#and it's like... that is how it feels. the bad old days are sometimes so overwhelmingly tempting

[shinobicyrus]

I've seen a lot of posts about Batman using his Bruce Wayne alter ego for the good of Gotham: job programs for felons released from prison, orphanages, charities, high wages for his employees, ethical business practices...the legendary post where Bruce Wayne goes to Wal-Mart.

Thus far I've never personally seen anybody really dig into the persona of Bruce Wayne the Billionaire Playboy. A handsome, rich, powerful man who always is seen at fancy galas, art openings, charity dinners, and wild parties with at least one beautiful woman on his arm.

We know Bruce Wayne is the mask, and its Batman who has a...complex love life, depending on the iteration we're talking about. Talia, Catwoman, sometimes Wonder Woman.

Bruce Wayne's dates, on the other hand, are all "normal" people. Maybe they're an aspiring actress, a supermodel, a prima ballerina, the occasional reporter...and every time there's that bit of nervousness at the start.

Sure everyone knows Bruce Wayne. Everyone knows the story with him. Sometimes his wilder parties make the news, but there's never really been anything nasty reported about him. Never...allegations. But he's a billionaire. He's one of the most powerful people in the whole city, nevermind the country. If he did have some skeletons in his closet. Well. Men with power have a way of making those kinds of stories go away, don't they?

As time goes on the Date's fears dissipate pretty quickly. Bruce Wayne is nothing but polite, kind, and at times charmingly awkward in an 'raised by his butler in a mansion' kind of way with his dates. Some of them can tell he's holding back, of course. Maybe the more perceptive Dates notice he's smarter than he lets on - playing the himbo or hamming up the "no-nothing rich boy" act to the cameras or some of his wealthy peers.

He also listens, is the thing. He's always listening to what they're saying, is interested in hearing about their careers, their hobbies, their lives. Really listens, too. Might refer to something a Date said weeks later off-hand. Buy out the whole museum for a private dinner date with a famous painting from an obscure artist they like, or a private performance with another's favorite band.

He has anecdotes and funny stories for days that somehow says very little about his personal life. The Dates know he has kids (it's practically a running gag in the news that Bruce Wayne has adopted yet another orphan) and maybe she might spot one of them at the mansion, but Bruce seems very keen to shelter them from any intense spotlight and scrutiny, and they all seem happy if a bit weird like him.

Eventually, there's drifting. He's a very busy man, with a very busy schedule. On more than on occasion his nice old butler will call and extend apologies that Mr. Wayne will not be able to make it this evening. Sometimes it's virtually impossible to get a hold of him over the phone. After a while they stop trying. None of them feel quite surprised by that. In the end, it just doesn't work. Sure, he's a little distant and doesn't make himself emotionally available...but he's not a bad person.

Especially when the so-called "exes" of Bruce Wayne start networking. Gotham isn't a small city, but the social circles Bruce Wayne travels in aren't as big. They don't quite gossip or complain about him. More like...who else would get it?

(I touched his side once and he winced...like he'd been hurt real bad there. He laughed and said it was tackle polo. How does that even-?)

(Somehow, after two dates, he saw right through me and listened while I told him what that casting director tried to do. He nodded, gave me the contact details of a law firm, and said not to worry about the legal fees.)

(I don't know for sure it was him, but it can't be a coincidence that my building got bought out from under my shitty landlord and we were all able to buy our apartments under market value.)

(He got my brother in the best rehab program in the city after his relapse. It probably saved his life. We'd stopped dating months ago, I still don't know how he found out.)

(He gave me a card with a phone number and told me that if I was ever in trouble to call it. Said one of his cars would come to pick me up, any time, any place, no questions asked. The one time I did have to use it after a bad party, it was Alfred.)

I think any tabloid reporter digging around for salacious stories or dirt about Bruce Wayne's love life would be completely and politely stonewalled when they try asking his former Dates. Even when money is offered. Every single one of them.

#I like to think Alfred is like...a mythological creature #to all of Bruce Wayne's exes #though lets be honest the kids too #Damien just feels like an intimidatingly intense kid who would ignore if outright avoid them #but would immediately talk to any of Bruce's dates if he spotted cat hair on their clothes #''I would like to see pictures of your American shorthair'' #''Uh...hi. How did you know-?" #Bruce Wayne #Batman #Secret Identities #Headcanons

[luveline]

hotch sister idea-- convincing hotch to take you out to dinner with the whole team because you "want to properly meet his friends" (i'm a sucker for team dynamics) but then being shy and cute with spencer the entire time to the point that hotch notices and gets a tad protective...but ends with spencer getting her number or something

thank you for requesting 💌 —you attend a party with your older brother in a not so secret plight to see Dr. Reid. You fawn, Spencer flusters, and Hotch drinks a tad more than usual. fem, 2.3k

cw for mentions of past child abuse

The car is quiet besides the tread of the tires on asphalt. You click and unclick the clasp of your shoulder bag, checking for your purse, getting worried your purse isn’t in there, and checking again.

“If there’s something you want to ask me, you can ask me.”

You move your gaze to your brother. His quietness can make you nervous, a reflection of your father but with none of the cruelty. “I don’t want you to get mad at me if it’s stupid.”

“Well, I won’t. I promise.”

You know he won’t, but sometimes the fear remains. Even when you’re far from being a kid. “Do you remember when I got suspended for, um, disrespectful behaviour? My senior year?”

Aaron turns the wheel with care. “I do.”

“And we went for ice cream.”

“Yeah, honey, I remember.”

That’s the point you’re trying to make, maybe. That tenderness sewn into the middle of his sentence. If your dad knew you’d been suspended again he would’ve made you feel it. You remember the sinking sensation in your chest waiting for him to pick you up, having written the speech he’d give you in the car ride home in your head ten times over, the sting of his palm grazing your cheek before you’d even seen his hand. So you waited in a total violent panic, head rush, wondering if anything was worth anything, when Aaron arrived to pick you up.

How did you know? you’d asked.

I changed your emergency contact. I hope that’s okay.

“You asked me what I wanted and…”

What flavour did you want, honey? he’d asked. Honey, like he loved you, the only person in the whole world who’d bother asking. The only man who’d take you for ice cream at seventeen years old to cure a bad day.

“And you burst into tears,” Aaron says.

He’d sat down opposite you in his suit, torn from one of his trials, and you can’t remember anymore if he was an attorney or already in the FBI, but you can’t forget how he’d taken your wrists into his hands and asked you not to cry.

“When you took me home, Haley asked me if you’d upset me, and I didn’t know how to explain it so you said yes. And she shouted at you for a whole half hour.”

“Why are you thinking about this now?” he asks.

Maybe because college is over and you’re forced to move on. Aaron asked you to try hard and you have, but now you have your degree and you don’t know what to do with it, you’ll get a job, and then what?

“I’ve been thinking about… my love life.”

“Oh. And you have to talk about this with me?” he jokes.

“I don’t have anybody else.”

He tears his gaze from the windshield. “That’s not true.”

“But…”

He turns into the parking lot outside of Dan’s Fine Wine Bar and pulls into a tight space with ease. He hesitates before he flicks off the engine, turning to you with a smile. “You’ll always have me,” he says, “and we can talk about your love life. I want to. God knows you’ve heard enough about mine this last year.” You both grimace. “But if I have to listen one more time to you talking about Spencer–”

“You said you wouldn’t get mad!”

“Honey.” He takes off his seatbelt and opens the door. “I’m not mad. But imagine your younger sibling comes to you one day to tell you they have feelings for your employee and try to find some sympathy for me!”

He clambers out of the car. You rush after him, unbuckling your seatbelt and nearly smashing your door into the car next to you. The air outside is cold, and you didn’t bring a jacket even though Aaron told you to twice, so you can’t mention it aloud. “I don’t have feelings for him.”

“You have a crush. You’re too old for it.”

“I am not.”

He gestures for you to walk in front of him as he clicks the fob for the car and the doors lock automatically. “I don’t understand what this has to do with your suspension.”

You chew on your cheek. Neon from the wine bar mottles your skin as you pass under it and through the door, air quickly turned from cold to temperate, the smell of old rain replaced by carpeting and beer. When you lift your head to his gaze, he’s still waiting for your answer. “You told me things wouldn’t be that hard forever. I was just wondering when it’s safe to say you were right.”

He grins at you, wrapping his arm around your shoulder to give you a rough hug. “Right now. Be happy right now, honey.”

“There they are!” Penelope calls from a table near the back. Suddenly, Aaron’s entire team of work colleagues stand up where they’ve dominated a whole row of tables and booths alike to greet you. “Oh my gosh, I missed you!”

You met Penelope a long long time ago, and JJ and Derek around the same time, but everybody else is basically new. College was busy and Aaron busier —there was hardly ever time to visit, and when you did it was to see him and Haley. Meeting his friends was somehow put off.

You were introduced to Emily and Spencer, so Aaron directs you to David Rossi first. That’s the main team done quickly. But then he has to introduce you to Anderson, Sweeney, Kelly, Cory, Davidson, etc. So many agents for one man’s birthday. Anyone would think Derek Morgan was a celebrity.

“Happy birthday!” you say, when you finally get a moment to speak.

Derek reaches over the table to hug you quickly. “Thank you, gorgeous. We’re thrilled you’re here.” He pulls back, elbowing Penelope lovingly. “Aren’t we, mama?”

Penelope squeals and jumps for you. “So thrilled!”

Aaron touches your back, as if to say, I’m here, before taking a seat opposite Rossi. You hear snippets of a conversation about whiskey and when, but you’re distracted, because suddenly Penelope’s forcing you to sit down in her vacated seat, smack bang between Emily Prentiss and Spencer Reid.

Dr. Spencer Reid. “Hi,” you say quietly. Can’t help it. You remember how you’d reacted when you met him the week before last and wonder if it’s too late to pretend you’re cool —you’d gotten so worked up about him. He wrote a bunch of papers you had to read for your degree, some of the most sophisticated theory on elliptical math you’d ever read, and you’re supposed to act like he’s just a normal guy?

It doesn’t help that he’s model pretty. You’d never have thought of him as he is now over email, his huge brown eyes, pale skin, the flicking curl of his hair behind his ears. When he turns his head, he has indents on his nose from a pair of glasses you wish you’d seen. You clear your throat.

“Hi, Y/N, how are you?” Spencer asks.

“I’m gonna go get a drink now,” Aaron says. “What do you want?” he asks you.

“Um, anything. I don’t really wanna drink.”

“Okay, I’ll be right back,” he says with deliberateness.

You feel heat like a rash on your neck. He’s embarrassing you doing his dad routine.

“You look pretty,” Spencer says.

You hide your hands under your thighs. “You think so?”

“You look beautiful,” Penelope says from across the table.

“Didn’t inherit that Hotchner scowl,” Derek says with a grin, “I thought it came with the name.”

“I learned how to do it the day they signed the adoption certificate,” you nudge in, “I just keep it to myself. I think Aaron has it down.”

Everybody within hearing distance laughs at you, to your relief. To your left, Spencer’s shoe hits your heel.

“So weird to hear his real name,” Emily says, tipping her drink to the side, ice and sugar on the surface. “I thought for sure you’d have to call him Hotch too.”

You look around in surprise. “He can’t be that bad. Does he really frown so much?”

You’re told vehemently that your brother is a grump, which is something you were aware of, just not experienced in. Sure, he’s had his unhappy moments, no one can smile every second of the day, but if everyone is to be believed he’s the sternest man alive. Eventually things drift into storytelling. Aaron brings you your drink with a straw and a napkin wrapped around the base, and you find yourself listening to a graphic rehash of Derek’s first case with the BAU.

Spencer’s leg is a coal at your side.

Your self preservation runs out. “You don’t drink?” you ask, nodding to his glass bottle of coke.

“I– I never did. I never had the opportunity. I’ve never even been to a party.” He pauses. “I don’t know why I just told you that.”

“I didn’t go to parties either,” you say, overjoyed to find common ground so quickly.

“I mean, I was never invited, but highschool parties didn’t seem like my thing. And, you know, I was twelve.”

“You were twelve in highschool?”

He’s doing that thing you noticed the day you met, where his lips move before he’s ready to talk, his emotion clear. “You weren’t?” he asks, not quite smooth but enough to make you laugh suddenly.

“I wish! I could’ve been done with college years ago.” Your brows pinch together. “Wait, so did you go to college as a kid?”

“I mean, sort of.”

“What? No wonder you didn’t go to any parties, that must’ve been insane. When I was twelve I was still setting my Barbie’s up for dance parties. Aaron has a photo of me dressed up in mom’s old clothes.” You lean forward for a sip of your drink.

