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#and some real life shit happened (including a kid I knew going missing for 2 days)
goddessofroyalty · 2 years
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Where did I go!?
So Tumblr deleted my account for a couple days. But I got it back! (thank the gods)
Moving forward though in case that happens again 
I’m going to try and be better at copying prompts into a prompt document on my computer (at least until tumblr starts sending me asks as emails again) 
A new GoddessofRoyalty archieve blog that is attached to a different account of mine for all my ramblings and writings to be reblogged to (give me a couple days weeks to get the full backlog over there) 
Worse case scenario my twitter is GoddessofRoyal
Oh man I was very stressed for the last few days. But I’m glad to be back. 
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B.A.B.Y PROTOCOL.
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Part 2.
Avengers x fem!reader 
Pt.1
Words: 1892
Synopsis: This takes place in Avengers: Age of Ultron. When The Avengers were at the rock bottom, Nick Fury and advised by Maria Hill, to initiate the B.A.B.Y Protocol. Will a young, damaged and broke girl agree to this initiative and help a team to save this planet earth?
Main Masterlist 
Maria and Fury bring you to The Avengers tower for mission briefing and meet the rest of the team. To be honest, you are beyond excited you see the building. You move from your seat to another, looking out of the window, facing the tower. Maria looks at you at the rear view mirror, seeing your awe face and smile. “If you open that window, I might’ve mistaken you with a dog.” You ignore her comment and ask them “Is this S.H.I.E.L.D? You guys work here? You build this place papa Bear? This is taller than I thought it would be!”
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Fury look at you and then Maria “Now she’s excited.” Maria answer your question. “That is Avengers tower. S.H.I.E.L.D no longer exist. Burn to the ground.” You didn’t keep up about them after left the agency so you don’t know what happened. “What happened? Did this moody papa Bear show his emotion through action?” You let out a small laugh until Fury annoyed “Once again you call my name other than Fury, I’ll burn you too.” “Nahh, you’re not going to burn me. You need me. Otherwise, I’m not in this car right now. I said to him and Maria drive through the parking basement. “She got you, boss.”
Fury walk ahead to their meeting room. You stop your track when you see an aquarium placed at the wall. You never see something like that before in your life. When Maria realize that you are not walking behind her, she turns back to get you. “What are you doing?” “Looking at these fish in an aquarium stuck on the wall. How they do that? How they going to feed the fish? Rich people shit, quite awesome.” You said and Maria just shake her head. “We have a world crisis and the first thing you did is watch the fish?! Are you kidding me? Let’s go meat the team.”
 Meanwhile Fury already told the team about a new protocol or whatever. You didn’t hear that clearly until you are inside the room. Fury talk to them. “Since all of you are here, including Maximoff, I have a new protocol that you can use.” Steve looking confusing at Fury. “We already made a plan.” Tony interrupt to teasing Steve “Yeah and a good ted talk by the captain too.” Natasha asking about the protocol. “Do we know about the protocol?” Fury take a seat “No, Romanoff. No one knows about this protocol except Agent Hill. This protocol was created to help the team when in need, and this team clearly need it right now.” Steve ask him. “What protocol is that?” Natasha looking at Clint and he shrug. “B.A.B.Y PROTOCOL.” Tony just laugh while Steve have a serious face looking at him. “I’m sorry. That’s kinda funny name for a protocol.” Maria open the door and you both going in. All eyes on you and you feeling slightly nervous. How can you not, they are The Avengers! You recognize all of their face except one person wearing black dress and red cardigan.  
Fury introduce you to the team. “Right on time. Avengers, I introduce you B.A.B.Y PROTOCOL, as in Best Associate By Yours truly.” Maria added “Also, we call her Baby.” They are quiet and shock appear in their faces except two people. Natasha and Clint. They go greet you. “Baby!” Natasha walks to hug you while Tony look at you two weird. “Nat! Omg, I miss you. Clint! Miss you too!” You hug Clint and he hold your head. “Well, she grows up.” “Yeah, with some food and water, I did. Man, you’re old.” You said to him and Natasha smile “Kids growing, Barton.” “Natasha, beautiful as always. You have to drop your skin care routine, sis.” Tony interrupt the moment “You both knew her? Fury, you said no one know about this protocol.” Fury nods. “I said no one know about this protocol not that Romanoff and Barton didn’t know her.”
Steve starts asking question. “How old are you?” Tony interject again. “Yeah. You don’t look like a baby to me.”
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             You looking back at Steve, smirk on your face. “How old are you?” Maria sign you to behave. “Baby.” Tony sit down at one of the chair. “I like this kid already!” He earns a glare from Steve and you apologizing “I’m sorry. That’s not a good first impression. I’m 22.”
“What is your name?” Damn he is a serious one.
             “People call me Baby.”
“What people didn’t call you?”
             “If they didn’t call me? Silence, I guess.” You whisper at Natasha left ear “Can I not tell them my name?” She crooks a little smile. “It’s up to you.” “I prefer being call by that name that Maria & Fury has told you or anything you want except my real name due to personal reason.” You nod and smile at them.
“Why? Dark past? Major criminal? Wanted by CIA? Interpol? MI6? Ugly name? Kicked out of family or something?” Seriously, how can they work as a team with a guy name Tony Stark? Maria, Natasha and Clint have your back.
“She’s here to help us. Nothing else, Stark.” Maria said to him.
Natasha glare at him. “I suggest you stop right there or you’re not going to see any sunlight.”
Clint agree with them. “Leave her alone man.” Tony look guilty. “Everybody in this room has dark past. I’m just curious, not judging. She’s not alone.” Wanda tell them that he told the truth. “He’s not lying.” “Thank you Wendy. Peace?” You walking toward him “No heart feeling.” You guys fist bump each other.
Steve ask again. “How do you know Barton and Romanoff?”
             “While I was in S.H.I.E.L.D Academy, which I thought a Juvenile school at first, they trained me combat espionage. Since that’s the only thing on my expertise. I wish to have Jemma Simmons and Leo Fitz brain though. They’re genius in bio-chem and engerneering.”
“Why you thought it was juvenile at first? You commit crime?”
             “Duh.” Both you and Tony said it at the same time and again “JINX!” Natasha look at Steve. “Relax captain, all of us commit crime back then.” “I didn’t” Tony look at him. “Are you sure about that?” “What do you mean Stark?” Steve ask and he say “You literally cheated your medical checkup to join the army.” “I did it to protect our country.” Steve said and Clint chuckle ���Still crime.” Fury tell Maria to handle the briefing and he’s out. You ask where is he going? “Where is he going?” “He have another thing to do Baby.”
             “I know most of you but I don’t think I know or seen you, Mr. ?” You ask and Natasha introduce him. “That is Dr. Bruce Banner.”
             You shake his hand. “Nice to meet you. What did you do?”
Bruce seems like to hesitate to answer that. “You didn’t know? New York?”
             “Alien? Chitauri?” You ask him back innocently.
“Um. I’m, the big green guy.” He anxiously answers that.
             “An ogre! Wow, that is so cool!” Clint hold my shoulder. “The other green, buddy.” “Oh, I know. I’m sorry, I forgot your ogre name is Shrek. Still cool though. I watch all of his movies when I was a kid. Maybe we can watch it again sometimes.”
Bruce look at Natasha and then back at you. “That’s, not me either, but yeah, we can watch that, big green cartoon sometimes.” Tony finally tell you who he is. “You seriously don’t remember who broke New York kid? He’s The Hulk!” Bruce looks down and tilt his head to look at Tony. “Yes. I’m that! Thank you for bringing back memory, Tony!”
             You feel guilty for not remember that. “Gosh, I’m so sorry. But hey, New York already broken before you broke it. Can I have a selfie? You’re incredible.” You snap the picture before he even answers. Tony said something “I’m literally right here. The coolest guy in the group.” You turn your head to the girl in black dress, red cardigan. “And you are?”
She answers with a thick accent “Wanda Maximoff.”
             “You’re not from here? You have an accent just like Nat. Well, once she’s mad at me during training years ago.” You remember the detail and Natasha rolls her eyes at you. “That is one time. I slipped.” “Human make mistakes sis. You aren’t machine.”
“I just got here yesterday. I made a mistake. Wrong judgement, I want to make it right. I join them.” She explains and you currently melting, just to hear he talk. You want her to talk more so you can hear her talk. Thing is, you didn’t know that she can read mind. Where is that accent came from? Russian? You ask those questions in your head. “From Sokovia.”
             “Where are you from? What? I just ask-“
Maria answer my question. “She’s a telekinesis, energy manipulation and some kind of neuroelectric interfacing.” “Huh?” You don’t even know what that is and Maria make it simple for you. “Telepathic.” You turn to look back at her. “That is so awesome!” Tony huff at your statement. “Yeah, until she’s in your head.” She just looking down “I’m sorry.”
 Right after she said that, Thor, God of Thunder walk into the room and tell about the scepter. You are amazed and suddenly you bend the knee. “Oh. My. God. You’re Thor!” He looks back at you. “and you tiny female human.” “You. Are. the God of Lightning! I am a fan! No. I’m an air-conditioner.” He smiling, feeling proud. “Thank you, tiny human lady. It’s God of Thunder, actually. What’s an air-conditioner?”
Maria gives us final brief. “You guys might want to prepare something for tomorrow. We’re flying to Korea and find Dr. Chow tomorrow morning. Get some rest, sleep early, you guys need it.”
             You ask them a question. “Can I go back to my place, then come back? Clint can you take me?” “Yeah, I can.” Steve kind of not agree with you. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” “Why? I need to take my stuff.” “I can pick her up tomorrow.” You and Clint said and Steve ask you again. “Do you have a suit? or uniform?” You unzip your sweater and show your Donut Do It uniform. “Will, this do? Because someone decided that it was okay to give a surprise visit when I’m on my way to work.” Maria just smirking at you and Natasha smile “I don’t think that appropriate gear for the field.”
Tony offers you to stay with them at the tower. “Captain’s right. Don’t want to risk anything on the team member night before fight. Stay here, I’ve got plenty of room. Natasha can show you. They basically live here. We have spare shirts too.” You look at Wanda “You live here too?” She’s thinking about the answer. “I spend the night here.” Natasha turn you to look at her. “That’s a good idea. Just stay here tonight. Wanda’s here too.” “Natasha can show you your room, take a shower and dinner later.” Tony said. You look at Maria by the mention of dinner. She sighs “Okay, spaghetti and chicken wings.” Natasha add “And caramel pudding?” You smile at her “You remember?!” “Of course I do.” Clint jokingly say “How can she not, you guys practically sisters.”
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Thank you for spending your time reading this. Feel free to reblog or ask me anything, thank you in advance!
Part 3 is coming!
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lochsides · 3 years
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Yellow Metal - cathartic Review
Here’s something I did not expect to be reviewing this week but when Zayn drops a 24 minute rap track, you fall in line. I had to listen to it a couple times through before I could even begin to make sense of my thoughts because my brain sort of malfunctioned. I have never been prouder to be a Zayn fan. He’s such a nuanced songwriter and there is so much to unpack here.
I think this is the most unfiltered version of Zayn that we have ever been exposed to (and possibly will ever be). I am grateful that he said his piece in this because it needed to be said. As a brown woman, I felt so seen by this and I cannot explain what that means to me. Thank you Z, for your unvarnished truth in addressing racism and various forms of discrimination.
I’m doing a short lyrical analysis below the cut, but the TLDR is that this is a fantastic piece of art that deserves to be heard.
I wish he had released this as an EP because that would be easier to review than a single 24 minute song, structurally speaking. So instead, I have picked out some key lyrics, going from top to bottom, that really spoke to me and decided to study the song that way. His lyricism is hard-hitting in this track. It is beyond anything he has ever released before.
“The planet bleeds, the damaged trees. It’s never leaving until we ascend so fuck the fence.” — I have not seen this lyric being talked about in the fandom, because the lyrics that follow this steal the show, rightly so, but I wanted to give this line a moment because it’s important too. To me, this lyric speaks to where Zayn is at with his relationship with the physical world. He’s out on the farm (about which he even goes to say “tell you what I like, farm life and the tractor”) and I believe he’s happy in his space and he feels connected to nature (also see River Road). So it is a poignant and slightly jaded, but valid perspective that he shares on climate change. It’s never leaving until we ascend. The damage human beings have done to the planet won’t be undone until there are no humans left to do damage. It’s a single sentence that says so much about the depth of the climate crisis. I’m doing my PhD on urban air quality so this is something I care really deeply about and I resonated with.
“And until they stop killing colour, it’s fuck the feds.” — Yeah, agreed Zayn. The systemic racism that he calls out here is echoed throughout the song, in equal parts anger and boldness. I love that he isn’t glossing over it with metaphors, which he could easily do and it would be beautiful in a totally different way, but this makes it harder for racists to overlook. There is so much power in calling it like it is.
“Never lose me to fentanyl, scared when I take a Benadryl, keeping it green in general.” — It frustrates me to no end to see Zayn painted as this drug-addicted lazy musician that doesn’t care about his work, because we know how untrue that is. This narrative is tired and simply boring too, and I won’t get into the racist connotations of it when you consider it against his white colleagues who smoke as much as him but that isn’t one of their defining traits in the media.
“I’m racking up excuses while I’m slacking off on work … it was hard work that got me heard” — I love the juxtaposition in this verse. The public/media perception on his career is that Zayn doesn’t put in effort or that he doesn’t want it. This obviously stems from his leaving the band. It goes back to what I was saying before about narrative, when in reality, as Zayn has said on various occasions, he fights to make his own choices. And that doesn’t have to look the way everyone else expects it to (“I beg you, don’t include me. I might write it on my shirt”), he has his own struggles that have helped forge his path, but it is his path that he paved, himself. He works hard to be heard. He has to. It reminds me of something my parents used to tell me when I was younger about being immigrants: you have to work 10 times harder for the same opportunities just because of the colour of your skin or your name on the cv. It’s a harsh truth to grow up with but it was my reality, as it is for most POC.
“This life doesn’t give you no armour, a lot of myself can harm you. I swear on what’s good, that I’m here ‘til they take me. I pray that I’m wrinkled, at least over 80…” — There is something about the simplicity of these lyrics are the messaging that I love. He isn’t trying too hard to sound poetic but he still manages it perfectly.
“All I've been achieving, clocking miles in this region, moving like a legion. Promise that I made to myself, an allegiance. Do you still believe I’m a fool for ever leaving? Staring at the ceiling, can never put a cap on achieving. I’m just here for the rap, then I’m leaving. // I’ve had about enough of being my own enemy. It’s time I grew up, a long way from 17. Always went against the grain, struggles in my life. Got some things to say when I stand up on the mike.” — This is the only 1D-related lyric I’ll make reference to because this song is about so much more than that. That said though, we cannot overlook Zayn’s experiences in the band because that is part of his story. The tongue-in-cheek of “I’m just here for the rap, then I’m leaving” is hilarious to me. The line about not wanting to be his own enemy anymore and growing up from 17 reminds me of that quote Taylor (Swift) mentioned in Miss Americana about celebrities getting stuck at the age they got famous. I think this verse is similar to that. None of them ever wanted to be in the band and I don’t care what anyone says, Zayn leaving and proving success outside the band gave the rest of them the courage to follow their own solo careers. Sure there was drama surrounding the split but he did it for himself, to tell his stories the way he is now. Whatever else you have to say about him, you cannot deny his authenticity.
“I ain’t dropping this for fame, I need this time, like therapy, it’s just to keep me sane.” — I think this line tells us 2 things, the first being that this song was not leaked. Z knew what he was doing and his twitter likes tell us as much. He didn’t release it for any sort of attention, otherwise it would be widely available on streaming platforms and for purchase. Which leads to my second point, he released this song to get everything he talks about on the track off his chest. Its referenced in other lyrics too, like “now you see where I come from, the world don’t.” This was for whoever cared to listen, not the world. It’s inaccessible for a reason. I love that he threw those lyrics in. It makes the song feel more like a private conversation or listening to a friend rant. It creates a different form of intimacy between himself and his fans.
“Lessons that I’ve learned, I’ve tried teaching to myself. What I’ve learnt from certain people is that they’re better than myself. So I surround myself with real ones, and you feel the plastic melt.” — This one is for anyone that buys into conspiracy theories surrounding Zayn’s personal life. He surrounds himself with real people, real friendships, real connections. I have never bought into the bullshit that he has zero autonomy over his personal life. I love the use of plastic melting as a metaphor for ridding his life of fakeness.
“Feeling trapped. This industry is a cage.” — Zayn is obviously not the first person to say it. Many artists talk about how suffocating the industry is ( which he further comments on in the sung portion: “I don’t wanna be, I don’t wanna be, a part of this, no, I don’t wanna be, I don’t wanna be, a part of this”). Fame is such a wild and unnatural concept and the exploitation and politics of the music industry only feed further into it. The industry being a cage makes me think of zoos and how celebrities are animals on display, when they should be free in the wild. I also really like the musical interlude following this part.
“Nobody’s speaking the truth, I’m offended by the State. Look at the state of the news, I’ve decided the argument, reciting my views.” — Zayn toes the line between keeping to himself and speaking out on important issues, sometimes not very well. I am his biggest cheerleader, but I’m not up his ass. There have been many occasions where he could’ve done better. But I cannot fault him for being offended by the State because same, Z, same. I love that he took this song as an opportunity to real speak out, no punches pulled.
“See I’ve been facing the racists from back when I were a kiddie. Born up in 93’. Living in Bradford City, they kicked me out of the school. Said they had a problem with me hitting the kids that would call me p***, still sit in the classroom, chilling. I’m angry now that I’m older cause I see they treat us different. Got me thinking I’m the problem ‘cause they never dealt with these issues.” — See what I meant about no punches pulled. He said that! He said it like that too. There is so much in this verse that I relate to, it hits a little too deep. I grew up as a brown in predominantly white communities where the colour of my skin was the reason I was outcasted. We know when that’s happening, clear as day. The lyric “got me thinking that I’m the problem cause they never dealt with these issues” says it all. I have many racial traumas that I’m dealing with as an adult because the adults around me when I was a child didn’t deal with racism in the classroom. They do treat us different!
“20 years later, I’m still in the same boat. Tryna treat me like my grandpa, say I came up off the boat. Came to tell you what I stand for. Man I think you’re shit, a joke. How can I be civil when they got me by the throat? // Pushing my feelings down, you ain’t got it like them. ‘Boy your skin is so light.’ Ok motherfucker, take my name up on a flight. Try to convince immigration that your bloodline’s half white.” — Zayn talking his shit is my new favourite art form. How can I be civil when they got me by the throat? Something that I will always be enraged by is that POC are expected to de-escalate situations of racism. We have to push our feelings down, as Zayn says in the verse, because the institution is against us. All of the institutions are against us. The fact that he takes it a step farther to say that his name makes him a target for racism, even though he is half-white just nails his point home. Also, can we please quit the whole ‘Zayn is white-passing’ bullshit. He alludes to it again later in the song (“asian in my face, but still my race you can’t define”). Its not a compliment to erase someone identity in favour of white-washing them.
“My name ain’t on the list unless they label it ethnic.” — Oh, the amount of times we have heard that age old (v. racist) saying ‘{celebrity of colour} is the new [insert white celebrity here]’ as if POC aren’t allowed to succeed in their own right. It is wild to me that Zayn has to deal with this given his level of success.
“Start to understand why they think that I’m threatening. I move in certain ways, couldn’t slow me with ketamine.” — There is a subtle nod to racism (and Islamaphobia) in this line, because of course the brown man is a threat, but I like the way Z turns it around. I also like the rhyme scheme.
“Raised on the benefit for whose benefit? They’ll never learn shit, man, if the shoe fits.” — Okay I might be reaching here, but this is just my interpretation. We all know the benefit system in the UK sucks. Being raised on benefit implies a lack of money growing up, but the benefits aren’t really all that beneficial to the families that rely upon them.
“Dealing with the hurt, they should know cause they don’t deserve it, it hit deep cause I hit the nerve.” — Well, okay then, just call me out. It’s fine. I seriously feel like he’s talking to me directly with this line. I imagine a lot of us do. Its one of those lyrics that are a bit too honest but that why we love them.
“Cathartic, I’m an artist. Trying to put my heart in” // “Freedom fighter, Yellow Metal is my name.” — So do we have an alternate persona for Zayn now? Alright, I’m down. I think these two lines are tied together, because both are mentioned in the song title. (I think of the song as cathartic, by Yellow Metal, aka Zayn, or Yellow Metal as the name of the EP if this was officially released). The lyrics that accompany both title lyrics, along with the subject matter of the song as a whole, suggest that his heart is in standing up against injustices. I said it earlier, this is the most unvarnished version of Z that we have ever been exposed to. Almost like the complete picture to the puzzle pieces we’ve been putting together over the years.
“They’re tryna kill us with disease.” — Why did this line scream out ‘COVID-19 outbreaks in developing countries’ to me? Again, I might be reaching, but there is a disparity between how COVID is treated amongst minorities, along with many other diseases, and not to mention rich, primarily white countries hoarding vaccine supplies while places like India (and my beautiful Bangladesh and I’m sure Pakistan too) suffer needlessly.
“Started something sick and on my mind is what’s next. Just became a dad so now I’m taking all the cheques. Better know I’m staying and paying like it’s debt. Imma get it done, if it’s taking all my breath, sweat, and down I ain’t messing around ’til I’m the best.” — I think this lyric shows off Zayn’s sentimental side more than it does his ambitious side, because we know he’s in this for the long haul. Others may doubt that but his fans never have. But hearing him talk openly about being a father on a song is something else. It’s like Khai added this whole other layer of meaning and purpose to his life and it’s beautiful to watch. I’ve been here since the X-Factor auditions guys!! It makes me so emotional to witness him like this.
“Aint many of me around, p***, I’m just different. Certain stages to this level aint here because fame is to the devil, fuck a label, imma do this from the ghetto.” — God, we’ve been waiting for a fuck the label moment in this house, haven’t we? I won’t get into my theories on his label or his team, but none of us deny the fact that they should be doing more for him than they are. He has the potential to be the biggest thing with the right team and promo because he has a built-in fan base that would go the mile for him. Obviously, there’s also his aversion to promo to contend with and that’s his decision. Even without it, he could shatter every ceiling. Another thing I want to mention about this verse is the nod to the complete lack of South Asian representation in contemporary Western media.
“Don’t know what’s worse: the way that you live your life or the way that you write a verse.” — I’m just putting this in here because it made giggle. Also going to take this space to say how much I love his energy in this song. He knows he’s the shit, as he should!
“Can’t be louder … so free Gaza on my banner.” // “They’re hating on Palestine ways.” — I love that Zayn has always supported this movement, years ago, before being ‘woke’ was a thing. But now, he has a daughter that has Palestinian heritage and I’m sure that makes this hit that much deeper for him, personally. The apartheid in Palestine is heart-wrenching. It’s so strange to me to watch it happen, because I never thought I would witness something like this happening in 2021, yet here we are.
“Like vipers, I see the sly ones, the snake that’s called Biden, none of them abiding what they might put in writing. We should be used to it by now, say whatever for the vote and then just choose another route. Say they’d never kill another unless that brother’s skin is brown. I’m just telling you the facts, if you can’t take it, the truth naked, to bare bones and my thoughts lately, spitting politics.” — This verse is straight up savage and I am living for it! I find it hilarious that he called Biden a snake. This verse addresses the truth about politics, that even electing a left-wing leader doesn’t fix the system.
“I’m Tony Stark, still embarking on a dream” // “Gone green like Bruce Banner” // “He taught me like Ra’s Al Ghul. Felt like living in Gotham, the people were rotten.” — And to tie it all off, I wanted to take a goofy moment to mention all the superhero lyrics Z added in this song, really showing his personality because I’m such a nerd when it comes to this stuff and it makes me wish that we were friends so I could annoy him to death about it.
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theravennest · 3 years
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Hot Loki Take: Sylvie was Right
*Spoilers for all of Loki the series up to and including ep 6.
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Sylvie was right to kill He Who Remains and free the timeline.
I’m deadass.
He Who Remains forced reality into an endless cycle between a time of Order (he rules as dictator) & a time of simulated and controlled "Chaos" (his Conqueror variants wage war). I say this “chaos” is simulated because when you think about it, it’s chaos that He Who Remains arranges himself by manipulating Lokis.
He Who Remains is so fucking sus but for some reason people are just tripping over their own feet to believe everything he says and vilify Sylvie for killing him. 
He literally tells them (and us) that his methods are deceptive and we know for a fact that he’s willing to murder trillions upon trillions of people, planets, and realities to get the outcome he wants. Yet some are still believing everything he says cuz he said maybe 4 things that were truthful, I guess, and cuz he’s cute. Some of us are so blinded by the fear/anticipation of Kang the Conqueror’s arrival, we are letting him bamboozle us.
He Who Remains perfectly and personally tailored the Ordered period of the timeline to produce this exact Sylvie and this exact Loki, had them meet/influence each other, and then had them travel to the end of time...to him.
