#why am i so fucking insane. what is wrong with me

[mustainegf]

Soooo i read the step dad james fic and i had an idea

James is your dads best friend and you are staying at his place for some time and he catches you touching yourself while watching some video of him on the tv and then he fucks you and teases you about the whole situation

(I'm sorry if this long I got a bit carried away 😅)

Yesss I loved writing that one so much, and this one too!!

WARNINGS: slight daddy kink, age gap, degradation, sex toys, oral m receiving, creampie

Sure it was wrong. He's my dads friend for fuck sakes! But... he's also James Hetfield...

My hole aches as I push the dildo inside, imagining that it's him.

I can picture him forcing me to bend over, his balls slapping my pussy as he plunges all the way inside me.

I whimper and squeeze my eyes shut. It would never happen. How could it? It's just a fantasy.

That's why I'm so into him in the first place.

He's untouchable. Unobtainable. And somehow that makes it even hotter. I push the dildo all the way in and bite my lip at the thought of what it would be like if it was really him fucking me.

The image of him in this video has been haunting me ever since I saw it. He's standing on stage, shirtless and sweaty. His muscles flex and ripple as he plays the guitar.

"James.. Daddy, yes..." I whine. I felt no remorse for calling him that, it only made me hornier.

I freeze as I hear the door creak open, my heart pounding in my chest. My eyes fly open, and I’m met with the sight of James Hetfield leaning against the doorframe, a smirk playing on his lips.

His short silver hair glistens in the soft light filtering through the window, and his piercing blue eyes seem to gleam with desire as he takes in the scene before him.

“Well, well, well, what’s this hm?” he says, his voice low and teasing, sending shivers down my spine.

I blush furiously, feeling exposed and vulnerable under his intense gaze. “James, I-I can explain…” I stammer, my cheeks burning with embarrassment.

He chuckles, stepping further into the room and closing the door behind him. The tattoos that adorn his muscular arms and chest stand out against his slightly tanned skin. “No need to explain, babygirl,” he says, his voice dripping with amusement. “I think I understand perfectly.”

My heart races as he approaches, his presence filling the room with an intoxicating mix of danger and desire.

Without a word, James reaches out and grabs the dildo, pulling it from my grasp with a playful smirk.

He examines it for a moment before tossing it aside, his eyes never leaving mine.

“You don’t need this,” he says, his voice low and commanding. “You need me, Don’t you?”

Before I can protest, he’s on me, pushing me back onto the bed with a strength that leaves me breathless.

I gasp, feeling a surge of arousal course through me at his touch.

“Such a dirty little slut,” he growls, his breath hot against my ear. “Using toys to satisfy yourself like some kind of desperate whore.”

I moan, unable to deny the truth of his words. I am desperate for him, craving his touch more than anything in the world.

James wastes no time, he strips himself before positioning himself between my legs and sliding his cock inside me with one swift motion.

I cry out, feeling myself stretch to accommodate him, the sensation both painful and pleasurable.

His cock is thick and hard, filling me completely and stretching me in ways I’ve never experienced before.

He begins to move, thrusting into me with a force that is unapologetic. Each stroke sends shockwaves of pleasure beating through me, and I cling to him desperately, lost in a haze of ecstasy.

His tattoos seem to come alive as he moves, the intricate designs shifting and writhing with each powerful thrust.

“That’s it, baby,” James murmurs, his voice low and husky. “Take it all. You’re such a good little slut for me.”

I whimper, unable to form coherent words as he pounds into me relentlessly.

His cock feels like pure bliss inside me, driving me to the brink of insanity with each deep thrust.

I can feel every ridge and vein, every inch of him filling me completely as he takes me harder and deeper than I’ve ever been before.

“Daddy! Harder!” I beg through moans.

I arch my back, meeting his movements with a fervor that matches his own. My pussy is clenching him so hard, he knows I’m close to cumming.

“Cum for me, baby,” he growls, his voice thick with lust. “I want to feel you cum around me.”

With a cry of pure ecstasy, I let go, my body convulsing as wave after wave of pleasure washes through me.

James follows soon after, his own release flooding my insides.

We collapse together, spent and sated, our bodies tangled in a sweaty, sticky mess. James isn’t finished with me yet.

With a firm grip on my hips, he flips me over onto my hands and knees, positioning me exactly how he wants me.

I gasp as his hand comes down hard on my ass, sending a jolt of pleasure and pain coursing through me.

“Such a naughty little slut,” he growls, his voice low and commanding. “You need to be taught a lesson.”

I whimper, feeling a rush of lust run through me at his words. I’m putty in his hands, completely at his mercy as he takes control.

With a sharp intake of breath, James slides back inside me, filling me completely once again.

I moan, feeling him stretch me even further as he thrusts into me with a force that leaves me close to blacking out.

He fucks me harder, deeper, his cock pounding into me.

I can feel every inch of him inside me, stretching me in all the right ways as he uses me as he pleases.

“Fuck, you feel so good,” James groans, his voice thick with lust. “So tight, so wet. I could fuck you like this forever, little thing.”

I whimper, unable to form coherent words.

“Look at how well you grip me, so perfect.”

James takes me harder and deeper than ever before.

It’s not long before I’m cumming again, spasming around him, my insides are aching with his abuse.

I can feel him pulsing inside me, his hot cum filling me completely as he empties himself deep within my core.

It’s an intense, mindblowing sensation, and I cry out as I feel myself being filled with him.

As James sits me up, his commanding presence sends a tremor of fear coursing through me.

I obediently take his cock in my hand, feeling the weight of it in my palm as I lean forward, my mouth hovering just inches away from his throbbing length.

“Open up, baby,” he commands, his voice low and husky with desire. “I want you to taste yourself on daddy’s cock.”

My heart pounds in my chest as I part my lips, eagerly taking him into my mouth.

The taste of our combined juices is unlike anything, and I moan softly around him as I begin to suckle over his sensitive skin.

James watches me intently, his eyes smoldering with lust as I eagerly clean him off, every stroke and flick of my tongue making him groan and twitch. He sighs softly, his fingers tangling in my hair as he guides me, urging me to take him deeper.

I comply eagerly, taking him as deep into my mouth as I can, reveling in the feeling of him filling my throat completely.

Finally, with a low groan of satisfaction, James pulls me away from him, his cock glistening with my saliva as he gazes down at me with adoration and desire.

“You’re so good, baby,” he murmurs, his voice thick with emotion as he leans in to kiss me deeply. “So fucking good, I should’ve fucked you a long time ago.”

