#I get not everyone is good with sad people but like um isn't really that difficult not to be bitchy

[im-sleepdeprived]

Crazier • Pt. 3

pairing: mcu!peter parker x reader

a/n: ITS FINALLY HERE omg I loved writing this series so much i had a blast. thank you for everyone who was asking me about part 3 because it felt amazing knowing you enjoyed it as much as me😭💕💕 i hope you enjoy !! (beware, she is long)

warnings: some angst thrown in here and there, fluff (later), mentions of breakups, mentions of cheating, very very brief mention of suicide ( someone mentions and old author who offed themselves), me not knowing anything about theater (I apologize in advance), glitter

read part 1 here & part 2 , masterlist

"And when we got the chair, Brad made me sit in it and he pushed me around the whole school!" You were telling Spider-Man about your day, and as always, he listened politely, only chiming every now and then. 

"Wow, you and this Brad guy sure did a lot together today, huh?" He said, and even with the voice changer, you could tell he sounded a bit off. "I mean yeah! He's a great guy, way cooler than I originally thought.” You told him, making him grind his teeth hard, not that you saw that. 

"Actually I'm a little upset that the play is about to come to an end." Your voice gets a little softer as you confess what's been on your mind today. "The rehearsals have been a blast, and the people are amazing and it's been such a good distraction from everything. I'm really sad to see it go," you looked down at your hands. 

Peter took one look at your expression and knew there was something else you weren't telling him. "Well what kinds of things do you need a distraction from?" he asked carefully.

"Um," you looked anywhere but at him, "well, my parents have been fighting a lot lately and it's just been really hard to be around the house, everything's so tense."

His lips parted but nothing came out. He knew about your parents, of course, whenever things got bad you'd always run over to his place to hang out. But now you couldn't do that anymore, so you were just looking for any way to avoid coming home for as long as you could. 

"And of course, there's that whole breakup." you continued. "But I've been pretty good at ignoring that so far, and I think that's just the way I'll keep going." You drummed your fingers on your thigh as you stared into nothing.

"Do you really think that's the best way to go about it?" He asked hesitantly. "Maybe you shouldn't just completely ignore something like that."

You gave him a questioning look, "And why wouldn't I want to forget about it? Isn't that what you're supposed to do eventually after a breakup?"

"Yeah, eventually," he repeated, "but wasn't that relationship a big part of you? Ignoring everything isn't gonna make all your feelings go away. You have to face your emotions, embrace them, and go through the motions before moving on."

He hated that you seemed to be fine all of a sudden. That you were getting so close with this Brad guy all of a sudden. It might've been selfish, but Peter didn't wanna see you moving on just yet, he still had a tiny hope in the back of his brain that you might take him back if he waited till just the right time. But the more you kept talking, the more that tiny hope diminished. 

You snorted, "Ok Dr. Spider-Man, I'm not sure a guy running around New York in a bright onesie is qualified to give out relationship advice, but you do you.”

He couldn't help but let out a laugh. "I'll let you know I give out great relationship advice and I'm not wearing a onesie," he huffed. "It's a super suit."

That just made you laugh harder, "Yeah, sure, whatever dude."

"So you and your team won?" he asked. He wasn't about to waste the only time in the day when he got to speak with you being jealous. He was gonna keep this conversation going. Try his best to give you what he never could as Peter. 

"Yes!" you beamed. "Oh and look," you scrambled around looking for the crown you had received after you won. You had brought it up with you just so you could show him. 

You put it on and straightened your posture, "We were rewarded with these fabulous crowns.”

Spider-Man let out a loud laugh. "Wow, you look like true royalty."

"Don't I?" you grinned. "I always wanted to be a princess when I grew up, so this is very fitting for me." You tapped the crown lightly and grinned at him.

Peter was sure he was grinning like a lovesick idiot. He remembered you telling him this, your crazy childhood dream during one of your late-night talks. He truly believed that if anyone in this whole world were some kind of royalty, it would be you.

“Just like Rapunzel.” He murmured. Your head perked up at that. “Oh my god,” you rush, “YES! Holy shit! She was my absolute favorite as a kid, how'd you know that?”

He fumbles a little but quickly finds himself. “You were humming ‘I See The Light’ a couple days ago. It was an educated guess.” You can hear the grin in his voice. “Glad to know I got it right though.”

You laughed a little and settled back down. “Dude, I'm not kidding. I used to eat yellow flowers as a kid 'cause I thought they’d give me magic hair.”

At that, Peter loses his mind. He’s cracking up and you're joining in beside him. This, he thinks to himself. This is what he’s been missing. This is how things should be. He can't help himself, the words are leaving his mouth before he can even gather his thoughts.

“So what about your ex? How’ve things been going with him?” Nice going dumbass. She's never gonna wanna talk with you again if you keep mentioning her ex-boyfriend.

You looked at him weirdly and started twisting the ring on your finger. “Why do you wanna know?”

“I-just I…” he scratched the back of his neck, “Well actually, I'm going through a breakup too, right now, and I guess…I don't know, hearing you talk about it, about him, makes me feel less alone.”

Peter Parker feels like shit. He feels like a total asshole. And yet, he doesn't feel bad enough to stop, to come clean. Not yet at least. He tried making himself feel better by thinking, ‘Well it's not a lie. I am going through a breakup. She just doesn't know with who.’

You stared up at him, shocked. He never shared anything about himself. Not a thing. You two joked back and forth but you were usually the one sharing personal issues (or triumphs, like today). You start to wonder what his personal life looks like. He can't be that much older than you from what you can tell by his sense of humor and some of his references. This man, no, boy, who spends practically all his time running around one of the most popular cities in the world, saving lives and changing them, is going through a breakup. And he’s currently sitting on a rooftop with you and talking about it.

You blew out a long breath. “If Spider-Man can’t find love, none of us stand a chance.”

He let out a soft laugh at that. “Ah, I wouldn't say that. I definitely have my fair share of flaws. And then some.”

You shake your head, “I'm sure the good outweighs the bad. I mean, come on,” you gestured towards him.

He laughed again. “So tell me, you still see him every day, right?

You nodded, deciding that if this made him feel less alone, you could do this. 

“Is it hard?”

You shrugged, “Honestly, I have no idea. I’ve been avoiding him like the plague. I’ve only run into him once and it was when me and another friend went to grab ice cream at our old hangout spot. I couldn’t look at him. I haven’t spoken to him since everything and I don’t really want to. Not anytime soon.”

He sighed. Of course, you didn’t wanna speak to him as Peter. He’d totally fucked you over, he’s lucky he found any kind of loophole at all because he really doesn’t think he can handle not speaking completely. 

“How do you think he feels?” He has no clue where the question came from but now that he’s asked, he can’t help the curiosity bubbling in him.

You run a hand through your hair and sigh, “I have no idea. One second he’s avoiding eye contact in the school hallway and the next, he’s staring daggers at me in an ice cream shop. He’s weird.”

Spider-Man chuckled lightly, “Yeah, he sounds like he is.”

“Do you see your ex a lot?” You hope he doesn’t see it as prying, you just want to see how similar your situations are. 

“Yeah, actually, I do.” He nods but says nothing else. 

“Is it hard?” You ask softly. 

He nods again, keeping his eyes low. “Crazy hard. Especially when I know everything is my fault.”

“Do you think she’d ever forgive you?” He only shrugged. “Do you want her to forgive you?”

He looks up at you, “Would you ever forgive your ex? After whatever it is that he did, I mean.”

You took a moment to think. “I don’t know. I think it’s different. I mean, I don’t know what happened between you guys, but I think with Peter and I, I think he was starting to lose interest.”

He can feel his heart drop. “What? Why would you say that?”

“Yeah,” you continued, not taking notice of the spider slightly freaking out beside you, “he just stopped caring. Stopped showing up, and stopped listening. If I didn’t know any better I’d actually think he’d cheated on me.”

“No way! I mean-,” he cleared his throat a little, trying not to sound as anxious as he felt, “Do you… do you actually that he did? Cheated, I mean. Do you seriously think he cheated on you?”

Please say no, please say no, please say-

“No, of course not,” you told him honestly. “Peter’s a lot of things, but he’s not a cheater. I’d accuse him of that.” You paused for a moment. “But there was something…I don’t know what. There was something he wasn’t telling me.”

He let out a breath of relief. Thank god, he doesn’t think he could’ve handled knowing you thought of him that way. And it’s true, he would’ve never stooped so low. As for the ‘something’…

“Say he were to show up, right now, knocking on your door. Begging to have you back and swearing that he’s changed. Would it work?” He asked half serious and half joking.

You laughed a little, “No, but it’d probably piss off my parents.”

He grinned beside you, his mask shifting slightly at the movement. “Aw come on. Not one for big romantic gestures?” He nudged your shoulder a little.

You smiled but your expression fell as you thought about his words some more. “No, I’m just not one for empty promises. Which is all he had to give me after a while. He used to be amazing, he used to be the perfect boyfriend. The Peter I knew disappeared and I wasn’t a fan of the one who replaced him.”

You look up at him and grin. “If there’s any chance of anything being repaired between us. Even a friendship. He’s gonna need to get his shit together.”

“So he cheated on her, which fueled her depression, and ultimately led to her suicide. And that wasn’t enough so he burned her most of her work, and profited off of the rest of it after she died!”

This is what your mornings looked like lately. Hanging out with MJ so much had been…interesting to say the least. There was always something you could learn from her. Currently, she was telling you all about some ancient female author’s shitty husband as you waited beside her locker while she grabbed everything she’d need for her next class. 

“Every article online about it says ‘allegedly’ but fuck that. It’s totally the truth,” She finished. 

“God. That sounds awful,” you grimaced. “Whatever happened to him? Didn’t they have kids?”

“Oh, he married someone, won a ton of awards everyone loved him. And yes, a son, who also dies by suicide, and a daughter. I'm pretty sure she writes kids' books now.”

You sucked in a breath. “Holy shit. And where did you learn all this?”

She shrugged. “I read a lot.”

“Right,” you nod, unable to completely shake off the grossness that story left you feeling. “So,” you started, hoping to change the subject. “What do you have next again?”

“Biology. But I think we have a sub today, so that’ll be fun.” She slammed her locker shut, leaned on it slightly, and turned toward you. “What about you?”

You shook your head at her, “Free period. I was gonna catch up on my reading for AP Lit. Hey,” you wondered aloud, “is it that sub that marks people tardy even if they’re a second late? I can’t stand him.”

She sprung up. “Shit. Shit. Fuck,” she rushed out. “It is. And I can’t get another tardy otherwise I get detention. Again. And my parents would kill me.”

You nodded, completely understanding. “Okay. Well, I’m just gonna go grab my stuff and head to the library. See you later!”

“Bye Y/N/N!” She yelled over her shoulder, already halfway down the hall. 

You laughed lightly before heading to your own locker. You opened it and grabbed your bag when you felt a tap on your shoulder. 

You slam your locker shut and turn around, only to come face to face with Brad. “Hey, Brad!” You grinned. 

You’d never really noticed Brad before. You never had anything against him, you both just ran in different crowds. Even after you both started working on the play, you were friendly with each other but it never went past a simple smile, wave, or quick ‘hello’. But in light of recent events, you were really starting to think of him as a friend.

“Hey.” He smiled right back. “Saw you here and thought I’d just stop by and ask how you’ve been.”

You gave him a closed-lip smile as you leaned back against the lockers. “That’s sweet. I’ve been okay, long morning though. What about you?”

He nodded. “Same. Stayed up pretty late last night going over my lines.”

“Really? Don’t really think you need that. I’ve seen you at rehearsals, you’re a natural Brad.”

“Yeah? You think?” He grinned wide at your compliment and ran a hand over his hair. “I’ve got ‘em memorized and all, but I just wanna make sure I know them, y’know?”

You nodded. He wants to make sure his delivery is as good as his memory. That’s another thing you didn’t expect from Brad Davis. His passion for theater. 

“Well like I said, I’ve seen you at rehearsals and I mean it when I say I think you’re fine. More than fine actually. So don’t stress yourself out Davis, you’re gonna be amazing.”

He beamed at you like a child. “Thank you Y/N, seriously. You don’t know how much that means.”

You smiled right back at him. “Anytime.”

It was quiet between you two for a bit, and you didn’t really know what to say. You were about to ask if he had a class he needed to get to when, suddenly, he took a few steps closer to you. 

That automatically took any words that might’ve been on your tongue and threw them in the dumpster behind the school. 

“There’s um, there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you, actually.” His voice is softer but, you hear every word and you can almost feel his breath on your face. 

“Oh?” Your voice matches his volume. This can't be happening. He knows you just broke up with Peter. He’s gotta be kidding. Or maybe, he’s about to ask something about the play. Yes, you think, he’s got a question about the play and he’s come to ask me, obviously, because I’m the director. 

The halls are quiet now, everyone else is in class, at the library, or something. It's just you and Brad, standing so close you could count his lashes. 

Just you and Brad. Brad, who won’t stop staring into your eyes for some reason, so you’re just left standing there….you and Brad.

And Peter. 

The sound of squeaky sneakers running down the hall seems to break him out of whatever trance he was held in and he steps back a bit, almost causing you to let out an audible sigh of relief. God, you could just kiss the person who decided to unintentionally interrupt whatever moment was just happening between you two. 

Or not. 

Because when you both turned to see who it was, your heart fell. Peter Parker is standing there, backpack hanging off his elbow, binder bursting with loose papers in hand, and staring at you like a deer caught in headlights. 

For a second, none of you say anything. Brad’s looking confused, staring at Peter. Peter is looking at you, then at Brad, then at you again. And you, well, you’re just wishing the school hallway would split in half and swallow you whole. You’ve run through a few different scenarios in your head, and falling into the earth’s core sounds the most appealing. 

Then Peter moves closer, clearing his throat as he approaches the both of you. “Hey guys, how’ve you been?” He asked. 

Neither you nor Brad replied. 

“Right. Hey man,” he turned to face Brad, his face suddenly serious, “don’t you drive a black BMW? Red rims, red interior?”

“Um, yeah, I do,” Brad answered skeptically. 

Peter blew out a long breath. “Think you might be in trouble dude. I just heard the principal saying he was gonna get it towed, something about you parking wrong.”

“What?!” Brad’s whole demeanor changed on a dime and you almost felt sorry for him. 

Peter held up both his hands. “I’m serious man, that’s what I heard. But don’t ask me,” he pointed to the hall behind him, “go ask Mr. Morita.” 

Brad stared at you for a moment before walking off, mumbling something about ‘another fucking ticket’ as you watched him leave. You almost grabbed his arm like a child, almost asked him to stay, just so you wouldn’t be alone with Peter. 

You swallowed. Brad had finally turned the corner, leaving him officially out of your eyesight and leaving you standing alone with your ex. It’s funny really, how you went from talking about suicidal classic authors with your friend a few minutes ago, to this. 

Yup, the Earth’s core sounds amazing right now.

For all the words he had to say when Brad was here, Peter was awfully silent now, doing that weird stare thing he did in the ice cream shop the other day. But there was no Ned to play polite this time, and no MJ to hold on a leash so she doesn’t bite. It was just you and him. 

And you had no problem running. 

You turned so quick, it took him a second to register the movement, and by the time he did, you were halfway down the hall. He ran after you. 

“Y/N, wait. Please.” He reached out a hand to place on your shoulder. You jerked away, his hand barely brushing your cardigan. 

You’re both standing in the hallway, and you’re still avoiding his eyes when you say, “We’re not doing this.” You shook your head and ran off, leaving a somber-eyed Peter in your wake.

There was no parking violation. Peter lied. But he had to. 

He’d gotten caught up doing some last-minute homework in the library. Spider-Man duties were keeping him busy lately because when he wasn’t fighting crime on the streets of Queens, he was spending time with you. 

He knows it isn’t right, he knows it isn’t fair, but god if it doesn’t feel good. He loves spending time with you and he hates that he can’t do it more often, hates even more that it’s his fault. And he damn sure wasn’t going to cut your meetups short because he had a few math questions waiting to be answered. 

So on his way back, the halls were empty when he suddenly heard a very familiar voice. You. 

But you were with someone. Brad. The thought made him roll his eyes. 

You were currently going off about how great Brad was doing so far in his role in the play you were managing. Stupid Brad, Peter was sure the only reason anything was going right in the planning of the show was because of you, you were the best person they could’ve picked for the job and all Brad had to do was say a few lines. You were the one who dealt with everything else. Brad should’ve been praising you, not the other way around.

He’d heard Brad’s response to your compliments and almost rolled his eyes again until he heard your response. Of course, you were being an absolute sweetheart. You probably had no clue what words like that meant coming for someone like you. You were probably oblivious to your effect on people, as you were probably oblivious to Brad’s true feelings about you.

You both went quiet for a moment, leaving Peter to wonder what happened when he heard Brad’s voice again. 

“There’s um, there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you, actually.”

No. 

No, no, no, no. No. 

If he were totally honest with himself, he knew it was coming. Especially after you told him about your little scavenger hunt around the school, and how well you got along with him, how kind he was being towards you. Brad didn’t just randomly see you in the hall and decide to say ‘hey’. He had class. Peter knew because he was supposed to be in that exact class right now.

He could handle another detention. 

Before he even knew it, he was running down the halls. He had no idea what he was going to do, even less what he was going to say but none of that mattered at the moment. He just had to make sure this didn’t go any further. There was no way he could stand by and listen to you agree to go out with some other guy. 

And then he was standing there, you’d both seen him, and it was too late to turn back. He stared for a minute, noticing how close Brad was standing next to you. His gaze flickered between you and him and all he could think was how wrong it would be for you to end up with someone like Brad. Stupid, stupid Brad, who hung out with all the stupid jocks, and threw those stupid house parties all the time. Who only talked about his stupid car, and what model it was-

An Idea popped into his head. 

He couldn’t help it. Bro Peter stepped out and dealt with Brad, knowing the one thing that would completely get rid of him at the moment. He wasn’t thinking about the consequences. 

As he’d suspected Brad left with almost no hesitation, Peter almost doubling over with how quickly he fell for it. 

And then, he was left with you, and every ounce of confidence, every word in his lifelong vocabulary, crumbled. It never ceased to amaze him how easily you could completely undo him. He was an avenger, for crying out loud, he had literally saved New York and, he didn’t want to sound cocky but, the world. He had faced villains, of all sorts, so despicable, it’s a wonder he’s alive at all. But he did it. 

But you…. He’s never felt like this before. So nervous, anxious, and scared to mess something up when all he wants is to fix it. In the superhero world, stunned silence isn’t an option. One moment of hesitation and everything could go to shit. But now, he’s not sure what the best course of action is. He’s not sure if speaking to you will make things worse, or better. If saying anything at all will give him more of a fighting chance. Was there even any chance of a fighting chance?

He didn’t miss how you hadn’t said a word and all he could think was ‘Please talk! Say something! Give me a hint for what I’m supposed to say!”

He was just stuck in place, staring directly at your face taking in your expression. You wouldn’t meet his eyes and there was no stopping the pang of guilt in his gut. You looked skittish, and it should’ve been no surprise to him when you turned to take off but it still took him a second to shake off that moment. 

Just a second though, because soon he was running right after you. He wasn’t going to let you off so easy this time. 

He’d called for you to stop, reaching his hand for your shoulder in hopes of getting you to listen. The way you jerk back as if his touch might burn you snaps something in him. 

And there they are, your first words to him (Peter him) since the breakup:

“We’re not doing this.”

And you’re already moving away again, already slipping away from him again while his hand hangs in the air. He almost touched you. Maybe it was better that he didn’t because he thought he might’ve never let go. 

He’s not sure if you meant what you told him as Spider-Man. Maybe it was just another one of your jokes. But he’s not ready to give up hope yet. He’ll give you time if that's what you need, he’s just scared of who else might try to make their move during that time. 

For now, he’s just gonna work on getting his shit together. 

And that starts with going to class, and getting his work turned in.

There’s a buzz in the air when you enter the auditorium the next day, that can only be described as highly-caffeinated-extremely-enthusiastic-high-school-theater-kids. You were all feeling the anticipation of your work these past few weeks being shared with all your friends and family. 

You were walking around checking up on the last-minute touchups. You walked up on stage and stopped in your tracks. “Oh my god,” your hand flies up to your mouth, “you guys! This is beautiful!”

The set group (Noah, Lacy, and Jack) all grinned up at you. They all had some form of paint on them. Lacy adorned a pair of overalls that consisted of black and navy blue splatters going up and down the front of her. Jack’s T-shirt looked as if it were being used as a rag for his hands, so there were so many colors intertwining with each other, that you couldn’t pick out a single one. Noah was the messiest of the group, this specific set being mostly his responsibility. The knees of his jeans were stained black, but it didn’t end there. He looked like a tornado of night, with all sorts of shades clinging to any visible part of him. Blues, blacks, indigos, you name it. And they were all gleaming with pride. 

“Hey Y/N,” Noah beamed at you. “We just finished the last backdrop.”

Behind them all was the backdrop which would be used for the last scene of the play. Lexi and Brad (or Stephanie and Gabriel, per the script) would stand in front of it and finally declare their love for one another, commencing their forever after with a passionate kiss. 

You knew it was supposed to be a night sky, but what you hadn’t known was how well of a job they would do. 

You let out a breathless laugh. “I can see that. It's stunning you guys, truly.” Although Midtown High was a school that specialized in the education of science and technology, the students here were extremely in touch with their creative sides as well. And that fact had never been more obvious to you than in that moment. 

“There's still one more finishing touch, and then it’ll be perfect.” Lacy grinned at you before running backstage. 

You were staring at where she'd just been, a furrow in your brows, when Jack nudged you lightly, “Oh, this is what she’s been waiting for since we started.”

Lacy came back, almost tripping over herself with how fast she was running. She held up a jar that sparkled in the auditorium lights as she moved it around, “Glitter!”

You grinned and clapped your hands together, “Oh I’m so happy I get to be here for this.”

Noah and Jack stood to the side while you and Lacy approached the large backdrop from the side. She made quick work of unscrewing the top and setting it beside her. She leaned over slightly and tilted the jar a tad before sprinkling it over the spacious work of art. 

If sprinkling glitter were a profession, Lacy would be a pro. 

You quickly figured out why she was so excited about this step, and it wasn’t just the glitter. Adding the glitter gave the scene more life. It made it look as if it were real, and you were looking at a sky bursting with sparkling stars.

 After getting the area in front of her, she turns to you, holding out the jar. “Here! Give it a go.”

