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missdawnandherdusk · 4 years

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I Will Rise

Hufflepuff!Reader X Draco

You can take everything I have

You can break everything I am

Like I'm made of glass

Like I'm made of paper

Go on and try to tear me down

I will be rising from the ground

Chapter 1 Chapter 2

Chapter 3 Chapter 4

Chapter 5 Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Summary: With the next winter holiday things get to their lowest point. But rock bottom is always the place to start building up.

A/N: So this was supposed to be super angsty with no end in sight but ya know, I changed my mind. This is angsty don’t get me wrong, but this is also where choices are made and people are changed for the better or worse. Sidenote: I just ended a four year relationship yesterday and ya know. I’m great. Anyway. Love yall!! Let me know that you think as always!!

Draco and I stood at the Manor gates. Dark clouds rolled in, suffocating us. They threatened with snow, ice, and fury.

“It’s the Dark Magic,” Draco noted, his voice seemingly indifferent, taking my hand.

I nodded, sighing. Something was to be said about missing sunny days and warmth. Even in the dead of winter, this chill sat differently on our shoulders. Winter promised spring... this artic promised nothing but death.

Inside and unpacked, Draco and I shared a bit of tea in front of a warm fire. He was reading The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe aloud, and despite my adoration of the book, I couldn’t seem to lose myself in the words as I once had. Even with the silkiness of Draco’s voice. I now had a deeper understanding for Narnians before the events of the book. An endless winter with only a small gossamer of hope to cling too.

“Wrong will be right, when Aslan comes in sight,

At the sound of his roar, sorrows will be no more,

When he bares his teeth, winter meets its death,

And when he shakes his mane, we shall have spring again.”

The words mocked me. Draco seemed to pick up on my disinterest.

“Don’t tell me you don’t prefer the book any longer?” There was a soft teasing smile on his lips as he closed the book, setting it on his lap. It was the one I had given him almost a year ago.

“No, I do,” It was a sad sigh. “I just... do you think someone is out there for us? An Aslan to come and save us?” I hugged my knees.

“Well, you know as well as I do,” He took the same book and flipped further back before settling on a page that seemed to satisfy him.

"Dearest," said Aslan very gently, "you and your brother will never come back to Narnia."

"Oh, Aslan!!" said Edmund and Lucy both together in despairing voices.

"You are too old, children," said Aslan, "and you must begin to come close to your own world now."

"It isn't Narnia, you know," sobbed Lucy. "It's you. We shan't meet you there. And how can we live, never meeting you?"

"But you shall meet me, dear one," said Aslan. "Are — are you there too, Sir?" said Edmund.

"I am," said Aslan. "But there I have another name. You must learn to know me by that name. This was the very reason why you were brought to Narnia, that by knowing me here for a little, you may know me better there."

A smile brushed my lips as he closed the book again.

“But do you think that was meant for us?” I laid my head on his shoulder.

“I think that it was meant to give hope,” Draco decided after a quiet moment, “Aslan, by any other name, would still be something to believe in,”

“Unless that name happens to be Harry Potter,” I chuckled, drawing a laugh from Draco. “And have you been reading my Shakespeare?”

“Maybe a bit,” A smile toyed at his lips.

“Romeo and Juliet though?” I rolled my eyes. “I told you, it wasn’t a good story to read presently,”

“I think you also told me that it was worth keeping the books that didn’t have a happy ending,” Draco set the book on the coffee table and pulled me into his hold.

“Do you think we’ll have one?” I asked softly. “A happy ending?” His face was hard to read as his eyes fixed on the burning fire.

“How can we with what we’re going to do?” The words echoed in my thoughts as we both sobered.

The plea for him to not do what he was asked of came rushing to my lips, but I held them there. I wouldn’t tell him. I had decided on that long ago. This was the one choice that he needed to figure out how to make on his own. I was torn myself. I wanted to tell him to stop, to help him make this choice, but I couldn’t. I didn’t know how to. But I could stay beside him... I prayed that it would be enough for him.

Even with the holiday upon us, the air was void of excitement and magic. The Manor was decorated immaculately even still. Tears stung my eyes, when thinking that this was the first Christmas I ever had without my mother, without baking or cooking or the music or movies. There was nothing to do in the kitchen with the house elves working and practically shoving me out of the room. There was nothing to clean. Nothing to tidy or move... It felt unnatural. Draco pulled me into his arms, giving me the comfort that I craved so desperately.

“Your mother is arriving soon,” He murmured softly. “Are you going to be alright?”

“I think so... we’ve been civil through writing. How bad could this possibly be?” My words were cynical but hopeful still. “Besides... at least it won’t be just the four of us. By comparison my mother will be a delight,”

“Bellatrix has agreed to be civil, and Snape always comes for Christmas. Or has before the last couple years at least. He’s my godfather, you know. He and my father were close when they were young,” Draco’s voice was strained. “But I suppose they will all be needles in a haystack,”

“It was right to invite the rest of...” I trailed off. “They’re alone too,”

“Always the Hufflepuff, are we?” He mused softly.

I hummed in acknowledgement. I was still wary about Bellatrix attending supper. Too many things had the chance of going poorly.

“You know we have to do this,” He read my thoughts.

“The perfect children. The perfect couple. The perfect soldiers.” I sighed. “What I wouldn’t give to go back to that night at the Ball. Or the month after...”

“It’s ironic,” Draco chuckled darkly. “That we now know ignorance is bliss,” I nodded at the doorbell chimed throughout the house.

“Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be,”

It was something quite different dining with just the Slytherins and dining with their parents as well. It wasn’t just I and Draco who were playing perfect children, but all of my friends, everyone I knew. All sapped of joy, of smiles, expression... under the scrutiny of their parents. Blaise, Vincent, Greg, Theo, and Pansy.

“How has schooling been?” My mother tried asking as the first course was served.

“Well—”

“Ugh,” Bellatrix scoffed. “Who can learn anything with that daft old fool as headmaster?”

“Bellatrix,” Narcissa warned gently.

“Yes, yes. Civil. As you wish,” She rolled her eyes and slouched, digging into what I assumed was quail.

Draco and I shared a look. Attempts for conversations halted after that.

Dinner passed and I barely tasted any of the surely rich foods that were placed before me. After the awkward affair, my mother asked to speak with me in private. Draco, Narcissa, and oddly enough, Snape eyed me warily.

“Of course,” I gave Draco one last look. He looked as if he were ready to pick me up and make a run for it, but he refrained.

I led her to the small rose garden that Draco had once led me to. It seemed sacrilegious to tread upon this secret haven, but it was a place that gave me comfort. Though it was covered in snow and the trees and bushes were bare, I still remembered the summer warmth the garden offered.

“You have surrounded yourself with quite a group people my dear,” Her voice strained out the words. “And that dress is lovely,”

“A gift from Narcissa,” A tight smile touched my lips.

“So, you’ve replaced me then?”

I turned, frowning at my mother.

“You really think that?” I was baffled.

“Well look at you! New dress, new shoes, new friends! You’re living and dining with a bunch of Death Eaters for Merlin’s sake!”

“Yes, because I had so much of a choice to abandon the people I love and come home and live with my mother who lied to me for fifteen years and manipulated me!” I watched as my sharp words silenced her.

“You could have come home any time,” It was a quiet notion.

“No, I couldn’t have,” I wrapped my arms around myself and took a deep breath. “I’m going inside,”

“Please, dear. It is Christmas,”

“Yes,” I turned to face her. “And I’d rather be inside with Draco, if you can understand that.”

“Draco,” It was nearly a sneer. “I have heard... rumors about him.”

“I really don’t think you have any right to say a word,” I said, my tone as ice.

“You’re blind. Your own love blinds you to who he really is. You’re going to get hurt,” There was an air of concern in her voice.

“No! I’ve spent years of my life terrified of letting people in because you’ve got it so deeply ingrained in me that I might get hurt! Well you were wrong about the world! And you were wrong about me!” I stalked up to her. “I have done things that you will never know! That you will never understand! I’m living through a war for god’s sake mom! And you’re here yelling at me about who I’m dating!?” I took a small step back, shaking my head. “This was a mistake...”

“Y/n, wait, please, you have to understand—”

“No mom! You... you don’t get to just waltz in here and ask me to understand! I don’t have to understand, and you really don’t get to give a damn after all you put me through! Don’t you think I want to have my mother here for me!? That it doesn’t kill me inside because I’ve never felt so alone in my life!? That everything I’ve known has been pulled from under me and while I’m trying to set myself somewhere new you just criticize me!? No! You just...”

“And what would your father say?”

I gaped at her, enraged.

“How dare you!?” I annunciated each word. “Dad would be damn proud of me! And he never would have let you do what you did to me! I am supposed to be your daughter! But I’m done.”

Without another word I stalked up to the house and inside, fuming. Draco caught me at the door, but I shrugged him off.

“Love,”

“No,” I snapped. “I need to cool down, just...” Wordlessly I headed upstairs before collapsing behind a random locked door, sobbing.

After a while, when my tears had subsided and my frame only shook minimally, I pulled myself up off the ground and stumbled over to a vanity. It must have been a guest room that I found myself in.

The girl looking back was a mess. Tear tracks stained with mascara ran down her cheeks and red lipstick was smudged out of place. Her hair was hanging haphazardly and out of order. Her eyes were red and puffy, and her lips etched into a permanent grimace.

There was a knock at the door.

“Go away, Draco,” I sniveled.

“Do I look like that blond-haired prat to you?” The door clicked closed softly as I saw Pansy’s reflection in the mirror.

“Pansy, please... I—”

“You don’t have to tell me anything. I’m not here to console you, not particularly,” She came up beside me and leaned against the vanity. “Everything’s really fucked up, huh?” Her voice was depressed as she looked down.

“That doesn’t even begin to describe it,” I muttered.

“You know, I can’t tell my parents about Abby at all,” Her confession was small and weak. “She’s not a pureblood, and well, they’re not as accepting as her parents are about our relationship...”

I looked up at her, my eyebrows furrowed, trying to figure out why she was telling me this now.

“We haven’t spoken all holiday,” This wasn’t the strong confident Pansy I was used to seeing, but rather a broken scared teenager. “She’s mad at me because I won’t tell my parents about her, and I... I can’t do it. I’m a coward,”

I let out a hopeless laugh and smiled at her.

“I just told my mother off and now I really think I’ve been disowned,” A dry humor coated my voice. “And I’m in love with the son of the man who killed my father,”

“Well shit girl,” Pansy laughed. “You make my problems seem so trivial,”

“Not my intention,” A smile met my lips. “And I’m really sorry about you and Abby... not saying that it’s anywhere near the same... but I’m aware of what it’s like to be scrutinized for my choice in partner.”

Pansy nodded and a silence fell between us.

“You’re going to run yourself thin, Y/n. Trying to be everything for everyone.” Her voice returned to its somber mood.

“I think I’ve past that point,” I muttered darkly.

“Then tell me, little Hufflepuff, who are you going to be?” There was a slight challenge in her eyes. “You don’t have parents watching over your every move, you don’t have the constant expectations.”

“I can’t just—”

“And why not?” She shot back.

“Because I have to protect Draco,” I breathed out. “Play the part and get through this,”

She eyed me; eyebrow raised but said nothing. “If that’s what you think,” She mused.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I shot back.

“Well, the girl I met a couple years ago would stop at nothing to be herself even if it meant being teased and bullied by a couple Slytherins. The same girl who cut off all her hair and started to fight back. I just wondered what changed.”

I opened my mouth to refute her point but refrained. A lot had changed. Draco was a Death Eater now. We had a trial to get through alive or we would both die. I had to somehow manage not to get killed by his aunt preferably. I still had to pass my bloody N.E.W.T.s as if the rest wasn’t enough.

“Tell me, or don’t. But I care about Abby and Draco a lot. And now I’ve got this kid sister under my wing and I don’t want to see her drive herself into the ground like I have. This war is shit, but you... Y/n, you’re someone to believe in.”

I tutted out a laugh. “I’m a mess. Please don’t believe in me,”

“But that’s what makes you so valuable to all of us. Blaise, Theo, Vin, and Greg too. You gave us all a second chance. It doesn’t take much to lay down your life for a good man, but to forgive a bunch of villains?”

“You’re not villains,” I refuted.

“See, that there. That’s why we believe in you.” Pansy smiled. “Even through it all, you still are kind and believe in us,” She tucked my hair behind my ear. “Now let’s get you cleaned up, because I’m sure Draco is on the verge of breaking in here himself,”

I laughed and pulled her into a hug.

“Thanks Pans,”

_____________________________________

Draco paced outside the door as he heard your ragged sobs coming from within wishing nothing more than to go in there and hold you. But you had asked for space, so he tried to honor that. Draco jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Pansy?” he asked, relaxing a bit. “What—”

“I’ve got this lover boy,” She smiled and patted his shoulder.

“She doesn’t want to be bothered,” Draco defended, glowering.

“Maybe not by you, but I think she needs a sister about now, what do you think?” Pansy raised an eyebrow at him, and it reminded him of all the times that Pansy had been there to be a sister to him and he nodded, knowing that it might help you more that he could.

Draco leaned against the wall, next to the bedroom door, his eyes closed.

“Draco?”

He peaked an eye open to find his mother on the landing with him.

“Is she alright?” Soft concern colored his mother’s voice.

“I have no idea,” It was a ragged whisper. “I knew we shouldn’t’ have invited her mother. I knew it was a bad idea,”

Narcissa laid a hand on his shoulder and tilted his chin up so that his eyes reached hers.

“It was going to happen eventually, but maybe now she can get some closure from it,” His mother sighed. “I remember the night that Andy walked out... it was weeks before that last fight and I could see how much it drained her. And you know it’s been hurting her too,”

“Andy?”

“Your aunt, Andromeda.” Narcissa smiled sadly. “Married a muggle and was disowned... she was barely older than you,”

“Talking about our dear sister again?” Another voice snarked from behind them.

They both turned to see Bellatrix leaning against the stair banister.

“She was a traitor, Cissy,” The witch sneered. “Walked away from this family. Married a muggle,”

“I know,” Narcissa’s voice was strained. “But I thought perhaps it would give some insight to what Y/n is going through,”

“Are you sympathizing with our dear sister then? Are you a traitor sister mine?” Bellatrix raised an eyebrow.

