#and it's someone i very much don't want to be in this little validation loop with

[dead-core]

understanding bpd is crazy like why am i suddenly being insane? oooohhh because someone canceled on me and even though it's not personal now i desperately need their validation. great. cool.

#bpd #actually bpd #bpd thoughts #bpd feels #bpd vent #bpd mood #this is so stupid #and it's someone i very much don't want to be in this little validation loop with #ugh ugh ugh

[tokiro07]

Undead Unluck ch.180 thoughts

[You're Back! And Your Front - You're Both Here!]

(Contents: Fuuko analysis)

After over a year completely absent from the story, Andy has finally returned!!! Sort of. This one's just a clone, but it's still his consciousness, so we can't go so far as to say he's a fake or anything like that, it just means that he's not back permanently just yet. Sadly, he'll be gone before we know it, probably by the end of next chapter or the following depending on how quickly a "minute" passes

While that is the most exciting part of this week's chapter, though, I have already talked about it in a separate post, and thematically it contributes very little to the chapter as a whole, so it doesn't give me much to chew on right now

But you know who does? Fuuko. Fuuko continues to be one of the best protagonists I've ever read if for no other reason than because she is constantly growing. In fact, this chapter gives us two instances of her immense capacity for growth, one retroactive and one current

First, I want to talk about her surgical skills. Upon seeing Fuuko's proficiency with a scalpel, Rip notes that it took him ten years to get that good, to which Fuuko replies that everyone has their own set of talents - it took her 100 years to get to that level. We know that Fuuko's been kicking around this loop for 200+ years now, but aside from getting in on the ground floor of the fossil fuel economy and flirting with old martial arts masters, we don't really know how Fuuko spent most of her time. This revelation makes it clear that she wasn't just twiddling her thumbs and waiting for everything to fall into place, she was using her time to learn everything she might need to know going forward. She couldn't rely on being lucky enough that someone would know how to perform Leila's surgery aside from Rip, she had to be the one who could do it just in case. It was difficult, obviously, but that didn't matter - she had to do it, and when you have a potentially infinite lifetime, something being a "waste of time" isn't a valid excuse anymore

Compare this to when Fuuko was instructed to write a manga to get close to Anno Un in ch.37 - immediately she tried to get out of it, declaring that there was too big of a gap between reading and writing for her to be able to succeed. It didn't take a ton of convincing to change her mind, obviously, but she still needed to know that Andy was at her back and had the skills necessary to cover for her before she was willing to take even so much as the first step. This time, though, she had nobody. She had to do everything all alone, with no safety nets or guarantees, and she was able to turn those anxieties into the motivation she needed to succeed

It's also interesting that this means that she's taken the same basic path as Andy this time around: when Andy learned he was immortal, he started dabbling in various skills, such as hairdressing and manga authorship. However, whereas Andy was just aimlessly picking up skills to kill the boredom, Fuuko used her time wisely to plan out every eventuality along her 200-year path

I will say it's not exactly fair to say that it took Fuuko ten times as long as Rip to learn how to perform surgery, though - if she took 100 years, she must have started 100+ years ago. How different was medical knowledge and technology between 1800 and 1915? What tools do we have now that they couldn't have had? Society moves as fast as its tech will allow, so obviously someone working with outdated materials is going to learn that much slower, especially if she's trying to learn modern techniques

Not only has Fuuko shown her growth as an individual, though, she's also shown her growth as a leader. In accidentally triggering Unluck on Rip (with the same level of affection as she had for Andy when she first kissed him, I might add!), Fuuko summons a meteor that she knows will destroy the hospital. The last time this sort of accident happened was at the end of the Buroja Conflict in ch.153 when she inadvertently dropped Disc on Nico. At the time, she was paralyzed with guilt and fear, crying from the knowledge that she's not only killed one of her best friends, but possibly everyone who matters to her, and she can't do anything about it. What snapped her out of it was the reassurance from her friends that this was not an inescapable tragedy, but a problem to be solved by everyone working together - all she had to do was give the order

This time, Fuuko still knew that what was coming was terrible and was afraid of the outcome, but instead of wallowing in guilt, she jumped into action, figuring out the best course of action for everyone involved near instantly. Of course, she still didn't have the solution totally figured out, but she was able to create a plan on the fly because she didn't need any reminders that everyone present was strong enough to come together and save the day so long as they have strong enough leadership to unify them

But of course, Tozuka wasn't going to let Fuuko get away with simply minimizing casualities, he was always going to give her a definitive way out that would bolster her courage to the max. With Andy's return, all of Fuuko's anxieties are washed away, and the path to the goal has become clear as day - all she has to do is give the order

#undead unluck #fouryearsandananime #4y1a reviews

[hybbart]

Fhdhfhf normally I just scream in the tags but I gotta be more direct-- I absolutely love the expressions in the most recent apocalypse drawing-- they are chef's kiss!!

Like,, Jimmy's face is just so soft and genuinely concerned without an ounce of judgement meanwhile we have a very unimpressed Scott overlooking from the background--

And of course, the cherry on top-- Tango himself-- you can SEE the STUBBORNNESS and STRUGGLE and IT IS CLEARLY GOOD-NATURED BUT ALSO BESTIE JUST ASK FOR HELP and I'm just AUGAHUFUHR /positive /affectionate /I'm chewing your art

Thank you!

And ye. It's something I thought a lot about cause I knew early on that at some point, between his create skin and whatever's up with his DM skin's hand, I would want to take Tango's left arm. I tried to quickly write my thoughts but like usual I wrote a novel instead.

tl;dr: Tango's an insecure little baby who thinks his insecurities are justified by their situation so he holds himself to impossible standards he would never dare hold anyone else to.

(Also thank you for using full word tones)

Between the ranchers Tango's used to being the dependable one - maybe even a bit prideful about it - and gets guilty and insecure whenever he fails. Specifically in a very defensive boomer-y sort of way. He doesn't much think about how "I need to be useful" is a pretty awful way to think about himself, and also a bit backhanded to Jimmy too, who similarly can't always be useful.

Probably not something this format is conducive to explore much, since it's a very internal struggle. But I think it's an interesting struggle to have in a rough survival setting. It's certainly a situation that can exacerbate and feel validating to those issues with self-worth and internalized ableism.

Well I took a bit more realistic route with my apocalypse, where people are still, you know, people, and don't all just turn into evil violent serial killers the second society collapses. So the ranchers can still find plenty of decent folk who aren't going to force someone who can't do something to just to earn their place, and would help someone who needs it because why wouldn't you.

But I think, especially when they're by themselves, Tango would struggle with those sorts of feelings even before losing an arm. It's probably something that exacerbates Jimmy's own insecurities in their worst moments. In their best they do the opposite, by thinking the world of each other and expressing it frequently. The ranchers' relationship is all about that feedback loop.

#raau ask #raau notes #raau notes: ranchers #raau notes: technology

[gayfreeloder]

THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT SYSTEMS BEFORE FAKECLAIMING THEM

-Longpost From a Singlet

SYSTEMS FORM FROM TRAUMA. Don't go harassing abuse survivors because you have nothing better to do. You wouldn't do that to someone with PTSD.

SYSTEMS DONT HAVE AN AGE LIMIT. While dissociative barriers must form in early childhood, a host can know about other alters no matter how old they are. It's more common for systems to figure their shit out when they're adults because they often are able to distance themselves from abusers.

ALTERS ARE DIFFERENT PEOPLE. A basic one, but important. Alters can have very different memories, ages, genders, religions, etc etc. They aren't fugue states. They are different consciousness sharing the same brain.

YOU DONT NEED A DIAGNOSIS TO BE A SYSTEM. A depressed person doesn't start being depressed when they've been diagnosed. An ADHD person still struggled with symptoms before they were diagnosed. Many systems find out they're plural because other alters decide they want to work together.

"YOU WOULDNT KNOW IF YOU HAD THAT." The classic! While it is true that some systems keep their hosts or specific alters out of the loop, alters are people just as much as the host is. Alters may want to live a way that clashes with the host's life. Imagine you have a partner that has a very specific idea of how they want to live and that limits what you're able to do. Maybe they want to move to the countryside, but you love the big city. The problem is that alters share one body and big life decisions made by one alter effect the whole system. To achieve the things they want to do, alters may show themselves to the host so they are able to voice their opinions. It's their life, too.

ALTERS CAN COMMUNICATE. Communication is the first step toward healing. They literally live in the same brain. Dissociative amnesia is a very complicated subject, and it can be difficult for some people to understand. For some systems, barriers can keep some alters from speaking to one another. But in some communication is very good and alters can share memories, emotions, dreams, etc.