Now Lokis by nature are agents of chaos and could suddenly swerve left, so to speak, for no reason. So let’s assume I believe that He Who Remains didn’t 100% know what they would choose once they crossed the Threshold (if the Threshold he described is even real, tbh). He also so carefully molded both of their entire lives for that moment in the Citadel. He may not have known 100% but he knew at least 90% of how they would react to everything he said and did when they were both pushed to this place/mindset.
Notice how he teed them up for the fight that ended in his death:
Manufacturing a scenario where they would meet via the TVA’s variant pursuit.
Manufacturing a scenario where they would travel to the Void and meet Alioth.
Kid Loki being in just the right place to give his sword to Loki.
Miss Minutes appearing to menacingly offer an obvious devil’s bargain.
Him slyly telling Sylvie that she can’t trust Loki, putting it into her head just before he gives them his ultimatum.
All of these thing practically gift wrapped that ending to the Loki on Sylvie fight.
Let’s elaborate.
What was even the point of Miss Minutes offering to re-insert them into the same Sacred Timeline with both getting their hearts’ desires there? 
Not more than ten minutes later He Who Remains told Loki and Sylvie to their faces that he manipulated all this for the sole purpose of making them choose between taking over as rulers of the TVA or killing him and ushering in a Multiversal War. Neither of those choices would result in re-inserting Loki and Sylvie back into the timeline.
So what is the truth? Why waste precious moments with a creepy Miss Minutes menacing them in that vestibule scene?
Notice how Miss Minutes’ words pushed Loki further onto his path of no longer wanting power or a throne but desiring to change his attitude about himself and the universe. Notice how her words conversely pushed Sylvie into balking at the idea of accepting another “fictional” life after a lifetime of being manipulated and made her double down on her mission to free the timeline and get revenge.
Sylvie has the ability to see memories but interesting how he kept her distracted by condescending to her and provoking her, just stoking the fire to make her react negatively. (Interesting how he was far more focused on Sylvie’s reactions than Loki’s, most likely because he needed her to kill him for his plans to work.)
Now I don’t want to completely shift responsibility for her choices away from Sylvie. In truth, if she had held in her vengeance for let’s say an hour and trusted Loki a bit more, they could’ve sat down to talk about things and maybe found a third solution other than starting a Multiversal War or ruling the TVA that still could’ve even allowed her to get revenge. (More on the ultimatum later.)
But I can’t blame her for losing her cool, either. He Who Remains made damn sure she would burn as hot as possible because he tailor made her life to give her the personality he wanted. And any other version of her out there who might have made a different choice would’ve already been pruned.
He Who Remains tells Loki and Sylvie straight up that he set them on their particular life paths because he needed them to be “changed by the journey” to ensure everyone in that room was in exactly the right mindset to do what was needed to “finish the quest” and presumably “slay the dragon,” aka Him. (Notice the parallels to the speaker narration just before episode 2′s fight at the Ren Fair.)
We don’t know! Sylvie never enchanted him to read his memories because she was so filled with rage and Loki was too busy trying to stop her, he didn’t think to do it either. And we’ve already established that He Who Remains trained them that way. Nothing that happened in that office was without He Who Remains’ influence and meddling.
Another nail in the coffin that convinces me that He Who Remains is a no good dirty liar is Renslayer.
If He Who Remains’ end goal was to either have the Lokis choose to rule the TVA or destroy it and thus end up with no memory of her previous TVA judge role/life, why did he send Miss Minutes to Ravonna with files that caused her to pack her bags and search for what she calls “free will,” AKA the one in charge?
I’d bet dollars to donuts that when the next season rolls around the only people who will know what’s going on and still have their memories will be Loki, Miss Minutes, Sylvie, and Ravonna. (Maybe Kang the Conqueror will know as well but I could see it going the other way too. I’m 50-50.)
He Who Remains was planning something by pushing Ravonna the way he did. Does he want her out of the TVA so she doesn’t lose her memories when everything resets? Does he want her to go find the Conqueror version of himself? I mean, at this point, practically everyone knows who she is to Kang in the comics, so let’s not pretend that’s not an option.
Another thing to think about...it’s super suspicious that he was so eager to make them believe he’s one of the “good versions” of Kang and all these others are much worse while giving absolutely no evidence of that outside of an interactive blob powerpoint, a quirky attitude, and a couple of sad, weary faces????
Who’s to say He Who Remains isn’t playing the long game and always manipulates his variants to eventually give him the chance to seize control of the multiverse?
Who’s to say he’s not one of the Kangs that wanted to conquer too? Funny how the “pure of heart” Kang is the one who still wrested control of all reality, killed off every other timeline with a weapon of mass destruction, installed a fascist time bureaucracy, and set himself up as the dictator. Sounds an awful lot like some conqueror shit to me, just saying.
Even wilder theory: what if this really is the same Kang the Conqueror but at the end of his life? We only have hhis word that he’s a variant. He Who Remains tells Loki that this fight is for the “young and hungry.” Maybe the “young and hungry” he’s referring to is not Loki and Sylvie at all but his literal younger self. Perhaps he set up this entire cycle of chaos and order so that he can perpetually live, conqueror, rule, die, and start all over again? Reincarnation, as he says...
But let’s set that wild theory aside for a moment. Let’s circle back to the Multiversal War debate and say it really is is caused by an infinite amount of his variants.
I think it’s hella sus that He Who Remains was so insistent that Loki and Sylvie only had two choices to resolve this riddle: Multiversal War or running the TVA almost exactly the way he did while maintaining only a single timeline. Those are definitely not the only two options they had. In fact, I could probably name 1-3 other options off the top of my head right now:
Keep He Who Remains alive while learning how he manipulated time and using those skills to slowly unleash the multiverse while killing every version of Kang to prevent him from existing as either conqueror or dictator.
Kill He Who Remains, take over the TVA, and slowly change it to something not horrific or even build a brand new system for governing time.
Kill or keep He Who Remains, still take over the TVA, slow rollout the Multiverse and kill or prevent every Kang along the way.
(I’m not saying these aren’t also morally questionable options, I’m just saying they are different from the two choices He Who Remains presented.)
But let’s say these options I suggested are not feasible. I just randomly came up with them ten minutes ago so it would be fair if they were picked apart logically. 
So let’s contemplate this, instead:
Why should we assume/believe that a Multiversal War is actually a bad thing again??? Why are we assuming that He Who Remains’ Sacred Timeline really saved reality from total collapse? 
Assuming he told the truth about his motives, maybe he was just...wrong about the end of reality. Maybe he saw what he thought was the conclusion to the Multiversal War coming and erroneously believed it to be the end of everything but actually it was the multiverse sorting itself out and everything would’ve been fine after.
We (and He Who Remains too) will never know because not only did he not show any evidence to back up his claim that reality was on the brink of collapse, but he himself never allowed things to play out naturally. Whenever the end of the war comes to the brink of something, he always panics, weaponizes Alioth, and traps the universe in his cage of Order with the TVA.
Even more controversial take...maybe the collapse of timelines and the end of everything should be allowed to happen. Maybe the natural cycle of reality is to build and build, splinter and splinter timelines, until it collapses and starts all over again from the void.
Nothing is created and nothing is destroyed, all things exist in a cycle so why should the multiverse be any different?
After all in all, in all three possibilities an infinite number of timelines is destined to suffer and die. Whether it be during the Kang-controlled Order period, Kang-controlled fake Chaos period, or the unrestrained natural Chaos that collapses in on itself...an untold amount of people are dying anyway. There’s only one of those scenarios that has actual unrestrained free will where those people get to exist how they want, make choices they want (even bad ones) for as long as they can.
(Personally, I’ll take that over what the Kangs have wrestled the multiverse into.)
I’ll just take this moment to re-iterate: trust nothing He Who Remains says. He’s a known liar and manipulator, and unlike Loki he has done absolutely nothing to actionably show he’s not still lying or to show that he’s trying to change outside of some sad looks. It’s all pantomime, bruh. Like, the pageantry of it all astounds me. 
Is he maybe telling some truths? Sure. But that doesn’t mean he’s not using the truth to manipulate everything. It’s an illusion, I’m telling y’all! He was up to no fucking good.
Sylvie was far more right to kill him than to not. Loki, Sylvie, & team (prolly also the latest Avengers lineup too) now just need to find a way to break this Kang cycle.
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prettyboybarzal · 4 years
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Dancing with Our Hands Tied (2)
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Pairing: Pierre Luc Dubois x Reader
A/N: Hello, angels!!! Here is part two... As always, let me know what you think! Part three is almost done and will be out next Sunday at 8pm. 
Word Count: 2.9k
Warnings: Alcohol consumption
Previous Chapter // Masterlist // Next Chapter
“You’re practically jail bait for these men, do you understand?”
“I’m 21, not 18,” Sadie protested. It was 9 p.m. on a Friday night and you were standing outside Josh’s apartment dressed for a night out. You were reading her the riot act, knowing damn well that it was probably going in one ear and out the other.
“21 is young enough,” you argued. She rolled her eyes as you continued. “If you can’t find me while we’re out, look for Josh. Or Seth. Or Boone.”
“YN, everything’s gonna be fine.”
“I really hope so.”
The entire week leading up to Sadie’s arrival was stressful to say the least. You had to childproof your entire life just to have a problem free weekend with her, and that included childproofing the boys too.
Because Josh had met Sadie plenty of times before, he was more than happy to have everyone over his house for pre-drinks. It took a weight off your shoulders because being in an enclosed space with your closest friends meant it would be easier to keep tabs on how much alcohol she was consuming. And the more people she met before hitting the club meant there were more people keeping an eye out for her, and you need all eyes on her. 
Well, almost all of them. You could do without Pierre’s.
Josh’s apartment was already loud when you arrived, which came as no surprise considering about half the Blue Jackets were inside. When you entered, Sadie gazed around at his apartment like a kid in a candy story.
“This is where Josh lives?”
“This is what a cushy job gets you in Columbus.”
“Why didn’t Mom and Dad force us to become athletes?”
You ventured into the living room and were greeted by an assortment of hoots and hollers. Josh swept Sadie up in a big hug before introducing her to the rest of the boys and some girlfriends in a pretty general introduction. Seth slipped a beer into your hand with a knowing smile that screamed, “I got you. Stop stressing.”
Pierre wasn’t there and you were naive enough to think he might’ve passed on a night out, but then the front door swung open and he was sauntering in with a rack of beers in his hand. Sadie’s eyes cut to yours as he made his rounds to say hello.
When he reached her, he came up short. He narrowed his eyes as he studied the all too familiar facial features.
“You’re YN’s sister,” he spoke. “I’m assuming you already hate me.”
“More or less.”
“I’ll have fun trying to prove you wrong tonight then.”
He stepped away from her and said hello to the remaining few before completely ignoring you and slipping into the kitchen to put his beers in the fridge.
---
The executive decision was made to leave Josh’s apartment around 9:30 p.m., so while you ran off to the bathroom to get ready to go, Sadie flitted off to the kitchen for one final drink. Pierre did the same. When he entered, she was standing in front of the liquor, studying each bottle.
She didn’t even spare him a glance, having clocked him through her peripheral vision and deciding not to engage. He opened the fridge and reached in to receive a new bottle.
“You go to Ohio State, right?” he asked after popping the cap off.
She looked uncertain of him when he asked, but responded, “Yeah, I do.”
“You’re in the,” he paused, thinking for a moment about her class placement, “third year?”
“Yep.”
“How do you like it?” he asked, cocking his hip against the counter. He watched as Sadie poured herself another drink. She sipped it for taste, then added a little more Vodka. “I always got a little jealous of my friends who got to go to school.”
“It’s great,” she answered. “But I don’t think you’re missing out. If you make anything close to what Josh does, I should be jealous of you.” He chuckled softly, lifting the mouth of the bottle to his lips for a swig. She narrowed her eyes at him. “What did you do to my sister?”
He placed the bottle on the counter beside him, fingers swiping along the condensation settling against the label.
“I didn’t make the best first impression and she never gave me the chance to right that wrong,” he answered honestly. “It’s all good, though. I don’t need her to like me.”
Sadie caught the uneasy shift of his eyes from hers to the bottle beside him and decided that he had a shit poker face. 
“She’s a tough cookie sometimes,” she murmured. He nodded in agreement, eyebrows nearly raised to his hairline. 
“She’s determined, I’ll give her that,” he huffed, shaking his head to himself and taking another sip of beer. 
“I’m pretty sure she didn’t like me the first five years I was alive, so don’t worry, maybe you’ll win her over,” Sadie shrugged, giving Pierre a knowing look that he tried to ignore. If he was going to go around spilling secrets to anyone the last person he would choose was your little sister.
“Crazier things have happened, right?”
“Sure,” she said softly. Her eyes lingered on him for a moment like she was trying to decipher what he wasn’t saying. Pierre felt uncomfortable under her gaze, lifting his beer bottle to her and slipping out of the kitchen before she could make him sweat anymore than she already had. 
---
As soon as you walked into the club, you threw an arm over Sadie’s shoulder and led her to the bar. Josh and Pierre followed a few steps behind you as the rest of the group left to grab a table. Sadie’s eyes lit up as she studied every bit of the place you all frequented, overjoyed to finally be a part of your Columbus crew.
Sadie propped herself up onto one of the barstools at the bar and you stood beside her to wave down the bartender at the other end. Behind you, Josh and Pierre waited, deep in conversation about something to do with the team.
The bartender was quick to attend to your needs, dropping your drinks off swiftly before moving on to the next group of patrons.
You were busy surveying the land for potential suitors for the evening, not exactly sure if you wanted to end up in Charlie’s bed again or not. For some reason you were finding it hard to take interest in any of the men mingling around the bar with Pierre’s cologne overwhelming your senses as he stood just a few feet behind you. 
Sadie seemed to have no interest in the men that were hanging around the bar, which made you feel better at first. That is, until you realized she was eyeing up Pierre and then shifting her gaze back to you. She was up to something, that was never a good sign. 
“His name matches his face,” Sadie spoke after glancing at Pierre over your shoulder.
“What does that even mean?”
“He’s fucking hot!” she exclaimed. Her voice carried and while you choked on your drink in front of her, Pierre choked on his own in front of Josh.
“You heard that?” Josh asked him with an amused smile. He nodded slowly, desperately trying to push her words out of his mind. “YN’s blood is probably boiling.”
“I have a feeling I’m going to be castrated by the end of the night.”
“It was nice knowing you, buddy,” Josh teased. 
As you and Sadie stepped away from the bar, Josh grabbed your sister and pulled her into his side. Left in their wake, Pierre fell into step with you. 
“You talk about me to your little sister?”
“Only to tell her how insufferable you are,” you informed him. He grinned, like he always did, like he was one step ahead of you. “Whatever she said to you, don’t believe. She’s a liar.”
“So, she was lying when she said I’m fucking hot?”
You turned to face him, standing tall even though he was basically a foot taller than you. You raised your voice just enough to beat out the music, growling, “If you try anything with my sister, I will literally--” 
“Holy shit, I’m kidding,” he said gruffly, an exasperated sigh attached to the end of the sentence. He shook his head, mumbling as he brushed past you on the way back to the booth. “I don’t want your little sister, YN.”
---
Two hours later, Pierre was wandering the bar in search of someone new to occupy his time. He’d been with a group of co-eds for a bit, one of which he’d slept with once before, but they’d decided to leave for another bar. And though he’d been invited, he decided to stick with his real friends.
It had to be somewhere around midnight when he slipped past the bar and noticed Sadie at the end without any of her appointed babysitters and immediately felt worry bubbling up in his stomach. She was the youngest in the bar and seemed a little unsteady on her feet, and even though you told him to stay away, the creeps eyeing her down from the other side gave him bad vibes.
So, he stepped up beside her and leaned against the bar with a smile. 
“Bonjour!”
“Hey, Sadie,” he greeted her. She hiccuped. “You good?”
“Oh, I’m fine,” she slurred. “I’m getting another Tequila shot.”
“Do you need one?” he asked. His tone of voice was teasing, but the concern was clear on his face. When she turned to look at him, he saw how strikingly similar she looked to you. It was probably the glare on her face that did it.
“I want one,” she repeated. “And you’re going to take one with me.”
“Well, okay.”
Pierre had seen this one too many times before. He knew this shot was going to be the end to her night, but it didn’t matter how hard he tried to stop her, it wasn’t going to work. The bartender brought the liquor over and after some convincing on Sadie’s part, he poured a shot for himself as well.
The tequila went down easy for the two men, but the look on Sadie’s face told Pierre that she also knew that shot was going to be her night’s death sentence.
“You look pale.”
“Let’s go sit,” she murmured, grabbing his wrist and pulling him with her towards the booth with the rest of the group. Seth caught Pierre’s frantic eyes as they approached.
“She’s going to be sick,” he whispered as soon as they were standing beside each other. They both looked up at Sadie who’d taken up residence at the end of the table, knuckles white from from clutching the top. “Where’s YN?”
“I have no clue,” Seth answered. “The bathroom maybe.”
Just as Pierre started to look around the bar, hoping to find you in the crowd, Sadie lurched slightly. 
“I need to get her out of here,” he said. “If she throws up here, YN would never want to come back and she loves this place.”
“Do you want me to just take her?”
It was a good question and Pierre stopped to think for a moment about the answer. Seth could take Sadie off his hands and he could go about his night normally, or he could prove to you that he wasn’t the asshole you painted him out to be. For whatever reason, he chose the latter.
“No, I got her,” he said. “Let YN know what’s going on, would you?”
---
You returned to the table not even fifteen minutes later, already pissed off because of how long the bathroom line was. Needless to say, Seth letting you know that Pierre had taken Sadie back to your place was not what you wanted to hear. 
“You let her leave this bar with Pierre?”
His fingers danced nervously along the beer bottle in his hand. The 6’ 4” defenseman was utterly terrified of your wrath, and had you not been so pissed off, you would’ve thrived in the feeling. “I know you hate him, but he was just trying to help out.”
“Help out?” you repeated. “You think Pierre would do something out of the kindness of his own heart for me, Jonesy?” He nodded a bit sheepishly. “You’re delusional.”
With that, you snatched your purse off the table and stormed out of the bar in pursuit of your apartment. The walk was only about ten minutes long and, quite frankly, you didn’t give a shit that you were walking through the city at night in a short little dress. You were a woman on a mission and anyone that crossed your path with the wrong intention was going to get your wrath, and it seemed that everyone knew that because you weren’t bothered once. 
You threw your door open once it was unlocked and the decorations on the wall rattled as the door hit the wall beside it. Pierre, who’d been standing outside the bathroom door, jumped out of his skin at the sound. He righted himself and stood tall as you entered the hallway unsure of what type of reaction he was going to receive from you. 
You hardly looked at him as you barked, “Where is she?”
“Puking.”
He leaned forward and pushed the bathroom door open a bit wider, revealing Sadie with her head on the toilet seat. You huffed as you entered and kicked the door closed in his face before slumping down beside her.
“Sadie, what the fuck?”
“I suck.”
“How much did you have to drink?” you asked, hand rubbing comforting circles on her back. 
“I was trying to keep up with your friends,” she murmured before gagging into the toilet again.
“You know that they’re all well above six feet and weigh like two hundred more pounds than you, right?” you stated. She nodded and groaned pathetically. “You should’ve known better.”
She didn’t offer a response to your chastising and instead sat up to look at you and said, “I thought I wasn’t going to like him.”
You raised your eyebrows at her.
“Pierre?”
“Yeah. He’s actually a really nice guy,” she grumbled, dropping her head back into her hand that was propped up on the toilet. “Held my hair back for me.”
With an eye roll and a grunt, you stood to leave her to fend for herself.
“Wait,” she called as soon as your hand was on the door knob. “Can you tell Pierre that I’m sorry I ruined his night?”
“Sure.”
“Be nice to him.”
“No promises,” you grunted, pulling the door open to kick the hockey player out of your house.
---
Pierre was uncomfortable in your apartment. Before you arrived, he was too worried about Sadie to even think about the fact that he was in the middle of your personal space. But now, as you sat with her in the other room and he stood in the living room lurking, he knew he didn’t belong.
There were books decorating your coffee table and plants hanging from the ceiling above him. The television stand was cluttered with picture frames of your family and friends from home. His eyes caught on a photo strip from a Blue Jackets event. Josh’s arm was slung over your shoulders, yours wrapped around his waist, both of you clearly hammered and smiling like two idiots who’d been sitting at the open bar all night. 
Although he couldn’t remember much of that night, thanks to the date he was entertaining, he did remember one thing. He remembered the dress you wore. 
It was this dark blue, almost navy dress, and there was a slit up your leg to your thigh that he kept finding himself gazing at. For the first time since he met you, he thought about what it would be like to feel your body against his, to slide his hand up and between your thighs in the middle of a team event just because he could. 
When he got home later that night after dropping his date at home, he jumped beneath a cold stream of water in the shower. He was desperate to clear his mind of every dirty thought that included you. In the end, the only thing that could clear it was release and he ended up jerking off in the shower despite himself.
“I could’ve used a text. I was worried sick.” 
You snuck up on him, leaving him with no time to pretend like he hadn’t been staring at you in each of your photos.
“I would’ve texted you but, in completely unsurprising news, I don’t have your number,” he said defensively. 
It wasn’t like he was expecting you to grovel at his feet for making sure your sister didn’t vomit in the middle of your favorite club, but he would’ve appreciated a little less attitude or a simple ‘thank you’. 
“Her phone was dead, too, and she started throwing up in a bush, so I was a little more concerned about holding her hair back than calling you right away.”
Your mouth snapped shut.
“Anyway, you’re welcome.”
Your mother would kill you if she saw you now. You didn’t even say thank you. 
But, before your mouth could catch up to the thanks at the tip of your tongue, Pierre was pulling the apartment door open and disappearing down the hall. Not even a parting glance was sent your way.
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write-orflight · 4 years
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Like Real People Do. Epilogue
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*Gif not mine*
Masterlist
Rating: M
Words: 2.4K
Warnings: none :)
Request: OPEN/CLOSED
A.N Well, we’re here at the end. Thanks to everyone for reading and supporting. Follow for more and send any request! much love, Cia
Epilogue: Like Real People do. 
The lace of your dress is itchy.
You had gone dress shopping with the girls and you had tried a bunch on before settling on the one you chose. It was a long sleeved chiffon dress with a slim bodice that flared into a puffy skirt stopping just above your ankle. It had small floral details along the top and the sleeves. At the time, it had been perfect. You had felt beautiful, and you cried thinking about seeing Spencer for the first time down the aisle in it. But right now it itches. 
Why did it itch?
It wasn’t that you were getting cold feet. You wanted nothing more than to be Dr. Y/n Reid but for some reason you couldn’t bring yourself to move when it was time. You were standing looking out the window when Hotch came to find you. 
“Y/n, are you ready? Everyone’s waiting.” He says, before pausing. “You look beautiful, why are you upset?” 
You didn’t even notice the tears falling. You quickly try to quell them to not ruin your makeup you just had done. “I just--when I pictured my wedding. I didn’t think my parents would be gone and that I’d have to walk alone. And thinking of everyone’s eyes on me is freaking me out.” You sniffle a bit, eyes going wide when the idea comes to you. “Will you walk with me?” You ask. 
“You want me to walk you down the aisle?” Hotch asks, shocked. You immediately back track. 
“You don’t have to—I should’ve asked before. I just didn’t want to go alone—“ 
“Y/n…” he says, looking at you sincerely. “Nothing would make me happier than to give you away, if that’s what you want.” You look at him, seeing he is also misty-eyed. You nod, pulling him into a tight hug. 
————————————
You and Spencer are married November 10th. After months of arguing over the date of your wedding. Him wanting a fall wedding and you wanting a winter one, November felt like the perfect compromise. In the end, he was right just like he always was with your wedding being held in a forested area near the Potomac. The tall trees with the red, orange and brown leaves falling, the view of the lake and the yellow string lights you had around the ceremony. It was breathtaking. Fall had definitely been the way to go. You also argued about writing your own vows. You didn’t want to and he did. In the end he was right again. His vows to you were beautiful, he talked about how some believed soulmates were 500 years in the making and able to transcend lifetimes. And that while he was a man of science, upon meeting you had been the first time he actually believed that. And that he was excited to spend this lifetime with you just as much as he was excited for the next. You tried to hold the tears that were falling involuntarily as the minister announced it was time for your vows. 
“Um, I don’t quite know how to follow that.” You chuckle nervously, inducing a laugh from the people at your ceremony. “My father used to tell me every time I was upset that ‘a lot of rotten luck means good luck was on the way’. For most of my life, I didn’t believe him. I didn’t believe in luck, just in circumstance and that I was a victim of just really bad circumstance.” You say, you gripping Spencer’s hand tighter. His hand reaches up to wipe at a stray tear that falls from your face. It’s in that moment you remember one of the biggest reasons you loved Spencer. He was always ready to comfort you, whether you needed it or not. The action just makes more tears fall. “It wasn’t until I met you that I believed in luck. Meeting you has been the single most luckiest thing to ever happen to me and I plan on spending everyday treating you like I am the luckiest woman alive because when I’m with you, I am.” You tear up, Spencer hands move to wipe your tears again only this time you lean in to kiss him which he happily obliges. 