You stared a her a bit before quickly shaking your head, “Lace, I never thought someone could be good at sprinkling glitter, yet here I am. You were like a freaking fairy! I’d totally ruin it, and I can’t do that to you guys.”

You held your hands up and started backing away slowly. You could hear Jack and Noah laughing behind you. 

Lacy just rolled her eyes with a smile stuck on her face. “Nonsense, Y/N, you’re a pro at everything you do,” she lowered her voice a little, “like that scavenger hunt?”

You gave her a look before turning around to make sure Mrs. Lightbody was nowhere around. “None of that,” you hiss, “that was a one-time thing! And it was a group effort!”

“Oh come on,” Noah this time. “We all know you had the hardest list of the bunch. Seriously Y/N, if Brad hadn’t shown me the list, I never would’ve believed that you did all that.”

Jack nodded. “Honestly, me and Lace wrote that as a little joke, like, ‘Hey, what if we were really wild with this? What would we do?’ And you came and proved us all wrong.”

Lacy hummed her agreement, “What they said, exactly. And this is just a bit of glitter. No big deal!” She grabbed your arm and pulled you towards her. 

You laughed lightly, feeling yourself grow a little flustered under their praises. You grabbed the jar of glitter from Lacy and went to work, being extra careful so you don’t ruin all their hard work.

“This is good glitter,” you say softly, completely concentrated on the task at hand. 

“Oh my gosh! I know right!” Lacy practically squeals her response. You laughed but could hear Noah groaning behind you. You finish with the glitter, screwing it shut before turning back to face him. 

“There’s no such thing as ‘good glitter’,” He did air quotes on that last part, sounding extremely frustrated and something told you this wasn’t the first time they had this conversation.

“Yes, there is! She just said so!” Lacy was standing her ground. Suddenly, she turned towards you, “Y’know who can settle this? Lexi. Go find her Y/N, take the glitter, and ask her what she thinks. She’s gonna agree with me, I can already feel it.”

You held in a laugh. “Sure thing Lace.” You turn to go find your other friend and as you're walking away you can still hear them arguing, Noah not convinced that glitter could be good or bad. It’s just glitter. 

You walked around the auditorium looking for Lexi and failing to find her. You started asking around, feeling sure that someone had to have seen her. You knew she was here, having seen her enter at the start of rehearsals. Walking around the front of the auditorium, peering down aisles, you were about to go check backstage when you heard a Brad Davis.

Now you’re not sure why, you didn’t do anything wrong after all, but a panic settled in you. Next thing you knew, you jumped into one of the aisles and crouched down. 

He was walking up the main row between the chairs, script in hand, talking to someone beside him who you couldn’t see. They were moving closer to you. Shit. 

In a rush, you start crawling, crawling, down to the opposite side of the aisle they were approaching. You were almost out, but you accidentally pulled down one of the chairs that are built to automatically flip up. Not a loud noise, but loud enough. You wince but don’t stop until you're sitting against the side of the row of chairs, out of their sight. 

You could hear the chatter stop and the footsteps slow. You sucked in your breath and folded in on yourself even more. You were already coming up with a cover for yourself. 

‘Oh, hey Brad. Yeah, I’m on the floor. Not avoiding you or anything, just….decided to see what the view of the stage would be like from here. Not good!’

It sucked and you really hoped you wouldn’t have to use it.

It seemed as though your luck for the day hadn’t expired because you heard them mumble amongst themselves and move on. After a few moments, You let out a sigh of relief and started crawling down towards the stage. You weren’t risking getting seen just yet.

You were starting to like Brad, you really were! But after recent events you had started to think the interest he’d taken in you wasn’t the same as the platonic one you’d taken in him. And you were bad at confrontation or being put on the spot. Obviously.

Plus you figured he’d want to talk about that weird moment with Peter in the hall the day before and you’d rather pretend that didn’t happen at all. Even you didn’t know what that was. 

Moving slowly, you kept your head down, trying to reach the stage so you could just bolt behind the curtains. Suddenly, a pair of pointed-toe black flats came into your view. You paused and slowly looked up. In front of you stood Ms. Lightbody. 

“Hi.” You said meekly. She looked down at you with a furrow in her brows, “Hello Miss Y/L/N. May I ask what you’re doing?”

You fumbled for a moment but finally found yourself. Clearing your throat, you stood up and dusted yourself off. “I dropped an earring.”

Way better than that other bullshit you were thinking of. 

She stared at both your ears, which adorned a pair of earrings you never took off. “Oh?”

“I’ve already put it back in,” you explained to her lamely. She gazed somewhere behind you and you followed her stare. Brad and his friend were still walking up and down the main row, lost in some conversation. You gulped, if she had seen you earlier, it would’ve been fairly obvious to her the real reason behind your little floor exploration. And that was just embarrassing. 

She hummed in response, “I see.” Her voice carried some tone of understanding and you felt yourself run hot with embarrassment under her gaze. 

“Did you need something, Miss?” You rushed out quickly, hoping to change the subject. 

“Yes,” she focused her gaze on you now, and if you didn’t know any better, you’d say there was a sprinkle of amusement in her eyes. 

Ms. Lightbody was a newer addition to Midtown’s staff. She came in to replace the school’s previous drama teacher, and she also subbed at times. Most of the student body disliked her, thinking her short-tempered and strict but you knew that was far from the truth. It seemed this play helped you better understand your peers and superiors alike. She was an amazing teacher and, contrary to popular belief, she wasn’t an impatient maniac who didn’t have the skill set to teach. She was always willing to help someone who didn’t understand, but what she didn’t tolerate was purposeful incompetence.  

“Lexi is in one of the rooms backstage, I need you to go find her and tell her there’s one more scene we need to rehearse.” She paused and looked behind you again. “And I suggest you get to that soon because I think your friend, Mr. Davis, has spotted you.”

You blanched, unsure whether to dwell on the fact that she knew, or that Brad had spotted you. You turn slightly only to see Brad already looking towards you. 

You quickly snapped your head towards the lady in front of you again. “On it!” You told her, not waiting for a response before shooting up the stage and behind the curtain. 

You could’ve sworn you heard her laugh. 

You were backstage looking for Lexi. It wasn’t like her to stay tucked away like this, since rehearsals had started she was always ready for anything, talking things over with the other cast members, ready for criticism but rarely needing it. There was probably no one on the cast who was as excited as her. 

“Lex, you here?” You whispered softly. Behind the stage was empty and dark. You walked around carefully, trying not to accidentally trip on anything of the string or left-out equipment. All of this was going to need to be changed before tomorrow evening. 

Suddenly, so quiet you could barely hear it, was a shuffling noise. You looked around for some switch, finding it on the wall to your left. You switched it on and the action earned you a hiss from someone a little further in the room. 

You turned quickly, finding Lexi sitting at one of the small makeup desks, hands coming up to cover her face as if she were some vampire. 

That worried you. 

You rushed to her, placing a soft hand on her shoulder. “Lex,” your tone was quiet so as not to disturb her anymore. “What’s wrong? Are you sick?”

She looked up at you, hair disheveled, face a little pale, and eyes tired. “No, no I’m fine.” She shook her head but you weren’t convinced. 

You moved to sit at the desk next to her. “Okay,” you said softly, “then why are you sitting back here?”

She sighed a little. “I’ve just had a small headache since lunch. But I’ll be okay really. 

Your frown only deepens. “Did you eat today? Drink water?”

She nodded then rubbed her temples a little, shutting her eyes as she did so. “It’s probably my fault, I didn’t sleep well last night and I’m just tired.”

Her eyes snapped open and she looked more alert now. She clasped her hands together and smiled at you. “So wake me up Y/N/N. Tell me something interesting.”

Skeptically, you eyed her up and down. “Are you sure that's all? Should I take you to see the nurse?”

She shook her head again, her hair flying around her face as she did so. “No. I’m actually feeling better already, talking to you. I think the smell of Noah’s Axe Body Spray was just really setting everything off.” She gestured her hands around herself. 

You laughed, glad to see her acting like herself again. “But seriously,” she said, putting a hand on your knee. “Talk to me, it’s waking me up. How was your day?”

You let out a breath and leaned back in the chair, looking up to the ceiling. “Brad asked me out.”

She gasped so loud, you started up in your seat. “Shut up. Shut up!”

Smiling, you shook your head. “Well not yet. But I know it’s coming, you know what I mean? He keeps trying to get me alone, and he gets really close and starts staring into my eyes and everything. But he keeps getting interrupted.”

She gasped again, softer this time, and held her hand to her chest. “Oh my god. That’s so cute! Are you gonna say yes?”

You stilled for a moment. Were you going to say yes? You’d figured out what was most likely coming your way, but you hadn’t really thought of how to handle it. You couldn’t crawl across floors to avoid him forever. That would make graduation very awkward. 

And at the same time, you didn’t want to reject him. Brad was sweet, maybe not the type of person you usually went for, but he had his own things. Maybe you needed something new, something different. 

But something in your gut was telling you maybe you shouldn’t go out with someone who made you panic-crawl on the floor just to avoid having a conversation with them. 

Not to mention, you just weren’t interested in him like that. At all.

Lexi was going on about something or other, seemingly fine at the moment. “I totally knew he was into you. I mean, that whole picking you up in the library thing?” She shook her head. “Not just a platonic thing.”

You laughed loudly and stood up. You held out a hand for her to take. “Come on Lex, everyone’s looking for their star.”

She took your hand and stood. “I bet they are, I’ll have to apologize for hogging you from them.”

You laughed again and started pushing her towards the front stage. “Oh! I almost forgot to tell you! We’re playing with glitter!”

The rest of the day went by smoothly. You, Lexi, and Lacy applied the finishing touches to the backdrop. As Lacy had guessed, Lexi agreed with her. Lacy went on about all the qualities the perfect glitter should consist of; ‘catches the light, soft, and dustable.’

You were sure that last one wasn’t even a word but Noah gave in eventually and let the girls have their win. But that wasn’t enough for the three of you. Not wanting to put the glitter away just yet, you started sprinkling it on each other. 

Word spread across the auditorium like wildfire, and soon, a line started forming on the stage to get glitter sprinkled on you, boys and girls alike. Ms. Lightbody shut that down quick.

You stuck to avoiding Brad for the rest of the day. It wasn’t hard, you were both busy, him being one of the leads and you helping with a little bit of everything and making sure everyone stayed in order (with the exception of the glitter fiasco). 

At the end, Ms. Lightbody had gathered you all around to talk about how tomorrow was going to go. She went over the basics, what time the show was going to start, and what time you all had to be there. It was things you all already knew but it was good to go over. In the end, you thought she looked a little sad, and apparently, you weren’t the only one because someone else pointed it out. That made everyone jump and you all pulled her into a group hug. This little group had become like a crazy family and you were forever grateful you had a chance to be part of it. 

You left quickly after that, wanting to get out before Brad offered to walk you home or something. You said bye to your friends, taking extra time with Lexi. She had been more reserved after you two talked, not as tired as you’d found her backstage, but still not quite herself. You told her to get lots of sleep tonight. She was needed tomorrow

Now, you were sitting on the rooftop ledge, kicking your feet as Spider-Man sat next to you.

“Are you excited?” He asked. 

You nodded, smiling. “Very. We’ve all been working really hard for this. And you should see how great a job everyone has done. I can’t wait to see it all put together finally.”

“I’m sure you’ve done a great job,” he nods. “I really wish I could be there. You’re gonna need to take some videos for me. Show me afterward.”

You grinned wide. “Seriously? You’d wanna see?”

“Heck yea I wanna see,” he said, voice serious.

“Okay.” You nodded. “I’ll take plenty of videos, don’t worry.”

“Thank you.” He said, raising a hand a ruffling your hair. You laughed and slapped his hand away. He stared at you a little before asking, “What’s in your hair?

You grinned wide. “Glitter.”

He shook his head, laughing. “I don’t even wanna know.” You giggled beside him. 

 “Are your friends going to be there?” He asked.

“Um,” you say, still smiling. “Yeah, I think so. They said they will, and I think it’ll be fun.” MJ had told you she was definitely going to be there, she couldn’t wait to make fun of the kids in the play, she’d already bought her ticket. Ned said he wanted to see it as well, and Peter…well, after recent events you couldn’t think of any reason he’d be there. He probably wouldn’t be able to find the time in his busy schedule, even if you two were still together. So it was better like this. 

“What about your parents? Are they gonna try to make it?”

A beat passed before you replied. “No,” you shook your head. “I don’t think they’re gonna be there.”

He was quiet for a moment, not sure what to say. He almost regretted asking. 

“But it’s okay,” you said, your voice so soft, it took everything in him not to reach over and pull you into his arms. “I wasn’t expecting them to anyway. I have my friends, that’s enough.” You cleared your throat and wrapped your arms around yourself. 

He watched you for a bit and it hit him then, just how strong you were. How much you had on your plate at the moment. How little you let it show. 

Your parents were basically roommates to you, you barely saw them, they were just there. The play you were managing? While everyone else had one job, one task they needed to focus on and get done, you were involved in everything. He remembered you mentioned to him a few weeks ago something about your phone blowing up since planning started. He never thought much of it then. 

The more he thought about it, the more he realized you were always doing this. When it wasn’t the play it was something with your family, or tutoring other kids at school. And on top of all of that, you were always available for your friends whenever they needed you, and your grades never slipped. Your essays and tests were used by your teachers as examples. He always knew, but not really. It was painfully obvious right now. And it was even more obvious to him that he never helped. He should’ve helped make things easier for you, because he loves you, because he cares for you. But all he did was add to your plate. The thought made him feel sick. 

“I’m so sorry,” Even through his voice-changer you could hear the sincerity, the despair in his voice. Your brows furrowed. 

“You don’t need to apologize, it’s not that big of a deal. I swear,” you told him sincerely. 

He nodded but the movement almost looked forced. “How have you been?”

You paused. “Good,” you nodded, as if confirming your own statement. “Busy, but good.”

“Have you taken a moment to breathe recently? Just relax yourself for a few seconds?”

You were taken aback by his question. No one had ever asked you that. “I- I don’t think so,” you replied quietly. 

“Alright, that’s okay, we can do that together. Here,” he held out both his hands, palms up. “put your hands in mine.”

You followed his lead and placed your hands in his. The material of his suit felt smooth, but thicker than it looked, and you were surprised to see how well your hands fit together. 

“Close your eyes.” He said, and you saw the whites of his mask flicker shut. You followed his lead. 

“Great. Now big breath, through your mouth.” You sucked in a handful of air, the sound ringing out like a quick gasp. 

His hands gave yours a gentle squeeze. “No,” he said, voice soft. You felt your face heat up and you tried again, this time slowly letting the air enter and fill your lungs.

“Now out through the nose.”

You let the air leave you, not even realizing how tense you were until you felt yourself relax. Your eyes fluttered open and you found him already staring at you. His thumbs had started gently caressing your hands and you found you didn’t mind at all.

“A few more times.” He told you, and you nodded at him. You closed your eyes again and repeated your actions from before, more sure of yourself this time.

When you had finished, you opened your eyes again. His eyes were still open and you thought his mask shifted into something like a grin.

“Better?” He asked you, and you smiled, nodding your head. It was crazy to you to think about how over these past few days, that very mask had turned into a comforting sight for you. You really thought of New York’s Spider-Man as a friend. And you hoped he felt the same.

You nodded again, unable to take your eyes off of him. You weren’t even aware you were still holding hands until he removed his from yours. You almost protested, your hands suddenly feeling colder than they ever have. 

But then he brought his hands up to cup each side of your face. 

Oh. 

You were sure you were melting. You couldn’t remember the last time you felt like this, and you couldn’t even see his face! You wished he’d just rip it off, you wouldn’t care who was underneath. 

He brought his face closer and leaned his forehead against yours. Your eyes fluttered shut. You stayed that way for a minute, both of you just enjoying the moment before you decided to speak. 

“Take it off.” You whispered. 

“What?” He asked, his voice matching your volume. You had opened your eyes and you were looking at him now. You could clearly see the eyes of his mask were still closed and you fought off a smile. 

You brought up your hand to his face and traced his jawline. You could feel his jaw flex underneath your fingers and you could’ve sworn you heard him gulp. 

“Take it off.” You repeated, your thumbs now caressing his cheekbones. 

His eyes flew open and he leaned back. “No,” he shook his head, moving even further from where you two were seated next to each other. 

Your brows shot up at his sudden change of demeanor. You wished you hadn’t said anything. “Ok,” you said, voice quiet. “You don’t have to. I’m sorry, I didn’t know. I was just- ugh I’m so sorry.”

“No!” He repeated. “Don’t apologize I- you did nothing wrong.”

But the way he was acting was making you feel otherwise.

“I have to go. Good luck tomorrow.” He said, stood up, flung out his wrist, and started swinging through the buildings faster than you could blink. 

Fuck. 

You were a wreck. 

Everyone was running all over the place, orders being shouted across the entire backstage. Some people seemed to have invited their friends to hang out backstage (which was not allowed). Every corner was packed. And you were in the middle of it all. 

“Y/N!” Ms. Lightbody called for you from across the swarm of bodies. You made your way through everyone, not stopping until you were standing in from of her. She placed a hand on your shoulder and steered you until you were both standing in a corner, as far away from the others as you could get. 

“Miss Walker isn’t here, and it’s starting to become a problem.” She told you, voice serious.

You blanched. “Lexi isn’t here yet?!”

She shushed you. “I don’t want to start a commotion. Things are barely going smoothly as is, and this will not make it better. Everyone will start worrying if they find out their lead hasn’t arrived, and we cannot have that.”

You nodded at her, mind racing. “What do we do?”

She sighed, “For now? Wait and hope for the best, there’s still a bit more time.”

You nodded again and she took a second to look around the room. “What is all this? Half these kids have no business here!” She turned towards you again. “I'm going to try to reach Miss Walker’s mother, deal with all these children Y/N, please. I want them gone by the time I get back.”

She turned to leave before she remembered something that had her turning right back, “You have Miss Walker’s contact information, correct?” You nodded at her again. “Great. Try to get ahold of her, will you? The sooner we figure this out the better.”

“Sure thing Ms. Lightbody.” You told her, waving her off, your voice sounding a hundred times more confident than you felt. 

You watched her walk out the back door to make her phone call, and you paused for a moment, unsure what to do first. You turned and pulled out your phone. Heading for the door Ms. Lightbody just walked out of, you pulled up your message thread with Lexi.

girl WRU !!!

you were needed like 30 mins ago !!!! 

get here-

You bumped into someone, your phone flying out of your hand before you could send that last one. You would’ve been sent flying backward if the person hadn’t gripped your waist tight to keep you steady.

“Woah, careful.”

You’d know that voice anywhere. Peter. 

“Parker,” you said, backing away quickly. “What are you doing here?” And you don’t mean for it to come out as harsh as it did but…there’s just a lot on your plate right now. 

And it seems he can tell. He bent over to grab your phone, placing it back in your hands. “The lady at the office saw me walking by and asked me to drop these off.” He waved a big bag you hadn’t noticed in his other hand. 

You reached for it, saying, “Oh my god, perfect.” At the same time, he asked, “Are you okay?”

You completely ignored him, taking the bag from his hands. Turning around, you caught Jack walking by at just the right moment. “Jack! Here,” you called him over, “Those supplies you guys were asking for.”

“Sweet, thanks Y/N/N!” He said, leaning in to give you a quick hug. You smile but then quickly shove him away, “Thank J, but you really need to go finish. Like, right now.”

He straightened his posture and saluted you. “Ma’am yes ma’am!” He said, then he turned to Peter, who had been watching the whole exchange, “Sup Parker.” He sent a little head nod towards him, as he started walking away. 

Peter returned it, brows slightly furrowed as he looked between the two of you, “Hey man.” 

You started walking around, trying to count up how many people there were who weren’t a part of the cast or crew. 

One, two, three-

You felt a hand placed on your shoulder and you turned quickly, only to see Peter still hasn’t left. 

You looked at him in disbelief. The nerve of this guy. There’s no way he seriously thinks you’re going to talk about the two of you right now, is there?

“How are you?” He asks again and you’ve never found someone dumber than you did right now. 

“Hello?! Things aren’t going too hot in case you can’t tell, and you aren’t exactly helping right now!”

He nodded, “Okay. What can I do to help?”

You scoffed. “I don’t know, leave. It’s so crowded in here and I have to get all these extra people out. Shit,” you smacked your forehead. “I forgot I have to find Lexi. Fuck! And I have to-.”

“Y/N!” Someone shouted your name for the umpteenth time that night. You turned and met Vanessa, one of the people in charge of makeup. 

“We’re out of setting powder.”

“What?!”

She winces. “I know, I’m so sorry. We thought we had enough but then some of the boys were playing and knocked over-,”

You waved her off, not wanting to hear the rest of it. “Okay, okay. Do none of the other girls have any extra? Is no one willing to lend you some?”

She shook her head. “No! I already asked. I don’t know what to do.”

“I’ll get you some.” Peter stepped in. “Just send me a picture of what it looks like and I’ll be back in ten minutes tops.”

Vanessa gasped, “Dude. You’re a lifesaver. Y/N,” she met your eyes, “your boyfriend is a lifesaver!”

“Oh he’s not-,” you started, but she was already walking away. You turned towards Peter, the disbelief on your face getting stronger every time you looked at him today. 

You started shaking your head, “What on earth are you doing Parker?”

“Helping you.” He said as if it were the easiest thing on earth. He wondered if you were making a conscious effort not to say his first name. 

Your head wouldn’t stop shaking left and right. “What? What do you- I don’t-,”

He cut you off, “And I’m gonna get rid of all the people who don’t belong here too.” He looked around the room before looking down at you. “You, just…take care of yourself Y/N. Don’t stress too much, it’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure you even have the time?”

Shit. 

His face fell and you immediately felt guilt seep into your bones. 

“Peter I’m so-,” 

He cut you off again, his voice quieter this time. “No, that was..that was fair. But I mean it.” He raised his voice, sounding more sure now. “I’m going to help you out.”

He stepped away from you suddenly, leaving you standing with your mouth agape. He walked to the end of the room, stopping right before the door. “Alright, everyone! Listen up,” He clapped his hands together, his voice booming around the room. Everyone quieted down to hear him.

“Unless you had some part in putting all this together, I’m going to need you to follow me out right now. Let everyone do their thing, we don’t need to bother them any more than we already have.”

Everyone was still for a second.

“And,” he continued, “Ms. Lightbody gave me permission to start handing out detentions.”

