#angstober 2023

[pellucid-constellations]

angstober (4)

Prompt: "Just Breathe"

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

A/n: More angst!! I appreciate all the support for these little drabbles sooooo much!!

angstober masterlist here ♡

~~~

“Come on. Come on!” 

Bucky was panicking. 

How had you fallen so fast? So suddenly? 

One moment you were beside him, the next you were mixed between cracked concrete and metal pipes—falling, falling, falling. Who knew bridges were so unreliable?

“Wake up, sweetheart. Come on, please,” he pleaded. Begged. His hands kept moving, kept pushing life into your chest as tears mixed with the saltwater on his cheeks. “You don’t get to leave me.” 

Steve was somewhere near the shore, fighting off whatever creature had blown up the bridge. And thank god for Steve, because Bucky would sooner let the creature from space eat him before he left you. Before he let you die. 

In some cynical, self-hating part of his brain, Bucky registered that you were already dead. 

He pumped his arms more steadily, applying more pressure, willing your heart to start beating. You weren’t dead. You weren’t. Because if you were gone… well, Bucky felt the repercussions of such a thing as he stared down at your waning, wet skin. Your lips were turning an unnatural shade and Bucky felt the reality, this reality, sink into his very bones. 

Sand bit into his knees where the torn material of his pants failed him, but Bucky felt it like lidocaine had been injected right to the site. A sob wracked his chest, almost crippling him as he gave his breath to you, and Bucky decided right then and there that nothing in his life had compared to this. 

The way your body moved was making him sick. You only budged when he forced the motion into your limbs, your neck only turned when he tilted it up to try and save you. 

This was awful, unimaginable. 

“I love you,” he whispered, shaking hands coming to brush the hair from your forehead. You hated when it fell into your eyes. “I love you, honey. Please.” 

His words broke, so Bucky kissed your skin instead. Your cheek, your neck, your shoulder—he kissed you to quell the unevenness of his own breath, and then he restarted compressions. 

“You can’t—” he struggled. “—you can’t let a little water take you out. I love you so much, it doesn’t work like that.” 

But, in real life, it did work like that. 

There was nothing supernatural pumping in your veins. You were human, breakable, and while Bucky was used to this truth, he had never felt it as strongly as he did in this moment. 

Somewhere, Steve called his name. 

Bucky was only listening for one sound, and it wasn’t Steve. 

Grief invaded the deepest parts of him, and it was slowing him down. Bucky never felt slow. Bucky was a machine. He could fix things and make them right. He had strength and invincibility and power.

Bucky could fix you, too. He could make you right. 

Couldn’t he? 

His crying had turned unintelligible, just small words lost between tears and gasping breaths. You’d cried like this one time. Right now, Bucky couldn’t remember why, but he’d held you and told you he’d never leave you. He’d run gentle fingers across your temple and stayed awake when you fell into a fitful sleep. 

Bucky was alone as he cried. 

“I can’t do this without you. I can’t.”

You coughed. It started small and then grew into a hacking, choking sound. Bucky startled, took a split second to watch the way your chest moved on its own, and then he pulled you forward with vigor. Your chin slotted over his shoulder and his hand made an imprint in the wet material at your back. 

“Hey, hey,” he breathed, shaky and softer than he had ever spoken. “Just breathe. You’re okay. Breathe, I got you.” 

Your fingers curled into his shirt, ripping at velcro and kevlar as you fought for air. Bucky held you through it, pressed his nose to the warming skin of your head and rocked the two of you without realizing it. Grief was still pounding in his bones. He wasn’t sure if that would go away anytime soon. If the weight of you being dead was ever going to leave him, even as you sat in his arms and choked out breaths. 

“Bucky,” you eventually wheezed out, pulling back from his grasp. “I—” 

“Shhh,” he hushed. Because as much as he wanted to hear you speak, hear proof that you were lucid and knew him and loved him, you were struggling. “Don’t try to talk. You’re okay. You’re okay, right?”

It sounded like a question no one could answer. 

But you nodded, and Bucky pulled you back into his chest. “Just breathe, baby. You’re okay.”

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes #bucky barnes reader insert #angstober 2023 #day 20

[angstober]

Welcome to another year of Angstober! We're delighted to unveil the prompts for this year of angsty, spooky fun.

What is Angstober?

Angstober is a yearly October challenge with 31 angst-themed prompts to inspire you to create. The challenge is open to all sorts of creative work - writing, art, edits, whatever you want - in whatever medium you want. Original work or fanworks? Whatever you feel inspired for!

How do I take part?

Tag your works with #angstober2023 and the day of the prompt (e.g., #day 01) to share on tumblr. Feel free to @ us directly in the post as well! To share your work on AO3, add it to the Angstober 2023 collection.

You can post your works whenever - early or late - and use as many or as few prompts as you feel inspired for! We'll do our best to reblog as many works to the @angstober blog as we can.

Is there a banner to post my work with?

Absolutely!

Anything else?

Nope. Happy Angsting!

Angstober 2023 Prompt List:

Honorbound

Anxiety

A Dangerous Gamble

"I want to believe you."

Dried and Cracked

"What's wrong?"

Attacked

Dark Days

The Catch

Can't Go Home

Beyond Recognition

On Your Own

From Childhood

What You Swore To Destroy

Lessons in Failure

Wake Up Call

Weakness

"But I love you."

Look Away

Just Breathe

Can't Save Everyone

Grasp

Crimes of Passion

Taught You Better

Tired of Fighting

The Day I Lost You

System Collapse

Face the Consequences

Almost

Full Circle

Won't Forget

#angstober #angstober 2023 #angstober2023 #writing challenge #october 2023 #art challenge #prompts #it's time! it's happening! #text under cut

[janirah]

Can't stop shaking

After all this time, N still has terrible nightmares where he is tied up, can't move, about shadows with sharp scalpels, about how he begs to stop.

