#a heart of stone that cant understand or accept other's feelings

[arkiwii]

Diamond shards in the chest

Plants watered by tears

#i was supposed to draw ifrit first before posting it but i got lazy #and my hand starts to hurt from drawing too much >:/ #anyway. i have learned that Nori's rhine lab guys are inspired by elements #and the SYMBOLICS. i love them #a heart of stone that cant understand or accept other's feelings #beautiful plants that can be so easily destroyed if neglected #i cry everyday about them #arknights #stalkiwiart #olivia silence #saria #fanart #art

[demonichikikomori]

it is once again mandatory Ruggie Bucchi Propaganda Hour and today i am here to say i cant imagine how fun it would be to watch ruggie in a magift game!! i love the way he hangs off his broom? his skill and creativity and not to mention physical ability to be able to confidently do nonsense like that midair??? pls showboat for me ruggie bucchi i will give you kisses even if you're all sweaty

Come On!

Ruggie Bucchi x GN!Reader

Word Count Tumblr: 1k+

Art here on Pixiv!

Thank you for this concept because I think he would be so excited to bring you along. He's very acrobatic in the game material. During fights his sprite is seen doing little flips when he casts a spell. He's just too much!!! <3

SUMMARY:

Ruggie invites you to his MagiShift game. Because he wants you to be there.

Tags: Fluff

You looked at the ticket placed in your hands with wide eyes. It was for the upcoming Magical Shift game between Savanaclaw and a dorm from a neighboring school. These tickets were impossible to get unless A) You were on the team. Or B) You had money growing on a tree. Your eyes made it back to the Hyena who handed it to you with a face full of shock. He kicked his foot, appearing shy as he pointed to the ticket with folded ears and a small smile. “I want you to come. Everyone on the team gets a ticket for a plus one. I usually just sell mine but,” He paused as large bluish-grey eyes blinked at you, filled with hope that you would accept his offer. “I now have someone to come see me play.” He gave a small shrug before crossing his arms behind his head. “So, you wanna come?”

You couldn’t help but feel honored. Even though you and Ruggie had become so close, you didn’t expect such a gift from him. In fact, you didn’t expect anything but his time. “So… How much is it?” You asked jokingly and Ruggie frowned, gently punching you in the arm. “Hey, I want you to just come see me. I don’t want you to buy the ticket I’m giving you.” He sighed and you felt your heart begin to flutter in your chest. He’s inviting you because he wants to. Of course you would go as his plus one.

Seeing the tournament from the very stone barrier separating you safely from the field below was exciting enough on it’s own. You were watching with wide eyes as Ruggie bounced onto the field as Leona walked alongside him, Epel in tow. The large round eyes spotted you in the front instantly and you were given a cheerful smile. The hyena waved to you, and you shyly waved back from your seat as you pulled up your camera to grab a candid photo. You caught Ruggie winking at you and your cheeks grew warm. You hoped for something more off guard, but this was just as cute. You weren’t fully understanding of the sport just yet, but you knew what it meant when Ruggie scored a goal and was picked up by another teammate on a broom. You took every chance to capture a photo and cheer for him, screaming along with the crowd with a giant smile on your face. You only watched the hyena running across the field when he would end up flung off of his broom, smacking into the dirt only to scramble back to his feet. How he would take off on his broom hanging on with one skinny, yet strong arm while pointing his pen at other players. At times he would flying upside down as he flung the heavy looking disc in a teammates direction for them to catch it while being chased after opponents twice his size. Seeing him do such dangerous stunts for the game was so shocking, does he always do this?! Every game?! 

You weren’t sure if your heart could take it.

Half time rolled around and Savanaclaw was in the lead. You waved to Ruggie who took the moment to chat with Leona, tugging at his shirt collar as Leona nodded in your direction. And his headed lolled towards you above.

Nothing could have saved you from surprise as he took a running start from the field. He jumped and began climbing the barrier between the stadium and field, planting his feet against the thick stone as he held onto the thick plateau before you. His face was red and sweat beaded at his forehead as he smiled wide. “You saw all my moves right? Wasn’t I cool?” He asked as you nodded in shock that he made his way up the wall just to speak with you. He smelled of grass and sweat, a hint of blood and you could see his nose had been bleeding. Probably from one of his face plants from being knocked off his broom. His bangs were sticking every-which-way from all of the moving and flying he was doing and you were sure there was a bruise forming on his left cheek. He looked… Rough. “Um, Ruggie-”

“Will you come to the next one if we win?” He asked suddenly as he adjusted himself to hang onto the hot stone of the wall. He wiped away the sweat and dirt from his eyes with the back of his arm as he awaited your answer with perked ears. You stared at him with wide eyes, nodding again slowly with your face starting to turn red. “S-Seriously?” His face exploded with excitement as his cheeks appeared even more flushed than from when he was running across the grassy field just moments ago. “You’ll really come if we win?” He asked a second time and you of course, nodded. “I mean, I need a ticket-”

“Done! I’ll see you next week! The games are at the same time!” He gasped as Leona called for him below, watching Ruggie slip as he called back that he was on his way back down. He was biting back his smile as his ears wiggled. “I’ll win, so make sure your schedule stays clear!” He snickered and vanished back over the barrier to get back to the final half of the game. As he trekked across the field, sweaty, yet full of determination… You told yourself that even if Savanaclaw ended in a loss, you would still come back next week. Just to see Ruggie hanging off of his broom, big eyes searching for you in the crowd, searching and listening for your approval with each goal scored. 

You were excited to greet him on the emptying field after the game ended. You brought him a cold water bottle and a warm donut from the concessions stand as he asked to be pet and praised for the win he helped his team earn. You suggested in the meantime before the next game, he could show you some of those broom tricks he did. You didn’t exactly need a ticket to see him during school. And if he was more careful, you wouldn’t have to see him nose dive into the dirt again. It looked too painful.

You weren’t sure if his face was red from the overexertion, or he was flustered knowing you wanted to see him more. Either way, you snapped a picture of the two of you huddled together. You were excited for next weeks game.

#ruggie x mc #twst wonderland #twst #twisted wonderland #ruggie bucchi propaganda #ruggie bucchi #ruggie x y/n #ruggie x yuu #twst ruggie #ruggie fluff #demonic. requests

[phorbb]

I havent been here for a while sorry about that, ive just been doing really well , nothing to really comment on , but tonight i had a slip and all the bottled up shit come out

I dont think ill ever be loved by someone i want , and i dont want to hurt someone that wants me by settling for them.

Im the less pretty bestfriend , the easy to approach to get to the other, a stepping stone to my best friend and I’ve accepted that actually. I cant have the ones i want because they want the next best thing and honestly thats ok if they didnt rip my heart out by making me think we had something going beforehand . I don’t really like how many times this has happened.

And by no means is this a callout to my friend, she cant help being drop dead gorgeous, id do the exact same if I wasn’t her best friend. But sometimes its like im a shadow, ive tried to be like them more but i cant change. I really tried.

I just dont think that anyone can really love me, im always the friend you catch feelings for but realise you never want. Id say im pretty cool but i have my flaws, sometimes im too mean and sometimes im too awkward, i cant flirt and im very indecisive.

But hey guys im really into spirituality now and i learned some spells and it’s actually super fun :) im doing okay most of time i just needed this breather

Im spiralling quite bad and im wondering if anyone even likes me anymore, have i changed and become too much? Too spiritual? Are people going to get sick of the happy me? I hope not because i enjoy being this happy , but in the back of my mind there’s always a clock ticking as to when my friends will finally get bored of me. Im waiting patiently hoping it never comes, like a rainy day in a desert.

If you’re reading this, it means youve seen me vulnerable and i hate that , but when you feel you have no one, writing is your only friend. I think I haven’t felt this hopeless in a long time , i wont go into detail but i feel so utterly unlovable, id be ok saying id let someone use me for my body but they wouldnt even want that.

Im hoping everything falls back into place tomorrow

Please :)

Heres a picture of my girl , the only one who ever understands me , the one who’s always been there and the one i love more than anything in the world . The one who will never leave me for something better because she loves me too.

#Spotify

[dreamii-yume]

SPOILERSSS for Twisted Wonderland Chapter 6 : 1-16!!!

*rubs hands* aight it wont take long before genshin has me in its gacha hell grasp again, I just barely escaped this time— NOW ITS TIME TO SEE THE BOIS CHAPTER 6 omg— wtf happened last time lol it’s been too long

So, no voice over because of some problems which is understandable but— meh I don’t feel like reading lol So I’m watching otome ayui translations this time, because im that one dumbass student who skipped kanji class and now i cant read without sounding like im five _:(´ཀ`」 ∠): “what up im yume im way passed 19 and i never fucking learned how to read”

Also watching Hanayura Kanon stream for the rest that’s not yet been translated lol Because he’s very good at voice acting for the characters and he’s funny af lol

- OKAY OKAY— WTF HAPPENED EXPLAIN

- Fun fact : I haven’t watched Hercules yet so I legit don’t know what’s about to come lol

- Aw, that’s cute— We called over Ace and Deuce late at night AND THEY REALLY CAME OVER AAAAA

- I forgot how fckin pure their friendship is _:(´ཀ`」 ∠):

- Aight, so we actually have a huge-ass scratch from feral Grim lol That’s just fantastic, isn’t it

- FINALLY— We’re talking about Mickey and the stones my monster cat has been eating with Crowley AAAAA

- “Yeah there’s this bitch called mickey and i took his photo—“

- WE’RE FINALLY TALKING ABOUT THIS. AFTER 6 CHAPTERS.

- Bruh this crystal of blot sounds really dangerous why are we discussing this just now

- Speaking of this crystal, Crowley— you were looking for this crystal in chap one and when we asked you about wtf you’re trying to find you just went— “oH itS NothING.”

- I SUPPOSED ITS NOT NOTHING NOW IS IT

- I didnt see you searching for crystals after every chapter mr. crowley where were you 👁👄👁 dont you think it was weird that you didnt see a single one after like— five blotting incidents

- Oh so its rare i see— BRUH R U SURE ABOUT THAT grim literally found one every single chap LMAO

- Okay okay— see, he may be violent but listen— you aint gonna throw out my fucking cat okay

- Wh— THERE WAS A FESTIVAL!? Im dumb so its not just VDC LOL

- Listen LISTEN— GRIM IS FINE. HOLD UP— NO NEED TO THROW HIM OUT JUST LET ME HAVE ANOTHER LOOK AT HIM

- Aww, Ace and Deuce looked pissed about it too AAAAHH THE TRUE DEFINITION OF THE BOIS

- BRUH NO— ALL THE DORM LEADERS TO GO AND CAPTURE GRIM?? HE’LL DIE

- CROWLEY PLS— WE CAN TALK ABOUT THIS, HONEY

- #Grimportectionsquad

- “It’s bout time for them to come” Who?

- FUCKING— CROWLEY STOP SAYING ITS NOTHING— This is why this school is so fucked, you never tell us anything ahead of time _:(´ཀ`」 ∠):

- Aight he left, Ace Deuce hurry help me what you guys got

- He may be a monster but see— the worst he did is eat the whole tuna stack SO PLS HES STILL BABY AND I LOVE HIM

- THATS RIGHT DEUCE MY MAN GRIM CAN DO NO BAD I SWEAR

- HE WOULDNT EVER AGAIN I SWEAR

- Ace ヽ(；▽；)ノ The character development— im so proud of you, son

- THIS IS THE BOISSS— LETS GOOOO

- Fuck this is so beautiful— just me and the bois on our way in the middle of the night to find our MISSING CAT I—

- CROWLEY REALLY DID ASSEMBLE THEM DORM LEADERS AAAAAAA AT THIS HOUR TOO WTF

- BRUH WE CAN TALK

- Kalim Kalim Kalim Vil Vil Vil— Pls we’ve been through so much last chapter ＨＥＬＰ

- Leona…A big fat ｍｏｏｄ honestly lmao

- Ey ey riddle pls— dont make this any more difficult—

- Shut up azul stay where u are all you’ve done is nothing but chaos since you arrive so SHHH

- MALLEUS IS NOT HERE AGAIN LILIA PLS— where is he when we need him the most LOL

- Ortho, your bro where?? Also— SURVIVAL STATUS BRUH—

- YES PLS DONT HURT HIM OMG

- oh i forgot idia lives in his tablet LOL OF COURSE

- Omg he’s in the apple trees still looking scary as shi aaaaaaa pls kitty come home u just had too much catnip

- OH GOD 15m HE’S CLOSE

- “Starting operation” ORTHO WHAT TF

- EY EY EY oh good he’s knocked out sighhh

- Aight I know this has been translated but I can’t help but to look at the original japanese and im just— wtf is RTS and TAS idia i dont understand this advanced gamer otaku language

- But Idia and Ortho really do be speedrunning on who can fucking kick my cat the hardest LOL

- THATS RIGHT IDIA You understand me— Fellow cat lovers unite, Grim is very cute, he can’t do no bad

- …so can i have him back pls—

- Can we just appreciate the fact that these bois are willing to take the risk of getting their heads chopped off by Riddle by doing all this for us??

- If this isnt what you call true friendship then i dont know what this is

- Lol ambrose is going to appear in this festival again and crowley’s prideful ass is QUAKING

- WHY are we not allowed to see him crowley im sure we can handle it— We’re the BOIS. CMON

- Imagine if they just summon a fcuking— magic vet or something lol

- It’s the next day lol

- HAH ITS THE VDC LOSERS BY ONE VOTE SQUAD

- I mean the NRC Tribe— ٩( ᐛ )و

- VIL. what you have my queen

- Vil pls dont remind me that my cat isnt here but thank you for saying thank you i do not deserve—

- AWW THE ADEUCE SQUAD LOOKS SO SAD AAAAA

- Vil i miss the bad bitch but absolute oneesan energy but the apology— yeah are we gonna cry again lol

- AAAAAAHH why am i so proud— THAT vil is apologizing

- You dont need to maam what we had in chapter 5 was a fucking journey i regret nothing

- I swear if rook goes like— bitch that aint beautiful imma bonk him I WILL DO IT dont think i forgot what u did last chap

- Man i love me a man who can openly admit his mistakes MMMGH

- Rook i swear—

- Im glad that we’re not toning down ace’s brutal honesty lol

- BRUHHH I DONT LIKE IT WHEN VIL US TAKING ALL THE BLAME i mean what he said was kinda true BUT STILL

- Cheer up Vil, it’s not like it’s a complete failure anyways (；ω；) it was fun at least

- Hearing Jamil encourage Vil like this feels surreal BUT YES BOI U TELL EM

- What is this beautiful character development

- Ooff way to hit where it hurts the most vil my queen lol

- AAGH IT HURTS VIL RECOGNIZING NEIGE’S HARDWORK LIKE THIS— THE PRIDE I CAN FEEL IT ＣＲＡＣＫ

- Bruh we appreciate Neige’s impeccable smile in this household— REMEMBER WHEN EVERYONE WAS LIKE NEIGE’S GON BE A BAD BOI??? WELP—

- It was me, i was that person and i shall drown in apple juice for it

- Of course, the ultimate Neige simp already knows that lol

- Bruh the background music has no business being this sad　ｓｔｏｐ

- I hate it when vil is right sometimes omg— TRUEEE KALIM especially wouldn’t be able to stand properly on stage after knowing Neige’s own hardships aaaa

- NOO BABY DONT CRY

- Vil redemption arc??? 👀👀 you can help us cure our cat—

- !? Are we gonna get that money promised in that poster?? 👀👀

- WHAA FUCKING WAHAA VIL IS GONNA PAY THAT US??? THE WHOLE 5 MIL EACH??!! VIL CALM DOWN WHAT I SAID WAS A JOKE

- Damn vil is ＳＴＡＣＫＥＤ He really didnt want to owe anyone anything LMAO YES QUEEN

- WHA— KALIM IS ACCEPTING??? OUT OF EVERYONE HERE, I DID NOT EXPECT YOU TO ACCEPT THAT KALIM

- Kalim is making my heart go boom boom again baby boi ✨👁💧👄💧👁✨✨

- HE’LL DONATE IT TO THE RAMSHACKLE DORM BABY BOIIII

- …sumimasen kalim for having a very rundown dorm 👁💧👄💧👁 but thank you for being nice about it lol

- OKAY OKAY KALIM YOU DONT HAVE TO LIST ALL THE THINGS WRONG IN MY DORM PLS—

- THIS IS EMBARRASSING PLS KALIM IM SORRY FOR BEING POOR

- But this man be such a sunshine holy shit i cant even be mad about it lol

- AW YEAH RAMSHACKLE DORM IS GONNA GET A MAKEOVER

- EVERYONE BE DONATING THEIR MONEY TO US AAAAA Were they always this NICE

- Aight adeuce pls— y’all dont have to force yourself to donate my guys (´；ω；`) being friends is enough lol i get it my bois

- Find me a man who can make me feel like this the way Vil can

- Man if only Grim is here :’) he’d be soo happy :’)) you can have all the tuna you want buddy :’)))

- GRIM PLS ADEUCE IS WILLING TO TREAT YOU TO LUNCH BABY

- Bro this is so wholesome omg

- Im sorry but still up to this day, my understanding of Epel’s accent is still　ｌａｃｋｉｎｇ lmao

- Aight they be talking about how Rook already knew that they were going to lose from the very beginning

- The FORESHADOWING LOL The difference with how Rook said “What a wonderful performance” rather than “What a beautiful performance” sigh

- Honestly we gotta respect Rook’s resolve here lol man just knows what he wants

- Rook and Vil’s friendship lmao

- 👁👄👁 …!?

