#and my mom’s like. yea you can get a surgery so you don’t put any more weight on

[neon-vocalist]

did the mom really just suggest we go to mexico to get weight loss surgery…….

#i must stress i am in my EARLY FUCKING TEENS #i can’t even DRIVE yet #and my mom’s like. yea you can get a surgery so you don’t put any more weight on #it’s not legal here so i’ll take you to mexico ☺️ #i’m a child #a fucking child. and i’m already on a diet #and i’m not even unhealthy. i’m actively losing weight #i lost 10 pounds already. and i’ll lose more #i can’t do this shit anymore #vent

[veenxys]

— sunflower vol. 6

pairing; guitarrist!shinso x florist!reader

genre; fluff !

cw: 5,7k

tw: cursing

for a moment, shinso felt lost.

all his senses were filled with the soft yet firm scent of the flowers, the unique coloring of each one standing out like gold as the afternoon sun’s rays reflected off their soft, eye-catching petals, as if each flower is putting on its own show of beauty and purity for those who want to observe them.

“you need help?”

he turns around, a little startled. he looks at you for a few seconds; hair tied up, eyes tired from a long day but vivid, as if you were eager to help him, and a slight smile on your face of welcome.

“i..uhm…” he scratches the back of his head, looking down at his feet. he swallows hard and looks at you again, “my mom is recovering from surgery, i wanted to give her some flowers but well i don’t know which one” he giggles shyly and you just smile sideways with him before asking for him to follow you.

at first he walks carefully so the guitar on his back doesn’t touch or ruin any plants, but his once preoccupied mind is now too busy thinking how stupid he was when you showed up. he should have spoken more slowly, perhaps more elegantly, perhaps more firmly. damn, he feels so embarrassed.

“well,” you say arranging some flowers in front of you and turning to him, “orchids or tulips can be a good match as they are beautiful and unique flowers; they are perfect for any situation” you say gently indicating the flowers in the corner. its vivid and cheerful colors that make anyone smile, and that’s when shinso feels his heart calm down; because all it took was one calm look from you to tell him he was overthinking it, and in that moment as you turned to talk about the plants, he didn’t feel so lost.

“daisies can also be a good idea! we also have lilies, roses…” you say while looking at each of the flowers, as if you were talking affectionately to them in your own little world.

you then look at him and smile, his gaze is shining as he admires each flower in front of him, but confusion is still present in those lavender eyes.

“want a personal opinion?”

“yea… sure”

“sunflowers. they represent joy and are so special for many reasons; they can beautify any place..” you gently point out the various sunflowers in the corner, bright and in perfect sync with each other as the wind gently sways their blooms, “i’m sure your mother will like it” you smile at him and it takes a few seconds to smile back.

“i know she’ll like it..” he smiles at you, as if to say he’s made up his mind. he then approaches the sunflowers and looks one by one, looking for the one with the most elegance and brightness; and then he picks up one that is more hidden, which surprises you a little.

you gently pick up the sunflowers from his hands and he watches you patiently. his head tilts subtly to the side as he memorizes every little detail; the color of the flowers contrasting with your hair and clothes, the delicacy of your hands as you hold the sunflower as if they were the most precious thing of all, the sky becoming an explosion of yellow, pink and orange, the scent of flowers. everything is so... unique. so beautiful.

“need anything else?” you ask as he follows you to the counter so you can place the flower on a pretty paper.

“actually.. is there any way you could write a 'get well' card?”

“of course! what’s your name?” you ask while looking for the prettiest card.

“hitoshi… shinso hitoshi..”

you then lean over the counter and gently write a genuine get well wish, signed with shinso's name. and, as you write, he can't help but look at you - your face of concentration, how quickly and in detail you write, a lock of your hair loose from your ponytail falling into your face and you pulling it out once, twice before to give up because you know it will fall on your face again. he smiles but tries to hide it when you're done and puts the card inside the flowers.

"here.." you hand him the flowers and smile in thanks when he pays you.

"thank you."

"come back anytime, hitoshi" you say with a smile as you wave at him before going to talk to another customer.

he freezes for a few seconds as if his feet are deceiving him, as if he doesn't really want to go, as if he wants to stay here, with you, in this immensity of flowers and colors and smells. but his cell phone rings, and that's when he realizes he has to go.

"shinso? ugh, shinso!"

he startles, giving a slight jump in his chair before turning his focus back to the bakugo in front of him.

"what's your problem? you were already late and now you're looking like an idiot while playing a different song than we had planned today"

he did it again. he thought of you again and forgot about reality.

"sorry.. had a busy day"

"give him a break, bakugo." kirishima says, exchanging a silent thousand word look with bakugo, "let's start over" he punches shinso lightly on the shoulder before walking back to his seat.

bakugo adjusts the mic while looking hard at hitoshi as if he says "if you make the same mistake again, i'll kill you"

and shinso just laughs nervously before tuning the guitar chords.

and then the music starts. the room once filled with teasing and a peaceful atmosphere quickly becomes full and cheerful; shinso closes his eyes as he plays the guitar like it's the last thing he does, letting the sound take over his whole being as if his soul is in every chord, as if his heart beats for every sound. but then, for a second that seems like an eternity, he sees your face; everything he sees, he sees you, and he feels every second and every sensation on his skin, from the flowers, the smell, your smile, your closeness. everything.

and as if in a distant dream, he hears bakugo stop singing, kirishima lower the loud drums, denki stop playing his bass and from afar he feels the atmosphere becoming subtly more different, more extraordinary as he plays the solo guitar; only the sound of the chords fills the room as if the guitar has a life of its own, as if he's putting on his own show while he thinks of you.

then, his heart slowly calms down, his breathing subtly returning to normal as his fingers soften on the guitar; and then he stops. and silence fills the room.

he slowly opens his eyes and frowns when he comes back to real life and notices the three boys staring at him with surprised eyes and mouths open.

"holy shit.." denki says, flashing a huge smile as he looks at shinso who lowers his head and runs his hands through his hair, finally scratching the back of his head as if he's ashamed of the work of art he's just made.

“you need to do this on our show, man. everyone will love this.. this was so freaking good” kirishima says as he excitedly walks over to shinso, making him laugh.

“i hate to admit it, but that was fucking good… where did you learn to do that?” bakugou says, acting like he doesn't care too much like the other boys but the glint in his eyes is enough to show he's so excited.

where did he learn it? he thinks for a few seconds and then he remembers you. it was you; the person who kindly attended him at the flower shop earlier with the most beautiful and brightest smile he had ever seen, the person who wished his mother well with so much genuineness and love in his heart he could feel, the person who said his name so much softly as if honey drips from your lips, the person he fell in love with at first sight but doesn't know its name; like in a bad cliche movie that he would stop watching in the first few seconds.

“..i don't know” was all he managed to say as denki and kirishima continued with the same excitement as before and bakugo cursed them both to hurry up and get back to training. and you were all he could think about for the rest of the day.

yes, he knows he is late. but he doesn't care because after all, his 'mother' always comes first.

he walks slowly in the flower shop but his eyes are agile to look for you; he knows where the sunflowers are and he knows he can go get them himself, but well, he wants to tip you. he sees you on your back next to the lilies, for a moment he's not sure it's you, but when his heart starts beating faster and butterflies start dancing in his stomach, he's sure it's you.

“hey” he says shyly as he puts his hands in his pockets.

you turn around and smile as beautiful as the flowers behind you.

“hi, hitoshi! it's good to see you again, how is your mother?” your look of curiosity but also of concern makes his heart melt a little in his chest.

"she is fine. recovering well”

"i'm glad to hear this. came by the sunflowers again?”

“yes, could you help me?”

“of course i do” you smile before taking off the dirt-stained gloves you were wearing and placing them next to the lilies you were tending. he silently admires it all and bites his lip to keep from smiling.

he follows you through the flowers until he finds the same sunflowers again; a small colorful forest with a sweet smell and a unique atmosphere. this time he doesn't stay behind you, he stays by your side and sighs deeply as his eyes roam in detail each flower.

"this.. is perfect" he takes the sunflower by himself and admires for a few seconds the flower that is so beautiful and unique that it seems to be fake. he holds it so carefully - the same way you held it for him last time.

you smile and ask him to follow you to the counter, just like you did the last two times he was here; he hands you the flower and you wrap it carefully in paper. he looks intently at you and just realizes he was staring too hard when you need to ask him twice if he wants a card. you know what he will answer, but you need to ask.

“oh yes… it's for my mom again, she's not 100% good.." he said while avoiding your gaze.

“oh sure. hope she gets better soon” you say more to yourself than to him as you look for a card to match the color of the flowers. you lean over the counter and then you start writing and, like last time, he can't take his eyes off you.

he bites his lip to keep from smiling as he watches you do all the work; give the change of money, pack the flower, place the card and finally give it to him.

“thanks for the preference, hitoshi”

“it's me who thank you..” he looks at your chest where your name is written on the apron, “y/n”

he lowers his head and looks at you again before saying a soft “bye” and leaving, leaving you lost in the mix of his scent and the flowers, leaving you lost in him.

"something's wrong..." denki says as he pretends to be thinking deeply as if it's a math problem he needs to solve.

"what are you talking about?" bakugo asks not really caring much as he puts the mic in place.

“shinso… there's something wrong with him”

“why?” bakugo was already losing patience.

“damn look at him! he is different; more smiling, more inattentive and seems like... more nervous. have you seen how he got here? smiling as if he had won the lottery but at the same time… nervous. i don't know he's just weird"

bakugo looks at denki for a few seconds but looks away without replying or commenting on his thoughts.

"why don't we follow him?" kirishima says out of nowhere, causing denki to turn to him with a smile on his face as he gives a thumbs up, a gesture that kirishima repeats. denki and kirishima's smile is so big like they've just come up with the best idea ever and he can't wait to execute it and damn, bakugo hates them.

"fuck off.." bakugo says, more tired than ever. "for what? it doesn't matter to us"

“actually it does matter, he's playing great as fuck and i need to know why and how…” denki turns to bakugo with a 'isn't that obvious?' face.

bakugo rolls his eyes but it's no use, because denki and kirishima are already creating theories about what's going on as they try not so discreetly to follow shinso. he tries to get them to shut up for the third time in a row because they are talking too loudly, but when the three of them turn forward again, they lose sight of shinso.

the three of them mutter something before denki and kirishima walk more hastily, peering carefully into each and every shop as they look for a tall purple-haired boy with a guitar on his back. bakugou rolls his eyes as the two boys look at him as if it's a silent cry for him to help them find shinso. he didn't want to be here, they know that, and he also didn't want to believe that shinso was in the flower shop that none of the three of them even looked at because it was too unlikely a place.

but well, here he was, chatting casually as if he didn't have band rehearsal in a few minutes. they had never seen shinso like this, which leaves the three of them surprised and paralyzed; he was smiling, hectic, confident but scared. they've never seen anyone like that before.

“wait..is that y/n?” denki asks, squinting as if to make sure of the obvious.

“oh my, yes it is..but where do they know shinso from?” kirishima asks.

“well, we go to the same school as shinso..it must be from there”

the two almost let out high-pitched screams as they look at each other as bakugo grabs them by the shirt collar, pulling them away from the flower shop entrance, "he's coming you assholes" bakugo says as they turn their backs to the entrance as they try to blend in with some others people who passed by. kirishima curses and denki grumbles, but when the three look back shinso was already walking not so hastily while holding a bouquet in his hands, they couldn't see which flower but they knew shinso was in love with.

what should they do now? follow shinso and find out who that bouquet was for or go into the flower shop and talk to their old classmate who managed to make shinso smile so hugely it made them sick to their stomachs?

the three look at each other but kirishima takes the lead, making the decision for everyone.

“oh, hey, y/n! it's been so long!" he says casually as he wraps you in a tight hug, the one that always made you hit his chest while cursing him for being too strong.

“hey,” you say a little breathlessly as he pulls away from you, “hey you guys, it's been so long since i've seen you!” your smile is bright and captivating, which makes denki and kirishima smile back.

"we don't have all day.. where do you know shinso from?" bakugo says dry and fast.

“first good afternoon bakugo, how are you? how's your day going? second, go fuck yourself”

you say and the two boys laugh, making bakugo roll his eyes, “why do you want to know that?”

"uhm.. i don't know if we can tell now.. just answer us... please" denki says before bakugo can open his mouth.

you take a deep breath, taking off your gloves smeared with wet dirt and some small green leaves.

“well… he's my friend. he started coming here a while ago to buy flowers for his mother who had had a surgery.. by the way is she okay?”

the boys look at each other, a silent question floating in the air.

"well yes she is, it's been a while since she had this surgery.. and it was no big deal, she's recovered-" bakugou covers denki's mouth with his hand.

"and the flowers he buys... are they for her?"

"yes. he asks me to make her a get well card every time.. he is really considerate” you say the last words more to yourself than to the three boys in front of you as you try to hide a soft smile from breaking into yours lips. you shake your head as if coming out of your daydream, “what were you saying, denki?”

"anything. he wouldn't say anything.” bakugo interrupts before denki could speak again. “actually… we would like to invite you to our show”

denki and kirishima look at each other but smile at you; and something in their smile made you a little scared.

“you know, we're forming a band now. and i think it would be cool if you went to see shinso play; he would appreciate it very much”

"oh yes, he told me about the band..but he didn't tell me about the show"

“he must have forgotten,” kirishima says as she puts an arm around you, “you know him, he's kind of slow” you hit him lightly on the stomach and he grimaces.

“alright, i'll go. just send me the time and address" your tone of voice is casual and your face peaceful, but in reality you feel your heart beating in your throat.

kirishima quickly took his phone out of his pocket and texted you with all the information you needed. bakugo ruffled your hair in farewell and denki and kirishima looked at you expectantly, and in that moment you knew you needed to go to that show, not just for you, but for shinso.

it was hot in there.

you took off your jacket as you walked slowly through the underground bar the boys would play while trying to look for a familiar face.

the atmosphere of the place was indescribable; a mixture of excitement at the sight of the small stage set up in the corner, with its bright fixtures and a not-so-bright but not-so-dark spotlight. people from different places and histories would gather there for drinks that would probably give them a headache tomorrow, but now none of that mattered.

you sit at the bar, putting your jacket on your lap while ordering something to drink from the bar guy who promptly leaves to make your drink and, before you can take a second to assimilate so much information and noise pollution from loud music and people talking and laughing, a woman sits next to you.

she wore a dark cardigan and tucked it around her body as she sat down, she just lifted her finger as if ordering another drink and the bartender smirked at her and nodded as he placed your drink in front of you.

you take a sip, feeling the sweet drink burn your throat and stomach; you try to hide a grimace but you can't help but press your lips together.

“oh i loved this drink at your age,” the woman starts talking with a genuine smile on her lips and suddenly all your attention goes to her, “i don't really like it these days..but part of me is happy to know it's my son's favourite, it brings back good memories”

you smile at her and she quickly returns it.

“to be honest, it's the first time i've had anything like this” you say casually as you looks at your drink, “but i can already say it's one of my favorites”

she smiles and looks at her glass again.

"you are alone?"

“uhm..yes, i think.i came to see my friends play” you look at the stage as you speak and look at her again; there's something so strangely familiar and comforting about her, as if you've seen her before.

"oh so you know my son?" you frown, "shinso, do you know him?" she smiles to herself.

and then you understand why she looks so familiar.

but what the hell was she doing here, looking so good and even drinking if a few days ago shinso bought her flowers because she was recovering from surgery?”

“yes, i know him! i'm look forward to seeing him play” you say excitedly as you brings the glass to your lips again. when you put the glass back on the counter, you find yourself asking “i'm sorry to bring up a sensitive topic, feel free to ignore it but.. are you feeling better from your surgery? shinso went to the flower shop where i work to buy flowers for you and i-"

“oh yes honey, i'm great. i don't know if i can call it surgery,” she laughs as she shakes her head, “it was just a minor medical procedure; i recovered the other day but you know shinso, always so attentive and kind.. i still keep the sunflowers he gave me, unfortunately they are dying but for me they will always be alive. and i suppose you made the card, right? that was very kind of you, thank you” she smiles widely and you smile back. but feeling the drink turn in your stomach.

if it was just a minor procedure, then why did shinso go to your flower shop every week? why did he always ask you to make a get-well card when his mother had already gotten better? and why didn't he give the other flowers to his mother? this is very wrong and confusing, but before you can think about it anymore the lights in the bar dim, giving full focus to the small stage in the corner.

and the boys come in one by one and settle into their seats, and then you see shinso; he wore a simple black blouse that marked his chest a little too much, a few small and large tattoos down his left arm, and a few silver rings glinting on his fingers as he tuned his guitar. he takes a deep breath and while one hand holds the guitar, the other goes to his knee, he gives a light squeeze with his eyes closed and when he opens them, he runs his hand through his hair.

his eyes roam around the bar; encountering familiar faces he struggled to smile gently through the anxiety and unfamiliar faces he quickly looked away. and then he saw his mother, and his smile grew. she smiled widely and waved at him as a reminder of “i'm here!” and then he smiled; the kind of smile that you close your eyes and feel your heart flutter with joy, the kind of smile that makes you smile back.

and that's when he saw you, and he didn't know what to do. his heart was a mixture of joy and nervousness, his smile happy but confused, the world disappearing around him as he looked at you and only you, but all that disappeared from his veins to give way to fear and sadness; you were there, beside his mother, and the two of you seemed to have met. you probably figured out his lie and his smile faded to a face of shock as he swallowed, he shouldn't have done that, he knows, but he couldn't help it.

the show started and he couldn't look at you again; constantly distracting his eyes between the guitar and his feet tapping lightly to the chords he played so easily. he swallows and closes his eyes briefly, but he misses a chord and his anxiety goes into overdrive. bakugo continues singing as if nothing has happened but he knows he has been stressed, they trained for weeks for this and no failure would be tolerated, neither for his anxiety nor for bakugo.

but no matter how much he tries to ignore it, he still feels the weight of your gaze on him and against his will, his eyes are quick to meet yours; he expected to see some hint of anger at his lie, or something like surprise or irony that he'd missed a chord, but all he found there was love. you were looking at him the same way you looked at him the first, second and third time he went to buy flowers, nothing changed in your gaze and in your admiration for him and he could see it in the way you smiled hugely, as if you were so proud and happy to see him there.

he felt his heart tighten and accelerate in his chest and he smiled back, finding in your smile a reason to give his best tonight, and that's what he did.

his nimble and talented guitar fingers made people clap or talk about how good he is, but he didn't care because all he thought about at that moment was you; he pictured himself playing for you, he pictured your encouraging smile, he pictured you throwing your arms around his neck and pulling him into a tight hug at the end of a song, he pictured you, he saw you, he needed you.

they didn't play much that night, but it was enough to leave the small audience yearning for more; each had such a unique and special talent as if the boys had been made to meet at some point in their lives. while people clapped or shouted, he looked at you as you applauded him with a huge bright smile on your face, hands clasping tightly to the guitar as if the instrument were the only thing keeping him sane at that moment, as if holding him in real life and not letting him float in the immensity of his thoughts. he sighs deeply and lets a relieved, affectionate smile escape his lips. he did it, and it was for you.

after the show and after the nerves had calmed down, the boys started to spread out around the bar after leaving their instruments in place. shinso stares at his guitar for a few seconds, what is he going to say to you? how will he explain to you? he doesn't know, but he does know that the overwhelming need to talk to you grows with every second inside him, and before he can think of anything else, he feels a hand on his arm.

you smile, "hey"

"hey.." he presses his lips together and puts his hands in his pockets, not knowing what to say.