That got everyone moving. Your brows furrowed as a sea of students started moving through the room and out the door. Ms. Lightbody did no such thing. 

Peter stood to the side, holding the door open. It had come down to the last few people and Peter held back a boy. “You,” he told him, “I’m gonna need you to stay outside this door and make sure no one enters unless they’re part of the cast or crew. We can’t have that happening again.”

“Oh shit. Like a bouncer?” The kid asked eagerly.

Peter stared for a bit before he nodded. “Yeah man, exactly. And listen,” he pointed at you, “if you’re not sure, you ask her, alright?”

The boy turned towards you and you offered him a smile. “Damn! She’s smokin’!” He exclaimed. If you weren’t so busy, you might’ve blushed.

Peter narrowed his eyes, and it seemed like he was considering something before he quickly shook his head. He grabbed the boy by the shoulder and placed him on the outside of the door. 

“Vanessa!” He shouted. “Send me a picture of the powder, I’m going right now.”

“Already sent Pete, thanks!” She shouted back, giving him a thumbs up from where she was standing by the makeup chairs. 

Pete? Why would she call him Pete? She doesn’t know him like that. I used to call him Pete-

You stopped your train of thought. You could not afford to think like that right now.

“Perfect.” He said, he made to move away but his eyes met yours and he froze. “I’m gonna…” he trailed off, feet stuck to the ground as his thumb pointed to the door. 

“Of course,” you nodded quickly. “And Peter,” you stop him before he turns to go, “thank you. So much.” You hoped your voice carried the sincerity you felt.

He smiled at you softly, “Anything for you Y/N/N.”

This time, you did blush. You turned away before he could see you and placed a palm on your forehead. 

“Wow,” a voice said from beside you. Brad. “Didn’t know Parker had that in him.”

“Yeah,” you whispered, “me either.”

“Hey, where’s Lexi?” Someone in the room asked. You felt your heart drop. Lexi. You’d completely forgotten about her after that whole thing with Peter. 

You had a show that needed to start in less than an hour and your star still hadn’t shown up. 

You pulled out your phone again, pulling up her contact. You were about to hit the ‘call’ button but right then, Ms. Lightbody walked in. 

She was holding her phone to her ear, and she was staring straight at you, her face full of dread.

“Lexi can’t make it. She’s got some type of flu, she can’t get out of bed. I am on the phone with her mother right now.”

Your jaw dropped. Chatter broke out everywhere. The kids were panicking, wondering what to do now, now that the lead of the whole show wasn’t going to be here.

Fuck. You should’ve known, yesterday when you saw her. But you were stupid enough to believe it was just lack of sleep. You should’ve figured it out faster so you could’ve planned something. Stupid, stupid, stupid-

“Miss Y/L/N.” You looked up when you heard your name. “She’s asking to speak to you.” Ms. Lightbody holds her phone out for you to take. 

Your eyes widen, “Me?”

She nodded, hand still outstretched toward you. You swallowed and walked your way toward her. You reached for the phone and held it to your ear. The chatter around the room stopped, everyone straining to hear what was going to happen next.

“Hello?”

“It wasn’t the Axe Body Spray.”

You barked out a laugh at the unexpected joke. “Lex! Be serious, what happened.”

“I got sick when I got home from rehearsal yesterday, I’ve been asleep since.” It was then that you heard how different her voice sounded. Nasally and broken, like she’d swallowed a lawn mower. 

“My mom’s only woken me up about twice to drink some medicine,” she continued, breaking into a fit of coughing at the end of her sentence. Yeah, maybe it was a good thing she didn’t come.

“Lex,” you repeated, sounding more desperate this time, “what’re we gonna do?”

“Wait,” someone in the room with you starts, “what about her understudy?”

“There is no understudy, dumbass!” Someone quipped right back. 

“You,” Lexi said. 

“Huh?” You replied. 

“You, Y/N.” She repeated. “You need to do it. You need to play Stephanie. No one else could do it. You know all the lines. You know the whole play.”

You paled. “Be so fucking for real with me right now Lexi Walker.”

“I am.” She said seriously. Or, as seriously as she could sound when she had to cough after every other word she spoke.

People were leaning in now, trying to hear what was going on between the two of you. You ignored them, “Lex, there’s no way. You know I can’t do that.”

“Oh my god!” Someone shouted. Lacy. “Y/N! Y/N can do it!”

You shook your head quickly. “No! I can’t!” You replied to her, the phone still pressed to your ear.

“You have to, Y/N, please, for me. You know how much this means to me. You’re the only person I trust,” Lexi begged

There are shouts from your cast-mates now, encouraging you to take the role when that was the last thing you wanted to do.

“Lex, babe,” you tried to reason, “I didn’t rehearse as much as you did! I don’t know it like you.”

“No,” she agreed, “you know it better. All that time you spent, going over every detail of the set, the costumes, the script. It was for this. Now please, you know you can do it.”

You paused. You didn’t want to, but it was really looking like you had no choice. You looked around at everyone in the room, they all worked so hard, hell, you worked so hard to make this happen. You weren’t gonna let it all be for nothing.

You rubbed your temple with one hand, the other holding the phone up to your ear. “Do you guys really think I can do it?” You looked around at everyone, hoping they’d answer honestly.

A chorus of agreement rang out from the group but Ms. Lightbody stepped in. “Miss Y/L/N,” she started, “I know none of this has been ideal. And I know we’re asking a lot. You didn’t come in today expecting to step onto that stage, but right now, that’s what we need. And I think we would all appreciate your help in these unexpected circumstances.”

You stared at her for a moment. You always wondered why she spoke so formally all the time, maybe one day you’ll ask her.

“Sure, I’m down.” You shrugged and everyone started cheering. 

“Oh good,” Lexi sighed, “cause I need to go throw up right now, so bye. Tell everyone to take lots of photos and videos for me please!”

You winced. “We will Lex, you just work on feeling better. Now go, I love you.”

“Love you too babe.” She replied before hanging up quickly. 

“Alright,” Ms. Lightbody started pushing you to the makeup chairs. “Have a seat Y/N. Girls,” she turned toward the makeup crew. “Get started on her, afterward, take her to hair and then, get her into her costume.”

They all chorused an agreement and started fussing over you. You were one of the last people to get ready, everyone one else having already had their turn. 

With so many people working on you, your makeup was done in no time. Soon, only Vanessa was left and she was powdering your face.

“Peter came back?” You asked her once you realized what she was holding in her hands. 

She nodded. “Yeah, a few minutes ago, but he didn’t come in, left the stuff with the dude outside the door who’s calling himself our ‘bouncer’.”

You nodded, “Oh okay.”

“You’ve got a great boyfriend Y/N, seriously. Not many guys I know would help out like that, no matter…”

You zoned out while she was doing the finishing touches on your face. Not many guys you know either, Peter included. Or at least, the Peter you’d come to find yourself in a relationship with. The old Peter, however, would’ve done anything for you, and you for him. You got a glimpse of him earlier tonight and you wondered what it was that triggered that. 

The few moments of silence gave you time to go over everything that's been happening recently in your head. You’ve had a hectic past few weeks, but especially this last week. With the last few rehearsals, everything with Peter, everything with Spider-Man. Oh…

And then there was him…

There was a moment yesterday. You tried to gaslight yourself into thinking you imagined it but you didn’t. It was real. Until you ruined it.

You’d gone to bed late last night, staying on the roof even after he’d left in case he decided to come back so you could apologize again. You’d felt downright terrible all night. And this morning. 

It was none of your business to ask him to take off his mask. Who the hell did you think you were? There might’ve been something before but there was no way…not after the way he reacted last night. You’d pissed him off. And now you’d lost another friend.

“There you go!” Vanessa said, pulling back from your face and grinning. She held up a mirror for you to take a look. “What do you think? I think it matches Stephanie’s description pretty well, no?”

You gasped, “Oh my god Vanessa, this is exactly how I pictured her! When all this is over you have to teach me how to do my eyeliner like this.”

“Deal.” She grinned.

Suddenly, Ms. Lightbody walked by. “Who is that child standing outside the door?” She asked. Vanessa shot you a look and you subtly shook your head at her, and at anyone who turned towards you. 

No one answered her. “He asked me for my ID?!” You choked back a laugh. “He doesn’t even go here!” She continued. Everyone successfully avoided her, playing busy with whatever task they had in front of them. Vanessa kept brushing over your face with a clean brush while you both fought back smiles.

“Y/N!” Ms. Lightbody called. You shot out of your chair and approached her. “Yes ma’am?”

“Is your makeup all done?” You nodded while she examined your face. “Very well, head over to hair, we need everyone ready soon! Curtain opens in 15!”

That last one was directed at everybody and you could feel the shift in the atmosphere. If everyone wasn’t working before, they were now. 

You headed over to hair and let one of the people there pin it up for you. After that, you were held into your costume, your friends pulling on layer after layer before finally, you were completely ready. 

You looked in the mirror. “I look I came out a Jane Austen novel,” you murmured. 

Lacy, who stood beside you, laughed. “And it suits you! You look beautiful Y/N, stunningly classic. Very vintage.” She nodded in approval. 

You turned towards her and smiled, “Thank you, Lace.” You sucked in a breath and ran your hand down the hem of your costume. “I’m nervous,” you admitted shyly. 

“Don’t be,” she replied, voice soft. “Hey, if you could pull off that scavenger hunt, this should be a piece of cake.” She smirked wickedly at you. 

You laughed, “Actually, you’re right.”

“I always am.” she shrugged

“SHOWTIME EVERYONE, GET IN YOUR PLACES!” Ms. Lightbody’s voice boomed across the whole backstage. 

You both looked at each other. “Break a leg.” She grinned at you. 

You grinned right back. You could handle this. 

The anxiety from before had mostly worn off. Now, all you felt were nervous jitters and even a little excitement. Everyone was right, you knew everything about this play like the back of your hand, and you were looking forward to being out there with people you’d come to think of as friends. 

You got into place, standing beside Brad and some of your other cast-mates who were going to be in this first scene with you.

“Hey,” he said, voice low and he looked down at you with a large smile on his face. 

“Hi,” you replied, smiling right back. 

“Don’t think I got the chance to tell you, but I’m really happy you’re doing this.”

“Yeah, I think I am too.”

“Curtain warmers on?” Ms. Lightbody spoke into a little headset. “Perfect. And…action!”

The lights blinded you for a second, once the curtain opened, and you had to stop yourself from turning your face away. In the beat you had before the scene came to life, you chanced a glance at the crowd. You really wished you hadn’t. 

Peter Parker was sitting front row. 

As quickly as you looked, you averted your gaze, but not before you noticed a few things. Beside him sat Ned, and in the row behind them, right behind Ned’s chair, sat MJ. And all three of them had their mouths hanging open. You had to fight down the heat threatening to rise to your face. 

You never told them, hell, you didn’t even know. What were they gonna think? There was no way you could pull this off, you were all fooling yourselves, everyone was wrong and-

The first line was delivered, and it all came to life. 

You were panting, running backstage. There was a small intermission at the moment, and you had just changed your outfit, from the simple gown you were adorning, to a bigger one. This one was more detailed and more eye-catching. It was supposed to be special because it was meant for the last scene of the whole play. The confession. Your kiss with Brad.

In the heat of the moment, you’d forgotten that specific detail. And as you sat down in the makeup chair again and one of the girls reapplied your lipstick, it was all you could think about. 

You had to kiss Brad. And Peter would be sitting front row watching the whole thing. 

That shouldn’t matter. First of all, it was all part of an act. Even if you were still with Peter, (which you weren’t. You had to keep reminding yourself of that little detail) it wouldn’t have mattered because you were doing it for the play. A play you weren’t even planning on being a part of, acting-wise, of course. 

And then there was Spider-Man. If there was anyone you had to be kissing right now, you wished it was him. But there was no chance of that happening after last night. You wondered how he was feeling right now. He’d probably tell you to relax and stop stressing yourself out. 

The thought made you take in a breath through your mouth, and slowly exhale from your nose. Just like he’d taught you. You felt yourself relax and, not for the first time that night, you decided that you needed to just get through tonight. And then you could worry about everything else. 

The girl helping you with your makeup (you didn’t recognize her, but appreciated the help nonetheless) pulled away and smiled. “Alright, I think you’re good to go.” 

“Thank you.” You smiled back and stood from your chair.

Ms. Lightbody approached you, placing a hand on your shoulder, “Come on, Miss Y/L/N. We need to get you in place.”

You nodded as she led you to the wing on the side of the stage, the curtains were still down, and by the time they opened again, you would be standing on the makeshift balcony (built by the props team), soon to be joined by Brad. 

You went to approach the steps of the balcony when you felt her hold you back.

“I wanted to thank you again Y/N. I know we were all planning on Miss Walker doing all this but honestly…I couldn’t be prouder.”

Your heart warmed at her confession. You were upset you didn’t get to see Lexi shine like you’d been planning but you hoped you’d do her proud. You were glad to know you did Ms. Lightbody proud. 

Without saying a word, you throw your arms around her in a warm embrace. She quickly reciprocated. 

“I know we’ve all given you a hard time these past few weeks, and we don’t say it enough but we appreciate you. All of us.”

You both pulled back and her eyes were full of emotion. “Thank you Y/N, truly. Now go, I’ll get Mr. Davis ready.”

You nodded and stepped onto the set, positioning yourself at the end of the balcony. The balcony protruded from the side of the stage and covered a quarter of it. The backdrop you’d been appreciating just yesterday now stood to your side. You saw parts of it glitter from the light leaking in from backstage and you stifled a laugh.

Soon, the curtain opened. You’d grown used to the lights by now, welcoming their glow over your face. You gripped the railing and played broken-hearted, right now, Stephanie and Gabriel had just had a falling out during a ball and you had run out onto the balcony to get some air. 

“Stephanie.” Brad approached behind you, and you turned around in fake shock.

The hardest part about acting, you’d come to find, was keeping a serious face and not laughing at yourself or your partner.

“Leave me be, Gabriel.” You waved a hand at him, turning away. 

He caught your arm and held it gently between the two of you, standing so close, you were trapped between the railing and him.

“I can’t,” he said, his voice strangled. He looked down at you, face so pained, you almost believed him. 

And so it began, the two of you going back and forth, delivering your lines, monologues about your feelings for each other, and how nothing in the world mattered except holding the other person, even for a moment. 

Brad was finishing up, he was pacing back and forth in front of you while you listened intently.

“…And all this, because I love you.” He stopped in front of you now, hands coming up to cup your face. You did your best to get your expression to convey the love you (or Stephanie) were supposed to be feeling and then it happened. 

Brad leaned, crashing his lips onto yours. You throw your arms around him, meeting him just as eagerly, and tried your best not to think about all the people currently watching suck each other’s faces off. One of his hands traveled down to your waist while the other moved from your cheek to hold the back of your head as he dipped you. Cheers broke out across the crowd. 

You two stayed locked together like that for a few moments as the curtains closed, and then you broke apart. You were both panting, faces flushed, but you didn’t have time to think about what just happened. You and Brad had started moving off the balcony and onto the actual stage itself, the other members of the cast and crew joining you to take the final bow. 

You all lined up across the stage, hands interlocked. With you and Brad in the middle, the curtains opened. You could still hear the applause before, but now, it got even louder and you couldn’t help the big smile that overtook your face. People were whistling, and clapping, someone was even throwing roses. You all took a bow together, and rose together, throwing your interlocked hands in the air. 

Your body was buzzing with adrenaline. It was over, you’d actually done it. You could see Ms. Lightbody standing to the side, gleaming with pride at you all. 

Soon, you all let go of each other and started embracing and exchanging congratulations. Brad turned toward you and pulled you into a tight hug, lifting you up a little. You laughed, holding onto him just as tight. The applause seemed never-ending, even as you all started walking off stage. 

Now backstage, there was a buzz in the air. Not the same as a couple hours ago, which had been anxiety and nerves. This was triumph, pride, and adrenaline. 

“Alright everyone,” Ms. Lightbody approached the center of the room once everyone had reconvened. “We’ve finally finished. And it was a hit.”

That caused everyone to start whooping and shouting. She rolled her eyes but even she couldn’t hide the smile creeping onto her face. 

She held up a hand, “Okay. I just wanted to let you all know, how proud I am of each and every single one of you. You all worked so hard to make this happen and you worked through every problem that came your way.” She gave you a pointed look and the cheers started up again. 

You hid your face in your hands as your friends pulled you into side hugs. “And I just wanted to say,” she continued. “We’ve all had a long night. Leave the cleaning for another day, everyone, go celebrate!”

She waved her hands and everyone started cheering again, moving as one to the back door to meet up with their friends and family. 

As soon as you entered the hall you were bombarded by thanks and praises from your friends. You thanked them and threw their compliments right back at them, saying that this whole thing was a group effort. 

You were flying from one group to another, everyone shouting your name. You were currently with Noah, Jack, and Lacy, telling them how good a job they did on the sets when you heard your name being shouted out again.

You turned around and saw MJ. Grinning, you excused yourself from the group and charged at her, pulling her into a hug without giving her any time to protest. To your surprise, she pulled you in just as tight. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She mumbled into your hair. 

“Oh my god,” you started, “MJ it was insane. It all happened so fast, that Lexi got sick, so she didn’t show up! And I knew all the lines and stuff so I had to step in cause no one thought of casting an understudy and-,”

You pulled back from the hug but kept your hands on her shoulders. “Oh my god, what did you think? Was it bad? You can tell me -,”

“No! No way, holy shit Y/N, it was so good!” 

“Seriously?” you smiled at her. “What happened to the whole ‘school productions are so cringe’ mindset?”

“That was before her best friend was starring in one,” said Ned. You hadn’t realized he was standing beside you two, with Peter beside him.

“Don’t worry, Y/N,” He continued. “The show was amazing. And you popping up on stage was a fun surprise.”

You grinned at him. “Thank you, Ned! I’m so happy you all made it.” You looked at Peter and offered him a small smile. He’d really helped you out today, and the fact that he’d made it to the actual show, and stuck it out till the end, meant a lot as well. 

“Oh of course we made it!” Ned cut it, putting your attention back on him. “Petey here wouldn’t shut up about it. Went out and bought you flowers and everything.”

Your mouth fell open at his words, and for the first time, you noticed the large bouquet in Peter’s arms. You saw Peter nudge his friend hard and Ned winced before his face lit up in understanding. He grabbed MJ by the hand (which she quickly yanked back from him) and said, “Ok, well we’re gonna go talk to someone else. Congrats Y/N!” But you didn’t have a chance to reply before he was scurrying off, MJ with him. 

You stared at them for a bit before turning all your attention to Peter. He cleared his throat before saying, “Hey.”

“Hi.”

“These are for you,” he said, holding out the bouquet of fresh flowers. You accepted them from him and brought them up to your nose, taking in a whiff of the sweet scent. 

“My favorite.” You whispered, fingers lightly tracing the petals. 

He nodded. “Yeah, um, I saw them and I thought you might like them. Especially with everything, you know,” he gestured vaguely, “thought you’d like some flowers.”

Your heart warmed at the thought that he saw your favorite flowers while he was out and thought of you. “Thank you, really. But you didn’t have to do that.”

“I wanted to.” He admitted. 

You looked around, unable to meet his eyes. You focused on the floor, “Well thanks Parker, that was really sweet of you.”

He sighed, “Y/N please, I don’t want to-,”

But he got cut off by someone shouting your name. “Y/N!” Brad approaches you two. He looked Peter up and down before turning to you, “Hey, so the whole cast and stuff is going out for ice cream in our costumes, thought it’d be fun. Wanna join?”

Your face lit up, “Of course!” 

He grinned right back at you. “Great. Come on, they’re leaving now.

You turned towards Peter, whose expression looked harder than before. “Listen, thank you so much for your help today, it means a lot. And thank you for the flowers.”

He nodded but his attention was on Brad. He finally turned toward you, his expression notably softening, “Like I said before, anything for you Y/N/N.”

You stayed there for a bit, caught in his eyes, unable to look away. It isn’t until Brad places a hand on your shoulder that you realize you’ve been staring.

“Ready to go?” He asked. You nodded and turned to leave. As you were walking out the door, you turned to look over your shoulder. You weren’t even sure why, but as you did, you caught Peter already staring. You sent him a little wave and he returned it before turning and walking away himself, shoving his hands in his pockets. 

You walked to the ice cream shop with the others, still holding your flowers. And after everything that happened today, all you could think about was Peter. 

You had a blast. The ice cream shop was packed with a bunch of high school kids in old-timesy clothing, laughing and joking with each other. 

Brad had paid for your ice cream, despite your multiple refusals, claiming that they all owed you for stepping in and saving their asses.

“Consider it a thank you for that great kiss earlier.” He winked before walking off. 

That had gotten you to shut up. 

You all sat at tables surrounding each other, even pushing some together. You ate your ice cream in peace, joining the conversation every now and then to make a joke. 

Someone had gotten Lexi on the phone and you all said hello. She congratulated you and you thanked her, letting her know you thought it should’ve been her on that stage instead. She made some joke about ‘if you wanted the whole front row to be covered in vomit, then I totally should’ve been there, you’re right.’ And you all laughed.  

You had noticed Jack and Lacy moved to their own spot across the store. They were laughing together with Jack’s arm around her cocooning them from the world. It seemed they had finally gotten together and you couldn’t be more happy for them.

For some reason, the only thing on your mind was Spider-Man. It was silly but all you could think about was finding a way to make things right with him. It sucked that you had no way to reach him, but you’d decided to wait on the roof tonight, hoping he’d see you while swinging and stop by. Even if he left right after you apologized, you wouldn’t mind. You just wanted to see him. 

You realized how late it was getting, and that it was usually now when you met up with him. So you'd asked Martha, (her mom helped with costumes, but she worked on the props) for a ride back since she had a car and lived in an apartment building near yours. 

She quickly agreed, claiming she was ready to go too, but she had to walk back to the school to grab her car. 

So you’d waited, but you couldn’t fight off your anxiety. Your leg kept bouncing up and down. You stayed like that for a while before Brad put a hand on your knee, stopping the action.

“You alright,” he asked, some sort of half-smile on his face. You looked at him then and thought, I can see why people like you Brad. He was kind, he was funny, he was fairly handsome, pretty popular too. And yet all you could think about was heading back home and waiting for someone you didn’t even really know. 

You nodded, “Yeah, I’m just waiting for Martha to pull up.”

“I could walk you home if you wanted.” He offered. 