#reqs open #request #metallica #fanfic #smut #mustainegf #fanfiction #smutshot #james hetfield x you #james hetfield x oc #james hetfield fluff #james hetfield smut #james hetfield x reader #james hetfield imagines #james hetfield fic #james hetfield fanfiction #james hetfield #metallica fluff #metallica x reader #metallica smut #metallica imagines #metallica fanfiction #oneshot #papa het

[empressdede]

Disrespectful .

Chapter five

Nora and Sienna were both over the attitude that took over the life of London. She was angry at everyone in the world and she had nobody to blame but herself.

They’d already crossed those lines so what was the point of having morals now? It was a question she asked herself everyday. She regrets telling him that they should’ve ended it because she hasn’t had a good day since.

She blames Roman. It was his fault. She was fine until he came and ruined her. He gave her an itch she couldn’t scratch and it was driving her insane. Her sex toys could only do so much. And James…. James couldn’t even scratch the surface of her sexual desires anymore. Before, James was enough; he got the job done.

But after having a taste of what Roman gave her, why would she settle for just getting the job done?

The worst part is, it was her who cut off their secret rendezvous and she didn’t know how to deal with the cards she dealt herself and since she couldn’t get her fix, she released her frustration with almost everyone around her: Nora, Sienna, James and it was even worse for everyone at work since she buried herself at work for a distraction.

At first, Nora thought it that her little sister’s attitude was going to pass after a couple of days but its been going on almost three months now and Nora didn’t know how long she could take it anymore.

London wasn’t the only one who blamed Roman; Nora and Sienna did too. It became very evident to the two of them that whatever those two had going on was taking a toll on London. So both girls were taking matters into their own hands. Nora and Sienna were determined to make them cross each other’s paths once again.

Who was it really hurting that they desired each other sexually? What their partners don’t know won’t kill ‘em right? And after those words left Sienna’s mouth, the girls knew exactly what they had to do.

Which brings them to now: Nora sitting in her car in front of London’s house going over the plan with Sienna over the phone.

“I’m sorry Sienna, I just don’t think three days is enough days. You don’t think you can push it to two weeks?”

Sienna scoffed, “Girl how the fuck do you expect me to distract Tiara for two weeks? The best I could do is a week and even that is pushing it. And plus, you’re worrying about the wrong thing, go try to get her to agree to the trip first and we’ll talk longevity later.” Sienna suggested.

Nora laughed because she already came to her decision for the both of them, “If the best you can do is a week then I’m gonna tell her it’s a week trip because a little weekend trip ain’t gon do shit. So Figure out what to do with Tiara cause I’m ending this angry streak by the end of the this week.”

Sienna agreed and after they hung up, Nora got out of her car to walk to London’s door. She didn’t know what to expect when she got there but when she knocked on the door, she wasn’t really expecting to hear an argument behind the door.

Damn. London was hellbent on letting everyone feel her wrath.

When James opened the door, Nora took pity on the tired look on his face. But she only kind’ve felt bad for James in this situation; there wasn’t really much she could do when it came to those two anyways. She still flashed him a smile when he opened the door wider for her because unbeknownst to him, she was about to fix this problem.

“I’m sorry Nora, Now really isn’t a good time.” James tried but Nora held her hand in the air to silence him, she came here on her own mission and she wasn’t going to let James close the door in her face.

"Nonsense; seems like the perfect time to me. Where’s my sister?" She questioned but London let herself e known by her yelling.

"And just what the fuck am I supposed to do when you leave James? You knew I was going to take my vacation with you and now all of a sudden they need you of all people to go to an open house?"

Nora flashed him another smile before entering into the house to find her sister in the living room. "Well what’s going on in here?" Nora asked, raising an eyebrow at the mess that was in the living room with clothes being thrown all over the place.

"She’s upset because she wants to take a vacation but I can’t. I haven’t sold any property in five months, I don’t want to pass up on the opportunity to bring home some money - I’m sorry."

“It would’ve been different James, if you had no idea of my plans, but you fuckin knew!” London argues, dismissing his attempt to apologize.

“Babe I can’t just drop everything just because you want me to.”

“So you don’t wanna go out with me even though you make your own schedule?”

James let out another sigh and walks away from the living room, this argument was going nowhere and he was tired. London scoffed as she watched James walk away, ignoring her question. She couldn’t believe this was even an argument.

“Talk about a coincidence.” Nora states with a smirk on her face.

The statement caused London to turn around and face her sister, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Girl what the hell are you talking about?”

“Girl, I literally came here to ask if you wanted to take a sisters trip to Houston. Just you and me playing catch up, ya know?” Nora explains and shrugs at her sister. “What better time than now huh?”

“And since when you been thinking of this?” London questions.

“ I seen how stressed out you’ve been lately and I want to help you, I hate seeing you so stressed out. Plus…” she steps closer to her little sister and lowers her voice so she wouldn’t be heard. “I know you don’t really want to spend an entire week with James right now, so let’s just go and enjoy ourselves okay?”

It really didn’t take a lot of convincing on Nora’s end to get London to agree to go out. As horrible as it was to admit, her sister was right… She really didn’t want to go anywhere with James; but he’s been claiming how weird she’s been with him, and she wanted to do to something to make up for her bad mood swings. She couldn’t help it though, she needed an outlet to let out her frustrations.

She’s more than thankful for her sister coming to the rescue. Hopefully this trip could get her mind off you know who.

Unbeknownst to London, Nora was quick to send out a text to Sienna to let her know that the plan was going as planned so far.

we’re good on our end, Get started on your end.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Roman was confused when he got a random call from Khalid asking him to get away for a while. It wasn’t like him to isolate himself, but he can only guess him and Sienna were into it because Tiara had told him that Sienna had invited her out to New York for some kind of fashion week.

He originally decline, but Tiara convince him to go; stating that Khalid just needed a friend, the same way Sienna needed a friend. So here he was, in Houston, Texas, at a Ritz hotel, wondering what in the world could Sienna have done to make Khalid supposedly so angry.

“So what made you run away?” Roman asked during their game of call of duty.

Khalid raised an eyebrow at the random question. “Huh?”

“How come you’re in Texas and Sienna’s in New York? What made y’all run 1500 miles away from each other?” Roman asked again.

Oh. Right. Khalid almost forgot his wife sent him here on a mission.

“How do you know she’s in New York? I thought she was back home.” Khalid questioned, tilting his head to the side in confusion.

“Tiara caught a flight to New York a couple hours before I flew out myself, She’s the one who told me they were going to New York. Anyways, you didn’t answer my question; what made you run away? Why are we in Texas instead of Florida?.” Roman questioned him again for the third time.

