#and that was a “funny story” when in hindsight i was 1. being a kid and 2. very clearly having sensory issues

[nanomooselet]

Episode Two: The Running Man

It's odd how little gets said about this ep, considering it's the most direct homage the earlier anime adaptation - but maybe that might be why? Since, as I said, this was my entry into the story, to me it felt out of place. It seemed like it was doing all it could to distract from how the previous ep concluded.

With hindsight, I think that's the idea.

The opening with the radio! I'm so weirdly fond of it. Yeah it's a flashback, but it shows Vash in a private moment without his mask; a glimpse of his secrets. He's not wearing his coat, so you get a look at how broad his shoulders are; he's also handling the tools to maintain his gun skilfully for someone who claims he's not a fighter. As he's contemplating the crash - he was there, obviously, and he has the photo of him, Rem and Nai still - the radio host says without the Plants, our ancestors would have died out long ago. How long ago? Long enough that Vash likely shouldn't still look such a gosh darn pretty boy? Yet it slips by.

(I do not understand the complaints that Stampede had no mystery.)

This is the episode where he's most committed to the bit of being cute but sort of hapless and silly, too, so the contrast is dramatic. I don't think he was actually expecting Meryl and Roberto to clear his name all at once, but I do think he was hoping, I don't know, maybe they'd believe him from the first. But nothing's ever that easy for my boy. I gotta say, Vash, optimism has its limits. Your story is that you're being framed by your previously unknown identical twin brother. You know it's true, I know it's true, but you might have had an easier time with some, I don't know… evidence? It's not surprising the reporters are sceptical.

Oh god, I'm so sorry, do you want a hug or -

(By the way, this means Knives told everyone it wasn't him, it was a one-armed man.)

He's being melodramatic, but I suspect also more sincere than what comes across - which is the whole reason he exaggerates, of course. (What? No, I'm not talking from experience. I have never, ever done this. Never ever in A MILLION YEARS have I exaggerated to obfuscate my sincerity.) The angle changes to show his face, and it's pretty clear how genuinely exhausted and upset even the thought of Knives makes him. Though it is still pretty funny that Meryl just isn't having it.

Also funny: Meryl versus the Worms, round one. Worms 1, Meryl 0.

Roberto greeting Tonis is really cute. He's a grump, but he's never an asshole to kids.

Ahhhh Tonis gives Vash his bugs and Vash pats his head and then he moves to take his hand away Tonis grabs it so he'll keep doing it and then when Rosa tells Tonis to leave Vash look dismayed and waves goodbye and it is so cute and IT IS SO SAD.

Because Rosa loves her son, wants him healthy and happy and safe, wants him shielded from the violence of the world and from decisions like pulling a gun on the hero of your town who's been nothing but good to you, better than you deserve - and yet we saw Rosa come to the decision that she would do this last episode. Right about... here. See the way she moves from standing in front of him, almost protectively, to beside him, clearing the way? By the look on her face, she doesn't want to. Vash proved himself yet again afterwards, saved the town without hesitation the moment it was endangered at great risk to himself. He's a good man, a friend, someone she trusts. But it's not him Rosa's thinking of now. It's not even the town. It's Tonis.

I have to say, Roberto doesn't look shocked or concerned. He just wearily sets down his mug and raises his hands, expression unchanged. Meanwhile Meryl's turned into a cartoon.

Vash understands. He didn't fight back against the MPs. He didn't instigate the duel. It's because of him that this is necessary. That just doesn't mean he's going to make it easy for them.

Ah, that old Stampede special: the undignified leg-spread landing.

Man the English dub is good, but it's this episode I started to realise how good. It's incredibly funny. "The furious fists of the Nebraska Family challenge you to a duel!" "Felt the fury right there!" "Money! Come back!" "I hope you like pancakes, because you're going to become one!"

There's one translation I'm not sold on, though, and it's Nebraska declaring "Power is justice! Power is truth!" I had the same problem in Persona 5 Royal when I played it and the characters kept going on about how they'll "prove our justice". It sounds so awkward.

From what I can tell, the word they're using translates more clearly to "moral rightness" or "righteousness", and the score title for Stampede renders what Nebraska says better: might is right. He's advocating Social Darwinism, basically. It's the natural order of the world: the strong deserve to flourish, the weak deserve to perish.

Nebraska: I hate cowards like you! This whole planet is fighting for survival! Anyone who runs is bound to die like a sorry loser! But you, Stampede! How dare you?! / You coward! I despise waste-of-life cream puffs like you! You have to fight tooth and nail to survive in this world! If those who can't hack it run away and die like chickens, then so be it! But you? I expected more, Stampede!

Vash: You might be right that I'm too timid. But is that such a terrible thing? Is fighting everything head-on so important? Even if it gets someone killed? / Okay, I may not be the bravest, but what's so terrible about being a little timid? Is fighting head-on always right? It risks lives, and for what?

Nebraska: Weapons… are made for fighting! Do you get it now?! There's no future for those who don't fight! / I might as well, huh? It's what the damn thing's made for! That'll show ya! Any snivelling slug too scared to fight must die!

Vash: Come on, can you back off? I really don't want to fight anyone. / Can you guys cool it for a second? I'm really not in the mood for violence.

Nebraska: That's the attitude that pisses me off! / When the world ends, will it ask if you're in the mood?

It's kinda funny that Nebraska keeps going on about it, though, because he also keeps demanding accommodation for his son's weakness. If he was really committed he'd rely only on himself instead of endangering Gofsef. And yet oddly enough, it's the hypocrisy which saves him, because it's how Rosa realises how much they have in common. He loves Gofsef, just like she loves Tonis, and Vash forgives them both.

Enjoy the subtle gag of Meryl mirroring her "parents'" expressions, BTW.

Nabraska judging the townspeople for drinking before 5:00PM as if he didn't just destroy half the place trying to steal their only power source.

Gofsef being creeped out by Tonis's Worm buddies.

And Roberto visibly tuning out as Meryl tells him off.

I think the reason this feels like it's all happening so fast is because this is the place where an episode of the older adaptation would end, leaving some implied time to pass before the next crisis. But this isn't twenty-six self-contained episodes, it's twelve instalments of one story. The running man must continue to run, because it was never humans he was running from.

And I didn't realise this until now, but the drone in Vash's room? It's looking for him, or his things. It doesn't find either.

When it doesn't...

E.G. launches his assault, though the drones had been patrolling since the previous night. Vash was about to leave when he heard the scream from the diner and rushed back to help. And so he stayed long enough for E.G.'s master to arrive in person.

Whatever happened in Jeneora Rock, it seems it was necessary for Vash to witness it, so E.G. had instructions to keep him in place.

So E.G.'s cyborg enhancements look like a bear trap.

Of course.

#trigun stampede #meta: tristampparty episodes #tristampparty #trigun meta #scriptwriters knew exactly what was going on in ep 11 by the way #wonder where they got that sketch of vash looking adorable #somewhat convinced knives chose it to annoy vash #dig the subtle worldbuilding of the cars out there all being crap #but the eom's truck never has a problem

[ang3lb1iss]

Notre Dame | paris paloma | Part 1 of 2 

Word count: 2.7k 

Pairing: James Potter x F!Bestfriend Reader 

Summary: Hogwarts years | You were James’ best friend since first year. Throughout your years at Hogwarts, you had started to develop a crush on James, but you refused to act on your feelings due to the fact James only ever had eyes for Lily. Now you're sitting at his funeral, reminiscing about the past and you can't help but feel regret and guilt. 

Authors note: This is my first fic /one-shot so forgive me if it isn't that great to read, I just found it fun being able to interpret lyrics into stories about characters I love. The story loosely follows the Marauders scenes in the HP movies. I picture James with either a scouse accent or a really chavvy London accent, but you can picture him however you want. I apologise in advance if the tenses get mixed up, the story is made up of the reader looking back on the past and reliving certain moments. 

______________________________________________________________

‘I'm in the rafters looking down  It's cold up here  Between walls of stone  I made my home’ 

The church is cold and dim. Especially in the upstairs seating, which is where you are situated. As you try to listen to the speeches full of childhood memories and happier times, you can't help but lose focus and think about the what-ifs and how things could've gone differently. If you had never met James in that cabin on the way to Hogwarts, you wouldn’t be feeling this pain and heartache, but you also wouldn’t have had such a joyful and exciting time at the school. Hindsight is a funny thing after all. “What if it was me and not Lily? Why wasn’t it me? Why did I have to fall for him?” You wonder what the answers to these questions could be, but the harsh truth is that you never will, and you will live with the never-ending ambiguity until the day you die. 

‘And the air hangs heavy with the incense  Feathers fall from pigeons  Cooing in the tower’ 

Your first year, you remember it all so clearly. You were looking to find a cabin for the journey to Hogwarts, but the majority were filled, and in the rest, there were stone-faced older kids that openly sneered at you anytime you walked past them. Until you found his cabin. 

 He was the only one in there and you thought that he looked somewhat friendly, so you decided to take a chance. It ended up being one of the best decisions you’ve ever made. 

 He welcomed you in with a bright smile on his face, despite looking like his face would split with how wide his smile was, he asked you the standard questions, “What's your name? What house d’ya think you'll be in? D’ya want to be mates?” Of course, I wanted to be friends with him, I probably would have been miserable without him in my life but then again, I wouldn’t be so heartbroken now. Hindsight is a funny thing after all. 

You can recall the way his eyes gleamed when he introduced himself as James. James. Tears sprung to your eyes, making your surroundings go blurry. You can't help but miss the way he proudly said he was a Gryffindor “where dwell the brave at heart” and how Slytherin was full of “evil prats and I'd rather die than be in Slytherin.” You had always admired his pride and how he never let anything upset him too much or for too long. 

That is of course until Lily Evans became more vicious and spiteful in her rejections and jabs. Whenever James was insulted by his “Lilyflower” he let it break down his nonchalant persona and let it cut him deeper than any knife ever could. His Lilyflower. The common factor in all your suffering, you couldn’t blame her of course, it wasn’t her fault that a big oaf like James Potter fell in love with her. But it's not like that fact softened the blow in any way. 

You decided to stop that train of thought before you cried even harder. Instead, you choose to remember when the Trolley Lady came to the door and being breath taken at the assortment of sweet treats. Upon looking in your purse which was just a pouch, you’d realised that you didn’t have enough to get the Bertie Botts Every flavour Beans that you would've liked, with disappointment quickly replacing your awestruck expression, you had declined and took to looking out the window instead of having to see the trolley taunting you with all its colours and designs.  

That’s when you heard him. 

“We’ll take the lot of ‘em” you heard him say and you had insisted that he shouldn’t be wasting his money on you, but he simply drowned out your pleas and focused on the shock of the Trolley Lady. He was always so generous. 

After much reluctance and countless Thank you’s, you'd decided to have a few cauldron cakes and indulge in a chocolate frog when a small timid boy opened the compartment door and asked if anyone had seen his toad, he introduced himself as Peter Pettigrew and he ended up sitting with the both of you for the rest of the journey while you had pulled out a book to read and ended up falling asleep with your head leaning on the compartment wall. 

‘I rarely go down there, the view's just so beautiful from here  And I can see everybody at their worst points  At their worst points’ 

You start to remember the moment you openly started looking at James differently. It was the end of third year, and he had just won the quidditch match between Gryffindor and Slytherin after declaring during dinner in the great hall that Gryffindor was 100% going to win and he would “wipe his arse with the slithering bastards”.  

You also remember his mumbling and moaning about having to go to detention and you remember him being too busy laying his head on your lap when you both were in your dorm and going to sleep while you read a book. 

 But there he was on his broom hovering above the crowd that had formed to celebrate the win with him. The noise of screams, chants and shouts reverberated across the entirety of the school grounds. The thought of it making you shiver. While James was practically the same shade as the snitch by how brightly his smile was beaming, you were perfectly content with watching him from the Gryffindor stands and away from the chaos that was the Quidditch pitch. 

To this day you can still feel the way your heart skipped a beat when he looked up and smiled at you. At least you thought it was at you. You noticed his wet hair, whether it was because of the rain, him sweating or a combination of both, you didn’t care. His curly dark brown hair that normally looked so fluffy and messy that you just wanted to run your hands through it and make it somewhat tidier.  

