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neon-vocalist · 9 months

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things i used to do that hurt my headmates: a non-all-inclusive list, vecause i think it is important to acknowledge when we as hosts do things wrong, but also that mistakes are a part of learning you’re plural and everyone makes them.

1. joke that i didn’t want them there / give them a poor reception. my immediate reaction to “hi, i’m here” used to be “no the fuck you’re not.” they’d say “hi!” and i’d say “no.” especially if they were fictives. they’d give me their name, and i’d go “ohhhh, nooooo, i refuse to believe it,” and it was funny to me and to my friends, but it ended up severely impacting the way they felt around me.

2. see them for their jobs. for a long time, my headmates were more like co workers. i would say things to them that kind of just boiled them down to what they did, from “why are you here? we don’t need protecting” to “i don’t get why so-and-so split, they don’t do anything for me.” now i make an effort to see them for who they are, not what they do for me.

3. lock up our persecutors. i know many systems who’ve done this and many systems who say they will if they need to. i have been in spaces where people advertise “alter jail” and things like that, or give tips on how to create one. while our version of isolating our persecutor was putting him in a tupperware container and not a jail cell, it’s still imprisonment and i don’t think i need to explain why this one is harmful.

4. shit talk them behind their backs. i guess i still kind of do this. i panic and i take the side of whoever’s gossiping about them, and i usually end up saying things about them i would never actually believe. i need to get better at standing up for them.

5. give everyone info on them and their dirty laundry. i used to use my headmates as conversation points. “oh we split someone new btw, they’re x and y and do z,” or “oh, did i tell you about the drama with a and b?” when really the drama is none of my or my friend’s business, and they end up feeling betrayed that i’d tell someone about them like that.

6. act like i was The Valid One. i acted like i got to make the decisions, like everyone revolves around me, and that it was truly MY system— i would order them around, make them do shit i didn’t want to do, and hold myself higher than them. it was me and my alters, and i always got priority.

7. force them to speak. i would make them introduce themselves to everyone we talked to and put introductions in our journal and private server. it didn’t matter if they didn’t want to be known, to me it was essential that all our friends had all the information. even at the expense of my headmates’ comfort.

i don’t do this stuff anymore, and i know it’s fucked up. there’s also things i’ve seen other hosts do that are harmful, and i do my best to call them on it (gently, of course). but i think it’s important to acknowledge that we fuck up and we’ve moved on instead of pretending it never happened and we were always perfect.

#system host #osddid #actually did #actually plural #system things #plurality

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multiplicity-positivity · 7 months

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Helping Persecutors and Violent Headmates (While Protecting Your System)!

Hello! This post will mostly contain information that we’ve repeated in past responses to asks. We wanted to have a post separate from ask responses with tips, resources, and advice on helping violent headmates while protecting yourself and your system. So here we are! In a question-answer format because that seems to work well for us.

This post got ridiculously long! In order to spare those who aren’t interested in this post, we are putting it under a cut.

Disclaimer: we are just one system, speaking from our own past experiences and what we’ve learned through our own research and therapy. This post shouldn’t be the end-all-be-all for learning how to deal with difficult headmates. Every system is different, so what’s worked for us may not work for you. If you or your system is in danger, please contact a therapist, mental health professional, or your local crisis response unit.

Trigger Warning: This post mentions trauma, abuse, suicide, homicide, involuntary isolation or “jailing” headmates, and other potentially triggering topics!

What is a persecutor?

A persecutor is a system member who regularly causes intentional harm to themself, their system’s body, or their headmates. A headmate who causes harm occasionally isn’t necessarily a system persecutor. You can learn more about persecutors through Pluralpedia (<- link).

Why is my headmate angry, mean, spiteful, or violent all the time?

There could be many reasons why a headmate is regularly hateful or violent. Some common reasons might be:

- They are traumatized and are either acting out past traumas, processing their trauma in unhealthy ways by taking out their negative emotions on others, or formed to fill the role of a past abuser.

- They have unmet needs which cause them to often feel angry, upset, and unfulfilled. They may have trouble understanding their needs or effectively communicating their needs to the rest of their system.

- They never learned how to properly regulate their emotions, process painful memories, and respond to their emotions in healthy ways. Emotional regulation is a skill that must be practiced - people don’t just automatically know how to regulate their emotions when first encountering them.

And more. Every headmate is different, so there may be some unique reason why your system has a headmate who regularly incites violence, causes drama and internal strife, and otherwise lashes out at the rest of their system.

How can I help my angry, mean, or hateful headmates?

There’s lots of things you can do to help your headmate! Try to choose things that sound helpful for your specific situation. Some options for things you can do to help your headmate are:

Talk to them!

Try asking your headmate if there’s anything they want to talk about. Let them know what kind of effect their actions have had on the rest of your system. There’s a lot of questions you might ask that might help you and your headmate find common ground. Here are some examples (text copied from previous response):

- What does treating the rest of us unkindly achieve for you?

- Sometimes people act harsh or mean because they’re afraid. Is there something that’s scaring you?

- What are your needs? Do you feel like they’re not being met?

- Why don’t you want to work together so the whole system can feel safe? Is there something hindering you in our system? Can we work together to figure something out that works for everyone?

- Sometimes it’s necessary to do things you don’t want to do if it will help the system and benefit us all. Is there anything you would be willing to try and do differently?

