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#because he does make me insane. hashtag girl. im trying to be the smartest and calculated i have ever been with a relationship in my life
strwbrymlkshake
ยท
1 year
Text
Why can't I be satisfied with everything? It needs to be perfect to me and I can't accept anything otherwise :(
#mine
#oh boy here we go. guy last post was about has been pretty cool and i got flustered around him a few times
#but i feel bad bc. i need m o r e he isnt insane enough he isnt making me go absolutely crazy i want to be satisfied but im NOT im sorry
#like its quite honestly the most attention acceptance etc ive gotten but its not ENOUGH he doesnt die whenever i send a selfie
#im never satisfied WHY i have unrealistic expectations !!!! i hate my brain killing and violence and death etc
#i get crushes on guys who want nothing to do with me but then when one actually wants me its not enough? what is wrong with me
#thrill of the chase? i cant accept being loved? what is it brain. christ almighty. im not doing anything like deliberately yandere related
#anymore im just being generally incomprehensibly mentally ill ๐ still trying to find a therapist but idk how on earth ill explain that
#ill update this post tomorrow with more insanity but for now i am the sleepy tired
#// ok its now 3 days later i dont feel like making another post. i think i was just having a mental illness moment as always
#because he does make me insane. hashtag girl. im trying to be the smartest and calculated i have ever been with a relationship in my life
#like im thinkin about it so hard bro. the future n shit. how would this relationship go. im so scared ill do something wrong its preventing
#me from doing things RIGHT. im sad becaude i flipped out today over even imagining him being upset with me a little
#so i was really embarrassed and it put me in a weird mood for the rest of the night but he reassured me he doesnt hate me or want me to die
#every one aaalways says theyre different. i can only hope this one is telling the truth. i dont know what ill do if he isnt.
#well i need to stop whining about fictional scenarios and focus on the good stuff in reality. i get along with him very well and he
#is very niceys to me :3 he doesnt think im fucking insane or stupid for overreacting. i feel very comfortable gossiping and talking w him
#every long time blog viewer of mine reading this like ah shit here we go again
#but thats what im here for. i guess. just have to keep doing this shit until something good finally happens to me romantically hngh
#i feel so strange because i have wanted and yearned for a relationship but now that i actually could have one im like WAIT
#I DIDNT THINK ID GET THIS FAR ๐๐๐ bruh. and he doesnt even think im stupid hes respectful to me he checks in on me all the time
#like perhaps the only person to ever actually almost match my energy in a romantic sense. there was [redacted] i guess but he didnt love me
#he listens to me talk about my problems he doesnt think i complain or overreact too much. all the ridiculous cringe shit i do
#he doesnt mind it. its nice to be able to be myself. and im really proud of myself for not rushing into a relationship right away
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