“Of course not,” His mother snapped. “If anything, Y/n has just affirmed her loyalty by turning her back on her muggle loving family,”

Draco knew the words were said to appease Bellatrix, but still he flinched at the reality of them and what it looked like on the outside. He knew that was far from the truth. He knew that you had walked out on your mother because she had a problem with you being with him. It had nothing to do with blood status. But perhaps the wicked narrative would keep you safe.

Three pairs of eyes snapped up as the door opened. Pansy emerged first, a smile on her face and you followed behind. You were smiling and held your head high. You were also barefoot, your stilettos in hand. Draco smiled at the sight.

His aunt on the other hand.

“Improper if you ask me,” She muttered.

“I don’t think anyone did,” The smile on your face was tight and he had to refrain from laughing at the look of shock on Bellatrix’s face. “My apologies Narcissa, I do believe that I may have ruined your dinner party,”

“Think nothing of it my dear,” His mother smiled. “I’m just glad to see that you’re alright.”

Tucked by his side, Draco tried to read your facial expressions, but even he couldn’t pick anything up. What you showed him seemed real. A real smile and real confidence, but he doubted that it was really the case given the present circumstances. But perhaps it wasn’t far fetched after all.

Bellatrix glared at you, but you held no air of worry or fear. Instead it was almost as if you were challenging her. Which left him wondering what in Merlin’s name had Pansy talked to you about.

Draco kept a close eye on you all night, but you really did seem alright. Curled up under his arm on the sofa in the company of just your friends, you were almost at ease. He itched to know what had happened between you and Pansy, but there was never a moment alone with just the two of you.

The night wound down, and soon it was only you, him, and his mother left in the large house. The both of you had drifted to the sitting room that held the grand piano. Draco’s fingers danced along the ivory keys, remembering how last Christmas he had composed for the first time. Your song was still remembered under his fingertips as it became a part of mini concert.

Christmas morning came and there were few presents under the tree, most of them trivial. Christmas seemed trivial. He had gotten a pack of permanent markers from Abby with a note saying that you would know what to do with them. You had gotten a pair of diamond earrings from him—and his mother. You both agreed, however, not to get each other anything. It was a depressing notion, but there was simply nothing to say about the occasion.

That evening, you donned your cloak and smiled at him softly.

“I’m gonna go visit Papa,” Your voice was soft and subtle. “Would you like to join me?”

His eyebrows shot up in surprise. He never expected for you to invite him to something like this. After the events of yesterday he didn’t feel worthy to go with you, let alone meet your father.

“It’s okay Draco, I can go alone,”

“No,” It was immediate. “You’re not going alone,”

Draco never thought that your father would be buried here. At Godric’s Hollow. He supposed it was a common place for wizards to be buried, but... he didn’t make the connection. There were others here as well and he could hear the faint hymns being sung at the church down the road. You and he were just cloaks in the crowd, two hoods visiting a loved one. You paused at a gravestone.

Walter Y/l/n

1956 — 1983

A Father and Husband

~Have Courage and Be Kind~

“Happy Christmas Papa,” You whispered softly, waving your wand, riding the gravestone of snow and frost. You sank to your knees, tears in your eyes and a smile on your lips. “I brought someone here to meet you,” Your fingertips brushed the stone. “This is Draco, Draco Malfoy. I know you probably don’t like the last name Papa, but... he is good,”

Tears welled in Draco’s eyes at the interaction. He stooped beside you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders.

“Hello,” His voice was tight. “You have a wonderful daughter,” A pause. “And though I cannot atone for my father’s mistakes, I will try. And I will be someone worthy of her affection and love,”

You laid your head on his shoulder, not saying anything, but rather enjoying the quiet night, the soft snow starting to fall. Drawing his wand, Draco conjured a small wreath of holly at the bed of the grave.

“He would be so proud of you,” Draco murmured. “As I am.”

“He would be proud of you too,” You looked up at him, snowflakes on your eyelashes. “We should go before the snow gets worse. I can feel it growing dangerous,”

Draco’s eyes darted around to the other mourners in dark colors that made only your silver cloak stand out when his eyes landed on a rather large focal statue. You followed his gaze and stood, standing.

“Do you think Harry has ever...?” The question was soft.

“I don’t think he knows it’s here,” Draco answer truthfully, his brows tugging together.

He led you down the rows of headstones until you were before Lily and James’ gave. It was sobering, seeing it like this. Draco knew the legends and stories, of course, but looking at the small bundle etched in the stone, cradled in Lily’s arms, it seemed almost too real. With your wand, you used the same spell and cleared the grave of frost and snow.

“As much of a prick that he is...” You trailed off. “I hope he’s having a good Christmas,”

Draco hummed in acknowledgement.

___________________________________

Narcissa greeted us at the door to the Manor. A warning in her eyes. The warning, proven to be in vain because nothing could prepare us for what was awaiting inside. The treacherous smile of Bellatrix greeted us, as she was flanked by two others, in hoods and masks—deeming them unidentifiable. Even though I had seen her the night before, her civility seemed to have vanished.

“The young prince returns, dear sister,” Bellatrix cooed. “But he has not been such a good young prince now has he?” She twirled her wand in her hand as Draco took a step in front of me, his own wand out.

“Bellatrix,” A steady recognizable voice called.

My eyes snapped to the right where Snape stood. His nonchalant demeanor almost blending in with the gloom that hung in the air.

“You know his fate, Bellatrix,” Snape did not attempt to stop her, but something held in his words accomplished the feat.

“Yes,” Her head cocked to one side as she drawled out the word. “But he is not above the Dark Lord’s law. And that goes for his harlot.”

“You will not speak to her like that,” Draco spat, growling.

I placed a hand on his shoulder. I could handle some name calling. I was just desperately trying to figure out Bellatrix’s game and why she had come back and why the hell Snape was here too.

“You know, you might have gotten away with it, little tramp, had the Ministry and that blood traitor Weasley stepped in and torn through the enchantments,” The purr fell from her lips. “And Cissy you should really know better than to leave me alone anywhere,”

Bellatrix waved her wand and I felt unseen hands grab my arms and drag me forward, to the center of the foyer, and then they were gone, causing me to stumble onto my knees. I glowered up at the witch, picking myself up and drawing my wand.

“Bellatrix!” This time it was Narcissa.

“Worry not little sister,” The witch stalked up to me, her wand tracing along the scar that resided under my shirt: from her knife the last time we had met. “She is in no harm... The Dark Lord has plans for her after all... But I am afraid that her possessions...”

My eyes went wide. I shoved the idea that the Dark lord had plans for me and finally figured out her game. The reason she was here.

My room in the manor. Filled with my muggle books, and records, and photos... Everything I had left from the family and home I no longer had.

“Yes, little pet.” Bellatrix snapped. “But I wanted to take this as a learning opportunity. That the Dark Lord will expect nothing less than perfection—dedication.”

“Bellatrix, please—” I started, only for my voice to be taken by a flick of her wand.

“You will be silent, little toad,” She snapped.

I turned, and saw Draco standing with his mother, pure fury written on his face as Narcissa held him back. As much as I yearned for his touch and comfort, I knew that this had to be played very carefully for us to survive. His eyes met mine.

“Come, come,” The deranged witched cooed almost happily.

Draco wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me along beside him. I looked up at him with frantic questions in my eyes, but he just shook his head. Though I couldn't hear the others behind us, I was sure they were there. Standing at the door of what was once my room, I saw the scattered books, torn pages, and absolute destruction that was in the room’s wake. Tears welled in my eyes at the sight. Draco’s and Narcissa’s arms around me were the only thing that held me back from running forward to save something—anything.

“Draco,” Bellatrix motioned him forward. Rigidly he let me go and took a step forward.

“The Dark Lord and every Death Eater believes that Purebloods are superior. That Muggles are filth and should not be considered human. And yet you allow such scum in your house. Muggle scum.” Bellatrix turned to Draco. “Destroy them. Prove your loyalty, little prince.”

Narcissa’s arms became a vice grip, holding me up instead of holding me back. I ducked into her shoulder, not being able to bring myself to watch what I knew had to be done.

“Confringo,”

Time passed. I wasn’t sure how much time. Maybe seconds... maybe an hour. Everything froze around me. My lung burned for oxygen. My eyes saw nothing. There was nothing left for me to see. Nothing but destruction in wake.

________________________________

“Draco give her mind time to protect itself,” Snape’s calm voice chided, watching the young boy pace outside the room you were in, nursed by Narcissa.

“No.” He snapped. “She—Fuck she’s going to hate me! Do you realize what I’ve just done!” He nearly screeched. “I’ve just destroyed everything—”

“And rightfully so!” Snape hissed. “Do you think the Dark Lord would be as forgiving as Bellatrix? If he came here and saw such things?” Snape’s eyes narrowed. “If it weren’t for the Dark Lord’s plans for her, she’d be under a gravestone by now.”

“Plans for her!?” Draco rushed his teacher, wand out. “No. He doesn’t touch her.” The threat was malicious and icy.

“It is out of your hands,” Snape merely brushed Draco’s wand away. “Has today not been enough for you to understand that there is no other choice for you here?”

Draco took a cool step back. “Crystal.”

The door opened and two pairs of eyes snapped and fell upon a weary Narcissa.

“She is awake,” Her voice wavered slightly. Narcissa walked forward and placed a hand on her son’s shoulder. “She’s asking for you,”

Ice ran through Draco’s veins as dread filled his chest. Maybe this was it. Maybe this was goodbye. Maybe this finally broke you. It’s what he dreaded the most, but knew it was coming.

You were sitting up, on the edge of the bed, your gaze cast to the floor.

“Y/n, please, you have to—”

You held your hand up and shook your head.

“Books... can be bought again. So, can records...”

“But they—I...”

“Draco,” You called, squeezing your eyes shut. “I know.” Your voice was curt. “I know, but right now, if I dwell on that...”

He nodded and looked down.

“Can you ever forgive me?” Tears welled in his eyes as he sat beside. “Please forgive me,”

“You had no choice,” Your voice was small. “They’re just... things.” Your eyes still didn’t open. “They’re trying to break us. Break me. The Dark Lord has plans for me,” You almost scoffed. “Like I’m his pawn. Like I belong to him!” You stood pacing the room. “Well you know what? He can watch me bleed, he can watch me burn, but I will not give in!” Your voice was vehement. “I—won’t—break,”

Draco gaped at you, utterly shocked. This was... new. This was different. This was also the first time that he had ever seen you so adamantly speak against the Dark Lord with such fervor. A kind of courage that he wished he possessed. A determination that made him believe that maybe, if nothing else, you would get through this. It gave him hope that maybe he would too.

You sat beside him again and took a deep breath, running a hand through your hair.

“How are you feeling?” You voice was gentle and soft.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” A small smile touched his lips.

A shrug fell from your shoulders and your hand ran up and along his left arm. The action alone eased the ache of the magic etched into his skin.

“I hate what I am,” He confessed through tears. “I hate what I’ve done and what I have to do. I... I don’t want to kill anyone. I don’t want to hurt anyone,” Sobs wracked his frame. “And I don’t know how you’re getting through this so well because I’m just breaking. I’m broken.”

Your arms wrapped around him, head resting on his shoulder.

“And that’s okay,” You pressed a kiss to his shoulder. “Go ahead and break. You’ve been strong too long, Draco.” Your hand ran through his hair.

He clung to you desperately, sobbing into your shoulder, hiding there. And he did break. He broke on you. He came apart at the seams in your hands and you held him together.

“I—I don’t w-want to kill him,” He sniveled. “W-why haven’t you tried to stop me?” He started to hiccup from the lack of oxygen.

You took his shoulders and looked him in the eye.

“Deep breath,” You instructed and took an exaggerated breath waiting for him to follow suit. It was shaky and ragged, but Draco managed a couple. “And because I wanted you to figure that out on your own. I wanted you to make that choice,” Your thumb brushed away his tears. “And I’m so proud of you for making it,”

He nodded and collapsed back into your arms a sense of relief flooding through him despite the threats that closed in from all sides.

__________________________________

“M-miss?”

It was early January when the house-elf came to me, clutching something in her hands tightly. Cassie, I thought was her name.

“Yes?” I knelt down, a soft demeanor to the action.

“I—I am—” She started to hyperventilate, tears in her wide eyes.

“It’s alright, sweetheart,” I soothed softly. “I won’t hurt you, nor tell you to hurt yourself. You’re safe in my presence,” I held my hands out, a slow action, showing the cowering house elf that they were empty and held no threat.

“I—I have been a b-bad house elf,” She cried. “I s-stole from M-miss,”

I frown furrowed my brows. I couldn’t think of anything that I owned that was worth stealing. A depressing thought tacked on that I didn’t own anything worthwhile even to me at the moment.

“It’s alright,” I smiled something sad.

The house elf held out what she was clinging too.

My photo album, the gift from Abby last Christmas. Tears sprung in my eyes as I hastily snatched the book from the house elf’s grasp.

“P-p-please do n-n-not be cross with C-C-Cassie,” The elf sobbed. “S-she likes l-l-looking at the p-p-pictures of h-h-happy mom-ments.”

“Oh, I’m not mad,” I quickly rushed out. “Not even in the slightest,” Tears streamed down my face. “You saved this,” I set the album down and drew the elf into a hug that she tried to scramble from but eventually relaxed, sobbing into my shoulder. “Thank you, thank you.” I cried.

“P-P-Please do not tell Master D-Draco,” She sniveled. “Y-Y-You have a-a-always been k-k- kind to us e-e-e-elves, p-p-please,”

“Y/n?” Draco’s voice was concerned. “Tell me what?” Cassie squawked and hid behind me, cowering.

“M-m-m-master D-Draco,” The elf stammered apologies.

“What’s going on?” Draco was reserved, a mask of calm.

“Cassie, she saved my album.” I ran my fingers over the leather cover. “She took it from my room I guess... said she liked to look at the photos,”

Shock and relief flitted across Draco’s face in waves. He knelt down beside me and brought the book into his hands tears in his eyes.

