security camera.

Steve slowly stood up. Scott Lang was meant to be dead. “Is this an old message?”

“It’s the front gate,” Nat told him.

An hour later, Scott had stopped his pacing and explained his time travel theory.

Steve looked at Nat and immediately knew that she didn’t find Scott as crazy as he did.

But Nat had been searching for hope these past 5 years, while Steve refused to let it into his life.

“Tomorrow we’ll go see Tony,” Steve confirmed. “For now, you should get some rest, Scott.” Then he looked at Nat. “We all should.”

That was code for, ‘Don’t get excited.’

She clearly got the underlying message, but refused to ignore the hope.

—————————

Steve walked into his old room at the compound. He was only ever there when he visited Nat, which wasn’t often at all. He only kept some things there because he saw the hurt in Nat’s eyes when he had once suggested he completely clean it out.

When he turned on the light, he immediately noticed an envelope on the nightstand.

It was a letter addressed to him at the compound.

But Steve’s heart raced when he recognized the writing as Y/N’s.

“FRIDAY, where did this letter come from?” He asked the AI.

“It arrived in the mail today, Captain Rogers.”

He ripped it open instantly, his hands shaking in the process.

But there were only three words for him to read:

Listen to Scott.

Steve felt his heart beat faster.

And for the first time in 5 years, he felt hope.

-------------------------

Ya’ll, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

#non-sequential #non-sequential series #non-sequential chapter 29 #steve rogers fic #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers reader insert #pre-serum!steve rogers #pre serum steve #pre-serum steve rogers x reader #captain america x reader #captain america fic #steve rogers angst #pre-serum!steve rogers x reader

[ritzbernal]

Regrets and Realizations

So I need to do work but I have to let this out my system so I can focus (ehem let's see). It's been on my mind for a whole week already! I, uhm, am not really a writer but Vincenzo forced me to be one. Read at your own risk 🤣

Takes places after episode 16 after threatening Jang Han Seok and Choi Myung Hee. Vincenzo coming face to face with regrets of losing his mom and realizing how he doesn't want to lose Cha Young.

Read in ao3

----------

"Regret is the most painful thing in life."

These words echo in Vincenzo's head as he was driving back to the hospital after his encounter with the Babel quartet. He says it so often to people as advice yet with himself, he doesn't know how it applies. Maybe because the life he led in Italy allows him not to have regrets.

Anger. That's all he felt for his mother before he learned the truth. The truth that she left him in the orphanage not because she didn't love him, but because she had cancer. She was afraid to leave his son dying so she chose to send him away.

I'm sorry I couldn't keep my promise that I'd come for you soon.

He learned that she looked for him for several years and that after everything that has happened, she still loves him.

There hasn't been a single day that I haven't thought about you.

And now all he felt was regret. Yes he killed the man who killed his mother in front of Jang Han Seok and Choi Myung Hee, but it is not enough. They have crossed Vincenzo and there's no other way for them but down.

He recalled the days when he visits his mom and during those days, Cha Young was with him. Hong Cha Young. She is the reason why he chose to forgive his mother. Because of her, he got to spend a few intimate hours with her - taking selca together, buying her bunggeopang, buying her a bag, taking a stroll with her. If it weren't this strong-willed lawyer who was always by his side, he wouldn't get to spend those precious moments with her. She has slowly become his rock, his foundation, his reason to fight. She supported him even when she knew his deeds.

This made him think of what could have Cha Young felt when her father was intentionally killed by Wusang and Babel. He wasn't even there for her when it happened. He even told her that she should have been a good daughter sooner. It must have been hard for her then. He gripped the steering wheel while he thought of Cha Young in his shoes months ago. If there's anyone who can understand him now, it's Cha Young. And if there's someone who can understand Cha Young, it's him. Funny how their circumstances parallel each other.

-----------

Vincenzo arrives at the hospital with blood on his hands and neck. His white shirt stained with the blood of his mother's murderer. As he went out of his car to get inside the hospital, he took his phone from his coat and called Cha Young. She picked up at the first ring.

"Where are you? Are you okay?" Her voice is filled with worry, fear, and relief. Fear that something might have happened to him without her saying how much he means to her and relief that he finally called, that somehow he's not in danger.

"Byeonhosa-nim." Vincenzo said with the hint of tiredness and loneliness. His tone was cold and void of emotion.

"Yes. Where are you? Did you make him pay? I convinced the staff to wait a little while before proceeding with cremation. Mr. Nam and I will take care of the papers, don't worry. Where are you?" Cha Young said in a single breath. She shuffled outside the morgue to see if Vincenzo has arrived at the hospital.

"Byeonhosa-nim. I have something to tell you."

"What is it?"

"I'm sorry."

"For what? What's wrong? Where are you right now?" He can sense the worry in her voice. He knows she's acting strong but inside she's crumbling for Oh Gyeong Ja's unfair death. Vincenzo now taking the stairs to where Cha Young is. It's good that there were few people in that part of the building at that time. He would have caused a commotion with how he looks right now.

"Make sure you catch him. No, make him pay." Cha Young's words assured him that she trusts him, that she will stay with him no matter how many crimes he commit. Her words were the catalyst for him to make pay whoever did that to his mom. Then he remembered his thoughts during the car ride. He wasn't there for her. But Cha Young chose to be the bigger person and reminded him that regret is the most painful thing in life.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when Mr. Hong passed away. I even amplified that you were not a good daughter to your dad. And yet here you are with me. I really don't deserve you." His tone became soft as he apologize to Cha Young.

"Yah. This is not the time to be saying such things," she said gritting her teeth. "Byeonhosa-nim, please, I just need to know where you are right now and that you are safe," her voice cracking.

The last time he heard her almost crying was when the victim's family was unrightfully murdered. How he wants to hug then, to comfort her, yet he chose not to. He was afraid to overstep the boundaries. But right now, all he wants to do is hug her and not let her go.

Vincenzo spots Cha Young half crying outside the morgue, speaking to him on the phone. He should be the one emotional right now, but Cha Young looked like she was the one who lost a mother. With light steps he walked towards her. She was too preoccupied with their conversation that she didn't notice Vincenzo was already behind her.

"Vincenzo Cassano, where-" Vincenzo ended the call and placed his phone inside his coat.

"Yah!" Cha Young half cried half shouted on the phone. Tears were already welling in her eyes. Then without a word, he swiftly went and hugged her from behind, engulfing her in his embrace. His bloodied hand on her waist; his face buried in her neck. He took the phone from her right hand, tucked it inside her the pocket of her pants and then gently moved his hand back to her waist.

"Byeonhosa-nim. What are you doing?" She wants to turn around but Vincenzo's arms is tight around her.

"Back to byeonhosa-nim again? I'm sorry. This must have been how you felt before. I feel terrible."

"Yah. Don't make me cry anymore. Listen, it's not your fault. Please don't blame yourself. Let's not talk about that. Are you hurt somewhere?" Then Vincenzo loosen his arms from her and Cha Young was able to free herself from Vincenzo. She turned around to look at him. Gone is the cold gaze before he left earlier. With shaking hands he searched his arms, his torso and his chest to see if he has any injury. Aside from a few bruises on his fingers, thankfully he's not hurt anywhere else. Finally she settled her right hand on his face with an attempt to wipe away the blood stains.

Vincenzo was looking at her intently the entire time she was searching his body for any injury. This is the closest physically they have been after their charade as a couple. His left hand went to caress that Cha Young's hand and leaned his head. Her hands are warm on his cold cheeks. He closed his eyes and he spoke, "I'm fine."

"I was so worried. Why would you end the call without saying something?" She removed her hands from his cheeks to hit him in the shoulders just as she did before when she's irritated or excited. But he was quicker and took her hand back to his cheeks.

"I'm sorry. I'm here now."

"Will you please stop saying sorry?" Now they are looking at each other's eyes. The tension between them building up.

"Thank you for staying with my mom."

"I'm returning the favor. You stayed with my dad when I was busy fighting against him. Let's go in." She said changing the topic and dragging Vincenzo by the hand enter the morgue and say his final goodbye to his mom.

"Byeonhosa-nim," he said keeping her from walking, "today I have declared war with Babel. We still have a long war to fight and I don't want to lose you in the process. After mom's funeral, we have to arrange things so I can keep an eye on you. Either I stay in your house or you stay in my apartment." There was a pause and sigh before he uttered, "I can't lose you, too."

"Why?" she asked not looking at him. I can't lose you too. His words echo in her head. Something in her anticipate that he will confess his feelings for her. He's been very subtle about his words and actions towards her but this hug means something else. She wants him to acknowledge his feelings and accept that he deserves love.

"Just agree please and don't ask anymore questions." Because I love you, Hong Cha Young, in his mind he said. But these are the words she was not expecting. Maybe he needs more time. He just lost his mom. I need to stay with him. She sighed and said, "Okay. We'll stay at my house."

---------

So I finished it at last! It's my first fic in long time (oh the power that Vincenzo has). I figured Vinnie will save the confession a little later because what will we viewers look forward to? I hope you enjoyed this short fic!

Edit: I refined it a bit? LOL I might be writing the continuation of this. Chayenzo in Cha Young's house.

Here is Part 2!

#Vincenzo #Chayenzo #Excuse me while I focus on work #ehem #I really want a chayenzo backhug so I made it happen! #I also want Vincenzo to realize what cha young felt when her father died #vincenzo fic #chayenzo fic

[marjansmarwani]

drop what I’m doing and sit beside you

6.4k || ao3

The past few months have been a lot, and Judd is feeling the strain. Ever since the accident, he has devoted every spare moment to making sure Grace was okay until she finally insists that he take some time to himself. So he decides to head to the cabin he used to visit with his old crew, TK in tow and Carlos staying behind with Grace.

But what starts out as a calm and relaxing weekend takes an abrupt turn and Judd is left hurt and TK is left trying to figure out the best way to save them both. ------ Day 2 of @911lonestarweek: "Please, stay awake" + “I’m right here, I’m not leaving, okay.”+ Cauterizing a wound for @badthingshappenbingo

Judd and Grace deserve some love so here is a take on “I’m right here, I’m not leaving, okay” prompt requested by @immortalstrand ages ago. She asked for Judd and TK being brothers, so I also managed to squeeze in some Tarlos and some cauterization, requested by Max for bthb. 

------------

The last few weeks had been a lot, to say the least. 

They had careened directly from a pandemic (that was still going on) to a damn volcano straight into a forest fire. They had lost one of their own and hadn’t had a moment to catch their breaths, let alone properly grieve. The universe didn’t seem too keen on them having a moment to process. 

From there it had been smaller things for a while: a minefield, TK switching to medical, whatever it was that was going on with Owen and Gwyn. Small interruptions to their everyday that were just enough to upset their equilibrium and set things off balance. But they were manageable; small stumbling points in their forward momentum. 

Until they weren’t. Until the molehills became mountains and Judd was reminded again what it was like to not be able to breathe in the face of fear. The feeling of the breath being stolen from his lungs was not a new one, but one that he hated. 

But he had hated what he was hearing even more: the paramedic team was missing. Nancy; who was his sole link to the time before, to his old life with his brothers that were no longer here. TK; his cocky, annoying, and big-hearted little brother. Tommy; his friend, a person he relied on and whom he owed the world to for introducing him to Grace and bringing him the greatest happiness he had ever known. They were missing and probably in danger and Judd couldn’t do a damn thing about it. 

But then they were found, and he could breathe again; if a little tensely. Because they were all alive but TK was hurt and it could have been so much worse but it hadn’t and he had to keep reminding himself of that. They were okay, and everything was fine. 

Until the rain and the blaring of a horn and the sensation of falling before the staggering crash of hitting the water and the desperate fear that was so much more real than any of the rest of it because it was Grace this time and nothing he had ever faced could be as bad as that. 

But slowly, they healed. The moment Grace opened her eyes again and smiled at him Judd swore rivaled their wedding day as the happiest moment of his life. As long as Grace was okay everything would be fine. And it was. It wasn’t easy, but it was okay. They were okay. His injuries had been minor, comparatively speaking, but Grace’s had been much more dire, and much more lingering. They had impacted their very way of life and every day was a bit of a struggle, but it was worth it. Any moment he got to spend with his wife safe and whole beside him was worth it, no matter how difficult. 

But eventually, things became something close to normal and Grace was tired of him hovering over her in every spare moment. 

“You need to do something, my love,” she had told him. “Take some time, go somewhere.” When he had protested she had simply shaken her head. “I love you, Judd,” she said evenly, “but if you don’t let me be for a few days, I’m going to lose my mind.” 

And so, in the face of his wife’s unwavering gaze, a plan had formed: there was an old cabin, about an hour outside the city. Judd and some of his teammates used to take a trip there at least once a year, often more. It had been almost two now since Judd had last been there, but he figured now was as good a time as any. He floated the idea to his new team, in the interest of keeping the tradition alive. Paul and Nancy turned him down outright, though they were touched. Marjan had a roller derby bout that weekend and Tommy didn’t want to waste any of her time with her girls. Which left him with TK and Mateo, who both eagerly agreed. 

Judd couldn’t hide his surprise at TK’s ready acceptance, making some comment about the city boy camping which caused the younger man to roll his eyes. 

“You do realize that you can leave New York, right?” he asked sarcastically. “There’s a big state outside the city and plenty of places to camp. My dad and I used to go whenever we had the time when I was growing up. It’s been years, but I doubt camping has changed all that much.” 

Judd didn’t have much to say to that so he settled for mussing up TK’s hair, causing him to give an indignant squawk and Nancy to laugh. The pieces began to fall into place the closer they got to the actual date. Judd had confessed his hesitation of leaving Grace completely alone to TK only to have Carlos offer to stay at the house with her when he wasn’t working. More surprising than the offer was Grace’s ready acceptance of it. 

“You think you boys are going to have fun,” she teased Judd, “but I’d wager that Carlos and I can give you a run for your money.” 

Which didn’t exactly instill much confidence, but if there were two people Judd Ryder trusted in the world, his wife and Carlos Reyes certainly made the list. So Judd thanked Carlos (and TK, who he was certain had something to do with it) and moved forward. 

The day of their excursion dawned bright and clear and found TK and Judd securing the last of their gear in the bed of Judd’s truck. Mateo had come down with a stomach bug the day before, leaving them with just a duo for the weekend. 

“I don’t know,” TK quipped as he deftly caught the bag Judd tossed him before setting it down in the truck bed he was standing in, “think we’ll be able to handle it?” 

“Handle what?”

“So much time together, just the two of us.” 

Judd shrugged, “I don’t see why not. Besides, you get annoying enough there are plenty of places to dump a body.” TK rolled his eyes as he climbed down from the truck but Judd continued contemplatively, “Could easily make it look like an accident too.” 

“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that,” a new voice deadpanned and Judd turned to see Carlos and Grace approaching. The young cop raised an eyebrow and TK smiled at him as he stepped into his boyfriend’s space. 

“Or otherwise you’d have to arrest him on suspicion of murder?” he teased lightly. 

“I don’t know about that,” Carlos countered as he snaked his arms around TK’s waist, “you know what they say: no body, no crime.” 

“So you have to wait until after he murders me? Wow.” 

“Sorry babe, I don’t make the laws.” 

“Rude,” TK exclaimed, but leaned in for a kiss anyway. 

Judd rolled his eyes at them, only to get a swat from his wife. “Don’t pretend that we were any better at that point in our relationship Judd.” 

Judd grinned and leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head. “Who says we’re any better now?” he asked, causing Grace to giggle and half-heartedly swat at him again. He leaned even further to pull her into a lingering kiss. When they pulled apart he studied her for a long moment. He wasn’t ready to leave her just yet. What if…

But his spiral was interrupted by her firmly shaking her head. Judd wasn’t surprised that she knew where his thoughts were going: she knew every inch of him and it was all hers. 

“Judson Ryder I will be fine. Which is more than I can say for you if you don’t take some time for yourself. You need to recharge, my love. Go and take that city boy and show him how to rough it. I’ll be here when you get back.” 

Judd swallowed and nodded, forcing a smile in the weight of his wife’s expectant gaze. He leaned down to give her one more kiss before straightening and throwing a glance at TK who was still talking closely with Carlos, still wrapped in his embrace: “You ready to get this show on the road, lover boy?” 

TK leaned in for one last fleeting kiss before turning to face Judd with a smirk: “Ready when you are, Cowboy Judd.” 

Carlos shook his head and came to stand beside Grace, clapping a hand on Judd’s shoulder as he passed him. “Try not to kill him, if you can,” he requested lightly. “I do kind of like him, after all.” 

“I make no promises, Reyes,” Judd shot back. He went to step away, but paused. He looked back at Carlos, needing to say how much he appreciated what the younger man was doing but Carlos shook his head before he even had a chance to form the words. 

“I’m happy to do it, Judd. Besides, I know you’d do the same for me.” 

Carlos flicked his eyes to where TK was checking the bungee cords over the truck bed and Judd nodded. Of course he would, that’s what family does, after all. 

“Alright kid, let’s hit the road,” he said instead, turning back to the truck and TK. “We’re burning daylight.” 

TK sent a wave in the direction of Grace and Carlos before climbing into the passenger side of the truck. Judd walked around to the front and pulled open his door, turning to give Grace one last look. She sent him a warm and reassuring smile and he forced himself to take a calming breath. She would be fine, it would be okay. 

With that he shot her a grin before climbing in himself and pulling away, already counting down the seconds until he would be back by his wife’s side. 

---------

Grace had been right. 

Which shouldn’t surprise him after all these years, but the fact remained. 

It turned out that this had been exactly what he needed. To get away for a while, to spend some time in the fresh and open air. He had been worried, before they came, that being back here would bring up old memories of the family he had lost. And it did, but not in a bad way. He had been struck by it the moment they had arrived, when he had opened the door to the familiar room that even now seemed to echo with the sounds of their laughter. He had paused, overwhelmed by the force of it all when he felt a cautious hand on his arm. He glanced over to see TK looking at him carefully. 

“You okay?” he asked and Judd took a deep breath before nodding. 

“Yeah,” he said lowly, “it’s just been a while, you know? And the last time I was here...things were different.” 

He didn’t expand but he could tell by the look on TK’s face that the young paramedic knew exactly what he wasn’t saying. He nodded, glancing around the room as if he too could see the ghosts. “What to tell me about them?” 

He looked at TK sharply, surprised but the other man just shrugged, “I think I’d like to know more about them, if you feel like talking about it.” 

Judd looked away from his friend to study the empty room again. They had come here so often, every single inch of the space held a memory. More than he could ever forget and, as had happened more and more often with time, he realized he didn’t want to. “You see that part of the ceiling over there that looks cleaner than the rest?”

TK followed his pointed finger and nodded when he saw the ceiling tile that stood out as starkly more white than the others. 

“Let’s just say you are not the worst firehouse cook I have ever seen, kid.” 

TK glances up at the ceiling and then back at Judd, eyebrow raised. “Do I want to know?” 

“Why don’t I tell you and we’ll find out.” 

-----------

The rest of the day passed in a similar way, the two men chatting as they set up camp and Judd filling the space with whatever story of his old crew’s antics he thought of at that moment. 

“I think I would have liked them,” TK noted once he caught his breath after a particularly entertaining story about a wild turkey and a very startled probie who did not know they could fly. 

“Oh, you would have,” Judd agreed. “And you would’ve all gotten along like a house on fire. It’s Austin I’d be worried about.”  

TK rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to their surroundings. They were on their way to a trail Judd said they used to frequent that apparently had some great views from the peak. Judd was in his element now, sharing stories and showing TK around the patch of forest he knew so well. There was apparently fishing in the creek on the agenda for tomorrow and while TK would be lying if he said he was enthused by the idea, he was happy to see Judd happy. The past month or so since the accident had been hard on them all, but none more than Judd. Seeing him standing a little straighter and smiling a little wide brought TK a relief he hadn’t been expecting. 

He was so lost in his thoughts he almost didn’t notice the ground give way underneath his foot until it was too late. He flailed, windmilling his arms in a desperate attempt to catch his balance but it proved to be unnecessary when Judd reached out and caught him, steadying him and pulling him back to even ground. 

