#after deviantart pulled this shit why would you do it too

[ganondoodle]

there goes my favorite drawing software ...

i defended their plans for the version2 and all, bc i didnt see much wrong with it and liked csp alot, but i guess i should have become a hater back then already

after that one big mistake that sparked so much outrage they really said but how can we actually lose EVERYONE, they saw deviantart doing it and thought BET I CAN DO IT FASTER

(they say they dont use user data but are basing it on stable diffusion of all things, they literally only ask people to think morally/ethically when using it to not use stolen stuff like thats ever worked with anything ever, plus "we cant guarantee that there will be no copyright infringement" OH YOU DONT SAY)

#ganondoodles talks #clip studio #AI crap #RIGHT when i was slowly getting back into everything #after having to come to terms with the fact that twitter is turning into a facists dreamland #WHY CSP WHY #i had FAITH #after deviantart pulled this shit why would you do it too #god i am fuming #fuck his hell world #see how you do once art disappears #you cant treat artists like replaceable dirt soup forever #since they said they will dis continue it once vers2 comes out #guess im never buying that new version and stay with 1 forever #i really yall spam their damn feedback survey once its out #maybe ... MAYBE if we yell enough at them #the hope for them to turn around on this is thinner than a spiders thread #and yet im trying to hold onto it #whats left really

[fecto-forgo]

Character ask game:

Suzy 1, 2, 20, 25

Forgo 4, 9, 23, 25

Elfilin 1, 3, 14

Zan 1, 2, 14, 19, 20, 23

this feels like i finally got fed after three weeks oh my god the excitement is getting physical my throat hurts from breathing too fast AKHSKAHSKAJAK

susie!

1.why do you like or dislike this character?

i rlyyy like how susie is ultimately awful bc its for her benefit thats still fueled by a sympathetic reason i think that makes her extremely interesting.also shes so funny i love characters who r painfully teenage girlie feminine

2.favorite canon thing about this character?

"yippee!" said the susie after her seemingly successful revenge plan.extremely funny of her.

20.which other character is the ideal best friend for this character?

obligatory mention wave 3 in general all would get along w only mildly wanting to kill each other out of sheer annoyance.also i think you can pair susie w any of the other female characters n theyd get along great after a month of her having an obligatory one sided girl rivalry w them.ive said this before but i think you can put her in any 00s girl cartoon abt an overly feminine friend group n shed thrive in the new environment

25.what was your first impression of this character? how about now?

i was soooo hyped to play robobot bc she was cute n sounded extremely funny n ppl were mad she was too bad for reasons that sounded like double standards bs which is essentially like an arrow pointing me towards the character getting that kinda treatment 🩷

fecto forgo!

4.if you could put this character in any other media, what would you put in them?

i think we should throw it in invader zim i think itd have fun there.i already associate a lot of scenes between zim n gir w forgo n elfilin lmao

9.could you be roommates with this character?

yah i think we would get along well 🩷

23.favorite picture of this character?

COMPUTER PULL UP MY 100 NOTES FORGO POST

very nice. (credit)

25.what was your first impression of this character? how about now?

it was literally love at first sight my bestie wanted me to check the final boss song for katfl to tell her the vibes but the only upload was that video that only has like.inner code names for the songs so i missed elfilis n clicked chimera instead n was like oh holy shit this is MAD good!!! then she finally got to the end of the game n omg silly little revenge fetus 🩷🩷🩷 so silly 🩷🩷🩷 i love you 🩷🩷🩷

elfilin!

1.why do you like or dislike this character?

i think elfilin is cute n looks like a 00s deviantart oc n is extremely funny to bully.i wish i had smth big to say on him but hes just entertaining.lil guy.i wanna waterboard him for shit n giggles

3.least favorite canon thing about this character?

as i saiddd theres.not a lot to say on him?? thats the answer for the question btw theres just.not a lot to him other than some of his dialogue shows he has never been outside before.i feel? i dont own katfl but from reading summaries n the script it feels bc they RLY wanted the forgo elfilis lab split twist to be this huge secret thing elfilin ended up paying in just being a silly goodie two shoes amnesiac half.hes fine i like him! just.not a lot to the little man in comparison to modern kirb characters n even his twin.

14.assign a fashion aesthetic to this character

SOMEONE THROW HIM IN OLD 00S SCENE WEEB KID DEVIANTART HE NEEDS IT.HE NEEDS THE CARAMELLDANSEN HE NEEDS TO WATCH LUCKY STAR HE NEEDS TO TRACE BASES ON MS PAINT N MAKE KANDI BRACELETS

zan partizanne!

1.why do you like or dislike this character?

i think its v clear by now if a girl is mean n funny abt it i will immediately start stanning.check that.she has a little plot of being very attached to a figure who can be interpreted as a parental figure despite said figures mistreatment.check that.shes cute.check that.she laughs abt trying to kill someone.check that.her mental illness is severe.check that.shes yellow best color after pink.check that.she has the social skills of moldy cardboard in the "just seems angry n mean??" flavor.check that.well damn seems like she meets all my standards!

2.favorite canon thing about this character?

omggg what do i even chooseeeee her mean nicknames r so funny i love how they contrast she calls her sisters "darling franny and berge" but i also love how silly her attack names r.you got the coolest reference to a god n then "spell it w Z so it sounds cooler" "named after candy/rock music" but i alsooo love the severe tragedy of her relationship w hyness n her 50 mental disorders.the clinging to someone who cast her aside like a broken weapon.the clinging to an ideology that ends w a guaranteed paradise after being an inevitable willing death that was given to her by the one who saved her from her own attempt at ending her life.

but i also love shes such a little cutie pie <333 girlie pop laughs when trying to kill you n wanted to see a shooting star sooo badly (we ignore she harassed a child over this) (her awful behavior is an ideal coping mechanism to her inner turmoil! if we try giving her anything else shes gonna get mad or stare at the wall blankly for 20 minutes)

14.assign a fashion aesthetic to this character

i wish i could but frankly im not sure her closet is anything but 50 copies of her cult outfit like a cartoon characters.i think if you placed her in a fashion store she wouldnt know what to do too much choice n she doesnt want to wear anything else shes gonna get overwhelmed.its a miracle she owns a different hat by the time of that anniversary illustration.rip girl go get some boots w spikes or smth maybe youll feel better

19.how about a relationship they have in canon that you don't like?

BEATING HYNESS W 500 HAMMERS FOREVER N EVER GOD FUCKING DAMN IT GRANDPA!!! THIS RELATIONSHIP IS FUCKED!!! GET MY GIRL OUT OF HERE (dont i dont think shes functional outside of that cult before the end of the game i think shed die) (i have overthought hcs on the the mages feelings on the cult n theyre all fucked) SHES EMOTIONALLY LATCHED ON SOMEONE WHO HASNT LOVED HER IN YEARS.ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS NOT CHOOSE REVENGE ON A BUNCH OF PPL WHO PROBABLY ALREADY DIED OVER YOUR KIDS GRANDPA!!! dont get me started on how she acts abt excusing him in that one chapter of the second novel god FUCKING damn it i hate hyness hes so lucky shed be soooo happy to have him back to normal n alive that i let him live.also bc i dont think he earned death i am going to shove the consequences of his actions down his throat till he chokes.also fucked up to put a suicidal child in your death cult listen grandpa i know you genuinely loved her back then n believed this was good for her but still jesus dude.jesus.

20.which other character is the ideal best friend for this character?

i think flamberge n francisca r an instant obvious answer like i dont even have to explain it i think before hyness' corruption the trio was glued to each other most of the time

for some other answers i think shed get along well enough w taranza they probably go to the same therapist for like half the same issues.also for some reason this made me think of what a funny bad mess itd be to put taranza during/right after triple deluxe n zan during/right after star allies in the same room.christ theyd enable each others apologism for their shitty beloved leaders n enable each others self victim blaming so bad.

i am no longer legally allowed to mention susie n zan together but god knows i love yuri.

23.favorite picture of this character

TAKE ALL OF THE ONES I COULD IMMEDIATELY FIND ALL HER OFFICIAL ART IS SO GOOD I LOVE YOU BABY GIRL.MY.MY LITTLE MEOW MEOW.MY BELOVED CULT SKRUNKLY MY FAVORITE ABUSE APOLOGIST

#ask #typing this gave me soooo much autistic joy i owe you my life...

[oneofthosesimps]

Freak like Me

pairing: levi x fem!reader I nsfw

word count: 6230

summary: as soon as the reader enters levi's life, something changes in him. reader's madness spills over and he slowly changes

warnings: mention of blood (not yours), rough sex, dirtytalk, daddy kink, swearing, dom x dom, fight scene

authors note: although i wanted to write shorter stories again, this one somehow got longer again. i tried my hand at an action scene, but i still have to practice a lot. somehow i had strong harley x joker vibes and they had to come out, sorry.

all credits to the artist of this pic:

Lensar on DeviantArt

-----

Your gaze falls into the depths of the forest before you close your eyes. Bright rays of sunlight fall through the branches above you and warm your face. You hear birds chirping around you, the crackling of the wood beneath you, the rustling of leaves swirling in a gust of wind. You breathe deeply as your open hair blows back. You hear your heart beating quietly in your chest as the silence embraces you like an old friend. What does freedom mean? What does life mean? You are sure that this is pretty close to the source. The people behind the wall, who go about their lives every day hoping to see the next day, would never get to see this world. Especially not the people you left behind in the underground.

A grin plays around your lips as you hear the hissing far off in the distance. The trees groan behind you under the force with which the hooks bore into their bark. That took a long time, you think to yourself, as ropes speed past you. You hear the chatter and shouts of your comrades in fragments, shattering the silence around you. Blurred faces shoot past you one after the other.

You spread your arms and stretch them away from you. One last deep breath fills your lungs before you hold your breath. Slowly your body falls backwards before you lose your footing beneath you and plunge headlong into the depths. The air hisses loudly past your ears, your body spins around itself. You are weightless, the green blurs around you before your whole body is pressed full force into your harness and you are yanked back up. You hear the gas sweep around you as you fly through the air, trailing the others. Your hooks bore further away into the trunk of a thick, old tree. You take momentum, flying high into the treetops, letting the ropes come back to you. Unsecured, you fall through space. Your body does a backward roll, allowing you to observe the forest floor for a brief moment. The moss nestles around the roots of the trees, single brown leaves cover the forest path, bodies move forward beneath you, you can still see a squirrel quickly making its way to safety before your body returns to its normal position and you dig your hooks into a tree again. You zip between the trees, your cape flying behind you, your face brushing some branches that bore into your tender skin. You hear the pop of a cannon being fired and see red smoke in the sky northwest of you.

Immediately you change direction, sprinting forward, leaving behind other cadets who still haven't processed what is happening. Arriving in a clearing, you find your place on a thick branch high above. Further in the distance, you see the shaking of trees, the earth shaking slightly, making the grass dance on the ground. You hear heavy footsteps, still moving slowly.

The branch below you moves and you look to your right. Silver eyes stare at you from beneath tousled black hair, eyeing your small body.

"You really do have to keep pushing forward." You hear more bodies land on the trees behind you and the wood weighs down slightly. The rest of your squad waits for instruction from your captain.

"I guess this is why I'll never get my own Squad, sir."

You turn your gaze back to the direction the titan is coming at you from and grin.

"What do you think, fifteen seconds?"

"Mmm, more like ten," Levi guesses, and the tremor intensifies. A huge hand grips around a tree trunk, pulling out from between the trees, and big eyes stare at you. Nearly ten-metres high, abnormal.

"Let's see what you can do then, humanity's strongest soldier." He snorts and rolls his eyes before his whole body moves forward with a jerk. He pulls his swords from their holsters and places them close to his body. With an ease and without the titan even noticing him, he cuts a chunk out of his neck. Before Levi even gets back beside you, the giant falls to the ground and starts to steam.

That wasn't even seven. He crosses his arms in front of his chest, the blood on his face slowly disappears and he looks at you. A small smirk curls his lips, "Brat."

You snort and slam your fist against his shoulder.

Special.

That's the word everyone would use to describe your relationship.

Special.

The first time Levi laid his eyes on you, when he saw you among all the new, shitty cadets, his foot hit your stomach area shortly after. You lacked respect and you lacked punctuality and discipline too. Another pile of shit he had to deal with - or work on until it headed home in tears.

The day after that, he hit your face with his fist. Kneeling on the floor in front of him, panting, you looked up at him. Wiping blood from your lips, you grinned at him and looked at him with wide eyes, your pupils exploding. "That's all you got, sir." Just as he was about to grit his teeth and lunge with his foot to beat the living daylights out of you, Hange stopped him. He tore himself away from her and knelt down to you, looking at you with dead eyes, "I'm going to make your fucking life a living hell." Your tongue licked over your lower lip, wiping away the remaining blood and your grin widened, "Try me."

He kept his word, always picking you out, giving you more tasks, making you run round after round, cleaning the whole headquarters, beating up your little body several times, but to his displeasure you did it all flawlessly. Yes, you lacked respect and also punctuality and discipline, but your performance was amazing, almost close to his. And when he finally saw the potential in you that Erwin had been talking about all along, it suddenly stopped - he left you alone, saw you with different eyes. Something changed in him, as if a plug had been pulled. You watched each other across the field during training, in mess hall at dinner, every spare minute your eyes spent on each other and gradually butterflies crept into the pit of your stomach. And you had the feeling that behind the cold silver there was something deep and dark that you wanted to bring to the surface. Your exchanges were still kept to a minimum, however, until there was another bang.

"That's the stupidest plan I've heard in a long time," you snort, raising an eyebrow.

"Excuse me, brat?" You roll your eyes and stare at him just as coldly as it hits you. The temperature in the room drops noticeably and the others at the table hold their breath. No one dares to say anything. No one would dare say anything. The moonlight from outside shines in, the candles in the room flicker slightly and trace sharp edges on your faces.

"That's the stupidest plan I've heard in a long time," you repeat louder, "Better, sir?"

Levi's eyes blaze and he stares at you. His eyebrows draw together, the corners of his mouth drop. You see Armin open his mouth speechlessly to your right.

Your hairs stand up, the electricity rises and you bite your lower lip, grinning.

"You doubt my plan?" says Levi low and monotone. Jean's hand lands on your shoulder and he grips it, pressing you into your seat to save you from your own stupidity, but it wasn't you who was stupid, it was the whole plan Levi had just explained to you.

"Not only do I doubt it, but I also have a better one," your grin widens as Levi's liquid silver darkens. "Let me fight on the front lines. Mikasa is good, but I'm better".

"For that, you're an incorrigible little bitch who won't listen to my orders".

"Yes, because my plans usually make more sense".

"You're not ready for that. Your cluelessness only makes you run from one titan to another. That statement alone shows me how small your brain is if you're not even aware of it and now shut your mouth."

Jean's grip tightens, but you just push his hand away from you. After your next blink, your heart jumps a tiny bit as you see Levi's annoyed face. He is always good at holding back his anger and it never shows. In fact, he almost never shows any emotion, but you see right through him. He has it bubbling up inside him. Never contradicts him and if he does, the person suffers a thousand deaths afterwards. But between you it is somehow different, tingling. It gives you the greatest pleasure to see him like this and you know, deep inside him, a voice is telling him that he enjoys it too. Others would describe you as crazy and full of the courage to live, but that's what makes it all so appealing.

"Maybe we can find a compromise?" suggests Armin and you see the sweat on his brow as he almost shits himself at the words. You roll your eyes and look back at Levi.

"I thought you wanted to make my life hell. So that's a good start," you remind him of the first words he ever said to you.

"Your plans are bullshit. If I let you keep fighting up front, you'll probably get yourself killed by your insanity, " he growls, almost at his limit. But only almost.

You lean over slightly, look at him, smile slightly, grin, bite your lip again, breathe, "I have a feeling you like this madness, Levi."

He tenses slightly, draws his eyebrows together again as his name passes your lips. Connie coughs and tries to draw attention to himself, but everyone ignores him. It seems like everyone is in a state of shock because you simply addressed him by his first name. Everyone watches spellbound as you literally eye-fuck each other. Do they like the show? Almost at his limit.

"Tch, what did you just call me, brat?" his voice gets louder and his hands form into fists. You lean back in your chair again and look at him, bored.

"Oh, I didn't know you had such bad hearing. Don't you like Levi? That's your name, isn't it? Do you prefer Sir? Or Captain? Or maybe," your eyes looked up at him, burning into him, "Daddy?" At his limit. Pathetic.

A deep dark sound comes from his throat and the others hold their breath again. His whole posture grows stronger and wider. You see the muscles working under his clothes, see veins popping on his hand and you feel butterflies in your stomach. His eyes are black. You all sit like that for a few seconds. You watch his gestures and his face change emotions. Without warning, his right hand hits the table flat, "Fuck off."

The sound cuts through the silence and the weaklings among you flinch. Confused, no one moves, while your eyes do not leave each other's. Armin is about to open his mouth and Jean is about to put his hand on your shoulder again when Levi stands up with a jerk, his chair tipping backwards and hitting the wooden floor with a thud.

"I said fuck off," he roars, looking around with a death glare.

Chairs squeak, footsteps run across the wooden floor, making it creak.

"What have you done now?" whispers Jean in your ear and you give him a look before he walks behind the others and the door closes.

The scene stops again and you stare at Levi. Both hands flat on the table in front of him, leaning on his arms and looking down, he stands there. You can no longer see his eyes as his long black strands fall into his face, but you notice his tense jaw. Your heart leaps again. He was so handsome. Especially when he was angry. Finally, you break the silence.

"Great, now you've scared everyone," you sigh and roll your eyes.

"What are you doing?", Levi hisses back at you, spitting venom and bile, finally raising his head. His eyes blaze again and your core drips.

"I don't know what you mean."

"You know your place, so start acting like it, you piece of shit."

"I wish my place was naked in front of you." Before Levi has taken in what you've said, you stand up, pushing the chair back a little as you do so, "Now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to go to sleep too. The day was exhausting and I need to rest to be fit for the expedition. So, I can sit my ass off nicely in midfield."

You turn away from him and your heart slips slightly into your pants. Never turn your back on the enemy. "But of course, it makes much more sense for Mikasa to fight in front and me in the back. Makes sense."

You can take two steps as his hand wraps firmly around your wrist. He squeezes too tightly, hurting you, and you grin again.

"Repeat what you said." His voice is so low it sends a shiver down your spine. Your expression changes and, playfully annoyed, you turn to face him.

"Do you mean the part where I explained that I was going to sit my ass off." He growls and you almost groan. The tension was heavy and hot.

"Stop playing games. My patience is running out."

You lick your lower lip again, wetting it before biting down on it. "I know this isn't about the fucking mission," Levi looks at your mouth. You take a step closer to him, looking up at him from below. "I wish my place was naked in front of you, Daddy," you breathe.

In that split second, his lips land on yours. Two forces of nature collide and you almost topple backwards. His arm wraps tightly around your waist, pulling you against him, and you finally moan. He bites your lower lip hard and you open your mouth in pain. He takes the opportunity to dig his tongue deep between your lips. He presses himself against your body and you slam into the wall behind you. A pain runs through your head as your tongues circle each other, fighting to see who has the upper hand. Your hands go into his hair, reaching deep into his mane, and you pull his head closer to you. Big hands grip your waist and he lifts you up with ease so you can wrap your legs around him. His hands travel under your thighs, squeezing the flesh before he drills them into the fat of your ass. Your teeth collide as you drill your tongue deeper into his mouth, exploring his mouth cavity. He releases the kiss and a thread of spit connects you. You lay your head back and lick over your swollen, sore lips as he places his mouth on your vein, kissing your pulse before licking along it.

"Took you long enough to finally decide to fuck me."

"Shut your mouth, brat," he breathes against your neck before biting into it and sucking on it.

"I swear, if you leave hickeys ..." you groan.

"What then? Are you going to hit me with your little fists?"

"You mean like you did to me all those times? Nah, I'm not an asshole like you. But you probably secretly get off on it."

He bites your neck, just above your pulse, and your head slams back against the wall behind you, making you see stars. He smirks as his nails dig into you and you claw into his shirt. Your panties are completely wet and your juice leaks out of you incessantly. You moan loudly as his teeth dig deeper into your flesh. This was far too good to be true. Your left hand goes into his hair again, you pull at the strands and tear him away from you. He makes a face and you press your lips to his again, biting his lower lip until you taste blood. He gasps and pushes your head away from him, "You're crazy."

You grin broadly at him. "We've been over this," you lick his lower lip apologetically, "and I can see you like it." His gaze is on your face as you wrap your arms around him. "You like crazy, you will stick your dick in crazy." A dark sound escapes him and your nails run over his neck. "You can't even argue with me, you want to fuck this crazy bitch so badly."

His lips land on yours again and you grin against him before moaning into his mouth as he presses you tighter against the wall. His hands leave your ass, skimming up the sides of your waist before moving forward to your chest. Two of his fingers find their way along between the buttons, stroking the sensitive skin. Your belly grows warm with the butterflies inside him. You wrap your legs tighter around his waist and run your hand under the fabric of his shirt at the nape of his neck, running it over the muscles of his shoulders and it shakes you with pleasure.

His strong hands grip the fabric of your blouse and without warning, he rips the front apart, sending the buttons flying across the room. You bite your lip as his arms fall around your waist to hold you in place. "You shouldn't have taken your anger out on my blouse," you moan as he kisses the bulge above your right collarbone and licks along it.

"Would you rather I took it out on you?" he murmurs as he bites into that thin skin too, sucking on it and sure to leave a hickey.

"Yes, I don't know you any different."

He continues to lick forward, kissing the ridge at the end of your neck, licking over a mole at the beginning of the mound of your breast. His right hand comes away from your waist, grips your left breast and kneads it. You claw into his shoulders, leaving marks as he pushes the cup off it and you feel his hand skin on skin. Almost painfully, he rolls your nipple between his thumb and forefinger and you push your back through, coming to meet him.