“Oh, don’t worry, there’s a photo of me just like that when I was twelve, too.”

You laugh so hard you almost choke.

A cup comes down hard somewhere behind your turned head.

“You okay?” Emily asks.

She wears a smirk you don’t understand, a joke you’ve missed. You peer past her to look to Aaron for advice and find him rather sullen, hand curled tightly around his drink. You try to give him a signal to ask if he’s alright, but it’s to no avail.

“I’m fine, sorry, just a joke.” You turn back to Spencer. “That’s adorable.”

You’re breathless talking to him. He must notice, but Spencer doesn’t say a word.

If someone asked you why he caught your attention, you’re not sure you know the answer. He’s pretty, undeniably, and it’s fascinating that you used his theory while you were in school, but fascination isn’t endless. Maybe it’s the way he looks at you. No ones ever given such a clear sense of awe; he gets stuck on you, his eyes tracing your cheek and your nose and your lips. It’s noticeable, but it isn’t unwanted. You keep coming back to his smile as he talks, the flash of his teeth.

“I honestly didn’t know Hotch had a sister,” Spencer says.

“He was keeping us apart for a reason,” you say insistently, “I just don’t know what that reason is yet. He must’ve known you were the Dr. Reid I’d been reading.”

“It makes it sound like you’re reading me,” Spencer laughs. “Like, my hands.”

“Do you want me to?”

“Do I want you to what?”

“To read your palm?”

“You know how?”

“No parties, remember?”

Spencer gives you his hand. He has nice hands, big but slim-fingered like a pianist’s, though if he plays isn’t something you know. You angle it flat careful, your thumbs to either side of his open palm. “What do you want to know?” you ask.

“What can you tell me?”

You hum gently. “You have your life line, your head line, your heart line– your love line.”

“What does that– that mean for me?”

You press your thumb to his mount Jupiter, a soft hill of his hand under one of his fingers where the heart line begins. “Your desire for love, and your capacity for it. See how deeply curved it is?” you ask, drawing along his heart line gently. “It means you’re warm, and loving. That you could have a great love.”

You look up, his hand held gently between yours. “But I could be really wrong. I haven’t done this in so long, I might just be making stuff up.”

You sound insecure to your own ears, cringing away from his hand, but Spencer ducks his head just a little to keep your gaze, and he smiles at you softly. “It’s okay. I like your reading, even if it’s wrong. Where did you learn how to do that?”

“Aaron would buy me any book I asked for growing up, he…”

Your brother, sitting only a few seats away, can’t find it in himself to regret that particular generosity even if the sight of you holding Spencer’s hand isn’t one he wants to see. It’s odd. You’re fully grown up, and it’s not like Aaron thinks Spencer would ever hurt you purposefully, but it’s hard to see anyways. He can admit to feeling like a father watching his daughter finding a first love; he can’t keep you forever and he doesn’t want to, but it’s still hard to watch as you descend into giggles that border on dizziness.

“This is a good thing,” Rossi says. “You’ll never have to worry about her being out past curfew.”

Aaron laughs, it’s funny, and then he knocks back his drink.

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid oneshot #spencer reid scenario #spencer reid drabble #spencer reid fic #spencer reid fanfiction

[cute-sucker]

Hi! I wanna request a story of like kook reader having a crush on Rafe and her friends always warns her about his behaviors but she doesn’t care at all and continues to admire him and he definitely notices it but he’s so nonchalant and cold about it😭😭

rafe cameron was your world. 

if it was up to you, the sun set on him, and the moon awakened when his face came into view. it was cheesy you knew, after all, you had been his neighbour forever, but you couldn't help but find yourself drawn to his behaviour. when either it was his looks or the cocky smile that he had. whatever it was, it was not okay. 

well, you didn't see a problem with it. it was just a crush. just something to smile about sometimes, or think about. that's what you had promised some of your friends. but sometimes your friend mindy would tap your shoulder as she mouthed a soft "no," "no." 

at a certain point, you had become wheezie's babysitter in hopes of getting closer to rafe. it was pathetic you knew, but wheezie was such a sweet girl that you loved it even more. days at tanyhill were filled with finger paintings and fairy tales. sometimes you would go all out and let wheezie cook, although that did entail both of you getting completely covered in flour. and that was how you met him. formally. 

you had been smiling up at wheezie, as she told you the gingerbread cookies looked more crooked than usual. you had batted it off telling her that the two of you just had different styles. still you were covered in flour as rafe walked in. while you did have a small crush on him, you tried to ignore him as much as possible. if he was in a room, you walked out choking, blushing so hard. you were just so shy, you could barely say a word. 

yet here you were on the floor as you giggled with wheezie. the two of you were tired. until a voice rang out. 

"what the hell is going on? the place is a mess. shit." 

you felt your heart race as you got up, while wheezie continued to roll on the floor telling you how this perspective of the world was wicked. finally, rafe came into view, eyes squinted as his eyebrows were furrowed. "who the hell are you?" 

wheezie rolled her eyes, "oh my god, rafe can you be more embarrassing. she's my babysitter?" his expression stayed confused before he shrugged it off walking to the fridge, wheezie scoffed, "damn rafe do you even pay attention-" 

"hey!" he snapped, swinging the fridge open to take out a carton of milk, a warning finger in the air, "don't swear." 

at this wheezie scoffed, putting her hands on her hips, "you do it all the time, i don't know why i can't-"

"wheezie, i'm older than you," he interjected, and then he held the milk carton up to his lips. wheezie winced, making a disgusted face, as she pushed him away from the fridge. rafe stumbled away a satisfied grin on his face, ruffling wheezie's hair.  

"ugh, boys you know," wheezie huffed, closing the fridge door with a bang.  

finally wheezie looked up at you, almost as if she was realising you had said nothing and arched an eyebrow at your expression, placing a comforting pink manicured hand on your shoulder. it was humorous how the 13 year old was trying to make you feel better. her nails were still a shocking neon pink with sparkles. 

"don't feel too bad. rafe is weird." the two of you left it at that before going back to making cookies. 

˚❀༉‧₊˚.˚❀༉

"and then he came in, like all khakis, and that hot polo shirt," you giggled into your phone, kicking your feet. your friend mindy made a hurrupted sound on the phone, "i met him, like actually met him. why aren't you as excited about this?" 

suddenly the phone went silent, and you could hear her soft breathing, "i dunno, i mean lets think about this rationally," she sighed out, and you groaned, turning over in bed. this meant that hard truths were going to be told. 

"-okay i know you hate this, but you've babysitting for the camerons for what, two years?" 

"three years," you corrected, before realising your error. 

"yeah, three years and he hasn't noticed you at all? hasn't thought to ask, 'hey who's that rando girl staying in our home dad?' at all? they invited you to the midsommers, and to all of their parties. and he doesn't know you?" 

you winced at that, before you pouted turning back on your back, "listen, i know it sounds bad, but i don't know. it'll happen."  

you didn't think about it too hard, but there was a noticeable shift. you were putting a lot of care into changing into a cute dress, or painting your nails with extra care, or making sure you asked wheezie where he was. you didn't think it was obvious, but one time wheezie brought it up. 

"do you have a crush on rafe?" she asked, stuffing her face with the burger you had made her. 

you were taking a gulp out of your lemonade and almost spat it out, "wheezie! don't ask me things like that." 

she blinked at you innocently, "i don't know what you're talking about. it's a valid question," and then she pouted, "i thought you'd tell me everything about yourself." 

"well, no, i don't have a c-crush on your brother," you sputtered out, glaring at wheezie who gave you a sly grin. she quickly let go of the conversation, and the two of you were arguing over jenga and who had won. 

quickly enough the days passed at the tanyhill, you had settled down into the belief that rafe would not notice you. who cared? you had a nice job, wheezie was a sweetheart and mr. cameron loved having you around. it was perfect all of it, until rafe approached it. 

it was for a frat part you could tell. with his backward cap on, a fitted tee, he looked like a dream. the babysitting shift was over, and you were slowly walking outside only to see rafe revving up his motorcycle. 

you found yourself flushing at the whole scene and murmured out a soft 'bye.' as usual, you were ignored, or maybe you were too quiet, goddamn it you were so stupid-

"hey!" 

you turned around to see rafe cupping his face to yell at you. he had pulled off his helmet to talk to you. 

"hey," you stuttered out, grasping at your tote bag. you looked like a total grandma, with your cardigan, and written-on sneakers, "what's up?" 

"just heading off to a party, and uh," he scratched his head, squinting his eyes before tearing his eyes off his motorcycle to look back at you, "wanna come? it's at like nine." 

"sure! of course. yeah, sure," you blurted out, flushing even more. he regarded you again, a well-natured smile flittering across his face. 

"yea, i'll see you then." 

so there it was. an invitation. rafe cameron had invited you to a party. 

maybe this was a start of something.

#lamb!reader #rafe outer banks #obx fic #rafe imagine #rafe cameron #rafe x you #rafe x reader #angst #fluff #rafe obx #drabble #rafe cameron x reader #x reader #reader insert #fem reader #female reader #babysitter!reader #kook!reader #outer banks #rafe cameron x y/n #rafe cameron x you #rafe cameron prompt #rafe cameron drabble #rafe cameron fluff

[yuri-is-online]

I imagine Deuce!Yutu is either A. The Ultimate Honor Student with perfect grades and a plsmile that makes old nannies and mothers swoon (Yutu: "Thanks, its because me and my parent are the local "weirdos" I had to overcorrect and become a golden child (':") OR B. just as bad as pre-NRC Deuce was, a gang member who'd jump anyone who'd look at him wrong (but still cried until he was sick when he watched My Girl (1991) behind Yuu's back. They told him not to because they knew it was sad, he didn't listen).

I imagine Yuu's main memory of Deuce to their Yutu was how much Deuce believed in self-improvement and redemption, always trying to be a better man, which either version of Yutu can't help but admire or respect, despite their complicated feelings over their absent father.

Upon meeting him in the "current" timeline as a student, A or B either can't help but give Pop's an A for effort, despite missing the goal sometimes or finds him a little cringe for being such a tryhard.

I had to google the movie you mentioned and got jump scared by it taking place in Pennsylvania. Pretty sure I have driven through the place it's supposed to be set before... and fuck just reading the synopsis made me cry I don't think I could watch it ;-; poor Yutu should have listened to his parent.

notes: they/them used for Yuu, for context on the fyuuture kid au can be found here and here.

I feel like I have read too much Tokyo Revengers because... we can have both: an honor student with a delinquent mean streak sounds like a good set up for Deuce! Yutu. Not that I think he would behave like Kisaki does exactly, but still. Dylla mentions in the White Rabbit event that she wasn't on the best terms with her mother when she was a teen, and we know about how Deuce was in middle school, so the idea of Yutu having a bit of a temper and rebellious streak to him does make a degree of sense. Sadly, I think that extends to his interactions with Yuu... so things are about to be angsty on two fronts today.

Much like Deuce, Yutu was just the cutest baby. He loved all things cute and fluffy. Bunnies, kitties, puppy dogs, he was such a sweet little kid who really loved chasing around butterflies in the great outdoors. He really loved to read, and learned how to do so at a very early age. When Yuu was having a bad day he would pick out one of his favorite books and insist on reading them a bedtime story so they could take a nap without any nightmares. If he was especially worried he would bring his favorite nightlight with him.

Not that anyone would ever dare to suggest it given what Yutu is like now, but he was very afraid of the dark as a child. He still is, there's just something about the void that exists in the darkness that screams danger to him. When he's isekaid to Twisted Wonderland it evolves into an extreme fear of blot and phantoms. I'd like his unique magic to have something to do with light or stars, something inspired by the Second Star to the Right from Peter Pan? I think it would be cute for someone afraid of the dark to be able to provide their own light.

When Yutu reaches middle school there's a noticeable change in his relationship with you. He's still polite, still bringing home good grades and unoffensive comments from his teachers. But he's a bit cold, as if he is purposefully putting emotional distance between you. His friends all treat you respectfully, but you just have a feeling, left over from somewhere, that you know what is likely going on but you can't put your finger on what. He gets angry when you try to ask questions, yelling something about how you just don't understand, maybe even throws in something about this being your fault...

I wrote about Riddle! Yutu having some fights with Yuu, but Deuce! Yutu's fights are so much worse. While Riddle! Yutu typically comes out of his room blubbering big fat tears ready to apologize, Deuce! Yutu feels the need to double down and save face. He does believe his parent has amnesia, he's seen how they act, but what he does not get is why they insist on feeling so fond of his dad and refuse to move on. In his mind their life could be a lot better if Yuu was willing to be honest with themselves about who his dad probably was. Yutu is very hung up on why Deuce felt the need to be redeemed, focusing on self improvement is all fine and good if you are someone worth redeeming but he's not around for Yutu to judge. And Yuu doesn't remember...