INTROJECTS ARE VALID. People can't choose what alters form (usually), and if it happens to be an introjection of a person or character, it just is. Introjects know they aren't literally the person they are sourced from. It can be difficult to reconcile this, however, because some feel as if they were plucked directly out of their source and shoved into somewhere they don't belong. They can have pseudomemories, which are a phenomenon observed in singlets, as well. Trauma from pseudomemories is a real thing and should be treated as such. Trauma from being away from their source is also valid. Unfortunately many systems also form alters of abusers because of trauma bonding or several other reasons.

ANIMAL ALTERS ARE VALID. Jesus Christ I hate this one. Animal alters or nonhuman alters often come from traumatic events that made the system feel less than human. Please do not ask stupid questions about their gender or sexuality. I will fight a bitch in defense of all the dog alters out there, goes for object alters too

LITTLES ARE CHILDREN. Literally have the processing power and function of a child. Do not sexualize them, do not interact with them if you don't know how to act around them.

INNERWORLDS ARE REAL. Dissociation is a mechanism of retreating into oneself. A child may make themself a place that is better than where they are now and go there when they are unable to process the world around them. Systems can form innerworlds later in life if the need arises. Many innerworlds are very basic; just a front room or a black void. Many are more complex; islands, towns, cities, planets, even galaxies. The size and complexity all depends on what the system needs.

SYSTEMS DO NOT HAVE AN UPPER LIMIT. Once splitting alters becomes a mechanism for resolving and dealing with stress, the number of alters can rise exponentially. Polyfragmented systems have over 100 alters. Some systems have hundreds to even thousands of alters. Systems split at different rates and have different thresholds for stress before they split. It's all dependant on the individual system.

SYSTEMS DO NOT STOP SPITTING. If there's stress enough to get a particular system to form a new alter, they'll form no matter how old the system's body is. Splitting is a coping mechanism. New alters may become infrequent as the body ages, but that's mostly because of the system's ability to stay out of traumatic situations.

Some more things to add:

Please leave endos alone. If you don't believe in endos, blindness to trauma is common in dissociative disorders, they likely just don't have access to the memories of why they formed. Personally I'm open to the idea of endogenesis, and unfortunately this is a criminally under researched area.

Every system is different. Don't compare systems. Initial trauma and comorbidities make them vastly different from each other. An RA system will be much different than a system formed from SA or neglect.

Singlet isn't a slur. Please never talk to me if you think it is

#ableist bullshit #fakedisordercringe #fake disorders #dissociative identities #dissociative alters #otherwise specified dissociative disorder #anti fakeclaiming #fuck ableists #ableist nonsense #stop being ableist #ableism #long post #definitely a rant #i fucking hate singlets and im a fucking singlet #too many tags #but you're welcome #dissociative personality disorder #dissociative identity disorder #fakeclaimers #fakeclaiming is the bane of my existence currently

[schizopositivity]

hello, sorry if this is hard to read i am having some trouble at the moment but i had a question and your blog has been very helpful to me in the past so i figured i would try?

im almost definitely schizophrenic (as in my doctor's have said this and just want to do some extra clarifying testing this week before providing the diagnosis. either way it is guaranteed i have a psychotic condition) and have been experiencing a ramp up in symptoms laately, many of which i am only barely able to convince myself are not real, because of my treatment and previous severe episode. the issue is that ive just woken up and i had a dream that was terribly related to what i have been experiencing in the day, and its throwing me off, because i dont know if thats possible in schizophrenia which makes it hard to rationalize that it isnt real.

i wont go into it extensively because it could cause issues for people (content warning for some mentions of unreality here to clarify what happened, its only this paragraph!) but i have been experiencing voices belonging to tvs in my head, and a lot of existential worry on if anything is real, if im awake, etc. last night i had a dream with the same tv voices as a major theme, and at the end of my dream a character acknowledged i was dreaming, and i had a false awakening too. this has all thrown me for a loop because since i dont know if the disorder can impact dreams, it makes everything hold so much more weight, and it is very distressing???

i am mostly just wondering if its possible for the disorder to impact dreams or cause you to have dreams related to hallucinations and delusions. i think i had some stuff similar to this last year in my last active episode, but its incredibly hard to remember.

im sorry for bothering and i hope this ask doesnt cause you any issues, i would just really like to know if it is possible for the disorder to show up in dreams like this. thank you for your blog and i hope youre having a very good day, your work is so appreciated and has brought me immense comfort while im being diagnosed

I think a psychotic episode can definitely impact your dreams. For most people (nonpsychotics included) dreams can feel weird, can be separate from reality, and can have you questioning things when you're finally awake. So it makes sense to me that someone who is already struggling with reality in their waking life would be even more impacted by these types of dreams.

Also for me when I was deep in my psychosis before treatment, everything in reality, and in my psychosis was always connected in strange ways. I'd find meaning in every little thing and connect it to a bigger picture that only existed inside my mind. And dreams played into this as well. Only after years of medication and therapy, I can see that things just sort of happen, and coincidences happen, and not everything is part of this bigger picture that revolves around me. I don't expect everyone to come to this conclusion on their own or even ever, but for me some very helpful mantras have been "shit happens", "it's not that deep" and "this is just the chemicals in my brain firing off, it means nothing".

Also if a dream, or the aftermath of a dream is distressing, it's totally valid to care for yourself after as if something distressing in your waking life happened. Practice your coping skills, do things that bring you comfort, rest and take care of yourself. Dreams being distressing is no joke.

#tw unreality #unreality tw #unreality #dreams #psychosis #psychotic episode #answered

[katyspersonal]

warning for: "bad wording", "unasked opinion", "another coward hiding behind anon mask"

I think you should stop looking for an ideology/side to pick and consider trying to pick your own side, attempt learning to become your own person instead—give up on fitting into any cult anything? Honestly, why don't you try to build your own thing? You seem capable of building so much of theories, finding so much of little details not many could ever notice—why not use this skill to help yourself? I get it. Many humans do not like making efforts. I'm one of them. Sometimes becoming your own person = doing a lot of efforts, but it is not a hard work it is just making efforts, day by day, baby steps, it is possible, it is valid—even if right now it might seem as "not very likely" or "hopeless" or "meaningless" in your personal case. I do not judge you. I'm trying to tell you that creating your own identity, a personality is possible. Speaking from a lil anon experience, so far I haven't found any other solution except trying to learn how to rebuild yourself into yourself from a scratch and "broken remains". You can't get rid of every single shitty influence but you can take control of it, its traces and make something of your own. You can do anything, if you want...but you don't want it, do you? I do not know you (and you don't know me), all I got is an opinion to make out of your post, I bet it's mostly wrong, I should have stayed silent, heh. I think you'll be less miserable if you stop running away from yourself by seeking yourself in people, groups and fandoms. And I do not mean it in way like "quit social media they are evil they are brainwashing you into becoming something you are not", if anything I do not believe in "good" and "evil" nor in "black and white", because this life has much more of colors and hues in the store to offer. "Balancing it out" is what I was trying to tell. Please try to help yourself. I think you deserve to live and have good things in your life. My opinion matters very little because I'm just another coward, but I mean it.

Hey, this is actually a very good message. It took me some time to get to it because currently I genuinely am better off sinking in my special interest and drawing than tackle anything personal. But this is a good advice, especially for someone who had to judge my character off very limited information. (or maybe I am oversharing way more than I think I do...?)

The thing is... I DO have beliefs and ideals! It is aggressively affirming them where I fail at. Like you pointed out, I can see a lot of things no one else does and that's how I get into every character's head. But it is similar with people. Very often I will see where person is coming from, what events and information and trends made them come to this conclusion, what is their motivation, and like... You see, this is normally a deal-breaker for me. Just because I can understand why person thinks this way, see the logic and often even a valid fundament, this person passes for me - especially if I can not properly object them with logic and knowledge. I am not the type to have no logical counter-arguements and still pull the 'L + you are wrong + you are a bitch + bye' thing, because coming from emotions is not for me. For this same reason I often get trapped in abusive relationship - because when person is convincing and I have no counter-arguements for why I should not be treated this way besides crying and insulting... well, I can be convinced of deserving anything. Just ask my EX boyfriend hahaha (he healed and changed, don't worry).

This is the loop of autism. Not just any autism, but like, very pure form of it. The one that consistently pisses the allistics off enough to call us "robots" or "psychopaths". We do not 'just' understand things and not 'just' believe in things - we only do or think something if there is a reason. But at the same time, we won't "just know" a lot of things others do. There are only two things you can do - either 1) assume some unbreakable "rules" how society and people function and what is right and wrong end up being a rigid prick that judges everyone through the same lence and could never see things working unlike these "rules" or 2) say fuck it and use your own brain to navigate in the world, but you will constantly get lost. I think the latter is the lesser evil, because the former not only makes it more likely to get used as ideological soldier, but also will fuck over people that act and speak coming from different reasoning.