- EARTHQUAKE WTF How dare you ruin such moment—

- WHAT IS GOING ON

- EY WTF DONT DESTROY MY DORM WTF ARE YOU GUYS

- WHAT ARE THESE ROBOTS OUTSIDERS KILL THEM WITH FIRE

- They look like something that belongs to the Ignihyde dorm HUH

- Oh bruh— Vil in his Dorm Leader mode is so cool AND YES I KNOW THIS IS NOT THE TIME BUT wheww~~ Vil YAS QUEEN

- KALIM TOO AAAAAA JAMIL’S 「はっ！」SO COOL

- so SO— the dorm leader’s have a protocol for outsider attacks like this 👁👄👁 OMG THEY’RE SO HOT

- They don’t seem like our bois anymore aaa just pure professionalism at this point—

- GOD I FORGOT HOW COOL THEY ARE OMG

- HEEEYYY OUR DORM IS GETTING DESTROYED WTF ARE THESE GUYS’ PROBLEM

- We were just talking about renovating it too wtf

- AAAAAHHH HOW DARE YOU— VIL R YOU OK

- Bruh i dont know what is going on but dont touch my man’s face

- They’re targetting Vil and Jamil WHY— overblot men!!??? WHERE ARE YOU— GIVE THEM BACK

- I didnt understand what epel said here lmao BUT—!?

- THEY HAVE GRIM TOO FUCK HE’S BACK LET GO OF MY FUCKING CAT

- WHAT IS GOING ON DARLINGS

- BUDDYY >:’0000 Grimmm MY HEART—

- Are they kidnapping the overblot men?? What— the fucking absolute ｂａｌｌｓ on these robots

- God we’re getting absolutely ｆｕｃｋｅｄ in here

- AND THERE’S A CAULDRON IN THE BACKGROUND LOL DEUCE WENT HAM

- BRING ME BACK MY FUCKING CAT— >:’0000

- I thought there’s going to be a festival not a fucking kidnapping event HEY

- Oh 👀 Rook pls help

- AAAHH SERIOUS ROOK IS HOT—

- IS THE OTHER DORM LEADERS CHILLING WHERE ARE THEY KALIM PLS BE SAFE

- OH RIDDLE IS NOT ANSWERING THEY GOT HIM TOO

- Oh ghad they got him during clubs WTF HOW—

- *nervous hornii chuckling* …angry expression silver 👁👄👁 im sorry

- AAAA Dorm leaders actually be acting like dorm leaders is soo cool i cant—

- Bruh the story is all chaos what is this chapter

- Are they gonna get Leona and Azul too what—

- RIDDLE BABY Jesus christ dont overblot like this again lol

- DAMN HE STRONG FOR A SMOL BOI THO

- Whoever made these robots wtf is their deal lol TO BE ABLE TO BEAT A DORM LEADER—

- …Bruh where is our horned friend when u need him

- Silver and Sebek theorizing with dorm leaders but they took Jamil tho?? It’s probably the overblot men they’re after

- Also Malleus is probably good so you two calm down lol Lilia’s probs having tea with him right now

- Okay, Leona how are you going to get captured KING.

- Omg everything is getting destroyed wtf

- AW LEONA SAVED RUGGIE THATS CUTE AND COOL AF

- Bruh leona these are material robots— cant you just turn them into sand lol

- Oh they do have some kind of brand cmon just turn them into sand pls

- WHAT THE FUCK

- LEONA-SAN!? WHY ARE YOU GIVING UP— OJI-TAN!!!

- OLD MAN WHAT—

- *hearing leona whisper his reasons ✋ 👁👄👁 🤚 okay sir im sorry

- Damn Leona acting like a real prince right now— it’s kinda hot 👀👀

- BRUH PLS COME BACK DONT TALK LIKE YOU AINT GONNA

- BRO WHERE ARE THE TEACHERS

- THE BOARD GAME CLUB

- Idia : “bro we just chilling be cool— MY CHESS PIECE“

- “Aight ortho what’s the situation” “ｆｕｃｋｅｄ＂

- So Idia of course knows about this— why does he look like he’s so done lmao me getting the feeling this isnt the first time idia has encountered this situation before lol

- Man i want to see azul in action too but mehh— Idia told him to settle down cries

- LOL WHAT IS THIS KARONE ROBOTS

- Wait— are they taking idia too?? OH IS THIS THE DOING OF IDIA’S FAMILY

- WHERE IS CROWLEY— THE TEACHERS, YOUR IMPORTANT STUDENTS ARE GETTING KIDNAPPED

- AH THEY ALSO KNOW ABOUT THESE STYX BITCHES WHAT— and they’re just letting them GO whaaat

- Sounds to me that this must be idia’s family taking care of the overblotting students?? Like to protect Idia or something?? I DONT—

- “Gather all the dorm leaders” No, sir, they’re already gone besides my sunshine and the horn boi

- Malleus??? 👁👄👁 TSUNOTAROU

- Pls kill the robots they destroyed my place

- AAH UPSIDE DOWN LILIA long time no see lol

- Bruhh the diasomnia students are so lucky to have Malleus as a dorm leader omg

- BRUH LILIA’S RINGTONE IS SO CUTE LMAO

- Kalim sounds so desperate im so sad

- ARE WE— ARE WE GONNA MEET MALLEUS AGAINNN

- Bruh they just goku teleported their way out of the dorm lol

- AAAAHH EVERYONE IS HERE THIS IS SO FUN

- Wait jack is not here lol did they just forget about him wtf

- Oh shit we here too i did not know LMAO

- S-So are we just gonna..continue school like— like these styx bitches didnt just ruin half the school, my dorm, injure my bois, and took my cat or…???

- GASP AAAA STYX IS A BLOT RESEARCH FACILITY WHAAAT

- So that’s why leona and idia be like bro this is not worth it

- O-Oh yeah— they…they didnt know that Vil overblot— PFFT

- Malleus pls information who are you talking about—

- WHO— LILIA MALLEUS OH NO

- Ey, overblot squad are assembled lol this looks so dangerous

- LMAOO Riddle was sleeping on Leona’s lap for three hours THATS SO CUTE

- Where the fck did they take them, ITS CRAMPED AF

- Bro they’re just exposing Vil and Jamil’s overblot that’s supposed to be a SECRET LOL

- Oji-tan can sound so wise and reliable like this if he really tried lol sugar daddy energy

- Wtf these guys never thought that idia was from a big shot family??? They thought it was just coincidence that they had the same family name PFFT

- AZUL AAAA He was right there my guy BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY MAN

- oh. They finally opened— isn’t this the ignihyde dorm what

- WHAT THE FU— IDIA

- Bro— WHAT WAS THAT IT WAS IDIA ALL ALONG???

- WHAT IS THIS CHAPTER

This chapter is a fucking roller coaster like— literal 0 to 100 ＱＵＩＣＣ From having a moment with Vil and the bois to a FUCKING TERRORIST ATTACK LMAO IM HYPED FOR NEXT CHAP—

It’s been so long, I hope they released the next part soon (๑>◡<๑) I forgot how fine these men are lol at least I want to hear their voices again 👁👄👁

#twisted wonderland #spoilers #chapter 6

[genderfluid-insomniac]

"In the Clouds and Away From Our Troubles" ~ Hawks x reader

word count: 1.1k

You sat on the couch, tired and stressed from all the tasks you dealt with today. Waiting for your boyfriend to get home so you could cuddle with him and talk about both of your stressful days. A gush of wind informed you that he was home and a red feather circling around you and pointing to the balcony told you he wanted you to come to him. Stepping out onto the open balcony, the night air left goosebumps on your skin as you walked forward to meet a pair of scarlet wings met with a pair of golden eyes turning to meet yours.

“Hey, kid. Fancy a night flight? I’m sure you and I could both use some relief, and I cannot think of a better stress reliever than holding the one person I love the most.” You smile and walk toward him, wrapping your arms around him and hugging him like he was the only thing ground you. Accepting the hug, Hawks squeezed you tightly sighing in relief (as did you) and pulled apart to kiss your cheek, nuzzling his face in your neck. His stubble tickled you and you giggled while he murmured “Today was rough, and all I wanted was to get home to you, but complications kept come up and it got later and later-”

“Keigo, it’s okay. It’s your job as a hero and I understand that work comes first, I love how hard you work and how devoted you are. I’m not leaving you, trust me. I love you so much” You cut him off from rambling and kiss him softly. As he returns it, you wrap your arms around his neck pulling him closer, being wary of his wings, you cup his cheek stroking it gently. You hum into the kiss and you pour all of your emotions into it, breaking away for air. You slightly catch your breath as you feel Keigo rub circles on your arm resting his forehead against yours.

“Hey, why don’t we take a night flight, baby bird?” You nodded and you looked up, “That sounds amazing, Keigo.” He smiles as he picks you up under your knees and behind your back, you grasp tight to you neck, burying your face into his chest. He stepped up onto the railing, “Hold on” he whispered as he took off and the wind blew in your face, the city below you becoming smaller and smaller. Keigo flew high into the clouds, flying higher until he was above the clouds with the moon and the stars closer than before. Looking up at the breath taking sky, you loosened your grip his neck as you tried to find the words to speak.

You glanced at his face and saw a relaxed smile that put you as ease, he looked down to see you meeting his gaze. “I cannot tell you how beautiful and amazing you are, hummingbird. I still cant believe you mine and I’m yours. I feel like the luckiest guy on earth.” He laughed as he nuzzled his face into your hair, a love sick grin on his face. “I’m the lucky one, Keigo. I get to be yours and show you so much love, never having to worry about you hurting me. I adore all the moments we share together and will treasure every one of them.” You pulled away to kiss his lips softly and breaking it to look at him with adoration.

You both blushed a bit, finding the others cute and Keigo leant down to place some soft kisses on your neck. Murmuring something between each one. “You’re my reason to keep fighting” kiss “You’re beautiful and I hope you can see it.” kiss “You bring out the best in me ever time.” kiss “I’d be so lost without you and your neverending kindness.” kiss and he kept going until you laughed and tried to stop him. “Keigo- Keigo! Please, I love you and everything you’re doing but I’m going to be able to compete if you keep this up.”

He grinned and leaned closer, “Who says you have to compete. Can’t I give my baby bird some love?” “Well than you deserve some love from me because I would give the world to you.” He laughed and thanked you, softly humming a sweet song. Murmuring a few lyrics, “Wasn’t really thinking, wasn’t searching for an answer, in the moonlight when I saw your face.” You closed your eyes and felt the win caress your face, Keigo’s soothing voice almost putting you to sleep. “Saw you looking at me, saw the peaking out from under moonbeams, through the palm trees, swaying in the breeze.” He looked down at you smiling with so much love and gratitude.

You nestled your head into his neck and looked down at the clouds lightly brushed your feet and almost acting as a barrier from the city. With each wingbeat, your heart soared higher and higher knowing that these moments with him would always be your favorite. You ran your fingers through his almost golden windswept hair and he hummed in return, continuing to sing, “I know I’m feeling so much more than ever before and so I’m giving more to you than I thought I could do,” You sang the next lyrics as you looked at him, smiling, “Don’t know how it happened, don’t know why, but you don’t really need a reason, when the stars shine, just to fall in love.”

It felt like too perfect of a moment, the stars were beaming at you, the moon protecting you both with its vibrant glow. The full moon’s light on Keigo was beautiful, highlighting his eyes and facial features, the light hitting his wings and making them shimmer. He finished the song with the last lyric, “Now I know love is real, so when sky high, as the angels try, letting you and I, fly love.” “I love you, keigo” “I love you too, Y/N” You shivered slightly and burrowed into Keigo’s chest for warm seeing as you probably should have worn something warmer. He noticed and started to fly back down towards your home, trying to keep this moment as it was.

You both reached the balcony and finally reached the stone flooring, happy to be able to walk again. You got out of Keigo’s arms and turned around to kiss him once more, “ Thank you, love. I always love going on a night flight with you. “I love so you much, and flying with you is the best part of my day. Why don’t we go in and eat some dinner, then we can cuddle up and watch a movie together. Hm?” You nodded and grabbed his hand leading him inside to make something for you two to eat.

#hawks x reader #pro hero hawks #hawks x y/n #mha hawks #my hero academia

[noritoshiikamo]

game over

pairing: noritoshi kamo + fem!oc genre: angst tags//warning: established relationship, wild gojo appeared // blood, character death, emotion distress, mention of shibuya  note: the obligatory trio of mine: not well edited, lowercase intended, english isnt my first language im sorry if i murder it. note that i put descriptions of the characters i write so it would be easier for me, you’re free to imagine the character the way you seem fits! okay listen imma be honest i dont like this part that much dhhdbdjksncjddiem and im sorry if it sucks bcs istg i cant compete to part 1 and 2 of it so IM SORRY tagging @unabashednightmarepizza @sassyeahhhh @dok-ja @sukirichi [bold means i cant tag u idky :( lemme know if wanna be tagged in the next part] read the first part | second part | third part | bonus

few years ago;

“you’re fucking ridiculous!”

“you’re injured, how the fuck is it me that’s being unreasonable?”

she contemplated stabbing him straight to his chest. “i’m fine, leave me alone,” she hissed, holding on to her arm as she tried to limp away. second year jujutsu student noritoshi kamo wondered how the hell one could be this stubborn. with blood caked up on the side of her face, lips busted and bruising in the corner, not to mention the broken arm and probably twisted ankle, he could not understand how one could be this reckless and stupid, it’s almost ridiculous.

but here she is standing in front of him.

“you could’ve let me handle it,” he said, coldly.

she never turned that fast in her life; her limping leg suddenly worked fine as she hauled her ass, throwing both fists to his chest. the force put was enough to threw him back a few steps, he caught her wrists holding her from falling down. “stop acting like i’m so fragile. i can exorcist the curse just fine. you make me hate you so much,” she spitted, pure rage etched on her face, “just because i’m a girl, because i’m your girl, i’m weak. please, i am as good as you are, kamo.”

their faces were so close, he could count the freckles spread on her nose and cheeks. he loves her eyes the very first time he caught glimpse of it; one is a dull brown while the other looks like it carries the secret of the bright blue sea. this time, the eyes he loves looked hopeless, lack of the burning spirit she carried with tears threatening to spill. letting go of a wrist, his trembling hand brushed the hair coated with the blood back, carefully not to hurt her. “i never said you are bad,” he clarified, fingers busy brushing the hair back. his sudden reaction surprised her, and her body betrayed her thoughts as she eased in his arms.

he tilted her chin, his head was panicking as he realised that his brain was no longer controlling his movement as he leaned down and kissed her.

she tasted like blood.

she winced, pain aching on the swollen part and he apologized so quietly as he deepened the kiss. “nori-” her voice croaked as she swallowed his moans. he hummed, satisfied by the kiss. their foreheads rest against each other, the tip of their noses touched as they struggled to catch breath.

“stop being stupid. let me help you okay?”

“okay.”

slipping his arm under hers, he helped her walk, leading them out of the abandoned building they managed to exorcist. nothing major, a couple of pestering level three and four curses that them both handled well but their supervisor missed to tell them about the hiding level two curse that took them by surprise. she had become the curse’s main target.

if she would’ve just listened to him and stay close. he sighed.

“ouch, ouch,” she cried, clutching on her left leg, forcing him to stop. impatient, he slipped his hand under her knees, lifting her up in his arms. she apologized profusely, embarrassed to be such a burden to him. he brushed it off immediately.

“did you call them? told them that we are done?”

she gasped, “wait, i thought they’ll wait for us.”

he huffed, “you’re not that important, y/n. give them a call, please. i want to go home.”

kicking the door open, the moonlight shone on them as he carried her down to the bottom stairs. settling her down on the steps, he sat beside her, letting a long sigh. he watched as she took the call, letting them know that she was slightly injured, and they need to go back asap. she was visibly tired, and he was the same too.

he couldn’t help but to sigh at the way the moonlight enveloped her. he had loved her from the very first moment he caught his eyes on her; she caught him staring, called him out publicly and ignored all his advances. it took him a lot to court her. she’s a gojo, she can have anything and everything with the sky is the limit.

but one thing money could never buy is affection.

it started with little stuffs; noritoshi waiting for her with her lunch readied every day. it annoyed her but momo (who was secretly rooting for him) forced her to just do it. “it’s just a lunch,” momo said sheepishly. noritoshi would have them paired all the time for the missions. she’d accepted it with open heart. noritoshi would also teach her how to weld a bow and shoot arrows. she promised that she would go out on date with him if he taught her.

by the end of their first year, they became inseparable.

the idea of being apart from her hurts him physically and mentally. she took a sharp breath when he laced his fingers between her own, quickly telling the other person on the phone that she was okay. “it was just noritoshi,” she replied with a small laugh. their hands fit each other; his skin contrasted her slightly tanned skin. while his hands were rough from welding the bow and he kept his nail short and clean, hers were slightly softer with her nails painted prettily. this month she had her nails painted in pastel. all the girls’ day out with momo and mai had proven its importance. he was happy to provide her with his black card despite her discontent.

