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btsslowburnfic · 3 years

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The Arrangement Chapter 9

Series Summary: Desperately in need of money, you answered the questionable ad. AKA-Arranged marriage AU featuring Y/N and Yoongi.

Chapter Summary: Getting your bearings at BigHit

Previous chapter here ---------------------------

It’s fine it’s fine, Yoongi kept repeating to himself this morning after you had left to go to the security office. I’m not even home that often, it’s not her fault. He slipped on a t-shirt and jeans and went downstairs. He put his dishes away and looked in the foyer. Two suitcases and a backpack were sitting there. He couldn’t believe this was all you had. That’s it. He sighed and picked up the bags, wheeling them over to the guest bedroom. He looked around the room and frowned. He would need to order a few more blankets. He took out his phone and ordered some quickly. He walked into the guest bathroom. No towels. He placed an order for those as well. Even if you ended up living somewhere else, it was good to have extra towels and blankets, he reasoned with himself.

He checked his calendar and yours. You should still be in the security office with Namjoon. He had already texted Hobi earlier.

Y:WTF dude, I thought you were my friend

JHOOOOOOPE: I brought a nice looking girl to your house, how is that not nice **angel**

Y: You can’t just drop someone off into someone else’s house without asking!

JHOOOOOOPE: It’s not my fault no one told you. I was told to deliver your new assistant to your apartment because you needed her to be available to whims at all times. I do what I’m told like every other person who works here. **shrug** it could be worse. I could use an assistant. Send her my way if it doesn’t work **Grin**

Y: >=(

Yoongi walked off the Elevator and saw Namjoon’s smug face there "What the hell is wrong with you?" Yoongi growled, walking up to him. He was surprised he didn’t see you anywhere.

"Not now Yoongi, I have a meeting in 15 minutes." Namjoon sighed. That fucking prick.

"You just dropped a girl into my house without telling me and think I'm not going to have something to say about it?"

"You knew she was starting today. You agreed that the two of you were going through with all of this. What did you think that meant? Huh?" Namjoon said, almost bored.

"Why don't I get a say in any of this?" Yoongi raised his voice, exasperated.

"You did. You picked her." Namjoon said calmly as he pushed the up button on the elevator.

"This is such bullshit!" he yelled. You walked around the corner, surprising him.

The elevator for Namjoon arrived and he got on it, not bothering to look back.

You walked closer to Yoongi. "Hey. I'm sorry this was a surprise for you. It was to me too. I thought I would be in a dorm with a bunch of other girls." You gave him a sympathetic look.

He took off his hat and ran his hands through his hair. "I'm sorry it's not you. It's just...ughhh…" He put the hat back on.

"Really. It's fine. It seems like Namjoon isn't interested in our opinions though, huh? I'm a good roommate. I'm quiet and I clean up after myself. And I can cook."

Yoongi wasn’t angry at you, so his feelings had morphed into pouting at this point. "It's fine I put your bags in the guest bedroom." He pushed a button on the elevator. He sighed

"Thanks Yoongi." you said, standing next to him.

“And I can cook too. So don’t think that’s part of your job or anything.”

“Now what kind of wife would I be if I didn’t cook for you,” You teased as the doors opened up. You were surprised to see him blushing. He hit the button for the 12th floor, feeling like a total idiot.

You looked so cute and professional. He tried to not think about the fact you had seen him in his underwear that morning. He looked down, mumbling something, hoping you wouldn’t notice how embarrassed he was. He was eager to just get to his studio. He understood abstractly that the two of you would be spending time together but now that it was actually happening, he felt awkward and shy. And vaguely annoyed by everyone else. He got off the elevator with you following. “What are you doing exactly?” He turned and asked.

“I’m your assistant. I’m supposed to help you. Do I have a desk or anything? There wasn’t really an orientation. There isn’t anything on the calendar for the rest of the day.”

“Oh. Ok. Umm take the rest of the day off…? Go unpack?” He shrugged.

You scowled. “That doesn’t seem particularly helpful especially since you want me to move out.”

Yoongi sighed and continued to move down the hallway, “You don’t need to do that. There,” he pointed. “That’s Jiwoo. She’s the office manager for this floor. Ask her if she knows anything. I need to get to my studio.”

You had so many more questions but you didn’t want to bother Yoongi.“Ok. See you later.” You turned and walked over to the woman he had indicated to.

Yoongi continued on to his studio. He had no idea if you had a desk or not. He hadn’t really put thought into it. He cursed himself for not thinking to ask Namjoon about any of this. He detested appearing as though he didn’t know something, which unfortunately meant he hadn’t asked questions when he should have. Oh well. He hoped Jiwoo could straighten it out. Otherwise he would later today. He typed in his pass code and walked into his studio. Fortunately he felt inspired this morning and went straight for his notebook.

“Hello. Excuse me?” You said as you walked up to the desk of the woman who had been identified to you as the office manager. She appeared to be older than you; her hair cut into a bob, she also had super cute glasses. She looked up.

“Yes, can I help you with something?”

“I’m Mr. Min’s new assistant, [Y/N]. Today is my first day and nobody really seems sure what to do with me.”

She laughed. “That doesn’t surprise me at all. They all do a great job with the big picture around here. But the details? That’s my specialty.” She stood up. “Follow me. Your desk is over here, near the lounge area. It’s a little noisy, but it’s across from the coffee maker. Which is important because Min Yoongi loves coffee.”

“Yes, thank you. That is like one of the only things I do know.” You smiled, grateful for any help.

“You don’t have a company laptop yet. I would expect it by Monday. You can do most things via the App though. If something does come up, let me know and we can work something out. Now, if you walk around the corner here,” she led the way. “We have some empty studios. If you ever need to rent space for any reason, they are available under the App. Mr. Min has his own studio so you shouldn’t need to book any spots unless you are helping with a collaborator. Speaking of, here is his studio. Good luck with that.” She pointed down to the doormat which had a cat flipping you both off. You laughed. You looked at the plate by the door. “Min Suga. Genius Lab.”

“Humble. Nice.” You pointed at the placard.

“He is really good though.” She said thoughtfully. She began to move down the rest of the hallway, pointing out the restrooms and arriving back at her desk. “Also, don’t wait up on him. He’s in there most of the time. Follow your calendar. If you try to follow his, you’ll never sleep or you’ll end up with a sleeping disorder. Seriously. He sleeps in there sometimes.” She sat back down at her desk.

Your eyes bugged out a little bit at this. Damn that was some dedication. You hoped he at least had a futon in there then. Jeeze. “Alright. Thanks so much. I appreciate it.”

You almost wished you would have kept your desk plant now, looking at the empty space. You had a few office items in the bags in Yoongi’s house but nothing really worth going back for. A message popped up on your phone. **ORDER READY MIN YOONGI #2983627** You clicked on it. Apparently there was an order at the store ready for Yoongi. Because there was a store in the company building. Huh. Ok. I guess this is part of my job now. You looked up where the store was and headed down to the 2nd floor. It appeared to be a multipurpose grocery and home-goods store with also a few clothing items. Looking around you found the *Pick up online order* section and walked over. You queued up and recognized the perfectly coiffed blonde hair of Namjoon’s assistant.

You gave him a light tap on the shoulder. “Hey!”

Jimin turned around, surprised to see the girl from the interview last week standing behind him. “Hey you.” He smiled, “so you got the job?”

You nodded. “Yep. Sorry again about last week. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

He laughed, his eyes turning into adorable crescent-moons “I’m sorry I literally yelled “shit” at you. So I think we’re even.” He stuck out a hand, “Park Jimin. Nice to officially meet you.” You shook it. “I see you have figured out some stuff. You’ll be on the 14th floor with Yoongi right?”

“Yep. I just got my desk. That’s it. The rest of the day doesn’t have anything and he hasn't given me anything to do yet.”

Jimin turned to move forward in line, with you following suit. He turned back, “Well Yoongi hasn’t had an assistant before but if he’s anything like Namjoon he’ll figure out a million things for you to do soon. Once they get used to it they forget how to even use food delivery apps or how to do their own laundry.” He shook his head. “To clarify: I don’t do his laundry. I coordinate the dry cleaning.”

“And here I was imagining you washing Namjoon’s undies.” You teased, causing him to laugh some more.

“Noooo stop. I don’t want that mental image.” Jimin licked his lips. “If you’re not doing anything later you should join me and Tae for drinks. Not at Club Tokki.” You raised your eyebrows. “Sorry, I peeked at your resume. Think about it and let me know.” He cut the conversation short as it was his turn in line. He concluded his business at the counter quickly. He turned around, carrying a few paper bags. “I’ll see you around.”

You waved, “Alright, I’ll text you about later.” It felt so nice to be included on your first day. He seemed fun. You stepped up and held the QR code up for them to scan. You were handed two paper bags and a larger plastic one. You took them and stepped aside, reading the stapled receipt paper. **PINK TOWELS X 4** on one of the bags. **QUEEN SIZE BLANKET WHITE X 2** on the larger one. He bought me blankets and towels!?!?! You took the bags back to the apartment. Yoongi had taken your bags and put them nicely in the corner of your room. You were pretty sure this stuff was for the guest bedroom and bathroom but you didn’t want to seem presumptuous.

YN: Hey! I picked up your order from the store. Where should I put the towels and blankets?

You waited a few minutes, unpacking one of your bags.

Y: Those are for you. The washing machine is upstairs in the hallway.

YN: Thank you so much. Pink is my favorite color!

Y: :]

You went and started a load of towels and continued to unpack. Holy shit. This was weird. You went back upstairs with the blankets. The upstairs loft area had a more lived in feel to it, with blankets strewn over a black couch, a large tv, and a video game system. There was also a keyboard in the corner. There was a short hallway containing a closet and the washer and dryer. You assumed the door at the end of the hallway led to his room. You were a very private person yourself, so you weren’t about to intrude on that. You honestly felt weird being in the loft area, it felt as though the lower level was for show and this was where Yoongi actually lived.

You moved some more laundry around and decided to head back to the office. You still weren’t sure about joining Jimin for drinks tonight. You decided you would wait and see what the laundry status was. You set a timer on your phone and went back to the office. You stopped by the lounge area and made a coffee for yourself while preparing a coffee for Yoongi. Another ping on your phone.

***EVENT ADDED SATURDAY 6 PM***

Retirement Party for Lee Soobin Akioko Flame Restaurant

The espresso stopped dripping. You added the water and then poured it over ice. You walked over to the studio and gave the door a knock. No answer.

You huffed in slight irritation while trying to get your phone out one-handed.

YN: It’s me. I have coffee.

Y: Leave it by the door.

YN: :( But someone could kick it over

Yoongi took off his hat and ran a hand through his hair and sighed.

Y: Give me a minute.

He got to what he deemed was a good stopping point and walked over to the door, opening it the slightest bit.

“Here you go.” You handed him the iced coffee.

He took it, eyeing you suspiciously. “What?” You said, exasperated. You had lovingly hand-crafted this brew.

“You like shitty coffee so I’m worried.” He took a sip. His eyebrows went up. “This is not shitty. This is good. Where did you get it from?” He noticeably relaxed, the doorway opening slightly more.

“I made it using the espresso maker in the break room.” You said. “I worked in a coffee shop before I was old enough to work in bars. Shitty coffee has to do more with sleep deprivation than actual preferences.”

“True true.” He said, his lips pouting as he took another sip. The sound of a phone ringing in the studio cut through the air. He scowled, making no attempt to answer it.

“Is that your work phone?” You asked.

“Yes. I imagine it’s Jimin or one of BPD’s assistants.”

“So...shouldn’t you answer it?” You asked.

Yoongi shrugged and walked into his office, not bothering to shut the door. You took this as a slight invitation and followed him in. You took a brief look around before the phone rang again and you identified it’s location. You walked over and picked it up. “Genius Lab. This is [Y/N] speaking.”

Yoongi turned around to ask what the fuck you were doing but then you had sounded so professional, he just plopped down in his work chair instead, a dumbfounded look on his face.

“I’m not sure. I’ll find out and get back with you. What’s the number?” You took out your phone and typed the information in. “Ok yes. Thank you.” You hung up the phone.

“What are you doing exactly?” He asked. You weren’t sure if he was angry, amused, or confused. He was difficult to read sometimes.

You smirked. “Being your assistant. Would you like me to have this phone forward to mine so it doesn’t ring in here?”

Yoongi’s eyes grew slightly wider, “You can do that?”

“Yep. There’s an app for it.” You responded, happy some of your previous office experience actually translated to this position.

“Yes. Please God yes.” He said quickly.

You laughed, setting up the forwarding application. You picked up the phone to see what the number of the studio was. “Alright. I can at least triage some of the calls for you.” You said, satisfied with yourself. “Also. Ew.” You eyed a few take-out containers and coffee cups. “I’m coming back for...this.” You gestured to the room and excused yourself to get a trash bag.

Yoongi sat there slightly dazed. He rarely let anyone into his studio and yet you had just come in, fixed his phone anxiety issue, and also scolded him. He scrolled through his phone, seeing the event on Saturday. It was annoying but maybe it wouldn’t be so bad with you and J-Hope there. Maybe. Even if it all was a stupid pretend performance.

You retrieved a trash bag from the break room and came back. You started cleaning without saying anything. It was becoming obvious that Jiwoo had spoken the truth, Yoongi really did spend most of his time in here. You made your way around the surfaces, throwing trash away. To your shock, Yoongi just sat there, drinking his coffee and scrolling through his phone.

“Thanks again for the towels and blankets. It was very thoughtful of you.”

“No problem.”

“Are we going to the party on Saturday?”

Yoongi looked up at you, “Sure.”

And just like that, you had committed to your first event at BigHit. “Alright, I’ll let Jin know.”

Yoongi shifted in his seat slightly, “is that who called?”

“Yeah.”

“Cool. Has he hit on you yet?”He asked casually, belying the fact that he was actually very interested in how you would react to the infamous flirt.

You giggled. You were almost all the way done tidying up. “Of course. Have you seen his face? He had to let me know how in demand it is at all times.” You rolled your eyes. “Yeah, him and Namjoon stopped by the bar last week. Idiots.”

“Agreed.” Yoongi felt his body become more at ease with your answer. He didn’t know why he cared.

You looked around the spartan room. “Alright. I’m all done. Do you need anything else?”

Yoongi put his phone down. “Just to get back to my writing.”

You were so very curious but you didn’t want to intrude. “Sure thing. See you later.” You picked up your trash bag and left the room, shutting the door behind you. You were honestly surprised at how easy your day had been so far. You sat the trash bag down by your cubicle, unsure of where to deposit it. A text to Jiwoo about the dumpster and an RSVP to Jin about the party on Saturday and your day was almost done. You dropped the garbage off on your way to the apartment to switch out laundry. You were getting tired.

YN: Hey! I’m going to take a rain check for tonight. I am so tired and I still need to unpack ;-; I do want to though, so don’t think I’m blowing you off. Lunch tomorrow?

JM: Shit I totally forgot you would need to unpack and everything. Sorry. No worries. Also, check your schedule, we have a huge design meeting around lunch time so they will most likely have it catered. I’ll buy you a drink on Saturday if you actually get Yoongi to attend.

You raised your eyebrows. It was on the schedule clear as day, on you and Yoongi’s calendar. Why wouldn’t he attend?

YN: Of course he’ll be there. Why wouldn’t he be?

JM: HAHAHAHA good luck. See you tomorrow!

It was already after five so you didn’t bother going back down to the office. You finished the laundry and finished your unpacking. And then you stood in the apartment just staring. The sun had gone down and the windows had a lovely view of the city. You could see part of the river and one of the many lit up bridges. You turned on the kitchen light. Shit. You had no idea what the food situation looked like here. Your stomach growled. You took some rice out of the cooker, leaving enough for Yoongi and sat at the countertop.

You opened up your personal email. You had paid the dorm deposit for your brother, using your “disappear in the middle of the night and change your name again” emergency fund to pay for it. It had scared the shit out of you to pull all your money from savings and you still were secretly afraid that the job was lying about how much money it would pay you. Before you knew it, it was 9.

YN: Hey, I ate some of the rice but I don’t want to just go through your kitchen. Do you want me to order or make anything?

No response. Ok. He was probably busy. You rifled through the cabinets. If his office was any indicator there should be at least a few ramyeon packs you could eat and replace. Bingo. You made a spicy prawn one and texted one more time.

YN: I owe you a spicy prawn ramyeon pack. Thanks again for everything. See you tomorrow.

You set the coffee maker for the next day and brush your teeth. You nestled into your new bed complete with one of your new fluffy blankets. You couldn't remember the last time you had your own bedroom. It was before your sister was born. The two of you had always shared a room. And then 7 years ago you started sharing a room with her and your niece. You took a deep breath, feeling as though you were letting 7 years of bullshit go all at once. If only it were all so simple. NEXT CHAPTER @lidda @anpanman-sonyeondan @firefairy1 @cuteipat @sugaslittlekookies @janeelizabeth1216 @deeepvibes @gxldenhunny

#bts fic #BTS suga #bts scenarios #bts suga x you #suga x you #suga x reader #suga x y/n #yoongi scenarios #bts yoongi #yoongi x reader #yoongi x you #bts yoongi x reader #bts fanfction #bts fanfic #bts writing

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jesterwife · 2 years

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lucky (buddy pine/zinnia flynn)

Things were fuzzy when Zinnia first opened her eyes. She couldn’t hear the commotion of the supervillain attack anymore, only soft keyboard clicks. Hadn’t she just been with Mr. Incredible and Elastigirl? They were fighting Syndrome again, she swore she remembered having her camera out. Had it just been a vivid dream? Before she had time to wonder about anything else, a voice rang out in the room.

“Good morning, Flynn!” Lazily moving her head to the right, Zinnia watched Syndrome levitate himself into the room. Landing directly in front of her, he chuckled cruelly. “Enjoy your nap?”

“Nap...?” Zinnia trailed off. Had she fallen asleep? Slowly gaining more awareness of her surroundings, she frantically looked around the room. Mr. Incredible and Elastigirl were nowhere to be found. Even more concerning was the fact that her arms were stuck behind her back—two large, heavy metal balls covered her hands and prevented any movement. Realizing just how dangerous her situation was, she began struggling against the restraints, her breaths becoming rapid and shallow. “Where did you take me? How long have I been out?!” She cried, trying and failing to yank her hands free.

“We’re in a warehouse at the edge of town. It’s been abandoned for a while, so I use it as a tiny spare base. As for how long you’ve been out, not even an hour. I’d say the supers are probably on their way right now, as a matter of fact.” He smirked.

Zinnia’s shoulders drooped, releasing tension she didn’t realize she’d been holding.

“Don’t let that lull you into a sense of security.” Syndrome sneered. “You and your little escapades have been quite the pain in my ass lately, and that ends right here, right now.”

“...You’re going to kill me?” She squeaked out, her moment of relief quickly morphing back into genuine fear.

“Yeesh, no, relax.” He laughed. “I’m not gonna kill you unless you say something that gives me a reason to. How’s that sound?”

Zinnia swallowed hard, glancing down to avoid any eye contact with Syndrome. She took a deep breath in an effort to conceal her nerves. “I-I don’t think there’s any reason.” She paused, mentally cursing herself for stuttering. “To kill me, I mean.”

Syndrome’s eyes narrowed. “I can think of a potential one. You’ve spent an awful lot of time around the Incredibles lately! All the battles I’ve had with them recently, you’ve been there—snapping pictures, taking notes, running around the scene, talking to them in private—who are you?” He demanded. “Some kind of personal assistant? A super in training? Someone Mr. Incredible took under his wing?” He pressed.

Zinnia stared back at him, incredulous. “Literally none of those things. I’m just a journalist, I don’t work with them at all. God, you’re pretty paranoid, aren’t you?” she quipped, letting out a bewildered laugh.

He scowled back at her. “Best to not push your luck with those kinds of comments, Flynn.” He spat. “Besides, why waste your time following them around? The last thing Mr. Incompetent needs is his ego being stroked.”

For a second, Zinnia wondered why he had specifically been mentioning Mr. Incredible as opposed to the rest of the family, but decided it’d be safer not to question it. “I guess part of me agrees, at this point. I’ve been trying to do a story on his family for a while now, but he and Elastigirl always say they don’t trust the paper to paint them in a good enough light. Because of...something that happened before the ban, I think? I don’t know.”

“See, that’s the thing with supers,” Syndrome began. “It’s always about how they appear to people, haven’t you noticed that? All that matters is that squeaky-clean public image.”

“I guess.” Zinnia replied. “So I try to do my own research instead, and they don’t like that either. They’re constantly getting on my ass for ‘putting myself in harm’s way.’ But, it’s like—I’m an adult, y’know? Trying to get a good view of the fight for my article isn’t gonna kill me.” She snickered. “Unless something like this happens, of course.”

“I already said I wasn’t gonna kill you, Flynn. You sound almost paranoid.” Syndrome grinned.

“You didn’t say that, but okay.”

“Anyway,” He continued. “They think they know what’s best for everyone who isn’t born ‘special.’ Any contribution to their work isn’t necessary if you don’t have powers of your own. I mean, seriously, I invented my first pair of rocket boots when I was ten and Mr. Inconsiderable still thought he was too good for me!”

His words clicked in Zinnia’s brain. Mr. Incredible was—or at least, used to be—important to Syndrome for sure. Feeling that she was in a secure enough position, she decided to ask about it this time. “Wait, what do you mean?”

“Well,” He began. “When I was a kid, I actually wanted to be Mr. Incredible’s sidekick.” Zinnia blinked in surprise at him. “I know, right? Anyway, I had all these inventions, gadgets that he could’ve put to good use fighting crime, but he didn’t want anything to do with them. Didn’t want anything to do with me. So he tossed me aside and treated me like I was less than, just because I didn’t have powers. And, you know, you don’t need powers to be powerful! I mean, I’m living proof of that!” He exclaimed. “The only reason Mr. Insufferable gives me the time of day now is because I’m a threat to him. So I guess it’ll just have to stay that way! Better to be feared than not noticed at all, right?!” Storming away from Zinnia, he pinched the bridge of his nose and inhaled sharply, trying to calm down.

“You okay over there?” Came Zinnia’s timid voice.

Syndrome turned back to her, visibly confused. “Why am I even telling you this?”

Zinnia shrugged in response. “Kinda seems like you needed to tell someone. I don’t mind, though.”

“Whatever, Flynn.” He huffed back at her.

“You don’t have to keep calling me ‘Flynn.’ It sounds awkward.”

“Don’t care.”

“Alrighty, then.” Zinnia sighed. “Well, for what it’s worth, I was serious. I don’t mind listening if it means you’re not gonna do something horrible to me.”

“Put any of what I told you in your article and I will actually kill you, though.” Syndrome threatened.

“I wasn’t planning to.”

At this point, Syndrome struggled to remember what he wanted to do with Zinnia in the first place. She wasn’t a threat to him—or at least she said she wasn’t. What if she was lying? If she was that obsessed with chasing after the Incredibles for some article, she must’ve been lying, she must’ve been on their side, and now she was probably going to use all the information she’d gotten from him for her own benefit. As soon as he felt his temper flaring up, though, her remark rang out in his head. “God, you’re pretty paranoid, aren’t you?” He sighed deeply, in disbelief about what he was going to do.

“Listen,” Syndrome began. “I don’t—do this, so consider yourself lucky, alright? I’ve decided that hurting you...wouldn’t be worth the time or energy it would take.” He lied. “So I’m letting you go. I’ll disconnect the restraints and you can walk right out the door. No strings attached. Consider it a treat from me, m’kay?”

Zinnia’s brow furrowed. “What are you playing at?”

