#and that sexually harassing people is bad. and telling how you would rape the 16 year old waitress is bad

[littlegoldfinchh]

.

#every hungarian straight guy should go to therapy or something. or to a camp where they will teach them the definition of ''no'' #and that sexually harassing people is bad. and telling how you would rape the 16 year old waitress is bad #drunk guy next to me was describing how he'd rape that poor girl tonight and. idk it instantly gave me a panic attack #and i have to sleep in the same house as him tonight lol #so i don't care i'll ask my dad to sleep in the same room as me tonight because i don't really feel very cash money rn #and even though he's usually a jerk his presence would really help #idk man im just so fucking tired of this country and i know im overreacting but i got so scared #this never happened to me before and this guy was absolutely serious about it. like he wasn't joking and it was fucking scary #and he kept yelling and i hate when men yell #took a shower and im all alone in the house now. and i know im gonna be fine soon but the panic keeps bubbling up every five minutes #and i really want to be comforted #rambling

[n4talia-chaparro]

"Omg 5 days without posting?! Lmao so funny."

Yeah I get it >|:/

I wanted to make this post cuz a lot of you were so "CoNcERnEd" about me and the allegations made by the anons. And well in case people wanna find "info". I kinda don't care if people wanna keep attacking me and shit but yk. I have to speak up and explain.

So I wanna start by saying that what I did last Thursday and Friday was very retarded and dumb of me and I highly apologize once again. I was not in the right mindset and it was never my intention to ignore anyone's advice. I have been mentally unstable and stressed that I couldn't focus. Yeah. I was having anger issues and a meltdown. I couldn't control them so I'm apologizing for the way I acted that time without thinking straight. It's not easy to be a CU artist because of what's happening and I admit it's not easy for me to be perfect like you guys wanted me to be. I tried everything yet you guys seem to judge and shove words in my damn throat.

About the allegations... the anons were also after one of my moots so I wanted to explain and debunk them. It's giving me a headache and overwhelming the living shit out of me.

(BTW pls I do NOT encourage harassment or any sort of threats to anyone mentioned in this post)

The grooming: this allegation is false. I'm sick of seeing them throwing the allegations around like it was some sort of volleyball-type shit. (I'm A MINOR !!! Not a adult-)

The reason why they were spreading those is because of my grooming situation I had a few years ago when I had 9-11 (and UNSUPERVISED). It all started on amino and I met my groomer. (I'm calling them M cuz yea). M and I were close friends and we used to talk. My groomer was a Krupp x Melvin shipper, a pro-shipper obviously, they would force me to do NSFW roleplay and art based on their favorite ship. (Keep this in mind I was younger at that time and I never knew how to say no to them) and they even guilt-trip me and stuff just make me feel bad and well. They would often force me to ship them too...yikes...

One day we argued and their friends decided to cause drama in the group chat. They pointed fingers at me and called me a predator. Again I was 9. I wasn't aware of what proshipping is until age 12. A lot of shit happened. I got threats, harassment, etc. And at the age of 13-14 I was groomed by someone different um yayy...:/// I was never taught about the internet safety.

And that's where the "Natty is a groomer" bullshit came from :/

I'm 16 now and to this day I keep receiving those rape threats and stuff over my past and then seeing people spreading those is dumb. The anon even went to Linavloger's blog to send a rape threat and told her I was gonna groom her. This is fucking disrespectful. Lina is Younger than me, she's fucking 13. I find it disgusting that you guys choose to tell her that. It's gross for fuck's sake. What is your problem????? For the love of God stop spreading that allegation. Not only you are making me uncomfortable but also the others who were involved. Literally, stop.

My trauma is not for you to joke with it or use it as a shield. It's gross that people are making fun of me for that. No I mean yeah. My past wasn't great because I met people who already sexualized me too many times but it doesn't mean you have to bring it up and tell everyone about it. :"(

The sexualization: The anon mentioned that I sexualized Harold in one of my videos which is again funny yet bullshit because according to them it was because of a pride month pin and small accessories..

When I say pin i meant this- 😭

Like I'm so sorry but how is this sexualizing him? It's a Pride Month pin. A PIN. How the fuck can yall be this stupid. It was an old video and you took it so seriously????? Like what???? Have you read the 12th book??? There's no way you think it's sexualization when it's Harold with an MLM pin.

This also goes to the AGERE subject. I do NOT normalize nor promote ddlg. There's a difference between ddlg/ageplay and an ACTUAL coping mechanism and I'm tired of hearing this bullshit over again like stfu so uh.

Ddlg/ageplay is where random ass adults roleplay as children and do weird shit.

Agere on the other hand is where someone reverts to a young mindset to cope with trauma, stress, severe illness, or disorders. (Mainly a safe way to cope ofc)

These are the differences between them. You cannot just tell me it's the same shit dawg. 😭

The "ripping off" thingy: another thing that I wanna address is about the au :/

The anons that I dealt with were just infini-tree fans/supporters and tree house members. Well idk. They may sound like whiney little cunts but still-- my AU does NOT have any similarity with THAT. Why would I steal ideas from someone who BLOCKED me for no reason and sent her fans after me??? No really how? How can a blocked user steal ideas if they can't see, or interact with the post (like & reblog)? Be real y'all. You may seem ridiculous if you believed those anons cuz none of them didn't pull the evidence out of their ass. 💀

"You need to apologize to her" for what? Dawg I didn't do jack shit to her in the first place LMAO yeah like--- don't get me started on that bs again. I don't wanna hear her damn name, I don't wanna know anything about her aus and shiii-- or anything related to her in my inbox or dm. I do NOT wanna have anything to do with that individual. End of the story. Not trying to be harsh, rude, or anything but like. It's annoying. I don't like to be compared to anyone or deal with the same bullshit.

Mhm yea like man. Idk what else I need to debunk but pls don't believe those anons dawg.

You can't even ask for proof cuz they don't gave any 🥰🥰💀💀💀‼️‼️‼️😭😭😭 LOL IMAGINE FABRICATING ALLEGATIONS Y'ALL ARE SO DUMB 🗣‼️‼️‼️🔥🔥🔥

#just want everyone in the cu community to realize making claims like these is NOT fucking funny at all #idc if you're trolling or playing around. shut the fuck up. rape threats were never funny. #im very bad at explaining. so i apologize if the way i explain seems rushed or hard to understand #i was so stressed and unstable while writing this #natty talks #natty rants #pls read this before saying nonsense or making it out of context #idk if i should tag as CU or not. #ofc the community doesn't give a flying damn about anyone else but themselves #pls leave the the fuck alone. i dont wanna deal with any of you anons or weirdos #FINALLY ADDRESSING THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM OMFG

[chaifootsteps]

Media Illiteracy anon here.

Onto the dreaded episode 4... Warning for SA and all that, of course.

I would like to start by saying that by Definition I am a CSA survivor (I was sexually exploited from age 10 to 16, made to produce CP). But I don't really consider myself to be one since I am not... traumatized by it? I just don't care that it happened. So I don't think I can say much in the way the episode handles SA or even how it might trigger someone who was also exploited for the making of pornography.

That being said. Yikes. I think this episode is the best one so far, as much as it pains me to say that. It's the best paced and it sticks to one plot and the plot... has Some good moments. I really liked the scene where Valentino yells at Angel that he should get rid of Charlie and how he physically abuses him. I think that scene is The best scene in the entire show because of how terrifying it is and how well it shows the damage he causes to Angel as well as his relationships with other people.

I think that scene should've literally been it. It shows physical abuse, it shows Angel's fear, how Valentino owns him (literally) and even implies the SA to come when he says he's going to make him work all day. Overworking is already a horrible thing to put someone through, but as a sex worker there'd be a point where it's no longer enjoyable and you want to stop, which is where it then also becomes rape. That line was Terrifying and made you feel dread with just the Implications of what was gonna happen to Angel, as if This wasn't already bad enough.

Then they ruined it with that stupid song.

Now Poison is not a bad song, in my opinion. I think it sounds nice, and even looking at the lyrics (which is not something I usually focus on, due to the Illiteracy I mentioned), I don't think it's awful. But putting That over a scene where Angel Dust is getting raped On Screen is a bit Very tasteless. That whole scene was Awful, you could easily tell that whoever made it clearly had a thing for it. I'd seen the leaked clip before and that was enough for me to realize how fetishized it was, but seeing there was more was just. Augh. Do they have no shame? It's so blatantly obvious I felt like I was looking at a NSFW Twitter animation.

I kind of hated the aftermath, too. Angel going back to the hotel and drinking was good, but I hated him coming onto Husk like that and then pulling a "a nice guy like me is too good for you anyway". I feel like I had never fully realized before that the Angel and Husk thing was sexual harassment, cause you grow up with movies and shows where like. A female character coming onto a male one is just. Normal, and the result would be them getting into a relationship Anyway, so it was harder for me to recognize that it qualified as Harassment. I think Angel saying that shit made me realize it was and then it was just. Weird. Also the way the line is worded and delivered, it sounds less like that's something Angel is parroting back from what Valentino usually tells him, and more like he wholeheartedly believes it, which certainly didn't help.

Following scene I also kind of like. The bar scene. I liked that even if Husk was reluctant in going, since he doesn't like Angel, and was stalling for time so he wouldn't have to talk to him, he Still stepped in when he saw someone putting something in his drink. I think if this show was written better that could've been a way to show that even those who think they've hit rock bottom are still humans with morals at the core of their beings, and that they still have the ability to care and do good even with years worth of bad decisions and an environment that encourages depravity.

I also liked him getting him out of there and trying to care for him, in his own grumpy old man way. I liked the dark revelation that Angel knows when he's being drugged, and that he just let's it happen because he thinks it gives him some control and that if he's broken enough by this random men, Valentino will finally let him go. That was really messed up.

Then Loser Baby comes on and fucking.

Okay so, I Really like Loser Baby. It's the best show in the show so far. The instrumentals are nice, it's catchy, the lyrics are a little silly and fun, and Keith David carries it, though Blake Roman is not half bad. It's the context in which is used that makes this song just flop HARD.

I think everyone understands what the song was meant to be, and I think it doesn't do Too horribly at connecting both of their situations and how they're not alone because they have each other. It fails at everything else though, because beyond "both are owned by Overlords", Angel's and Husk's situations have Nothing to do with each other, they are Not comparable.

Also calling Angel, a rape victim, a loser is not. Good, even as lighthearted as it is. The song is "suck it up, slut", and while kind of in character for someone in Hell or as grumpy/harsh as Husk, it's still. Yikes? It minimizes the situation way too much, this is not an "Oopsie, made the wrong choices in life" moment. He's getting actually abused and that's not his fault.

Also Alastor fucked off for 7 years and all he makes Husk do now is man a bar where he does nothing all day except drink alcohol. Angel is going through the worst Alastor could've done to Husk, on a Daily Basis, and even if Alastor could be cruel, it would be extremely out of character for him to straight up Rape Husk too. Or torture him without killing him, even torture doesn't seem like something he would do, at least not to Husk specifically.

Husk's lines are tone deaf and kind of offensive, but I think they're passable since it's at least Trying to say something positive, even if they're doing it poorly. Angel's though... Again, you can just Tell someone with a fetish is writing him. I hate how he says "I've got an appetite for samplin'" and "I've got no holes left to deflower". That's super insensitive, it doesn't even feel as an Hypersexuality thing, especially that second line. It doesn't feel like it's "i love being a slut because it's reclaiming my stolen sexuality", it feels like. Shock? Value? like "i'm a big whore", and that's it. It's hard to put into words, because the message comes across in every bad possible way, I have Nothing positive to say about it.

The only good thing about Loser Baby that I like, aside from the sound of the song itself, is the little dancing bits between Husk and Angel. They're kind of cute, I like how he's trying to cheer him up by pulling him up and making him dance with him a little bit.

Augh. After that there's this bit where Husk says Angel needs to learn to respect his boundaries. I Like this scene but the context diminishes the impact it could've had by a lot. It's trying to acknowledge that Angel's sexual harassment is Bad, whether it's a trauma response or not, and that he needs to Stop. And Husk is willing to start from zero with him and become friends if they start like that.

I kind of Like that they're acknowledging that it's bad, and i Would've liked Husk telling him they can be friends if he learns to respect his boundaries but like. Do we Really want to be like that about someone who sexually harassed someone else? That they can be friends? I feel like that is a bit insensitive and offensive to victims. I myself would Not like to be friends with my abuser even if he begged on his knees to be my friend.

It's also implied that Husk and Angel end up romantically involved. If you could excuse the befriending thing, saying that maybe it's not the same since Angel never Touched Husk sexually, i still think that going and making them Lovers is harmful. A "he yanks on your ponytails because he likes you" kind of situation. I like them as friends, hate them as lovers.

Another big problem I have is Charlie. She's a cardboard cut out in her own show. She's a background character in the episode where she causes the main conflict.

She's a bit of a pushover, cause she's nice. Even with pilot Charlie I don't think she's too OOC since calling the news reporter a bitch and defending yourself against her is not really comparable to being face to face with a rapist who is actively harming your friend. She can't just kill him, sinners reform eventually, and then be would be even angrier. Not at her but at Angel, because it's his fault Charlie even got to lay a hand on him in the first place. I think it's a more complex situation than "why didn't she just kill him".

But for as complex as the situation could be, Charlie is extremely. Simple. She barely appears and it's just "I'm sorry" and it's all fixed. I feel like there could've been a bigger emphasis on Charlie's and Angel's relationship (even while still keeping Husk's involvement in it all). I also kind of hate the treatment of her? Like how when Angel says he forgives her, she Cries and is carried away by Vaggie. Idk, that scene made me a bit uncomfortable. They treated her as if she was a child and it was Weird.

I think this episode had a lot of potential to be good and fumbled the bag catastrophically. Husk and Charlie are Worse characters because of it.

That's all. I can only hope the plot twist leaks aren't true, because this story is barely salvageable and that "Rosie is actually Lilith" bullshit will just ruin my experience from how stupid it is. You can be as painfully oblivious as me and this show will still find a way to make itself as dreadful as possible. I really don't understand why so many fans are so aggressive about criticism, I think they also see the disappointing bits but are far too committed to back down and admit they were wrong, so they just double down. I liked Most of the show, even though it's mostly because i already had Some attachment, curiosity and knowledge from before. But it's not as good as it had the potential to be, nor is it the single best show to have ever existed. It's honestly sad that many people, such as myself, have to go on anon on a poor person's blog to lightly criticize the show, because they're too afraid to be harassed or sent their literal house address on a direct message.

Thank you and goodnight, Chai!

You see, this is what I get out of running this blog. You guys write up these fabulous essays taking all the words out of my mouth, and it's deeply cathartic.

Try to hang in there. Vivzie's fandom will probably never go away completely, but I really do think their reign of terror is coming to an end.

#Anonymous #media illiteracy #viv stuff #actual blog post

[dreamswap-crackhead-council]

Maybe y’all should learn how to block people instead of airing your drama in fandom tags. Being called a pedophile is a very serious accusation, and you have every right to be upset, but going “fuck you” to an entire fandom because of some drama from mods of a past blog is ridiculous.

Can't wait until you've realized I've already blocked all of those people and they're still harassing me on my personal blog and this blog, alongside the ds defunct council when it ran. Hope you have eyes to know that that message I got was anonymous too.

In fact, here's the blocklist I had set up before this little weasley cunt decided to show up in MY blog, barge into MY space, and call ME a pedo.

note: majority of these people in the old image have had their name cleared for the most part? so i changed the image. Pls kindly do not harass the people in the old dni, just like King Fox/Foxxism - do not harass him! DO NOT HARASS HIM!

Clearly they're still getting support somewhere, and whether that's from Kai and Frey, or the IBVS gang, or some random fuckwads with an iq of a sponge and the usefulness of dirty soap, or they're doing it cause they think they can get away with it in this fandom, clearly whatever I've done so far (which was: generally keep it in this circle) has not deterred them from harassing me, so I guess I gotta reach for bigger and bigger guns.

You know what's also serious? King Fox going around into people's DMs and whispering to them about all the shit I supposedly did, and not allowing me to tell my side of the story. But the second I exclaim what happened in a public space, apparently I'm the bad guy. By speaking out about the abuse I'm going through, I'm "causing too much of a ruckus".

Imagine telling that to the victims of Glitchtale's creators, who've undoubtedly have experienced that already. Imagine having the GALL on telling that to the people who were sexually harassed and raped by others in the #MeToo movement.

Imagine telling this to any victim, as if this fandom is a religious place and I need to keep hush-hush about the abuse the pastors and popes put me through.

You know what that sounds like to me? That sounds like victim blaming. Oh, don't hold the people harassing me to their actions, it's my fault apparently for not liking that. Oh, it's my fault apparently for being sensitive about sweammare or jmv in the past, even if the shit in that hit a little close to home. How dare I tell a snot-nosed kid to stop fucking being a bitch to me, I must be an absolute fucking predator aren't I? /sarcasm

It's amazing too. Hey Mod Smoke, remember when we used to date before you realized you were aroace, and Frey and their ex-datemate kept claiming to others that I must be abusing you because you're ace and I'm dating you? Oh, but if I mention that, I must be rocking the boat, as if those accusations weren't still standing to this day for some people who heard that from them, because bitches would rather sweep that shit under the rug or "well acktually 🤓" explaining it away rather then apologize for their fucking shenanigans and tell others they were wrong, even if that have or had real-life consequences for me.

Or that time I was excluded from the fandom at the ripe age of 15 with a mom who "homeschooled" me so the only friends I even had were in that fandom, and then I was proceeded to be called acephobic, and now years later Frey claims to "not remember", even though I'm the one with the disorder that causes memory lapses, so what is their fucking excuse? Amazing how universally, bullies don't remember their bullying, and yet when the victims call them out, they're making a fuss and "they were just a child, they need to move on" as if bullying doesn't leave people scarred for many years to come, and that apparently because being a kid excuses every single action in the past. You know who's also still a kid (16-17 range) as far as I know? King Fox. You going to excuse his shitty and vile behavior because he's a kid still too?

I'm so glad I have better friends then the lot of you. Might I also note the closer circle of my friends are also ace, and if any of them thought I was an acephobic asshole, I'm sure they would have ditched me after four damn years?

This fandom is a fucking fermented vat for abuse to spring up, and it's fucking epidemic. This fandom has excused shitty actions from people who should have been held liable. Clearly you don't remember the shit Kai and Frey did to another 15 year old (not me, shockingly enough), who they literally called a reverse pedophile, or the bullshit they said about Joku when they hopped on that train of "joku bad us good". Huh, it's almost as if they seem to target the people who happen to also have autism, too!

I'm so tired of people who don't even bother apologizing.

Does any of this make you uncomfortable? Then good, because clearly that means I'm doing my job right in showing you the ugly heart of this shitty place outside the area I've carved from the flesh.

And just because I was an extra good boy for Christmas, I'll fucking treat myself to tagging this in the fandom again, cause clearly those in the back need to hear it better.

And just to smear it in your face: go fuck yourself, anon. You have no say or power here.

#mod felis #anon ask #anon hate #dreamswap #ibvs

[brett-is-afraid]

what's your experience with rpf to create trauma??

So, the tldr of it is that I had people write rpf of me (and the trauma I experienced as a child) when I was a minor (less than 16) and send it directly to me. They harassed me with it and would create new accounts to do so.

I'll explain everything more under the cut.

Massive trigger warning for sexual abuse of a child, harassment, stalking, incest, rape, suicide baiting, mentions of abortions, transphobia/misgendering, and generally people just being fucking awful??

I'll section off the part that's extremely graphic (this is the part where I get into the details of what was actually said/done explicitly) so you can avoid it. It has bold red letters telling you when it starts and finishes.

But like, this is not light. Please don't read further if you're bothered by this kind of stuff. But do keep in mind that I've healed a lot from this experience now.

So, I have a lot of trauma from my childhood. Both sexually and just generally.

I've never really gone into details about it online because frankly I just don't want to.

But when I was about 14, I was having a really difficult time with school and my real life. So, I decided to make a Tumblr account to connect with other people. (Worst idea ever, tbh. don't have a tumblr when you're 14 lol /hj)

I'd shared some of what had happened to me in anti circles because I used to be an anti. I was never telling anybody to kill themselves or anything like that, but I made TONS of posts talking about how toxic a certain ship was and anyone who defended it was weird and creepy.

