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Angsty goodness my arse, this hurt 😭😭😭😭

Somewhere only we know

~ Azriel X Fem!Reader

Summary: Azriel comes to visit you for the first time in a while.

Warnings: Angsty goodness

He could hear it now; your call beckoning him closer.

The dulcet tones of your laughter echoing amongst the evening birdsong as Azriel approached.

It was a path the shadowsinger had walked a hundred times before. The bowing oak trees and the familiar tune of the flowing beck all working to guide Azriel towards his final destination.

Towards you.

Yet even the forest wasn't safe from the golden hands of time. The gnarled roots and overgrown canopy a glaring sign that it had been far too long since Azriel had last come to see you.

Where he was once able to run freely alongside you, Azriel now found himself uncomfortably squeezing through the wild underbrush. Wings tightly curling into his back out of fear of catching them on the thicket of brambles which now lined the once clear path.

Perhaps a year was too long to wait.

Perhaps Azriel should have visited you sooner.

Your voice continued to grow louder with each step taken, the wind beginning to carry the recognizable scent of your sweet perfume.

Azriel inhaled deeply, allowing the delicate aroma of honeysuckle and jasmine to wash away his worries. A calming peace, that only ever makes itself known when in the presence of your company, began to warmly settle in his chest.

"Hello my love"

Azriel called softly into the air, the gentle twinkling of a wind chime greeting him in response as the evening sun broke through the canopy above to lay a welcoming kiss onto his cheek.

"I've missed you," the shadowsinger continued, moving towards the fallen trunk of a tree in order to take a seat, "I'm sorry I've been gone so long."

Another melodic chime answered, assuring Azriel that his absence needed no excuse.

"But I couldn't miss spending my birthday with you, I don't think you would have let me"

The wind laughed in reply, a soothing breeze coming to caress his smiling cheek as Azriel lifted a shaky hand to meet the ghost of your own.

Eyes beginning to water at your phantom touch, the male cleared his throat before reaching into the pocket of his leathers. "I've brought you a letter," Azriel started to explain, pulling out the carefully folded piece of paper, "of all the things you've missed since I was last here. I wrote it all down just so I didn't forget to tell you anything."

The orange sun glowed a little brighter, so as to provide Azriel with enough light to read his letter. The forest falling into a peaceful silence in order to ensure that you heard every word the shadowsinger had to say.

"Feyre is pregnant again, I think Rhys would kill me if I didn't tell you that first," Azriel grinned at the smile of excitement he could picture you wearing at the news, taking the time to burn the image into his mind before continuing, "Nyx is convinced it's a girl, and if it is her wants her to be named after you of course. He always talks about his favourite auntie."

Azriel allows himself to pause, needing a moment to calm his wavering breath before he could say any more, the harsh lines of a frown beginning to cross his face.

"Cas says hello. He'd come here if he could, you know that. But I don't think I'm quite ready to share this place with anyone else yet. He's fine, Nesta too. They're kept busy by little Sofia most of the time, ever since she learnt how to fly she's been wreaking havoc all over Velaris."

A robin flittered down from the trees, perching by where Azriel was sat, its small head tilted in silent understanding. Appreciating the company, a slight smile flickered across Azriel's lips as he turned his watery eyes back to the letter grasped between his trembling hands.

"Elain and Lucien are finally back from their trip around Prythian. They went to Spring - to that meadow I took you to for our anniversary. She . . . she brought me back some flowers, said they reminded her of you."

Azriel's tears finally began to fall as he carefully folded the letter once more, tucking it away into the safety of his leathers, placing it into the pocket right above his heart.

"And me . . ." Azriel started, voice cracking as he tried to recall what he had done since he was last here, his surroundings taking him back to a time when you had once been sat here with him, "Well I've not really done anything at all."

The male's hands move to clasp onto the two rings resting on a chain around his neck, thumb working to brush the cool metal in the hope of receiving some comfort, "Some days it feels like time has scarcely moved at all . . . On those days I like to close my eyes and picture you - us - here in the forest. Running through the trees like we used to do, hiding from our responsibilities for as long as we could."

Azriel deeply exhaled as he watched the robin fly away, tears still falling as he continued to speak, "And then I open my eyes . . . and remember you're gone" Azriel's words are interrupted by a harrowing sob falling from his lips, "I don't know how much longer I can do this. I'm getting old my love, sometimes I worry that one day I'll come back here and you won't recognize me anymore. That our love will fall victim to the hands of time just as the forest has."

The chimes twinkle once more, a gentle reminder that you are never truly gone, the ever-changing wind whispering promises that your love was one to last for eternity.

"I know" Azriel sadly smiles, letting go of the rings in order to brush away his tears, the thought of your heartbroken expression enough to dry his eyes, "I just miss you, that's all. Not a day goes by where I don't think of you."

The trees lightly rustle in response.

Azriel stayed to talk to you long into the night. The conversation never fading, nor growing dull, even when the moon had said its goodbyes and the sun had risen once more.

If time was all Azriel could offer you these days, then his time was what you would receive. For each hour spent in your special spot, was another hour of keeping your memory alive.

Another hour Azriel got to spend with you.

When the time came for Azriel to reluctantly leave the forest, his responsibilities too pressing to ignore for much longer, the shadowsinger whispered a promise into the wind that he would return once more. Swearing that you would not have to wait so long to see him again.

With each step he took, the scent of rosemary and sweet pea grew stronger, your calming aroma fading as Azriel walked further and further away.

And as Azriel turned to look at you once more, he could have sworn he heard you calling after him. Words unintelligible as your voice became lost amongst the birdsong.

But he could feel it, the assurance that he wasn't alone.

The piece of you that had been trapped here, now safely tucked within the confines of his heart.

So carry you home he would.

#this was so lovely and heartbreaking #please give him a happy ending somehow 🥲

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dad azriel dad azriel dad azriel + hot mommy fairy 😈

YAS YAS YAS they are literally such an ethereal couple, so hot and sexy too

I’d also love to see jealous/possessive Az in this world. Like maybe they go to a dance and she decides to have her wings out as it matches her dress and he just hates how much attention she gets hehe

#fairy reader x Azriel

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nooo and even though the baby fic would be so cute it could be so angsty 😭 like the wings being dangerous and her having a feyre situation but worse because the wings are more delicate and temperamental with additional magic

YES YES YES I agree

Like her body is built for fairy wings, so if the kids are going to have some variation of Az’s and her wings that’s gonna be tough. Also if we do twins to begin with, there’s so many risks with that too 🥺🥺🥺

I mean maybe this is where a c section can be introduced to the world hahaha

#azriel x reader #wings universe

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fairy wings that are leathery and black like illyrian but smaller and double layered and iridescent huge illyrian wings fairy coloured 😭

even madja is like : 000 so unique

Yes yes yes, and they’re sparkly and have fairy dust 🥹🥹🥹

And we all know how angelic Azriel is, his kids will just be absolutely ethereal with those genes plus all that sparkly fairyness hahaha

