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wuffgang-ameowdeus-moozart · 10 months

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Aren't you tired of forced romances with no chemistry that only take away from the actually interesting plot? Don't you just want media where romance isn't portrayed as being superior and more important than (queer)platonic relationships?

Well, my exhausted aro ass is too, so here are a few tricks and wisdoms I've gathered over my years of being a-spec (which is all of them) on how to avoid romance (in media) in a very allonormative society 💚🤍🩶🖤

(this is a rec list btw. no I am not shitting on the shows that I tagged, quite the opposite)

1. Middle Grade

I get if you aren't really into that, because it is kind of annoying to be pointed to literal children's literature when all you want is a story that isn't constantly being interrupted by describing the main guy's heated eyes for the twentieth time.

However.

It is true that in middle grade, friendship is always more important than romance. Because, let's face it. Making two eleven year old characters kiss is kinda weird. So even if there is a romance, it isn't very prominent and treated more like friendship and/or a puppy crush. Plus some stories get surprisingly dark?!?!

Examples

- Howl's Moving Castle (Diana Wynne Jones), technically a romance in the end, but mostly focused on found family, shenanigans, and finding your own value

- House of Many Ways (DWJ). Yes, again. I really like her books okay? They always have something so fantastical and whimsical about them. This is my other favorite book by her and it has literally no romance at all. Plus a hmc cameo that is so fun !!

- Coraline (Neil Gaiman). Maybe this is cheating because I never actually read it. However. a) the movie traumatized me. b) Wybie was added to the movie, he doesn't exist in the book, so if "power of friendship" isn't your thing this will be great. Probably vibes over plot.

Flyte (Angie Sage). Technically this is the second book, but I never read the first one and still understood everything. Once again, no romance at all. A fun read, which can get surprisingly dark at times.

2. Short Story Collections

Once again, I get it if it isn't your thing. Short stories are - as the name reveals - short. Which means: no worldbuilding, very limited narrator, open ending, no time to really get attached to characters, etc.

But.

The cool thing about collections, is that they always have a certain theme. And as long as the theme is not romance, romance will not be the focus. Even if there is a romantic relationship, it will be used to explore this theme since there simply isn't time for anything else.

Examples:

Life Ceremony (Sayaka Murata) This is the book that actually made me figure out: hey! I do actually like short stories !! The main theme is basically about being different and it plays a lot with body horror and the perception of your own body in contrast with how society sees it. There is even a story about two women who platonically live together and raised multiple children!

Canterbury Classics: Classic Tales of Horror (introduction by Ernest Hilbert). As the name suggests, this is a collection of horror short stories, featuring well-known authors such as Bram Stoker, Edgar Allan Poe or Charlotte Perkins Gilman. As these are classic old tales, the language is a bit complicated at times and you can read them for free on Gutenberg. However, the book is very very pretty and the introduction is very interesting (Origins of the genre, specific tropes and monsters, etc.)

3. Podcasts

PODCASTS!!! If you follow me, you are probably already aware of those. However, in case you don't, let me introduce you to the wonderful world of Audiodramas.

The cool thing about Podcasts is that pretty much anyone can do it. All you need is an idea, a mic, a lot of motivation, and you're pretty much set to go. No producers or publishers you need to get approval from. So it is only natural that this medium is filled to the brim with queer creators. Basically every character is somewhat queer. It's awesome.

Examples:

- The Silt Verses. I adore TSV. I listened to the first season like, four times. (the second one is good too but OH MY GOD THE FIRST ONE). And one of the main characters is canonically and explicitly aro!! Sister Carpenter, I love you with my whole being. And the great thing is, it is very clear that the writers love her, too!! There is a lot (like a LOT) of body horror so it isn't for everybody. But if you think you can handle it I really recommend it. (Plus, not any romance plotlines at all !!)

- Wolf 359. This is one of the older ones and it is really good. It's a bunch of restless and very unwell people stuck in a spaceship under the unforgiving rule of capitalism. However bad you imagine it, I can assure you it is worse. But the really cool thing is that there literally isn't any romance at all. Like, there are great m/f friendships but they never even hint towards a romance. Some people are so unused to that that they literally ship the main dude with the fucking robot AI. (don't worry, not an actual romance plot).

- Girl in space. I am sure you will be absolutely shook to know that this one also takes place in space. It is about a girl. In space. Shocking, I know. Except that she has been on her own for well over a year when suddenly a fleet of strange ships arrive and kidnap her. There is also a very asshole-y robot. And questions about what makes us human. And found family!! And a goat. And cheese. Just go listen to it okay. This is also one of the shortest ones of the list, so maybe a good start.

- Malevolent. I have to confess that I personally am not a huge fan of this one? Like the premise is really cool - a detective who wakes up blind and with a demon in his head who can see through the detectives eyes. What the fuck?, you may ask yourself. So does Arthur Lester. Mysteries and other dimensions and a whole lot of pain ensues. Harlan is undeniably an awesome VA and a great writer, but his stories just seem a bit too repetitive to me? Nonetheless I know of lots of people who enjoy it a lot. Trying to define the relationship between Arthur and John (his demon) is perhaps the biggest mystery of them all. (Jk. there are multiple murders and stuff. they've really got other priorities)

- Middle:Below. This is another short one and probably the least famous of this list? It's about this funky lil dude with a ghost roommate and a cat who can talk (.....or can it?). There is a m/f friendship but it never turns into a romance (wow it is possible!!). They all go on adventures on the dimension between life and death. Despite the description, this is literally just a comedy. A bit spooky at best. Reminds me a bit of scarier kids cartoons like gravity falls.

4. "Gay" movies/series in countries with homophobic censorship

Now you may think, "hey that seems like a bit of an asshole move!". And you would be 100% correct in thinking that.

However.

It does also mean that the main relationship of the story can never be explicitly romantic. They can allude to it, they can try to show it. But they can never confirm. So it is very easy to interpret them as having a QPR. (because tbh I don't think I've ever seen one on television.)

Examples:

The Untamed. Look. I am aware that the first episode is so fucking atrocious, all right? And no, the CGI does in fact never get better. And sometimes the translated subtitles are a bit awkward. But I swear that it is so good. Trust me on this one, okay? Just make it through the first ep. It's a wild ride. Lan Zhan I love you. (However the book it is based on (written by a woman) depicts them being in an explicitly romantic relationship, with lots of very inaccurate and badly researched smut, so the fandom pretty much sees them as exclusively romantic.)

- Word of Honor. Very much in the same vein as The Untamed. Except that the first episode is less horrible. And the one dude has a very fruity fan. And they also raise a kid together. And the costumes of the villains are really fun!! I actually never finished this one tbh. I know that the book it is based on has one very extremely terrible ableist plot point, but I don't know if that made it into the show since I never got that far

The Devil Judge. The last two were fantasy, this one is a dystopia. Very tense and interesting. There is a romantic subplot (typical childhood friend vs bad boy love triangle), but he rejects the childhood friend and they can't exactly show him and the "bad boy" (who is actually a judge. and also kinda his sugar daddy) as explicitly romantic for the reason above. They also live in the same house and cook together and take care of a child together. Can totally recommend.

Assassination Classroom. A bunch of students have to kill their teacher who is an alien. that's literally the plot. I cried so hard at the finale. Nagisa and Karma have MASSIVE vibes and you can't convince me otherwise. (There is a romantic subplot that does end in a kiss, but they agree to continue as friends since those were..... extenuating circumstances. The dude very clearly is not into her). Nagisa also very aro-spec coded imo.

5. "Straightbaiting" Anime

Sometimes Anime does this thing (which I personally find very hilarious) where a boy and a girl will have no other romantic involvements or love interests while growing closer and closer, but never get together. A bit like reverse queerbaiting.

Examples:

- Fairy Tail. The ultimate power is friendship anime. That is all you need to know. (I should also perhaps warn you that the end of the last arc (and the sequel series, but we don't talk about that) are huge letdowns. Like the buildup? So good. But....welp. If that doesn't bother you too much and the idea to have a group of people be the main character instead of one person only, this may be the series for you. Just do yourself a favor and skip all the filler arcs

Soul Eater. I really love the vibes of this one. Once again, most of the fandom likes depicting them as explicitly romantic, but they never canonically are. It also reminds me a bit of creepy children cartoons. It is also where the superior fictional school exists, Devon. Frankenstein teaches there (the dude, not the monster). People transform into badass weapons. Nobody can convince me that Make Albarn is not a trans woman. However the ending deviates a bit from the manga, and I personally think the anime one is a bit worse

Noragami. This one will always hold a special place in my heart because it was the first anime I really watched. This one also has people who transform into weapons, but the vibes are very different. It goes a bit more into Japanese folklore in case that interests you.

Bonus: Canonically Aro/Heavily Aro-Coded Characters

They were not anywhere above because the stories they are in didn't really fit any of the categories. But they exist!

Wolf (Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts). I adore Wolf. There is also barely any romance. Like, it will seem like it at first, but don't worry, it's only straightbaiting. There is a romance subplot but it's very brief and very much in the background. Overall very good aro show 👍

Isaac (Heartstopper) Very queer show, very high likelihood that you already know of it. The series per se is very romance focused, but as far as I've heard the a-spec rep in S2 is really good

Georgia (Loveless). Actually never read it. But, well. Title pretty self-explanatory dare I say. By the same author as Heartstopper (Alice Oseman)

Chance/Chris and Shadow/Ryan (woe.begone) Are explicitly in a QPR together !! they are also probably the healthiest couple in the podcast lol

Henry Clerval (Frankenstein). Henry is the "a couple of besties!!" to Victor's "we look like a couple <3"

Barbie (Barbie 2023) If you've seen it you know what I mean.

Jo Marsh (Little Women). I never read the book, but Jo in the 2019 movie??? very sus.