"Mmm, you like that?" he murmurs and you can hear his grin.

"I never thought you'd be this good at it," you mock, before you make a grimace and groan. Pain runs through you as he bites down on your nipple and then his lips wrap around it and he sucks on it. The sensation extends to your fingertips and your toes, coursing through your whole body. You close your eyes, savouring and moaning his name as he bites into it again. He sucks harder on it, lifting his head slightly and releasing it with a plop. He circles your nipple with his tongue and licks it slowly and pleasurably. The knot in your stomach tightens and your head is fogged.

"More," you moan into the room. You tug at the piece of fabric covering him and press your core tighter against him.

"Don't be so impatient, idiot."

"I'm not impatient, you're just slow."

He pulls your whole body down a bit, pressing his bulge into your centre. You curse because the fabric between you is annoying and rub against him greedily.

"Slowly then?" he purrs against your ear and comes towards you, rubbing against you too, "I'll keep that in mind." He grips you again and lifts you away from the wall. You let yourself fall against him and moan against his neck, licking it as you continue to try and build pressure.

Shortly after, your bottom touches the table and he releases your weight. You seize the opportunity and do the same to him, yanking him out of his shirt.

"Tch, but I'm venting my anger," he leans over you, capturing your lips again. Immediately your tongues meet. Greedily your fingers touch his body, stroking his soft skin beneath your fingers, feeling individual scars over, which you let your thumb wander. You caress each and every muscle and gape at his well-built body. He surpasses every single one of your fantasies that you imagined while he was training or just cleaning. You follow his muscles down to the V of his pelvis and a deep moan comes over him as you undo the buckle of his belt. His hands also find their way to your trousers, undoing them, and he releases the kiss. He goes to the floor, kneels in front of the table where you are still sitting and looks up at you. Slowly he takes off your boots without taking his eyes off you. You watch him spellbound, a grin falling on your lips again. He pulls at your trouser legs and you lift your bottom, helping a little so that he can brush the fabric off your legs.

His hands run over your feet and you shake yourself slightly before he kisses them.

"Mmm," you moan, "I could see you like this more often, Captain." You bite your lower lip as his hands slide along your legs. Again, and again his lip or tongue hits your skin, caressing it and you are sure you would leave a stain on the neatly cleaned table. At the latest, when his lips lick the insides of your thighs, your hands clasp the edge of the table. You groan and your right hand goes into his hair, claws into it. His hands settle on your legs, pushing them apart, and his warm breath touches your core. He looks at the dark fabric separating his face from your lower lips and licks his lips. How will you taste? There is a distinct stain, your juice colours the fabric a shade blacker and his hard cock presses against his still closed trousers. He draws in the air around him and he groans. You smell so incredibly good, how much he'd like to taste you. How much he would like to fuck you.

When you notice his fingers gently stroking your pussy and he grips the fabric to pull it aside, you moan again and pull on his head.

Painfully he is pulled back and you close your legs.

"What are you doing, idiot?" he gasps in annoyance, his face contorting at the sting.

"I don't feel like playing this time," you murmur, grinning. "My patience is wearing thin," you repeat his words from earlier, "I don't feel like waiting anymore."

You press your toes against his chest and push him backwards. He is slightly off balance, staggers and falls into the chair behind him.

"Unzip your pants already", you stand up and your hands each rest on the back of the chair next to his head, your breasts dangling in his face, "Go ahead".

Completely caught off guard, he undoes the button and then the zip. You grin again and lean forward towards him. Your lips meet his jaw, kissing along it to his ear and you put your mouth to the shell of his ear, "And now you take out your big cock."

He growls slightly and does as you command. Your gaze falls briefly on his hard erection and a shiver comes over you, your butterflies dancing inside you.

"That's much better, isn't it, Daddy?" you see his Adam's apple dangle as he swallows hard and you look into his eyes. You place one leg on each side of his body. Your hands slide from the back of the chair to his shoulders and you claw into them. Still covered with a piece of cloth, you rub your cunt over his hard cock, which presses against it. You moan and he does the same, putting his hands on your waist and squeezing. His eyes close and he puts his head back in his neck, "Do it already."

"Anything my daddy wants," your hand grips the thin fabric and pulls it aside. Drops of your juice hit him, mixing with his precum and you rub it along your slit before gripping his shaft and sliding his thick tip inside you.

Never would you have expected him to be so big. Your walls press tightly against him as he slides inch by inch into you. Your eyebrows draw together because it feels so good. Levi gasps slightly beneath you as you swallow him slowly.

"You're huge," you sigh contentedly as he's fully inside you, and you twitch your walls, his fingers buried deep in the flesh of your waist. His jaw seems tense, but his eyes look at you half-closed. His irises are no longer visible. "God, so fucking huge. We should have done this so much sooner. I think it's tearing me apart," you grin wide and happy as you feel a slight burn.

"If I had known how good you looked doing that, I would have fucked you sooner."

"Yeah, would you have?" you look deep into his eyes as you move upwards, his cock sliding completely out of you and you lower yourself back down onto him, "Do you like the way I ride your cock?" Your movements slowly quicken and you hear the smacking of your cunt as it swallows his cock again and again.

"Do you like the way your thick cock keeps digging deep into me?" He growls out and starts to come towards you. His hips thrust upwards, hitting you hard. As he does, you don't part your gaze for a second and it feels like you can glimpse his soul.

"Do you like the way my cunt milks you?" Levi digs one hand into the fat of your ass, pulling on it and baring his teeth. You dig your nails into his back as he changes the angle and bumps against your G-spot. The sounds of his balls hitting your ass and the mixing of your fluids grow louder. You become incredibly hot and start to sweat.

"Do you like the way I moan your name?" you add a long Levi at the last word and he stares at you like you're a goddess. His goddess.

"Fuck, you're so hot," he murmurs in a dry, heavy voice.

"That you ever thought otherwise hurts my heart." You ram your fingernails deeper into his back and pull at the skin, leaving deep marks.

"I'll never think anything else again," he groans up at you. By now you are no longer riding him. Instead, he holds you in place above him, your feet no longer even touching the ground, and he thrusts into you with a brutality that leaves you breathless. The knot in your stomach gets tighter and tighter and you bite his shoulder to stifle a scream. He fucks you like a madman, pressing his body hard against yours and enjoying the feel of your hard nipples against his chest. He tries to get even deeper, to push against your cervix, but the position is too shitty for that.

"That won't do," he groans, suddenly lifting you up. With his pants at his ankles and you in his arms, he walks back to the table, lays you down on it ungently and buries himself in you again. He grips your legs with his hands, rests them on his shoulders and increases his speed further. He fucks you into the hard wood of the table and puts his head back, moaning your name loudly. He comes so far inside you, you feel pain deep inside you. Such good pain.

"God, your cunt is so tight. I never want to feel anything else ever again." You open your mouth to say something but nothing comes out. Your breath has long left your lungs and your brain can't make anything up. Your little body is concentrating solely on how his fat cock is being pushed into you, how he is tearing your little hole in two and how incredible this feeling is. Because of this, you just mumble something to yourself, which makes him grin, "Suddenly I guess your mouth isn't so big anymore." Again, you try to say something, but it is in vain. Your head is full of fog and all you can think about is how he should thrust harder, even deeper, which is no longer possible, and how he should take you. You want him to ruin you, for everything and everyone. Every night he should do this to you so that you can never stand or sit again. You just want to be his little plaything.

"Good to know I can shut you up like this." His cock hits your G-spot hard and makes you see stars. You moan loudly and reach for something to claw into, but there's nothing. "Alright, I guess silent isn't quite the right word".

He's fucking you so well and you glare at him as he stares at you and you bite your lip, your breathing becoming more uncontrolled and you nod slightly at him to signal how close you are. He grins and you push your back through as he thrusts into you one last time and you explode, screaming his name and losing your grip on the earth.

That was probably the beginning of your death - and probably that of every other - but who knows for sure. The two of you were quite a force on your own, but as a duo you were invincible. Soon, word got out about what had happened. You could have tried to deny it, but it wasn't difficult to guess, since you were ever the only person allowed to disobey Levi and get away alive. Moreover, your loud moans could be heard throughout the building. Everyone should know that you now belong to each other. Your madness spilled over onto him. You had nothing left to lose - except each other and you swore you would only leave this hell together.

"Listen up, shitheads," Levi turns his attention to the people behind you and you follow his gaze, "we're going to do another round and secure the perimeter before we set up camp here for the night."

"Yes, sir," everyone but you shouts in unison and salutes. You roll your eyes.

Your gaze, on the other hand, averts and you direct it to the trees around you. The birdsong has died down and the wind has receded. The branch beneath you sways slightly again as Armin lands on it and turns to talk to Levi. You ignore them both and continue to look around. No wind, but the leaves sway back and forth. You close your eyes and concentrate. Far in the distance you can hear a river making its way through the ground. There is a faint smell of wet moss and it is all so peaceful. Far away you hear the tapping of a woodpecker looking for its food before it suddenly stops. You tear your eyes open and clutch the handles of your equipment. A moment later you see the bird fluttering overhead with a loud bird song. Your eyes fall on Levi and over Armin's shoulder he looks at you. He raises an eyebrow before your typical grin falls to your lips and his expression slips.

You shoot your hooks, which bore into a tree and you fly away. Behind you, you hear the shouting of others and more gas being consumed as you make your way through the forest. You build up speed and zoom past the many trees. You race in the direction from which you just heard the woodpecker. You hear a stomping sound that gets louder and louder the closer you get to it, before you see two huge figures running past you on your left. You didn't expect two, but that only means one more point on your kill scale. Your hands grip the handles of your 3DMG tighter and adrenaline rushes through your bloodstream. You draw in a deep breath through your nose as you suddenly change direction and race towards them. In the distance, you catch sight of your squad and see Levi racing ahead of them after you. He is stronger than you, but you are faster. He has left the squad behind with ease and does not look happy. His rage-filled face makes you feel like you're on fire and a shiver runs down your spine.

"Sorry," you shout loudly to them as you fly through the air and your hook bores into a titan's shoulder. You hear Levi yell your name, but you ignore him. Unfortunately, this distracts the two titans and they notice you. They stop and look around before spotting Levi.

The smaller titan is just under eight metres tall, the other about two metres taller, both of course abnormal. You whirl around the larger one and draw your swords, placing them against your small body, ready for battle. You hiss at his neck, but while he has not yet set his sights on you, the smaller one turns his attention to you and looks at you with wide eyes. He reaches out his hand to you. You curse loudly and drill your hook into a tree above you to get away from him quickly. It is just enough that when he closes his hand, you are not caught in it. Instead, your sole touches his huge finger and you push off against him in addition to putting more land between him and you. On the other side of the field, you see Levi whirling through the air, attracting the little titan's attention. He puts up his swords ready to fight, but you are quicker, get in his way and cut the titan's neck with a smooth slice. The first titan goes down, begins to steam and you are left with the larger one. As you fly through the air, you drill your hooks into his arm and pull yourself towards him. Just before you get on top of him you change direction and fly towards his shoulder. The titan looks around and tries to spot you again, but you are too fast. The next time your hooks hit a tree in the distance. You fly towards his neck, your swords just setting when your ropes suddenly loosen. The titan has lashed out, ripping them out of the tree. You tear open your eyes, more adrenaline finding its way into your bloodstream, your heart pounding against your chest. For the moment, your course is not altered, so your cut glides through him perfectly and he falls slowly to the ground. But you fall with him. You try to drill your hooks back into a tree, but apparently, he has damaged your equipment, so nothing happens. Panic shoots into your head as you get closer and closer to the ground. You close your eyes and brace yourself for impact before you hit the ground. Your air is ripped from your lungs, your body aches under the contact and the wind flies around your ears. You cling to the body against you and rest your head against its neck. Black tea and lemon. As soon as your feet touch ground, he sets you down and pushes you off him. You stagger back and see the faces of the rest of your comrades, who look at you in horror.

"What was that about, you retard?!" snarls Levi at you, and you see his tense jaw and the deep creases on his forehead, his lips pressed hatefully into a line, as he presses his eyebrows together.

"I don't know what you're upset about. I had the situation under control." You pat the dirt off your clothes, hoping he doesn't see your slightly wobbly legs. You take a deep breath and look up at him. That was more action than you planned. To be honest, the situation got out of hand, but you would never admit that - especially not in front of Levi.

"Under control?! You call that under control! You disobeyed my order!" he yells at the whole forest and you see Krista wince.

"I killed them, what more do you want? If you hadn't come, I would have finished faster."

"He almost killed you!"

"Right, almost," you grin at him and undo the straps of your equipment, letting it fall to the floor. It is no longer of any use and simply means more burden that you would have to carry around with you. You kick it lightly and it rattles. Everyone seems shocked, and Levi clenches his hands into fists. You bite your lower lip, "You were there, weren't you?"

"Yeah, but I'm not always, maron!"

"Yeah, and I'm good at taking care of myself in those moments," you stride towards him and place your hands on his tense chest, "Daddy."

You wink at him and the others almost skin it at your words. Eren is probably already thinking about running away before Levi takes his anger out on him. You stroke his shirt and he stares at you. His anger is immeasurable, but you can see something else mingling in his gaze and he relaxes slightly.

"You'll pay for that later," he murmurs and you lick your lips.

"I expected nothing less."

#levi x reader #levi ackerman #levi x y/n #levi x you #levi heichou #attack on titan #aot #snk #smut

[xbunnybunz]

WEAK HERO UNIVERSITY (3/?) [READER X WEAK HERO]

Summary: I know you assholes are crying now that the first season of Weak Hero is over. But you’ve got other things to focus on, like where the fuck you’re going to live after getting kicked out of your old dorm. Luckily, you’ve found one last open room on the other side of Weak Hero University. What could possibly go wrong?

Genre: Romance, Humor, Slice of Life

Date: 7/12/2021

You’re dully unaware of how many people are allowed into a cramped dorm room before it becomes a fire hazard, but you are almost completely sure that the rule has now been broken.

Gray pushes through the mass of bodies wedging themselves between your bed and the desk, a damp, cold rag in his hands.

“Let me see.”

You grit your teeth and stare up at the ceiling, holding back the urge to toss yourself out the window. Of course this would happen, you don’t even know why you’re surprised! It was just your luck to completely obliterate your toe in front of cute guys you had just met.

You reach down towards your sock and then freeze, eyeing them wearily.

“Wait… You guys aren’t like, feet people… Right?”

Eugene furrowed his eyebrows and looked to everyone else. “What do you mean? We all have feet.”

Gerard made a face, or well—as much as a face as you can see, and you fluster, immediately regretting asking the question.

“Shit. Never mind. That was a stupid question, just pretend I didn’t say anything.” What? No one can blame you, too many years on deviantart would make anyone paranoid!

You hook your fingers onto the elastic of the sock and pull it off your right foot.

The moment your sock comes off, both Ben and Alex rattle your eardrums with a shriek. Alex covers his eyes and Ben dramatically falls onto his knees beside the bed.

“The whole thing is purple, Ben, you dumbass!” Alex cried, peeking out from between his fingers. “She’s going to need to amputate her toes!”

Ben clasped his hands together in front of you, bowing his head to the floor. “I’m so sorry! I’m terrible! I’ll take full responsibility! I’ll even give you my toes!”

“Uhm, you guys—” Eugene lifts a shaky finger but is interrupted by the earth-shattering slap Alex lands on the back of Ben’s head, eyes teary with emotion, “Dammit Ben, no one would want your big ugly goblin toes!”

Absolutely flabbergasted at their reactions, you flinch back, eyes wide as Ben clasped both his large hands over yours, bottom lip quivering.

“Please forgive me (Y/N)! You’re too pretty to be missing toes!”

What the fuck does that even mean?!

Mind working in overdrive and face burning hot, you swallow and try to stutter out an explanation, nearly going cross-eyed at the insane amount of pressure suddenly thrust upon you. Did Alex just give Ben brain damage? Did Ben just call you pretty? Were those two things related? What the hell was going on!?

Gray pulls a sobbing Ben off of you, lips pressed into a thin line.

“You two are freaking her out. You need to calm down.”

“But—!” Ben starts, voice trembling, “Her toes! I crushed her—!”

Gerard sighs, turning his face away from the scene, clearly too tall and cool and in need of a haircut to be suffering from secondhand embarrassment. “You guys… That’s just nail polish.”

Ben turns to Eugene for confirmation and Eugene rubs the back of head sheepishly, an awkward smile plastered on his face. “I tried to tell you guys.”

Alex approaches Grey, peeking over his shoulder and almost sounding a bit disappointed. “Wait, so… We don’t need to call an ambulance?”

Grey shakes his head, no. His pale hair catches the light and you suddenly notice how incredibly pretty he is. “It won’t be necessary. But we still might need to speak to the Hall Assistant…”

A slender hand reaches up and delicately turns your foot towards him, revealing a nasty reddish-purple bruise forming just under the ball of your feet.

The group behind Gray cringes back simultaneously.

Alex lets out a low whistle, clicking his tongue. “That one’s gonna be hard to walk on, (Y/N).”

Eugene sighs, eyebrows knitting together. “Yeah, last time I got something that bad, I needed to use a wheelchair for a week.”

“Dude, wasn’t the wheelchair because Teddy accidentally threw a coke bottle at your crotch?” Alex asks.

Eugene turns to him sharply, whispering something reminiscent of “girls” and “not now” while gesturing to you avidly.

“We’re going to need to get ice.” Grey says, ignoring the arguing in the back.

He lowers the damp rag onto your foot. You wince and flex all the muscles in your leg, trying not to contort your feet in pain. Lavender eyes meet yours and you begin to wonder if you had misjudged him for side eyeing your ziplock baggie of waterlogged notes. “How are you feeling?”

Well, to be honest you were feeling pretty damn good right now. You’ve never had so many attractive guys paying attention to you at once, even if it was because of a fucked-up foot. You, one. University? Zero!

Of course, you weren’t about to say this. Instead, you gulp, wiggling your toes just to make sure nothing was broken.

You turn to Grey with doeful eyes. “Well, everything is still connected. I think I’ll be able to walk, maybe with some… Extra support?”

He lifts the damp rag off your foot and contemplates a bit, placing a finger under his chin.

“Why don’t you try standing up?”

He moves to give you some space and you swing your legs off the bed, moving quite feebly to put on a show and hopefully getting the world’s hottest crutch out of it.

Unfortunately, you were so preoccupied with putting on an act that you forgot which foot was actually injured. You place all your weight onto one foot before you realize you’ve gone and fucked yourself and feel the shock of pain immediately.

Your knee gives out, sending you flailing like a circus monkey on a tricycle, except you weren’t a circus monkey on a tricycle because at least those were cute, you were just a clumsy buffoon with one foot, too lazy to pick up her own belongings and finally paying the price for it.

“Shit!”

You’re entirely prepared to just give up life and become a fully concussed vegetable at this point, but instead of the sweet embrace of death, you get the sweet embrace of a himbo instead. An arm catches you by the waist before you can hit the floor and pulls you back up to his chest, the scent of a woody cologne punching you in the face.

When you look up, you’re met with Ben’s gaze. His reddish brown hair and chocolate eyes are a lot more overwhelming up close, and it doesn’t help that you suddenly recall him calling you pretty while he snotted over your bed. You stiffen like a board.

“Uhm. Hey.” You say, definitely not awkwardly at all.

He flusters, tips of his ears turning red. He swallows thickly and his adams apple bobs up and down.

“Hey.”

He averts his eyes and looks anywhere but at you, doing what you think is an attempt at whistling nonchalantly. It was in no way nonchalant. In fact, you weren’t sure if he even knew how to whistle, he was kind of just blowing spit out of puckered lips. With both of you distracted, neither of you realize his grip was becoming slack with his inattentiveness.

“…Ben.” Grey warns, albeit softly, but alas, he’s too late and too damn quiet.

He drops you like it’s hot and everyone else watches in horror as your head connects like deadweight with the metal frame of the bed, a loud and resounding “CLING!” bouncing off the walls and reverberating in the room like a haunting testament to assured braincell loss.

Your vision swims and darkness begins to bleed into your periphery. The last thing you hear is Gerard’s voice echoing in your brain,

“Hey man, is that my shirt you’re using as a rag?”

#weak hero university #weak hero x reader #webtoon weak hero #weakhero #weak hero #reader insert #fanfiction

[simpcxty]

I Grew Up (Minoru Mineta x Reader)

Warning ⚠️ Mineta is attractive in this one, and sorta likable. Just not in the beginning.

Also I have it in my head that he’d find any excuse to call you a fruit for a pet name. If you don’t like it then you can ignore it but I kinda like what I chose bc it was hard brainstorming what Mineta would call his significant other for me. So without further ado, you can enjoy this Mineta x Reader without anyone saying shit :)

And yes. I am doing this, and enjoying writing it. Bite me.

(PSA, i tried to find the artist and I’m pretty sure it’s diaboliiique on DeviantArt. Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong, but I literally found the art off of google 😔)

All Characters are ages up 18+

It was hard being the girlfriend of Minoru Mineta.

Let’s just get that out of the way now.

The way he can’t even keep to keep his mouth shut about other girls bodies even when you’re around him is sickening sometimes.

At least it used to be.

Could you even really call yourself his girlfriend anymore? You just sat nearby while other girls ogled at the now attractive version of your boyfriend.

Why couldn’t he have stayed the way he was? At least no one wanted him then.

You swore to yourself that you didn’t care. You knew the relationship wouldn’t last so there’s no reason to be upset or jealous.

At least you tried to tell yourself that.

That didn’t stop it from hurting any less.

What really pissed you off, or rather who, was Tsuyu Asui.

She acts like she never hated him now.

Like she didn’t at one point look down on him or look at him disgustedly once, and he.

He goes along with it.