I’m thinking 2 twin boys and then a little girl 🥹🥹

And it’s just funny because all their family are so obsessed with readers wings, as they’re just so beautiful and unique and I feel like they’re all gonna be the same with the kids. Like moths to a flame, just mesmerised 💕

Although it wouldn’t surprise me if other illyrians try bully them 😭😭😭😭😭

#I love building their little family

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help now im thinking of azriel sobbing as he holds his delicate lil winged babies 😭💀💀😭

no because it would be the sweetest thing ever, I can see him now holding a lil babe in his arms cooing over the gorgeous little wings that resemble his but also his mates I dunno I'm really warming to this idea of the wings kind of like merging together lol

Did any of you play that Bratz baby fish tank game online? and you would put the different breeds of fish in a tank to mate and then they'd end up these really cute crossbreeds, yeah that's what I'm imagining loooool

#lol my mind sometimes #but I might need to draw these wings to show you what I'm imagining #or maybe ask my very talented friend who is fab at fanart to help a girl out hmmmm #azriel x you

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imagine lil twins a girl with fairy wings and a lil boy with his daddys illyrian wings : ((( my heart cant take it

This would so sweet 😭😭😭😭

#babies with wings 🥺🥺 #imagine

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omg little bat babies with sparkling wings 😭 and imagine how emotional azriel would be holding a little baby thinking he never deserved it or would never get his happiness 😭😭

🥹🥹🥹 imagine

Because to begin with I did think would one gene really dominate, and the babies would come out with either wings resembling hers or wings like his.

But imagine Illyrian wings but all pink and sparkly instead (like the merge together) and with lots of lovely fairy dust around them 💕 so pretty!!

And what do we think, would they have lots of kids? Twins? Boys? Girls? Both? Ahhhhhh just imagining it all is so sweet 🥹

And don’t Azriel would be the most attentive father, and everyday be questioning how he got so lucky 😭😭😭😭😭

#these two are the sweetest #I love them

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I read you’re accepting requests for azriel x fairy reader and it makes me cryyy he deserves happiness so mich so maybe some domestic bliss discovering she is pregnant? or when they have a lil babe or even the birthing? lord knows he’d be a WRECK or even all three separately 😭 i just love them + your writing so much < 3

OMG i love this request, I LOVE THEM SO MUCH TOO. All my other Azriel fics involve some kind of angst, but these two just exist in the fluff world of my brain. Nothing bad happens in their universe (well nothing too angsty hehe)

But yes pregnancy discovery would be so sweet!! And just birth and parenting in general would be fun to explore with these two. I also haven't written those things yet, so I'll add it to the list for sure.

How cute would it be though if they had kids and they had little boys who all had lovely pink wings hahaha

Also I've just recently read @writingcroissant fic that is this kind of premise so you should definitely give it a read if you're wanting that kind of fix asap as it's brilliant.

#wings universe #maybe I need a better name than wings? #any suggestions welcome

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butterfly kisses

Pairing: Azriel x fem reader

Word Count: 1.7K (honestly it's just a little drabble)

Warnings: 18+, implied smut, lots of fluff, mating frenzy

Summary: Azriel just can't get enough of your wings <3

If you want to read more from this universe - wings

Azriel wasn’t sure how he’d gotten so lucky.

He had thanked the Mother every day since the bond snapped, and even more when you accepted it. When Mor had introduced you into his life only a couple of years ago, he never imagined this would be the outcome.

Azriel vividly remembered the first night he met you. It was another gathering at Rita’s, one of the many that had unfolded, now peace settled over the land. 

Mor with playful determination had pulled you over to their table, arm looped around yours– almost in a way that said she wasn’t going to let you escape. He had noticed the faint blush that creeped up your face to your pointed ears, merely from the proximity of your High Lord and Lady, and their inner circle. He recalled how you offered a shy little curtsy in their presence, that had led to the whole table stifling their laughter. Rhys kindly explained that such formalities were not necessary, especially not in Rita’s of all places. Azriel did his best to contain his mirth at the display, all the while chewing the inside of his cheek to stop the chuckle leaving his lips. He truly couldn’t get over how adorable you were, he'd found himself captivated by your endearing innocence. 

And that was only the start.

Mor explained how she’d met you in town one day and had essentially thrusted her friendship onto you, and it really didn’t take long for Azriel and his family to do the same. 

You were so sweet and caring, and slotted into Azriel’s life so easily that he found it hard to remember a time when you weren’t there at all. Your kindness towards the Archeron sisters, guiding them through the intricate transitions of fae life that they still at times struggled with. Nyx was absolutely enamoured with you, oftentimes seeking your company over his actual family. But they didn’t blame him, because they all did same. Your calm sweet nature was addictive to them all, especially Azriel.

Driven by an insatiable curiosity, Azriel found himself seeking every opportunity to unravel all your layers. He wanted to know everything about you. From your favourite foods, to the books that captured your attention.

His infatuation all made sense when the bond snapped. 

It was the last solstice.

Azriel had noticed how beautiful you were looking, as you always were. But you were clad in a breathtaking pale pink summer dress, the neckline delicately showcasing your décolletage. As you moved with a natural grace, the fabric billowed ever so slightly at the waist, accentuating your silhouette in a manner that held attention.

Or at least held Azriel’s attention. He couldn’t keep his eyes off you.

He watched you carefully navigate the chaos of the room. Nyx in one arm, giving Feyre some rest and reprieve in her pregnant state. Your other hand bringing in the cake Elain had spent all morning baking. Amidst the flurry of activity, you had been so close to dropping the cake. But Azriel's steady hand intervened just in time, grabbing the plate and taking it off you. Except in that moment your hands touched, grazed past one another in a way they had so many times before. 

But that time had been different.

It was Azriel’s turn to almost drop the cake. That all consuming warmth flooded his chest catching him off guard. A golden thread connecting itself to you. The mating bond. Finally.

And based on the bright red flush covering your cheeks, it was clear you’d felt it too. You’d fled the room then, overcome with emotion and what this new revelation meant. 

Though, it didn’t take long for Azriel to coax you round.

Ever the gentleman, he courted you. Taking you on the most thoughtful dates and spoiling you with bouquet after bouquet of flowers. He would leave little love notes and poetry for you to find. That it was really no surprise to anyone, when you decided to accept the bond.

That was only three weeks ago now.

Yourself and Azriel were deep in the mating frenzy. 

Rhys had kindly offered one of his private residences he had on the outskirts of Night. A smaller cottage, but with all the privacy you both needed. And Azriel had taken advantage of that privacy eliciting sounds from you that he would cherish forever and never tire hearing.

And then there were your wings. 

You had revealed them to him the first night after accepting the mating bond, and, Gods, was he done for.

Azriel had taken it upon himself, in the earlier months, to really vet you. His dedication to his role as Spymaster served as a guise for his self-indulgent exploration of you, delving into the intricate details of your being with a hunger that bordered on obsession. Not only had he discovered all the things you love, but he searched for details of who and what you were.