I was generally very accepted within the anti circles and I got a lot of support for my sexual abuse.

However. At the age of about 15, I switched sides. I'd always liked ships that were also problematic, so I found it easy to kind of realize that "hey what I'm doing is shitty."

And that's when the issues started.

I was 15 years old with unfiltered access to the internet. And like a lot of 15 year olds, I did a lot of stupid shit.

But mainly, I was just very vocally pro ship. I'd reblog antis posts and tell them off. I'd make tons of posts of my own. I was just generally very open and very vocal. I was very, very argumentative. Like most teenagers with trauma online are.

I would often clap back at antis who compared fiction to csa and go "well I'm a victim of csa and I'm using it to cope" and "don't compare fictional content to actual sexual abuse."

And this is where stuff kinda got bad.

A bunch of antis, some of them being people I used to be friends with, started making callout posts about me.

And in these posts, they pointed out I had experienced sexual abuse as a child. And some details got leaked. Nothing major, just the ages I was when that kind of stuff started happening, but it was still part of my trauma that got shared without my consent.

And this is when stuff really started to get bad.

At some point when I was 15, I pissed off an adult so badly that they began harassing and stalking my account. They'd send me tons of hate messages and anons. They'd make new accounts to send me more if I blocked them.

Some of these things would be "stories" they wrote about me being abused and would then send directly to me.

People, for lack of a better word, wrote rpf of my real life trauma when I was 15 years old and sent it to me. They'd write paragraphs of "stories" where I was experiencing sexual trauma, sometimes where I was enjoying what was happening to me. And they'd ask if they got it right or if I enjoyed what they wrote. A lot of times they'd say "well she must like what I wrote cause she likes to write that kinda shit."

At the time, I didn't write or engage with rpf. I was a pro shipper in regular fictional fandoms, so this wasn't even an argument.

I dealt with a loooot of transphobia back then.

Extremely graphic part coming up

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In these messages, they'd tell me to kill myself a lot. And would detail how they thought I should do it. They'd send me gore and self-harm pics. To the point where I wouldn't even look at my messages anymore.

They also told me that I deserved my sexual abuse and they'd speculate on what had actually happened. They'd speculate on who had sexually abused me and what exactly they did.

Their favorite was writing short stories (a few paragraphs in length usually) where they'd go into detail about various male figures in my life abusing me in graphic detail. And enjoying it.

They'd send me messages where they'd discuss that I "probably liked" the abuse and that's why I was pro ship.

One thing I remember stuck out in particular to me was a time when I received a message where they told me they hoped I got raped so much that I needed to keep getting abortions and it "ruined my body."

After that, I received plenty of messages where they said that I probably already had. And that they hoped it kept happening to me.

I also remember that I was told a lot, "you seem like one of those kids whose dad's used their cock as a pacifier." Like, messages like this happened A LOT. I don't know what it is that made people cling to that sentiment, but they loved it. They'd switch out 'dad' for various other male figures and would change up the statement a little. But they were in the same vein.

Like I said before, a lot of people would just speculate on the details of what happened to me too and treat it like it was some funny game.

And keep in mind, a lot of different people made posts about/towards me. This wasn't just an isolated incident.

Not all of them were as severe, but I got tagged in posts telling me to kill myself, tagged in self-harm/gore a lot.

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Extremely graphic part over

It came to a point when a person made a tumblr account where they....I guess impersonated me? It was like a mix between impersonation and parody.

They used my username at the time, just changing one word out to make it more graphic. (So, if my username was something like foxlikebox, they changed it to foxlikecocks. This was not it, this is just an example.)

And they did their bio to make it seem like they were me. And they'd post all kinds of horrible stuff "as me." (Reminder, I was like 15 years old at the time.)

They'd also screenshot ALL of my posts that they could and they'd crop/edit them to be something bad. They'd constantly reblog my posts and do this kind of thing too. But most the time, it was them screenshotting it to make it seem like I'd said something bad.

I don't remember exactly how it stopped, but one day, it did. I've since deleted that account and any traces of it. And I hope I never have to deal with that again.

Having been through that, it always feels a little ridiculous when people hit me with "well what if people were writing smut about you" because people WERE. People were writing absolutely vile stuff about me. When I was 15 years old. And I still support rpf to this day because I think it's fine as long as you're not sending that type of content to the person. (And obviously not genuinely wishing them harm, ofc.)

#brett speaks #asks #anon #i'm sure ive forgotten some parts of what happened #but this is the major gist of it

[adonis-koo]

tease

| 16 |

↳ Summary: You came with the intentions of your best friend landing a job as a stripper. You never meant to catch the eyes of the king stripper of the establishment- Jeon Jungkook, yourself. With what was supposed to be a harmless way of paying off college debt faster you find yourself falling into a very odd and passionate relationship with your new mentor. Between infidelity, passion and jealousy there’s never a dull moment at Cherry Bomb.

↳ Pairing: Stripper!Jungkook/Reader

↳ Genre: Smut, fluff, angst, drama, slice of life, relationship problems without the relationship, reader is such a shy baby protect her, MUTUAL pining, so much sexual frustration,  

Word Count: 12k

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Warning: This story touches on both sexual harassment and abuse, please read with caution if any of these things are triggers to you. Additional warnings will be given when a chapter presents them.

TW: There is a lot of implied dubious sex and implied rape/sexual harassment in this chapter, if any of these are triggers please read with caution 🖤

You wouldn’t deny, you felt extremely excited while standing in the large room, vanity lights in classic Vegas style were lit up above the long vanity table, the standing hanging rack had all your costumes on it and while your name wasn’t in plaque it was hastily written on a taped up piece of paper. These people actually considered you a soloist….only by definition considering it was your last week...But still, it was exciting!

Taking a seat in the cushioned chair you got to work on your makeup to begin with, it was Vegas, and considering this was a VIP party you figured it would be okay to really go all out cutcrease makeup, sharp wings and eyelashes that could be mistook for fans, the whole nine yards.  You had originally gone to skip a song on your phone, what you hadn’t expected was paragraph long message from the last person on your mind. 

Seriously? No seriously…? Annoyance twisted and snapped in your veins like a wildfire, as you continuously reread the text, did Seulgi ever truly know you at all? Where was this message when your relationship was toxic with Jungkook? Where was she when Hanjae broke into your apartment? Where was she when you completely ruined your first ever soloist performance? Where was she when you actually needed her? 

You hadn’t even realized your hands were trembling or heard the knock on the door until the familiar voice of Jimin interrupted you, “Y/n! Y/n? Hey, you’re on in ten, why aren’t you dressed?” 

Your gaze snapped from your phone to the blonde before you rubbed your forehead, you didn’t have time for her issues right now, it would just have to wait. Standing up you pressed your lips together before sighing, “Sorry, Seulgi just sent me a paragraph text,” You pulled the oversized shirt over your head as you walked over to the costume rack, you already had your lingerie set underneath but it was always more comfortable to get ready in loose clothing, “Out of the blue! Seriously, what is her problem?” 

You could hear Jimin snort behind you in amusement as you pushed your shorts down, looking over your shoulder with an ungrateful expression to which he straightened up at, “Ah sorry. Honestly? She’s probably just jealous...I mean, think about it, you were chosen to be trained by the most popular stripper in Cherry Bomb when you had no intention of even becoming a stripper at all, you were chosen to become a temporary soloist and now you made it on the list for Seasonella as a soloist and she didn’t even make the cut at all.” 

You stopped dead in your tracks, your fingers still coiled against the black pencil skirt that sat at your hips as you turned to face Jimin, “...She didn’t make the list…?” Yikes... Suddenly her message made a lot more sense...Not so much her message, but the timing of it. You glanced back at the costume rack, suddenly feeling a mix of both pity yet anger, this was your job, not high school cheer tryouts! “I honestly don’t know what to do with her anymore, I mean...Sure I feel bad she didn’t make the list, but is it really that big of a deal?” 

“Not really, but strippers are considerably catty,” Jimin leaned against the back of the couch as he shrugged, “Seulgi honestly fits the filler role perfect. It’s a shame really, she has all the potential to become a soloist.” 

You couldn’t help but tilt your head at his works, pulling the sheer button up top over your head before semi tucking it in, “Well somebody needs to tell her that so she’ll get off my ass. Don’t get me wrong, I understood at first Jimin, I really did,” Your eyes were semi glossed and pleading before you sighed, gritting your teeth, “But now it’s just petty.” 

“Well that’s the thing,” Jimin snorted a laugh as you pulled the brown trench coat over your shoulders, “Don’t you get it Y/n?” You paused at his words, his smile playful as he began laughing, as if he knew a secret you didn’t, “That’s her problem. Seulgi needs to constantly be petted, the only person that’s holding her back from becoming a soloist is herself, if she didn’t need to be groomed and the center of attention constantly, if she’d just shut up and do the work that’s needed without constantly being praised for it. She’d easily make it to the top. But because she can’t, because she’s used to everyone telling her how amazing she is, she’s never going to get there.”

Jimin tucked his tongue into his cheek as he scoffed, “People like that annoy the fuck out of me. That’s what makes you different from her, yeah you were coddled by Jungkook in the beginning, but you never expected that out of him. You never anticipated any of us drowning you in praise and telling you ‘you’d definitely become a soloist;. No, you struggled like most of us did in the beginning, you worked your ass off in the beginning and now it’s paying off. That’s her problem.” 

Your lips parted at his words, rather shocked to see Jimin feel so defensive for you. Pressing your lips together as you fiddled with your jacket, you never realized he felt so strongly about your situation with Seulgi, “...Do you think I’ve changed?” That was the one thing that bothered you, this whole time Seulgi kept proclaiming you had changed, was it really that bad?

“Yeah,” Your gaze snapped to Jimin’s figure as he shrugged, pushing his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket, presumably what he was wearing for the stage, “But change isn’t always a bad thing Y/n. Don’t let people hold you down just because they want to stay the same.” 

Sighing, you wrapped your arms around yourself as you leaned against the wall, thinking on his words. You supposed, Jimin was right, change wasn’t always a bad thing. And looking back, maybe you had changed? 

But it’s like he said, it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, you needed that change to happen. Or else things with Jungkook would have exploded and you could have potentially ruined your relationship with him. Your heart trembled at that idea, the memory of him and you both distant but still fresh. Jungkook was so important to you, you couldn’t lose him, and you changed not for him, but for yourself. So had he. 

“I didn’t take you for a therapist Jimin.” You glanced up as a mutual smile pulled on both your and his lips as you shared a laugh, shaking your head as you stepped into your heels, “Thanks though,” You furrowed your brows before smiling a little, glancing up at him as you nodded, “I...I think I needed to hear that. I should make my way backstage, good luck!” 

Jimin tipped his fedora at you with a wink as he replied, “Too you as well, you’ll need it. Cya Y/n.” 

Keeping his words in mind you gave yourself a mini pep talk as you made your way backstage, it was even more crowded here then at a busy day at work and it was more chaotic than you could have ever imagined. You could do this. Being on stage wasn't what made you nervous anymore. It was getting off stage and finding out just what exactly Seasonella was. 

The stage manager nodded in acknowledgement as you stood off to the side, peering out from behind the stage where your heart did a little leap at the sight of Jungkook. Swallowing the lump in your throat at how good he looked in a three piece suit and his gelled, styled hair. He must have just started his routine, his music was bassy and slow and the floor he stood on wafted with smoke, presumably from dry ice off stage. 

Wrapping your arms around yourself you watched the way he easily swiveled his hips turning away from the audience, popping the jacket off his shoulders, oddly enough despite the large crowd nobody seemed to even be paying attention besides a few whistles here and there. Glancing over his shoulder he offered a sultry smirk, even after all this time he never failed to make your heart race and your face flushed as you dropped your gaze. He wasn’t even looking at you, in fact, he probably didn’t even know you were next in line up. Jungkook’s routine was slow and easy going as he began to shed his clothes, as if he was in no real hurry, soaking up his time on stage. 

He really was a natural.

Just the way his hips would slowly roll before snapping, those large calloused hands slowly running up against his chest to pop the first button of his white button up. You could easily see why Jungkook thrived in this environment, now thinking about it. It was easy because it was only skin deep, Jungkook was comfortable in his body and it showed, being a stripper was hard, but it was only skin deep, you didn’t have to get personal or open up to anyone in this business.

But even with all of that in mind, his eyes, it was always his eyes that showed when he wasn’t feeling his performance, when something was on his mind. Nobody ever seemed to notice it but you. No matter how many smirks and teasing smiles Jungkook flashed it was his eyes that seemed...disinterested? Maybe...maybe even upset?

You didn’t like it, it drove your instincts wild with a need to sit on his lap and grab his face to look at you and ask him what was wrong, but then again, did you really need to? Given what had happened this morning? He was upset when you pushed him away, hell he was upset when he left after his shower. Neither of you had spoken when he left either, he just kept looking at you, longingly, as if hoping maybe you’d speak to him, to give him a chance. 

It wasn’t that you didn’t want to speak to him, it was just...what was there to even talk about? He wasn’t going to convince you this was okay, because it wasn’t. None of this was okay. You didn’t like being on terms like this with him, but what else was there to discuss? It was what it was, all either of you could do was do your job. 

It wasn’t like you were mad at him, Jungkook was a stripper, but so were you. Yes it was upsetting and it hurt that he’d be sleeping with other people, but so were you...You sighed, massaging the temple of your head as you watched his hand slip down to squeeze the thick imprint that pressed against his slacks. You couldn’t stop the quirk in your lips at the sight, even when he was upset he still managed to sport a boner, of course he could.

It was odd watching him pop the button of his slacks, usually by this point girls were practically screaming, but instead it was quiet besides the song that played as the slacks fell off his thick muscular thighs that flexed. You were semi perplexed at the sight of Versace strapped against his skin rather than his regular Calvin Kleins, you couldn’t help but grind your teeth at the idea of that girl buying them for him. It had to be her. Eva.

Was she out in the crowd somewhere enjoying the show? Or was she intending on making him strip again just for her in private. The idea made you livid and the intense desire to jab her eyes out for even looking at what was yours. It was hard to imagine you were actually blushing and melting into your chair when you first laid eyes on Jungkook’s figure on stage. Now you just felt a vague sense of depression watching him hook his thumbs to the band of his boxers.

Maybe it was a sense of defeat that you felt watching him proudly flaunt his hardened cock on stage. A part of you couldn’t help but snicker though, it was so typical of him. Exibitionism was one of his biggest kinks after all. His song had come to an end, the stage lights dimming as people rushed past you, a robe in hand for Jungkook as he came off stage. 

No words were spoken, your gaze only catching his for a second before you were being ushered on stage. Nodding you hurried out in the blackout. Leaning against the pole you made yourself comfortable, it wasn’t time to think anymore. All you had to do was dance. 

The lights immediately flickered on as the intro of your music started out, the smirk immediately pulling on your lips as you turned your head to face the crowd. Most of the crowd wasn’t even paying attention to you, some people seated others standing and talking to one another. What even was Seasonella for? Just connection building for the wealthy?

Letting your hands drag up your body, you slide down the pole letting your legs open naturally before letting your knees drop to let your hands support you on the ground. Your face pressing against the ground as you let your hand circle around your face. Just who were these nameless faces? Just like Jungkook, you weren’t at your best performance. Not that anyone could tell as you rolled to your back letting your legs raise up and set against the pole before letting one slide down as your hands squeezed up your chest, the smile teasing on your lips as you sent a wink out to the crowd. 

That's when you saw him though, Jungkook fully dressed once more, hair damp from sweat and still adjusting the buttons of his loose black button up, his gaze not on Eva who was excitedly waiting for him, instead he was watching you as he ran a hand through his hair. 

Letting your legs open slightly you sat up with your thighs sandwiched between the pole as you rested your head against it, letting the jacket fall off your shoulders as you sent a flirty gasp at the crowd before letting it drop to the ground. 

Making your way to stand up you swayed your hips as you turned to face the crowd, a smug look twisting on to your features at the sight of Eva obviously not happy at your boyfriend checking you out. Keeping a wide stance you dropped slightly to circle your ribs while letting your hands drag up your thighs, teasingly pulling your skirt up higher. Turning to face the wall you curved your spine to highlight your ass as you teased even more, pulling the skirt up to flash the lingerie you wore before tugging the skirt back down. 

You noticed whatever position Jungkook was in he must have left, or maybe Eva had dragged him away at the short time span your back was facing the audience, regardless they couldn’t have left already, right? Pulling your shirt from it’s tuck in your skirt you pulled it out farther as you sunk back down to a slut drop, they couldn’t have gotten far.

Just as you stood back up, hooking your thumb beneath the fabric of your top, a smirk flashed towards the audience that only a few eyes watched you curiously with, that’s when your eyes tracked that messy head of hair again. Jungkook was sitting down, his arm wrapped around Eva who was more than happily snuggled against him, chatting away with what appeared to be her friends. The other person who had stuck out to you was Diego who sat at their table, his eyes however, unshockingly were roaming your body. 

You decided to pay him no mind as you pulled the shirt over your head, letting your upper body become exposed and the glittery, strappy push up bra become displayed. Maybe you were just imagining it but you could have swore Eva had jumped in Jungkook’s tightening grip. His eyes also on you while occasionally glaring daggers at Diego. God you would kill to be listening to that conversation. 

Letting your hips sway softly you strutted further up stage, your arms over head before they groped their way down your body. Turning to face away from the crowd you looked over your shoulder, a playful smile tugging at your lips as you reached for the clasp of your bra. Unhooking it before letting it drop to the ground leaving your bare back on display. 

Turning to face the audience you let your hips begin to sink once more as you let them sway hiding your breasts teasingly behind your hands that began to massage them. It was weird, being in a reversed role where it was your eyes that met Jungkooks from the stage, rather than the other way around. 

Except rather than squirming in embarrassment Jungkook had zero shame in letting his eyes roam all over your body, his lip catching between his teeth and you were all too familiar with that dark look in his eyes. His chin lifting a little in that standoffish, domineering way it always did when he got turned on. 

You however, weren’t yourself at the moment. Rather shy away from his gaze you welcomed it, letting your lips twitch back into a cocky smirk as your hands traveled down your body, your tits perking a little in arousal as your hands slid down your skirt. You could practically see the way Jungkook was eye fucking you, his hand that about been resting on the table curling into a fist and his expression becoming darker by the moment. 

You hadn’t said anything, hell you hadn’t even done anything, but you could tell he wanted to put you over his lap. And there was nothing he could do about it. Something about being aware of that practically made your confidence shoot through the roof as you sent him a playful wink. Effortlessly pushing down the skirt that complied, hitting the ground to reveal the almost light golden, sequin g string you wore beneath, the sheer gold stockings and garter belt to match on display. You could even hear a few whistles from the audience only making you that much cockier. 

And Jungkook was livid. So livid. Despite sitting far away you could see the way his jaw clenched and his fist uncurled and impatiently tapped against the table, as if itching to get his hands on you. Arousal instantly shot between your legs, his dark, lust filled gaze making your body anxious granted this was the most inconvenient timing ever.

If they saw you wet, then that’s just what was gonna happen, you’d just blame it on Jungkook given he was the reason you were in this state. There was no point in worrying about it now. With that in mind you sunk to the ground, crawling out on your hands and knees, letting your tits bounce a little as you dropped to your forearms. Jungkook leaned back in his seat, the vein on his neck popped and you could even see his chest puffing a little. 

The sight made you want to laugh, and for a split second a genuine smile wiggled it’s way onto your lips, before the seductive one quickly took back over as your thighs slid to the ground. Rolling on to your back your vision of him was upside down but that didn’t deter you from letting your hands drag back up your body, letting them squeeze against your breasts as your thighs rubbed together, warm arousal beginning to make your panties stick your folds as you let your body begin to roll as your hips thrusted upwards. 