#the stanley parable #tsp narrator #tsp stanley #half life parable #stanarrator #angstober 2023

[onceuponastory]

the day i lost you - bucky barnes x reader

Still remember how you taste Somewhere in the bitter and the sweet dream Do you think of me standing in a summer haze? When we were gonna be okay? - january rain by PVRIS

Plot: In the aftermath of The Blip and her boyfriend Bucky turning to dust, Y/N finds a voicemail from him... sent the day she lost him. Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader Warnings: Mentions of death, or at least Bucky is presumed dead (obviously we know Bucky isn't dead but we all thought he was after Infinity War, let's be honest) and grief. And of course, some angst. But as always, if I miss any triggers, please let me know. Notes: This is for @whumptober Day 24. I used the prompt: "Goodbye Note". I also combined it with the @angstober "The Day I Lost You" prompt. I was once again sad and listening to PVRIS as I wrote this, so now you can be too :)

Not beta'd, so any mistakes are my own.

Stepping over the threshold into her apartment, Y/N drops her bags to the floor with a tired groan. The rain still pounds down outside, the sound echoing through the building. As a personal assistant to Tony Stark himself, Y/N’s working life is extremely busy. And since The Blip, she’s busier than ever, constantly being pulled into meetings with little time for herself. For the past few weeks, she’s been away at a conference with the surviving Avengers, working on a solution to The Blip. This is the first time she’s had to breathe in about a year. And that also means it’s the first time she’s been home since it all happened, since her boyfriend and some of her best friends turned to dust.

And she’s never felt so alone.

Of course, Y/N knows that dating an Avenger, let alone the Winter Soldier himself, comes with its own risk. Especially the risk he may never come home. But although it’s always been at the back of her mind, seeping into her every thought whilst he’s away on a mission… Bucky came back safe so many times that the worry dissipated. Foolishly, she believed he was indestructible, and that he’d always come home to her.

Until he didn’t.

Tears spring at her eyes then, and she furiously tries to wipe them away. She’s done enough grieving over the last year. Enough hoping that he’s coming back, only to end up disappointed. There’s only so much pain you can take before you can’t go on anymore. And Y/N crossed that line a long time ago.

The red light on her answering machine blinks back at her, and she sighs, rubbing her temples and closing her eyes, hoping that when she opens them, the light will be gone. But no matter how hard she tries, it’s still there, and she groans. The last thing she wants to hear right now is more “I’m sorry to hear about Bucky” and “We understand how much it hurts, but he’s in our thoughts.” Nobody will ever understand how much it hurts. Even the other Avengers. 

Because Bucky isn’t just in her thoughts. He’s everywhere. He still occupies the empty space in her bed, his laughter still fills the halls, his singing echoing from the shower. He’s the whisper in the wind, the faint scent of his cologne whenever she enters a room, and that still clings to her clothing like a safety blanket. He’s the shiver up her spine, the faint feeling of a hand holding hers, an arm wrapped around her waist.

It’s like he never even left.

Y/N presses the button, bracing herself for the onslaught of messages to come. “Hey sweetheart. It’s me-” As soon as she hears her mother’s voice, Y/N deletes the message. She’ll deal with her and her incessant questions later. She means well, of course, they all do. But the last thing she wants is to be pestered, reminded of her pain over and over again. They may mean well, but there’s nothing they can do. There’s nothing anyone can do. The other message is boring, a message about her car’s extended warranty that gets deleted almost immediately.

But when she hears the voice in the next message, she collapses to her knees. “Hey doll.” Bucky speaks. It's the first time she’s heard his voice - actually heard it - since he left. As soon as she hears him speak, she can see the smile on his face, and hear the laughter in his tone. Her presence always brought a smile to Bucky's face, even on his worst days. Because he loves her. …Loved her.

Hearing Bucky’s voice again, so soon after losing him, causes all her pent-up emotions to erupt, a year's worth of pain spilling over. As the first of her sobs break through, Bucky’s voice continues. “Just checking in to see how you are and keep you updated. Steve and the others are here…”

“Why didn’t I answer the call? I could’ve stopped them!”

“... and we have a game plan now to stop this asshole. Before you know it, I’ll be back home in New York with you, my favourite girl.” Her chest heaves, and she sobs even harder. “I miss you so much, though. The guys keep pestering me about it, but I don’t care. I love you, Y/N, and I want the entire world to know.” That sends her over the edge. A painful, anguished wail rips through her, the sound filling the room. Y/N’s full body shakes, and she clutches at her chest. “I hope you’re doing well and staying out of trouble.” Bucky chuckles. “Keep me updated. But I’ll see you soon enough, anyway.” 

“Why didn’t I answer? Why didn’t I answer?!”

“I better go, Steve’s shouting at me. Think the mission is about to start.” 

Y/N sits up, trying to grab the phone to dial Bucky’s number and tell him she’s still here, that she still loves him. Hoping that he’s there on the other side, waiting for her.

“Bye doll. See you soon. Love you always.” And then, the line goes dead, the dull beeping noise going right through her. Picking up the phone, she dials Bucky’s number, holding it to her ear as her heart pounds.

“Please… please…” she begs. "Just answer me Bucky... please."

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

“Hey! This is Bucky. I can’t talk right now, and I don’t really know how these things work.” He chuckles, the sound forming a small glimpse of warmth in her belly, and Y/N even laughs softly too. She was there when he recorded that message, her best efforts to teach him the wonders modern technology still not sinking in. Not that it matters now, though. None of it does. She just wants him back. “So I guess if you leave a message, I’ll call you back?”

