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#from ppl whose job it is to fucking help me bc they think im not normal about things i PROMISEEEE i am normal about. and the way i effective
pepprs · 1 year
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hm. i think i am going to stop going to counseling. he does not understand me. he pathologizes things that are not pathological.
#purrs#the premises of counseling / therapy are that you need to have boundaries and be self sufficient and fully healed. FUCK THAT! relationships#are not transactions. we are allowed to need each other. we are allowed to blur lines. we are human and messy. our thoughts and feelings are#PRECIOUS. im not letting go of my thoughts they mean EVERYTHING to me they are the key to the WORLD. im not letting go of redacted why on#EARTH would i stop redacteding to redacted that is HELPFUL for me. i don’t CARE about the roots. who the fuck is it hurting????? NO ONE!!!!!#the way he flat out told me he agrees with my mom. bitch im done forever. im done literaly forever. i don’t know how to tell him but im done#forever. maybe it’s just my id which is what he said to me LMFAO and like maybe i just don’t like being uncomfortable or facing hard truths.#but i don’t fucking think it’s TRUE!!!!!!!!!! yeah i need to grow yeah i have unhealthy behaviors. but i don’t need to let go of the whole#THING bc of some arbitrary transactional concept of what relationships are supposed to be / mean. ive NEVER had a counselor try to uproot th#the whole damn thing like omg what is WRONG with you. i#im paying this man $25 a week to UNDERSTAND me and not ONCE have i felt understood by him. counselors can disagree with me but i literally#never feel like he is on my side. he’s adhering to conventional ideas about what parents are supposed to be and friends are supposed to be a#and work is supposed to be etc etc. and so patronizingly said just enjoy being 23 you don’t wanna waste your 20s! FUCK YOU. i will not#regret anything even if it’s unusual. FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!#and also i know he probably watches back thru the recordings and has like his supervisor and professors watch them too which means that#there is a whole team of scientists + my family studying me in a lab and thinking im insane and finding ways to tell me. but fucking bold of#him to assume he can give me any meaningful valuable insight when he is actively checking his laptop / phone during our sessions and rarely#if eve gives me a chance to drive MY OWN CONVERSATION THAT IM PAYING FOR and is so phony abt being on the recording. like Omg. maybe im just#grown out of it. it fucking SUCKS bc i actually have things i am not normal about and really need help with and i can’t actually get help fr#from ppl whose job it is to fucking help me bc they think im not normal about things i PROMISEEEE i am normal about. and the way i effective#effectively told him that and he responded that he can’t take that credibly bc there’s no action behind it BY WHICH HE MEANS I HAVENT#STOPPED REDACTEDING TO ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT REDACTED IN MY WHOLE LIFE? THAT I HAVENT DECIDED IM DONE LEARNING SND GROWING AND CUT IT#OFF?????? DO YOU FUCKING HEAR YOURSELF. INSANE. the ANTITHESIS of human. we are MEANT TO BE CONNECTED. FUCK!!!!!!!!!#delete later#my old counselors challenged me and disagreed with me b it i never felt like they flat out were unwilling to meet me where i am and#compromise with me. is that not what counselors are supposed to do???? or have i just had bad counselors until now??? because im NORMAL. i#swear to fucking god. im normal. im literally normal and it is not doing ANYONE harm. what is wrong with you. GOD
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jabberwockprince · 8 months
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Y'know what hello, how're you doin
This is a free ride to ramble about Any subject that's been plaguing you lately. Go off.
HIII NYM TY FOR THE ASK, IM DOING GOOD
just got back from a trip and I spent most of the time thinking about some obscure ass fandom I was in that just suddenly came back to my brain???????? this fucken movie out of all things came to HAUNT me
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red shoes and the seven fucking dwarfs - that movie about body positivity and the pressure of being perceived as ugly in a society that values appearance over everything else and the double standards that come with that, whose marketing royally fucking sucked and made everyone think this movie hated fat ppl???? when the main character is this girl
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and she loves herself and is confident and knows that people are most likely to help her when she puts on those red shoes that make her skinny. and the movie pokes fun at all those makeover / sexy protagonist moments in romcoms and shit with genuinely funny recurring gags. like its not a revolutionary movie, but its a pretty good movie with very nice rep and i just KNOW that if it came out during the time ppl were making edits of merida, jack frost, hiccup and rapunzel, they would've ADDED the twink ass love interest guy because LOOK AT HIM?
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mf is so 2010's fandom bait its not even FUNNY
like i was obsessed with this movie back in 2019-2020 or so and then a few weeks ago my brain was like "didn't you have. an OC for this?" and i went to check my art folder AND YEAH. I DO HAVE AN OC FOR THIS. I DID MAKE AN OC BASED ON THE QUEEN OF HEARTS AND THE JABBERWOCK
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WHY? because theres a character in the movie that is literally. Prince Average. thats his name. hes based on the hunter from snow white and hes the lamest funniest bitch in this movie. i have zero respect for this blond lanky ass twink. his VA made a GREAT job at voicing him and adlibbing his lines bc hes so very hateable in a way thats super fun. i grabbed him by the back of his stupid ass shirt and decided he was my favorite and that i was going to inflict him with infinite amounts of projection and development and depth based on two lines in the movie and a single scene in the credits sequence
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and he fucking lives in THIS castle???? sir???????? SIR?????????
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"how is this related in any way to your OC, Prince?"
ITS SO VERY IMPORTANT TO ME THAT EVERYONE UNDERSTANDS I LOVE DYSFUNCTIONAL HOMOSEXUALS WHO ARE AWFUL PATHOLOGICAL LIARS, IMMATURE AND SHITTY, AND FULL OF EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE THEY INSIST ON IGNORING TO THE POINT WHERE YOU CANT TRUST THEM WITH THE NARRATIVE BC THEYRE TWISTING EVERY LITTLE THING TO WHATEVER IS CONVENIENT TO THEM.