You’re not gonna lie, you used to love Tsu, and you keep telling yourself you do.

Only so you can keep up the facade that how he acts doesn’t affect you.

“Hey Y/n.” You’re shocked when he moves to sit next to you, opting to sit on the bench that you had plopped down on when the group of girls saw your famous pro hero boyfriend with you, and away from the group of girls still eyeing him. Including Tsuyu.

Yes. He’s a pro hero. Now back up please.

“Yes Mineta?” His eyebrows furrowed at that and you almost cringed when his hand falls onto your thigh.

Visible to anyone passing by.

“No. You always call me Minoru. Minoru or Sugar. So stick to it. Heh, see what I did there?-“ He’s interrupted by Tsu and the words that come out of her mouth make you want to vomit.

“Minoru, why don’t you come hangout with-“

“Yeah no. Only Y/n calls me Minoru. You’re not allowed. Call me Mineta like you always do. Now, as I was saying before you RUDELY interrupted me Asui. Did you get it..?” He looks at you eyes filled with a special shine and it’s then, how you remember you got with this little shit.

“Yes I got it.” You let your smile show and he fist bumps the air but afterwards, he quickly wraps his arms around your small frame.

Somehow he went from being 108cm (3’6”) to 179cm (5’10”) and you weren’t gonna lie and say you didn’t like it.

Especially when he leaned his chin on your head while holding you close to his chest. You really like that.

Even though you don’t want to,

but it’s not like you’d ever admit you absolutely positively love it.

That you absolutely positively love him.

No, that just isn’t ethical. You’d never tell him shit.

At least not to his face..

“Why were you mad at me?” You don’t know when he managed to pull you on his lap but his grip around you tightens and he shoves his face in your neck.

“You mean why am I mad at you currently?” His head shoots up from its spot in your neck and he turns your head with his hand quickly.

“What can I do Peach? How can I fix it? Can I fix it? Did I mess up bad? Are you gonna lea-“ his voice started to shake a bit but you cut him off quickly with a finger pressed to his lips.

God. We’re still on a public bench. This is embarrassing.

“It is something you can fix. However I don’t know if you’ll even be willing to listen to me when I say it, and no Minoru. I’m not going to leave you.”

“I will fix anything I can to make you happy. Now tell me what I can do please!” His grip around you somehow managed to tighten more and you have to tap his arms so he’ll loosen the crushing grip he has around your ribs and lungs.

Mostly so you can breathe but also because the poor guy doesn’t know his own strength now that he’s got it.

“You’re really flirty, and you know, I love it..” he nods and you took this as your opportunity to continue.

“But not when it’s towards other girls..” his eyes widened and he almost tightens his grip around you again but opts to grabbing your hand and peppering light kisses across it.

“I know you’re not meaning anything bad by it. It just kinda hurts.. especially with Tsu, she used to hate you and now just because you’re attractive according to societies standards everyone fucking loves you. Which don’t get me wrong. I get it. You’re fucking hot, but one, You were hot before and two, you’re mine and I want her and everybody else to realize that.” He nods and kisses your forehead while keeping a tight but comfortable grip around you.

“I’ll work on it Peach. I promise. I can’t have my dream girl feeling insecure after all, she’s the only one I want. The only one who’s cared for me no matter what I look like and how I’ve acted. After all I love you, I’d do anythi-“ you were listening intently, so when he said that and you choked, he was confused for two reasons.

But he couldn’t decide which one he was more confused about.

1. Did you really not know?

Or 2. Did you not believe him?

Or 3. Were you actually choking?

“Is that funny?” You shook your head quickly.

“No! I love you too! I just-“ he interrupts you before you can finish.

“Just what? Didn’t know..?” You looked away at that.

“Have I really been that bad at showing you how much you mean to me?” You didn’t say anything. Or move.

“Peach.. please be honest..” you nodded and it’s then that he sees the tears brimming in your eyes, and he goes back to his crushing bear hugs.

“Oh god. I’m so sorry! I’ll do so much better! I promise Peach! I’m gonna show you that I love you and only you. I don’t need the attention of anyone else. Just you. God I just need you with me, in my life. As a part of mine. I’m so sorry that I haven’t shown you that properly-“ his repeated rambling turns into tears welling up in his eyes now.

“Sugar, it’s okay you didn’t know. I wasn’t communicating with you. It’s not just on you, you didn’t know that what you were doing was making me uncomfortable because I didn’t bother to tell you. I didn’t want you to get mad at me for being jealous.” His eyes widened again.

“W-Why would I be mad..?” When you shrugged he nodded but kissed your cheek.

“I would never be mad at you for telling me how you feel. I’m a moron sometimes, and I know that I’m not the brightest crayon in the crayon box, but, you make me feel special everyday, knowing I haven’t been giving you that same feeling kills me. I’ll do better. I know I will, because I can’t stand the thought of losing you.” Your cheeks burned as the girls behind you groaned and started to walk away.

“Minoru can we please go home. I love you but this is embarrassing..” He grins and uses one hang to grab your hip, and the other for under your thigh, holding them snugly as he stands up, and carries you as he walks.

“T-This is even worse!” He smiles when he feels your arms tighten around his neck.

“Well we’ll be home soon and then I can do even more embarrassing things Peach.” He whispers in your ear and leaves a short kiss on your jawline. Chucking when he hears you squeak and your grip tighten.

Yeah, you’re fucked when you get home.

Quite literally.

#my hero academia #mha x reader #mha fluff #class 1a #bnha minoru #bnha fluff

[heresathreebee]

A Real Date

[Ava Starr x Female!Reader] 

Summary: You and Ava trying a dinner date that goes very wrong (just kidding it's actually fine). 

Previous Masterlist Next

Word count: 1.8k words

Warning(s): 13+ | no-snap au, post-Ant Man and the Wasp, swearing, internalized homophobia(?), I think I’m working through something here this might be a little personal (sorry in advance), past relationship angst, presumed past of dating multiple genders but there is no definitive sexuality established for reader in the present, this was going to be something else but the story took over and I had to roll with it. 

Author's note: no-snap au, post-Ant Man and the Wasp. I’m sorry I do not edit anymore, it only serves to stand in my way. This is part 3 of Ava Starr series beginning with Strawberry Soda. Art by Artmilla on DeviantArt (correct me if I’m wrong please)

It's important to note that not everything you see in media is the hegemonic truth. Take sapphic dating rituals for example: in media it’s a constant joke about how fast people move in together and own pets and plants like they were soulmates and always meant to be together. Which is nice to see– it’s not meant to be a cruel joke– but it does paint a picture of perfection. It doesn’t explicitly state whether your future wife is your first or fiftieth girlfriend but it sure as shit might lead you to believe every girl might be your last. 

Real people don’t work that way. Real people have different interests, different lives, different traumas, different styles and needs. Every relationship is new and it has to be done deliberately and with care for what you and your partner want. So when you think about your relationship with Ava you can’t help but feel a little guilty. 

Ava seems to like to take things slow. Your relationship prioritizes quality time over physical touch which you're fine with, but you can’t help it if you compare the details to other people you’ve dated. You’ve known each other for three months and in every other relationship by this time, you and your previous partners had hit a ton of milestones that you and Ava had just… not. So when you bring up the prospect of a ‘real date’ to Ava one night while cooking pasta in your kitchen, Ava chuckles. 

“And what exactly constitutes as a ‘real date?’” 

The television is playing some daytime television game show and the volume’s on low. You pass her the salt and take a swig from your beer with a shrug. Already you feel silly for bringing it up. 

“Dinner. A movie. Sometimes both, I guess,” you say, flustered. 

Ava raises an eyebrow at the softening bowtie noodles in the pot. “We’re having dinner right now…? Name one time we haven’t come back to your place to watch a movie.” 

“The time the power went out and we played jenga by candlelight. But I– I mean like a date outside of the house.”

“We go to out to parks, the antique mall, lunch, the arcade–” 

“Well, yeah I guess you’re right I just don’t know I still feel like–”  

“Again, how is any of it different from a ‘real date?’” 

“I don’t know! Just… just forget it.” you’re trying not to be bitter about it but you don’t even know what you mean so how could you explain it? 

Ava calls your name softly and you already feel hot shame lick up your neck when you see her face. “I didn’t mean it like that, I– I just don’t think I understand what you mean and I want to! Honestly…” 

You sigh and lean closer to her, careful not to touch but you want her to know you’re not mad. “No, I’m sorry. I just… I’ve been stuck on it for a week but I can’t seem to figure out why. Everything you’re saying I agree with but there’s still this nagging voice in my head telling me it’s not fair or I’m doing it wrong but I don’t know what it even is and I–” 

You collapse onto the kitchen floor breathless. What the fuck were you even saying? Why was this bothering you so much? What ‘s different about this relationship than any other relationship you’ve already had? Your eyes are darting back and forth and your head is a million miles away. You keep talking as if saying it out loud will make your impulsive and intrusive thoughts and motivations clearer to you. 

“It’s out of order. No, it’s not but it’s… with Jordan and Becky and Hal, I went on three dates before it felt normal. We did the traditional getting to know you stuff. Damien and Palavi were straight physical– not traditional at all but that still felt good enough somehow. And– and it’s not that I don’t believe what we have isn’t real, I just–

“Fuck, I don’t know! It feels a little like my relationship with Kat.” You can’t believe it but then the words were out there. You had never told anybody about Kat– Ava was still learning about the rest of them– but the instant those words left your mouth you regretted them. Ava was not Kat. 

For instance, Ava slipped down to sit beside you on the floor– Kat would never lower herself to meet your eye. Ava looked at you and she saw you– Kat chose to ignore your feelings whenever it became more convenient to do so. Kat made you feel special and yet not special enough– OK maybe they shared a little bit of that. A tiny, micro piece of that. 

“What was Kat like?” She said the words softly and without an ounce of jealousy. 

You gather your mind with a deep breath. “Dating Kat was like being strapped to a rocket. It was like being a part of something bigger and stronger than me. Being with her made me feel inconsequential and sometimes I liked that, but then… then I realized I was just a dirty little secret. Kat liked me because I was convenient to her, not because she actually cared about me. 

“When we talked or hung out, it had to be on her terms. No public, no friends or family, no social media. No one was allowed to know. She passed it off as just wanting me for herself but after she dumped me for something better I realized she never saw me as her equal. And it just… I was already in a dark place and that place just kind of got a whole lot darker after that. I felt especially not special.” 

You lean back and rest your head on the cabinet under the sink. “I know that’s not you. Maybe I’m just tired of feeling like I have to hide a part of myself. I did a lot of stupid things in the public eye with Palavi, maybe part of that was because I was proud of who I am and I wanted everyone to know it?” 

“I think I care too much about what other people think of me,” you said closing your eyes. 

You didn’t expect to feel Ava lean her head against your shoulder but you don’t pull away. God, you could never pull away even as you worry she may be causing herself harm just to comfort you and your rambling. Her hair tickles a bit and smells like strawberries and lavender. 

Ava lifted her head after a moment. “Let’s go on a real date then.” 

~

Why the fuck were you so nervous? This was your idea! You had trouble picking a restaurant and picking a day and picking your clothes out and picking where to sit. So many choices with so much meaning or none at all. You just need this to be perfect because you hoped maybe this is what you need to stop that nagging in your head. 

You made the call to meet each other there. You made the suggestion that it had to be somewhere nice– as in get dressed up nice. And darling, sweet, patient Ava let you have the control you so desperately needed. She offered suggestions here and there, and it helped you narrow everything down to a science. You feel a little self conscious sitting by yourself in your get up but you knew she'd be there on time. 

It's just a matter of whether or not you could sit still for five more minutes. 

You hold the cloth napkin in your palms to try and soak up the sweat. Forcing yourself to sit unnaturally still and you haven't touched your wine because you just know you'll get it everywhere somehow. Your eyes trace over the table to stop yourself from meeting the eyes of other patrons. Do nothing, wait it out. 

Ava is stunning and you don't know she's there until the wait staff places the dinner menus in front of you. So much for pulling out her chair like you wanted to– but she's here and you break out into a big smile. 

"You look amazing," you tell her. 

Ava smiles and takes a sip of the rosé you ordered. The dim lighting in the room seems to soften the contours of her face but never the sharpness of her bright eyes. Something blossoms inside you and you feel it– that thing that's been bothering you like a knot in your stomach turns into a seed and its flowering now. This is your girlfriend. Not your friend who is a girl– your significant other. She's important to you and she has decided that she feels the same way about you. 

You feel your body unwind, reaching across the table like you might touch her hand then stop an inch from her empty plate. She watches you curiously but without fear. After a beat, it's Ava who finishes the contact. She slips her hand into yours and you are delighted to discover she's not a corporeal being you've convinced yourself is real. Her skin is a little dry around the palm and she has calluses you never knew were there and she's real and this is happening. 

You resist the urge to squeeze her fingers. Let her lead. Trust her to move away if she experiences any pain. She looks away from you with a flustered face you've never seen her wear and takes another draft of her wine. 

"This is nice," she says softly. 

You eat off each others' plates and you laugh together, and if anyone's watching you wouldn't know because for once you couldn't give a rat's ass what anyone thinks. You're with your person, for now or forever doesn't matter because she's letting you hold her hand and talk about a play you want to take her to on Saturday. Your heart flutters in your chest the whole way home and it’s not until you’re standing at your front door does her hand finally slip from yours. The feeling lingers though and your face hurts from smiling. 

“This everything you wanted,” she asked. 

“Yes,” you reply, “yes it was. Thank you for indulging me, it’s exactly what I needed.” 

“I enjoyed it too.” She steps closer, seemingly reluctant to leave just yet. “We’re still going to see Rocky Horror Picture Show, right?” 

“Absolutely,” you beam, “trust me, you’re gonna love it, it’s wild.” You blow her a kiss to send her on her way and spend the next hour giggling to yourself until you finally pass out from exhaustion.

#three bees writing #ava starr #ava starr x female reader #just girls being girlfriends #I'll make a masterlist for this soon I just want like two more fics

[lalahbug]

Only One Night? Levi x Chubby!Reader

Fandom: Attack on Titan Word Count: 2,218

My Masterlist

Warnings/disclaim: general Modern AU! Talks about sex, but no actual smut

Author’s Note: continued under story Originally posted on DeviantArt, under the same username, on 10/26/2016. Revamped/edited in 2020.

___ is a blank for your name/oc/whatever you prefer Written in 3rd person

Line/header is to separate paragraphs to indicate time skips, as Tumblr hates my formatting.

Story under cut

         ___ slowly got out of the stranger's bed, checking the time on her phone, it was almost the time she had to be home. She cursed quietly before wandering the room, gathering her clothes and putting them on. Being as silent as possible, careful to not wake the stranger from his bed. She saw a notebook on his nightstand, she leaned over and wrote a quick note which read; ‘Last night was amazing, thank you for being gentle. It was my first time. I hope you have a wonderful life!’ She smiled to herself and grabbed her purse.          She opened his door, locking the handle, so he’d be safe. Then she walked out of his apartment, put her heels back on, then quickly walked to her car. In a hurry to get home before her dad got pissed off at her.

         Levi woke up with pain in his eyes from lack of sleep. He glanced over at his clock, 3:18 AM. The notebook on his nightstand grabbed his attention, seeing something written on it, he grabbed it. He furrowed his brow before glancing over at the other side of his bed. He honestly didn’t expect her to leave. He wanted her to stay, he didn’t even get her phone number or her last name. He groaned a bit.           ‘What the fuck does she mean, first time? Was she a virgin or was it her first one night stand.’ He thought to himself for a moment. He decided to change his sheets since he was up now. He spotted a bit of blood. ‘Okay, so she was a virgin. Then why did she want to lose it to a stranger and only do a one night stand? She had to be at least 21 because she got a drink from the bar.’ He tried to replay last night in his mind.

          ___ was in a simple black dress, drinking at the bar. Ignoring everyone and everything, obviously, she was there to just drink and didn’t have any intention of getting laid. That’s what caught Levi’s eye. She was beautiful, some might think she’s chubby. But to him, she was just very curvy, which wasn’t too common in this night club. Levi had gone up to her, saying hello. At first, she ignored him.          “Oi, brat. You can at least say hello back.” Levi glared at her, she glanced over at him. Before she looked to her side and behind her.          “Are you talking to me?”          “No. I was talking to your drink.” She giggled, she had a really cute smile. “So what are you doing here?” Levi took the stool next to her, to sit on it.          “Oh, I just had a really bad day, so I decided to try and make myself somewhat pretty and to go drinking. I brought a few friends, but they’ve all left with some guys.”          “Why didn’t you go with them?”          She gave him a dry chuckle. “I wasn’t invited.”          “Then why were your friends?”          “Because they’re pretty and lean. And I’m ugly and fat.” Levi wanted to lecture at her for thinking that, but the way she said it. It didn’t seem like they were her words, but words she’s heard a lot.          “Who thinks that?”          “My family, some guys, and almost every guy here.” She downed her drink.          “Your family says that to you?”          “Well, my dad. He wants to marry me off to a wealthy man, who is willing to deal with me. So far, every suitor agrees with him. That I’m not attractive and I don’t have an ideal body.”          “Your dad and those guys must have shit stuck in their eyes.” She giggled at his joke again. “Because you’re really beautiful.” He saw her face flush before she looked away. “Hey, how about we go talk somewhere else? I don’t want to be around these idiots anymore.”          She gave him a small smile. "Okay.” He took her hand and guided her out of the club. They went to a restaurant to chat and then they were at his place.

         Levi smirked thinking about last night while getting dressed for work. But then got annoyed because she fucking just left him alone. He groaned before grabbing what he needed and left.

         ___ was lectured once she got home at 2:30 AM because she was 30 minutes late home. Once again, her father told her that she had to stay pure, since she’s so unattractive, being pure is the only bargain chip left. ___ felt her heart almost break, realizing that she would have to tell him soon, that she is no longer a virgin. She quickly went down to her room, to the basement, where she lived. She was going to school, so she wanted to stay with her parents until she got her degree which her parents wanted her to finish. Since they both believed, she’d never get married so she’d have to support herself.          She was on a small break in between semesters, with no homework to do to distract herself. She decided to make herself happy by cleaning. She loved to cook and clean, usually only doing the downstairs, so today she would clean the whole house. Once her parents were gone, of course, dad at work, mom out with the girls.

         “Ackerman.” Levi stopped in his tracks and looked over to his boss, Mr. Lowells.          “Yes, sir?”          “We just landed a new campaign, I need someone to lead it. You will have to do a lot of paperwork with me for the next few days if you want it.”          “I’d be fine to do that.”          “Then after lunch, we can go to my home office. So it’s quieter and easier to get through everything.”          “Yes, sir.” Levi continued to his office before sighing with relief. “Finally, I won’t have to work under Shitty Glasses anymore.”

         Mr. Lowells walked into his home with Levi.          “Thought you said it’d be quieter here,” Levi stated with an annoyed tone, as music rang through the house, it wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t quiet.          “___!” Mr. Lowells shouted. Levi froze as he heard her name then his eyes widened as she popped her head around the corner, the music was abruptly turned off. Her father walked towards where she had popped her head out.          “Sorry, dad. I didn’t think you’d be home this early, so I wanted to clean and make dinner. I’ll finish up polishing the floors. Then if you’d like I can get you and your partner something to drink. Then I’ll go downstairs, so I don’t bother you.” She rambled. Her eyes never leaving her father.          “I don’t mind your cleaning.” He stared her up and down, she was in a tank top and some loose sleep pants. “You look disgusting, though. If you bring us anything, at least make sure to cover your fat first.” ___ hugged her arms, trying to hide them.          “Yes, sir. I apologize.” ___ focused her gaze onto the floor.          “Come on, Ackerman, we have work to do.” Mr. Howells turned on his heel and Levi followed. Trying to process everything in his mind. Everything she had told him last night to remember little things he had heard about her before from Mr. Howells.          “Your office is nice,” Levi stated as he sat down on the couch in the room, spreading out his material over the coffee table.          “Looks like she cleaned in here first since there’s no dust.” He sighed before sitting down in his chair. Levi was pleased with her cleaning. “My daughter, she’s sweet and can cook and clean very well. She’s decently smart too. But, because of how she is and looks, I can never get anyone to marry her. I’ve been looking for years. She gets fatter and uglier as the years go by.” Mr. Howells ran a hand through his hair. Levi was fuming, trying to keep his composure.          “Anyways, sorry you heard all that. Let’s get to work.”

         About an hour had passed before ___ knocked on her father’s door. “Enter.”          “Hey, dad.” ___ only took a couple of steps inside, but Levi could see she changed into a loose-fitting baggy shirt and some jeans. “What would you like to drink?”          “Coffee, black. You, Ackerman?” Levi finally got her to meet his eyes, her whole face flushed.          “Black tea.” Levi gave her a small smirk.          “Okay! I’ll be back in a few then.” ___ squeaked before slowly leaving the room.          Levi was hoping that would be her reaction to remembering him.          “She’s so weird.” Her father grumbled. Levi ignored him and got back to work.