“Easy there,” he said firmly, “you good?” 

“Yeah,” TK responded after his heart rate returned to normal. “Yeah, I’m good. I don’t know what happened though. One minute I was walking and then...”

“And then you weren’t,” Judd finished helpfully, looking past TK to the spot he had nearly fallen from. TK followed his gaze to see that the edge of the trail they had been walking had crumbled under his feet. 

“Looks like erosion,” Judd observed with a frown. “I knew they’ve had a lot of rain up this way, but I didn’t realize it would have been enough to affect the land.” 

“That’s global warming for you,” TK retorted wryly, stepping closer to the middle of the trail, “and I don’t think it’s going to be any better as we get further.” 

Judd nodded, “Yeah, we should probably turn back.” 

But even as he said it TK could see the disappointment playing out on his face. This was important to Judd, and this weekend was all about giving him a break from all of the shit he had been dealing with for the past month. If that meant walking a slightly less than stable trail for a few hours, TK could manage that. 

“What?” he teased, stepping around Judd and heading further up the trail, “You don’t think we can handle it? There’s no reason we can’t, we just have to watch our steps.”  

Judd looked as if he were debating for a moment before TK rolled his eyes at him, “C’mon Judd, we’re here. We might as well take the chance while we can. Besides now that we know, we’ll just have to be more careful.” 

Finally, Judd shook his head. “Alright kid, but if you get yourself injured I am not covering for you with your man.” 

TK shook his head but laughed as he turned around. “Then we better not get injured because I’m not covering for you from Grace either. Besides,” he added, “I didn’t bring the full first aid kit so mortal injuries are not allowed.” 

He quickened his pace as he moved further down the trail, causing Judd to curse under his breath as he sped up to catch up with him. He slowed after a minute and the two men continued down the trail in companionable silence. TK may be a city person, born and raised, but there was something comforting about the silence of nature. It offered a silence he had spent years and many pills trying to find in his own head. The only problem with it was that eventually, it ended and he was always right back where he started. 

But this was about Judd and so TK turned to glance at him. He seemed lost in thought. “What’s on your mind?” he asked, startling the other man out of his reverie. He had an almost guilty look on his face and TK rolled his eyes, “Please don’t tell me you were worrying about Grace?” 

The way Judd turned away, avoiding TK’s gaze told him everything he needed to know. 

“Judd,” he sighed, “she’s fine. She’s in no danger and is perfectly capable of taking care of herself. Besides,” he added after a glance at his watch, “Carlos’s shift will be over in an hour and then he’ll be over there and I’m sure they’ll be having a great time making pasta and gossiping over wine.” 

Judd did at least snort at that, causing TK to relax a little. “I know you’re worried,” he continued, voice softer, “and honestly I can’t say I blame you. I don’t think I would be much better if it were Carlos in her place and we had gone through what you have. But you trust her, right?” 

“More than anyone,” Judd replied, without a moment’s hesitation.

“Then trust her,” TK implored. “She told you she would be fine and so she will. And if she’s not she has people to rely on. She’s not alone in this, neither of you are.” 

There was silence between them for several moments and as it stretched on TK began to worry that he had overstepped. He was about to offer an apology and resign himself to a hike filled with awkward silence when Judd finally spoke. 

“That’s actually pretty wise,” he mused, “who would have thought you had that in you?” 

TK rolled his eyes as Judd laughed. “See if I ever give you advice again,” he gripped, staggering as Judd clapped him on the shoulder. 

“I appreciate it kid, really,” he assured him. “And you might just be right.” 

“Only maybe?”

“Well I can’t have you getting a big head, can I?” 

TK rolled his eyes and decided to change the subject, “How much further to this lookout point?” 

“What, you getting tired on me?” 

“No, but it will be getting dark in just over an hour and while an eroding trail in daylight is doable, an eroding trail in the dark is something else entirely.” 

Judd sobered at the reminder, “It’s not too much further, 10 minutes tops. Besides, it’s worth it. Most beautiful view you’ve ever seen. Chuck actually proposed to his wife out here.” 

“Are you planning on proposing to me, Judd? Because I’m flattered but I think your wife and my boyfriend might have something to say about that.” 

Judd shook his head, “Can’t even show you the wonders of nature without you making it weird. What am I going to do with you kid?” 

TK simply laughed and Judd rolled his eyes. They continued forward, reaching an opening in the trees a few minutes later, as promised. TK could feel Judd’s eyes on him as they stepped forward and he meant to make a quip about it, but the sight that sprawled out before them stole the words from him. Open fields spread out as far as they could see, bright spots of blue dotting them and a river winding lazily through. 

“This is the best time to come out here,” Judd was saying. “The bluebonnets are fully in bloom.” 

“It’s gorgeous,” TK agreed. “Why didn’t you bring Grace out here to propose?” 

Judd shrugged, “That was the plan, actually. I figured she deserved the best. But it didn’t quite work out that way.” 

TK studied him for a moment. “You blurted it out without thinking, didn’t you?” 

Judd looked startled for a moment but when TK raised an eyebrow he chuckled ruefully, “Yeah I did. Don’t give me that look,” he protested defensively, “like you’re going to do any better when the time comes for you and Reyes.” 

TK’s laughter petered off and he shook his head. “You’re probably right,” he admitted. “Besides, take it from someone with unfortunate experience in this matter: those overly planned and dramatic proposals aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.” 

Judd sobered at the change in TK’s tone, and though he didn’t push TK was sure he had connected the dots in his mind. 

“Yeah well,” he said instead, “if it’s the right person the ‘how’ doesn’t matter.”  

TK smiled at him before turning his gaze back to the amazing view before them. Judd kept talking beside him, “We used to come out here, from time to time. My old crew and me,” he clarified and TK nodded.

“A bunch of macho firefighters admiring the pretty flowers?” he teased lightly but Judd shook his head. 

“It was just kind of peaceful, you know? We’d come out here and somehow find a way to talk about the serious things. It was nice. It was…” 

He trailed off but TK continued for him, understanding where he was going with it, “A safe place.”

“Yeah,” Judd agreed softly, stepping closer to the edge. “It was.” 

TK smiled sadly at his back, staying quiet as Judd took a moment. He couldn’t begin to imagine what he was thinking about or how much he had suffered. TK had never been as close with any crew before this one, and he couldn’t imagine losing any of them, let alone all of them. He couldn’t imagine what that would feel like. So he was content to offer silent support and to let Judd do whatever it was that he needed to do. 

Or he was, until Judd took another absent minded step forward and TK heard the tell-tale sound of earth crumbling. 

“Judd!” he called out, lunging forward to grab for the other man, just managing to latch on to his arm before the rest of the ground crumbled around him. 

He wasn’t fast enough to prevent it though. All he could do was follow as gravity did its work, pulling Judd over the edge of the overlook, pulling TK with him. 

They tumbled for what felt like ages, each moment a blur of motion and pain. When they finally came to a rest TK took a moment to remember how to breathe, to reacquaint himself with his body once more. And in the next moment he turned, looking for Judd. 

He found him only a few feet from him. He was sprawled and not moving and for a moment, TK forgot how to breathe all over again.

“Judd!” he called as he pushed himself up, collapsing with a sharp gasp as pain shot through his right wrist. He stopped for a moment to examine it; carefully feeling the joint for any signs of a break. He didn’t find any and tried to pull himself up again, more carefully this time. He made his way to Judd’s side, surveying him the best he could without moving him unnecessarily, looking him over for any signs of major injury. He didn’t see any so he gently turned him over, biting his lip against the pain that shot through his wrist at the motion.

“Judd,” he tried again, “are you with me?” 

“Yeah,” came the other man’s response and TK almost collapsed in relief.

“Can you tell me what happened?” he asked, beginning to examine him more closely. 

“Are you going all paramedic on me kid?” he asked drily and TK narrowed his eyes. 

“Humor me.”

Judd sighed, “We were hiking and I stepped too close to the edge of a trail we knew was unstable. I screwed up.” 

“We’re all allowed,” TK reminded him. “God knows I’ve done my fair share. What’s important is that you’re okay. Is there anything that hurts?” 

“What about you? You okay?” 

“I’m fine. Really,” he insisted at Judd’s less than convinced look. “I’m going to be very bruised and I think I sprained a wrist but it’s my right and since I’m left handed, I’ll live. I’m more worried about you at the moment.”

“Don’t need to be,” Judd said weakly, “I’m fine. Help me up and we’ll get out of here.” 

But TK had continued his examination and determined that while Judd Ryder was a lot of things, one of them (at the moment) was a liar. There was a puncture wound on his thigh, and it was bleeding heavily. TK swore and reached around for his backpack, knowing that while he had not brought the full first aid kit he had at least grabbed some bandages. 

It was a moment later that he realized he no longer had it. It must have been lost somewhere along their fall. He glanced back up to see that they had fallen much further than he had thought; nearly 40 feet of steep, overgrown hillside was stretched out between them and the overlook. He swore again. 

“What’s wrong?” Judd asked him. 

TK took a steadying breath before he looked back down at Judd. “What’s wrong is that you have a wound that is bleeding pretty heavily and that I lost my backpack with all our medical supplies and gear somewhere in the fall. I can try to make a pressure bandage maybe, but I don’t know if it’ll be enough to stop it.” 

“And we need to get out of here,” Judd added, “because it’ll be dark soon and the local wildlife might not take too kindly to our being here.” 

“That too,” TK agreed, already pulling off his hoodie and balling it up to compress against the wound. “Overall, this is less than ideal.” 

Judd nodded and reached into his pocket for his phone and turned it to TK after a moment, revealing a picture of him and Grace, and no bars. “Well we’re on our own for getting out,” he told TK, “no service.” 

TK cursed again. Looking back down at the hoodie in his hand, the gray material rapidly being consumed by the bright red of blood. It was bleeding too much. 

“You should go get help.” 

TK looked sharply up at Judd, who seemed to think what he was saying made sense. “No,” TK said incredulously. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here, I’m not leaving, okay.”

“You should,” Judd countered, “it might be our best shot.” 

“How exactly do you think you are going to do against that wildlife you mentioned?” TK asked him with a raised eyebrow. “I’m not going anywhere.” 

They lapsed into silence, after that, both their minds spinning with possibilities and solutions. It was Judd that eventually broke the silence.

“What if you cauterized it?” 

TK looked up at him incredulously, “I’m sorry, what?”

“To stop the bleeding. We don’t really have enough equipment with us for you to properly bandage it and it’s bleeding an awful lot. Cauterizing it might be the best way to stop the bleeding with what we have.” 

TK shook his head, “It’s not that simple Judd. Yes, it would stop the bleeding, but it would only stop it from coming through the skin. I have no way of knowing what is torn internally, and cauterizing the outside won’t do anything for that. You could just end up with massive internal bleeding instead, not to mention the risk of infection. And I think you are ignoring the fact that cauterizing it would literally mean I would be melting your skin back together.” 

“What’s another burn scar?” Judd said with a shrug and TK frowned at him. 

“At some point we’re going to have to talk about how casually you said that,” he muttered, “but there are bigger matters at hand right now.” 

TK could feel Judd watching him but his mind was turning; pros and cons and possible courses of action flying through his head. He bit his lip as he looked back down at the compress he was still clutching tightly to the wound, and swallowed. It wasn’t the worst idea in the world, but it also wasn’t a great one. It was a last resort type of idea for sure, and he wasn’t quite sure they were there just yet. 

But they were pretty close.  

“Listen, kid,” Judd said, interrupting his thoughts, “you need to do what you think is best. I trust you and I know you won’t let me down.” 

“It could go wrong though,” TK admitted quietly, “it could make things worse.” 

“Or you could not do it and we could be trapped here, since you refuse to leave for help.” 

TK bit at his lip as he considered. He hated the idea. Not only was it not guaranteed to work, it would also be incredibly painful. But Judd was right; it might be their only shot. 

“We’d need something that could get hot enough,” he finally said, “and something to heat it with.” 

“There’s a hunting knife strapped to my belt and a lighter in my right pocket.” 

TK took a deep breath and nodded, “Okay, but this is going to hurt; a lot.” 

“I trust you.” 

And he did. TK had always known that, but the way he was looking at him now as he bled out on the forest floor made it even more apparent. He took another wavering breath before he nodded, “Then let’s do this.” 

He took the knife from Judd and reached into the indicated pocket for the lighter. He flicked it on and held it under the knife, running the flame back and forth across it, making sure to evenly heat it. When he could feel the heat emanating from it he pulled the hoodie off the wound and did his best to clean it before he met Judd’s eyes.

“Ready?” he asked. 

“As I’ll ever be,” he responded.  

TK nodded again and swallowed, looking back down at the offending wound. He took a deep breath and pressed the hot knife against the puncture, making sure to raise and lower it in short bursts to prevent from killing the healthy tissue surrounding the wound. He could hear Judd’s cries of pain and apologized over and over again, for all the good it did. Then finally, it was done and he tossed the knife down onto the ground beside them as he leaned forward to examine the wound. It wasn’t bleeding anymore, at least, which meant he at least hadn’t tortured his friend for nothing. 

He pulled his eyes off of the wound in search of Judd’s face, feeling fear course through him as he saw his eyes closed. 

“Hey,” he instructed, “I need you to open your eyes, Judd. I need you awake.”

He tapped on the other man’s face and eventually, his eyes blinked open. 

“That’s it,” he said soothingly. “That’s better. I know it hurts but I need you to keep those eyes open. Please, stay awake.” 

“Can’t leave you out here on your own,” Judd quipped weakly, and TK laughed.

“No, you can’t,” he agreed. He settled down on the ground beside Judd, determined to let him relax a bit before they tried to move at all. 

“We should get moving,” Judd said instead, trying to pull himself up. “The road should be that way, unless my head is truly scrambled. We should be able to find someone passing by, or at least get a signal to call for help maybe.”

“And we will,” TK assured him, “but you can take a second to catch your breath first. That can’t have been fun.” 

“Wouldn’t recommend it,” Judd agreed, “but I’m good.” 

“Well I’m not,” TK countered. “I’m going to need a minute to recover from melting my friend’s skin back together so you can just wait a minute or two if you don’t mind.”

Judd's unimpressed look told TK he knew exactly what he was doing, but he settled back down with a sigh.  

“What do you think Grace and Carlos are going to have to say about this?” he asked, and TK chuckled. 

“Nothing good,” he admitted, “but they’ll both just be glad we’re okay. Pretty sure Grace will have something to say about irony though when you were the one we should have all been worried about, in the end.” 

Judd snorted and they lapsed into silence. They waited for a few more minutes until TK glanced up at the sky and the slowly sinking sun with a sigh, “Guess it’s time,” he said, gingerly pulling himself off the ground and brushing himself off. “We’ll have better luck if we can get to the road before dark. You good to go?” 

“As I’ll ever be,” Judd shrugged and allowed TK to help him up. It was a sign of how badly he was feeling, TK thought, that Judd leaned against him without even a hint of protest, allowing TK to support him. He slid one of Judd’s arms around his shoulder. 

“Lead the way, Cowboy Judd,” he instructed once they were settled, “I have no idea where we’re going.” 

“East,” Judd told him, nodding in the direction away from the setting sun. “The road is East from here.” 

“East it is,” he agreed as he took a tentative step forward, allowing Judd a moment to get his feet under him. “Then we just hope it’s rush hour out in the sticks.” 

They made their way to the road, slowly but surely. TK kept stealing glances at Judd, making note of his condition. So far he seemed good. Or as good as could be expected, at least. He was pale and sweating but that was to be expected from exertion and blood loss. Hopefully they would find help soon. TK wasn’t ready to think about what could happen if they didn’t. 

They reached the road without incident and TK could hardly believe his eyes. There were lights in the distance, heading towards them. 

“Judd!” he exclaimed, “there’s a car coming! Come on!”  

Judd followed his gaze and picked up his pace, the sight of the car apparently giving him a second wind. When they reached the side and the car slowed to a stop at the sight of TK’s frantic waves and Judd clinging to him, TK allowed himself a moment to breathe a sigh of relief. It would be okay, they would be fine. 

And that was all he could ask for. 

------------

TK was dozing off in the uncomfortable chair at the side of Judd’s bed when he heard frantic footsteps approaching. He sat up as Carlos and Grace entered the room, both wearing anxious expressions that didn’t ease much at the sight of them. 

TK knew he must look like a wreck - covered in cuts and bruises and his wrist wrapped with an ice pack resting on top of it - but he was at least sitting up (for the most part). Judd on the other hand…

Grace went straight for him, a hand covering her mouth as she took in the sight. 

“He’ll be okay,” TK told her softly, “they did a full exam. They just want him to get some fluids and a transfusion to make up for the blood loss and some antibiotics just in case due to the less than sterile conditions. He’ll be up and on his feet in no time.”

“Probably sooner than he should,” Grace snorted, though her voice was thick. TK looked away, allowing her to have her moment, to Carlos who was studying him from the doorway.

“I’m okay too,” he assured him. “Just some superficial cuts and bruises.” 

“So the ice pack and bandage is just for fun?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.

“It’s only a sprain,” TK retorted. “We’re both going to be fine.” 

“Well one thing’s for sure,” Grace noted as she took one of Judd’s hands in hers, “I would say Carlos and I did have more fun than you. Until we got that phone call, that is.” 

“Hey now, I think me and the kid were doing just fine in the fun department before this all happened, isn’t that right TK?” 

All eyes turned to Judd who had apparently woken up at some point during their conversation and was beaming up at Grace. 

“That’s true,” TK agreed, giving Carlos a fond smile as Judd and Grace looked at each other, “and it’s not like we asked the path to erode. That was definitely not the plan.” 

“I would just like to make pasta without someone I care about ending up in the hospital,” Carlos declared, coming up behind TK to put his hands on his shoulders and leaning down to press a kiss to the top of his head. “But that is apparently too much to ask.” 

TK looked over at Judd and Grace to see what they had to say but they were too wrapped up in each other to even know that they had company in the room. Grace had tears in her eyes as she reached out a hand to put a hand on Judd’s face. “And here you were worried about me,” she reminded him. “That is what I call irony, my love.” 

TK did his best to bite back the laugh that came at that and Judd spared him a glance long enough to roll his eyes before turning his gaze back to his wife. 

“I’m sorry,” he said, “I didn’t want to worry you.” 

“I’m afraid you don’t get a say in that Judd,” Grace argued, “it comes with the territory when you love someone.” 

TK looked up at Carlos to see him smiling down at him. He reached his good hand up and placed it on top of one of the hands on his shoulders, giving it a light squeeze. Soon they would work out the logistics and likely leave Judd and Grace to their own devices, giving them the time they needed to savor the existence of each other. They would likely go home and do the same.  But for now TK was content to sit here; the man he loved beside him and two dear friends nearby and just soak it all in. It had been a long day after a long few months, but they were all safe and whole and they were here together. 

And TK knew now just as surely as he had by the side of the road: couldn’t ask for anything more. 

#911 lone star #911 lone star fic #Grace/Judd #judd ryder #tk strand #grace ryder #carlos reyes #911lonestarweek #my writing #bthb #userkimmy #userjilly #userac #usermaximus #userbones #tuserjamie #tuserpaige #reyesstrand #reyeslonestartag #jazzyjess #maizsnex #hierophvnts #buckybarnesalways #laelipoo

[petrichoravellichor]

Begin and End There (Part 2)

For Day 6 of the Supernatural Deserved Better Creative Challenge (prompt: Destiel).

Note: This is Chapter 2 of 2; you can find the post with Chapter 1 here, or you can read the entire work on Ao3.

Rating: T

Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, minor Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, minor Castiel & Sam Winchester, background Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester

Warnings: Brief, non-graphic mentions of canon violence; reference to Dean’s suicidal ideation/decision to temporarily kill himself in 13x05; references to repeated major character death that didn’t stick - to be clear, this fic has a happy ending and is basically everything Dean needed to say and Cas needed to hear.