He's young, stupid, and angry, and he takes it out on anyone who looks at him wrong. What's worse for authority figures who want to help is that he's veeeery smart about how he does it. When he jumps someone you can bet there won't be cameras around to see it. When the police start troubling Yuu about what he's doing it's mostly just in the hope that they'll be able to talk some sense into their kid rather than to arrest Yutu or anything like that, but it doesn't work. Yutu gets to see the same thing that his dad did all those years ago, his parent crying because of his behavior but there's no grandparent Yuu is asking advice of. Since I am in the mood to be extra cruel, let's say the day that fight takes place, the day Yutu sees Yuu crying is the day he hears a very important name for the first time.

Deuce. His father's name is Deuce and the reason why he wasn't around was because he was from the other world that came to swallow up him and his parent the instant they began to remember. He doesn't get time to cover up the signs of his rebellion, or really a chance to say sorry. He has to look Grandpa Crewel in the face and admit that he made Yuu cry and added to the overly stressed mess their life had become. Everything they said about Deuce was true, and what's worse he was like him.

I feel like Deuce would be the sort of person who wanted to make a lot of home videos. Cater probably would be too, but he'd store most of them on his phone and I think that would be lost to time by the time his Yutu came home. Maybe it's because of the ghost camera, or his desire to be an "honor student" evolving into wanting to be an "honorable husband and father" but Deuce totally bought a video camera to take cheesy videos to show Yutu as he grew up. Instead the kid gets to see fragments of a life he could have had as he listens to his dad tell him about his life and how he met Yuu.

"Honestly I have no idea why they said yes." Deuce is a dork. A complete dork who looks so... young and life like in the video. He knows what features he took from Yuu but watching Deuce talk, he can pick up on the ticks, the way his mouth sets when determined. The look of shock that always made Yuu laugh, it bursts into view when he hears Yuu laugh as they enter the frame to snuggle into Duece's side, to press their face against his cheek with a happily contended sigh. "Y-yuu you're making me look uncool in front of the baby."

"He's not here yet!" You giggle and for the first time in a long time Yutu feels himself choking up as he watches his dad get all silly looking at the thought of his arrival.

"We're really looking forward to meeting you kiddo. I promise, nothing will ever happen to you. I'm not going anywhere."

"Well. Technically kept that last promise didn't you." He tries to play it off like a joke, but Crewel isn't laughing and neither is Yutu.

Gets put in Heartslabyul, but isn't exactly determined to be an honor student like his dad. While Deuce enjoys a good fight or the feeling of the wind in his hair... Yutu mostly got into fights because he was angry and needed someone to take it out on. Because of that temper he struggles with learning and controlling his magic but he still does pretty well with the practical academic side of things. He's proud of his ability to understand these things, and takes a lot of comfort in knowing his dad would be excited at knowing he was good at things like math and science.

Like with the other Heartslabyul boys, he had to fight his father's phantom. He sees putting Deuce to rest as part of his penance for how he treated Yuu in the years leading up to getting isekaid. He refuses to go back in time until he's able to lay this version of his father to rest next to Yuu so he can promise both of them, to their faces, that he'll create a world where they all can be together and live as a family.

Deuce is extremely friendly to Yutu! He wants to learn as much about Yuu's world as he can so he can help them feel as at home in Twisted Wonderland as possible. He makes sure to let Yutu know that extends to him too once Yuu warms up to having him in the friend circle, Uncle Ace is much less enthusiastic but it's clearly from a place of care towards Yuu. He starts to warm up when he sees Yutu trying his hardest to tutor Deuce, though he claims it's because he just thinks it's funny but really it's because Ace wants to see Deuce succeed.

Very correct on his feelings about Pops. His dad is so wildly cringe it's unreal. His effort is inspiring until he starts getting embarrassed for losing his temper and stuttering, or seven forbid you look at his grades. The more he interacts with both of you the more certain he becomes that Deuce would never have abandoned him... and that he is so getting grounded when Deuce learns about how he treated Yuu. And what's worse is that Yutu sort of wants him to.

Surprisingly that's not what happens at all. When Deuce learns who Yutu is, whether by sleuthing or through a violent confrontation with a monster from the future, when the whole story is laid out before him and his son bows to beg for his judgement it doesn't come at all. His Pops yanks him up by the collar and turns him towards Yuu.

"Say all of that again to your parent." Deuce's voice is as stern as it is serious. Yuu looks distraught, not quite to the point they were on the day everything changed but getting there as Yutu immediately breaks down and chokes, crying and begging for your forgiveness and saying he's sorry as Deuce brings all three of you together into a strong embrace. "I'm not the one you need to make things up to, but it's ok. I know exactly how you feel and we'll work through things together."

Deuce doesn't feel like he can be overly angry at Yutu for taking after him. He does feel the need to apologize to Yuu, profusely and in private, for putting them in so much danger and not being there to help Yutu work through his temper. If I was writing this as a story, I'd make Yuu sort of afraid of Yutu's feelings? I could see them blaming themselves and things being a bit awkward within their relationship with Yutu where they had been very good before the reveal. With Deuce being the loving and understanding partner that he is, the bridge is once again mended and the whole family gets to indulge in hobbies that aren't beating the shit out of other people.

Yutu gets back into reading, and starts looking up manuals and histories of blastcycles so he has something to talk to his dad about. He was right about his dad being extremely proud of him for being smart, he's that classic mechanic working class dad who can't stop talking about his kid who went to college and has pictures of him in his garage he makes sure to point out to everyone who comes in. Said person is really just Ace who really wants to make fun of Deuce and Yuu for being cringe together but is too focused on this whole world ending thing and wants everyone to be more focused on that.

Deuce promises that he is, he has a lot of confidence in the ability of your little group to be able to win against stacked odds. You've done it before you can do it again. Yutu couldn't have picked better allies, he's really determined to show him that and be a dad his son can be proud of. He repeats his promise to Yutu that he's never going anywhere, even though the kid never told him anything about the tapes because he really means it. He wants that world little Yutu dreamed of and older Yutu swore to fight for to be a reality, and it's his job as an honorable dad and future husband (he gets so flustered when he says that) to be the one on the front lines of fighting for it,

... just please please please do not tell Yutu about the egg incident. He doesn't think he could handle that embarrassment.

#<3 asks #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #deuce spade x reader #deuce spade x yuu #ace! yutu is a charming rogue like robin hood #deuce! yutu is like basil from the great mouse detective #this took forever as i was inflicted with some big sleepies but i think they're gone now? we shall see

[ilovebuckers5]

¸.♡.¸so high school ¸.♡.¸

chapter 1 - sparks fly

｡･:*pairing˚:✧｡ - hs!paige x fem!oc!lydia

ˏˋ°•summary*⁀➷ - Paige could never see herself going so crazy over a girl that it distracted her from basketball but here she was. while Lydia could never imagine getting off track of school for just another girl but then again here she was.

⋆.ೃword count࿔*:･ - 3.2k

-ˋˏ ༻themes༺ ˎˊ-

-fluff

-love at first sight

⋆ ˚｡warnings⋆୨୧˚

-none

I walked through the doors of my homeroom. There is no way I'm doing this. My first day as a junior felt like walking on clouds. My feet felt so right against the carpet of my classroom.

Most people wouldn't be that excited to be a junior for the first day after summer but my brain couldn't get the thought of high school out of itself.

My seat was right next to a window that perfectly showcased the basketball hoops that were next to the outside lunch tables.

It took me a second to breathe in the new classroom scent that was filled with what seemed like sweaty, tired, bad breath, auras but the scent of all my friend's body mists canceled it out. I waved to a couple of the girls that surrounded my desk. I felt lucky to have friends who waited for me.

I rushed myself to the corner of the room and sat down next to the friends who weren't late, hugging every one of them. Then my best friend, Lily. I wrapped my arms around Lily's waist which was covered by a custom Taylor Swift cardigan that was purple to match the Speak Now album.

"Holy shit you got it!?" I tugged on the very bottom of the softly knitted cardigan in awe.

"Yup!" Lily spun around with her hands spread out like a princess in her very first wedding dress.

You could probably see hearts of jealousy forming in my eyes. I've always wanted one of those cardigans. Looks like I'd just have to steal it from Lily sometime sooner or later.

The seat was hard with a dip in the middle which was familiar and normal but still got me all excited. This is the seat I'd be in for the next whole year (probably a couple of weeks before someone claims I'm creeping them out, forcing the teacher to move my seat.)

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I had in one airpod while the rest of the class walked in the doors. Sulking and dragging their feet across the floor. How could anyone not be excited about a day like this? Beats me.

I took no time to pull out a notebook and pens and pencils, writing down almost every word that my teacher said about how this year would go. My focus was nowhere but between my paper and my teacher's face.

Until I accidentally slipped an eye out of the window. My eyes were met with a blonde ponytail rushing across the blacktop. The girl was looking back and forth between the floor in front of her and the basketball hoops. I could feel her stress through the glass window.

Soon enough, the door of my classroom swung open to reveal the same blonde girl, still painted with the same stress but now that I could see her face it seemed cuter that she was in such a rush. A couple of balls of sweat fell down her face while the teacher gave her a 'how are you late on the first day' kind of look.

She had on a pair of gray sweatpants and a dark red hoodie that almost perfectly matched her shoes. As I looked her up and down, the teacher sent her my way. That's when our eyes met for the first time. It felt like I was looking at the sky. Her face was still flushed with a light pink hue and was identical to her lips. She looked like she did not want to be here, let alone be seated next to a 16-year-old swiftie.

She sat down with a huge huff and let her legs naturally separate. I couldn't keep my eyes off of her so to not seem creepy I had to talk to her. I'm almost positive that the teacher just thought I was filling her in on what had been said earlier but I was not. For the first time in a while, I wasn't focusing on what my teacher was saying. I wasn't taking down everything she said and putting it in my notebook. Instead, I was looking into the eyes of who was now my biggest crush.

"Hey! I promise you from what I've heard, this class is not as bad as it seems. I heard they'll be a shit ton of group projects maybe we could do some of them together?"

I was always told that I was a chatterbox and I needed to stop being so open and welcoming to people. that didn't stop me ever. I could tell that she was trying to ignore me but eventually, she gave in and looked me in the eye again. Her face was pretty blank but I could see right behind her dull-looking eyes that she wanted someone kind in this class. Maybe I'm just obsessed with reading people but it feels pretty accurate to me

"Thank you but I'm good," she said, quickly shutting down my excitement of the conversation.

I let out a sharp breath and looked back at my desk. At least I tried.

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The rest of the class was calm for me. Probably miserable for the blonde. Just as I was getting up to leave the classroom after our bell rang, I realized that I didn't even know her name. And of course, I was far too nervous to go talk to her again so I had to suffer the feeling of not knowing my own crush's name.

Then I was saved.

She walked out of the room right in front of me and was greeted by another girl, she looked like her best friend.

"Paige!" the girl squealed wrapping her arm around Paige's shoulder.

Paige.

I decided that I had been walking behind the two girls for long enough. To the point where my blood started to boil and the sight of the two being so exhilarated to see each other. I know I had just "met" Paige but I wanted that to be me. I wanted to be close to her.

I slowly slipped past the two girls and walked up to Lily, hugging her again. As hard as I tried, my face was still red from thinking about Paige. and Lily could tell.

"What's up with you?" She said nudging my shoulder.

My eyes widened once I realized that my face was burning up.

"Oh uh, nothing! it was just really hot in that classroom. That's why I'm hot no other reason. I mean it is August, and late summer is always the hottest here I mean when I tell you I was sweating so much in that class it was crazy. You're lucky you didn't have to be put through that heat heh." That was when I realized I was rambling. Only getting redder by the second.

"That's why I'm red." I rubbed the back of my neck while hiding my face.

Lily's eyebrows furrowed in. She saw right through me.

She shook whatever lie I was pushing out of my mouth and kept on walking toward her next class. passing period was around 7 minutes so once she went into her next class I took the time to go to the bathroom and touch up my lipgloss. I had a feeling that that would happen every passing period now.

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Paige's pov

It was lunch now and I still couldn't get that girl out of my head. I barely even remembered how she looked I just remembered her voice. soft and welcoming. I honestly loved it. her words rang through my head all day and I wish I was a bit more nice in class. I was secretly hoping that we would have at least two classes together because she seemed like the nicest person to come up to me.

It only took me a couple of minutes to finish the lunch I had made earlier this morning. The only reason I finished eating so quickly was to get to the outside basketball court before any of the cocky and annoying guys did.

