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alexiethymia · 1 year

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[book spoilers]

Lockwood’s idea of a grand gesture is to be more of a fool than usual, more death-defying than usual, to make sure that Lockwood & Co. was always on front page news because if Lucy was the best then Lockwood & Co. could be nothing less than THE best agency to deserve her, to get her to return. And no, he doesn’t stop there. He may not have asked you to return on bended knee like you wanted Lucy, but like any proper gentleman caller he couldn’t come to your door empty-handed. He brings THE case, that one case that Lucy could never refuse coming from Fittes herself. I bet he spent all those four months searching for that one case. Because see the plan was always for her to return and Lockwood has always been an end-justifies-the-means kind of guy. And the way he gets her on board speaks a lot about his own character and how well he knows Lucy.

Lockwood has always been slightly manipulative and he uses the full force of that skill during that reunion with Lucy. Every move was calculated. From his suit he wears like armor, each one carefully chosen. An old coat that reminds them of a case they worked on together, an immaculate new suit (Really? Just to hire her again?), and to top it all of, a tie which Lucy specifically gave him. He catches her off guard, he doesn’t give her time to get her bearings. He knows asking her outright to return wouldn’t work. Even if he did beg, that already failed when he ended up so angry that he left Lucy behind in that cafe (the fact that Lockwood who prides himself on being a gentleman could leave a girl, and Lucy of all people, shows that his emotions were completely haywire that day). In other words, Lucy’s stubbornness proved stronger than his own. So he had to change tactics. He had to make sure that her returning would be all her idea, that she would return all on her own.

Because see, he didn’t need a case to see her. He could have visited at any time after they didn’t have closure when Lucy snuck away in the dawn to leave. He could have normalized ties between them and remained friends even as Lucy was now a freelance agent. But he didn’t. He made sure they didn’t have closure. He didn’t even acknowledge her leaving because to do otherwise would make it final. On Lucy’s end I think she wouldn’t have minded if they could be friends and talk casually together again. She wanted it. But that’s not what Lockwood wanted. He wouldn’t have been satisfied unless Lucy was back home with them. Like a jilted lover, he needed a grand gesture to draw her back in.

So he does everything. He lies. “I wouldn’t ask you again to return.” “It’s just a one-off.” “One night, two max.” But and even though Lucy couldn’t fully see through him, what they really meant, she did pick up on signs of him fraying and unraveling. The uncertain smile that was simultaneously just for her and was shades paler than his usual gigawatt smile, the slight bitterness that she was willing to work with other agencies but not his, that studied nonchalance as if he wasn’t keeping track of her progress and whereabouts the same way Lucy tried not to follow news of Lockwood and Co., the deflection, deflection, deflection.

He doesn’t answer properly regarding Holly because he still thinks she might have had something to do with Lucy leaving.

“George didn’t like it.” This is his mixing up of I and we tendency again but way worse. For him to use George to say that she was missed was egregious because couldn’t he just say that he missed her? Or even we missed you, we didn’t like it [the idea of replacing you]. It wouldn’t be so strange. He is as much her friend as George. Unless her leaving cut him more deeply. And we know he represses that sh*t. So he doesn’t even include himself in the equation anymore maybe because he thought it would make Lucy uncomfortable because not even him losing control of his emotions, being exposed and raw could get her to stay. Or at least that’s what he tells himself when in reality he’s fortified his barriers once again. He made himself open for Lucy, all the anger he’d kept tightly locked inside, and still - she left. So he can’t even talk to Lucy anymore without using someone or something as a conduit, projecting himself because he can’t expose himself to that sort of vulnerability again until he accomplishes his goal. So yeah there’s plenty of bitterness on his part, but what trumps that, always trumps it and his pride (because I’m sure part of him expected that Lucy would come back earlier on her own so he was just waiting and when that didn’t happen because see in a contest of wills Lucy’s would always trump his own, he’s weak when it comes to her, he’s the one who comes to her instead) - is that base desire for her to just come back.

#lockwood and co #locklyle #lockwood & co #anthony lockwood #lucy carlyle #see this is why I like manipulative characters #but ouch the angst #he was desperate by that point #you can’t tell me he didn’t have a plan a to z #everything is muted from lucy’s perspective because she always downplays everything lockwood does to or in relation to her #except at least she picked up his tendency to be self-sacrificial for her #but of course she turns it around and assumes it’s entirely her fault because she can’t control her emotions #when you know lucy it could be that it’s lockwood who can’t control his emotions #when it comes to you #see this is why I will not survive if there isn’t a second #(and hopefully third and fourth best case scenario four seasons)#because I desperately need to see that cafe conversation from outside lucy’s pov #because if that’s the way she described it #then lockwood must have been livid and entirely heartbroken #which doubles the angst when you consider what they went through this first season #and while he may have been aware of his feelings for lucy this first season #I think he took the stupid stupid route of thinking he wasn’t good enough for her #which is why he sort of stays away during the events of the hollow boy as to not burden her with his feelings #which unfortunately also contributed to lucy feeling that perhaps she did have to leave #when that was the last thing he wanted he never meant or even wanted for her to go #there is so much angst in the hollow boy and the creeping shadown #they already tripled the angst with the first season #if we get the second season focusing on these two books with perhaps a mid season finale at the point where lucy leaves the agency #I will not survive the angst #but I still need it

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ky-landfill · 6 months

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He had known, bone-deep, that he could not depend on anyone else. Now, it feels like the world has blossomed out around him. Around all of them. There is a future, now. There are people who care.

Now, Damian feels like every inhale goes deeper, and every exhale leaves more behind.

#fic rec #EXTREMELY DARK FIC BEWARE #According to Our Lightbyrambles #tim drake #damian wayne #reverse robin au #batman #now serving: angst #this one OUCH #seriously beware the tags #:(

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herodzn · 26 days

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As per request, tumblr gets to be devastated too

Me and my husband guapoduo animatic, ive done this a while ago but it still hurts just as much

#qsmp #qsmp fanart #qsmp roier #cellbit #guapoduo #qsmp cellbit #spiderbit #roier #ANGST #sadness and pain #ouch ouch ouch

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samkerrworshipper · 4 months

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The Last Time (exile pt.2) | Alexia Putellas x Reader

part 2 to exile

summary: Alexia tries to apologise to r after what happened at the club… another songfic based off the song the last time by taylor swift

warnings: none besides a whole lot of angst :(

Alexia knows a lot of things.

She knows how to play soccer, she knows how to speak English, Spanish and Catalan, she knows how to make some of the best paella in Barcelona thanks to her mother, she knows how to dance, she knows how to have some fun.

She also knows that you are the best thing that has ever happened to her.

It’s a fact, because Alexia was a mess before you, fresh out of a break up with Jenni, who she never really saw herself staying with but also never saw herself breaking up with.

There are some people like Alexia thinks, people that you love, but they aren’t your person. Sometimes those relationships are the ones that hurt the most.

Alexia knows that she’s fucked up more than she ever has before, she’s stripped you of your dignity and the respect in your relationship.

Eli told her as much, her mother taking your side as Alexia sobbed into her phone explaining just how badly she had messed up and how she had to fix it.