AND ??? I JUST HAVE. ALL THIS ART ABOUT THEM. AND THEN 5 DOCS DETAILING SO MUCH SHIT ABOUT THEIR RELATIONSHIP AND HISTORY AND PARALLELS AND MOTIFS ???
and then i got possessed to rewrite an old ass fanfic about them and i dont even know how i got here i havent thought about this fucking movie in a year or so
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long story short i love latching onto Some Fucking Guy that is Painfully My Type and making him into my own little OC. everyone consider watching the movie, it rlly is pretty funny lmfao
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faineant-girl · 2 years
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okay fuck ive gotta talk more about ghost world so i can formulate my thoughts in a proper way so i dont sound like a fool tryinf to explain why i dont like this movie. so this is going under a read more but will start w a non spoiler tldr if you want the Thoughts but still wanna watch it blind
tl;dr, ghost world left a sour taste in my mouth. its a film about the world through the eyes of a cynical, mean teenage girl, which isnt even bad it’s just a film that’s a bummer and has almost no likeable characters in the end. lots of second hand embarrassment scenes and clenching while thinking “oh no” as a girl fresh out of high school does some fucked up things. the flow of the film is very odd too, it felt like they wanted the flow the comic had but i dont feel like that kind of storytelling works in a film format? that or the ppl who wrote this movie didnt do a great job adapting it. it just wasnt a film i had a good time watching, the most enjoyment i got out of it was the design of the setting/costuming and steve buscemi’s character in the first half of the film, although his character is soured by later events. keep in mind that im not someone who critiques movies often, and its been about a month since i saw ghost world, so my thoughts could be skewed or messy bc im misremembering the film. but as is, i dont think i could recommend ghost world.
so thats a lot, and but i mostly just wanna talk about characters. there are spoilers from now on, so read at your own discretion ya know. firstly, i dont like any of them. there’s about five named characters and i forget the names of two of them because they are barely in the movie. the important ones are enid, seymour, and rebecca. enid and rebecca have been best friends their entire lives, and have just graduated high school and are planning on moving in together. i do not like these two girls. and in all respects i dont think im supposed to? at least i hope not? they are very much “weird girl” tropes, theyre cynical and not like other girls and are cooler and smarter than their peers. and im conflicted because i get what its like to be like that. enid and rebecca act like how me and my friends acted in our freshman year of high school. however 1) i dont think this is an experience the writers were keeping in mind (but ill get to that later with seymour), and 2) it’s still not very pleasant to watch. which, fine, is a personal preference, and if it doesnt bother you then awesome, it makes me upset though and worsened the viewing experience. 
so that brings us to the character that disappointed me most of all, seymour. seymour starts out so good and really cute! enid and rebecca respond to a lonely heart’s article he puts out in the paper as a joke, but enid feels drawn towards him and their dynamic is really unique and sweet initially. they bond about old records, and enid helps to try and get seymour out of the house and meeting people his own age! and she succeeds, seymour meets a sweet lady who he likes and it wouldve been so cool if this was the end of their story but it isnt. to bite the bullet, seymour is into enid and ends up sleeping with her. and it drives me crazy because no one whose watched this film nor the film itself sees this as creepy. like, enid is 18 and seymour is implied to be over 30. its something thats “technically” not illegal or whatever but it’s just... so nasty! so gross! and this is where i bring the writers into this because this isn’t something that was adapted from the books! seymour is a very minor character in the comic, and one of the writers said he put a lot of himself into seymour. so like... im not trying to imply anything, i dont want to do that, but it so unfortunate that it happened because there was another romance that was also set up (enid and one of the characters whose name i cant remember) between enid and somewhere her age, but was written out so enid could get with seymour. and like.... the narrative is critical of this and punishes seymour, but not for the reason it should, ya know? like after the night, seymour gets fired from his job for a different reason and he gets beat up after looking for enid. then enid sees him andd fuckin!! apologizes to him!!!!! and the narrative is like “no thats right, she should apologize”..... its so nasty and weird and it makes me weirded out that ive seen nothing criticizing it! everyone talking about them ships them and thinks theyre a cute could and i just. sighs.
sorry im so fired up about this, its just so weird to me... ghost world is ultimately a film that makes me uncomfortable, and i know its supposed to in some ways (its a “black comedy”, i guess) but its just not a film i want to watch again and one i dont recommend others watch if this sounds even the least bit unappealing. uh i dont have any recommendations for other films to watch instead, and i beg you to take this with a grain of salt. like i said before, im no critic and i might be misremembering the movie, i havent wanted to watch it again to solidify my thoughts i suppose (plus it was taken off of tubi so i dont really have a legal way of watching it), so yeah. i didnt like ghost world
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percyjacksonfan3 · 3 years
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The Last Olympian Thoughts
So because I have absolutely 0 self-control or restraint when it comes to this series and its characters, and for The Last Olympian in particular, I could not put TLO down. Because of this I figured I couldn’t do the usual photo reaction posts I have been so far, because the spam would just be ridiculous, so I am stealing the idea from @yourstrulytaaay​ to do a masterpost instead. (Adding a Read More cause this got ridiculously long)
Fun fact, TLO came out right after i finished reading the series for the first time so it's the first PJO book i bought  and my only hard cover one for the og series. I checked the year and turns out it was published 2009, which means i was actually 9 when i read the series for the first time. I realize this is not really a fun fact but i thought i was older when I first read the series so it's blowing my mind a little ‘cause now I’m 21 and everything hits different and i still have so much love for this series and the characters Okay onto book thoughts: - i was right that this book is gonna destroy me, the first line alone made me so excited and nostalgic it's ridiculous - I love Rachel and Percy sm tbh. Her being a bit of peace and normalcy in his life without always reminding Percy of who and what he is is so good for him. Just a little escape
- of course by the end of the book that's not the case any more but by the end he's lived his prophecy so he doesn't need it as badly, plus he and Annabeth are solid again - Percy saying Annabeth has been hard to be around lately... Ouch my heart. Luke really is the last thing that keeps them from being together and Percy is so jealous and Annabeth so torn and in pain, i feel so bad for them both
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- Beckendorf 🥺🥺 - the telkhine with the Lil Demon lunchbox!! I forgot about him. Percy: 'i left him alive, partly because his lunchbox was cool' is one of my absolute favourite lines tbh - Paul taking Percy crabbing and being imperative in helping Percy kill the giant crab 💖 Paul Blofis is important and deserves the world, okay? - aw Percy, you can't save every demigod bb
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- 'i had to fight him eventually. Why not now?... What difference would a week make?' Oh Percy you have no idea - real talk tho, the fact Kronos possessed Luke's body would also mess me tf up. Percy keeps forgetting it's not Luke anymore and yeah, that would be so so hard and confusing af, like what another smart little mind game for Kronos to pull on top of everything else - the fact Percy fights Kronos before getting the Achilles Curse and actually doesn't die within seconds is... Astounding. He kicks him in the chest! And yeah Kronos is weaker and still adjusting to Luke's body, but Percy is having trouble fighting Luke cause they used to be friends - Percy breaks Kronos' time magic!! Like?! Boy is POWERFUL.