“analysing my hands now?”

he smiled slightly, “it looks very pretty. i guess i got my money worth. are they coming?”

she leaned on his shoulder, his own wrapped around her as she closed her eyes, “they are around the corner. i would definitely need another round this week,” she teased. kissing her forehead gently, he didn’t mind that his uniform was stained with her blood; he was glad that she’s safe.

“i’ll happily take you there.”

few years later;

noritoshi kamo almost lost his mind. the stadium was half destroyed, huge craters on the pitch with the sight of his wife nowhere to be found. he looked up to the black pitch curtain encasing the stadium area from the sky, a curse escaped his lips.

“where the fuck are you?” he grunted, scanning the area.

she is gone, his stubborn little wife. she could’ve just wait but annoyed that their dinner date was interrupted and eager because this was their first mission together as a married couple; she escaped his supervision. as they were dealing with minor curses outside, she decided to head on forward, leaving him to deal with whatever is left. he beat himself inside for letting her come, he could easily do this himself and send her home safely, but she blinked her eyes and he was weak. she always has her way with him.

his step stopped when he realised there was a shadow ahead.

“she’s pretty,” the thing said.

his blood ran cold, “what did you do to my wife?”

the curse let out a laugh. it was sinister enough to send chills down his spine. especially when he realised the head it was stepping on was his wife. her eyes were fluttering back and forth, struggling to stay awake. a howl shocked him, shivers down his spine at the painful whimpers her shikigami making. cursed spirits were devouring it alive, overwhelming it and chewing every part of its body. his wife was too weak to dispel the shikigami; it’s dangerous as the devoured wolf shikigami will drain her cursed energy by a second.

all shikigami linked directly to the owner; everything inflected to the wolf, she could feel it too.

he needed a plan.

hidden in his wedding ring was a retractable knife. he rarely carries blood bags anymore as his power solidified itself. the older he got, the better he was at using and controlling a small steady flow of his own blood straight from the tap. with a clap of his hands, the knife cut his hand enough to send blood shooting like bullets. the blood hit the curses straight to its cores, died out instantly on impact, but the shikigami was beyond salvageable. it let out one last howl, one last goodbye before dropping to the ground, half of his snout gone. she will be devastated, it’s her only shikigami she managed to tame at such a young age, but at least it has stopped the shikigami from stripping his wife’s cursed energy to its core.

the fire burning in his eyes only made the curse laughed. he kicked her body away, spurting blood out of her mouth. she was halfway close to death’s doorstep.

“i will fucking murder you,” he hissed.

“my blood is my power. it’s supposed to rot human, stripping its meat from the bone like acid. however,” the curse nudged her body, “your wife didn’t. humour me, did your blood tainted hers? tell me, i’m curious how.”

“are you going to chit chat because i don’t have whole day.” his blood dripped on the pitch.

the curse grinned, shrugging his shoulder. he kneeled, running his bloody fingers on her cheeks leaving trails of flowers pattern that dissipated immediately, “i’m not here to fight. i’m here to serve a warning,” he looked up to the tensed sorcerer, “for gojo satoru. tell him, we’ll be waiting for him in shibuya.” noritoshi’s face scrunched in confusion.

“we have no business with the gojos.”

“but she is. she could change her name, married you, but it doesn’t erase the fact that she carried gojo’s blood in her vein. she’s the bridge to your two clans. i’m just killing two birds with one stone. ruin the kamo clan’s relationship with gojos and hurt gojo satoru. all thanks to her,” the curse turned his back on him, his laugh echoed as he walked away. the dark curtain disappeared slowly as the ground rumbled. a perfect chance for noritoshi to strike if it wasn’t because of the cursed spirit’s words gluing him to his spot, “oh, kamo, i believe a congratulation is overdue. let me know when’s the baby is due, i would love to drop by personally.”

the pillar holding on to the roof collapsed sending wave of dust all over the place. noritoshi covered his face, coughing as he sucked some in, removing his coat as a shield. the cursed spirit was no where to be found.

“the place is going to collapse! i’ll get the curse, you go get her!”

a voice echoed and he caught a glimpse of blond hair running past him and noritoshi didn’t think twice as he sprinted around the cracks and holes. who was that voice or who was the curse, he couldn’t give a single fuck, he just wants his wife back. he was shaking when he got to her, arms immediately scooped her up in his arms. her chest was raising slowly, blood dripping on the side of her lips as she struggled to exhale.

“you’re going to be okay,”

he told her, but he wasn’t sure if he will ever be.

-

“can you turn down the stupid light, it’s hurting my eyes.”

the voice laughed melodiously, the light moved to the other eye repeating the same thing.

“as you can see, she’s awake, slightly weak, but she should be okay.”

another voice interrupted, “are you sure?” she gasped, excited to hear a familiar voice. “nori?” she called out, unable to open her eyes, relying strictly to her hearing as she reached her shaky hands out for him. “her senses might be slightly off, just let her do it herself,” the woman’s voice noted, and she felt annoyed. how dare you underestimate me, her mind scoffed.

“my senses are fine. see?” she claimed as she held noritoshi’s hand up. he smiled, gently rubbing her hand with encouragement. “thanks, shoko, we are fine.”

“i’ll leave you be then. call me if you need anything.”

she listened to the clacking of shoko’s heels, followed by the door opening and slamming shut. she jumped, but he held her hand tighter, reassuring her that it’s alright. “so why can’t i see?” she asked, confident that they are alone now. she felt the bed sunk a little on the left side, “you were high on anesthesia, i’m surprise you could even move your jaw to speak.” she felt a finger brushed her hair aside, breath loomed on her face and she could feel her own face reddening up.

“are you going to kiss me or are you just going to tease me?” his heart swell up, despite her shaky voice almost made him laugh.

“do you trust me?” his hand cupped her cheek gently.

she nodded eagerly, “always.”

“good.”

his kiss hit her like a waft of fresh air. every kiss felt like a first kiss to her that she couldn’t help to react so eagerly to it. his tongue slipped through her defense, overwhelming her taste buds with such strong taste of iron. it didn’t stop her. she knew what he was doing from start. he peeked a little, didn’t stop a second from kissing her as he watched his blood marking appeared on her face. her hands went up around her neck pulling him closer and he obeyed, deepening the kiss.

heal; his mind commanded.

after a while, she pulled back, being the one to break apart from the kiss first, her chest raising up and down as she struggled to catch her breath. her eyes were wide open now, fluttering lazily as she leaned back on the propped-up pillow. he wiped the corner of his lips, eyes on her as he watched the open wound on her face and arms slowly closed leaving the fresh healed red marks behind. he relaxed when he heard a thank you coming from her, as she checked her healed arms.

“i’m disappointed with you,” he finally broke the silence.

“really?” she frowned. he always does this thing where he will immediately go into lecture mood every time she does something that pisses him off. it’s almost like a game to her as she waited for him to explode, “right now? not even going to wait until i’m discharged. this is a new record, toshi. like shoko said, i’m fine.” he shook his head, “it doesn’t make it right. you always disobeyed me. ignored my orders, going about with your goddamn big head, you could’ve been killed.”

she rolled her eyes, noritoshi is being noritoshi, what a drama queen, she mentally rolled her eyes, “but i’m not,” she pushed her hair back, twisting it easily into a simple loose knot, “i told you, i am not weak.”

“your shikigami was destroyed, your blood was poisoned, 70 percent was already circulating to every part of your vein, i had to beg for the higher up to help purify your blood,” her smile died down. this game no longer feels fun for her. noritoshi was really mad this time. “you think it’s fun and all game but game over, y/n. you need to stop doing this. if you can’t do it for me, do it for yourself.”

“leave me alone, nori, if you just going to nag, please i don’t want to hear it. i’m tired.”

it made him angry that she was taking his word lightly. running his hand in his messy hair, he felt like hauling his head to the wall.

“you don’t understand-”

she slammed her hand on the bed, interrupting his words, “no YOU don’t understand me, i’m tired of you babying me. i’m an adult, i am your wife, stop treating me like a fucking child! we have been married for months, but god you’re suffocating me.”

“i will when you stop endangering yourself. i will stop treating your like a child when you stop acting like one. you’re pregnant, for the love of god!” he threw his hand on the wall. the wall cracked from the force. “i’m what?” she felt the world stopped spinning. she was hundred percent sure that her ears and head were deceiving her. he removed his hand from the hole he made on the wall, his body shaking from the amount of anger building up.

“noritoshi, answer me! what do you mean- i’m not pregnant, i had my period this month.”

“you are,” he shrugged. he felt something hit him in the back; looking down he saw the fluffy white pillow sitting by his feet.

he pointed to the bedside table where a sonogram perched up against a tissue box. she was about to lose her mind. “this is not funny, if this is your mean way of fucking me up because i won’t listen to you then this is just fucking cruel.”

he marched towards him, his hand went down on his chin, forcing her eyes on him, “until you stop playing your stupid games, until you stop treating your life like it’s nothing, until you consider my feelings and my worries, as your husband is valid, i do not exist in your life,” tears fell down her cheeks, “like you, i’m tired too.

“nori i-“

he left her before she could say a word. she broke into sob; her chest was pounding so hard that the blood pressure monitor was beeping. the door burst opened but it was not the face she wanted to see. she was immediately hysterical. satoru managed to hold her wrist down before she ripped the tubes and needles off her arms. “no, no, i want nori. where is he!” she screamed as satoru held her down. “you need to calm down, it’s not good for the baby,” satoru cooed, but she was not having it. he turned to shoko, “her cursed energy is skyrocketing, she’s going hysterical, do something!”

“let me go!”

shoko held out a syringe, “hold her down.”

she screamed, thrashing so rough that she almost slipped out of the strongest sorcerer’s hands. she managed to get a needle out before she felt another sharp pain on her back. shoko pulled the empty needle out and they retreated away as she fell on her butt backward. she was reduced to a babbling mess, her eyes drooped as she struggled to fight the waves of sleepiness hitting her one after another.

“tell him i’m sorry,” she croaked out, before everything turned completely dark.

the blood pressure monitor returned back to normal.

three days later;

“are you still going to ignore her? it’s been 3 days.”

“she needs to learn her place.”

gojo satoru disagreed. he eyed the head of the clan, shaking his head before standing up. he thought he could convince noritoshi kamo to visit his wife, but the man was as stubborn as- huh, her.

“i think she have learned enough, she’s miserable. you’re miserable.”

the man glared at the blonde man child, raising the cup of tea up for a sip. the tea doesn’t taste as good as the way she made it. he left her for 3 days and he found himself struggling to do everything alone. 

he, noritoshi kamo, 23 years old and the head of the kamo family, could not make a cup of fucking tea.

she always said that the best way to make tea depends on how long you let it steep. “too early and you won’t get the right amount of flavour,” she explained, her back facing him as he watched from the counter as she loomed over the stove, “but if you steep it way too long you going to burn the tea leaves and it will make everything taste bitter.” she turned around, a huge smile on her face that made his heart skipped a beat.

he frowned; the tea tasted bitter.

“she’s pregnant, she’s supposed to be crazy. you are supposed to be the wise one. she is going to carry your child for 9 long months, i can’t explain to you how long that’s going to be but she is allowed to be crazy.”

he dropped the cup on the floor when gojo’s hand grabbed him by his collar, pulling him up from his chair.

“now please, see your goddamn wife before i deck you in the mouth.”

“i will.”

satisfied with his answer, gojo’s demeanor changed and he was again the man child they all know of him. noritoshi could no longer focus on the report in front of him; not when his mind is full of her and only her.

would she forgive him? he wasn’t sure.

but he would spend his lifetime making up to her and the baby if that’s necessary.

#I FEEL LIKE THIS ONE IS JUST AINT IT AND I MIGHT REMOVE IT #jjk #jjk angst #jujutsu kaisen #kamo noritoshi #noritoshi kamo #noritoshi x y/n #jjk y/n #jujutsu kaisen x y/n #jujutsu kaisen x you #gojo satoru #wild gojo appeared #tw blood #noritoshi x reader #i already have part 3.5 have written tho loool #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #writing: fics

[nadisabug]

Anything You Want

Pairing: Tsukishima Kei x reader

Warnings: reader is kinda depressed, idk she convinces herself that no one (Kei) could like her, so warning for that, no spoilers though, ooc Tsukki, I am so sorry this was a one am fever dream im sor-

Summary: As old childhood friends of Yamaguchi and Tsukishima, it doesn’t make sense why Tsukishima and you fight so much.

A/N: Ahh I’m so sorry I woke up out of a cold sweat to write this whole thing in one sitting at one am im just 💛love💙 him!! Also!!! I hit 150 followers!! So excited!!! I love you all so much!! Thank you!!!!! (ps requests are open pls send some in)

Haikyuu!! Masterlist

"Kiss me Kei!"

"What? Tch, no that's gross."

"But I'm the mommy!"

"So?"

"You're the daddy! You gotta!"

"I don't even wanna play this dumb game."

"It's not dumb! Pleeaaasseee Kei-chan! For me?"

"Fine, come here."

The slap of the ball hitting the gym floor startled me out of my daydream. My eyes snapped up quickly to the game before me. Did we score? It took me a minute to even register what was going on and who I was looking at. I looked to the referee on his stepladder, waiting for him to call the point.

The whistle blew. He raised his arm. Boys in black and orange jerseys shouted. I clapped and cheered.

It all felt so robotic. But then I looked at him. Then the world shifted into slow motion and began to flow more naturally.

He raised his arm to wipe the sweat off of his brow, the movement mesmerizing. Even the jerk of his body when a teammate patted him on the back seemed graceful. Elegant. He pushed his glasses up a bit and glared at the offender. He turned to say-

"Y/n?" Once again I was startled from my thoughts. My head snapped to the right side where Yachi was standing next to me. She had a concerned look on her face. I swallowed, my dry mouth only producing a lump in my throat. "You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah," I responded quickly and looked back to the game. "Just focusing is all." This time I fought not to look at the boy. I didn't want to look at him anyway. I didn't. I didn't.

Finding my eyes drifting back to him, I launched into conversation to pull my mind from him.

"How's the girls team going?"

I was on the girls volleyball team as a first year. I only made the team because I was the only libero and, being honest, I was the best at receiving. I was abnormally short, so I knew I couldn't pull off many other positions.

Well, maybe I could.

I watched as the short, orange haired boy flew across the court and landed an impossible to receive spike. I still wasn't used to that combo no matter how many games I watched. Then again, I only had reflexes, not the raw power that that boy had.

I sighed and tore my eyes from the game to look at Yachi. I slumped onto the railing a plopped my head in my hands. "We need more practice games, honestly. The way we're going we're not going to win our match."

"Don't say that Y/n!" Yachi cried.

I shrugged and looked back at the game. My eyes found blonde hair naturally. "Its true. The girls don't practice enough. I think getting our asses completely handed to us will turn the team around. I just feel bad for the third years who will suffer from it."

Yachi didn't have a response to that. She changed the subject quickly and we chatted until the game ended, the whole time I focused on the freakish number ten instead of the boy I knew deep down in my heart I really wanted to watch.

"Nice net drop, broccoli brain," I smirked and clapped my best friend on the shoulder.

His shoulders slumped and he sighed. "I didn't even mean to do it," he bereaved.

"Fucking who cares?" I snorted. "Got us a fat point and they never saw it coming. Just remember how it felt and do it again."

"Y/n," Yama whined and tried to shake me off.

"Y/n giving you crap again?" A rich voice came from behind me, sending shivers down my spine. "That's rich coming from Pipsqueak."

"Says Mr-cant-block-for-shit," I shot back, turning around so that I could stick my tongue out at him.

"I'd like to see you try to pick up a real serve, not that-"

"Hey, hey, cut it out!" Yama stepped in between us, putting a warning hand on us both. "We're all friends."

I glared at Tsukishima but backed down. I didn't want to upset Yamaguchi. I knew how much he hated it when we fought, seeing as it was his two best friends.

I had known Yama since elementary school, when I saved him from some bullies. One day when we were clearly out matched, Tsukishima saved us in his aloof, roundabout way. From then on we were inseparable.

That is until the second year of middle school when Tsukishima and I started fighting all the time. Despite that, we still hung out together. Who knows why he put up with my constant antagonism, but he always reciprocated and never complained.

We got on the bus soon after the game, headed to the school. I was on the girls bus, them on the boys. When we got back to the school we met up again.

When we came to the usual splitting point, Yama spoke up.

"So I'll walk Y/n home," Yama offered like always. I was about to accept when Tsukishima spoke up.

"Nah, I'll do it." Yama cocked an eyebrow. "It's out of your way, Yamaguchi. She lives closer to me."

We all knew this, but the point had never come up before.

"Okay," Yama said warily. "Are you sure you don't want me to come anyways?"

"Tch, we're fine, I don't need a babysitter." Tsukishima rolled his eyes.

"Okay," Yama shrugged. He took a few steps backwards before he said goodbye and started off in the opposite direction.

Tsukishima wordlessly took off in the direction of our houses, so I followed. I was wondering why he suddenly offered to walk me home, but he offered no clues as to why. He used to walk me home before we always fought, but after that he stopped. This was the first time he walked me home in years.