Summary: After the Empty takes him, Castiel wakes up in the last place he expected (Chapter 1), with a second chance at happiness when he reunites with Dean and the latter finally gets to speak his truth (Chapter 2).

-----------------------------------------------------------------

“Love him, and let him love you. Do you think anything else under heaven really matters?” —James Baldwin, Giovanni’s Room

********************

“Dean.” Sam’s voice was imploring, gentle, just like it had been the first two times he’d tried. “Come on, sit down.”

Dean ignored him and continued pacing, the cramped stillness of the motel room a vicious sounding board for his thoughts. Among them all, he clung to one thought in particular, the only one keeping him sane: Jack’s gonna get him back. He said he would. He has to...

He could feel Sam’s worried gaze on him from where his brother sat in a chair by the door. It had been Sam who had insisted they grab the motel room after Jack had gone, having intuited, rightly, that Dean was a mess even if he was trying to hide it and that he needed somewhere private where he didn’t have to. The only problem was that, for Dean, privacy in the sense of space to break down meant an audience of zero, not one, and Dean didn’t know how much longer he could hold himself together.

“Damn it, Sam,” he growled a minute later, “don’t you and Eileen have stuff to talk about? You don’t gotta hang around like a damn babysitter.”

If Sam was annoyed by Dean’s tone, he didn’t show it; instead, he just leaned forward, folding his hands in his lap. “We do, but it can wait,” he said calmly. "Besides, you heard her: someone had to go back to the silo and make sure all the Apocalypse-world hunters made it back okay. She said she’d text me when she got there.”

Dean huffed out a sigh. “Yeah, well...Still. You could’ve gone with her, is all I’m sayin’.”

“No. Not until I know you’re okay.”

“I’m fine.”

“Dean, enough.” Sam was frowning now, and there was an edge to his voice that hadn’t been there a moment ago. “You think I don’t know what Cas means to you?” He scoffed and shook his head. “Because if so, I’m sorry, but you’re not as hard to read as you think you are, not for me.”

Dean stopped dead in his tracks, stunned, and as he wilted under Sam’s knowing gaze, the full force of his exhaustion hit him all at once and damn near brought him to his knees. “I can’t lose him,” he heard himself admit in a hoarse whisper. He swallowed and shook his head. “Not again.”

Sam’s expression softened. “I know. We’ll get him back; if Jack can’t save him, we’ll find another way. We always do.”

Dean sighed, then nodded. Sam was right; of course he was. They’d get Cas back even if Dean had to storm into the Empty and grab him himself, grip Cas’s formerly feathered ass and raise him from perdition for a change. Cas, you idiot, what the hell’s the matter with you? he imagined himself demanding. You don’t think you deserve to be saved?

Suddenly, there was a shuffling sound outside, and before Sam could even begin to stand, Dean had bolted across the room and yanked open the door, determined to hear whatever news Jack was bringing them so that he could actually do something instead of just waiting, only...only it wasn’t Jack standing on the other side of the threshold.

Cas gazed back at him as though in a daze, hand raised in an aborted knock; after a beat, he lowered it and cleared his throat. “I—Hello, Dean.” He nodded past Dean toward the interior of the room. “May I come in?”

Dean nodded wordlessly, feet suddenly like lead as he stepped aside so Cas could brush past him. He closed the door and sank down on the edge of the nearest bed as Sam let out an exclamation of relief and stood to pull Cas into a hug.

“It’s good to have you back, man,” Sam said warmly, clapping Cas on the back. As they drew apart, he added, “How’s Jack? Did you have a chance to talk with him?”

Cas nodded, smiling. “I did. He told me everything that’s happened since…” Cas’s smile faltered, and his eyes darted over to land on Dean, who suddenly felt as though his face were on fire. Before Dean could say anything, though, Cas looked away, as though he were the one who’d been burned. “He told me everything,” he said instead. “He also said that he’ll be home as soon as he’s able, once he and Amara have finished remaking Heaven.”

Sam raised a brow, glancing curiously from Cas to Dean and back again; clearly, he’d clearly picked up on the weirdness between them. For a moment, Dean thought he was going to call them out on it and started casting about for something innocuous to say; however, Sam just smiled and nodded. “That’s great, Cas. Thanks for the update. And for saving Dean. If you hadn’t gone with him…” Sam swallowed, a more sober expression settling on his face. He reached out and clasped Cas’s shoulder. “Just...thank you. For everything.”

The genuineness of Sam’s words seemed to catch Cas off guard; then, after a moment, his lips quirked in a timid sort of smile, and he nodded. “Of course.”

Sam beamed at him, then took a step back and gestured toward the door. “Okay, I’m gonna go grab lunch while I wait to hear from Eileen, so I’ll see you guys later.” Then, with a poorly concealed smirk, he looked over at Dean and added, “Text me if I should steer clear of the Bunker for a few days.”

Dean glared daggers at him. Sammy, I swear to our kid who is now God...“How ’bout you just get a move on before I kick your ass? Bitch.”

But Sam just chuckled. “Good luck, jerk,” he replied, fondly; then, with a wave, he turned and headed for the door.

A moment later, he was gone, and the room was unbearably silent. Dean glanced up at Cas to find the latter regarding him almost shyly, as though any words uttered between them would bring the walls crashing down. For his part, Dean would have almost welcomed it. A quick death sounded pretty good right about now; at the very least, it’d absolve him from having to speak.

In the end, it was Cas who cleared his throat and broke the silence. “Jack said you wanted to see me?”

“Uh.” Dean sucked in a shaky breath, then nodded. “Uh, yeah. Yeah, I did.” Then, feeling his face grow warm at Cas’s continued stare, he coughed and looked away. “Cas, have a seat. We, uh, we need to talk.”

He’d expected Cas to sit opposite him, in the chair Sam had vacated; but before he realized what was going on, Cas had crossed over to sit next to him on the edge of the bed, less than a foot of mattress between their thighs. The heat on Dean’s face licked down his neck and back, almost overwhelming him, and if his legs hadn’t suddenly turned to jelly, he probably would have bolted.

Instead, he just blurted out the first thing that came to mind: “So...Jack was able to get you back, huh?” He immediately wanted to kick himself, because of course Jack had been able to get Cas back, that much was obvious. Way to go, dumbass...

Thankfully, Cas just nodded. “He promised the Empty a future of noninterference within Its realm in exchange for my life, and It accepted.”

“Huh.” Dean chewed his tongue thoughtfully. “Sounds like one of us actually made a good deal for a change.”

Cas gave him a tentative smile. “I hope so.” A pause; then: “Dean, I need you to know that I don’t regret my choice, because that’s what it was: my choice; and there’s nothing you could have said or done that would have made me choose differently.” Cas was speaking quickly, urgently, looking at Dean as though afraid Dean would interrupt. “And I also need you to know that I meant every word that I said about how I see you. Now that Chuck is gone, you can finally be happy, and...if it’s possible, I would like to be part of that happiness.” He looked up at Dean sadly, adding, “but if that’s not what you want, if you want me to leave, I promise I understand.”

Dean, who up to this point had only been able to listen in stunned silence, finally managed to unstick his voice. “If that’s not what I...What are you...You think I don’t want you to be a part of it?”

“I...” Cas looked down at his hands. “I’m aware that my connection to Heaven is no longer of particular value, and more than that, I don’t wish the knowledge of what you mean to me to make you uncomfortable.” He smiled sadly. “You don’t owe me anything, Dean; I recognize that. I—”

“Stop,” Dean interrupted, because every word out of Cas’s mouth was landing like a knife in his heart. He reached out and gripped Cas’s shoulder tightly, causing the latter to look up in startled surprise. “Damn it, Cas, stop talking like I’d only want you in my life if you were a goddamn tool I could use. You’re not a hammer, remember? Not mine or anyone else’s.”

Cas’s stunned expression melted into one of soft wonder. He nodded slowly, gazing back at Dean with eyes so earnest and hopeful that Dean had to look away lest he fall right into them. With a nervous swallow, Dean licked his lips and dropped his hand from Cas’s shoulder, determined to keep going now that he’d gotten started. “And..and about me not owing you anything...Cas, I owe you everything.” He made himself meet Cas’s gaze again, because damn it, this was apparently something Cas had doubts on, and Dean needed him to understand. “You pulled me out of Hell, and you helped me and Sam stop the Apocalypse and saved both our asses more times than I can count, and Jack’s alive because of you and so is everyone else in the world. And you think what, that I’m just gonna forget about all that?” he demanded, just barely managing to keep his voice from breaking. He shook his head. “Fuck that, Cas; you’re not disposable.”

Cas, whose expression had become increasingly anguished the longer Dean spoke, now looked dangerously close to tears. “Then what am I, Dean? I...please, I need to know, I need you to tell me, because I don’t...I can’t...”

Everything, Dean thought fiercely; you’re everything. Fuck, he just needed to find some way to actually say it…

Suddenly, a thought occurred to him: maybe, if saying it out loud was too much...He closed his eyes and started praying. Cas?

He felt a slight shift of the mattress as Cas stiffened in attention. “Dean?” he asked, hesitantly.

Yeah. Yeah, I can hear you. Dean kept his eyes closed, responding in his head. Question is, can you hear me?

A beat of silence; then: “Yes. I can hear you.”

Dean let out a steady breath. Okay. Okay, good. ’Cause there’s something I need you know, but...He tried to finish the thought; damn it, he tried, but even like this, he just couldn’t fucking seem to—

Suddenly, he felt a hand on his shoulder; his eyes fluttered open to see Cas leaning forward into his space, looking at him with soft understanding. “There’s something you need me to know,” Cas repeated slowly, “but you’re not sure how to say it.”

Dean blinked in surprise. “You...you got that part, too?”

Cas nodded. “The way it works...It’s difficult to explain in human terms. Prayers are something I hear and see and feel, all at once, and they don’t have to be words. They can be feelings or images or—”

“Memories?” Dean sat up straight, an idea forming. “Does it work with memories?”

Cas’s brow furrowed in apparent confusion, but eventually, he nodded. “Yes. If you show them to me.”

Dean didn’t waste another moment—he couldn’t, or he might lose his nerve. He closed his eyes and resumed his prayer. Okay, Cas, listen up...

He was pulling Cas’s trench coat out of the reservoir after the Leviathans had walked Cas into it, and the feeling in his gut...Dean knew it was grief. He’d lost friends before; hell, he’d lost Sam before, but this...this felt different...

But the Leviathans were on the loose, and the wall blocking out Sam’s Hell trauma had crumbled, and Dean didn’t have time to let himself stop and think. He folded the trench coat and stowed it in Baby’s trunk.

Months later, he was talking to Cas in an abandoned hangar the night before they stormed Sucrocorp and went after Dick Roman. Cas was saying he should stay behind, told Dean he wasn’t good luck and would just get in the way, but Dean wasn't having it. He’d done life without Cas, and it had sucked. Now, he knew he’d rather have him, cursed or not, friend or...He’d rather have him.

He only told Cas the first part, though.

Then, after, when he was tearing through Purgatory for over a year, Dean realized it wasn’t that he’d rather have Cas—it was that he couldn’t imagine not having him. He was going to find Cas no matter the cost, wasn’t leaving Purgatory without him. Cas was...he wasn’t something Dean couldn’t stand to lose.

And then Dean lost him anyway.

Dean was back topside, and Cas was still in Purgatory because Dean had failed to save him. The knowledge haunted Dean; he saw Cas everywhere, was sure he was hallucinating...until it turned out he wasn’t. And then he learned that Cas had made the conscious choice to stay behind, because apparently, Dean was something he could stand to lose, and that knowledge hurt in a way Dean didn’t have words for.

So they didn’t talk about it.

Then Dean was kneeling, bloodied, in Lucifer’s crypt, Cas standing over him with his angel blade raised. And Dean didn’t know what was going on, but he knew, he knew, that this wasn’t his Cas. His Cas. The words were loud in his mind, and he was both awed and terrified of how right they felt. He needed Cas, and he told him so...and Cas’s angel blade fell to the floor.

They didn’t talk about that much, either.

Years went by, and now Dean was the one standing over a bloodied, crumpled Cas, the Mark of Cain burning on his arm and Cas’s stolen blade in hand. He needed to hurt Cas, or for Cas to hurt him, to fight back and end the goddamn constant screaming in Dean’s head that was all blood and rage and hate and—Cas’s hand came up to gently clasp Dean’s wrist. “No, Dean...please.” And for a second, just a second, the hate in Dean’s mind was quiet, and in its place, strong, surging, and undeniable, was—

Dean stabbed the book next to Cas’s head and walked away.

Next, he was standing in a barn with his mom and Sam and Crowley, watching in terrified helplessness as Cas writhed in agony on an old couch. Ramiel could come for them at any moment, and yet all Dean could think about was the intensity in Cas’s eyes as Cas told him, told all of them, that he loved them, and fuck, Dean loved him, too, but not the familial sort of love that Cas seemed to be getting at, no. Dean loved him in a raw, real sense that he felt in his bones and that scared him half out of his mind, and he wanted to say it; but then Cas was convulsing, and it was too late…

Then Crowley snapped Ramiel’s spear, and Cas was saved, and Dean told himself that enough was enough, he needed to get his shit together and find some way to tell Cas what he felt before—

He was kneeling, silent, on the shore of a lake. The sky was starless overhead, and Cas was dead on the ground in front of him, wings scorched against the sand. And Dean was aching and empty, hollowed out by grief and regret, because he’d waited too long, and now it was too late…

And then he was dead, or something like it. He was in Death’s library and Billie was showing him the shelf of books with his name on the cover, detailing all the possible ways he could die, and Dean should have felt fear, should have felt fight, but instead, all he felt was finally. He hadn’t been able to save the people he loved, hadn’t been able to save Cas, so what was the point of going back? Sam would be better off without him, would get a shot at the normal life he’d always wanted. Billie could toss Dean in the Empty; he didn’t care anymore. Hell, he wanted it, anything to end all his goddamn regret—

But Billie sent him back anyway, and later that night, Dean’s phone rang.

Cas was back. He was alive and he was back, and fuck, he was so much more than Dean deserved. And Dean told himself that he was okay with that, with not having Cas in the way that he wanted, as long as he had him in some way, shape, or form. But then Jack killed Mary, and Dean...he was so angry and hurt that he lashed out at Cas, said horrible things he didn’t mean but didn’t know how to take back once they were out, and he couldn’t even look at Cas without wanting to scream and break and beg for forgiveness. He watched as Cas left him after they fought, left him like everyone else did, and Dean let him, because he knew now that needing someone wasn’t the same as deserving them.

Then they were back in Purgatory after a botched attempt at securing a Leviathan Blossom. They’d been ambushed, and Dean had been knocked out, had woken up alone with Cas nowhere in sight and limited time to make it back. And Dean knew he still didn’t deserve Cas, but he prayed to him anyway. He told Cas about the hurt and the anger and the helplessness he felt when it took hold of him, and he was sorry, God, he was so fucking sorry…

When he found Cas at the last moment at the base of a tree, he wanted...he needed to tell Cas what he hadn’t had the nerve to say in his prayer, because it was so much more than of course I forgive you; it was please forgive me, I know I don’t fucking deserve you but I want you, I need you, I love you…

But they had to go, because as always, there was never enough fucking time.

And then they were trapped in the Bunker’s interrogation room as Billie pounded on the door. Cas was going to die, and it was Dean’s fault, again it was his fault, because he’d screwed up, because he’d been stupid and angry and that was all he knew how to be—

But then Cas was talking with tears in his eyes, and each word was its own revelation, because Cas was looking at him the way Dean had never in a million years thought to be worthy of. And Dean forgot how to breathe, because suddenly, Cas was saying it, he said it: “I love you…”

And then the Empty took him, and Billie, and Dean was left alone on the floor. He was dimly aware of the way Sam’s name flashed on his phone, but he couldn’t answer, because then he’d have to explain, and…and...

Dean cradled his head in his hands and sobbed. He felt like his entire soul had been lit on fire and that every word he’d ever known had been ripped out of him by the roots, all except for the two he murmured, strangled and broken, into the silence: “Me too...”

Dean gasped and ended the prayer. He opened his eyes and felt tears roll down his cheeks; he hadn’t noticed them forming while he’d been praying, and he was about to reach up to dash them away when he saw that Cas’s face was wet with tears of his own; he looked more wrecked than Dean had ever seen him, and the hand he’d kept on Dean’s shoulder throughout the prayer had started to tremble. “Dean, I—”

“Look,” Dean said shakily, because if he didn’t say this now, he didn’t know if he ever could. “I...I know you said happiness isn't really in the having and all that, but...well, I think maybe it is. For me, anyway. Because Cas, if there’s one thing I’ve learned after all the crap we’ve been through, it’s that my life ain’t happy if it doesn’t have you in it.” He swallowed a lump in his throat and pushed on: “You said you thought you couldn’t have me, but the thing is, you’ve had me for years. And I just...I need you to hear me, I need you to know…” He almost stopped then, almost couldn’t go on, because the look of absolute love in Cas’s eyes was overwhelming, and Dean could no more deny it than he could give up breathing. He raised his hand, placed it firmly on top of the one on his shoulder, and squeezed. “You changed me too, Cas.”

Then Cas was kissing him, and Dean let out a muffled sob of relief as he felt Cas’s hands wrap around his middle and pull them flush against one another. His grip was hot and desperate on Dean’s back, and the way his mouth moved against Dean’s made Dean feel as though he were going to burst into millions of joyous pieces. He tangled his hands in Cas’s hair and kissed him hard, tugging him backward until Cas was straddling him on the mattress, his solid, unyielding weight a blissful, dizzying contrast to the lightness Dean felt in his mind as Cas’s tongue slid surely over his own, ravishing and reverent and real. They were real, and they always had been.

And Dean would never, ever doubt that again.

#destiel #deancas #spndbcc #spn #spn spoilers #my writing #begin and end there #fanfiction #if the network won't give them this then i will do it myself!

[sellyoursoulforagoodfic]

Shelbys at Somme Chapter 17

Thomas X Reader

Word Count: 2640

Summary: Another memory from the trenches claws its way to the surface after the Lees leave behind wire cutters. 

by @adventuresintooblivion

Thomas was shaking so badly he was convinced that he was rattling Finn to his core. His ears rang from the explosion they’d narrowly avoided.

“This is why you never pretend to be me. Ok?” Finn vigorously nodded his head. Maybe Thomas wasn’t the only one shaking. He ushered his youngest brother off to join the rest of the family. 

Those damned Lees! How am I going to end this without us all getting killed?

It wasn’t until he’d made it a few feet down the road before he froze. If they had enough knowledge to place the grenade in his car, they had to have been watching him. If they were watching…

“Y/N.” He launched himself down the street. His feet pounded against the ground, the soles of his shoes skidding against the gravel or sliding through the mud as he bolted towards the Garrison. 

Men dove out of his way, some of which had seen the grenade. Shouting grew up around him as innocent onlookers saw something for the first time. A Shelby sprinting through the streets. Thomas Shelby of all people. The crowd didn’t follow, only gazed in wonder at the gang leader that hadn’t shown an ounce of fear since coming back from the war.

He didn’t twist the door knob when he arrived, only shouldered the wood. It was well into operating hours and the wood gave easily as he skidded to a halt in front of dozens of men. His eyes scanned the room. He refused to wait long enough for them to adjust, but soon enough he didn’t have to.

“Thomas?” Y/N asked, a hand reaching out to him in the dark as he gasped for air.

He clapped his hand over hers, some irrational part inside him screaming that she wasn’t real. It was telling him that these last few months had been some fever dream, that he’d finally overdosed on opium and was holed up in some bed somewhere, while Arthur ran everything into the ground.

Y/N squeezed his hand, “Tommy what’s going on?”

Tommy. No, she was real. And she was in danger.

His voice cracked as he answered, “Have you seen any of the Lees around? They booby trapped my car.”

Her brow furrowed as she shook her head. His eyes had finally adjusted enough that he could see that everyone was staring at them. Even those who tended to keep to themselves had peeked over their tankards. It took every ounce of discipline he had not to draw Y/N closer, to hide her from the prying of Birmingham.