When having these conversations with your headmate, please try to be gentle and to approach them from a place of kindness. Acting accusatory or growing heated may cause them to get defensive, so it’s important to try and handle these conversations in a calm state of mind, if possible. Your headmate might be unwilling to have a conversation with you initially, but with time and diligence, maybe they’ll come around!

Provide an outlet!

If a headmate is dealing with lots of painful emotions and doesn’t have a proper way to vent or express themself, they may end up taking their emotions out on other members of their system. So having a notebook, journal, sketchbook, blog, or digital space that’s just for them could be immensely healing and beneficial! This outlet should belong solely to this headmate and no one else - it’s important for the rest of your system to respect your headmate’s right to privacy. If they feel like they have an outlet for their emotions that’s truly their own, it might help them feel less inclined to lash out at other system members.

You can also help them release energy in nonviolent ways by getting a stress ball or punching bag, finding some sort of physical activity that they might enjoy, or helping them create a playlist of energetic or cathartic music to listen to. Get creative and collaborate with your system to figure out what outlets will work best for your headmate!

Encourage them to come to therapy!

If your system is in therapy, it would be a great idea to gently encourage this headmate to attend a session in the future. You can talk to them about what therapy is like beforehand, and ask your therapist for advice on how best to connect with this headmate. Maybe you could ask your headmate to write a letter to your therapist, or to write down a list of questions for your therapist, if that might be easier for them than actually showing up to a session! Your headmate might be unwilling to participate or try and connect with your therapist, but it’s worth a shot to at least offer them the opportunity to do so, and to remind them that they can change their mind and come to therapy at any time.

Help them feel loved and included!

It would probably be a great idea to go out of your way to make sure your headmate can see that their system loves them and wants to take care of them, regardless of their behavior! It may be hard for your whole system to get on the same page here, but even if just one or two headmates can commit to showing your violent headmate they care, it’s possible to make a difference! You can try and accomplish this by:

- Trying to include this headmate in internal discussions and conversations/asking their opinion before doing things that will affect the body or the whole system

- Paying attention to what this headmate likes and getting them small gifts occasionally

- Letting this headmate know when you see something positive that made you think of them

- Compliment them! Tell them you love them! Remind them that they are a cherished member of your system just the way they are!

Teach your whole system grounding techniques and emotional regulation!

Even if this headmate has no interest in learning new things or having positive interactions with the rest of your system, if the rest of y’all commit to learning grounding techniques and picking up emotional regulation skills, some of that information may rub off on this headmate. If your system is in therapy, it would be a great idea to ask your therapist about developing coping techniques for grounding and emotional regulation. We can also recommend the DBT Skills Workbook (<- Amazon link), which has been very helpful for our own system!

How can I protect myself and my system when my headmate is acting dangerous?

Acting nice and showing compassion won’t always be enough to protect yourself and your system. While your headmate may have good intentions, be reacting due to trauma or overwhelming emotions, or may not understand the full extent of how their actions affect others, that doesn’t mean you have to let them treat you and your system poorly! When your headmate is lashing out at you or someone else in your system, here are some things you can do to protect yourself.

- Communicate with your headmate and let them know how their actions are affecting your system. They may genuinely be unaware of the impact their actions are having on your system. They may have trouble recognizing others’ feelings or empathizing. So having some conversations with them about their actions may be useful!

- Set boundaries and enforce them. The goal is never to control headmates, cut off their agency, or make them feel powerless, no matter how much harm they cause! Doing this can usually cause resentment to build, and can make things more challenging for your system in the long run. We’ll include some articles here, here, and here on setting boundaries and how to enforce them in healthy ways. We’d encourage you to take a look if your system is struggling with setting and enforcing boundaries! The articles linked are for setting boundaries with other people (children, friends, etc.) but much of the advice listed can be beneficial for systems, too!

- Limit access to potentially harmful items. Harm reduction is always the goal here! So if you need to limit your system’s access to potentially harmful or dangerous items (ie, sharp objects, prescription medications, firearms, etc.), we’d encourage you to do that. This way, even if your headmate has the intention to cause physical harm, their efforts may be thwarted due to having limited access to dangerous items. Your system may need to learn how to work around not using these items, or ensure that only one headmate has the ability to access these items when needed.

- Set up a safety plan. Have a conversation with your system to try and figure out warning signs, potential negative triggers, and how to center and ensure your system’s safety in various situations. At what point should you ask someone outside for help? At what point should you have an intervention inside where multiple members voice their concerns with your headmate? At what point should you reach out to a crisis center or go to the emergency room? Every system is different, so talk to your headmates and work together to establish a safety plan that works best for y’all - and don’t be afraid to put your plan into action when the time comes!

In all this, please let your violent headmate know that you need to center your whole system’s safety and well-being. While they may not like some of the decisions your system makes, it’s so important to make sure that your physical safety is not compromised!

When should my system lock up or “jail” my headmate?

Personally, we feel like locking up or “jailing” a headmate functions as an attempt to control a headmate, forcibly taking away their agency and ultimately causing pain and resentment to build up inside. We will NEVER advocate for isolating a particular headmate, and believe that there are always other, better options to utilize instead of potentially traumatizing your headmate by cutting them off from the world and their system.

However, every system is different. If your system has exhausted all other options, use your own discretion when it comes to purposefully isolating violent headmates. Understand though that we will never promote this method, and we truly do feel like it may end up causing more harm than good to the affected headmate and the rest of your system.