         Once again, a soft knock came, she was told to enter. She kept her eyes on the tray in her hand. She placed the coffee in front of her father. She completely avoided Levi’s gaze, placing his tea in front of him.          “Thanks, beautiful,” Levi whispered to her, once again her face flushed before she quickly left the room. Levi took a sip of his tea, it was perfect, just like her cleaning and her. “Sir, where is your bathroom?”          “Oh, it’s down the hall, the last door on the right.” Levi stood up and headed out of the room.          “Oi, brat,” Levi called out to her, making her freeze in her tracks, he walked up to her. “You could have at least left me your phone number since you ran away.”          “I didn’t think you’d want it. I didn’t want to make a fool out of myself.” She whispered nervously. “I didn’t mean to run away, I had to be home by 2 AM, I was still late back home, though.”          “Well, you made a fucking fool out of me. I got to be with a wonderful woman last night, then she disappeared into the morning. Because I forgot to get her last name and phone number. I was made a fool.”          “I didn’t mean to. Please don’t tell my father. I have to tell him or it’ll be worse for me.”          “Tell him, what?”          “That I’m not a virgin anymore.” She blushed a bit and focused her eyes on her feet. Oh, she's adorable.          “I can’t believe that my boss is your asshole father. I’ve wanted to hit him since I realized it was you. You looked really sexy while cleaning.” He cupped her cheek, pulling her face up to kiss her softly. “If you are so scared of what your father will say, why did you have sex with me?”          “Because I was weak, you were the first person to tell me I was beautiful. The care and love in your eyes. It was something I had never seen before. Even if it was fake to get a girl into your bed. I felt special for once in my life.” Her eyes were starting to water. “You don’t have to pretend anymore, to care I mean. Our one night, it made me really happy, because I felt loved and wanted for a few hours. So thank you.”          “Would you stop fucking crying.” Levi sneered. “I don’t fake shit like this. I said you’re beautiful because I think so. I said your dad is an ass because I think so. I had sex with you because I wanted you. I was pissed you fucking treated me like a one night stand because I want to see more of you. I want you. I want to have sex with you more than once. Even though we did it 4 times.” He chuckled as the crimson spread down her neck.          “So, you like me?”          “That’s an understatement. I fell in love with you the moment you down your drink. The moment you blushed at my compliment. Fuck, I think I fell in love, the moment I saw you.” Pulling her close to him. “You’re coming home with me tonight and you better fucking be there when I wake up.”          “Ackerman.” Levi glanced over at Mr. Howells's confused face. “What are you doing?”          “Trying to get her to come home with me.” Levi deadpanned, he wanted her to know he was being serious, that he honestly loved her.          Mr. Howells chuckled for a moment, before seeing Levi’s eyes scan back over her face.          “Are you serious?”          “Of course. You were complaining about her never getting married. Whatever offer you’ve made before on her, give it to me.”          “What?” They both looked at him in shock.          “You fucking heard me. Let me marry her. She’s beautiful, she gets my sense of humor, makes good tea, and loves to clean. If you would have told me about her and shown me a picture of her when you started all this shit. I would have taken her off your hands. I’m willing to do it right now.”          “Levi, shut up," she whispered.                    “Fucking, brat. Don’t tell me to shut up.” He looked over at Mr. Howells. “So? Are we planning a wedding or what?”          Mr. Howells smiled at Levi. “Yeah, we can start after we get this new campaign settled.”          “Good, because I’ve already had sex with her.”          “Levi!” She smacked his arm slightly.          “Is that why you were late home this morning?” She could only nod. “Well, you’re marrying him, so I'm not upset.”          “Do I get any say in this?” She asked.          “No.” Her father said sternly.          “You’re mine, don’t you dare think about running from me, again.” She squirmed in his arms from his glare on her. “Hey, sir. Are we done for the day?”          “Yeah.”          "Good.” Levi picked up ___, over his shoulder. "Then I’ll be taking her home with me now.”          Her face flushed again, trying to get out of his arms. She giggled a bit when he swore at her for moving too much. And for once, her father finally saw the beauty in his child. He smiled at her, as Levi walked out the door with her.

Author’s Note: continued (While editing this my tortillas almost burned, oop. Welp, time to eat some amazing tacos.) I feel like Levi would never be the type to do a one night stand. (That may be just blind love for him but it is what I think~) So thus this was born.

#attack on titan #aot #aot fic #levi x reader #levi/reader #levi ackerman #chubby!reader #fanfic #fanficition #lalahbug #lalah writes #reader insert #xreader #self insert

[suekre]

So ive followed you a VERY long time (like from the deviantart days lmao) and i only just realised that you were talking about ocd in that post. Just wanted to let you know that i have ocd as well and god it is exhausting and i know exactly how you feel! I finally start therapy for it in 2 weeks. Pls know that i love your art and you very much and appreciate everything you create and share with us. All the best!! X

Hey you, I know you! Thank you for coming to my inbox and sharing this with me, I appreciate that so much. :) I am SUPER happy for you that you are about to get the help you need, that is awesome. I wish I could have had it at the time!

(And oh boy, the good old deviantart days, haha! Always happy to have my longtime followers around! :D)

OCD is exhausting indeed. People who aren’t affected can’t imagine what a nightmare it is. I, personally, am more prone to intrusive thoughts than actual obsessive-compulsive behavior. When people hear „OCD“, they usually think of obsessive hand washing or „leaving out every black tile while walking through a kitchen“ or so, while it can manifest in other ways. I didn’t know back then. I just thought I was going completely crazy at the time. I think I mentioned my disorder at times but I never actually openly talked about my own experiences (where I come from, mental disorders are a big NO NO, because it’s all in your head, just pull yourself together, other people are ACTUALLY suffering, it’s just dumb thoughts, you just need to think positive, y’know).

I kinda feel like doing it now. Just to get it out, and also to occupy my brain and hands and hey, maybe someone else can pick this up and find themselves in my own experiences. I sure know how relieved I was when I found out I wasn’t alone with my what I thought was a ‚Very Weird, Unique and Niche Problem‘.  

I gotta admit first - I’m doing much better nowadays. Even my worst days, as horrible as they may feel at the time, do in no way compare to the hell I went through in the second half of 2015. I have come a long way since my last (and so far worst... omg, oof, I hope there won’t be another) episode of intrusive thoughts. But, oh boy, was it intense.  It was the absolute worst time of my life, ever. I’m not writing this to scare anyone. Anyone who is familiar with this, will know how bad it is and anyone who can’t relate at all won’t feel affected anyway and will maybe even think something along the lines of „What the fuck?!“. I get it. It DOES sound crazy.

I have always been an overthinker. I always needed more validation and reassurance than other people around me and for the longest time I had no idea why that was. It was usually subtle - always kinda there but never strong enough to actually affect my life in a negative way. I just felt off at times, and not always super good. But I was generally ok, I could always manage.

Until that one episode that changed my life forever. I know that sounds dramatic but, even though I am in a good place nowadays, it sure DID change my life. I was 31, I lived together with my then-boyfriend and I still remember the exact date. Friday, July 24th, 2015. I remember the exact moment when my entire mind collapsed. It’s so weird, it literally happened from one second to the other. I am not making this up to sound more dramatic, it was a matter of seconds.

I was on my way home after work and I felt… restless and stressed. It felt good to get off work (it was my first full time job and... it didn’t go well, to put it nicely) but I was no longer really looking forward to my week off, and our trip to our favorite Open Air the following week. I picked up some dinner on my way, I came home, and I saw my boyfriend in the middle of the living room, he was making some preparations for our upcoming trip. When I saw him, tall and handsome and smiling at me, I smiled back but inside I felt like crying. My smile was fake. Kissing him felt weird, and also fake. And all of a sudden, there it was. The life changing thought:

„I don’t love him anymore.“

A simple thought. I had weird thoughts before, like anyone does, but they never had any greater impact on me. This time, though, that one thought knocked me off my feet. Not literally, I had turned into a pillar of salt somehow. This was the Perfect Man Of My Dreams (at least that was what I thought back then). The man I wanted to spend my life with, the man who made me happy every day! How could that even be, how could I even think something like that?

I felt even more restless. I didn’t tell him, of course. When he asked how my day was, I put on my fake smile again and said it was okay. We ate our dinner (although I had instantly lost any appetite), and I kept looking at him and the thoughts... just kept coming back.

You don’t love him anymore. What if you don’t love him anymore?

On repeat. It was awful. I just couldn’t shake them off.

It’s the stress, I tried to tell myself. You’re overworked. It’ll be good, you just need some rest.

But I couldn’t relax. My heart was racing, my blood was pumping. I didn’t know what was going on. I begged him to leave his work undone and take me out for an after work drink and he agreed. All the time, the thoughts wouldn’t leave my mind. I didn’t want to think them, but they were merciless, they just kept coming back. I felt so helpless.

A few drinks later, I had calmed down a bit, at least so much that I could stand to look at my BFs face again without feeling guilty. There you go, I said to myself, not quite convinced, you’ll be good. It’s already wearing off. When we crawled into bed later, I was tired and relaxed (and tipsy) enough to sleep and convinced that this was just a little glitch, that things would be just fine in the morning.

When I woke up, I felt exhausted. My heart was racing... and the thoughts came back IMMEDIATELY.

You don’t love him anymore. You gotta leave him.

What. The. HELL!? Why are these thoughts still a thing? Why are they still there? Why do they keep coming back?

I kept trying to push them away but the more I tried, the more intense they became. As if they tried to spite me. I started losing focus on everything else around me, the world slowly started to blur. It was just Me And My Thoughts from here. I tried my best to hide my state, and I think I managed for a while, but I felt like a robot any time I talked to someone. When people would pick up on my confusion, I usually brushed their concerns off. It’s nothing, I’m good.

I mean... how do you even tell someone that you just. can’t. stop. thinking. about whether you still love your boyfriend or not? According to the world, that is something you “just feel and know” after all. Except that I didn’t. I had no clue. I couldn’t feel anything. But, according to the world, that was perfectly normal, too. “Honeymoon phase is over at some point, babe. That’s everyday life, you grow comfy, it’s no longer a flash of feelings every day, you know that. You guys have been together for a while after all, what did you expect?!” ... what I felt didn’t feel like comfy everyday life either, though. Comfy everday life shouldn’t come with high key anxiety, sleepless nights and a loss of appetite at any lived second. If that was comfy everyday life, I sure didn’t want it.

So, what do you do when you have no clue about something? Right! Google! Go and ask the world! “How do you know that you still love your partner?”, “Is the love gone?” ... I spent hours, DAYS doing that, but no answer I found was remotely statisfying (or maybe it was for a minute, but the reassurance never lasted long) and I felt that those articles didn’t actually understand what I was asking in first place. I would spend every day like that. Permanently asking myself the same questions, analyzing myself, testing if the Big Feels for the man had decided to come back... nah, not really. Maybe NOW? If I just look at him close enough?! ... maybe if I squint a little?! Fuck, still nothing! Niente! Nada! I am a horrible person, aaah!

(Our open air trip was an emotional disaster by the way, I felt horrible all the time, and the permanent rain didn’t help. -3/10, do not recommend).

If I had known at the time that I wouldn’t spend just a few days but (more or less) six months with this shit... oof. I was already exhausted after those few days.

Over the course of the next weeks I stopped eating almost entirely. I just couldn’t. This permanent tight anxiety knot in my stomach made me want to throw up at the mere thought of food. At my worst point I weighed 138 lbs (63 kg), at 6 ft 1 (1,85 m). I often joked about how I had almost reached runway model standard. I was sick, I was weak, I was scared, but I just couldn’t eat and the bits I DID force myself to eat were burned almost right away by my crippling anxiety. (I still have clothes from that time, and I sometimes beat myself up for no longer fitting into them before I remember that I should NEVER fit into them EVER again.)

Instead I smoked a pack a day. I hardly got any sleep and when I did, it wasn’t relaxing. Always in Fight and Flight mode. My body was at alert level any minute, any day. I’m still asking myself how it could be that I never actually... collapsed. I was always tired, exhausted and malnourished... I dunno, you tell me.

The thoughts never really disappeared. They kept coming back in all variations. You don’t love him anymore. You have to leave him. You may not want to, but you have to. You don’t love him. I had very few “good moments” in between but in those good moments, my mind was usually frantically looking for explanations and reasons behind all this. For ways to improve my relationship, to feel better about my boyfriend. I came up with the WEIRDEST shit. Almost every day I found something new that bothered me. One day he was a little boring. That’s it! We gotta go out more, do more stuff, that’ll change everything. ... aaah, no. Guess not. The next day, it was something else. The day after THAT, it was something entirely different again.

I was suddenly prone to making some HELLA weird impulsive decisions, too. „I gotta break off contact to that one person RIGHT now, THEN I WILL FEEL BETTER!“, “I gotta talk to my mom about THAT particular incident in my childhood right now, THEN I WILL FEEL BETTER!”, “I gotta make a trip to the mall JUST NOW, THEN I WILL FEEL BETTER!”… the decisions made total sense to me the second I made them, for about ten minutes at most, but the initial rush of relief started to fade again quickly and I frantically started looking for new solutions. Google was my best friend. I couldn’t go a day without googling exessively. Overthinking, pacing, googling. Any day, any hour awake. Over weeks. A few months even. My mind was constantly reeling. It was a bottomless pit.  

I cannot put into words how exhausting that was. Sometimes the idea of throwing myself out of the next window seemed SO tempting, not because I wanted to die, but because I wanted the thoughts to stop tormenting me.

(I was out of regular therapy at the time, btw. I thought about calling my therapist about it but never did it. I felt isolated, I literally thought I had to do this all by myself.)

At some point, a few months into it, I somehow transferred to zombie mode. The thoughts became a little less intense over time. They were never gone but not quite as nagging anymore. But any time I wasn’t in alert mode, I felt just hollow instead. Sucked dry of any joy, of any emotion, of any sign of life. I just... functioned. Still tried to hide it. I dunno how well I did with that. Probably not at all well. I kept it all to myself, just because it felt that ridiculous. Tried to find excuses. “I’m just tired.”, “You know, there’s a lot going on in my head right now, but I’ll be good.” ... truth is that I don’t remember a whole lot of that time, it’s all blurry. There are just a few significant moments.

Such as that one evening, after work, when I left the building, made a few steps and stood five (or ten? fifteen??? who knows?! not me.) minutes on the spot, motionless, because I could no longer remember my way home.

I got fired from that job, by the way. I’m sure it was mostly due to low performance, I get it, but I can’t blame my poor state alone - they were also assholes.

Anyway.

I had, of course, never stopped the googling and one day, after hours of browsing any niche I hoped I hadn’t browsed yet, I somehow found a blog written by a young woman like me. The description tackled almost all of my thought patterns and I was blown. away. She asked herself the very same questions, with the very same twists, and... she even had a name for it.

ROCD. Relationship Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

I cried for what felt like hours. Out of relief. There was a person in this world who knew exactly what I was going through. And she even had tips how to overcome it. It wasn’t the first time I had heard about OCD, but as it had never affected me in any way before (I, too, associated it with compulsive hand washing and tile jumping), I wouldn’t have thought of it. After doing my own intense research on the subject, a huge part of me and my life finally started making sense to me. Not much was known about ROCD at the time, but it kinda didn’t matter anyway. What mattered was the OCD part. The subject of the thoughts is entirely interchangable. It’s the chain of thoughts itself that has to be broken. Don’t focus on the relationship. Break the chain instead.

The internet also recommended exposure therapy but as therapy wasn’t an option at the time (weird German laws... regular health insurance covers only a limited amount of therapy lessons within a certain span of time and I had used mine up and there was no way I could pay myself), I decided to try it myself, the key points being:

* No more googling, no more reassurance. Learn to live with the uncertainty, learn to live with Not Knowing.

* Let the thoughts happen. Watch them pass by. They’re just thoughts, they can’t harm you. Don’t fight them, just recognize them and let them stay, they’ll get less scary over time.

* Focus on other things, as hard as it is. Try to occupy your mind and your body. Any minute you spend doing something else but brooding is a win.

It all sounded so very abstract at the time, but I was determined to give it a try. Oh gosh, was it hard. After months of emotional torment and getting used to unhealthy ways of coping, it was SO DAMN FUCKING HARD to NOT google. To NOT think. It felt like torment all over again. How was I supposed to just let the thought sit with me!? It was scary, I didn’t want it! Just ONE little peek, only a second, come ON! I won’t do it again after that?!

Oh god, it was the worst, it really was. Trying to break the chain while I was so desperate to save my relationship was terrible. I honestly don’t remember HOW I made it... but I made it. I somehow... clawed and bit my way out of it. I went right through the pain and made it. It’s not actually a linear process but there comes this point (and I know a few people I met on online platforms who would back me up on this) when you know the worst is over. You just know it. Things weren’t exactly good by the time the thoughts were history but I had reign over my own head again, I could actually SEE the world again, and that was worth everything plus my body weight in gold.

I’ll stop right here because the following months weren’t about my OCD anymore, but about figuring out needs, figuring out myself and what I wanted from life and this particular relationship and it’s not quite relevant and another story. (I DID love my ex-BF but it turned out he wasn’t at all good for me, I had ignored all the red flags for too long, and it didn’t take long after this for us to go separate ways)

I hated this particular time in my life while it lasted but I have learned and taken so much from it. It has changed my life in so many ways. I learned that things are never set in stone, not for anyone. That there will always be uncertain times on our ways. That change is always scary. That it’s okay to be scared. That staying in crappy situations for the sake of it isn’t always the right thing to do. Sometimes, doing the right thing (aka leaving a relationship that isn’t good for you) can make you sad. Love does not equal compatibility.

Looking back, I am - in a very bizarre and twisted way - grateful for the experience. It was an incredibly important lesson for me that taught me to be kinder to myself, to look out for myself and to listen to my own needs. That I should put myself first at times. For the first time of my life, I really got in touch with myself and my own emotions. I learned to understand them, I learned where they come from. I learned to cut myself slack at times.

The list goes on and on, but you get my drift. I know myself inside and out at this point. That wasn’t always the case. Not until 2016.

It still comes back at times. Not with such full force, but it keeps creeping back in, pretty much any time I have to deal with uncertainty in my life. Bad news at work, not hearing from a friend for a while that I’m dying to hear from (inevitably thinking that they MUST be mad at me) or when I spot a few symptoms of sickness that I’m not familiar with (I practically never get sick). Not Knowing What Will Happen drives me CRAZY. I hate uncertainty, I need my life to be stable and calm to fully function.

Now, in COVID times, it’s mostly the fear of suffering from an incurable disease. AGAIN. I’m familiar with that, too. I’m not even scared of catching the virus, I just fell right back into overthinking any symptom I have, even if it’s just a short pain in the neck or whatever (you know, things that one usually brushes off). When my life was busier, I was MUCH better at handling those thoughts. Most of the time, they didn’t even come up in first place. Sitting inside and avoiding contact 99,9% of all times, and having little to no actual distraction („reading/watching movies“ doesn’t help me personally, it does’t occupy my mind enough, I usually just stare right through the pages/screen), however, leaves FAR too much time for the thoughts to unfold, once they come up.

This subtle but lingering concern for my health puts my body into a permanent state of anxiety once more. Fight and Flight mode. The pace of my heartbeat is always slightly, but perpetually, increased. It isn’t always outright panic attacks, it’s this constant state of having to be… alert. Something MIGHT happen, y’know. Be prepared. Relaxing and doing nice things becomes almost impossible. Instead, I get tired and exhausted. Depressed, even. It sucks the joy right out of me. I feel like living under a glass dome. I see what’s happening around me but I am unable to connect, emotionally. People keep living their lives and I can watch them, but I can’t be a part of it. It’s a deeply crushing feeling. I manage to somehow function but I don’t really feel alive. My abandonment issues and fear of „getting left behind“ kicked in again, too. I want to catch up and take part but can’t so I stress myself over THAT, too. This only adds to the exhaustion and makes me feel even more isolated.  

Hello, vicious circle, my old friend.

I didn’t even realize that I had such huge potential to fall right back into it. It all started… I dunno, by mid/end of January?? It’s a bit blurry this time. It is directly connected to Germany’s recent lockdown, though. A massive case of Not Knowing How Things Will Turn Out. I failed to take better care of myself in the past few weeks. And now I’m here. AGAIN. Ugh.

But well, as I said, it’s not as bad and, as I said, I have at least learned some important things over the years. In this particular case of intrusive thoughts, the first rule is: NEVER GOOGLE SYMPTOMS. And never google shit like „chances to survive (whatever illness think you have at the time)“, either. The mind longs for reassurance but googling symptoms is BAD, as we all know by now. It’s not even reassuring when you do it. Because you’ll inevitably end up diving through the vast internet for HOURS, picking up an entry that some person named Kevin made on a cancer forum way back in 2004, saying that his uncle died the next day after finding out he has cancer and that is, OF COURSE, what will happen to YOU, too. There is no other way. YOU WILL DIE.

Excuse the text walls. I took an opportunity to ramble about my own experience, for the first time ever since it happened (not including the few short talks I had with the few people I met on internet forums).

To anyone who made it this far: Thank you so much for reading. It sure felt good to write this down for once, even if it’s just a short summary (yes, really, I mean, we’re talking six-ish months here), and the descriptions fall woefully short. If anyone affected by the same happens to read this -  I am so, SO sorry you are suffering so much. You are NOT alone and you are NOT weird. Talk to someone. Open up. To your doctor, or you therapist, if you have one. To a person you trust. It is the worst but there are ways, there is help. I wish I had known at the time it started for me.

You know now. :)

P.S.: DON’T FUCKING GOOGLE:

#ocd #rocd #obsessive compulsive disorder #relationship obsessive compulsive disorder #mental disorder #sanne rambles

[dmcfsstory]

Also available on Ao3: [link]

Full Proofreaded by Hotspot-the-626th(@ deviantart)

Proofreaded a bit by @graphic-mistake​ and @wikimb​

Partner Artist: @wikimb​

Word count: 5877

Trigger Warning: Violence/Gore description - Depression cases

Prologue: [Link]

A few weeks later...

November 2nd - 04:05 PM

Nero was walking alone in the middle of a small city on the mainland; despite the weather being brisk, he was wearing his jacket. It was new, but it was like his old one, which had blue leather, zipped with the hood up. He walked slowly but not in a straight line, hands pocketed, and pissed off. His eyes were sunken in, and his beard the length similar to his uncle's.

On his back, he carried his brand new sword Nico made using the remains of his previous one:

"Devil Queen"

Category: Human-made

Type: Slash and Magic Catalyst

User(s): Nero

Description: The ultimate version of Nero's old Red Queen. Its revving function is now fuelled by Nero's demon magic.