And you are right. I SHOULD make my own rules - not listen to some arrogant assholes claiming to be for peace and equality but We Know, and not listen to some conservatives who just can't accept that every generation will be different; but also not wander so aimlessly. I have a friend who is very similarly fucked up to me: hard autism, borderline personality disorder, burdening level of insightful, all that. And even he is self-sufficient enough to say 'Yes I see where you are coming from in your beliefs, but fuck you, that's a way of an idiot'. Another friend who has the exact same type of autist thinking as me ended up doing just what I mentioned - they set up the rules of what he believes in and refuses to budge on them no matter the stakes, even if they tend to hurt people because not even appealing to their compassion could make them budge. Like!!! you have to be literally dying for them to go easier, but even then they'll pick their principles back up and return to the discussion when you recovered.

Granted, recently I've been becoming more solid. Like recently I've blocked someone because they were using slurs in an arguement, and even before that I blocked someone I never even talked with because they were a tad too nationalist against Russians (all of them). It is just... not really like me? I tend to not mind free speech, but for some reason I've started to get more angry at such things? It is also the uh... Barb1e movie. Yeah don't laugh, trust me plenty of people ended up in existential crisis because of it. But it was something that followed when someone whose reasoning I was able to understand prior pulled the 'This movie hates men' when the movie gave men positive message that men should aspire to be self-sufficient and be themselves instead of stressing to fit into social expectations. This sort of (mis)interpretation just felt way too similar to """logic""" a certain asshole had calling me lesbophobic when I said to stop locking lesbians in stereotypes (I know you're lurking here, lil shit). It feels very obvious that anyone can be an idiot and it is not just privilege of the "woke SJWs" side but just a flaw of any human that makes their politics their personality, but sometimes it takes a certain event to make you truly SEE something, you know?

And in the end, by learning to assert my beliefs, by learning to be consistent and not just 'have' them, I will be playing this game too, no? ...somewhat. Currently I am more like Rom - I see everything but this is the reason I can't do shit. I want to be more like Djura, who knows what he thinks and will protect it, and you have to actually agree to his terms to not get shot by him! Both of these characters are 'open' and will work with people's autonomy: Rom by her barrier being penetrable if you have enough Insight, so you CAN learn horrors of the universe but only if you are looking for them so people that don't want that shit are spared, and Djura by not denying the hunt altogether but insisting that beasts that can't harm people are spared, as he tells us to go and be useful where we will be. But Djura has something Rom no longer does - personality! For me 'seeing where they come from' is a pass to forgive... literally everything? It can be a great power that will let me find what others can't and make friends no one else could, but it can also be a dangerous mindset that will trap me in abusive relationship or make me cause damage. The one thing Rom is not showing even to 99 Insight people is how there is a madman slowly destroying humanity with his ritual, isn't it so? Haha, yeah, you pointed out that I am very well-versed in analyzing fiction, but this shit legit helps me to navigate. I've been solving many conflicts and questions via "omg they're just like those characters for real". Autists interact with the world vicariously through fiction! My close friends also developed a habit of helping me by comparing the situation with something that happened in our Bloodb0rne headcanons. I am dead serious. x)

In the end, I am incapable of being ideological soldier, nor I can obey the rules based on "I am [demographic] and you are not so do what I say or you are a danger for our whole kind" (left) or "I am older/more educated and you don't know shit in life and if you don't agree with me you are just another woke zombie" (right). Of course I can't have a 'covenant' - I am an individualist! An individualist that can't assert their individuality, apparently. But there is a difference between wandering aimlessly or walking your own way..

______________________

Again, thank you for this ask.. You really should not be so hard on yourself - anons are only bad and cowardly if it is a prick being mean. Otherwise they're fine! And it was important for me to think about, too... I was not even really THINKING about how I have friends with similar thinking as me but they adapted and can be consistent and assertive. They can disagree very harshly, to the point of creating awkwardness between us until I either change my mind or admit that I have nothing to argue, and that's not emotional manipulation, but standing up.

#personal #mental health #ask replies #yeah like you said it might take eternity... #i DO feel like i am not capable of doing so much work you are right #like this is a change of character so fundamental that it won't be me anymore #because my self-confidence and wish to assert myself got broken VERY early since childhood #very consistently by a close family member for so many years #it is just hard to believe i can be fixed when 'being broken' is how i was assembled to BEGIN with #but maybe years later i'll speak differently #it is also hard to aspire to something when world is ending (wars natural disasters collapsing economics... all that) #I have decided to not make any long-term goals because i feel like humanity got only a decade left to exist at BEST

[eboni-napalm]

The last six romantic F/O asks for Kazuya >:3

AAAAAAAAA BLESS IT'S KAZUYA TIME BABEYYYY

🐭What pet names do you have for each other? Or do you prefer to simply call each other by their name? -- We basically just use each other's names. On a rare instance I'll call him "babe", but that's about it.

🥰How affectionate is your f/o? How affectionate are you? -- To say that I'm the more affectionate one isn't saying a lot, because Kazuya isn't a very affectionate person to begin with. However, that doesn't mean he has no affection to give- in public, simple gestures such as a hand on my arm or touching shoulders do enough to keep his image intact while still showing he cares for me. Far away from prying eyes, he's still rigid, but definitely softer. He's more open to loose, but comforting hugs and a tight grip on my hand; a more hushed voice when speaking, and he's also much less afraid to kiss me. It's similar for me as well. My public displays of affection to him are more of looping my arm through his and a gentle drumming of fingers on his back. With just us, I'm more touchy- fingers grazing his jaw, behind-the-back hugs, forehead touches... it's heaven.

🎂Who´s more likely to bake a cake for the other one´s birthday? Also, who´s more skilled when it comes to this? -- See, here's the thing,,, Kazuya doesn't give two shits about his birthday in any form. God forbid someone reminds him of it with something like a cake. And don't expect him to do anything like that for anyone else, either. Despite me liking to bake, I don't go above and beyond for something that's not needed, nor do I really NEED anything on my birthday besides a well-wishing from him. So, technically neither?

🎁Does your f/o sometimes surprises you with little gifts and vice versa? -- When it comes to "gifts" of sorts, the things I tend to give him are more on the side of emotional validity. Kazuya's not one for material possessions, but reassurance that I understand him as a whole- his past, his goals, his unspoken trepidations, his image- and won't change who he is despite it all, that counts as enough of a gift to him. I also don't really care about being given things just to please me, but I haven't complained about the stray ring or locket from him that appears on my dresser every now and then.

⛺Do you guys like to go camping together? Why or why not? -- I've actually never been camping but Kazuya's not really one for it, so we've just avoided it out of habit.

🎫Gush pass! Feel free to gush about your f/o as much as you want. -- He's so special to me, honestly. He inspires me to be stronger, and despite how he's perceived and played out in the entirety of the Tekken lore... he's helped me start appreciating myself despite my own faults, my own mistakes. I'm nowhere near him in terms of personality and actions, but it's still a big thing for me. Kazuya has helped me grow so much in the short time I've shipped with him; there's a lot I could say about how much I adore him that I can't exactly convey into proper wording (it'd mostly be just blushing gibberish), but god, I love that literal devilishly handsome asshole and wouldn't change a thing.

#THANK YOU FOR THIS #THANK YOU ANON #self ship ask game #self shipper #self ship community #ship name: shatter me #f/o #romantic f/o #self ship #anon <3

[xiaq]

Ok I'm probably not going to say this right but after your last post I have have a question I guess? I don't really like sex and I love the idea of a relationship that doesn't require sex to be happy and healthy. I really relate to the whole not being anxious about taking a shower together or expectations or wahtever that you talked about but I've never experienced it before. Is that something you get from dating a friend? I guess I just want to know how you get to a place like that.

CW for sex talk. Hello friend. Apparently today is the day for Long Ass Ask Answers.

I wish someone had told me this years ago so I’m saying it to you now in case it saves you some angst:

Don’t settle for bad sex.

If you don’t like the sex you’re having, stop. If you don’t like having sex at all—neat! You’ll have so much time for other activities. You do not owe yourself to anyone, under any circumstances, even if you’re socially trained to think you do.

Listen. I took PhD qualifying exams in Feminist theory. And even I had more or less submitted myself to the idea that sex just wasn’t going to be that fun for me and I’d need to learn to deal or be alone.

I admittedly have very little sexual experience, but the experience I had up until my current relationship was lackluster. I wasn’t repulsed by sex, but it was eh at best and painful at worst and I’d never initiated a sexual situation in my life because A. ultra conservative Christian doctrine during your formative years can seriously fuck up your perception of intimacy in general (insert Youth Pastor Voice here: “men enjoy the act of sex, women enjoy the results of sex: children”) and B. I just…would rather do all sorts of other things. Sex was a thing other people wanted from me and if I cared about them I was supposed to provide it.

Objectively, I knew this was wrong. And yet.