“Thank you,” He spoke softly to the house elf. “Thank you for saving what I couldn’t,”

“Draco,” I chided softly, reaching out for him. “It wasn’t your fault,”

“Regardless if it was or not,” He turned his attention back to the house elf. “You have my deepest gratitude,”

I flipped to a worn page by my own hand, to a day last year in the snow of four friends laughing and smiling. It wasn’t much, but I supposed it was something to believe in.

Chapter 9

Masterlist

Tags: @coffee-addicti @msmcsmutt @ravn-87 @artemismohr18@whygz @crazywritingbug @fuzzy-panda @bitemebro522@zombiesnips-blog @savingdraco@welcometomyworldwithoutrules@akari180 @slytherin-emerald@memalfoy-spidey@queenfeatherwings @fanficflaneuse @go-whovian-universe@spicyshenanigans @darling-im-not-okay-i-promise @dietkiwi@katsukink @takemetothekingdom @strangerr-things @tmnt-queen @hxneybgb @justsomerandomgur@belcvayelena@moviesbooksandfandoms @howdycharlie@xtrashmouthxtozierx@cocochanelthepupper @ninacotte@braelynn-j @jiggllyy@honeymarvel @darcypottah@atomicpunkrock @thiccheerioss@lottie289 @boredashaeck@beautiful-pegasus @tceedlmao@deadlynyghtshayde@iconjuresnapeingrandmaclothes@anonymous034 @bi-andready-tocry @lunna-does-real-doodle@dragonsandbread @okaydraco@the-queen-of-hell-things@cmxreader @alienmotel @oh-itsnothing @sunflowerxsadnessw @fattycooter@angelotakunerd08 @thisisahugemistake@fanficsigottaread@gweaslvy @strawberriesonsummer @gaysludge@cleopatera@ray-of-sunrise @artist-bby @shadowsingeraxolotl@peters-legos@quillsareforwriting @ghostlytoadalmondhairdo@wollymalfoy@lilpieceoftoast @paper-cats @floweryjh @sdicapriox@slothgirl22@peachesandpinks @monimillion @hufflautia @livize75@annie-mcl@riathearora @live-like-luna @justathoughtfulangel@coconutdawn@skteaiy @wannabeskinny-thinspo@naughtygranger @queenofmankind @dragonsandbread @abundantxadorations @moony-artnstuff @myforeveryoungblog @and-then-a-girl-with-luv @1-800-luvsick @pandas-rice-field @strawberriesonsummer @jjustsomerandomgirl @mrvlfangirl3190 @loverbbgirlsblog @in-slytherin-we-trust @emmaa-t @introvertedrae @infinity1o1 @stoleurmomsvan @echpr @sunkissed-hufflepuff @dekulover @marshmallowtraver @cereuselle

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valatheapprentice · 3 years

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Random main 6 head cannons because I can?

(My first set of these. Shoukd I do more? Open for suggestions)

Asra

You know people who have no chill? He's the opposite. He stole their chill. Just don't get sick or arrested and he'd be aight.

Until you get sick. Ptsd of the plague will make him so on edge. You both will need to talk about it since you don't remember it and don't want there to be tension

We all knew this, but snake sweaters and little hats

He has a specific tea for gossiping. Nothing magically relevant, just he likes the feeling he gets. Maybe hibiscus and skullcap? Idk ill look at my herbs and think on it

He likes to put temporary/semi permanent color in his hair. Just a couple face framing strands. Maybe on holidays or birthdays or big events

Eats healthy, but his weakness is soda. Loves the carbonation

Julian

Normally will not say no to you if you want something. If he does, you might change his mind through looking at him in a certain way. Or a blowjob

Unpopular opinion: the man is a switch! He has an extremely stressful job. He has days he has to keep it all together and have control of everything and other people. Then he may wanna bottom. There will be days nothing seems to work out and he feels out of control. He may wanna top then.

Has a vague belief system. Since "dating" asra, he realized that magick was real and I have no doubt he tagged along in at least one holiday ritual. He may not be any more than letting whoever is out there, look over MC. He may want to learn more if you are heavily into it

Bitters and butter pecan ice cream for breakfast? You're darn tootin

Malak will steal your food. Jules may not care until you're in a screaming match with a bird. He may find it so freaking cute though.

He pops so much melatonin pills to sleep, please make the man something lavender to drink. He would also have a weighted blanket. Cuddles help wonderfully, but humans are not blankets. Whether he has a heated stuffed animal is up to your imagination. Long story short, its a cute ass sight

Nadia

I think she doesn't have a faith system. She celebrates whatever vesuvias main holidays are for public appearances. But I truly think she may be atheist. The way she felt about family growing up, her husband being the way he was, and whatever else we don't know about? Idk. He heart can change towards people but I dont think she has any faith.

Make the woman lavender and honey cupcakes for her birthday

On her period, she will eat a certain strawberry ice cream and watch Mulan on repeat while in fuzzy pj's.

Modern au nadia. I think her favorite music comes from the Civil wars. No idea why I thought that but im sticking with it

If single, I think she'd use tinder on particularly lonely nights. Not often, but once in a while

Wanna see her blush, surprise her. Especially in public. Confess your love in a restaurant. Whisper what you want her to do to you in a meeting. Send a nude when she's out. Show up at dinner with a gift or 9. Surprises are her weakness

Muriel

I don't think he would ever think of marriage unless you brought it up. Like if your waiting for him to propose on his own? Hope yall live forever bc he is just content just having you with him. Even if you have kids, he'd be so happy. If you want to get married, honestly, I think he'd be proposed to instead.

Put pants on the chickens and wait. When they run he will die of laughter

He clenches his teeth. Ptsd and stress still gets to him. He gets random jaw pains on particularly bad nights. He tries to bite the inside on his cheeks but he really needs some guided meditation

If you get him into condiments, he will use so much, its ungodly. I think he'd like mustard the most

It gets boring in the woods. And he rarely says no to you. Please try out different funky hairstyles on him. Itll be a huge laugh and we love a laughing muriel in this household

Everyday, he leaves you a note when he wakes up before you. Mostly saying he's out doing chores and he loves you. Sometimes it will be so much more emotional. He will blush of he finds out you saved all of them

Portia

Wears workout pants and stained oversized t shirts to bed. And honestly, same

Messy artist. She does her job and everything else in the house so cleanly, but he will get paint in her hair or a rhinestone behind her elbow when it comes to crafts.

Thrift shop queen.

She has an eclectic arrangement of home decor in the cottage. Theres no theme but cute things

She loves setting up scavenger hunts for you and jules. You each take turn being the organizer. Whoever of the two (or three if hes with someone) hunting finishes last, pays for dinner.

You'd think she'd be god tier gift wrapper, but no. You see. She likes getting drunk with jules and having a contest on whos the best gift wrapper drunk. Their both horrible but we don't say anything or risk the spoon

Lucio

Acts like a princess, but has a super high chill to horror or action stuff. During a jump scare, he will gasp, cuss, and laugh at himself

While redeeming himself, he will battle his demons until the day he does for real. Anger and a thirst for power will always be a think with him so I see him taking up martial arts to release some of it

Hes dumb in the way he doesn't think through everything. He is wicked smart in the way that he can assess a room or person almost immediately. Being a mercenary really helped with deduction and quick assessing for survival

Which is why I dont think there would be as many fights as one might think. He does dumb shit. But immediately sees in you where he fucked up and tries to fix it.

He will 10000% help you dress up camio, Mercedes, and melchior. They will hate you both until its time to be fed

Favorite food is fair food. Get him the meaty cheese fries and watch him melt faster than the cheese did

#the arcana #the arcana game #the arcana asra #the arcana julian #the arcana lucio #the arcana nadia #the arcana portia #the arcana muriel #the arcana headcanons #headcanon #random headcanon

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madsinartime · 3 years

Text

thoughts about tfatws

aka cacw (2021) ;)

this will be kinda long, so more under the cut!

Sam and Bucky

i love their relationship. whether you ship them or see them as bros this show gives you everything you could want. sam and bucky’s character and relationship development are the best parts of the show. sam learns to overcome his insecurities and pick up the shield, bucky learns to forgive himself and move on from the winter soldier. although to be honest, who let the fanfic writers into marvel? the couples’ therapy scene and rolling in the flower field are straight (not) out of ao3.

sam wilson IS captain america. i hope that in future movies he’ll continue to be political and an activist, not just focus on all the avenger threats and forget about the stuff that continues to happen on the ground. sam’s a guy who follows through. let’s see him at marches, rallies, campaigning for something better. the show was a step up in representation about different perspectives than the usual mcu stuff and i hope they continue with that.

bucky! him living with the wilsons’ is canon now. i love that he’s finally got his happy ending :) i hope he’ll be in black panther, at least a lil cameo! i think he is great friends with t’challa shuri and all the dora milaje! maybe a bit of how he became known as white wolf? or earning the title? he definitely trained with the dora, rmb how he threw that pole like a spear :D

Zemo

i kinda like zemo as a character now. he’s definitely still a terrible person but hey. he’s a fun guy. he even got the last laugh with orchestrating blowing up the rest of the super soldiers from prison. i wonder what he’ll do about john walker? US agent is definitely the guy zemo hates. would be a cool subplot in a future movie/show.

Sharon Carter

this is such a step up for her from winter soldier and civil war! she’s a badass shield special agent and it really showed. her fight scene in the shipyard is one of my favourite. making her a villain? i mean i kinda get why she’ll be so jaded from being on the run for years. there are some theories where she’s like a skrull,, but idk. the part where she’s the power broker seemed a bit ?? at first, but here’s what i think:

sharon didn’t get blipped. it was shown in endgame but she could have disappeared and so everyone assumed she was dusted. 5 years seems a bit short to build a criminal empire, plus zemo had heard of the power broker and he was in jail the whole time. in those 5 years maybe the original power broker got blipped, and in the power vacuum (lol) sharon took over. makes sense why zemo would think the power broker was a dude. after everyone returned maybe sharon killed the power broker for real or he’s out there hiding and we’ll see the two go at each other. that could be fun to see. as for leading sam bucky and zemo to dr nagle, sharon was playing the long game. nagle maybe was upset with her/not doing so well and she wanted to get rid of him so no one else could get the formula. or she’s already compiled his notes and decided he was a liability. leading the gang to dr nagle and defending them against the bounty hunters (remember someone had to know and send out the message after killing selby) would put her in sam’s good graces and he would get her pardoned, then she could operate outside of madripoor (maybe getting away from the original power broker). anyway i think it would be cool to see what she gets up to in the future.

The Flag Smashers

hmmm. i liked them at the start of the show. karli was young and radicalised by the life after the blip, and she wanted a better life. which is great. i know the flag smashers’ plot was a bit messed up by the pandemic and the had to rewrite some stuff, and the writer’s did a good job considering. still, i dislike how the entire flag smashers became villainized by just karli’s extreme actions. i think that she could’ve had better character development, like john walker’s, where she was out to do good and then because of the serum she became too extreme and spiraled. the first time people get killed is because of an accident. also at the end the whole thing seemed driven by karli, and rest of them were like uhh what are u doing girl. could have been better, but alright, i guess.

in future movies, i hope that we’ll see the flag smashers again. remember they were a global network (with parallels to hydra, which is like, not cool, marvel) with supporters all over the world. just because the leaders were killed off doesn’t mean the movement would stop.

John Walker

marvel’s stepping up with their villain game, which is awesome. john’s negative character development was great and quite believable, considering the way the american government treats its veterans. john likely has trauma and ptsd and a whole host of other stuff that led to his going crazy, all amplified by the serum. he’s a really good example of ‘the road to hell is paved with good intentions’. he does want to be a good person, like him saving the truck instead of going after karli showed, but that doesn’t fully redeem him. let your villains be villains marvel. let him go off, azula style. (not sure marvel is the type to let that happen, but it would be awesome to explore john’s psyche like that.)

Lemar Hoskins

*sigh* i feel like marvel let us down with this one. all the progressiveness in this show and they had to kill off the black sidekick to further the white man’s character arc. come on. i have Thoughts about this. see, this could have been an amazing opportunity to explore lemar and john’s characters. john’s spiral off the deep end, lemar having to reconcile his best friend with this guy, who is nothing like the great man he once knew. everone thinks that john is irredeemable, lemar keeps trying to get him to therapy. john goes crazy from the serum, lemar having to fight against his brother. lemar goes to bucky and asks for help, because he thinks it’s like what happened with the winter soldier thing. bucky learns to help someone he disliked because he too can see the similarities and that john does need help. in the end, john goes full evil and has to be taken down by his best friend. the parallels this would have had with the steve/bucky relationship, yall.

lol if u got this far, congrats and thanks for reading my rambles :D just out here Thinking my Thoughts

#the falcon and the winter soldier #tfatws #sam wilson #bucky barnes #sharon carter #zemo #the flag smashers #john walker #lemar hoskins

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queenaryastark · 4 years

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George RR Martin: dragons are weapons of mass destruction, they're symbols of destruction and not of rebuilding, it's why the targaryens lost their power because their rule was built on fear and when the dragons died it only took a small spark to cause a rebellion, daenerys should read fire and blood so she can learn how not to use dragons daenerys herself: dragons plant no trees, If they are monsters than so am I Yall: i cant read suddenly i dont know

LMAO! I can’t even call that paraphrasing since this jumble of out of context gibberish completely misinterprets GRRM’s words and intent.

First off, no one said dragons weren’t weapons of mass destruction. Them being powerful weapons is pretty obvious. Them being weapons does not erase the violence and cruelty of characters who do not have them. The mass destruction the Starks and Lannisters have wrought against the Riverlands and Westerlands was done without the aid of dragons. So was the mass destruction the Greyjoys and Boltons wrought on the North. The Tyrells were able to commit mass murder by cutting off food supplies, which led to mass starvation, which was their specific intent.