What should I do if my headmate threatens serious harm, to take our life, or take the life of someone we know?

Seek outside help. This absolutely is the time to put your safety plan into action and also reach out to someone outside your system for help. This can be a therapist, a trusted friend or loved one, or even a suicide prevention lifeline. We do not recommend dialing 911 or contacting the police, as police are generally known to escalate overwhelming situations and put vulnerable people directly in harm’s way.

It should not be just on you to protect your system or loved ones from a headmate that actively intends to cause long lasting harm to your body or to someone else. Please, if your headmate is making violent, suicidal, or homicidal threats, don’t delay and don’t try to handle this on your own. Get help soon!

We are always available to help find a local crisis stabilization hotline, regardless of your country. So if you’re having trouble figuring out who to call, reach out via DMs and we can help!

Wrapping Up

We know this post got very long, but it’s still not an exhaustive guide on everything you can do to help yourself and your headmates when dealing with angry, hateful, or violent system members. Remember, not everything we’ve said here will be useful for every system! So take what works best for you and create your own plan for helping and connecting with your troubled headmates.

We hope something here will be useful to some of y’all! We’re sorry about the lengthy nature of this post, but if you’ve made it this far, thank you so much for reading! We’re wishing y’all the very best, and hope that soon you can make some progress towards positive change with the persecutors and angry, hateful, or violent headmates in your system. Please try to take care of each other to the best of your abilities, and have a wonderful day!

#persecutor #system persecutor #violence #trauma #suicide #homicide #abuse #long post #system communication

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cdd-system-terms · 2 months

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Imprisoner

[pt: imprisoner. end pt]

requested by no one

An imprisoner is a type of persecutor that may believe themselves to be a protector. They choose to isolate and imprison those they deem dangerous to the system, potentially with the intent of punishing them or in an attempt to keep order within the system. Imprisoners may even go so far as to force other alters into dormancy.

recoined from pluralpedia

#— mod gore #— recoins #— coins #anti endo #did system #endos dni #traumagenic system #actually traumagenic #term coining #system terms #complex dissociative disorder #did flag #osdd flag #system flags #alter flags #role flags #alter roles #system roles

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cl0ckworkqueerness · 4 months

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trans people, by our very nature, are "sexual".

there is nothing we do that is not claimed to be for sexual gratification. we cannot seek pleasure, or happiness, or relief, even of a sexual variety, without being claimed as a predator, or perverted.

we cannot exist without being accused of existing for a fetish. and that fetish is being ourselves.

trans people, by our very nature, are "violent".

we are sick, cruel people, and we are always doing and saying terrible things to the poor cis people who accidentally happened to wander into the wrong conversation topic, or who were just trying to defend themselves.

we are always the persecutors. we are always the executioners. every word we say could be spun as a threat, and even when they can't, our poor little victims can still blindfold themselves and pretend like we're acting out in violence, in a case completely uniquely horrible to them.

these are the areas in which transmisogyny thrives.

it's not exclusive to transmisogyny, of course, but that is what it feeds the most. transmisogyny is fear. fear of danger that isn't really there. fear and disgust.

to my fellow fighters for trans men, with whom i always stand, i ask you please to stand by the trans women on this site as well, especially now but always. transphobia is always present, and is especially present in tumblr staff, and what's going on right now is undeniably transmisogynistic.

i have also seen posts about how "transandrophobia truthers" are adding to this sitewide transmisogyny. this is not true, at least not in a broad, all-encompassing sense. anyone who truly cares about all trans people, as i do in my fight to bring transandrophobia to light, should care about this right now. if they don't, they never cared about us to begin with, either.

focus on the sick fucks who decided it was okay to hide deep transmisogyny behind both a corporate veil and a thin mask of innocent victimhood.

tell everyone affected that you're there for them. do not let tumblr staff get away with sweeping this under the rug, as they'll eventually try to do. be angry. to all the trans women, trans men, all trans people, all cis people, all people who care about the liberation from gendered discrimination, sex discrimination, gender roles, and anti-trans hostility of all kinds: we need to fight this, now. together.

how can we explicitly fight it? i don't know. but at the very least, if nothing else, then please offer your hand in solidarity, in support. being targeted by a site's staff can make one feel very alone, very isolated; if that's what the perpetrators want, we can't let them have it.

#transgender #transmisogyny #transphobia #tumblr staff #trans #gender

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wanderlust-sys · 8 months

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idk if this is still an issue in the community but im still mad abt the way persecutors have been/are treated. how do you expect them to heal if you dont treat them well?

like obviously dont be a pushover to them if theyre actively causing harm, hold them accountable for their actions like you would anyone else yknow but also like. just treat them with respect cause theyre hurting too. they deserve kindness

we made that mistake before when we were first learning, just completely isolating and shunning them and it did a lot more harm than good. baffles me that people actively think its okay to treat them like garbage when the results of that make things worse

persecutors are not evil, not all of them are constantly actively harming the system, not all of them are these big bad edgy people, literally one of ours is a 12 year old girl that babysits all the littles. not to say persecutors cant be those things obviously, but theres so many stereotypes surrounding persecutors that create a heavy stigma towards them and robs them of the healing, love, and respect that they need and deserve

idk how to end this ramble anyway love your persecutors and treat them with respect theyre traumatized too

#did #dissociative identity disorder #traumagenic #endos dni #actuallytraumagenic #persecutor #vent

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x-neurotoxin-x · 7 months

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oooh can i see your system dabi hcs?