Finding himself holed up in the library at times, hours spent devoted to aquainiting himself to the type of fairy you were. 

He knew you had wings, was the type of fairy whose wings were the delicate kind. Most kept them concealed with magic. Yet, Azriel couldn't shake the thought that perhaps they were hidden not only for protection but also out of reverence for their breathtaking beauty. They were mesmerising. Enough to trap Azriel into some kind of trance. 

And perhaps possessively so, he was grateful not many males were privy to this part of you.

He was watching you now, laying on your front. Bare. Just how he’d left you when he took a moment to freshen up. You were giggling, your legs up and feet fluttering behind you while propped up over something.

“What are you doing, my love?” Azriel purred inquisitively, stepping closer towards the bed.

“Oh…Feyre was just checking in. Asking how much longer we might be,” he could hear you smile when you spoke, and watched as with the brush of your hand the magical parchment and ink disappeared that you’d been conversing with Feyre on.

“It’s not even been that long,”

“We’ve been gone three weeks–”

“And we’ll be gone 300 hundred more,”

You chuckled at his response, “Az, we do need to go back at some point. They need us.”

“I need you more.” There was no negotiating. Your family would be lucky to see you both before the next solstice at this rate.

Not that Azriel needed the frenzy to be satiated by you, but it truly was driving him. The primal need for you, overwhelming. The pair of you only stopped when you both fell into a slumber from exhaustion. And even then, there were many times you found each other in a sleep exhausted haze, tangled within and inside one another again.

The bed dipped either side of your legs, you were still on your front but could feel your mate over you. He had paused though, his eyes falling over your beautiful pink wings. The iridescent skin reflecting lights across the room. He had almost cried when he first saw them after you accepted the bond, mesmerised and overwhelmed by their beauty.

Getting to see this part of you, a part of you that was so private, stirred a gratefulness inside him. But there was something else too, a possessiveness that had slowly been creeping up his mind recently.

In the past three weeks, you had both done every possible maneuver, tried every kind of love making– fucking, screwing, mating. You’d even made him a crumbling wet mess just from playing with his wings. 

But he hadn’t touched yours.

No, they looked so delicate and soft, too beautiful to touch, that he hadn’t dared. 

You felt him situate himself behind you, his warm naked body lightly laying on you, his chest resting on your behind. His arms wormed their way under your hips to get comfy, and you splayed your wings flat against your back to fit him.

“Az?” you asked curiously, glancing slightly over at your shoulder to catch him in your peripheral.

He didn’t respond though, not with words. You felt his soft warm breath blowing on the membrane of your right wing, making your squirm under the touch. Your wing fluttering a little in the air.

“How sensitive are they? Too sensitive for me to touch?” You heard him behind you.

“Hm..” you tilted your head slightly to think, “They’re delicate, but you can touch them. Gently.”

You were waiting for him to wriggle his hand from out beneath you but instead you felt something warm and wet run against the bottom of your wing.

You couldn’t stop the whimper from escaping your lips at the soft touch. Azriel had taken it upon himself to use the tip of his tongue to explore this part of you, a part of you that was still very new to him. He felt you wriggle under him, and he shifted placing his full body weight on you so you couldn’t move.

His tongue traced the ridge of your wing, and he wasn’t letting up. Not when he’d made that sound from you. He wanted more of that. He moved and pressed his tongue flat against the delicate skin, evoking another moan from you.

“Does that feel good my little butterfly?” he purred, you could feel the smirk on his lips against your wing as he pressed a kiss on them.

You wanted to roll your eyes at his teasing, but it felt too good to do anything other than surrender to his touch.

“I want to hear your words,” he spoke a little more assertively this time, before swiping  his tongue along one of the tubular lines that spread like veins across your wings.

“Yes..” You huffed, before another moan slipped past your lips breathlessly. “It feels good Az…” You felt your body heat, your cheeks for sure rosy, grateful your mate could only hear not see the reaction he was having on you. 

He chuckled softly then, the vibrations from his lips skirting across your wings making them twitch.

“My sensitive little butterfly, ” the new nickname only made you squirm more, your core growing slick at his predatory attention.

Azriel moved his hand then, the one caught under your left hip, so effortlessly moving down to your core, cupping your wet slit as he licked the pink shiny membrane again. 

“Azriel…” you gasped, but his touch didn’t relent.

You knew this was only the start.

a/n: just some lovely little fluffy mating frenzyness! I just love these two, so I may expand a little more on the wings universe and their relationship if you guys would like to see that! Maybe some domestic bliss, or if there's any scenes you'd like me to write for them or parts of their story you're interested in then I'm happy to explore. Also this was written fairly quickly, so please ignore any typos, I only did a quick little check hehe - Lottie

p.s. also thanks to @thisiskaylin who inspired the nickname! She commented on the wings fic that butterfly would be the perfect nickname and I just had to use it <3

Forever tags: @sleepylunarwolf @daily-dose-of-sass @milswrites @amberlynn98 @marscardigan @illyrianbitch @lilah-asteria

#acotar #azriel x reader #azriel x you #azriel fanfic #acotar azriel #acotar fanfiction #acotar series #azriel shadowsinger #azriel spymaster #azriel x y/n #azriel x oc #azriel acotar #azriel series #azriel fluff #fluff #azriel smut #smut

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THE BABY SHADOWS 🥹🥹🥹🥹

Oh this was just so lovely and sweet, and everything was so perfectly written 🫶🏻🫶🏻

Laborious Activities | Azriel x reader

Summary: Azriel and his mate are having a baby.

A/N: @daycourtofficial has infected me with something akin to baby fever with Eris and his gingersnaps and this was the result! (please note that I have never gone through labour so there’s a good chance this is incredibly unrealistic, but then again, we’re talking about faeries so who cares)

Word count: 2521

Warnings: fluff bordering on the corny

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Her breathing was shallow and fast as Azriel brushed his palm over her hair, her skin shimmering with a thin coat of sweat, her hand trembling despite the thumb he soothed over the delicate skin of her wrist, feeling her pulse flutter beneath the pad of his finger.

"You're okay," he spoke, forcing his words into a soft tone, his features schooled into the perfectly collected, calm mask of someone who supposedly knew what he was doing. "I got you. You'll be fine."

"It doesn't feel fine," she said, and her voice shook, her eyes wide when she looked up at him—fearful.

She'd been cracking jokes only moments earlier, jokes that had worked their magic to calm him. But they'd gotten scarce the longer it went on and the worse it got.

"Madja will be here any moment now," Azriel assured both her and himself with gentle tones, watching the way her eyes flickered to the closed door.

He watched her for a moment, observed the unrest in her movements, the discomfort in her bones when she shifted. The tight grip of her hand found his arm then, her face contorting in pain, and Azriel swallowed thickly at the way she pressed her wobbling lips together, her eyes shut tightly as she rode a fresh wave of tearing agony.