Your hands sliding back down your body as you began to tug your panties off, gaze never breaking away from Jungkook’s figure, that looked close to a starved man ready to sit between your thighs at the moment. Your panties were unshockingly wet as you kicked them off. As if you weren’t aroused before you certainly were now, naked on stage for the whole floor to see. But with your eyes locked with Jungkook’s it wasn’t like that, it was just you and him at the moment. No party, no one else, just you and him. 

Pulling yourself to sit up you turned to face the audience once more on your knees, a cocky smile tugging on your lips as you let them slide apart. Your cunt was aching and glistening at being exposed as your hands ran up your body, playing with your hair as you heard another round of whistles.

But this wasn’t about them, this was about Jungkook’s clenched jaw and the way he bounced his knee impatiently, the way his fingers twitched against his glass and his eyes roaming all over your exposed body. You didn’t need to see his lap to know he was hard. Crawling back on your hands and knees one last time you sent a one more wink to the audience before rolling to the side. Sitting upright as you finished your last pose. 

The lights went black as you quickly stood up. Walking off stage as best you could in your heels as you grabbed the robe from one of the stage assistants. Wrapping it around your body you let a giggle escape your lips.

Jungkook was turned on, but so were you. You’ll forever have the look on his face stained in your head, maybe something you both could laugh over later and then bang because it would make him horny. 

Walking back to your dressing room you closed the door. Kicking off your heels as you pulled your hair up into a bun to focus on getting dressed. Sitting down you unclipped your stockings before walking over to your bag. You supposed your black mini dress would do, and maybe you’d wear a pair of your black fishnet stockings to go with it? Biting against your lip you figured that would do it before getting changed. Fixing the deep v neck that plunged, showing off your cleavage before pulling out a black pair of pumps to match. 

You wouldn’t be able to talk to Jungkook...but maybe taking Diego up on his offer meant you could see him more? It was a gamble. Nibbling against your lip you fixed your hair in the mirror, putting your phone in the cup of your bra before adjusting it to not make it look obvious. Would you even want to see him this weekend? 

Regardless Diego Friar might as well have been a pile of money sitting at your doorstep, he would be paying you for your company and you knew he’d pay well. This was why you were doing this after all. This was supposed to justify the means. Somehow. Nodding you stood up before heading out. Soloist’s seemed to do more of the entertaining for the guests than actually dancing, although you couldn’t say it was completely true for you. You still had five more dances to get through tonight but at least you had a good hour break before going on back to back. 

Did they really only keep you here as prostitutes? You couldn’t help but wonder about that question, hardly anyone even watched you show. Pushing the door open to enter into the main room you let your eyes wash over the crowd. Why not just hire prostitutes? 

It was legal here in Nevada, why make the strippers do it under dubious consent? Surely the clients budget wasn’t that tight. You supposed there was no point in making sense of it. While Diego would pay for your company, you wouldn’t lie if you said there weren't any underlying motives here. Diego was the client's son, surely he’d know what was going on...Not that you assumed he’d willingly tell you but...A little investigating wouldn’t hurt, right? 

You knew the only thing you needed to focus on was getting to the end of the weekend, but you couldn’t help but wonder, if something illegal was going on here, shouldn’t somebody stop it? Stopping in front of the table you couldn’t help the laugh that escaped you to see Diego standing up, as if waiting confidently, knowing you would come to this table. 

“That was some performance doll.” He sent you a wink, his lips quirked into a smirk confidently, as if you had completely done that just for him. Had Diego not caught on between you and Jungkook? Or was he really that distracted by your body?

You offered a small smile in return as you wrapped your arms around yourself, “I told you I was saving my energy. So I was thinking,” You stretched your sentence as a playful smile tugged on your lips, “About your deal.” 

Diego’s smirk was only reinforced by your words as he confidently strode up to you, “And?” The idea of sleeping with Diego was... less than appealing... but you had a lot of options to weigh here. The first being you were likely to see Jungkook more often, the second being you wouldn’t be passed from creep to creep and the third and last option was the one which wasn’t a good idea. 

You wanted to know why the hell Seasonella existed, what was its purpose, who were these people? Diego was the client's son, if somebody knew the ropes of this party, it was him. 

‘I’ve heard all kinds of rumors about our strippers coming here and not returning to Korea because of being difficult’

That’s the same words Jungkook told you. He wanted you to just go with the flow so nothing happened to you. Going with Diego was both the safest and most dangerous option, depending on how you played your cards. But you were willing to make a deal with the devil to find out, “I’ll agree to it, with some ground rules,” 

Diego chuckled, shifting his weight from one foot to another, running a hand through his hair as he nodded, though it almost seemed vaguely patronizing, “Alright doll, that’s fair enough, what are these rules?”

“Condoms on at all times,” You immediately listed off, attempting to not wrinkle your nose at the idea of feeling him..raw...inside you...it made your stomach churn unpleasantly, “I’m not looking to get knocked up,” You offered a humored smile despite it feeling mildly forced, “And I want my mornings to myself,” You added, remembering Jungkook’s words, him telling you to ask for the mornings so you could at least be together then, “Two rules, and I’m all yours.”

You knew Jungkook wanted nothing more than to make sure you were safe. But you needed answers, you needed to know why this was happening. And furthermore, what part of this was illegal, if any at all. 

Diego gave you a smile, his arm immediately wrapping around you as he replied, “Your rules are gold baby. You won’t be disappointed. C’mon, let's get you a drink and sit down.” It felt weird being held by somebody else while sipping on your classic margarita, taking a seat down at the table where Jungkook’s eyes glared at the arm wrapped around your shoulder like it pissed him off. It probably did. You could only hope Jungkook didn’t get the wrong idea about this, you weren’t doing this to spite him. 

You did it for multiple reasons, none which even involved him...Well, none that involved him in a bad way. But to see Jungkook so...docile in a situation like this? In a situation  “This is Y/n, the lovely doll I’ve been talking about.” Diego introduced you to his friends, mutual friends of Eva as well you assumed. It was coincidental that you and Jungkook just so happened to be sitting on the inside of the table next to one another, a respectful distance between you both given you both were supposed to be closer to each sibling. 

“It’s so nice to meet you!” You gave a bright smile at the man- Lorenzo who was an italian with a strong accent and didn’t seem incredibly familiar with Koren, but enough that you could hold a steady conversation, he also seemed to be a considerably close friend of Diego’s compared to all of the others, “I hope you’ve been enjoying the show up on stage.” 

What you hadn’t expected was a large, wrathful hand to harshly clamp your inner thigh making you nearly choke on your drink, callous fingers digging into your soft skin while roughly massaging closer to your core. 

Your eyes sent sharp daggers to Jungkook’s figure, who was innocently on his side of the table, his free arm wrapped around Eva while conversing with her and one of her friends, acting as if he totally wasn’t groping you. This was not the time or place to be doing this! 

“Ah yes, you put on quite the show.” You gave a forced smile at Lorenzo as you tried to wiggle your leg from Jungkook's grasp, it was useless though as he squeezed harder, his nails pleasantly digging into your skin as if in warning to stop. 

It wasn’t even fair, Jungkook was speaking to Eva and her friends in english which you could only pick bits and pieces of conversation out of while he could hear everything you said. You tried your best, you really did. But Jungkook’s long thick fingers were making it difficult to focus, never quite making it to where you had hoped it would, but just enough to keep you on edge. 

Was this some possessive display or reminder to you? You wished you could just ask Jungkook what his problem was. Maybe he was mad you weren’t wearing your collar, but could he really expect you too when...You couldn’t help but shudder. This was going to be a long night. 

The night dragged on and admittedly, you couldn’t help but tense at all the pleasantries, you honestly assumed Diego would jump you the moment he got his hands on you but then again, he was from a prestigious family, clearly. 

You sighed as you glanced at yourself in the mirror, rubbing the towel over the back of your neck that had broken out in a sweat, you were used to dancing on stage but something about being here had made you nervous. You weren’t sure what it was but the whole vibe of this place put you on edge. Shaking your head you pulled the skirt up to your waist before finishing putting on the rest of your clothes. 

Dread filled your stomach but you couldn’t help it, anytime you weren’t dancing you were with Diego, you assumed the moment he got you alone he’d jump you but he had behaved well...But now your night of stripping was over, your body was tired and so were you but...Well you had a feeling the night had only just begun in other ways. 

Jungkook had disappeared a while ago with Eva and her friends, he had finished earlier in the night then you but given he was more social it wasn’t a surprise he had stayed to converse with her and her friends. Or maybe it was Eva who wanted to stay longer?

You couldn’t help but feel a simmering anger boil inside you at the idea of someone controlling and dictating the man you loved. You forcibly calmed yourself as you pushed your hair off your shoulder. This wasn’t the time to brood of this, it wasn’t like you could do anything about it. Could you even be mad at Jungkook? No, not when you were with Diego. 

Something about the situation made you grit your teeth as you pushed the door to your dressing room open. Why were you so powerless in a situation like this? You had never seen Jungkook let himself be powerless either. 

Pausing you glanced at the ground as people rushed past you, the night on stage still very much alive and even busier than you had ever seen before. If Jungkook was too scared to speak up or if he was worried for you, then you’d do it for him. You nodded affirming to yourself.

Whatever the Friar’s were up too....You weren’t just going to sit still and watch your friends get bullied by them. The idea made your lips twitch and your fist coil in anger, why the fuck was nobody saying anything to them!? 

Closing your eyes briefly you let your shoulders relax as you began to walk. It’s okay, they have all been there to help you on your feet. Now you’d stand beside them and defend them just as they have you. You didn’t know who these people were but you were going to find out. 

Walking out of the back and into the large lounge your eyes scoped Diego who seemed to be talking to two other men...He hadn’t introduced you so they must have been work related contacts. 

Walking over you gave a bright smile as Diego’s eyes landed on you, pausing conversation with the two men as he waved you over, “Finished up doll?” You nodded, feigning innocence to the two men’s stares that leered on you as Diego squeezed your chin, “Good. Tell you what baby, how about you head up to my room? I’ll catch up with you soon, I just have some business to take care of.” 

You felt an odd shiver down your spine at his words. Business? At three in the morning? You still gave a smile as you nodded, “Of course! I’ll see you soon then.” You winked as you took the passcard from his hand, a charming expression on your face as you nodded to the two men before turning around. 

You didn’t like this one bit. You glanced around in hopes of finding a familiar face but everyone seemed foreign to your eyes. Sighing, you shook your head a little, glancing down at the passcard to Diego’s room, number listed on it as you headed for the elevator.

Staying still you intended to enter the elevator only for your eyes to widen at the heated sight as the doors slid open, the familiar head of hair sucking harshly on skin as the woman moaned, Seokjin suddenly straightened up at the sight of you as he coughed harshly. 

The girl jumped before turning around as she gave a sheepish smile before glancing up at him with pink cheeks, “Thanks for seeing me down, i’ll see you later.” She winked as she stepped out of the elevator just as you stepped in. 

It was quiet for a moment as you and Seokjin awkwardly stood there, “I uh-”

“It’s cool.” You immediately cut him off as you both glanced at each other, unable to keep the awkward tense though as you both let out a small laugh, “She seemed happy.” 

“I’d hope so,” Seokjin scoffed, not going into detail but you could tell they obviously had just finished sleeping together, if Seokjin’s sweat drenched and messy hair was anything to go by, his eyes glancing up at the number that ticked up in the elevator, “I’m assuming you’re headed for Diego’s?” 

You gave a small nod before sighing, “Yeah...he had ‘business’ to take care of so he’s meeting me later…” You parted your lips for a moment before closing them once more, glancing up at Seokjin’s figure before asking, “...Seokjin…” Gaining his attention he glanced down at you as he raised his brows a little, “What’s going on here?” 

You watched his shoulders tense a little as he pressed his lips together, glancing away from you before letting his gaze flicker across the elevator as if searching for something, “...Sometimes...it’s better to be ignorant Y/n,” You frowned at his cryptic words, Seokjin’s gaze on you was like a heavy weight, as if they were drilling through your soul as he continued, “Don’t look for something you’ll regret finding out. I saw Jungkook earlier.” Your frown deepened at his abrupt change of topic. 

What was it that they knew that you didn’t? All you had heard were rumors thus far. It was obvious Seokjin and the others knew something was going on, so why weren’t they doing anything about it? Was it really easier to just turn a blind eye to whatever was happening? 

Deciding to drop the subject you held in a sigh as you glanced up at the numbers sliding above the door, “Yeah…?” You kept your tone neutral, not wanting to say you didn’t want to hear it, but on the other hand you were a little curious. 

“Yeah,” Seokjin clacked his tongue before snorting, “He didn’t look happy. Just kept staring at you on stage like a little puppy before Eva dragged him away.” You didn’t reply to his words for a moment. Were you surprised? No. Did it warm your heart?...Maybe a little...But still, you needed to play your cards carefully. The last thing you needed was Eva catching wind of your relation to Jungkook outside of being his trainee. 

“Well he’s just going to have to deal with it.” You replied, not intending to come off as cold as you did making Seokjin turn to face you, his brows raised in somewhat surprise making you sighed as your expression softened a little, “What can I do about it Seokjin? What’s the point in talking about it? It just…” You inhaled sharply before letting it out, “It’s already upsetting, why even talk about it?” 

You hadn’t even meant to project onto him, but you couldn’t help it, the early morning of what had happened with Jungkook was still fresh in your mind, what did he want from you? To say it was okay? That it would all be okay? It wasn’t okay! None of this was okay!

Seokjin frowned a little, his own expression softening a little as he nodded solemnly, “I can understand to a degree. But you can’t ignore him forever. What are you gonna do when all of this is over? Pretend like it never happened?” 

Glaring down at the floor you didn’t reply for a moment before answering, “I don’t know. And I’m not gonna think about it right now. I have a lot more on my plate to focus on.” The doors slid open with a ding as you glanced ahead. Seokjin frowned at your words, wanting to respond but not having the time as you turned to give him a small smile, “Good luck Seokjin, I’ll see you later.” 

Walking out of the elevator you kept a clear head as you walked down the eerily silent hallway, the elevator closed behind you leaving you all by yourself, the corridor was long and if you had gotten too close to a door you could hear soft moans from inside. 

Stepping back to keep in center only to jolt at the sound of a loud crash and a muffled scream, “Be quiet you bitch!” Adrenaline shot through your veins at the muffled snarl of a man at the you were about to pass, “I’ll be back soon and you better be fucking prepared to perform again.” 

You scrambled away from the door, heart pounding in your chest as the door ripped open, the sounds of sobs inside before the door slammed shut. 

Footsteps stomped down the hallway until they could no longer be heard, when you heard the distinct sound of the elevator you timidly turned around...Should you…? Of course you should! Whatever had happened, it didn’t sound good. Nodding to yourself you swallowed thickly as you  walked back to the door as you frowned. The sobbing was still muffled but could be heard inside and it was enough to break your heart...It wasn’t your business but…

You gently knocked on the door, no response sounding, just tears. Gently you opened the door, timidly gazing inside only to feel your heart crumble at the familiar sight. 

Chan Hee. 

Naked yet curled up, not on the bed, but on the ground against it with her knees curled to her chest and tears streaming down her face, an ugly welt on her cheek as her body trembled. Fumbling you closed the door behind you as you rushed up to her figure that seemed so small in comparison to any other time you’ve seen her.

Chan Hee, was the image of confidence, of not caring whether people saw her as bitchy or conceited. To see her so weak, so vulnerable, it crushed you more than you ever thought it would, “Chan Hee?” You weakly called out as you kneeled down, grabbing the throw blanket off the bed as she whimpered, her arms squeezing tightly around her knees, “Y-you should go.” She stammered, tears streaking down her cheeks as you wrapped the blanket around her body, “H-he’ll b-be back soon…” 

“I’m not leaving you here by yourself.” You gritted your teeth, brows pinching together in anger as she sniffled, yes you may not have been on the best terms with her but you’d never turn your back to someone in need  and right now she needed someone, “For all the differences we might have I would never leave you or anyone else here.”

Her fists coiled around the blanket as she lowered her gaze, trembling as tears dripped down her cheeks, standing up you gathered her clothes that were scattered across the floor before sitting down next to her, “Nobody fucking told me it would be a whore house here.” She sniffed as she gritted her teeth, wiping her eyes once more with trembling hands. 

“I was told…” You murmured as you glanced at the floor, Chan Hee glancing at you as she rubbed her eyes, “But I just didn’t listen, didn’t even think about it.” You gave a hurmorless smile at the floor before it dropped, silently berating yourself on how ignorant you chose to be despite the many times Jungkook warned you, “I was so naive and dumb, it didn’t even register in my brain until this morning.

It was quiet for a moment as you both sat in silence before you shuffled, “C’mon, let’s get you dressed. I’d rather not be here when he comes back.” Chan Hee shakily sat herself on the bed, surprisingly letting you help her get dressed.

Her legs were particularly twitchy, her eyes seemed glassy still and her gaze distant, “...I didn’t care at first,” She whispered under her breath, not looking at you as you pulled the top over her head, “...Sex is sex, it was just another tip under my belt...But after the first round...it was just too much,” Her eyes were beginning to water again as she scoffed despite her lips quivering, “...And even when I told him to stop he-” She inhaled, choking back a sob that made your own eyes water. 

Kneeling down in front of her you gently grabbed her hands, her gaze was down in her lap as fresh tears trickled down her cheeks, it was odd seeing Chan Hee seem so...ashamed, broken even, “Chan Hee, I know apologizing isn’t going to fix what happened, but I am sorry. It shouldn’t be like this, everything in Seasonella... Come on, where’s your room at? You shouldn’t be subjected to this anymore.” 

Chan Hee didn’t reject your movement as you helped her up, your pulse speeding up as you opened the door, timidly glancing around before walking up ahead to the other elevator, only praying you wouldn’t run into the man that did this, “Fifth floor, 32.” She murmured, her body trembling a little as you both got into the elevator. 

The strippers floor was quiet, almost all rooms vacant as everyone was out filling client rooms or dancing, you helped Chan Hee into her room as you set her on her bed, feeling a little lost until she weakly laid down, “I’ll be okay,” She murmured, curling up against her covers as she hugged her pillow, “...thank you.” Two words and yet they felt so hopeless and sad, you mustered a small smile as you nodded before reluctantly turning around. 

Your thoughts lingered on Chan Hee before flittering to Seokjin’s words, and then briefly they stayed on Jungkook. Sighing you pinched the bridge of your nose as you shook your head, pushing the cardkey into the slot before walking into the large room. 

What you didn’t expect was the room to be vacant. You had been gone at least twenty minutes and Diego still wasn’t here? You frowned as you warily stepped into the room, it at first appeared like a lodge of some sort, couches facing each other with a small kitchen at the back wall, up the two steps however was the large king size bed and a desk with a dresser nearby. Despite the room's large size, his main bedroom seemed almost small. 

Your eyes honed in on the messy desk, Seokjin’s words replaying in your mind before Chan Hee’s figure reminded you why you were here. Maybe they would pretend like everything was okay and bare it, but you weren’t. Not when stuff like this was happening. Carefully you glanced around the room before looking over your shoulder at the door as you walked up to the desk. 

Pushing through some of the paper you frowned as you picked up a document of sorts. 

Warehouse 15: Currently full 

Shipments will need to be made by the 22nd and deadlines for payments will be cut off by the 25th when the cargo has arrived, we’ll need to gain the last set of the cargo during the weekend of the 18th-

You jumped at the sound of the door closing, hurriedly dropping the document as you swiftly turned around. Diego’s figure was skewered by the corner of the wall, “You’re here.” You welcomed as you painted a smile on your face despite the back of your mind rampantly running at whatever you just read, warehouse 15? What was held in it that was full? And clients? Was this what Seasonella was about? Today was the 18th, the start of the weekend…

“Seems someone is eager to see me.” Diego sent you a wink as he pulled the jacket off as you felt your smile tense a little, he seemed tired as he loosened his tie. 

You slowly made your way down the two steps into the main lodge as you sat down on the couch, “Well it was getting a little lonely here...Did you take care of your business?” You asked carefully, keeping your eyes wide and doe like to appear innocent as you folded your hands into your lap. 

Diego chuckled a little, unbuttoning his waist coat as he sat down a little closer to you then you would’ve liked but you didn’t move away, “Yes, it’s all finished now. No need to worry about that doll, c’mere.” You squeaked a little at the way his hands grabbed onto your waist, pulling you to straddle his lap. 