The new sword was quite similar to the previous one, but with a few upgrades; it has a chainsaw on one side and a typical blade on the other side. The engine grew a bit in size with larger exhausts. At the end of the handle, a keychain was made of a feather from the man's spectral wings.

From the shadows came a few Riots, Baphomets and Hell Cainas. They slowly circled around him, sensing the rageful aura that surrounded him.

A few Baphomets started the fight by casting ice spikes under Nero's feet. He easily avoided them by jumping backward; while he did so, he grabbed his sword. 

At his last jump, two Riots jumped over him. He had no trouble at all grabbing them by the neck with his Devil Bringers. When the Hell Cainas started to approach, he threw the two lizards at the Baphomets that barely could get out of the way in time and ended up being smashed against the ground. 

A Hell Caina swung their scythe towards Nero's chest. He swiftly parried the attack. Others of its kind got closer and started to sword fight Nero, but he could parry and defend every single swing. At the same time, he shot at the jumping Riots with his recently upgraded gun, which now also had a key charm made with another feather of his spectral wings.

Carnage Rose

Category: Human-made

Type: Fire gun and Magic Catalyst

User(s): Nero

Description: With the upgrade, the gun shoots faster. It's easier to channel Nero's magic through it, making him able to use the special spectral projectiles he would only be able to use while in his Devil Trigger state.

When all of them were trembling on their feet, he carved the sword into the ground, and when he turned the switch on the handle, the chainsaw activated, bursting blue flames from his magic.

He swung his sword against the Hell Cainas and Riots; the teeth of the chainsaw ripped the demon flesh to ribbons as if they were made out of paper. Meanwhile, the Baphomets were starting their ice incantations to stop Nero from killing their comrades.

But it was put to a stop by an enormous bolt of purple electricity, not dead but stunned.

Nero turned around to look behind him. It was Kyrie, with a proud yet nervous glint in her eyes, holding her magical staff with a silver rose at the top.

"That was sick!" he said, pumping more adrenaline into her system.

She wasn't the same opera singer she was in the Order. She changed a lot since the incident, both mentally and physically. Her hair was a medium bob cut with a strip of white parted to the side and is held in place with a feather from Nero's Spectral wing. A small scar on the left side of her forehead was more visible; she got it during the orphanage attack back in Fortuna. She was wearing a long all-black leather jacket, jeans, leather gloves, and combat boots with a few purple details that threw out the outfit.

The oddest part of this new version of Kyrie was her eyes. Her right eye was the usual warm brown that Nero knew. In contrast, her left eye had sectoral heterochromia, with one half of the iris brown and the other half a light blue.

"The spellcasters are yours," Nero pointed to the Baphomets.

Kyrie nodded confidently and ran up to them. They were starting to get up when they noticed her and began to flee. She aimed the rose end of her staff at them. Blades from under the rose opened and started to spin at high speed to channel her magic energy.

A large bean of electricity came out from the wide-open silver rose, obliterating all that was in its path beside one. 

When the bean ended, the staff closed up to cool down. Kyrie kneeled tiredly from the amount of magic used. The sole surviving Baphomet saw an opportunity to strike back. It cast its spell and then threw a sharp ice spear at Kyrie.

Before the ice could impale her tired body, a red energy barrier appeared in front of her, blocking the deadly attack. The border absorbed the impact and then shot back the same amount of force at the demon, killing it instantly.

Nero, who had his arm stretched in Kyrie's direction, controlled the barrier; his eyes were shining green and his facial hair much darker.

Nero nearly yelled at Kyrie for rushing ahead but controlled his nerves and just yelled, "Oe oe, don't use your magic like that! You can't unload everything at the very beginning.." His eyes then returned to blue, and his facial hair silver.

"Sorry, I got too excited," she said, embarrassed. 

He tisked. "If you keep acting like a kid in a candy store, I can't leave you alone. Yet" he said with a teasing tone.

"Ah! No, no, no!" she exclaimed. "I will be kicking demon asses in no time! You will see!"

Nero gave an honest smile to her. He moved closer to her and gave her a chaste kiss on her forehead. "I know you will, darling."

Making her cheeks flush more. 

Minutes later…

Kyrie was at the city's small police station receiving payment for the successful demon hunting and killing. At the same time, Nero waited outside, leaning back on the front part of the van.

He had a numb look in his eyes and a blank expression, hood up and his hand in his pockets. His mind drifted.

Without warning, he started to cough up blood. Fresh red blood hit the pavement, intense pain began to flood his system. He kneeled to the ground, unable to endure the pain.

"No… not again…" he whispered painfully.

Kyrie stepped outside of the police station with the money in hand, excited to show Nero her progress. Unfortunately, her enthusiasm was ripped away when she saw Nero hunched on the ground.

“NERO!" she screamed as she sprinted towards him, also calling Nico's attention from inside the van.

"NO!" he shouted between bloody coughs."Don't touch me!"

Nico jumped out of the van very quickly. "OH SHIT! Don't tell me he…!" she stopped when she saw all the blood dripping not just out of his mouth, but also from his nose and eyes.

"Come on, man! Get inside!" she said as she put her arm around him to pull him up and help it into the van. Kyrie walked over to Nero's other side to help, but Nico made a signal for her to not touch him, which made her apprehensive.

While helping Nero into the van, Nico started to recall past events that were all too familiar to this situation:

Back to August 20th - 06:00 PM

Kyrie was being taken to a modern hospital on the continent. Her wounds were so severe that she had entered a coma. She was only breathing with the help of special equipment. Her head was partially wrapped in bandages around the gash that a demon had inflicted. The room was not expensive-looking, but it wasn't cheap either. There was a comfortable chair for the patient's visitors to rest on by the bed's right side.

The place was dead silent. The beeps of the Holter Monitor was the only sound filling it.

The lights of the room were dim. 

Nico slowly entered the room, looking for Nero. She only saw the empty chair on the other side of the room, behind the bed, from her perspective. "Nero? Nero, where are you?"

After she entered, Lady and Trish walked in behind her. "He's not here?" Trish asked. 

"He should be. He barely leaves her side unless to use the restroom", Nico said very worriedly.

Lady and Trish got closer to the bed to take a better look at Kyrie. They both were shocked to see her in that state. 

Trish, unbelieving the situation of the human girl, said in a depressed tone, "no… why do humans have to be so fragile like this? This is unfair…"

"I know, right?" Nico nearly whispered.

Nico stepped closer to the bed, circling Trish and Lady to be on the other side. Before reaching it, she heard a splash coming from under her shoes. She looked down and saw a small puddle of blood, passing under the bed from the direction of the chair. She hurried over to see what was on the opposite side of the bed.

"HOLY SHIT! NERO!" she yelled in panic.

Nero had fallen out of his chair, unconscious. He had blood coming from his eyes and nose. There was still a little amount of blood dripping from the corner of his mouth. Trish and Lady went to see what was going on; they both were shocked when they saw the same sight. Nico quickly kneeled and went to check his pulse on his neck. 

Relieved, she told the others, "Thank God, he's alive."

The moment Trish got closer to Nero to assess what had happened, only she could see some flickering blue and red energy strings. It was acting like static around him. Trish stepped back, looking inexplicably scared and confused. Nico immediately noticed how apprehensive she got.

"What's up?" She was confused as well.

"Nothing… I hope…" Trish replied nervously.

She extended her hand towards Nero's head. The moment she touched him, she could see a yellow light string coming out of her hand, trying to connect to the ones that surrounded Nero's body. The moment it touched his, she felt like her entire body was being electrocuted.

She let out a painful scream and fell to the floor.

Not being able to see what truly happened, Lady shouted, worried, "Oh my God! What happened? Are you okay?"

While Trish got back on her feet, she explained, "As I suspected… he's desyncing…"

"He's what now?!" Nico asked, confused.

"Nico, you know the Demonologist, Victor?"

She took a few seconds to respond, confused by the question. "Ah, yes. Why?"

Still feeling a bit of the pain from the shock, she said, "He can explain better how Synchronization works. You need to take Nero there as fast as you can. But to sum up what is happening. He got problems with his demon magic."

Back to the present days…

Nero was lying down on the van's couch. He had a bit of a fever, but the bleeding stopped. Kyrie was just observing him, sitting in one of the chairs. She could see the light strings flashing around him. 

"Can't you see them?" Kyrie asked Nico about the light strings.

"I told you, no. Neither Lady could. It's a demonic magic thing," Nico replied as she was driving at high speed out of the highway.

"Don't touch him. You won't like to get hurt." Nico reinforced.

"I won't, don't worry," Kyrie said, a bit annoyed.

There was dead silence inside the van. Only the engine and the suspension rocking with every bump as the vehicle raced down the road. 

Kyrie looked at her hands, thoughtfully. So much had changed since the attack on the orphanage, it didn't look like it had just passed a bit more than two months. She clenched her fists confidently, and a bit of purple magical energy lightened up.

"OH FUCK!" Nico yelled.

Kyrie ran to the front of the van to see what was going on. Once out, she was more surprised than Nico; it was demons very similar to those that attacked the orphanage, but none of them had armor aside from some chest protection. This time they were being accompanied by new flying fellas that looked like a vulture version of them. The only difference was the black steam mane that, in their case, was their tail, and they were hornless.

They were all being able to run together with the van.

"I got this!" Kyrie shouted.

Before she gets to the door, some of the doggy demons threw their bodies against the van, trying to make it lose stability.

Kyrie trembled on her feet but didn't fall. 

"Just keep going, Nico! Nero needs to get to the doctor," she shouted to her partner.

 "GET OUT OF MY WAY, YOU PIECES OF SHIT! There's a sick person here!" Nico shouted while pushing harder on the accelerator.

Kyrie got her staff and opened the van's door. There was a demon already waiting for her. The monster jumped in her direction in an attempt to bite her. 

Using her elbow, she heavily hit the head of the demon, throwing them back into the asphalt.

Incredibly confident, she did a high jump off the van, and quickly, she adjusted her staff under her feet. As the sclera from her left eye turned black and the pupil shined in white, the blades started to run at high speed, magically. Very similar to Nero's but made out of purple light, enormous spectral wings came out of the silver rose among many lightning bolts. 

She started to ride her staff as if it was a flying skateboard.

She could now understand the demons yelling. "Dragon! Dragon! Give us the Dragon!"

"Even if I knew what you're talking about! I wouldn't give it to you!" She bravely yelled as she closed the van's door.

The flying ones tried to hit her by diving from the sky. She avoided them by quickly swinging on her flying staff before increasing her speed. So much so she went ahead of the van. 

Surprised by Kyrie's speed, Nico gave a quick look at the speedometer. It showed that she was moving at one hundred twenty kilometers per hour; Kyrie was a little faster than that.

 "Holy shit, girl," she whispered with a smile.

"What's going on?!" Nero shouted from the sofa, still a bit dizzy.

"Your girl is kicking demon ass, man!." Nico yelled excitedly.

Nero moved fast so he could get to the front seat to see outside.

Four demons were getting closer to Kyrie and were preparing for a combined attack. Sensing the incoming attack, she got ready for it. At the moment she heard the roaring and seeing the creatures jump, she acted quickly. She willed the staff's wings to fuse, and they then assumed the shape of a scythe blade.

Precisely, she spun her body at high speed, and with the strength of her legs, she swung the blade in their direction. Thanks to inertia, they could not dodge, and the edge cuts through their bodies very smoothly. 

Once she finished her swing, she returned back to the initial position. Looking back, she began grinning in happiness and surprise; her plan worked perfectly.

Nico felt it necessary to pass over the demons' bodies with the van's wheels and did so with a smile. In doing so, the van jumped high enough to take both Nico and Nero out of the seat for a brief moment.

"How this shit still fucking works?!" Nero shouted worrisomely.

Kyrie now had to take care of the avians. They kept attacking her by diving, but luckily she could avoid them all. Still, sometimes she had to rebalance her body, almost losing balance and making Nero's hair lighter than it already was.

She rose in the air and flew over the van's roof. The flying demons, thus, started to aim their claws at her. 

She deactivated the staff's winged mode, landed on the roof, and got ready to hit them full force.

Between their dives and her dodges, she swung the staff to land the heaviest part of it on the demons' bodies or even their heads, heavily damaging them and making them fall on the road.

When she threw away the last one, she started to cheer happily since she had yet to receive a single wound.

"That's it, girl!" Nico cheered.

Nero couldn't help it; he gave a wide, proud smile.

"Hey! I can see the city!" Kyrie screamed.

"Finally, bro… let's discover what is going on with 'ya," Nico said low to Nero.

Nero just took a slow and deep breath, very worried about what's to come.

Pitch Black City - 07:43 PM

The van slowly entered the large megalopolis. Kyrie and Nero were mesmerized by the enormous skyscrapers and the vast number of people walking in the streets, not to mention high car traffic. Kyrie got a bit intimidated with all of that; it was her first time in a big city and the first time out of Fortuna for real.

They arrived at the gate of an enormous and fancy building, perhaps it had more than twenty floors. Once Nico talked with the concierge, a few minutes later, the gates opened. Nico parked the van at a space for visits.

"Follow me now!" Nico told them as she left the van.

The building entrance was so fancy and beautiful that it screamed "rich and high class" to them. At the elevator, Nico typed the floor level on the panel: number forty-two. 

Kyrie got apprehensive as the elevator doors closed. She had to hold Nero's hand to feel more secure around all the top-notch modern technology.

"Are you sure he's trustworthy?" Nero asked, sounding relatively low and a little intimidating.

"Yeah, yeah, man. Hold your fire. He IS trust-worthy." Nico replied quite calmly.

The elevator arrived pretty quickly to the destination. At the entrance hall, there were only two doors. Nico went to knock on the entry labeled as "forty-two A."

A man's voice came from inside, "password?"

"Don't start me with this bullshit, old man!" Nico yelled in a mocking tone.

The door opened, and then a man, around fifty years old, showed. He had very thick glasses, a skin color like Nico's with some freckles and dark brown hair. He wasn't so tall, around 1.60 meters(5′24″ft) high, but his curved back made him look smaller, and he had to use a cane to help him walk. 

"Yep! That's my niece!" The man said happily.

"Uncle Vic!" Nico yelled happily.

They both greeted each other with two kisses on the cheeks. 

The man looked at Kyrie and Nero up and down before raising his hand to greet them. "You must be Kyrie and Nero. I'm Victor Dryblood"

Kyrie did a customary handshake with Victor; however, he slowly did one while staring very suspiciously when it came to Nero.

"Nice to meet you!" Kyrie said politely with a smile.

"It's my pleasure. Come inside. I just made tea." He invited them.

The apartment made Kyrie's jaw drop and made Nero astonished. With an open-concept kitchen, the living room was nearly the size of the apartment they had on Fortuna and looked like it came out of an interior design magazine. There were no walls on the outer part of the building; instead, they had large reinforced windows that allowed a panoramic view of the city. The furniture was mostly black and white and very modern looking while the floor was of expensive dark wood.

"Is he… really your uncle?" Nero asked Nico, suspiciously, though still mesmerized by the place.

"Aye, the only part from my father that doesn't suck…" Nico replied with a disgusted tone.

Nero stared at Victor, trying to see something similar to Agnus aside from the hair and skin color, but it was a bit difficult.

"Agnus is my half-brother, to be exact," Victor explained to them while he got some tea mugs.

Now it made more sense why the lack of resemblance.

As he served the tea, Victor conferred with them, "So, what brings you here? Nico only told me you're having problems with demonic magic."

They were silent, feeling a bit uncomfortable to talk about their situation.

Noticing that, Victor pressured them a bit, "Okay, will Nico have to tell me or what?"

Nero took a deep breath before speaking in an attempt to gain some confidence. "What is… Sync? For a demon, of course…"

That question already helped Victor have an idea of what was going on. He gave a very suspicious look at Nero's face, and he stared deep at the man's tired eyes that weren't even the same shiny blue as they used to be.

"Take your hood off," Victor requested, not taking his eyes out of Nero's.

He didn't want to, but Nero did so cautiously. The white light from the kitchen's LEDs made Nero's face much clearer. His tired face turned to be much more awful, and his eyes were red as if he had cried for hours. His hair was downright messy, like he had not brushed in days. Some wounds, looking like scratches, were noticeable on his scalp. He felt uncomfortable with all of that exposure to a person he just met.

But what mattered most to Victor were his eyes.

"Look at me," he imposed.

Nero didn’t move his head, just his eyes to look at the man.

Nero's sclera didn't have a precise shape. It was something between his demon sclera and a human one; the iris color was also in the same state. Analyzing a bit more of Nero's body language, Victor could see he was breathing heavily. Not only this, but his muscles were exhausted, and under his large coat probably had a very unhealthy body.

"Who told you about Sync?" he questioned.

"Trish did," Nero replied quickly while he brought his hood back up... "She also told me you would know what to do about my… 'desync problem.'"

Victor gazed at Nero's form a bit more before speaking, "I knew it… You're desyncing… but... at this age?"

"What? This is a child thing?" Kyrie asked.

"No… it's a baby thing," Victor said in a worrisome tone in the end.

Nero let out a sarcastic laughing, with a bit of worrying in the end. "Great," he said ironically. "What happens with me now then?"

"If you don't Sync with your parents…" he made a dramatic pause… "you will die," Victor said rather seriously, taking off Nero's ironic smile at the same moment.

They stayed in dead silence for a few seconds, trying to process the information.

"But…" Nico interviewed, "Vergil is with Dante, and they are still in Hell…"

"They… what?!" Victor accidentally lost his composure.

"They got themselves trapped, I guess, in Hell to destroy the remaining Qliphoth roots," Nero said in a low yet angry voice.

"Wait! What they have to do with you?" Victor questioned, quite apprehensive.

Nero let out an annoyed sigh, "According to Dante… Vergil is my father…"

Victor's skin turned pale the moment he heard that, and he started to sweat cold. He let his teacup fall off and splatter tea and the cup pieces all over the floor. He got nervous and began to look away as if he had a terrible realization. 

"Oh, shoot! Uncle! You're okay?" Nico spoke, worried.

It was when, looking at the broken teacup in the ground, Kyrie noticed Victor's prosthetic left leg, that would explain the need for a cane, perhaps?

"NO WAY!" Victor slammed the desk in rage. "T-T-THAT…! BIG ASS MORRON! If I only knew…" 

"Who you're talking about?" Nico was quite confused.

"Da-Dante! That idiot! He n-n-never told me Vergil had a child!" Victor continued to yell angrily.

Drifting his mind away for a moment, Nero thought, "The stutter is a family thing?"

Since Nero didn't seem to want to talk, Kyrie went ahead and asked Victor, "Do you know Dante?"

"Yes, he and Vergil are my oldest clients." He replied, slowly regaining his sanity.

"Why did you get so mad? He hasn't told you about Nero?" Kyrie asked, rather confusedly.

Looking at Kyrie now, he replied, "Dante only told me he left the Yamato with Nero. I don't know why he hasn't told me everything… But… all the Qliphoth mess could've been avoided, I wouldn't have to tell Vergil about the Yamato either."

"YOU WHAT?!" Nero snapped back to the conversation. "You sent him?! Do you have any idea what he did to me?!"

He walked furiously towards Victor at the other side of the table, his fits clenched, ready to do something insane.

"HE RIPPED MY ARM OFF, DUDE!" he shouted, his teeth turning sharper and his eyes slowly turning a bright yellow.

"Stay away from him!" Kyrie yelled at him, putting her staff between them. 

"What's wrong with you?! Let's hear his side of the story first!" she scolded though her face showed visible confusion and concern. Nico was staring at him as well, terrified.

Nero growled as he irrationally wanted to punch Victor in the face. He noticed Victor got ready to grab some sort of small weapon by his waist under the coat, but he couldn't tell what it was. Fortunately, he decided to listen to Kyrie and walked away from him.

Looking back at Victor, Kyrie asked softly, "Please, explain more... How can you tell that if Nero helped Vergil, it would avoid the Qliphoth event? We know nothing about how hybrids work, to be honest."

Before speaking, Victor took a deep breath. "I noticed…" he whispered. "Have you heard about the Magic Spectrum?"

Kyrie shook her head.

"Ahem! So, there's a thing called 'Magic Spectrum.' Imagine a ruler that begins at minus one, the middle is zero, and the other end is plus one. 'Zero' is called 'Void,' also known as everything alive on Earth; Humans, cats, bugs, fishes, etcetera. When you start walking to the minus one edge, you have the demons. Closer to the edge, the stronger the demon.”

"What about the plus one edge?" Kyrie interrupted him.

"Those would be the angels," Nico answered.

"Angels are real?" Nero questioned, surprised but not leaving his angry face.

Victor then responded, "They were once, but no Angel has been seen since the demons expunged them from Earth more than two thousand years ago… They are considered extinct."

Still, without taking his eyes off Nero, he continued, "So! We, 'The Voids', are called like that not just because we aren't magical, but we are as the name says: 'We are empty.' Our bodies are ready to receive magic. Hybrids like you are still a Void, but a "filled void." You're the best of both worlds. You stay within the spectrum from zero to whatever it is close to minus one. That's why you have to build up your magic, also known as 'Devil Triggering,' to use your full demon potential. Let's say that you can…' walk on the spectrum.'"

Nero raised his eyebrows since some things were starting to make sense.

"But now…" Victor continued. "There's the minor spectrum or 'personal spectrum' like some of my area like to call it. Imagine that all magic is like a radio, sending and receiving signals. Each being has its own signal frequency, like magic DNA. A newborn's magic doesn't know how to keep their frequency stabilized and needs their parent's aid to do so… Or siblings from the same parents. It also works between them, but with half efficiency. The Synchronization process is when a parent and their offspring connect their 'radios,' syncing their frequencies."

Nero quickly interrupted him, "Okay… so… I would have to… 'Sync' with Vergil for this shit stop happening with me?"