"Breathe through it," Azriel spoke softly, and a cooling shadow moved to brush along her heated forehead. "Breathe with me."

Placing her flat, warm palm on his shirt-covered chest, he took a deep breath, holding it for two beats of his heart before exhaling through slightly parted lips. At the third breath she finally opened her eyes, shining wet now, and Azriel watched as she began to mirror his breathing with shaky exhales.

"That's perfect," he smiled, fingers brushing loose strands of hair from her damp forehead before he leaned down to press his lips to her skin. "You're doing amazing."

Where the fuck are you? he hurled at Rhys through his open mind shields.

Got held up, will be there in five.

"What is it?" she asked, her eyes still locked with his, a note of panic in her tone. "Is it Rhys? What did he say?"

Azriel cursed himself for having shown on his face even a flicker of the anxiety he felt coursing his veins.

"Everything is okay," he assured her. "They'll be here in a few minutes."

A sob tore through her throat at the next contraction, and Azriel clenched his teeth when her hand shot to her swollen belly. She was being torn apart and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

"How bad is it now?" he asked quietly when it ended. "Can't be worse than the knife Cass took to the arm when you two were sparring last year. The way he was wailing, you'd think you chopped it right off."

The laugh that passed her lips sounded choked; her face contorted as she grimaced at him. "You're an ass."

The corners of his lips curled when some of the tension left her muscles at the abating pain, and she sank back a little deeper into the pillow.

Azriel brushed his fingers along her bare arm in a gentle caress. "Have you thought about what we should name her?"

"You don't even know if it's a girl." Her voice was quiet now. He knew she was already exhausted, worn out from the pain, and his chest tightened at the thought that it would get much worse for her before it got better.

"Well, no." Azriel hummed, tilting his head as he looked down at his love with a smile. "But I have a feeling."

She hummed, her own tired version of a smile now breathing light into her features. “A feeling, huh? Well in that case, who am I to question the spymaster?”

Azriel lifted her hand to his lips, his eyes closing as he kissed her knuckles.

It was only when the door opened that both their eyes snapped up to find Madja and Rhys entering the room, one with assuring calm radiating off her, the other with brows furrowed in worry.

"How are you doing, sweetheart?" Madja asked as she set her bag on the floor by the bed.

Y/N gave a wobbly smile. "I've been better."

Sympathy coloured Madja's features, and she nodded as she began to soothe her palms over Y/N’s swollen, nightgown-clad belly.

"Ah, yes, an impatient one you've got there."

"Is everything okay?" Azriel asked, his eyes on Madja as though her words could determine the fate of everyone present. And in a way, he supposed they could. "The wings," Azriel hesitated, swallowing thickly and holding his love's hand in his like a lifeline, "they haven't...?"

"No. You'd know it if they had," Madja spoke gently, moving to dig through her bag.

It was risky, this birth. Dangerous. When he'd found out she was pregnant, when he’d sensed the change in her scent, it had almost driven him mad with worry. He remembered how it had been with Feyre, remembered her screams a little too well, maybe. And Y/N hadn't been here then. She hadn't been touched by whatever Nesta had done to give herself and Feyre the ability to bear Illyrian children.

But apparently, the Mother had smiled upon them, because things had gone ... smoothly. Against all odds, her body had adjusted. Her bones had shifted to widen her pelvis, and once she’d been far enough along to tell, Madja had deemed the baby's wings small enough to risk a natural birth.

They suspected an Illyrian, buried somewhere in the long line of her ancestors, leaving not enough of a genetic trace to bless her with the ability to fly, but enough to allow her to bear a child with tiny wings of its own.

Still, it wasn't by any means safe. They didn't know how her body would react when it came down to it. But at least she'd made it this far. An unknown ancestor had given her a fighting chance.

"Let's get to it then, shall we?" Madja smiled.

When Y/N's face twisted with yet another contraction forcing her body to writhe in agony, Rhys' worried voice rang through the room.

"I could take it away," he said. "The pain."

But Madja lifted a hand. "Pain tells us a great deal, Rhysand. It's nature's way to let us know when something's wrong."

Rhys sighed through his nose—Azriel could hear it from where he kept his eyes on her, on the tense curve of her neck, the heaving of her chest.

A quiet whimper broke past tightly clamped lips and Azriel felt it like a stab in the chest.

"I won't be far," Rhys said, moving backwards to the door as Y/N calmed enough to breathe freely again, and Madja began dragging the fabric of her nightgown over the legs she kept bent at the knees and propped up on the mattress. "Call me if you need anything."

As Rhys closed the door behind him, Madja smiled up at her from between her legs. "Everything looks good, when the next contraction comes, I want you do push as hard as you can, darling. Okay?"

A wave of nausea overcame Azriel at that.

Gods, this was it.

The moment they'd been both dreading and anticipating for months now. When he turned back to look at her, he spotted the same fear in her eyes that he felt boiling deep in his gut, and when he moved closer, he lifted their interlocked hands to breathe a kiss to the back of hers.

"You can do this, my love," he spoke softly over the rapid breaths tearing in and out of her lungs and the thumping heartbeat he could all but feel shaking the very air he breathed. "Just squeeze my hand as hard as you can."

When it started, he thought his heart might break from the sight of her, the sounds she made, the tears that began to roll down her cheeks somewhere around the thirty-minute-mark. Madja had her push four times during each contraction, and every time it was over, all the strength seemed to drain from her body when she fell back to the pillow, chest heaving, eyes wet.

Azriel was muttering quiet words of encouragement into her hair, running his cooling shadows along her heated skin, holding the crushing grip of her hand. But when she pushed and pushed without any sign of progress, he was slowly running out of things to say.

She was actively tearing her body apart, and she had been doing so for hours now. What could he possibly say to help her through it? What words were there that could ease her pain?

"She'll be here soon," he spoke quietly, his arm now wrapped around Y/N’s shoulders so she could lean on him for leverage. "You'll be able to hold her, and you'll see why I was so sure it would be a girl."

But she was crying, exhaustion rolling off her in waves, her head rolling against his shoulder.

"It doesn't work," she sobbed. "Why doesn't it work?"

Madja lifted her eyes, sympathy swimming within them. "It's the wings, dear. They make it harder. They have a bit of resistance and make the baby bigger in diameter. But you're getting there, I promise you are. You just have to push a couple more times."

“I can’t,” she cried, her voice thick, her words slurred and hopeless with exhaustion. “I can’t push anymore. Everything hurts. It hurts.”

"Y/N," Azriel spoke, palming her heated, damp cheek as he directed her gaze to his, a note of desperation in his tone. "You’re doing so good, my love. It’s almost over.”

She gave a choked sob. “It hurts, Az. I don’t—I can’t, I—”

“I know,” Azriel breathed, his voice cracking. “I know it does. But it’s just a couple more times." He swallowed. "A couple more times and you'll have our baby in your arms."

The tired nod she gave broke his heart, but she took hold of his hand, and when the next contraction came, her body tensed all over again and she pushed with all her might.