So we walked in complete silence.

When we reached my house, we stood there awkwardly for a moment, looking at it. I wasn't sure what to say, but before I could figure it out, he spoke.

"Why do you hate me?"

I was startled by both the question and the sudden shattering of silence. I turned to look at Tsukishima. He wasn't looking at me, just straight ahead. I tried to read his facial expression, but like always, it was stone cold.

"I don't?" I answered uneasily.

Tsukishima sighed. "Yes you do, you always act so pissy towards me. You even tense up when I'm near."

"I do not," I frowned. I tried to think if I have ever done anything like that, but I drew blank.

"Yes you do," Tsukishima sighed again, pinching the bridge of his nose and closing his eyes. "We..." He paused. He brought he other hand up and rubbed his eyes, pressing his two fingers into his eye sockets. After a moment he threw his hand down, clearly having made up his mind, and turned to look at me. I felt hot under his intent gaze, his eyes searching mine for an answer I was afraid I didn't have. "We used to be close when we were little. What changed."

It wasn't a question. It was more of a statement. It was like he meant to say something different.

So I said it for him.

"We changed."

He scoffed, his face twisting into his signature cynical look. "Bullshit."

"No, that's the answer. Maybe you're not asking the right question," I shot back, confidence fueled by his venom.

He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it soon after. His brows furrowed and his lips pressed together. It was more emotion than he was exhibiting earlier, and for some weird reason, it made something in me happy.

"Why are you so mad at me?" He finally asked, face relaxing a bit. He seemed genuinely curious as to the answer.

His sincerity almost made me explode with anger. How could he not know? He was the most insufferable person in the entire world, what wouldn't I be mad about.

But then again, that was wrong. He never mad me mad with his snide comments and dirty looks. It was all in play and it never really bothered me, ever since we were kids, and he knew that too. So I couldn't lie and say it was his personality because I loved his personality. It was something else. Something I was afraid of admitting.

I grit my teeth. What did it matter if I said it or not? It's not like he'd understand anyway.

Once I made up my mind I met his eyes.

"Because you will never give me what I want."

"And what is that?" His voice was soft, wispy, breathless. Afraid.

Your love.

I couldn't say it. Bile rose in my throat and tears prickled at my eyes. I opened my mouth but quickly shut it. I wouldn't say it. I was too afraid.  My eyes fell to the ground, and with them, all my confidence.

All at once my mind began to barrage me. He will never love you, he could never love someone like you. He-

He laughed.

He fucking laughed.

My mind was thrown to a complete and total standstill by the absurdity of it. I looked back up at him with watery eyes in confusion.

"I thought you were smarter than that," he grinned, one corner of his mouth charmingly quirked upwards. "Than to decide what I think."

"What?" I mumbled nearly incoherently.

"We both know if you ask I'll do anything for you, so quit your crying, Pipsqueak."

I opened my mouth, completely surprised by his confession. He'd do anything for me? That couldn't be right...

But the more I thought about it the more I realized it was true. He had always done everything for me. Whenever I needed him he was there. It was me that started the fighting, all because I let my mind tell me that he could never love me, that he never would.

I met his eyes once again, this time brimming with happiness.

"Kiss me, Kei."

"Fine," he dramatically sighed, hiding a small grin. "Come here."

And he did.

Taglist:

Taglists are open! Shoot me an ask or a dm with what fandom you want to be tagged in and I’ll do it right away! :)

#sorry this is a crack fic #also this is my first haikyu fic pls be gentle #this is not really edited sorry #tsukkishima x reader #tsukishima x reader #tsukishima imagine #haikyu x reader #haikyu!! x reader #tsukki fluff #tsukki x reader #haikyuu tsukki

[zeravmeta]

komaeda as a master to kama as a servant in a grail war would be. interesting actually. 

like realistically a divine spirit of kamas caliber would only come in extreme situations like the grand order but obviously nagitos luck struck again, and he’s left with a winning bullet. problem is that obviously he’s gotta get some huge stroke of bad luck after this not to mention the fact that kama would require obscene amounts of mana to remain and function. obviously though, nagito’s luck would keep him alive throughout this entire exchange because his continued life is only bad luck to him, not to mention he’s not gonna die to any old mage! if he’s gonna die in a grail war, it’s gotta be to a shining beacon, an example of hope for everyone! 

kama, on the other hand, would see this human calling out to them and go “why the hell did you summon me i thought you wanted to win. well whatever i cant be bothered to do this”. but it would bother them to an extent. how this random human not only called to them but also has such an extreme cycle of luck and seeks their death proactively instead of just giving up like them. so contradictory, to be so defeatist yet want to die with glory, as a stepping stone to someone else. they can feel that his love for hope is genuine, but its also intertwined with his hatred for himself and his own luck, his hatred and jealousy for normal people people who lead normal lives. 

kama is someone who “gives love” as opposed to kiara who “receives love”. unfortunately, they’re also the hella big sad bc their duty is ultimately what got them unfairly killed. they know how insidious and self-destructive nagito’s love is because they've seen it, they know it, they ARE it, and coupled with his extreme luck have left him feeling like such a complicated mess that kama would understand him. they know the despair nagito feels very well, and they also know that all it does is make you lose yourself and give up. they can tell nagito gave up on himself a long time ago, but they still seek that eventual hope, the light that would make his entire life worth it, so they'd observe, talk with nagito, who praises them so genuinely from the bottom of his heart that kama is left wondering whose really the broken one between the two.

in terms of the actual fight, it'd be a nightmare for the other masters and servants because its the human that's the bigger threat. kamas fine to let nagito throw himself at whatever comes his way and just watch from the sidelines but they also see just HOW he became this way when his luck leaves him completely unharmed from every encounter with an enemy master and servant, and how the entire time nagito would be saying that they’re happy to die for someone else as long as it leads to a great hope. nagito wouldn't even be that great of a mage, its just that his luck would make him completely unkillable by normal means, especially since him constantly seeking his own death is what in turn lets the cycle balance out and constantly have him survive things he shouldn't. kama would watch gobsmacked as some enemy mages two thousand year old magics lose in the face of nagito tripping on a pebble and that somehow causing a meteor to kill both them and the servant, and begin to understand just why he is like this. however, nagito doesnt just kill or enter fight willy nilly, no kama watches as he carefully scouts his targets and observes them, and kama can see the focus, the desparation even, to find someone who would be that hope for him.

ultimately it'd probably come down to both of them just tearing each other apart because both are huge reminders to each other of their own bitterness and despair that they wouldn't be able to handle it. nagito wouldn't understand why kama is so self-depreciating; there a deity! they represent love, surely there such a great hope that they wouldn't need anything else! they’ve helped so many people live and be happy that they should also be happy, because they’re so beloved by everyone else. meanwhile kama would be frustrated with this human who suffers so much in the name of their love, who allows every indignity he faces as a consequence of simply existing and justifies it with the idea that it’ll all be worth it. however, that would also help themselves in turn, even. nagito eventually facing the reality that his luck was never karmic, but just because he cant control it doesn't mean that he should continue degrading himself for it, and kama accepting that they did get unlucky but that they also shouldn't just give up on themself like they did. hilariously, they would reciprocate the genuine love and affection that both of them crave for each other

anyways they'd totally win solely because after like two weeks of living together once they get the tension out nagito would go “alright lets end this no ones been cool enough to kill me”, take a pistol and fire randomly into the sky, causing a chain event that kills the remaining masters and/or servants. he’d probably give the grail away to some rando, too, or his luck would spontaneously cause it to stop working bc why wouldnt it

#fgo #danganronpa #kama #nagito komaeda #in love with this concept actually. so much actually #two people broken by the suffering around them finding meaning in eachothers pain its about the empathy the catharsis the understanding dam #legitimately. i may write a fic for this #ive always wanted to do a DR x fate work and uh. plot bunny babeyyy #this got. Long. i have sexy brain wrinkle disease

[ibelonginthepast]

yoo i really looooved your bucky headcanon thingy it made so much sense???

since you said you loved the marvel one: nat?

Thank you so much dem,, I needed the approval, its very close to me 🥰

AND AH NAT! MY LOVE!!

Sexuality Headcanon: I am gonna go for sex repulsive asexual, pan/bi romantic.

Its ironically funny she uses seduction and sex as a weapon ^_^

She doesn't realize her asexuality for a long long time, and thinks she hates sex because of her trauma and struggles with intimacy. Also cause she doesn't find romance with it ever. She doesn't get it, doesn't realizes its an option to not like sex.

Gender Headcanon: (non binary) she/her. Imma just through some random words. Grace. Feline. Beauty. Alluring. She's that gender that has short chin length curly hair, wears bright red lipsticks, high cheekbones, corsets, black, high heeled boots, knives. U get it.

A ship I have with said character: hmmm ngl I dont think anyone deserves the perfection that she is. Seriously. No one could ever deserve her. Not anyone in mcu yet. BUT, anyone she falls for, I dont mind banner... but I think he wont get her complexity very well. I wanna say valkyrie, but I ship them with cap marvel. Damn I just remembered they really killed nat didn't they? Fuck them. Fucking fuck them. Yeah I dont have a ship for her... no one deserves her yet.

A BROTP I have with said character: HAWKEYE AND NAT I love them so much???? Just so much?????? THEY ARE SO PERFECT, everything about them!!!!! I love how Clint is the soft side of her. I love how nat gets around clint's kids. I love how much nat loves him. How he's the only one who has ever treated her right. I'll actually start sobbing. They are so devoted to each other. I cant even. I love them so much.

A NOTP I have with said character: idk I cant ship her with Steve,, just like not for ever. I like what they had in the movies, how nat struggles with it, but I cant ship them as a legit couple for life nah.

A random headcanon: okay so bts,, nat has a horrible self esteem. she's ambidextrous. she loves dressing up. she prints out photos of rich old white neurotypical able cishet men in power, and practices shooting on them. When she's really mad at Tony or Steve or Banner, she adds them there on her target boards for practice, and it has horrified them to sometimes find their bigass postures punctured with bullet holes. Shes a fierce feminist and wears the label proud. She has had convos around this with every male on her team. She has hit them all in the head, rolled her eyes at their dumbfuck explanations of why they dont like the term feminist and helped them understand better what it is and make them know that they are in fact feminists too. she's an empath. I dont think that even hc, I think its very clearly shown just not acknowledged. Shes extremely forgiving, and believes in redemption of anyone. Shes for rehabilitation, anti-prison. She hates the concept of governments in general. She is nihilistic. She is a communist and passionate about it. She's secretly a philosophy simp, reads a lot about them when she treats herself.

Even though shes all for redemption, she struggles with forgiving herself and is very hard on herself. Her hypocrisy is really cringe and bothering here.

She has a thing for textures. She picks up stones, and cloth pieces and rubs her fingers on them sometimes.

she's an artist. She used to draw in red and black a lot, and has some ink sketches journals, where she has drawn random glimpses of her memories. She longs for a calm life by the sea where she can stargaze. The only time she actually did anything other than ink was, when she tried to pain open night skies and oceans. Cause pics like those make her heart ache. She tries painting them to capture the longing for freedom, otherworldliness, calmness, serenity they make her ache for. But she never captured them right and never was satisfied with them.

Something about her orientation? Because of the red room, she has a very complicated relationship with gender expression. The red room forced a form of femininity on her uk? she was forced to reject traditional soft expression of femininity. But forced the ballet kind of femininity, of using femininity as a weapon, or being powerful with feminine grace. She was forced to use her sexuality as a weapon. She thinks that her need to be voluptuous was something beaten into her in the red room. This all caused her a lot of problems with her identity. When she started recognizing what the red room did to her, she had the urge to be reject her sexual expression. This conflicts with her asexuality too. She tried changing a lot. A lot of internalized misogyny angst here. In her struggles to pursue a romantic relationship, she tried to fit in by being stereotypically feminine too, flowers, motherly devotion and care and all that. But she can't do it. She struggles with understanding want for kids. She struggles with gender roles and confuses them with gender too. She shifts a lot. She struggles with defining her own femininity for a long while. Cause she's naturally emotional, she hates herself for it for a long time cause she associates it with weak aspects of femininity. But eventually, she stops the what ifs, and tho it sounds fucked up, she accepts that the red room made her who she is and she doesn't need to fret over what could have become of her, cause after all our circumstances and environment do shape us. eventually she gets around rejecting gender as a concept, thinks it's fluid, and believes its boxing is a total social construct and fraud. She does what she likes. She goes with she/her pronouns cause she believes that they match with her expression and help people perceive her better and know what to expect.

Cause she ded, am sed. Cant hc her for old age, I wish I could. Really.

General Opinion over said character: what can I say, simp for the emotionally wrecked female power icon who hides all her emotions away and keeps the family together is so very fucking devoted,,, is my shit. I'll do anything for her, she can take me in and make me her slave.

I feel like I didn't do well with her. Idk its 2 am, my brain's not the best rn. Maybe ill add more later. Thanks dem <3 sry if this is disappointing 😔

#natasha romanoff #marvel

[emablckthrn]

OK BEFORE THE SCENARIOS SINCE TAYLOR IS A FREAKIN ENGLISH TEACHER

House of stone, your ivy grows = her heart is made of stone and theyre the only one who can get her to open up with their ‘ivy’, or even stone because she’s ‘stuck’ and ivy grows around houses to make them more unique and they both builT THIS HOUSE AND THATS WHY SHE SAYS ‘HES GONNA BURN THIS HOUSE TO THE GROUND' BECAUSE THEIR HOUSE THEIR RELATIONSHIP THIS SAFE SPACE THEY MADE TOGETHER

your opal eyes are all i wish to see = SINCE OPAL SIGNIFIES HOPE, LOVE, PASSION EVERYTIME SHES IN A ROOM WITH HER FIANCE SHE GRAVES THAT PASSION SHE HAS WITH THE OTHER PERSON which leads us to

your fatal flaw rhat makes you long to be magnificetnly cursed = THE PERSONS we're gonna call the mc ivy, THE PERSONS IVY'S FATAL FLAW AND THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS CURSED VECAYSE THEY CQN NEVER BE AND THATS WHY TO IVY IT FEELS LIKE THEIR CURSED

A WHOLE ASS ESSAY ON IVY? MY GOODNESS

It’s true she is an English teacher

THAT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE THO OMG IM IN LOVE WITH THAT

AH YES THE OPAL EYES HOW DOES SHE COME UP WITH THIS STUFF?? I DONT UNDERSTAND SHES LITERALLY A POET

THE CURSED PART AND HOW THEY CAN NEVER BE TOGETHER I LOVE THAT PART CAUSE IT MAKES THE SONG FEEL LIKE BEING IN A SECRET QUEER RELATIONSHIP LIKE WHOLE IVY SONG MAKES ME THINK THAT AND ALSO “WHAT WOULD HE DO IF HE FOUND US OUT” LIKE ITS A SECRET AND THEY CANT HAVE ANYONE FIND THEM OUT BECAUSE THEY FEEL LIKE THEY WOULDNT BE ACCEPTED ya know what I mean

AHAHA I FEEL LIKE I TRY TO PULL EVERYTHING IN A SONG AND MAKE IT SOMEWHAT GAY BUT LIKE THE ALBUM IS LIKE THAT WITH IVY AND DOROTHEA AND TIS THE DAMN SEASON AND THEN THERES FOLKLORE WE DONT HAVE TO GET INTO THAT

#ria!

[khristinewriteandcapture]

Series Reviews (2020)

23. It's Okay To Not Be Okay

Are you okay? 

How many times did you answered this question truthfully? 

When something happened to us and people tend to get worried, they always asked this question and because we dont want them to keep worrying, I think we always say the wrong answer because its part of being human.

Saying you're okay even if your not has been the problem of people not only today but even years ago. We say okay even if we're hurt physically, mentally or emotionally. Maybe to avoid being pitied, being a burden to others or we just want to look stronger. 

But that's exactly the problem of being human. We say things we dont mean. We always say the complete opposite of what we really mean specially in the moment when someone might also be hurt with to our response.

But it's okay. 

It's okay to not be okay. 

I've watched many movies and series saying that it's not embarrasing to say what you actually feel inside. I'm also currently watching a series about depression and how it can lead to death. And this kinds of series are trying to tells us that taking your own life is not the solution to every problem you kept facing on your own.

It's okay. Everything will be okay. It's nice to hear words like that right specially if it's spoken by someone close to us, right?

This korean drama doesnt only have the best actor to play the part of the main cast but also, they also made the characters connect with the viewers. Every single characters. From the main lead to the last supporting character. No one was a display. Everyone contributed and I think that's what makes a great story.

I think this has been the most meaningful Korean drama I had ever watched, next to Reply 1988 and Itaewon Class. It made me cried every episode. And it clearly deserved the praises it gets every day. 

The whole story was also refreshing because of the fairytales involved in every episodes. The mixture of a story to another story was a great idea of creating a new and unique one, I guess. 

As I said that everyone contributed to the story, I would like to share my thought on each and everyone of them. And I think, this is going to be longer than Itaewon Class or Reply 1988. 

Everyone has their stories to tell and this drama really told everybody's story. I would like to tell everyone's story here but I think, that is too much spoiler. So, I'll just give you what's unique and special about the main cast and some supporting characters.