His arms that made his jersey look to be too tight, it made you picture scenarios with him being able to carry you places when you got too tired, fighting someone who tried to hurt you. You are still quite ashamed to admit the times when you got flustered at the thought of him using them to pin you against a wall and having a heated makeout session in a broom cupboard. 

Thoughts aside, you had decided to retire to your dorm for a quick nap. The cold can be very tiring. You gathered your things and stood up only to see Lily Evans, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew sat together directly behind you. You hadn't even noticed them while you watched James previously. 

Lily and Peter said hello while Remus only managed an awkward tight-lipped smile. You and Remus didn’t become friends until your seventh year when you both bonded over being unrequited lovers. The reason for this being that you always felt like he could see through you. He knew things about people before they even knew it themselves which always made you paranoid that he could see your feelings for James and tell him, and as a result, ruining the best friendship you ever had. At least I don’t need to be paranoid anymore.  

Your mind skipped to fifth year, when you were sitting with the Marauders on a warm sunny day, exams had just ended, and you all were just waiting for the results to be calculated. That’s when you heard the boys get up and walk over to a nearby tree. You looked over and saw a mop of stringy black hair and a pale face with an expression of distaste painted on his face. Snivellous,, the foul git.  

You had chosen to stay far back enough that you could still see what happens clearly but ensured you weren't too close as to avoid McGonagall's wrath if she were to show up at the scene.  

The next thing you knew was that Snivellous was hanging upside down in mid-air. Levicorpus. You remember coming across the charm in the library with Sirius and James while looking for more spells for future pranks. You never got involved in the pranks because you didn’t fancy sitting in a silent room for an hour for detention or, Merlin forbid, whatever task Filch might've issued you with. 

There was always a slight rift between you and Sirius because of your refusal to get involved in pranks, he would never have outwardly said it in front of James or Peter because of their loyalty to you, but he disliked how you would only ever consider helping them if James had asked you. You were the only girl in Hogwarts he couldn’t sway with his charm and good looks. And Merlin did it get him jealous. Not that you had noticed back then at least. 

You ended that tangent before it made you spiral down a rabbit hole of confusion. You thought back the past, Snape was being held high by none other than James Potter. His fluffy green Slytherin socks and the sparse leg hair upon his dry ashen legs, were left on display for everyone to see. You had wondered what provoked James into performing such a spell. But your question was left unanswered as your attention had gone to Snape being dropped back onto the ground and Lily Evans being called a “Filthy Mudblood.” by her old childhood best friend. 

If anger meant seeing red, then James wasn’t seeing anything but of blind rage. “Don’t you dare call her that word you vile, disgusting creature.” There was an array of insults and cussing until Lily had brought him back to his senses. She told Snivellous to piss off and she waited until he was far enough away to round on James and unleash the anger that had been building inside her for years. 

You couldn’t hear what she said due to the fact she had put a silencing charm on the area but based off what James whimpered and whined about while he dreamt in your bed with you for comfort, she had probably said something along the lines of “I would rather kill myself then ever be your girl, Potter.” Hindsight is a funny thing after all. You couldn’t help but feel a pang of your heart at the fact that his soul had latched onto Lily and not you, not even giving you a chance.  

That was the night you realised that you would never get the guy. You will forever be condemned to loving James Potter. Your life will continue to be tormented with the possibilities that could've happened, the dreams that made you weep with despair and the everlasting longing and desire slowly encasing your heart until it breaks and shatters. James Potter was the light of your life, but he also caused the darkness that it left behind. James Potter was the sun, but now everything has gone dark. 

‘I'm not a sadist, I enjoy just being able to be witness of the loneliness and fear  I abhor in case there isn't one  In case there isn't one’ 

After that night, after your tragic discovery had become the only thing running through your head. You had pathetically tried to recover the way you saw James before you fell for him. You tried for 2 long years with no luck. He still had your attention and heart, and yet he didn’t realise he had either. So, when the Marauders split for the night, you decided to ask for help. 

You were suffocating with the grief and the mourning of what could've been. And you needed someone to help you breathe. 

With Peter and Sirius headed to the dorm, James doing his Head-Boy patrols with Lily, it was only you and Remus left in the library, the map and the invisibility cloak set to the side until you both decided to leave. It turns out you didn’t even need to say anything because Remus knew exactly what was going through your head. 

He saw the adoration in your eyes when you looked at your best friend, he saw the longing and upset you tried to hide when you heard him constantly talk about marrying Lily and having “Mini Potters” with her. No matter how well you tried, you couldn’t help but subtly display your inner turmoil. 

And Remus saw it all.  

“You're in love with James, aren't you, I see the way your eyes shine brighter, and your smile gets bigger when he enters the room. But he doesn’t love you back and you know it. I know you know it. And I know you’ve known it for years now. But I know what it's like, it feels like a constant weight on your chest and when they walk in the room, it disappears even if you try to hold it down, but then their presence, their joy, their affection for someone else, drains you, the energy you put in to try make them notice your love just gets brushed away until eventually it leaves you so empty that you become a hollow shell of the person that fell for them all that time ago.” 

“I can't tell you how to get rid of it simply because I don’t know how to, but I can offer you some advice that I should've taken before it was too late. Leave, Leave them alone. Leave their life. It'll suck balls for the first while I'm sure but by staying you're degrading yourself. All your insecurities and the suffering you're facing now will pass. This is doomed love sweetheart. You're slowly breaking down. Leave. Before you can't piece yourself together again.” 

And with that he leaves the library. 

How are you supposed to leave his life? How are you supposed to keep him out of yours? The questions won't stop plaguing your mind, do you take Remus's advice and move on, or do you ignore him and feel your heart pull and crack every time you see him. The choice will be the most difficult one you will ever make and yet it’s the one that needs to be made. 

You walk into potions the next day, you thought that it would help make a choice if you avoided him for a day as a trial. Instead of sitting in your normal seat, you walked over and sat beside a Ravenclaw who you believed was called Pandora.  

The Marauders walked in and sat at their tables; you avoided James’ gaze when you looked over to you in confusion, but Remus diverted his attention elsewhere. You had inwardly thanked Remus for helping you out. 

As the lesson went on everything got worse and your decision became clearer and clearer. 

Since the year started, James had started to think twice about the pranks, he acted more mature in general and overall started becoming a man. All of this was for Lily of course. You couldn’t help but ask yourself if he would do the same thing for you if he chose you in the first place. 

You were taking notice of all the little things that you're usually too delusional to notice. 

How every time he made a joke or laughed; he would glance at Lily. You could feel your heart in your throat. 

How he would wink and smirk at her when he got an answer correct. A tear forms in your eye. 

How he would look over at her to make sure she understood the topic. Another tear forms. 

How he whispers the answer in her ear if she doesn’t know it. Another one 

How he shines with pride when Professor Slughorn appraises her. Another. 

More tears form until you couldn’t stop them anymore. Thankfully the class was dismissed, and you quickly left before the tears fell and left a salty trail down your cheek. A representation of your life back then. Although in thinking that you can't help but notice that it didn’t get any better. Hindsight is a funny thing after all. 

#james potter x reader #james potter #marauders era #marauders #remus lupin x reader #james potter x you #james potter angst #james potter x lily evans #lily evans #remus lupin #peter pettigrew #severus snape #sirius black #unrequited love #unrequited crush #heartache #marauders fanfiction #james potter fanfiction #james potter fic #james potter one shot #song lyrics #james potter imagine #marauders angst

[childhoodtv-kalimthefairy]

RidoAce week Day 1

Day 1: Childhood/Family

Yes I have a fic accompanying this drawing that took 3 hours and somehow ended up shitty. Also yes I’ll be doing both for each day, I am dedicated to this. I blame @writesology for getting me hooked on this ship. Anyways, Enjoy :)

When Riddle thinks about his childhood, he wouldn’t say it was a particularly exciting one. Really, it was more like a routine, he never had time to play with other kids because he was either studying or practicing magic. He remembered how he’d look outside his window, seeing kids playing and think to himself “Why would they waste there time? They don’t have a lot of time in life, why not dedicate it to preparing for a good future?”

Thinking back on it, he realized how idiotic it was. He didn’t know that though, at least until he met Trey and Chenya that fateful day. He remembered how they urged him to come outside to play with them, how that turned out to be one of the best decisions he has ever made. That day, for the first time, Riddle felt like a kid, a type of kid he read in his stories. Of course, everything must come to an end, that for Riddle was when his mother found out and banned him from independent studies. After that, for a few years, he forgot how it was like to be a kid. 

Then he went to Night Raven College, where he reached the rope really quickly. Still, he wasn’t well liked, his temper and stricklier for the rules wasn’t something people liked. And for a while, he was fine with that.

Until he Overbloted.

In hindsight, he should’ve seen it coming. How all the repressed emotions, over use of his magic, and his general unhappiness made him finally reach his breaking point. Funny enough, the way he broke wasn’t cause of pressure, it was cause a loud-mouth first year decided that he had enough.  

Ace Trappola. At first, he really did think Ace was attractive. Tall, beautiful eyes and seemed charming enough. Of course after eating his tart, Riddle decided he didn’t like him. He was a annoying, loud- mouth bother to him and he couldn’t see why he thought he was pretty.

But…After he overblotted, apologized to everyone and threw an unbirthday party, Ace seemed to warm up to him. Riddle, upon noticing this, found he didn’t mind.

As the months passed by, he found he really couldn’t shake the thought of the first-year out of his mind again. Everything Ace did, he noticed and it drives him crazy how he keeps finding them endearing. He wishes he could just squash those feelings down every time he talks to Ace, or sees him smile, or just being him just made his heart flutter.

He thought at the time that it would’ve been impossible for him to love him. They were so different, not just that but they had such a weird relationship, friends? Maybe? Something else. He wasnt sure at this point…

But then, much to his shock, Ace confessed. 

It was when they were doing homework, Riddle helping him with a particular math question, when Ace told him.

“Dormhead, I really cant keep it to myself anymore, but i like you.”

And after that, it was history. Genuinely, the last 2 years in NRC had been one of the best years of my life, i felt like a kid again. Ace even gave me a promise ring at when I was graduating…

And now, were living together, almost 5 years later with out-

“Dad!”

Riddle looked up from his writing, grinning at the child who stood infront of him. He had Ace’s hair and personality but Riddles eyes, piercing blue. 

“Daddd, come one papa made some pasta for dinner! He made it pink! Pretty pink!” The child whined, tugging on his fathers arm. Riddle grinned at him, “Now that sounds good right now. Will you take me to him, Orion?” Riddle asked, picking him up and kissing his cheeks. Just as he said that, Ace popped his head into the room, a grin on his own face. “Come on you two, dinner is gonna get cold if you dont get out here!”

Riddle and Orion nodded, the child kept chanting “pasta” as they went to dining room. As they sat down at the table, Riddle couldnt help but reminisc a bit. I mean, he was writing a book about his life since all his mothers…unsaviory, practicies came to light. Plus, he wanted to have something to look back on. But he couldnt help but think how ironic this was.

As a child he was told to look forward, follow the rules, marry a woman and to act maturely. But here he was, sitting with his husband and child, chatting happily, not caring for the rules currently.

If he thinks about it, alot of this is thanks to Ace, Trey and the others.

He has alot to be happy about.

If he could go back in time, hed tell his youngerself to love himself a little bit more. Take risks and to not listen to his mother.

But, if he did he would miss all of this, wouldnt he?

#ridoace #ridoaceweek23 #ace trappola #riddle rosehearts #riddle x ace #twisted wonderland #twst wonderland #fanart #twst #Yes there kids named orion #I will probably add him on epic musical AU I have going #Bro I love this ship #Kill me rn they are so cute #But the art and writing came out so shitty 😭

[yenzibenji]

I feel like rottmnt is ALOT like the MCU’s Spider-Man

Hear me out:

They were both criticised for not

-being serious enough (VERRYYY quippy n lighthearted fun)

-changes from the source material (aunt may’s age, raph being leader)

-the protags having it too easy (Peter being handed things by Tony, the turtles using magic)

But after Far From Home everyone realised that we missed the point of the two movies prior, the home trilogy was SETTING UP Spider-Man to become ‘THE’ Spider-Man. We had to get used to the ‘heheh funny lighthearted everything comes easy’ so when we’re pulled out of that (which would be far from home) it’s more impactful. The trilogy was in fact an origin story and now we have ‘THE’ Spider-Man, he’s the underdog, he’s alone, he has to take responsibility.