I would also recommend checking out Japanese books! I personally think they are much better at writing romance than the western people lol. It's more about knowing each other and sharing your views of the world, thus changing each other and leaving a mark forever, even if the relationship ends. (studio ghibli romance vibes). My favorite Japanese book doesn't have an English translation :(

aber an alle Deutsch-Sprecher*innen: Die Katzen von Shinjuku (Durian Sukegawa) -> og title: Shinjuku no Neko

Can't think of anything else right now, but please leave some of your own recommendations! Hope this helps ^^

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little-mouse-adventures · 1 year

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A Timeline of Events in the Artemis Fowl Series

If anyone's interested, I did do an actual analysis for where I pulled some of these dates from. But because I cannot type succinctly to save my life, it's 5,000 words long, so that's below the cut. I also put the timeline there again, but in three separate images, so hopefully they load well enough to be fully legible if the above isn't.

A thousand thanks to @sadbitchapologist and @zahnie for their help and advice with this, despite neither of them having any more than the barest interest in the series and therefore having no clue what I was on about. Thanks also to @orangerosebush for fielding completely out-of-the-blue questions about the French school system, so I didn't have to attempt to navigate web search results to figure out what mandatory gym classes were like for the sole purpose of plotting Luc's birthday on here.

An Analysis of the Timelines in the Artemis Fowl Series

A Brief Introduction

The Artemis Fowl series is made up of eight books covering a range of years and events. I wanted to see how accurate the timelines present in the books were, as well as try and plot out some other details implied in the novels but not explicitly stated, to have a better understanding of the overall world-building. To that end, I went through the series and made the above timeline. I colour-coded it based on the relevance of the specific items to certain categories, namely Humans, Fairies, Villains, and the Series itself. This does mean that some things could have fit into multiple categories. For instance, you will see some items involving Opal categorized as Fairy-Specific (such as her college years, as those are fairly neutral to the main plot or her villainy), Villain-Specific (such as her setting up her emergency fund, as that is mostly related to her schemes as opposed to relevant to her existence as a fairy, or part of the main plot of the series), and Plot-Specific (such as her opening the Berserker Gate, the primary plot point for the final book).

Before we really delve into things though, we should establish the baseline assumptions I was working with. Firstly, I am only using the original series. I have not used anything written in The Fowl Twins trilogy, given that those books seem to ret-con a considerable amount of the original information, and that is far too many headaches to give myself. Any supplemental series information, such as the short stories found in The Artemis Fowl Files, or anything from interviews is also not included. The premise here is: using just the original books, what is the event timeline of the world? The second thing we need to establish is that I am using the North American releases of the novels. I did make notes on where each bit of information comes from, but there isn’t really a citation style for this kind of thing, so I’m not sure how relevant that is. The third assumption is that the first book takes place the year it was originally published. According to my copy, the original publication was 2001, with the first American paperback edition coming out in 2002, and the first mass market paperback being released in 2003. This means our starting point is in 2001.

For sake of clarity, this analysis will start with setting the dates of the books and continue on from there.

The Basics of The Books

With that out of the way, let’s talk about the first book, Artemis Fowl (AF). It is actually not until the very end of the book that we get a solid answer for when it takes place. It’s only in the last few pages of the novel that Angeline Fowl leaves her attic room after all the plot points are tied up and announces that it is Christmas Day. This might be cause for concern – Angeline had not previously been established as a particularly reliable narrator – but given that we are asked to believe that Holly’s ‘feel better’ mood booster worked, and that neither Butler nor Artemis balk at or question the pronouncement that is Christmas Day, we’ll accept that it’s true and move on. This means that, with Butler’s earlier announcement that he was stuck doing four months of stakeout, we can say with a fair amount of certainty that Artemis obtained and translated the Fairy Book in September 2001, and managed to capture a fairy in December of the same year.

Moving on to Artemis Fowl: The Arctic Incident (TAI), we are given a decent chunk of information, albeit spread out a bit. The first is the announcement that the ransom drop for Artemis Fowl I is to be held on the fourteenth. The fourteenth of what, you might ask? Well, we are told that Artemis is currently thirteen years old. Clearly, things are past September 1, 2002 (we know Artemis’s birthday is September 1 based on information in both the fifth and seventh books). We are also told that Luc Carrere has been trading with the goblins for six months, starting in July. That puts us in either December or January, but we can narrow it down further since Artemis gives us another helpful clue. He mentions they are not expecting to see the dawn while attempting to rescue his father in the Arctic. There are only a few latitudes on Earth where polar night (of any type) occurs, and at Murmansk, polar twilight occurs between December 10 – January 2. Combining all of this, we learn that TAI takes place December 14, 2002, give or take a few days to either side.

This can be corroborated by information in Book 3, Artemis Fowl: The Eternity Code (TEC). After Holly heals Artemis Senior, we are told that it takes over two months for him to wake up. Since we are specifically told two months, as opposed to two and a half or three, we can conclude that the events of TEC take place in March 2003. Mulch gives us some information that confirms this. He was living in LA “less than four months ago,” and since he was conscripted to help with the events of TAI in December, a March plotline fits the bill. We are given further confirmation as well: Spiro mentions that Artemis will be fourteen in six months. A specific date for Artemis & Co.’s attack on Spiro’s Needle can be pulled from the throw-away line that Pex and Chips are “burying” Mulch on the full moon. A quick web search tells us that the full moon in March of 2003 takes place on March 14, and the rest of the events in the novel take place roughly two days to either side of that.

In Artemis Fowl: The Opal Deception (TOD), the fourth book in the series, we are given several very clear indications of when the events take place. Firstly, Artemis is contemplating that at fourteen years and three months old, he is the youngest person to successfully obtain The Fairy Thief. Based on previously noted details that his birthday is in September, the events of TOD must take place in December of 2003. Additionally, we are told that things are the middle of winter and Opal has been in a coma for eleven months and counting as of the end of TAI, another December plot.

Artemis Fowl: The Lost Colony (TLC) requires the most math and interpretation so far to figure out when it takes place. We know Artemis is still fourteen, so the main events clearly happen sometime between January 2004 and September 2004. Beyond that, we are using a fair amount of context clues. Artemis and Butler have evidently been traveling for four months looking for demons, so we are dealing with events in at least May. But that still leaves us several summertime months to work with, so to establish a timeline here, we will need to look forward a bit. In the sixth book, Artemis Fowl: The Time Paradox (TTP), it’s noted that Artemis is not yet fifteen, and has, on multiple occasions, spent the full moon in the study. Ergo, he’s spent at least a few months back from Hybras. If he has been back for two months and not yet turned fifteen, he would have had to have returned by July at the latest, and since he returns almost three years later than he leaves, we are looking at him returning in either May or June. This would have him disappearing to Hybras – and by extension, dealing with the earlier events in the book – in June, July, or August. After his conversation with Minerva, he notes to Butler that they “are planning a June wedding,” which wouldn’t make sense to say if they were currently in the month of June. From all of this, we can extrapolate that the first three-quarters of TLC take place in late July or early August 2004, with the triumphant return of our intrepid heroes occurring in June 2007.

As previously stated, TTP mentions that Artemis is still not fifteen, but is nearly there. He has also been home again for at least two months. This would put the events of the sixth book in August 2007. At least, the events set in the current time period. TTP does bring back time travel, and with it some problems. We are told that Artemis and Holly jump back nearly eight years to Artemis being ten and trying to fund searches for his missing father. This would put the events of the past in early 2000. However, other details presented regarding Artemis Senior’s disappearance, which we will discuss later, make that impossible. Artemis also admits, in TEC, that he was eleven when his father disappeared, not ten. If we take a bit of creative license with our interpretations and base the time-jump to the past on other presented information as opposed to the dates given in TTP, we can say that Holly and Artemis instead return to early 2001. This lines up with further details, such as the sinking of the Fowl Star (as calculated a few paragraphs down in this analysis) occurring in December of 2000, and the textual confirmation in TTP that it’s barely two months past that sinking when Artemis brokers the deal(s) regarding the silky sifaka lemur. Since, at the end of the day, the time jump impacts very little in the grand scheme of things, and the year 2001 actually fits in better with other textual evidence and events, that’s what I’m going with for this timeline.

The seventh book, Artemis Fowl: The Atlantis Complex (TAC) gives us a very helpful base point! It takes place on Artemis’s fifteenth birthday, September 1. From our previous results on setting dates for book events, that would be September 1, 2007. The sections in which Butler and Juliet are fighting mesmerized wrestling fans and meeting up with Mulch are noted in the novel as happening “the day before,” which would fall on August 31, 2007.

Artemis Fowl: The Last Guardian (TLG), the eighth and final book in the series, creates some problems. If we assume that Artemis starts receiving treatment for his Atlantis Complex immediately after diagnosis in TAC¸ that would put him receiving treatment in September 2007. We are told he is certified as cured after six months. Yet we are also told that the rest of the events of the book take place in the week or so leading up to the Christmas holidays. Everything so far has said that the Artemis Fowl series follows the current calendar, in which case there is no way that six months can fit between September 1, 2007 and December 25, 2007. However, the only reference to Christmas is in two lines noting that the Fowl parents were planning on holidaying with their children on a foreign beach. If we simply say that six months have passed, and they are instead planning on spending the Irish school system’s spring holidays in the French Riviera, everything else lines up much better. So that’s what I’ve done. This would also put the resurrection of Artemis, after the events of the book and a further six months have passed, at roughly September of 2008. There is a pleasing symmetry to Artemis being born and then re-born in September, though if you want to get really technical and say the events of TLG take place during the 2008 March full moon as Opal claims (as noted in another web search as March 28), a six-month wait time for the clone to grow would put the resurrection in October. Still, there is something to be said for having a boy’s ghost haunting a clone of himself close to All Hallows. Since it’s the last plot point of the series, you can choose which you’d like; it doesn’t have to lead to anything else after it.