There was already a ball laying out on the floor so I picked it up and called over Azzi to practice with me because playing basketball with yourself had to be the strongest guy magnet to exist.

We were just practicing layups and rebounds for what felt like a very short amount of time before my eyes latched onto the same girl. I missed that shot I was in the middle of making once I saw her walking to the tables.

I've never actually let a girl distract me from basketball but I couldn't help myself. Azzi quickly noticed and part of me felt like she was jealous.

Azzi tapped my shoulder, causing me to lose focus on the girl. It seemed like she was in slow motion as she walked past me without even looking.

Everything was back at a normal speed when Azzi gathered my attention.

"Dude, are you good?" She lifted her hands in the air.

By the time I could come up with an answer, she was gone. and I still didn't know her name.

"Yeah, I'm g-good." I was not.

My mind kept going back to that moment and replaying it over and over. I had just noticed that she had freckles. Perfectly and evenly distributed over her tanned skin. Her hair was long and it draped over her shoulders like a shawl. She wasn't short but she wasn't tall. 5'7 maybe? I kept on trying to remember her features as detailed as I could. I mean I only looked at her for a couple of seconds, there wasn't much to work with.

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When I got home it was harder than usual to focus on anything. My dad started explaining what I'd do for basketball this year as if I hadn't been thinking about it all summer. My brain made its choice of blocking out everything and only focusing on this mystery girl.

I was never one to ignore my parents, even if they were talking about something boring, unlike basketball. Yet here I was zoning out while my dad tried to get my attention multiple times.

I finally snapped out of whatever haze I was in and looked my dad in the eye. "What huh? Sorry."

He rolled his eyes at me and stood up to get another plate of food, along with one for me.

"I said, you'll want to try and get closer with other teammates and not just Azzi. There is a chance you'll play with them in the future."

He handed me a plate of food with a couple of utensils before sitting back down and finishing his food.

I ate my food quickly and tried to get outside before it got too dark.

Usually, I'd go outside and practice shooting a ball around but when I stepped outside I saw the one person I had been thinking about all day.

The same girl from school had just walked into what I was guessing was her home. My heart sank a little when I saw the door shut behind her. There was no way that this girl was living right across from me.

Part of me wanted to keep playing with my basketball until it got dark but another part of me (the one that took control) wanted to be bold. So I did

I walked across the street between me and the girl's house and stepped onto her porch. I hesitated knocking but slowly knocked on her blue wooden door three times.

At first, there was no answer so I turned myself around, convincing myself that it was a bad idea even though I really wanted someone to answer the door.

Just as I was about to walk down the four steps of her porch, the door opened. My head snapped around to see her standing in the doorway.

"Hey?" She said.

Her voice was just as soft as I could remember from this morning. She was so confused though.

I waved at her with my back slightly turned in her direction before switching angles and walking right back up to her porch.

"Hi! Uh, I'm sorry but I saw you walking in and I wanted to apologize for being so blunt this morning. It was rude." I tried to cover my face once I felt it growing with heat.

But when I looked up, she was still smiling. She was smiling as if I didn't totally treat her like shit in first period. She smiled as if she was glad that I was on her porch.

"Oh don't worry about that. First days of school aren't everyone's thing like they are for me so I don't blame you." She began to walk towards me while shutting the door behind her.

"I'm Lydia!"

Lydia. It fit her so well.

"I'm Paige." I shook her hand which was standing still in the air right in front of me.

"Well, It's nice to meet you, Paige. I guess I'll see you around."

"I'd hope so, we live right next to each other so if we didn't I'd get pretty worried."

"Would you now?"

Lydia then turned around and walked back into her house.

My feet felt like they weren't even attached to the ground. My hands tingled and I could still feel her touch against my palm. I must have stood there for at least 3 minutes before running back into my own house and sprinting up the stairs.

I threw myself on my bed with my arms and legs spread out.

"Shit!"

My head fell into my hands attempting to cover my now red face, even though I didn't have anyone to hide it from.

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Lydia's pov 

The minute I got back inside, I was quite literally jumping for joy. I was squealing and running around my house as if I just got into my dream college.

I actually lived right next to the one girl I wanted to. Paige.

I ran up to my room and continued to jump up and down. I took no time to get out my record player and put on my Lover record. I had it at the max volume.

I began to sing along to the lyrics of Cornelia Street as loud as I could. After screaming the lyrics to every Lover song, I calmed myself down and flopped my body onto my bed. The covers slid around while I squirmed about my bed. I then took a pillow into my hands and screamed as loud as I could into it.

By now my face was blazing red and I couldn't feel anything on my body.

Some would say that I was overreacting but they obviously didn't know how much this meant to me.

First of all, my nice personality actually showed and Paige didn't think I was just being annoying and perky. Second of all, she didn't mean to have an off-putting reaction to my nice personality. Third of all, she actually gave enough of a fuck to apologize for having an attitude this morning. and fourth of all, she lived right. Next. To Me.

I felt my heart flutter out of my chest the more I thought about it. and just as I was getting caught in a daydream of what the future could hold for me and Paige, my brother walked in.

"Can you turn that music down? My ears are fucking bleeding."

Of course, I wasn't going to turn the music down or let my brother ruin my lovely daydreaming moment, so I picked up a different pillow of mine and chucked it at his face.

"Put on some headphones then!"

I yelled over my music. Was it maybe a little too loud? Yes. Did I care? Nope.

My brother slammed my door and left to storm down the hallway and complain to my mom. Next thing you know she was interrupting me and stood in the doorway with a hand on her hip.

I was now forced to turn down my amazing musical taste and listen to my mom's lecture.

"What is going on? Why on earth are you so smiley?"

My face was serious and stern until she asked what was up with me. Then I began to let my smile right back out and crept up to my mom. I wrapped my arms around her, still not being able to control my excitement.

"Mom the best thing happened today. Sit down sit down." I sat in my desk chair after patting on the bed for my mom to sit on. A long sigh left her mouth while she shut the door and sat down next to me.

"So basically, I was in my homeroom ready for everything when I looked out the window and this random blonde girl was rushing through campus, and then next thing I knew she was in my class. Mom she has the prettiest blue eyes and her hair looks so shiny and long and oh my god." I dipped my head into my hands to shade the absolutely humongous smile that was on my lips.

"She sat next to me and I was like 'blah blah blah school is difficult on the first day blah blah blah this class is going to be fun blah blah blah' I was being nice like how I usually am and boom she has a bland ass reaction- language I know I'm sorry. then I get home and the next thing I know she's at my door! she starts apologizing for her reaction and is being so nice and I find out that her name is Paige! Paige Paige Paige oh my God!"

I was now spinning around in my chair with my knees huddled close to my chest and when I looked up my mom had the most admiring smile on.

My mom always cared for me and my love life. She had to be the sweetest and most supporting and caring mom ever.

She then pulled her hand up to my back and began rubbing back and forth, slowly calming me down.

"That's amazing honey. So she lives near us?"

My face lit up just thinking about that fact.

"Yes! Right across the street!"

My mom laughed again at my excitement.

"I'm happy for you love." She removed her hand from my back and stood up with a grunt.

Once she left the room I was finally calmed down. I let out a huge breath and laid back down on my bed, staring at the ceiling.

I could almost feel my heartbeat in my mouth as I panted. All that jumping and screaming was getting to me.

Without even taking off my jeans or my sweater, I fell asleep on top of my covers. I was curled up in the corner of my bed now.

Of course, all I could think and dream about was Paige. My head began jumping from scenario to scenario. Ones where me and Paige were together. A first date. And all of those thoughts slowly led me to sleep.

for the first time in a while, I actually felt like this would work. Like maybe I had found a crush that won't fuck me over silently by ignoring me.

#paige bueckers #asks #basketball #uconn wbb #lesbian #uconhuskies #anons #paigexreader #paige x reader #paige #paige buckets #highschool Paige #fluff #hard launch #so high school

[shroomsroom]

Hi dear I hope you're doing well and I was hoping if you can do the whole greaser gang with a s/o that's like Fiona Gallagher from the show shameless? Like she's taking care of her six siblings and her dad who's usually at the bar or passed out somewhere. Their mother ran out and is mentally ill so their s/o is left to be her siblings mother/father/ and nurse fill free to ignore if you want to do and I hope you have a good day!

Summary: The Outsider x Fiona Gallagher!Reader Warnings:mentions of absent mother, drinking, very toxic adult behavior, dysfunctional family Author's Note: gonna be busy tmrw and weekend again, ill try and post 1 fic per day but no promises.

PONYBOY CURTIS

Ponyboy doesn’t really live in a dysfunctional family, yes his home life is tough but Darry loves him and tries his best and pony knows that

However, pony cant mentally put himself in Darry’s shoes of having no-one to lean on and having to take care of many siblings

When he first met you, he was absolutely smitten. And when you told him of your problems, he thought you were the toughest chick in town

He often asks Darry what to do to take a couple of burdens off your shoulder. He applies it to you and also at home, you’ve made him a better person.

JOHNNY CADE

Has a dysfunctional family and can understand, to an extent..he still gets fed sometimes and doesn’t have to work to stay in his home

But he doesn’t have a hard time adjusting to you.

He’s very open and loves your siblings, so he tries to take them out as many times as possible to give you some rest.

He genuinely doesnt understand how your parents could have left you doing all this by yourself when you’re such a perfect girl.

SODAPOP CURTIS

Soda admires you like you’re a work of art. 

He takes everything into consideration, for example, if he wants to take you on a date he’ll invite some of the gang members to hang out with your siblings and keep them away

Never asks you for anything, not to rant, vent or anything. He feels as if his problems could never measure up to yours so his whole world revolves around you.

Tries to spend as much of his money as possible to get you nice things and spoil you.

STEVE RANDLE

Steve understands how tough it is for you mentally. He’ll often stop by your place with something for you, like a box of chocolates or something. 

Whenever he’s over, he makes an effort to get to know and play with your siblings, he even was going to introduce himself to your dad. You convinced him it was a bad idea so he didnt.

He makes it known that you can tell him anything, literally anything, and he’d listen. He also wants you to know that you can call him anytime and he’d come for you.

Reassures you that he won’t ever leave you, that you’re special and he’s madly in love with you.

TWO-BIT MATHEWS

Two-Bit has some kid experience so he tries his hardest to keep your siblings company and even brings his sisters for ‘playdates’

Really enjoys spending time with you and would even do the chores around the house with you to keep talking with you.

He’s not very good at comforting people and he tries to make up for it by using his humor. You get where he’s coming from and it often helps a lot actually.

Tries his best to look nice for you when he comes over, he wants you to know he’s not a washed up nobody like your parents and wants to be a rolemodel to your siblings.

DARRY CURTIS

Often tells you that you’re perfect and that your siblings will grow so much better with you as their ‘parent’. He once made you cry because of what he said and he just held you in his arms while you sobbed.

He can sort of relate to what you’re going through but his is not as extreme as yours. 

Whenever he can he drops by to help you. Date night consists of making dinner for your siblings, washing the dishes and having a late night dinner together after you put your siblings to bed.

He knows you'd make a perfect wife since he’s old enough to marry, just waiting on the right time to pop the question.

DALLAS WINSTON

Dallas is insensitive and rude to you. He knows what you’re going through, he just doesn’t care.

However, once you caught him putting on a bandaid for your younger brother. He wasn’t kind about it, saying things like “can’t you do this yourself?” but he still did it.

He knows you saw it and thinks that hanging around your house and helping you with chores and siblings will keep you quiet about it

He doesn’t like kids, but he tolerates them for his reputation, and because you’re growing on him.

#shroomsroom #clara'sroom #the outsiders x reader #dallas winston x reader #dally winston x reader #johnny cade x reader #steve randle x reader #pony curtis x reader #ponyboy curtis x reader #soda curtis x reader #sodapop curtis x reader #two bit mathews x reader #two bit matthews x reader #two bit x reader #darrel curtis x reader #darry curtis x reader

[preseriesdean]

if you don’t mind me asking, could you share some of your favorite fanfics or authors? thanks ❤️

oh hi hello!! yes of course!! i actually haven't read any spn fic in a while but i have spent a lot of time organizing my bookmarks. i'm going to assume that you meant samdean fic but i'll add a few non-samdean ones at the end.

authors!

@zmediaoutlet (deadlybride on ao3)

candle_beck (ao3)

@goshen-applecrumbledore (ao3)

whereupon (livejournal)

Linden (ao3)

sevenfists (ao3)

there are so many more great authors but these came to mind :)

fics!

i am going to list my forever-favorites first - the ones i would recommend to anyone and everyone, screaming-from-the-rooftops kind of love - and then many many more under the cut.

beloved by urchinesque (2016, 1.9k, NR, warning: death) It might be the gentlest thing that's ever happened to them.

in my opinion everyone should read this once. it's quick. they die. it's-- happy, somehow. beautiful. i think about it all the time.