"Yes, it's the only existing method in your case, and if I had known about you, I would have told Vergil, and you would have been able to save him too. Syncing with Vergil would heal him magically-wise and also put yours in place."

Nico then questioned, "What happened to Vergil?"

"The consequences of his own actions." Victor started to explain with a bit of sadness in tone behind. "Vergil tried to beat Mundus, the Demon King back then but ended up being slaved. Somehow he managed to break free from Mundus' corruption, but that had cost a lot of him."

And so, Victor told them about the last time he'd spoken with Vergil:

Back to 30 May - 04:20 AM

Victor was manipulating a golden orb inside a glass box in his laboratory when his phone started to ring out loud, nearly scaring his soul out of his body. With a bit of difficulty, since he was in a wheelchair at this point, he answered after a few rings but could only hear someone deep breathing on the other side. 

"Hello?" he said with suspicion.

"Ooooh…. good… it's the same… number… *cough cough*" said a man with a feeble and ill voice.

"Who is it?" Victor called out.

"It's me… Ve...Vergil… I need some information from you… quick…" 

It was Vergil at a phone cabinet somewhere around Fortuna. He was wearing a filthy cloak, and his skin was starting to crack like arid soil. He suddenly coughed so hard he threw out blood all over the phone.

"VE-VER-VERGIL?!" Victor shouted. "A-A-ARE YOU ALIVE?! H-Have you sur-survived Mundus' corruption?!”

"...Aah… So… Dante told -cough cough- told you…" he kinda seemed to be surprised.

"H-How?! or… Who?!" Victor asked, terrified.

Vergil held his voice and breath before speaking out loud, letting out grief from deep down his throat, "...She killed him -cough- he didn't deserve that…! -cough cough- I couldn't protect him!... It was just like that day… -cough cough cough- all over again!"

Vergil held his voice and breath, before speaking out loud, letting out grief from deep down his throat, "...She killed him -cough- he didn't deserve that…! -cough cough- I couldn't protect him!... It was just like that day… -cough cough cough- all over again!"

“Who?! The one who helped you?!” Victor asked quickly since Vergil appeared to be in a rush.

"...It doesn't matter… for you… Do you know where Yamato is…?!" Vergil started to sound angry.

"Yes… Dante found it and let over the pro-protection of a young man in Fortuna. H-H-He keeps the Yamato safe in his demonic arm…But a-anyway! where are you?! You ne-need help!" 

Vergil started to sound much weaker, "I just need my sword… I need power…-cough cough- I can't die… yet…But... my magic is killing me…" 

Without imagining what was about to happen, Victor let out: "Dante can help you with that"

"NO! I RATHER DIE!" Vergil screamed in rage, his voice distorted by his decaying health.

Out of patience with Vergil's pride, Victor screamed at him through the call, "Vergil! For God's sake! Stop with this hate towards your brother! It's not what you're thinking! You are distorting everything!"

Victor is interrupted when he hears some insanely and low laughing from the other side:

"The Qliphoth fruit… it will give me…"

“power…!" Vergil grumbled.

"NO! The fruit can't help you with that! It will only-!" But he's interrupted by the beeps of the sudden finished call.

Desperate with the incoming end of the world, Victor tried to contact Dante at the same moment, but every single attempt he tried he always got the same message: the number was busy or inactive at the moment.

It didn't matter how many times he tried, Dante hasn't paid the phone bills anyway.

Hell - Nowadays - Apparently night time…?

At the remains of the dead Qliphoth roots, sounds of some kind of wind bursts accompanied by electric static can be heard from far away. Many rooting bodies of defeated demons were laying around the large open area of the place. 

At the center of it, had a massive portal made with Yamato and Vergil's magic.

Dante was running straight forward to the portal, but every time he got in contact with it, the portal tossed him back.

"Dante!" Vergil called for him. "Dante stop!"

After the last launch, Dante turned to his brother and rather annoyed he asked him, "Are you sure this is the strongest portal you know?"

For much of his annoyance, Vergil wanted to respond in the same tone, but instead, he replied quite calmly, "Yes! I used to do this for Mundus' most powerful minions. But with the power of Yamato, it should be ten times stronger!"

A simple Riot used the open distraction of the brothers and passed through the portal normally.

After witnessing that scene, Dante raised his arms pointing, hands wide open, at the portal with a very annoyed yet surprised face. 

"How then?!" he yelled at his brother.

Vergil took a deep breath before speaking. "I don't know! There are only two possible situations: either we are too powerful beings now OR as hybrids, we need some sort of special portal… or both..."

Dante got up from the dirty ground very tired and lowering a bit his voice and nerves he said, "Did you feel what I felt a few days ago, right? Some bad shit is going on in the human world!"

"I know brother, I know…" Vergil responded. 

Dante let out a tsk before speaking and stared at the portal closing, "Nero will kill us…"

Vergil stared into the closing portal as well and then at the ground with an empty look.

"None of this would be happening If I could protect Baby…" he whispered.

"Eh?" Who? Nero's mother?" Dante asked, quite lost.

"No.," Vergil said drily.

"Da fuck? To be called "baby", who else would be? A child?" He questioned Vergil, more confused than before.

Getting in the middle of their conversation, loud thunderclaps shouted in the sky.

Vergil got scared at the same moment and suddenly started to run away. "We must find cover! Quick!"

"Why bother? Scared of getting a little wet?" Dante tried to mock his brother, that was a bit far already.

Without previous warning, a small rock in flames passed too close to Dante's shoulder, leaving the shoulder pad with a small fire on it.

"VERGIL! WAIT!" Dante screamed while he tried to catch up with his brother.

They both ran away endlessly, trying to find shelter around the remains of the colossal roots to protect themselves from the fireball rain.

To be continued...

Chapter 2: [HERE]

#forgotten sins story #devil may cry #devil may cry 5 #nerokiri #dmc5 nero #fanfic #dmc5 nico #original character

[leviskokoro]

Christmas in The Devildom | Home Alone Edition

desc :: Mari tells a tale of what happened during her Christmas during her exchange student program.

word count :: 2247

note/s :: I got this idea about Mari having to defend herself from demons while she’s alone on Christmas. But then I realised... “Hey! This is literally just the premise of Home Alone!” so I decided to write it.

relationship/s :: implied fluffwings | jack x mari / implied greedwings | mammon x mari

art credit :: KEMM01 on Deviantart

edit credit :: me

Holiday season was a lovely time of cheer and giving for most people. Mari gave a sigh of relief, finally done giving her last gift of the day. Yes, seeing the generally happy reactions of the people she cared for brought joy to her weary heart, even if those people didn’t necessarily care for her back. Now it was just time to relax during the NRC Christmas party.

Everyone from every dorm had gathered to the cafeteria to partake in the festivities. Every nook and cranny had been decorated to perfection. But maybe that was pushing things a bit since Mari was the one that had to decorate everything after Crowley pushed the work onto her for the hundredth time she’s lived in Twisted Wonderland at the last minute when he just decided that a Christmas party might help bring students together more. At least she can rest while the first years talked about how they spent their Christmas at home.

“Mari.” The girl looked up to see Epel looking at her with a curious gaze. “What was Christmas like for you when you were in your world?”

“Yeah, we’ve been the ones talking here but you haven’t shared anything the whole time,” Ace spoke up as he bit into some cookies.

“Ah, sorry—”

“Didn’t you live in Hell for a year? What’s Christmas there like?” Deuce asked, placing a finger to his chin in thought.

Mari was silent for a moment, trying to get her thoughts and memories in order.

“Um… it’s kind of a long story. Are you guys alright with that?” She glanced at each of their faces for confirmation.

“You’re an excellent storyteller, Mari. It’d be wonderful to hear it,” Sebek chimed in, placing his food on the table and sitting with them.

She nodded, relieved that they seemed to be alright to tell them.

“So… I was mostly left alone during the holidays—”

“Eh? Left alone?” Ace raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah… We were going to celebrate but the demon brothers and the folks at Purgatory Hall were called to a meeting and had to take care of some business in a farther area in the Devildom. I wasn’t able to come because that place had particularly deadly air for humans…”

“Why do I have to go?! There’s gonna be a whole bunch of Christmas special limited edition figurines for Rurichan and all my favorite idols!” Levi had complained as he stuffed his fifth Rurichan figurine into his luggage.

“I was planning on eating a Christmas feast…” Beel had also whined, rubbing his stomach. In his hands were three gigantic bags filled with snacks and snacks only.

“Is it really okay to leave Mari here?” Asmo asked, who was mostly just clinging onto her body; She’s had to swat his grabby hands from touching her more intimate parts a couple times but cuddles with him were generally still quite lovely. Among them, he had the most packed luggages that was all dedicated to his beauty and fashion.

“Yeah, lesser demons might take this opportunity to sneak into this place and eat Mari.” Satan at least had a reasonable amount of bags. Though, he held one novel in his arm.

She sighed, running her hand through her sift chocolate locks. “Guys, no offense but you were the ones to put me in the most danger here during my exchange program here.”

They all seemed sheepish now. “Uhh—“

“Enough whining. We’re going to be late already,” Lucifer spoke up. “Mari should be fine. No one would be stupid enough to harm her if they knew the consequence will be being charged with treason and being tortured for eternity.”

Mari gave a thumbs up. “Yeah. There’s nothing to worry about.” Her eyes widened, noticing something rather odd.

She looked around. “Where’s Mammon?” She asked.

“He said he had something to do,” Satan answered.

Lucifer turned around and started walking. “We’ll leave him behind. He can catch up,” he spoke. His shoes made light clicking noises against the floor as he left the premises, the rest of the brothers followed him.

“Hey! Wait up!” Mammon yelled as he darted out of his room, carrying a bunch of stuff with him.

“Hey! Are you guys telling stories?” Kalim’s bright voice interrupted her speech. A large grin was plastered on his face.

“Kalim, don’t just barge into conversations like that,” Jamil scolded him. He carried two trays filled with food, one for him and one for Kalim.

“It’s fine! I was getting to the interesting part.”

“Très bien! How wonderful to see you all spending quality time during this festive party! It touches my heart,” Rook’s voice appeared from behind them, causing some of the first years to jump in surprise.

“Your bodyguards left you alone during Christmas? That seems rather irresponsible of them if they knew there was still a chance of you being attacked by demons,” Vil spoke as the two also sat down at the table next to theirs.

She nodded, looking down and biting her lip. “Well… The house did end up being attacked.”

“EH?!” Their eyes were as wide as the plates they were eating from.

“How did you manage to survive?”

“During the last day of school, a bunch of lesser demons had whispered about taking the opportunity to come by and eat my soul after classes. Little did they know, I had overheard their conversation and that gave me some time to prepare…”

Mari rushed around the House of Lamentation, rope and other sorts of equipment that she hastily purchased from Akuzon in her arm. Knowing that this house had a variety of magical items that even she could use despite having a lack of it.

Satan’s room had all sorts of cursed books and Levi’s room had magical merch. If worse comes to worst, she’ll use the grimoire underground. It’s more of a last resort since she knew what happened when Luke was lost and ended up there. Lucifer would’ve killed her if it weren’t for Diavolo.

She stopped in her tracks when she looked into Mammon’s stuff in case he had anything that could be used. Her eyes widened to see a murder of crows in his room.

… What?

One of the crows flew up and landed on her shoulder. “Hey there! You’re Mari, right? We’re Mammon’s familiars! He told us a lot about you. He had us stay here to watch over you.”

“That idiot is so reckless that she’d probably get herself into trouble without me so make sure nothing bad happens to her!” … were his exact words.” A different crow spoke up, imitating his voice and tone with such perfect accuracy that it startled the girl.

A grim pulled at her lips. “Great! A bunch of demons are coming here soon and I’ll be needing your help to defend the place.” She explained her plan to them.

“Wow! You already got this thing planned out,” the first crow commented. “Just give us the order and we’ll do our best!”

Mari nodded, smiling in gratitude for them. She turned around and rushed out the room to start setting everything up.

Using her knowledge of the items in the House of Lamentation, she set up a bunch of traps around the place and sat in the living room, waiting for them to trigger. Near each trap was at least one crow to lure the demons into the traps. In one hand was a controller for one of Levi’s consoles. The other held a specific book that was just titled “Void”.

“Really hope this works…” The girl muttered, her grip around the items tightened.

A cacophony of screams echoed throughout the place and several crows flew to her from different directions, signalling that the traps were successful.

She gave a sigh of relief, happy that they worked. There had been this worry that gnawed at her heart when she thought of the possibility of her ropework being too weak. Fortunately, that seemed to not be the case.

Mari checked the bands she put on their feet. Each crow had a different color so that she would know which traps got triggered.

Red, white, yellow, and green… Ah!

Red was in charge of luring the demon into a tripwire trap where if they triggered it, it’d pull the pin from a makeshift grenade she made out of Ruri-chan’s Extra Devilish Spicy Powder that she got from Levi’s room. Levi described it to be so spicy that it can cause a demon to pass out as soon as it comes into contact with their nose and eyes.

White was in charge of watching the catapult. If the door with the trap gets opened, the demon would get Asmo’s “special rope” launched at them. It would completely immobilise anyone if it makes contact with someone’s skin.

Yellow was the one watching over the gun trap. If the window was opened, it’d pull the trigger on the replica gun she got from Levi’s room. It had been from “I Got Isekai’d To A Fantasy Historical Drama But I Didn’t Expect To Find Out That 7 Generals Would Fall For Me”. The bullets weren’t lethal or anything, but they were the magical sort that could knock out a demon with one bullet.

Last but not least was green, who watched over the back door. She roped up a bunch of cursed books from Satan’s room, careful not to touch them with her bare hands, and hung them over the door. If triggered, it would drop all the books and curse the demon into 5 months of deep slumber. 5 months felt a bit excessive, but it was probably better than being charged of treason and being tortured for eternity.

However, it seemed that the other two crows didn’t return just yet.

Then, rushed footsteps started approaching the living room. She looked up to see the last crows flying and two demons running towards her. The looks on their faces oozed with murderous intent as they neared her.

… Shit, looks like the last two traps either didn’t get triggered or they found a way around them.

But all she did was bite her lip and opened the book with the pages facing them.

The room started shaking as a dark aura covered the book. The demons screamed when they started getting pulled into the pages of the book, scrambling to keep their ground. However this was in vain, as they ended up getting sucked into the book anyway.

And with that, Mari gave a loud sigh of relief, dropping her body onto the couch. She pressed a button on the controller.

Nothing around her really happened upon pressing it. But the other demons that were immobilised were put into Levi’s game. She had to know their identities first, which was surprisingly easy to find on Devilgram. She should be able to let them out later. Hopefully they don’t die in the game. She had set it to easy mode, after all.

“Yay! We did it!” The crows cheered, gathering close to each other and even doing a little dance in the process.

“... And that was the end of that story. After that night, the demon brothers came back and we spent a lovely Christmas together, the Devildom way.” Mari’s story came to a close. She looked at all the students that were immersed in her story.

“You were able to defend yourself against a whole group of demons in a single night?!” Ace’s eyes were wide open. His expression was mirrored by the others.

“Très bien! You’ve displayed such wonderful resourcefulness against opponents who are much stronger than you!” Rook praised her in his own fashion, gazing at her with his amused hunter green irises.

Jamil nodded, placing his hand to his chin in thought. A small smile could be seen on his face if one were to look close enough. “Using what you had around the house to use as traps… How clever,” he mumbled.

“You’d be a great fit for Scarabia!” Kalim grinned.

“You were able to set all those traps in such a short amount of time. With that sort of workspeed, Pomefiore could make use of your efforts,” Vil retorted, crossing his arms.

A new voice spoke up, “Oh, but her cunning wit should be further honed in Octavinelle. I’m sure I’d make better use of her skill.”

Jamil’s expression turned sour at the sight of the dorm leader of Octavinelle.

“Nonsense! She belongs in Diasomnia with the young master!” Sebek’s voice boomed across the cafeteria.

“Oi! Quiet down, you noisy brat,” Leona spoke up from another table beside them. He glared at the first year.

And that was the start of a rather chaotic argument between all the dorms.

Jack and Mari looked at each other with exasperated expressions.

“You wanna get out of here?” She offered.

All he did was scratch the back of his head and nod. “Yeah, it’d be better if we just went somewhere else.”

The two of them got up and sneaked away from the group that was too absorbed in their fight.

Although, Mari couldn’t help the smile creeping on her face as she processed the fact that they had complimented her. At the time, she didn’t think it was all too special. But it felt really nice to receive such validation.

Perhaps they saw her better now. Someone who isn’t weak all because she had no magic.

The thought soothed her.

#twisted wonderland #twst #obey me #obey me! shall we date? #my mc #kokoro writes

[clara-licht]

You’ve Gotta Be Kidding Me

You woke up in a familiar place with Marvel actors staying there. Or at least, you thought they were actors...

Pairing: The Avengers & Reader Genre: Platonic, general Word Count: 1.9k Note: This is an edited version from my old work in deviantart where the idea is you somehow met the Avengers, but you thought they were the actors instead. It’s been a while since I last wrote something so this was a nice refresher! I got a Peter Parker imagine in works right now, though.

When you opened your eyes, you instantly regretted it.

"Ugh!"

You shielded your eyes from the burning light. When your eyes finally adapted to the lightings, you took in your surroundings. You were in a familiar room. But you didn't think you've been there before. It just that you thought you knew this room. It was quiet, but not dead quiet. You kept looking around you in silence, until a voice startled you.

"Good morning, miss."

"Who's there?!" You immediately jumped out of the bed you'd been on.

"Please do not be alarmed. My name is FRIDAY, an Artificial Intelligence created by my boss, Anthony Stark."

Hearing this, you scoffed. FRIDAY? Anthony Stark? Okay, this was either a dream or someone was pulling prank on you. "Yeah, right. And I fell from the sky to SHIELD's Helicarrier, saved by Captain America, and was treated by Dr. Bruce Banner in Stark Tower. Or is it Avengers Tower?" You said sarcastically.

You got to admit; you loved Marvel. Even if you were pretty sure Endgame also ended your life as you knew it and you couldn't accept a lot of things that happened in that movie. Like Steve leaving Bucky for Peggy, who he knew already had a fulfilling life and children? Nonsense. Far From Home was also quite heartbreaking, seeing your favorite character, Peter Parker, going through a lot like that. You just re-watched it a few days ago and had a good cry about it. Or was it weeks ago? Or hours ago? Wait, why were your memories foggy? You couldn't remember what happened before you woke up in the room.

"Are you okay?"

It took a moment for you to regain your composure. "Yeah, I'm fine. So, care to explain what happened? You can't be the real FRIDAY. As much as how I wanted you to be, FRIDAY only exist in Marvel Universe. Where is this? How did I end up here? What happened? Who are you and what do you want?"

"One moment."

You raised an eyebrow. Now she intended to make you wait? Whoever that guy who pretended to be FRIDAY was, her voice could seriously pass as Kerry Condon's.

A sound of door sliding open made you turned around. And God did you not regret doing it.

"OH MY GOD. ROBERT DOWNEY JR?!"

"Who?" The vertically challenged man, who clearly was Robert Downey Jr. a.k.a Iron Man actor, frowned. Now you didn't care if it was a prank pulled by your friends. You got to meet Downey after all!

"Oh God, are you really?! What did I do to deserve meeting you?!" You started squealing.

"Hey, FRIDAY? Are you sure she's not mentally broken? She hit her head quite hard, didn't she?"

"Yes, boss. I ran full scan of her and right now the amount of dopamine in her brain is increasing- indicating that she's happy. Aside from that, I am 100% sure she is fine."

It was your turn to frown. "What? What scan?"

Downey chuckled and looked at you. "Follow me."

Slightly confused, you followed him.

❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊

"So… Mr. Downey?" You called.

"Who is this Downey that you keep speaking of?"

"You, of course!"

"Well," He lifted an eyebrow as he inched closer to you, "my name is Tony Stark. Feel free to call me Tony, not that name of someone I don't even know about. I've never met someone who don't know about me before."

You had to fight the urge to roll your eyes. "Well, Tony," You emphasized his name, "if you keep insisting on playing the whole Iron Man act, then I will play along."

"Play?" He mumbled, face now confused. But he decided to say nothing as the elevator dinged and you two exited the cramped lift. He led you to a spacious room. On your way, you looked around. Now you knew why it felt familiar. That place was designed close to the Avengers Compound in the movie. Whoever did this prank, they really outdid themselves.

"And here we are!"

"What took you so long, Tony?"

"Brother Anthony! I see that the lady has woken up!"

"Oh, she's awake."

"Hey, Cap! That girl you saved is awake!"

"She is?"

You gaped.

No.

Freaking.

Way.

"Now I'm sure I must be dreaming." You muttered.

"What was it, sunshine?" Downey, you mean Tony, asked with that annoying smile. "So! Let me introduce you to-"

"Chris Hemsworth, Jeremy Renner, Scarlett Johansson, Elizabeth Olsen, Chris Evans, Sebastian Stan, Ty Simpkins and oh my god it's Tom Holland and Tom Hiddleston. Yes, I know their names, thank you very much." You mumbled under your breath. "

"Okay, dear lady who seems to know whoever name that you've mistaken us for, I will correct those names for you." Tony sighed. "Meet Thor and his brother Loki who finally decided to stop being a menace after almost dying in the hand of evil purple ball sack," he gestured to Hemsworth and Hiddleston.

"Those two scary assassins over there are Clint Barton, known as Hawkeye, and Natasha Romanoff, or Black Widow," then he pointed at Renner and Johansson.

"Wanda Maximoff, also known as Scarlett Witch." Olsen hesitantly waved at you.

"Capsicle, Steve Rogers, and practically-his-boyfriend, Bucky Barnes." Evans looked at Tony disapprovingly while Stan nodded politely at you. "Usually they got a third guy, Sam Wilson, with them, but he's currently visiting his family."

"And lastly, my interns, Peter Parker and Harley Keener. Vision and Banner are somewhere in this Compound."

