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ramp-it-up · 2 years

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Playlist: Chill, Buck

Summary: Bucky, who runs CapTech, ran into you. Now he can’t stop thinking about you even though you rejected him. Can you stop him from running through your mind?

Pairing: CEO! Bucky Barnes x Journalist! Reader

Word count: 2.8k

Warnings: As always, 18+ ONLY, SMUT. Minors DNI. Slow burn, running for pleasure, playlists meet cute, pining, possible fixation, possible manipulation, mention of death, mention of loss, concerned Steve and Sam, possible dark Bucky. The boomerang, masturbation, use of sex toy, fantasy, Dom/sub dynamics of you squint, wishing and hoping.

A/N: I’ve been sad and haven’t written in a couple of week, but, turns out I am a serial serialist, lmao.🤣 Read the previous part, Bucky Runs. @ysmmsy and @blackwidownat2814 are my exquisite muses who created the Bucky Runs and Chill, Buck playlists, with more to come. 😉 Thank you Gemma for the title for this one. Thanks you both, my loves! 🥰

The playlist is Real and is linked here!

I no longer have a taglist. Please follow @rampitupandread and turn on notifications to learn when I post! 😘

I Do NOT Consent to my work being reposted, translated or presented on any other blog or site other than by myself.

Running with a good playlist did make all the difference. Music was the reason that your feet seemed to be flying as you jogged that evening.

Certainly not thoughts of Bucky Barnes.

That situation just wasn’t meant to be.

Since you turned down his request for a date that afternoon, you decided to shake yourself out of any silly dreams of anything happening with him. After all, you had a professional relationship, an acquaintance, really, and nothing more.

Your attraction to him meant nothing.

And him asking you out meant nothing either. He was probably just trying to have a good time and never call again. Goodness knows that he probably had his pick of women, and NDAs, on hand.

Then there was his past to consider.

No, turning down dinner with him was the right choice and so was moving on. You weren’t even going to text him about the playlist like you promised. Better to contact Romanoff about the interview and keep it moving.

You were still convincing yourself that curving Bucky was the right choice when you turned into Fulton Ferry Park and thought you saw a mirage. There he was, jogging toward you, conjured up by your internal debate.

He looked good. Tanned and sweaty, mouth slightly open, eyes on you, thighs out. Your eyes scanned down his body and your own actually clenched while running.

The audacity.

You shook your head. Did he really think that this was going to work? You prepared the let down speech in your head for when he would invariably stop to talk. No matter how fine he was, he wasn’t going to stalk you into a date.

Bucky approached and appraised your body. You were wearing running gear that supported you, but the way the impact of your steps made your body move made him lick his lips.

Bucky was imagining the possibilities.

He came near with a slight smile. You kept on pace to meet him, but he didn’t slow down as you expected him to. He just moved to the side and tossed two fingers at you in a half wave.

“Hey,” was all Bucky uttered as he ran past you.

You were in shock that he didn’t stop and reflexively almost turned around to run after him and the waft of sweat, musk, and sandalwood that he left behind.

You nearly ran into an older man walking his dog as you craned your neck to watch Bucky’s retreating back.

You were shook.

Bucky went from asking you out to virtually ignoring you.

You definitely felt some kind of way about it, but the anger you felt propelled your feet, and you finished with your best time to date.

You stormed into your apartment and flopped down at your desk.

“What just happened?,” you asked your closed laptop.

But your ire calmed as you edited the interview and remembered how charming and genuine he’d been

“Off the record? Please?”

Bucky’s vulnerability made you soft again. In all the right places.

When you finished, you sat back and reviewed the day in your head. Surely, you weren’t tripping. There had been a connection between you two. Right?

Bucky had you so confused up from a 10 second encounter in the park where he barely said one word to you. It had to be calculated.

You were right not to go to dinner with him.

Nevertheless, you turned on the volume on your phone to make sure you didn’t miss another text from…anyone.

That evening, after you wrote some copy and did voice overs, wrapping up the interview package, you took to the bath. You thought of Bucky again, this time cuming more intensely because you’d actually talked to him, knew his name and bore the sexual frustration he’d birthed in you. However, you couldn’t get satisfaction from your toy tonight.

What was Bucky Barnes doing to you?

It was all you thought about as you fell asleep that night.

Bucky closed his eyes as he pushed his cock into the tight hole. You were ready and waiting for him, spread out gloriously beneath him. His plan had worked and you’d called him at 3 am, all hot and bothered. He rushed to your place and practically jumped into your waiting pussy.

“Fuck! Y/N…,” Bucky groaned as he immediately started stroking away.

“After you cum inside me, I’m gonna clean you up real good. Gonna make your cock mine, baby.”

Your blissed out voice was everything he’d imagined, and the look of your beautiful wet lips as you licked him caused his cock to twitch even though it was occupied.

Bucky couldn’t hold himself back and he released, spurting out enough cum to make it drip out around his balls.

“Clean these up too, Doll,”

Bucky groaned as he gripped his sac as it emptied. He winced as he pulled out of the sex toy and sat down on the side of the tub.

What a poor substitute for you, he thought as he cleaned up.

Bucky stepped into the shower, hot water raining down on his head as he thought of his next move.

He’d have to remind Natasha to speed up the relocation of the tenants on Plymouth Avenue. He needed next to you, and fast.

Next week when Steve returned, he stalked into the office he shared with Bucky and Sam after Nat briefed him on the situation.

“Hello, Punk.”

Bucky’s salutation slowed him down.

Bucky hadn’t looked up from his laptop, and his EarPods were turned up full blast, but he knew Steve was there. He turned down his music.

Rogers smiled despite himself. The childhood greeting from Bucky was now a rare occasion. The rare occasion that Bucky was in a good mood.

“Jerk.”

Steve laughed at his best friend.

“What the hell are you up to?”

He finally looked up from his work and took off his glasses, leaning back in his chair and smirking. He looked almost like the old Bucky.

“Making you millions of dollars. What are you up to, Pretty Boy?”

He sounded like the old Bucky. Steve sat on the edge of Bucky’s desk.

“This girl must be pretty special to put you in this kind of mood, but Nat told me what you’ve been doing. Buck…”

Bucky straightened up and narrowed his eyes at Steve.

“If you’re referring to YN LN, then that woman is special.”

Bucky looked out over the New York skyline toward the Brooklyn Bridge and DUMBO, where you were.

“Is it okay if I have a life again?”

Steve looked into his friends eyes and sighed. His voice was low, even though he thought he and Bucky were alone.

“I want nothing more for you, Buck, but not like this. Ever since Sarah…”

“The fuck are you two bone heads talking about?”

Sam’s voice boomed across the space. Bucky stood up, fidgeting. Sarah had been Sam’s sister and his wife. Now was not the time.

“Hey Sam! Feeling better?”

Steve was nothing but smiles for his other best friend, the consummate golden boy.

“I was, until Nat briefed me on what was up.”

Sam turned to Bucky.

“You good, Jay?”

Bucky closed his eyes at the name that only Sarah called him. His former brother in law was doing it on purpose. Nat had a big mouth.

“We need to fire the redhead.”

Steve snorted.

“Natasha Romanoff owns all of us. She knows where all the bodies are buried.”

“Literally,” quipped Sam.

Bucky remained silent and stared at the approximate location of your apartment. He didn’t want to think about dead bodies, just a future with you.

“Listen, Buck. It’s about time you moved on…”

Bucky closed his eyes at the crack in Sam’s voice. He knew he missed her too.

“But—“

Bucky turned around.

“But what Samuel?”

Sam snapped his mouth closed. Sarah had been the only one to call him that.

“Just…”

Sam looked out of the window himself. Then he looked back at his friend.

Bucky turned on a smile and pointed it at his two worried friends.

“I’m just doing a little recon. You two know better than anyone the types of women who show up in our lives. Just want to make sure…”

Steve sighed.

“We get it. But like Sam said. Just…”

Sam spoke up again.

“Chill, Buck.”

Bucky smiled brighter for them and spread his hands.

“I’m chillin…”

“Unh hunh. Like a villain.”

Sam shook his head and chuckled as Steve took off his suit coat and went to review the files on his desk.

Bucky raised his eyebrow at Sam as he sat back down and turned his music up again.

You didn’t see or hear from Bucky for about two weeks, even after you called Natasha and told her of the publication date for the piece. And you weren’t disappointed.

Not at all.

In the back of your mind you thought that after the interview aired, Bucky would ask you out again, which of course you would refuse. (Even though it might not be inappropriate because the business between you was over.)

But he didn’t. Maybe you were right about him.

You decided to just move on with your life, although a certain pair of sky blue eyes haunted your fantasies and dreams for about ten days.

One morning you were in your neighborhood coffee shop, deep into your phone when you stepped up to order. For some reason you felt the hair on the back of your neck raise as you stepped to the side to wait for your drink.

You bumped into the person next to you and turned your head to apologize. You couldn’t help but gasp.

The unmitigated gall.

You closed your mouth without saying a word and stared in front of you as you shook your head.

“We’ve got to stop meeting like this.”

His velvet voice near your ear was kinda dope. But you weren’t going out like this. You took a deep breath and then turned back to Bucky.

“Yes. I fully agree. We’ve got to stop meeting.”

Bucky’s expression was a little hurt and you could have kicked yourself. You sighed.

“I’m sorry. How are you?”

He smiled sweetly at you, thrilled that you were reacting as he’d hoped.

“I’m better now.”

You were blinded by his smile, but recovered and checked him out. Damn, he looked good. The blue of his dress shirt matched his eyes. Those fucking glasses. Looking like a NILF. Bucky was attractive as hell.

“James!”

The barista called Bucky’s name and he stepped up for his coffee. That gave you a moment to think.

He turned around and you had questions.

“What are you doing here?”

He looked confused.

“Getting… a macchiato?”

He held up his drink and pushed his glasses up with his thick middle finger. You bit your lip. Bucky wanted to bite it too.

Patience.

“Yeah. But why in my neighborhood? Are you stalking me? After virtually ignoring me the other day?”

The smile on Bucky’s face fell.

“Y/N!”

You stepped to the counter to get your iced chai tea latte. Bucky was still there behind you, admiring the view. You turned back to him and he fixed his face and gracefully backed up as you walked toward the door.

“I’m sorry, but you made it quite clear that you didn’t want anything more from me when you didn’t contact me about the interview or even the playlist. I’m chilling, as the young folks say. I’m not stalking you. Or ignoring you. I’m just trying to live my life. I’ve recently moved into my new brownstone over on Plymouth street.”

He gestured with his hand in the general direction of his new home. You stopped walking and pulled your eyes away from his thick fingers to his face. He looked annoyed.

That did things to you.

Bucky was still amiable with you, but with an edge. You sensed a delicious danger, but you couldn’t stop. You shook your head to clear it and crossed your arms to hide your rock hard nipples.

“That’s only a couple of blocks from me. I don’t believe that’s not pre-planned.”

Bucky moved closer to you, his voice lowered and a little menacing, a magnetic field activated by his proximity. You wanted to drop to your knees. But you just took a sip of your drink and swallowed that instead.

Bucky was aware of his affect on you, so he turned it up as he leaned closer. Damn, you made him hard as fuck.

“Do you know how long it takes to find and close on a property in New York? 30 days at a minimum, just for closing. This was in the works long before you showed up in my office, Ms. YLN.”

You were shaking, but not from fear. Bucky took in your trembling lips and wide eyes and wanted to take you right there. He licked that bottom lip of his and you had visions of what that mouth did. Bucky nodded his head.

“Oh. I get it. You want me to pursue you so that you can reject me again.”

Bucky read you like a book.

“You don’t need to worry. I won’t contact you again.”

He raised his drink toward his mouth but stopped, trapping your eyes there. You were almost panting. And definitely wet.

“Unless you ask me to.”

You wanted to cry with need, but you laughed instead.

“I thought you said you were chilling, Mr. Barnes. I won’t ask you. For anything. Trust.”

He was smirking at you as your eyes flashed at him. He read the scene in your eyes. In that moment, he knew what you needed. The way you said ‘Mr. Barnes,’ with that breathy, moany voice. Hell yeah.

You read his eyes too and knew exactly what he was thinking. But you’d be damned if you begged Bucky Barnes.

At the same time, it became Bucky’s life mission. He wanted to hear you beg for him to fuck you, to eat you out, to make you cum, to stop making you cum… Damn. He cleared his throat.

“Duly noted.”

Bucky allowed his eyes to rake down your form as he took a sip of his drink. He did not miss your nipples which were pointed right at him and the way your thighs were clenched together in your form fitting pants. He licked the foam from his lips to remind you that if you wanted to smother him in you, he’d make good use of the opportunity.

Your eyes widened and your lips parted. Partly in rage, partly in desire, and partly in surprise at his game. This was a different Bucky than two weeks ago. You didn’t know if you could say no if he asked you out again.

But he didn’t ask you out again.

“Have a nice day, Ms. YLN.”

“Have a nice life, Mr. Barnes.”

Your tone was clipped as you turned on your heel and walked out of the cafe, murder and desire in your veins and a sway in your hips. You were vindicated when you looked over your shoulder and saw him watching it.

God he made you angry. Everything on your body was hard because of him, your nipples, your clit, and your heart. But he was not going to win this little game he was playing.

You were frustrated and irritable all day as you were trying to write, and had to postpone an interview because you were not in the right headspace.

Fucking James Buchanan Barnes. He was a menace.

You stared at the thumbnail to your interview with him and decided something.

You filed the post, and then went to your phone and went to his contact to delete it. Then you went to his socials, to block him there as well, even though he hadn’t tweeted or posted himself in years. You closed out twitter and then went to IG, noticing a new post. It had over 100K views in just an hour.

It was a video of Bucky running, and then stopping and stretching.

“New series of posts. My run playlists.I haven’t gotten much positive feedback from who they were intended, so why not make them public?”

His little rueful smile did things to you. He was so fucking cute, all sweaty and glistening in his muscle shirt and shorts.

“In this first post, you get a twofer. My first playlist is called, Bucky Runs. I think it’s good if you want to keep your pace up.”

You bit your lip as he continued, squinting into the camera against the setting sun in his eyes. So damn fine.

“This second one is brand new, today. It’s called, Chill, Buck. And I made it to remind myself to….”

Bucky looked off to the right of the camera.

“To remind myself to cool down after I run.”

He looked like a lost little boy and your heart clenched. You felt like a jerk.

“Hope you enjoy. ‘Night.”

Bucky smiled and the post ended. You chewed your lip as you clicked on the latest playlist.

Feedback is like air. I need it! 🥰

#Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes x reader smut #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x black reader #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes x black journalist reader #The Playlist séries #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes smut #Sebastian Stan #sebastian stan fan fiction #ceo!bucky barnes #ceo!bucky #ceo! bucky x journalist! reader

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sumikatt · 5 months

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frankly, i think your point about "some people train their own AI art models" is inherently flawed because rhe vast majority of people are not training their own model. they are paying for a service which was trained on art that was taken from the internet and used without permission in order for a machine to try snd recreate something similar bit by bit. i havent gotten a commission from someone who isnt a friend of mine in well over a year because people are just choosing to generate art with AI. i dont think AI art isnt "real" art because yeah, i agree with you, the whole idea of real art or not is complex. however, it is an undeniable reality that AI is trained on the work of artists all over the world who do not even get asked for permission before a tech company makes money off of their hard work.

I agree it’s a small, small portion of people making their own models that ensure that all art involved is used with consent. Many people buy a subscription or credits to generate what they want. Most people probably use free credits on Discord to make a meme or anime girls. Many people use it many different ways, yes.

I’m sorry you’ve lost a client over it. I know commissions are hard. Freelancers without dedicated clients would be the ones to suffer most from the popularity of AI art. I can’t say I’ve felt the impact myself, since it’s also very popular to be anti-AI.

Actively searching through job boards, I also feel like it has barely affected those listings. Maybe one of like 300 art jobs in the USA/Sweden asked for AI experience (Prompt Artist), and it was an AI startup. The “normal” art jobs like UI/UX, Environments, Materials, Concept, Technical, Animator, etc all still asking for 3 years experience for entry level lmao. Saw an intern position that required an “industry-standard” portfolio. So still a pain as it was before advanced AI gen.

Many paid AI art services have takedown options for their training sets and can block names from being prompted. If you were a popular enough artist to be in a training set, you can remove it and block the majority of AI art users from copying you—like you said, a majority of people use these services instead of self-hosting.

(Sending DMCA takedown requests are actually pretty easy. I had to send one to an old teacher who reposted my art and a bunch of classmates’ art on her ArtStation. that was funny lol)

I’m not sure how I felt when I went to search up my art on haveibeentrained. Because I’m a nerd, I’d preemptively blocked scrapers on my portfolio, so nothing was there when I looked. Searched up my legal name, my old Twitter (which had some popular pieces), my old DeviantArt usernames. Nothing there, either. I was probably pruned from the set for being low-quality. Kinda funny, I thought I’d be good enough to include at least once. Maybe next time.

.safetensors / .ckpt files (which are the models Stable Diffusion runs) have no image data in them, by the way. It is all math and numbers in there. There is no way of telling what was included in the training set, unless the dev(s) that made the model release it publicly. The models themselves are usually around 3–6 GB, though there’s larger ones and mini ones.

Like my own silly brain, there’s no way of tracking down the exact art pieces the software was referencing off of when it generates something. Am I making money off of another artist’s hard work when I remember how to draw heads from a Proko video? Am I ripping off photographers when I recall their pictures when drawing my characters? I’m not a tech company, but I still make money off of the things I copy and filter through my mind and hand.

I’m rambling at this point, sorry. Of course, the core issue is capitalism. How different would people see this medium if money were not an issue? How futuristic, how exciting it is to visualize something from words alone. It’s that art machine I’d always wanted as a kid, where I think of something and it pops out on the page finished.

I think it is worth to uplift those who use the medium as ethically as they can, as @are-we-art-yet is doing—having a do-not-use artist list, avoiding corporations, don’t try to undercut traditional artists. Like with any medium, there’s a variety of artists. Some are nice and do their best to have a good impact, some don’t care at all about the ethics of their art.

I’m still pretty firmly a “traditional” artist. I won’t stop drawing or give up because of AI. I play with AI on my own hardware and power for fun and for getting ideas (is that stealing?). It’s mostly replaced scrolling through Pinterest for me, but I still save people’s art and photos that I like in my computer, so I can look at em later, maybe get inspired. And steal like an artist, I guess.