And he always called her back. Even if it was a day, a week or even a month late. Bucky always called her back. But he won’t call back. Not this time. 

She tries to speak, to say something, anything, to Bucky's voicemail. If there's even a chance he could hear it, she wants him to know how much she loves him, and how much she misses him. Yet she can't say anything through her tears.

When the call disconnects, Y/N sinks to her knees, huddling into a ball as the sobs rack through her entire body. 

She’s alone again. 

And she always will be.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

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#whumptober2023 #no.24 #angstober 2023 #day 26 #goodbye note #bucky barnes #marvel cinematic universe #fanfiction #death tw #grief tw #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #bucky x female reader #bucky x y/n #bucky x you #bucky x reader #bucky fic #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky fanfic #bucky imagine #bucky fanfiction #marvel oneshot #marvel fanfiction #marvel fanfic #fanfic #bucky oneshot #bucky one shot #bucky barnes oneshot

[holylulusworld]

Kinktober vs Flufftober 2023

Like in 2019, 2020, 2021 & 2022, I will post a kinky, fluffy, angsty or scary one-shot from October 1st till October 31st, 2023.

Please consider none of the stories are available until the set release date. Titles may change (all titles are working titles until the release date.). The release date may change at any time.

ANGST/SMUT/FLUFF

October 1st: Forbidden Lust (2) sequel to Forbidden Lust

Pairing: Stepdad!Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader

Kink: Homewrecker kink

Requested by: @jayyyyyyy-stuff

October 2nd: Rekindle

Pairing: Chubby!Thor Odinson x Exgirlfriend!Reader

Trope: Reunion

October 3rd: Very tight places sequel to Cramped & Tight places

Pairing: Soulless!Sam x fem!Reader

Kink: Claustrophilia

October 4th: Footloose

Pairing: Loki Laufeyson x fem!Reader

Trope: Enemies to lovers

October 5th: Serve your Soldier

Pairing: Soldier Boy x fem!Reader

Kink: Collars

October 6th: Falling leaves

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Trope: Sunny vs grumpy

October 7th: Blaze of glory

Pairing: Dean Winchester x fem!Reader

Kink: Glad-to-Be-Alive Sex/Victory sex

October 8th: Two Bikes (1)

Pairing: Jax Teller x fem!Reader; Biker!Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader

Trope: Angst

October 9th: Golden Retriever

Pairing: Jake Jensen x Reader

Kink: Crops / Spanking

Idea by: anon

October 10th: One autumn night

Pairing: Alpha!Dean Winchester x Omega!Reader

Trope: a/b/o

Idea by: anon

October 11th: I'm the best

Pairing: Tony Stark x Reader

Kink: Breeding kink

Idea by: anon

October 12th: Breathless sequel to Take my breath away

Pairing: CEO!Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader

Trope: Secret crush

October 13th: One Summer night

Pairing: Cultleader!Thor Odinson

Kink: Sex Cult

October 14th: Snuggle time

Pairing: Lee Bodecker x Plussized!Reader

Trope: Cuddling & snuggling

Idea by: anon

October 15th: The cabin in the woods

Pairing: Winter Soldier x fem!Reader

Kink/Trope: Choking

October 16th: Not in my car

Pairing: Sam Winchester x fem!Reader

Trope: Love confessions

Requested by: @dawn-petrichor-world

October 17th: Backpack

Pairing: Jax Teller x fem!Reader

Kink: Thigh riding

Idea by: @dawn-petrichor-world

October 18th: Sex you up

Pairing: Henry Cavill x Chubby!Reader

Kink: Size kink

Idea by: @sultryfandoms

October 19th: Fulfilment

Pairing: Dean Winchester x fem!Reader

Trope: Pregnancy

Idea by: @elle14-blog1

October 20th: Triad (1)

Pairing: Omega!Stucky x Alpha!Reader

Kink: Dom / Sub

Idea by: anon

October 21st: Autumnal love

Pairing: Thor Odinson x fem!Reader

Trope: Carving pumpkins

Idea by: anon

October 22nd: Unwanted Mate (Bucky's version)

Pairing: Alpha!Stucky x Omega!Reader

Kink: Threesome

October 23rd: Rescue you

Pairing: Jax Teller x fem!Reader

Trope: Rescue romance

Idea by: @dawn-petrichor-world

October 24th: Right there

Pairing: Soldier Boy x Reader

Kink: Pegging

Idea by: @flory-alexandra

October 25th: Deepest love

Pairing: Dean Winchester x fem!Reader

Trope: Friends to lovers

Idea by: @elle14-blog1

October 26th: Demon knife

Pairing: Dean Winchester x fem!Reader

Trope: Friends to enemies

October 27th: Sunrise sequel to Beyond the soldier & After the eclipse

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader

Kink/Trope: Quirofilia/Nursed Back to Health

Requested by: @clarinette07

October 28th: Naughty School Adventures (1)

Pairing: Janitor!Sam Winchester x Teacher!Reader x Gymteacher!Dean Winchester

Kink: Cucking

Idea by: @moosekateer13

October 29th: Unwanted Mate (Steve's version)

Pairing: Alpha!Steve x Omega!Reader

Trope: Unrequited feelings

October 30th: Taped on video

Pairing: J3 x fem!Reader

Kink: BDSM

Requested by @moosekateer13

Halloween Specials: ANGST/SMUT/HORROR

October 31st: The past always catches up

Pairing: Winter Soldier x former Hydra!(fem) Reader

Trope: Villain Reader

October 31st: Dreams of sharp teeth

Pairing: Werewolf!Walter Marshall x fem!Reader x Werewolf!August Walker

Trope: Monster AU

Find all other Bingos and Special Events here: Special Events

#dean winchester #sam winchester #steve rogers #bucky barnes #marvel #supernatural #kinktober 2023 #flufftober 2023 #angstober 2023

[tippenfunkaport]

One of the She-Ra servers I'm in is doing another redraw event, this time to to redraw a scene from Nightmare Before Christmas with a spooky SPOP twist and since today is Queen Angella's birthday, this seemed like a fitting day to share the little thing I made for it inspired by the @angstober prompt, "Can't Go Home."

Full image below...

And, of course, the original...

#queen angella #nightmare before christmas #angstober 2023 #angstober #spop #shera #she ra #adora #catra #glimmer #bow #angella #fanart #tippen attempts art #i seriously made this in about half an hour and most of that was spend trying to figure out how to make the bfs not wash angella out #angst

[221beloved]

Brief warning:

Mentions of past drug use, violence and... things that lead to bad dreams.

"I want to believe you"