Let me lay out some Inarguable Truths for you. Sex should not:

hurt (unless you want it to)

make you uncomfortable

make you feel dread or guilt before or afterward

be used as leverage

be coerced

be treated as a necessity by your partner

I told my current partner at the very beginning of our relationship (when I was trying to convince him that he didn’t actually want to be in a relationship with me) that I didn’t particularly enjoy sex, that I really didn’t like penetrative sex, and I that wasn’t willing to pretend otherwise anymore.

His response: “then we won’t have sex.”

Let me tell you, that threw me for a loop. I was expecting the more typical, “you’d enjoy sex with me” or even “what a waste.”

“Ever?” I asked.

“Ever.”

Well, okay then.

After a couple of weeks, I decided to try anyway. Not because I felt pressured but because I was curious. I thought maybe there would be one of those fanfic/romance novel moments and, suddenly, I’d love sex because I’d found The Right Person. Reader, I did not get my moment. Except for this time, I didn’t feel like I had to just suck it up. So we stopped. We made stir fry and cuddled and talked about the RMS Carpathia and Abraham Lincoln’s assassination (any nerds know what these things have in common?) instead. A+ evening.

A week later, he came to me, and after spending a surfeit of time qualifying what he was about to say with assurances that he didn’t expect anything from me, etc., etc. he told me he’d done some research because he was concerned there was an underlying issue causing my pain/discomfort. I hadn’t ever thought to ask my doctor because, at my pap/annual exam each year, they’d say my downstairs parts looked fine and send me on my way. Surely they would have said something? But I made an appointment with an OB and I brought a list of questions.

Did you know that endometriosis can make penetrative sex hella painful? Did you know that, if you have an autoimmune disease, even if you’re managing it well, you might deal with significant inflammation the week before your period, which can also make sex hella painful? Did you know that if you’re a small human you might just have a lower cervix which can (surprise) make sex hella painful? Did you know that there are things you can do to at least somewhat ameliorate these issues? Did you know that, when you stop viewing sex as an uncomfortable thing you have to provide and instead view it as an optional activity where you have full autonomy, you suddenly stop feeling guilt and dread at the very concept of physical intimacy and can actually, maybe, enjoy it? I do now. I didn’t for 15 years.

Do not settle for bad sex. Because if someone isn’t willing to sort out why you’re uncomfortable, and how to change your approach to intimacy to fix it, they’re probably not a good partner for you. If you simply don’t want sex and your partner insists on it, they’re probably not a good partner for you. There is a whole spectrum of reasons why you might not enjoy sex and I obviously can’t speak to all of them but Please. Learn from my mistakes. When you start drawing hard lines you're going to make progress, one way or another. Don’t let anyone convince you that you’re broken or undesirable if you’re not interested in sex. That’s a them problem, not a you problem.

I arrived to the place I'm at in my current relationship because I advocated for myself and said I wasn't willing to do something that made me uncomfortable. And my partner, who views me as a three-dimensional human being with more to offer the world than my body, immediately validated my feelings and agreed not to push my boundaries. Was the fact that we were friends for years helpful there? Sure. Because I already implicitly trusted him. But the important thing here is to know your limits and be willing to stick up for yourself. If you're explicit about your desires, it's easier to find the folks who are a good fit for fulfilling those desires.

#sexuality #asexual #aspec #sex talk #mylife #personal shit #answered asks #B #intimacy

[ibuki-loves-you]

Korekiyo, Kazuichi, and Gonta with the Ultimate Voice Actor!S/O who has the personality mix of Akane and Miu

Warnings: None

Mod Ibuki: @thatbisexualweeb Minus the voice actor bit, I can relate to this so so SO much. I have the same thing going on man 🤘😔

Korekiyo:

Kiyo finds your personality very interesting

Your strong-will and spirit never cease to amaze him

Your foul mouth does throw him a little bit of a loop, though

He dislikes that you are willing to fight under any circumstance and is trying to work with you on not threatening to beat someone's ass every five seconds

"Dear, just because someone annoys you does not mean you can harm them. Just walk away." "What if it's that little fuck Kokichi?" "...Do not twist my words."

Kiyo thinks your talent as the Ultimate Voice Actor is amazing

He finds it humorous when you act as one of your friends to mess with them

It's the one time he condones pranking people

Kiyo will not reprimand your cursing, but he also doesn't favor it since he is a lot quieter and almost never swears

Scratch that you don't think you've ever heard him swear

If he senses a barrage of curses about to come out of your mouth he CAN and WILL cover your mouth with his hand until you calm down

Kazuichi:

Kazuichi definitely hypes you up

He loves your personality

It's eccentric and it fits right in with his

He doesn't care in the slightest that you swear a lot

If anything, he finds it hilarious

He will cheer you on no hesitation

Kazuichi is fine if you have a valid reason to fight someone

If it's something small, like they annoyed you, he'd steer you away

"Babe, they were just being little brats." "So I should put 'em in their place!" "nO-"

He loves your talent so much!

He has asked you to voice act him tons of times

It never fails to crack him up

"Hey! I'm having a conversation with myself! Haha!"

If someone is pissing you off and you're about to curse them out, he grabs the popcorn

Kaz is just kinda like 👀☕

Gonta:

Gonta thinks your amazing!

He doesn't really understand your sometimes violent personality though

"Why would S/O want to fight someone?" "Because they annoyed me!" "Gonta thinks you should just walk away." "I...Okay..."

His innocent personality clashes perfectly with yours

If someone doesn't like bugs, you will throw hands with Gonta no doubt

Gonta loves your voice acting talent!

He thinks it's so cool

"Can you voice act Gonta!?"

He gets so excited it's adorable

Gonta doesn't know why you curse so much, but he doesn't say anything

He just lets you do you

If you're about to curse someone out though, he will stop you

"S/O! Gonta think you should not do that! Don't talk to them!"

Gonta is the one person you listen to because you literally can't bare the sad look on his face when you fight/yell at someone

#danganronpa #danganronpa x reader #drv3 #sdr2 #korekiyo shinguji #korekiyo shinguji x reader #kazuichi soda #kazuichi souda #kazuichi soda x reader #kazuichi souda x reader #gonta gokuhara #gonta gokuhara x reader #mod ibuki writes!

[capricores]

Where should I look to when im "looking for sign" from the universe?.. It would be nice to feel that I'm doing what needs to be done. That I'm not going in the wrong direction and potentially sabotaging myself. Any help? Plz.

in my personal opinion, i think the universe sends you louder signs when you need them the most! it's very possible you're on a good path, so the universe hasn't felt the need to send you any signs! when i'm really needing support, i'll just ask the universe for a big, obvious sign. don't be afraid to ask the universe - out loud, write it down, etc. sometimes, the signs are really small (repeating numbers, always seeing the same animals, moments of reflection, random chills/etc) - other times, i would ask for specific signs (ie: you could ask the universe 'please show me 111/repeating numbers if im on the right path'). if you have oracle or tarot cards, i think that's also a great way to communicate with the universe!

i can tell you that if you're really on the wrong path - the universe will generally (imo) send you a big sign, or make it very obvious!! personal example but - like three or something years ago i was dating this awful, toxic guy. i would not let go of him despite all the red flags and lack of genuine feelings and i refused to reflect on anything. i feel like i got little signs from the universe (ie: seeing repeating signs after thinking 'should i leave for good') but i ignored them. then one day i was just journaling and talking out loud to the universe when i was going through yet another rough patch with this guy, and i was like "am i doing something wrong? is it me? i need a sign". next day - i kid u not - my whole house flooded. out of NOWHERE💀 i took that as the biggest sign from the universe ever!!!! (honestly universe was probably tired of me asking for signs then ignoring them lmao so it gave me one so big i had to move out of my house for almost a month) it forced me into a big reflection on my self-worth and whole situation and i swiftly ended things and my life got so so so so much better!!! after that moment i got a lot more in tune to signs from the universe, i learned to pay more attention + accept them, etc.

i think i had a tendency to ignore them before/go against the universe (ie: continually going back to someone toxic, staying somewhere i'm comfortable instead of risky) - and i think a lot of ppl are like that too. the universe will force you out of that comfort zone one way or another!! doing lots of self-reflection and truly being aware of your situation can really help if you're confused about the path you're on! ask yourself things like "what would make me happy? am i currently happy? what would i need to do to achieve the things that make me happy?". journaling can really, really help with that!

if you're having a lot of trouble connecting, you could try buying yourself some oracle cards (i prefer them over tarot cards honestly) and doing a reading/asking for a sign that way!! you could even do those pick a cards on youtube/twitter if you don't want your own cards, but be very careful of falling into the loop of only relying on those and becoming dependent on other's general readings! i don't think it's healthy to frequently consume that content because you can lose track of your intuition/feelings/etc.

i think the more you believe and are willing to receive the easier it is to spot them! but i definitely think the universe encourages independence and doesn't want anyone relying solely on signs. i will say sometimes i go for weeks/months without any signs rly, then other times i'm seeing them multiple times a day. i think it really depends where you are in life and how much support and guidance the universe thinks you need at that time!