It felt foreign as you had never slept with a client before and the only man you had slept with in months was...Jungkook...you felt somewhat nauseous thinking about him, thinking about what you were about to do, “You’ve got all my attention now,” Diego licked his lips as he pushed the hair from your face, your body tense as you resisted to pull away from his touch like you wanted. 

It wasn’t warm and tender like Jungkook’s, one that made you want to bury further into him. No, this felt somewhat condescending in a way, as if your hand was being twisted behind your back and his grip was lifeless of any sort of care or love, “Relax baby, you seem so tense.” Diego purred as his hands slid to your waist. 

You let the smile turn more charismatic as you giggled a little, shrugging as you forced your thoughts into the back of your head, “It’s just been a...long day...but incredible I mean…” You let your smile turn more coy, girlish as you tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, “I’m in Las Vegas, it’s a little overwhelming...I just can’t help but wonder, how did Seasonella begin Diego?” You tilted your head innocently as you let your hands press gently against his chest.

 “Curious are we?” He chuckled a little, a smirk coiling on his lips as you rolled your hips a little enticingly, the more you gave the more willing he’d be to speak on this, or so you hoped, “Seasonella was originally just an annual meeting held between my fathers men yearly,” His hands rested on your hips as you swayed them against his, letting them roll along the hardening bulge of his cock,, “It slowly began to grow into his men bringing other references, and those references bring theirs until it grew even more, eventually it became more like an open party to the right people to come and do business with us. It’s what made our wealth skyrocket.” 

You were having a difficult time relaxing as he leaned in against your neck, lips trailing along your neck as your breath catched a little as you focused everything onto his words. You’d need more than that to go on. You wiggled your hips a little more as you pulled away, letting your lips tug into a cute pout before letting them twist into a playful smile, “And that’s it? That’s how you started taking strippers from across the globe to attend?” 

Diego placed his hands on your hips as you gave them a little sway, pretending as if you totally hadn’t felt his obviously lacking hard on, “When the meeting starting becoming bigger and more akin to a party we started hiring on entertainment,” You could see the way Diego was becoming more pliable, more willing to spill whatever you wanted so you could hurry up, “Of course it ended up benefiting us in the end, we invest they give us girls. It works out.” 

What…? 

Diego, perhaps realizing how his words sounded didn’t give you a chance to question him further, you squeaked as he pushed you down onto the couch, climbing on top of you as you swallowed thickly, “But enough of that doll. I’m more interested in how tight that little cunt is.”  You jumped a little at his lips attaching to your neck, the sharp moan leaving you before you could stop it. 

Diego’s hands dragged their way down your waist as you squirmed beneath him, controlling your breaths as adrenaline shot through your veins. Just today  and tomorrow, that’s all you needed to get through. 

“Kookie, why have you been so quiet?” Eva turned to face him with a pouty frown, shifting the blanket to cover her plump perky breasts as she laid her head against her arms, observing the way Jungkook laid on his back, his expression dimmed and the frown harshly twisted on his lips. 

The door had just closed and her friend who had joined them in such an incredible night in bed had taken her leave. Jungkook didn’t reply for a moment, unsure of how to before he finally shrugged, sitting up as the blanket fell off his chest revealing the broad chiseled sight that was making her rub her thighs together all over again, “Eva can I be honest with you?”

It was a dumb question, because while he was sure she was going to say yes despite the likelihood that she’d accept his words was….rather slim.

Eva gave him a wide, excited smile, as if she thought for sure he was slowly beginning to open up to her. Sitting up eagerly, she clutched the sheets against her chest as she gave him a timid smile, “Of course you can Jungkook, I’ll never judge you.” Rather than make him smile though Jungkook’s brows only furthered as he sighed, running a hand through his damp hair, “What do you think we are, relationally speaking?” He wanted to cringe at the question, but it was something he had been thinking about. Eva had continuously gloated to her friends about her ‘boyfriend when Jungkook had made himself clear several times before that he was not her boyfriend.. 

Eva’s cheeks dusted a light pink as she glanced coyly at the blankets, “Well...I thought I made my point Kook. If it weren’t for my studies I’d be in Korea...with you...I like you....a lot...I have since we met last year.” 

Jungkook didn’t mean to let the groan escape him but it was too late, Eva had stiffened somewhat as she glanced at him carefully awaiting his response, “Eva….” His words didn’t sound promising he knew it, but Jungkook wanted to make himself very clear, “You do understand that I’m only here because I have to be here? Right? You’re a nice girl but…” Should he bring you into this conversation? No...he’ll need to make it discreet, “I’ve met someone...Someone I really love...” 

Jungkook felt somewhat timid meeting her gaze, it was worse than he had hoped for truthfully. Eva was as stiff as a board and her gaze was darkening by the second before she gave a loud scoff that came out as if she was trying to force it into a laugh, her smile sharper than usual as she replied, “Love…? Maybe it’s just me but if you really loved someone, you wouldn’t be working as a stripper and sleeping with people behind her back.”

Jungkook had parted his lips to object but quickly snapped them shut, remembering he had told himself he was leaving you out of this. He couldn’t help but feel guilty though, did he really love you if he was doing this? He could feel it eating him alive inside as she gave him a snide smile, “Yeah, that’s what I thought. I get it Jungkook I do, we’ve been apart a year, but just give it a shot!” 

Eva ignored the way his body tensed as she climbed into his lap, cupping his face as her smile softened a little, “I think we could really work Jungkook...besides...you know I can offer you anything she could and even more,” Jungkook’s jaw clenched against her grip and he refused to meet her eyes, “And you know it, I’ll take care of you, provide for you, my family will keep you safe from KOI and I know how much of a strangle hold they’ve had on you before.” 

Letting her forehead rest against his she leaned in, his lips were so soft and addictive. Eva only felt them for a few seconds before she was pushed away, her lips even parted in somewhat offense at the aggressive and cold glare he gave her, “I’ll sleep with you all you want, I’ll play boyfriend while I’m here, I’ll let you have your fun with your friends,” She whined a little as he shoved her against the bed climbing on top of her, “But don’t you ever fucking kiss me like you’re actually apart of my life. You know nothing about me or who I am and it’s going to be kept this way.”

Jungkook roughly rolled her onto her stomach as he growled, “Now I’m gonna spank this ass until it’s bruised and you’re gonna count you disobedient bitch.” He didn’t even wait for her to speak, she was already moaning and whining as his hand slammed against the delicate pale skin of her ass. Jungkook didn’t care how much she knew about him or how much she could dangle his past over his head, there would always be few things off limits and this was one of them. 

…

It was morning, you knew it was. Light streamed through the windows and it looked like a beautiful day outside, blue sky with billowing white clouds. If you were back home in Korea you would’ve begged Jungkook to take you to the market where you’d go to look for plants and succulents to add to your collection. 

But you weren’t home. No. You were in Diego Friar’s bed with thighs that ached and like they were on fire with your stomach churning for the past thirty minutes. He had left a while ago saying he had work to take care of and that he’d meet you in the cafe for breakfast. That was okay, you didn’t want him to stay anyways. You felt gross, every inch of your body felt disgusting and you knew a shower wouldn’t be enough to make you feel better. 

Trying to ignore the dull throb of your stomach you sat up feeling somewhat numb as you carefully dressed yourself. Glancing at Diego’s desk you deflated even more, all the paper that had been thrown across was gathered and most likely taken by him this morning. Standing up you winced as you forced yourself to walk. You weren’t going to break down...you weren’t going to break down crying…

No matter how much you repeated it in your head you still felt tears glossing in your eyes as you punched the bottom floor button, the elevator was making your stomach feel even worse as you groaned silently, the elevator was too small and there were too many people here. 

As soon as the doors slid open you pushed your way out, the churn of your stomach becoming too much and you needed to find a bathroom, fast, “Oh hey Y/n-” Jimin’s eyes widened a little as you shoved past him and into the bathroom. 

Unable to even lock the stall door as you lurched down onto your knees, the sour taste of alcohol and last night's meal coming up as you coughed rancidly, spitting out bile as tears trickled down your cheeks from the force of your cough as you began to dry heave up any last bits. 

Sitting down against the toilet you couldn’t help but let the tears trickle down your face as you let out a sob. God you felt disgusting, would Jungkook even want to be with you today after knowing...After seeing? Your hands trembled as you sobbed into them. Sniffling harshly as you forced yourself up to stand, flushing away the reminder of what had happened before wobbling out to the sink to fix yourself up. 

Your eyes still looked bloodshot but it wasn’t notable as long as someone didn’t stare for long, you rinsed your mouth out with the sink water, gurgling a few times as you gagged while spitting it out, the raw burn of your throat a reminder of what had just happened. 

Opening the door you jumped a little to see the sight of Jimin leaning against the wall with one foot, arms crossed as his eyes landed on you, a frown quirking onto his lips as he sighed, “...You...look like you’ve seen better days.” He picked his words carefully, “You good?” 

You closed your eyes briefly, trying to ignore the churn of your stomach already despite having just thrown up, “As well as I can be, I just...Sorry I didn’t mean to push you, I just uh...threw up.” You gave a weak smile as Jimin examined your figure, “Sorry. It’s just been a long night.” 

He nodded understandingly, “Well I’m sure your body is already going through a lot as it is, you should really lay down and rest.” You sighed at his words, glancing away from him as you rubbed your forehead. 

“I told Diego i’d be at breakfast in the cafe....What are you doing here?” You pressed your brows together as you tilted your head, why was Jimin here anyways? You had been in too much of a rush to think much of it before.

Jimin snorted, “I was going to breakfast but after you rushed past me I figured I’d stay behind to check on you. Like I said, you look like you’ve seen better days. Who cares about Diego? I’m sure he won’t be hurt if you skip.” 

“...Well yeah but…” You trailed off with a frown causing Jimin to peer at you somewhat confused as you sighed, stepping closer to him as you lowered your voice, “...You’re the only one I’m going to tell but...Something is going on here Jimin,” You glanced up at him, your gaze serious and even boarding harsh as you continued, “And I’m going to find out what it is and stop it.” 

Jimin’s gaze hardened a little as he frowned, “Y/n…” He shook his head a little in disdain as you scoffed while stepping away from him. Why was it everyone was so fucking scared? This wasn’t right! Whatever it was! “These people are dangerous...Be careful. I need to go get breakfast for myself and Rosé but...just be careful okay? There’s a reason a lot of us just leave it alone.” His gaze was a silent warning as you nodded reservedly before you let Jimin walk past you. 

Sighing you pinched the bridge of your nose. Why must everything be so secretive?

Breakfast hour was always Jungkook’s favorite part of Seasonella, free food and he could officially go and sleep off the ache of his body for the rest of the day before rinse repeat in this scenario. It was normal to eat with said client and no matter how annoying it was Jungkook would tolerate it when you were just in eyesight. 

No matter how much it pissed him off. You wouldn’t meet his gaze and he knew exactly why, your neck was shamelessly covered in hickies and there was a slight limp in your walk when you showed up, oddly by yourself and it for a moment made every sense in his body tell him to go sit with you and coddle you.

 It was like his conversation with Eva the night before hadn’t even existed, either she was truly dense or she was cooking something up. 

Jungkook didn’t like the way she smiled and laughed with all of her friends, some passing jokes to each other in hopes of maybe buttering him up about how good he was in bed to get one more round in before he’d call it quits. But no amount of jokes or compliments were getting him to budge. He had managed a few smiles and jokes as well but nothing more than playful banter. 

He kept his gaze towards you minimally, but he felt somewhat useless when his gaze met yours, had you been looking at him too? 

Jungkook could feel his outer charming mask begin to crumble at the way your lips quivered and your eyes shooting back down to your untouched food. The sudden need to touch you, to hold you filling his veins. His fingers began to thrum against the table in impatience before he checked his phone, he couldn’t wait, it was nearly killing him.

Jungkook swallowed thickly at how sharp and dry your words over text were, were you actually okay. You hadn’t looked at him once when you got up from the table, your food untouched as you left. He could only sigh and endure the rest of breakfast until he was finally free of Eva’s claws the rest of the day. 

Jungkook’s body was objecting to every sluggish step he took back to his room, it had been awhile since he actually pulled an all nighter, well into the morning hours without any sleep whatsoever. Rubbing his eyes he yawned as he opened the door, quietly closing it as he felt his once tense muscles relaxed at the familiar sight. 

You were curled up against the bed, the large hoody- his as a matter of fact, drowning your body and the hood pulled over your head while you buried in the large pillows. Jungkook felt his lips curve a little into a soft smile as he changed out of his sticky previously sweat stained clothes, feeling relieved to just be comfortable once more as he drew the large thick currents over the window to darken the room before he sat down on the bed. His hand gently stroking your waist. 

What he hadn’t expected was the violent jolt from you before jerking away making him frown. Jungkook had anticipated you wanting his touch after such an...intense night but, maybe he was wrong... His jaw clenched slightly at the way your body tensed and didn’t seem to relax at the realization he was in bed with you. He didn’t even want to think about what you went through last night. 

Not wanting to push your comfort zone Jungkook sighed as he laid down on his side of the bed, your back was turned to him and you hadn’t even greeted him yet. Oh well, words didn’t need to be spoken. Jungkook could only let his gaze longingly stare against your figure that was curled away from him. God he just wanted to hold you, now he couldn’t even do that. 

....

Your mind felt fuzzy, that kind of drowsiness you wake up with when you decide to take a nap at an odd hour and when you wake up you don’t know what time it is and if it’s day or night. You groaned as you rolled over, your muscles gripping at the sight of an empty bed. Where did Jungkook go? 

You were aware you hadn’t been...the kindest...but maybe you were just still reeling from last night. That didn’t mean you didn’t want to see him though...You felt yourself relax at the sight of Jungkook appearing from the bathroom, his lips quirking up a little at the sight of your half awake figure. 

“I have a bath running, we need to get you cleaned up.” Jungkook sat down on the side of the bed as he let his hand stroke through your hair, your body flinched a little at the contact, your poor scalp was still sore from how much Diego had pulled on your hair. Jungkook frowned before tenderly letting his fingers run along your scalp. 

“Thanks.” You replied dryly, a tiny bit of humor detected in your tone while letting your lips tug into a tiny smile, it was hard to keep a straight face when you were around Jungkook, even like this. It was something Jungkook seemed to return so easily, his fingers sliding down to your cheek to gently stroke along it. 

“That’s not what I meant,” He clacked his tongue, trying to give you a scolding look but failing as his lips twisted into a smile, “C’mere,” Jungkook internally sighed, his heart broke for you, he could see how much you were struggling to not instinctively push him away as your body tensed and flinched as he picked you up. You really were trying your best to relax in his grip as he carried you to the bathroom, “It’s not about you being dirty, it’s about me not wanting you to get an infection.” 

Jungkook already had a fresh set of clothes folded neatly on the closed toilet seat as he set you on the counter, tugging off the sweatshirt that covered your body as he sighed. His lips unable to stay smiling as they twisted into a sad frown at the hickies your body sported and bruises on your hips in the shape of fingers.

 “I get it. It was a lot,” He mumbled as he pulled out a hairbrush from his bag that laid on the ground, gently untangling your hair as he refused to meet your gaze, “But I’d never hurt you baby. You know that right? I don’t want you to ever think I’d make you do something you don’t want too. I don’t want to know what happened last night, but I’ll never treat you the way he did.” 

Your shoulders kept tensing and relaxing over and over again as Jungkook finished brushing your hair, finally glancing down at you as he sighed, tears were beginning to streak down your face as you closed your eyes, “I feel so fucking gross.” You finally relented, your hands shaking as you pressed them into your eyes, “I...I...Jungkook...I feel so disgusting.” 

And you did, you felt ruined. Like you didn’t deserve to even be in the same room as Jungkook at the moment. Why would he even want you now? After...after last night...Jungkook hushed you gently as he wrapped his arms around you tenderly pressing a kiss against your head, his heart lurching and it hurt with every beat at the tears you cried, “Shhh, it’ll be okay baby. Just tonight and we’re done. Shhh, don’t cry baby.” 

For the first time you had craved his warmth all over again, letting his arms tighten around you as he cradled you close, peppering kisses against your hair before eventually coaxing you into the nice warm tub. 

It felt normal, as if you weren’t at Seasonella or like Diego and Eva never happened. It was just you and Jungkook, his arms still loosely wrapped around you, his fingers dancing along your skin beneath the water soothingly and his lips occasionally pecking softly against the hickies. As if to make them feel better, as if to make them his even if they weren’t. 

After a hefty amount of coaxing Jungkook had finally gotten you to give in, your fists clenched as you sucked in a sharp breath, “What happens in this bathtub, stays in this bathtub by the way.” You heard him chuckle as you whined, pressing your forehead against the cold tile of the wall, “Do I need stitches? It feels like I do.”

Jungkook sighed as if him staring at your asshole with cheeks spread open was something he did everyday, “No you don’t need stitches. There’s some blood, yeah but that’s just because he didn’t properly prep you. Poor baby.” He let go of your cheeks before letting his hand gently rub against the bruised surface, “I’ll clean it up, outside of it hurting there’s nothing actually wrong. Luckily we can get you some medicine for that.” 

You winced as he spread them back open. You never in your life, thought you’d be in a bathtub with your asscheeks spread just so Jungkook could clean you up. You thought you had gotten past any sort of embarrassment you’d ever feel around Jungkook yet it seemed like he lived to prove you wrong. You sucked in another breath as you felt the soft warm bath cloth rub against the aching puckered ring. 

“There, all better.” Jungkook set the bathcloth down before tenderly grabbing your waist, guiding you to sit back down in the nice soothingly hot water as he pressed another kiss against your neck, “Can’t believe he’d actually do that to you.” He gritted his teeth as he muttered under his breath.

You shifted a little, nibbling against your lip, you knew that wasn’t his invitation to getting you to talk about it but… “It was dark….I doubt he realized it was blood…” You mumbled, you could feel his skin tense beneath you as he huffed. 

“If there was blood involved you can’t tell me you weren’t crying.” Jungkook tried to keep his voice a steady note but he could feel his anger beginning to rise, just the idea made him sick to his stomach. 

You didn’t have the heart to mention he was right, you had cried while mumbling your safeword a fair amount of times when anal got involved, maybe if you had just said something he’d....But did you even want his comfort though? No, you gritted your teeth and dealt with it because you wanted that disgusting human being away from you as soon as he blew his load. 

Jungkook pulled you out of the water, wrapping a warm fluffy towel around you as he carefully dried you off, saying no more on the subject as it was clear neither of you really wanted to talk about it. No, you just wanted to enjoy what time you could with him.

Pulling on the fresh pair of panties and Jungkook helped you tug on the comfy gym shorts before pulling the nice warm sweatshirt over your head, it smelt like him, your favorite smell. 

Sitting down in bed you patiently waited for Jungkook as he typed in the password on your laptop, intending to put something on for you both to watch as he set in on the bed, a knock on the door making you both alert.

You glanced at Jungkook in confusion as he gave you a weak smile, “I know you said you weren’t hungry but baby...you need to eat something.” You frowned a little as you tugged on a strand of hair. Opening the door he pulled out his wallet, paying for the food before closing the door behind him. Taking a seat on the bed as he opened up the takeout boxes, you wouldn’t deny the glee that entered your body at the sight of Chow Mein and Shrimp. 

One bite into your food though immediately made your stomach lurch, your hand squeezing against the wooden chopsticks as you forced yourself to swallow. Jungkook was right, you needed to eat something. It didn’t matter how tasty it was though, it made you sick to your stomach the more you ate. 

One more bite and you had to put down your chopsticks, Jungkook frowned as he noticed your hand covering your mouth, “Hey, you okay baby?” He couldn’t even finish his words before you were already scrambling off the bed at your stomach lurching and your throat constricting. You barely made it to the toilet before you were already throwing up what little you had eaten, dry heaving despite nothing coming up.

You couldn’t stand when people tried to comfort you when you were throwing up and Jungkook got a good taste of that when he attempted the first time he witnessed you hungover. Your vision was blurred with tears as you spat up the vile taste that lingered in your mouth, after a few moments Jungkook entered the bathroom as you wiped your mouth with toilet paper, tossing it carelessly in before weakly pulling the handle. 