“Nothing. Honest.” Syndrome held his hands up. “I’m just gonna collect my things and make an escape out the back. Even if you have time to tell the supers, I’ll be far away from here.”

“You sure you don’t need a helping hand?” She joked.

“What, you’ve got a dark streak now, sweetheart?”

“Sweetheart?”

“Well, you didn’t like ‘Flynn’ very much.”

“It’s Zinnia. You could’ve asked for my name at any point.”

“In that case, yes, Zinnia, I’m sure I don’t need your help. You’d better get outta here before I change my mind about letting you off.” He turned on his heel and sauntered out of the room, a smile creeping onto his face as he left.

After a few beeps and a click, Zinnia’s restraints clunked to the ground.

#i'm planning to make a continuation of this but I Cannot as of now...#so here it is...more of my shame ...#buddy #angel eyes #fic

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libsterslobsters · 3 years

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What Is And What Should Never Be Pt 4

Summary: After what was supposed to be a week-long mission (but stretched on for over a month), during which she found out more about their "little stranger", the reader is more than happy to welcome Bucky home.

Also, I suck at summaries.

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x fem! enhanced! Super-soldier Reader

(Reader can see pieces of the future in visions as well as speak every language)

Warnings: Language, pregnancy, smut, fluff

PART 1

PART 2

PART 3

Series masterlist

--------------------------‐----------

“They should be calling me back soon.”

It’s not the ideal way of communicating with your husband while you’re waiting impatiently for an ultrasound in your OB-GYN’s office, but texting is all she has, so it’ll have to do. A week long mission has stretched into four and a half weeks, and although they can’t share phone calls (anyone could be listening in), texting has received the all-clear. She’s grateful that, for the sake of this doctor’s appointment, it’s nighttime in his part of the world, so he’s tucked safely away and can at least somewhat experience this with her.

“I’m gonna give these guys hell for making me miss the chance to spy on our girl.” She chuckles at the message on her screen before typing back her own.

“What are you going to do if it turns out we’re having a boy?” Since the day she told him she was pregnant, Bucky’s been convinced this baby is a girl, but they don’t know for sure. Despite trying her best to concentrate on anything her visions can tell her, she’s come up blank. For all they know, the “little miss” they’ve been talking to for the past few months is really a little mister.

“Teach him how to treat a lady instead of teaching her how to throw a punch.” She snickers. It’s a good response. Still-

“You do realize she’s the child of two super soldiers. She could have the worst right hook in the world, and the other person would still walk away with a black eye.”

“Barnes?” That jerks her attention away from her phone. The nurse is standing just outside the waiting area, eyes searching the room. On instinct, she glances around her, making sure no one has reacted to her last name. She’s not the most recognizable of the Avengers, but still, she’d rather not have the world know she visited the obstetrician today. If anyone has put two and two together, they’re doing a good job of hiding it so, readjusting her shirt in an attempt to hide her bump, she stands and follows the nurse out of the room.

For what feels like the millionth time, she gives her full name and date of birth. The nurse’s eyes widen in recognition, but other than that, she keeps it professional.

“Just wait in here, hon. Someone will be right with you, okay?”

“Thank you.”

The ultrasound room is small, barely more than a broom closet, but at least she’s away from prying eyes. So, she hops up on the table in preparation and takes advantage of the time alone to read the latest message.

“It’s still a valuable life skill. If she takes after her Mom, she’ll be a looker. I want her to be able to make people think twice before they forget their manners around her.” The message brings a smile to her face, but also makes tears prick at her vision.

“I wish you were here.” As quickly as she types the sentence, she erases it. He’s simply not able to be here, and that’s all there is to it. No need to make him feel bad about something he’s already beating himself up over.

The door opens, this time revealing the same ultrasound tech she met at her first appointment. There’s another round of name and date of birth, then settling onto her stool next to the machine, the tech asks,

“Did you want to know the gender if we’re able to tell today?” When they discussed it, she spent a solid fifteen minutes convincing Bucky that yes, this is a thing they can tell just from those black and white pictures, no she’s not pulling a prank on him, they can find out if they’re having a boy or a girl before the baby’s born. Ultimately they decided-

“Yes.”

It’s only the second time she’s been in this position, so everything is still relatively new. A warning about the gel being cold, the pressure of the ultrasound wand against her, and then the screen coming to life. This time around, the baby actually looks more like a baby instead of a blob, and as she watches, she sees a hand go up.

“You’re feeling movements at this point, right?” She nods. “Good.”

Starting at the head that still looks far too large, they work their way down the body, different images being captured over every organ. Then-

“Are you ready to find out if you’ve got a little boy or a little girl in there?”

She pulls up her phone and rapidly types, “About to find out he or she.” then answers.

“Yes.”

There’s a momentary pause, then-

“Congratulations. Looks like you have a little girl.” This time there’s no stopping it. The tears spill over.

“Sorry.” She swipes at her cheeks. The tech offers her a sympathetic smile and offers her a few tissues, which she readily accepts.

The scan goes on for a few more minutes, picture after picture being filed away. Finally, the wand is removed and the tech informs her,

“I’ll have to confirm with the doctor, but everything looks good. Did you want some pictures to take with you?”

“Yes, thank you. That would be great.”

The machine spits out a few images which are torn off and handed to her.

“I’ll give you some privacy to get cleaned up. Someone will be with you shortly to take you to an exam room, okay?”

“Thanks.”

The tech stands and starts towards the door. Hesitating just outside it, she turns.

“By the way, I couldn’t help but recognize the name on the file.” Oh. Here it goes. “I just wanted to say we really appreciate all you’ve done. The other Avengers too. My little girl loves to pretend that she’s the Soothsayer and runs around telling me, “Mom, I had a vision.” “

She laughs, a mental picture forming in her mind of a smaller version of the woman in front of her wearing a Halloween costume version of the Soothsayer uniform.

“That’s good to hear. I’ll pass the word along to the team.”

The tech disappears down the hall and she cleans herself up. Holding up the clearest ultrasound image, she snaps a picture and attaching it, texts, “It’s a girl.”

__________________________________________________________________________________

He’s been staring at his phone for the better part of the last four hours but still, Bucky can’t bear to look away. The picture isn’t the best, a little blurry around the edges, but it still has his full attention. That, and the text attached: “It’s a girl.”

“That thing’s gonna die on you if you don’t put it away soon.” He chuckles in response to Sam’s words.

“We’re only half an hour out. Somehow, I think I’ll make it.”

“What’re you staring at anyway?” He hesitates for a moment. Sam knows their big secret, as does Wanda, but so far no one else has caught on. Is it okay for him to share this? His gut tells him that it is, so he holds up his phone, careful to tip the screen so that only Sam can see it.

“Oh.” Immediate recognition blooms on his partner’s face. “That a recent one?”

“Yesterday.”

Not looking away, Sam continues.

“You know, I sorta thought you were joking before, trying to throw me off what’s really going on, but I guess it’s true.” His eyes narrow, and it’s obvious when he reads the text on the bottom. “A girl?”

Bucky couldn’t hold back his smile if he tried.

“A girl.” He would’ve been okay if his hunch turned out to be wrong, but now that he knows for sure that they have a daughter on the way, he’s excited. Excited… and terrified.

“Damn.” Sam chuckles. “It’s too bad you got rid of the long seventies hair. She could’ve put flowers in it when you play tea party with her.” He snickers. If this baby, his daughter, does indeed want him to have a tea party with her in a few years’ time, he’ll do it, and do it gladly. Hell, he’ll even wear a feather boa and funny hat if that’s what she wants. The world may think that his job is to be an Avenger, but he knows that his real job is at home, taking care of his two girls.

Eventually the never-ending flight home does indeed end and, after bidding Sam and the rest of their squad goodbye, he climbs into his car and starts the engine. He thinks about shooting her a text letting her know he’s on his way, but the clock on the dash reads four a.m., and he decides it’s best to let her sleep. She’ll more than likely wake up when he crawls into bed next to her anyway since she’s such a light sleeper.

As the miles pass, his weariness from the mission fades with them, quickly replaced with anticipation. During the war, when his buddies would hang onto the hope of receiving a letter from their sweethearts or wives and once the letter did arrive, keep it close to them, often inside their jacket pressed close against their hearts, he didn’t get it. Sure, there were people at home he missed, and even a few girls he’d had dates with who sent the occasional note, but these guys were so attached to that scrap of paper and the words scrawled across it that they’d read so often, they could recite them at the drop of a hat, and that it just didn’t make sense to him. Well, now it does. Instead of letters, he has texts and voicemails, a few pictures taken over the years of them together (or the occasional snapshot he’s sneaked when she wasn’t paying attention because really, it would be a crime not to capture how perfect she looked right then for all eternity), and most recently, the image of his unborn daughter. Whatever he’s had to do that day, whatever is weighing him down, he knows that it’s all for them, and that makes the load seem bearable.

Finally, he pulls into his driveway. Killing the engine, he climbs out, leaving his duffle bag full of dirty (and smelly) clothes to be dealt with tomorrow. Right now, he’s on a mission; infiltrate the house quietly, shower covertly, and then crawl into bed with his two girls.

Parts one and two of his plan go easily enough. He removes his shoes at the door to decrease the chances that she’ll hear his footsteps and takes the stairs agonizingly slowly. The guest bathroom is missing a few key items (like razors; god, he needs a shave), but it has soap and shampoo, so he’s able to shower. The one key element he forgot about is that he doesn’t have any clothes located in this part of the house but, as he tiptoes into their bedroom, he realizes he’s in luck. The closet door is open and- he stifles a chuckle- a pair of his pajamas is laid out on his side of the bed. Looks like she had a vision that he’d be coming home tonight. At least she didn’t wait up.

After tugging on the bottoms (he disregards the shirt; somehow, they always end up migrating towards the center of the bed, and with her so close to him, he’ll be more than warm enough), he pulls back the covers and eases into bed. Sure enough, she immediately snuggles closer, pressing her back against his chest. He’s not sure if she’s awake until-

“Welcome home, stranger.” Her voice is rough with sleep, but he can still hear the smile in it.

“Thanks, Doll. It’s good to be back.” He readjusts his flesh arm to wrap around her waist, his hand instinctively falling to caress the swell of her middle (much larger now than it was four weeks ago), and he’s just about to close his eyes in hopes of getting a few winks when he feels it.

At first, he thinks he’s imagining things it’s so soft, but then it happens again. A nudge against his palm, harder this time. It takes a moment for him to realize what’s happening, and when he does, he can’t help the shaky breath he exhales against her neck.

“You okay?” He means to reassure her that he’s fine, but instead what comes out is-

“She’s moving.” As if in response, he receives another kick.

“Yeah. She’s saying hello to her dad.” He knew that she was feeling the baby move thanks to a text sent two weeks back, but this is the first time he’s been able to feel it himself. And it’s… unbelievable.

“Does it hurt you at all, sweetheart? Is it uncomfortable?” She chuckles softly.

“No, it doesn’t hurt. The only time it’s uncomfortable is if she gets my kidneys, or if I’m trying to sleep.” Which is what she should be doing now.

Without thinking, he sits up and, leaning over so that his cheek is pressed against the bump, he murmurs,

“Hey, little miss. This is your Dad. I can’t wait to meet you.” Her hand comes down to cart through his still-damp hair. “Tomorrow, we’ll talk again and you can kick me some more, but right now you need to calm down so your Mom can get some rest. She’s got a big job, looking after me and growing you all at the same time. So why don’t you settle back in and go to sleep, and me and Mom will try to do that too?” He receives one more kick for his efforts and then… stillness.

“I’m never going to hear the end of this am I? How she already listens to you?”

He chuckles and eases back down on the bed, pulling her against him once more.

“Never.”

___________________________________________________________________________________

“… Mom told me to run, and then took off. Didn’t know if she was crazy or an enemy agent or what, so I ran after her.” The words are barely above a whisper, so quiet that she wonders if she’s still dreaming. However, a stirring in her middle settles the matter. She’s awake. This is real.

“I know. Looking back on it, I probably didn’t make the best first impression, but cut me some slack. It’s not every day the woman you just walked into thirty seconds ago tells you there’s an ambush waiting for you on the next street up. And you should be glad I chased her down. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here.” Is he-

“Not that I’d recommend going up to strange men and saving their lives, Little Miss. It’s a good way for someone to get hurt. Probably not you if Banner’s right about the serum being passed down from parent to child, but still. Not a smart idea.” Yes, it’s exactly what she thought. He’s talking to the baby. “Of course, if anyone so much as looks at you the wrong way, I’ll kick their ass. Or Mom will. One of us. The other one will stage the scene so it looks like an accident. And, that’s probably something I shouldn’t be telling you on the off chance you’re hearing any of this.”

“She has ears now.” Her voice is hoarse from disuse, and she grimaces at the sound of it. “Week eighteen’s when they start to work. She can hear us.”

Blue eyes peer up at her, startled, before melting into the familiar, soft expression he usually wears around her. “Hey, Doll. Did I wake you up?”

Shaking her head, she reaches out, covering his metal hand still resting on her middle, with her own. “No. She did.” As if in reply, there’s a bump against their palms, and a smile spreads across his face.

“Yeah. I felt her kicking when I woke up, so I thought I’d try to calm her down for you. Looks like it did just the opposite.”

“No, you succeeded.” With a yawn, she stretches. “Usually she’s ready to rumble at six a.m. This is an improvement.”

A mock frown crosses Bucky’s face. “Now listen here, Little Miss. There’s a limited amount of driving your mom crazy that can happen in a twenty-four hour period, and since I’ve known her longer, I’ve got seniority. You’re gonna have to dial it back by an hour, thirty minutes at least in the mornings. It’s not a smart idea to piss off your landlady.” Apparently, their little one doesn’t agree. His eyes go wide at the sudden, strong movement. “What-”

“She rolled over.” And, that brilliant, genuinely happy smile is back

“That’s…” He searches for the right word. “...amazing.” It is, but if she focuses on it, she’ll start tearing up, and now’s not the time for a hormone-fueled crying jag.

“She’s usually active in the morning. Settles down after breakfast.”

He chuckles. “Is that your way of saying you’d like me to get you something to eat?” Oh, that sounds good. She has some fresh fruit in the refrigerator, but there’s also mint chocolate chip ice cream in the freezer, and then there’s ramen noodles, which she kind of wants to eat raw for some reason… but no.

“I’ve got it.” She starts to sit up, but doesn’t get very far before he’s easing her back down.

“No you don’t. I’m home now, so I can get back to my real job.” Pecking her forehead, he stands. “Taking care of my girls.”

“Get back here.” It comes out more petulant than she meant it to, which is probably why he pauses just outside the doorway and turns back around to look at her. He didn’t bother with a shirt last night, did he? And those sweatpants… she shakes her head to clear it. “You need your rest.”

He raises an eyebrow. “I think that’s my line, Doll.”

How many days worth of scruff is that, she wonders. The last time he’d let it grow out that long was when they were on that mission in Siberia. It was cold as fuck, and even with their enhancements making them more resilient to the weather, when they finally got back to their hotel room that night, they were nearly frozen solid. The heat wasn’t doing a great job, and so the only logical way to stay warm was to completely undress and lie as close as humanly possible in bed under all the blankets they could get their hands on. Of course, naked cuddling usually leads to naked making out, which lead to what is now a very vivid memory of exactly how that stubble felt between her thighs-

“Which one of us is growing a human right now?” The question snaps her out of her lecherous daydreams. The hormones. That has to be what’s causing this sudden boost in libido.

Clearing her throat, she shoots back, “Which one of us just spent a month getting shot at?” A month. It’s been a whole month since the last time they did anything in this bed other than sleep. She’s fully capable of getting off by herself, but her fingers are a poor replacement for-

“Forget it, solnyshka. You’re not gonna win this one. You’re staying in bed. That’s final.” She’d have something to say about him telling her what to do, but that commanding voice… it’s probably best that she stay in bed. At this point, she’s not sure her legs would hold her up.

“Fine.” It comes out shaky, but it doesn’t appear that he notices.

“Anything in particular you want?” Yeah, she can think of a few things. “Are you still having food aversions-” Oh. He’s talking about food. “-or has that cleared up?”

Grabbing hold of her last shred of sanity, she gasps out, “Anything’s fine.”

He smirks. “Great. Sauerkraut and pickled pig’s feet it is.”

She’s not sure if she manages a laugh, too busy staring as he walks away. Dammit. She needs to take a few deep breaths, get a hold of herself. With a frustrated groan, she pushes back the covers and climbs out of bed. She needs to splash some cold water on her face. Oh, and pee. She’s constantly peeing.

The vision hits her just as she’s dabbing her face with a hand towel. He’s leaning over the stove, cooking… are those pancakes? It’s domestic and sweet and infuriatingly, it riles her up even more. Muttering curses in several languages under her breath, she returns to bed and pulls the covers over her head. Maybe if she concentrates on her slight annoyance that he’s cooking shirtless, which is a damn good way to get yourself burned (of course, they heal fast, so it’s not a huge concern), it’ll help her ignore the ache between her thighs.

Fifteen minutes later when she hears his footsteps on the stairs, she feels like she’s about to spontaneously combust. With a huff, she sits up and attempts to appear normal. As soon as the door opens, she knows it’s a lost cause.

“Here you go. Pancakes, bacon, and tea.” Setting the tray on the nightstand, he climbs back in bed next to her.

“Thanks.” It’s nothing out of the ordinary, him leaning towards her, cradling the back of her head with one hand as he kisses her. It’s not unusual for her to wrap her arms around him, nearly pulling him on top of her as she probes his lips with her tongue, begging for entrance. It’s not even odd for the kiss to go from innocent to filthy, his teeth teasing her bottom lip, making her gasp and tug at his hair. What is odd is that, with a chuckle, he pulls away.

“You’d better eat before it goes cold.”

Smirking, she hooks the chain holding his dog tags (and his wedding ring, still hidden safely from his mission) around her finger and gives a tug. “You know, there’s this amazing new device called a microwave…”

His lips curl up into a knowing smirk. “Oh, so that’s what you’re after, huh?” She feels heat rise to her cheeks as she nods. Luckily, she doesn’t have long to feel embarrassed before his lips are on hers once more.

She can’t contain her gasp as he pushes aside her panties, fingers trailing over her heat. “Sweetheart, you’re drenched.” A moan escapes her as the tip of one cool, metal finger enters her. “Why didn’t you tell me you needed this earlier? I’d be more than happy to help you out.” His palm grinds against her clit as, slowly, he begins to thrust his fingers into her.

Her hand clamps down on his wrist. “Fuck! Bucky-”

He shushes her, lips trailing wet kisses across her jaw. “Just relax. We’ve got all the time in the world.”

That’s all well and good, but as he eases a second finger into her, the thin, cotton tshirt that’s covering her upper half feels far too restraining. “Please-” She gasps out. “-don’t tease.”

“I’m not.” A peck to her nose. “I’m not teasing you.”

“Yes you-” A shudder passes through her as his fingers nudge against her g-spot. “-you are.”

A sigh fans over her exposed collar bone. “I don’t want to hurt you, Doll.”

Gathering all her willpower, she tugs his head down to her level. “James Buchanan Barnes, I am not made of glass. If you don’t get inside of me right now-” A particularly well-aimed thrust of his fingers makes her gasp.

“Alright.” She suppresses a whimper at the sudden emptiness. “How do you want it?”

Her gut screams to tell him, “Anything! Just get on with it!” but a lazy movement in her middle jogs her memory. She can’t comfortably be on her back at this point, and it’s been a month, so she wants to see him…

“I could ride you.” His eyes turn a shade darker at her words, pupils blown with lust.

“Well, I’m not gonna say no to that.”

She’s briefly apprehensive as, after kicking off his bottoms, he eases the t-shirt from her body. She looks a lot different than the last time they did this. What if he doesn’t like-

“Fuck.” His bottom lip slips between his teeth. “Yeah, you’re definitely on top so I can look at you.” And just like that, any residual fear melts away and she can’t push the final offending garment from her body fast enough.

Once he’s resting propped up against the headboard, she takes him in her hand, making him hiss, and slowly, carefully, settles on top of him.

“Oh, fuck.” She’s not sure which one of them moans, too overwhelmed by the sensation of once again, having him inside of her. Finally. Getting used to the feeling, she circles her hips.

“Shit.” At any other time, she’d make a joke about how desperate he sounds, but right now… grasping his shoulders for leverage, she gives an experimental rock against him… she’s beyond teasing.

In the beginning, she sets an easy pace, but with one of his hands grasping her hips, the other one trailing over her middle towards her breasts to tease at the swollen flesh, it doesn’t take long until she’s completely lost, moving against him like her life depends on it.

“That’s it. Take what you need.” She’s not sure if it’s the words or his thump passing over one sensitive nipple that drives her over the edge, but before she can so much as utter a warning, her orgasm crashes over her.

When she opens her eyes, she realizes that he’s staring at her, awestruck. “That’s the first time you’ve been able to cum without-” Oh. She didn’t realize, but neither of them have so much as brushed a thumb against her clit. Her surprise must show on her face, because he grins. “Oh, we’re definitely gonna have fun with this.”

After that, she loses count of how many times she hits her peak, too lost in the feeling of their bodies moving together. One of the advantages of the serum is that they both have incredible endurance, but this is different. It’s something primal, a need she didn’t realize she had being met. Finally, after coming down once again, she wilts against him, resting her head on his shoulder.

“Tired, solnyshka?” She nods, not lifting her head. His chest rumbles with a quiet chuckle, one she doesn’t have time to understand before she’s being lifted off of his cock and placed gently on her side. A whine escapes her at the momentary loss of contact. “Don’t worry, Doll. I’m not going anywhere.” His body curled around her, he eases back into her, making her hum contentedly.

After doing all the work so far, she can’t help but think to herself that it’s nice to just lay back and let him take her, his hips snapping against hers as his cock nudges against her g-spot.

“Do you think you’ve got one more for me, Doll?” His voice is gruff with effort. He’s close, she can tell.

No sooner has she murmured a quiet “yes” than his hand is between her thighs, fingers toying with the bundle of nerves. Her walls contract, and with a strangled cry, he follows her over the edge.

It takes a few minutes for her to come back to herself, for the murmured words of approval and “I love you”s to have any meaning, but eventually she does recover and, offering him a lazy smile, she whispers, “Welcome home, Barnes.”

#bucky barnes #marvel #the avengers #the winter soldier #captain america #bucky x female reader #bucky x y/n #smut #fluff #bucky x reader #bucky fic

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iwillbeinmynest · 5 years

Text

I’m Not Crazy, Am I?

Pairing: Frank Castle x Reader (Platonic)

Author’s Notes: Okay I really want y’all’s honest opinion on this one because I just can’t shake the feeling that this doesn’t flow right- despite what my wonderful beta @itsanerdlife has told me. So, let me know. It might just be because this is my first time writing Frank. idk lol

Also, a HUGE thank you to @frankcastlexreader for this super awesome moodboard for this fic!!

Word Count: 7.8K

Notes/Warnings: I was actually trying to make this one a little scary so, yeah, needles, feeling crazy, anxiety, fires, violence and abuse, mentions of blood, mentions of drinking, talk of mental illness (I really tried to be careful on this topic so please let me know if I did anything wrong with this topic!)

Masterlist

Eleven days.

She’d been stuck here for eleven days. When she’d first been taken, she spit threats of her impending rescue and the price these people would pay for the wrongful imprisonment of her, all while fighting as hard as she could physically. When they grew tired of her fight, they forcefully gave her a shot of who knows what that put her to sleep.