“You can guarantee no one’s been upstairs besides you?” 

Y/N glanced at the stairs, then back at him, “I guess I’ll have to go check.”

Before he could stop her she strode towards her room, “Y/N!” He followed quickly. 

She was already checking the floor of her bedroom when he caught up. It wasn’t until he found himself glancing to his own rooms that it occurred to him that, instead of her, they were after just him.

He began towards his room as he absently asked, “Where’s Grace?” He didn’t need her following them and getting in the way.

Thomas was answered by a loud thunk and a curse, “She took the day off.”

Y/N sounded more annoyed than usual, but he couldn’t lose focus as he quickly opened his door. As no explosion greeted him, he slowly made his way further and further into the room. After a few minutes, he was startled by Y/N leaning against his dresser.

“I think the Lees don’t know about this place just yet, Tommy.” There it was again. A sense of warmth coiled in his chest as his muscles relaxed. If he could have one thing for the rest of his life, it would be Y/N saying his name like that. With a deep sense of familiarity that made it sound like they’d known each other for a lifetime, maybe even longer.

He cleared his throat, “You’re probably right.” 

Thomas glanced up at her, only to be answered by that playful look in her eyes. He took a deep breath as he stood. The room was actually clear. God, I need a cigarette.

He grumbled idly as his fingers closed around a rectangle of cool metal. He quickly pulled it out and barely registered the feel of it in his hand as he jammed a cigarette into his mouth. Thomas could already taste the nicotine, a part of him buzzing to life as it demanded the satisfaction of the burn going down his throat. 

“Holy shit.” He barely heard Y/N, but after a pause he turned to face her, cigarette still dangling out of his lips. 

Y/N’s eyes had gone wide, her posture rigid as she stared down at his hand. He glanced down, as horror gripped his heart. Did she see a wire?

Her voice broke when she spoke again, “You kept it.” She pressed her hands over her heart, as if to rub away the sting. 

That’s when he realized what he had grabbed. In his hand was his “ring”, a cigarette case with Y/N’s initials engraved on the face in elegant swooping letters. The silver box was heavy against his calloused skin as he reflexively rubbed his thumb over the engraving, more out of habit than anything, over the only spot where it’d tarnished from human touch. For the first time in years, it felt foreign in his hand.

Thomas was at a loss for words until, with shaky hands, Y/N pulled out a familiar lighter from her pocket and lit his cigarette for him. While it could’ve been a part of a matching set with the case, one thing set it apart. Instead of engraved initials, they were inlaid gold that spelled out “T.M.S”.

He nearly choked on the smoke as it filled his mouth. Then, taking a shuddering draw, he reached out and brushed his thumb over his initials. There were a thousand things he could say and a thousand more he could deny. But in that moment, after being rubbed raw by the events of the day, he didn’t much care.

“Of course, I did. Do you really think you mean so little to me?”

Y/N took a deep breath, “I was dead, Tommy. You had every reason to get rid of it.”

His hand closed around hers, and the lighter within, “And get rid of the last piece of you that I had left? No, it’s a part of me now. Just like my cap, even my own name. I am Thomas Shelby, leader of the Peaky Blinders, and I carry around a cigarette case that has the wrong initials.” 

He’d stepped closer during his little speech. One small step, on right after the other until he wasn’t even an inch from pressing his forehead against Y/N’s. His lips, hovering nearby in some sort of limbo, between the need to kiss her or to keep talking and fill the silence. 

“Do people think it belonged to an enemy?” Y/N chuckled breathlessly. He could hear the sound of tears in her voice as she desperately tried to lighten the mood.

Thomas shrugged, “It’s an easy rumor that helps with my image.”

She couldn’t help but laugh as she finally rested her forehead on his shoulder, “Everyday?”

“Everyday.”

〜

It was the next day; Thomas resisted the urge to pace as he waited for the Inspector to arrive. It’d been a long day of pulling strings, but with the communist’s address in his pocket, he felt oddly hopeful. Now he just needed Ada and Freddie to be anything but stubborn.

Inspector Campbell rounded the corner. In the rain it was difficult to see, but something about the man seemed more haggard, more animalistic. It wasn’t until farther in the conversation that Thomas realized how wrong he was to bring an innocent man into this. But he’d offer up all of Birmingham, if it meant Ada wouldn’t get caught up in all this.

The officer began his tirade, threats against his family. Each one was something he’d anticipated before coming here. The Inspector somehow managed to always ride the line between predictable and problematic. Though, even Thomas had to admit he was seeing red a little by the end. It wasn’t until the Inspector made his last comment that he was caught off guard.

“You know, despite our little feud over these guns, I’m actually surprised by your restraint Mr. Shelby.”

Thomas blinked away the rain, “Pardon me, Inspector?”

He shrugged, “Well, after we grabbed your little friend off the streets, I was expecting more retribution than getting off scot free. Maybe Ms. Y/L/N isn’t as important to you as we thought. Oh well, what’s one more broken girl in Birmingham.”

Inspector Campbell turned to leave and in that moment that it took for his words to sink in, Thomas’ world exploded. 

It was HIM.

Thomas’s gun was out of it’s holster before he could stop himself. White hot rage coursed through his veins, his finger twitching on the trigger. Aunt Pol’s voice in his head, reminding him of something called consequences, was the only thing that gave him pause. Then the Inspector was gone.

Thomas knew he looked wild as he lowered the pistol. The image of Y/N shuffling toward him, supporting herself with garbage, burned itself on the back of his eyelids. She was there when he closed his eyes. She was there when he opened them, shadowed by the rain. Her face was turned up in pain. Then it was Arthur he heard, first telling him about the copper that had ambushed him outside.

He stood there for a long time, rain soaking through his coat. It wasn’t until a shout from down the road caught his attention. Y/N, not the ghost, was striding closer beneath an umbrella.

“Tommy? You ok?”

He forced himself to nod, “What’re you doing out here in the rain?”

She raised her eyebrow, “Did you forget? It’s Wednesday.” 

〜

[Two Months before Somme]

“Christ Tommy, you’ve got that stupid smile on your face again.” Freddie elbowed him with a grin.

Thomas blinked, “What smile?”

Freddie didn’t answer, only rolled his eyes. The day had actually been a slower one for once. Something in the air had changed and a hush had settled over the soldiers in response. Everyone knew something big was on the horizon, but only a select handful would know for certain. And it definitely wasn’t Thomas.

Instead, Freddie asked a question, “So, when is Y/N gonna become queen of the Peaky Blinders?”

“Queen, huh? What’s that make me?” Thomas snorted.

“You’re dodging the question. I know you’ve got no one back home waiting. And I’ve got that little thing called eyes.” 

Thomas ducked his head. He didn’t like talking about the life he could have had. But then something else about what Freddie had said caught his attention.

“It’s that obvious?”

Freddie nodded, “Hopper’s convinced you have a thing for the blokes. Even he sees how you look at her.”

Thomas grimaced, “Well, as long as he’s paying attention to me.”

“You still haven’t answered the question.”

“What question?” Y/N huffed as she tossed a bag down beside the two men. Thomas could already smell the cured meats, she’d been “acquiring’ again. 

He quickly shook his head, “Nothing. What’s all this for?”

Y/N flopped beside him, “Made a deal with a regiment or two. If I can get them tasty food, they can get us better guns that aren’t falling apart.”

“And how do you know they won’t turn you in?”

She flashed him a feral grin, “Last time they asked me for whiskey, remember that?” He nodded. “Well, I’d gotten it from their commanding officer. Who is still pissed about that by the way.”

Thomas found himself laughing. It was then that Freddie glanced between them.

Freddie gracelessly stood, “Well, I gotta head out and do the thing. I’ll see you two later.”

“There’s a thing?” Thomas waved away Y/N’s question as Freddie squelched away in the mud.

Queen of the Peaky Blinders.

Thomas ran his fingers through his hair, “So besides wrangling up stolen goods, what have you been doing all day?”

“Christ, don’t get me started.” When he gestured for her to continue she settled in to explain her little misadventure. “Turns out that the Acquisitions Officer is on the hunt for whoever has been taking socks from the stores. He assumes it’s me, which is fair, but it’s not for once and I’ve been dodging that man all day. Not to mention I got a letter.”

He glanced at her, “That’s a first. From who?”

Y/N grimaced, “My dad, the coward he is.”

Thomas scooted closer, his arm brushing against hers, “What’d he do?”

“Idiot didn’t realize he was too old to draft. So, instead of there even being a possibility of him going to war, he smashed his own knee cap. I’ll give him credit for the no hesitation.”

She took a steadying breath, “However, could you imagine what would happen if you’d done something similar? Everyone was already terrified of what would happen to them. So when word got out about what the Old Man did, other’s tried to do the same thing. Except, most people can’t just break their own knees, so they got drafted anyways. And for everyone else? They’d given up before they were even shipped out.”

“He’d rather cripple himself than go to war?”

Y/N nodded, “It’s why I’m here. Almost everyone who worked for my dad got drafted, but upper management was too old. I was the only one left to look out for them.”

“And that’s your job why?”

“I’m the Boss’s daughter, it’s always been me.”

He nodded, “So what’d you do with the letter?”

Y/N flashed him a grin, “Burned it. Got myself a bit while doing it though.”

“Oh you poor thing, if we make it through this will you marry me?” the question was out of his lips before he could stop himself.

Y/N raised her eyebrow, “Are we going around using that for every little inconvenience now?”

He shrugged defensively, “Maybe I just like to say it.”

Y/N barked with laughter, “Keep this up Shelby, and you’ll actually have to get me a ring.” He stared at her for a moment stunned. Had that been an actual ‘Yes’?

Thomas groaned, “Where the hell am I gonna find a ring in a war camp?”

“That’s up to you.”

“You’re the one that usually finds things,” he grumbled exasperated. 

She reached down and pulled something out of her pocket, “Here. This can be your ‘ring’.” 

He gazed at the cigarette case for a long moment before producing an almost matching lighter. The air had almost grown solemn, the whole world was holding its breath to see if either of them were brave enough.

With a reverence he didn’t even show Aunt Pol’s God, he placed the lighter in Y/N’s hand. And in return, the cold metal of the case slipped between his fingers. Something about the moment felt final, monumental almost. As if these two trinkets had actually been rings exchanged in a church.

“How is it that we even have the same taste in accessories?” Y/N joked, but he could have sworn her grip tightened around the lighter that was once his.

He tugged on his cap, “Dunno, I had mine made after my first job. At least the first one that went right.”

Y/N gasped in mock horror, “The great Thomas Shelby making mistakes?”

“That’s no way to talk to your husband.”

She curled over laughing.

#thomas shelby x reader #thomas shelby imagine #tommy shelby x reader #tommy shelby imagine #reader insert #peaky blinders imagine

[set-phasers-to-whump]

secret

prompt: secret

whumpee: kurt wallander

fandom: young wallander

hey! it’s been a sec since i did a fic for this month lol, so here is this one. hope you like it! 

It’s so stupid, Kurt thinks, afterwards. Of all the dumbest ways to get hurt…

--

Kurt has just come back from a quick morning trip to the store. He’s walking up the staircase to get to his apartment (the elevator is broken again) when there’s a loud clang from somewhere outside. It startles him, and his foot misses the step, and he trips. He’s holding a bag of groceries in his right hand, so he sticks out the left to break his fall.

His hand hits the ground hard, and the wrist folds under him, pinned between his body and the ground. There’s a crunching feeling and he swears he can actually hear a snap and then his wrist, all through his hand, is white hot with pain. He screams and his eyes fill with tears and fuck, he really can’t do this now. He has work today!

He allows himself a few seconds of pain before forcing himself to his feet. He picks up the single apple that had fallen out of his grocery bag, replaces it, then gets moving. His wrist hurts like it’s been smashed with a hammer or something similarly horrible, and it feels hot with the pain. He imagines flames licking up his arm and hopes that he’ll have enough time before work to fix this up - he’s got an ice pack and some painkillers and maybe he can even find something to brace his wrist with. Anything to lessen the pain of his almost-certainly-broken wrist without going to the doctor. 

He can’t go to the doctor. If anyone finds out that he’s hurt, he’s sure Rask will bench him and he’ll be left filling out paperwork while everyone else is out in the field. This sounds like a fate worse than death, and certainly worse than a little bit of discomfort. So it’s decided. He’ll just keep this little injury a secret from everyone he knows, and he’ll take care of it himself, as best as he can. 

Back in his apartment, Kurt quickly downs a few painkillers (though he doubts they’ll do much for him - there’s only so much pain that they’re capable of killing). He checks the time and groans. He’d hoped that he might have time to put some ice on his wrist, maybe even wrap it, but no such luck. He must’ve wallowed in his pain in the stairwell for longer than he’d thought. He needs to leave for work now if he wants to be on time. 

--

By the time he arrives at work, his wrist has started to swell. It’s also sort of floppy and weird-looking, and he adjusts it with his right hand as best as he can, hissing sharply when the movement sends a jolt of pain through his entire lower arm. 

Fortunately, no one had been around to witness this, and Kurt quickly gets to his desk before anyone can notice him. He is definitely not in the mood for conversation right now. 

He sinks down at his desk and eyes the fresh stack of paperwork sitting atop it. He sits there and looks at the papers and tries to get himself to focus, but no such luck. His wrist is throbbing and aching and just plain hurting and it takes all of his effort to make himself sit there and not whimper or cry or scream or do something similarly unbusinesslike. 

“Morning,” comes Reza’s voice, and Kurt looks up from the paperwork. Reza is just sitting down at his desk, opposite Kurt’s, with a steaming cup of coffee and a smile on his face. 

“Morning,” Kurt replies, voice strained. 

“You good?” Reza asks. Kurt nods. 

“You sure? You kind of look...I dunno. Off.”

Kurt tries to make himself not look off, and aims for a smile. It must not come across very well. 

“Are you sick? Did you get hurt?”

He shakes his head. Reza can’t know, because then he’ll want Kurt to go to the doctor, and then he’ll get stuck behind this desk for several weeks, and probably die from a lack of things to do. 

Reza raises his eyebrows at Kurt’s response, but doesn’t push any more. “Alright. Well, listen, Rask said she wants me to get some of these old files from the evidence storage. There’s like, at least 20 boxes. Wanna help?”

Kurt can’t exactly say no to that without sounding like he’s got something to hide (which he has), so he agrees. He stands up, acutely aware of the positioning of his left arm, and follows Reza to evidence storage. 

As soon as they’re in the room, Kurt realizes that he’s in trouble. The shelves are lined with cardboard boxes, none of which look small or light enough to be carried in one hand. Maybe he can balance them on his arms instead…

“First one,” Reza announces, and Kurt hurries to join him. Reza is pulling a box off a shelf that is labeled “Files - 2018.” He holds it out to Kurt, who takes a deep breath and then extends both of his arms. 

Reza looks at him quizzically when Kurt doesn’t reach out to grab the box. “Hello?” he says. “You gonna take it?”

“Put it on my arms,” Kurt instructs, and Reza looks at him like he’s crazy, but sets it down as Kurt had asked. 

He manages to avoid hitting Kurt’s injured wrist, and for a second, Kurt thinks, I can do this, but boxes aren’t really meant for sitting atop human arms. The cardboard slides against the fabric of Kurt’s jacket, and before he can stop it, the box is tumbling to the floor, lid flying off, files going in every direction.

He doesn’t have the energy to be upset. He just looks at the spread of papers for a few seconds, sighing, before slowly crouching to the ground and grabbing a couple in his right hand. 

Reza, who had been in the middle of retrieving another box, sets it down and comes to help. “What happened?” he asks, and Kurt shrugs, carefully setting the papers into the box. 

Reza reaches out and grabs Kurt’s wrist - the right one, thankfully - and Kurt turns to look at him. 

“Seriously, man, you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Kurt says stiffly, pulling his wrist out of Reza’s grasp. He resolutely goes back to his paper-gathering, and Reza silently goes back to his other box, taking it out of the room. 

A few minutes later, Reza returns. Kurt is still in the process of picking up the loose papers, which is taking him much longer than it should due to his only having one usable hand. He’s trying very hard not to keep glancing at his unusable hand, which has begun to bruise around the wrist and all down the back. 

He hears Reza sigh behind him, then speak. “Did something happen to your hand?”

Kurt quickly pulls the sleeve of his jacket down to cover his hand. “No.”

“Kurt.”

Reza crouches down in front of him, staring at his face until Kurt has no choice but to meet his eyes. “Kurt. What’s wrong.”

“Nothing,” Kurt insists, reaching for another file. 

Reza sighs again. “Fine, then come here,” he instructs. Kurt can tell that he doesn’t have much of a choice, so he obeys, carefully pushing himself to his feet with his right hand. 

“Take this,” Reza says, and he holds out another box of files. Kurt swallows nervously, thinks, this is about to go terribly wrong, then reaches out both of his hands and grabs the box. 

Which promptly drops from his grasp with a cry of pain. Trying to move his hand and close his fingers had been bad enough, but adding on the fact that his wrist is trying to support a weight - the pain is so intense that his vision goes blurry, and he sits down hard, nearly collapsing. Out of instinct, he cradles his left hand to his chest, wanting at once to touch it and keep it secure and to leave it alone so he doesn’t hurt himself even more. 

He doesn’t even realize that Reza is still there until something touches his left hand. He winces and tries to pull away, but there’s nowhere for him to go. Reza’s hand gently pulls Kurt’s own hand away from his body, his fingers light against the tender skin. It hurts a lot anyway, and Kurt kind of hates himself for the hot tears that have started gathering in his eyes for the second time that day. 

“Kurt…” Reza says, and Kurt closes his eyes. He can’t do this, it hurts so much, he doesn’t want to be here, god, it hurts…

“Your wrist is broken,” Reza continues, after a beat. Kurt had been expecting anger, but Reza’s voice is decidedly calm. He can’t decide whether he likes this or hates it. 

“Yeah,” Kurt agrees, because there’s really no point in lying now. 

“You need to see a doctor.”

“I don’t want to,” Kurt says, and he’s aware that he probably sounds like a child, but it’s the truth. 

“You need to, Kurt. I will force you, if I have to.”

He definitely doesn’t want that. He is unfortunately well aware of the fact that Reza is capable of picking him up, and further, that Reza has no qualms about picking him up. He doesn’t exactly feel like being bodily removed from the police station and forced to the doctor, so he acquiesces. 

“Fine.”

“Good decision.”

Reza helps him to his feet, being overly careful to avoid his left side completely. He keeps a hand on Kurt’s shoulder as they walk out of evidence storage, leaving behind several files still strewn across the floor. 

“We’re telling Rask first,” Reza says, the hand on Kurt’s shoulder guiding him towards her office. Kurt groans, but it’s too late to back out now. Reza knocks on the door and Rask waves them in. 

--

In the end, it’s not so bad. Rask gives him a stern talking-to that is half anger, half concern, and the doctor gives him an x-ray and then a cast and then some painkillers which work a good deal better than the ones from home. He also instructs Kurt to take a few days off of work before returning to desk duty (instructions that Kurt - and probably Reza, too - knows full well he’s not going to follow).

When it’s all done, Reza drives him home (Rask had been quite firm that he was to take the remainder of the day off). He insists upon Kurt settling himself onto the couch with an ice pack on his wrist and the painkillers in easy reach. He won’t leave until he’s satisfied that everything is in order, and even then, Kurt has to prod him with reminders that he still has 19 boxes of evidence to remove from storage. 

“And whose fault is that, I wonder,” Reza says, making his way to the door at long last. “I’d be done with those boxes by now if it weren’t for you.”

“Sorry.”

“I’m not mad. But would it kill you to occasionally tell other people about your problems?”

Kurt considers this. “Maybe,” he decides at last. Reza shakes his head and laughs as he opens the door. 

“See you tomorrow,” he says, and Kurt actually manages to smile at him.

“See you tomorrow.”

thanks for reading this! hope you liked it :)

#whumpmasinjuly #young wallander #kurt wallander #secret #hidden injury #my writing #i say things #broken bones #broken wrist #sorry for any mistakes i am tired and no more editing will be done

[ipuckwithhockey]

Always In Your Corner- Part 2

a/n: I probably should have mentioned this is gonna be a slow burn. Sorry if you were hoping this was gonna be a quick get together, you’ll just have to keep reading!