"you were amazing today" your tone was genuine even though it was a little louder than usual due to the noise of the people around, which made him feel out of place. he grimaces like he doesn't understand what you say and before you can repeat he gently takes your wrist and gives you a sympathetic look and you quickly realize what he means. he takes you to the back of the bar and opens a door, leading to a small garden overlooking the road; yellow lamps hanging from a long wire that covered the whole place, making everything even more calm and cozy.

the cold wind welcomes you with a hug as he waits for you to go through the door first, you hug your body as you take small steps forward, looking at the lamps above you as shinso closes the door; the incessant rumble of conversation, laughter, glasses of toast and 90s rock music could still be heard muffled behind you. you turn and look at him who runs his hands through his hair and then scratches the back of his head.

you know he's confused and lost and anxious, and you hate to see him like that.

“you must be wondering why i came, right?” he looks at you and his eyes widen a little, as if you've read his mind. "well, denki invited me. i didn't know you were doing a show this weekend and i confess i was a little upset that you didn't invite me"

“i’m sorry” his voice is low but you know he meant it, “i didn't know you wanted to come.”

“of course i did, shinso. you are my friend and i had told you once that i wanted to hear you play.. do you remember that day? when i asked you about why you always carried a guitar on your back? it was that day. that you bought the prettiest sunflowers i've ever seen... and well, i met your mom, she's adorable.” you say the last sentence in a playful tone but deep down, deep down you were hurt.

why did he lie to you?

he lowers his head and then looks at you.

silence fills the atmosphere and you both stare at each other for a few seconds before shinso leans against the small fence that was there, “look… my mom had a medical procedure yes and i took the flowers to her the first time, but … fuck i couldn't help it i started thinking about you all the time i kept looking at the little card with your handwriting and even the happy face you put in the corner. i couldn't stop thinking about you or the flowers or on your face of concentration as you wrote the note.. that's why i kept coming back; for you.”

his confession comes so easily from his lips that you startle; but his mind was a whirlwind of feelings, thoughts, scenarios... everything. but in that moment he just surrendered to the moment, letting his emotions speak louder because he knew he wouldn't have a moment like this again and, if he did, he wouldn't be able to say everything that's been stored inside him for so long.

you smile, a smile that turns into a laugh. you run your hand through your hair and say something like “how crazy” while laughing to yourself. shinso freezes in place, not knowing what to think or say.

“they stopped delivering sunflowers to the flower shop a while ago... sunflowers were always left out there; everyone preferred orchids or roses. and when you bought that sunflower that's when i knew these flowers are as special as any other.. i reserve them for you, because i knew you would come back. rarely when someone came to buy it i said we didn't have it or something, because i was waiting for you...” your last words come out low as you play with your fingers, not knowing what to say next .

he is silent, and all you can hear is the muffled noise of the people inside. you take a deep breath and before you know it, he stops in front of you; he gently lifts your chin with one finger and takes a lock of your hair and puts it behind your ear, his thumb strokes your cheek so lightly it tickles you, you smile and he continues with his mouth slightly open, your eyes bright as you look closely at every detail of your face. his hand slides to the back of your neck and holds you for a few seconds before moving closer.

“i always knew it was you”

and then you kiss him, because honestly, he was taking too long.

his free hand goes to your waist and pulls you closer to him, leaving light grips and caresses that made you melt against him. one hand of yours went to the back of his neck, slowly stroking his soft hair - which made him shiver - while your other hand went to his chest; his heart was so racing and strong that you couldn't help but smile during the kiss and god, he didn't know this night could get any more perfect. he was so loving and gentle and careful with you, as if you were made of glass and he was taking all the care in the world not to break you.

you separate but he doesn’t get tired of you, he leaves a soft peck in the corner of your mouth; he takes your face with both hands and begins to spread affectionate pecks, some quick and others long on your lips while saying something like “you have no idea how long i’ve been wanting to do this” and you can’t help but smile as your hands instinctively hold his wrists affectionately as he enjoys every second of you. he smiles too and gives you one last peck before walking away.

“i don’t want us to be apart anymore. ever.” he says, leaning his forehead against yours. he closes his eyes and just enjoys this moment; completely surrendering to your warmth and love that floats silently through the atmosphere, leaving the two of you trapped in your own little world.

“you know i'm not going anywhere” your voice is low but he knows you said it with your heart. you stroke the hair on the back of his neck and he sighs against you before whispering against your lips “could this be something more?”

you smile against him; a happy but at the same time silly smile as if he’d just said the silliest thing ever.

“i don’t think we were just friends.. we were always something more.” he is silent, remembering and experiencing in his skin all the small but special moments he spent by your side; buying flowers, telling your random things about his life, or just watching you do your work.

“will you come to all my shows?” he asks playfully while pulling his face away from yours a little so he can see you better, but still holding you so close to him.

“only if you give me sunflowers.. with very sappy cards, you know?”

he laughs, throwing his head back and staring up at the starry sky; giving a sincere smile as if thanking the universe for this moment, for every second, for you.

“i promise, my little sunflower.”

you smile and kiss him again, completely losing yourself in the labyrinth of his lips as the stars shine a little brighter above the two of you.

#bnha imagines #mha imagines #shinso x reader #shinso imagine #shinso fic #shinso fluff #shinso x y/n #shinso x you #shinsou fluff #bnha shinso hitoshi #hitoshi shinso imagine #hitoshi shinso x reader #hitoshi shinso x y/n #bnha #mha #x reader #fanfiction #mha x reader #bnha x reader

[didfusion]

Something to explain about us is that we have multiple alts that can fuse together and aren’t always active, we are currently writing an introduction to everyone written by themselves but it will probably be updated a bit. (Note we suck at names)

Steven - Everyone merged - he/him

Hi there, I’m Steven, and yes I know that the show Steven Universe has fusion and junk, I’m not that creative with names.

Despite this I like writing, I like coming up with scenarios that characters normally wouldn’t be put in and asking “what if this happened?” Me and technically Steve actually work on writing stuff, I say technically since we fuse to do it

I absolutely HATE how nobody is giving cartoons proper attention because “it’s a cartoon so therefore it must be for kids” it drives me crazy, I will rant for literally hours explaining how annoying it is, and if you think that’s long wait until I get the the Velma show!I guess that makes sense for a ambavert ADHD autism filled guy though so??????

It’s weird being able to exist one second then the next, not? It’s hard to describe, while fused there’s a sense of wholeness but loneliness and while unfused it’s the opposite. Though I guess I get the best of both worlds though.

Steve - Front - he/him

Hey there, I’m Steve. I’m not exactly “Steven but less” but I’m more like “Core aspects extracted” if that makes sense. (It probably doesn’t -Sans)

I am a writer and I love to hyper focus on dissecting characters to explained how they work, that’s actually one of the differences between me and Steven.

I am more introverted so I can do what I want without anyone bothering me. Fun memory, I remember walking around my city when I’d fall half asleep and separate, leaving Ren would have to walk back (I yea, remember that - Ren)

I also have the highest pain tolerance because my body is trash and constantly aches, whenever I get a bad ache while split I am basically shoved into the front seat because no one else can handle it (Oh yea… I remember THAT - Ren)

Ren - Protector - he/him

Hi there, I’m Ren. I kinda act like the guard of everyone, though everyone is to much of a coward to let me front with someone near by.

I speak my mind, unlike everyone else who only speak up when someone ELSE is in trouble. I don’t like our parents since they caused us a lot of trouble (they are good people, we are just different Ren, don’t blame them for random human junk - Steve)

I am also the ONLY person that uses swears normally!!! Everyone else uses the mom censored ones

Theo - Inner child - they/them

Hello I’m Theo!

I like talking to people, playing with our cat, playing games with people, walking around, taking our cat for walks, talking about what we like, sweets, and swimming!

I REALLY like taking about stuff but I think I’m mute, I don’t really like talking, Steven and Steve also didn’t like their voice but after our wisdom tooth surgery thing a wile ago, our voice got better and stopped cracking and stuff, I still can’t talk to people though.

I mostly just do the physical work everyone talks and stuff, I don’t do complicated stuff though so I just walk and sweep and stuff, I like painting but we haven’t painted on paper yet, I also like modeling and making stuff to!

Shadow - Caution - he/him

(he’s basically Celeste Part of you, just worse. Also fuck you shadow - Ren)

Sans - Inner calm - he/him

To everyone who automatically assumed I was a pun loving skeleton, sorry to disappoint but we just suck at names.

To be honest though I don’t really care what you think as long as you can separate your mental image of undertale sans and me, I don’t care what you think of me, I roll with whatever is going on.

Beside Theo I do most of the fronting when Steve/Steven is on autopilot, I probably took his job when I appeared. I do damage control whenever everyone is in a panic, though they usually keep spiking adrenaline and running around the mindscape while I do things.

I really like music actually, though Steven doesn’t listen to any big bands so I don’t know any bands or anything, I mean I wouldn’t bother to remember them anyway but still.

(Ann?) - Freedom - she/her

(We don’t know a lot about her yet, it feels like she’s there but not outspoken enough to be actively speaking when not… poked with a stick. - Steven)

#ask blog #did system #alternative #did alter

[brokensilenceee]

I was told at 18, when endometriosis was first mentioned, that if I wanted to have kids I’d have to have them young for any chance of success. At 23 I was finally diagnosed and I understood that the older I got the higher my chances of complications or miscarriage would be because of it. But all I could think was thank god I finally got diagnosed after fighting and suffering for 10 years. Finally I was believed. Yea I was stressed about the clock I felt was put on me and the affordability of treatment options but at least I had an answer for all my pain. There were options out there wether they’d be realistic for me or not. Having kids was a bridge I would cross if and when the time came and I would hopefully get help with if I needed it. But now I don’t know what will happen. I don’t feel safe. My state could easily ban abortion if we lose in November. I was scared for abortion rights and my choice already but I don’t think I ever thought of it beyond that. I didn’t realize there was another side to worry about. The danger of my health during all of this is only now hitting me. It’s terrifying to know that if I got pregnant and something happened it could easily come down to a choice between my life and jail time. Or the fact that when they come after contraception next, I could lose the only form of treatment I have that keeps me from being bed bound, stops my periods, and quiets my symptoms. I wonder if surgery options will end up being affected because at the end of the day my IUD only masks the symptoms, it doesn’t stop it the growth, and I know I will end up on the operating table again. How do I discuss my condition with my doctor if we shouldn’t tell them about our periods anymore because endometriosis is all about my reproductive system. Will I continue to be able to get whatever treatment I need or will that be taken away too because at the end of the day my uterus being intact is more important to old white men than my actual life… I grew up being told I’d have kids one day. That’s how I was raised and I didn’t really question it. I think I’d like to be a mom but I don’t know if this is the world I’d want to bring more life into. I don’t know if that’s fair. But it should be my choice to make and right now I don’t know how a person would decide that. I miscarried once as a teenager when statistically my chances were better. It’s hard for me to think it wouldn’t happen again. Knowing that how can I make that choice? There’s so much potential risk now. And then again, will there even be a choice for me to make if and when the time comes or will it be completely out of my hands? I don’t know how to wrap my mind around any of that. I don’t know how to feel anything but helpless… For the people in states that will ban overnight, I see you, I stand with you, and hope that you can stay safe.

#I wrote this late last night #I tried to sleep but of course I couldn’t #I just feel so numb and beaten down #I was already depressed because of other health things and other issues #now I just don’t know #I don’t know how to live in the world anymore that clearly wasn’t made for me #and I can’t move because I need to live close to people that help me with daily living #fuck america #fuck chronic illness #fuck the people doing this #just fuck man #endometriosis #chronic illness #abortion #abortion rights #my body my fucking choice

[tngrace]

Finding My Happy

My dearest Max, happy birthday dude! I hope you have the best day ever and I hope you enjoy this! Thanks for letting me add the missing Judd/TK and missing Tarlos moments from the last episode. I truly hope you enjoy this.

Read on A03.

As always thanks @moviegeek03 for helping me iron out the finer details and the support. It means the world 💙

After their little talk that morning about the news TK received the night before, Judd knows something major is up when TK leaves his father's office with a simultaneously pissed off and kicked puppy look on his face. "TK," he calls out, but TK just brushes past all of them.

Judd sees the questioning looks from the others and just shakes his head at them. "I'll take him," he says heading in the direction TK went.

He finds TK outside pacing the front of the firehouse. "Hey. Take a breath," Judd says, laying a hand on TK's shoulder. TK tries to shrug him off, but Judd just gives his shoulder a squeeze and holds him still. "You wanna go out again? Talk?" He questions when TK won't say anything.

TK looks at him with those sad eyes and a nod, and Judd squeezes his shoulder in response knowing he'd do anything with TK giving him that look. "Gimme five and we'll go," Judd tells him as TK nods again wringing his hands. Just as they're loading up in the truck, questioning looks from the others still firmly in place, the alarm sounds and TK groans.

Judd gives him an apologetic look as TK jumps out to gear up and climb in the back. Once everyone is in, Judd takes off leading them to their call. Owen is giving out the information from dispatch, but TK is a little zoned out. The call is easy, routine, and TK was rather impressed that Pearce was able to save someone. He knows Owen can feel the attitude he's giving off, but he can't help it. His dad's comment hurt more than he wants to admit.

Once back at the station, he grabs a bite to eat before he and Judd try once more to have their conversation. "You gonna tell me what's up? Or am I gonna have to pull it out of ya?" Judd eventually asks as they sit in the firetruck and TK doesn't even attempt to start it. 

"It's just something dad said earlier. It just…." TK trails off, biting at his lip as he hangs his head. 

"TK you can tell me anything," Judd reminds him squeezing his shoulder. Judd hates the kicked puppy look TK seems to have perfected. It makes him hurt for his brother. 

"Dad had me sign papers earlier. Signed his power of attorney over to me. Said he's gonna have that cancer surgery in two weeks, the one I've been bugging him to do." 

"That's great bud. I know you've been on him about it," Judd says knowing that would be a relief for TK. 

"Yea…. Well," TK sighs running his hands through his hair tugging at it. "I asked him why he was finally going to do it. And you know what he said?" 

TK's eyes drop to his lap, his hands twitching and wringing with nervous energy. Before they can go any further, their radios crackle to life with a call. Luckily they're right near the firehouse, and after a quick switch of drivers they're back at the station. Judd so wants to know what Owen said to devastate TK like this, but it's gonna have to wait. TK grabs his gear from Paul, and jumps in the back with the others. He can see TK in the mirror zoning out again as Owen talks. He is determined to get to the bottom of this after this call. 

Upon arrival, the two captains converse with the Travis Co Sheriff's Officer on site as the team hangs back waiting for a game plan. TK can already feel the adrenaline starting to course through his body as Owen details out what they need. "You good?" Judd asks him and TK nods reassuringly even though he can tell Judd doesn't buy it. 

He can't help but overhear the conversation with the new guy as everyone else gathers what Owen requested and Judd keeps tabs on the bomb squad. TK hates that his dad is always putting himself in the most dangerous situations, but he knows he can't do anything about it either because Owen wouldn't listen to him. When he hears the new guy declining to go, he knows he needs to speak up and save two captains from being in danger. 

"I'll go," he says getting looks not only from his team, but also both captains. He can almost see the objections on his dad's tongue, so he continues before Owen can object. "I was a dual-function FD medic in New York. All my certifications are up to date. I can do this," he says almost daring his dad to contradict him. 

Owen just nods and tells him to suit up. Captain Vega prepares the bag he will need while Judd pulls TK to the side to help him suit up. "What the hell are you thinking?" He practically growls at TK. 

"That kid needs saving and it was better than both captains risking their lives," he says, stripping down to his undershirt. Judd straps his chest harness around him as TK puts on his helmet. "I'm fine. You're not gonna lose anyone else," TK says quietly to which Judd just grunts. TK knows he's worried, but TK honestly feels steady. 

Jumping through a minefield had his blood pumping and his adrenaline flowing. He almost forgot what Owen had said earlier as he zoned in on work. The call goes faster than TK expects even though his dad almost got blown up. TK felt steady, felt sure of what he was doing and keeping Wes alive. It felt good to get back to the medic side of calls. Once the bomb squad cleared a path for them, TK helped load the boys into the ambulance. 

Before TK could volunteer to ride along with them, Judd pushed him towards the firetruck. TK knew their conversation was far from over, but having a good call helped refocus him. Once back at the station, Judd pulls TK out to the side yard. "That was fool-headed and stupid," Judd starts, but he pulls TK into a tight hug. "And also badass as hell. You did good," he says, making TK shake him off with a nervous laugh. He's still not good at taking praise for just doing his job. 

"Thanks. It felt… it felt good," he says with a shoulder shrug and bashful smile. 

"We'll get back to this," Judd says as they sink into some chairs. "Wanna tell me what your dad said now?" 

TK sighs as he bites his lip, his eyes dropping. He knew Judd wouldn't forget, and he knew he needed to talk about it. He just wanted to ride the adrenaline high a little longer. "I asked him why he was finally doing the surgery. He said…." TK sighs and Judd can see he's fighting tears. "He said because he's going to be a father," TK gets out quietly not looking at Judd. 

