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ritzbernal · 3 years

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What Men Live By - Hometown Cha Cha Cha

Arrrrggg I refuse to theorize for this show, but I can read quickly. So, theorists of Homcha, I read the story What Men Live By written by Leo Tolstoy (i.e., the main story in the book Dusik opens in Ep. 6). Here are my thoughts on it:

Summary:

The story follows a poor shoemaker, Simon, who rescues a man naked and out in the cold, Michael. Michael is not forthcoming about himself, but in spite of doubts about him, Simon and his wife bring him into their lives and teach Michael how to make a living for himself crafting shoes with Simon. He lives with the couple and their family for several years. Michael smiles only three times in the story, each discussed – once, when Simon’s wife offers him food, second, when a nobleman asks him to make him sturdy boots, and third, when he meets a woman with two daughters she adopted.

At the end of the story, it’s revealed that Michael is a fallen angel, punished by God. God ordered Michael to live as a man and find the answers to three questions. Each time Michael smiled in the story, he found one answer. Here’s the questions and each of their answers:

1. What dwells in a man? – The answer, Michael realizes, is love. He realizes this when Simon’s wife feels pity for him and feeds him, even though she is poor and worries about the next meal for her family.

2. What is not given to a man? – The answer is “knowledge of his own needs.” In the story, a nobleman spent his last day ordering sturdy boots that he wanted to last for a year, but he died before that day was over. The noble had no idea he was planning for a future that didn’t exist for him. Michael realizes that humans aren’t given knowledge of their future – and what they actually need for it.

3. What men live by? - This one is less spelled out, but basically, what men live by is love for other people, not their self-interest. Michael realizes the answer when he sees two girls who were adopted by a woman. Michael actually knew the girls from their birth, because as an angel he was tasked with taking their mother’s soul to heaven. Even though the mother of the girls begged Michael to spare her life because children “can’t live” without their parents, Michael realizes at the end of the story that the mother was wrong. They could live as orphans just fine, because other people stepped in to love and care for the girls. This leads him to realize people don’t live just for themselves, but for love.

I think it’s a lovely story that gets to the heart of Homcha, which is that self-isolation is bad, even if society is hard to manage and can be restrictive. Society and connection is what makes us human. We are weak without other people, but can shore up each other’s deficiencies and our lack of knowledge of the future together. The story spells it out towards the end. Michael summarizes:

“I understood that God does not wish men to live apart, and therefore he does not reveal to them what each one needs for himself; but he wishes them to live united, and therefore reveals to each of them what is necessary for all.”

Now, that’s the bare-bones summary of the story. But I feel like I can't ignore that Dusik put a picture of a family inside the book, too. How could this story tie to Dusik, his trauma, and his emotional isolation from others?

I am going to let myself theorize a tad. Sorry!

*** Pure Clowning Below ***

Dusik might be like Michael. He might feel like the fallen angel – someone that is still looking for forgiveness and is trying to live a good life to earn it. That’s why he learns a bunch of crafts (like Michael, who picked up skills quickly in the story), why he reads avidly and with a philosophical bent, trying to get at the core of something deep about life, why he helps the villagers for little money, building and supporting their community, and also why he doesn’t foster a relationship with Hyejin. He’s borderline ascetic with his personal life – possibly because he thinks he deserves it. Because he thinks he’s owed some punishment.

And if the picture is his family's then he might feel like he's not allowed to move on and love again.

#eeeeeeeeey hawkofdagda come back so real!#i actually saw this on twitter so I had to see it for myself #gosh i miss your start-up write ups #hometown cha cha cha #kim seon ho

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ritzbernal · 3 years

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HOW CAN I WAIT A WEEK FOR THE FINAL EPISODE?!

#hospital playlist #need help #send help #this episode #oh gosh #i.am.speechless #iksong #gomgom #i was squealing and screaming too much that my cats almost bit me #i had to pause a LOT of times to control my feels #i-#i love it

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ritzbernal · 3 years

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hospital playlist season 2 episode 11 is the best movie ever made

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ritzbernal · 3 years

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ritzbernal · 3 years

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I've Got You Under My Skin Part 2

Author's note: Can you tell I'm inspired? A double fic post who is she? Dedicated to @serxeins because I know I can always count on you to read and comment and give me some good vibes.