1. Jae-Su. The ever loyal friend of Gang-Tae. He's like the best best friend anyone dreamed of having. I mean, with his business, you can have free chicken or pizza anytime. But I'm still curious how rich he is. Every time the brothers move, he also moved with them and open and close a business again and again. He felt sometimes felt tired but he never complained because he liked being with them. Following them was not an issue for Jae-su. He can follow them even at the end of the Earth. Because they're family and not blood of surname can keep them from being one. 

He's a very loyal and trustworthy friend. I cant believe he actually followed them for ten years of his life. Maybe that's the result of being too attached. You cant never seem to let go and even if you can, you wont.

2. Mr. Lee Sang-In, the business minded CEO of the publishing company, Ko Mun-yeong worked at but as time passed, he turned out to be a thoughtful and caring person. 

He also stick together with Ko Mun-yeong through the years. He have a kind heart which was buried in his business like stance who only cared about money in the beginning. He was also dependable and always thinks about others even if he doesn't want to. And he looked better without a beard. 

3. After the CEO, let's move over to Seung-Jae which happened to be the most in demand actress I've seen in almost 3 dramas already this year. 

First was in While You Were Sleeping (I think), then in Backstreet Rookie and then here. Anyway, her character her was slow in her work but quick witted when it comes everything not related to work. She's adorably dumb and you'll get to laugh a lot with her and Lee Sang-in's combo. 

She might hate her boss but she doesn't also want him or Ko Mun-yeong to suffer. And also, she don't have anywhere to go to that's why she stick with them. 

4. So, next is Nam Ju-ri. I hate her. 

Wait, let me repeat that. I hated her. Yep. And you'll know why if you watch this or if you had, I'm right, right? 

But, all is well. Maybe because she just want her feelings to be reciprocated. She's actually really nice despite of wanting to be not. She just wanted to lean on someone other than her mother. She's lonely. She worked taking care of others and she just wanted someone to take care of her too. We all wanted that right. 

5. Let's not forget the mother of all, Kang Soon-duk.

She had appeared in a lot of dramas. She would be this rich mother who don't want her soon to like a poor girl, the mother from a simple family who often beat her child out of love, the cool mom where everyone would dreamed of. She had been named as ‘the ultimate eommoni/mother’. 

She was effective. But anyway, her character here is the mother of not only one child but the mother of everyone in the drama. She takes care of the three lead, her daughter, her tenant and everyone in the hospital. It was tiring for someone like her but also magical because she was able to do it. 

6. Director Oh has been a great part of the whole drama.

Even though he looked and sounded like a not effective doctor sometimes, everything he says made sense. He often look foolish but he's the smartest fool in the hospital. 

After the supporting has been called for, let's move to the three musketeers–I mean, the three main cast. The emotionless princess, the masked boy and the boy trapped in the box or simple Ko Mun-yeong, Moon Gang Tae and Moon Sang Tae.

Three lonely people brought together to became whole. Who said two is better than one. Make it three for more fun. 

It was chaotic. That's the description for the three. A crazy girl, a calm but explosive guy and an adult but living in a kid's personality.

Watching this drama felt like you're about to go crazy too. After crying in an intense scene, you'll catch yourself laughing after and serious the next minute. I mean, every Korean drama does that. That's why everyone has the k-drama virus. Everyone is crazy now.

Anyway, Sang-Tae or the boy in the trapped box. 

He's a special trait that makes him different from others. He tend to think as a child sometimes but he's also talented and smart. He might act like a kid but you'll also be surprised of how he can be an adult. 

He loved his brother so much but also hates him to which is natural for brother right? 

He happened to have a severe trauma which add to the burden of his brother but as the brave brother he is, he wanted to overcome it and be the adult he really is. His characters was really inspiring and heartwarming. His presence gives off a ray of sunshine. I admire the actor who played him because he played it well. I hope if he will ever get an award for it. I really hope he will. 

After the boy trapped in the box, let's talk about the Emotionless Princess whose not really emotionless but full of emotions and craziness.

Ko Mu-yeong's characters gave the drama full of craziness and funny sides. Her adult lines and provoking scenes are the best. She totally likes provoking Gang-tae and even though it's all scripted, it was so funny that it can be remembered all the time. Some scene had become memes now. 

Ko Mun-yeong's characters was tough and powerful but behind that, she's still a girl whose scared and defenseless when no one's watching. She found sanctuary and safety when she met Gang-tae. For the first time, she wanted to be taken care of after all the years of not feeling anything. 

She's lonely and constantly in pain from the past. She's still the little girl stuck in the castle waiting for someone to rescue her. 

And lastly, Moon Gang-tae, our masked boy. 

I think he's the complete opposite of Peter Pan. He needed to grew up faster than anyone to take care of his brother. He didn't had time to be a kid or to enjoy his youth because of the only family he have. 

He cursed the life he had until finally he understand and accepted the reason why he had to have this family. It maybe crazy and a handful, it's still worth fighting for. 

All he wanted was everyone to be safe with his care and even set aside his own dreams for it. He regretted not doing his dreams but he's contented with everything he had at the moment and that's all that matters. 

Life might throw stones at you from time to time to test if your strong enough to conquer it not to avoid it. 

And if something doesn't feel right, don't be afraid to talk about it. You'll be surprise of the result once you let it all out. Never be afraid to let people in and also let them go. The end might also be the start of a new beginning.

Seriously, watch this. It's a must! Maybe 10 years from now, people will look back how great this drama was and even though 2020 was the worst year of all, this was made in that year. It will be part of history.

#seriews reviews #its okay to not be okay #korean drama recommendations #seo yi ji #kim soo hyun #netflix recommendation #love #mental health #family #friendship

[thebiasrekkers]

Make It Right [BTS Mafia!AU]

Plot: “It’s always darkest before the dawn…” It’s a dog-eat-dog world in Seoul, South Korea. One has to dwell in the shadows in order to reach for the light. What are you willing to sacrifice in order to feel the sunlight on your face? What will it take to drag you back into darkness? How long will the journey be to make it right?

Rating: NC-17 // NSFW

Genre: Series | Mafia!AU | Crime!AU | Angst | Romance/Fluff

Pairings: Jin x OC | Taehyung/Hoseok x OC | Yoongi/Jungkook x OC

Warnings: Graphic Violence, Heavy Language, Angst, Slow Burn, Smut

Previous Chapters: Prologue 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34

Links: FAQ || BTS Masterlist || Admin E’s AO3 || Admin E’s WP || [ REQUESTS ARE OPEN ]

Word Count: 2,832

Tag List: @prisczero​, @pinkpjmin​, @btsaudge​, @flowerwrites06​, @unoriginal-username15432, @halussali​

CHAPTER 34: EPIPHANY

“Underneath the smiling mask, my true self is coming out.”

© thebiasrekkers (Admin E). All rights reserved. Reposting/modifying our work is prohibited. Translations are not allowed. Plagiarism/stealing is not tolerated by any means. Legal action will be taken in instances of theft.

Seoul �� Cheongdam; Gangnam District South Korea

Anastasia groaned when she felt someone tugging at her shoulder, attempting to rouse her from her drunken slumber. Her body swayed back and forth and she swatted at the hand pulling her. Her hand fumbled around for the covers and she attempted to yank them up and over her head. Solace was given to her for a moment and she hummed in sleepy contentment.

However, her victory was short-lived when the blanket was completely ripped from her body, exposing her to the open air. Flailing like a toddler throwing a tantrum, Anastasia flopped onto her back and then sprung up into a sitting position. Her dirty blonde hair was messy and tangled but she didn’t care. Instead, she glared up at the person who was destroying her sweet slumber.

“Ana,” Raelyn said while shaking her head, “if you don’t get up and come on.”

Anastasia flung her arms around in various directions, fighting back an oncoming migraine and whining in the process. “Rae Unnie, it’s my day off!”

Raelyn held a glass of water out to her. She took it and automatically opened her other hand to accept the aspirin that was waiting for her. Raelyn smirked when she downed the aspirin and drained the glass.

“I made breakfast,” said the older woman, turning away from her to head down the small flight of stairs from the bedroom loft, “so get washed up and come down to eat.”

“Kay,” was all Anastasia offered before swinging her legs over the edge of the bed.

Not wanting to keep her friend waiting, she opted to wash her face and brush her teeth. She’d shower later. Once she made her way downstairs, Anastasia took note of the folded-up blankets and pillows on the couch. The previous night’s antics played out in her mind and she couldn’t help grinning.

Raelyn suddenly showed up at her door with two big bottles of booze. Anastasia wasn’t one to usually turn down free alcohol, but she also knew that Raelyn wasn’t the type to mindlessly indulge in binge drinking like some college student. There was clearly something on her mind and the only way to chase it away was through booze. Anastasia could relate and since she had the next day off, she didn’t mind spending the evening drinking away.

They played cards, Monopoly, UNO and vegged out on the couch watching Netflix. Neither of them talked about work or the boys. Anastasia could tell that Raelyn wanted to avoid those subjects as much as possible. Everyone deserved a night to escape and there was a part of her that felt bad that they hadn’t included Eden. When it was mentioned, Raelyn said that Eden had other plans. Without having to say it aloud, Anastasia knew that it was with Jungkook. The woman was brutally honest and stubborn, but her affection toward Jungkook was cute.

She would tease her about it relentlessly.

The smells from the kitchen made Anastasia’s stomach groan, reminding her that she was, in fact, starving. It reminded her of when she had her own aspirations to start a restaurant and ultimately failed. It was probably for the best, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t prone to thinking about those days from time to time.

Raelyn whipped them up a traditional Southern Style breakfast of sausage, eggs, grits and toast. A side of sliced strawberries were set on small plates. Anastasia watched her pour a glass of milk and a glass of orange juice for each of them. When everything was set, the two women sidled onto the chairs by the counter and began to eat, neither of them wanting to say anything until they’d gotten a few bites in.

Anastasia swallowed a mouthful of toast and scrambled eggs, washing it down with milk, before finally deciding to break the silence. “So, do you want to talk about it now?”

The fork hovered by Raelyn’s lips and stayed there for a few seconds. She sighed, setting the utensil down on her plate. Anastasia remained quiet, not sure if she should repeat the question. There was a glint in Raelyn’s eyes that almost screamed what was being turned over and over inside of her head. But doing that would mean she hadn’t processed anything; that she hadn’t been sitting on this something for days.

She wouldn’t have shown up with the offer to booze it up if she wasn’t prepared to get her mind right.

Stabbing at a piece of strawberry, Anastasia gripped the utensil and tried to slow her heart rate some. It never usually took Raelyn this long to speak her mind. Especially if something was bothering her. This, in turn, made her uncomfortable. But instead of prodding further, she waited.

She watched Raelyn pressing her hand to her forehead, sighing again. “Everything’s fucked up,” she finally said.

Anastasia blinked, canting her head slightly. “What do you mean?”

Raelyn was now pressing both of her hands to her face. “I mean everything is fucked up, Ana.”

There was a broken tone in her voice that was unfamiliar to Anastasia. She couldn’t help but worry that something terrible had happened. But from what she understood, the boys were doing okay. Their businesses were thriving, and they were walking away from the criminal underworld like they’d dreamed. Raelyn’s reason for worrying wasn’t even a factor anymore. She could date Taehyung freely and without the strain of having to look over her shoulder.

She didn’t understand what the problem was.

Anastasia reached out to place a hand on her friend’s shoulder. “Did something happen?” She paused, brows furrowing. “I mean, besides what happened with Eden Unnie?”

She’d heard about the incident that occurred when Raelyn was dispatched to another hospital. Eden got half a dozen voicemails from her that day and an earful of high-pitched screaming when she finally answered the phone. Regardless of how tough her friends were, Anastasia didn’t want them getting hurt. Not when there wasn’t a need for them to worry about it anymore.

Raelyn shook her head back and forth fervently, her fingers clenching into fists near her forehead. “Things were supposed to get better once they went straight, right?” Anastasia’s brows furrowed when the older woman finally turned to look at her, eyes wide and shaking. “So why does it feel like things are going to get worse?”

“What?” She felt a lump forming in her throat. “What in the world is that supposed to mean? Why would they get worse?”

The older woman laughed, border lining mania, and this caused Anastasia’s hand to fall from her shoulder. “God, how could I have been so fucking stupid? How could I have missed it?”

Anastasia didn’t understand what she was talking about. However, just because she couldn’t understand didn’t mean that the implications weren’t unsettling. It felt like she’d eaten a bag of river stones for breakfast – her stomach heavy and cold.

“Jimin told me something, Ana, and I’m not gonna lie, it rattled the hell out of me.”

“What did he—”

“The boys might be out, but there’s competition that wants them to stay.”

She blinked, unable to believe what she’d just heard.

“Whoa, wait…what?” Again, she blinked. “Why?”

“That’s the million-dollar question, isn’t it?” Raelyn scoffed. “Why in the fuck—”

“—would they want their rivals to stick around when they could just claim the territory the Golden Jackals left for themselves?” Anastasia finished the thought and now it was Raelyn’s turn to look surprised. Averting her gaze, she curled her hand near her chin while glaring at her half-eaten breakfast. “That just doesn’t make sense. Strategically, when competition is gone, that leaves room for a takeover when the option for a merger is no longer on the table.”

From a marketing or bargaining standpoint, attacking the former Golden Jackals would lead to zero gain. She recalled a conversation she had with Seokjin about something similar. When companies refused to go along with mergers, a buyout option was presented. If the buyout option was refused, then eradicating all competition from the board was the next step. But if the competition chose to pull itself from the game, then the remaining competitors usually fought amongst themselves over who would take over what was left behind.

Pulling the competition back that chose to remove themselves would bring them no profit. It would create unrest all over again…

Is someone foaming at the mouth or something?

When she next met Raelyn’s gaze, it was like something dawned on the older woman. Several emotions passed over her face, but the one that Anastasia recognized immediately was anger. Something she’d said apparently set her off.

“They think they’re bluffing.”

“Huh?”

Raelyn stood from her chair suddenly, causing Anastasia to recoil. “They think Hoseok and the others are bluffing!” She began pacing and all Anastasia could do was follow her with her eyes. “They’re not sure if they’ve really dissolved or not. That’s why they’re not launching a war.” She smacked her forehead while letting loose a mirthless laugh. “That’s why the others haven’t started stirring up shit. They’re not sure what Hoseok and the others are going to do!”

Anastasia heard her laugh again, but it sounded terrible, making her skin crawl. “Rae…”

The older woman continued pacing for a few more minutes, muttering things to herself. When she suddenly stopped, Anastasia was halfway out of her seat. The two friends met each other’s gazes and it was like they both thought the same thing at that very same moment.

“What’s going to happen when they find out that it’s true?”

The work week seemed to crawl at a snail’s pace. It was unbearable and Anastasia was sure she would start the process of plucking her own eyeballs out. Seokjin and she hardly had time to see each other at all since he was doing his best to assist Hoseok and Namjoon at the new hotel in Yongsan. Not that she blamed him or needed her hand held. He wouldn’t have hired her if he didn’t think she was capable of handling things without him constantly being in the office.

Jimin being there was a boon and he was always at the ready to assist whenever she needed him. Even when she didn’t, he had coffee and snacks ready – encouraging her to take breaks before she got lost in a mountain of paperwork.

Burying herself in her work, however, was the only way she could successfully chase her worries from her mind.

She’d wanted to pick Jimin’s brain; to figure out what was going on behind the scenes. All she knew was the financial aspect of their businesses. It was her job to maintain it and make sure all the books were up to date. Nothing was out of place and Seokjin wasn’t asking her to fudge the books either. Accounts were stable and clean. No money was laundered since none of their funds were funneling in from an outside source even remotely associated with the criminal underworld.

Yet she couldn’t shake the frustration and worry that radiated from Raelyn. It was bleeding across to her now, making it hard to focus on her job. Seokjin and she were getting closer, sure, and others could clearly see that they were an item. But without him there to reassure her that things were going to be alright, Anastasia felt on edge. Hell, borderline neurotic. She could admit it.

Was their friend, Eden, suffering like this also? When she saw her a few days ago, it didn’t look like it. What was she doing that was different than what either Raelyn or she were? Had the mixed girl gotten her hands on some magic pills, being selfish and unwilling to share?

Wanting to stop by her friend’s shop on her lunch break, she took a breath of air in relief when she arrived and saw that nothing was happening. The garage was closed, a sign hanging out the window saying they were out to lunch and would be back in an hour. Anastasia finished her paperwork early and decided she would take a long lunch, so she had time to kill until her friend got back. Maybe Eden would have some answers to the questions that were constantly nagging at her.

Just as she was about to hail a cab to a nearby café, Anastasia let out a sharp squeak, realizing too late that someone was now in front of her. Her chest bumped into said person, causing her to stumble backwards. The stiletto points of her shoes scraped along the concrete loudly. When she was positive she was going to see the sky, a pair of hands grabbed her shoulders to steady her.

“Whoa,” said a gentle voice, a hint of amusement laced through it, “careful there.”

“I’m so sorry!” Anastasia apologized, taking a step back and bowing her head. “I should have been paying more attention.”

“It’s alright. I was just wondering where the fire was.”