Your body trembled as he sighed, pressing a kiss on top of your head, “You good?” He sat down as he wrapped his arms loosely around you. 

“Y-yeah, I just haven’t been able to keep anything down.” Your body trembled once more as you curled against him, letting him pick you up before delicately carrying you back to bed. 

Leaned against him you weakly curled up as you sighed, your head was beginning to throb once more and your stomach ached with a lingering aftertaste of vomit, god you felt so weak and Chow Mein was not as good as you remembered it tasting. Closing your eyes once more you relaxed on top of Jungkook’s laid out figure, his hand tenderly stroking your back as you nudged into his neck. You’d be happy when all of this was over.

Note: I got way too impatient and just decided to post this chapter a few hours early, not that y’all are complaining 😂 Let me know what you guys think about everything going on! It’s a lot to take in! 🖤

(Taglist: Due to a bug on my blog nobody will receive notifications from my taglist so I’ve decided to skip it this update, should things return to normal on my blog the taglist will resume!)

#bts #jeon jungkook #jungkook #jungkook x reader #jungkook x reader smut #jungkook x y/n #jungkook imagine #jungkook smut #jungkook au #bts au

[katierosefun]

well, here we are! june basically flew by and it was a little rough, but we’re back with some long recs on cool things i’ve read/listened to/watched, and i’m about to force everyone to sit down and listen to my sleepover-esque ted talk in which i give unwarranted and unasked for rec lists. so here we go!

kdrama:

while you were sleeping

okay, so i tried to watch this kdrama when it came out in like...2017, i think? but for some reason, i wasn’t able to get past the first episode. i don’t really know why? because it’s so beautifully shot, and i super love the premise, which is basically this girl and this guy are somehow able to see things that are going to happen in the future...but only in their dreams. this whole kdrama really handled the plot super well--each episode honestly felt like a movie in itself, and the filming was just stunning, and i think this has to be one of the most visual kdramas i’ve ever seen. each character is also super interesting and complex on their own, and i really loved seeing such a strong cast of characters interact with each other in this world. 

i think the only slight downside of this kdrama was that i couldn’t really get invested in the romance? i’m not quite sure why--i found both lead actors’ performances wonderful, and don’t get me wrong, i did think they were cute together as the drama went on, but i still couldn’t find myself buying into the romance until maybe relatively late in the drama (like...ep 11 or so? ep 16 was honestly when i realized that awww, wait, they’re actually super cute). but then again, i feel like the writers weren’t really prioritizing the romance either--i think they really wanted us to think about the beauty of dreams and redemption and how everyone can touch another person’s life in some significant way, so i can’t really be mad about it!

but anyways, overall i really enjoyed this kdrama and watched it all a lot faster than i thought i would! SOLID music, beautiful cinematography, good acting, mostly good writing, and some really memorable characters! def. a must-watch if you love suspense, aesthetics, and some wonderful characters.

the ghost detective

i’m someone who doesn’t like horror or scary things at all, but i was so intrigued by the plot and whatever material i saw on tumblr, and...of course, choi daniel, lee joo young, lee ji ah, and park eun bin. honestly, this is just a really wonderful and really underrated cast, and they really all brought out their a-game for this 32-episode supernatural / thriller / horror drama. basically, this kdrama follows the story of a young woman who’s trying to figure out who murdered her younger sister...and of course, there’s something supernatural going on. 

honestly, this kdrama was such a ride. i loved the crime-solving aspect of it, and i was really in love with the interactions between all the characters, esp. that of eun bin and daniel’s characters. (guys...they’re so ride and die for each other. there’s also so much yearning. so much yearning in this kdrama, it just about killed me--) 

the villain was absolutely, appropriately, elegantly creepy, and like...scary beyond belief. basically, the villain (lee ji ah’s character) feeds her victims these harmful thoughts and ultimately get them to kill themselves. it’s sad and haunting, especially when you see that the victims tell their victims “don’t listen to the bad things. try only to listen to the good things”. and...yeah. themes of how to handle all of these bad feelings inside of you really came through in this kdrama, and there were a lot of themes of suicide and the kind of rage and sadness that comes with that. (also! if you’re a fan of lots of angsty/whumpy situations....this kdrama definitely does not hold back with all of your fave whump/angst tropes! literally! every! episode! i! had! to! lie! down! because! too! powerful!)

school 2013 

(aww, look at this precious cast…as though they didn’t all make me ugly cry at least five times—)

yeah, yeah, yeah, i’ve talked about this kdrama ad nauseum, and i know i watched it last month, but as i was studying for the lsat, i really, really, really needed some comfort. most notably comfort re: studying life, academics, how difficult it is to study but also be uncertain of your dreams…and if you are certain of your dreams, how that sometimes requires studying but that just makes life all the more overwhelming…can you tell i’ve been thinking about this a lot

i’m not going to ramble more about this kdrama considering i already have done so multiple times, but i enjoyed this rewatch and honestly,,,my love for this show has just grown even more. there’s a good reason why people consider this a comfort kdrama, because. i consider myself deeply comforted. also, i’ve been listening to the ost for the whole month. it’s become a problem. but sometimes. sometimes you need to listen to songs that feel like someone’s patting you on the head and telling you don’t give up, set down your burdens, don’t think you’re alone and dream whatever you want to dream, go wherever you want to go. i’ll stop talking now, but god. when i say that i think everyone who has ever felt incredibly tired by work or school and just wished for someone to give them a big hug either then or now...god. this is just one of those kdramas that i think honestly touched so many people’s lives, and i’m very grateful for the cast and crew and writers for ever bringing this story to life. :’) (god, okay, now i’ll stop talking before i make myself cry i’m fine this is fine)

your honor

so, i watched this kdrama thinking that it would be light and funny given that yoon shi yoon is the main male lead, but boy was i wrong--don’t be fooled by these happy little faces, this kdrama is heavy. this kdrama is about a young man (with a criminal record) who winds up impersonating his twin brother, who happens to be a judge. we also have a trainee who, after seeing the legal system fail her older sister, is on the rise to dispense justice through the courts the best she can.

honestly, the first few episodes were rough, mostly because of the content. big trigger warning for rape, violence, and sexual harassment at work. this kdrama really didn’t hold back when it came to addressing how the very people who use the law can also be the very same people who manipulate and abuse it. because of that, i found this kdrama incredibly powerful. that said, it certainly had its lighthearted moments too. 

overall though, i liked this kdrama. the main characters were incredibly complex and genuinely the type to make me believe that for all the injustices in the world, there are still and always will be people fighting for the right thing. as someone who wants to enter the legal field, this kdrama was just uplifting. i was so blown away by the absolute rawness of the main two leads, esp. yoon shi yoon, who i’ve only ever seen in super lighthearted kdramas. so this was a really interesting change of pace, and i genuinely enjoyed watching this!

waiting for love

so this kdrama is just two episodes, and what’s better is that it’s available on youtube! it’s about two college students--a young woman who’s been hurt by falling in love with jerks now just wants to date, not really fall in love...and a young man who’s excellent at giving dating advice except he’s afraid that he’s never going to actually fall in love, so he just dates a girl for the sake of dating.

now, i kinda thought that this show was going to be kinda lighthearted, a little shallow--but it was weirdly...comforting? idk, i found myself liking it a lot more than i thought it would be. this is far from the perfect kdrama, and i kinda wished that we got more than 2 episodes because i think some of the plot points could have been better expanded, but...there were genuinely a lot of scenes that made me think a bit more about what it actually means to be in a loving relationship--like how it’s not enough to just put on a happy smile and eat meals together, but like...you know. there has to be trust and actual liking and also, yeah, maybe a bit of frustration in order to actually know whether a relationship is real or not. and given that the characters were all discussing the pressure on getting married and romance esp. when you’re in your twenties...idk. makes you think about are you dating someone for the sake of appearances? or do you genuinely...like them?

there was also quite a few tropes that i personally adore in this kdrama, which helped balance out the stuff i found more tiring. there was a lot of the “right person, wrong time” stuff going on (you really want the two main leads to get together after a certain point, and you just keep holding your breath whenever they walk past each other and beg please please please let it be this time...), and also that good old “two strangers fall in love with each other purely over writing to each other” (god. first the half of it, then me & au, then greenhouse podcast...something about this trope huh). that said, there were def. some parts that made me “:////” because some of the characters were kind of frustrating, but i’m gonna chalk that up to good writing since i think i was mostly mad about how i knew people like some of the characters lol. overall, i think this might be at least semi-enjoyable--it’s probably not something i’ll watch again, but it def. made me mull over what it means to actually be in a loving relationship, esp. if you’re in your twenties and everyone around you seems to be in happy romantic relationships/getting engaged and whatnot. 

movie: 

columbus 

i’m a firm believer that there are some movies that are meant to cheer you up, some movies meant to make you cry, and then there’s some movies that are just meant to...sit with you. and this movie is definitely one of them. this story follows casey, a high school graduate, and jin, the son of a famous architect. the two of them are both so incredibly exhausted with their lives (casey with her constant worry about her mother, who’s a recovering drug addict; jin with his surface-level lack of concern for his comatose father). in their small town of columbus, indiana, the two of them bond over architecture and just. being quietly there for each other.

this movie’s been compared a few times to lost in translation in the sense that there’s this not quite romance between the two leads, who have a bit of an age gap (john cho and haley lu richardson have about 20 between them!). to be honest, i didn’t really get the sense that there was supposed to be a romance. if anything, it just felt like...two really lonely people finding each other. definitely not a simple friendship--definitely not a familial kind of relationship, definitely intimate. 

idk. i think this movie might not be for everyone--i definitely agree with a lot of past reviewers that this movie is on the slower side. there’s some stuff here about complicated relationships with parents, a lot of cool architecture, really beautiful shots...and overall, it’s just...quiet. it’s lovely, and i can’t really stop thinking about it. it’s subtle, bittersweet, and oddly compelling. might not be the kind of thing you’d want to watch in the middle of the day, but if you’re a little sad and in the mood for something not to necessarily lift your spirits but...at least acknowledge them and sit with you, then...this is the movie to watch. idk. i felt kind of crummy the day i watched this movie, and i felt as though someone just sat next to me on a park bench until the sun went down. (mayhaps specific but hush, i’m writing this right after finishing this movie, so i’m...feeling a certain way.)

wish dragon 

i watched this movie right after watching columbus because a) decided i was in the mood for something lighter, and b) i learned that john cho?? voiced?? the dragon?? (caroline your crush on john cho’s jumping out this month...) 

but anyways! i loved this movie a lot. it was so satisfying? like, just narratively speaking? and the animation was wonderful and also weirdly smooth and satisfying, and there were a lot of funny and touching moments. this movie’s about this young man named din who stumbles upon a magical teapot that holds the wish dragon long--long has to grant din three wishes, and yes, i know, very aladdin, but that said, this movie has so many original twists that it feels weird to call it an aladdin retelling. it really did feel like a movie completely on its own, which i applaud the writer and director for! 

i don’t want to spoil too much of this movie, but something i really enjoyed was that din’s main wish is just to see his old childhood friend again. idk, i think we all have that one friend from when we were really little that we miss--and this movie really dug into that, as well as themes about parents wanting to do the best they can to provide for their kids, and!!! and long the dragon gets his own storyline and amazing character development too!!! i was honestly just amazed at how this movie fleshed out the characters so well and had so many wonderful themes that just made me tear up. guys. this movie’s great. highly recommend for its wonderful characters and the power of friendship. just a grand old time in general. :’))

searching 

yeah...yeah, i wasn’t kidding about my crush on john cho this month. yes, i watched three of his movies within 24 hours. this movie is about david kim who’s looking for his missing 16 year old daughter, margot. this film is honestly noteworthy for many reasons, one of them being that the entire movie is told through like...a laptop screen, as in we kind of follow david’s frantic search through facetime, facebook, tumblr...which i honestly didn’t think i’d be into, but whoo boy, i was wrong. it just added to the whole addictive quality of this movie, as it usually does when it comes to anything from the thriller genre. 

but besides this just being a straight up addictive thriller with absolutely mouth-dropping twists (but like...good twists, and smart twists, good god--), this movie was just...touching? there’s so many themes related to what grief does to a family (because we learn within the first 10 minutes that the mom died due to cancer), and there’s just...something really fragile about relationships between surviving family members. i was absolutely blown away by john cho’s performance as a tentative and grieving widower whose world just absolutely falls apart in his search for his daughter. this movie was just so...real because of that. like, yes, this movie has all of the suspense that you would expect this kind of movie to have, but there was also just...so many beautiful themes about grief and how far parents would go for their kids and godddd yeah no i started sobbing when the movie ended. god. 

also, my bias towards john cho aside, i...really loved his character. david kim is absolutely believable, and like? he’s not just the guy putting the pieces together--he’s also the guy who misses his wife and also the guy who wishes that he was there for his daughter. he’s also the guy who pauses and re-writes all his text messages because he’s trying to be a good dad. i feel like with a lot of these suspense / missing person movies, it’s really easy to have characters who are just the stoic alpha male types--and david kim definitely had his badass moments in this movie, but like...something i just loved was seeing the vulnerability that comes with...having a missing child. being a parent. god. this movie messed me up but in a good way. i can honestly say that this movie is now probably going to be one of my fave movies of all time. highly recommend, am literally obsessed with it.

book:

the seven husbands of evelyn hugo by taylor jenkins reid

ohohoho………where to begin with this book. this was one of those books where i was like “huh i kinda don’t understand why people are so obsessed with this book”, but then i hit like...page 20 or 30 and was like “oh god i Literally Cannot Put This Book Down Oh No” and wound up finishing it in like three days (mind you, i only read at like...midnight these days. i don’t understand why either). 

i finished this book at like 2 am and promptly burst into tears because this was just one of those books. it follows the story of evelyn hugo, a famous hollywood actress from the 60s or so and onwards. known for her intense beauty and her seven husbands, she’s now giving an exclusive interview to the young reporter monique grant, where she’s about to tell all about her life. this book had me dropping my mouth multiple times, and i think tjr can spin one hell of a story, with so many good twists and turns and intensely memorable characters. by the end of the book, i was actually mad that evelyn hugo wasn’t a real person, because i, too, fell a little in love with her and thought, i want to actually watch her movies. i want to learn even more about this remarkable woman. 

but alas! she’s not real, so i don’t get to see her accept an oscar or look up all the tabloids about her and her seven husbands or her speculated (and very, very, very real) relationship with celia st. john. basically...i just loved this book. the last line made me smile and laugh and cry a little bit (actually...cry a lot), and y’know...i’ll admit it’s not totally perfect, but i’m glad this book exists, and i’m glad that even though tjr isn’t bi herself, was very adamant in this book about bisexuality being real. just. like. god. once again. mad that evelyn hugo isn’t real. it’s fine, she’s real in my heart.

#caroline talks #caroline recs

[a-duck-with-a-book]

REVIEW // Nevernight (The Nevernight Chronicle, #1) by Jay Kristoff

★☆☆☆☆

So I’m very late to the party, but I just finished reading Nevernight by Jay Kristoff I had such high hopes for this series based off of what people recommending it had told me and what I read about it before picking up. Dark fantasy? Check. Strong leading lady? I’m here for it. Gays? It’s literally my only personality trait. Sign me up. Unfortunately, this book fell flat in all those categories. It reminded me a lot of Sarah J. Maas’s Throne of Glass, which made me take one point off of to begin with simply for making me think of Maas’s writing. Overall, I just found the book to be too predictable, with bad writing, exposition, and pacing, and too many parts that just made me ~uncomfortable~.

In case you are not familiar with this novel, Nevernight tells the story of Mia Corvere, a girl who lost her family when she was a child after her father was convicted of treason. When the book begins, she is 16 years old and embarking on a journey to join the Red Church, a school for assassins, so that she may one day be able to avenge her father’s death. Along the way she meets a bunch of forgettable characters whose names I can’t be bothered to remember and is taught by the most fearsome killers in the Republic. Here she gains many valuable skills, like how to survive being poisoned, how to fight, and how to get big boobs.

+ Side note: by chapter 3 three I started picturing Mia as the crow guy from RWBY and I could not shake that for the rest of the book

I had many issues with this novel that I will try to summarize in some sort of coherent fashion, but to be honest this book sucked the will to live out of me so I don’t know how much energy I can put into this review.

// image: official cover art by Jason Chan //

FOOTNOTES

The footnotes were probably the most jarring element of the book for me, and, unfortunately, there’s a lot of them. Their function seems to be twofold:

they are the form of most of the world-building, explaining several customs, the history of the institutions and peoples Mia meets, and the mythology followed by the people of the Republic.

they allow for the narrator of our story to interrupt with comical one-liners or cryptic foreshadowing

In my humble opinion, both of these are unnecessary and stupid. The interruptions come off as crass and immature and make the other more textbook, boring exposition come off as a joke, especially when it is dealing with sensitive or serious topics. There is one that explains this brothel called the Seven Flavors, which the footnote explains refer to “Boy, Girl, Man, Woman, Pig, Horse, and, if sufficient notice and coin was given, Corpse.” Now, on its own, this passing mention of pedophilia, bestiality, and necrophilia could very well contribute to the world building and tone of the novel, but when placed side by side with the childish, joking tone of the “cue the violiiiiiiiins” or, regarding the acoustics of a room, “…they were, as it happens, exceptional. Falalalalalalaaaaaaaa”, come off as way too light-hearted for the topic at hand. Maybe I’m being way too sensitive, but I’m pretty tired of authors using serious topics as off-hand remarks as a lazy way to make their world daker and grittier. Plus, these footnotes were just so incredibly cringy that I would recoil from second-hand embarrassment every time. They resemble the things I wrote when I was 14 and trying (and miserably failing) to be funny. Also… there are way too many of them. While at first I appreciated the attempt to deepen the lore of the story (I’m a sucker for world-building), after a while it became evident that the author was just forcing information down our throats without taking the time to actually weave the lore and background into the story itself. It came off as a very lazy way to force exposition.

OVERLY FLOWERY LANGUAGE

This story is BRIMMING with similes and metaphors, like every other sentence is some overly complicated way to describe something that could have been presented in three words. When you include so many metaphors/similes/etc., they begin to lose power. They should allow the reader to extrapolate more meaning and emotion from a sentence, but if the book is bursting at the seams with them, they become increasingly ordinary, to the point of losing all of their luster. One prime example appears on page 30:

“It was a bucktoothed little shithole, and no mistake. Not the most miserable building in all creation. [here there is a footnote about some other inn/brothel] But if the inn were a man and you stumbled into him in a bar, you’d be forgiven for assuming he had—after agreeing enthusiastically to his wife’s request to bring another woman into their marriage bed—discovered his bride making up a pallet for him in the guest room.”

So first of all what the fuck is that supposed to mean? That whole paragraph is a fever dream. Let’s begin with “bucktoothed little shithole”. Bucktoothed? Really? What does that mean. Please, someone explain to be right now what a bucktoothed building is. Is it uneven? Is it awkward? Is it half-finished? Is one side longer than the other? Did they do a bad paint job that only covers on side? Are the windows askew? Is the door too big for its frame? We already know from the paragraph above that it is “disheveled” as well, so why the need for another weird phrasing of its appearance? We then move on to that whole JOURNEY of a sentence, where the inn is compared to a man being cuckolded. That is the most insane tale-can you imagine running into someone in a bar and that story being the VERY FIRST thing that runs through your mind??? I know I’m focusing way too much on this stupid paragraph, but basically what I am trying to get at is that even though we spend half a page talking about how bucktoothed and disheveled and cuckolded this building is, we get no actual physical description of it. Imagine if Kristoff had just written that it was a run-down, ill-kept building that looked as worse for wear as its owner did. Done, one sentence. Great. Let’s move on. Instead, we spend so long reading these absolutely batshit descriptions that ultimately tell us next to nothing. Flowery language is placed over actual context. You may think that a description this long and complex means that this inn is a significant or recurring setting in the novel. Nope. It’s not. Mia leaves and that’s that. The reason that I’m focusing so much on this objectively irrelevant paragraph is because it is so representative of the biggest issue I have with the writing in this book. There are so many unnecessary comparisons that function only to make the author feel clever rather than add anything to the story at all. It’s very à la 2010s Tumblr.