I've got a number of these. I think I've made hcs posts about this before but I can't find them to link, so, I'll just make another

He's poly-fragmented, for sure. His entire life has been thrown from one traumatic event to another with zero support system or positive coping mechanisms, so he probably splits very easily and has a high alter count.

I also usually go with the hc that he has very high amnesia walls, so a lot of his life he doesn't remember very well or his memory is very warped.

Alters having differing views on things like beliefs, his trauma, abuse, revenge plans. So a lotta inner conflict.

A lotta childhood trauma, so probably a lot of littles

Stand by my hc that Touya (the Touya during the reveal) is a child alter, especially because of the dancing, excitement, some of his word choices, all very childish/young sounding. So i really think Touya himself is a little, but he's also probably a trauma holder, and programmed, so he's screwed up himself

(Ramoca trigger warnings for these next few bullet points) I usually go with the idea that he's a programmed system, so a lot of his alters are more "harmful than helpful" to his system as a whole because, unlike non-programmed systems, his system wasn't formed to benefit him, it was formed for the benefit of others. So, like, he has a lot of Ips, number alters, nameless, dehumanized/non human alters, and alters with programmed responses.

I usually hc it's mostly beta (sexual) programming since i usually couple it with the hcs that Enji sexually abused him and that he was trafficked in childhood by his parents as well as Afo's facility stuff. A lotta that is, like, accepting and even purposely seeking out sexual abuse from others, being desensitized to sexual violence, running on an "autopilot" during sexual situations, having consent issues and such. This is a blink and you could miss it hc in several fics I have, but I know Flicker i went more in depth with it.

Innerworld is very sectioned off, lots of isolated alters and restricted areas, as well as a lot of alters that are mostly internal (don't front a whole lot.)

I could see him having factives, especially factives of people who had an impact on him (his Father, for example)

Usually couple the DiD hc with depersonalization disorder too, and having a disconnect to his body/not seeing it as his.

Definitely think the "Dabi" alter was split sort of as a protector alter but developed persecutor traits, especially just based on how Touya acts as Dabi, he's very guarded and such but also pretty self-destructive.

A lot of alters split while on the street to help him get by/survive. Could def see Dabi developing as an alter while he was homeless, and probably hosting during that time.

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brandonaguja · 2 months

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may I hear you speak about your ii oj alters hc?

I’m sorry it’s been 40 days and I’m only now getting to this !

Orange Soda (bro/he/any): I hc him to be the host before OJ, he was kinda like a frat bro but similar to oj in his interests in science and being a nerd. He just had sunglasses while doing it so he was cool. Crash and burned in college and ended up going dormant with OJ switching in as host and eventually dropping out 👍 will front again after years of OJ running the hotel and will be the catalyst for OJ finding he’s a system. Lol. He also really really reaaaally wanted to be a drag king but OJ took host before he could persue it. Does make it so OJ is already interested in drag.

Cherry Juice (they/them): angry alter. Can’t talk unless someone is in front with them but even think it becomes very difficult for the body to speak. Handles all the anger and kinda keeps it all from exploding on other people hence them being unable to speak. When in front or near front OJ will become frustrated very easily though and isolate since Cherry doesn’t really like others anyways. Has the same grudges OJ does and more intense. Isn’t a caretaker but spends time with Apple Juice bc she’s sweet. Would get along with Evil Paper.

Blood Orange (he/vamp): funniest fucking alter in there. He’s a vampire and split to deal with the insomnia in the body. He split on Halloween and it’s never been the same since at night time because if OJ keeps pushing through exhaustion Blood Orange fronts. Work gets done. Sometimes.

Apple Juice (she/her): she’s a little! She age slides from around 4-7. She’s a very smart kid and she’s a memory holder. She’s so full of whimsy and loves to learn things. OJ’s natural curiosity :) fronts when OJ is really stressed and age regresses. Doesn’t hold grudges like OJ does.

Pineapple Juice (no prns or any): was co-hosting with OJ right before OJ dropped out of college and was/is a persecutor. Is based off Steve Cobs (ugh) and basically just Really wanted them to succeed in life. To a fault. Was on that grind set and would belittle OJ and themself so is partially the reason that OJ didn’t keep any friendships that Orange Soda had. Kinda became a fragment/fused with OJ after OJ dropped out. But still stuck around enough to tell him he’s a failure for dropping out and going no where in life until OJ entered II. So OJ’s unhealthy work life balance is influenced by PJ 👍YAYY! PJ has mellowed out now though. She’s a caretaker to Apple Juice and is only nice to Apple Juice and no one else but that’s Something. Better than nothing.

Pink Lemonade (she/her): she handles a lot of the romantic feelings OJ has and most crushes OJ has does stem from her initially. Once she starts separating with OJ their feelings both separate so she’s able to have feelings and crushes on her own. She also indulges in femininity in ways that OJ is too scared to do outside of drag and probably very much enjoys drag and was an influencer for OJ getting back into it, tho as a queen instead of a king like Orange Soda wanted. Doesn’t do drag herself tho just likes influencing OJ to indulge in femininity like she does. Also she’s a lesbian 💖

#me talks #ii #inanimate insanity #oj ii #ii oj #juice system #ask #yayyyyy I like them

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acorpsecalledcorva · 4 months

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While I do definitely wholly agree that no perspective or technique is universally useful and helpful for everyone, I definitely think there is value in being open to the perspectives and techniques that we've dismissed in a limited and specific way when we struggle.