“Save it til the end guys!” You hear Derek call over the crowd, which induces a chuckle from everyone including the two of you. 
——————————
You still worked well together. Better than ever actually. The first couple of weeks were awkward as someone would call for Dr. Reid and you both would turn. Spencer would always look at you, eyes shining with admiration every time it happened but after a while, everyone knew to say your first names when they needed your attention. 
You meet Spencer’s dad about 6 months after you’re married. A case takes you back to Las Vegas and unfortunately to his offices as one of the victims recently hired him for a case. Spencer absolutely refused to go talk to him, you tried to convince him to but in the end, you understood why he couldn’t. Which was why, you and Derek walked into his office that day. Derek reaches to shake his hand. 
“Walter, I don’t know if you remember me from before but I’m SSA Derek Morgan and this is my associate,Dr. Y/n Reid.” 
He then let’s go of Derek before turning his smile and hand towards you. “Reid, huh?” He says. “What’re the chances?” 
“Slim, actually. I’m married to your son.” You say shaking his hand. He looks at you in shock as does Derek. You had told him you weren’t going to say anything but upon meeting him you decided you didn’t want to beat around the bush. 
“Spencer?” He says, confused. You nod before getting into the actual nature of your visit. As Derek goes through the questions you had for him, you feel his eyes not leaving you. Once you’re done, the two of you thank him for his time before starting to leave. He calls out to you, you nod to Derek to wait for you outside. 
The man looks at you, confused. “Sorry I’m trying to wrap my head around this. You’re married to Spencer?” You nod. “How long?” He asked. 
“We’ve been married for 6 months and together about 2 years now.” You say, the man looks at you sullen. “I told him we should at least invite you but at the end of the day it was his decision to make and I respect him for it.” 
“And is he doing okay?” He asked, “Spencer?” 
“We’re taking care of each other.” You say. “But if you want to know about him, you have to reach out yourself. I lost both of my parents so family is really important to me. I don’t want either of you to miss out on more but at the end of the day it’s his decision to reconnect or not. And I’ll respect and support whatever he decides. Thanks for your help, Walter.” You say before leaving. 
----------------------------------------------
About 8 months into your marriage is when you meet Abigail Reyes. 
She’s a 5 year old whose parents hid her in a closet while the unsub murdered her family. Hotch warned you before the case not to get too attached and you tried, you really did but when she looked at you with those giant almond colored eyes, you couldn’t help yourself. You conducted all her interviews and watched her down at the station, drawing with her, you couldn’t help the tug at your heartstrings. Here was a kid who went through the same exact thing you had yet still had the capability to smile brightly at you. 
That night as you and Spencer settled into the hotel bed, you asked him. 
“Does she have someone?” Spencer looks at you, confused. 
“Who, Doll?” 
“Abigail. The vic’s daughter. Does she have someone or will she go into the system?” You say before rattling off quickly. “Because I know we haven’t talked much about kids but I know we both want them and maybe adopting isn’t what you had in mind but--” 
His arms are hugging you instantly. “Sweetheart, I’m sorry. Her grandparents live in North Carolina and are probably already on their way for her.” 
“Oh.” You say, trying not to sound disappointed. She was still going to a loving home even if it wasn’t yours. 
“Do you want children?” He asks you, you shrug, silently. “Then whenever you’re ready, I am also ready. I can’t think of something I’d want more than a family with you.” He kisses your temple before rolling over to sleep.
You don’t remember when exactly but you turn off your reminder for birth control. 
--------------------------------------------------------
You’re about 10 months into your marriage when you start to feel sick. 
You’re sitting in Penelope’s bat cave drinking coffee and talking about the latest Doctor Who episode when the sudden wave of nausea. You were going to barf right now. You looked around for something before grabbing the nearest trash can. Garcia watches in shock as you lose your lunch. 
“Are you ok? You’ve been sick a lot.” She says, concerned.
“Yea, I’m fine. This bug going around has been kicking my butt.” 
“No one else’s lasted as long though.” She points out laughing. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were pregnant.” She laughed. You looked up shocked. What was the date? You think to yourself. 
September 14th. 
You were late. 
“Shit!”  You say out loud. Garcia looks at you shocked. 
“Oh my god! Are you--?” 
“I have to take a test. Please don’t tell the others, especially Spen. i just-- I need to find out first.” 
“You told me I wouldn’t have to keep any more secrets for you.”Garcia pouts.
“I know! Just one tiny one though until I can get in with my doctor?” 
“Fine!” She exclaims. “You so owe me.” She says. 
“I know. And If I am Garcie, You’re godmother, I promise.” You say, bolting out her office, smiling.  
Garcia ended up right though. She always was. 
------------------------------------------
You’ve decided pregnancy sucks but Spencer made it a bit better.
Spencer was, of course, over the moon when you told him. Immediately pulling you into a tight hug and spinning you. The two of you cried for at least a couple hours at the thought of your growing family. 
As soon as you found out, you went to Hotch handing him the letter of resignation you drafted earlier yesterday night. He looked at it shocked before looking at you sadly. “Why, Y/N? I thought this was what you wanted?” 
“I’m pregnant.” You say, Hotch’s sad expression immediately turns soft and happy. He pulls you into a tight hug. “I love this job but I saw what it did to my parents and I can’t do that to my family. Someone’s gotta take one for the team and since Spencer is such an asset, I think it’s me. I’ve already accepted a job to teach Criminal Psychology at Georgetown. Don’t try and stop me.”You say, Hotch immediately nods in understanding, putting his arms around you again. 
“You’re going to be a fantastic mother.” He says. You can’t help the heavy sobs that rack through you. 
———————————————
Autumn Alice Reid or as the team has started affectionately calling her, Double A, is born June 25th, despite her namesake. 
You and Spencer had been sitting in the house you had purchased months ago in preparation for your daughter, playing chess when it happened. It was his move when you said. 
“Spen, we have to go to the hospital. My water broke.” 
“Y/N, I’m not falling for that again you say it every single time you’re losing.” 
“I know, but this time I’m serious.” You stood up to reveal your extremely drenched pants and Spencer's eyes widened in shock. 
“We’re having a baby!” He said, excitedly standing to hug you. 
“We are. Now we should leave because I’d prefer to do it in a hospital.” 
Childbirth is just as heinous and terrible as people say it was but the end result made it so much more worth it. Autumn laid sleeping in your arms now, her little fist grasping Spencer’s pinky. You never in your life thought it was possible to love something so fiercely, so instantly. But here she was, your own personal cryptid. 
The team, of course, came in almost the instant the nurses let them. Everyone passes her around Godparents, Derek and Penelope, going first. 
“She’s going to be such a little genius, isn’t she?” Penelope says, holding her little hand while Derek cradles her in his arms. 
“Yea, and she’s going to ride that all the way to Cal-tech, aren’t you, sweetheart?” Spencer says, grabbing her from Derek. 
“Or most likely Stanford.” You pipe up, from your hospital bed. Spencer narrows his eyes at you and you narrow right back at him. That was an argument for another day. 
———————————
You woke up to an empty bed. Which isn’t uncommon, Spencer almost always was the one who tended to your daughter when she woke crying. You told him that you should switch off every once and a while but he would always dead that idea, saying you needed your sleep. He always put you before himself. 
You padded along the cold, hardwood floors until you were at the open door of the nursery. The sight before you made you wish you also had eidetic memory, Spencer cradling your sleeping child in one hand, reading softly to her from the book in his other hand. As you moved closer to him, you could make out what the book was. 
“Spen, we have children’s books. You don’t have to read her Tale of Two Cities.” You whisper, smiling softly at him.
“I know, but she doesn’t seem to like those. Tale of Two Cities seems to put her to sleep faster.” 
“Well, Tale of Two Cities puts me to sleep too, so I get it.” You chuckle softly at the narrowed eyes Spencer gives you, before you sit on the ground next to the chair he’s sitting in with your daughter. “Read it to me too?” You ask, laying your head on his thigh. 
He nods, smiling softly at the two of you. 
“It was the best of times, It was the worst of times....” He starts, you drift off almost immediately.
Finally at peace in life.  
Taglist: @haylaansmi​     @yoruebeautiful​ @kianagilder-blog​ @l0ve-0f-my-life​ @bihoeofmanyfandoms @dreamer7black​ @baby-banana​ @drreidshands​ @blameitonthenight21​ @slyskyeey​ @liaabsurd​ @di-essere-amato​ @oliviamaerose​ @nightlygiggless​ @eevee0722​ @april-14-blog​ @dilaudidwinchester​
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mr-and-mr-diaz · 3 years
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I Don’t Understand Buck Begins.
PSA this is a bit of rant. Not a hate-rant or anything like that, but I do express frustration and if you’re not here for that right now, please skip this. It is complicated and ended upa bit long. But if you’re up for it, I’d LOVE to know your thoughts.
I actually want to talk about this with people. I’m not here to drop a statement like a microphone and walk away. The first time I watched Buck Begins, I loved it. I still do. But as I think back on it and rewatch, there are some major issues I’m spotting:
1. Buck in his whole life has been endangering himself in order to get the attention (dare I say LOVE) of those around him. I feel like the Firefam’s (very OOC) responses to him recklessly endangering himself again only enforced these destructive habits?
2. Firefam’s OOC reaction: In literally every other episode, when Buck recklessly endangers himself the firefam immediately put the brakes on, tell Buck to treasure himself, not to be reckless, to think things through, to realize that the victim got out because of sheer good luck (as well as hair-brained thinking on Buck’s part, but some of Buck’s decision making also really endangered him, more on that later.) The fact that Bobby let Buck work that fire at all in the state of mind he was in is odd. The fact that Hen told him he was for whatever reason correct in choosing to split from the party and go on his own in his current state of mind was beyond odd. Looking back, it doesn’t feel like real moments, but rather contrivances dressed in nice words like “I don’t this often but you’re right” (NO HE’S F**KING NOT!!) so that we wouldn’t question them immediately. Was Buck correct that the other team needed anotehr man? Yeah. Was he right that it should be him? NOPE. Anyone could see that, we could see that, the Firefam could see that. but they let him go anyway. This is OOC, they’re smarter than that, and they’ve known Buck for long enough to know when he’s triggered and more likely to make poor decisions. During it, when Buck disobeys orders and Bobby is calmly just like “Yeah he does that sometimes.” I’m sorry, did someone put Xanax in Bobby’s coffee? Why on earth would he be so calm?? In a normal situation he would never be calm about that--add to it the fact that he KNEW Buck wasn’t at his most stable at the moment? He should have been shouting into his radio and hauling ass, not shrgging and smiling with pride like “Yup! It’s cool with me” like what?? Then afterward, nothing but kind words and praise. Good job risking your life like an idiot, good job risking the other guy because you were so determined to get him out asap you didn’t stop to think. That’s what you do, Buck. 
Like did they really just say that!?
The only nuance that I thought was right here, the only thing that was given emphasis that felt RIGHT, was not that Buck stays behind, not that he makes reckless decisions sometimes, not that he jumped into a fire while unstable, THE ONLY THING that should have been emphasized here, that the episode should have been based on? Is that BUCK DOESN’T GIVE UP. There’s a quality in him that we’ve seen before. one that Buck doesn’t seem to realize about himself. Athena’s moment was the only moment that looking back gives me any kind of cathartsis, because it is the only healthy reaction from the firefam that I saw (aside from them all running in after him--still love that moment.) they should’ve been gentle baout it, but nonetheless should’ve told Buck to treasure himself more, not be like “And here’s our most rekless memeber, pat on the back, kid, we love that you throw yourself into danger without thinking, in fact that’s what we love most about you!” Thinking back, I could SCREAM that that’s the message they left Buck with.
3. The victim: Let’s face it, the only reason the victim didn’t die is because the writers didn’t want him to. They made sure the tank landed somewhere non-fatal so that Buck could still get a win, even though many of his decisions thus far had been hare-brained and ill-advised, driven by a mad need to prove himself, and to never leave people behind, even if stopping and waiting and thinking might be more advisable at some points. In fact, when the victim first falls, and buck wakes up and he looks at him and I thought the victim was dead, first of all I was really sad for the victim, but I also felt like that was the right way to go. Buck’s decision making wasn’t sound, he wasn’t thinking straight, he went in anyway, by all rights the only reason the victim stayed alive after everything he went through was because the writers wanted him to stay alive which they followed with a big and in my opinion inappropriate Pat on the back Moment. The victim dying would’ve been tragic, but it would’ve driven home a lesson for buck, that hurting himself, endangering himself isn’t the answer, won’t always save the day. It would’ve taught Buck (harshly yes, but) that he needs to get his head  on straight in this job. And if he had lost teh victim and the firefam had been there for him anyway, it would’ve been a whole different scenario.
In the episode, while it was super sweet and had some incredible moments, Buck learns nothing, his relationship with the Firefam doesn’t actually change at all, and his relationship with his family doesn’t appear to have actually progressed. He’s still prioritizing them over himself (bringing the parents into therapy since well, they’re trying which is apparently enough now), he’s now been encouraged to continue the reckless streak of self-sacrificing decision making that he’s been on in the past in order to gain teh love and recognition of the poeple around him.
I wish the writers had placed focus, not on Buck being accepting, not on Buck being restless, but on Buck not giving up. We saw bits of that yeah, but it wasn’t as highlighted as Buck ebing reckless and feeling overall like he’s not enough. I wish the episode had been centered there, and they had created an entirely different scenario start-to-finish that (like in Eddie begins, where there were no contrivances, the only reckless thing he does--cutting the line--is something that there isn’t a quetsion in a single brain he WOULD do and should do) where Buck is level-headed, where he’s in some kind of scenario where only he could uniquely succeed in because he never gives up. This episode had bits of it here and there, but ultimately what was running teh day was buck vulnerabilities, not his strengths. Insead of pointing out where Buck shines (like the other Begins episodes), they really only further highlighted what his weaknesses are and then proceeded to have the people around him encourage those weaknesses. Like, what?!
I also think this was the moment to solidify the firefam as his family. Instead, we see Buck retreating back toward a very unhealthy family situation and the firefam remains where they always are. What they did for buck in this episode was something incredible, but it’s also something they would do for any member of the firefam. What I wanted was for the firefam to show up for Buck in a way that he uniquely needs. How, I don’t know--perhaps taking a jab at his loneliness, surprising him with a dinner party at the loft, whatever. Something that told Buck “we see your pain, we see how tough your parents are, how you and Maddie need family who will show up and treasure you no matter what (WHICH BTW INCLUDES YELING AT YOU WHEN YOU’VE BEEN AN IDIOT AND TELLING YOU TO PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF CRAP DON’T ENDANGER YOURSELF LIKE THAT AGAIN, PLEASE VALUE YOURSELF), that’s what Buck needed. An episode that would help him learn to treasure himself, believe in himself more, love the fact that he never gives up about himself, learn that dangerous stunts and running into things without thinking because he bleives that’s what gets him love is incorrect and unecessary. We didn’t get any of that. The episode was also trying to kill two birds with one stone, which brings me to my last point:
4. Framing Buck Begins around the sibling’s relationship, while GORGEOUS (seriously LOVED these moments they did and the casting was amazing, and both JLH and OS played their younger selves to perfection) I wish had been placed in a completely different episode. They didn’t belong here in an episode of Buck learning about himself. And because of the amount of airtime they took up, we ended up with an episode where Buck doesn’t really learn about himself in the end. Everything remains largely external instead of internal.
All in all, I feel like we need another Buck Begins episode to right the wrongs of this one. Nothing has been solved or fixed. Buck’s relationships remain pretty much the same going in as they do leaving. He has found no peace, no resolution (except in confirmation that Maddie loves him, which is nice, but largely external) he is still fuled by the belief that reckless behavior is what wins him teh love and attention of those around him.
This frustrates me to no end. If you feel like Buck Begins did scratch every itch for you, I’d love to talk and see your perspective as well, because I hate this itchy feeling of dissatisfaction and I dearly hope I’ve missed something here.
Anyway sorry this got so long. Didn’t realize I had QUITE so many thoughts until I started writing and then shit happened. If you made it to the end, thank youa nd I’d LOVE to hear your thoughts, whether you agree or disagree.
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fandomscombine · 4 years
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The Hargreeves Kerfuffle Part 2: Family Reunion
The Hargreeves Kerfuffle Part 2: Family Reunion
The Hargreeves siblings x Hargreeves!Reader (Familial Relationship)
BG: The Reader is Number Eight. It follows how you fit into the structure of Season 1 and the family dynamic of the siblings.
This part follows the collapse of The Umbrella Academy during their youth and having the family back together after years apart for the very first time.
I have mashed up the information and some events from both the comics and the tv series. So a heads up for readers who haven’t read the comics, it was hinted in S2 but in the very beginning of the comics, it’s canon that Reginald is indeed an Alien.
The series will consist of 10 parts. Where the reader would have a focused interaction with each sibling. (Eg. After this part, it would be Luther x Reader, then Diego x Reader and so on! –Yes Ben is included)
WC: 4786 (never had I written so much for one part before!)
Contains: Angst. Death- Reginald and Ben (so not exactly a spoiler, but while writing Ben’s scene had my eyes water a bit.) Crap childhood and the Hargreeves being a mess.
A/N: You guys are literally the best! Reading your replies and comments about how much you enjoyed part 1 and are looking forward to the rest of the series, really warms my heart!
>>GENERAL MASTERLIST<<
>>THE HARGREEVES KERFUFFLE SERIES MASTERLIST<<
READ: [PART 1]  [PART 3]  [PART 4]
>>JOIN MY WRITING CHALLENGE!<<
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~
March 21, 2019.  
Never had you thought that you would be back here, looking up the gates of The Umbrella Academy, 13 years later.
There was and still is so much pain associated with this building, this entity, this identity of The Umbrella Academy. That you hadn’t seen it coming- well not exactly completely blind to it. Sir Reginald Hargreeves’ upbringing of children-your siblings, your childhood- had always been shit but you had never come close to imaging it to be as emotionally and mentally damaging as it did.
Children at aged 7 finding out they had powers was great. To a kid, it was a dream come true to be a real-life superhero. It all started out as fun and games but soon, training started to be competitions to outshine your siblings-your competitors whist being told to work together at the same time. It was quite a hard concept to grasp as a young kid, but in order to get any attention and praise from a distant father, a kid would do anything.
By the age of 9, the superhero team of ‘The Umbrella Academy’ was officially announced to the world. The group consisted of the 7 Hargreeves children, publicly known as: Spaceboy, The Kraken, The Rumor, The Séance, The Boy, The Horror, and Foresight.
An 8th child with seemingly no superpower, had been secretly tucked away, hidden from the world and too, distanced away from her own siblings. It was though Vanya Hargreeves didn’t exist.
You did try your best to spend time with Vanya and keep the Sunday sister bonding time with her, but with all your training and missions, combined with all her violin lessons and some other private lessons she often go on with in long periods of time - though she wouldn’t mention what they were- there was absolutely no time to be in each other’s presence, so soon you along with the rest of your siblings slip away from Vanya.
At age 10 was a big year for the Hargreeves siblings, they had kind of successfully protected the city of Paris from the chaos of the Eiffel Tower being a spaceship- yes it did flew away but at least the people were saved- The mission became world wide news and soon every move they made caught the public’s eye. With this led to more intense training and additional etiquette workshops to better the group’s public image.
Reginald being a helicopter parent took a toll on the children, who had coped in their own ways. Luther taking the role of ‘leader’ to heart, Diego with his never ending hero complex, Allison using her power to get whatever she wanted, Klaus fell into the world of drugs and alcohol, Five-the rebel who thinks he’s smarter than everyone even dad, Ben into the world of video games, Vanya became ever more quiet and more to herself, and you-a yes person to dad who calls you his most valuable asset that has ever crossed his path, never wanting to let him down.
Things really started to get out of hand at the ripe old age of 13. Breakfast had been a mess, Five had a massive argument with dad and stormed out of the house. You ran after him, caught his coat just as he passed the gate- the very gate you are standing in front of now.
‘FIVE! WAIT!’
‘WHAT?’ He turned, looking angrier as ever.
‘Please don’t leave.’ You place your hand on his shoulder- damn when did he become taller than you? ‘You both can talk this out. Rationalized things out’ You pleaded.
He shook your hand away. ‘Talk? REALLY Y/N? You think good old dad would dare listen to someone younger than him? TO HIS OWN CHILDREN?’ He snorted. ‘You are daft y/n. I thought you were smarter than this-‘ Five sighed. ‘But a guess you are too much of a daddy’s girl to see things clearly.’
‘I know you didn’t mean that’ You stammered, not letting the tears fall. ‘that’s just your anger talking.’
‘oh but I do mean it. Now if you’d excuse me, I have to get going to prove dad wrong.’
Five makes a step forward but you blocked his way
‘GET OUT OF THE WAY Y/N’ He pushes you. ‘I DON’T WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE ANYMORE.’
As you fell to the ground, you see him blip away.
That was the last time anyone had seen Number Five and his final words still haunts you to this day.
‘get out of the way y/n! i don’t want to see your face anymore.’
To make matters worst from having a sibling disappear and to never come back was to have another sibling lose his life.
The media was quick to publish the news. It was all the tabloid and news outlets seem to care about. The headline would vary but all in all still carry the same heart-breaking news. Be it from ‘The Horror dies in mission.’ , ‘The Umbrella Academy loses the life of another of its members.’ to ‘RIP to teen superhero Ben Hargreeves aka The Horror.’
Oh Ben, dear Ben. Why must he be taken away? You thought. Why?
The mission was meticulously planned and prepared for. You were sure to have extracted all the information on what was to go down and what the villains’ moves were from your vision.
You had memorized that every aspect of that dream- you had 2 weeks to prepare. Everyone was supposed to be safe, but why wasn’t Ben?
Why didn’t reality play out as to what you foresaw? You had never slipped up before. Why had the one time you did cost you the life of your beloved brother? Why?
While sobbing your eyes out onto Ben’s grave, a memory of what seemed so long ago came rushing back.
~
>>‘I’m sorry y/n.’ He said leaning on your door frame.
‘Ben!’ You exclaimed. ‘I’m so glad you’re back up and running!’
Ben was caught off guard. ‘You—You’re not mad at me?’
‘Why would I be mad at you?’ You questioned, genuinely confused at your brother’s words.
‘Cause, Cause I almost got you killed. I am a monster.’
You sat up straight at those words, your ribs hurt a bit at the sudden movement, but you didn’t care. Your brother was blaming himself for something he couldn’t have controlled.
‘NO BEN!’
Ben jumped from your sudden outburst.
You motioned for him to come closer.
‘Ben…’ looking into his eyes. ‘Ben you are no monster.’
‘But—’
‘uuh uh I’m not done’ You held his hand in yours. ‘You are no monster what happened then was an accident, nobody knew, heck nobody expected powers to just show up. It was beyond anyone’s control. It took us by surprise.’
His shoulders relaxed.
‘It wasn’t your fault. I don’t blame you for what happened.’
He gave you a bone crushing hug. ‘Thank you y/n. You don’t know how guilty I was feeling.’ Voice muffled by your shoulder, which is now wet with his tears. ‘I kept thinking about the pain I caused you and I wasn’t allowed to leave my room even when I begged dad to see you and say sorry. y/n’
‘Shhh shhh’ Rubbing his back. ‘It’s alright Ben. What’s important is that we’re all here now. Alive, Safe and sound.’. <<
~
‘I’m sorry Ben…’ You choked out.
‘I’m so sorry Benny…’ Wiping his gravestone of your tears. ‘I—I got you killed. I am a monster. I am THE monster.’ You hiccupped. ‘It is MY job to keep everyone same, to do the reconnaissance, to ensure that everyone in the frontline is safe. It is my power to foresee what could go wrong, to avoid disastrous mistakes. And….and I failed, Ben. I failed. I failed you, dad, The Umbrella Academy.’
‘I miss you Ben so much…’ You lie down with an arm across the lawn. Picturing that is was him you’re hugging, that he is really there.’ more than your annoyingly sweet ass could ever believe. I wish you were here Ben, safe and sound. And if you could hear me Ben, I wish you could forgive me.’
Your eyes slowly fall shut from the emotional guilt you’re feeling but a warm breeze passes through like a warm embrace lightening the heavy burden within.
A soft whisper of reassurance and familiar words brings you to peaceful rest.
‘I forgive you y/n. It wasn’t your fault. I don’t blame you for what happened.’
You stirred from your sleep as you felt yourself lifted from the ground.
‘Careful Diego! You might wake her up.’ You hear Klaus say.
All this trauma, stress and was just too much to handle by minors and as quickly as all your powers came, the same goes for the people who left.
Klaus was the first to leave the academy at age 16, who choose to be self-checked at a rehab centre, stating that that was a way healthier environment then this shithole that was ‘home’.  Who could blame him? Especially when you yourself were planning to leave.
As much as you wanted to get up and leave in the dead of night, you can’t. You don’t have the heart to leave your remaining siblings behind. No, not in this environment. If you were to leave, you wanted them to go with you, to at least know they would have a good life ahead.
Under Reginald’s watchful eye, it would take time to sort the plan out, but it would be worth it.
And you know just the person to talk to.