It took four more. Four times she held her breath and screwed her eyes shut. Four times her voice broke with the scream that tore through her throat. Four times Azriel held on for dear life as she clung to his hand. And when she finally collapsed with a heavy sigh leaving her lungs and every last drop of energy flowing from her muscles, a sharp cry pierced the air and a lump formed in Azriel's throat as he kept his eyes on his love, running his fingers through her damp hair.

He lifted her limp hand to his lips then, and closing his eyes, pressed his lips to her skin.

"You're incredible," he breathed against her.

It was then that Madja approached her side, and Azriel watched intently as she placed a little bundle in the arms of his mate

“Congratulations,” the healer said, smiling. “A healthy girl.”

"Oh Gods," Y/N snivelled, her thick voice all but a breath in the suddenly silent room. "Azriel, look at her. She's ... she's ..."

"Perfect," Azriel breathed, mesmerisation overcoming him as he stared at the squirming little form of his daughter, his shadows fluttering across the room in a display of barely contained joy.

“She is.” A happy sob broke free from her then. "Absolutely perfect."

Azriel’s arm tightened around his mate, his forehead sinking to her temple, his voice lowered to a whisper only she could hear. "You did so good, my love."

She smiled, her eyes always on the babe in her arms, though Azriel could feel the bond between them thrum with golden light, brighter than it had ever been before.

"What was it then?" she asked, her voice exhausted beyond imagination, yet void of the agony that had torn apart her words just moments earlier.

"What was what?"

"What made you so sure she'd be a girl?"

Azriel smiled, and as he looked down at the bundle in her arms, he observed the first shadowy tendril brushing along a perfectly round cheek. "Her shadows told me."

Surprise coloured Y/N’s features as she looked up at him, but when she followed his gaze back to the cheek of their daughter, a delighted sound fell from her lips. "She's a shadowsinger too!"

Azriel leaned his cheek to rest against her head. "I started to notice unfamiliar shadows a few days ago. Just whispers, barely big enough to see.”

His chest expanded with the knowledge that his daughter would grow up as he had—shadows by her side to protect her from harm, to be her friend when she needed one most, to carry her across the lands with nothing but the absence of light.

"Do you want to hold her?" Y/N suddenly asked, looking up at him with bright eyes that carried no trace of the pain she'd just forced her body to endure.

Azriel hesitated but finally nodded, the urge to hold his baby suddenly overwhelming, and when she shifted a bit to move the babe to his arm, his heart swelled large enough to surely burst free from his chest any moment now.

She was barely big enough to span the length of his forearm, her head fitting comfortably in the palm of his hand, and he didn't dare breathe as he held her close to his chest.

"I can't believe we made her," Y/N whispered, running the pad of her thumb along a soft cheek, her eyes brightening when their daughter squirmed at the touch.

When Y/N looked up at him, her gaze was so full of love it stole the breath right from Azriel’s lungs.

“We still have to name her.”

Azriel hummed, gazing at the impossibly tiny face of his daughter, and a twinge of joy shot through him as he realised that she had her mother’s eyes. He’d hoped she would. He loved those eyes. He’d lay down his life for those eyes.

“We could name her after your mother,” Y/N spoke quietly, and Azriel turned to looked at her.

He contemplated her words for a while, but finally…

“No,” he said softly, looking back at the girl in his arms. “No, she should have her own name. One without … history.”

He felt his love’s hand on his arm, her head leaning against his shoulder as she gazed down at the babe he held.

“What about Alenia?”

“Alenia,” Azriel said, testing the way the name rolled off his tongue. “Alenia, shadowsinger of the Night Court.”

He heard the grin in Y/N’s voice when she spoke. “Barely ten minutes old and she already carries a title.”

Azriel smiled and lifted a single finger to his daughter’s cheek, doing as Y/N had done earlier and delighting in the little squirms his caress drew from the babe.

“She shall be the greatest shadowsinger to ever walk the Night Court,” he breathed into the silence of the room. “I know it.”

#more of this domestic bliss pls #lottie’s recs

[itsswritten]

THESE WERE THE WINNING IMAGES - Looks like it's gonna be some Cassian fluff...maybe even a little smutty hmmmmm let's see

So I’ve been told I’m the queen of header aesthetics (by the lovely @writingcroissant thanks love 😘)

But looking for stunning visuals always inspires me to write and I actually thought there could be a really fun way to get you guys involved in my next one shot! I really wanna give Cassian a go, and would love for you guys to help me figure out what to write about but with images!

I’ve found 10 images that I feel are very Cassian coded and I was thinking the top three that are voted for can become the header of the story which will essentially help me decide what to write??? Let’s give it a shot anyway 🤍

#cassian x reader #cassian x you #cassian x y/n #cassian #acotar

[itsswritten]

𝓜𝓸𝓸𝓭𝓫𝓸𝓪𝓻𝓭 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓷𝓪𝓶𝓮 𝓢𝓽𝓪𝓻𝓵𝔂 🌿🐇

𝓡𝓮𝓺𝓾𝓮𝓼𝓽𝓮𝓭 𝓫𝔂: @bunniibones

𝓒𝓸-𝓒𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓽𝓸𝓻: @gardenofafterthoughts

[itsswritten]

hehe thanks for sharing, it just looks like movie money to me 💵💵

Sometimes I forget the US is actually real and not just a massive set to some of my favourite movies and tv shows 🤭

Like I just known if/when I ever visit the states I’m gonna be gobsmacked, even your supermarkets got me intrigued 🛒

Time for a masterclass in british money hehe

I hope this better explains the British coinage system better looool but anything that has a pound within it can also be called quid. So if you have have £1 you can call it a "quid", or £10 can be called "10 quid" etc

This so informative, thank you!! And so many coins. I mean it makes sense because coins last longer, making them the more economical choice, but still.

Are 2p coins popular to use? I feel like they’d be more of a nuisance than anything. I’m also surprised you don’t have a £100 note. Is Elizabeth still on all the notes or have they updated them to Charles?

I suppose it’s like how here dollar and buck are interchangeable.

#maybe I need some of my assumptions debunked #because I’ve got a lot based on the rom coms I watched growing up #that I don’t even know if they’re real or just exaggerated

[itsswritten]

Wait how many coins do you have???

I feel like most of the coins probably aren’t used that much, at least not by me. I know “cash is king” and all that but I rarely carry it nowadays 😬😅 but yeah 2ps feel pretty useless!

And I just googled this for you because I actually didn’t have a clue, but apparently they’re printing the new notes in June for Charley boy, but it’s gonna take a while to get Lizzie out of circulation lol probably a year or 2!

Time for a masterclass in british money hehe

I hope this better explains the British coinage system better looool but anything that has a pound within it can also be called quid. So if you have have £1 you can call it a "quid", or £10 can be called "10 quid" etc

This so informative, thank you!! And so many coins. I mean it makes sense because coins last longer, making them the more economical choice, but still.