For instance, I use parts language and view the system, including myself as a part as all being part of a collective singular me. It's why I tend not to use we/us a lot. I, and the other mes take ownership of all actions taken by petty much everyone in the system because this creates a sense of cohesion and continuality that allow us to function. It reduces daily amnesia because we're not constantly trying to distance ourselves from each other and generally reduces friction around decisions trusting that they're made with the system in mind rather than personally for each part. HOWEVER, I've always hated myself. I have incredibly negative opinions about who I am and punish myself a lot for just being me or not being a better version of me. Any mistakes I make are treated with severe prejudice and I don't accept nice things because I feel like I don't deserve them.

I would never treat anyone else like that though, I wouldn't think these things about a friend. And so for these issues it IS useful to view my parts as completely separate people, to think of them as friends or colleagues or family, because I can show them the compassion I cannot show myself. If an alter fucks up or does something harmful I can remember that they come from a history of pain and isolation, I can understand their actions and forgive them, think about what they might need from me to heal and help them move on because I truly believe that everyone is deserving of rehabilitation.

Sometimes though, I have to reverse engineer this situation. Often an issue with persecutors is that they feel rejected, their actions and behaviours were once a helpful coping mechanism but when our lives changed and we moved on it became less and less appropriate to do those things. They get stuck doing the only thing they know how to do and become increasingly frustrated that it's no longer working or being appreciated by the system. They're hostile to everyone else because they've been treated with hostility and aren't open to reconciliation because by that time it's like "oh what? Now you want to talk? Fuck you". To write them off is to confirm what they think about themselves. That they're bad and evil and so what's the point in getting better because they don't deserve compassion or acceptance from the system. Sound familiar?

So what do I do? Well, from my distanced perspective I then have to approach it with curiosity. Why might I behave this way? What scenario might lead me to do these things? What environment might convince me that this is a necessary thing to do? Can I find empathy with this position or similarities? Could that be a point of connection through which to make a connection? To show that I truly understand what they're going through and genuinely want to help?

Or even, am I subconsciously a willing participant in this dynamic? I hate myself, right? Do I think I deserve these things to do be done to me? At one point in time is this behaviour what I thought showing love was? Is this what it meant to be cared for to me back then? Does this situation feel safer to me in a way because pain and suffering is the devil I know?

In Existential Kink, Carolyn Elliott believes that we create painful scenarios for ourselves because our brains desire a more complete human experience, the good with the bad, and the more we conciously reject and resent the bad the more we desire it and create badness for ourselves. It is only by accepting this desire and gratifying ourselves by enjoying it and being grateful for the terrible things that happen that we can move on and seek out the good. Which is...definitely one of the takes of all time. I definitely take issues with the implications of victim blaming that are prevalent throughout her book, but there is insight to be drawn for sure. And in fact, the number one recommended approach to a persecutor is gratitude. To thank them for doing what they do, to show them that they're appreciated for their role and what they're trying to do, because from that position it may very well be more possible to provide constructive criticism. You have to mean it though, because by living in your head they can usually tell your true feelings.

And I completely understand why that might feel impossible to do when you feel like what they do is unforgivable, but there's a very important lesson that everyone needs to learn if they want to grow. And that's that sometimes it is up to us to take responsibility for a situation, even when we really shouldn't have to, even when it so completely isn't our fault or fair in the slightest. If what a persecutor needs to feel to change their behaviour is gratitude and acceptance, to feel that they really are a vital part of the system just like everyone else, and by providing this for them we can make things better for ourselves and the rest of the system, to create a net positive effect on all regards, then... shouldn't we? Not because of some moral duty to do the right thing or be the better person, but simply because things would be better?

Like, if there's a $1000 dollars on a table that's free for you to take, if you don't take it then no one will get it, it's only there for you to take or not with no judgement or consequences either way even if you feel like there will be, would you really not take it? And if not, then why? Do you think it's a trick? Do you think that you don't deserve it? You see how these all loop around and connect to each other?

This post is long and confusing because these situations are complicated and don't have any simple answers. All I'm trying to highlight and urge everyone to do is to never stop being curious. Always ask yourself questions, always approach something from a different angle. Especially when you come across obstacles that feel impossible. If anything that I've said feels completely wrong to you, rather than dismissing it as not being applicable to you ask yourself why you feel like it doesn't? If your persecutor is actually irredeemable and evil but mine are not, what makes you different than me? Is it easier for you to think that because then you don't have to put in the work? Does it make you feel special to have a kind of persecutor someone else doesn't? If what I'm saying right now offends you, is there a possibility, however small you think it may be, that deep down it might be true?

No, I don't think you can say for certain that every persecutor is a misguided protector, but what if the one you've decided definitely isn't actually is? What if you're wrong about them? What if you can fix it and make things better? Shouldn't you try? Why not?

#syscourse #system community #sysblr #actually did #did system #actually traumatised #persecutor

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kazanfamily · 2 months

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System Introduction

Hello, we're the Kazan World! We're an adaptive neurogenic system with a varying member count. Welcome to our blog! Our vision when starting this is to have a place to infodump about our system lore, and trust me, it goes deep.