#.s #ai art #long post #sorry. i have thoughts syndrome and on painkillers 👍#anonymous

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ohmygodshesinsane · 10 months

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Hey 🥰 For Taylor's ask game. Speak now: what’s something you’ve taken a stand for?

speak now - what's something you've taken a stand for?

oh boooooy this may get a little long. but it's probably the one time i've ever felt courageous and i stick by it today even if it was a little out-there at the time (and this talks about sex and homophobia and has ended up kind of more triggering than i anticipated so it's under the cut).

ok so i'm going to set the scene - 2015, i'm not quite 13 in year seven and starting to figure out my sexuality, same-sex marriage won't be legalised for another 2 and a bit years, the age of consent for anal sex is still two years higher than other AoC (to clarify it was higher because it was considered a -homosexual- thing) and is referred to in the state laws as 'sodomy', people still had the 'crime' of being caught in consensual homosexual acts on their criminal record, the lnp had erased civil partnership ceremonies to stop them from imitating real marriage, same-sex couples couldn't adopt, joh bjelke-petersen was still considered a legend by most adults i encountered, and i was in what has often been called the most conservative state in australia and at the time was one of the most homophobic states. 'gay panic' was still a valid defence. fun fun fun.

anyway at this point in time there were -rumblings- that australia would consider a plebiscite or referendum and head towards the marriage equality that new zealand, england, and the u.s had. and people were freaking out. there was also a lot of talk about the 'safe schools' programme, which would teach kids about lgbt+ identities. these two things were on the news nearly every morning and every night and were all but reviled by the majority of the communities i was in. these weren't even religious communities lmao they were just. normal people who would deny they ever felt that way now.

but anyway these rumours probably unleashed the worst homophobia i have personally ever encountered in my life - there were maybe two? gay guys my ageish in my community that were commonly known to be gay, and if i took a shot for every time somebody said the word 'fag' i would have been an alcoholic pre-teen. like it was just. rampant. and these two guys suffered pretty well constant abuse - slurs, threats to bash them, destruction of property, etc. as a girl who was just figuring out i was maybe into girls i was shit scared. but the homophobia wasn't just from the other kids it was like - you know from authority figures there was very much, 'stay away from the gays', fun group discussions about politics/health/etc like 'should it be legal to be a gay or should it be criminalised? is it a societal harm?' where the consensus usually came out as - criminalised, yes it does harm, and that was... well, good discussion guys! you used your critical thinking skills and that's what's important! and just... like there were sanctioned discussions about should gay teachers be allowed? media with gays in it needs to be 18+ right? i went on a camp and by then there were... rumours that i liked girls, and the other girls in my cabin tried to lock me out and spat on me. and i wasn't even out. and once the rumours started there were probably two whole days in the rest of the year where there wasn't a joke made about corrective rape. by other pre-teens. i tried to come out to a family member and she laughed in my face and said i'd been watching too many overseas movies. it was just a vile, insidious rhetoric that slipped into every part of life and i was in what's considered a moderately-progressive area in queensland. i don't know what the hell it was like for kids out in maranoa.

to the actual point of the question - so during all of this, one of our things has an assignment where we have to do a persuasive speech, on anything we like, that goes for five minutes etc, basically to encourage public speaking skills, you know how it goes. so twelve-year-old me, who has been in this spiralling crisis for months, decides to be a mouthy little shit and i write a twelve minute speech on why i believed gay people were ok and why same-sex marriage should be legalised. which, you know, i don't think should have been a revolutionary thought in 2015, but in the circles i was exposed to, i was one of like... four or five people who believed that. but anyway i write this twelve minute speech and i memorise it and the day of the speeches comes and i'm shit scared and regretting it but i don't have anything else prepared and also, like, oh my god the adult i'm about to perform this to is known to be one of the most homophobic. and i knew i was going to put a target on my back and i knew i was probably going to fail.

but the time comes and there's one more speech to go for that session and i feel like i'm going to throw up and i put my hand up. then i go up there and give this speech and i still don't know to this day how i got through it because i just remember being absolutely terrified. but i do it and about a minute into my speech i'm interrupted for 'inappropriate adult subject matter' and i keep talking. and then i am repeatedly interrupted and told that the content is 'extremely inappropriate for the environment' and i keep talking and i drop a palm card and i keep talking anyway and people are laughing and shouting at me and it literally feels like some kind of worst-nightmare-scenario, and then people going to the toilet from the next room hear me speaking and come up to the window and are looking in and making comments and i am nearly in tears but i keep going. and somehow i made it through the whole twelve minute speech.

and the next probably month was absolute hell and i had to re-do my speech with an age-appropriate topic and you know, it was all the people putting shit in my locker and being targeted, i guess, and at the time i really really regretted it, because it felt like a stupid impulse for something that would never happen - like after i did that speech, with the backlash i got, i was so sure that australia would never, ever allow same-sex marriage and i would look like an idiot forever and i was honestly kind of hysterical. it just felt like the tide would never, ever change and even though i hadn't 'come out' people knew because of my stupid speech and i felt so trapped.

but now in hindsight i'm proud of myself and obviously things have changed and half the people who targeted me now, you know, love call me by your name or post pictures of harry styles waving pride flags. and even though i personally didn't change much i'm really, really glad i took that stand, because it means something to me.

i'm sorry this got so long and detailed! but it's something (minor) i'm proud of and this question got to me. thank you so much for asking because i genuinely teared up writing this <3

#ask game #athenasparrow #tw homophobia #me #queensland #australia #lgbt #childhood

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peggy-uwu · 1 year

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Peggy's wierd long ventish post abt being ace or whatever

this is VERY rambly my apologies

also I've heard some people like to ask about interacting with vent posts etc but feel free to like, reblog, comment, add ur own experiences etc here, I want to talk about this, maybe that'll help me properly figure out how I feel about it all.

so, the other night, I went out semi-christmas shopping with my sister, and after we were done, we decided to head back to my place to hang out and watch scary movies with my flatmate. and I wanna state here, just for the record, that this is the first time my sister and my flatmate have ever met, but they have the same vibes, and I knew as soon as *I* met my flatmate, that they'd be good friends.

I don't drink, but I don't have any problem with like, other people drinking while hanging out with me. so they started drinking, and talking, and it was all a good time. We were about 20 minutes into our second movie, they were down like, 2 bottles of rosé between them and they got onto the topic of books and stuff, and my flatmate wanted to show us her room and all her books and stuff.

so we head up to my flatmates room, and look at all her stuff and just end up hanging out up there. conversation goes and she starts talking about her insecurities, as drunk girls are known to do. so i'm sitting on her bed, and my sister is complimenting her a ton, and I am too, because she's super pretty and really lovely etc etc.

eventually they get onto the topic of sex and stuff, they're talking about their experiences etc etc and I don't remember it very well but I end up bringing up the fact that I've never HAD sex, and don't really want to? like I don't understand why people do it when you can just do other things instead.

and at some point my flatmate said that, if I ever wanted to, she would be happy to be my first.

she just... offered to have sex with me? and I kinda just came up short. I'm ace, and I've known for like a while now, but I'd never actually been offered sex, let alone by a woman, and someone I was at the very least, aesthetically attracted to..

like, I've never been offered sex and had that offer be like, tangible. if I wanted to I COULD do that. that is an action I could take and not like, a hypothetical thing i hope this makes sense idk how exactly to explain it.

the best way I can describe it is, sex just kinda feels like fiction to me.? it doesn't really feel like a Thing that People (me) Do.

Iike I get that people DO do it but it feels like one of those crazy dangerous out there jobs that people have, like ocean vessel repair, or fuckin nuclear technicians. yes, there are real people doing these things, but I will NEVER be one of them. it's not a thing that will ever be possible for me to do. and frankly I don't want to lmao. so someone offering me sex feels the same as someone offering me a job in goddamn nuclear engineering. that's just not... a thing.. that I can do. like I COULD do it, I could learn nuclear engineering and become a fucking scientist engineer or whatever. same as I COULD become an astronaut or I COULD become a submarine pilot. like I'm not physically incapable, I have hands and legs and a brain that can learn but like. it will never happen I will never do that or become those things. I just won't. I wouldn't even know where to START.

so being offered tangible sex felt like someone had pulled me up on the street and offered me a full ride scholarship to Nuclear Engineering University. like, cool,, awesome,, no thanks tho.

I still just feel really wierd about it. because I feel like the normal response to being offered sex by someone who is pretty, of ur preferred gender, and ready and consenting to it, is to say... yes? sex feels like something that I SHOULD be wanting to do. like up till now id been able to justify my never-having-had-sex to just, never having been OFFERED sex. I always subconsciously knew that I'd decline if offered, but I'd never had to ACTIVELY make that decision.

So anyway, we hung out for a while longer talking about art and tv shows and MORE sex stuff before I got tired and went to bed. They ended up staying awake pretty late, being loud downstairs and I had to tell them to shush a couple times before I could finally get to sleep at around 1-2am.

I woke up in the morning at a reasonable 9 o'clock and rolled over to a text from my sister, responding to my 17 "guys be quiet" texts, reading "ok srry we borderline fucked instead srry LMAO"

and again... what?

If I figure out how to put into words the way I felt when I read that text, I'll update this post, but for now all I can explain it as is, I felt wierd. and in a bad way.

like, my older sister. had sex. with a person who I was becoming friends with. who had offered ME sex (that I turned down). but then she went on to have sex with my sister. it feels like betrayal almost? but for absolutely no reason. idk idk idk i don't know how I feel about this or why I even feel anything at all. ugh. help.

and tangentially related but also kind of a different topic altogether:

I know that if I just, went out, brought someone home and had sex with them, I'd finally like, /get/ it, I'd understand what all the hype was about, why everyone seems to place so much value on sex. unfortunately for me, I was raised christian and have pretty heavily internalized all the "sex is a sacred, divine act that should only be performed post marriage with your husband".

I don't know where I exactly stand with all the religion stuff, but, as much as I wish I didn't, I do believe in god, and that fuckin rapture is a thing that's gonna happen one day, and sin matters, and that having sex before marriage is not a Thing That I Am Allowed To Do.

but at the same time, like, I kind of don't give a fuck what other people do? my sister was raised the same, and she seems to have no problems whatsoever with sleeping with whoever she wants, so is it just a me issue? am I blaming religion for my fear and aversion to sex when I'm actually just a fucking coward?? I don't fucking know

so either way, just going out and having sex with someone is not an option on the table for me, not without also coming with a metric fuckton of guilt, shame, anxiety and fear, that really doesn't seem worth it just to 'see what the hype is about'.

so tldr for the last like, 4 paragraphs,

general disinterest in sex + religious belief surrounding sex = it just kinda isnt worth ever having really.

which is fine. I guess.

but it still feels really fucking awful to not be able to connect with people based on those shared experiences? I'm pretty sure I'm autistic, so it's already hard enough trying to connect with people, and being ace just isolates me that much more. and for a person whose spent the last 3 if not 4 years with a net 0 close friends, with no end to said friendless streak in sight, it really fucking sucks.

Internet friends are great but I can't hug you guys (see: one specific person it knows who it is ily 💜💜), or sit on your bed and listen to music with you, or serve you dinner and bake you a cake. cooking for and giving people things is my love language, so it's basically impossible for me to express 'love' to my internet friends, and not being able to express it almost feels the same as just NOT, and that hurts.

#ace #asexual #ace culture #vent #feelings #shit i dont understand #someone please just take my brain out and sort out all my thoughts and feelings for me

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slutty-spider-talk · 2 years

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I’m sorry this is going to be really long. A few weeks ago my best friend got a s/o and that’s when it hit me that I was in love with him and had been for a long time. And it was really shitty that I didn’t realize it gradually because it just shocked me all at once and my mental health started declining way faster then it already was. But I confessed to him really quickly and I made sure to make it clear that I wasn’t asking him to break up with his s/o because I really want him to be happy but I also wanted to let him know so that he could decide if he still wanted to be around me. He basically told me that he had been pining after me for years but I just never seemed to realize, and he said that when he met the person that is currently his s/o he thought he was finally able too move on. So it was clear that we weren’t getting together and I was really sad about that but I respected it. We ended up on call for hours just kinda laughing it out and we’ve now been back to being normal friends for a few weeks now, which is weird to me because what used to be “normal” for us was constantly making out and even him genuinely offering sex (I never really consented to that part though so he never did anything). So now that I didn’t have what we used too I was feeling really abandoned because I wasn’t used to it. So yesterday night he stayed over at my house and he said I looked really sad and he kept asking me what was wrong and telling me that I could take as much time as I needed which was really sweet. Eventually though I did tell him that I just wasn’t used to not being his favorite anymore and I felt kinda like he didn’t want or need me anymore which he knows is a trauma response for me. He told me that I would always be his favorite and that he thinks that we will eventually end up together, he also said that he loves me more then the person he’s with right now but he’d feel guilty about leaving them. After that one thing led to another and we ended up really heatedly kissing and even doing over the clothes stuff (sorry I didn’t know how else to phrase it lmao). And afterwards I was like “you need to break up with them because we just cheated and that was really wrong” and he said “I know” and we basically just went back to kissing. So after we woke up we didn’t really talk about it the next day we just went back to normal, but he still hasn’t told his s/o anything yet and I feel so fucking guilty for doing that well he’s in a relationship especially since I genuinely care about the person he’s dating. So I guess my question is am I a terrible person for doing that and what might my next steps be?

Again I’m so so sorry if this is too long but I really needed to say something.

Damn sweetheart looks like ya really got yourself tangled up here.

Can I ask if ya both liked each other so much why didn't ya persue each other? I know ya didn't realize your feelin's at the time, but do ya think that you maybe don't actually like him that way? That is just jealousy makin' ya possessive now that he got a lady which makes ya not the 'favorite' as ya put it? Not bein' a dick here just askin' ya a serious question because let me tell ya that jealousy can make ya feel all sorts of things. Trust me I get a lot of trauma jealousy myself and it always ends up causin' me heavy problems.

I think ya need to not pressure anythin', I think this guy needs ta figure himself out real quick and in this moment you do too. Cut the sleepin' over and kissin' stuff out for a bit also it's just gonna make it harder to figure out things.

I don't want ya feelin' bad though, it happens more then ya think and it was a moment of passion thing. You're hurt and want his attention and affection so ya took the chance for it.

I don't know much of the situation, but I want you to think for a moment..

One, is this just jealousy because the guy you been makin' out with is taken.

Two, are you still willin' ta get into a relationship and respect his?

There's to much I don't know about ta give full advice but don't stress ok? It's a bumpy path just gotta communicate and figure it out together.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel rp #angel dust #hazbin hotel angel dust #hazbin angel dust #angel dust hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel ask #hazbin hotel roleplay

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weebsinstash · 1 year

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I really feel what you mean on that last post. I’ll mix my yandere ideas with horror and then remember that dark stuff does happen to real people. It kinda puts me off writing horror sometimes

I try to always tag my shit appropriately and that's one of the biggest reasons, is the knowledge and consent with consuming certain things, but even then, I myself have had times where I read tags and labels and I'm like "ok, ok, this sounds like a good time" and then I read through it and I say "actually, this is surprisingly upsetting for me, I feel viscerally uncomfortable" and can even like lose my day to Depression Fog

Like. For example one thing that immediately springs to mind is I will say things like "oh, what if Reader had a stalker that kidnapped them and treated them like an object and you know noncons you all the time, youre just their pretty little cum dumpster" and that, you know, has a different focus and energy than like, a specific hentai whose name I want to say is maybe Dropout where there's a school that basically forces the girls with the worst grades to be, would calling them "free use sex slaves" be accurate. Like on paper they're being forced into a lot of the same dehumanizing sort of scenarios I occasionally brainstorm, collars marking them, other stuff

Another I guess specific name is if yall have ever heard of Kuroinu.m (because I had an ask recently asking for porn recs that I've been neglecting to answer lmao). That's a hentai that's like OG monster fucking stuff but i vividly remember being like turned on and disgusted by it in the past bc it's like, monsters and defeated heroines and stuff, good size difference, got the hero vs villain aspect, good, good, but it's also like eventual dehumanization of women with sprinkles of "this is all you'll ever be good for, all the women are enslaved, the female knights are enslaved, the princesses, etc etc,"

But then again those are also drastically different tones so maybe that's a bad comparison. Like for me a common, I guess, "yandere aesthetic" that i personally try to always include or appeals to me, or at least my most common interpretation of these kinds of stories, is that the inherent forcing of, anything, any act whatsoever onto the victim/Reader by their, you know, yandere/partner/whatever, displays that the aggressor wants or likes or needs something from you that much to the point they force you into it. They lose control of themselves for you.

I mean shit you want another example, I wrote Doubt where Reader is pregnant and then the overturning of Roe v Wade happened and pregnancy felt disgusting and a physical threat to be defeated, and then some time after that now the newest development is "what if Reader loved her new chubby baby actually and she decides that the father is the problem and fucking books it and also hooked up with Clark as a defense maybe 😳"

I guess consuming media and engaging with kinks is sort of an ongoing development for everyone, and I guess that goes even without NSFW material too. You can try a new story and they explore a concept you've never encountered before and find yourself absolutely DISGUSTED, or you could find something that awakens something in you. Playing Corruption of Champions in my formative years was definitely an experience for sure. I remember reading a Transformers fic once where a bunch of the Autobots literally got reprogrammed and had their memories altered and even spark bonds erased like their actual souls tampered with to become enslaved and that was like upsetting at that time like the sheer loss of even will and ability to control and feel ones one thoughts, and now I occasionally play around with "tee hee what if write ABO where Reader is an Omega and those hormones are just ao crazy sometimes she just maybe kinda loses control a little maybe ;) those alpha smells can send you in a little frenzy maybe tee hee ;)"

Finding your comfort zone is an ongoing experiment I guess

#sorry if this is rambling i gotta stop smoking weed while multitasking all the time lmaooo

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diamondcitydarlin · 2 years

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So the thing is, the Loki show from my perspective could have easily, EASILY been a substantial character development piece for the namesake character without punishing him gratuitously over and over again with no real narrative purpose, while STILL establishing/breaking open the multiverse for the sake of the entire franchise, while still including all the original characters (yes even Sylvie i'm sorry I cannot hate her because I've reinvented her in my head and my version is grate i promise lmao) because as I think many who watched agree regardless of ship affiliation, the show didn't actually end up doing anything substantial for Loki's character in a way that was consistent or easy to track, as he kind of just jumped to the narrative beats the writers wanted to hit regardless of build up.

The question needed to be asked; in what way can/should Loki, from the point of Avengers 2012, grow and change? In what areas is the character suffering that the viewer can watch him start to contend with? What themes are meant to be conveyed from Loki's character journey?

While the actual narrative was all over the place in season one, the main suggestion I can pull out from what exists is that they want us to believe Loki is endlessly selfish and has only ever cared for himself because he's done bad things, therefore he deserves to be punished, ridiculed, beaten, etc, until he submits that he is not the most important thing in the universe.