Summary: She's not jealous.

He's not there the next day and it puts her in another foul mood, honestly who was he to invade her life like this and then leave as he pleased? She would be the one to send him away not the other way around, she was the one in control here.

She goes all the way to his house after work to inform him of this, slightly more prepared for his state of dress- he's only wearing a thin white shirt and flowy pants, both made of soft looking cotton.

"No wonder you're still sick. Look at you're wearing." She rolls her eyes at him not waiting to be invited in, he never waits for her and ignores her when she tells him to go away. It's their thing. Blatant disregard.

"That's shaming, that's no way to speak to a sick person. What medical school did you go to?"

"One that taught me to prioritize honesty over niceties."

She has more porridge but it's her mom's recipe the one she used to make when she was feeling sick and it was hard to keep anything down. She had suddenly remembered it the night before and woke up early to prepare it from sensory memory alone, she was hardly a chef but this was the only meal she could make without fail. If her eyes had prickled with instead tears as she stirred the pot that was no one's business but her own. She hadn't been able to make it for years now but for some reason she couldn't stop herself this morning.

"What's this?" He asks curious over her shoulder, his chin barely grazing her skin. She doesn't move away ignoring the thrumming his closeness elicits.

"Porridge."

"It smells good. It doesn't look like grandma's porridge. Where did you get it?"

"I made it." It's embarrassing admitting that she made anything for him, she feels like she's showing her hand far too much but can't get her mouth to stop revealing her heart.

"You're full of surprises. Let's heat it up."

He looks better now, no longer flushed and sweaty. The fever must have broken over night, he looks rejuvenated scooping the food into a pot and warming it up.

His house looks a bit cleaner today as well, the windows are open allowing a wonderful breeze to fill the space and sweep away the stench of sick in the air. She walks aimlessly until she sees a bit of material on the floor, bending to pick it up she glares at the material in her hand. It's a light pink scarf, thin and almost sheer. He has an eclectic style but this is indubitably a woman's scarf, she almost throws it on the ground in a fit.

"What are you doing?" He breaks her from her shock, walking towards her with twin bowls in his hands.

She almost hides the scarf away feeling ashamed of the searing hotness that rips through her chest like a current. But foolishly she swings her hand up presenting the offending item instead, narrowing her eyes as she peers at him.

"What's this?" She challenges, a voice in the back of her mind begs her to shut the fuck up but her anger pushes her forward recklessly.

He tilts his head looking intensely at the item before pursing his lips and answering, "I think it's a scarf."

No fucking shit Sherlock.

She looks at him unimpressed and unamused not quite understanding why she cares so much that there's a scarf- a feminine nother scarf in his house.

"I had a guest earlier. She probably left it." He replies lightly sitting their food down on the table and she follows him briskly still not satisfied with his answers.

"Give me back my porridge." She says childishly snatching away his bowl just as he's about to eat, the look of annoyance on his face brings her nothing but pure joy.

"What's your problem now?" He argues reaching for the bowl but she tugs it further out of his reach. With a long suffering sigh he stands up, stepping closer to retrieve the bowl but that move brings them chest to chest and she stares up at his bright eyes.

Bringing his hands up he touches the scarf in her hand, she drops it abruptly not wanting him to touch it at all now.

"Don't."

He stares at her long and hard, Adam's apple bobbing as their eyes lock. He shakes his head a tight smile on his face now and she wants to kiss that smug look right off his face. Wait.

What. What am I thinking?

The sound of his doorbell chiming breaks them free of this heated staring match, but not immediately he looks at her puzzled and is that something hotter, before slowly turning and walking towards the door.

"Hey, I think I left my scarf--"

A decidedly female voice sounds from the door and before she can second guess herself she grabs the discarded scarf from the ground and sashays over to the door. He looks completely surprised to see her walking over but barely reacts when she barrels next time, pulling the door open wider to see who's here to see them.