We had to stick through the ‘worse’ parts in the beginning to get that sweet sweet payoff in the end (like how u had to watch Arcane until ep 3, or we have to wait until Matt Reeve’s Batman evolves into ‘THE’ Batman that is widely known, or need to watch until the end of Moral Orel)

It’s playing the long game but our patience is awarded and everything is just so much better in retrospect

Now as for rottmnt, we can see the same thing happening. Season 1 was almost purely good lighthearted fun, season 2 leant more into plot, the movie… BOYYYY the movie-EMOTIONAL TRAUMA??? In season 1 raph was the leader and they used different weapons but at the end of season 2 Leo became leader again and they started using their usual weapons in other iterations (nun-chucks and all). They were becoming ‘THE’ teenage mutant ninja turtles

HELL the name ‘Mad Dogs’ is a still being workshopped? What if the moment they truly evolve into the usual tmnt they start actually calling themselves ‘THE’ Teenage Mutant Ninja turtles? What if like the home trilogy, the earlier seasons of rottmnt was more of an origin story to become the more like the widely accepted incarnations (granted, 2 seasons IS a lot to play the waiting game but TOH also really only GETS GOING after season 1. Maybe it’s a ‘kids’ show’ thing)

We can also see people appreciating season 1 and season 2 more for the seeds it planted (Leo being self sacrificing, bur it was played more for laughs before) which become better in hindsight like how the home trilogy has become better in hindsight

I just hope that the series gets at least one more chance because I’m afraid that they’re getting cut before they truly start

Anyways here’s some screenshots I took:

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt #teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt season 3 #mcu spiderman #no way home

[esta-elavaris]

1, 9, 21, and 38!

who is/are your comfort character(s)? James Norrington, Boromir, and Vasya from the Winternight Trilogy.

The first two because? They're just such Good and Honourable Men - I almost said in spite of their flaws, but honestly because of them? Because they face them and regret them and try to fix them as best they can? I don't think I'd ever have looked twice at either beyond "o he's cute" if they were just archetypal perfect warriors who win battles and go home.

And Vasya because I see a lot of myself in certain aspects of her - although she's far more badass. But, y'know, aspirational ig!

which do you prefer, hot coffee or cold coffee? Both but I tend to drink it hot just because it's easier to make a good hot coffee than a good iced one. Like sometimes I'll make a hot coffee, put it in a flask by my bed for morning if I need to be up and ready to go quickly, so I drink it cold then but it's not proper *iced* coffee. Also fuckin love an iced mocha frappucino when I'm able to snag one - but I hate ordering in coffee shops bc it's always so loud and I feel like I never hear what the server is asking me, it's a bad time for all involved.

something you’ve kept since childhood? God slight trauma dump ahead feel free to skip, nothing too sinister, there was this very old book called The Hugs and Kisses Contest that my father used to read to me when I was a kid. My relationship with him completely fell apart over the course of a couple of years, for reasons tied up into the homelessness mess, it's a very long and tedious story that nobody wants to hear or tell but it's difficult to sort of summarise, but the point is amongst all of that when we were sorting through 25 years worth of shit to either bin or keep before we had to be out of there for good, in my very last hour of being in the house I'd lived in since birth, having gone from being very very very close to not speaking at all beyond what was absolutely necessary, and we found the book at the back of a shelf and he asked me whether I wanted to throw it out or keep it and I just said "keep" and left the room. It was A Lot. Not to get all 2deep for that one, but it's the only thing I could think of 🙃 just a thing of "things will never be how they once were, it can't be fixed, but I'm grateful for what good there was while it was there."

Anyway I started CTW when all of that was in the process of going down, and finished it when the dust had finally settled afterwards, and I think it uhhh shows at times. In hindsight it definitely does, but none of it was intentional while writing. Funny how that works!

a soap bar that smells good? God, wouldn't it be funny if I was like "ah, yes, the soap my estranged relative once gave me--" and just killed the vibe even more?

Nah there's this artisanal one my nana gets me every year for as part of my Christmas from this Scottish-based company and it smells gorgeous - very subtle, like not super floral or citrus or anything, but really nice! It's called After the Rain.

Thank you!! 💜 (And sorry for the sudden intense answer!)

#asks #ask game

[hushbats]

Jonathan Byers’ Bogus Journey: Day 2

Read: Day 1 Day 2 Day 3 Day 4

Read Part 2 on AO3

Day 2: 08/15/1987

Devil’s Backbone State Park, Missouri

We have our first – and hopefully last - detour.

We were barely out of Indiana when we passed a sign for Devil’s Backbone, and Eddie declared it the most metal sounding name for a campsite that he’d ever heard and insisted we just had to go. It was way out of our way. Finding the place was a real nightmare and we got lost several times with Steve navigating. It was late afternoon before we found the place so now, we’ve pretty much lost a day. I swear they must have planned it because Steve had conveniently packed a tent and a couple of sleeping bags. I swear, if I miss Argyle’s birthday because of these idiots, I’ll…I don’t know what I’ll do, but I’m going to be so pissed. I planned it so that there would be some time to spare in case we broke down or something. I didn’t factor in the three of them derailing everything. I was out voted of course, so what could I do but just go along with it.

Myself and Steve were on tent duty seeing as we were going to be the ones sleeping in it – with warning to pitch it well away from the van where Eddie and Billy would be sleeping. I say myself and Steve, but it became clear very quickly that Steve had never been camping a day in his life and he was way more of a hinderance than a help. In the end, I set it up myself with Steve holding what I told him to hold and complaining through the whole process. Bonnie and Clyde were in charge of building the camp fire. In hindsight, we probably shouldn’t have assigned the two delinquents a job involving fire, but it went fine miraculously. They had pretty good fire going by the time Steve and I finished up. Now they’re toasting marshmallows, smoking weed, and telling stories around the fire. It’s actually pretty cosy.

“Okay, okay, last story. It’s kind of short but I promise it’s a good one. So, my uncle told me this one one night when he was drunk which means it’s 100% true. He heard it from his father, my grandfather. My grandpa went into check on my dad to say goodnight one night. As my grandpa was tucking my dad in, my dad asked, “can you check under my bed for monsters?” My dad was about five at the time. It was pretty normal request for a kid so my grandpa took a look. But when he looked under the bed he saw my dad, eyes wide with fear, whispering, “Daddy, there’s somebody in my bed!””

“Goddammit Eddie! Why does it always have to be a fucking creepy-ass story? Can’t you tell one of your stupid fantasy stories?”

“Aww, is widdle baby Biwwy scared?”

“Knock it off, Eddie. I’m serious. Do you want to be punched? Because you’re this fucking close.”

“Shit! Do you guys hear something?”

“Relax, Steve, it’s probably just a bird or something. Don’t let Eddie’s stories get to you.”

“Easy for you to say, Byres. You don’t believe in ghosts…”

“Wait, wait, wait. You believe in ghosts and shit! Oh my God, this is too good.”

“Quit your cackling, Munson.”

Steve and Billy are really on edge. And I don’t blame them for getting freaked out by Eddie’s stories. In anyone else’s hands, the stories were mediocre at best and downright funny at worst. But something about the way his eyes get all big and intense, body edging ever closer as he leans in, the flames of the campfire casting dark shadows on his face; it was all just a bit unsettling. He knows how to tell a good story; I’ll give him that. He has them hanging on to his every word as he builds up to the climax. The eeriness of being in a forest, miles from anyone, was only adding to the overall creepy atmosphere; sucking them further into whatever weird tale Eddie spun. They never stood a chance really whether they believed in ghosts or not. Even I had chills and I wasn’t even really listening.

“Whatever. I’m going to take a piss.”

“Ugh, I’d love to smack that smug smirk of his stupid face.”

“Can do, Harrington. And I know just the thing. You want in, Byres?”

“Hmm, what? Uh, no. I’ll leave it to you two.”

“You sure? You really don’t want to miss this. Trust me.”

“Nah, really, I’m good. You guys have fun scaring Eddie and I’ll keep an eye on the fire. Just don’t scare him too badly.”

“No promises. The little shit deserves it.”

As civil as Billy has been so far, I know firsthand how he can take things too far, especially when provoked. And Eddie’s been poking the bear all day without anything to keep him occupied. The vein in Billy’s temple was becoming more and more pronounced with every second that passed today. I guess calling him out on being a scaredy cat was the last straw. As long as I’m not on the receiving end of Billy’s temper, I don’t really care. Godspeed, Eddie.

It's actually nice out here in nature, away from all the noise. I couldn’t have asked for better weather; there’s not a cloud in the sky. A perfect night for star gazing. I might have to take up camping. I did it a little as a kid, but only in the field behind my house in summer to avoid Lonnie so it doesn’t really count. It would make for an amazing date. Speaking of dates, I wonder if Argyle likes camping. It would be nice to do something like this with him. We could head down to the beach, camp there in the back of Argyle’s van, get baked and trace constellations. Maybe if the mood is right and I don’t chicken out, we could have our first kiss there – a perfect kiss on a perfect date. If only I were here with him now instead of herding these idiots across the country, I’d be having a much better time for sure. At least I have a bit of peace a quite now that they’re all occupied.

“AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Jesus H Christ!! I’m going to murder you two in your sleep!”

Well, that was short lived.

#did i post this already? #oh well #jonathan byers #steve harrington #billy hargrove #eddie munson #stranger things #stranger things 4 #jargyle #mungrove #metal sandwich #harringrovson #jonathan stranger things #steve stranger things #billy stranger things #eddie stranger things #road trip au

[firespirited]

Mum’s doing an informal thesis on Susan Sto Helit in Soul Music and she’s currently editing it down from a gazillion words to something readable.

We were hanging out while she’s taking a break from editing and I said to sis “soooo hehehe, guess what? a lot of readers headcanon Susan as autistic” and she goes HOOOOOOOOOOOOOO and we do finger guns at each other and are laughing about. Mum just wants to know why Susan would read as autistic and I give a bunch of reasons and she’s furiously typing them into her document then sis and I are like “okay okay guess we should explain to you why we think that’s so funny and relatable" and suddenly neither of us could find words. I managed to babble out something about androids and aliens as being more relatable to me than the heros in some stories which is not really true and it’s bothering me that i said that.

There’s a phrase right? something like egg cracking character but not for gender. Things that you look at in hindsight and go “ah. yes. indeed. goodness gracious how did nobody catch that*?!”

*In my case, I was diagnosed by a pediatrician with dyspraxia and “problems focusing” who said to 1/ absolutely not tell me and 2/ disregard the diagnosis “because labels cause kids (and their parents) to not push through their problems, falling back on the excuse of their diagnosis” 👀

It’s not blorbo, blorbo is beloved but not necessarily the character that reflects something of you (want to protect) and also representation (derogatory) when it’s your cringe parts that you havent yet really accepted.

What key words am I missing? it’s usually headcanons not explicit representation and often retroactive as in you didn’t realise you were this or that at the time or your didn’t know that multiple people who are this or that also felt like this character was important. hmm.

What the word for egg cracking or gay awakening but neurodivergence?

#saf #fandom language #Susan Sto Helit

[beaniebabs]

so anyway we were all bullied by our own (adult) family for showing ND traits right? obviously we were bullied in school bc 1. kids are cruel and 2. parents can teach their kids to be ableist but. yeah. it’s definitely something else when it’s grown ass adults mocking you for things they should know better than to mock a fuckin child for. plus they should have some semblance of knowledge of, y’know. mental illnesses and disorders and shit. do y’all have any stories?