Last Day on Earth by candle_beck (2009, 10.8k, E) A list of things to do if you only have one day to live, presented in inconvenient non-list form.

last year my best friend and i were pondering which fic felt quintessential to samdean for us and somehow settled on this one. i still agree with the choice.

Odysseus, American by coyotesuspect (2010, 10k, M) Dean finds Peter O'Toole's recording of the Odyssey in a bin marked “Audio" in Casa Grande's only used bookstore. The place smells like cigarette smoke and old books, and it reminds him of Sam. Stanford era.

my favorite stanford era fic. i think it captures dean's loneliness and desperation beautifully.

A man with his insides out and his outsides off by britomart_is (2016, 5.3k, E, time travel, underage) They say there are only two stories in the world: man goes on a journey, and stranger comes to town.

another fic i want everyone to read. it's so short and feels like a novel. sam is messed up and dean is in love and everything is miserable.

Breathing Hard by whereupon (2009, 9k, E) The day Dean figures it out.

this is so simple and yet-- everything to me. i can't think about dinosaurs without thinking about this fic, which doesn't tell you much, but you'll see. sometimes this is really all you need.

The Last Outpost of All That Is by gekizetsu (2008, 59k, E) The world ends while they’re asleep.

this fic has stayed with me my whole life. i thought about it even during my years away from spn and fandom entirely. they're alone and you don't know why and they build their life together and you end up wondering, is this hell or heaven? whenever i come across a screenshot of the last couple of paragraphs i want to cry.

see things so much clearer by deadlybride (2020, 11.7k, E) Sam's been acting oddly. Dean learns how to use the history on an internet browser and finds out why.

this is a fic that hits the spot for me personally so well. another favorite preseries fic. i love the idea of sam using livejournal, and of dean finding out this way.

Stay The Distance by lazy_daze (2011, 24k, E) Sam is dependent on Dean's touch and closeness after the wall falls - Dean's presence reminds him of why he chose to wake up, and keeps the memories at bay, allowing Sam to function.

i love enmeshment, and i love that here it's literal. i love that they're just sort of fine with it.

more fics below!

in absolutely no particular order whatsover. please check the warnings and tags on these before reading!

Recall by De_Nugis (2012, 6.3k, E) Sam's having a hard time telling what's real and what isn't, especially when it comes to some voicemails from Dean.

Living in god's blind spot by applecrumbledore (2022, 25k, E) Of all the situations Dean didn’t need his dad to see him in, ‘getting off to being pushed around by a guy’ was in the top three. And ‘a guy’ was a massive glossing-over of reality. Any guy—any other guy—would be bad enough, but Sam was fucking cataclysmic.

Almost At Home by balefully (2008, 24.3k, E) Sam graduates from high school in early June in rural Tennessee. He and Dean start the summer with an all-nighter of celebration; the day after, while both fight hangovers, John calls to assign them their first hunt by themselves.

they said it was the fall of man by jukeboxhound (2016, 7.4k, M) Sam gets his soul back on a Monday.

When I Fall Asleep It Is Your Eyes That Close by britomart_is (2009, 1.9k, E) Post-Season Two. Sam is alive. Dean is happy.

Life As We Know It by sevenfists (2007, 13.7k, M, curtain fic) On the morning that Sam woke up, Dean ran five red lights on the way to the hospital, his half-empty coffee cup sloshing in the holder.

tied up like two ships by orphan_account (2014, 3.1k, E) Dean liked to hold hands.

Gospel Truth by Cerberuss (2020, 15.2k, E, case fic) ‘DOES YOUR BROTHER KNOW THAT YOU WANT HIM?’ Individually placed letters, bold and tinged brown with the weather. Sam can’t look away and he prays, dream dream dream.

Buy You A Mockingbird by candle_beck (2011, 10.3k, M, underage, outsider pov) A genuine horror story.

because you want to die for love by hathfrozen (2021, 27.3k, E) Sam and Dean settle into their Heaven—and into each other, too.

the constant vow by deadlybride (2022, 119k, E, fem dean-ish) They've just finished up a pretty standard job and are killing time in snowy Wisconsin when Dean wakes up no longer looking like Dean. That's just the start of their problems.

This Fortress Made of Us by mickeym (2009, 10.8k, E) Sam really didn't do very well without his brother. Coda for Mystery Spot.

State of Love and Trust/As I Busted Down the Pretext by cormallen (2010, 2.9k, M) When you know exactly what your brother's thinking, there are some chances you just don't take.

Quiet with the Rain by Linden (2014, 5.3k, T) Dean can spot an undercover cop at thirty paces, a hooker at twenty, and rims that will match his baby's at ten. But the fact that his little brother is in love with him—that, he can't see worth a damn.

have a cigar by deadlybride (2020, 5.6k, E) What happened with Andy and Ansem unsettles Sam. Dean doesn't seem worried.

Heart Shaped Balloon by winsive (2022, 18.5k, E, underage) Sam and Dad are fighting. No surprise, but it's the weekend before Valentine's Day and Dean isn't missing out on the chance to bang a cheerleader just to console his bratty little brother. He does bring back a heart shaped balloon for him, though. It's not supposed to be cursed.

Bare by gracerene (2022, 2.2k, T) Of all the things Dean hasn't done before, Sam never expected something as innocuous as skinny dipping to be on the list.

Speechless by candle_beck (2008, 11.2k, T, case fic) Dean loses his voice and their rapport is only moderately impaired.

Like It Was Yesterday by nomelon (2014, 4.9k, T, fem dean, amnesia) Sam can't remember a time when Dean wasn't there. Dean is always with him. Sam's whole life, there's never been anyone else.

Like a Ghost with Two Voices by Dyed_Red (2022, 46k, E) To cure Dean from the Mark of Cain, Sam has to let Dean, in all his demonic glory, possess him for 28 days. It goes about as well as expected.

Breathe You In (Choke You Down) by orphan_account (2021, 5.9k, E, pwp) Dean really likes the way Sam smells.

lost in yesterday by margaryes (2023, 1k, NR, john pov) John hasn’t seen his youngest son in 18 months.

Unraveling by Linden (2017, 855 words, E) No, he’d said, the first time Sammy had tried to kiss him, sixteen and half-drunk and stupidly beautiful, even though he’d wanted so badly to say yes.

pack up the moon by deathdreamt (2021, 5.9k, T, pre-slash) Sam storms back out from their room, his backpack on and his duffel hanging off his shoulder and isn’t it kind of tragic that his whole life fits in two bags. He looks suddenly much younger than he is, eyes shining. John is back at his guns, whiskey at his elbow, and Dean can hardly believe how rapidly his life is cracking down the centre.

Yesterday, minnesota by applecrumbledore (2022, 30k, E, case fic) Any initial awkwardness filtered away over a hundred miles of highway as Sam thumbed through the missing witch’s diary again. Some people had secret coke habits or secret second wives, and some people had passionate, pitch black, no-kissing sex with a family member every four to six months and never talked about it. You had to find ways to cope.

All Heartless Spectres, Happiness by orphan_account (2021, 5.6k, E) Lisa Braeden receives an email with the subject line, "You Deserve to Know." It contains a single video file and nothing else. (soulless sam)

The Palm Oasis by fictionallemons (2022, 12.3k, E, underage) John strands Dean and Sam at a middle-of-nowhere motel while he investigates possible demon omens in Arizona. The place is nothing to write home about, but at least it has a pool. Dean resolves to think of this as a vacation for him and his studious little brother, but when their money runs out sooner than expected, he considers turning tricks at a nearby truck stop so he can feed Sam.

Other Brothers by homo_pink (2020, 7k, M, underage, outsider pov) A callow boy can go from infancy to someone’s lover in the space of two wildflower summers.

Leader of the Pack by astolat (2007, 14.9k, E) Teaching old dogs new tricks.

Underground Wires by eggnogged (2012, 15.8k, E, fem sam, underage) It’s hard enough being a teenage girl even without all the extra crap: they move around all the time, her family is as far removed from normal as it’s possible to get, and she’s in love with her older brother. Sam has no control on any of it, she’s just trying to stay afloat.

Multitude of Sins by Linden (2015, 4.4k, T, outsider pov) Every now and again, Jim Murphy would look up from his altar and find the Winchester boys at the back of his church.

Like Arrows in the Hands of a Warrior by ADeedWithoutaName (2018, 10.3k, E, underage, dub con-ish, john pov) John Winchester loves his boys, and would take a bullet for either of them. He knows that he's doing it right, the way he's raising them, the things he's teaching them. Not every problem, however, has an easy answer. Like what to do after an incubus case in which their target got his pollen all over both of John's sons.

You Can't Lose What You Never Had by nigeltde (2016, 5.6k, E) You can't spend what you ain't got, and you can't lose what you ain't never had.

Flagstaff by Linden (2014, 7.3k, T, pre-slash, john pov) John tracked Sam down in Flagstaff, four days after he got home to find him gone.

I'll take my chance on a beautiful stranger by fleshflutter (2007, 3.8k, M, outsider pov) If Chase were a better friend, he might try to end the game now, before Brendan loses even more money. But if Brendan is a dick at Stanford, it’s nothing compared to how he is on break.

Cupid's Got A Gun by geckoholic (2012, 13.5k, E, non-con) Fuck-or-die, set in early S4. But they've been fucking for years, so that shouldn't be a problem, right? Wrong. Ever since hell, Dean's in no hurry to get that show on the road again.

Someone Else's Blood by sevenfists (2006, 6.7k, E) The first time, of course, was an accident. (pretend dating)

How Many Floors to Realize by lazy_daze (2009, 26k, E, swesson) AU from the end of It's A Terrible Life, in which Zachariah decides to keep stringing them along a little while longer, because damn if they aren't somewhat entertaining, right?

Worthless cartography by applecrumbledore (2022, 15.6k, E) Dean didn’t know what finally made him go for it. The djinn’s dream was a catalyst, but the call was coming from inside the house, and he’d been letting it ring for a very, very long time. (They get one night together right before Sam is taken to Cold Oak. Dean has to deal with that.)

The Space Between Sense and Memory by orphan_account (2021, 4.8k, T) There are a hundred unwritten rules on all the acceptable ways brothers should touch each other. There are hardly any ways at all to break them. Or; five times they follow the rules and one time they don’t.

Ions in the Ether by nigeltde (2019, 10.9k, E, case fic) When was the last time you trusted happy.

Crossed Wires by rivkat (2015, 10.9k, E) Dean thinks Sam is dead.

Crown and Anchor Me (or let me sail away) by Sena (2010, 23.7k, E, underage) Sam Winchester is fifteen years old, at yet another new high school in yet another state, he doesn't get along with his distant, distracted father, he's figuring out that he likes guys just as much as he likes girls, his clothes never fit and his limbs ache at the joint ever since his growth spurt started, he has to study for the PSAT and, oh yeah, he's a little bit in love with his brother, Dean, who's taken a break from hunting monsters to work at a local garage for minimum wage.

Wear Him Lika a Habit by sevenfists (2008, 2.2k, M) Their first kiss isn't an accident. It's anticipated well in advance, discussed for weeks, argued over, second-guessed.

Amor Prohibido by phoenixflight (2020, 3k, M, underage) They spent the spring of Sam's sophomore year living in a shitty apartment south of San Antonio. Every Friday night the clearest channel played three hour marathons of a Spanish soap called La Casa del Corazón. There was a mutually understood truce about watching it, because the alternatives were infomercials or creepy kids’ cartoons that futzed into static every fifteen seconds.

Open Road by Mollyamory (2010, 2k, T) Sam's old enough to know what's good for him.

It's the Blueprint of Your Life by queenklu (2011, 38.4k, time travel) Sam jerks awake in the middle of the night and everything goes to hell. Well, not literally, though Dean is staring down the barrel of less than a year before his deal comes due. In the midst of dealing (or not dealing) with his impending death, a killer ghost ship, and Bela showing up out of the blue, Dean also has to figure out what’s going on in Sam’s head to make him so twitchy, why he’s suddenly breezing through this case while writing endless notes in a notebook he won’t let Dean see.