Dragons are dangerous. Obviously. So are people, as George R. R. Martin goes out of his way to tell us in every chapter of his work. The man literally depicts Robb, Stannis, Balon, and Joffrey as equally as violent toward the common people and the land of Westeros. He even gives Dany this metaphoric image of the four of them:

“In one room, a beautiful woman sprawled naked on the floor while four little men crawled over her. They had rattish pointed faces and tiny pink hands, like the servitor who had brought her the glass of shade. One was pumping between her thighs. Another savaged her breasts, worrying at the nipples with his wet red mouth, tearing and chewing.” -- A Clash Of Kings

And that is far from the only time he frames them in an equally negative light given their level of mass destruction.

when the dragons died it only took a small spark to cause a rebellion, daenerys should read fire and blood so she can learn how not to use dragons

You think Dany should read Fire and Blood? I agree. I hope she gets a copy once she arrives to save Westeros from the warlords, opportunistic politicians, and the Others. Though you should probably try to find someone who can read it to you and explain what all the big words mean. If you look in that book, you will see that the Targaryens became extremely popular and loved. They decreased the amount of war and destruction, they streamlined the laws, they established roads, and they removed a couple of the abuses that were the norm. They were far from perfect. But in that imperfection, Dany could learn from them too.

As for a “small spark” causing a rebellion as soon as they didn’t have dragons... *sighs* If you don’t know about a topic, that’s fine. Not everyone can be an expert on every topic. But you Sansa stans (yes I know you’re a Sansa stan and you probably have that hideous image of ST with her trademark vacant expression and that ugly ferret crown as your icon) should actually fact check yourselves before trying and failing to present yourselves as an authority on anything. The last dragon died in 153 AC. The Targaryens were overthrown in 283 AC. Even before 153 AC, the dragons that lived either weren’t under their control, were pretty young, or were deformed. In other words, they continued to rule Westeros without dragons for a significant amount of time. In that time, not only did they rule, but they were able to bring Dorne into the realm peacefully.

Even the wars they had were far fewer than the amount of constant wars that happened while the kingdoms were separate. The Blackfyre Rebellions were sparked by Westerosi racism and xenophobia against the Dornish, as well as the greed and opportunism from the Andal/First Men supporters of the Blackfyre claimant. Notice how in those rebellions the people of Westeros supported either the Targaryens or the Targaryen blooded Blackfyres? No matter which side the lords took, they were supporting a Targaryen because they support that family. Like in real life civil wars, they just supported different members of that same royal line. It wasn’t because they feared them. They wanted their rule. They just wanted the rule of a specific claimant over another based on their own values or what they thought they could gain from a change in Targaryen leadership.

Even with the Baratheon rebellions, they were still Targaryen blooded claimants. With Lyonel Baratheon, he felt his family was insulted when an engagement between the crown prince and his daughter was broken so the prince could marry a peasant. This might seem like a “small spark”, but this would have been considered hugely offensive by the classist nobility. Note how this rebellion was resolved incredibly easily to the point where I don’t even think it warrants being labeled an actual rebellion. It seems more like it was set up for the next Baratheon rebellion since it resulted in that House gaining even more Targaryen blood than it already had. That’s the thing, the nobility wanted their children to marry Targaryens. Doesn’t sound very fearful, does it?

Robert’s Rebellion wasn’t set off by a “small spark”. The kidnapping and rape of the Lord of Winterfell’s daughter and the betrothed of the Lord of Storm’s End is not insignificant. It also didn’t set off the rebellion. The murders of multiple lords and their heirs is also not a small thing. It didn’t set off the rebellion either. What set it off was the combination of those two events with the demand for the executions of the new Lord of Winterfell and the Lord of Storm’s End. Those events taken separately are not small sparks and they certainly aren’t small when put together. It took something HUGE to make a big part of the realm turn on the Targaryens. Even still, the rebels were in the minority since most of the other regions either stayed out of the conflict waiting to see how it played out or stayed loyal to the Targaryens. If Tywin had continued to stay out of the conflict, the Rebellion could have lasted indefinitely with either side winning since the Crown’s forces outnumbered them and occupied the Stormlands.

You also seem to miss the fact that quite a few people in Westeros are still Targaryen Loyalists and want to restore them to the throne. You even miss the fact that Robert, Joffrey, and Tommen’s claim comes from their Targaryen blood.

So no, the Targaryen rule was not based purely on fear. They clearly retained loyalty and love without the benefit of dragons as weapons.

daenerys herself: dragons plant no trees, If they are monsters than so am I

It’s funny how you can try to quote the book while having no understanding of the passage you’re quoting. Here’s the paragraph you’re referring to:

Mother of dragons, Daenerys thought.Mother of monsters. What have I unleashed upon the world? A queen I am, but my throne is made of burned bones, and it rests on quicksand. Without dragons, how could she hope to hold Meereen, much less win back Westeros?I am the blood of the dragon, she thought.If they are monsters, so am I. -- ADWD

This takes place in Dany’s second chapter of A Dance With Dragons after she has captured and chained two of her dragons and failed to capture the third. Why is she trying to chain them? Because Drogon killed one (1) child. That’s right. Not only is Dany compensating the people for the sheep her dragons were eating. She has no tolerance for them killing innocents. The quote above is not her glorying in the destructive power of the dragons. Nor is she going around without an ounce of guilt for terrorizing, maiming, and murdering innocents the way Robb, Balon, Stannis, Joffrey, Tyrion, Cersei, and every other leader in Westeros does. That is what this passage is PROVING. Seriously, using the “If they are monsters, so am I” quote is proving that Dany has guilt over the life her dragon has taken and that she has taken steps to prevent that from happening again. Compare that to Tyrion’s complete lack of care when it comes to the mass murder his family is causing:

"A lordling down from the Trident, says your father's men burned his keep, raped his wife, and killed all his peasants."

"I believe they call that war." -- Tyrion, ACOK

While Dany is trying to preserve lives, the mass murdering leaders of Westeros see murder and rape as the norm and completely acceptable. Even the noble Robb Stark tried to move the carnage that he and Tywin were inflicting on the Riverlands into the Westerlands and was upset that his plan to do so was partly thwarted by Edmure. His issue wasn’t with the common people suffering and dying. He just wanted the suffering and dying to happen to the common people of the Westerlands (the ones who hadn’t been forced into service as arrow fodder by the Lannisters yet) instead. Yet, you’re trying to use Dany’s guilt at one (1) child being killed by her dragon as proof of...something?

As for Dany not planting trees, yes, she fears that’s something Targaryens can’t do. But the text shows that her ancestors could and did. Dany is also planting trees in ADWD and was in the process of making Vaes Tolorro bloom in ACOK before she was invited to Qarth. The Golden Company (who wants to put her and Aegon on the Iron Throne as a pair) are even upset because they think she’s only interested in planting trees in Meereen.

When analyzing a literary work you have to understand that what the characters fear and the guilt they feel are not signs of their permanent situations. They’re signs of their internal obstacles that will be overcome in their arcs. Dany fears her dragons and fears herself and fears that she won’t be able to achieve peace and positive societal growth. Its good that she fears these things because this shows she acknowledges these issues so they can be overcome. The current Westeros leadership don’t see the issue in their mass murdering, which is an issue all on it’s own.

Its alright if this series is above your comprehension level. There are books out there for you to read that are better suited for your capabilities, like Hop on Pop or Green Eggs and Ham. It’s probably best if you stick to those.

#this is why sansa stans shouldn't have access to keyboards #fandom wank #Anonymous

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lianhuawu · 5 years

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I am not for this sort of behaviour.

It was funny at first. It was the most hilarious thing I'd seen all day. Kudos op I could have laughed hard enough to get thrown out of my lecture thanks you made my afternoon. First of all, its 2019. You have a problem with someone elses blog content? Unfollow button is right there, pal. So is the block button, but I don't know if you know how to use that one since I can still?? See your blog?? I mean, if you're making a block list, how come the people on it arent, idk, blocked??? Might want to get on that.

Also, lets not kid ourselves here. Literally zero people were asking for this block list. "due 2 popular request'? Lets be real here : You got this idea and decided to drag a few names through the mud for a couple of notes. Cool, cool, thats fine. I respect your right to do whatever you want on your blog. Except, lets not live under the false pretense that everyone in the fandom was clamouring at your doorstep begging you for this block list, yeah?

You have every right to your opinion. Block whoever you like. But there is a difference between being critical and straight up being insulting.You dislike the things I reblog, thats fine. Thats being critical. But calling someone a freak? Thats personal. At that point your opinion stops becoming critical, and just dissolves into “im mad because these people post things i dont like on their own blog!!’

Its very clear you didn’t actually bother to check blogs. I’ll admit some of us have a few nsfw posts on our blogs, but people like aria (mobeis) dont reblog nsfw. I rarely do but thats besides the point. The point is I think what you’ve done is seen whos interacting with who and made us all guilty by association. That kind of ‘if you like them you’re cancelled’ mentality is honestly? Childish.

Also like, I get that you want to protect minors. I agree with you. But in the case of reallygrossmdzsthoughts,,,, the blog name,,,, its,,, reallygrossmdzsthoughts,,the content is in the blog name,,,, what else do you expect to be on there?? Listen, even I dont interact with rgmdzs but you know what? Thats a matter of personal taste. I’m not about to make a callout post just because someone posts something I dont like. Curate your own content. Or like,,,, just learn how to read blog urls,,,

“im a gay trans person and i get to tell you when ur doing shit wrong because you’re not immune’ Yes. You’re right. You do get to do that, but not like this. You’re not immune to basic social decency just because you’re gay and trans. What you could have done is have a civilised adult conversation with notti about what exactly about her content bothers you, instead of posting this 14 year old on a forum in 2003-esque “block list”. Thats what dms are for. And in the end, the person you’re talking to isn’t obliged to change their blog content to cater to you. Thats what unfollow and block buttons are for.

“engaging in media under yaoi and liking one bl tagged novel are two differrent things if you’re not mlm” Listen, I get that fandoms like this tend to have a few fujos in there, but seriously? Are you seriously trying to justify your argument like this? It just,, doesn’t hold water. Only gay men can engage with content like this? Pal, as far as we know, mxtx is straight. I understand that certain content isn’t meant for hets but this? You want us to what, not read books about gay people because we’re not gay?

The point here is, if you’re going to do something, be civil about it. Act like an adult. Have polite discussions instead of posting things that invite drama then captioning it with “i dont want drama!” To all the people hailing this person as a saviour for pointing out ‘toxic’ and ‘freaky’ blogs, I suggest you work on curating your own content before letting a stranger on the internet tell you what to do and who to follow. Also, @feralwangji tag people if you’re going to do things like this. Don’t be chickenshit after a callout.

To all my followers, yall are more than welcome to unfollow at anytime. I love yall but I’m a big believer in curating your own content. If you feel like what I post isnt for you, go ahead and click that unfollow button. Be responsible for your own media consumption. And if you’re going to criticise someone elses content, a least do it with decency. Love yall! <3

#you know if you're looking for a reason to get mad you could always scroll trumps twitter instead #just a suggestion #since you seem to have so much time on your hands to put stuff like this on the internet #freak gang #discourse

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teddy-feathers · 5 years

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look my problem with the au megamind where Roxanne is the alien and megamind is the reporter is i cant stop thinking about what i want out of that and how its probably not what other people want out of that which should mean 'oh shit i gotta write it' but really means 'in the next couple of months im going to rewatch megamind and be extremely frustrated because idk how to write these people as is let alone in an au'

but here are some thoughts

Itd have to take place on megaminds home world so like. have to develop that culture and frame it as the usual and other things as oddities

metroman still shows up at the same time the baby human does

roxan richie and metromans rivalry is less of a game and more of a metroman one up'd her ome to many times so now shes gotta take him out

its fine not because shes incompetent- in fact her death rays and pointy sticks are ingenious and have 0% public property or civilian causalities - but because metroman is not only impossible to kill, he adapts to anything that gets close (anything that doesnt kill him makes him stronger literally)

i guess this means theres a good chunk of the story that is centered around human adaptability vs perfect hero dudes adaptability

Roxanne Ritchie is actually a noted scientist or something at the local research facility - i figure blue people planet is really advanced and everyones at least a little technosmart but while it doesnt come as easily or naturally to Roxanne her way of thinking is really unique n shiz and shes an asset to every team....

but if you see her in a mask with some project from the lab macguivered into a gun trying to kill metroman well, no ones getting hurt and humans need hobbies and everyone respects the mask desptie the fact shes the ONLY human on the planet so its not like its hard to figure out who she is

she does spend a lot of nights having to rebuild projects and apologizing and such but basically everyone plays the plausible deniability card and asks her questions abiut what went wrong and okay so the masked menace failed after you let them steal our project but lets pretend for a moment the goal was to fix crops how would you say this did? and grumply shed revamp the guns weird side effect into an alien pollinating crop duster or whatever

got carried away when REALLY all I WANTED to say was

Whille Roxanne Ritchie is adaptable ingenuity and gets away at the last minute NOT because no ones trying to catch her but shes just that CLEVER and thinks ahead and shiz....