#ig my parents were throwing away/recycling an old softball bat of mine? #and it brought back memories of stories they’d tell me #i was too young to remember stuff myself or just my brain forgot the rest of it #but my mom would always tell me about how “dramatic” i was when i did sports #like when i played tee ball in kindergarten(?) #i apparently would always complain about my uniform being itchy and uncomfortable #and at one point i took it off when i was in the little. room. where we kept the equipment and stuff #and that was a “funny story” when in hindsight i was 1. being a kid and 2. very clearly having sensory issues #also those times when i was having breakdowns/meltdowns #once. i remember this clearly by myself and also bc of being made fun of it for years #my mom recorded me sobbing and having a breakdown in the kitchen while she laughed and mocked and made fun of me behind the camera #and the other. i couldn’t fold towels perfectly and i had a breakdown in the bathroom and she brought it up for years as if it was a #character flaw on my end and not. mental illness/neurodivergence #yeah. that’s all i remember off the top of my head but i knwo for a fact there’s been more #why do grown ass adults feel the need to traumatize children? #also i just remembered my parents used to horrendously make fun of my aunt(?) with down syndrome behind her back and they fucking recruited #child-me to do it too and i’m. fucking ashamed of myself but god #yeah this is mostly just me remembering they’re horrible people i shouldn’t try to have relationships with anymore so thank god for that #but yeah (:

[caspercryptid]

Wait what was that bit about Pokémon Go nearly causing your parants’ divorce

Okay so sit down and strap in this is gonna be a long one.

So my father is a person that exists, right. Most of my stories about my father land somewhere in the "is your dad an alien" range of being that wonderful mixture of quirky and straight up horrifying that will definitely be funny in hindsight. Probably. Maybe.

Maybe.

Anyway he's really into Pokemon in the way of someone who's never actually played a pokemon game or... Any. Game. As far as I can tell. We had VCR tapes when I was a kid he recorded off of the TV with Pokemon episodes and he played them to me when I was in the crib so much that my first word was Squirtle, but he doesn't have the attention span for video games. And then comes the summer of 2016.

Now, some more context.

My father lost his telecommunications job in the great recession and after four years working overseas came home with his tail between his legs and found his second calling as a full time couch potato

My mother is a lapsed Catholic wound care nurse whose fond story about how she met my father starts with the words "he annoyed the piss out of me"

You can see how this is not exactly the setup for Marital Bliss. My brother and I used to take bets about if they'd get divorced once we both left for college. And then neither of us managed to stay at college. But anyway, back to the summer of 2016.

I'm gonna put a cut here and warn that this story is going to contain... Uuuuh unsafe driving, catholicism, and some weird weird emotional manipulation. Okay? Okay. Let's go.

So it was probably my fault, but in my defense, absolutely everybody needed more friends in Pokemon go in 2016, and I did not have an abundance of those, since, as mentioned. Home from college. And my father has a habit of trying to stay current, so while I can't place the exact conversation in my memory, it almost certainly went "hey what's this Pokemon game everyone is talking about" "oh it's a new app! It's really easy, you should try it." And there began the slowly unfolding horror of the next six years. Or maybe he asked me what all of those people were doing lurking around and the only thing I have to blame myself for is that time I introduced him to Reddit. Regardless, at the time that absolutely everyone was playing Pokemon go, my old fuck of a father was out there with my brother and I, and we like. Actually got along for like two blissful months. And then things started to get a little weird.

Now, my mother is, as mentioned. A nurse. She not only works an incredibly high stress job full time, she has no patience for superfluous crap, and so she was not joining us, and was in fact, starting to get a Little Stressed about the fact that instead of looking for a job my father was playing Pokemon go full time, joining discord servers for other players, and generally talking about the game nonstop and how much he hated team valor players. I kind of tuned that out because "your dad needs to get a job" was sort of a recurring motif in our household and like, I was a box office worker at a movie theater so what am I supposed to do about it, mom.

But here's the thing— box office at the movie theater is a night job. So I'd get home Late. And my dad's always had some problems with insomnia, so running into him as I was coming in wasn't Super unusual, but what WAS unusual was the fact that he was... Going out. As I was coming in. At 1 and 2 and 3am (hey kids don't buy tickets to the last showing of a movie on a weeknight your movie theater employees will thank you) and when I asked him what he was doing, he went. Oh you haven't heard about PokeRadar?

For those who didn't live this, or were too legit to use it, PokeRadar was a short lived hack that allowed you to see what was spawning on a map of your area and how long it would be there. So my father was opening his PokeRadar map at 1 and 2 and 3 in the morning and seeing that there was a Dratini down the street and just Wandering Out In The Middle Of The Night to catch it. I'll cop to having gone with him a few times, even. So that's. Happening. And then the server outages start happening, it gets more and more frustrating to play Pokemon go, they're slowing down releasing things, the community days are starting to suck, and my father is.... Still playing.

And not only is he still playing, he's getting worse. There's a Catholic church near our house with a gym on it and a bunch of Pokestops and he goes over there so often that a priest came out to talk to him about finding more meaningful pursuits. He started going to the church every Sunday during mass to take down the gym while no one's in the parking lot. (Remember I mentioned my mother being formerly Catholic? Yeah that one didn't go over great) He's also started softly kidnapping my brother and I every time we go out to eat. He just takes random detours on the way home and tries to convince us to join in the raid "since we're already here, come on, I need three people for this raid". He makes a discord account that has my great uncle's name (my mom's uncle) because it's the "most generic name he could think of". He literally will not let my brother and I go home directly after meals. He still doesn't have a job. My parents don't stock the fridge and my dad is going out to eat while Pokemon go-ing for every meal so it gets to the point where my brother and I look at each other and realize we literally have to play Pokemon go with this man if we want reliable access to food.

But the thing that really drove my drove my mother insane— after the 2am climbing out of bed to catch a Dratini and the lack of a job and the constant bitching about team valor and IVs and candies and the lack of food in the fridge and so on and so forth. And I am surely forgetting some of it. As if all of that weren't bad enough. The thing that Almost broke my mother was the fact that this man plays Pokemon go and drives.

When Pokemon go was first introduced they didn't quite have the egg hatching system figured out yet and you could hatch eggs while driving. And then they introduced the speed measure and you could only hatch eggs driving slow. But Pokemon still spawn at full car speed! And that is why my life has flashed fully before my eyes more than once because my dad has mounted the phone against his center console and just played. Constantly.

Anyway this story ends on a bit of an anticlimax, because I once asked my mother why she hadn't divorced my father yet and she looked me dead in the eyes and said "when you marry someone you swear to love them until they die" but I've lived with these miserable assholes for the better part of 25 years and I swear my mother has never been closer to divorce papers than the day my father decided it would be a good idea to go 15 miles per hour in a giant circle instead of going directly to our destination and nearly got into an accident because he was spinning a PokeStop.

He still does it tho.

Has Not Stopped.

Anyway thanks if you read this far plugging my ko-fi because I still live with these people and I Hope That Answered Your Question, Anon.

Bonus: one time we went out to play Pokemon go with my dad and my stoner boyfriend and my stoner boyfriend's Californian friend and the Californian friend looked at me and went, verbatim "Yo your dad's cool though. I fuck with your dad." And I had no words for that one. None. I still don't.

#casper's haunted info tag #i... need a nonfiction tag #casper's cryptid tales

[missanthropicprinciple]

How the Ghostbusters Franchise Became a Major Fixation: A Story No One Asked For. 

    When you’re born in the 80s you just automatically know who the Ghostbusters are. You can probably recognize the song, you know the logo, and “who ya gonna call?” is just a household expression. I absolutely recognized the logo and knew who Slimer was, but at one point I conflated the Michelin Man with Stay Puft. Ironically, I wasn’t far off as Aykroyd said he wanted the marshmallow man to be a “cross between the Michelin Tire Man and the Pillsbury Doughboy.” 

    Then I watched Extreme Ghostbusters when it came on in 1997. They’d been showing re-runs of The Real Ghostbusters to hype kids up for the new show and I was not interested. It was too corny for me. But Extreme GB was a fantastic canon divergent show, gritty and grotesque and I loved it. It was just really well written and genuinely scary at times. Maurice Lamarche’s older blonde hippie Egon was entertaining and endearing. So my introduction to the franchise was very much a 90s experience. 

    And then in October 1999 my English grandmother died and her death hit me pretty hard. It was difficult to watch my dad mourn his mom too, and I felt really bad for him. Because I was immersed in grief, both my own and my family’s, I started getting interested in paranormal studies. While I have been a sceptic my entire life I’ve always been fascinated by paranormal activity and creepy things and ghosts and monsters etc. Also being a very science-minded kid, paranormal studies was super appealing to me because of the way it was sometimes formalized. The pseudoscience is quite diverse but the text I read (and checked out of the library frequently) was The Paranormal and The Normal: A Historical, Philosophical and Theoretical Perspective by Morton Leeds and Gardner Murphy. I read most of this book at 13 or 14 and typed up various passages on the old family typewriter. I still have all my notes and I have since bought a copy of this book. Around that time an episode of Honey, I Shrunk the Kids: The TV Show aired: “Honey, I'm Spooked” (Feb 26, 2000) which prompted me to write several episodes of a paranormal studies based comedy-drama tv show which I eventually turned into the skeleton of a novel, but that’s a story for another time. So I was very much in my “paranormal phase” which culminated in my first viewings of Ghostbusters and Ghostbusters 2 in March 2001. 

    My impression of the first film? “It wasn’t bad. It was really funny, but was a lot more wacky than I thought it would be.” (Needless to say my writing has improved a bit in the last two decades.) A day after this I was already writing H.R. in hearts in my diary. It was an interesting way to start my teen years. I had already gotten into paranormal studies at this point and the well-crafted pseudoscience of Ghostbusters hit the right notes. I remember being sad that I didn’t watch the movies when I was younger but in hindsight it was actually great seeing them at 14 because I was young enough not to be too jaded but old enough to get the more sophisticated and adult humor. As I’ve gotten older I’ve deeply appreciated the subtly of the film. A lot of people, especially people who aren’t hardcore fans, remember the iconic campy stuff like Stay Puft and Slimer but in between all that is this beautiful, sometimes melancholy irreverence and drollness. It’s absolutely charming and for me that’s what’s kept me watching.

    While I’m a person of many passions and long-term fixations, Ghostbusters remains one of my all-time favorites. I watch the movies every year, I know how they were made, I still find the films and the lore fascinating, and I meet new fans all the time. Being a fan for this long is a testament to Ghostbusters, the writing, the directing, and the beloved characters. 

TL;DR: I watched Extreme Ghostbusters in 1997, and the original movies in 2001 and have been obsessed ever since. If you’re reading this, 1) you made it to the end so congrats!, and 2) I encourage everyone on here to share their Ghostbusters story.