‘Heyya Diego.’
‘You’re up to something y/n/n and I don’t want to be in any part of it.’ He says without glancing your way. ‘Not after the pineapple incident.’ Diego’s eyes finally landing on you.
Rolling your eyes, you chuckled. ‘Oh come on Diegs! That was years ago! It was just a childish prank—’
Diego gives you the finger.
‘-Oi! It is not MY fault what Luther did to you; besides you were supposed to take the EAST stairwell, NOT the West.’ You say matter of factly, shaking your head. ‘Ughh no, we are getting out of topic. Diego, I need your help and you have to promise not to tell anyone-’
‘You’re devising a getaway plan, aren’t you?’
Your brows scrunched together. ‘How’d you—’
‘I’m not blind y/n, I recognised the look of someone who too is planning to escape.’
You raise a brow. ‘Too?’
‘Yes, Too.’ Diego edges closer to you. ‘Now, why don’t we save the trouble of potentially ruining each other’s individual schemes and join forces. Team up. More brainpower. And whatnot. Deal?’ Offering his pinky out.
You ignored the outstretched gesture. ‘What happened to being a lone wolf huh?  I thought that was your thing now?’ You countered.
‘Like a said y/n, the more brainpower, the higher the success.’ He explained. ‘Say, we do manage to get out or perhaps just leave, like Klaus. Where would we go? Where would you? Hmm?’
‘I… I…’ You honestly don’t know.
‘Exactly. That’s why we team up and once we’re out of here. We stick together for a while till we get back on our feet and figure out what we want then go our separate ways.’
You nod, digesting his words. It seems like a solid plan with ample flexibility before deciding on what to do with your life after. But….
‘Okay…..’
‘Okay!’
‘…On one condition. It would not only you and me. We’ll try to get to convince the others to come along too.’
‘What?! y/n no, that’s too many people on the plan-‘
‘More brainpower, higher the success. Your words Diego. Not mine.’ You retaliated. ‘Besides, we can’t just leave everyone here. It’s miserable here. They’re family Diego.’
‘Fine we’ll tell Luther and Allison.’
‘Everyone, Diego.’ You stared him down. ‘And that includes Vanya. No buts.’
‘Ugh.Fine.’ He points a finger towards your face. ‘We tell Luther, Allison AND Vanya. But I swear y/n if anyone of them rats us out or backs out of the plan. We leave them behind. No pity if they choose to stay in this shithole of a house. They are old enough to make their own decision and to face the consequences.’ He leans back to the bed’s headboard. ‘That’s my final offer. Deal?’
‘Deal.’ You interlock your fingers, sealing the pinky promise.
It was easy to get Vanya on board, as she was the child that received the crappiest treatment from dad. Allison was hesitant at first but after convincing her the real world had so much more to give compared to that of the imaginary perfect bubble she created for herself here in the academy with the use of her power, she was on board.
Luther that ever loyal ‘leader’ of the academy would never dare cross dad, the idea wouldn’t have even crossed his mind. Diego had failed to make him see reason and so have you. Luther only came around to be a part of the escape because Allison had agreed to it.
It took almost 6 months. The time has come. You all had saved up enough money to rent a loft apartment downtown and pooled enough to last at least 3 months on your own.
At 1:00 am.  All the remaining 5 Hargreeves are to ready with their backpacks to sneak out in groups, boys and girls, and meet at the rendezvous point, Giddy’s Doughnuts. There, a van would be available for them to drive to the apartment.
The boys were to go first, as to let Diego deactivate the security features of the house while Luther stands guard.
It was only supposed to take 15 minutes tops, it was 20 minutes past now. Something was wrong.
Deciding as a team to check up on the boys, you, Allison and Vanya head down to the foyer.
Upon arrival, you see Luther with his hands covering Diego’s face, Diego who seem limp as a log.
‘Luther what’s going on?’ Allison’s voice rang out beside you.
‘I’m sorry….’ He looks down unto the unconscious Diego in his arms. ‘I just… I just couldn’t.’
‘Number Eight! How could you! How could all of you! Three! Seven!’
The room seemed to turn colder by the sound of the voice. You turn and see Sir Reginald Hargreeves.
‘Dad…’
‘YOU ARE ALL A DISGRACE.’ Reginald spitted.
‘But dad!’ Luther pleaded. ‘I was the one who informed you about their plan!’
‘ENOUGH! NO MORE OF THIS FOOLISHNESS, BACK TO BED---’
‘That’s right NO MORE dad!’ Shouted Allison. She glances at dad then at Luther. A frown etched her face as she commanded. ‘I heard a rumor that you couldn’t move your legs.’
The effect was immediate. The lower half of Reginald and Luther stayed still as a rock while they tried their best to break free. But alas, Allison had the upper hand. ‘I heard a rumor you let us go freely.’ At once, both men calmed down.
And to add insult to injury. Allison focused on Reginald and rumoured ‘And you would leave Diego Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves, Vanya Hargreeves, Y/n Hargreeves and Allison Hargreeves alone.’
Luther’s betrayal felt like a stab in the back.
Moving on and creating a new life from the ground up for oneself was hard but having your siblings with you had definitely made it easier.
It took a while to get the hang of things, being 4 young adults with nothing. You missed Mom and Pogo, but you knew that they, like Luther would stick with Dad.
Vanya was the first to take up stack, she provided the finance to pay rent and groceries with the salary she would get from her violin performances at the local theatre. Soon Allison would also chip in from the money she received from her acting gigs.
Diego showed interest into joining the police academy while you wanted to get away from the lifestyle as much as possible, opted to move across the country and pursue tertiary education-because that was what normal 18-year-old do right? For once you want to be ordinary and what better way than experience what student life is all about.
Though there is one teensy detail that was hindering your application. You were home-schooled by your robot mom. There weren’t report cards or grades that any university would accept. Even if there were, you wouldn’t want to go back to that dreadful house.
 Both not wanting to lose your newfound passion, you and Diego had an enormous favour to ask.
‘NO not a chance!’ Allison crossed her arms.  ‘It’s unethical!’
‘Yes we know-‘ you replied.
‘But it’s the only way.’ Diego reasoned. ‘It’s not fair for y/n and I to not be able to follow our dreams and to finally FINALLY move on with our lives, Ally. While you and Vanya get to live out yours.’
You nodded along. ‘We ask you just this one thing and we’re out of your hair.’
Allison looked between you two as if to decided whether it would be worth it. ‘Fine, just this once.’  She sighs. ’And this doesn’t get out kapeesh?’ pointing her finger.
‘kapeesh.’
~
‘I’m gonna miss you so much!’ Vanya admitted.
You pulled both your sisters into a hug. ‘I’m miss you gals more!’
Allison wipes her tears away. ‘Don’t forget us okay? Remember we’re only a text away.’
‘Tell Diego that I’m gonna miss kicking his butt when he come back from his officer training, ye?’
~
Over the years you hadn’t lost touch with your family. It’s been a while since you’ve all together physically, but you do video chat every once and a while and you have a general tab on each of your siblings. Vanya is currently the 3rd chair violin at her orchestra, Diego had channelled his inner batman and believe to be a vigilante keeping the streets and public safe.
As for Klaus, Diego had told you that he hasn’t managed to keep off his ~happy place~ and had seen him in and out of nightclubs.
Allison….Well who wouldn’t know about what she’s up to. A-list celebrity with numerous critically acclaimed movies to her name, one half of Hollywood’s hottest couple and amazing role model for mothers. Ahh Claire that sweet angel, who says that you’re her favourite aunt, that smile of hers melts your heart.
The last you’ve seen of Luther is when his journey to the moon has been televised a couple of years ago. There’s been no news since.
 The rattling of the gate brings you back to the present.
‘AH yes, Miss.y/n. He has been expecting you.’
‘Pogo!’ You exclaimed, wrapping him in a hug.
‘So I’m not to late then? Where’s mom?’
‘Grace is with Sir Reginald, my dear.’ Pogo leads you up the stairs.
Looking around, everything is as pristine as usual. ‘I see that nothing’s change’ You noted.
‘Yes, well I was asked to keep it as it always was.’
He opens the door to Reginald’s quarters. There on the bed was dad, looking sickly pale but still alive unlike to what you had seen in your vision.
Beside him wiping away the sweat on his forehead was mom. ‘Oh, my dear y/n I’m glad you could join us.’ She says as if years hadn’t gone by without your presence.
You reach the foot of the bed. ‘Dad…’ you begin.
But Reginald cuts you off. ‘Number Eight. Glad to see that logical and curious side of yours overrides that irrational emotive side.’ His voice weak yet still holds its signature condescending tone. ‘It is your disposition to the voice of reason and mysteries of the unknown that led you here, despite your supposed hatred towards me-‘
‘There’s no grey area, I do hate you.’
He waved his hand to dismiss your interruption.
‘As I was saying, it is of this reason- your control over the impulsiveness that is apparent to all of your siblings who lack control- is why you are my favourite.’
You scoffed.
‘It is true, my dear y/n.’
‘Oh please. You only see me as a “valuable asset”. Remember?’
Reginald nods. ‘I do, but I believe the exact words were “You would do great things Number Eight. To see into the future is a valuable asset to have indeed”. Thus, implying that your ability is the asset not you.’
‘Sure, just rub it in don’t you.’ Rolling your eyes.
‘I hope that you do too remember that also in my own words that you were and still are “the cleverest of the bunch”.’
‘So why am I here, you’re clearly not dead.’ You looked at him again.  You’ve never seen your dad so fragile ever. ‘….yet. So there must be something to do with that. Perhaps find your killer?’
On the bedside table, you took note of the cup of tea and medication. Your brain is in super speed, running through ideas on what could have cause him to be so sickly.
‘It could be your meds…..’ You look up. ‘Mom who else has access to Dad’s medication?’
‘Just us dear, Pogo and I.’
‘Number Eight there is no killer. I am dying because of old age, it is quite normal for-‘
‘NO No but the mortality rate is 350 years for the species of—’
‘Ah!’ Reginald’s face showed of surprise which slowly turned into cunningest. ‘so, you know then’ He chuckled.
‘Yes.’
‘Since when?’ He asked genuinely curious.
‘When we first showed signs of powers, some of your notes were written in a language I did not recognised.’ You recalled. ‘So, I did some digging, it took a while but when I found about the secret safe under this very bed and what it contained. Everything became clearer.’
‘Very good. Y/n. Nobody knew about the safe expect myself.’ He looked over at Pogo. ‘Did you know of it?’
‘No, Sir.’ Pogo admitted. ‘Not until now.’
‘Very well indeed. You knew all this time, yet you didn’t say anything. Why?’
‘Because it didn’t matter.’ You shrugged. ‘The only thing that matter in this household was our powers.’
‘Did the others-‘
‘No, they didn’t know. I hadn’t told a soul. It is not my secret to share.’
‘And soon it will be yours.’
‘What?’
‘Number Eight, it is without a doubt my time here is limited. Perhaps as little as an hour.’
Never had you seen someone talk about their death like this. You shiver at the thought.
‘By the fact that you are here now and had seen a vision of me dead means that the block I had place on you to prevent you peering into events regarding me is failing. Failing as my health is.’
You want to be angry. How dare he supress your power. But you stand still as a rock by his confession. ‘why?’ A soft whisper was all you could muster. ‘why?’
‘Because I had to keep my real identity a secret. To prevent you from exposing me.’ He coughed. ‘But turns out, you hadn’t need to use your powers to know that, as what you’ve told me.’ He looked at you with watering eyes. ‘You found that all on your own, yet you did not disclose anything.’ He reached out for your hand to which you accept. ‘For which I am delighted that at least I can say that I have one child, a daughter to be proud of.’
A daughter to be proud of.
You would like to think that you are strong and independent. And those are true. But that small child that all that wanted was to experience a parent’s love and affection. That emotional support of that small child which you thought you had successfully tucked away came clawing its way back to the surface.
‘y/n’ You had almost missed it, wiping away your tears, you leaned closer.
‘Listen carefully….’ Your dad’s chest was barely moving. It was a struggle for him to get the following words out. ‘The end is near, get the others ……and save…..the…..tttiiiimmm’
You never head what came next. Sir Reginald Hargreeves is dead.
Under the setting sun, Reginald looked at peace.
~
A half moon shines brightly above the house. It had been 3 days and 7 Hours since it happened.
Exhaustion is starting to catch up with you but there is still so much to do.
News channels had broadcasted the breaking news of your father’s death.
You had personally called your siblings to deliver the news, they are to arrive tomorrow for the funeral at noon.  
Luther who had been expecting to relay dad his daily report status on the space radio, cussed at you in anger-those were the first words you heard in 12 years- calmed down and said that he will be there in 3 days, in time for the funeral.
‘Sweetie, I brought you some tea.’
‘Thanks mom.’ You take a sip. ‘Hey mom did you think you’re gonna be alright now that you know…. That dad is gone?’
She runs her fingers to your hair. ‘I’m gonna be fine dear, I am stronger than you know.’
You smile at her. You just can’t help but to think what’s gonna happen to her now that your dad is gone. Pushing that thought away-like she said, I am stronger than you know.
 ‘Now, why don’t we get you to bed.’ She cuts you off before you can say a word. ‘Uh uh. You have done so much already. You need rest especially with the funeral in 9 hours. Pogo and I can handle the remaining task.’
‘Thanks again mom.’
She tucks you into bed. ‘Good night y/n/n. Sweet Dreams.’ She kisses the top of your head. ‘I love you.’
‘I love you too mom.’ As she leaves your room, you realised that you didn’t want to be alone. ‘Mom…’ You called out, almost childlike.
‘Yes dear.’ Grace makes her way back in.
‘Well you stay with me? Sing to me until I fall asleep?’
‘Ofcourse dear.’ She smiles, pulling up a chair beside your bed.
The lull of your mother’s voice sends you to sleep with the memories of the childhood before power. When everything was simple. When there was love in this household.
~
You awoke to sounds of screams and flashes of blue light. You hurry to your window, it shows the courtyard, a ball of blue chaos small black figures.
You pull on your jacket and ran downstairs, the clock in the foyer shows 11:37am. Crap you overslept! But that means…..that the figures you saw were your siblings. There are early….that’s new.
You arrived in the courtyard just as you see Klaus throws a fire extinguisher at the blue light.
‘What are you doing?!’ Shouted Luther.
‘What is that gonna do?’ Allison questioned.
‘I don’t know!!’ Klaus turned around ‘Do you have a better idea?—Oh hey y/n! Nice to see you!’ He ran over and gave you a tight hug. ‘What a family reunion ehh?’
Before you could reply, the ball of blue gave out a crackle of electricity.
‘Everyone get behind me!’ Luther pushes in front of everyone.
‘Yeah! Get behind us.’ Diego chimed in, pushing Vanya closer to you.
Vanya ignores Diego, trying to get a better look herself. ‘It looks like something is coming through!’
The ball of light exploded, the sudden burst of energy was blinding that you had to cover your eyes.
Then nothing, total darkness.
THUD. You heard Vanya scream.
‘Argh!’
The blue chaos had expelled something….someone.
Luther was the first to speak. ‘Who’s there?’
‘Show yourself!’ said Diego.
As a collective group, you walked towards the mystery person.
Your eyes go wide with shock. No it can’t be, it’s impossible. You must be seeing things.
‘Does anyone else see little Number Five, or is that just me?’ wondered Klaus.
Klaus looked around and saw that everyone showed that same face of disbelief. Pleased to know that it wasn’t the drugs, he snickered. ‘Now THIS! THIS IS WHAT I CALL A FAMILY REUNION.’
Little Five who didn’t seem to have aged a day since you last saw him,
It’s been years but seeing him looking like he did back when you last saw him, you recall the last words he had shouted at you.
‘get out of the way y/n! i don’t want to see your face anymore.’
Five looks down at himself drowned in tattered oversize clothes, wining. ‘SHIT!’
Something is wrong, something is very wrong and you know it.
No way was this all a coincidence for your father to warn you about some impending doom and have Five to reappear 17 years later. It must be related somehow…What’s next you thought……For Ben to come back to life too?
END OF PART 2
READ: [PART 1]  [PART 3]  [PART 4]
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Don’t Go Running Off Into Danger, Even If I Do pt 3
Hek. I woke up today and found that my FNP phic has 41 notes and my DGROIDEIID phic is gaining attention and reblogs; holy shit. And I woke up at noon. It’s Saturday. I sleep in on such days. Anyways. Last I checked, Val and Danny were gonna go get Dani, but we need some Dip and Mabs action cause I forgot last night. I will probably develop an uploading schedule later. For now, just have random updates. I might even make a side blog for this shit.
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Chapter 3
Dipper stood off in the background as Danny got into an argument with a dracula ghost. By the amount of times he heard Plasmius, this must’ve been Vlad. Danny looked pissed when he finished. He still took Dipper and Mabel to their classes, but when they tried to find him at lunch, he was absent.  “I wonder where he is?” Mabel pondered.  “I’m sure he just had something to do,” Dipper replied. Some guy walked up to their table.  “Hey, you’re the kids Fenton is touring. Listen, he’s Phantom and I have proof!”  “And you are?” Mabel said patiently. “Wes Weston. Listen, you gotta believe me!” “We legit just moved here, we have no clue what you’re talking about. Leave us alone,” Dipper said. Wes looked taken aback.  “Fine! Fenton better worry. I will expose him. I just need more proof,” Wes stalked off. Dipper and Mabel exchanged a look.  “Should we be worried?” He asked Mabel. “He seems to have it under control,” 
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Danny stared off into the daylight as they flew. Val set down.  “Come on. She’s fine. Why are you losing it?” “Just a certain Wisconsin Ghost told me about you keeping her,” “Vlad?” “Wait, you know?” “I’ve known since I met Dani,” “Jeez. I’ve known since I met the guy during my parents college reunion. I’m still pissed at him for that whole invisble wall fiasco,” “That was him?” “Yeah. I mean, I started it, but he kept trying to get in my mom’s pants. I needed to put him down a peg,” “You made his wall invisble!?” “Yeah. But it’s not like being naked on camera is going to tell the public any secrets,” “I’m confused. Why do care so much?” “It’s nothing,” Danny grunted. They were headed to the basement. “It seems to be something,” “I have things I’d prefer not to reveal to the entire school,” “No one saw your dick. You managed to catch it in time,” Val was confused. Danny laughed.  “Hey Val. Why would a guy have a female clone? Oh right. I forgot to tell you. Dani is more or less my clone because Vlad was being extra creepy,” “Weird. So she isn’t your cousin. Wait. OH MY GOD! Danny, I understand completely. If Dash knew, you’d be dead meat,” Val caught on quickly. Danny couldn’t but laugh at the dead meat. “Hey! What’s funny?” “I am dead meat Val!” “I’m an idiot. Anyways, we’re here,” She opened the basement door. Dani was sitting on the couch.  “Danny? Val? What’re you guys doing here. Shit, sorry Danny,” “It’s fine. She knows,”  “Who else knows anyways?” Val said.  “You, Jazz, Tucker, Sam and literally all the ghosts,” “Vlad included?” “Vlad included,” “And Amity Park can’t connect the dots?” “No one knows Danny Phantom has a human life. I’d be seriously pissed if someone told the general public,” “That’s fair. Anyways. We’re here because a certain Dracula cosplayer told Danny you were in danger,” Val said. Danny snorted. “Dracula cosplayer? I have to use that on him,” “Why would anyone think that’s a good look?”  “My ‘dad’,” Dani said. Thus causing both her and Danny to break out in laughter. “Where does the whole cousin thing come in?” Val asked. “My ‘Unkie Vlad’. It’s his way of making me family,” “Unkie?” Val looked lost. “I like being a little bitch to him,” “He deserves it! You should expose him,” “If I expose Plasmius, Masters exposes Phantom,” “Oh jeez,” “And there is a very good reason not to expose Phantom. And they wear way too much white,” Dani said quietly.  “I’d prefer not to get dissected,” Danny said haughtily. “They already want to,” Val made a noise of disgust.  “How could anyone with a set of morals do that?” “Heh. I’m a ghost. Not really real to most of the world. I don’t have feelings. Don’t feel pain,” Danny repeated what the ghost hunters had told him way too many times.  “That sounds awful, but we should get back to school. Cya Dani!” Val waved and put on her helmet.  “Hey, wanna leave the quick way?” “What do you mea- AAAAAAAH!” Val screamed as Danny made them both go intangible and up through the roof. “Never. Do that again,” “Hey, at least you didn’t end up going through the table and random floors and get banned from handling anything fragile,” “I’m confused,” “When these powers first came in, I was stuck dropping everything. From my pants to beakers,” “Oh jeez. So, why aren’t nerd and nerdette with you?” “Tucker had to go see a doctor out of town and Sam’s mom took her to this convention thing. They’ll be back tomorrow,”  “No comment on the nicknames?” “They’ve been called worse,” Danny shrugged. “And I’ve been shoved in way too many lockers to care,” “I have one last question. Why on earth would you try to date me when I was trying to kill you? And why did you destroy the suit when I could’ve been inside?” “That’s two questions. But Fenton and Phantom needed a distinction, and I knew you weren’t inside. Technus was controlling the suit,” “You are a mystery,” “I’d like to keep it that way,” “You won’t tell anyone my secret if I don’t tell anyone both of yours?” “That makes it sound like you’re going to tell one of them,” “That’s not what I meant,” “We need to come up with an excuse as to why The Red Huntress suddenly has a truce with Phantom,” “Later. I need coffee,” “I couldn’t agree more,” The plume of blue air showed up. “OH COME ON!” “What,” “I have to deal with something,” Danny sped off. 
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Dipper and Mabel looked at the chaos in the caf.  “Students! Hide under tables! Ghost Hunters and/or Phantom will be here soon,” Mr Lancer yelled into a megaphone. “Already here!” Someone yelled. A flash of white said Phantom. There was blue ghost throwing boxes around.  “I am the BOX GHOST!” It yelled. “Yeah, we know. Just say it already,” “I will win this fight with boxes of... spoons! BEWARE!” “Don’t you know not to bring a spoon to a knife fight?” “You do not have a knife!” “No, but I do have a thermos!” Phantom pulled out a green and grey thermos and flipped the lid.  “I will not stay in your cylindrical object!”  “Looks like you’re gonna have to,” Phantom pressed a button and a beam of light came out of the thermos and sucked the Box Ghost inside. “Is everyone okay?” Kids pushed out from under the tables.  “Phantom! Will you sign my book?” Dash said. This must be a cruel joke.  “Ghost boy! The Fenton Peeler is back in action,” “Whoops, gotta go!” Phantom dashed off as Jack and Maddie Fenton came rushing in. “Darn it. Missed him again,” They ran off. Danny walked into the caf and ran over to them. “You guys are lucky that your first ghost attack was the Box Ghost. Harmless,” “Doesn’t look very harmless to me! That’s gotta’ve been at least a level 5,” Dipper opened the journal. “Nah. Box is a solid 2. Hardly a step up from an ectopus. Might get concerned if Desiree shows up. She’s a level 5,” “What’re you?” “We more or less tested it. Pretty sure I’m a 7,” “That means they aren’t a big concern to you most days,” “Mmm. King Pariah was a level 10. That was terrifying. Vlad’s an 8. Convinced he’s a 9,”  “Okay,” “Skulker gets to be a 6 on a technicality. Without the suit, he’s a 1. He can be an 8 on a bad day. I think Frostbite is a 9. He won’t bother you guys though. Dan must’ve been a 9, but I’m not going into that. Technus is an 8, but can be a 10 if he gets his hands on the right tech. Clockwork is an 11, which technically doesn’t exsist, but Clockwork breaks the mold. He won’t bother you unless you end up destroying the world in the future,” Danny shivered.  “Who’s Dan?” Mabel looked confused.  “Nobody. Just a horrible way to learn not to cheat on tests,” Danny shivered again. “But that’s not important. I didn’t cheat on the CAT,” “Your life seems more hectic than Gravity Falls sometimes,” Dipper said. “Where is that? I’ve never heard of it,” “Oregan. Never Mind All That,” He knew the rules. “You know, the way you say that is kinda creepy,” “We’d be breaking the law if we told you why,”  “Jesus. Well, it’s not like we’ll get another Pariah unless an idiot thinks it’s a good idea. He’ll never get his hands on the crown of Fire,”  “Time Out,” Dipper and Mabel looked around.  “Umm, CW, why aren’t they out with everyone else?” “They’ve met Cipher. At this point, I cannot pause time for them,”  “Eh, whatever. Mason, Mabel, this is Clockwork. What’d you need?” “I actually came to speak to you about the Crown of Fire. In defeating Pariah, you gained ownership,” “I, uh, did what now?”  “Gained ownership of the Crown. Though in your case, it would be the Crown of Ice,” Clockwork repeated. Danny looked lost.  “I don’t need to be the King of the Ghost Zone,” “Someone must take the place. It’s your duty,” Danny looked like he was about to have a full on panic attack.  “Can it wait?” “Two years is a long wait as is,” “B-but it went thousands of years before!” “Because they failed to remove the crown and it wasn’t a singular person,”  “What’s two years in the Ghost Zone? As far as I’m concerned, that doesn’t seem like a long time. Walker was gonna give me a thousand year prison sentence,”  “You get some time, but I’ll tell you, if you take the crown, the Ghost Zone enters an era of peace unprecedented,”  “Danny, what’s happening,” Mabel asked. Danny snapped and started hyperventilating.  “I can’t. No. Why? I just wanted to keep the world safe! Is that too much to ask?” “Daniel, you do get time to think about it. Just remember, time can pass however fast or slow I want it too,” “Right, of course. Cya CW,”  “Time In,”
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Danny trudged home. Exhaustion and anxiety gripped him. Mason and Mabel had been concerned, but he wasn’t about to explain everything. He’d talk to Sam and Tucker tomorrow. It didn’t help that he’d had gym after lunch. At least there wasn’t any more disappearing walls.  “Danny! How was school?” Mom asked as he walked in the door.  “Great!” Danny said and rushed upstairs. He’d deal with The Box Ghost in a minute. Jazz stood in his doorway. She didn’t know about Dan, but she did know about Pariah. “Danny, is everything okay?” “No, everything is not okay!” “What happened? Is it Dash again? We should report him,” “It’s not just that. You remember the Pariah incident?” “Yeah, you don’t just forget that,” “Well, turns out that by beating him, I ‘gained ownership’ to the crown,” “That doesn’t sound bad exactly,” “It’s horrible!”  “How?” “I just wanna be a kid, ya know? It’s hard enough living a double life, but ruling the Ghost Zone? I’d have no chance to do anything remotely useful in the human world,” “You wouldn’t need to. If you ruled the Ghost Zone, ghosts wouldn’t come here anymore,” “The King can’t enforce rules in the Human World. It’s just scary,” 
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Aight, that’s a chapter, I guess. The ideas tend to come from random places, and my brain is running out of ideas. I need to do another “planning session” which is coming up with scenarios in my head to make sure they make sense.