Megamind is the guy trying to interview her in the middle of a fight like he thinks he's cute - i mean he is but shes chasing after metroman and skids to a stop because this jerk stepped in for a comment. or shes lining up the perfect shot but theres a close up of megaminds reporter bag in the way

the thing is that maybe... blue people arent violent. a natural disaster hit recently and theyre coming back from it and if the two adopted alien kids want to play extreme tag well no ones getting hurt and Roxanne Ritchie will grow out of her competitiveness no doubt caused by just how superior EVERYONE on the planet is by finding her own niche and metroman will grow up and stop bating her because maybe he IS still better than everyone else and thats met with "oh very nice we're proud" but it doesnt really validate him or make him feel special because its just treated as a special thing he can do by everyong but Roxanne Ritchie and once he's found something that makes him feel good regardless of the attention or lack of it he'll stop playing too

but megamind? megamind has an imagination that loves drama and blowing things out of proportion and thats part of why his reports are so popular? like yeah everyones treating this super hero showdown with indulgence but megamind is good at framing theatrics so that this news story is actually a compelling narrative? and also everyone can see the tension is going to have one of these three "kids" confessing live someday

and maybe he gets carried away. one of those 'aw well next time you could do x or y' or has some technological creation that accidentally actually makes Metroman flinch during an interview

and Roxanne Ritchie starts paying attentionto him for the first time.

and minion warns him but he doesnt listen. minion is lower class and is afraid of being replaced like a pet like some people do but Roxanne Ritchie Ritchie doesnt have a minion and even if she did theyre Best Friends not like those other blue people minion uperclass people.

and he carelessly says something unforgivable and Roxanne Richie uses his ideas and actually succeeds in killing metroman

so she goes to prison - a place they had to build just for her because this hasnt happened since stars knows when

and somebody else is doing the camera because minion left just is gone and megamind looks defeated but testifies against her and is quiet and subdued and stpps being a reporter for a bit

and.... idk. i feel like we'll have to resolve the whole class system so minon goes underground and finds other minons who are unhappy with the way of things and if theyre ALREADY rebuilding society after that huge natural disaster that DIDNT blow up their planet thanks TO a minion well ehy cant they fix this too?

so theres a rebellion going on and theyve got a secret weapon to make blue people listen and idk but i feel like it's Metroman

and... how do stories like this go ive forgotten

minion wouldnt tell megamind or he would

metroman would break Roxanne Ritchie out of prison during the first riot of the minion revolt?

they talk and compare why they hated eachother and slowly work together and are actually a great team?

and then they need a reporter to make themselves heard as something other than minions going crazy

and so of course they go to megamind for help getting the story out

something something megamind is minions sidekick for this adventure

"Roxanne Ritchie was raised by the planet and turned against it and instigated civil unrest and killed a person who was also the good child etc etc instead of just growing up to face your problems"

"actually im alive and i finally found my place? helping out the real heros?"

"i mean i did try to kill him, but he forgave me and we're kinda working together because planet of moms and dads that raised us? yall actually are the ones who need to grow up and let go of the traditions that dont serve etc etc"

and megamind does a huge public apology to minion

and... uhhhhhhhhh fuck i really dont know how these storyies go

the blue people start making amends

metroman basically becomes a social worker for minion childern because finding their original families is a bit hard and most of these kids are just going to end up being raised by super dad but at least the rebellion minion families are actually geting to be their own family units and in a couple gens thatll be normal

Roxanne Ritchie goes back to being the token human in the lab and hangs up her super suit and is generally dissatisfied with this

until one night a hero breaks into her apartment to make her answer for her crimes and so for a legit hot second theyre fighting and megamind says something and Roxanne apologizes and then fighting stops being an argument and goes into banter flirting

the worss "where theres evil good will rise up to fight it" peob comes up a lot in this fic in different iterations

anyways megamind isnjust basically like hey wanna do this like. for the rest of our lives dramatic battle showdowns like its entertainment but like no theyre doing this for real?

the answer is hell yeah

and its a polyship and sometimes Roxanne is helping with the kids and then Megamind bursts in to "save" the family from her evil clutches and 90% of the time everything is improve

megamind kidnaps Roxanne to make metromind save her and a good half of the conversation is that hes an idiot for coming shes tried to kill him three times this week and hes bitching because do you know how hard it is to find a sitter for 30 odd minion kids this short notice and they better make it up to him

Roxanne is not superdad but the 30 odd minion kids adore when she comes over because they mob the villain so hard until finally mega comes to save her because hes actually very good with the kids

of course this poly ship isnt complete without minion and at some point minion and mega realize theyve actually been married for years and Roxanne and metro tease them shamelessly for it

minion and his race need a real name obviously

when Roxanne was a... graduate her senior project theses thingy was essentially "im going to go back to planet earth itll be great ive figured out were im from and how to go there in a reasonable amout of time" and everyone had to sit her down and explain that unlike metroman they knew where she was from the planet was just destroyed.

they never figured out where metroman was from because his direction sharply changed to follow baby Roxannes course and mirrored her coding despite very obviously how he had originated from elsewhere

this is important because his race is basically coming to conquer the blue people planet soon - the group finds out - and will download all the survival upgrades metroman has gotten to become unkillable and then just come down to the surface and be unstoppable taking the place over and whiping out the planet like theyve done many many times

a good chunk of the time trying to figure out how to stop them when this planet is REALLY against murder war and violence for good reason and even if they WOULD do that its impossible over looks some alone time that leads to megamind and metroman figuring out how to like kill him so when the bad guys show up theyll go "whelp better not fuck with them" and leave but between roxanne and minion they manage to not only stabilize metroman (Roxanne blood transfusions maybe???) but they manage to scare the aliens so bad they tuck tail and leave speading rumors that these are the scariest mfs in space (go minion)

metroman never lets Roxanne live down saving his life

eventually space humans show up to check the place out

megamind loves everything human despite most of the planet thinking theyre primitive and showing it

roxanne is reluctant to meet them at first but then really relates to them?

for a good long while it REALLY seems like megamind and Roxanne are just going to go on space adventures with the humans leaving metroman and minion - who really doesnt like them and also they kinda rub him the wrong way because he's non bipedal and they kinda make fun of him in a 'we totally dont mean anything by it lighten up' sort of way.

they don't go of course but they may have stolen a lot of atar charts n shit and who hasnt wanted to take a road trip through space with 30 odd childern who will need names and personalities and may be chopped down to a slightly more reasonable number by this point?

metroman loves space karaoke and his natural abilites mean he learns languages fast but no he still cant carry a tune

megamind and Roxanne still duke it out on various alien cityscapes

minion usually breaks them out of jail if theyre not to be let out the next day because nothing was actually damaged that didnt belong to them.

one memorable occasion it was metoman in a fight with megamind and they wont say what its about but both look very put out and minion looks smug

it doesn't matter in the end because Roxanne teams up with the childern to propose to them first

apparantly i had a lot more ideas about this then i meant to? i mean its not well thoughout out and despite the drama a good half the fic is just going to be cute relationship building stuff between the four of them

#megamind #megamind au idea #story idea #fanfic idea #my writing #i hope tagging shit makes it findable but x doubt

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thecelibateshoewhore · 5 years

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Dating in the Church (Part 1)

“But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you” (Matthew 6:33 NKJV).

“You have been raised to life with Christ. Now set your heart on what is in heaven, where Christ rules at God’s right side. Think about what is up there, not about what is here on earth. You died, which means that your life is hidden with Christ, who sits beside God. Christ gives meaning to your life, and when He appears, you will also appear with Him in glory” (Colossians 3:1-4 CEV).

Happy Valentine’s Day to all those who’re celebrating! If you’re familiar with my writing, you know that I don’t take the typical approach — basically, the worldly viewpoint — regarding love, dating and celibacy because I’m committed to using my spiritual gift to serve God and His people. That said, be sure to read my previous posts about love and dating if you haven’t already: On Marrying the Wrong Person and On Love, Loyalty & Less Than God’s Best.

This series was inspired by a retweet that came across my timeline, which attempted to address why dating in the church is difficult. First, understand that there’s no biblical position on dating — at least not in the formal sense. There’s no particular scripture or passage that addresses how single believers should date. However, there are godly principles in scripture that can be applied to dating. It’s natural to want companionship, but many believers overlook the necessity and blessing of being single. This is the time to give God your undivided attention and allow Him to mature you in your faith and in your spiritual gifts. Y’all know I’m longwinded — I could write a book on this subject (in fact, I am)! Pull out your Bibles, as I’m going to assume that you’re familiar with the scriptures referenced. The first point listed was:

“We keep promoting this misnomer that marriage is more spiritual than natural.”

Uh, since when?

My first thought reading this was, why would any church, which is a spiritual institution, ever downplay the spiritual aspect of marriage? To do so would imply that God isn’t needed for or within a marriage, which is essentially a carnal standpoint. And perhaps that is the problem. Taking on this “natural” approach has led to many believers choosing the wrong spouse or getting married to simply appease their physical (as in sexual) and/or financial needs. God also never intended for us to desire marriage more than we desire Him.

I’m not negating the natural component of marriage. I’m negating that a church should promote marriage as more natural than spiritual, and counsel believers under this notion. To do so isn’t biblically sound. In fact, it’s counterintuitive to the ministry of marriage. (Yes, marriage is a ministry and I’ll explain why later on). Due to the laws that now govern our society, marriage has become a business transaction because Uncle Sam wants his cut in the same manner as if we were to start a business or purchase real estate. That is why when a government institution performs a “marriage ceremony” in accordance with the laws of its jurisdiction, it is known as a civil marriage or a civil union. Many secular marriage proponents believe that it’s not a spiritual or religious institution at all. For them, marriage should be attainable by any person(s) who wish to apply for a marriage license regardless of spiritual affiliation and compatibility.

For this reason, it’s important to note that there’s marriage and then there’s marriage God’s way. If your desire is for a godly spouse or marriage, then you must understand and adhere to God’s principles regardless of what society is doing. A church that promotes marriage as a natural institution is promoting idolatry. Why? Christ is removed as the center or focal point and replaced with worldly rules and expectations. As Christians, our relationship with the Creator is the crux of our faith and should govern everything that we do, including how we date and who we marry. For believers, it doesn’t make sense that our spiritual component is the core of our lives (and human experience), but not the basis of how we learn marriage inside of the church. I’m not saying that unbelievers shouldn’t marry because it’s a vital aspect of human society. I’m also not saying that only Christian marriages are successful. I’m saying that as believers, we can’t fully experience marriage the way God intended unless He is the foundation and inspiration on which it stands. If we start to condone or accept the world’s ways, which contradict God’s truth, then we risk applying a distorted standard to how God wants us to live.

Furthermore, Colossians 3:1-4 reminds us that the basis of our faith is the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. It connects us to Christ as our foundation by guiding us with a basic ethical response to living in modern times. Set your mind on Christ! We are living in times where people profess faith in God, yet promote ideologies that are against His word. God is not the one confused. His word was, is and will always be true. Any church that proclaims to be the body of Christ should know not to conform to the expectations of society. God doesn’t lower Himself to meet the desires of man. Instead, we rise up to the standard that Christ set for us. When people state that churches aren’t effective because they’re “out of touch,” the solution isn’t to water down the message so that it’s easier for the masses to swallow it. The solution is to cultivate an environment that promotes real discipleship, healing and deliverance that is also built on sound truth! We don’t have a dating problem in the church, we have a discipleship problem. (Tweet This!) Before the church can minister to your dating needs and grow you into somebody’s spouse, you first need to master being a disciple of Jesus Christ.

Before we can address dating in the church or “godly dating,” we must first understand why we’re dating in the first place. That is, what is the end goal? For most, marriage is the end goal. That is why it’s important to understand God’s purpose for marriage. For starters, God established the blueprint for marriage as a {spiritual} covenant (contract or agreement) between God, man and woman in Genesis 2:24. There were no courthouses or marriage licenses in the Garden of Eden. In fact, Genesis 2 outlines God’s design for marriage, as well as the governing principles that we should apply to it:

(1) God designed marriage as a covenant. Like most things, in order to understand how something works, the best source to ask is the One who created it! The foundation of a godly marriage involves daily communication with God. If praying and reading scripture isn’t a part of your daily life during the dating phase, chances are you will have cracks in your spiritual foundation that will impact your marriage. (2) God designed marriage to meet our need for companionship. Eve was created as a companion or “helper” because after naming all the animals, Adam wondered why there was no suitable companion for him (Genesis 2:18-20). Also note that God first gave Adam a purpose and a responsibility, and then gave him a wife to support his needs. In. That. Order. (3) God designed marriage as a depiction of our relationship with Him. Simply put, marriage is a ministry. Although He is pleased with sexual harmony between a husband and wife, that’s not why God designed marriage; He created it as a testimony for Him. If you’ve never witnessed a godly marriage, this might be hard for you to comprehend. Witnessing a union between a husband and wife who’re under the submission of Christ is the epitome of what it means to know God and know Him intimately. God created us for purposes that are larger than ourselves to serve Him and His people. In the same manner, He created marriage to illustrate the spiritual relationship between Christ (the bridegroom) and the church (His bride). Just as a husband and wife join as one flesh, we also join as one spirit with the Lord (1 Corinthians 6:18). Just as the church yields to the authority of Christ, the wife yields to the authority of the husband who’s also submitted to Christ. And a husband is to love his wife in the same manner that Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5: 21-25). Finally, just as a husband and wife produce offspring, believers are called to go out, multiply disciples and bring people back into the body of Christ as joint heirs.

For believers who’re married, it becomes the primary, permanent, exclusive and intimate relationship between the two people who took those vows. No person or thing comes before either spouse (Matthew 19:6). It takes a lifetime to understand this level of commitment, which is why marriage isn’t required for everyone (1 Corinthians 7:7-9). Marriage isn’t a requirement for heaven or salvation. But, for those who choose marriage, choose to pursue it God’s way.

If you’re a believer who’s not ready for marriage, you might be “casually dating” (not to be confused with fornicating). Casual dating is defined as any relationship where a couple is not exclusively dating each other. It doesn’t mean having sex or one-night stands. Even without sex, however, this kind of situation can bring unnecessary complications. My opinion is that casual dating isn’t inherently a bad thing if both parties clearly define their expectations and maintain boundaries, but I believe it increases the likelihood of misunderstandings and disappointment because as people evolve spiritually and emotionally, what they desire in a mate often changes. Sometimes this occurs at the other person’s expense.

I purposely didn’t cover sex in great detail because I plan to address it later in this series. If you enjoyed this post, please leave a comment below, and let me know that you’re ready for part 2.

“Don’t change yourselves to be like the people of this world, but let God change you inside with a new way of thinking. Then you will be able to understand and accept what God wants for you. You will be able to know what is good and pleasing to him and what is perfect” (Romans 12:2 ERV).