Judd is stunned. He didn't think Owen could be so callous to TK. He has to bite back a growl of anger on TK's behalf. "I mean…. I know he's happy about a new baby, and it's their…. Their second chance to get it right and not screw this one up.... but I just… " 

"TK stop!" Judd says forcefully interrupting TK's self-degradation, reaching for TK's shoulder giving it a squeeze. "You are not a screw up, you hear me?" Judd searches his eyes trying to make sure TK hears him and believes him. "You're not. And I don't give a damn how happy he is about another kid. That doesn't give him the right to ignore and hurt the one he's already got. Just because you're an adult, doesn't make you any less his kid." 

"Thanks Judd," TK says quietly. "Dad's… dad's always just been dad," he shrugs. "He wasn't around much as a kid, and then mom worked, and I just... I figured things out on my own, made some bad decisions, some not so bad…. And I became a firefighter so I could be a part of his family finally." TK hates painting his dad in this bad light, but he's just trying to be honest with someone who's always honest with him. "He's always had a hero complex and when I need saving he's there. And then he finds someone or something else that needs saving, and that's that. I'm used to it, but I dunno. It just…. It hurt this morning ya know?" TK finishes, his eyes dropping back to his folded hands. 

"Of course it did. And you have every right to feel that way, and express how you feel TK." 

TK scoffs as he finally looks at Judd. "He wouldn't listen if I said something. He'd tell me I misheard him or something. Hell he didn't even notice anything after he said it, and I know I don't have that good of a poker face," TK says with a shrug. "But that last call, it felt good. It felt right. It made me forget what he’d said for minute.  I haven't done medical since New York for obvious reasons, but it just…. I don't know it felt really good." 

"TK you were a total badass out there today. If this is something you want you should go for it. I doubt Pearce is gonna last with Tommy. I'd say he's already out the door," Judd says looking back at the firehouse. 

"Yea but…" he trails off with a deep sigh. 

"But what? You've got the qualifications and the experience. You proved yourself today for sure. Tommy would be lucky to have you." 

"But what about us? The team? Dad?" He trails off quietly.

"TK we're still a team, a family. That's not gonna change just because you move over to medical. We're gonna support whatever you want to do because that's what family does. If this is something you want you should go for it." Judd’s quiet for a moment contemplating his next words. He reaches over, squeezing TK's shoulder, making him look at him. "You don't have to do everything exactly like your dad did. You have a family that loves you and supports you, and if he's too stupid to see that, that's on him. You have to do what makes you happy, bud. And if medical is what's gonna do it, then I say go for it." 

TK nods, taking in Judd's words. "Think you could sneak me an application just in case?" TK asks him with a sly grin. 

"Yea… yea of course. Think it over, but you've always got our support," Judd says squeezing TK's shoulder one more time before heading inside. And if he decides to detour by Owen's office to give him a piece of his mind, then TK doesn't have to know. TK sits there for another minute before going to find the rest of the team to see what their thoughts are on this development.

He finds the rest of them in the kitchen. He jumps up on the counter, grabbing some chips to snack on as they hear footsteps coming down the stairs. Pearce has his bag over his shoulder, and says his goodbyes. "And another one bites the dust. Man Vega's got them dropping like flies over there," Paul chuckles. 

"Must be tough," Mateo chimes in. 

Before TK thinks it through he opens his mouth, "She's tough. So is the job. It was… um.. it was pretty exciting though," he says with a grin and a shrug jumping off the counter. 

"You should get his paycheck for this week and yours," Marjan says as Mateo chimes in, "Yea you were a badass out there." 

TK chuckles as he shakes his head at Mateo's enthusiasm. "Thanks guy," he says bashfully. "I uh… I wanted to ask you all something." He notices three sets of eyes fall on him immediately, and he can't help but nervously chew on his bottom lip. "I uh… Judd and I were talking just a bit ago…. And I just… I wanted to see…" 

"Yes," Paul says before TK can even finish, making the other two look at him strange. He gives them a shrug and a smirk having already figured out where TK was going with this. "That's not fair," comes from Marjan, and "Let him finish," from Mateo making Paul and TK both chuckle. 

Paul's unwavering support gave TK the boost he needed to spit it out. "I wanted to see how you all would feel or what you all would think if I applied for Vega's open position. Judd seemed to think it was a good idea, but I don't want to… I don't want to mess this up," he says gesturing between the four of them. 

"Yes," Paul says again as the other two appear to be in shock. TK turns to them biting at his lip as Paul clears his throat and shoots them a look. 

"TK I think you would be amazing at it," Marjan says squeezing his arm. Mateo is the only one not to say anything until Marjan nudges him. "Yea.. You'd be great at it TK. I wasn't kidding when I said you were badass today." 

"Are you sure?" TK asks, getting three nods in return. "Aren't you worried about this changing things?" He asks them gesturing between them once more. 

"No," Paul and Marjan say at the same time. "We're all still a part of the same house. We're all still gonna hang out at Carlos's. We're still family TK. That will never change," Paul finishes getting agreement from the other two. 

"Thanks guys," he says with that bashful grin again. "I wanna talk to Carlos first, but I think I really want this." 

"Vega will be lucky to have you," Marjan says. They all three converge on him for a hug before Paul gets called away and shift ends. When TK grabs his bag, he sees the application Judd must have slipped in there and smiles. He tells his team bye, barely gets goodbye out to his dad, before he's heading towards home, to Carlos's. 

Carlos was just finishing up dinner when he hears the key in the door and his boyfriend walks in. "Hey babe," TK calls, dropping his duffle at the door and kicking his shoes off.

"Don't think you're out of the doghouse," Carlos says trying to be gruff, but he opens his arms to TK for a hug and a kiss. 

"You heard?" TK says cocking his head to the side and scrunching his nose adorably. 

"Did I hear that my boyfriend went jumping through a minefield?" Carlos asks with a contemplative look. "Yes… yes of course I did because the bomb squad couldn't quit talking about it." 

TK pouts and Carlos just finds it too adorable. He gives TK a soft kiss as he squeezes him gently. "Did I also hear that said boyfriend saved two kids' lives and was a total badass about it? Yea I heard that too," he smiles kissing TK's scrunched nose. 

"Who told you that part?" TK asks, adorably confused. 

"Judd sent me a text while they were watching y'all jump through the field. Then he let me know you were fine and had done a stellar job." 

TK gives him a bashful smile finally letting Carlos get back to plating their dinner. "Yea it was pretty cool," TK says, getting two glasses of tea as Carlos brings their food to the table. "I uh… I haven't felt that good on a call in a long time," TK says barely meeting Carlos's eyes. He has the support of his team, but he's still nervous about telling Carlos what he wants. 

"Yea? That had to make for a good day then right?" Carlos asks, picking up on TK's nerves but not pushing him. 

"Mmmm yea," TK says with a nod as he digs into the delicious as always food. "That part of the day was good. The rest…." He trails off with a shrug. 

"Wanna talk about it?" 

"Eh… dad just made some comment that hurt," TK says shrugging it off. 

"TK your feelings are valid no matter what he says, you know that right?" Carlos asks, laying his hand over TK's. He knows TK and Owen have their spells where Owen won't listen and makes TK feel unheard and insignificant. But he wants TK to know it's ok to feel what he feels and to voice those feelings. 

"Judd said the same thing," TK says, finally meeting his eyes. 

"Then maybe you should start believing it," Carlos smiles. 

"Yea… and then the call today. It just…. It got me thinking," TK says pushing his plate away and climbing into Carlos's lap straddling him. He wants the comfort of being close to his boyfriend. 

"Yea? Thinking about what?" Carlos asks, wrapping his arms around TK’s waist. 

"What I really wanna do. Today was so invigorating and I felt really good about it. I felt confident and sure of myself. Something I haven't felt on the job since New York. And I talked it over with Judd and the rest of the crew, and I think…" he trails off biting his lip. Carlos rubs his back and softly kisses his lips to get him to stop biting it. "I think I want to apply to Captain Vega's open paramedic position." 

Carlos gives him a soft smile and softly kisses his forehead. "I think with that big caring amazing heart of yours that you will make an amazing paramedic," Carlos murmurs.

"Yea?" 

"Yes baby. I think you would rock at it." 

TK lets out a breath he didn't realize he was holding as he lights up. "Would you maybe wanna help me type up this resume then?" TK grins toying with the buttons on Carlos's polo. "I mean I can do it, but I'd…" 

Carlos kisses him to interrupt him. "Yes. I will," he grins. 

They finish dinner, and Carlos clears the plates as TK gets his laptop. They type out TK's resume for the paramedic application, and Carlos is honestly impressed. He already knew TK had been on the job straight from high school, but he didn't realize what great scores TK had on his tests or how many commendations of Valor he had already racked up. "Baby this is impressive," Carlos says in awe. 

TK blushes and shrugs him off.  "Captain Vega is going to be lucky to have you," Carlos says kissing TK's forehead. "You said you talked to the team, so what did your dad say?" Carlos asks. He knows TK said Owen had made a hurtful comment and he's trying not to push TK, but he is curious. 

"I haven't told him," TK says with a shrug. Carlos wrinkles his forehead at that, setting the laptop on the coffee table and pulling TK into his lap. 

"I see. Do you wanna tell me what happened?" Carlos asks him softly. TK bites his lip before recounting the conversation with Owen earlier and what Judd told him. TK can feel Carlos's anger, and he runs his hands through Carlos's curls to try and calm him. Carlos takes a couple deep breaths knowing this is about TK, not him. 

"TK, I'm going to agree with Judd on this one. I know sometimes your dad speaks before he thinks, and I don't like how he makes you feel insignificant and unimportant. Because you are the most important person and you deserve to feel how you feel. I get why you don't want to tell him, but he's going to find out and you're gonna have to talk at some point." 

Carlos runs his hand up and down TK's back, "But no matter what, I'm going to support you, and I'm going to love you, and I'm always going to be here no matter what. This is your home too, and you’re my life. I never want you questioning where you belong ever again." 

He reaches up and wipes TK's tears. "I think you're going to make an amazing paramedic, and if you need help coming up with what to say to your dad, then I'm here. Whatever you need," Carlos says as TK dives in for a hard passion filled kiss. 

"I love you too Carlos, so much," TK murmurs as he snuggles his face into Carlos's neck. They eventually make it to bed with TK feeling confident in his choice to apply. He hopes Vega will accept it because now that he's set his mind to it, he really wants it. He knows he's going to have to talk to his dad at some point, but for now he falls asleep in his boyfriend's arms, happy and secure in his choice. 

#tarlos #tarlos fic #911 lone star #911 lone star fic #911 lone star coda fic #tk x carlos #writers life #for max #maxs birthday fic #brother fic #fire fam fic #tk needs a hug #and support #tk becomes a paramedic

[babyangellee]

“Save People”

Summary- The Reader must make a difficult decision with the help of a familiar face

Warning- None

Word Count - 1.7k

(AN// Can we all agree to pretend that Hotch and Morgan never left and the team never changed because I imagine like season 13 Reid so let's just go with that??)

[Part 1] [Part 3]

Part Two of Four to "Please Find Me"

JJ's heels clicked down the hallway as she sped walked towards the frantic man yelling at the nurse who was trying to calm him down.

"Spence!" JJ yelled, getting his attention. He saw her and quickly rushed over to her bombarding her with questions about your current state. "She's in surgery right now. They won't tell us anything." She gently placed her hand on Spencer's shoulder in an effort to comfort him.

"How bad is it? Derek wouldn't say over the phone." Spencer asked new tears forming in his already bloodshot and puffy hazel eyes as he stared at the shorter blonde woman. She sighed and Spencer knew it was bad. He didn't need to be a profiler to know that. JJ had led him and Penelope to the waiting room where the rest of the team was.

Hotch had ordered Spencer to stay back at Quantico with Garcia because he wasn't in the right headspace to be out in the field. As soon as he got the call from Morgan, Penelope and he raced to the hospital needing to know what was going on as soon as possible.

Spencer was greeted by the rest of his team when he walked into the waiting room and they all gave him sad eyes.

"Has anyone called her mom?" Emily asked, looking around the group once everyone was sat down. They all looked at each other before Garcia finally reached into her purse for her phone. JJ, Spencer, and Garcia all had your mother's phone number for the same reason they all had a key to your apartment.

About an hour later your mom ran through the hospital hallways looking for the group of agents. She finally spotted Spencer and immediately hugged him.

"How is she? Have they told you anything yet?" She asked, running a shaky hand through her hair, worry evident all over her face and in her voice. "I'm sorry Liz they haven't said anything yet," Spencer shook his head before walking her over to a seat and sitting across from her.

"Ya know Y/N was also really weird when it came to dating." She spoke up after a few hours of silence. She leaned forward and grabbed hold of Spencer's hand and looked to your team members, they all stared back intently waiting for her to continue knowing that she was about to tell a story.

"I remember one night when she was thirteen years old, she had walked into my room late at night and curled into bed with me. She had said to me 'Mom I'm never going to say I love you if I don't mean it. I'm saving it' I chuckled softly thinking it was crazy that she thought that. That she could save those three little words for just one person. But after her dad left she built walls and never let anyone in." Liz sighed looking around at everyone and smiled before continuing.

"She stuck to it. She would go on dates with boys in high school and she'd just known after one night. She would come home from everyone and tell me that they weren't for her. She didn't want to waste those words or her time on just anyone. For a while, I thought she was going to be single forever." She paused laughing slightly and everyone else chuckled except Spencer. "Then one night she called me at like 2 AM and I could practically feel the smile through the phone. She said to me, 'Mom I found him. The one I've been saving those words for' She knew after one date that this person was worthy of those words. I remember she laughed a little before continuing on. She had said 'I know you think I'm crazy but I promise you, he's the one. His name is Spencer.'' Everyone remained silent. Like children when you've reached the middle of a book and they were waiting for you to continue. Spencer just looked down with tears in his eyes.

"The first time she brought you over to meet me I knew she was serious. I had never met any of her dates. But you weren't just a date anymore. You were her boyfriend." Your mom squeezed his hands as she looked him in the eyes. She then looked around to your entire team before finishing her little story. "I don't think I have ever seen one human love another human as much as she loves you, Spencer. She loves you so much that she is way too stubborn to die on you. She waited 25 years to find you. " With that, she stood up and hugged him again. Everyone had tears in their eyes at that point and just prayed that you were okay.

****

You shot up looking around you. You noticed the familiar blue comforter and matching pillowcase that you hadn't seen in a while. As your eyes scanned the room you looked to see the familiar lilac walls with band posters and photos everywhere. You instantly knew where you were and quickly climbed out of bed. You ran down the stairs and into the kitchen. You saw a tall, muscular man standing by the stove with his back turned to you. Your breath hitched in your throat as you swallowed thickly.

"Dad?" You asked quietly as the man slowly turned around with a smile on his face.

'Princess, how are you? I haven't seen you since your graduation." He walked towards you engulfing you in a hug. Tears pricked your eyes as you tightly hugged back. You loved your dad, he was like your best friend. After your parents got divorced you spent weekends and summers with him. After you graduated high school you moved across the country to get a psychology degree and apply for the FBI. It had been close to eleven years since you last saw him.

"Dad am I-" You couldn't bring yourself to finish the sentence. He shook his head no, understanding what you were going to ask. "But right now you need to decide what your future is going to be, baby doll. You can either stay here or go back." He said grabbing your hand and leading you out of the kitchen and towards the front door. He opened the front door and instead of being met with outside, you were met with your apartment you shared with Spencer.

You looked around and noticed Spencer on the couch staring out the window at a sunset. You looked back at your dad before he nodded and you slowly walked towards Spencer. You sat down next to him and put your hand in the empty space between you. He placed his on top of you and looked at you smiling.

"Hi" You breathed out with tears in your eyes and you leaned forward and hugged him with all of your might. You hadn't seen him in days and you thought you would never see him again. Sure this was a figment of your imagination but it was good enough for now. "I've missed you." He said quietly before releasing from the hug. You let go as well and just continued to stare at him. "Yea, I missed you too." You softly chuckled, brushing the tears away. grabbing his hand again.

Before you could say anything else your dad placed a hand on your shoulder and you looked at him. "Come on, there is someone else waiting on us." He said as Spencer stopped smiling and looked back at the window. You got up from your seat taking one last look at him before following your dad.

"If you choose to go back he'll be waiting for you. All of us will." He smiled as you continued to walk out of your apartment door and into a park. "But if you stay, he'll be waiting for you." He said pointing to a teenage boy sitting on a swing with his back to you. More tears formed in your eyes as the realization hit you of who was sitting there.

Your twin brother sat kicking his feet into the wood chips underneath the swing as you approached him.

"Liam!" You cried running towards him causing him to turn his head to see you before he got up meeting you halfway. As soon as he was an arm's length away you immediately engulfed him in a hug. "I'm so sorry! It's my fault. If I hadn't stayed home sick that day from school I would have been with you an none of this would have happened." You sobbed into his shoulder and he just held onto you.

"Y/N stop. It's not your fault. How were you supposed to know? But look at you. You save people for a living now." He tried to soothe you. "I did it for you. I wanted to help prevent what happened to us from happening to other families." You said releasing from the hug but holding his hand as you walked back to the swings that he was sitting on originally.

"I know and I am so proud of you. You have helped save so many people." He beamed looking at you with so much love in his eyes. "You can't stay. So many more people need you. And you need to save more people. Spencer, Mom, Dad, your team, they all need you." He reached over and squeezed your hand as hard as he could before standing up.

"Go live your life. Save people." He gave you one last look before walking away. You looked back to see your dad was gone as well and you were alone in the park.

******

"We're losing her!" The surgeon yelled starting chest compressions and one of the nurses placed an oxygen mask over your mouth and nose.

"Wait! We have a sinus rhythm!" Another nurse yelled watching your vitals on the monitor. The surgeon stopped chest compressions as you started breathing on your own again.

Message me if you want to be added to my permanent taglist!

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[void-galaxy-shenanigans]

Fml. ~CJ

I don’t normally post vents (not a fan of publicizing my struggles) but I can’t cope right now without sharing this somewhere.

~~ If we’ve DMed & you see this, no you don’t ((actually fr please message me or reply I just wanna hear from anyone who sees me/us as more than a fucking slave 😣)) ~~

I want to scream until my throat is bleeding and I physically can’t anymore.

I’m not normally that kind of person. I’m a persecutor. I’m loud, I’m strong, I’m ‘screw all of this, I’m me and I do what I want’, I’m...

Right now I’m quiet, overwhelmed, exhausted, ‘just leave me alone so I can fucking breathe’, I’m...

I’m spiraling.

I feel like I’m normally a tough guy on a rock watching over everything but now I’m on my knees bleeding out and just begging anyone to give me the strength to keep going.