Let’s Talk Timelines: The Beginning of the Line to The End of The 19th Century

Now that we have our baseline book time periods established, we can get into the math used to determine some of the events in the timeline above. Several events are easy; we are given specific dates for them. Turnball Root meets Leonor in 1938, Juliet wins the Miss Sugar Beet Fair beauty contest in 1999. Other things are based on some basic math, such as Artemis claiming his parents got married fourteen years prior to AF¸ putting that event in 1987.

The majority of the items on the above timeline, however, do take some mathematics, extrapolation, and interpretation to plot out. To try and keep everything organized, we’ll start at the far left of the timeline, and work our way forwards, looking at events oldest-to-newest to explain why they are where they are on the graph. I won’t be getting too in-depth on everything in the graph, since I’m not sure how relevant the notes on the very minor side characters such as Carla Frazetti are, but I’ll at least try to touch on some of the more relevant points.

To start with, the Battle of Taillte was noted in the 2000’s as being ten thousand years ago, putting that at 8000 BCE. Similarly, the last dome breach at Atlantis was apparently eight thousand years ago in the 2000’s, so that would be 6000 BCE. Troll sideshows were legal in the early middle ages, which implies they were not legal after that. A quick web search says the early middle ages ended around 1000. The first crusades were in 1096-1099, and as those crusades are the start point of the Butler-Fowl working relationship, a point for noting that comes next on the graph.

From there, we get into more modern – relatively speaking – events. Briar Cudgeon and Julius Root are noted as attending the LEP Academy together and being raised in the same tunnel, as well as having about 600 years of history together. If one assumes “being raised in the same tunnel” is similar to the human equivalent of “growing up in the same neighbourhood,” we can assume the two were born roughly 600 years ago, in the 1400’s. Vinyaya is portrayed as being of a similar age to Root, so her birth can also be put in the same general era. We are also told that Fowl Manor was originally a castle built in the fifteenth century, that in the early 2000’s the theories of timeline corruption were first introduced over five centuries ago, and that cloning has been banned for over five hundred years, so those three events are also tossed into the 1400’s.

Julius Root is noted as doing his LEP basic training 500 years ago in Ireland, so that would have to be in the 1500’s. He would have attended the Academy before then, putting that in the mid-to-late 1400’s. As previously stated, he was in the Academy with Cudgeon. Opal also met Cudgeon in college, and competed with Foaly for science prizes there, so they were all in school at the same time.

Mulch now enters the picture. We aren’t ever given a specific age range for him, but we are told about his career. He has, apparently, spent three centuries in and out of prison after a couple centuries of success as a thief. This would make him at least five hundred years old. There is a brief mention that he tried the athletic route at college before becoming a thief, so he would have to be an adult at that point, putting his age at roughly 550 years during the events of the series.

We then enter a period filled in from one-off lines throughout the series, presumably added to give some depth to the world. Things about the wine cellar at Fowl Manor being a seventeenth century addition, Captain Eusebius Fowl and his crew dying in the eighteenth century, and Mulch first faking his own death over two hundred years ago.

Time Marches On: The 20th Century

There is nothing of much relevance to linger on between the 1550’s and the 20th century, so we’ll jump ahead to the 1900’s, when we have Holly Short’s birthday. She is in her eighties during TLC, and her father died “over twenty years ago” when she was “barely sixty” as of TAI. Based on that, she would have been in her early eighties in 2002, putting her birthday sometime in the 1920’s. What a doll.

A few more birthdays now appear, and we’ll ignore, for the most part, some of the irrelevant ones. I don’t think we are at all concerned with Gaspard Paradizo’s birthday, or Mikhael Vassikin. We are, however, rather more interested in Jon Spiro, Domovoi Butler, and Artemis Fowl I.

Jon Spiro enters the series in TEC, as a middle-aged American. A quick search on the Internet says that middle age is generally noted as being between the ages of 40 to 60. We are told that Spiro has worked in three main industries over the past two and a half decades. Additionally, we are told that law enforcement has been “trying to put [him] away for thirty years.” If we assume he entered the working world at twenty, spent five years developing his professional self, and then started going down a path of questionable legality to get the police after him, that would put him at fifty-five in 2003, and born in the late 1940’s.

It was a bit easier to determine Domovoi Butler’s age, and we can get more specific with his actual birthday. We are told that he is forty at the start of TEC, and he is still forty during TOD. From that, we can assume his birthday is not between March – December, which means it has to be between January – March. Now, we can just leave things there, but contextually, Butler says in late March 2003 that “a lot of people know [him] as a forty-year old man.” Since I doubt he’s the kind of person who introduces himself by announcing that his birthday was last week, we can assume that his birthday is not in March. Since about half the books in the series take place in December, and there is never any mention of Butler’s birthday coming up soon, we can likely assume it isn’t in January. We can therefore conclude Butler was born in February, 40 years before 2003, which puts his birth year in 1963.

We then have Artemis Fowl I. This one took the most extrapolation to determine. We know he has run an ethical empire for a few years as of 2007, which coincides with his return to his family after being kidnapped by the Mafia. He apparently ran a successful criminal empire for two decades before that, though, so in 2007 he has been working for at least 25 years. Based on the interactions he had with his own son, I’ve assumed he was also taught to take over the family business from a young age. If he started working at his age of majority at 18 (as possible in the 1980’s in Ireland, based on a web search), we can assume he was born in roughly the mid 60’s.

Billy Kong, born Jonah Lee, is one to touch on. He plays a large role in TLC, during which we are given possibly the most backstory of any villain in the series. He was evidently born in the early 1970’s, and was eight years old in the early 1980’s. Mathematically, that can only lend itself to so many birth years, so it’s easy enough to put his birthdate somewhere in 1973, and his brother’s death date in 1981.

While we’re here, let’s talk about the 1980’s. A lot of things happen in the 80’s, so we’ll be here for a few paragraphs. Butler would have graduated Madam Ko’s Academy in the early ‘80s, Artemis I would have started working in his family’s business and stolen some warrior mummies (of note, the theft is only noted as being in Artemis Sr.’s “gangster days,” but if you are a young, rich criminal, you’d likely commit a wild theft in your early years as opposed to your thirties, which is why this is put in here). Additionally, in the mid 1980’s, Holly graduates the LEP Academy and her mother dies, as noted in TTP when she is contemplating missing three years of her friends lives.

Butler would have started his five-year stint in Russia with an espionage unit in the mid-to-late 80’s, and become a big brother in 1985. Juliet is noted at being four years older than Artemis in AF in 2001, and he is twelve then, making her sixteen at the time. We can extrapolate the month from TEC, wherein she is apparently eighteen when she is called regarding her brother’s apparent death. At the time, we are told what gifts she received for her birthday, implying it was fairly recent. Additionally, Artemis was only thirteen at that time, which would make Juliet five years older than Artemis. If, however, we trust that acolytes at Madam Ko’s start their training on their tenth birthday and get one chance to graduate per year, it would make sense for that one chance to be on their birthday, or within a day or two to allow for as much training time as possible. Since Juliet was in the midst of this one graduation evaluation when she gets the phone call and joins the crew for the March heist at Spiro’s Needle, she’d have to be born in March. (We can also corroborate this with some details from AF: if AF takes place in mid-September, that would be just after Artemis’s birthday, which puts the 4-year age difference back into play.)

Spelltropy begins for the People in 1987, if it appeared 20 years ago from 2007. Artemis I and Angeline Fowl would get married in 1987. They would have their first child, Artemis Fowl II, in 1989, as calculated by Artemis being twelve during the initial siege of the Manor in December 2001. Artemis II’s grandfather was noted as having been dead for over ten years at that point, and it was mentioned in TEC that Angeline married her husband before he really took over the family business, so those events would likely happen when Artemis was but a baby in 1990.

The ‘90s are a period where a lot of things are happening, but few are particularly important. Spelltropy has a cure found, Minerva Paradizo is born, Juliet begins her bodyguard training and her brother refuses to let her shave her hair. These, and other events in the 90’s, are mostly calculated by math along the lines of “Event A happened X number of years ago,” but since the 90’s was mostly a time of worldbuilding events rather than plot events, we’ll just skim over the specific details.

‘You Are Here’: The 21st Century, and Where The Storytelling Begins

Welcome to the 2000’s! The kick-off point of not only the 2000’s, but also the entire series, is the sinking of the Fowl Star. We aren’t given a specific date for this, but we are given enough information to extrapolate the date. Specifically, in September 2001, in AF, we are told Fowl Sr. has been missing for almost a year. In TAI, in December, we are told he has been missing for almost two years. That does have the potential to have the ship go down in either December or January, so we need to use a bit more details from TAI to make a final determination. Mikhael Vassikin and Kamar were told to dump Fowl’s body in the Kola if he didn’t wake up in “another year,” so they’ve been looking after him for one at that point. Fowl Sr. wakes up two weeks before the deadline, and as noted earlier, the ransom drop for him takes place December 14, after he has been awake for perhaps a week. From that, we can tell that the deadline for “another year” was mid to late December, putting the initial sinking of the Fowl Star in late 2000.

The analysis gets a bit confusing at this point, because 2001 is when future Artemis and Holly join the party via time travel, as well as having their regular selves in the timestream. Essentially, we’ve established the timeline for the events of TTP above, so we know the whole lemur fiasco takes place in March 2001. Artemis wakes up at the end of that book thinking about fairies, which ties in rather neatly to him then dragging Butler across three continents for six false alarms (with an assumed approximate 3 weeks between each jaunt) before striking metaphorical gold in Ho Chi Minh City in September. During their time-traveling, Holly also gets a chance to talk to Root, who wonders why she isn’t in Hamburg, which was noted in AF as Holly’s first major failure as a Recon officer and was nearly preceding the events of AF. The time-traveling would also mean that Opal would have had to harvest her DNA for future diabolical plans before March 2001, when her younger self travels to the future. Since it takes up to two years to grow a clone to adulthood, and her clone has to be ready in September 2003, we are a few months off in the time requirements, but really, for a practice that’s been outlawed for 500 years, I can offer a bit of leeway.