Are 2p coins popular to use? I feel like they’d be more of a nuisance than anything. I’m also surprised you don’t have a £100 note. Is Elizabeth still on all the notes or have they updated them to Charles?

I suppose it’s like how here dollar and buck are interchangeable.

#money talks #🤪 #honestly put Princess Diana on the notes instead please

[itsswritten]

So I’ve been told I’m the queen of header aesthetics (by the lovely @writingcroissant thanks love 😘)

But looking for stunning visuals always inspires me to write and I actually thought there could be a really fun way to get you guys involved in my next one shot! I really wanna give Cassian a go, and would love for you guys to help me figure out what to write about but with images!

I’ve found 10 images that I feel are very Cassian coded and I was thinking the top three that are voted for can become the header of the story which will essentially help me decide what to write??? Let’s give it a shot anyway 🤍

#if this doesn’t work maybe there’s another way we can do it but let’s see! #cassian x reader #cassian x you #cassian x y/n #cassian #acotar #cassian x you x Azriel

[itsswritten]

As if my shit has even been grouped alongside these talented folk 🥹 and shared by you too, what a compliment 🫶🏻

Also I’m glad you appreciate my fic headers, I think I spend more time on Pinterest searching for them than actually writing lol

Fave fan fiction atm? ✍️

This has been sitting in my inbox for ages but I collected a few gems I'd like to share:

A series I'm currently EATING UP is An Education in Malice by my love @illyrianbitch

Other recent favs by Rae:

Back to Our Roots (Az x reader + bff Cassian)

And I'm Thinking About Your Lips Parts 1 & 2 (Cassian x reader, YU-UM)

Words of Affirmation (Cass x reader, SO CUTE I STG)

Then by the lovely @itsswritten QUEEN of aesthetically pleasing fic headers:

Wings (Az x reader, focus on the IC, SO adorable and aesthetic)

Threads of Hazel (literally shattered my heart so thanks for that)

And a few other oneshots I've recently read and LOVED:

Fire Night by @b00kdiary (first Eris fic I've ever read! Loved it!!)

Amber eyes, looking into mine by @daycourtofficial (SECOND Eris fic I've ever read, and I fear I'm slowly falling for him)

Let Me Keep You Company by @utterlyazriel (Az x reader, this is all the fluff, will make you warm and fuzzy)

Captured by @azrielhours (Az x reader, would literally kill to have a man like that)

Lessons In Touch by @assriels (Az x reader, I honestly loved this so fucking much, it's a MASTERPIECE)

Also: I always tag my recommendations "fic rec" so just search for that on my blog and find a goldmine of masterpieces!

#lots of amazing fics here to definitely read #lottie’s recs

[itsswritten]

WHATS A MATE!!! WHATS A MATE!!! HAHAAHAHA OMG HOWS HE GONNA EXPLAIN THIS THEN!!

This was just perfection!!! 🫶🏻🫶🏻 soooo worth the wait, thank you for blessing us with this Kathie 💕

If It All Fell (6)

Pairing: Azriel x Reader

Summary: If it all fell apart—if you forgot who you were—would you love him again? Would the bond guide you back? Azriel doesn't know if that uncertainty is one he can bear.

Word count: 3.5k

Warnings: Angst, PINING

a/n: Sorryyyy for the wait <3 As a lot of you know I have been going through it lately, but I really enjoyed writing this and hope to post more immediately 🤜. Let me know what you think :))

Part 1 ♡ Part 2 ☆ Part 3 ✶ Part 4☼ Part 5 ☁

Series Masterlist

~~

Day Court was immeasurably beautiful—with all of its pristine columns reflecting orange light. Marble flooring shone with distorted images of acrylic brush strokes that hung on granite walls. Fountains billowed at the mouth of every doorway, sculpted fixtures at their bases. Warm wind kissed your skin and glistening waters welcomed you and Day Court was so incredibly beautiful. 

You were sure, if given the chance, you would think the same of its residents. 

Unfortunately, you were not given the chance to come to that conclusion. 

“The High Lord is in a meeting. He sends his apologies for not meeting you upon your arrival—the merchants of Day can get a bit rowdy,” the servant laughed. “I can show you to your rooms in the meantime.”

“Rooms?” Rhysand posed. You attempted to look over Azriel’s wing to gauge the conversation, but Cassian took another step to the side, halting your movement. 

“Yes, Helion informed us that the four of you would be here, so we prepared four rooms. If that’s not—”

“Three rooms will suffice, thank you,” your High Lord drawled. 

The servant squeaked, and you were sure if you could see her, her nerves would be evident. “Of—of course, High Lord. I assume Lady Y/n will be with—”

“We will deal with the division of our rooms on our own. Thank you…” 

“Amira,” the servant offered. “My name is Amira. I will be attending to you, Lady Y/n, during your time here.” 

You knocked your head to the side, brushing Cassian’s bicep as he stood beside you. You barely caught Amira’s mousey brown hair before the membrane of a wing flushed out and pushed you back. 

“She doesn’t need an attendant,” Azriel bit out, misplaced malice creating tension in the hall.

“Oh, it’s okay, I—” 

Apparently, not even your voice was allowed to be heard. Rhysand cut you off. “No attendant,” he confirmed, after sending his spymaster a sidelong glance laced with reproach. “No servants in our rooms, either. We are rather private, you understand.”

A pause. 

You wished you could see anyone’s expression. 

From beside you, Cassian offered you a pity smile, nudging you with his elbow in an act of comfort. 

“Anything you require,” Amira shakily responded. “Shall I walk you back, then? Just to show you where you will be staying?” 

“Lead the way.” 

Azriel immediately stepped back, his shadows scrambling past him to enclose you in dim light. You felt his presence, firm and tall, looming at your back as you took the first few steps down the hall. 

This all felt entirely misplaced, with the bleakness of your group extinguishing some of the vibrance of the court you walked through. Cassian kept close to your side, some of Azriel’s shadows drifting off and cloaking the red glow on his hands and chest. Rhys, ever the High Lord, took up the front, footsteps light but purposeful. 

Everyone looked grim. 

Except for you. 

This court held no negative connotations for you, no malicious undertones that impacted the rest of your family. It was simply beautiful, and your family was simply cloistering you. 

But you agreed to this; anything to make them feel better. 

To make Azriel feel better. 

You turned your head to the side as you walked, catching the shadowsinger in your peripheral. Tense, on-guard, unyielding; Azriel’s jaw was set in a firm clench, but it was different from what you were used to. When he was tense at home, it was almost out of… anticipation? Trepidation? 

Here though… here his posture was derived from rage. From practiced, honed fury. 

You turned your head away before you attempted to fix it, to comfort him. He wanted to be angry, told you as much before he winnowed you to Day in a flurry of his shadows. 

I’m going to be different, he had told you, I need to be different. It can’t be like the last time. I can’t let you get hurt. 