Exiting his bedroom in the morning, Sherlock rubbed his eyes and ran his hands through his hair. He'd never had nightmares before. But now, how couldn't he? He dreamed about falling, falling and falling, with nothing but bare tarmac as destination. He dreamed about cold and lonely nights in the dark, hunts through the forest, about aiming a gun at humans, about being tortured. He dreamed about John, hating him, beating him, wishing he would've stayed dead. He dreamed about being shot by a woman in a white dress, about the same woman lying dead in front of him. He dreamed about John. How was he supposed to sleep through the night?

As he entered the kitchen, he found John sitting at the table, reading the papers, a cup of tea to his left. Sherlock froze and stared at John, bewilderment radiating from him. John looked up. “Hi,” he smiled a little sheepishly. “Thought I would drop by, it's been a long time...” Sherlock just nodded. “Rosie is with Mrs Hudson, they both seemed very happy to see each other again.” Sherlock thought about his own desperate wish to see little Watson again, to follow the rising of intelligence in her deep blue eyes, to see her smile, to hear her unintelligible babbling, the little outbursts of first English words, but John was still reluctant to bring her up. He nodded again and made his way to the counter to finally get his tea, when John's hand suddenly grasped his wrist. “Sherlock?” John looked concerned, but it was nothing like the concern he displayed before. Before the nightmares began. “Are you alright, Sherlock?”

Sherlock pulled his hand from John's grasp and continued his way. “Yes John, I'm fine.” While filling the kettle and pulling out a bag of tea, he could still feel Johns eyes on him. “Are you sure?” John confirmed this just a few moments later. Sherlock sighed, but didn't turn to John. “Yes, I'm fine. Perfectly fine.” He could hear the scrape of the chair as John came to his feet. “You don't seem so,” he pressed further. Sherlock leaned on the counter and closed his eyes. “Just a bit tired, that's all.” John huffed a laugh. “You are never tired, Sherlock. Even when you are seconds from passing out, you never say you're tired!” Maybe before, Sherlock thought. Maybe that was the case, before. Before he flung himself from a rooftop. But John interrupted his thoughts. “Have you taken something?”

The words struck Sherlock like a blow. He swallowed and took a deep breath. “No,” he said without looking up. “Sherlock, look at me, have you, taken something?” John's voice was grave and urgent. Slowly, Sherlock lifted his head. “No, I have not taken something, I thought we -” but John interrupted him yet again, his restraint fading, his temper rising. “Did you look in the mirror today? Your eyes are red, your shadows could be tattoos, your cheeks are hollow and -”

“I told you, I am clean!” Sherlock tried to break Johns accusations, but he just looked Sherlock up and down and motioned at his hands. “You're trembling,” he pointed out, as if this was the final proof. Sherlock felt something snap and all his fuses blow, his resignation and frustration morphing into burning fury and he turned to glare at John. “You want to see it?” he hissed through gritted teeth. “Do you want to examine me? Search for new scars of weakness and desire?” John had taken a step back due to this outburst, but now he crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Well?” And that was it. His vision went white in anger, as he tore his shirt off his body and threw it to the ground. He violently kicked his trousers off his legs, remaining only in his boxer briefs, breathing heavily and staring at John, daring him to come closer. John unfolded his arms and stepped in front of Sherlock, took his hand and lifted his arm, brushed his thumbs over the old scars in the crook of Sherlocks elbow. It hurt. This step, this decision of John to check his body for new scars, his decision not to trust him, not even with this, it hurt. It ached, it made him feel like his skin was ripped from his body, like he was burned alive. Now he started to shudder in earnest, he felt sick, his vision blurred and it became difficult to breathe. He took a trembling step back, away from John, disbelief and hurt washing over him. Another step back, his gaze fixed on the floor. “I... I want to believe you,” John said in a low voice. Sherlocks eyes snapped up. “Do you?” he asked, his voice hoarse but flat, cleared of every emotion. “Do you really, John? Do you really want to believe me?” In the end he couldn't prevent his tired disbelief and resignation from showing in his voice. He picked up his shirt and pyjama bottoms and turned to go back to the dark and silence of his room. “Sherlock...” John called out, his voice almost pleading. Almost. “Not -” Sherlock tried, cleared his throat. “Not now, John, please. I need some time. Just...” He took a deep breath. “Please.” John stared at him, his face displaying opposing emotions, but he said nothing more, so Sherlock turned and closed the door behind him.

Text me your tag preferences

@angstober

@holmesianlove @missdeliadili @kettykika78 @topsyturvy-turtely @safedistancefrombeingsmart @blogstandbygo @7-percent @a-victorian-girl

#angstober 2023 #day 04 #sherlock fanfic #bbc sherlock #sherlock holmes #john watson

[sakshisahu]

Captured, Tortured!

& Fighting Sherlock !

#sherlock fandom #bbc sherlock #sherlock holmes #sherlock bbc #benedict cumberbatch #the reichenbach fall #a snippet from Sherlock's time away #sherlockedit #sherlock fan #fighter Sherlock #angstober 2023

[itsswritten]

But I love you

Prompt: “But I love you”

Pairing: bucky x reader

Word count: 700+

Summary: Sometimes love isn’t enough :(

A/n: This is a one-shot for an angstober prompt. My first time posting, please be nice I haven’t written anything in years. So let me know what you think 💭 and constructive criticism is welcome! If you would like me to write anything else, send me a message 🫶🏻

“But I love you” Bucky spoke, voice breaking as he looked down at his hands.

You were both sat beside each other on the sofas in the common area of the compound. Bucky hadn’t looked at you for the entire conversation, you were glad he hadn’t. You weren’t so sure you could do this if you had to look into his all-consuming blue eyes. His leg was barely touching yours and it took all your strength to not press yours against him, into that familiar warmth of his body.

“That’s the problem Jamie” you broke, wiping the tears that were already falling.

You smiled as you spoke, smiling at the sheer ridiculousness of the situation. How could loving someone be the reason why it hand to end? But it wasn’t just love, it’s was unwavering obsession, a blind infatuation, blazing dependency that entangled you both.