Alexia knew she was right, but she was also frightfully aware that she was fairly intoxicated, and she didn’t want to ruin your night anymore by showing up at your doorstep.

So, she timidly stepped back into the bar, taking in how a lot of the team had exited the dance floor, Jenni appeared to be gone, something Alexia was grateful for.

Before she could properly step into the space, Mapi was coming out of nowhere and clutching onto Alexia’s forearm, dragging her out of the club as quickly as humanly possible.

Before Alexia could ask any questions, all the air was exiting her lungs as she was slammed up against the brick wall of the outside of the club.

Mapi’s arm had come to rest flat against her chest, pressing her directly into the cold concrete.

“What the actual fuck was that.”

Mapi’s voice is seething, and sure, she’s Alexia’s best friend in the entire world, but you are also Ingrid and Mapi’s adoptive daughter, when it comes to protecting you they do it fiercely.

Alexia can’t do much besides burst into tears, she feels weak, stupidly weak, she doesn’t deserve to be crying, not after what she just did to you, but she can’t help herself, everything is too much.

Mapi eases up a little bit, her arm falling from Alexia’s chest, down to her stomach and bringing her in for a hug, it’s clear that Alexia is pretty tipsy, and she decides she’ll save the yelling for when she can fully appreciate it.

“C’mon, let’s get you home, Ingrid’s sober, she’ll drive.”

Alexia looks behind Mapi, to find her girlfriend lingering behind the two of them, a deep frown of anger and disappointment on her face.

It makes Alexia sick to her stomach, like she’s been punched in the gut repetitively, she probably deserves it, especially after what she just did to you.

She allows Mapi to lead her to a car, her body crumpling into the backseat, the thoughts of the last hour circling in her mind repetitively, like a record stuck on replay.

Drunken, heartbroken Alexia forces herself to make a promise in the back of Mapi’s car, this is the last time.

The last time she puts her feelings above yours, the last time she thinks without acting, the last time she disregards your relationship with such ease.

If for some miracle, she can manage to claw her way back into your life, then she promises herself she will never let this happen again, this will be the first and only time that she goes behind your back, this will be the last time that she treats you like you aren’t enough, this is the last night she will lie to you.

It seems empty, in the context, but Alexia doesn’t care, as far as she’s concerned this is rock bottom, this is the worst thing that has ever happened to her, and she’ll be damned if she lets you slip out of her hands without putting up a fight.

Never again will she allow you to push your feelings under the rug, she is never going to hide all of your problems away like they don’t matter.

When they do make it back to Ingrid and Mapi’s apartment, it’s clear Ingrid is fuming, Alexia can’t really blame her.

So Mapi is on clean up, dragging a zoned out Alexia into the apartment, throwing her into the guest bedroom with some Advil and water on her bedside.

It’s the bare minimum, it’s what Alexia deserves, Mapi doesn’t comfort her, she just gives her the look, the ‘you’ve seriously fucked up and I won’t lie to you about it’ look, it’s a look that previously Alexia had used on Mapi, before Ingrid, before Mapi got her shit together.

She leaves Alexia to wallow in her hangover and depression, deep down Mapi knows it’s what's best, even if it hurts her, she knows from personal experience that sometimes it’s best to hold yourself accountable for your actions, and she knows Alexia will.

Alexia manages to tug her clothes off, the items harbouring memories that make Alexia gag, she manages to crawl into the unfamiliar sheets of the bed and tumble into an alcohol induced sleep.

It’s not a good sleep, the kind of sleep where no matter how long you stay unconscious for, you seem like you are teetering on the edge of waking up again.

It’s why Alexia can’t sleep anything past 6am, which is her normal wake up time, on every day but a Monday, Monday’s are the one day of the week where Alexia allows herself to sleep in, because typically the only thing that happens on a Monday is video review in the afternoon, but that had been cancelled because Jona had some family commitment.

She crawls out of bed, finding a spare hoodie and shorts on the dresser in the room and tugging them on before walking into the living room.

To her surprise, Ingrid is already sitting at the kitchen table, a steaming mug of coffee in her hands, Bagheera in her lap and a laptop sitting on the counter in front of her.

“There is coffee in the pot.”

Ingrid’s voice is stiff, something so unusual for the brunette, normally she is all things warm and kind, it’s why Alexia believes she compliments Maria so well, she mellows out all of Mapi’s bluntness and contradictiveness.

Alexia tiptoes over to the pot, pouring herself a cup and then tentatively taking a seat at the table after Ingrid eyeballed the seat beside her.

She closes the laptop once Alexia has sat down, all of the Norwegians attention turning to Alexia, unfortunately.

“What you did last night was quite frankly disgusting. Your wife, my best friend, has put seven years of her life into you, you fall on her for anything you like, everything in your relationship is her problem, and for whatever reason she puts up with it, I know if it was me I wouldn’t put up with an inch of it, but she does, because that's who she is. She was holding on to one thing, you give away every single part of you, but she had something, a little piece of hope and last night you took it away from her. In fact, you practically stomped on that hope right in front of her. You don’t deserve her, you don’t deserve to walk on the ground that she does. I don’t care if you're my captain, or that you are La Reina or Alexia Putellas, you do not get to treat the person that loves you very most in the world like a piece of lint on a sweater. You dust her off at every single opportunity you can, and she just sits by, allowing you to, because she loves you, a lot more than you deserve.”

Alexia tries to say something, agree with Ingrid, because she does agree, everything Ingrid is saying is true, Ingrid stops her though, continuing her rant.

“For whatever reason, one I do not understand, she loves you, she talks about you like you created the moon and the stars, you make her happier than anybody else. That is why I am telling you that you have to make this right. Fuck Jenni, fuck you, fuck your fucked up ways. You need to fix this because she is going to be broken if you just give up. If anyone deserves to have their heart broken it’s you, so I don’t care if you have to die for her, you owe her that for all of the shit that you’ve forced her to put up with over the years. Last night might have been the straw that broke the camel's back, but you’ve been disloyal in every single way besides cheating up until last night, and if you love her at all, you will make it right. Nobody deserves to be loved more than she does, and if you don’t prove to her that you love her then she will spend every minute left of her life on earth gutted about it.”

Ingrid’s words are cut throat, so brutal that it takes Alexia a few seconds to absorb them all.

“Ingrid, she told me that she wanted a divorce, that she didn’t want to be married to a woman who broke vows, I can’t blatantly disregard her wants.”

Ingrid just rolled her eyes.

“Of course she doesn’t, so prove to her that you aren’t that woman, that it was a mistake and that it will never happen again, and I swear to every single god that exists that if it ever happens again, mark my words, you will be six feet under and nobody will be finding your body, understood?”

It’s a threat that normally Alexia would find humorous, but the way Ingrid says it makes Alexia fairly certain that the Norwegian is fairly serious. Ingrid is innocent, Ingrid is a sweetheart, Ingrid is kittens and all things sweet and nice, apparently until you hurt someone she loves.

“Do you know where she is?”

Ingrid takes a deep sip from her coffee.

“I talked to Keira and Lucy last night, they took her back to their apartment, said she was practically catatonic and refused to speak to them, just cried and sat on their couch with Narla.”