You smiled but shook your head, “No, but thank you, I’m kind of in a rush.”

“Everything alright?”

“Everything’s fine.” You assured him. “Just…tired.”

“Yeah,” he nodded at you. “I get that. But hey.”

You looked up at him expectantly. 

“Before you go there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you.”

Your eyes shot open. “Oh?” You said, and it felt oddly reminiscent of that moment the two of you shared in the hall. 

“Yeah. Would you wanna go out with me sometime?”

“Like a date?” You blurted out. Like an idiot, you thought. You knew it was coming and yet you’re acting like he just told you he was Taylor Swift. 

He smiled at you and nodded, “Yeah, like a date.”

Oh Martha, where are you?

You were silent for a few seconds before you cleared your throat. There was no crawling away this time, no Peter running to interrupt. You had to face this. 

“I really like you Brad but…I can’t out with you.”

His expression fell a little, but he didn’t look surprised. “It’s Parker, isn’t it?”

You were taken aback. “Huh?”

He nodded his head towards and flowers lying in your lap, “Parker. I saw you two today. When he was helping before the show, that was all for you. He sat front row before he even knew you were going to be on that stage.”

You blew out a breath and ran a hand through your hair, which you’d taken out of its updo. “I don’t know.” You told him honestly. “I don’t know and that’s the problem. Things are still really weird between me and him, and going out with you? That wouldn’t be fair to me or you.” And the other person you couldn’t wait to see.

He nodded again, understanding coating his features. “I get that, but hey,” he smiled at you, “we’re still friends right?”

You grinned wide, relief flowing through you. The last thing you’d wanted to do was hurt his feelings and you were so glad he was taking this so well. 

“Of course we are,” you replied honestly. Right then, your phone started ringing and you stood up to answer. Martha was outside waiting for you.

You walked back to your table, saying your goodbyes to everyone. You were pulled into hugs and thanked a few more times. You really wanted to take your time but you couldn’t stop the part of you that wanted to rush home and sprint onto the rooftop. 

As soon as you were out the door you were sprinting to the car. You spent the whole ride anxiously fiddling with the bouquet of flowers from Peter. 

You barely thanked her as you stepped out the door, closing it and waving goodbye as she pulled away. 

You rushed straight up the stairs, wasting no minute. You felt hopeful, for the first time in a long time. You were going to make sure he knew you were sorry, make sure the two of you remained friends. 

You stepped onto the roof, the wind blowing around you. Only then did you realize you were still in your costume. That didn’t matter though, you didn’t want to risk going down to change. And you were sure that if he did stop by tonight, he would love to hear about the crazy day you had. 

You stepped close to the ledge, setting the bouquet down by your feet and you leaned over slightly, trying to catch a glimpse of the hero you’d come to think of as a friend. 

A weird sense of familiarity washed over you, and you realized, this was exactly what you’d been doing a few hours ago. Standing on that makeshift balcony, waiting for your lover to come so you could make amends. Except, this wasn’t a fake balcony, and there was no way you and Spider-Man were lovers, barely friends at best. But still, there was something familiar there.

You waited. And waited. Just when you were starting to give up hope, you heard the small thwip you’d come to realize signaled his arrival. Soon after, you heard a pair of feet land in the middle of your rooftop. 

You turned toward him, heart racing. For a moment neither of you said anything, just stared at each other, but you quickly decided you needed to get your words out before he left again like last night.

“I am so sorry. I’ve been so worried since last night that I upset you and I can't stand it, please would you-,”

Oh….oh.

Before you could even inhale to get your next word out, he was walking towards you, ripping his mask off, gripping your face, and pulling you into a deep kiss.

You didn’t even get to see him but that was the last thought on your mind. He was kissing you. And it was perfect. Your hands flew up to his hair, and you tugged slightly, making him kiss you even harder.

His mouth moved against yours like he’d been waiting his whole life to do this, and couldn’t believe he finally got the chance. You met him just as eagerly, for each kiss, trying to memorize the feeling of his lips on yours.

Something about this, all of it, felt so, so familiar. But every time you made to pull away, his lips chased yours and you couldn’t help but give in. 

Soon enough you both pulled away to catch your breaths, eyes still shut as you leaned into each other, foreheads touching. You enjoyed the moment for a bit, and then you opened your eyes, about to make a joke about how that was an interesting way to accept an apology.

You gasped out loud, hands flying up to cover your mouth as you stumbled backward. 

“Oh my god,” you whispered. “Oh my god.”

“Y/N/N, I’m so sorry,” he says. Peter says. Because it’s Peter standing in front of you right now and he didn’t seem to be the least bit taken aback by your reaction.

You’re unsure what to say to him, your head is reeling and you can't breathe. 

“Oh my god,” you repeated, your voice barely a breath. 

“Y/N, please, please let me explain.” He stepped toward you and reached out a hand. 

You shook your head so quick, that you thought you might give yourself whiplash. “No. This,” you pointed at him, “is so sick, Peter.” Your voice broke at the end and you tried to fight back the tears that were already burning in your eyes. 

His eyes widened. “Y/N I promise you, it’s not what you think-,”

“What do you think I think Peter?” You asked him, voice full of exasperation. “Because I think, you lied to me. I think, you played me for a fool. I think, you’re sick and twisted for sitting here with me every night and playing friends with me. Asking me about my day, pretending to care. Fuck, asking me about my ex. Continuously,

“I think,” you continued, tears flowing freely now, voice shaky and weak, but still conveying your anger. “I think you got me to trust you, again. Just so you could stomp all over every bit of me, again!”

“It’s not like that Y/N, it was never like that. Please, believe me, sweetheart. Please don’t cry.” He begged, looking like it was taking every muscle in his body to hold himself back from pulling you in again. 

“Why should I believe you?” You snapped at him. It was hard for him to believe that, just a minute ago, he was holding you again. Kissing you like nothing else in the world mattered. He’d give anything to have that back.

“Because every moment we had out here was real! Every concern, every question. I was never playing pretend, I just, ugh!” He groaned out loud, dropping his head in his hands, and tugging his hair tightly before looking up at you again. “I fucked up Y/N,” his voice is watery, and because you can’t undo the time you spent together, as Peter and as Spider-Man, you can’t help the strong impulses you feel to hold him tight. But you stand your ground and wait for him to continue.

“First when I didn’t tell you about this,” he said gesturing towards his suit. “Which has its own reasons. And then again, when I bailed on you all those times, which was because of this. And again when I let you walk away from me that night at school. I should’ve fought for you, I should’ve shown up more, I should’ve shown up every time and never given you any reason to not trust me,

“But I didn’t. And you called things off… And at that moment, all I could think was you, walking down the streets of New York, crying, and distracted.” He shuddered and your heart fell. You’d never thought of it like that. “You don’t know the things I’ve seen,” he said, looking up at you, eyes red and face flushed. 

“So I thought I’d just walk you home, make sure you got there safely, and then I’d start staying away. But it was you,” his voice broke. “And you were so upset and all I could think was that it’s my fault and I hated myself. So when you invited me to hang out on the roof with you, I thought I’d show up, try to cheer you up a little,

“And you made me tea, that night,” he laughed softly. “I don’t think you even realized, but you made it the way I always drink my tea. My favorite.” Your mouth fell open a little when you realized you had, in fact, made his favorite tea that night. He’d told you during a late-night conversation before you two had started dating, and ever since, it was the only tea you drank. 

“So I had to stay,” he continued. “And then we started talking, and you were joking, and telling me things I had no idea about. And I never wanted to leave,” he admitted softly. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” You asked him, pointing at his mask on the floor, voice raspy from the tears still clogged in your throat. “When we were still together? I’ll bet that's why you were always bailing, isn’t it?”

He looked down and nodded. “It is. Or was. I wanted to,” he looked up at you suddenly, his face so sincere, that you could feel the desperation in his next words. “God Y/N, you have no idea how many times I almost did. But I stopped myself every time because the risks of you knowing were too high.”

“Risks?” You asked confused.

He nodded, “I’ve met a lot of people. Bad people. And if the one catches wind of this, of you? If someone ever tried something, I’d never forgive myself.” He looked away shaking his head.

“So no one knows?”

He shook his head again. “Only Ned and May.”

“Ned knows?” You knew they were best friends, but really?

“It's not like that, no.” He waved his hand. “He found out by accident. He was waiting in my room one day, and I crawled in through the window ‘cause I didn’t see him.”

You huff out a breath from your nose. That was so Peter. You’d bet money that May found out in some similar situation.

“Wait,” you started, “if we went through all of that, and you still didn’t tell me, why tell me now?”

“Because I can’t stand to be away from you any longer.” His voice sounded broken, like he’d been dying to get that off his chest.

He stepped closer again, and you didn’t push him away this time, much to his surprise. He doesn’t stop until he’s standing right in front of you.

“I’ll protect you from anything or anyone that may come your way. I’d do anything for you sweetheart,” he repeated his words from earlier and you felt something grow in your chest. One of his hands came up to cup your cheek, the other, moving to your waist. Your hands rose up to lay on his chest. 

“God, you have no idea how much it was killing me to sit beside you all those nights and not be able to touch you.” He whispered, staring straight into your eyes. 

You met his gaze. You believed him, every word. You’d known Peter for years, you knew when he was lying to you, which was part of why you broke up with him. You knew he was lying to you, or holding something back from you, you just didn’t know what. But you still had a few more questions. 

“Last night. Why did you run off? Why didn’t you just tell me then?”

“Because I was a coward,” he admitted, expression sad. “I was enjoying it all too much, I wasn’t ready to ruin it yet. I still couldn’t believe I found a way to still talk to you, and you were asking to see me,” he blew out a breath.

Yeah, obviously that didn’t initially start well. 

You nodded. “And when you kept asking me about you. About my ex and how I felt about him, why?” That part still had you confused

He looked up, closing his eyes, “I won’t lie to you sweetheart, that was just me being a dumbass. That was complete selfishness and…,”

He trailed off. “And what?” You questioned him. There was some unspoken thing you two were doing right now, that you could ask anything, and he’d answered honestly. It was the least he could do. 

“And jealously,” he finished quietly, looking down at the ground.

“Jealousy?” You repeated, still confused. “But who would you be jealous of…oh.”

And it was then that you realized how you’d talked about Brad to Spider-Man (before you knew who he was of course), and how, right after, when he’d asked about Peter, you’d said something about just trying to forget the whole thing. You had to hold back a laugh when you remembered all that. Poor guy must’ve been going insane. 

He nodded. “You kept talking about that Brad guy and talking about trying to get over me. And I hated that you seemed to be getting over me so quick. Like I said, completely selfish. I'm sorry.”

“No,” you shook your head, “that makes sense actually. But seriously Peter..” You trailed off, shaking your head again.

Worry crept onto his features, “I know I messed up Y/N/N, big time, but I’m willing to do anything-,”

“You really thought I was into Brad?” You asked, wrinkling your nose up at him. 

He let out a breath of relief, before laughing a little. God, he was so happy you were joking with him. 

He leaned down and pressed his forehead against yours, “I’m sorry sweetheart.”

“You’re forgiven,” you told him, the sincerity in your tone impossible to miss, and he knew you were talking about more than the crazy jealousy. 

He looked down into your eyes, his gaze so intense you almost went to look away. “I’m the luckiest man alive,” he whispered, his voice so low, you wondered if he even meant to say it out loud.

His eyes flickered down to your lips, and you took that as your cue. You leaned in, closing the gap between you. He kissed you back instantly. It was softer than the one earlier, but way more meaningful. Every press of his lips on yours felt like repairing something. Mending whatever it was that had broken between the two of you.

You pulled away first because you knew he wouldn’t, but he didn’t let you get far. He started planting kisses all over your face.

"Have I told you," Kiss. "How beautiful," Kiss. "I think you look tonight? And every night."

You laughed, face heating up at his compliments. "Thank you, Petey."

"I love it when you call me that." He said, grinning like a lovesick idiot. He leaned in and kissed your cheek one more time before he pulled away again. 

"I didn't like it." He said, a frown on his face.

"Didn't like what babe?" You asked, tilting your head up at him while your fingers played with the hair at the nape of his neck.

He let out a sigh, "The breakup. Being broken up. Not talking to you, as me, I mean. Not as Spider-Man. And I sure as hell didn't like seeing some other guy make out with my girl in front of everyone."

You laughed and you felt butterflies erupt in your stomach when he called you his girl. "Well don't worry," you told him, moving your hands to cup his face. "We're not doing that again, not if we can help it."

You leaned in and gave him a quick peck on the lips, before pulling away, which made him whine. 

 He moved his hands to your shoulder as he buried his face in your neck, breathing in your scent. 

“You drive me crazy, sweetheart.” He said, voice muffled by your skin. 

You giggled, “You drive me crazier, Peter Parker.”

‘crazier’ taglist: @coralineyouareinterribledanger @666yourmomdotcom

#peter parker #writing #tom holland #marvel #fanfic #peter parker fic #peter parker x you #peter parker fluff #peter x you #peter parker imagines #peter parker angst #peter parker x reader #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker writing #avengers #the avengers #avengers x reader #tom holland!peter parker x reader #mcu!spiderman x reader #mcu #mcu!peter parker #mcu!peter parker x reader #tom holland x reader #tom holland fluff #tom holland imagine #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland angst #fanfiction #angst #crazier

[zvezdacito]

// TWST Book 7 spoilers, thoughts of Malleus's writing as a character

So I was reading some other people's opinions on why some people consider Malleus overrated/annoying, and tbh this makes me really sad. The general consensus is that a lot of people fixate on certain sides and can only see him as one extreme or the other and it results in many ppl thinking a watered down version of his character is how he is in canon.

I feel that its such a shame because he's the most interesting, compelling and well-rounded take on his character archetype I've seen.

From my observation, usually they kinda make this archetype (the broody misunderstood 'everyone fears him like a monster except for one special person') someone you can't take that seriously, because of how his struggle usually kind of written in a way where everyone involved feel less like actual fully fledged original characters and really just one note tropes interacting with other one note tropes.

To elaborate: What i mean when i say this is usually ppl who hate him kind of just do because of plot requires them to and to show how all their haters are "normies" who can't get him because 'he's not like everyone else'. The misunderstood guy still usually has toxic personality issues but the story really tends to make it feel like they don't fear him for that but because they're shallow and have prejudice to ppl like him, so his personality issues are not framed as wrong or character flaws.

I don't think there's anything inherenrly wrong or mediocre with the "one special person who gives him a chance before anyone else" trope like I'm literally a Malleyuu enjoyer lol but like i said its all in the execution cause otherwise it fails to be compelling and believable. Usually in the poorly written version of this trope the guy doesn't undergo any character development other than showing more emotion and kindess to his partner because they melted his ice I guess so it really makes his whole character feel like its revolves around the sake of romance and fanservice.

Malleus doesn't fall into this trap in my opinion because his situation despite how fantastical it is, the way he was written makes it believable as to why everything is the way it is with him, and it also challenges the viewer if they would be able to say they wouldn't fear him too in that situation.

"We're gonna give you this character who everyone sees as a monster and show you deep down he just wants the same love as everyone else, making you contemplate changing judgement on him. He wants to prove this, but his way of going about it always inadvertently harms others."

"You know where hes coming from and if he had that social connection to give him a better understanding of others this wouldn't be happening, but its also equally understandable that the people hes trying to connect with don't deserve this and fear him even more after this, trapping him in a cycle of isolation."

"Given his track record, do you go about giving him a chance or just considering the repeatedly proven danger he brings. With the valid reasons of both parties, can you really say he isn't a monster and demand that 'if only people be near him'?"

There's just such a tragic and thought-provoking dilemma to his character that adds so many layers that makes him so good.

As omniscient viewers we have the benefit of seeing what he's going through form his POV so we can sympathize with him and understand that he thinks what he's doing is the best course of action and he's just trying to create a "win for everyone" situation.

But also everything he does ironically reaffirms everyone's fear and distrust of someone like him. No one can deny he has a tendency to cause further destruction when he tries to do something "good", examples including: past Briar Valley lantern lighting fire, the Halloween 2 ghost world party, and now his Sleeping Curse stunt in Book 7 Part 2 (they really emphasize this by making the spoken name of his UM basically mean "Malicious Fairy" but have its written name used to convey what its meant to mean be "Blessing").

↑ Given this, it honestly makes sense others, especially those who don't know him all that well, would just expect the worst when he's around already, and you wouldn't be able to blame them for that given the track record. It doesn't help that this impression is worsened since he tends to cause misunderstandings due to his lack of familiarity with human social cues.

Alongside the bias and preconceived notions from his status and reputation, they also make a point on how his personality flaws are still also a huge factor in pushing people away, such as not being able to see things through the perspective of others.

He also holds a subconcious belief due to what has been ingrained in him since childhood as a Draconia and the next in line that because he's superior to others at certain things, he has the right and responsibility to decide on what will protect and help them, disregarding the individual values/priorities of human beings and leading him to take reckless and destructive action with good intentions.

His upbringing, character strengths and character flaws are all realistically connected to each other and the way they are subtly shown to be ever-present in defining his decisions, goals and thoughts throughout the whole story. So we don't really need to have a character go out of their way to exposition this to us this word for word just so we can understand and believe it.

Moving onto something slightly more lighthearted, I really also like how dorky Malleus surprisingly was. Other similar characters in the archetype I usually see don't really have any hobbies, interests, or quirks outside of being a broody authority figure, which might've been appealing to some at first but it really just gets stale and boring after a while.

This should be the bare minimum in making a fleshed out and interesting character so maybe i sound like im giving them too much credit for pointing it out😭 But yeah compared to the other examples it's good that Malleus has his Tamagotchi and Gargoyle interests it makes him feel like a believable person who has his own life going on too (with the bonus that these interests are also metaphors for aspects of his character). The gap moe adds an endearing side to him, and makes the gap between his intent and impact of his actions even more tragic. It wouldn't hit the same without this side.

(^ Forgot how the exact quote goes, but it basically said dark stories are more effective when there are moments of genuine happiness and good in them, compared to if it was always just grim and edgy. The former increases the stakes and tragedy because you have something you to care about losing, while for the latter there is nothing for you to care about so nothing the story does really matters. Same logic applies to Malleus)

Overall, it's just like an unfortunate incompatibility of goals and circumstances, which is what TWST is all about. Another thing I want to say is out of all the characters, I feel like Malleus is the one who is the ultimate embodiment of TWST's main themes:

-> How it's not about "hero" vs "villain" just differing circumstances crossing paths and clashing because of how people on either side have their own complex perspective and dreams they want to realize

-> And how connection and finding community is important to find people who will help you make up for what you lack in reaching your goals and to better understand all the factors that caused the situation in the first place.

As if seeing yourself reflected in a mirror, the more you get to know the people around you, you realize in many ways you are actually quite alike, and through understanding others you could also possibly better understand certain aspects of yourself. It's sort of encouraging you to do the opposite of dehumanizing others and yourself, which is something Malleus has most evidently internalized.

So yeah this was so long😭 I had a lot I wanted to say since Malleus is my favorite TWST character. Idk if I missed anything or if i managed to express my thoughts in a cohesive way but yeah. I kinda go into a rage whenever I see the worst takes ever be put out about his character but tbh sometimes I can't completely blame others since fandom trends and the convenience of simplifying things into tropes can warp your perception of a character and what you associate with them.

Also sometimes twst doesn't do a good job with utilizing his character like Book 5 where he got turned into a deus ex machina and Halloween 2 where they killed any hype and intrigue for the plot we had at the beginning through the ending reveal and gave the worst justification ever for Malleus and Lilia's actions ever.

Regardless, I hope more people manage to move past this and appreciate his character for what it really is soon though. He's an amazingly tragic character; a lot of thought was put into how his experiences, strengths and weaknesses would convincingly connect, and he represents something relevant in the story's plot and themes.

The fact that I've seen some people unironically believe that Malleus may just be faking his cluelessness of social cues to hide his "true evil" is evidence to how convincing his character's situation is, that even some in the audience who know more about him than the characters would still end up in the same place of doubt and distrust of Malleus because of what he's capable of.

Aight thank you for reading👍

#twst #twisted wonderland #twst book 7 spoilers #malleus draconia #twst writing analysis ? #diasomnia #i am his number 1 defender #ignore me just putting random photos in between text i tried separating chunks of text to make it more readable lol #twst character analysis ?

[shayyprasad]

for a lunch break, i take you | peter parker

this post is a part of a series called "but you're the one i want"! click here to read parts one and two!

ask to be added to the taglist, and check out my full masterlist here...

reblog, like, and comment <3

summary: summary: you've fallen in love with peter, and the worst part? you can't. not when you know you must be with someone else.

warning: flirting, maybe cursing, teeny bit of angst/sad petey for a second (lemme know if i missed any)

pairing: peter parker x fem!reader (this is in 3rd person!)

word count: 1.1k+ words

peter

they walked the streets together, in a silence that was comforting enough. but peter decided that he would rather use this time to talk to her.

he was still mentally fussing over the platonic flirting. if y/n got to do that, he should be able to do that too, right? and peter totally would, was it not for the fact that he didn't know how to flirt. well, he used to with gwen a little, but after she died, he kinda lost his game.

and if he wanted y/n/n to like him, he would need to find that game.

then another thing popped in his head.

what if she was friend zoning peter so that she could pursue her romance with spider-man? that brought a grin to his face… because if not anything, at least she liked him in one way or another.

"whatcha giggling about over there?"

"i don't giggle. my laugh is actually very manly."

"uh-huh. i'm sure, darling."

and then, out of literally nowhere, this newfound confidence appeared.

"so, y/n/n, what do you think about spider-man?" he paused, waiting for an answer. "you know, since you write about him a lot, i'm guessing," peter added, trying to not look suspicious.

"i- uh, he's, um..."

he smirked.

caught you.

she was a bright, bright red. at least peter knew that he did have a chance as spider-man. but for some reason, that really killed his self-confidence.

the only way he can get a girl is by being spider-man. a superhero. but spider-man isn't who he is. he's peter. a dorky dude that skateboards and takes photos.

spider-man is only there to protect his identity. he wants to be able to get people to like him by being himself. by being peter. of course, everyone likes spider-man. why can't they like peter the same way?

i guess i'll make an exception just this once.

"so, what about him?" pete pressed.

"he's, uh, cool. i guess. bearable enough."

"oh?"

"yeah."

"me personally, i would love to meet him. he's pretty good at what does."

"what he does?" she squeaked out.

"don't you think?"

"...how would i know?"

now who's got the upper hand?