Why?

Well, our parents are narcissists for a start. We live with them because we can’t hold down a job; we have undiagnosed chronic illness (we were told we should be tested for POTS, & fibromyalgia & chronic fatigue have both been brought to our attention) and they’re both causing and worsening our neurodivergent burnout (intentionally giving us foods we’ve said cause sensory overload knowing (fawn response) we’ll be forced to eat it, watching loud TV shows & high-pitch-shriek laughing, forcing us to get new jobs even though we aren’t stable yet, etc.). Keeping a job when you’ve lost the ability (severe burnout) to mask autism and ADHD (combined type), //and// have the potential to pass out/collapse with no diagnosis to prove you “aren’t faking it”? Yea...not fucking easy. And our parents know it too. (/snark at them)

But beyond that.

Mom got surgery recently; they took a rotten chunk out of one of her organs (it was necessary). It’s been ~2 days; she was told the expected recovery timeline is 5 weeks. For the first two weeks she can’t lift anything, can't open anything, can’t put pressure on anything—it could tear the stitches and it causes her pain. She can’t make her own food, can’t clean, can’t....anything. (She needs someone to make all of her meals for the day right now.) She’s not even supposed to walk alone incase she gets vertigo and collapses. She usually does all the household cleaning (dad’s laundry, her laundry, sweeping/vacuuming, wiping counters down, dishes - she asks for help sometimes but she wants it done perfectly (spotless, just the right amount of soaps, etc.) so she rarely lets anyone else do it), the shopping, making dinner for everyone, feeding & taking care of the dog, making the bed for her & dad, cleaning up after dad (he makes a mess)...& then on the rare occasion she has a break, getting on the computer or watching TV. She’s now watching TV, on the computer, trying to let everyone else handle it even though she (openly) dislikes giving other people control. (/srs)

So Dad is staying home to take care of the wife that he *loves so much ❤*, right?? (/snark at him)

Wrong. He didn’t stop going to karate classes, didn’t take any time off of work (not even a day), didn’t even stop going to his Dungeons & Dragons (pen & paper) games. Nothing. He left her to fend for herself, because of course his desires are more important than her being taken care of & his house being even remotely clean (/heavy sarcasm & snark at him).

So who’s doing the work, then, if his ✨fun activities✨ & work are all so much more important?

We are.

One, we are the child. We’re financially stuck here, and they know it (I mean, mom doesn’t call us a financial burden & pester us to go to a doctor to figure out our medical issues / get a job for no reason (/snark at her)). It’s bad for that reason.

But two?

We are disabled.

We are seriously disabled.

(I’m not saying we’re more disabled than others or in any way more deserving of help. I’m saying this relative to what’s expected of us & what we used to be capable of.)

By that I mean....

We grew up literally running everywhere (until around eight years old). We went for eight, nine mile uphill hikes happily (until around 15 years old). We played video games (DDO, Neverwinter, The Elder Scrolls, etc., & later Skyrim), we wrote stories & poems, we made crafts, we...

We never stopped going. We were go go go 🥰, do everything, enjoy everything, can't stop writing - the kid whose teachers kept saying “please calm down” “please sit down” “are you paying attention?”... your typical hyperactive ADHD kid.

And now?

We went for a two to three mile walk to get to the nearest nature park, sat down for three hours under the trees, rode the bus most of the way back, and walked half a mile. We were in bed, throbbing pain and dizzy and darkened vision (less vivid colours, as if everything is greyscale - happens when we’re super exhausted) and heavy limbs and unable to get up even to eat for a day, then barely able to get up for food before crawling back into bed so exhausted we couldn’t sleep for the next three to four days. After that, we were barely able to shower, eat food, message our boyfriend, and go back to bed. It took a week to recover enough to walk around the house longer than five minutes without intense vertigo.

We went for a nine mile walk to get to our nearest bank branch (we don’t have a car, cars are expensive), and we felt like our lungs were one of those permanently inflated balloons with the silver shine and so heavy we couldn’t breathe, and we were blind for half the walk back (the light went dark, we could only see streaks of colour, thank heck for muscle memory), and we couldn’t get out of bed for nine days (even to shower...the shower afterwards felt relieving but still painful).

We rode in a friend’s car to go hang out for a couple hours. We walked a couple loops in a small park (maybe a mile) before sitting down to chat away. They drove us back. We were in bed for two days, dull throb in our body, exhausted. (But no darkened vision this time.)

In all of these cases, sleep didn’t help. It made our mental health a little better (lower anxiety, less intrusive thoughts, less sleep-deprived hallucinating, etc.), but did nothing for the pain or the fatigue. Exercising actually made it worse, and stretching didn’t make anything better or worse / didn’t help at all.

Also in all of those cases, we used a walking cane to make it that far. We can’t go farther than half a mile (or around an hour to two hours) without a cane, and even with it we have to sit down around once every two hours for about ten minutes to stop the dizziness. (We didn’t used to use a cane ever, not even for costumes.)

We’re not just “I struggle to stand sometimes and standing up makes my whole body tremble haha 😅” disabled like we thought we were (because we brushed ourselves off fr), we’re “I collapse if I go sitting to standing or laying down to sitting/standing too fast” + “I collapse if I do too much” disabled. And for us, with our brain still absolutely ADHD and go go go, that....that sucks. A lot.

Knowing that, we are expected to take over all of mom’s tasks.

Yes, she knows, & he knows. They complain we’re “not a real adult” because we’re disabled. Mom even openly said she noticed one of our jobs clearly had a negative toll on our health (it involved lots of stand up → kneel down/bend over → stand up over & over). So it’s not that they don’t know we’re disabled, or I’d try to explain that.

We are expected to clean the house. We are expected to do the dishes. We are expected to do mom and dad’s laundry (dad won’t do his own - he really expects to get babied). We are expected to make mom and dad meals. We are expected to refill mom’s water. We are expected to take care of the dog. We are expected to walk mom to the bathroom, back to the couch, to meals.

I know that doesn’t sound like a lot but when our day typically consists of sitting down to write a little bit &/or game a little bit (up to two hours) and then laying in bed zoned out and exhausted the rest of the day (because that’s basically how much energy we have right now)...it’s a lot. We’re overstimulated and overwhelmed from being forced to do so much at once, exhausted/fatigued from it all, to the point I half collapsed (caught myself on our suitcase) getting out of bed this morning, slowly (which normally won’t make us collapse). & it’s only been two days. (& haha, the body’s birthday is tomorrow & I don’t think they’re even gonna acknowledge it for a second because they’re openly treating us like a useless slave right now 🙃)

We can’t keep this up for five weeks, not unless we have a wheelchair. (We technically have an emergency manual one, but it’s super uncomfortable after half an hour and mom refuses to let us use it because “a doctor didn’t prescribe it so it’s an insult to actually disabled people”, and we found out very quickly we don’t have the strength and stamina to roll ourselves around. We need a power one....but those are expensive asf, especially when you’re undiagnosed.) We’re going to collapse, maybe permanently. 😕

The only thing dad is doing, and only because we don't have a car, is picking up groceries (after we work with mom to create the grocery list & mom places an online/pickup order), and he’s complaining about that much. He stomps his feet and throws a tantrum if he’s asked to do the dishes, microwave leftovers for a meal (not even really making anything like we are), take out the trash, or take out the yard waste (which is all we’ve asked, while doing everything else).

And neither of them are even saying “thank you” or in any way acknowledging our effort. I got a snarky “don’t tell me those video games are wearing you out 😡, the dishes still need to get done 🥺” earlier today, so they’re even minimizing our pain.

And of course, because mom ✨always has it worse✨, we are not allowed to complain or explain any of this to them. So...fuck our life.

I’m so fucking exhausted. I’m tired of sleep being non-restorative. I’m tired of being a slave. I’m tired of living here.

I’m tired. I’m tired. I’m so fucking tired.

I want to scream.

~CJ

#vent #personal vent #vent post #trauma vent #trauma #childhood trauma #overwhelmed #disabled #chronically ill #spoonie #disability #chronic fatigue #fatigue #abusive parents #toxic parents #long post #cw long post

[sorry-i-spaced]

Issues

Hawkeye is seen in the show as being a ladies man and quite the player. We know his mom died when he was just 10 and we know Caryle and Trapper both left without saying bye to Hawkeye. So I decided to play with the idea that he has abandonment and commitment issues because of this. I borrowed some of the dialogue from the episode “The More I see of You” in the beginning. 

“If you’d gone into medicine with the same lack of conviction as marriage”

“Your work is always going to be the single most important thing in your life”

“Maybe you would have needed me a little more”

“Doug was able to commit”

“Commit”

Lack of conviction”

“Work….important...lack of conviction”

“Commit”

“Hawk? Hawkeye? Earth to Hawkeye! Anybody up there?” waved a concerned BJ. 

“Huh? Oh,yeah, what?” shook Hawkeye as he came back to reality.

“Did you say something?” asked Hawkeye realizing he had zoned out big time. 

“Yea, I was asking if you wanted to get dinner. I heard Igor was sick of all the grief we gave him so he made an upside down dinner in retaliation.” 

Hawkeye sat there contemplating whether food was more important than wallowing in self pity for the way he let things get between Carlye and him.   

“Nah, I think I’m just going to nap. We are supposed to get a heavy influx of wounded by dawn and I want to catch up on sleep.” And with that BJ got up to leave and Hawkeye laid down in his army issued  mess of a cot and shut his eyes.

“Incoming wounded! All Medical and Surgical staff report for triage! Looks like it will a doozy” barked the PA system.

Opening his eyes Hawkeye threw his  pillow in the direction of  Beej. 

“Get up” he yelled. 

The red haired man rose (wait that’s not right Beej has blonde hair)

“Did you dye your hair and forget to tell me?” asked the raven haired man confused. 

“Not that I’m aware of” called back the other man as he was putting on his shoes. 

The two quickly ran out the door. 

In triage Hawk got right to work. 

“This one has a chest wound. Get some blood in him and get him prepped”

“This one can wait”

Hawkeye barked orders to the nurses. He got up and made a run for the O.R.

“Hawkeye! How goes it?” asked Klinger, who was running in the same direction as him.

Boom!

“Ahh!” yelped Klinger as he threw his head forcefully into the dirt. 

Hawkeye stopped dead in his tracks and looked at the man. Cocking his head to the side he says, “ Klinger, a landmine went off. You’re fine. Get your head out of the dirt this instant. Anybody looking on would think you're bucking for a section 8 again. By reason of ostrich.

“I’m not acting sir” deadpanned Klinger as he lifted his head, shaking the dirt out of his hair.

Hawkeye blinked and shook his head. Klinger was right, he was an ostrich through and through. 

“When did this happen?” he asked.

“I’ve always been one sir. You just couldn’t tell since I spend so much of my time in dresses confident I can get out of the Army. But to be honest I’m scared as shit. Scared of dying and scared I won’t ever return to Toledo the same as I left.” 

The two were now in the scrub room. Hawkeye was washing up. 

“So Beej dyes his hair and forgets to tell me and you're an ostrich?What else will happen today.” 

“Beej didn’t dye his hair. He is a robin.”

“A robin? As in the bird?” questioned Hawkeye as he patted his hands dry.

“He is a songbird. Yes. If you don’t believe me just look at him yourself.” 

The two had somehow ended up in the O.R and Hawkeye was at a table picking apart peacock feathers. Hawkeye looked up and to his surprise Beej was in fact a big fat plump red robin - complete with wings and a beak.

Looking at Klinger Hawkeye was left to wonder, “why?” 

“He left his baby girl very early on in her life.” 

Again Hawkeye had moved from the O.R back into the scrub room. These abrupt scene changes were getting awfully annoying. 

“We all left family to be dragged to this God Forsaken Hell Hole. Why should he be so special.”

“Well for much of the same reason that I’m scared he feels guilty about leaving during such a crucial part of his little girl's life.”

“My mom left me early on in life, I turned out fine.” Hawkeye spat back. 

Hawkeye who realized he was sitting on the bench leaned back against the wall and shut his eyes. Pursing his lips together he began to ask more questions trying not to dwell on the fact his mom left him.

“So Beej is guilty and you're scared. Is there anyone else I should know about?”

Silence. Klinger was trying to figure out what to say. This was all coming out too fast. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. His job was to help propel the story along and these observations were supposed to happen naturally. Well as naturally as having birds operate on patients who just see the shell of the person not the bird. But no this man was too smart for even his unconsciousness. Finally he began to speak, slowly hoping he wouldn’t reveal too much.

“Our fearless leader Potter is a bald eagle because he is insecure in his talents. He is a career man - as I’m sure you’re aware of. But he lacks the knowledge of all these fancy techniques you young doctors seem to pick up so easily. Margaret is a puffin because all she wants to do is be accepted by everyone. Frank is a hummingbird because he is annoying as all shit and is very insecure due to it. Oh and you’re a peacock.” 

That got Pierce to shoot up like a bean pole.

“Wait! Aren’t you going to tell me why I’m a peacock?” his voice raised and wavered a bit. 

“Sorry sir, you’ll have to figure that one out on your own.

“What why? Klinger, you gotta tell me! Come on we know everyone else’s insecurities, why can’t I know my own?”

Klinger didn’t know how to respond. He knew he had 3 sets of 10 minutes and 1 set of an hour of time to try and get Hawkeye to learn why he is a peacock. But he also knew it was up to his subconscious to interact with his unconscious to help move the narrative. 

“Ow!” yelped Hawkeye breaking the silence. 

“What the hell was that?” 

Not even Klinger had an explanation.

All of sudden a flying pillow came out of nowhere. 

Klinger now understood what was happening. Someone was trying to wake Hawkeye. There little mental party would be ending soon. 

“Hawk” echoed a ghostly sound. 

“Why are you calling me a Hawk, I thought you said I was a peac-” 

His eyes shot open! Looking down at him were a pair of blue eyes. Beej

“What? What happened?” Hawkeye asked as he began to get up.

“Wounded” called Beej as he put on his converse. 

“Suction! So yea, don’t know what any of that means but thought I’d share my dream with the rest of the class,” said Pierce as he tried to stop a bleeder his patient had come in with. 

“That’s scary accurate. Especially my fear. How did you pin us all down like that?” called BJ concentrating on his own bleeder. 

“Pierce, are you good with birds? Seems like you pinned us to an appropriate matching bird” called Potter. 

Hawkeye was now working on closing up the patient, “I’ve gone bird watching with my dad back in Maine. One time when I was a kid, right when mom died, he decided to get his mind off her death he was going to do a Big Year. I would come along on bird watching expeditions during school breaks and weekends. But I still would like to know why I’m a peacock. Of all the birds to be.” called Hawkeye. 

“If it bugs you that much, why don’t you ask Sidney the next time he comes up for Poker.” said BJ when they were back in the Swamp. 

They were finally out of surgery and the two swamp rats were playing tennis with a blown up surgical glove they took from the scrub room. 

A week later, before Poker was supposed to take place, Sidney was set up in the VIP tent chatting with Hawkeye. 

“So you dreamt about everyone’s fears personifying and taking the form of birds? What do you think it means?” lead the Psychiatrist. 

“I don’t know Sidney, you tell me, you’re the expert on these types of things.” pleaded Hawkeye, who had taken up pacing around the tent. 

“Hawk, I want you to get to that conclusion yourself. It won’t be helpful if I do it for you.”

Hawkeye stopped pacing and sat down on the edge of the bed. “What do you want to hear. I want to be as helpful as possible. In my dream Klinger said basically the same thing.”

“Humor me and tell me about your childhood, that’s always a good place to start when talking about fears and issues,” claimed Sidney.

“My childhood. What do you wanna know” asked Hawkeye. 

“How was your relationship with your mom?” 

“Nonexistent. I’ve told you before she died when I was 10. Just been dad and I since then.” replied Hawkeye flatley.

“Do you have any resentment towards her dying?” pried Sidney.

“You know dad didn’t even tell me she was sick? He waited until she passed to come clean and tell me. I didn’t even get to say goodbye. I was angry for years. At her for getting sick and at dad for not having the decency to tell me she was sick. But I got over it. No hard feelings”

Rambled Hawk. 

“Ok, so issues from mom, how about dad?”

“Dad? Oh he was great! After mom died we became thick as thieves. He was the one who inspired me to go into medicine. He wasn’t too happy about it to be honest.” gleaned Hawk.

“I remember you telling me last time I was here that there was a nurse here that you had an old fling with. How did that end?”

“Caryle. I really don’t know what happened. We were living together during residency you know.”

Raising an eyebrow Sidney interjected, “ So you guys were serious?” 

“That’s what I thought.” continued Hawkeye. “But just like mom and just like Trapper did 6 months ago, she up and left. I didn’t get to say bye or anything. She just one day decided she had enough of me, packed her bags and was out of the apartment before I even had time to get home and try and stop her. I thought Trapper would have at least left something. But I guess not. I guess I’m just not worth the hassle to say bye too. God. Why did dad not let me tell mom bye. Her own son was in the dark. I get Caryle and Trapper. It was bound to happen. Unhappy relationship and discharge but God, mom? Really? I hated her for it you know. I just wish once someone would leave and tell me about it first. Why do I always have to be the last to know. I bet the thing I got going on with Beej will end just as abruptly as it did with Trapper.” rambled on Hawkeye.

“Hawkeye, stop a minute, let’s process all that you said.” steered Sidney realizing he was losing his patient rapidly. 

Hawkeye shut up and listened. 

“You mention over and over that you never got to say goodbye to all these people. You also mention being the last to hear of relationships ending.”

“Yea, so?” sighed Hawkeye.

“Let’s go back to the dream. In the dream you describe each of your friends as birds relating to their fears and issues. Beej - your best friend is a robin because he is guilty for leaving his baby girl. Klinger is an ostrich - which I never would have pegged him as so thank you for that lovely image - because he is scared and fearful he won’t return home and if he does he will be completely different. Potter is a bald eagle because he is insecure in his abilities despite being a career man in the army. Margaret is a Puffin because she has the fear that she will never fit in anywhere so she forces herself to. And Frank is a hummingbird because he is insecure in his own way and -”

“ - a peacock for commitment issues” finished Hawkeye. 

“Precisely. It seems like you are scared to trust people because everyone seems to leave you at some point. Starting way back when your mom left you abruptly. Oh also in my own professional diagnosis I would also tack on abandonment issues” added Sidney.

“What gives Sid, I thought you were going to let me come to the conclusion on my own accord.” whimpered Hawkeye.