Except...most, if not all, of the pieces of media that feature Loki prominently very clearly suggest that this is not and has never been the case (of course bear in mind the head writer had watched little to none of Loki's media prior to the show so that probably explains a few things). Sure, he's a bit outwardly cocky, speaks and acts as if he has a very high opinion of himself, but I think it's very myopic to conclude this means he's indisputably in love with himself and prioritizes himself above all things and therefore deserves to be shown reason with FORCE!! ...even though his behaviors in the show itself don't even square with this explanation (calling his own variants monsters and cringing at their behavior constantly).

I know not everyone feels this way, but this is perhaps why I took no personal or moral issue with the initial interrogation scene with Mobius. I'm not saying it isn't harsh and that what's going on isn't toxic (for BOTH of them, Mobius is not fully consenting to this situation either he just doesn't know that...because he's not consenting. Because his memories have been erased. Not complicated!) but at that point Loki is 'fixated on himself', not in the sense of narcissism, but in the sense of the goal/glorious purpose he so desperately needs to achieve, that last step to finally prove to himself and everyone that he's been worthy of their respect and admiration all along. He just needs this ONE thing! He's GNASHING his teeth for it! But not because he wants power. Not really. It's not actually about that.

I guess what I'm saying is that this particular interrogation scene serves a narrative purpose to what could/should have been a bigger plot/theme. Loki is confronted with the horrible truth of his own destiny, with the realization that these lofty goals he set pale in comparison to the immensity of the multiverse, everything he took for granted and held as important are little more than infinity stone paperweights in an orange and brown office. His world and reality have been turned upside down.

So, if we're approaching Loki's development with the perhaps more consistent assumption that Loki is not, in fact, narcissistic but self-loathing due to the expectations he felt he could never meet and the things he felt he had to do to get there, we could then use this new environment where Loki feels smaller than he ever has before to have him confront, deal with, and grow from that. Nothing that mattered before matters now, so what does Loki do now? How does this change his approach to other characters and situations now that his worldview has been shattered?

Loki is, however, good at improvisation, adaptation and coping methods. Episode 2, imo, more or less works because we watch Loki really start to adapt. He starts getting a little goofy and playful because the futility of his situation can either be met with amused acceptance or despair and Loki knows which one is going to keep him moving to the next target. And he does have a goal, such as it is- maybe if he gets to the Time Keepers this can be sorted. Or something will be worked out. I'm not sure if Loki even knows, but having that goal in his mind, a goal, gives him at least something to work towards now that his glorious purpose- well, you get it.

But as he adapts and naturally sheds a lot of the walls he kept up in previous stories (because again what do any of them matter now?) he inadvertently opens himself up to bond deeper with the other characters than he normally has in the past. He comes to trust Mobius so quickly because there really is nothing to hide from him; apart from the fact that his entire sacred timeline life has been studied and there are no secrets there, Loki is now exposing sides of himself I think he usually kept repressed due to Asgardian courtly pressure- his playfulness, his impulsive sense of adventure (let's go to an apocalypse RIGHT NOW MOBIUS COME ON IT'LL BE FUN!!), his determination that is now being put towards an effort far bigger than himself or the bubble he used to inhabit- and not only does Mobius accept these facets of him, he seems to find them charming and he sticks with and advocates for Loki regardless of their hurdles. In a way, Loki is finally being allowed to be something he's always afraid of being- himself. Actually himself. The Jotun trickster, the mischievous scamp, a force of chaos with a newfound sense of joie de vivre, and Mobius of all people likes him that way. Loki is fascinated by that. How many people have actually liked him? Hell, how many people have actually included him in a way that matters?

I've spoken at length I'm sure about my feelings on what Loki and Sylvie could have been (chaos twins with parallels to Thor and Loki's dynamic, Loki's self-acceptance as a whole, the fluidity of their gender identity etc) but I feel like B-15 deserved more as well, and I feel like the set up of she and Loki being antagonistic with each other in the beginning was leading towards an arc where they eventually began to understand one another and see eye-to-eye. I don't know if B-15 was meant to be a sympathetic character but I always saw her as one, a soldier fulfilling her duty because she believes in it with every fiber of her being, someone that has perhaps been second-guessed and passed over and disrespected so many times she's learned her voice needs to be loud to be heard. WHO ELSE DOES THIS?? They could have been friends. They should have been friends. How might they both have grown as characters from realizing their similarities?

And this doesn't even touch on the lost potential that was all the Loki variants, a veritable smorgasbord of possibility for Loki's character development in getting to see just about every version of himself that has ever attempted to exist and, in doing so, better understands himself. The main core of variants (Classic, Boastful, Kid, Gator, etc) could have represented different facets of Loki's being that he struggles with accepting and his relationships with each of them become a way to work through his own pain. Comforting and nurturing his child self allows him a sense of reconciliation with his own childhood, listening to and learning from Classic Loki makes him contend with his fear of growing old, obscure, ineffective, etc.

And President Loki is a very literal representation of his worst compulsions and what he could have the capacity to become. Making President Loki more of a villain that Loki had to face off with would be YET ANOTHER GREAT OPPORTUNITY FOR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT AND SELF-REFLECTION AND MAYBE IN 'DEFEATING' PRESIDENT LOKI SO DOES OUR LOKI FINALLY MAKE PEACE WITH THIS SIDE OF HIMSELF- anyway.

Self-acceptance, I think, should have/could have been the goal and done very effectively with what they had, but as Loki has always been a somewhat queer-coded, outsider, loner sort of character, I think there have always been far more layers and implications to his story than just that and it's a disservice to everyone that enjoys him that the show didn't give the opportunity to explore those themes of self-repression, outside expectation, generational trauma, sexual/gender repression and so on and so forth.

Okay I'm done <3

#loki critical #lokius #antisylki #i want to someday finish that fix-it fic #but i feel like first i have to just post an outline of what i feel like the story should've been #i can write that faster than multiple chapters lmao #i have so MANY ideas!!#an outline might help me finish the actual fic too hmmmm

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violetnotez · 3 years

Note

Haaaaiiii! I don't know if you've done this before, but can you do a headcanon with Midoriya, Bakugou, Todoroki, and Kaminari (separately) dating a slim thicc reader who's waaaaay to kind to everyone for her own good? Sorry if that was specific lol. It just suits my life.

HC: Slim Thicc + Overly Nice Reader | BNHA

Music Genre: Pop | BNHA

Characters: Midoriya, Bakugo, Todoroki

Warnings: cursing, suggestive content

Music Collection | Tip Jar | Requests!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ:

Shop Owner Note: The fuq how did you describe me in four words lmaoooo-I really liked this idea alot!!!!! Also I only did Bakugo, Izuku and Shoto caus emy brain got fried, so hope thats okay!

Midoriya

THIS GIF ISNT APART OF THE HC AT ALL I JUST FOUND IT AND NOW IM FEELING SOME TYPE OF WAYYYY😳😳

Midoriya most definitely drink his respect women juice

He was raised by his mother after all

BUT

doesnt mean the boy cant be a little perverted-

He just loves your body!!!!!

How can he NOT love everything about it, from the way your school tights slightly squeeze your thighs to the point where he feel like he cant breath

Or when you wear his shirts and its tighter around the chest and flowy around you waist

Mmmmmm lets not forget your hero suit- this man would probably kiss the shoes of the person who made your suit

Cause DAMN they really made it as tight as possible and he just loves it sm

Lets be real this dude has probably popped a boner by accident just thinking about your hero suit 😶

ANYWAYS 💀💀💀💀

He is very much respectful about you and keeps his raging hormones horniness to himself

He is ALWAYS making sure you feel comfortable in your relationship, whether its from holding hands to cuddling, he will always make sure you give your consent

Now, when it comes to your kindness, this is something Midoriya probably loves the most about you

But he does find it really concerning when he notices you say “yes” to everything somebody asks you to do for them

And running yourself down, not looking as energetic as yourself

He is very observant, so he notices little things that signal you are little overwhelmed

Like your clothes arent as perfectly ironed as they used to be, you seem to be forgetting your own things while remembering to bring everybody else’s, your smile seems strained, and you just look stressed

He is so incredibly empathetic- it pains him to his s/o look so distraught

It does anger him a bit that these people can so easily take advantage of you, and not even care that you arent feeling your best because of what they asked of you

But he swallows down the anger, offering to help you with whatever you need at your dorm room

He tries to make it as stress free as he possibly can, bringing your favorite snacks and playlist of music to calm your mind

But at some point hed give you a very gentle talk,,,,

He knows you havent been feeling too great, whether you deny it or not, and he wants you to know that its perfectly okay to not say “yes” to every person

He knows you mean well and you want to help everyone out of the generosity of your heart, and he loves that about you

But you as a person are important, and you come first over anyone

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

Bakugo

Like Midoriya, just LOVES your body

Like cmon, how can he NOT

Dude is a ass+boob man change ma mind

At first he deifnitely denies it-

Him??? Stare at your ass??? Pshh he was looking at the oven baka, if anything your ass was blocking his view-

You would know you caught him red handed cause he face would get redder than Momo’s hero suit and he would actually stutter—-

Which would make him extrmeely annoyed and he’d be cussing a storm+be in a grumpy mood for an hour or two

But once you two get more comfortable in your relationship-

NO HOLDING BACK

He will have use every opportunity to just be meannnn

And by mean

I mean turn slapping your ass into some sick game

Like if you dont yelp and cuss him out whats the point?

Once he slapped you so hard he legit left his big ass hand print on your butt cheek and you were about to slap his smug ass back....

But off a 50ft building 🙃

Also a big softie too

Like when you to cuddle he loves cuddling into your chest 🥺🥺

To him it’s just so comfyyyyyyyyyy

Honestly, Bakugo can’t understand at all how you can be so nice to people

It confuses him???? But he finds it really....nice???

Like half the stuff you do for people Bakugo wouldn’t ever dream of doing

He knows he’d either give that person an intimidating, dirty look or just laugh at them, cause yeah right he’d waste his time with their stupid problems

Ouchhhhhhhh

But you are totally different than him-you had a lot more patience and sympathy than he had, always coming to everyone’s rescue it seemed like

He finds it attractive and to him, it confuses the hell out of him how he does

But what bothers him is how much time you spend away from him

He won’t ever admit it, but he feels lonely when you’re not around

And what’s even worse-is by the time you do hang out with him, your too tired to even properly pay attention to him after running around and doing everything for everyone else

Bakugo the Attention Whore

One day this dude would have enough, as he’s been getting the bad end of the stick for a good couple of weeks——

He just barges into were ever your at, and doesn’t give to shits what so everrrrr

Bakugo has one mission in mind: getting his s/o back

Wouldn’t acknowledge anyone but you, grabbing your wrist and yanking you out of the room even if your protesting with him

“The hell are you doing Bakugo, let go-“

“No 😠”

“Pleaseeeeeee I was in the middle of working on something-“

“I said NO 😠😠😠”

Angry Pomeranian Activated

Once stop dragging you until he locks you in his room, forcing you to hear him out

He HATES being emotional or open, but at that, he starts spilling his guts through gritted teeth and choppy sentences,,

Saying that you waste too much time in thise “extras”, that they don’t deserve as much time as you give them, and that you have more “important” things than do all their work for them

*cough cough him being the more important thing

But hoenstly, you feel a little bad for him,,,,,

So you compromise with him and promise you’ll spend more time on him

He’s pretty happy with that,

but now he takes it one step further to make sure you deifnitely have enough time to hang out with him

If he’s around when someone asks you for help, he’ll cut them off and lie straight theough his teeth, saying you two have a “date” and squeezing you close to him with an iron grip

“Wait-Bakugo-we didnt have a date planned-“

“Tsch, now we do-“

Shoto Todoroki

I have said this timeeee and timeeee againnnn

But Shoto really is the definition of innocence

So really, it wouldn’t ever dawn on him on how killer his s/o’s body is

He’s just kinda like....yeah I know they have a butt and chest? Doesn’t everyone?😶

This poor Boi someone help him

It only really sets it after a few months of being together that he’s actually really, really in love with your body

Like how did he never notice how good you look in leggings?

Or how soft and comfortable your chest is?

And why does he want you to squeeze him with your thighs? 😳

Hormones are ragingggggg

And also veryyyyyyyy protective over you

Shoto is very observant and quiet in social situations, usually opting to check out his surroundings instead of trying to be sociable

So he’ll catch from time to time classmates commenting on you and your figure, and it never sits very well with him

At first when these incidences happened he was very conflicted, not understanding this intense jealousy and need to protect you

But after a while of contemplating his feelings, he understood it was because he was protective of you

And ohohoohohoh

This man is PROTECTIVE

He does little things you would never reallly notice until you actually do

Like when he takes you home after hanging out or a date, he lingers a little longer outside your door to make sure you’re inside safely

Or when you’re walking together he will make sure your walking inside the street and away from the cars

Also has a tendency to grab your waist or your hand when a group of men come your way

He just gets paranoid okay 🥺🥺🥺

And because he’s so protective, he doesn’t practically like that you’re being taken advantage of sometimes because of your kindness

Especially when it comes to other men

On a few occasions Shoto has spotted you in a sticky situation with a guy who was being a little too close for comfort

It would make you uncomfortable of course, you had a boyfriend you already loved a lot-

but you felt kind of bad just being a total bitch to this guy who desperately wanted a chance

So you’d just awkwardly laugh and smile with their stupid pick up lines, trying your best to be polite but also show you weren’t interested

But Shoto at this point has radar for when your in trouble, and just pops out of nowhere 💀

He’s not the type to flaunt his relationship by impulsively kissing you or anything like that, but he’ll show it in subtle ways

Like calling you “dear” or wrapping his arm around your waist

Honestly, the look of pure relief and comfort in your face shows more than Shoto could have ever done,,,

And that Shoto was deifnitely someone that was more than just a “guy fiend” and soemthing like that

Also Shoto would give them a look that could kill and that instantly scares the shit out anyone lmao

These dudes faces would deflate like balloons real quick, cause at this point everyone knows who Shoto Todoroki is

And how the hell can they compete with that

Instant “oh shit my bad” type energy

After those incidents, Shoto locks down way harder

He practically has you glued to his side, and he doesn’t let go

Like at all

Get used to it cause for the rest of the day Shoto is gonna be following you around like some body guard 💀

None of these characters or shows are my own, only the storylines and narratives I create are mine. Copying, stealing, plagiarizing, rewording, or using my storylines in other media, claiming to be your own, or reposting without my consent is not allowed.

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jeonqqin · 4 years

Text

man up. [m] | pt. 6

h. jisung x reader | netflix rom-com au

— ❝Even with classes, annoying brothers, and an unrequited crush, you still figured your first year of college was going pretty well. Until you managed to get your first boyfriend, and suddenly your brother and his stupidly attractive best friend were attached to your hip for the whole damn ride.

or alternatively;

Why did Jisung care about you so much, and had his eyes always been that pretty?❞

WORD COUNT: 4.8k

CONTAINS: brothers best friend au, teen rom-com au, sorta crack fic, love triangle au, college au

WARNING: language, eventual smut, heated kissing, minor groping, a wee bit of angst

A/N: sorry this one was late... like all the others. but hey you can’t blame me for trying lmao

▸ request

CHAPTERS: 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 +

blog masterlist | ⟲ fic song

—UNEDITED

Your head began to spin as your eyes dropped to the text sent to you, the number attached to a name that you least expected. You would never admit to how fast your heart pulsed in your chest as you skimmed the words over and over. Had Jisung said anything to her about what happened?

Was she upset with you for sending her precious boyfriend into a panic attack?

Maybe you were walking straight into a bear trap but you couldn’t bring yourself to decline or ignore her message. The guilt of hurting Jisung was too fresh, so you had a hard time doing anything against him—and in a way, ignoring Hyunae’s messages was just that. You just hoped it wasn’t an elaborate set up where she jumped you and scratched your throat out with her excessively polished fingernails. But even if she did, it was pretty fair to say that you deserved it.

So after your first class, you were able to hop on the bus for a quick trip to Haven, the thought of your next class lodged in the back of your mind. After the incident in Minho’s apartment, you hadn’t stepped a foot back inside. Granted it had only been twelve hours at the most, but it felt like days when it seemed like everyone was mad at you. Word of what happened traveled fast, and despite no one in your group of friends asking you about it specifically, you knew that they knew. You suspected that Changbin was the culprit, but you really couldn’t blame him. He didn’t exactly know the extent of the situation.

But it was hard when even Felix seemed hesitant to talk to you.

Chan was still there to text you every hour, even after you explained most of the situation to him. But he remained understanding and sweet.

As he was all the time.

When you walked into the diner, a burst of warmth enveloped you and your nose turned up at the scent of comfort food and coffee. It was nice, and eased some of the tension in your muscles.

Hyunae sat along the inside booths where most of the diners traffic was, close enough to the door that you could run if you needed to. She had her eyes cast down on her phone and your arrival hadn’t been noticed—you could’ve turned around and left then and there, ending all of your messy doubts and fears for the day. But you couldn’t. Your feet continued forward without your consent, dragging you those last final inches to her table.

With the new presence, she looked up.

Hyunae’s eyes widened for a second, darting over your form as if to double check that you were really there.

“I kind of didn’t think you were going to come.” She exhaled a small laugh, motioning towards the other side of the table where a still hot cup of coffee sat.

You took the cup in your cold hands, “Thanks…”

You didn’t know what to say—the ball was in her park and she was in control of where things headed.

She sighed, leaning back against the booth, her pretty skin flushed with the nip of the air. “I’ll just cut to the chase… I wanted to apologize for what I did—for everything that I did. I’ve been a bitch for a while, and I only realized it now.”

With her avoiding eye contact, you could openly gape at her confession, because—what?

The Hyunae was apologizing to you?

“I don’t—I don’t really understand why you’re suddenly apologizing.” You said, voice hoarse.

Hyunae tugged her sweater closer to her form, arms curling around her waist as someone else walked through the door, sending a blast of cold air through the diner.

“You know, for being a complete bitch to you while Ji and I were dating. It was all a jealousy thing to be completely honest. I didn’t actually—”

You blinked, waving your hand out to stop her rambling. You weren’t sure that you could process the first half of her words, let alone the endless ramble that she was capable of spewing.

“Are…” you swallowed. “Are you guys not together?”

She frowned, brows furrowed.

“Jisung broke up with me, Y/n. Did he not tell you?”

The scratch of a broken record echoed through your head as you nearly dropped the ceramic cup of coffee all over yourself.

“What?”

She nodded slowly, “I thought you would be the first person he told, considering…”

“Considering what?”

Her briefness and dodging was only making you frustrated, your hand waving in front of her face to finally gain her eyes. You had no idea that Jisung broke up with her, and you had no idea why. Some part of you hoped that the reason had something to do with you, but you just pushed that load of feelings away. It wasn’t fair to think of such things while the girl who had recently been broken up with sat directly in front of you.