When she woke up, she was dressed in white scrubs and locked in a small room with almost nothing in it. There was a sad excuse for a cot, a desk with small sheets of paper but only crayons to write with, and the smallest window she’d ever seen.

On her second day she figured she’d make as much trouble as she could. She beat on her still locked door, she screamed at the top of her lungs, and drew all over the walls. People passed by the frosted glass in the door. Some stopped and lingered for a moment, while others passed by as if she didn’t exist. If was after the third or fourth person stopped that she noticed they, too, wore white scrubs.

A guard would beat on her door every once and a while, telling her to shut up but she never did. She continued to scream and bang and vandalize. Eventually four guards showed up. She was actually scared of them this time, even though she refused to show it. They overpowered her and with another sharp pinch in the neck, she passed out.

She woke up on day three with her room looking as pristine as it was on day one. Or maybe they’d put her in a new room; if that was the case, she wondered how many identical rooms there were in this place. She tried to repeat her awful din from the day prior but she found that she’d lost her voice and her whole body ached from trying to fight the guards. She spent that morning in the uncomfortable cot resting, telling herself that if she could just conserve her energy, she’d use it to fight the guards again. She figured that had been her mistake yesterday. She’d wasted so much of her energy on being a pain that when the guards opened the door she didn’t think of trying to get out. She ended up in the bed most of that day, scheming up a plan for escape.

It wasn’t until she woke up on day four that she’d realized she’d even fallen asleep. She’d spent that whole day being angry. She hadn’t eaten since she arrived which wasn’t helping her mood but, more than that, he hadn’t come yet. She didn’t understand why he hadn’t come for her and she was already thinking of berating him whenever he did show up.

In the afternoon of day four, there was a knock on her door. She could see the shadow of a man but he wasn’t in the same tan colors as the guards, he also wasn’t in white like so many of the other residents. After a beat of silence, she heard the door unlock and a thin man in a cardigan and glasses walked in.

“Hello, Y/N.” He said with a thick accent and smiled. He held a tray over what looked like a small notebook and a manila folder. “My name is Dr. Kallstrom.” He set the tray beside her bed and she swallowed hard. He gestured to the tray, “Please, eat. I’m sure you’re hungry.”

What she now recognized as a Swedish accent somehow made her even more suspicious of him.

“It isn’t tainted with drugs Miss Y/L/N. Please, you need to eat. Malnutrition is not something we take lightly. Our goal is to make you better and keep you healthy.” His smile looked rehearsed.

Y/N weighed her options quickly. If she didn’t eat, she’d be proving her rebellion to being here but if she didn’t and her rescue took any longer, she wouldn’t be strong enough to fight her way out if she needed to. She took the tray and ate what little was there.

The doctor took the chair from her desk and pulled it out so he could sit facing her in her bed. “This is only something small to tide you over.” He inhaled as he opened his notebook and took a pen from his pocket, clicking it open. “You know these are only temporary arrangements. We would love to move you to a more comfortable living space but we need to be able to trust you.”

Y/N looked up at him incredulously. Trust? This had to be a joke. She scoffed and continued eating.

“I know your admittance here to Calming Waters was less than enjoyable,” He said as he began writing something in his book. He looked back up at her, this time without the smile. “But that wasn’t entirely dependent on us. You caused quite the disturbance that day.”

She shook her head, keeping here eyes on the food. Calming Waters was a crazy house. A fancy insane asylum. It was marketed to look like assisted living and people joked that the ‘assisted’ part was from all the drugs they doped their residents with. Some people say it was in the water and some people said it was in the food. She looked at her plate, it was almost empty now, and she wondered if she could hit the doctor hard enough with this plastic tray to get away.

“Y/N, do you know why you’re here?”

She didn’t answer, she just stared at him. Yeah, she knew but she wasn’t telling him that. She wanted to know what he thought.

He sighed. “I’m not sure if you’re aware but you…” He looked like he was struggling to break some news to her. Y/N thought he should win an Oscar. “You’ve had a bit of a break down. When the police called us, you had gone...well, to be frank, you’d gone completely mad.”

Y/N wanted to laugh and while she was able to repress that, she couldn’t fight her smile at his audacity.

He frowned. “You killed four people, Miss Y/L/N. I know this is hard to hear but it certainly shouldn’t be funny. You’re record is clean, you have no reports of misconduct anywhere, all the way down to kindergarten. You’ve never even gotten a traffic citation. I believe, Miss Y/L/N, that the stress of your day to day has caused you too...snap.”

It was too much, she snorted and chuckled under her breath. “I’m not crazy and I didn’t kill anyone.” Her voice was scratchy and barely there. Maybe screaming wasn’t the best choice the other day. It definitely didn’t help her to sound as resolved as she was.

He nodded his head as if he knew she would say that. He leaned forward and handed her the manila folder.

She took it carefully, eyeing him until he sat back and was away from her. She opened the folder and was met with a collection of gruesome images. Four men, slaughtered in a style she recognized. She remembered this but it wasn’t her handiwork. “This is why you dragged me here?” She was furious. “This is why you locked me up in this crazy house?!”

At the tension in her shoulders and the scowl on her face, the doctor stood up and backed towards the door, where a guard had stepped in.

“I didn’t even do this.” She threw the folder, sending the pictures flying all over her room.

“If you didn’t,” The doctor stood beside the guard now. “Who did?”

“The Punisher did this. He was protecting me!” Her voice broke into a whisper as she tried to scream on the already strained vocal chords.

The doctor shook his head. “No, Miss Y/L/N, you did. The evidence proves-”

“I don’t care what the evidence proves!” When Y/N stood up from the bed, the guard stepped forwards.

“Calm down.” The large man commanded.

Y/N stopped moving but continued in her broken voice. “This is wrong and you know it.”

“When you are ready to stay calm, and tell me the truth, let me know.” He left with a sigh and the guard took her empty tray and eyed her hard as he followed behind.

On day five, Y/N woke with a different drive. She picked up the pictures that were still scattered all over the floor of her tiny room, she placed them neatly in the folder and then made her bed. She knocked on her door and a few minutes later, a guard opened it.

“What?” He asked shortly.

Y/N voice was still hoarse but she tried to clear it and said, “I’m ready to talk to the Doctor now.”

The guard squinted, examining her suddenly soft demeanor and now cleaned room. “I’ll let him know.” He pushed her back from the door, shut it and locked it before he disappeared from her frosted window.

It wasn’t until day seven that she finally got to see the doctor but after having remained calm she was getting meals more frequently. When the guards came to collect her, there were three of them. Two at either side of her and one behind. She was taken to a separate building, one much nicer than where she’d been staying. Here the hallways resembled that of a country club- dark woods and florals everywhere. From what little glances she could steal, the rooms in this building had living rooms and bedrooms in them. Like tiny apartments. They were even furnished with couches, televisions, side tables and bookshelves.

They turned down another hallway and she could tell she was near the offices now.

The guards shoved her towards a door that read ‘Dr. Kallstrom' in gold letters. One of the guards opened the door and jerked his head, signaling her to get moving.

Dr. Kallstrom was typing away at his laptop when she walked in. He looked up for only a moment and smiled. "Come in, have a seat. I'll be right with you."

His office was large. One wall was entirely books. There were multiple forms of seating; from pillows on the floor by a short coffee table, all the way to couches and plush chairs. His desk was large and made of polished redwood to match his bookshelves and end tables. It sat in front of the two large windows and faced the door. It was littered with papers and full folders but he had a small section cleared where his laptop could fit.

He finished typing and closed his computer. He faced Y/N, who hadn't decided on where to sit yet, crossed his arms and said, "What can I do for you today?"

Y/N stood still chewing her lips. "Well, you said I should talk to you when...when I was ready to."

He nodded and stood from his leather desk chair. "I did," he walked around and came to Y/N. He gestured to the couch and she followed his lead. "How are you feeling today?"

"Better, but my throat still hurts." She sat on the couch while he sat across from her in an armchair.

He crossed his legs and folded his hands in his lap. "I can prescribe something for you if you'd like."

She shook her head. "No, just some cough drops would be fine."

He nodded then took a deep breath. "I want to apologize if my methods seemed harsh when we first met but I believed that you needed to be confronted with the truth so that you could begin to remember the trauma you faced. We can't heal your mind if you are repressing the memories altogether."

Y/N sighed. "But I don't remember doing that. I remember being there but I thought…"

The doctor leaned forward. "Y/N, The Punisher- Frank Castle- is dead. Has been for sometime now."

Y/N paused. Dead? That can't be right. "But, I saw him. He was there." Her quiet scratchy voice broke.

Dr. Kallstrom looked at her with pity. "You made him up. Your mind couldn't handle what you did so it made up a more plausible situation. Did you recognize the men in the photos?"

She nodded slowly, still thinking of Frank. "It was my boss and other higher-ups in the company. He...he tried to kill me. He beat me, harassed me. Wanted me to steal and fudge the books. And when I refused…"

He nodded as if he already knew. "You snapped, Y/N. And before you go beating yourself up, you should know that you are not the first person to respond like this to immense pressure. What happened was an accident. But...it was you."

"How'd he die?" She asked. Y/N sat staring at the floor.

"Your boss?" The Doctor's head ticked to the side in confusion. "I told you, you-"

"No, not him. How did Frank die?"

The doctor sat back. "Oh, um, he, uh, the cops got him. He shot at them and they shot back. But that was last year."

Ah, last year, right. "Oh, I see. So, it really was me?

The doctor nodded sadly but was relieved to see that she understood.

"How did I…?"

The doctor stood up and put a hand on her shoulder. "I think it's too soon to go into details like that. Let's start by moving you over into a nicer room, huh? Maybe some new clothes, too."

Y/N nodded and offered a weighted smile. "I'd like that." She stood and let him escort her into the hallway. When she saw the guards, who no longer seemed interested in her, she looked at Dr. Kallstrom. "I'm sorry for how I acted when I came here."

The doctor smiled and patted her back. "Never mind that. Let's just work on getting you better. I'm going to ask that you see me every morning at eleven so we can talk and try and work out what happened, okay?"

She nodded. "Okay."

Kallstrom grinned as he opened the door to a fully furnished room with her last name near the knob, "The meal schedule is on a pamphlet by your bed and if there aren't any books here that you like, you can go down to the library. You are free to roam but please be respectful of the other guests and restricted areas. We have a two strike policy here so be mindful of that." He began to close the door behind him then stopped.

"Oh, one more thing." He looked at her in a slightly stern manner. "We distribute medications everyday at lunch time. I will be prescribing you something to help relax your mind so that we can further unlock the mystery behind your actions. It's a small dosage and absolutely nothing to think twice about but I do recommend that you take it and I expect your full cooperation."

Y/N gave a nervous smile. "Of course."

"I'll see you tomorrow." He smiled and shut the door behind him.

And here she's been ever since. Wandering the halls, meeting other guests and reading in the library. Y/N also tried to meet as much of the staff as she could but so far she's only made friends with the receptionist and the housekeeper.

Everyday at eleven she'd seen the doctor and everyday he'd treasure her that Frank was nothing but a figment of her imagination. She'd needed a hero, a reality where she was safe and, as best as the doctor could figure it, the Punisher had been on the news so much that her mind must have attached to him.

As the days went on, Y/N couldn't help but wonder of the doctor was right. Had she made up Frank? She was single, her boss was a jerk and she was feeling helpless… Maybe she did.

Now, it was the lunch hour. Y/N sat alone, as she'd grown accustomed to, and ate in silence. A nurse came around with a tray of little cups. He took the one with her name on it and gave it to her. He stood over her and waited.

Y/N took the tiny cup and tossed it’s contents into her mouth. She took her water and drank. She opened her mouth wide, stuck her tongue out and then lifted it.

When the nurse was satisfied, he nodded and walked away. Y/N watched as he turned his back to her to distribute more medication. She took the pills from her cheek and stuffed them into her mashed potatoes. She took her tray to the trash, scraped off the left over food and placed her tray above the bin.

Later that night, after curfew and after the doors were all locked, Y/N stood in her bathroom and stared at the blurry reflection in the shower-fogged mirror.

She wiped away the mist and began to brush out her damp hair. After she was dressed and in bed. She wondered how it had come to this. She was in an insane asylum. It didn’t look like the ones in all the scary movies but that’s what it was and if that wasn’t enough, all of her neighbors confirmed that even though the staff never said the word ‘crazy’, the people here absolutely were crazy.

First there was Lady Margaret, and yes, you had to address her as such, She was a tiny old lady who insisted that she was a member of the royal family in the year of our king, Richard the third. She even put on a British accent despite having been born in Reno. Then there was Jerry, he believed that he suffered from multiple personality disorder and that all of his alter’s names were also Jerry- which was convenient for everyone.

Not to mention the several schizophrenics and critically paranoid persons and the ones who believed themselves to be other people or creatures. Y/N was particularly fond of the man who believed himself a mermaid stuck in his human form. He was kind and always made her things out of sea shells when ever there were craft hours.

Y/N tried to find the good in this place and as she searched for an answer she drifted to sleep.

* * *

The office was empty, or at least it was closed and almost everyone had gone home. Everyone except Y/N and Jason Harvey. Y/N had worked for Jason for five years and the only reason she’d stayed was because she knew she couldn't afford to leave. He paid her well and even though she was just a secretary by title, she handled a lot of his business.

Jason stepped out of his office laughing on his phone. “You boys don’t get started without me! I’ll be there in about,” He looked at his watch, “Fifteen minutes. Okay. Yeah, up yours, too!” He chuckled before ending the call. He closed his door and winked at Y/n as he sat on the edge of her desk. “How’s it going, sweetheart? You pullin’ another all nighter?”

Y/N pursed her lips for a moment. “Please, I’ve asked you not to call me that.”

“Why?” His chin pulled back and he shoved off her desk offended. “No body’s here.”

“Because it makes me uncomfortable.” Her stomach turned and she wanted to throw up from the nerves inside her.

Jason called her something obscene under his breath but he was close enough that she still heard. “Whatever. Just get done and get out of here.”

He started towards the elevators and huffed in annoyance.

Y/N returned to the books that she was working on and frowned when she saw a discrepancy. She grabbed the book and rushed after Jason. “Mr. Harvey, wait!”

He rolled his eyes and stared up at the elevator watching the numbers light up towards his floor.

“Mr. Harvey, I’m sorry but I need you to check this for me, please.”

He snatched the book from her. “What?”

“It’s just,” She swallowed hard. “Um, it’s just that these numbers are off and it’s saying that you-”

“I can read a ledger, Y/N.” He cursed at her. “There’s nothing wrong here. Just sign off on it.”

“I can’t sign off on it unless it’s correct, sir, and I don’t think-”

She was cut off when the back of his hand collided with her mouth. She gasped and stumbled back, clutching her cheek and jaw.

Jason swore at her again as the elevator dingged and the doors opened. He grabbed her by the throat and pushed her into the elevator with him. “Listen here, I pay your bills, I take care of you, you got that? All you gotta do in return is sign some papers and file the ledger. It isn’t that big of a deal. Now,” he shoved her against the wall and she shrieked. Her head hit the mirrored wall hard and the tears that welled with the force of his hand on her throat now spilled over at his increasing violence. “Do you want me to explain that again?”

She shook her head and sobbed, still trying to pry his hands from her neck.

He pulled her back and slammed her head into the wall again, causing it to crack. “You want me to keep hitting you?”

She shook her head again and her knees began to buckle as he squeezed tighter. “Please…” She choked out.

“It really is a shame,” He said as he got uncomfortably close to her. His breath, hot on her cheek, already smelled of alcohol. “I hate to make this pretty face cry but,” He shrugged. “I’ll do what I have to. You keep your mouth shut or I’ll ruin you.” He somehow got even closer, so close that his lips brushed against her skin. “In every sense of the word.”

Jason let go of her and she fell to the floor. Just then the elevator doors opened and she scrambled to her feet and ran out. She didn’t even know what floor she was on but she didn’t care. She found the stairwell and kicked off her heels, running down them.

She ran from the high-rise to the train where she cried all the way to her stop. She ran, in the rain that had just started pouring, the few more blocks from the station to her building and buzzed her door. She left everything at the office, including her keys and phone.

“Yeah,” A rough voice called from the box.

Y/N tried not to sob. “I left my keys.”

The door buzzed and she flung it open. She ran up the stairs to her floor and rushed to her door.

Frank opened her door and his jaw dropped slightly at the sight of her. She was soaking wet, her make-up was running down her face, her mouth was bleeding and her neck was bruised in the shape of a hand. He pulled her to him and shut the door behind her.

Frank had been staying with Y/N for the last few weeks after she’d stumbled upon him bloodied and bruised after a particularly rough night. She’d been kind to him and he was desperate for some of that. He allowed himself to give in to her hospitality and after only a few days he knew that he’d protect this girl from anything and everything if he had to. Their relationship only went as far as friends because that’s what they both really needed. She provided him a home and he kept her safe. They were a symbiotic relationship for the books.

He held her in the front hallway for a few minutes as she cried against him. He held her close and rubbed her back until he couldn’t take it anymore.

He backed up from her and pulled her into the light. He checked her mouth, finding only a busted lip and slight bruising on her jaw. But when he tried to tilt her head up and she winced he was worried. “What happened?” His voice was low and thick with concern.

“Jason…” Y/N’s chin quivered.

He'd heard about Jason. His nose twitched and his lip curled as he huffed like a bull. "I'll kill him." Frank told her.

But Y/N shook her head. "It's only as bad as what you see." She pleaded with her eyes for him to stay. "He's not worth your time."

Frank shook his head and chewed the inside of his lip. He nodded. "For now. Okay, but I swear, Y/N, he doesn’t touch you again got it?"

Y/N sobbed and nodded. She took a deep breath and tried to calm down. "Oh," She remembered her things. "I left my purse at the office."

Frank led her further inside and towards her room. "You need to change, maybe shower. We can deal with everything else in a minute, okay?" He raised his brows until she nodded. He leaned over and kissed the side of her head, "Go on."

He made her a hot drink and something to eat while she showered. When she finally came back out, she looked much better. She offered him a smile but it only went so far from the pain of her busted lip.

"Tell me what happened." His deep voice was soft as she sat down at the table.

She spoke quietly but quickly. Explaining more about what he'd done both physically and financially. "He's fudging the numbers and stealing a whole lot. And he was not thrilled when I called him out on it."

"What made you do that?" He asked.

She scoffed and smirked. "I thought it was something you would do."

Frank chuckled.

"I thought...I don't know." She huffed.

Frank cussed. "I guess I am a bad influence."

Y/N smiled. "Well, don't leave on that account."

"Nah," He took her hand. "I ain't goin' anywhere."

Y/N smiled. "Thanks for letting me cry on you." She rolled her eyes at herself.

"Don't apologize for that." He looked at her serious. He patted her hand before he let go of it. "You said you left your stuff at the office?"

The thought of the office made her sick. "Yeah, the only thing I made out with was my badge."

Frank looked at the clock on the microwave. It was past one a.m. "It's pretty late. He shouldn't be there, you want me to go get it?"

Y/N thought about it. "I appreciate it but you can't get it without a badge. I'd have to go with you."

"You're gonna quit, right?" Frank wasn’t really asking. He knew he might be crossing a line but something just didn’t sit right with him when he thought about her continuing to work for Jason. "If we go tonight, you're gonna get all your stuff, okay?"

She wanted to argue. What job could she get that would pay as well as this one? But she knew Frank was right.

"I know some people in Law that could get you a job somewhere." He reassured.

Y/N sighed. "Okay." She nodded. "He was going out with his friends, he definitely shouldn't be there."

Frank nodded. "Alright, let's go then."

Going back to the building was easy. With Frank beside her she was almost fearless. The dark and shady New York streets and allies didn’t seem so daunting with him in her corner. Y/N got in and, thanks to her high status with Harvey Inc., was able to get Frank in too.

They made it up to the thirtieth floor and to Y/N's desk. Frank grabbed a box and helped her put what little belonged to her in it. He was even able to crack a few jokes and make Y/N smile to ease the tension of being there. Y/N had found the ledger right outside the elevator where Jason must have dropped it before hitting her. She handed it to frank who now sat at Y/N’s desk taking pictures of the fudged pages with her phone.

Then, the elevator dingged.

Y/N's heart immediately dropped at the sound of Jason's laughter. She snapped her head to Frank as tears began to well in her eyes.

Frank took the box of stuff and put it under Y/N's desk and took her hand. He tugged her around the corner and held her close. He could feel her heart pounding in her chest.

He put a finger to his lips. And then leaned down and whispered ever so slightly in her ear. "You remember what I taught you."

Y/N nodded. Frank had been teaching Y/N to fight every night since he moved in. She was desperate for some self defense training and now she at least has enough to get away if someone tried to hurt her on her commute home. Although, she was ashamed to say she'd been too scared to try it on Jason.

The laughter got louder and it made Y/N jump. She bumped into the bookshelf they were next to and the men's voices stopped.

Frank took a deep breath. They'd definitely heard that and it was only a matter of time until they were found. Well, he wasn't the kind of man to wait.

He stepped back around the corner with Y/N in tow.

"Well, well, well." Jason started, clearly smashed. "Lookie, lookie what we have here. Did you come back to play?" He chuckled darkly.

Frank stepped over to cut off Jason's view of Y/N. "We were just going. Let us leave." He demanded.

Jason looked back at his friends, the other higher ups at this company. He'd actually considered it for a moment but when he saw the Ledger open on Y/N's desk he made up his mind. "Mmm, nah. I don't think we will." He laughed.

"You don't wanna do this." Frank warned.

"I think we do." Jason smirked like the devil.

The next thing Y/N knew, she was ripped away from Frank and being pulled on by two of Jason's friends. She swung her fist and it collided with the taller one's nose. He cursed and let go of her.

The second one got a knee to the groin and then the face. She scrambled away but froze when she saw Frank fighting off both Jason and the man she knew as Dylan.

"Frank!" She screamed for him and then, without thinking charged and tackled Dylan.

Frank hit Jason hard and ran to Y/N. He pulled Dylan off of her and threw him on top of Jason. The two other young, drunk, executives came after Frank and he pulled a knife from his waistband.

Frank's nose was bleeding as well as a cut from a solid punch near the eye. "Run!" He shouted at Y/N without taking his eyes off the others, who now paused.

"I won't leave you." Y/N put her back to Frank's.

He shook his head. "You're not ready for this."

"I know…" She admitted.

* * *

Y/N jerked upright from her sleep. She was drenched in sweat and heaving every breath. She checked the clock, two forty-seven. She sighed and rubbed her face and she went back into the bathroom.

A quick cold shower and she was back in her living room. Images of that night danced in her head. Blood everywhere. Jason dead over his desk. Dylan and the others scattered elsewhere. Y/N remembered the fight.

She remembered fighting them. The bruises on her knuckles were only faintly there now, the slightly yellow skin a physical reminder of what she'd done. Frank had done the difficult part, even though, to him, it probably wasn't that difficult anymore.

The way Y/N figured it, security had seen the fight on camera and called the cops because soon there were dozens of flashing lights below them. They'd had nowhere to go, the only ways out were the elevators or the stairs so they split up and hid. Y/N hid on the floor below them in a cabinet of a break room. She was found and dragged away in cuffs. Police harassed her for the details of what happened before she was put in a van and sent downtown.

Y/N tried to shake away the memory. Thinking about it might be good for the doctor but not for her sleep.

A knock on the door pulled her back to the present and that's when she smelled it.

Burning wood. Burning...something.

Just then, the fire alarm went off.

Y/N opened the door and a guard pulled her into the hallway. "Fire drill," He lied. "This way."

When Jerry ran past screaming and without any clothes on, the guard cursed. He watched Jerry run off and said to Y/N, "Just follow the others and stay near a nurse if you don't know where to go. Got it?!"