"oh, well, would you look at that? we're here!" she exclaimed, straining her voice.

the parker boy/man/spider/thing hummed in amusement, "actually, i think i've been here before."

y/n smiled, pushing the door open for her and peter. they walked inside and picked a table for two.

"hey, how can i help y-"

"hi cindy," y/n smiled. jeez, peter loved that smile.

"what can i get for you? it's on the house."

"um, one coffee and a turkey sandwich for me. what about you, darling?"

"just a coffee with a ham and cheese sandwich."

"so, y/n/n," cindy started. "this your boyfriend? like, how could you not tell me?"

"slipped my mind."

"she's kidding," peter chuckled, "just friends." those words pained him more than he thought they would.

"yeah? seem extra friendly for just friends."

"she insists on the pet name."

y/n/n grinned.

"well, i'll get that to you right away."

"i told you people would think we're dating!" peter whisper-yelled when cindy walked away.

she just shrugged. "it's fun, isn't it?"

"trolling people? is that some pastime i don't know about?"

"i dunno. gotta find entertainment somehow, right peter?"

he sighed.

she grinned, finding enjoyment in this, "you know, you aren't the worst person to be around."

he rolled his eyes playfully. "yeah, you've mentioned that."

"yeah, yeah. making sure you knew. this is what they call good communication."

they spent most of the time going back in forth with witty banter and occasional burns until their food came.

"enjoy, lovebirds!" cindy chirped.

peter noticed how y/n/n didn't make anything of the comment, and that made his insides burst.

oh jeez, he really liked her. maybe even loved her, which was crazy considering that they had only met a couple days ago. peter just found her to be so... special. she was different and her happy energy was almost contagious. her smile could light up a room.

y/n was like a shot of expresso bathed in sunlight, he decided.

currently, she was rambling on about her favorite book and something to do with how unrequited love is one thing, and your lover dying was another. i.e. the fault in our stars. she just went on about which was worse and why. he wasn't really paying attention, peter was gazing at her with a lovesick smile on his face, admiring every part of her.

"what do you think, peter?"

"uh, absolutely."

"yeah, that didn't really answer the question," she noted as she finished up her food. he was just about done, too.

"the question was; which is worse? unrequited love or having the absolute love of your life dying?"

this was a little hard to answer for him. the time he lost gwen were the darkest days of his life.

"having the absolute love of your life dying," he said after a moment, "y/n/n, unrequited love isn't that tragic. it's actually quite beautiful when you think about it. sure, it may be painful to know that they don't feel the same. but think about it, someone loving you knowing that you won't return the feelings? that’s commitment. that's sweet. that's true love."

"woah. i honestly had no clue you were that wise." she pushed her chair back and got up, watching as peter did the same.

"yeah. i guess there's a lot you don't know."

"well, parker, i'll just have to uncover all your mysteries," she said to him. "bye cindy! love you!"

"bye, y/n, peter."

he held the door open for her, and she walked out.

"you know, having the love of your life die is really hard, because i would have had it to be unrequited love if i could, if that would have saved her," he whispered solemnly.

"what do you mean?"

he shrugged, flaming red. that was not supposed to come out. damn you, y/n, he thought. peter just completely let loose around her, and it was normally a good thing. y’know, aside from when he blurted out too much. he just wanted this conversation to be done with.

"my girlfriend- er, ex-girlfriend died a couple years ago. whole spider-man fiasco.” he watched you carefully, waiting to gauge y/n’s  reaction. she seemed as if she was thinking, so he added, “clock tower.”

"oh! i think i read about that, gwen stacy? i had no idea you two were... i'm so sorry, peter."

"it's okay. i’ve moved on," he smiled.

y/n/n wrapped her arms around him, giving him a comforting hug.

she gives great hugs.

it caught him slightly off guard, but he returned the gesture. the two of them stayed like that, at least for a couple minutes right in front of the café, unbeknownst to the pair that cindy was smiling at them.

taglist: @whatsupstark @ell0ra-br3kk3r @idli-dosa @susvale @kdbsr-h

#tom holland x reader #tom holland #peter parker #spiderman #tom holland x you #angst #fluff #peter parker x you #peter parker x reader #peter parker imagine #andrew garfield x reader #andrew garfield #tasm #the amazing spider man #the amazing spider man 2 #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker angst #peter parker x y/n #spider man #marvel #but you're the one i want

[baldursyourgate]

Transcript: Adam Smith interview on Minthara

"…we're writing this for a very small audience and when they get to it, they're going to get something special..."

Note: This is an excerpt that mentions Minthara from a PC Gamer interview with Adam Smith, the lead writer at Larian Studios.

Adam: I got um one note from uh... You've probably seen Amelia's video outtakes as the narrator... I got one note from Emma who plays Minthara and she was just like "Thanks for all the drow words, they're really good fun to say!" and I was like, that's sarcastic isn't it! They're really hard to say, she nailed them, but my God!

Interviewer: I love that, but I was wondering if you had a specific favourite or if there's a favourite quest line or just like a specific like; or just a quotable line of dialogue that you really love?

Adam: Ah so... Oh the stuff I want to say... Okay fine, I can say stuff that's from... it's fine, block your ears if you don't want to hear. They're not story spoilers...

So, I actually write less dialogue than you might think. My job is mostly to edit everyone else's work, so I know other people's lines better than my own, because those ones I kind of write them and then say somebody else can deal with that now... Whereas everyone else's lines I'm like you know, "okay, how do we make this as brilliant as it can be" but...

I spent a lot of time on Minthara. And we knew from the beginning Minthara is a character that most people will kill. She's a villain you meet her; you can recruit her, but most people kill her. We know that from the stats and we knew that putting the effort into writing lots and lots of dialogue for this character was going to be appreciated by very few people, but we're like hell it's good... I nearly swore don't if I'm allowed to swear...

And I put in one line which I don't know how many people will ever see it, so I'm going to just say it now.

So Minthara's story, she's been infected with tadpole, she's working for the cult and when you recruit her essentially, she comes under your protection and she can no longer hear the voice of God, of the Absolute; and you deprogram her. And she doesn't become a nice person, she's just like "Okay, let's do evil for ourselves now. Let's not do it for anyone else, let's take control."

And there's a moment when she gets very close to you, if she does, she has a crisis of confidence and she said, "I don't know if I can do this" and you can say "Look you're stronger than anyone I've ever met" and she says "If I'd never met you then I would have been... I would have still been a maniac doing things at the will of a God that doesn't exist" and you say "But you did meet me" and she says "Yeah and 9 times out of 10 I would just one more corpse in your crusade" and it's a little sad moment, but, it's also a little tap on the forth wall that says "Yes, in all your other playthroughs you piece of crap".

[laughs]

She's a horrible person it should be said, but the ones that I love are the moments where we're like, "we're writing this for a very small audience and when they get to it, they're going to get something special" and that, that stuff I love. I love our villains as well.

Interviewer: As a Dark Urge monk are you going to recruit Minthara on that playthrough?

Adam: yeah, I have her already. I usually take her along just because I spent so much time with (writing) her.

Interviewer: Yeah definitely.

#interview #minthara

[cirilla-fiona-riannon]

Translations may not always capture the exact nuances or tone of the original text. Please support Cybird by buying their stories. Expect grammatical errors.

Paddington Station's platform was bustling with many people today.

Amidst the crowd, Ellis and I were walking toward the train's entrance.

Ellis: "Kate, isn't that luggage heavy? Do you want me to carry it?"

Kate: "Thanks, but I can handle it myself."

Ellis: "I see."

(Huh? Did I make him feel a little sad?)

(Oh, right.)

Kate: "Since we have time before boarding the train, let's get something to eat."

Kate: "It'd really help if you could carry it for me."

Ellis: "Sure, of course."

We weren't just going on a trip. Today, our mission was to gather information about a smuggling organization in York, away from London.

(Initially, I was supposed to go on this mission with Harrison, but...)

This morning, I was informed that Harrison would go on a different mission with William, and Ellis would take his place.

Ellis: "Ah, Kate. They're selling some delicious-looking bread over there."

He spotted a stall selling bread and quickly informed me.

Kate: "Come to think of it, you like baguettes, right?"

Ellis: "You remembered what I like. I'm so happy."

Kate: "Of course. Whoa, there are so many options. What should I choose?"

Ellis: "Fufu."

Kate: "Hm?"

Ellis: "Seeing you having fun makes me happy too."

Ellis: “Since it’s fun, maybe I should buy a lot.”

Kate: “Hey, that’s not fair! I want to buy a lot, too.”

We boarded the train and eagerly spread the freshly bought bread on our laps.

The rich aroma of the bread tickled my nose, and my heart danced to the scenery passing by the window.

(Come to think of it, it’s been a while since we went on a trip like this.)

In my slightly relaxed state, I heard Ellis’ voice.

Ellis: “Kate, is the bread delicious?”

Kate: “Yes, very! How about yours, Ellis?”

Ellis: “Mine is delicious too. Your suggestion was spot on.”

Ellis: “Good thing I asked Victor and Jude to let me go on this mission.”

Kate: “Huh?”

Ellis: “Jude agreed to cover for me but gave me extra work starting tomorrow.”

Kate: “Why did you insist on accompanying me on this mission?”

Ellis: “Because there’s something I want to confirm.”

Kate: “Something you want to confirm?”

Ellis: “Tell me, Kate. Between Harry and me, who makes you happier?”

His sudden question caught me off guard, and my eyes widened in surprise.

Kate: “Um, why are you bringing up Harrison’s name now?”

Ellis: “Because you spend a lot of time with him.”

As he pointed out, I had been spending a lot of time with Harrison after becoming a fairy tale writer.

(It’s true that I rely on Harrison, but...)

Not knowing how to answer, I heard Ellis’s calm voice.

Ellis: “No matter whom you choose, I’ll make you happy.”

Ellis: “If being with Harry makes you happier, I’ll support you.”

Ellis: “If being with me makes you happier, I’ll be with you forever. That’s why…”

(Huh?)

I suddenly noticed that he was no longer sitting across from me, but right next to me.

Ellis: “Take the day to think about it. Then tell me later which one between me and Harry makes you happier.”

He always treated me with excessive kindness, like a lover would.

He was so caring and kind and gave me many sweet emotions, but it was never because I’m special. It was because he was kind to everyone.

(Maybe even this question is just another part of his kindness.)

It was like asking whether I prefer lemon or sugar in my tea, a question with a playful undertone.

Kate: “Fufu, I understand. I’ll think about it while I’m here with you.”

Ellis: “Okay. I’ll do my best to make you happy.”

Kate: “And I’ll do my best not to hold you back.”

Ellis: “Kate, you’re not good with scary things, right?”

Kate: “Hey, are you teasing me just now?”

Ellis: “Fufu, busted. Oh, you have something on your lip.”

He brushed the bread stuck to my lip, then licked it off his fingers.

I was momentarily surprised by the gesture, but he smiled at me.

Ellis: “Is this what they call an unrequited love?”

Kate: “I won’t say.”

Ellis: “Fufu, is that so?”

Amidst being swayed by his excessive kindness, the train arrived at York.

Ellis: “Looks like we’ve arrived. Shall we go, Kate?”

(Wow!)

Unlike the familiar London, York had a slight countryside atmosphere.

The flow of time was gentle, the scenery was refreshing, and just standing here was making me excited.

Ellis: “I’m glad.”

Kate: “----?”

Ellis: “You look so happy, Kate.”

(I’m having fun even though we’re on a mission.)

The information that reached the Crown was about the presence of a smuggling organization in this city.

These smugglers secretly import illegal drugs from India and sell them in various countries, lining their pockets in the process.

Our mission was to investigate the three locations suspected as their bases and identify their whereabouts to bring them to justice.

(We’re working in a small group to avoid being noticed while gathering information.)

But it also means that if we were to find ourselves in a dangerous situation, we wouldn’t be able to call for help immediately.

(I need to stay focused.)

At that moment, Ellis’s hand gently caught mine.

Ellis: “Would you like to take a short stroll?”

Kate: “I’d love to, but we have a mission.”

Ellis: “We still have some time. Please?”

(Ugh.)

I waved the white flag in my mind when he squeezed my hand.

Kate: "Can you promise it'll be just a short walk?"

Ellis: "I promise."

Kate: "Then, okay."

Ellis: "Fufu. I feel like I'm acting like a selfish kid."

Ellis: "Looks like there are many people over there. Let's go and see."

He started walking while holding my hand.

His hand holding mine, his broad back—none of it felt like that of a child, and it puzzled me for a moment.

(Hm?)

Ellis: "Is something wrong, Kate?"

Part 1╎Part 2╎Premium End╎Epilogue

#ikemen villains #ikemen villain #ikevil ellis #ellis twilight #ikevil #ikevil translations

[milgram-tournament]

MILGRAM Best Song Tournament, Round 1, Match 4 HALF vs. MAGIC

Propaganda for both options under the cut!

Propaganda for HALF:

kazui may just be an old gay man but HE CAN SING.

its. literally stunning.

like aside from his character and everything else, half is just really really beautifully written

THE INSTRUMENTALS.

HIS V O I C E??? its so pretty

heartbreaking lyrics. i dont love kazui as a character but i have bawled to half

GAY RIGHTS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love amane but she will undoubtedly win when her purge march poll rolls around, so lets let the old man have a win shall we?

---

half propaganda let's goooo sorry i'm sobern't in true kazui style so this probably won't make a bit of sense

theatre kid man. i love him, incredible mv.

this song is pure ASMR to me

visually aligned with Cat and it's so lovely to see that continuity

the GRAINY MOVIE DOTS THING ON THE MV <3

kazui is so dramatic. i love him i love him

dapper gentleman. such clothes

the key change is so well done

AND THE . THE PART WITH THE. THE ENDING SORT OF LYRICS OVERLAID WITH SPEAKING. and then his quieter singing and, and, and o h my god. im sorry. im not very coherent abt this rn

every part of the song is amazing but once it gets to the key change and after it keeps stepping up the amount of being perfect

kazui is in it

um

kazui is in it

go my psionic warriors vote for everyone's favourite failhusband

no children were tortured in the making of this MV (cough looking at You magic)

---

Allow me to present my Half propaganda!

- The slower tempo adds a very relaxing feeling to the song. Kinda ironic, but I like it! It sort of reminds of old indie songs from 2012 (especially with what I think is whistling added in the instrumental in-between chorus and verses.)

- Kazui’s voice. Enough said.

- It’s very easy to listen to, and I find it’s one of the only songs from Milgram that I like to listen to out of context (besides After Pain, Backdraft, and Purge March, oddly enough.)

- The MV is rife with imagery, and is used to beautiful effect. It really makes you feel for Kazui and his situation.

- The scene with him and Hinako before the key change… that makes me so emo.

- The overlapping part at the end… the lyrics combined with the dialogue in the background makes me really sad in a way I can’t explain.

Propaganda for MAGIC:

MAGIC MY BELOVED MAGIC!!! Its one of the best MVs in the entire series, even including T2. Magic is visually stunning and has some fantastic art direction but also is very clever in how it conveys its themes and ideas. Magic doesn't really hide anything from you, not really. It's all symbolic but it Tells You Things. It shows you the abuse, it shows you the cat. There's a fun little relationship going on here where, In Magic. Amane's pain and suffering isn't taken seriously by the people around her and the Audience we are discouraged to take it at face value due to the fictionalized nature of Magic. It's so cool. I'm so fond of the song as well, it's one of the best in the series purely cause of the Layers in it. The implications of this Inability to be good is seeped into Magic. Amane knows this isn't reality, Magic knows it's a show, she watches it at the end. And it's so Sad to me that even in her fictionalized happy world she Cannot be a good girl. It's a standard completely out of reach for her and that idea is just conveyed so well visually.

Im not even talking about the goddamn cat yet- the cat symbolism goes Deep. That cat is HER it has the same wounds Amane has in Purge March. I- I cant talk about the intertextuality of Purge March and Magic here this is Magic propaganda only- I- there's so much good stuff to Magic. I Re watched it over and over again. It has some the Best Writing and Visual Communication in Milgram and I will Die on this Hill.

---

shoutout to magic for having pretty props AND being vague as fuck about the crime! diversity win!

seriously though amane looks SO cute in it! the mv has such a pretty and colorful style and even with that it's able to show the horrors of what amane went through.

adding onto my last point. that scene where the cat is hyperventilating and you see the camera shaking???? that scene where the mascots find amane helping the cat and they're all standing over her? CHILLS. im repeating myself but the fact that they were able to portray the awful things amane went through in a genuinely emotional way while still keeping the cute cartoon look is soo impressive

there are SO many layers to itill the entire cartoony style making it look like a tv show… utilizing the cartoony effects and bright colors to show amane downplaying her own pain… the transformation after she gets punished barely changing anything to show just how manipulated she was from the start… ueueueue

ALSO ALSO ALSO THE SCENE AT THE END WITH AMANE STARING AT THE SCENE? OHHH ITS SO GOOD it adds such a feeling of dread and reminds you on top of this whole thing that all of this is truly horrifying! something is going on here!

this song is so catchy it gets stuck in my head CONSTANTLY

"Dear wise one, Am I worthy? Is it ok to spoil myself?" AMANE... UEUEUUEUE

the little ding sound effects in the instrumental?????

amanes voice is ADORABLE

THE INSTRUMENTAL IN THAT PART WHERE SHES HELPING THE CAT HAS THAT GODLY TYPE SOUND YOUD TYPICALLY ASSOCIATE WITH CHURCHES AND STUFF AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN IT PROPERLY BUT JUST RELISTEN TO IT AND YOU WILL KNOW WHAT I MEAN. ITS SUCH A NEAT DETAIL

i could go on about this mv for days but i am not a theorist unfortunately. just. magic sweep

#milgram #milgramtournament #mukuhara kazui #amane momose

[ontologicalsynaesthesia]

I can't stop thinking about the narrative use of guns and violence in Disco Elysium, and how the lack of violence as a gameplay mechanic leads to a emotionally richer story and more fully realized world.

You go through a lot to get your gun back - on my playthrough it was the last thing I did before I confronted Ruby - and then there's only one point in the game where you can actually fire it. In my playthrough, the Necktie Molotov Cocktail missed and Harry never had the opportunity to fire his own gun at all - the only time it was used in the whole game was by Kim.

Other uses of guns include:

When you learn that Roy bought Harry's gun only because Harry was going around threatening to shoot himself with it.

Trying to shoot the body down; Kim doesn't make the shot, and when Harry tries, you fear he might shoot a passerby by accident (I was terrified he would accidentally shoot Kim or Cuno).

The discovery of the weapons cache, and bitter knowledge that with more caches all over Revachol, there's no way any can prevent widespread violence.

The Pigs threatening Harry and Kim with Harry's gun: it's tense, and terrifying, and incredibly sad, as your fear for your own wellbeing slowly shifts into a fear for hers.

Ruby threatening to kill herself; in my playthrough, I failed to talk her out of it, and I think it was the most horrifying moment of the game.

The Deserter spent decades spying on the world through his rifle scope, fantasizing about killing people from afar. When he actually pulled the trigger, it kicked off the series of events that led to open violence on the streets of Martinaise (and might still lead to more.)

Every time guns are used, either onscreen or off (and there are very, very few instances of gun use onscreen), it's shocking and brutal. Bringing a gun into any situation ratchets up the tension and scares everyone, including Kim and Harry, who have decades of experience as cops and have both killed people.

This isn't a game where violence is normalized. It especially isn't a game where deadly violence is normalized. It's such a contrast from games where combat is a part of gameplay, and the use of violence is ordered and expected and strategic. It's such a contrast from the game ZA/UM originally planned to make:

(images from the Disco Elysium Artbook)

And that's so interesting to me because it's incredibly effective, and it feels more real this way, but it's absolutely not what I would have expected from this genre of story in a setting like Martinaise. You're playing as a cop in a poor, war-scarred neighborhood where the biggest power is basically a mob boss. If I didn't know anything about DE and someone described it to me I would have expected something more like, well, Torson & McLaine: shoot-outs in the streets, life is cheap, you know. Combat is still the primary gameplay mechanic of many (most?) games out there, and by necessity that turns most of the people in any combat-based game into mindless mooks who are there to be slaughtered en masse.

But Disco Elysium doesn't do that. In DE, every single interactable character is a fully realized person. Most of them have surprisingly deep conversational trees, and those conversations change as you proceed through the game and have new experiences and learn new things. Even characters you can't talk to much feel like real people; you're just seeing the tip of the iceberg. No one is disposable cannon-fodder. And it makes the world feel so much more real than any other CRPG I've ever played, and when anyone actually gets killed or seriously wounded, it's a shock; it's awful. You grow to know and love this little district and the people in it. The looming spectre of violence in the streets of Martinaise as you race against the mercenaries to solve the case feels like a real threat.

It's just. Really good, y'know?

#disco elysium #disco elysium spoilers #de meta #de os #suicide cw

[drea-ms]

ミ★﹐THE PREFECT PAIR．﹗﹑ KYLE BROFLOVSKI

₊ ⊹ ⪩⪨ ┆ In which a small remark causes a bigger problem for the both of them. ( requested from old account )

warnings. asshole kyle. stans is yns twin. angst. happy ending. enemies to lovers? academical rivals to lovers. arguing. crying. long i think? grammar mistakes.

You never liked stan's friend group. Well, most of them, Kenny was alright, he was kind to you when he isn't flirting with you, but overall better than like most of them, Butters was a good friend, you knew that he was always a target in the group, but he doesn't get enough credit for taking care of the group.

The last two people were the ones you disliked the most were eric cartman (there's no reason to even talk about the things he's done) and Kyle Broflovski, you didn't know why you disliked him (you did) but you would never tell your twin that you hate his super best friend and that he hates you back, now would you?

When you met Kyle, you thought he was cute, nice and charming, (mind you were both in like 3rd when you officially met him). You don't know what you did to make him hate you, but ever since 3rd grade he would ignore you when you were around and wouldn't even talk to you, even when you were paired up. He always had his serious face when you around, and everyone around you felt bad for you. (including cartman.... surprisingly..)

So since then you two have been competing on almost everything. Grades? somehow you always beat him, Gym Class? You're both on opposite teams and are targeting each other, Anything else? you both were there and competing against each other. You didn't know how it started, but you both are stubborn enough to let it finish.

Today was not your day, everything went wrong and you don't even want to go through it, and guess what? Kyle was bothering you!! yay... right? Not really if he's been peering you since he's been getting frost stop in class recently. Non. Stop. And when the teacher told everyone that they'll be with a study partner, she chose you and Kyle.