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- OUCH - honestly Luke, Thalia and Annabeth's family breaking the way it did... Don't talk to me. Poor Annabeth, Luke betrayed them, Thalia joined the Hunters because of Luke's betrayal so she's pretty much AWOL all the time and then Luke dies. Like Rick wtf, my heart can't take it? -Percy and Tyson having each others backs when talking to Poseidon in the underwater palace is the brother-brother relationship we love to see - Percy trying to stick a sand dollar in the vending machines at school 🤦🏻‍♀🤦🏻‍♀ - the whole underwater interaction at Poseidon's palace? Perfection. Awkward family drama and all - Connor falling out of the tree when he sees Percy because he's so excited 😂😂
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- 😭💖
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- k, ik Clarisse isn't perfect but tbh if i was a child of Ares whose father was disrespected and hated by my fellow campers (ares deserves it but still) and that disrespect trickled down to how the other campers treated ME (which if Percy is reliable here, it obviously does) then i would also be irritated at being used for muscle and nothing else? And just expected to fight with the people who act as if they'd rather not have Ares kids around the rest of the time. Like Clarisse isn't totally wrong - Percy reading the prophecy, seeing he's meant to die and just being like 'i do not see it' and refusing to outright think about it makes me so sad for him - (but it taints every action after and he's super reckless afterwards bc of it- including finally breaking and accepting the Achilles Curse) - (also him taking this as the last straw and finally beginning to show Annabeth how he really feels, cause fuck it, he's dying anyway) - Give me more info about Rachel's backstory and family Rick!! -  how did i forget Percy willingly eats chocolates that taste like cardboard because 'i didnt have anything against cardboard' like sir? Ik Silena didn't want them but still? - 'she'd always been cute, but she was starting to be seriously beautiful' STOP, MY HEART CAN'T TAKE IT - Percy staring at Annabeth and forgetting what they're talking about cause hes so distracted 👌🏻
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- hmm yeah... For some strange reason.... - i forgot how Percy totally bombs this convo bw them and now want to cry 😭 Annabeth is trying to talk about what's important and Percy, you sweet oblivious man, you're shooting her down without even realizing - love that they're both on the same wavelength tho. Percy two lines before, hmm it's cool to date ppl from other cabins, wonder why im thinking that around Annabeth, my best friend in the world, and then Annabeth a beat later, hmm, let me bring up Silena and Beckendorf and how it's important to be with the people you love when you have the chance, no way Percy will miss this huge hint right? - they're the best - k i honestly forgot Percy full on physically intimidates Leneus like that - luke telling his mom if he ran away the monsters wouldnt get her..i can just imagine luke crying when he says good bye before running away because he thinks it's his fault his mom is like that and he cant take care of and protect her anymore because it's too hard - uh oh now i have angsty pre-lightning thief luke fic inspo... Him, Thalia and Annabeth on the run... The ANGST -  Rick holds absolutely nothing back in this book and i am in pain - HESTIA!! 💖💖🥰 - actual loml - i love that Rick titled this book after her and that he wrote such a great series about the importance of family (biological, found or otherwise) and home, and that he said actually Hestia is the most important bc shes the most humble and keeps the peace and knows when to fight and when to yield and you protect what you love, which is your home - i just... Adore Hestia - Grover! Missed you babes - Hades is so so horrible to Nico, always comparing him to Bianca :/ - but i do love Hades, Persephone and Demeter together they make me laugh - oh god the River Styx - Achilles 🥺 - Annabeth being Percy's lifeline is, and continues to be, A Lot™ - 'my name was Percy Jackson. I reached up and took Annabeth's hand.' LOL Why am i crying? - Like the fact there is no Percy without Annabeth, and that remembering her literally reminded him of who he is in his very soul... It's fine im fine - i won't even get into the parallels of her being his lifeline now and then later when Hera takes his memories but leaves the memory of Annabeth for Percy to fight to get back to (anyone who wants to yell about it with me... Feel free to message) - badass Percy is my fav Percy tbh - him defeating Hades?? Like? Hades is arguably the most powerful god, okay - i feel bad for Nico but if i was Percy I'd do the exact same, Nico, sorry man but this is a high stakes time crunch deal and Nico is literally the only hope of persuading Hades and distracted by his own internal stuff - flashbacks to Luke, Thalia and Annabeth hurt, ow - George and Martha are the best - damn i forgot Hermes full on nearly kills Percy here, yikes - Luke stop cockblocking Percabeth challenge
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- i love!! Percy's love for New York!! So much!! - Percy leaving to live in New Rome in HoO is a lie and this is all the proof i need for why - the fact the entire last half of the book is the battle and aftermath... Such great buildup and pacing. All the tricks and twists and battles in this War of Manhattan? I would not take out a thing, Rick, you legend - of course then the final battle in hoo with the gods is what? Two pages? Ugh, don’t talk to me about my hatred for BoO and HoO - 'no detours you two' is still the cutest thing!!! - THE HUNTERS!! Thalia i missed you - good job Percy, you finally spent your sand dollar - Minotaur!! - 'dont i get a kiss for luck? Its kind of a tradition right?' Percy finds out he's gonna die and is out of fucks to give and honestly I support him - also Michael just standing beside these two while they're flirting like umm 👀 👀 while a monster army marches towards them, nbd - Annabeth taking Ethan's knife meant for Percy!!! Cause she just knows his weak spot without him even telling her! They literally invented love - Feral Percy is so scary omg, i love how well Rick incorporates the Achilles Curse in this novel, with the whole heightened weaknesses and stuff ans the parallels to Achilles arrogance being what killed him and Percy's loyalty, fierceness and protective instinct being his own heightened weakness - the fact that Percy is the one who inadvertantly kills Michael Yew tho, I'll never recover from that - the fact Hades offers Maria di Angelo a golden palace by the Styx like how Poseidon offers Sally a palace under the sea tho. Let's talk about that parallel - the entire talk with Prometheus is so so good - not me picturing young Luke hiding in the closet to get away from his mom when she has an 'episode' -i love callbacks in stories and all of the callbacks to the rest of the series in this book make me very happy (medusa, minotaur, the underworld, Rainbow!! My baby!!, Daedalus and more) - Percy summoning a wholeass hurricane against Hyperion - the Party Ponies! They're so chaotic, i love it - Dionysus! 