Khalid wondered if he presented Roman’s own problems, if he would catch on. “I’m in Texas because I need space to think about our relationship. I don’t wanna hear any speeches or anything but… I cheated on Sienna and I think she knows.”

Khalid paused the game and turn to face Roman to continue spewing out bullshit. “I don’t know what to do now.”

Roman nodded his head because he understood - sometimes life doesn’t happen the way you expect it to. “Unfortunately, I know how you feel.” Roman reveals and Khalid raises his eyebrow in faux shock.

“You cheated on Tiara?”

“Something like that. I’ll take my faults, it’s wrong because I’m married but there’s nothing wrong with exploring for a bit; as long as you find your way back home. At least that’s what I did.” Roman confessed.

“If you could go back in time and take it back, would you?” Khalid questioned and the heavy silence that took over the room really answered his question but Khalid wanted Roman to really get it off his chest. “It’s just between you and me bro… do you regret it?”

“No.” Roman finally answers, but the look in his eyes is very distant, almost as if he was lost in thought. “I know I don’t sound like a committed husband but if I had the chance to do it again with the person who I did it with; I would.”

Khalid let out a hum and nodded his head to let Roman know he was listening. And he was, that confession was all he needed to move forward with his wife’s plans.

______________________________________

London, let herself relax in the hotel bed, a soft sigh escaping her lips as the silence of the room helped her feel so relax. If only her mind was as quiet as the room; her mind going to the one man who couldn’t escape her thoughts matter how hard she tried.

She hasn’t seen him since that last dinner because she knew she wasn’t going to be able to stand on business. London was a prideful woman, she was never going to admit how much she regret her decision on cutting him off.

Why the fuck do you keep thinking about him anyway? This has to stop. It’s what she’s been telling herself for these past couple of months and she still couldn’t do it.

She finds herself missing him in the weirdest times. If she’s in a boring meeting, she’ll reminisce on the time where he text her to keep her entertained. If she went out to to eat, she missed his endless compliments or even the risky freaky shit he would pull with her, like fingering her under the table when the waitress came back to ask if everything was okay. She especially missed the sex… damn did she miss the sex.

Roman took his time to learn her body, he found out what she liked and he even introduced her to new things that she found herself loving. Sex with Roman was always exciting; especially when he would fuck her in places where she usually wouldn’t let herself do those kinds of activities: in her office, backseat of his car with or without his chauffeur… almost one time in the locker room - Roman never cared. If he desired her, he was going to to have her and she missed the feeling.

Missed feeling desirable, missed the funny moments between the two of them… she missed her friendship with Roman. He was her friend first and she missed her friend.

“Okay girl; I’m over this little rut that you’ve been having. It’s time for us to go out and shake some ass, Let’s go!” Nora exclaimed when she busted into London’s room.

“What the fuck do I look like going to the club to shake some ass as a married woman?” London questioned with a confused look on her face.

Nora scoffed and rolled her eyes, “When did being married mean you can’t be outside and shake some ass?”

London let out a tire sigh, “I just wanna relax. Maybe call a masseuse to give us a massage. I’m away from home and I’d really like to enjoy it.”

“You’d really enjoy it if you stop fighting me and go out with me.” Nora retorted and London sat up and squinted her eyes in suspicion at her older sister.

“What you got up yo sleeve Nora?” She questioned, getting straight to the point.

Nora exhaled and walked towards her sister to take a seat on the bed. “London, I know you won’t talk about what’s bothering you and I respect that; can you just respect that it hurts me to see you like that? I’ve been taking care of you for the longest, I always know when you need a break, why don’t you just let me help you?”

Albeit everything she was saying was true, Nora knew she had to lay it on thick for London to agree to go out with her. London’s eyes scan Nora’s face and took in her expression, the sadden look in her sister’s eyes is what made her drop her shoulders in defeat.

“Fine. But if I’m not enjoying myself after an hour; I’m leaving.”

Nora flashed her blinding smile, nodding her head to agree with her conditions “Great! I’ll go get ready and you can meet me downstairs okay?” She didn’t even let London respond as she rushed out of the room in excitement. London, huffed as she let herself flop backwards onto the bed, she just hope she doesn’t regret this.

______________________________________

After London finished getting dressed for her night out with her sister; she stood in front of the mirror touching up on her make up as she thought about ways she could convince her sister to let her come home early.

Her phone going off, snapped her out of her thoughts and she turned to see who was calling: Nora. “Hello?”

“Hey, did you leave your room yet?”

“No, I’m about to leave though; I’m coming downstairs right now.” London explained.

“Before you come downstairs, can you go to my room and grab me a pair of sandals? I forgot to grab it.”

“Why can’t you just go and grab it?” London asked in annoyance.

“London, you’re already upstairs; can you just please?” Nora begged and London let’s out a groan before agreeing.

“Great, my room is on the fifth floor, room 26. I think housekeeping is still cleaning the mess I made so just knock okay?” And without any other explanation Nora hung up the phone.

She’s been so demanding since we got here, I thought she wanted me to have a good time? London thought to herself. The entire elevator ride to the floor above hers she thought about what the fuck was going on with Nora in the first place.

The last time Nora took London on a sister trip, it was to break the news that she was getting a divorce. What type of bad news did she have to break to me now? She wondered. Her mind was running through all the possibilities of what could have her sister acting so weird while she off the elevator to look for room 26.

She let out a small huff because she was drawing a blank, she’ll just have to ask her sister why the fuck she was acting to weird when she got downstairs. She knocked on the door and waited for housekeeping to open the door.

Didn’t she give me her keycard? London asked herself, she remembers them giving each other keycard when they got here. Before London could give look in her clutch to search for the hotel keycard, the door finally opened and when she looked up she felt all the breath in her lungs leave her body.

“Roman?” She breathed out in disbelief. Her mind had to be playing tricks on her.

Roman himself froze as he stared at the woman in front of him. There’s no way she was standing in front of him right now. “London… what-“ he trailed off because he really didn’t know what to say.

It’s been almost three months since they last seen each other, the feeling of shock is what keeping them frozen in their spot.

“What are you doing here?” London finally asks, her mind racing because seeing him did nothing but resurface those feelings she was reminiscing about earlier. Did he have a show here? She questioned. That could be the only reason he’s here right?

“Khalid brought me here. Him and Sienna are going through it.” He answered.

Nora set me up, she brought me out here and set this whole thing up.

Everything was making sense, because even if Khalid and Sienna were going through it, Khalid wouldn’t have left Florida. They set her up, and her body was yearning to just touch him.