So now here you were, in the library, stressed out your mind and with the guy you really dislike. He was talking your head off, you weren't really paying attention, mostly reading the text that was assigned and writing down your notes until–

"Are you even listening? You stopped writing down notes and you're still reading the text? are you even understanding the lesson?" oh. he was talking to you, you turn and face him, he looked mad (at least to you), and well you being in a mood you said, "Unlike you, I can multitask and understand things when I'm given a timlimit, you on the other hand, seem to only write notes on the 'important parts' of the text." you said giving a 'smile' and went back to your work.

"Shut up. At least I'm not zoning out. That's all you've been doing, haven't you Marsh? You know since you've been losing yourself and slipping. How would people think of you? The infamous Yn Marsh and her grades slipping into the dumpster—" "Can you like shut up!? Is that all your good for? making fun of your best friends twin sister because you're not in first place?!? How much stupid can you get Kyle!?!?" crying, you were crying. You didn't know when you started to cry but you knew you were going to leave the library. So you left.

You went to your locker, getting your things and trying to rush out of there, not want to see any one at the moment until you heard someone running at you, "Yn? Yn!" It was Kyle fucking Brofloski. You continued to ignore him until he made you turn around and face him, "Where are you going?" "Home. now leave me alone. I'll ask the teacher if we can switch partners tomorrow." you say trying to get off his grip. "Um- look, I'm sorry if I hurt you. I know it was wrong of me to treat you like that today, hell since we were kids." he looked sad? maybe pity for you

"I know you won't accept my apology, but please trust me when I say I mean this." What? What was he saying? You try to say something when he cuts you off, "I don't know whether it recently or if I have been in denial since forever, but I really like you, I don't know how it started or when, but please give me a chance to court you, to start over again and make sure that I don't fuck it up again, just please." he looked at you like he was going on his knees and beg for you.

You don't say anything for a while until he hear the words he wanted to hear,

"Two Months. I'm giving you two months to court me and start fresh again. You fuck it and we're done."

"Anything for you, love"

NAO SPEAKS? bro i checked my notes app and found out i saved all of my requests 🙈🙈🙈 expect more coming soon 🫶🫶���

#📞 — nwjn-z #south park #south park x reader #kyle broflovski #kyle broflovski x reader #[ 👠 ] ; old requests !

[strawberrymilk-sunshine]

Looking at all the twst dreams on your page popping up on my fyp reminds of this dream I had where I was royalty and I was forced to pick a suitor, two of which happened to be Jade and Floyd. I felt really awkward about the whole thing so to take some tension away from the situation I held this pool party with all my suitors to get our minds off the arranged engagement. I remember we started playing Marco Polo and Floyd pulling me under the water and kissing me, then all of a sudden I was 1/2

Hehe I can do that!! Hope you enjoy~!

Featuring Adeuce as your attendants because my silly little brain said "You should add the one braincell duo to this for no reason!!"

Warning(s): arranged marriage (kinda. I mean, you have a choice, but still), forced kissing from Floyd, poisoning, blood/vomiting

You don't really want to be in this situation, but it can't exactly be helped...

You see, your kingdom... isn't in the best of states. And well, things are only going to get worse if you don't marry someone from a powerful family.

"Hey, (Y/N), they're here." One of your attendants, Ace, said peeking his head through your door. "They, as in the uh, guys you're gonna marry. Your, um, suitors. One's getting really impatient, you'd better get out here."

"Yeah, yeah, let them know I'll be out soon..." You said.

"Will do!" Ace winked. "Oh! And apparently, two of them are identical twins! It's really freaky."

You know that in the grand scheme of things, your problem of choosing a suitor is pretty insignificant, but you're really stressed right now...

"Ah! Hi (Y/N), follow me!" Deuce (another one of your attendants) said to you, waving. "Come on, you have... I think eight potential suitors waiting for you? I'm not sure. We'll find out when we get there!"

"Eight? That's... more than I was expecting..." You said to yourself.

"Apparently it's actually less than we were expecting." Deuce whispered to you. "Just between you and me, who are you thinking of choosing to marry?"

"I have no idea, Deuce, I haven't even met them yet." You said to him.

"Yeah, I guess you have a point." Deuce jokingly asked. "It's sad you have to do this, but look on the bright side! It's for the greater good of our country, right? Oh! Uh! We should get going, shouldn't we?"

"Y-yes, let's get going..."

Your potential suitors were... not too interesting.

Except for that strange pair of twins... but for whatever reason, you didn't exactly feel like you could trust them...

"Hey, (Y/N), you chosen someone yet?" Ace asked you that night, handing you a plate of food. "Though, if I'm being honest, none of them really look your type."

"This is all too stressful and awkward..." You said. "How am I supposed to marry one of these people when I don't know anything about them aside from their names?"

"Well, you have a few days to choose one, don't you?" Ace asked. "You can get to know them in that time. Maybe hold some kind of event to get to know them? Like speed-dating or something."

"That's a good idea." You admitted. "And maybe... maybe it can help relieve tension! I'm sure the other suitors feel the same, I bet they're all feeling awkward about this too... yeah! That'll help put everyone's minds off this whole thing!"

"Oh? You got an idea?"

"We'll have a pool party tomorrow!" You excitedly declared.

"Ooh! That is a good idea!" Ace said to you, smiling. "I'll get someone to clean out the pool and have it decorated for tomorrow!"

Tomorrow is sure to be a wonderful day!

The next day, you were delighted to show your suitors to the pool.

"Today, we're all just going to relax, understand? So like... you aren't all competing to marry me today. Today, we're all just... we're all friends today!"

Everyone looked like they understood..

Yep, looks like today's going to be great!

"Oh! You have a pool? Nice." One of the teal haired twins asked you. "Is it saltwater?"

"Yes, actually!" You responded.

"Oh, cool." He said, a distant-looking smile on his face. "My name's Floyd, by the way. But you knew that already. Since we're engaged and all that-"

"We're not engaged yet." You told him.

"Ehe... you're really short, you know that?" Floyd asked. "I can tell you're gonna choose me."

"Right, well, as I said, we're just relaxing today, s-so no talking about the whole marriage thing, got it...?" You asked.

"Yeah yeah, I got it..." He rolled his eyes jokingly. "Well I guess let's get in the pool!"

...that's right. Everyone's supposed to be relaxing. You included.

Eventually, somebody suggested that everyone should play marco polo! How fun!

With your eyes shut, you blindly stumbled around the pool, shouting out "Marco" every now and again to try and find where everyone was to hopefully tag one of them and have them take your place of blindly walking around.

Then, you heard someone whisper "Polo" right in your ear.

Then, you were pulled under the water and- are they kissing you? This is the exact thing you were trying to take your mind off of!

You opened your eyes to see who it was, and...

It was... Floyd?!

You pushed him away from you and stood up, coughing up the water you'd gotten in your nose and mouth.

"What the HELL, Floyd?!" You yelled out in anger. He just smirked and shrugged.

From there, everything went downhill.

It seems everybody assumed that him kissing you symbolized that the marriage competition was back on.

As everyone started fighting with each other, you silently got out of the pool, and decided to go back inside. Nobody even noticed you leave.

"Well, (Y/N), today didn't go well, but... you know, I'm sure tomorrow will be better!" Deuce told you. "Hey! Apparently you're gonna be doing some ballroom dancing tomorrow! Doesn't that sound fun?"

"No. Not with what happened today." You said.

"I'm sure that whatever happens tomorrow, it won't be worse than today!"

Deuce was wrong with that statement. Oh, he was so wrong.

"Ah, (Y/N)." One of the two Leech twins greeted you as you entered the ballroom. You couldn't tell which one it was, they were nearly completely identical and you didn't know how to tell them apart yet.

"Hello, um..."

"Jade. Jade Leech." He looked amused. "I just wanted to let you know that I deeply apologize for my brother's actions yesterday. What he did was entirely inappropriate, especially considering you had specifically told him and everyone else that the competition for your hand was off for that day."

"At least one of you has common sense." You sighed.

"May I have this dance, your highness~?"

You grabbed Jade's hand and he immediately pulled you into a dance.

You two danced the waltz together. Strangely enough, you found yourself calming down.

Jade is a nice man, but... again, there's something just off-putting about him and his brother. You're definitely not going to marry him, but at least he's nice.

"By the way, (Y/N), I made you a drink, it's just over there if you want it." Jade told you, pointing over to a table near the wall. "And you needn't worry. It's not poisoned, I promise you."

"I... didn't think it was...?"

"Yes, well, your servants thought it was." Jade snickered to himself. "They've tested it for you. And their test proved it was not. I'm aware this may make it sound suspicious. but... you trust me, don't you?"

When the dance finished, you remembered that Jade made you a drink. It's been tested for poison, apparently, and it looks delicious...

What's the harm?

The drink, whatever it was, tasted so... interesting. It was like seven different kinds of fruit, but it didn't taste bad, or anything... it was amazing! You should absolutely compliment him the next time you see him!

For some reason, that night, you went to bed with a terrible stomachache.

When you woke up the next morning, you could tell something was absolutely not right.

"Rise and shine, your highness!" Deuce said, entering your room and opening your window's curtains.

"Wakey-wakey! We made breakfast for ya!" Ace happily said, putting a plate of food on your bedside table.

"Um... (Y/N)? Are you ok?" Deuce asked. "You don't look well at all..."

"Yeah, now that Deucey mentions it... you're not looking too hot. You feeling ok?"

Then, out of nowhere, you threw up on your bedsheets.

Except... it wasn't vomit that had came out of your mouth. It was blood.

"(Y/N)?!"

"What just happened?! A-are you ok?!"

"You bloody idiot, of course they aren't ok! They were clearly poisoned, Deuce!"

"I'm panicking! What else do you expect me to ask?! Who did this to you?!"

"YES!"

"How are they supposed to know who specifically poisoned them?!"

"I don't know, but it'd be better than asking 'ArE yOu Ok?!?!', dumbass!!"

"Whatever! We need to go find someone to help them!"

"Yeah, you're right, but still!" Ace sighed. "(Y/N), we'll be right back with someone who knows what to do in this situation, ok?!"

As soon as those two left, another two people entered your room.

"Heeeeey, (Y/N)~!"

"Greetings. Did you enjoy the drink I made you last night?"

It was the two identical twin sons of the Leech family.

"...you did this to me...!" You said, realizing exactly what Jade was insinuating.

"Yes, yes I did..." Jade gave you a fake sad face. "It was the only way I could think of to get you to choose me."

"W-why would I choose you to marry if you... poisoned me?" You asked.

"Oh poor dear. You don't understand, do you?" Jade asked. "You see, it's a slow-acting poison unique to where I live. And that means only I can cure you."

"We're going to share ya! Of course you'll be married to Jade, but he's already said he'd be fine with it!!" Floyd gave a toothy grin.

"It's true. So you don't even have to choose between the two of us!"

"Why would I ever choose to marry you?!" You asked, before throwing up blood once more.

"Why, it's quite simple, (Y/N)." Jade chuckled to himself. "It's because I know how to make the antidote to that unique poison... and if you don't marry me, well..." Jade had one of the most terrifying smiles you've ever seen. "Then I will simply leave you to die here!"

...

What other choice do you have in this scenario?!

"F-fine, Jade, I'll... I'll marry you!" You started tearing up.

"Perfect. I would've hated to have you vomit up your guts as you writhed on the floor in agony."

"That's a lie and you know it, Jade. You would've thought it was hilarious." Floyd added.

"That was uncalled for, Floyd. Even though it might be true."

Wow. You're being forced into a marriage- well, you were already being forced to marry someone, but this is basically blackmail...

Oh well.

Nothing you can do about it now...

#floyd wasn't too involved in this oops #jade leech #floyd leech #disney twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland #twst #yandere #yandere twst #yandere twisted wonderland #yandere twisted wonderland x reader #yandere twst x reader #yandere jade leech #yandere floyd leech #yandere jade x reader #yandere floyd x reader #yandere jade leech x reader #yandere floyd leech x reader #yandere jade #yandere floyd

[pomeloandtv]

Are you sure we didn't go too big?

We?

I mean "I"

That's right. Who's decision was it to let me pick?

My decision

That's right, you loved the thought of me being unable to turn away from you, out of mind with lust, didn't you?

Yes

And whose idea was it first, to have the augmentation? Mine or yours?

Mine.

And why did you want to do that?

I'd always been interested, but my boobs started to sag after the baby, and then I wanted to do something about it. And I suggested the idea to you. So much changed after the baby...

That's right, but the hypnosis worked for you, the depression passed, didn't it?

Yes

Anyway, so you suggested the boob job first, you wanted this, and you wanted me to pick, so what's the problem?

I'm not sure I wanted this big, they're so heavy...

But now you have an excuse to keep fit, you were never diligent about that before, now you have to keep fit to keep your back strong. So it's good they're heavy, right?

I guess so. But they get in the way...

You love that. You've told me before how hot it can make you feel.

Yeah, but I say that when I'm horny or when I see you notice how big they are. When I'm not horny it can be annoying

Well, it's good that your breasts can make you horny isn't it, so you can enjoy them getting in the way. And remember how your sex drive went away when you were sad after the baby. Isn't it good that it's back, and that you have an extra thing to feel hot about.

It is good that my sex drive is back, but....

And I know you love it when I play with them, I know it must feel great for you, right?

It feels so good

Like now?

Mmmmmm, yeeeaaahhh, mmm

OK, now take that top off, because what I've noticed is how your eyes roll back in your head when I slap them, see?

Nnnnggggggg, oooohhhhh

And I know you love how I describe how fake they are. See how they don't even move like real breasts?

Unnnhhhhh

Like big heavy lumps, the shape of the implant distorting, but still there, real breasts would flow like the sea, but look at these "things" bouncing off each other.

Hnnngg

It gets you so wet to hear me describe you like an object, doesn't it

oh god, yes, but wait, uhhh, please?

Yes?

I, uh, I it always goes like this, recently anyway, I get up the courage to talk to you about something and you make me horny and I can't think and then you just decide, I never win anymore, I dunno, since the hypnosis ...

Hold that thought. *clicks fingers*. Ok good. You know how much worse things were during your depression. The hypnosis cured it. Things are different now, but they're better. I'll reinforce that chain of thought for you later, but for now, you were complaining about your big sexy boobs. Wake.

... um? ....

Go on?

Uhhh. Um, I was talking about my big *squeezing* sexy boobs? uhhh, yeah

Complaining, you were complaining about them

Yeah, uh my friends, my sisters, some of them are surprised with how big I went, shocked even. Diane and Bobby want to host a barbecue pool party next month. Diane made me promise I wouldn't wear a bikini. A one piece, high collar at most, she said

Really?

She, uh, she didn't say it, but I think she thinks they're obscene, and her boys, well they're teenagers now...

She thinks *you're* obscene? Your friend does?

Well, not me, my breasts.

Can you go to the party without these *slap* melons?

No

Some friend.

But, everyone was shocked. You told me to lie and tell everyone I was going for a "small D", and then afterwards tell them I got up the courage to ask for what I really wanted at the last minute.

But you know how hot I found that, you did that for me, remember. Are you regretting it?

No, um no, I'm glad. I remember, the month after I healed, we visited everyone, how, much you loved how shocked everyone was, and, yeah it is hot, they never imagined I would do that. I loved it too.

So what's the problem? Why are we talking about this? Do you love your breasts or not?

This isn't going the way I hoped. There's other stuff too?

I'm listening

People just stare all the time, strangers, I, sometimes it is annoying.

Sometimes? Remember before the surgery when we spent the week away, and you wore the inserts the whole time?

Yes

You loved how everyone stared.

Yes, but that was a holiday, holidays feel easier, always. Its a different mood to real life. And you were always there, and seeing you be proud, showing me off, you're not always there.

And remember last week in Ikea?

Yes

You specifically said to me was how much you loved "being the yummy mummy with the loud heels and the huge rack"

I know, I did, I do.

And remember what I said to you?

You said everyone who wants to look at my tits knows where to find me, they just need to follow the sound of my heels

And then?

And we were in a little mock kitchen and you put your hand down my jeans and fingered me and showed me how wet your finger was *giggles, squeezing boobs*

You love your huge tits

Yeah, I do, but it's still sometimes annoying, when you're not there. People aren't listening to me, or are being too nice...

You've been hot all your life, you're used to people being too nice

Yes, but now, with big boobs they're even nicer. I used to have an idea which people were genuine and which were just being nice because I was hot, but now it is impossible to tell, even people who act uninterested, I'm thinking are they over compensating because of my huge boobs?.

Ok, you're right, before some people were only being nice because of your looks and now even more will be nice because of your looks and boobs. But this is good too

How?

Before, there were times when you could believe one particular person was being sincere. But there was always a chance you would be wrong and trust someone you shouldn't. Now that everyone is being even nicer it is harder for you to distinguish fact from fiction, and you know this, and this means you won't make the mistake to trust someone who you shouldn't

That means I should always assume everyone is treating me different because of my boobs? Is that good?

It means you won't be hurt. *kneading boobs again*. Even when people are disinterested, you should always assume they are over compensating for the effect of your boobs. I'll work on that idea later

What do you mean "work on it later?"

Hold that thought *clicks fingers* You're complaining about your boobs, worried about people being too nice. But you feel like you've lost the argument. None of your points felt as substantive outside your head as inside. You feel so stupid. My arguments always seem so strong and obvious and logical. And now you worry that you are annoying me or boring me. If there is any different argument you haven't said yet, try now so you don't have to start this conversation again later, but you definitely would love to mollify any annoyance I have by getting me to squeeze your boobs again. Wake

I dunno, sometimes they're too much, people are so weird, not trusting anyone, I dunno. I ... it's fine, I, uh, I just needed to vent, I do love them so much, I'm glad you got them. I, one thing, I worry about the effect it might have on our son. Or if we have a daughter. Like, if they're Mom has these enormous fake breasts, and is nearly always showing off cleavage... is that a problem? Am I hurting them?

That's a stupid thing to say

Wha , stupid, I...what, why would you....??

Listen to me

...

Do you want your children to have a mother who hides who they are, who tries to be a person they are not, who lives a life oppressing herself? Who lives by other peoples standards and not her own? Is that the kind of influence you want to be to them?

No, but, I ... I didn't used to be like this though, things have changed

But you've already told me several times you love it, were you lying?

No! I mean, I ... I'm sorry baby, I'm just feeling funny. I do love everything. I don't want to be a bad influence to our son, you'll see. And you're right. Thank you for explaining it to me, I feel better now.

Cheered up?

Yeah *brave smile*

*big squeeze* You like them huge don't you?

Uhhh, *giggle* yap.

You love being huge for me

*under her breath* I looooooove it

And you know how much I love it that people we don't know who live around here, they all recognise you as the mom with the huge fakes. You make me very happy.

yayyyyyyy!

Ok, here, take care of this

Mmmm, I love how hard you are!

*said between squeezing and sucking and biting her tits* You do that to me, your tits do that to me. It's your fault.

I love that I do that to you! Making you so hard so often makes me feel so good!

I know it does, and it makes me happy that you find meaning being my slut

*giggling* yeah, I'm a slut for you. Just tell me what I need to do for you, to be exactly what you need, to make me feel this good, I'll do it

Ha! You'd change for me again, wouldn't you slut?

Uh, wait...