Addiction. You were addicted to one another. But every addict had a dealer, someone who would encourage your bad habits even though they were wrong. You enabled the darkest parts of one another, forgave each other for things that weren’t your place to forgive.

You and Bucky had met at the wrong time. Too early in your healing journeys. Two broken people finding solace within the cracks of one another. Rose tinted glasses hiding the shadows that lurked only just below the skin.

You had plenty of baggage, trauma to unpack and wrongs to right. When you first joined the Avengers you thought that maybe this would be your redemption. Your chance to change things, prove to people that you weren’t the monster that Hydra made you to be. It was supposed to be the same for Bucky too. But fighting a few bad guys doesn’t erase the past, and it certainly doesn’t erase the damage in your minds.

And although you were there to comfort one another after the nightmares and panic attacks…sometimes you fed each other a delusion. Helped one another avoid the truth of your realities. The reality being that you both needed help and time to heal.

“You love me so much…so much so that you put me on this unrealistic pedestal.” You raised your hands up in the air as you looked up “you think I’m a saint, that I’m perfect-”

“But you are perfect…perfect for me” he argued back, finally lifting those blue eyes to yours. Tears brimmed the edges of his eyes. He didn’t understand, couldn’t wrap his head around what was happening. He had finally found someone who understood him, someone who mirrored every part of him.

It was around a year after Bucky had joined the Avengers that they found you. Perfectly stored on ice in a forgotten Hydra facility. Your story was very similar to his own and you both quickly bonded over your traumas.

“Baby please I can’t lose you…” Bucky choked out. He’d moved onto his knees in front you, arm wrapping round your waist and flesh hand caressing your cheek. He would beg and beg if he had to. He needed you. “I can’t do this… without you”

“But that’s the thing Bucky, I know that you can” you rested your hand on his, your thumb rubbing gently while you ran you hand through the ends of this hair.

“You are so much stronger than you think, and right now I’m holding you back” you nodded as if to reassure yourself what you were saying was true. “We’re holding each other back”

You both had some healing to do, and that needed to be done alone.

﹏

You and Bucky had stayed tangled in each others arms the rest of that night, sharing final kisses and soft whispers. Promises of reconnection once you had both healed.

That was the thing though, your healing took you both to different places. Despite you both learning to accept and forgive the darkest parts of yourself, your outcomes were very different. A year on you were ready to rekindle with your love, your Jamie being on your mind everyday since your departure.

But Bucky…he felt different. It took him a long time to finally accept himself and he found comfort in the idea leading a simple life with a simple love.

The reality sunk in when he saw you. You were a mirror of him completely, the good and bad. And as much as he had grown to accept his own reflection, you weren’t going to give him a simple love.

“But I love you” you muttered, staring up at the man you thought you knew. His hair was short now, and his blue eyes held a sadness within them.

Love wasn’t enough.

#bucky x female reader #bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #bucky x you #bucky barnes #angstober 2023 #angst #angstober #bucky angst #Bucky barnes angst

[pls-takethepenaway]

philophobia

I wrote this in 20 minutes and it's bad but i just wanted to write something. This man is constantly on my mind and i swear i have better things to write about him. anyways idk how to write or use tumblr, enjoy!

Two years, five months. That’s how long you had been a part of task force 141. In those two years you had bled, cried, laughed and fought beside your team. You were an unstoppable force, prepared for anything as long as you did it together. Although you could never say it, they were family. You felt as if the bond you shared between each other was unbreakable, no matter who or what tried to rip it apart. 

Ghost first came to your room in the middle of the night after a year of working beside him. After a night spent together, he quietly showed up at your door a lot more. Twice a week turned into every night. Every night you weren’t on a mission, he was knocking on your door and quickly letting himself in. 

A way to relieve stress turned into something more, a comfort shared privately between your bodies lying next to each other. It had turned into cheeky flirting on missions, longing glances in boring meetings, private jokes conveyed through a quirk of his eyebrow, hushed conversations in the dark. He went from just a teammate to someone you could bare your soul to and only feel warmth. Somewhere along the way it turned into love. 

Well at least you thought it had, but the words he had spoken with such confidence were fresh in your mind.

“I can’t fall in love with you. I don’t want all the pain that comes with it.”

He walked out on you after that, leaving you to stand there. 

The comfort you always felt around your family quickly disappeared along with Ghost. The whole team could see something had shifted in you, but didn’t comment. After three days, he reappeared without explanation. 

Every single time you tried to approach him, he shut you down. He refused to even look at you. After weeks, you gave up. Going back to hums and nods, his cold voice only reaching your ears to give orders. There were no more quiet knocks on your door and the slow scrape of his shoes moving towards your bed. 

You went back to strangers.  

#simon ghost riley #cod mw2 #ghost cod #cod x reader #simon riley x reader #call of duty #cod modern warfare #modern warfare 2 #soap mactavish #simon ghost riley x reader #simon ghost riley x you #angst #angst with no happy ending #angstober 2023 #fanfic #fanfiction #gaz cod #task force 141 #call of duty x reader #task force 141 x reader

[pellucid-constellations]

angstober (2)

Prompt: "I want to believe you"

Pairing: college!athlete bucky x reader

A/n: This is the day four prompt so that I'm sorta following the timeline 😅 Enjoy more angst ♡