“You know they set us up right?” He states, and yeah. If she was going to be pushed in this direction anyways, she didn’t give a damn about the consequences anymore.

“Are we going to take advantage of the opportunity?” London asked softly and it wasn’t something the two had to really think about. They’ve denied themselves what they really wanted for long enough, and if their friends were going to push them into each other’s arms, who were they to fight what everyone else thought they needed too.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Roman and London lost themselves in each other like they usually did, but the feeling wasn’t the same as it was before.

What was so different about tonight?

There was something more profound than lust and sexual tension lingering in the air between them. When Roman pulled her into the room, their lips immediately push against the other and instead of the fast kissing they were used to, it was slow…sensual.

When they broke apart they stared into each other’s eyes. The lines of their friendship was blurred with the unexplainable feeling they were feeling for each other in the moment, they couldn’t pinpoint what that feeling was exactly.

But it’s what made London grab his neck and pull him back down to her. Their lips brushed against one another’s and the hesitation made London pull away but Roman made the choice to close the gap between them. London’s helpless moan slipped from her lips and she melted into the embrace, pushing her body against him as if to make them one.

The taste of him was intoxicating, it was one of the things she missed about him.

Roman led the two to his bed, and London made herself comfortable in his lap. Her hands caressing his shoulders and eventually moved her hands over his strong arms as their lips smothered each others again.

Chills ran through her body when he trailed his hands up her thigh to grip onto her ass, that’s when she knew this was real. She’d fall victim to daydreaming - especially when her and James were trying to get into it but she’d always come back to reality. But this… this was reality. James never touched her like that.

His hands were roaming her body as if taking in this moment would be her last. Her body was vulnerable to his touch, and she could hear her heart beat drum in her ears.

The sweet feeling of his warm body mixed with the throbbing between her legs radiated more than a positive feeling of intense pleasure of her brain. She didn’t know if it was possible to feel the way she felt at the moment: fuzzy at the brain, and warm at the heart.

They didn’t want to rush the moment, especially since it was something her sister wanted to bless them with. Upon seeing her outfit, he fell into their old routine.

“You look like an Angel.” He softly murmured in her ear before he started undressing her. “Most beautiful thing on Earth and It’s all for me isn’t it?”

And there it was, that feeling she was missing rushing back into her lungs almost as she deeply inhaled his words, that feeling of wanting to feel desirable. That feeling from earlier returned but it wasn’t a feeling she could identify at the moment so she focused on the feelings she could.

At the impulse decision of the moment, their bare bodies touched each other’s. As soon as Roman was submerged within her, she swallowed up some of his thick inches with pride and contentment. Undoubtably, her eyes flickered to the back of her head, her lips separated, and her back arched off the bed and pressed to his chest. Being so close to him, was enough to send her body into a frenzy of different emotions. Not only because it felt so good, but because it was him. Because it was Roman.

There’s synchronized movements were coupled. London’s fingernails, digging into his back and the sound of her soft moans only seasoned the moment for the both of them. She pulled his head between the crook of her neck and let her heavy pants fill his ear.

At her own allowance, she caught a sweaty grip onto his arms and extended her legs wider to pull him in deeper than before. She wanted all of it, all of him. She wasn’t holding back on taking anything he was willing to give her; she’s gone long enough without it.

Their lips met again, and while he sucked on her tongue, she let out whimpers of pleasure into the air. Roman had to give himself a silent, prep talk to encourage himself not to cum too fast, it’s been a while since he’s been in her and her wetness was driving him crazy.

He knew what she wanted without her, having to ask for it. The passionate quickening of his strokes, promoted her to tango, her legs around his torso. Her arms in case themselves around his neck; she held onto him for dear life. Her cries of pure delight escalated be on guidance. He fucked her soul into oblivion like he’s done before. She would have never imagined herself calling out God’s name, but she did just that, screeching to the heavens, while she let that dick dominate her cloudy mind and rock her entire existence into a temporary state of belief.

Without any separation between them, they painted all of their essence all over the bed. Roman could feel her in every pulsing vein in his body until he’d consumed all that was left of her.

They were both so lost in the moment that it didn’t register to either of them that a condom was initiated and neither of them seemed to care when Roman groaned into her ear and emptied himself in her. It only made London tighten her legs around his body and keep him trapped in between her legs and she welcomed the feeling of his fluids filling her up.

Never again. She wasn’t letting Roman leave her ever again. If this was wrong, she never wanted to be right. Ever.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Whew😩 this chapter went exactly how I wanted it to. I’m sorry it’s such a long read😩 I just couldn’t break it up. You guys won’t wait that long for the next chapter 😭 I promise.

As per usual please comment and gimme some love 🥹💙

Tagging the lovelies: @whatdoeseverybodywant @theninthwonder @christinabae @2-muchsauce @alichesmi @pitlissa22 @sassginawanmills @harmshake @po3ticb3auty @unfriendly--blvck--hottie @dershalover89 @serena004 @reci1996 @scarlettnoir01 @kill-the-artiste @southerngirl41 @badbitchcentralinc @reignsboy19 @mzv11 @cyberdejos2 @msbigredmachine @msniaimani @skyesthebomb @wanderingreigns @katymae12344 @bebesobrielo @alyyaanna @raya-hunter01

#empressdede #empresswriting #wwe #black reader #disrespectful #roman reigns #roman reigns x black oc #roman reigns x oc #roman reigns x black reader

[caramel-covered-apples]

the issue with drarry

before you get angry, hear me out.

[ has mentions of sex, although not explicit; don’t read for younger audiences ]

i am a huge drarry fan. i’ve always loved the rivals-to-lovers trope (if you wanna call it enemies-to-lovers, go ahead, the line between rivals and enemies is so blurred in fanfiction) and drarry sets it up perfectly - draco, a normal boy (not some sort of miniature devil baby) who grew up surrounded by bigoted views and a controlling father (not entirely abuse, although i’m not defending lucius here, I’m just saying we don’t automatically have to make lucius abusive because he was on the wrong side) and ended up biting off more than he could chew. he joined the wrong side, and we know that draco sees this, particularly in deathly hallows and the cursed child. then we have harry, the golden boy who was automatically born into the light side, who was forced to believe the world is either inherently evil or inherently good; a black-and-white picture, if you will. either way, draco is the supposed ‘enemy’ and harry is the ‘hero’.

and while this works perfectly fine - both are compelling characters, although harry, in my opinion, isn’t as well-thought out as draco - the way the fandom pushes them into certain characterizations drives me insane.