We are now well and truly in the thick of the main events of the series. Most of this will be tied into the initial assessments we made way at the beginning of this essay, where we established when each book occurs. Because of this, we aren’t going to spend time on anything plot-related. However, a brief note on Turnball Root and Artemis’s Atlantis Complex is likely in order. Artemis was, as previously stated, dealing with his return from Hybras and the after-effects of stealing magic during July and August of 2007. His Atlantis Complex, and Turnball Root’s plan to escape the Deeps prison, are in full swing in September of that year. We have a brief note in TAC during the evacuation of Atlantis, that Turnball had, a month before, spied on Artemis and noted his Atlantis Complex developing. Therefore, Artemis’s Complex likely came into play in late July or early August 2007. This is close enough to Artemis’s magic theft to make sense for the deterioration of his mental health, and enough time for Butler to have started to notice something was wrong, as he did. We can therefore assume that Atlantis Complex, at least in the case of magic-stealing humans who have a propensity for time travel and getting involved in supremely complicated and improbable plots, develops relatively quickly.

This leaves just one major discussion point from the last few books: the age of Artemis’s twin brothers, Beckett and Myles. The twins are first introduced at the very end of TLC. They are written as being two during the events of TTP, three during the events of TAC, and four during the events of TLG. Regardless of the time-traveling shenanigans of their elder brother, it is impossible for the twins to age two years in the eight months between Artemis’s return from Hybras in June 2007 and the finale of the series in March of 2008, so we need to look at what makes sense.

Myles has already potty-trained himself, and done so at fourteen months, so they must be at least that old. Their other behaviours would make sense for them to be two in TTP. Diapers are still a part of their lives, and their language and vocabulary fit what a two-year-old would have, at least in Beckett’s case. Since Artemis was surprised by their existence, it doesn’t seem likely that Angeline would have known she was pregnant, or at least not have told Artemis yet, when he went to Limbo. Ergo, they can’t be any older than two, since (one would hope) Artemis would have noticed his mother’s pregnancy if the twins were any older.

Additionally, in TLG, we know Artemis gave his brother a birthday present, so he had to have been around during the twin’s birthday at least once. With this fact, the twins cannot be born between March – June, which just leaves the question of when are the twins born?

The most logical answer is February 2005. If Angeline was early on in her pregnancy, say six weeks (which is when most women start noticing symptoms), when Artemis disappeared in July 2004, she wouldn’t necessarily have told him yet. Then, if we assume that since most twin births occur around the 35-week mark, that would math out to having the twins be born in February of 2005. Fast forward, and they would turn one in February 2006, and two in February 2007, which puts them at the correct age for the events of TTP. [One could argue, of course, that a twin pregnancy in an older woman (unfortunately, there is nothing in the series to indicate Angeline’s age) and in a woman already dealing with significant stress could result in a very premature birth, thereby voiding any of this math and leaving the whole question of the twin’s birthday unanswered. However, since I’d rather not subject the Fowl parents to the strife and misery of having one son missing and presumed dead, and their younger children in the NICU with a low survival rate, I’m working with the assumption that the pregnancy was a healthy and normal one.]

The brief comment from Juliet in TAC about the twins being three can be passed off by them being a little over two-and-a-half and Juliet not being around as she is touring in Mexico. By the time TLG takes place, in March of 2008, the twins would have had their third birthday, allowing for Artemis to give Myles his chair as a birthday present, Beckett to be old enough to no longer need diapers, and the behaviours to act more like children than infants. While this doesn’t quite allow for the repeated textual confirmations in TLG that the twins are four, we’ll go with what mathematically makes sense.

That brings us to the end of the timeline! Not everything is touched on in the timeline, and not everything in the books is plotted (we are never given enough context to know Foaly’s or Opal’s birthdates, for instance). But the main events of the Artemis Fowl series are all analyzed, mathematically or logically or textually corroborated, and plotted out, for use or ignoring as personal preference dictates.

#artemis fowl #af timeline #you have no idea how irritated I am that there is nothing - NOTHING - in the series to give ANY context #on the ages for Angeline Fowl or Arno Blunt or Damon Kronski.#i can make GUESSES but they would be entirely based on my own bias and thoughts and vibes #which is INTENSELY irritating because i have basically EVERYONE ELSE #on the timeline SOMEWHERE #oh well. i think i have most of the events of the series on there?#if i missed something i'd love it if someone could point it out so i have a complete 'map'#oh though to be clear: i did very much do this for me!#this isn't meant to like...take away anyone's headcanons or ideas or whatever #if you wanna do something that directly contradicts the above - go for it!#i am just - as my cousin put it - 'that kind of fic writer' in which i will do insane amounts of research for the smallest of details #the one i wanted this for is honestly in a fic i haven't even started #and that is in fact several ticks down the Want To Write list #but that's neither here nor there!#i now have an outline of when things happen so i can do whatever i want with it :)

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greenandsorrow · 5 months

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What once was.

the secret history fanfic

"One likes to think there's something in it, that old platitude amor vincit omnia. But if I've learned one thing in my short sad life, it is that that particular platitude is a lie. Love doesn't conquer everything. And whoever thinks it does is a fool."

I'm a fool... Richard was right. Love has the power to conquer many things, it can make the shy act brave and the brave act shy, but it cannot conquer death. I used to think Henry could not be conquered by neither love or death. I such was a fool.

Author's note 🦋

This story will be very self indulgent and maybe not for everyone! I am aware that the characters of the book aren't meant to be romanticised and I'm also aware of all the elitism and pretense that's portrayed in the book, but I still love it. If you love it too, you'll excuse me, I know it.🏛️🍂☕

No Bacchanal will take place in this fic. The characters will still be messed up, but not guilty of murder. Richard won't be the narrator. Another mention, this is Henry centred!

The Secret History left a big impression on me when I first read it (I've read it three times so far) because: I) I'm greek, live in Greece & speak greek, II) during high school I had to study ancient greek and latin too death 3) I am have a morbid longing for the picturesque at all costs.

I hope you'll like my attempt at inserting a new character. Obviously, this isn't even trying to compare to Donna Tart's exquisite talent, it's just fanfiction.

Next chapter will come out during summertime. That's just an introduction. I'm a bit insecure about writing something I aspire to be a bit more "serious", especially when it comes to my use of the English language, but it's fine I guess.

The title is basically "What once was" by Her's.

My OC, Rita, is definitely my shameless self insert. I didn't want to make her flawless, without any negative traits. I also wanted to explore the contradiction between a raw, almost bohemian person against Henry's perfectionistic and almost non-human at times personality. Rita is genuine, she is simple but in a complicated way (like all of us). She shares the same passion of the ancient world with her classmates, but not in their flamboyant manner. In a way it's her heritage, Plato, Homer & the twelve Gods of Olympus, but she embraces the fact in a grounded way, not in an obsessive one.

Just like the title is inspired by a song, so is Henry & Rita's backstory. The childhood I'll be referring to is inspired by Taylor Swift's song "seven". You don't have to be a Swiftie to enjoy this fic, but do listen to the song. It describes the purity of childhood friendships. Childhood friends that get separated for years only to find each other by chance (or fate) is all the information you need for now.

Warnings; possibility of smut/ nsfw content, mentions of childhood trauma and abandonment, triggering themes in general, physical injuries, mental issues, self harm, homophobic people from the 80's, some cute moments that might be out of character for the gang, stereotypes that I don't resign with but are part of the plot, dark themes that might have to do with death, pov changes

the masterpost

my masterlist

YOU CAN ASK TO BE ADDED TO THE TAGLIST

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bethanydelleman · 1 year

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Georgiana was so Freaked Out in Lambton because she KNEW

This is basically headcanon because we don’t know these things!

Firstly, I know people imagine that Darcy told Georgiana various levels of things about Elizabeth, but I tend to think he told her very little. We know he wrote letters in Hertfordshire to his sister, but at that point he is trying NOT to be in love with Elizabeth, so I’d bet he wasn’t writing too much about her. Then he goes to London and I’m sure he was all, “That was weird, let's forget about her.” so again, probably not saying much to his sister about the Bennets. He is also a very reserved sort of person.

Then we have Rosings, maybe he wrote to Georgiana about Elizabeth? But he didn’t even visit her for the first week, then still seems to be deciding if he’s going to actually do it or not. So I suspect no, he wasn’t telling his sister yet. And then when he goes back to London HE IS DEFINITELY NOT SAYING ANYTHING. (I mean not to his kid sister, I hope he had like someone to confide in... and eat ice cream while listening to Someone Like You by Adele)

So then we get to Pemberley, where Darcy says his sister is eager to meet Elizabeth. Honestly, I think that’s a social nicety, not the truth. I don’t think Georgiana knows shit about Elizabeth, for about another 12 hours.

Then Georgiana gets home and Darcy accosts her all excited and is like, “YOU HAVE TO MEET THIS GIRL AT THE INN IN LAMBTON SHE IS THE BEST GIRL EVER AND WE ARE GOING NOW SO GO HAVE THE REGENCY EQUIVALENT OF A SHOWER AND THEN WE ARE GOING TO LAMBTON TO MEET THIS AWESOME GIRL BECAUSE SHE IS THE HEIGHT OF EXCELLENCE.”

(This is partially canon, Georgiana basically got home and then went right to meet Elizabeth. Elizabeth was not expecting that because long gross carriage ride. We also know Darcy talked up Elizabeth so much he rendered his sister incapable of thinking ill of her.)

Now we have poor Georgiana, who is naturally shy, and she is fully aware that she’s meeting her future sister-in-law/the woman marrying her guardian/the lady who will probably be bringing her out into society and yeah, that’s a lot of pressure. So of course she could barely speak at all! She’s probably terrified that she’ll say something wrong and Elizabeth will dislike her.