You really were a god awful person.

She laughed a little, her eyes taking in your complete disbelief.

“Well I’ll be damned. You two really are perfect for each other, huh?”

Before you could ask exactly what that was supposed to mean, you watched as her cheeks flushed a bright red—this time not at the fault of the air. Again she laughed, all humor aside, and her hands lifted to her face as tears leaked from her eyes.

“God,” she sniffed, frantically moving to wipe her face with her sleeve. “You both really suck.”

You leaned forward awkwardly, passing her a napkin from the holder with a small tilt of your head. “I’ve come to realize that recently.”

She gave you a look that read, “don’t agree with me” and it managed to pull a laugh from your own throat. Hyunae might’ve been a little bit of a bitch, but it wasn’t without reason. She was insecure and jealous and those two things are away at someone like a virus. It was almost impossible to not feel such things at your age.

You always forgot that you were barely out of high school, the years of petty emotions and fake relationships hadn’t quite yet been erased from your minds. You were all in the same boat.

Just trying to learn along the way.

“You know what’s funny…” Hyunae smiled, her eyes wet. “I always kind of routed for you two. I didn’t really know it, but it was always in the back of my head.”

You felt your lip wobble, but you bit it down, clenching your jaw. There was no way in hell that you were going to cry. You weren’t going to do that—you had no reason to. Hyunae was the one who just lost her boyfriend, and she was the only one who was supposed to be sad.

“Every time you and him were together it just looked so right. I don’t know…” She swiped her hair over her shoulder with a sigh. “I honestly couldn’t believe it when he asked me to be his girlfriend, I thought you two had been a thing for a while—” right, you nearly forgot about the time when Hyunae was simply a friend. “—but then he came bounding up with a goofy smile on his face and that was it. It was over.”

Hyunae and Jisung had some math class together back in high school, he didn’t tell you much about her, but you knew enough to think she was a decent person. Back in those days, Hyunae was much different; sporting a thick pair of glasses and dark hair. But still just as gorgeous, as everyone with two eyes could see.

She followed Jisung around like a lost puppy, and even had to be shooed away by Minho a few times. You were just glad that she listened, since Minho’s temper had been much worse then. You didn’t remember the details but you did remember the day that Jisung jumped back to your house with a big smile and flushed cheeks. It was a time when you were still an angsty teenager and listened to terrible love songs when you were in emotional distress. So that news was a real punch in the face.

“I’m sorry.”

You didn’t know what else to say, she wasn’t exactly your friend, so you didn’t know how to take in and process the information that she just threw at you.

Hyunae shook her head.

“Don’t be sorry. I had a feeling before that it was going to happen sooner or later. Who knew it was going to be so much later?”

You sent her a small smile. She wasn’t half bad when she wasn’t completely ignoring your existence and sending murderous glances your way.

The waiter rounded up to your table—unfortunately, not Jeongin—and proceeded to ask you what you wanted to order. After Hyunae promised to pay for your meal as well, the two of you talked for what seemed to be hours. You didn’t talk about anything at all—going on about classes and professors that you couldn’t stand. Your mind was clear for the first time in weeks and it was beyond refreshing to talk to her about things that only another girl would understand. Being around boys every day of your life had taken a toll on you and you hadn’t realized it until you were laughing as Hyunae ranted about how obviously sexist your communications professor was.

You could be yourself around the boys, of course. But with her, you could be someone you hadn’t been in a long time.

With a fry between her fingers, she hummed, leaning her chin on her hand.

It was only a matter of time before she reverted to what she came to talk to you about, and you tried your hardest to redirect the conversation each time it looked like it was going to be lead down that spiral of absolute hell—

“I think you guys would be cute together.”

You deadpanned, flicking your empty straw wrapper in her direction.

“Are we really talking about He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named right now?” You quirked a brow, not at all happy with the way she snickered at your question.

“If it makes you feel better, Y/n… I think I’ve had feelings for Hyunjin for a long time as well.”

“Oh yeah, my guilt is cured.”

She nearly snorted her water, sputtering a little bit around her mouthful. You took a bit of pride in that.

“I actually missed your sarcasm, believe it or not.”

Sighing, you threw all of your remaining trash onto one plate, your belly finally full and happy. “Wow, you actually remember when we didn’t hate each other?”

“You really hated me?”

“A little bit. Your whole lovey-dovey act was a bit sickening.” You shrugged.

“Because you’re in love with Ji?”

You froze immediately.

Hyunae couldn’t just drop it? Her constant mention of Jisung was really putting a damper on your mood, and the itch of fight or flight was really beginning to kick in once again.

And to think things were going so well.

“No,” you said, shaking your head quickly. “No no, I have a boyfriend. Sort of... I’m not in love with anyone—”

“Y/n, look at me. Please,” she reached over the table to tap your chin with her pretty manicured finger, her face pulling into a soft smile. “Darling, it’s been almost two years since we graduated high school, and nothing has changed between the two of you since then. Even while you were dating other people. He still looks at you like you hung the damn stars and you still blush whenever he calls you those stupid little pet names he has for you. You’re both whipped.”

Your face softened under her stare. Her words hit a cord inside of your chest, but it was just something that made your head hurt when you thought about it. You didn’t want to think about it, let alone talk about it.

“Jisung and I have only ever been friends. Yes, we’ve been good friends for a long time, but he has never told me anything about liking me. If he can’t tell me something as simple as this then I don’t think I can—”

Suddenly her eyes were hard set, piecing fiercely into yours. It stopped you in your tracks immediately.

“Don’t make me get any more upset with you, okay?”

Hyunae was definitely a force to be reckoned with.

“Listen,” She sighed, her eyes fluttering shut. “Jisung is the best guy I’ve ever dated and that probably won’t ever change. I want him to be happy, and I want you to be happy too. So please just think about things. I’m here telling you that this boy is head over heels in love with you—that he has been for years. His fault here is the fact that he’s so oblivious to his own feelings that he can’t see yours. He just—” her hands flailed in front of her, searching for her next words. “—doesn’t know how.”

You sighed. “I always liked Jisung when I was a kid. Hell, even earlier this year I could turn to you and say—yes, I am in love with Han Jisung.”

Hyunae blinked.

“But who the hell am I to say that I’m in love with someone? I’m not—I’m definitely not.” You sighed, mind wandering back to when things barely crossed your mind for longer than a minute. Things had been tossed around so lightly. “It was frustrating because it was so easy to like him when I was young. There wasn’t this huge word hanging over my head like there is now.”

Hyunae pushes her empty plate to join yours, speaking without a care. “You know that you don’t have to love him, right? You could simply like him.”

You felt the weight behind what she was saying in your chest, you didn’t have to label what you felt for him if you still weren’t sure. The only problem with that was that you knew what you felt for Jisung, and it was stupid. Because how could you look at someone and know how you felt when you hadn’t even seen every side of them?

You couldn’t remember when he had last been serious with you. Never once had he looked at you with the eyes of an adult and told you about his inner thoughts. That wasn’t who Jisung was, he avoided those thoughts.

He was only ever happy around you, and whether that was a good or a bad thing, you had no idea.

“Was Jisung ever serious with you?”

Hyunae was momentarily stunned by your out of place question but she recovered with a small hum. “Well, a little bit. Whenever he was upset or tired he’d get a little snippy, but serious? I’m not really sure.”

That was just how Jisung was.

“Huh…”

“Oh,” she chirped suddenly, her lead raising as if she remembered something. “There was a moment when he was always serious.”

Your head quirked to the side in question, eyes wide with curiosity. Despite knowing him for years, there was still plenty of unknowns to Han Jisung, and you were curious to know more.

“What is it?”

Hyunae’s mouth opened for a moment, then closed. Many things flashed over her face at once, but it was safe to assume that she was rethinking her words. Your chest fell.

Her eyes darted away from yours, guilt flashing over her features. “I don’t think I can tell you that.”

“Not fair,” frowning, you pouted. “That’s the worst cliffhanger ever.”

She tisked, small smile pulling to her lips. “Well,” she shrugged. “You could always move forward to find out.”

She was right, you could.

There were many things you had to move forward with, many people you had to have a conversation with; Jisung definitely being one of them. With a mental list of all the people that you had questions and answers for, everything only just began to clear themselves up. It was small, but it was something. Your head was always busy anyway, having things clearing out was like a breath of fresh air that you could barely reach.

But it was still something.

“You’re right. I think I just have to start with someone else.”

Hyunae smiled, “Get on with it then. Hurry your ass out of here.”

“Well, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t expecting this,”

Maybe you shouldn’t have listened to Hyunae.

Your heart was pounding radically in your chest as you sat straight as a board on the spinning office chair of the notorious recording room. You hadn’t seen it since that day it all began—honestly it had seemed so long ago. The room was cleaned up and organized, all the wires neatly tucked into the back instead of sprawled all over the floor, and you found yourself focusing more on that than the person in front of you.

You almost had to force yourself to your chair, everything feeling way too heavy for your liking.

“What do you mean?”

Chan ran a hand through his messy curls. It was only a few days ago that you had wanted to run your own fingers through his dark hair.

“You and Jisung aren’t very subtle, but uh, I was just hoping you could like me—” he paused for a moment, filing through his mind for the right words. “—as well, I guess.”

“Oh…”

“Hey, it’s fine. Jisung’s a good guy, you guys will be good together.”

Had you stepped into a parallel universe where every ex was supportive instead of filled with rage?

“But—well, I don’t even know if we are going to end up together or anything like that. My head has just been all over the place lately and I definitely never intended to drag you into this mess. I feel awful, god I’m a terrible person, aren’t I—?”

“Y/n.” Chan said, voice firm.

Your cheeks heated at the realization of your otherwise embarrassing ramble.

“Sorry…” You squeaked.

Chan sighed, leaning more weight against his desk. “Don’t be sorry. I just don’t want you freaking out here. You need to know that I’m an adult too, none of this is all your fault.”

You froze for a moment—one stupid moment just looking into Chan’s pretty brown eyes and realizing how weak they made you feel.

Chan’s mouth curled into a sympathetic smile as a tear rolled down the apple of your cheek. His hand reached forward to swipe the intact droplet with his pointer finger, and a small giggle rippled through his chest.

“God—Don’t cry, stupid,” he suddenly brushed his hand over your face, an attempt to raise your spirits to the very end. “You’re making me feel bad.”

“I hate you…” You sniffed, swatting his hand away with a quiet sob.

As his finger ran over your wet cheek to collect the little drops that leaked down, you weren’t sure whether to laugh or cry so you did both, once again crumbling under his touch.

“Hey,” he smiled. “You can’t hate me. I should be the one hating you.”

Your lip jutted out into a pout, one that he wanted so badly to kiss from your lips.

“Then we can hate each other.”

Chan hummed, watching as your jaw clenched in an attempt to keep your emotions from falling down your cheeks. You didn’t want him to see just how conflicted you were, he knew that much.

“Okay. We can do that.”

And he leaned down to place a soft kiss to the top of your head, careful of the affection he gave you.

But it only made your stupid heart hiccup in your chest, opposed to the way it would’ve raced had it only been days prior.

With Jisung it was warmth that spread over your body, but with Chan it was like floating in a pool of water with all your clothes on; encasing and safe and just a little sticky.

You were sure if you wanted to chase after the brief relief that Chan brought to you, it was difficult to tell with the way you were trying to find your answers. Was one more chance unfair to Chan? Even after explaining your inner (and slightly unknown) thoughts and feelings to him about Jisung, could you still salvage anything if you tried one more time?

“Can I… kiss you please?” You asked, neither looking in his eyes or at his plump lips. You really liked his lips.

Chan smiled, eyes darting down to your little pout. He liked your lips too.

“You want to?”

You hummed, a small nod to tell him that you were too embarrassed to confirm his words with those of your own. But Chan was understanding and patient. He didn’t push you to do anything as Jisung did—Chan was so perfect, why the hell did you think about Han Jisung?

What was wrong with you?

You didn’t want to answer that question. You wanted it all to go away—the fear, the confusion, everything. And the way Chan was looking at you made you feel it all simmer down to nothing. His eyes were so soft.

You were backpedaling, you knew that. But it was hard not to when Chan felt so safe.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” His lips quirked up.

You felt bad for not liking Chan the way you liked Jisung. He was better to love and he showed you everything you had missed before. He held you when you were sad, cooed into your ear that everything was going to be alright when it was him who was taking the loss. Why did he do that?

Leaning forward, you all but collapsed into his embrace, finally feeling his soft lips again.

One thing you loved about Chan was his arms. You loved how they felt around you, and how strong they were. A lot of people liked his arms for those reasons too, you supposed. He may have been your first, but you certainly weren’t his.

How long were you going to go back and forth?

Reassurance was what you had with Chan, but with Jisung there was time. You took your time with him unknowingly, watching him with your brother as they played video games in Minho’s room. You were yelled at, pushed, and locked out, but you still got back up and pushed back. As uncool of a sister you were back then, you persisted.

Minho and Jisung would tease you and pick on you all they wanted, but you were still there at the end of the day. Tear stained cheeks and dirty clothes, and you were still there carrying your silly crush on your big brother’s best friend.

There was time spent building something to stand on, years of pining and banter lead to a feeling that you couldn’t just replace with a kind heart and a kiss.

No matter how nice the lips you kissed were.

Chan knew this too. He knew you were thinking of so many different factors at once, and he was still pulling you tight to him, aware that your kiss would be his last from you. What he felt with you was terrifying.

You both meant to forget.

His arms held you tight, hands respectfully placed on your waist as you pushed and pushed into the embrace. The kiss was all new and too intense, but there was something screaming at you to just keep going.

It grew more heated and your emotions mingled as a small voice began chipping away at the back of your mind; telling you that you didn’t deserve it, that you didn’t deserve him. Even as you found yourself lifting to your knees and straddling his waist, the voice persisted, not even silenced by the soft words that Chan spoke.

“I feel like you’re going to break if I touch you.” He admitted, voice unstable.

You shook your head in a daze, “I won’t, I promise.”

You wanted the thought of Jisung out—the thought of him touching another girl the same way Chan was touching you. Did he hold Hyunae like this? Did he kiss her like she was the most precious thing to him? Was there a chance that he would with you? Did he even want to?

You wanted no part of that thought so you pushed further.

“I’ll be okay, Chan. If it’s you, I’ll be okay.” You murmured.

Chan’s heart thudded in his chest.

And in that moment, he almost forgot that you were in love with someone else.

“Okay, I’ll take care of you.”

You smiled, a small burst of heat running over your cheeks.

“Sap…”

Chan nearly responded with, “but I’m your sap” but he managed to bite his tongue, distracting himself by slipping one hand under the hem of your shirt. His hand was cold but not unwelcome as it felt along your stomach, and for the first time being with Chan your thoughts slipped—his hand was too strong, too rough. It wasn’t soft and pretty like Jisung’s, it wasn’t warm and comfortable like Jisung’s had been around your waist that morning. Chan’s hands were veiny and cold to the touch. Of course ther was nothing wrong with that. But they weren’t Jisung’s.

All it took was one hug from Jisung to stir up your head, huh?

But he had felt so nice against your back, his with but muscular build feeling like it was meant to be there all along. He had hugged you from behind back in high school many times, his chin resting on your shoulder and his breath fanning over your neck. It was hard to focus then, and it had been hard to focus that morning as well. How did you not know it was Jisung?

Sure, he and Chan were similar in height but Jisung just fit differently.

And when his eyes landed on your neck, it had been the feeling of panic that crossed you. You didn’t want Jisung to see you like that—with another man’s markings over your throat.

A sudden thought crossed your mind as Chan slowed his lips journey on your neck…

Was it really Minho that was preventing you from dating?

The look in your brother’s eyes had been one of disappointment, but he hadn’t done anything, and deep down you knew there was no way he would really hurt the person you were in a relationship with. Of course he would scare them away and make it clear that he wasn’t a fan of you dating, but there you were, watching him do it, barely giving your big brother a slap on the wrist—

“Y/n,” Chan called, and you hadn’t even realized that he had taken his mouth off of your shoulder. “Babygirl…”

He tested the name on his tongue.

But his doubts were confirmed as you frowned. The nickname would’ve once sounded like heaven leaving his lips, but now...

He sent you a small smile after studying your features for a moment.

“Do you miss him, right now?”

Your eyes widened at his words—you did.

“No. Of course not,” you said, shaking your head with shaky inhales. “Why are you asking me that?”

There was an internal battle behind Chan’s eyes as he watched your face morph into discomfort. He was a little frustrated.

Chan removed his hand from underneath your shirt.

“If we’re going to be friends, Y/n… I don’t want you to lie to me anymore, okay?”

The shock that his words gave you made your eyes well up. It was like a punch to the gut to hear Chan scold you. He had never done such a thing before and you knew—you knew for sure that you couldn’t keep lying.

When you cried, Chan didn’t wipe away your tears, he simply kept his eyes on yours as his hand rubbed small circles on your back. You needed to cry, and of course Chan knew that.

He was Chan after all.

“I’m so sorry—” you hiccuped, swallowing air as your palms lifted to cover your eyes. “—this sucks. This really really sucks.”

Chan sighed, feeling the sleepless nights catch up to him as he watched you break down. It was the worst feeling. It wasn’t that you were very obviously in love with someone else despite how his own chest aches for you to sink back into him and kiss the tiredness away, no—it was the fact that it was tearing you apart. That was what hurt him the most.

“Go see Ji.”

Chan topped your head up with his finger, leaving one last peck to your tear covered lips.

“He’s probably still upset.”

You nodded, laying your head down on his chest with a shaky sigh. “You’re a good guy, Chan…”

“Yeah, I know.”

687 notes · View notes

ichayalovesyou · 3 years

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Why Does God Need A Starship? (Live Reaction):

I always thought Sybok was cool and interesting and NOW I’m sure! You know it’s times like these that I’m grateful I kinda came back into the Star Trek fandom on my own, because I don’t have to deal with Opinions of older/louder Trekkies. This one kinda has a lukewarm reputation but I’m getting the vibe that I’ll genuinely enjoy it.