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starrynite7114 · 4 years
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Misconstrued: Part 6
A/N: FINALLY! SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG. School is back in session and things you never knew has been occupying me. But here it is now! So excited to finally update! I hope you all will enjoy this one. 
Did you guys want a few more parts? See how their relationship progress? Should we move on to another series? LOL Let me know what you think!
Also, thank you again for the response I’ve been getting for this story.  I enjoy reading all of your comments!
Please check out the Masterlist! I updated it with links that hopefully work for my multi-chapter fics!
Anon:  I don’t know if this is too specific but could you do something about Angel ruining a date and later admits it because he loves them and then they have some angry smut and late night fluff
Anon, I hope you’ve enjoyed misconstrued! It wasn’t exactly how you requested it, but I still hope you enjoyed it!
Word Count: 6927
Warnings: Mild angst, Smut
Previous parts
Part 1 : Part 2 : Part 3 : Part 4 : Part 5
Masterlist
Tag list: @iambabyharry; @justahopelessssromantic : @carlaangel86 : @marvelmaree : @mrsamaroevans : @ifoundmyhappythought : @woahitslucyylu : @cind-in-real-life : @briannab1234 : @fairygardenss : @gemini0410 : @everyhowlmarksthedead : @losolvidad0s : @whyisgmora : @comasi-world : @xserenax-13 : @chibsytelford : @welovethesponge : @claytoncardenasbabymama : @jadert15 : @bigcreatorwombatdreamer : @trulysuccubus : @pananegra : @summertimesadnesswithadashofsass : @encounterthepast : @enamoured-x : @elcococruz : @samcrobae : @sadeyesgf : @briana-mishell24
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Credit to the original creator of the gif!
You jolted awake, hearing the banging of cabinets in your kitchen. Looking at your phone that laid beside you, it was nearing three in the morning. You had multiple messages from EZ and Angel, frowning as to why dumb and dumber left numerous messages on your phone and called you as well. Grabbing your bat, you were hoping it was Angel that was in your kitchen, hell, maybe even EZ, but you could never be too sure. Making your way out of your room, you heard Angel cussed as he rummaged through your fridge. 
Sighing in relief, you placed your baseball bat back in your closet. Making your way out of your room, you found Angel sitting on your couch. He looked up at you and you could see the tears in his eyes. 
“Angel, what are you doing here?” 
“EZ betrayed me.” Angel uttered out, his voice thick.
“What?” You approached him, and Angel pulled you to him as soon as you were close enough, resting his head on your stomach, wrapping his arms around you. 
You ran your fingers through his hair, kissing the top of his head. You waited for him to speak, but he remained silent and just held you.
“Let’s go to bed?”
He placed his beer on the table and followed you to your bedroom. He took off his clothing, leaving him in his muscle shirt and boxers. When he found out about EZ’s betrayal, all he wanted to do was see you. He fucking missed you. It was insane how a woman could change his life so quickly. But it was hard to imagine life without you at this point. 
Angel slipped in beside you. You were facing one another. Tracing a finger on Angel’s face, you could see the sadness and anger in his eyes. He proceeded to tell you everything. From the rebels to EZ’s betrayal. You just listened as he let it all out, his frustration, concerns, anger and his sadness. You couldn’t believe EZ would do what he did, but at the same time, it made sense. EZ wouldn’t get a pass just because the cop was crooked.
“I love you, you’re a good man Angel Reyes, even though you don’t think so.” You kissed him.
Angel wrapped his arms around you, pulling you flush against him. He buried his face at the crook of your neck, your hand soothingly running up and down his back.
“I’m so fucking sorry, I don’t deserve you. You’re the only person who put me first with no hesitation. I should have respected our relationship and included you in this whole bullshit.” He held you tighter if that was possible, his tears wetting your skin. “I love you, I fuck up, but I’ll try not to, just please come back to me.”
“You’ve always had me Angel.” You felt the tears pricking your eyes as well. It was heartbreaking to hear Angel cry. “Just give me some time, and then we’ll be back together.”
He nodded his head, keeping his face buried at the crook of your neck. You felt his breathing even out as you continued to rub his back. Eventually you fell asleep as well.
The next morning, you woke up and Angel was nowhere in sight. You weren’t surprised since you’re almost certain he was needed at the clubhouse. Letting out a yawn, you contemplated if you wanted to get up yet since you didn’t have to be at work till noon. You closed your eyes and before you could go back to sleep, you felt the bed dip. You would have been alarmed if you didn’t smell Angel’s familiar scent. He pulled you against him as he laid back down, wrapping his arm around you. 
“I always feel stupid talking to you while you’re asleep, but at times, it’s better this way so I don’t become distracted of just wanting to kiss you.” You heard him chuckle. “I remember when I first saw you and how you hid behind your tio, which was comical since you’re fucking taller than him.” You smiled, wondering if Angel spoke to you in your sleep often. “I was attracted to you then, then I found myself gravitating towards you, hanging on to your every fucking word. This whole thing with Ezekiel, it fucking hurt me and I had to see you, because you’re the only thing that has made every pain go away and every insecurity I have about my brother seem like a million miles away. You’ve changed my life.” You heard him sniffle. “One day, I want to marry you, have kids with you, build a life with you. If I had to kill one of my own brothers to do so, I would. I would have buried Diego six feet under.”
Angel kissed the top of your head. “You can’t reply to me with that smart mouth of yours right now and I know you can’t hear me cause you sleep like the dead.” He chuckled. “But I love you. You’re my world and I hope one day you want to share the rest of your life with me. I fucked up with Diego, but God, just give me one more chance to prove to her that I deserve that chance.”
You had to hold yourself back from crying. Hearing Angel’s words, it made your heart swell. Sure there were things that occurred that had strained your relationship, but you could only stay away from Angel for so long, and he was so damn persistent. And you love Angel, more than you could even express. You debated on waking up or not, but you could feel his breathing evening out, most likely falling asleep again. 
You could use a few more hours, you always slept best with Angel holding you.
==============
“I hate clubhouse parties.” You said to no one in particular as you park your car beside EZ’s trailer. You got out of your car, zipping up your bomber jacket. Jeans and t-shirts were your default. Comfort trumped everything.
Walking in the gate, the party was already in full swing. Angel has been texting you the whole day, and his nagging got more persistent when he arrived at the clubhouse and you weren’t there. You were certain that if you didn’t text him that you were on your way, he would have come and picked you up. It’s been two days since you last saw Angel since the club had him busy, but he never stopped texting you, calling you whenever he could. 
“Hey bitch!” You heard Regina’s shrill voice call you. 
You groaned, turning around and was surprised by the sudden sting on your cheek.
“You fucking happy now? You got what you fucking wanted.” She spat out venomously. “Your precious Diegito came for you.”
You were still shocked that this bitch just slapped you. Before you even know what was happening, all the pent up anger and frustration, hell, all the emotions you were put through by Regina all came back. You pulled your arm back and punched Regina right on the nose. You felt everyone’s eyes on you. 
“Shit, are you okay?” You heard Diego ask you as he cupped your face, checking your cheek where Regina slapped you.
“She broke my nose Diego.” Regina cried out as she sat on the floor. She couldn’t believe Diego was checking on you when you had just punched her on the face.
“Serves you fucking right.” You heard Medina tell her as he made his way to you. “Knew those boxing lessons I gave you would come in handy. Should have done it years ago.” He slightly pushed Diego to the side and hugged you. “They’re at Templo right now, but I’m sure your boyfriend will be sad he missed you punching that bitch.”
You didn’t bother correcting Medina, you knew Angel would eventually become your boyfriend again. “My hand hurts,” you shook your hand, opening and closing it. “Not broken though.”
“Of course not, I taught you well.” Medina proudly told you. “I don’t even know why Diegito brought her here. Can you get rid of her? Send her back to Stockton.” He turned to Diego.
“You’re gonna pay for this bitch.” Regina warned you as she stood back up.
“Would love to see you try sweetheart.” Angel’s voice surprised all of you. “If I even hear that you’re breathing the same air as my girl, I won’t hesitate to put a bullet in between your eyes.” Angel wrapped an arm around you from behind.
“Fuck you and this club.” Regina stood up, dusting off her clothing. “Fuck you Diego and your small dick.”
“That’s not what you were saying before.” Diego yelled out after her.
Diego and Medina laughed while Angel’s attention was fixated on you.
“Did that feel good?” Medina knew all the hell Regina put you through. You never laid hands on Regina since she was never worth your time, but this time around, it was warranted.
You were never such a fan of inflicting violence, but you weren’t going to lie, that definitely felt good. “So good.”
“Damn baby, that was hot.” He kissed the side of your head after he pulled you against him. “You should let me show you just how good you looked.”
You laughed, playfully pushing him. “So, did you get it?”
Angel smirked and waved the patch in front of your eyes. “You're looking at the new secretary.”
“Congratulations!” You jumped into his arms. “So proud of you, well deserved.”
“Can I get a congratulatory kiss?” 
“Absolutely.”
Angel kissed you, slipping his tongue inside your mouth as he did. His hands grabbed your ass, causing you to shriek.
“Angel!” 
“Sorry,” he laughed. 
His eyes connected with Diego who looked displeased by the public display of affection, but he didn’t give a fuck. Diego could kiss his ass. He was proud of that shiner on Diego’s left eye and the bruises and abrasions all over his face. 
And he still had more coming for him.
“Everything okay with Ezekiel?”
“Yes, he’s going to quit and that’s that.” Angel wrapped an arm around you and brought you towards the clubhouse. “I don’t like how he looks at you.”
“Huh?” You looked at him, confused by what he meant. “Who?”
“Diego. I know you told him it was done, but I don’t think it’s registered.” Angel wasn’t happy that Diego was still here. He knew he was leaving soon, but it made him antsy whenever he saw Diego near you. “I should fuck him up.”
“You already did, remember?” You didn’t want anymore violence. You weren’t going to lie and say it felt good to see Diego with bruises on his face. He was your best friend not too long ago, even though you thought after all of his actions he deserved at least a punch or two.
“Yeah, but someone like him needs to really have it embedded with another beating.” 
You stopped walking, turning Angel to face you. “Forget him, you have me. Just leave him be.”
“So you're done playing and you’re my girl again?” Angel smirked.
“Maybe.” You mischievously smiled at him. “Come on, I’m starving.” You pulled him towards the clubhouse so you could get some food.
“For my dick?”
“Angel!”
“You know you missed my dick, let's just skip this shit and go home.” He pulled you flushed against him, your back to his front. “I know I’ve missed the sight of your pussy, especially the taste, the feel, how fucking tight you are.” He whispered the last sentence in your ear, his hot breath against your skin. You felt a shiver go up your spine. You weren’t going to lie that his dirty mouth didn’t make you wet, but you had to at least be here for a few hours. “Come on baby, I’m the new El Secretario, you should give me congratulatory sex.”
“Behave,” you moved away from him, Angel watching as you walked in front of him.
He whistled. “God you’re fucking ass is a thing of beauty baby.”
You shook your head, laughing. Angel was too much at times, but you love him. 
You were sitting on Angel’s lap, sharing a beer with some of the members and your tio. They were busting jokes about Creepers nonexistent love life. You love hanging with the guys, they were absolutely hilarious and they always involved you in their conversations. They never held back and if they did say something out of line they always apologized.
“You having fun?” Angel checked in with you all the time. He knew too much socializing exhausted you, so he wanted to make sure you were still good.
“Yes, I’m good babe, thanks for checking.” You kissed his cheek.
Bishop looked over Angel, nodding his head towards the clubhouse. 
“Can you get me another beer baby?” Angel requested of you, understanding his gesture.
“Sure.” 
Once you were inside, Bishop leaned over to speak to Angel. “I set up dinner with Diego tomorrow. We finish this whole bullshit with my niece and him tomorrow. If he so much even looks her way, he’s done.” 
Before Templo, Bishop and Angel had a lengthy discussion about Diego and what they wanted to do with his past indiscretions. They both knew you wouldn’t exactly be happy with kicking Diego out of the club, it’s been too long. But, that doesn’t mean they couldn’t threaten him to fuck off. Angel would talk to you first, not wanting to have a misstep in your relationship again. 
“Got it prez, we both know I want this to end.” Angel sat back, taking out his cigarette and getting a stick. He lit it up and took a drag. “I don’t like it when he’s around her. He always looks at her with such fucking hope and he could go fuck himself.”
“Then make it known to him that whatever it was with her, it’s fucking done.” 
“Gladly.” 
You returned, handing him his beer. You were going to take the chair beside him, but Angel pulled you down to sit on his lap again. “Baby, you ain’t sitting anywhere else when my lap is readily available.”
“You’re so needy.”
“I got you back baby, you better get used to it. You know how I am, all about affections.” Angel kissed your cheek, before turning his attention to Creeper.
“You want to go home?” You whispered into Angel’s ear. 
His gaze turned towards you, already darkened by your suggestion.
“We’re gonna head out.” 
==============
“Fuck baby, just like that.” Angel watched as you wrapped your mouth around his cock, bobbing your head up and down. Your hair was wrapped around his hand, guiding you on how to suck his cock.
He followed you home on his bike, immediately going to your place instead of his. You took out your sewing kit to sew Angel’s patch on his kute. You sat on his lap as you did, his hands gripping your thigh. You felt him getting harder as you sewed his patch on. He looked at you, biting his lips as you concentrated to not poke his skin.
As soon as you were done, he had you on your knees and sucking his dick. You’ve been at it for a good thirty minutes and the way you were sucking his dick like a fucking pro was making him come closer to his climax. He was proud that he taught you everything you fucking know.
“Get up,” he pulled you up, putting his hands under your ass and lifting you up. You wrapped your legs around his waist, your lips meeting his. 
He walked you to your bedroom, gently placing you on the bed. Your lips were swollen, making Angel groan. He loved sharing intimate moments with you because he knew no one else has and he planned on keeping it that way. Slipping off his jeans he threw them to the side and walked over to you with a predatory gaze. You removed your shirt as you moved back towards the headboard.
Angel grabbed your ankle, pulling you back to the edge of your bed, making you laugh. He unbuttoned your jeans and pulled them off. You were only in your bra and panties, Angel’s eyes roaming your body. He smirked, licking his lips.
“You look fucking beautiful amor.” He kneeled by the edge of your bed, pulling you so that your legs were hanging on his shoulders. “I’ve missed your scent baby, it would drive any man crazy.” His fingers ran up and down your inner thigh, his touch alone made you shiver. You shifted so that he would move towards where you wanted him faster, but he was purposely making you wait. “I love you.”
“I love you.” You breathed out. “Angel, stop teasing me.”
Angel chuckled, grabbing a hold of your panties and pulling them off. He spread your lips, licking his as he saw your glistening cunt.
“I will never tire at the sight of this.” He pulled you towards him, his tongue lapping at your sensitive nub as soon as he was closed enough.
Your back arched, hands grabbing the sheets underneath them. You whimpered out his name as he began his assault, moving his tongue down to your entrance and sliding it in. 
“You’re so fucking good at this.” A pleased hum was released from your lips, your hand gripping his hair. Your hips gyrating against his tongue.
He placed a hand on your hips, holding you down. He slipped a finger inside you with his other hand, pulling his mouth away. His eyes were trained on your reaction to every move he did on you, he loved watching you, memorizing your reaction to everything he did, it was so fucking satisfying for him. 
“Look at me baby,” he commanded. 
You tried your best to open your eyes and when you did, you saw that sexy smirk on Angel’s lips, you felt your stomach tightening up, your orgasm was close. You wondered if it was always like this for other people. The intensity, how good it felt, this was driving you crazy.
“I’m cumming.” You choked out. You grabbed on Angel’s hand that was on your hip, intertwining your fingers. 
“Fuck baby, you’re drenched.” Angel lapped at your juices, causing your eyes to roll back, a loud moan escaping your lips as he did. “I fucking missed you baby, not having you in my arms was fucking torture.” He pulled away from you, instructing you to move back to the center of the bed. He crawled after you, kneeling in front of you. Coating the tip of his dick with your wetness, you whimpered at the contact. “You ready baby?” He didn’t want to overwhelm you, he wanted to always make you feel good. He knew that after an orgasm, you needed some time to adjust. Learning your quirks was his favorite thing to do. 
“Condom.” It was the only thing you could say, your mind still in a haze.
“A condom?” Angel chuckled, shaking his head. “You know you love it when I enter you bare, I haven’t been with anyone since we started everything, I told you, no one could even get me hard anymore besides you.” He ran his tip up and down your slit, slightly slipping in before pulling back out making you groan. “Come on baby, you know you love it when I enter you bare, just your warmth enveloping mine.” He sucked in that spot on your neck, making you even hotter, wetter. His hand moved up your body, settling on your breast, squeezing it. “It’s just you and me right?”
“Yes.”
“Don’t you like it when I enter you bare, nothing separating us?” He slipped his tip again, and you have to agree, it did feel good, but you’ve never used a condom with Angel either. 
“Okay, just please fuck me.”
Angel let out a low chuckle, the low timber of his voice alone could make you cum. He entered you, watching as his dick slipped in, inch by inch, rubbing your clit to heightened your pleasure making it easier to slip in. “Fuck baby, I love watching how you stretch out cause of me. You like the feel baby, when I fucking stretch you out?”
You nod your head, scratching at his chest. “Harder.”
“Harder? I got you baby girl.” Angel thrusted into you harder, keeping his pace moderate to keep this going. He didn’t want this to end yet. He wanted you to cum as much as possible, penance for the way things played out with Diego. You tightened up around him, making Angel groan. “Jesus fucking Christ querida, I love how I can make you cum.” He stopped moving, keeping his cock buried inside you as he rubbed your clit, your orgasm hitting you. You gripped him tightly and he moaned along with you. 
“Does it always feel this good?”
“Only with me baby.” Angel slipped out of you, turning you on your stomach. “Stick your ass out, chest on the bed.” He slipped right back in, and he felt different for you. You two haven’t truly experimented with different positions yet, but this has to be one of your favorites.
“You feel so deep.” You grabbed the sheets again, your cheek against the mattress. “This shouldn’t feel this good.”
“But it does baby, you always take me so fucking well cause you’re fucking made for me.” Angel thrusted in and out, slow then fast, slow then fast, the alternating pace felt so good. “You ever let Diego in baby? You let that motherfucker touch what’s mine?”
You shook your head. You don’t know why, but you loved it when Angel called you his, it turned you on so much and the way he said it with such authority. You gasped as Angel drove into you harder. 
“Use your voice mi dulce, let me hear your answer.”
“No, just you.”
“I would have killed him for you. It drove me crazy knowing he was in here with you.” Angel felt a certain type of possession over you. Besides the fact that Angel was never the type of person to share someone he cherished dearly, but you love him and only him. You gave him something that you saved for the right person and he would never forget that. For the short amount of time you two knew one another, he got to know you so well as well. And how deeply he felt for you, it was suffocating at times and he couldn’t breathe till he was near you. He never knew love could this be fucking intense, but he was basking on it.
It drove him fucking insane, but he wouldn’t have it any other way. 
“He’s nothing to me.” 
Angel pulled you up by your hair, your back against his chest. “Damn fucking right he’s nothing to you. You’re everything to me.” He told you, his voice so warm and soft.
“You are to me too.”
Angel wrapped his arm around your chest, holding you against him as he thrusted into you. He was going faster and you felt yourself tightening up again. “Keep going Angel, fuck.” Hearing his breath against your ear, grunting, it was turning to fucking on. The way he held you tightly against him, it was even better. 
“I love it when you tighten up around me, cause I know you’re about to cum.” He pulled out making you whine. “But not yet.”
“Fuck, Angel.” You whimpered out.
Angel maneuvered you on your back again wasting no time to slip back inside you. “I need to see your face when you cum.” He leaned his forehead against yours, kissing you, sucking your bottom lip into his mouth. “I love your fucking mouth.” Intertwining your hands on either side of your head, Angel’s thrust was becoming sloppier so you knew his climax was near. You loved feeling his weight on you, it made it that much more intimate. “I’m cumming baby you almost there?”
You nodded your head. “Fuck, this feels so good.” You we’re already at the brink before and now you feel it coming again. Angel thrusted a few more times, burying deep into you when he came. You arched your back, his name coming out as a chant as you felt your legs quiver. 
Angel begrudgingly pulled out, a sigh escaping both of your lips when he did. “You want to shower baby?”
You shook your head, you couldn’t even keep your eyes open. Orgasms always made you feel spent, tired, all you wanted to do was sleep. You heard Angel chuckle as he cleaned you up. You used the last of your strength to go under your covers, Angel joining you shortly after. 
“Te amo mi alma.” You heard Angel whisper into your hair. “We have dinner with Bish tomorrow, is that cool?”
“Dinner? For what?”
“Just a family gathering.”
==============
Angel helped you off his bike, taking off your helmet for you. He got you a helmet a few months back for Christmas. You weren’t sure why he got it for you, but he always told you how he wanted to give you a ride on his bike. You’ve ridden with him before and you always enjoyed it, loving the feel of the air against your skin. It was so freeing.
“Before we go in, I want to talk to you about something.” Angel placed his hands on your hips.
“What’s up?” You had your hands on his flannel under his kute, playing with the ends of his shirt.
“Diego is here.” He should have spoken to you before coming here, but he was too distracted with your mouth around his cock. 
“I saw his bike,” you nodded towards Diego’s bike.
“Okay smartass.” Angel rolled his eyes. 
You both laughed. 
“I’m guessing Diego being here for a family gathering isn’t exactly a coincidence.” You noticed Taza, Coco and Tranq’s bike next to Diego’s. “Please don’t tell me you’re going to fuck him up again.”
“No, corazon, listen, Diego needs to understand that whatever you two had way back when, it’s fucking done and it’s never coming back.” Angel explained. 
“What are you going to do?” You were afraid to ask. Again, Diego got the beating he deserved from Angel already, you knew that Angel was itching to do it again, but you didn’t think it was necessary. Whatever Diego did, it was a distant memory now, especially with you being with Angel. Diego was like a bittersweet memory that you no longer cared for. 
“Your tio wants to assure that this shit with Diego is done, that when he goes back to Stockton, he doesn’t look back hoping you’re going to come for him.” Angel assessed your reaction and was relieved that you didn’t seem to care much. You were just waiting for him to get to the point. You agreed that your chapter with Diego should be closed, but you felt that this was something that was understood. There didn’t need to be this extra meeting about it.
“This is unnecessary, I feel like this is something that was handled a week or so ago.” You reasoned. “Angel, I love you, I’m with you, is that not enough?”
“This isn’t about me. This is about all the shit that happened years ago that you let slide due to your feelings and kindness, but we’re done with that baby. You don’t want to give Diego hope that somewhere down the road there’s a chance for you and him.” Angel was hesitant to talk about the future with you since he didn’t want to scare you off. Your relationship was quite new even though you two have known each other for a few years. But you were it for him, this was it. “I love you, I have no plans of letting you go and I hope you feel the same way.” God he hoped you did.
“Of course I do, I love you Angel. But I think that I’ve moved on from this whole thing with Diego, it isn’t an issue.” Maybe you were downplaying it, but you were with Angel and you weren’t one to cheat. And you’re quite certain that there was no longer a friendship between you and Diego. There was too much hurt associated in your relationship. “What are you going to do?”