When she finally lifted her head to look up, she saw an unfamiliar man standing in front of her. He had mouse brown hair, umber eyes, and a sweet smile that mirrored in motion with said eyes. Flushing at his appearance, she quickly shifted her gaze to look away from him. She felt more embarrassed than anything else.

“There’s no fire.”

“I can see that.” She moved to look at him again just as the man brushed some of his hair out of his eyes. “Were you here for an appointment?”

“Oh, no,” she said with a laugh, “I just came to see my friend. Looks like I just missed them.”

He slipped his hands into the pockets of his slacks. “In this day and age, you didn’t think to call her ahead of time?”

Anastasia pressed her hand against the side of her neck, giving a shy laugh while shrugging one shoulder. “I suck at surprises?” She laughed again until a thought struck her, causing a tiny shiver to shoot down her spine. Her hand slid slowly from her neck, falling to her side as she began narrowing her eyes at the stranger in front of her. “How did you know my friend’s a girl?”

“I assumed.”

“Assumed that I don’t have guy friends?” Anastasia took a step back when she saw the man’s gaze darken, his smile remaining. “Or that you already know who owns this shop?”

The man laughed, shrugging and then taking a step forward. She took another step back. He leaned forward, peering at her like he was examining a specimen in a jar.

“Clever girl,” he mused, straightening to his full height, “it didn’t take you long to pick up on that. No wonder you’re their financial advisor.”

Her eyes narrowed further. Anastasia didn’t appreciate being mocked. “…and who the fuck are you?”

“Ya, Yoo Kihyun,” called a familiar voice from the sidewalk. They both looked to see Yoongi approaching them and Anastasia felt a wave of relief wash over her. “What do you think you’re doing?”

Kihyun gave a lazy smile but there was no warmth in the gesture. Anastasia shuffled a few steps back when Yoongi closed the distance between them. He made a point to place himself in front of Anastasia, shielding her from the man who was getting his kicks out of messing with her. She had half a mind to throw her shoe at him.

Peering at him over Yoongi’s shoulder, Anastasia maintained vigilance as the other man scrutinized over her rescuer.

“Ah, Yoongi-ah. It’s been so long.”

She heard Yoongi scoff. “Not long enough. Now answer me: what do you think you’re doing?” Kihyun said nothing. “Actually, a better question: why are you here?”

“No reason,” he dismissed and Anastasia bit back her urge to pop off, “curiosity mostly.”

“I’m not surprised. You’ve always been a sick, twisted little fuck.” Anastasia blinked at the barbs coming from Yoongi. She gasped when he suddenly turned around to look at her. “When Eden gets back, don’t tell her about this.”

“Huh? But why?”

“Please, Ana-ssi,” he said, his brows furrowing.

Swallowing the lump in her throat, she finally nodded – albeit reluctantly. Yoongi’s expression relaxed somewhat and he bowed his head.

“Thank you.” He then turned around to face Kihyun. “You’re done here, Kihyun-ah. You talk to me now.” Yoongi strolled past the other man, not so much as giving him a backwards glance. “Follow me.”

Kihyun smirked, winked at Anastasia, and then followed after Yoongi as was demanded of him. Anastasia wasn’t sure of what to make of that encounter, but she knew she would have to thank Yoongi properly when she got the chance. Kihyun’s smile may have been charming, but the way he carried himself suggested something cold and unfeeling.

It left a knot in Anastasia’s stomach.

Is he one of the guys Rae was talking about? she thought, frowning, …are they the ones trying to pull them back?

#bangtanarmynet #btsbookclub #btswriterscollective #btsnoonanet #ficswithluv #bts #bts fanfiction #bts fanfics #bts fanfic #bts imagines #bts scenarios #bts mafia #bts mafia au #bts mafia!au #bts crime #bts crime au #bts crime!au #bts ot7 #bts ot7 fanfiction #bts ot7 fanfic #bts ot7 fanfics #bts x angst #bts angst #bts x romance #bts romance #bts x smut #bts smut #bts x violence #bts violence #yoongi

[irlaimsaaralath]

For Want of Blue

Cullen x Caitlin (my human Inquisitor) and their first fight.

Bless them.

*

Sweat broke across his brow as the echo of his own footfalls rang in his ears, ricocheted inside his skull, and made the pain of his headache pulse in time with his heartbeat.  Cullen didn’t slow for the door that barred his way, only shoved through it and into the war room, blatantly ignoring Josephine’s gasp and Leliana’s stern glare as it crashed back against the wall.  He was stopped by the table’s edge, slapped down a crumpled piece of parchment, and braced his fist on it as he seethed, now eye-to-eye with the Inquisitor.  

“How long were you going to wait to tell me?”  

The sweat that had beaded in his hairline trickled down his temple and traced his jaw, but he stubbornly refused to acknowledge it.  All the energy he had to spare was channeled directly into his fury.  It was a drumbeat, and he would swear he could feel his heart pounding through his skin and against the linen drape of his shirt.

“You should be in bed, Culle-,” Caitlin began, the corners of her eyes creased, frown etched in place, but he didn’t allow her to finish.  

“How long?” he bellowed and bashed his fist against the table, the parchment crushed in his grip.  Only Leliana resisted a responsive recoil as even he was taken momentarily aback by his volume and the wash of nausea it caused to ripple through him.  

Caitlin recovered quickly from her startle, and she bowed toward him, both hands splayed on the table for support.  

“You’ve been unwell,” she retorted, louder than strictly necessary, as her violet eyes flashed with both concern and burgeoning anger.  

“And, just how unwell do you think our Templar recruits will be, waiting— what was it?  Another week— without their lyrium rations?  They’re already down to half.” 

Her brow furrowed, muscles bunching between her shoulders as she hunched a further inch forward.

“I’m doing all I can, Cullen.  Bull, Dorian, and the Chargers are halfway to the Stormcoast right now, the opposite direction from the shipment,” she said, finger jabbing at the map.  His eyes didn’t follow the movement, rather remained locked on her face as his jaw worked to grind his teeth painfully together.  She gestured broadly before she spoke again.  

“Solas, Blackwall, and Cassandra are in the Emerald Graves for at least another fortnight. Sera is with Harding on a scouting mission, and Vivienne is about her own business...whatever it is she gets up to when she’s beyond Skyhold’s walls.”  Caitlin’s cheeks were flushed under her tanned skin, evidence of her anger that sank down her neck and beneath the collar of her shirt.  

“Send a company of soldiers,” Cullen gritted out as he tossed the balled missive across the table carelessly.  It rolled to a stop against the marker for Val Royeaux.  

Caitlin chuffed out a breath, but it was Leliana that responded.  

“Reports were unclear about the nature of the ambush.  Bandits are suspected, but with Calpernia in the area, it could be more than a simple robbery.  We need to send more than a gaggle of farm-fresh children playing soldier.”

A growl fell from his lips as he roughly cradled the back of his head in his hand and tried and failed to massage away the burrowing sensation in his skull.  

“I’ll lead them.  It’s an acceptable risk,” he ground out as his free hand joined the first, both clasped behind his head as he shifted in place.  

“No,” Caitlin exclaimed, straightening.  “Absolutely not!”

“Then, I’ll go alone.  A petty troupe of bandits shouldn’t prove unconquerable.”

“Are you listening?  You are in no condition,” Caitlin sighed in frustration as she gestured in his direction.  Awkward glances passed between Josephine and Leliana, though the diplomat was far less able to mask her discomfort than her more stoic counterpart.

“You’ve been abed for four days.  You’re barely even dressed, you’re still fevered, and I can see the headache in your eyes!  I understand why this is a sensitive issue, but careless bull-headedness will not solve this problem.”   

His fingers laced into his hair at the crown of his head and didn’t move when his chin dropped, gold eyes hardening into amber as he cut them up at Caitlin.  It was no secret to Leliana or Josephine the ailment that sometimes kept him in bed for days at a time.  He uneasily accepted that, in their positions, they had a right and even a need to know.  What he wasn’t accustomed to, however, was working through an episode in front of them or Caitlin naming his weakness so blatantly in front of an audience.

His jaw locked, iron ground against stone as a muscle twitched near his ear and his neck corded with the effort to keep his mouth closed.  Across from him, Caitlin leaned back and heaved a breath.

“We’re expecting Sera and Harding back in two or three days.  Once they’re back, I’ll take them and go to retrieve the lyrium,” she continued as she cautiously eyed him.  “It’s the safest option we have at the moment.”

“Safe,” Cullen groused, the word chewed between his teeth like a particularly stubborn piece of gristle before it left his mouth.  

“Nothing we ever do is safe, Caitlin.  There are simply things that must be done, and this is one of them.  If you don’t intend to take care of it,” he paused, and his hands dropped from his head to hook onto his cocked hips.

“Well, someone has to make the difficult decisions and take the lead,” he concluded.  The venom in his tone only sharpened his derisive wave in her direction, and the response was instantaneous.  Josephine gasped his name in warning, followed quickly by Leliana’s “That’s hardly fair.” Caitlin, however, said nothing at all, only stared at him as if she’d been struck.   

Her reaction registered dimly, distantly in the rational part of his mind buried beneath the pulse of pain and fevered anger that clouded his foremost thoughts.  He could only imagine them, the many faces of the recruits he’d greeted personally as they filed into Skyhold.  As they took their first tenuous steps into an unfamiliar world and trusted them...him...to lead them forward.  He could only imagine them crippled by this accursed absence he’d taken on willingly, but that they would suffer through no fault of their own.  His jaw set as he threw his hands in the air and turned, unsteadily, toward the door.  

“Cullen,” Caitlin snapped when she finally spoke, her voice sharp in the high-ceilinged room.  It made him pause, and he hovered on the threshold as his head canted.  

“That was an order, not a suggestion.  You are not to leave Skyhold.”

The cool tone in her voice washed over his fevered skin like ice water, and as much as he was able, he squared his shoulders.  

“At your command, Inquisitor,” he muttered before he stalked away from her.  

—

“Inquisitor?”

Josephine’s voice was slow to infiltrate her awareness.  Her pulse pounded in her throat and her blood rushed in her ears.  Caitlin blinked, a heavy breath pushed out through her nose as her eyes slanted toward her advisor.  The other woman didn’t speak, only gestured with her quill, and Caitlin’s gaze dropped to her hands.  Clutched in her fist was one of the markers from the map, the miniature tower figurine ruined as it fell back to the table, snapped in half by her careless grip.  

“I-...I’m sorry, Josie,” Caitlin offered as she rubbed at her palm with her thumb, an attempt to smooth out the deep creases left in her skin by the figure’s sharp edges.  She hadn’t even realized.  

“No apologies needed,” Josephine assured her as she and Leliana shared a brief glance.

Caitlin was too distracted to notice the silent exchange going on behind her back; she was still breathing through the anger that churned in her chest, ached at the back of her throat, and stung her eyes with tears unshed.  She didn’t truly anger very often, and even when she did, it was usually a fleeting thing -- a misunderstanding, an annoyance, a tiff that was a tiny buzz of irritation.  There and gone again in a moment.  She wasn’t one to hold on to such things.  

This, however, had caught a nerve.  If she were to be entirely honest, her anger had a twin in her bruised feelings.  What was it her father used to say?  Anger is frequently the shield of hurt.  It wasn’t enough for him to disagree with her, which itself was perfectly acceptable, but then to continue on, speaking to her as if she were a child, demeaning her ability to lead, questioning her concern for the recruits under her command.  Cullen had an unique advantage to most; he knew the chinks in her armor.  He knew the strikes that would hurt her most.  Only, she never expected him to exploit them.  She took another breath, deep and hitching, before she scrubbed her palms on the thighs of her pants.

“I should go after him,” she said, as much to scold herself as inform anyone around her, and rubbed a hand across her face.  Her cheeks burned, and she wished she could push the heat of her anger away from her skin.  In all actuality, the last place she wanted to be at the moment was at Cullen’s heels, but she couldn’t escape the nagging voice in the back of her head that reminded her that this hadn’t truly been Cullen.  Those words hadn’t really been his.  It was the withdrawal.  Those were not thoughts he harbored in his mind, hidden but for the looseness the lack of lyrium gave his tongue…

“Perhaps, Inquisitor, you would both be better served by allowing tempers to cool.  You’ve given an order, and he’ll surely not ride against it,” Josephine offered as her eyes canted to Leliana for affirmation.  The spymaster hummed her agreement as she plucked the crumpled missive from the tabletop and tucked it out of sight.

Caitlin’s gaze was fixed on the pieces of the tower figurine she’d broken, and it followed as she nudged them back and forth across the edge of the map with her fingertip.

“Of course, you’re right.  I’ll give him some time.”

#my writing #cullen x inquisitor #cullen x caitlin #angry commander #angry redhead #shit's about to go down

[the-stoned-priestess]

When is it okay to ask a psychic?

The following is of a matter of opinion. Please know this is not information of absolute certainty however something I personally witnessed...

A psychics job is to act as a living guide. We are not party favors or human Magic 8 Balls. Our sole purpose is to provide POSSIBLE OUTCOMES regarding to your most important issues. If you follow our advice ( and you should) it’s is greater possible that you will receive the outcome as prophesied. If your desired outcome isn’t reached, it is at the fault of the querant. Not the psychic.

How can this be?

The universe is never set in stone. It relies on YOUR part. It’s like making a wish. You cant just sit out and wait for your wish to come to being and hope some tall dark and handsome is going to ring your doorbell or your promotion will come without effort! You have to take action and chances you probably never would have taken! Without action there is no future. You have to know your role as the responsible key player in your destiny. You have to follow the guidance you have been given with your heart AND your head. You wont have eyes to see if you lose your head and you will not succeed in seeing your desired outcome.

DO NOT shop around for psychics.

What I mean is, don’t ask the same question to different psychics in hopes of getting to heard what you want to hear. You will be disappointed and the universe WILL respond in kind by giving you exactly what you don’t want. Law of attraction dictates, Like Attracts Like. If you spend so much time worrying about your desired outcome and then enforce desperation, it is holding a mindset of LACK and if like attracts like, you will continue to see exactly that. Again, it’s not the psychics job to change your attitude. 

Asking around using the same energy you put out can bring fourth confusing information. One psychic might say this and that but another might say something different or roughly the same. Putting out the unnecessary need to be sure is lack of faith. You have the accept the information given the first time or you will risk putting lack of faith (like lack of faith in psychics because you didn’t follow the advice) out there again for the law of attraction to present to you more reason to lack faith. What you seek, you find. Without faith, there is no future. Lack of faith is lack of esteem. Lack of esteem is lack of love. Without love, you know the deal.

What is selfish followship?

Say for example you want to attract a lover but you have to work on yourself before you can be ready for such a relationship. What a lot of people tend to do is practice what the psychic or spiritualist suggests as advice, but instead of following the advice for themselves in a healthy way, they do so with the only intent to “attract” love. This isn't how it works. Your self improvement is a serious matter. You change because you really want to and it doesn’t stop when you have gotten your soul mate/twin flame. The work you do for yourself, is so that you can give the same love you have for yourself back to your lover. An empty cup cannot and will not fill another. This is how relationships fall apart. Again, not at the fault of the psychic. You know that saying:

You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink!

Doing your own inner work with the sole purpose to evolve spiritually is whats important. Going at it selfishly to stop because you got your lover or feel you don’t see the benefit means, you are selfish and therefore do not posses the right attitude to proceed and run the risk of failure. When we don’t learn from our mistakes, we repeat the process until we get it right. Think back to a time in your life when insanity played a part where you kept choosing the same situation or people in your life expecting a different result. 

Then the universe is like:

The sooner you find the pattern, the likely-hood you will get your desired outcome. But in combined to taking the advice an intuitive gives you, changes are even greater and who knows, could be better than expected.

Asking a psychic multiple questions is bad ju-ju too.

As a psychic, when I first started out, the first thing I did was go to my cards for every little thing. I’m not perfect. What I learned is that it’s no different than cheating on a test or depending on a therapist to tell you what to wear on a date. Petty things like that is unhealthy and should be recognized. Some psychics will happily take advantage of the client who also want to take advantage of the “Human Magic 8 Ball” who is charging for the help. Is it a win-win? Not exactly.... I have learned this is wrong. You have to know when to stop because it further hurts your spiritual progress on BOTH the psychic and client. I strongly feel taking money off other’s like that is bad ju-ju in return. Probably 10x on the psychic that used your weakness for financial gain. Especially if there is financial gain. A psychic should use ethics and common sense when presented with a person this way, it’s not so they can take advantage. In itself it’s a test on their ethics as well. Hopefully they learn how to cut someone off. It’s hard because I want to help but we psychics need to know when it’s helpful to a client. 

Going to a psychic for everything isn’t helpful. It’s damaging your power and self-esteem. You don’t need to cheat on the tests of your human existence on earth. Life is full of tests, tricks, twists and turns. Embrace these things! You have everything you need right there with you. Yes, I understand anxiety. But that is a problem YOU have to solve on your own without someone constantly holding your hand. If you can’t do that, you are sure to miss out on what is rightfully yours and it’s not at the fault of the psychic.

So WHEN is it okay to ask a psychic?