It’s a sad image, the pit of guilt in Alexia’s stomach only seems to continue to grow the more information she’s fed.

“They live two blocks away from here, right?”

Ingrid nods hesitantly, with the confirmation Alexia is shooting out of her seat, rushing towards the door of Mapi and Ingrid’s apartment, Ingrid is far to tired and fed up with the whole situation to try and stop her, even with the negative feeling that’s pooling up in her gut, she figures Alexia is a big girl though, and if she’s going to make time to atone for her sins there's no time like the present.

Alexia’s fast paced walk is fueled by one thing: fear.

Fear she’s lost you forever, fear she’s made the biggest mistake in her life, fear that one stupid fucking kiss could be the end of her life as she knows it.

It doesn’t take her very long to navigate her way through the Barcelona streets to Lucy’s apartment, Alexia and Barcelona are practically synonymous.

She grew up on these streets, she knows them better than anything in the world, she knows them better than she knows you.

Which almost makes her hurl, at what point did her wife, her lover, her heart become somebody that she doesn’t know, when did you stop becoming her priority?

Find myself at your door

Just like all those times before

I’m not sure how I got here

All roads, they lead me here

I imagine you are home

In your room, all alone

And you open your eyes into mine

Everything feels better

Alexia somehow finds her way to Keira and Lucy’s apartment, she’s been her hundreds of times, team bonding, dinners, movie nights, coffee catch ups. Lucy and Keira are also two people who you heavily rely on, often Alexia’s innately grateful for the two of them, because she can always trust that whilst the two of you are separated for national duties that you are in good company.

She knocks on the door, powerful, unyielding, confident. All things that Alexia is definitely not feeling.

She waits a maximum of three seconds, before she’s met with a frazzled looking Keira, who is still dressed in her pyjamas and looks like she hasn’t slept a single bit.

“Leave.”

Keira’s voice is scratchy, dry and weirdly fearful.

“I need to talk to my wife.”

Alexia doesn’t know why she uses the honorific, she hardly ever refers to you as anything but your name, but it's some sort of safety blanket for herself, a reminder that technically, according to a piece of paper the two of you are still married.

“Alexia, leave, she doesn’t want to see you and I don’t want you to get hurt when my girlfriend finds out you are here.”

Alexia grimaces at the thought of Lucy, who she knows will have far less restraint then Ingrid and Maria when it comes to defending your honour.

She relents though, Alexia has walked out the door one too many times, she knows it, and she won’t allow this time to be just another time that Alexia’s failed to show up for you.

“Keira, I won’t leave until I get to see her.”

Keira rakes her hand through the roots of her hair.

“Look, she’s been torn up about what happened all night, didn’t catch a wink of sleep, neither did Luce or I because we were so worried that if we left her she’d jump off our balcony or do something stupid. I’m sure you didn’t sleep well either, so how about you come back tomorrow or something, when she’s feeling up to it.”

Alexia pities Keira just a little bit, it’s Alexia’s fault that she looks like shit, everything is Alexia’s fault.

“Keira, please, I just need to see her, I know I fucked up, trust me, nobody knows it more than I do, I just need to see her, and apologise. You can kick me out afterwards, just please, let me say my peace.”

Keira’s jaw sets, and for a moment Alexia sees a different side to Keira, it scares her just a little bit.

“I hardly think you deserve any of her time, you don’t deserve her time or forgiveness.”

Alexia is about to agree with Keira, but the both of them are silenced by a voice.

“Kei, let her say what she has to say.”

And right before your eyes

I’m breaking

No past, no reasons

Just you and I

Just the sight of you brings tears to Alexia’s eyes.

There are big, puffy, red bags underneath your eyes, your makeup from the previous night smeared and mixed all over yourself.

You look so incredibly raw, like a piece of art, and it pains Alexia so much that she’s the reason for all of your pain, that her fucked up decisions have made you so broken.

“We’re waiting.”

Alexia’s brain snaps into order, all of her thoughts circulating as she tries to articulate what she needs to say to you.

This is the last time I’m asking you this

Put my name at the top of your list

This is the last time I’m asking you why

You break my heart in the blink of an eye, eye, eye

You find yourself at my door

Like all those times before

“Please, I know I fucked up last night. And it’s not the first time that I’ve put myself above you in the last little while, and you deserve better, you deserve so much better. But I do love you, I loved you enough to marry you, I loved you enough to make you a Putellas and I don’t regret that. I don’t love Jenni, I don’t want her, I don’t think about her like I think about you. I know, I broke your heart, a heart that I promised I would protect, that I’d care for. I know that I’ve asked too much of you, asked for you to forgive me of too much, you deserve better. Please, let this be the last time, I promise, I swear on my mothers life, that if you give me a chance, I will make this the last time. I know we’ve been here hundreds of times, and you have no reason to trust me, but please, give me a chance.”

Your facial expression doesn’t change, it’s spacey, sort of like you’re on a different wavelength.

Alexia’s toes are scuffing against the doormat, her hand resting on the door frame as she looks at you, with tears and desperation in her eyes.

“Little while? Alexia the last time you told me you loved me when it wasn’t for cameras or show was two years ago. When we took the trip to Ibiza before your break out season started, as soon as the award started rolling in, I didn’t matter, how could I? I didn’t marry La Reina, I married Alexia Putellas Segura, the woman who loved me, you aren’t that person anymore.”

You wear your best apology

But I was there to watch you leave

And all the times I let you in

Just for you to go again

Disappear when you come back

Everything is better

“Please, Y/n/n.”

Your face is unwavering, and for once Alexia doesn’t feel weak for being the one breaking down, it feels deserved, considering how many times the tables have been turned and you’ve broken down in front of Alexia because of her words and actions.

“No, you do not get to show up here with some perfect fucking apology to try and worm your way back into my life. It’s not fair Alexia Putellas, because you know I love you, you know that I would follow you to the ends of the earth, you know that I would give up every single part of myself for you. But I have watched you walk out the door so many times, and every single time I’ve let you back in, I’ve let you disappear whenever its been most convenient for you and act like everything is fine when you return. I put up with that, because I am a good fucking wife and I love you, more than is healthy. You are my everything, you are my world, and I would have died knowing you didn’t love me as much, because loving you was enough for me. But knowing that you loved Jenni enough to give her something so sacred to me, it felt like you ripped my heart out of my chest and cut it to pieces in front of my eyes. The worst part is, I still fucking love you, you could kill a hundred people or move to Antarctica and it wouldn’t matter, because I love you, unconditionally and it hurts. So please, for me, walk away, because if you don’t I’ll forgive you, and then you’ll worm your way back into my life, and it’ll hurt even more because I’ll be going against my beliefs and wishes.”

And right before your eyes

I’m aching

Run fast, nowhere to hide

Just you and me

Suddenly, tears are dripping down Alexia’s face, it hurts so bad to hear what you are saying, it feels like she’s being stabbed.

Having you hate Alexia is one thing, but having you love her but ask her to leave is the worst possible thing.