You scoffed again. "This might be the best time to wake up. Okay, wake up!" You close your eyes and started shaking your head. "Wake up!"

"What are you doing?" Renner, or Clint, asked.

"Why can't I wake up?" You mumbled. You slapped yourself, hard. "OW! DAMN, THAT HURTS!" Your eyes widened.

"It… hurts? So this is not a dream?" Blinking a few times, realization dawned on you. "Oh, this must be a prank. Alright, you got me. What the hell happened to me earlier and who organized this prank?"

Tom Holland looked up and raised a hand, "I can answer that!"

"Nope, you just stay there quietly, Underoos. Take it away, Cap." Tony said, followed by Holland pouting.

What a cute guy. Wait, no, focus!

Evans stepped forward, "I believe I can answer that."

He started explaining that when Peter (nope, it's Tom Holland, it's got to be Holland) was running on the tracks outside, he saw something falling out from the sky at a rapid pace. That something turned out to be you, who were unconscious at the time. Alarmed, he caught you (no, that doesn't make sense, IF I was really falling that fast, he shouldn't be able to catch me that easily without any of us injured) and called for help. They brought you inside and got Doctor Helen Cho (again, that must be Claudia Kim or something) to check you and she cleared you out. Apparently Doctor Stephen Strange (seriously, they got Benedict Cumberbatch here too?!) came by earlier to check you as well and deemed you non-dangerous, so they let you stay in one of the rooms in the Compound until you wake up.

"Ha, nice story, Captain. Come on, be serious here for a second!" You shook your head, "The Avengers isn't real, okay? They're just fiction! A made-up story! As much as I would love for them to be real, they only exist in Marvel Universe and thank goodness Sony and Disney kinda made up and let Spider-Man stays in MCU because otherwise I won't know what to do! Besides, there's just no way someone could have super powers like-"

"You're scared," Olsen stated softly, "I understand. But I know you somehow feel comfortable standing here with us. You recognized us as someone that you knew, someone you actually trust. You… You somehow feel at ease and want to believe us, although your mind keeps telling you that you're dreaming and this is a prank by your best friend (f/n). You're not, this is not."

You took a step back. It suddenly seemed dangerous to be in that room and whatever ease you felt (yes, she was right, you did feel comfortable for some reason) left you immediately. "Okay… I don't know how know that, but clearly there must be something wrong here…"

"Something wrong indeed." Hiddleston sighed in his attractive British accent as he, who was supposed to be sitting on the couch beside Hemsworth, walked pass from behind you with a bottle of coke in his hand.

"I-I thought you were there!" You pointed at the couch.

"I was."

"Then how-"

"It's not hard to teleport, mortal."

"What-"

"Are you okay? You look pale." Renner, who you started to believe was the real Clint Barton, walked towards you.

"No! Stay where you are!"

"Miss-"

You slid down and sat on the floor, pounding head in your hands. "This is not real. It can't be. It can't be. It can't be…" You whispered over and over again in between your short breath. Your heart was racing and your whole body started shaking.

"Miss, take a deep breath-"

"SHUT IT!"                                                    

"Boss, the lady seems to be in distress and starting to show symptoms of panic attack."

"Shit. Hey, hey, come on, breathe slowly-"

"I'm sorry, is this the wrong time to come?"

A new voice made you turn around, only to see a weird person with red and green skin wearing a shiny cape coming in, followed by a big green figure.

"V-Vision?" You croaked out.

"Uh, yes. Do I know you?"

And that was the cue for you to pass out.

❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊❊

"You've gotta be kidding me."

"We're not."

"But there's just no way-"

"And there's just no way for you to come from a dimension where it seems so peaceful."

"It's not peaceful! War still happens!"

"Yes, but no outer space threat? Really?"

"It's just a fiction!"

"Well it's not. Look at Loki."

When you regained your consciousness, you were still surrounded by some the Avengers. The real Avengers. It made you accept the fact that it was not, indeed, a dream.

"So, I fell out from the sky," Peter nodded. "and this is the Avengers Compound." He nodded again. "You all have no idea what happened to me since Dr. Strange, Maximoff, Stark, Thor, and even Loki knows nothing." They nodded. "And I can't even remember what happened before it!"

"Hey, we'll found out about it." Vision said reassuringly.

"How do you know that I'm not evil?" You asked.

"He's worthy of Mjölnir, and he can see pass you. He knows." Thor said with a smile.

"Besides Strange said you're fine. Maximoff also doesn't feel any threat coming off from you, and Peter's tingle-" Tony stopped himself, "Uh, I mean, Peter is good at sensing bad people and he's fine."

"Are you sure you can help me regain my memory?" You asked, ignoring the little blunder. You must tell them what you knew later and asked about the timeline. Tony mentioned 'evil grape ball sack' which definitely meant Thanos, but he was alive, along with Natasha and Vision, so there must be something different.

"With all our might."

"How?"

"Well, let's start with you telling us your name."

"It's (y/n), (y/n) (l/n)."

#avengers imagine #avengers x reader #avengers x you #avengers x oc #the avengers #avengers #mcu #marvel cinematic universe #marvel #avengers reader insert #marvel reader insert #marvel imagine #marvel au #tom holland x reader #tom holland imagine #tom holland fluff #avengers fluff #avengers angst #tom holland #peter parker

[stevenbasic]

I’m shrinking. I’m fucking shrinking. 

I couldn’t believe it, I was so confused. How is this happening?? This can’t be happening!! But it was then that I first really realized it...

We had almost made it out of the dressing room. I was just straightening my tie. All the new clothes - hers and mine - were separated out: ones we wanted, ones we didn’t. We’d been doing this for more than an hour and we really needed to get back to the office. My patients were due to begin…

..15 minutes ago!

“Uh, Melissa,” I began, as she was just touching up her lipstick in the dressing room mirror, “we really need to get b-”

“KNOCK KNOCK!” called a woman’s voice, as the curtain which led out to the store was pulled aside. We both turned, and in came a middle-aged woman with a measuring tape draped around her neck and dress on a rack...a white dress…

...a wedding dress. That’s weird, for a department store, right?

“Oh, you’re almost done in here?” the lady said. She was a salesperson from the store, a real chatty one that we’d found ourselves having to avoid earlier as we shopped. “Oh good. I’m just going to leave this here. It’s a dress that a bride didn’t like, she’s returning it after all the alterations...the nerve...” Why she was explaining this to us, I have no idea.

“Oh it’s beautiful!” Melissa answered, reaching out to finger the embroidered fabric, “Why would she..??”

“Oh I don’t know! And I had to do so much to it - I do it all myself, you know, for the store, the sewing, the tailoring! She was such a tall girl…” the woman said, casting a glance up and down Melissa, and pulling a pencil from out behind her ear, “probably about your height.” The woman narrowed her eyes. “Long legs, too. Like you. In fact...” She pulled out a small pad of paper from a pocket.

“Oh my goodness,” Melissa sang, reading the woman’s intentions, “can I try it on?”

“Well sure, sweetie!!” the saleslady said, glancing briefly over my way,“I don’t see a ring yet but are you two going to be-”

“Haha no!” I interjected, slipping my arms back into my sport jacket. I wasn’t sure if the saleslady was hearing me or more intent on the numbers on her pad. “Nothing like that. We just work together. In fact we were just about to head b-”

“Oh, don’t be a poop! Yes, we’re engaged..!” Melissa laughed, slapping my arm, “He’s so funny!”

Wait what?!

“By this time next year we’ll be ‘Dr. and Mrs. J’, hopefully shopping for baby clothes…” Melissa claimed, somehow with a straight face, “I do need to start looking for a dress sometime, right honey?” 

“Melissa I-“

“And it’s every girl’s dream to see herself in a wedding dress. Here - now…” She cocked her head, hands analyzing the dress, the elasticity of the bodice, “...this should fit, right?”

Wait. What is she doing? I thought.

“Well, let’s see-” the saleslady said, eyes finally fully taking in Melissa’s eye-popping curves, the shadow of doubt settling over her face - perhaps worried, now, about the well-being of the dress. Nonetheless, she pulled out a measuring tape and - without a moment’s hesitation - reached it around  Melissa’s generous hips. “Wow, you’re a big girl,” she said, eyeing the number, stretching the tape to the top of her head. 

Melissa kicked off her shoes as the seamstress measured her height. “I’m forty-six in the bust…” she offered, “right, sweetie?” She looked over at me with a twinkle, trying to keep from giggling.

“Uh, yeah,” I answered. I would have flushed red but had run dry of blushes long ago.

”Six feet...and a bit…” the saleslady finally announced, penciling it onto her pad, “You could try the dress - and you could have it for a good deal.”  She hung her tape around her neck again, slipped the pad away. “Don’t you think she’ll look lovely coming down the aisle?”

“Yes, but..no. Well of course yes but like I said,” I stammered, flustered by how little these women were listening to me, “we’re not getting m-”

“Oh, wouldn’t that be nice, sweetie??” Melissa beamed, her eyes meeting mine in mischief, her hands reaching for mine, giving them an excited shake, “That way we’ll have more money for the honeymoon!” In an instant, she’d dropped my hands and grabbed the dress by its hanger.

“Haha Melissa...really, this is silly,” I said, trying to laugh as she headed back to the changing room, scooping up a shoebox on the way, “We’re not-”

She closed the door on us.

“Will you listen to him? What a kidder,” Melissa sang out from behind the shut door as she, apparently, was beginning to change into a wedding dress, “Don’t think you’re getting away from ME mister!” In the transom over the door, I saw her arms reaching up, already stripping off her top, “I’m going to MAKE you marry me!”

Well, she was certainly enjoying herself, teasing me like this, with this charade. I felt so powerless, absolutely unable to stop her. 

“Oh I can tell already,” she was saying, “This is going to look so pretty! At church, dancing at the reception..so many snaps, though! You’re going to need to help me get out of it afterwards....”

As Melissa changed in the stall, to my chagrin describing our hypothetical wedding night, the saleslady - Lorna, by her name tag - turned to me, smiling. I did my best to smile back, barely able to shrug and deciding, for my own sanity, to play along. I was, of course, telling myself I was hoping that this would be over quickly...but then the idea of seeing Melissa in a wedding dress began to weasel itself into my mind.

For the moment, Lorna and I both listened to the sounds coming from the changing room. Little grunts and giggles of effort from Melissa, the groans of stretching fabric. With each little ‘oof’ I couldn’t help but picture her squeezing herself into the bodice. “Oh I really hope I don’t pop this dress!” we heard her laugh, “If I don’t stop putting on weight you won’t be able to carry me across the threshold!”

As we waited, Lorna spoke up. “I could measure you for your tuxedo right now, hun,” she offered,  already on me with the measuring tape, measuring my arm, shoulder-to-wrist, “We have some nice ones to rent but of course you’d want to buy. About how tall are you?” 

This is not even a battle worth fighting, I thought, despondently helpless to the whims of both these women. “uh...5’11”?” I answered, even as Lorna had me swiftly measured head-to-toe.

“You’re 5’8”, hun,” she replied plainly. 

“Gah! What?” I blurted, “No. That can't be right.  Do that again.”

A mistake, of course, I immediately thought, as the seamstress raised her brows and set back to task. I’ve always been 5’11”...or, well, maybe 5’10 ¾”...But then, memories of little things I’d noticed over the past couple weeks - how my pants had been fitting, the car seat - all rushed back at once, made my vision begin to swim. It was like I’d known something already...but just hadn’t adm-

“Yep, 5’8”,” Lorna confirmed, standing next to me. She was not a tall woman, and looked up at me with bugged eyes through thick bifocals. I knew it made no sense, that she must be wrong, that I’d have to check this myself once I got a minute back at the office - but something inside me was already dark with dread.

“It’s very popular these days, I hear,”  Lorna continued, as a windstorm of confused thoughts began to whirl through my brain, “Couples like you.”

”Couples like what?” I snapped, maybe too harshly as I stood there trying to make sense of this. Had I really shrunk three inches?? And...is she trying to make me feel better?? “And...we’re not a cou-”

”Couples where the girl is taller, hun,” Lorna pressed on, “Lots of women are looking for shorter men, they say. It’s very fashionable. You’ve seen it, right? My daughter was telling me th-”

The door to the changing room opened. 

Holy shit.

Stopping us both in our tracks, Melissa stepped out in a wedding dress that looked - wow. Off-the-shoulder, lacey sleeves, a slinky silhouette. A classic look that was not too different than what my wife wore at our wedding seven years ago - but Sheryl certainly never looked like THIS. The dress accentuated every one of Melissa’s dramatic curves and-

I grimaced as I realized that I had just spent several flabbergasted seconds openly ogling her while she just stood there, looking down...way down...on me. 

“5’8”, huh?” she asked, stepping right up to me with a funny smile

“Oh you look lovely!!” Lorna gushed, “And my goodness with those shoes on so tall..!” She took a step back, to really take Melissa in. “Magnificent, really…”

“Thank youuuuu…” Melissa purred, placing a hand firmly on my shoulder. I looked up at her, and felt smaller than ever. “Maybe we should elope, honey? Next week on vacation?” she teased, “Do the wedding on the beach?”

The imagery was just too much...

“Wouldn’t that be so fun?”

“I think we’d have to take it in at the waist,” Lorna continued, half to herself, stepping up to Melissa’s side to pinch and tug at the fabric with a critical eye, “Let it out here...and there…” She took another step back, nodding in open admiration. “And hon I have to say you look just adorable, standing there next to her,” Lorna crowed, “If you two weren’t a couple I’d get you together with my daughter.”

“Oh no,” Melissa laughed, turning for the moment towards Lorna and inadvertently pressing her large left breast into my upper back, as her strong arm went around my thin shoulders, “Hands off he’s mine!”

Lorna chuckled. “I guess the good ones are always taken, hm?”

“yeah…” Melissa mused, a funny smile on her face and a twinkle in her eyes as she turned back to me, possessively straightening my collar, “isn’t that the truth…”

=========================

Had a lot of help from my crew on this one, but especially Alex-GTS-Artist who was kind enough to donate his services and get us a look at Melissssy in a wedding dress. So awesome, thank you! Check out his DeviantArt and support him if you can!

https://www.deviantart.com/alex-gts-artist

#Growing Into the Job #Alex-GTS-Artist

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #409

“when everything is wrong, we move along”

Are you a good kisser? I mean there's no way for me to actually know, but I guess history suggests I'm not bad. What question do you hate being asked the most? "What does your tattoo mean?" I'm so self-conscious of my "strange" interests that I can't stand that question and I get SO awkward. I know, I know, "Then why did you even get it?" Reason being it makes me happy and I don't want my fears to win anyway. What do you think the hardest part of surviving is? Just that very thing: surviving. Getting through rough patches with your sanity and good health intact. Do you own any clothes you wouldn’t wear in front of your mother? No. Do you honestly hate anyone? Sometimes I think I still hate the girl Jason dated after me. It's entirely unjustified, and even knowing they're not together anymore (at least, to my knowledge), thinking of her just... makes me angry and jealous and just generally uncomfortable. I also sincerely hate someone who violated my best friend. What song did you hear last? I'm listening to a slowed down mash-up of "Circus" by Britney Spears and "Poker Face" by Lady Gaga. It's actually p dope man. Have you ever walked in on your friends having sex? YIKES no. Where do you find you take most of your naps? I nap in my bed. Do you like sleeping just wearing your underwear and a top? No. I had to do that once and I was SO uncomfortable. Are you named after a parent or grandparent? No. Who was the last person to ask you out? Girt. Do you have nice legs? No. Has a boyfriend’s brother ever hit on you? No. Do you have a nice butt? That's an even bigger "no." I have like, no ass lmao. What do you have a massive attraction towards? Some short Korean dude that is the literal avatar of "chaotic good" lmao. Have you ever made a sex tape? NOOOOOOO and I never will. How do you feel about your weight right now? I am immensely unhappy and just seriously depressed by it. Have your parents ever told you that you’re a disappointment? Oh my god, no. I would die. I feel like they think that, but they've never said or acted so. Do graveyards thrill or terrify you? They give me a feeling of peace, and I find them humbling as a tiny, mortal being that's only here for a flicker in time. They remind me to try and make use of that spark. What song’s your current favorite? I've really been digging "SAVIOR" by SWARM as of recently. Do you miss any of your exes? Yes. Did you ever take pottery class in high school? They didn't offer a course for specifically pottery; it was just included in Art. I made one or two things. Have you ever felt yourself fainting? A few times. Who’s the last boy to make you cry? Guess. His memory, anyway. Did he know that he made you cry? I honestly wonder what he'd think if he knew all these years later, I still have times where I cry over him. When’s the last time you felt like a total asshole? I don't really know. Has anyone ever threatened you? Yes. Would you ever own a rat? I've owned quite a lot. I LOVE rats, and a part of me wants another pair, but I'm just not a great owner of pets that require so much cleaning. Would you or do you ever spank your kids? NO. I will ALWAYS say this regarding this subject: you do not teach your children through fear, nor do you instill in them, deliberately or not, that it is okay to hit people when they upset you. Have you ever considered being a cop? Nope. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve ever kept a goldfish alive? Not long. Fish husbandry is more complicated than people make you think, so your ordinary fishbowl situation isn't going to work long. Have your parents ever questioned your virginity? My mother has. Dad has never said anything regarding this subject, thank god. That would be uncomfortable as shit. Have you ever spent over $100.00 on an article of clothing? What was it? Fuck no. Honestly, have you ever mooned or flashed somebody? No. Have you stayed up past 3 in the morning this week? Actually, yes. I pulled the first all-nighter in eons a few days back. What was on the last sandwich you had? Ham, cheese, and mustard. Do you own a trenchcoat? Bitch I wish. Name the hardiest piece of technology you own? Christ, my iPod that I've had since middle school. Seriously, a 4th gen. iPod Nano is still running, and I use it HEAVILY. I have no fucking clue how it's still alive. Tell me the last thing you searched on the internet? A definition just to make sure I was using it correctly. Are you currently in a smoking environment? Nooooo. Ma would never allow someone to smoke in here, and I honestly wouldn't either. Have you ever owned a tire swing? No. Have you ever taken care of a drunk friend? No. How about a hungover friend? No. What’s your opinion on people who go hunting for sport? You gross me out. (: Do you know anyone who can fluently speak more than two languages? No. Have you ever gone in a sauna? NOOOOOOOOOOOO. I would hate that SO much. What animal have you always wanted as a pet but couldn’t have? ALWAYS wanted? Probably a ferret. I don't actually want one now, but the idea is still nice to imagine. They're such characters. Is there any TV show that ended that you wish hadn’t? Ugggghhhh, Deadman Wonderland. It ended on SUCH a cliffhanger. I mean the manga continued, so I could've chosen to read that, but I don't read manga. Have you ever seen your parents drunk and what was your reaction? I saw my dad drunk all the time when I was younger because he was an alcoholic for as long as he lived with us. I knew he was either going to be hilarious or volatile and withdrawn. 50/50 chance. I've seen my mom drunk a couple times, and it was always surprising to me because she drinks very rarely. She's a very social and silly drunk, and it's a rare occasion where she seems happy. What’s your biggest body worry when you wear a bikini? Hunny, you would NOT see me in a bikini. Even if no one else was around, I wouldn't put one on. If you had the chance to redo high school knowing what you know now, how would you redo it? I think I probably wouldn't have dated Jason. Do you or anyone you know have an account on deviantART? I have for many, many years, and have friends that do, too. Do you get your eyebrows waxed? Not anymore. If you draw, what's one thing you always have trouble with? HANDS. Who was the first person you made out with, and where was it? Jason, in his bed. When was the last time someone said you were attractive? WOW, who the fuck even knows. Have you ever had to pretend you were sober, even though you were wasted? How did it turn out? No. Have you ever smoked at school? No. Have you ever thrown up from working out? No. Do you think machines will take over the world? I think it's a possibility. Technology keeps advancing faster and faster that I wouldn't be all that surprised if we design them to such an advanced state that they have some sort of sentience. Is the way you typically behave congruent with your ethnic background? What the ACTUAL fuck is this question. Literally fuck off. Have you ever lived in a brand new house? No. Has the last person you kissed met your father? Yes. What’s your favourite breed of dog? I have a strong bias for beagles. As far as visual appeal of breeds goes, I REALLY couldn't tell ya. There are so many beautiful dogs. Do you think more about the past, present or future? I'm pretty obsessed with the past. Do you swear in front of your parents? Dad, freely. Around Mom, I try not to say "fuck" or "goddamn" because she really doesn't like those. I still say some words, though. It's just pure habit. What’s something that’s bothering you? I've just been having envy problems lately, and it's not an emotion I'm used to or enjoy whatsoever. Have you ever been asked out by someone you didn’t want to date? Yeah. Did any particular thing brighten up your day today? Not really. Do you know who your latest ex is dating? Nobody. What are your plans for the weekend? My sister Katie and her husband are coming to visit, and we're probably driving up to a lake that Ash and her little family stay at all the time so Katie can meet the kids. But with that storm coming through, it's questionable if we'll actually go, because it's an hour drive. When were you last in a car? Earlier today to go to the TMS office. I officially start my tapering sessions, so I won't be going every day now. Have you cried today at all? No. Have you ever gone out in public in your pajamas? That is noooot rare, honestly. Depends on where I'm going. Have you ever had bronchitis? Nope. Think back to the last person you kissed, how many times have you cried in front of them? Twice, I wanna say? What do you want right this second? To actually have motivation to draw a picture I have planned. If you were offered to smoke some weed right now would you accept? No. If I weren't so opposed to smoking because of the lung damage I honestly would, though. I'm curious how it would affect my anxiety. Can you control your dreams if you realize you are dreaming? No. When was the last time you cried really hard? I'm really not sure. Do you think you can last for an hour without talking? Very, very easily. I probably do that on a daily basis. Do you know anyone else with your name? Yes, but spelled differently.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''move along'' by the all-american rejects

[azritesx3]

Devil Caretaker - Lucifer & F!Reader

Request: Anon: Can you make a one shot with Lucifer being the readers boyfriend's and she's been locked in her house for days, she barely moves from the couch, hasn't eaten in a while and Lucifer comes to check on her, she not really responsive and he kinda has to make her eat and gives her a bath (Not anything sexual he's just taking care of her) because she just refuses to get up, and after all that he just holds her while she cries. And just fluff towards the end.