I love you.

xo,

thecelibateshoewhore

#dating #godly dating #celibacy #marriage #godly marriages #divine order #love #Valentine's Day #carnality #The Church #discipleship #discernment #faith #faithandfootwear #thecelibateshoewhore

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jenroseyokel · 5 years

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Awesome of the Year 2018: The Books

Happy New Year! ‘Tis the season for year end lists left and right as we attempt to figure out the best of everything from 2018. And of course, as a fan of books, music, and movies, it’s only right to get in on the list-making. Over the next week or so, I’ll be sharing my 2018 favorite lists. First up: books! This year, I set my Goodreads reading challenge at 40 books, and actually passed it. I’ve been setting arbitrary book goals for years, but I’m pretty sure this is the first time I’ve succeeded since 2007. Probably because of all the graphic novels and comic trades I read this year WHICH TOTALLY COUNT BTW. Ahem. Anyway. This isn’t really a best of 2018 list so much as a Here’s a Bunch of Books I Really Liked in 2018 list, split up into categories. I hope you’ll find something interesting here, especially if you’re looking for ways to spend bookstore or Amazon gift cards you got for Christmas… ;)

Newish Books by Rad Christian Women:

Every Arbitrary Book Goal should have a small correlated goal attached. This year mine was to make sure I read at least 50% women authors… and there have been a lot of GREAT new books from women writers in the past few years. If the “Christian women” section of your local bookstore makes you cringe a little inside too, check out these three wonderful books, all released in the past couple years:

Courage, Dear Heart by Rebecca K. Reynolds (NavPress, 2018)

Anyone who has read Rebecca’s writing knows she needed to write a book. She has a sharp mind, a poet's soul, a scientist's eye, and the most beautiful, tender heart. Also, she's an incredible writer who loves her readers with a love that radiates off every page. Buy a copy for everyone you know.

Wearing God by Lauren F. Winner (HarperOne, 2017) Girl Meets God was a formative book in my early 20s, and I’ve always meant to read more from this author, but somehow haven't. I finally picked up this one and oh man, for a solid month afterward I couldn’t stop thinking about it. With the eye of a scholar and the heart of a poet, Winner draws on personal stories, deep Biblical study, and a love of language to explore lesser known metaphors for God. Liturgy of the Ordinary by Tish Harrison Warren (InterVarsity Press, 2016)

Several years ago, James K.A. Smith’s Desiring the Kingdom helped me see liturgy in a new way, as not just religious practice, but the embedded routines that shape us. In this book, Tish Warren brings that idea to life as she walks through an ordinary day explores the holiness in our most mundane moments of living. You may not look at brushing your teeth or losing your keys the same way again.

Good Stories

This year, fiction reading was… all over the place? I don’t know if I read much that was OMG amazing, but here are a few that were fun…

The Fairyland Series 2-5 by Catherynne M. Valente (Feiwel & Friends, 2012-2015)

I am notoriously awful at finishing book series. I read the first Fairyland book maybe… two years ago? Yikes. Just finished the last one and wow, so fun. Colorful characters, a whimsical narrator, crazy locations, and a whole lot of heart make this Victorian fairytale meets contemporary fantasy a delight to read.

Til We Have Faces by C.S. Lewis (Harcourt, 1956)

Lewis’ contemporary retelling of the Cupid and Pschye myth through the eyes of Psyche’s jealous sister Orual. Second read for me, and even better this time around. Pretty sure this is Lewis’ storytelling at his best.

Strange Practice by Vivian Shaw (Orbit, 2017)

This was a year to embrace fun, nerdy reads. So there was the Star Trek spoof Redshirts (with a plot twist I totally saw coming... and I am not good at guessing plot twists) and my first trip into the Star Wars extended book universe (or whatever the heck they call it these days) and… this. A story about a doctor for the undead in London, trying to solve the mysteries surrounding a murderous cult and keep her monster friends safe. Not the greatest, but a fun Halloween read. I’ll get to the sequel eventually. (See also: bad at finishing book series.)

Poetry for Everyone

Another new reading practice this year: always keeping a poetry book on the bedside table. Poetry books are best for leisurely dipping in and out rather than reading cover to cover. If you think poetry is only for the ivory towers, give these writers a try and think again.

A Child's Year by Christopher Yokel (Independent, 2018)

Okay, I’m biased here, but hey! Chris quietly released a new poetry book into the world this fall, and I’m a big fan of Chris AND his poems. A Child’s Year is a season cycle, sort of like his last book A Year in Weetamoo Woods, but this time it’s anchored by a four part poem recalling the journey of seasons through childhood eyes. And according to our friend Kirsten’s 7-year-old son, he gets the experience right. ;)

The Jubilee by John Blase (Bright Coppers Press, 2017) For his 50th birthday, John Blase released his first poetry book, with a poem for every year of life. It’s rare for me to make it through an entire collection start to finish but these were just so good. There are poems about aging — the author’s and his parents’ — and poems that evoke wide spaces and natural wonder. There are psalms and parables, and meditations on dying and, yes, living. All of them finely tuned with wisdom, gentle grace, and a touch of humor in all the right places. How I Discovered Poetry by Marilyn Nelson (Dial Books, 2014)

When I heard Marilyn Nelson read her poem “Thirteen-Year-Old American Negro Girl” on the On Being podcast, I was captivated. And when I found this lovely hardcover in a used bookstore back home in Florida, I knew I needed to read more. This is a memoir in poetry about growing up in a black military family during the American Civil Rights era, told with gentle lyricism, warmth, and humor. Plus, the book itself is lovely with whimsical illustrations and family photos.

Comics!

I’m always on a quest to get more comics in my life. Plus knocking out a whole series in a couple weeks is a solid way to pad out your Arbitrary Book Goal.

Amulet 1-7 by Kazu Kibuishi (Graphix, 2008-2016)

After their father’s tragic death, Emily and Navin move with their mom to a strange old house that belonged to their great-grandfather… and so the adventure begins. In this fantasy series, the two kids find themselves in an underground world of demons, robots, talking animals, and a dangerous and powerful Amulet. A captivating and beautifully illustrated fantasy tale. Ms. Marvel 1-5 by G. Willow Wilson (Marvel, 2014-2016)

Y’all, I super want to be a Marvel nerd. But alas, I can't keep up, so I get my sister to loan books to me. Ms. Marvel is my new fave. A Pakistani-American girl from Jersey City has the power to grow, shrink, and stretch her body at will. So she’s trying to fight crime, keep up at school, and well, stay out of trouble with her parents. So fun. (Dear Disney: I really want this kid to show up in Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. before it gets canceled kthxbye.)

The Legend of Wonder Woman by Ranae De Liz and Ray Dillon (DC Comics, 2016)

Weren’t we all mildly obsessed with Wonder Woman after the 2017 film? Another one I borrowed from my sister. A solid take on Diana’s origin story that’s accessible for comic n00bs (ahem, like me) who can’t figure out where to begin with beautiful art and a lot of heart.

The Classic I Finally Read

Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen I always try to tackle either a thick intimidating novel or an unread classic in the wintertime. This year, I worked on my Austen deficiency and discovered I relate a little too much to Elinor Dashwood.

What’s Next?

In the new year, I think my goal is less about numbers and more about reading widely. I liked the 50% women authors goal because it helped me actively choose to support women writers. This year, hoping to read more books by authors of color, explore some new ideas and genres, and hopefully do a better job reading deeply and taking notes. I’ve got my eye on Book Riot’s Read Harder Challenge too, perhaps as a way to dig into new things I wouldn’t normally notice. And yeah... perhaps a monthly reading life update is a thing I can do here on the blog. :)

If you’re curious to see the full list of What I Read This Year and follow along with me in 2019, feel free to follow me on Goodreads!

What were some of your favorite reads in 2018? And what are your goals for the new year? I’d love to hear all about it in the comments!

#art #books #reading #awesome of the year #readers of tumblr #reading list #favorite books #best of 2018 #readers are leaders yo

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st-crylo · 7 years

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Undercover & Undone 4

A/N: Yall I had to hold back bc tbh i was like yall need to kiss but its all good. Anyways sorry for being kinda MIA, I’ve been busy with school so it’s been a little difficult for me to write, but now that I’ve got the hang of things, I should be able to get more content out. Thanks for being patient, hope you guys enjoy!!!

Warnings: None

Word Count: 4.8K

Tagging: @stressedoutkylo

U&U Masterlist

Full Masterlist

You felt stress bubble up inside you as you waited for Matt and Ben to arrive. They were going to wish you good luck before you headed to the Cortenshis Estate. Thinking about how tonight was the night filled you with more anxiety than anything ever had. You kept fiddling with your fingers, unable to stay still as you waited for your two closest friends to arrive before you had to get ready. You couldn’t think of any way that this could go any easier, especially since you were terrified. What would you say? How would he react to seeing you again? Would he be happy or angry? You were making yourself sick just thinking about it. You had to find some sense of relief for your stress before the start of the Gala.

A knock at your door broke your haze of anxiety, causing you to hop up from your place on your loveseat and head over to open the door. Once you did, you were greeted by the smiling face of Matt, his glasses slightly frosted around the edges, and Ben, whose nose was slightly red at the tip from the wind.

“Hey, (y/n)!” Matt said as he walked into your apartment, shaking the snow off of his coat. He pulled you in for a hug, which had you shivering.

“Can you not just wait to hug me until after you take off your coat?” You asked as he pulled away. Ben simply gave you a pat on the back and smiled warmly at you.

“Well I figured that would be pointless since we aren’t staying very long,” Matt noted, sticking out his lower lip in a pout. You let out a light laugh and shook your head at him.

“So, how you feeling kid?” Ben asked, causing you to turn and face him. You grimaced at the question, beginning to twiddle your thumbs.

“I’m pretty nervous, actually,” you said softly, looking down at your hands. You felt a hand placed on your shoulder and looked up, making eye contact with Ben. His eyes seemed to burn with emotion, but what emotion you couldn’t quite distinguish.

“(y/n), you will do fine. I’m sure you’ve got this. We all believe in you,” he said reassuringly, causing you to smile. Hearing that everyone’s confidence was in you made you feel better about the situation as a whole.

“Well, we came to wish you good luck, and we’ve done that,” Matt said, breaking the silence between the three of you. You looked towards the blond and nodded, giving him a smile.

“Yeah, I need to call Luka so he can come pick me up,” you stated, giving the two Solo boys one last hug before they set off again. They both stomped over to the doorway and smiled back at you, waving goodbye before closing the door behind them as you rang up Luka. Knowing they had faith in you felt all the more better about tonight, and your ability to do the job at hand.

Kylo stared down at the black tuxedo laid across his bed. He let out a sigh and ran a hand through his head, scratching as he came to the back of his head. He wanted this night to be over as soon as possible, especially since he didn’t really want to socialize. He just wished he could send Tal and Valerium in his place, but he knew Cortenshis would take offense to something like that.

“Kylo, you in here?” came Phasma’s voice from outside the door, along with the barking of his two dogs.

“Yeah, why?” Kylo asked, walking over to the bedroom door. As soon as he did, the two pitbulls were jumping on him, and he scratched behind their ears before looking up at Phasma.

“I thought you’d like to know that Hux is probably going to start drama. At least, that’s what Mitaka was saying. He’s hoping that if he can get you angry enough, you’ll make a bad impression to Cortenshis,” she stated, a piece of her short blonde hair falling in front of her eyes.

“Of course he is,” Kylo said flatly. If Hux’s men were going to be insulting, Kylo highly doubted any of them could really hold back. Knowing it was deliberate, though, did help. Kylo let out a sigh as he scratched the back of his head. He couldn’t really expect Hux to be civil, could he? Even if he was planning to be civil with Hux, a rare occasion in and of itself.

“Also, Valerium and Tal are downstairs waiting for you. They have some questions about tonight that they want you to answer,” Phasma said before walking away. The dogs stopped wagging their tails as they watched Phasma walk away, and as soon as she was out of sight they returned their attention to Kylo. He leaned down to scratch both of their heads before walking out of his room and heading downstairs.

Valerium and Tal were both in the sitting room, each in their own armchair, both smoking on a cigarette. Valerium was very easily distinguished from Tal, as he sat with his back straights, legs crossed, and pale blond hair parted neatly. He wasn’t as rough as some of the other members of the Knights of Ren, but he was just as fierce. Tal, however, seemed to be more carefree than Valerium. He sat back in a very relaxed manner, his legs parted, and a smug grin on his face. His brown hair was in disarray on top of his head, heading in every which direction, looking blown from the winter wind outside. As Kylo approached, however, both men stood from the armchairs and shook the hand of their leader.

“You ready for tonight?” Tal asked Kylo, who simply shrugged before grabbing a cigarette of his own and taking the lighter from the table. After he took a drag, blowing out the light billowing smoke, he sat down.

“I just want it to be over,” Kylo remarked, taking another drag from his cigarette. The other men also sat down, taking drags themselves and returning to their previous postures.

“I couldn’t agree more,” Valerium responded, looking off into the distance and out of the large diamond pane window.

“It shouldn’t be too bad. If we don’t get bothered by Hux’s assholes, we should have this in the bag,” Tal stated, putting out his cigarette in the ashtray and cracking his knuckles.

“Yes, well, if they try to insult you, remember to keep your cool. We can’t afford to let this go in their favor,” Kylo stated before putting out his own cigarette and standing from his armchair. “I guess it’s time we go get ready.”

You stared at your reflection in Anne’s vanity mirror in awe. She’d made you absolutely gorgeous, and you almost didn’t recognize yourself with how dolled up you were. You couldn’t help but keep your mouth agape as you stared at your own reflection.

“Luka!” Anne called out through your haze of examining yourself. Luka quickly ran into the room, straightening himself up as he stepped beside his mother.

“Yes mom?” He asked, looking her in the eye. She returned a smile to him and then indicated to you.

“How does she look?”

You looked up at Luka, who instantly smiled when he saw you. His smile made you feel even more confident in yourself.

“You look amazing, (y/n). Wonderful job, Mom,” he said, resting his hand on his chin. You blushed, turning away and back to the vanity mirror.

“Now, we get you in the dress. Luka, go get the dress from the guest bedroom closet,” Anne demanded, holding out a hand to you so you could rise from the seat in front of the vanity.

After Luka retrieved the dress, you quickly got into it, afterwards adding the final touch of a beautiful silver necklace with a cut of aquamarine in the pendant.

“I think this fits very well with your outfit dear. Now, go wait with Luka downstairs. Guests should be arriving any time soon,” Anne said, pushing her blonde hair back as she shooed you out of the room. You softly thanked her before rushing out and then down the grand staircase of the magnificent home. Downstairs, there was a pair of shoes waiting for you by the end of the steps. You slipped them on with ease, growing a couple of inches from the heels, and then you headed to the sitting room where Luka was waiting for you.

