#aromantcism

[librarycards]

do you have any favorite books/articles/etc. on asexuality and/or aromanticism?

this is great timing, anon! @stephen-deadalus and i just recently published an article/webtext rellated to ace/aro rhetorics in a neuroqueer/transMad context. below is a link to that + another piece of mine, and some other works you should check out

First and foremost: check out Carnival of Aces and Carnival of Aros. The former was one of my main sources of info back in the day when I ID'd as ace (starting in 2012ish) and they're still going. Carnival of Aros is more recent, and their posts have been really interesting to read so far.

for articles:

[sarah] Cavar, In praise of -less: transMad shouts from absent (pl)aces (hiiiiiii)

[sarah] Cavar & ulysses c. bougie, port-man-toes: the aroace - queercrip - transmad - neuroqueer erotics of digital collaboration (hiiiiii pt. deux) [also see our references in this piece for more cites]

C. Bougie, Composing Aromanticism

Carter Vance, Unwilling Consumers: A Historical Materialist Conception of Compulsory Sexuality (h/t @queertemporality)

M. Remi Yergeau, Cassandra Isn't Doing the Robot: On Risky Rhetorics and Contagious Autism (a chapter in Yergeau's first monograph, Authoring Autism, also attends to the prefix 'demi' in compelling ways, esp. for those interested in neuroqueerness)

for books:

Twoey Gray, Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder. See my review in Feral Feminisms here, and the whole Ace & Aro Reviews Issue here.

Milks & Ceranowski, eds. Asexualities: Feminist and Queer Perspectives (the og one is out, but the 10th anniversary ed. is forthcoming this year....with a chapter by Ulysses and I again!)

Ela Przybylo, Asexual Erotics: Intimate Readings of Compulsory Sexuality

I haven't read the Ace anthology yet, so I rec with grains of salt included. But reviewers I respect have commented favorably on it, so I'm putting it here.

This list is pretty short, mostly because I wanted to keep the citations to those actually accessible for free online (apart from books). It is also because the most radical, interesting, and generative discourse happening on ace/aro subjectivity and community, at this time, is happening on Tumblr and other blogs. Genuinely. I recommend searching the ace/aro/loveless/lovequeer tags to get a sense of what is currently happening; these are the spaces where I get a lot of my information and citations, including for the published articles above. hope this helps get you started!

#not assuming you have institutional access to anything but if you see any cites you want hmu #ask #mine #book rec #asexuality #lovequeer #aromantcism #anonymous

[askanaroace]

I never had a crush in ages. So I labeled myself as aroace. But sometimes I really like some characters from books. But not in a sexual way and I'm not sure if they were real people and I would want to be a in a relationship with them. And this thought has been haunting me for ages it really confuses me. Am I still aromatic?

Yeah*! "Fictoromantic/fictosexual" exist for a reason! Because this is a not-uncommon aspec experience. Fictional characters can be a safe way for us to try and explore what these feelings are, what they mean, what it's like to experience them, etc. "These feelings" being an experience that is often far away and very confusing to us. A lot of times, trying to understand how we feel, we try to understand how others feel.

The allo experience is:

Experiencing attraction to real people fairly regularly without specific, strict conditions being met

If you're only experiencing attraction to fictional characters, only experiencing it rarely/once in a blue moon, only experiencing it in very specific circumstances...chances are that you likely don't relate to your allo peers because your experiences are very different from theirs.

*Standard disclaimer that identity is always self-chosen. It is not a diagnosis or math equation. No one can tell you how you're supposed to or have to identify. What matters is how you feel, including in regards to the labels you're choosing to describe yourself.

#asexuality #aromantcism #ace spectrum #aro spectrum #anonymous please #question #aromantic #asexual #fictosexual #fictoromantic #alloromantic #allosexual #ask

[nocturnnalex]

dances in the dark

by nocturnalex

(click to read)

Arthur knows his love is different. He has been reminded, every Valentine's, by passers-by, hand in hand, and his own wife, tears in her eyes. His love is different, and it had not been enough.

But then there's John - who he hates, and who he cannot help but love. Even if the love is the sort that people have shunned. With John, his love does not feel so much of a burden anymore, and Valentine's day has found a new meaning.

Suddenly, he knows that when the ending comes and his heart is weighed upon a scale, it will not be found lacking; there are beautiful things found within the dark. How could he be punished for wanting them?