THE (IN MY OPINION, BAD) WRITING

For the first half of the book, we are constantly being TOLD things rather than being SHOWN things. With the exception of one of the teachers cutting off Mia’s arm, we rarely see the ruthlessness that the assassins are so feared for, but we hear about it in nearly every other sentence Where are the consequences? I think this book would have been way more enjoyable if there were actually consequences to the characters’ actions. The inclusion of the weaver and the weird vampire guy completely remove any tension regarding the fate of the central cast. When Mia had her arm chopped off, I was shocked, and pleasantly surprised. How was she going to overcome this unexpected obstacle in her training? Then a couple pages later, its reattached with absolutely no lasting consequences. All of the initial tension and shock value of the loss of Mia’s arm is entirely removed because of the two incest-y siblings. Their entire purpose for existing is just to undo all damage to the main characters. Then suddenly, out of the blue, Mia is willing to take on a ton of consequences and completely throw away her chance at becoming initiated in order to avenge her family just to save Tric from receiving like one punishment??? Like why?? As an aside, the only moment I truly enjoyed was when Ash fucking stabbed Tric to death. I assume that when the reader’s favorite moment is one of the central characters’ death, it does not bode well for their reception of the book.

THE THEMES

TW: rape-y subjects

The author seemed a little too keen to include rape and sexual assault in his story. Mia withdrew her consent in the sex scene in the very first chapter, and even if you read it as consensual (which I do not), it is described as incredibly unpleasant on her end. Tric is the result of a rape, which is brought up several times throughout the story. Further, Mia is constantly facing harassment from men. I understand that this is frames the idea that the world she lives in is misogynistic and ruthless, but there are other ways to push that idea through other than constantly putting in her in those situations. As in, this didn’t need to be the ONLY way we explored this subject. Beyond the uncomfortable propensity for sexual assault, I also very much disliked the sexualization of the 16-year-old main character. Oh. My. Gosh. Mia is CONSTANTLY sexualized. Every single damn character makes comments about her body, how hot she is, how much sex she potentially has. It is so weird and uncomfortable. I feel the need to reiterate that she is SIXTEEN. There is, however, a focus placed on the power Mia can gain from seducing her targets. Girl power? Not to me, really. The issue I have with this is the idea that a woman has to be overtly sexual in order to be considered powerful. This is something that we can see in many female assassins and supposedly powerful female characters in fiction (like Black Widow) especially those written by men. Now, there is nothing wrong with using one’s sexuality as a weapon, and I’m certainly not saying that a strong female character cannot be sexual, but the idea that a sixteen-year-old girl is shown having her body painfully modified tp be more desirable, and in a graphic sex scene with another character, in order to for the reader to read her as liberated and powerful does not sit well with me. I don’t really feel like this aspect of her training should be relevant to the overall story. I wish the time that Kristoff had dedicated to hammering into our heads that Mia is a femme fatale to developing her Darkin powers instead. The way she is written now feels more like she is a faux strong female character written for a male audience.

Secondly, Mia is fully written as “the plain-girl-who-is-actually-pretty”. This whole trope bothers me IMMENSELY. YA is full of girls who are described as plain, forgettable, or ugly while their physical descriptions are just the dictionary definition of conventionally attractive. It seems like a way to market off of girls’ self-consciousness while still being able to market the main character as a hot heroine in official art. And there is, of course, the issue of Mia’s boob job Readwithcindy (just “withcindy” now!) did a whole video about this so I won’t get into it much just to repeat what she already said, but I agree that the idea of a 30-something year old man including this completely unnecessary detail regarding the sexualization of teenage girl, who we have ALREADY seen in a rape and being sexualized by other men in the story, made me really, really, uncomfortable. I highly recommend you go watch her video, as she touches on this in way more detail. [Cindy's video

RATINGS

Worldbuilding: ★★☆☆☆

A lot of thought obviously went into the world-the mythology, society, and politics are well-thought out. But the way they are introduced is annoying and bland. It seems like the author put a lot of effort into constructing this world but realized a lot of it would be left out of the book, so he crammed it into footnotes instead.

Tone and writing style: ★☆☆☆☆ for first half, ★★★☆☆ for second half

The tone of the first half is all over the place, like it doesn’t know if it should be dark and gritty or comical and immature. Footnotes and character dialogue ranges from lighthearted and crass to seeped with themes of torture and sexual assault. It is jarring, to say the least, and often feels like the author doesn’t take these ideas of rape or violence seriously. There are so many instances where the scene is tense or gritty, and Kristoff is actually writing it pretty well, I’m enthralled and on the edge of my seat, and then Mia or some other character (or the footnotes) throw in some stupid comment or make the same “Mia is such an asshole lol” joke for the billionth time and completely ruin the mood of that scene. The second half of the book moved much faster and was helped with way better writing, but it really did not do enough to make up for the horrendous structure of the first half of the book.

Pacing and structure: ★☆☆☆☆

The first half of the book really drags on. Once we arrive at the school, there are constant jumps in timeline, marked with periods when a thousand things happen all at once and the plot moves forward at a dizzying rate, and others when the characters just seem to be going about their daily lessons.

Concept: ★★★☆☆

I found the overall idea of the books to be very interesting, even though it is certainly not the most original or unique concept for a YA fantasy book. The issue is that the potential is squandered with a poor execution.

Characters: ★☆☆☆☆

I truly did not care about any of the characters. The token mean girl, the bumbling nice-guy-who-is-definitely-the-love-interest. too many of the characters just sat nicely within their tropes, doing nothing much to pique my interests. I think my favorite overall was Mister Kindly.

#nevernight #jay kristoff #mia corvere #goodreads #review #onestar #book review #book #books #ya #young adult #fantasy #dark fantasy #rant #rant review #godsgrave #reading #read #bookblr #star #bookish #bookworm #a duck with a book #ya fantasy #lgbtq #lgbt #f/f #jason chan #cover artist

[chinesegal]

In defence of Boa Hancock, again

To preface: today I encountered an ask with a response so bad it made me boil with anger:

the op hates Hancock’s character, which is something I try to accept despite my personal feelings, however I do not believe its disrespectful to post this, its a public post on a social media forum and I don’t have enough followers that can make harassment campaigns possible.

So right now, I will refute their points bit by bit, each time copypasting their words into quotation marks, and my refutations below.

Their words:

“ Can you imagine how outraged the fandom would be, if they were cisswapped? For two seconds, let’s imagine a Luffyko & male!Boa: there would be oodles & oodles of posts about how he’s sexually harassing Luffyko, how No means No, & breaking down the fact that this character is not a good person by any means. That doesn’t happen though, because Boa’s a woman & Luffy’s a 17 yr old in this screenshot. “

Nope. Sanji turned to stone when seeing Shirahoshi because of the sheer lust he was feeling at the time, and then went on acting servile and adoring around her, serving her tea because she’s a woman/girl he’s attracted to, like many:

And Shirahoshi is 16, Sanji was 21. Brook asked to see Shirahoshi’s panties, and asked this question to many other women. The fandom in general doesn’t seem to care, which is a problem. Their actions are creepy, but no one cares.

But what makes me truly angry is the one screenshot they try to use to prove that Boa’s predatory:

this one. “Luffy’s only 17 in this screenshot”, they say. 

“What’s the context for this image?”-you might ask. The answer: sure as fucking hell not Boa trying to seduce or take advantage of Luffy. Here, she is revealing the brand on her back that would forever mark her as property, as less than human for life. Its an eternal reminder to her of the years of abuse and trauma she went through as a child. She is definetely not being “seductive” or sexual here, and nudity isnt the same as being sexual, especially not in this context.

It enrages me that they try to portray this shot where Boa is opening up about her abuse and trauma as her trying to “sexually harassing” Luffy. 

they then goes on about how men can be raped and abused by women, which is true but Hancock has done absolutely nothing abusive to Luffy, not in the screenshot unless you count trying to kill him as “abuse”. 

“Bias that men can’t be abused influences do-Gooder purity warriors that try to claim Sanji’s a sexual predator”- they say, a quote I feel distasteful. I dont think Sanji’s a sexual predator but if you do like him and ignore his behavior towards girls younger than Luffy, then you are just as hypocritical.

“ There is no reason why a 29 yr old should be almost violently, definitely insistently pursuing a 17 yr old. It’s disgusting, it’s creepy, it’s gross. Her tragic backstory does not give her leeway either. “

Boa Hancock has never been “violent”, nor said or done anything inappropriate to Luffy. She fantasizes about being his wife sure, and the agegap is awkward, but she acts like a 12 year old girl experiencing her first crush. She’s so naive that she thinks Luffy’s hug means they are married. It is very likely, if not explicitly canon that she doesnt know how healthy adult relationships function because of her whole backstory. That is the reason it’s impossible for me to see her as predatory, not because of gender but because how innocent she actually is when it comes to sex and romance.

Luffy is also not a tactful person; he would tell her if her behavior creeps him out but never does, showing that Boa’s actions doesnt make him uncomfortable at all.

And yes, her backstory does explain a lot, and it is the entire reason I sympathize with her despite her actions, which aren’t even that bad when compared to other pirates.

They then claim that during the infiltration of Impel Down, Hancock “made everything about herself and how she is going to marry Luffy”, somehow proving that she’s “selfish” and “irredeemable”, then they claim “Boa Hancock is the same character archetype as other One Piece villains, just obsessed with her beauty and ability to exploit people for her own gain” and “she knows what she is doing is wrong, she brags about it even”.

This made me almost as angry as the use of the screenshot.

Boa fawns over Luffy during the Impel Down escape, but to say she isnt “selfless” enough despite the fact that she’s breaking into a maximum security prison where visitors like her have to be completely helpless, a place controlled by the very people who enslaved her when she was a child. 

A single word from Magellan, someone in the World Government, or the Celestial Dragons themselves and she would have been doomed. What if she was searched and the brand identifying her as a slave was discovered? What if the Celestial Dragons have long known that she is their former slave and the World Government has been waiting for an opportunity to catch her in a situation like this so they can take her back to Mariejois and “return” her to the Celestial Dragons? Those are real, valid, and terrifying concerns for someone in Hancock’s position, and yet she did it all anyway for Luffy.

Yes, she fantasized about Luffy loving her during the infiltration, but y’know, that is ridiculous to focus on when characters like Sanji rants about wanting to cook and dote on women the straw hats are trying to save, fantasizing about being their “prince charming”. The SH themselves never aid innocents unless to help someone they befriended, they are not gonna intervene in a conflict even if thousands of people die. So no, Boa would never help anyone she didnt care about, she helps Luffy because she loves him and to focus on the 5 seconds she fantasizes about their “romance” is silly and shitty.

About her “boasting” about the bad things she’s done, words arent the same as actions and her shown actions were not shown to be worse than any other pirate. She turns other pirates and marines to stone, but Mihawk killed almost 5000 people just to pass the time and he gets no flack for it. The SH have contributed directly to the death of marines who just do their jobs. Her kicking baby seals, throwing away expensive gems and destroying children’s statues are petty things I dont care about, and just part of a persona to dissuade others from thinking she’s weak, she doesnt truly believe her own people would love her unconditionally if she spends years lying to them about her past. Hancock is no remorseless murderer like Enel and Crocodile, the reason she became a schischibukai was to protect her people.

As for surrounding herself with “enablers”, there’s not exactly any living person other than Nyon and Rayleigh who knows about her past and she can open up to. Her own culture demands she show no weakness, which would make that even harder.

@the-cat-under-telperion​ 

@chromatic-lamina​

@fan-tasmic​

I want your take on this.

#One piece #luffy #boa hancock #bad post op #fandom drama #fandom wank

[onisiondrama]

"let's talk" April 29, 2021, Speaks

Summary part 2

He says people already hated him and there's a law of numbers. If two people say he's a bad person and they're against one, everyone's going to believe them. You could have mountains of proof, but it doesn't matter. It's millions against one in his case because people love human sacrifice. He hopes he's making your crops grow because the suffering is incredible.

He says Keemstar is going on a rant right now on Twitter about Trisha Paytas allegedly tried to grope Keem. Apparently Trisha tweeted sexually harassing things to Keem. He says he keeps telling Keem to sue Trisha. If a guy did that to a girl, she could sue. In our culture, 9 out of 10 times we don't hold women accountable. He says there's a popular quote he doesn't remember. Everyone over estimates the power of a villain and they underestimate the power of a fake victim.

He would have rather been stabbed or shot then have to endure the last 2 years of internet insanity, the toxic mob, and the multi million dollar corporation going after him for shit he never did. If he was stabbed or shot, he could have healed in the hospital for a couple weeks and it would have been over.

People like everything you say and creative outlets, but it all goes out the window. You saw it happen with Tobuscus, Johnny Depp, Michael Jackson. He says MJ was apparently recently decided to be innocent by a court of law.

People like to see someone in a downward spiral, but you've never been in the shoes of someone who had an audience they loved and genuinely loved making videos for turn on them for baseless bullshit. Are you supposed to keep making videos like everything's ok? The people you dedicated your life to decided to lynch you socially. He says PSA, anyone can use the word lynch. He says people were trying to tell him he can't use that word because he's white. He says white people have been lynched in mass numbers before.

People say he's white, so he can't be a victim of anything. They say he's 35, so he can't be a victim of rape. He's a guy so he can't be raped. Because he doesn't cry or have a mental breakdown, instead he trolled you guys and poured kombucha on his head, that means he's a sociopath or psychopath. He says that's how men deal with their emotions. They don't sit around and cry, instead they look at facts and evidence to establish what the truth is.

The facts line up, he rejected them and yet they are saying he's a monster. If that was the case, why didn't they reject him if someone was wrong? Why weren't they (Sarah) the ones that locked the door because you were afraid you were going to kill them?

He says he was told the anti-o's don't care about James Charles even though he admitted to the horrible things he's been doing with people not of consenting age. In James Charles' state, the age of consent is 18 and he allegedly reached out to 14 year olds. James (Onision) says he never reached out to 14 year olds, so what are people who say he's like James Charles talking about?

He never texted 14 year olds. He helped a 16 year old (Sarah) get away from her mom who she said beat her. She said on camera he repeatedly rejected her and in texts she said she knew he would kick her out if she didn't anything inappropriate. There's established facts he's the opposite of James Charles. Age of consent in Washington is apparently 16, but he still rejects anyone who is not the legal ago. 30+ means you probably shouldn't be with anyone not 18+.

He tells viewers to give the video a thumbs up and subscribe if they like this video. He says he's not partnered on Youtube anymore because of the rumor mill and the multi-million dollar corporation shaming Youtube for partnering him. He says the mob won. He says he didn't think that would happen. He thought Youtube had integrity and they would say innocent until proven guilty, but they folded under the pressure. They only care if people are playing victim and mad. They were all kicked out of his life. If he was dumped and he immediately started talking trash, people would dismiss him because he was just dumped. No one cares about the most obvious reason to lie about someone because it's about him.

No one cares about this video or anything he has to say. It's great there were a small amount of people who left positive comments on the last video, but the media and commentary channels- He says apparently the commentary channels are doxing people. He says the only time he could recall doxing people were accidents and he corrected it. People dox someone and leave it up because they're trying to hurt someone. It's toxic and he thinks criminal. If it's not Onision, it's ok.

He says if you hate him talking in the third person, tell Dwayne Johnson to stop doing it first. You're a psychopath if you refer to yourself in the third person, unless you're Dwayne Johnson. "The Rock has come back to San Antonio." "Stone Cold Steve Austin says-" [Wait, does he realize WWE wrestlers are playing characters? 😂] He says we love Stone Cold Steve Austin and The Rock, so they can talk about themselves in the third person all they want. When Onision does it he's a psychopath and insane.

He says let's set up a lie detector test. He would love for the results to say he was telling the truth. He says you guy would say the results weren't accurate. If it said he was lying, you would use it as proof. You guys don't care about the truth, it's whatever is the most dehumanizing thing to someone. The next Charlie Manson.

What's the point of life if you're not telling the truth? You're treating life like a video game.

Fuck James Charles and VeeOneEye because they admitted to doing things.

If you cancel people who haven't been proven by a court of law or admitted to doing something, then you are the villains. You feel good about yourself because you're delusional. The gold standard is innocent until proven guilty.

People say he's verbally abusive, a stalker, or negative. He emailed people who are stalker-ish and made 40+ videos on him and they're somehow heroes. When he makes 40+ videos on someone, you say he's a stalker. The double standard never ends. He didn't watch the videos they made, but obviously they didn't highlight his good points and links. They made him out to be a psycho because he emailed them. If he made 40 videos one someone and they emailed him to correct him and he somehow makes them out to be a psycho? [He laughs] He says that's fucking delusional how the Youtube and internet community is.

He says he could sue if there's a lawyer willing to do pro bono because he doesn't have the wealth for a lawyer. The lawyer would also be butchered by the mob in google reviews and ruin their career. No one can represent him, there's nothing he can do.

If you're honest and tell the truth, eventually it catches up to people. He hopes he will be an example of the truth of our culture and canceling people. He says it's a horrible, agonizing reality to live in.

He says people call him a pedophile, but he was never with a prepubescent child. He just fucked an adult (Sarah) who blackmailed him who didn't live with him, had their own job, car, lived across the country.

[nothoughtsjust-vibes]

I started Twilight for the thousandth time because I hate myself and this time I recorded most of my thoughts and, since I have no one irl, I have To shout them into the Void

1. Why is all the dialogue so cringey?

2. Why would she remember her favorite dessert at a rando diner when she hasn’t been there in several years?

3. The coloring is just so blue

4. Why does she look SO PALE?! Is it because K Stew was actually supes pale or because the director wanted her to look vampiric?

5. Why does Bella sound like she’s gonna cry when she implies that the guys at school are sexually harassing her? Could it be BECAUSE THEY WERE DOING THAT?!

6. “Things were getting a little strange”? Just because he wasn’t in school? Bitch, you met him once and he was an ass, any sane person would just forget it.

7. “You’re not in Phoenix anymore, Bells”. They don’t have animals in Phoenix?

8. Why is every guy so invested in Bella?

9. Their first convo in class is SO AWKWARD!!! Is that bad directing and writing or is it genius?

10. “Any cold wet thing, I don’t really...” fast forward two years she’s getting dicked down by vampire cock

11. Her telling Edward about her mom and Phil is so awkward. Like, he needs to ask her to explain things that she should know need explaining. “Why’d you move here?” “My mom remarried...” “So, you don’t like the guy?” “No, Phil’s fine....”

12. When there’s a vamp as attractive as Carlisle, why would she ever go for the son?

13. The big question is why would anyone go for Edward when Carlisle is RIGHT THERE!?

14. What I wouldn’t give for a book of Cullen origin stories: Jasper in the Civil War? Alice in the Salem Witch Trials? Rosalie getting epic revenge on her rapists? Carlisle’s everything!? YES PLEASE!!!!!

15. How Edward doesn’t realize breaking into someones room and watching someone when they’re sleeping is fucking creepy, I’ll never know

16. Rosalie shoulda knocked sense into Edward to not be a creeper

17. Bella is supes rude to Mike by just not paying attention when he’s taking to her

18. Jesus, Mike’s eyes are GORGEOUS. Don’t know how I didn’t see that before

19. I would want this guy as my science teacher

20. Has Edward ever talked to a girl outside his family? Like....ever?!

21. You don’t hit a bus door to get the driver to open it. Because of this movie, I did that one time and now I hate teenage me for that

22. WHY IS EVERYONE IN THESE MOVIES SO GODDAMN SKINNY!?!

23. Love that vampires don’t need to eat, but Emmett is eating in a cafeteria scene

24. “If you were smart, you’d stay away from me.” HOW BOUT YOU STAY AWAY FROM HERE DUDE!?! MAYBE STOP GOING INTO HER ROOM AND WATCHING HER SLEEP

25. KrimsonRogue said if you can use anything besides rape, don’t use rape. Maybe SMeyer should’ve heard similar advice and taken it

26. So Jacobs just not gonna introduce his friends?

27. “You caught that, huh?” They were a foot away from her and no one else was talking

28. I remember that in this beach scene, Bella was trying to seduce Jacob into talking. And she was like, 17 and he 15 which, even if not bad with age gap, still creepy. And she’s not good at it. And doesn’t need to do it.