“Eh, I see how hard you’re trying to figure this all out, so I decided to give you a freebie” laughed Sidney.

“Well in true Freud fashion, my issues really do stem from my mother,” laughed Hawkeye sadly. 

The two sat for another hour trying to brainstorm ways Hawkeye could push past these thoughts of abandonment and commitment issues and how he could overcome them. 

The End!

#mash #fanfic #birds #freud #hawkeye pierce #klinger #sidney freedman #fears #issues

[danadeservesadrink]

Do You Believe in Fate Chapter 8

Hope You Didn’t Have Any Big Friday Plans

In which Scully learns of motherhood. Read on AO3 here

Tagging @today-in-fic

“Dana Scully speaking”

“Hope you didn’t have any big Friday plans”

“Why? Missy what’s wrong?”

“Well there was a bit of an accident at lunch today…”

“Melissa you tell me what’s wrong right now.”

“Mom’s in the hospital. She tripped down the stairs, fractured her leg”

“I’ll be right there”

“I didn’t even tell you which hospital!”

“Georgetown?”

“Yes. The emergency center. Room 305.”

“I’m already in the car.”

Scully rushed into the hospital, hurrying past doctors and nurses alike until she got to the emergency ward. A receptionist questioned her but must have seen the panicked look on Scully’s face before showing her on to room 305 at her insistence, where she walked in to find her mother laying propped up on a hospital bed, leg already casted.

“Jesus Mom what happened?” Scully asked, immediately fussing over her despite Maggie’s attempts to wave her daughter away. Scully made a mental note to ask for her chart later.

“It’s nothing dear, I’ll be fine. I tripped on my way downstairs, fell down a whole flight…”

“Did they check you for other fractures? Do you have a concussion?”

“Yes Dana, they checked everything. Apart from some minor bruising the only thing wrong is my leg.” Scully went to interrupt her again, but Maggie shot her a glare that silenced her. “I’ll have the doctor give you a copy of my x-rays but honestly there’s nothing you can do sweetheart. The doctor is very nice, and seemed quite competent.”

Scully seemed to relax, choosing to walk around the side of the hospital bed and sit in the vacant chair beside it, still critically eyeing the cast on her mother's leg.

“I’m sorry. I’m glad you’re ok.”

She reached out and grabbed her mother’s hand, who held it with a squeeze by her side. She looked around the room and only then noticed the absence of her sister.

“Where’s Missy?”

Maggie, sighed and dropped Scully’s hand.

“That's what I needed to talk to you about…”, she pressed her hand to the bridge of her nose, clearly thinking heavily on her next words. “Melissa took Emily home for her nap. And with me going to be out of commission for at least the next few months, were going to have to discuss who will be taking care of Emily.”

And the realization dawned on her that Scully had been so preoccupied with her mother and sister, she had completely forgotten about the whereabouts of her own fucking daughter.

“Oh. Can Melissa watch her…” she knew the answer before the question had even finished coming out of her mouth.

“Dana, your sister has her own life, her own job. She cannot just drop everything to look after your daughter.” She wasn’t shocked by the words, but by the frustrated tone with which her mother scolded her.

“Mom…” Scully felt her cheeks flush with shame. Maggie carried on, staring sternly at her daughter in the chair.

“You do remember that she is your daughter, right?”

Despite her mother being the one in the hospital bed, Scully felt like the one receiving surgery. She attempted to choke out a response but found her voice wasn’t working properly, she simply sputtered at her mother’s sudden accusation. Maggie’s eyes softened, but her voice remained firm.

“Dana no one knows more than me how much you’ve been through. And you know I will support you in any way I can but she’s your daughter. She’s your daughter and you’re going to have to get to know her some day.”

Scully stared at the linoleum floor tiles, her eyes mapping the grey outlines of the squares one by one in an attempt to stop the tears she felt forming. She could feel her mother’s gaze burning into her cheek.

“I don’t know how.” Her voice cracks as she speaks, and she hears Maggie sigh, but still can’t bear to look at her. “I don’t know how to be a mother to her. I’m scared I won’t do it right.” A rogue tear slips down her cheek. “She doesn’t even like me.”

Her mother grabs her hand again, and Scully can only see her concerned look out of the corner of her eye.

“Baby, none of us know. You don’t go into motherhood knowing exactly what to do, you just try. If you try your best, that will be good enough for her.”

Scully was still staring forward, so Maggie gave a gentle tug on her hand to get her attention. She looked up, the figure of her mother blurry through a haze of tears. Maggie leaned into her despite her restricted leg.  

“When Bill came along he didn’t like me much either. Cried every time I picked him up. He refused to eat, refused to nap”.

Scully had to laugh. Of course Bill was difficult, even as an infant.

“But I kept trying. I kept holding him, feeding him. And one day, he just stopped crying. I held him in my arms and he looked up at me with his little eyes and smiled. And I knew I had to have done something right. You kids all turned out ok, anyway.”

Scully smiled up at her, giving her hand a gentle squeeze back.

“Yea Mom, you did alright.” Both women laughed, and finally the tension was released.

“You have to give yourself a chance Dana. Give yourself a chance to be a good mom.”

-

Why was it that staring into the face of her own daughter made her feel so nervous? It wasn’t like she was scared of a baby. Or was she?  

Emily was sitting in her play-chair station, bouncing happily and spinning a little plastic ring. Scully sat with her hand propped up on her hand at the kitchen table watching her. She’d been stuck there for at least 10 minutes, just watching the child bounce and play, unable to interact with her but refusing to walk away to safety. Her child. Her mother was upstairs in bed, she’d put her there herself, insisting she needed rest. Melissa left to go back to her apartment, and she was now alone in the kitchen with a one year old, who she was quickly realizing she was more terrified by than any person she had ever known.

Dana pull yourself together. She’s just a baby.

“She’s your baby”, she whispered to herself, partially as reassurance and partially as a reminder.

When she first got back, after the shock of it all had worn off, when she had rational thoughts running through her head again, she ordered a DNA test for Emily. She didn’t tell her mother, or even Missy. She gets it done through a friend at the hospital, and she handed her back the results in an unmarked folder over private coffee. A manila folder holding a potential explanation of what had happened to her and it had taken her almost 2 weeks to open it. She was torn between wanting desperately for the truth and being terrified of it. Of course, she had thought through the possibilities before hand, being the logical person she was.

Option 1) She was already pregnant when she got abducted. It wasn’t out of the realm of extreme possibility. She had been seeing someone occasionally, the time-frame matched up, and though they had been careful, she knew the percentages. It was unlikely she hadn’t shown any symptoms, but again, she had read of instances where women hadn’t shown pregnancy symptoms until late third trimester. Altogether unlikely but not improbable.

Option 2) Emily was someone else’s daughter. This is what she had rationalized as the most likely answer, given her lack of pregnancy symptoms. The FBI suggested that other women may have been abducted by the same man. She may have stolen the child away during her escape and simply lost the memory. And when she held her, when her mother placed her in her arms and introduced Emily to her as her daughter, she had felt a startling lack of maternal feelings. Usually mothers who reconnect with their children document immediate connection, feelings of easy recognition, familiarity. She could have been holding a lively loaf of bread wrapped in a blanket for all the connection she felt to the little bundle of joy placed in her arms. No, Scully had convinced herself quite quickly that she was in possession of someone else's offspring. But that was before Emily sprouted little red curls from the top of her head. Before her mother pulled out a baby picture of little Dana and even she herself had to admit the resemblance was uncanny.

She opened the envelope at the kitchen table at midnight after she padded downstairs, long after her mother had gone to bed. She’d had another nightmare. Tests, needles, bright lights, the usual vague images plaguing her mind and dampening her brow with sweat. But that night, for the first time, she dreamed of her. Dreamed of the cry of an infant through the blinding lights, and felt her heart lurch at the sound. She woke with a scream just short of her lips, so scared not only for her, but for the child. It was then that she realized. She needed to know.

It was a flip of a coin, option 1 versus 2, neither one a best or worst case scenario. But she miscalculated. With some sick twist of the universe, the coin managed to land perfectly on its side and the rational Dr. Scully was presented with the previously unknown option 3.

She was hers, oh yes, that was undeniable. 46 chromosomes of Scully, in fact. She read the report 3 times, looking for the tiny differences to indicate the presence of two distinct genotypes combining to form one unique human, the way she was taught even back in her undergraduate classes. The natural order of things. The only viable way. She found no differences.

Emily was genetically identical to her, a perfect clonal match, down to the individual base pairs in her DNA.

Option 3 provided little answers and generated so many questions. So many questions even the well educated mind of Dr. Dana Scully couldn’t comprehend. The only solace was that when her mother asked her over tea at the dining table about the ever-so-sensitive subject of maternity, she didn’t have to lie.

Of course, that only spurred her mother on more. She kept subtly leaving the baby with her, asking her to hold it while she prepared a bottle or ran to the garden. It was obvious what she was trying to do, although Scully was obstinate to her intentions. To be honest, the idea of a daughter wasn’t what frightened her. She had always seen herself as a mother one day. She used to play dolls with Missy and Charlie when they were little, and she had fond memories of rocking little plastic dolls to sleep, pressing bottles to their unmoving lips and bossing her little brother around the playhouse insisting that she was too busy with the baby to take care of the chores. She worked with kids at the hospital, mostly got along quite well with them actually. She would have been happy to have a daughter of her own.

But Emily wailed every time Maggie dropped her into Scully’s awaiting arms. She screamed her lungs off for the first few months of her life every time Scully was even in the room. While Scully previously saw the merit of her mother’s actions, it slowly turned into a torture for both of them. So much so that Maggie stopped trying all together. After months of stubborn fits from both Scully girls, Maggie found it best to simply keep Emily in her own arms.

Until now.

She cursed the stairs, cursed her mother’s socks and their hardwood floors, cursed God, who was probably looking down at her and laughing. She cursed herself, a pathetic mother, scared of her own child.

Emily stopped spinning the little plastic rings. She grabbed at a stuffed duck, tattered and stained, perched on the side of the activity seat, babbling happily to herself. The duck managed to elude her little grasp however, and instead fell to the floor.

Immediately, Emily’s eyes welled with tears, and she banged her fists against the plastic surroundings of her seat, bouncing up and down and shaking the entire structure. The screaming started shortly afterwards.

Scully’s eyes widened as well, and she sprung out of her chair, dropping to her knees in front of Emily and grabbing the duck. She placed it in front of the wailing toddler, still bouncing and shaking in her seat.

“Look, here’s Ducky. Ducky’s here.” She shook the toy in her line of site, willing Emily to calm down, if only for the sake of her sleeping mother. Emily opened her eyes and saw the toy in front of her, suddenly ceasing her tantrum. She sniffled and took the doll from Scully, grabbing it rather aggressively by the neck. Scully laughed, despite her trepidation, as the duck was strangled by the fists of a toddler.

Emily looked up at her then, little blue eyes wide, satisfied by the presence of Ducky and intrigued by the giggle Scully let escape her lips. They were face to face, and Scully felt oddly self-conscious. She fixed the collar of her shirt as Emily regarded her. She didn’t cry, though her tantrum induced tears were still dewy on her cheeks.

Scully found herself bringing her hand up, slowly. It was shaking, in fact all of her was shaking, with nerves, emotion, whatever . She brought a hand up to Emily’s cheek and carefully brushed a wet droplet aside with her thumb.

Her skin is so smooth, she thought. She was scared the act of contact would cause the kid to burst into tears again, but still Emily simply returned back to looking at Ducky, who was arguably more interesting than Scully.

She likes the duck more than you. It was a ridiculous thought that caused her to chuckle again. Immediately, Emily’s eyes were back on hers. This time, she pursed her tiny lips, as if in deep thought. She looked down at the duck in her hands, back up at Scully, and then suddenly thrust the yellow duck towards her.

“Ducky” Emily said, leaning again towards Scully and pushing the toy at her. Scully responded with only a baffled smile, which Emily then returned in full toddler exuberance. A gummy, wonderful toddler smile, and for the first time, Scully felt a little twinge in her chest as she looked at her.

She took the duck. Emily clapped her hands together, giggling her own twinkling laugh, like windchimes in a gentle breeze. She then turned and went back to spinning the little purple plastic rings, unbothered by the exchange she had just participated in.

Scully, however, looked as if she’d seen a ghost. Or witnessed a miracle. She held the cloth duck like scientific proof of the unexplainable event, unwilling to let it go, gazing down on it in awe before the tears from before resurfaced.

On the floor of her mother’s kitchen in the soft light of the evening, Scully cried over a cloth duck. She cried over the softness of baby skin, over chromosomes and unknowns, and over all the shit she’s been through. She sank down off her knees and sobbed an apology to the little girl in front of her. She felt her body shake as she sloughed off the moths of feeling like a stranger in her own home, avoiding the kitchen during feeding time and her mother’s disappointed smile. She pressed the duck to her face, feeling the soft fabric absorb the tears off her own cheek, and she inhaled the scent of her daughter.

When the tears had subsided, she looked up at Emily still preoccupied with the little plastic puzzles. She leaned in, clearing her throat, and danced the duck along the top of the seat. Emily’s eyes lit up, and quickly she grabbed at the duck, pulling it in close to her face and hugging it with all the ferocity of a child’s love. She looked up and smiled at Scully again, and the idea that it was all a fluke flew out of Scully’s mind.

Scully reached over and brushed a tiny red curl out of her baby’s eyes, again feeling awed by the softness of her skin against her fingertips.

“Hi Emily”, she whispered into the still air of the kitchen, and Emily smiled at the sound of her name, clutching Ducky closer to her chest.

“I’m your mom.”

#txf fanfic #this is all scully but i mean its kinda cute #dana scully #fox mulder #msr fanfic #the x files #emily AU #the x files AU #sam writes #dybif #msr

[imnotwolverine]

The marriage pact - Piece of cake

Henry Cavill x OC Alice - multi-chapter

< Part 2 | Part 3 Piece of cake | Part 4 >

Disclaimer: none

Author’s note: It’s romcom weekend, okay? 😘

Word count: 1.388

(Link to my Masterlist)

--

[ Alice.in.writing.land ]

Dear readers,

First of all thank you for all your well wishes. I had a most lovely cake baking weekend. Both literally and figuratively speaking.

The literal cake is mostly gone now - yes I had some friends over last night, so don’t worry about me feasting on the whole thing on my own. I mean..I would never..ever…Okay, I admit it, I would have totally eaten that whole cake if it weren’t for my friends.

And the figurative cake? Well let’s just say a most curious thing happened and the figurative cake is as chocolaty as it could get - with cherries on top. Which, perhaps might just be too good to be true, but that is a concern for another day as I’ll first be spending all my love and attention on another piece of cake this week; babysitting a 3-year old for 3 days straight.

Yes, you read that right; Ali, the 37-year old single is going to be responsible for a 3-year old fairy princess..whom I happen to share my first name with. Alice and Alice, going on a tiny but mighty three day adventure, right into the rabbit hole of temp mom-hood.

My life is getting curiouser and curiouser indeed.

Ali.

‘Oh thank you SO much, Ali. I hate to ask this of you. But you know how Alice is with flying and it was last minute and..-‘

‘It’s fine Maddie. Really. And I’m glad I can help out.’ I followed Maddie into the hallway of her and Frank’s absurdly large home - my residence for the next three days.

‘So your mom’s stable for now?’ I inquired, looking at the suitcases that were already waiting on the black and white checkered tiles - by the looks of it neatly packed, though the haste was great; her mom needed immediate surgery and Maddie wished to be there for her. Which meant flying. And leaving her toddler Alice behind. 

‘Yea, it seems like everything’s under control. But we just want to be there for her you know. It’s still quite a serious operation she’ll be having and she’ll need some help the first days…And.. you know how she is. She’s an old peach who is far too stubborn to ask for help.’ Maddie rolled her eyes in amusement. We both chuckled. ‘Well no worries about the home front, me and my fellow Alice will surely have a splendid time.’

‘Ugh you are the best.’ Maddie sighed, walking us into the kitchen where the little princess was eating her breakfast.

‘Hey you!’ I cheered, immediately noticing the large pout on Alice’s face.

‘She’s a little cranky today. Aren’t you sweet angel?’

’No!’ Alice retorted with an even larger pout, her tiny eyebrows furrowing in disdain.

Oh, she was in a foul mood. 

I decided to not pay any attention to her heart wrenching pout and picked up a banana from the fruit bowl, my hands starting to peel it while Maddie continued to fuss over Alice. I watched the two - grumbling toddler, fussing mom - and couldn’t help but chuckle when it became quite obvious that the kid’s scowl was a ruse; as soon as Maddie turned away to clean up Alice’s bowl, the tiniest of smirks curled up on her toddler lips.

I grinned and winked at her.

Mischievous little thing!

‘Alright. Time we get going.’ Maddie nodded, sighing away a bit of the stress, her eyes flicking back to the hallway. ‘FRANK!’ She hollered, her impatient feet already walking back through the hallway, heel taps echoing through the quiet house. ‘FRANK! Time to go!’

Just then Frank appeared through the backdoor of the kitchen, his head popping around the corner and his ever friendly face quirking up a bushy, inquisitive eyebrow. 

I nodded at the hallway and Frank sniffled. ‘Wife dear! Over here!’

It was near comical to see Maddie rush back into the kitchen, her shoulders rising high as she gave Frank a most exasperated look.

‘I was readying the car.’ He shrugged, not seeing what all the fuss was about, making Maddie sigh in slight annoyance before she turned back to coo over Alice once more. ‘Alright alright. Okay my love. OHH! I’ll miss you my baby sweet pea. I’ll call you every day! And don’t forget to brush your teeth! I love you..’ She pressed a kiss on the girl’s left cheek. ‘..I love you..’ She pressed another kiss on her right cheek. ‘..I love you!’ She exclaimed, pressing a final kiss right between the toddler’s frowning eyebrows.

I stepped in, picking up the pouting girl whilst Maddie and Frank started their way back into the hallway.

‘You know where everything is.’

‘Yep.’ I nodded, hoisting Alice a little higher on my hip, the front door now opened and the suitcases rolling out onto the door step.

‘Okay.’ Maddie sighed, stepping back to Alice once more and pressing a kiss on her forehead, then half-hugged me, leaving one hand on my shoulder: ‘Thanks, Ali, really. Thank you so much.’

‘It’s okay Mads. Now off you go. Don’t want to miss your plane.’

‘Yes! Alright! See you in three days! I’ll call you tonight!’