When Y/N answered 'yes', he took off.

She did follow the crowd for a while, this facility was bigger than she realized, though, because they kept turning down one hall after another. But after a while she wondered if they were going in circles. When she couldn't take it anymore, she slipped down an empty hall and hid in a deep doorway. She listened to the shuffling of feet and mumbling of nonsense and when the noise faded she peeked around the hallway.

A shadow passed the corner of her eye and her heart slammed in her chest. She saw a figure standing 50 meters away from her at the very end of the hallway. He stood tall and dark with broad shoulders. She couldn't even see a face, he was all shadow. He began to jog towards her, pausing at every intersection and checking to make sure no one saw him.

She bolted in the opposite direction of the shadow. She tried to keep her breathing even as she hurried down the hall. The intermittent windows cast eerie shadows on the floor. She rushed to the next doorway, hoping that if she moved faster, she wouldn't have time to be scared. It didn't work.

She looked back and panicked when she didn't see anyone. She silently opened the door and found herself in the kitchen. The lights were off and all the metal shelves and supplies seemed to glow in the moonlight from the large window.

She crawled on the floor to the next door, begging and praying that the chef wasn't in here ready to butcher her. The soft clang of gently touching pots startled Y/N so much that she shot up and ran as fast as she could.

When she burst into the cafeteria the back of the room was engulfed in flames and unlucky for her that's where the other two exits were. She held her hands over her face when the heat began to burn her skin.

She turned back to the kitchen doors only to freeze at the shadow in the small window. The door began to open and Y/N went numb with fear.

In her panic she turned back to the fire. Maybe she could get through. Pieces of the ceiling were falling as they burned and the flames were creeping towards her.

All at once, a beam above her broke and the man from the kitchen grabbed her and pulled her back. He rolled on top of her and covered her as the beam hit the ground hard and embers flew into the air.

Y/N screamed and fought the man on top of her. He was shouting but she was too scared to know what he was saying. She struggled beneath him but found a sheathed knife at his waist. She grabbed the grip and jerked, freeing the knife and raising it, ready to stab her attacker. The man grabbed her wrist before she could strike and pinned her hands to the floor.

"Y/N! Y/N, it's me!" He let go of one of her hands and ripped the hood off of his head. "It's me!" Frank shouted.

Y/N finally opened her eyes and when she got a good look at him she cried even harder. He let go of her only to pull her into a hug.

He rocked her for a moment as she clung to him. "Where were you?" She sobbed into his jacket.

"I'm so sorry, I couldn't find you. I've been looking everywhere, I swear." He told her. Another beam fell and he pulled her to her feet. "We have to go. If these flames make it to the kitchen, this place is gonna blow."

He pulled her through the kitchen and back up the dark hallway where she'd first seen him. A crash in the kitchen and Frank pulled her into the nearest room and under the huge desk that was in there.

Within a second of getting behind the desk, the kitchen exploded from the flames hitting the gas line. The door to the room blew open and the window behind them shattered out.

Y/N clingged to Frank who shielded her with his body. When the room settled, he checked around carefully as he stood up. He tensed when he saw a man huddled in the corner of the room.

Flames from the hallway now illuminated Frank's already frightening glare. He raised his gun at the man who offered up trembling hands in surrender.

Y/N rose from behind the desk and glared at the man she recognized to be Dr. Kallstrom.

"Who are you? Frank asked but Y/N answered.

"This is the guy who tried to convince me I was crazy and that you were dead. He also tried to dope me up."

When the doctor looked at her she all but bared her teeth.

"That's right, tried. I never took your pills." She spit at him.

"I-I-I'm sorry. I only did what I was paid to do!" He defended.

Frank stepped closer and put the gun to his head. "Paid by who?"

Kallstrom stuttered in fear. "I-I don't know! Some lady came and paid me to take her in and give her meds to make her shut up about The Punisher! Said no one could know about him!"

Frank jerked the gun forward, pushing Kallstrom's head back too. "What lady?"

The doctor was tearing up. "I don't know! Older lady, always in a suit. She tells me to collect someone every once and awhile, pays big money to have them shut up about supers and vigilantes."

"Who's gonna shut you up, I wonder?" Y/N asked with hatred in her voice and crossed arms over her chest. Tears still stained her cheeks but she somehow was able to convey her absolute disgust for him.

"Shut me up?" He begged. "Why would I need to be shut up?"

Frank smirked. "Cause I'm The Punisher." And he hit the doctor in the head with the butt of his pistol, leaving him collapsed on the floor.

He took Y/N by the hand and they escaped through the broken window. They ran until they were certain that they weren't being followed. When they came to a hillside above the asylum, Y/N paused as she looked back.

"I wonder who all was sent there because they knew something that the government didn't want getting out?" She wondered.

Frank stood beside her as they watched the buildings burn. "Don't know. But maybe someone who isn't being paid off will come in and actually help the people who need it."

Y/N nodded. "Maybe."

After a moment, Frank chuckled and looked at her curiously. " 'Who's gonna shut you up'? Where'd you come up with a line like that?"

"Really? You show up almost two weeks late to rescue me and you wanna talk about my dialogue choices?" She sassed but the mood shifted again.

"I really was looking for you. I had to call in some help after a few days and it took her some time to find you." Frank wrapped and arm across her shoulder and they turned from the asylum and kept walking. "I found you a lawyer to work a lawsuit against Harvey Inc, by the way."

"Oh, really? You think anyone is going to take my case when I've been in a psych ward?" She leaned her head on him.

"These people are pretty crazy themselves. You ever heard of Nelson and Murdock?"

* * *

“The Court finds Miss Y/L/N innocent of all charges. Harvey Trading will compensate Miss Y/L/N at the price of fifty thousand dollars and will be shut down indefinitely during the ongoing investigations of money laundering, various forms of harassment, fraud and theft.” The judge smacked his hammer and dismissed the courtroom.

Y/N jumped up hugging Foggy. “I can’t believe it!” She pulled back and ran her fingers through her hair with wide, wet eyes. “I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to thank you.” She laughed in shock.

Karen hugged her and rubbed her back. “You don’t need to thank us. You deserved this.”

“Uh, you do have to pay us, though.” Foggy reminded. After a look from Matt he added, “What? We’re broke too, remember.”

Matt smiled. “The entire company is littered in scandal and I have no doubt that the police will find everything they need to shut them down permanently.” He assured. “I think you should have gotten more but I’m not the judge.”

“Well, I’ll give your card to all my old coworkers. Most of the women there had been harassed by Jason or knew someone who was.”

Matt nodded. “We appreciate that. Come on, I believe we get to go celebrate, now. And I know there’s someone you haven’t hugged yet.”

The moment the roof door opened Frank was there to wrap Y/N in a hug and spin her around. “I told you!” He grinned while Y/N laughed.

“You did.” She smiled as he put her down.

He hugged her again and kissed her head. “I’m happy for you, kid.”

Y/N looked over to see Matt, Foggy and Karen smiling at them. “Well, I can’t take any of the credit.”

Frank walked over to Matt to give him a firm handshake. “Thank you.”

Matt nodded. “She deserved it.”

Karen rolled her eyes lightly and gave Frank a hug. “He did it for you, too.” She pulled back at him. “I’m glad you’re doing well.”

Frank smirked. “Yeah, I’m makin’ things work.” He said as he stepped back and shoved his hands in his pockets. He turned to see Matt, Y/N and Foggy pulling out drinks and talking. “She’s a good kid.”

“You keep calling her that, but she’s my age.” Karen wondered with a rock on her heels.

“She’s definitely younger than you.”

“Not by much.”

He looked at Y/N briefly. “She keeps me good, ya know? She reminds me of...” He trailed off at the thought of his daughter.

Karen nodded, “She told me what all you’ve done for her.” She looked proud of him.

Frank’s brows went up for a second and that bashful half smiled came out. “Me? Nah, she’s the one takin’ care of me.”

There was a pause, and unspoken moment of uncertainty. They both inhaled to speak but laughed and offered the other to go first.

“No, you go.” Frank insisted.

“I was just going to say that I, uh-”

“Do you…” Frank took a deep breath. “Want to get a drink sometime?”

Karen flushed and fidgeted with her nails. “I’d like that.”

“Yeah?” He swallowed. “Good, good.”

“Ugh, just make-out already!” Y/N yelled. “It’s a roof, not a library, we can all hear you. ANd If you’re not gonna then why don’t you two teens come celebrate with me.”

Frank huffed and shook his head and Karen bit her lips. He jerked his head back and held out his hand which she took. They joined the group and Foggy gave them both a bottle.

“To Y/N and the downfall of Harvey Trading!” Foggy toasted.

“To the well deserved,” Karen added.

Y/N raised her drink. “To not being crazy.”

Frank chuckled. “I don’t know about that.” He teased.

Y/N shoved him and grinned. They all took a drink and Y/N sighed in the comfort of this new found family.

“Did you ever find out who the woman was who paid the crazy doc to take Y/N in?” Frank looked to Matt.

Matt sighed. “No, we’re still trying to figure that out but my guess- and I have no evidence yet- but I’m thinking it’s CongressWoman Newman. She’s had strings on every case you’ve been involved with and with a few others from Hell’s Kitchen.” He nodded. “I’m putting my money on her but I’ll get something solid soon.”

Frank nodded and put an arm around Y/N’s neck, pulling her close. “As long as Y/N stays safe.”

“Well, she can definitely afford a better apartment, now.” Foggy chuckled.

“What’s wrong with my apartment?” Y/N looked at the group.

Karen bit her lip and Foggy looked at Matt who chewed his bottom lip.

“Everything.” Frank admitted.

“Hey! I worked hard to make that place home.” SHe pouted, in mock offense.

“Don’t get me wrong,” Frank defended himself, “You did great with what you had but you didn’t really have much to work with.” He snickered.

Y/N rolled her eyes and took another drink. “Whatever. I like my apartment.”

“Well, you’re going to want to move into someplace nicer, now.” Frank nudged her. “I think I’ve earned my own room, not just the couch.”

Y/N raised her glass. “I’ll agree with you on that. Fine, I’ll start looking tomorrow.”

Frank smiled, happy for Y/N. She deserved this. She deserved to live somewhere safer, somewhere nice. Somewhere he didn’t have to worry about her if he ever needed to take off again. He took a sip and winked at her.

“But I’m gonna get a place where the bedrooms are on opposite ends of the house,” She smirked and looked at the floor. “So, when Karen comes over I don’t have to listen to the beating of the headboard.”

Frank choked on his drink.

* * * *

Forever Tags:

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Crazy Tags:

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jeonsduck · 4 years

Text

Smoke and Mirrors pt 5

a/n: Y/N meets the guys

warnings: uhhh, fever symptoms, things get a lil steamy at the end

After the day you’d had, you fell asleep long before your usual bedtime, and well into the next morning. It was Sunday, so it’s not like anything mattered. Noodles was tucked under your arm and San had his arm thrown over your waist. You didn’t remember going to bed, but you probably passed out from emotional distress sometime last night between crying and kissing the man in your bed. You zoned out tracing the stylistic tattoo wrapped over San’s shoulder. It looked familiar, but you couldn’t quite place why. It was blurry in your eyesight and San shifted, humming in your ear.

“Y/N? Are you awake?”

You hummed an affirmative noise, which bothered Noodles, him meowing and hopping off the bed.

“How are you feeling today? You wanna tell me about what happened?” San asked, propping his head up on his palm.

He looked down at your, shadowy and muted in the cloudy light coming in from your window. His hand cupped around your waist, his thumb rubbing small slow circles into your skin.

“Jacob is dead.” you said plainly.

San’s eyebrows knit, leaning closer.

“The guy you went to dinner with earlier?” San asked for clarification.

“Yeah, we weren’t super close or anything, but we were friends at work, ya know? Kinda the only person in the whole office that wasn’t a total dick to me.” you explained, watching the ceiling fan go in circles.

“Your friend? You weren’t dating?” he asked.

You chuckled shaking your head.

“Nah, just friends. I think Jacob might have a had abit of a crush on me, but there wasn’t anything going on.” you confirmed.

San swallowed audibly, and sat up abruptly. He ran his hands through his hair like he was stressed out. You furrowed your eyebrows and sat up with him. It was your friend that died, so why was he so torn up. Suddenly, he pulled you into his arms, wrapping you up completely in a hug.

“Y/N, I’m so sorry…” he started, and you patted him on the back awkwardly.

“It's not your fault San. But thank you anyway. Thank you for taking care of me yesterday too.” you said, pulling back.

San smiled awkwardly, it not quite reaching his eyes.

“Of course, anything for you.” he says.

“Is it weird to ask you to leave? I want to be alone for a little while.” you asked and San nodded vigorously.

“Whatever you need. Call me if you need anything, I’ll always answer.” San said, and pecked you on the forehead before slipping out of bed.

You heard him say goodbye to Noodles and the front door shut and lock before you flopped back down on your bed. You spent a few more hours vegging out in bed before you finally dragged yourself out of bed. You cleaned the apartment in a daze and then put on some mindless TV with Noodles on your lap.

You took a shower and went to bed on time. You thought about taking time off from work, but who knows when Jacob’s funeral was going to be and it would dredge up the same emotions all over again. So you packed up all your sadness and angst and packed it away to deal with when the day came.

The next day you got dressed, fed Noodles, and San drove you to work. The bodyguards weren’t in the car, and you didn’t comment on it. The air in the car was stale and neither of you made the effort to make conversation. You had a bit of a sore throat and your back hurt. You were dozing off in the passenger seat and didn't even realize until San was shaking you awake at the office.

“Y/N, maybe you should take the day off…” he tried but you shook your head.

“I’ll be fine.” you brushed him off climbing out of the car.

For most of the day you were fine. You weren’t particularly sad or anything, just tired. You could look at some numbers, you didn’t need to waste your vacation time on this. Or so you thought.

The numbers on the ledgers kept swimming in front of your face and nothing was making sense. You tried to take your notes to the best of your ability, but nothing was making sense. You laid your head down against the table, closing your eyes and breathing hard. Colors flashed behind your eyelids and you felt light-headed. What the hell was going on?

You decided to take a quick breather with your head lying against the cool material of the desk, but it warmed up quickly, and somehow you got the idea in your head to lie on floor. When you stood up, you automatically became faint, your knees buckling and bringing you to the floor. You yelped and knocked down a few binders on the way down.

The noise of the heavy binders hitting the floor alerted Keran, and she came to check on you.

“Y/N? Are you okay?” she asked, helped you back into your chair. You caught sight of her tattoo again.

“You and San have similar tattoos.” you mumbled.

“Here, put your head between your knees, I’ll get San. And a glass of water.” she said, making sure you were stable before leaving.

San came rushing into the room a moment later, kneeling in front of you and taking your face in his hands. He brushed your hair from your face, trying to catch your eyes.

“Y/N? Can you hear me?”

You hummed an affirmative, nodding your head almost made you tip over.

“Here, boss.” Keran returned, handing San a paper cup of water for you. He held the drink up to your lips and you drank it quickly.

“Did you eat yesterday?” he asked and you nodded gently.

“Does your head hurt? What’s wrong?” San asked.

He sounded calm but was actually freaking out.

“My back hurts, and my throat is kind of sore. It’s hot.” you mumbled.

San realized that you were sweating profusely, but you still had your coat on. He quickly stripped it from you, pressing the back of his hand to your forehead. Then he cupped your neck with both hands, feeling your temperature.

“You’re burning up baby…” he said worried.

You were too out of it to react to him calling you baby, squinting at him as your eyesight blurred suddenly.

“Why’d you take my coat, s’cold now.” you muttered, swaying in your seat.

“Probably a bad fever, you should take them to the hospital.” Keran said, and it sounded like she was speaking underwater.

“Tell the guys to get the car.” San ordered, and scooped you up in his arms bridal style.

The change in position made you dizzy and you squeezed your eyes closed to fight off the nausea.

“You’re strong…” you commented out loud.

San chuckled, carrying you out to the parking lot. He buckled you into the back seat and called his doctor while the guards drove you to the hospital.

The next 72 hours passed in a general haze of colors, sounds, and smells. You recalled San feeding you some kind of soup, stumbling into the wall on your way to the bathroom, and lots and lots of Powerade.

“This is what you get for sitting out in the rain for 20 minutes like a goose.” San reprimanded, but you just sneezed on him in retaliation.

“That was on fucking purpose wasn’t it? Don’t pretend to be fever crazy now, you’re disgusting.” he whined, but you just rolled over and hid under the covers.

On the third day, you were more sane, and Jacob’s funeral was happening in the morning. You were still too sick to attend the service, and you would have felt out of place with Jacob’s family and close friends there anyway. San was nice enough to help you get dressed and drive you out so you could at least leave some flowers on his grave and say your goodbyes. He even brought a bouquet himself to put on Jacob’s grave. Purple hyacinths. After that you’d come back home exhausted from just that short trip outside and passed out.

When you were finally feeling well enough to go back to work on the fourth day, San hit you with some interesting news.

“I think you should meet the guys.” he says.

You look at him eyes wide in shock.

“Who? You mean your friends?” you asked.

“Yeah, is that weird?” he laughed it off, but rather awkwardly.

“I mean, a little. Why does it sound like I’m meeting your parents or something?” you chuckled to diffuse the tension but San just looked nervous.

“I mean, I know we can’t really do anything officially until you’re done with your investigation, but I thought maybe… maybe we had something going on between us but if I read that wrong-”, you cut him off before he could ramble any longer.

“No, you read it right. But yeah, we need to keep it professional until I finish this case.” you say.

“So, we can say it’s about the investigation if anyone asks. I just really want you to meet them without you being all nervous and jumpy. I have a lunch meeting with them on Friday if you want to tag along.” ho offers.

That sounds… nice. It’s probably a good idea to meet them in a setting that doesn’t absolutely terrify you. So you agree. If you were to pinpoint the exact moment your relationship with Choi San changed, this would be the moment. From then on, your relationship with San was purely unprofessional.

It was also another fatal mistake. You never should have met San’s other friends, letting the eight of them lull you into a false sense of security.

Friday came and you were nervous. Despite San’s assurances that they were really nice guys and that they’d love you, your mental images of his friends were still very dark, serious and scary. And just like when you first met San, they proved you completely wrong.

For one, Kim Hongjoong didn’t look like a hardened mafia boss. He looked like the type of person you would see backstage at a fashion show, running the event. He was dressed eclectically, and you noticed some similarities to San’s style. The faux fur coat gave him a large silhouette considering he was a short man. His fingers were all covered in large rings, his top was silk, and your were sure his pants were so tight, if he had a quarter in his pocket you’d be able to tell if it was heads or tails.

“You can blame San’s fashion literacy on me. He’s like a Barbie doll, he’ll wear whatever I throw at him.” Hongjoong said with a bright smile. Ah, so that explained it.

Park Seonghwa was a bit more striking, wearing all black and looking ab it like an angry storm cloud.

“It’s nice to meet you Y/N.” he said, shaking your hand.

“Don’t be so intimidated, Seonghwa’s a real softy, he just looks like that because he’s an Aries.” San whispered, and San whacked him on the shoulder.

“Shut up Sannie.” Seonghwa scolded and you looked at San with mirth in your eyes.

“Sannie?”

“He’s just being stupid. Here, talk to Mingi.” he said, pushing you towards the giant as he got into a spat with Seonghwa.

You looked at Mingi awkward without San’s hand resting comfortably at the small of your back.

“Hi, I’m Song Mingi, it’s nice to meet you.” he said, breaking into a bright smile.

You automatically relaxed. Despite the fact that Mingi was dressed like he’d just stepped out of the Matrix, he was a huge softie. His business partner Yunho appeared, and they kind of looked like complete opposites, with Yunho dressed in a fluffy sweater and Mingi decked out in leather.

San came back after you met Yunho, steering you to meet Yeosang. San had said he was kind of shy, which you could tell by the way he kept hiding behind his drink. He definitely didn’t look like the owner of multiple charities and jewelry companies. He looked like a fairy that wanted very much to be at home right now.

Then it was Jongho. He was dressed like a stereotypical athlete, joggers and a hoodie, even in such a nice restaurant. You were sure they had a dress code, but maybe if you coached three Olympic martial arts teams, you got a free pass to wear slides instead of real shoes. Honestly, Jongho was the most intimidating, but that was mainly because you’d seen him pick up a table and threaten Yunho not ten minutes prior to meeting him. He laughed when you stuttered out your introduction.

“Oh, I promise, I’m not the one you should be afraid of.” he says with a wink, sliding way before San can hit him.

“What was that about?” you ask but San just chuckles.

“He’s just joking. Come on I saved the best for last.” he says, leading you around the table.

The last one you meet is Wooyoung, San’s best friend. He smiles lopsidely when you approach, sweeping down into a bow and kissing the back of your palm.

“So you’re San’s latest obsession….. I can tell why he’s infatuated with you.” Wooyoung joked and San rolled his eyes.

“Quit playing around dude.”

Wooyoung laugh, his face breaking out into a full smile. He hugs San, and when his shirt rides up you catch a glimpse of an intricate black tattoo on his side. Maybe he and San have matching tattoos?

Lunch goes smoothly, with the boys teasing each other about inside jokes San explains into your ear. That being said, you’re not left out of the conversation at all. San has apparently been telling his friends a lot about you, and they have a lot of questions. You try to answer them all to the best of your ability but you’re feeling a bit overwhelmed. San must do or say something that tips them off, because they start toning it down.

Hongjoong is the only one to ask about the investigation, jokingly asking if you think they’re really triad members. You laugh along, saying that Jongho seems a little sketchy. It must be the right answer, because it earns you a round of laughter from the table.

After the meal while San is fetching your coats, Yeosang approaches you. You’re suprised, considering how quiet he is.

“Be careful with San. He can be pretty…. One-track minded when it comes to relationships.” Yeosang says.

“What do you mean?” you ask.

Yeosang shrugs, seeing San approaching you.

“He gets attached easily and quickly. Go slowly with him, or before you know it you’ll be moving way too fast.” he says, and walks away before San steps up behind you.

“Oh, Yeosang said something to you. Was he nice?” San asked, helping you into your coat.

“Uh, I guess?”

San smiled and booped your nose with his finger.

“Let’s get you home, hmm?”

Get you home turns into coming u for a coffee, which turns into watching Netflix which turns into making out on your couch, which turns into making out in your bed, which turns into tearing each other’s clothes off and pressing hot kisses into each other’s mouths, and sucking dark red marks on San’s neck as his fingers leave bruises on your hips. You gasp against San’s mouth and he groans in the prettiest way when you grind your knee up against the bulge in his slacks.

“Slow down, you don’t want to start something you can’t finish babe.” San hums.

The other night when you asked San to distract you, you’d stopped at heavy petting keeping it above the belt and PG-13. Tonight, there were no such boundaries and San seemed intent on making one thing very clear: you belonged to him.