OR a very late valentines/ just on-time aro week qprthur fic!

one shot - 10k - teen and up

note: hi! this is my first post and fic - you can find me at nocturnalex on ao3 and either alexsnocturne (alt) or leediedagain (main) on twitter!

#malevolent #malevolent podcast #arthur lester #john doe #qprthur #queer platonic relationship #aromantc #fanfiction #first post #masked

[trashbatistrash]

,

#okay video’s got hands #at least I had secure attachment style when I was still with my ex 😭 #my only downside was that I had a breakdown tackling with my aromantcism #also yo??? #my sis hates me fr 😭😭😭 #sheesh wow anxious attachment is terrible and gosh dang I hope I’m not actually like this?? #my own blood?? #et tu??? #actually yeah nah depressed me do be giving off anxious attachment vibes tbh #compartmentalising is too addictive I keep forgetting my negative sides hdhhdhd

[aro-polls]

goofy poll bc my brain isnt functioning

#aromantic #aromanticism #aro #lgbtqia #queer #poll #pollblr

[ratmans-notebooks]

also i really do not like how everyone accepts my aromantcism until i express physical desire for someone then suddenly its all "you have a crush on him," "you guys should date," "ive always shipped you two," (????!!!!!?) " youre in love/hes yoir boyfriend/etc. etc." Like. Did we forget

#squeaking #And i cant tell them to knock it off bc im .well. Disposable #and i cant stand anyone being potentially mad at me. So🖤 #Agony! Agony! #aromantic #alloaro #aroallo #arophobia

[pride-and-parresia]

I first heard about aromanticism on social media just a couple of years ago. From that moment it was a relatively short time before I realized that aromanticism was the explanation for that teenage me, unable to understand and, after all, even wanting the first strange crushes.

On the one hand I believed that my distance from romantic love was simply a character trait, on the other -as time passed- I began to wonder if I didn't have some kind of problem that prevented me from falling in love or even having a real crush.

Discovering aromantcism and feeling unreservedly welcomed under this huge green umbrella gave me tremendous relief and joy. All the pieces finally fit together and I embarked on a beautiful journey of self-discovery and awareness of the all the new ways I could relate to the world.

I still have a thousand and one questions about coming out to those who have never heard of aromanticism (the first person I attempted it with asked me why I had "made this choice") and how to deal with the low regard there is for this orientation, even within the LGBTQIA+ community.

However, today I "just" want to thank wholeheartedly people who every day, on social media and otherwise, strive to spread information about this magnificent orientation. You have changed my life.

Happy Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week to you all!!!

Be proud and green,

~A. (Pride-and-parresia)

#arospec awareness week #aspec #lgbtqia #pride #queer #aro pride #aromantic #arospec #italia #lgbtqia+ #aromantic community

[rjalker]

I am aroace. Being ace and aro are inexplicably tied together for me.

A few years ago now I made a post about how asexuality is not pedophilic, in direct response to seeing what I thought was a trusted mutual reblog a post saying, "It's important to teach kids it's okay to be gay, but it's pedophilic to teach them about asexuals" and teaching kids about it can only help them, so they know it's okay not to want to date or kiss other people.

And ever since I made that post people have been fucking getting pissy about me using "ace" and also talking about not feeling romantic attraction.

And a few years ago I did make an addition to the post apologizing.

But you fucking know what? No, I've changed my fucking mind. I'm not going to apologize for saying ace and also meaning aro.

Literally no other fucking orientation forces people to use the split attraction model, and I'm fucking tired of people acting like being ace and aro are completely disparate things that never have anything to do with the other -.-

You use the split attraction model? Cool.

Now, honestly, shut the fuck up and stop policing how other people are allowed to talk about their experiences.

People are allowed to just say "ace" and mean someone who does not want to have sex or date, or kiss, or do anything romantic either.

No, it is not fucking aromisic or acemisic for people who are both to talk about their experiences without always using the fucking split attraction model.

I usually refer to myself as aroace - but I shouldn't fucking have to. You know why I do? Because otherwise if I just call myself ace, people will ignore my aromantcism. If I just call myself aro, they ignore my asexuality.

And that is fucking unacceptable.

I am sick and fucking tired of the aspec community acting like the split attraction model is mandatory and applies to everyone, when it's fucking optional.