😁 I can't help it, i love him - Percy absolutely losing it when he sees Sally and Paul asleep in the car 🥺 - Rachel telling Percy he's not the hero screws with him so much :( poor bb - although i really really love how Rick wrote this, it's so refreshing to not have one chosen one save the world, but a combination of people - the drakon, Silena and Clarisse make me cry - the Patrochilles references, im not okay - Annabeth giving up on Luke after hearing what he did to Silena and Percy telling her that doesn't make him happy 😭 that whole interaction makes my heart ache - Percy giving Hestia Pandora's pithos 🥺 - and Hades, Nico and the others coming for a final attack is so badass, i love it - listen im glad the og trio were the ones to confront Luke on Olympus but the fact Thalia got so close and then pinned by a statue of HERA makes me so sad. Ik her and Luke were finished and she coped by cutting him off completely and giving up all hope but i would pay money to know what they would have said to each other to say goodbye - Ethan 🥺 - Poseidon joining the fight against Typhon is so cool, such a great scene - 'PEANUT BUTTER!' - Annabeth you brilliant badass you - RIP Luke, you werent great but you werent the worst either - the gods just rolling up seconds too late, wondering wtf happened in Olympus and who the dead body is - the chapter where the Olympians meet and give out rewards is one of my absolute favourites (again i am incensed we didn't get anything like this in HoO) - will Percy turning down immortality ever not make me scream in glee? No? Alright then - Annabeth being relieved like Percy was relieved at the end of Titan's Curse tho - oh Hermes :/ - its so hard reading all this and knowing what comes in HoO... Like it's such a cathartic, earned and mostly happy and peaceful ending and then HoO comes along and undermines it all - aww Rick let Paul see Olympus somehow pls, he deserves it, he killed a dracanae - (i would also love to see it) - Percy being more upset Rachel took his pegasus than her going to Camp and possibly dying, lol, priorities dude - i honestly think that Rick had other ideas for the second Great Prophecy and how things would go down in BoO, cause the prophecy like... Barely applies to BoO, Doors of Death are in book four, and explabations of it is all so unclear when Rick is usually pretty good with that stuff - PERCABETH - lol Percy complaining about privacy when he and Annabeth are caught kissing literally in the middle of the very open and public dining pavilion, okay - BEST UNDERWATER KISS OF ALL TIME - that's it and im a glass case of emotion - very happy to say that this series remains my favourite of all time 💖
 If anyone ever wants to come gush about anything Riordanverse related feel free, because as you can see I have a lot of thoughts about it all
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transrightsjimin · 4 years
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honestly class consciousness is one hell of a ride bc i didnt think abt it much until more recent years. i told my friend as a kid we were poor nd my mom got so pissed at that, nd i mean shes right that we rly werent as bad off as it could be, the family is just working class. but when you suddenly realize youre not on equal footing w middle class ppl, or ppl like my uncle who is one of the very rare few who started working class and not highly educated nd ended up becoming a millionaire in the US (im still coming for his wallet istg), its suddenly all... oh wait there are ppl whose reality is not this full of hurt and few opportunities.
like, being in a university in one of the most diverse cities in the country nd still having so few poc on it and most poc u meet are international students, and having heard some posh classmates talk abt studying "just like our parents" like it's the most evident thing in the world (while im the only person in the family that did college level, nvm university, and family was super proud, it's not a given to us that you do this!), hearing classmates claim that poverty and class are not really relevant for the netherlands anymore bc you now have the nouveau riche and art is less elitist now, so apparently class is less of a thing?? nd university is just such a wakeup call or a slap in the face bc my primary school was called ghetto, my high school was called ghetto, but then my art college prided itself on being very "diverse" while i had never seen this many white students in one place, and it's even worse for my university.
shit like my brother being in prison all the time when i was younger, my best friend when i was 4 having to move away bc her mom ODed on drugs, living next to a house that had 5 weed plantations in it over the years nd our greek neighbours even got pulled into that mess bc they needed money, living across a 'coffee house' tht stored rifles in it, someone across the street setting his house (and thus half the street bc dutch homes are often connected as one row) on fire, my dad working 50 hours a week as a parcel deliverer bc w less hours he doesnt earn enough, even if the fucking job means carrying 80 kilo boxes up stairs and other bullshit, his stress leading to two TIAs (strokes), my mom being super disabled by many physical impairments nd illness nd still not being granted help in the household bc she had a 'healthy daughter and boyfriend' nd also her being left w/o an income for 2 years, practically every high school friend's mom being disabled in some way, then at my mail delivery job where my coworkers complain abt another deliverer bc it took her 3 months to get back to work again nd they called her ‘lazy‘ for not working immediately despite having multiple illnesses and disabilities bc, and i quote, my colleague said “i’m in my sixties and have arthritis and i’m working too“ dude :// hes literally the person my other colleagues say has had it hard and needs a break, and then those coworkers too need a break nd have disabilities nd are nearing pension age and still doing this work while trying to do household work and all that stuff at the same time. my mom said my cousin’s job (in construction; scaffolder) pays “really good“ (i wonder if its really that much bc it’s apparently around €1700-2700 on average) but that he already gets bad physical complaints from it while hes young nd formerly rly fit and might need to quit soon and then figure something out like studying for something else if possible.