#ateez #ateez san #san #choi san #san x reader #choi san x reader #ateez x reader #san scenarios #san imagines #san fanfic #ateez fanfic

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simptasia · 4 years

Note

hc questions 5, 6, 7, 26, 44 & 47 for any or all of the science team members if you want? :)

oh bless!! thank you!! i’ll go with My Beloved Three, as usual, the sci trio

Cleanliness habits (personal, workspace, etc.)

my hcs on this have wobbled over time but overall i imagine dan, char and miles are all like, fairly, neat. tho they all have a tendency to leave papers around

and miles doesn’t make the bed as much. cuz imagining miles napping in rumpled quilts is a very cute mental image. hair disheveled

i think a good term for whats going on with dan and char is Organized Chaos. they’re both scientists (and a musician) for heck’s sake. it doesn’t look like they know what they’re doing but they do. but ur not gonna walk into their house(s) and be like “ugh gross what the fuck”. it’s nice. dan tends to make the bed

and i imagine dan keeps The Rat Room (yes, you heard me) immaculate because you reeeeeeally want that area to be well cared for

as for personal, lets get this out of the way, none of them are yucky. but dan is showering the least, just due to absent mindedness and hyperfixation. like ya really get into a project and then suddenly oh fuck i need a shower. but thats relative. he’s not a stinky gross boy. i imagine miles washes the most because like, he has body piercings and those GOTTA be cleaned every day, especially the downstairs one. miles values his dick, he don’t want an infection

also its amazing how much more you shower/bathe when you have a partner. or in this case, two partners. in general and for sexy purposes. hell yeah

well thats enough of me picturing these three showering, moving on

Eating habits and sample daily menu

its odd how often i’ve pictured these people eating together

dan: eats the least (and for once that isn’t a skinny joke, he could eat cake every day and he’d still be like that) because for the most part he doesn’t have much of an appetite. he eats what he needs, with random bursts of being really hungry (it’s a neurodivergent thing). i imagine he has a extra fondness for pasta and can put a surprising amount of it away when he wants to. tho typically for ease, he’ll stick to noodles. he takes his coffee mild and decaf. i hc him as a vegetarian due to not being able to process meat. his body also cannot handle alcohol and the one time he tried it he needed to be hospitalized. his ice cream preference is vanilla with chocolate sprinkles. or honeycomb. favourite vegetable is capsicum (which he’d call a bell pepper because he’s american), favourite fruit is pineapple. on that note he likes pineapple pizza. overall he eats simple but isn’t against trying new things. he has a very neutral disposition towards food

char: of the trio, i define charlotte as the Loud Passionate One so obviously being a big eater goes with that, likes a big breakfast (eggs, sausages, sometimes french toast!), sometimes skips lunch when she’s working at the museum due to focus, has a ravenous sweet tooth (i haven’t been subtle that i’ve made her ADORE chocolate but in general i see her liking sweet things), she can handle eating less tho because she’s gone on plenty of expeditions and such. so i think she eats a lot under normal circumstances because, like, she can. i don’t think i need to tell you what her ice cream or starbucks preferences are, do i? takes her coffee with three sugars, two coffees and creamy. likes mochas and hot chocolates too. with marshmallows. naturally, her fave kind of chocolate is galaxy because she is an English Woman. another fave of hers is cadbury’s creme eggs. but lest you think Good Lord Sapphire This Woman’s Entire Body Is A Sugar Molecule, don’t worry she does eat well. like veggies, fruits, meats, she’s fine. of meats, she has a fondness for fish (i have no further information, im terrible with fish. but she’s a pom, so...). favourite fruit is pear, favourite vegetable is peas. likes a bacardi, or rum and coke

miles: he eats a “normal” amount but he’s a grazer. which means, not so much Set Meal eating than eating/snacking thru out the day. he takes his coffee black, no surprise, but with sugar! see, its a metaphor. for him. likes fried eggs and hash browns. his fave food is very cheap mac and cheese. i think in general he really likes cheese. he doesn’t have complicated tastes, like, he grew up poor. he likes seafood (in particular fish tacos) but not lobster as he discovered when he got cashed up. he likes salty food but likes sweets too, in particular i can imagine him snacking on m&ms, skittles, gummi bears. little things. doesn’t have a fave vegetable because he doesn’t care enough, to him veggies are things to eat so you won’t die. doesn’t hate him but isn’t excited to eat ‘em. fave ice cream is mint choc. he’ll drink whatever (except for vodka) but is used to beer. thinks pineapple on pizza is an abomination, espech since he really likes pizza otherwise. i consider him a food opportunist, like, oh theres food here? yoink. or like, oh hey, if everybody else is eating, i’ll have whatever’s going on

....i feel like whenever i write hcs about these guys my brain takes on their tone. like, that was a lot of short, eh whatever, sentences for miles there

Favorite way to waste time and feelings surrounding wasting time

dan:

- reading (really depends on how you define Wasting Time). also he composes music and when he was alive, that was considered wasting time (ugh)

- sometimes even just doing hobbies or work or whatever, even then, he tends to have this feeling of never doing enough due to his Perfectly Healthy And Supportive Upbringing [seethes] so uhhhh basically, anxiety? like this was a dude raised to think anything other than his work was a waste of time. it didn’t exactly work but a decent amount of that Pressure has to still sit with him

char:

- watching tv, espech star trek

- not a waste of time if you’re enjoying yourself

miles:

- card and board games (weren’t expecting that, were ya? i’m not saying that's his Fave Thing To Do, but he considers that a good chill out thing to do. something to do when ur bored but you don’t feel like watching tv or having sex)

- “it’s something to do”

Do they have any plans for the future? Any contingency plans if things don’t workout?

dan:

for original lifetime dan, it was Do Science, Make Mom Proud (tiny voice: and maybe spend the rest of my life with charlotte. if i’m lucky. maybe. please? love?) cuz i imagine dan, although very focussed on the future, actually doesn’t think/care about HIS future. i just don’t think he cares about himself enough

limbo dan is like Make Music, Love Charlotte. which is fair. and then Love Miles on top of that. so yeah, just wants to be a good musician and husband. and one day, father. with char actually in his life in this world, thats def on his mind. he won’t bring it up tho, he’ll wait for her to mention it :3

(dan’s canon contingency plan for things not working out is hydrogen bomb)

char:

alive char, like, ADVENTURE! ISLAND! SOLVE MYSTERIES! that makes it sound like she’s a fucking scooby doo character. i mean, her Goal was to find the island and find out what the fucky duck is going on. she did that. and overall his goals seem like adventure/career orientated. i hc that this version of char never intended on getting married or having kids. she wasn’t Against the ideas and she’s certainly had romances but she was more thinking of other things. (that and i think deep down char thought nobody would ever wanna marry her)

in limboverse There Is No Mystery but she still has her great job(s), that is she works at a museum and i think she goes on expeditions sometimes. so theres that, she’s got the great career. really, her Plan for the future in this world is live the live she couldn’t before. she (and dan!) died young so they’re gonna like, actively adore each other and get married and have kids. and also miles is there. ha, that sounded so rude. she loves miles too. (besties/fuck buddies turned Hey You Wanna Join Me And Dan’s Relationship and miles like... yeah sure)

miles:

step one: get money to fill gaping hole of sadness in chest

step two: ????

step three: die

and even my limbo miles whomst i’ve put with dan and char doesn’t have any plans for the future, besides like, do his job and maybe become a dad again (context: i hc that miles had two kids with richard when he was alive). so he’s still chilling but without the depressing ache of loneliness and bitterness

so basically long story short for all of them (in limboverse): Love & Family

Superstitions or views on the occult?

ohooo i like this one

dan: didn’t grow up believing in magic and such (which is super ironic because his mother is a fucking other) but he has a very open mind. i think he’ll believe it if he’s thrust into the situation. it’s interesting really, dan is known as the science guy and that's great but he’s super fucking accepting of not science shit. tho of course, he’s not seeing the island time travel as magic but science. but more importantly, he regards miles’ powers with zero doubt or questioning. he doesn’t even seem confused, he is absolutely on board with miles being able to talk to dead people. this all implies miles told him off screen and dan believes him

so basically he’ll accept whatever is presented to him as true

which honestly, is what a good scientist is like. the trope of the scientist character who is ultra non believing of the supernatural, even when they’re seeing it before their eyes, is annoying. like, you know the ones? the ones who get angry about it. the overly skeptical scientist. hate that. dan is not that

and his character arc includes embracing free will over destiny so there's that

char: she’s not superstitious and doesn’t believe in magic or the supernatural at all. tho thrown into bizarre situations she’s like ???? but has to accept it. and she KNOWS something is up with the island. she knows its different. i just mean, under normal circumstances she’d regard magic stuff as funny nonsense. i hc that char, in living life, doesn’t believe miles can speak to the dead. really fucking weird this isn’t addressed in the show but hahaaaa they wasted char! anyways and like, if presented with the concept that dan’s brain damage is being healed by the island, she’d look confused, say thats impossible but she’d think on it

what i’m saying is she’ll rule out magic concepts at first, on reflex. but would grow to accept them, especially with stuff she knows/has repressed

she doesn’t believe in ghosts, psychics, visions, magic healing and all those exist in her world, so it’s all a matter of experience

miles: WELL WHADDYA THINK

actually it’s funny. miles has magic powers but he’s 0% superstitious and i imagine outside of his own powers, he really doesn’t believe in the occult. i hc that until he personally proved otherwise, he grew up thinking he was mentally ill. and once he realised it was true, thought he was some kind of freak

and he’s incredulous when he finds out hurley has powers too. tho miles, being miles, does roll with the punches a lot in the show, he’s skeptical when it comes to hurley's power. and i find that interesting. also i fucking love how when hurley describes his power, miles says “thats not how it works”, like ???? babe???

but overall his attitude on the island is like “well. this is happening”

i do think thru his life, despite his power, he doesn’t believe in All Magic or occult or whatever. i also hc that he attracted those kind of people who are REALLY into astrology and auras and stuff like that and he found them exasperating. (i think he’d be a lot more okay with it if it was claire who was talking about astrology and palm reading with him. he’d be endeared when its her)

and i think he thinks other psychics he’s met or seen on tv are straight up bullshit. he can believe he has it but he’s skeptical of other people. just assumes they’re scammers. hell, he was a scammer. who just happened to have the power. he was like “well i have this, i may as well get some use outta it”

oh and in limboverse, they all kinda have to accept their situation. and they take it with ease due to appreciating getting happier lives

How do they express love?

a dan who loves you will pet your face and look at you like ur his entire reason to live. a char who loves you will squeak at your jokes and will never once let you feel bad about yourself. a miles who loves you is sorry he isn’t better at this stuff but he really is trying... sure we can cuddle if you wanna, that’s cool v///v

the dan and char we saw in the show was them holding back and i find that very amusing because they were HEART EYES AS FUCK for each other and so affectionate and so soft hearted, like oh my gosh. canon show dan/char is them when they’re pining... when they’re not even a couple (yet, damn it)

imagine them at full power

i figured it out, dan/char couldn’t be an Official Couple because then jeremy davies and rebecca mader would have destroyed us all, especially me

anyways. they’re both very protective of each other. they... they touch each other a lot. like a lot for people who aren’t dating and whomst don’t think the other one loves them. like char is surprised when dan says he loves her. that fucking astonishes me. HE’S NOT SUBTLE. char are you okay???

dan is more open about the love than char, seeing as he said it. and double downed on it. char i feel was holding back for different reasons than dan. dan was holding back (fucking barely) because of eloise’s Love Will Only Bring Pain upbringing, which’d give somebody a serious complex. so he was adverse to actually pursuing a relationship AND i figure he thought “she wouldn’t wanna be with me anyways”. but char i imagine, a deep seated insecurity and need to be defensive, but also! dan was like REALLY mentally unwell before the island. and that's the dan that char knows (and loves) but she’d feel guilty if she pursued anything with him. like she’s taking advantage of a brain damaged person

ah fuck i went on a big thing about why they didn’t become a couple instead of like.... the question. how do they express love? like they did in the show. smiles, touches, longing gazes, protectiveness. they would die for each other

as for miles, how does he express love? Not Well. at first

whoever is the first person he fell in love with (i imagine richard), he was not good at... being open about that. i don’t think miles is good with love. lived his life pretty detached/bitter about the concept, which i imagine is due to having cynicism about life and death. everybody you love is gonna die, so why bother? (his mom dying hit him pretty hard) so uhhh its gonna be... baby steps

slowly becoming more open about liking somebody, becoming more affectionate, more... uh, couple-y (and later throuple-y). it’d take time and he will always be miles, but hey, he gets there. he’ll still always have his snark but he won’t be a Genuine Asshole to people he loves. heck, i imagine he’ll be downright soft in the right situation. and he can be gentle and kind. he’s a salty boy not a cunt

but i digress. basically he’s a little “yeah, yeah, i love you too, shut up” about it but he does have that soft gooey center. basically those who know him, and love him, know his true heart. it’s just a part of being miles “defensive walls” straume

feels love (and even that takes him a while to realise, cuz he hasn’t been a romantic relationship kinda guy, most of his life his relationships have been a Just Sex thing), not Great at like... Doing Love, you know what i mean? but like once he’s used to it, he can be quite a tender little pudding cup, actually

#asalesbian #lost headcanons #BRUH I WROTE SO MUCH #SOOOO MUCH #sometimes i hold back #but this time i took the chance to go on some tangents and such #i really enjoyed this!

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purplesurveys · 4 years

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662

What is the wallpaper on your computer screen? Why did you choose it? It’s one of the default Mac wallpapers, but I picked the shot with a pinkish hue, because pink. The default ones are already pretty enough, so I don’t feel the need to scour the web for the perfect wallpaper image. Is there a pattern on the pants you’re currently wearing? Which one? I’m currently wearing a romper. It’s just plain sky blue. Do you like going to baby showers? Do you go only for the cake? As an Asian, I can tell you baby showers are hugely a first-world thing. I think the more hip, Western-influenced, and upper-middle millennials and Gen Z Asian crowd can have the means to do them, but it’s like 90% not a thing here. In a region where there’s poverty in front of you, only the rich can pull them off; and for most of us, the biggest concern is that the baby remains healthy. Who is the person you text the most in your life? What relation are you? Gabie, probs. Girlfriend. Angela, my best friend, comes a close second. Mexican food, Chinese food, Italian food, French food or American food? Chinese > Mexican > Italian > American > French. I think I only like French cuisine for their pastries and escargot, but that’s about it.

Has there ever been a time in your life, you felt sexually undecided? Yeah. I still get confused about it from time to time, so eventually I just slapped the term demisexual on me and by far it’s been the most fitting for me. Does your mother annoy you when the holidays come along in the year? No? If anything I get worried a lot more because she comes home a lot late, and it always turns out to be because she spends the entire evening gift-shopping for family, friends, and co-workers hahahaha. What is the color scheme of your absolute favorite fast-food restaurant? I don’t really have a favorite fast food place anymore... if it counts, maybe Yellow Cab? They have a yellow and black color scheme, like the literal yellow cabs of New York. Do you think tattoos and piercings are sexy on the opposite sex? I don’t mind them; I don’t think of them in terms of being ~sexy lmao. Do people ever ask you to do things they’re too short to accomplish? Nah I’m usually the short one who needs people to reach stuff for me. Do your siblings bring people around that your parents don’t approve of? Mmm nope, not really. My mom loves my sister’s boyfriend, and as far as I know my brother doesn’t bring anybody home. Is there carpet or hardwood floor in your bedroom? Hardwood. I don’t know if there’s any Filipino home that has carpet floors. Do you check the texture of things first or the smell of them? As much as I hate this habit of mine, I tend to want to know the smell of everything. I only check the texture if I think it’s going to be satisfying, like if it’s anything like slime or sand. Have you ever broken the arm or head off of a trophy? How did you do this? Nope. I don’t think I’ve already even held a trophy before. Do you believe in superstitious things such as breaking a mirror? I only follow one superstition that has something to do with my school, but that’s it. I don’t obsess over it and I know it’s fake, but ‘following’ what the superstition says hasn’t gotten me in trouble in my last four years in university, so I just continue following it HAHA. Do you get sick of people who call themselves bipolar all the time? I do hate it but fortunately a lot of people are now more sensitive when it comes to mental health and mental health issues. I don’t hear this word thrown as much as it was in like 2011 anymore. Ever have an ultra-sound performed on you? What was it for? Nah, no reason to. I’ve only had X-rays of my spine taken. Do you like those ‘end of the world,’ ‘Armageddon’ movies? Never did. I was never into the whole apocalypse/disaster/wartime genres. What color are the headphones you have at this moment in time? I don’t have headphones. And I also don’t have earphones anymore :( I want a new pair soooo baaaaadddd. Ever been choked severely on something during lunch at your school? I’ve never choked on solids, but I’ve choked on water several times, when the droplets get stuck in your throat and your lungs get all confused and you’re left gasping for air but you just choke some more because the water in your throat blocks any air from coming in, so you end up coughing to near death. The last time this happened was during a lunch break in my INTERNSHIP, and it was so embarrassing because I couldn’t tell them what was happening, I was just coughing frantically and slowly turning red lol.

Do you remember who you sat next to in Kindergarten? Who was it? Yeah, the girl in front of me in the class list was I think Kaira, and the one after me was Kaye. I was friends with Kaira throughout high school and we still are today, but back in kinder she used to be my bully. But during recess, I usually sat beside a girl named Raegan, who was one of my good friends for a while. Has anyone ever compared you to an animal? Which one(s)? I don’t think so. Has anyone, including yourself, forgot it was your own birthday? On my 18th birthday my high school friend group completely forgot. It makes me feel like shit every time it’s brought up, so we’re not bringing it up tonight. Chocolate or strawberry birthday cake? Choose one. Chocolate! Do you eat more vegetables or fruits? What’s your favorite fruit/veggie? I loooooove me some vegetables – I’d try all of them in a heartbeat. My favorite is broccoli. And I hate most fruits, but I’ll give an exception to avocado. Do you abbreviate things way too often? Do you get called out on it? Not really, I just use the usual shortcuts – lol, lmao, rn, tbh, idk. My mom would get confused sometimes and ask me for the meaning of some abbreviations I use, but she doesn’t ‘call me out’ on it. Ever been in one of those church Christmas plays before? Why/why not? Hahahaha no, because I never wanted to join and it’s one of those things I’d never allow myself to be in no matter how much my mom forced me. What is the funniest conjunction you use throughout your day? ...Are conjunctions supposed to be funny? Have you ever thrown a roll of toilet paper at someone before? Nope. Does the dentist calm you or does it tend to stress you out? I like the dentist. I’ve never had big issues with my teeth (save for my worst ever toothache last year), so the idea of having my teeth cleaned and treated is actually pretty calming to me. The one time it ever stressed me out was when my dentist had to extract a dead tooth and he had to put three injections on the roof of my mouth. It was the first time I’ve ever caught myself literally shaking in fear, huhuhuhu. If you had to choose, which is the worst movie you’ve ever seen? Jack and Jill, for movies that are objectively bad. But in general, Knives Out was a big fucking waste of my time and money. Have you ever found yourself talking to an inanimate object? When I say sorry for bumping into them D: Do you like movies that are originally based on children’s books? Not all of them. Some were hits for me like Charlotte’s Web and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and some I didn’t really care for, like Coraline. Is your hair more thick or thin? Is it more curly or straight? THICK. So thick I could never pull off a bob, even though I’ve had the desire to adopt it as my look for a while now. It’s straight but it’ll sometimes be wavy. Something on the human body that grosses you out the most: Raised moles. Do you like meeting new people? What’s your most common greeting? Uhhhh I’m okay with meeting new people but it still depends on their crowd or the air that they carry around them. If I have a meh feeling about them or if their body language initially rubs me off the wrong way, I’d be hesitant. With my situation now, I usually say hi, tell them my name, we exchange our courses, then we talk about school stuff to break the ice. Ever think of what it would be like to be a mermaid or merman? Not really. Ariel has since showed me that it wouldn’t mean much, so I never actively wanted to be a mermaid. If you had to choose, which celebrity would you date out of all of them? Kristen Stewart or Hayley Williams. Do people feel sorry for you for no reason? Have they ever? I don’t think so. Idk, idk how people feel about me. What is something that bothers you about most surveys in general? I never liked surveys that go too deep, like those that ask me what I think of socialism or abortion, hhhhhhhh. I answer surveys so I can talk about my dog, say what I learned in school, or discuss who I had lunch with, and not to get all political. Simple yes/no questions can also be annoying so most times I elaborate. Who would you take with you on a stranded/deserted island? Maybe Gab? She’s super smart and resourceful and makes everything work haha. Do you have your own personal boom box in your bedroom? No. I was too young to want to have one. Would you survive if zombies were to take over the world? Why or why not? Probably not. I can’t even cross the street without holding on for dear life to my friends’ arms lmaoooooo. What would you say is the worst part of high school period? Adjusting. I took a while to, and when I hadn’t yet, it was the worst. I was left out of everything, had no opportunity to figure out who I was or what I needed at the time, and nothing and no one approached me unless I did so myself. What is your favorite color of apple? Red, green or yellow? I don’t like apples. Ever want to be a doctor? Is it because of all the hospital shows? I never wanted to be a doctor as a kid, but now I do see the point in going to med school. I’ve always liked and been good at memorizing names and terms, and biology is my favorite subject along with history, so a part of me thinks what could have happened if I pursued some specialization of med. As for hospital shows, I’ve never seen one. What do you think of all these reality shows that try to alter personality? I’m not sure what they mean? Don’t they all do that? Reality TV personalities always seem like much exaggerated versions of themselves. Where are your favorite pair of shoes in the whole world right now? I wear it too much but my Onitsuka Tiger sneakers are a k e e p e r. So comfy and such a classy-looking pair. Do you live anywhere near a mall? If you live in the Philippines, there is an 80–90% chance you live near a mall. In my case, I just live quite far from the main entrance of our gated village so it’s a bit of a drive; but the village itself is like two minutes away from one mall, four minutes away from two others, and five minutes away from still another one. Malling is pretty much the national pastime, so we’re loaded with them. Do you like drawing smiley faces or do you think they’re overrated? They’re pretty harmless, I don’t see why they should be deemed as overrated lol. If you were dying who would you say goodbye to first out of everyone? Gabie. Are you someone who actually likes to babysit children? I’ve never formally baby-sat someone, actually; at best I was put in charge of my younger siblings and cousins and looked out for them and took up the position of the responsible older sister whenever our parents weren’t watching. But to me it was already kinda like babysitting based on what I’ve seen in American TV hahahaha, and I always liked that sort of task. Do you ever have those ‘ah ha!’ moments? Do those annoy you? If the a-ha moment meant I was stupid in the past, then yes it would annoy me. Like for example if I’m driving somewhere and already far from home, then had an a-ha moment that I forgot something important back at the house, then I’d be pretty pissed with myself. But if the a-ha moment was something like a realization, I’d be relieved to have it. Do you hardly ever remember where you put things at? YES I HATE that about myself. I’ve lost earphones, my Hydro Flask, my yellow pad paper, readings, jackets, hair ties, socks, and school IDs because of it. What’s your favorite lunch meat, if you even like any in the first place? I don’t eat lunch meat. When is the next time you’ll eat a cupcake, if you know when? I have no clue :( Cupcakes are one of my favorite desserts though, but they’re just so hard to find or get. Where did you last buy socks from? What do those socks look like? The last time I bought socks was like 2015, back when they were a trend here for some reason. It has a bacon and eggs design, and I actually just wore them the other day haha. Do you ever lay in the grass and look up at the sky, just because? I’d look up at the sky, but not on grass. I find it itchy. When do you normally go to sleep on the weekends? Depends on what and how much I did during the day and how tired I am. Like just earlier (Friday evening) I was passed out by 9:30 because I stayed up til 2 AM working on a Powerpoint and had to wake up at 6 in the morning to continue working. But other nights I could stay up till midnight. Have you ever met someone with the same ‘biggest fear’ as you? I haven’t met anyone afraid of knives and injections and any sharp stuff like me, no. Do you ever have movie nights with your significant other? We don’t do movie nights ever, which I recently and finally realized when we did sit down and watch Titanic together a couple of weeks ago lmaaaaaaaaao. It was honestly really fun doing it and I remember remarking that we in fact never did movie nights in the last four years. Would you rather write with a pen or a pencil? Why is this? Pen. It’s just more convenient for me. Pencils get blunt as you use them, and I’m too impatient for that. Do you like candy bars? Are you trying to slack off of them? I honestly have nothing against them, but given that I have several many relatives who work overseas and have brought home candy bars as pasalubong (gifts) in the last 22 years of my existence... you can imagine how tired I can get of them. What is your favorite number? Is it significant with your life? 4. Not really. It just reminds me of Beyoncé and happier days haha. Are you afraid of being kidnapped if you go outside at nighttime? Yup. That’s why I never walk outside at night except when I’m at a mall or in school. I just drive everywhere. Has your mother ever called your school because of your grades? No. Whenever I struggled in school it was always just due to either 1 or 2 subjects, so there was no reason to ring up our adviser as it was never that worrisome in my case. I was never failing all my classes at the same time, basically. In the next twenty minutes, what will you be doing and where will you be? Maybe another survey or watching BoJack Horseman? Idk. It’s 3:44 AM and I’m pretty awake so I dunno if I’d still want to sleep. Do you like showers or baths better? Why did you choose your choice? Showerrrr. It’s quicker, plus it’s what I do more often. Are you a controversial person? Do your views oppose others? This was me as a teenager because I thought it would be cool to be edgy and have a different opinion than everyone else BLECK please delete that person lmfao. But now, hmmm the way I’d explain it is that in the case of e.g. being pro-choice, LGBT, critical of the Catholic Church, basically the more liberal ideas, I seem to be in the majority opinion about relevant issues on the Internet/social media.