#personal #Ghostbusters #Ghostbusters 1984 #ok to reblog #Egon Spengler #Harold Ramis #dan aykroyd #Ray Stanz #Extreme Ghostbusters #Ghostbusters 2 #Ghostbusters II

[actualbird]

// spoilers for luke character story ep2

luke pearce is adorable and kind and dorky 90% of the time (well, 90% of the time he isnt being an absolutely depressing tragedy) and that makes it so much more impactful when the story every once in a while does remind us and show us that. he is Fucking Terrifying when he wants/needs to be.

when i say more impactful i mean that in every sense. it's a really intense thing to see in the story thanks to the contrast of his usual kindness, it's really a hot thing to see thanks to the contrast of his usual demeanor, and also, what is obviously most important to me:

it's funny.

before any of u guys call me satan, lemme explain myself. like youve got luke---baby faced, messy haired, enthusiastic puppy vibes---and then in his character story ep2 he beats up that whole group of people that were about to harm mc. i dont remember if the narrative mentioned how many people there were but it seemed like Several absolutely and he just (non lethally) pummeled all of them completely into frigging dust. the narrative SAYS OUTRIGHT that luke managed to DISLOCATE MANY BONES of those people. this is fucked up, yeah, i gasped when i first went through that scene bc it was very intense but then. i started thinking about the scene in hindsight and the scenes we didnt get to see

after luke beats everybody up they call the police (bc in the next scene theyre in the police station and all the ppl have been put away somewhere, i forgot) and. how did that look like? for the officers who were called onto the scene? one dude protectively exuding Fuck With Her And I Will Destroy You vibes while next to a woman whos kinda chill just like Oh That's Good Im Glad Luke Got Here To Help Me but theres

people strewn around the ground in various states of injury

officer: UH

luke: self defense :)

officer: THATS SOME...INTENSE DEFENSE U GOT THERE, KID

the story then goes on to say that they accepted luke's self defense and so he wasnt charged with anything whew. but surely, since luke massively fucked those people up, they must have searched luke pearce up in the stellis crime database just to be sure and

officer 1: UHHHH

officer 2: why? he got a criminal record?

officer 1, turning the monitor to officer 2. all information about luke pearce is BLACKED OUT, CONFIDENTIAL, NERFED INTO OBLIVION: well. not EXACTLY.

and when the officers try to ask darius what the hell is up with luke (because darius has worked with luke a bunch), mc and luke start having their emotional (and LOUD, luke got LOUD angry in that scene) argument in the middle of the police station and so

officer: uh sir

darius, pushing them all into the pantry: no just. get in the fucking pantry. let them have...whatever the fuck this is.

tears of themis is a comedy

#tears of themis #hc #luke pearce #xia yan #have this 4 today bc i run now to do irl responsibility stuffs and also work on kdjkfs actual postable on ao3 fic

[thedeviljudges]

yohan + physical tough + trauma response

disclaimer: this is based off of eps 1-7, and preview of ep 8; i wholeheartedly recognize that this post may become the worst meta ever depending on how the rest of the show goes. however, i do think there are still some interesting things to note about yohan. a lot of this is also me just talking shit out as i was sifting through all the eps again. i’m more than willing to change my mind or hear other thoughts.

also i kinda, sorta, unnecessarily included all of the moments of yohan and any physicality. a lot of them are not super important, but i do think they help draw a distinction in how he reactions when surprised, alone and around other people.

so, here’s a long ass post that is literally 99% me bullshitting, lmao.

so i wanted to delve more into yohan’s response to physical touch by way of trauma. while i know a lot of us have pieced it together, i think it’s pretty cool to lay it all out visually because i think there’s much more justification for his reactions; not to say it makes it right, but it does really flesh out a fundamental part of his characterization that i think is highly, highly important to understand.

yohan lives on the cusp for reckless behavior, almost as if he doesn’t care whether he lives or dies. the car chase, running through industrial buildings where safety isn’t a concern, etc.

episode one

the first time we see an instance of his disinterest in physical touch is when he first meets gaon. he actually offers him his hand, but the way he goes about it isn’t a handshake. he almost looks hesitant, and then he squeezes and does not shake. it’s truly a split second gesture out of formalities. granted, he’s just met someone he thinks looks like isaac, and might be in a little bit of… not shock, but certainly distracted.

later in the episode, yohan is in an abandoned building with homeless people. he’s checking people’s wrist, but he’s quick about leaving them alone. until, a homeless man comes up behind him and grabs him. in response, yohan swings his arm to knock him off. then, he punches him, steps on him and decides whether he’s worth the effort. again, granted, no one likes to be surprised in a creepy situation like this, so his response? kinda understandable at this point.

next is the scene where yohan catches gaon in his office, where he pushes him against the bookshelf and kinda, more or less, comes off as a bit luring. we know yohan knows gaon’s lying, but a couple of things here. yohan initiated the physical contact, and he did it because of the suspicious nature of gaon. yohan also knows how to use his power and charms to catch people off guard, and i think really, he was messing with gaon when he brushed his shirt and asked him if he lived alone. gay as fuck, lmao, but i also see it as an intimidation tactic, in a way.

i could also pose a couple of theories aside from intimidation if we wanted to squint:

yohan is still in a state of awe of gaon’s resemblance to isaac. he’s not heard his voice or been around the other man for at least 10 years, and now there’s tangibility at his fingertips.

if we want to look at it from the gay perspective, gaon is clearly intriguing to yohan, and as i’ll note further down in this post about yohan in relation to physical touch, i’m sure it could be assumed that this is one of the first people in a long time that yohan has an interest in making a connection with. however, because of his upbringing, it’s clear he does’t necessarily know how to connect with people (ie. ep 7 trying to connect with elijah, eps 1-6 with him trying to non-verbally tell gaon that he has bigger plans than what’s in front of his face. his admission in ep 5 about being monster). more or less, he knows his charms can be used, but when it comes to actually flirting and/or liking someone? it’s left to be addressed, but could be assumed he’s just as awkward about it as when we see him at home.

we also see a small instance of him letting someone dress him. there’s still touch involved, but it’s very clear what the intention is. he has control over the situation, and it’s not a surprise.

the next time he engages in physical touche, again, he initiates it because he’s in control, and it’s meant to be comforting, to an extent.

and then to round everything off, we actually see him reaching for isaac, who is actually gaon in the court scene, but you know storytelling and all that. he reaches for him both in the courtroom and within a flashback.

him reaching out for isaac seems to be a motif within the show as it happens later on, of which i’ll point out.

episode two

we see him initiate a handshake again. at first, to gaon, and then with jinjoo. controlled situation.

later on in the episode is when we see our first glimpses of batshit crazy yohan, an absolute delight and fav, lmao. he actually reaches out to the spoiled kid, and it’s clearly to legitimize intimidation and a position of power.

okay look, i’m not even gonna front, this was a cute scene. when jinjoo gets out of the car, he checks to make sure she’s okay, and they have this moment before they go onto the red carpet where they smile at each other. yohan is confirming she’s okay, and she agrees. again, controlled, and i don’t know for certain if yohan is more comfortable around women, or it’s just mere fact that he doesn’t always have a problem with touch when the situation is safe. he actually lets her take his arm further on in the scene, and yes, it is a public display of niceties, and he knows that.

so in the midst of this happening, we get the ‘devil child’ story. and i want to make note of the bird scene because i do think it’s important to note that people yohan cares for, he’s willing to go to the ends of the earth to protect them. yes, they’re children in school, but the girl next to him is the only one who showed him an ounce of kindness, and yohan is proven to remain loyal to those he loves or trusts in some capacity.

of course, he ends up pitting the rich and the poor kids against one another for their betrayal and making him an outcast. in yohan’s mind, what he did wasn’t necessarily wrong because his sense of justice is based on protection and when people wrong him or those he loves, it’s seeking justice on their behalf or making the situation better - not in the technically right way, but right to him. yohan comes across as a fixer and problem solver.

yohan has a very, very strong sense of trust and loyalty, and we can assume that stems from isaac, who clearly tried to protect yohan from his father, who went out of his way to do so as best as he could as a young kid. yohan values loyalty not because he necessarily wants lap dogs and people to do his bidding. it comes from a place of love and security he’s never really had.

anyway, back to the gala with jinjoo, he does shake the minister’s hand. again, controlled. there are cameras. he also puts his arm around her, and that’s mainly because it’s a battle of the wills, and she’s trying to reprimand him, lol, as if she could. he hugs her a little hard and a little enthusiastically, and you can clearly tell it’s for show.

and then he dances with both jinjoo and sunah. and there is a stark difference between these two scenes. yohan actually teaches jinjoo the proper placement for where she should rest her hands and how to move. he’s actually having a good time with her, and again, it’s actually really cute.

with sunah, he’s reluctant and definitely on guard. he can tell from her demeanor that her intent is with purpose trying to get close to him. at this point in the story, he probably sees it as sunah coming onto him and not because she’s actually the maid from when they were children. when sunah reaches up to whisper in his ear, you can really tell he doesn’t like her being that close to him at all especially because her words may not be overly threatening, but there is purpose behind them, which means yohan’s guards are up. he physically removes her hand and than blatantly turns her down: she tells him that enjoying things alone isn’t fun, and he counters it by saying he’s having a lot of fun.

so at this point to reduce on some screen caps, he meets the minister’s family, has handshakes with her husband and the kid he went after to essentially beat up his car with a mallet, lmao. the handshake is quite funny because they both know what happened. yohan is in control, and that kid is shaking in his boots.

then the explosion happens, and of course, it makes sense that yohan helps gaon after he’s hurt. gaon has never been a threat to yohan, and it’s clear yohan’s not heartless whatsoever, but it’s also poignant to note that gaon helped saved yohan’s life, thus starting yohan’s journey of loyalty to gaon. i think he’s always had his sight set on gaon to begin with, possibly long before he even became an associate judge, but if this was a test, gaon passed it with flying colors because if gaon can rescue a little girl, and he can help an old man who fell off his bike, would he really go the lengths to save yohan who has shown him time and time again his sense of justice is different?

episode three

yohan reacts negatively to soohyun and within good reason when she questions where gaon is. he turns away because for him, the conversation is over, but for her, it’s not. to get his attention, she grabs him when he’s not paying attention, and of course he has a very adverse reaction. at this point, it can be chalked up to disrespect given the fact that he’s a head judge and she’s just a mere cop, but hindsight is 20/20. he does throw her arm off by flicking out his arm. but instead of berating her, he just tells her to catch the culprits who harmed gaon and leaves it at that.

and then of course, everyone’s favorite scene and rightfully so. yohan caring for gaon? very sexy of him. gaon is injured, poses no threat, and as i said above about yohan finding some amount of loyalty in gaon means his physical boundaries aren’t jeopardized. and for that, we get these wonderful scenes of yohan helping gaon as he heals.

and then scenes of him messing around with gaon by hitting him. truth be told, i wonder if this was something him and isaac did as young kids. anyone with siblings know how that goes. fake picking on each other? fake bickering? yeah.

and then it slowly, but surely, it’s revealed that yohan didn’t have the same upbringing as isaac did. our first instance that something at home wasn’t right wasn’t just the conversation with ms. ji and gaon. it’s the flashback with yohan reading in his room when the door opens. he hastily pretends he’s asleep, and you can see he’s visibly shaking and breathing roughly until he realizes it’s isaac who’s there to give him books.

and that’s also when we get our first glance of what kind of abuse yohan suffered from at the hands of his father. it’s clear this isn’t the only incident, and there’s been many times that isaac wasn’t around to help defend him.

it’s also very clear in how yohan acts when he’s terrified and that his abuse has gone on long enough to be a routine pattern in the house. any time he hears heavy footsteps or thinks his father is around, he visibly shakes and gets panicky.

episode four

i include this scene because it’s been noted that a lot of books yohan reads are about humans, human nature, animals, animalistic tendencies, and he says random shit like this that directly points to what he thinks about humanity and humans themselves. we notice this most prominently at the dinner with gaon and jinjoo earlier on when he describes that he likes the feel of the chew and that he cannot taste. he always mentions hunting and prey, and i think this is one of those very clear instances where he actually reveals to gaon what he truly, truly thinks; no gimmicks. this also comes into play later on in ep 6 when elijah is worried about him being out all night. yohan clearly doesn’t trust people at all. he understands their intentions, their motives and how much pain they can cause other people for their own profit and their own gain. it makes sense that he wouldn’t leave his house, especially if he has a strong sense of loyalty to isaac (even after all these years) and caring for elijah.

this is also one of the very direct moments that yohan doesn’t understand family dynamics. when it comes to people, it’s a giant chess game. not only that, later on in the episode when they’re in the car and yohan talks about how people, no matter what, are always the same in front of greed, yohan is cynical, and he expects the bad every single time.

what he reads and the way he words things (here and the discussion of him being a monster, for example) is clearly an indication that he doesn’t trust; that he cannot trust, nor does he want to at this point. yohan doesn’t understand the concept of kindness being given freely (ep 7 when he berates elijah for being used by gaon, telling her she falls for kindness every time). and yet, later on in eps, it’s clear when he’s around the right people and the right mindset (uh, gaon?? lol), he’s constantly putting up a front.

after all in ep 7 when he tells gaon that confidence is key, it literally gives him away not just in the courtroom but in his personal life. there’s a reason he looks softer at home than when he’s not there (the hairstyle changes and clothing).

basically what i’m getting at is this behavior can be seen as a defense mechanism because of his abuse.

then it’s another gala event with gaon and yohan this time. another lovely favorite where yohan helps him get dressed and then proceeds to drag him around and safe him from the lion’s den.