Alexia wants to runa way from the door, to leave you, leave this awkward fucking situation which Keira is directly in the middle of, but she can’t, not when your staring at Alexia like it’s physically hurting you to do so.

This is the last time I’m asking you this

Put my name at the top of your list

This is the last time I’m asking you why

You break my heart in the blink of an eye, eye, eye

“Please just let this be the last time, let it be the last time I fuck up, let this be the last time I hurt you.”

Alexia’s voice is pleading, begging, hoping.

“Sure, this is the last time you hurt me, this is the last time, because there won’t be any more times between us, we’re done Alexia.”

This is the last time you tell me I've got it wrong

This is the last time I say it's been you all along

This is the last time I let you in my door

This is the last time, I won't hurt you anymore

Alexia is balling now, big, wet, fat tears sloppily falling down her face as she processes the emotions and current conversation.

“Alexia, it’s been you all along for me, and I was okay with that, even if it was painful, even if you could never reciprocate. But this is the last time I open my door to you, this is the last time you hurt me. So leave, please, don’t make this any harder than it has to be.”

Alexia’s feet feel rooted to the floor, her toes curling into the doormat below her feet.

“Alexia, leave, before we call security.”

It’s Lucy’s bigger body, now shielding you from Alexia that sends the order, and before Alexia can say anything more, the door of the apartment is slammed in her face, and she’s left standing in front of a white door, with tears streaming down her face as she mourns her marriage that’s slipped out from under her, all because she was fucking stupid.

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dotted-clouds · 6 days

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Replaced.

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erisscribbles · 6 months

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And also it was a kid's show too.

#batman the animated series #tim drake #dc joker #batman #Harley quinn #well that escalated quickly #Ouch right in the childhood #comics #dc comics #cartoon #angst #like wtf #joker jr

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happyfoxx-art · 2 years

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OH BOY MORE ANGST!! We're headed back to the lair though! Everyone needs a hecking hug, but I think Raph could use it most rn.

PREV | NEXT | FIRST

#rotmnt #rotmnt spoilers #rotmnt movie #rotmnt fanart #angst #pain #ouch #tw: dissociating #trauma #Rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the tmnt movie #rise mikey #rise leo #rise donnie #rise raph #rotmnt aftermath comic

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celestialwrites · 3 months

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“why’d you do it?” character A questions, tears forming. “maybe i wanted to watch the world burn.” character B states simply. “with me along with it? Character A further questions, tears starting to flow. “yes, darling. you along with it.” character B sighs.

#ouch my heart #writers on tumblr #writers of tumblr #writing prompts #dialogue prompt #prompts #angst prompt #angst prompts #romance prompts #creative prompts #creative writing #writing list #writing on tumblr #writerscommunity #writing ideas #writing inspiration #prompt #story prompt #sad prompts

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hier--soir · 9 months

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tender is the night [for a broken heart]

joel miller x f!reader

pairing: ex-boyfriend!joel miller x f!reader summary: a birthday dinner gets interrupted by a drunk ex, who still can't say the words you need to hear. warnings/tags: [18+ MINORS DNI] jackson era, ex-boyfriend!joel, crying on your birthday, angst, insecurity, joel can't express how he feels, nothing is resolved at the end, a drunk teary dilf. word count: 2.6k masterlist a/n: ouch. was in the mood for angst and hopelessness apparently? it hurt to write so it very well may hurt to read. enjoy!

The table was a disastrous mosaic of dirty crockery and full glasses of wine. Countless empty serving bowls were strewn to the far edges of the wood. Plates crusted with sauces and relishes were framed by purple rings where wine had stained the table. A Victoria sponge with the words ‘another year!’ written across it in a cinnamon dusting—because “we couldn’t figure out how to make icing”. Amidst it all, candles rested on simple saucers, wax dripping down their sides as small orange flames sent plumes of smoke towards the ceiling.

Those glowing flares sent shadows flickering across the table. The light reflected shards of yellow and white on the faces of your friends, highlighting drunken smiles and heavy lids over shiny eyes. Hushed conversation on one end of the table mirrored by raucous laughter and jeering on the other; the people closest to you, come to spend an evening together in celebration.

You were happy. A tingling sensation resided within you, vibrating in the space between the tips of your toes and the top of your skull. And yet, you couldn’t shake the ever-present reminder of something being missing. Or, someone, rather. A large, person-shaped hole existed in the room – in the space beside you. A cold patch of air that should’ve been warmed by an additional body. An empty chair at the the table, with no one to fill it.

The sharp clinking of a fork against glass caught your attention. Sydney was perched at the head of the table, messy haired and wide eyed. Unbeknownst to you, she’d taken the time to retrieve a fresh bottle of wine from the kitchen, and now stood over the group, crooked teeth on show as she beamed in your direction.

“Sooo,” she teased, dragging the word out and wiggling her eyebrows jauntily. “We’re here to celebrate a very special person.”

A chorus of cheers and whoops rung out along the table, and that warm feeling of happy, I am happy simmered in your chest again. A—dangerously full—glass of wine was held in your hand, and you sipped the crimson liquid leisurely, savouring the taste as it swum down your throat and into your full belly.

“Our dear, dear friend,” she said your name softly. “You mean so much to us all. No words could describe how grateful I am to have found you in this disaster of a world, and how pleased I am that our paths crossed after so many years of solitude.”

Jesse leant in from the seat beside yours, circling a lanky arm around your shoulders. You dipped your head in his direction to offer up a shy smile.

“You deserve nothing but the best,” Sydney continued, her eyes softening. “Here’s to another wonderful year with you, my friend. Happy birthday.”

You raised your glass into the air, laughing as your friends lifted their own to meet it. Glasses clashed in a boisterous toast, wine sloshing over rims, creating a new pattern of imperfect blots on the table.

“Alright, alright,” you chuckled, motioning for them all to settle down. “This means so much to me, really.”

You paused, soaking in the sight of their faces. Soft lipped smiles and bright eyes, gazing at you with nothing but love. “Thank you for coming. Thank you for the cake, for the wine. It means the worl—"

A sharp knock at the door cut you off.

All heads ticked in the direction of your entryway. Eyebrows drew together, friends glanced around, assessing who was missing from the table. A short, wary giggle loosed from your lips as you placed your wine glass down.

“I’ll, uhh—” you rose from the table. “I’ll go see who that might be.”

Before you’d taken a single step, you noted your pulse quickening.

He wouldn’t, you thought lamely, walking slowly towards the door. Surely, he wouldn’t.

Not today, of all days.

Not after months.

But you were lightheaded from the wine, the critical thinking part of your brain thoroughly fogged. And so you gripped the handle and tugged the door open without properly preparing yourself for if it was him, and then—

He would.

Today, of all days.

After months.

He would, and he did.

You balked at the sight of him. The cool evening air rushed in through the open doorway, and you could see dried yellow leaves smattered across the front porch – victims to the Fall weather. You noticed his boots first, unable to drag your gaze from the ground. Bulky, black boots that stood on the faded wood of your porch decking, crushing those flaxen leaves beneath them.

“Darlin’.” That deep, ache-in-your-stomach-inducing, nauseatingly familiar Texan drawl.

You recoiled at the sound of it, instinctively taking a step back into the house and away from the door, away from him.