But I live in the Philippines, where society is still mostly traditional, conservative, modest, and disapproving of a lot of the progressive stuff happening in the rest of the world – hell, divorce isn’t even legal here. That said, a lot of my views which would otherwise line up with those on social media or those in like US or Canada or Europe would get me a lot of hate and criticism in the Philippines, especially among the older generation. Have you ever thrown a surprise party for someone? Who for? Yeah we threw one for Dave a few years back. My friends also threw an advanced surprise party for Raf on my actual birthday, and I was too hurt about it so I didn’t attend. What would you say your average word per minute time is on the keyboard? We did this in class once for fun when we weren’t really discussing anything, and if I remember anything I hit somewhere between 70-80 words. What is your least favorite class in school? Why is this? Chemistry, calculus, and trigonometry. So fucking useless. Do you bite your fingernails or tap them on desks? I tap my nails onto desks. I only bite them when I’m anxious. Have you ever wanted to be in a band? What position exactly? I wanted to learn the drums but never explicitly wanted to be in a band. Who is your role model or hero in life if you have one? No role models for me. Do you ever call your cousins just to talk to them randomly? No. We’re close, but we’re also busy, so the only time we get to catch up is when we get to have family lunches/reunions. Do you find any of your friends’ parents creepy or really mean? Not at all. All of my friends’ parents have been lovely. Do you ever have to wash your clothes at someone else’s house? Nope. When is the next time you’ll go to the library? Why is this? I dunno actually. I don’t really have to pick up a book to read for a class right now. Do you like fiction or non-fiction books more? What’s your favorite? Non-fiction. I don’t have a favorite but I will sit down and read any biography you offer me. Do you constantly have to be told to shut up? By who? No, and that would hurt, I think. I have friends who I lowkey think are too talkative for my social battery, but I’d never tell them to shut up. Do you know how to play pool? Are you any good at it? Nah. I don’t even know how to swing(?) the cue. Do you treat others as you’d like to be treated? Have you always? Yeah, I always try to. I always assume or imagine they’re going through something, so I always try to be a little kinder. Were you a really mean kid or a sweet and quiet kid? I was quiet, neither mean nor sweet. I didn’t make trouble at all but I wasn’t exactly the most darling of kids either haha. I was just too shy to move or talk. Are you someone who likes to get in arguments or fights a lot? I’d get in one if I have to, but I don’t thrive on them. How do you make sure people know you don’t like them at all? I don’t have to make a big spectacle about it if I don’t like someone for whatever reason. I can still be polite and civil if I have to interact with them. < Pretty much. The one way someone would know (if they even notice at all) is that if I would do anything and everything to avoid having to talk to them. Would you say you’re someone who likes to cuss a lot? I say shit and fuck pretty often. Do you keep secrets from your parents that you don’t keep from your friends? My entire relationship is a glaring answer to this. What is your father’s best friend’s name? Do you know them personally? I don’t know if my dad has one. He has close friends, but not sure about a best friend. If you had to, where would you get a tattoo at? Why? Inner wrist, but I know that would hurt so I might just settle with having no tattoos ever haha. I picked it becauuuuse, idk, it just seems pretty intimate to me. How much was the cell phone you have at this moment in time? It was the newest model when I got it so it cost like P45,000 or a little less than $1000. Would you say you hang out with people the majority of your life? Yes. For the last 18 years my life has revolved around going to school, so I’m allllllways around people. What would you do if you woke up randomly with purple hair? I’d be pissed and try to hunt down whoever dyed my hair in my sleep, but then afterwards I’d assess if it suits me or not HAHAHA. It’s dyed anyway, so I might as well make sure I look good with it. Do you ever look in the mirror and name all of your flaws for no reason? Yeah, especially the ones on my face. Doesn’t get to happen a lot but I’d do it occasionally. Are you getting sick of the reality show Survivor? Why? I never watched it, but I’m surprised it’s still on. < This. Do you usually explain to people why you do the things you do? It depends what I do but generally, I’m not weird or crazy or daring enough for me to have to explain myself to people all the time. In contrast, I have an org-mate who’s a little on the...experimental side, and we have caught him trying to drink glue or stabbing himself with a pen. He always says he just wants to know how it smells/tastes/feels like, depending on the situation. We’re all lowkey concerned about him though lol. Ever submit a video to America’s Funniest Home Videos? We didn’t, because I don’t live in America. The most painful medical procedure you’ve ever had? Anything that had me getting pricked, so like platelet count tests and the one time I needed to get IV placed on my wrist. I’m WINCING just thinking about them. Are you someone who likes to eat Poptarts? What’s your favorite flavor? Love Poptarts, my favorite is the chocolate one. We don’t get a lot of flavors here, hence the basic choice. Ever have a dream you’re being abducted by aliens? Was it scary? Never. Do you like people who are loud or people who are quiet? I like quiet people who can get chatty and loud when necessary. Does personality weigh out the sense of ‘good looks?’ In terms of who I find attractive? Not really, looks still matter to me. When is the next time you’ll see someone who is pregnant? I only know one person who is and I only see that girl like once a decade lmao so I have no clue if I’ll see anyone else who’s pregnant. Do you hate it when people copy the things you do? No, unless it’s the exact same thing I’ve been doing. Where is your favorite piece of electronic equipment? It is on the drawer next to my bed. Where is the person who ‘owns your heart’ at this moment in time? She’s in her dorm, all passed out considering it’s 4:40 AM lol. Has anyone ever told you that you’re good at cooking? Hell no. I’d tell them they’re completely mistaking me for a different person, because I don’t enter the kitchen at allllllll. Would you say you’re a fast texter, or are you pretty slow? I’m fast. What is your favorite flavor of Doritos? What do you drink with them? Nacho Cheese is fine with me. Do you have any enemies who you think are dangerous? I don’t have any enemies. < Yep. Do you ever try to squeeze information out of people? Sure. It comes with being a journ student lmao. Does it freak you out when the police drive by your house? I live in a private village so this never happens. I do get paranoid when I’m driving and there’s a police car coming from behind me, though. Are you someone who tends to take a whole lot of naps? Not really. I always have a lot of work to do so I can’t nap even though I would want to. What is your favorite nickname you like to be called? Why do you like it? I’m fine with Robyn. I’ve gone by it since I was four. Do you already have your outfit for tomorrow planned out? Eh not really. I usually don’t think of my Sunday outfits until I’m actually already in front of the closet anyway. I never feel like making an effort for church. What is the color of your favorite pair of pants? What brand are they? Blue. No clue, but they’re mom jeans. Has your favorite song ever been featured on a commercial? Nah. I’ve never heard Paramore on a commercial. Do you ever promise pc4pc on Myspace then never return the favor? I never did Myspace. I’m vaguely familiar with the slang, though. What is one song right now that really gets on your nerves? That new Demi Lovato ballad. Bless her for allowing herself to be vulnerable on that track, but for the most part I cannotttttt stand her voice. What would you say was the best year of your life? Why? 2014, a lot of things seemed to fall into my lap back then, and I was simply happy and satisfied. Do those annoying infomercials ever draw you in to buy things? I have never been convinced to buy anything they sell but I WILL spend hours watching the commercials just because of how entertaining they are. Have you ever been pulled over by the cops for speeding? No. Speeding isn’t an issue here tbh. If it was nearly everybody would be pulled over, I think. Common reasons for being pulled over are like making illegal u-turns, overtaking on a solid double line, or being caught driving when your car is under coding for that day. Is anyone in your family a firefighter? Who is it anyway? Nope.

#survey #surveys

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that-buckley-gal · 5 years

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Powerless - Chapter Fifteen

January 19, 1945

I’ve been slowly learning to handle my powers during the past six months. The big reveal came when a fire broke out in Howard’s lab and I somehow managed to keep it contained until everyone else could put it out with fire extinguishers. Steve, Bucky, and Peggy got the full history – with my father’s letters backing me up – while everyone else got a simple “My dad had powers too”.

I wasn’t allowed out on missions with the Commandos, not that I minded, as I wasn’t sure how long it would take for my still-incoming powers to develop and for me to learn to control it. Instead, Howard elevated me to be a full-time assistant for him and I loved it as mundane as it sounded.

My schedule was pretty flexible as things were constantly changing around base. One day I could be filling out orders for things that Howard needed, and the next I’ll be making observations of his experiments. Other days I’d be with Peggy, who taught me more fighting styles and how to shoot a gun as well as sneak around in case the occasion ever called for it. Bless her. Steve and Bucky also weren’t strangers to my growing skill set either. Once, as a joke, Bucky tried to scare me, and he ended up on the floor with my elbow digging into his side. Howard witnessed the whole thing and was proud for “hiring” me as his assistant because I could also double as a bodyguard if the occasion ever called for it. Of course, when he’d start to joke around about me protecting him, I’d shut him up by flinging my shield at him, and would always grin when it came back to me after bouncing off the wall. At the end of those days though, I would usually go home to Bucky, if the Commandos weren’t on a mission, and would cuddle up to him. Nights in were spent in the kitchen, Bucky trying to learn how to cook from me, even though I wasn’t a master chef myself. Cleaning up after dinner has become something we do together as well though sometimes I’d kick him out after he gets water and suds everywhere trying to have a “water fight”. Some nights we’d go out and watch a movie, or even dancing at the local club. Occasionally we’ll both go drinking in the pub, and Bucky will end up carrying me home after about an hour. It’s really sweet how he takes care of me.

I can’t hold my liquor very well. And instead of nursing my hangover one morning, I stumbled down to meet Peggy for our morning run. Not even thirty feet into it, did I have to stop and get sick in a bush. Peggy immediately cornered me and hinted at me being pregnant, which led to a conversation between Bucky and I that I surprisingly didn’t mind. The conclusion was that we were going to wait until after the war ended before even thinking about trying to have a baby. If we had one now, when times were so uncertain and the base always being in a hustle and bustle, well, it would be extremely hard to keep him or her safe. And even if I went home, what would Bucky do? He’d still be here with his team. So we were going to wait, and I didn’t mind. Throughout the year, as I grew to be more physically and mentally stronger, Bucky began to confide in me about his time as a P.O.W. for Hydra and the work that they had to do in the factories. At first, I was horrified and wished he hadn’t spoke a word about it, but when I could actually see that the weight he seemed to be carrying was lifted, I began to listen more closely. There was nothing I could say, the damage had already been done, so I listened and empathized. I squeezed his hands and allowed him to shed silent tears of his frustration and hated for Hydra. I let him know he was okay and safe now. For our wedding anniversary, we took the weekend off and went back to the United States where I got my name legally changed from Rogers to Barnes. - Thursday night in the Barnes apartment was pasta night – something Peggy and Steve frequently popped in for, for dinner. And since Bucky and I usually overdid it when it came to these nights, we would be crashed out until 8:30-9:00 or so instead of our usual 7:00-7:30 wake up. Nobody bothered us either. “Hey! Guys – I’m sorry to intrude, but you have to get up now! Phillips wants to see us, immediately!” Steve loudly spoke, though I barely heard it in my sleepy daze. Peeking my eyes open, I could see he turned on the light and groaned while Bucky didn’t even move next to me. I rolled over to face the clock to see it 6:18 in the morning. “Steve!” I groan. “What are you doing here? Don’t you know what time it is?” “Yes! I – come on! You guys! Wake up!” Steve said and pulled the covers off. The brisk morning air immediately froze my exposed legs and I curled into the fetal position to try and preserve my warmth. Bucky stirred slightly but then snored loudly. That man could sleep through anything. “Bucky!” He said pinching his friend’s ankle, which made Bucky kick at him before shooting up and glaring at him. “What is it?” Bucky grumbled. Steve only smirked at his tired friend before giving me his eagle-eye stare. I grudgingly sit up as well. Steve cleared his throat. “Colonel Philips wants to see us at once. He called for a meeting that will start at 6:45, sharp. It’s important.” I roll my eyes and wave my hand at my brother. “We’re up and will be there. Now go.” Steve saluted and walked out of the room without picking up our blankets or even turning off the light. “That guy is such a punk,” Bucky grumbled once more before getting up. He grabbed the blankets and tossed them on me before walking out of the room. Laughing quietly, I yawn and lay back down. Instead of letting myself fall back asleep, I stretch out, imaging myself as a starfish and that my limbs were moving freely in the water before finally getting out of bed. I throw on a pair of green trousers that Peggy got me along with a matching shirt. I didn’t have to dress up in front of the Commandos or Steve. I pull on my winter coat and gloves before going to meet Bucky in the door way as he got ready in the bathroom. Doe-eyed, the two of us walk hand in hand down to a car that Bucky drove. Ten minutes later, we found ourselves the last ones to arrive at the meeting, Bucky taking a seat whilst I went for some coffee. The colonel then began to explain the mission. Without having to ask, I make a cup for Howard and give it to him silently before doing the same for the Colonel, who nodded his head in thanks as he continued on. I carefully hand out coffee to the Commandos and Peggy before finally taking a seat to my husband’s left. I always admired how the Commandos and co. always managed to draw out these elaborate, detailed plans of how they were going to get the job done. Towards the end of his briefing, the Colonel announced the Commandos were to leave at 0800 hours and, if effective, be back by nightfall. He then dismissed everyone, and Steve said they’d rendezvous at 0745 at the base entrance. Bucky and I go back home where he gets ready for his mission while I fix a quick but filling breakfast for him. As we eat, I slowly let my fingers dance around his hand before I finally remove his wedding band and attach it to my necklace – which was really his chain and dog tags. After his first mission, he said one of the enemies commented on his being married and threatened to kill me, even though they had no idea who I was, and that, as much as he wanted to, he shouldn’t wear his ring on missions anymore. “Not only that, but what if I get shot at, and the bullet hits the ring instead?” He said. “Well, then, you’d have a really angry wife. And a messed up hand,” I replied. We go downstairs at 7:30, and before he can leave, I pull him in for a kiss. It was similar to way I kissed him before he was shipping out to England. Full of love, and sorrow, and words unsaid out loud. A thousand promises wrapped into one. “I love you,” I whisper as his head rested on top of mine. “Be safe. Come home.” “I love you, Madison Nicole,” he whispered back, lips grazing my forehead. “And don’t worry, I will.” As he’s going out the door, I stop him once more. “Hey…um. When you come home, I really need to talk to you about something.” “Of course,” Bucky smiled. “Let’s see…I’ll be home by nightfall? Let’s talk over dinner. Ooh, make something with pasta.” I smile. “You know I will. Just be there, okay?” Bucky frowned at me. “Are you okay?” “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just…messing around with you,” I said weakly. Bucky didn’t look convinced, and from his expression, I knew he was thinking about my dark place even though I haven’t been there in over a year. “You should go now, babe. I am fine, okay? Whatever I have to say can wait until tonight. I promise.” Bucky smiled finally and nodded his head. “Okay. I love you.” I watched him leave the building and run into the car that Steve and Peggy were already in. I wave at the car and watch it disappear in the snowy distance.

Since Peggy was being Agent Carter today, I decided I would do Howard’s paperwork in his lab. Both of us there would drastically slow down my progress since Howard constantly asked for food or coffee or my opinion on his thoughts, but neither of us minded. Howard was my best friend after Peggy. It was nearing 6:42 now and still there was no word from Peggy on when the boys were headed home. Since pasta took only 8 or so minutes to cook, I asked Peggy to give me a heads up so I can go home and cook before Bucky got there. “So… Howard,” I start as I start to skim through another order request from Colonel Philips. “What’s up?” He asked. He looked up from the papers I needed him to sign. I grinned at the ink stain on his lip caused by his chewing on the pen before looking towards his file cabinet. “How’s your progress going on the whole super-soldier serum?” I asked. “Uh. Not so good,” Howard admitted. “Huh? Why’s that?” “I don’t have anymore of Steve’s blood to observe, remember? I asked you two weeks ago if you could ask Steve to donate another vial or two for my research.” “Did you?” I ask and think back to two weeks ago. “I’m sorry, Howard. But I can’t seem to recall this situation.” “Hey – don’t get too down, kid. It’s not that important. You can always ask when they come home tonight, yeah?”

I wouldn’t have to if I just fessed up to having my own large vial of the original serum back in Brooklyn. But something tells me now is not the time to bring it up. And instead I simply smile at my boss and say I could and would ask Steve later tonight. We get back to work. Sometime later, there was a knock on the door before Steve came in. I didn’t pay him much attention because I was finishing my last order for the night, and instead called out “Hey Steve!” As I finish scribbling a few numbers down, I glance up to see Steve staring at me with a blankly sorry look on his face. I look at Howard to see him looking between Steve and I. “Steve? What is it?” I ask. His eyes soften and he looks down abruptly causing me to stand up. “Where’s Bucky?” I glace back at Howard to see he seemed to realize something I didn’t as he excused himself and fled the room. “Madi…” Steve started. He cleared his throat. “You should take a seat.” Suddenly afraid, I take a seat and watch as Steve paces before he comes and takes a seat in front of me. He doesn’t look me in the eye as we sit in this tense, awkward silence, and I just say his name again. “Steve?” “We were on the train,” he started and I could feel my heart thundering in my chest. Something bad happened, that much I knew. But what was it? “Gabe was making his way to the control car from the top while Bucky and I went down below. “There wasn’t anybody down where we were, so… We continued on and Bucky crept forward into another car while I stayed behind as cover, but then this door shut and then three soldiers popped out of nowhere on Bucky’s side while a machine came to life in mine. Well, I fought it, and when I checked back in on Buck, I saw that he had no more ammo left. I opened the door and tossed him another one and we took out the last soldier. “However, before we could catch our breath, the robot-thing I was fighting powered back up and shot at us. I pushed him out of the way and held up the shield to block it, you know? It did nothing but create this big hole in the side of the train and throw me off balance. “It was getting ready to fire again, but I wasn’t quick enough getting up. So, Bucky grabbed the shield and shot at the robot with his gun, and the robot shot at him. He wasn’t strong enough to take the blow. He flew back and out the side of the train. “I threw my shield at the thing and it fell down so I ran over to see if Bucky was okay and he was holding on to the train. When I realized I could save him, I climbed onto it and tried to reach out and grab him, but…the handrail he was holding on broke off and he fell down. He’s gone, Mads.” The tears that had started halfway through the story began to come out like rain. My heart hurt so bad; I think it hurt just a little more than it did when my mom died. Why? It was so unexpected. I curl into myself as the tears continue. Ugly sobs make themselves known, and I can’t find the will to make myself stop. “I am so sorry, Madison,” Steve says. I can hear the pain in his voice, but I don’t – can’t – bring myself to look at him. I just shake my head and I can hear his chair scrape against the ground and his footsteps approach me. “Don’t,” I sob as I look at the ground. “Steve – please. I just – I can’t even look at you right now…” “I’m sorry, Madison,” he said softly this time before I heard him leave. With him gone, I push my neat piles of paper to the floor and rest my arms on the table, burying my face into them. A million and one thoughts rang through my mind, to just this morning when we were talking about pasta and my important talk. Ugh! I wish I’d told him sooner; maybe he wouldn’t have gone. After a while, I begin to pick up the mess I made during a mini freak out I’d had where I’d strewn papers in random directions, only the papers on my desk. Even in my grief-stricken rage, I knew messing up Howard’s papers and projects would be an awful thing to do. Once the papers are all organized, I take a seat at the table once more. My eyes read over the last paper I signed, wondering how I could be so carefree then and then have my world turned upside down in another moment. It just did not make sense. A soft knock on the door broke me from my thoughts, and I stared at the door wondering who it could be, but making no other move to find out. The door opened after a second knock and I see Peggy standing there. She attempts to smile, but I avert my eyes. “Oh, Madison,” she sighs. I hear her heels clicking against the floor as she approaches me. I can’t seem to get myself together quickly enough to tell her to just leave me alone. She wraps her arms around me in a tight hug on her end and I feel myself starting to get choked up again. I rest my head on her, feeling more tears. “I am truly sorry for your loss, my girl,” she whispered into my hair. “But you are strong, and I know that you can get through this.” I nod my head, and let Peggy hold me for another few minutes. “I just…I wish he knew,” I choke out. “He does now,” Peggy said. She knew what it was I needed to talk to Bucky about. She was the one who came with me to get my pregnancy test done. “I suppose,” I mumble. Peggy relaxes her grip slightly and I know that Steve needs her more that I do. I might’ve lost my husband, but Steve lost his best friend as well. “Have you seen Steve yet?” “Not yet, I wanted to see how you were first.” “Thank you, Peg. He probably needs you more though…they were friends since before I was even born.” “Are you sure?” “I’m sure, go. It’s okay,” I assure my friend. She gives me another quick squeeze before taking her leave. Another however-long-it-is passes by before I can get up and walk around the room. I go to the bathroom and wipe away the tearstains and smeared makeup. I splash several handfuls of cool water on my face to help the redness in my face go away. “I am okay,” I tell myself. “I will be fine.” I write out a few notes for Howard for what he does with the papers, as well as apologizing because I don’t think I would be in for a few days and that I hoped he understands. I finish up what I’m doing, and pack up my bag and slip on my coat and get a ride home, where I don’t even feel the urge to put together something to eat. I find my way to the room where I peel off almost all my clothes and use one of the ones on the floor as a PJ shirt. Crawling into bed, I lay on Bucky’s side praying that this was all some twisted dream and that Bucky would come home in the middle of the night and wake me up.

#powerless #bucky barnes #steve rogers #captain america #the first avenger

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sockablock · 6 years

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Hooo boy here we go! The long-awaited ressurrection chapter! I hope y'all enjoy <3 This might be the second-to-last chapter, so I also want to thank you guys so so much for sticking around with this story! I love you all you’re all amazing people, and I couldn’t have done this without your support <333

(And on a side-note, after that RIDICULOUS info-dump from the terrible and wonderful Liam O'Brien last thursday, I've updated Chapters 3 and 7 on AO3 to reflect his backstory! If you feel like it (and don't mind spoilers) go and take a look! It might put some more things into context and also it was a good way for me to vent about what happened because DAMN)

Chapter 10: Copper, Goggles, Coat

Beau and Fjord helped Jester move the necromancer’s leather-bound tomes and rolls of parchment off of the stone slab and onto the floor. They pushed inkwells and folded-up papers aside, carefully slid gemstones and fragments of onyx away, stacked notes and spell components in heaps on the ground.