It's the new teacher that just moved into town, she hadn't yet been introduced to her but she'd heard nothing but bad things from the landlord. She was supposedly a man stealer.

"Oh! I didn't know you had a guest." The woman's gentle voice lifts in awe at her sudden arrival at the door.

"Here's your scarf." She thrusts the item fiercely at her, watching as the other woman jolts in surprise.

Du-sik looks curiously between the two seeming to feel the weird energy surging in the air.

"Miss Yoon this is--"

"Was that all you needed? We were in the middle of eating. He needs to regain his energy." She cuts him off, having no desire to be introduced to the other woman. The school teacher glances between the two of them being nodding slowly as if realizing something.

"Yes that was all. I'll leave you to your meals."

She watches as the school teacher disappears from sight, turning to walk back to the table.

"That was rude. Do you two have a problem with each other?"

Shrugging non-committally she pushes his porridge back across the space already digging into her own.

"Your meal will get cold. Stop saying nonsense and come eat."

He stares at her for a long time before retaking his seat and tasting the thick broth, she tries not to watch and wait for his reaction but it's probably a failure.

"It's delicious. I can't believe you made this."

Overlooking the backhanded compliment she hides her smile behind her spoon before looking up with a glare, "I'll never make it for you again." But it's an empty threat because she already made three containers worth in case he falls ill again.

"I'll turn off your electricity until you do."

She guffaws at the threat, grabbing the closest thing (a pen) and throwing it at him. It pings off his forehead and falls to the ground.

"Ow. That hurt."

Her phone vibrates in her pocket, no doubt her roommate asking about her whereabouts she had just suddenly disappeared out of nowhere after running out of the office. Swiping to open the phone she prepares for the onslaught of messages.

"---kiss it better."

She freezes at the words, dragging her eyes from the phone back up to his steady gaze. He's staring brazenly seemingly unashamed but the tint of red on his ears give him away, he's not at confident as he's pretending to be.

"What did you say?"

"I.....said you should kiss it better."

She has no clue what he's talking about but instinctively her eyes move down to his lips, blush pink and tempting they stand out on his pale skin. She wonders how they would feel under her own, if they would pucker up and press or bloom open giving her their sweet nectar. She wonders how many women he's kissed and if he's ever thought about kissing her.

"My forehead. I meant my forehead... because of the pen. I was just joking." He looks dazed now, still under her appraising gaze and she coughs swiftly moving her eyes and staring out the window.

"Mi-seon's looking for me. I should go."

Thankfully he doesn't comment on her running away again, he merely nods and collects their bowls.

"Thank you for the meal." She nods in response, her voice lost at the moment terrified of why she keeps coming here, what could she possibly want?

He walks her to the door, both of them dragging their feet and taking their sweet time.

"That was the worst part about not having parents."

She halts at his sudden confession, squeezing her fists tightly as she glances over at him.

"Not having anyone who cared when I was sick. It was never clearer how alone I was until those fleeting moments, there was no one to pat my back or bring me food or tell me I would be okay."

It's an ache she's used up, the ache of wanting something she'll never have. Years spent pretending she didn't miss her mother everyday. His honesty forces her own to the surface.

"That porridge was the one my mom used to make for me. I haven't made it since she...."

She doesn't finish her sentence but the look in his eyes tell her that she doesn't need to, he understands loud and clear.

"Thank you for making it for me. I'm honored." There is reverence in his voice as if he's never meant anything more in his life, it makes her heart tremble.

They don't speak anymore as she puts on her shoes and lays her bag across her body, reaching behind her he tugs the door open for her.

With a solemn nod she turns around ready to leave but a moment of temporary insanity makes her turn back and grab his shoulder for support, there's a look of genuine shock of his face before she leans onto the tips of her toes and presses her lips against his forehead.

Her cheeks are on fire as she draws back and his face looks painful from his red it is.

"You're going to be alright." With her last strand of courage she wraps her arm around and pats him on the back in comfort, his eyes are glossy and he looks years younger.

"I'm going."

She's aching to run but she walks away calmly until she's out of sight, throwing herself to the ground as soon as she turns the corner grabbing handfuls of her hair.