North of Wednesday by Mollyamory (2008, 3.5k, G) Sam's behind the wheel before he realizes he doesn't have the keys. Coda to Mystery Spot.

non-wincest fic.

dean/omc. We Drank a Thousand Times by glorious_spoon (2010, 43k, M, warning: death) They meet in a bar fight in North Carolina when Dean is nineteen, broke, and desperate, then again when a hunt brings the Winchesters into town a few years later. Neither one of them ever puts a name to it but every once in a while, through the years, Dean finds his way back.

dean/cas: terror & desire intertwined by rupertgayes (2022, 39k, M) Faced with Castiel suffering a fate worse than death, Dean makes the decision to let Cas use his body as a temporary vessel. All things considered, Dean thinks, it could have gone worse.

gen, sam&dean: what lasts by deadlybride (2021, 17.2k, M) Not long after they move into the bunker, Dean loses a leg. Most of a leg. After the hospital, Sam brings him home, and they figure out how to live with what remains.

gen, dean-centric: To Repair Broken Men by procrastin8or951 (2015, 3.1k, T) Dad and Sam keep fighting. Dean can't fix his family, so he fixes things around the crappy apartment they are staying in.

dean/michael: our hour came round at last by orphan_account (2015, 1.8k, NR, pwp) "I want to be inside you," says Michael, low and velvet and hungry and that really shouldn't turn Dean on but it does.

dean/lucifer, dean/cas: exploratory by sp8ce (2022, 4.9k, E, non-con) One night, Castiel proposes he and Dean have sex. Except it's a little more complicated than that.

dean/cas: for a healthy heart by Askance (2013, 2.4k, T) A strange black box appears in Castiel's bedroom one afternoon.

gen, sam&dean: charmer & gentle by Askance (2015, 3.7k, G, outsider pov) The afternoon girl calls them Big and Tall, the strangers who come in late every now and then, buying this or that. The night girl doesn't think those names fit quite right.

dean/cas, past sam/dean: whose wings, though tattered, shall carry me home by fleshflutter (2009, 2.2k, T) There is a breeze moving across the field. It stirs the long grass in lapping waves like the sea. Castiel runs his fingertips through it and remembers flying.

#asks #fanfic #wincest #whatever it is #anon i have you to thank for getting me back into spn fic <3 i've been rereading some of these over the past few days #i was going to post this for ww yesterday but i fell asleep :( so here you go now sdfksdfh

[haveyouseenthisskeleton]

S/O is the owner of a cat Cafe. They let Skeleton order stuff and hang out with the 10+ kitties for free anytime.

Undertale Sans - It was fun and all until you came back in the dinner room and found no Sans, nor cats. After looking after him for half an hour, you see him curling up in one of the cat scratching posts, napping in a small ball, and cuddling with the cats. No cats is interesting in any of the customers, they just want to nap with the giant weird-looking skeleton cat.

Undertale Papyrus - He loves to help around the place! Even though he's not working here, most customers think he is because he's taking orders, feeding the kitties, and even doing the dishes. After all, he thinks it's fun. You feel bad he's doing all of this for free and end up making him the co-owner of the cafe.

Underswap Sans - He's not there often, but he's glad the place exists when he's stressed between two shifts at the police station, which is just in front of your cafe. He's there during all his breaks, just to vent and pet the kitties for a few minutes before going back to work.

Underswap Papyrus - He's banned from the Cafe, but that doesn't stop him. Being allergic to cat, staying around a lot of them can be dangerous for Honey. Unfortunately, Honey also loves cats and will do everything he can to sneak inside your Cafe to pet the kitties, sometimes with the craziest disguises. He can't hide for long though, first because he's not exactly small, and second because he starts sneezing non-stop after three minutes and he can't breathe, literally. You put a forbidden sign with his face on the door. So now, Honey stays behind the window, staring at you with sad puppy eyes, all day long until you accept to let him in.

Underfell Sans - Finally! Normal cats that are not trying to kill him! He's taking a break from Doomfanger in your cafe and he finally lets his cat-person side flourish. He actually loves playing with the kitties. And he also loves free food, so it's a winning-winning situation. For him, at least. For your money though...

Underfell Papyrus - The cats all come from the shelter he's working in and he's encouraging people to adopt them. He's glad it's working, and it gives him more time to stay around his S/O so he's very happy. The only problem is Doomfanger, who beats the shit out of you both every evening because you dared to cheat on her. Now you have a routine where you have to change clothes as fast as possible when you get home before Doomie comes to the door to inspect your pants. You can only enter the house if you smell normal.

Horrortale Sans - You stopped counting how many customers asked if they could see the cat purring so loud it makes the walls shake. They're all so confused when you point the big skeleton behind the counter, eating cupcakes with like five cats on his lap and shoulders, making tractor noises. Oak is hanging there all day long. There are food, cute cats, and you, that's all he needs, really. He's keeping himself occupied all day long, playing with the cats or bothering you while you're cooking to have a treat. Just another cat, really.

Horrortale Papyrus - He loves to hang out in your cafe to chat or to bring old people he's taking care of at the retirement house so they can do something else with their day than just watching boring TV games. He loves cats, it's no secret, and he even convinced you to adopt some of the cats from your own cafe because look at them. They're baby. He's a menace.

Swapfell Sans - He comes here when he wants to work in silence, far from his brother's antics. It's hard to resist telling him he looks like a super villain with his suit, old man glasses and distractedly petting a cat like he's plotting against the government. It's hot though. You are working with a nice sight and it could be far worse. You're even sad when he's not here.

Swapfell Papyrus - When you can't hear him, you know it's bad. Like that time he made all the cat's souls blue so they could catch flies on the ceiling. Or that time he puts sunglasses on every cat in the room or that time he made a pile of cats on the head of a kid, or that time he tried to stuff his hoodie with all the cats... Each day is something new. He can't behave, you swear. He never runs out of new ideas somehow.

Fellswap Gold Sans - He doesn't like cats so it's rare he comes. He really must be desperate to have your attention actually if he dares to walk in. You can see him sitting awkwardly in a corner, trying really hard to escape your cats that are somehow all attracted to him. If he finds cat hair on his clothes, he's burning them lol.

Fellswap Gold Papyrus - You made him a quiet corner in the cat restroom so he can hang out all day, paint, and have kitties to cuddle with. He's very happy and he's mostly there all day, sometimes randomly getting out of his room to hug you before going back away from the people to watch some Disney movie cuddling with the kitties. He's happy he gets to stay near you all day.

#undertale #underswap #underfell #horrortale #swapfell #fellswap gold #sans #papyrus #undertale ask blog #undertale asks #undertale imagines #undertale headcanons

[theodoresgirl]

I see you like dabi... Can you write something with dad dabi??

Dad!Dabi Headcanons

a/n: dabi as a dad, Personally a favorite. Never actually attempt to write it so here we go. lmk if you want more<33

warning: Some 'canon' parts and fan-canon. my personal opinion, delulu.

— —

★ — Dabi’s the kind of guy to first react negatively towards you saying you’re pregnant. He’s never imagined being a dad, His own pushed him down when he gained a “better” son. It would take some reassurance, Like telling him you believed he would be a great dad, and that he was nothing like his father. He would slowly be open to the idea of being part of the kids life.

★ — Dabi’s by your side whenever he can, between the LOV and planing his pay back to his own dad.

★ — Dabi’s holding your hair when you get sick, He’s bringing you food late at night on his recruitment patrols.

★ — He’ll even bust out his old hair braiding skills (he might be a little rusty at first) to keep it out of your face during hot flashes. he learned braiding with fuyumi’s hair when they were younger.

★ — Dabi keeps you and the baby a complete secret, To make sure he knew that if something happened to him. You and the baby wouldn’t be targeted

★ — Dabi would be terrified to touch your stomach, he isn’t normally a feel bad kind of guy but he didn't wanna accidentally hurt you or the baby. It takes some time before he can rest his hand on your belly or lay his head on it.

★ — He tries to attend at least a few doctor appointments, but he misses the birth because of his identity. He'd get really upset ith

★ — Some time after you have the baby, you and him would be sitting on the couch, The baby was sleeping and he lets slip he wants another one. “to give it a friend” lame excuse but hey, It works. He wouldn’t ask for another one but if you asked he wouldn’t say no.

★ — He first sees his daughter when you come home. He’s right there, He heard you talking outside the door and getting your keys.

★ — He was sitting in a chair at the island counter. Safe to say he’s been there for 3 hours waiting.

★ — For awhile he just sits on the couch while you hold her. He’d be scared, again. He didn’t wanna harm her.

★ — She looked exactly like him at her age. Red hair, teal eyes, a big smile.

★ — Sometimes you’d wake to go the bathroom and see a empty place next to to, and noise in the nursery. Dabi would be sitting in a rocking chair mumbling about who knows what while his little girl just slept on his chest. He’d never admit it though, if you brought it up he’d say you were really tired and hallucinated it. (you didn’t)

★ — His phone lock screen was of course his motorcycle, but his home-screen was a picture of you passed out with baby girl.

★ — Second pregnancy around he would probably be outed as toya, Depending on the outcome (we are gonna go the happy delulu root) he'd have contact with his sister, maybe even natsuo. You drag him out to lunch with his sister.

★ — He'd always have his arms around you, around your waist, on your hips and stomach.

★ — He'd definitely rubs the fact his family loves him to his dad, no doubt. He'd brag about how his daughter is always following him around, and his future partner is perfect and loves him for him.

★ — Dabi also definitely got your daughter to say dada first, Even though it took 2 years she finally said her first word. it would be when you went out with his siblings. He sends you a video of her sitting on the couch in one of those Ariel princess dresses. She clear as day she says 'dada'. He teases you about it a lot.

★ — At first you'll have to force him, but after awhile the only movies that are on the tv at all times was Disney & barbie. (His favorites are Barbie and the Magic of Pegasus & Robin hood)

★ — Dabi would lay down on the floor while his daughter played with his hair and feels his scars.

★ — Dabi also by now stopped using his quirk, which over time slowly his scars began to heal.

★ — He was present for your 2nd child, your sons birth. To say he teared up is a understatement. He stood by your side the whole time, he wasn't willing to miss it this time.

★ — Your son looked again, was a mini dabi, but white hair.

★ — When your daughters quirk forms its just like dabis, She ran into you and his room one morning giggling excitedly about having a cool quirk like her daddy. His face was pure fear, could her skin handle the heat? or was it like his?

★ — Dabi would watch when she'd use her quirk, to make sure she didn't get hurt, and she never did. That made dabi relieved.

#fanfic #dabi headcanons #dabi x reader #dabi #mha x reader #mha headcanons #toya todoroki #x reader #toya x reader #toya todoroki x reader #Toya headcanons

[starsurface]

I had an idea for an angsty one! Padded babyspace MK1 Liu getting homesick for his old timeline and missing Dada, while being ultra clingy to Rai Rai?

And maybe the cozy flip side of that, MK11 babyspace Liu being ultra clingy-cuddly and snuggly with Dada Raiden?

So sorry for how late this post is!!!

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

CG Raiden w/ Clingy Babyspace Liu Kang MK1 Hcs

🌩️ Sometimes Liu Kang gets really, and i mean really, bad memories of his old timeline

🌟 ^ These moments make him feel incredibly icky, physically and mentally

🌩️ He doesn’t wanna get up, he deosn’t want to do his Godly duties, he just wants to hang out with his Lao, or cuddle his Kitana, or show his Dada his new pretty picture, so he just kinda rots in bed, feeling too little and unwilling to getup and face the changes he made

🌟 Raiden’s the one to come check on him, since he had to personally train with Liu Kang for the Tournament and Liu didn’t show

🌩️ He wasn’t expecting to see Liu hiding in bed with his old monkey plush, face full of tears and deep in babyspace

🌟 This isn’t the first time Liu Kang’s had a bad memory that causes him to regress, but it’s definitely been the worst so far

🌩️ Normally he'll rush to Raiden (or Kung Lao, depends on the memory), trying to pretend that it's his Lord Raiden (which Raiden will softy, but very firmly, shoot down)

🌟 But right now, Liu’s tiny tiny, and even when Raiden tries to shoot him down, he’ll just shake his head and call him Dada on repeat, as if he’s wishing it was him instead

🌩️ It really breaks Raiden’s heart seeing him like this, so distraught and upset, knowing he can’t really do anything to help other than be there for him, and that he technically isn’t even the one that Liu Kang wants anyways

🌟 He’ll gently coax Liu Liu out of bed, getting him into a nice bath to help him feel less icky

🌩️ It does help!! Atleast a little bit. While he’s upset about having to put his monkey plushie away, the bubbles make him very happy (also helps him not as physically icky)

🌟 Raiden knows how deep Liu is in babyspace, and he’ll put him into some padding, which Liu doesn’t actually fuss too much about

🌩️ He’s more fussy about the fact that Raiden has to put him down and he can’t stay in Raiden’s arms while Raiden changes him into something soft

🌟 But afterwards Raiden will sit Liu on his lap and brush his hair and it makes Liu very happy and a bit sleepy

🌩️ Raiden is not allowed to do anything without Liu Kang

🌟 Liu Kang has to be attached to his hip at all times, or else he’ll start fussing again

🌩️ The two spend the rest of the time outside, surprisingly

🌟 Mostly because Liu Kang wants to play outside, like he use to with his old Dada, but also because outside makes him feel better

🌩️ He’ll also wear Raiden’s hat, mostly because it’s like his Dada’s hat!!