i do also want to say be careful of becoming dependent on things like signs or other ppl's validation!! a lot of ppl nowadays (and i was one of these ppl about two yrs ago too) fall into these traps, where they lose trust in themselves and instead rely solely in online tarot readers/videos and signs like angel numbers when making any decisions/feeling your emotions.

here's some signs that i would say are more common and you can try to "look out" for:

numbers: repeating numbers, always seeing the same numbers, etc

animals: i think a huge sign is animals. are you constantly seeing a certain type of bird? cats? are you only seeing animals with white fur? these could be signs!

colours: adding on to the last two, seeing a certain colour over and over can definitely hold meaning

synchronicities: these are some of the most obvious ones! thinking about something and then someone brings it up, thinking about someone and then they message you, having a dream about something unusual/you wouldn't normally see and then seeing it the next day

dreams: pay attention to your dreams x100000!! they are often full of hidden signs - be it from your own self or the universe. don't be afraid to google your dreams; start writing them down in great detail (every detail matters - strongest colours, animals, plot, scenery/place, etc) and see if anything is recurring as well (indicates a stronger message)

i hope this can kind of somewhat help!! i hope you're doing ok and i'm here for you if u need to talk!! 🥺💌

#question #anonymous

[mimisempai]

When you kiss me, you speak to my soul

Summary:

5 times when Loki receives an unexpected kiss and once when he gives one. (or more)

______

This story inaugurates a new series.

"Together, for all time, always"

This series is my way out in case our boys don't canonically have a happy ending.Background: After the events of the TV show, all the members of the TVA are aware of their status as variants and decide to work together on a better TVA. The main team is composed of Loki, Mobius, Sylvie and Miss Minute. The rest will come as time goes by. The stories do not necessarily follow each other.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/32203465

3123 words - Rating G

1.

"Okay Loki! You know that in order to get your time travel pass, you have to prove that you know the rules perfectly."

Loki, annoyed, rolled his eyes and sighed,

"Honestly, I'm a rehabilitated variant, god of mischief, who saved the TVA from its slavery, that pass should be granted to me without going through any fucking tests!"

Miss Minutes jumped in front of Loki and pointed her little finger in the direction of Loki's nose, "Ttttt a god don't swear! And when the new TVA administration, of which you are a part, put the rules in place, you all decided to start over. With a new, admittedly less rigid, but still regulated basis that you signed up!  Come on, only two more points to validate!"

Loki grumbled, itching to send the little clock flying.

Unperturbed, Miss Minutes continued, "Tell me the basic rules of time travel? "

Loki began to recite in a bored tone, "Do not interact with yourself, do not interact with your ancestors, do not interact with historical figures. Don't interact with the big events in history even if it means not being able to save everyone. Pay attention to small details and use your time wisely.

"Perfect my little Loki!"

"Hey, a little respect Miss Mimi!"

The little clock coughed and Loki noticed a slight flush on her little cheeks.

"Well, then explain to me the three major paradoxes of time travel."

Loki, keeping the same jaded look on his face, recited again, "The Grandfather Paradox, if you go back in time to kill your grandfather, you effectively kill your father, and therefore yourself. The Predestination Paradox is simply when your past self is the very cause of your need to travel back in time. This creates an endless loop of travel, which is why it is also called a closed causal loop. Finally, the Bootstrap Paradox. It occurs when something is returned, often to the traveler himself, negating the need for its creation in the first place."

The little clock jumped all over Loki's desk, clapping!

"Yay my little Loki! You'll be allowed to get your pass validated!"

Loki, happy but irritated by the little machine, asked him, "So that means I don't need your lessons anymore, right?"

"Absolutely!"

Loki rubbed his hands together as he said, "Perfect."

He began to move his hand, thinking of a spell to cast on the annoying little clock.

A voice whispered in his ear, "Loki... what did we say about spelling those weaker than ourselves?"

Loki turned to Mobius with a pout, "but Mobiuuus, just a little spell!"

Mobius bent down and took the hand with which Loki was about to cast his spell.

He said softly, "These hands do such beautiful magic, it would be such a shame to make them cast second rate spells."

He laid a gentle kiss to the back of Loki's hand and then walked away with a quiet step.

Loki, slightly surprised, touched lightly with his other hand the place where Mobius' lips had lingered.

Then he got up quickly, knocked over his chair and ran behind him.

Miss Minute, who had witnessed the scene, raised her eyes to the sky and returned to her screen.

2.

Mobius was waiting outside the elevator.

"Mobius!"

Mobius turned around, Loki was coming towards him with a quick step. He looked at his watch and said with a slightly reproachful tone, "You'll really have to learn to be on time!"

Loki, with a cheeky grin on his face, replied, "I find I'm making progress, yesterday I was 13 minutes late and today only 11."

Mobius rolled his eyes and was about to answer him when they were interrupted by the voiceover from the elevator.

"The elevator is momentarily out of order, please use the service stairs."

Mobius walked to the door next to the elevator and held it open, waving his hand towards Loki.

"After you."

Loki walked past him and began to descend the stairs.

Almost arriving at the bottom, Mobius, on Loki's heels, put a hand on his shoulder and turned him to face him.

"What's wrong?" Loki asked him, surprised.

"Nothing's wrong. Everything's fine," Mobius replied softly before taking his face in his hands and leaning in to kiss him.

A few moments later, they separated to catch their breath.

Loki gasped slightly, asking Mobius, "I'm not complaining, but what was that for?"

As they finished descending the stairs Mobius replied, "It was the perfect opportunity to reverse the roles, for once I was the one who had to bend over to kiss you."

Loki was still smiling as they walked through the door.

As they passed by the elevator, the door opened to reveal the other members of their team.

"Huh? Is the elevator fixed yet? We took the stairs because they reported that the elevator was momentarily out of order, like... three minutes ago."

"What? But we got on it three minutes ago, four floors higher than you."

Loki looked back at Mobius with a little doubt.

Mobius replied, "Just because you're the god of mischief, doesn't mean you're the only one who can use it."

3.

"Argh, for crying out loud, dates, more dates, always dates!!!"

Loki rubbed his eyes trying to fight the fatigue that was overtaking him.

He stood up, took a few steps to stretch his legs before returning to his seat and continuing to flip through his files.

"Need a helping hand?"

Mobius put his hand on Loki's shoulder and gently squeezed it before sitting down across from him without waiting for an answer.

He continued, "I know this isn't your favorite part of the job, Loki, but it's part of it and I'm glad to see that despite your reluctance, you're not afraid to pitch in.

Loki grunted, "I just don't think it's fair, Sylvie never has to do this kind of work. She's always out there."

"Have you been traveling through time, through all kinds of apocalypses like her for that long?"

"Hmph!Always the voice of wisdom huh?"

Mobius snickered, "Me? No, of course not, but the wiser of the two of us, that I am."

"You prick!" muttered Loki.

"Hey, I heard that!"

They both immersed themselves in the files.

After two hours, Mobius saw Loki get up.

"I'm going to stretch my legs for two minutes."

"Okay."

Five minutes later he saw a small bowl of salad appear in front of his eyes.

Loki said to him as he sat down, "to make up for my bad mood of earlier."

Mobius put his hand on Loki's forearm, "Loki, there is nothing to forgive.  You are allowed to have mood swings. I'm not asking you to be someone else. But thank you for the consideration."

He ate the salad Loki had brought him while the god got back to work.

A little later, he was disturbed in his research by a light snore, he looked up at the familiar sight of Loki asleep, his head on his crossed arms.

He had a fond smile. He knew that this kind of work must seem tedious to someone like Loki and yet, even though he grumbled and acted like a drama queen on a regular basis, it didn't stop him from working seriously.

Looking at the time, he thought they had worked enough for today.

He stood up and whispered in his partner's ear, "Loki, wake up. It's late. We're done for the day."

As Loki slowly opened his eyes, Mobius placed a kiss on the top of his head before getting up and going to put the files away.

Loki straightened up and was stretching again when Mobius returned.

"Was I dreaming or did you kiss me on the head?"

"Unfortunately my sleeping beauty's lips weren't accessible so I had to settle for kissing the top of her head to get her to wake up."

Mobius winked at her and headed for the door.

He turned and said again, "Are we going home?"

Loki, who still hadn't gotten used to the warmth these few words provoked in him, quickened his pace to join him.

4.

When Mobius arrived at the cafeteria, he saw Loki concentrating at the dessert counter.

He joined him, placing his hand on his lower back to signal his presence.

"You look completely absorbed in the contemplation of these desserts. Do you have a favorite?"

Loki turned his head toward him and grumbled, "There's always so much to choose from. And every time there's a new kind. I don't even know what to choose. In Asgard there was fruit and... fruit."

Mobius was amused every time Loki was faced with this kind of problem. He made it an insurmountable challenge. This time, Mobius offered to help him.

"If you want we'll take several and share."

Loki nodded, " You choose, because I don't know what to take."