To say you were nervous was an understatement, but as each passing second went by, you were filled less with dread and more with excitement. There were no real words to describe how wonderful it would be to see Kylo again after all these years. After all, out of the three Solo brothers, you were always closest to Kylo. Meeting him again was like a dream you’d never expected to become reality.

“You seem excited,” Luka noted as you sat down, flattening your gown as you plopped onto the armchair. You smiled and nodded, looking at the lit fireplace as the firewood crackled in the heat.

“It’s been so long since we’ve seen each other. I never thought I’d see him again,” you said, not looking up from the fire. The expression on your face dropped as anxiety filled you once more.

“You never explained to me how you knew each other,” Luka said, leaning forward in his seat so he could listen to your tale. You knew eventually you had to explain, it wasn’t like your familiarity with Kylo was anything bad, it was just simply something you had put off sharing. You smiled, though, as you thought of all the happy memories from childhood.

“Well, we actually grew up together, in Alderaan. It was me, Poe Dameron, Kylo, and his two brothers, Matt and Ben. I was closest with Kylo though,” you said, smiling fondly as you looked over to Luka. He smiled as well as he watched you, your reminiscent happiness almost contagious. “We used to go out to the lake every Sunday to skip rocks. I was always bad at it, but Kylo was like a master at it. Also, we’d always go to the movies together, sometimes it was all five of us, sometimes it was just me and Kylo.”

“So what happened?” Luka asked, causing the smile on your face to slowly drop. You wrapped an arm around yourself and looked back at the fireplace.

“He wasn’t happy staying in Alderaan anymore. Snoke sought him out because of who his grandfather was, and Kylo was just like Anakin. Even his mother thinks so. The last day I saw him, he said that the only reason he hadn’t gone with Snoke yet was because of me. I told him I didn’t want to be the thing keeping him in a place where he wasn’t happy,” you said, letting out a sigh. You remembered that day very vividly. You also remembered the phone call you’d received the next day from Ben telling you that Kylo had disappeared. Your heart had been broken but you felt at the time he would be happier.

“I’m sorry,” Luka said very softly, also turning to look to the fireplace pensively.

All of the sudden, a loud and resounding knock at the door caused the two of you to snap out of your depressing haze, and caused you to both look up.

“Well, I guess it’s time we make our way to the ballroom,” Luka said, standing from the armchair. You copied him, dusting off your skirt before following Luka out of the sitting room.

The haze of guests packed into the once empty ballroom as people in elegant gowns all crowded within. Kylo pulled lightly on his tie to help relive him from the stuffiness of the room. He looked over at Tal, who always walked with an air of confidence and always seemed to know what to do in social situations. Very much unlike Kylo.

“What’re you looking so anxious about?” Tal asked as he grabbed two flutes of champagne from a butler who walked by and handed Kylo one while he sipped from the other. Kylo frowned before taking a swig from the glass and then sighing.

“Because I don’t normally do this, Tal. You’re the one who does all the socializing,” Kylo said, his baritone voice rumbling deep in his chest. Tal shrugged as he took another sip from his champagne. His eyes wandered around the room, surveying all the guests he could see from where he, Tal, and Valerium were sitting.

“Val, why don’t you have some champagne?” Tal asked, looking past Kylo to see Valerium’s stone cold expression. Valerium frowned at Tal, which was something quite common, and let out a sigh.

“Because, Tal, someone has to be responsible here. Besides, I don’t like champagne,” Valerium stated very matter of factly as he pushed a piece of his silvery-blonde hair behind his ear. Tal threw his head back in a laugh as Kylo continued to shift awkwardly between the two. He was beginning to wonder if he should’ve brought more than just Tal and Valerium.

You scanned the ballroom in search of Kylo, hoping that you could at least catch a glimpse of him. However, with the ballroom beginning to fill up even more with all of Cortenshis’ guests, it was harder to distinguish any one person, so you resigned to eating some of the small snack foods laid out on the table that you and Luka happened to be standing by. Luka saw your resigned look and let out a laugh, taking hold of one of the toothpicks that had some random cheese attached.

“You’ll find him eventually. There’s only so many people here,” Luka assured you as he bit into the cheese. You sighed and turned away, looking out to the magnificent windows that lined the ballroom walls. The snow was falling lightly outside in the night air, riding along the wind wistfully.

The clinking of a spoon on glass had you snapped from your thoughts as you looked to where Lukas Cortenshis was standing, next to the small orchestra he’d hired for the night. Your eyes watched him as he cleared his throat, the ballroom going silent as their attention turned to their host.

“I’d like to thank you all for coming tonight,” Cortenshis started, “It’s always a pleasure to throw this gala every year, and it’s even better to see new faces each time. However, I of course do not do all the preparation alone. I’d like to thank my son Luka for helping organize the food and the guests for this year’s gala.”

Everyone clapped and turned to face Luka. As Kylo did so, he noticed someone next to him, smiling widely at Luka as he accepted all the compliments from the guests surrounding him.

For a moment, Kylo’s world went silent as he realized who it was standing next to Luka. He stopped clapping and simply stared wide eyed at the beautiful face he thought he’d never see again. You looked like a winter goddess in his eyes, the dress you were wearing looked like it was made from the snow falling from the sky and the bright winter sky in midday. He could hear his heart pounding in his chest as he watched you smile, a smile still so radiant it put the stars to shame.

“Kylo?” Tal all but yelled as the clapping died away and the guests returned to their socializing. Kylo turned towards Tal, his brows furrowed in confusion. Why were you here? Was it even you he was seeing, or someone who looked eerily like you? Kylo had to know so he turned towards Tal once more.

“Tal I need you to do me a favor,” Kylo said, running a hand through his jet black hair.

“Yeah, sure boss,” Tal said, standing up straighter next to Kylo. Kylo felt a tightness of anxiety in his chest as he turned back to where you and Luka were standing.

“That woman standing Luka, I need you to find out what her name is,” Kylo said softly, only loud enough for Tal to hear. Tal was confused by Kylo’s request, but nodded and headed towards Luka nonetheless.

You laughed at Luka’s comment about his father’s soon to be drunkenness when you noticed a tall figure approach the two of you. When you looked over, you felt a bit of disappointment seeing that it wasn’t Kylo. However, you did notice that Luka’s grin widened.

“Hello Tal,” Luka said, smirking at the man who’d just appeared.

“Hello Luka. Unfortunately I didn’t come just for you. Your friend here-“ Tal turned to look at you, giving you a warm smile, “has attracted the attention of a very nervous and unsociable man who would like to know her name. So, Madame, what is your name?” You blushed lightly at the thought of someone being too nervous to speak to you, but you still felt disappointed about Kylo, so you simply smiled back at Tal.

“It’s (y/n) (y/l/n),” you stated.

Kylo saw Tal pushing his way through the crowd of elegantly dressed guests and make his way ack to Kylo. Kylo started anxiously fiddling his fingers as Tal stepped closer until his friend was right in front of him.

“So?” Kylo asked, eager to see if it was really you.

“Her name is (y/n) (y/l/n),” Tal stated, a smile on his face. For the second time that night, everything seemed to slow down in Kylo’s world. So it was you, after all these years. You’d somehow manage to weasel your way back into his life, and he was nothing but elated, and yet terrified at the same time.

Kylo started walking towards you, ready to finally hear your voice again after all this time. It was too good to be true though, when he was stopped by a strong arm wrapped around his shoulder, causing him to be pulled back. Kylo let out a frustrated sigh as he looked down at the drunken face of Lukas Cortenshis. Suddenly, he was reminded of why he was even here in the first place, so he turned to Cortenshis with as much of a smile as he could muster.

“Kylo, my lad. I was beginning to worry you hadn’t come! So, how are you doing?” Cortenshis said, his cheeks rosy from the heat of the room and the alcohol combined. Kylo kept his forced smile on his face as he thought only about meeting up with you again.

“I’ve been good, Lukas. This really is a wonderful gala,” Kylo noted, trying to butter his way into Cortenshis’ favor so that he could slip away quickly.

“That’s damn good! Well, I know I’m being sought out by my wife somewhere, so I’ll speak with you later,” Cortenshis leaned in and lowered his voice. Kylo also leaned towards him so that he could hear the older man better. “I want to meet you and Hux in my office after most of the guests have left.” Kylo nodded and then watched as Cortenshis walked away, parting the crowd of people all socializing and dancing.

Kylo let out a sigh of relief as he turned back to head towards you…except you were no longer there. Kylo let out a groan of frustration as he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned and saw Tal smirking at him.

“Follow me boss,” he said, indicating for Kylo to follow him.

You shivered as you felt the cold wind hit your bare shoulders on the balcony that you and Luka had just gone to in order to escape the crowd within the ballroom. Though the garden from the view of the balcony was gorgeous, bushes of evergreen topped in snow, the cobblestone path through the garden cleared of all the snow, making the atmosphere surreal, you couldn’t help but still be a little anxious. You still hadn’t seen any trace of Kylo, and you doubted that he would find you out here on the balcony.

“Don’t worry, he’ll come soon enough,” Luka said, as if reading your thoughts. He was seated on the stone bench by the railing, his ankles crossed as he stretched his legs out. You frowned as you moved to sit next to him.

“How can you be so sure?” You asked with a sigh, threading your fingers together and placing them down on the skirt of your dress. You heard Luka let out a chuckle from beside you.

“Because I told Tal to come here, remember? Tal is Kylo’s right hand man,” Luka stated, causing you to perk up. So it was Kylo who had asked about your name earlier. The thought alone had a blush rising to your cheeks. You couldn’t wait until Luka brought him around.

As if on cue, the door to the balcony suddenly opened, revealing two men in black tuxedos walking out. You recognized Tal as soon as he stepped out, as he was the first of the two to join Luka and yourself on the balcony. As soon as you laid eyes on the second man, though, you slowly stood, watching him in awe.

He was slightly taller than when you’d last seen him, his hair longer as well. His overall appearance was more rugged, but in a way, you loved it, and it made him even more handsome. He had the same expression on his face that you did as he stared back at you, equally in awe of the situation.

For a moment, you forgot about everything, your shitty apartment, less than perfect job, or the task that Ben, Matt, and Poe had given you. The only thing you could focus on was Kylo, and you didn’t even notice yourself walking towards him until you found yourself wrapping your arms around him, burying your face into his chest.

He was shocked at first, after all part of him was convinced you’d never really wanted him, but after a few moments, he slowly wrapped his arms around you, pressing his cheek against the top of your head. He couldn’t really describe what he was feeling, he was simply overwhelmed with emotion.

“Luka, let’s leave them be,” Tal said to his lover as he pulled on the young man who was staring at you and Kylo with a dreamy expression on his face. Once the two of you were alone on the balcony, you looked up at Kylo’s face, taking him in as if he were merely a figment of your imagination, one that would blow away with the winter wind.

“Why are you here? Of all places, here, at Cortenshis’ winter gala?” Kylo asked, a bit of a chuckle in his voice as he looked down at you. You laughed as well, pushing a stray piece of hair behind your ear.

“Because I’ve been friends with Luka for about a month now. He invited me. Of course, his father thinks I might make his interest in men go away, but I doubt that will ever happen,” you said, letting out a laugh. You felt your cheeks heat up slightly as you watched Kylo’s expression.

The rest of the gala was spent talking to each other endlessly, catching up after all the years the two of you had gone without seeing each other, and also occasionally dancing together, causing other people to leave room for the two of you in the ballroom. Everyone watched in awe, trying to get a look at the girl who had all of Kylo Ren’s attention. You couldn’t give them any thought though, you were just happy to be with Kylo again.

“And to think that I’ll be working at this awful diner until I can find something better is driving me insane,” you ranted as the two of you stood by the food table, sipping on champagne as Kylo listened to your ramblings intently. It was something you’d always appreciated about him, his ability to listen attentively.

Suddenly, you heard someone clearing their throat beside the two of you. You looked up at a man who was almost as tall as Kylo, but not quite, his blue eyes seeming cold, and his silvery blonde hair slicked back neatly.

“Ren, Cortenshis is looking for us,” he stated, looking at Kylo and purposely keeping his gaze away from you. You frowned at this man’s behavior. What had you done to him?

“Of course, thanks Valerium. (y/n), you should wait until I’m done speaking with Cortenshis. There’s something I want to ask you when I’m done,” he said, giving you a smirk that made your heart leap in your chest. As Kylo walked away, the man called Valerium gave you a once over, and a flash of disgust appeared on his face before he followed Kylo. You frowned as you watched the two of them walk away.

After a few seconds, Luka appeared next to you, his hair in disarray and a smirk on his face.

“I suppose your job was easier than everyone was making it seem, huh?” he asked as he leaned against the table containing the last of the food in the now emptying ballroom. Your frowned deepened at his words as everything you were meant to be doing came back to you.

“Yeah, I guess so. It’s amazing what missing a person can do,” you noted, your eyes scanning the ballroom for nothing in particular.

“Are you talking about you or him?” You frowned as you looked up at Luka, confused by his question.

“What do you mean?” you asked, crossing your arms and furrowing your brows as you leaned against the table as well.

“C’mon, (y/n), it’s obvious you missed him, and that you care for him. The question is though, do you care for him enough to not do the job that Dameron expects of you?”

You thought a bit about his question before letting out a sigh. In a way, he had a point, not that you would ever admit it to anyone other than Luka. However, no, you didn’t think you cared enough about Kylo to completely omit the friends who had been by your side since childhood.

After a while of you and Luka waiting for Kylo and Tal, the two men finally walked into the ballroom, Kylo expressionless, but Tal holding the widest grin you’d ever seen in your life. You turned to Kylo who seemed a bit nervous as he looked down at you before giving you a small smirk.

“Will you come with me really quick?” he asked, holding out his hand for you to take. You felt your heart flip again, but then you remembered. I have a job to do, I can’t let him charm me like he used to. You took his hand and he lead you back out to the balcony, the winds now calmed from earlier, and snow no longer falling from the sky.

“I just, uh, wanted to know if, um, you aren’t busy on Tuesday, if you would want to get dinner,” he said, looking down at his feet as he asked. You felt a blush creep up on your cheeks and you mentally cursed yourself for feeling anything for him.