🌟 Raiden doesn’t mind his hat being stolen, but he’ll still try to remind Liu Kang that he isn’t his Lord Raiden, he’s just Raiden

🌩️ Which causes another storm of crying because Liu Kang knows it’s not his Dada, but still really misses him

🌟 He does know that trying to pretend that Raiden is his Dada isn’t healthy or okay either, and he can’t make Raiden be something he’s not, even if it wasn’t a fate he ever wished for

🌩️ Raiden’s very patient about it all though, like really patient, and he’ll just let Liu Kang cry and babble to him, he’s hard a hard enough day as it is, and clearly this is more of a not regressed conversation to have with him

🌟 They spend the rest of the day decorating Raiden’s hat with stickers!! Or one of his extras!!

🌩️ It sounds a bit funny, but Lord Raiden would never let Liu mess with his hat, and this Raiden really doesn’t mind as long at Liu’s having fun and giggling instead of sobbing his eyes out

🌟 The regret Lord Liu Kang has about the whole situation when he’s bigger isn’t very fun, but Raiden’s always been a patient person with him, so it does end all okay

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

CG Lord Raiden w/ Clingy Babyspace Liu Kang MK11 Hcs

⛈️ You thought you wouldn’t get more angst?

❤️‍🔥 WRONG! Think again! >:)

⛈️ You want to know a time that Liu Kang was ultra clingy-cuddle and snuggling with Lord Raiden?

❤️‍🔥 After the tournament

⛈️ During tornomant training

❤️‍🔥 When he was overworked and over stressed about having to win, about the aftermath of winning, where he was Champion and had all the pressure of being Champion

⛈️ It makes him tiny, small, and needing his Dada near him

❤️‍🔥 And Lord Raiden isn’t any better, he feels terrible for having Liu Kang slip so deep into babyspace because of his new training

⛈️ Or when Liu Kang starts having accidents from nightmares about the tornoment

❤️‍🔥 Okay I’ll be nice now-

⛈️ Liu Kang’s always on his best behavior around Raiden, especially while regressed (have you seen his face when he is with and without lord Raiden? He turns mishevious the moment he isn’t there)

❤️‍🔥 Liu Kang likes to show Lord Raiden all his pretty pictures, or the castle he just built, or anything that will get Lord Raiden to acknowledge and praise him 

⛈️ Not that Raiden doesn’t already praise him!! He just likes Dada’s attention (he’d probably be a bit of a tattle tail if it meant that Raiden was happy with him, especially if he’s littler)

❤️‍🔥 You know what gets Liu Kang out of trouble when Dada finds out he misbehaves? Puppy eyes

⛈️ Normally they don’t work at all, but Liu doesn’t like it when Raien’s mad at him, and that’s when he gets realyl cuddly with him (half to get out of trouble, the other half because he wants comfort)

❤️‍🔥 ^ This is mostly when he’s more ina a younger headspace, toddler Liu Kang has a bit more spite to him

⛈️ Baby Liu loves cuddles, especially Dada’s cuddles

❤️‍🔥 Raiden’s very tall, and he’s had a habit of making a lot of regressors feel small by his hugs

⛈️ Is Lord Raiden good at cuddles? . . . It’s like hugging a brick at times

❤️‍🔥 But that’s okay!! It just means that Liu can just cling to him and hang off him like a monkey!!

⛈️ Raiden would never admit it, but he also adores Liu Kang’s cuddles (he’s like a personal heater)

❤️‍🔥 Sometimes if Liu’s feeling really clingy but Raiden has important Godly work, he’ll let himwear his hat!!

⛈️ Liu Kang loves wearing Raiden’s hat!! He’s just like Dada now!!

❤️‍🔥 Although if Liu Kang can . . . he might follow Raiden to wherever he has to go do important big kid work (maybe he can color in the corner . . . or Raiden can just skip the entire event!! :D)

⛈️ Clingy Liu’s hard to get off Raiden, especially if everyone else is busy or Liu just really wants his Dada

❤️‍🔥 Raiden’s not against having Liu Kang come with him, but he does find it quite entertaining when Liu Kang ‘secretly’ (very loudly and giggly) follows him to his next meeting

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

I dunno why but I was struggling writing this one. Hope you guys enjoyed it though!! :D

#age regression #sfw age regression #agere #sfw agere #mortal kombat agere #mk agere #age regression headcanons #mk1 #mk1 headcanons #mortal kombat 1 headcanons #mk11 #mk11 headcanons #mortal kombat 11 headcanons #mortal kombat 11 #mortal kombat #raiden #lord raiden #mk raiden #raiden mk #mk1 raiden #mk11 raiden #liu kang #mk liu kang #liu kang mk #mk1 liu kang #mk11 liu kang #lord liu kang #little liu kang #regressor liu kang #cg raiden

[stilljuststardust]

Sup, me again! This is less

If a question and more just a life situation.

So a few days ago I wanted to manifest something, and I affirmed and affirmed and tried so hard to make myself believe and change my thinking and tried robotic affirming and all this stuff- but it didn’t happen.

How am I supposed to trust this if no matter how hard I try to have no chances and just be “X thing will happen at Y time/when Y happens”but then it doesn’t.

You get what I’m saying?

Hi Parrot! I know its so frustrating to feel like this and I hope that this helps.

You aren't placing trust in anything but yourself. I know that's hard to hear but its the truth. What you decide is real is infinitely more real than anything that happens in the physical world. Put the power in yourself and nothing else, trust yourself above all. I know that doesn't magically erase the fear and frustration. We're raised to distrust ourselves and rewarded for negative self concepts and punished for "vanity". It can be scary to realize that there is nothing to trust in because its all you. I know how bad it feels to try and try and try and feel as if you're getting nowhere, but that's when its the most important to keep going. Sometimes when creating new thoughts and assumptions old thoughts come to the surface. Similar how some peoples skin has a "purge period" some people experience this with their thoughts and with some cases, their 3D. This isn't universal but if it happens to you please know its normal and you're not doing anything wrong. If you're burnout take a break. Manifestation is not going anywhere. When I feel like shit, when I doubt myself or have a rough day, I cry as much as I want to take a hot shower and sleep. Giving yourself permission to let it all go for awhile can be rejuvenating.

Robotic affirmations

When was less familiar with manifestation I was also very frustrated with robotic affirmations. Like you, I tried to force myself to believe everything as I said it. I would get frustrated with the lack of movement but also with how exhausting it was to constantly fight with myself. So what changed? A couple things actually. The most important thing I realized was that pouring all of my focus into how I felt as I was affirming was counterproductive. All it did was affirm my persisting limiting beliefs because, in my mind, I had some special case of resistance that was unconquerable. Resistance doesn't matter unless you think it does.

Robotic affirmations don't require belief or feeling or anything. They don't require any force so stop applying it. It's called robotic affirmations because the one and only component is repetition.

I realized that the most important time to persist is when it "isn't working" Guess what, there is no failure. There is no deadlines. So it didn't happen by the end of the day, keep persisting anyway. You can always just revise that it happened then. Its only over if you say its over. When I'm robotic affirming I try to leave it alone, I try to operate under the assumption that my affirmation took care of it already. We decide what is and isn't true and if I decide that its good enough, it is.

Have a nap, watch some tv and start again when you're ready.

#loa tumblr #loa blog #loa advice #loa manifesting #loass #loablr #loassblog #loassumption #loa success #loas tumblr #loa #affirm and persist

[luizd3ad]

Every Step Of The Way | Regulus Black x Reader

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 ࣪˖⤷ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ ࣪ ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 ˖ ⤷

Pairing: Regulus Black x GN!Reader WC: 1,213 TW: heavy talks of depression, depressive episode, depressed reader, self invalidation, no use of Y/N. Author's Note: I've been having a hard time lately and I just needed a comfort fic, this is purely based off my own experience with depression and how I feel when I'm in a depressive episode. If you don't feel like me that's okay, mental health is different for everyone! Just remember you're so valid and so loved <3. Summary: You're just having a hard time but Regulus is always there for you.

⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹

At some point your mind wasn't supposed to be your enemy anymore right? At some point the ‘teen angst’ was supposed to go away and you were supposed to be an adult with relatively healthy mental health right?

The crippling depression and anxiety was supposed to go away with puberty. At least that's what you'd been told, that things would get better and your mind wouldn't mess with you as much.That was what was supposed to happen, but when do things ever go as planned?

The only difference between now and your teen years was that you recognized the symptoms faster, you understood what was coming before it was fully there. Now every so often you can catch it, do things to make the bad thoughts go away or lessen, then other times… you would feel paralyzed.

The numbness would consume you, invite you in like an old friend, along with the loss of appeal to do anything. You didn't want to eat, drink, read, or listen to music. 

You didn't want to do anything and sometimes without even realizing you would spent the whole day looking into nothingness. 

Regulus would notice the mood change almost immediately. He would pick up on the sign and the overall change in your personality.

Not only would he notice because he was hyper aware of the behavioral changes around him (thank you Walburga. Sarcasm) but also because he dealt with the same feelings. 

The emptiness and numbness of it all, it wasn't until Pandora explained it to him that he learned that those feelings were not exactly ‘normal’. 

It was normal to be sad, to have a depressive episode here and there especially following a tragedy but it was the consistency that wasn't normal.

The feeling of emptiness that always felt like a shadow following you, the feeling of being the happiest you've ever been but still feeling that emptiness in the back of your head.

It was one of the things you both shared. Sometimes it wasn't a good thing. When both of you were in that state of mind it was hard to help each other, to be there for each other.

How could you stop someone from drowning if you're drowning yourself? 

But other times it was a good thing. You knew each other's signs, you two could pick up on the signs before the other person even realized that they were slipping, sometimes. It gave you time to either try and stop it before it went too far or just get prepared. 

This was one of those times Regulus knew he needed to prepare. 

He had seen you starting to detach for about a day now. Regulus knew this was going to be one of those episodes he couldn't stop, the kind where you were there physically but not mentally.

You just were floating through your days, you were on auto pilot almost the whole day; you weren't really listening, hardly responded and if you did it was short.

Regulus preparing for this meant doing a few things, taking a few days off work, letting Sirius, Pandora and Barty know that he wouldn't be really available so that he could focus solely on you. Making sure your favorite foods were home and ready to encourage you to eat, having some of your favorite movies, books, everything and anything accessible in case you were in the mood to do anything or if you just wanted to try and distract yourself for a while.

It also meant mentally preparing himself to be understanding and patient since it wasn't exactly his strong suit but he'd do anything for you. 

When an episode fully hits it isn't always you wake up and start to feel depressed. Sometimes you would be fine most of the day and then suddenly you were hit with a wave of nothingness.

Most of the time nothing would trigger it, nothing would happen, your brain would just decide that it was time to be sad, to be numb, you guessed.

“Mon Amore, would you like to eat something? You can have anything you want.” Regulus touched the side of your face and brought you out of your head. You just shook your head not really looking at him. “No, thank you.” You whisper.

He just nodded and sat next to you. He knew when to pick his battles and since you ate that morning he knew this shouldn't be the hill he dies on. 

The rest of the night was spent mostly silence with a few words exchanged here and there, Regulus was there ready and willing to do whatever you needed him to do to make you feel better.

He got you to eat a little eventually and you shared a shower with him. He had helped you wash yourself since you didn't have any motivation or energy to do so. 

By the end of the night you were both cuddled up in bed while Regulus ran his hand up and down your back just to let you know he was there.

He liked when you knew he was there, he felt like it helped even just a little, especially to make you feel a little less alone.

Eventually you broke the silence with a sight. “I'm sorry.” You felt regulus's hand stop moving, he stayed silent for a moment.

“Why are you apologizing? You haven't done anything.” By the sound of his voice you knew he was frowning, he knew exactly why you were apologizing but a part of him was hoping, praying, that he was wrong.

“For being this way. You shouldn't have to deal with this. We're not kids anymore, I should be over these feelings by now.”

Regulus sat up, making you sit up in the process, reaching over to the lamp on the bedside table turning the light on. “Do you choose to feel this way? Do you make the conscious decision to feel like this?” Regulus was looking you in the eyes with raised eyebrows waiting for a response.