To start, though, here's a simple introduction to who we are! We joined the plural community in November 29, 2020, though we've been a system for much longer. We'll go more in depth about our system origins at a later post. We're bodily 19, born in Brazil, transmasc, and collectively autistic with a special interest in geography.

We only include non-dormant members into our numbers count, though it typically varies somewhere between 15-50 active members. At the time of writing this post, our count is 18. We're introject-heavy and have members from various sources, mainly from anime. However, there are two groups you'll see most often: the host's family and our Hetalia introjects.

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Host's family

(also sometimes known as Kazan Family)

Niko - (they/them): We call them the host, but our definition isn't the typical one. They're a personification of our collective identity/singletsona, and also serve as a leadership figure in our system. The rest of the family sorta branched out from that initial identity (though we don't consider ourselves median), and now are the younger siblings of the host.

Nile - (she/they): Niko's twin and a former persecutor. She formed in mid 2019 at a time when our body had depression, and regularly acted out against the system since then. They took some time in isolation and only formally rejoined our system at the start of this year.

Angel - (fluid pronouns): Caretaker and former protector. It followed a similar story as the above, though in different ways. Angel and Nile used to see each other as enemies, but now they've become much closer.

Migi - (she/they): Originated as a concept of right brain. She emerged in February 2020 along with Hidari, and has always been one of the most regularly active headmates. They used to be an emotion holder.

Hidari - (any pronouns): Emerged in February 2020 along with Migi, as the equivalent concept of left brain. She finds pleasure in performing tasks, following orders and helping the system with organization.

Mica - (they/them): Memorygenic, the youngest of the family, and a big fan of Undertale.

Isav - (he/him): Memorygenic and a former host. He helped kickstart our special interest back in April 2021, and became the host for a sidesystem that eventually overtook the main system. Also very homosexual.

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Hetalia Introjects

Introjects from the anime Hetalia. They're personifications of countries and have exomemories based on the manga plus real historical events. We'd love to meet more people who know the source to be friends with, but please avoid questions relating to heavy events unless we willingly bring it up first. We have loads of introjects from the source, but here are a few who front most often:

Alfred/America - (he/him)

Arthur/England - (he/him)

Japan - (he/him)

China - (any pronouns)

Veneziano - (he/him)

Romano - (he/him)

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And that's it, it's nice to meet you all! Don't be shy to ask questions about our system, we love answering them ^^ Until next time 👋

#plurality #plural system #endo friendly #endo safe #pro endogenic #system intro #actually plural #neurogenic system #adaptive system

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mamabearwonders · 7 months

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I truly cannot stand when DID systems call folks within their system "persecutors". I've gotten blocked by sooo many systems over the years for treating their "persecutors" like actual people with feelings and thoughts and knew how to help them because I listened. It wasn't their choice to make.

A persecutor is a derogatory word for a scapegoat to treat like garbage, prevent them from venting and isolate them from their outside world friends then wonder why that person would lash out and not wanna talk to anyone within the system. It's like a prison. You can't even rescue them because it's a shared body.

You can defend the word. But it's always been rooted in harm. It doesn't matter how positively you may use it, it's horrible to call someone that.

One teenager I looked out for in a system many years ago, folks outside the system (his systemmates were lovely) always had trouble talking with him and they asked me how I did it. Because I treat him like a person, I refuse to call him a persecutor and whenever he was having a bad night related to trauma instead of yelling and screaming and isolating him like other systems I knew, I sat with him. And I just listened or comforted him.

It's almost like if you treat folks like human beings, you're compassionate about C-PTSD and understand not all scars heal with time, but need to be tended to with gentleness, the person can flourish, heal and grow or at least feel loved if they're not ready for those steps yet.

Art Credit 🎨 ~ The Two of Us in the Universe by Ben Heine

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multiplicity-positivity · 2 months

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advice-ask/vent. I genuinely just want to know what to do from here on out, because I'm honestly lost and a little scared.

There are a few alters in the system that our gatekeeper alter keeps hidden from me. As far as I know, I'm the only alter that gets this treatment. So I tried talking to the alters by myself. I wrote notes on the fridge, created secret Discord servers, etc. I just wanted to talk to them. Almost nobody in the system ever talks to me.

It's foggy for me, but apparently it worked and I did end up communicating with one of our alters. Somehow I scared him? So much so that our protector alter came out of dormancy to help calm the system. I don't really remember any of this (I think I remember being happy to finally have someone to talk to), I just know our gatekeeper alter fucking hates me, and I messed everything up. Our little alter told me she thinks I'm our persecutor alter.