tbh i dont even need to include these, but i’m doing it for the indulgence.

yohan does sorta physically throw gaon as well during the rich people party, but that’s mainly to get him to shut up because he’s trying to show gaon the truth at hand and how all of it’s pretty much a farce.

later on in the episode is when we first have gaon truly attacking yohan verbally, and that’s when yohan snaps. it’s clear that isaac is a trigger for yohan, especially from someone who speaks out of line on something they know nothing about. gaon, truth be told, had a stupid moment confronting yohan the way he did. i don’t know who waltzes up to a proposed murderer and just asks them, lmao.

but here’s the thing, thus far, gaon has not entirely posed a threat to yohan. whether that’s from yohan planting gaon and guiding him exactly where he wants him or gaon just not being as thorough as yohan would like, and he’s trying to tap into that talent, is anyone’s guess. but as i said above, the one thing yohan protects is the things he does care about the most, and he tries to talk himself out of his own feelings. he constantly compares himself to an animal (again, dinner scene with gaon and jinjoo) to justify his actions, and to possibly not feel anything; because that’s easier, isn’t it? not feeling. so on top of gaon calling him a monster and a killer, confronted with the possibility about being a villain in his own brother’s story, obviously sets him off. he beats down his emotions until he’s confronted with it - and this is what gaon also meant in ep 6 about how it’s ridiculous that yohan calls himself a monster over a victim because yohan can’t even see himself in that light. not because he truly believes victims are weak necessarily, but i wonder how much he realizes that what happened to him wasn’t his fault.

to me, and as i just said, yohan convinces himself he’s a monster to make it easier for himself to belief his actions (ep 5 telling gaon some humans are born monsters in relation to himself). it’s not that he inherently thinks he’s wrong, but i think his guidance for what’s right and wrong was misconstrued without a parent figure in his life, especially if he’d read crime and law books as the focus. yohan’s actions, at least quite a bit of them are, are based on a gut feeling of right and wrong. when you think about it and your own sense of justice, how would that differ without the checks and balances in place? what punishment do you think fits the crime if we weren’t bound by written law? yohan thinks any action to protect those he loves is, more or less, justifiable because it’s a means to an end. it’s making a worng right again.

i don’t think yohan is a monster. i think his feelings, and what he knows is love, is misconstrued in terms of how to express it. we see this in episode 7 with his and elijah’s conversation where she’s just trying to be a teen, but his version of love is protecting her without, once again, understanding family dynamics and the pain points of growing up, the learning she has to do on her own. yohan might technically be right; similar to being book-smart but not necessarily street smart. his theory of telling Elijah that she’s soft for kindness and being used was true, but his delivery and the idea that that’s how humans develop doesn’t work. he’s telling her text-book rules, but people don’t live through books. they live through real life. yohan reads to get a sense of fulfillment and to learn. he’s learned his way into adulthood, but that’s not normal.

so uh anyway, back to this familiar scene:

because we don’t know the actual story of isaac’s death, it’s hard to say what role yohan played in his death, but i don’t know that i believe he was the one who did it. the entirety of the devil judge is relying on unreliable narration, so it’s difficult to gauge (for now since we’re on ep 7) how this will turn out and what happened, but to me, it really comes across as yohan upset over the insinuation that he could be the one to cause the death of the one person he loved the most. plus, i think it says a lot that he cares/loves elijah, and she was part of isaac. gaon crossed a thine line. yohan essentially welcomed him in, and this is gaon toeing it. we can also look at this is not gaon being an outsider to their family, but now has become part of the family, and so it’s easier for yohan to be ‘abusive,’ if you will, rather than the perspective of gaon still on the sidelines and pushing too far. by this i mean, the accusations made by gaon threatens their formulating family dynamics.

and once again, the only person he ever actually reaches out for is isaac.

and then we have the aftermath of yohan’s nightmare, where he’s still caught in the dream as gaon comes in, and refuses to be touched after, even if gaon’s intention is to see if he’s okay. yohan makes it very clear to gaon not to touch him, and that’s when elijah comes in with a very accusatory ‘what are you two doing?’ in this moment, yohan is not just vulnerable, but he’s emotionally sensitive. i’ve no doubt he’s still dealing with a form of sensory overload from his dream.

and then, i don’t know that this was necessary? was it necessary?

the following set of scenes are the ones where gaon tells him he’s a victim and he hasn’t confronted his own emotions about his abuse. i think yohan realizes gaon is right to some degree, but it is convoluted, and it’s not so simple to face your own traumas. however, he does for a moment after gaon leaves, remember another instance of abuse he couldn’t stop but wishes he could, wishing a parental figure of sorts would’ve come in to save him like his older self is trying to save the kid version if only he could turn back time, if only he had the power to do what he wish someone else had done for him.

and then the kidnapping scene is just. fucked up in and of itself. it actually makes my skin crawl. not because sunah is scary necessarily, but the lack of autonomy yohan has - especially when we find out later more of sunah’s story. to do something like this after what she’s suffered through makes this scene even more disturbing.

you can see the moment yohan hears heels when sunah (not knowing it’s her yet) comes in. literally the minute he knows someone’s headed his way, he checks the fuck out. his whole face goes slack, especially when sunah reveals herself. and when she’s kissing him? blank as fuck, too. it’s the most dead-eyed stare i think we’ve seen from him.

episode six

so, we get this gem from elijah that i’d like to touch on later. it’s more speculation and just me running through ideas more than it is canon fact. but what it does let us know is that yohan doesn’t seek people out. he prefers to be at home and staying there.

after we get the maid story, and we do get yohan touching sunah’s cheek, and in some fucked up twisted way, this is his way of protecting one of the things isaac cherishes the most. the point of the gesture isn’t just intimidation but serves as an act of intent, of protection in the only way yohan knows how. he’s safeguarding isaac. you can tell he doesn’t actually like sunah at all as a kid, but uses that to his advantage. imagine yohan learning violence for ‘good’ things when his father used violence for ‘bad’ things. what a twisted way of looking at it? and the irony at hand.

additionally, the main reason i’ve included so many varying scenes of yohan touching people isn’t to establish that he’s okay with being touched given how many scenes there are of him randomly shaking people’s hand or touching them. it’s all about context and what the intent is for. most often than not, really way more often than not, yohan only reaches out for people when it’s socially acceptable to do so and because it’s manners. and yet, even in some of those cases, there is still intent behind the gesture.

the moments he acts out the most are when he’s not in front of an audience, when he’s more likely to be alone with his thoughts and is exceptionally more vulnerable to his own triggers.

and i think the scene after he’s back at his house from the kidnapping is noteworthy because it doesn’t just feel like he’s shaking off the effects of the drugs he was given. he seems to visibly trying to compose himself of the mental and physical play he just had to deal with.

the next scene is yohan angry with gaon for taking elijah out. which really, he does have every right to be angry, and one thing i didn’t note above during the ‘you killed your brother’ choke out scene before is that when yohan is backed into any kind of corner, he reacts like a caged animal.

because we’ve already established the scenes with his abuse, his father took his anger physically out on yohan. so how else was yohan supposed have developed the tools to express it? it’s easy to hurt the things you love the most; it’s easy to abuse the ones you know, and between gaon and himself, they both have an unhealthy dynamic because gaon is old enough, strong enough to take whatever yohan gives him. gaon is not family and so there’s still that clear divide and a distinction as to why he lays a hand on gaon but not elijah, for example. gaon can still pose a threat. elijah is family. then again, it can also be said that maybe yohan considers gaon family, and gaon betrayed elijah and therefore yohan, and you don’t do that. not with yohan’s understanding of family dynamics.

but with that said, it begs the question why yohan keeps gaon around, and i think some of that has to do with the fact that gaon surprises yohan. he might’ve set his sights on him long before he became an associate judge or maybe he took interest after gaon was chosen for the role (this is still up in the air), but deep down, yohan sees something in gaon despite his snooping, despite his righteousness. it could be the potential; it could be the fact that gaon could be better than yohan if he just allowed himself to loosen the ropes he’s tied himself with when it comes to the court of law and the justice system.

but here’s the thing that idk a lot of people have really picked up on. gaon is one side of the same coin underneath it all. he’s also provoked yohan with physicality when yohan brought up details about soohyun.

to be fair, we can say that yohan evokes a different type of anger in gaon, one that he hasn’t tapped into for years that allows him to open up to that more physical side of himself he learned to put behind him. gaon doesn’t really come across as the physically threatening type, but yohan does push his buttons and vice versa.

but then, of course, we have the big fight scene where gaon goes in on the attack, and that’s when yohan makes his threat not to attack him ever again. it’d be easy to say he says it based on the merit of him not actually attacking soohyun, but seriously speaking, the intent feels much more than that. more along the lines of asking gaon not to provoke him without warning again because next time might be bad. most of their other fights, especially the one above,have been in the midst of conversation. this time, it’s from a place of complete surprise, and you can tell yohan goes on the defensive when his first instinct is to not just throw gaon back but raise his fist to strike.

episode seven

the only physical contact yohan has with anyone is the president, and that’s when he turns on the live video of the two of them, and it’s clearly intended to be a lowkey threat. he keeps pulling the president back into his side to be on the live camera after the dude tried to come after yohan. i do think it’s hilarious that yohan manipulated the situation with a live component just as the president and the rest of the rich people thought they could turn a live court show into manipulating the public.

and then, of course, the jail scene. the part where he makes gaon stay. he also touches gaon’s shoulder later just before they leave.

episode eight

the most prominent scene in this ep is certainly the scene where sunah comes onto yohan, and you can tell she did it to get under his skin in some way. of course, he’s smart and knows she’s up to something, but i think it’s so interesting how he wraps his fists around hers, almost as if to tame her and prevent her from trying to further put her hands on him.

we also know yohan has no issue with using physical force regardless of who it is (obviously, his dialogue in this scene, too) when he feels caged or trapped. his intention is also to retrieve isaac’s necklace, and i like how he uses literally anything to his advantage. meaning, he’ll use physical touch, his mentality, etc to get what he wants or needs, even if it is marginally uncomfortable to some degree.

and i think that also says alot about him is that he’s able to displace what makes him uncomfortable in moments like this to achieve an end goal.

additional thoughts

i know this isn’t really common with a lot of the characters in general, and could be chalked up to a cultural component, but yohan’s definitely not a hugger.

the other thing i wanted to note is yohan’s seemingly adherence to touch unless it’s for good reason in relation to sex. the main reason i bring it up is because i’ve seen it discussed a bit, especially in regard to elijah’s comment about him not staying out overnight since the fire. there are a few plausible scenarios, maybe more, but for the sake of this, we’ll go for these.

yohan has had past relationships/experience or will in future episodes

day flings

he’s never had an interest in anyone before given his upbringing and abuse and therefore never sought out sex

inexperience could be from lack of interest in other people and sex itself

he’s never found anyone to really connect with and trust in such a way and has avoided it for that reason

and i bring this up mainly because i think it could be something to explore in fanon, but also because i’m kind of annoyed with how people have been talking about yohan being a virgin. i’m not quite sure what the joke is, but lack of sexual experience does not mean naive or that he doesn’t have a sense of humor when that’s clearly far from the truth:

i don’t know that people find it unbelievable because of his age, because of characterization of yohan being more dominant, but none of these things negate this being an option. i think it’s perfectly plausible of a situation (from what we know right now), and truthfully, it would make a whole lot of sense. i just don’t get the jokes about it that i’ve been seeing online (twitter) when there isn’t a mutual exclusiveness to any of it whatsoever.

yohan already has a hard time connecting with people, and i can imagine that level of physicality could be difficult. clearly he knows how to use a version of it to get what he wants. i’ve no doubt he’s used his charms in situations where he’s needed to. yohan knows he has that going for him, at the very least. but sexual appeal and jokes doesn’t mean having a body count any more than it could indicate there being one.

lastly, i also want to pull these paragraphs from @b612sunsets​‘s post because i think they do a much better job than i ever could of explaining, short and sweet, a fundamental part of yohan’s characterization, and mainly what i was trying to get at with this long ass post.