“Give Diego an ultimatum, if he wants to remain a Mayan, he can’t contact you or speak to you unless you initiate it. But if he wants to keep on trying my patience and pursue you, then he’s stripped of his patch.”
“Santo Padre isn’t his charter.”
“Yeah well El Padrino signed off on it before he left. Ramos has no choice if Diego decides to give up his patch.”
You bit your lip, moving away from Angel. You wouldn’t want them to take away Diego’s patches from him. Regardless of how much he was favored because of you, he worked hard for them. 
“Mi dulce, you don’t seem happy.” He frowned.
“This is why I didn’t want to bring this up. I don’t want him to lose his patch over me, he worked hard for those. Yeah, Diego is an asshole and what happened three years ago was painful, but it’s done. I’ve moved on, isn’t that enough for everyone else to do so?” You didn’t understand why they were so hellbent on punishing Diego. Like what your Tio Bishop said, his punishment was losing you or whatever reasoning he had given you. 
“Why are you protecting him?” Angel was starting to become irritated by your response. Did you not want Diego to stop speaking to you?
“I’m not protecting him.”
“Sure fucking seems like it.”
You sighed. “I don’t want to argue Angel.”
“What’s there to argue about, you obviously want to keep fucking talking to the prick.” Ange made his way towards the front door, leaving you by his bike. He was trying to push his temper down. You two just recently made up and now, well, you were being fucking unreasonable.
“Angel,” you groaned. “That’s not what it is. You know how much I hate drama and how I deviate away from the center of attention, I don’t fucking want this for him. He was my friend once, I’m not going to lie to you and say I don’t care about him anymore, not as much as before, but I know the club is his life.”
“That’s not the fucking point. He humiliated you years ago, you gave up so much for him just to let that bitch treat you the way she did. I’m trying to protect you here, to make sure he could never hurt you again.”
“But he can’t hurt me anymore cause I don’t care about him anymore. I’m not trying to protect him, I just don’t want someone to lose their place because of me.”
“Well he shouldn’t have fucking gotten it in the first place!” Angel didn’t mean to yell at you, but it was frustrating him how you couldn’t see why they were doing what they were doing. “Why can’t you put some value in yourself? You mean the world to so many people, I know you don’t want fighting battles for you, but this isn’t a battle. It’s removing a problem. You know Diego well, he’s not going to give up on you.”
“He told me he would.” That was a weak argument. Even though he did tell you he was going to give up, that he was going to walk away, you weren’t exactly sure how much of that was true. 
“When I realized that I love you, I knew I would never give you up. His feelings are not as intense as mine, but if his desire is as great as mine to keep you around, then he’s not going to give up just cause he claims he would. I’m sure he’s holding off that you two could become friends.” 
“You don’t know him Angel.”
“And you fucking do? Querida, why the fuck are we even discussing this? Plans already in motion, he stays the fuck away, he keeps his patch, if he doesn’t then he’s signing his death warrant.” It was simple for Angel. He didn’t care for Diego, it was just irritating him that it seemed that you did. 
“Then I’m not going inside.”
“Fine, don’t.”
You watched as Angel walked in, leaving you outside. You saw Diego by the window, looking out at you. Angel passed by him, giving you one last look before walking away from the window. You really didn’t care about Diego, but you weren’t going to let him get hurt again. He was your friend long ago, you weren’t the type of person to just stand by knowing something awful away about to happen. 
Walking to the front door, you opened it and Diego was right there to greet you. 
“Can you take me home?” You questioned, trying to keep your voice low so that none of the other members would hear.
“Yeah, sure.” He gave you an odd, confused look but took his helmet.
“Where the fuck are you going?” You heard Angel question.
“I’m going home, Diego can take me home.” 
“The fuck you are.” Angel was livid before but he was beyond it now. You wanted to go home, that’s fine, he would rather not have you hear when he fucking beat him again, but there was no fucking way Diego was taking you home. “Coco can take you home.”
“No, Diego is going to take me home. Is that okay tio?” Angel just chuckled, irritated that you would use your tio knowing he didn’t have authority over that.
Bishop knew that you wouldn’t be in agreement with their plan. He agreed to this to make up for not doing anything all those years ago and to appease Angel. He was protective over you and Bishop was glad that you found someone who cared for you as much as Angel did. This wasn’t going to blow over for Angel or Diego till Angel made it clear that you were off limits and Diego would stay away.
But at the same time, maybe it would be better for you to tell Diego to stay away. As stupid as Diego was, he knew how to follow orders. If you simply asked him to stay away, he would. And if it didn’t work then Angel could beat it in him.
“Yeah, of course sweetheart.”
“No, I can take her home.” Angel wasn’t going to let Diego take you home. 
Diego stood in front of you, further aggravating Angel.
“Get the fuck out of my way. She’s my girlfriend, if I want to bring her home, then I’ll fucking do it.” Angel got into Diego’s face. You knew that things were going to pop off soon. Angel was already pissed and Diego’s demeanor was definitely not helping. 
“Y/N, do you want Angel to take you home?”
“No, you can take me home.” You knew that was a mistake, but you were trying to save bloodshed here. Angel spoke about putting a bullet in him all the time and the last thing you wanted was another body for Angel to bury. “I just need to talk to him Angel.”
“Then talk to him outside, you’re not fucking leaving.”
You sighed. 
Compromise. 
Compromise. 
“Fine, I can do that.” 
Diego followed you outside and you both sat on the steps of your tio’s porch. You rested your arms on your knees, your foot tapping as the anxiety of talking to Diego overtook you. 
“You okay?” Diego knew what you were going to say. It didn’t escape him how suspicious it was that only certain people were here tonight, but he knew what was coming and he deserved it.
“I want you to know that you were my best friend. All the times we spent together the good, the bad, and the ugly, I cherished them because they’ve taught me plenty of things.” You purses your lips, trying your best to keep your foot from shaking up and down. “But we’ve also grown apart.” Looking at him, you knew that he knew what you were trying to say. That it wasn’t ideal, but he understood. 
“You remember when we graduated high school and we talked about what we wanted out of life?” Your eyebrows furrowed, trying to recall the memory he spoke of. You vaguely remember it since you were quite tipsy. 
“Not really. Did you record it?” You teased.
Diego chuckled. “Well, it’s cause you’re a lightweight.” He ruffled your hair. “But you talked about what you wanted for the future, that you wanted to leave Stockton, go down south. How you wanted to get married, have kids, get a decent job. And you know what you said that really stuck to me?”
“What?”
“That you wanted to be happy. And at first I thought I could make you happy, that’s not a problem whatsoever. But I realize how many times I’ve hurt you, failed to protect you. Then I tried to ruin your relationship with Angel because I thought I could finally make you happy like I wanted to do so all those years ago. To make it up to you.” Diego bitterly smiled. “Guess I’m too late right?”
Your eyes began to water. All the things you’ve wanted to hear from Diego was happening, you weren’t making it up in your head. But you missed your friendship with Diego, you two had a solid friendship before feelings were out in place. But things couldn’t be the same anymore, things were just so different now. 
“Yeah, you are.”
“It really hurts to see how happy you are with him, how much you love him.” Diego chuckled. “But I can accept that as long as you're happy cause regardless of everything, that’s all I wanted.”
“I need you to stay away from me. Our past is our past and I want to keep it that way. Maybe someday when things are better we can be friends again, but it’s better we keep our distance.” 
Diego nodded his head, standing up and making his way down the stairs. “If he ever breaks your heart, I’m here for you.”
“Don’t fucking worry, I won’t.” 
You turned around, surprised to hear Angel’s voice, but at the same time you weren’t. You didn’t exactly close the door and you knew Angel would stay close by. 
“Take care of her Reyes.” Diego hated that this was happening, he was sick to his stomach, but he meant it. All he wanted was for you to be happy. 
“Don’t need you telling me that, but I will Diegito.”
“Am I allowed to hug her?”
“That’s up to her.”
You nodded your head. He held out his hand, which you took. He wrapped his arms around you and you hugged him as well. He kissed the side of your head, whispering ‘I love you’. He let you go and took you in one last time before walking towards his bike. 
You turned towards Angel, and he was leaning against the post at the top of the stairs of the porch. You walked up, and he watched until Diego was out of sight.
“Had fun down memory lane?” Angel turned to face you.
“Angel, you know that’s not what that was. I love you, I love that you want to fight my battles for me, that you want to protect me, but Diego was always a personal thing and I wanted to be the one to tell him to stay away.”
“I heard.” Angel sighed. “You’re so fucking frustrating. All I want is to be there for you and protect you, yet you couldn’t even let me do that.”
“It’s not about that, we’re a team, but this one is really just on me.” 
“Exactly, we’re a team. Baby, you have to meet me halfway here. I love you, seeing how hurt you were when you first told me about him, how you were in distress when he first came into town, that was painful. The last thing I want is for you to be hurt.”
“But you can’t always prevent that, I have to learn things on my own too.”
Angel walked over to you, cupping your face, leaning his forehead against yours. “I know, but sometimes, it’s just hard for me.”
You wrapped your arms around Angel, resting your head on his chest. He kissed the top of your head. He was a bastard and there were parts of him who didn’t think he deserved you, but it was the one voice he could push aside. He wasn’t sure how he could live without you and he would rather not try.
“I’ll try to be better at it, I know you can fight your own battles mama’s, but I’m just overprotective over you.” Angel’s hand soothingly moves up and down your back. 
“Which I appreciate, but sometimes, all I need is to know you have my back.”
“And I fucking do, you know I do.” 
“You two lovebirds done? We’re fucking starving.” Coco interrupted their moment. Seeing their misty eyes, Coco cringed. “My bad, but I’m fucking hungry, Bish said we can’t eat till you two are inside.”
“Oh my god.” You playfully rolled your eyes.
You’re not sure how you landed this family, but you were definitely glad that they were here to stay.
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samwrights · 4 years
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Two Little Lines Pt. 2
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More babies!! WOW I’M SORRY I DIDNT MEAN TO MAKE A WHOLE ASS FIC OUT OF FUKATUCHI.
Er, warning? Implied alcoholism in Semi’s.
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Terushima;
To say that you and Terushima lived a perfect life together would be an outright lie.
Sure, the two of you had been together since your guys’ third year of high school and you have always found a way to make the relationship work.
But you were so tired.
So tired of acting more like his mother than his girlfriend of the last four years. He hardly helped around the apartment, never cooked a meal, and if he was home and not passed out, he’d ditch you to go hang out with his friends.
It just didn’t feel like a relationship anymore; it felt like you were roommates who slept in the same bed.
And Terushima Yūji was entirely oblivious to the fact.
To say that it broke your heart would be an understatement.
But even so, you held onto the hope that you and Teru would make this all work and everything would go back to the way it used to be.
Hope in the form of crying out the anguish in your soul every night as you went to bed.
You ain’t slick though, but Terushima just doesn’t know what to do—
he’s terrified to confront you about this because what if you finally realize that he’s really just a piece of shit and you should have left years ago?
I love Terushima but lowkey I feel like he’s toxic 💀
But he tries—tries in the form of actually talking about topics that have real substance for the first time in months.
It actually goes rather well!
Too well.
It was nice to have your boyfriend back, even if temporarily.
To have human, physical contact with him was needed.
But also landed you in your current predicament—sitting on your bathroom floor, waiting for the results of the pregnancy test you felt you needed to buy earlier.
You were tired—way more than usual lately. The morning sickness, however, was what prompted you.
It was currently 2am. Yūji would be home soon from wherever he decided to go to, and the timer on your phone goes off signaling for you to check.
Not that you needed nor wanted the confirmation, but the two little lines were the nail in the coffin.
Lmaofuck.
“[name]?” Terushima calls out from the hallway. He must’ve noticed you weren’t in bed despite the late hour.
Hearing his voice brought tears to your eyes and you wished you could lie and say they were from joy.
The sobs are what captures his attention, prompting him to barge into the bathroom. “Babe? What’s wrong?”
You don’t say anything; you’re afraid you’ll say everything you’d been harboring inside for years. Instead, you point to the pregnancy test with a shaky finger.
“Wha—oh. Oh!” Aside from the three syllables that left his lips, he had no idea what else to say.
Because he knows.
Terushima knows that things haven’t been going all that great and the both of you just loved each other too much to let the other go.
“I don’t know what to do, Yūji.” Your voice is devoid of all emotion, reflecting the emptiness you’d been feeling for so long.
“The choice is yours, always. But...” Terushima comes to sit with you on the tiled floor, tugging at your cheek so that you can look at him. “This is my sign, I guess, that I have to be better. We aren’t kids anymore, shit we could be having a kid—I can’t just do whatever the hell I want.”
“You shouldn’t have been in the first place,” you seeth, “Yūji, we’ve been in a partnership since high school.”
“And you’ve been carrying the team.” At least he acknowledges it. “Now you’re literally carrying the team.”
“Dude,” you smack his arm lightly, not missing his joke. “Be serious.”
“I am. I mean it. I don’t want to lose you, [name], so I’m going to try. I want to be better for you, for both of you.”
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Semi;
Was Semi Eita perfect? No.
Did you need him to be perfect? Also no.
But for the last three years, there had always been some kind of disconnect between you two regarding what you wanted for the future.
You both were incredibly supportive of each other’s respective paths—shit, you were Semi’s biggest fan when it came to his music.
But considering he often had to travel, he just couldn’t see eye to eye with you and your need for stable roots.
What was the point of spending money on a house when your two bedroom apartment suited you just fine?
He did concede to the two of you getting a dog, so that was nice at least.
But above all, you wanted to be a family. Married, kids, a yard—the whole package. He knew this, but always had an excuse.
“My career is just taking off. If we get married, I don’t want to abandon either of you—I want to be able to dedicate the proper time to both of you.” Okay, fair.
“We don’t have enough saved for a house yet.” Also fair.
“Being a parent is a full time job.” He had valid points to everything, but that did little to quell your desires.
But for Semi, you were willing to make some sacrifices.
Kinda.
However, Semi doesn’t notice the subtle changes that have come from you.
You’re working more, home less, and if you were home, you’d already have had dinner and hanging out in the bathtub while chugging a bottle of wine.
At first, Eita just thinks that you’ve had a rough day at work or something and he gives you your space.
But one bottle turns into four, and he’s had to carry you out of the tub more than once or twice.
“Babe, talk to me. What’s wrong?” Semi had left work early one day just to make sure he caught you before you started your evening ritual.
“Nothing’s wrong, Eita!” But he could hear the forced optimism along with the way your grin didn’t make your cheekbones close your eyes at the corner like they always did.
“[name], please. Don’t shut me out.” Have you ever heard Semi Eita beg? No? That’s cause it never happens.
“I swear, I’m fine! Just had—“
“A hard day at work, I know. I don’t doubt that but you’re avoiding me, babe. Just tell me what’s going on.”
You don’t know how to answer without being selfish. You know what Semi wants out of life and you had comes to terms with it. So why couldn’t you just let it go?
“I-I just...need time. To come to terms with the fact that we want different things in life.” If Semi was a crier, he would have right then and there. Watching the air leave your lungs in broken bubbles coming up as hiccups as you cried broke his heart.
“Do we? I just want you.”
For the first time in months, you didn’t pick up a bottle. After having dinner together, you finally got to be in the comfort of your loving, life partner.
Fast forward to present day—two months later you still indulge yourself in one glass of wine but no more bottles in the bathtub.
Semi’s thankful af for that 💀 even it wasn’t the ideal recovery
But he notices you’ve been waking up in the middle of the night to go throw up, and he’s starting to wonder if there were days you were sneaking them in.
“Eita, I swear I stopped doing that.” He’s giving you benefit of the doubt, trying to come up with other potential culprits.
There were days when you would PMS bad enough to make you sick.
But never for more than a few days—you were entering week 2.
“I’m calling the doctor,” he declares after you’d hurled for the third time that day. When he sees your hesitance, he adds, “I don’t think this is normal withdrawal. You never quit cold turkey, so I just wanna make sure you’re safe.”
Semi Eita’s intuition is both a blessing and a curse.
Blessing, in the sense that he was 100% right in regards to you needing to see a doctor.
Curse, because the two of you found out that you were pregnant. And while the two of you were doing much better than you were a few months ago, the “talk” about your future had never resurfaced.
“So, what are we going to do, Eita?”
“Well, I suppose I’ll have to consolidate my studio to make room for a nursery and I’ll probably have to start working from home part time at least to help you out—“
“Wait, what?” Why did he make it sound like you were keeping the baby?
“Well I’m not gonna leave you to do this alone, [name]. It’s my kid too.”
“Semi-Semi, you don’t want kids.”
“Yeah, but I want you.” He sounds so sure, so confident, that you aren’t even sure if the man beside you is really your boyfriend. “And by association, that includes our baby.”
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Futakuchi;
Oh my god.
Why—or rather how in the fuck did this happen to you?
Well, you know how it happened. You did have sex education when you were in high school, after all.
But you and Fukatuchi always used condoms—there was no room for negotiation on that.
Part of you wishes you would have broken off this hook up arrangement a long time ago
But you know you’re lying to yourself because the two of you just meshed so well.
Almost like a real couple, but you knew that a relationship was the last thing he wanted.
And now, you sat on your bathroom floor with your head buried on your knees after throwing the pregnancy test that revealed two little lines of positivity.
Well, fuck.
You start dodging his 2am calls, passing it off as you had a paper or a lab that you desperately needing to finish.
Kenji isn’t buying it. He knows you’re always on top of your schoolwork.
“Why are you avoiding me?” Comes a text in broad daylight—something comepletely atypical of Futakuchi.
Avoiding turns into ignoring as you’re almost three months pregnant.
To which he calls out with another text send before booty call hours. “Alright, this is getting ridiculous. Whoever you’re fucking now can’t be better than me. Just answer me and I’ll prove it.”
Blocked.
Another weak goes by and, surprisingly, your pregnancy has been relatively smooth. Even if it did suck going through it alone.
A part of you missed Futakuchi. Not that you’d ever tell him that. But you tried to tell yourself you missed the D and nothing else.
But you missed the way he’d hold you overnight, occasionally brushing hair out of your face almost endearingly. You missed the warmth, the lust fueled kisses that you swore were almost loving.
Only to remember he was always gone before you woke up. He was only a booty call, and you had to remind yourself of that.
So why the fuck was he at your doorstep in the middle of the afternoon on a Sunday?
“Why the fuck did you block me?” He snarls, barreling his way into your apartment. You were so thankful that you were wearing an oversized hoodie and that you weren’t showing that much yet. .
“Dude, get out. Obviously, I blocked you for a reason.”
“Oh no, you don’t get to get out of this so easily. You would have told me if you started seeing someone else—“ his wording slips, he knows it, but Futakuchi can’t bring himself to fix the statement.
“We weren’t seeing each other in the first place!” The words sting him like rubbing alcohol on a fresh wound.
You try to usher him out of the apartment but, thanks to you being 16 weeks along and much weaker than him, your efforts are futile.
“You’re so cute when you play hard to get.” He retorts, wrapping his arms around your waist and picking you off the ground to carry you both out of the door way.
But as soon as he does, you’re immediately prying yourself away—fearful that he can feel your hardening belly. Fighting him off, however, seemed to make him squeeze harder. “Kenji, let me go! Fuck!”
He notices the use of his first name. He notices the flailing. But most of all, he noticed that your body felt different, even underneath the plush cloth of your hoodie.
He lets you go, unceremoniously dropping you into the ground out of shock because he finally is putting the pieces together. “You’re pregnant?”
“Get out, Kenji.”
“So you didn’t wanna see me because you’re pregnant? I’m sorry, I don’t quite understand the logic here,” his tone is snarky, painted with a vicious bite, “unless you were hooking up with someone else at the same time is me, there was no reason for you to keep this from me.”
But he knew that you weren’t. He knew by the way you’d clutch at his chest lovingly after sex that part of you longed for a real relationship with him.
And by the way it took everything in him to not stay through the morning, Kenji knew that somewhere along the lines, he wanted it too.
And he planned on telling you the last time he called, just before you started avoiding him.
“There was only you.” You answer quietly to the implied question.
“So, it’s mine.” He states bluntly. Losing your voice, you only nod. “You know,” he starts again slowly after you’ve both nodded off to a silent lull, “I started texting you in the middle of the day because I didn’t want you to think it was just about sex anymore.”
“What do you mean?”
“I actually wanted to give us a try, but I wasn’t sure if you’d break things off if you didn’t want to move forward, and I didn’t wanna risk finding out.”
“And now, instead, you’re finding out that you’re going to be a dad.”
💀💀💀 I-
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Haikyuu!! Tag List - Let me know if you’d like to be added!
@hihiq​ @dreamyjaems @tamcitrus
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jayjaysocks · 4 years
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Listing my favorite animes (because I’m jumping on the bandwagon)
❗️⚠️ *spoilers!! (Duh)* ❗️⚠️
5. Deadman Wonderland
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I was really really sad when I found out this anime got cancelled. The music was fantastic, the animation was really good, and the voice acting was incredible. Even the fucking dubbed version (I loved the voice they chose for Senji. God he was hilarious). I binged this show so fucking fast it wasn’t even funny. I loved watching the characters go through their own struggles and grow as people in the very small amount of episodes provided. There was a lot of development within the snippet that we actually saw, and I was thoroughly impressed with how well it was done. I wanted to scream or something when I found out there wouldn’t be a second season.
Sigh. Oh well. At least we got some of the manga’s masterpiece translated into a show, even if we were missing some fucking awesome characters.
4. Guilty Crown
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Ugh, don’t even get me started. This anime was beautiful and I got so invested so freaking quickly. I literally go back every few years to rewatch it because I get ship starved.
Shu and Inori’s story was so beautifully done; between Shu uncovering his courage and Inori’s journey of self-discovery, I was continuously awe-struck and filled with feelings—I mean, I had never felt such raw emotion while watching something and I was completely blown away by the affect it had on me. Anger, hatred, sadness, it was all there (even for the main character lmao) and it was one of the first times I had ever felt a ship so heavily that I literally cried at the end. It was one of the very first Animes I’d ever seen and was one of the reasons I got such a taste for them. Thanks for throwing me down that rabbit hole, GC.
3. Soul Eater
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This was literally the first Anime I’d ever seen, and my god I couldn’t have asked for a better starter. What I like about this one is that it’s style is so unique and different. It’s very punk and grunge, something I admired and appreciated in a genre that is normally the opposite (like Guilty Crown, for example). Also the fight scenes were badass, like holy shit just look at that gif ??? Freaking amazing.
I loved the way the show transitioned from light hearted to intense and adrenaline pumping so effortlessly. That can be said about a lot of shows, but this one went from *haha cute show* to *holy shit, like they’re actually gonna die ohmygod howaretheygoingtosurvivethis* so smoothly I was genuinely surprised. They made one of the main villains actually cool and each character had their own beautifully done arc. I loved and adored how the show solidified and expanded on the different friendships/relationships that were involved—specifically Soul and Maka’s (also, holy shit, Stein’s arc? Fucking prime, dude). There was a lot of growth in each and every friendship (CRONA!!!), and that really pushed the viewer to invest in the individual characters.
I am fucking delighted that this was my first anime, and (though the ending was a little anticlimactic) it remains one of my top favorites to this day. It set the bar pretty fucking high, and for that I am extremely greatful.
No one asked for Soul Eater: Not! It is the unspoken sin of the Soul Eater world (then again, it is called Soul Eater: Not!)
2. Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood
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If you have been following me for a while, then you are no stranger to my love of FMAB. Some of my most popular posts are about this anime, and for good reason.
Unfortunately, I was late to the party. I actually didn’t watch this until last year, but got invested really damn quick. I have a tendency to be extremely picky about the animes that I watch/like (which is why NONE of these shows are that recent), to the point that I will literally research them before I start watching (a bad habit, do not copy me). I have an incomparably hard time finishing a show when I start, because I get bored really quickly, but this was an exception. I started watching and I just... didn’t stop. I spent a straight week watching FMAB, gobbling it up during any small amount free time I could manage, and finished it before I even knew what happened. I wasn’t picky about it, I didn’t research it, I just dove right in and gosh, I was not disappointed.
The subtle romance that was alluded throughout the entire show was super cute, the devotion the brothers had for each other was to die for, and the struggles that each person went through was more than moving. I never once found myself bored while watching, and that’s saying a lot for my adhd ass. I was invested in each and every second of that damn anime and I was never, ever left underwhelmed. That probably had to do with the fact that every. Single. Character. Had a purpose. I’m not even kidding. Every single person contributed to the big fight at the end and that alone is fucking fantastic.
Not to mention ALL the women, every female character, was a badass bitch. None of them were reduced to sex appeal or romantic subplot, they all had real feelings, real arcs and real, unadulterated badassery that I thoroughly admired and appreciated. I could watch this anime over and over again every single month and I wouldn’t get bored. Between the emotional struggle, self discovery, and personal development of each character, I promise you will not see a lack of plot or meaning here. The more you watch, the more you discover and that is not a lie. There are so many layers to its story, which only makes me wish I had watched this sooner.
There is nothing I have to offer in the ways of criticism, and for that I couldn’t be happier. Thank you, Hiromu Arakawa, for such an incredible piece of art. You deserve every bit of love that this manga/anime gets. You go girl.