~~~

He was staring at you, eyes beseeching you for an ending you had no ability to provide. The phone—the awful, wretched thing—was still pressed to the skin of your hand, burning your fingers as the screen dimmed. You shouldn’t have looked. She had just gotten to you, riled you up enough yesterday to make you concerned. 

“That’s not… it’s not—baby,” Bucky stressed. He had just woken up. His hair was endearingly messy, a big sweater shifting along his shoulders. If you weren’t so upset it would have had your heart melting. 

“You told me it was nothing. That she was nothing,” you breathed out, pain lacing your throat as you spoke. 

“It—she is! I don’t know what you’re seeing on there, but it’s not true.” 

You bit into your bottom lip in an attempt to quell the onslaught of tears prying at your eyes. Bucky took a step towards you, cautious. You were in the doorway, he was in the bedroom. If you wanted to leave there was nothing stopping you. 

“I want to believe you,” you choked out. “But I can’t. There is no other explanation for this, Bucky.” 

Why you were being kind, you had no idea. You should be angry, enraged. Furious. But more than any of that, you were miserable. This man you were besotted by, his brow twisted into an uncomfortable shape, his eyes flickering with panic, he was all you had considered. It was a lot to put that on a college relationship, but there was no one else. 

Bucky was so gentle with you. There was no one else in the world that knew how to kiss you right. No one that held you under the harsh lights of football stadiums and let you press your nose to their neck to warm it on those fall nights. There was no one able to distract you the way he did in the library, eyes boring into the side of your face without fail, smile small and private and years in the making. 

There was no one that could have hurt you this much. 

“What’re you seeing?” he asked, a rasp to his voice. The words were so small. 

It was cruel to make you read it aloud, to make you look at the pictures again, but you did anyway. “I’m seeing your ex-girlfriend's nudes plastered all over your phone. I’m seeing her text from last night—‘can’t wait to do that again,’” your voice broke, tears stinging your eyes. “I can’t believe you. You said… you said—” 

You couldn’t finish. It didn’t matter what Bucky had said—that he’d spun pretty words and promised you things that were impossible now. Your breathing was shallow as you flung his phone at the bed. 

He was quick to grab it, head shaking as he scrolled through everything you’d already seen. “No,” he whispered. “No, this isn’t—sweetheart, I would never do anything like this. Not to you.” 

You laughed, the sound wet and sardonic. “Well, you did. There’s no use acting like this, Bucky.” 

It had been risky with Bucky, at the beginning. College athletes were always risky. You had pulled away after the first date, assuming that was it; it had been fun, but there was nothing else he could have possibly wanted. But then he'd asked you on another. And another. The relationship has snowballed into something unexpected. You went somewhere and he followed. He called you every night and you brought him dinner after every game. 

This wasn’t something you had expected. Maybe a few years ago, but not now. This was unfair. It was agonizing. 

Bucky threw the phone back down without a second glance at where it landed. He took long steps to meet you in the doorway, and even though you knew it wasn’t smart, you let him hold you. He pressed his forehead to yours, your wet cheeks brushing his, his eyes boring into yours. 

This would be the last time. 

“Listen to me,” he spoke, more determined than you had ever heard him. “I don’t have an explanation, I only have the truth I got, baby. I don’t know how any of that shit got on my phone or whatever she’s talking about. You know she’s been on one lately. You gotta believe me.” 

A forlorn cry left your lips. Bucky was talking to you, but you were more concerned with the way he felt as he held you. 

This would be the last time. 

“You hearing me?” he asked, shifting to meet your gaze as it flew down to the floor. “Please, you gotta believe me. I love you so much, baby. Only you. There’s no one else in this goddamn world I would give that up for. After college, we're gonna go away, okay? Wherever I get drafted I’m taking you with me.” 

Everyone had told you you were being dumb. That athletes wander. That they have millions of options and you were just the pick of the moment. You had defended Bucky to no end. How idiotic. How unfair. 

A kiss pressed to your forehead, firm and steady from the way he held the sides of your head. Desperate. 

This would be the last time. 

“Say something. Anything. Please.”

“Goodbye, Bucky,” you whispered.

Later, much later, you’d learn that there were never any lies between the two of you. You’d learn that Bucky couldn’t explain because there was nothing he’d done. Getting someone’s phone was easy when they left it in a locker room all night. When they raced home to their girl after practice without a second glance at the thing. 

But later wasn’t now. And now, you were gone. 

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes #bucky barnes angst #angstober 2023 #day 04 #bucky barnes drabble

[weilaverdui]

Angstober Day 21: Can't Save Everyone

And yet generation after generation, they tried.

#baizhu #baizhu genshin impact #genshin baizhu #genshin impact #genshin fanart #digitat art #made with krita #weil draws #angstober #angstober 2023 #day 21 #yes i did this quest only now #specifically to draw this pic

[janirah]

Applying bandages

"Three hours, Stanley! Three hours after the estimated time of your group's return! No communication, no emergency beacon signal! Can you imagine what I thought, how many scenarios to run in my head?!"

N yelled at the Zen portal operators, demanding to speed up its launch, until Dr. Freeman pulled him away and told not to disturb people.

#the stanley parable #tsp narrator #tsp stanley #tsp #half life parable #stanarrator #angstober 2023

[onceuponastory]

an unexpected meeting - bucky barnes x reader

But I'm so fucking lonely, no one really knows me You are still a heart I hope to hold - weekends by freya ridings Plot: Two years after breaking up with his girlfriend, Bucky unexpectedly bumps into her again. Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader (previously) Warnings: Mentions of a breakup and heartbreak, Bucky isolating himself and blaming himself after what happened with HYDRA/The Winter Soldier, and with the breakup. He also self sabotages himself a lot in this. A few tiny mentions of nightmares, blood and violence but nothing too graphic. And of course, some angst. But as always, if I miss any triggers, please let me know. Notes: This is for @angstober Day 12: "On Our Own." Please ignore that I'm one day late. Sue me. I love this song so much, so I had to write this based on it.

Not beta'd, so any mistakes are my own.

Making his way down the street, Bucky shivers, wrapping his coat tightly around himself as another bitterly cold wind blows against his face. The temptation to just go home and forget today is too real. But deep down, he knows he has to do this.  Bucky has been reclusive for the last two years, shutting himself up in his apartment and only going out for missions and essentials. His friends tried to convince him to come out, whether for coffee or something stronger, but Bucky still rarely left the safe space of his New York apartment. He prefers to be alone. It’s better to be alone.

Or at least, that’s what he kept telling himself as he sat alone in his apartment night after night, hearing the noise of the hustle and bustle outside, as he scrolled through his friends’ countless pictures together, seeing how happy they were together, without him…. And as he tried desperately to ignore how isolated he felt.

That was Bucky’s life until a few weeks ago, when Steve and Sam stepped in and insisted that getting out in the fresh air would do him the world of good. Bucky wasn’t so sure about their promises, but since the alternative was his two best friends dragging him outside themselves, going outside on his own terms sounded much more appealing. And walking to the store to buy some things is small, it’s manageable. It’s not like a mission or something more serious. 

And although he’d rather die than admit it to them… he was getting fed up with being stuck inside his apartment all the time, staring at the same four walls day in and day out. Steve and Sam just gave him the push he needed. 

That and he’s dangerously close to running out of coffee. Priorities.