“I would love to,” you said softly, smiling up at him. His face came up to look at yours, searching it as if to make sure he had heard you right, and that he was looking for any indication otherwise. After he realized that he had indeed heard you right, the corners of his mouth turned up into a smile.

“Great! Do you want me to take you home tonight? I’m sure my driver wouldn’t mind,” he said, running a hand through his black hair.

“Thanks for the offer, but Luka is gonna take me home tonight. I’ll give you my telephone number though, so you can call me and I’ll tell you my address,” you said. He grimaced and nodded, following you inside so that you could give him your telephone number. Once you’d done so, the two of you exchanged your goodbyes for the night. Kylo brought you in for a quick hug and looked over you once more as if to assure himself that you were real.

“I’ll call you,” he said with a smile before turning towards Tal and Valerium, both of which were holding completely opposite expressions.

After everyone had gone, you got undressed and then back into the clothes in which you arrived. As soon as you went down the stairs, Luka was waiting for you, the keys to his Cadillac in hand.

Once you had gotten home, you changed into a nightgown and laid on the bed, staring at the ceiling as you thought about the night you’d just had. With a sigh, you kept thinking back to Kylo’s face when he first saw you. With a frown, you scowled at yourself for being attracted to him, but deep down you knew there was no real way to stop it. The connection between you had always been there, and it seemed that even the years apart couldn’t break that bond.

#kylo ren x reader #kylo ren fanfiction #kylo ren AU #reader insert #solo triplets #solo triplet au

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choco-chip-cookie · 7 years

Text

SugarDaddy!Cal Pt. 16

A/N: Yall got that last chapter to 100 so quick maan, but here is chapter 16. It's not much, just a little filler that got too long lmaoo. Y'all like don't understand how hard it was to write this simple ass chapter. All of the good stuff (especially the smut some have been begging for) is going to be in the following parts. If you've stuck with me this long you know the drill of 100 notes and feedback and I hope you enjoy💕

I already have pt 17 written as well, so the quicker this gets to 100 the quicker I can release it ;)

**WARNING**: Profanity as always because she's a potty mouth

One/ Two/ Three/ Four/Five/Six/Seven/Eight/ Nine/Ten/Eleven/Twelve/Thirteen/Fourteen/Fifteen Sixteen/ Seventeen/ Eighteen/ Nineteen/Twenty{END}

"Y/N." A gruff and raspy voice was the first thing you heard as you were being shaken from your slumber. Your name was called again and again until you finally peeped one eye open to be faced with Calum's soft features. "Babe, get up."

"For what?" You groaned as he placed his body on top of yours. You allowed him to rest there , too tired to protest about how heavy he was.

"It's a meeting all of us have to go to in about ten minutes and we're already going to be late."

"Why do I have to get up?"

Sighing loudly, Calum began to place innocent kisses all over the bare skin of your shoulder due to his shirt slouching from it."Because David wants you at this meeting too."

With another groan you decided that you were done with the questioning. Calum lifted himself away from you and couldn't stop himself as he planted a kiss onto your full lips.

"Come on, princess. You showered last night so you can skip this one, we have to go."

"I don't have clothes and I don’t have the energy to get dressed." You argued poorly and tugged the covers over your head.

Calum rolled his eyes in slight annoyance and went to search his closest for either your clothes or something of his that was decent enough. Once he found a pair of jean shorts in his hamper and one of your favorite shirts of his, he tossed them on your face. He knew you were both hungover and definitely not a morning person, but this was ridiculous.

"Seriously, Y/N. We have less than five minutes now."

When he got nothing from you in return Calum let out another loud sigh of annoyance. He pulled the covers that were hiding you away from the world and struggled to remove the old band shirt from your body. You were halfway up by now, but decided to just let Calum continue with dressing you. After he slid the shirt over the top half of you, you lifted your hips as he leaned over your body, wrapping your legs around his torso and trying to keep your playful smile at bay.

"We don't have time to play, let me go." He tried to stay stern, but the grin on his face contradicted his seriousness."Babe."

"Gimmie a kiss."

"Y/N-"

"Gimmie a kiss." You whined this time and Calum rolled his eyes playfully before leaning down and placing a chaste kiss to your lips."No! A real kiss." For the second time you felt the soft, plumpness of his lips wrapped around your bottom one before he pulled away from you.

Your legs finally unlocked from around him so that he could tug the shorts up what he loved to call your "stubs" of legs. Once you were completely dressed he pulled you up by your arms and stood you upright, the two of you erupting in giggles when your tangled mane of coils covered the majority of your face.

"You're pitiful, you know that?" Calum teased and you huffed, your curls moving away momentarily before falling in the place they were in once in."I'm gonna give you no more than five extra minutes to wash up."

"Fine."

"Go on." Calum gave your butt a couple of encouraging pats before leaving you alone in the room.

As you brushed your teeth and what not, the boys were already gathering in the car and getting the seating arrangements together. Calum took a seat behind Michael and ignored the complaints from Ashton as he asked what was taking you so long. The Maori gnawed on his bottom lip nervously as he thought about what would possibly go on at this meeting, especially with the attitude you were harboring.

"Do you think she's going to get in major trouble?" He asked his best friends who all turned towards him with their faces showing confusion.

"Who, Y/N?" Michael question and continued after answering the question in his head." I mean...there's not much they can do to her since she's not really on a contract or anything, you know?"

"I know, but what if Nicole really presses charges? Then she'll be caught up with the law and-"

"Cal, relax" Luke laughed lightly." Y/N's gonna be fine, don't over think it."

Ashton started up the car as he saw you slowly trudging out of the house, your hair still wild and all over the place. You climbed over Calum to sit between he and Luke, laying your head in his lap and trying to get a few more moments of rest before you arrived at your destination.

"Why are you so tired today?"

"It's eight in the morning and I'm hungover." You answered."Do the math."

"There's no math to be done." Calum said smartly and you raised your finger to flip him off.

He took the black headband from your wrist and took the time to gather your curls the best he could and put them into a ponytail. It would have to do since apparently you were refusing to deal wit it.

"So, you're the infamous Y/N, huh?"

"I guess so." Shrugging nonchalantly, you only eyed David for a few seconds before returning your gaze to you phone to let Connor know that Calum didn't kill you last night.

"Yeah, that's the bitch who did this to my face." Nicole's voice sounded and looked up to find that she was sitting a little further in the corner. You hadn't even noticed the red haired girl when you initially walked in.

"I straight fipped yo shit." You snorted as you noticed the black eye and busted lip along with the smaller bruise resting on her cheek.

"Oh fuck you."Nicole rolled her eyes.

"What does that even mean?" You heard Michael whisper to Calum who shrugged his shoulders to notify that he was just as confused as to what the term meant.

"Ladies, ladies, settle down." David warned."If you can't act in a civil manner I will have both of you escorted out of here. Now, Ms. Y/L/N, I've heard Nicole's side of the story, please fill free to tell me yours."

David listened intently as you explained what all went down in the club the previous night. He and the other guys had found the story to be extremely amusing as you had to add side effects and use your hands wildly as most black people do when they described a fight. Of course David had to interrupt at certain times to catch along after you used a slang term that he couldn't even have guessed the meaning to, but you didn't mind. Hell, half of the words didn't make sense to you at first either.

"It seems to me that you were both at fault."

"Nah, pretty Ms. Barbie poured her drink on me and kept putting her finger in my face, so I reacted." You dismissed it.

"You could've handled it better, Y/N." her argued.

"See, back where I'm from that was the proper way to handle it." You tried to explain."You get bold and get to wolfin' at somebody, then you have to back it up. Don't talk shit if you can't throw hands."

"Well, this isn't the fucking hood or the ghetto." Nicole sneered,"Learn some real ma-"

"Ahhh shut up, hoe." You laughed as you tossed a pen at her, immediately being scolded by Calum afterwards."You met the right one, that's all imma say to you."

"I just want you to know that we can't have this, alright?" David ignored the small banter going on between the two so that you could get a better understanding as to why this was more serious than you thought.

"I know, but-"

"No, I get your reasoning, honestly I do, but this is unacceptable. We're trying to keep positive attention on the boys and no offense, you only bring around negative. It started with the gold digger rumors, then the cheating rumors, and now this fight is floating all over the internet which furthermore adds to the cheating rumors."

"Look, Calum was mine, okay? Ain't nobody tell her to waltz up into his life suddenly and then just expect me to drop him completely. He might've did me like that, but I can't just drop him."

"Y/N." David sighed frustratingly." I get that-"

"Apparently you don't if you keep telling me to leave him alone." You snapped and Calum placed a hand onto your thigh, massaging it lightly as a way to calm you down."And it doesn't help that he won't leave me alone either, so you're just going to have to find another way to go about it."

"I thought I told you not to see her anymore?"

At this everyone turned towards Calum and waited for his response. His mouth kept opening and closing as he tried to find an excuse that would make sense, but eventually just sighed as nothing came to mind.

"It's hard."

"Really, mate, that's it?" Ashton laughed."Its hard?"

"Shut up."

"You know what, here's the deal."

David explained to you how you and Calum most definitely couldn't be seen together in public after this unless the other guys were with you. He also went into detail on how to address the cheating rumors and the reasoning as to why you were fighting Nicole by simply saying that you were already in a relationship and it was a simple misunderstanding. You were not allowed to speak or be near Nicole if you could avoid it and vice versa, since that would be the only way to keep you two from bickering. All while he set out what you only describe as rules, you paid him no attention really. Who was this man, who was unknown to you might I add, to tell you what you can and can't do? You weren't his child and he definitely didn't pay your bills.

"Is that understood everyone?" David concluded and there was a series of yes's or yeah's." Then you're dismissed."

"Calum!" Michael shouted as he raced into the backyard where Calum was resting with his cap protecting his face from the harsh sun rays.

"Yeah?"

"Y/N is dragging Nicole on Snapchat."

"You've got to be kidding?"

Michael clicked your story to replay it for the second time and sat quietly as his friend listened to what you were saying. Apparently Nicole had said something about you on twitter only for the fans to send screenshots and get you riled up about it. So, here you were going on and on about how shitty of a person she was and how you would "pull up real quick".

Calum groaned in annoyance and Michael pat his back, chuckles leaving his lips at his friend's distress." She's wild, mate. We love it."

"Shut up, Mike."

~ We literally just left a meeting hours ago about this ~ I was there and so was she ~ I was going on about my day and she gon sneak diss on twitter, knowing damn well that I don't have one ~ I can't with this, really ~ Yo girl is the one trippin, Cal...She don't understand that I'll pullup on her quick asf ~ Why are you so quick to fight? ~ Im not ~ The fight with Nicole makes the seconds one I've had my whole life...she just pisses me tf off ~ Just chill, please ~ Bruh ~ For me ~ This is my career and it's the only reason why this drama is spreading like a wildfire...I really don't need this ~ Fine, damn ~ Thank you...I'll talk to Nicole about it too ~ You betta before I get a hold of her again ~ Go just relax okay? ~ And the boys and I are going to explore a new park Ashton found. Wanna go? ~ Sure, pick me up later

"Okay, when you said park I imagined like swings and slides and shit." You told them as you took in the scenery before you."Not the damn woods."

"I've realized that you do this every time we have to walk somewhere outside, Y/N." Calum laughed and you let out a few giggles as well, knowing that his observation was true.

"You know I don't really like nature like that. It's hot as hell and there's so many bugs, I just can't ."

He interlocked your fingers with his and tugged you behind him so that you could catch up with the other guys." Well you're already here now, so you kind of don't have a choice."

When you halted and caused Calum to stop walking as well he looked over his shoulder with a face full of confusion.

"You're gonna have to carry me, cause I'm not walking through that mud in these shoes."

Calum rolled his eyes as he eyed the black Yeezys he bought for you a while back, turning around slowly and bending down enough to where you could hop onto his back. Your legs wrapped around his waist and you held on tightly to his shoulders before he began to follow the trail to rejoin his friends.

"Why would you even wear those?"

"I thought we were going to a simple park. Do you think I'd go hiking in thousand dollar shoes?"

"If I bought you a pair of hiking shoes for a thousand dollars you would." He replied smartly and you smacked your lips.

"You know what I mean."

Eventually you caught up with the guys and it was a peaceful silence among the five of you as you walked the trail. You listened to the sounds of birds chirping and admired the multitude of beautiful, bright colored flowers adorning the trail. Every now and then Ashton would spot something he either read or heard about and gave you all a little fact about the certain plant, which you thought that it was beyond adorable. When you rested your head onto Calum's shoulder he smiled slightly and turned his head to look at you.

"Can I get a kiss?"

"No."

"Why not?" He whined like a kid and you let out a few giggles.

"Because the boys are here and you're not even supposed to be seen with me."

Calum continued to bargain with you by saying,"But no one is around, and they definitely don't care."

"Cal-"

Calum placed a quick kiss to your lips and grinned at you as if had accomplished some important mission. You rolled your eyes playfully and pecked his lips one more time so that he could pay attention to where he was walking and not drop you.

"Could you two stop being so cute?" Michael teased and Calum face heated up while you just laughed at him." Just wait until Nicole finds out about these little kisses."

"Shut up, Michael." You flipped him off and the blonde boy laughed and turned his attention to messing with Luke instead.

"Your foot keeps brushing my dick and it's strangely turning me on." Calum whispered only loud enough for you to hear and you choked on your saliva, looking at him with wild eyes." What?"

"You can't just say- are you seriously hard right now?"

"Just semi..."

"Only you, Calum. Only you." You laughed and pressed a kiss to his neck. You then decided to tease him by lightly sucking a hickey onto his skin and he quietly moaned at the painful, yet pleasurable feel.

"You do know that I'll walk off to get us alone and fuck you against a tree, right?" He smirked and you could feel the fire burning between your legs. You hadn't had a release in a while and desperately needed one.

"Maybe if you keep being a sweet boy, I'll let you have me all night."

"Deal?" He made sure you were secure in his arms as he held up his pinky finger and waited patiently to wrap around his. His smile widened once you smaller pinky went around his and you pressed a kiss to both fingers.

"Deal."

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