Like seeing a therapist, if you need guidance or to gain insight on your spiritual development, once a week is good --so that you can take a week or however long to process the information and make moves. I started once a week and eventually it fizzled down to just a few times a year on the spiritual path. But these days I will do a reading when there is spiritual information my guides need me to know that can’t be heard at the time for whatever reason. I RARELY seek guidance about my future because I don’t like knowing too much. So I wont go out of my way to cheat through life like that. It still freaks me out when a vision comes to life. You don’t want that. TRUST me! 

Not every session has to be about future love, career, relationships or finances. Need not worry about the future. It’s much better to seek help on what is happening NOW in the present. What ever future outcomes you get, always take with a grain of salt. Focus on the here and now. What is it you can do NOW. I suggest using a psychic to help you understand how and why of a situation. To gain insight on whats currently happening and what you need to change. That’s it! The possible outcome is just details. The how and why are KEYS to get you to your possible outcome! Use the keys to open the door. If you don’t use the keys, you will forever be stuck outside.

To put bluntly: 

If you put so much focus on a possible outcome, without regard to advice or spiritual work you need to do, you don’t need a psychic, you need to seek professional help. Anxiety is a serious problem. Without talking to a trusted friend or a licensed therapist, you can’t expect to see your possible outcome! Anxiety goes hand in hand with depression and people suffering should not seek advice from a psychic. If you see a therapist and hire or acquire the aid of a psychic use both to help you along your journey. But again see a psychic to help with the here and now as you would with a therapist. Future details don’t matter until you can live in the present. 

I know plenty who see a shamen, a therapist and psychiatrist. One of them is my brother and he’s made such great progress on his spiritual journey that I’m proud. He’s learned to do tarot reading and pendulum dowsing as well and respects the process by using these tools to help evolve on his unique journey. 

There are exception to every rule however, I wouldn’t focus on that in this case because it’s not helpful to anyone. 

TL;DR

You don’t need to see a psychic for every matter of your life and you don’t need to put so much focus on your desired outcome. Each possible outcome is dependent on your involvement. Lack of faith by asking numerous psychics, lack of patience by asking the same questions, and poor spiritual attitude doesn’t give you what you want and deserve. We psychics cannot make things happen. We provide the tools and it’s up to you to use them. Know when to stop seeking intuitive advice and learn how to cope with anxiety in healthy ways. Know you are powerful in your own way. You are deserving of happiness and... 

...if you truely believe it, work for it, you can and will achieve it.

Thank you for reading.

#ask a psychic #ethical psychics #psychics of tumblr #mediums #psychics #advice #tarot readings #tarot cards #keen #oranum

[silverandarsenic-hcs]

Ghost BC x Murder

im a simple girl. i have mental illness. i fantasize about being brutally murdered. is this problematic? 1000% yes. am i going to get canceled for this? 1000% yes. Have I been posting on borrowed time since that little caesars post? again, 1000% yes. Here’s this anyways.

TW: murder, blood, gore, manipulation (Papa II, Papa III), stalking (copia), domestic abuse (Papa III), substance and drug abuse (Papa II), Suicide (Papa II and Dew), Sex crimes - all consensual (Dew) these are about how they would murder you so im sure you can imagine the types of bad things it will entail. 

Papa I: For him, it’s a fit of emotion that drives him to kill. One thing piles on top of the next, frustration turns to anger, anger turns to rage. He doesn’t mean to hurt people, but when he gets so worked up, theres nothing that can stop him. All he can see is red until he’s snapped back into reality and sees the red staining his hands and his favorite robe. With you, all you had to do was walk into his office after a few bads days in a row, more bad news in tow, and that’s all it took. He loses his temper on you before your brain can even register that you should run. Before you can even scream. He’s not particularly a weapon guy, he’s more likely to choke you to death or anything he can do with his hands. If he feels so inclined, he’ll grab the nearest solid object to crush you with. He feels remorse, in the end, but still covers it up and hushes the room when they speak about your disappearance. Decently classic case of homicide - its usually someone you know, crime of passion, unplanned.

Papa II: This one hurt me very deeply to write. His case was classic, when he was a kid. Everyone says that when an adult loses it, you could tell from the time they were a kid that they had cracks - too abnormal, or too perfect. Papa had odd behavior but Nihil never had him tested or even looked at for anything because his ego got in the way, and nothing could possibly be wrong with his son. And nothing was really wrong with him. Something just wasn’t right. He felt things strongly: love, hate, depression, elation, anxieties. Sometimes it was too strong for him to cope. Sometimes he would turn to things that would help him deal with the emotional rollercoaster he couldn’t get off of. Other people just got on with him. He started smoking weed in his twenties. That wasn’t enough. He started drinking heavily at 25. By thirty that wasn’t enough either. Stronger, more potent vices were what he needed. Cocaine. Heroin. Anything to make him feel okay - anything to make him feel. And you, you were the light of his life. The only good thing he’d ever known. You were the only person he had met who could keep up with him, but keep him safe at the same time. But eventually you got swept up in the parties and drugs and drinking too. Lost more control as the months and years passed. And one night he thought you were pussing out. Not being fun. That you were being boring and killing his mood. He pushed you until you did more lines, and kept pushing you and pushing you until your nose began to bleed. But he was so gone he didn’t realize. He pushed you and you accepted it because it was the first time you had ever truly been afraid of him. When you overdosed and died on the couch in the living room of your shared apartment, Papa had already passed out in the bedroom. It was three days before he sobered up enough to wake, and when he found you, he called the police and said there’d been a murder. But he knew what happened. He knew what he did. Cocaine has a funny way of making things stick like that. He hung up the phone, and before the police could arrive, took his own life the same way he took yours. 

Papa III: In the beginning, he has a silly little crush. He steals glances your way. He brushes up against you and makes you blush. As you two talk more, he falls deeper. You two become a couple, an item. You tell each other you love them. Years could pass. You move in together. You don’t notice any cracks in him, but he sees them in the relationship. He saw you talking to the new guy at work today. What’s that, you had lunch with him? That’s interesting. He sees the way you look at the barista when he says your name, and hands you your coffee. You say he makes it the best. He sees the way your friends look at him. He goes through your phone once, when you’re sleeping, and doesn’t find anything. he kicks himself for months about invading your privacy and promises himself that he’s going to stop digging. But he can’t tear himself away. When youre in the other room, he’ll go through your purse. The next time he sees you smile at another man in passing, when you get home he confronts you. you say he’s being crazy. he says your crazy for cheating on him. he just loves you. cant you see? he loves you. when he finally chains you to the radiator in the bedroom so you won’t leave him, you’re shocked at how a man you once loved could be this way. When he finally kills you he’s begging you, with his hands around your throat, to understand that he’s not a bad person. He's not a bad person. He's not a bad person. He’s not a bad person.

Cardinal Copia: He stalks, but never gets close. Not like III. He’s aware of the mistakes of his predecessors. He’s smarter than that. More calculating. He would learn you schedule - morning routine, where you work, what you eat, when you get home, night routine, how long you sleep for. When you touch yourself. When you see your friends. At first it was from interest, but he begins to hate you. The way you walk, the way you talk, who you love, who you hate. And he wants you dead for it - but he wont be hasty, no, he’s still smarter than that. he has to remain calm and collected to pull this off. Hate you as much as he wants, he still knows you’re smart. Not as smart as him, but smart. Its thursday night, and you’re home alone getting ready to go out to the new bar in town with your friends. he climbs into the kitchen through a window he knows you leave unlocked for when you yourself forget your keys and need to break in. In the end, he slits your wrists with a knife he pulled from the wooden block on the counter. Good thing he followed you to work and school, he knows your handwriting wonderfully. He watches you bleed out on the floor while he writes your suicide note. You have never met him in your life. Good thing he always wears those gloves to keep everything clean of fingerprints, because the cops never suspect any foul play, and no one has a clue.

Swiss: He doesnt get close to his victims - he doesn’t have time. When you’ve gone through this many people, you start to forget their names, if you even knew them from the start. He takes jobs as an assassin when he needs the money - and it does pay well - but whenever he needs to blow off steam he’ll really go at it. Get creative. He’s a weapons guy, gun by choice but he’ll really use anything, and he knows each in his collection very very well. But in his eyes he isn’t doing anything wrong, he’s killing people that deserve to die, for good reasons (Edward Cullen who??). Racists, fascist, misogynists, homophobes. He was on the news once for throwing a brick at a nazi. You’re the anomaly on his list of victims though. You were an accident of sorts. He got sloppy with one of his jobs, got noticed, and the vic took a hostage - cue you walking into the back room at work at the wrong time - the only way he can get his shot in without risking his own life or alerting others is to shoot right through you. And now that he’s been noticed, he can’t give up the job and run. He memorizes the details of your face before he pulls the trigger, and kills you and the man with his arms around your torso in one shot. He feels the worst out of everyone. Attends your funeral, but stands very far back. Something about your face, the look in your eyes when you died. He thinks about you often, for a long time. When the exact dip of your nose and contours of your cheekbone begin to fade, he pulls a picture of you he cut from the newspaper from a shoebox under his bed. If he regrets any of the bad things he’s done in his life, it was hurting you.

Aether: He’s the one you don’t expect and he knows it. He’s the cult leader of the group - but that doesn’t make sense. He’s not even a leader in any capacity. He’s no Papa, not even a Cardinal. He doesn’t even lead the ghouls, really. But people trust him, and respect him, and that’s enough. The most pull he has in the church is being what you would compare to an advisor for the cardinal. helps him make decisions here and there. They get more drastic as things go on, and the church slowly burns itself down, but Copia is the only one people blame, including Copia, because Aether makes him believe every choice he made was his own idea. Eventually, when the cardinal has become useless, Aether will have him removed. By whatever means he has to take, but ideally not murder, it’s too early to have blood on anyone else's hands in his name, and far too early to have blood on his own hands. Aether promises to rebuild the name of the church, and fix everything the cardinal destroyed, and make things better.. Make people happy, and health again. And every single person drinks the kool-aid. Soon, rather than worshipping any Dark Lord or Old God, people are worshipping Aether. People believe in him with their hearts and souls. People believe he’s the savior. You are the anomaly. You were close with Aether before all of this started, before he was even the cardinal’s advisory. You just think the power has gone to his head, and blame the cardinal with the rest of him. But when you start digging, you realize it’s been his plan all along to have complete and total power To start his own cult. To be worshipped like a god in a place that was built for it. Your death is a stepping stone on the path for Aether to achieve ultimate power, but of all the stones cast, yours was the only one that meant anything. He didn't want to have to kill you. He didn't want you to defect, and put everything he'd worked so hard for at risk. He couldn’t have that. But the road to his ultimate power ends with his own death too - you can’t really be appreciated for everything good you've done for the world until you die, and he knows that. But until then, he will think of you often.

Dewdrop: Kills you for sexy reasons. Not because you wont sleep with him, or he wants to actually hurt you, but because you both got too swept up in the moment. There’s a movie called Sexual Predator and he’s pretty much the guy in that. One minute he’s got his belt wrapped around your throat, tugging on it hard while he’s hitting it from behind. He’s too caught up in the moment to realize you’ve gone limp on the bed. He doesn’t realize anything is wrong until he finishes. And it’s bad. Oh it’s bad. Unlike every other crime he’s committed, he calls the police, and he’s honest about what happened. He’s disgusted with himself. He’ll never have sex again. He’ll never wear a belt again. He’ll never touch another person’s throat again. He’s sentenced twelve months incarcerated along with probation and some hefty fines. Everyone knows what he did, how he did it. You were friends with all his friends - You weren’t together, but you were friends. And they all know he killed you. If any of the above are likely to have their own suicidal thoughts after the murder, Dew is the most likely to do it. He can’t stand the way everyone treats him after he did it. He can't stand living knowing what he did to you and what hes capable of. He can’t go on like this.

Cirrus & Cumulus: When they kill it’s for each other. In a LOT of other HCs i mention that II’s solution to things is to simply “kill them” if they’re bothering you, but the girls actually just do it. If someone touches Cirrus in a club, Cumulus will absolutely pull a gun out of her back pocket and blow their brains out right there. Good thing for the masks. They’ll spend the next few months or years on the road, saying under the radar until it’s safe to go home again. The ghoulettes have a lot in common with Swiss - they kill for what they believe to be a good reason. The difference is that Cirrus and Cumulus aren’t opposed to the more gorey ways of doing it. Torture, manipulation, blackmail, you name it they’ve probably done it. They know a lot of dirty things about a lot of big people, and at their whim they could have all their hearts desire. Trouble is, knowing everyone’s secrets is just a little bit more fun than that. They’ll kill to protect their friends and family, anyone who has ever unintentionally hurt an animal, and anyone that’s standing in their way. They’ll even collaborate with Swiss on a job if it’s gonna take some more elbow grease, and he needs people he can trust to get the job done without leaving behind a crumb trail of evidence.

- Kat

#i dont edit these so if there's a mistake SO BE IT #im sorry for this disaster and if youd like to complain please send an ask to head office (this blog) #i didnt do everyone because i didnt Want To #Rain and mountain do NOT murder people and i couldnt make myself think so if i wanted to #if anyone its rain and mountain being murdered #tw #blood #gore #murder #drug abuse #substance abuse #alcohol abuse #death #manipulation #abuse #domestic abuse #stalking #long post wow #ghost bc #the band ghost #ghost band #ghost #assasination #trigger warning #papa i #papa ii #papa iii #cardinal copia #copia #cardi c

[mrvelesbian]

Ineffable

(Maria Hill x Natasha Romanoff x Reader)

Trigger warnings: mentions of suicide (not graphic and they’re also marked in the story), grief(?), people being very sad, death 

Authors Note: This is my first time writing for any marvel character so I apologize if they’re ooc! This fic does deal with some heavy topics but I tried to keep it manageable? Feedback is always appreciated❤

word count: 4.601

in·ef·fa·ble

/inˈefəb(ə)l/

adjective

too great to be expressed or described in words.

You remember the day of the snap. You were rushing around your offices in DC frantically trying to get in touch with other diplomats to do anything- absolutely anything- to curb the chaos erupting across the globe.

"Richards!" You yelled, waving the stout man into your office. Richards was by far your favorite intern in the office, and the most competent. "I need the delegation from France on the phone as soon as humanly possible they're the last European country we need to talk to." Your colleague furiously scribbled on his notepad and nodded.

"What do you want me to relay to-" he began to ask.

"Finish your damn sentence Richards I'm on a tight schedule here" you said, exasperation obvious in your tone. When he didn't reply you peered up to see what had interrupted him.

Whatever you expected to see, nothing would have prepared you for the reality of what you saw. Richards face was beginning to crumble away like dust. The right side of his face was gone and his left eye was moving frantically as he shook his disintegrating hands like he was trying to get a bug off.

"Jesus Christ!" You exclaimed. You rushed over to him from behind your desk only to turn your attention to screams from outside your door. In the second you tore your eyes away from Richards he had completely disintegrated. Only a his notebook and pen remained. You threw the door open with the intention of getting help.

The hallway was in disarray, miscellaneous items strewn across the floor and people crying loudly. Not finding anyone in their right mind to help you, you moved towards the end of the hallway. You pushed your way through the crowd gathered around the small television and to your horror you saw two reporters scrambling to hold up a third who was dissolving just as Richards had minutes ago.

Suddenly you realized what was happening. "Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck" you rushed towards the stairs, pulling out your cellphone at the same time.

The snap.

It was a hypothetical situation brought up to you by Tony Stark in a debriefing with him a few weeks ago. An apocalyptic scenario. The worst possible outcome of whatever showdown was happening between Thanos and the avengers right now.

"Come on come on come on Maria pick up please" you pleaded to nobody. Your girlfriend's phone rang once, twice, three times before it went to voice mail. It's okay. Don't jump to conclusions. You told yourself. Instead of breaking down like you wanted to, you ran down into the main lobby and went out to the front of the building.

"Take me to the avengers headquarters" you barked at the driver in the car parked at the doors. "Ma'am that area is off lim-" he tried to reason with you. You knew you were being a bit of an asshole but you couldn't bring yourself to care. "I don't give a damn sir. You will take me there now or I swear to god-" you didn't get to finish the sentence before an agent came up behind you and put their hand on your shoulder. You shook his hand off and whipped around, a scowl already painted on your face.

"Excuse me miss? I've been sent by Ms.Carter, you're needed at headquarters immediately"

The ride to the avengers headquarters was a blur. The agents had tried to make small talk with you at first but the pitying look in their eyes told you everything you needed to know. She was gone. Maria Hill was dead.

I didn't even get to say goodbye.

°°°

Later that day Natasha and the rest of the avengers along with a few Wakandans stumbled into the conference room occupied by yourself, Sharon Carter, and two other agents you didn't bother to remember the names of. The second she was in the door she rushed over to embrace you. Her hair was caked with blood and she smelled of dirt but you clung onto her all the same. A sob broke from your chest, the first since you had found out the news.

"Oh baby it's okay I'm okay I'm safe we're gonna be okay" Natasha tried to reassure you. You shook your head into her chest, unable to articulate what you wanted to say. She put her hand under your chin and lifted your head so she could meet your eyes. Finally the words fell from your lips. "Maria Hill is dead."

Natasha stopped cold. Any hint of a smile disappeared from her face and her hands dropped to her sides. A chill had set over the entire room.