the neighbourhood i used to live in as a baby was ‘too criminal‘ according to my parents so then they moved out to the town next to it into a neighbourhood that was eventually labelled among the top ranked ‘criminal‘ neighbourhoods of the country nd now i live in rotterdam south which is basically seen in the same way bc again, more poverty, more families with migration backgrounds etc. it’s like, you can never escape this negative image unless the whole bunch is gentrified or smth stupid and the poor are pushed to live elsewhere again. and just the whole thing of being at home, being at school, being at work, it’s such a trip bc university is so fucking different to me nd u see all these people there who are quite confident in getting good jobs nd u have business students with rich parents who are already some stupid fucking greenwashing entrepreneur aiming to become a CEO, nd even though ppl at my study w all these artsy ppl, they are generally not upper class, most still seem to be so used to the safety of being middle class and make these huge statements about poverty not really being a thing here.
nd then the whole stress nd anxiety tht my parents passed onto me, partially bc of their trauma nd them being fed up w my ‘laziness’ (executive dysfunction nd burnout lol), partially bc they believe strongly in this workers’ ethic thats strongly in line with capitalism (even if my mom used to be part of a socialist party nd still adheres to many of those ideas) but also with this calvinistic and Rotterdam ( / Rijnmond area) ideology that you need to work hard for the entirety of your life in order to be a decent person, so not so much for an economic payoff or ‘success‘; you just have to work hard. my parents always told me ‘you can rest when you’re dead‘ every single time i mentioned or even implied i was a bit tired and it was frustrating to hear. this mentality is what lead to my dad practically getting two strokes, and to my mom overworking herself nd being taken away by an ambulance on my birthday party, it’s the whole fucking reason i do not like the prospect of work bc it is just so associated w something awful you need to get done and that you need to exhaust yourself on it until you hopefully get pension money, if the govt hopefully doesnt raise the pension age even further than 67. and then you see ppl in uni talk abt fun future “careers” like what the fuck are you talking about? how are you gonna get a job in the arts and culture field in this pandemic? im already happy if im able to find a job and dont have to quit due to disability or a chronic illness that runs in both sides of my family. im sorry im being so negative but im stressed about jobs and i think i went on a tangent today all bc i saw one post abt being scared of PE classes nd my mind went to bad places. this is ok to rb or reply to btw, as long as youre a mutual
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scandeniall · 4 years
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ri’s self ship
Self ship tag:
Listen I was tagged by mother Sam @samwrights almost 3 weeks ago and this shitshow has been sitting in my notes since then. To the point where the original tag is long gone in my notifications so I cant even the low it 😭
Anyways let me clear this out and say I ship me with my original number one hq boy: Kuroo
Alrighty eye suppose
Ok so me and kuroo most definitely met our first year of college. First day of class in some random ass gen ed like history yeah that works. And y’all know how profs be like “get to know the person next to you and exchange numbers.” Now I’m like—- wow he’s hot but I know how to play it cool. Anyways so we do a quick intro and then he complements my hair
“I like the decorations,” and I do my general awkward but friendly laugh and say thanks. Anyways that’s how it starts. We finish that awkward ice breaker where it’s like “tell your neighbor why you’re taking this class” and bc we’re both sarcastic dummies it’s like “bro cause it’s fucking required”
Anyways it’s now class two and I’m one of them bitches who gets to class early (in the beginning of the year) bc I like picking my seat. So the seat I picked was in the middle row off near the end on the first day so I sit there again and then kuroo comes back and I’m shook bc i didn’t expect him to sit back there. /Alright so ima use an example of how I met one of my guy friends this past year/ so let’s say this is one of them annoying ass classes where there’s like some mini assignment due every class. So kuroo suggests how about we take turns doing the assignment and sending the other the answers. And I’m like yeah ok I could use that break every other day. So yes that’s how we get each other’s numbers
So that’s basically how the first half of the semester goes. Over time we both make some slight convo with other ppl in our class around us but still sit our unassigned assigned seats next to each other. But now it’s nearing midterms. And at this point yeah I dont come to class early anymore like I’m there like 5 minutes before but history class bro kuroo always makes sure a seat next to him is saved bc at this point he knows I’m like rushing.
Anyways I nearly knock him out with my big ass bag as i squeeze past him in these tight ass aisles and he’s all dramatic saying I’m trying to kill him and got me laughing but also frantically apologizing. Anyways he’s like “yo do you wanna study for this exam together.” I love friends but I’m actually so shy so I say yeah and we make a plan. We’re gonna link like 3 times before the exam next week. The first time being that same night.
Alright so we go about the rest of our day until it’s like 8pm and we’re both done with our own other club commitments and stuff so I’m like walking around the library looking for him slightly nervous bc attractive ppl make me nervous and we’re meeting up for the first time outside of class. I walk around in a circle like 3 times until his y’all ass pop up behind me (note I’m 5’0). “Didn’t see you there” and I’m one of them bitches that be like “woooooooow ok”
Anyways we find a little table in the back of the crowded library and yeah the first 20 minutes were not doing shit. We pull out our laptops and notes but really we’re just talking. He’s the type to as you about your day and since I’m like perpetually tired I’m like “yeah I’m ready for bed I just got out of a meeting and it was sooooo long.” And then we actually kinda find out one another’s campus involvements and he finds out I’m in a retail and food club and I find out he plays for the intermural volleyball team and his a science loser
Anyways yeah from there our friendship blooms and continues on into the following semester where we sign up for another two gen eds together and I end up meeting his old high school friend y’all and watching them mfs argue is the funniest shit. I’m always catching their dumb arguments on Snapchat
Yeah let’s fast forward to our junior years. Over the past 2 years our friendship grew from platonic to just flirtatious friends and by now we’re flirtatious friends whose touches linger just a lil longer to be platonic. By this time we’re both living in apartment buildings (it ended up being the same one) and are both hella busy with upper level classes and both have like 5 campus involvements plus jobs.