AN: This is dedicated to all those who suffer anxiety/depression, I'm with you. Some days are grey, but it picks up again. Keep on truckin'! I'm always here! AN: Updated August 23rd, 2020 - Grammar. Reupload!

Description: You have it all: dream job as a successful book writer, the best close-knit friends a girl could ask for, and a God damned [literally] beautiful boyfriend. So, why did your depression keep insisting on being a prick?

Rating: Teen Warnings: Depression, Anxiety, Swearing

AO3 / Fanfic Net / Wattpad / DeviantArt

--------------------------------------------

"Shit."

You lay on your back, staring up at the ceiling. You stare angrily, hoping that would make those dark slithery threads reseed back into the dark corners of your mind.

But of course, it didn't work.

"Why?" You question your ceiling. Your face is turning sad now.

You force yourself out of bed and drag yourself to your bathroom. You throw off your t-shirt and shorts and turn the shower faucet to blasting hot. You step inside and drown yourself in the heat. Your body screams.

Good. Make this feeling go away.

As you wash yourself you think about the amazing night you had.

Lucifer picked you up from your first book signing and took you to LUX, where he planned a surprise celebration party for you. Chloe, Ella, Dan, Linda, Maze, and even your publisher and editor were there to celebrate with you. Since it was such a small group LUX was still open to the public, but your party started before the club opened.

You remembered the feeling of pure joy at seeing your friends all together for you. You remembered the feeling of love you felt for Lucifer for thinking about you so much. You were so happy with your mini family that you didn't even think about the other guests in the building.

But now you were, and try as you might to focus on that love of the night, the hate outgrew it.

Numerous times throughout the night you'd catch hateful glares thrown your way. It was something you were used to whenever you'd hang out with Lucifer during LUX hours.

This time however, you couldn't stop thinking about them.

About the group of girls who gossiped about you. How they can't believe someone like Lucifer would ever be in a relationship with a writer. A nerd.

About the group of men who disapproved of your style, your look. They can't believe a guy like Lucifer would ever sleep with such a "safe" looking woman. How he could be attracted to your non-model body.

About the men and women who blatantly try and try to cut in between you and Lucifer dancing together. How they'd always try to scoot closer and closer to him while you two sat together.

About how Lucifer clearly rejected one girl from trying to sit on him. During then you were filled with pride with how strong your relationship was.

But these dark threads were now pulling up the thought you kept hidden. The thought of how you swore you saw Lucifer look the girl up and down as she swayed away.

You know he didn't, at least not on purpose. It's a natural thing to stare at something attractive to the eye. Hell, you even stared at her.

You know this.

But those fucking dark threads were starting to change what you saw.

You smack your head on the tiled wall. You shut off the water and throw your robe on, not even bothering to dry your body or comb your hair.

You stomp to the kitchen and throw open the cabinets. You grab the first cereal box you see and pour yourself a bowl. You swallow it down quickly, knowing that once the threads take hold it'll be the only thing you eat.

You wash the bowl and walk over to your writing desk. You open up a new word doc and hover your fingers over the keys, hoping something will come to you soon in a last attempt to beat this.

It didn't work.

Your arms fall to your sides. You lean back against your chair and throw your head back. Eyes shut tight, allowing the darkness to take over.

Day 1

--------------------------------------------

Day 3

You lay in bed. Your blinds and curtains are over the window to keep the space dark. You wake in and out of sleep, getting up only to use the bathroom and drink some water. The rest of the time you lay there staring at the clock, waiting to fall back to sleep.

You check your phone every now and then. Giving normal replies to people so no one would suspect anything.

It took you the longest to reply to Lucifer. The darkness grows stronger as you're filled with self-hatred for lying to him.

But you do it anyways. Giving him the same normal replies with an added emoji here and there.

You hoped he wouldn't suspect anything.

--------------------------------------------

Day 5

Lucifer is sitting in Ella's lab and just staring at his phone. He doesn't pay attention to whatever crime details Ella and Chloe are discussing. He's too focused on why you haven't been answering your phone.

Unbeknownst to him, the first time you heard your phone ring your anxiety spiked to max and you threw your phone across the room.

"Lucifer?" He looks up to see Chloe and Ella looking at him with concern.

“Have either one of you heard from y/n recently?” he asks. The two women share a look and shake their heads.

“This happens sometimes, Lucifer.” Chloe says.

“What happens?”

“Depression.” Ella sighs, “Swear that stuff is the real Devil.” Lucifer gives her a look.

“She’ll be ok, Lucifer.” Chloe draws his attention back on her, “Just give her some time. She usually comes out of it on her own.”

“But how much time? I haven’t seen or heard her voice in five days already!”

“I usually give her about two weeks before I charge in, but,” Chloe stands before him and puts a hand on his shoulder. She squeezes lightly and gives him a smile, “she has you now. You decide when to charge in and save her.”

--------------------------------------------

Day 7

You sit on your couch and numbly flick through channels on the TV. You settle for some old black and white show and throw the remote on the coffee table. You curl up into your blanket and just stare at the screen, watching yet not.

Someone knocks on your door and that stirs you alive for a moment, before you settle back into the indent you made in your couch.

I've got no lights on, it's dark. They'll leave when they realize no one is home.

Because in fact, no one is home.

The knocking continues for another minute before it's silent. You take in a breath of relief.

But then the door knob starts to turn.

You hear a familiar whistle, "Dark in here isn't it? Darling, where are you?" You cover yourself more in the covers after hearing your love's voice.

No, please. Not now. You can't see me like this.

He follows the only light source to the living room. He walks into the space and sees the back of your head illuminated by the light from the tv.

"Hmm, terribly gloom in here, darling. That can't be helping." He walks over to your windows, "This should help!" He pulls apart the curtains and opens the blinds to bring in the early afternoon sunlight.

You hiss disapprovingly and hid under the blanket fully. Lucifer has to hold in a laugh at your reaction.

"See? Isn't that better?" You feel the weight of the couch dip next to you indicating he has sat down. You scoot away from him the best you can all wrapped up.

"Come now, love. I haven't seen your face in days!" He goes to unwrap the blanket on top of your head, but your throat makes more sounds of disapproval and you lean away from his touch.

Lucifer wasn't haven't any of it, and there was no way you could fight the strength of the Devil. He unwraps you till your top half is exposed.

You refuse to look him in the eye. You didn't want to see the disgust that just had to be on his face. You haven't washed yourself in days, and knew that your body odor was strong and your hair was all greasy.

But still, Lucifer takes your chin lightly in his fingers to turn your head to him. You take a quick peek at his eyes and your own go wide.

There's no disgust at all, and he's smiling, "There's my beautiful girlfriend."

You still don't give him any kind of response. Your eyes are still wide, but are filling with tears as he runs a palm softly down your face and pushes the oily hair out of your eyes.

He kisses your forehead, "I'm going to make something for you to eat, darling. Here," he takes the remote and flips it to a more modern show, "this will be much more entertaining."

He leaves you alone. The dark threads hold your hands down to stop you from reaching for him. Just seeing him helped you see that small break in the darkness.

Well, he is the Lightbringer.

You turn back to the tv and wipe the wetness from your eyes. These threads weren't ready to let you go so easily. Lucifer realizes this himself when he brings you a sandwich for you and you don't touch it.

He doesn't give up. He cuts the sandwich into tiny cubes and holds one cube at a time to your lips. The shine in his eyes makes you start to tear up again, but it also makes you open your mouth. Little by little, the sandwich is gone and the crack in the darkness grows.

"Good job, love." Lucifer's smile is warm and bright. He gives you another kiss on the forehead then takes the plate to the kitchen to wash it. You then watch him disappear into your bedroom. You can hear water start to run and your heart jumps.

He comes around the corner a few minutes later wearing nothing but one of his fancy silk robes that he left here. He comes over and turns off the tv before looking down at you.

"Ready for a spa treatment, love?" You don't answer, but it seems like he didn't expect an answer. He asks with his hands if he can pick you up, and his smile beams when you remove the blanket from your body and hold your arms up. He picks you up bridal style and walks to the bathroom.

You see he has a bubble bath ready when he drops you to your feet. He helps you undress and get inside the tub. He then removes his robe and sits behind you.

You're worried at first, but when he starts pouring water on your head and scrubs shampoo on your scalp you realize he really is just taking care of you.

Damn it. The waterfall of tears was getting harder to hold back.

You two are in the tub for a good thirty minutes before Lucifer is satisfied. He gets out first then helps you out. He removes the plug in the tub, and you listen to the water running down the pipe as he dries you. He helps you into your robe and sits you down on the toilet. He quickly dries himself and puts on his robe before coming to you with a comb.

It takes a long time for him to get all the knots out, but he never complains. Never comments on it. He just smiles and hums a tune you recognize as one of your favorites as he combs.

Once your hair feels like normal he picks you up, once again bridal style, and lays you on the bed. He walks to the other side and lays down next to you.

You can't take it anymore, "Why?" You croak it out so quietly you think he didn't hear you.

But he's Lucifer, of course he heard, "Why what, darling?"

"Just…" but it's getting harder and harder to speak over the lump in your throat.

Lucifer notices. He lifts your chin up so your eyes can meet, "Darling, I'm here for you whenever and for whatever.  Don't ever feel like you have to go through this feeling alone, or that I would somehow be turned off by it." He gives you a feather light kiss and smiles to you:

"You are my love, my light. No matter the darkness that surrounds you, know that I'll be here for you as your Devil caretaker." He winks at the last part and you can't hold it anymore.

You pull him tight to you. Resting your head under his chin you let the waterfall of tears out. He holds you tight and runs one hand through your hair while the other goes up and down your back.

--------------------------------------------

The next morning you wake up in the same position.

You pull slightly back to look at Lucifer's sleeping face.

You smile and kiss him awake.

My Lightbringer.

#lucifer #Lucifer Morningstar #lucifer x reader #lucifer netflix #lucifer morningstar x reader #reader #freader #femreader #chloe decker #ella lopez #fanfic #fanfiction #azritesx3

[totalhellisland]

I am beyond angry, this god damn NoCo fanfiction has ruined my day and it is only 7:20 AM. Cody is such a fucking bastard man, he says he fucking loves Noah with all his heart, but previous knowledge points to the fact he doesn’t. I read most of the installation before this one (”Valentine Countdown”), and Cody didn’t seem nearly as hateable in that one as he does in this. Cody in this is borderline unlikeable, when he was enjoyable and cute in the previous one.

A Summary so this makes sense and the rant, idk, I’ve gone insane:

 Anyways, Cody says he loves Noah but it’s said multiple times that Cody never returned Noah’s calls or emails when they were together between the Celebrity Manhunt special and “Valentine Countdown”. Noah, understandably, upset about this and ends it with Cody (or Cody ends it with him? the fanfiction backtracks sometimes). Then World Tour comes around, Cody is trying to regain Noah’s love/affections and Alejandro is ruining those attempts left and right; because he too loves/has genuine affections for Noah. Alejandro, though he meddes with the NoCo times, shows he’s guilty because of what he’s done (case in point when he inadvertently makes Noah cry because he convinced him Cody was on a date with Sierra during the Paris episode). I’m not saying that Alejandro was right in his slippery eel bullshit, but he certainly is better than Cody is in this toward the end of the book. Alejandro comforts Noah after making him cry and makes the others of his team leave Noah alone after the challenge (mostly to his own benefit, but Noah did not want to talk atm either). Just, it’s obvious that Alejandro actually cares about Noah, he tries to get Noah’s attention and when he finally gets it, yeet here comes Cody waltzing in going, “Oh Noah I love you so *goes to smooch city*”. Cody does make attempts to get back with Noah, but he still doesn’t take into account that he’s the one who should have tried harder the first time around. Noah straight up tells him this, he considers it then, but he still calls his fuckups and the consequences they created a “misunderstanding” (chapter 11 pt 1).

Take some more responsibility for not pulling your fucking weight in the relationship, oval boy. Noah tried to stay with him before WT and Celebrity Manhunt, but Cody refused to respond to his messages or calls. If Cody really cared as much as he says did, he would have at least called back, which he admits he never did. Like bruh, Noah literally loves him to the point he says he can’t love anyone else and that he will always love Cody. Cody single-handedly ruined his own chances with Noah, but, inadvertently, Alejandro’s and Noah’s chance at love. Then, Cody has the audacity to say that it’s a “misunderstanding” that he was going to “put to rest” and that this time he will “make sure Noah listened.” The last time this bitch tried to explain something, he fucked up so bad that Noah thought Cody was talking about their time in Paris and not the “date” Sierra and Cody had.

I cannot with this shit; even if I didn’t ship AleNoah, Alejandro is still the better, more genuine choice for Noah! I understand that Noah has been through a lot in this fanfiction, but I’m sure Alejandro would understand if Noah wanted to wait until after the show to decide and shit. But NO! This fic must fit the NOCO AGENDA, wherein Cody and Noah always end up together even if it’s not good for them. Obviously, the fanfiction was destined to end in NoCo, but why did Cody have to be so unlikeable to me? I liked him in the other fics, he’s a simp, sure, but he’s a genuine simp. In this, it just feels like he’s clinging onto the last thing that “makes” him happy. Cody seems want to be with Noah more for the factor of nostalgia than anything else, he misses the good times they had together and not Noah as a whole. (I am realizing I might have read in a bit too much to this 2015 NoCo fanfiction.)

I should stop before I get too far into this narc rant of mine. Don’t go attack the author. If you do and I find out, you will be blocked. I do not support such actions. I am complaining, yes, but it’s about the context of the story and not the author themselves, please do leave them be.

On a general note, I like NoCo and AleNoah, but this ff Cody rubbed me the wrong way. I genuinely dislike him. He’s an oval-headed bitch who doesn’t deserve my guy Noah’s attention.

why am I like this please help, i just went on a six paragraph rant from 7:20 AM to 8:11 AM

Send help, I have possibly gone insane from Coronatime.

- Noah needs help and should stop reading old fanfiction after staying up since yesterday

Update 8:30 AM: I probably should have finished the fanfiction before going on a narc rage. Anyways, Alejandro was definitely gonna push Noah out of the fucking plane before Noah apologized for stringing him along and playing with his heart unintentionally. Still, bruh, Alejandro what the fuck. 

Update 8:41 AM: I straight up forgot about the seduction shit Alejandro pulled near the beginning of the story. Ngl, that shit was fucked up. So, the real mvps here are Izzy, Owen, Tyler, Gwen, Ezekiel, and DJ. They have been helpful and good friends to Cody and Noah.

Update 8:50 AM: ZEKE FUCKING DIED. HE SACRIFICED HIS LIFE TO SAVE NOAH FROM GETTING SUCKED OUT OF THE CARGO HOLD. ALEJANDRO IS BIG SUCC AND CODY KISSED NOAH AFTER THEIR MUTUAL FRIEND POSSIBLY DIED. I FUCKING HATE EVERY MAJOR PLAYER IN THIS FANFICTION. THE ABSOLUTE FUCKERY AND TOMFOOLERY THIS SHOWS, I AM TIRED, FLABBERGASTED, AND, FOR ONCE IN MY TD FAN CAREER, I WISH ZEKE WOULD HAVE STAYED AROUND. (I refuse to read the final chapter after this, I did. I’m done. I can’t.) 

#NOAH #noah td #fanfiction #fanfiction writers #angry at fanfiction #help #i am in need of assistance #alejandro td #td alejandro #cody td #td cody #total drama #total drama fanfiction #angry rant

[lalahbug]

My One and Only - Levi x Reader

Fandom: Attack on Titan Word Count: 1,057

My Masterlist

Warnings/disclaim: general Soulmate AU, also modern AU This soulmate AU is:  You stop aging at a certain age until you meet your soulmate and grow old together. In my thing of this. You’ll know it’s your soulmate because after you meet and touch. You’ll get a hot flash.

Author’s Note: Originally posted on DeviantArt, under the same username, on 02/26/2017. Revamped/edited in 2020.

___ is a blank for your name/oc/whatever you prefer Written in 1st Person, Levi’s POV

Line/header is to separate paragraphs to indicate time skips, as Tumblr hates my formatting.

Story under cut

          “I’ve been alive for almost a century. I don’t think I’ll ever find my soulmate,” I mumbled bitterly while taking a sip of my tea. My long term friend Erwin, who I had only met 20 years ago, recently found his soulmate, he was asking me to be his best man.

          “It could be, your soulmate died somehow before meeting you, now you have to wait until they reincarnate.”

          “They better fucking hurry up.”

          “Have you ever thought about why we stop aging at only 25?”

          “Not really. I don’t think about my soulmate anymore. I stopped about 50 years ago.”

          “I bet no one believes that you’re so old and so short.”

          I gave Erwin one of my deadliest of glares. “Not my fucking fault you’re a fucking giant. At least my eyebrows are normal.”

          “Okay, okay,” he gave a hearty chuckle. “So what’s your answer?”

          I glanced at him then to my tea. “Sure, why not? I’ll be your shitty best man.”

          These dress rehearsals were going to be the death of me. They dragged on for so fucking long. The dumbass giggling bridesmaids didn’t help either. One only seemed composed, I thanked her in my mind.

          “Hey, would you like a water?” The quiet girl of the pack of hyenas offered me a bottle.

          “Sure, thanks.” I was careful not to touch her. I didn’t need the small heartache I knew I would face when I felt nothing from touching her.

          “Sure thing. See you tomorrow and at the wedding, I have to leave early today, bye!” She gave me a cute smile and wave before going over to Catherine, giving her a goodbye hug.

          I watched her exit as I opened my bottle of water.

          “I now, pronounce you husband and wife,” the priest declared. “You may now kiss the bride.”

          Catherine leaped into Erwin’s arms and kissed him deeply, a small applause sounded at their kiss. I clicked my tongue before looking away.

          God this is so sappy, I need a drink, where’s the bar?

          I wandered around until I found where I could drown my annoyance in booze. Good thing I couldn't get drunk. Because I would be drinking in the corner alone for as long as possible.

          “Hey, Shorty,” Erwin’s new wife bubbled next to me.

          “What do you want?”

          “I want to thank you for coming. It means a lot to Erwin to have his best friend here.” I clicked my tongue in response. “Also I have a really sweet girl I want you to meet.”

          “What’s the fucking point?”

          “Well, she’s a close friend to me. So you’re bound to see her again, might as well get to know her now. Especially while you’re all cleaned up, make a good impression.”

          “Why the fuck should I care about impressing anyone?”

          “Come on!” Catherine dragged me over to the main table, where Erwin was still seated.

          I noticed the girl Catherine was talking about. She was one of the bride maids, the beautiful one who handed me a bottle of water before, but I won’t waste my time on anyone but my soulmate, if I ever find them.

          “___!” Catherine called out, who then looked away from the other girl she was talking to and giving a soft wave to me and the shit-head dragging me. “This is Levi!” she pushed me over to ___, which made me growl a bit.

          “Don’t fucking push me.”

          “Well grumpy-gills, this is ___ she’ll be turning 25 in a few months.”

          “Hello, it’s nice to meet you, ya know formally,” she stuck out her hand, offering to handshake. I used to dread these, always waiting for that hot flash, but it never happened. I stared at her hand. She raised an eyebrow at me, keeping her hand extended. It was tradition to shake hands with everyone, to find your soulmate faster.

          “Hey, nice to meet you brat.” I gripped her hand, for a quick handshake.

          The fire that coursed throughout me, said otherwise. I could feel my breathing pick up, my heart thundering in my chest. I pulled her from her seat to face me, she was exactly my height, a small mental note I took before I pulled her into a tight hug.

          “You have no idea how long I’ve been looking for you, you shitty brat,” I whispered, as she clung onto the back of my suit. I almost didn’t notice the silence around us, I didn’t really care. I did, however, want this to be more private than how public it was right now.

          “Levi, I take it, you’ve found her finally?” Erwin smiled at us clinging to each other while wrapping an arm around Catherine.

          I nodded slightly before pulling back from ___. She gave me a soft smile.

          “So I guess this means we’re dating now?”

          “No.” her brow knitted together, she was confused, some hurt was creepy onto her soft features as well.

          “W-why not? We’re soulmates aren’t we?” I sighed and grabbed her hand, pulling her away from everyone, no one needed to be around for this. Everyone else seemed really confused too. I’ve been waiting for over 7 decades, they wouldn’t understand. But my soulmate, ___, she would.

          “Look,” I started holding her hands tightly. “I’ve been alone for almost a century, expecting your fucking ass for way too long. You’re lucky I am in good health and no one wanted to kill me. Or else you'd have to face the same fate as me.”

          “What does this have to do with you refusing to date me? That should be even more of a reason to be together like we’re meant to!”

          “It’s not enough!” I snapped a bit at her ridicule. “It’s not enough, we’re getting married, very soon. We’re engaged, it’s the only way you can make this up to me." ___ started giggling, I would have found this cute if I didn't just tell her something so serious. “What the fuck are you laughing at, you shit?” I growled at her.

          Her giggles soon stopped and felt her lips press gingerly against mine which seemed entirely too short. “I’d be happy to marry my one and only.” I pressed my forehead to hers, my heart raced as I now pictured the life I had given up on long ago, I smiled.

#attack on titan #aot #aot fic #levi x reader #levi/reader #levi ackerman #levi fic #fanfic #fanficition #lalahbug #soulmate au #lalah writes #reader insert #xreader #self insert