PART 1

Summary: You were happily engaged to your perfect boyfriend when everything came tumbling down on you. The person you turned to just so happened to be your long time friend, Boone Jenner. The ever loyal Boone is there to help you get back on your feet. Little did you know, Boone had been pining after you for all these years, he’s just not sure if you’ll ever feel the same way about him.

Warnings: mentions of cheating, swearing, anxiety and depression if you squint

--------------

You’ve probably been sitting in your car outside of Boone’s building for an hour when there’s a knock at your window. It startles you and shakes you out of the deep dark place you had been in your head. You turn to see Boone’s face separated from yours by a pain of tinted glass. You moved to roll your window down, and that’s when Boone can see that you’ve been crying. His face softens when he gently asks you, “What happened?”

He doesn’t really have to ask, the full car and tear stained face are enough for him to know exactly what happened. You don’t even bother with answering his question because you’re afraid you’ll start crying again.  

“I just- I just need somewhere to stay for a couple days, but I understand if you don’t even want to see me after what happened the other night..” You can’t help it, the tears are coming even if you don’t want them to. 

“It’s cold out here, let’s get you inside.” His puppy-like eyes are soft as he answers matter of factly and you nod, rolling your window up, and cutting the ignition. You grab a small bag you had set aside with what you would need for a couple days. Ever the gentleman, Boone takes the bag from your hands and leads you up to his apartment. 

You sit down on the couch and after an hour of silence you know the least that you could do is explain what actually happened earlier that day. You explain everything, and Boone is exactly how you thought he would be. He’s tender and sympathetic and he says all the right things. He holds you when you cry and eventually your exhausted body falls asleep. After about an hour Boone decides to slowly pick you up to move you to his bed.

He thought about just taking you to his guest room, but it didn’t feel right to leave you like this. The look of exhaustion was still clear on your swollen face. When he gets you tucked in, he leaves you to turn the kitchen lights off. Surprisingly you’ve managed to stay asleep through all the moving, so he decides to make a quick call to Josh. Josh is quick to pick up, “Hey man what’s up, you still coming out tonight?”

“No, uhh.. Y/N showed up at my place a couple hours ago. She broke up with Craig. Apparently the asshole has been sleeping with his secretary for like three fucking months.” Josh had expected a call confirming this evening’s plans, but now he could hear just how pissed Boone was, and with the information he was sharing Josh’s temper was also starting to flare up. Josh also didn’t know why Boone was whispering?

“What the fuck. Are you fucking serious? If you don’t kill him I will. And why the hell are you whispering? I can barely hear you man.”

“Sorry, Y/N’s asleep. She fell asleep crying. I told her she could stay here for a few days. I swear if I ever see that asshole again, I’m going to need someone to stop me from killing him.”

“Well, there is a bright side to all of this…” Boone has no clue what Josh is talking about. One of their best friends just got cheated on by her fiancé for christ sake!

“Booner, she’s going to be single... Meaning you can finally make your move!”

“Dude, she thought she was going to marry that asshole. She’s fucking depressed. I’m not going to go make a move on a girl who can barely say sentence without crying.”

“Well not RIGHT NOW. But eventually, before she finds some other douchebag you need to make your move!” Josh has a point. If there was ever going to be an opportunity for Boone to tell you how he felt, it was now. Well not RIGHT NOW, but maybe once you got back on your feet. The conversation doesn’t last much longer, and Boone finally makes his way back to his bed. He gently slides in, trying not to wake you, and realizes just how tiresome all of this has been for him.

——

The next morning you wake up with Boone’s arms around you.  His arms are so warm and comfortable, and it takes a minute for you to realize where you are, and who you’re with. Then yesterday’s events come flooding back to you. You try your best to slide out of Boone’s arms without waking him and head into the bathroom.

The girl who stares back at you in the mirror is dressed in the same pair of sweats you had put on when you left your apartment for the last time, but still, you didn’t recognize her. She’s sad and alone, and her face is red and swollen from hours of crying.

You find some mouth wash under Boone’s sink and rinse your face, but it does little to improve your emotional hangover. By the time you leave the bathroom Boone has gotten up. You hear movement in the kitchen and find him at the stove fixing breakfast.  You hadn’t even realized how hungry you were until you smelt the bacon.

“Hey..” You weren’t sure what to say, a “good morning” didn’t seem appropriate. When Boone’s eyes meet yours, there’s a flick of the sadness you saw in your own just moment ago.

“Morning. I put some coffee on, and breakfast should be ready in a couple minutes.” He’s doing a better job at cutting the tension in the room and you’re grateful for it.

“Thanks. You didn’t have to do all of this”

“Hey, I told you I would always be in your corner and I meant it.” He places a plate of eggs and toast and bacon down in front of you and your stomach growls loud enough for both of you to hear. “Jesus. Kid, when was the last time you ate?” He’s making a joke, trying to keep it light for both of your sakes, but your response although true, is dampening on the mood,

“I guess I haven’t eaten since dinner the night before last… I didn’t get a chance to eat breakfast yesterday before everything happened…” You’re trying not to cry, and if it weren’t for Boone distracting you by letting you know exactly how he cooked the eggs you probably would have broken down again. Most of your meal is eaten in silence and then Boone lets you know he has morning skate. He says he can skip it but you insist that he goes. You tell him you need to start looking for a new place and whatnot. Before he leaves for practice he looks at you like he wants to say something,

“Yes?”

“I just- I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable last night. I just didn’t want to leave you in the guest room, alone, and then you had a nightmare and you were crying in your sleep and so i just kind of held you until we both fell back to sleep… I just didn’t really know what els-“

The vague memory of your nightmares popped up in your head. They had of course been about Craig. You remember seeing him and Chelsea standing together, happy, and taunting you. The failure of your relationship together wasn’t your fault, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t feel that way. You only slightly remember Boone pulling you into him, and really only that it felt better when he did. “B, you didn’t make me uncomfortable. And thank you. For everything. You don’t know how much this all of this means.”

He smiles back at you before slipping out the door

——

It’s been over a week since that morning you woke up in Boone’s arms. You’ve stayed in his guest room every night since, but when you wake up with nightmares or when he hears you crying yourself to sleep he can’t help but knock on your door. Inevitably you fall asleep in his arms, and wake up with him wrapped around you. 

If you weren’t so numb from everything going on around you, you might have felt the same butterflies that Boone felt every night when you held onto him like you never wanted to let go. You knew that you couldn’t rely on him as your safety blanket forever.  The first couple days were rough and just about all you did was cry, but you went back to work after a few days it actually helped take your mind off of things. 

Going back to work helped settle some of Boone’s nerves too. He was worried about you, and seeing you mope around crying for days was freaking him out. You were always sure of yourself and quick to bounce back, never getting hung up on things for too long. He had never seen you like this and he wasn’t sure of what else he could do. Work helped bring some normalcy back into both of your lives, and it made Boone feel a little less helpless. 

Knowing you couldn’t just live with Boone forever you made yourself look at apartments and during your lunch break yesterday you signed the lease papers for your new place. It was a small one bedroom that was only a couple blocks from Boone.

Boone was glad you were getting back on your feet, but he could tell you were still broken inside, and he could see the sadness in your eyes every time they looked back at his. He wanted to fix it and he wanted to make you whole again, but he couldn’t. So instead he did everything he could to be there for you. He made sure you ate, and made sure you felt at home in his, and he even offered to help you move your stuff into your new place.

The only problem was that you didn’t have much to move. You didn’t even have any furniture. When you moved in with Craig you sold most of the furniture you had and when you left you didn’t have much interest in taking anything with memories of him. He never even called after you left. You weren’t sure if it was easier that way, or if it just confirmed that you had wasted three years of your life on a man who fell out of love with you. You also tried to keep your mind from wondering what would come of his relationship with Chelsea. Either way, you were trying to turn a new page, no matter how painful. You were trying your hardest to be that strong girl everyone knew you as. 

That’s how you found yourself in the car with Boone on a Sunday afternoon, headed to a furniture store. He insisted that he would help you pick some stuff out for your new place, and you honestly had no idea why. Boone was your stereotypical hockey player, and it was all function over form. If it was comfortable it worked, and he definitely didn’t have much interest in interior decorating.  Nevertheless, here you were parking in the lot of a furniture store.

You were right of course, Boone didn’t have much interest in furniture, but he always had an interest in anything that involved you. He wanted to help, and if this was helping then he was going to do it. You’re making your way into the store when a sales person tells you they’ll be around if you need anything. The first thing on your list is a bed. You at least needed somewhere to sleep.

“So. What kind of bed are you looking for?” Boone turns to you like you have a game plan, and while you probably should have one, you don’t. You know you need a bed and that’s about as far as you’d gotten.

“Well, I guess probably a full or queen? I don’t think the room is big enough for anything bigger, and it’s not like I’ll be sleeping with anyone.” As you navigate around the showroom, you tried to make a joke of that last bit but it just came out sounding sad, and neither one of you knew just what to say. You thought the bubbly sales lady walking towards you would help lighten the mood, but then she started talking...

“That’s a great option right there! It comes in a few different finishes too!” The woman who introduced herself as Carla is referring to a King sized, wood framed bed that sits in front of you and Boone. You hadn’t even been looking at it but Carla seemed intent that this was the bed for you.

“Oh, I don’t think I need a bed that big…” You’re trying your best to be polite but you hate sales people and your current state just wants you to find some furniture so you can go home and go back to bed.

“Well, if you’re sharing it with a large guy like him you may want the space. But something smaller would be cozy!!” Is she insinuating what you think she is? You look to Boone and his face is flushed, “We’re uh- we’re not together…” He says it like he’s sorry that she would make the assumption and the awkward tension in the showroom could be cut with a knife.

Luckily for you, Carla, ever the professional saleswoman has already moved on to her next sales pitch. She’s taken you over to a nice queen bed. It’s a fabric bed frame that’s a soft gray color. It’s pretty but simple with tufting across the headboard.

Carla convinces you to purchase the bed and gets you a pretty good discount on a couch and a chair for your living room. When you finally get home Boone decides to order take out for dinner and while you wait he convinces you to order the same type of mattress that he has. It is the most comfortable bed you’ve ever slept in so convincing you wasn’t all that hard. By the time your food arrives you’ve also ordered an Ikea dresser for your room and some bookshelves. You’re really thanking yourself for your big girl job and for being such a frugal saver, because restarting your life wasn’t cheap. Oh, and thank god Ikea existed.

Boone sat next to you at the island as you perused various furniture websites. He was glad you were going to be getting into your new place but he was going to miss you. He was also leaving on a road trip in the morning and wouldn’t be back for a week. He couldn’t help but worry about you on your own. You still slept together nearly every night, and when you didn’t he was pretty sure you just laid awake all night. He was right. Your sleep schedule was fucked. When you did feel like sleeping it was during the day when you were at work, but at night your mind would betray you with thoughts of your failed relationship.

You did mentally thank yourself for not getting around to sending the save the dates, but you did still have to cancel the venue and the flowers that you had already ordered. The dress you had your eye on thankfully hadn’t been purchased yet, and your mom had taken the initiative to start calling people to tell them what had happened. Normally you would insist on doing everything yourself but nothing sounded worse right now than calling vendors to cancel your orders. Your mom was happy to do it for you and at least you didn’t have that weighing on you. You were however getting nervous about Boone leaving for a road trip.

He had become your sense of safety since you left Craig. You didn’t want to admit that you might need him so when Boone asked if you would be okay on your own over the next week you gave him your best smile and said you would be fine. You’d have to do this on your own eventually 

#boone jenner #boone jenner fic #boone jenner imagine #boone jenner fanfiction #nhl imagines #nhl fic #nhl fanfiction #hockey fic #hockey writing #hockey imagine #columbus blue jackets #always in your corner fic

[annabethy]

40 for percabeth please?? Maybe in battle or something?

#40 passionate kisses

The entire forest was crawling with monsters that had attacked during their intense game of capture the flag. As Annabeth stood behind the barrier, safe out of harm’s way, she watched more and more monsters appear, nervously chewing on her lower lip.

It was like she couldn’t ever get a break. A little over a year after the war with Gaea ended, and it never really ended. It just wasn’t fair to her. It wasn’t fair to anyone.

People in the camp ran all over the place, gathering armor to protect themselves from the creatures outside. She’s pretty sure she saw the all too familiar minotaur and a couple of cyclops, and she was not looking forwards to messing with those. If she even so much as looks at them, it’s like she’s suddenly back in Tartarus, surrounded by the horrors she has no way of escaping.

Annabeth rested her hand on her drakon bone sword that dug into the ground in a moment of weakness, staring out in the distance. The memories started to flood her mind and she didn’t have the strength to push them out, so she let them come.  She honestly isn’t sure how long she stood at the edge of the forest while a bunch of demigods ran around, preparing to fight, but at some point, someone slid their hand over her shoulder, squeezing comfortingly.

“You okay?”

Annabeth picked at the inside of her cheek with her teeth, feeling her heart rate start to slow down as Percy’s thumb rubbed soothing circles along her back. The way he handled her made her think he already knew what was bothering her. He knew her too well.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

She shook her head slowly, trying to press down the bulge in her throat. “I’m okay.”

Percy’s head settled onto her shoulder from behind her, arms snaking around her waist. She could feel the metal of his armor pressing uncomfortably into her back.

“I just hate it,” she continued. Percy hummed behind her in acknowledgement, allowing her space to speak. “Fighting like this. I thought we were done with this shit.”

“Me too,” he said sadly. “But this shouldn’t be too hard. It’s not a prophecy we’re fighting this time.”

“No, but… It’s just not fair. We fight and fight and they just keep coming back. It feels like it’s never going to end.”

Percy kissed her cheek. “I know, but the only thing we can do is take it one day at a time.”

Annabeth would never be able to do that. She was always much too concerned with the future, fretting over it until she fell apart. She couldn’t help it. “We might not always be this lucky,” she said bitterly. “We’ve survived, but demigods aren’t known to live long. What if something happens to you?”

Percy’s laugh is a burst of air against her neck. “Is that what you’re worried about?”

“Don’t laugh at me,” she said miserably.

“I’m not laughing at you,” he defended, wrapping a strand of hair that escaped her ponytail around the base of the hair tie. “But I can take care of myself. I promise I’m always going to come back to you, so you don’t need to worry, okay?”

Still, she can’t help it. She has seen too many people go into battle and not make it out. It didn’t take a lot to kill a human, she now knew. They were fragile, like glass, and if Percy took one hit that was just too much, then—

She doesn’t even want to think about what she would do.

Percy tugged her ponytail when she refused to look at him. Eventually, her eyes found his, albeit against her will, and he looked at her warmly. “I’m right here, and I’m okay.”

“Do you promise?” she asked, pouting slightly.

Percy turned her around to face him, cupping her face and teasing her lower lip with his thumb to stop her pout. “I promise, because you remember what I said to you years ago?”

“What?”

“That I’m never getting away from you ever again. We’re building something permanent, you and I.”

“You mean that?”

“I do.”

Annabeth’s lips twitched upwards, eyes flicking towards the people beginning to gather by the protective barrier before landing on his face. She tried to burn the memory of him into her as though he wasn’t already something she could never forget.

“I love you,” she said.

“I love you too,” he said, pulling her in and slowly settling his lips over hers.

At first, it was gentle, giving them a moment to breathe each other in, to remember that they were with each other and that would never change. It was slow and sweet, them moving together as one.

Everything around them drowned out, and she felt like she had been catapulted back to when they reunited in New Rome, not caring if an asteroid hit because they were together and that was enough.

Slowly though, Annabeth was reminded that even though he says he’ll always be there with her, he has no control over whether or not that actually happens. Demigods never survive long, and it was a miracle they’d made it as far as they had. Within the next five minutes, anything could go terribly wrong and either one of them could end up dead, so they needed to do this now.

There was no waiting until after the battle to be with one another, because there might not be an after.

So she deepened the kiss, not caring who was around to see them. Percy responded with equal enthusiasm, pressing against her hard. Her hands threaded through her hair, lips parting slightly in a gasp as he bit her lower lip.

They were practically intertwined, kissing like they might not ever get to again. Annabeth became dizzy as her lungs burned, but she refused to pull away. She needed it too much, and she always would.

She leaned further into him, embracing the warmth and comfort that followed him around. He was the person she could always lean on, the person to pull her away from the terrors that only came at night.

She really loved him, and she tried her best to show him that by pouring all of herself into this moment.

Someone whistled behind them, forcing them to pull away with an embarrassing pop. When they looked around, everyone had stopped moving to stare at them, and her face wasted no time in flushing red.

Hundreds of eyes blinked back at them, and it was only then that she realized they must’ve been standing there for a while and they just hadn’t realized it, too preoccupied with the task at hand. There were little kids snickering, and then there were the older campers looking at them with approbation, one of which mouthed nice to Annabeth.

Percy’s hand was still tucked comfortably around her because even with the mortification of having just made out in front of a bunch of minors, he wasn’t ready to let go just yet.

Piper cleared her throat from somewhere to their right, thankfully drawing the attention off of them, announcing loudly to the camp, “We should probably go kill some monsters before they completely take over, yeah?”

People began to mutter in agreement, slowly stalking through the barrier, weapons at hand, leaving Percy and Annabeth with one last minute to themselves.

As Annabeth got distracted by the group slowly wandering out, Percy stepped in front of her again, blocking everything from her vision except him. She smiled weakly, her brain still going a thousand miles an hour.

“I love you,” he said softly for just the two of them, grabbing her hand.

“I know.”

“You going to be okay?”

Annabeth took a deep breath. The future was unknown, terrible things hidden behind a thin veil, and she would never be ready to blindly step into it. But sometimes, she had no other choice, and she had to accept that.

“I’ll be okay,” she said, and together, hand in hand, they stepped into the forest, and into the unknown.

#percy jackson #annabeth chase #percabeth #pjo #my writing #anon #i hope u like it because i was very distracted as i wrote it #hoo #anyone else? #asks

[jenovahh]

The Honey Pot - Ch. 27 - The Things that Made Us

It was hard to keep your stress down when you were planning to try and expose the biggest crime boss the world has ever known.

There’s hardly a moment Merlwyb isn't throwing you a concerned glance at the first sign of you getting worked up as you, her, and Cid sit around a big table filled with papers and photos. Empty sugar and cream packets that have gone into about three or four mugs of coffee. Half eaten snacks ranging from croissants to a bag of chips from the closest gas station (which given that Cid was rich and lived outside of the city, was quite far).

While you appreciate her worry, you’re near ready to pull your hair out as a result. At the first sign of you raising your voice, she places a gentle hand on yours reminding you to calm down. When you reach for a mug of coffee, she bats your hand away with a stern look. If you didn’t know any better, you’d swear Zenos had put her up to it.

“I’m going to go crazy, Cid.” you confess, collapsing on a couch in his office, finished with another day of planning. Three heads were admittedly better than one, especially when one of them was a genius. “It’s like she thinks I’m made of glass despite being undercover for nearly a year with the worst gang the world has ever known.”

Cid lightly chuckles at that, having grabbed some dried calamari to snack on as he finishes up a few things in his office. “I think it’s her way of trying to take care of you, given that she feels she failed you so miserably.” Even though the statement is loaded with truth, Cid delivers it with a warm smile.

You can’t help but feel a little bad; Merlwyb was probably taking you under her care because she knows Raubahn would do the same.

“Cid, I came to you to vent. Not for you to make me feel bad.” You pout, kicking weakly at the cushions before rolling to face him as he settles in his desk. “I hope she doesn’t feel obligated to take care of me.” You murmur softly, barely a whisper as your heart fills with melancholy.

Settling in, Cid turns on his computer and begins to work. “It might be partly obligation. It might be repayment. But do those things matter?” he asks, giving you an inquisitive look. “Would you rather have her apathy and scorn?”