Anyway, that’s my take. And the way the narrator talks about the “formidable introduction” I just feel like Georgiana had suspicions.

#pride and prejudice #mr. darcy #elizabeth bennet #the formidable introduction #jane austen #There is another fun missing scene #georgiana darcy #disliking Elizabeth is now a thought crime

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visualtaehyun · 8 months

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Rules: List 10 of your comfort shows, then tag 10 people

Thanks for tagging me y'all @sorry-bonebag @twig-tea @rocketturtle4 ✨

My criteria for a comfort show are gonna be 1) any piece of media 2) that I've watched more than once and 3) that I will keep reaching for. That's it. I can't even explain what the common denominator is tbh?? It's just- the kinda movie or show that I need on DVD to easily put on again and quell the brain worms (yes, I physically own all but #4-#6).

1. My School President: What can I say, this show took me entirely by surprise! I started watching a few days before episode 4 aired - aka the pinky touch ✨ the conversation in the stairwell ✨ and the origin of Gem4th's fanclub name being Khun Nuu ✨ - and fell right in love with it. I love musical storytelling, I love coming of age stories, I love a good romance, and I love found family/friend group dynamics so this really hit the spot for me. I guess these apply to a bunch of my choices for this tag though haha

2. Cutie Pie: I've talked about this show in another tag game (as "A show people find bad but you will defend") and all of that still holds true so I won't repeat it here. I'll just add that this show introduced me to Nunew who's my favorite artist these days. :)

3. Love In The Air (Love Storm): Yup! The show that most people on here seem to recall as that extra horny one lol It's one of the first Thai QLs I watched along with as it aired, maybe even the first one. I started watching when episode 2 came out, I think? And I just loved the D/s-dynamic, lovable brat Rain, and these rookie actors so much that I not only went looking for the bts, cast reactions, and interviews but I even started following Twitter translators for the show and cast. This show (and ZeeNunew lol) was basically my introduction to how the Y industry works, what Thai fanclubs are like, and got me well and truly interested in learning Thai. I think I've seen it enough times to speak along by now cause I also used my familiarity with it to study Thai. And now that BossNoeul are finally getting a new show, I'm really looking forward to seeing them in new roles!

4. Not Me: It's simply brilliant. And it's so grounded! You know how lots of tops in Thai QLs are rich, a CEO, drive a supercar, and live in a gorgeous modern home with huge windows (and death stairs lmao)? I love that Not Me starts in a place of privilege but has White leave that behind pretty early on. Bangkok really is a city where you can constantly see the divide between rich and poor. So I appreciate this show even more after having been to Bangkok. Not Me's characters look unfiltered and real and that's how the entire show feels as well. I just love what P'Nuchy has given us here! Oh and +1 for White narrating his entire story, I just kinda love that in general (also enjoyed Kawi narrating Be My Favorite). The next two kinda fall into one category: shows I loved as a kid, remembered - found - rewatched as a teen, and still fondly remember.

5. Kamikaze Kaito Jeanne: This is a magical girl anime that I first would have seen on TV in 2001. In hindsight, this show's religious themes may have influenced me in my love for fictional faith and devotion. Just a thought, haha, totally don't have more than one dnd character who is majorly connected to divinity, faith, and devotion, even though I personally am agnostic...

6. The Weekenders: I routinely cite this as my favorite cartoon (and I watched- just- So Many as a kid omg). Since I watched this on German TV, I only know the German dub which was honestly really fun. If any Germans read this and have seen that show: Wirsing! The rest is movies all the way down!

7. Timeline: A 2003 movie with a bunch of well-known actors that arguably qualifies as a B movie because it flopped so hard at the box office. It's my trash though. I chose it at the video store, brought it home, loved it, and then proceeded to rent it like once a year lol! It's basically a bunch of archeologists and history nerds travelling back in time to the Hundred Years War to save their professor. It has my preferred time travel dynamic of Everything is fixed and whatever traces in time you leave were already there to begin with.

8. Inception: There's several Christopher Nolan movies I love but this one is just so grand and fun and maybe I also had a bit of a crush on Elliott Page back then 👉👈 I'm a born nerd so naturally teen-me used "Non je ne regrette rien" as my alarm for years lmao This category is basically just Disney & co. musicals lol

9. Mulan (1998): If you asked me to choose my favorite from the entire classic Disney musical line-up, it would always be this one. It's the queerest, of course I'd always choose it!

10. Anastasia: You know, I looked at my shelf full of cartoon musicals- no wait, High School Musical and Pitch Perfect are next to them, hm, wELL- at my movie musicals shelf and it came down to choosing between this one and The Swan Princess (1994). And this one just kinda won out because "Once Upon A December" is impeccable! And now I've got it stuck in my head 👍

Since it took me a few days to get back to it, this has clearly made the rounds already. Who to tag?? Uh-- @pharawee @airenyah @telomeke and whoever sees this and wants to do it of course!

#tag game #msp #cutie pie the series #lita #not me the series #ql musings #thai bl #bella and the blorbos

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nicosraf · 9 months

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What advice would you give to an aspiring young writer hoping to become a published author?

This is a tough question since I don't think I'm either accomplished, skilled, or old enough to be giving advice ahahaha but also I'm not really sure what area you'd want guidance in?

As in, do you want to know how to improve your craft? How to navigate publishing?

I guess, if I were talking to my younger self, here's what I would say:

Read the books in the dark part of the library with broken spines and yellowed pages and faded words. The boring books. The books that couldn't be published today. The offensive and forbidden stuff.

You'll learn more about writing from Literature classes than Creative Writing classes.

Ask yourself, "What's the purpose of this line?" for every single line. Sometimes the purpose is simple: "Because I think it's funny/hot." That's okay.

Want to traditionally publish? Invest in your appearance and your social media presence but don't lose your identity trying to people-please. Understand that most people who traditionally publish got there through nepotism. It's a business run by white women. Understand their sensibilities before submitting.

Want to self publish? Get active on social media and befriend other authors. Understand that indie readers like adult content

Don't write a sad moment and then have the characters tell jokes to break the tension. Let the tension hang.

Kill all of your characters, not physically.

Learn from movies. Learn from folk tales. Learn from how your friends tell stories from their life.

Who is the narrator? Why are they telling this story? Why are they telling it like this?

Write a whole draft without going back and re-reading what you wrote. Editing will be tough, but at least you'll have a finished draft.

Writing is 90% editing. Give it 3-5 rounds of edits. Be harsh with yourself. Then kind.

Make note of plot points/objects — give each one an introduction, a mention, and then a Use. For example, a knife is introduced in chapter 3, it's mentioned again in chapter 5, and then someone is killed with it in chapter 8.

If you feel like, "I don't want to write this, I'm not good enough," know that you'll never be good enough. And you're never going to write a perfect book. That doesn't exist. Accept that it'll be flawed and make peace with that.

"But what if I get older and see my current work as juvenile/bad?" It can never be bad. It'll be a portrait of who you were when you wrote it. Your heart and your skills.

My professor once urged me to never, ever use cliches in my prose — as in "heart dropped," or "tongues battling for dominance." I wouldn't go so far as to ban them. But be aware of them, ask yourself if you could come up with something better.

This might be a wacky list but this is basically the rulebook I would give my younger self. If you have any hyper specific writing questions, I can try to help with that too! But, again, I'm not an expert.

Good luck! :') I hope this might help a little at least

#i can go ON and ON #tbh also keep an eye on your word count just to keep yourself steady #mine #ask #writing

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overdicebro · 1 month

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Slay the Princess is a masterpiece, we already experienced the full game and walked endless playthroughs just to see how many changed and how many did not. Stp as the complete game is beautiful enough but I think we need to talk about the demo too, in the demo not much was revealed except the complete chapter 1s and a glimpse of the chapter 2 so we only get to just conjure some thoughts about the game's plot with what the game has, idk but I've been watching the game's demo since on Manlybadasshero's channel so yeah it was my introduction to the game.

So I've been rewatching the demo videos and I think there's something interesting about our assumptions before and how they differ in the full game, but even with our assumptions it still can be true since that's the games nature. Before I remember that many people believed that the narrator was the one who pulled all the strings and the narrator is bigger than both TLQ & TSM, some already caught on the main plot of the game but there were many comments discussing theories about the game is essentially just a "what if?" alternate version of Knights & Princess games, and how it's an edgy and more darker version of Stanley Parable etc. with the narrator gaslighting you and stuff. But the main thing is that the narrator was a BIG direction of the game and it's mystique led as to believe as such.

And I'm always emphasizing that one Nightmare Scene where she took off her mask is what made ME to believe that there could be a backstory to this. But there isn't, there wasn't people that could back up the background of the Princess, there aren't animals found in the world(construct), there were no birds but trees, there wasn't a story of the Princess that could back her up that she's HUMAN or even a real princess at that. Because she isn't a princess or THE princess, she's the Shifting Mound titled as a princess. (Quick Tangent here: I think the Narrator could have made TSM into something else rather than a princess, he could have made her a seamstress as he likes; maybe the Narrator just doesn't like royalty)

Especially TLQ, it's already given that he isn't human but his voices and his choices morale make him seem human a little. Many people in the comments actually thought TLQ was made to be a bird-like creature to be diverse to its players. There aren't exactly hints at the demo that we are a god and the half of TSM because the focus was centered on the Princess, even he has no backstory, no background, no nothing.

It was obvious that the 2 didn't really have a life except the plot device of TLQ slaying the Princess. So that should've been a big sign to ME atleast that I shouldn't expect a backstory or something to make things less vague. I thought in the complete game we will be given more hints about the 2(+narrator) and expand more on the personal things.