draco is almost always the mastermind, the trickster, the feminine sub, the one who doesn’t need anybody else because they’re lesser than him, the smooth one, the one who always apologizes to the golden trio when the golden trio did some shit things too, the one who’s despicable but also has a great heart and ‘my dad told me no’, the one who never grows out of insulting harry and his friends. why is draco portrayed like this? why does he always, post-war, suddenly join the golden trio and get on his hands and knees to ask for forgiveness? where are his slytherin buddies? i thought draco saw the slytherins as his friends, not the shit image of them that dumbledore painted when the bastard was alive. yet, he almost never spends time with them in fanfictions, especially post-war. he IMMEDIATELY runs to the golden trio and gets wrapped up in the whole weasley family. what happened to his family? i do know that his parents (or just lucius) are thrown into azkaban, and half of his family is shit, but that doesn’t mean he has to completely dump them, or his friends.

speaking of family, why does harry have SO much more family lore (especially with the Blacks) than draco? draco’s the one who’s related to them! shouldn’t he have some memorable experiences with his family that aren’t just outright abuse? it drives me insane.

and why are draco’s sectumsempra scars sexualized? harry fucking outright attacked him with a spell he didn’t know how to use (kudos to hermione on this one) and then 19 years later, they’re fucking each other and moaning about how pretty his scars look. harry ATTACKED him. draco somehow ALWAYS forgets about his scars until they’re in bed together, and then when harry sees them, he’s like “oh sorry” and draco IMMEDIATELY forgives him, or doesn’t even say anything. What? this also leads towards the helpless, overdramatic princess draco who needs everything done for him. no. draco might’ve been helpless when he was younger, but that’s because his parents - especially lucius - were so controlling. he literally couldn’t do anything. draco knows how to take care of himself.

now. harry. harry is always the masculine golden boy who can’t determine his broom from his glasses, who always needs draco to apologize to him and doesn’t see the world beyond black and white, even after the war. and while harry was forced to believe this by a whole number of people (mostly the order), he never grows out of this. but at the same time, draco is always the one exception to this. draco’s the one who “isn’t like the other girls” and who harry somehow manages to forgive every time. I’m not excusing harry and the golden trio for their behavior, as they did some fucked up shit too, but draco also wasn’t a great person either. he called hermione a mudblood on several occasions, but for some reason, it’s always ron and draco who can’t get along. why is hermione so willing to forgive? in the books, ron should be the one willing to forgive, and hermione the one who doesn’t like draco. and dramione is a whole other post, along with how women are portrayed in the hp universe and in the fandom.

harry is also always putting up with draco’s shit behavior. draco calls his friend a racial slur? well, he doesn’t mean it because that’s how he was raised. draco insults his intelligence every other word he speaks? well, that’s just one of his quirks. no. canon harry would get up off of his ass and say something, but for some reason in the fandom, he’s always this doormat who can’t get over draco’s fucking nose shape when draco is actively insulting him. fanon harry never stands up for himself. he’s always saying how draco is just trying to change, he doesn’t mean to call hermione a mudblood or actively insult the weasleys and the fact they can’t afford a whole fucking mansion like draco can.

and then, for some reason, harry’s always this himbo quidditch jock. while harry isn’t the brightest (“why is roonil wazlib written on the inside of your textbook?” “ah, that’s my nickname” WHAT 😭) he certainly isn’t a complete and total idiot. he’s the chosen one, and i would like to think that harry had to learn a great deal of things to protect himself. maybe harry never studied in school, but god, did he learn expecto patronum quick. just because harry was never really seen traditionally studying doesn’t mean his brain is smoother than ice. give me a harry that is constantly looking for more protection spells to protect himself and his friends, even if it isn’t through traditional means (think hermione the bookworm, if you want an example). give me a harry who spends time with neville studying the healing properties of plants in case he doesn’t have a potion on him. give me a harry who could list out how to brew a polyjuice potion off the top of his head. while i don’t like auror harry that much, i can certainly see that aurors need to have some level of intelligence if they’re actively fighting dark wizards. they need to know the aftereffects of this spell and the cure to fix it.

anyways that’s it for today because my post is so long wtf. i need sleep.

#drarry #draco malfoy #harry potter #fanon #canon vs fanon #wizarding world #discourse #anti drarry #not really but kind of #harry potter ships #and their problems

[itsalwaysforyou]

re: my last post

#LIKE????? HELLO?????? CAN ANYBODY HEAR ME #THE G R I P HE HAS ON HER ARM????? THE STARE???????? i’m ill #jal make me SO UNWELL #like ok we get it you’d do anything for each other. jesus christ #jay and his ten second long intense stare into his best friends face like they are INSUFFERABLE. I HATE THEM #descendants #descendants 3 #jal #why am i so fucking insane. what is wrong with me

[ratskool]

I’m like Johnny Truant in the tags of every goddamn post I make or reblog on this site and I’m not apologizing. If you want me to apologize come over to my house and you can talk to the minotaur about it

#House of leaves #im literally going insane these days I should go back to journaling but I’m also afraid of how far off the deep end I’ll go #Literally I am losing it and I’m being serious #I’m so fucking tired of being lonely and being left out and not being able to make connections #Sometimes I feel as if im doing things without realizing and no one is telling me about it #Other times it feels like I must have something incredibly wrong with my face or body and no one will say anything #People make plans and don’t bother to ask me if I want to join and then when I find out there’s a group chat that all my friends are in #Except me and when I asked if I could join I was given a bunch of reasons that were frankly bullshit why I couldn’t join #Are they talking shit about me? I know everybody there it’s not like I am a stranger #Am I just a stranger in this world as I unllikeable? I try my best to be nice and charitable but what am I missing? #Do I black out and say things and do things? Am I more mentally ill than I know? #The only reason (or one of the very few) why I stay alive is because of my horses because I know they would miss me and I already feel bad #Not seeing them everyday #I’m tired of being the odd one out I’m tired of being entertaining when necessary #I don’t want my only friends to be horses because it further alienates me from the rest of society and I just want to be accepted I’m not #Looking to fit in I just want connection and friendship and I can barely seem to manage that #Maybe I’m just not worth it.

[tommo2844]

Sometimes I think I’ve lost myself, at least most of the time I do. In actuality I don’t know who I am, how could I have lost something I never found?