“I need a clear area,” Jester explained, glancing up from the scroll. “We’re going to have to lie him down on this table-thing.”

Fjord nodded. “Just let us know what to do,” he said.

She traced her finger along a line of text, invisible to the rest.

“I’m going to need those diamonds soon,” she said, “and some chalk. There are runes and sigils I need to copy onto the stone.”

As they looked around for a piece of chalk, Molly and Nott sat at the edge of the dais, eyes trained on the broken brick wall in the distance. They were waiting for Yasha’s return.

“Now that we’re done with all that,” Molly said quietly, “will you accept an apology from me?”

Nott, still staring at the tunnel entrance, shrugged. “I don’t know,” she said. “Guess it depends.”

“Depends?”

“Yeah. First, are you sorry? Really sorry?”

Molly raised an eyebrow. “Of course I am,” he said. “Of course.”

She nodded. “Alright. And will you do it again?”

Molly was not expecting this line of questioning, and floundered for an answer. “Er…no?” he tried. “Or, at least, I’ll do everything in my power not to let it happen again.”

She nodded again, and this time turned towards him. Her large yellow eyes shone in the faint light of Yasha’s torch, wedged between two stones and burning still.

“I’m not mad at you,” she said eventually. “I’m mad at myself. It wasn’t your fault. It could have happened with anybody. I just wish I had been there. Even if there wasn’t anything I could do, I wish I had been there.”

She gave him a long, thoughtful stare.

“I am glad you were there, at least. I think…I think Caleb is the sort of person that expected to be alone when he died. The sort…the sort that thinks when they go, nobody will care. So the fact that there was somebody there in the end, to hold him, that…that means a lot.”

Molly gazed upwards. The moon, through the tiny metal grate, was a bright speck in the distance.

“He doesn’t ask for much, does he?”

“No,” she said.

“He deserves the world.”

There was a short laugh from Nott. He looked back down, and saw a faint smile playing across her face.

“That’s why I forgive you,” she said. “That’s why I’m glad you two have each other.”

Molly’s expression softened. “He has you too.”

“Yes, but I can’t do anything for him,” Nott scoffed. “I’m a little goblin girl, hated by people. I can’t give him the knowledge he wants, I can’t teach him magic, he teaches me, I can’t defend him when he needs it, I can only give him a bit of coin every now and then—”

“No,” said Molly.

She blinked. “Sorry?”

“No,” Molly repeated. “You already give him what he needs. You make sure he knows he’s loved. You take care of him. You gave him someone to trust in and find happiness with. Money and power and all that are useless without the people that care about you.”

Nott fidgeted with her hands.

“Thanks, Molly,” she said eventually.

“You’re welcome,” he said. “Although that said, if you’ve got some extra gold, I did have to kill an awful lot of zombies and rotting flesh is really hard to clean up, so perhaps I could use a new coat—”

She reached up and cuffed him on the shoulder. “Beg Jester for money,” she said, “her mom’s rich.”

“Aw, come now—”

Yasha’s figure appeared in the distance. In her arms—which were angled awkwardly because of the large spear in the way—was Caleb’s body.

“How does he look?” Molly called as she approached.

“The same,” Yasha responded. “Maybe a little paler.”

“Do you need help?” Fjord asked, and then remembered who he was talking to. Yasha easily began to make her way up the steps.

“Put him down on the floor when you get here, please,” said Jester. “I am almost done with preparations.”

Molly walked over and peered at the stone surface. There was a white pentagon—narrow and a bit more than two feet in length—drawn on the tabletop, each point ending in a large circle filled with arcane scrolling that felt strangely familiar in an achingly distant way. He ignored this, likely a relic of his buried past, and continued to examine the rest of the markings. Jester had scrawled another series of runes along the edges of the pentagon, and at the very center was another circle, larger than the rest, connected to the five outer points and filled with even more strange symbols.

“I hope this is good enough,” Jester murmured. “I’ve never done something like this before.”

“I believe in you,” Fjord said firmly, and she gave a small smile.

“Now we need to make sure Caleb is good for the spell,” Jester said, just as Yasha cleared the top of the steps and placed his body on its side, at the ground by her Jester’s feet.

“Let me know when you need me to move him again,” Yasha said, and took a step back.

“Thanks.” Jester placed the scroll on the table and knelt down by Caleb. His hair was plastered against his forehead from the dampness in the air. His eyes were closed and his lips had turned a pale blue. Mud and dirt covered his coat, which was still pinned to his body by a five-foot spear. The shaft stuck out of his back.

“Raise Dead will cure all mortal wounds and neutralize any poisons,” Jester said, “but we’re going to have to get rid of that spear. It would probably be super bad for the spell and for Caleb if we tried to bring him back like that.”

The mental image almost made Molly laugh, and he immediately felt sick. He looked away.

Beau knelt down by Jester. “Here,” she said, “I’ll help.”

Jester nodded her thanks. “Ugh, this…this is going to be kind of nasty, but can you hold him still? I’m…I’m going to pull the spear back out.”

“Is that the best idea?” Nott asked. “What if it makes it worse?”

Jester and Beau considered Caleb’s body.

“He’s already as bad as it gets,” said Beau.

Fjord tried to give Nott a reassuring glance. “I’m sure it’ll be fine,” he said. “Magic can do some pretty crazy things.”

Though still mildly unconvinced, Nott relented. They all—minus Molly—watched with some parts sympathy, some parts horrid fascination, some parts nausea as Jester carefully began yanking on the weapon.

“He really liked that coat,” Nott sighed as they looked on.

“Maybe the hole won’t be so bad,” Fjord said, just as there was long, terrible squelching, followed by a vicious tearing sound, and the spear was pulled free. Jester gave it a complicated glance, and then tossed it aside. It rolled off the central dais and tumbled off the stairs and joined the corpses below. Molly watched it come to a standstill, and finally was able to look back at Caleb’s now-freed body.

“I coulda kept that,” said Beau.

“Why?” asked Fjord.

She shrugged. “Maybe Caleb would’ve wanted to see it or something.”

“He already saw it plenty,” Molly sighed. Then he turned to Jester. “Is that it? Are…are you going to start the ritual now?”

“Almost,” she said, and motioned for Yasha to help her move Caleb onto the slab. They placed him on the rune-marked surface so that his back was against the stone and his arms were at his sides. The top of the pentagon lay above his head, then two points just outside his shoulders, and the bottom two just under his waist. Jester regarded his positioning for a moment. Then when she seemed satisfied, she reached for the bag of diamonds. She placed a small pile—which was a considerable fortune in its own right—at the center of each of the lower circles. Then she moved around to stand behind Caleb’s head, and turned towards the others.

“When I start the spell,” she said, “I’m not exactly sure what will happen. But from what I can tell on this scroll, it requires three offerings from three different people to bring him back.”

“Offerings?” Fjord asked. “What sort of offerings?”

“Like money?” Yasha tried.

“No,” Jester said, and then corrected herself. “Well, I guess it could be money, but all it needs to be is something you give or do or say that’s meaningful to…to the person you are trying to bring back. So, something meaningful to Caleb.”

There was a brief silence as they thought about this.

“Okay,” said Nott, stepping forward. “I’ll do one.”

Jester nodded, and there was a faint smile on her face. “I figured you would,” she said. “I…I kind of want to do something too, but since I’m performing the ritual I’m not sure I can.”

“I-I will,” and the group turned around in surprise to see Beau step forward as well, fidgeting now under the attention. She looked like she wanted to back away, but steeled herself and said, “I have something.”

Nott gave her a curious look, and Jester only hesitated slightly before saying, “Okay. Good. That just leaves one more.”

Molly took a deep breath. “I’d be lying if I said this wasn’t something I needed to do.”

Jester’s smile softened slightly. “Of course.” Then she nodded decisively. “Alright, everyone. If you’re ready…?”

There was a small chorus of agreement.

“Okay,” she said, and smoothed her hands down over the scroll. “Let’s bring him back.”

----------------------

Nott stood in front of Caleb. Tears ran down her face.

“When I met you in that dinky little prison cell,” she started slowly, “I just thought you were a pile of rags someone had thrown into the corner and forgot about. And then…and then when you started moving, and I realized you were a person, I thought the guards had thrown us in together to see which one of us would kill the other first. And maybe they did. But…but instead, I met a person who didn’t care what I was, and bothered to talk to me. And I know you think of me like a little sister, but…but…well, you are also very important to me. You were the first human I’d met in a long time that didn’t run away from me or try…or try to hurt me. You talked to me. You smiled at me. You asked me if I had a name. You gave me your water and shared your coat when it was cold and you…you made me feel like a real person. Even though we were strangers. Even though I was a goblin. It didn’t matter. And when we started travelling together, you taught me so many things. You taught me to be brave. To stand my ground and fight for other people. To make friends, and to trust. And…and…you taught me to do this.”

She reached into her pouch and pulled out a single, thin copper wire. She wrapped it around her finger and cupped her hands together.

“I promised I would protect you,” she whispered. “And I swore I would always look out for you like you looked out for me. So…so come back, Caleb. Come back, and we can keep looking out for each other. And please…please respond to this message.”

And as she lowered her hands and stood before the stone slab that held Caleb’s body, the blue light surrounding the ritual flared for a moment. When it faded, the circle by Caleb’s left shoulder was glowing.

“It worked,” Jester breathed softly. “It worked. Good job, Nott! Now…now we need the next offering.”

Beau stepped forwards as Nott backed up, returning to stand with the others.

The monk had her blue sash in her hands, and was rubbing it nervously.

“I don’t…er…I don’t know much about what happens after you die,” she started tentatively, and looked to Jester for reassurance.

The tiefling gave her an encouraging nod, and she took a deep breath and turned back to Caleb. “My…my family always said that if you were good, you’d get brought to the side of the gods or something like that. But…but I don’t know. About gods, or anything like that. And…well…I’ve been knocked down before. Not…obviously not as bad as you. But whenever that happened, it always got really dark. And…and I know how hard it is to be lost in the dark. Which is why it was always nice to have you around, y’know? ‘Cause…’cause you were always ready to give us some light. And I know you told me once that making lights isn’t a big deal, but it is for the rest of us. Or…or it is for me, at least. So maybe this is a stupid metaphor, and maybe I’m just being an idiot, but I thought it might be my turn. To bring you some light.”

And she reached around the back of her head and tugged on the strap of her darkvision goggles. She pulled them over her bun and carefully placed them on Caleb’s forehead.

“Maybe it’s stupid,” she said again, “but…but…but I thought you’d like it. After all, neither of us can see for shit, and it isn’t fair that I hog these all the time. We’re always getting on your case about sharing, so fair’s fair. Come…come back, alright? Come back so I can share my shit with you. We…we’re the only empire kids, and I know you’ve been through some shit but we…we…Team Human, right? We’ve got to stick together. So…so come back, alright?”

And then she backed away, moving behind Jester. When, after a few seconds, nothing happened, Beau looked down at the ground and muttered something under her breath. Jester almost broke away from channeling the magic to go reassure her, but then—

—the circle on Caleb’s right began to glow.

“You did it,” Yasha murmured softly, and Beau looked up in surprise. “You did it.”

“Good work, Beau!” Jester said excitedly. Then her tone got more serious as she prompted, gently, “Molly? It is your turn now. Last one.”

Mollymauk took a tentative step forward. Then he steeled himself and crossed the rest of the distance towards the stone slab, passing Beauregard and Nott, passing Jester, until he was standing over Caleb’s unmoving form. The blue glow of the ritual softened his piercing red eyes.

He took a deep breath. “I…I said something to you, once—well, twice now—because it was something I wanted to tell you. I wanted you to know how important you were to me, how much you’ve changed my life in the short time we’ve known each other. I wanted you to know that you mattered much, much more than you thought you did, and that there are people out there who would…who would miss you if you were gone. All of that was true. Every word.”

He wiped at the corner of his eyes with his sleeves.

“But I didn’t think you thought of me as anything more than a colorful distraction. I thought…I thought you were just hanging around for protection, or for safety. And I was more than willing to just be a pretty face in the crowd,” he said, and gave a short laugh. “After all, what have I got to offer you? And then…and then the most marvelous thing happened. You started telling me about yourself. You came to me, to talk to me. You wanted to spend time with me. Nobody…not many people have ever really wanted to do that. And I finally find out that you, all this time, you felt the same way about me. I still can’t believe it. I still can’t bloody believe it.”

And he gingerly shrugged his coat off, thinking back to that night when Caleb had fallen asleep on his bed, the first night he had come to visit and had trusted Molly with his darkest secret, the night that had given him so much hope and had convinced Molly to keep chasing and keep believing, and swung the brilliant and colorful fabric over the wizard’s cold form.

“Your…uh…your coat kind of got fucked up. Personally I’d blame it on Jester, but she’s the one casting this ritual, so maybe we shouldn’t. We can blame Fjord instead. But you can borrow mine, for now. I know it’s showier than you probably would want, but I hope it works.” He cracked a smile. “I quite like the way it looks on you, you know.”

And then his expression softened into something more serious, and something much more desperate.

“Please wake up,” he said, “wake up and give me more stories. Ask me again for a fortune. Speak your silly languages at me. Tell me…”

He swallowed, knelt down so his face was level with Caleb’s, and tried to keep his voice from breaking. “Tell me again that you love me,” he whispered. “Please, tell me again. I love you too, Caleb. Please, I love you too.”

The last chalk circle lying above Caleb’s head exploded with a brilliant, radiant light, before quickly fading back into the dull blue of the others. Molly almost backed away, but forced himself to remain by Caleb’s side.

And Jester closed her eyes, and all around them Caleb’s body began to glow. Then the light began to swell, growing brighter and brighter and as it did, they watched the gaping wound on his chest began to slowly knit itself back together. The ripped flesh became whole, the blood faded away, the muscles repaired themselves until there was nothing left but clean skin under a torn linen shirt.

And when the light faded, they all stared at the unmoving body on the slab, holding their breath in anticipation and fear and worry and hope.

And then there was a sharp, deep inhale, and air flooded back into Caleb’s lungs. The ashen color of his skin faded into his usual pale pink, though still a bit paler than usual, and the painful dark purple drained away from his lips.

And slowly, ever so slowly, Caleb opened his eyes.

He looked up at the distant moon through the tiny, tiny grate high above in the ceiling. His brow furrowed with faint surprise.

“Wo ist das Feuer?” he mumbled weakly.

He gingerly moved his elbows and struggled to sit up, and only then did he see the rest of the Mighty Nein staring back at him, eyes wide with shock and surprise and delight and relief and—

He blinked in confusion. “Er…hello, everyone?” he said, this time in Common. “What…what just happened?”

Nott lunged forwards, leaping into a flying tackle, launching herself onto the stone slab and swinging her arms around his upper body. She buried her head into his chest and began to sob. The rest let out a collective sigh of relief. Fjord put his hand on Jester’s shoulder and Beau let go of her sash.

“You were dead!” Nott cried, words muffled by tears and hiccups and Caleb’s coat. “You were dead, a zombie killed you, you were dead! But then…but then…Jester brought you back.”

Caleb craned his neck to see Jester. “You…you brought me back…?” he murmured.

“It wasn’t only me,” she said quickly. “Beau and Nott and Molly helped.”

He was quiet for a moment. And then:

“Thank you, all of you.”

She nodded rapidly, and then when she couldn’t contain herself any longer, ran around the slab and threw herself against him for her own hug. “It worked,” she sobbed, “it worked! Oh, it worked, you’re okay, you’re okay!”

He reached an arm around and gave her a pat on the back. “You really are the Cleric,” he said softly, and her cries were interrupted by giggles.

“Thanks for not being dead forever,” Beau said from the side. “I want my goggles back now.”

A faint smile crept across Caleb’s face as he felt for his forehead and found the darkvision goggles nestled in his hair. He took them off with one hand and passed them over to Beau who, despite herself, grinned.

“Welcome back,” said Fjord with a smile of his own. “Don’t do that again, alright?”

“I’ll do my best,” Caleb chuckled. Next his gaze fell on Yasha, who standing at the half-orc’s side.

She nodded at him. Caleb nodded back.

And finally, transaction completed, he turned to his side where Mollymauk was kneeling nervously and searching Caleb’s face with his eyes for…for…for something. Caleb tried on a sheepish grin.

“So…” he asked slowly, “did you mean what you said?”

“You heard?” Molly whispered.

“Every time,” Caleb said, and then corrected himself. “Well, the first time I only heard. But the second time, and just now, I think…I think I understood.”

Molly’s shoulders relaxed, and he laughed softly. He got up and sat on the slab by Caleb’s side. “I meant every word,” he said.

“Oh,” Caleb said, and his cheeks began to color. He looked down. “Oh, good. I am glad for that.”

“You sly bastard,” Molly sighed, and now a pure, almost childlike joy radiated from his face. Then he turned towards Nott and Jester and gave them pleading looks. After a second, Nott grudgingly sighed and she and Jester slid off of the slab to stand back with the rest and allow the two of them a private moment.

“You damn wizard,” Molly grinned when the girls left. “You absolute, arcane menace. That’s got to be a misuse of magic.”

“Verzeihung,” Caleb apologized, though a faint, cheeky quirk played at the edges of his mouth. “Next time I should warn you before I cast it?”

“Yes, but I’ll forgive you,” Molly said, and slid his hand around the back of Caleb’s neck. “Only because you basically admitted the same thing to me. We’re square.”

Mindful of his horns, he pressed his forehead against Caleb’s and breathed a long, deep, relieved exhale. Then he closed his eyes, but the tears still fell.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “I’m so, so sorry.”

Caleb put a hand on Molly’s shoulder. “It wasn’t your fault,” he said, closing his eyes as well. “You did everything right. It wasn’t your fault.”

Molly’s body shook, but he gave a faint nod.

“I…I am sorry I left you alone down there,” Caleb murmured.

“It’s alright,” Molly breathed. “it’s alright. You’re back now.”

He took a moment to compose himself, and then leaned back. “Just don’t do it again, okay? Don’t…don’t leave me again, okay?”

Caleb smiled. His eyes were soft and his thumb rubbed a circle on Molly’s shoulder. “Okay,” he said. “Okay.”

“If anything, I’ve only got this one coat so if you get stabbed again, I won’t have another to give you.”

Caleb laughed. It was loud, and happy, and the most incredible sound Molly had ever heard.

“I suppose I should get that hole fixed,” he said, “so you do not have to give me your clothes to wear.”

“If you’d like to wear my clothing you only have to ask, dear,” Molly grinned, and Caleb blushed.

Then they turned and looked at the rest of the group.

“You guys can turn back around now,” Molly laughed. “It’s not like we were kissing or anything.”

As Caleb’s face turned a deeper scarlet, Jester pouted. “Aw, man,” she said, spinning back around, “what was even the point then?”

“I didn’t wanna see any mushy shit,” said Beau, but her expression wasn’t quite as hard as she meant it to be.

Nott climbed back onto the stone slab. “Alright, Mollymauk, move. I’ve still got some hugging to do.”

----------------------

“I’m taking these,” said Beau, and scooped the remaining diamonds off of the ground. “If any of you other fuckers die, we’ll be ready.”

Fjord sighed, but helped her place them into the haversack regardless. “Hopefully we won’t need them, but that’s a good idea,” he said.

“Could somebody grab those scrolls?” Caleb asked. “I would like to look at them later.”

Nott shoved them into her bag, and as they crinkled Caleb winced slightly, but he thanked her anyways.

“Here’s some daggers too,” said Molly. “Not exactly sure if you want them, since—”

“Hand ‘em here,” said Nott, “I want them.”

“Does anybody need these onyx stones?” Yasha asked. “There are a few here.”

“Maybe take them just in case,” said Molly. “We might need to break them or something. Oh, and would you mind carrying the necromancer down too? I’ve got some matches, we can burn him before we go.”

“Did you search his pockets yet?” Caleb asked.

Jester turned around and flashed seven new rings stacked on her fingers. “I did!” she said. “He had a lot of jewelry.”

“I hope those aren’t cursed,” said Beau, and Jester blanched and began rapidly pulling them off.

“I can set him on fire if we need,” said Caleb, but Molly quickly shushed him.

“You were dead five minutes ago. You’re not even going to walk out of the chamber by yourself.”

“Molly—”

“No. Doctor’s orders.”

“You’re not a doctor,” said Nott. “The closest you’ve ever been to a doctor was that time you put scrambled eggs on your—”

“New subject,” said Fjord, sighing again. “Please.”

----------------------

“And then Yasha was all like ‘go away,’ and she hit the zombie with her sword! And then Fjord was like ‘ahhhh I’m weak and I don’t have a lot of strength’ so I tried to run over and heal him but—”

“Now, hang on, I don’t think it went exactly like that.”

They made their way back through the tunnels, heading south towards the exit. Every once and a while, a strange noise would set them on edge, or a finger would look like it was moving, but nothing came out to attack them. Their progress was somewhat slowed by stopping to drop matches on the uncovered zombies, and mentally reminding themselves to let the Gentleman know about the still-buried ones. As they walked, Jester continued narrating the battle for Caleb, who was being helped by Mollymauk’s shoulder and trailed closely by a still somewhat-nervous Nott.

“And then something super weird happened! There was this crazy purple light and suddenly the necromancer started freaking out! There was something wrong with his phylact-thingy, and he was super duper hurting! And so we all started attacking all over again, or most of us since Beau and Fjord were unconscious, and then finally the light was so bright and he was freaking out so much and then Nott, oh my gosh you’re going to be so impressed, Nott pointed her crossbow up at him and was like ‘fuck you,’ and she shot him and she hit him and the bolt went right through his hood and hit the gemstone and it exploded! And then he died.”

“Wow,” said Caleb, “That is impressive,” and Nott blushed a darker green. “I am sorry I missed that.”

“That’s okay,” said Jester, leaning over and giving him a pat on the hand. And then she made a face and said, “You know, I am covered in rotting zombie parts. And after hugging you, there is a lot of mud on my dress. And…you know what that means we should do!”

Nott reached for her flask. “Don’t say it,” she pleaded, “don’t say we should—”

“Go get baths!” Jester cheered, nearly punching the just-resurrected Caleb with her excited fist. “We need baths! A hot bath and lots and lots of laundry done. I never want to go underground again.”

“Please,” said Molly. “I’m disgusting.”

Caleb nodded. “I believe I could use some washing-up as well,” he said. “And I would like to avoid the sewers for some time.”

“Do you think you’ve got an infection?” Beau asked. “You were on the ground for a while.”

Jester put her hand on Caleb’s arm. “I will cure your diseases if you need me to,” she said. And then she paused and added, “Tomorrow. Today I am tapped.”

“Thank you,” Caleb smiled. “Truly, though, thank you. I…I admit that I never thought I would be resurrected should I fall.”

“Oh, well, it was nothing,” Jester said, “it was a spell scroll and all that but don’t ask me for it again because I have no spells right now and also the scroll disintegrated after I cast it.”

“That…that is not…” Caleb sighed. “That is not entirely what I meant, but thank you.”

Jester frowned. “What did you mean—”

Molly’s stomach sank as he realized. “Of course, Caleb, of course we would bring you back. We almost went crazy trying to figure out what to do before your soul got stolen and we fought the crazy necromancer and we found that scroll.”

“I…thank you,” he said, and then in a tone so hushed only Molly could hear, he whispered, “I did not think I deserved it. But…after what you said to me…I am glad it happened.”