He soon reaches the store, grabbing a basket and heading inside. The sooner he leaves, the better. He wanders around aimlessly, looking down at the various fruits and vegetables on offer. No doubt Steve and Sam would tell him he needs to eat more of those. He grabs some apples and plums, tossing them into the basket with little thought.

And then, he sees her, standing alone by the grapes. He’s shocked to see her here, of all places. In fact, most times he’s seen Y/N, she’s been a hallucination, gone in the blink of an eye when Bucky tried to get too close. But no matter how much he blinks, and how long he keeps his eyes closed, Y/N is still there. And she looks just as beautiful as she always does. Bucky’s heart begins to beat quicker, and his stomach churns in a weird mixture of excitement and fear.

He hasn’t seen her since they broke up, and when Bucky decided he was better off alone. Not because of anything Y/N did, though. God no, it was never Y/N’s fault. She’s the most beautiful, loving woman in the world, with a smile that puts the sun to shame. And that’s exactly why he broke up with her. 

After everything he’s been through with HYDRA and his work as an Avenger, Bucky's life is an intense and dangerous one. When they were still together, Y/N insisted she was fine with him being away for months and didn’t mind staying up beside the phone all night, anxiously awaiting to hear if he was still alive. But Bucky knew she was lying. Love or not, nobody wants to deal with that from their partner, to say goodbye and wonder if they'd ever come home again. Not just that, Bucky knows he’s a lot to deal with. With his troubled past, he has many... issues, to put it mildly. Issues he doesn’t want to drag Y/N into, ever. With all the innocent blood he’s spilled, Bucky knows he doesn’t deserve anything good. 

Especially not Y/N. All Bucky ever wanted was to protect her from certain heartbreak. So, he walked away, promising her it was the best thing for her. And he’s regretted the break up ever since. That’s why he’s locked himself away for so long - he couldn’t bear the thought of life without her, of going to places they loved without her, knowing that a piece of himself is missing, yet being unable to get it back no matter how hard he tried. But most of all, he couldn’t live knowing that it’s his fault everything fell apart.

And now, here she is. Right beside him at the store. Just the two of them.

“Y/N.” His voice is soft, almost as if he doesn’t believe that she’s actually there this time, and no longer a figment of his imagination. His words are nothing more than a whisper in the wind. And yet, despite how interested she’s pretending to be in this fruit, how long it’s been since she’s heard his voice, and how quiet it is, Y/N still hears it. It’s almost as if his words brush against her cheek, just like the way his lips did the last time he kissed her. When she cried and begged him to stay, insisting that whatever it was, they could just work it out if he would just please listen. And Bucky just shook his head, kissing her softly and promising that this was for the best. He still remembers the warmth of her skin as his lips brushed against hers, and the feeling of her tears rolling down her cheeks as she continued to ask him to stay. Although Bucky knows his tears were mixed with hers, too. That day, he savoured every moment he could, knowing it would be the last time he would ever see her.

But like he said, he looked for her, though, being disappointed every time. But this time, it’s real.

Y/N turns to him, locking eyes with him once more. The last time she did that was when he walked out, their relationship destroyed beyond repair. Because of him. And once again, Bucky reminds himself that it’s all his fault. “Bucky. Hi.” She smiles. Her smile looks different, and doesn’t reach her eyes like the usual warm ones that he’s used to. Back when things were great between them. Clearly, the breakup has affected her too.

“Of course it did, you idiot. She loved you.” Deep in Bucky’s gut, that familiar feeling of guilt twinges again. The same one he feels whenever he remembers just what he did to all those poor souls. Y/N never judged him for that, though. She sat with him every night, holding him as he screamed and thrashed around. Running her fingers through his hair, whispering sweet nothings whilst she peppered kisses across his body, knowing it calmed him down. 

He never deserved her. That’s why he let her go.

But it feels so wrong now. The bitter taste of regret seeps through him.

“How are you?” She asks. It’s a polite response, thankfully… but it’s curt. Before, she used to ask him to tell him every aspect about his day, anything he could share about his missions. Just something more than this. And as he spoke about everything and nothing, she’d hang onto his every word. Now, though, she looks like she couldn’t care less. 

And despite this raw, aching feeling in his chest, Bucky knows he deserves it. He can't destroy their relationship and then reappear to mend the pieces after two years.

“Good. Good.” He lies. “So, um… what are you up to?” He asks, regretting his words the moment they leave his mouth. 

“Getting groceries.” Y/N replies, another curt response. “Like you evidently.” She gestures to his basket.

“Oh. Right.” Because of course she is. Why else would she be here? And then, an uncomfortable silence descends, enveloping the two of them so deeply they could drown in it. But Bucky’s been drowning in the consequences of his actions for a long time.

This time, though, he’s been spat back out… and what a hellish form of karma this is.

“Was I not enough for you?” She asks, bluntly. The question takes him aback. He wasn’t expecting this question, of all things. …But she deserves the truth, and to ask him whatever she wants after it ended the way it did.

“Of course you were enough, Y/N. I promise you that.” She was more than enough, more than he could ever deserve, especially after the things he’s done. In fact, that’s probably why he ruined their relationship. Because whilst Y/N nurtures and supports everything she touches, Bucky destroys them. And he refused to let Y/N be the next thing he destroyed. But with the way she looks at him now, Bucky knows he’s destroyed her too. And that realisation hurts more than anything he’s ever done.

“You had a funny way of showing it then.” She hisses, loud enough for him to hear. Another strike of guilt. Guilt that he deserves, of course.

“Y/N.” He sighs. “I’m so sorry. Please, just-“

“Hey! There you are!” A man’s voice sounds, cutting through Bucky’s explanation. The man walks up to Y/N, wrapping his arm around her and kissing her temple. Immediately, the icy sting of jealousy wraps itself around Bucky, and his eyes narrow. Who the hell is this guy? He better take good care of Y/N, and treat her like the Queen she is, like Bucky did. Or else… there’ll be trouble. 

“Did you, though?” A little voice in the back of his head pipes up. “Because…I don’t think you ever did. At least, not at the end.” The words hit Bucky like being doused in ice cold water. His lungs constrict, and tears sting in his waterline. 