Shaking your head, Cid nods, typing away at his computer. “I know that it is something you struggle with, Honey, to accept a person’s affection. But you should try it sometime. You might be surprised at what you find.”

You can’t help but feel like a little kid around him sometimes, some worthwhile lesson always falling out of his mouth. You tell him as much. “Would it kill you to be wrong for once?” You joke, tossing him a lazy smile.

“I’m afraid it is my job to be right at least ninety-nine percent of the time, or I'd be up to my ears in lawsuits.” He laughs, having not stopped typing for a second. “You should get some rest, my dear. I’ll be up for a while yet.”

“Shouldn’t you sleep?” You return, sitting up to throw him a scrutinous look.

“Unless you’re able to pull a few strings I didn’t know about, and also prepare enough tech to take down a corporate super giant…” Cid trails off, looking as if he’s to start packing up.

“I get it, I get it, sheesh.” You groan, standing to your feet. “I think I will go to bed if it means I’ll actually get to be right, even if I’m by myself.” You huff, sticking your tongue out at him for good measure.

“You need it, growing babe be damned.” Cid smiles, pausing his work to see you off. “You’ve worked damn hard for us up until this point Honey. Let us return the favor.”

Giving him a heartfelt smile, you wave good night to him and head out the door, reentering the hallway. The night is quiet despite the fact an uprising looms on the horizon. Somehow it seems both close and far away, the idea that things would finally come to a head, sides would be taken and long buried truths would finally come to light.

These twilight hours were your only time of peace, a few sacred hours before you needed to wind down for bed before Zenos woke you up to train in the morning.

Your feet have carried you to him before you realize it, finding him meditating in the indoor garden. You watch him silently from behind the glass, the rising and falling of his chest, eyes closed as he finds his center and stays there. One of the few times he looks tranquil and genuinely at peace, and given the small glimpse you had of his personal life, of his past, perhaps it served more than just the purpose of calming his body.

Maybe his spirit needed it as well, though he would never admit it.

Jolting as his eyes suddenly flick open and land on you, you can’t help but be mildly embarrassed for staring so blatantly, and for so long. Thinking to shy away and meander down the hallway to go somewhere else (preferably far away), he’s already uncrossed his legs and stood, briskly walking to catch up to you before you can even get a fulm down the hall. “You are done for the day.” he observes, his long legs allowing him to catch up to you in no time at all.

“Yeah, yeah. We’re wrapping things up I suppose, or at least there’s nothing more I can do but wait.” You grumble, a little put out still despite Cid’s earlier words. “What have you been up to?”

“I’ve little to do, by your side.” he responds, voice surprisingly neutral.

“Do you miss...being in a gang?” you ask hesitantly, the two of you slowly walking wherever your feet take you. He seems to be following your lead rather than the other way around, and his slow stride suggests he’s not in a rush to go anywhere else except near you.

“No, and not for reasons one might think. I was apathetic toward my father’s bidding. Whatever his lackeys did, whatever shipments needed securing, it was all beneath my notice. My only concern was for the thrill of battle. Of storming hideouts and searching for new opponents.” He rumbles, the timbre of his voice vibrating in his broad chest. “In a way, I do miss the feeling of wondering if I would find a suitable opponent...the anticipation that would most times lead to disappointment...or joy.” Smirking, he gives you a burning look. “However, I’ve not felt that since meeting you.”

Huffing, you stick your tongue out at him. “Careful, that sounded almost romantic.” you groan, giving him a playful shove. Looking to your feet, you both are silent for a moment until you speak up again. “Sometimes I miss being a cop.”

He arches a brow at that, brushing a stray hair from his face. “Why would you miss such a…” he pauses as he searches for the right word. “...restrictive job setting?”

“I miss helping people. Or at least, feeling like I was helping people.” You answer, realizing you had somehow found yourself in the kitchen. Cid learned to keep some of your favorite snacks stocked here due to your frequent visits in the past. “I miss my friends, I miss my apartment, I miss just…”

“You miss your old life.” Zenos responds for you, taking the words right out your mouth. Once again his voice is neutral, giving away nothing, but he won’t let you see his face when you turn to gaze up at him.

Fumbling for the right words, you wring your hands together. “Let’s eat some ice cream.” You smile, buying you some time to think. You’re moving to circle the island in the middle of the kitchen before he can stop you, heading to the cabinets to reach for some bowls.

“Ice cream is unhealthy and full of unnecessary--”

“Zenos yae Galvus, if you do not get me two bowls down, I will gut you.”

He shudders at your threat and you can’t help but roll your eyes that only he would even get off on what is supposed to be a playful bluff. So what you could back it up? Though it was probably that very fact that excited him.

Doing as told he grabs two bowls for you, silent as he watches you move around the kitchen like you’ve lived here before. A familiarity that only comes with being welcomed into one’s home. You grab the spoons and point him toward the bar stools at the island, Zenos obeying without protest as you wrench the freezer door open and pull out your favorite Rolanberry ice cream.

You grab a heated scoop (specifically engineered by Ironworks technologies) to easily serve you and Zenos both, returning the ice cream to its place in the freezer before sliding Zenos his bowl and spoon. He looks at it questioningly as you sit down, diving right into your own ice cream. “This looks as if it was purchased from a...commoner store.” He sighs, poking at it questioningly.

“It was. Because I asked Cid to get it from a grocery store.” You reply, not missing a beat as you help yourself to another spoonful. “Hurry up and eat it before it melts.”

“Do you fear asking Garlond for higher quality sweets?” he asks, deciding to try a taste for himself. The face he makes shows that he is less than impressed and you can’t help but giggle at it.

“Not at all. This is just an ice cream I would eat a lot with Minfilia when I was a kid.” you answer, the uttering of her name not stinging as much as it used to. Maybe now that you had realized her captor, her killer, and that you were finally about to avenge her as you had promised, made it sting a little less.

Zenos is silent still, seeming uncharacteristically quiet. A little unnerved, you decide to answer his earlier question. “I do miss my old life. I miss my friends, Y’shtola and Lyse. I met them toward the end of high school. My truest friends. I haven’t talked to them since I told them I’d be going undercover to try and get close to you.” You muse, stirring your melting ice cream slightly before spooning it in your mouth.

“I miss my apartment. Even though it’s been nice never running out of hot water, having five star meals every day, sometimes I miss my shitty, little space. The tub with the terrible caulk job on the edges, the one panel on the blinds that would always break and never stay fixed. The spot on the carpet that wouldn’t come out after I spilled soda on it, no matter how hard I scrubbed.” You laugh thinking about it all, wondering if all your things had been kept safe.

“Sometimes I miss just feeling...normal.”

Though he says nothing, you can see Zenos’ brows furrow at the statement, smiling a little at his confusion. “I don’t know the specifics of the Resonant but up until...someone told me of the Echo, this whole time I thought I was ‘normal’. I thought I was like one of those Olympians, you know? That I was just really strong and had crazy fast reflexes. It never occurred to me that I was...something else entirely.” You murmur sadly, scooping a spoonful solemnly into your mouth.

“I remember so little of my childhood. It feels like it happened in short bursts. A period of just moving from place to place, until Minfilia took me, and ran away. Then there were the years with her, in bits and pieces, and then...nothing.” Finishing our ice cream, your vision unfocuses, as if staring at nothing. “Suddenly, as if I was just waking up, I was getting ready to graduate high school with my friends and joining the police force to find my mother’s killer.”

Looking up at Zenos, he stares back, but with an unreadable emotion on his face. Maybe, not necessarily unreadable, but as if he doesn’t know how to express however he’s feeling. “If you told me that I’d land myself in the lap of my mother’s killer and fall for his son two years ago, I wouldn’t have believed you.” You laugh bitterly as you finally make your way to the answer he sought. “But...as hard as it’s been...as painful as this has all been...I would never take it back.” You smile at him warmly, watching as his jaw clenches. “I wouldn’t have gotten to meet you otherwise.”

He is quiet still after your confession, and though he doesn’t say it back (part of you doubts he ever will), you are content knowing that you know he cares for you in his own way, by the gestures of how he cares for you. As he seems content to stew in his thoughts, you silently hook your finger on the rim of his bowl, dragging it toward you slowly while meeting his eyes in question. He only gives you a weak glare, but says nothing else, and you go ahead and drag it to your side of the counter and begin to eat his share of ice cream.

“The Resonant is a result of my blood.”

Looking up, you hadn’t expected him to speak. He looks uncomfortable, guarded, wary. “My mother was like you, a descendant of an Ancient. From what I understand it is rare for descendants to be born so closely together. The bloodline is passed down, but not every soul manifests its power.” He explains, toying with the ends of his fine hair, as if in a long buried, nervous habit. “To this day, I do not know what powers my mother had, just that she was unlucky enough to be caught by my father, and forced into his bed to create me.”

Frowning, you abandon your extra ice cream and reach across the island to place your hand on his. He jerks away from the contact initially, giving you a withering look, but at the look of genuine worry on your face, he curses under his breath. Returning his hand to the counter, he faces his palm upward, allowing you to clutch it with your own, running your thumb on his palm in nonsensical patterns.

“When I was born, I had shown no initial signs of ‘success’. No visible powers or abilities that would show that the bloodline of the Ancients could be used to create powerful offspring. It is why I am an only child. My father initially deemed it a failure and saw my mother as useless.” He continues, returning the motions of your fingers drawing patterns on his skin, focusing on where your hands are joined as he tells his story.

“This did not mean my father had given up hope of course. For all his airs of being a ruthless businessman, he is still a man of science. He never quit his experiments with aether, and drained every last bit of info from my mother he could until she finally ended her own suffering.” He ground out. Even as he crushed your hand within his quite painfully, you didn’t breathe a word of pain, not wanting to break this fragile moment.

“The majority of my youth, all I had known was testing at the hands of my father’s scientists. As young as ten years old, I had become well acquainted with the feel of needles, bright lights, cold rooms after my studies. I had rebelled in my youth of course, by using the power of my wealth, my prestige. I slept with anything that walked. Harmed anyone who dared cross me. It wasn’t like we didn’t have the money to pay the lawyers for it.” he sighed, his grip on your hand relaxing a bit. For a moment he is quiet, drawing patterns on your skin.

“It wasn’t until my early teens that my father’s best scientist finally had a breakthrough.”

His free hand reaches for the collar of his shirt, tugging it down forcefully to stretch the fabric more than it was intended. You see the beginnings of his tattoo, parts of the scales and talons that make up the dragon lurking beneath. “Aulus mal Asina...an eccentric most would call him as far as science goes. But it was just that sort of eccentricity my father needed after losing Midas nan Garlond to his own experiments.” Releasing a bitter laugh of his own, Zenos mumbled something underneath his breath before continuing. “He had proposed this tattoo.”

Even though Zenos’ focus has not left the sight of your hands twined together, as if it is the only thing grounding him in reality as he retells his life’s story, he goes on as if sensing your confusion. “Your power, the power of the Ancients, comes from that tattoo on the back of your neck. Or at least, that is the theory Aulus acted upon. Using this strain of thought, he made aether infused ink and put this dragon upon my chest, activating dormant blood...activating what he would call the Resonant.”

You can feel your own throat begin to close up, as you struggle to not shed a tear at how horribly Zenos had been treated. It was no wonder that his view of life was so incredibly warped, with a dad that was more concerned about turning his son into some sort of supernatural being than being there for him.

“It was also the last I had seen of Aulus. For when the Resonant activated, I had no control. It had felt almost like an out of body experience…” he trails off, a note of excitement creeping into his voice, but still he maintains his bitter expression. “I had...murdered anyone in the room with me in cold blood.” He sighs, hazarding a glance at you. Much like him, you keep your expression neutral, giving away nothing, deciding instead to scream from the inside.

“It took several tranquilizing darts to take me down. It was then I was put into my training to control the Resonant.” He rests the weight of his head on his free hand, still clutching your hand in his, drawing more random patterns on your skin. “The exhilaration I feel when in control of the Resonant cannot be compared. To be so fast, so strong, I had become obsessed with using it at any opportunity. It was then I became obsessed with the thrill of the hunt.” His eyes finally meet yours. “I had told you already how I would give myself impossible odds to fight against, until one day the thrill stopped.”

Something about that statement finally makes you meet his gaze, standing on the precipice of the unknown once more. “Do you still love me now? Even after all the monstrous things I’ve done? The people I’ve killed?” He questions, voice taunting on the surface, but you know better. Know him better than that.

You can hear the resentment that his father twisted him into the pained man he has become.

The bitterness that despite being rich, powerful, attractive, nothing would change how warped he felt inside.

The anguish that at this moment, he had bared his soul to you, let you see who he is in full...and that with his past now bared to you, you could leave him.

“Am I not any different?” You ask, clearly throwing him for a loop.

“You have only started maiming when I,”

“No, I haven’t.” You cut him off, your hand clutching his for comfort this time. Your vision goes dark around the edges as a long buried memory tries to dredge its way to the surface. “I don’t remember the details. Nor would I ever want to...all I remember is a sea of red. A knife in my hand. And dead bodies littering the floor because I was too late to stop them from taking Minfilia.”

Your breath begins to come fast, too fast, and Zenos snags you by the chin, forcing you to look at him, to acknowledge he is real and with you and you’re not standing in a pool of blood in this very moment.

“Gods help me, Zenos, did you think you could scare me away?” You laugh even though you tremble as you do so. “At this point who else could want a freak like me?”

You see something in his eyes, the spark that maybe he felt the same. That somewhere deep within him he craved love just like anyone else, no matter how much of his life he spent convincing himself the opposite. That he wanted to hold and be held, to kiss and be kissed, to experience the affection and adoration and care that he doubtless saw the many people around him experience over the years.

Of course he would fuck anything with legs. It was mostly likely the only time he got any sort of physical contact that wasn’t him being experimented on. The only time he knew someone wanted him.

Standing to your feet, you intend to do just that. You release his hand only long enough to circle the island and come to stand between his legs as he still remains seated upon the bar stool. Even sitting he’s still fairly tall.

Reaching for his hands, you bring them to loop around your waist, your arms effortlessly sliding underneath his own to hug him close. He seems unsure what to do for a moment, until his embrace eventually tightens, clutching you close, burying his face in your neck. “It could only be you, too.” You whisper, breathing him in. Your eyes flutter closed, wrapping yourself in his scent, his touch.

“There could never be anyone else.”

“It’s almost time isn’t it?”

Merlwyb glances at you from the corner of her eye as the two of you make your way to the conference room in Cid’s home.

“That it is.” She responds, hands clasped behind her back, turning her gaze back down the hall. “While we are certainly pushing the envelope in dethroning His Radiance in a timely fashion, it is good that we are getting it done at all.”

Nodding, you find that you agree. Though you were definitely cutting it close, it’s good that something was being done to knock this bastard down several pegs.

As you enter the conference room, Lord Hien is already on screen speaking with Cid as they converse about whatever particulars of the plan to take on Varis and expose him for his crimes. Zenos is there as well, arms folded across his chest and looking everywhere but the other two men, and you would go as far to say he almost looked as if he was pouting.

You’d hoped he would seem a little more enthusiastic about the whole ordeal, but through every meeting he sat quietly and neutrally, as if he couldn’t even be bothered to even feel a little bit angry by the plans being made to take down his father. You knew both Cid and Merlwyb were upset by his unwillingness to be involved, only placated by the fact he was not against them either.

You had described the horror of the Resonant to them, the sheer power and speed he displayed. You knew without a doubt Varis had kept his own son as a trump card, knowing of his killing capabilities. You had effectively taken Zenos from his hand by your “relationship” making taking him down much easier in theory.

You shudder to imagine what would happen if you had to go in a toe to toe fight with a Resonant activated Zenos.

Best to not think on it now. Not when it's time to focus on more certain things: like how you’re going to break into Varis’ compound.

“Hello everyone. Sorry I’m late.” you greet with a small wave, even to Hien displayed on the large monitor.

“Nothing to be sorry for. We weren’t talking about anything important. Wanted to save that until you got here.” Cid beams, giving you a welcoming smile. You give him a warm one in return, only able to ignore Zenos’ insistent stare for a little while longer before you throw him a reproving look, which does nothing but cause him to smirk back. Rolling your eyes, you move to sit in the chair beside him, clearly annoyed, but to all in the room it might as well have been foreplay.

“Ahem, well,” Cid coughs, angling himself at the monitor Lord Hien is displayed on as Merlwyb takes her seat beside him. “Since you’ve been here for the majority of the meetings, there’s not much new to say, except going over a few finer points.” Cid begins. “Lord Hien?”

“Yes, yes.” The handsome man nods, eyes turning to you. “The entire operation hinders upon the success of bringing down Varis’ research facility. While we could simply get video or picture proof, we do not run to the risk of him trying to cover up his tracks. We know he has been smart enough to play several hands over the years; there is no reason to not think he has no back up plan should someone see something they aren’t supposed to.”

“Or worse, he launches the technology to have a direct attack on the public. As you have told us before, he has already begun to develop weapons using this technology. We can’t bear the risk of him holding any more civilian lives hostage. We must cut off the source, and then we can handle any other weapons after.” Lord Hien’s voice is clear and concise, serious and awe inspiring. A true leader, you think, unable to not feel a little dazzled by him.

“That said, the day of infiltration, I will go into hiding. Varis has been content to let me live this long, but I would not put it past him to have some way of keeping an eye on me. Though I am capable of disappearing, he will no doubt notice this, and also notice something is going wrong.” Hien continues, threading his fingers together as he levels you with a serious gaze.

“While I hate to pressure you any further Honey, especially given how much you have done for Kugane so far, still I must ask, are you unable to recall where to find the research facility?” He asks, and all eyes in the room are upon you.

Fidgeting, you stare hard at the fine wood grain upon the table, hands fisted in your lap. “No...I don’t.” You sigh, feeling defeated. “The one time I had gone, I was so confused at where he was taking me, I didn’t think to pay attention to my surroundings. Even leaving, I had been so shocked at what he showed me, what he had told me--” you shudder as suddenly you remember the feel of his grimy hands upon you, pulling upon your clothes, his twisted words at how he would have you…

Zenos places a hand over the palms over your lap, expression giving away nothing. Nodding, you take a calming breath. “I was too distracted to take notice. Did none of our research efforts bear any fruit?” you ask, looking from one set of eyes to the next, begging that one of them will say yes.

They look back at you just as defeated, no one willing to make eye contact with you for a heartbeat. Clearing his throat, Cid speaks up. “Alas, even my most advanced sensors couldn’t find anything out of the ordinary. I have no idea where it could be.”

The four of you twiddle your thumbs as you try to figure out what to do. Everything was ready to go. You could end this. Only you were too stupid at the time to remember something as simple as where the hell the secret laboratory was. You felt like you could smash a brick into your head.

Under the haze of your regret you can hear the others begin to talk again, perhaps discussing places they hadn’t thought to check, or avenues they hadn’t bothered to try. You tune it all out, unable to do anything aside from letting your own failure resonate inside you.

Resonate…

“Zenos.”

The room is quiet in an instant as you flip your hands over and clutch Zenos’ tightly, watching as his eyebrows reach for his hairline for a split second before they pinch together. “Zenos. I know we...I know we talked,” you offer vaguely, squeezing his hands that much tighter. “But please help us. We can put an end to this--”

“I told you I couldn’t.” He growls, his voice cutting so sharply, eyes so furious that you feel yourself recoil under his stare. But you knew this was bigger than you, and he had to know this too.

“Why won’t you help?” you plead, face breaking up as you watch a million emotions flit through his blue eyes. “Don’t you want to be free from your father?”

A shadow of something crosses his face, eyes unfocused as if lost in his own mind. He snatches his hand from yours as he comes back to himself, silent as he stands from his chair and stalks out the room. “Zenos!” you call, hurrying to your feet as he ignores you and flings the door open, uncaring that it slams into the wall. “Zenos!”

Following him, he’s once again halfway down the hall, deja vu urging you to catch up with him just as you had done that catalytic night at the hotel so many months ago. “Zenos, please,” you beg, trying to catch him before he rounds the upcoming corner. You don’t expect to be startled when he suddenly turns on his heel and snags you by your arms, nearly slamming you into the closest wall where he can loom over you menacingly.