But no, in the full game we were given answers to our previous questions but were also given more. The “world” was just a construct representing many more worlds to be devoid of change. That's why there weren't many living beings surrounding the Construct, just Shifty & Gary (+ the trees). Because the Narrator wanted a scripted situation to happen in order to release his tension regarding death.

So basically the Narrator is actually the only one with an ACTUAL backstory, yet his story and where he come from isn't expanded more because, again, the game is centered around the two TLQ & TSM. 2 Gods and concepts reuniting again after being separated by a desperate man with a fear of death.

So again BASICALLY what my assumptions of how the Narrator was BIGGER than the two. He is actually smaller than the CONCEPTS of Permanence and Change. He tried to desperately remove death from the universe which is actually badass af by splitting the pair and making the other kill the other.

It just hurts my brain to think that the plot I subconsciously made was so drastically different compared to the final game. Yet it's satisfying at the same time, cause tbh I was expecting for there to be boss fight with the Narrator and finally breaking out of the artificial plot, instead we got an argument with Shifty and finally breaking out the artificial plot. Which is essentially the same thing just a WHOLE different execution of what I thought.

Thank you for listening to my ted talk

THIS SHI LONG ASFF bro I should go to sleep goodnight peeps

#slay the princess #stp #slay the princess spoilers #black tabby games

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rayssion · 8 months

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TSATS, Finally!!

This's a very long post guys...

Idk if I have a natural ability to ignore responsibilities or I'm just genuinely not good at keeping promises. But yes, finally the long awaited review of tsats is here.

So, the general rating for me is 3.5, which is... Really good, considering the book,,

Now you know, points to talk about:

Firstly guys I want to tell you that, unfortunately the sun and the star had me run into a deep reading slumber, which is something I never expected it to happen. Idk if you noticed this but my favourite character in whole Riordanverse is Nico! And Will comes closely after him, so I thought tsats would only be a fast run to me, it's basically a solangelo fanfic just written by the original author. But as I ran the first 100 pages I found myself drained, I was bored, I was tired and we really weren't going anywhere. It was a displayer of Nico and Will's love for each other, and I'm sorry to be that person but!! I dislike it when the ship is just out there living and laughing like I'm sorry but I need them to suffer first then some smiles and laughs at the end would do (insert some offended face).

Yeah, let's talk real. I know we had to go through that introduction to know where exactly the two of them stand in their relationship to be able to observe the change and development later on, but it was very repetitive.

Nico is made from darkness, Nico had so much darkness, Nico lives in the shadows, Nico doesn't think he deserves love, Nico doubts Will's love, Nico feels he's not enough for Will. It all goes in circles and I didn't like it. Nico I know you're emo and such but I just think the narration focused too much in it on expense of getting good Will expressing.

And this coming from a big Nico di Angelo lover, I feel like we don't quite exactly know Will even after this whole book, there's yet so much to unfold about him, his mother, his life at camp, his feelings after all toa happened like his father was a teenager just like him and was the biggest loser ever (lol, I just love Lester), how come we didn't discuss that? Nico is a character we all know, we lived with him, we experienced every feeling he went through, he wasn't new to us which is not the case with Will. What's the difference between us and the troglodytes? All we know that he's a son of Apollo, a healer and Nico's glow-in-the-dark boyfriend.

I just felt the need to summarise because I felt that what I wrote could be compromised in better wording: the narration was too repetitive and too focused on Nico and his dark past™ which is not necessarily a bad thing but I just feel it'd be better if cut it a bit shorter and clear the stage for Will, because -surprise surprise- Will also has some dark parts (although not much like Nico, and yes I know the book touches the topic later on but it'd have been way better if we were introduced to it from the start thus it'd grow on us and would be very convenient later on. Tbh the book just goes "oh, Will also got a dark side, he must share it with Nico..." But what I'm saying is, we never were exposed to it, what's the darkness within Will? Those pigeons? His mother performing and him staying backstage? I feel like we could explore it much better) anyways, it'd also be really great if we got to experience Nico's dark past yet from Will's point of view more often, that way the whole communication arc would be better, because we will know that Will already had a solid image of Nico in his head (yes his lovely little emo boy with miserable history but we'll get to know what he knows about the Nico and also the flaws he had picked up in him) and as the time goes we'll get to experience that image altering.

I know someone will think "but it's a Nico di Angelo adventure!" Yes I know, but don't you think getting to know Nico, our adored character, from his boyfriend perspective would be much interesting? Come on guys, see the potential.

Let's rewind a little bit, so 100 pages, I'm bored I stopped reading for three days then picked the book yet again and..... Stopped after 50 pages ;-;

I'M SORRY BUT I REALLY WASN'T FEELING THE VIBES OKAY I KNOW IT'S TOTALLY MY FAULT AND I'M SORRY GUYS.

And picked the book for the last time today and finished it.

Oh yes, another thing that felt off for me is how Chiron and Dionysus are portrayed here, idk they felt so out of character and the whole "dO wE hUg nOw?" I'm sorry, that was cringe, dw it's on me guys.

And there were points where the writing was so inconsistent, I never read anything of Oshiro's work before, but it's so painfully obvious when his and Rick's writing styles clashes (ugly clashes) that it makes the book really obviously written by more than one author, and other points where idk if Rick is trying water down his style or Oshiro is trying to level the work up to the satire and sarcasm Riordan's books are known for. Anyways, it could use some editing (and it's definitely edited but not enough to mask every hole, because if a dumb person like me speed reading the book was able to pick all that then it's obviously not enough).

Also Nyx was stupid. Yes, that's my statement. Iget it you refuse to change but I hate how dumb her plan was. First of all, why leave Bob without guard? I mean you obviously have better chances in luring Nico and maybe killing Will if they don't have a Titan with them?? But yeah this's not about her.

I also hated we lost originality here, I already told you guys it read like a fanfic, but it really was a fanfic, every fanservice they could include they did include. For example the Hades allowing Bianca and Maria to talk to Nico once again, look I'm not complaining (as you'll read later) but really WHAT THE FUCK??! Weren't they reincarnated or whatever? How the fuck is that possible?

Also isn't Tartarus like, beyond the powers of the gods?? Then how is Hades going to retrieve whoever-was-his-name-centaure-satyr out of it? And just because Nico asked nicely?

Another thing, I know that you can issue a quest (just like what Percy and Annabeth did to rescue Grover in SOM, and like what Ares did in SON) but how the fuck do you send a prophecy?? Isn't this also too much of a godly power? Like Apollo (the god of prophecy himself) stated that they're way above him then how can Hades send one???

So we mentioned the narration, we've done the character portrial that I didn't like, now we're off to good stuff!

A big point! A huge point! For solangelo's relationship, I loved how they often had fights, disagreed with each other, hid things from one another, had miscommunication yet still managed to figure it out as mature humans whom are much better than half of adults nation. I loved how quickly one apologise once they realise they were wrong, I loved how they stayed by each other's side and how they supported each other, like bro it seems like they can't stay angry at each other more than five seconds and I love for it!

This's actually Rick's trademark (along with having Percy in everything he writes) that he always sets a good example for kids, younger audience who read his books have a good exposure to an excellent functional relationship not like some other booktok authors whom I'm not naming (totally not about you Colleen Hoover, you do you honey🙂).

Hiss-magisty and oh boy how much I love them! They were so cute I really liked how they looked up to Will, especially that the boy needed such encouragement because of the whole child of Apollo, underworld, tartarus things going on. And yet another point to tsats for representation (never forgetting Epiales).

Nico, Hades, Maria, Bianca!! You just have to love them!! They're literally my favourite family in the whole Riordanverse, yes I'm so madly in love with Sally and yes I love Percy but the Hades/di Angelo family?? That's where my discussion ends.

And speaking about family, can we have a moment of appreciation for Persephone like I truly loved her back from mythology (which I know nothing about, like she's Hades wife, that's it, yet I still loved her because she seemed nice, and she's nice!) This whole journey won't be if not for her, girl single handedly opened Will's eyes and her love for Nico??? Told you that's my family right there.

Lol I just remembered when Demeter was lecturing Persephone for not marrying a doctor and now I just know she loves solangelo, so yeah even grandma is an icon, I stan by it, that's my family.

Okay I also wanted to talk about the concept of grief and ptsd and how it was represented. This actually deserves a major applause because that's really how you write a good deep psychological analysis of losing someone and having to cop with it, especially that part when Nico tells how he just shunned all his memories away, how in his mind Jason just went to a quest and someday he'll return to camp half-blood as if nothing happened, because surprisingly it's the same method my brain took when my mother died, it's like all these years had been deleted and I was just brought to world after her passing, a lot of times I try to remember some particular incident from the time but I just can't wrap my mind about it, sometimes I became alert because for a minute there I couldn't recall her name, it was like all the pain associated with her just disappeared, it is locked far away in my brain and I still can't get access to it. So yeah, away from this pity party, I love how it was represented here, with Nico really suffering the trauma and how he eventually learned to let it go. (I cried at that mention and also when he was reunited with his family for that little amount of time).

Can we name the cocoa puffs?? Because I just adore them so much and I feel like Nico and Will will name them such cute adorable names and I can't stop thinking about that. Lol, percabeth are yet to get engaged then married and solangelo already has kids.

Ps actually but the pet names??? OMG NOTHING SWAYS MY HEART LIKE PET NAMES. I was pretty much hooked when I read "Noble McSacrifice" SSKFHIDJ

Another ps. I liked the whole Gorgyra thing as a way to show us their memories like a breeze amidst the flames every couple of chapters. At first I was like "wtf is this, did it happen or is it gonna happen or is this an alternate universe??" Don't blame me I was sleepy.

Yet another ps. I hated the "DREAM SEQUENCE" that just comes in the middle, like bro the boy just went to sleep of course I'd know this's a dream no need to point it out every time it was so annoying.

I think I covered all of the points I wanted to talk about, I was going to say "yay, first review with me having actual time to write it and think it through!" Yet auntie barged in in the middle and everything seems all over the place now.