I didn't mean to do anything bad. If she had told me that talking to alters before they're ready to communicate would mess up the system, I never would have. I just wanted someone to talk to.

yipes, our response got long! so it’s under a cut :)

hey, we’re sorry to hear that you’re struggling with this tough situation. due to your use of the term “alter,” we’re assuming you are part of a system with a complex dissociative disorder. we also have a cdd, so we’ll use our knowledge of these disorders and our own system to hopefully provide some useful insight for you.

our system gatekeeper also works hard to keep certain alters and parts separate from each other. when our host was first learning about the system, he pretty much could only get in touch with me and a couple other parts, and even then our communication was sparse and easily forgotten. in our system, this was done in order to keep our host from learning too much too fast as a means of protection. even now, after 3 years of working together building connections, there are certain parts who aren’t able to access each other. without more treatment and healing progress, this is how our system functions.

our host was the only part initially who was kept isolated from the rest of the system. this is because he fronts the most, and handles most of our day-to-day life. him learning too much about how our system functions before he was ready could have caused some serious repercussions. our mental health has never been great, and our gatekeeper keeping him separated from the rest of the system initially honestly kept him from having a breakdown or spiraling out of control.

it’s to our understanding that lots of cdd systems function this way. healing, recovery, and getting to know alters and parts… these are difficult, lengthy, and often overwhelming processes. it’s quite common for one alter to keep other alters separate or isolated as a means of protection and system-preservation. dissociative barriers can also exacerbate this, or make it even more difficult for alters to be in touch.

for gatekeepers, it can probably be extremely difficult making decisions regarding which alters should interact, what information should be kept hidden, and how quickly to divulge inside information to front-facing alters. your gatekeeper might also be struggling with this, and might prefer to keep you isolated from other alters as a way to play things safe. maybe having some sincere, open conversations with your gatekeeper could help you gain some insight as to how and why they (or she? not sure if that pronoun refers to your gatekeeper or your little) manage your system in the way that they do.

honestly, more than anything, therapy could probably help you and your whole system here. a therapist can help mediate between alters and help you all come to a better understanding about each other and your history. we know that not everyone is able to access therapy, but we truly couldn’t recommend it enough. having an outside perspective and someone outside your system who you can talk freely to really could make a positive difference.

we’re sorry this got so long… and please don’t think that we’re attempting to make excuses for your alters. rather, we are trying to explain what we feel might be going on. trust, communication, and positive bonds/connections do take time, patience, and effort to obtain. and we sincerely hope that you and your alters will be able to achieve this in the future.

good luck to you and your whole system with making progress and reaching mutual understandings in the future!

#system communication #system conflict #dissociative barriers #system gatekeeper

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windchimesystem · 1 year

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It's tricky being a system when in relationship with another person, especially when triggered and a persecutor/protector comes out.

Even though the person didn't inherently do something wrong, the situation can bring our system back to a time when malicious behaviours in similar situations meant we needed to defend and protect.

Unfortunately this can cause our old, unhealthy reactions to spring forth and hurt people we care about. It also sabotages the relationship and pushes the other away, leaving us with an empty and lonely feeling.

Guilt and regret reign, and the disappointment in ourselves cuts deeply. We often feel unworthy of comfort or forgiveness when it happens....the others in us desperately ask what we could do to make it better.

Yet being told "to just stop doing it" and "stop justifying your behaviour" even when the person/people in us feel like they were justified in the reaction leaves us feeling at a loss for what to do, and more guilt pours in.

We wish the traumatized parts in us could trust freely without doubting the goodness of others constantly. We wish that we could consistently do the right thing, considering the time we spent in therapy trying to practice "using the tools" or "saying the right words".

Alas, it's not always possible, and we feel ourselves closing up inside, wanting to isolate from the goodness available to us, feeling unworthy of forgiveness.

And the hurt person in the relationship often feels attacked...and g*d help us if that person also holds trauma....then their old coping mechanisms jump forward in them too, triggering them and forcing a wedge to push us all apart from each other, especially if the attacked person has an avoidant attachment style.

If the relationship is a stronger one that has learned to come back to each other after separating for a time to let the wound heal a bit, this can be a learning experience.

Yet, it doesn't stop the anxiety of the persecutor/protector who attacked spontaneously to the situation. They continue to simmer with the fear of abandonment, especially if they're anxiously attached.

Know that this is another life challenge, and that we see you and know the pain. Sending love and goodness to anyone feeling lost or hurt this day.

#dissociative identity disorder #protector #persecutor #system #syscourse #self care #living with did

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systemheadcanons · 19 days

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Mafuyu from Project Sekai is a system

"Hi so I headcanon Mafuyu Asahina from Project Sekai as a system (as well as having autism, alexithymia, and NPD), and I have thought about this a lot so this will be specific, I apologize if too specific.

They're a c-did/polyfrag system (mayhaps projection), probably a holder heavy system (trauma, memory, symptom & emotion holders), and a chronotive heavy system (chronotive being an introject of the collective at different points in their life) with chronotives from childhood ofc but also from different N25 events (esp the Mafuyu focus ones) - for example there's an Imprisoned Marionette chronotive, an Immiscible Discord chronotive, and a Saying Goodbye to my Persona chronotive. I think there's also some that are introjects of her personas, like Yuki (who is a helper & trying to get the system to heal), OWN (self isolating persecutor), and her school/home personas (maskers). Also there's 100% a mermaid introject (or a whole aquatic based subsystem). Also the current host (not the original one, original Mafuyu probably went dormant during childhood) has no clue they're a system, they're probably super covert but alters are starting to unmask around Kanade and Miku

anyway expect more hcs from us at some point in the future because the moment we relate to a character a little too much we make a bunch of usually system headcanons for them." (Submitted by @fools-task-force)

#system headcanon #system #system headcanons #plural headcanons #mafuyu asahina #project sekai #proseka #prsk #pjsk #long post #alter role headcanon #request

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alostlittleriverlotus · 1 month

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Little note: semiverbal/semispeaking and also have disorganized speech. difficult for us to communicate. also being a system and I specifically being a shell alter means I experience different feelings/beliefs around things from other alters so...if we are kinda wishy washy/not perfectly stated then uh that's why. It's very difficult and confusing for us.