Although he still loves Y/N, so much so that he wants to shout it from the rooftops, deep down he knows that the voice is right. After what he did… he has no right to feel so protective of her. He has no hold over her heart anymore. 

And besides, maybe Y/N should’ve been protected from him instead.

“Who’s this?” The man asks, looking at Bucky curiously. 

“Um.” Y/N murmurs. A small glimmer of hope lightens deep in Bucky’s gut then. Maybe there’s a slight chance for redemption here, to make things right. Maybe, just maybe, she would say something nice about him, proving her feelings towards him have changed, if even only a little. And perhaps she still feels the same love for him as he does for her. Maybe, somewhere down the line, they can make things right again. “He’s just someone I know.” 

And that makes the flicker of hope inside of him fizzle out into nothing. 

“I’m Bucky. Nice to meet you.” Bucky nods, trying with all his might to not collapse in the middle of the aisle.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Chris.” The man smiles. Bucky stares at him, looking for something, anything, that seems off about Chris. Maybe he’s gripping her arm just too tightly, or shooting her dirty looks when he thinks Bucky isn’t watching. But there’s nothing. Chris seems perfect. He’s the perfect boyfriend Y/N deserves, and the one Bucky failed spectacularly at being.

As Chris makes polite conversation, Bucky nods, glancing around for an exit strategy. Usually, he does that to ensure the safety of his team, and protect them against whichever monster or villain they’re dealing with.

Now though, he’s doing it so his ex-girlfriend, who he definitely isn’t over and her new boyfriend don’t see him start sobbing in the middle of the fruit and vegetable section.

“Well, I better get going.” Bucky quickly announces. “It was nice seeing you Y/N.” 

“Yeah… you too.” She murmurs. Bucky quickly turns and walks away, abandoning his basket somewhere in the store. 

As soon as he’s outside, a few loose tears escape, running down his cheeks despite Bucky's best efforts not to break in public. It feels like his heart is being ripped apart all over again, just like it did when he broke up with Y/N. But this time, though, it hurts even more, like millions of stab wounds to the heart over and over again. 

Thankfully, he makes it home quickly, slamming the door behind him. He barely makes it a few steps before collapsing on the floor, his body wracked with sobs. If he could turn the clock back and fix this, if he could reverse his actions, he would.

But he can’t. He made his choice, and now he has to live with it. 

Despite how much it hurts. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

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#angstober 2023 #no.12 #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #bucky x female reader #bucky x y/n #bucky x you #bucky x reader #bucky fic #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky imagine #bucky fanfic #marvel oneshot #marvel fanfiction #marvel fanfic #marvel cinematic universe #fanfiction #fanfic #fic

[myevilmouse]

"I see your defeat, like many arms surrounding you in a cold embrace." 

The creature's prophecy hadn’t kept him awake, but now, as steely appendages wound tightly, the behemoth testing the durability of his ribcage, breath leaving his lungs, now Grand Admiral Thrawn remembered it, cursed it, and wondered what clues he’d missed, what strategies he’d overlooked in his confidence --his hubris-- that could have undone whatever Bridger was doing now. 

This mysterious Force... was it really this unpredictable? Or was his imminent death and failure of his mission due to his inability to not just see, but to believe? 

#grand admiral thrawn #getting his comeuppance #angstober 2023 #thrawn #star wars rebels #drabble #100 words #drabbles #evilmousetober23

[221beloved]

Honorbound

“Now little Watson, what do you want to do next?” The child looked at him with big eyes, an intense blue like a stormy ocean. Only once had Sherlock seen such blue eyes before, and he had fallen immediately for them. He blinked and refocused his vision. He shouldn't think about this with little Watson sitting in front of him, waiting for him to entertain her. “Do you want to see the book I found last week?” he asked. Rosie's eyes grew even bigger and she made a high pitched, approving noise. Sherlock lifted himself from the floor and went to the desk to pick up said book. When he returned to sitting on the floor, he once again realised that his body wasn't getting any younger. He sighed, leaned his back against his chair and motioned Rosie to him, placing her in his lap, her back against his chest, so they could read the book together. Well, read... the book contained mostly pictures, the title, “At the Zoo,” apparently only for parents. Or others. They flipped through the pages, Rosie pointing at animals or buildings, and Sherlock explaining the object under her finger in a low voice. She won't keep anything of what he says, but they're both occupied, so be it. Rosie became more and more sleepy, and by the time they reached the middle of the book she was dozing, head fallen back against Sherlocks chest. Careful he closed the book and put it to the side. He lowered his face and brushed his nose through Rosies blond, curly hair. She smelled like baby products, clean clothes and skin. He closed his eyes and took another breath. There it was, just the faintest note of Johns scent. John. Like the first rays of sunshine, after a harsh and gloomy winter. He sighed and let his head fall back against his chair. John was out tonight. Just an hour ago, Sherlock had opened the door to find John on his doormat, smiling sheepishly with little Watson on his hip. The day before, he had met an old friend from uni, whose wife had a friend, who was searching for a partner. And so John had got a date. A date, and no one to look after his daughter, so he came to ask Sherlock. And Sherlock had said yes. Of course he had. He would say yes to anything John was asking for.He could have said no, refused to take care of Rosie, so John couldn't have gone to the date. He could have prevented the possibility for John, to find someone else and marry again, leaving Sherlock behind again. All Sherlock would have needed to do, was to say no. But John asked him to take care of her, so Sherlock was taking care of her. All while John was sitting in a restaurant and probably falling in love with someone else. Again. He sighed and looked down at the little girl, sleeping in his lap. He loved her. He loved her nearly as much as he loved her father. He placed a gentle kiss on her hair and let his head fall back again. He would give everything for the Watsons to be happy. Everything.

~~~

First time participating in a challege

Just tagging some mutuals, text me if you want to be removed

@angstober

@jawnscoffee @jawnn-watson @holmesianlove @topsyturvy-turtely @iamjustreading @thegildedbee @thatswhyhestays @missdeliadili @7-percent

#angstober 2023 #day 01 #bbc sherlock #sherlock #rosie watson