#life #blog #tw depressing thoughts #tw depressing stuff #depressing life #sorry for being depressing #depressing shit #depressiv #complex ptsd #trauma #what is wrong with me #who am i #what the fuck #am i even real #idk what im doing #i'm sad #i’m insane #mentally fucked #actually mentally ill #mental illness #mental health #i hate me too #i hate me so much #i hate my body #i hate this #why am i like this #wtf is wrong with me #i am slowly going insane #i think i’m dying #i may never recover

[lonely--seeker]

I think I'm going insane. Lately my dreams have been so mundane, it wouldn't be weird if I wasn't just a person that has nightmares 80% of the time, so I now my dreams are so hard to distinguish from reality.

I wouldn't be able tell what was real from what not if it wasn't because last night I went to my doctor's appointment and I was handed new glasses by Harvey just to go back home and find out Laois was cooking something in my backyard.

#to be fair. in my dream i was back at my old house. so the horrors where there still #also i've been dreaming about my dog. but sometimes it's not him. it's other dog trying to replace him. but it's not him. i miss him dearly #but it's... weird. i never actually dream with characters either. something strange is going on #I've been telling my brother i wake up and i have to remember who i am #for the totally normal dreams. it's like my soul is divided and it's living somewhere else for the night #who is the person i am when i dream. because it's not me. it's a whole different live. whole different people around me. I'm going insane #there's such a strange feeling about it. it's familiar? it's comfortable? #which only makes it even more weird. why is a life so different to mine feel so comfortable... #to the point i wake up and i don't remember who i am for at least ten minutes #but then i forget what i had dreamt about. and then i go around my day randomly reminding things. then that's when i realize those memories #were actual dreams #i should write a fanfic about this lmao #it was a nice dream though. i remember vividly i was sitting in one of those chairs thingies that hang in the air? #and i was swinging happily. i think Laios was talking about where he got whatever the fuck he was cooking. i couldn't understand him really. #he wasn't speaking in spanish but it wasn't english either. i think it was a made up gibberish... I'm still baffled by how comfortable i was #i think there were friends around too. maybe a hangout was going on? everything was nice. it reminds me of the times #i would go eat at a friend's house. but things felt a lot nicer. it was like if time had stopped and nothing wrong could ever happen. #and even then. i was still there. which i think that's why i started to feel dizzy in my little swing. i ended up waking up from that. #i still get dizzy remembering it. #welp. I hope i don't lose myself tonight... #I don't actually know what's worse. the nightmares are common. they are familiar. there's comfort in knowing what to expect. #but “good” dreams like that... i end up thinking about them too much. the residual feeling is weirder #and i have to deal with the whole different layer that is.. there's was a fucking anime guy there. kill me. kill me. get him OUT of my brain #I'm not lying when I say I can physically feel Laios rearranging my brain in ways i will not share publicly #kill me.

[arthur-r]

(stupid vent in the tags i’m maybe struggling a lot. not feeling particularly real or handling my life and relationships maturely at all)

#i love i LOVE how i can write out three fucking pages of how well and normal my life is going and then just fall apart #is this directly correlated to whether i take my anxiety medication? certainly but the side effects are SHIT and its not mandatory anymore #(realizing the amount of my shit relationship that i spent fucking drugged up by myself is SHIT!! i wasn’t a real human being i was so #fucking out of it all the time and he DIDNT FUCKING CARE and i’m upset. that being said i’m anxious as shit now without my meds) #anyway i’m meeting up with two people tomorrow and they’re both the most fucked up sorts of relationships where they’ve been almost my #entire life at certain points of time but are also people who have made me FUCKING UNCOMFORTABLE but with no ill will just fucked situation #problem is one is just an asshole but the other is an incredible person with delusions attached. i think. i’m struggling #i was so fucking healthy two days ago and i thought its a good idea to say hi when i’m in town. but no actually i’m fucked in the head #i feel like he’s either going to kill me or fall in love with me. he’s ten years older than me. and has done NOTHING WRONG IM JUST INSANE #should i not show up?? this is a normal fucking person this is a normal person and i want to say hi. already sent him a long fucking email #so we’re a little late to lose this relationship. and it’s FUCKING NORMAL. normal fucking person. mentor figure positive fucking role model #what the fuck is wrong with me!!!! i’m so fucking normal i just get insane. i’m being like my nemesis actually. ex-bandmate who fucked me u #and didn’t fucking care about anyone and saw me as a character i’m doing her fucking thing. im talking about a normal man who cares about m #a normal amount. ​and interacts with me in a NORMAL FUCKING WAY. who SAVED MY FUCKING LIFE. what is WRONG WITH ME #aside from that…. i’m just feeling sick and awful. my little sister is really struggling and so am i. and i talk so much and never listen #and i could have fucking sworn that i was doing well. fucking LAST NIGHT i wrote all about how fucking stable i am. how i’m going to be oka #AND I AM. i just feel like shit. and i don’t know what’s wrong with me. i’m going on testosterone TOMORROW if all goes well. why can’t i #just fucking focus on that?!!?!?!?? and i’m dysphoric as shit it’s half of what’s wrong with me right now. maybe t will just fucking fix me #but what the fuck. what the fuck. i dont know. all of a sudden i’m in a bad place. i just want to be okay. #i hope everyone is well and i’m sorry for venting. i would almost not post this but i don’t feel real #i don’t know. sending love…. let me know if you need anything please. be well 💛 #friends only #vent cw #like if read #delete later #ask to tag

[neck-thats-made-for-bruising]

Whenever this gets brought up my mom always says "aw I know how you feel I have body dysmorphia too :(" bro I don't have body dysmorphia I know I'm skinny and most of the time I like how I look that's not even the problem so literally just stop brining it up constantly

#i know shes trying to help but Im just annoyed #it was 6 MONTHS AGO Im fine you dont have to act like Im fucking insane #'I just cant believe youd tell a stranger over me I must be doing something wrong' IT WAS A DOCTOR #and yes youre doing a lot of stuff wrong but thats not why I didnt tell you #so calm down #literally all teenagers keep stuff from their parents #am i supposed to go to you and say omg mom Im fucking depressed and dont want to eat #like?? what do you expect #and the doctor TOLD YOU its not helpful to say that you have body dysmorphia too because telling me that does nothing except piss me off #god I fixed everything it was 6 months ago Im literally fine #Okay I do appreciate my mom trying to help I guess I just had to get that out of my system #but whenever my mom and dad talk with me I know my dad is telling the truth when he says you can talk to me about anything and tell us what #we're doing wrong #but my mom is such a liar because anytime anyone tells her something she takes it so fucking personal and then plays the victim while #simultaneously telling the person that theyre playing the victim???

[meatmensch]

The people that have abandoned me really need to stop talking to me like they have any right to tell me what to do, or I swear to God, I'm gonna get the FUCKING hammer.