Whenever we see each other one of us is always like half dead. But we still find time to hangout even though it’s mostly at one of our apartments. Since we live in the same building and kuroo is in a bigger 3 bedroom over my 2 I tend to go upstairs to his more often.
So Its like 9pm on a Thursday night and i don’t have Friday classes and I’m finally home for the day and as soon as i shower put in my comfy sweats, wipe off my eyebrows and put on and bonnet here comes kuroo FaceTiming me. Yes we’re at the point in our friendship where we only answer with half of our faces. “You don’t have any other friends come keep me company”
Bc he’s hit and my friend I’m like yeah whatever and go up the 2 floors to his place and he’s literally at his desk doing homework. “You made me get out of bed to watch you do homework” and he just does that stupid smirk before telling me I can just chill on his bed. So listen I think he’s the type to keep his room fucking freezing so I’m like getting under his covers and he asks me to play dj.
Now ok my music taste is all over the place but my main genre is rnb so yeah. Kuroo knows this and over the years I put him on to a lot of it so yeah I’m gonna turn on Brent faiyaz and he’s just over at his desk working and vibing. He tells me he likes my music taste (and bc I throw in a lil bit of everything for him)
As two Scorpio’s were both used to lowkey subtly making people do what we want them to do. So like it’s the cat and mouse type game with us and we keep tryna make the other person take it further
We don’t even know when we start dating shit it’s just one day “y’all dating?” “Yeah” so much for an anniversary date
I’d hang out with him way too much bc my lack of friends is sickening. And I like doing random shit so let’s go to the park at 3am and hope we don’t get in trouble
I’m hungry at 3am let’s go a store that’s open 24 hours and deliriously roam the half stocked aisles
At this point kuroo just invites himself over on my Sunday wash days bc he knows that shit is gonna taken hours. ESPECIALLY when I’m taking my braids out
Kuroo the type of bf to help me take my braids out and not be completely grossed out at the dirt residue from the hair style. “Baby what if I put this under a microscope” yeah he’s disgusting though
He’s also the bf to try and help me detangling every time but my scalp is v sensitive so at some point I’m just like “yeah I’m gonna need you to STOP”
We’re both chaotic is this even a relationship or are we just besties? I’m that annoying friend that tries to record everything but he’s so tall in comparison to me that he gets cut off the camera half the time
We’re both annoying and stay ready with witty comebacks so we playfully bicker way too much but it’s fun and we’re still inseparable
Idk what I’m doing here so ima end and sum up and say kuroo best boy. Best boy also dates and is your best friend and that is LITERALLY my vibe 110%
idk im very late to this trend so um i tag anyone who wants to do this
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lanasaved · 5 years
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sssslithers onto the scene like nagini.... hlo! i’m nai n i’m rly excited to finally return 2 rp. uni is officially Over n i’m living bk at home nw so i actually hav free time again to write. c’est une.... how do u say.... Miracle! some of u might b familiar w lana already bt if not u can find out mre abt her under the cut n feel free 2 like this or hmu fr plots!!!
p.s. this is her pinterest for those of u tht like tht kind of thing
CIS-FEMALE — ever hear people say LANA JAMESON looks a lot like KRISTINE FROSETH? I think SHE is about 22, so it doesn’t really work. The DANCE major is a JUNIOR that is from ALBANY, NEW YORK. They can be + VIVACIOUS, but they can also be - IRRESPONSIBLE. I think LANA might be SHEEP. They are living in BALTA. ( nai. 22. gmt. she/her. )
some random aesthetics: a red water pistol topped up with caribbean rum and covered in stickers of cartoon pin up girls, a vinyl record whirring silently because you got too distracted by a stranger’s hands to reach over and flip sides, giant inflatable flamingos floating in the aftermath of a pool party, smudgy lipstick kisses left like an autograph on someone else’s mirror
ic im sayin she jst got bk from going abroad w louis, this kind of sleazy older man tht manages the camgirls on the website lana works fr. he calls himself a “big exec” at “the company” n mkes it all sound a lot more professional than it is. he also owns this big house w all these different rooms/settings fr the girls to film different kinds of scenes in n is looked up by a lot of ppl bt when asked why they look up to him, nobody ever rly seems to have an answer. jst...a shady figure. lana kind of.... went off the deep end lst semester n ended up deferring her next one after missing her big graded ballet recital. it’s a whole big mess n she’s wearin horse blinders to it. truly jst.... goin on holiday to ignore hw much she’s fuckin things up at school. queen of burying her head in the sand!