It's like a characteristic in me now, heh. But yeah, sorry for the long wait, sorry for this shitty review, but bear with me please.

I totally adored this book once I figured out how to keep up with it ").

I'm yet to read a bunch of books all by Rick, hopefully I'll start with the chalice of the gods and come for a quick chat later.

Until then, eat, sleep and take care of yourselves♡!!

#the sun and the star #tsats #nico di angelo #william andrew solace #will solace #solangelo #rick riordan verse #riordanverse #rick riordan #rrverse #book review

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fanby-fckry · 1 month

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I have decided that Niffty is a Gemini.

I’m not all that interested in astrology irl – at least not star signs – but it’s a fun way to assign birthdays, and I need one for an upcoming fic.

I originally tried taking this test from her perspective, but it didn’t give me results that matched up with my portrayal of her.

Wound up just googling the signs and manually assigning her one.

Used one site (allure) because I’m not doing a deep dive on Zodiacs for what is essentially a throwaway reference. Here are some choice quotes, and how they relate to my version of Niffty:

Content Warning: animal death/cruelty in the form of Niffty-typical pest control

Have you ever been so busy that you wished you could clone yourself just to get everything done? That's the Gemini experience in a nutshell. Spontaneous, playful, and adorably erratic, Gemini is driven by its insatiable curiosity.

I think that one’s pretty self-explanatory. If I had to pick two words to describe Niffty, “adorably erratic,” sums her up pretty well.

Because of Geminis' intrinsic duality, they're often falsely misrepresented as two-faced. In reality, however, Gemini rarely has a hidden agenda.

I write mostly pilot!Niffty, mixed with headcanons and some series canon. So, 50’s housewife who genuinely takes pride in her role, practices manners, considers herself to be ladylike, throws herself into cooking, cleaning, and mending, has an idealized and black and white version of romance and womanhood and very much holds herself – though not necessarily others – to that very high standard.

And also the woman who takes immense pleasure in stabbing pests, writes smutty RPF fanfic for people she personally knows, keeps collections of people’s hair/fluff, and summoned a demon using animal sacrifices on multiple occasions.

She’s not intentionally two-faced, but she does very much have two conflicting sides to her personality, which she holds in equal measure.

These hyperactive air signs have short attention spans and are most satisfied when they can move fluidly from one idea to the next.

I’ve seen Niffty described as “OCD” before, but I’m not sure if there’s anything to that besides the armchair psych, ‘cleaning = OCD’ thing.

However, as someone with ADHD, I can definitely see some aspects of hyperactivity and attention deficit in her. Specifically, the fact that she seems to become hyperfocused on tasks like cleaning, but is easily distracted in other contexts.

She basically narrates her train of thought on the pilot: *polite and enthusiastic introduction* (manners first) -> It’s been a while since I made new friends -> -> *notices everyone but Alastor is fem-presenting and thinks they’re all women* -> Why are you all women? -> (I like men best) Aren’t there any men here? -> *physically lifts Charlie in search of men* -> *remembers manners* -> I’m sorry, that was rude -> *gets distracted by mess* -> Oh man, this place is filthy! It could really use a lady’s touch -> *remembers that she has (mistakenly) identified all of the hotel’s occupants as women* -> Which is weird because you’re all ladies offense (manners) -> *remembers mess* -> *hyperfixates on cleaning*

Honestly, the Niffty ADHD headcanon should probably be its own post. Moving on!

Gemini expresses emotions externally

Communication is paramount for them, and they require fluent streams of transmission.

*gestures to aforementioned inner-turned-outer monologue*

She’s a lot quieter in the series, but she does still butt into conversations she wasn’t previously a part of with usually irrelevant commentary.

In fact, the act of expression is often even more important to loquacious Gemini than what is actually being said

Just… everything she says in the series.

Another incredible Gemini quality, however, is that these natural chameleons can quickly recover from even the most shameful foot-in-mouth moments. Gemini moves too fast to care about embarrassing missteps: They simply move on.

A quick apology or a “no offense” is all it takes Niffty to move past most social faux pas, and most criticism seem to just bounce off of her.

So yeah. Gemini!Niffty.

#fanby’s fuckery #fanby’s headcanons #uh: niffty #fanby: uhverse #<- that’s right this is an uhverse thing #it all comes back to the uhverse babeyyy #hazbin hotel #niffty #hazbin hotel headcanon

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pluviophile-bookworm · 1 year

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Schmicago is Over and Done... so here are my thoughts on all of it (extra long post)

Episode 1: Welcome to Schmicago

In all honesty, I was fully prepared not to like this season bc I’m really not (or at least was not) that into this era of musicals, but all I needed was the start of Welcome to Schmicago and I was so completely in. Thank you to all the geniuses who made it possible.

No but… the second time round that the word ‘farrago’ comes up in the lyrics of the episode’s title song, I well, I was literally thinking ‘what the hey’s a farrago’, and the Narrator says ‘look it up’ — it’s like they’re reading the viewer’s thoughts. I love it. That’s the self-aware humour I’ve come for. Also, I did look it up and farrago means a confused mixture. I like it. It fits.

This is killing me (in the best way) — when they say ‘endings that are tragic’, the Narrator holds up a strand of Melissa’s hair. I love the double meaning.

I love love love this! At one point you can clearly hear Kristin Chenoweth saying ‘peas and carrots, peas and carrots’, and Josh and Melissa are like ‘Please don’t talk all at once, we can’t understand you’. Love that bit of theatre inside humour.

‘Do you have a cigarette, darling, I’m simply desperate’… what an introduction to Dove’s new character, Jenny Banks. Or, as I immediately dubbed her when I saw her, Liza Jr. I feel like I’m going to like her.

‘Fifty’s not that old’ — this coming, of course, from Keegan-Michael Key, who is 52 in real life. And ain’t he living proof of it, too.

I am loving Does That Shock You (I assume that’s the name of the song) [It’s Do We Shock You, actually, but there was no way for me to know that back when the episode aired, now was there?] — it’s like, ‘look, there’s a man and he’s wearing a dress’, ‘I like both boys and girls’, and, most hilariously, ‘I’ve experienced an orgasm. A female one.’ Goodness, this doesn’t shock me or Josh and Melissa, but it sure as the stars would render the people of Schmigadoon catatonic. And I love that, for some reason.

No but the cabaret girls… Annie, Kate, Molly, Tessie, Pepper, Duffy and Elsie. Like… a certain bunch of orphan girls from the same time period as all musicals referenced here take place. Plus Cabaret’s Elsie, of course. That’s basically as if… the girls grew up to become showgirls, which actually isn’t too far-fetched. And Ariana DeBose as the EmCee is slaying it. I love all of this. And Ann Harada is Madam Frau. Lady Lady. Cool! I love it.

‘My true passion is power [dramatic pause]… electricity’ I love love love all of this.

And Jenny Banks does a Cabaret-style number with chairography a la Mein Herr. Which is funny because Dove is just one of a whole bunch of people in this cast who would do (or, in certain cases, have done) a killer Mein Herr. Either way, I just know this will be one of my most replayed songs once the soundtrack comes out. When is that, btw? [That was yesterday, and I can fully attest to the above prediction being true.]

This number isn’t even subtle about what it’s doing. About as subtle as Va-Gi-Na or the Coming Out Reprise were last season ‘We’ve had a fine affair, but please get out of mein hair.’ I love this more than words can say.

Episode 2: Doorway to Where

The Narrator is just everything… ‘schmigadee-death… penalty’, anyone? Lovely.

Ahhh we’ve got Aaron!! That man’s voice makes me swoon in a way I didn’t think was possible to someone of my… identity. If you get what I’m trying to say. [What I’m trying to say is I’m aroace, but I do have a thing for voices, and for unconventionally attractive faces, except the latter isn’t relevant in very conventionally attractive Aaron’s case. He’s all voice to me. He could sing the phone book and I’d be done for.]

No but… his solo once again mentions squirrels and robins, and I’ve got to wonder why… like, is it just a reference to You Can’t Tame Me (my beloved), or is there something else? But also, his new character, Topher, strikes me as the only one who hasn’t changed quite as much — he’s once again a free spirit singing about squirrels and robins and wow, this is just utterly self-referential, isn’t it? I love that.

‘Please. Mr Flanagan was my father… after he lost his medical license.’ I love that. And I’m going to love Jane Krakowski’s character in this, I feel like. ‘First we court the press, then I press the court.’ I adore sentences like that. Sue me. But only with Bobby Flanagan as my solicitor.

Ok, so this one I caught. Melissa’s showgirl audition is set to a number evoking I Hope I Get It from A Chorus Line. Good going, me!

‘Dad was in the military. You know, the type with a whistle. He used to force my brothers, sisters and me to perform for guests at dinner parties. God, I hated when he did that.’ I see you, Sound of Music. I see you clear and bright. ‘So this one night I begged him for a taste of champagne’… ok, so you’re Liesl, are you? Well, funny, because all I can think of is Cecily as Liesl in that one SNL sketch with John Mulaney.

Ok but when Melissa meets Topher, she’s like ‘You look… groovy’, and I was like, his ‘pants’ are not really high-waisted in this one, though. But there’s a good chance he’s both high and wasted at any given time. I mean, so I imagine, he’s a hippie. Not to stereotype people, but hey, everyone is a walking steretype here.

When Topher’s buddies come to bust him and Josh out of jail on the happiness bus, Josh is like ‘it’s literal? I thought it was a metaphor.’ To which I say… ‘It’s not a metaphor, oh no, it’s something more — it’s a literal bus’. How’s that for a reference?

Episode 3: Bells and Whistles

Ok we’re on to episode 3 and… ‘ Rizzo, ChaCha, Doodie/ Zuko and Kenickie’… why, hello Grease! I didn’t quite expect you there, but of course that was a mistake. And also, in a number starring Danny Bailey/Zuko Aaron Tveit himself, no less.