The fear in his eyes had melted away in the Day Court sun; the second your feet landed on meticulously carved cobblestone, Azriel was no longer just your friend. 

Amira led you to three doors along a wall, mumbled a few parting words, and bowed away before anyone could send her a second glance. You attempted to offer her a reassuring smile amidst her flee, but Azriel’s shadows were too dense. A hand on your back led you into a room and Amira was gone. 

“That went well,” Cassian breathed, a long sigh punctuating his descent into a loveseat by the bed. “She didn’t look terrified at all.” 

The bedroom door clicked shut. Rhys raised his brows. “She’ll thank us later.” The High Lord’s eyes drifted to the shadowsinger sulking by your side. “This isn’t exactly a leisurely visit.” 

Your gaze shot around the room in the following lapse of silence, analyzing the tense nature of each male. The air felt stagnant and stiff, the light somehow dimmer even with the open windows, and you weren’t sure if your voice would make it worse or ease some of the pressing emotions. 

Rhys took a seat in a chair by the door, and you decided speaking was better than leaning into the uncomfortable silence. 

“It’s so beautiful here,” you began, playing with your fingers, second-guessing your decision to stand. Azriel remained motionless at your side. “The sun feels different somehow. Brighter, maybe?” 

“The skies have an affinity for their namesake in the solar courts,” Rhys offered kindly. 

You hummed, rolling onto your toes and then rocking back on your heels. “I suppose that makes sense. The nights are incredible back home.” 

The use of that word—home—did not go unnoticed by the group. Not by you and certainly not by the male standing guard at your side. The replacement of the word had been relatively common since you woke up. 

Here in Velaris, there is…. 

When you came back here all those years ago…

Let’s go back to the house…

Never home.

But being in Day—being away from Velaris—just solidified what you already assumed. Velaris was your home. You were sick of letting your family dance around that truth. 

~~

“Mother above, I was sure I would never see you again,” a strange voice tore your attention from Cassian’s vivid retelling of your first time flying with him, and although it was an interesting story, the man before you was even more enticing. 

With deep skin and an even deeper smile, white linen billowed around his confident figure. The man appeared to glisten as he walked toward your small group, golden sandals trailing up bronze calves. Even the air around him seemed to glow. 

Enticing didn’t seem to be the correct word. 

You’d been directed into a rather large study after a brief lunch and a “tour” of the grounds that only included the wing you were staying in. Rhys had chalked it up to Helion stalling for time. You’d tried to coax a more comprehensive tour out of the guard leading you around, but a sharp look from Azriel was enough to put that conversation to rest. 

“You look just as you did. Perhaps a bit gaunt but…” The man—Helion, you’d deduced—trailed off when the whisper of a shadow trailed at his neck. “I am Helion,” he smiled. “You have known me for many years. In love with me, as most are. But, alas, it is not fated.” 

Some of your awe shifted to shock. “I am—I’m sorry, I am in love with you?” 

In front of you, Cassian let out a long breath and fanned his wings out before letting them hang behind his chair. You sat straighter in your own seat, mortification creeping into your chest at the small laugh Rhys let slip across the room. What set your mouth into its flurry, however, was the raised brow you received from Helion. 

“I didn’t mean that to offend. I mean—what I meant was just that… Well, no one said I had a lover or even mentioned you in that way so it came as a shock. But I presume there is much about myself I have yet to learn so… you are a very beautiful man and I’m sure—” 

“Y/n, it’s alright,” came Azriel’s soothing voice from beside you, his scarred fingers pushing hair behind your ear halting your apologies. “He was only joking.” A pointed look in the High Lord’s direction. “He does that from time to time, unfortunately.” 

More mortification made an appearance. 

“Oh.” 

Helion’s raised brow had morphed into an unsure expression at some point amidst your rambling. “When they said you had no memory… You will have to excuse me, y/n. I assumed you’d have more… context. Especially with your abilities.” 

“We told you she remembered nothing and had no access to her magic,” Azriel defended, his fingers dropping to rest beside your thighs. 

“Well, yes, but often when magic tampers with the mind, the personality remains intact. Like a muscle memory.” 

“Oh, her personality is there,” Cassian retorted, a bittersweet smirk playing at his lips. “Just not when she’s met you five seconds ago and you’re revealing fake truths. Sarcasm doesn’t often work with strangers.” 

Helion nodded grimly, turning back to you. “I apologize.” 

“It’s really alright,” you comforted, attempting to calm some of the twisted guilt marring the High Lord’s face. “They worry too much. Right now everything I do is without context and I find myself embarrassed more often than not. It’s not your fault.” 

Helion did not look convinced or reassured. His eyes simply traveled to the corners of your face and tracked down to the patterns Azriel was drawing into the skirts of your dress. 

“Do you see now why we needed to come to you,” Rhys chimed in from above his crossed arms. 

Helion hummed. “Yes. Shall I get started then?” 

The room shuffled. You were informed that Helion had to be touching your head to assess the injury—unlike Rhys’s assessment—so you were sat atop a table to give him better access. Azriel followed by your side, his front pressed against the table, Cassian stood his ground behind Helion, and Rhys took up residence on your other side. 

“In Day, we have a type of healing that extends to magical wards and enchantments, was that explained to you?” Helion asked, kind eyes never leaving yours. Too kind—uncertain and full of reproach.

“Yes, they said maybe the witch put something in my mind. Like a blockage.” 

“Precisely. And I was informed about Rhysand’s unsuccessful attempt at entering your mind. That could be due to a spell, which is why I would be more useful.”

Rhys scoffed. 

You let a smile tug at your lips, but it was quickly extinguished when you considered the outcome of this process. “Will it feel the same? What you’re doing and what Rhys did?” 

You could almost hear the way Azriel ground his jaw. 

Helion glanced at him from the corner of his eye. “It will feel different. I am not in the business of thoughts or memories. I won’t be able to access anything other than any inflictions you may have.” 

“So it won’t hurt?” 

“I cannot promise anything.” 

The table beneath you shifted an inch, just to be caught by hands glowing with blue light.

I need to be different. It can’t be like the last time. I can’t let you get hurt.

“Still sure you can’t just beat the crap out of whatever’s going on in my head?” you posed to Cassian, tilting your head up to call over Helion’s shoulder. 

The general’s chuckle eased some of the tension in the room. “I would if I could.” 

“Promise?” 

“Always.” 

With a resigned breath, you nodded to Helion. The High Lord’s hands glowed a golden white, he lifted them to your head, and then there was nothing. 

~~

Azriel

If he hadn’t shot his hand out when he did, Azriel was sure your head would have fallen out of Helion’s grasp and plummeted to the floor. 

You were limp. 

Eyes closed, neck bent—completely and utterly limp. 

Azriel took the liberty of tugging on the bond just to make sure you were still alive. He hadn’t done so since you woke up in the forest, remembering the fear in your eyes, but you looked so incredibly lifeless. 

“Helion,” he barked, his worried expression never turning from your face. 

Icy panic gripped his stomach, twisting it with fervor. 