‘Alright! Good luck! We’ll send pictures!’

—

It was near lunch time and with a toddler in my wake I walked towards my parents house. I could hear her tiny feet trotting behind me, stopping every few steps to pick a flower or watch a bird. 

The reason of our little excursion was quite silly; my morning brain had forgotten to remind me that I wished to bring my laptop to Frank and Maddie’s home, and thus we had to go back to my parent’s place to go pick it up. 

‘Ali Ali look!’ Little Alice pulled the hem of my skirt and I followed the direction of her pointing finger, seeing Marianne approach us - Henry’s mom-, a familiar dog leashed in her right hand. It was quite a funny vision; the absolutely huge and slightly clumsy akita walking next to the tiny, but well-put together lady.

Marianne smiled and waved at us and before I knew it little Alice started running towards Marianne - her tiny legs surprisingly fast. I widened my eyes, a sudden mother instinct kicking in; what if she fell? What if..ooph..the tarmac would tear her tender skin right open! Or.. what if Kal got over excited?

Quickly I ran after her, picking her up. ‘Woosh!!’ I said, dragging her through the air like she was flying. The toddler chuckled in delight, stretching her arms as if she were Superman. ‘Wieeeeee!!!!’ She exclaimed, my feet now speeding up as the soft morning wind brushed through her yellow blond curls, my poor arms protesting as I was not quite strong enough to hold up a toddler.

Marianne laughed heartily, shortening the leash so Kal couldn’t jump up at me and Alice, her feet halting just before she reached us. I quickly put Alice back on my hip and winked at the happy toddler, her cheeks glowing as another giggle burst through.

‘Hello Alice..and Alice.’ Marianne smiled.

‘Hi Marianne. Got a new dog?’ I winked, to which Marianne chuckled. ‘No, no. Though what a darling bear it is. Aren’t you Kal?’ She ruffled a hand through Kal’s fur, the dog looking up in curiosity, tail wagging happily.  She continued: ‘No I just wished to help Henry out for a bit. His schedule changed rather last minute, so he has other things on his mind right now. Calling..rescheduling..calling..you know how that goes.’

‘I can figure. How’s Colin?’

‘Good. His sturdy old self.’ She smiled, her eyes moving towards little Alice. ‘So are you girls out on a stroll as well?’ She asked the toddler.

‘No! Ali forgot her thingy.’ The toddler shook her head, then pointed at my parents house.

‘Ah..the thingy.’ Marianne nodded, scrunching her nose in amusement as she looked back at me.

‘Yep. The thingy.’ I nodded, feigning pure seriousness.

We all laughed for a moment before Alice reached out to Kal, wishing to be put down to pet the dog.

‘Careful Alice.’ I whispered, turning my back towards the dog so I could keep Kal away for a moment longer as I placed the toddler before him. ‘Reach out your hand and let him come to you, sniff you for a bit.’

‘That’s like saying hello.’ Marianne added, letting Kal approach. Kal’s tail wagged with great excitement, but the rest of the dog’s stance was calm and cautious, his nose pressing into the toddler’s hand, making her squirm in delight. Kal responded with a big fat lick over her tiny palm, the two quite clearly getting along perfectly well.

Marianne looked at me, trusting Kal was the goodest of boys - the dog clearly calm enough to let the encounter go safe and smooth. ‘You would never guess what Henry asked of me yesterday.’ She smiled. 

‘What?’ I asked, my eyebrow lifting in curiosity. 

‘Oh,’ She waved her hand through the air, as if it was a silly thing to talk about. ‘I’m sure he wishes to show you that himself.’ She said mysteriously, an amused glint glittering in her deep blue eyes.

I bit the inside of my cheek as I observed Alice and Kal coo over each other. What was Kal’s owner up to, hmm? What..oh..what was he up to? I felt my heart flutter for a moment as my eyes drifted towards the Cavill’s house, not far in the distance. The place where Henry was currently making those three gazillion phone calls. 

Curiouser and curiouser indeed..

--

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#henry cavill fanfiction #henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill x OC #henry cavill x writer #kal #marianne cavill #henry bear #the marriage pact #piece of cake #babysitting

[much-obliged-timothy]

Whumptober #28

Borderlands - #28 - Accidents

*

“Up, Timmy!”

Tim looked up at Jack but didn’t move from his seat. Jack scowled at him and smacked his lunch off the table, the food splattering on the floor.

“I said I wanted a cat, not a boss who has all the worst traits of a cat,” Tim said, glaring.

“You’re going to clean that up, pumpkin,” Jack said, patting his shoulder. “And make it quick. We’ve got places to be.”

“It’s my day off,” Tim said.

“Day off?” Jack laughed so hard that Tim wanted to smack him. “Not when you’re me, kiddo. Heroes don’t get a day off.”

Tim heaved a sigh and stood up. He looked around and snapped at the closest loader bot. “Clean up that mess. Some asshole dropped his food.”

“Language,” Jack chided. “And I thought I just told you to clean it up.”

“Heroes don’t clean up food like some lousy janitor,” Tim said. 

“Alright, fair.” Jack slung an arm around his shoulder. “Now, the real reason I dragged you back from the casino. We’re going to take a trip to Opportunity to see how the construction is going. They’re bringing in some expensive materials at the end of the week, and I want you to oversee the construction for a bit.”

Tim would much rather stay in the casino, where the vault hunters couldn’t get him. “Why me?”

“Because bandits have been trying to steal the construction materials. Those chump doubles there suck at combat. But you? You, kiddo, held your own on Elpis. So you’re going to get out there and make me look good, at least for a week or two. Then I’ll stick you back in the casino like I promised,” Jack said. 

Just one or two weeks. That wasn’t so bad. He doubted the vault hunters would even bother with Opportunity right now, anyway. Jack had them running circles around Pandora, but he tended to keep them away from places like that. 

“Fine,” Tim said reluctantly. “Do I at least get a bonus for this?”

“Already taken care of,” Jack said, which made this whole thing a lot more pleasant. “Extra pay for your time there. Don’t say I never gave you anything.”

Well, for some extra pay, Tim would tolerate it. He allowed Jack to lead him along towards the office.

They activated the fast travel station in the office and arrived just outside Opportunity. Jack led Tim inside, and Tim looked around curiously. He hadn’t been here in a while, and construction was coming along nicely.

“Handsome Jack, sir!” a worker said in alarm, running up to them. He looked briefly afraid to see two of them, but shook it off and wisely didn’t mention it. “Sir, it’s not safe to walk around this area right now. We’re moving materials up to the roof, and some of them have been slipping off. We’ve already had two workers injured and one killed.”

“Well maybe you should be more careful, kiddo,” Jack said, and strolled past him. “Keep up, other-me. This is the section you’ll be keeping an eye on.”

Fantastic, another hazardous workzone. He wondered if having materials dropped on him would be better or worse than being shot at on the moon, then decided he never wanted to find out. Shit, he missed the casino already.

“Paycheck, Timmy,” he mumbled to himself. “Do it for the paycheck bonus.”

“The bandits have been sneaking in, because apparently these idiots can’t even do a basic security job,” Jack said. “I’ve got someone working on getting new security in, but in the meantime, you’re in charge of killing anyone who gets in here unauthorized. And make a big show of it. You can, I dunno, stick their heads on a stake outside or something to warn off the others.”

“Yea, no, still not a psychopath,” Tim said.

Jack shrugged. “Your loss. It’d probably make the job easier.”

“I’m not sticking anyone’s head on a stake,” Tim said. 

“Oh, please, we both know you’d do it if I paid you to,” Jack scoffed.

“...Alright, depends on how much. But still,” Tim said. 

“The other double will be on the opposite side of Opportunity to watch their operations there. So you’ll just have to-” Jack started.

“WATCH OUT!”

Tim looked up, startled at the shout. But then he saw something plummeting at the two of them, and he moved instinctively, just the way Jack had trained him to.

He shoved Jack out of harm’s way, just in time. Something crashed into him, and he screamed at the sudden agony in his legs as he hit the ground. 

People were yelling all around him, but Tim could only scream and writhe in pain. His legs. God, his fucking legs.

Someone jabbed him with something- a health kit, maybe. He didn’t know. It hurt too much to focus on anything but the pain and the horrible pressure on his legs.

“-im! Tim!”

His own voice. No, Jack’s voice. 

He was injected with something else, and after a few more moments of excruciating pain, everything fell numb. He panted heavily and looked up at Jack’s angry face.

“Whoever the hell dropped that on him! I want their asses on Helios when I get back!” Jack snapped. “Goddammit, look at this mess. Do you know how expensive he was?”

Tim looked down, and his face paled. There were huge slabs of marble crushing both his legs, blood pooling all around him.

“Sir, the doctor just arrived at the fast travel station!” someone yelled.

“My legs,” Tim said numbly.

“We gave you something to numb you. You wouldn’t stop screaming,” Jack said, putting a firm hand on his shoulder. “Don’t move or you’ll make it worse. I’m going to be really pissed if they can’t fix this.”

Their personal doctor rushed over with a small team. “What happened, sir?”

“An accident. These idiots just dropped marble on his legs,” Jack said, gesturing to it. 

Tim felt detached from his body as they attempted to remove the marble from his ruined legs. One of the medical team guided his head onto the ground so that he was looking up at the sky instead of their progress.

But still, he found himself staring up at Helios. He’d given everything to Jack. He’d just sacrificed his own legs to save Jack.

But some part of him knew how this was going to end. He knew what that horrible pain meant.

“Sir,” the doctor said a long while later, his voice quiet. “There is no fixing the damage to his legs. We’ll have to amputate both of them.”

“Ampu-” Jack stopped and swore loudly. He ran a hand down his mask, and Tim watched him, his stomach sinking. 

Because he knew Jack. And he knew what Jack would not tolerate.

Sure enough, Jack took his gun out. “Goddammit. They better have rounded up every idiot who caused this. I’m pissed now. He was supposed to oversee construction here. He was a good investment.”

“You can get me prosthetics,” Tim said, but his tone was empty. 

“Do I look like I have prosthetic legs?” Jack said in annoyance, kicking Tim’s shoulder. Tim felt nothing, his body still numb. “You were useful while it lasted, but these useless morons just ruined one of my greatest investments. I’ll have to find another doppelganger now. What a pain.”

Tim wanted to argue. He wanted to beg. He wanted a last chance to call his friends in the casino, or even his mom. 

But none of that mattered to Jack. Tim was just damaged goods now, and Jack didn’t like broken toys.

He’d survived so much. To think an accident would be the thing to finish him.

He would’ve been fine if he’d moved out of the way. His reflexes were quicker than Jack’s. It was Jack who would’ve been crushed.

But Jack had trained Tim too well. Tim had just reacted, not stopping to think about his own safety because Jack had drilled it into him for years that his safety didn’t matter anymore. Only Jack mattered.

And now…

“Jack,” Tim whispered.

Jack rested the gun against Tim’s temple. “I’m showing you mercy, kiddo. If I don’t do this, there’ll be surgeries and physical therapy. You’ll never be whole again.”

Jack didn’t really care about any of that. He just didn’t want to see himself damaged. They both knew it. 

There was no guilt, no pity. Jack would pull the trigger and it would be back to business.

Tim looked back up at Helios. There was nowhere else to look. If he had to pick a final sight, at least it wouldn’t be that uncaring face he’d worn for the past several years.

“Asshole,” Tim said, and closed his eyes.

He heard Jack’s laugh, but then the gunshot rang out and everything stopped.

#borderlands #timothy lawrence #Handsome Jack #whumptober2020 #no.28 #accidents #fic #borderlands fic #jtdoeswhumptober #My writing #my post

[mxltifaves]

Family Dinners Are Chaotic

It’s been a couple of weeks since Amelia gave birth to the little peanut. They had moved into Link’s apartment given that they really didn’t have room at Mers. Both her and Link have been getting used to being parents. It was exhausting, given that they barely had gotten any sleep, but they wouldn’t trade it for anything else. Their little peanut was the most precious baby ever and this was their family. Both Amelia and Link had been on leave, wanting to adjust to being parents and the baby’s schedule. Link was going to go back to work but Amelia still had a couple more weeks before she would go back to work.

Amelia was laying in bed, not wanting to get up seeing as she was too tired. She just watched Link as he got ready for work.

“Are you sure you’re going to be fine?” He asked not wanting to leave her and the peanut.

“Yes, we are going to be fine. I’ll swing by the hospital later today. Also, I might’ve forgotten to tell my mother and my sisters that I had a baby,” Amelia said giving Link a nervous look.

“You forgot to tell your family about our child?” Link asked confused

“Well between the whole baby daddy drama and the actual birth of our child, it slipped my mind,” she said, giving him a look.

“Well, are you going to call them?” He asked

“I will, but after our last encounter with them I’m not really in any rush,” she said.

“Make sure you call them Amelia, they deserve to know,” that you,” he said as he got changed.

“Don’t worry I will,” she said as she sat up on the bed.

“I have to go, I’m already late,” he said leaning in to give her a kiss. He then looked at the sleeping baby in the crib. He really didn’t want to leave them, but he had to go to work.

“Link go to work, or you’ll actually be really late,” she said

“Fine I’ll go, I love you both,” he said as he grabbed his things

“We love you too,” Amelia responded, and with that Link walked out the apartment. She got up from the bed and reached for her phone staring at the screen, contemplating whether or not she should call her family. She obviously wanted them to be a part of the little peanuts' life but she didn’t want them to share their very negative input on her life as they have done in the past. She had just begun to rebuild her relationship with her mom and she didn’t want anything to ruin that. She stared at the phone a bit longer before deciding to call her mother. She wasn’t going to tell her that she had a baby over the phone. After a couple of rings, she finally picked up.

Carolyn: Hello, Amelia

Amelia: Hey mom

Carolyn: What’s going on?

Amelia: Oh nothing, I just wanted to ask if you, Nancy, Kathleen, and Liz would come to Seattle. I have something I wanted to tell you. I was thinking about dinner next week.

Carolyn: Uh, sure you’ll have to ask your sisters if they’re available. But I will be there.

Amelia: I will talk to them, thank you.

Carolyn: Just tell me when and I will be there.

Amelia: I will. Before Amelia could continue speaking, the baby started to cry. Mom I have to go, I’ll talk to you later. Love you.

Carolyn: Okay we’ll talk soon, love you too.

With that Amelia hung up the phone and went to check on the peanut. “Hey, baby, what's wrong?” She said as she picked him up from the crib. “Are you hungry?” She asked one again. She had stopped breastfeeding a few days ago since he really didn’t want to latch on anymore. Amelia made him a bottle and fed him. Once he had been fed and his diaper had been changed she put him back to sleep. It was still pretty early so she cooked some breakfast and got things done around the apartment. She didn’t know how much longer she could take being at home. She loved her son so much, but she had an itch for surgery that she couldn’t wait to scratch. She looked at the time and realized it was nearly noon, she wanted to go to the hospital to have lunch with Link. She went to go change, and get the little peanut's diaper bag ready. the baby then woke up and changed him, getting him ready to go. Once Amelia had everything ready she put him in his car seat and went out the door. She drove to the hospital and was there within 20 minutes. As she entered the hospital, she texted Link telling him she was already there. He told her he had a consult in the pit and would be out in 20 min. She decided to go to the attending lounge to wait for him. When she entered she saw Jo sitting down writing something on a notepad.

“Hey Jo,” Amelia said as she entered the room

“Amelia, hey, what are you guys going here?” She asked as she got up to grab Scout.

“We came to have lunch with Link. Plus I might be going crazy in that apartment. I love my son so much, but I need to come back,” Amelia said as Jo took the little peanut from the stroller.

“How much longer is maternity leave?” Jo asked as she carried the baby.

“A week and a half,” she said

“Almost there. So how's Link adjusting to parenthood?” She asked

“He is doing great, he actually didn’t want to leave this morning, I think he wishes his paternity leave didn’t end,” she said letting out a small laugh

“You know it’s crazy to think that Link was scared when he found out you were pregnant. He thought he wouldn’t be a good father,” Jo said thinking back

“He’s a great father. You know I didn’t tell my family that I had a baby,” Amelia said, which caused Jo to give her a confused look

“You didn’t tell them?” She asked shocked

“Well, it kinda slipped my mind between everything that happened. But I called my mother and asked her to come to Seattle with sisters so I could tell them the news. And I’m pretty sure that they’ll have their opinions like they’ve always had and it will be chaotic,” Amelia ranted

“Wow, that is why I’m glad I don’t have family,” she said

“Yea my sisters are wolves, Derek was the only one who actually cared and didn’t just focus on the lows of my life. Dinner with them will be something else,” Amelia said. A few moments later Link came through the door.

“Hey guys,” Link said

“Hey we’ve been waiting for you,” Amelia responded

“Yeah sorry, I had a consult in the pit,” he explained

“It’s fine, Jo has been keeping us company. This little peanut loved her aunt Jo,” She said

“Of course he does,” Jo said as she played with the baby.

“I think it’s my turn with this little peanut, I haven’t seen him all morning,” he said as he walked over to Jo to grab the baby

“We should get to lunch,” Amelia said.

“Yes you’re right, let me get changed and we’ll go,” he said, giving the little peanut a kiss on the four head and handing him to Amelia.

They made their way to their favorite restaurant. After sitting down and ordering their food, Amelia brought up the subject of her family.

“So I called my mother and I asked her to come down to Seattle for dinner because I had some news I had to share with her,” she explained

“So she’s coming? What about your sisters?” He asked

“I texted them and they said they’ll be here, which surprised me at first but I’m glad,” she said as she fed the baby

“Well, I’m happy they agreed to come. But what exactly are we going to do?” He said

“Well like I said, next week they’ll come and we’ll have dinner at the apartment and then we’ll tell them. There will probably be very strong opinions about it, but we’ll deal with it,” she said, giving

him a soft smile.

“We will,” he said squeezing her hand. They finished lunch and Link went back to the hospital while the little peanut and Amelia went back home.

Amelia was worried about this dinner but she wanted to share the happiness she was feeling with her family. For the rest of the week, she worked out the details with her family, making sure they would actually be there. They would arrive Friday at 5 pm and have dinner at 7 giving Link and Amelia enough time to get things ready.

The week passed but really quick, it was already Friday and Amelia was dreading this day. Link had gone to work, while Amelia got the apartment ready, she was really anxious, to say the least. Maggie was helping her cook dinner since Amelia isn’t that much of a cook.