Yet again Bones is serving up some LOOKS damn! Look at these elder gays! Spock has rocket boots, amazing. “Because it’s there” and then falling off the goddamn mountain is such a James Tiberius Kirk thing to do 😂 “HI BONES!” These guys omfg. OH MY GOD SO WE DO SEE CAITIANS OUTSIDE THE CARTOONS?? Hell yeah! Also pole dancing to no music, is... weird. Lmao. Also okay I’m sorry Sybok is cool! Sybok is cool and interesting and I really like him! (Not morally obviously dude is shady as all fuck, but a cool dude nontheless!) Always fascinated by Cult Leader type villains, especially when they point out valid criticisms about the society from which they came (important distinction is that the CAUSE is not vilified, but the person and their means, something M****l has largely forgotten)

Awww I may ship Hikura, but Uhura & Scotty are also cute as hell!! Awwwwwww!!!! Old married couples can be so freaking cute. Chekov & Sulu are LOST ohhhh my god this is hilarious, these two idiots. Also can we talk about how Koenig’s eyebrows are slowly gaining sentience and Takei aged like fine wine? Lol. THE HOLY TRINITY OF ELDER GAYS ARE CAMPINGGGG! I’m- oh my god they’re so cute. “Marshmelon” this is cute as hell oh my god. They’re indulging and messing with Spock at the same time I’m dead! They’re singing ohh my god this gonna give me cavities with how sweet it is!!!

This Klingon dude is frickin ROCKING the eyeliner! Bruhhhh was the frickin spotlight necessary! Leave the gays alone SHHHH they’re SLEEPING!! Lmao. Yo I’ll be real this movie starts incredibly slowly but I seriously do not mind, it’s relaxing to not have to worry about missing important details if you look away for a second, it’s nice. WAIT? Does Jim’s shirt say GOT MILK?!!? Oh no, it says go climb a rock, oh thank god [“fatty milkers” flashbacks]

Seriously McCoy is just radiating so much old southern lady/gay energy in this movie and I love it so freaking much “if you ask me (and you haven’t) this is a horrible idea” he sounds like my North Carolina living Meemaw. Wow you can see Spock low-key taking psychic damage from seeing Sybok 😲 V’tosh Ka’tur of the highest order huh? Still disturbing that his government literally cast him out, that’s a red flag 😬. What happened with Sybok is probably a lot of why Spock was pressured to be as Vulcan as he was, I’m sure Sybok was a massive scandal/shame for Sarek, and knowing him, he’d end up making that his kids’ problem not his 🙄

Oh neat!! Chekov is in the in the captain’s chair. Oh this is the song they replaced Nichols’s voice for 😤 but also GIRL THAT WAS BADASS AND THAT SONG WAS A BOP! Quick question, wow these “alien” horses are somehow even worse than the unicorn dog (also it’s a desert planet, wouldn’t it be better to have, like, alien camels or something?) This dude’s Klingon is freakin impeccable btw! He’s really got the vibe down! Jim did you forget how fuckin bananas strong Vulcans are??? Sybok went like 😡☹️ when Spock pointed that laser rifle at him 😂😂😂 again even tho I know Scotty and Uhura are married but it’s scenes like getting held hostage right there where they radiate such POWER COUPLE energy GAWD! 🤩

Stay out of this Bones we’re having a lover’s quarrel! Jim is taking fucking psychic damage from this entire conversation lol. Okayyyy whatever Sybok is doing is definitely some kind of mind control type thing, that shit is creepy af no thank youuuuuu (spores anyone?). Oh my god Spock & Jim are so married lmao, that “I’m sorry” Vulcan kiss in the brig man Aw. (Oh man Magic’s of mega-tsu got devani mixed by that comment lame!) SCOTTYYYYYY!! YAS!

Yay rocket boot glomp! Lmfao! Sybok needs to brush up on his earth history Columbus did NOT figure out the world is round 🙄 Ah Scotty being like “listen, you’re not okay rn so I’m not really down for whatever you think you wanna do right now it can wait until you’re right in the head again” and they could’ve not done that and it would’ve been creepy (especially by today’s standards) but they didn’t! And that was awesome!

Bones being skeptical and has every right to be! He’s faced down would be gods and would-be messiahs before! Also I’ve seen people judge Bones for being the first to cave but Sybok totally did that shit to him without consent! He didn’t go back on his beliefs, Sybok forced him to! BONES PROTECTION SQUAD IS HERE AND ITS ME! Oh Bones, man, poor babeyyyy (fuck Sybok!) 😭😭😭 OH MY GOD BONESSSSSS Sybok leave him alone! Goddamnit! Leave him alone!

I think Jim can see Spock’s Sybok induced vision cuz they’re ✨Bonded✨ (it didn’t seem like they could see Bones’s, other than what Bones was doing). JIM KNOWS SO MUCH BETTER! ITS HOW HE BEAT THE SPORES ITS HIS CORE! I UNDERSTAND AND LOVE HIM FOR IT!!! Spock 😍😍😍 he’s like, you’re bullshit happiness pill doesn’t work on me cuz I am whole for the first time in my life, and I love my husband, and I already learned my lesson decades ago 💚🖖🏻💚 (who knew how important the character development from This Side of Paradise AND Return To Tommorow would be??? Hell yeah!)

I love Scotty so much 🥰 hardcore badass Hufflepuff from beginning to end! Also I hope Sybok appears in SNW that could be really really interesting if they do it right! ITS GOD (derogatory) REVERE HIM! Oh here comes that legendary question!! “What dies God need with a starship?” Red flag don’t call Jim a creature! Oh shit god has laxer eyes oh no lmao! Bones snaps out of whatever Sybok did to him when “God” hurts his friends and we LOVE HIM FOR ITTTT! Awww Spock & Sybok and be saaaaad, oh shit! Into the lightning to fight a mirror of yourself like Lazarus in that one episode!

OH SHIT THE KLINGONS ARE HERE! Oh damn Spock just swore a cuss the right way, at a Klingon General no less! General dude just went “caotain tell Kirk you are sorry!” LMAO! NOT IN FRONT OF THE KLINGONS 😂😂😂😍 KISS DAMNIT!! God this whole after scene is so good, maybe the god is the friends we made along the way. “I lost a brother once” you also lost SAM dummy, I know you were just telling Spock you love him but still. SHUT UP SPOCK IS PLAYING ROW ROW ROW YOUR BOAT ON HIS LYRE??

Okay, seriously, I unironically love this movie, it might be my favorite out of the ones I’ve seen so far actually. TMP felt like the movies getting their sea legs, but it was slow and messy, it wasn’t as thought provoking as it wanted to be (aside from Spock’s wonderful arc in that film). WoK & TSFS are amazing for drama and angst and Spirk content, but they weren’t really asking the big questions Star Trek is wonderful for. Then The Voyage Home is just plain silly and fun and wholesome. But this, this movie had depth! The whole premise is “what is god and is there is one?” I LOVE that as someone who has a very complicated relationship with spirituality. I also already loved the TOS episodes This Side of Paradise, Return To Tomorrow, The Omega Glory and The Way To Eden, and this movie had the best of those concepts! Sybok was such a fascinating antagonist/anti-hero and I hope we get to see him explored more on screen one day, even if it’s just through Discovery/SNW flashbacks. It may have started off slow and it’s not without its flaws but this felt like the Star Trekkiest TOS Star Trek movie so far!

#star trek #star trek v: the final frontier #the final frontier #why does god need a starship #star trek tos #tos liveblog #liveblogging #Sybok

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watchinglikeafangirl · 3 years

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Lovely Writer Epsiode 8 - analysis

I have to say, this week's episode is the best one so far because so many things got explained and the puzzlepieces suddenly find their places. It's incredible how much hidden forshadowing the other episodes contain. Every week, I sit here and find clues they placed in episode 3 or something. It's really nice and that's what good writing is about. I find the script really great because this show focuses on so many different aspects, it's literally overwhelming.

On the one hand, we have Nubsib and Gene's lovestory which mostly happens apart from all the other stuff going on. Lovely Writer makes fun of all these cheesy romances with cringey dialogue underlined with a soundtrack that doesn't fit the atmosphere in the scenes at all. Gene and Nubsib have scenes which mix all the cliches at the same time. But at the same time, their lovestory is slow and their affection for each other is not all about physical attraction because love is not about that. Of course, enjoying kissing and having sex is a normal part of a relationship but I often feel like BLs want to tell me all the other stuff happens "off screen" because the talks late at night and taking care of each other are actually way harder to write. But Lovely Writer shows us very much about all those other aspects of a relationship, for example when Gene and Nubsib talk on the phone for hours. These are relationship goals which are rarely addressed but take place way more often than making out.

On the other hand, Lovely Writer is not about a lovestory at all. They make the Thai BL industry look bad by showing the harmony on camera and during interviwes is a fassade because all this pressure and fame gets to one personally and you turn out to be the worst version of yourself. This industry basically wants the actors to sacrifice their life, their identity for entertainment. This is a very sharp critic and Lovely Writer portrays this very well. They manage to switch between lovestory and toxic film business quite well.

Lovestory in a fairytale

Last episode nubsib went to the house where Gene hid and this story continues in this episode. We all know, what happened last week, there were many gifs about it and the cuteness continues here on an even higher level.

But all this takes place somewhere far from their work with no other people around. They are in this house together and spend two day there of explorig their feelings and I guess, talking about stuff most of the time. The rooms are always flooded with daylight and it looks very cozy and warm. Their relationship went next level and they both are very happy about it, so the first half of this episode contains a lot of positive feelings and the outside is not interfering. It looks more like a lovestory in a fairytale because they are drunk on happiness and excitement. It's something new, the start of a relationship and that's a big step. In the beginning they don't face challenges and can basically live happily in this house. But of course, the fairytale has to end and they go back. The mood switches at an instant and the lighting is different because now they aren't as free any more. Before, they were in a lonely house and were free to do anything.

This sort of bright lighting returns on the balcony because there, they can't be disturbed either and are just two young people in love again. Being in love in a silly and cheesy way is also part of a relationship and it's something normal, so Gene and Nubsib have those moments too even after they are back because now we (and Gene) know it's real. It's not something that happened in a different world. It is the reality and takes place even in the normal life.

Relationship goals

Like I said, their relationship looks very natural and is not faked or forced. In fact, their romance is too good to take. They share a few kisses but it's not the kisses which make my heart melt. It's Nubsib ask for consent in those moments. It's their talks. It's the little actions for me because little actions of care and love are way cuter than just a bunch of kiss and NC scenes. That's not what I want. I only watch BLs because they are about a love despite what society might tell you is right. I'm not here for kiss scenes. In some shows, all the private scenes of the main couple contain either kissing or sex and I don't understand why. In a relationship, you like this part as well but like the person you do that with more.

So, I like Gene and Nubsib's relationship being more lovingly and honest very much because trust, loyalty and honesty are more important.

Also, we can see they are both very serious about the relationship and go all in for it. There is no angrily storming off again. There is no being mad for a whole epsiode any more. There is no annoying shyness and blushing. Both characters don't really match the cliche dynamic and I love that because stereotypes just make me sick.

Here, Gene and Nubsib have an argument and even though they get disturbed, Nubsib makes sure they will talk about it later. They will have a mature and conversation about this when they both have calmed down. And this is real. This is normal and nothing to be very scared of. It's just a little argument that will probably be solve in a few sentences.

Lovely Writer has a whole concept. We got a moment when one of them was storming off and was mad for a whole episode but they just did that to reverse it and portray it as unrealistic and unfair for the other person because this way Gene wasn't giving Nubsib any chance to apologize nor explain himself.

Oversexualization

If I'm gonna talk about the fact the love story doesn't contain a lot of kiss or NC scenes, then I need to talk about this problem here. Actually, the oversexualization of BLs is harshly criticized in this scene and I belive Gene is totally right but the thing is, it's not just the Thai BL industry and it's not just BLs. It's far more than that and I believe westernization is a part of it (that's a huge topic, I know. I will only address one tiny aspect here). I don't know very much about the eastern countries of Asia. I only know what I've seen in documentaries or on the internet, so I can't say I'm an expert at all. But from what I know and what I've seen, Eastasian societies are more closeted about relationships and sex. I'm not saying every country (please, don't be offended and feel free to correct me) and I don't know how open Thailand is about this topic but I feel like the "western" countries are more open about it. I live in Germany and here it's a topic like everything else and people tend to overshare. I feel like the countries which are that open, oversexualize very quickly because it's no difficult topic among the people. So, oversexualization happens in all film businesses of such countries and since Thai BLs have fans all over the world, they oversexualize too in order to make the people like it. The whole internet seems horny all the time, so it works and sells itself pretty good. So, Gene doesn't just call out the Thai BL industry. He basically calls out half of the world's film businesses because they all do it.

But like Hin said, that doesn't mean NC scenes should be banned or are bad. Just an overuse of such passages is the problem here because then it's not about romance any more. Then, you can call it an erotic novel. When there's one or two NC scenes and they make sense in the story, it's totally fine. The writers and authors just need to find the right balance. And since the preview looked like things will be happening, then it's just happening because the mood was right. See sex as part of bonding because relationships are basically just good friendships with some next level stuff.

Consent

People love Nubsib asking Gene for consent whenever he wants to kiss him and that's really considerate but I saw this post here and discovered Nubsib is not the king of consent at all. He's only asking for consent whenever they are alone. But not when they are with other people because he knows Gene is shy. He outs him to three people during this episode even though he said he'll wait and Gene obviously doesn't want him to do that. Afterwards, he even comforts Gene to lift the pressure but he can't deny he put this pressure on Gene in the first place. As I said, Gene is shy towards other people, Nubsib knows that and plays this card. With others, Gene won't say anything because he's too polite and also, you don't have an argument in front of others. So, Nubsib doesn't stay true to his words and is still manipulative.

Finding your soulmate

Believe it or not, but I totally see Lovely Writer fulfilling the "soulmate" trope because this episode both indicated this - more or less through words.

Nubsib tells Gene, he felt lonely all these years in America and this loneliness vanished when he saw Gene again. He had a relationship before but still felt lonely (also, I love his previous relationship doesn't matter at all. There's no jealousy or anything). This sounds like he wants to say Gene is his long awaited soulmate.

Gene was lonely as well over all these years and got used to it but as soon as he and Nubsib grow closer he's reminded of the loneliness. He doesn't accept it any more and I believe he's nearly dying inside right before he calls Nubsib. They spend two days alone and many things happen emotionallywise, so when he gets home, he feels very lonely. Nubsib reminded him what it's like to not be lonely. He became aware of the loneliness again and hates it even more now he has someone freeing him from that feeling. Even though Gene doesn't say it, I feel like they want to tell me Nubsib is his soulmate too.

Product placement

This show's product placement cracks me up everytime. The picture with this woman... what was that lmao

Why would she hold up a face mask for a picture?

Also, the spray is so misplaced... Gene was upset but Nubsib was like "at least smell good"

Nubsib: the king of comforting

#lovely writer #gene x nubsib #this episode was too good #their relationship is so pure

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astralsweetness · 4 years

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Set my soul on fire (make me wild) || Hui/Reader (M)

➣ I was originally going to write a LOT more smut (I had so much planned that I never got to!!! ugh).. Maybe I’ll have to do a part 2 or something 👀 the amount of time i spent looking at pics of his studio just so that one scene would be accurate is insane Title from the song ‘Queen of Disaster’. Very briefly proof-read, so please feel free to inform me of typos!

➣ Hui/Reader | Hui drunkenly kisses the reader without explicit consent but owns up to it bcs I’m tired of every other fic that includes this trope just glossing over it | Smut warnings include: masturbation, fingering, hair-pulling (implied), biting (mostly implied), oral + snowballing, slight pain/masochism (implied), some humiliation/degradation + some praise, referenced submissive headspace, and all of them apply to Hui lmao. Also it’s mentioned that Hui isn’t strictly heterosexual and if that bothers you then idk what to tell you

➣ “He is hanging off your every word and you suddenly feel like you have a choice to make - it’s one you don’t think about for more than a second, because you realize that you don’t need to.”

Hui knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that you had completely ruined his life just by existing in it.

It wasn’t a bad thing, necessarily. The feeling he got whenever you smiled at him, for example, was definitely not a bad thing. The way his skin tingled whenever you brushed against him was.. bothersome, but not a bad thing. The way his heart sped up and beat almost painfully hard whenever he indulged in his regular skinship with you wasn’t particularly bad, but he’d stopped doing that recently just as a preservation strategy so he didn’t die in the next year from a heart attack. (He was a naturally touchy person, and he wasn’t completely sure how he felt at having to stop that with you specifically.)

The way his mind constantly drifted to thoughts of you was starting to become an issue though, as was how he tensed up whenever you got even moderately close to him. You’d started to notice, and he had no idea how to tell you that it was happening because of that one time the rest of the boys had ‘accidentally’ forced the two of you to be pressed against one another in an elevator, and that just the knowledge that your breasts were pressing against his arm had him fighting to not get hard like some sort of teenager. He wasn’t totally sure how successful he’d be the next time if something similar happened.

Still, you were, as far as he was concerned, completely unattainable, and that in itself was a problem. He’d experienced his fair share of heartaches and heartbreaks before, but this was.. different. At least in those circumstances he’d gotten a definitive answer.

With you though, he couldn’t even bring himself to ask, had resigned himself to pining over you like a kid with a crush.

If you hadn’t ruined his life then you sure as hell had made it harder.

.｡..｡.

When Hui gets a knock on his studio door around six pm he’s not particularly surprised – lately his members had taken to dropping in to make sure he had eaten something that day. (Usually he had not.)

He is surprised to see you standing alongside Yuto when he opens the door, so he glances at the maknae suspiciously – Yuto seems perfectly innocent, but Hui wasn’t exactly sure how much of that was an act.

“Hyung, did you eat today?” The younger boy holds up a bag as an offering – it doesn’t look like the regular convenience store food the boys would usually grab for him, so Hui accepts it hesitantly.

“I was originally just going to bring food for Hyunggu, since he was apparently starving in his studio or something, but then he mentioned that you never ate either, so..” You’re looking at him like you’re vaguely disappointed, and it makes a funny feeling tighten in his chest so he pretends to be completely absorbed with looking through the bag. He’s not sure where you got the food from, but it was mostly stuff that he actually liked. “I went to a place Hyunggu wanted, but he told me what he thought you’d like from there – I hope he was right.”

“This – you didn’t have to do this.” It’s nice not being the one buying things for once, he has to admit that to himself, but he still felt a bit bad that you’d felt the need to bring him anything at all. “Thank you, though.”

“You’re right, I didn’t have to. I wanted to – just like I wanted to bring Yuto food too when Hyunggu told me he was also here.” You’ve perched on the edge of his small leather couch and he wonders if you’d ever been in here before – he honestly can’t remember, though with how hyper-aware he was of you it was pretty safe to assume you hadn’t been. Yuto’s lingering near the door quietly, watching you and he interact, and he feels like the younger is analyzing what was happening.

“Thank you for it – I should go eat it now, while it’s still warm.” Yuto’s gentle bass of a voice is almost soothing, but Hui shoots him a look anyway because he suddenly knew what was happening. His maknaes were downright masterminds when it came to plans like this, and he can’t think of any way to get Yuto to stay before you bid him a cheerful goodbye as the Japanese boy smiles at the both of you as he carefully closes the door.