#inspired by my bitch of a mother sending me a text that basically said u need to get ur life together #as i always say! LET HE WHO IS WITHOUT SIN CAST THE FIRST STONE! #this woman's life is a dumpster fire #and she specifically said 'i won't financially support u. i'll always be there for u but that's a conditional statement' #which is INSANE because that don't make no sense AND she has NEVER financially supported me? genuinely why does she think she has any #fucking right...😭😭😭 #meanwhile. my dad. during the shitstorm that has been my family's existence lately. is being way more lax about me getting a job and moving #out than he has been in the past. because some fucks despite being shitheads aren't total assholes #this post is also inspired by my insufferable sister who fucked off to another fucking continent when i was 7 and treats me...well. exactly #how u would expect an upper middle class dumb jock to treat her awesome nerd little brother. and is always telling me i'm making #the wrong fucking decisions and judging me. #these ppl r so funny bc they think this is normal and that i will endure it bc the power of love or what the fuck ever. wrong! i have been #on the brink of cutting off my entire family since i was fourteen. now that i actually have the power to do some cutting off i'll be honest #i feel pretty great #it is all of course a horrible nightmare and i wish things were different etc etc etc. but in the words of supernatural. i was always going #to end up here. #while i am thinking about such things what's my other sister's deal? she has not reached out to me for years. it was like i turned 18 and #she was like ok who cares abt this dude now #which was incredibly bizarre and makes me feel like a stupid idiot who did something wrong but i know i didn't. and she was always the most #supportive of my siblings. i don't know what her problem is #in her defense her life has been weird lately. but 'lately' has lasted long enough that it's just her life now. and whenever i try to be th #one to reach out she basically gives me...nothing. #while i am thinking about such things i will acknowledge the slays. my one totally kickass sister who is the only other one of my siblings #who understands anything. i am rly grateful for her and she has been so good to me for so long especially during the recent shitstorm #she is moving very far away and that has brought up my abandonment issues but i genuinely am so happy for her and her family and she is ver #adamant about me visiting and PAYING for the visit (or at least doing the scamming that pays for the visit so i don't have to pay lol) and #making sure i'll be ok. #it's not all bad! i am going to be ok! there r so many people in my life who love me and love me in a way that makes sense to me and doesn' #make me feel like the world's worst man #personal log

[pepprs]

hm. i think i am going to stop going to counseling. he does not understand me. he pathologizes things that are not pathological.

#purrs #the premises of counseling / therapy are that you need to have boundaries and be self sufficient and fully healed. FUCK THAT! relationships #are not transactions. we are allowed to need each other. we are allowed to blur lines. we are human and messy. our thoughts and feelings are #PRECIOUS. im not letting go of my thoughts they mean EVERYTHING to me they are the key to the WORLD. im not letting go of redacted why on #EARTH would i stop redacteding to redacted that is HELPFUL for me. i don’t CARE about the roots. who the fuck is it hurting????? NO ONE!!!!! #the way he flat out told me he agrees with my mom. bitch im done forever. im done literaly forever. i don’t know how to tell him but im done #forever. maybe it’s just my id which is what he said to me LMFAO and like maybe i just don’t like being uncomfortable or facing hard truths. #but i don’t fucking think it’s TRUE!!!!!!!!!! yeah i need to grow yeah i have unhealthy behaviors. but i don’t need to let go of the whole #THING bc of some arbitrary transactional concept of what relationships are supposed to be / mean. ive NEVER had a counselor try to uproot th #the whole damn thing like omg what is WRONG with you. i #im paying this man $25 a week to UNDERSTAND me and not ONCE have i felt understood by him. counselors can disagree with me but i literally #never feel like he is on my side. he’s adhering to conventional ideas about what parents are supposed to be and friends are supposed to be a #and work is supposed to be etc etc. and so patronizingly said just enjoy being 23 you don’t wanna waste your 20s! FUCK YOU. i will not #regret anything even if it’s unusual. FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!! #and also i know he probably watches back thru the recordings and has like his supervisor and professors watch them too which means that #there is a whole team of scientists + my family studying me in a lab and thinking im insane and finding ways to tell me. but fucking bold of #him to assume he can give me any meaningful valuable insight when he is actively checking his laptop / phone during our sessions and rarely #if eve gives me a chance to drive MY OWN CONVERSATION THAT IM PAYING FOR and is so phony abt being on the recording. like Omg. maybe im just #grown out of it. it fucking SUCKS bc i actually have things i am not normal about and really need help with and i can’t actually get help fr #from ppl whose job it is to fucking help me bc they think im not normal about things i PROMISEEEE i am normal about. and the way i effective #effectively told him that and he responded that he can’t take that credibly bc there’s no action behind it BY WHICH HE MEANS I HAVENT #STOPPED REDACTEDING TO ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT REDACTED IN MY WHOLE LIFE? THAT I HAVENT DECIDED IM DONE LEARNING SND GROWING AND CUT IT #OFF?????? DO YOU FUCKING HEAR YOURSELF. INSANE. the ANTITHESIS of human. we are MEANT TO BE CONNECTED. FUCK!!!!!!!!! #delete later #my old counselors challenged me and disagreed with me b it i never felt like they flat out were unwilling to meet me where i am and #compromise with me. is that not what counselors are supposed to do???? or have i just had bad counselors until now??? because im NORMAL. i #swear to fucking god. im normal. im literally normal and it is not doing ANYONE harm. what is wrong with you. GOD

[t4tdanvis]

went from having an ok day to having a terrible day this is awesome guys wow

#❄.txt #got so panicked from seeing my biggest trigger that i left a server and now im scared to rejoin #do i really want to be in that server? no not really i dont like several of the people there and every single time ive tried to talk there #its gone wrong and i just ended up muting the server and not talking there at all because it made me insanely uncomfortable #'theseus then why the fuck do u wanna rejoin' bc one of my friends + someone i wish i had the confidence to befriend are in there and i #wanna be able to talk to them #'well were u actually talking in there' hell no i felt Terrified of that server #is being in that server worth it just to talk to this one person more?? hell if i know #currently i think it is but also i think im having a panic attack?? i feel Sick and my hands are Shaking #it also feels like im kinda in Shock currently which cant be good but yknow what do i nose /ref #if i had the confidence to just actually talk to the person i wanna talk to then none of this wouldve happened. unfortunately i am a Coward #also if discord allowed me to mute words like i can on tumblr. once again this wouldnt have happened #why was i cursed with Exomemories this is terrible #im also in another server with the person but it never talks there so do i just suck it up and rejoin the server i left?? #or what if i just exploded into a billion pieces and died forever i think that would work /j