Shhh, lay back so I can absolutely annihilate you

~~~ LATER ~~~

Um, earlier in bed, I, uh, when I said I would change, I meant like, hair or clothes or something, but I don't know if you meant that though

Hold that thought *clicks fingers* You want to ask about what I said about changing, but you already tried to ask me one thing today, and it didn't go well, all your arguments went nowhere. You feel so stupid and weak, better not say anything and feel stupid and weak again. Ask me about your friend Diane. Wake.

Um, uh. Where? Oh, so Diane, um I wanted to talk about her, sometimes I'm so stupid, what did I want to say?

Was it about the barbecue, the bikini.

I don't know. Maybe?

Listen, if she is your friend, she should accept you how you are. If she doesn't want to invite your tits to the party, then she doesn't want to invite you. Talk to her about it. If she can't see reason here, you should think hard about your friendship with her.

But I've known her since middle school!

And I expect she will see sense, but sometimes people change, and if she is no longer someone who supports their friends, I'm not saying ditch her immediately, but you do need to examine your friendship with her. You survived post-natal depression, we, as a family, survived it. You don't need toxic, controlling people in your life, telling you what to do. Do you?

I guess not

And you can always talk to me, you know that, right?

Yes, I know

#story

[crisalidaseason]

College au!Armin x gn!reader

Summary: Moments that led Armin, who promised to never open his heart for love again, to reconsider his own stong convictions when he met a certain someone.

Content warning: insecurities, previous heartbreak, failed previous relationship, fear of loving again, fluff, strangers to friends to pre-lovers, pining, falling in love, awkwardness, but also cute, Armin is anxious, Armin studies Psychology, everyone is college/university age, a little slow burn? (like they only hold hands here). Reader has a contextual nickname (Ev) because I can't stand the use of y/n (sorry), reader is latine coded but is really implicit, reader is not specified aside from the fact they are a history student.

Text abreviations and specifications: PCAS studies (Pre-colombian american societies). Ev is a nickname from a name that means 'flourish' 'grow' which I thought to be appropriate to the story.

Whoever decided that getting a university degree was essential for basic survival needed to be punched really hard. Armin sighed for the millionth time while the PCAS professor proceeded to read yet another slide.

"This guy is just fucking reading for the past 3 hours" he muttered under his breath.

"True. Isn't he supposed to be smart and teach something?" a voice said behind his seat.

Armin cursed internally, was he too loud?

"Honestly I think he's just as miserable as we are"  they said once again.

Armin chuckled a little, agreeing, and turned to face the voice. Big mistake. The person was really, really, nice looking. He stared at their features for a little too long, quickly turning back on his seat feeling a little embarrassed.  

The rest of the lecture progressed for about two hours, at an agonizing pace. Once the professor declared the class as finished, nobody stayed there for even a minute. Armin was already outside when he noticed the same person from before. He didn't know them at all, but that wasn't a surprise since Armin barely talked to people outside of his friend group. They were alone, sitting in one of the benches. A small and scary side of Armin wanted to go there and speak with the beautiful stranger.

_____

Armin caught himself hoping to see the stranger again throughout the week, and he was not happy about it. Armin felt the beginning of a crush and he was terrified of that. The last time he pursued something with a crush, he ended up on a relationship that left him very sad in the end. He did not need another failed romantic interaction, Armin would bury and drown that crush immediately.

"Would you mind if I sat next to you?" a voice startled him.

He was waiting for PCSA class to start, sitting at the very back of the seat rows in hopes to not encounter the pretty stranger again. He failed, they were right next to him.

"Um, no" he managed to say, stuttering.

They sat a chair away from Armin, which he appreciated. The small distance calmed his nerves a little bit.

"Can I ask you a question?" the stranger said.

Armin had to hold his tongue. They technically already asked him a question? He just nodded, not trusting his mouth not to embarrass him.

"What's your course? It's the first time I see you in a class full of history students"

"I'm studying psychology" his voice didn't fail him this time.

"Interesting" they said "what brings you to my humble course?"

Oh, so they were a history student. Strangely, Armin thought it fit them.

"Honestly, I just thought the name was cool and took the class"

"A pity that the professor is really boring though, makes a pretty bad first impression huh?" they said.

"I guess so, but the texts are good. Very difficult, but good"

"Oh, would you like some help with the texts? I kinda research on this, I can give you a hand"

Armin really wanted to say no, he really did. Why would he accept such an offer if he was already crushing this hard and didn't even know the stranger's name? He was such a loser, starting to fall for someone who spared him seconds of attention.

"That's nice of you, thanks"

"All you have to do is ask" they replied "Oh! You can call me Ev"

They offered their hand, which Armin took shakily.

"I'm Armin"

Soon the class started and Armin had to endure four hours of the professor reading endless slides. Occasionally Ev would make a few comments directed to Armin, and also explain a few confusing topics when he needed. He was still conflicted with their presence, but that was a problem for later.

___

Ev always sat next to Armin during the class  and with that came a few study sessions in the library. He said yes to all their invitations, contrary to his own advice of not engaging with the stranger anymore. He blamed it on his curious brain, always wanting to learn something new. He decided to only interact with Ev about study related stuff, but that soon proved to be impossible. They would always offer to drive Armin to his apartment, claiming that they were going the same way anyways.

"You like Paramore too?"

Ev once had asked Armin to pick a song to listen to while driving.

"Yes, since I was a teen" he replied.

"Same! I was obsessed. Have all the albums in vinyl and all"

"Really? That's so cool, I never owned a vinyl disc before"

"I'll send you a picture of them once I get home"

Both were texting. Mainly to schedule studying sessions, but soon they started to chat a little. Armin would give out random book recommendations or comment on a recent tv show that blew up. In return, Ev would share pictures of their field trips to museums and archives, even some random and cute pic of a stray cat. Armin soon found himself craving the growing connection, which scared him a lot.

"There's nothing wrong with opening up" Mikasa had told him when he confessed his growing crush "But you also don't need to jump into a relationship or anything, just enjoy this connection and go slow"

He appreciated his friend a lot, she was there for him when he cried after the sudden breakup with his ex. Mikasa was one of the only people that didn't expect him to just 'bounce back' from the heartbreak. He loved all of his friends, but most of them pretended not to notice how hurt he still was. They thought it was easy to forget someone you cherished and cared for intensely, which was Armin's biggest issue. He loved too hard.

___

"Ugh! I hated this test with all of my vital strength" Ev complained while leaving the lecture hall.

Armin was right behind them, feeling like a failure. What kind of professor asks for a six page discourse on multiple authors as a mid term? With only four hours to write it?

"He is boring, but evil" Armin said.

"Yeah, I'm probably gonna fail this class" they groaned "let's eat our frustration out, care for brunch? My treat"

"It's the middle of the afternoon," Armin reasoned.

"And?" they smiled, dragging Armin by the hand.

And with that, the 'dates-not-dates' started. They would often go out and explore some new restaurant or cafe. Ev knew a lot of indie places, all of them near the historical center. Armin found it sweet that a history student was always hanging out in historical places. He even visited an archeology museum during closed hours because of Ev's free-pass as an intern, which was an experience that Armin would never forget.

"Thank you for today" Armin said when they dropped him off at his apartment complex "It was one of the coolest museum experiences I've ever had"

Even if Ev was nothing but a passing crush or just another temporary person in his life, Armin couldn't deny both of them were building good memories.

"No big deal, Arlert. Whenever you want a historical tour, just give me a call" they smiled.

He smiled, closing the car door and watching it drive away. Mikasa was sitting on the couch when he entered the apartment, sending him a questioning look and a teasing smile.

"Don't say a word, Mika"

___

The evening was quiet. Him and Ev were eating in their car after a very long day of studying together for their final test in PCAS. His head was hurting after all those readings and he wanted nothing more than to collapse into his bed and sleep forever.

"Can I tell you something?" Ev's voice was low.

Armin nodded.

"You're really cool"

At that he almost hit his head on the roof of the car with how fast he jolted. Ev started giggling a little.

"Please don't give yourself a concussion over a compliment, Arlert"

"Um, sorry, I just-" he sighed, trying to calm down "that was a little unexpected, that's all"

"Sorry, didn't mean to make you uncomfortable" Ev said, face way more serious.

"You don't make me uncomfortable" he assured them "In fact it's quite the opposite"

Okay he lied a little bit, Ev did make him uncomfortable. Not on purpose though, Armin was always overthinking their interactions, and that made him uncomfortable. Ev didn't reply, but Armin noticed how they were not looking at him anymore.

"I really mean it" they finally said "you're very cool, Armin"

"So are you" he smiled at them.

The car fell silent again, but not as awkward as before. Armin couldn't help but feel like 'you're very cool' was not really what he wanted to say. He wanted to tell them how pretty they were, how their infinite rambling about random historical facts were adorable, about their cute quirks and mannerisms. Armin wanted to say more than he should, he was feeling things he shouldn't feel.

"So" Ev broke the silence "After almost four months of studying with you, I can say I'll miss you dying of boredom next to me during classes"

He laughed a little, it was surely a very boring class.

"I think I might take a few more classes in history, what do you suggest?"

"I think one of my favorite professors is going to teach History of Private Life. Armin, you're gonna love this! It's full of historical gossip and we can judge everyone during our study sessions!"

Ev was excitedly telling him about all the possibilities, giving him reasons to take that class (as if Armin could keep himself away from them at this point).

"Thank you again for the ride, Ev" he said once they parked near his home.

"You're always welcome"

Before Armin could open the door he felt them grasp the sleeve of his hoodie.

"Armin"

He nodded, encouraging them to speak.

"I..." they let go of his sleeve "nevermind, maybe another day"

"You're sure? I'm all ears"

"Yes, yes! It's not important enough to say now. I can wait" they said, seemingly upset.

He wanted to ask again, try to understand why they seemed to change moods so suddenly, but he let it go. Despite their four months as classmates, he didn't want to intrude on Ev's privacy. No matter how familiarly terrible that scenario was for him.

"Okay, Ev. We can talk about it when you feel more comfortable, okay?"

They nodded, still not looking at Armin but visibly less rigid. While the car drove away, Armin felt heavy and lost. He couldn't help but remember the last time he had a conversation like that, when his ex was preparing to break things up for weeks but kept giving up last minute. He knew this wasn't the same situation since him and Ev were not dating, but he felt the same anxiety as before. The anxiety that someone might leave you behind and close their chapter in your life suddenly.

Armin hated to admit that he shed some tears that night.

___

It was about 10 a.m. when a notification alerted Armin that he had a message, which he quickly looked into.

Ev: Aaaaarmeeeen

Ev: Armin

Ev: professor posted the grades!!!!!

You: Finally, it's almost the end of summer break

Ev: WAIT DONT LOOK YET

Ev: Lets look together pls, I can pick u up and we can open it together

Ev: And eat our happiness or depression together depending on results

You: Sure sure

Ev: on my way in 10, darling

He blushed hard at the endearment. They didn't do this often but Armin felt funny things when they called him 'darling' or 'handsome'. He shook his head and decided to change to more presentable clothes.

"Where are you going?" Eren said when he crossed the kitchen door. The other man was heating up some pizza from last evening.

"A friend invited me to go out"

Eren's stupid smirky face went even more stupid.

"You mean the one who constantly drives you around, spoils you with food and conveniently is crushing on you HARD?"

"You're fucking annoying most of the time, you know that?"

Eren laughed.

"And they are NOT crushing on me, Eren"

"Oh yes they are, I only saw the two of you together once and they had heart eyes and all, Arlert"

Armin ignored him and left the apartment once Ev announced they arrived.

"Have a nice date!" Eren yelled.

"Fuck you, Jaeger" Armin replied back.

He jumped into the familiar car, greeting Ev. They looked beautifull that day, he had to keep himself from staring at them for too long. Maybe two weeks off made him forget how used he was to seeing Ev regularly.

"Ready?" they said, taking their phone out.

Both of them were sitting in a small coffee shop, waiting for their orders to arrive. Armin pulled his phone out and logged into the uni's system, clicking on the PCAS subject and grades. He nodded to Ev, who silently counted to three.

"YESSS" they happily celebrated "I got an 8, which is honeslty more than I expected. You?"

"I passed too" Armin said.

"How much?"

He did not want to say. What if Ev got upset? He wanted them to be happy and not bummed that a pshycology major got a 9 on a subject he wasn't even good at!

"Not important, let's eat"

"Armeeeeeen"

"Food, Ev. Food!"

"Come ooon, I wanna see. You worked so hard, I want to know if my teachings were good"

Armin sighed, showing them the pdf with his report.

"A nine? Armin that's fucking amazing!!! I'm so proud of you"

They offered their hand for a high five, and Armin couldn't resist not giving one.

"I knew you would get a good grade, you're incredibly smart"

"Only because I had a good teacher"

They shared their meal of happiness, while trash talking the professor and planning for the next class they wanted to take together. Armin was incredibly happy that they would be able to see each other for six more months. He wanted to have as much time as he could by their side, for as long as Ev wanted him around.

"Do you wanna go for a walk? It's such a nice day" Armin offered, looking at how beautiful the park nearby was looking that day.

Ev nodded eagerly and both left the small coffee shop, crossing the street to reach the park. There were a few people around with their kids and pets, but not enough to crowd the place. Armin guided Ev to a quiet area where they could watch the dogs play in the distance.

"I like this" Ev commented "when we hang out outside of study hours"

"Yeah, me too" Armin replied "It's nice knowing you"

"It's nice knowing you too, even your sassy side"

He got all red again. It's not like he wants to be sassy, but it helps him cope with stress. He tried to ignore his flushed cheeks and ears, he did not need Ev teasing him for that.

"Hey Armin" they said after a few moments of silence "do you remember that night before the final? When I wanted to say something?"

He was not red from embarassment anymore, but his face started to feel hot again from the sheer anxiety that settled on his stomach. He hoped they were fast, if it was bad news.

"I just wanted to say that I really like you, and all the things we do together. I have to admit I was a little worried we would never see each other again"

"Why?" he asked.

"I don't know. I was scared that once we didn't share a class anymore we wouldn't have any reason to hang out"

He was also afraid of that, but knowing Ev was just as worried eased his mind. That could only mean they at least enjoyed Armin's presence the same way he enjoyed theirs.

"Hey, you're not getting rid of me. Who's going to help me get another 9 and also make me laugh with weird historical facts?"

Ev smiled and softly shoved him.

"You would never survive without me"

"Sure I wouldn't"

He looked at them softly, feeling less anxious and hopeful of their near future. Ev got closer to him, brushing their shoulders together and eventually their hands. Armin wanted to hold their hand so bad, but he waited for Ev to make a move to make sure he did not mistook things. He wanted to make sure he was not reading too much into Ev and end up making them uncomfortable.

"Armin, is it okay if I hold your hand?"

Armin's brain almost had a short circuit right there and then. They wanted to hold his hands, Ev wanted to hold Armin Arlert's hands! He nodded quickly, absolutely not trusting his words to even be coherent.

"You're so cute" they commented.

He felt their fingers lace on his own and both hands were sweaty, of course. Armin didn't care that much as long as he could feel their hand on his for a little longer.

#aot #attack on titan #armin arlert #eren jaeger #snk #mikasa ackerman #aot x reader #armin x reader #armin arlert x reader #armin x yn

[archivalofsins]

Let's talk about the Dissociation Gang a little more~

X

"I will deny you, a distorted image needs to be purged. Let's strangle his throat thoroughly, so he will never talk back."

"I’m the one who chose, let you and you and you all in -Happy or Sad? Why decide? Where’d you get your half-baked sense of justice? So, nauseating...so creepy...will you please disappear?" X

Q.06 What do you hate?

Mikoto: working overnight / reptiles / violence

Q.09 What do you think about Kotoko’s attacks?

Haruka: Scary- But aren’t they all the people you thought were bad?

Yuno: Is she an idiot? Nothing’s going to change in the world if you just act out violently where everyone can see.

"Nice to meet you, my name is Kashiwagi Yuuko! Well then, where shall we go? I don’t need to be lectured to like that. Do you just want to make yourself feel even better? I won't be bothered...."

Q.16 Do you have anyone you hate?

Haruka: I don’t have the right to do that

Yuno: People who like to lecture you.

Q.06 What do you think of your father?

Haruka: I don’t think he was particularly interested in me

Yuno: Didn’t you ask about my family structure before? I don’t have one, remember?

Q.08 Do you have any memories of fun times in your childhood?

Haruka: I had fun when I was little. My mother was kind to me then.

Yuno: It was always fun. I think that’s pretty normal.

"That's right- You know those sorts of people who just want to convince themselves; so, they stick their nose into the affairs of others knowing it's not their place? I despise those sorts of people the most. They're only getting involved to make themselves feel better, right? In the end they never actually accomplish anything."

"Yuno..."

"No matter how many chilling memories I had to endure, those people never gave me any warmth. He-he I ended up going off topic there! Um, what did I wanna say again?"

"Where’d you get your half-baked sense of justice? So, nauseating...so creepy...will you please disappear “Phew. Anyway!”."

"Er, so…… could you listen to what I say without laughing? I……Hinako, I love you more than anything. I'm so dumb; why did I have to dream?"

Q.04 Are your family proud of you?

Kazui: Nope. They probably don’t consider me anything more than an embarrassment.

Amane: Of course. You couldn’t find a more exemplary daughter than me.

Q.07 Do you like yourself?

Kazui: Well, not especially I suppose.

Amane: I’ve never really thought about myself in terms of “like” or “dislike”, but I do think I’m a good child.

Q.08 Which do you prioritise between logic and feelings?

Kazui: I put my feelings first and it ended badly. So, I don’t want to act just based on feelings again.

Amane: Both are unimportant.

"Alright, I see you're very professional for your age. Heh, ha-ha. Well, you've told me a lot so let me return the favor. We haven't really had this sort of self-introduction. So, it's sort of refreshing. Once again, I'm Mukuhara Kazui, age 39. Nice to meet you, warden."

Liberties have been taken but we is literally what he uses in the translation I'm looking at.

"Hah ha, ha, ha was Shidou like this as well? Well, he's really calm and relaxed, isn't he? He seems like the type to not become unsettled in unfamiliar situations."

"Are you any different? You've been acting all cheerful as well."

"Mmm- Do I seem that way? That's good."

"What's so good about it? I don't like this. That shallow smile you've consciously crafted just to present yourself a certain way. Only acting based on how you want others to view you- while wearing that expression full of lies."

"This is, this is... Well, you're pretty strict. Ah ha, ha. It's not as though I'm not scared either."

"..."

"But- I've got a responsibility that comes with being older, too. Even in an abnormal situation like this, there's no way I could just let myself panic in front of the kids. Well, even if it's fake... Adults need to keep up a smile in order to not let the young ones down, you know."

20/06/19

Kazui: By the way…… thanks, Shina-chan. You keep going around and talking to people to make sure the mood never gets too sour, right? It’s a big help. We’re all in here together, after all. If a fight broke out the whole group could fall apart.

Mahiru: ……eh? Huh~? Ah, no, I’m just talking to people because I personally want to talk. All the kids are so cute, so I can’t help but want to fuss over them! A fight, huh… But if that ever happened, then you’ll definitely be a big help, right~? Since you’re so big! And buff!

Kazui: Ahh, no. I mean, I’ll do what I can. Based on appearance, as long as nobody has a weapon, I think I can probably get everyone under control…… No, we should just hope that nothing like that ever happens.

Mahiru: You know, I quite like watching martial arts, actually. I don’t really get it, but it looks super cool. Hi-yah! Hi-yah!

20/07/08

Yuno: Hey, Mikoto-san. Don’t you get tired of being so conscious of others all the time? I mean, you’re free to do what you want though.

Mikoto: Eh…… Aha, what are you talking about? I’m not being conscious or anything. It’s normal to make sure to get along with everyone, right? I mean, when you put it like that, aren’t you the same, Yun-chan? You’re always smiling and getting on with everyone too.

Yuno: I don't smile unless I actually want to. But with you, when you're talking with other people it's more like you only smile deliberately. So, I kept thinking, don't your cheeks get tired? Ah, is this just what happens when you become a working adult? ......you see people like that sometimes.

Mikoto: Haha, you don’t mince your words do you. …….that was never my intention, but now that you mention it, yeah, I guess I do. This might’ve been since I started my job too…… But like, if I was rude to everyone I met, all my efforts would come to nothing, right?

20/08/02

Mahiru: Yeah, I’m asking for what you like in the opposite sex! I mean, with a lifestyle like this we have a lot of free time, right? So earlier when I was talking with all the other girls we got onto the topic! It’s not often you get a chance like this to live with a mix of men and women together, so I thought it might be nice to use the chance to talk about stuff like this in preparation for when we leave.

Kazui: Ah…… Haha, I understand. I can see that’d be the sort of thing girls your age would be interested in, huh. How peaceful. What I like in the opposite sex… I don’t know if what I say will really be a good reference for you…… Ah, you know, since I’m at this age. I like a girl who can just smile free of worries. Seeing that’d make my old, tired heart feel young again.

Yuno: Uh-huh, I see, I see. ……that’s a total lie, right?

Kazui: Haha…… Give me a break here. You sure don’t make things easy for people, Kashiki-chan.

"Father is a very praiseworthy person. Once his virtue increases, he'll come back home, right? It's a little lonely, but I'm fine! I'm sorry! Sorry! I'm sorry for breaking the rules! You've scorned me! And you've scored God! You won’t be forgiven! I definitely won’t forgive you!"

Q.02  Who do you look up to?

Kazui: You won’t know them even if I say, but I have a childhood friend I really respect. Sorry for just answering someone from my personal life.

Amane: My father. He’s been away on a trip for a while, but I think that’s very honourable of him.

Q.09 Tell us your family structure.

Kazui: It’s only me now.

Amane: It was my father, my mother and me.

Q.13 Who do you want to see right now?

Kazui: They won’t see me anymore.

Amane: My father. I want him to praise me for all my hard work.

Q.03 If you were able to get away with anything, what would you want to do?

Kazui: I’d like to try living honestly.

Amane: Nothing in particular. I don’t feel I’m lacking anything.

Despite saying that she feels there's nothing she's particularly lacking when question seventeen comes up she answers with,

Q.17 If the world was going to end tomorrow, what would you do?

Kazui: Relax and go trawling. The childhood friend I mentioned before has a boat.

Amane: You mean if absolutely everything was going to end? In that case, I’d probably do a bunch of things I’ve never done before.

Meaning that Amane would probably do many things that she couldn't get away with doing when tomorrow came around if there was a guarantee that it would never come around.

Q.06  What would you say is the difference between adults and children?

Kazui: Responsibility. Adults can’t just do whatever they want.

Amane: I don’t think there’s a strict boundary. There are adults who act like children just as there are children who are mature like adults.

Q.07 Do you like yourself?

Kazui: Well, not especially I suppose.

Amane: I’ve never really thought about myself in terms of “like” or “dislike”, but I do think I’m a good child.

Q.08 Which do you prioritise between logic and feelings?

Kazui: I put my feelings first and it ended badly. So, I don’t want to act just based on feelings again.

Amane: Both are unimportant.

Q.14  Do you listen to music?

Kazui: I guess I do from time to time. It’s all super old music though, so I don’t think you’ll know it.

Amane: I don’t particularly listen to it for fun.

"AAAHHHHHHHHHH!! DESTROY EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING!! AHHHH! You’re all fucking annoying! I’ll beat you all to death, pieces of shit!!! My life... it wasn't supposed to be this way..."

Q.01 Tell us your family structure.

Mikoto: My mother, me, and my younger sister. My sister’s a blossoming high school student.

Q.16 What’s your relationship like with your parents?

Mikoto: My parents are divorced. I get along well with my mother though, she’s the one who raised me. I don’t want to make her worry.

Q.10 Do you ever get angry at other people?

Mikoto: I don’t really... Don’t you think it’s kinda shameful, getting mad?