“So when are your sisters and mom getting here?” Maggie asked

“Uhh they should be here in a couple of hours,” Amelia said a bit nervous

“How exactly are you going to tell them? Are you just bringing the baby out or do you have a whole speech prepared?” Maggie asked her sister

“Well first I have to tell them I’m with Link, and I’m sure that’ll go very well,” she said sarcastically “then I guess I’ll tell them about the little peanut, I’m honestly not sure,” she said

“This will be a very interesting dinner,” Maggie said which caused Amelia to let out a nervous laugh. It certainly will, Amelia thought

Link was at the nurse’s station updating his patient’s chart when he heard someone say Amelia's name.

“Hi I’m looking for Amelia Shepherd, could you tell me where to find her?” The woman asked. Link turned his head and saw Amelia's mother standing there.

“Mrs. Shepherd, I heard you’re looking for Amelia,” Link said putting down the tablet

“Yes, you are Dr. Lincoln right?” She asked

“Yes I am,” he said

“Do you know where I could find my daughter?” She asked

“She is actually not here right now, but I can call her. Do you want me to take you to the attending lounge, Amelia can meet you there?” He asked

“That would be great thank you,” she said giving him a soft smile

“This way,” he said, leading her to the attending lounge. When they got there he opened the door for her and settled her in.

“I will call Amelia and let her know you are here,” he said, leaving the room to call Amelia, within a few seconds she picked up.

Amelia: Hey

Link: Hey so question when is your mom supposed to get here?

Amelia: Around 5, why?

Link: Well because your mother is already here.

Amelia: What do you mean she’s already here?

Link: Yea she showed up at the hospital looking for you. I told her you weren’t here.

Amelia: Okay I will go over here right now. Did you tell her about the baby?

Link: No I haven’t told her anything, I just brought her to the attendings’ lounge, she’s waiting for you.

Amelia: Okay I will be there as soon as I can, love you.

Link: See you soon, love you too. He said as they hung up the phone

Amelia started to get her things so she could go to the hospital. She wasn’t sure whether to tell her mom about the little peanut now or wait till dinner. She opted for the wait till dinner option.

“Maggie, I have to go to the hospital because apparently my mother is already here. Can you watch the little peanut until I get back?” She said hopefully

“Absolutely, you go take care of your mom,” Maggie said

“Thank you,” Amelia said, giving her a hug and giving her son a kiss on the forehead.

“Bye,” she said as she left

“Good luck,” Maggie screamed out as Amelia walked through the door. Once Amalia had gotten to the hospital she made her way to the lounge and when she entered she saw her mother sitting there with Link.

“Mom you’re here. I thought you weren’t coming until later,” Amelia said walking over to her her mother

“I was but I decided to catch an earlier flight. I wanted to hear this news you made us come all this way for,” Carolyn said

“Uh well you’re still going to have to wait for the news, I prefer to tell you all at the same time so you can get your opinions out at the same time. I’ll just tell you over dinner,” Amelia said looking over at Link then back at her mother

“Okay then, well in the meantime why don’t you tell me why you aren’t working right now,” her mother asked

“I have the day off today. You know why don’t I take you to your hotel so you can get settled in and then you’ll come over for dinner,” Amelia said

“Okay then,” she said

“Okay great, you go ahead and I will catch up with you,” Amelia said, her mother just nodded and started walking towards the exit. Amelia then turned to Link.

“Thank you,” she said as she walked over to him. He wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled her in kissing her.

“You are welcome. By the way, where did you leave our child?” he asked confused

“He’s with Maggie, she was cooking dinner,” Amelia said

“Oh okay, well you should get going you don’t want to keep your mother waiting,” he said

“Okay, I’ll see you at home,” she said pulling away from him and going to meet her mother.

“Amelia, was part of your news that you were involved with someone?” Her mother asked

“Yeah that’s parts of it,” Amelia said softly

“And is that someone, Link?” She asked

“Yea it is. And before you say whatever you are going to say, I’m happy. I’m happier than I’ve ever been, even when I was married,” Amelia said smiling

“I wasn’t going to say anything, I was going to say that you look happy, and he seems like a great person. I do want to get to know him better,” Carolyn said

“We’ll discuss that later, let’s get you to your hotel,” Amelia said smiling. Amelia took her mother to the hotel and Amelia went back to the apartment. Once she got there Maggie had finished cooking and was now playing with the little peanut.

It was 6:30 pm and her sisters and mother would arrive any minute. Maggie has decided to take the baby to Meredith's house, letting Amelia and Link talk to her family by themselves. Link had called her to tell her he would be late because he was stuck in surgery. She was fixing the table when she heard someone knocking on the door. She placed the last plate on the table and went to open the door. When she opened it she saw her sisters and mother standing at the doorway.

“Hi, I’m glad you all made it,” Amelia said

“Well you said you had news, we had to come see for ourselves what you got yourself in to,” Kathleen said

“Always great to see you Kathleen,” Amelia said sarcastically

“Are you gonna let us in or what?” Kathleen said

“Come on in,” Amelia said, stepping aside to let her family in.

“Nice apartment, Amelia. Do you live here by yourself?” Nancy asked

“Uhh I actually live here with my boyfriend,” Amelia said

“Oh so you’re involved with someone,” Liz asked a little surprised

“Yeah we’ve been seeing each other for a while now,” she said

“And who is this someone?” Nancy asked

“Atticus Lincoln, you might’ve met him in New York,” Amelia said, preparing herself for her sister's judgment.

“Who's this?” Liz asked

“Oh you totally missed it Liz, she brought a total stranger to dinner at Nancy's house and made him pretend he was her husband who she had already divorced,” Kathleen said

“I knew you were narcissistic but to go this far just so we didn’t know about your marriage failed is something else,” Liz said

“Girls stop it,” Carolyn said, not being able to hear her daughters bickering.

“Yes I brought someone to pretend to be my husband because my marriage had failed. And all of you don’t have a right to say anything about it because you don’t even go. Also it was the best decision I made because we ended up together. And I love him,” Amelia said, with that Link walked through the door.

“Hey I’m home, sorry I was late. Surgery ran long and I couldn’t get out,” Link said walking through the door. When he turned around he saw the Shepherd sisters and her mother.

“Ahh and he arrives,” Kathleen said

“Oh, hello everyone,” he said standing there a feeling a bit uncomfortable

“You know what, why don’t we have dinner,” Amelia said. They all made their way to the dinner table and sat down.

They all sat in silence eating their dinner. Amelia and Link just looked at one another. They had decided to wait till after dinner to tell them about the baby.

“Amelia are you ever going to tell us what this news was about that you had to bring all the way over here?” Nancy asked. Link and Amelia just looked at each other, not knowing where to start.

“Wait don’t tell me your pregnant,” Liz said

“Uh I’m not pregnant, but I uh-,” Amelia started to say but then was cut off by her sister

“Don’t get me wrong, but I don’t think your ready to be a mom,” Nancy said. This seemed to strike a nerve with Amelia.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Amelia asked getting a bit angry.

“Well given your history I just don’t think-“ Nancy started to day but was cut off by Amelia

“Given my history? What because I’m an addict? I have been clean for years now. And you don’t know anything about my history. You don’t know what I’ve been through, what I’ve had to overcome, you weren’t there,” Amelia said shouting. He sister’s would always see her as the black sheep of the family. They would always see her as a druggie. But they didn’t know anything, they didn't know how hard it was, how hard it was to lose Christopher.

“Amelia you should calm down,” Link said

“No they don’t get to sit here and still after all this time judge me for the things I’ve done in the past. Because they were never there. They weren’t there when I lost my baby, they weren’t there when I grieved my fiancés death, when Derek died, they were never there. And to think I wanted them to be a part of our baby’s life,” Amelia blurred out. She didn’t even realize what she had said until she had said it. She felt tears building up.

“You had a baby before. And you have a baby now?” Carolyn asked

“When I lived in LA I was pregnant, but he died. He was born without a brain. Losing him was the worst thing I had ever gone through. Then I found I was pregnant with Links baby. I wasn’t sure I wanted to keep him because I wouldn’t be able to survive the pain of losing another baby. But I decided to keep him and it was the best decision I’ve ever made. I have a healthy beautiful baby boy with the man that I love,” Amelia said smiling at Link. Her sister remained speechless.

“But you know what, it doesn’t matter, I don’t want you to be a part of my baby’s life. Because in your eyes I will always be a drug addict. And I can’t change that image you have of me, so I’m done trying,” Amelia said, getting up and going to the bedroom. She couldn’t see them anymore. She told them the truth, she told them about Christopher and it felt like she was reliving it all over again. She sat on the bed and started to cry. Letting out everything she was holding inside. A couple of minutes later Link came in.

“Are they gone?” She asked wiping the tears away

“Yea they went back to the hotel. I’m sorry for pushing you to tell them about the little peanut,” Link said as he sat next to her

“It’s not your fault. They had a right to know, they were going to find out eventually,” she said

“Are you okay?” He asked worried about her

“I’m fine, it was just hard to tell them. But I’m happy because we have a healthy baby boy. And what they think about the situation doesn’t matter,” She said intertwining her hand with his. She puts her head on his shoulder finding comfort being close to him.

“You know you’re a wonderful mother, no matter what they say. You are the best mother any baby could ask for,” Link said reassuring Amelia. She just nodded at his words.

“We need to go pick up our son at Mer’s house,” Amelia said

“Okay let's go,” he responded. They made their way to Meredith's house to pick up the little peanuts. They entered the house and saw Meredith and Maggie in the living room with the baby.

“Hey you’re here, it’s early,” Maggie

“How did dinner go?” Meredith asked, Amelia and Link just looked at each other and Meredith knew what that meant

“That bad huh?” Maggie asked

“Well my mother was great, she was shocked but she was fine. My sisters on the other hand said that I wouldn’t be a good mother given my history as a drug addict,” Amelia said, Link gave her a reassuring squeeze on her shoulder.

“That’s awful, are you okay,” Maggie asked

“I’m fine, I just want to take my baby home and go to sleep,” Amelia said

“Here you go, he was really calm today. He’s fed, and his diaper is changed,” Maggie said, giving the baby back to Amelia.

“Thank you for taking care of him, both of you,” Link said

“No problem,” Maggie responded. Once they had arrived back to the apartment they put the baby to sleep and went to bed themselves.

Link and Amelia woke up to someone knocking on the door. They were confused on who it could be given that it was 8 am. They got up from their bed and went to open the door. When they opened it they saw that it was her sisters and mother at the door.

“What are you all doing here?” She asked confused

“We couldn’t leave and leave things with you how we did,” Carolyn said

“We came to say we’re sorry,” Liz said

“And we would like to meet your baby boy, if you’ll let us,” Nancy said

“We would like to be a part of his life,” Kathleen said. Amelia smiled at them and let them in. She smiled at Link, which he returned.

“I’ll go get him,” Link said, going to their room to pick up their baby. He came back into the living room carrying their sleeping baby boy.

“May I?” Carolyn asked

“Sure,” Link responded handing the little peanut over to Carolyn.

“He���s beautiful,” Nancy said as she watched her mother carrying the baby. Link pulled Amelia closer to him, they were both smiling at the image before them.

“Derek would be so proud of you,” Carolyn said with tears in her eyes. This made Amelia smile so big, she wished her brother was there to meet his nephew. She was happy that her family was here meeting her baby. She was just happy.

#amelia shepherd #amelia and link #amelink #atticus lincoln #greys anatomy #meredith grey #maggie pierce #amelia x link #derek shepherd

[lovemesomesurveys]

1 - What's your favourite TV show that was released before you were born? What is it that got you into that show in the first place? I have a few, such as I Love Lucy, The Dick Van Dyke Show, The Golden Girls, and Roseanne. Most I got into with my grandmothers, but I’m honestly not sure how I started watching Roseanne.

2 - What is your preferred brand and flavour of ice-cream? Strawberry, mint chocolate chip, cookies and cream, and birthday cake.

3 - When's the last time you got something in your eye? Earlier I had an eyelash stuck in there.

4 - When was the last time someone got you flowers and what was the occasion? For my birthday a few yeas ago.

5 - What are your plans for tomorrow? Are these normal for that particular day of the week or are you doing something out of the ordinary? Same stuff as always, which yes is normal for that day and everyday.

6 - What will you be eating for your next meal? I’m not sure yet.

7 - Who was the last person to pay you a compliment? How did you come to know that person? It was my aunt.

8 - When is the last time the weather changed your plans? What were your plans and what did you end up doing instead? I don’t recall to be honest.

9 - What's your favourite kind of liquor? Do you prefer it "plain", flavoured or in a mixer? I don’t drink.

10 - Who was the last person you spoke to via video call? Did you speak to this person via video before the pandemic hit? My doctor for my appointment last month. No, that was the first time we did a Zoom appointment.

11 - Are you someone who prefers routine or spontaneity? My days are very routine.

12 - What streaming services (if any) are you subscribed to? Do you think they're good value for money? Several. We have Netflix, Hulu, Disney+, AppleTV+, HBO Max, Paramount+, and Amazon Prime.

13 - When was the last time you struggled to get to sleep? What did you do to help things? Every night for over a year now. I have my nightly routine I do until I eventually fall asleep.

14 - How often do you get your five a day? What was the last fruit or veggie that you ate? I never do. I may get some spinach, green onions, or potatoes in now and then, but it’s not a regular thing and certainly not the recommended amount. I haven’t had fruit in years... :X

15 - How do you take your coffee? With flavored creamer or cream (half and half) and sugar.

16 - Is there anything that you're currently putting off? When do you think you'll finally get round to doing it? I’ve put off a lot of things for years and it’s not good. I don’t know when or if I’ll get to them. :/

17 - When was the last time you watched a Disney film? Which one was it and is it one of your favourites? I think it was Soul. It was good, but I wouldn’t call it a favorite.

18 - What was the last household chore you completed? Is this something you do regularly? Put the silverware and some of the stuff that goes in places I can reach away from the dishwasher. I do it somewhat regularly. Usually, someone else just does it.

19 - Who were you with the last time you went out for a meal? My mom and brother back before the pandemic hit.

20 - Have you had your COVID vaccine yet? If not, are you going to accept it when you're offered? No. I haven’t decided what I will do yet.

21 - Do you have any pets and how many? If not, would you like to have one someday? Yeah, I have a doggo. 

22 - What's the most unusual meat you've ever eaten? Did you like it? I haven’t had anything unusual. I’m super picky and particular and not adventurous at all when it comes to my food (or anything).

23 - Do you prefer still or sparkling water and why? Still. I don’t like the taste of sparkling water.

24 - Do you own a car? If so, could you live your current lifestyle without one? If you don't have one, would having one change your life in any way? No, cause I don’t drive so I don’t have a need for a car.

25 - Who was the last person you made plans with and what are you going to do? I haven’t made plans in a long time.

26 - What's the worst kind of physical pain you've ever experienced? Is this a one-off or is it something you experience regularly? The pain after all my surgeries, for sure. The recovery for them was rough. 

27 - What's your favourite length for a survey to be? Do you get put off if surveys are longer or shorter than you like? I like them to be at least 20 questions, but preferably more. Like this length is good. I could go for longer, though. If it’s less than 20 than I very rarely bother. 

28 - What colours are you wearing at the moment? Are any of those colours your favourite? Black, red, and gray. I like ‘em all.

29 - Once you've found a TV show you like, do you tend to watch it over and over again? What was the last TV programme you watched for the second for third time? Not necessarily, but there are several shows I do that with. The last one I did that with was Wandavision. But there’s also shows I watch that come on TV everyday at certain times such as The Golden Girls, Roseanne, King of Queens, and Reba  that I kinda just have on in the background or depending on the time are on as I’m falling asleep. Like right now it’s 5:45AM and The Golden Girls are on in the background as I’m doing this and listening to an ASMR video with headphones.

30 - When was the last time you cried and what was the reason for it? Do you feel better now? Last night because I was in a shit mood and meh. 

#personal #text #survey #surveys

[thatcnamomnwife]

Well, hello!

I really just wanted to check out this app because I don’t know anyone really who blogs here... maybe I could meet new people make friends I can chat with. I don’t work anymore and I have very little company. My ex husbands wife has come to visit and let our youngest boys play together and my family has come in and out to help keep things up in the house. I broke my leg in a car accident in October. I still can’t walk.

I laugh about it now because my two other siblings here have both been in worse car accidents and walked away with scratches. My brother was knocked unconsious and woke up and walked 2 miles home. I hit a tree to avoid hitting the back end of a truck that was stopped in a work zone and when I hit the break popped back and broke my ankle tib and fib... I knew I had broken it but was not aware of how bad it was. My EMT was wonderful in keeping me calm. I heard comments when I got to the hospital about it being really bad but I didn’t want to see the damage. They knocked me out and put me into surgery. I woke up with a fixater on my leg. The next night after I asked for pain meds 3 or 4 times in a row because the Dilaudid didn’t work, my assigned surgeon came in and examined my leg. I had compartment syndrome and needed a fasciotomy asap. so the next time I woke up I still had the fix and then my leg was completely wrapped. Every time I tried to do physical therapy I would. Bleed everywhere. I found out I had two huge gaping cuts in the side of my leg and 2 equally gaping cuts in the top of my foot. In the hospital I tried my best to keep up hope that this would all be over soon. My friends at work (I’m a CNA) got ahold of me and cheered me on the get better and come back to work soon. But here I am. It’s February and I’m still wheelchair bound and not walking. The way my surgeon fixed my leg set it to where my toes almost faced the ground and my ankle is now fixed as if its ready for a stiletto. I have worked hard to get to rotate my ankle and lift my toes a little bit and as my physical therapy has me working on the they are working on lifting this deep scar on top of my foot.

It sucks to have to depend on everyone else to get help. I can do some things on my own. But I can’t cook my own food by myself. I can do dishes actually but it’s really hard. I can move from place to place with my walker. But since I’m on one leg it’s hard and I wear out fast. I can’t go anywhere unless someone takes me. Sitting in a car is hell because I lose circulation in my leg easily. If I get annoyed with my husband or my kids get on my nerves I can’t just go outside.

I spent the first month crying. Every day. I’m not kidding. I cried even harder Every appointment because my surgeon is a straight forward kinda guy. My home health nurse came in and saw that I was cracking and she suggested I act for a low dose antidepressant and I just gave and said yea. I’m tired of crying. Well it’s worked so far. I still get mad and throw fits and cry but I think that’s just me being human and besides that anyone in the medical profession is bound be make a horrible patient.