frm this point on ive jst pasted her old intro bc im the laziest woman alive n that’s jst life Babey
grew up in a big house in albany, NY, bt also spent time all over the place n was in the city a lot
okay so her mum is an old money socialite / three time campaign model way back when n her dad is a big record label mogul. he owns a label called jameson records n they repped a few big rock bands back in the eighties, altho they’re mostly known for ‘poppy injects’ whose lead singer had a big heroin scandal tht brought down his career. lana p much grew up around musicians snorting lines instead of spooning down cereal fr breakfast n her parents were v much absent her whole life
they’re pretty well off obviously n bc of her relation to such a big music industry figure she’s hung out w a fair few relatively high rep ppl thru her teens. she amassed kind of an instagram following mainly fr her style (v penny lane-esque in some aspects aka lots of fur cuff trimmed jackets bt then also jst…. a wild combination of everything honestly. pastel faux fur coats, seventies style platforms, flame red cowboy boots, pastel coloured fishnet tights n glitter used like highlight Everywhere) n bc she’s undeniably very pretty
her parents always kind of jst… didn’t like her. it was v clear that she was an accident after her older brother caleb n that even when they just had him alone they weren’t cut out for parenthood. they always kind of jst… ignored her n hoped she’d go away. she had to mke herself microwave meals when she ws only like 12 bc they’d forget to get her anything. once she went like 6 days without her mum even looking her in the eyes once
despite this tho!!! she’s always been insanely close w her brother caleb. he’s her whole world. thts why when he decided to sign up to the army she ws understandably scared bt supported him regardless. bt then he wound up getting discharged under grounds of severe ptsd when he witnessed his best friend die in an explosion tht took place in a shock raid. caleb returned home n he was never the same n lana kind of felt like he’d died out there too. he’s in n out of hospital a lot n it’s rly hard on her bt she doesn’t tlk abt it to anyone rly
growing up lana was always a huge social butterfly. jst literally…. knew everyone n everyone definitely knew her. she ws one of those girls tht ws kind of impossible to ignore or forget. very animated, always made u feel like u were the centre of the universe whenever she spoke to u, always made it feel like u were best friends even if ud only spoken to her once. she has this magnetic way abt her tht is kind of hard to find in real life. it’s something ud only rly expect out of a movie character
she’s always been insatiably spontaneous n adventurous. always doing something weird n wild every weekend. she has ten thousand stories tht always earn a laugh or a gasp over how ridiculously absurd they r
anyway so after caleb got back he was rly withdrawn n depressed. he shut lana out n was kind of harsh to her a lot of the time, always telling her to leave him alone or pushing her away. it didnt help either tht lana had a rly traumatic experience w some of her dad’s colleagues at the label when she ws 16 n he was away n she cldnt even tell him abt it once he was bk bc of his own traumas. she kind of jst shut it all in n kept it to herself
this obviously?? made her spiral a lot. she was already a girl tht loved sex (she’d only rly done foreplay before tho) but since her trauma it got…. completely out of hand. it got to a point where she couldnt rly go 2 days without it, probably not even 1. her lowest point has probably been scrolling thru craiglist for anonymous encounters n meeting up w strangers on there fr a quick fuck jst for the thrill even tho it’s insanely dangerous n she cld wind up getting herself killed. it’s v clear at this point tht she has a sex addiction whether she’s ever admitted it or not. in fact she’s so… shameless in her endeavours tht she’s actually currently having an affair w her ballet instructor tanya who’s engaged to b married
she also currently? is working as a cam girl. she found this website bc she trawls… porn stuff a lot n she wound up applying to work as one bc she thought it’d b fun n wld earn her some disposal income (even tho she frankly doesn’t need it bc she’s already well off). the guy tht manages all of the girls on the site is kind of suspect n it’s a whole plot i’m gna unravel where it’s actually like the front for a cult or something wild so. stay posted ig. kgjdkgjh
new development!!!!!!!! cue me trottin around doin jazz hands. she’s actually been cut off by her dad so she’s….. living off the money she has left n has to look to find a job which is jst. a nightmare fr someone like lana bc she’s insatiably irresponsible n destined to be fired from anything she tries to hold down bt. it’ll be interesting bc this means she genuinely has to keep on camming even tho she’s starting not to want to any more bc of other circumstances i won’t elaborate on jst yet winks
personality/some fun facts: uncontrollably flirty. boundlessly confident. cld make a joke out a paper bag n her comedy is sometimes surreal / absurd. she tends to laugh when she feels like crying n has a smile brighter than a ray of texas sunshine. always dapples her fingers thru the breeze when she’s driving in a car w the window down. her fav book as a child used to b alice in wonderland n she’d fantasise abt having her own little wonderland too where everyone knew her name n asked her things n took her on adventures. at the time it didn’t rly strike her how evident it was tht that was bc she was so lonely. she almost always has some sort of sweet on her, whether it’s strawberry laces or gummy bears or cherry lollipops. she adores david bowie n prince n madonna n anyone tht’s a vintage style icon w little care fr what ppl think. wildflowers r her favourites bc they’re the brightest and u can’t buy them. she’s had like 8472493874 ‘relationships’ n none of them hav lasted beyond a month / hav been terrible / hav seen her being treated badly / she’s cheated on them. i dnt think she’s actually been w anyone she hasn’t cheated on in some form or another
plot ideas: exes tht lana’s fucked over hideously. she’d probably cheat a lot and it’d be a whole…mess. mayb someone tht flipped the switch and cheated on her? a cousin plot cld b fun too. a friend tht lana fel out w bc she slept w their significant other. someone tht’s getting lana into drugs?? she’s kind of impressionable/down for anything so tht’s a likely scenario she’d get into tbh. an unrequited crush!! (either way is cool). someone tht is just hanging out w her/using her bc she has a lot of instagram followers or they want to b signed to her dad’s label. someone in a band!! she’d probably make like penny lane n b their groupie/sleep w them all fgjkshgkh. umm a good influence too mayb? oh and a past summer romance/fling tht cld either have meant a lot or not have meant anything at all. bonus points if both of them hav a diff viewpoint on it. honestly?? anything is fine i cld ramble for days. let’s get wildt!
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lanasaved · 5 years
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cue me, clanking noisily at a nearby manhole as i attempt to scrabble my way bk out of the sewer like the stinky little rat tht i am. enchanté, ghouls! some of u might remember me (nai/from manchester so i pronounce things like a gallagher brother n i’m profusely sry abt it) bt if nt i hd to drop off the face of the Earth rp wise fr a hot minute there bt now im bk n i couldn’t resist reviving lana so???? here we r. u kno the drill more abt her under the cut!!