Fucking shit like assuming someone who says they're ace still experiences romantic attraction unless they state otherwise is literally fucking amatanormative. Someone saying they're aro and people assuming they still experience sexual attraction unless they state otherwise is literally fucking amatantormative!

Assuming that someone who says they're "ace" or "aro" still experiences the "other" form of attraction unless they state otherwise is literally amisia, by acting like people who are ace or aro need to be fucking redeemed by experiencing other forms of attraction, and they can still be fucking "shippable" and "normal".

I'm fucking tired of it.

I'm aromantic and asexual.

I should be allowed to make a post about being ace or aro without people fucking jumping down my throat about how I'm erasing people who use the split attraction model.

No other fucking sexuality or orientation treats the split attraction model as mandatory, and it's fucking amisic as shit that people in the aspec community think it's okay to do so.

Assuming I'm still redeemable or normal and am willing to date people if I say I'm ace is amisic as fucking shit.

Assuming I'm still redeemable and normal and willing to fuck people if I say I'm aro is amisic as fucking shit.

Leave aroace people alone, and stop fucking demanding people use the split attraction model.

Shit like this is why the first question out of amisics mouths when I tell them I'm ace is "okay, but who do you date?" and why they think it's okay to erase a character's orientation so they can still ship them, because "oh it's definitely ace, but romance was never mentioned!" even when the character is explicitly just as repulsed by romance as sex.

Stop fucking forcing people to use the split attraction model. Stop fucking acting like it's okay to assume someone can still be fucking redeemed by being "normal" in other ways. I'm going to rip the next amisic I see to fucking shreds, and no, fucking ace and aro people who use the split attraction model, you are not fucking exempt!

Especially because it seems like every few years there's yet another fucking form of attraction that you're assumed to experiences unless you state otherwise. "Oh you might be aroace, but you still want a QPR, right? Oh you still experience platonic attraction, right? You still want to get platonically married, right???"

How many more fucking times do I need to say no??

#aroacemisia #amisia #aromisia #acemisia #split attraction model #I've been sick of this for years and I'm even more sick of it right now #amatanormativity #aspec #aro #ace #aromantic #asexual #aromantic asexual #SAM #split-attraction model #aphobia #arophobia #acephobia #aroacephobia #gatekeeping #Queer history #Aspec history #Ace history #Aro history #this is the post I was looking for

[pvanoiia]

i have the type of aromantcism that lets me platonically love friends and family but also the love i have for them is like a thin line that leads to ambivalence when broken

[midnatt-heronweather]

MY Thoughts this Aromantic Awareness Week 1/?

Aromantic Awareness 2021 February 21st to February 27th

This will probably make no sense to anyone, but since I’ve got no prompts to fill or questions to answer this is what I’m doing.

“Some” people say you shouldn’t talk about these things, and should keep them behind closed doors, I say. Education and acceptance is more important than some stuck up tarts archaic idea of modesty...

but I do agree with moderation of information of course.

I‘ve a few talking points, I’m not going to say how many because it may be more than I originally start out with. , and as you all know I can go off on tangents.

__________________________ First I guess I should Explain the flag and what it means, because, like other LGBT pride flags the colours have meaning

>Green & light green: represent the aromantic spectrum,aromanticism (represented by green); covers all arospec identities (aro, gray aro, lith/akoi, cupio, quoiro, idem, demi, fray, caed, requis, arovague, and others)

>White: for all the nonromantic forms of love and attraction; friendship/platonic, aesthetic, sexual, sensual, emotional, mental, QP relationships, family, you name it [Alternatively some designs include yellow for this, though personally I avoid yellow for visibility sensitivity]

>Gray & black: for the sexuality spectrum, covering arospec acespecs (asexual spectrum ppl) as well as arospec allosexuals __________________________________________________________

1b of this blog deals with an important subject Discovery - basically its a ramble of an attempt to explain how I know I’m Aromantic Asexual   Rather than being specifically dedicated to the Aromantic side of my Identity this one’s a mixed answer because it covers both Asexuality and Aromanticism as it regards to me: So - I see and hear a lot of people ask “how did you discover you were “<Insert sexual identity here>” and I‘ve listened to a lot of AroAce people give their answers which always seem to sound deep.. Well, make my own seem rather pedestrian; decide for yourself, this here’s my answer:

The truth with me is frankly... I didn’t “discover” anything apart from the term itself; I’ve always been this way. Oh yeah, I went through phases trying to make sense of why I didn’t fit the social norm of being a sex mad teen or even slightly interested and not repulsed by the whole thing I asked the questions “am I gay?” “ Am I wired wrong?” Etc. But it’s all the same because it was just... me.