He mirrored your movement, feet dragging his body a tedious step forward, until he rested atop the welcome mat. The thick, sour smell of liquor wafted through the air, and the tip of your nose scrunched at the overbearing scent. You finally allowed your eyes to drift up his body; past the wrinkled blue jeans, the dark green flannel, to rest on his face.

His beard was unkempt, curly hair unruly and a little longer than you’d seen him have it in all the years you’d known him. Dark irises bordered by bloodshot whites rested in the middle of his face, framed by heavy blue under-eye bags that hinted at a blatant lack of sleep.

As you took in his appearance, Joel spoke again. “Happy birthday.”

His words had a slow, lilting slur to them, and as he stood there a soft, dopey smile stretched across his face. The crow’s feet by his eyes made your stomach twist into knots, and had you fielding an onslaught of memories of how you used to lay tender kisses against the wrinkled skin, whispering how much you loved those marks.

You were aware of how chatter at the table had died down, silence descending upon the house as your guests comprehended who was at the door.

“Joel,” you cleared your throat in an attempt to mask your tone of stilted surprise. “I—”

“How are you?” he took another step forward, scraping his shoes on the mat as if he were about to step inside.

Instinctively, you shot a cautious glance at your friends. Jesse had risen from his seat and was watching the interaction warily. He’d had his fair share of troublesome run ins with Joel lately and was on guard in an instant.

You ignored his question. “What are you doing here?”

“I was…” he paused thoughtfully, tongue darting out to wet his cracked, pink lips. “Could I come inside for a minute, sweetheart?”

The sound of glass breaking snatched the response from your mouth, and Joel’s brow pitched down in concern. The pair of you looked in towards the table, where a red-faced Sydney was clambering to collect broken shards of a glass that had been knocked to the floor.

“Oh,” Joel’s voice came quieter this time, sounding somewhat dejected. “You have guests, I-I’m sorry to, uh, to intrude.”

“We were just having dinner,” you said quickly, heat soaring through your skin as you noticed how his face had fallen, drunken smile nowhere to be found.

It hurt how much you wanted to reassure him. How you wanted to reach out and place a hand on his shoulder, to tell him that you would never celebrate your birthday without him.

Except you couldn't say that. Didn’t reach out to touch him, or to reassure. Instead, you let your words hang in the air for him to interpret as he wished.

“Right,” he nodded quickly, eyes glazing over a little.

The air felt thick with tension, a heavy silence permeating between the two of you and the guests around the table. Everyone’s eyes were on you, trying to gage your reaction. Your chest felt tight, every breath painful as air clawed its way in and out of your lungs.

“Hey,” rough fingers grazed your cheek, and your breathing hitched. “Why're you cryin', sweetheart?"

You hadn’t noticed the tear falling until he swiped his thumb below your eye, brushing away the wetness. The feeling of his skin on yours after so long caused a thick set of tears to fill your eyes. You swallowed them down quickly, sucking your lips into your mouth as you tried to keep it together.

Through blurry eyes you could see the concern on Joel’s face. He still looked so handsome. Even when it was clear he hadn’t been taking care of himself, even when he was drunker than all hell – he was so beautiful that it hurt.

“Why today?” you cursed internally at how feeble you sounded.

His hand dropped away, lips forming your name in a soft exhale.

“Don’t,” your voice hardened. “Just—tell me why you’re here, why today.”

“Let’s not fight,” he said faintly. The breeze shifted towards you, carrying the heady scent of whiskey that coated his breath. “Not on your birthday.”

“We aren’t fighting.” Your fingers sought out the doorhandle again, using it’s sturdy weight to ground yourself.

He was practically swaying on his feet, broad torso tilting slowly from side to side. “Feels like we are,” he confessed, thick eyebrows drawn across his forehead. “Y’hardly look at me anymore when I pass you in town.”

The dull ache in your chest intensified as you noticed tears glistening on his waterline all of a sudden, poised to fall at any moment.

“Joel, I don’t…” you sighed softly, eyes glancing out to the empty street as you tried to steady your breathing. “There’s nothing to fight over anymore – it’s done. It’s been months… I have nothing else to say about it; about any of it.”

He was silent for a long moment, cracked lips pursed as he digested your words.

“I’ve missed that,” he finally murmured.

“What?”

He hiccupped softly. “You sayin’ my name. S’my favourite thing in the world.”

“Jesus,” you muttered, although your heart stuttered at the words. “Can I get someone for you? Ellie?”

“No, don’t—” another hiccup “please don’t tell her.”

“You’re drunk,” you admonished, quiet enough that your friends wouldn’t be able to hear.

His fingers gripped the lapels of his jacket, drawing it tighter around himself. He seemed shy beneath your gaze – almost unsure of himself, now that he was actually stood at your door.

“I miss you,” his low voice cracked and trembled. “Thought about you all day, couldn’t stop myself from comin’ over.”

You shivered, wrapping your arms around your torso to protect from the cool wind.

“And?” you rasped wetly. “You still can’t say it, though, can you?”

He stared at you, glassy eyed. His mouth opened, and the words, “I need you” tumbled out.

“God, you’re such an asshole,” you scowled, eyes widening in desperation. “Why the fuck did you come here?”

“Where else would I go?” he implored. “Just wanna be wherever you are.”

You fell silent. Your heart thrashed inside your ribcage, striking rhythmically against your sternum in sharp jabs. It felt as though the crack down the middle of your heart, the one that you’d been working tirelessly to mend, was torn back open, a fresh wound once more.

“You know how I feel about you, darlin’,” he tried, taking another step forward.

“No,” you hissed, feeling almost hysterical as you held a hand out to stop him. “No, I don’t. For years I tried to figure it out, Joel, years, and I’m still at a fucking loss.”

“You’re the one who wanted time apart,” he bit, top lip curling in frustration.

“I never wanted whatever,” his hands gestured wildly between the pair of you. “this is. Never wanted to be away from you.”

You stared listlessly at him. “Yes,” you nodded. “I wanted time apart, because you needed to figure out what you wanted.”

“I know what I want,” his eyes blazed. One of his hands pushed forward and hovered over yours for a moment, dark eyes gaging your reaction before he allowed the digits to rest over yours. He squeezed your hand once, softly, and then held it. “You know it’s not easy for me to… to say these things.”

“It’s not easy,” you choked out. “To share two years with someone and then—fuck—to hold my heart out on a platter, to tell you that I loved you, over and over again, and never once hear it in return." Your chest heaved with jilted breaths, eyes widening as you spoke. "And it was okay, at first; I understood. I know what you’ve been through, but… it scares me, Joel, not knowing. And I trust that actions can speak louder than words, and that you have shown you care for me but… but maybe I’m weak – because I need to hear it. I need to know.”

A tear finally spilled, cutting a fierce line down his cheek, and disappearing into his beard.

It felt like you were baring your insides to him for the millionth time. Spilling your guts onto the ground before him and foolishly hoping that he would help to tuck them back inside where they belonged. Hot, red, pulsating matter that ached for him to take it in his hands, to caress it carefully, and whisper that yes, after all this time, he loved it.