You wish you didn’t feel so small before him during these times, especially now that you know how much he’s been hurting. “Zenos please, why won’t you help? Is it because of me?”

“Why would it ever be because of you?” He asks, his anger vanishing for a moment as he gives you an almost hopeless look. “I am saved by the very fact that you exist.”

“Then why?!” You whimper, trying to break out of his iron grip even as he grips your arms tighter. “Is it because the cause is too noble? Is it because you can’t go against your father?”

“Noble? What is noble about wanting to get revenge for your fallen friend? That still makes you a murderer, or have you forgotten?” he snickers darkly, ice blue eyes piercing directly into your heart. However you’ve known him too long. Long enough. Long enough to know that Zenos answers almost anything he is asked. That he doesn’t deflect, he doesn’t ignore you.

“Your father...what did he do to you that you can’t raise a hand against him?” You whisper, hating as you can see you’ve hit your mark when he goes stock still. His fingers are almost crushing in their strength, but you pay them no mind, needing to get to the heart of the matter. “Zenos, whatever it is, you don’t have to fear him--”

You cry out as he nearly throttles you into the wall, the sclera of his eyes almost bleeding black. “You know not of what you speak.” It is whispered so lowly, so vehemently, you can’t help but shiver in fear.

“But I want us to be happy.” You cry, tears leaking down your face, wanting to somehow get through to him. “I want you to be free from him Zenos, for us to be free. Forever--”

“Nothing is forever!” He nearly roars, but instead of maintaining the ferocity he had kept until this point, he couldn’t sound more shaken. “I cannot raise a hand against him. I cannot...I can’t. Not against my father.” he murmurs softly, though his grip has not decreased one bit.

Thinking quickly, you try to reason with him. “But I can.” you urge, praying that he will listen.

He barks out a hoarse laugh at that, fixing you with a derisive sneer. “Then what? Shall we both rot away in solitary confinement for our crimes?”

Whimpering, you wish he would just let go of you so you could hold him. “Chief Raubahn said I had immunity while on my mission,”

“Good for you.” He laughs again, leaning into your space. “And what of me? Do you think they’d be willing to overlook all the men I’ve killed? The things I’ve stolen and cheated for? Will your chief be willing to turn a blind eye to the monster I am?” he laughs maniacally, eyes flashing red for a brief moment before his expression becomes unfeeling. “I would sooner die than rot in prison, unable to fight.”

“Zenos,”

Dropping you, he doesn’t bother to grab you as you crumple to the floor, turning his back on you. “You are all fools to think you can even touch him.” Even at his scathing tone, you can see the haunted shadow that falls across his face, wondering just how much shit did that asshole put him through? What fucked up mind games did Varis play to have his own son that could snap him in half be too afraid to stand against him?

“I do this for you,” you cry, suddenly feeling exhausted, gazing up at him desperately. “I’ll fight ‘til my dying breath that they don’t lock you away. I refuse for us to not be together.” Tears begin to genuinely leak down your eyes now, even as you hear Merlwyb call your name as she rushes down the hall, surely ready to tear Zenos a new one. “Please...help us.” you beg, watching as he wars with himself, hating that he had gone through too much trauma to cause this hesitation. This fear.

“Honey!” Merlwyb calls as she crouches beside you, checking you over. Glaring angrily up at Zenos once she deems you unharmed, she stands back to her full height, nearly eye to eye with him. “You better have a good explanation, Garlean.”

Unamused and not intimidated in the least, Zenos scoffs, turning his back on the two of you. “Of course I do, savage.” He sighs, eyes still covered in shadow. “The facility is on the outskirts of the city, to the west. You cannot find it because my father has made it imperceptible to nearly all manner of tracking technology.” You watch as his shoulders sink, as if a heavy sin has suddenly put all its weight upon him.

“If you wish to find it, it is hidden under the guise of being a warehouse for father’s technologies, which is why the government has never investigated it. The true work is done nearly malms underground. If you truly wish to end my father as you so claim...reach the bottom of the facility. If you have someone smart enough to activate the shut down sequence, you can end his entire operation.” He pauses and reaches inside his shirt through his collar, pulling a chain with a key attached from underneath. “This will let you pass through any door.” He explains, dropping it to the floor.

He gives one final glance at you before walking away. You sit there broken, wondering how he could possibly turn his back on you. After getting on your knees to beg him to join you, to save the both of you from this nightmare. Even though you see a glimmer of regret in his fierce, blue eyes, it doesn’t stop him from walking down the hallway, into the darkness.

“Good luck.”

#ff14 #FFXIV #Final Fantasy XIV #zenos #zenos yae galvus #THP

[theplaid-wearingmoose]

Found You Again~Sirius Black x Reader~

This is literally a self indulgence for me. I’ve been rereading the Harry Potter series and Sirius is my favorite character so this is my contribution to the Sirius Black tag.

Part 2 is here

Thunder rumbled loudly outside of Sirius’ hideout. The dark cave he was trying very hard to get some sleep in was occasionally illuminated by lightning flashes. Sirius had transformed into his dog form and curled up into a ball near the back of the cave. Being a great big dog saved him the trouble of having to find blankets, as his thick fur kept him warm. His escape partner, Buckbeak was sleeping beside him, unbothered by the storm outside their temporary home.

Sirius had finally gotten somewhat comfortable enough to fall asleep when he heard the sound of approaching footsteps crunching on the leaves outside. He lifted his head quickly and looked over at Buckbeak. The hippogriff had heard the noise too but did not move besides lifting his head from his enormous front legs. Sirius stood as he saw a dark figure approaching the cave entrance. He let out a low growl. Normally, would-be intruders turn and quickly leave in fear of being ripped apart by a wild animal, but the dark figure did not turn away. Sirius growled louder, warning the figure of their impending injuries if they continued. Then the figure spoke.

“Relax, Sirius. It is only me.”

Sirius immediately stopped growling and sat back on his hind legs. He recognized that voice. He watched as Albus Dumbledore entered the cave, surprisingly dry and smiling warmly at him. Dumbledore turned to the hippogriff who was watching him carefully. “Hello again, Buckbeak.” Dumbledore said, bowing low to the creature. Buckbeak bowed his head back to Dumbledore and, sensing that neither he nor Sirius were in any danger, lowered his head and went back to sleep. Dumbledore chuckled to himself and turned back to Sirius who had now transformed back into a man.

“Good evening, Sirius. I apologize for having disturbed your sleep.”

Sirius shook his head and rubbed his arms, now feeling the cold without his fur to warm him. “Not at all, Professor. I’d offer you a place to sit but…” Sirius gestured to cave around them, showing a lack of chairs. Dumbledore grinned. “That’s very kind of you, Sirius, thank you.” Dumbledore pulled his wand from his robes and conjured two squishy beanbag chairs. He nodded to Sirius, inviting him to sit as he settled into his own beanbag. Sirius couldn’t hold back the sigh of content as he sank into the soft chair. He couldn’t even remember the last time he rested on something that wasn’t hard ground.

“I assume you must be quite hungry, Sirius. Although I have noticed Harry has been visiting the kitchens quite often lately.” Dumbledore flicked his wand and a plate of sandwiches and a flagon of pumpkin juice appeared appeared in front of Sirius. Unable to contain himself, Sirius lunged forward and grabbed at the sandwiches. He tossed about half the plate to Buckbeak so he could eat too and tore into the remaining sandwiches in front of him. He nearly cried when the plate refilled itself with more sandwiches. “Harry…sends me food..mmm when he can. It really helps.” Sirius said, his mouth full. Dumbledore smiled. “I am sure the house elves have no trouble preparing extra food. They quite enjoy it. Please, continue Sirius. I don’t mind if you eat while we talk.”

Sirius had paused as a courtesy to Dumbledore, but at his words, dove right back into the sandwiches. “Is something wrong with Harry? He writes to me but if there’s something he hasn’t told me..” Sirius asked, worriedly. The only reason he stayed this close to Hogwarts this long was because he felt concerned about Harry’s scar hurting. He wondered if Harry had discussed his scar pain with Dumbledore already. Dumbledore shook his head and held his hand up to stop Sirius. “Harry is not the reason for my visit, Sirius. I am here with a possible solution to your current situation. I wonder if you recall a certain young lady? Y/N Y/L/N?”

Sirius stopped chewing. He felt his stomach do a flip and his heart sped up just a bit at the name. Y/N? Why is he asking me about her? Sirius thought to himself. He finished chewing slowly and swallowed hard before answering Dumbledore. “Yes…I remember Y/N.”

Y/N had been Lily’s best friend. Maid of Honor at her and James’ wedding. The love of Sirius’ life. They had moved in together as soon as they left Hogwarts. Sirius had been something of a ladies man in school. Until he met Y/N. The other Marauders had laughed at how quickly Sirius had fallen for her and how romantic and gentle he became because of her. It was like something had changed in him overnight. Sirius and Y/N had been together even longer than James and Lily had. He was going to marry her. He’d promised her he would. He’d promised her that he’d always be there to protect her and take care of her. Though Y/N always knew how to handle herself. He remembered fondly.

But surely Y/N thought he was guilty. Everyone else had. Even Remus, even Harry. He remembered the last time he saw her. It was the night he’d been arrested. He had just gone to check on Peter to make sure he was still safe. He’d found him missing and hurried to the Potter’s. When he found James and Lily’s bodies, Sirius was filled with rage, for he knew Peter had betrayed them. He told Y/N what had happened, told her that he begged Hagrid to let him take Harry where they could raise him. He told her that he was going to kill Peter. She’d begged him not to. She pleaded with him to stay and they’d figure something out together with Dumbledore. But he was too angry, too set on revenge. Sirius remembered kissing her goodbye, telling her to stay put and stay safe, that he’d be back for her. He remembered the terrified look on her face. Then he was hauled off to Azkaban and never saw her again.

Dumbledore’s voice brought him out of his memories and Sirius realized he’d begun to cry. He quickly wiped his eyes and shook his head, as if he was trying to shake the memories away. “She has been writing to me for months, since the news of your escape. Wants to know if I know where you are and how you’re doing. She seems quite concerned about you, Sirius.” Sirius was taken aback by that. “You…you mean…does she think I did it? Does she think I betrayed…” He let his voice trail off as tears threatened to fall from his eyes again. He couldn’t bear the thought of Y/N hating him, thinking that he’d betrayed their friends and killed Peter.

“Of course not, Sirius. I would daresay she knows you better than anyone and did not believe it for a second.” Sirius felt relief wash over him. Y/N…his Y/N knew he was innocent. Sirius felt the happiest he’d been since seeing Harry. “Why are you telling me this?” He asked. Dumbledore smiled again. “I have informed Y/N of all that has happened since Harry and Ms. Granger helped you escape Hogwarts. Face to face of course, we could not risk my letter being intercepted. She wishes to see you, Sirius.” Sirius felt like his heart fell to his stomach. Y/N wanted to see him? After all these years she still wanted to see him? Seeing that Sirius was unable to speak, Dumbledore continued. “She has provided me an address. I believe you already know where it is. I believe she expects to see you any day now.” He handed Sirius a slip of parchment. Sirius looked down at it, instantly recognizing Y/N’s near perfect handwriting. His heart sped as he read the address. Our old place…she never left it. “I do not think Y/N could bring herself to leave.” Dumbledore said, as if he had heard what Sirius was thinking. Sirius looked up at Dumbledore, smiling widely. “Thank you so much.” He breathed. Sirius couldn’t contain himself and threw himself on Dumbledore, hugging him tightly. Dumbledore chuckled and returned the hug.

Sirius remembered his filthy condition and quickly let go of the headmaster. “Sorry..” He apologized sheepishly. Dumbledore waved his apology away, smiling kindly. “I imagine you will want to get going straight away. Remember to keep out of sight. Y/N will write to me when you have reached her.” Sirius nodded quickly. “What about Buckbeak?” He asked. He longed to see Y/N again more than anything but he had grown attached to the hippogriff and couldn’t bear to leave him behind. “Hagrid has enthusiastically expressed his wish to take Buckbeak back. He doesn’t know that he escaped with you but believes we’d found him somewhere near Paris and decided to return him. But we’ve decided that for his safety, he has now been christened Witherwings.” Dumbledore added, with another bow to Buckbeak. The hippogriff didn’t seem to mind the name change and merely blinked at Dumbledore once before nodding his head to him again.

Sirius thanked Dumbledore once more and said his goodbyes to Buckbeak. “Behave yourself, mate. Don’t get into anymore trouble.” He said, rubbing Buckbeak’s head. Buckbeak tilted his head slightly and blinked at Sirius a couple times, before nudging him gently with his large head. Sirius smiled and patted the hippogriff on his neck. He turned back to Dumbledore. “One more thing…does Harry know? About Y/N?” Dumbledore sighed and looked away from Sirius for a moment. “I’m afraid he does not. I did not wish to overwhelm him and there was not much of way to explain who she was without mentioning who you were. This was of course when you were still in Azkaban, Sirius. If you wish to tell Harry now of his godmother, I see no harm in doing so.”

Sirius nodded once, thanked Dumbledore again and transformed into a great black dog. Dumbledore waved to him as he made his way over to the entrance to the cave. “Take care, Sirius.” Sirius barked softly back and bounded off into the forest.

It would take him almost a week to reach Y/N. They hadn’t lived far from Diagon Alley as Y/N had gotten a small job in Madame Malkins after they left Hogwarts. Sirius had tried to tell her that she didn’t need to work as he had inherited a great deal of money from his uncle, but she was stubborn and liked to have something to keep her busy. Sirius remembered how he would respond with something usually along the lines of “that’s what I’m here for, love.” and Y/N would giggle adorably and playfully push him away. Even in dog form for the majority of his trek to London, it took him about 6 days to reach their old village. Sirius padded down the sidewalk, his memories flooding back to him. He remembered walking down this sidewalk as if it were only yesterday.

It was midday when he arrived at the base of the small hill. He looked around at his old neighborhood and noticed some flowers blooming in a nearby garden. He snatched some up in his mouth and proceeded to walk back up towards the hill. He was exhausted but seeing his old home, knowing his love was waiting for him there gave him the push he need to run up towards the house. It looked very much the same on the outside. The paint hadn’t chipped and the grass was trimmed neatly. He could smell something delicious coming from the kitchen window that was open. Y/N loved to bake and always kept the window open. Their neighbors often commented that they could smell Y/N delicious baking from the end of the street. Sirius paused on the front porch, nerves flooding through him. He rested a large paw on the door and scratched at it gently, hoping Y/N would hear him. He waited a minute or two with no response. He rose up on his hind legs, flowers still in his mouth and smacked his paw against the doorbell. “Be right there!” He heard from inside the house. His heart sped up again at the sound of her voice. So beautiful and melodic. As footsteps neared, Sirius looked around, wondering if anyone had spotted him. The door opened and Y/N came into view. She looked over him confused for a minute when a person didn’t greet her. Then she looked down and quickly covered her mouth in shock.

“Sirius!” she gasped. Sirius dropped the flowers at her feet and gave her the best puppy eyes he could muster. Y/N collapsed in front of him, tears quickly flooding down her face. She threw her arms around him, hugging her to him tightly. She sobbed into his fur for a minute before realizing. She stood up quickly. “Hurry! Get inside!” Sirius snatched the flowers from the porch and trotted inside, happily. Y/N quickly closed the door behind her and turned. Sirius turned back into himself, causing Y/N to dissolve into tears once again. Sirius rushed to her and took her in his arms. He inhaled her scent as he held her, like he was scared she’d be ripped away from him again. He felt himself begin to cry as well and soon, they were both sobbing in each other’s arms.

Sirius kept his arms around Y/N as they stopped crying. He gave her a gentle smile and lifted his hand to her face, gently wiping the tears from her cheeks before bending his head down to kiss her softly. The two of them sighed into the kiss, having missed the feel of each other’s lips for years. Sirius held her face in his hands, feeling her soft skin beneath his rough touch. Y/N ended the kiss much too soon for Sirius’ liking, but she kept her arms around his neck, keeping her close to him. “I’ve missed you.” She murmured. Sirius pressed his forehead to hers and nuzzled her nose with his. “I missed you too, love.” Sirius kissed her again, He felt as if he stopped kissing her and let go of her, she would disappear from his arms. She let out a quiet laugh and she pulled back from him slightly so she could properly look at him. “What’s wrong?” He asked. “No offense, my darling, but you smell like wet dog.”

Sirius threw his head back and let out a bark-like laugh. “Well I did run here.” Y/N laughed and pointed to the stairs. “You can shower if you like. I um, kept the closet exactly the same. Your clothes are still there and everything.” Sirius grinned and kissed her once more. He made his way up the stairs, getting slightly overwhelmed as he recalled where everything was. He found his way to the bathroom and felt he could cry again as he turned on the shower. Finally able to remove his Azkaban clothing, Sirius stepped under the running water, groaning happily as the warm water cascaded down his body. He felt he could stay in this shower for hours, scrubbing 12 years of Azkaban and months of living on the run from his skin. He manged to rid his hair of the tangles and scrubbed til his skin was pink. When he left the shower, he felt more clean than he had in years. He left the bathroom and could hear Y/N humming to herself downstairs. She would always do that when she was happy. He recalled. She was evidently baking more things because the smell was stronger than when he had arrived. He wrapped a towel around himself to dry off and made his way to their bedroom. Y/N hadn’t been lying. She had left everything exactly as he remembered it. His clothes were hanging neatly and fresh, like she washed them even without him having worn them. He was happy to be in his own clothes again.

He paused to look around their bedroom, happily reminiscing. He made his way back down the stairs and stood in the doorway, watching as Y/N moved about the kitchen. She hadn’t heard him come down the stairs. He often moved silently and used that as an opportunity to sneak up behind her and scare her. She stopped moving as she pulled cookies out of the oven. Judging by the smell, she had made his favorite, snickerdoodles. “Delicious.” Sirius walked over quietly and wrapped his arms around her. She jumped, slightly startled. “Sirius! Merlin’s beard, don’t do that!” She exclaimed. Sirius laughed again and kissed her cheek gently. “I couldn’t resist, love.” Y/N sighed and turned to him. She inhaled sharply as she took in the sight of him. Now that he was clean, his face looked much less gaunt and his handsome features began to come through once again. She stroked his face gently and smiled warmly at him. “I have something for you.” She said. She took his hand and led him back to the living room. She sat him down on the couch and pointed her wand at the wall behind him. “Revelio.” She muttered. The paint on the wall began to peel away as though it was quickly disintegrating. A small safe appeared and Y/N opened it quickly. She pulled a long box out of the safe and handed it to Sirius. “Dumbledore managed to get this for me. I’ve kept it safe this whole time. I think I knew somehow you’d be able to be free.”

Sirius’ eyes widened as he opened the box and found his wand inside. “My wand…” He ran his fingers over the runes that were carved into the base. The wand felt warm under his touch. He pulled it from the box and felt a dull vibration all through his arm. He grinned and pulled Y/N into another kiss. “You are absolutely the best, love.” Sirius murmured against her lips.

Sirius and Y/N spent hours catching up. Sirius told Y/N how everything went down from his escape from Azkaban to now. Y/N told Sirius about all the things he’d missed and informed him that Remus would be by in a few days and couldn’t wait to see him. “Dumbledore must’ve told him because he sent an owl about two days ago asking if you’d arrived yet.”

“How is Moony, by the way? I heard he resigned the day after Harry had saved me.” Y/N made a disgusted noise and rolled her eyes. “Would you believe it, that greasy slimeball Snape is the one who outed him? Told all the Slytherins about Moony being a werewolf, just because he was pissed off that the dementors hadn’t gotten you.” Sirius growled lowly. “Git...” He sighed and looked away, knowing Remus had loved that job and it was so difficult for him finding work at all, given his condition. “Moony comes by once in while. Stays for a couple weeks. He always takes off before his cycle starts though. Insists he can’t be around me when it starts. He always looks so worn out though, Sirius...” Y/N answered, sadly. Not wanting to make Sirius upset, she tried to change the subject.