"Okay, go sit down, I'll pick and join you."

Mobius took a sample of several desserts, located the table Loki was sitting at and joined him.

They spent the next hour sharing the dessert plate. It was just the two of them left in the cafeteria. Loki was finishing the tiramisu while Mobius was bringing a last spoonful of chocolate mousse to his mouth.

"So, have you made your choice? What's your favorite?"

Loki licked his lips and replied, "Undoubtedly the tiramisu."

He put his spoon down and asked Mobius, "What about you?"

Mobius, who was sitting next to him, moved closer and looking at Loki's lips, murmured softly, "I'm hesitating between the chocolate mousse and the tiramisu."

He closed the distance between them and placed his lips on Loki's. Loki parted his lips and let Mobius explore his mouth with his skilled tongue. Mobius finished the fierce kiss with a light bite on Loki's lower lip, soothing him with a final lick. Then he moved back.

"I think in the end, tiramisu is my favorite."

5.

They had just returned from the mission and were in the locker room.

Loki was putting his things away in his locker. As always after a successful mission, he was so excited that he was talking non-stop.

Replaying the events in detail, and because he was Loki, he didn't hesitate to emphasize the moments when he and Mobius had been particularly good.

The rest of the team was used to it and listened with one ear.

Mobius smiled fondly.

Continuing to babble, Loki followed the rest of the team for the post-mission debriefing.

As he walked out the door, he felt himself being pulled back. Then a hand reached into his hair and pulled out the tie that held it together.

He looked back at Mobius who was putting the rubber band in his pocket.

"Mobius?"

Mobius walked over to him.

"Why did you do that?"

Mobius replied with a mischievous smile, "Because when you have your hair tied back, I can't do that."

He raised his hand, and pushed behind Loki's ear the strands of hair that fell over Loki's face, letting his hand linger on the god's neck.

" Neither this."

With his hand on the back of Loki's neck, he ran his fingers through Loki's hair to comb it before gently grabbing it and pulling his head back slightly.

Having cleared with this gesture the throat of Loki, he deposited a rain of butterfly kisses.

Loki sighed, his lips parted, "Mobius..."

Mobius moved back again leaving his hand in Loki's hair.

"Nor this."

He raised his second hand and joined it with the first on the back of Loki's neck, tangling his fingers in the long black strands before pressing gently, forcing the god to tilt his head forward. Their lips were so close that each could feel the other's breath. Mobius pressed his lips to Loki's, his fingers clutching his hair as the god's hands found his waist.

Their kiss was long and slow, and when Mobius pulled back, nipping at Loki's bottom lip, He saw that his eyes were clouded and his mouth wide open.

"That's exactly why I like you better with your hair loose."

With a smile, he kissed Loki briefly on the cheek and headed for the locker room door, the bouncy step of one who has just won a victory, oblivious to Loki's hungry stare.

+1

Loki had had enough.

Mobius obviously enjoyed starting fires with Loki and never extinguished them.

Loki was on edge.

Not that Loki didn't appreciate Mobius' spontaneous displays of affection and kisses, the man was extremely inventive and talented, but he felt like a ball of clay in his hands.

His pride as a god of mischief was at stake!

He had to regain the upper hand, just a little, just a few moments.

"Hoho miss Minutes, looks like someone needs to get laid!"

"Hey Syl! I'm just a pure little watch. I don't want to know anything about your sex lives!"

Sylvie sitting with her feet up on Loki's desk fluttered a paper cutter in the air and snickered back, " Which sex life Mimi?"

The watch returned to the screen and grumbled, "Never mind, Loki and Mobius's love life is none of my business! Hmph!"

Loki with his hands on his hips and a dark look in his eyes, muttered to Sylvie, "Don't you have a job to do instead of gossiping with that piece of junk clock?"

"Hey jerk! I heard you!" Shouted the little voice from the monitor.

"It's so much more interesting to watch you mope about your mustachioed prince."

Loki slumped into the other chair, a sulky look on his face.

"It's not so bad though?" asked Sylvie, studying him, her chin on her hand.

Loki told her everything, from the kiss on his hand to the fiery kiss in the locker room.

"And you dare to complain?!" Sylvie asked him, quite irritated, "You have a man who is completely devoted to you, and full of attention for you.  Do you realize how lucky you are?"

"Wait, Syl! It's not that I don't like it. On the contrary, but... argh" Loki tugged at his hair, "I don't know how to say it, before, the Loki before the TVA, I've always been a hedonist who enjoys the pleasures of life, who takes and throws, but now, even though I'm still a hedonist, I don't just want to consume anymore, I want to give too. And right now I feel like I'm the only one receiving."

"Aw, you're cute you know."

"Hey! Don't make fun of me!"

"But no, well just a little bit, but really Loki, the fact that you're thinking about this, shows how much you've evolved right? Have you even tried talking to Mobius about it?"

Loki shook his head, "You know me, I often talk a lot to mask my insecurities and also because I like to listen to myself talk, but anyway what I mean is that when it's serious I'm unable to express myself properly."

"And show him?"

"How?"

Sylvie rolled her eyes, "Loki, are you the god of mischief or not? You are capable of seducing anyone! Don't embarrass me!"

A few moments later, alone in his office, he thought back to this discussion.

How could he surprise Mobius?

Mobius who knew how to read all his tricks...

Of course! The answer was obvious!

What better way than a direct approach!

He waited for the right moment and went to Mobius' office, sure to find him there.

As he walked through the door, Mobius looked up, a smile blooming on his face as he saw Loki.

"Loki!" He wanted to stand up, Loki stopped him by waving his hand. With one hand he locked the office door and with the other, using a flick of his wrist, he turned Mobius's chair around before walking towards him.

Then, without warning his lover, he straddled Mobius' lap and framed his face with his hands before throwing himself on Mobius' mouth.

Mobius pushed him back slightly and managed to articulate, panting, "Wait, wait, wait Loki! What's the matter with you? Not that I'm against it, but I'm surprised, pleasantly surprised, that you'd take the initiative like this."

Loki with his forehead and lips against Mobius' replied, equally breathless, "The problem is that my lover has been teasing me all week, kissing me everywhere and at any time, and hasn't given me a chance to return the favor, so now you shut up and let me kiss you! It's my turn!"

As Loki resumed the interrupted kiss, Mobius decided, with the last fragment of coherent thought he possessed, that all he had to do was enjoy it. He just ran his hands over Loki's hips pressing him closer until there was no more space between them.

He tried to control the kiss, but Loki would not let him, and finally, after a brief struggle, he gave in to the kiss and the shivers of pleasure that ran down his spine.

He believed to be out of air when Loki moved back slightly and fixed him, the eyes shining with satisfaction, licking his lips like a cat which had just devoured a pot of cream.

They slowly caught their breath and Mobius couldn't help but gently tuck a lock of Loki's hair back behind his ear in a gesture that was becoming more and more familiar.

Loki leaned into Mobius' hand.

"Hey Loki, more seriously," Mobius told him softly, "does it bother you that I'm acting like this? Because you know you can tell me."

Loki sighed, "It doesn't bother me per se, it's just the lack of reciprocity, the fact that I'm receiving a lot and giving nothing."

Mobius shook his head with a smile, "Sweetheart," he couldn't help but notice that Loki seemed to appreciate the endearment, "that's not how it works. When you kissed me just now, did you feel pleasure?"

Loki, indignant, protested, "Yes, of course I-"

Mobius put a finger to his lips.

"It's the same for me, you know. I am aware that in your head the gears are spinning wildly non stop, but in such cases, don't think. Just enjoy it, there's nothing selfish about it."

Loki nodded, then passionately kissed his lover once more, until they were both out of breath again.

Then Loki traced a path of kisses from Mobius' chin to his ear and nibbled on his lobe before whispering, his breath making Mobius shudder, "The rest is for later my love..."

He stood up and headed for the door while swaying his hips, fully aware of the gaze that followed him.

Then before he walked through the door, he threw over his shoulder, with a mischievous smile, "I too can light a fire and make you burn for me."

_________

Not beta'd I hope you enjoyed it 🥰

#loki #lokius fic #lokius #moki #wowki #loki x mobius #loki laufeyson #mobius m mobius #miss minutes #sylvie laufeydottir #established relationship #5+1 things

[asleepinawell]

Been having a lot of Thoughts about the nier series recently and the larger themes of both games and wanted to jot them down and toss them into the void of the internet.

Massive spoilers for nier automata follow, including for ending e. Do not read this if you ever intend to play nier automata. There are spoilers for nier replicant as well, though not for ending e.

One of the biggest themes both nier games tackle is the tragedy of an uncaring universe. Bad things happen to good people, people who think they're good and doing the right thing find out they were actually committing atrocities, the very idea that there's 'good' and 'bad' people is dissected and rejected. At the end of the day, the universe doesn't give a shit about any of us and none of it matters. Enjoy your existential despair!