[strwbrymlkshake]

Why can't I be satisfied with everything? It needs to be perfect to me and I can't accept anything otherwise :(

#mine #oh boy here we go. guy last post was about has been pretty cool and i got flustered around him a few times #but i feel bad bc. i need m o r e he isnt insane enough he isnt making me go absolutely crazy i want to be satisfied but im NOT im sorry #like its quite honestly the most attention acceptance etc ive gotten but its not ENOUGH he doesnt die whenever i send a selfie #im never satisfied WHY i have unrealistic expectations !!!! i hate my brain killing and violence and death etc #i get crushes on guys who want nothing to do with me but then when one actually wants me its not enough? what is wrong with me #thrill of the chase? i cant accept being loved? what is it brain. christ almighty. im not doing anything like deliberately yandere related #anymore im just being generally incomprehensibly mentally ill 🙄 still trying to find a therapist but idk how on earth ill explain that #ill update this post tomorrow with more insanity but for now i am the sleepy tired #// ok its now 3 days later i dont feel like making another post. i think i was just having a mental illness moment as always #because he does make me insane. hashtag girl. im trying to be the smartest and calculated i have ever been with a relationship in my life #like im thinkin about it so hard bro. the future n shit. how would this relationship go. im so scared ill do something wrong its preventing #me from doing things RIGHT. im sad becaude i flipped out today over even imagining him being upset with me a little #so i was really embarrassed and it put me in a weird mood for the rest of the night but he reassured me he doesnt hate me or want me to die #every one aaalways says theyre different. i can only hope this one is telling the truth. i dont know what ill do if he isnt. #well i need to stop whining about fictional scenarios and focus on the good stuff in reality. i get along with him very well and he #is very niceys to me :3 he doesnt think im fucking insane or stupid for overreacting. i feel very comfortable gossiping and talking w him #every long time blog viewer of mine reading this like ah shit here we go again #but thats what im here for. i guess. just have to keep doing this shit until something good finally happens to me romantically hngh #i feel so strange because i have wanted and yearned for a relationship but now that i actually could have one im like WAIT #I DIDNT THINK ID GET THIS FAR 💀💀💀 bruh. and he doesnt even think im stupid hes respectful to me he checks in on me all the time #like perhaps the only person to ever actually almost match my energy in a romantic sense. there was [redacted] i guess but he didnt love me #he listens to me talk about my problems he doesnt think i complain or overreact too much. all the ridiculous cringe shit i do #he doesnt mind it. its nice to be able to be myself. and im really proud of myself for not rushing into a relationship right away

[weenhands]

ummmm...venting *sigh*

#okay so uhhhh #i was doing dishes #and yesterday i kinda told myself i wanna give up trying to be happier again #or at all #because its making my brain go absolutely fucking insane trying to understand why. Im like this at least for ghe past 6 years #i kinda realized today first off im not sad. im not. rlly depressed or anything but ofc sometimes but in General No i am not sad. #i am just. here. and not in an empty way (but ofc i have my episodes sometimes) #i am vibing. #so like im fine right. but i ask myself after i go thru a massive mental cycle of questioning whats going on in my life #“my life is so. empty why is it so empty im bored its quiet nothing is happening”.... #and yeah nothing is happening and. its not sometbing wrong im doing. im not focusing too much on this. im not living life wrong. #its not a routine or a way of life i need to adapt #i think i just had a sudden realization that my life is just so quiet #these past few years have been so quiet and its cuz of me going thru this transitional period and also going from hs to uni #highschool in general i had so many friends and lots of classes. i had robin 2 minutes away. now shes 1 hour away #uni i dont talk to anyone. i hsve like one class per day. workload is harder and i have no friends and worse social anxiety #im also coming back from thr pandemic #so not only is it because of massive changes in everyday life that cause my life to be more. silent #but its also that alot of the stuff i was going thru snd fixating on since grade 11 #stripped me of my hobbies and everyday pleasures #my favorite youtubers and writing poetry everyday. fuck i used to draw so often #the movies and tv shows id watch. everything all of that is gone because i was. Tending to this one extremely sad and heartbreaking goal #which i dnt wanna discuss #butnim glad its over now. #so now im left in this new period of my lifr where im an adult and life is more empty and less.....On the run. and i lost everything #outside of me that made me happy #so maybe i do go thru depressive episodes and stuff but in a general sense. these r why my life is rhe way that it is i thought i was doing #something wrong for so long but im not #i used to wake up at 6am everyday. now i wake up later most days... #i think i just need to ask myself. do i lean into this silence or change it. Whatever.

[polaraffect]

.

#damien.txt #venting abt personal life in the tags lol sorry new followers <3<3 #ahhHHHHHHHHHHH why must sleeping be so hard #i cannot for the life of me figure out what the fuck has gone wrong or how to fix it #but here i am AGAIN at 5:30 a.m. contemplating pulling an all-nighter bc i could not sleep #and i just. am possibly going a little bit insane #bc i hate this. it feels awful. (whoa no way not getting enough sleep feels bad? who would have guessed-) #the answer at this point is probably medical intervention #and by medical intervention i mean i need to go to the store and pick up melatonin gummies lol #i am just a broke college student tho man... funding the inevitable melatonin addiction will SUCK #addiction is a strong word to use here. i just know i will want to use it every night if it works #which is like the intended usage but still. that shit gets expensive #anyways i wish having insomnia or something insomnia adjacent was actually cool and fun and edgy #and not just like. being on the verge of tears as you lay down in bed with a headache #but you literally cannot stop thinking and moving around long enough to fall asleep #my thoughts aren't even that bad they are just constant and i would like them to shut up pls <3 #ok i am done ranting lmaoo this is like the 4th rant abt sleep problems ive done on tumblr #maybe i need to like. fix this lol

[squidsqwag]

hi personal preference if u ship karai and leo i do not want u here … it’s straight up incest bro YUCK

#🦑misc #am i like insane ?!?!? bc the show acts like it’s ok WHEN ITS SUPER FUCKING WEIRD #leo PLEEEEASSSSE stop crushing on ur SISTER WHAT IS WRONG WITH U #GENUINELY ITS SO UNCOMFORTABLE KARAI U DONT DESERVE THIS 💔💔💔 #tmnt 2012 #u do not know how passionate i am abt this #it bothers me. SO MYCH #2012 is hell WHY does my brain keep eating it up #like there’s literal dookie on my plate.