You’d almost forgotten that a room full of people could hear your every word, and yet you found yourself uncaring.

Let them hear it, you thought. Let them see your love, your earnest, your honesty, and let them ache with you as it was not returned.

“Baby,” Joel squeezed your hand again, voice low like a warning. “I do, okay? I do.”

Please don’t do this, his eyes were screaming.

“I don’t want to have to beg you to love me, Joel.”

“Let me come inside,” he pleaded softly, through steadily falling tears. “Let me stay with you. I’ll show you, okay? I just need some more time, sweetheart, please.”

You smiled sadly and raised your clasped hands to your mouth, pressed a delicate kiss to his palm. A glistening streak painted his skin where it had touched your tear-stained face.

And then you let his hand go. Watched it drop down to his side, palm still held up to you. As if that were its naturally resting state whenever you weren’t holding it.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” you said, voice thick.

His fingertips grazed your shirt as he reached out again, but you had already taken a step backwards, out of reach.

“Pleas—”

“I love you,” you murmured brokenly. He finally fell silent, wet eyes widening at the words; at the simplicity with which you’d spoken them. “Please get some sleep.”

Joel blinked, wiped tears away with a rough hand. Nodded twice, torso swaying precariously as he spun on his feet to leave. You watched his back retreat, a fresh set of tears spilling onto your cheeks.

He paused then, only once, at your letterbox. Fingertips trailed over the lettering that spelt your name, and he spared a single glance over his shoulder.

“I’ll be back,” he said, just loud enough for you to hear over the soft Fall wind.

And as he departed, boots leaving your porch to stamp heavily across the grass and onto the road, that feeling of loss returned.

So short lived was its departure, and his return. Yet as Joel ventured into the darkness, avoiding the shining light of streetlamps, his absence curled around your being once more, greedily slinking into the space where he had stood.

You met it fondly, embraced the cool feeling as it floated over your skin, stroked your hands and face and held you in its grasp. Something to sit with – something to remind you, as you waited.

And you knew you would. Wait for him, that is.

As long as it took, you would wait, against your own better judgement.

For you loved him. Even when he couldn’t say it back, you loved him.

#joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller fanfiction #my writing #tender is the night [for a broken heart]#joel miller angst #joel miller hurt #ouch #tender is the night

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alexaatla · 5 months

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me when i hear “i don’t think your someone you would choose to be around lately” and “i’m sorry you don’t realize it’s your loss too” and “he never knew me when i was someone to be proud of” and “this is what I wanted wasn’t it?” and “we’re stuck with ourselves longer than we’re stuck with anyone else”

#dndads #dungeons and daddies #scary marlowe #terry jr stampler #terry jr #ron stampler #beth may why #ouch ouch ouch #stampler angst

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yourheartonfire · 10 months

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The pass itself was quick: enter the bar, spot the contact, slide into the booth, exchange the flash drive for an envelope of cash under the table.

The fallout was longer though.

"Don't open it here," the antagonist said out of the corner of their mouth. So of course the protagonist immediately ripped it open and started thumbing through the stack of bills in their lap.

The antagonist sighed and took a sip of their drink. They were drinking a wine spritzer. The protagonist had never seen them drink a wine spritzers. "You are such a child."

"Child who gets paid." Wasn't it convenient to have an excuse not to look the antagonist in the eye? "You taught me that."

"You're still mad?" the antagonist said incredulously, as if this indicated something deeply wrong with the protagonist. "I'd thought you'd have figured out by now this -" they gestured to the two of them "- wasn't personal."

The protagonist abruptly lost count. The bills crunched in their hands as their fists clenched. Gravity itself lurched - just like it had that day last spring where the antagonist had announced it was done and abruptly gone from lover to ex.

"Wasn't personal?" the protagonist said, trying to match the chill in their former partner's voice. No, not chill. Something worse. Indifference. "It felt pretty personal when you straight up shattered my heart after two years together."

"It was 18 months," the antagonist muttered into their drink, looking exhausted.

"21 months," the protagonist countered. "And three weeks, four days. You..."

Their voice failed. How could they say it? You were the center of my world. I thought I was the center of yours.

"Well, that's the other reason we're here," the antagonist said, rubbing at the bridge of their nose. "You've been looking for me. Looking into me. Stop."

"Why? Am I embarrassing you in front of all your cool friends?"

"No." The antagonist crossed their arms. "You're going to get yourself killed."

Something about the utterly detached way they said it killed the protagonist's snark in their throat. The antagonist's gaze flicked across their face and they gave a small nod. "My clients don't like loose ends or complications. I've had to put out fires on you twice. Pass you off as some crazy ex."

"I am your crazy ex," the protagonist snapped back. "Crazy for thinking something was wrong, that you might be in trouble when your whole personality shifted overnight. And not in, like, a professional shift, like when you're working a mark-"

"No," the antagonist said with another sigh. "It was exactly in a professional way."

The protagonist blinked. "What the hell does that mean?"

The antagonist stretched their hands out, forearms on the sticky bar tabletop. The protagonist didnt even have time to think before their own hands dropped the cash, snaked their way into their lover's grasp. "Honey," the antagonist said, staring deep into the protagonist's eyes. "I'm trying to tell you that you were the mark."

The protagonist stared. "What?"

They tried to pull back. The antagonist's grip on their wrists tightened. Their face smoothed back into the protective, devoted partner. But the eyes, the eyes were so empty. "It wasn't personal because you were a job," the antagonist said in awful imitation of their past self. Their kind self. Their... fake self?

"No." The protagonist yanked harder. "No! Bullshit. You didn't take anything from me!"

"No? I took you. You for... what was it? 21 months, three weeks?" The antagonist's lips curved. They traced their thumbnail across the delicate skin of the protagonist's inner wrist. "You really are incredible at what you do. A one of a kind skill set."

"No!" They were loud enough a few heads turned. They were smart enough now to clock the heads that didn't. The waitress. The bruiser at the bar. The couple at the next booth over. "We were partners!"

"On jobs I picked, where you never met the other team members?" The antagonist let go. "I secured exclusive use of your services, and I kept you off the board from any other players. Then the job ended. I cut you loose. Now you know. Is that enough closure for you to let this go?"

They asked like it was so reasonable. The antagonist had always had a way of making anything sound reasonable, sensible, the inevitable course of action. The protagonist stared at their own hands still lying on the table and tried to think.

"Why are you telling me this?" they asked.

"I told you my clients don't like loose ends-"

"Neither do you." The protagonist leaned back themselves. "Why are you warning me?"

"God, [protagonist], I'm not a killer. I don't want you dead." The antagonist shifted, hand drifting down to their pocket. "Bad for business, leaving bodies in the wake."

"You did leave a body in your wake," the protagonist said quietly.

"No." The antagonist gathered up their sunglasses, their jacket. "I left a broken heart. People recover from those everyday. You will not recover from what my clients will do if they decide you're a threat."

They stood and - to the protagonist's shock - bent to brush a kiss against their hair. The protagonist flinched.

"For what it's worth," their former partner murmured, "I had fun. Hope you did too."

And once again, they were gone, leaving the protagonist to pick up the pieces and the bill.