“Should I go too? I don’t want to distract you or be a bother or anything.” Your question is so sincere that he just looks at you for a few moments, tries to figure out a way to say ‘Yes, you do distract me and bother me, but definitely not in the way you’re thinking’. He finally settles on a single head shake, clearing a small portion of one of his desks to place the food on.

“Did you already eat?”

“No, but I’m fine.” Your answer is quiet, and he glances over to see you gazing around his studio – he feels vaguely embarrassed, though he’s not particularly sure why. His studio is remarkably small, it’s true, but he’s not actually ashamed of anything in it.

“You’ve never been in here before?” He’s pretty sure you haven’t, but there’s no harm in confirming it. You’d been focused intently on reading the names on his soccer jerseys, but once he speaks you turn all that intense concentration on to him and his mouth goes dry.

“Nope. Not that I remember, anyway, and I’m pretty sure I’d remember that.” You’re smiling at him and he doesn’t know why that’s something you’d remember, but your smile makes him not really care about the particulars. “Now eat, Hui.”

He raises his eyebrows at the parental tone you’ve adopted but says nothing, knowing there was no way he could get out of it now – and honestly, he didn’t really want to. He was really fucking hungry, and the meat you’d brought him smelled delicious.

It’s only as he’s taking his first bite (which is excellent by the way, Hyunggu apparently had a very good taste in restaurants) that he remembers what you said about not eating and makes a stupid split-second decision. (He’s never been one to think about things like this too much before blindly doing them, which was probably a problem, come to think of it.)

“Here –“ He holds the strip of bulgogi out towards you, one hand underneath, the sound of his heartbeat a constant background theme song. “Say ‘ah’~” And it’s so easy to pretend, to act like he’s just being friendly, to tinge everything he says with a bit of aegyo – you roll your eyes at him but accept the food anyway.

It’s not easy to ignore the intimacy of an act like this, to ignore the way he’s hit with a sudden yearning deep in his chest to be able to feed you food whenever, like a real significant other could.

“Thank you, but no more! This food is for you.”

“Okay, okay.”

The silence that slips back afterwards is mostly comfortable – you seem determined to make sure he eats, so while he does so you go back to gazing around his studio. Hui feels like there really wasn’t that much to look at, but you hadn’t looked bored yet, taking in the contents of his desk and then computer monitor. He realizes belatedly that he still had the windows open for some of their unreleased tracks, but when he glances at you again you’ve already moved on from them, so he leaves them where they are.

“Are you still seeing that one guy?” It’s easy conversation, light and carefree even if the topic makes him feel a bit bitter – as much as the knowledge of you seeing other people ate away at him he knows it would bother him more if you didn’t feel comfortable talking with him about it at all. Being able to be a close friend you confided in was something he cared more about than not feeling jealous.

“Oh – no, I’m not.” Your tone is carefully disinterested, but he can see through it well enough by now. Still, he doesn’t say anything, just turns so he’s fully facing you, focused and listening. “We just had a – confliction of interests I guess you could say.” You laugh softly at your wording and he laughs too, even if he doesn’t totally understand what you mean.

“And that means, what, exactly?”

“He thought women should be submissive during sex, and I disagreed.” ..Oh. Hui’s gaze darts away as he tries to process that – it wasn’t that you talking about sex was surprising. He was used to talking with you about intimately private things like this, though that was before this annoying infatuation with you had manifested into the tiresome nuisance it was now. Still, you’d never exactly stated your.. affinities towards any one thing.

“Ah.. is that so?” He sounds much hoarser than he’d meant to, like he’d choked on something – he still can’t look at you, because suddenly all he can think about is what that meant, if it meant leather and pain or lace and sweetness, if it meant scathing words or saccharine praises.

“Are you blushing?” You’re leaning forward off his couch, grinning and trying to get a look at his face, one of your hands on his knee to keep him from turning away from you - and he realizes that yes, he is fucking blushing, and the place you were touching him felt like it was blistering with heat. “Well, at least you’re not getting all upset with me for injuring your masculine pride or whatever by being a woman who doesn’t like to –“

“Okay! Okay okay, please take mercy on me!” His slightly exaggerated whining is met with your laughter, and his face feels like it’s on fucking fire, but he can’t look away from you now that he’d accidentally met your gaze.

“Sorry – you’re just so cute when you’re flustered!” And he knows he shouldn’t take this as anything more than friendly teasing, just like whenever Hyunggu would call him ‘cute’ whenever he got scared of something, but your words still make something short-circuit in his brain and he swears to everything that you will be the death of him.

“I’m – sorry things didn’t work out with him, but you’re really going to kill me if you keep this up.” And it’s not even a lie – he is ninety-eight percent sure that if you keep talking like this without giving him time to recuperate then he was just going to over-heat and pass out.

“I should go anyway, I’ve distracted you long enough – I didn’t go too far, did I?” You’ve stood up now and are looking down at him with a worried smile, so he just shakes his head because he’s pretty sure if he tried to talk he’d say something stupid like ‘No, I definitely didn’t mind hearing you say that, and while you’re at it please tell me some more’. “I’ll talk to you later, okay? Make sure you eat it all!”

He manages a “goodbye” that sounds sort of like he wasn’t dying, waving to you until you leave and his studio door beeps to signify that it was locked again.

“For fuck’s sake..” Hui forces himself to breathe deep, tries to will some of the heat to leave his face. He really didn’t know why he was getting so flustered over something like this – he wasn’t usually the type. Was it just because it was you? Because he definitely wouldn’t mind if you preferred to be dominant?

Hui curses again, a quiet ‘fuck’ that doesn’t really encompass everything he’s feeling but seems to be the best he can manage. Fuck indeed. He was so fucked.

.｡..｡.

The next time Hui’s in his studio he does his best to forget about the conversation the two of you had had last in there, tries to forget the way his entire body had lit up when you touched his leg, tries to forget the way you’d smiled so sweetly when he fed you.

It doesn’t go well.

To be honest, he didn’t do things like this often – he was busy most of the time, and if he was in his studio then he usually had something he needed to work on instead. But being in this room less than twenty-four hours after you had off-handedly mentioned that you liked to take a more dominant approach in the bedroom had him unable to concentrate on anything else, though he had made a valiant effort for an upwards of fifteen minutes.

With an agitated huff he’s pushing his chair back from his desk with more force than necessary, moving to make sure his studio’s door was locked before taking a seat on the edge of his couch. For a moment he contemplates if he’s really going to do this, runs an aggressive hand through his dyed silver hair and then curses the tingling pain it brings that he doesn’t quite hate as much as he should in the moment.

There’s a lingering feeling of shame and a much stronger feeling of embarrassment covering his body when he reaches for himself, though it only lasts for a few moments until the feeling of the rough friction of his palm through his jeans overpowers anything else.

Hui tips his head back with a soft moan before he remembers he needs to keep quiet, bites his lip when he unzips himself so he can wrap his fingers around his cock more easily. He’s rough, impatient, wants to finish fast but also likes the slight bit of pain – he full body shudders when he finally tugs the waistband of his briefs down and feels the cold air hit him, falling back onto his forearm. He knows, for a fact, that there’s a small bottle of lube in one of his drawers somewhere, but he doesn’t bother looking for it – he’s slick enough as is, and the slight pain keeps him grounded, keeps him from getting into it enough that he wouldn’t be able to monitor his volume.

There’s a slight urgency surrounding it all that is always there when doing something like this in a semi-public place, and he gives into it this time and allows it to urge him on quicker, fucking into his fist like he was going to get caught at any second.

He wants to drag this out, wants to get this over with, wants to think about anything else or feel the need to pull up some dirty video on his phone to finish, but all he can think about is you, you, you – he wonders what it would be like if you were the one stroking him instead, if you’d take pity on him or would be ruthless, if you’d whisper sweet compliments into his skin or humiliate him with biting words, if you’d bite at his neck, he really wanted you to bite at his neck and mark him up –

He orgasms with a choked off cry, hastily shoves the back of his wrist against his teeth to try to keep quiet as his hips buck sloppily into the loose circle of his fingers. He’s never been particularly quiet, and another wave of arousal washes over him as he imagines you telling him to keep it down, warning him that you’d have to gag him otherwise. He whimpers pitifully at the thought and tries to shut his mind down, feeling overstimulated both physically and mentally.

His fingers are sticky, the warmth quickly drying on his skin, and he feels much too hot, a thin sheen of sweat clinging to his skin alongside a layer of shame. He’s not totally sure why but he feels like he’s just made everything worse, like somehow he’d crossed a line and now being around you was going to be ten times harder.

He also feels like this was inevitable though, that his attraction to you had been building for so long that if he hadn’t found a release for it somewhere then he would have gone insane.

Or maybe he’s insane now, now that he’d done something this dirty and depraved. He really didn’t know, gaze still just a bit glassy and unfocused.

What he did know was that he was completely and utterly fucked at this point, collapses onto his back and lets his aching forearm finally take a break as his eyes slide shut in defeat.

.｡..｡.

“You’re not serious.”

“Of course we are, hyung – why, do you have a problem with it?”

Hongseok is taunting him, like he always does, and Hui would usually play along and tease him back but he feels completely thrown off guard and does nothing more than blink at all of them incredulously. His lack of a playful reaction in return has Hongseok softening a bit at the edges, but Hyunggu isn’t nearly as merciful.

“What’s the problem with it? You’ve been wanting us to do something bonding like this for a while, and now we have a time to do it, a reason to do it, and someone to make sure we don’t screw it all up by doing something stupid when we’re drunk.”

“We didn’t force her, hyung, she offered when we asked.” Yuto’s trying to alleviate Hui’s concerns, but he’s way off base – still, he’s trying, so Hui manages what he hopes is more smile than it is grimace in the Japanese boy’s direction.

“We want to drink, she doesn’t like drinking, and we have a few days off because Road to Kingdom ended – what are you so worried about?” Changgu asks him, kind and sincere as always – Hui doesn’t trust him for a minute, but he can’t fight the natural urge to tell everyone what his issue was anyway. God, he hated them sometimes. (They were his family, and he supposed sometimes you just had to hate your family.)

“You all know my – my problem with her.”

“Yeah, we know you want to –“

“Date her.” Wooseok cuts Shinwon off at the last second, modifying whatever it was his hyung had been about to say – Shinwon looks both annoyed and scandalized that Wooseok had thought he was going to say anything else. Hui does his best to ignore them.

“You really thought I’d be okay with her being the one watching over us while we drank? Knowing that none of us can drink well?” He swore he could literally feel his stress levels rising – it wasn’t like he was an embarrassing drunk or anything, but he knew he had an incredibly low tolerance for it, and he also knew that if the entire group was drinking then they were just going to end up egging one another on until everyone was truly smashed.

“Well, you’re going to have to be okay with it, hyung.” Hyunggu, always the hard-ass, insists forcefully – he doesn’t say it unkindly, but he says it in a tone that brooks no room for disagreement. It’s more Kino’s voice than it is Hyunggu’s, scarily similar to when they’re in the practice room.

Hui knows he could override it with hyung or leader seniority, knows Hyunggu is watching him carefully to see if it’s actually something the elder couldn’t deal with.

He ultimately says nothing, just sighs in a way that lets everyone else know he’s acquiesced – the resulting cheer brings a small smile to his face, even if he still feels uneasy about how the planned drinking night would go. He knew that when it came to both his members and you in one building with alcohol involved there was no way he wasn’t royally fucked.

.｡..｡.

The night goes exactly as you expected it to – none of the Pentagon members could hold their liquor particularly well, which meant that after an hour and a half they were all at their limits. (It was honestly kind of funny to watch. They were all so intent on getting one another drunk that they weren’t really even paying attention to the way everyone was sabotaging each other by constantly keeping the cups full.)

Still, that meant you were mostly trying to make sure they didn’t kill or injure themselves somehow. It wasn’t too hard of a task, though you did have to threaten both Wooseok and Hyunggu to keep them from climbing on top of the only coffee table Dorm A had. You were pretty sure the glass would just shatter under their combined weight. Hyunggu had targeted you with an impressive pout after that, but he’d lost interest pretty quickly when Yuto had fallen asleep - not that you blamed him, the rapper was sort of adorable when he slept.

It also meant that when Hui got up to get water – he swore that’s what he was getting, at least – you followed him. The man was a menace in the kitchen when he was sober, you were almost afraid to imagine what he’d manage to do when he was drunk. Just his presence alone might cause the stove to burst into flames or something. He was seriously cursed.

“Why are you following me?” His question is just a bit slurred together, almost sounding more like he was incredibly sleepy instead of drunk – you figure it’s because he hadn’t had as much to drink, but you weren’t really sure. You hadn’t been monitoring how much any person drank, more concerned with keeping them alive. (They could manage to injure themselves sitting on the floor sober, so being drunk just made your job several times harder.)

“Just checking.” You murmur – he raises his eyebrows at your comment but doesn’t say anything else, turning to grab a glass from one of the cupboards. You watch him for four whole seconds before you decide he’s about to knock several of them to the floor, stepping forward to reach for it instead. Maybe you’d been wrong about how much he had drank.

“I could have gotten it..” His petulance makes you smile, doing your best not to laugh at the little “hmph” he gives you when you inform him that no, he probably could not have.

“Just let me take care of you, you big baby. At least this way I can make sure you’re getting only water.”

“That is all I was getting..” He’s still sulking when you hand it to him, face flushed from the culmination of everything he’d drank tonight. You force your gaze away when he begins to drink – even drunk off his ass he was still an infuriatingly confusing mix of handsome and cute, and you resolutely did not want to watch his throat when he swallowed.

The sound of glass hitting a bit too hard on a solid surface startles you – Hui’s set his glass down incredibly close to your hand, depth perception just a bit fucked. You want to open your mouth to scold him for the close call, but his body heat is incredibly distracting, and he’s raising one of his hands and your breath catches in your throat.

He cages you in against the dorm’s sink, one hand on the side of your neck – to angle the kiss better or to steady himself you weren’t sure – with the other bracing himself as he presses his lips to yours. He’s so ultra-hot against your body, tastes of the same fruity drink Shinwon had been pressing into his hand all evening, the metal of his belt buckle biting into your stomach.

It’s not until he gives a soft breathy moan into your mouth that you realize you’ve been kissing him back for the past thirty seconds in his own kitchen, heedless of the rest of his members in the adjoining room or the fact that he was drunk enough he could barely stand without assistance. You press at his shoulders with minimal force, missing the pressure of his lips when he instantly moves away.

“What..?” He looks immensely confused, and you feel awful for kissing him back when you weren’t totally sure he was even aware of what he was doing. “Why’d you push me away?“

“Hui –“

“You kissed me back, so why’d y –“

“I just don’t want you to do something you’re going to regret later, Hwitaek.” You hope the use of his full name will get through to him – it seems it does, in some regard, because while he chokes out a half-disbelieving and half-tormented laugh he still pauses and blinks at you slowly like he was trying to carefully choose his next words.

“You act like I haven’t wanted to do this since the first time I met you.” And oh, his voice is just a bit huskier, a bit slurred on the syllables, but he says them carefully and you know that, at the very least, Drunk Hui meant them.

The problem was that you didn’t know if Sober Hui would agree.

“You should go to bed, Hui.” You say this instead of saying all the other things crowding the tip of your tongue, instead of grabbing him by the collar and kissing him again – alcohol took away a person’s consent, and you weren’t about to take a chance to pressure Hui into doing something you weren’t sure he wanted in the first place.

“No one else has gone to bed yet..” Now he’s sulking – but this is normal, this you can deal with. You can pretend like your lips didn’t still tingle where his had been touching, can pretend like you weren’t already addicted to the feeling.

“That’s not really a valid argument considering Yuto’s fallen asleep twice already.” You counter, watching the way he bites at his bottom lip in frustration – you know it for what it is, and it still seems coy to you instead, like he’s trying to seduce you.

God, what was wrong with you? He was just pouting now, brow furrowed, and you feel absolutely pathetic for seeing his current actions as anything other than what they really were.

It didn’t matter how attractive or desirable you found him, you couldn’t in good conscience do anything while he was so inebriated.

“Come on, Hui – let’s get you to bed so I can get back to the other boys to make sure they haven’t done something stupid, like coercing Hongseok into wrestling Changgu shirtless. Again.”

“It wasn’t that stupid –“

“They literally broke a bookshelf with their bodies, be quiet.” The banter comes easily, is normal and comfortable – it’s easy to pretend like he hadn’t just been kissing you, like you hadn’t just been fantasizing about him seducing you of his own free will. His skin is warm underneath your fingertips, flushed from the alcohol, as you direct him by the bicep down the hall and to his room.

You’re rarely in here – he’s rarely in here, actually, considering how much time he spends at his studio, how often he sleeps there. Because of that his room is sparsely decorated, an incredibly faint lingering smell of the cologne he occasionally wore clinging to the edges of some of the surfaces. It’s a heady scent that you do your absolute best to ignore, because it brings to mind images of him whenever he bothered to get extra dressed up, devastatingly handsome.

He lets you guide him over to his bed with zero fuss but turns back towards you when his knees hit the edge of it, one hand coming up to caress your cheek. It’s a deceptively gentle action, and you know you should really stop him, but you don’t move when he leans in to kiss you again. Underneath the flavor of alcohol there’s a distinctive taste that is purely him, and you know if you weren’t addicted to kissing him before then you definitely were now.

When you nip at his bottom lip and he lets out a shuddering moan you realize what you’re doing, try to pull away as fast as you can – this wasn’t fair to him, when he wasn’t in his right mind – but he catches you with a hand frantically landing on your waist, dropping his head to litter kisses along your jaw and then throat. You try to ignore the way your legs go weak at the feeling.

“Please –“ It’s more of a whine than a plea, but you feel it against the skin of your neck all the same, the words dragged along your pulse-point like a searing flame. “If we don’t now, then I don’t think –“

“You need to sleep.” It takes every ounce of willpower inside of you to ignore the wetness pooling between your legs, the insistent hard press of his cock against your thigh, the way his whimper when you push at his chest vibrates along the skin of your shoulder where he presses one last desperate kiss. “We can – we’ll talk about it in the morning.” You continue to push him gently back until he’s sitting on the edge of his bed, gazing up at you through his eyelashes, flushed and looking five different kinds of wrecked. Your entire nervous system threatens to shut down at the sight and you’re not sure that you can keep your promise about talking about it tomorrow.

He’s apparently not sure of it either, expression pinched and distraught when you press him insistently by the shoulders back onto his bed. His hair is ruffled and his eyes are glazed (from the alcohol or lust, you weren’t sure), his lips slick and kiss-bruised –

You tear your gaze away and force yourself to breathe again. When you look back Hui’s thrown a forearm over his eyes, bottom lip snagged between his teeth, breathing labored.

It takes ten seconds before you’re out of the room, clicking the door shut as quietly as you can, trying to erase the imagery of tears staining his face.