“There's two things we already know about Yohan from the last 6 episodes: he hates being touched when he doesn't see it coming and doesn't have control over it because of the abuse he suffered (I assume). To name a few: Soohyun grabbing his elbow to stop him from leaving and get answers about Gaon, the beggar that touched him while he searched for the fireman, Gaon after punching him and Yohan clearly telling him to NEVER do it again. The impression it gave to us is that if there's a next time he might not be able to stop his instinctive reaction of defending himself and using violence back (something worse than choking or pushing Gaon and he doesn't want to do that with him).

“Unless it's a friendly/small/slow touch like in the breakfast scene when Gaon touches his arm when he gets up to offer them some fruits. When he had the nightmare with Isaac, his walls were up high so even if he could see Gaon's touch coming and it was friendly, he decided to stop it because he was too defensive and sensible to accept the gesture (it would be the first time Gaon started physical contact with him too, he wouldn't be ready for that in such a state).

“The second thing is that Yohan hates when people take what is his or mess with what is important to him. Again, to name a few: Sunah with the necklace when she was a maid, the fireman with Isaac's watch (Yohan made them fall from high places, not caring if they died or not), the guy that fabricated the small bombs that hurt Gaon (Yohan would have burnt his face if "K" hadn't stopped him) and Gaon taking Elijah out of the house to Soohyun without previous notice (a cop and someone he doesn't trust).”

yohan has a very, very large sense of self-preservation for himself and for those he cares about. it’s in his intention, actions, facial expressions, movements, the way he interacts with people. i find it fascinating how calculating he can be, but at home, he’s at his most vulnerable and almost socially unaware and awkward.

yohan is a bit of an irony. he understands people from an action-oriented, instinctual level, but he doesn’t necessarily understand their thoughts and emotions in the waves of nuances that people live through on the daily. like, he gets it to an extent and on a practical level, but he himself is a square trying to fit into a circle - he doesn’t always understand it for himself and has to actively work on social cues so as not to come across as the devil child he was once painted to be.

and let it not be unsaid, yohan really will go to the ends of the earth for family, even if it means stepping out of his comfort zone.

and so anyway, i doubt this offered any real insight, but i think this is my way of breaking all of this down for myself. so, tada!!! lmao

#x #the devil judge #the devil judge meta #* #*the devil judge

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

So I watched 10.09 recently, and it has that part where Dean tells a story about him basically being almost roofied as a teen, but somehow it ends up framed as the funny joke and yet another proof that John "did what he could", and I kind of hate this? And it's the same episode in which MoC!Dean killed guys that kidnapped and tried to rape Claire, and you'd think writers would've addressed the parallels and acknowledge that Dean could've been triggered by this situation. 1/2

2/2 But in the end, it's never addressed, and the whole situation is framed as the proof that Dean is evil now. And I'm not even sure what I am trying to say, but with that being the show's approach back in s10, I'm not surprised about the finale anymore. Guess we should've known?

That’s an excellent angle to look at the issue because the Mark of Cain arc is a clear example of how people with different experiences will see the same thing in wildly different ways. There’s this phase of season 10 where everyone is like “oh no Dean is Getting Worse” and when you look at what Dean is doing... you actually go “...good for him”.

Let’s give Caesar what belongs to Caesar. It’s not “the writers” in this case, it’s Dabb. Plenty of other writers don’t fall into this John apologism thing. Just look at how the episode before Lebanon, written by Buckner and Ross Leming, says that sometimes John would temporarily kick Dean out because he was “pissed at him” despite Dean always taking his side to mantain the peace. It almost seems like a statement to sprinkle some salt given what Dabb does in Lebanon, you know? Maybe not, but there is a tension between “John was shitty” writers and “John did his best” writers.

In hindsight, we gave Dabb too much of the benefit of the doubt. We were like, weeell, that’s supposed to be way the characters perceive the truth, which is distorted by the trauma... But now it’s obvious that he truly believed in the John-did-his-best version. He brought him back and got Mary back with him. No matter what happened to the finale, the network didn’t print those pictures of John and Mary to hang on Sam’s wall. He never took Dean’s abuse seriously and it shows.

The “anedocte” of Dean getting drugged and “saved” by John from being raped is obviously there to parallel him with Claire. Which works! It’s so weird because it’s like. You are soooo close to getting the point. Younger Dean was assaulted just like this teenage girl is assaulted and Dean saves her... but apparently John yelling at those people is a good way of dealing with the issue, while murdering child traffickers is an overraction thus bad.

That’s the problem, isn’t it? That Dean’s murder spree is framed as an overreaction. Sam is like “tell me you had to do this! tell me it was you or them!” - the answer to which (by the narrative) is obviously no, it wasn’t self defense, he just killed them because he could. He just murdered those men for no reason except he felt like being murdery. And the audience is supposed to be like “oh no! Dean is murdery for no reason except for murderiness! That’s bad!”.

But it’s a power fantasy, isn’t it? Going on a murder spree on rapists and traffickers. I bet any people who’s been violated like that has fantasized of doing the exact thing Dean does here. Killing them all.

Dean had the physical strength and skill to kill them all, why shouldn’t he kill them? (I mean, in real life I’m against private justice because I’m a fan of the state of law, but the Supernatural universe obviously works on different principles than the state of law. Again, it’s a fictional narrative that plays out as a fantasy for the audience, so.)

So what was Dabb’s intention? I’m afraid it’s the worst one. “John Winchester’s not going to win any Number One Dad awards, you know? But, you know, damn if he wasn’t there when we needed him”. What the fuck, Dabb? It’s been established since season 1 that John WASN’T there when they needed him. Which... I’m afraid... leads us to the Cas-Claire plot in the episode. Cas has fucked off with Jimmy’s body leaving Claire on her own. Parallels how John wasn’t going to win wny Number One Dad awards. But! Cas is there when Claire Really Needs Him i.e. when she’s about to be raped by older men. Parallels how John was there when Dean Really Needed Him i.e. when he was about to be raped by older men.

I think the point is to say, Cas kinda sucked because he took Claire’s dad away but hey! He’s actually a good figure for Claire because he gets there in time to prevent her from being raped. Just like (ew) John kinda sucked as a father because hunting and stuff, but hey! He’s actually a good figure for Dean because he got there in time to prevent him from being raped.

It’s pretty yucky. Literally NOBODY wanted a parallel between Cas and John. But he made one. And he made one to absolve Cas from the guilt he carried for what he did to Claire (Claire’s mother is a mother so who fucking cares about her. She’s basically a Blurry Wife(TM), she’s only a tool for Claire’s arc, Cas apparently only cares about the harm he did the child, not the wife, for some reason.) and to absolve Cas from his guilt it absolves John too. Don’t worry, being a parent is hard. You often screw up. But you can *looks at smudged writing on hand* prevent the kid from being raped by predatory adults and everything’s fine now.

It’s not really important if the child suffered hunger or whatever, the only important thing is that they don’t get raped, because that’s bad, everything else is just a little detail.

All Dabb got with that scene was to paint Sam as extremely unsympathetic because he’s no longer a child, he’s a full adult now and still thinks of that episode at the CBGB as a funny story. That’s not a good look. It almost makes you think that the writer himself saw it as a funny story. Lol teenage boy biting more than he can chew. But then why the Claire parallel? The Claire scene onviously is not supposed to be anything but horrific. I'll give Dabb the benefit of the doubt on this specific thing.

It’s weird, yes, because Dabb wrote Dark Side of the Moon where he establishes that John was a bad husband/father even before tragedy hit the family. But apparently that’s the “not going to win any Number One Dad awards” part, I suppose? I guess he intended to write John as this flawed, ~complex~ figure who was imperfect but still brave and whatever blah blah did his best blah blah. I’m all for flawed complicated characters but a horrible father is a horrible father. A rose by any other name... parental abuse is still parental abuse even if the poor guy was complicated and traumatized and did what he thought he had to do to prepare his sons for a violent world.

Also, the story frames Dean’s escapade as a teenager being stupid. “You know what he got for that? Me whining about how much he embarrassed me. Me telling him that I hated him. But then he stopped and turned around looked at me and said, Son, you don’t like me? That’s fine. It’s not my job to be liked.” “It’s my job to raise you right.” This seems straight from a novel about teenagers doing something stupid that they’re too young to realize that their parents are right to be against them doing. But this isn’t just... a parent walking into a bar to stop their child to drink alcohol. Dean literally describes feeling sick from something that was inside the alcohol.

Sure, it makes sense that he’d lash out to John because of the shame and shock. But the scene is... off. Are we supposed to see this as a typical teenage mistake? Are we supposed to read it as something as horrific as what happened to Claire, literally sold into rape? Or, worse, are we supposed to see what happened to Claire as a teenage mistake, ah silly teenager, blindly trusting shady people, no wonder you end up in a situation where you’d get raped if a father figure didn’t sweep in and save you. I hope that wasn’t the intent.

To get back to Dean’s Mark-of-Cain violence, the writers clearly didn’t intend it to come from the Darkness up to a certain point. It was supposed to an arc about your own inner darkness (consider the Charlie episode, a couple episodes later). Then they came up with the idea of The(TM) Darkness, the suppressed cosmic feminine. While it caused a bit of dissonance in the subtext, it doesn’t really change Dean’s narrative, because his inner darkness is the trauma, and his trauma is inherebtly tied to the “feminine” i.e. the parts of him that don’t fit seamlessly into the scheme of toxic masculinity values. That the violence that comes from the Mark of Cain comes from Dean himself and that’s it, or is connected to the Darkness, it doesn’t change what it means for Dean. Dean and Amara have parallel histories, the feminine principle locked away, the trauma the anger stems from.

In 10x09 we’re still in the Before The (TM) Darkness era, before the suppressed cosmic feminine. The Mark of Cain arc is still about... well, Cain. But the shift is the signal that someone looked at Dean’s arc and said... you know what? “Lucifer gave me this curse so now I’m demonic and murdery” is meh. “Toxic masculinity suppresses the feminine and it creates trauma which rage and violence comes from” is more interesting. I don’t know whose idea it was, but it was a good idea, and surely the idea came from seeing how Dean’s MoC narrative was unfolding.

Dean’s MoC narrative was unfolding in a certain way, in fact, because of a pretty simple reason. There’s a fundamental tension in Dean’s MoC arc. We want him to go murdery, but it’s also our main character, so we don’t want him to do really horrible things because he still needs to be relatable. The audience cannot hate him, so he must NOT do something entirely unforgivable. He still needs to be somewhat relatable, even when demonic or demonic-adjacent.

So he goes on a murder spree... but it’s rapists and child traffickers. He’s demon, but he kills a misogynistic dude that wanted his wife dead for cheating on him. He’s a demon, but beats up dudes that harass women. He does a slaughter, but they’re nazi. He’s off the deep end, but works a case of kidnapped and abused young women...

Speaking of which. 10x23, written by Jeremy Carver. Dean works a case where a girl was killed while dressed scantily and Dean makes some slut-shaming remarks, and we’re supposed to think “whoa Dean, that’s bad”. But later he confronts the girl’s father and what does he say?

I’m just doing my job, Mr. McKinley.

By suggesting my daughter was a slut?

I’ll admit that thought crossed my mind. Then I came here, and I smelled the deceit and the beatings and the shame that pervade this home.

You shut your face right now.

And you know what? I don’t blame Rose anymore. No wonder she put on that skank outfit and went out there looking for validation, right into the arms of the monster that killed her.

Back then the episode was super controversial and everyone hated the case because of the apparent slut-shaming but I loved it! Because it’s not about the girl. It’s about Dean. Dean doesn’t think that a girl gets killed because she dresses in a miniskirt so it’s her fault. Dean is projecting on himself and he’s not actually victim blaming the girl, he’s victim blaming himself. And when he absolves the girl by putting the blame on the father... well, subtextually he’s absolving himself by putting the blame on his father. On the deceit and the beatings and the shame that pervaded his own home. He’s textually not ready to absolve himself, of course, he summons Death to ask him to kill him later, but subtextually he’s on the right path.