Molly scoffed. “Of course,” he murmured back. “We can talk about this later, dear, but for now let’s get you cleaned up.” And then he raised his voice and grinned to the group, “Baths! And hopefully this time there won’t be any black puddings that try to eat us.”

“If there are,” Beau grinned, “they can eat you first.” And Molly laughed.

#in the moments we were alone #critical role #fic #critical role fanfiction #fanfic #widomauk #caleb widogast #mollymauk tealeaf #widoleaf #long text post #text #jay writes #cr spoilers #jester #fjord #beau #nott #yasha #i have so many emotions

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mental-health-advice · 6 years

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I've been stressed (and maybe having anxiety) for about a month, on and off, somedays it just doesn't show, others are a bit harder to handle. I've gotten some bad news (aka bad grades) on thursday and I spent the whole weekend crying. Friday wasn't a good day, saturday was a fine day (about 80% good, was feeling normal but a bit weird) but today (sunday) I woke up super sad. I cried a lot and now I'm feeling normal, not sad at all. What can I do when I wake up sad?

Hi love,

Thank you for getting in touch with us here at MHA! I’m really sorry to hear that you have been struggling so much lately.

School creates an enormous amount of stress for students which can obviously cause issues with self-esteem and the like. Try to take at least a couple of hours away from work everyday and fill that time with things you enjoy, like maybe baking, or exercise? Whatever it is, it is necessary to give yourself a break from the pressure of school and allow yourself to recharge with some positive energy. It is key to take breaks when studying too, otherwise you will begin feeling overwhelmed and isolated. Professors recommend that you should only study for 60-90 minutes at a time, taking at least 10 minutes break in between (take longer off if you need to!). In that free time try to do something that doesn’t involve too much brain power but preferably involves being active; maybe going downstairs and making a cup of tea, dace around your bedroom to your favourite song. Please do try to remember that your health and happiness always come before your education – you are more important than some grades here.

It is also important to note that these symptoms may be caused by some form of mental health condition. We are not professionals so we cannot diagnose you, and we discourage self diagnosis for the reasons listed here, but these are two very common symptoms of depression; anxiety is often related to depression and it is common to suffer from both. Do you think any of the following symptoms apply to you too?

Persistently sad, anxious, or empty moods

Loss of pleasure in usual activities

Fatigue or decreased energy

Sleep disturbances

Change in appetite or weight

Thoughts of suicide or death, or suicide attempts

Poor self-image or self-esteem

(source)

If you feel you relate to any of the above symptoms then a good step would be to speak to a professional, such as your doctor or a therapist. They will be able to help with a diagnosis, if applicable, and will start treatment with you. They will also help you to begin understanding what is causing these feelings, or lack of, and hopefully give you so coping mechanisms which you can apply to your daily life. I know reaching out for help can be really scary, but you deserve all of the help available to you, lovely. Here is a link to our page about getting help. Professionals are there to help you in any way they can, they won’t judge you, or make you do or tell them anything you don’t want to.

I’m just wondering if you have considered talking to any of your teachers about the stress you are experiencing and anything that you think they may be able to do to help? I find it helpful to remember that it is completely up to you how much you decide to share with the person you choose to disclose information to; so you could just tell them that you are struggling a little with motivation, or just struggling due to personal circumstances. Or you could choose to tell them everything. It is completely up to you, and for me that definitely helps me feel a little more in control! When it comes to actually talking to someone, maybe it is best to first talk to the teacher that you trust the most and feel most comfortable with - after that they may be able to help you discuss things with other staff and help you start getting measures put in place. If you are worried about saying things aloud and forgetting things that you want to say, you could always write down everything that you think is important such as symptoms, feelings, thoughts you are having. Then you can either use it as a way to remind yourself of the things you want to say, or you could just give it to your teacher for them to read; it just helps to take some of the pressure off your shoulders. However, I also completely understand if this is not something that you want to share with anyone at your educational facility, there is no pressure to do so!

To answer your question about what to do when you are feeling sad, this will be different for everyone, but it is all about doing things that make you feel a sense of achievement and happiness. So sometimes for me, if I wake up feeling really sad and my house is untidy, I will spend time cleaning the house, and whilst cleaning itself can be therapeutic, seeing the end result of a nice tidy helps me to feel proud of something I have done. Similar to this, you could write out a list of all the things you like about yourself and things that you are proud of like achievements etc; once you have this list, try to carry it with you at all times, then whenever you are feeling sad you can look at this list and see all of the fantastic things about yourself which will hopefully help to raise your spirits. Next is to make sure you are taking good care of yourself. So this involves things like staying hydrated, getting enough sleep, and eating healthily. Personally I do think there is a certain amount of truth to the saying ‘healthy body, healthy mind’ – if you are already feeling a bit low due to not taking the time to look after yourself, it is likely that it will make your anxious and negative thoughts worse. Try to take at least an hour or two a day for yourself and fill that time with doing things that you enjoy and make you feel relaxed and happy. For example, I take a couple of hours before I head to bed and I like to fill that time with art and music; I also use that time to look after my skin and hair just so I physically feel a little better. Also making plans with your friends could be really beneficial; sometimes when we feel sad we just want to be alone but this can make us feel more alone and isolated.

Journalling - writing about your day and taking the time to reflect on the things you have done can be a great way to help you recognise the good impact you are having in peoples lives, in turn improving your own self worth and happiness. Something I also encourage is every day, when you write in your journal, is to finish the following sentences:

1) Today I accomplished…2) I felt proud because…3) I felt good about myself when…

I know it can sound a little silly but many of us forget to give ourselves credit for the little things we do each day, and it can be really beneficial to take the time to acknowledge them when we are trying to improve happiness. Another little thing you can try is getting your friends and family to help you to write a list of all the reasons that they love you and that you are a good person; keep the list, make it pretty, and look at it everyday to remind yourself that you have so much worth and goodness in you!

Something I really want to make clear, is that you always come before education! Your health is so much more important than some grades. You can be incredibly successful with or without a degree, and you can be successful if you get 100% or 0% on an exam - success is more about your passion and drive for your career than about a few letters on a piece of paper. You are going to get so far in life, lovely, and I will be here cheering you on all the way! Your grades do not define you!

I hope this has been of some help and reassurance to you, love. Please don’t hesitate to get back in touch if there is anything else that we can help you with.

‘‘Fall down seven times, stand up eight.’‘

Take care,

Rhiann xo

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duesternis · 6 years

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Call me predictable, but here we go: 'The cold light of a winter morning lay on the floor of the entry hall like spilled pearls. [...] „Okay, what d‘ya wanna know?“' from 'Lift you up'

This is gonna get super lengthy, folks, sorry for that.If you are in no way interested in reading anything about my overwatch fanfiction and my related babble, I advise you to scroll past this and forget you ever encountered this post at all.

Here goes nothing, Marik.(btw this is all about this post, basically: http://duesternis.tumblr.com/post/167812715352/rageprufrock-lets-go )

The most important thing i have to say about this whole fic and all its related parts is that it was never supposed to be anything this long.But, as usual, it sprouted on its own, growing tendrils of ideas and scenes whenever I turned my mind remotely into its direction.And who am I to deny myself (and you, by extension) the joy of fluffy, sappy men falling hopelessly in love to the backdrop of some organized-crime-drama?

And this is basically just that.The whole scene serves as yet another reminder that Jesse is falling head over heels for a man he barely knows and Hanzo likewise.Maybe even worse.

I’ll deal with this in small parts.

The cold light of a winter morning lay on the floor of the entry hall like spilled pearls. The house was quiet around them and for a moment there was a semblance of home between two breaths.McCree smiled lazily at him and Hanzo smiled back, eyes slipping to his favourite shape in the world.A door down the right hallway opened and Hanzo gave McCree‘s shoulder a squeeze, turned around and walked up the stairs. Turned at the top and looked at McCree.Who stood at the foot of the stairs, eyes huge and mouth open in a disbelieving smile.His cheeks were flushed.

The most noticeable thing about the whole scene with the stairs is the first sentence, for me. Maybe the first two.I could have ended the scene there, or cut it short and just beam them to Hanzo’s office. Because those two sentences say it all.The spilled pearls could be the unexpected beauty and worth Hanzo and Jesse see in each other.The light is just that. Light. But you may recall the fact that Jesse’s Santa Fe hideout had small windows. Not much light.Hanzo isn’t one to rise early. Morning light isn’t something he sees often.The house is quiet. They are, for a moment, alone in the world. Something else they are strangely unused to. They are often alone, but have never been comfortable being alone with a stranger.Then the “semblance of home between two breaths”. Sounded fancy. I liked it.And don’t we all know that distinct feeling of warmth blooming in our chests, between two breaths, when we just know that the person across from us is all we need right now?Yeah. Like that.

The rest of that bit is just Jesse being a huge dork, thinking that Hanzo looks so fucking gorgeous (like always) and Hanzo being awestruck and trying to hide it behind his stoic facade (nerd).

Hanzo jerked his chin at him and with a laugh McCree took the stairs two at a time. His long legs powerful, his spurs jingling happily.„Come with me.“„Right behind ya, darlin‘.“„When you keep saying that, it will lose its meaning, McCree.“ Hanzo grinned to himself and unlocked the door to his personal office. McCree chuckled behind him.The door swung inward and he stepped inside.McCree followed him.„Close the door.“ He did as asked and leaned against the wood. Lit a cigarillo. The room went out over the garden, a white pane of snow where green grass sprouted in summer.

Can spurs jingle happily?????More important: Jesse’s amazing legs and Hanzo’s snark. Secret grins and inviting people into very personal spaces (in this case personal office where important decisions are made).

DO I SMELL TRUST COMING OFF OF YOU HANZO SHIMADA??? (yes i do. it smells like cigarillos)

Jesse is getting nervous here, smoking to soothe his nerves. The white of the snow unnerves him as much as he finds it beautiful.It’s not something he is used to, something foreign to him, to see something so pure undisturbed.He may be afraid of tainting it.(The snow could be a metaphor i think. But I don’t know for what. I didn’t think much when writing the sentence. I just wanted to tell that the office is at the garden-side of the house and make it sound pretty at the same time. the aestheticTM stirkes again.)

Hanzo sat down at his low desk and pulled his glasses out of his shirt pocket.There was a sharp intake of breath from the door and he looked at McCree with an inquiring expression.„Golly gee, Hanzo.“ It came out flatly, powerless.„What is it?“ He frowned and McCree made a weak step forward. The cigarillo in his hand fumed faintly.„Ya look…“Hanzo put a hand to his glasses. „These?“A timid nod, a flush rising in McCree‘s cheeks. It was adorable. Hanzo smiled.„I need them for extensive reading. Since I was a boy.“A breathless laugh and McCree dropped to the floor on the other side of the desk. Barely on the pillow.Hanzo pulled a notebook out of a drawer and unscrewed the top of his fountain pen.McCree emptied his small bowl of paper clips and tapped ash into it.Hanzo raised a brow at that. „You‘ll clean that up later.“„Yessir.“ McCree grinned, face still flushed, and saluted sharply. „So.“„Yes?“

MEGANE HANZO. probably the only reason i wrote this was the mental image of sexy hanzo with reading glasses, looking over them at people, all pissed.and flustered jesse is cute.School-boy wringing his hands at the desk of his favourite teacher, acutely aware of the fact that he’s in over his head.Or sth like that…

Also imagine Jesse dropping on his ass b/c Hanzo’s too hot. *evil laughter*Hanzo’s mildly concerned for Jesse’s well-being, but thinks it’s cute too.

And I wanted Hanzo to be untrusting of modern media regarding important information. That’s why he’s using a notebook and a fountain pen. Something fancy. (My dad collects fancy fountain pens. They’re really pretty.)

And how devastatingly impractical is a low working desk? It needs quite a bit of talent to look down on people from your butt, but Hanzo can pull it off.He’s also a slut for anything tradtional and the contrast of a sprawling Jesse and a proper Hanzo on their respective sides of the desk made me giggle.That’s all.

„What‘s this about?“ McCree pointed at the notebook with his cigarillo. He closed his lips around the end of it and dropped his hat on the floor next to him.Hanzo wanted to touch his lips around the cigarillo and feel his breath on his fingers. It would be hot.„I need information about the workings of the Deadlock Gang.“„Ain‘t you got a division fer that kinda stuff?“ McCree rubbed his untended beard.Hanzo drew a tiny circle at the top of the page.„I need insider information.“Their eyes met over the desk and they shared an inhale.

Things are getting intenser (more intense?) here. I thought it best to slowly edge into the serious weight of the conversation that comes after the bit you asked me to talk about.(Which is actually one of my fav scenes in retrospect, I think)

And I wanted to show the tenderness that forcefully wedges itself into Hanzo, burrowing into his being with all the charm of a bulldozer.He’s completely at Jesse’s mercy at this point already, mostly unaware of it, thoughWhereas Jesse’s getting more and more nervous, his mind as far away from pleasant things as possible. He’s two seconds away from trying to talk his way out of here.He gets scared more easily than he himself would like and it shows.

Hanzo is probably aware of this. (I don’t know that. He writes himself and evades introspection mostly, the jerk.)

Jesse took three drags before answering.„Okay.“And with that he mentally tossed the old black leather jacket hanging in his closet in Santa Fe out the window.He was fair game now.The tattoo on the sole of his left foot itched suddenly and he had to laugh at himself.Damn superstition.Shimada frowned at him. „What now?“„Ah, nothin‘. Jus‘ had to think of somethin‘ funny.“ Jesse grinned and stretched his legs out along the desk. Held himself upright with leaning his stump on the desktop.Crossed his legs at the ankles and let his spurs twirl.„Okay, what d‘ya wanna know?“

Jesse’s scared, but trusting Hanzo to catch him when he jumps into water, not knowing if he can swim.And he thinks, privately, that drowning is preferable to staying a traitor with ties to the people he betrayed.

It took him half the series to come this far. It will take him the next half to come to terms with what that truly means.But he knows here and now that he doesn’t want to walk under the name of Deadlock anymore.

I actually rewrote this bit a few times, though. I’m still not really happy with the leather-jacket-sentence.I have this feeling I could have said it in a more elegant way, but i don’t know how. So it stayed like that.

This also is a great bit to show how Jesse masks his own nervousness and fear with bravado and a show of being particularly at ease.I’m not sure how much Hanzo sees through it. But I think he knows it’s not entirely genuine.He worries.

This is the second time (in the part you chose) that I draw notice to the fact that Jesse is without a prosthetic atm and the first time i do it directly.The first time is where I call his beard “Untended”. And here I outright say “stump”.Both instances relate directly to the fact that Hanzo wants/needs insider information about the Gang.I’m not sure what I wanted to say with that.I don’t plan stuff like that. I don’t plan stuff at all.

I bullshit stuff. I write overly poetic lines and bullshit the rest.

But hey. I think it works? (You must think so too, what with reading my stuff so avidly? :’‘P )

I’d tell you what music I listened to when I wrote this, but I can’t recall. Probably indie pop. (It’s always indie pop or eighties music.)And I think I have nothing left to say.

If you want to know some more, feel free to ask. X’D (Oh boi, this is probably all over the place)

#ask game #my platonic date #ow #my fanfiction #jesse and hanzo #writing #the first time i tried to analyse my own writing #it was fun!!!#send me more asks ppl i like asnwering them #hehe

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anotherler · 7 years

Text

So I kinda binge-read LQ’s blog for several hours last night and today and I’m still not back up to the most recent post...there is so much material on his blog...bless. It’s been an emotional journey so far. I can’t really put my feelings into words sometimes and I just read some parts of his blog quietly but my notes capture some of it.

It’s a little odd, if you ask me for both aproach the blog from an analytical standpoint but be really emotionally invested at the same time. Without further ado, heres part 3.

Part 1 / 2 / 3

113. LQ gets defensive about his surroundings…that’s a bit of a red flag, isn’t it?

114. Oh shit. Oh shit. We’re getting to the part where I voiceacted some of LQ’s lines HAHaha. I kinda…know these posts too well after reading through them aloud and listening to my own recordings…oh boy. Kinda tempted to try my hand at voiceacting again.

115. LQ first mentions the possibility of him being cursed. He later calls HQ his curse…just saying.

116. FUCK. LQ IS TOO ADORABLE WITH THAT PEN IN HIS MOUTH. FR ICK

117. LQ is a butt pervert

118. Oh dear…LQ thinks that being himself and being alone is all in one…oh man.

119. LQ really doesn’t think he’s worthy of anything…but I think he’d certainly want to be.

120. This really hurts.

121. LQ has probably been taking medication for mental reasons as well…maybe. I remember he had a box of medication given to him.

122. He claims his mother doesn’t like people acting “abnormal”…possibly another reason why he’s so hard on himself and why he tries to hide and excuse his emotions.

123. Suddenly he’s very pale.

124. FemLQ! Spot the diff

125. Poor LQ…he’s pretty uncomfortable and weirded out…

126. I’m…laughing about Mori leaning in with the askbox for the “dressup as my OC” answer. That’s the icing on the cake. Also LQ looks really good in that outfit.

127. Take a shot everytime LQ says fake it till you make it…but on a more serious note, it’s important to keep a positive mind but not good to ignore a problem when you have one.

128. Well well well. If it isn’t Static Oncie.

129. How can you feel nostalgic if you’re living the mentioned great time? (He’s not)

130. TBH I had a theory that Static Oncie became HQ but that’s…kinda incorrect and correct because it was confirmed to me that they are not the same BUT HQ DID come from LQ’s mind like static Oncie did so Static Oncie, LQ and HQ are all one in the same probably.

131. LQ repeating his opening speech. It never gets old.

132. Here we are at the waking up event by the way. Buckle down, folks.

133. Here is the second time LQ cannot read his monitor. Frankly, he probably only doesn’t read it cause he doesn’t want to.

134. He manages to forget entirely for a whole day.

135. HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!! SPOOKY GHOST LQ

136. Omg I voiceacted this whole part…gosh that was fun…poor LQ though

137. HEALTHY LQ. MY HEART HRUTS….like………bro even his hands are okay this is too much

138. Oh man. I get it…being healthy caused his mind to work properly and he started to remember…oh shit.

139. Strange static formations…do they have anything to do with anything?

140. …Looks like LQ couldn’t find his Mom.

141. LQ comes back covered in blood and makes expressions like he killed someone…not suspicious at all.

142. Another side note. I’ve been thinking about LQ’s static. And it’s been explained before but it does really aid LQ when it comes to selective reading and not “seeing” certain things…the thing is, The static builds up between him and the viewer so he doesn’t really notice it (at first that is. He sorta sees it as normal for him). Like many other aspects of his blog, the static is a manipulation of what is seen.

143. Main reason why that comes up is cause he’s found Dr. L’s medicine and the static covers up the words on the box he finds it in. At the last panel he covers himself in static and tells everyone to go away.

144. The static formations behind him look like a face and it appears as though hands are resting on him. I’ve mentioned the possibility of it being HQ or static Oncie at some point but I think that generally it’s a manifestation of how he wants someone there with him but he’s alone.

145. LQ’s sticky note clad monitor. Golly. Really hard to read…and he’s pressed his bloody hand onto the monitor at some point too.

146. I wonder if LQ ever did sum up the courage to look back at his blog posts.

147. LQ has a major aversion to being called cute hehe

148. Oh shit it’s the crawling AMV. Shout out to Mori for making me cry when I hear that song. All thanks to LQ. But it was a good idea to make a shitty AMV…I couldn’t be happier tbh :” ) Also confession back when I watched this the first time I didn’t know this song had a…reputation. So I kinda took it seriously LMAO

…okay I’m not done talking about it uh. The song kinda fits???? And probably the reason why I took it so seriously was because of the subject matter at some points. The crawling AMV is a cinematographic masterpiece. Fucking fight me.

149. Merry Christmas from the year 2012

150. Tax evasion: just say two very simple words in the English language; “I forgot.”

151. Is…LQ blocking out his blush with static? He probably is

152. Also looks like theres static rising up from those papers he dropped…interesting.

153. aesthetic: floating things (Christmas cards in this case)

154: So it seems that LQ has in mind not to work for his company and have people under him manage the tasks for him with his directive…makes a degree of sense but then again I don’t know how companies work. Then again, I can’t help but think that LQ doesn’t do that work because he doesn’t feel that he can.

155. For someone so insecure He also sounds rather full of himself sometimes.

156. On a side note this is one of my favorite parts of the blog as well…for LQ trying to show that he’s working and the pretty colours the static and distorted picture make.

157. Another major thing I give this blog a lot of credit for is how complex it is. I’ve been trying to figure out a few things definitively the whole time I’ve been making these notes but I’m still unsure. Things add up but not everything happens with clear reason. It’s very interesting.

158. The GIF effects on this blog are top notch tbh

159. Did Static Oncie (LQ’s subconscious) know the truth about LQ being an aftermath? Because everything he said could be taken in that context to some degree although it mainly pertains to part of the valley’s destruction. However, everything has been adding up to this moment. And the clues are abundant.

160. The moment at the end where the static goes off is apparently the moment LQ’s hope dies. Er…static oncie, that is. I think about that a lot. Was static Oncie only there because of LQ’s hope that things could change? Static Oncie was there to cryptically remind him of the truth when LQ wouldn’t look back on it. And though he was rather agresive, he definitely isn’t as aggressive as HQ.

161. The truffula on LQ’s lapel…I used to think it withered but maybe he actually tore it off.

162. In addition, when static Oncie says unless you see spirals in his eyes. Like the motif of the seed.

163. I really like the perspective of his lurkim in these panels

164. At this point…I think LQ has started to starve himself just…generally neglect himself. You can understand why.

165. RIP.

166. swone. BODY ONCE TOLD ME-

167. Honestly Swone why did you think mr mc lives in a lerkim would have a functioning oven. Surely you had some other options…orrr maybe you didn’t okay Swone. Now I’m also lowkey gonna talk about Swone cause he’s visiting.

168. wow….this is awkward. Talk about breaking and entering.

169. I’m FUCKING LAUGHING AT SWONE’S BLUNTNESs. Apparently LQ isn’t so easy to fool.

170. Was Swone prepared to bring his cleaning supplies or does he just bring them everywhere he goes???

171. Off topic again but goddamn if Once-lers are a pack of weirdos. Litterally you have two of them in one room at like, neither of them is the straight man (figuratively and literally most of the time). They’ve kinda all got issues to iron out. And yeah, these two are no exception. Swone is a fucking weirdo.

172. LQ has pretty much remembered all sorts of things and why would he push his memories of Swone away? Yeah these two had probably never met till then.

173. ……….it’s not Christmas.

174. Stove-ler.

175. LQ’s gloves got all torn up as well….he may have also lied about wearing his bandages underneath his gloves cause I can’t see em. Hard to believe I didn’t notice until now. They don’t get like that till he’s dishevelled…it’s hard to think that maybe he did that to himself…hrm..

176: He mentions he can’t take them off so he’s likely neglected the care of his arms.

177: Probably was something of a nightmare for Swone to navigate around LQ’s house…and LQ himself. No offense but he was definitely gross.

178. The posts without any dialogue can be very powerful.

179. HOPESPLODE (sorry that was…uh…RIP Static Oncie)

180. TIME FOR PAIN (specific to this but applies to a lot of this blog cause there is a lot of hurt feelings)

181: SELF IMAGE QUALITY JSKGLdkl

182. o mg I remember the post about the “do you like the colour of the sky” post I actually watched Mori stream the drawing for it aaaa good times UuU

183. Poor LQ…..

184. LQ arguing against his own existence because new cgi movies hurt his eyes. I have nothing so say about that just. Think about that for a second.

185. Super high quality-ler spffpfff I love this blog

#lastimeonlqler

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