I see you, Miss Kristin Hannigan! And I’m loving it. Mrs Lovett x Miss Hannigan has never made so much sense before. Add in some Mme Thenardier for good measure, and you’ve got the ultimate composite character.

No, I swear, between Kristin and Alan, this is giving me huge Thenardier vibes, even if it’s actually meant to be a homage to Sweeney Todd, I believe. I’m loving it either way.

Ok, so… Alan’s character, Butcher Dooley Blight, is Jenny’s father here. I love it. But oh wow, this got really bloody and dark and gory really fast.

This might as well be one of my favourite courtroom scenes. I mean, ‘On the grounds of Brooklyn’ is still my go-to, but Bells and Whistles, and Fosse jazz hands are truly something else.

‘Why am I flanked by fools’ is the new ‘I’m surrounded by idiots’, and I love it. No but, his song is actually about wanting love from women who don’t want him. He’s giving Phantom. And, oh gosh, the resounding bass note it ends on… almost more impressive than a high note.

Episode 4: Something Real

Well, it’s true that Dove and Aaron are, in my humblest of opinions, the two people whose characters from this season and the previous one are most alike — I mean, she’s a cheerful girl whose cluelessness may or may not be (and in this one definitely is) just an act and whose father would kill for her sake, and he’s a free spirit who sings about robins and squirrels (even though Danny’s ‘pants are really high-waisted’ whereas Topher would rather forgo any trousers at all because ‘flowers don’t wear pants’... which I think is a valid choice, wanting to emulate a flower. Go for it) — so, in a way, what I called has very much come to pass. Now how this is going to turn out by the end is a whole other matter, so we’ll have to wait and see.

Also, here’s a post I made the day the s1 finale came out, and... I was a bit blindsided, but I had the spirit:

Ok so the Narrator may be a bit of an arse to Mel and Josh, but I love him. I want Tituss Burgess to narrate every show in song.

Topher, arriving at the junkyard: ‘The prodigal son has returned. Someone write that down.’ The Fansie in me, knocking over about three walls at once: ‘I got a pencil!’

S1 Josh: ‘I’m not singing if you’re not singing.’ S2 Josh: ‘Talk to Daddy, talk, talk to Daddy’… now that’s what I call character growth. And that aside, this is just such a fun number. I can see myself listening to it on repeat once the soundtrack drops (which I need now btw). [Ah, yes, the ‘I’m not having an argument that’s part of a musical number’ to ‘I am not a man of many words’ to ‘Talk to Daddy’ pipeline. We stan.]

Whoever decided to pair up Dove and Aaron for a duet is a freaking genius. I need to know who that was so I can send them flowers to thank them for this vocal match made in heaven.

‘More romance’? If there’s one thing I don’t like about Schmigadoon/Schmicago, and it’s just this tiny little thing, really, but… it’s that it seems to emphasise romance as the ultimate solution, the single bringer of happiness. Only, I suppose, it will end up subverting that by the end of the season. Which would be nice if it does, indeed, happen. [Well... not exactly. But next season maybe... hope springs eternal.]

Ok, a scene centring around Kristin Chenoweth and Alan Cumming together in any sort of context is always welcome, but I’m just a bit too distracted by Dooley eating his mash using his cleaver as a spoon. It’s too funny!

No but the way he said ‘Life is just a pile of shit’… it spoke to my soul… somehow.

I have never, ever in my life laughed at the sight of someone openly discussing making children into meat, but if anyone can sell such a number, why, it’s those two. Marvellously morbid.

I hear you, ‘It’s a Hard-Knock Life’. I hear you loud and clear. Or should I say… It’s a Hard-Knock-off Life… ight I’ll see myself out. But who would have thought that mixing Annie with Sweeney Todd (and a sprinkle of Oliver!) would make such a delightfully dark and scrumptiously sinister song? Also, those tap-dancing children are so amazing! I wish we would get more than a number per season from them, but I always take what I can get. [This is another contender, along with Kaput and Talk to Daddy and Bells and Whistles, for my May Top Tracks on Spotify... what will end up happening remains to be seen, but the number of times I’ve looped those just since they were released there yesterday is already large enough to put them all in the top 20 if not the top 10.]

So this now marks two different songs I know where ‘scrumptious’ is rhymed with ‘presumptuous’ (Truly Scrumptious from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, of course, being the first), and in neither of those songs do these words sound like they should rhyme. This must be what Mel meant by that comment about imperfect rhymes, you know.

Doesn’t this just go to prove that you could sell infanticide to me if it’s accompanied by a musical number, and I’d eat it up with a spoon, or even a cleaver if I had one handy… what does that say about me, I wonder…

Episode 5: Famous as Hell

Cecily is such a star! (hey, nice alliterative phrase there) But for real, she is. Also, is this supposed to be Maybe This Time? I’ll know for sure once I watch the Schmeakdown, but I think it is, if not intertwined with something else as well.

Ok but the tribe seems to have imprinted on Josh like a bunch of baby ducklings. He’s their mama now. I love that.

I’m thinking the Narrator’s name should change to the Instigator. Love that for him.

‘Another damn rhetorical question’ might just be funnier than ‘Schmigadee-death penalty’. Either way, I love Tituss Burgess and what he does as the Narrator, or the Instigator if you will.

Ooh… I love this. Famous As Hell seems to be the sort of number which references everybody’s themes, and I love that in a number.

Ok so nobody should be subjected to 12-show day, but, like, as an obsessed fan I’d be there all day for it. Still, don’t make people perform until they bleed. Then again, this is Schmicago, so…

Wait a sec… so that’s what ‘substitutes become expedient’ meant? Not just the obvious ‘children-for-animals’ substitute, but ‘orphans-for-Kratt’. Well. I’m thinking Kratt wouldn’t make a very desirable load of sausages, though. Oh, great, now I’m considering it. I’m in so deep I’m losing awareness of how gory this all is.

Are those the twins who played the white-faced women in ASOUE, playing another pair of white-faced women? Why yes, it is them, Jacqueline and Joyce Robbins. Nice.

Ooh… ‘You’ve been getting my roses? — Moses supposes I have.’ I loved that. I’ve been wondering if Singing in the Rain could make it into the farrago, and it seems like it has.

Ok, now Kratt is definitely Phantom. Kidnapping Mel just after she’s become a star on stage and essentially going like, ‘you marry me or the man you love dies’. Also, what kind of a cliffhanger was this? I’m dying. How on earth will I make it to the finale? And there are so many knots to be untied, too many loose ends to be tied up… that’s an ambitious setup for the finale. [It was, indeed. Bit of a rush to untangle and tie up everything, it really was, but I loved it nonetheless.]

Episode 6: Over and Done

Ahhhh Ariana DeBose solo at last!! I’ve missed that so much. And a Dreamgirls solo at that! I found she was really underutilised this season, which sucks because she’s a queen, but is also completely understandable because there were so many plotlines even without her being at the forefront. Still though…

‘I shut down a dream ballet, I will shut down this’ Yes Mel, be in control of the narrative devices even if you can’t control the narrative… that is so poetic in its way. I love it.

Idk how I came to this thought, but Sgt. Rivera upon being told he has to kill Josh is giving the huntsman from Snow White. Can’t say I love that for him because it’s a really tight spot to be in, but his reaction is still one of my favourite moments.

Ok but like… is Ms. Codwell reluctant to let the orphans be killed now? What exactly was it that made her change her mind? And also, these poor kids are so death-happy, I can’t even begin to comprehend the black comedy of it all. It’s not even black comedy anymore, it’s saccharine tragedy.

Also, if Dooley and Ms Codwell get married, does that mean Kristin is going to be Dove’s mum once again? Because at first I enjoyed the subversion of them being completely unrelated here, but I’m starting to miss them as a mother-daughter duo. Maybe s3 can amend that? Whatever, just please let there be a s3.

Ok but Topher being a JCS homage all season and his tribe digging everything he says, and then once he pulls a literal Jesus, ‘turn the other cheek’ and whatnot, they’re sceptical? Idk, but I kinda dig that just bc I find it (1) funny and (2) totally reasonable.

I can’t… the Somewhere Love Is Waiting for You riff as Dooley reunites with his daughter… it’s too much. I’m going to cry. I was already going to cry, but this really is too much.

Ok but even when he doesn’t intend it, Dooley sure is good with that cleaver. And the narrative pulling a Phantom on the Phantom shout-out character… now that’s what I call poetic justice.

Yeah, sure, I’ll drink to that too. From now on I want all the villain death announcements to be done via Kaput reprise. Ding Dong the Witch is Dead who?

Rocky Horror Sgt. Rivera isn’t what I ever expected, but I’m digging it. I’m actually tearing up. What is with Schmigadoon season finales and making me sob my heart out? I need to have more of that.

Now excuse me for crossing my fandoms over here, but the tribe’s ending is giving Ordinaryish People by AJR: ‘Your hippie friends call you a sellout cos you buckled down and got a job’… indeed.

Goodness, Something Real with Topher and Jenny was one thing, but with Mel and Josh it feels that much more… real. I mean. Tell me it doesn’t. I’m not crying over the cheesiness that is a musical ending number, you are. Except I am, too, of course. How could I not be?

I did not have Narrator x Rivera on my bingo cards for this season, but like, ‘I don’t hate it’. I actually wish I could see it play out.

What’s better than Leprechaun Martin Short? Leprechaun Martin Short x2. I am living for every bizarre, out-of-left-field thing this finale throws at me. I really really really want more.

Ok but, as a lover of child-centric musicals, I now need a s3 with Josh and Mel and their little one in a land with more than one child-centred musical number. It’s not a want, it’s a need.

#schmigadoon #schmigadoon s2 #schmicago #schmicago spoilers #an extra long reaction post for good old times' sake

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