In nier replicant, the main character starts off as an optimistic young boy who wants to save, not only his sister, but the entire world. After the time skip, nier is a young man whose optimism has (partially) been tarnished and whose goal has narrowed down to just saving his sister. As you move through each route you understand more and more how tragic the world is and how, despite your best intentions, you are only adding to the tragedy of the world. The original 4 endings of nier replicant are all tragic in some way. Ending D has a glimmer of hope in it in the form of nier being able to save kainé at the cost of his own existence, but it's a bittersweet ending and the world is ultimately doomed anyway.

Which brings us to nier automata. Even more so than replicant, automata hammers home the meaningless of everything, the uncaring universe, tragedy both avoidable and unavoidable. The main characters are locked in an endless loop of violence and despair. The worst that could happen, does, again and again. It thrives off the type of tragedy porn I usually hate.

Except....

Except it doesn't. If endings a and b are the opening statement, endings c and d are the facts and body of the essay, but then there's ending e, the concluding paragraph which takes everything we've been told and gives you the chance to draw your own conclusion from it.

Route e starts after you've gotten both ending c and d and is no longer about the characters in the game at all. Route e is about you, the player, and what you believe. It says "we've given you a story of complete despair, we've shown you the universe is unfair and doesn't give a fuck about you, we've shown you things that end in tragedy. despite all of this, do you still believe it's worth fighting for the hope of something better?"

And then it asks you to prove it.

Route e is the ending every fan has asked for when they've said "I'll fight the creators to give my favs a happy ending." Today is your lucky day!

Route e is the ending credits of the game, except that the ending credits have turned into a bullet hell mini game. In fighting the actual credits themselves, you are fighting the game devs. You are saying fuck you I don't believe that everything is pointless. Fighting for better is always worth it. The meaning that we imbue in life is important to us and that matters.

The bullet hell of the end credits starts out fairly simple and gets harder and harder as you go, lasting something like 15 minutes total, which is a brutally long time to be playing something that requires split second timing and 100% of your focus. It's meant to feel insurmountable, just like the challenges the characters in the game faced (the larger plot challenges, not the combat). You will likely die a lot and check points are few and far between.

But there's more to it than that. The first time you die, a prompt comes up:

And then when you die again:

Except now, there’s a message on the screen. A message that appears to be from another player, somewhere in the world.

And again:

(this one really fucked me up, but that’s for a different post).

And then finally:

(thank you user MR-YE-1996)

When you accept the rescue offer, you go back to the bullet hell again, but now you have a wall of other players around your weak little avatar, shielding you from harm. The music, which has been a single vocal track up until now, gains an entire chorus of voices to represent the army of actual players who’ve shown up to save you (and there’s a lot I could say about the use of the (exquisitely good) music in the nier games, and especially about the difference in lyrical themes between ashes of dreams and weight of the world). Every time a bullet hits one of the players surrounding you, there’s a message saying that user’s data has been lost. Users from all over the world are sacrificing themselves to help you. It’s a very nice, heart-warming moment that you still don’t understand the full impact of quite yet.

After you beat the credits, you’re rewarded by a final cutscene. The android protagonists have been reconstructed and will receive a second chance at life. The narration at this point talks about how life exists within the spiral of life and death we are all trapped in. One of the two pods talking points out that even though the androids are being given a second chance at life, there’s a possibility that things will go just as poorly once again. And the other pod agrees, but adds: “However, the possibility of a different future also exists.”

And then the scene ends with this quote: “A future is not given to you. It is something you must take for yourself.”

And this is really the final conclusion of the game. There is no inherent meaning in the universe, so the meaning we give our lives is the most meaningful thing. (And the ‘you’ here isn’t necessarily an individual either. It can be, or it can be humanity as a whole, or even one group). And you, the player, thought that it was worth fighting to give these characters a second chance, and other players out there in the world thought it was worth helping you to do so.

It’s such a wonderfully beautiful piece of meta interpretation posing as a game ending, and also a departure from the final conclusion of previous Yoko Taro games. It feels like a much more mature and nuanced interpretation of the world than the ending of replicant was (I won’t comment on the new ending e of replicant just yet since it didn’t come out that long ago). (Also, for the record, I love nier replicant and the characters in it with my entire heart. This post is not bashing it).

But the game has one more surprise in store for you. After the cutscene ends, you’re given one last choice. The game asks if you have any interest in helping other players the way you were helped. And if you say yes, you’re told that the only way you can do this is to sacrifice all your save data.

I think that sacrifice hits differently for different people. Some people genuinely won’t mind that at all. As someone who probably still has save data from games I played 20 years ago, it felt like a gut punch. To me, save data represents all the time and emotion and energy I’ve put into a game. Games are so deeply important to me in so many ways and have been since my childhood when they were one of the few ways I could escape from a lot of terrible shit going on in my life. (There’s a reason my blog title is what it is). I could talk a lot more about that point, but I’ll leave it by saying that when I saw what the game was asking of me it felt like someone had knocked my legs out from under me.

For more practical players, it also is locking you out of chapter select, the best way to go back and get all the things you missed and grab the achievements/trophies you still need.

The game will point out that you’ll get nothing in return for this (not a lie, there’s no secret reward), that you will likely never know if or who you helped, that you won’t be thanked, that the person you help could be someone you intensely dislike, etc. And with all of this comes the realization that all those people who came to help you in the credits had already done this. Those people whose data was sacrificed to help you get to the final cutscene had already sacrificed their save data to help you.

We’ve now gone from a world where everything is meaningless, to a world where other real actual human beings out there have sacrificed something that represented hours of their time and a varying amount of emotional investment without any hope of reward to help a stranger see a message of hope.

When I was younger, I was more drawn to dark, hopeless stories. Stories about how dark and meaningless the world was. The world was a terrible place then too. 9/11 happened when I was in highschool (an incident that influenced yoko taro’s creation of nier replicant and had a huge impact on me at the time), the pointless wars that happened after and the recession and a million other things seemed to infuse everything with hopelessness. In that world, stories about everything being meaningless and hopeless felt correct. They felt validating. Yes, everything really does suck that much!

That sort of story lost its appeal for me later on. Pointless and horrible things continued to happen, and still continue to happen. The world events of the last few years have been an unnerving reliving of those earlier years, except even worse. The cycles of tragedy are still there with no end in sight. I’m exhausted from all of it. It really does feel hopeless a lot.

But stories that stop at that point no longer appeal to me. Stories like nier automata--stories that say yes, things are terrible, but there’s always hope, you can create your own meaning, it is always worth it to fight for better even if you fail, your life is worthwhile simply for existing--those stories are the ones I think we all need more than anything.

#nier automata #nier automata spoilers #nier spoilers #nier #nier replicant #niermp #mp #sitting around having existential thoughts on a sunday afternoon #as one does #nier meta

[springatito-moved]

YESSS! LIKE- I absolutely love c!dream and he's definitely one of my favorite characters. i think cc!dream does a wonderful job playing him and think he deserves a nice pat on the head and some hot chocolate. but like, the thing about c!dream that i love the most is that he's unapologetically evil! he's a bastard and he needs to fall out an airplane but also. he's my meow meow dogboy and i love him very much. no excuses for his shitty behavior, bc he's purposely portrayed to be THE BAD GUY! like i genuinely don't understand why people have to portray him as the good guy when he most definitely is not

like throughout my entire time in fandoms my favorite characters have been the bad guy! there's characters i like that are worse than c!dream and up until i joined the dsmp fandom ive never seen anyone be quite so adamant that this very bad character is actually secretly good.

ANYWAYS c!dream is evil and i hate him but also i love him. i want him to die but not before he causes more destruction and makes all my other favorite characters shit their pants in terror. also i want him to make a house

YESSSSS !!!! hes bad! and he doesnt give a fuck! given the opportunity he will gladly trap c!tommy in an endless kill/revive loop! as a science project! for fun! He literally has no other motives other than “it will be fun to use u as a lab rat!”

i'm a sucker for the villains too bc sometimes u just wanna watch someone go a little fuckin crazy sometimes! i dont need nor WANT to sympathize with him because I enjoy him just fine right now!

cc!dream is fantastic when it comes to creating and playing c!dream. one of the best modern villains just bc he rlly has no valid reasoning for what he's doing (and even if he has "good cause", his actions are morally fucked up as hell!) It's awesome.

#see u get me anon. #?? #💌

[just-a-poor-boy-queen]

"someone said he said it from the late 70s, and someone else said it’s near early/mid 80s."

I think I remember what thread that was but it wasn't referring to LOML, it was talking about how Freddie said that he told his lovers that none of them could ever compare to Mary (which is... kind of an asshole thing to say, even if it was just for show.) To my knowledge, there is no sufficient evidence that Freddie ever called Mary the love of his life, either publicly or privately. The people who make this claim often use articles and biographies as "proof," but said articles and biographies never site a direct source for Freddie supposedly saying this.