°°°

Nothing was ever the same. Sure you and Natasha still came home to the same apartment every night, still cooked in the same kitchen, still sat on the same couch, still fell into the same bed, but nothing was the same.

You had forgotten how to cook for two people. An extra serving of dinner always sat in the bottom of pan, mocking you and making you lose all appetite. Maria's keys sat in the same spot that they always had, her favorite jacket hung on the coat rack. Her bright orange toothbrush sat on the counter gathering dust.

You and Natasha clung together at night as if you were trying to keep each other from falling apart. Some nights the two of you just cried until all the water was gone from your bodies. Everything in your life seemed to be cracking at the seams, because how the hell could it not when only half of your heart was home.

Things at the avengers headquarters were hectic as they always had been, except this time the responsibility of keeping the universe afloat fell onto Natasha. Tony had immediately retreated upstate, Steve was across the country raising morale as best as he could, Clint was an international criminal, and Bruce refused to step foot in the facility. Every night Natasha came home with a folder bursting with paperwork to add to her stack on the dining table.

At your job things weren't much better. The secretary of state along with half of your department was gone and with the current state of affairs you needed every person available. The international community was in shambles, England had to elect a new PM, several oil crisises had begun in the middle east and in Asia the lack of labor forces had caused economies to plummet. Begrudgingly, you had accepted more influence in the government and by now you were unofficially running the state department.

Somehow you and Natasha had managed to find the time to establish an orphanage in the city for kids effected by the snap. The organization was a sliver of humanity in the consuming depression the world was in. The kids there made you feel like maybe things would turn out okay somehow.

You had named it the Hill house after her. Natasha had chuckled when you suggested it, obviously understanding the historical irony. "Maria would've been so embarrassed to have something named after her, she was too humble for her own good." She smiled briefly at the thought of the brunettes inevitable bashfulness.

°°°

Years had passed and things hadn't gotten any easier. You and Natasha had made it through, both for each other and for Maria's sake. Every fight between the two of you had ended with tears and apologies and thoughts of how angry Maria would be if you two drove the other away.

You'd officially been named secretary of state despite your numerous protests. The government had attempted to name Nat head of the avengers initiative, but she had immediately refused the title of director. "That's fury's job he'll be so pissed when he comes back and I'm in it" she said. Nobody refuted her assumption that there was even a way to bring Fury, to bring anyone, back.

As the days passed you and Natasha worked, came home, and slept. Things had fallen into a sort of sick routine.

Then Scott Lang showed up outside the avengers complex and everything changed. Suddenly Natasha was talking about time travel and something called the "quantum realm." She had tried to explain, the infinity stones were dust in our time line so they had to go into others to retrieve them. But in all honestly the theories seemed absurd at best to you.

You had gotten into an argument with her about it. How were you supposed to let her leave you as well? When there was a more than real possibility she wouldn't come back.

Vormir. Thats where her mission was. It was supposed to take something like a second in your time until she was back. She promised she'd be back. She'd held your face in her hands and vowed not to leave you all alone in the world.

But promises cant always be kept.

"Where's Nat?" Was the only thing that came out of your mouth when the avengers reappeared. You counted them quickly, hoping you'd just missed her. When she still wasn't there, you looked to Clint. "Where is she?"

Clint stared back at you with sad eyes. He looked like a man who had seen too much, experienced too much to ever live normally again.

"One of us had to die and she-" the rest of Clint's words turned to white noise. Dead. One of them had to die. Natasha had to die.

The world became a blur. Everything was too suffocating and nothing at the same time. You must have been screaming but you couldn't hear a sound. You felt strong arms wrap around you seconds later and hold you tight even as you thrashed about. You felt sorry for whoever was hugging you because you were sure you'd punched them in the chest more than once.

Natasha Romanoff is dead.

°°°

Coping is not the correct word for how you lived. You did not cope. How could you have? First you had lost Maria, nearly five years ago, without a goodbye. Now you'd lost Nat.

They were the things that brought light into your life. Maria's terrible dad jokes and Natasha's loud laugh rung in your ears when you laid in bed at night. If you concentrated hard enough you could nearly remember how it felt to be sandwiched between the two of them. Maria's arm around your waist and Natasha's head in the crook of your neck. Or your legs wrapped around Maria's waist and Natasha's hands running along your back. You could almost smell their perfumes when you walked in the bathroom. But everything was just out of reach. Your memories haunted you more than any ghost could have.

They were dead. Natasha Romanoff was dead. Maria Hill was dead.

You barely ate, you barely slept, your house looked unlived in because you spent as long as possible in the office every day. It was only when your interns shoved you into a company car at 2 am that you finally went home.

The woman who you saw in the mirror looked nothing like yourself. She had your nose and your lips but her eyes were dead and her cheeks were hollow.

Steve tried to come around and get you to talk, as did Tony and Pepper but nobody made any progress. Even Sharon, your best friend, couldn't break through to you. She got further than everyone else by getting you to eat, but getting you to talk was impossible.

°°°

"Get some fucking sleep for the love of god" Sharon sighed as she pushed you into the apartment at 2 am yet again. You mumbled a weak "okay" and closed the door. The picture hanging in the hallway mocked you. It was of you, Maria and Natasha on the couch. You were spread across both of their laps and Natasha's head was laying on Maria's shoulder, all of you asleep. You remembered Natasha punching Tony in the arm when she found out he took it, but she had hung it up all the same.

Without shedding so much as your belt you walked into your room fell onto your king size bed. The room was absolutely silent. You hated it.

"If we're all going to be sleeping in one bed there's no way in hell it's gonna be a queen" Maria insisted, pointing at the mattress next to her. "Natasha spreads out so much she could probably take up a queen by herself." Natasha shoved Maria's shoulder at her comment but the large grin threatened to break onto her face gave her true emotions away.

You curled up in the middle of the mattress, refusing to push into what would be Maria's spot on the right of you, or Nat's on your left. The bed felt suffocatingly large now.

When you awoke from your third nightmare that night nobody was there to hold you to their chest. You bolted from the bed into the bathroom and vomited into the toilet. Tears sprung up in your eyes and you collapsed on the floor, utterly defeated.

"Wake up honey come on everything is okay you're safe don't worry" Natasha's smooth voice washed over you as you were pulled out of your sleep. You were drenched in sweat and your heart was beating a mile a minute. "I was in Baghdad again" you mumbled out. Maria hummed understandingly and rubbed your back. "Nobody is going to hurt you again baby not while we're here"

You no longer dreamt of bombings at embassies and guns pointed in your face. Instead you saw Richards drift away before your eyes. Heard Maria's voice calling out to you desperately. Felt Natasha's hand slip from yours as she fell off the cliff.

You couldn't take it anymore. You were exhausted, mentally, physically, emotionally. You didn't want to do anything, you didn't want to talk to anyone, you didn't want to be alive anymore.

°°°

TRIGGER WARNING**

The wind whipped through your hair as you stared down the side of the 27 story building. Cars looked like little toys from this height and it was almost humorous to hear the honks and yells from tiny cab drivers. You faced upwards for a moment, letting the morning sun soak into your skin.

"What the hell are you doing up there?" Sharon Carter threw open the door to the roof entrance. How did she get up here? How did she even find you.

"Do not do this. Please don't." She repeated, trying to keep her voice steady.

Something inside you snapped at her words.

"Don't even try to talk me down Sharon. Don't say people need me. I know that people need me Sharon I know that. I know that practically the entire state department is riding on my shoulders. I know that there are 150 million people left in the US who are looking for something, anything to show them that its gonna be okay but Sharon, and I know this is selfish, but what about me! Sharon what about me. I am so tired, so fucking tired of being selfless. Maria is gone. Natasha is gone. And I know there's something worth living for I know that you love me and Tony loves me and Pepper but god fucking damn it Sharon it's not enough." Your voice cracked several times through your tears.

"I hate myself because I don't care that half the world is dead, I care that they're dead. I watched people fall apart right in front of me why the hell didn't I go with them" you let all the rage, the sadness, the despair in your body explode through your chest.

You could see Sharon's eyes threatening to let the tears in them spill over onto her cheeks. It was obvious she felt utterly helpless in this situation.

"What if she comes back and you're not here." Sharon said, just loud enough for you to hear her.

"Don't. Say that" you tried to breathe somewhat regularly.

"There's a chance. Even if it's the smallest one, this would take away your chance of seeing them again."

Images flashed through your mind of Maria and Natasha huddled together in your bed, trying not to say anything about the hole in the middle of them; Maria and Nat placing white and blue flowers on your grave; Maria and Nat rushing into your apartment to greet you only to see Sharon, ready to deliver the worst news they could receive. Even if there was a .0001% chance they would come back you couldn't force them to grieve for you as well.

An even louder sob spilled from your lips. You screamed out into the sky like you were being torn apart, but when Sharon pulled on your waist you let yourself fall back into her arms and cling onto her neck. You could feel her body shaking with sobs as well. She slowly sat down in the middle of the roof, rocking you back and forth.

"Sharon" you mumbled into her jacket.

"Sharon it hurts" you cried. "It hurts so bad" Sharon only nodded and pressed her lips to your head, your hair muffling her sobs.

"I know"

°°°

The final battle was worse than you could have ever imagined. Footage from the city showed the destruction that leveled large portions of the harbor and financial district. Blood was splattered on the concrete, painting it red and bodies littered the streets. Thankfully you had heeded Steve's warning and ordered an emergency evacuation nearly a week ago.

You watched nervously as the battle raged on, seeing some of your closest friends fall to their knees.

Then the first portal opened.

The battlefield was suddenly bathed in yellow light and a figure walked out. Slowly you recognized them: the Wakandan king and his sister. More appeared. Scarlet witch, Quill, Mantis, Steven Strange, Peter, and Valkyrie all appeared seemingly out of nowhere.

The snap was being reversed.

"Giles!" You barked at the intern sitting next to you. "You are to monitor this screen and nothing else until the battle ends. I want updates every 10 minutes and a call if anything significant happens. Now I must go"

You rushed down the stairs and into the parking lot. A quick call was made and within minutes you were in a helicopter headed to New York.

°°°

As soon as you landed on the Avengers' building's helipad you were scrambling to get off and into the head quarters. You sprinted down the stairs to the 17th floor labeled 'special forces and directors office.' It seemed the most likely place that Maria would be. If she was alive.

You pushed open the double doors to the main hallway and there she was, exactly how she'd been 5 years ago. "Maria!" You yelled, flinging yourself on her the second she turned around. You sobbed into her shoulder and gripped her coat like a life line.

"Maria I can't believe you're here. You're really here right? This isn't some sick joke?"

"It's really me" Maria smiled. "You look like shit what happened" she brushed a piece of your hair behind your ear. "Maria I- you left me" you said between tears. "What?" She whispered.

"You've been gone for five years Maria"

°°°

The battle was over. Tony was dead. He died a hero, the man he always had been deep down. Your heart broke for Pepper, who had lost the love of her life, and for Morgan who would grow up without him.

The first thing Maria asked when the avengers began to gather back at shield was where Natasha was. You nearly started crying again. "Oh Maria.... I" you couldn't bare to say it. "I am so sorry I am so so sorry she-"

Steve finished your sentence for you, his voice colder than you’d ever heard it, "Natasha is dead."

°°°

Maria grieved almost exactly as Natasha had. She threw herself into work, focusing most of her time on catching up on the 5 years she missed. She moved back into your apartment, a place you hadn't slept in in almost 2 months. Ever since your incident Sharon had essentially held you hostage in her house, only letting you leave by yourself for work.

The universe really was fucked up. You thought to yourself. The thing you'd been wishing for since the snap had come true. Maria Hill was home, the other half of your heart. Her muscular arms wrapped around you at night and her brunette hair tickled your nose when you hugged her. But Natasha left to make sure Maria could return. Your heart was still broken. Still incomplete.

Now it was Maria that needed to be held together. You knew how to hold her carefully so she wouldn't break because by now you were somewhat of an expert on grieving the deaths of your lovers.

That doesn't mean it didn't hurt like hell to see Natasha's leather jacket sit unused on her hook. To see her red toothbrush on the corner of the counter. To feel her side of the bed cold and empty. But somehow you were going to have to live with that.

°°°

It was a Monday morning when Maria got the call.

"Hill speaking" she said in her stern tone. "Hi Bruce." She spoke curtly, but with a warmer tone at the man's voice.

"Why do I need to get down there on a Monday morning, my day off my I remind you" Maria sounded slightly annoyed at whatever the doctor had suggested.

"I-" she sat up suddenly. "I'll be right there. Yes I'm bringing her. Okay goodbye" Maria hung up and swung her legs out of the bed.

"We need to go to Avengers headquarters now. There's something going on with the mission" Maria said as she tugged on a pair of jeans and a tshirt.

°°°

You sat anxiously next to Maria at the edge of the forest. Steve was due to come back 2 minutes ago but apparently an unannounced change had been made in the plans.

"Someone's coming through Scott throw the breaker quickly!" Bruce shouted.

A loud buzzing filled the clearing before a small figure appeared on the platform before them. But it was not Steve. No this person was much shorter, and her long red hair faded into blonde-

"Natasha?" You said, incredulously. The redhead turned around. She immediately sprinted towards the two of you and pulled you both into a tight embrace. "I thought I'd never see you again" she mumbled into your shoulder. "Either of you."

°°°

All three spots in the king bed were full again. No toothbrushes were left on the counter, no jackets hung limply on hooks. The house had life breathed into it again, but something was off.

Of course it would take time to heal from the trauma you went through. It was not easy by any means. You wanted to be happy and back to normal the second your home was alive again but a terrible voice in the back of your head reminded you that they could leave again. You could end up alone again.

You had nightmares nearly every night. Images of your girlfriends dead or dying plagued your unconscious mind. Maria and Natasha held you close and comforted you after every single one; They let you cry silently into their chests, not saying a word about your dreams, but silently they worried about you.

°°°

"Hey Maria?" Sharon stuck her head in the assistant director's office "can I talk to you?" Maria nodded and gestured towards the chair across from her. It was clear that Sharon was nervous by the way that she picked at the leather chair's arm.

"Listen Maria.... I don't know how to say this but when you and Nat were gone some things happened with y/n" Maria's brow immediately furrowed. You hadn't mentioned anything happening in the few months you were alone. "What kinds of things?" She questioned further.

"I'm not at liberty to say, especially not without y/n's permission....you have to ask her yourself." Sharon let out a deep breath. "But please tread carefully, she might seem okay but you and Natasha know just as well as I do that she's not." Sharon pulled herself up from her chair and patted Maria's hand before leaving the office.

°°°

TRIGGER WARNING**

"Y/n? Are you home yet?" Maria called into the apartment. "Yep I'm in the living room!" You replied.

"Hey babe" you smiled at Maria when she walked in. Natasha smiled from her spot next to you where she was sitting, a book in hand.

"Can I ask you something? About when Nat and I were gone." Maria made her way to the spot on your other side and sat down.

"Oh..." You stiffened. Shit. "Yeah of course" Natasha set her book down and turned to look at you as well.

"Sharon mentioned today that something happened in the few months that you were alone... What was it?" Maria continued.

You drew a shaky breath. It was better to just tell them than to lie. "FRIDAY can you pull up my medical records please?" You asked the robot. "Of course miss" they replied, opening the files on your tablet.

"You remember how I told you tony had installed FRIDAY in here when I was alone to check on me?" Your girlfriends nodded. "There's more to the story than just that" you whispered.

You set the tablet down on the table. "He was worried about me after I....." You gestured at the tablet.

Natasha and Maria both leaned closer to read the information on the device. "Checked into GWU hospital on April 3rd for...suicide watch?" Natasha turned to you, clearly shocked.

You hung your head in shame. "I'm sorry. I am so sorry." A tear fell from your eyes. "After you both left... I didn't cope. I fell into a hole and I didn't want to get out. I was so depressed and alone." You drew in a shaky breath. "I know it's stupid and I'm not proud to admit it but-"

Natasha pulled you into her chest. "I love you so much and I am so sorry you had to go through that. All of that"

Maria stared dumbly at the tablet. Tears were beginning to pool in her blue eyes. You turned to look at her "Maria I-"

She cut you off with a kiss. Her hands came up to stroke your cheek. "You are so strong. So unbelievably strong y/n. There is nothing in the whole fucking universe that could tear us away from you again."

°°°

Slowly things returned to normal. All three of your jackets were strewn across the house, the smell of home cooked dinner hung in the air every night, and you, Natasha and Maria fell into bed together as if no time at all had passed. Laughter rang through the halls and naps on the couch became a common place as they always had been. Some nights were spent cuddled in bed while others were spent with your legs around Maria's waist with Natasha's lips on your sensitive neck.

Life was still hectic and it always would be. Maria was still fury's second in command, Natasha was still an avenger (even if she had been taken off the front lines of duty) and you were secretary of state. But none of that mattered because everyone was home.

#natasha romanoff #natasha romanov #maria hill #avengers #avengers imagine #avengers imagines #maria hill imagine #natasha romanoff imagine #avengers x reader #natasha imagine #natasha x reader #maria hill x reader #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers imagine #sharon carter #sharon carter imagine #wlw imagine #my writing #imagines #x reader #i hope this is like even halfway decent...