1. Cowboy Bepop
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Holy shit holy shit holy shit this anime is so fucking good and it has been my favorite for so damn long. I have been watching anime for years, and while some of the shows in my list have moved around, this one has yet to be bumped down from the top (and I doubt it ever will). There’s a reason it became such a cult classic.
For starters, the animation. I mean, just look at Spike and the way they animate his fighting (yes I am aware that this gif is from the movie, but that still doesn’t change my point). The sequences in the show/film have been reused in many other shows and for good reason. It’s good, incredible, actually and they make him look so badass with just a few hand movements. I was consistently impressed with the way the fight scenes were portrayed and wasn’t ever left underwhelmed or disappointed (or, for that matter, feeling like they completely over exaggerated/overcompensated the scene with huge close-ups and tons of debris and lights). I loved watching this and my heart was always pounding with every intense interaction. I didn’t feel bored during any of the episodes and always found myself laughing when they cracked a joke—pretty much all of their funny lines hit and that’s saying something, dude.
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The show, while having a lighthearted surface, has a heavy meaning that you don’t see at first glance. It’s about dealing with grief and loss, and how the characters themselves accomplished that in different ways. The most prominent quote is the biggest indication of its moral “you’re gonna carry that weight”. Basically: ‘You’ve gotta pick up your baggage, because the world moves on, with or without you’. Or ‘You’re going to carry that weight whether you like it or not, because life keeps going’. When I figured out the show’s actual message, while staring at my ceiling in the long hours of the night, I almost cried. This realization brought something entirely different to the table, a new understanding of the show’s characters and overall essence.
The main characters, all of them, had depth. They had real, palpable depth, and even if you didn’t want to care you found yourself seriously interested in their lives. Each of them had relatively shitty pasts. Faye with her lost memories, Spike with Julia and the people who fucked him over, Jet with his old flame and the ISSP, Ed and her/his father... throughout the entire show we got to see how all of them dealt with these things, whether they wanted to continue on with life or not. The way they portrayed it was engaging, because the characters individual, contrasting journeys weren’t repetitive or one note. The beauty that the show holds so achinging close to its core, the layers of grief that the characters are wrapped in so delicately is almost suffocatingly real—because they’re all different. It’s something you discover when you think on the subject in a deeper light, which is another reason why I enjoy it so much. It has both a surface story and a deeper one. You can either take the show at face value or choose to understand the underlying moral.
This show inspired my very first, thoroughly fleshed out OC, and continues to inspire me to this day. It has contributed to my own personal growth, and has helped push me to continue my art and writing. It is beautifully written, beautifully executed and even though some of the episodes seem like filler, it has never disappointed me. I rewatch it all the time because there’s something so infinitely refreshing about the beauty of this anime, whether it be the way we watch the characters develop or the overall moral it portrays. This show has given us a message that is essentially timeless, it can be ‘carried’ through generation after generation, and still have the same impact—something I absolutely fucking adore.
I owe so much to this anime, including my very own artistic development. I discovered it during a really shitty time in my life and I couldn’t have asked for better timing. I will never tire of the bittersweet message or the thoroughly fucking fantastic animation. Everyone who contributed to this masterpiece deserves love, because it’s seriously fucking gold.
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Thoughts on MAG 190
because I have many, and I’m so excited this show is finally back. 
God, hearing that intro again. Gives me chills. I missed this.
Lowri! Helen! For some reason I was thinking they might have only been a part of the trailer, without actually being major characters. I’m so happy I was wrong. Fucking love them. Helen has always been, and always will be, my favorite Rusty Quiller.
“They sometimes go to a side tunnel, for.. private contemplation.” 2 minutes in, and Jonny reveals that wtgfs like to sneak off to go make out. I love it.
First tape recorder appearance. Oh shit. Interesting that they eye doesn’t work super well in the tunnels, yet it still appears. Hmmm.
“First name terms with The Prophets. Bit disrespectful.” Oh, I missed his sass. Jon is so good. 
Hiding out in Leitner’s old haunt. Interesting. I wonder if there are any of his books still lying around, and if the fearpocalypse has affected them at all.
“Celia?” Martin recognizes her? Is she the same girl Lowri played in MAG 100?
Oh, I missed Melanie so much. She’s so good, and her disdain for Jon is wonderful. God, I hope nothing bad happens to her.
Helen is Melanie’s therapist! That’s amazing. I love it.
I don’t know why Georgie trying repeatedly to destroy the never-ending tape recorders is so funny to me, but it is. 
I’m so glad they’re getting to talk. I missed Georgie, and her not really being there for Jon in S4 always made me kind of sad. I mean, it was totally understandable. and she had to do what was best for her too, but still. I’m glad that she’s acknowledging it though, and saying that she wasn’t really being fair to Jon, and didn’t understand what was really going on. I just love all of these people so much. I feel like this exchange is probably really important for Jon too.   
An endless supermarket? That’s super convenient. Just trying to figure out how that would work as a fearscape. Husbands who were sent to the store by their wives and can’t remember what to get? Broke college students who are trying to put together a meal with no money? Feeling judged for your purchases, thinking the employees are watching you and know that you don’t know how to cook. Or something. Or maybe it’s for the retail workers. Feeling like your boss is constantly watching you, waiting for you to make a mistake. Yeah, that makes more sense. Probably some of all of the above.
The Admiral!!! I kind of love/hate that he’s just chilling, going hunting 24/7. Like I’m glad he’s happy. But it’s so sad that he doesn’t recognize Georgie. That must be really difficult. I wonder what specifically he’s hunting. Other cats? Mice? Birds? People who are afraid of cats? 
“The Snoop God’s favorite kid” 
“Now my therapist thinks I’m the chosen one.” All jokes aside (because it did make me laugh) that must be a super weird dynamic, for both of them. Like, hey, you know everything about me, and how completely flawed I am. You helped me get through some very dark periods, and now I’m apparently the savior of your world or something. And thinking your “prophet” is somebody who you saw in such a way, has to be wild. I’m interested to see if they’re going to delve more into this relationship, because it could be really interesting.
I also really, really, love that Martin and Melanie are able to have this time to just talk. They’ve both gone through so much. And yeah, they were never super close in the before-times. But they still understand each other, in a way I think not a lot of people could, who haven’t worked in the Archives. And they’re just hanging out, chatting about their love lives. It’s so wholesome and good.
“I’m the anti-christ’s plus one.”  Oh my goodness Martin. This made me laugh so hard. I feel like that’s going to be A Thing in the fandom.
How weird must that be though, to have people look up to you like that? I can’t blame her at all for lying about the vision. She’s just trying to give them hope, and something bright to look forward to. But it’s also really hard. Because it is a lie, and does put her on a pedestal. It’s a really difficult situation, and there’s not really any good answers on how to handle that. But I can’t imagine the stress that must put on you. Feeling so responsible for these people, who have nothing, and who’s lives you literally saved. And who look up to you like you can solve all your problems, when you have no idea what you’re doing. It must be so hard.
That being said, the cringe I just experienced from “Blind Prophet”. Just. So much no. 
I love hearing Melanie talk about Georgie though. She’s so in love and it’s so sweet. 
Oh no. Daisy. And the pain is back. The whiplash I’m going through in this conversation. And Spiral Helen. I’m glad that Jonny put that in there though. Helen was just such a good, good, character.. In that her whole point was making you think she was on your side. And she did that to the point that a lot of people, including me, actually started to think maybe she was. This was a good reminder that no. She really was evil, she was just also really good at manipulation. It’s easy to forget sometimes, and to think maybe she didn’t deserve to die, and they could’ve saved her. But it wouldn’t have worked out, Jon knew what he was doing.
Cold baked beans. Delicious. I guess they can’t really make a fire in the tunnels. And obviously no electricity. Seems quite unpleasant though.
”Even if her problems were sometimes... odd.” I don’t remember, did we ever get context for how much she actually told her? 
”But you’ve got to have hope in something. Otherwise there’s no point to anything. So, I choose to have hope in them. [...] Times like these, it just helps to believe. I’m not sure it really matters what.” 
Anil!! I love him so much. I do wish we got some Arun/Martin bonding time though. I need them to talk about their favorite poets and discuss interpretations of various poems or something. I don’t know, I’m not really a big poetry person, but they both are, and I think they would get along pretty well, if Martin isn’t too put off by the religious part.
He also did sort of bring up a point I had been thinking about. And definitely not thinking this is in any way foreshadowing of anything, or that this is at all something that will come up. It’s just my own personal thoughts. “Maybe your powers feed on hope. On faith, and trust, and hope.” I feel like everything in the universe has an opposite, to a certain extent. And I feel like it makes sense that the fears would have an opposite as well. That there would be some sort of powers of hope or something. Not even necessarily in a good vs evil sort of way, because I feel like that’s an over simplification, and not at all really realistic.Nothing in real life is that black and white. But the fears came to exist because they were something people believed in. Not in like a faith way. But just in a way that it’s something that people thought and focused on enough to give it power. And I feel like that would work for hopes and dreams too. It only makes sense to me that if fearing something so much gives it power to turn into an actual, god-like, entity. Well, people dream about things just as much as they fear other things. I don’t know. I feel like someone smarter and better with words than I am could explain my thought process better. Just an idea that I had, that, as I said, I do not believe will at all come up, or exists at all in this universe. It’s not even really a headcanon. Just thoughts.
Final Thoughts:
This episode was so good? It was much more light-hearted than I was expecting, but in a really good way. I loved just hearing everybody reconnect, and have actual conversations with their friends. I forgot how much I missed these people, and how good everyone is. 10/10, absolutely loved. I’m exited to see what comes next, if a bit nervous. Obviously this was a good episode to ease back in, but the pain will be coming pretty soon. I am curious, there are apparently seven members of the cult, and we only met three, not including wtgfs, so five. I wonder if we’ll recognize the other two, or if they’re just not that important. Also wondering what the plan is for Jon, as he still doesn’t really know what to do. Is he just going to hang out for a bit? Have a chance to relax, like they did at Salesa’s? Wondering if they’re going to leave of their own volition, and decide it’s time to get a move on, or if something will happen to force them out. It’s clearly more dangerous for the cult now that Jon is there, and, ascaves much as Georgie cares about him, I don’t think she’ll let them stay if she thinks they’re an active danger. Anyways, I’m so, so excited that TMA is back, and I can’t wait to hear what comes next. 
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stardust-walker · 3 years
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High Hopes: Chapter 20
Previous Chapters:  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 
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word count: 5315
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Lori’s safe return to camp might have been the first good thing to happen in what felt like days. Dove hurried over with the others as her friend emerged from the car. “Where’s Rick,” Lori questioned. Dove’s harsh gaze fell to Shane as he spoke.
“I had to get you back here,” he stated as if it were that simple.
Julian’s jaw dropped as he stared at the deputy. “Probably better ways to get someone to follow you than to lie and tell them someone’s safe when they’re not?” He winced as Maggie punched him in the side.
“You asshole,” Lori growled as she stomped past him. “He’s my husband,” Dove’s eyes widened as Lori punched Shane in the chest. The brunette stepped forward and pulled her back along with Andrea.
“I will go after him! I’ll find him.” Shane spoke again, “Now first things first, I gotta…I gotta look after you.” Dove scoffed before Shane continued, “I gotta make sure the baby’s alright.” 
The silence and shock throughout the group was palpable. Then Carl stepped forward, the poor boy didn’t seem to understand as he looked almost excited. “You’re having a baby,” he questioned his mother. Lori glanced sideways for a moment. Dove punched the bridge of her nose in frustration as Carl continued. “Why didn’t you tell me?” 
“Come on,” Dale broke the silence, “Let’s make sure you’re alright.” As Lori followed Andrea towards the house, Dove took a step forward.
“You’re a real fucking piece of work,” she hissed at Shane before she turned on her heel and followed the other women up to the house.
Julian turned his head and watched the others leave before he turned back to Shane, “So are you really gonna go look for Rick or were you lying to her about that too?” Maggie shot him another warning look. “What? Are we all supposed to just sit around and listen to this and not question it?”
Shane stood up straighter and ran a hand over his head, “Why don’t you just mind your business about my people?” 
Julian glared at Shane, “Why didn’t you just mind your business about ours?”
Maggie took a quick step between them as Shane began to step forward. “Julian, go back to the house and just shut up. Both of you! Rick and Glenn will be back soon. They have to be.”
~
Dove sunk to the floor across from the couch and ran her hand across the hardwood floor as Lori tried to find the best way to explain things to her son. Carl peeked around his mother at the older man. Dale shook his head, “Don’t look at me. That’s your father’s job.”
The little boy turned his head slowly and glanced at Dove. The young woman let out a quiet snort of laughter before she raised a hand in the area. “Don’t look at me, either. I never worked with kids. Your daddy’ll be back soon anyway. I’m sure he’ll love to have that chat with you,” Dove finished with a little smirk. 
“If the baby’s a girl, can we name her Sophia?” It felt like a knife to the gut, though it was obvious that Carl hadn’t meant it that way. Lori avoided the younger woman’s gaze as Dove stared back down at her hands.
“I’m sorry, bud, I thought you knew,” Shane mumbled from the doorway.
“Big brother Carl,” the little boy grinned as he flicked the brim of his hat. “Pretty cool, huh?”
“I say that’s very cool,” Shane agreed.
 Dove looked up and spotted Lori trying her best to avoid any interaction with Shane. She pursed her lips as she tried to think back to the quarry. Things had definitely not been this weird between the two of them when they were there. Sophia had asked Carl if Shane was his dad and had to explain to Dove that he was not, in fact, the young boy’s father. Dove felt a sinking feeling in her chest, and she wasn’t sure if it was because of thoughts of Sophia or her realization of the true predicament that Lori Grimes had found herself in.
“How about a little later after she’s had some rest,” Andrea frowned. Dove shifted her gaze from Lori to the blonde woman and back to the doorway. 
“Lori, I had to get you back here. You wouldn’t have come otherwise,” Shane reasoned. It was a pretty shitty reason. “How about you just hear me out, please?”
Lori looked torn, but she finally nodded her head. “Give me a minute, bud? Go with Dove.” Dove nodded as she pulled herself to her feet and put an arm around the little boy.
Dove tried to smile as she flicked the brim of the sheriff’s hat Carl wore, “Let’s give your mama a few minutes, little man.”
Carl waited until they were out on the porch before he spoke up. “Is everything alright with my mom?”
Hazel eyes flickered to Dale before she turned back to Carl and spoke. “I’m sure your mom is just fine. She’s probably just…worried about everything with your dad being missing and all that. Especially after today, she’s probably just wanting him to come back,” she smiled faintly.
Carl nodded his head slowly, his head turned back to the house. “I hope that’s right.”
Dale didn’t look very comfortable with leaving Lori alone in the house with Shane. Dove couldn’t help but agree with him on that, though neither of them had to say anything about it. 
~
Julian was worried. They weren’t back yet. Beth wasn’t getting any better and Hershel was still out there. His nerves were shot, but he couldn’t afford to show weakness. Not right now anyway. So, he sat on the opposite side of the bed from Maggie, held Beth’s hand, and stared at her. He felt like any minute now, she would pop up and be the same bright and bubbly kid. Deep down he knew that even when she did snap out of it, she wouldn’t be like that for a long time.
“You just need to be strong for her,” he heard Andrea say from where she had sat next to him. 
“I was just reminding her about…never mind,” Maggie shook her head. Andrea encouraged her to continue. “My dad would die if he heard this. My first summer back from college, I drove home, dumped my stuff off, went straight out to the stable for a ride.” Julian chuckled quietly. He knew this story. “My family comes back from church and Beth grabs my things and start unpacking my stuff upstairs. It was sweet until this one here,” Maggie patted Beth’s hand, “starts rifling through my backpack. She finds this little plastic container with these pink and green candies inside. She didn’t even know I was on the pill. She was so freaked out by the idea of me, boys, and sex she runs outside and chucks them in the duck pond. And I ride up, I see this, I’m screaming. She’s crying and Shawn runs outside, thinks one of us is drowning. The jerk busts out laughing as soon as he finds out. My dad comes out asking what’s going on, and Beth turns around and bats her eyelashes and just tells him we were swimming.”
Julian snorted, “Then this one,” he nodded at Maggie. “Decided it was a good idea to call my sister and start freaking out when she finally gets inside. Maggie was a hellion, but Beth knows how to raise a different type of hell,” he joked. The smile slowly formed on his face as he squeezed Beth’s hand again.
“Glenn and Rick will bring your dad back,” Andrea tried to assure Maggie. 
“Glenn’s a good guy,” Maggie sniffled. 
Shane seemed to be trying to stay true to his word as he began to load up the car to head out and look for Rick. Dove leaned back against the RV, cigarette burning down in her hand as she watched Daryl examine his rifle. She’d woken up that morning feeling just a little bit ashamed of how she’d lashed out at him, but she didn’t exactly know how to have that talk. Part of her still thought he deserved it. 
“He doesn’t want Rick back,” Dove heard Dale tell Andrea. “Or Hershel. With those two gone, he’s got everything he wants and no one to tell him otherwise,” the old man shook his head. Dove found herself drifting closer to the conversation; Dale was getting pretty ballsy talking about something like that with Shane in earshot. 
“Shane has done more to keep this group alive than anybody, including Rick,” Andrea narrowed her eyes at Dale.
“Now I know you didn’t just say that,” Dove spoke up as the attention of the two turned to her. “You have been spewing some real bullshit over the last few weeks, but I have to say, that has to be the worst thing I’ve heard.” She shook her head.
“You think Rick’s done more,” Andrea questioned as she crossed her arms in front of her chest. 
“I know he has. He bargained with the group at the nursing home to get Glenn back. He went back to try and save Merle and so we could get the guns. I mean in case you haven’t noticed, without that bag of guns, our chances of being alive right now would be pretty slim,” Dove counted off on her fingers. “Rick has tried his best to keep us all safe! The only person Shane has tried to keep safe is himself and maybe Lori and Carl. The rest of us are just along for the ride,” Dove scowled at the blonde woman.
“I mean, I have to agree. There’s no way you can possibly believe that Andrea.” The disappointment in Dale’s voice was obvious. 
“I do,” Andrea stated. 
Dove stepped up beside Dale as Andrea moved towards the car. “What a dumbass,” she grumbled as she finally tossed her cigarette to the ground. The sound of a vehicle approaching broke through the silence.
They were back. Dove jogged up towards the house with everyone else. A small smile was on her face as she watched Carl run up to hug his father. 
“Who the hell is that,” T-Dog spoke up and Dove narrowed her eyes as she moved closer to Carol. 
“That’s Randall,” Glenn spoke up.
“Holy shit,” Julian muttered as he turned and headed back into the house.
~
Dove didn’t like the fact that they were in there trying to decide what to do about someone’s life. Rick had the right idea, she thought to, to let the boy go once he was healed. Andrea was on a real winning streak that day. “Isn’t that the same as leaving him for the walkers,” the blonde inquired.
Dove placed a hand over her mouth as she leaned back in her chair. Her attention shifted from the blonde to the door as Daryl entered. His eyes scanned the room until they landed on what she could only assume was herself and Carol. A new sense of shame rolled over her as, instead of the scowl she’d been expecting, he nodded his head at them with a small forced smile. Dove’s hazel eyes glanced towards Carol as the older woman shrugged her shoulders. Dove tried her best to keep her eyes forward, but she could feel her heart beat faster as the man walked across the room and stood across from them.
“He knows where we are,” Shane said.
“He was blindfolded the whole way here, he’s not a threat,” Rick explained.
“You killed three of their men, you took one hostage,” Shane began to ramble. “But they just ain’t gonna come looking?”
Dove frowned as she lowered her hand, “You would rather them have left the poor kid out in the middle of the night with a fence through his leg to get eaten alive?” 
Rick ran a hand through his hair, “They left him for dead. Like Dove said, they saw him with the fence through him and they left him there to die. No one is looking.”
T-Dog spoke up, “we should still post a guard.”
Hershel shrugged his shoulders, “He’s out cold right now, will be for hours.”
“You know what? I’m gonna go get him some flowers and candy,” Shane exclaimed sarcastically.
Julian ground his teeth as he spoke up from beside Hershel, “Were you always this much of an asshole or is this just an end-of-the-world bullshit because I’m getting really tired of it man.”
“Julian…” Patricia warned. 
“Sorry, Pat. Sorry, I know no cursing in the house, but someone had to say it! Randall is not a threat,” he shook his head. “Randall is a little punk but he’s what? 120 soaking wet. Carl could probably kick his a…. butt if he wanted to.”
Shane scoffed and shook his head. “Look at this folks, we’re back in Fantasyland.”
“You know, we haven’t even dealt with what you did at my barn yet,” Hershel turned quickly as Shane began to exit the room. Julian’s dark eyes widened in shock. He expected it from Maggie, maybe. Not Hershel. “Let me make this perfectly clear, once and for all. This is my farm. Now I wanted you gone. Rick talked me out of it, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. So, do us both a favor? Keep your mouth shut.” 
Julian looked down at his shoes as he tried to keep a shocked laugh from coming out of his mouth. As everyone began to file out, he looked up and put a hand on Hershel’s shoulder. “Wait until Beth hears about what you just did, man.” Julian smiled as he patted Hershel’s shoulder excitedly. “She’s gonna be so mad she missed it.” Dove rose from her chair as the two men exited the room and entered the hallway. 
The brunette watched as Carol tried to approach Daryl, who had somehow made it to the door, only for him to push his way outside without allowing her to say anything. Dove closed the distance between herself and her sister quickly as they left the house. “I think he just needs some space,” Dove whispered to Carol.
“Maybe,” Carol hesitated as she watched Daryl trek back towards his lonely little campsite. “Maybe you shouldn’t have gone and yelled at him last night either.” She frowned and Dove sighed.
Dove nervously rubbed her forearm as she leaned against the porch railing. “You think I don’t know that? I was just…I was angry. I’ll find a way to make it up to you…and maybe him too. As long as he deserves it.” She looked down at the porch.
Carol let out a heavy sigh and took a few steps forward to kiss her younger sister on the top of her head. “That’s all I can ask…”
~
The next week felt like the longest week of her life. There had been a few times when she had gone up to try and talk with Daryl, but it always seemed like the universe was telling her that now wasn’t the time. The first time she’d tried to do it, Maggie had asked her for help with collecting eggs. Dove had given the other woman a confused look but had helped her anyway. It was perfectly clear to anyone with eyes that Maggie was important to Glenn and Glenn was her best friend. A few other times, Daryl had been pulled aside by other men in the group to watch Randall or do other things that Dove didn’t care to hear about.
About 3 days into it, Dove had all but thrown herself backwards onto her sleeping bag in frustration. “What’s wrong now,” Carol asked, but didn’t look up from her sewing. Carol had taken to fixing up winter coats that they’d salvaged from the highway since it was starting to get colder out.
Dove ran a hand through her dark hair and closed her eyes. “My mom always used to say that the universe will give you signs when things are meant to happen. You think that me getting interrupted every time I try to apologize to that jerk means that he deserved it?” She opened one eye to look at her sister as a smirk crept onto her face. 
Carol rolled her eyes. “Your mom was a smart lady and she believed what she believed so I won’t tell you she was wrong. If you want to go off that though, maybe the time just isn’t right. Maybe it’s like you said. You just need to give him time,” the older woman looked up and flashed her sister a comforting smile. 
Dove had taken to doing something she felt like she could control and help with. Beth. It would be a little different if the young woman were willing to talk, but Dove understood. The brunette entered the kitchen as Lori walked out with a tray of food for the teenager. “Oh vegetables,” Dove chirped as she reached over the saltshaker and picked up a piece of cucumber. She took a bite out of it as she leaned back against the counter. “Something wrong, Maggie?”
The younger woman shrugged her shoulders as she drummed her fingers on the counter. “Just everything with Glenn. It’s kind of got me all worried, you know? What if I messed things up?”
Dove sighed and popped the rest of the piece into her mouth. After a few moments, she spoke. “Guys are weird. They’ll do nice shit for you one day and tell you to basically go fuck yourself the next.”
“Speaking from experience,” Maggie quirked an eyebrow.
Dove rolled her hazel eyes and swatted playfully at the woman. “I’m 28 years old. If I hadn’t experienced that yet, I might be worried.” Nice avoiding the question. “My point is that Glenn didn’t do anything like that to you. What I think happened is that maybe Glenn never felt like that about someone before and it spooked him. I wouldn’t worry too much about it. I think Glenn’s crazy about you. He’ll come around.”
Maggie looked down at the counter and nodded. “You think so?” Dove nodded. “Thanks…”
“Absolutely. Would you like to schedule another appointment? Knowing all of these assholes, I’ll be booked until the actual end of the world,” Dove snorted as she reached for another piece of cucumber. Maggie let out a light chuckle. It was nice to have friends.
~
Julian was caught off guard as Lori came out of Beth’s room white as a ghost. “Hey what’s wrong,” he questioned the woman as she passed. 