The closest I've ever seen is an alleged quote from Brian where he stated that he believed Mary was the love of Freddie's life. But Brian also said that he didn't know much about Freddie and Mary's relationship because Freddie never talked about it, and another time he claimed that Freddie saw Mary more as a sister. In fact, people had so little insight into their relationship that the Mary in Bohrap had to be fictionalised because they didn't know enough about her, lol. Idk about you, but if someone was the "love of my life," you'd think my friends would know enough about her to depict her properly! So I don't trust the validity of that quote very much, unless it's just Brian contradicting himself.

So yeah, I don't believe Freddie ever said it. If he did, it wouldn't be so hard to find evidence of it. Surely one of Freddie's friends would have said, "he told me Mary was the love of his life," or something like that, given that the narrative loves to kiss her ass. But as far as I know, they never have. And even if they did, I wouldn't believe them, because you don't cheat on the supposed "love of your life" and then leave them for a man 😂

Lol yeah, as I said earlier, I have not seen or heard it anywhere, except it being reposted by mary stans like a verse from the Bible. I remember the Brian bit, and yeah, he also said that he didn't know much about their relationship to begin with. It's probably a myth that suits the PR image Jim Beach and Co want to propagate, and they found a way to overwhelm every kind of media with this false notion. Most books and documentaries have at least one person referring to her as the love of his life (not to mention that they play the fucking song on loop during the entire mary segment of each doc). Plus of course, they made freddie say it in the film. Multiple times. Another reason why I despise the film.

#ask response #love of my life myth

[coinofstone]

5x08 The Hollow Queen

What's Gwen doing out patrolling with the knights (jk I realize they're likely escorting her but it's still funny to think of her randomly deciding to join patrol when age wants to go for a walk or something)

I don't quite understand the correlation between the moon phase and frog catching but then I've never seen a wild frog in my life either. I did get kinda snooty when he said that tho cuz I'm like "she asked where you're going, not where you've been" 🤦‍♀️

Part of me wants to snark that this feels like it's about to be their first time actually boning, but the way Gwen casually calls for a hot bath... does she mean... after? Or....???

Stop he's like an angry barman 😂😍

Out of all the things I hate in S5, the way Gaius' chamber is lit is probably top 3, behind only the disrespect with which Gwen's character was treated all season and the fact that Arthur dies without restoring magic to Camelot, thus robbing us of the opportunity to watch King Arthur and Court Sorcerer Merlin handle various hilarious situations for at least a full thirteen episode season.

Yea this show is all medieval fantasy and whatever but Arthur, the grown ass man, not being able to find some very basic daily item that's right under his nose while standing helplessly in front of 'the clothing chair' and looking for someone to help him is tooooooo goddamn accurate.

There's no valid reason for this gif I just kept rewinding it so much I figured I might as well just gif it so I could watch it on a loop

Actually I guess I could use this moment to point out that since Arthur and Guinevere are married, we don't get the domestic morning scenes with Merlin walking Arthur up and helping him get dressed - presumably because they want to imply that Arthur's chambers is now *their* chambers, even though literally nothing has been done to it to suggest it's a shared space - beyond of course the one time we see Gwen's dresses hanging in Arthur's wardrobe and the extra changing screen. But there's no vanity, no second wardrobe ... it's really a very silly thing they're doing and I'm not entirely certain if it was intentional or overlooked or what. Sharing a bed chamber wasn't a common thing as far as I know, and even still a Queen needs a chamber of her own, even if the show wants to portray them as co-sleeping in Arthur's bed. It's just weird and inconsistent and I don't like it. Arthur's inability to dress himself, however - THAT I believe.

(Gif is from a S4 deleted scene)

Of course Morgana would tempt Merlin away from Camelot with tales of a Druid child in distress.

Gwen in that red queen outfit tho 😍

So, a couple things here. First off, this kid Daegal being like, "why are you being nice to me" to Merlin 😭 Second, Morgana leaving that kid alive is super ooc.

Merlin's little eyeroll when the kid tells him he thinks Morgana and Gwen intend to kill Arthur 😂

I love bamf Merlin

I don't particularly understand like... what Gwen is expecting to happen as Merlin is serving them dinner and Arthur brings up Merlin's girl. Like... she knows it's bullshit. At the end of the day despite everything that's happened, Morgana and therefore Gwen still don't know about Merlin's magic - they want him dead because a) Morgana knows he's thwarted her plans before and b) they know he knows or suspects Gwen - but how does she expect to play this off? 'Oh I assumed you were out shirking your responsibilities so I made up a girl to cover for you? Like??? What???

Commentary by Bradley and Alice

Wow they don't even record the commentary in order

Oh they actively cut the more 'suggestive' romantic scenes - like Arthur throwing Gwen onto the bed. That's like ... a lot more sensitive than I would've expected.

Omg Alice 😂 "what is it, Arwen? It's Arwen isn't it? Arthur/Gwen? Oh are you not with the speil? Merthur?"

Bradley: "I stay away from the spiel."

Alice: "oh come ON, Bradley get with the..."

Bradley: "I stay away from all that. For my own good."

Alice: "oh yea it probably is, actually."

Stop the name of the actor who plays Daegal is Alfie

I went to go follow Alice on Twitter and I spent an hour scrolling bullshit

They're saying Merlin wasn't cancelled, the BBC had asked for more but they said no because they'd planned to end it there

But they're also saying that S5 was great so I know they're lying on here

Bradley saying he wants to do theater but I don't think he's actually done any?

Omg Alice asking if he's seen Richard III and saying she went with Colin Katie and Rupert to see it but realizing they didn't invite Bradley and the awkward apology 😂😂😂😂

Alice said whose your favorite knight you can't offend then more than you have already 😂

Tomiwa was the smartest knight 😂

They're completely ignoring the episode and Alice is essentially interviewing Bradley with questions off Twitter

They had an awards thing at the wrap party? Oh it was awards made by Bradley it must've been for a joke

Alice just described the perilous lands episode as 'questy knighty' and suddenly I understand why I like her so much

#bbc merlin #bbc merlin spoilers #merlin #merlin spoilers #merthur #onceandfuturerewatch #5x08 #bbc merlin 5x08 #merlin 5x08 #5x08 the hollow queen #the hollow queen

[dangan-happy]

(PW: ENOSHIMA I'M BALD.)

To anyone. I'm not the best at doing stuff like this, so i'm just going to jump straight into it. I'm confused on my sexuality. I think most people have been able to find out their own sexuality with ease, but for me it's always been kind of odd. I don't feel comfortable going into too much detail, but there are times when I am attracted to someone of the same sex as myself, and I'll get these super sweet romantic thoughts and I'll feel genuinely happy for a bit, but after a while I start questioning why i'm thinking that, and just fall into a bit of a loop on whether or not i'm Bi, Pan, or what.

Questioning your sexuality is rather normal. But you know anon, not everyone figures it out immediately. Some people figure it out fast, some take days, weeks, months even years to figure it all out. There isn’t a deadline or anything that says you have to figure out your sexuality by a certain period of your life, it’s really up to you. Whatever you feel comfortable with. Finding out your sexuality connects with your feelings, when you feel like you are attracted to someone but then you question it, that’s perfectly fine!

No one is sure about who they’ll end up liking, unless you’re a very close minded person. Either way, let me tell you that it’s ok and I’ll keep telling you that as many times as you’d like. Don’t rush yourself, you’ll figure it all out in due time.

~

Sounds to me like you’re pansexual! But I’m not the one that can say that for you. After all, I don’t want to assume anything about ‘ya babes.. But I’ve seen that little tiny chef from a different class flirt with almost everyone, doesn’t matter if they’re a girl or guy. It could be the similar situation for you, just minus the creepy factor and hitting on everyone…

Anyway, I understand that you don’t feel comfortable giving away too many details. I know I’ve got some fuckin’ reputation for saying explicit things but I would never force you to reveal anything. Whether you like someone the same sex as you or not, you’re valid for even trying to figure yourself out!

~

Anon, what you're feeling is perfectly natural. Questioning your sexuality is something most, if not all, people eventually go through. Sometimes is does come to people easily, but for others it takes a bit of time to realize.

I do make certain... comments at people, but honestly, it took me quite a while to realize I was bisexual. It felt wrong for me to feel that way, and I wondered if I was just trying to get attention. Maybe that's how you're feeling too. But it makes me genuinely happy to be with someone of the same gender, or someone of the opposite gender! If that's how you feel, then you may very well be pansexual.

But just know, Anon, there is no problem with identifying as either one. Being bisexual is not transphobic, and being pansexual does not erase bisexuality. A lot of people tend to forget that. Either way, you're valid!

Also Miu, you have zero place to talk, mind your business.

#danganronpa #danganronpa roleplay blog #ask #leon kuwata #miu iruma #mod 11037 #mod rockstar