Rant about our experiences with psychs and mental health professionals and feelings around our those experiences.

going into the office to meet with the psych and dealing with being outside the expectation of what they thought I'd be like when depressed is weird. And a lot of the questions asked about what we experience mentally was very confusing for our mind. it's just...weird. The more we think about that appointment and the more we realize how it still kinda hurt us, shut us down. Some of our aggressive abusive persecutor alters are especially upset at just being labelled intrusive thoughts. But it's just another reminder that ultimately, no one truly examines you. Since we've been diagnosed with GAD, all of our symptoms have been lumped in under that by multiple professionals. Told that our anxiety is purely biological based with no trauma causing it at all.

We have been told by our mother that people will not expect that you will be anything outside of normal (her words) unless you tell them. It's why we've wanted a diagnosis for so long. So we can have people believe the reasons why we act the way we act. But we are unsure where we want to go with professional help.

also most of the wording for trauma was based around being life threatening situations and witnessing abuse. but I was never in a truly life threatening situation and I didn't witness abuse, I WAS abused. So once again, the fact we've been abused goes completely ignored and we just lied about having an average relationship with our mom.

I can't remember a lot of the appointment cause of our system. Which is fine. But just what I can remember rubs me the wrong way. My mom always acts confused when we say something is good, but then change our minds. But it's hard for us to know in the moment. We are malleable and agree with most things which also leads to us avoiding many things since it CAN risk harm for us. Being paranoid and avoidant helps us stay safe because our system isn't the safest. So we often agree with and seem happy at "getting help" only to process it later when alone and feel really unsatisfied with what happened. She expected us to be almost stereotypically depressed. We had to lie about our suicidality cause we knew it wouldn't be good. We lied about our risk taking/self destructive behaviours. Cause we know that trying to explain how it is for us will make no sense.

Professionals have always led to us feeling more isolated. Our abuse is hidden, no one believes it except for our friends, no one sees it. They feel an able bodied able minded person that SHOULD be functional. They will assume I am untraumatized. They would rather call us an entitled brat that doesn't care about others than actually examine us. We always went in expecting these experts would help. But they really...don't. The most okay therapist we had did help us with our anxiety. Our shitty previous psych and therapist got us on meds. This psych is managing our meds and has actually fucking explored autism and adhd for us. But for what we really want to seek help for...is entirely forgotten and ignored. And with...with programs that prevent us from being able to open up, that make us defensive and shut down, that work to keep our abuse, our reality hidden...we feel like there's no answer.

Our main goal now is to move in with our wifey and they can help us seek help since they can see things outside of our perspective and also know everything that we cannot remember cause of our system and shut down and silence. But really. We have felt so failed because we believed professionals would actually want to help us, would be able to see what was going on, would know better. But really, they don't. And being disillusioned by this when we believed getting professional help would help us just hurts. Our meds help thankfully, especially with our OCD intrusive thoughts. But for the unwrapping our trauma, yeah. They fail. We are only somewhat good now because of our own hours and years of research and finding communities that get it.

But it's just a reminder that even years later, still we are invisible. We will be overlooked and ignored. I really don't care about such things anymore until I have my wifey by my side since they won't talk over me and won't try to downplay my issues like our mother.

I dunno. Just needed to vent. It's been weeks since our last appointment and we just feel uneasy about it. It's hard going from the belief everything is great because they did the bare fucking minimum to feeling unsatisfied because of the stuff you didn't like and didn't appreciate.

We've been failed by a lotta doctors for physical and mental stuff, but the ones that ignore our trauma and circumstances especially with the rigid yet confusing wording of situations really...really affects us bad. And it feels like a hopeless reminder that no matter what we do, it is exactly what our abuser played off. Our system is meant to be hidden, it is meant to keep us silent, it is meant to be difficult to undo. And the failings of professionals to help even with our "lighter" trauma makes us feel hopeless about ever dealing with our programming and tbmc trauma. We hope we can find a good specialist one day. But fr. Having professionals ignore even what feels like "light" and "obvious" trauma to us (compared to other shit) is what hurts us, but we are also so used to it.

And we shouldn't fucking have to be. The mental health system does nothing for people that sit outside of specific neat little expectations. Even with the meds we have, we didn't start them until we were 18 despite struggling for years. Our shitty therapist literally was shocked we hadn't been on meds if our anxiety was that bad. Yeah, welcome to our life. If everything is "that bad" yet we never get help for it. Online communities and other mentally ill people have done more for us than anything else. Because we got advice from people that had similar situations to us. Reminders and stuff online have done more help for us than most professional shit. When professionals repeatedly made us more suicidal and wanna hurt ourselves and made us feel responsible for our emotions even when we were a fucking MINOR BEING ABUSED.

So yeah. We have our beef. And we just...hope for a better tomorrow.

#vent #venting #vent post #personal vent #actually traumatized #actually narcissistic #actually disabled #personality disorders #system #tbmc survivor #programmed system #madpunk #anti psych #psych critical #we aren't trying to make a stance really just ranting about our experiences and our emotions related to them #as someone that was led to believe that professionals would help #only to be failed time and time again #neurodivergent #neurodivergency

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