.｡..｡.

When Hui wakes up it’s to a pounding head and the vaguely disgusting feeling you get when you sleep in your clothes on top of your covers. His entire body hurts and he makes the same promise he always does when he wakes up like this, the same one he’s never kept – he’ll never drink again. Or, at the very least, he’ll never drink that much again.

His whole room spins when he pushes himself up, groaning softly at the way he feels like the world tilts dangerously on its axis as he slides his legs off the edge of his mattress. It’s only because of this world-shifting that he notices Wooseok asleep on the other side of his bed, all his long limbs drawn in as close as possible, his brow furrowed in his sleep.

He wonders when the maknae had ended up here and how they’d decided on rooms while he goes to the pain-staking process of draping one of his extra blankets over the tall boy. The world is still too bright (even with his blinds shut) and every step he takes feels a bit like walking through mud, but when he sees the way Wooseok slightly relaxes after being covered it all feels worth it.

The trek from his room to the kitchen feels like it takes much longer than it should, but at the very least the suspiciously long stretch of the dorm gives ample time for his headache to shift from excruciating to manageable. He was going to find the bottle of Aspirin, take all of them, and then go the fuck back to sleep. (Okay, maybe one of those was an exaggeration, but it sure felt like he could use that many painkillers.)

“Good morning.” He almost chokes when he hears your voice, a sudden onslaught of memories causing his face to heat up – you weren’t even looking at him, busying yourself with the small skillet Hongseok kept religiously cleaned. Hui wasn’t sure if his nausea was due to the smell of food or the way all he could think about was how he had – stupidly, why the fuck had he done that – kissed you and then tried to get you into bed with him.

“..Morning.” He hopes you take his lackluster response as a product of his hangover, sliding into one of the chairs at the kitchen table so he can bury his head in his hands.

“That bad, huh? You’re going to have to learn to tell Shinwon ‘no’ when he offers you drinks, you know.” He looks up to see you placing what he assumes is an Aspirin down on the table in front of him, already turned back to grab him water. He’s not sure if he’s glad you mistook his suffering as the results of a hangover or not.

“Thanks.” He waits until you hand him the glass before he takes the medicine, downing the rest of the contents when he realizes just how thirsty he was. He can feel the weight of your gaze still on him and it makes the blood in his veins feel like ice, knowing you had to remember the exact same things he (suddenly) did.

“If it makes you feel any better, Hongseok is way worse off than you right now. I honestly can’t believe he’s such a lightweight sometimes…” Your tone is sympathetic, but all Hui feels is a slight smug happiness at there being someone else who was, at the very least, suffering more than he currently was. At least Hongseok hadn’t had the chance to do anything stupid with someone he liked last night, like Hui had. “Honestly, it’s sort of impressive.”

“Huh?” He’d stopped listening to you by pure accident, forces himself to refocus on you – which just causes his eyes to instantly lock on to your lips, face heating up because not only does he remember kissing them, he remembers what they felt like and tasted like and he has to fight to tear his gaze away. God he was so fucked.

“How many lightweights you have in your band. In a group of nine you’d think it’d be more even, but, like.. almost all of you can’t hold your liquor. It’s kind of impressive.” You’re back to focusing on whatever it is you’re cooking – he only just now notices you also have ramen boiling in their small stove to the side, the dull bubbling of the water having blended into background noise long before he’d realized it had been there.

“Are they okay?” He’s sure they are, but there’s some deeply ingrained part of him that feels required to check – the soft smile you give him in response makes him feel like he’s in high school again whenever his crush would focus on him and him alone, and he isn’t sure what to do with that feeling now that he’s twenty eight years old, so he looks down at his empty cup instead.

“They’ll be okay. Wooseokkie ended up in your room – I’m sure you noticed him.” You wait for him to glance at you and nod before continuing. “Hongseok and Changgu ended up in the same room together, which worked out well considering Changgu’s probably the only one who could sleep through Hongseok’s pitiful whining about his hangover anyway. Hyunggu and Yuto shared a room, I think – which I guess means Shinwon ended up alone. Any guess on whether he’ll be happy or upset about that?”

“It could be either.” He responds, mostly because it’s true (Shinwon’s moods were hard to predict sometimes) but partly because talking about his members was something he could easily do, something that felt familiar and normal. It felt safe and far away from the topic he didn’t want to think about. (But he was thinking about it anyway, could remember your warmth when your body was pressed against his, could remember the way you kissed him back bruisingly and made him want nothing more than for you to wreck him every day of his life.)

“Oh, right – Yanan’s in China, by the way, and Jinho’s in the military.”

“Thanks.” His response is a dry remark at the way you were trying to tease him – like he didn’t know where Yanan was and wasn’t constantly in contact with the soon-to-be actor, like he didn’t think about Jinho every single day and wonder if he was doing well. “What would I do without your incredibly timely information.”

You just roll your eyes at him and turn to the ramen – he wonders who you’re making it for before realizing it was probably for whoever woke up hungry. That realization makes a certain spot in his chest warm, and he tries to ignore it because for fuck’s sake, not now.

“I knew it was going to go badly..” He mutters to himself – you hum questioningly and he blinks, surprised you heard him and instantly trying to reach for a half-truth that you’d believe. “Drinking so much, I mean.” Not totally a lie, which meant he could say it and have it sound mostly believable. To his relief you seem to take it at face value.

A silence stretches out between the two of you – it seems comfortable for you, but he feels like his skin is crawling, waiting for the moment you spring the dreaded conversation on him. He can’t think of any more topics to bring up to stall it.

“Hwitaek.” The tone of your voice makes his heart drop into his stomach and freezes over any warmth he’d been feeling because he knows the conversation that is now seconds away from happening is going to be one he didn’t ever want to have. “I think we should talk about what happened last night.”

“What happened?” He tries to brush it off like he didn’t remember, but his voice wavers just a bit and he can’t meet your gaze and he knows that you don’t buy it for a second.

“We have to.” Your voice is soft, gentle, and he hates it because he feels like you’re trying to be as kind as possible, and that didn’t bode well for how the conversation was going to go. “Did you do what you did because you were drunk, or because you were drunk and wanted to?”

Your gaze has him pinned to the seat, his own eyes wide and brain trying to stutter through any excuse he could think of, and when that didn’t work, trying to think of some way he could play it all off as a joke, or as him just being an overly friendly drunk.

You won’t believe anything but the truth, he can tell, and he was a shit liar even when he wasn’t hungover and panicked.

“I –“ He doesn’t know what he’s going to say, probably something stupid like ‘I love you, and I don’t know when I knew that but I’ve always wanted to kiss you, I was drunk but it let me do what I always wanted to do’ but he’s saved by Hyunggu walking into the kitchen, rubbing at his eyes and looking a bit less like hell than Hui felt.

“I think I’m dying..” The maknae grumbles, and your attention shifts to him and getting him something to help his headache. Hui tries to feel relieved that the conversation had been dropped, but the look you send him once over Hyunggu’s shoulder says, ‘We’re not done talking about this’ and he feels sick all over again. He was so fucked.

.｡..｡.

It isn’t until he escapes to his studio later that day, having basically inhaled an entire cup of coffee to try to fight off both his hangover and his exhaustion, that he realizes that aside from all his personal problems with how the night before had went he had essentially pushed himself on you and then not allowed you an avenue to talk to him about it.

And that makes him feel even more sick, because there had been a chance you’d just wanted closure of some kind considering he had basically drunkenly assaulted you, and all he’d done was avoid the issue entirely when you tried to talk to him about it.

Fuck. Fuck, he was the worst.

He’d been so worried about rejection that he hadn’t even thought about the fact that you’d never consented to being kissed – or, fuck, being propositioned for sex – in the first place.

He runs both hands through his hair aggressively, ruffling it in the slightly painful way he usually did whenever he did something he wasn’t happy with – he feels anxiety sitting cold in his stomach, fear that not only would you hate him but that he’d ended up hurting you or breaking your trust in him all because he’d gotten stupidly drunk.

Pushing down the steadily rising nausea, he reaches for his phone and almost calls you, deciding at the last moment to text you a simple ‘You’re right, we need to talk’ instead. He’d already fucked up once, he didn’t want to force you into the conversation by calling you unexpectedly. As an afterthought he adds a quickly typed ‘I’m sorry I tried to avoid it before’, because despite how nervous the thought makes him, he is genuinely sorry. (Sorry for everything, in fact.)

He tries to busy himself with unfinished tracks while waiting for you to respond, listens to the same snippet of some demo Yuto had sent him six times without really ever hearing the notes, does his absolute best to ignore how one of the last times he was in here he’d ended up touching himself to the thought of you. With everything that had happened since he feels fucking disgusting at the thought of it.

When his phone vibrates he essentially lunges for it – it wasn’t like he’d been making progress on anything anyway – heart hammering in his throat as he opens your messages.

‘It’s okay. In person or by a call?’

He wants to fucking cry at how nice you’re being, at giving him the option to choose a less personal route – but he knows that you were the one who’d taken the brunt of the incident, that all he was really worried about was rejection and being embarrassed. His fingers tap out ‘I’m embarrassed, but it’s up to you’ before deleting the first part before sending. He didn’t want you to feel like he was trying to pressure you into one choice or the other at this point.

‘Knowing you, and seeing how you reacted this morning, I think you’d die if we did it in person lol I’ll call you’

He tries to fight the weak smile your text causes – you always make him smile, and this is no different, but he can’t tell if you’re genuinely okay or not through text and it worries him. You’d seemed fine this morning, almost painfully nonchalant – too nonchalant? He wasn’t sure if he was overthinking things now or not – but he’d been hungover and tired.

You don’t call right away, and he resigns himself to waiting out another five or so minutes in this sickening state of anxiety, selecting and re-selecting the exact same clip of audio over and over just so he can pretend he’s doing something, so he can try to occupy his brain.

When his phone does ring he slams his knee into the table in surprise, high-strung and nervous. He barely even feels the tingling pain.

“I’m so sorry.” He blurts out the instant he answers, muttering a soft fuck under his breath afterwards. He’d wanted to give you time to speak, but he was buzzing with an anxious and guilty energy that had him speaking before he even realized he was.

“What?” Your question sounds more surprised than legitimately confused, like you hadn’t expected him to just start talking immediately. He rakes a hand through his hair again and then keeps it there, fisted, trying to ground himself with the tiny bit of pain as his breathing speeds up.

“About last night – I’m so sorry, I just – I was drunk, and that’s no excuse for what I did, I wasn’t thinking and I’m so fucking sorry. Are – are you okay? Am I allowed to ask that?” He feels like he’s right on the verge of panicking and he hates it, because you were the victim here, not him.

“I –“ You only pause to collect your thoughts for a heartbeat, but he feels the moment stretch on endlessly, sees ninety different scenarios play out and discards every positive one immediately. “Hui, you’re – god you’re so sweet.”

“What?” It’s more of an exhale than a word, because you didn’t sound angry, or hurt, you just sounded slightly amused and grateful, and he doesn’t want to get his hopes up but you didn’t sound upset.

“You’re right, what you did was wrong and shitty, and you suck for doing it.” You pause to breathe, and it reminds him he needs to breathe, his gaze darting along one of his computer monitors without really seeing anything. “But it’s sweet of you to apologize. You should, but most people wouldn’t.”

“I should have this morning.” He murmurs quietly, fingers gripping his phone so tightly they’ve begun to ache. “I was selfish and didn’t even think about it. I really am so fucking sorry.”

“I know, Hui. I believe you. You suck at lying anyway, if you weren’t sorry then I’d be able to tell.” You’re laughing again, and he tries to join you, but it sounds weak. His entire body feels like it’s melted into nothing – he didn’t even care if you rejected him at this point, you didn’t hate him and that was good enough. “But I kissed you back, Hui. Multiple times, actually.”

“…..what?” He can’t think of anything else to say – he had remembered you kissing him back, of course he did, but it all sort of blurred together at one point and he wasn’t sure that any of it had definitively happened. “I – I know – I mean, I thought you did, but you could have just, I don’t know, been trying.. to.. get me to go away by not resisting..?” Some drunks became irate when told ‘no’, and while he knew he wasn’t one of them – and he had a feeling you did too – that didn’t mean you hadn’t just been trying to protect yourself.

“God you’re sweet.” Your sudden, repeated statement is quiet, almost like you hadn’t meant him to hear it – he doesn’t say anything, doing his best to just breathe, doing his best to act his fucking age and not like some kid who needed instant reassurance. You were the one who deserved reassurance in this situation. “I kissed you because I wanted to, Hui. It’s very kind of you to be so concerned, but you’re about the least threatening drunk I’ve ever encountered. I could have probably pushed you off me with one hand – actually, I did push you off me with one hand, when we were in the kitchen.”

“I – you – you wanted to.” It’s a statement because he’s stuck trying to process this new information, because this wasn’t a rejection (he thinks it’s not, at least), because you didn’t hate him, because the way all the anxiety induced adrenaline had leeched out of his body was leaving him feeling even more exhausted than before.

“I actually wanted to tell you that I was sorry – since I kissed you back and all, but you were drunk so it wasn’t really like you were –“

“I wanted to – I wanted you to.” He says the words too fast, trips over them, but he knows you understood by the way you went silent on the other end. He appreciated the apology, really, he did, but not only did he not think it was needed, he also couldn’t stand listening to you apologize for kissing him back when he had been dreaming about this moment for way too fucking long.

And he wants to tell you that, but you’re still silent and he’s beginning to wonder if he somehow read this entire situation wrong.

“..I don’t know what to say now.” You admit softly, and he lets out a silent exhale when he realizes you’re just being shy. He wasn’t used to that side of you, but already he knew he found it adorable, just like the rest of you.

“You can’t be more embarrassed than me, if you are then neither of us will be able to talk.” He’s laughing quietly now, feeling.. not quite comfortable yet, but definitely on the way there. You hadn’t really made any declaration of love for him, but you had reciprocated his kiss, at the very least.

“Oh, you need me to be confident?” There’s a teasing tone in your voice that is more commonplace than the shy one from before, and he already knew just by the sound of it that whatever you’re going to say next is going to affect him in some way.

“It’d be helpful.”

“Then I’d say we need to try that whole kissing thing again, but without the alcohol. It really ruined the experience last time, don’t you think?” He suddenly can’t breathe again, mouth opening and then closing at your statement – not that you care about his lack of a response, since you continue without him saying anything. “It could have led to so many fun places if you hadn’t been drunk.” A pause, where his heartbeat pounds in his head and his mouth has gone dry. When you speak again he can tell you’re doing your best to keep up your confident façade. “..Is that okay with you?”

“Yes.” He says this on a relieved breath, face still hot but body covered in excited, adrenaline filled tingles. You were really putting him through an emotional workout this morning, but at this point he wouldn’t dare complain. “Please. I’ve wanted –“

He cuts himself off before he can say anything more embarrassing, about how long he’s wanted to do something like that, to hear you say something like that, how he’s fantasized and day-dreamed about it for way too long. He flushes even more when he can hear your gentle laughter on the other line.

“You mentioned something like that last night. I wanted to ask about it actually –“

“Oh, wow, I am super busy right now doing leader things, just.. so busy. I couldn’t possibly talk to you anymore, I’m just so extremely busy.”

“Jerk.” This time when you laugh he laughs with you, a real laugh instead of the weak one he’d offered you earlier. “Okay, fine, go do your suddenly important work – but I’m definitely interrogating you about that later, it’s just too interesting to pass up. Bye Hwitaek.”

“Bye.”

It’s so like you to cut the conversation short whenever he mentioned his work – you never wanted to genuinely distract him, and it was one of the things he liked about you.

Loved about you.

Fuck. Fuck.

He can’t contain his laugh of disbelief and giddiness, setting his phone down on his desk so he can cover his face with both of his hands, running them through his hair and pushing it back away from his eyes.

You said you’d wanted to kiss him. You had kissed him. He hadn’t imagined it.

You’d said you wanted to kiss him again.

His phone vibrates and he lowers his hands to glance at it, sees it’s a text from you, and already he can feel that warm, lightweight feeling in his chest just at the sight of it.

God, he was so fucked – but with how this had turned out, he really couldn’t complain at all, nor did he want to.

.｡..｡.

Trying the ‘kissing thing’ again, as you had put it to him on the phone, turned out to be a nebulous concept – not that Hui really expected anything else, but it was a bit disappointing to finally get an answer (a positive one at that) only to be unable to meet up with you again. Not that getting to text you often wasn’t wonderful – it was, and he felt the need to make that abundantly clear (though he was pretty sure you knew that, considering he actually paid attention to his phone now just so he could respond to you) – it was just a bit frustrating to finally have permission to do the things he’d been dreaming about, like kissing you, and then be barred from doing it by forces outside of his control.

As it was, it was nearing the end of the second week since the ’confession’ had happened, and he was only just now finding time to head over to your place after working all day. It was late (nearing four am, he noticed with a groan) and his muscles ached from practice and his eyes ached from composing all day but he would be damned if he’d let another chance to spend time with you slip by him without leaping for it.

“You look so attractive.” It’s the first thing out of your mouth when you see him at your door – Hui laughs the soft sort of laugh he does when he’s a bit nervous, bending to unlace his shoes. It’s not rare of you to compliment him – in fact, you usually did, because it was true and he deserved all the kind words you could heap on him – but something about the circumstances makes it feel different this time, charges the air with a sort of excited, nervous tension.

“Really? I came over right after practice, I can’t look that good..” He trails off, shy, and you look him over again. It’s true that he looks a bit tired and run down, but the dim low lighting of your entryway paints his skin golden and throws his profile into a mix of soft shadows and gentle lines, illuminates his silver hair into a gradient of golden blonde to dusky gray.

“You look good, trust me.” It’s all you can say – everything else gets stuck in your head, muddling itself before it can get to your tongue. You hope to one day be able to properly put into words just how beautiful he is to you, but you’re in no rush to do it now, you have time. “Are you sure you’re going to be okay tomorrow?”

“If I passed up on this chance then I might legitimately die.” He says it so seriously that you laugh, and the way his expression smooths out into a warm smile has your heart beating erratically. God, he didn’t play fair at all.

“Well, if you’re sure..” You take the chance to step closer to him during the slight lull in conversation – he blinks at you once, still smiling, but the smile freezes on his face when you nonchalantly place your arms around his neck. You can feel the way he’s tensed at the new, intimate position, and it’s absolutely adorable how he clearly wants to reciprocate in some way but resolutely keeps his arms at his sides. “You –“

“Can I kiss you?” He says it all in one breath, interrupting you, rushed and embarrassed but also like he craves it, like he might die if he didn’t get your permission to do so. It’s the cutest thing in the world and a surge of heat floods your bloodstream at the tone of his voice, the look in his eyes. “Please.” He tacks it on at the end, a quiet whisper, so fucking good and sweet and perfect.