I am a lot better now. In fact despite the fact that my leg still doesn’t work, I’m in ok spirits. I miss my job, my residents, and most of my coworkers. I worked through what I feel is the worst part of COVID in my area and I worked while I had it. I was so proud of my self for not giving up in that mess. I miss the hard work. I wanna go back but I know I will never get to run around like I did before. It just sucks.

But in the midst of this whole crap show my husband and I got married in December! It was a beautiful low cost home wedding and my family couldn’t come because they were quarantined but we had our other loved ones there. I won’t lie I looked amazing in my wedding dress and my hair and makeup was gorgeous. Nothing has changed since we got married. We are still bickering at each other but at the end of the day I love him and he loves me. We have been through it all in these 6 years and I wouldn’t have him any other way. He’s lazy. He frustrates me but he is a good man and a good dad to our son. My daughters love him. My oldest calls him dad. And he has pretty much jumped trough hoops for them since he met them. We are all a happy family and I love my life. I just don’t like where I’m at in my life.

I have 3 kids. My oldest is 14 and she’s a type 1 diabetic. Shes a hormonal teen with diabetes. We have blood sugar issues every day. Hormones raging. She recently got grounded for not doing her chores and lying about her blood checks and she lost it over not being on the phone for a few days. But damn she is smart. She wants to be a mortician when she graduates college. She passes state testing like it’s nothing. And she’s a complete music lover. She was the 18th chair in junior all region choir last year. She was the youngest in her group to get in. So I brag on her a lot. My middle child is a lot of energy and she frustrates me. She’s 10 and she’s been stuck in this stage where she acts like she doesn’t have common sense. We’ve taught her how to use the washer and dryer several times and this kid still says she don’t know how to use it. She’s the one who argues even if she knows she’s wrong she will still try to make you think she’s right. She will agree to something one minute and then get mad about it later. She will not brush her hair and she does this on purpose because she claims is a part of her personality. She also recently told me she’s bisexual. She’s a good kid though. Teachers and kids at school love her she don’t get in trouble ever. And she’s also a smart kid! She excelled in school to the highest. I’m very proud of my girls.

My son is 4 and he is a big ball of adhd. He bounces off walls and he’s very violent. We have been trying to get him evaluated so we can get him on proper meds before kindergarten but It hasn’t happened yet. But he’s also a sweet kid. He is very smart too. He knows all of his colors and can count to 10. He knows his name. But he tells you he’s 400 years old instead of 4 lol.

My mom and sister are both life savers to me. They have taken care of me through this. When I need them they are there. My brother prefers to live his own life and visit at moms with me from time to time. But I love him. I miss him.

My dad left my mom when I was 13. He caught up with my half sister. Fell in love with his ex wife and moved away. I have seen him 4 times since he left and the last time I saw him was when I was 19 and pregnant with my oldest child. He’s never met my kids in person and he’s only spoken to my oldest on the phone once. 2 years ago he disappeared after planning to come stay on my moms property to get back on his feet and get proper medical treatment. He asked our side of the family for money (like $1000) and none of us had that. So he tried to make us feel bad and then never contacted us again. I’ve heard fromy step sisters that he’s been spotted here and there but we honestly Don’t know where he is, what he’s doing and if he’s even alive. I hate to say it but it doesn’t bother me anymore. I used to break down thinking about him dying and not knowing. Now I feel different. He’s been gone most of my life now.

I also have this best friend who is more than my best friend. She’s my soul. This girl has helped me through some of the worst parts of my life. She and I don’t get to see each other very often but we are always family to each other. She and I talk almost daily. I just love her.

That’s my family though. It’s a hot mess but it’s mine and I love it. At the end of every day I am blessed because I’m loved and cared for.

[geekkatsblog]

Grey's Anatomy 16x14 review

(Who hurt the writers on Grey's? Everyone is breaking up and everyone's unhappy.)

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Deluca

Talking about him first because he is the biggest mess on Grey's right now and that's saying something. I really hope its sleep deprivation and not anything else because the way he's heading, hes gonna either be put in the mental or fired and either way no one can say he wouldn't deserve it. He was just out of it the whole episode. He was an ass to Dr Haynes who is one of his superiors, Yelling at Meredith in front of everyone, bringing out all of their personal business and even if he didn't care that's really embarrassing for the chief of surgery to be yelled at by a resident. He broke up with Meredith and THEN YELLED AT THE PATIENT. I was just done by then and Dr Riley calling him a machine 😳😱😰, wow what is happening to sweet innocent Deluca? I miss him. I sure hope that they figure out fast and solve what the hell is wrong with him or he's gone.

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Meredith

Apparently had no patients or chief of general surgery duties to do, so she decided to steal Deluca's out of concern, only to be yelled at, dumped and embarrassed by her resident/boyfriend. Honestly I don't know what to say, well for starters she should have either left Deluca alone or suggested the problem to Bailey and have another Doctor take over Suzanne instead of taking over the case. She can't keep using her Chief of General status to protect him. She should have chewed him out and told him to go get some sleep like she would have done with any other resident. Was kinda disappointed she let him talk to her like that. Come on Mer great sex or not he's not worth lowering your respect at work, at least not again you already went through that as an intern.

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Dr Haynes/ Mc Widow

So far so good, still not at shipper level with him and Mer yet, but as a stand alone character hell yea he's awesome. I kinda like him as the peds dr as well, him trying to help Joey with his physical therapy was something that he could have pawned of to an intern but no he made it his priority to find out himself how to help Joey, you can tell he really cares for his patients. My heart melted when he discussed with Bailey on how to help Joey, and then when he tried to defend Meredith form Deluca who is currently in hulk form. He's a cool addition to the cast so far.

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Jo Wilson/Karev

Is definitely on the brink of breaking and who could blame her? However she needs to find another way to break besides sticking her nose in other people's business. When she was talking to Link about Amelia earlier about having a tumor and not wanting kids. She definitely did not have the whole story about that and needed to zip it then in the OR with Owen she brought up how he would feel if Amelia's baby was HIS OMG, she almost ruined everything. For a second I wanted to slap her but then when she started to cry at the phone call with Alex and I couldn't stay mad, she's definitely suffering right now. Why are they doing it this way? I can't understand. They made a reference with the bear case and rekindled old flames that made me wonder if Alex found Izzie Idk, I'll have to wait and see.

On another note though, did they really try to validate affairs on that episode last night? Wow.

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Owen

Giving advice on how to care for a pregnant woman to Link on the elevator..... what a cringe 😖😖. Link knew and he didn't. And then besides going to the ultrasounds was Owen really there for Teddy? the 1st third Teddy was afraid to tell him she was pregnant, the 2nd third he spent being upset with Teddy and sorting out his relationship with Amelia and the adopted kids and the 3rd third he was pissed at Teddy's relationship with Koracick so when we think about it is he really qualified to give advice??? That was all he did in the episode, give advice, even to Jo. Since when is he a reliable source at giving advice.

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Bailey

Nothing much to do, except give a PSA on menopause, kicking Deluca off the case, temporarily ending powered up Deluca and sharing some joy with Joey while also attempting to share some with Richard. She is definitely going to help Joey, I'm not sure about the others since they seem to be happy and settling into their new homes well. Plus 4 adoptees as well as Tuck, that might be a little too much to handle. I was happy to see her and Richard's friendship as I usually am. That is the most personal I've seen their friendship usually it's mostly work husband to work wife. She's concerned and for good reason because I've never seen him so down before, it's almost at alcoholism relapse level and she's probably the only one left to help him.

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Richard

Is in a deep slump. His wife left him, hes separated and work no longer seems to be doing the trick for distracting him. Hes not teaching the interns and refusing to accept the help from friends. I hope this isn't a relapse coming or a cheating scandal either. Richard you've come too far now to go backwards. Get it together and surprise Catherine by being great.

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Amelia/Link

They broke up........ saw it coming but yet didn't see it coming and the excuse she used. Idk it was a little weak at the end of the day anyone would be sceptical to enter a relationship with potentially another man's baby. It may however be for the best right now, she had a rough pregnancy before where her baby died and the paternity stress definitely isn't good for her and baby. She needs to focus on her and her kid for now to ensure a healthy birth. Then for sure she needs to get the test done and face the problem. Props for her though for finally realizing that Maggie is possibly one of the most supportive people ever and deserves to be supported as well.

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Maggie

May have finally found her person in Amelia Shepherd who after being shown how it's done to be a supportive person has seemed to try it for herself. Their moments tonight were sweet to me Amelia is more like her half sister than Mer is. They really are sweet and are developing a close bond. When Amelia called her everything at the end to Link❤❤❤. I think this is the beginning to a beautiful sister hood.

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Jackson

Mark Sloan's work reincarnated, then in the episode at the end, popped up out of no where outside Meredith's house to apologize for being an ass to Maggie at the end of their relationship. Basically just a filler role tonight.

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Nico and Levi

They were the most confusing of the night and that's saying something. At the beginning of their relationship Nico tells Levi he doesn't want a baby gay who's parents don't know that he's gay and after Levi outed himself to his parents and family and everyone else causing conflict among his family Nico then confesses that his own parents are unaware that he's gay.

Say what????????????

The funniest part to me about it is that when Levi was about to tell him how wrong it was for Nico to come at him for not telling his parents when he himself didn't even tell his own family, Nico was like I know what I said,....... excuse me what? The writers didn't even try with this one, they made him say one thing and was like well we need to throw some good old fashion conflict in these guy's relationships so let's just ignore what he said earlier and go from there. It sucks because they really were a great couple with potential.

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End notes/Questions

• I'm incredibly thankful that Suzanne lived so that her kids could see her again. She really is an awesome mom, and her family dynamic, with her sister reminds me of the one I have with my sister, so that case really did hit a spot.

• The foster kids reunion was so cute and how sweet is Joey, hes like the kindest teenager ever. And so are his siblings, they're all adorable.

• I need them to do something with the place they're taking Deluca down and solve it fast because I don't like the place he's heading.

• Same goes for Alex, hes ghosting Jo and now Meredith. I know they have to try to take the band aid off slowly so it won't affect Jo's character but I wished they'd do it without erasing Alex's growth.

• Will Link and Amelia get back together and who's the father Owen or Link?

• Is Richard going to have a relapse or is something going to change.

• Will Ben and Bailey adopt Joey and his siblings, just Joey or none. For some reason I can feel a Ben and Bailey conflict coming on, they haven't discussed the miscarriage and that's bad.

• What's going to happen with Livi and Nico? I'm at a lost on where it's going at this point.

• Pac north is gone, are we going to see some more new doctors at the hospital?

• And last and most importantly, can we have at least one healthy happy couple on Grey's If not I'll settle for a happy healthy person.

#grey's spoilers #greys anatomy #grey's anatomy #meredith grey #miranda bailey #jo wilson #jo karev #jackson avery #maggie pierce #richard webber #catherine avery #alex karev #amelia shepherd #atticus link #levi schmitt #episode review #review #tv fandom #tv show #tv series #owen hunt #teddy altman #shonda rhimes #shondaland #tv characters #things i love #greys abc #grey s anatomy #izzie stevens

[change-your-mind-au]

Ch 15: The Explanation 

It was about 3am. Dr. Maheswaran was in a station area filling out some paperwork for a patient. She sighed as she finished it before straightening them up. She put them in a folder before looking at the time. 2:49am. Perhaps she should go check on Steven to see how he's doing.

"Dr. Maheswaran!" a voice called behind her.

She turned around to see Dr. Randy walked down the hallway to meet her.

"Oh, Dr. Randy hello."

"Hey, what are you doing?" she asked.

"Well I just finished paperwork for Mr. Franklin. Now I'm going to go check on Mr. Universe."

"Isn't that the kid who was stabbed in the stomach?"

"Yea...he is."

Dr. Randy sighs. "It still baffles me who would do such a thing to a young boy."

"It's...complicated. Anyway, I should head to his room."

"Of course," Dr. Randy nods.

Dr. Maheswaran continued her way into Steven's room. She walked in to see Steven still lying unconscious in his bed. She sighed as she walked up to him to take some of his vitals before going to check on some of his paperwork. She couldn't help but think about what happened after Steven had his panic attack. Also how her daughter fled out of the room and how she had to comfort her afterwards.

Dr. Maheswaran walked out of the room to find her daughter. She wanted to see if her daughter was ok before going back to her work. As she walked down the hall, she found Connie in a small and empty waiting room. She was still shaking and continuing to cry, not aware of her mother in the room yet.

"Connie?"

Connie flinched slightly as she looked up at her mom, tear filled eyes widening in shock.

Mom! I...I-I'm really sorry I ran out like that! I...I just...I couldn't! I couldn't s-see him like that again!"

Dr. Maheswaran walked over and sat next to her daughter.

"Hey, it's ok. It's natural to be scared like that. Especially…" she stops and sighs. "Steven's father wasn't better off either. He was crying hysterically. I think Bismuth...her name was I think...had to hold him back and also comfort him. I couldn't help but empathize with him."

"What?" 

"Just...having to see your child like that. I couldn't imagine what would've happened if you were in Steven's position."

"But...I…"

"Don't get me wrong, Steven doesn't deserve to be in this position either. When you came to the hospital, I was relieved to see you were ok...well, physically. But I could tell mentally…" she sighs. "Let's just say I can empathize with Greg in terms of being a parent."

"Oh…" Connie looks back down. "I-I'm sorry…!

"Connie, none of this was your fault. You couldn't have known this would happen."

"Yea...but-."

Suddenly, Dr. Maheswaran pulled Connie into a hug.

"I...may not know exactly what you're going through or what you saw, but your father and I will be here for you."

Connie only stared in shock for a few seconds before giving in and crying her eyes out shaking and hugging her mother back. Dr. Maheswaran hugged her all the time Connie needed. She only wanted both Connie and Steven to get through this together.

Dr. Maheswaran was continuing to check some of Steven's paperwork. She was looking over and writing down on some of them. The only thing that was keeping the room from being quiet, was the sound of the heart monitor going off every 2 or 3 seconds. 

A little bit later, she finished writing the paperwork and went towards Steven to check on his vitals again. As she went to do so, Steven suddenly began to stir. She pulled her hand back a little as she witnessed this. Steven groaned and stirred for a few seconds before opening his eyes a little. 

He stared at the ceiling with glazed over drooped eyes. He looked exhausted and completely out of it as he stared at the ceiling. She looked at her watch for the time. 3:10am. She wasn't expecting him to wake up until at least later this morning. But that didn't matter.

"Steven?"

Steven's head tilted slightly towards her with his eyes half open. He only stared at her. Dr. Maheswaran sighs as her voice went more gentle.

"Hey, can you hear me?"

Steven only blinked at her as if he didn't hear her.

"Steven?" 

He once again blinked and stared at her for a few moments. After those few moments he spoke.

"C-Con'ie's...m-mooommmmm?" his voice was weak and slurred.

"Yes it's me," Dr. Maheswaran still spoke gently. "How are you feeling?"

Steven looked around for a moment before back at her.

"Ti'rrrrrdddd," he says back.

"I figured as much. Steven, do you remember anything from earlier?"

"Mmmm...r-remembbberrr n-not be'ng able t-to br'eaaatthhhhhh…"

"That's right."

Steven stares for a few seconds before his eyes widen slightly and starts trying to sit up.

"Whoa whoa whoa," Dr. Maheswaran was quick to grab his shoulders and gently lay him back down. "Don't sit up. You're still injured. You're under several sedatives so you would be more calm, but you could still get stressed." 

Steven glances down and lets out a sigh.

"I-I'm...s-sorrrryyyy...I d-d-didn't m-meaaannn to…"

Dr. Maheswaran shakes her head. "No it wasn't your fault. It was clear you weren't ready to hear information like that."

Steven looked down for a moment before looking back up at her.

"W-what...ha'ened to m-meeee? Y-you s'id I w-was in a...c-c-commmmaaa b-but...no'hing elssseee."

Dr. Maheswaran frowned as if debating rather to tell him everything that happened. She knew she couldn't wait too long to tell him, but she knew what his reaction would be. 

Then again, Steven was under a lot of medications that would keep him calm down...so if anything, Steven would less likely to have another panic attack once she told him what happened. She took a deep breath and looked at him.

"Ok, you deserve to know what happened. So...first off, do you remember anything that happened to you in the time of the incident?"

"U-ummm...th-the on'y thing I re-re-rememmmbbberrr, i-is the p'in sl-slightly a-annnnddd C-C-Conn'e...h-her f-face…"

Dr. Maheswaran looked at Steven and sighed.

"Yea...she was worried about you. Well, this isn't really an easy thing to say, but...your heart stopped on the way to the hospital."

Steven's eyes widened as his heart monitor spiked up slightly.

"W-wha?!"

"Hey hey, try and calm down, " she laid a hand on his shoulder, which thanks to the sedative, calmed him down almost immediately. "Bismuth and Connie helped restart your heart. It was stopped for a few minutes so there wasn't any lasting damage to your brain. However, your heart...did stop two more times during a 10 hour surgery…"

Steven's eyes widen again looking a little freaked out, but the sedative didn't allow him to freak out too much.

"H-how...h-h-how l'nngggg was I o-o-ooouuutttt?"

She sighs. "3 months."

"W-what?! But….but…"

"That's everything you need to know in terms of your state. Your father has been by your side mainly everyday since he was allowed to see you."

"I-I'm s'rry…I didn't me'n toooooo-."

"Don't be. This isn't your fault. What's important now is that you're awake and now you can properly recover."

"I c-c-can heaaalllll m'self…"

"I don't think your healing powers can fully heal this. The damage was pretty severe. Besides, the wound was pretty close to your wound, so your gem might've taken some damage even though it wasn't damaged physically."

"B-but I-."

"Steven…" Dr. Maheswaran sighs. "I just don't want you rushing this recovery even if your...gem powers somehow managed to heal your wound. Your body has been through a lot of trauma already as it is."

"B-but…"

Steven's eyes began to droop again as it looked like he was fighting to stay awake. Dr. Maheswaran noticed this and frowned.

"You can use more rest through."

"...'m…'m f'ne…"

"Steven, please just get some more rest. We can talk more about this later. Your father isn't the only one who's worried about you, you know."

Steven only stared at Dr. Maheswaran for a few seconds before his body gave out on him and forced him to fall back asleep. Dr. Maheswaran sighed as she rubbed Steven's forehead.

"You may not be my son, but I care about you like you are. Just please try to take time with this recovery alright?"

She sighs as she finishes her paperwork and leaves the room. She knew when she gets back for her next shift, she'll have a lot more to do with Steven.