Lori didn’t stop but turned slightly and pointed back to Beth’s room. “You stay with her. I’m gonna go find Maggie and Hershel.” Julian didn’t have time to say anything as he spotted the knife in her hand. His heart sank to his stomach as he turned and headed down the hallway. He peeked his head into the bedroom.
Beth was faced away from the doorway when he entered. “Beth…Bethie.” Julian said quietly as he walked over and took a seat next to her feet. “Beth. I need you to tell me what you were planning to do with the knife.” 
The blonde didn’t move at all, but she answered. “It’s all pointless now, Julie. What’s the point anymore? Even if we live, we’ll probably just end up like my mom. And Shawn.”
Julian’s hands shook as he rested his elbows on his knees. His gaze focused onto the floor in front of him. He wanted to be able to reassure her as best he could, but there was no way that he could do it. He wanted to believe that there was hope for the future, but part of him couldn’t help but think that Beth was right. That didn’t mean that anyone else had to die, though.
He was snapped out of his thoughts as Lori ran back into the doorway followed by Dove. Dove’s hazel eyes were wide and panicked as she entered the room. Lori hadn’t explained much, just that she’d found Beth trying to cut herself and couldn’t find Maggie. Dove half expected to enter the room and see blood but relief flooded through her as Maggie ran down the hallway. 
She was like a bat out of hell as she descended onto her younger sister. “Are you serious? What do you think dad’s gonna do when he finds out?” Julian chewed nervously on his thumbnail.
“What’s he gonna do? Kill me for committing suicide,” Beth sounded emotionless as she responded.
Dove sighed as she pulled her hair back away from her face. “Beth, listen. I know that it feels like you can’t feel anything right now, but that was a very permanent solution to a temporary problem. I know how much it hurts to lose someone; believe me I know.” Her voice cracked slightly as she spoke. “But Maggie’s right. How do you think your dad would feel if you did it?”
The blonde girl stared straight ahead and shrugged her thin shoulders.
“Stop being a brat,” Maggie sat down on the bed. “He’d die. So would I. This isn’t just about you.” Julian stood up slowly and put an arm on Dove’s shoulder. A look from the younger man told her that maybe this was a conversation the two women needed to have on their own. 
“How are you doing,” Dove turned her attention to Julian as he shut the door behind them. 
Julian shook his head, “It’s not me you need to worry about. Beth would never do something like that.” He sucked in a deep breath as shouts started to come from inside the bedroom. Dove placed a gentle hand on his back and began to lead him to the kitchen. “Beth loves Maggie. She would never fight with her like that.” He wandered through into the dining room and took a seat.
“This could’ve been handled better,” Andrea spoke.
Dove felt her anger flare up again as Andrea answered Lori. “You shouldn’t have taken the knife away.” 
“You have got to be fucking kidding me,” Dove grumbled. 
“Excuse me,” Lori sounded truly shocked.
“You were wrong. Like Dale taking my gun, that wasn’t your decision,” Andrea sounded so sure of herself.
Dove bit down on her tongue. She didn’t want to fight anymore, she really didn’t.
“She has to choose to live on her own, she has to find her own reasons,” Andrea stated.
Dove snapped, “You are a grown ass woman capable of making your own decisions. Beth is a sixteen-year-old child. You want to give someone who wants to die a way out?”
“What is your problem,” Andrea turned her attention to Dove.
“My problem is that just because you’re a fucking lawyer, you think you know everything,” Dove pointed a finger at the older woman. 
“And you really have the authority to tell me about a situation like this,” Andrea’s tone was condescending, and it just served to fuel the fire.
“No, but I do have a degree in psychology and several years of experience to tell you about the situation,” Dove explained, and Andrea rolled her eyes. “I swear to God, if I had that here with me, I would shove it in your face, then roll it up and shove it so far up your…” 
Lori moved behind Dove and placed a hand on her shoulder. “Stop it! Both of you! Andrea, you need to stop. Dove, I know what you’re saying, and I agree with you but it’s not making it any better.”
“How,” Andrea threw a hand in the air.
“Would you want me to tie a noose for her too then,” Lori snapped.
“If she’s serious, she’ll figure out a way,” Andrea shrugged.
“True but it’s a whole hell of a lot easier when you wanna give her a butcher knife,” Dove glared at the blonde woman.
“Doesn’t mean I can’t stop her or let her know that I care,” Lori explained. Dove admired how the woman was trying so hard to hold it together. Odds were, she probably wanted to scream and fight as much as Dove did. 
“She believes that suicide is the best option,” Andrea said as if she had suddenly discovered it was raining outside.
“That’s not an option,” Lori shook her head.
“Of course it is.”
Dove’s jaw dropped. She managed to tune out half of what Andrea said until she heard it. “I help keep this place safe.”
“If trying to shoot Daryl in the head counts as keeping this place safe, then you sure did,” Dove chided back.
“The men can handle this on their own. They don’t need your help,” Lori asserted. 
“I’m sorry. What would you have me do,” Andrea asked. That baffled Dove. It was a farm, there were a million and one things to do and somehow, everyone else managed to keep themselves busy.
“There’s plenty of work to go around,” Lori frowned. 
“Are you serious,” Andrea shouted. “Everything falls apart and you’re in my face over skipping laundry?”
 Dove scoffed as Lori continued. “Puts a burden on the rest of us. On me, Carol, Dove, Patricia, and Maggie. Cookin and cleanin and caring for Beth. So yes, there is more than enough work to keep you busy too.” Dove’s eyes widened slighlty as she caught the angry look on Andrea’s face. “You don’t care about anyone but yourself. You sit up on that RV, working on a tan with a shotgun in your lap.” 
Andrea scowled and began to explain how she was on watch, but Lori was having none of it. The two women continued to argue back and forth until Andrea dropped a bomb. “Go in there and tell that little girl that everything’s gonna be okay, just like it is for you. She’ll get a husband, a son, baby, boyfriend. She just has to look on the bright side.”
Dove boiled over as she walked around the table and gave Andrea a hard shove. “Get out!”
Andrea turned her attention to the brunette, “And you. You act so high and mighty but…”
“She said, get out,” Julian’s voice came from the doorway and it made everyone freeze. Andrea looked startled. “You don’t get to talk to people like that in this house. If I hear you talking about Beth like that again, I’ll tell Maggie exactly what you said about her. Then you’ll really regret it.” 
Lori finally seemed to crumble a little bit as Andrea exited the house with a slam of the door. “I…”
“You don’t need to explain anything to me, Lori. I get it. In traumatic situations, people will…find comfort in other people. You don’t need to explain anything,” Dove stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Lori. She really wished she’d gotten to hit Andrea again.
~
When he heard Maggie going towards Beth’s room and calling for her, Julian rose from his seat and was at the doorway in seconds. Then the glass shattered. Maggie flashed him a panicked look as she began to knock on the door. Julian walked over; panic written all over his face. “Bethie, open up!” Julian banged on the door. “Don’t do this,” he echoed Maggie. His heart sank when she mentioned she’d left her with Andrea. Julian slammed his shoulder against the door once, but it was a hard old wooden door. There was a better chance of him dislocating something than getting the door opened before something happened. “Beth just open the door! Please!” He shouted through the door. 
The door finally swung open as Lori pried it open with a fire poker. His stomach turned as Beth turned and he saw her clutch her bloody wrist. “I’m sorry,” she started to cry. It felt like things moved in slow motion as Maggie walked forward into the bathroom and put an arm around her sister. With a word, Julian ran off to collect bandages for his friend. He was alone for the first time in days and for the first time, he let the tears that he’d been holding back fall.
~
The last thing any of them expected was for Rick and Shane to return with Randall, but that was what happened. Dove didn’t like the idea of Daryl going off to question the boy on his own. She paced nervously between the tents with her sister as she waited for the man to return.
It felt like hours, but Daryl eventually emerged from the barn and walked back up towards the camp. “Boy there’s got a gang. 30 men,” Daryl explained as he approached them. “They have heavy artillery and they ain’t lookin to make friends. They roll through here, our boys are dead. And our women, they’re gonna wish they would be.” A shiver ran down Dove’s spine at the thought. Her hazel eyes drifted down to look at Daryl’s hands as Carol asked about his knuckles. “Had a little chat,” he answered simply as he stepped through, back to his campsite. 
Dove let out a heavy sigh before she walked back to her tent. She paused for a moment before she began to dig through her backpack. Down near the bottom of the front pocket, she found what she was looking for. Some antiseptic and some clean tissues. Probably not the best, but that would have to do for a peace offering.
It felt like she had bricks tied to her shoes the closer that she got to her destination. “You coming to throw more shit at me,” Daryl called out the moment he spotted her. 
“To be fair,” Dove raised a hand as she stopped just behind him, “I was aiming for your head.”
“Your aim was off,” Daryl grumbled.
“Well, it’s been a while since softball,” she shrugged her shoulders and pointed to the spot next to him. “Can I sit.”
Daryl just let out a grunt and Dove lowered herself to sit next to him. Her gaze went to his knuckles again. “You didn’t have to do that, you know.” She held out the antiseptic to him with a raised eyebrow.
“I did what I had to do,” Daryl just shrugged his shoulders. He looked at the items in her hand before he begrudgingly held his hand out to her.
Dove sighed as she gently took Daryl’s hand in hers and began to dab at the blood on his knuckles with a tissue. “You did more than you had to. That seems to be a pattern with you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean,” Daryl scoffed. 
Dove shrugged as she continued to dab at his hand. “It means that you almost got yourself killed looking for Sophia. You beat the shit out of some kid to find out all the things you had to in order to protect the group…” 
Daryl frowned, “Any of them would’ve done it if they had to.”
Dove furrowed her eyebrows as she dabbed the antiseptic onto his knuckles now. “But you’re the one who did. You do just as much for us as Rick does. I think you need to realize how much people appreciate it. How much I appreciate it.” The corner of her mouth turned up into a small smirk, “When you’re not being a bully. Sorry about that by the way. I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”
“You can’t tell people how to grieve,” Daryl said to her and she stopped for a moment. Her gaze raised to Daryl and she released his hand as she spotted the small smile on his face.
“You’re right. You can’t. Now just shut your mouth and give me your other hand,” Dove rolled her eyes as Daryl placed his hand in hers. It felt good to finally be able to make things right.
----
@crossbowking​ @momc95​ @chaotic-gary-king-stan​
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smiting-finger · 4 years
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HP AU Headcanons
I just noticed that I’ve hit 500 followers ( ?! omg you guys!! (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄), so I cleaned up and expanded on some of my HP AU headcanons from the AO3 comments section.
Things that happen before fic #1
During the War, Wei Wuxian has at least ten different balls in the air, trying to keep the innocent Wen children (+elderly) from Jin Guangshan, including:
The Stygian Tiger Seal,
Becoming an Animagus (which no one knows about, and tbh he was hoping for something more combat-useful than a bunny, but hey, at least he’s not a dog),
Inferi (so many dead bodies lying around, and their ex-inhabitants aren’t using them, so he may as well--)
ANIMAL Inferi (because a bitch cannot be picky when a bitch has no army), but he mostly abandons the idea after the first few battles because if you’re looking to enchant things to work as an army, it’s easier to enchant 1000 of the same shape of thing than to enchant 3 each of 257 different things with different shapes, sizes and capabilities
Booby-trapping the fuck out of Yiling with:
Various blood arrays (ranging from magical versions of “surprise!-now-you’re-in-a-net-hanging-out-of-a-tree” and “surprise!-you’ve-fallen-into-a-hidden-hole” to “surprise!-now-your-head-is-gone”)
A man-eating tomb inspired by Nie Huaisang’s ancestral tomb, possibly made possible by an ancestral blade that Wei Wuxian pilfered “borrowed” from said ancestral tomb,
A magical oubliette - key to the storyline! 
He was intending to stash the Stygian Tiger Seal in here to stop Jin Guangshan getting at it, because Jin Guangshan would either:
Fail to get in
Get in but fail to get out
Wei Wuxian either stocks the oubliette with necessities-for-life, or leaves enough loopholes in the spellwork so that anyone trapped in there would be able to access necessities-for-life (despite not being able to magic themselves out) because: 1) What if someone accidentally falls in, and 2) Although he’d be okay with Jin Guangshan dying, in the ideal outcome of his grand plan, they need him alive for Wizengamot trials, etc.
The plan is perfect, except that Jin Guangshan catches him in the act of stashing the seal, and in the ensuing struggle, Wei Wuxian gets himself (and the seal, thankfully) trapped.
(So he gives himself a pat on the back for making the oubliette liveable - “Thanks, past-me.”)
During the ten years, Wei Wuxian works on the magical equivalent of digging a hole out of a stone prison with a single spoon (slowly working on loosening various parts of his containment spells or trying to find a way to send a message to the outside world via his food-and-air loopholes), and also works on some other hobby projects in his spare time because the going is slow. To his credit, he’s actually almost got it by the time Nie Huaisang stumbles on his notes and gets him out.
In the meantime, Jin Guangshan has died, and Jin Guangyao has taken over his father’s:
position as Minister of Magic;
search for the Stygian Tiger seal.
Either because he’s looking for the Stygian Tiger seal, or because he’s noticed Nie Huaisang skirting a little too close to the truth behind his brother’s death and is following him, he stumbles upon Nie Huaisang freeing Wei Wuxian.
[Insert duelling]
Wei Wuxian gets wounded by a curse, turns into a rabbit when Jin Guangyao isn’t looking, flees into the forest and ends up at Gusu.
He never plans to try to cross the ward perimeter, but then he gets noticed by the dog...
Things that happen during fic #1
Once in Gusu, Wei Wuxian’s plan is to recover from the curse and then go back to have it out with Jin Guangyao.
His initial reason for not doing a “surprise!” reveal to Lan Wangji is that he’s not actually clear on what LWJ’s opinion of him as Yiling Patriarch is - i.e. what if it gets him turned in to the Ministry, the tender mercies of Jin Guangyao and a Wizengamot that’s Jin-controlled and/or already decided that Wei Wuxian is guilty?
(Lan Wangji blames himself for this: “a boy who would not accept his help because Lan Zhan failed to clearly tell him what he was offering.”)
His reasons for still not doing a “surprise!” reveal to Lan Wangji after 1) spending time with him, 2) spending time with the WWX-shaped hole in his life and 3) finally Getting It are that:
He also Gets that everyone and their dog (lul) already Get That, too
Jin Guangyao knows Wei Wuxian is at large, which therefore makes Lan Wangji suspect numero uno on the list of People Who Would Hide Wei Wuxian
(Wei Wuxian is proven 100% in the right regarding this when Jin Guangyao comes knocking for control over the Academy and Lan Wangji acts in precisely the way he does)
If Wei Wuxian is caught, he can at least keep Lan Wangji safe if Veritaserum shows that he actually knew nothing
He does, however, secretly change back at least twice to:
Talk to Lan Wangji while he’s asleep;
Break out of Lan Wangji’s rooms to go roaming around the school.
As soon as Wei Wuxian is recovered, he goes off to fight Jin Guangyao on his turf (before Jin Guangyao can come back to Gusu and try again). 
Unfortunately, this coincides precisely with Jin Guangyao coming back to Gusu and trying again - they out-manoeuvre each other and each ends up at the other’s base.
Wei Wuxian is the first one to realise what’s happened and rushes back.
Being unconscious, Lan Wangji misses out on:
Nie Huaisang bringing out his vast stores of proof in re: the Jin machinations behind his brother’s death (and incidentally, his discovery of Wei Wuxian)
Jin Guangyao being bound and arrested by non-corrupt Aurors in front of Lan Xichen, the previously-Imperius-ed Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang, the retrieved-from-hiding teachers/students/Lan elders
Wei Wuxian taking advantage of this audience to be like “Now all of Gusu knows you’re evil!”
Wei Wuxian being proven to therefore be not (that) evil after all.
Especially given that the larger part of the jury is now from the generation who had their youth consumed by/were greatly changed by the War, and who mostly agree that the Jins shitting on the innocent Wens was kind of gross anyway (as represented by Lan Xichen).
Things that happen after fic #1
Wei Wuxian falls into teaching because:
During his ten years of being trapped, he invented some really neat magical things
Nothing better to do
Don’t want to leave Lan Wangji just yet (or: lol just try prying yourself out of the deathgrip Lan Wangji is using to metaphorically clutch you to his manly chest, I dare you)
Or rather, he hangs around because of the above, and then Lan Wangji helps him to demo something in class, and he’s like “Sure!”. And then Lan Xichen sees this and is like “hey can you help me demo something too”, and he’s like “Sure!” and -
(And then after this goes on a while, Lan Qiren is like “IF YOU’RE GONNA HANG AROUND AND EAT OUR FOOD YOU MAY AS WELL EARN YOUR KEEP” and also “WE MAY AS WELL PUT YOU ON PAYROLL TO AVOID EMPLOYMENT LAW VIOLATIONS AND ALSO FOR TAX PURPOSES”.)
Wei Wuxian totally enters his first class as a rabbit, and sits on the desk, nodding to each student as they come in. And then when everyone’s present, he stands on his hind legs like he’s going to teach as a rabbit, too, just to see what the students will do.
(If Jin Ling is in that class, the answer is: riot)
Lan Wangji is the kind of Professor who’s consistently a hard-arse because:
He wants to push you, as a student, to reach your full potential; and
He wants you, as a student, to have clear/consistent expectations to work and grow within.
On the other hand, Wei Wuxian is the kind of Professor who’s like “Everything is lalala” during term, and then suddenly the exam is diabolical, made up of 70% lateral-thinking/problem-solving and only 30% of things you actually studied because “That’s real life, kids.”
Now that Lan Wangji knows he’s the rabbit, Wei Wuxian uses his powers to do really dumbshit things like
Perve on Lan Wangji in the shower (Lan Wangji looks down, sees a little black nose under the cubicle door and is like “...”)
Perve on Lan Wangji while he’s changing in their room (Lan Wangji pulls off his shirt, sees a little black nose peeking out from under the bed, is like “...” and drops the shirt straight onto the rabbit’s head)
Upskirt Lan Wangji through his robes (Lan Xichen sees a little black shape running behind his brother in the halls, constantly darting forward to peek under the hem of his flowing robe and is like “...”)
Other things
When Lan Sizhui is five or six or something, he enters a stage of ultimate Lan-Wangji-hero-worship, where he dresses like his dad and follows him around, doing everything he does. So:
Lan Wangji sweeps down the school hallway, one arm in front and one arm behind (in true Chinese Gentleman Style), and a tiny Lan Sizhui follows behind, running slightly to keep up but also holding the same arm in front and the same arm behind.
Lan Wangji stops to look up at the moon, Lan Sizhui also stops to look up at the moon. Lan Wangji nods at students/his brother/a fellow teacher/his uncle, and tiny Lan Sizhui does the same, all the while darting little upwards glances at Lan Wangji to make sure he’s doing it right.
The students/Lan Xichen/teachers/Lan Qiren think this is adorable (”The Little Professor has graced me with his approval ;A;!”), so no one says anything in case Lan Sizhui gets self-conscious and stops.
And then before he knows it, Lan Sizhui has picked up all the things as habits and welp, this is who he is now.
In re: Wen Ning:
All the years Wei Wuxian is gone, with it being common knowledge that the Wen clan was completely wiped out in the War, Wen Ning thinks he’s alone and mostly wanders the Wizarding world by himself (not daring to go anywhere too populous in case he alarms people, but helping anyone he stumbles across if they’re in need - without being seen, if he can manage it).
Then Wei Wuxian comes back, and with him is Sizhui, and Wen Ning thinks, “Oh, I’m not alone! I have one family member and one friend!”
But actually, all the Gusu students have already adopted him, so he has an entire school of family, he just doesn’t know it yet.
One afternoon the students catch him playing two-man Quidditch with Wei Wuxian as goalie, and are like “!!! Why didn’t we think of that?!” so now Wen Ning plays in all the casual games, and the students fight over who gets to have them on their team.
In re: Mianmian: 
Mianmian spends the years following the War as a wandering cursebreaker, disarming all the nasty magical mines/traps/offensive spells that now litter the country, helping magical folk who don’t have enough skill/expertise to deal with the problems themselves, as well as any hapless muggles who get unwittingly caught.
She probably meets her husband when she saves him from something.
She becomes a teacher after Lan Xichen finds out about her exploits and invites her to come back.
When her muggle husband comes to visit her workplace, he’s like “So this is where you grew up. Wow.” and he’s not even amazed by the magic, it’s that he picked the same day that Jiang Cheng came to visit Jin ling, so a rabbit shoots down the hallway and up Lan Wangji’s robes, a dog goes chasing after it, a shouting purple man goes charging after that (firing spells and yelling for Wei Wuxian to “COME BACK HERE!”), while being half-held back by a ... ghost? and it’s total bedlam.
And Mianmian is just like “Yup.”
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What did the moment you realized/affirmed that losing your sight didn't mean losing all the things you've used to reading (ie social media/movies/books)? If you had to deal with it, that is, I've only recently followed you and might have missed something. I'm rather near sighted and my great grandmother (who raised my mom) was blind due to glaucoma not being treatable at the time. I got glasses at 9 thought I've been terribly near sighted since forever. So as a kid I used to think about maybe going blind a lot and I try to be conscious about blindness as much as I can. Reading and writing is such a major part of my life, I know I won't lose it should I lose my sight, but it's still made me hyper aware of accessibility in regards to sight.
So, I was usually okay with my vision loss as it happened. I certainly had bad days and breakdowns, but for the most part I was emotionally okay. I think a huge part of that was that I had exposure to blindness in media that wasn’t all bad rep, starting from when I was a kid:
1. My 4th grade language arts textbook had a short non-fiction story about a high school girl who was blind and what kind of changes she made, like having a cane and putting braille labels on everything. She still went to high school, had friends. There was a photo that was edited to be blurry in what I hope was a way similar to what she experienced. There was something incredible about it because to me she was just a normal person who saw differently, but her life was normal. Whoever wrote that short story did a good job if that was my takeaway at nine years old.
2. There were a few books I read around that age with disabled characters, including Of Sound Mind ( M C is hearing but his whole family is Deaf) and Things Unseen ( M C wakes up one morning invisible. While trying to solve the how and why of that he visits the library and physically runs into a blind girl. They start talking, he thinks she’s cute, it’s a romance. Cute story. I can’t remember if the girl was homeschooled or did special education, but part of her education was listening to audio books at the public library in pre-audible times. She also had a cane. I don’t remember much beyond that on accuracy)
Having books available to me as a kid with prominent disabled characters or stories about real blind people did normalize it for me
Don’t get me wrong, there was a lot of bad rep I found too, but it was easier to look at it and say, “I don’t think that’s quite right” because I had some good rep in there too.
3. At the school I attended from 7-9th grade, there was a girl a year or two older than me who was blind and I would see her every day between classes. I remember she had a cane one year, and then a black lab guide dog the next year. She also had a teachers aide going to classes with her. I remember she was in one of the advanced choir groups, but how I knew that was because in 6th grade my school took a field trip to that school to prepare us for middle school and we saw a choir performance which involved the girls singing and dancing, and after the performance my friend told me that one of the girls was blind and had a cane. (I was very nearsighted as a kid, I could not have seen that from where I was sitting)
I remember my thought process at that point, and it wasn’t “oh, so blind people can dance too.” It was, “oh, she must have worked hard to get the dancing right.”
4. There was a boy in my 9th grade English class who was blind, also had a cane and a teachers aide. I was too shy to talk to anyone, but I remember thinking he had chill vibes and that he was funny. He was one of the easier kids in that class to talk to.
That’s all the exposure I think I had before my vision loss symptoms began, which was when I was 17, though I had no way of knowing how serious those symptoms were going to become until I was in my twenties.
A big thing for comfortably transitioning (emotionally) with my vision loss was Molly Burke, who began her YouTube channel in 2015. I think I found her channel in the summer or fall of 2016, right as my symptoms began to evolve from “inconvenient” to painful, concerning, and difficult to deal with. She’s only a year older than me and while she came across more closed off and introverted in the early part of her YouTube career, she was incredibly personal and relatable. She had a career, she had lived alone in a big city, she traveled for work, and was incredibly independent.
But more importantly, she was independent because of the blindness life skills she had spent her life learning. O&M, Braille, using screen readers on her laptop and phone, shopping and picking her own outfits with a combination of touch and communicating with a sighted loved one. Having a set routine for everything, including makeup. She had her shit down because she’d practiced at it. So, reasonably, I could get my shit together if I took the time to learn how too.
Individual moments are harder to come by, but here is a distinct one:
-My first time using a cane was life changing because I wasn’t scared of my next two steps anymore and I could walk on my own again. The first moment of walking independently without anxiety was its own high, because I had taken a small part of my life and independence back.
For an essay, I would write: Through the internet, I found the disability community and blind role models who were living independent, happy lives because of the adapted life skills they learned.
I found my blind role models through the internet and studied what skills and changes they’d made to their lives and incorporated them into mine. 
(kind of a spin off on that, but it gave me the following sentences)
This meant reaching out to schools for the blind, and 
(which isn’t the prettiest sentence, but you’re looking at the first draft and my thought process. I pick the best bits and move forward with that. This whole process is me getting all my thoughts out and finding the most important details and translating them into something concise and simple)
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