So much for being in control. Fuck.

#asdfghjklbajqiqncaiqlabsuue #hometown cha cha cha

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ritzbernal · 3 years

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Dusik and His Words vs His Touch

Thinking about Dusik and the way he keeps falling into a pattern of subconscious intimacy with Hyejin via his urge to touch her face. Times where his emotions are powerful enough that any words that he could say wouldn't do what he's feeling justice. This happens in the drinking scene when Hyejin talks about her mother and she gets self-conscious, blames the alcohol for her sudden flush to her face, and he uses his ice-chilled hands to cradle her face. It happens in the clinic scene when Dusik runs to see if Hyejin was ok and he immediately reaches for her face when he checks to see if she is ok before he collapses. And it even happens in the preview for ep 5 where they are eating together and instead of telling her she has schmutz on her face and letting her wipe it himself, Dusik reaches out and wipes Hyejin's face clean. Not only is he seemingly irrepressibly compelled to focus on her, but he does it in such a tactile way. He is literally connecting them via one of the most tender ways someone can: a soft touch to the another person's vulnurable face.

And his use of touch is especially interesting in contrast to how he often behaves in conversation with Hyejin because so often Dusik uses words to deflect. He doesn't talk about himself or explain things unless there's a layer of obfuscation involved masquerading as matter-of-fact simplicity. A prime example of this veneer of matter-of-fact-ness making his actions seem much more superficial than they actually are is all the hijinks when Hyejin first comes to town and he pretends to be less-than-helpful and completely disinterested at every turn. He really does help her many times, but never matches his explanations with the sincerity with which goes out of the way to help her. When he convinces Hyejin to go to the town hall meeting and then brought the snacks under the guise of being asked to by her, he never says why he did that for her and instead talks about how much money she owes him and leaves her with the receipt. But even now that they're somewhat closer (as in their ire for each other has turned playful with a hefty undertone of flirtation), he still keeps his true motivations hidden away. When she tries to ask him about his singing and he waves it away as simply something the cafe owner asked him to do and didn't really invite further questioning. As if the only reason he ever does something is as a favor to be repaid. He keeps his conversational interactions intentionally transactional and shallow as a way to deflect anyone perceiving more than he's willing to share (and he's not willing to share much).

But actions? It's within his actions where Dusik's true meaning lies. How he keeps helping Hyejin in ways that go beyond friendly neighborhood ambassador. How his eyes always find her and he notices her reactions in ways noone else does. Like when he notices her playing drunk, he also plays along with her desire to separate herself from others with her own veneer masking and doesn't expose her lie until they're alone and away from the others. Or when she is watching the bride being sent off by her family, he ribs her as if she was jealous of getting married, but what he really noticed was her wistfulness for having a mom to share life milestones with. He saw what she was feeling, but purposefully distracted her from her wallowing. Or after he finds her shoe, he takes care to not only dry it out, but instead of coming up with a snarky explanation, he simply places it in her cabinet without uttering a word to her about it, only notifying her via text after he's gone.

What gets me the most about their interactions is how the instinctive intimacy growing between them breaks through their mutual penchant for standoffishness. How his desire to be close to her is so compelling that he expresses real tenderness by reaching forward, focusing on her, and letting his hands touch her with care. His words may say one thing, but how he acts is how he really feels. And most interestingly, not only does he reach for her face when he wants to be close to her, but it's also his own face that always belies how he really feels. His eyes judge her and his mouth may mouth may utter sharp words of how he supposedly percieves her snobbiness, but it's those same eyes that hold tender gazes directed only at her (and that perceive her in the way noone else does), and that same mouth with his hidden smiles caused only by her.

So is it any wonder that when he feels most connected to Hyejin, when their connection crackles the most is when they gaze at each other and when he reaches for her face to convey his sincerity and solidify their connection to each other? It's their sharp tongues that put them at odds sometimes, and they both use their words as a defense mechanism, but in their most intimate moments so far, he is literally cradling her cheeks and the area around her mouth, protecting the very place where her own sharp words come out of.

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