“Oh but Moony’s told me so much about Harry. Oh Sirius, he says he looks just like James!” Y/N exclaimed, tearing up. “Except his eyes are definitely Lily’s.” Sirius replied, tears forming in his eyes as well. “I’d love to meet him. Properly since I assume he doesn’t remember me. Dumbledore....hasn’t told him about me I suppose?” Sirius shook his head, sadly. “He figured Harry would be too overwhelmed, especially finding out that I’m his godfather. He apparently found out when he still thought I was guilty.” Seeing Y/N’s sad expression he quickly added “But Dumbledore says if I want to tell Harry about you, I can. There’s no reason he can’t know he has a godmother as well.” Y/N’s face lit up and Sirius leapt up to start his letter to Harry.

After he had finished it and sent it with Y/N’s owl, he sat back down and took her hands in his. “You think Harry could come live here with us? Instead of with that dreadful aunt and uncle of his.” Y/N asked. Sirius squeezed her hands gently. “I offered that to him as we were bringing Peter to the castle. He seemed incredibly eager. I doubt his mind has changed since.” Sirius replied, excitedly. Y/N let out a squeal of delight and threw her arms around Sirius. “Oh this will be so wonderful!” She jumped up and began running about, straightening things as though Harry was arriving any minute. She began planning things rapidly, making changes, and thinking of all the things they would need to make sure Harry was happy. Sirius could only watch her and smile fondly. She always looked so cute when she got like this. She saw him watching her and paused, blushing slightly at the look on his face.

“What?” She asked breathlessly. Sirius chuckled. “Last time i saw you act like this was the day of James and Lily’s wedding.” Y/N grinned and brushed her hair out of her face. “Well I was busy then too. A certain clumsy Best Man had forgotten his socks and his tie somehow so I was quite busy worrying about that and dealing with a nervous bride.” She retorted. Sirius gasped in fake hurt and stood quickly, folding his arms across his chest. “How could you? I still looked quite dashing that day if I recall correctly.” “Yes, my love, but you also had no socks. So you did also look a bit funny.” Sirius gasped again then grinned wickedly at her. “Well now that’s just mean, love. You’re going to pay for that one.” He growled before lunging for her. Y/N screamed with laughter and took off, narrowly evading Sirius’ arms. She charged up the stairs, Sirius following quickly behind her. He managed to catch her in the bedroom, the two of them collapsing on the bed, giggling like children.

Sirius was on top of her, his long hair tickling her cheeks as he gazed down at her. They were both panting from their quick game and Sirius couldn’t stop his eyes from drifting down to glance at her chest that was steadily rising and falling. He stroked her cheek gently, love filling him as he gazed into her eyes. His hands slid down her sides slowly. Sirius felt pleased with himself as he felt goosebumps on her arms. He was satisfied to know his touch still affected her like this. She reached a hand up to stroke his face. Her skin was soft against his and Sirius closed his eyes, he enjoyed having her touch him again. She pulled him down and pressed her lips to his. He wrapped his arms around her and held her to him and he rolled over on to his back so that she was now on top of him. She swung one leg over his waist so that she was now straddling him. Sirius felt like he was a teenager at Hogwarts again and they had just ditched class to snog in a broom closet. His hands roamed over her body, making her moan softly against his lips. He buried a hand in her hair and tilted her head to the side so he could kiss her neck. He’d memorized her body and still remembered where every single one of her sensitive spots was.

Y/N began to rock her hips against his, feeling him get hard beneath her. She broke the kiss to pull her shirt over her head. Sirius swallowed hard, his eyes widening. “You...are so beautiful, love.” He whispered. He didn’t think he’d ever get to see Y/N like this again and he wanted to savor it. Y/N blushed again as she continued to undress. “You’re way too dressed, my darling.” She purred. Sirius nodded in agreement, too transfixed on the now naked woman in front of him to say anything. He stared at her as he slowly removed his clothes. He pulled her to him again, her skin felt hot against his. Their lips met and it was as if something had snapped in both of them. Twelve years of restrained feelings of longing and need poured out of them.

The night was long and filled with hot, burning passion. Love exploded between them. Sirius felt so hot he thought he would catch fire any second. Y/N’s cries of pleasure combined with his own arousal quickly overwhelmed him. Their hands were everywhere. Sirius felt as though he couldn’t touch her enough. Y/N’s hands were all over him, burning deliciously wherever they touched. They tangled in his hair as his hands tangled in hers. She was chanting his name like it was the only word she knew. It had been far too long for both of them and Y/N was coming undone around him fast. They had immediately fallen into a rhythm but it was now faltering. Y/N was clinging to him desperately as she came but Sirius couldn’t make himself slow down for all the galleons in Gringotts. He felt himself nearing his release as he thrust his hips forward. He threw his head back and moaned loudly as his orgasm pulsed through him.

He collapsed against her, sweat dripping off their bodies. The two of them held each other, breathing heavily. Sirius rolled over to face her and stroked her cheek again. Her eyes were closed and she hummed happily at his touch. “I love you.” He whispered. “I love you too, Padfoot.” Y/N murmured back. He kissed her forehead and pulled her as close to him as possible. As his eyes began to get heavier, he felt more relaxed and at peace than he had in years.

Sirius Black was finally home again and he had the love of his life by his side once more.

#sirius black #sirius black x reader #marauders imagine #sirius black imagine #sirius black one shot #Harry Potter #jily #harry potter imagine

[shadow-assassin-blix]

Be Still, My Heart

Part 3

A/n: Last official part. Will do  headcanons/blurbs for them but for now this story is done.

Everything: @mikeisthricedeceased

Pedro: @m-123 @fioccodineveautunnale @artsymaddie @blo0dangel @mcrmarvelloki​

The morning started normally; she was reviewing some files when she first got into the office. She smiled softly when Marcus arrived and sat down across from her at his desk.

The team slowly filed in, and by noon they were transferring files to the team that was taking over for them. They had barely started the process when the head supervisor, Martinez, came in and asked to speak to her.

Steel stood up and followed him to his office. The meeting lasted an hour when Steel was finally sent back out. Marcus noted her face looked blank, but her eyes were rimmed red. She quietly began to pack her desk up.

“…What is going on?” He asked her, coming to stand near her.

“… Short version: I’m fired. Or “asked to take early retirement at half benefits,”” She muttered shortly, tossing things into an empty file box without care.

She refused to look up at him as she did this and quickly grabbed the box and her things before striding to the elevator to leave.

Marcus stared at where she stood in confusion, moving to Martinez’s office to get answers.

“Why did you fire Steel?” He asked as he burst into the office.

He noticed vaguely that the head of the gang unit was also in there.

“Agent Y/L/N was ordered to not go near Felix Hernandez. Her attachment to him causes a great deal of issues. He was arrested 20 minutes ago, asking for her. Her continued involvement within the agency could destroy the RICO case that we have been working on for years. This was the best route,” Martinez informed him with a sigh.

Marcus took a heavy breath, running his hand over his face.

“Why was he asking for her?” Marcus questioned looking at both of them.

“Hernandez apparently named her the emergency guardian for Valentina. Steel was given two options: relinquish guardianship and keep her job or keep it and leave the agency. She chose the latter,” Agent Lowell from the Gang Unit filled in.

“You gave her the option… to abandon a child to the foster system just to keep her job? Did you really think she would do that?” Marcus asked astounded.

He turned and left at that point. He marched to the elevator, determined to catch up to Steel. He found her at her home, sitting outside on her steps. Her arms were wrapped her knees and chin rested atop them.

He took a seat next to her, “Martinez and Lowell told me what happened. What do you need me to do?”

“Tomorrow I go in to see Felix and confirm everything. By the end of the week, Valentina will be with me. I… I know you didn’t sign up for this… I… I don’t know what to do beyond this,” She whispered, sniffling as tears welled up in her eyes.

“Well. I still want to be with you… If… I know this is fast but… my place in DC has 3 bedrooms… You and Valentina can stay with me… if you’d like,” Marcus offered.

“According to the child protective services, we have to stay here for at least 6 months. I don’t want you to stay here and put your career on hold for me. We can… skype and call/text. I just… I still want to be with you as well, I just don’t want you to stop living just for us,” She said to him after a moment.

“Okay. 6 months. I can deal with that. 6 months and the 2 of you come live with me,” Marcus replied with a nod.

She gave a watery smile, hoping that the distance and time wouldn’t put a strain on their relationship.

“So… shall we unpack…everything? Or would you like to keep some of it packed still?” Marcus asked sighing heavily as he realized their work over the weekend was for naught.

“I’d rather not unpack everything. Just the necessary items should be enough. I’m sorry. I… I didn’t think this would happen,” She murmured, staring up at the sky.

“I know. Let’s go get you situated, and tonight I’ll make you dinner. Do… do you want me to take you to the prison tomorrow to see Felix?” He hesitantly inquired as he stood back up.

“Yeah… I’d like that. Honestly, I don’t know how I am going to react tomorrow. He… he dropped a bomb in my lap,” She said swallowing harshly, her mouth dry, as she stood up as well.

“I’ll be there every step of the way, no matter what,” He assured her, kissing her firmly.

She kissed him back, feeling the tension in her body leave her. There was something about Marcus that just instantly relaxed her.

The two of them unpacked a handful of boxes that afternoon. After that Marcus made her pancakes and eggs. She laughed as she watched him try to flip them and be fancy. He made her forget about her worries for the time.

He stayed with her that night; nothing happened, but she wished it did. The two of them shared her bed; Steel didn’t want to be alone and enjoyed cuddling with him.

The next day came around far sooner than she wanted, and she dreaded the trip to the prison. Each step she took toward the visiting room made her feel like she was walking to her doom. She took a seat at the table she was directed to by one of the guards.

It didn’t take long for Felix appear, nor for his scummy lawyer to materialize out of nowhere. His lawyer presented her with some documents and a pen.

Felix stared at her for a long time, not speaking.

“Felix. Let’s just get this over with please,” Steel quietly pleaded.

He blinked, clearing his throat, “Yeah. I named you Valentina’s guardian. Your… your old boss has quite the case against me. I’m… I’m take a plea bargain. But… it still means time in the clink… like… 15 years’ worth at least. Valentina’s only 14. She… she needs someone. I don’t want to go away for that time and let her wind up in the foster system. She… listens to you. Loves you.”

“I love her too. I am willing to take her but… you cost me my job. Twice if we are going to be honest. I won’t deny her if you want to keep in touch but… I don’t want to ever see you again. I can’t…” She struggled to speak.

“I understand. If I may say so… I did… I did love you. Even after…everything. I’m sorry for the trouble I’ve caused you,” He said looking her in the eye.

She nodded her head once, turning her attention to the lawyer. He proceeded to explain that Valentina was to stay in one stable home for at least 6 months until the trial is over before Steel would be allowed to move or relocate. There were other terms and conditions that Steel understood and signed on the dotted line once it was all said and done.

“It will take about 2 business days for these to process. You can pick up Valentina from her group home by the end of the week,” He informed her once everyone signed and he walked away.

“Take care of my baby sister. Um. What he didn’t mention was that there is an account setup for her. All legit money for her to use. She has a limit on what she can spend monthly but once she turns 18 that limit disappears,” He mentioned, as he used the abandoned pen and scrap paper to write the info down.

She took the paper from him, nodding in understanding.

“I’ll take care of her, I promise. Do her a favor… don’t get yourself killed in here. She’s already lost a great deal of family… Don’t let her lose the only person she admires the most,” Steel requested as she walked away from him.

She took a deep breath of relief as she finally stepped outside of the prison and over to Marcus; she had asked for him to wait outside for her.

He drove her not to her home, but to his. The two of them spoke quietly, watching movies for the rest of the day.

At some point, Marcus figured out she was ticklish and was ruthless. She tried to squirm away from him, but he had her securely pinned to the couch. When he finally stopped, and she was able to catch her breath, her eyes locked with his.

She had one thought running through her mind and she slowly reached up to kiss him passionately. Her arms wrapped around his neck and his hands cupped her face. As they kissed, she experimentally rolled her hips against his. He lowly moaned into her mouth as the kiss intensified and their hands began to wander and explore.

He pulled away for them to catch their breath.

He stared at her and quietly asked, “Do… do you want… I mean… shall we move this somewhere more comfortable?”

Steel nodded and the two of them made their way into his room to finish what they had started.

In the early hours of the morning, Marcus woke to his phone buzzing quietly. He blindly reached for it as he blinked awake. He looked at his phone to see he had missed a call from Teresa. He stared at his phone confused, wondering why the hell she was contacting him.

He ignored his phone, not wanting to deal with her. He turned his attention to Steel who was passed out on his chest. He smiled down at her, kissing the top of her head as he settled back down into her arms. He fell asleep hoping that the time apart wouldn’t break them. He wasn’t sure if he could deal with another heartbreak.

Over the next few weeks, Marcus and Steel spent time together while also adjusting to the new addition in their life: Valentina.

At first Valentina wasn’t… thrilled to say the least… at meeting Marcus and finding out what he meant to Steel. Valentina always believed that Steel and her brother would get back together. Valentina was at times cold or standoffish when interacting with Marcus.

However, that changed when the two of them bonded over art. Marcus was a bit of an artist himself, despite his denials that he was any good. The two of them spent hours talking about their favorite artists and painting together.

By the time Marcus was set to leave DC, Valentina was just as sad as Steel to see him leave.

He assured the both of them that 6 months will pass by faster than they’ll realize.

“I’ll call, skype, text, everyday if need be,” Marcus promised them as the two of them hugged him goodbye.

“You better,” Valentina warned him shaking her finger at him.

Marcus and Steel shared one last kiss before he left.

6 Months Later

Marcus was working undercover in DC and was on his way home from his day of work. He was trying to stifle multiple yawns as he pulled up to his house, smiling when he heard his phone ringing. He parked as he answered the video call.

“Hello, my beautiful ladies. How are we today?” He asked them as he stepped out of his car.

“We’re doing great… in fact… you should turn around handsome,” Steel’s voice teased.

He did so, spotting a car pulling up to the curb. Any exhaustion he felt immediately left him as he spotted Steel and Valentina sitting in the car that was packed with stuff.

Valentina raced out to tackle him in a hug. He grunted softly as he wrapped his arms around her, returning the embrace.

“My goodness, you’ve gotten taller, my mini-Rosa Bonheur,” Marcus said with a smile, referring to one of her favorite artists.

“Hi, we wanted to surprise you! Are you surprised?” She asked excitedly.

“Very,” He said turning his attention to Steel as she walked up to join them.

“Hey handsome,” She greeted him as she held her arms out for a hug as well.

Marcus thought about hugging her but instead hooked his fingers into her belt, jerking her forward to pull her in for a kiss.

She smiled as they kissed, having missed kissing him. She also found she really enjoyed the feel of his scruffy beard. Her hand reached up to touch it, gently scratching at the feel of it. When she broke it, she giggled softly at the tickling situation she felt.

“Hm. Could get used to this. Shall we get inside my love?” She asked motioning toward the front door.

He nodded with a grin, leading the both of them inside. He showed Valentina where her room was; he had kept the room somewhat bare simply so that way she can decorate however she wants. Valentina was excited at the prospect of decorating it how she wants but was also tired. She curled up in the bed and passed out almost immediately.

Marcus and Steel chuckled softly at that, before leaving her to sleep. Marcus led Steel to the master bedroom, presenting the empty drawers and the empty half of the walk-in closet that he had set aside for her.

“I’ve missed you,” He whispered after a moment.

Steel looked at him, noticing he looked at her with an indescribable look.

She stood in front of him, looping her arms around his neck.

“I missed you too honey. These last 6 months have been… rough. Video calls and texts were simply not enough. I hope you are ready to take me out on many real dates and spend lots of time… acting out all of those whispered promises and salacious thoughts we’ve shared,” She flirted with him, pressing a quick kiss to his lips.

“Very ready. I’ve hated this time apart. Honestly… I was worried… that.. that we wouldn’t…” He couldn’t bring himself to say it.

“I know. Not going to lie, I had the same fears at first. However, I realized one thing in our time apart,” She said mysteriously.

“Oh? What’s that?” He questioned curiously.

“I love you,” She revealed gazing into his eyes.

His breath caught slightly at that; he was overwhelmed with emotions as the words danced around in his ears.

He picked her up suddenly, carrying her to the bed. As he placed her on it, and moved to hover over her, he kissed her several times. After about 10 kisses he said the words back, loving the smile that shined on her face.

The both of them were too tired to do anything more, but they spent some time kissing and enjoying one another’s company.

The next day, between the movers arriving and unpacking her car, it was a long and exhausting day. It took another week for everything to be fully unpacked.

The three of them spent their free time simply enjoying one another’s company while watching movies or enjoying dinners out. It was summertime which meant no school for Valentina so Marcus spent a great deal taking them to every museum or park he could think of.

Before they knew it a year had passed, his undercover work was done. To celebrate they were going to do something he never thought he would do: get a tattoo.

He wanted something small and simple; he chose a bullseye with two circles on his wrist.

“Circles to represent the most important people in my life,” He explained as the artist prepped his skin for the tattoo.

She smiled somewhat shyly at that, as she took hold of his free hand for him to squeeze through the pain. The tattoo took about 30 minutes and Marcus definitely crushed her hand a few times, but it was worth it.

As they drove home that night, Marcus was oddly chipper as they reached their house. Valentina had become friends with the girl next door and was sleeping over with her that night, so they had the house to themselves.

Steel had wandered into the kitchen to start making dinner when Marcus stopped her.

“I’m not… I’m not very good at this. I have a pretty bad history when it comes to this but here we go,” He began as he turned her to face him. “I am so deeply in love with you. You have made my life complete. You are always so attentive to me and checking to make sure I am okay. Something… I am not used to, I will admit. I have been divorced and had the world’s shortest engagement. I haven’t been with anyone who… who loves me unconditionally. You are my sunshine. The light of my life.”

He gradually got down on one knee and simply asked, “Will you marry me?”

He presented a simple ring with a glittering sapphire as the centerpiece with smaller diamonds circling it.

She tried to bite back the grin that threatened to appear, as tears formed in her eyes. She found she couldn’t speak and nodded her head enthusiastically, holding her left hand out.

Marcus slipped the ring onto her finger, standing up to kiss her passionately.

They had found each other out of happenstance and neither of them ever thought they would reach this point. Their hearts had been broken too many times before and love appeared to be a distant dream. They knew in that moment they had found the person they were meant to be with.

Bonus Scene:

Marcus who was up before Steel the next morning was drinking coffee and making pancakes when he heard the front door open, and a set of feet rush inside.

He turned to see Valentina racing into the kitchen.

“Did she say yes!?” She asked excitedly as she ran up to him.

Marcus nodded his head laughing at the cheer she gave.

“So, the tattoo idea worked? The whole “you complete me” thing?” She questioned further.

The two of them had come up with this idea a month ago.

Marcus said, “Yes. It did. She loved it. And I now have a tattoo that I can add on to if we decided to ever give you siblings or even pets.”

She paused in her happy dance at that last line.

“Siblings? Like… I mean… are you… are you saying you see me as your kid?” She hesitantly asked.

“Thought that was obvious little one. If you would like… and we’ll talk it out with Steel but… would you be okay if we adopted you? Steel has guardianship of you, yes, but this would make it more official, if you wanted,” Marcus suggested as he finished up the pancakes.

Valentina stared at him with wide eyes, blinking owlishly. After a moment she threw her arms around him, hugging him tightly.

He heard her lightly mumble that she’d like that, as he noticed Steel quietly step into the room, a smile on her face.

“Guess we should get on that then huh?” Steel said as she took a seat at the island.

Valentina pulled away to go give Steel a big hug as well. Marcus watched his two favorite girls talk and cry happy tears. If someone had told him 2 years ago that he would one day be engaged and about to adopt a child, he wouldn’t have believed them. This was better than anything he ever could have dreamed of and it all started because a woman with nerves of steel walked into his office.

#marcus pike x reader #the mentalist #marcus pike