( cis-female ) haven’t seen LANA JAMESON around in a while. the KRISTINE FROSETH lookalike has been known to be (+) VIVACIOUS & (+) ALLURING, but SHE can also be (-) UNRELIABLE & (-) CARELESS. The 22 year old is a SOPHOMORE majoring in BALLET. I believe they’re living in AUDAX but I popped by earlier and no one answered the door. ( nai. 22. gmt. she/ha/the beast from split. )
some random aesthetics: a red water pistol topped up with caribbean rum and covered in stickers of cartoon pin up girls, a vinyl record whirring silently because you got too distracted by a stranger’s hands to reach over and flip sides, giant inflatable flamingos floating in the aftermath of a pool party, smudgy lipstick kisses left like an autograph on someone else’s mirror
SO i think in terms of explainin where she’s been fr the past month i’m gna say tht she didn’t rly.... tell a lot of ppl??? probably only a select few bt to others im guessin she was pretty vague bc she hates discussin anythin serious/personal. anyway essentially she’s been back @ home helpin her brother out n i won’t elaborate much more bc im a thot
frm this point on ive jst pasted her old intro bc im the laziest woman alive n that’s jst life Babey
she’s local to the ny area i jst havent decided where exactly she grew up tbh. probably somewhere upstate
okay so her mum is an old money socialite / three time campaign model way back when n her dad is a big record label mogul. he owns a label called jameson records n they repped a few rly big rock bands back in the eighties, altho they’re mostly known for ‘poppy injects’ whose lead singer had a big heroin scandal tht brought down his career. lana p much grew up around musicians snorting lines instead of spooning down cereal fr breakfast n her parents were v much absent her whole life
they’re pretty well off obviously n bc of her relation to such a big music industry figure she’s hung out w a fair few relatively high rep ppl thru her teens. she amassed kind of an instagram following mainly fr her style (v penny lane-esque in some aspects aka lots of fur cuff trimmed jackets bt then also jst.... a wild combination of everything honestly. pastel faux fur coats, seventies style platforms, flame red cowboy boots, pastel coloured fishnet tights n glitter used like highlight Everywhere) n bc she’s undeniably very pretty
her parents always kind of jst… didn’t like her. it was v clear that she was an accident after her older brother caleb n that even when they just had him alone they weren’t cut out for parenthood. they always kind of jst… ignored her n hoped she’d go away. she had to mke herself microwave meals when she ws only like 12 bc they’d forget to get her anything. once she went like 6 days without her mum even looking her in the eyes once
despite this tho!!! she’s always been insanely close w her brother caleb. he’s her whole world. thts why when he decided to sign up to the army she ws understandably scared bt supported him regardless. bt then he wound up getting discharged under grounds of severe ptsd when he witnessed his best friend die in an explosion tht took place in a shock raid. caleb returned home n he was never the same n lana kind of felt like he’d died out there too. he’s in n out of hospital a lot n it’s rly hard on her bt she doesn’t tlk abt it to anyone rly
growing up lana was always a huge social butterfly. jst literally…. knew everyone n everyone definitely knew her. she ws one of those girls tht ws kind of impossible to ignore or forget. very animated, always made u feel like u were the centre of the universe whenever she spoke to u, always made it feel like u were best friends even if ud only spoken to her once. she has this magnetic way abt her tht is kind of hard to find in real life. it’s something ud only rly expect out of a movie character
she’s always been insatiably spontaneous n adventurous. always doing something weird n wild every weekend. she has ten thousand stories tht always earn a laugh or a gasp over how ridiculously absurd they r
anyway so after caleb got back he was rly withdrawn n depressed. he shut lana out n was kind of harsh to her a lot of the time, always telling her to leave him alone or pushing her away. it didnt help either tht lana had a rly traumatic experience w some of her dad’s colleagues at the label when she ws 16 n he was away n she cldnt even tell him abt it once he was bk bc of his own traumas. she kind of jst shut it all in n kept it to herself
this obviously?? made her spiral a lot. she was already a girl tht loved sex (she’d only rly done foreplay before tho) but since her trauma it got…. completely out of hand. it got to a point where she couldnt rly go 2 days without it, probably not even 1. her lowest point has probably been scrolling thru craiglist for anonymous encounters n meeting up w strangers on there fr a quick fuck jst for the thrill even tho it’s insanely dangerous n she cld wind up getting herself killed. it’s v clear at this point tht she has a sex addiction whether she’s ever admitted it or not. in fact she’s so… shameless in her endeavours tht she’s actually currently having an affair w her ballet instructor tanya who’s engaged to b married
she also currently? is working as a cam girl. she found this website bc she trawls… porn stuff a lot n she wound up applying to work as one bc she thought it’d b fun n wld earn her some disposal income (even tho she frankly doesn’t need it bc she’s already well off). the guy tht manages all of the girls on the site is kind of suspect n it’s a whole plot i’m gna unravel where it’s actually like the front for a cult or something wild so. stay posted ig. kgjdkgjh
new development!!!!!!!! cue me trottin around doin jazz hands. she’s actually been cut off by her dad so she’s….. living off the money she has left n has to look to find a job which is jst. a nightmare fr someone like lana bc she’s insatiably irresponsible n destined to be fired from anything she tries to hold down bt. it’ll be interesting bc this means she genuinely has to keep on camming even tho she’s starting not to want to any more bc of other circumstances i won’t elaborate on jst yet winks
personality/some fun facts: uncontrollably flirty. boundlessly confident. cld make a joke out a paper bag n her comedy is sometimes surreal / absurd. she tends to laugh when she feels like crying n has a smile brighter than a ray of texas sunshine. always dapples her fingers thru the breeze when she’s driving in a car w the window down. her fav book as a child used to b alice in wonderland n she’d fantasise abt having her own little wonderland too where everyone knew her name n asked her things n took her on adventures. at the time it didn’t rly strike her how evident it was tht that was bc she was so lonely. she almost always has some sort of sweet on her, whether it’s strawberry laces or gummy bears or cherry lollipops. she adores david bowie n prince n madonna n anyone tht’s a vintage style icon w little care fr what ppl think. wildflowers r her favourites bc they’re the brightest and u can’t buy them. she’s had like 8472493874 ‘relationships’ n none of them hav lasted beyond a month / hav been terrible / hav seen her being treated badly / she’s cheated on them. i dnt think she’s actually been w anyone she hasn’t cheated on in some form or another
plot ideas: exes tht lana’s fucked over hideously. she’d probably cheat a lot and it’d be a whole…mess. mayb someone tht flipped the switch and cheated on her? a cousin plot cld b fun too. a friend tht lana fel out w bc she slept w their significant other. someone tht’s getting lana into drugs?? she’s kind of impressionable/down for anything so tht’s a likely scenario she’d get into tbh. an unrequited crush!! (either way is cool). someone tht is just hanging out w her/using her bc she has a lot of instagram followers or they want to b signed to her dad’s label. someone in a band!! she’d probably make like penny lane n b their groupie/sleep w them all fgjkshgkh. umm a good influence too mayb? oh and a past summer romance/fling tht cld either have meant a lot or not have meant anything at all. bonus points if both of them hav a diff viewpoint on it. honestly?? anything is fine i cld ramble for days. let’s get wildt!
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