Of course ‘society’ has had its opinions, for years people called me frigid, told me ‘god’ wouldn’t let a creature like me be ‘happy’, because I was... i don’t know, Pagan/fat/geeky/ somewhere in the LGBT rainbow take your pick as to what “creature” referred to, i don’t delve into the small minds of backwards northerners anymore, its a bog of stench. Another thing I was frequently told was that I pretended not to want something because I knew I was too ugly/fat/repulsive to get “it”. Which given what happened to me on my 18th makes me laugh ironically. But anyway...

I formed my own explanation, either just to wave a geek flag or because it was one of their insults -   I’d get called alien (originality was not something that was encouraged at my school as you can tell), so I came up with calling myself Vulcan, with the lack of emotional response and distaste for social norms it ft me

I’ve never “wanted” romance, and the idea of physical contact makes my skin crawl (literally and figuratively) Sometimes I’d stop and ask myself if I’d felt  ‘feelings’ for someone.. Like the books described or like my favourite characters on TV?  That... butterfly ‘love at first sight’ heart racing at the sight of another person, but th answer was always no. I even asked the few people in my life I looked up to, to describe “love” (still do sometimes, but that’s more fic research stuff) and it never registered with me which has never bothered me more than a passing itch would.

I was/ am me and there was nothing I could do about it, and as that was the only way I’d ever known it was/is natural to me. back to the ‘discovery’ part of this rant/blog: I can’t really separate discovering Aromantic or Asexual as terms, and tbf I can’t really say for certain when either clicked into place. As with most important things I discovered I wasn’t alone or an ‘abnormality of nature’ through a hell of a lot of research.

I was in university, going to my first few (good) conventions, and I felt surer, of myself I guess, as cheesy as that sounds. this was when I was around 25 Ironically for me this was not that long after after I’d met Ally Dark fairy goth sister lady that she is and started actually finding reasons to like and trust .. anyone really, and shortly after this we met Heather and I discovered among the other things we shared, she was Asexual too, but she’s... i think the term is actually allo-Romantic, she’s interested in that sort of stuff, loves a good romance story, and all the mush attached  

I’m still defining the parameters of me, as we all do, people change throughout their lives no one stays precisely the same but. I AM Aromantic Asexual and that is one thing that I am quite happy to say will never change.

The Uk as far as I’m concerned doesn’t recognise Aromantic or Asexual people enough, not that the rest of the world does either, because we don’t stand out as far as their concerned, (well. Most don’t ;) ) but we exist, we are valid and despite what some would have you believe we do count in the LGBTQIA and that is my “discovery” rant/blog/ ASAW day 1 post

#ASAW2021 #Aromantic #asexual #aroace #lgbtqia #pride #self #discovery #flag #aromantic flag #aromantcism #rant #blog #thoughts

[aro-culture-is]

aro culture is using the word "love" all the time because you've created your own meaning for the word, but then feeling really weird when people say they love you because their definition of love is definitely different

.

#aro culture is #aro #aromantic #actually aro #actually aromantc #ask #mod kee

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

A-spec people who make jokes about their orientaiton or experiences are hilarious.

#ace positivity #aro positivity #asexual #aromantc #actually asexual

[askanaroace]

Lonelieness

Lonelieness is a weird feeling. Sometimes i think it seems like a great big visible separation and sadness, other times it is empty, invisible and hurtful.

I am aromantic asexual, and i feel lonlieness in my identity in lots of ways. My friends know about my identity as of recent, however i have found that them knowing has not helped me to feel not so isolated. Because of the lack of aroace awareness, they barely know what the words mean and even then we simply cannot relate. This means i feel even more alone as i cannot express myself without explaining and having questions about everything.

Additionally, i have never met an aroace person in the wild. I have seen great ace pride at events, which is great, but the lack of any aro celebration was scary. I felt anxious at pride for some of the time, knowing that the aro identity was not recognised amongst every flag, as i never saw others who shared my identity. Perhaps if some had, i might have even gone up to them and say how cool it was to meet a fellow aro.