29. Why she shrieking? It’s a goddamn rope he’s chasing her with

30. Why are the villain vamps so goddamn dramatic?

31. Why is Bella’s google searching so instantly effective?

32. Why does she go all the way to Portland to buy one book, flip to one page, take one word from one caption of one illustration, and then never touch the book again?

33. Bella is super not a good travel companion. Why didn’t she just drove her own self to Portland to go to the bookstore?

34. How she get so lost?

35. How did she not answer her cell while her friends were freaking out about where she was?

36. Why are her friends just leaving her with this very strange dude who never interacts with anyone?

37. That first line the waitress delivers to Edward feels like very bad acting.

38. It’s hilarious that corpse feet made her immediately think of Edward

39. How could she just barely graze Edwards fingers with hers and immediately have a shock reaction of “Your hands are so cold”

40. Okay, even with all this “evidence”, no normal person would be like, “Yup yup, he’s a vampire” and then have some dramatic confrontation in the forest during school

41. She just ditches her backpack in the forest. I assume she needs it

42. “Sometime you speak as if you’re from a different time” Bitch, when?

43. These are not normal conversations that happen in these movies

44. Bella is not normal. Dude she’s known for two days says he’s probs gonna kill her and she’s just like “Yeah, cool”

45. Why does he think his sparkle skin is a turn-off? I’d be like, “Hell, yeah, you never need to buy body glitter”

46. How she trust him after, like, two weeks and a couple conversations? I don’t trust people with my FEELINGS after two years, this bitch trusting an admitted murderer with her LIFE after two weeks

47. “I’m not afraid of you. Only afraid of losing you.” EXCUSE ME BITCH WHAT!?!? YOUVE KNOWN HIM TWO WEEKS

48. YOU CANT FALL IN LOVE THAT FAST!!!!!

49. Okay, but why’d Angela say “Oh my god” before Bella even got out of the car? All that she saw was the car drive up and Edward get out

50. Why were people staring? That’s not how high school works. People don’t REALLY give a shit who’s dating who unless they’re queer

51. I get the convo montage is to indicate they’re spending a lot of time together, but they’d have to remember the exact place they left off in the conversation or just have the same conversation over and over

52. Only living on tofu would not keep you strong

53. Okay, that cut of him jumping from the rock and cut to him jumping into the truck bed is very good

54. “Here comes the human”..... WHO SAID THIS LINE!?!? It sounded very happy, BUT THE ONLY TWO WOMEN IN THE ROOM WERE ESME AND ROSALIE AND ROSALIE WAS NOT HAPPY AT ALL AND ESME WASNT SPEAKING

55. If I were in Bella’s position, among other things I woulda done different, I woulda eaten the shit out of that Italian meal the Cullens prepares for me

56. The scene in Edwards bedroom is so goddamn awkward, but I feel like that works since she’s super awkward and he’s a 108 year old virgin who’s never spoken to a girl before her

57. Why she just turn his stereo on without permission?

58. I heard Claire de Lune is like, the most basic piece ever. Writers couldnta been more creative?

59. How is taking her on a tree climbing adventure making her dance?

60. “So, you and Cullen, huh? I don’t like it.” YOU KNOW WHAT MIKE!?! FUCK OFF!!! YOU HAVE NO GODDAMN SAY IN IT

61. What the hell was that twerking to the daughter of the chief while the chief was there?

62. So he’s been watching her sleep for the past couple months. She got there middle of the semester. So around March. A couple months would make it June. HOW LONG IS THIS SCHOOL YEAR!?!

63. Why Edward couldn’t have bounced with Bella before the villain group got there is beyond me.

64. THIS SCENE WHERE BELLA TALKS SHIT TO CHARLIE AND LEAVES THE HOUSE!!!! THIS IS THE PART I HATE THE MOST BECAUSE THERE ARE SO MANY GODDAMN WAYS SHE COULDVE LEFT HOME FOR A COUPLE DAYS!!!! “I’m gonna go stay at Jessica’s house for the weekend” “I’m gonna go to Angela’s house for the weekend” “I wanna take a weekend trip with Jessica” “I wanna go visit Mom for a couple days” LITERALLY ANYTHING EXCEPT THAT WOULDA WORKED THERE WAS NO GOOD REASON FOR HER TO HURT HIS FEELINGS LIKE THAT

65. If Rosalie could smell Bella across the field when there was no breeze, why can’t James smell her standing five feet from her?

66. Laurent really didn’t give them any helpful information. James is super dangerous? Yeah, Edward already got that. Victoria is dangerous? Yeah, that’s kinda common sense. Thanks for nothing, you French bastard

67. Man, why the tits did Bella not just tell Alice and Jasper about James supposedly having her mom hostage? Seems like she should trust the group of seven vamps to beat two

68. How did Alice see James going to the ballet studio but not James calling Bella?

69. “I don’t regret the fact that I’m gonna die because at least I got to meet Edward” is what she’s basically saying. As the great Ronald Weasley said, “She needs to sort out her priorities.”

70. The level of dependency Bella exhibits when Edward tells her she has to go to Jacksonville is truly terrifying.

#twilight renaissance #twilight #i hate myself

[my-darling-boy]

SO I’ve been getting people in my inbox asking me if I could explain the struggles of being trans. Obviously I’m willing to educate but there’s a LOT to unpack on understanding that, so to narrow it down, I’ll list things I or some trans people close to me have gone through to give you an idea of the difficulties. I obviously don’t speak for all trans people but as a trans man myself, I have Been Through Some Things

//Rape mention, self harm mention, suicide mention//

•When I came out at 14, I lost all my friends aside from one. I was bullied extensively behind my back. I was dragged to church by my friends who wanted to cleanse me of my “sin”

•I was the only out trans man in my entire school of 2000 students. I knew zero trans people. Everything I had to learn as a kid about being trans was done so entirely by myself. Additionally, the school’s Gay-Straight-Alliance Club kicked me out because I was a masculine trans man

•My parents lied and told me I had certain health concerns which would prohibit me from medically transitioning because they didn’t want me to do it

•I had zero support system. I almost attempted suicide at 14 and self harmed frequently from 13-18 years old

•Many trans people develop eating disorders; for a lot us, we feel we can avoid being misgendered if we look a certain way. It can be caused by depression or from a means of “controlling” something about ourselves when our lives are out of control; I developed anorexia at 16 and struggle every day with it still at 21

•I was constantly told by cis “friends” even cis LGBQ+ “friends” that I would never find anyone to love me because I was trans

•I should point out, I’m not trying to attack other cis LGBQ+ people, I’m trying to point out that injustices and bullying towards trans people happens WITHIN the LGBTQ+ community by cis members. As in, being gay doesn’t mean you’re immune to being a transphobe

•Starting at 14 when I came out, I was constantly asked about how I would have sex since I was trans by both adults and classmates

•I was preyed upon in high school by a guy who had a trans man fetish. The vast majority of trans people will experience a form of sexual abuse/harassment at least once from cis people. Trans people are sometimes seen by cis people as being part of a fetish or like a “sex toy”, thinking we’re just here for their disgusting kinks

•Kids in the hall would pass me at school and make comments like “is that a boy or a girl? *laugh*” or refer to me as an “it”

•There were so little resources for trans people where I lived that I became the trans man every trans person came to for advice meanwhile other cis members of the LGBTQ+ community had many friends to confide in. Trans people are often barred from being accepted into these cis LGBQ+ circles

•A trans man friend of mine, who was a minor at the time, was raped by an adult cis man in a men’s restroom minutes from where I lived. I refuse to use public restrooms due to this fact alone, no matter how cis I look when entering a men’s restroom

•In many places throughout the world, it is illegal to use the restroom of a different gender than you were originally assigned. Even just minding our own business and using the restroom is for some reason an issue among cis people. In one restroom I could be harassed and in the other, I could physically assaulted. Or arrested! Testosterone was the only way I could go into the men’s restroom without being preyed upon by cis men and even then, I have to wait for the place to be empty, even if it’s legal for me to be in there

•When visiting dangerous areas, I have to bind my chest for 12+ hours because I never enter a place where I can take the binder off. In a very conservative area that strictly prides itself in male/female cis people, trans people feel forced to make sure we LOOK either way or else we could be harassed/jumped, as there are places not far from me where non-binary/trans/trans-nb people will not venture to because it’s unsafe. It would be easy to hide I’m gay in a dangerous area, as I just don’t mention being gay, and you can’t inherently “see” as person is gay as it’s a sexual orientation. But in a dangerous area, if I say I’m a man and someone catches on to the fact I’m not a cis man, bad things could happen to me. (I’d like to add that the vast majority of trans hate crimes have been against black trans women and murders in general of trans people have skyrocketed in recent years. A vast majority of these hate crimes are committed by cis white men.)

•A lot of emphasis is put on cis appearances in the trans community, which isn’t always the product of just wanting to express yourself in ways that are traditionally cis. Sometimes we are put in certain situations where we unfortunately MUST look either strictly, stereotypically male/female in order to avoid harassment, and it’s completely anxiety inducing and/or degrading. Some trans people sometimes feel forced to transition to fit in, and a lot trans people are AFRAID to transition or dress without accordance to their original assigned gender because of how we are mistreated by cis people when we do so

•Touching on that, I have encountered people referred to as “transmeds” which are those trans men who think trans men must have gender dysphoria in order to be trans, or that you must want to medically transition to be trans; they commonly place stereotypical, often conservative and toxic, masculine requirements to be a trans man. Many trans men like myself speculate they are the reason why toxic masculinity still thrives like a disease among the trans community. Conservative ideals like this damage the trans community by asserting a trans person DOES look and act a certain way, which is an idea incidentally trans people strive to dismantle among cis people

•Since I’m a trans, gay man, not only can I be bullied by CISHET MEN but also CIS GAY MEN and additionally even other conservative TRANS MEN. If you’re a gay, bi, etc trans person within the LGBTQ+ community, you often face more types of discrimination than cis LGBQ+ people, especially if you are asexual on top of it all, like myself

•Trans people also often encounter terfs, cis “feminists” who believe trans women aren’t real women, and these individuals are found to confidently defend racist, N@zi, white supremacist, and other bigoted attitudes, so just..... gross people

•As a trans person, you’re sometimes made to feel as though you can’t be proud of yourself the same way you can be proud of being gay or lesbian. I’ve witnessed people praising someone for talking about being gay everyday while those SAME PEOPLE complained a trans person talking about being trans ONCE was “annoying” and just “ vying for attention”. Cis people, lgbq+ or not, are sometimes made so uncomfortable by trans people they think calling them annoying will silence them. It’s happened to me almost every single time I’ve tried to come out which is what ultimately led me to be ashamed of myself for many years

•Cis people can often be so unaccepting of our identity that they will intentionally not work on using our correct name/pronouns, withhold using the correct name/pronouns as a form of punishment, or go behind our backs and use the wrong pronouns/name because they don’t think it’s important. Cis people have the luxury of always having their name and pronouns as being a given, and those same people think we are so below them, they think they can choose when we do or do not deserve to be called what we should be called. Deadnaming/intentially misgendering a celebrity you don’t like or person you’re angry with is STILL transphobia

•Just recently, a cis manager outed me to my entire workplace as being trans. Outing someone as trans is VERY DANGEROUS. At the end of the day, you never know who that information could be passed to. Knowing that someone is trans is NEVER your decision to tell people, it’s their private information. If you out someone in a workplace environment, you can and mostly likely will lose your job. However inversely, it is still possible in some places to be fired solely for being trans. If I was in a bad part of my country, her outing me could have cost me my job. Every job I have held thus far has always ended with a cis manager not knowing how to keep their mouth shut about my gender.

Basically, trans people struggle everyday in a vast number of ways and the magnitude of their hardships often go unnoticed due to transphobes or uninformed cishet people trivialising or censoring trans voices. And these are just a FRACTION of things trans people have to deal with regularly. If you aren’t trans, you can’t claim to know what we’re going through. You can only listen to and be there for trans people, read their stories and experiences to be aware of their struggles and how you can make sure you aren’t creating an unsafe space for trans people.

~Terfs and transphobes do not interact~

#I’ll post another answering the people who were asking me what not to ask/say to a trans person #why does this sound so salty I’m sorry #I think it just reminded me of all the times I’ve been harrassed #or seen others get harrassed #lgbtq #transgender #trans #long post

[bustedbernie]

30 Facts and Things that don’t look good for Sanders

Imagine what these things will sound like once the GOP twists them to either depress DNC turnout like point 14, or to encourage GOP turnout like point 16. Point 1 is the worst in my opinion, it almost killed his run and it was swept under the rug by the media.

1) Bernie Sanders had a heart attack at age 78, lied about it, and broke his promise of releasing his medical records. Who knows how serious his health problems are given he collapsed at a funeral in 2006?

2) Bernie Sanders wrote essays about masturbation, rape and child rape fantasies.

3) Under his watch as VA chairman, 40 veterans died waiting for appointments at the VA.

4) Jane Sanders bankrupted Burlington College, was investigated by the FBI, and yet received a $200,000 golden parachute payout.

5) Sanders voted for the disastrous 1994 crime bill, saying the country needed more jails and 'tougher' penalties

6) Sanders claims to fight for healthcare but he voted against the Children's Health Insurance Program, which AOC highly praised "When I was a child that relied on CHIP so that I could see a doctor", because it covered 95% of people instead of 100%. It failed.

7) So much for railing against corporate handouts, in 1999 Sanders secured 1.2 million dollars in funds for a local Wal-mart.

8) Sanders claims he wants to get dark money out of politics but has the backing of multiple dark money groups.

9) Bernie Sanders’ views on alternative medicine and GMOs highlight troubling embrace of pseudoscience

10) Bernie claims to be a pacifist but he had no trouble voting to fund the $1.2 trillion F-35 when there was something in it for him

11) Sanders supported a proposal in which Maine and Vermont could dispose of low-level nuclear waste in a poor, Latino community.

12) The NRA helped Sanders win his house seat in 1990, he went on to vote against the Brady Bill even though he campaigned on gun control in 1988

13) Bernie Sanders called the Human Rights Campaign and Planned Parenthood 'part of the establishment'. He went on to campaign for an anti-choice democrat.

14) His many stupid comments on race will make a nice ad in Southern states: "When you're white, you don't know what it's like to be living in a ghetto, you don't know what it's like to be poor", Bernie repeatedly compared Vermont workers to enslaved black people., and how can we forget him telling blacks dealing with cops to “respect what they are doing so that you don’t get shot in the back of the head.” Pair that with the fact that Bernie moved away from diverse neighborhoods to lily-white Vermont.

15) Bernie will not explain how to pay for any of his plans.

16) Socialism.

17) In 40 years of government work, Bernie has passed 7 bills to rename post offices and create feel-good state days. No one cares that he stepped on the backs of others hard work to amend bills.

18) He praised dictator Fidel Castro, saying on video "Everybody was totally convinced that Castro was the worst guy in the world...They forgot that he educated ...kids, gave them health care, totally transformed the society."

19) Multiple women made claims of sexual harassment, unequal pay and demeaning treatment in Mr. Sanders’s 2016 campaign.

20) Bernie was endorsed by sexist garbage Cenk Ugyar and bigot Joe Rogan causing the Human Rights Campaign to speak out

21) Bernie voted against Amber Alerts.

22) Bernie voted against immigration reform that would have provided a path to citizenship for the people Trump is currently holding hostage.

23) He voted to deregulate the banks in 2000.

24) Sanders evolved on LGBT+ rights, at one point evoking the states rights argument when it came to marriage equality.

25) Bernie voted in favor of the war in Afganistan.

26) Bernie has been no friend to Palestine or Israel, voting for S. Res 498 and S. Res 526 that fully condoned the Israeli assault along with a slew of other anti-Palestine bills.

27) Sanders voted in favor of the Iraq Liberation Act of 1998, Sanders voted in favor of the war on Serbia

28) In the 2016 race, Sanders took $366,458 from the Defense Industry, only 8% less than Trump

29) The soviet tapes

30) The congress shooter will 100% be blamed on him, especially given how he ignores his supporters bad behavior

#bernie #bernie sanders #berniesanders #notmeus #ourrevolution #sanders 2020 #bernie 2020 #bernie2020 #sanders2020 #sandersforpresident #neverbernie #fuckbernie

[emily-charles]

My last nightmare: (January 10th, 2020)

(None of this is well-written or thought-out. There’s probably typos, or errors, but I wrote it out because my nightmares suck, and I was told once to record them. I wrote it out, still half asleep.) So I'm a black woman, with this amazing, springy, short curly hair. Personally, as a white gal, I'm not used to it, and I keep playing with it. It sounds stupid, but I've never been given that opportunity before. I'm beautiful (from my point of view, but 'I'/she doesn't think so as much). She is actually really soul crushing about how mean she is to herself. It hurts me to hear others think that way about themselves. But I know I do it too some days. She's stunning, but she thinks she's plain. 'Nothing much', as 'she' puts it. But that line between reality and the dream fade, and I'm her now. I'm a black, lesbian woman, who's dating and living with a Latina woman, named Marie. She has this beautiful skin. It looks like dark honey and feels like silk, and I know every inch of her body. Her long, straight hair, it almost reaches her waist, and she's been growing it out for years. She told me so. A whole history between us, and I don't know where it came from, but I love her and I know it. I met her at a local bar. Just by a single glance. A 'save me' glance. I'd never been a 'love at first sight' kinda gal, but I fell in love with her the minute she smiled at me, and twisted away from some 'I bet I can make you like dick' dude. I had come up to monitor the issue as it seemed this beautiful chick was getting harassed. I walked over, straightened my shoulders to give off a more powerful vibe, and threw my arm around her, smiled sweetly at her, and said, "Is this idiot being a douche canoe?" She leaned over, and kissed me abruptly. The men hooted and hollered, then she turned around, grabbed his beer from his hand, and poured it over his fucking head. We both got kicked out of the bar, but I'd never laughed so hard. It was worth it. We spent the rest of the night, chatting in some cheap-ass pizza place, sipping from her 'hidden flask' and sharing a slice of pizza that was basically a quarter of a pizza. She's fucking stunning, she smart, with the sharpest wit I'd ever experienced, and I love her. I love her so much. I'm going to marry her, when the law passes in America, and I know it. She works as an RN at our nearest hospital. She'd moved here for the work (I didn't know nurses had to move to find work? Is that true? I'm still weirded out by this after waking) -- so she meets a bunch of new people, and I'm one of the first she meets just by this bar-experience. I remember everything about her. I remember her name was Marie Anne Juarez. She was disowned by her family when she came out of the closet, and things had been tough for her for a long time. She worked two jobs, and occasionally a part-time gig on top when the other two weren't enough. After she saved up, she put the money into school, rented the tiniest room she could find, and found a better full-time job. Somewhere else with 12-hour shifts, and worked her ass off. She'd felt alone for a long time, but she found her relationships with another tight knit group of LGBTQ through me. When we first met, she was quiet at the beginning of the night-- but sassy as fuck. Once she opened up, I knew those small smirks/grins, and smiles led to sass and funny comments. We were both somewhat sarcastic, and we both giggled over a lot of the same things. When she started her RN career, she worked 16-hours straight, but she never complained (do nurses really work that long?? Like holy shit...). I lived with her later on. I remember her panties. How she liked booty shorts, (my favourites were her black with neon orange elastic) and lace thongs specifically (Easter colors always outside of a handful of black pairs). How pink and this mustard yellow were her favourite colours. They matched her skin tone, nearly black eyes, and dark hair. I remember where the window in our bedroom was. Our queen-sized bed. I remember that she always blow-dried her hair straight even though it was wavy to curly. How much she loved the 'natural' look when it came to make-up except for liner and mascara. Maybe that's a nurse thing. No time for anything else. One night I came home from work, made a quickie stupid dinner because I beat her home, and she didn't show. The police called me, and said she was at X-hospital. God forbid I remember what hospital it was in my dream. I went immediately. They wouldn't let me see her, even though I was her 'emergency contact'. They said, "Only family." And I wasn't 'family'. I was her fucking girlfriend. And even if I was her fianceé, I was female, and oh my gosh, the scandal! Even though her family hadn't talked to her in years -- and no 'family' would be coming to visit -- I had to wait outside. I wasn't allowed to see her. When she finally walked out she was wearing hospital clothing -- they'd taken her clothing as 'evidence'. She told me everything then. In a quiet voice, and without seemingly to stop and breathe -- all at once, and just once, she told me everything. All while avoiding my gaze, and refusing my touch -- I can’t hold her hand, I can’t brush too close, or make direct eye contact with her. She had been walking, in her scrubs to her car to the employee parking lot (all under video surveillance), and was sexually assaulted as she was unlocking her car. He raped her between her car, and the car parked next to her. When she tried to resist, he strangled her, and smashed and dragged her face across the concrete. She had bruises around her neck, stitches along her brow and side of her cheek, and butterfly tape across her nose. She told me what happened, and after that -- she refused to speak of it again. She told me that she just needed time. She was given 'leave' from the hospital for 'health reasons' and she stared at the wall or muted television most of the time. I never questioned her, but I begged her to talk to me sometimes. After awhile, when she let me, I held her. I spooned her, and she didn't flinch from my touch; she just clutched me tighter. Enough to leave half-moon marks in the tops of my hand from her nails. And sobbed occasionally. She dry-heaved occasionally, or went on benders trying to clean everything. Anything to dismiss the memory, I suppose.