“Not necessarily, but-”

“Exactly, you don't. You can't control your emotions. You didn't ask to feel this way nor do you choose to. There's no point in apologizing for something that you have no control over. Your brain is amazing and beautiful but sometimes it isn't the nicest to you and that's okay. Do you know why? Because even if your brain is mean sometimes it still makes you who you are and you're so amazing, mon cœur. We’ll take care of this together like we always do. It's going to be hard sometimes but it is not impossible, and I'll always be here with you every step of the way, because I love you more than anything, tu es ma raison de vivre, mon amour.”

Regulus cupped your cheek and whipped a few tears you didn't know you had shedded. All you could do was whisper a ‘thank you’ as you threw yourself in his arms. 

You fell asleep that night in Regulus’s arms while he whispered sweet nothing to you.

You weren't better by any means but you felt loved, you felt understood. You knew that no matter how hard things got, Regulus would be there for you, every step of the way.

⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹

#regulus black #regulus arcturus black #regulus black x reader #regulus x reader #rab #rab x reader #marauders #harry potter #hogwarts #the marauders #hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry #barty crouch jr #remus lupin #sirius black #evan rosier #james potter #peter pettigrew #pandora rosier #x reader #regulus black x you #the most ancient and noble house of black #marauders era #marauders fanfiction #regulus black fanfiction #comfort fic #regulus and sirius #sirius and regulus #the black brothers #fanfic #marauders fandom

[hadakzu]

Thinking of Hawks having two pairs of his hero uniform. One in case the old one got damaged in fights or when needing to wash the other one.

Thinking how you'd steal it when he was gone at patrol outside, wearing it felt so comfortable, like a safe hug when he wasn't around. Warming your body as you would lay it over yourself like a soft blanket. The fluff of it reminding how you'd feel it against your cheek, when hugging him before leaving to work or after he got home.

It still smelled like him, probably one of the biggest reason why you always found yourself at his wardrobe whenever you missed him, or needed to ground yourself. You couldn't help yourself.

It's not like he would mind, he found it actually adorable. He will never forget the swell in his chest, when he saw you sleeping on the couch waiting for him, wearing his pants, and his jacket hiding the rest of your upper body. His clothes, his jacket. Honestly in that moment Keigo swears he fell for you even harder, you were so cute. He suddenly felt a bit possessive over you, not in a obsessive or a bad way. But for the first time he felt like he owed something in his life, seeing you in his clothes. Seeing you find comfort specifically from him, it did something to his brain. (He knew he didn't actually owe you, but it felt a bit like that.) He swore to not let go of you, he didn't understand how he got to be so lucky to have you in his life. He only knew he'd do his everything to not let that go, to not let the two of you go. No one had ever made him feel this content, make him feel this warm feeling in his chest, spreading to all over his body every moment spend with you.

After that he would change between using his different jackets more often. So you could smell more of his significant fragrance whenever he wasn't around, he thought of you wearing it when he was out on patrol. Always slightly cursing to himself if the jacket got damaged, knowing it would need to be fixed or replaced meaning you couldn't hold on to it for a while.

In those moments he made sure to leave some of his others clothes more visible for you to grab. One of his shirt or the comfortable hoodies he had, the ones you loved the most.

Sometimes he'd softly laugh, seeing you steal and replace the jacket to the one he had wore earlier that day, it just smelled more like him. He didn't say anything about it. Or well.. He might have teased you a little bit about it every now and then. Complimenting how good it looked on you, how you looked just so fucking cute, he wanted to bite your neck, he was sure his heart was about to burst someday. Kissing you more passionately and all over your face, seeing you in his jacket really did something to him he coulnd't explain. Making him want to hold you more close to his heart, head over your hair feeling bit protective of you, wanting to make sure you'd stay happy and safe. He would do anything to make sure you were happy, to know how much he loved you, how much you meant for him.

He usually didn't want to bring all of his work back to home, or be reminded of his hero self when being alone with you. He just wanted to be Keigo, to be himself with you. To be yours. Maybe that's why he didn't mind, seeing you wear his jacket like it was your own, how you felt so close to him, meaning you wanted to be surrounded by him, you wanted him in his life.

Suddenly his uniform didn't feel just 'Hawks', it felt more like home to himself too, like it also belonged to Keigo. Reminding him how he was able to make you feel safe, not because he was a hero, but because he was him. You found a home in him, you loved all of him, not just what the jacket used to represents to himself. A pro hero meant to always stay strong, saving others and sacrificing himself for the greater good.

You managed to make him feel more human, just a normal guy, someone also deserving of love and affection without the twist of him just being used.

His jacket didn't represent that to you, not in a way it had for him for years at least. Sure you found safety in it, and felt comfort from it, but it was about so much more. It wasn't just about 'Hawks being there to save you' it was just the reminder of him itself, how you'd often bury your face in the fabric while hugging him tight. Sometimes carefully helping him to get it off, or helping him to put it on, pulling up the zipper at the back. The ones helping him to put it on with his wings, he could do it himself, but you looked so happy to be at help, kissing him afterwards to tell him to stay safe and have a good day. Telling you were here waiting for him when he'd get back. Finally he'd have someone to answer in return, when he'd call from the door that he was back at home at the end of every day. At actually home.

The jacket held so many precious memories, something you'd think to yourself when he was gone. It was a reminder of him. And the thought of him wearing the same jacket out there was kinda sweet and funny to you. Wondering what he was thinking at the moment. Was he safe? Did he remember to eat? Did he know you were wearing his other jacket too? Matching him like the feathered necklace he had given you.

You loved his jacket a lot, almost as much as you loved him, but still, nothing was as good as the real thing.

Keigo didn't mind, he'd sacrifice his jacket for you any day or night, if only he knew it was making you feel safe and cared, when he was away at work. It actually eased his mind, feeling a bit like you had something looking after you when he wasn't around.

You were so fucking cute.

#hawks x reader #I wrote this last night while wearing 'his jacket' as a blanket lmaoo I love it so fucking much #best thing I have ever bought #hawks x reader fluff #keigo takami x reader #keigo takami #hawks #hawks fluff #hawks x gn! reader #keigo takami fluff #mha x reader #keigo fluff #keigo x readers

[whatthefuckisasweep]

RvB: Restoration Thoughts

i don't hate restoration, it's honestly pretty alright for what RT was dealing with, but there is one thing that confuddles me the most: the characters "getting what they want"

I understand RT was trying to tie up the loose ends of the characters - everything kind of comes to this perfect standstill of an ending. yet, to me, it makes no sense.

the point of red vs blue was friendship and growth of the characters within the framework of church's story. the end that makes sense involves seeing all of them after they have come together through thick and thin. I know that wasn't possible given the alotted amount of time, but something doesn't sit right with just... giving the characters what they wanted in the first place.

because, here's the thing: it's not even what they want anymore. i would have much rather seen them realize what they wanted was not what they needed.

sarge dying isn't that horrible to me. i liked what he told grif and simmons, it was just so out of nowhere. i think it would have been better for sarge to try to sacrifice but have grif and simmons stop him and almost die because of it - kind of like s8. something like that, but he realizes through grif and simmons being a leader isn't about winning, but more keeping the morale of his men. and that grif saving him so many times is a testament to how well he does as a leader. i like people saying sarge should retire. i don't know how'd they'd get there, but i like it. just be like. "you know what, boys? I'm... done with this" at the end and they're like "WHAT?" and sarge is like, "heh. don't act too damn shocked, now." and then make a joke about his age or somethng lmfao.

grif wanted to be "discharged". i would have loved to see him just... stay working with the guys given the choice to leave freely. and not just because there is a mission, or "for old time's sake". nah, because he loves them. of course, he wouldn't say that out loud. but i wanted to see grif charge headfirst into danger, like he had in s16 and so many times before, and have it BE for church and caboose. i love his little message to caboose at the end for that.

simmons who got to "be a leader"... this one i don't have as much qualms with, but i still feel like simmons could have realized what he needed wasn't to be a leader, but to have others believe in him. sarge telling him that he's proud should have still happened imo, but simmons could have turned down being a leader and offered it to Lopez or donut or something, it would have shown how much he grew. Not only that, but i imagine he would say something like "what, and leave grif unattended while i corral all you guys? no way." all snootily. could be a great to diss grif while everyone's in shock

donut honestly got a great arc in s17, so i'm kind of OK without him. but i LOVE him so like. simmons promotes him to the leader, as kind of a callback to that time they did the sarge, lopez, simmons competition in s3. that way he can still kind of be an admiral. :) and he's not a rookie anymore. and he holds like little fairs on Chorus where they do ring toss or something to do with throwing haha

lopez being donut's second in command would be HILARIOUS. like lopez i think could have had more. he's so underappreciated, and having him be like some kind authority figure would be so warranted. especially with donut's bad spanish skills. oh my god.

doc was SO slandered. i know he wanted to go out HELPING people but i think the whole thing about DOC WAS THAT HIS WHOLE THING WAS NOT ABOUT HELPING OTHERS BUT BEING FORGOTTEN AND CAST ASIDE. i think doc should get recognition and eventually be a bad doctor (still) at General Doyle's hospital, where him and omalley work at the mental health ward (sometimes successfully and sometimes unsucessfully due to omalley). or maybe he could come in at a moment where they're at the lowest to save the day. i would have loved a highlighted doc moment. if he had to die, at least do it ON SCREEN so he gets the recognition.

church & tex ... their end was pretty alright, i don't have that much to say. I think them dying like that was good, knowing that their friends loved them and that caboose was the one to restore everything to peace. i think that was the right choice and what they needed.

caboose was pretty ace in this, he was the only one that i was like. i don't really have much to say. i would have maybe put more caboose washington moments, considering they were the only two active blues left. and maybe more caboose church moments, just to have church say he's his best friend one last time.

tucker got SO sleighted. bro got like 4 lines of dialogue. and one of them was being tortured for 10 YEARS like are you kidding? i think tucker being the Great Destroyer was one of the best things that they called back to, i wish they did something for tucker about him settlin down and wanting to be a better father for junior, and more scenes with church and tucker. the chorus fight they had.... i would havevloved to see them argue about just LEAVING the blues like that.

wash and lina didn't got much, but i did like wash being in hospital and needing to let go of the freelancers. i wish that lina and him could have had that scene together in hospital. i wish the blues were more invovled with that. i think what wash needed was family; and to see more of that would have felt more satisfying.

anyways, that's my scrambled thoughts on the whole thing after thinking on it a little longer. it doesn't really matter, because based on epsilon's recap, it oculd have all been a simulation anyways, but, :P yeah

#red vs blue #rvb #rvb19 #rvb restoration #rvb19 spoilers #rvb restoration spoilers #my thoughts #long post

[uncanny-tranny]

It's not uncommon at all to miss your abuse, to miss disordered behaviours, or miss when you were at your worst.

It's understandable why you might feel like you have no clue what to do - recovery is an uncertainty. It is unfamiliar, it is scary. It's okay to long for the stability of those dark parts of your story. You aren't a bad person, you aren't ungrateful, nor are those feelings proof that you cannot recover.

You still deserve to recover, however that looks for you. You don't need to run from yourself, you are not a net negative.

#recovery #mental health #mental health advocacy #abuse tw #abuse mention tw #having nostalgia for abuse/poor mental health is something people don't mention a lot #people expect you to run away from those feelings and embrace the holy light of recovery and joy #but that's unrealistic #i have so many nostalgic feelings for those points in my abuse and that's *common* #i remember watching somebody on youtube talk about them missing the 'bad old days' of their disordered eating #and it's like... that is how it feels. the bad old days are sometimes so overwhelmingly tempting #and we cannot shut that part away and pretend it doesn't (or rather can't) exist

[pansyfemme]

im having anxiety so bad right now that im overwhelmed by noise but quiet is making me so paranoid i cant not have my headphones in

#ive been venting on tumblr since day one of this account but this feels different now #i dont know where to go sometimes i dont want to wake up friends or therapists or parents or even really talk one on one #i just want to speak and people to read it i guess #but ive become really obsessive about being a bad person and its ruining my life lately #there was an incident at home that made me go back into this old thought process i have #and the roomate struggles have made it worse #i feel needy and constantly needing attention and validation and it makes me sick #i want to tell people i love them constantly because i need to but then i convince myself thats also bad that must be manipulation #everytime i dislike someone they must know it and hate me and find me disgusting #im like so tired of obsessions #of not being able to hear words i cant make out without becoming obsessive about how people must be talking about me #and i hate the aftershocks of shame of assuming im even important enough to be talked about #vent tw