Cassian took a step forward. 

“Why is she unconscious?” his brother gritted out. His tone was an empty threat; he couldn’t hurt a High Lord, and neither could Azriel, but Azriel would do much more for much less. 

His life had become a nightmare. 

Literally. 

On his worst nights, he relived the time you went missing and the subsequent loss of your memories over and over until he woke up screaming. His heart would beat so rapidly it seemed impossible to slow and he would be inconsolable for several minutes, but he always had you there. He would wake up from that nightmare and you would be there. 

He had that dream every night now, and he woke up to the same. The guestroom he occupied didn’t smell like you, and even though you were just on the other side of the wall, he couldn’t make out the sound of your breath enough to let it lull him back to sleep. Nothing you owned was in that room. Everything he owned was still in a pile by the door after Feyre had rushed to clear the evidence of him from your space. But why did that matter? What were books and trinkets and clothes in a room that was otherwise devoid of everything he loved? 

Leaving his room was worse. 

Gods, all he wanted to do was hold you. To really, truly hold you and for you to hold him back. But you looked at him cordially, the same way you looked at Cassian and Rhysand and Mor. 

When he left the house he had to deal with Feyre and Nesta’s constant questioning. Even Amren had taken an interest in your well-being, and while he appreciated the care for his mate, he couldn’t take it. 

He couldn’t take echoing the words, “She’s fine. Healthy. Less pain today,” over and over when he could tell what they really wanted to know were things you wouldn’t share with him. He couldn’t take the fact that you didn’t tell him you loved him—that he would whisper it at your back every time you turned around and you never heard. You were skittish at his touch and shy when you spoke and you were never the first to voice your opinion and he just couldn’t take it. 

With your head in his broken hand, Azriel felt another piece of him crack. 

“I did it.” Rhys broke the silence, a concentration twisting his brow. “Helion and I agreed it was the best way to go about this. It had to be sudden though—unexpected. We needed a moment where her mind was completely unexpecting.”

Cassian cursed. “You couldn’t have told us that before you made it look like she died, Rhysand?” 

“If y/n were dead no one would be standing here right now and you know that.” 

“Still,” Cassian mumbled. “Warn a guy.” 

“I’ve felt this before,” Helion said, shaking his head. “But that’s impossible. Rhysand, you would have—” 

“I would have, yes, but not if it was created through other means. It was a witch, not a daemati.” 

“She could have been both.” 

“Extremely unlikely. Keep going.” 

Azriel watched the way your lashes fluttered, counted the beats of your heart and pretended you knew who he was. 

“What’s happening?” he asked. “You’re both in her head. Talk.” 

“I couldn’t get through the wall myself because it wasn’t her magic,” Rhys explained. “I assumed it was the witch’s, but this signature is too similar. It’s exactly like it was before, just muted.” 

“Like it was before?” Azriel repeated, finally turning his head up. 

Rhysand looked grim. “Almost identical.” 

“That isn’t possible,” the shadowsinger immediately refuted. “I killed that bastard myself. There is no way he could have done anything to her.” 

“Azriel, I think it’s possible that—” 

But Azriel did not let the High Lord of Day finish his thought. “You don’t speak to me about her,” he seethed. “Not when she came to your court and one of your people did this to her. I trusted you with her. I sent my mate here and she has been paying the price for that ever since. This is your fault, so you do not tell me what you think. You tell me what is certain.”

The room went silent, and Helion looked back at you, eyes glazing as he continued his work. 

A strong, steady hand clapped against Azriel’s shoulder. It took Cassian three tugs before Azriel reluctantly let your head go, but only after Rhysand placed his own hand at your back. 

“Look, I get it,” Cassian comforted, hands on his brother's arms. “If this was Nesta I’d probably be tearing this room apart right now. But he’s all we have here. And you know it wasn’t his fault last time. You remember how hard he worked to get her back.” 

Azriel ignored him.

Cassian roughly shook his frame. 

“Hey, you know that. And you know y/n’s going to be pissed at you when she gets her memories back and hears how much of an ass you’re being to Helion. She’s going to be severely pissed if you start a war trying to kill the guy.” 

“If.”

The small smile Cassian was sporting faltered. “What?” 

Azriel finally met his eyes. “If she gets her memories back. It was an if last time and it’s an if again.” 

The two High Lords discussed quietly in the back, their hands still on you. Azriel’s shadows refused to leave your side, weaving through your hair and your clothes and the fingers against your head. 

“Well last time she got them back, didn’t she?” 

“You truly believe that will happen twice? I was praying to the mother for luck the first time, Cassian. She won’t listen again. I guarantee she won’t.” 

“Az…” Cassian trailed off. There was no speech to formulate, not when defeat and resolution were so clear on his brother’s face. 

“She won’t love me a third time.” 

Your cough had Azriel bolting away from his brother’s concerned gaze in an instant. You were no longer in Helion’s grasp, instead leaning against Rhysand’s arm as the High Lord of Day scribbled something in a book.

“Ow.” You rubbed at your head with a pinched expression, squinting up at Azriel as he leaned down. “I think I passed out or something.” 

It was mostly out of hysterics, but a small laugh escaped the spymaster. “Or something.” 

Gods, you sent a spark of joy down the bond and it was all-consuming. You did that from time to time, unintentionally flooding Azriel with whatever emotion you felt the strongest. More than once he had to stop himself from opening his side completely just to relish in the reminisce you offered him. 

“What about this time? Did we figure it out?” you slurred, squeezing your eyes open just to have the drop closed once again. 

Azriel tucked his hand against the back of your head and looked expectantly at the two High Lords before him. 

When Helion spoke, Azriel let him, if only because he was still living on the high of his mate’s lingering amusement. “Whatever the witch did, it was a mimicry of the daemati that tore into her head all those years ago. I need to do more research, see if I am able to undo whatever it is she redid without irreparably damaging her mind. If I can’t, the only answer is the witch.” 

“Is that even possible? To mimic something like that?” Azriel asked, stepping forward so your drooping head would fall against his arm. 

“Witches draw power beyond their reserve and even beyond the cauldron. We know so little about them. Tamlin should not have been making deals with them,” Helion curtly replied. 

Any lightness in the room had very clearly disappeared. 

“Take your mate back to your room. We can discuss this when she no longer looks like she’s fighting to stay awake.” 

“I am awake,” you argued, trying and failing to haul yourself into an upright position. 

Rhysand huffed out a laugh. “I wouldn’t even be awake after having two high lords in my mind. Go rest. We will talk in the morning.” 

Azriel assisted as you stood on unsteady legs, but the attempt was futile. The shadowsinger gathered you into his arms as you sent an accusatory finger in Rhysand’s direction. “Liar.” 

It wasn’t until you were alone in the hallway, your head against Azriel’s shoulder, his arms beneath your body, that you spoke again.

“Azriel?” 

He hummed in response. 

“What’s a mate?”

#this is one of my fave series on here #lottie’s recs