Q.13 Do you tend to be forgetful?

Mikoto: Ahh… Lately it’s maybe happened a lot.

Q.20 Are you more of a morning person or a night person?

Mikoto: I used to be basically nocturnal. Recently though I’ve been falling asleep pretty early.

Q.28 How do you decide what clothes to wear for the day?

Haruka: I wear what’s there

Yuno: I pick something to match with the person I’ll be with.

X

So, with all of that out of the way let's talk about what I recently learned. I was looking into information on alters yesterday and learned there's a such thing as non-human alters. For this post I'll specifically be focusing on animal alters-

X oh and this X The second link is not for the faint of heart and deals with incredibly heavy topics in detail.

So, you know what this means?

"HARROW, HARROW!"

Dissociative Gang Final member found.

Skill- Dissociative on Dissociative Violence unlocked. :D

I'm so sorry dissociative pack of hounds- I was uninformed and dismissive before. Though now that I've learned this I can't unsee it.

This new information recontextualizes a lot of Kotoko's behavior. Along with making it possible for people to now speculate the reason Kotoko was so quick to state Mikoto's behavior was indicative of dissociative identity disorder is because she may have been diagnosed with it at a point.

Something that tracks if we take a step back to question why someone going to law school would need to know the symptoms of dissociative identity disorder or be capable of spotting them in others?

Q.07 What did you study at university?

Kotoko: Technically, I’m studying law. I’m on a break right now because there’s something else, I want to do, though.

Q.12 What is your motto?

Kotoko: “There’s no other way that could let us live, so I walk this path.” [TN: Quote from Mushanokouji Saneatsu.]

Considering everyone else this explains why Jackalope said a situation like Mikoto's was the first they had. Along with why he'd be so annoyed by it and embarrassed by it.

This also gives Kotoko's actions a bit more nuance. Her disdain towards Mikoto possibly being a projection of her own self-loathing, something that's alluded to within her first cover Anti Beat.

"Painfully unpleasant, come and receive this punishment for loving me." - "If I'm told, 'I love all of you every single part', I'll just be filled with hate. I absolutely detest the 'me' that loves you." - "I just want to die already, so I can finally be at ease. Anti Beat. But all I know is pain and I'm stuck with no way to escape."

On top of that, it would make sense for her to become more hostile towards Mikoto even understanding that he has dissociative identity disorder after his verdict to better distance herself from him. Something that she's been attempting to do from the beginning all while suspecting he had this.

20/07/01

Mikoto: Hey, hey, Koto-chan. I’ve been thinking this ever since I first heard your name, but don’t you think the names “Mikoto” and “Kotoko” kinda sound like siblings?

Kotoko: No.

Mikoto: Don’t say that! Let’s get along well from here on as the Koto-Koto combo!

Kotoko: I’m not doing that.

Q.14  Are there any prisoners you don’t get on with?

Kotoko: Mikoto. He’s loud and bothersome.

Especially since Kotoko wants to align herself with Milgram. Regardless of her personal feelings on Mikoto or anyone else here she'd do what was necessary to reach her objective.

Q.15 Which is more important, the objective or the means?

Kotoko: Objective. Does that not go without saying?

This also makes it an even split between prisoners that show dissociative tendencies and those who do not. This facet of Kotoko's character can tie into her need to be a part of the group with the most control. Unlike others who are hostile towards Milgram and are actively looking to collect information on it in order to combat the system.

Amane and Kotoko both try to align themselves with the facility.

Amane stated that if she were forgiven then maybe the facility and herself could work together. Kotoko took it a step further, endearing herself to the system by protecting one of its agents at the detriment of the group.

She stopped the one person physically capable of fighting Es from doing so all to be in a closer proximity of power. A reasonable extension of Futa's mob mentality into system-justification. Kotoko while presenting as believing in Milgram's System is attempting to endear herself to it not necessarily because she views Milgram as right but because she does not wish to be viewed as wrong.

In many instances people who deviate from societal norms in one way will overcompensate in another to avoid being discriminated against. So, Kotoko's insistence on being Milgram's fang could be a defense mechanism brought about by her own hypervigilance. Since, she very well may have learned through her life experiences that as long as she's useful people will let her do what she wants.

This could also be why instead of intervening immediately Kotoko sits back and let's Es get beaten up for a bit. Because as shown in Harrow she doesn't care about intervening before harm is done but only about if she can intervene at a moment where her violence appears justifiable.

However, she very well could have been debating with herself over who was really the bad guy in that situation since after she helps Es she does bring up her misgivings in regard to Mikoto being judged. If Kotoko was observing up to the point Es kicked her out she would have seen Es at points purposely doing things that stressed Mikoto out. Something she's shown to be uncomfortable with even in good fun as she almost intervenes when Yuno, Futa, Kazui, and Mikoto are playing a word game in the minigram because Kazui appears visibly stressed and as though he's being harassed.

Actively having to tell this wolf to wait a second.

Q.20 What do you consider “evil”?

Kotoko: The persecution of the weak and innocent.

Under this framing her behavior could be considered attempting to come off as one of the good ones. There are people like that amongst multiple groups regardless of the circumstances. People will attempt to differentiate themselves from the more undesirable aspects associated with certain immutable traits they have to avoid stigmatization.

This could play into her disdain towards Mikoto due to how his dissociative traits present themselves. His presentation may very well come off as jarring or offensive to her maybe even bringing up some bad memories consequently. She only says that she dislikes him because he's loud and bothersome but ultimately doesn't go into depth on how so.

She also clashes with Yuno and Kazui as well. Yuno specifically stating she'd never be friends with someone like her, Kotoko has threatened Kazui, and when she was tutoring Amane she bluntly states that Amane isn't as smart as she thought she'd be. We haven't gotten a portal timeline of Amane studying with anyone since that either.

20/06/18

Amane: Thank you very much for teaching me. ……but, though I realise it’s strange me saying this after I asked you, I must admit it’s kind of unexpected. You give off the impression of someone who wouldn’t want to get involved in things like this.

Kotoko: ……well, you’re not wrong. I’m surrounded by people who could all be murderers, so I don’t plan on going out of my way to talk and make friends. I can’t let my guard down. But I like ambitious people like you. If you want to study more, then I’m happy to teach.

Amane: I see…… You look scary at first impression, but I quite like the way you treat everyone equally regardless of whether they’re older or younger than you. You don’t just treat me like a child or anything like that.

Kotoko: Treat you like a child? Hah, you’ve got to be kidding. Back when I was your age, I was already the person I am today. I don’t have any plans to let you get away with something just “because you’re a child.” ……remember that. There, I’ve finished marking. 83%. How do I put it… Even though you act like this, it’s not like you’re super brilliant at studying or anything, huh.

We also have yet to see Amane speak to Kotoko again after this happened. Just saying when Mikoto went up to Kotoko and said I figured no one would wish you happy birthday he probably would have still had good reason to think that even if she didn't jump anyone.

(Star here! This would put an interesting spin on this part of the voice drama:

Es: You have to ask them why… to watch them interact with each other… for the sake of… understanding them more…

Kotoko: Guard-san?

Es: “Gurad-san”… is that really… me?

Kotoko: *slams table(?)*

Es: Ough…!

Kotoko: Don’t space out. The interrogation isn’t over.

Es: … Yeah.

Kotoko: Eh, well, if you’re done with it anyway, then it’s not a problem.

Es: …

Kotoko: Guard-san? No… Es. Don’t you want to join forces with me? I think the two of us will make good partners

With the idea that Kotoko not only has d.i.d but knows ways to mitigate/alleviate the pitfalls of having such disorder, this comes off moreso as her trying to ground Es. She then proceeds to avoid using the term Guard as that appeared to be the trigger for a dissociative episode on Es' part.

Also, to bring up a point about d.i.d from earlier in this post, you could make the argument that this answer comes from a place of denial or avoiding talking about a negative experience in her past by using the loophole that it didn't happen to her personally:

Q.18 Have you ever personally been prosecuted in the past?

Kotoko: I haven't. But are you trying to say that if you haven't had those experiences, you can't hate evildoers?)

Gunsli here, other than all that I really don't know what else to say. It's late and I've been typing all this up since midafternoon. I hope this all makes sense.

#milgram #kashiki yuno #mukuhara kazui #momose amane #kayano mikoto

[thedevilsoftruth]

Haven't posted in a while, but something that was really bugging me a lot was some shit I noticed when rewatching the Moon Knight series that I think a lot of comic book fans could relate to. I know, Mr " um actually " comic book guy is talking right now but imma need you all to bare with me here for a second. and before any of you start typing, please remember everything said here is MY opinion. All I ask is that you're respectful. I'm going to start of with how I don't understand the hype around this motherfucker.

Literally the most whiniest mf in the ENTIRETY of the MCU. The only people who can like or tolerate this bitch are mfs who have 9 hours of daily screen time on TikTok, listen to hyperpop music and think that he's a soft uwu meow meow baby girl hurt emo princess boy.

Moon Knight is literally one of the most metal superheros out there and the directors saw that and said, " now imagine that but we make his woman so much better than him and water him down and completely change his back story and then wipe our asses with it, spit on it and then pretend we were trying to show representation. " Like what the fuck are you fucking doing?

My first problem is that I felt like this show focused too much on Layla and her relationship to Marc... Nvm, Sorry I lied. Not Marc, fucking STEVEN. This show isn't about " Layla ", its about MARC and Steven and JAKE. (I'll talk about Jake later) Like can we just... " Are you an Egyptian superhero? " " I am. 🥺" GIRL BYE 💀💀 this part of this show was so bad it made eternals look good. This was cringe on the level of seeing your mother do a dab. All that episode 6 was about was Layla kicking ass and that's it. I don't understand why Kevin Feige has the urge to make everything about badass women. Like theres ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with that, I love badass women and we need more women superheros, but I'm just saying, I came here to watch MOON KNIGHT not Layla El-faouly.

So funny how they make a show about Marc Spector and he only gets like 20 minutes out of the 6 hours of the entirety of the show. I think the most time he got on screen was like episode five and maybe two but that's about it. It felt like he was only there to make things depressing and to make Steven Grant have better character development because he himself is just so fucking boring and not funny. Marc Spector is so much more than " I got hit as a kid and my alter ego is fucking my ex wife. " He's a Jewish antihero struggling with a personality disorder that's eating his life away and a toxic relationship with a man who's been basically lying, emotionally abusing, and manipulating him since his CHILDHOOD. What I love most about Marc Spector is that he's not like all other these mighty superheros, he's just some dude. He just some dude with real human struggles like you and me, trying to figure himself out and navigate through his disorder. Marc should have had a bigger role in this show but I guess Steven Grant and Layla were more interesting than him. Steven is the main course, Layla is the desert and Marc is the salad off to the side that's barley been eaten.

Steven Grant is not a shy British man with great manners who works in a gift shop and is giving in his moms flat, he's a savvy millionaire ( who's from Chicago, Illinois, so as Marc and Jake ) who works in the film industry and lives in a mansion. Those are two completely different characters. Everyone that I've seen who's criticized Steven in the slightest has said that he was bland, boring, and the producers were trying too hard to make him funny. You can't try to have something that's just straight up sad happening with a character and then pretend that it's funny and try to make it into comedy. That's just not how it works and it's not realistic. That's why movies like The Crow are good and movies like Renfield are bad. The Crow takes itself seriously and is genuinely sad but lightly sprinkled with comedy, Renfield wanted to be a bit sad, but ruined itself by trying to hard to make every scene funny.

The only good scene in this entire show is the scene where Marc says, " you are you the only real superpower I ever had " or whatever the fuck. I didn't pay attention because all I could think about was the scene from frozen where Anna fucking froze and Elsa cried about it and then unfroze her with her tears or something. I guess her tears must have been really hot.

What I'll give Muhammad Diab credit for is casting. Having Layla be Egyptian is good, and having Oscar Isaac casted as Marc is also really good. Everyone In the comics is white for a character normally centered around Egyptian bullshit. They also got Khonshus personality right and that's about it.

I hate how the producers said that this show was all about " representation" and then didn't add Frenchie, who is a gay french guy in it or Bushman who is a black mercenary because he was " too much like Killmonger " ( which doesn't make any fucking sense because they are drastically different on so many levels but okay. ) they also said that this show is they're most brutal and violent show yet, but they were " violent " ( and bloody-ish ) the first three episodes and then just kinda gave up towards the end.

For the last thing, I'm gonna talk about Jake finally. Just pretend that I'm sighing right now. Like a really audible, dramatic sigh.

I get they wanted for us to differentiate the differences between each personality with accents but Jake doesn't need to speak Spanish. He doesn't speak Spanish in the comics and having him do it is completely unnecessary. I get it's Hollywood and Hollywood needs to make everything sexy and attractive, but Jake Lockley is the least sexiest alter of Marc Spector. He doesn't wear a suit with black leather gloves or drive a limousine, he's a fucking taxi cab driver with a really weird mustache who wears a turtle neck. When I think sexy, I don't think taxi driver. And it ruins the point of Jake Lockley as well because Marc uses Jake to see what's going on on the streets in New York. New York is really busy and crowded, so people are more prone to using a taxi, not a limousine unless you're bougie and rich.

Anyways that was my rant. Good night.

#marvel #marvel cinematic universe #marvel mcu #marc spector #moon knight #steven grant #jake lockley #marvel smut #moon knight comics #marvel comics #steven grant slander #marvel slander #moon knight slander

[i-will-change-this-someday]

I haven’t been in the DnDads fandom that long, but given that everyone seems to love some Normal angst (myself included), I’m surprised nobody’s talking about how in Normal’s stand up he talks about teasing people when you like them, and how kids probably bullied him and if (big if, given Normal’s sunny disposition), he ever got upset they’d just say they were teasing.

I feel like they wouldn’t even have to be bullying him, if his “friends” started making fun of someone else I feel like Normal would try and defend the other person.

“ Oh, lighten up. It's all good fun.”

“Oh, lighten up, Normal. It’s all good fun, don’t be so sensitive.”

“You know we're just busting your chops, it's all goofs.”

“Woah, you know we’re just busting your chops, no need to be so touchy, it’s all goofs”

“[Normal’s voice cracking through] It's all, it’s all a good time, right?”

“Come on, Normal, we’re just having a good time.”

“Look, it's a fun thing!”

“Look, see it’s fun. Stop ruining the mood.”

“It's a roast, you roast people that you like!”

“It’s just a roast, we’re friends, don’t worry about it”

“ it's a joke, Hermie, we're joking. We're just having fun!”

“We’re just joking around. It’s fun.”

“This is what people do when they like each other.”

“We’re just teasing, that’s what friends do, don’t be such a buzzkill.”

All of this makes Normal think this is how people are, and when the other react with sadness, anger, and concern, he panics.

“Normal: [over mic] Oh geez, no! Oh. Oh boy.”

“[Normal sounding teary] Isn't that funny— wuh… It's fun!”

“Normal: [over mic, strained] It's fun, guys! It's funny, you know?”

“Normal: [over mic, loud, vocal, stressed panting]”

“Normal: [over mic] Okay, well— eheh!”

“Normal: [over mic] Well uh— [pants] Oh God, I'm so sorry. Uh—”

“Normal: [over mic, voice cracking] I’m sorry everybody, that was my time.”

“Normal: [over mic, increasingly stressed] Scary, I don't really mean what I said! I just, uh! That's my time, I got to go, goodbye everybody!”

I don’t really have anything else, just wanted to post some Normal angst.

Here’s the full dialogue under the cut.

Borat: [over mic] Hey, that is, uh…

Link: [off mic] Killin’ it.

Borat: [over mic] …really mean, Rick! I think Hermie is sensitive about that, and proud of his acting.

Pickle Rick: [over mic] Oh, lighten up. It's all good fun. I mean. You know we're just busting your chops, Hermie, it's all goofs. [Normal’s voice cracking through] It's all, it’s all a good time, right? We didn't hurt your feelings, did we?

Hermie: [wobbly] U-um… Uh…

Borat: [over mic] He is crying, you stupid Pickle Man!

Normal: [over mic] Oh geez, no! Oh. Oh boy. Look, it's a fun thing! It's a roast, you roast people that you like! [almost Pickle Rick] And I like you, Hermie, okay?! [Just Normal] So it's just a funny... Look, look, I'll roast everybody else, okay? We're on the same team, it's all fun!

Pickle Rick: [still mostly Normal, but a bit of Rick stank, like he’s trying] Uh, Taylor! Hey, Taylor, how you doing?

Taylor: Eh...

Normal: Taylor, you know who's gonna—

Austin Powers: I’ve gotten pretty groovy, baby.

Pickle Rick: [mostly Normal] You've got less brain cells than your dad has limbs! Because they all got cut off!

Link: [off mic] Oh, Normal.

Normal: [the gravel of “Rick” is mostly just Normal sounding teary] Isn't that funny— wuh… It's fun!

Normal: [over mic, strained] It's fun, guys! It's funny, you know?

Link: [off mic, reluctant] It's pretty good, yeah.

Normal: [over mic, strained] Link!

Link: [off mic] Yeah.

Normal: [over mic] Link, what's the deal with you and Scary, man?

Link: [off mic] What?

Normal: [over mic, strained] Just stop pretending you don't like her. Just fuck already, and get it over with!

Link: I do... Whoa, I do like her. I mean like you too. I like all of us.

Normal: [over mic, loud, vocal, stressed panting]

Link: Woah, you're okay, man.

Normal: [over mic] Okay, well— eheh! It’s a good— it's a joke, Hermie, we're joking. We're just having fun!

Hermie: Mm…

Normal: [over mic] This is what people do when they like each other. Scary! [fake laugh] Boy, you got so many issues. [exhale right into the mic] You're like a comic book store. You got so many issues up there!

Napoleon: Gosh!

Normal: [over mic] I bet uh, I bet your medicine cabinet at home looks like one of those big jelly bean jars you see at the fair!

Normal: [over mic] How many…! How pills does she pop every day?

Normal: [over mic] Well uh— [pants] Oh God, I'm so sorry. Uh—

Link: [off mic] Normal you did—!

Normal: [over mic, voice cracking] I’m sorry everybody, that was my time.

Link: [off mic] You did great.

Normal: [over mic, strained] Uh, Hermie, I really like you, uh, and Taylor, y’know, you and your dad are going to hit it off, you're going to be great. Ah, Link, I'm sorry, man. You tell Scary you like her in your own way, in your own time.

Link: [off mic, calmly] Oh. I- I like you, Scary.

Normal: [over mic, increasingly stressed] Scary, I don't really mean what I said! I just, uh! That's my time, I got to go, goodbye everybody!

#dungeons and daddies #DnDads #Normal Oak #Normally Ly Oak-Swallows-Garcia #DnDads S2Ep34 #Finding Tori #My Post

[spontaneouskoopalingblog]

"Is something wrong with this time of year? I thought March was pretty cool... are there creepy creatures of the dark that come out at this time or something? It seems like switching sleeping spots is freaking you out..."

"I don't think he'll mind. He doesn't usually hang out with people anyway."

... (Oh crap he's sad, think of something...)

"I make jokes! Like that 'poem' I just made up! Laughing at the things that make you worried softens them up quite a bit. It truly is the best medicine. That's what works for me, anyway. Yeah."

"I can cut travel time by running. At my fastest, I would say I could go at around 60-70 mph. I could carry you, if you'd like, but I'll have to stop quite a few times in order to rest. I am also ok with just walking, but I still felt like presenting that alternate idea. As for where we go, after looking at the map, I think we can go clockwise toward sky land, counter-clockwise, or make a full circle and end at sky land (if we would like to visit all of the lands). I would like to see the other lands, but I think it would be fair to let you decide which lands we visit. You know this place much better than I do."

"That's the name my siblings call me sometimes! The one I just told you about! Wow. How can I be 'Rango', when 'Rango' is standing in front of me?"

"It's cozy and wormy and warm!"

Topper: "Oh golly... I don't know what to do... And I don't want Rango to be annoyed at me for continuing to beg him to stay... I-I guess I'll have to try sleeping without him for a change..."

"Um... Oh yeah, no, it has nothing to with animals coming out at night... (That happens at all times of the year-) It's... About my old job... When the nights get warmer, the Koopa Troop starts expanding their reach a bit... Some guards will stay by the castle, and others will go out into the northern areas of Sea, Grass, and... Forest Land. To make sure no threat gets even close to the castle while everyone's asleep. And... I fear that if I sleep outside while some of the guards are in this territory... They'll find me, and... Make me go back... Or they might even do stuff to me right then and there... I'm not exactly supposed to be here, you see... I didn't "quit" my job... I ran away..."

"... DO YOU WANNA KNOW HOW I GOT THESE SCARS? I'll give you a hint. They're from my war days! But I didn't get them from a war. ... That's as much as I'll tell you... Not even Rango has gotten to know any details! I just really hate talking about it..."

Rango: "And, y'know, Emar... I am honored to be an alternate version of you... You're just so nice!!!"

Spewart: "Anyway- Snow Land is really cold. But they have lots of cabins and buildings for us to go into if we plan to stay for a bit. It'd be a great place for us to take our first break. They have "Public Napping Benches" all over the place, because the local species sleep literally all the time. Also, every creature there is super tiny, fluffy, and incredibly friendly! Buuut, if cute, fluffy, tiny things aren't your cup of tea, then we can skip it... There isn't exactly a lot to do and see... At least, not for US, anyway."

"Grass is kinda boring. They do have the carnival as their main attraction, but I assume you wouldn't want to go there... Plus, Rango would be pissed if we went there without him. Grass Land's main thing is agriculture, so they got tons of fresh crops and really good food... But again, if you don't give a shit about that, we can skip it. It does happen to be our parents' burial ground...... So, I'd prefer not to stay..."

"Sea Land is a beach. It looks so small on the map, because most of it is... Sea. I've been told the underwater area is huge... It resembles something another dimension refers to as "The Lost City of Atlantis." We can't go down there, though... The diving suit rentals are hella expensive and the locals down there speak Greek. The ground area is available, however. It is, like I said, a beach. Very nice."

"And then, my second favorite territory: Mountain Land. There's the mountain ranges above, and the cave system down below. It's like two territories stacked on top of each other! I mainly want to head to the caves, because they have the best taverns in the kingdom... (And the ONLY taverns, to my knowledge!) I always go down there when I'm feeling down on my luck to drink my troubles away~! You can skip all the other places if you want, but we WILL be going there!!! I've been craving liquor for the past three hours thanks to you-know-who."

"After that, we should arrive in Sky Land... I already told you a bit about it, so you'll just have to wait to see it in person. To get up there, though, we have to walk up the famous Rainbow Bridge, which is always... LOADED with tourists!!!"

[aita-blorbos]

（OC stuff)

Would I be an asshole if I run away from home and never ever ever return?

See, I (M, 17) recently learned that I am, well, the sage called it a "Karmic parasite"? Basically I steal other people's good fortune, causing disasters and misery wherever I go. I can't control it! I didn't even KNOW!!! I just thought I had naturally good luck, but I never realized those around me.......

A-anyway. So. I told my family— well, um, not the entire clan, just, just my older brother and our mother, but still, so, I told my family, and they said they didn't care? Apparently my brother already suspected it?!?! Which is, I mean. I was kinda expecting them to send me away? After all, I... I bring bad luck, like, REALLY bad luck, in hindsight the incident that caused Father to die and my brother to lose his arm was probably my.....

So! So. So, they said they don't care. Particularly my brother, who is the leader of the clan, insisted it didn't change anything and I can stay home like usual but... I mean. I... I bring misfortune, and the sage said it will only get worse as I age. Isn't that... downright neglectful ? To let me stay? I am... endangering everyone.

I know my brother will get really REALLY mad if I leave, he's always been so overprotective, I know he wouldn't be happy about it. He will worry so much, and get so sad! I know he will. Hell, if I told him I'm thinking about leaving there's no way he would ever let me, and mom will cry, and all my friends will also dislike that, but... but, wouldn't it still be... better, if I go away? And don't... come back? Wouldn't it be... safer?

So. Um, would that be the right thing to do? To leave? Or would I be the asshole for doing so? What, um, what do you think? What should I do?

#aita #am i the asshole #unreality