#my fiction #hero x villain #thief x thief #thief x hacker #thief #hacker #hacker protagonist #ouch #angst

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skitskatdacat63 · 2 months

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His bullfighting days aren't over quite yet.

#GET IT??? HIS *BULL*FIGHTING DAYS....hahah yeahhhh im so clever.....#suddenly had the urge to draw old man version matador nando bcs DC randomly called him a matador during quali #and im like oh my god....dc....youre so right....#hoping this piece works as some kind of blood sacrifice for his performance in about 7 hrs :)#get it blood sacrifice??? and hes cutting his hand in this piece???#thats supposed to represent two things.#1. hes doing a blood pact/sacrifice so his performance goes well #2. hes testing the sharpness so he can slay the bull!(and the...horse? 🤭🤭)#had a very interesting convo w Suzuki abt the implications of matador nando #based on a meme i made 😭 abt how our fantasy is that hes gonna be the bullfighter. hes gonna slay the bull #but the reality will be that he looks upon the bull from a distance #hes meant to kill the bull to overcome it. but he just ends up longing to be the bull. he fails.. hahaha get it....#lmao angst aside i think its kinda funny how i can have this reasoning for the matador au in two eras #thats long the old man has been here. has had two distinct periods of challenging the (red) bull #ANYWAYS!!!! hope ya like!!!!!! i think this is pretty relevant hopefully 🤭🤭#quite happy w this one even if it was less of an ordeal than most of my drawings #waaaahahhh hes so handsome!!!!! handsomest guy!!!!!!!#lol scheduling this like an hr before the race cause as i said. its an offering. its a sacrifice. i pray to the racing gods #tw blood #<- just a bit 🥰 he was originally just gonna be holding the sword but i realized ouch! sharp!!!#f1 #formula 1 #fernando alonso #catie.art.#fa14 #f1 art #f1 fanart #matador au

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gabugabs · 2 days

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ditch the vampire court, go to your kid's play

ch5 of thicker than if /// @barbwritesstuff

#thicker than #thicker than if #my art #comic #elias blackwell #his daughter's name is annie 🥹#ch5 problems now seem so insignificant compared to ch8+ problems haha #just a gut punch after gut punch #especially the beginning of ch10. ouch #(i loved it though. give me ALL the angst)#carpe noctem. wahoo!

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timtwylan · 2 months

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Literally leo @ jason…

#jason grace #leo valdez #valgrace #i love valgrace angst #ouch ouch ouch #sobbing #heroes of olympus #hoo #pjo #riordanverse #pjoverse

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beanghostprincess · 3 months

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kid asl + kid sanji + sabosan

ace and sabo being sweet to luffy in their own kid way and sanji seeing it and being like "oh :] ( :[ )"

but very quickly having that kindness extended to him (especially by sabo)

the brothers hunt the food and sanji cooks it

sabosan bonding over horrible noble families

This is so sweet,, My sweet boys :( I don't care if it doesn't make sense with the timeline or whatever, but Sanji ends up meeting them when they're kids. I always use this plot, but-- The Orbit gets stranded in Goa and of course, the kids find out because they're always waiting for pirates. So ASL finds Sanji and they won't stop asking questions about piracy and his life and telling him how excited they are to become pirates. Sanji is- Saying overwhelmed would be an understatement because imagine a kid like him hanging out with THEM. But he has so much fun, too, because it's been so long ever since he saw somebody his age and he's not used to hanging out with them but they welcome him with open arms. They tell him that they're brothers (Ace and Sabo fighting over who's the oldest, as usual) and explain to him the basics: Where they live, how they hunt for food, their training... And Sanji is just there, staring at them with eyes wide open, and asking how the hell they manage to live like this. Sanji has a bit of an attitude now in comparison to when he was with his family, but he's still a bit of a sweet crybaby who isn't used to the outside world and has the biggest heart in the world. The brothers find him so sweet,,, It makes Luffy kind of angry because "Why's he allowed to cry but when I do you call me a crybaby???" and Ace and Sabo always go "Because if you wanna be a pirate you gotta be strong! He's a cook. It's not the same" (cool way of saying 'we don't laugh at the pretty boy because we want to kiss the pretty boy, Luffy') and Sanji wants to prove them wrong and show that he's brave like them but doing what they do is just a big no-no. They always end by saying "Everybody has their strengths!!! We don't even know how to boil water" and Sanji feels all proud of himself whenever they compliment him like that.

Basically, they tell him to stay with them for as long as his ship is stranded there, and he accepts right away because they look fun and sweet and like friends, finally. And maybe they're the people Reiju was talking about when she said he'd find better people someday. So ASL hunts and Sanji cooks with the abilities he used to have when he was a kid, which are better now that he has a bit of experience, and the kids fall for him so quick. So damn quick. They taste Sanji's food and now you have Ace and Sabo experiencing their first ever crush ("first" for Sabo, because Ace's first crush was Makino and I will always find that so cute). Luffy is more focused on the food, though, but the three of them still fight over Sanji's attention. So-- I think this would be really funny. Sanji stays with them and is completely oblivious to Ace and Sabo falling for him, even if they're constantly trying to show off their abilities to get his attention. Sanji is a bit busy trying to get used to all of these emotions. Every day is fun and a bit dangerous and he does cry a lot, and the only one who can calm him down is Luffy because he knows how it feels to be scared. They play together and show him around. They introduce him to Dadan (who's about to have a heart attack because she can't deal with more kids) and she actually ends up loving him because!! The kid knows how to cook!! That is a win for them.

It's a bit weird for Sanji, to see them like that. Because he has never had any interaction with other siblings and they act so... Differently from his. Okay, yes, they fight a lot, but it's never serious. They always end up laughing. They're rough with each other but when it matters they're always using tender touches and language with each other. They calm Luffy down when he gets angry, know how to react if Ace is feeling stressed, and constantly say they miss Sabo when he isn't with them. Sanji doubts his brothers would've ever acted like that with him, so it hurts. He doesn't quite know if it's jealousy? Envy? Frustration? But Sanji knows it breaks his heart a little knowing he wasn't worthy of being loved like this. But they show him that he is worthy and he was never the problem to begin with. Because they start showering him with love too! Sanji doesn't want to be a bother, so he never asks for things and instead always tries to be useful. To sort of thank them for letting him have a place to stay. ASL just wants him to be a kid like them. They compliment his food, respect his personal space, let him participate in everything he wants, and they're so, so protective of him. Sanji might not train with them, but he's always there when they do, and if there are dangers near he knows they'll look after him without even having to ask. He wonders why they do that most of the time, and they always end up telling him "Because we don't want you to get hurt, dummy. We thought that was obvious?" and it breaks his heart a little.

They bond over so many different things. Luffy loves Sanji's cooking and won't stop asking him every day if he'll be his cook once he becomes a pirate (Sanji is always telling the three of them he has yet to decide), and he's always the one calming Sanji down whenever something's wrong. Luffy tells him in private that he knows feeling weak and scared sucks, but it isn't that bad when they're together, right? "Alone we aren't really strong, but together we are unstoppable! So stay with us, okay? That way you'll never have to cry again. I don't cry anymore because I'm all brave and a pirate, so it's my job to make sure you're always smiling!" and that melts his heart completely (and adds a new, painful meaning to Whole Cake Island. I wanna d word a little).