I would have to stop her at 3AM from doing the dishes. Clutching her to me, and dragging her into my lap to get her to stop, and she would get angry and burst out crying. Or sometimes she just hiccupped and stared at nothing. Sometimes she struggled to get away so she could keep cleaning. I kept us afloat. I knew she was going through bad shit. I was there. I saw it first hand. Tucked in bed with her, fully clothed -- this wasn't the time to ask questions. Just be there for her, and do what I can. I just wanted to glue all the broken pieces back together. I still had to work, and leave her alone all day to keep us afloat, and I hated leaving her. I would text her throughout the day, reminding her how much I loved her. How amazing she was. I came home two months after the assault, and the sink was on. I could hear it through the thin walls of our small house while I was unlocking and pushing open the door of our side entrance. The sink was running full blast, and I was so confused. The sink was overfilling. Did she fall into a depression sleep while doing the dishes? There was water all over the floor. I yelled her name, and stepped forward to turn off the tap but never got to it. Our kitchen was small. A small island of grey/white/black splatters that matched the surrounding counters. But as I stepped in, keeping my sneakers on to avoid the water, I noticed the water had a weird amber/brown rust colour to it the closer to the sink I got. I stepped in further, and saw her. Laying flat. On the ground. She was still in her scrubs even though she hadn’t been to work in months. She said they were comfortable and reminded her of a better time. They were blue. At least... mostly. But the water... the thin layer of water around her was brown. Reddish brown. It was only then, I noticed she was injured. A angry red slice splitting her skin goes from the inside of elbow straight to the palm of her hand. A paring knife was nearby her other hand. The water has collected around her. It must've been hot or warm at one point -- but it's still running now, and absolutely ice cold now, and her lips are a bluish tinge. I pulled myself away from my inner thoughts, scream her name, and fall on my knees in the murky water. My thoughts aren't clear. I shake her -- reach to check for a pulse -- and there's nothing. I can't find a pulse. I see movies all the time where they say to put your fingers, but I can't find it. I scream in her face to wake up. I scream her name. I'm not at all ashamed to say I pimp slapped the hell out of her while screaming, "WAKE UP!" Nothing worked in the first literal ten seconds -- so I ended up calling 9-1-1. No idea how I grabbed, or dialed my cell phone, but it happened. I scream for an ambulance, say someone's dying, and give the address. I shouted her name, leaning over her chest to listen. A rattle, a wheeze.... Anything. I take a breath to try calm myself so I can hear over the sound of my blood rushing in my ears, and try again. I tie the nearest tea towel around her arm as tight as I can. I tell her she’s not allowed to leave. I tell her I love her. I tell her to wake up.  I tell her I won’t let her leave. For some reason the whole experience is as slow as quicksand. Slowly sucking the everything out of you before drowning you. I slap Marie again like she owes me money -- like I'm actually angry and not terrified. Then I straddle her hips and push on her diaphragm, and ribs together. I keep screaming at her, and there's wetness on my face. I think it's either from the floor, or I'm crying. She briefly smiles despite the pain I must be causing her, and even though she tries to open her eyes -- they open sluggishly, and the lower part of her eyes show. White and the dark bluish-grey ring of her dark like night eyes. She mutters, "Love you. Sorry." Then her eyes and lungs close. I have heard the goddamn death rattle, and I've ignored it. The water surrounding us looks like it had been soaking in a bath-bomb made of a brick. I am focused and pressing on her chest, and I hear her exhale with each push, but aside from that, I hear nothing except the sink still running that I’ve forgotten to turn off. I have to breathe into her in order to get her chest to inflate. The EMTs come out of nowhere. I am shoved away abruptly -- I am furious, delerious, fighting them -- trying to keep the rhythm of her heart and lungs -- but I am pulled away by two cops after that. It appears 9-1-1 sends cops with the ambulance no matter where they go. I struggle against them, I yell things like, "She's asthmatic! Allergic to cats, cashews, peanuts, but we don't keep that shit in our house!" The cops take me with them to the hospital in the backseat like some bad guy, clothes and hands still drenched and soaked in her blood and the dirty water. I'm not allowed to ride in the ambulance with her. I'm asked so many questions, but I'm not "family". Even though I'm her emergency contact, I can't do anything. The triage nurses insist on me waiting in the waiting room. No one seems to listen to me. They tell me to wait. I'm not allowed in. I'm not 'family’. I wait. And wait. And wait. And wait. And wait. And wait. And wait. When the doctor comes out, his face gives everything away with a gentle shake of his head. I burst into tears, and I start telling him, "No. NO. No, no, no," before he can say anything. I wake up, and I'm crying in my sleep.

#bad #dreams #dream #nightmare #nightmares #night #mares #creative #writing #creative writing #writings #am writing #amwriting #short story #short stories #short #story #stories #emily-charles #emily #cheating #ec #relationships #sad #relationship #marie

[radfemetc]

Gender 101

Here’s an easily understood thread about only SOME of the aspects of the gender critical position and the differences between gender and biological sex. It was written by @planetdyke on twitter. Do read it if you need any help understanding or even explaining the gender critical position to other people in your life. Yes, it’s  really simplified because it apparently needs to be. 

1) THREAD FOR THE STUPID; 

 Let’s be clear

 When we are born we are considered to be either male or female.  

That’s because biologically we ARE either one or the other. 

It’s seriously no big deal; it’s literally based on our reproductive system cos that’s kind of important.

2) Gender, on the other hand, is different. Gender is imposed on us by a patriarchal society according to whether we are male or female. But the imposition of gender is based on myths, assumptions and nonsensical ideas about what women and men are capable of doing or achieving.

3) Let’s break it down for those who still don’t get it. Girls like pink, glitter, sparkles. Girls don’t like to get dirty or climb trees or build things. Girls like to play with dollies and do each other’s hair and gossip.

4)  Do any of the above sound remotely like a scientific, biological conclusion? No. Because it’s nonsense. These assumptions or impositions are socially constructed.

5)  Hey! Let’s try another. 

Men don’t express emotion. Men don’t like talking about how they feel. Men can’t cook or look after babies or do housework. Men are rational, leaders, dominant and analytical.

6)  True? Are they? Women are also all of those things surely? Oh good. We agree. That’s the social construction of gender! Hurray!

7)  Now, imagine that we got rid of gender expectations and roles. Males and females could become whoever they wanted, wear what they wanted, play with whatever they liked and do whatever job or hobby they fancied. Sounds good right?

8) No expectation that women will stay home or give up work to look after the house and kids. No expectation that women will be nurses and not engineers. IMAGINE!!!

9)  So why don’t we have this perfect world? In a word, patriarchy. Because no matter how much we want it, we still live in a patriarchal society which both consciously and sub-consciously, values men above women.

10)  And, as a result of that, women are considered lesser; weaker, emotional. Patriarchy has locked women in a lane with no overtaking. And women that try to move out of that lane are subject to abuse, misogyny, hatred and violence.

11)  Regardless of your feminist and political alignments, we can all agree that women are disproportionally exposed to, and experience, sexual and domestic violence, and that the perpetrators are disproportionately men.

12)  Yes? Not convinced? Ok go and ask as many women as you can if they’ve ever experienced any of the following; Street harassment Comments on appearance; hair, weight, facial expression Groped in queues, on tubes, on trains, in pubs rape, assault, verbal abuse, threats, stalking.

13)  I’m gonna stick my neck on the line here and say that without exception every single one of those women you’ve asked will have experienced AT LEAST one of the above. And that the perpetrator will have been MALE. 

 Not female. MALE.

14)  Of course you’re not going to just, like, randomly ask women (assuming they identify that way of course!) about their sexual experiences. God, what am I? Some kind of fucking gender terrorist? Whatever. Ask. Don’t ask.

15)  So what does that tell us? Well. It tells us that the vast majority of women recognise and acknowledge that, if something bad is going to happen to them, it’s going to be done by a man.

16)  It tells us that women only spaces (FEMALE only spaces) are there for a reason. They are created and maintained to ensure that women - who are disproportionately victims of domestic and sexual violence and abuse - have a place, space, group to be in where they can be safe.

17)  Why on earth would you want to take that away? But, trans women are women! Yeh, no they’re not. They’re trans women sure, but they haven’t experienced the same girlhood, childhood, adolescence etc as females.

18)  And (sigh) yes, I know that not all females have the same experiences blah blah blah. I know. But there are so many overlaps for females, so many shared experiences that males don’t experience at all.

19)  And just because you don’t accept that, doesn’t make it any less true. Women know, from the moment they are able to walk and talk, that they are a target for boys and men. For hair pulling, pushing, criticism, groping, abuse, harassment, exploitation, abuse, rape & violence.

20)  So you go ahead and accuse women of being obsessed with genitals because they recognise that their attraction to a person is based on sex and sexuality

21)   You carry on screaming when abuse at those women who raise concerns about losing spaces where they feel safe. You carry on with your attempts to alter a reality that women are suffering in.

22)  You carry on. Because whether you like it or not, you were born as a result of sex between a male and a female. And whether you like it or not, you yourself are either male or female.

23)  How you choose to express that is entirely down to you; wear skirts, wear makeup, wear dungarees, wear fairy wings and glitter. I don’t give a fuck, and neither does anyone else, to be honest.

24)  Be a gender non-conforming woman! Be a gender non-conforming man! No one cares, honestly. Just don’t pretend that you’ve magically changed sex. You haven’t. You’ve just chosen to reject gender stereotypes and that’s FAB! 

 Good for you!

25)  Now here’s your warning. Carry on trying to push women to the margins, keep trying to close down those spaces and see what happens. Underestimate us at your fucking peril

26)  Because if you know any women, you’ll know that we don’t fuck around. We are strong, determined, loyal, brave and will not give a fucking inch to men. So fuck off

#why gender critical #lgb #gender identity #biological sex #sex based oppression #sex based protections #Violence against women #male violence #female only spaces #osobni #feminism #homophobia #lesbophobia #take the t out #self id #lesbian #gay #some people are female get over it #female erasure #transgender #trans

[drpepperhateblog]

Riot Games Sexism: Source Collection

Article: Inside The Culture of Sexism at Riot Games

Some excerpts:

“Both male and female sources have described seeing unsolicited and unwelcome pictures of male genitalia from bosses or colleagues. One woman saw an e-mail thread about what it would be like to “penetrate her,” in which a colleague added that she’d be a good target to sleep with and not call again.”

“Another said a colleague once informed her, apparently as a compliment, that she was on a list getting passed around by senior leaders detailing who they’d sleep with.”

“One of Riot’s male senior leaders regularly grabbed his genitals, the source said, adding, “If he walked into a meeting with no women he’d just fart on someone’s face.””

In disbelief? Here are some witnesses, with both former and current employees confirming what’s happening:

Multiple tweets from MiniWhiteRabbit

“Multiple women confided in me about being sexually harassed at work. About their asses being slapped, being groped at parties, or being raped at Riot events.”

Riot Tiza tweet

“Tough to read this but this is dead on about some problems in our house.”

Xylese tweet

“I’m fortunate to have an incredibly supportive manager, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that I have colleagues who’ve dealt w/ and still deal w/ this shit. I’ve had my own share of bad experiences here, too. I want that to change in Riot and in the industry.”

FFMirhi tweet

“I can assure you that the vast majority of testimonials in this article are true.”

Gogo Usagi tweet

“I worked there for 3 years and I'm still recovering, honestly.”

ScarizardPlays tweet

“I wanted to mostly be quiet and let other people speak but if my voice helps lend any credibility to the _staggering_ amount of sources cited here: this isn’t overblown ‘sensationalist kotaku garbage’ or whatever redditors love to say. Even the bits you can’t believe? it happened”

Yonah tweet

“I was so idealistic & hopeful when I joined Riot. I really believed the hype. And I left so broken I’ve been in therapy for years.”

Devongiehl tweet

“Happy to see all of this finally brought to light. I left three years ago, but Riot still has has a long way to go.”

DanielZKlein comment

“Sorry to state the obvious, but none of this is fucking acceptable. These people should at the very least have been put on a personal improvement plan or be fired. This is infuriating.”

UPDATE: Daniel Z Klein has further confirmed that the information in the article is true (link to multiple tweets), also confirmed what happened to Yonah (link), and made several retweets such as this:

“Not every single woman at a company has to have experience harassment for it to be real. The Kotaku piece was a result of months of thorough investigative journalism.”

In addition, there were questions raised about whether the person in the article could really have 16 game consoles plugged in. Here is proof that it’s true.

UPDATE 2: Riot Ghostcrawler comment on the controversy:

“One of the challenges of situations like this is that plenty of people have been fired for things that were described in the article. I have personally fired people for it (and I did it at Blizzard too). But you don't often go around communicating that fact, often times because you are trying to protect the victim of the harassment.

That is definitely not to say we have addressed every problem mentioned in the article.”

Not a current or former Rioter, but e-sports journalist Richard Lewis had something to say (tweet) about the article:

“Remember how I told you 2 years ago there was an inherent issue with sexism at Riot Games and we'd need to wait for the NDAs to start dropping off before the truth come out? Looks like today might be the day.” 

Meagan-Marie tumblr post

Some excerpts:

“Soon I began to notice gendered language regularly being used among male Rioters to insult each other. Guys would tell each other “not to be such a girl” and call one another “p*ssies” quite regularly. They would casually refer to women as “b*tches” and say that “all women were crazy.” I also overheard a group discussing how a female professional made it far in the industry, suggesting she “sucked c*ck to get to the top.”

“I didn’t go out with colleagues after events because strip clubs seemed to be a common destination. Asking me what age I lost my virginity at was deemed appropriate conversation during a team dinner, and employees I didn’t know prodded into how my sex life worked in a long-distance relationship.”

“Rape became a punchline to jokes quite frequently, including one instance where an employee went on for several hours about how he was going to rape his male colleague, who was his hotel roommate. He was graphic in exactly how he was going to rape his roommate, who was a new hire, and it was obvious that the individual in question was extremely uncomfortable.”

“A senior staff member proceeded to repeatedly call me sexist for not being willing to room with a man I’d never met before. At first, I thought he was kidding, but he continued to make arguments to his point. I explained why I would be more comfortable sharing a room with another woman, and told him I wasn’t enjoying the conversation and would leave if I was continued to be called sexist. The conversation continued, with him eventually saying that my unwillingness to room with a man was the same as not hiring a woman due to her gender.”

“I regularly witnessed lewd comments about women passing by at events, discussing their level of attractiveness, whether someone would sleep with them, and guessing if they were the age of consent.”

“At least three times Riot Dublin employees made inappropriate comments via work email about a female cosplayer’s breasts (one they regularly worked with).”

“Cosplayers have also been called “tr*nnies” and “attention whores” by Riot employees at events.”

“In meetings, I was told that we shouldn’t put cosplayers on stage to play League live, because they are mostly women, and therefore not very good at the game.”

If there was any doubt of the validity of these stories, this tweet from Riot Games themselves washed them away:

UPDATE 3: Katie De Sousa tumblr post

“Not too long after I started at Riot, the topic of sexual harassment came up in a conversation among a few Rioters on the art team, I was there, just listening. They were talking about something that had happened to a woman there, and I had no context for it, but was surprised when one of the guys on the team claimed that “she liked the attention”. The subject was then laughed off. I later found out what actually happened, a female employee received super inappropriate texts from a lead. This group of dudebros laughed it off and made her the villain.”

“I also can’t help but think I would have felt more empowered if I wasn’t told by a male coworker that “Women don’t fit into a male hierarchy.” Maybe I would have been more inclined to strive for greatness if I wasn’t dismissively called a “pretty pretty princess” when my first champion, Jinx, did so well (among a bunch of other thinly veiled jealous verbal barbs). I actually went to a lead to express my frustration over this and he said “Yeah I can see why he’s acting like that, I mean I’m kind of jealous too.” What was that about women speaking up again?”

“Not too long into my career one of my male coworkers might have thought he was giving me a compliment when he decided to tell me about how great some of the guys thought my breasts were. I had made the foolish mistake of going to a Riot pool party, wearing a swimsuit, and swimming. I hope I don’t have to explain how violating that felt, at any rate I learned my lesson, and I never attended another.”

“My days might have been a bit easier to manage if I didn’t have to stifle my rage when a male coworker would explain to me how to make designs for women, and how to be a feminist. Realizing that they believe their opinion as a dude meant more than, I don’t know, my entire lifetime of experience as a woman?”

“Even the Riot Dames email group didn’t feel like a safe space, when we were discussing the lack of female characters in esports promos a senior lead decided to chime in and question whether women deserved to be represented, they haven’t really earned it yet, as pro LoL players were all male. Oh, and on the topic of men thinking women are inherently lesser and must prove otherwise, let’s discuss another gross habit: saying “you’re really good at _______ for a chick.””

UPDATE 4: Barry Hawkins blog post

“The sexual references by straight men directly towards other straight men were a more complicated issue. It would often be homosexual in nature, but could also be sexually aggressive toward your significant other. You might be talking to a leader about conflict with a peer, and they’d respond with “man, you’re acting like he had sex with your wife.” Or they might start a paragraph by saying “Now for instance, if I fucked your wife…” and then segue into what they were actually supposed to be saying. The homosexual variants would be things like “well if he sucked your dick, would you feel better about this?” or “it’s not like I’m asking you to suck my dick, but I’d be OK with it if you did.””

“The next day, one of my former direct reports and her direct report, both of whom I was actively mentoring, asked to speak with me as soon as I could. We met up right away, and they were visibly upset. One of them said to me, “There’s a rape joke in some of the recruiting material, and they’re saying it’s something that Brandon said at the offsite. Is that true? Did he say that?”  I think I took a deep breath, followed by a long sigh. It was a simple question, with a simple answer, but with that answer came grave implications.“Yeah, he did.””

“I will never forget changing planes in San Francisco the following Monday. I pulled out my phone to check email, and found replies to the email I sent Brandon, but not only him. My original email had apparently become a thread with some folks in leadership. I recall it mentioning that hyper-sensitive people who didn’t understand intent were a problem we needed to address at Riot. I closed that email thread, and immediately below it there was a meeting invite titled “Riot Voice and Sense of Humor” set for when everyone returned from the company trip. The invite included the co-founders Marc (my boss) and Brandon, the head of Communications, the head of Legal, and myself.”

“The head of Legal did speak up and asked if we were concerned about legal liability. She was seated to my left, and I was seated on Brandon’s left, where he was at the head of table. Brandon extended his arm past me and held up his hand in front of her and hushed her, saying we were not going to talk about that.”

UPDATE 5: Riot Games Apology Statement: Our First Steps Forward

#riot games #league of legends #sexism #misogyny