Rose McKinley basically did the same mistake Dean did at the CBGB when he trusted some older people who offered him drinks and the same mistake Claire did when she trusted a man who sold her for money because he offered him a place and stability. She trusted the wrong people (in this case, vampires, which adds the whole subtext of vampires and sexuality) who took advantage of her. Except Rose had no one to save her. (Her friend, Crystal, gets rescued by Dean, even if he causes the other hunter Rudy to die in the process.)

Carver’s writing is pretty brutal. The girl made that mistake because was abused at home, so she was desperate for validation and that desperation drove her into the wrong hands. (Rose even has a brother who blames himself for bringing her sister to her future murderers, destructive sibling relationship check.) It doesn’t actually even matter if Dean guessed right about Rose’s family situation, because what matters is what it tells us about Dean. He basically relates to a dead abused girl. Actually all through the season Dean is paralleled to “skanks” “sluts” and sex workers. Obviously this happens kinda all through the show, the whole “the business is based on absent fathers” thing happened much earlier in the story, so it’s not new. But s10 draws a picture of female suffering - abuse, manipulation and death. Season 10 was difficult to go through. In hindsight, it was probably on purpose because it was supposed to be darkest hour of the feminine. Summed with some good old fashioned misogyny, but hey.

The Carver era was wonky but Carver wanted to free the feminine. (I believe that Mary’s comeback, while written by Dabb because of the showrunner shift, was planned before the showrunner shift.) We thought the Dabb era wanted the same, with Mary choosing life and Amara being independent and so on, but it evidently wasn’t the case. Not a single woman arrives at end of the story. It’s hardly ~Bucklemming or ~the network or ~covid because it starts before the very end.

I’m not saying that dead sluts are more feminist than living women, but if the women die or disappear anyway (and they did) I’d rather have an exploration of trauma than nothing. And I definitely prefer a dead slut narrative that calls out parental abuse than a narrative where women live but abuse gets the you-did-your-best treatment.

Whoops! I digressed! But feel free to ask for any clarification or send me any observation or thought.

#anon #my spn thoughts #season 10 #spn 10x09 #spn 10x23 #dean and john #parental abuse #john winchester's a+ parenting #mark of cain #demon dean #spn #i love talking about season 10 uh

[fallintosanity]

5. What story is your fav? Least fav? 9. What scene was the first to come to you when writing Providence?

5. What story is your fav? Least fav?

Oooh, this is always a tough question - it's like being asked to pick a favorite kid! Sticking to just the Final Fantasy fics to make it easier on myself, I think I'd say "Terror" is my least favorite. I wrote it partially just for the Prompto whump, and partially to poke at an idea about Ardyn inspired by my favorite fantasy series of all time, the Coldfire Trilogy. In hindsight, though, I don't think it worked nearly as well as I was hoping. I don't think it's, like, terrible, just kinda mediocre and not as interesting as I wanted it to be.

As for my favorite story... this one is so much harder! XD I think it's a toss-up between Providence and Immortālēs Tempī , with What Stays And What Fades coming in a close second. Providence, of course, for the crossover shenanigans and getting to play with the menace that is Calamity Sephiroth. And Immortālēs Tempī because of how much sheer fun it was to write spitfire sixteen-year-old Cor Leonis. (He says some of my favorite lines I've ever written, because he's sixteen and has no filter. XD ) Finally, WSaWF because I'm really enjoying (in a twisted writerly way) delving into the sheer awfulness of the World of Ruin, and what ten years apart would really do to the bros.

9. What scene was the first to come to you when writing Providence?

Believe it or not, it was the scene where the Firsts see Calamity Sephiroth for the first time. I'd just finished reading TFA and was screaming about it with my amazing beta @ageofzero (who introduced me to TFA in the first place and is therefore entirely responsible for everything in Providence), and I said something about how I wanted to see TFA!Sephiroth, Genesis, and Angeal all react to the insane Sephiroth from Cloud's timeline.

Something I found interesting about TFA is that in the fic, Sephiroth has no significant character growth or development, and faces no personal crises to kickstart a character arc. (This is not a bad thing or a knock on TFA or anything! The whole point of the fic was that Sephiroth needed to not face the particular personal crisis Cloud spent the whole plot trying to avert.) But because I'm 1) a massive Sephiroth fan, and 2) a massive angst fan, I was really curious about how post-TFA Sephiroth would handle an emotional crisis on the level of Nibelheim.

In theory, he ought to be more stable and able to better handle a personal crisis with his friends there to support him rather than being the ones instigating the crisis. But the horror of Calamity Sephiroth's existence - this insane, inhuman, apocalypse-timeline version of himself - is so deeply personal that even with his friends at his side, Sephiroth is Not Going To Have A Good Time.

I don't remember exactly how we got around to having Noctis in the fic, though. XD I think it came about from talking about how funny a Cloud-versus-Noctis fight would be, which ended up manifesting in Providence first as the sparring match between them early in the fic, and later when Noctis fights the Calamity and really cuts loose for the first time.

Ask me stuff?

#sanity replies #fanfiction #sanity's final fantasy crossover fic #ask meme #r3zuri

[beckyblah]

whats your fav part of season 1 since you said in the tags that youre watching it? also do you have any headcanons for your favs that you want to share?

Yeah!! Hmm oh man there’s a lot of really great stuff that I’d forgotten or hadn’t seen before in s1. I ended up really loving a lot of the pre-Wilbur stuff because I hadn’t really realized how EARLY Dream decided to be the creepy antagonist for Tommy. It was funny bc OOC you knew the two were having the time of their lives and Dream was clearly having a ball being his silent shadow and appearing on his stream to boost Tommy’s views. But it was also very cool in hindsight because of how the story progressed! It took those early bits and amped it all up to eleven.

As for headcanons… hmmm.. I think the blue sweater and white streak for Tommy are really cool! And maybe it’s sort of an “anti-headcanon” but I just cannot ever see Tubbo as anything but a tiny little aww-farming blonde kid. I don’t really give him the cc’s hair or the fanon horns and don’t picture him like that when I imagine him. It’s definitely fanon, but I picture Sam as this hulking, middle-aged man.

Theyre not really my faves per se but I DO think c!george smokes fat blunts in the woods and absolutely knows which mushrooms are the edible ones. Meanwhile c!sapnap smoked one (1) joint from Wilbur’s drug van and thought he was addicted and now is scared to ever try any of George’s stash.

#not art #ask

[washymylifeaway]

IwaOi fanfic recs: my top 10

Okay so I have like so many wips that I keep looking at and then I like don’t? do? them? It’s fine :’))))) But instead of me finishing those, here’s my top 10 picks for IwaOi! This will probably become a series for the ships I like, but we’ll see LOL. Usually when I rec fics, it’s just any that I’ve read and enjoyed, but these are the ones I keep coming back to! Also I made this cause the IwaOi ship has SO many fics and if I had to do a WHOLE fic rec list, I would never finish (ie. the sakuatsu draft ahahaha).

Let’s get this party started :D

As always, pls check WARNINGS, TAGS, and SUMMARIES for fics before reading and make sure you’re taking care of yourselves (since mental health is key!) Stay healthy loves <3

Ignore the fact that some of these are from my other posts OKAY :(

1. The Loyalty of a Traitor by DeathBelle (E) 76.9k /cp/ ok so does me liking this fic make me basic cause I feel basic LOL. I really love mafia fics, and the way the story line developed was SO good, like IN LOVE with this story. This is a fic where you should read WARNINGS, TAGS, and SUMMARY before diving in, but if the length scares you, don’t be. It’s so easy to fall in and get lost in the writing!

2. Conquering the Great King by SuggestiveScribe (E) 105.6k /cp/ I LOVE THIS SERIES AHHHHHHHHH. Honestly I know the 105.6k word count is SCARY I UNDERSTAND BUT it is SO worth it. This is the first fic of the series and it's mainly IWAOI, but there are other ships too so if IWAOI isn't your thing, check for the other ships :) Also if you don't mind smut (cause it is explicit for a reason LOL) then please I beg of you to read the whole series!!!!!!! I love love love this one and it really got me invested in the whole fanfic thing LOL.

3. Shiver by Yuu_chi (T) 16.7k // THIS UGH. I’ve BEEN in LOVE with this fic for like five-ever omg. It’s SO good and the character portrayal and plot progression in this is AMAZING. Whenever I come across it, I always reread it cause it’s just so worth it! (Also that paragraph about Iwa trash talking himself made me laugh OMG.)

4. the courtship ritual of the hercules beetle by kittebasu (chanyeol) (T) 66.3k /cp/ again, basic? Probably LOL but it’s good so I have no shame ;) Again, pls don’t let the word count scare you (cause it scared me LOL), you get really into it after like 2 paragraphs, so just make sure you have enough time to finish hehe.

5. dyspnea/arrhythmia by carafin (T) 10.8k // I adore medical fics and I also love Iwa being good with kids,,,, (I think it’s very fitting okay? And the pokemon cameo was great) This was such a great fic and Iwa + Suga being friends is SO CUTE (crying into his orange juice, I want to be). I REALLY loved this fic, and the ending was *chef’s kiss*!!!! (STAN PAEDS IWA)

6. Build A Temple In Me by Authoress (T) 39.7k // God Oikawa and idgaf Iwa is such a good combination. UGH. I loved the plot of this fic and the conflict was done SO WELL. I also loved how Iwa kept coming back and HIS GRANDMA IS THE BEST <33333 But also their friendship was SO CUTE (THE SONG GUYS THE SONG) and poor Kyoutani :( (There’s also a spicy second fic you should read hehe!)

7. i'm gonna be the man who comes back home to you by baekuugo (insxouts) (M) 22.5k // UGH SINGLE DAD IWA? Yes please!!! I really love the plot in this one and sassy Kageyama + Hinata + Yachi is such a cute friendship! Also a proud stan of the IwaOi + SugaDai friendship agenda,,,, I love them. (Beware some spice is included aka smut LOL)

8. to be first, to be best by kittebasu (chanyeol) (T) 26.4k /cp/ okay I think I've read this fic like 3 times already (4 now cause I reread it for this list and I remember why I love this fic AGAIN LOL OOPS), but the plot never sticks with me LOL. Not cause it's a bad fic, but because I have a crap memory. Regardless, I know it's a good fic because like I said I managed to re-read on 2 3 separate occasions so yea. (it’s a really cute fic and I really enjoyed the ending, esp the extra! Also stupid, oblivious iwa is bae)

9. silver tongue by ohhotlamb (E) 10.3k // OKAY THIS WAS FUNNY. Like the betrayal and such made me laugh and it was embarrassing. All the emotions in one LMFAO. And like everyone in this fic and the secret operation? OMG. Anyway, there’s a second fic and ITS PRETTY MUCH GOLD AS WELL so like go read them both (RIP pizza party) :D (SMUT ALERT AHAHA)

10. love me like you do by crossbelladonna (T) 100.5k // this fic was SUCH a rollercoaster omg. First, the concept itself was great and the execution was flawless and Ushiwaka was ajfnlajsdnf. AND THE ENDING!!!! THE ending omg. And Lev being a car made me laugh LMFAO. And we love f ups AHHHHH. If this made no sense, you’re right,,, it didn’t,,, so you should go read it so it does HAHAHA.

In hindsight, this 10 limit made me cry because I had like 20 of them and I had to sift through them but even then the 20 was from a larger pile which was in a larger pile.... TLDR: I wanted to put more fics :’))))) But honestly, the ranking of these are pretty loose and like when I say that I mean you could literally just randomize the numbers and I would accept it LOL. The way I might just end up making a pt 2 of IwaOi cause as I was making this list, I kept rereading all the fics (which is why it took so long to come out hahahahahahha) and I fell back in love with IwaOi (like I was ever not lost in IwaOi hell)...... But yea these are my “top 10″ theoretically (misinterpret that as you will as I cry over the fics I couldn’t/didn’t include).

#iwaoi #iwaoi fic recs #iwaoi fics #haikyuu fanfic rec #haikyuu fic recs #hq fic rec #anime #manga #haikyuu!! #fic rec #I love all of these #omg #IwaOi is so good #like #In love with IwaOi writers constantly #also the way I keep ignoring my wips #like someone yell at me #ahaha pain #anyway stan IwaOi for clear skin #<3 #haikyuu #hq