On the other hand, there's Ace... Ace is a complicated kid, obviously. He tries so hard to be cool and seem strong. At first, it makes Sanji admire him a lot, but then he finds out the kid is actually stupid and reckless and has to be looked after a lot too. Sanji loves being with him because he feels protected, but he's always worried Ace might get hurt. To be fair, it happens with Luffy too. However, there's just something about him... Like he's more mature than them. Like he has grown up too fast. And he hasn't talked about his past, so Sanji isn't sure why he's this way. Ace doesn't like Sanji seeing him this way, he figures, because he always pretends to be okay when Sanji knows he isn't. Until one day they have the "Should I have been born?" talk, and it's the first time somebody tells Ace "I think about that a lot too" instead of the usual "I don't know" or just a plain "Yes". They get each other so well. Ace wants to make a name for himself because his father has determined his whole future, and Sanji doesn't want to have anything to do with his father and just wants to be a normal person, but they both feel like they are a mistake, while the other keeps saying he's happy the other is alive.

And then there's Sabo. Now, Sabosan is the endgame ship here because I say so. I was just using Acesan as plot device because it's sweet and funny. Sabo, the one who always tries to be more mature and calm and cold-headed because the other two are even more chaotic than him (imagine how chaotic they are because Sabo is already... Something else), loses it the moment he meets Sanji. He's,,, He's so pretty. He's cute and knows how to cook and he's so so sweet and nice and has the biggest heart in the world. And Sabo has only seen pain and torture in the world. Living isn't just living, it's survival and escaping the pain he has to deal with his family every day. Sanji feels like living. Like, actually enjoying life when they're together. Sabo might be chaotic and he might fight a lot with Ace and Luffy for Sanji's attention, but at the end of the day, he is the gentle brother who takes more care of Sanji and is always looking after him. He brings him books from his house because he knows Sanji likes reading. He often even writes stuff for him because Sabo is a writer, and feels the need to show his art to Sanji. He lends him clothes and he's always the first one to offer to cook with him, even if he's awful at it. They're still kids so Sabo isn't quite sure what love feels like, but this is close enough, he thinks. Every time Sanji laughs? Smiles? When he speaks about the All Blue? It makes Sabo's heart do backflips. It makes him want to keep fighting and training. And Sanji sees the pain and responsibility Sabo feels in his eyes. He feels protected when he's around and it's always so much fun to be together. He likes how passionate Sabo is about writing and becoming a pirate, and he loves the way he takes care of Luffy too. Sanji ends up realizing he always puts a little bit more effort into Sabo's food... And he doesn't know what love is, but he's a bit shy around Sabo now that he knows he feels different about him.

Just imagine Makino coming to see them and meeting Sanji! She'd love him! The kid is so polite and smart and she just wants to kiss his cutie face and hug him tight. Her personality is kind of like his mom's, so it hurts a little to meet her, but she's just so sweet that Sanji can't help but grow attached to her. And God, just imagine Sabo and Sanji interacting in front of her. Sanji blushing and Sabo eating his food happily and always being so, so close to him. That woman knows what's going on, but if she asks Sabo she knows he's gonna go "What?! Sanji?! No! I don't like him! I mean- I do like him. But... But it's not that way..." / "Are you sure about that, darling? You know you can like, like him, right? It's okay. You can tell me" / ".... Do you think he likes me back? What do I do for him to like me back? What if he goes away and never finds out?!" / "I don't think you have to worry about that now, sweetie". But Makino is also a bit of a tease, so she goes to Sanji one day and says "Hey, Sanji? What do you think of Sabo?" / "..... He's really nice to me" / "He is, isn't he? He isn't that nice to everybody. Maybe you're special for him?" / "What?! I am not, how- How could I be? He's just... He just looks after me because I can't do it. I'm a burden" / "Don't say that, honey. He looks after you because he cares for you" / "He looks after Luffy too" / "It's different with you, I think. But well, he also looks after Luffy because that's what brothers do" / "Do they?" / "What, sweetie?" / "Nothing. Sorry. Sabo always asks to cook with me" / "Mmm. I wonder why".

Sanji doesn't make any promises because he has three different boys asking him if he wants to be their cook once they're captains, so he just says he wants to find the All Blue. That's enough for him. So now he has Ace, Sabo, and Luffy fighting over who will be the one taking Sanji to the All Blue. For now, Sanji just says he's everybody's cook. That's cool with them.

I think all of this could go hand in hand with the AU of Sanji and Sabo seeing each other first in a meeting between their families. So when Sanji ends up in the Goa Kingdom, Sabo already knows him and that's why they accept him into their little family so quickly. He thought Sanji was dead, so when they see each other again, Sanji is the happiest boy in the whole world. He's so protective of him. He won't stop saying how much he hates his family and Sanji. But they're alright now. They're okay.

But they're not. Because then, Sabo "dies". And the day after, Sanji has to leave with his crew. And then you have Ace and Luffy on their own, with a dead brother and Sanji promising they'll see each other again. But he's so heartbroken he doesn't know how he'll be able to keep going. He wants to find the All Blue for Sabo. He knows Sabo would've hated it if he had given up. Then the whole story goes on, yadda yadda Zeff yadda yadda Baratie yadda yadda Luffy and Sanji meet again yadda yadda Sanji joins the Strawhats yadda yadda they find Ace in Alabasta (and he's actually a bit jealous Luffy was the one who ended up with Sanji as his cook, but he's obviously happy for them). And maybe. Maybe something happens between Ace and Sanji. Maybe they kiss or something but I don't think they do anything else? Ace feels it is disrespectful to Sabo. He confesses he had a crush on Sanji when they were kids, and he's gorgeous now and he would love to be with him in some way, but it just feels wrong. Ace always knew Sabo and Sanji were meant to be, anyway, and Sanjii doesn't even want anything to happen, either. Yadda yadda yadda, Dressrosa. Oh, and isn't it hilarious how Sanji isn't even there. when it happens? Luffy meets Sabo. Everything follows canon. Except that Luffy has time to talk to him instead of Sabo running away quickly. And somebody mentions Sanji. Robin, maybe, and Sabo instantly goes "You did not take him with you!" but he's smiling when he says it. He wants to see him so bad. So, so bad. So he promises to visit the crew when he can. He promises he will see Sanji.

And then the end kind of follows the post I tagged about the other AU? Except that Luffy doesn't tell Sanji that Sabo is alive because he thinks he'll be happier if Sabo tells him himself when he pays a visit to them!!!

I just love childhood friends AUs,,, This is incredible. Awesome idea. I love Sabosan so much I might cry.

#they're all so silly and cute #they're adorable #sabosan living in my mind rent free #also the angst of ace pining is killing me a little i am sorry #unrequited acesan ouch #luffy your brothers are flirting with your cook again #one piece #black leg sanji #monkey d. luffy #portgas d. ace #revolutionary sabo #asl brothers #sabosan #acesan #<- unrequited but it's there

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