Being lonely makes me feel anxious and cold. I think that in the future, in order to combat this, i will try to find more aro and ace groups in my area to maybe meet up with. Having a queerplatonic partner seem nice as well, someone you can empathise and share a deep bond with is great, and i hope that one day this can happen to me.

:)

-phoebefrog

#asexuality #aromantcism #submission #aromantic #aro #aro spectrum #aroace #carnival of aros #carnival of aros: loneliness #loneliness #asexual #ace spectrum #phoebefrog #community #thanks for your submission! #good luck finding community

[dragonheartetk]

QPR Day

We should have a day dedicated to QPRs! When would be a good time for this? I feel like I’d like it to be outside of the month of February, and I’d like to avoid Friendship Day since that’s a separate thing. Any thoughts?

#aro #aromantc #QPR #queerplatonic relationship

[avoca-do-i-look-like-i-care]

PSA

asexuality does not mean you don’t feel romantic attraction asexuality does not mean you don’t like boys or girls asexuality does not mean you don’t date people asexuality literally means that you don’t feel sexual attraction aromantic means you don’t feel romantic attraction aromantic does not mean you don’t date aromantic does not mean you don’t have sex aromantic means you do not feel romantic attraction

thank you for coming to my TedTalk

#asexuality #aromantc #guys #please get these sexualities strait #you are making me so mad #by messing them up #asexuals don't feel attraction??? #false???????? #asexuals will date you #and cuddle the shit out of you #and treat you like fucking royalty #stop erasing that part of them #thank you

[thesacredtwink]

Alright, I'm still not back from hiatus but I have been keeping an eye on Tumblr while I've been gone, and in light of everything that went down this past week I thought I would make an official statement.

I do not tolerate homophobia. I am a trans bi-aromantc asexual. I have faced biphobia, aphobia and transphobia. I do not permit these things into my life.

What I do understand are mistakes.

And this past week has seen the biggest and worst mistake I have ever witnessed in all my years on Tumblr by people who are genuinely trying to be supportive. I also understand that mistake or not, people have been hurt —myself included— and in some cases deeply.

But, after speaking with Ketto and the others involved, I have determined that this was not the intention, and using my personal judgement I have decided to continue interacting with them all. They have expressed to me in private genuine apologies and remorse, and in a few cases the desire to learn.

Before anyone accuses me of perpetuating the very thing that lead to the death of the ace community here on Tumblr, I want to make one thing very clear. I have been on Tumblr in one blog or another since 2012. I ran an ace positive blog back in 2015, and I was one of the casualties of what happened then.

Do not cite the deep magic to me, I was there when it was destroyed. And I have made my decision with the memories of that time firmly in mind.

This being said, I know that others have come to their own judgements and paths forward, and that these include drawing hard boundaries. To everyone who has made these boundaries: I support you 100%. Your anger and hurt are justified, and should your boundaries be crossed for any reason please let me know. I will stand and fight with you. I do not anticipate ever needing to do so, as no one involved has ever given me the impression that they would violate anyone's requests in such a way. But I am only human, and I can only hope that this is not one of the times where I judged people incorrectly.

If anyone feels the need to talk, my dms are open. Asks will remain closed at this time because as much as I love all y'all, this is Tumblr and I know that this post will generate anger, so why bother with anon hate, yeah?

I understand that my personal decision to continue to interact and support all involved won't sit well with everyone. I do not ask for support in my decision, though it would be nice, just that you respect it. If, after reading this, you are not comfortable interacting with me or my blogs, I understand. You will be missed, but I will not stop you.

In addition to this, I have realized just how many baby gays and allies I know. For that reason, I have made a new side blog: @lgbtq-n-a

I intend this blog to be a little slice of the environment I remember Tumblr being back before the aphobia cause a massive retreat of all but the most extreme in the LGBT community blogs. This blog is a place where baby gays and allies and veterans alike can come, ask questions (yes, even the offense ones), learn the history, and be a part of the community. Mistakes are welcome, hate is not and anyone who thinks they will receive a sympathetic ear will have their tongues bitten off if they get too close.

Love you all, so so much. And I hope that together we can get through this.

#not loz #homophobia #aphobia #biphobia #transphobia #homophobia tw #aphobia tw #biphobia tw #nick speaks #tumblr family #i will not apologize for my stance in this nor will i allow myself to be made a communal scape goat #i am here for anyone who wants to talk or who needs a shoulder