“Of course, baby.” The words are barely out of your mouth before he’s surging forward to connect your lips, his hands landing on your waist and a soft sound of pleasure escaping him as a sigh. The pet-name of ‘baby’ is one you learned that he liked recently, and while it had been deliciously fun to tease him with it through text and over the phone it was something else entirely to see the way he responded to it in person, the rich sunset color of his eyes softening into something more gentle and pliant.

The way Hui kisses now is slightly different than when he’d been drunk – it’s more assured, more precise, and while it still holds that level of desperation from before there’s something a bit less rushed about it, something more confident and not as nervous as before.

There's something infinitely better about doing it this way, Hui thinks, better than anything he'd fantasized about or hazily remembered from when he'd been drunk. Every single one of his senses is attuned to you and you alone, and nothing exists outside of the two of you kissing, the weight of your arms on his shoulders, the feeling of your nails lightly scraping at the nape of his neck, the rough feeling of your clothing beneath the pads of his fingers at your hips. Your lips press and slide against his constantly before parting for a few brief seconds, and he chases the faint swipe of your tongue against his bottom lip with his own, whining when you don't instantly give in to his demands.

By the time you nip at his lip he's completely given up on leading the kiss, opens his mouth and moans high and sweet when your tongue leaves a blazing trail of pure fire in its wake. His lips are kiss-bruised and tingling, the sensation imprinting on him that this was real, you were really kissing him, he wasn't going to suddenly wake up and realize it was all a dream.

When you pull away from him he follows you for a moment, stopping only when you cup his cheek in one hand and slide your thumb across his bottom lip. His gaze is glazed and he looks so thoroughly wrecked from simply getting kissed that you feel another surge of heat flood your system.

"Good?" Your whispered question barely makes it through to him, but when it does he blinks a few times to force the haze from his mind and nods, grip on your waist tightening, grounding him. You’ve never seen someone look more adorable.

“Yeah.” His voice is slightly hoarse and you give in to the urge to kiss his throat tenderly – when he tilts his head back with a sigh you trail your lips up to his jaw. “Yeah, it’s – great.”

You can feel the heat of his skin against your face, leave open-mouthed kisses from the spot under his ear (which makes him shiver in a way that you immediately catalogue in your mind) in a line down to the collar of the light-weight hoodie he’d worn for practice.

“I wish I could mark you up here..” Your lamentations are met with a literal fucking whine from Hui, one of his hands coming up to grip unsteadily at the crook of your arm like the mere comment had made him unsteady. “Oh? Is that something you’d want? For me to bruise you up so prettily that there’d be no way you could cover it?”

He nods, not trusting his own voice, head full of fantasies where you could do that, where you’d be able to sink your teeth into him, suck dark marks into his skin that wouldn’t fade and that his members would tease him about. (But even in his fantasies his members are there, a constant, and he knows that there’s no other timeline better than the one he’s currently living in.)

“Hwitaek.” You say his name softly, wrap a hand around the back of his neck to make him look at you – his gaze is disconnected, lingers on your lips before your silence registers as he meets your eyes. “I think we should talk about what we both want out of tonight.”

“Yeah – okay, okay.” Fondly, you watch as he takes a small step back and forces himself to become more present, a bit of clarity re-entering his eyes. You notice that he hadn’t stepped far enough away that either of you had to stop touching one another though, and it makes a part of your heart warm with affection. “That’s probably a good idea.”

He lets you lead him further into your house, glances around in interest but doesn’t stop you – he thinks (hopes) he’ll have more time later to become acquainted with this place.

“So, Hui –“ He perks up at you speaking to him, and it’s so cute that you have to stop just to recollect your thoughts. He peers around your room with thinly veiled interest but keeps glancing back at you like you’re the most interesting thing in existence. It’s flattering and adorable. “Considering we’ve talked about it before you know that I prefer to be more dominant, and you –“

“Find it incredibly hot?” He finishes your sentence for you, a happy little smirk on his face at your surprised expression as he darts in to kiss you once, quick and chaste and filled with delight.

“I – I was going to say, ‘you’re okay with it’, but what you said was so much better.” You’re smiling now too, still a bit shell-shocked – really, what sort of luck did you have for an incredibly attractive and sweet guy to also be down for being submissive for you? – but definitely not complaining. You cup his face in your hands and draw him towards you again for a sweet kiss – it lingers just on the side of ‘too passionate’, but neither one of you have enough self-control to reign it back in. You can feel his flush underneath your fingertips. “How did I ever get this lucky?”

“Should I say the cliché thing about thinking the same thing?” His voice is soft, one of his hands coming up to slip underneath your own, fingers curling around your palm. “Because I was.”

“You really are a hopeless romantic sometimes, you know that?” You couple your rhetorical question with another kiss – you were one hundred percent addicted to them now, you knew that for a fact. “We should really talk about what you’re comfortable with happening tonight, Hui.”

He must not be thinking clearly (he’s not, all he can think about is you and how you keep kissing him and how it’s all he’s ever wanted in his entire life) because he says “anything” in a strained whisper, breathless and needy before anything has even happened.

“Anything?” You can’t hide the surprise in your voice, though you try to soften it at the last second – he flinches anyway, like he was embarrassed with how eager he had come across, his gaze somewhere at your hip now. “’Anything’ is a dangerous thing to say, Hwitaek. What if all I wanted to do was finger-fuck you?”

He knows you were joking – he can hear it in your voice, the way you’ve tried to lighten the mood to make him more comfortable. He appreciates it, but it does absolutely nothing for him considering the effect your words had on him. “…I wouldn’t mind that.”

“Really?” Again you’re surprised, but this time you seem slightly eager – he raises his gaze to assess the situation, and yes, you did look interested. The excited, nervous little fire burning in his core feels a bit stronger suddenly. All he can do is nod, mute in the face of your presence, your power, your effortless aura that has him sinking down gratefully onto your bed at the slightest push of your hand against his chest.

Your fingers press at him, hard, and he feels breathless when they slide underneath his hoodie and t-shirt both in one go, hitch it up to above his navel. He thinks about all the marks you could leave on him there, hidden under clothing between promotions, and the sly grin you share with him when your fingernails rake a teasingly shuddering line down his side makes him think you have the exact same ideas he does.

Those two articles of clothing are lost quickly, dropped somewhere over the side of your bed as you kneel between his legs and kiss him until he can’t breathe, a wonderful feeling that has him drifting along in hazy bliss until he realizes what you’re doing.

“You’re a bit more dressed than I am, suddenly..” He tries to make it teasing but it comes out as something soft and reverent, and your lips when they smile at him are a slash of color that he can’t tear his eyes away from. He can feel your curious fingers dipping under the waistband of his athletic joggers and he does his best not to lose his fucking mind at the connotations of it.

“That’ll come. Later. Let me focus on you first, Hwitaek.” And how could he even argue with that? Why would he argue that? He’d have time to see your body later – and to be completely honest, he was perfectly happy with seeing however much of you that you were comfortable showing him.

(Still, he thinks, as you gently push him to lie down on your bed, he hoped you weren’t too uncomfortable with showing your body. As you drag the fabric of his briefs slowly down his legs he thinks about how much he really wants to eat you out, and what a shame it’d be if you weren’t comfortable with that. Regardless, he’d find some way to pay his respects to you and your body, even if his regular go-to’s turned out to not be an option.)

“You’ve done this before?” He doesn’t sound nervous, just questioning, having slung a forearm across his eyes. You let him leave it there for now, knowing he must feel a bit vulnerable in his current position.

“Mhm, I have – and you?” It’s almost laughable how casually the two of you are speaking, like you hadn’t just been feeling him up and wasn’t currently in the middle of warming lube on your fingers. When he nods you hum and use your clean hand to grip him under the knee, pulling it up high enough you can place a kiss on the inside of it. An amused laugh leaves him in the form of a surprised exhale at the surprisingly tender action.

“I have – don’t worry, I’m not new to all of this.” You can’t see his eyes but you can see the rest of his face, see that he’s still smiling – you keep a close eye on his expression as you circle his rim teasingly, watching with rapt attention the way the smile disappears as he tenses with a soft sound that’s not quite a gasp before forcing himself to relax again.

“With women or men?” You keep it casual, careful to keep your voice unaffected, and he laughs again but it’s more disbelieving this time, pulls his legs up so his knees bracket you on either side.

“Yes.” Hui simply answers, and it’s your turn to laugh, your free hand smoothing soothing circles into his bare hip. You think he looks absolutely beautiful like this, spread out just for you and you alone, a small notch in his brow from the way his expression has twisted as you carefully slip your first finger in.

“You’re really cute like this, all vulnerable and naked for me.” You’re teasing him, testing the waters – from the way he flushes though, the little hitch upwards that his hips make, you think you might have just discovered something fun. “Hui, do you like me talking to you like that?”

He doesn’t answer you right away, moves his arm so he can look down at you between his legs. Something about it must get to him, because he just looks at you for a moment or two, like he was trying to imprint the visual in his mind.

“You can add another.” He says instead, all breathy and soft like you’d already ruined him, wrecked him into pieces. It’s incredibly endearing, you think, dropping your gaze to where his cock sits red and shiny and untouched against his lower stomach, a small mess of pre-cum already smeared onto his skin. That was also endearing.

“I’ve barely even stretched you yet..” Your disbelieving murmur is clearly heard by him, and you raise your gaze to meet his as you test the waters with a second finger. It’s definitely tight (tighter than you would have preferred, if only for his own safety), but Hui just moans and shifts his hips more towards you, digging into your pillow as he tips his head back. “Oh – Hui the size queen, huh? Is that it?”

He laughs, but it tapers off into a sound closer to a moan than anything else. “I don’t think I’ve ever been called that before.”

“Does it suit you?” You keep one hand splayed flat on one of his hips – he’s doing a wonderful job at not moving overly much, but by doing this you can feel every small tremor that goes through his body, can feel his muscles tense each time he forces himself to stay still. “If I end up fucking you one day am I going to have to make sure it’s sized big enough to totally wreck you?” Your question is coupled with an inquisitive upwards quirk of your fingers, and he nearly kicks you in surprise at the liquid arousal that floods through his body at the feeling. (You teasingly bite at his lower calf for it, and the soft sound he makes as you press your teeth into him is definitely something you file away for later.)

“I know you’re just teasing me, but -“ He licks his lips, tries to gather his focus again as you add a third finger. It burns in such an exquisite way that it’s hard to concentrate on anything else except for the current points of contact between you and him.

“Do you want me to stop?” A pause. “Hui, look at me.”

He obeys, meets your analyzing gaze and offers a slightly strained smile as he thinks about your question – though he doesn’t think for very long, a burst of wonderful, embarrassed heat curling across his chest and through his stomach when he lets his upper body drop back down to the bed, shaking his head ‘no’.

“Oh, Hwitaek..” You sound vaguely pitying, and he hates it, but he loves it. “You’re just a little boy who likes to be teased and humiliated, is that it?”

He feels so small with you talking to him like that, like his body was three sizes too big for his skin and he was burning up from the inside out – whenever the heat becomes too much all he has to do is open his eyes and see you looking at him (you’re always looking at him, and it takes his breath away because the way you watch him makes him feel like he’s something special, something that should be treasured) and suddenly everything was okay again. It was like you were the one stoking the flames of his desire, but you could also cause that blistering heat to ebb away whenever it became too much.

He realizes he hasn’t answered you yet and frantically nods, heart threatening to dissolve into something sticky and sweet at the way your expression softens.

“Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but we’re not going to delve too deep into that tonight without talking about it in more detail later.” He nods, because he really does understand (despite the slight burst of disappointment) and he appreciates that you want to talk out what his limits are first. “Besides, how am I supposed to talk to you like that when you’ve been so good for me this entire time? So pretty and vocal.”

He can’t help the whine that tears itself from his throat at your phrasing – it didn’t matter what you were saying to him anymore, every single word embedded itself into his skin and worked its way through his body like an electric shock.

“Oh? Sweet boy - are you an adorable whore for both degradation and praise?” He doesn’t even bother saying anything this time, just shuts his eyes tight - he knows you already know the answer, can read him so well it’s almost like his desires were written out on his skin in black ink. “That’s so cute. You’re just so responsive to everything, aren’t you? I love that - anything I say or do I’ll get a direct response to, won’t I, Hwitaek?” You wait until he nods, his eyes still shut, before taking the opportunity given to you. Your lips press a teasing kiss into the line of his pelvis, giggling softly against his skin when he gasps above you. “Yeah, just like that. So beautiful, Hui, and all for me.”

Yes, all for you he thinks, and even his thoughts are getting mixed up and hazy now because you’ve wrapped your fingers around him loosely and he is so slick already, the feeling of your thumb swiping across the head of his cock, tracing the lines of precum down the shaft to where they’ve collected on his skin causing his entire body to twitch in a mess of stimulation.

“Oh, baby, you’re so wet for me already.” He can’t focus on anything, can’t think of anything, hears your voice through the haze like it’s faraway and he’s drifting underwater. He tries to force himself to be more present, tries to physically drag himself out of those depths, but you’re cooing at him sweetly and running your fingers over his cock softly, and any amount of shame he might have felt at having fallen so far into this headspace is eradicated by the sugar-laced kisses you press into his side.

“You really can’t keep quiet, can you?” Your voice is sweet but laced with amusement, and you can feel the way he throbs in your hand at the slightly degrading comment. “You sound like you’re going to cum just from three of my fingers – are you, baby? You going to make a mess of yourself before we even get to do anything?”

“Fuck..” Hui’s entire body feels like it’s on fucking fire, and when you duck your head to suck a bruise onto the inside of his thigh it’s all he can do to keep from crying out even louder. You were right, he couldn’t keep quiet, his head swimming and his fingers curled so tightly into your sheets that he could barely feel them anymore. “I’m – you’re –“ He can’t concentrate, can barely speak, and he knows his words come out more as whines anyway.

“Do you think it’ll be okay if you cum now?” You’ve stopped moving entirely and his whole body feels like it’s buzzing, his hips trying to rock back onto your fingers or up into your hand with no real success as the haze slowly recedes from his mind enough for him to be able to form full sentences

“Y-yeah.” He pushes himself up onto his forearms to be able to look down at you, groan catching in his throat when he sees the way you’re peering at him openly, watching him with beautiful eyes and a graceful flush on your face, one of your hands slick with his pre-cum and the other still wickedly deep. He’d never been more sure of the fact that he loved you than this exact moment. “If – if you give me a little bit afterwards, it’ll be fine.” He knows he sounds breathless and wrecked already, but you smile so sweetly at him anyway, like he was something precious to you, and he feels like the ground and the bed he was lying on had just suddenly disappeared at the sight.

And then you’re lowering your head and wrapping your lips around him and it’s all he can do to keep his eyes open – you hadn’t eased him into it, hadn’t given him any indication of your plans at all. One moment you were asking him about his refractory period and the next you were doing things with your tongue and mouth that he couldn’t even begin to fathom, your fingers once again brushing against that spot deep inside of him that has him keening.

He’s not going to last much longer; he knows that with a sudden certainty that has him trying to warn you but is more disjointed pleas for you to not stop than they are anything else.

One of his hands grasps for your shoulder blindly when he hits his peak, fingers curling into your skin as he spills himself onto your tongue. It’s blindingly hot and you can see the way he fights to keep his eyes open to watch, brow furrowed and mouth open almost like he was in some sort of pained ecstasy as you continue to finger-fuck him through it until he’s trembling.

When you stick your tongue out at him tauntingly and show him the mess he made Hui groans from deep within his chest like you’re torturing him, sits up abruptly and crashes his mouth into yours. It’s messy and dirty and he licks into your mouth aggressively, chasing all essence of himself off your tongue and onto his own with a moan that rattles your bones. You do your best to withdraw your fingers as gently as possible but he whimpers at the feeling anyway, drops his head to begin kissing a sloppy trail from your jaw down to your neck.

“You’re so dirty..” Your head is spinning and you feel short of breath - each time you inhale his chest knocks against yours as he heaves his own breaths, though he refuses to pull away from your skin for long enough for him to be able to recover as quickly. You think you feel him murmur a soft sound of agreement to your statement against your collarbone.

As soon as you can wrest a big enough part of yourself back under control you lean back, holding him securely away with your thumb and forefinger gripping his chin. Hui looks at you with an expression of wrecked reverence, the perfect picture of debauchery, and you know that right here, right now, at five something am in your bedroom, he would do literally anything you asked – that at this point in time it was no longer your room, with the window showing glimpses of the outside world, the sounds of cars going past. This place, this moment in time, it was now something disconnected and intangible, where he had given you explicit trust (perhaps foolishly, considering how inchoate your relationship was) to control and lead him. To take care of him in whatever way you see fit.

And you know that right here, right now, in this nebulous place that the two of you occupied, you would strive to make sure he never regretted giving you that permission.

“Hwitaek.” Your voice is breathier than you expected – you sounded like you’d been kissed hard. You sounded like you were in love. “Hwitaek, you are messy and crude – you are such a dirty boy, and you’ve hidden that from me for years.” He is hanging off your every word and you suddenly feel like you have a choice to make.

It’s one you don’t think about for more than a second, because you realize that you don’t need to.

“And, Hwitaek – you are so perfect for me.”

.｡..｡. .｡..｡.

“You know something?” Hui says it casually, out of nowhere, hand still rubbing nonsense patterns into the skin of your lower back after having crept underneath your shirt some twenty minutes ago just for the skin to skin contact. He’s not focused on anything else but relaxing in his bed at the dorm with you, thoughts about producing and writing lyrics and being a leader far from his mind.

“Hmm?” Your head rests on his chest, listening to his heartbeat – it’s a comforting sound, if not slightly faster than average, and when you close your eyes you can hear it mix with the soft (and sometimes not so soft) sound of some of his boys arguing or laughing or just living somewhere else in the dorm, outside his shut door.

He still hasn’t spoken so you lift your head and gaze at him, admire his features as he looks back at you with an expression so tender you’re almost afraid to have the weight of it on you. His hair is back to brown now, cut a bit shorter than before, and you stretch an arm out to run your fingers through it lazily, watch as he leans into it but keeps looking at you.

“I think you’re perfect for me, too.” His voice is warm, probably what sunshine would sound like if it was an auditory thing, and you blink at him in confusion for a few moments before you understand what he’s referencing, press your smile into his until it turns into a gentle, surging kiss.

It’s not quite an I love you, something adjacent to it, almost there but not exactly.

And neither of you say those words yet, just smile and look at each other and press kiss after sugared kiss into each other’s skin, interlace your fingers and marvel at the way affection seems to blossom for one another in both your ribcages at the simplest of actions.

The two of you weren’t in any rush. You had time.

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